KFC Radio - The Nickelodeon Docuseries Has Us Yelling at Our TV's Ft. Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 02:50 Roadhouse 07:34 Nickelodeon Docu Series 18:26 John's parents are living their best life 22:36 March Madness 32:25 Kevin's Father Daughter Dance 39:50 John went to a Fall out Boy Concert 47:37 Baby Gronk Rizzed up Jackie 00:54:00 Keegan is realizing how tough the world is 01:09:28 Drake 01:17:42 Kate Middleton Conspiracies STILL Run Wild 01:22:24 Video Voicemails 01:41:55 Kyle Kinane Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++ KFC: Order KFC’s NEW Chizza at a participating KFC location today! https://kfcshop.com/?utm_source=%25s&utm_medium=Content&utm_campaign=KFC_Radio&utm_content=%25ecid%21 https://bit.ly/KFC_Chizza Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Factor: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kfc50 and use code kfc50 to get 50% off. Netflix: NETFLIX | THE GENTLEMEN LIKE IT WHEN YOU WATCH. https://www.netflix.com/title/81437051You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, you just saw how out of order, how out of order is written. That's it. You just saw how out of order it comes to be. If you don't do that skit and make it a commercial like that, you should shut down the whole operation. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network brought to you by... I'll give you one guess what's inside of here. I'll give you one guess what's inside of this baby right here. It's a Cheats-Up.

Cheats-Up! It's a Cheats-Up. Cheats-Up. It's a Cheats-Up. Oh, look at that. Look at that goodness. I love how they just peel apart just like a regularez-A. Cheez-A. It's a Cheez-A. Cheez-A. It's a Cheez-A. Oh, look at that. Look at that goodness. I love how they just peel apart just like a regular slice of pizza. It's a little chicken parm mixed with a little bit of pizza.

Get some pepperoni on top, and you got yourself a Cheez-A. They're very, very delicious. They are. Again, I can't speak to it enough. It is a delicious Cheatsa, it's chicken It's melted cheese, it's pepperoni It's shaped like a pizza

It's everything you need in this world What do you think a cheatsa is? It's delicious That's what it is And there's something too If I told you Here's chicken parm with pepperoni You might be like, what? I don't want to do that If I told you, here's chicken parm with pepperoni, you might be like, what?

I don't want to do that. If I told you, here's a pizza. And you're like, what's a pizza? It's a chicken parm. It looks like pizza. You get the cheese, pepperoni. Oh, yeah. It's all about the marketing.

And KFC has figured it out. So the pizza is available at all KFCs right now. You can get it as a little side. You can get it as your entree. You can get it morning. We get them at like 1030 in the morning as soon as KFC opens. We're eating them all day, all night. Limited time only,

so make sure you get them while you can. And I keep getting DMs from people being like, the marketing's working. Like every time I see a picture of people eating. Well, it should be, Kevin, because I like saw an image of our studio the other day. Have we not sold out? We're just doing it in,

I hadn't, I think it was the video. Throw it at me. This is my favorite part of all. This gigantic... This isn't subliminal marketing. This is we're taking a mallet and beating you over the head with it. This is guerrilla marketing but with a gorilla that just

runs in and smashes you over the head with it. It is. I think it was the clip where Jackie was telling a story with the homeless guy, and I watched the clip. I never did. I was looking at it, and I was just going, Hmm, huh, a lot of KFC stuff in there.

I don't even know why. Why is there a KFC football helmet? I don't even know what that is, but hey, we got one. Welcome to KFC on KFC. Order KFC's new Cheats at a participating KFC location today. All right, we got a big episode today. I got a big weekend. We got a lot going on in the Barstool world.

You know, we got to go into the deep, dark depths of John's brain. I had a nice weekend. Yeah? Nice. All right. Yeah. I watched Roadhouse. It was awesome.

Oh, I can't even imagine how good that was for you. Me, Bob Fox, and Ken Jack were just sitting around just, like, reciting lines for me. It was awesome. Oh, I can't even imagine how good that was for you. Me, Bob Fox, and Ken Jack were just sitting around just reciting lines for me. It's fantastic. It gives me hope between Roadhouse and Reacher, both Prime products. Prime knows what they're doing. I think the company that has the most of our data seems to be going towards making things where a character, his whole thing is he's just huge. That is my genre. What's that guy like? I don't know.

He's just fucking big. What's the deal with him? He's bigger than average humans. McGregor, Gyllenhaal, and I forget the Reacher guy's name. They're just massive dudes. Well, Reacher is supposed to be massive, right? That's why there was that weird thing in the other one where he wasn't that big. Right?

Well, he's not – in Reacher, he's not as big. It's comical. Alan Richman is his name. Alan Richman is big. But he'll be like, can I get a t-shirt? big like it's like comical how like i mean that guy alan richmond is his name alan richmond is big but like he'll be like can i get a t-shirt like i don't think we have any tents around it's a regular human roadhouse jill and hall and mcgregor are not regular humans they're freaks they're freaks i mean you gotta be on steroids right there's no way these guys are natural it's also a picture right so like maybe not but those guys are for sure not

natty come on it's been so funny having the like defense like people like oh leave it leave the original alone oh yeah like that that you know brilliant masterpiece just 35 percent raw tomatoes and then people are doing it again now with happy gilmore like they're just fucking goofy movies like you could just make are they remaking happy gilmore they're making a second and like sandler it's sandler. Then that's fine. They're trying to remake it without him. That's huge news. I didn't know that.

Yeah. But I can't stand people who get mad about sequels. Who cares? If it's bad, who cares? The first one's still awesome. It doesn't matter. The definitive, like, you shouldn't worry about that is michael jordan the human like if michael jordan could do what he did with the wizards and baseball and fuck that all up and nobody cares it's the

same thing with movies all any movie that you liked that goes one too far or put out a sequel like it doesn't matter the original movie is still awesome yeah and what if the second one or the third one or the fifth or the tenth was awesome then you'd have more movies that are awesome and if you don't it's just an extra that you don't ever have to watch again i have no problem whatsoever with now i will say that some things like you should do it the right way like if they did adam sandler without adam happy young without adam sandler i would think that's stupid yeah and i think when you're trying to dumb it without when they didn't have jeff daniels and jim carrey that's stupid. Yeah. And I think when you're trying to – Dumb and Dumber Without, when they didn't have Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey, that was stupid. But when they did it, I thought it was a good idea.

I think that also sucked. But whatever. They tried it. Yeah. Trying to recapture an old movie is dumb. Yeah. But if you're just doing an old movie in the modern time, like the world that Roadhouse was made in doesn't exist anymore. So now you're making one for this world.

Yes. Yes, correct. And it plays. It's goofy and it's fucking – It's over the top. Over the top. Literally, yeah. Like dudes get eaten by alligators and McGregor comes in fucking naked and he's like –

All the lines are so dumb, it's awesome. I'm going to need more than tree sandwiches. I thought McGregor had like a bit role. He's like it in it yeah he's the villain right yeah that's like maybe not quite the he's the villain's heavy he's the muscle yeah uh kind of fucked up they they're doing happy gilmore too right after carl weathers dies yeah maybe that's what they were waiting for maybe adam sailor has beef with carl weathers uh, I mean these things are awesome This is what And you know what?

The fact that the company with the most information Is going that way I don't want to hear it from people When they're like Oh, like John watches the worst movies Because the company that knows the most about the human race Is like, here's what we're going to make You know what they want? They want a jacked dude saying dumb lines and fucking each other up yeah hell

yeah brother bro are there any females in these movies uh barely like there's not even like a love interest right it's like let's just fucking whatever very barely yeah very uh no it's really muscular guys wrestling it It's awesome. We really just need to cut chicks out of all these things in general. Just make it about the fellas. They're fighting. He slams Gyllenhaal's head into the piano, and Gyllenhaal goes,

sounds like the piano's out of tune. Oh, yes! And the burger goes, sounds good to me. It's awesome. It's unbelievable. I watched, I just watched watched i don't know probably a dozen hours of uh material about children being raped what that nickelodeon shit man oh god there's four episodes no it's not a dozen it's probably like an hour each so it's probably four or five hours that that shit had

me yelling at the television i was like well what what? What's happening? What are we doing here? I mean, I was screaming at the TV and that guy is such a fat piece of shit slob. It's like straight out of Central Casting. Yeah, he is. Like if you were to be like,

let's get the creepy guy. Now, what kind of sucks though, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a little something here. I'm gonna defend Dan Schneider real quick. Dan Schneider is for sure a sexual pervert and deviant.

He did weird things like making all the actresses who were like young teens do weird sexual stuff. Oh, okay. Feet stuff. They would like the prank, the gag on set would be like them getting squirted in the face with stuff. Ariana Grande laying over a bed with her head over it, which is like there's only one time in all of human behavior. There's only one time that somebody lays on the bed with their head on the side. Bro, you're a real pervert if you're thinking that kind of shit 20 years ago. Right?

He was ahead of his time. Ariana Grande laying. I didn't see that move until the pandemic. When people got bored bored they started doing fucking Cirque du Soleil Ariana Grande I still don't know what the clip is

out of context she just lays on her bed puts the head over and goes oh I'm so thirsty oh and it's just like all over her neck

and chest and shit I was like and then there's one where she's squeezing a potato and she's like I want the juice from the potato.

All of that. Totally fucked up. Then what happened was they hired actual pedophiles. Okay? Who work for tax benefits? Uh-huh. Like,

what do you mean bro three actual pedophiles who either were already or went on to be convicted of like actual sexual assault pedophiles so like but now what's happening is I think people think that guy fucked the kids. And he didn't fuck the kids. The other guy fucked the kids. Wait, so they hired convicted pedophiles. So there was a guy on the set of all of these shows who got straight up convicted of sexual assault with kids. He got 16 months in jail and then went and wrote for the Suite Life of Zack and Cody after.

Jiminy Christmas. Like, shit like that that I was screaming at the television. And then this poor guy, Drake Bell. Drake Bell? Yeah. He was the one. He got assaulted and molested, like, full-blown by this guy. And he showed up to court and there was like dozens of

hollywood stars defending this guy writing letters and like at the courtroom defending the the yeah like james marsden uh sean and and cory uh sean and eric from boy meets world all these names. There's a bunch of female actresses that I noticed. They put them all in a documentary that all wrote, like, this was a one-time thing. This is so out of character. There must have been extreme temptation for something like this to happen. Extreme temptation?

Like, we're blaming. What was Ariana Grande wearing? Right. Honestly, that's basically what they were saying. Extreme temptation is an insane thing. Insane. And he was like, yeah, I was there. I was in the courtroom. It was me, my mom, and my brother being like, I got raped.

And on the other side was just all of Hollywood being like, nah, come on. And he said in his speech, he stood up and he was just like, I hope that you guys had this memory for the rest of your life when you guys were standing here defending this pedophile. And the memory I'll always have for the rest of your life when you guys were standing here defending this pedophile. And the memory I'll always have for the rest of my life is being assaulted by him. And I was like,

whoa. Like, fucking gangster. But none of that came out until now. Now these people are getting absolutely flamed, and rightfully so. But it's not that dude. That dude is an equally different type of scumbag, but there's just so many of them.

It's like, wait, who fucked who? Character witnesses never make sense to me. It's like, yeah, he didn't. You're not a little boy. Yeah, he wasn't an asshole to me. What is that? I'm sure they are helpful. I think if it's, like, a white-collar crime, if there's, like, a self-defense.

Like, there's just situations where it's like, this is really fucked up but he is a good person she's a good person outside of this but it's like they're not a good person because they fucked a child they didn't rape me but i guess i'm not his type so like that's not a character witness so to speak bro uh rider strong uh sean hunter from his world his there was a quote from him saying we knew that he did something but we didn't know the extent of it all and we were just fed this story of it was like quote i'm a victim of like jailbait like there was like this young boy and i didn't he said victim of jailbait in his defense and but that probably was a defense like 20 years ago i guess so i guess

fucking so that's i don't know i don't know about a legal defense but in the public eye they're really there's a lot of shit when you watch it that you're like what were we doing what were we doing as a society it was uh it was it's some harrowing shit and like all these kids were like there's just footage of them on set. And he's getting massaged by people. I saw a video of him. This was a video where like. Touching people all the time.

It should have been, you arrest him on the spot. And it was, he was in a hot tub with Amanda Bynum. Yes. He was fully clothed. Clothed, yes. Like buttoned down shirt on. I think he had literally like plaid button-up on. If someone gets in a hot tub with a child fully clothed.

Look at that. He's got a t-shirt and a button-up on over it. Send him to prison, dude. Send him to prison. They were sending dick pics to these girls. They were making them suck each other's toes in the show it was like ah like laugh track while like these girls were sucking toes it was absolute madness like as a society it was like what but it was literally every every every

nickelodeon show you've ever heard of this guy was like the executive producer the head of it so they were like it was their golden era because this fucking fat creep and so they just like kept it rolling and then as soon as that girl last year put out her book jeanette mccurdy she put out a book and she said he was no longer allowed to be on the set he was in a separate room when that came out like a month later he was gone and they just said like you know they they had a mutual parting of ways fucking crazy though that that the shit about the the letters was like we we as a society should be making a bigger deal about that it was just everybody famous defending a convicted like they did the case and they were yes, he fucked and touched these kids. And all of Hollywood was like, but come on. But come on!

Did you see The Suite Life of Zack and Cody? Come on! I never saw any of it. Brian Peck was his name. He's the real fucking creep. I mean, I obviously know the shows, but I never saw them. Yeah, I'm a little past, like, i carly and zoe 101 and all that shit i don't know i don't they were all pretty girls and young boys and it was just i i i'm not a true

crime person so like i've never really done these things but this one in particular i don't get like i don't like talking about this and why are we watching it yeah yeah yeah i don't like i wanted i wanted to watch roadhouse instead i was watching this and i was like and i was like i wish i watched roadhouse like like the but even when you say you say like they're sucking each other's toes i'm like oh i know i know but also it's like we should be uncomfortable because these kids are getting fucked. But, like, I believe it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need to. I think there needs to be, like, public outrage for anything to change because these fucks are just – we're just making money and they're just like, we don't care. Just, like, get another one. But you know what? They're making money again now. Yeah. They're making money on this.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. It's insane he got he got like nickelodeon he was on nickelodeon got convicted and disney picked him up like a free agent that's fucking like what we did with the nazis for nasa yeah that's a great actually that's a great call we can't really we can't really say shit now can we like listen we know you killed all those jews but what do you know about rockets can you get us to the moon because we got these other guys

in russia we don't like. That's exactly what happened. A bunch of really smart free agents. Can't let fucking Nickelodeon pick them up or SNCC or whatever the other one is. Yeah, it's like signing them just so the other team in the division doesn't get them. I mean, this guy knows a lot about kids. Crazy. Can't let them fall into the hands of a competitor.

I really think, and I was trying to think through this because off the top, it sounds a little too harsh. But I think maybe I'll just leave it as is. If you are a man, you cannot work with children. Period. I think that should just be a period. I was trying to figure out, well, no like if you're a gym teacher it's okay but like also probably not and like what if you have a kid and they are like you coach them and then your kid gets older and you continue and i'm just like nope let's just avoid the whole

thing it's all for women no men no men in any situation only women can child rear yep pretty much i think that's the only way to really, like, yeah. Put it this way. Put it this way. Takes a brave man. Don't want me to have kids. Anyone who looks like me, I don't want to have kids. Think about this.

If you just said tomorrow, no men of any type can ever work with children again. again for every one good male teacher where you're like wow we missed out on a good a good uh you know a good influence there's like 20 guys who are fucking kids so i'll take the trade-off we should just announce it like it's new law and anyone who gets really worked up about it we arrest them yeah yeah that's how we capture that was a canary in the coal mine brother you fell for it that's that's that's great um so yeah highly different um entertainment weekends for you and i did it actually is funny it kind of reminds i was talking to my my parents yesterday it was it was such a like call of of me seeing myself and my dad. I call my mom, and they're on their way to some concert in Boston, and my mom's explaining. That's great that your parents still do that kind of shit.

It really is. They're still living life. My parents are just waiting to die. Straight up, they're just waiting to die. My mom's explaining to me how it's this folk band that is a spawn of this folk band that won Grammys in the early 2000s. So your parents are going to, like, I figured they're going to, like, Billy Joel's up in town or some shit. No, no, no. They're going to, like, new music that, like, they found and, like, good for them.

Carolina and the Chocolate Drops is the band that I listened to a little bit this morning. But anyway, my mom's telling me all this stuff about it. And they're from Durham, North Carolina, blah, blah, blah. And I think they've been pumping gas. So something happened in the car where it kicked into Bluetooth. And I just hear my dad go, what's up, John boy? And I was like, hey, dad, how's it going? And my mom had just explained all this detail.

And then he goes, head to a concert, got a box of chocolates, decadent. And I was like, hell yeah, brother. That's all you need to say. Head to a concert, got a bunch of chocolate, feeling good. I was like, yeah, dude. I fucking know exactly what you're talking about right now. Life is not that complicated, man. Jack it up.

So good. They got candy? They got beer? Well, check it out. It was so perfect. It does not take much. It does not take much. It was actually earlier in the weekend.

My dad was at this cannabis convention. And he was staying at my grandfather's in Boston. Oh, your parents kick ass. But my dad sells insurance. If you're a cannabis company looking for insurance, you call my dad. He'll take care of you. It's a good business to get. Yeah.

But he does. So there's some cannabis convention in Boston. And he was there. because it was in Boston. He was staying with his father and I was just like laughing at the idea. So I talked to him Saturday and I was like, what did you do last night? He's like, oh, we had this big dinner, like 60 people. I was like, cool. Who is it?

Yeah, then we went to Royale, which is like a club in Boston. Yeah, that's like the club in Boston, right? I don't even think I've ever been to it. Yeah. I'm aware of it. I don't think I've maybe once or twice been to Royale, but even in my heyday, I wasn't frequenting Royale. It's been around for a while?

Yeah. I think that was where we did KFC Radio post-game. Definitely, maybe. Yeah. The last KFC Radio with Dan and the first Wilbur. I think we went to Royale. We had like a pay table and all that shit. That would make sense.

That's hilarious that your pops is there 20 years later. He's like, yeah, I went to Royale. Little John was there. Little John? Because he's got some song named Shots. Just said Shots a bunch of times. I know the song, dude. But I was just picturing afterwards him being a 60-year-old man and just like basically reverting back to his childhood where he was at a – he was out smoking weed all day.

Yeah. And then went to the club and then had to sneak back into his dad's house like after midnight so he could wake him up. That's crazy so like like the cannabis company like took him like they or like he i think that was him the dinner was his i don't know what the post game was i don't know like he like he put together like the dinner and then i guess they went out afterwards hilarious and uh gangster shit your dad's just getting high and going to see Little John. What is this, me in 2003? That sounds awesome. That's great.

Good for him, man. He's still living life. I mean, he's young. He's 61 maybe. Yeah, he's a young 61 because he's in good shape and shit, so he's still ready to rip it. I had a breakdown of sorts this weekend, and I texted you about it. March Madness, something that used to bring me so much joy, now brings me so much pain. So much pain.

I didn't watch a single second of March Madness this year so far and that's not the problem the problem is that it doesn't even bother me I mean it's bothering me but in the moment I was like I don't really care I shouldn't say I didn't watch a single second I watched our game and then I watched who was it after that

I watched one other game after that and I was sitting there and I was like I don't want to watch this. That's the problem. Marshmallow's has... It's actually kind of a nice setup I had where I would follow him on Twitter and when games got close, I'd turn him on. Because I don't think there were

a ton of close games. I know early on there was a bunch of blowouts. Oakland, I watched both Golki games. That was unbelievable. Why can't they get him more shots. Like in that game against Duke? I was going to say, that's kind of the problem with college hoops, right? If you're going to come in off screens and he's not fast enough to get open like Steph Curry.

It was actually really funny watching him. Try to do it. He would sprint like once. Not that I'm used to because I don't do it with any regularity. I like he he would sprint like once and i i'm not that i'm used to because i don't do with any regularity but like you know i've seen videos of them following steph and he's just full sprinting the entire time yeah because i got one burst that shot chart of his season is one of the craziest things i've ever seen yeah i mean i i was like this must be this is not what I think it is.

It's like, nope, it is. He shot seven two-pointers and one other two that you know he wanted to be a three because it was like right on the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like seven actual twos the whole fucking season is – I mean, that's crazy. Crazy town. He's the man. But like it's something – Thursday and friday used to be the two my two

most favorite days of the year we would either cut work call out of work go to lunch during work uh and then go out all day and night watch all the games brackets and pools and just drinking and partying and mix it up with with uh saint patrick's day and we had a bunch of birthdays in march and everything and it was it was the best it was the absolute greatest and then it started to like i feel like when you don't gamble and you don't have a good alma mater alma mater you just naturally every year kind of like lose a little bit you know but there would be years like when i first had kids i was like fuck i can't watch march madness this year because i got to take care of my kids you know or i got to do this or that i

got to go to work and then the babies and but now i'm at a point where i was like i i don't know i just i don't i don't know anything about college basketball and i didn't watch it and it's it just is what it is. That's the worst thing ever. It's not even when you're like, oh, I wish I could, but I can't. It's like, I don't know. I just don't even watch it anymore. It's crazy.

It's like if all of a sudden you just – I mean, I guess this happens too. I was going to say Christmas. It's like Christmas doesn't – Christmas isn't fun anymore either. I like Christmas. I'm'm gonna stand for christmas i like i actually i'm i'm the wrong person to be saying this but as you get older and when you have kids and you're worrying about christmas more than enjoying christmas yeah that also becomes a thing where you're like fuck it's christmas uh but i it's just like that that part of is dead. That part of me is fucking dead. I think I still get excited. Like, I enjoyed the amount I watched.

But I also, like, I watched last night. I watched James Madison Duke. And that was like. That's a game. I feel like those games happen a lot more than you remember. Yes. You remember the buzzer beaters and the upsets. And then there's the thumping.

It's a 30-point game that was never close for a second. Yeah. Which actually I think is a sign of maturity or old age is that I'm excited that there weren't that any really. Like there's no Cinderella's because next week there's going to be good games. Yeah. I invest in my future. That is the thing. I want a 13 over 4

and I was like oh no no we're going to get a couple blue bloods playing nice when the when like the elite 8 is like

two double digit teams it's like this sucks this fucking blows I mean never for one second did I ever think we would win anything

in the Dave and Buster's bracket busters see despite the fact that we never win anything in the Dave and Buster's bracket busters? See, despite the fact that we never win. You thought. I was like, we got Akron. I don't know. It never crossed my mind we were going to win. The first game, I thought it was a no brainer.

We had that game. We're in. I didn't know if we were going to get out of the weekend. 3-16 maybe. But I was like, fuck, we're going to fucking smoke. We give a shit about them. Fucking work their shit. The zips got zapped.

Dude. They were fucking done, dude. Even the first half, I was like, this is even close. I'm going to throw them away. No, I knew from. What happens? I mean, I just knew my whole life. Even before we drafted, I was like, we're not going to win this.

We never do. By the way, Dave keeps saying 40K cash, 40K cash. It's not 40K cash. It's not 40K cash. It's like five grand. It's like five grand. We were all looking at maybe five grand. Nothing to get worked on.

But, yeah, I really – because I'm very – like i don't fake i don't force things like like if i if i'm sitting there and i'm like i don't want to watch it i'd rather like play this video game or watch this or i gotta go take care of that like i'm not gonna like force myself to watch the game yeah so it's the point you reach where you have to force yourself to like something that you once liked naturally that sucks yes and you know what maybe I should force myself to do it but I don't think you need to force yourself

I think you've moved on to other things I guess so but the other things are not bringing me as much joy as what college basketball used to bring I don't want to just sit there at home by myself and watch it but I don't want to be at a bar for like 12 hours anymore so it's like i'm stuck in this no man's land where it used to be i didn't really care about the basketball it was just like the excuse to party with a little bit of like oh a buzzer

beater i don't know i actually have the the kind of opposite where like i like just having it on like i'm not paying super close attention yeah but it's kind of it's something because a lot of times i want to watch movies at night the day and then during the day i'm kind of like i don't really know what to put on and it's kind of nice to just have and then you can follow along yeah because if you're not watching i'm like i don't you know i hop onto barstool twitter and i'm like wait what's this what happened i don't know what's going on um i mean that's when i when i tuned in and saw dukes crying dude's going the mountain on himself like he had he had two knuckles into his skull i mean we we have a real problem with this company and we have a legitimate problem. Of crying? Everybody's crying.

The amount of crying is out of control. I feel like every week we have someone with a memorable story cry. He was sobbing. Look at them hugging him and shit. It's someone who's still just mouthing. They're like, let's go.

Dude, when your mouth when you're doing like a Like your mouth is turned upside down And you're like Bro, it was the 7-10 week one Game one The only thing more ridiculous than that

The amount of people Defending it was pretty crazy Really? A lot Not a lot There was still a lot of people just like Holy shit, you're a fucking weirdo, dude. But a lot of people were like, dude, it was a 24 to 4 run to end it.

It's like, I don't fucking care. That means you just like escaped. Like, thank God you almost got blown out and you didn't like on to the next round. That's your only reaction there. Not crying. I texted him. I said, what happens today if you win what are you gonna do now it's like you can't give out a 10.0 in the olympics because what if someone comes along and dazzles you what happens when you win your second round game that's more important than the last one you go oh no you don't get a man

he goes no i said you're gonna cry he goes no no crying today no crying today i mean i'm sure he was also shit face yeah that's like i've heard him talk about this reason and that reason no one's also saying you know i had probably had a dozen beers in me by this point um so that played a role and i mean dayton's been in the tournament like a million times yeah he his defense was 2020 they were the one seed, and then COVID hit. And that was their year. Okay. Fine. But, like, whatever, dude.

I couldn't cry. They were the one seed in 2020? Obie's hopping, I believe. Yeah, yeah. Ain't no stopping Obie's hopping. Dude, I remember when he got drafted and Dukes was like, we're best friends, man, or something like that. They, like, we're best friends, man, or something like that. They never met.

That could not have been. If one end of the spectrum is Dukes, I was on the other end of the spectrum of life and basketball. I watched this a hundred times. I couldn't stop watching. I thought he's just emotional, but he's not crying. He's crying. Oh, man. It's great.

I didn't watch one second of basketball. I had myself like the most dad weekend ever i had the uh father father daughter dance which is what i've started calling it because it's called the daddy daughter dance and i you just can't say that yeah you just like i i don't think that the rest of the world has caught on so i'm i'm here to tell you schools and i actually think we're like one of the last schools alive to do it because it's you know sexist and gender and all that shit but if you are doing it you can't say daddy daughter dance anymore don't make the posters i didn't know it was ever called daddy daughter i thought it was father daughter all the time well i mean maybe in certain places but i there's a lot of daddy daughter being thrown around i was like no no, no. Weird websites do that. And I got suckered into getting a limo for this thing.

My daughter played me like a fucking fiddle. She was like, hey, dad, last year, these other two girls who are like her best friends, they took a limo. Can we take a limo? Like, can we do that? I was like, yeah, sure. Like, I'll talk to them and i'll we'll

jump in with them and then it turns out that one of the girls is not going this year because her dad is is not is traveling for work so now all of a sudden i promised her i said yes and there's only two people so i can't get you girls a limo for two people that's ridiculous so then i had to i was all of a sudden the ringleader oh and then i called the other guy and he's like yeah the dude who organized it last year is traveling so like you want to do it and i was like i guess i guess so so now i'm in charge of of planning this uh limo to this dance for a bunch of little babies basically in my mind so i end up inviting like the, like local people from the neighborhood and we get a sprinter van to go literally seven minutes.

I had to tell the guy to just drive around in circles. So the girls could like have fun in the van. Cause I was like, otherwise I'm just paying a thousand dollars for you to drive like down the block. It's like, I can like see the venue from here. So I have to do that.

Organize that whole thing, which is already ridiculous, but it was cool i grabbed a bunch of beers the guys were just drinking it was funny watching dudes the girls were like climbing on the fucking van and like no one was sitting down forget about seat belts and shit and the dads were just like sitting in the back like i don't know whatever i had to be the one like girls like i was like my name's on this shit sit down rest of the guys are like what's happening up there? Whatever.

But, bro, we get to this dance. I've never seen anything like it. I thought I was watching the Nickelodeon fucking, the Nickelodeon thing. The DJ, I could not believe he did this. First off, we start with this game. He's like, we're going to play a game now. It's called Heads or Tails. We're going to flip a coin. But everybody in the audience, you game now. It's called heads or tails. We're going to flip a coin.

But everybody in the audience, you have to decide if you're heads or tails. So if you want to be heads, you put your hands on your head. If you want to be tails, you put your hands on your butt. So a bunch of little girls go first. They're like, the girls go first and the dads are on the sidelines.

And the girls range from like fucking kindergarten to like probably i don't know if like the eighth grade girls go but like it could be up to the grade i think that's weird right to be like all right like put your hands on your head or put your hands on your butt girls and then he'd be like it's it's heads like if you were tails you're out and they narrow it down to one winner and then he's like okay dads it's your turn put your hands on your head or put your hands on your butt and i was like i'm looking around these fucking dudes putting their hands on their butt what are you guys i expected the whole room to be like i just keep doing heads like i'm not putting my hands on my butt and And so that was weird enough.

Then he's like, now we're going to have a dance contest. And he's like, I'm going to pick out the best dancers. And he tells these girls to start dancing. And he starts walking through the dance floor looking at little girls dancing. Like being like, hmm, could you like go over there? Like calling them out. I literally pulled Shay over to the side. I was dancing with her. I was like, hmm, could you like over there, like, like calling him out. I literally, I pulled Shay like over to the side. I was,

I was dancing with her. I was like, stay away from that. Lines up. He's like, he had four finalists. He's like, all right,

these are the four best dancers. We're going to, we're going to each give them like another 10 seconds to dance. And we're going to figure out the, the, the dance. Who's the best dancer? They dance.

He goes, all right, bye. We're going to do this by round of applause. Who thinks it should be this girl and the crowd like cheers gets the second girl who thinks it should be this girl nobody cheers and the dj goes oh like that goes oh jesus next girl people cheer fourth girl people cheer so like this one girl just nobody cheered for her and this motherfucker goes i couldn't really tell let's do it again goes to the front the girls cheer second girl again nobody cheers except for me because i was like i'm gonna scream my head

off for this girl me and there was some like waitress was like yeah and again the guy goes oh into the microphone oh like this bitch is getting no votes i i was like if that was my daughter i would literally run over and fucking snap your neck i couldn't believe it and then he was about to be like now dads it's your turn and i think the collective look in the room he was like uh okay you the one. He just like crowned a winner right away. But from that, those two incidents, and then Shay requested the cha-cha slide. Loves the cha-cha slide. Told her to go request it. Gets her courage up, runs up to the DJ, requests it.

She comes back, she's like, I requested it. Half an hour goes by, nothing. I'm like, go remind him. She comes back, she's like like he said he was gonna do it we're getting towards like the end of the night no cha-cha slide and i go over to the guy and i go if you don't play the cha-cha slide we are gonna have a serious problem and he's like it's coming it's coming i go my daughter is going to start crying if you don't play the cha-cha slide enough thank god he played the cha-cha slide and it got the crowd going by the the cha-cha slide. Enough. Thank God he played the cha-cha slide. And it got the crowd going, by the way.

Cha-cha slide always plays. This dude was acting like I was in the middle of, like, you know, messing up his set at, like, Electric Daisy or something. Like, you're playing for a bunch of six-year-olds. Play the fucking cha-cha slide and stop being such a goddamn creep. Never seen anything like it in my life. That guy going, ooh. If it wasn't horrifically sad it was objectively

funny this guy's going oh damn damn nobody's voting for this girl no i don't know it was like and look on that girl's face was like she was just like wait what because she got like called in to be she was like top four and i was just like i guess you just don't have any friends i don't know that girl just doesn't have any friends. Because everyone else had their group of girls who shrieked, and that girl just didn't. I was like, oh, my God. That was fucking brutal, dude. It's like, I don't even think your dad cheered for you, bro. It was pin drop, bro.

It was not a single sound the first time. I could not believe it. It was absolutely fucking crazy, man. She wasn't as good as Stacy. Cheered for the first time. I could not believe it. It was absolutely fucking crazy, man. She wasn't as good as Stacey. Sure, but the other girl? Absolutely brutal, man. I always told you I'm very objective about everything. It's a good life lesson for you.

Dude, I actually went to Fall Out Boy Friday night. Oh, yeah? How was it? It was good. I think that girl's going to find herself there. Oh, yeah. How was it? It was good. I think that girl is going to find herself there. Yeah, but you're just suicidal teens. Bro, it was. No, because we're not.

Well, now it's suicidal like 40-year-olds. Let me tell you this about the pop punk crowd. We don't age great. Not at all. Well, it's white people. It's white people all aging. Bro, it's white people who were raised on like Mountain Dew and Rejection. It doesn't. It does not work. It does white people. It's white people all aging. Bro, it's white people who were raised on like Mountain Dew and rejection. It doesn't –

It does not work. It does not work. Bro, there wasn't an athletic build in MSG then. Not a shoulder was seen. Everyone was shaped like a basketball. Like everyone was bald. It turns out like putting Spencer's hair gel in your hair like yeah not good doesn't fuck it's not great for hair follicles it was like everyone was bald

and fat it was so funny they were singing their fucking hearts out though weren't they they all had pipes i'll tell you that was legitimately like the best show i've been like for sure since eras and like it might be like the second best concert concert there's a strong chance that you were like absolutely the most like in shape like biggest guy in the arena for real think about it for real how many other people out there were looking like that the it was it was who was it worse for the For the men or the women? It's... It was not a pretty sight, man. That's hilarious. You picture, like, I don't know, like, chicks with nose rings and stuff like that. It was also funny...

I mean, that picture right there says it all. Like, there was no pit. Like, dude, like, having, like, having fold-out chairs covering the floor at a punk rock concert. No one standing up and dancing. Everyone's just sitting there. I need to sit down.

Dude, it was fucking. It was honestly fucking awesome. That is so good. It's the most pathetic gathering. Just like people were... I mean, these are my people. These are my people. There are like juggalos who are like,

wow, this crowd is something. It was awesome. It was so funny. Were you just singing your heart out too? This crowd is something. It was awesome. It was so funny. Were you just singing your heart out too? I don't think I – I don't think there was a song I didn't not scream. But I was with this group, and I was on the end, and our seats were kind of angled like this.

So at no point could I naturally join the crew. So you were on your own? I was by myself looking back. I would occasionally turn, but it didn't make sense. could I naturally join the crew? So you were on your own? I myself would rock in the hall. I would occasionally turn, but it didn't make sense. I was in seats like this, and I just had to sing to the stage the whole time. It was way better.

That's way better. I'd rather do that shit on my own. Matching energies are soft. Oh, I hate that. When I'm up, I'm up. When I'm down, I'm down. If I don't know the words, whatever. I wasn't down the whole time.

At all. Yeah, yeah. Good for you. That's right up your alley. Sold Out Garden, right? Sold Out Garden. Just them? They were the headliners.

Jimmy Eat World. Oh, right. Jimmy Eat World. But it was not like a festival where it's like – No, there were like five bands probably. But I'm saying it was a Fall Out Boy concert. Yes, yes, yes. The fact that those guys – I mean, dude, that's the music industry right now.

It's all legacy and nostalgia acts that are just still killing it. I mean, it was – I would love that, man. I thought it was going to be fun. It was a million times more fun than I thought it was going to be. I would love nothing more. Imagine like right now it's like kind of the opposite. But imagine if all the streamers and all the the instagram influencers

and all that were like flopping and it was all the old school acts that people were just like loving you know yeah that that's gotta feel so good for those bands like they're old they're not what they once were but they're still like but they're also like fallout was probably like mid-40s yeah because they're not really like yeah yeah it's not old yeah especially for for for white people music you can do that like forever yeah they're like they're they're kind of like probably in their prime to be honest right if like if if they got big a little before i was in high school so like that's probably early 20s yeah but i guess they're just are they putting out like new albums yeah they're like charting and shit it's's like, it's good? I wouldn't say it's like killing.

Yeah, it's not under the courtry and waiting, but it was. Right, right, right. It was. They probably played in a two-hour set. I would guess they played four or five songs from the new album. Right. But before. Dude, like, they fucking rock, dude.

Yeah, sure. Bro, B.M. Wentz had a fucking flame guitar playing. I saw some of the footage of his hair blowing that like it that looked like it was like uh like somebody had a fan it was at one point i was like me and pete keep making eye contact he can tell i'm looking at his hair too much i was convinced i was like he fucking spotted me he. Bro, nobody has that syndrome more than you. You're convinced that people are always... Honestly, it's narcissism.

Yeah, yeah, it really is. Trust me, they don't care about you. I'm like, hot man, Pete's hot, man. I know he did it. It's narcissism, but with a healthy dose of no self-esteem. It's narcissism with like, oh, no, they hate me, or no, I'm doing something wrong. Not like, yeah, they're looking at me. It's like, oh, no, they're looking at me.

It's the worst fucking formula. The worst guy. It is the worst guy. It's like God was mixing up some fucking self-consciousness and then just like accidentally spilled narcissism in it. Like, ah, fuck. Now he's a real nightmare. So if you want to go see Fall Out Boy

or any of your favorite bands in concert, you want to go to any of these NCAA tournament games, you want to go see your favorite team play any sports, you want to go see Keegan hit the dash and go to the house. Any sort of live sports or live entertainment, you can get your tickets through Game Time. Feidelberg is – Feidelberg just went to comedy and a concert this weekend through Game Time, right? I didn't go to comedy yet. Comedy's next week. Oh, comedy's coming. Yeah.

So either way, Feitz is a user. We all use it here at Barstool, and you should too. So download the Game Time app. Not only is it up-to-the-minute ticketing and pricing where you get in the room for the best shows, get the best price possible, but they also have deals, flash deals, where a certain region of the country will be on sale or a certain event will be on sale. So as long as you keep that app downloaded

and have notifications on, you'll see all sorts of deals for live entertainment popping up at any given moment. And if you can find anybody that beats the same tickets at the same price, they will give you 110% of the difference back. It's Game Time, the best place for last-minute tickets with up to 60% off your favorite live entertainment.

So what are you waiting for? Go get your tickets. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the app, create an account, and use code KFC for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Download the Game Time app today. Last minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed.

I'm looking here on the GameTime app. Tonight is Pistons at Knicks. You can get in the garden for $120 right now. I mean, they got deals all over the place here. Damn, they got tickets that look like very good seats for like 200 bucks

and the cheapest price right now 120 bucks to get in the garden which is always a steal and i'm seeing opening day tickets opening day tickets to the mets 24 bucks download game time and go to theets opening day for 24 bucks. My Friday night when I was at the dance, I got texts of Keegan's first ever touchdown. And took it to the house. Just fucking immediate.

First play from scrimmage. First game ever. House call for Keegan. And now I'm wondering if I gotta keep jackie away from him because jackie and baby gronk are basically dating oh no don't loop me into that i mean have we figured out what that video was so i know all about this this guy hoopify he does i'm sure he's paid for by baby gronk's weird-ass dad to make these videos. And he always does it with girls Jackie's age.

And I knew the whole time. It was only a matter of time before this video gets made. I was checking my phone hourly. Because that guy does other videos too. Yeah, yeah. But then he does Baby Gronk ones specifically. Baby Gronk is Livvy dating Baby Gronk. Right.

That's the one I know. but he does other ones with girls? Yeah, he, like, he'll do some weird stuff. I was honored that it was, like, there was no introduction. It was just Jackie Nichols. Yeah, it was like, everybody knows who Jackie Nichols is. Like, no questions asked who Jackie Nichols is. He always does it with Livvy. Yeah, like, Livvy I saw, but, like, that's...

He's been doing it with this girl. She's another gymnast. I mean, Jackie, you're on the level of Livvy, don't you? Yeah, like, what? saw, but like – He's been doing it with this girl. She's another gymnast. I mean, Jackie, you're on the level of Livvy Dunn. Yeah, like what? Yeah. I'm honored. I'm so conflicted because I'm like – It's in account for –

It's obviously his dad, but it's in account for an 11-year-old boy. But also like I'm honored and I'm starstruck. Yeah, no, I mean you're basically – You made it, Jackie. I made it. An 11-year-old boy has a crush on you and that weird guy is reporting on it. You've made it to the top. But it's evening out my, like, ratio.

Yeah, your age. My age ratio. I think I'm, like – You're back to normal. I'm back to probably normal right now. I mean, honestly, if you – what is it? He's 11? I would say probably not, to be honest.

Give me 70 plus 50 plus 11. Well, give me – I'm not the guy. give me an age of someone. Have you hooked up with someone your age recently? No. Straight up? Straight up? No.

Okay. Have I? Yeah, I can't even. No. Straight up, no. Straight up. Okay, well, right now your average age is 43, 44. Wow.

I'll take it. Yeah, that's not terrible. I mean, it's not great. Listen, if it's actually a 44-year-old, you better be rich. You better not just be dating a regular 44-year-old. Yeah, because you're 24, 25? I am 24.

I said that, like, I'm 24. I said that, like, I'm 24. You said that like I'm 24. I said that like I'm 24. You said that like John said, are you 34? Yeah. You're like, are you 24, 25? I am 24. I'm pretty sure you're not 24. I think Jackie was 22 for like three years in my mind.

And now I'm like, this bitch is like 30, right? I had a general idea. And then you are so hellbent on convincing me. He's not 24. Are you 25? I swear I'm 24. You're not 24. No, I am 24.

I'm really making it seem like I'm not 24. You are not 24 years old. Dude, I swear to God. What do you want from me? Your license. Okay. When is your birthday? September 6th.

You'll be 25 in September? 1999. Yeah. You is your birthday? September 6th. You'll be 25 in September? 1999. Yeah. Okay. You just turned 24? Yeah, I have a few wrinkles. No fucking way you just turned 24. I just turned 24.

Don't look at the picture. Yeah. You look like you're 12 in this picture. September 6th, 1999. Yeah. The fuck? It's crazy. I would have said you're 28.

You know him like in the moment. No, no, no. It's not. He's not being rude. He's just basing it on your skin. Shut the fuck up. I'm just basing it on your looks, not your behavior. It's not your acting.

It's how you... It's just on your general aging process. So like if you were to mix in... I've got to mix in more 11-year-olds. If you mixed in a 20... I've got Nickelodeon. If you mixed in a 28-year-old, you could crack into the 30s. You'd be 39 and three-quarters.

Okay. Okay. And if, yeah, let's see. If you mix in another 11-year-old, your age is still 35 and a half though that 70 year old's really skewing things that 70 year old's really creating problems for your dating record i didn't do anything with him so can we take him off the list and i also didn't do anything with the 11 year old wait a second he just had a great butt dance um so wait wait but real quick when that video came out your initial reaction was clearly like yes yeah i'm jackie nichols everybody knows it

everybody knows it and and baby gronk and that weirdo kid is uh like they're you know i'm on their radar that That's awesome. Yeah. Well, I mean, I definitely was like, I don't know. I mean, it's also like it's the 40-year-old dad who's. Yeah. So, again, ratio wise. What do you do when you're baby Gronk and you turn when you're like you become your own person?

What happens? I don't know. Like even when he's like 16, it's like you got to go to school and be like,'m a regular person i like to play football yeah i'm a regular kid it's probably not gonna be regular because of all this but then it's like oh you're a baby gronk your dad's been like pretending to be you his whole life like that's how do you just hand that oh no way that's not no way okay this kid has no shot then. Never mind. That's his mom. What does she look like? I can't tell. She kind of looks like you.

Jackie, never in your wildest dreams. Come and look at this. I'm scared. It's going to be like an old woman, I guess. That's insane. You think that she looks like me? Jackie's like, oh my God. No, she's just like an older white woman you know shut the fuck up

I mean this all makes so much more sense now I don't know that's just that's crazy totally crazy do you think that there's a chance that this kid turns out normal no yeah sure John right there's always a chance there's a chance well well uh i was debating whether i wanted to wanted to put this on there but i i sent you the conversation i had

with keegan over the weekend keegan keegan keegan at the age of six had like a an adult breakdown i couldn't believe it i i was he was baseball baseball and football started as basketball was ending uh yeah as basketball was ending so there was an overlap so there was like two weeks basically where he had football baseball basketball and martial arts and he likes all this shit but a lot of different after-school activities and school and play dates and shit. And all of a sudden he didn't want to go to martial arts a couple of times in a row. And he was like causing a scene being like,

I don't want to go to martial arts. And we were like, come on, man. Like you got to go. You signed up for it. It's a commitment. You got to do it.

And he like the floodgates just opened. And he was like, I can't do it anymore. I can't do it. It's too much opened and he was like i can't do it anymore i can't do it it's too much and i was like i was like i'm the worst parent in the world oh my god i was like fine you don't have to do anything ever again and all of a sudden it went from like his schedule is too much to he's going i'm just i'm lying to you guys i'm lying to you when i tell you i like this stuff i'm lying to everybody i keep saying i like it but i don't i'm lying to my friends telling them that i saw those videos when i didn't because i want them to laugh and like me but i didn't i'm

lying and i this is on facetime because he because he was in the parking lot of martial arts. His mom called me to be like, can we talk? I'm literally on FaceTime. I am like sobbing trying to hold the camera away. He's like, I'm lying to everybody. So then I finally get together with him for going to sports, going to football during the weekend. And I was like, let's talk about it, buddy. And he goes, and I guess we'll put, it's just the audio of him because i don't want to film him

while he's doing it but i turned the camera on because i knew it was going to be just ridiculous he said to me i don't have any i don't have any thoughts in my head that are true that i think are gonna make them laugh oh so i lie to make them laugh and it goes i just want to make people laugh so they like me and i'm sitting in the seat in the front seat going i hear you brother been there for 15 years now i mean not i've never like i couldn't i could not believe like the words i was hearing because we've never as much as i do feel that like make people laugh so that they like you i was like holy shit but i've never you know that's never been something we've talked about or like we've gotten the vibe from him or whatever and i was like just don't don't lie just like tell true stories and then of course he goes all the other kids have great stories.

And he starts to tell me ones. They're all fucking lies. And he goes, no, no, no. He told me. He told me it was a true story. Oh, he did? He told you that? I was like, so why don't you just start lying and say they're true too?

Dude, I remember. I'm like six years old. And he's worried. His schedule is too much. And he's worried about people liking him for who he is. I was like, years old, and his schedule is too much, and he's worried about people liking him for who he is. I was like, bro, you're too young for this. I remember when I was a kid, I had a buddy who had this story about these two mice who lived in his backyard,

and they'd always come kiss at night. They'd always kiss goodnight. And then they died, and he found the skeletons kissing and I was like, how am I supposed to compete with this? I was like, you got this fucking guy spinning tails of fucking deadless romance? How am I going to compete with this?

He said when he picked him up by the tail, Kevin, they stayed stuck together. And I was like, this fucking kid's going to get all the pussy. Are you kidding me? Bro, this is also why I do this podcast and tell these stories, because he's always got something. When I was a kid, there was the tails of two dead mice. What? Bro, he's my best friend.

I was like, I don't know how the fuck I'm going to compete with that. What happened to me? I don't know. My family got a dog the other day. That's all I got. That's the only cool thing that's happened to me, man. You don't realize that everyone's lying. That's what I was more impressive to lie about, though.

That's a crazy detail. Yeah, that is crazy. Those mice kissing each other goodnight. You probably saw it in the Disney movies. i'm fucking up but i remember still jealous yeah i complained to my mom i was like this is fucking insane this kid's got great material have you seen have you have you seen little robbie do his son his 10 minute set rob's got a tight 10. Fucking Robert. He's going up at the cellar next.

Jesus Christ. Bro, when I was in, I want to say like second, third grade, I developed an eye twitch and constantly getting made fun of. And so I came up with the eye that, I came up with the lie that I had superpowers. That's like, I mean, that's not the most classic classic defense mechanism ever for a little kid. For a whole year, though, they were like, this is low-key and you can't tell anybody. I have superpowers and it's too

powerful. That's why my eyes twitch. A whole year I had them. Crazy. Really? How old were you? Probably like 10, 11. Dude, 10's a long time. 10's a long time. How can you believe in a superhero? I hope it was second grade because you're talking

a little more like fourth grade than you and your friends are dumb. It's all backfiring on Paz. We're like, hey, Paz, just so you know, your two best friends are... Yeah, my two buddies, really strong guys. They believe in you. We did everything together.

We rode the bus. Our teachers would hold our hands as we walked to the bathroom. I was just well into high school. Speaking of, did you see that commercial that went viral? No. Can we pull that up? You guys know what I'm talking about? It's this girl, and she's like...

Wow, I'm surprised this... Yeah, okay, here it is. Oh, yes! I did see this commercial. And it's a great message. You know, you assume I can't drink a margarita, so I don't drink a margarita. I think it's educational. You know, you assume I can't drink a margarita. I think it's educational. Yeah.

I didn't know you could drink a margarita. But. I'm just saying. She's, you know, like, she's like the all-star. That's what I was going to say. Let's just call it what it is. This girl has a higher IQ than me. This girl manages an acting career.

She is far more important together than I am. If I roll up driving and go, you drove here? That's totally the reaction of me driving. Honestly, that really would happen to be john drives i mean this girl yeah she's every night yeah right after i exercise what do you like candy yeah then i do like candy in movies.

It's totally... You guys are impressive. Thanks. Oh my God. Yeah. You are Kevin Malone. That's so good. Do you think that I'm... John, you drove. That's so good. Do you think that I'm... Wait a second.

John, you drove. I have to get the impression that there's a whole chunk of the community being like, I mean, come on. Jesus Christ. It'd be like if Ryan Gosling was making a video about being an everyday guy. It's like, well, come on, bro. It's not really like that for most of us. Most of us can't drink a margarita.

Come on. I get to see myself being like just getting in trouble by her at the bar. Here's a situation I could fully find myself in. Okay. Okay. Okay. Me seeing this woman at the bar and her coming up to me and being like, you're not buying me a margarita because you don't think I can drink a margarita. And me being like, oh, goddamn, my bad. Here you go.

Here's a margarita. And then, like, she's like, you're not asking me to dance because you don't think I can dance. And I'm like, yeah, no, you're right. Let's go dance a little bit. And then the lights come on at 2 a.m. She's like, you're not trying to fuck me because you don't think I can fuck. And then it comes 8 o'clock in the morning, and I now kind of go with Down syndrome pregnant. All because she's pressured me to be like, you don't think you can fuck?

You don't think you can fuck me? You can fuck me. Ladies and gentlemen, you just saw how out of order is written. That's it. You just saw how out of order it comes to be. If you don't do that skit and make it a commercial like that, you should shut down the whole operation. And everyone's like, what the hell is wrong with you?

I'm like, I don't know, man. She just kept telling me. She said I can't do it. I don't know. I don't know. She kind of courted me. And now? Here's what we're going to do.

Make that skit. You have to charge for it. Because you can't put it out. And it will be one of the funniest skits ever. John, here's a margarita alright let's dance alright let's fuck I mean

that would be that's how most of my sex happens the the quickness which with that all just unfolded in your brain

was amazing that was amazing he sent one to the group chat this weekend that's probably my favorite one ever written it's gonna be a season 2 one that won't come out for a while but it's your brain is just you just you you just think in skits now at all times it's amazing that would be so fucking funny

what do you think i can't fuck big boys boys never said that but okay it all does remind me though of mincey this weekend i still have not seen this this clip of mincey is i mean i've watched it a hundred times wait what part reminds you of mincey wait what is this this This is Viva TV. Okay. Chicago. Okay. Mincy in that conversation, and I actually am supposed to go smoke a bone with him right now if he's around. What's up, man?

Yeah, doing good, man. You got a couple bones on you? What's up? I mean, I don't know. No, no, no. I didn't bring that. I don't have any. I got no no. I didn't bring that. I don't have to. I got no idea.

I got no comment on it. I'm now fully convinced Mincy has never lied in his life. I mean, that was... I mean, I don't know. No, no, no. I didn't bring that. I don't have to. I got no idea. I got no idea.

I got no comment. I want to get your shit. Bro, Mince went from being the most casually relaxed person I've ever seen in my life. He literally pulled his arm back. He was giving a dab.

He went, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you asking for illegal weed? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Nope, nope, nope. He turned into like Porky Pig. That is crazy. Doing like the hand wave.

The worst liar in the history of life. Well, now it's good to know that. Like all these other times, he really is telling the truth. It's like I didn't think it would be a big deal. Or I'm sorry. It's like he really is. Because if he was I didn't think it would be a big deal. I'm sorry. It's like, he really is. Because if he was trying to lie, he would look like fucking that. I don't know anything about that.

Did you see him asking for the vape from PFT? No. This one might be better. Biz is the whole time in his mouth hoping. So good. All right here. So PFT has a vape in his hand he just ripped it those eyes

just staring into your soul right now well I mean I don't know how do into your soul right now. Well, I mean, I don't know. How do you answer that right now? Where do you have him right, Jake? Where would you have him right? I mean, this's here for life. He's here for life because we just have to wait for these moments to keep popping up.

It's got to be a weird feeling when you're like, I can't ever – I can't replicate this or do this at will but my regular but but it's like he wakes up going like i don't know what i'm gonna do today but something's gonna happen hopefully biz asked me for weed and then i can check my box for the day did biz like biz didn't do that on purpose right he wasn't like let's go sandbag him no like he like he was just like all right i might as well be asking for a glass of milk yeah it's just the thing that we're allowed to do right never change man never change eat better with factor meals they are delicious ready to eat meals your boy feidelberg is all about rattling

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I don't want to do that. I don't want to deal with dishes. I don't want to even wait 20 minutes. I want it to be done. I want a good meal in under three minutes. And that's what factor gets you. It's that to me, factor might be the greatest like achievement in like human science. It's crazy.

It's like good food up until this moment, good food took time or effort or money, or you had to go to the restaurant and now it just doesn't. It's like, you can just get like filet mignon or lobster or dips and chickens and every type of food under the sun. It's just in a microwavable tray. And you think it's going to be trash because, yeah, I'll be honest. In the past, that stuff does not ever come out good.

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Particularly in this era, I don't order that much anymore. Out. I'm disappointed 100% of the time I do. It's always dripping and wet or dry. It's lukewarm. It costs $90. Bro, I got a lasagna flight this weekend. A lasagna flight? I got a lasagna flight.

You throw a lasagna flight on a menu, I'm going to check out one of these. Okay. It was like $83 to get delivered. It was just like four different types of lasagna? And it was not good. And I was like, I wish I just fucking cooked or ordered or something like that. I'm sorry, I had to factor. You didn't cook, you just put

it in a microwave. And I remember being skeptical. Don't get me wrong. I've seen salmon and steak in the microwave. I was like, I don't know. And every time it is tender, it is juicy, it is somehow cooked perfectly. I don't even ask questions anymore factor has cracked the code so head over to factor meals.com slash kfc 50 and use code kfc 50 and you get 50

off your order today that's factor meals.com slash kfc 50 and then code kfc 50 at checkout to get 50 off your order rap is in such a bad state that kendrick lamar just saying like fuck those other guys like set the world on fire that like i hope drake and j cole listen if drake and j cole make responses and kendrick and them have like all-out war and they're going at it and they're making songs that's great but at where it stands right now like like nothing that kendrick lamar said there was particularly like layered or clever or it was just like fuck those guys there was not like a a verse there was not a uh there was no references that were like you know deep or like oh shit now i know what you're

talking you know what i mean unless unless there's stuff going over my head but everything i saw about it was like okay yeah he just said like it's not the big three it's just me fuck you guys the did you see that the track listing thing that is weird that was crazy that is strange it looks like all of the songs on kendrick lamar's album like reference all of the songs on drake's album which if that's me if i'm drake that's like i live in your head you made a whole album constructed around my last album because you wanted to like reference all of my tracks i don't know that that that to me seems like yeah you're doing too much like i don't think about you at all yeah exactly and like and here's the thing about drake you can do this we can like we'll have this argument forever and it'll never change

drake will end his career unless unless he like really makes a classic hip-hop album one day probably won't because that people have been that for years and he doesn't do it. Drake will end his career with backpack, underground rap heads being like, you're not a real rapper. And him being the most successful rapper of all time. It's just how it's going to be. It's going to be like a LeBron thing. It's like there are the people who are like, you're not the greatest.

But by all the metrics, he is. But there's something lacking with his atmosphere, with his aura, that he does not get the respect. And 99% of that, I think, is pretty ridiculous. But there is that 1%, the same way with LeBron. Sometimes you're like, that was lame. That was weird. Why did you say it that way? Why did you do it that way? Why'd you do it that way? It does, that was kind of like, you know, you are being a bitch or you are flopping

or you are, you know. Something crazy like making a kid's movie. Weird things though, like when he, when he, when he like pretends to read the books. Yeah. When he doesn't know the quotes of the movies, he says he loves. Things like that where you're just like, yeah, okay. You're, you're, you're like the kid lying about the two mice kissing. You're just lying to try to be popular.

But if LeBron did this stuff MJ did, people would hate. Imagine LeBron took a year off to go play baseball. They'd be like, you don't love the game. You don't have the passion. You bailed on your team. I mean, all of that shit all the time. But I'm just saying that there is that thing around. You can't say that Drake is like the toughest rapper of all time.

He lacks that. But he's going to be probably the most successful. And there is a reason why people even get upset when his albums aren't up to snuff. Because it's admitting that you know Drake can do it. If some clown rapper puts out an album that's not like amazing lyrics you don't care because you're like he's just a clown rapper the reason why it is such a thing with drake is because it's like we have heard individual songs or battles or you know the old you where it was like you can do all that so you almost by default are admitting

that he is one of the all-time greats so we're just going to do this around and around and around forever and and the other side of that is kendrick lamar who's like got all the respect in the world but will never be as popular as drake so it's like they are the perfect you know balances on on either side but i i thought it was all very like overblown considering what rap battle like used to be versus this now if if drake and uh j cole put out like you know full full blown i saw i saw drake at his concert say some shit like nobody can come at me if he puts out a song and now we have a back and forth then we can start talking but right now the rap world getting excited about that i think was more of an

indictment of how bad rap has been because that's that sort of shit used to happen every day people just being like fuck this person that was that wasn't even like news you know so i guess it's just that there's only three guys really who can rap and if they're all talking about each other that's gonna make noise but anyway um and then the otani thing is like i don't know that story changed like three times it never made sense to begin with and there's three different wires from his account you're gambling bro you're gambling who cares uh i mean technically it's illegal but yeah he was betting on illegal sites or illegal was he betting on baseball um i don't know i think that's part of like the Because the story keeps changing

It was my gambling losses and he paid it off Oh no wait you stole from me I think I heard it was not baseball But like I don't know I think there's every chance that I think if you have 4.5 million dollar wire and two separate 500 thousand dollar wires I think you've been on

Fucking lots of shit I don't I don't really care i just think it's like i mean that pr was just a nightmare that was crazy to to change this espn like had interviewed the guy and he was like they said in great detail he described i was gambling i racked up all these losses i told shoey about it he was not happy he said he would pay off my debts and then like that I would never do it again that was Tuesday night and by Wednesday morning he changed the story and was like he knows nothing about this I stole from him because I think they very quickly realized like even if you pay off a friend's debts you're still

like in you know engaging in illegal gambling so i'm sure like there's their their team put that out there and then one person was like you know you can still like get suspended for that right and they were like oh never mind this guy's going to jail now uh but the idea that like he wired the money without otani knowing that doesn't happen you can't wire 4.5 million dollars without the person knowing right like you can even have all the info and shit they call you and they talk to you and they like i mean i haven't wired 4.5 million dollars but i've i when i was taking care of my family when i got my money they call you they discuss it they make sure it's going to the right place and it was far less than 4.5 million dollars and if it was you on the phone like i think i don't

think i think there's they were asking security questions and all sorts of shit that like even if you're his interpreter so you're as close to him as possible yeah they still know you know if it's you or not so that that one kind of i'm surprised it was not a bigger deal that i don't know it was the perfect explanation of like go play for the dodgers explanation of, like, go play for the Dodgers. Go play for the Padres. Go play for the Angels. If you're a baseball player, nobody cares. I think this was in New York. Oh, my God.

Could you imagine WFN callers all day long? I can't have this guy on my team. We're like, yes, you're defending this guy. I mean, it would just be nonstop. But they might be happening in L.A. Those calls could be. Could be. I haven't seen any.

I don't know, obviously. But the – I think the interpreter claimed the bookie knew that it was not actually Otani betting, but that it was like Otani's account and related to Otani's money, and he let that be known because it was good for business. Like, oh, I'm Otani's bookie. I'm Otani's bookie. Which that could be possible.

Also possible, Otani is gambling. I didn't know this. Somebody said to me like, oh, well, over there they love to gamble. So I don't know if that's – Oh, Asians? Asians love to gamble. Asians love to gamble. Yeah, so maybe that's a big thing.

I could also see – It's a basis of like three Sunny episodes. Yeah, yeah. I guess I just didn't realize it was like specifically. Yeah, I think How I Met Your Mother has a Chinese gambling arc. From what I pick up from American television, Asian people love to gamble. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you saying it's bad PR reminded me of a tweet I saw this weekend.

It's the craziest tweet I've ever seen. It was about the Kate Middleton stuff. And someone quotes me and was like, this is such a PR mishandling. If they just handled it normally, we wouldn't have thought he was abusing her. And it was like a big tweet. And I was like – Well, I still think it was bad PR, but there's no jump to it. But like –

He was abusing her. No, no one made you think that, dude. You made yourself think that. Yeah. I actually – I've come around. I don't think it was bad PR either. Well, they. Everything was just what they said was going to happen. No, but the tweet and the Photoshop stuff was very strange.

But the Photoshop was, that caption wasn't like, here's us today. Hmm? The caption of that wasn't like, here's us today. Yeah, but that's what I mean. PR, you have to, like, understand how these things are going to to be portrayed but i would guarantee every picture they've ever posted was photoshopped so they were like yeah post a picture i could see that but it's it's rather obtuse to be like we're gonna post this picture and then talk about photoshop when we know what the whole world is talking about and speculating you know that but the photoshop only came up after people were like it's's Photoshopped. It's her picture from a magazine. Like, no, it's her face.

Yeah. Yeah. This is her Vogue. This is her on Vogue. The real thing was that they initially said, like, she went, she got these tests done. She's having some sort of problem, but it's not cancer. And that's when everyone, because I think if they had just said, like, we don't know what it is yet. Right.

People probably would have been like, well, we have to wait to see. But once, like, cancer was ruled out, people were people were like he's beating her he's cheating on her because it just it gave the green light to be like okay nothing there people are still still claiming it's fake yeah well that's conspiracy it's one level deeper now this this this ring thing it doesn't disappear they say like her ring disappears And it like I zoomed in on the photo and it just like it just doesn't. It's like and if it did, what does that fucking mean? I mean, it is crazy. And also when they're like people like it doesn't look like it's like, well, yeah, I don't think she looks great right now.

But she's going through fucking surgery. But this is what these all things are. It's just it's something now. it's something we don't know about. Now it's another thing we don't know about. Yeah, well, they just keep going. Now it's another thing we don't know about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm always good,

I'm down for a good conspiracy theory. It's, if you keep going down, like, once it's proven or disproven or whatever, if you keep manufacturing shit, you're, like, in QAnon. That's what they do. That's what QAnon does. They just keep moving the goalposts.

It's like, okay, Donald Trump didn't – Joe Biden didn't pull off his mask and it's Donald Trump. Now what? And they just keep going. Like the fact that you thought it was ever going to happen – What was that one that was doing the Nate? Like, oh, she doesn't look good. Yeah, right. It's like, she has cancer.

Doesn't Stuart Scott look like shit at this Bojangles? They did it with Chadwick Boseman. They're like, he's on drugs. Yeah, to try to fight the cancer in his body. You dumb assholes. Let her fucking be, man. Goddamn. All right, let's get to our voicemails.

The Gentleman on Netflix. We've been telling you about it for a couple weeks now and every single person i have run into has told me how good this translates from movies to television i started this morning it's it's really good i woke up at seven o'clock this morning i watched uh kong skull island and then i started the as one does and then i did the gentleman the gentleman is is make sure you block out some time uh start binging through it because you're not going to want to stop it's one of those ones where you're going to look up and be like what i just watched 10 episodes because you've got hitler's balls cocaine chickens you got priests with a shotgun virgin Virgin Mary full of weed. That's The Gentleman.

That's what Guy Ritchie does best. He takes that gangster world and turns it into a fun, entertaining experience. And now you get it for 10 full episodes. So if you like movies like Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, then head over to Netflix to watch the new

version of The Gentleman. Watch what happens when people try to play gangsters at their own game. Don't miss The Gentleman, now playing only on Netflix. I also think I'm a little bit racist with Theo James. It was just like British people are British people. I was convinced Theo James was the guy from Fleabag who's like the kind of ugly, goofy guy. Just because he's British. I was looking through Theo James' IMDb and I was like,

this isn't him. No, he's British. What's he from? He's in The Chick's Love. What? Divergent. Yeah, he's that guy. We're chatting. Chattanooga. This is a voicemail for us? We're just chatting.

Fights, JFC. Pause, pause, pause. Chattanooga This is a voicemail for us? We're just Chattanooga Fight to see Pause, pause, pause These girls are lost These girls got lost These girls got lost on the internet I didn't think it was possible, but you made a left when you should have made a right and you ended up at KSC Radio instead of

Plan Bree. This looks like girls who are about to make a TikTok together about Kate Middleton or some shit and you ended up at KFC Radio instead of Plan B. This looks like girls who are about to make a TikTok together, like, you know, about Kate Middleton or some shit. These girls are about to ask me and John a question. Okay, okay. We're chatting. Chattanooga.

Chattanooga, just Chattanooga over here. We're just Chattanooga. Fight KFC, the rest of the crew, especially Jackie. Shout out to Jackie. We're Jackie girls. Jackie girls. I literally was watching the episode the other day, talking about the homeless man. Oh, the homeless man?

These girls are so stoned. I love it. We would do it. And I would do it over again. Shut up. But, rip it. Rip it. Rip it. I love the patent pending.

I need merch. I need a t-shirt. I need a hat. A good trucker hat. You like a trucker hat. I love a trucker hat, but might as well just get a fucking tattoo across my chest. Rip it. Rip it.

Rip it. I need merch, though. I need you guys.ie start the movement girl first time caller long time listener who did at the end viva so we're kind of right like they did kind of mean to call plan they were like you two whatever let's talk to Jackie. Jackie, rip it. It's the movement, babe. I love these girls. I mean, I love these girls. Nobody's ever been higher than those two girls.

Did you see it? They're eating nachos the whole time. I can see them. Just stuffing their face with nachos while they're doing a little Chattanooga, ready to rip it. I was also saying to you guys, I wish I had also called it the I never said I was perfect era. I don't know. I hung out with the homeless man. I never said I was also saying to you guys, I wish I had also called it the I never said I was perfect era. I don't know.

I hung out with a homeless man. I never said I was perfect. I talked to a 70-year-old. I never said I was perfect. I don't know. Dude, I never said I was perfect. It's such a good explanation for just everything. Anything.

I don't know. I didn't tell you I was going to handle that situation well. I never made that promise. If I told you ahead of time i will not go to karaoke with a homeless man and i went then then i'm in trouble i never said that i never said that i never said i wasn't gonna get a girl with down syndrome pregnant jack do you have a tattoo i can't remember no i can't no rip it oh fuck that was crazy I like ripped off the like straight up

straight up ripped it straight up ripped it she ripped it something came flying out I didn't even touch that what like the mic she ripped the whole mic out

she just ripped this thing off Jackie's so strong I think Jackie has like super strength just judging by the time like it was that run where she are you calling me

Jackie's so strong she doesn't even know it dude remember there was that run where she Jackie's so strong she doesn't even know it dude remember there was that stretch where she was just throwing things at me she was always throwing like really heavy things

really fast at me it was wait there was one time it was like four things in a row you threw a bag of chips in my face and then you hit me

with something else that I've ever been like that was really hard this bitch is strong I accidentally like got massive biceps. I think you're huge, Jackie. I think I'm, yeah.

You're going to be on an Amazon show. You might need to get a Rippa tattoo for all the girls out there. I can't get tattoos. My mom won't let me. This bitch had a nose job and a boob job. But she can't get a tattoo. Listen, we're going to make your face

and your tits perfect but don't you touch that body. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. All right, well, maybe you can't

but they should. We should get, anybody who gets a Rippet tattoo will get a shout out on this podcast. I had like a failed Rippet this weekend. We're like,

well, it's not even like a Rippet and it's not that funny. I like that. Failed Rippets. Send in your failed Rippets. Yeah, unless you were like there. It's like not that failed ribbits send in your failed ribbits yeah unless

you were like there it's like not funny but so my gym membership i got it like a gym membership for like a present but it ends in like march so i was kind of like was it a full year yeah okay and i was like um i well i haven't tried out like the indoor pool or the hot tub, like the hot tub. So I was like, okay, like might as well like fuck it. I mean, it was not that crazy. It's not like going out with a homeless man, but I was like, fuck it. I'm going to use the pool. It is a little crazy to be honest.

The hot tub? The hot tub, yeah. That's crazy. Like how are you going to go in the hot tub there? It's one thing for like old men to hop in, but like how are you – what do you – Yeah, well, I don't know. What do you wear to the hot tub at the gym? I just had a bathing suit on.

Did you pee in it? Did you wear a regular bathing suit? I wore a regular bathing suit. Why is this so crazy? I'm just asking if you usually pee in hot tubs. No, I don't. That's one thing. It didn't even occur to me that other people did that. When I ask you a question, you're speaking for all women.

Just so you know that. I was curious. I pee every hot tub every i stand on the outside the hot tub and pee into it i fill it up like i mean once you get that hot water yeah i mean i think you're weird if you don't be in a hot tub to pee and everybody knows it's hot enough that it kills the pee it's gone oh wait by the way pee's not even toxic it's fine but because of your answer i'm assuming no women ever pee, so it's mostly male piss. Ew, dude. Yeah, I mean, I've never really thought to. But I could be totally wrong on that.

Well, I can assure you that the hot tub at the gym is all male piss because no girls are crazy enough to go in there, except for Jack. Okay, well, so then when I went to the hot tub, there were all men in there. So I was like, okay, I can't do the hot tub. But there was a pool next door, so I was like, okay, I can't do the hot tub, but there was a pool next to her. So I was like, okay, I'll just like walk by confidently and act like I was always going to go to the pool.

Oh my God. This is amazing. And also like, it's, it's to know, like, it's important to know that like, I can't swim.

So I was like, right. You, we never did the triathlon by the way, you guys skated on that. And Jackie was so nervous that she was going to like drown during the triathlon part of the swimming part of the triathlon. So then I'm like, okay, I'll just like, to, like, drown during the triathlon. The swimming part of the triathlon. So then I'm like, okay, I'll just, like, kind of, like, stand in the pool.

And, like, just get in, like, for, like, five minutes and then get out and, like, walk confidently out. And so then I, like, get in the pool. And the lifeguard, like, comes running over. And I'm just, like, standing there. Are you talking, like, knee deep? Like, probably chest deep i'm like i'm like you're in the shower hanging on to like the the edge of the pool oh my god and i just washed my hair so i'm like not trying to get my hair wet and um then like the lifeguard comes running over and he's like you have to wear like a cap and goggles in order to be in this pool so i was like okay no no sorry i'm like i'm getting

out right now and he goes no no like i'm trying to do this thing where i'm being nice to people so i'll let you wear my cap and goggles and i was so now i'm like responsible for his like character arc or whatever and so i'm like i'm like no no no and he's like no no i was like i'm literally just gonna be in for five minutes he's like no you have at least have to stay for 15 minutes now because like i'm gonna give you my cap cabin goggles like i don't know why and he was like about to end his shift i don't know so then i was like okay so he like gives me this cabin goggles and then um and so i put it on but then i just look ridiculous standing like you had to be there like me just like with cabin goggles like just standing just standing not swimming so

i was like okay like i gotta swim but like i just washed my hair like i really didn't want somebody was like okay i have to like at least dunk like a few times and then like it still looked weird people were kind of staring wait so you're just now now you're just standing in the shallow and kerplunk come up that's it well then i was like now i have to like swim so now i'm like starting to swim and he's watching and like now he's on duty because now he can see like i clearly can't swim and so and so then he like comes up after the first lap he goes do you want like flippers or something like that and then he's you need help and then he's just like watching me do like and it was so hard like trying to swim

like i'm trying to like act like how i see people do it bro and he was just watching the entire time and i literally was just like after like two minutes i was like i'm sorry like i just gave my brand out and it was so embarrassing i was like i'm never showing my face again. Bro, you are the best. That is, I'm going to call it the most Jackie story of all time. You, all you had to do was just keep walking. And be like, I'm not going to get in the hot tub. You got inside your head that those guys were going to be like, that girl was so weird not getting in the hot tub.

So instead, you decided to wade through the water, take some dude who was clearly hitting on you, take his goggles and cap, and then flail around in a pool rather than just say, I gotta go. You are the best. Per my

initial question in this story, was do you pee in the hot tub let me tell you something about the pool don't don't i don't want to no there's no clearer way to show someone that you're peeing in the pool and just getting wasted yeah i'm good yeah that girl just pissed that hot tub would have been like that girl just put on the bathing suit and take a leak and got the fuck out had you had that guy not come over and pressured you into wearing his cap and gown they'd be like that chick just pissed in the pool and got out what the fuck i mean it probably would be less

embarrassing than watching like the if you jackie jackie anything would have been less embarrassing than what you did literally anything at that point you know like the people go to the pool at the gym are like they're like swimming laps and shit yeah i didn't you know they don't just like pop on a bikini and go to the pool at the gym like that's insane that you were like i just put on a bathing suit like that's not what they do nobody does that now i know oh my god i was like that didn't how go well. Thank god. Were you going to stop the podcast and make sure you tell that story?

I mean, it wasn't the most electric thing. What other stories does she maybe have not told on the podcast? Because the fact that this podcast was going to come and go and you were not going to talk about the failed rip it in the gym pool is insane.

I can't decide what my favorite part is. Her standing there or the guy coming over going, do you need flippers? Was he young? Yeah. Yeah. He clearly was like, you have to stay. Yeah. Put this on and you can use mine and stay.

If you're not you, he's like, get the fuck out. But then he like backed up. Like once he saw me. Once he realized that you were probably. Man, those biceps can't swim. You want a margarita? Drive, Jackie. You are. I can drink a margarita. dry Jackie you are

I can drink a margarita hey KFC fights Jackie everyone I'm a Wisconsin basketball fan playing J we just played JMU and lost I was sitting next to a pastor in the stands and I made a bet

that if he loses he has to convert to Judaism, and if I lose, I have to convert to Christianity. Wisconsin lost. I have to convert to Christianity. I'm not really sure what to do. You guys, as Christians, you guys have any, like, I don't know, like, ideas about being a Christian? I don't know like ideas about being a Christian

I don't really believe in the whole Jesus thing but I guess whatever you got I'll take your advice that's a pretty big part it's a pretty central tenet of the the whole Christ thing in Christians is a big sticking point

it's going to be tough for you to not believe in Jesus. So we're going to need you to accept him as your Lord and Savior first. Is Wisconsin a Jewish school? I'm basing this off Dan and that guy. Yeah. The Big Ten, I think, in general. Is Big Ten Jewish?

I think I've heard that about Michigan. Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin. Every Jewish kid I know from Long Island goes to one of those. I think Michigan. Ben went there. Michigan for sure is Jewish. I knew that from Dave. But again, I'm almost like Jackie answering for all women.

I know a Jewish person who went there. It's a Jewish school. The Big Ten is Jewish is really funny. Why is the middle of America so Jewish? But they're not. That area is not. It's funny. Why is the middle of America so Jewish? But they're not. That area is not. It's funny. There's Jews three places

in the world. Israel, New York, and L.A. And Miami. Southern Florida. But those are basically New York. But then I think you go to school. So they all choose

the Big Ten? I think when you go to school they go to like, you know, Emory is one where, you know, Kim Margo went there too. But that's a Jewish school. But, you know, that's like down school But you know it's like down south I think it just became one because it became one

Six of the top ten most Jewish public colleges Are part of the big ten Let's go Crush that You know It's probably like I think somebody Decided to blaze the trail and be like

Alright I'm leaving Manhattan and I want to go to the Midwest and go to a big football school or some shit. And then once there's a little bit of a presence there, they all follow. Not the SEC or anything crazy. Well, Florida has the most Jewish students. That feels like it's a New York, Florida thing, though. Well, no, that's as a Florida alumni, Florida college alumni.

The program in Florida is insane. Like tuition programming. Like if your family owns a home in Florida, you get paid to go to college. So a lot of them have homes down there. Yeah. And we know they want to save money. So they just send their kid down there. When I was at FSU, I had a lot of friends who had insanely nice cars.

I'd be like, why the fuck do you have this car? And my dad was like, I got into a bunch of other colleges. My dad was like, if you go to college in Florida, I'll get you this car because he's still making money. He's still saving money on it. Wow. He's still saving money on it. Wow. So pretty much my apartment complex was like a Hollywood movie, whereas everyone had porches and Mercedes. It was insane.

Number four, Jews love the Big Ten Conference. It is the funniest thing I've read all day. Yale is the most Jewish Ivy, but Cornell has the most total Jews. Number four, Jews love the Big Ten Conference. I mean, that is just so good. Here's the thing. Like, if you're going to try to join my religion and tell me that the Messiah has still not yet shown up and you're still waiting for him, you can't get through the door. That's day one.

We, we, you know, we got to, we got, we got to talk about a lot of things. We got to talk about the, the blood and the,

and the bread and, and, and all that. We can't even get there until you tell me that Jesus is your savior. Yeah. So that would be like the first step. You got to convert and, you know, that's really really we'll talk about the

commandments we'll talk about some of the uh the sacraments and the the things you got to do you're snipped that's fine we're good with that but you're gonna have to say that jesus is the messiah you're gonna have to leave that one behind i mean these jews the jews are ridiculous acting like jesus hasn't come. Like, they're just still waiting. They're just like, one day it's going to happen. Fellas, guys.

I thought Judaism accepts that Jesus came, but he wasn't really a man. Right. So they're still waiting for like the coming of God. It's like, he came. It was that guy.

Okay, sure. I'll give you that. That was a coincidence. So that's what's funny. Sure, he was here. His name was Jesus. Jews must just think, they must have just been like, can you believe what they did to that guy? That wasn't even the right one.

They fucking put him on a cross and everything. That was brutal, and it's not even the right guy. Now, guys, come on. What's more likely? Our story's right. Come on. What's more likely? Our story's right. Come on. So, you know, call back and tell us if you've accepted Jesus, and then we can start talking about the minutia, the nitty-gritty,

the X's and O's, if you will. I do love making that bet. You've got to go to Mass on Sunday. You've got to flip from Saturdays to Sundays. Yeah, that's a great bet. That's a confident priest. He's like, don't you worry about it. Hey, imagine that priest was just like well fuck all right i'm jewish now yeah i made a bet there goes my whole livelihood the lord saw it again

yeah like that's like do not lie or some shit yeah i shall not lie i shall not steal so all right dude also have to give a shout out to pm PMT. Like, it's one of those things, like, it feels like old-school Barstool where, like, Boston, we're just always in it. I mean, the chance of that bracket. It feels like that. It's one of those things where you've got to be in it to win it. But, like, it feels like the sports world is always focusing around someone in PMT. It's crazy.

Whether it was PFT. Same thing with Dave. I'm sorry, whether it was Hank. The timing of Dave. It's crazy. Whether it was PFT. Same thing with Dave. I'm sorry, whether it was Hank. The timing of Dave. It's that deal with the devil. The deal with the devil kind of extends to the PMT universe. Yeah, Max is big for Philly. Yeah.

But JMU versus Duke and – no, JMU versus Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Yeah. And Duke versus Vermont. Vermont. It's crazy it was

Boston was always in it this video is so funny who shot that? that is one of those things too the next day the guy's gonna be like fuck that was PFT PFT said the guy ended up being cool so he must have realized it

I can also see if you don't know who I think PFT said the guy ended up being cool, so he must have realized it. Yeah. Because I can also see if you don't know who these people are. You are a colossal asshole. Stop fucking filming yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, no, I have millions of people who are going to be pretty mad if I don't. Yeah, yeah. I understand.

I wish I was just watching the game too, dude. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's a great one. You shut the fuck up all right that's it for voicemails today make sure you call in hit the line college girls all the way up to the fellas whoever the grandpa's dating jackie if you were at the pool with jackie we want to hear your side of the story uh if you got any good or bad rippets, call in. You got to hit us up. Go to our social media.

I like the idea of failed Rippets. Failed Rippets has a lot of potential. So hit us with your failed Rippets. Anytime you tried to do something and just totally botched it, go to any of our social media pages and click the link to submit voicemails or video voicemails, and you can make it to the next episode of kfc radio and we'll get into our interview today with kyle canane he is uh shane torres's co-host on their podcast and a very funny guy out there on the road uh who is just if you if you've ever wanted

to know like the the the origin story for pretty much all comics out there it's it's kyle on this one so uh kyle canina kyle kyle canine on kc radio let's do it comfortable kicks right there borderline house slippers i like where you're at dude well we're at a point in the world where you can if you want just wear slippers out and it's fashionable and i'm like this is my kind of fashion i was i was on crocs before somehow, I don't know what flipped it. I don't know if it was urban youths that made it. Oh, now it's cool. I'm like, your boy's been there for a minute.

You know, one of my, we have a podcast here, Spittin' Chicklets, which is a hockey podcast. And I don't know how closely you ever followed hockey or any listeners or anybody who's listening to me say this. In the world. But Peter Forsberg was a very good hockey player. He played for Colorado Avalanche, had a very iconic Swedish goal in the Olympics,

and he has made more money in his post-hockey career because he had such bad ankles towards the end of his career that one of the athletic trainers was like, hey, there's this new shoe. You should wear this around. And everyone made fun of him. And then Crocs heard about it, and they made him the face of European marketing,

gave him a ton of equity. Really? He was like the running joke. Best thing that ever happened. He was bad ankles, man. Fucking Crocs, dude. Do you need any American domestic slouch to promote Crocs? I'll ditch these things right away.

You mentioned my shoes. I know yours went right away as well. Yeah. Those are very sharp. I'll tell you, my first pair of Crocs came because I was invited to a beach wedding. It's beach wedding. You can dress accordingly. And so I found something online called flofers,

which are exactly the mix of words of loafers that float. I'm like, well, this nails it. This nails beach casual. And I took them out of the box. My girlfriend was always just, hey, if you feel good in it, go for it. I'm like, check it out. She's like, absolutely. She felt so bad I had to send them back.

She got me a pair of Crocs to make up for it. I'm like, well, now I'm all about this life. You know it's bad when the women are like, you can go with the Crocs. It's on the beach. It's still a formal wear. But they'll float. If they get in the ocean, I can still get one back. That's what they look like.

Yeah. I still might dip back in. I don't know. Yo, Crocs, yeah. I still might dip back in. I don't know. Yo, Crocs are funny. I tried to reach out. This was like a couple years ago. Because I mean, you do, as a white guy, you hit a point where you either dive in or you don't. You know what I mean?

Like you either are about them or you're not. And I dove in. And I was thinking, I was like, I want to try to do something with crocs and barstool maybe a collaboration or maybe we could sell the little the little things that you know and uh so i asked my merch team to like reach out to them and like crocs wouldn't even like sniff our phone call they were like we're busy doing a collaboration with balenciaga like yeah i was like i was like, I think it'll be good for them. They want the barstool audience. And it was like, we're good, dude.

Don't lose your original fans, guys. They are getting a little bit. Yeah, totally, totally. Balenciaga Crocs are not the wave. You have to remember who built you. What's the biggest ask you guys ever went for for a sponsorship? Honestly, I... What about Mercedes?

When they ask, they more tell us. It's not a regular thing, but there's certainly been a few times where they're like, any sponsors you're interested in? And I'm like, the ones that advertise with podcasts. I don't fucking know. I'm not going to go out there and, like you say, Mercedes.

It is. I imagine you know who advertises with podcasts. Call those guys. Yeah, whoever's throwing the money around. Whoever do underpants are out there. Give me those. I keep juking things. I like mountain biking, and I'm really bad on it.

So I'll tag people, like brands, and threaten them that I'll tell people I'm sponsored by them unless they give me free product. That's great. We had a – it will remain anonymous, but it was a shoe company here that reached out and said, like, we love all you guys. You have, like, complete creative freedom. Do what you want. But we do not want tommy this guy who we work with tommy it wearing our our shoes at all and and he was like he had the plan to be like the anti-sponsor he was like i'm gonna go around and i'm gonna threaten to wear them unless

they pay me yeah why can't it work that way why can't we get a little uh blackmail on these corporations i love the idea of brands reaching out could you never wear our stuff it's not like it was you know they were not like on the the runways of milan in italy they were kind of like a pretty you know like every man's shoe and they were like not that guy there was we had i was doing a podcast we had a spot there was like a like like underpants clothing thing and we got it and you could tell it was one of those no fat people brands. That's the guy I was with. It's like a double XL. He's like, I got the triple XL and it fit like a

woman's medium hoodie. And we dragged him too because he did that. The pants they gave, these track pants, they're supposed to be like $100. The crotch fell out of them after one wash. I'm like, we're sponsored by these guys. It sucks. Everything falls apart. I like that.

I'm not going to lie to people. You're not going to make much money, but you'll have a loyal audience. That's for sure. I'm really eating a lot of soup with my altruism over here. When did you get into mountain biking? I don't even know if I'm into it yet. That sounds so bad. That seems like something that you can't just be bad at.

I feel like if you're bad at mountain biking, you break your neck. Let me bring up some videos. No, but I mean you stop doing it once you take a bad spill down a fucking mountain. You just keep running it out. Yeah, that took a few months out of last year. I talk about it like I'm even remotely good at it. It's just an interest that I have that I've been doing for a long time. Is it incredibly hard?

No. No? No, it's whatever you want it to be. The only reason I like skateboarding and BMX and all this is because I sucked at sports so bad, and these are things I can go and be terrible at alone, and I'm not letting down a team. That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard. My only sports experience is like, okay, I'm in peewee soccer, and it's me picking my nose.

Everybody cruises by. Some kid's Italian dad is the coach. He's screaming swear words at me in Italian. And I'm just like, I don't think I like this. Not for me. Not for me. You know, you're coming up even just kickball. Easy out, move in.

I'm like, I hate all these people. I'm not going to do this anymore. I can go, like, fall doing kickflips in the bank parking lot all night, and nobody says shit. I'll go do that. So that's how I started. That's why I like all the action sports. A regular Tony Hawk over here, man.

I'm just against myself. That's the only person I'm bumming out. Do you still follow action sports and things like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, not, like, religiously, but that's the stuff person I'm bumming out. Are you still follow action sports and things like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, not religiously, but that's the stuff I pay attention to. What is the state of them? Because I remember when I was younger, probably like 2000s, late 90s, whatever that run, there was a huge run of the Gravity Games, the X Games.

All that stuff was on MTV. What was the tour called? The Van Store. The Dew Tour. X Games. I mean, everybody's kind of had a piece of it back when. I remember I went to the Gravity Games. Maybe it was the X Games in Providence, Rhode Island with my dad.

And I was like, this is the fucking. And I took an interest in. I tried to skateboard. Couldn't do it. Sucked at skateboarding. I was an inline rollerblader, which I feel like is the fake. I did some of that. I fruit booted for a little while.

Pair of Solomons, no idea how to grind. Just jumping up on a curb and just like hitting the curb and falling over and being like, sick. Yeah, that's it. Time to crush these 40s. Dude, I just wanted to smoke cigarettes in the middle school. That's what you did. One guy was kind of good.

You'd cheer him on. I wanted the lifestyle. I didn't care about the tricks. Yeah, there was one kid. He was crossing his feet. He knew all the... He was like, I just did a double back unity, man. I was like, cool, man.

Can we get the beer now? Greg's going to try and hit the rail by the train station. All right, let's get a case of beer and watch him. The good old days. But yeah, I would imagine now people are doing shit like i saw a kid who was like 10 years old doing a 900 and tony hawk was like this is this is awesome like tony hawk did it as a grown man and it was like the the trick heard around the world and now a literal like baby is doing it yeah oh i think tony hawk's in the process of

doing all his tricks for the last time because i think he turned he was 50 or something so he's trying to complete all this he busted his femur all this guy like the stuff so I'm I'm 47 so I started in the 80s seeing like when it was the real early days of skateboarding and freestyle bikes and all that stuff and so it kind of blew up with like the swatch impact tour was the thing like 1988 so I remember all that and then it went dead and it lost all the money. So you had the people that were really into it, fell in love with it, making their own companies, and it kind of went underground DIY, kind of like punk rock style. Yeah.

Why did that happen? Because – Was there like a star in the beginning? I think it just fell out. I mean, fads – They come and go. You know? Yeah.

I mean, without knowing anything about – hearing somebody say like, oh, the NBA is in trouble or something. I'm like, what? I was like, right. Like, they're going to make $12 billion instead of $11 billion or whatever. Yeah, I'm unplugged from sports. Everybody's like, the NBA, oh, NHL is having a rough time. What?

Are you kidding? There's been merchandise everywhere. I'm like, no, this was like guys that were making, teenagers were making hundreds of thousands of dollars in 1990 are now like, oh, he's delivering your pizza. Yeah, yeah. yeah yeah so i don't know i think it just went back to it i i like the skateboarders i think the skateboarders come from more like an artistic background and are more like a little bit soulful like the bmx dudes are a little more like backwoods psychos yeah they're a little more totally they're a little more hillbilly. Because they're like, fuck, I don't know, man.

Fucking drum it. Skateboard is like more finesse. I just dig all that stuff. I like somebody that's going out there. Obviously, there's competition. But otherwise, the practice to get to that is like, I'm just going to get hurt a lot today. I'm going to get hurt so much. The amount of guys who would just be like, yeah, I broke like a thousand bones like ten times over.

Oh, that's Matt Hoffman. Yeah. Like that didn't stop you? You're crazy. Those guys do deserve to have millions upon millions if you make it to that level. Oh, yeah. Because it's like you really earned it. I remember being a kid going to the skate park outside of Chicago.

I'm like, oh, there's like this legend, this pro that lives in town. And at the time, you're like, oh, he's got to be like 60. Like, no, I think he's like 24. But like hobbles. Like once he's on the bike, he's amazing. But he gets off and he's just like folded over in half. Jesus. When I was a kid, one of the levels in the Tony Hawk game. It was in Providence, Rhode Island.

Skate Island, Skater's Paradise. One of those two. And me and my friends all went like, fuck yeah, dude, we're going to go to the Tony Hawk level. We got to a 60-foot half pipe. I was going to say, what are you doing? Yep. You might try to drop in on Stonehenge while I'm at it. This isn't real.

This isn't real for 99.9% of people at skateboarding. I couldn't put my foot on the board and just push along. I was the biggest spaz in the world on a skateboard. Literally tried to just ride a skateboard, forget about tricks, one time, and I was like, never again. Welcome to every day of gym for my entire life. I had a gym teacher try to explain a layup in words first. Like, all right, you're going to jump off with your left leg and use your right knee to propel yourself.

And I just looked like I had a spasm midair. Because I'm listening to the direction like this and just looked like I had a seizure. And I'm like, none of this. Just get made fun of. None of this is for me. I'm the reason there's a written exam in gym class.

I was the reason. We gotta pass these kids somehow. Let them write a poem about track and field. I just don't want to see them in here next year. I don't care. Graduate this fucking kid. Do a watercolor about basketball canines. Just get the fuck out of here. We don't want to see him in here next year. I don't care. Graduate this fucking kid. Do a watercolor about basketball, Kanae. Just get the fuck out of here.

We don't want this. Yeah. It was funny. We just did our – we just had a combine for the office. And, like, I played sports my whole life. So, like, everyone I hung out with was athletic because that's what we did. And it was, like And it's so funny watching we had Clemmer up there

and a guy who works here. And it's like, oh, you never... It's weird. I don't know why I didn't take note, I guess, of people like you.

I didn't even look at you people like you. I didn't even know you guys existed. Let's say there's the second saddest thing that you've heard on this podcast.

Like, if you asked me in school, like, was everyone good at gym? I'd be like, yeah, everyone's good at gym. Because if they weren't, we'd beat the shit out of them. They were crying in the corner. You never saw them. They were dead. They killed themselves.

They cried until they were invisible. That might be the meanest thing you've ever said to somebody do you want to know the sense of humor developed to save my fucking life i was gonna say people like you that's that tell jokes until i leave you alone it's it's the written test in gym class and it's sando comedy that's that's what's born out of that right don't Don't crush him yet. He makes me laugh. All right, man. We live to see another day.

Oh, I even get to keep my lunch. This is the best day of my life. Was that something like that happen? Was a lunch? And this is, I'm not asking you specifically. I'm asking for the world. That was a really thing that happened? Like people stole lunches and shit like that?

Well, I mean, it's bullies. It's bullies. They're shitty kids. But people – in my high school, I really don't think people got bullied. You were the bully then. Yeah, that's what I always tell them. I'm like, you were a bully. No, no.

You were the bully. Honest to God, you know who the bully was? It was the theater kids. The theater kids were notably mean. But he went to a boarding school. Okay, I was like, it's it's like okay i was like wait a minute you grew up in providence rhode island theater kids were the bullies bro they were what photo negative childhood did you grow up in i swear to god like like we would like trying to smother me with joseph and his amazing technicolor Dreamcoat. He choked me out.

It was, they were all, like, they were the only club that I can remember in high school where it was, like, there was no mixing. Like, there was no. It was just them. It was just them all the time. And you, like, you'd walk by their table and lunch and they'd snicker at you. And you'd be like, fuck off, Zach. And Zach got arrested arrested through Napster.

One of the few, they made an example, one of the very few people in Napster in pirating music, they got him. And we were like, fuck yes, the Batman's gone. I was just having, not like one of the developers. No, no, no, no, no. Just like, I think the American. Oh, just, no, no, no. I think the American... Oh, just having like, oh, you have stolen music on your computer? Yeah. What did he get for it?

I honestly don't remember because it was actually, it wasn't, it was his freshman year of college that happened. But it was significant. I don't think it was jail time, but I think it was significant money. Really? Like hundreds of thousands. I forgot about all that. Dude, Napster was the best.

It was the best, not for the musical industry, but like, I mean, as a kid where it was like weird remixes and songs you could never find and all that shit. Oh, yeah. It was LimeWire's when I got it. Then you got into porn. It was great. I mean, it was just amazing. Porn was such a Russian roulette of like...

You never know what you're going to get. Well, now I have to burn my computer. Yeah, well, also it was like, I remember, you know, like going to school in the morning, setting a download. It'll be like, it'll be done at night. It'll take 12 hours. And then you press play and it's like, you know, some troll fucked with you and it's like not what you thought it was going to be.

And it's like a, like they're laughing at you in the video and you're like, foil the game. It's not Tara Patrick. Fuck. I remember. What an era appropriate name to use yeah i remember buying like a dad like move to la 2003 got a desktop computer i'm gonna use this to write i'm gonna write scripts and i'm gonna write jokes and all this what's this line where thing and like within two weeks this thing just wouldn't start it's literally it's it's it's hundreds of dollars if not thousands it's

it's a big monitor it's a a fan running it's this whole setup it's just a porn machine it's just a big old porn machine that you ruin immediately porn and like well let me see if this band's on here and it would it would just be something like yep oh here's just but cambodian children no but when you did find the album you wanted or the you know the the the blended song the remake the remix to this to that and the porn you wanted it was it was a beautiful time it's a beautiful time yeah the only reason i know what the word cute means yeah yeah bro Bro, I became an expert. I was like, do you have 28.8 or 56K? Do you have a T1 or a T3?

It would be amazing. I'll settle for a DSL. I still want to touch back in this world where the theater kids were the bullies. I am fascinated with that upbringing because that was not the case in mine or I think any other high school in the country at the time. I went to a public school my freshman year. And I can – The gang would snap coming at you down the hallway and you'd get scared.

At public school, it was definitely the jocks or the bullies. And then I went to boarding school and, like, again, they weren't, like, outwardly mean. It wasn't like anyone was scared of them. Well, they're catty. Well, they can't be, right? They were small, right? They were the only clique that like stayed as a clique everyone else because it's like was anybody beating anybody up no no no like everyone everyone was friends with 300 kids in school like yeah i guess when you have a smaller yeah you know i i didn't i went to a regular

public school but it was small it was like probably 450 total kids okay and so like everybody was pretty nice to each other and there was like cool kids and not cool kids but there was not like watch out for that dude he's gonna like throw you into a locker and like you know fucking beat you up i think when you get into like a bigger school where there's just more assholes and more yeah more everybody yeah that was a bigger pool is gonna have a bigger chance for that kind of shit to happen. Yeah. I mean, that's a joke. I was like, yeah, I'm short, weak, and uncoordinated. So I don't care about sports because sports don't care about me.

I was also small. I was a smart ass and I was small. So beating me up was still going to make somebody look stupid. So if I could say something that wasn't just mean but funny enough to make enough people laugh where this guy has to be like alright It was this It's a defense mechanism You know what that is?

It's like camouflage in nature You found a way I just made myself valuable The girls are laughing I beat them up, the girls won't like me So I'm like alright, here's my in There you go, it's true though So that really was i still got a couple like

close calls i never like got this shit kicked out of me but i had a couple like you know like the gorilla dragging the photographer into the woods just to let him know just to let him know i could if i wanted to i got a couple of those shoulder checks like nah a little too funny today okay okay alright okay don't it down that's great

yeah I mean I feel like we've talked to so many comics now and I feel like a lot of times when you ask them like where why'd you start

or when did you start it's like I was watching you know Carlin with my dad or whatever yours is a more practical like

yeah as in gym class which is just the gen pop of high school. We're like, well, I just left ceramics, but I guess now I got to go wrestle. Better find my group and we'll stick tight. Get tatted up. Get inked up.

So, yeah, it came from like – and all my friends are really funny. It's like – I'm from outside chicago it's like it's a midwest thing that like if if you're gonna bitch about something you better be funny like life's not great yeah everybody knows it so if you're gonna complain it should be entertaining to everybody don't be whiny yeah so like like my like my friend bob had a bad day everybody was excited because it was gonna be the best night and then you'd laugh with him, and then he'd feel better about his bad day. But he'd bitch about it in such a like – That's living, brother.

That's great, man. That's living. So-and-so is getting a divorce. This is going to be hilarious. Let's get some beers over there. Isn't that the worst of when you have a friend who doesn't take – Take it in stride. Take the negative –

Yeah. It's like who doesn't see – Who doesn't have something negative happen to them and the negative like that way like it's like who doesn't see who doesn't have something negative happen to them and be like well I can make this funny

where it's just like those would be down in the dumps where it's like I got fired today yeah well okay let's try to

let's at least laugh about the one we know that sucks yeah entertain me a little differently now but it's not even like they're entertaining

it's like they're gonna process in a way that like they're not trying to make you laugh it's like yeah things suck and like let me talk about how ridiculous in a way that like they're not trying to make you laugh. It's like, yeah, things suck. And like, let me talk about how ridiculous it is.

Like, we're not talking about like massive tragedy. But like Bob got fired. Like he got a job at the arcade in the mall. He's like, well, they said it wasn't a uniform, but they gave me like the red vest is too small. I can't fucking button a vest. I can't be in uniform if you don't have extra large vests. So fuck you guys for firing me. I'm like, you got fired from the arcade?

And he's like, yeah, it's stupid. I'm like, let's go to your fucking football machines. You can't laugh about that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, as doing podcasting, I'm almost, like, pumped when bad shit happens. Like, pfft. Yeah, I don't. Episode's done for the week, you know?

Yeah, I don't want to root for, for, I don't want to be those guys that needs misery to have a personality. But it makes it easy. It is going to happen. So to have the tools to deal with it and process it so it's entertaining for others.

I don't even know if the Blackhawks right now where it's like, I don't want to lose but when I lose it makes it easy. It helps out. It's like the big Cubs thing. It's like, oh now't want to lose, but when I lose, it makes it easy. It helps out. It helps out. It was like the big Cubs thing. It's like, oh, now they're not underdogs.

Now you can't be like, we'll get them next year. It's like, oh, no, there's a win. Now the fun of all community sorrow isn't there. Yeah. I don't know if it's processing it. I think it's kind of the opposite of processing it. We just laugh about it and don't process it. Oh, yeah, but never sort it out.

It keeps you up at night. There's nobody around to laugh at it, so you're just awake. Yeah, that happens, too. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. I don't know if that's the Irish or the... It hurts when nobody's laughing.

The Irish, the Catholic. There's a lot of boxes being checked for that. Are we the same people? Yeah, for real. I see that name Kyle Kilmain. I'm like, yeah, it checks out. We're going to get along just fine. I also don't get how people are not that way.

I don't know, the Italians and all their emotions and all their talking. It's like, just be quiet. Just push your emotions aside like like real adults you know but see i have that mix too where i do like emote everything well yeah but you don't again you do it in a way that's not whiny or burdensome you just make people laugh my girlfriend doesn't understand the catholic guilt thing she's like but you're not catholic anymore but it's not it's not it's a cultural right it's not. Yeah, I don't care.

It's just embedded in me. Yeah, yeah. It's not like I'm actually thinking about Catholicism and all that. It's just who it is. Yeah, no, it's the rust proofing they put on the car that prevents me from enjoying anything fully. Like, that's there. That's not going away. I didn't ask for it, but now it's in there.

And yeah, everything that is, oh Oh God, that probably upset a God I don't believe in anymore. I yelled out the window the other day driving by the church. I yelled, you're in a cult. Did you really? Awesome. Why? I was like... Because it's true.

It is true. It feels good. I couldn't believe it, bro. I mean, it wasn't like a... You just did a drive-by yelling at a church? I did a drive-by yelling. It feels good. I couldn't believe it, bro. I mean, it wasn't like a – You just did a drive-by yelling at a church? I did a drive-by yelling. It was – People in the car? Was it – Yeah, no.

But yeah, it was – Was it to entertain people? Yeah. Okay. Okay. It was to entertain, but it was more like the window was down. It was just like an opportunity presented itself. I wasn't like, I'm going to drive over, put the window down.

It was just like we were doing it. This is the most angsty teenager thing I've ever heard. It wasn't like a hate crime. It's exactly that. It was like I just saw this family like all – it was like a family too. It was like kids and a mom and dad. I just saw some kids I wanted to ruin. They were so dressed up, and they were all coming out of church,

and I was like, you're in a cult. And I was like, what the fuck was that? But I did it. Cults are just religions on indie labels. They're just not there yet. If you just started a religion like, well, this bread is the body of Christ. This alcohol we're going to give to your children is the blood of Christ. Get the fuck out of here.

It's all so nuts. I think that's what it is. I have kids, and they're in Catholic school. And so, like, I'm kind of hearing a lot of that. Well, yeah, that's the other thing. I'm screaming at the church, but I'm, like, paying tuition to the fucking system. I pay for this right. Yeah, that's kind of how I think of it.

I got, yeah, we went on vacation. We went to Rome, went to the vatican and it you know it's it's beautiful it's still the construction of churches and cathedrals are just it's amazing architecture and just the things done sure there's heinous things done in the name of uh worship there's also these beautiful things that are done and we're there and it's it's just all gold and it's ornate and you could tell it's just such an expensive building. But each little station in St. Basilica still is like a tithing station. Yeah, pay – yeah, give me money here. And the first – and it's everybody's hushed tones.

The first one I saw, like, if you'd like to give some money, I just went, fuck you. And I started, I'm like, ooh, what? I'm like, no. Yeah, fuck this. Absolutely not. Yeah. This money belongs to the kids that you touched. Seriously.

So, no. Fuck off. For real. 100%. When I went to – I went to the Vatican as well,. So, no. Fuck off. 100%. When I went to the Vatican as well, and I actually really liked it, but going in, I was

legitimately kind of scared like I was going to walk into the Sistine Chapel and feel God. And I was like, fuck, what if I walk in this door and walk out a whole new person? Really? Luckily, I didn't feel it at all. I think you came door and walk out a whole new person really luckily I didn't feel it at all

I think you came back and you were like Sistine Chapel no big deal no I liked I liked the Vatican a lot but yes Sistine Chapel

you were like I don't get the hype well when when you find out that it was Leonardo da Vinci right did we get that right

yeah no Michelangelo was it I think it was Michelangelo yes Michelangelo yes alright you agree with me first was Michelangelo. Yes, Michelangelo. All right, you agree with me first. I did. You're the only one correct here.

But then you find out he started painting the figures real small on one end, and then they're real big at the other end because he's like, I've got to wrap this shit up. I've got to stretch out. I've got to start filling some space. That's like double spaces on your paper in school. This whole testament to the Lord and Savior is like, we can make a little bigger.

Stretch it out. That is funny to be like, all right, I've been here for a week, and I'm like 180th done. All right, we got to speed this along here. Why did I choose mosaic? It's so small. I liked when I went to the Vatican, and it was kind of like they were teaching us about how, like, Michelangelo was really sought after by the Pope and by the cardinals and stuff like that.

And then, like, basically whenever they gave him any kind of command, he'd be like, no, I'm not doing that. Yeah. And I thought that was kind of cool how, like, even back then, like, you had your politicians, but, like, culture was still kind of set by the artists. Yeah. That's why they're the bullies at your school, bro. You're mean to your kids.

But he painted the wall behind the Sistine Chapel, not the ceiling, and he made everyone naked. And the Pope was like, like you gotta cover that up and one of the cardinals was like you gotta fucking put clothes on all of them yeah and he was like oh word word okay i'll fix that and then he he went in and he took the cardinal's face and he painted out on the devil and he went i'm all done and he didn't cover anything up and they were just like well there's nothing we can do. They just waited until he died. Now they have little flowing things over them.

But they had to wait until he died because he was like, don't touch it. Art's pretty cool sometimes. Yep. Yep. Yep. I remember I was at some, I forget what museum. I'm not entrenched in art. I couldn't remember who painted Sissy Chapel. But there was some photo series of this guy making this giant,

ornate wood sculpture, like bent, like steamed and pressed wood that's a curvature, and it's like two stories tall, and it's like little Polaroids of it. And then the Polaroids show him pulling it all apart. He's like, nobody's ever seen this sculpture. I only have photos of it. I'm like, you son of a bitch. I'm like, oh, man, that's awesome.

You are crazy. that's truly crazy like this this took me two years of my life and nobody saw it i'm like this rules bro when i saw i saw the total opposite of that last night this guy his art was um it's this giant oh is it it is going to be some New York story about a guy shitting into a construction cone or something. This is it. It's a giant mud wheel. And he just stands there and puts his face against it. And this sold. I don't even know what that means.

For $8 million. It means he tricked somebody yeah well i i or some you know rich person is evading taxes and like they tricked that is the big thing he thinks it's he thinks it's so you know oh my god i can't believe i sold this for eight million dollars meanwhile it's some wall street guy going get the guy with the mud and fucking hide the millions of dollars there i mean what, what the fuck is it? What is this? It's how everybody says, well, I could have done that.

Yeah, but they did it first. Right, right, right. Rotating mud is his latest creation and is a reflection on the transient nature of existence and the ever-changing landscape of the human experience. Through the constant motion of the mud, the artwork embodies the passions of time, the fluidity of identity,

and the cyclical nature of life. Shut up. I mean, you can get that same feeling from watching a Euros. Come on. I was watching Schwerma, and I got that same vibe off of it. But that's what I think. I bet the artist, like, nobody says you can't laugh at a museum. Yeah.

But instead of thinking it like oh it's pretentious what if the like i always think that sometimes the artist is hanging out in there too and watching people missing like trying to put more on the art and they're like we got another one they're losing their mind right what did this color represent or what did this thing it's like i don't know i just fucking picked it up like that oh it represents that I think you're suckers you proved me right so so you start

you start cracking jokes to for like self-preservation yeah and then did you did you realize you were good at it

and like let me turn this into something or how do you actually end up being in the comedy world I think it was a lot of lack of other options going on it's like well respect that too let's go well, let's go with our strongest qualities are,

oh, some kids are good at math. I don't know, man. It's making people laugh. I thought, I was like, I'll be a writer. I'll go into writing. I'm like, I never read. I wasn't sitting there just devouring books. Hard to be a writer if you don't read.

You're a very good writer. What have I written? I've read your foreword for Running Light. Yeah, you guys had old Sammy T on there. Man, that book pissed me off. That's what I said in the title. That book's so good. I'm like, you motherfucker. You've just been this doofus

that's hanging out with us being funny, but then you wrote this beautiful novel. He's really a talented guy. How dare you, Sam Townsend. I like that. I think in the board you had something like someone who sleeps in bed next to me or in a bed next to me has no business writing this book.

Yeah, yeah. It's at the same time we're on the road, sharing hotel rooms and stuff. We're like, what? I wrote the back of a pickup truck to watch you go slow dance to some bluegrass band and terrify the residents of columbia columbia missouri one night and now this is the manuscript you hand me you we walked into this by both truck he looked like a trained

bear and i was i was the handler because people were like traditional like like do-si-do wear and he's in his like athletic shorts yeah looking just like the largest guy in a straight edge band and he's twirling ladies ever so delicately i'm holding his backpack all these guys in like nudie suits are looking at me like the fuck he's fine don't shout around him he's fine and he's just twirling young ladies backpack full of snacks i'll get him out of here if you need me to but otherwise he's real gentle he's real gentle with the ladies yeah you two are like of mice and men walking around and he hands me that book i'm like all right who really wrote this

i i was telling him that after i read it i uh i recommended it to my aunt and i'm like all right who really wrote this i i was telling him that after i read it i uh i recommended it to my aunt and i just like it was one of those things where i just like i read it and i was like i really enjoyed this my aunt we talk about books sometimes like i'll recommend it to her and just didn't even think about the content of it at all and she's like she's like a little blue for me yeah oh, I forgot about that. The entire book. Blue, but still so beautifully written. Yeah. I mean, he's got away with words.

Well, and that's the thing. You could do any kind of comedy. You could do the filthiest comedy if you just want to crack open a thesaurus and dainty it up a little bit. You've heard that joke a thousand times, but not that way. Right, right, right. But yeah, so I went to college for writing and then I'm like, oh, I'm just writing stand-up bits that I'm now bringing to my literary 201 class, which in college is every 20-year-old trying to be an adult and trying to be the most serious version of themselves and like here's the goth kid that's transitioning into probably trying heroin

and here's new lesbians and here's everybody and I'm like man I went to this party and Tony took his dick out but it was like really funny though like it wasn't creepy I'm like oh yeah this is not for me and then I met a guy there I wound up doing one comedy

show and I didn't know how to start comedy this is not for me. And then I met a guy there. I wound up doing one comedy show, and I didn't know how to start comedy. And I had seen him at this open mic. He's like, oh, yeah, there's open mics all over the city. This is the column in the Chicago Reader. You read this, come sign up. And so I started doing that. So you worked, like, the Chicago Circuit coming up? Yeah, that's where I started, yeah.

Is that a, I feel like it's like New York and L.A., but I feel like Chicago is a good kind of under-the-radar comedy city there. I mean, it's not – I mean, you had Second City. You had all that kind of like institutionalized stuff. So I was from there, but you had a lot of people that were moving there because they wanted Second City and Improv Olympic and all these legendary spots, and then they kind of – it's a little bit of a pyramid scheme kind of thing.

Like, well, $400 more and you'll get even closer to SNL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so people got jaded with that and they wound up finding the stand-up scene. And the stand-up scene was made up of so many different, like nobody was going to be famous, so it was very pure in that sense. Like nobody was going to get famous doing stand-up in Chicago. You were just doing it because you were out of options, and you just wanted to have some form of self-expression.

There is something cool about that, yeah. It was very pure. It's not a stepping stone. It's not a means to an end. It's just this is it. Life's probably not going to go anywhere, so let me have – The third most depressing thing I've heard on the podcast today. It is, but the origin story of all it it, it is stand-up in itself.

Now it's a different animal. I hate to be like, now with the old internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But now you can be wherever you're from and garner a following. In a way, it's similar to that artist you just talked about. Yeah. Working on a sculpture that nobody saw.

You might have this set that kills, but you're just doing it in front of 50 people, and now it's a totally different thing. But at one point, it really was. I just like doing it. I'm about to say the name of the whole network, like Barstool Sports. It was pub sports.

It was like, oh, this guy's really good at pool. But great. You're the king of Tuesday night. Maybe one guy out of ten cities in an area is good enough at pool that he gets to some kind of contest. And maybe that contest is now in the tournament in Vegas once every five years and they get a spot on TV when there's a rain delay they're in frisbee golf so that was all the yeah that was all the expectations of it you just wanted to be good

because you wanted to impress the other people that were also good but it had so many weirdos that like there was this big kind of poetry spoken word scene in chicago but they took themselves very seriously because i thought maybe i'd check that out. I'm like, these guys aren't any fun. And nothing has happened to me sad enough to make me a poet. So the ones that were too silly for that found stand-up. So then they were mixing in. And then you had just fun dudes in bands that were like, oh, man, nobody lets me talk between songs. And they're more boisterous.

And so then they'd wind up there. And there was this really great mix of unlikely dudes hanging out did you stay in chicago the whole time did you ever do no i was there for four years i'm from there but so i i performed there for four years 99 2003 i moved to la oh yeah there till 2020 i moved to portland so oh wow yeah shit do you like la i feel like you're not an L.A. guy. I do. I do like it. Everything you just described is not really an L.A. guy.

No, it's – I mean, I got to give it some respect. It gave me the career. I moved there to be a stand-up. I moved there to get credits to go do stand-up. I didn't go there to try and find something else. The other things were only like, oh, cool, now I can do more stand-up. And you didn't consider New York? Man, when I was like 21 and coming out here,

I loved it. But I knew if I was going to move... That all sounds real sad. If I was going to move to do something stupid like pursue stand-up comedy, at 26 is when I left. If I'm going to go and fuck up my life, I'm going to do it where I'm also

not seasonally depressed. Fair point. Probably be actually depressed. Regular depressed, yeah. It's hard to be sad at the beach, man. You look like a loser crying under palm trees. And also, when I moved there, I'm like, oh, that city saved my life because the bars

closed at 2. You couldn't smoke inside. And I hated it when I moved there. New York, go home. You don't ever have to go home. Smoke all the cigarettes you can smoke. I would have been dead in four years. I'm thinking if I moved here. That is true.

And then you linked up with our boy Shane, huh? Who, Shane? Shane Torres. Shane Torres? I knew Shane when I started going to Portland, and Shane was there. And Shane was always the scariest. Shane's obviously a sweetheart, and he was the scariest looking dude. He does look scary.

Because he's got those icy blue eyes. He had the long hair, and he'd be in the green room. Looks like a guy who you don't want to fuck with, and then he's, you know. And he's still a guy you don't want to fuck with. He's still like secretly a boxer. But he'll also, you know, talk to you. But you know, you can tickle him in defense. But yeah, so I started meeting him through there,

and then we hit it off. I started falling in love with Portland, just going there, doing shows, and all the comics out of that scene. Matt Bronger is a guy. I met him in Chicago. He's originally from Portland, but he's got Ian Carmel and Sean Jordan and Shane Torres.

All these guys that had these Portland roots. And so, yeah, old Sugar Shane. Old sweetie Sugar Shane. We went to Amsterdam with him. Oh, really? Bert Kreischer, when he was on tour, flew us out. Oh, he did the European. Yeah.

How was that? It was something. mean shane was shane can go man he can we were there for a couple nights and and uh um you know i'm well past my partying prime so i was like nervous to go out there and really you know tear it up with those guys and i mean shane would be one more one more one more, one more. I was like, I can't go to bed. Do you have the ability in you now to go like, all right, we've reached terminal velocity of how much fun and drinks we're going to have. Can you recognize the precipice of like, bad things will happen right now. And I don't want those stories anymore.

That's what I was trying to do. And Shane was like, another one, another one. I was like, we don't need anymore. We've been out here for 15 hours. We started at 11 a.m. Don't drag me down with you, you goddamn anchor. No,

I very much, I think I maybe even started to see that early. I don't know. You know, I just started drinking and going to bars and partying and stuff when we were pretty young

and like 15, 16 years old and then did it for a long time and by the time i was like 30 i was like i've done i don't know we've done all this shit but nothing crazy it's like i'm some rock star it was like you know mainlining jack daniels or something but it was just like i don't know we have been in a million bars like this and had a million beers like this and i know how this ends. It's kind of refreshing to go like, I think I got as much as I can out of that. I squeezed all the juice

out of it. You know what's fucking crazy? A great night's sleep. When's the last time you had one of those, dude? When's the last time you crushed eight hours? We did the show before you came in today and I was like,

last night I slept with mouth tape on, breathed through my nose the whole night. I was like, it was the greatest night of my life. Alright, this is the second time somebody brought up mouth tape. If you haven't tried it, brother. Do you have trouble sleeping? If you cover your mouth and you breathe through your nose,

you will experience... But the reason I can't, I'm like... this is like, this is 100% for me. That's the best I got. You tape up your mouth, you might die. This rush hour in your tunnel here is the best option I got. Tape up my mouth, it's like he wanted to die. This is the weirdest suicide we've ever seen. When that came about, I remember thinking there probably are a lot of people out there who should not do this.

But if you can do it, it'll change your life. If you can't do it, it'll end your life. Yeah, this looks like some sort of Heaven's Gate protest. Like, you passed away with tape over with no hate written on my cheek or something. He never even talked about that when he was alive. But man, standing for something when it's passing. What's the name of the podcast

no no accounting for taste yeah it feels like you're kind of picking like individual things

like the I was listening to the parody music episode and the Star Trek episode is it is that the idea

behind it or yeah it was just we were talking about like how much like so much comedy comes from like, hey, you ever see this thing? It's stupid.

Look at that. And it's like that's such the easy route. Again, I'm talking about complaining about something. Complaining is like a very easy way to channel frustration. So it's a universal language, brother. And it is. But it's also kind of exhausting, especially if you don't have somebody that you know to keep the comedy in it. It's just like, this sucks, that sucks, that slams.

Well, you're great to hang out with. Never call me again. We're like, oh, it would be a lot harder to take these things and really force ourselves, like, hold on. Let's see if we could celebrate them, because that's been one of my writing exercises with stand-ups. If my reaction to something is immediately, that's dumb. I'm like, well, why?

Interesting. Is it dumb because it's dumb? Is it dumb because I don't understand it? Because you don't like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what if I took the time to understand it? Oh, maybe now I've got to change my view. Oh, this is tough.

But I like that that's a growth aspect. And so we've had, there's been a couple we've been stumped on. We're like, no, this is entirely dog shit. Well, then you know. Yeah.

You know, you check the box. Like I fucking try. It's not for me. See you later. What do you think is the worst? We try to do the Kardashians. And it was,

it was going to be such an easy thing, but like, no, there's gotta be something in there. Like, well, Kim Kardashian got like that one lady pardoned or something. Yeah. Like, well, Kim Kardashian got that one lady parned or something once.

I don't know if that makes up for everything else. I'm sure that one lady would probably say, like, these are angels that walk the earth. These are just fake-ass angels that roam amongst us. But everything else is like, oh, you're just a capitalism bulldozer that's whored out every sense of being a human being for profit by your own mother. Like, this is medieval-y.

Like, oh, your own mom was like, no, release the porn. Like, Jesus Christ. That is one that, like, there was a time where I would get, like, actually angry, where I was like, like. And then I kind of went through actually angry. Where I was like, fuck you. And then I kind of went through a similar thing where I was like, there's got to be something I'm missing. And I didn't make it a commercial break.

I was like, this is insufferable. But I don't really like reality TV. That's not really my thing. I mean, so many people do. That's what's crazy. I think the norm would be. Because something isn't your thing doesn't mean it's bad. Right.

Or because it's bad. Or not popular because it's bad. We're not popular. You know what I mean? Because it can be objectively like crappy. Yeah. But a lot of fucking people like crappy shit, you know? Man, I had to level it out. I had an old roommate who was like a real movie snob. He would watch like Barry Lyndon like every week, which is like a three-hour Stanley crew.

I couldn't watch it. He'd watch it every week, which is like a three-hour Stanley crew. I couldn't watch it. He'd watch it every week, and he'd get furious that like, oh, man, I can't believe Transformers is number one at the box office. This shows that people are stupid because Transformers is number one at the box office. I'm like, you eat Carl's Jr. three times a week. I bet there's a chef out there right now going like, that's why people are stupid because you can get healthy food for this. It's like, oh, it's all perspective.

It's what are you using that for? I don't know. If you're looking at reality TV and going, one day I'll be like that, then that's an illness. But if you're like, this is noise that makes me worry about my problems less. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Then all right. It's weird that you've made billionaires out of these apparitions.

Yeah, they turn into people like worship them. That's a little weird. Yeah, I don't know how you spend that money when you're just a ghoul. But apparently it's distracted a lot of people from their real issues, and so maybe that is worth the price that they've been paid. Well, in the eye of the beholder, right? Yeah. I'm going to preface this by saying i'm 90 sure it was you

but i saw an instagram reel once and i believe it was you who you were talking about how like every comedian who is high and mighty should shut up because they're not the funniest of their friend groups yeah i thought that was like the smartest coolest like thing ever where it was like like you're right like we always thought that like i smartest, coolest thing ever. Where it was like, you're right. We always thought that. I am far from, and this won't be a surprise to you, but far from the funny person in my friend group. Oh, yeah.

I'm a total fraud. No, but you're just the one that's willing to do it for a living or put the time in or whatever. You know what I mean? How am I? Am I the one that believed in myself? That can't be right. That can't be it. There's not a chance that that's true.

Yeah. That's a sorry state of affairs for my friends, then. You got a doctorate degree. You're funnier than me. I'm the one who went for it? Come on. Yeah. I mean, I have friends I tell all the time that when when we when we

started to get momentum here i remember telling a couple of my friends like i don't know i can't get you a job but like give it a shot yeah do what you do and do your thing and and they never did it and now they're always like i'm funny in this person i'm funny in that person i'm like you are you are but they do it they're the ones that did it it's back to the art thing yeah but they did it right yeah i could do that but you didn't right it's it's and there's something to be said for like being funny but like being able to do do funny you know what i mean like it's a skill it's a skill to be able to translate it from your friends into strangers yeah right right it is this weird mix of believing in yourself enough that like oh i have to like i have to get strangers to like me i don't

like strangers but i need them to like me I have to get strangers to like me. I don't like strangers, but I need them to like me. And like there is, you know, other components at work. But as far as the initial hanging out, being at a party, like I look back, I still cringe at all the days, the times where I really thought

that I was going to be a comedian, I thought I was the funniest. I was just the loudest. I was the drunkest and the loudest. Yep, yep. Like, oh, they're all paying attention to me. Yeah, you're not giving them another choice. You're screaming at this part.

You are a drunk, screaming man. There's no option. They're laughing at you, not with you, and they're thinking if they do that, you'll stop at some point. And, too bad, you're feeding the geese. Now I'm off stage, and I'm like,

I just want to like, okay, oh, thank you very much. That was an hour of your time you gave me. I don Now I'm going to go back. Like, now I'm off stage, and I'm like, I just want to like, okay. Oh, thank you very much. That was an hour of your time you gave me. I don't want to be funny at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you tell me stories. Now I'd like to hear your stories. Dude, well, I mean, it's a little more talking with us, like not just being funny because we talk so much.

I go home, and I'm like silent. I'm like, I don't want to talk. The phone rings. I'm like, I'll talk to my mom. But like anybody else, I'm like, I don't know,'t know text me i'll talk later i just talk for 12 hours i mean hasn't that hasn't the prevalence of podcast been like oh well these are the four funny dudes hanging out and now it's now it's public now you've turned it into the same thing oh the same thing as stand-up is like oh podcasts are like i feel like i'm hanging out with my friends yep but they're

funnier than my friends like okay sorry you don't have friends that buy i'm lucky that my friends are all really hilarious yeah i was gonna say it's like uh if this is special to you yeah that sucks because this is like this is every conversation i've ever had that's why i mean it comes easy because it's like i don't know i've done this off a mic a thousand times. I can do it on a mic a thousand times too because we're just – Does the parasocial relationship thing ever bother you guys? Like I would get that where I'm like, I realize like I had another podcast called The Boogie Monster. It was just me and my buddy for six years just kicking it. We kind of had a theme at first.

But then you meet people and you forget that. They're listening to you every week and you're – now, I got too comfortable. I was too comfortable talking about my personal life. Oh, yeah. And I and you forget that. They're listening to you every week. Now, I got too comfortable. I was too comfortable talking about my personal life. Oh, yeah. And I didn't like that because then you'd see somebody on the street. They'd be like, hey, how's so-and-so? They know all your business. I'm like, yeah.

Oh, I offered that up, but now I'm creeped out because that information has been retained by strangers. Yeah. I look at it both ways i've seen it there are times where i say like you know we have given like 99 percent yeah of all of our information out there can we have the one percent you know yeah but then i also understand people being like you give us everything like you know why why would that be all of a sudden we draw the line here you know so i can understand shows that i listen to where i'm like oh if i saw him live i'd be just go, hey, man, remember that time? Totally. I'd become that Punisher fan. And I've seen it with musicians more, you know,

where they're called Punishers. It's like people, you've done music to connect to people, and then you have, but you've got people that are on the outskirts. I think it's awesome when, like, the stand-up people are like, that got me through a real tough time. Like, you don't realize that just doing the shit you were going to do anyway got somebody who was just sitting there shit you were going to do anyway, got somebody who was just sitting there feeling real

alone, like, oh, somebody said something similar. But now I'm a weirdo. Now I don't know how to hang out. I guess, yeah, shit, man, make some friends, dude. Yeah, that is the... It's always the best thing to hear

at the show, where it like exactly what you're saying. Where it's like, yeah, you got me through tough times. And then, but there's also part of me where I'm like, fuck. Am I responsible for you forever now? Did I say my address? I did get one piece of mail sent to me once and it was like, there's no way anybody should have known where I live right now. And it was somebody like, it was a picture of me like, could you sign this and send it back to me?

Like, no. Like, I got so uncomfortable with that. I think that started like, that was one of the starts. And I'm not like famous by any means. But just even that little inkling, I wonder how people manage it. That are so prevalent and so out there with not even actors, but like their personal life is their success. Right. That's – I would have a very difficult time.

If you're going to go full Kardashian and market every waking moment. If there's a billion dollars attached to it, I might give it a whirl. I'll give it a try. I had a friend once mail me – I forget exactly what it was. It was a toothbrush shaped like a dick. It was something phallic or whatever. And like I've had someone like find my address and like do all that shit. And so like I was just like I'll throw it away right away and I'll never mention this to anybody and maybe this will stop and like three months

later my friends like yo do you ever get that cock toothbrush like dude that was you I've been scared for three fucking months about who has my goddamn address I did that years and years ago. I was on the road. I was newly single. And I met a gal after a show. And she texted me. She's like, come over and stuff. I'm like, oh, I wasn't ready that night. But the next night I was out and I got a voicemail,

like a dirty voicemail from, I'm like, oh, okay. Like, all right. And I started texting dirty things back to that girl. And I'm like, she already left me a dirty voicemail. And then I texted something, but I didn't hear anything. I'm like, all right, I guess nothing there. And then the day after, my buddy Paulie's like, hey, man, did you get that voicemail?

I was in a limo with these girls. I knew you were in town, so I didn't give you a call. I'm like, I just sent an absolute filth to a woman who the night before was like, maybe we could hang out sometime. Like, I'm going to bleh, bleh, bleh. I'm like, oh, god damn it. I'm never going to do anything ever again. I was going to say, I would never leave the house again.

Yeah, I was just like, you did what? I was like, yeah, I was on a limo with some playmates. I had this weird gig in Tampa. I saw you here. I figured we'd give you a call. What? I think I committed a crime. I had a girl in high school once ask to borrow my phone.

She went to the bathroom. Never. Came back, and she had, I didn't realize it until later when I got a phone call, she had recorded my ringtone to her just moaning. So, like, when I got a call later, it was just like, ah, ah. That's a pretty cool move. I think I like her. Yeah, well.

I think I would have left that. That's a good joke. I'd be like, yo, call me later. I'll be alone. I had that for quite a while. Because she was, like, a senior. I was, like have left that. That's a good joke. I'd be like, yo, call me later. I'll be alone. I had that for quite a while. Because she was like a senior. I was like a sophomore. And I remember I was like, I'm going to change my ringtone,

but I'm not going to get rid of it. I'm not doing that. That's staying on my vote. You start just trying to flip the other way. Here's what it sounds like when she has sex. I got it, guys. Flipping it back on you. No, when she's fucking the other seniors,

this is what it sounds like. I am so glad i didn't have a phone in high school oh my god the this the fact that technology to be act to access it as a like a 14 year old what dude you know what i did with it i actually i remember sending my first ever dick pic oh my god my God. I had a Kyocera. It was like a rotating. It rotated instead of slid. And I remember I sent. It's definitely child porn. I sent it to a girl my age, but I was definitely like 15.

Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Who amongst us hasn't engaged in child porn? Me. I burnt that computer that I had. Whatever it was. LimeWire on, so yeah.

But what was I going to say? But what I ended up doing with it? What you were saying is you sent your 15-year-old penis around. Let me remind you. No hair on it, no nothing. Oh, stop describing it that audio's already made it into servers that are on a boat somewhere out in south america the um i just put it in a microwave that would be bro what are you jasonne After you get an encrypted message

This was self-destruct in 10 seconds Every 20 minutes in the wire You just get a crack in the hand I need a new one I need a new burner It wasn't because of that But it was like It was probably around the same time

I was just like What do you think happens If you put a phone in the microwave And everyone's like I don't know let's find out And I just put it in there Put it on for like one second A blue bolt of lightning hit it And I was like we're done i'm no longer a felon

i don't gotta go on a list now awesome till i get my next phone and make the same mistake my horny teenage now i got a motorola razor this is clearer what do you mean, the cloud? Oh, no. All right, brother. Well, we appreciate coming through. You got the podcast with Shane. You got dates coming up. You got a new special that just came out today called Dirt Nap. It's on 800-pound Gorilla Media. Yeah, I saw that.

So that's my new offering in the world. That's my new cup of water I'm throwing in the volcano. I'm stand-up comedy right now. Bro, it is. Now's the time, right? No, I'm proud of it, and that's out there. I do no accounting for taste with Shane. I just do stand-up. Amen.

That's what I do. I'm out. If I'm not in your city this year, give me next year. I'll get there. Cool. All right, so go check it out. 800-pound gorilla has the video? Yeah, 800-pound gorilla media is where it's at.

And it'll be for free on YouTube. It's $10 now, free on YouTube in a month. Beautiful. If you like commercials and saving $10, you see it on YouTube. Not how I intended it to be viewed. All right, dude. Appreciate it, man. Thanks so much, Kyle.

I appreciate it. be viewed. All right, dude. Appreciate it, man. Thanks so much, guys. I appreciate it. It was fun. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.