KFC Radio - The Philly Show, Thermostat Wars, and Cheeto Santino

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

Fresh off the Live show at Punchline, John and Kevin recap the trip to Philadelphia. John almost got robbed, John did get fingered, and pepper thrown is his eyes. Filming Making a Gambler,  Marty needs to know about inventions. Voicemail: $1000 to nut, bad at geography, thermostat wars. Cheeto Santino stops by to chat about how Princess Diana was murdered, hot coal football fights, his podcast with Brendan Schaub and the Call Her Daddy girls, the Red Rocket Tour and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Okay. Ready? Yeah. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by SeatGeek. We just got back from our live show in Philly. If you want to go see us live, I'm sure there's tickets on the secondary market.

You want to get the best price available to see KFC Radio or see your favorite band or see your favorite team play or any sort of live event. What? Broadway show. Or a Broadway show. Speaking of, I'm hitting the Broadway show this weekend again. Did you get your tickets through SeatGeek? My mom got them. I don't know where she got them from.

Hopefully she went through SeatGeek, saved a little bit of money. Hopefully she used a book called KFC. Honestly, my mom is such a G. She doesn't do secondary. She's like, I am on the wait list for when Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill comes out. And so that's what we're going to see this weekend. I'm very excited for it. It's a great album.

Great album. I don't know what the play's about. And I don't know who plays it. Does Alanis Morissette play Alanis Morissette? Because if Alanis Morissette plays Alanis Morissette doing Jagged Little Pill, that's just a concert. Yeah, that's true. That actually, you almost wouldn't want that, right? Because then you're just going to a concert.

Do you think that Go Down On Her in a Theater is one of the most memorable, iconic lyrics of all time? I mean, when you think about the backstory, how people thought it was Uncle Joey or it was Uncle Joey and shit, there's some history to that one single line, you know? What song is it again? That's You Oughta Know? No. It's a whole curb episode I want ought to know. You ought to know? Yeah. Because I love So yeah, you want to go see that?

Go get your tickets through SeatGeek. Download the SeatGeek app. Use the promo code KFC. Get $10 off your first purchase. You get the best price available because it's full transparency. You also get a full guarantee

on all real tickets. No fraudulent nonsense. And it's right there easy on your phone with the app. SeatGeek promo code KFC. $10 off. Like I mentioned, we just got back from Philadelphia.

I'm tired of shit. I'm so tired. Great show. Thank you to Punchline. We had a great – that's an awesome venue. It was a really great venue. We're used to the New York comedy clubs, which are very small and kind of cramped up and intimate, which kind of has its appeal as well. But this place was like spread out. Everyone had their own tables. There was like VIP like little booths in the back.

I bet you somebody got fingered by you. I got fingered last night. Yeah, you did. Now here's the thing. Philly, great time. We loved you. Had a lot of fun. But boy, you loved up your reputation. Philly, it's not even the people. It's just the city as a whole.

There's certain people. The drug dealers. I took a cab last night. I usually take cabs. I'm not a huge Uber Lyft guy By the way, this is what you get You reap what you sow here If there's a cab stand, I just take a cab If I land in an airport and they have a cab stand, I take a cab

If I go to a hotel and they have a cab stand outside I take a cab So we were staying at the hotel, needed to take a cab to the venue I went outside Me and Marty. Get in the cab. Guy just hangs out. Doesn't move.

Asks where to go. I say, punchline Philly. He says, okay. Hang out there for about five more minutes. Cabbie from behind the stand honking the horn at him, honking the horn. He waves him forward. So for some reason, I thought the car was going to pull forward. Didn't.

Guy gets out of the car. Comes to my cabbie's window Hands him some cash Cabbie reaches over, not even trying to be The slightest bit discreet Hands him a bottle of pills Me and Marty in the backseat just staring at each other What the fuck was that

Then at my cabbie, he goes, where you going I said I already told you that And you already said okay It wasn't even like you didn't hear me You heard me, you acknowledged my answer he goes okay again and then he says how did i get there i think he'd tasted his i think he violated one of the 10 crack commandments i think he'd had a perk 30 or two in his own supply so i was like i don't know man like fucking put in your gps or something i you're the cabbie i'm not from i don't know you're

picking up at a hotel that This is not my apartment. He just starts driving, bangs through two red lights. Not even like a hit the gas, get through this yellow. Just red lights. Absolute red lights while he's staring at his phone trying to put in a thing. Eventually, pulls the chute on the whole operation and says, you guys gotta

do it. Marty just is Magellan in the backseat the whole time. Like, all right, 500 feet. You're going to take a left. Guy doesn't know what planet he's on, but he's taking directions from Marty. Somehow, by God's grace, we got to the fucking venue. But that was just step one. We were walking around Philly earlier in the day.

How about the three-card money table? I've never seen that. Just a straight up, a guy asked me to play three-card money. I mean, a cardboard box table and three cards, slightly bent. Hey, dumb body, you want to make some cash? Let's play a little game here. I'm like, are we filming a movie here? Are we extras on the film of a 1980s movie?

On quite a main street, too. Let's do some back alley game with three-card money. That was very funny. I kind of like that. This was like a philadelphia staple where it's like hey you know it's like right on chestnut liberty bell see independence hall yeah i want to play three card money with ricky over here it was like the main drag chestnut street just like yes and while we're walking down chestnut philadelphia and i talked to people about

this it is how they do it they just do red lights and green lights for passive for pedestrians for people walking like it's like we're walking down a one-way street and They just do red lights and green lights for pedestrians. For people walking. Like, we're walking down a one-way street and facing us are red lights and green lights. And I was so confused. Every single day. It didn't ever register. We were just like, wait, hang on. Is this for cars?

No, it's a one-way street, man. That's for the pedestrians. I mean, it's not like the red, the white hand and the red, the red hand and the walking man. It's red light, green light for the cars. Which is a universally accepted thing. Like, you don't have to speak english my kids know that internationally my my shea says the red hand and the white boy we actually we tried to get her to say the walking man because i thought it was weird she was running going the white boy the white boy just felt a little weird yeah and then i mean the homeless people it was that guy trying to steal your jacket at the end of the night homeless The homeless people. It's crazy because at night, because we went to a bar.

We went to McGillins or something like that. McGillins. McGillins. Great bar. Thank you. And you have to walk through. It was a blast. And you have to walk through an alley to get there.

And we're just walking. And we're walking on main streets and everything. There are probably an equal amount of homeless people in New York and Philadelphia. But there aren't regular people on the streets. The proportion is the problem. Per capita. It feels like you're just walking people on the streets. The proportion's the problem. Per capita. It feels like you're just walking through World War Z. It's The Walking Dead, yeah. It's just like, what?

Why are you? They're just people asleep horizontally across the sidewalk. Some guy came up to us and asked for money because he was about to shit his pants. I don't know. What, are you going to shove the fucking money up your ass? That was crazy. How is that going to help you? I'm sick.

I don't feel well. I'm about to shit myself. Can you help me with some money? Like a couple quarters and a dollar is not going to stop you from shitting your pants, dude. You're still going to have to poop. What if he just plugged it up? I guess that would work. Fold up the bills.

If you guys had a roll of nickels, that would be huge for me right now. That's what I really need. Yeah, here's like 20 bucks. You got that in nickels, man? I really need to plug myself up. You're still going to shit yourself, pal. That's just gonna happen here man And then fights

Is walking home late at night Some guy slow rolled up on him Yo man it's a nice jacket Slow in a range Like a new Range Rover He was He was You know he could've bought

His own jacket if he cared to And I was like I wanted that one It was just like I was getting cat called Walking down the street I was like this guy's gonna Kick my ass with his jacket

I just fucking know it And then there was the guy Who fingered your ass. Fingered my ass after throwing pepper in my face at the show. We filmed the making a gambler scene in which John and Marty got in the crowd. And he took pepper and threw it in your face. And the crazy thing was I felt it. I felt it was very granular.

I felt it hit me in the face while I was running. And I got back to the stage and I was like like i think someone just threw salt in my fucking eyes i was like rubbing my eyes and they didn't even back down like it was pepper yeah you pussy you fucking new york pussy fucking uh uh what's the word seasonings into my eyes it doesn't matter which it is i guess salt might hurt don't fucking complain you I feel a little bitch, bro. And then, yeah, then that guy fingered my ass later. Just snuck up behind me, dirtball,

we're taking pictures with everybody. Just put two fingers, fucking goosed me. I turn around, he's just like, I don't know, what do you do in that situation? I felt very vulnerable.

I was like, what do I start a fucking fight? Yeah, right, right. I punch a fan in the face. You would have been justified. If that happened, I would have been justified. If I was like, what the fuck, dude? You started a fight with our fans? They're like, you fingered me in the ass. I'm like been justified. If that happened, I would have been justified. If I was like, what the fuck, dude?

You started a fight with our fans and they're like, you're fingering me in the ass. I'm like, okay. I just stared. I'm like, what am I supposed to do here? We're at a fucking meet and greet.

I got dudes shoving fingers at my ass. What the fuck is wrong with you? I remember what you look like, dude. You're a bald dude in a blue sweater. Fucking remember you. Don't put fingers in my ass. It's not a hard request. Don't put fingers in my ass. That's pretty a hard request. Don't put fingers in my ass.

That's pretty bare minimum if you ask me. Maybe that guy was like, listen, John Fidelberg's gonna remember me for the rest of my life. He's gonna remember the blue sweater,

bald head, and those two fingers up his butt. Just, just, just, just, just,

just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just,

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just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just us. What a fucking town you got there. I mean, lived up to the reputation. Stereotypes, for a reason. I mean, when Rowan said, Rowan did a Bang Bang Bird Gang video. Actually, can we put that in? Yo, Bang Bang Bird Gang, you know what the fuck it is, dude. KFC Radio down in Philly.

It's a special fucking edition, so we're doing it big. But listen, if you're in the audience, I got a little tip for you. I got a sneaking suspicion that KFC and Feudalburg are going to try and make fun of fucking Philadelphia while they're down there. Well, if they do, I got a little trick I learned when I was student body president up at Holy Family. Throw up on them. Have a fucking half gallon of fucking YYP choice tea, a full gallon of fucking Turkey Hill, maybe some stuffed fucking red peppers out of fucking Primo's choice tea a full gallon of fucking turkey hill maybe some stuffed fucking

red peppers out of fucking primos and throw up on them because no one comes to fishtown and disrespects philadelphia well maybe other than those fucking 20 000 people underneath the l doing heroin but that's neither here nor there make a note of it go across the street to the barbary go and grind on some fucking dude dressed up as a chick and then fucking finish off the night at the institution formerly known as sugar house playing fucking craps all night across the fucking table from bubba chuck let's fucking go and he he said uh at one point he said yeah the 20 000 people doing heroin like it was it's probably more like 17 5 like it was a pretty accurate number right there by Roan It was kind of sad

Philly We were there Me and Rick Because of Making a Game Which is out now We went to the monument and stuff like that There wasn't a lot We just walked into the Liberty Bell

Well it was like a Tuesday afternoon It was a Tuesday evening Yeah I guess yeah Maybe it's like Weekend thing You go to fucking Empire State Building It's like constant Yeah you thing? I don't know. You go to fucking... Yeah, Empire State Building is like constant.

Yeah, you go anywhere right now. It's like... It was a ghost town. There were maybe like six people there. Also, a bunch of misspellings on the Statue of Liberty. On the Liberty Bell. Check out Magnet Gamble, though, because you're going to like this one. Yeah, very funny.

But we did get cheesesteaks. And you can get yourself some steaks with Omaha Steaks. Oh, yay, yay. I'm talking filet mignon. That's so fucking funny. It really is. Philadelphia. You get six bacon-wrapped filet mignons.

Fillet mignons. You can get four savory pork chops, four Omaha Steakburgers, four perfectly browned potatoes au gratin, four made-from-scratch caramel apple tartlets, the signature seasoning from Omaha Steaks. Plus, you know what? Bam, we're going to give you a six-piece of cutlery and a cutting board. That makes you feel official because, to be honest,

when you're slicing these things up and you're doing seasoning or whatever, you don't have the right tools. You put it on the countertop like a savage. No, you put it on a nice cutting board. When you're going to slice it up real nice, you got to take that Instagram picture where you can see how it's nice medium rare, nice pink in the middle, you got to have the nice, the cutlery to do it, so you're going to get the cutting board, the cutlery, all

that food I mentioned and you can get it off for $69.99 right now so you get all that food plus the cutlery when you use the promo code KFC so go to omahSteaks.com. Shout out to Peyton Manning. Omaha! Omaha!

And you can only get it until December 8th. So get on your grind now. Your father will love this. The guys in your life will love this. The women who like to grill, who like to eat good. Anybody who likes good food, it gets delivered to you easy peasy in a styrofoam cooler. Everything stays nice and fresh. Pop it in the freezer.

Keep it forever. You know what? It goes pretty quick when we have it, so forget about it. You're going to eat it real quick. So go to omahasteaks.com and use the promo code KFC at checkout. So we'll get into our voices. We also have Chito Santino on the program, the Red Rocket. You can see his glorious red hair and red beard if you go to

barstoolgold.com slash KFC and sign up to watch the podcast. We told him to his face. He's one of the handsomest real gingers out there. I think it's him and Damian Lewis. Is that his name from Homeland? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a pretty handsome one.

Damian Lewis. I always find Damian Lewis hilarious for what he did with Obama. When season one ofboy had just come out and Damien Lewis showed up. The young guy invited to the White House, showed up with a DVD copy of it and autographed it from one Muslim to another. That's great. That's very funny. Very funny.

But Cheeto is – he is like – it's like vibrant like It's like Vibrant It's like It's neon That hair You know what I mean There's like You got the little ginger Francis had the red

He's got that He's got the corner He's got the market cornered He is the ginger So check out Chido Santino On the podcast later We I mean our interview

Went for a while We covered that Yeah He's awesome He was one of my favorite He's a really really dude uh before we get into that and our voicemails the uh the definitive feminist and and masculine ranking rankings came out who did this it's uh it's from a website called morning consults as a new poll gauges gender association among activities mundane objects and what that means for brand marketers okay so for example like footballs like a 10 on

the masculine scale like i don't know if that one was in here it's definitely not a 10 because it seems like nothing it's this is rather binary as uh tampons were ranked as the most feminine thing and they were only i was 23 that would that should be a hard 10 because they go into vaginas and i mean is that a thing i guess you can be like a guy with a pussy these days i don't know but like i feel like yeah even if you talk to like transgender people like they've opted to become a woman if you have a vagina yeah you've had the surgery to be a woman so yeah and also here's a question for you you don't like get your period right i would imagine no i do not know the answer to that i They just dig a cave in you, right? Yeah.

I think, wow, that was a vivid image. That's what they did. Yeah. That's a tough one to take. It's like a divot in the golf course. Give me a second. It's like a divot in the golf course. Take a chunk out.

No, they invert your dick is how it is. Oh, like, I've got no comparison there. I've, like, seen a gif of the surgery, not with an actual penis, but, like, a drawing. It's difficult. That's wild. Yeah. All right, so run through the most feminine and masculine thing. You give me the object, and I'll tell you where it falls on the scale.

Okay. It was 1,000 men and 1, thousand women were um were uh quiz pulled yes um let's see here that's all it's a one to ten one being the most masculine ten being the most feminine okay spin class oh it's gonna go uh 7.9 no six five i've rocked some spin classes yeah but you're fucking feminine. Yeah. Well, yeah, but, like, I have a penis. I mean, when you went, I would say that 7 out of 10 people are going to be chicks.

I went. At a spin class. So I would say 7 to 8. I was, like, reverse sexist when I was at spin classes where it was, like, if it was a straight guy, I fucking hated it. I was like, this is fucking bullshit, dude. Because I needed it to be either a woman or a gay man. Because with a straight guy yelling at me, being like, come on, John. Let's go, John. Shut the fuck up, bro.

I'll hit you. I'll knock you out. Yeah, I'm tired. Ride your little bike, bitch. I'm like, come on, get those hands going. No, this five-pound weight, I've been fucking pumping it for an hour straight. I'm exhausted, dude. I'm exhausted.

It sounds like a specific incident in your life. Stop telling me to tap it back, okay? My fucking quads is burning. All right, dude? You also got long balls. That's got to be tough when you're sitting on the bike and up and down. I got bike shorts. Yeah, I know, but still, the balls.

What about beer? Beer. I mean, I would say that that's, uh you know when you go out with the bar most chicks they're getting sabaccasotas they're getting uh wine they're not really doing beers uh i'm gonna say though that's uh that's gonna be a seven one wow you are so off on these i'm gonna be impressed if you get one at least the first number right that's a three nine that's crazy well i mean because you just got it wrong you said seven one it's on the scale of one you like the closer you are to one the more masculine you are oh fuck okay so then i got it right yeah you got it i got it exactly right yeah really close well not exactly right because

that would be i said seven one it was three nine yeah so it's 11. Oh, fuck. All right, but I was close. Yeah, you were close. So I got that one right. I said you were close. You didn't get it right. You were off by a number. But I mean, I was really close. You were close.

Guns. I mean, I feel like the chicks down in the South fucking love their guns. Yeah, girls in the South definitely love guns more than I do. But overall, it's still got to be pretty masculine. Four? Three, five. Yeah. Three, five, close.

We got to get you to get one number right. Bro, these are close. They're close. I said number. I want the first number right one time. Let's see here. Scotch. Lowest masculine?

Lowest masculine. Two something. Three, eight. Come on. No way. No way. No way. No chicks are drinking scotch. Literally, I've never seen a single.

Manicures and pedicures. Higher as one. That's got to be in the eights. Seven seven. Throw pillows. Eight. Six nine. No, that's gay. That's ridiculous. Throw pillows. Eight. Six, nine. No, that's gay.

That's ridiculous. Throat pillows are gay. Face masks. I like face masks, but those have got to be pretty feminine. High is feminine. Nine. Six, nine. Son of a bitch.

God, this is tough. Condoms. I feel like that's kind of down the middle. Five? I'm very surprised at the ranking of condoms. I would have gone kind of down the middle Five? I'm very surprised at the ranking of condoms I would have gone right in the middle Five Three, two

It's the most masculine thing Chicks hate rubbies Is that like they don't like it or they don't have You know, because guys usually have the condoms Chicks do hate the fucking rubbers More than the guys I feel like sometimes Yeah, I like it I've jerked off with condoms before

and that's a true story yep yep i mean we all have let's get into our voicemails they're brought to you by let go uh if you've got furniture you don't need anymore if you've got clothes you don't fit in anymore and don't like anymore you got shoes you don't wear if you've got little knick knacks and stuff that uh that no longer have use to you, but you don't want to just throw them out, you don't want to have to like pack them all up and mail them somewhere or donate them somewhere or whatever, you could do LetGo. It's an online marketplace for people to locally buy and sell and trade items. So maybe you're moving into a new neighborhood and you need to get stuff.

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What's up, flights, KFC, Super Producer BC. So I'm sitting in class today. I'm 18. I'm a senior in high school. And I'm in my geography class. We're sitting there looking at some maps. And today, at 18 years old, I realize that fucking Japan is an island

in the middle of the ocean. All my life, 18 years, I thought it was just connected to the rest of China and the rest of the world and the rest of Asia. It's a fucking island. I've never felt more stupid in my entire life. Everybody around me made me feel so fucking stupid. My girlfriend was almost in tears when I told her this.

I don't know if you guys think of this or this is common knowledge, but let me know. I mean, I definitely knew that Japan was an island because of isolationism and shit. But, like, it's not like an island in the middle of the ocean. It's, like, very close to the coast of Asia. Is it very close? I mean, I know it's not in the middle of the ocean, but I don't think it's that close, is it?

I think it's pretty close. I mean, this is one of those things where it's... Look, I mean, that's very close. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Especially, like, what's that? Shanghai? Not Shanghai.

Singapore down there? Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's one of those things where it's just like i mean it's very close to russia it's very close to north korea and south korea like you know that it's as close like you wouldn't be like cuba is in the middle of the ocean it's like right off the coast like i think like the way he described that you would think it's like hawaii but it sounds like he just didn't even know it was an island at all no but and it's like so easy to laugh at something like this but there there's so many things that you think are common knowledge they're impossible to know they just come up naturally

but there there's so many things that you think are common knowledge i'd be like wait what yeah i mean i've definitely it's hard to like think of the things that you didn't know yeah because you block them out because it's incredibly embarrassing or like but if you don't like i don't know what i don't know you know what i mean like until someone says it but i definitely have moments where i mean i i kind of did this with Hamilton Island. That was a little different. But you remember that one? Oh, you thought it was Bermuda.

Yeah. I thought Bermuda was a place called Hamilton Island. I was like, let's go on vacation to this place. It's in the middle of the ocean. Let's go to this island, Hamilton Island. It's just the capitals. The map was showing the capitals, you moron. Who knew the capital of Bermuda was Hamilton?

Well, yeah, that you didn't know. But I mean I feel like I would have been like, ooh, it's right off the Carolinas? Yeah, that's probably Bermuda. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I feel bad. That's one of those things, too, where at 18 it slaps different,

if you will, feeling stupid. I feel like now I'd be like, yeah, man, I don't know. I just never learned. Yeah, listen, I'm dumb. What do you want me to tell you? That's the age where you really – I actually think at 18 it slaps different because you should know that because you're like in school.

You're reading textbooks. You probably just learned about Japan. Like, I don't know. I forget a bunch of shit. You don't learn anything anymore. Forget it all because none of it's important. None of it matters. Who cares?

You know what? It doesn't matter that you don't know Japan's an island. Nothing you learn in school matters. Unless you have to like chart up. Stop going to school. Just look at the internet. It's all there. For real.

It's all there. People who like shame the internet, fuck off. Internet's the only reason people are smart. The only way we get anything done anymore is because of the internet. Unless you were charting a course on a boat to sail to Japan, you don't need to know that Japan's an island. It's one of those things where it was like, as a third grader, your teacher would say, I was going to have to calculate it with you. Fuck off, Mrs. Manchester. Guess what i have now and it's like jobs it's like even now it's like

with fucking anything like well you know i was gonna have a history textbook on you yeah i do i always have everything on i have the score of the game name whatever it is i have it on me calculator on me like apt to like find sex have it apt to find food. Have it. Compass. On me. Done. Don't you think this will affect when you're raising the kids? Yes. When we had problems with math, mom and dad would be like, you've got to learn this. I'm going to have a tough time telling the kids you really got to learn this. Because you just don't.

I don't know. You don't have to. You can just find this out later on your own. That is going to be so hard. I'm lying to my child. You need to learn how to find child yeah fine fine you need to learn how to find x no you don't that's what's gonna be like show your work though it's like you know you're gonna fail the tests you have to show your work it's also it's it's it's absurd

that we just ever had to do that and it's such bullshit that they lied to you and said you'd use math every day of your life that's the biggest lie ever told you use math every day like simple math you do but that's i mean i don't use math every day of your life. That's the biggest lie ever told. You use math every day of your life. Like simple math you do, but that's it. I mean, I don't even add every day. I don't add every single day. Yeah. There's – even the simplest of maths. I'm not using it every day.

No. I'm occasionally doing it. And guess what? When I'm doing it, I don't have to do it. No, you know what it is, though? They'll be like – you kind of do in the sense that you're like, all right, what do I have to do today? Like two hours here.

That'll take an hour. All right, add that up like five hours do I have to do today? Like two hours here. That'll take an hour. All right, add that up like five hours. I have a calendar. That tells me. That tells me how long I have to do everything. And most of the time, pretty open. No, you're like, all right, how long is that going to take me to get there?

That'll take about like 25 minutes. I don't know. I don't even think. That's time. Time's different. Time's not math. You do need to know time. Time means to learn.

I'll tell my kids that. You need to learn time time time means to learn i'll tell my kids that you need to learn time that's it i mean there is because anything you're studying for anything you want to be like probably isn't going to be a real job by the time you need it like it's like like everything like we always talk about that like the jobs we have didn't exist yeah we couldn't train for this job in school no there was none of that and so like i guess yes it's writing or it's it's communications, whatever. Everything could be rooted in something. If you want to track it back, yes, there's something there.

But this job was not a job. I guess it was radio or whatever. Well, this is what Marty had a question in the car. Can you name something entirely new, some invention that is brand new? And I was like, all right, well, AirPods are a new thing. He's like, nah, that's a variation of the headphones, which is already a thing. So, something entirely brand new that's not revamped, that's not rebooted,

made better. It was a hard question. It was a stupid Marty question. I was like, this is dumb, but you're actually I can't, you know, fuck you. We never got anything. We never got anything. We couldn't come up with a single thing. We were like, phones, or cell phones. Well, that's a revamped phone. And I think he said like, social media was, I think he gave Facebook. He said like, Facebook. We couldn't come up with a single thing. We were like, phones or cell phones. Well, that's a revamped phone.

And I think he said like social media was – I think he gave Facebook. He said like Facebook. He gave me MySpace. MySpace. The original social media gets credit and then everything after that is like a – But even like – I mean if you really want to break it down, isn't that just like a revamped club? Yeah, exactly. Right.

So if anybody out there can solve stupid fucking Musha's riddle, let me know. But yeah, you can do that with everything in education. But for the most part, all those individual things you're learning, unless you're going to go try to be a Jeopardy champion, you don't need to know shit. Also, if you were learning radio to do podcasting, I don't think it would work. It doesn't translate. It's almost like when you – I remember when I first moved to New York when I was 21 or whatever to work here. We didn't make money, so I was like, all right, I'm going to be a bartender. And then I was like – I was going to go to bartending school, but everyone said don't go to bartending school because bartenders like to treat you in their own way. So if you learned the radio way, it might be harder to come over here and do it this way.

Or if you learned how to write novels, it's harder to blog. You kind of just got to learn it while doing it and adapt while doing it. Yeah, learn that craft individually because all of it's unique. That wasn't a shot at Kirk Minahan. I fucking know they're listening. You're probably like, come on the show on Monday. Shut up. It was just a fucking observation.

Next up. What's up, boys? So I just had a quick thought. I wanted to get your take on it. If you had to pay $1,000 cash every time you came, no matter if it was jerking off or fucking whatever, how long do you think it'd be until your

savings are completely depleted? And with that being said, do you try to make your savings last and just come maybe like once a week? Or do you say fuck it and come as much as you do now and knowing your fate that you're just going to be a bum on the side of the streets begging for change so you can come again? All right, man. Interesting take. Thanks.

I've got about like two jerk-offs worth of money in the bank. So I'd be broke real quick. I would not ever consider it. I think this would be great. I think you would be rich. I think you'd be the greatest motivator in the world. If you like physically could not jerk off or come. It's 20 bucks.

Yeah. He said a thousand bucks. Oh, he said a thousand? Yeah. I don't know how I heard 20. Yeah, a thousand bucks. Okay, a thousand dollars is extraordinarily different. Very. I was like, what. Oh, he said $1,000? Yeah. I don't know how I heard $20. Yeah, $1,000. Okay, $1,000 is extraordinarily different. Very.

I was like, what? No, this is hard. That's why I was laughing so much at you having two jerks on the mic. It's still not great, but it's better than that. I mean, I would be Zuckerberg. I would find a way to innovate and revolutionize the world because I need my jerk-off money. It's tough because I'm such a cost-what-it-costs

guy. $400 hat, sure. I wore Wendy's the other day. It was $60. I was like, well, that's what Wendy's cost. Apparently. I could have walked three blocks and gotten it for $12. But I was like, well, $60, yeah. Because it is like, you get the delivery

fee, then you get a tip, and then like, you know, you're clicking buttons. This doesn't cost money. I got, I mean, this was disgusting.

This was Monday night. I got spicy chicken combo. So fries, root beer, spicy chicken. Trash. Got a Dave single.

Got a bowl of chili. I like the chili. Got eight-piece nuggets. Got Frosty. Put it all down. Immediately fell asleep. Eat all of it? All of it.

Because I do that, but I don't end up eating it. Just fucking gutted every single thing. And then just fell asleep. I woke up two hours later. Watched the game. Stayed up until 4 a.m. watching End of the World Season 2. It was great. But anyway, I say all this to say that, like, it didn't matter.

Like, that's the stars. I've never thought about it again until this applies here. What things cost, they just cost. Yeah. I don't – it's like I need to eat. Yes, I could go and work harder and find it cheaper and cook my own food and all that stuff. But, like, no, this is what dinner costs in that job. And then it's like when I do laundry, that's what it costs. and all this stuff. No, this is what dinner costs in that job.

And then when I do laundry, that's what it costs. When I go out to drink, this is what it costs. When you jerk off, this is what it costs. When I take a ride Uber, I'm not like,

oh boy, I can't take an Uber. It's surge pricing. It's $14. No, that's what it costs. So I'm going to pay it. I'm not a coupon clipper or a deal searcher. That's the price you're going to get.

I'd be the worst car buyer. Also the reason why I'm the worst negotiator. That's what you that's what you're paid that's what i'm paid but like yeah i go buy a car like this car costs 65 000 i'll give you 40 cash i'll give it to you in cash no problem that's just one thing that's why i always defend buying a house for buying a house was so hard for me. That's what pitchers cost. At that time, that's what they cost. It was like when you're buying a house, it's so wildly, wildly more expensive than anything you've ever bought that it's crazy. All of a sudden, you're talking in variations of like 50 grand.

You know what I mean? It's like, wow, 750, 700, same thing basically. No, no, that's so fucking much. So when you go to the negotiating table and you're talking like, well, I bet I can get them to come down $60,000. It's like, what? I'm used to haggling over. I don't haggle over anything.

And now we're talking about tens of thousands of dollars. It's kind of like what we do to professional athletes. It's like, well, I mean, what's the difference between $75 million and $50 million? Yeah, yeah, yeah. $25 million. A lot of fucking millions. That's so many millions of dollars difference.

A lot of fucking millions. What can you do with $75 million that you can't do? But the only thing I think about that, the only reason I think that stands is because

like when you see, like when those golfers go to the Bahamas or whatever, those guys are all, there's probably a great difference in wealth amongst those guys, right?

Some of them have probably won many majors. Some of them have won none, but they're good. But they also have... It's all the endorsement money. Endorsement money. But I'm saying there's still probably the richest guy and the poorest guy, and you're still in the Bahamas money.

Once you unlock a certain level of wealth, I think you can say that where it's like, all right, yeah, you have $25 million more than me, but if I want right now, we can both take a private jet to the fucking French Riviera and get on our boats together. We're living the same lifestyle. That's where I think it kind of plays. When you're talking about the difference of like a regular salary,

it's like, yeah, I can go search pricing and you can't. Yeah, I mean, the first two that came to mind i just did it was speed and fowler right speed's 100 followers between 17 and 20 he's got 100 that's big money so but you know that's actually a lot so that kind of flies in the face of what i'm saying because i would i would be like that no there's a difference there yeah but ricky fowler has enough money that he's you know side by side. I can't believe Fowler's only 17. Yeah.

I mean, he's one of the most. I mean, celebrity net worth is just such bullshit. But if it's even remotely proportional, like, that's crazy. I mean, Puma, step up your fucking numbers. Because I know that it's Ricky Fowler, Puma, and he's the most standout outfits ever. It should be, like, the most money. Yeah. More than, like, Nike and Adidas.

Like, I know Puma and Ricky Fowler. The only reason I know Puma anymore. That's the best billboard ever. Yeah. Because I don't play middle most money. Yeah. More than like Nike and Adidas. Like I know Puma and Ricky Fowler. The only reason I know Puma anymore. That's the best billboard ever. Yeah. Because I don't play middle school soccer. Right. Is Ricky Fowler. Is Ricky Fowler.

But anyway, jerking off. $1,000. God, that's tough, man. That's crazy. Because I mean, you can't. It's kind of like, it's like an addiction like with drugs. It's like if you get addicted, you're like, I got to spend my money. But it's like eventually you'd like check into rehab or something because you're going to go broke.

Rehab for jerking off. It's like sex addiction. Because, I mean, I think you would go broke. I think we all would. Yeah, I mean, you definitely would. It's just like. It's like, you know, how much money it would cost $1,000 to eat. I got to eat.

I mean, like, that's like basically you're kind of going on not a really nice vacation, but you're going like on a weekend away when you jerk off. Yeah. How many weekends away do you take a year? I mean, that's, yeah, not many. Like four? Right. Maybe you take like three or four.

I leave Thursday night, come back Sunday night. But, I mean, this is like, you know, it's like a physical. It's like breathing and eating. At some point, you're going to just be like blast off. I mean, you could probably get down to like once a week. You're spending 50 grand on jerking off. 52 grand. Once a week?

$52,000 is too much to jerk off. If I'm jerking, like, can I just have sex? He said anytime you come. Ay, caramba. That's the other thing, too. It's like, yo, girl, you worth $1,000? I mean, this is bullshit, man. Fuck this question.

That's actually the loophole. You've got to become a gigolo. You've got to make money. Oh, you've got to pay. You pay me $1,000 to fuck. Yeah. It's like when you rent a, you have a property with the rent money to pay your mortgage. You break it even.

You pay $1,001. Yeah. That's great. You've just got to get really good at sex and become a whore. I got to be like Elliot Spitzer level

fucking prostitute. Guess what? I don't got that in me. You learn. You'll learn. You'll become shredded. You'll work out. You'll do Kegels.

You'll fucking get that dick game up. You guys do Kegels? Yeah. Flex. Flex. Give me chills. Flex.

Made my nipples hard real quick. Flex. Make your dick jump, you know? That's a Kegel? What does that do? For girls, it tightens your pussy up. Oh, I know what it does for girls. It strengthens their vaginal wall, actually.

But what does it do for me? I don't have a vaginal wall. Strengthens my dick. Makes it harder. How weird is it for a listener to be like, they're just flexing their penises right now? Yep. I mean, let me see.

What do male Kegels... I love when, like, Google, like... I don't think male Kegels are a thing. Oh, they definitely are. I bet you it actually helps with, like, your prostate and your flow and shit like that, you know? K-S-E-G-L-E-S-E-R-I-N-E. Oh, I thought you were just cutting us off.

In men, urinary incontinence can be caused by a weak urinary sphincter. That may be a result. Urinary sphincters? I thought sphincter was just a butthole. No, think about it. Like, if you're peeing and you need to stop, you can pinch it off. But that's my sphincter? That's a urinary sphincter.

To be honest, when you're doing it, you're flexing all the sphincters at once, really. I kind of am, at least. I think I can feel it in the other one. I don't think I'm doing anything with it. This is ridiculous. Let's put it next to one. Make a wink for me. Can you make a wink? What's up, fellas?

I am in a drunk thermostat war with one of my roommates. I live with three dudes. Don't really know anything about them war with one of my roommates. I live with three dudes. Don't really know anything about them. Just kind of random roommates. But, like, I'll get home when I'm drunk and it's cold as shit out, and I'll crank it up to, like, 73 just to fucking spite the motherfucker who, like, cuts it to 66 in the morning.

Like, I have a real job, so I get up early, and getting up to 66 degrees fucking sucks. So I get home and I crank it up so in the morning it's nice, but if I'm out late, I'll cut it to 66 and we're just in a war. He's a nice guy. I know who it is, but

how do I win this thing? Thanks, fellas. You don't. You're the asshole. This is a little impromptu edition of do I win this thing? You don't. You're the asshole. This is a little impromptu edition of Am I the Asshole? This guy definitely thought, like, he's right and we're going to be on his side. I mean, a big old collective fuck you to this guy. 73?

I mean, he's bullshit. I hate heat. I hate heat. It smells. It's too much. It feels like you feel like you're in, like, a chamber. Yes, you can't breathe. Yeah, it's awful. Now, I will say, wake it up in the morning in the winter when it's too much it feels like you feel like you're in like a chamber yes you can't breathe yeah it's awful

now I will say wake it up in the morning in the winter when it's cold I got my shit on like a timer it's pretty cool I don't know if that's

a standard thing it's probably not but like I set it so it's like at 6am the heat turns on so by the time I wake up it's like

bearable cause I do like it cold I came home the other day it was 57 cause I just turn my heat off during the day because I'm broke. Like 60... I don't have heat money, kid.

I go between 66 and 68. I live in New York so I don't have any control over this. You're just blasting. I just open my windows. My windows stay wide open in the winter. When you have those old school radiators, it's just a blast. It's like having a fire raging in your house I just open my windows. My windows stay wide open in the winter. Well, you got to. When you have those old school radiators, it's just like a blast.

It's like having a fire raging in your house all the time. Yeah, a fire raging in your house that also sounds like a Pops and Pants fight. You know what it sounds like? When your favorite podcasters bang on the table. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, fuck you, dude. You lose. I don't know if you were calling here For validation But you lose

I am so grateful by the way I never had to do that Just have blankets And fucking Yes that's the thing You can always like You can't walk around naked That's why winter's so much better than summer

You're making it summer in the house Yeah Keep it winter in the house You can always put on a blanket And a hoodie I actually like that Keep it cold Get cozy

I love that Drink a hot chocolate I'm so grateful I never had to do rando roommates That's a thing I'm very, very happy for. Like I just always had friends to live with or enough money to live alone. I think when you have to do like the Craigslist thing, it's crazy. I mean, I'm extraordinary.

That is my number one privilege in life. Yeah. That I've never had to do. I didn't even have to do in college. I never had in college. In my freshman year, I had a single. And then from then on, I just chose my romance. Picture've never been forced with people college was actually cool because i met some people i never would have um my freshman year and then uh but like when you just have to live in new york's in some i know i know it's necessity

like you but yeah it's weird that's fucking you poor. You're a broke boy. It's like... Chasing your dreams isn't worth living with strangers. Yeah, for real. Just go get a shitty job that pays well. Move to Cleveland. Yeah, move in with your parents. I don't know. Do whatever.

People in Philly were telling me how they paid $500 in rent. Bullshit. For like, you know, a three-bedroom triplex or some shit. It was like... It really is. But almost this actually kind of goes back to the cost of what it costs. Like, I don't ever

consider my rent money. I'm not like, oh boy, I'd pay less rent elsewhere. I remember trying to haggle my first, like, apartment with my buddies and I was like,

you know, like $1,450? Like, come on. And I went back and I was like trying to get $1,400 and my friend was like, and he was the asshole.

He wasn't actually moving in with us. He just wanted a place to crash, you know. So he was like pushing for it hard. He bought us a TV, which was nice, but it was like – then he got like tens of thousands of dollars worth of wear out of the apartment. He bought a $250 TV. But he was like, dude, you're really going to like what? Lose this perfect apartment for you and your buddies to live in Manhattan, party with girls, hang out at the bars over $50 a month. I was like, yeah, you're right.

I'll drop it on the ground and not even realize it. All right, last voicemail of the day before we get Cheeto is brought to you by Thursday Boots. Money, power, and boots. Correct. But you know respect is what's supposed to come, right? Yeah, it's from whatever, right? Starface.

Yeah. And the classic song, Lil' Kim and the Lox. Money, power, respect, what you need in life. I don't get your 90s references. Such a loser. First you get the money, then you get the motherfucking power. And after you get the power, these bitches respect you. Money, power, and a great pair of boots.

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Money, power, and a great pair of boots are now only one click away. Get your boots for the fall and the winter right now at Thursdayboots.com. All right. So, hey, boys. KFC, Superdurcer BC in Feilberg. So I got a situation here. So I'm 28. I have a kid, and my girlfriend is 22, and she's kind of pretty immature, but, like, the sex is amazing.

She made me have sex three times the other night, which I didn't think was like possible anymore. I literally didn't. Now, what do I do? Do I like stop trying to have sex with this girl? Because like it's like I can't. But like she just wants it way too much than I can handle. What do I do? I'm like dying every time we have sex what do i do i'm confused what is the problem that he like wants to break up with her because she's too immature or that she wants to fuck too much i think fuck too much

okay because at first he was saying like she's totally immature also also a characteristic of the immature. Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, she likes sex. Because those are true. When he said, like, she's 22, I have a kid, she's immature, I thought it was like, this isn't going to work between us, but the sex is amazing. What do I do? Versus, because that's a different story. That's like, if that's the situation,

you probably should break up with her, but you're not going to. Like, if you have found, like, your sex bomb and she wants to fuck you all the time and you're getting crazy sex, you're just not going to break up with her. It'll eventually run its course and it'll get to an untenable point, but I feel like you will not be able to proactively cut it off. Most guys will not. I'm thinking. I'm just thinking what he can do here So that's a separate problem If the problem is just that she wants sex too much

I mean, listen You're kind of in control of that If you're just like, I can't get my dick She's immature, put her in the corner Like, daddy's got a soft dick We're not having sex No! Like, you can't rape me.

You can't rape a guy. If your dick's not working, you can't get raped. I mean, I think that's going to have to be cut out. Because men can absolutely be raped. Not when you have a soft dick. I mean... Sex cannot occur with a soft dick. Sex can't occur with a soft dick But it's also

You can get like humped and shit No I mean it's just a fucking Natural reaction Even if you don't want to have sex Your dick can get hard I don't think that's true It's absolutely true If some

If I try to fuck you right now Your dick's gonna get hard If you fucking do enough stuff To my dick probably I think I could I think I could try to fluff you up And I would hope you don't get hard. I promise.

I would hope so, too. I guarantee this dick is not getting hard for you. But it's like... Come on. Come on. You apologize. Come on. Try to make me hard.

Try to fucking make me hard. You won't. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. It just went off. It just goes off sometimes. But also, if that... Then just fuck her.

Yeah, what are you going to do? It's a problem. You're going to walk away from mind-blowing sex because it happens too often? Talk about champagne problems. Talk to other single dads who are just trying to get their rocks off with anybody. You're like, well, I got this 22-year-old porn star. The problem is she wants to go three times instead of two. Shoot yourself.

Chop your dick off. You don't even deserve it. Teach your kid fucking how to do it. You're like, listen, daddy's got to go bang this young porn star. Yeah, I mean, honestly, that's actually my advice. Just jack up here. Just keep having sex. This will run its course.

She will get sick of you. You're 28. You have a kid. She's 22. She'll wake up one day and say she doesn't want to do this anymore. So ride this. You know what this is like? I'll give you an example.

When we have our week off every year for the holidays, I try to do nothing. And by like, because we get like 10 days off usually. It's like a long, like two weekends and the whole week. So day like six, even I, Couch Clancy, I'm like, I haven't done anything in like four days. You know, like I got to fucking do something. And I'm like I haven't done anything in like four days you know like I gotta fucking do something and I'm just like no remember that come Monday when you go back after this you're gonna be like I want to just be back on the couch so soak it in now remember these moments like Billy Madison stay here as long as you can there's gonna come a time you're gonna be like I can't believe we

ever complained about fucking Jessica because there's to be a day where you can't anymore. And you're going to be like, holy shit, did I take that for fucking granted? So just keep fucking this girl. Let's go to Cheeto. Cheeto. Cheeto Santino is in the building. This interview is brought to you by Raycon. Raycon.

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Monday savings. Let's talk to Cheeto. Let's get right into it. Cheeto Sampino! The rocket is in the building. What's going on, man? I'm good, man. I feel good. It's nice and crisp in New York City. I like it. I really love it. There's one way to describe it. I like it, too. You like it? Thank God. I feel like i'm one of the only people on the planet who like it

here well i live here i'm like yeah well i live in la so i i get to i have to put up with um nice weather all the time i put up with it because i don't it's fine see you get over it at some point man you get like you get tight you get like i get it at some point i'm like i know the sun's out i know i i'm aware that's what I'm thinking because you're a Chicago guy right so like I know it sounds like bullshit

where it's like the seasons and stuff like that but like I went to school in Florida and I fucking hated the shit out of it where'd you go

Florida State exactly yeah you look like a Florida State guy well there is no is there any prestigious schools in Florida what's down there

also like you know you went to Tallahassee dude I don't know if you're on like South Beach, it's probably a little different. Yeah. Maybe.

I don't know. It was me. I just hated wearing the same clothes every day. Like a frat polo and a pair of fucking short shorts. Well, you could have changed it up. You just liked frat polos and short shorts. I mean, yeah.

And croquis. They wear croquis. Oh, yeah. I had croquis. Close to Del Mar's. Yeah. What's the shoes? Not boat shoes. What are they called? Is that what they're called? Sperry. Sperry, yeah, I had croquis. And, uh... What's the shoes? Not boat shoes.

What are they called? Is that what they're called? Sperry. Sperry, yeah. Those are so stupid. You just fucking walked in here 30 seconds. Top to bottom. I hate those shoes.

Do you have those shoes? I don't anymore. Those are loser shoes. They're awful. I see kids... They're not, like, comfortable. No, they're trash. They're trash.

They're trash. They smell good. I have long past my... Why did you wear them you think Because everybody else wore them Yeah Isn't that so sad about college Yeah

You gotta wear what other people Have to wear to be Although there was like Like I would show up to Like tailgates And I wouldn't wear frat stuff to that That surprises me That you did that

Because you don't do that now It wasn't Were you in a frat Very uniquely What frat were you in Pike Pike PKE bro Chug it

Pike have an alphabet Chug it. Pike, Kappa, Alpha, Beta. Chug it, dude. Put it in your butt or you're not one of us. I went to Arizona State. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Same thing. Same attitude.

Same idea of party, barely going to college. Same nonsense. Oh, I did go to class, literally. I'm surprised at all. I mean, like the L.A. life and the Arizona state life does not work for our type of people. I know, but I'm half Italian, so it doesn't really bother me as much as it's supposed to. Something about it, I don't burn

as much as one would think I should burn. I should burn, but I don't really. I figured you were like, uh-uh. I burn if I golf and I don't put on any sunscreen four hours in the sun, I'll get red. My neck will get red. But if I just throw on a little bit of sunscreen in the sun, I'll get red. My neck will get red. But if I just throw on a little bit of sunscreen in the morning, I'm fine. You don't fucking burn either, though.

Yeah, I know. I don't really burn either. I think we're all beating stereotypes here. Yeah, we are of ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. I'm tired of this stereotype. We're just breaking the mold.

Shut it down. Yeah. We'll go sit in the sun for three days. I'm not burning. Yeah, I don't even really put on sunblock. I'm probably going to get cancer. You should. No, you should.

You should a little bit. Yeah, you should. You should. When you put makeup on in the morning, just put some even like Really put on sunblock I'm probably gonna get You should No you should You should a little bit Yeah you should You should When you put makeup on In the morning Just put some makeup on Are you a makeup guy? No I'm not a makeup guy

Would you be a makeup guy? No Why not? No You can make your face not ugly No Sign me up It's not for me

I already look handsome These cameras are picking it up You actually are You gotta be one of the more Handsome gingers on the planet Yeah probably the one And you're a halfie I'm a halfie

I describe mine as like Mudblood or whatever I'm like a Prince Harry. Oh, are you? Is that how you describe yourself? It's not my facial features but my hair color. I don't think that's too braggadocious to be like,

I have a similar color hair to that man. He's okay looking. He's not bad. He's all right. He landed though. Talk about hitting out of his... He kicked so...

Outkicked his coverage so much. But actually, who knows? She could be terrible. We know nothing about her. Yeah, all I see is her videos where she's always crying. Yeah, I feel like... And I get it because the whole country just hates her. She did that to herself.

But how? Can you imagine his fucking headache at home? Yeah, but when you line up with royalty, that's your fault. Yeah. Those people are fake-fault people. Did she think that it was going to go well? The American who's been divorced and shit? She was already a celebrity.

You know what you're getting into. Are you guys single? Are you single? I'm just getting out of a divorce. Good for you, man. Are you single? No. Okay.

So when you're single, all my single friends, they talk about dating a Raya and all these dating apps and all this stuff. They nod me. Right. They talk about it and they say like, oh yeah, there's two kinds of women you can date online. You know when you see the girl that does every photo of herself online and she curates her instagram for certain colors you know who the fuck you're dating yeah okay just and and then when you when there's the girl who's the

party animal online that's blacked out all the time that's always she's wearing costumes a lot you know she's not halloween no yeah she loves escape rooms, you know, like. So, like, you know who you're dating. He's describing Casey. You know who you're dating. Yeah. Casey told me that she's been to five escape rooms. You know who you're dating, right? So it's the same way with the, I don't feel any sympathy for people that get into fame

and royalty dating because you know what the fuck. And then marriage. You're not blindsided by that. You know what the fuck goes on over there. It wasn't like the day you married him was the first time you experienced that. They killed Princess Diana, dude. They killed her because she had too much fun. She wanted to get piped on the side.

She wanted some side tickets, so they murder her in a tunnel. Fuck the British family. They're the worst people on earth. They can all burn. Quote me on it. Put that in the paper. TMZ tried to fuck with us the other day

because I was out here shooting for... We're doing the show for FX with Lil Dicky and TMZ showed up because they knew we were at the breakfast club. Because there's always a rat, by the way. There's always a rat that's going to snitch and say, you know who just walked in the building. It's a bell hop, a bad guy, something like that. I get it. They want to make a couple of bucks. But it's annoying that people know where you are in New York because New York is accessible. LA is nice because it's hard to get to places even if you know where someone is god it's impossible it's beautiful they can't get there but we walked out of this building and this tmz guy was trying to get dicky on some bullshit and the worst part about those people that i hate these people is

because that the questions are not fun or relevant he was like what do you think about taylor swift and uh what's going on with Scooter as his manager, Scooter Brown? He doesn't give a shit. That's not his, he doesn't care about that. That's their business. And they try to bury him with,

they lead you into nonsense. They're like, oh, so you don't care at all? So you don't care at all? Headlines. Yeah. He doesn't care about Taylor Swift's music. Yeah.

I've never seen one of those go down live. It's bullshit. I see it all the time and they're terrible people, bro. They're rats. They're rats with cameras. They're everywhere. They shit and piss on your fun. They're bad people.

I don't like any of that. Any of those people that make money trying to bait you into saying the wrong thing are fucking bad human beings. Because they're just trying to set you up to lose, you know? We had Brian Austin Green on here probably a little while ago, and he was a fucking cool-ass dude, but he was talking about how he kind of, him and Megan Fox started dating right when TMZ was kind of becoming TMZ. Right. And he was like, they were the hot couple, so they were

getting followed everywhere. He was like, I tried to beat up like five of them. I would do that all the time. I think it would snap. Yeah, you would. You'd be the guy that pushes one into traffic. I'd take the camera, I'd smash it, the whole nine. I'd pretend like I'm helping him. I'd be like, whoa, whoa into traffic. I'd take the camera. I'd smash it. The whole nine. I'd pretend like I'm helping him. I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

Just throw him right in front of a cab. Dude, he was slipping on the curb. I tried to hold him. I couldn't. Yeah, he got hit by a cab. Fuck him. You know what? No jury would convict.

No. Why? It'd be like good. Any logical group of people would know that that's not okay. But it's totally legal. You know that, right? You can film anybody in public. You go right up to them with the camera.

You can follow them as long as they're in public. You can do whatever you want on camera. I remember when – what's her name? From Sarah Marshall. Dax Hepburn's wife. I know. Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell.

When her and Dax were like, can you just not take pictures of our children, our babies? And they're like, nah, that sells. They're not celebrities. Please don't take pictures of our children. It's fucked And they're like, nah, that sells. They're not celebrities. Please don't take pictures of our children. It's fucked up. But here's the other side of that coin, and I'll be very honest about this. People say that shit in LA when they're like, oh, I'm just trying to live. It's like, if you want to really get away from it, you can.

You can. That's the problem. It's like, you know, I have friends that are famous enough to get annoyed. I'm not. I don't get bothered. I'm not famous like that. So I hang out with some of those guys, and I see them deal with it. But you know there's ways where you can get away from stuff.

I have people that never make it into that world, and they're super famous, but they know how to get rid of it. You know what I mean? They know how to like – or they don't live in fucking L.A. You don't have to live in LA. Once you make it, get the fuck out of there, right? Yeah, but you know, but- You gotta be there for the business.

It's nice. It's just nice to be, it's convenient. It's more, you know, like if it was up to me, I'd live up where, if I could have it my way, I'd live like outside Santa Barbara, like where Oprah lives, you know? I'd live up there. What's the name of her town? Not Carmel. Is it Carmel? Oprah Town. Yeah, Oprah Town. Yeah, it's hers. Oprah City. I live up there. What's the name of her town? Not Carmel. Is it Carmel?

Oprah Town. Yeah, Oprah Town. It's hers. Oprah City. Oprahville. Outside of Santa Barbara, I love it because it's further enough

away from LA where you don't really get LA but it's the exact same beach, chill, Southern California. And no poor people which is cute. Thank God.

Make me sick. We were surrounded by them. Philly's an interesting city. I can't really figure out Philly. I mean, I also have this weird distaste for a lot of Philly sports just because I'm from Chicago. So I have this weird, like, I don't like any other stuff. Yeah, of course.

But it's also, the city doesn't really give me, I don't get it. I don't get it. I get New York. I get Boston. There's just not much. Tell me, Philly. New York? Give me Philly. Cheesesteaks? It's cheesesteaks, but

I've never really been... Cheesesteaks and Percocet. That's it. My drug dealer... Not drug dealer. My cabbie was a drug dealer last night. He made a drug deal. You could have just said my drug dealer. It was yours. Why are you trying to lie like they don't know? He handed it to me. All drug dealers are from Philly, or they lived in Philly at some point.

Full bottle, Perk 30s. Just like, here you go. I was like, dude, can we just get to the punchline real quick? Are you taking cabs? You're still taking cabs? I'm a cab guy. If there's a cab line at my place, I'm a cab guy. So we were at a hotel.

There's a cab stand outside. Can't do it. Really? Why? Can't do it. I don't support those guys. They're all mean and rude, and they smell, and they're angry. You are a man of principle

It's not my fault That your life is shit Don't take it out on me I don't need to say It's not my fault You fucking put your life savings In a cab medallion Your fault

Two months later Your fault Hey, your fault Did you invest in Laserdisc? Your fault I don't feel sympathy For people that made mistakes Look, because no one's

Going to feel bad for me When I fuck up When we all fuck up The only people that you have Are people that made mistakes. Look, because no one's going to feel bad for me when I fuck up. When we all fuck up, the only people that you have are people that really care about you. The rest of the world doesn't need to give a shit about you. So it's not my problem. The Deadspin stuff and Sports Illustrated has kind of gone under. Every time in the blog world, every time a media company lays some people off, it's a massive. It's like, here's our Venmo.

We're trying to get some beers to drown our sorrows. You had a dream job. Now you're asking these people for money. Yeah, what are you going to do? You're going to pay your bar tab? I feel bad for people that come on real hard times, like real hard times. And I shouldn't say, I'm sure some of the cabbies are coming on hard times, I'm sure, because of what's going on. But also, I don't know.

I don't know. They always are mean. Every time I come to New York, they're angry. It's not like that in Chicago. It's just different. The cabbies in Chicago are a little bit different. How much everybody here is going to be angry? time I come to New York, they're angry. It's not like that in Chicago. It's just different. The cabs in Chicago are a little different. But the cabbies especially have just an attitude and it always smells like they just

finished a meal. I get it, but I don't need it. I can just get in some guy's Honda Civic. And they're always talking. I always feel like the worst job in the world would be being the friend of a professional cab driver. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who are you talking to? Someone who owns a bod being the friend of a professional cab driver. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're talking to someone all day. Who are you talking to? Someone who owns a bodega or someone who is a cabbie. 99% of the time you walk in there, there's on the phone. Yeah, they love conversation, man. It's the worst. Yeah, they should be public speakers. Who had a female cabbie?

No. Somebody here had a female cabbie. That's impossible. They were like, that's the story. They were like, I had a female cabbie. I was like, that's it. I had a female cabbie. They were in the Matrix.

That didn't make any sense. It wasn't even an Uber. It was like had a female cabbie. I was like, that's it. I had a female cabbie. They were in the Matrix. That didn't make any sense. It wasn't even an Uber. It was like a fucking yellow cab woman. Every time you get in the cabbie, and there was like, redhead. You're like, oh, no. They're going to tag me the moment I get out. You know? Every time I have this weird, like, who are they talking to,

and what are they talking about? Like, what if I'm the ride? What if I'm the one? We're like, we got the one. We got the sheep. We're going to sacrifice this guy. We're going to take him to the fucking warehouse in Queens and fucking kill him. I could be that guy.

I think about that every time. That's why I'm either in the Uber because they're tracking me in a fucking Uber. They know my parents know where they killed me. They'll find the body. Or I'm on the train and there's a million people on the train. It'd be hard to get kidnapped and killed on the train. I always think all the time about how easy it would be to do it like a terrorist attack on the subway, though. Like, bam, you killed like a thousand people on a heartbeat.

Yeah, you got something brewing? Yeah, I mean, maybe. You know, I'm under a little bit of stress right now. This is like the third time Kevin's brought it up. It's just like one of those shitty bombs. Has the L train been bugging you the last couple of weeks? You could kill like a thousand people with a shitty bomb. It's maybe one of those things that you like to, like, once a suicide happens like yeah we knew kevin i put this on record he was doing like

a little breadcrumbs every three weeks i talk about it guys there's a reason why he was just gonna say has this been a constant theme for you all the time i almost i also almost got shoved into the fucking tracks like a month ago two months ago and so i just wait wait wait violence yeah i was a homeless guy by like uh down on his luck guy he wasn't fully homeless but what was funny is he was wearing some of our gear oh really well that's wow he's a fan then so we were like i was walking on like the yellow line and i was trying to get down and he was coming on the other direction on the yellow line and i was like well we're gonna someone's gonna have to move here yeah and he he just kind of did like a fucking fake out like

pretend to grab me thing and i was like and of did like a fucking fake out like pretend to grab me thing and i was like and i was like you motherfucker and i just like kept it moving but i i i was like now then i started thinking all about subway then you start protecting yourself a little bit when you go down there bring that gun that you got yeah bring those guns that you got just hold them out and just wait for the train like that yeah come push me now see what happens i i i just uh i'm always keen and aware when I'm walking around any city that I'm always like, you could be a sucker at any minute if someone freaks out. Because in L.A., they had this report come out that I've talked about this too much the past week,

but I can't stop reading this article. 9,000 attacks for mentally disturbed people, like homeless and mentally disturbed people. 9,000 last year, and this year it's almost double. Really? Attacks on just regular people. Just in L.A.? That's in L.A., dude.

That's in L.A. Just like mugging and punching There's a lot of homelessness in L.A. that don't get taken care of. They treat them like shit, and so they shove them to a place, right? They get mad. They're not getting the drugs that they need,

whether it's real drugs or like medication. They lose it. Some dude dumped a bucket of diarrhea on someone. Yes, I saw that. LA, baby. Vile, man. Yeah, man, but that weird shit happens all the time. On Hollywood Boulevard, they grab and punch and slap tourists all the time

because they're angry. The cops have fucked them off so much, they're ready to kill. They want to kill because jail is better than street because they'll get food and somewhere to be. At some point, they don't care. We had that that guy last year was attacking people with a hammer remember that that's cool though that's a good horror story was he hitting people he was yeah i think he was

trying to i don't know if he connected on anybody that's like what's his name hitting people with his helmet what's that what's that yeah yeah is that it for him forever no he'll be playing again this year yeah this year you think. They got mad at him, huh? The internet got mad. The reaction was funny. Send him to jail. It wasn't even that bad. It wasn't that bad. It could have been worse.

Yeah, I know, but it wasn't. It was a dangerous thing. The intent and the potential was crazy. Right. Some of these guys punched their wives in the face. That wasn't even that bad. Hitting somebody with a helmet isn't the end of the world. I think hitting someone with a helmet is less dangerous than throwing a 100-mile-a-half

fastball at somebody. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. I bet the Venn diagram is a circle of the world. I think hitting someone with a helmet is less dangerous than throwing a 100-mile-a-half fastball at somebody. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. I bet the Venn diagram is a circle of the people who are like, put Miles in jail and also,

if you didn't want to get beamed, you shouldn't have shown up on a home run. Totally okay with that unwritten rule. Throwing a fucking fastball at someone's head is way more dangerous

than hitting someone with a helmet. And it's allowed. Yeah. And it's promoted. The umps are like, okay, okay, you get one. You get to try once to ruin this guy's allowed. And it's promoted. The umps are like, okay, okay, you get one. You get to try once to ruin this guy's family. You don't get two shots.

This is it, dude. Yeah, baseball. That's why I do love baseball because baseball has a bunch of these innocuous rules that don't really mean much. Baseball has a lot of nonsense. The unwritten rules. Yes, it's a beautiful kind of understanding between everybody. You're allowed to check people down. It polices itself. It's kind of nonsense. The unwritten rules. Yes, it's a beautiful kind of like understanding between everybody. You're allowed to check people down.

It polices itself. It's kind of nice and the umps should stay out as much as they can. I think like you let these guys do like with football

I get it. You have to keep some kind of peace because you have these dudes that are trying to murder each other so you have to keep peace

but at some point when these accidents happen are you really surprised? Are you like are you blown away that these guys are angry? I think it should happen more often they're on steroids they have adrenaline courses through their veins because they're trying to kill each other quite literally out there four millions of dollars they're they're committing things they're doing

things to each other that are attempted manslaughter that's what was a random guy on the street everyone just like a 400 pound person picks someone up and slam into the ground like you tried to kill him man right everybody was, there's no place for this in the game. Now let's get back to football where we smash each other's fucking heads. That is the goddamn thing. Try to break his neck this time. Right. But with pads on.

Wear pads, then try to kill him. I know. Well, hockey, they let you fight, which I've always loved because I'm an NHL fan. But I understand people got mad for a long time at the fights because they were saying it was causing too much breakage in time. Like it was ruining the game's pace and speed and it was unnecessary. And at some point people got like unnerved. And then it slowed down and then people wanted it again.

That's the problem. I mean as a casual fan, I like love it. Everybody wants a fight once in a while. But the fight is tempered by the fact that they're on ice. So I understand that. So let football players fight but but make it hard for them. You know what I mean? Make it difficult.

Usually they have their helmets on and they fucking punch each other. But let them take the helmets off and toe up for a second. Make a challenge. Make hot coals. They have to fight on hot coals. You know what I mean? Go to the hot coal pit. You guys get to fight on the sideline for three seconds and slug it out.

That way they're distracted because on ice it's hard to fight. That's why those guys are okay with it. If it was on the ground and they had to fight, like a lacrosse takeoff your helmet fight, brutal. You'd see some guy get murdered. You know what I mean? But the ice is a great mediator because no one gets good shots. Most people can't get that good of a shot in on ice. It's real hard.

Yeah, and some guys are brilliant at it, right? And you avoid them. And also if you're getting your ass kicked, it's very easy to just fall. Fall down and then it's over. That's the unwritten rule of, look, you don't hit each other when they're on the ground. Right. When someone's down, they're down. And the refs know.

They know when it's over. They know who's going to get clipped. I mean, they already set it up. When they just kind of, they both are like, I'm fucking gassed. And the guy's like hogging the refs coming in. All right, good. If you guys aren't going to try to get into the bleed, go to the box. Good scrap.

Good scrap. Everyone's like, all right. And you're good. I think that's the best part about that game is that there's a respect for it. That it's like, we're going to fight, but when it's over, we've got to still play hockey. Football is tough to do. When there's one scrum, it doesn't stop. Then the whole game is like aggressive.

So let them get on that hot coal fight, baby. Let them get on that hot coal fight. At least they used to have, but there would be the occasional hockey game that just turned into a melee. But there it is now. There was a viral clip maybe last year. I forget who it was, but it was just like two guys in the box yelling at each other just like hey man that's a hell of a scrap good fight eh that's honestly the trading teeth throwing it over the glass the hockey world is

the best for that yeah they're all just like dopey goons who are just like having a good time did you ever see that movie goon no yeah great film dude if you like hockey sean william scott one of the probably one of the best hockey movies I've ever seen. And no one, it never got pushed or promoted. It became kind of a cult classic if you're a hockey fan.

Yeah, Sean William Scott, Lee Schreiber. He's awesome, dude. I think Sean William Scott is so underrated in that movie. He's so good. And people just didn't, studios do that

where they throw it away. That they're like, I don't think it's gonna get any public acclaim. So they just throw it in the trash. But that happened in most movies that I loved. Do you know what I mean? Dude, Caddyshack was a flop.

Nobody gave a shit about Caddyshack when it came out before my time. But the cult classic of it that we understood was like, oh, I thought it was famous. My old man was like, no, it wasn't. Not even a little bit. It got ripped to shreds. They hated it. Critics who are clowns anyway, the losers, but they ripped it to shreds. They hated it. Critics, you know, critics who are clowns anyway, the losers, but they ripped it to shreds. Every single movie that I love is, you know, crushed by critics on Rotten Tomatoes and audience support.

I can't, well, you know. They said Dave Chappelle's special wasn't funny. You know, yeah. Oh, so they're keen on what's going on in the world. I've said this on everywhere I've ever been. Critics, every single one of them can eat my ass. All of them. For my whole career.

Eat my whole ass. You mean nothing to me. Do the art and then we'll have a conversation. You know who can criticize me? Someone that I look up to that's in my business. If Chris Rock wants to come up to me

and talk shit about my act, I'll listen to every word, take notes, and let that hit me hard when I walk home. Yeah. Some guy that writes from some building somewhere,

you know, who gets a paycheck and is eating Jimmy Johns at his desk while he talks shit about my act. I couldn't, there's no fucks to give about that human being. I think that's a hard, I think that's an important like level to get to. It's not even like a professional level, it's like a personal level of acceptance.

It's a life level, yeah. Of being like, okay, I don't care what random people say. It's really hard because you do care, but it's the ability to just not look at it. Like, I've always said, like, if Kevin wants to talk about me like hey this is where you're not doing well at work I'd fucking listen in a heartbeat right not most of my peers here anymore

but there are probably seven people here where I'd like okay this is an important note to take but everything else it's just like I'd listen to a fan

more than I'd listen to a critic would you yeah because fans fans interaction I give a shit about the people that are trying to enjoy my shit with me half of the fun for me

doing podcasts and stand up is interacting with these people that I want to connect with on a comedic level. If you get my humor, let's have fun with it. If you want to have a conversation about something you disagree with, yeah, maybe I can entertain it depending on my level of interest. You know what I mean? But I care less about people that have no interest in me as a human being other than criticizing. Yeah, what the fuck? That's insane. Do you feel you have to play the game at all though i mean i clearly you're not but are there people

who are like listen i play a game of like if i do the fx tv show you know and we're doing the show comes out in march if they want me to do some press stuff i'll go do some press stuff but it's on my number like it's the way i want to do it like i'm not gonna fake it when you're when you say like you know eat my whole ass are you now worried that there's gonna be some critic being like oh yeah well fuck you i'm gonna like to, like, I'm going to pan you. I'm going to crunch your shit. Put it in the paper, whatever it is. Give me zero stars, critic, and then I'll be Peter Luger, and I'll get twice as many

customers the same day that you said I suck. Yeah, that's true. They wrote shit about him in the New York Times or whatever, and then, you know, all that was due. I mean, I almost think that was divisive by Luger that was like, give us the worst review of all time. Let's go viral. Yeah, because look at how many people now are talking about it.

Rogan talking about it on his show. It's all over the news. People are lining up again to go back there. It's like no matter, I hate the phrase that no press is bad press, but at some degree, middle press is bad press, right? Like if you give you a three out of five, it's like, yeah, it was okay. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad.

That's bad. I've always said that. We looked at our iTunes stars for the first time like every other day, and it's like yeah it was okay it wasn't it wasn't good it wasn't bad that's bad i've always said that i we we looked at our uh like itunes stars for the first time like ever the other day and it was like a lot of five stars then some one stars which i get just sure i like that i like the ones that people are like three two tough two star like what that actually hurts a lot more fuck you yeah in the middle listen and gave it some thought right we're just like i like it a lot or like no i don't i hate those guys guys like well I listened and it was not that funny and I really think

the things you know it three is like a dinner my mom cooked me you know I was always like yeah no it's fine you know yeah it's like so rude

she knows it hurts her that hurts her feelings you didn't like it no it's fine yeah no I love meatloaf you know

no I do but when I say eat my ass to critics like I think critics know who I'm talking about like even smart critics know I'm talking about the guys that divisively go after people just to try to bury them because there's that one asshole whose job he whenever there's a hundred percent on tomatoes he's the

one guy who ruins it and sure he's like no one is that guy and and and and look i'm not double backing on what i said i'm sure a lot of these people are fine nice hard-working people i get it they're just trying to have a fucking job but they know in their business how many people bait and use clickbait and try to fuck up someone's namesake because it's going to earn them clicks i mean i've said this before if trump wasn't the guy that said fake news if it was obama that had coined that phrase it would be the most respected phrase today it's because a lot of america is like angry at trump so they're like ah fake news oh yeah everyone's a liar it's like yeah a lot of news is fake and a lot of news is fabricated

a friend of mine is going through some nonsense that I don't want to divulge but like he's going through some legal nonsense with his family and the newspaper's writing awful awful shit

about his family and a lot of it's just not true but how can you how could you curb that when how can you how could you beat them at the game

that they love to play like that's their they're the best at play? They're the best at it. Yeah, they're the best at it. So it's a lose-lose with most journalistic either critics or these opinion pieces on their view of you and what you're doing. At least with politics, there's some issues. When you're talking about a movie or a stand-up or whatever, it's all fucking subjective. Chappelle's special is proof it's proof that hum you know they vice tried to tried to jump on that train of shitting on him for some reason which i thought was extremely odd you know because the trash that some of the trash advice puts out is insane you're like

who are you guys that's nuts dude you you you got nine shows about mushrooms like you're the you're the creative geniuses that we all need in comedy. The Chappelle stuff was, you could tell it was all so forced because it lasted two days. If something actually is an issue, it has longer than a 48-hour shelf life. Yeah. It was like, Chappelle's problematic. And then it was like, here's our article. Here's the seven tweets we saw about it.

And then everyone's like, yeah. People are saying. People are saying. Who are the people four people yeah all my friends that are a part of any community

that he made fun of they loved his shit okay I have a lot of gay friends I have people in the LGBT community and all of them that have a sense of fucking humor enjoyed the take

because it was fun and it's comedy that's what it all comes down to a sense of humor yeah I mean you got one and you don't you know my

the guy who plays the piano at the comedy store his name is Jeff Scott he's phenomenal he's been there for years. He was like – he's openly gay and he talks all the time about when comics make fun of – when they tell gay jokes or whatever. And somebody was like, oh, does that ever get under your skin? And he's like, if we fought really hard this long to be treated as equals in society, why would I not be subjected to also being made fun of

just like anybody else? And I thought it was a billion take. I was like, yeah, that's right. He's like, I'm not saying you should be... You don't want special treatment. You shouldn't be spewing hate speech about homosexuals. You shouldn't be on stage being like, we should kill them.

But if you're making a joke about it, yeah, and most of the time, Jeff's the first guy to laugh at that stuff. Because he's like, yeah, we want it to be normalized. If you want it to be normalized in society anything why can't we all

joke about it we joke about everything else we joke about everybody else funny trumps all yeah funny is funny if it's not funny you have to also let it go that was

put it in the air of the Chappelle stuff of the Chappelle special at the end when he does like the Q&A type thing oh yeah yeah yeah he was telling the story

about the transvestite in Chicago and it was like I read an article about you normalizing hate speech because of your jokes the Q&A type thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was telling a story about the transvestite in Chicago. And it was like, I read an article about you normalizing hate speech because of your jokes. Right. Why don't they say

you normalize trans... Not transphobia, but being transvestites because of your comedy and making fun of us like that. And Chappelle was like, wow, I didn't think about it like that. And it is.

The best way to normalize something, be it homosexuality, is fucking just making jokes about it. Well, and it has think about it like that. And it is. The best way to normalize something, be it homosexuality, is fucking just making jokes about it. Well, and it has to be without ill will. Yeah, it has to be without ill will because you can always tell when someone has... I was thinking about somebody in particular. But you can always tell when somebody has material that...

Say their name. No, I don't need to associate with the person. But you can always tell when someone's doing that on purpose, when they're being a troll, and there is kind of some evil behind it. You know what I mean? If I can, Ann Coulter says stuff because she's a troll, but I think she means a lot of it. Yeah, right.

You know what I mean? Like when she says that stuff. You believe that in your heart. The Westboro Baptist Church means every single second. That ain't a joke. When they're like, God hates fags. There is no subversiveness to it. Right.

So like you can always tell even if they're making like coy stances that they think are clever or cutesy. No, they're really being assholes. There's a massive difference. And it's so obvious that if you don't see it, we don't need you around anymore. Jump off a roof. If you don't know when someone's being honest or making an obvious joke, if you can't tell the difference, then comedy is definitely not your shit. Take up anything else. You know what I mean?

This isn't going to be your saving grace of life if you can't let shit go and just feel it out, you know? I mean, it feels like it is your saving grace with this theater tour coming up. It's my favorite, dude. Yeah, dude. I'm going to be... The Red Rocket Tour.

The Red Rocket Tour. Is it true that Schaub gave you that name? I think he did, man. I think he honestly, I think he did. Well, I was on fighter um the last the second or third time i ever did it with just them two i think he was saying the red rocket uh callance called me a bunch of other different names but i don't listen to the elders but i think it was no but i think shop did i'm not really sure it came from their fan base somewhere

one way or another i didn't some guy online, oh, you can't give yourself a nickname, asshole. It's like, you think I sat around and did that? Someone did that. And also we get artists that send us in shit, like cool, dope artists. There's this group called the Comedy Content Collective. They're dope. And they send in beautiful shit to support this community. And I don't ask for it.

If they do it, I'm going to go along with it because it's fun to me. Somebody calls me the Red Rocket, it's just for fun. How fun to be able to do that. I think Chabbers might have said it. Right before the podcast I did with the girls out of here now, call her daddy. Yeah, that's right. You were on that one.

Do they do it here? Technically, yes. They're in and out. I got eaten alive for the podcast they did because they talked over each other so much. And the fan base ate me up and got yelled at me. And then, yeah, I was talking about shop because I was there. Just because you were a part of it? Yeah.

They have their fan base, whether or not it's... They're crazy, man. Yeah, they have a strong fan base, but they also have a lot of troll-y people that still follow them. Do you know what I mean? They have people that just follow them just to talk shit about what else. Which is so weird. The Daddy Gang, man. They're a fucking force.

They're huge, huh? Yeah. So that was before that. I forgot that you were on that one. That's funny. It was heavy. I actually wanted to kill Shob for that. Because I was like, you could have warned me.

Yeah. I mean, well, they also, I don't know if they've done many guest appearances. So I don't know if anybody really knew. No, we didn't. We didn't have any guest. And so it was just like him and Shob sitting like, what the fuck is going on here? It was wild. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

They were just like, ah. I feel like I was on The View with fuck, on Adderall. It was just, it was unbelievable. I couldn't keep up with half of the shit they were talking about I didn't even know And I know who they are I knew who they were I just didn't know the format that we were going to do

Yeah I had no idea We were talking last night about the new sex position They're talking about What is it? Put in a time out was it? The one Marty did I don't know if they invented it or whatever What is it? Put in a timeout, was it? That's what Marty did. Yeah. But they're talking. I don't know if they invented it or whatever.

They're inventing. Are they inventing sex positions on that show? Well, this seems true. Well, I would believe. Or popularizing at least. You put them on their knees in front of the wall or some shit like that? They have to face the wall? Wait a minute.

The girl faces the wall on all fours and faces the wall? I guess so is how it was being described. What's that called? Time out? Yeah. I mean, this guy was hooking up with one of our guys here. So this girl said, put me in time out. He was like, what the fuck?

I would really do it. I put her in time out and I leave the room. Shit. Shit. No, you don't get to go out tonight. You stay here. No more cell phone. No cell phone for a week.

You broke the rules and you know it. Daddy's mad. I talked to them about that whole thing. The word daddy gives me the creeps. The creeps. I still don't know if anybody – I mean I guess – I think you were the first person years ago. You might have had the first one ever. It was on the Blackout Tour.

Yeah. So that was 2011. And I went home with this girl. And we were in a hotel in Connecticut. And she just grabbed my head and whispered, fuck me, daddy. And I was like, I don't think I like this at all. No, I got to go. I mean, I still don't think many people do it seriously. I feel like everybody's always kind of joking about it or it's done

like in an ironic manner. It depends. I think it depends on who the subject is, right? Yeah. I mean, I guess if

you're doing like actual sugar daddy shit, that probably applies. Yeah, but that makes sense. Yeah. Or Puerto Ricans. I mean, they love that

kind of thing. Poppy, all that. Poppy's different than daddy. I don't know, dude. It means the same shit. I'm just saying, if a girl calls me poppy,

I'm like, this is great. I'm probably fucking a hot Spanish chick if she's calling me poppy. That's true, that's true, yeah. If I'm hearing daddy, it's probably just like your regular old Becky

with daddy issues, you know what I mean? Yeah, I like to be called Rojo. Rojo. El Rojo, yeah. Give me the El Rojo tag. No, yeah, I never understood that. And I asked them about it,

I think I was like, I wonder why was the, they told me the story, the background story, the name of the show. What is it? That they were joking around about, she was like, you better call her dad. She came home after a one-night stand or something like that.

I'm going to misquote it. I don't know. Look up their fucking show. They talk about it. But whatever it was, it came up naturally in conversation with one of them about calling like I'll call her daddy like all that shit and then they were saying it had double triple meaning but I don't think they know anyway I think I think I think it just caught me getting very meta with this I think I think it just caught I think it just made sense I think for them they were like this is that's so right on brand you

know totally Jordan Peele was it uh he popped in on a get-out movie class at UCLA and just sat in the back of class. And they were like, okay, now this is what he meant here. And Jordan Peele was sitting in the back of class like, fucking, I did not mean that at all. The symbolism. Oh, they were analyzing the film. I just like the color red, dude. I don't know. But if you want to give me credit, yeah, I'll start using that.

Sure, that's what I meant. That was deeper. I think that's what a lot of film is, though. Like, a lot of stuff gets interpreted by fans more so than the creators intended to have. Like, I think a lot of creators put something out. That's usually, I feel like, when you've, like, made it. Yeah, when they want to show it. When they give you credit for shit you didn't really do.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you start to pick apart everything. Every color, every sound. Tarantino is pretty good about doing everything on purpose. There's only a few guys that do things, like, time on purpose you know what I mean like big like massive filmmakers kind of have their little eggs that they Easter eggs they put in all the time but I think a lot of people don't mistake yeah a lot of people just or it's unthought of you're just like yeah yeah

it's yeah I guess yeah I guess uh you happen to wear yeah make it make it a vintage table oh and they're like oh my god you know what means? Right. It's a post-modernism era. And they get into this. These Reddit threads lose their mind. I didn't realize you were, that you're an actor. I'm an actress. I'm an actress. It's gender neutral, bro.

No, I, yeah. You know, I started acting, I don't know what, seven, eight years ago or so because it was kind of like the next level for me. Like, as I was doing stand, I started stand up, uh, 13 years ago.

And I was just like, I wanted to, you know, 36. So you kind of started, well, I guess not late, but I feel like a lot of people start,

you know, no, yeah. I was 23. I was, you know, 22, 23.

When I first started kind of getting around. Cause most people would be like, I've been doing this for 30 years. It's like, well, you're 40. Yeah. Some guys. I was like, did you start when you were like 11? Yeah. So he was born. He started, he came out of the womb with a mic in the hand. when I first started kind of getting around is that a lie because most people would be like I've been doing this for 30 years well you're 40 yeah some guys

did you start when you were like 11 yeah he was born he came out of the womb with a mic in the hand no I think some of the I love the idea

of also having other mediums to like have fun and do comedy so my goal was always to do stand up and also see if I get in comedy film

and you know it turns out comedy film is either dead or impossible to fucking get done because commercial comedy is just not – it doesn't happen anymore. You know what I mean?

So I think I missed what would have been a wave. Commercial comedy in the sense of like theater comedy, like comedy film on the big screen, there's not a lot of comedies that come out that are accessible for non-famous names, right? It used to be able to kind of get developed into the film system. Now TV is where you can go where you can get in but film is filled with famous people

you know what I mean it's like if it's gonna be a comedy and not a fucking Marvel thing you better be famous dude you better be famous famous so I feel like there was

kind of like a formula for a little while where it was like you got in with like the Seth Rogen crew or like the Will Ferrell crew and you were like you get the bit character

in the movie and then you move on. It doesn't really happen as much. There's also not that many comedies. What was the last comedy you saw? What made you think? I was like, what is he talking about?

There was comedies and now I'm thinking about it. Name one that you saw. The funniest movie I've seen is... I have no clue. I guess I've never read about that. That's proof. The burdening proof.

When somebody goes, they're still making comedies. I go, where? Which one? Tell me the one that knocked your socks off the last time you went. The Joker? Some of it was funny. When he shot him, it was hilarious. But it's just like, what was out that was a true comedy? It's difficult now.

You know what I mean? I don't think it happens anymore. Why do you think it is? Yeah, it's blowing your mind. Both of you are searching deep in the... No, why do I think it is? Because Marvel makes money. Scorsese talked about it when he was like, film is dead. He was talking about creative storytelling is dead because he's mad about what's happening. I think he's a little salty in my mind. Yeah, of course he is, dude. He's on his way out and he's sad that they're going to put up his number in the rafters. It's a bummer that when you...

Nobody wants to say goodnight. Jordan played for the Wizards. Do you know what I mean? I know. Nobody wants to say goodnight. That's so funny. If I was ever in a position, if I was ever lucky enough athletes movies whatever i would be so keenly aware of that and i would like not want to you say that you say that i also think if you

get but i also think if you're a person who gets to that level you're probably like hyper competitive and you always want more and more and more cocky because it's like when someone's like how much money do you need you're like all of it as much as you start start making money and then ask me that question again yeah you know when you go from when you go from making a standard of of living to a different standard of living only people that are at a new level would understand why people spend money ridiculously or why do you want bigger and more and better it's this it's a simple growth of life of like any some any person with any sort of capitalistic spirit, you're going to. It's natural.

That's the only movement. So it's the same way with competitiveness in sports. Those guys don't want to quit. But I also think that there's a level to, like, I think you can make more money if you don't, if you, like, manage the end of your career well. I think there's, like, more success to be had. Sure. LeBron.

So it can all be, like, I'll take a little less now or I'll stop maybe a little bit early because people are going to remember me and my legacy build this way so I can now transition into this better. But if you're one of the greats... Because if you fade out and you're a fucking loser by the end, it's like, meh.

Yeah, but if you're one of the greats, they always remember you at your best light. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. I guess that's the other thing too. It doesn't really matter. Who cares if I peter out over here because they're going to remember my prime.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I said. Like Jordan playing for the Wizards. There's a wonderful comic who used to be friends with Dean Martin and the Rack Pack. And he was talking about how nobody really remembers Dean and or Sinatra for the latter portions of their kind of waning lifestyles and careers they remember these beautiful moments right when they are these young handsome you know perfect kind of symbolic moments in time you know you don't you don't remember when they're having the down and outs you know what i mean nobody nobody really i mean because of culture they think about fat elvis but elvis for the

longest time was always regarded as elvis but the latter half of his career was miserably sad so i think if you're a legend you get to live on anyway you know what i mean like no one really cares you tweeted about the other day ken griffey was on the white socks was it it was like a team that i like completely fucking yeah griffey ever even played for yeah it was like he was on the white socks and there was someone else oh randy ma randy moss was on the san francisco 49 yeah he was a nine i remember that what was that what did that happen like gretzky played for a bunch of teams that i don't even remember it It's crazy how much you, like people know Jordan is the Wizards, but there's other greats that you, I mean, I totally fucking forgot about.

It happens all the time. I remember it was Montana on the Kansas City Chiefs. Yeah. No. Yeah. And they retire you when you retire the way you want to retire, when you are a great. But I do think it's hard. Like guys like Scorsese, it's hard to be at the end of your life and career.

He's an older guy. He can't go much longer health wise. You know what I mean? It's like how much more shit do you want to put your body through before you're like, I'm tired of doing this thing. So he was upset that the film industry kind of went to the way of superhero and all that shit. I get it.

He doesn't like it. We got to get you in those Marvel movies, bro. I don't want to do none of that shit. Come on. If Marvel came along and asked you to cut the check, you wouldn't do it? I would do anything for the money. Hell yeah. No, but it's more like, I don't know.

They don't want me in those things. I'm not good for those things. It's like I'd be out of my element. You know what I mean? Deadpool makes sense. If you were playing Chris Pratt's character. Could I have fun and be funny? You could do Star-Lord.

I don't know, man. I don't think so. If Pratt gets hit by a bus tomorrow, you could fill that role. Yeah, but he'd probably take the hit. He's a big boy. He could probably get up and walk away. He's a big kid. I don't know.

The idea is cool, but I've talked about about this before i'm not a fantasy guy so i don't really superheroes don't really mean much to me batman was the only guy i cared about when i was a kid and i'm still not but like i i go see the marvel never seen him never seen him really avengers i don't know nothing about any of that stuff i was so late on it too many famous people playing characters i don't i don't get it's too many famous people playing dress-up in comic book characters. So you don't watch Game of Thrones? Never seen one episode. What do you watch?

Intervention. No, I like a lot of documentaries. I like a lot of television series, you know? Stuff like Fleabag. I like television series. I like comedy, drama series. It's my favorite shit to watch. I definitely prefer that. I don't like documentaries. I hate documentaries. Oh, you don't? You don't like to learn? series. It's my favorite shit to watch. I definitely prefer that.

I don't like documentaries. I hate documentaries. Oh, you don't like to learn? No, it's because you're not learning. You went to Florida State. You're learning the slanted view of the producer. But that's what's fun. And then people come out and they're like, you're not going to believe.

Like, we talk about the staircase. Like, there's no way. And it's like, oh, wait, they left out the part that he fucking took out a life insurance policy on her. Like the day before he killed her. But that's why it's good because then you get to go online and research the other side of it. But so many people – A lot of people don't do that. I resent Dr. Henry's because so many people don't do that and they come up and they're like, this is what happened.

Everybody thinks they're a fucking expert. Right. One hour documentary. You're not going to eat red meat because you saw one of the things about how they kill the cows? Right. Yeah. Well, that's pretty one-sided. They do kill the fucking cows.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't care how they treat them They're delicious I listened to the first episode of Serial And I like stormed into my house Because that was probably 10 years ago I stormed into my house

I was like mom You're not going to believe what happened This kid's locked up in D.C. And he didn't kill her Blah blah blah Blah blah blah And I listened to the rest of the episodes I was like ah fuck

This guy did it He did it Yay Yay I did it I take it back mom Let's leave it alone No I like documentaries But movies wise I don't know It's hard for me to go out And see a movie I think he did it. Yeah, he did it. Yeah, he did it. Mom, I take it back, Mom. Let's leave it alone.

No, I like documentaries, but movies-wise, I don't know. It's hard for me to go out and see a movie. Unless it's – I just – Peanut Butter Falcon, I saw that. I thought that was a good movie. I'll go see stuff like that. I just – the superhero shit has never been for me. It just never really got me. It never was a thing where I'm like, God, I got to see that. I don't know.

I miss action movies a lot. Yeah. And superhero movies have become action movies. I mean, what about... But I miss cheesy... Has Fallen? Watch that last night,

a couple nights ago. No. Or Angel Has Fallen. Angel Has Fallen. I miss... Have you seen the other ones? Yeah, I've seen them on like TBS.

Those are the great action movies. I just miss old hacky action movies. I miss Jean-Claude Van Damme. I miss Schwarzenegger. I miss the shoot-em-up no reason. I action movies. I miss Jean-Claude Van Damme. I miss Schwarzenegger. I miss the shoot-em-up No Reason. I miss that.

I miss... My favorite thing in the world. John Wick was phenomenal. But again, that's not a superhero movie. That's a great action movie. But those come along only what? What is another John Wick?

I mean, they throw the rock and stuff and they do like, you know, every... But those are like kind of like too comedy-ish. You know what I mean?

Well, I mean, I'll watch all those Fast and Furious because I think watch all those fast and furious because i think they're hilarious yeah because i think they're hilarious they're they're the funniest comedy i've ever self-aware and they get into it yeah that's by the way that's the last comedy i saw but i miss yeah i miss traditional shoot them up action movies my favorite thing is how jean-claude van damme like every single movie like i don't know if i'm watching blood sport or kickboxer or you know i mean they're all the fucking same. It's the best part.

They're all good. Yeah. But I can't tell you which one's which. But that's the best part because we got, like, we also got away from, like, fun 80s, 90s storytelling, typical characters. We don't do those anymore where you're, like, the nerd in school has to get, Karate Kid has to get back at the jog. Like, I love those movies, too, but they're all kind of dead.

I mean. Well, they're just rebooting them. Yeah, but there's new intonations of them but they're not the same to me. Something was missing. You know what I mean? Like the sheen on them now

is not as fun for me. I agree. I just, there's something about the, something about those movies that don't click for me anymore. Yeah, but also, don't you think

maybe you're just getting older? Yeah, I'm becoming my dad. No, it is me. I definitely like, No, it is. I understand. I know that I'm that guy It's like I don't like new rap

Music yeah I fucking hate new rap Yeah new rap sucks And I listen to myself And I'm like I'm the old guy But fuck it I support it

I support it But it's not I'm glad that people like it I'm not gonna be like It's It doesn't deserve to be made I just Like it's just not for me

You know like I was listening My cousins showed me Shank West Do you know who Or Shank West listening. My cousins showed me Shank West. Do you know who Shank West is? Shank West? Shaq West? Is that his name? Shaq West?

Fucking Mo Bamba. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's very famous. I listened to it, and I genuinely was puzzled. I mean, that's what I feel like. I just don't get it, dude. I feel like it's like my ears and my brain.

It just is different. When I hear that noise, it's bad to me. I can't imagine that it's good to you, when I hear that noise it's bad to me I can't imagine that it's good to you but my dad years later he said the same thing about my rap yeah but they would say

but nowadays my dad would go oh yeah you know those guys were pretty poetic in nature some of the guys that like of my generation right even if my dad

didn't like the music he understood messages were cool and interesting and they talked about wordplay and punchlines well especially because they come from the 70s music which was all about

like talking about cultural revolutions and anti-war fucking ballads. So at least there was a lot of that. And I think my parents could appreciate later in life that a lot of our generation of what we liked as hip-hop was young black men speaking about their world, which is extremely unique from what other people experience. But now, like that Shaq West guy, I don't – there is no – there isn't even a little message. I want a little message. I'm rich is fine, but like also tell me other things. Right.

But I don't think that's even like – I don't think every song I said – No. Most glam ball is like that's made to just be in the club like the – Yeah. And that's like I can't – do people just listen to that in their headphones? I'm sure. I don't really listen to rap, so I don't really know. I'm sure people listen to it in their headphones. I'm sure that's like I can't Do people just listen to that In their headphones? I'm sure I don't really listen to rap So I don't really know I'm sure people listen to it

I'm sure that's like On their commute I thought that just like That's something you just Kind of put on like Before a football game I would You would think that

But But a lot of that music Is like that Yeah A lot of it is just Kind of like It's like anthem type Of like party songs

Yeah it's like Hey hey Hey hey But I don't know what is it I don't know What can I do with that I don't know Like I just It gets lost't know. What can I do with that? I don't know. It gets lost on me.

Are you getting in on TikTok? No, dude. I tried it for a little while, but it was exhausting. Again, too old. Yeah, it feels like a day job. I feel like I had to search for stuff. I was like, I don't have time for this. I feel like the kid's just like it's second nature to them where I'm like,

you got to find this effect and this song. No, I can do it. It took me like 40 fucking minutes to make a video. Instagram is my ceiling. I get Instagram. I get Twitter. But after that, TikTok is – Yeah, I'm out.

I got to cash out. There's only so many social media you can be a part of. But I know it's the shit. I know kids love it. I want it, but I can't get it. I'm like the only fucking asshole who can't get followers. I know. I should just hire a guy to TikTok me.

I think that's what you got to do. Yeah, but I won't get what he's I should just hire a guy to tick-tock me yeah yeah but I won't get what he's doing yeah I got millions of views yeah yeah they'll charge me 800 grand a year bend over this weird way and like say

like shabushka yeah it's like it's going viral bro it's going heavy viral again and they're making references a lot of those tick-tocks make references to their

ironic ironically to songs that like were popular when we were kids yeah so like for them it's a joke but for us you're like my life really like that song yeah you're mocking my existence i like blue oyster colt i don't know why you i don't know why you're shitting on it yeah that's a but that but i haven't gotten a hold of like snapchat i got away from too i like snapchat for a while because i would get boobs sometimes on the road you know that was always fun to come catch oh a couple of tits. Oh, someone texted me last night. Just came up to me like, yo, dude, look at my girlfriend. Just a naked picture of her.

He said, my ex-girlfriend, too, though. I was like, this is, that's, you can't be doing this, man. Dude, some dude after the show last night fingered my ass. Just like came up to me in the fucking, we're like. If you're watching on Gold, you gotta see his face. Yeah, are you good? I guess goose me would be the better phrase. You know, my pants were on.

I had a nice barrier in the way. But he just, right up. But just put up fucking two fingers and fucking ran. Wow. And then like. What was the response phrase. My pants were on. I had a nice barrier in the way. But he just put up fucking two fingers. Wow. What was the response? Didn't run or anything. I just turned around and he was just there. And I was like, what the fuck, man? And he's like, hey, big, big fan.

I guess so. Oh, not anymore. I guess so. Well, you can't be anymore. Yeah. Please unsubscribe, unfollow. We don't want your kind. You got a little can in the pocket there?

Oh, yeah. You look like a can guy. You do. You're out front in the cold, smapping one in. You're like, you don't got to kind. You got a little can in the pocket there? Oh, yeah. You look like a can guy. You do. You're out front in the cold, smapping one in. You're like, you don't got to go outside, man. No, I want to be with my people. They're doing it this way. I used to do that in college. I used to put dips in to get through papers when I had to write all night. Yeah, it's the best.

Yeah, it was natural Adderall. It was Adderall for people that like when it didn't really exist when I was in college. Adderall was kind of around, but it wasn't like it is now. It's not like handed out to everybody. Fucking candy. But I would just put a big chew in and just sit on my computer and just zone out for hours and go for it.

Yeah, you can get lost in another world. Triple spaced. Yeah. Yeah. Do that or DMT and write a paper and see what happens. Have you ever done that? You ever done DMT? No.

Jesus Christ. You're too lost in the Rogan world. Is that why you did it? Yeah, well, he's not why, but other people of that ilk are why I kind of tried it. I'll never do it again. It was fun.

It was something to do. Check off the list. I just don't like drugs anymore as much as I like to smoke pot and have a couple of whiskeys. And that's my ceiling. I'll do mushrooms in the desert. And I'll do cocaine if I'm in New York.

No, I keep going down the list. I'll do heroin if I'm in New York. No, I'm kidding. I keep going down the list. I'll do heroin if I'm in Boston. I'll get some opioids. No, but for me, I think I've just hit a ceiling on drugs. I used to try drugs

when I was young. Yeah, man, listen. This is all old man shit. This is all we've aged. I know. So a little bit of weed and whiskey is kind of my perfect place.

It's a good spot to be. I still have friends that do Molly. I can't really do it. I've only done Molly like twice in both times. It's a good spot to be. I still have friends that do Molly. I can't really do it. I've only done Molly twice in both times. It's wonderful. I did it on a Friday night, and I woke up on a Tuesday.

Yeah? You sure that was Molly, dude? The Cosby Mansion? I'll just go out forever. I'll be like, yeah, dude, we did it on Sunday. I'm like, I don't remember Sunday at all, man. I haven't slept in days. No, yeah, I just topped out my ceiling on drug use.

For some reason, I just, I don't have it in me to try them anymore. I'm just scared, really. Is it because the drugs weren't as bad? Drugs weren't as bad anymore? No, you can trust me. You can get them. But not get them, but like on the table. You're in the right scene.

Well, cocaine is always going to be around. Cocaine is like an old standby. You know what I mean? It's like your favorite record. Yeah, you can always play it. It's always going to be around. Cocaine's like an old standby. You know what I mean? It's like your favorite record. Yeah, you can always play it. It's always going to be there. But other stuff is you have to get it. Seek it out.

Yeah, you have to go get it. But you know how to get it. But I just think like I don't know. I just get scared. Stories, I scare me. I don't like pills. I don't like the idea of pills really. I don't care for pills.

So a lot of people like pills and it's not really my shit because I want to know what's going in. Mushrooms, I can see it. Weed, I know what it is. You know what my shit because I want to know what's going in. Mushrooms, I can see it. Wheat, I know what it is. You know what I mean? I like to know what I'm ingesting. But a pill, it's like I don't want to take a mystery ride. I like control.

I like to be controlled. With the disinfectant all going around and shit? It's crazy. Fuck that. Yeah, people die from that shit. I want to have a controlled chaos. I want to have fun but also I want to know the train is also going to come to an end. That's the whiskey. That's where I like to live in that world. My favorite. Yeah. You know the train is also going to come to an end that's the whiskey

that's where i like to live in that my favorite yeah you know how you know the cycle you know how it works you know what you're expecting and i know how many i like to have as many as i can it's terrible it's terrible so all right the uh the tour is when was the kickoff uh in januar january uh of 2020 um we're it's all posted up we, the tickets were on presale. Now they're all on sale. The Red Rocket Tour, I'm going, God, dude, I wish I knew. I'm so dumb, but my team knows. The people that I work with are phenomenal.

You're going everywhere, right? Yeah, I'm doing like 20, I want to say 20 spots, maybe 22 spots. But yeah, like, and East Coast people are mad at me because they're like, there's fucking barely any East Coast dates.

I'm like, dude, we're working on it. It adds as we go. It's not like it's shut down forever yeah but we just happen to start with you like seattle and portland and um philly just got put on there boston's gonna get put on there new york will be at the at the at the end of next year in the fall i think but we're doing two two chunks i'm doing beginning of the year and then taking off for the summer because i want to go vacation for a little bit dude i deserve I deserve it. But yeah, I'm tired of traveling. At some point you're like, I need to travel

just to not travel anymore. So, but yeah, the Red Rocket Tour, go to andresantino.com. You can see all my dates are on there. They're lined up. And I don't know, I'm trying to go to as many places as I can

that I've never been to, which is fun for me or never played so I can get that audience that's always been like, how come you never fucking come through here? So I'm trying to do that and return to places that I love so it's about I'm figure I'm figuring it out as I go but it's my first small theater tour so I hope uh buy some

tickets dude come out and buy some fucking tickets go see come out man come see the cheeto baby thanks thank you brother look at what you see in her face Look at what you see In her face The mirror of your dreams Make believe I'm everywhere Give it in the light

Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story. Ah, reach the stars. Lie a fantasy. Dream a dream. And what you see will be. Run the kingdom, secrets real. And what you see will be Climbing in their sacred sphere I'm pulled behind my clouds

And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never-ending story Story Soaring high Soaring high you you