KFC Radio - The Rocket's Mental Breakdown, Crying In Baseball, The King is Done

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

Jared has a mental breakdown, King Felix is done in Seattle and no one cares, should LilWayne retire? The porn gang gets together. What's it like being the ugly identical twin? Can you be a pro athelete and vegan?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We're back. We're talking a little men versus women, a little Venus and Mars, stereotypes and gender norms and hyper-masculinity versus hyper-sexualized, submissive girls. Before we do all that, though, Kevin, I need to tell you about a mental breakdown that I had over the weekend that I need you to talk me off the ledge.

Please do. I'm the guy who's going to talk you right over. Hang on the line for a minute if you're calling. Jared's got to get this off his chest. I told Casey about this already. You did? Yeah, I need to talk to one of the dogs. I don't remember you telling me about a mental breakdown that you had. Yeah, I did on Saturday.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, yeah. So, out of all my best friends from home, the last one just got engaged. The last man standing. I'm the last one. Do you know what I call you?

The smartest guy in the world. That's what I tried to say, too. Bro, I seriously mean that. Continue, but I mean, that's my take. Well, I just think it's, too. Bro, I seriously mean that. Continue, but I mean, that's my take. Well, I just think it's ironic because, like, growing up, like, I was always the relationship guy, and they were, like, the single fuckboys. Yep. And now they're all, like, married little bitch boys. Right.

And I feel like, I don't know, I just feel, I feel behind in life, but I shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. I shouldn't, but I do. First of all, life is just getting longer and longer and longer right yeah so like in theory yeah it's like all right we have like all these like new medicines and foods but like i'm still eating fucking taco bell like five times a week i definitely think that even just forget about like literal life expectancy just like the way life goes now yeah it's all stretched out it's all the new 30 it really is like as far as like

your career especially in our in our field of work yeah like other people probably by this age are kind of at where they're at they're with the company they're with sure you're gonna like hopefully rise raise you know rise the ranks in your place whatever but like the the world is your oyster right now you might end up on tv you might end up writing another book you might end up doing whatever you know so I think that like you have a unique opportunity more so than let's call it the quote unquote average person where you would

maybe be cutting that short if you were to focus on family life. Yeah. So you have that going. I also think now listen if your friends were fuck boys and running around and they were fucking chicks and running around and they they were fucking chicks and partying and having stories and got all that out of the system and now they found the right

girl and they settled down like that to me is the perfect life that's great as long as when you get married i think that like you have to be super honest with yourself and be like have you really gotten it all out of your system because i think that there are plenty of times where you're like all right you know your late 20s maybe early 30s and you're like i've been partying a lot i'm done but it's like are you really done yeah and it's not even just necessarily partying are you done just being like able to be like i'm gonna go on a i'm gonna go on a trip i'm gonna go out on a whim i'm gonna go out tonight i'm gonna stay in tonight i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that i'm gonna fuck this i'm gonna fuck that whatever like just the freedom you may be like oh i don't need to party anymore have sex

anymore but you're gonna you're gonna want that freedom yeah so i think that right now you're thinking about like that looks nice but the minute it's grass is always greener the minute you don't have that freedom you're gonna be going uh thirdly or fourthly wherever out here your friends are all just getting engaged yeah okay give it a little bit of time because right now it all seems gravy they're happy they're in love they did it they think it's a good thing. Unfortunately, statistically speaking, a handful of those are probably going to go very south. Yeah. Not, you know, hopefully not.

Maybe your group of friends are the ones that buck the trend, but chances are a couple of them are going to end in disaster. And you can look at that to be like, well, when you guys got engaged, I was kind of upset. But boy, I wish, wish you know i'm happy i didn't go through all that i got a friend who was like last man standing he just moved in with his girl now he's probably been with his girl longer than anybody in our crew has been with theirs and uh he hasn't proposed and he's going to eventually and we all gave him like so much shit and now i'm the one who's like you know you're a smart man and it's got to be the right girl like if if your girl is like desperately looking to settle down and get the ring and have a family and you're just like stringing her along then you're an

asshole but if you're like on the same page there's just no rush like the difference between getting married at 30 and 36 no one's gonna fucking know yeah it's not like they're gonna be like oh my god this guy's unless you want kids now the biological clock can kind of be an issue but even that is like it's not as crazy as people i think make it out to be i just i think that there's some rush to do all this shit within like a four or five year period that if it's in like a six or seven year period, that's not going to be a big difference in the long run. But two or three more years of you being like exactly what you want to be is going to be big in the long run. Yeah.

I don't think I have a biological clock or it's just broken. And I'm not just saying that because it's like, I want to be cool. All of my girlfriends are engaged or married except for like a couple in the city. I couldn't give a shit less. Well, but wait, there's, I mean, there's like a literal biological clock where it's like i want to be cool all my girlfriends are engaged or married except for like a couple in the city i couldn't give a shit less well but wait there's i mean there's like a literal biological clock where it's like hard to have kids as you're older well right but then there's also like the biological clock where like they always say like you start thinking like oh i need to start having kids i need to start having kids i don't have that well i think that's like modern i think that's like you're a career woman i think that part of it is a little bit like innate and

i'm speaking just with no fucking basis here but i'm sure think that part of it is a little bit like innate and I'm speaking just with no fucking basis here, but I'm sure that the part of it is kind of primal and like DNA where it's like you're supposed to procreate and you're supposed to carry kids and all that shit. But I think part of it is like social pressures. And if you're what you're doing with your life, fun wise and career wise, all that shit makes you happier than that pressure. It's almost like going out. It's like, I don't feel the pressure to go out anymore i'm just like i'm happy to stay in yeah it's the

same things like i'm happy to have my career i'm happy to to do what i'm doing versus what you're doing like i have girlfriends who get upset every time another one of their friends gets engaged because they're like oh like i'm not even in a serious relationship i'm not even doing that but so like you know i think there's two different things there. It's like, are they at home being like, I wish I found my person. I wish I had like a companion in life that I can share all these things with. Or are they like, I, it looks bad. I think both. Yeah.

Like if you, if you're viewed as like, I'm this spinster who can't hold down a man. Are you upset because you don't have the companionship or are you upset because you you're embarrassed because of social pressures or those are two very different things i think there's probably somewhere in the middle i think like what i think you see with like girls that are my age like late 20s early 30s that really want to be married and have kids it's a mixture of both it's like they're embarrassed that they're 29 30 years old and they're not but then they also just want the companionship but it's also comes down to it's like every single time a new girl gets engaged or gets married it's like everybody's like jealous of it it's like yo who cares like it's their life but at the same time at a certain age girls start thinking that it's like a sad thing that they're not definitely oh i don't have i just don't have

that start thinking it's them like is it my fault why like why doesn't the guy who stay with me but when in reality it's like you just haven't again like you haven't met your person and you're trying to do it all within this like i have to do it between like 28 and 32 or whatever your fucking you know whatever your fake made-up construct is like if you find that guy when you're 30 or 34 it's really not when you're fucking 80 and you guys are about to die no one's thinking it back to like that four-year gap how old were your parents when they got married they were pretty young i mean that's the other thing too i mean it just is continually you know what my i think my parents were like 25 and 6 or something like that like if someone gets married when they're 25 now at least in in this region

it's like what the fuck are you doing and they were 79 so like my parents got married in the 80s and they were in their 30s like they and they and they were like, see, that's crazy. My mom was like 32. My dad was like 33. They were like late to the game. Yeah. But like, I think I was raised to think that that was normal because there's just like whatever.

It's funny. The same guy I was describing his parents, I think they were like 38. Yeah. And they, and they like were together. They were in a relationship, but they had a blast like traveling together and doing all this shit and didn't like settle it all down until later. And that's because that's when you're truly ready to like actually settle. I had a girlfriend tell me this morning, actually, she's 31 years old and she has said she doesn't think that she can have good sex anymore

because at our age, everybody has already found their forever person in their hall having the good sex. I was like, yo, that is. Girls are crazy. Say that again. By the way, even just saying like their forever person. Shut the fuck up. Say that again. I'm trying to follow along here. Okay.

She had really bad sex. Yeah. And she said, she was like, why is everybody that I have sex with now garbage? And I was like, well, I don't know. Like maybe you're like fucking around with the wrong dudes. And she was like, no. She's like, I think it's because at this age everybody has already found their forever person that they're having sex with.

So they're all out having great sex. It's all the losers. And all the losers are left over. And I was like, you're 31. We can't be thinking that way. She could easily just bang a 24-year-old. That's true, too. She's talking about chemistry and shit. A 24 year old is not going to be her forever person.

Obviously she was being over dramatic because she just had a really shitty night. That guy couldn't get his dick hard and couldn't last long or whatever it is. It's not the fucking forever person chemistry. The problem is that is an actual thought. It's like oh my god I'm in my early 30s. That's like programming.

Movies and tv and shit is programmed you think that and it's like good that you shouldn't have that other people need to not have that i also work in this office and i mean nobody in this office is normal kevin well i think that as crazy as we are as fucked up as we are in a lot of ways maybe we're a little more tuned into kind of reality you know for sure laney from Toronto, what do you got on guys versus girls? Yeah, so more on the sex than the marriage conversation. But to Casey's point, like the problem with the whole argument

that it's like, well, the girls, like they say they just want to hook up and that's totally okay. It totally is. But like girls have figured out that that's just a way to get guys' attention. So like nine out of 10 girls who say's just a way to get guys attention so like nine out of ten girls who say that are just trying to get the attention which really don't mean it

right the one girl yeah exactly and that's what i'm saying is like like who actually means it everyone just thinks she's like doing the crazy thing right now and i would but i would tell you that like you know maybe you are supremely confident that you are the the one out of ten that's that's real but i bet all the other nine would swear by it up and down too when it's probably everybody is somewhere kind of in the middle of like like i don't think that i think that very few people men or women truly genuinely are like i just want to fuck and like don't care who it is i just want it every night. Different person.

Good, bad, big, small, old, young, black, white, whatever. I just want to fuck. I think everybody has some motivation is like a connection and chemistry and all that kind of shit. And I think that it's rare that either side are really truly just trying to fuck. Daisy? I don't know really truly just trying to fuck. Daisy? I was going to ask Lainey. So I have girlfriends who say, oh, she hung up.

Okay. Well, there are girls and I completely agree with her. There are so many girls that are like, I'm not going to catch feelings. I'm going to do this. They actually believe

that they are not going to. Then there are girls that are saying that just for the attention. And then on the opposite side, there are girls that are like, I know if to do this. They actually believe that they are not going to. Then there are girls that are saying that just for the attention. And then on the opposite side, there are girls that are like, I know if I do this, I'm going to catch feelings and the guys will still do it. Like, yeah, there are girls. I will say that. Like, listen, I know if this happens, I will catch feelings for you.

And the guy's like, oh, they call your bluff. And then it happens. So it's like girls are kind of like spread. Oh, I feel like if a girl told me she's going to catch i would not call her bluff but yes you are no i might do it and be like this is stupid she's gonna catch feelings yeah and then we're gonna be in a mess but that's calling i would never be like that's calling her bluff i just don't think it's a bluff well but it is though because if she's saying to you like if i have sex with you i'm gonna catch feelings for you uh-huh and you don't want to catch feelings for her and you sleep with her you're basically

hoping that she's just making that up right Right, but I would never do that. I would assume that girls who tell me they're not going to catch feelings are going to catch feelings. So girls who tell me they are going to catch feelings, I definitely think they're going to catch feelings. Well, then you're smart. Right, but I also am stupid in the sense that I would be like, but I still want to have sex with you, so I might do it.

But then you're just putting yourself into the situation where you know she's going to catch feelings for you. God damn right. I'm not saying it's smart like that grows sometimes if there's a super hot girl and she's like i'll have sex with you right now but like it might get messy right i'm not gonna have the fucking control or foresight to be like all right okay let's not do it then right but then when she does follow through on those things you can't then be like oh well agreed now i might just or it's just gonna be a fucking fight and a mess but i'm just saying i would love to for all men to be like smart about

that but i think that in the heat of the moment we're probably going to be like well we'll deal with that we'll cross that bridge when we get there right we'll cross the feelings bridge when we are at the feeling you're just gonna roll the dice kevin sometimes you're rolling but you're not rolling the dice if somebody says definitively i'm going to catch you're gonna roll the dice but you're not rolling the dice if somebody says definitively i'm going to catch you're rolling the dice well once you catch feelings maybe we can just like break this off and like i'll be done with it you know i guess it's not i i think that if a girl is self-aware enough and then like vocalizes it that you should definitely heed those world words but sometimes it's just like a situation where you can't say it.

It's like, I feel like I owe it to myself to see this through. Well, you know what else is the problem too is I think that sex and chemistry is a huge part of figuring out if you like someone or not. Yeah. So when someone's like, I don't want to do this, it's like, well, are we either? But I might like you, but i'm not sure yet until we've experienced everything and then let's say we have sex and it's not good now it looks like i'm just like hit it and quit it when in reality it's like i liked you i wanted to see

where it went turns out we're not that compatible i think that that if you, for girls, and maybe again, it's an age thing. Like, like Laney was saying, some girls just don't know what they want and then they get into it and it's all fucked over. But at the same time, it's like,

I think adults can go into it and say, listen, like we don't know where this is going to go. If the sex is bad, it's probably bad for both people. Agreed. So then it's like, okay,

if the sex was bad for both people, then what are we doing? We should both. Yeah. Then it's like very rarely. Okay. So that's where i think like a stereotype comes in where a guy can just cut his loss and it's like i don't care that there's like another body on my count like whatever where i think a girl might feel pressure to like make it work because it's like well now this is like one more person i've had sex with and a guy that i have sex with i should

have a relationship with rather than just cutting bait and being like it wasn't good for either of us that like doesn't even count. I know that shit. Yeah, no, that I think that that's probably accurate, but I also think that like the more modern way of looking at it is because like I don't know anybody that has like a body that keeps their body counted 30 years old. I bet you there are still

girls who I just personally like I don't like none of my girlfriends. I mean, there are girls who love going back to the well because it just doesn't add another number and whether that's literally like the number or just like the i don't have to like get to know another guy this is like say that's different you know like that's different i think that's like part of the idea of like adding another body while yes maybe you don't want to have that that number be higher i think it's more like you know i can i can i know i can have sex with this guy i know what it's gonna be to be like. I know who he is.

Sometimes it's not the same. No, it's definitely not. Sometimes it's the moment and the timing and all that. Sometimes it's just not the same. There's this comedian I follow on Instagram. Her name is Liz Miele. M-I-E-L-E. Is she the one that got mad at us for the gift cards?

Isn't that her? I hope not. I'm pretty sure it is is it is it wasn't it that name sounds familiar it's not oh i thought it was no i just stumbled on this girl that name sounded familiar she seems like a funny comedian i can't imagine she would be like anti barstool but i don't know no no i don't think the the girl that got mad at us was an anti barstool the girl that mad at us was because we stole her quote. And I put that in air quotes.

Stole her song. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not the same girl? Yeah, no, no. I know who you're talking about. Yeah, it's not. It is a similar name, too, though. I get it.

This girl, just like a regular comedian. And I just saw her a bit she had yesterday on Instagram. She was like, she's like 31 and single. She was like, nobody told me that when you're a 31 year old female and you're single, like you're just, you just want to fuck everybody. You're just like wildly horny. She's like, I, you know, guys were like that when they were 15 and I wasn't. And now I am when I'm 30 and I'm like, what the fuck do I do here?

Like I, I want to, she was like, I was on the train. I want to fuck every guy on this train. And like, you're not quote unquote supposed to, or you shouldn't or whatever. And it's like, yeah, that's not in the fucking, you don't learn that in like in health class when you're not quote unquote supposed to or you shouldn't or whatever and it's like yeah that's not in the fucking you don't learn that in like in health class when you're fucking 15 like yeah in 15 years you're gonna want to just like you want dick everywhere yeah you know what else is like has changed like when i talk to my girlfriends i feel like i'm like living in a sex in the city episode and i feel very old when i talk about this like oh when you get older but

it's like you're programmed to think that guys always want to have sex it's like constant constant constant and then your age we're like we've been jerking off for 15 years my dick has a finite number in there yeah and then you get like older and you're like no the girls are the ones are like let's go let's like come on and it's like they don't teach you that growing up they don't say hey when you hit a certain age and then and then you you guys finally get a taste of rejection and you're freaking out about it it's like no i just i'll want to have sex tomorrow i just want to have sex right now yeah whereas like that's what we were doing all through the 20s where it's like please come home and have sex with me and you say no it's just it's bullshit yeah guys are supposed to be like you know horny fucking machines yeah especially once you're in a relationship and you're like all right like i've seen your asshole

plenty of times eventually it's i mean I mean, every, it's very, and I guess I'm coming from a very jaded perspective, but like I don't think anybody keeps the spark for more than, you know, a finite amount of time. I think eventually it's just like, I don't know. I feel like it's different kind of spark. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm saying like the, that I think you have to work at it. I think you find other things that you like and you recreate like the setting and the feeling. But that initial feeling, that honeymoon phase where you're like, we're going to fuck each other all over the place. And I'm happy to see you every single time. And I'm going to like blow off work to hang out with you and do reckless shit.

That, I mean, that's just human nature fades. It's like, I've seen this show before. I don't, I'm not excited for every episode. But it's also like, even just friendships and relationships, like they change. It's like when you first become friends with. I don't I'm not excited for every episode. But it's also like even just friendships and relationships like they change. It's like when you first become friends with somebody, you're like every single night like, hey, let's go out. I mean, food like I eat this every single day. Eventually you get sick of it. I watch this TV show.

Eventually it's everything. But then it's like you have like with like your best friends. You've been friends with forever, like your guys that you've known forever and ever and ever. It's just like a more mature, definitely. But like those moments with those guys were like, hey, remember that time we were St. Patrick's Day? We went out and killed. It's just like a more mature, better relationship. But those moments with those guys were like, hey, remember that time we were at St. Patrick's Day? We went out and killed it. Let's go do that. You do it, it's like, it's not the same as it was

when we first started, you know? When we come back, we're going to get back to Jared. Because I can see it in your eyes. You're still fretting about this. I'm sad. I'm going to convince you that it's okay, bro. You sure? It's not your fault. Good will hunting this shit. Back sure? It's not your fault. We're going to, we're good with hunting this shit. We're out to the break at hour number two.

Listen, you got some friends rolling with you, baby, didn't let's go. And you can leave them with my homies, let them know that I got you. If you didn't know, you're the only thing that's on my mind. If you got health concerns, you owe it to yourself to see what CBD can do for you. I got all, every single health concern there is. I got stress. I got anxiety. I got chronic pain.

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Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Oh, yeah, man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that. How long you been back, man? Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

I see the girls in the club, they're getting wild. Real quick, before we get into the show, if you talk to me about jersey sales, I don't fucking care. I'm just getting flooded right now on my Twitter right now because they announced that Aaron Judge sold the most jerseys. I don't fucking care about the four-year-old Yankee fan who gets a jersey and stupid shit like that. If you think that that defines a city and a player and who dominates a town athletically, you're a fucking moron. So save your tweets for someone else. I don't give a shit. Also, the Yankees are always going to have the highest selling jerseys.

And he's the best player on the Yankees. The pinstripes, yada, yada, yada. In this town, for the people who know, it's going to be Pete Alonso. It's CCK. It's KC. Fights is in. I don't even know where Jared is. What's he doing? I think he's in Boston. I think Sox closed out the season at home this weekend, I believe.

Well, right, but I mean... They're cunseled. They're done. They're done. He's crazy. I mean, I actually really respect that he will just never relent so that at the end of the day, at the end of his career, people will be like, this dude never, ever, ever missed. But he can't really care right now,

can he? No. Those guys are twins, right? They have to be. They have to be. I mean, and they're dressed like twins, too. I bet you those guys are like billionaires. They're like coders or something. Those two guys walking through Barstool HQ right now.

They've got the Mark Zuckerberg look to them. How funny is it that the one brother... Did you see that wave? That was like a robot wave. He just gave a quick like... Elon Musk. Isn't it funny that the one brother... I'm going to stop talking about those guys because they're probably buying the company or something he had like a fade and the other one

didn't isn't that weird if you're a twin identical twin and your brother or your sister has a drastically different like style than you doesn't that mean that when they look at you they're like you're fucking that's terrible like your haircut's terrible yes you know what i mean they're like i know how to look like you and way better. Yeah. If I could, I could look like you and I definitely don't want to. Do you think that they fight over who is the better looking one though? Because obviously they both think that or they wouldn't have the style. You think if you had an identical twin, you'd be like, no, this is the way you should dress.

Well, definitely style-wise. Looks-wise, if you're truly identical, you'd probably be like, we're both good-looking. But your hair and all that stuff. Maybe one of them has scruff. Maybe one of them doesn't. You start really getting into the specifics. Yeah, when you get into the specifics of it, you're the ugly identical twin. Oh, that's a tough one. Twins are so weird.

I feel like John would purposely be the weird identical twin. What the fuck does that mean? I just feel like that's what she would do. But if there was a John twin and he dressed bad, would you be like, dude, you're giving us a bad look? No. Like you're bad for the brand. But it'd be good for his brand. I don't know this person. But like you'd be around

all the time. He looks just like you. You have to know him. If we went somewhere and I was dressed like a schlep and we walk into a nice place, you'd be like kind of embarrassed, right? Well, now imagine if I was your fucking blood and your matching dna you'd be like come on man uh you know what i have for some reason i think i'd be okay with it where i think it does elevate you it's like hanging out with like ugly people like i'm hanging out with like the ugly version of me so just think

about how hot i am right right yeah if you're like that's what he could look like and this is what he does look like okay yeah especially like the twin put on a little bit more weight than you and you look like you're better shape you have a fat twin that's tough that's i mean that's probably not i've never seen that i mean you know if you're because fat really is a lot of genetics like truly fat so you're probably never gonna have that right yeah i mean no because people let themselves go right but like like what if what if your twin's just like a lazy piece of shit yeah like if there was a twin of me that was motivated he would be shredded but i'm not gonna be fat oh yeah i'm skinny fat we're not talking about we're like picking between like fat and obese

yeah yeah like if you had like a twin who was like super into crossfit and was jacked and like had you know like a ripped up body you're fat, but you wouldn't be in shape and compared to him. Whatever. Girls like dad bod, man. Fuck the hot twin. Girls don't like dad bods. Nope.

They're such liars. My girls don't like dad bods. Stupidest thing that's ever happened. Like dumbest trend ever. I do think that we've talked about this on the show before. There's a difference between like a dad bod and gross and gross. But there's also like the guys are like super, super shredded. Like that's also different than a guy that's just in good shape.

Like I don't want a dude that like can't drink because he's so shredded up because he's like worried he's going to like gain a little tiny bit of weight. Like I don't want that. No, I don't want that. This is what girls always say is what they what they don't like about the body is the lifestyle that goes with it not the actual body girls always say like i want a guy who can drink i don't want a guy who's gonna eat a salad when i'm eating i want a guy who's not like worried blah blah but it's like that's not the body you're talking about his choices that go around the body yeah but there is too there is too much though like i don't want like a body builder body like the really big jacked guys like if you're talking about like a six-pack

biceps triceps and like popping calves yeah like say if danny amandola looks the way he did like yeah no one's complaining about that but that's yeah that's that video he did when he was mad that uh well who was it that he was mad at olivia coppola. Yeah, but what did he do when he was purposely showing off his abs? Zed. Zed's dead. Zed's dead. What a fucking loser. No one's complaining about that.

What a fucking loser move that was. It's real tough to be like... He won a Super Bowl, right? He was around for one. Danny? Yeah. He's a Super Bowl champion. Dated Miss Universe.

Almost impossible, you would think, to have a moment where average people would be like what a loser move he did it he like crumbled on social media he did it you know i mean julian edelman i don't think it was that big a deal though at the time it was even at the time i don't think it was the news of the day i was just like that was weird but it wasn't like it's almost worse though no i think that there are a lot of people i mean julian was like writing on his instagram post yeah you gotta stop dude you gotta stop dude he was losing his shit on social media that long caption where he was like the sex was crazy and all that

you can't do that I don't know how he started talking about this although I do love that I was going to say I'm writing a blog right now I spaced out for two sentences I came back and I was like we're on from twins we're talking about dating if you are going to have a,

an Instagram meltdown about miss universe, make sure you slip in that the sex is crazy. Oh, for sure. That's I mean, I'm sure she, that's okay. Well,

it'd be way worse if she, if he was like, the sex was garbage. Imagine that. Imagine if he was just like, yeah, you're trash. Olivia,

petty, petty, petty. Uh, we just had a moment here at Barstool HQ. I'm going to put it top 10, top 10, 10 praise.

When you think about the people involved, the length of this, like how long this joke has been running for ranging from trill, Tyler to YP to Phoenix Marie and Jordy El Pollo Nino. If you don't know who these people are, don't Google them right now. Definitely not right now. No,

no, no, no. Get on your phone under the desk and Google Phoenix Marie and Jordi El Pollo Nino. If you've ever been on Pornhub. Wait, he was here too? Oh, yeah. He was here.

Oh, I know. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Zah. I really feel so bad. There's like a certain like there's like a porn gang here and Zah's in it. And I just spaced out and didn't let him know because I was so focused on YP. Brazzers came through today. Bella Danger came back. She did answer the Internet internet again she's the queen of answering the internet

her answers are phenomenally compelling it's unbelievable every answer she gives it like that was fantastic yeah is this one gonna top her first one um use wise i mean it's hard to talk it really is hard but like she did just as well she did she delivered just as good of a performance. So whether or not she promotes it enough or it hits the YouTube algorithm, there's no reason content-wise why it should be any less. But, you know, things hit and things don't hit. Throw it on Pornhub, Kevin. It's on Pornhub. The first one.

I mean the new one. The first one's on Pornhub. 300,000 views on Pornhub with a lot of comments being like, what the fuck is this? I want to watch porn. So she came back. She did that. Phoenix Marie also came through. Phoenix Marie is a lot of comments being like, what the fuck is this? I want to watch porn. So she came back. She did that. Phoenix Marie also came through.

Phoenix Marie is a legend of the game. She is now into like MILF porn because she's a little bit older, but she is a blonde with a big ass. Am I right, Zaza? Right up Zaza. Pog to the max and there is a a gif on youtube on porn hub of like a pop-up ad a banner ad on the side of her and this guy geordie el poyo nino who is probably what five foot nothing yeah five three i think i think that was a cut off yeah well yeah phoenix said like what's this was the question like what's the smallest guy you'd fuck that she she was like five feet. Actually, how tall is Jordy? Five, three, five, three.

So he's five, three, probably a buck ten. Right. He is tiny. And this porn they shot a long time ago, which is now lived on forever in perpetuity because it's banner ads on Pornhub are her like lifting him up. Reverse 69ing him sitting on her shoulders, him doing this like Superman doggy style thing. And this dude looks exactly like YP and at least did at the time. YP's got a little more years on him now. He's got a beard on him. And so Tyler and Coley for years have been tweeting out pictures of it saying damn yp's a wild boy look at yp moonlighting who knew yp had a second career who's yp stunt double all this shit so for

years we've been making fun of yp saying he's this little tiny like porn star with a hammer dick by the way that gets lifted up in the air so we we find out that Brazzers is around and in town today and come through. And they're both together. So they're in there doing – first of all, it was – Jordy was doing Answer the Internet. Jordy does not speak English. How did that work out? Not well. Did you have a translator?

Nope. It was the most awkward moment of my life. How did you ask the question? He has like – you can read it. He can broken English, but he wanted to give answers in Spanish. Why did you not bring like Liz in there? By the time I got going, I was going to go get Liz, but it takes Liz an hour to get across the office. And by the time we got in there, it was like, she's not going to make it back.

There's a hold up Google Translate on your phone. So I'm like, whatever we just like, I'm waiting for Phoenix to show up and I got to get them two together and I got to get YP photo op. So we're going to suffer through this for the opportunity. She comes in. She's awesome. She's like personality, answering questions, cracking jokes,

totally self-aware. And we, I got, I bring YP over now over now yp had no idea i figured he knew i just think i thought he knew that they were coming to the office so and so did frankie so frankie was like oh i'll need i said yp come with me and he's like oh el nino's here otherwise yp would have been completely he had no idea surprised imagine if i had been like come with me i gotta show you something and i opened up the door to the green screen room and it's those surprised. He had no idea. Imagine if I had been like, come with me, I gotta show you something. And I opened up the door to the green screen room and it's those two and he had no clue. I know. He said he still was like,

this is so weird. But I legit think he would have like fallen over. I think he would have like ran away like during a magic trick. Like he would have been that would actually be truly like the last thing you'd ever expect to walk into a room on yes so i don't i mean these days porn stars just walk through here all the time but to think that both

of them he's made who's been the butt of the joke for so long so he's like looking at him and it's the spider-man meme these two guys like and and and jordy doesn't really talk so yp's like hey man and he's just like super super awkward i don't think yp ever realized during the interview that he didn't speak english not interview but during the interaction so he can read english yeah and he can like kind of like speak it but you know not give his answer i think his i would think his english is comparable to my spanish yeah like if you gave me like answer the internet cards i could yeah get you the gist of what it says and i could probably answer in english yeah but i couldn't speak in spanish yeah so we don't even know if his answers were any good

it doesn't matter his answers are not with the you know like we actually it was really funny because one of the one of the questions is if you could only do only choose one one category category of porn for the rest of your life, what would you choose? And he was like saying things, saying things and he kind of just paused and goes, memes. And we just, the whole room lost it. It was very funny. Spoke for like 30 seconds in Spanish

and we're like, I don't know what this guy is saying. Memes. So YP is in the room and Phoenix Marie is marie is like as much as we've been joking about it this this infamous scene i didn't know if they realized how much it's talked about and joked about she tells me that when she goes to porn conventions that guys will just run at her and jump like dirty dancing style. They just run and jump unexpected

unannounced. She's in seven inch heels. Seven inches. Seven inches. Which would put her at six five. She said six two. Six two six three. So she's my height in real like without heels on? No. She's not. She's

she wasn't very tall. Yeah. So she was I mean I'm five eight. Yeah. She wasn't as tall as Yeah. So she was... I mean, I'm 5'8". Yeah, she wasn't as tall as you. I was just thinking. You think so? Yeah. Okay. Alright. Yeah. 7-inch heels. I mean, that puts me at... Yeah, she was like 6'2", 6'3". So that would be 5'8". Yeah, 6'3".

So... Damn. But I mean, you gotta be a real fucking weirdo to just run at someone and jump yeah and he would catch them and then they would always go i knew you would catch me okay it's like jesus christ i'm gonna scale i mean no obviously porn stars are going to porn conventions but random people going to porn conventions are probably already weirdos but like they're also probably not tiny and like i think i think though i think porn's gone mainstream

enough that the stigma is gone i'm like I might go check out the thing they're hitting a pop-up shop's different than a convention if you go to a porn trade show you're a weirdo the pop-up shops, I don't know about the browser one, I haven't seen that the pop-up one's kind of cool it's like music and art it's just like culture with sex

it's like going to doing something with comic books is different than actually going and immersing yourself in comic a comic con's not just weirdos yeah that's gone there are weirdos there but there are plenty of normal people at comic con i don't think porn's done that yet though i was at pet con last year and comic con was right next door and i did not see very many normal people but then again i was also at pet con yeah so you're a fucking weirdo yeah i went to go cry over a dog of course i'm a weirdo total lunatic absolute lunatic so they're talking i mean obviously this picture and this scene is just as much you know a story for them as it is for us joking about it so i'm

like yp you gotta you gotta take a picture like oh no and he was so so hesitant i was like come on and she's mad cool she's like hop on my back i'll give you a piggyback ride right now and he was so, so hesitant. I was like, come on. And she's mad cool. She's like, hop on my back. I'll give you a piggyback ride right now. And he was like, I can't. I got to think. I got to think like steps ahead here. Like I can't do it.

And so he's like adamantly about not doing it. And I'm sitting here thinking like, this has to happen. I fucking sat through this Spanish ATI. So we have to make this happen. So I'm like, if I do it, will you do it? And he says yes. So I just hopped up on her back. I just got a piggyback ride.

She had seven and shields on? No, no, no. She was dressed normal and everything. So I just hopped on, got myself a piggyback ride, and then she did like a scoop-up picture with YP carry like the way you would carry a bride over the the fucking threshold oh he tried to get me to do it too and like i was like no and i the reason i'm saying i was like i would hurt her it's would you if you were smaller would you have hopped on oh small absolutely like i like i was just doing i was doing it to be polite to her yeah it was like like she said

like 180 is like her limit 150 is her limit, like she said, like 180 is like her limit. 150 is her limit. Oh wow. She said in porn is 150 is her limit. And which is a hilarious like thing to have. Yeah. Like you put on your stats, you'll have like guys like get on a scale and be like,

no, you're 157. Like I'm not doing it with you. And she, why he was like, all right, if John does it, I'll do it.

I was like, dude, I weigh 75 pounds over her limit. I, I am, I am not that going to put this woman through this just just get up there you little fucking dude and let's take the picture with her well i mean there's no way yp is under a buck no no he's he's 180 so but like what i mean she's talking about like fucking she picks people up on their shoulders and shit. I'll say this. I'm like 185 and she didn't budge an inch.

I hopped on her back and she was just like, I got this. No problem. She can carry some weight. I need to see these pictures. Yeah, they're very funny. Are they on the internet yet? I don't think they're on the internet. Stool Scenes has footage.

I don't know what they want to do with it. I don't want to spoil it in case they have a surprise or whatever. I think we did. But yeah, I think we sufficiently spoiled it. Well, I mean, seeing it is different. Oh, yeah. Oh, you mean picture wise rather than. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes. I was giving my friend a tour of the office and I didn't

take her. Was that who's sitting here? Yeah. I don't know what that was. She just brought a friend in here, just sat here. No, no, no. She just left too. No, no, no., no. She's like in the golf Instagram world. She's one of Paige's friends and so she knows Riggs and Trent from doing stuff so she just is in the city. Regardless, I was giving her a tour.

The golf Instagram world is a wild drop. That's what she's in. That's like a whole thing. That's how Paige has the following that she has. There's another one too right um katie kearney is another one she's like there's like a whole pack of them yeah yeah chelsea is one of those two there's a whole pack um but i didn't take her into kfc radio because i figured you guys were still in there yeah so i opened up the door to the green screen room and

i realized all of you guys were in there and all i could smell i smelled like cigarettes i don't know if there was anybody in there smoking cigarettes but all i could hear is just everybody dying laughing i mean so i must have opened up the room when that was happening because it was just like as soon as you open well we finally got yp to agree to it and when she scooped him up it was just like uh the walk-off home it was it was like a moment like we did it i feel like i heard it happen i didn't see but i feel like that i opened the it was it was like a moment like we did it i feel like i heard it happen i didn't see but i feel like that i opened the door and it was like narnia there's been so many moments of barcelona like there's there's like um like dan had a running joke with darren revell and

then he played basketball one-on-one and like you know you talk day talks about someone and then he gets him on a pizza review and this was like this cd kfc radio underbelly version of all that like this like trill and coley have been making this porn joke for a long time with this amazon porn woman and this midget like sorry this little tiny fucking uh i mean he is no you could body this guy he is small the only thing is like he could like beat you up with his dick but otherwise he he is a tiny, tiny guy. I just saw footage of Phoenix carrying you. She literally did not move when you jumped on the back. I'm not a big guy, but I kind of grabbed her and was like,

so just hop on? Is that what I do here? And she was like, yep. Also, she does not look the same so I'm happy that I didn't. It wouldn't feel right. Zaha, how much do you weigh? I weigh, about last time I jumped on a scale, I think I was close to, I think I was 158.

So he's just... Yeah, you don't even get the Phoenix. Zaha is so broad. Zaha is 158 of like fucking brick. Just solid stone. I was going to say If you're under 150 maybe you should hit her up

For your porn debut If you hit the gym a little bit Go vegan maybe 8 pounds is nothing Not worth it That is one thing I'll never do in life Go vegan fuck that I mean it's ruining football careers right

Caleb was talking about it I guess on the yak One thing I'll never do in life. Go vegan. Fuck that. I mean, it's ruining football careers, right? Yeah. Caleb was talking about it, I guess, on the yak. And people were kind of like laughing about it. And then today, nutritionists come out and say, yeah, dude, you're hurt and underperforming because you're not getting enough nutrients, which, you know, I don't think that diet works for everybody. I'm sure you can be. No diet works for everybody. So I'm sure you can be vegan. It works for everybody.

So I'm sure you can be vegan and be a football player, a quarterback, be big, be strong, be durable. Uh, but if it's not, if it doesn't work for you,

you can't do it. And at this point, Foster was a vegan, right? I'm sure some guys, I feel like he was one of the first ones. He went for being towards the end of his career and then fell apart. Yeah. Like he was one of the first ones. I think he went vegan towards the end of his career and then fell apart. Yeah, he was one of the first ones that came out and was like,

oh, I'm going vegan. I can still play well. And then two years later, he wasn't in the league anymore. And so what do you do? How do you get protein? Tofu. And that's synthetic, right? Listen, I accidentally got tofu. Yeah, legumes, proteins, fuck.

I got tofu on a salad that Daniela ordered Erica. And she was just like, Erica doesn't want it. You want this? And I was like, yeah, I'll eat it. It tastes like a sponge. Yeah. It's disgusting. Although there's some buffalo tofu at Whole Foods that's pretty fire.

Yeah, you throw buffalo sauce on everything. It tastes delicious. You could cover pennies in buffalo sauce. I'm going to eat them. So Aaron Foster was a vegan for a whole six months. From July 2012. And he's like, by 2012, November, he was done. Yeah, I did my internship with the Texans in July and August of 2012, so that makes sense.

That's all he talked about. If it works, great. But the minute that you, if you switch up your diet, and then your career is like, there's a correlation, wouldn't you just stop? Well, why do people go vegan in the first place? Wouldn't you at least test it out to be like, let me go back to meat and see if I'm better?

I feel like the people who go vegan aren't going these football players, aren't going out of newfound respect for animals. They think it will help their career. When you find out it's not, go back. I have a hard time believing any nutritionist in professional

sports would be like, you don't need meat. Well, I don't know. I mean, you might, you might be able to get protein is protein, I think. Or I guess maybe not. You got to start eating more protein, I think. Have you gone vegan? Every time I look at you, you're covered in bruises. Yeah.

I got all wrong. You're like a pear. Yeah. I mean, I'm always, I'm'm always fighting for my kids and shit I don't know I just feel like Kevin's got a lot of injuries I think that's more like I'm anemic you need more iron

I think bruising is like blood flow that's why girls always have don't you have an iron deficiency when you're on your period well I don't know. It sounds right. Girls always get bruised easier because they have an iron deficiency. I'm not the most manly.

I feel like Cam Newton's trendy. He likes to dress fucking stupid and does stupid shit on social media. He probably was like, yeah. There's probably some chick told him to do it. Like I got some woman in his life. You think that you're like superstar quarterbacks get told to do like that?

I guess. I mean, I mean, there was, you know, that was a Tom Brady episode. Exactly. Like, and also like everything always comes back to entourage, you know, Vince dates a vegan for a while and like, he won't even like do an UGG ad. Oh, I was thinking about the cocaine, but yeah, that's it. Yeah. He got into cocaine because

of sasha gray but like early early on like i think it's the first season like he gets into it with a vegan and they can't do it maybe you know whether it's a chick or like if he has his own version of alex guerrero someone he like swears by and that guy decides to go vegan then uh you can't eat eggs when you're vegan right correct does caleb know why he did it grab him right there he's walking by he might know why he actually started it because you grab him right there? He's walking by. He might know why he actually started it. Because then it's really, like, if he doesn't even have a reason to start, then it's like, what? Yeah, well, what's the point?

Yeah. Then it's, like, truly silly. You don't just wake up one day and decide. Here we go. Nutritionist investigator over here, Caleb Presley. Do you know why Cam started it? Why he went in the first place? No, I don't.

Because I'm just saying i was like did a girl tell him to do it did does he have a trainer who swears by it because it seems like something popular though well is it just a fad that he was like because i would just think to myself even if i if it was a fad and i was like all right fuck it i'm gonna try it maybe this will help me as soon as things were going poorly i think i would stop yeah but there's gotta be i don't know if you notice it like going poorly. I don't even think it's the reason why he got hurt. I just think that whenever you're trying to like, and by the way, I don't know anything about this.

I just think that whenever you're rebuilding tissue or whatever and you're like your body's trying to heal, when it doesn't have something that it needs so desperately, like protein. It's not going to go that well. It's not going to go well. And the people, I don't know if you saw, but it's not gonna go that well it's not gonna go well yeah and the people i don't know if you saw but it's like andrew luck yeah can do it it's like people who

have been people always cite prince fielder like uh-huh it's people who i'm not saying they got hurt because they're vegan but they could they stayed hurt basically yeah it's really hard to recover i think right it's like yeah you got hurt because like somebody tackled you or smashed you but like but then your body can't bounce back because you're eating tofu everything that makes like logical sense we evolved over the course of however many years eating a diet of meat mostly yeah meat when we could find it like when we weren't eating meat when we were like hunter gatherers it was because we were fucked yeah it was like oh fuck we don't eating meat when we were like hunter-gatherers, it was because we were fucked. It was like, oh, fuck, we don't have any meat, so we have to eat some twigs and berries. So the fact that you would just completely disregard that is like the ultimate example of how we're just way too privileged now.

But we just have way too much excess of things that we're like, oh, not even gonna eat meat because we have so many vegetables like you're you're like intentionally challenging yourself nutritionally because everything's so good right it's like let me see if i can get protein in a special hard way throw some buffalo sauce yeah right we'll make some synthetic shit and make it taste halfway decent and you'll be fine that's some some funny shit though. When did you like first say this? Cause it's just hilarious of this. Like the port came out. Like two, two weeks ago. Perfect timing. Yeah.

You know who else is? This is the real kicker. And this is actually how I brought it up in natural conversation was because we're talking about, uh, would it be smart for NFL team to sign Colin Kaepernick? Oh, right,

right, right. And I said, well, listen, he is a threat to get injured and not be able to come back because he's vegan.

Now you got your out. Now you're set. Look at this. It's not about the social reasons. He's vegan. Not on the anthem. He eats tofu. Can't do it.

Big Cat said that, we were talking about this on the Yak yesterday, and Big Cat said that he was at dinner the other night with, oh my God, what's his name? French Montana.

No, Deanne. Oh my God. I'm trying to think of the NBA player's name. my God, what's his name? French Montana? No, DeAndre. Oh my God. I'm trying to think of the NBA player's name. I'm so bad. That was in here recently? Yes. Went to look harder? It was like-

DeAndre Russell? Anyway, it doesn't even matter who it was. He was at a dinner with an NBA player and he says, Jordan, DeAndre Jordan. He says to him, DeAndre Jordan's vegan. He was like not eating all the stuff that's at the dinner. And so Big Cat tries to make a conversation with him. He's like, yeah, dude, are you seeing what's happening with all these other athletes who are vegan?

And he's like, like who? And Big Cat led with Colin Kaepernick. DeAndre Jordan's like, dude, I don't think that's why he's not getting signed. I actually, I very selfishly hope Kaepernick never gets signed just because I love every time someone bad gets signed.

Yeah. Like the comparison of the list of the quarterbacks. Like it happened with the Patriots today with Cody Kessler. Yeah. He's like, he thought they're not actually going to play Cody Kessler. Right. It's like Colin Kaepernick still unsigned.

That has nothing to do with anything, but it's like, it's fun to see just the list. Like these are the quarterbacks that get jobs and he doesn't. I we do that until colin kaepernick's 50 years old there's like for like it's been what three years now i almost think a long time to be out of the nfl yeah i hope we do it for colin kaepernick i would want that he's probably like i don't know if i can play anymore guys it's been three fucking years like but if you don't ever play and play badly you'll always get the like you're still good you know the longer he doesn't play the

fonder i feel like everyone's memory of him becomes. He was so good. He went to a Super Bowl. He was electric. Nobody remembers that he basically played himself out of the league. Alright, well, according to Dr. Caleb, don't go being good. Dr. Caleb. PhD. Alright, let's hit a break. When we come back, more CCK.

Get to your calls. We'll keep it moving here on Friday. I woke up Chris Greasy. Oh my God, I'm the man. I'm so fly and I can dance. There's tattoos on my neck. I just finished I'm Kanye. I told him I'm his biggest and I can dance There's tattoos on my neck I just finished I'm crying I told my mama's biggest friend Got all these M-I-D-M

Yeah I do Holy, I got a kid I'm interested in what happens in the clean version of this song. Listen up. You want to keep it up? Yeah. Put up my winner My winner We up my winner.

My winner. We are my winner. You stupid little winner. I was like, I thought this was going to be the real version, and I was going to just wait until this chorus came to see what Zah did. So I made sure and I listened to it three times. Winner, winner, winner. I listened to it three times because I'm a winner, winner, winner. That's very funny.

This was the latest song that gets all the sorority girls in trouble, right? Yes. Yeah. Which sometimes I have sympathy in certain instances. This specific song where you have to say it like 150 times in a row, you get no sympathy. No sympathy. I'm with you, Kevin. If one slips through when you're singing a song, fine. When you repeat

it like a machine gun. I don't think I've ever had one get through since high school. It's pretty easy to go, it's also on Chris Brown, though. You gotta say three times when We heard it the first time You know what I'm saying

Yeah I mean He kinda co-signed it right And like Yeah that's what I'm saying It's majority Actually you know what I would majority blame Chris Brown Right

He should be the one to say no Lead by example It's a Friday here Thank god This was like the longest Fucking week of my entire life This is a long one I don't know

They're just getting longer And longer and longer I last night While I was trying to get to bed life. This is a long one. I don't know. They're just getting longer and longer and longer. I, last night, while I was trying to get to bed because I've had a long week, I saw something that made me think something that I think is going to be controversial. You saw something that made you think something that you think is going to be controversial? Yes. Okay. Hit me.

I saw a ton of praise on Twitter.com for Felix Hernandez. And I think that Felix Hernandez is the greatest pitcher ever who doesn't matter at all. I would say he's the most irrelevant athlete of all time. I think. Good. Good. I think if you never say Felix Hernandez's name again, baseball doesn't lose. I think. And he's great. I amball doesn't lose, I think.

And he's great. I am not saying he's a bad player. I think, and people like, people like, no, of course he's not a bad player. He's a phenomenal player. You can't argue that. But everyone who was going crazy sucking his dick last night, I think it validates everything that people like KD and LeBron and everyone

have ever done. Because if you just stay on a shit team who doesn't do shit for you, you are nothing. Forget about saying Felix Hernandez's name again. I think if you erase Felix Hernandez and what he did, it doesn't change the Mariners.

They didn't win anything. Well, they have maybe a playoff appearance here or there. Not even. He never pitched in the playoffs. I thought that it maybe got in once so so even even more so like he forget about what his legacy will be from here on out if you could snap your fingers and thanos him from the fucking world it wouldn't matter in his rookie season nobody don't get it wrong this has nothing to do with him as a person i'm sure he's a great person i actually bet he's one of the fact that he stayed with the mariners didn't even care about any of this doesn't care about the spotlight i

bet you he's a wonderful person with like incredibly uh honorable priorities but that all being said that that video last night that everyone was going crazy over i even thought that was supremely underwhelming i thought his reaction was perfect. I thought the crowd, I was like, fuck these people. This dude fucking threw his career away to pitch for your dog shit fucking franchise. Why were they not cheering him on? I didn't think it was that loud. People were like, what an ovation. He was crying up.

He was tearing up. His on-field reaction was very visceral and emotional. The crowd, I was like, this is really underwhelming. At least the clip. I saw one clip of Sports sports center or something like that maybe there was a longer one i was unimpressed with the seattle fans like like this dude look he probably made 150 million dollars in his career i'm looking at 175 million big contract so it's like 25 million a year the like you know so he didn't throw away he threw away his legacy to stay there and it's still like all right they're all printing up like

the thank you signs like shut up and fucking cheer for this guy i guess i don't i was i was very disappointed with everything i saw last night just because it reminded me of how bad theo epsi wanted felix theo epsi wanted felix hernandez so goddamn fucking bad i think he put together all said eight packages to try and get felix hernandez some of them were like John Lester and Clay Buchholz and Jacoby Ellsbury. I forget exactly what they were, but names like that were all grouped together with the best Red Sox prospects. Can we just please get this guy out of there? And I think it was ultimately at some times up to him

when I think he just wouldn't trade. He just wanted to stay. Wave is no trade. It's crazy. I mean, I think what happened to Felix Hernandez and potentially what he did to himself is sad. I think he should be remembered more. I think he should be great. And I think he just doesn't matter at all.

I'm looking. It looks like they once the fucking Times woman. Let me open it. It was like something involving Adrian Gonzalez. There was a three way deal. But oh, yeah, they flip them over seattle yeah and the mariners were like always the ones to uh you know i clicked on one fucking site and you have to pay for it i click on another site and i can't watch it with my ad blocker fuck all these sites let me get my

goddamn internet um yeah i mean like he would have been legendary if he went there or anywhere pretty much like anywhere other than seattle i mean yeah and if you win of course but i mean like if you're not going to win to at least be somewhere that is not completely irrelevant like the seattle mariners he uh he made 210 million over his career which is very funny to think that this guy who was like super quiet and timid and like i don't think I've ever heard him. Does he speak English? I don't, if he does, I've never heard him say anything. And if he did nothing of work of note,

probably, you know, a prime three or four seasons that can go against any pitcher ever. And he, I mean, I don't think I've ever watched him pitch seriously. I mean, I've seen highlights.

If he, if he didn't pitch, if he didn't play in the playoffs ever, I don't think I've ever watched him pitch. Seriously. I mean, I've seen highlights. If he didn't pitch, if he didn't play in the playoffs ever, and I don't think, I mean, the Mets have ever played like interleague with the Mariners. I don't know if I've ever like turned on a game in real time and watched him pitch several innings. Maybe a pop it on MLB Network, whatever. I don't think I've seen Felix Fernandez pitch, which is fucking insanity.

He's so irrelevant that I didn't even understand what was really happening last night. I was like, what is going on? Is he retiring? Is he going to go elsewhere? My first reaction was like, this is so stupid. I don't know what his numbers are because I fucking forgot Felix Fernando

has existed because he doesn't matter. I was like, why aren't they even going to try and re-sign him? Why is it just a done deal well yeah i mean he's he's 33 yeah but he's one and eight with a 70 all right so okay it's time yeah it's time to go uh a negative war um yeah i don't know if he's been injured at all he's only thrown 70 somebody 71 innings so it's definitely time i mean and i think he's been fairly injured through his whole career. He's had... I'm looking at his top career when he won the Cy Young.

250 innings, 227 ERA, 230 strikeouts. He had a run there where... He had a good run, but also I think the fact that he was in that irrelevant place, people put him at a higher level now.

Where it's like, he's not a lock Hall of Famer. And people speak about like he's the greatest, like an error and stuff like that. He's not a guaranteed Hall of Famer. I don't know enough because he's irrelevant. I think he would be a lock. I think what guards him is his irrelevance. I think if he was in a major market and through the injuries and fucking one, seven or what, seven ERA years, I think he's stayed so irrelevant that he's thought of as better than he was. Because people just don't know. Yeah, they know the name, King Felix.

But I forgot he existed. I'm like, oh, all I remember is him and his prime, and that's it. But the prime, I don is him and his prime. Then that's it. But like the prime, I don't think was very long. He's not again. He's not a Hall of Fame lock. I don't know. I mean, his run in like it went from 2000. Let me see.

I just texted Jay. I said, is he a Hall of Fame lock? No. see i just texted jay i said is he a hall of fame lock no um so he had like 270 strikeouts 232 222 223 216 248 like he had five six straight seasons with like 200ks career era of three four yeah i mean i guess it's i bet you he'll make it because of like he played on one team he was king felix he didn't have a good prime he's a he's a pretty good pitcher who played in a market that doesn't fucking matter why is everyone crying i do think there's something i i think it's so rare what am i missing one team because he played for one team that's all

you got to do yeah i think you got to be good enough i think he's good enough like when todd helton played with the rockies when uh trevor ho with the Padres, Jeter with the Yankees, Mariano the Yankees. It's like that's David Wright with the Mets. You talk about a lot of winners there. It's kind of like David Wright with the Mets. But David Wright, did he get the national weeping or was it just Mets fans? I don't think he – maybe social media wasn't as prevalent. He got the weeping because it was like he got this fucking spinal stenosis fucking disease.

But yeah, I don't know if he ever had the like, you know, he never had the king fucking nickname vibe to him. I don't know. It's also like anybody who loves baseball was going to get on that last night because that was. I think people, I think it's, I think it's people doing it for retweets and shit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like they were doing it like, oh, well, I have to do it. Like, he's a legend. How many fucking games did you watch?

Just calling him a legend. Shut up. Fucking assholes. Nationals. I was trying to go to bed last night. I was just counting fucking King Felix tweets. Like fucking Pedro was retiring in his prime. Yeah, I guess it's strange. Take your fucking 70 RA and kick

rocks. I guess though, I mean if you there's a level of loyalty to him that I don't think exists anymore. Yeah, because people are fucking smart. Yeah. They want to win championships and be revered. So you don't give him any credit for that?

No, I think he knows he didn't have it. I mean, he could have gone somewhere. He could have gone somewhere, yeah. Eight times he said no thank you to the Boston Red Sox. Yeah, but I mean, if that's out of loyalty, I think there's something to that. Yeah, if it was out of loyalty. If he thinks he didn't have it. Like, Mariners fans should be loyal.

Have a whole fucking staff come in for you. That's what the Sox were offering. They were offering like three pitchers who went on to be very good pitchers. Yeah, but that's what you're saying. He. They were offering like three pitchers who went on to be very good pitchers. So you're saying he should have done it for the Mariners fans? You want to be out of loyalty for the people of Seattle? Get the fuck out of there and let them get a whole pitching staff in exchange for you and your pretty

good pitching ass. You love the people of the Pacific Northwest that much? Fucking come to Boston and stink it up here. Come bring your three and a half over here. You could be our number four. Maybe you'll crack the rotation. Maybe we'll put you in the pen for the playoffs.

I think coming from a shitty sports team, I call the Mariners the Mets West. I think it's so stupid that he did it, but I do really give Jacob deGrom a lot of credit for signing a long-term deal with the Mets. That was so stupid. Jacob deGrom is going to be Felix Hernandez 2.0, maybe even better. Hopefully a Hall of Fame lock.

But that was dumb. He shouldn't have done that. maybe even better. Maybe like, hopefully like a side, a hall of fame, like lock. But like, that was dumb. He shouldn't have done that. He's going to waste away here for the next seven years. Hopefully he has some opt outs or something. So he can get the fuck out of here. At least in a big market though. So people know who he is.

Yeah. But I do, I just have to give people credit who like, and maybe who knows what his motivations were. I don't know if he was sitting around, like you said, like I love the people of the Pacific Northwest. But when you have a shitty team that's not a big market and can't afford guys and you hit the market and you choose to stick around.

Being loyal to people who aren't loyal to you is not an endearing quality. For people who refuse to help you, refuse to make you a better player. I'm talking about the fans, not the team. I think at some point, like, fans will understand. They would will understand they would have like jesus christ they're doing nothing you felix fernandez they're pitching a post-season game get the fuck out of there i wonder did they ever i feel like they made a couple they signed robbie cano right it goes like 600 feet right it's one of those fields yeah maybe see the guy who knew he couldn't hack it. Hey, guys, don't we fucking move the fences back 20 yards.

I'll stick around for five more years. That is such a sad sight to look at his baseball reference. And it's this block of stats from 2005 to 2019. Team, SEA, SEA, SEA, SEA. The saddest thing in life,

man. Wasted fucking talent. You just chose... It's the craziest thing. Repeating it and taking a little change. Each row makes sense. The guys from Japan will come over and Seattle, they want to stay on the West Coast. It physically, literally makes sense.

I get that. This dude, go to the Marlins. Or Venezuela. I don't know where the fuck is close to that. It just doesn't make any sense to stick around when you know, especially fans of teams like that have to know. The Mets fans, I was always like, David Wright, go. Go.

It's like when you break up with someone in the movies, they do that for you. You get Harry and the Henderson. Get out of here! We don't want you anymore! Get out! Get out! And you turn around and you're crying and shit, but you did it for them.

Let's take some calls here. Felix, Jeremy from Long Beach, what's up? Hey guys, love the show. Just wanted to say what I read about Felix Hernandez is that he's not done playing and it kind of looks like he has his King's Fiction in Seattle, whatever

it's called. And it just looks like they had like an amicable divorce because they threw him somewhat of a, I guess, standing ovation little party after his last start last night. But he doesn't want to stop playing. So I just didn't get that whole thing. That would be funny if we're just talking about this guy. He's done. And 12 hours ago, Felix Hernandez, I'm not retiring. So this guy, this guy

is so fucking stupid. He's going to leave now when he stinks. When he stinks he's going to give up on Seattle. You're not even going to be one of those guys that I sucked his dick. You stayed on one team the whole fucking time. You fucking moron.

Now you're going to go somewhere else where you have a seven ERA and ruin the one thing that you did have. Was that you were loyal? Felix Hernandez, I'm not retiring. 31 MLB teams. You sure about that, bud? Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. We're going to force your dumb ass into retirement.

He did say, well, I'll see if I can find a job. I'm not retiring. How fucking sad is that? By the way, I saw the Mets will sign him. This is time for the Mets. This is when the Mets do it. And they'll give him like 25 million. The stupidest thing.

They're going to sell jerseys. People love Felix. Look at the crowd over there in Seattle. We're going to get the headlines. Here it is. King of Queens. We've got King Felix. Hang on.

Hang on. I'm in. I'm in. Bring King Felix. The Wilpons. Someone, Jeff Wilpon, will hear that, and he'll be like, ding. We're talking for a good marketing campaign. Boy, oh boy, did that hook me.

That is so fucking stupid. By the way, even the stupidest highlight I saw last night was – oh, I forgot. Hey, are we done with the bears? Yeah. So there was – at one point he gave up like a screaming line drive to left, and this dude had to make this leap and catch. And he – Felix is celebrating on the mound and the announcers are like, can you tell he wants this? And I'm sitting here

like, is this to preserve a no hitter? Is this to get into the playoffs? Is this maybe even to secure a win? They were down 3-0 and it was the fucking top of the fourth. I thought it was preserving a perfect game too. I was like, oh shit, he's retiring on a perfect game in his last game this is crazy he pitched

five and a third and gave up three runs what the fuck can you tell he wants what a mediocre start to finish his career it doesn't even get a quality start get out of my face i was kind of like, no, come on now. Fuck King Felix, man. Long live King Felix as he cries and fucking shakes his hands. I mean, this is the most dramatic. He's a nice guy. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but we're fucking done professionally. I mean, tonight there is crying in baseball. I mean, like, come on.

Fuck that person. Who said that? Who said that? Random fan. Top reply, come on. Fuck that person. Who said that? Who said that? Random fan. Top reply. Report that. Report that tweet. Long live the king.

Tonight there's crying in baseball? Jack, fucking kill that person. Seriously, come on. Hell of a career. Respect to the rival. He had an okay career. In a place that doesn't matter. This is quite literally a participation trophy.

This is celebrating mediocrity at its best. I'll tell you what, King Felix, this guy stinks. This guy wasn't even a good pitcher. You know what? This is the worst part about us. We just work each other into a lather. I also started like, well, I'm sure he's a great guy. Fuck this guy.

He's a bad dude. He's a bad family man. He might have committed a hate crime. Fuck him. Get rid of him. Kick him out of the league. This has been a wild ride to watch. Kick him a bad family man. He might have committed a hate crime. Fuck him. Get rid of him. Kick him out of the league. This has been a wild ride to watch. Kick him out of the league.

Very wild ride. Holy shit, that's fucking funny. Like, you started off by saying, like, you think it may be controversial, and now he's committed a hate crime. Honestly, I wasn't with you until now, until looking at these numbers and everything. You're a billion percent right that his like anonymity and his fucking irrelevance i i when you told me when you said he's not a lock for the hall of fame i was like oh i think you're very wrong and like you know the the best baseball mind i know is like he's probably not going to get in and i don't think that's incorrect like what are we doing

here twitter.com what are we doing i would love i'm gonna i'm gonna ask him like what what a good comparable is and i bet it's gonna be some like middle of the road fucking asshole clay buckles turned down buckles and lester for clay buckles let's see okay he said uh i mean at the peak he uh maybe i should just get him to call in but whatever he said uh at the peak he had the peak for the hall of fame but he was done as a useful pitcher at like 30 he's one of the very best single team debuted. Super young with huge hype managed to meet that hype. Perfect game. Resign long-term.

Uh, he did say like, okay, so let me ask CC at his best or Felix at his best. What do you think? Who do I think is the better peak? Yeah. CC.

Cause he didn't place as a matter. I'm sure. I'm sure. Right. But like numbers wise, he's saying Felix is better than CeCe. So if you think CeCe gets in, he gets in. You got to start playing that game.

But fuck this shit. Fuck him. Do you think that before last night he was planning to retire? Like why did that whole thing happen last night? I'll tell you what, Casey. I don't know because I don't know a fucking thing about Felix Hernandez. I don't know what he was thinking before, after, during the start, whether he wants to sign somewhere, whether people want him.

And there's no one to blame for that except Felix Hernandez. His goddamn self and your stupid fucking loyalty. Mike Trout, you looking into the future? Yeah, seriously. Get the fuck out of there. Seriously, how stupid was he? And I know at the time, I think we, I know I was like, no, like 400 million, Southern California, your girls from time, I think we, I know I was like, no, like 400 million, Southern

California, your girls from there, you're happy, there's no pressure. And I believed all that. I think I screamed fuck legacies and all that shit. But then when you see something like this, and you're like, wait a minute, especially this guy's not good, by the way, Felix Hernandez. Mike Trout's the best ever. So like if Felix Hernandez went to Boston, he probably would have ruined his legacy even more because he would have been exposed.

If Mike Trout goes... Really talked him into that one. If Mike Trout goes literally anywhere... If Felix Hernandez pitches against a fucking Green Monster, he probably gives up 10,000 home runs that far. I mean, that guy stinks. Stinks. Let's say you have a one-game playoff.

Would you rather have Felix Hernandez or Jason Vargas pitch? I don't know. It's a quiet playoff. I was going to say Bronson Arroyo. He's getting two-year-old cornrows every day of the week. He's a gamer. He'll muscle his way through five and a third in game seven. And he'll fucking play the guitar in the fucking post-game celebration too.

That stupid straight leg kick. Looks like he was fucking doing cheerleading out there. Let's see who else agrees with us on Felix. What do you got, Quinn? Oh, he's from Seattle. So let's talk to you. I bet you think he's great. No, fuck.

It's the worst thing in the world being a Manner fan. I've been a fan all my life. We held on to three things. 1995, when we fucking hit a double against the Yankees. 01, when we scored 116 games and got bounced by the fucking Yankees. Oh, I wouldn't even hold on to that. I would try to hide that one. That's a shameful moment.

It's terrible. We fucking hang a banner for it. Don't worry about it. That's tough. But Felix won a Cy Young with 13 wins. It was terrible. He has 150 quality starts

with under two runs scored. Seattle fucked him. It's been terrible. I did cry last night because it was a... We're loyal up here, but it was a tough one. I think whether or not you realize it, maybe even subconsciously you're crying because it's like you realize you wasted him

and your team stinks and your organization's trash and that you celebrate mediocrity. I'm actually, I mean, I'm really looking in the mirror here because I remember that now. Remember he had 13 wins. He was like the first guy to ever win the Cy Young with no wins because everyone realized how good he was, how bad the Mariners were. And I mean, it's

he is Jacob DeGrom. I'm sure at his peak it's comparable. DeGrom's going to win it again. And he has something like 56% of his starts, Jacob DeGrom. He has two runs or less. Like half of his career. Oh, that's right. I saw that yesterday.

It's disgusting. He should already have 300 wins. It's disgusting. He should have, he should like already have 300 wins. It's like crazy. So, uh, yeah, I mean, I'm sitting here laughing and making fun of them and I'm going to be those

guys in like seven years. In seven years, you're going to be like, you don't understand. He was great. I'll tell you what, I'm going to kill myself before that happens. So I will not be that guy in seven years.

Tip the halftime mark. I will be back for our number two, CCK after this. I don't know why I'm being modest. Top of shit, but only because you know you poppin'. Yeah. You got it, girl. You got it.

Hey. You got it, girl. You got it. Little baby in a bag and a Birkin. No 9 to 5, but they're workin'. Plus and all, I love them all. To me, they're perfect. I just want to say happy birthday to the greatest to ever do it. How old? 34?

34, I think, right? No? 1982, so I believe that's going to be 34. 34, I think, right? No. 1982, so I believe that's 37. Holy shit. So happy birthday to Weezy. I'm old. He's probably a guy who should call it a day, too. No.

Yeah. Why? Because I think that he's not good anymore. Based off of what? His last album? Yeah. I didn't think it was that bad. You're never going to think

anything other than him. Other than he's great, though. Yeah, I mean, he's never going to get back to like the Carter 2 and the Carter 3, but I don't think you need to hang it up.

I think you do. It's not like a professional athlete where it's like you... I think aging rappers is some of the worst things in you do. It's not like a professional athlete. I think aging rappers is some of the worst things in the game. Aging porn stars take the cake. Aging rappers are second. Jay-Z's stuff is terrible.

Eminem's stuff is terrible. So you're saying he should just hang it up and not make new music. But he could still go do shows with his old stuff. Oh yeah. I think when you're a rapper, you should probably stop at, like, 32. Yeah, I don't, I'm trying to think.

What aging rapper do you like? I like Jay-Z still. Yeah? I mean, I think. Like, new Jay-Z. 444, whatever it is. You like that? That was really good.

Yeah, people did like that. Yeah, I think, I guess that was, that was almost like, like the resurgence because everything in between that. Everything from like, I guess like Watch the Throne and all that shit. Magna Carta. Watch the Throne, what was he, like 42? Yeah, well, Jay-Z, I guess is the, I guess you can't go by age.

You have to go more it's almost like uh rap years when you come into the league as a high schooler it's like yeah you're only 30 but it's like i've been playing for 10 12 fucking years um i feel like when you have like your bulk of your prime it's better to just like do some features do a couple singles especially i think now when you don't need to do albums i I think that's how I would age as a rapper. I think I would make like individual songs because every album seems to be, uh, at least from the greats, I guess until Jay-Z finally,

like whatever he did with, with four 44 or whatever it was, was like, I think he almost knew he needed one, you know? Like, I think the rest of them, I think he was kind of just living off of,

uh, off of like the reputation. And I think it was like time to really get back, I think the rest of them, I think he was kind of just living off of, off of, like, the reputation, and I think it was, like, time to really get back in the booth. I think, I think you don't, I don't give a, at any age, you should stop. I just think you shouldn't say things unless you have things to say. Well, there was that whole, like, the running thing with Jay-Z was, like,

I can't relate to when you're talking about art on the wall and all that shit. That was, like, the the line that everybody said, because it was, like, he's too rich now, and he he's too but that's a knock on anybody who's successful right on yeah i'm being like tough and drugs or comedy or like anything really yeah once you become not relatable anymore yeah you can't be speaking on real life but like what was you know he wasn't relatable you know it's like unless you unless you're a a drug dealer, Jay-Z's not relatable to you, period, in the beginning or the end. But I do think there's something like rapping about being rich is not interesting.

It's fun, pop songs, party songs. I think when I know that when I'm listening to rap about drug dealers and shit, it's like watching a movie. It sounds cool. It sounds tough. It sounds tough. It sounds bad-ass. It sounds like intense, uh, rather than about,

you know, being rich and not even like rich. Like I like to party and I have hose rich, like, you know, I'm with Obama and shit. It's like, okay,

I don't know. Whatever, dude. Um, but like, I don't even, yeah. Like what would little Wayne,

what's little Wayne talking about these days? I don't know. I didn't think the Carter, what'd you think of the Carter five? I, I didn't like it as much.'t know. I didn't think the Carter. Zaw, what did you think of the Carter 5? I didn't like it as much. I mean, yeah, I didn't like it as much, but I still liked it. It was all right. The thing is, he was just so, in the period that he was good, he was just so prolific.

Yeah. It's tough. Yeah, I mean, when his thing was like constantly putting out music and kind of like freestyling it and shit. And he was on everybody's songs too. Yeah. And I mean, I feel like he a lot of years of lean and shit catch up with you. Oh yeah, for sure. Also for me, the way he's doing it now where

the way he's doing it now where you know, he's quiet for a little bit and the Carter 5 drops and all that and I don't like it. I like when he was back in the day, he was dropping something new like literally every week, doing mixtapes and all that shit. I just don't want it to be a situation where it's just like, alright Lil Wayne, he's just done, done. Yeah, but remember when you

said you don't want Tiger Woods to look like a bum? But it's different though because Lil Wayne doesn't have to be doing stuff. Tiger, if he wanted to stay in the golf world, he was having to play. Lil Wayne doesn't have to be putting out new music all the time. Right, but I'm saying would you rather put out like mediocre albums or just not have new music at all i would rather him put out mediocre albums absolutely yeah i would much

rather somebody that i like a lot continue to put out new music that's mediocre than just disappear is that because you don't care about a music legacy the same way you care about sports legacy yeah no for me it's like i like lil wayne is my favorite rapper of all time he could put out garbage for the next 20 years i'm still gonna listen to it i'm still gonna like it i'm still gonna listen to the carter two and three more but i don't want him to just disappear it's like m&m it's like when when kamikaze came out i loved kamikaze i don't think it's not any good legacy is a music legacy no comfortable if you sports legacy there is someone right there on the court with right embarrassing you music is just like yeah this is still a pretty good way and so on this is fine

i can get it down to this it's not like it's not like you're watching someone else just do it completely better than him like in the booth right next to him well i mean i guess i guess you kind of compare i mean you can compare to other songs out but it's but it's not the same as like it's it's it's so opinion-based you can just strip it it's fact-based you're watching a sport go that guy is way better yeah i don't think i don't think it's as clear cut like tiger it's hard to watch versus lil wayne putting out a song that you might not like as much as me but he's still putting out something new it's like there's not an athletic thing that you have to pass or fail i've always kind of thought of rap as like a sport in my mind though and it's like it's sad to me when i you have to pass or fail. I've always kind of thought of rap as like a sport in my mind, though.

And it's like it's sad to me when I when I hear an Eminem song was like doing weird voices and shit. And I'm like that it does feel like an athlete to me who's like, oh, like, yeah, you can definitely hang on a little bit too long. But if you like that artist to the degree that I like Lil Wayne or you like Jay-Z or whatever, like you don want him to just be like all right would you if you were the artist would you care oh yeah so but so as a fan you want to keep going but as an artist you would stop no no no I'm saying I would care if people didn't like it as much it's like when Eminem again I keep going back to Kamikaze because like he did that because people hated recovery so much yeah but I but even looking back on Kamikaze it's like It's not what he used to do. In the moment, I think people were excited.

I don't think anybody's talked about any songs off that album at all. Except the only thing that MGK battled, I can't remember any of the songs that I quote-unquote said I liked at the time. I have Kamikaze on my workout playlist, but that's it. Really, that's it. Everything else is old stuff. But I feel like with Lil Wayne, because he died, I agree with Zaw, that because he disappears for a long time,

then puts something new out and then disappears, that sucks as a Lil Wayne fan. But at the same time, I'd rather him be doing that and still making new music than just putting out shit every single month or so just to do it. Does that make sense? I don't want him to retire completely, but I don't want him to be just like throwing out

just awful songs every month either but you're okay with it being like mediocre yeah i mean in comparison to his old stuff it's never gonna be his old stuff but yeah nothing that lil wayne like even his rock album who most like most people fucking hated that like i still liked that because i like lil wayne that much i remember when dre put out compton and it was just like everybody it was kind of what like detox was supposed to be and it was just like everybody, it was kind of what Detox was supposed to be and then it became like a thing for, I think straight out of Compton the movie and people

were like, this is awesome. And I, and like, it wasn't, it was bad. People just wanted it to be good. They were saying it was good and like, I don't think anybody has talked about the Compton album in ever. I actually purchased it. Right, remember how I still have it on my itunes and i remember listening i haven't listened to it i listened uh to it and i texted one or two songs

i was like oh my god why did i buy this me and clem were like i mean that clem is like my guy like me and him are the exact same rap mind and like detox was going to be a moment in our lives that was like if this ever comes it's going gonna be the greatest thing ever and this was supposed to be that and i remember like like do you like it like i'm not gonna say it like but i don't like it do you like it and he was like i don't like it i was like i don't either why i don't like it either but people were trying to tell me it was good and i want i i would challenge them to even tell me a song off of that album right now so it's also like the new like who's your favorite new rapper i That's the thing. French Montana. That's about it.

But like if all of those guys like Lil Wayne, Eminem, whoever, they all just like stop putting out new music because they think they're past their prime. Then you're just stuck with all the new stuff. And the news, I think you can agree with me, like because of how old we are, the new stuff is never going to live up to that. So I'd rather Lil Wayne come out and put out something that I decently like in comparison to shit I don't care about yeah i think i'm just like i just have to give up on rap completely yeah i mean like i like pop i pretty much like all pop music at this point and so the rap songs that become like pop songs i'm down with but you know the people who tell me like you know this guy still has bars or this guy raps like old school just they don't really compare and then like the new like the trap music and the mumble rap and all that shit from this kind of era have been i just i'd agree with most people like i don't want them to just put out anything that's mediocre but i think you have like your select favorite

and like obviously lowane for me like he could put out the worst song of all time and i'm still gonna listen to it yeah you know even even with jay-z i think j put out the worst song of all time, and I'm still going to listen to it. Yeah. Even with Jay-Z, I think Jay-Z would kind of be my guy in 444 or whatever it is. I could appreciate and I respected it, but even that, I don't continuously listen to that album much. Jordan, what do you got on Jay? Hey, man, I couldn't disagree more with your 444 take, but what you just said, I understand you could respect it.

But that album, man, I mean, if you go back and listen to it, he made an album about breaking up with Beyonce sound good. How do you make that sound good? And he did. I like almost every song on the album. So for you to say it was terrible, it was just like. No, I didn't say 444 was terrible. I said like Magna Carta, Holy Grail was terrible. Yeah was just like, no, no, I didn't say, I didn't say four 44 was terrible. I said like Magna Carta, Holy grail was terrible.

And like, yeah, I didn't like that either. Kingdom come was terrible. Uh, the American gangster, like album soundtrack was bad. Right.

There was a lot of, basically in between blueprint three and four 44 was all bad albums. Right. Who would you, and John, this is kind of in Casey as well, who would you guys compare Tom Brady to in the rap game? Kanye, Jay-Z,

Nas, Lil Wayne, I'll hang up and let you guys answer. I don't think there is one. I don't know enough about rap. But I mean, you kind of do. Nobody, like, even Jay-Z, even if you're like 444, he's not putting out his best music. Tom Brady basically is.

Winning MVPs and winning Super Bowls. Longevity of the career, saying that relevant, or are you talking about legitimately just being the best at something? Because we've talked about that with rap. Longevity-wise, it would be Jay-Z, but output-wise, there's nobody. Because there's nobody who's putting out like their basically best work it's tough tough to make that comparison football football hasn't changed since

since it started music changes by yeah yeah that's true that's that's probably why it's great answers off your period if you dominate in that period you're the goat which is what little wayne and his little period he was yeah yeah like subjectively i, I would say Lil Wayne is Tom Brady to me because he was the best to ever do it. I will still listen to him before anybody else, but at the same time, it's like nobody that loves rap is going to say he's the best in the rap game right now.

I'm looking at the call list right now. We have calls about King Felix. We have Joey who wants to talk about college football with Casey. Then we have Liam from Boston and it says tasting your own sperm Jesus Christ so we're running the gamut here

my man Dominican Dylan's on the line what do you think about King Felix and what do you think about rap music rap right now you guys are talking about the old school rap but me right now I just fuck with music from now so like Youngboy NBA Hood i just fuck with like music from now so like young boy nba like

hoodridge pablo juan stuff like that and you don't like when i get when i compare it to old stuff it just doesn't hold up you don't care or you don't compare it or when you compare you think it holds up i'm trying like i don't mind it but it's like i'm trying to think of what i listened to like back then like fat joe stuff like that back in the day like elementary school and stuff like that fat joe nas was a little bit like heavy it just depends i always think in manhattan it's where you live in the city and that's who like you grow up listening to old school but like now i just really listen to like what's going on now i guess people like trap music basically yeah i just i'll get down with it for the purposes of like,

yeah, I know the song or it's on at the party or whatever, but I, you know, I'm not gonna, you're not feeling it. Yeah. What do you got on King Felix?

No, I was just saying like, I didn't get to that. I was caught off guard. And then I was looking through like social media. I saw like Jared tweet about it. And I was like, what the fuck is going on?

So I see. And I'm like, yo shit, is he retiring? So me like an idiot, I'm like Jared's tweet about it. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? So I see and I'm like, yo, shit, is he retiring? So me like an idiot, I'm like, oh, shit, let me throw a live bet on it. He's pushing his heart out. I go to check later and he's just fucking garbage ass game. Yeah, same thing he always does, that bum. Here's a quote from him. I didn't want to give him five runs in five innings.

I just wanted to go out there and do my job and give the team a chance to win. That was a fun game. I mean. He gave Oakland a chance to win if you were talking about the A's. When your goal is not give up five over five, it's time to call it a fucking day, bud. Jesus Christ. He's not retiring?

He really isn't? Well, he says he wants to play in 2020. He's very different. Like, he might be forced into retirement. He's 1-8 with a 70 RA. He might be forced to retire. He could play in the winner league in Venezuela. Yeah.

If you love the game that much, like, go play with Bartolo. See you later, man. Yeah. Have a good weekend, Delph. That Eagles money line last night. Oh, man. That was John line last night. Oh, man. Dylan. That was John winning grandfather clocks.

That was John winning. I even said it. I called it on the live stream with Marty. Marty got mad when I said it. They got their first and goal. I'm like, Marty, don't worry. They're not going to score. He's like, what are you saying, John?

Well, you can't say that, John. They're not going to score. That would piss me off so much. That would be like, fuck off, dude. Drop dead. What happened? They didn't score. Yeah. And then he was outside the bar galloping around, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Fuck like a dog. Fuck like a dog. Fuck like a dog. Even people in New York City were looking at him crazy. And it takes a lot. They follow new gamblers all the time with their picks. I'm following John today. John, you should lock your picks up right now.

Put them behind a paywall. You make Stu Finer money in the fucking 80s, bro. Keep following John, all right, though? All right, guys. Have a good weekend. Take care. You too, man. Later.

I realized something last night. I wasn't watching the game. I was putting the kids to bed for like fucking two hours. And I was following along on twitter and i realized that the eagles fans on twitter are like me and mets fans on twitter like i i just following on twitter i texted my boy wheeze and i was like just remember you already got your championship like it's gonna be okay because everyone was so fucking down people being like this is just not a good football team. This is ugly. By the time I did get to the fucking TV,

it was 21-13 Eagles in the fucking first half. I was texting you. I texted you, right? I said something. I was like, I said, Ruh-roh or something like that. Yeah, and you were like, this team's bad. You know what? I hadn't been watching.

By the time I turned on, 21 points in the first half, and they're winning. Carson Wentz only had 160 yards. It wasn't like they looked great. No, I can understand that, but it was still, even at that point, though, it was the first half and they're winning. Carson Wentz only had 160 yards. It wasn't like they looked great. No, I can understand that, but it was still, even at that point though, it was the first half and it was 21-13. How bad could it have been? It was bad. The first quarter and a half were bad.

Was it like a pick six and a kickoff return, like bang bang and they scored? Eagles finally marched down the field to score and then right away, I think first snap strip sack at Rogers that the Eagles picked up and ran to like the two. Finally marched down the field to score. And then right away, I think first snap, strip sacked Rodgers. That the Eagles picked up and ran to like the two. Okay. So it's got a couple quick scores.

But like I get that. But also like when you take a step back, it's like, all right. So they marched down the field and their defense forced a turnover in the capital. It's like things weren't going that bad. But those things happened after everyone was bitching. Right, right, right. But also one of my favorite parts i've realized of being a gambler is when you're watching a game like like when i when i would comment on games when i don't have

money on them i would like try and give like legit analysis not analysis but like i would want to say things that make sense yeah right don't have to when you're gambling just just passion just say it doesn't matter like it's like, fuck this team. This team fucking stinks. Down three points. You're not held to the same standard when you have – Well, I have money. He's just being emotional.

You know what's funny is like – He's going to lose his rent. Although it was funny last night when I was like, this team fucking sucks. Fuck them. I was like, I'm embarrassed I've ever said the eagles would uh beat the patriots maybe or something like that and eagles fans started being like oh we beat you in the super bowl dude i swear to god it never i sometimes like tweets i like to be able to like word them so people can't respond in what you never even thought of the eagles it never even crossed my mind that people

would be like we beat you in the super bowl, dude. Who the fuck cares about two Super Bowls ago? Are you kidding me? Well, I was about to say, really not even that long ago, dude, but in your world. That's a long time ago. The rating champs? Don't give a shit. Fucking asshole. I do love when John gets going about the good things of gambling. I feel

like it's I feel like it's like a young kid when they drink for the first time, and it's like a young kid when they like drink for the first time and it's like this is awesome like my inhibitions are lowered and like girls looking attractive i'm like social and people like yeah that's why we do it that's why we drink gamblers like yeah uh-huh the game's exciting it's interesting it's fun we don't care best part of drinking. Translate the gambling.

Wasn't my fault. Get to be a fucking shithead with no repercussions. Boy, though, is it going to be. I was going to say, except for the financial repercussions, the emotional repercussions. Someone replied last night to my going nuts. And that's how fights ended up homeless. I was going to say, man, it's going to be funny slash sad when we compare this in about, let's call it maybe nine months, maybe. Yeah. I think when I posted that video, there was multiple like variations of the downfall is going to be.

He's going to be chasing this high for the rest of his life. All right. I mean, you call it like the most fun gaming experience of your life, right? My gambling life. So it's three weeks. OK. Not gambling. You it's three weeks. Okay. Not gambling. Haven't you lost most of them?

What's up? Haven't you lost most of them? At this point now, I think I'm four and two. Really? Yeah, I think so. Well, I said two last night. Last night, I had one done and over. Last week had Jags.

No, maybe it's three and two. Three and two. You had Georgia last week. That didn't go well. Oh, yeah. You should not bet college football. I'm just forgetting the losers and remembering the winners. I think I'm a loser in the grand scheme of things.

He's just romanticizing because he just remembers the winners. Gambler's memory, man. Short memory. Well, if Marty doesn't make you pay him, then you'll never

have to remember the winners. I just sent my money to Marty because I don't like this. When I said to Marty, I said, you put in the bets for me, I lost. Do you want the money?

He said, no. And I was like, okay. And then I said it to him today, though, he's like, oh yeah, now would be good. Now would be really good. So I was like, okay. And then I said it to him today though. He's like, oh yeah, now it'd be good. Now it'd be really good. So I'm like, take this.

I don't want this anymore. I don't want to have any debts. I don't want to fucking, you know. You would think that if you're down that much money and you're having to ask, like he was having to ask his friends to put in bets because his bookie wouldn't let him, that you would be getting money from other people. Like why would he not need your money? I think he, you know, one of these like rules, like it was the middle of the week and i don't settle up until i settle up it's bad this bad juju i don't know i was like do you want the money or fucking do that on making a gambler why the fuck would you not want your

money when people lost it okay fuck like a dog fuck like a dog fuck like a fuck like a fuck like a dog just and then like galloping like you're on a horse yeah it's it's not oh she's i don't know i guess she ran out of here. Nah, she ran out. This week's Bacon Gamer was going to be me and Marty celebrating Fuck Like a Dog and then Abella was going to come in and go, you think that's how you fuck like a dog? Random question. Where did I see that? Because I've been looking for it, trying to play it.

On my Twitter. Okay, been looking in the wrong place. How was it looking on your end? Because I knew he and Marty were outside of the bar doing the live stream and then as soon and i had the fucking packers and three and a half so as soon as i saw that interception happen i was sad but i was like i know john is going to be acting like a buffoon out there so that's where that came from I think he's running out of breath there. You need the visual aspect of it, but he's like jumping around,

like humping. Yeah. Like you're on a horse, kind of. Yep. Yeah, it's much more riding a horse than it is fucking like a dog,

but whatever. Yeah. Listen. Actually, you should try to do a real fuck like a dog. You know, dogs, like they really like hump funny.

Yeah, that would be funny. If you actually, if you actually fuck like a dog. You know, dogs, like they really like funny. Yeah, that would be funny. If you actually if you actually fuck like a dog, were you just yeah, you squat. It's kind of like twerking. It'd be very funny if that was the real doggy style. Froggy style is actually like. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. It's yeah, they really really like they take it hard for themselves. It's just their midsection. I want to say they don't move like their legs at all and none of their upper body. It's just like a little... They just thrust their neck. I think someone has heard the air. You want that in your ear, girl?

That's honestly... What that is, that's not heavy breathing. That's your body squishing the air out of your lungs. Smooshing it out. Too much movement. Disgusting. This seems like a good time to take Liam's call. What are you tasting in your own cum?

What are you doing, Liam? What's going on here? Yo, what's up, guys? Happy Friday. Yeah, man. It's about to get worse, I think, with your call, but what do we got? Alright, well, I just got into an argument with my buddy the other day, and we were talking about cum. I said that I tasted my own cum back in sophomore year of high school. Am I the asshole, or is he the asshole for never tasting his own cum?

I would say you are the asshole. I've never heard of him. Just spooning it yourself? No, I didn't put it in my own mouth, but I put it on my finger and then put it on my own tongue. You gave it a little tasty taste? Yeah, I was curious. Coconut water, what do they say? Is that true?

I mean, it's a placebo effect, I'm sure. Like pineapple. Yeah, just eat some pineapple, it'll taste better. That's got to be an urban legend, right? The pineapple thing? No, your diet is definitely a huge part of it.

Yeah, citrus flavors. Yeah, citrus. I like to smack a mango down. When I'm feeling gentlemanly, I'll rip a couple dried mangoes. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, when you put it like that, how romantic is it? I mean, I've never really given it some thought. Slap a mango down.

I mean, I can't be great. I'm not eating fucking fruits and vegetables, bro. My taste in heaven. Your gum tastes like shit. You think yours tastes good? Yeah, eat mangoes. Yours is strictly fucking tobacco and Sour Patch Kids. I don't think you have good gum either.

That sounds pretty good. Imagine if it literally tastes like Sour Patch Kids. You ate it so much, that was your gum. You're welcome. Those commercials, like, first it's sweet like Sour Patch Kids. You ate it so much that was your cum. Those commercials. First it's sweet. Then it's sour. I don't think it's normal for guys to try their own shit, right?

I can't imagine it is. I've never heard that. But I also imagine that guys out there who do it will not admit it. You've definitely never done it. I've never tasted my own cum. John? No.

Cody. Hey guys. What's up? Nothing, man. What do you got on? You thought it was a good idea for King Felix to stick around? Yeah,

dude. So I live in Kansas city. I am all life. And there's not a whole lot of awesome stuff that goes on here. But like George Brett has been living on Easy Street for, like, 40 fucking years. Like, he hasn't played since I've been alive. And there's no way he's paid for a single meal for the last 30, 40 years. Right.

He's the king of the city. I believe, I mean, George Brett is an absolute bona fide immortal. He's also much better than Kingfield. Yeah. Did he win a World Series? Yeah, he did. He did, 1985. Yeah, he won a World Series.

He batted 370 in the World Series. What are we even talking about? It's just not a comparison. He's the best third baseman of all time, but who's the better mariner than King Felix? I mean, I know you guys are bashing him, but... Ken Griffey? Ken Griffey? Alex Rodriguez? Randy Johnson? He's a pitcher. But I, I know you guys are bashing him, but... Ken Griffey? Ken Griffey? Alex Rodriguez? Randy

Johnson? He's your best pitcher? I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I guess, but like, is being the best pitcher in Mariners history... Randy Johnson's in the Hall of Fame, right? I mean... I don't know if I would... Would you call him a... I'd call him a Mariners pitcher. I think of him as a Diamondback, because he won the World Series there. He won the World Series there,

but I think he won a Cy Young. I think you guys are bashing him, but like, he did have six years of like 200 and... Sorry, go ahead. He had six years of like 230 innings, averaging a strikeout per inning with a sub-3 ERA.

That's a pretty massive... We're obviously embellishing our bashing a little bit. But they never won anything. Just a tiny, tiny, tiny little bit. But, I mean, he plays every five games. He's not really a part of the winning. That's why pitching staff is more important. That's why I'm saying he's a bum for staying.

I mean, I just don't think this dude from Venezuela even wants to live out his days in Seattle either. I don't even know if he's going to stay there. Look, I don't make know if he's going to stay there. I don't make Hall of Fame calls myself. I'm just saying what people in baseball who do the voting for the Hall of Fame say. He's not going to be a Hall of Famer.

George Brett, he's come here. He loves the barbecue. He loves the town. He probably wants to be there. For all I fucking know, where's he from? He's from West Virginia. It all kind of seems to make sense. I don't think Felix Hernandez is going to raise his family and live out his days in Seattle if he's not playing there anymore. Do you?

I don't think so either. And I think George Brett, next time he comes in, he's going to kick our ass if we even bring him into this conversation. Well, we didn't. He's like, I'm a fucking legend who won World Series and beat the shit out of baseball. 370 in the World Series, bro. Keep your name, keep George Brett's name off your fucking mouth when you talk about Felix Hernandez.

Fucking unbelievable. God, he was the coolest guy ever. That's still one of the favorite quotes ever said to me. I would bat 500 or whatever. I would bat 500 if the shift was around for my day. How would you do that? Just fucking hit it to where they're not. No, he goes, how would you do that? I would just word or not no he goes how would you do that

i just i would just hit it whether or not because i can because i can i can he was like drinking a beer fingers covered in barbecue sauce grabbing like someone's phone being like i'm gonna film you and he was holding it all funny because his fingers were all fucking messy and he was just like shooting the shit i was was like, this man. I'm trying to think of it, especially considering the video that he put out with us. I think he's my favorite guest ever that came through Barstool. He's definitely about as high as he can be. I liked Home Run Derby with Poppy.

I liked getting to talk to Pedro year one. But George Brett, especially because that barbecue, that was the only barbecue I've ever liked. The only barbecue I'll accept from the barbecue is the best food in the world. The only George Brett cooks it. Mitch's meat, meet Mitch or something like that. That was unbelievable. We'll take this call before we hit the break.

JT says he's got the Tom Brady of rap. Who is it? It was good, y'all. I was thinking about it. I think that the rapper most comparable to Tom Brady is probably Drake. You know, Drake came from Toronto. Tom Brady's a six-round pick, so they both kind of came from obscurity. And now, you know, Drake's been running the game for, what, 11, 10, 11 years now, still putting out hits.

A lot of rappers have come and gone, but he's still doing it. And Tom Brady, still winning rings, still winning championships. A lot of quarterbacks have come and gone, trying to come to the crown. But Tom Brady's still out here producing. I think that kind of works, too, because I think that Tom Brady, I think Drake can rap and sing. I think Tom Brady did his, like, I'm the game manager type quarterback and then did, like, I can throw for 50 fucking touchdowns.

Drake might be the guy. Yeah, that's a pretty strong comp. I think we didn't think of fucking touchdowns Drake might be the guy yeah that's a pretty strong comp I think we didn't think of it because Drake's younger but I think it's a pretty strong comp and it also doesn't feel like Drake has just been like around for 10 11 years you know what I'll even say how long it's been and like when he loses it doesn't really matter like Tom Brady loses a bunch

of Super Bowls as many as he's won kind of and it's like well he's still gonna go back out there and you're still gonna like him like he found out he had like a secret baby with a porn star no one gave a shit i still don't ever think that was that negative of a thing well no i mean but if you if you're drake and you're not wanting it out there yeah yeah but like it's not a negative thing like like oh i think drake should have handled that differently where he was just like yeah i mean i was trying to like keep a baby private did you did you really get me but he just didn't that's why it became such a big deal he handled that so

poorly i guess like because the girl isn't like high quality or whatever but to me if it was just like i don't know if if big cat wanted to keep his baby completely secret and someone like outed him would it be like oh you burned him no but dan said he was having a baby. I think that was the difference. It was like, but if he didn't, if Dan was just like, I'm a blogger, so I didn't want people to know, I like, I wanted to protect my baby from the internet. Would people be like, dude, you got buried? No, but I think the rap game is just so different. It's like, yeah, it just never made sense to me. I've never in that whole whole battle I remember thinking like Drake said so much more about Pusha T being like an unsuccessful rapper

versus like you just talk about Secret Baby I don't I don't think any less of somebody if they have a Secret Baby no

but I think the way that Drake handled it was like he like didn't want anybody to know he should have just been like so what and then people would have been like

oh yeah so what alright cool last break of the day let's hit it. Chicks in the office coming up at three. We'll take you through. Outro Music