KFC Radio - The San Francisco Armory

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Review, and share with a friend! -We read over the best comments from our youtube to find out what people have learned from the show -Friend of the program Jensen Karp lit the internet on first when he discovered shrimp tails in his cinnamon toast crunch -What are the best cereals? -We had a contestant on ASL who dated a felon (arson/battery/manslaughter) and was involved in a sting operation to take him down -People can't seem to grasp what an "underrated" movie is -Feits had another awkward with a lyft driver involving Ed Sheeran -AITA Thursday -Voicemails -What does the San Francisco Armory mean to you? Subscribe to our youtube with one click: http://barstool.link/KFCRADIOYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You ever just drop down to your goddamn knees and think about the butterfly effect that it took to get here because that was one of the funniest moments of my life and it will stick with me forever and so we had to start this episode and talk about all the things we talked about to the only chain of events that would lead to that you know if we didn't bring up q anon we wouldn't have brought up this and if that didn't come up, we wouldn't have brought up that. And it all led to you knowing.

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm looking at the YouTube page, looking at the latest episode that you motherfuckers better be subscribed to because I'm getting fucking sick of it. I'm getting sick. Do you know how sick you are of hearing it? We're sicker of mentioning it.

Yes. There's an easy way at it. I feel like I'm like a mom where it's like, well, if I didn't, if you just did the dishes, I wouldn't tell you to have to do the dishes. So just do them. Except in this case, I'm asking you to just click a fucking button. We made it as simple as goddamn possible with that link that just automatically subscribes you.

You don't have to type in your name. You don't have to type in a username. You don't have to type in the password. You click a button and it just says subscribe. Yes. It's pretty crazy that we have to even dumb that process down for people. But we did. We do.

And it's actually – you really should get into the habit of watching on YouTube and commenting on YouTube because last episode we posed the question of – or you posed the question from your black book of stupidity. What is like – what's the most valuable thing you learned through like a stupid thing stupid place and people listed our show right a lot of people said i've learned wasn't the question at all this is the dumbest place you've learned something right and everyone was like you something from kfc yeah it's like just name like two people who are idiots who taught you something kfc radio so a lot of the comments on that episode are all the things they learned.

Top comment. The thing I learned the most is to not cry in front of a girl during Miracle. You can and will lose her and then you will be depressed and it will spiral out of control and affect you several years later. That is a good comment to have. That's a great lesson.

That's more important than learning cursive, learning that lesson. Absolutely. There are so many things you learn in school that are less important than that. Sure. Let's talk about it. You got cursive. Cursive is completely useless. You've got anything trigonometry, sine, cosine, tangent.

You don't even know what I'm talking about. You don't even know nothing. I was going to say I never – You don't know nothing. I was going to say I never took trigonometry, but I do know what – I know what they are, but I've heard those words. You've heard those terms. And so, yeah.

Like sine, cosine, tangent. And then forget about it. Did you ever do any – I know you didn't do calculus, but did you pre-calc? I did – I think I did pre-calc i did i think i didn't pre-algebra that's just called like arithmetic is that so maybe before algebra maybe it was like the last literally addition subtraction multiplication okay so that's not it the the last math i took my senior year high school was a pre-something it was probably pre-calc and i never took a math again i'll always remember like the like first day class was like okay at the end of the year you guys had this big big

project and it's gonna be basically your entire grade and you you pair up into twos and you do this like i think she explained like i don't god i don't even really remember at this point but like it was supposed to be like using math to find out like interesting things. Like basically like I think the way she the example she gave were like like people had used math to find out those crazy interview questions. Like how many ping pong balls fit on a plane or how many fucking. Okay. How many streetlights are there in Manhattan? That kind of shit. Thank you.

And me and my buddy. You've met him, Graham, we just explained how sailing works. And at the end of it, it was like that thing from Happy Gilmore, from Billy Madison. There was no point. She was like, you guys just didn't even do any math in that entire thing. She's like, that's physics. That's like science, not math at at all she was flabbergasted she's like that was and and she didn't stop you she let you go let him finish the whole presentation and it was you're talking about like um like wind and and force and you know inertia and by the thing is too i don't know how sailing works so i didn't say anything i just graham is a sailor

right like he knows that shit. So that's what's funny is that's what Billy Madison did. He was talking, like, using big words and smart analogies because he does know the subject, but it's just not mathematics. It just wasn't math. I think she said in front of the whole class, I'm going to give you guys a D so you can graduate, but that wasn't math. What's your stupidest moment ever in school is that it i mean it's gotta be yeah can i tell you the dumbest moment in my in my school history i said i this isn't stupid this is the meanest thing i ever did where someone said how do you spell my biology teacher my

freshman year his name and like how do you spell so-and-so's name and i said fat because he was crazy fat and like it wasn't like i wasn't trying to make a joke it just came out yeah and it was just like it was the stupidest thing i've ever done to me like and like the whole class erupted into laughter and he got bright red and you're like i'm so sorry and i was like i'm so i don't i literally wasn't doing like i wasn't trying to make a joke that's that's that's that's actually the worst yeah that just means you're you're you're a bad person yeah like that just came naturally that became my soul i'm a bully that one came out of blame god on that one in sixth grade jonathan ross asked our teacher if rocks are alive that was the dumbest moment he's so stupid sorry government names on this one but he was so

dumb i i in knowing that story i used to you know i always told people like that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard in school and it's so simply like so simple that i got it i started to mix up the story with billy madison when he said when he couldn't spell rock because remember like the the the dad is like you failed i paid off your teacher to to you passed the fourth grade spelling bee it was couch wasn't it no that's part of it too but that's when they do another another spelling bee but he's like your fourth grade you know uh teacher gave you like the spelling bee uh championship when you spelled rock R-O-K. And Billy Madison's like, what's the problem?

He's like, R-O-C-K. And so I went around telling people that Jonathan Ross didn't know how to spell rock. And it was worse. I was going to say, yeah. It was worse than the Hollywood version. He asked if rocks were alive. And God blessed my teacher who was this sexy moron. There were so many dumb teachers that were hot in the Bronx, and I think she was just like, no, they're not.

Moving on, and somebody get the short bus. Somebody get him out of this classroom. You're thinking of blood from a stone, but they don't actually have blood. Jonathan Ross was not thinking of blood from a stone. I promise you that, brother. The dumbest thing i ever did this is not even like school or academics this is just flat out like lack of just understanding of things in the world we did a spanish project in junior year so i'm like old enough i'm like you know functioning adult maybe even senior year

i can drive at this point the government knows i exist right i i am like you know yeah i'm i'm a functioning human member of society we had to do a project where we cooked some sort of spanish food and i'm not about that it must have been senior year because i was like i am not i don't give a fuck anymore so a lot of people are cooking paella and all these like spanish things where they put like effort into it i looked up i found like spanish hot chocolate which is just hot chocolate with like a little bit of some sort of spice in there so i well yeah i've actually had yeah yeah okay Yeah, okay. So I make whatever this fucking thing is, and I put it in, like, a thermos. And in my dumb fucking head, I'm like, it's hot chocolate. It's got to be warm.

I just didn't put it in the – I put it in the fridge. So I just, like, left out, like, milk, like, overnight. Like, I made it the night before. I just, like, let it sit out. It was just sitting there, like, in the room before i just like let it sit out it was just sitting there like in the in the room all day like baking in the sun and then it came time to uh to test it to drink it and miss mrs snyder she poured herself a cup and she drank it and she was like oh like you know we'll give you you know we'll give you a D on this one. But like, uh, I think like you, maybe you didn't follow the instructions well.

And I was kind of like the, like you didn't follow the recipe. Well, I was like, there's no way I could have fucked the recipe up. It's just like milk and you know, the chocolate. And then this little thing,

like I promise you it's not. And as I'm saying that out loud, I'm like, it's not the recipe. Oh, I know what it is. And I was like, you drank spoiled milk.

Here's the problem here, is that I don't think you did a single thing wrong. As you're explaining that, I'm like, yep. You would do it too. Okay, so I didn't do anything. It's logical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes sense to dumb people.

Keep it fresh and then just heat it up, you dumbass. I think at one point she did kind of figure out i feel like i remember her being like well did you put it in the fridge and i kind of was like well no because it's hot chocolate and i realized what she meant and i was like oh no no i kept it in to the west side yeah you drank curdled milk bitch god moronic so anyway let's read through some of these comments here from YouTube. And please make sure you do subscribe as I read through them. If you're watching, because since you're probably watching on YouTube now,

I'm wearing my bare bottom. I love these fucking shirts so much, too. They're comfy as hell. Dude, they're so fucking soft. I just sit there and I just do this. I just rub it. I just rub it on my body. I got the red one. I got a blue one. rub it on my body. I got the red one.

I got a blue one. I got a green one. I got a tan one. It happens all the time in the office. We catch Kevin like, are you playing with your nipples? He's like, no, I'm just playing with my shirt. I'm just sitting there. You know what else happens too?

You'll catch Casey will run up and be like, you can't be rubbing me. Okay? People are going to get ideas. So these are the long sleeve tees that are so goddamn soft. And I wish I could tell you that they're made of some material you've never heard of. It just says, like, cotton, but it's, I mean, it does a disservice to be like, it's just a cotton shirt. It's like, no. No, it's different.

This is something special. That says cotton. It's a lie. Yeah. It's like, I think it's like polyester and cotton. Like, I'm really sure you've ever seen them. Like, no. No, no, no, no. They do something different. It's made out of, like, a unicorn's tail. Yeah. That's like, I think it's like polyester and cotton. Like, I'm really sure you've ever seen them. Like, no, no, no, no, no.

They do something different. It's made like a unicorn's tail. Yeah. That's what it's made out of. They just can't put that. It's illegal to put on a tab so they lie and say it's cotton. Yeah, like somewhere they're killing unicorns and using their tails to make these shirts. Imagine that.

Over in China, they're just slaughtering these things. Give me the unicorn horn and the tail. We got to make some joggers and a shirt because they also, they do have these joggers that are like kind of like jeans. Not quite though with the, like the tight around the ankle, but not like so tight that you look like you're trying to be Justin Bieber. They have a hoodie that is like,

it's made out of like denim fiber. So it's not like you're wearing like jeans, uh, like a jean jacket hoodie, but it's, it's just got like good weight to it and kind of covers up a lot of lumps and stuff like that. Just a great,

like this is one of my favorite new sponsors. Like I'll be, you can catch me on, on any given day. I might be head to toe bare bottom with the pants and the shirts. So, uh, on any given day, I might be head to toe bare bottom with the pants and the shirts. So go to bare bottom clothing dot com and use the promo code

KFC and you will get free shipping on your first order. It's bare like the animal B-E-A-R bottom clothing dot com. Use code KFC. Get free shipping on that first order. I heavily, heavily recommend getting the long sleeve T-shirts.

I am a large, so I am six feet tall, 185 pounds and skinny fat. Use me as the barometer. Barebottomclothing.com. Get the T-shirt, the hoodie, and the joggers. I bet Barebottom is very thrilled to have someone speak English while they do an ad read. I remember that one in particular when I was doing that ad read. And I was like, no one can understand a word I'm saying right now.

What accent were you going for? Scottish. Scottish. Bad boy, I'm gonna call my slash the fuck if you can't see. I'm like, no one knows what I'm saying. I bet you we got like a make good on that and they didn't even tell us. They're like, yeah, you're gonna have to do another one.

Alright, so some of the other lessons learned from KFC I bet you we got like a make good on that. They didn't even tell us. Yeah, you're going to have to do another one. All right. So some of the other lessons learned from KFC radio, along with never cry in front of a woman during Miracle. One of your mantras here, stop spreading hate and hate yourself. It's easier. Feidelberg. Man, I hear things I said and I'm like, why did I say that? No, it makes perfect sense.

I mean, it makes sense. Internalize your hate. Also, you sound like a loser. Well, yeah. Yeah, I know. We're fucking losers. Stop spreading. See, I think I said it differently.

It was in the tone of my voice. How do you think I was saying it? I said it differently It was in the tone Of my voice How do you think I said it angry It makes more sense If you're like Just stop spreading hate And just fucking hate yourself Yeah

That makes more sense Because if you're like Stop spreading hate Yeah yeah yeah Like stop spreading hate Feels like one of those Logos from One of those slogans

From MTV in the 90s You know what I mean Like rock the vote Stop spreading hate You know But yeah Just internalize yourself Internalize your hate one of those slogans from mtv in the 90s you know what i mean like like rock the vote stop spreading hate you know but yeah just internalize yourself internalize your hate hate yourself is and then you realize that like and then you're not doing like anybody harm yeah it's obviously yourself and you also realize how how fucking detrimental it is to hate someone yeah yeah because it's like oh i am ruining myself and you're okay with doing that to

other people you're a bad person yeah it's a good lesson you hate yourself you realize the power of hate and you're like boy this is not healthy at all to hate uh christian says the best thing i've learned is that therapy does not work if you lie to your therapist so So, I'm just going to give up on that shit. So, it's so, it is impossible for me at least to tell someone, to like admit to someone

when I'm wrong. I can't admit when I'm wrong. So I can't be like, you know, when they're like, and so what did you say? And I'm like, well,

if I tell you what I said, you're going to like think I'm an asshole. Yeah. So I'm not going to tell you the truth. I'm going to make myself look better here. Yes, right. I'm not going to make myself ever look bad on purpose.

It is. But I guess people do that. In our world, it's like, at least for me, I'm always like, we have this image in the public where it's like, I got to look good. I got to look cool. I got to look funny. I got to look relatable. I'm not going to just let people know I look bad. No fucking way look cool, I gotta look funny, I gotta look relatable, I gotta da-da-da-da. I'm not gonna just let people know I look bad. No fucking way, right?

Dude, I just motherfuck everybody, and I'm just like, I don't even understand how anything I did was less than perfect. And I'm gonna spit a tale that makes it look like I'm right. I think I don't do that enough.

What? Make myself look good. I only do it by therapist but my therapist thinks i'm the greatest person ever she's like what is this guy even doing here like i don't tell her that i sleep till 2 p.m most days because they would be like oh boy red flag okay you keep telling me you don't want to go on medication, but I'm going to make you go on medication. Well, we started recording today at, you know, what time now? It's 2.50. We started probably like half an hour ago.

You were here 10 minutes before that. So let's call it right around 2. You said you slept till 1.53? 1.53 I woke up. Also pretty impressive. I was going to say, you got here. Yes, you got here at like 2.10. Yeah, it took me about 15 minutes to get here.

Did you shower? You showered? No, I didn't feel the hair. No, that's okay. I did the whole shebang. I woke up at 2.10. Yeah. It took me about 15 minutes to get here. Did you shower? You showered? I did the whole shebang. I'm just – Woke up at 1.53. 1.53. You're depressed. You're on a serious downswing.

I've been – Serious. So I've done nothing but sleep for about the last 48 hours. And I'm just like – I just must be tired from my trip. I came – I gained time. I was gone for two days. Like, it's like I went to war. I just must be exhausted.

The altitude, bro. Yeah, yeah. You gotta tell your therapist that. It was the altitude. I was sitting in the cab on the way in today being like, man, I'm just really tired from going to Colorado for 48 hours. And then I was like, nah, dude, it's not that. It's the chemical imbalance.

It is the hormonal imbalance. Yesterday I was awake for four hours. Yeah. Like the full day. I woke up. Bro, I felt so bad. Actually, we originally were going to watch our Bitcoin game together. And then I ended up not being able to stay.

And that game tipped off at 8.45, and then it was like a blowout. And you were just sitting here in the office at like 10.30 and coming fresh off your trip, right? And I was just like, oh, man, I feel like I left like Band of Brothers. I left my brother in a foxhole. And you know what it was? It got away from you. That fucked you up, and you're just catching up. Yeah, I'm just foxhole. You know what it was? It got away from you. That fucked you up and you're just catching up. Yeah, I'm just catching up.

It's not mental illness at all. Colton. By the way, to get back to the original point here, I'll tell my therapist, none of this. How are you doing? Great. How have you been sleeping? Amazing. Unbelievable. I had a great time in Colorado. You know what would be funny? So how are you doing you doing great i've been waking up at totally normal hours

okay not not what i am uh colton and this is i think this is a real one uh the jjo movement has been by far the most educational thing i've taken from kfc radio the just jerk off movement is one that i mean it's not we certainly didn't invent it but um you know the young the young men and i guess women we didn't think it applies to women that didn't you well obviously like the idea of masturbating jjo we made up but the idea that you need to masturbate before any important decisions or big moments in your life is i mean i can't really i masturbate before shows come back from a commercial break there's gonna be a big reveal i'm gonna find out who the killer is i gotta have a

clear head i mean i really can't tell you and you really you know when people say like relationships at work i've been reiterating this a lot recently people say like relationships at work and then it's like it really is like the way that you go to work and have to do shit that you really don't like but you know you have to that's like what they mean like relationships you got to do that shit you have to consciously jerk off it's like you have to really think about yourself like you know it's like man i've been like a real asshole to my boyfriend or girlfriend or like whatever i was being a real irritable jerk like oh i gotta go jerk off i'm like oh i got something coming up like okay i gotta make sure i know i gotta i got a presentation make sure i go to the

bathroom first i gotta make sure i'm all i talked to oh wait i gotta jerk off gotta make sure clear the pipes these are things you know before you before you make a bad and you know what i get a lot of people who are like oh like jjo you should have JJO'd before you cheated. It's like, I did. Like, JJO can fail. The problem is when you JJO and then you're like, nope, still have problems. I'm still thinking that. That is the issue.

It's like it should get all the – you get the poison out and you get the thoughts out. When the thoughts are still there, then you know you're in trouble. That was the day. People talk about having – when you finish up and the porn is still playing and you're like, oh. I never had that feeling. I know you don't care about it. It's like most people are like, oh, I'm looking at the inside of an asshole. I don't need to see that.

I remember having a moment. I'm still intrigued. Yeah, you're like a scientist. You're like in your math class talking about the fucking anatomy but that the the way that people have that feeling with the porn that was the feeling i was having all those years ago it was like i'd be sitting there like leaning over the sink holding it done being like oh no i'm in trouble because i because i'm still having these thoughts so the jjo movement for sure put that one up there. Put that on the board. I was holding over this thing.

You ever do that? Yeah, I mean, you put your dick on the granite. Yeah, I love the rubber. I love it as granite touch. Oh, my God. The best thing I've learned is that college is just a four-year funeral for the rest of my life. That's true. That is a big fact. That's very true.

Huge fact. It's a funeral. learned is that college is just a four-year funeral for the rest of my life that's true that is a big fact that's very true huge fact it's funeral but you also have to have like a the kind of family and friends who die where funerals are fun because if you've grown up thinking funerals are sad then you probably wouldn't relate to that statement right but if you like every funeral i've been to one of the better parties i've been to yeah biggest booze bag really yeah every funeral I've been to was a really great time. Better than the wedding. You know what's funny? In a lot of the Irish weddings, I feel like it's like

they're getting together and everyone's like, oh, yikes, these two shouldn't be getting married. And at the funeral, they're kind of like, that old bastard, it was time for him to go. It's totally reversed, at least in my family. Number one thing I learned from this podcast, delete my Twitter. I think that could mean that from a number of ways.

I feel like you can be like, don't get fired and delete all your dumb thoughts. Or it can be like, get off of that toxic wasteland. Yeah, I would say my thought went to that's a high school recruit. Right, right. Like, I need to clean up my shit. Yeah. I'm about to get rid of my Edwards. Get rid of my Edwards.

Number two, if you're breaking up with someone uh don't do it at the beginning of dinner because it might turn out quite awkward um best thing i've learned uh no wait um this is a deep cut best thing i've learned was to never accept an espresso martini without three coffee beans that's a deep cut that is the real ones now one of the funniest things like obviously it was not funny in the moment but looking back because i remember you being like ah who gives a shit man don't worry how real could that be and then i remember also the phone call i got six hours later the facetime i got six hours later i didn't have i had to facetime from my computer you know what i was actually thinking about that the other day and how fucked up I am and how much we use humor as a crutch.

I remember there was a couple jokes in that phone call. My life had literally ended. And I was like, well, the only thing I can do is joke. The only way I can get through it is joke about it. Much like the feels a good party. One of the funnier phone calls I've had. Do you know what else was, you know, what else was unbelievable? It was you intentionally trying to be funny.

And it was like, this is funny, man. Like, I get it, but this is funny. One of the, one of the most ridiculous parts of that. I had, so I didn't have my phone on this horrible night i have to g chat john and i explained the situation and john being the ride or die friend that he is i don't know if you remember this you wanted to confirm that it was me and that it wasn't you know someone who had hacked into my you know so that you weren't going to like rat me out. Basically your like code to find out if it was me is what's your favorite drink? You were like, what, what, like, what, like, what do you like? What's your favorite drink to order at the bar?

And I was like, espresso martinis. And you were like, okay, it's you. As if the whole world didn't know that. I don't remember that. I do remember asking you a question. I didn't remember what the question was It was something espresso martini related What's your middle name?

Okay good it's not Kevin's dad Great call back Oh man But I remember I remember like thinking So I'm sitting there i'm sitting on the steps down to my basement in the dark with my laptop and it's like bring and that pops up and all simultaneously i have the thought of this is a really good friend like really ride or die and

like guy code i understand what he's doing and god damn it is he stupid it's like espresso martini it's me you fucking moron motherfucker but I don't even know what a sale so good um I mean there's a bunch here there's 86 comments that um you know that there there are just best thing I've learned is that you have good days and bad days, but above all else, Sour Patch Kids needs to cut the check. Shout out to you, Greg. There's really so many good ones here that... Sour Patch Kids, by the way, is upset with me.

Well, we're upset with them! The person who runs their Twitter is very mad at me, because people keep tweeting them, being like, have you guys paid fights yet? And they just always reply, because I'll get added in both, and they'll always reply, the second he sends a DM that we told him to send us, we'll fucking send a DM.

And I just won't reply. Well, that's a perfect segue into the biggest viral news of the week is our guy Jensen Karp with his Cinnamon Toast. Did you even know this? Yeah. Okay, because you were in a coma for 48 hours. So I don't know. No,

this happened Monday. Yeah. Okay. I just didn't know if you were keeping up with it. It's, it's amazing. Jensen sleep for the last two days. Are you,

are you tired? Like, are you gonna be able to go to sleep tonight? Are you going to go to sleep right now? Yeah. So, so Monday, Jensen Karp,

who is, he's been on Casey radio and part part of my take he's good friends with roan um he goes viral on twitter because he found shrimp tails and rat shit in his cinnamon toast crunch he thought it was dental floss but yeah it was just like it was like someone just used that box of cinnamon toast crunch as a trash garbage yeah and it was dental floss, but yeah. It was like someone just used that box of cinnamon toast crunch as a trash box. Garbage, yeah. And then it was like, alright, we'll close it up. Yeah, a little chef, he's cutting up, throw that in there, let me

floss that shrimp out, throw that in there. There's a rat running there, takes a shit. Yeah, the string, look at that, wow. So he, unfortunately, eats like a whole bowl first and then then he looks in the bag, and he realizes, like, wait a second. So this became, I mean, this was a viral. They should, like, write a little Harvard business study about this one, the virality of this.

The New York Times wrote about this. Really? Yes. Like a full fucking Times article. When I saw it, it actually wasn't that big yet. Because I follow Jensen. Yeah, right. It wasn't like...

Well, two things happened. It was a well-liked tweet, but it wasn't massive. Two things happened. The New York Times picked up on it and shit. Jensen did TMZ and all that. And then slowly the internet learned who Jensen was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, wait a minute.

This guy is married to Topanga. Wait a minute. This guy is a rapper who has a song with Kanye West. I've said it before. Jensen Karp is the most interesting man in the world. Yeah. He has a story. What's the story he told us about Kanye O's and $300?

Kanye O's and $300. They were hanging out in the studio. He rented a car for Kanye. Yeah, he sent him home in a car service or rented a car for him. He rented a car for con yeah he sent him home in like a car service or rented a car for him because they had to come in so many times and like the they were staying so late that the train was not running anymore right right and then he was gonna like him a car yeah yeah because i think he had some plan to like sleep on the couch or some crazy way to get home he's like i'll get you i'll rent you a car. So yeah, he wrote a memoir called Kanye West Lows Me $300. He has songs with Kanye who produced the beat.

He has songs featuring Redman and Maya and Fabulous. He has punchlines that are like every single one of his rhymes is a punchline that's like, oh, like layers to it where you got to be like the wordplay is unbelievable. He's got that like white guy rapper, like a little bit of a nasally voice it's eminem it's just eminem unfortunately eminem had burst on the scene like just before him and eminem as we've come to know with machine gun kelly and jensen now he his name was hot carl was his uh was his uh pseudonym like but that's uh that's when someone like takes shit on your chest yeah it's not the cleveland seamer but no i call it something to do with shit yeah it did definitely yeah so he he

just he did that as a joke so his whole story before we get back to the the shrimp tales because i think this his story is just fascinating you can go listen to rkfc radio about it he called into a radio station and did like battle of the beats and you would rap over the phone and battle another listener and it was every friday or something and he won like 60 weeks in a row he was on for like a year straight because nobody could beat him and so he got a look from like interscope records he made this album at that point kanye uh at that point eminem was big and was like you can't have another like white rapper like that's my lane and just totally squashed like his whole career and uh so he since went on to become a

writer and a comedian he worked for funny or die he And, uh, he, so he since went on to become a writer and a comedian, he worked for funny or die. He writes scripts and all that shit. So he's doing fine. And he marries Topanga, Daniel official from boy meets world, which is like everybody's crush. So he's doing,

he's doing all good, but it's just, it's like this, you know, side, this like whole untold underground rapper story. Um, but now I,

I, I DM Tim and I was like, isn't it like, is it funny? Or is or is it like like let me ask you this is it would it do you find it to be annoying or like is it a good thing that all of the work he's ever done all the rap all the writing marrying you know an iconic girl all that shit it's all out the window he's now known as shrimp town the amount of work he's done the amount of times he's tried to go viral with funny shit and probably did with funny or die he probably has some massively viral shit not as viral as the time that he just he has the one the shia labeouf right yes yeah yeah yeah that was

tough shia labeouf doing one of his arts LaBeouf prank that was tough Shia LaBeouf Shia LaBeouf doing one of his artsy things and he pulled up like right next to him and he did like a spoof just to fuck with him or whatever

Matt Dillon Matt Balmer I forget exactly who it was just totally like fucked with him it was Jerry O'Connell Jerry O'Connell yes that's who it was

they just totally mocked him went viral with that and Shia was just like the fuck man was just like earnestly just like hey just so you know that was really like that was like my life's work yeah i poured my heart and soul into it you just completely made a mockery of it but all of that

all those attempts to go viral pale in comparison to him just unknowingly eating shrimp tails in his in his uh cinnamon toast crunch and he was like yeah i mean what the fuck yeah he was like sometimes i think i said to him like what somebody just punch me in the dick. Like, I'm going to walk in tomorrow and just, pow, punch me in the dick, and we'll go more viral than anything else we do that day. Our names will get out there more than anything. You know, it's like jackass, I guess. I don't know.

Just, like, smash me over the head with a fucking piece of glass. Ah, let's go viral. So, anyway, the New York Times writes about it. My favorite thing, and the reason why I brought it up when you talked about the Sour Patch Kids, is the interactions he had with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, their social media accounts. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Which I said last night, and I stand by it.

I don't. This is incorrect. I think it is. It's a good cereal. I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It is not the no questions asked number one thing. Yes, it is. It's not. It is. It's good. It's a very good cereal. I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It is not the no questions asked number one thing if you like to act like it is. It's not. It is.

It's good. It's a very good cereal. Well, first of all, it just objectively is. I'll give you like a top five cereal. If you're talking about like what is the most, if you're talking about, you know, the world's, the consensus, number one, it is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It is. So you are objectively wrong.

It is 100% not the top-selling cereal. I don't know about top-selling because that's like Big Bang Theory, whatever. I'm saying the most popular amongst people that matter, it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The demo that matters. The most popular amongst people who have a Twitter account. Like old people probably eat in total. You know what I mean?

You're going gonna skew with a lot of shit i would i would say that there's a chance that something classic like honey nut cheerios sneaks in the back door yeah for sure but i think out of like the demo let's say 18 to like 40 something is there an 18 to 40 maybe 18 to 50 ctc is going to be is going to be the number one coley actually had a problem like not too long ago coley is is king cereal but he also has very like specific tastes i said it's not a top five right you said you will give it top five yeah it is it is number five yeah so sales yes yeah so it already kind of does have so look at this okay cheerios honey nut cheerios that's just like a 1-1-a sort of thing frosted flakes which are better than cinnamon toast crunch

and honey bunches which is trash that's crazy that says i like i like the fact that cinnamon toast crunch frosted flakes is better cinnamon toast crunch being top five in sales on that list also proves like it's that's like if you have that's like being the number one artist like your your record's number one but you're also like you didn't sell out to do it you know what i mean like cinnamon toast crunch is the cool cereal but also still tops the list for just sales as well it does it all i i was at all here's i'll get the better the better cereal is on this list. Ready? One, Frosted Flakes. No. Two, Frosted Mini Wheats.

Nope. Three, Raisin Bran. No. Yeah. No. Four, Special K Red Berries. Five. This is how you know John has no...

Reese's Puffs. You can just keep talking. No one's listening. Six, Raisin Bran Crunch. Literally no one's listening. Seven, Apple Jacks. Nobody cares. Nobody cares what you're saying.

Those are... Once you tell me, sir, sir, once you tell me that Special K Red Berries are the most underrated cereal on the planet Earth right now. Are better than Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Yep.

You have no credibility for anything anymore. I will never value your opinion on anything ever again. Ever again. That's on you for ever valuing it. But it is raisin, Special K red berries. Have you never had them? Of course I haven't had them. Who the fuck would waste their time having Special K red berries

when they can have Cinnamon Ghost Crunch? Let me tell you something. If you're not fucking listening right now, the number one YouTube comment is going to be, best thing I learned on this show is that Special K red berries are fucking delicious. I have no problem if you want to tell me that Special K red berries is underrated. Not just. I'm Mr. Cracklin O'Brien.

I love Cracklin O'Brien. When I told people that, they're like, I never in a million years would have got this because it seems like old people cereal. And then they had it, and it's delicious, and I proved my point. But that's one thing. If you want to tell me it's underrated and good, I'll give it a whirl. To say that it's better than Cinnamon Soap Crunch, it makes me want to take an ax and chop off your head.

It's just such a preposterous thing to say. I mean, Special K Red Berries and Raisin Bran Crunch? Raisin Bran Crunch is fire. I like Raisin Bran, Raisin Bran Crunch. That is super underrated. Because that's when you hear bran and raisins, you think this is just for old people to try to ship. And it is delicious.

The only thing I will say is, much like Lucky Charms with their marshmallow ratio, I think their raisin ratio is a little bit off. Could be some more raisins. And you also, have you ever tried to add your own raisins? Doesn't work. Doesn't work. Doesn't work. Not sugar-coated.

And they're not, like, there's certain things with cereal. Cereal is a funny thing, funny game. A little bit of staleness is, like, the key to cereal. Cereal is a funny thing. Funny game. A little bit of staleness is like the key to cereal. So you put your own raisins in. They're almost soft and like juicy, if you will. I don't want that. I want my sugar-coated, freeze-dried. Same thing with marshmallows. You ever thought about this?

Marshmallows. Stay puffed, white, roast by the fire marshmallows. You get them in a bag. They're super soft and fluffy. And if those were to go stale and you took a bite and it's like hard you'd be like ah stale Lucky Charms marshmallows

start out freeze dried crispy like they're stale and you leave those out and they get soft and then you're like ah this marshmallow is soft wow I never thought about that because I don't care for Lucky Charms I don't care for lucky charms i know you said that before the marshmallows well i'd rather have just the brand the oats the lucky charms

oats i believe it is um how about i want you to try my um rice crispix charms okay it's rice crispies mixed with crispix and uh marshm. It's the best cereal on the planet. It's the best cereal no one's talking about. It's amazing. The Rice Krispies. Rice Krispies are great. They're just so small. You get like a thousand of those little puffs in one bit.

And then you have some good solid crunch from the Crispix. And you put your own amount a la carte. However many marshmallows you want. You can do a couple. You can do a thousand. You can do none. Great cereal. Give it a try.

Okay. Anywho, we are way off track. Way off track here because Cinnamon Toast Crunch, their Twitter account, I think it's at CTC Crunch,

something like that. CTC something. Stupid name, but that's what it is. Yeah, that can't be it because that would be redundant. Told him to go to the local police department.

What? Yes. I missed that. They said, go to the local police department what yes i missed that they said go to the police with the shark with the shrimp tails which is without a doubt the most preposterous thing that one of those accounts has ever had to say let me get your exact wording okay so he said uh dear mr carp thank you for getting back to us if you're unwilling to send so they they sent a uh email first saying send us the evidence he said why don't you just put all that in a box and send it to us he's like yeah sure thing so he said okay uh thanks for getting back to us if you're unwilling to send the items and serial package to us please provide these items to your local law enforcement. They may be product. This may be product tampering, and we need to investigate the packaging. So let me just roll down to the local precinct and be like, excuse me.

I need some help here. And it's like, what is it? Let me take some time out from solving this fucking murder case. I found this in my cereal. So Jensen was like, yeah, go fuck yourselves. I'm not going to the police with this. I had that happen to me once. Verizon told me that. To go to the police?

I lost my phone probably in high school. And they're like, well, we need a police report. And I was like, I have insurance, and I'm just telling you I lost my phone. Why'd you go to the police, though? I didn't go to the police, but they were telling us I had to. Wait, who? Sorry, who was telling you? Verizon was telling me. Verizon, Verizon. And they were like, you need a police

report for us to give you a new phone. You absolutely do not. And I was just like, no, I don't. I'm not doing that. I was like 17 years old. I was like, I'm not going to the police. Yeah. I just lost.

I'm not saying anyone stole it. I'm just saying it's missing. I lost my phone. I have insurance. I pay the monthly insurance, whatever. Is that like, you know, they're like, for the insurance to kick in, it has to be theft instead of losing it? I guess.

I never did. I just bought a new phone. Yeah, because you know what? I feel like every time people will just be like, I lost it. I need a new one. I need a new one. I need a new one. Let me upgrade. Let me upgrade. So they have... But that's... Yeah, I'm not going to the fucking police. Just because the police would be like,

fuck. I have to do this. I have to deal. I'm busy trying to solve cases with arsonists. By the way, we did our ASL last night on Twitter. One of the girls on Age Sex Location, if you haven't been listening, every Tuesday night, we do a

online social media matchmaking dating show. We did it on Clubhouse for the first few weeks. We did it on Twitter Spaces last night. If you're unfamiliar with either of those, Clubhouse is an all-audio app. Twitter just stole the idea because that's what social media apps do. They just steal the latest technology and put it into their app.

We're already a big name. We're a brand-recognized name. I'm just going to take your idea. How is that allowed in that world? I don't know. Wouldn't you think Clubhouse would be like, this is our intellectual property? But also, what is it? We invented talking on the phone. That's the problem. I guess that's why they can do it. It's so vague. Anyway, we get three guys and three girls. We ask them to answer the Internet questions.

We get to know them. We goof around. It's a great time. It's a very enjoyable show. But this one girl last night, Olivia, told a story that she went on a date with a guy and then went back to her house. And the police were there with her ex-boyfriend. And they were like, the guy you just went on a date with is

wanted there's a warrant out for his arrest in florida we need you to go on a second date like wear a wire and trap him and so we can arrest him and she was like all right what's the warrant for arson and manslaughter this motherfucker and battery battery this motherfucker beat someone set their house on fire and burned them alive and she went on a second date which I think is I would do it too

it's pretty cool to help the police and like get like vigilante justice is pretty fucking cool I wouldn't help them I'm no fucking snitch um

the you know what I'd do you know what I'd do I would go on a date with them her let's say and and I'd be at the restaurant, and I'd be having a date.

I'd be writing down, like, police are here. Like, we got to get out of here, baby. Like, so, when did you first move to Florida? Oh, recently? Why did you move from Alabama? Let me know. They're outside. We need to get to Mexico fast, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you

I think he was hot I think he was a hot felon I would love to run away Wouldn't you just love to run away with a criminal? You know what I watched recently? True Romance What a movie I know it's a Schwarzenegger Is that the Schwarzenegger with

I'm thinking True Lies Don't you ever do that again I will smack you in the face if you ever do that again Do you not know True Romance? I don't believe so Is that the bunny? Is the bunny boiled there? I don't know what that means

There's a movie where I had an ex-girlfriend once Who was a little A little out there You don't say And my dad said Just let me know if she's ever boiling bunnies. And I didn't know what that meant. And then I watched the movie, and it's like she breaks into his house and just makes him dinner.

I think it's Sharon Stone who does it. Somebody Google boiling bunnies? I mean, Sharon Stone had a run where she did a lot of crazy, like she was the crazy person in the movie. She was the crazy chick. Basic Instinct and all that stuff. It's really just probably the one. But also there's Boiling Bunny's movie. Fatal Attraction.

It's not Basic Instinct, it's Fatal Attraction. Yeah, that's funny. I guess I've never seen that movie. People know that when she shows her pussy and crosses her legs and all that shit. That's Basic Instinct? Wait, who's in basic instinct? No, fatal attraction is the one we're going to, basic instinct is, I forget, I don't know.

But yeah, no, Sharon Stone is, so that's it, she's in both. So I think, right, Sharon Stone, fatal, no, she might not be in that one. Fatal attraction is, see, even the world's fucked. Even the internet's confused. I just googled Sharon Stone, Fatal Attraction, and all this popped up. But isn't that Basic Instinct?

By the way, is Basic Instinct a real piece of shit movie? No, that was Basic Instinct 2. Oh, okay. Which movie is the interrogation scene with her pussy in? Basic Instinct. But then why does Google have that pop-up for Fatal Attraction?

Just Google Fatal Attraction. Not Sharon Stone's Fatal Attraction. Okay. But that is weird that that happens. Yes. Yeah, that's... Is that Glenn Close? Yes.

How weird is that? I think that people confuse those things so often that if you Google Sharon Stone Fatal Attraction, it's just a bunch of pictures of basic instinct. Wacky. I think Michael Douglas might be in both. Whatever. Anyway.

True Romance. True Romance is the special K Red Berries of movies it's the most underrated film quite literally of all time I think I've done this with you before I've rattled off the number of people in the movie it's the greatest cast you'll ever hear in your fucking life

it's written by Quentin Tarantino he's not yet a director at this point I think he was not on that level but he writes the whole thing and it is tons really I was just joking

I watched it again last night two nights ago tons and there's one scene Quentin Tarantino fucking loves making people say the unword

Papa John he's been trying to get it out of vocabulary for 20 years and he can't do it yeah that's what that's what's funny that he makes other

people say it like Christian Slater was looking at the fucking thing I mean come on I gotta do this there's a scene

with Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken Christopher Walken is this really bad guy really bad guy who's gonna torture him and I think Dennis Hopper he ain't no snitch Walken is this really bad guy, really bad guy, who's going to torture him. And I think Dennis Hopper, he ain't no snitch. He's not going to snitch on his son. And he also wants to – I think he wants to just kill me and get this over with.

So he tells this whole story to this hardcore old-school Italian guy. Hell, if you're from Sicily, that a of black guys from africa came to your island and took your girls and shit like that and you know enrages this old school dying guy so he just fucking offs him but they say it quite a bit in that in that monologue and that back and forth say quite a bit and then later there's a christian slater drop where he says it i'm gonna go back i'm gonna have to find this scene he just says it like so casually. He's like, I'm not going to do it to that. And it's not even talking to a black guy.

It was almost like he just said, like, bro, like, dude. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah. So Quentin Tarantino. It's just how Tarantino talks. Listen to this cast, man. Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Dennis Hopper, Val Kilmer, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Christopher Walken, Samuel L. Jackson,

James Gandolfini. It's, I mean, what? It's bananas. It's so fucking good. Brad Pitt is such a nobody in it. He plays Floyd, the guy on the couch. He's just like a stoner. And I think like nobody knew him at that point.

They were just like, we need like a pretty face who's sitting on the couch. Bronson Pinchot, you know, on Baki Bartakomos from Perfect Strangers. You might be too young for that. It was like a thing in the 80s. But he's like another guy, you know. And then just several other like guys, you're like, oh, I know him. I know him. The guy from Superbad who is hosting the party is the guy of the girlfriend.

I guess the period. I was like, that dude is in it. I know exactly who that, I don't know who it is, but I know exactly who it is. Yeah, I mean, just unbelievable cast and an unbelievable story that has a gratuitous amount of violence, like just a silly amount even for Quentin Tarantino.

And it has this song, the best part of this whole fucking thing is the theme music. The true romance theme music is a xylophone, and it is the best fucking music you'll ever hear. I will put the official stamp on it. It's the most underrated movie of all time. Really? With that, like, I will confidently tell you that.

Like, I have no problem putting that out there it's that, I mean just look at the cast that alone I have to be fucking right this this fucking yeah this is so good, I listen to this shit

to like go to sleep at night I listen to this shit when I'm ready to like absolutely commit suicide I listen to this shit to go to sleep at night. I listen to this shit when I'm ready to absolutely commit suicide. I listen to the kids finally go to sleep. I put this on. All the best moments of your life. But it's great because this is like, literally there's a picture of Christian Slater.

He just got shot in the eyeball. And they're just listening to this music and chilling. Watch it literally tonight. Speaking of movies, I do have to say – I'm probably pretty busy sleeping, but – I do have to say I agree with you on a take that I didn't think I agreed with you on. Okay. Until I did rewatch it, and that is This is the End.

Or is that what it's called? This is the End? The End of the World? Whatever. It's high points. I think are the funniest I've ever laughed, the hardest I've ever laughed at a movie. But when I rewatched it and Jonah Hill becomes the demon and shit, I was like, oh, this is really silly. And that can be funny.

Some people's humor is that. That's not my favorite kind of humor. Everyone is a stud. I'm not trying to. But yeah, so last night on Twitter, I was talking about some of the most underrated movies. Yeah, you know what? Let's do that. Underrated movies are brought to you by Black Rifle Coffee.

Some of the most underrated coffee you've ever had in your life is Black Rifle. You know, we know the big names. We know the big coffee. You know, the major players from Big Coffee. Big Coffee's been trying to hold down the little man for a long time. And along comes Evan Hafer, who is a u.s vet fought in iraq dude is so such a coffee guy while he was in iraq he took like some of the artillery and like modified it to become like a coffee machine like to grind up the coffee it was like one of the vans or something yeah right like just because

he's like i needed a good fucking cup of coffee over my rack. I'd probably just be like, I don't need coffee this bad. Not a coffee guy, man. Me personally, I would imagine my priorities would be different if I had been in an active war zone. But I don't know. My man needed his coffee. I was just like, I'll just drink water. I'm good.

I'm good with the water. But this guy, so, I mean, this dude knows coffee. And he, so, you know, from the fucking front lines of Iraq, back here home in America, just trying to keep people safe and bring them their daily cup of Joe, the Black Rifle Coffee. They have donated over 6 million cups of coffee to deployed soldiers and law enforcement and medical workers they have a a program called buy a bag give a bag

you see that there that's a bag of black rifle coffee um so you buy a bag like that they will donate it to all of the the uh first responders and the people who are serving and sacrificing all over uh the country today. So the coffee itself, they import all the coffee beans from all over the world. They roast five days a week so that it's all fresh. And they have a couple of facilities in Utah and in Tennessee. So it's all over the country. They'll ship it right to your door. And this shit wakes you up, man.

This stuff, the Black Rifle Espresso. It's a triple shot. 300 milligrams of like espresso. And God damn it, John, this is like 16 ounces. I mean, I thought you could only drink like a sip of fucking of espresso. This is 15 ounces. I've been told that will light you up. Yeah, that'll get you

going. For some reason, I do not handle caffeine very well, so I don't really drink much coffee. I'll be totally honest about that. But I do have those in my fridge for people who come over. And I've been told that fucking gets you going. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a huge coffee

guy, but what I am is the coffee drinks. Like the bottled, pre-bottled, pre-packaged, pre-canned coffee drinks. I actually like those a lot. And I like... Oh, give me a hit. Ooh. We're going to take it. It's got sweetness, too.

So that's a me drink. I don't know if you'll like that. It's probably a little too sweet for you. What do you think? That I like. That's quite nice. Yeah. Yeah.

It's funny because I like the espresso martinis but I don't like just a regular like plain old cup of coffee but you give me some black rifle coffee in the can rich mocha or you give me something that's got 300 milligrams of caffeine it's going to get me going I get down with it too so if you're a coffee person even if you're not much of a coffee person black rifle coffee is for you go to

blackriflecoffee.com slash KFC and use code KFC to get the freshest coffee in America shipped to you. That's BlackRifleCoffee slash KFC promo code KFC. Most underrated movie. So last night on – I forget what I was watching on HBO Max. Oh, I was watching the QAnon thing, which is really – it's a devastating look at the world. Everyone is so stupid.

I'm a person who fucking did a science project for a math class, and I look at people, and I'm like, you guys are idiots. You are. That, I would have to imagine there are real, there are other QAnon people who are like, they don't represent us, right? Do you think that there are people like, that they're like, yeah, those people, that's us.

Because that is straight out of Central Casting. Do you not see the sense they're making? I mean, I know, I don't think we're supposed to say this anymore, but the one guy I think is just retarded. And he's got this shirt that says, I do actually, I said this the other day on the Kevin Clancy show, I think I want to get the shirt that says, keep calm and Q&R. Yeah, oh, that guy's mentally challenged.

But he's retarded. Yeah. I mean, he's got the face and the voice. He looks like a retarded cartoon. Yeah. Like, if you took a fucking mentally challenged person to Disney or to Times Square. Yes. I'm drawing caricature.

And they'd be like, this is the guy. And he's like, you know, he's like, yeah. And then Donald Trump like pointed at me. I'm like, oh my God. And then there's the, and then not that, not to say that this means like you can't be smart or whatever but when they cut to the dude with no legs in the wheelchair holding the giant q with the fluffy puppy next to him i'm like this is this that's a cartoon character too i said it's like a mix between like uh he's like dr claw in his big chair with his fucking it's like dr evil mixed with dr claw mixed with you know i mean it

is it mixed with like mini me the whole thing is ridiculous there's only been one episode right right okay so yeah so it's it's into the storm on hbo it's on sunday nights 9 p.m this episode was actually more about to me that was more about like message boards and reddit versus 4chan where it was like who can post and how they can post and is it real and censorship like it wasn't much about there certainly was talk about the conspiracies but they didn't really dive into like all the theories and shit yeah it was well i think i think that's what most of it's going to be about yeah more i think they're also like i think those kind of shows are like very apologetic to like the victims which i do agree with to it to an extent where it's just like like how easy it

is to get wrapped up in this world. There's personal responsibility. You're obligated to have a fucking brain. I said that QAnon is much like religion where it's like these are just lost souls who need something to latch onto, a higher meaning and you know

you over here believe that there was this son of God who died and resurrected and he performed miracles and fish and bred into fish and walking on water and water to wine and resurrecting the dead and all that. That's pretty fucking silly. It is. And you over here believe that Hillary Clinton is a reptile and is raping kids. Those are silly stories that people who are just lost and a little bit like simpletons, a little bit kind of like ignorant to the world, just want to latch on to. And that's what they focus on because otherwise they can't process the world.

So it is – It's like your life doesn't have meaning so you have to have some – there has to be an outward meaning. There has to be a point. Because I think those people would be like – Which is so weird. Like, yeah, no, life doesn't have a point. Right, right. Why aren't you just fine accepting the fact that there's no reason for any of this?

Because those people would be like depressed about it where they'd be like like those people would tell you well if q is not real and like we're not fighting this then like the world is just a bunch of like rapists and pedophiles and horrible people and we're just like yeah and those but those people like can't ironically some people are bad and ironically you're gonna die and then that's gonna be it q anon people are probably the most like emotional of the bunch you know because they're like well then well then the world is just a terrible place if that's the case like yeah you fucking pussy you know yeah shut the fuck up about it stop with your goddamn fairy crying your Go cry in your goddamn soup and then fucking go to work. Right.

Go pay your bills and fucking that's it. Yeah. The world sucks. There are a bunch of pedophiles. It's not Tom Cruise and Oprah, but there are a bunch of pedophiles. And there are people eating kids and it's not reptiles. It's not fucking, you know. But I guess I feel like are there, is there some remaining group of QAnon that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got way off track here.

Like I was – I believed it when it was like the Epstein shit. When did you guys start talking about reptiles? Because that I could see if there's somebody being like, no, no, no. QAnon is really about like the government taking too much power and behind the scenes they are blah, blah, blah versus the reptiles and all that you know or is that no the whole movement's that way the blood drinking cabal I don't know the whole problem I think there was two main things that happened with QAnon

one Trump came to be with he was an outsider coming in so it could be like he's anti-government sometimes Q would post and Trump would tweet. The motherfucker tweeted all day. Yeah. You can connect his tweets to anything in the world because he was always tweeting.

All he did was tweet. I mean the phrase was there's always a tweet with Donald Trump, whether it was the topic or the timing or whatever. So no. But the fact that Donald Trump was an outsider, so it could be like he's taking down the standard government, big government, and that he used social media and he used the fact that he would give nods to the people and say these things. So they were like, now is the time.

We have the president to do it. And the second thing, what was the other? It was, I had, I'm so dumb. God, my brain just does not work anymore. The two reasons why QAnon... I can't help you here. Patton Oswalt. Nope.

Good guess. Whatever. Fuck. Bad podcasting, but it's also like I get nervous about my brain. Fucking A. Oh, well, this is not my point, but I do think part of it is like the world right now is. Oh, OK. Got it.

Yeah. Got it. Donald Trump came to be and Jeffrey Epstein happened because that then they were like, see, we're right. OK. And it became if one thing's true, everything's true, because that then they were like, see, we're right. And it became, if one thing's true, everything's true. Because that was a crazy fucking thing. One thing's true, people are reptiles.

And that's why I say if you... There was a pedophile? Told you about the fucking lizard people. I've been telling you guys. That's where they were like emboldened. I told i i told you and i guess the third thing would be i think right now the world i said this on the other show too i think

right now the world is like ripe for cults because people are the government you know we don't trust the government pandemic the this that like we're lost and we just need something to latch on to you know q and on it is q drops i i think those guys by the way i'm hoping this this is in the doc we don't we don't know who writes these posts no do we they thought it was trump do people believe it's one person a group of people do they no i believe q is i believe they believe it's a person who is close to the trump circle that guy they. They thought it was Don Jr. for a while, they said. Right, right. I love the Bob Kennedy thing, like Robert Kennedy's still alive.

Whoever it is should write movies. Like The Reptile, some of it's stupid. But some of it is like, I think the reason why people fall down the rabbit hole is because it's like you're reading like a Hollywood script. You know what I mean? This would be cool. This would be entertaining if it was real. Forget about the fucking 8chan. Just go to Hollywood. Get down with Michael Bay and make a fucking blockbuster, man. This guy makes way more fucking money

doing what he does. Yeah, you're probably right. I guess so. But how? What do you think they do to monetize? Is it like donations or some shit? I feel like if there's money and there's a paper trail, you get caught. Yeah, that's true actually. Do you think it's just some dude

like that Asian kid who invented 8chan who's just sitting there like, yeah. I do 8chan. By the way, the whole time I was like, not a great house. No. Oh, I figured you would have been rich. And that was the neighbor he was talking to. That whole scene, I was like, not a great house. No. No. Like, oh, I figured you would have been rich. And that was the neighbor he was talking to?

Yeah. That whole scene, I was like, what the fuck is happening here? That was very, did they ever come back and play? I thought that was like the documentary guy. Yeah, I don't think so. It was just like the opening scene was just like, here's a guy who invented 8chan. That was very weird. He lives in a shit house and his neighbor doesn't know what he does.

Super bizarre. Anyway, you guys want to talk about fucking QAnon? But if, let's say it's that guy. He just like, you know, every night he would go home. He'd like crack a bottle, light a joint, and just be like, all right, today, Hillary Clinton's a reptile. And just like starts writing all sorts of cool shit. I said it was like – You got to wait for Trump to tweet before I post this.

He's waiting at the right time like press i feel like they were the game of thrones writers where like they they you know he he had like a theory he had like an avenue he was writing and then it got so big and so popular and he was like i gotta write more i gotta come up with a storyline you know and then he's lost his way all the next thing you know the the iron fleet comes out of fucking nowhere yeah he just kind of forgot about the iron fleet yeah whoops yeah i didn't know they were gonna be there and then could you imagine the day that the inauguration happened and he was just like well i guess it's all gonna come like it's over you know today it's over like this whole experiment the mind's over

unless i do this face swap thing. And then that just worked. He was like, all right, fire it up again. I think like two weeks ago there was another big Q day. Like March 5th was supposed to be the day that Trump actually took office back. They just keep moving the – Yeah, we'll just do it again. What's the one thing – I mean it's literally out of Parks and Rec with Hale Zorb.

Yeah. They're like, what does the guy do when he goes into Leslie Knope's office, and he's like, on March 17th, that's when Zorb's actually coming down. And she's like, ah, March 17th is booked that day for the parks booked. Yeah. And he's like, you only did the math wrong. It's March 18th? She's like, yeah, the 18th is free.

18th it is. Yeah. Or the Rapture. It's going to be 2012. Oh, no way. It's based on it is. Yeah. Yeah. Or the rapture, you know, it's going to be 2012. Oh, no way. It's based on this calendar. It's 2014. What's the one thing where they only believe that it's like the 17th president?

I heard that one. That like the last real president was Ulysses S. Grant and all the other ones haven't mattered for some reason, because if you read the Constitution, it's like it's I mean, it's just so. That's because there's a lot of 17 stuff in that because q is the 17th yeah yeah so it's like i mean it's they're fucking so dumb it's so dumb quite literally all nonsense it probably sounds like nonsense talking about it yeah like what are you guys even talking about hey why are we wasting our time with it but they i mean they're they're the dumbest people in america they're the people who probably don't understand what the word underrated means. Yeah, so all this was to say, I watched Safe House last night.

Which is safe. See, so how underrated it is, I don't even know, like, Safe House. It stars Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds. Right, right, right. It is awesome. It's a great, great movie. Yeah, and it gets no love. It was on HBO Max.

Once I watched that stupid documentary, I fucking got mad at the TV for an hour. $85 million budget made $208 million. That's got to be so great when you do that. You're just like, fuck. Yeah. Bam. The $200 million movie that no one talks about.

Yeah. It's fucking awesome. But I just tweeted that. Movies don't really get more underrated than it. So legitimately, it's a really good movie. It's one of the scenes. Oh, yeah. I forgot. I forgot fucking that. What's don't really get more underrated than it. So the Jimi, it's a really good movie. It's one of the scenes. Oh, yeah. I forgot.

What's his name? Brendan Flanagan? The guy from In Bruges. He's in it as well. But the scene when Denzel gets interrogated, when they're like, he's the most badass motherfucker on the planet, as Denzel always is. And he's just like, he's been through it all

and they're starting to waterboard him. And he goes he's asking the thread count of him. He's like what are those? 120s? That's not going to do the trick. They start waterboarding

him and he just fucking told you. That was honestly the best equivalent, the most badass thing I've seen like in real life. When we were doing Surviving Barstool and Zaha, it was down to Donnie and Zaha to eat for, eat like gross things. And he was like, you got to come up with a new challenge because I'm never going to stop. I'll eat all of this. Jesus Christ, Zaha. See, I grew up in Zimbabwe. You guys know that, right? I'm good going to stop. I'll eat all of this. Jesus Christ. See, I grew up in Zimbabwe.

You guys know that, right? I'm good with this. But anyway, so I started tweeting about that, and I said it's one of the most – it was a very, very basic tweet. I think I just said movies don't get more underrated than the safe house. And it actually garnered a good amount of conversation and got some great responses. One of them, think was bob fox where he said the internship the internship is sneaky a hilarious vince vaughn and almost both of them

they're both interns at google they're like old men who lose their like watch salesman jobs right um great great movie but then it's like everything in the on the planet where like a word just gets diluted it doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything anymore words just don't mean things trolling is one that person was being an asshole

or I disagree with your point you're trolling exactly there's fucking a lot of Barstool words everything gets bastardized it just totally ruins it and like people underrated is like that's an important one that we need to you know if you lose a slang word whatever we need to keep the word underrated for sports for anything that you're discussing like we need to know like

what that word means folks they people told me like I got replies where it was, I mean, one person said no country for old men. Literally won the Oscar for best picture. I believe. You can't be underrated if you won the fucking Oscar for best picture. It's inherently one of the best. There's only been like 100 of those of all time. I'm pretty sure the lights camera guys say it's their favorite movie of all time. I'm pretty sure like the lights camera guys say it's like their favorite movie of all time. It's a great movie.

Many people say Javier Bardem is like the greatest performance ever. Like there's individual pieces of it that are the best ever. On the whole, it's the best ever. It might be overrated. Like it might be like, oh, it's all down, guys. Yeah, the ending stinks. Yeah, right, right. People love that ending. I Yeah, right, right. Honestly, but that's –

People love that ending. I don't care for it. That's another thing that gets – I mean, obviously, if you're going to not understand underrated, you probably don't understand overrated too. Like I can love something and think it's overrated. That's the same thing in the other direction where it's like you think this is – overrated? This movie is great. It's like I agree. It's great great it's not the best ever whatever i'm just saying that you rate it too high even though it's fucking so both both of those things get someone else said whiplash again

didn't win the oscar nominated for best picture he won the jk simmons won uh miles teller i believe was nominated it won like 10 oscar right yeah you can't fucking be over underrated it needs to be like true romance underrated sorry underrated needs to be like true romance underrated needs to be like um you gotta say the n-word 50 times at least saving silverman is is is critically horrendous yeah it's one of the best like saturday afternoon movies you put it on tnt love it great great underrated movie you know right they were that's i'm gonna go through some of the other ones i had we'll do like a full top five tomorrow uh on tuesday top five most overrated movies of all time but like i got some real oh lucky number seven someone said wait wait just stop just stop because we'll do it on the list okay we'll do it

on the list because there's there's too many good ones and and and you know i want to be able to basically draft savings open. That's what I mean. We might have to do a challenge for who gets first pick on that one. Okay. Or we have to do some more room trading. I'll give you the first pick if I can have two and three. You'll give me first pick if you can have two and three.

Done deal. Done deal. Done deal. I don't think trades really matter in this one because I think we're going to be very different. Yeah, I was actually going to say that really doesn't make a difference either way because there's so many to pick from and we have different tastes. Yeah. But we should do more shit like that. For sure.

You can have the first pick if I get to do all five of mine in a row first. We're like the number one pick. Really, really, really matter. It's like I'll trade you two know two picks next week and uh and a 2022 pick for uh okay so uh am i the asshole yeah that we're up to all right am i the asshole and then we'll do our voicemails we have a guest today or no no no no guest today so that means we're just gonna let it rip the next uh to wrap things up here so am i the asshole is brought to you by Olipop. You're an asshole if you drink the big soda brands.

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They do have several flavors. Root beer is just not one that I fuck with. They have just regular cola. They have the orange squeeze. They have cherry. I mean, root beer is delicious. Cherry vanilla and strawberry vanilla. So they have mixing and matching.

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a couple classics. Are we an hour and a half into the show hour 15 that's okay right oh no it's great i'm just like i came in with literally nothing to talk about i know i know and that's how that's what we're at our best right like a segment i know it's like we just got to the show yeah um literally when our shows are at its best. Dude, I did have a story I tell. I took a lift in today.

And then Ed Sheeran came on. And I just went, what a song. And the guy turned around and looked at me like, shut the fuck up. That's like old school. I recommend you stop being. He's like, all right. Like, I didn't write it, man. Like, why are you?

Which song? It was with Beyonce. Oh, that's a great song. You know what I was going to say? It's a really good song. I was going to say, that's actually a worthy song of, oh, what a song. That's like the ballad, right? The like, we're gonna fall in love.

That one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause darling, you look perfect tonight. That song, it's funny you said that. Cause my point was gonna be like, if it's, you know, the song with like my point was gonna be like if it's you know the song with like fucking Young Thug on it

from his album or if it's if it's a song with Antisocial great song I would have said it for that one too all of those I think that album

number six collaborations is the most underrated album of all time it is every song is a fucking hit and obviously collaborations they're all I was literally listening to that this weekend

very weird you bring that up there's I love Ed Sheeran one of the most underrated musicians of all time. Facts. He just fucking does. See, this show is awesome. Ed Sheeran just does fucking heat.

Not even heaters. I don't want to use the word heaters. He just does great songs. He's a guy I never cared for. I don't like the way he looks. Is that pretty enough for you? Yeah, he's not pretty enough. He looks like a hobbit.

And, you know, I didn't like his music prior. I never really gave it a fair shot. But also what I did hear, it was kind of like, all right, it's fine. It's almost like Taylor in a way. He has some songs that are Taylor Swift-esque where I'm like, I know they're like good songs, but they just don't, they're just not for me. And then that album came out. And from the pop songs to like the ballads to like the rap song to all of it i was like this is unbelievable

and obviously it's ed sheeran so i'm sure it sold records and did streams and did numbers but like not enough in my mind because you know when people talk about like the big albums of the last couple years like it should be at the top and it's not. It fucking should be. My 2020 Spotify wrap-up was exclusively Ed Sheeran. He is that guy. Ed Sheeran's on a song with Future, where Ed Sheeran's the best rapper on the song. But I was going to say, so if it was the Future song, I don't know if it's worth it. Oh, what a song. But that ballad with Beyonce, that's a wedding song.

That's a wedding night song. You know, like our first dance or whatever. When me and you get married. That's it. All right. Am I the asshole? We got a couple like. I was going to say Tenafree Sea was going to be my wedding song.

Which one? Tenafree Sea. What's that? It's not an Asian song. Tenafree Sea? Yeah. I think that's how you pronounce it. I don't know.

Somewhere in fucking Scotland or Ireland. Oh, okay. I was like, are you having a stroke? But it's a really nice song. Let's start with one that you can relate to yourself. Am I the asshole for refusing to give back a dog? Shout out to L. Okay,

first of all, I gave it back. I want to be clear about that. That was the one thing I learned, right? Yeah. I gave it back the moment someone started. But you didn't want to. You were clear about that. That was the one thing I learned, right? Yeah. That was the one thing I learned. I gave it back the moment someone started talking. Feidelberg's solo dog. But you didn't want to.

You were thinking about it. I'm like 99% sure I'm not an asshole, but I'm getting a lot of flack from family over this. You start that off, you know you're an asshole. My husband's aunt, my husband's aunt Clara, is a divorce. I love when people come up with the names like why would she be clara because they put in quotes there's all fake names my husband's aunt sorry so it's all made up names so i decided let me look at the throwaway account it's uh no dog for you my husband's aunt clara is a divorcee and she spent many years single several years ago she

decided to start dating again good Good for her. The problem is she has bad taste in men. She keeps ending up with these creepy, scammy guys that mooch off of her and try to control her. And she can't see that they're creeps until too much time has gone by. One of the guys, she, one of her guys really strongly came on to her 21-year-old

daughter and she didn't believe her for a long time. But the point of this story is her little dog. She had this cute little terrier, quote, Rex uh and one of her boyfriends who moved in immediately and started mooching off her demanded she get rid of rex rex is about six years old at the time and a real sweetie my husband and i love dogs we heard that he was being forced to give up rex we volunteered to take him up real quick i always think am i the assholes are by men i'm always shocked when it's like... A woman? A woman.

I guess it could be a man, my husband and I. Could be, but... I feel like sometimes I think it's the... I feel like I think it's usually women sometimes. Really? I always just think... I always assume if someone's being an asshole, it's the guy. It's the guy.

My husband and I... Okay, Rex gets along with the... Two years later, Clara breaks up with the, two years man, and wants Rex back, we're sad to see him go, but it seemed like the right thing to do,

so Rex went back with Clara, less than a year later, she's calling us to take Rex back, she has a new boyfriend, who doesn't like him, so we take Rex back, he's almost nine years old at that point, and we discover he's developed health problems,

so we spend money on tests, medicine. No big deal, though. That's old dogs for you. You got to do it. This person's like a saint. Who fucking ends up dating two people in their lifetime who are like dogs? Get rid of them. I mean, yeah, this is some scumbag shit.

Catching up to now. It's been about another three years. Rex is 12 and gray, blind, takes pills two times a a day but he's our sweet little cuddle bug well clara has dumped her latest guy and wants rex back again they said no this time um i mean there's a lot more to go on here but like you know i think we get the gist um and so she said no she's keeping it and so am i the asshole for keeping rex absolutely not under zero circumstances would you be the asshole let me read someone gives up a dog twice because it's some fucking piece of shit guy. Absolutely.

Not your dog anymore. They're an asshole for giving it back the first time. She said she was getting a lot of flack from the family. So let me just read. Hubby's mom, that's Clara's sister, is on our side. But the other four siblings think we're being assholes. Saying that we're mostly right. But that clara should have rex back anyway because their mom is lonely and rex is quote just a dog the bulk of the family seems to feel like we're being selfish and cruel

i mean yeah i mean i'm obviously with you i'm just trying to see if there's some angle that i the family gave like they're the most unselfish and least cruel like they're taking this dog in back and forth like they the fact that like they probably got to know rex and they it got yanked away from him and they willingly did it because they're like it's his you know it's it's there it's her dog they deserve it back but yeah then the second time around the third time around like get the fuck out of here the mostly right tag is all you need to know yeah it's almost like you're mostly right it's like well then well then i'm right then i'm right yeah i have the majority of the rightness then i'm right and i get to do what i want here um i mean

this kind of happened with me i had to give up my dog duncan to um my parents was back when i was still married he was like not the best behaved dog and he was like eating shay's pacifiers and he was he was kind of like aggressive with her and like i was i was training him and i had like a like a dog whisperer guy come because i was like desperately i was like i was like i remember like grabbing duncan being like please dude just like please just be cool man yeah i really want to be like like i think we have an ati thing that's like if you could talk to your dog and like say one thing like it would have been that and i would have been like i'm gonna lose you if you if you don't fucking stop so it got to the point and he

would always he would also eat uh caitlin's yoga pants he would always eat them why because you know you know dogs eat underwear and chicks they love love pussy I didn't know it was the pussy I thought it was the lace it's the pussy and so he ate all that shit we were not so I gave him to my parents it wasn't like I had to give him away it was fucking heartbreaking

I loved Duncan he was my guy but I still get to see him I'm single now and I was like I can't like my parents got to know him and like rely on him and my dad takes him for walks my mom she was always like complaining about him but also they sit there together at night every night i'm like i can't can't give that like a parent thing was like i don't want a dog and get a dog like it's nice to have something that cares about me right Right. And it doesn't talk back.

So, yeah, you can't fucking take back gifts like that. I'm going to interrupt you real quick because you said something there that sparked a memory from this weekend. And that's Nick. What the fuck was wrong with you growing up that you got stung by bees so often you had a routine? is this so it's for the are you garbage card game uh-huh it was like did your family use miracle whip or whatever oh and nick quote tweeted it and was like only for bees things i feel like coley uh uh foley quote tweeted that it was like what the fuck is this it's basically complete garbage i did

fuck it up and i thought miracle whip was Whip was Cool Whip in my head. Doesn't help at all. Aren't they kind of the same thing? Miracle Whip is mayonnaise. Cool Whip is like a dairy-based whip, which apparently you're supposed to put dairy on bee sings. One person told me that. I'm running with it.

Was that one person your mom? Is that another Hamilton? Which one are we talking about? Cool Whip or Milk Whip? Cool Whip. You would put Cool Whip, like the little like whipped cream kind of, on your bee stings. We had a rose bush in the backyard. And I really only remember it once, but it was enough to scar me and be like, why did we do that again?

But yeah, I got stung by like a hornet or something. And I was freaking out. It was like four like just hyperventilating crying. And I think my dadung by like a hornet or something and i was freaking out it was like four like just hyperventilating crying and i think my dad was just like he just grabbed something he's just like this is magic he's like here you go this will help and then oh look you could eat it too and i totally believed it and then like the rest of my life i'm like i don't think that was real did you confirm with your parents that they made this up or is there some value i know i haven't talked to them i should did you even with your parents that they made this up, or is there some actual thing to it? I haven't talked to them. Did you even just try Google, like Cool Whip? No.

Again, one person said, oh, yeah, I think you were supposed to put milk on this. That's all that counts. And I'm like, all right, yeah, I'm going with that. I was stung by a bee three days in a row at one point in my life. Wow! And I still thought that. I was like, you get stung by bees too much if you have a thing. I got stung by a bee at the Bristol Community College Lake.

I got stung by a bee in my backyard, and I got stung by a bee at the Bristol Community College Lake I got stung by a bee in my backyard and I got stung by a bee at a gas pump totally not a thing totally not a thing that is I do want to clarify I did not walk around smelling like mayo somebody tweeted that at me and I was like oh I fucked him up three days in a row

I would start to I would be like that would make me think I I would start to... I would be like... That would make me think I'm in the Truman Show. I'd be like, that's enough! That's enough, director! We get it! I was young enough where I just thought that's what happens when you go outside. I was probably like seven years old.

You gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelet, man. You gotta go outside. I had my first bee sting last summer and i think that's one of those things like uh you know like you get you get you get you hope that you get chicken pox when you're a kid because like as an adult it would be that much worse i think when you you get stung as a as a kid i think it like it hurts and you cry but whatever i got i stepped on a bee as a 35 year old man and i was like i remember it was so painful i like almost wanted to cry but the but the more the bigger feeling was i was like how come no one told me this is the

most excruciating thing like i was so calmly being like i think we have to amputate this hurts so goddamn much because i you know what i was thinking i probably haven't been stung since like day three of my yeah it's very rare you know what You know what? I don't get bees don't get me and I don't get mosquito bites. Really? I'm that guy who like, you know, like there's some people who just they they eat them. They devour them. I think it's probably because my blood's like so unhealthy. I don't want that shit.

But I don't I'm like you're you. I like you. I use other people as like my bug spray. I'm like you stand by me because they like you. I'm not coming near me. I ate I ate a whole tub of cool whip why so I got cool whip a long time ago and I bought uh you know you know how often would you say you go grocery shopping like never right uh once or twice a month so that might frequent enough, and I feel like you get on your health kicks. But when I go grocery shopping, I walk in, like, I need bread and milk,

and I walk out with, like, snacks and cool shit that I, like, never really eat or need. You know, I just get – I'm very, like, persuadable, if you will, in the grocery store. You probably go hungry. That's the problem. What? Yes. Can't go hungry. Yeah, 100%. I'm the problem. What? Yes, when I'm, yes, I'm like, yeah,

100%, I'm like, oh, I want this, I want that. So I walk by, like, the fruit,

and I see strawberries, and I was like, ah, strawberries, it's been a long time, and I was thinking about, like, strawberries,

and cool whip's a good thing to dip them in, so I go get some cool whip. Then I get home, and I remember that, that strawberry TikTok, where you put it in the water, and all the bugs come out.

I don't know what that is. Yeah, if you put, if you put it in the water and all the bugs come out. I don't know what that is. Yeah, if you put strawberries in sugar water, I think, put a bowl of water, put sugar in it, put strawberries in, all of these, like, bugs come out. Wow. So it's just like all of your strawberries are covered in bugs. I really wish you didn't tell me that. I know, but also, aren't you happy I didn't tell you

because now you're not eating strawberry bugs? Well, no, I'm not. I'm just going to keep eating strawberries. Watch. No, you won't. No, you won't. me that. I know, but also I didn't tell you because now you're not eating strawberry bugs. Well, no, I'm not. I'm just keeping strawberries. No, you won't. No, you won't. Not after you see this. I guarantee you I will. I mean, you are a garbage pail person. You are an absolutely despicable person who just

has no regard for their mental or emotional or physical well-being, so maybe you will eat these little maggots. But I, for one, did not care for that. So I threw out all of the. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And there was like a lot of them. And look at that thing, man. Look at that little bug, man. It definitely doesn't affect me, but it's gross for sure. So I threw out the strawberries and then I just had this. I mean, look at all those fucking things. Then I just had this tub of cool whip. And the other day I just ate it.

Like it was ice cream. Just fucking pretty good. And it's so light. It's kind of like a hack. Like I felt like I ate a bunch of ice cream, but I had cool instead. All right. Back to am I the asshole?

So, I mean, yeah, if you, if you, if you do that with the dogs, you are a fucking bad person

am I the asshole because my wife is so invasive I told her to do chores when she claimed she was trying to be supportive oh that sounds all over the place me and my wife have been married for three years for info my mother died when i was

a teenager my father died in march of 2020 from a heart attack it's been a year since he died i never admit or showed him my wife but it was extremely hard for me both of my parents are dead now i mean i would hope you don't have to admit that yeah i didn't even know my dad dying stunk you never even told me how was supposed to know all your dead parents upset you? This Sunday, me, my two brothers, and my three sisters. Whoa. That's a fucking litter. Was it me, my two brothers, and three sisters?

I guess that's close to the final burn. They're going to have a memorial for the father. I didn't tell my wife about it at first. She found out through one of my sisters. My wife brought this up to me and basically gave me shit for not telling her about it she told me that it's not very nice to hide things from her and i responded by saying k now you know now you know so what's the problem uh and i told her that she won't be coming with me anyway she argued that my sister's husband will be there so why can't she i told her that she hasn't really uh i told her that she really doesn't need to be there with me and that if my sister brings their husbands, that's because they want to.

But I'm a private person and would prefer that you do not come with me because it is a personal event and she will get bored anyways. Boy, we need some fucking punctuation in there. She argued that she argued more saying that she just wanted to be supportive. Question mark. I mean, I i get that i thought that that was stupid because she's just invasive and wants to pry into my personal life so to end the stupid argument since we just got done eating i told her you want to be supportive how about you wash all these dishes and clean the kitchen i cooked for you so now you can do

your chores. I walked out of the room and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I talked about it to my friends and they all agree that my wife is invasive and cannot stay out of other people's business. They told me that she's acting like she's my mother. I wasn't even talking about that. So, okay.

So here's what's going on. Yeah. I always did find you very invasive. That's it. Oh no. We were, we were talking about something different. That is what's going on. This always did find your wife very invasively that's it oh no we were talking about something different that's that is what's going on this girl just sucks because she in this instance

she's like you're going to a memorial i'm glad you brought that up i've always thought she was ugly it's like oh boy she's like what so let get this right. She wants to go to the memorial, and she put on a lot of weight this year. And I remember you telling me she's not even good in bed either. So you've got to get rid of her. These guys hate his girlfriend. I think here's what happened. I think two things happened. I think this guy hates her a little bit too.

And I think that they – I think everyone is using this as like a scapegoat, as like, okay, now's our chance. I think that their friends got together and was like, listen, it's actually really very nice of her that she wants to support her husband during this time of need. But let's all just pin this on her because we can get rid of her. And then she won't be invasive. She probably is invasive and she sucks. And every other time she's in the wrong. I think this time she's told. Well, I think if that guy wants to say it's just me and my siblings that I wish it was just me and my siblings.

I think it should be a tight circle. If my in-laws are going to be there, that's like their that's my sister's decision. But I want it to be just us. I think you're allowed to do that. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. But I think I've I've banned people from funerals before that's a true story proceeds?

tell me the details I had an ex-girlfriend who was like can I come to Chris' funeral and I was like absolutely not you are not allowed here that's totally fair yeah you knew him because of me but no you're not allowed here. What do you think, how, how do I word this?

What's the level, what would, how, when would you allow an ex to come to your friend's funeral? If I could do it again, I would have let her come. Really? Yeah. But the, in the moment, it was just like i don't know i was yeah that's sad but like i do i do regret it yeah but i was like i was like are you fucking even kidding me asking this question that's probably a bit much i mean i think for the most part it's always it's probably always easier a funeral i think i guess in all these situations it's probably

easier to just let someone come if you if it's supposed to be like a tight little intimate thing and like you're supposed to be just the siblings and your asshole sister invited her husband and you don't want that to be the case i don't think that means that like all right it's fair game you know what i mean but i can understand but but a like i can understand her being kind of like well if she's gonna go then, then he's going to go. Then I should go. And B, I think she's just trying to be supportive and nice. So I think in these situations, it's probably easier to just let people come.

It's definitely the easier thing. But ah, fuck it. I don't know. I go back and forth. I feel like you make the decision that she shouldn't come, then that's fair. But you have to understand from her point of view that she is just trying to be there for my husband when his father died. Yeah. That means that girl's never supporting him otherwise.

She's like, oh, now you're going to fucking come around? And she's fat. Fucking clean the dishes, you fat bitch. I mean, this girl just sucks and everyone's pinning her on it. That's really what's going on here. That's really the bottom line. When you suck, there's nothing you can do that's right. Right, absolutely.

Everything is wrong. That's just the fact. Everything is wrong. When you suck, you're wrong all the time. All the fucking time. Last time I the asshole. What do we got, John? Last time I the asshole is a personal one. And it's the Last time I'm the asshole is, this is a personal one.

And it's the one thing I learned this week. It's actually a very quick one thing I learned. It's three minutes. It's well worth it. It is an issue that has deeply affected me to this day. I never told my therapist about it. I'm doing great. But to this day.

No, you've told me OGs of this show will know it. Like, this is, we know. This cut you deep. And it should have. It affects my relationship right now. It happened to me when I was in, like, seventh grade. It affects my relationship with my parents. It affects my relationship with fucking everyone in my life.

It's why I lie to everyone at all times. It's funny. Isn't it's funny isn't it isn't it funny isn't it cute when you can pinpoint the downfall i'm like if i if i told them the truth then they'll fucking tell people how i feel okay my dad yeah so am i the asshole for for i i honestly forget it was someone's away message and it was like if you say so back on a i'm back in the day like i'm like my family's computer room which is just such a weird thing we all had like a computer room you had to yeah but like it like it's an office why did we call it a computer yeah well probably because it was it had like it's like where your parents kept like the financial records

it was an office. Yeah, but it was also like you. The home office. I feel like you're not doing work in it. It's still an office. This is an office, Kevin. I don't do any work here. We did call the computer room.

But the. Shouldn't be called like the porn room. Yeah. But the. So I clicked called, like, the porn room. But the... So I clicked on someone's away message, and it said, put in your top three crushes, and we'll tell you which one you're best suited for. You're so fucking dumb for telling this. And it's obviously, like, not true,

but I still wanted to know. It was, like, same thing with, like, fucking BuzzFeed. Like, tell us what kind of ice cream you had last, and we'll tell you what Disney character you are are and i'm like okay i gotta know this it's clearly what do you mean i'm guest on fucking bullshit it just seems scientific um but uh so i put in my three crushes and it just it just you hit submit and it just it just told you right away it was like okay just so you know we just sent the three of them in AIM, and they now know that you're one of their biggest crushes.

And I was like, I remember just staring at my computer so dumbfoundedly like, what the fuck? You get as an asshole move right that is so very clearly a the fuck man situation that's like you with the cabbie great song fuck man like that's the only... Like I wasn't even mad at Vons. What the fuck? What? Who would create this fucking program? That is like some men just want to watch the world burn. The same fucking guy who started QAnon. Yes. Some men just want to watch the world burn. Like that is just a...

Just so you know, Samantha, Vanessa, and Eliza all know now. It's like, hey, just so you know, Samantha, Vanessa, and Eliza all know now. I was like, what the hell? What were we talking about recently? Just like yesterday, there was some story where you were – we were talking about someone else and the reaction was like, hey, man, I just want to let you know that was like really hurtful. It was just like really – it was just really mean. You remember we had this conversation just yesterday. It was just one of those times as like, very rarely as like, I guess you're not a grown man in this situation, you're younger, but just very rarely

are you like, you know what, that was just like really, really mean. Like what you just did right there really hurt my feelings. And I'm going to be open and vulnerable about it. Was that with Nick? Was that something at the live show that you guys did with Nick? Well, that was just his prank that he did with KB.

That was just like sociopath. It's very rare where you're just like, you just crushed my soul. You just took my feelings and you eradicated them. And I will never be the same. You're going to try to put me back together with glue and it's just never going to be the same. It's like, hey, you're in sixth grade. Have fun at school tomorrow. Did you ever hear from those girls?

Oh, yeah. Oh, not about that specifically. We remained friends and stuff like that. Ended up looking up with two of them. Did you even know if this was, did it happen for sure? What? Oh, good question. That would be even meaner, I think.

What's even meaner? Yeah. What's even worse? I think that would be mean if they didn't tell them. Just told me they told them. I bet you that that happened. I honestly never thought about it. I just assumed the computer wasn't lying to me.

Because if they never said anything and nobody ever talked about it, but just like, I'm going to plant the seed of doubt in your mind and ruin your life. That is darker than doing it. That's like they say the fear, the threat of torture is worse than the torture. You know? Oh, have you ever seen that video, the torture video? You're going to have to specify because I've seen many of those. I grew up in the 90s.

It's like an anti-torture video. Like an after school special? Like we are anti-torture here. Not a pro-t just the whole thing nick see if you can pull it up the whole thing is filmed like in a gopro but like from behind the black bag that would be over your head oh my god and it is absolutely horrifying like the second a black bag went over my head, I'd just be like, what do you want to know? Just ask me and I will tell you. Where did this air? I saw it on YouTube. On the internet?

An anti-torture PSA? I wrote a blog on it and it was back in the day when Dave still had to post my blogs and Dave was like, dude, we're not posting that. It's just horrific. I was like, yeah, but isn't it fucked up? He's like, yeah! It's fucked up. we're not posting it speaking of Dave

real quick did you see Caleb's latest video no Caleb played his second round of scored golf oh

way so yes I did see this way more I thought Caleb was way better than that yeah he's terrible he's like Caleb's really bad

well he started the entire brand 51 strokes because he needed to cut 51 Strokes to get to par. He shot 55 over. So he's been practicing for what? Six months. He's now it's now 55 strokes.

I was like, everyone sell your, you know, get your 51 Strokes gear off, you know, 90% off 55 strokes. And Dave commented, the top comment was name a company, find a find a company that will pay you to get worse at golf. But the video, I mean, it doesn't matter. The video is so funny. The way Caleb is talking about it is like he's narrating his own play, and it's just very, very funny. Did we find this black bag video? Because, by the way, wait, when did you saw this later in life?

I've said, by the way, 200 times this episode. I haven't noticed. I know. That's how prevalent, by the way, 200 times this episode. Really? I haven't noticed. I know. That's how prevalent, by the way, is. It becomes like, um, like. Everyone just says it all the time. I made the mistake of typing in POV torture video and just a bunch of porn. Yeah.

Lotofkink.com. Send me those results. Send me those hits. The San Francisco Armory. That didn't get the reaction I wish it did. That took me a moment. If that takes me a moment, they're not going to know. But boy, that place.

We should do a video. We should do a video. What's that called, Nick? Is that just B-roll? I mean, come on. You guys all know what I'm fucking talking about. I don't think they do. No, they definitely don't.

Do you know? Yeah, I mean, brother, you gotta understand. We are deviants, okay? There's very few of us who live our lifestyle. What's it called, Nick, when Friends is on, and before, they come back from commercial, and it just shows a picture of the building, and then they go

inside. It's an establishing shot. An establishing shot. Okay, this means nothing to you? No. Yeah, bro, bro. You are so miscalibrated on this. Just closer to my face. She's definitely not going to know.

I knew Jackie was going to. I thought Nick might. What about this little fucking guy? I don't think they do gay stuff. I don't think they do gay stuff. I don't think they do gay stuff. Show it to him. I was just about to say, I don't watch street porn. I guarantee Kink has some gay shit.

Nothing? Minor, minorly. We should do a skit. Well, I think there's another version. You know what? Now, okay, here's what I will say. I know this building. I'm a tad concerned that you knew it was the San Francisco Armory.

Like you could have said to me, you know that castle building in kink.com videos? And I would have said yes. When you said the San Francisco Armory, that is a seriously deep cut. I mean, this Reddit page says, the San Francisco Armory, which some of you may recognize. I mean, this is up there with the black leather couch,

but I did not know what... I knew, Kevin. Okay, I knew. I mean, that is very, very, very very funny but we should do some sort of skit where the establishing shot is the san francisco armory and then we just find a basement somewhere like imagine that if we if we do some we're doing just some normal stuff inside the san francisco armory and then you know like we hear like in the you know two rooms down here a cat of nine tails slapping on someone you're like i'm just trying to you know it's we hear like in the, you know, two rooms down here, a cat of nine tails slapping on someone.

You're like, I'm just trying to, you know, it's like a, like a, like a, we work. Imagine if you had a, we work in the San Francisco armory. We're just here with our little upstart, our little online store. We share a space with these people down the block. You just hear fucking tasers going off the whole time. Is that milk coming out of that room? What's going on there? Casually eating a sandwich.

We all hear it, right? That's some fucking fucking shit. We got to do that. We all know what's going on here, right? I'm not going to say anything, but we all hear this. We don't need to talk about it. We don't need to say anything anything but we all know what's happening here right the san francisco armory why do you know that in this episode yeah why do you know

that i don't know kevin john why do you know know that we're not doing voice calls until you tell me why you know that until we figure out why you know that I don't know why do you know that did you google it were you like kink.com castle I gotta know where they film this I would for sure call that the kink.com castle

the San Francisco armory the fucking I just googled it one day so we can go hang out outside what am i looking at i don't know why but gary v and buddha ben are now just hanging out on facetime talking nfts buddha ben and gary v what a fucking world i probably the san francisco armory has got to be the most specific porn reference of all time. Of all time. I think I probably...

Okay, so if I had to guess, I read an article once in GQ about James Dean. Right. And they went... If I had to guess, here's this incredibly specific chain of events that's going to lead to the answer. I think we know, John. He did a kink scene. I don't remember them specifically referencing the San Francisco Armory,

but they were on location at a kink scene. And they must have mentioned it there. Just do a control F for San Francisco. National Guard Armory. Yeah, Kinks. Kinks, yeah. Okay. There it is.

Not that weird. I will say, you know, but then you did put together San Francisco. It doesn't say San Francisco Armory there. It says an armory. I thought I was going to figure out what armory this is. John went to some other armory. He's like, damn it! I thought it was the Boston armory. I thought I was going to find out.

Why aren't they being more specific? Do you ever... Yes. We're talking about how awesome this show is. Do you ever just drop down to your goddamn knees and think about the butterfly effect that it took to get here? Because that was one of the funniest moments of my life.

And it will stick with me forever. And so we had to start this episode and talk about all the things we talked about. The only chain of events that would lead to that, you know? If we didn't bring up QAnon, we wouldn't have brought up this, and if that didn't come up, we wouldn't have brought up that. And it all led to you knowing the San Francisco Armory. Honestly, I thought that was a reference that was going to crush, and it fell on deaf ears.

He does this thing. I love when he does this to you. He goes, well, that didn't work. I didn't, I didn't get the response. It's my favorite final word thing.

That went over like a lead balloon. You know what? I'm going to do this right before this episode goes out. I'm just going to put out a poll. How many of you know what this... How should I wear this? Does this phrase mean anything to you? Does this... Does the San Francisco Armory...

Yeah, if I said the San Francisco Armory, do you know what I'm talking about? Right. If I... I was going to say, if I said, quote, the San Francisco Armory, do you know what I'm talking about? Right. If I... I was going to say, if I said quote, the San Francisco Armory, would you know what reference I'm making? Yeah. Yeah, okay. If I

said, quote, the San... I think this is going to be 100% no. The first 100% no. No, I got a few fucking... a couple real ones. It's going to be like the founders of kink.com. Me and Fizer in a DM group.

We talk about it all the time. How about this? You're so far off the mark. Do you guys even know what kink.com is? You do? You don't. Do you? Okay.

Okay. Because I think that's even kind of. Really? I think. K even kind of... Really? Kink hasn't put out much in a little while. They have been slacking. I've bought multiple kink.com memberships. I bought kink.com memberships for other people.

For like a chick? Yeah, just so you know, you might want to start watching this kind of stuff. That's a move! Like, like yeah this is in your future yeah no i never did any of it because i don't know how to tie knots but because i dropped out of the boy scouts because i never got that patch in Cub Scouts. I don't know how to sign that! Alright, the buddy went over the tree.

Oh man, that is... I can't wait to see these results. It's going to be like zero, bro. Let's go to voicemails. Let's go to voicemails. They're brought to you by Roman. You know, if you have trouble getting your dick up, go to voicemail let's go to voicemails they're brought to you by roman um you know if you have trouble getting your dick up go to the san francisco armory and you're gonna see some things i promise you you'll get hard but for the rest of us who don't live in san fran if you can't get to the armory uh you can get yourself some roman so roman has all of the solutions for your

dick your dick your dick giveth and your dick taketh. Your dick is kind of like. Your dick is like alcohol. Like what Homer Simpson said. Or Ben Franklin. I don't know. Who said it? Who said here's to beer.

Here's to alcohol. The cause of and solution to. The solution to and cause of all of life's problems. I believe that was Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson. Yeah. Or Benjamin Franklin. You confuse that with a Simpson. Homer Simpson. Yeah. Or Benjamin Franklin. You confuse that with a former fucking founding father?

Yes. Yes. Because your dick is like your best friend, like your guy, your ride or die, but he's also just a motherfucker. You know what I mean? What do we got? The only result is mine. You know how it does that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone thinks it's so funny. You just screenshot it and vote's over. What do we got? The only result is mine. It does that for early. And everyone thinks it's so funny. It's over. Your dick, though, it's the most important thing you have, your best friend, and you're also like, you're my fucking dick.

You're such an asshole, dick. Your dick will make you do things like fucking just put in the names of your crushes. Yes. When you start thinking with your dick will make you do things like fucking, like, just put in the names of your crushes. Yes, when you start thinking with your dick, you will have, like, you'll make catastrophic fucking decisions. But no, it's not, I'm not even saying that. I'm not even saying it leads you to bad decisions. I'm saying it also is like, you don't show up when I need you to show up, dude. You don't get hard.

And then when you do show up to the party, you ruin the party by fucking, you know, causing a mess too soon. You know, that's your dick. Your dick is the guy who you can't rely on. It's like, yeah, he's going to come tonight. I promise. And then it's like, he stood me up again. Or you bring him to the party and he comes in sloppy drunk. And everyone's just on their first drink.

And he blows his load literally and ruins the fucking party. So Roman has all the solutions for those problems with your dick. You have the pills for ED. And then also you have the swipes, which will help you last longer in bed. You swipe it on. It numbs your dick just a little bit, and then you can last longer in bed. You and your partner are both happier, sexual confidence through the roof, and eventually you can actually train your dick to last longer on its own without using the swipes in general. But right now, you can get the prescriptions for hair growth and Dick growth,

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John? What? No, 9.2. Oh, okay. I thought that was like, I thought it was saying 99. I didn No, 9.2. Oh, okay. I thought that was like... I thought they were saying 99. I didn't even know they do points. Me neither. This is the first time I'm seeing it. Nine...

I don't believe that... So 10% basically of 1,000 people. There's no way 100 people know that reference. No. No shot. Is there anybody saying kink.com? I bet you there are people who are like, yeah, my grandfather went to the

armory for the American Legion or some shit. Okay, that guy knows. That guy knows. The sex dungeon? But see, I feel like I should have been like, don't Google it, you know what I mean? You can't trust these people. I almost, we're gonna walk around the, can you guys walk around the office and say,

do you know what the San Francisco Armory means? And that, I promise you, will be 0%. Do you want to make a bet? Yes. Do you want to make a bet? I bet three people now. I will bet you that zero people will be like the kink.com dungeon. Okay, I bet you 100 bucks.

Okay, deal. Sausage fingers. Voicemails, let's go. I feel like we've been recording for four hours. I know. So, KFC, Fights, rest of the crew. I have a quick question for you guys. Based off me and my buddies are having a conversation this weekend that ends up getting on the topic of losing your virginity.

And I told them my story, and the girl I had lost my virginity to did not know she was taking it. But she asked me after we had 45 seconds of probably terrible sex. She's like, I just took your virginity, didn't I? And I was like, yeah. And she pointed to the door and just said, get out. So that leads me to my question. What is the most

insulting thing someone has said to you during sex? Viva. I missed the beginning. Was it his virginity or not? Yeah, it so was. And she just said get out. That's the meanest thing. Again, if I was that guy, I'd be like

I'm going to go. I'm going to pack my things and go. I just want you to know, that's exceptionally mean. That was the meanest thing that you could say to me in a very vulnerable state. I just lost my virginity, and I want you to know, you crushed me. Just so you know, if I was a guy doing that to a girl, I'd be considered a criminal. I would be on a list. I would have to fucking go to jail. So what's the most,

uh, man. I mean, I can't think of anything that even compares. I mean, there's nothing, there's nothing. The,

the, the, the wildest thing that's, uh, ever been said to me during sex was a girl who, this is the biggest girl I've ever hooked up with. Like she was like, she was,

she wasn't necessarily, she was like she was she wasn't necessarily she was it was that is just that's so mean too like that i'm not saying this to her face i'm saying raising of that like this is the biggest girl i've ever when i put her legs on my shoulders talking about like a like a I've ever watched. When I put her legs on my shoulders. You're talking about like a cattle or something. Yeah, when I put her legs on my shoulders, it was like I was picking up a weekender bag. I was like, these are heavy. The biggest, I'm thinking. This is a lot of leg.

The biggest, it's like I'm thinking about those state fairs where they have like the biggest pumpkin on record. The biggest I've ever, the biggest on record, the biggest we've ever seen in this town. This girl I've ever worked up with. I used a lot of leg to be slung over my shoulders right now. And, and she said,

she said, Oh yes, spread me open. And I was like, I can't do that. Like, I don't even know what that, I was like,

I just, I'm just physically incapable of spreading you open. Like the thighs are still touched? It was just like, yeah. He was just like, there's a lot of leg here, lady. What do you want me to do? You need like a jack, like the jaws of life. Crank, crank, crank, crank, crank.

Like a speculum. Oh, my God. Wait, why did you say that? Oh, because you said no, I can't. I didn't say no, but I was just like, you were thinking it. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm doing my one move, lady.

Yeah, I can't think of anything. Let me go with my fucking bag of tricks. I got nothing. I was like 19, probably. Yeah. I can't tell if that just means that, you know, every girl has sugar-coated it for me. Or, I mean, I think I just... So, last night on ASL, we had this guy who was like, fun fact, his one fun fact was was every girl I've ever hooked up with said that it's the best sex they've ever had, which is obnoxious because it's like that's the one fun fact you could tell me about yourself.

Like if that's your go to, you're kind of an asshole. But when we kind of talked to him and he was just being honest where he was just like, I don't really even think I do it all that good. But like, girls, tell me it's good. And so I feel like I don't really even think I do it all that good, but girls, tell me it's good. And so I feel like, I don't know. Has girls just been sugarcoating it for my whole life? I don't think I've ever had negative feedback. Does that just mean I'm good at sex? Yeah, I never had negative feedback.

And I don't ask either because I assume it would be negative. So every information that's offered up to me is always positive. I always get good feedback. I just don't ask. I've asked like kind of. It's unprompted. Yeah. It's just like. Offered up.

It's like hey. I think I'm just pretty good at fighting. I think I might sling dick. I think I can throw down on that pussy. Deal with it. So yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I can't think of anything. Guess what? We're funny and we can fuck. You know what I think would be a bad thing to hear?

Imagine you put in an okay effort. So as I sit here and say like, I'm pretty good at bed. There's also times where I'll like finish off pretty quickly. We're not talking like under a minute, but let's just say, I think a funny scene in a movie would be, imagine you give like a good three or four minute effort, which is like, whatever, it's okay. And she says something to you like, it's okay yeah and she says something to you like

it's okay that happens to a lot of guys like imagine you gave an effort that you thought was decent and she goes it's okay don't feel bad about it it's like like i didn't until fucking right now i gave you a solid four and a half that's i didn't i don't feel bad about it that would probably be the thing that hurt me the most. Eat your pussy for three and a half minutes and stuck it in. What else could you want? That's literally what I like to call the blueprints. Okay? That's the motherfucking motto.

Next. What's up, boys? Got a wild story here. So I'm on one of the dating apps, I'm talking to this girl. We're both pretty much just down to smash, move on with our lives, all good. So, we're talking, figuring out when, come up with a date, and this girl goes, Oh, before we meet up, just got to tell you one thing. I just tested positive for herpes, but don't worry.

It's not contagious or anything. Don't have any outbreaks right now. So we should be fine. And my inner Fido bird comes out and I'm like, oh yeah, you know, that's fine. Whatever. Like they use a condom. We'll be safe. Then after about five minutes, I like well this is a fucking stupid idea you're nowhere near hot enough i'm not gonna fuck you if you have herpes so but also i was like is this being a dick being like just go just got herpes and now i'm gonna like deny her some very below average sex who knows but so told her no and honestly she took it pretty well but what's the most stops you get in your tracks thing a girl could say to you right before you talk if a girl told you that she had herpes i'd rather you say that than i'm ovulating yeah right if a girl told you if if you really liked a girl she's super hot you're in the

heat of the moment and she said i get herpes a couple times a year but right now it's all clear would you fuck her yeah but just because i'm a pussy i'd be rude i don't want her to be sad i'll ruin the rest of my life to give her five minutes of ecstasy. Like we just said, we fuck pretty good, man. I'm going to have uncomfortable conversations for the next 40 years just so this girl doesn't have a mediocre night. I feel like I'd still do it. I bet you a lot of us have done it. I would 100% still do it.

But I'm saying I don't even think in the way you're doing it where you're like, oh, I really don't want to be doing this, but I guess I just have to do it. I think I would just be like, eh, I'll be fine. There's so many things in life where I'm just like, it's not going to happen to me. Even with COVID, I'm just not going to get it. And I just didn't get it. You know? I would be like, but just – I would fucking tell her what's about to happen. So she says, never mind, I'm all set. I'd be like, just so you know.

Is it worth it for you? I'm not going to eat your pussy. And it's probably going to be in you for under a minute. Yeah. And she'll go, all right. I'm like, okay, so we're doing anal. So what that mouth do, girl? Imagine you just followed up with that.

She's like, I have herpes. On your asshole like you just just like assume that's where you were gonna put it like in your ass like like oh no my ass isn't good that would be funny too like like yeah so like i told him he like i told him i had herpes and he didn't seem to care like wow like how understanding is he and then like you go to have sex and he just like right away put in the ass it's like oh now you don't even pull your pants all the way down i just need to see the one the one it is after four o'clock it is after four o'clock the eye rolls from jackie are coming the goofy i like how you get The eye rolls from Jackie are coming. The goofy laughs are coming.

I like how you get the eye rolls from Jackie and the head shakes from Zach. Nick doesn't flinch. He knows. I was going to say, Nick used to do an eye roll and a head flinch. A head shake. He doesn't do anything anymore. He's numb. He's just dead into it all. Last voicemail is brought to you by The Zebra.

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and how much money it's going to cost. TheZebra.com slash KFC. KFC, Fight, BC, Nick, Zach, Jackie, what's up? It's Kevin from Chicago. Quick question for you. I was listening to the cast today about dropping out of college, education, all that good stuff. My question for you guys is what age do you give in to being what you are? Obviously, we're all pieces of shit. We listen to this podcast. Not necessarily going anywhere.

We might fall into being wealthy or famous or whatever the case is. But what age do you reach your final form? You just are what you're going to be. You know what? I feel like I just said. It's like I can make fun of my mom, you can't. I can say these things about KFC Radio, you can't. I mean, painting the picture, it's like, well, you're always listening to KFC Radio,

so you're just like an immortal loser with just zero prospects. You're out of shape and disgusting. You're mentally, emotionally, and physically deficient. You're going nowhere in life. Jesus, ease up. Ease up. But, wait, what was the question?

When do you like... I like this question. I think this is a great question. I think that we do it, most people would do it too late in life. I think we did it too early in life. I was going to say, I think that's pretty young. Yeah. So how, like, what's young? How old are you? Well, you're going to say, like, seven or something crazy, right? No, no, no. I was going to say, I think I was pretty young. Yeah. So what's young? How old were you? Well, you're going to say like seven or something crazy, right? No, no, no.

Okay. All right. It was post high school. Okay. Yeah. I think I did it. I think I gave up a little bit. Let's see.

Do you know yours off the top of your head already? I would say probably when I was like 18. Okay. Right? Like, I think I, eh, maybe 17. Well, your college experience was weird. It was after I fucking was told, we don't need you at this school anymore the first time. And I was like, I'm going to go to another school.

And I was like, I don't want to do this. I'm just doing it because I'm supposed to. Yeah. And I'm just fucking. You are who you are. Pissing my parents' money out the window. Right. And this is. And I was just like, and I'm supposed to. And I'm just fucking pissing my parents' money out the window. And I was just like, I'm okay with that. It was just because I was supposed to.

I had no interest in going to college. Dude, I didn't even like, I had like college guidance counselors being like, dude, have you even done applications yet? And I was like, I don't even think I want to go. And they're like, you know what you were? You're in fucking boarding school. What are you you a fucking idiot yeah you're going to college i was like i don't think i want to i think you were born in the wrong era i think if you were right now you would be much more accepted i think that people would be like all right like you're gonna you know start your own thing or like learn a trade or whatever i think right now it's much more accepting to not go to college yeah i. I think you were part of the era.

Just like a fucking trailblazer. I think my era, my generation, you're like, you're lumped in there too, is like, I think we're the last people. Maybe I think,

yeah, I think like the last generation that's like, you have to go to college, you have to get married, you have to have a kid. And I think that like the next generation, I think like there's gonna be a lot more people like Jackie's age, a lot more people who are like i might get married or like i'm not having kids and it's not gonna be like well yeah it's like it's okay you know i feel like there's

there's a lot there's some people like you're not you're not interested in having a family and it's not like what the fuck but there's still like a little bit of like oh okay yeah i think the next generation after us is that's all going to be wide open. At college, at our time, it was like an absolute foregone conclusion. You have to go. I remember when I was in high school, I was like, okay, I'll be married by 22. I had all those stupid

fucking opinions. I was going to be married by 22. I'll have a kid by 26. I'll be the hot, cool dad. I'll have a job. I didn't have any of that shit. None of that shit. Nowhere close. I don't think I technically had a job until I was like 27. I worked at Marshall starting at 21. Right.

But I don't think I was on a payroll or anything. I think, was it that long? What? You went from 21 to 27? No. I think probably by the time I was 23, 24. I remember one of my favorite fucking lines of Dave's ever was when Manzo went on vacation. And I was still not getting paid.

And I was going to take over running Barcelona, New York because we were still at Deloitte. And, you know, not running, but posting your blogs and then blogging blogging myself and you asked dave well are you gonna pay him and dave's reply was what are you his fucking agent dude i i think back to like like things like you know like why why is is uh dave and i's relationship like so bad and it's probably things like that where it's just like things like you know like why why is is uh dave and i's relationship like so bad and it's probably things like that where it's just like i don't know i asked a harmless question he was probably like fuck you what are you fucking what he was daddy i don't know i just thought thought we should pay people who work for our website jesus christ um i think i made it through college i think the moment for me was like when my friends were all looking for jobs,

my friends were all like shooting for the moon being like, you know, well, I have to work at like an investment bank. And like not even like my dream would be – they'd be like that's where like – that's where I'm going to go. I'm that kind of guy. Like I'm an iBanker. I'm a lawyer. I'm a, you know, whatever.

And I was kind of like no you're not like we're just you you're an idiot like yeah like look around here and now in their defense they a lot of them did end up making a lot of money and doing that still idiots and but that's what i mean like when i was sitting around that room i was kind of like you know we play beer pong and like you know we're dicks and shit yeah yeah like we're not special and you think you are and i don't know why and then when i look at it it's like they did it and i we you know we did something pretty unique and special so had i and i i did i did all this well like uh like standing in my own way you know what i mean by being like i'm not gonna make it i'm not gonna make it what if i that's why i'm

always like you know i think part of i think you should be confident i think you should kind of have that gary v fluffy bullshit where it's like anything is possible like a little bit more of a healthy dose of that i think goes a long way i think we're too evolved i think that's our curse we're too smart i i don't know about smart but evolved is the right word i'm i'm too aware aware yeah hyper that's why i always say not i'm not intelligent ignorance but i am i wish I don't know about smart, but evolved is the right word. I'm too aware. Aware. That's why I always say – I'm not intelligent. Ignorance. But I am too smart.

Yes. You know what it is? We're too smart. We know – you know when they say like I know what I don't know? Right. We know that to the max. We know what we don't know, and what we don't know is massive. Like what I do know is a speck. Almost everything. A speck. And what I don't know and what we don't know is massive like what i do know is

almost everything and what i don't know is all of the things so why would i why would i excel why would i be but i think a little bit of uh you know a little bit of confidence or like you know what you know what we need a bit of idiocy uh well yeah i need a shit ton of ignorance because those are the people who are like yeah i can do this and then what happens is you fucking we need a shit ton of ignorance because those are the people who are like, yeah, I can do this. And then what happens is you fucking – we need a little bit of Frank Abagnale Jr. in us. Catch me if you can. Oh, I know. I know the reference. You need a little –

You didn't just say it for school armory to me. I know. Like that guy wasn't – he could do anything because he was slick and suave. But also when you go into it with blind confidence like i can fly this fucking plane yeah i'll pass as a lawyer whatever so it's like i don't think you should be delusional and think that you are special or you are smart or you are you know unique what i think you have to know is that you don't actually need to be any of those things anymore like you can fake it. You can absolutely fake it.

And there are avenues that don't require like top notch talent or top notch smarts where you can get rich and famous and whatever it is you're looking for. If you just know how to play the game a little bit. So it's like, you don't have to recognize, you recognize that you're not special, but recognize that that doesn't matter. And you can

still achieve like big things and then i think you'll you know believing it's possible i think you will actually achieve it a little bit more i think we achieved it like despite our ourselves not because of ourselves you know what i mean so don't do everything i do is despite me yes a hundred percent it's like boy what if and that's why i think i think that about like a good a good analogy is my physical body like i'm i everyone says to me all the time i should be like morbidly obese i should be disgusting and i was blessed with enough metabolism and enough i don't know whatever else where like i can look okay and close you know close off fiasco but. But so then I think

if it was able to withstand all of that, all those surgeries, and my horrible diet, and my lack of everything, if I did work out a little bit, I'd probably be in pretty good shape. I'd probably be a pretty good athlete. I'd probably look pretty good. Same sort of thing. It's like if we achieved all this while constantly

telling ourselves that we suck and we can't do it, who knows what we would have done if we believed in ourselves, John? But then you know what? It wouldn't have worked. It wouldn't have worked. Because nobody wants a podcast with two guys who believe in themselves. Everybody wants a podcast with two guys who are like, we fucking suck. Because guess what?

You do too. We all suck. All right. I'm out of here. I'm going to go to the San Francisco Armory. The soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah.