KFC Radio - The Sui Pod Talks About The Sui Pod Ft. Taylor Tomlinson and Andre D Thompson

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

- We’re coming to Nashville YEEHAW - Stop sending us the Sui Pod - Feits is terrible at Instagram - How to respond to pregnancy announcements - Always Sunny Premiere thoughts - AITA (including Kyle Rittenhouse AITA) - Video Voicemails - Most controversial take - Horror porn - Adult Christmas enthusiasts - Weekend Recs…. Or weekend plans…? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Intro 05:04 - Sui Pod 22:29 - Feits is terrible at Instagram 35:35 - how to respond to pregnancies 57:11 - Always Sunny Premiere 01:00:18 - AITA 01:28:51 - Video Voicemails 01:53:04 -Weekend Recs ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Nectar Sunglasses: Go to https://barstool.link/NectarBSS and use code “Barstool” for 40% off this holiday season! Revitalyte: Pick up your Revitalyte Black Label today in-store or online at the Barstool Store Simplisafe: Go to https://barstool.link/Simplisafekfc for 40% off your entire system. Thursday Boots: Head on over to https://barstool.link/ThursdaybootsKFC and try a pair today with free shipping & free returns Upstart: Go to https://barstool.link/upstartKFC Whistlepig: Visit https://barstool.link/piggybackryesmash for more info and make sure you grab a box in select stores!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. He's marinating in his tongue. You're trying to get it down right now? Please, please drink. Oh my god. Got it. That was repugnant.

There's only one door out of this. Where am I? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's KFC and Feidelberg. We are here to fuck around, and we are coming to Nashville. Yay! For the Nashville comedy. I almost said howdy, and that would have been lame. Thank God I didn't.

Nobody would come. I just said yeah. Nobody would have showed up. Guess what? I'm fucking excited to go to Nashville. But also the fact that you admitted you were going to say howdy almost kind of just kills it anyway. Yeah. Howdy, y'all.

We're coming to Nashville. No. No. No. Coming through your city like a bachelorette party with chlamydia. They even talk like that in Nashville? I don't think so, though. They're all from Boston.

Nashville's like a fucking... Nashville and Austin are just like... Hey, pocket car! Nashville, yada! Stop it. We're going to lose all of our tickets from Boston and no one's going to buy in Nashville. You're ruining all of our appeal

in all the cities across America. The John Feidelberg effect. We are coming to Nashville for the Nashville Comedy Festival. We just did the New York City Festival. Now We are coming to Nashville for the Nashville Comedy Festival. We just did the New York City Festival. Now we're coming to Nashville. So we will be there Thursday, April 21st, 7 p.m. show at Zany's in Nashville. It's only 270 seats, so these should fly.

We are – Yee-haw! Never mind. They will be available for many many months to come this will probably have to get canceled because nobody will buy it our covid 20 came i do like every time we announce the show we do have that in the back pocket in case we're not gonna be a super spreader event we could only we could only have 100 people there. We have to shut it down.

If we cancel the show, we're going to say it's because of COVID. It's because no one bought tickets. And it's because of you right now. We are sandwiched in between Burt Kreischer, Bill Burr, and Tom Segura. So make a weekend of it. So we don't blame you for not coming. I was going to say, if you only have enough money to buy one ticket, it's probably not it. So we don't blame you for not coming. I was going to say, if you only have enough money to buy one ticket, it's probably not ours.

And I don't blame you. Go to the other shows. But if you got extra money to spend, and you want a break from real comedy, and you want to just come for some fuckery, come on down. I feel like Suge Knight in that video, you know what I'm talking about? You probably don't. You know what I'm talking about, Suge Knight?

You don't want any producers in there. You want to go to a comedy show where they just stand there for a half hour, an hour, and tell really, really good jokes? You go see that. Tell jokes that they've worked on and honed a craft. Make sure they're really, really good. And they're topical and punched up.

Or you want to come around with the boys. You want to drink milk on stage with the boys. Come see KFC Radio Live. They are on sale at Zany's of Nashville or all of our social media at KFC Radio. Tickets are available now. Hopefully they go quick, and if not, it's because of COVID. God damn it, Fauci.

Enough of the regulations. Jackie, how are you you gonna fuck up today? It's been a week. It's been a week for the KFC Radio kids. We've got the Taylor Tomlinson event. We've got the podcast where there was just like five different conversations going on at once. And what was the third thing? You guys fucked something else up as well.

There's definitely a third thing. Oh yeah, we fucked up everything with Colin. His name, his hometown. Have a week! What? Are you just throwing someone else under the bus right now? Right on it.

There was something called out yesterday. The promo for Coley's behind the blog was Mick Coley, not Coley Mick. Way to go, Jackie. Right under the bus. I said the amount of pranks we're going to have to pull this week is astounding.

I didn't know that one. That might have been the biggest mistake of all, just throwing your fellow podcast member right down the hole. That's not a mistake. I mean, maybe that was an accident. Yeah, that one's not nearly as bad, but that was funny that you were like, what about him? What about that? It's exact day.

Oh, man. I'm in a good mood today Which is funny because You have these moments where It's like a look in the mirror moment Where you realize And it's one we've known for a long time But certain things happen on the internet

Where I'm like really this is it huh I mean maybe 70,000 people sent me the suicide pod from Switzerland. Hands down our most shared topic. One minute ago, another person just sent it to me. Something that works here for KFCR. Non-stop. There is a – in Switzerland or – what's the other one?

Switzerland, I believe. Switzerland. What's the other one? I always confuse it. What's the other worthless country? Sweden. They have a euthanasia suicide pod. It looks like a little spaceship.

It looks like the thing that fucking Superman showed up in. You go inside of it. It doesn't sound – I'm trying to – I actually haven't read it yet. It says – the description is good. You go inside of it, and it just sucks the oxygen out. And it says that you get like a lightheaded euphoric feeling before dying. But that just sounds like suffocation to me.

Yeah. Which doesn't sound enjoyable at all. It's like, hey, put this bag over your head. You know? It's like that game we used to do when we were kids where you choke yourself out and try to cum. Well, that's what I said. So if I went in the pod, I would just jerk off.

I'm sure they didn't think that through. They're going to be like, okay, head in there with your stage four cancer and you had a good life. Do you have to have some kind of qualification? We'll talk about that in a minute. Is it like getting the booster shot early? I think so. Are you going to have asthma?

That's what I did. But I'm sure they're thinking that. Like, oh, this person knows terminal. Or this person who has this horrible disfigurement, whatever. They're going to put them in the pod. You put those together. Yeah. Both places.

This person who has stage four terminal cancer and this person who stubbed their toe. No, no. Disfigure. No, this person who had their husband throw acid on them. Yeah, exactly. Either way, you don't want to live. They're going to close that pod up and they're going to push their button, and it's going to be like, and they're going to be like, all right,

open it up and get that dead body out, and there's just going to be cum everywhere. I'm telling you they didn't think this through. If you're telling me that you're going to cut off my oxygen supply, the next step I'm thinking is I'm going to try to cum before that happens. So be on the lookout for suicide. Fire one more. Yeah, yeah. This is like suicide by autoerotic asphyxiation.

Shout out David Carradine. That caught on. And you like the fucking, the coroner who signed up thinking this would be easy. He's a medical examiner in town in Switzerland. Yeah. Over in Bethlehush. And it's a popular town in Switzerland. I'm sure.

I'm sure it is. No. Definitely is. And he's tired. In Bethlehush, there is a swath of suicides. It's got to be. People can't stop. There's this one very iconic building that people keep jumping off.

And he's like, I'm tired of scraping, of shoveling bodies off. And then this thing comes around. He's like, oh, I'll sign up for that one. This will be easy peasy. No problem at all. Come everywhere. Done deal. He's like, oh, I'll sign up for that one. This will be easy peasy. No problem at all. Come everywhere. Done deal.

The first guy to go is Kevin Francis Clancy. Leaves a Vatlo that hit an air conditioner in any hotel room. And then he catches on. Word spreads around town through all the who's in Whoville. And they're like, dude, the biggest fucking load you'll ever shoot. Right before you die. You poop yourself, too. But you fire, the biggest fucking load you'll ever shoot. Right before you die. You poop yourself, too, but you fire off a huge fucking load. I could see the word spreads and everybody in Bethlehush is like, have you heard about the jerk-off machine?

It's not a masturbation machine. It's a suicide pod. Oh, I've got to get tickets to the jerk-off pod. That's not what it is. And this guy's got to fucking carry out every cummy body. He's like, I wish they were just jumping off buildings. At least then I got to use a shovel. I mean, if you're smart about this, which I'd imagine the scientists and the engineers who came up with this are,

I would imagine when I was living in Murray Hill, I had a washer and dryer all in one machine. I know these. You know what I'm talking about? It took nine hours. They put two things together and neither of them worked? Yes. It took nine hours, but it was like, okay, it's done. We're going to drain the water, and then it's just going to start the dry cycle.

I would imagine there's a suicide and disposal in one. Like you push the button, it sucks the air out. You push the other button and it's a garbage disposal. It just grinds you up and sends you out of here. I was thinking it just drops into earth. But I like it better. You kind of ground up. Yeah, maybe it'll grind you up and then I like a little trap door and it just falls into the earth.

And you give people an urn that's like, yeah, here are the remains. Here's all their teeth. We don't want the teeth going in the garbage disposal here are the remains. Here's all their teeth. We don't want the teeth going in the garbage disposal. Here's Grandpa. Here's his cum and his teeth. On the funeral.

Okay, so I'm going to – But I wonder – that was my question. If there needs to be – if you just show up there with however much money it costs, maybe they make it really expensive. There's got to be something that stops just like the average Joe who's having a bad day from signing up for suicide i think i don't know man i think that's i think it's more calling everyone in the world pussies like like oh like this was invented for us you got mental health issues like oh yeah you little bitch here you go cash on the table put your money where your mouth is you really want to fucking do this shit though i didn't need this but it is like you know there are those times where you had uh um finish it just finish those times you have those showers where you're like it's like if i had a gun in the house this shower would be messier but you don't get but you don't get the gun right and so this is like, but now everyone's got a gun.

It's a communal gun. Yeah, and now Switzerland's like a KFC radio. You queers. You want to actually die? Stop fucking crying about it on a podcast for three hours twice a week and fucking do it. You want to have a wild ass live event? Here's a quote. Wow, man.

Here's a quote. The machine can be towed anywhere For the death Dude what if we had someone What if we went to Switzerland and we had someone kill themselves Live on stage I'll be honest That scares me too much I'm out on that I don't think I'd like that

I don't think I'd like it either But I think it gets the fucking eyes Call Logan real quick See what it's like See if he can go back in time What's Logan think about that move I haven't read this yet So I'm going to fire through it quickly

We'll make our comments A coffin-like capsule that allows people to end their life could be used in Switzerland for next year, its creators say. The Sarco Suicide Pod allows a user to lie down and activate the process themselves. Nope, can't do it. Within a matter of minutes. Individuals are asked a series of questions before they can press a button, which brings oxygen to a critical level. Nitrogen fills a 3D printed device. They couldn't get any humans to make it.

They're like, you're going to do what with this? No, you fucking psychopath. File of the robots to it. Quickly bringing oxygen down from 21% to only 1% in about 30 seconds. Or you can just get COVID. Get your oxygen levels real nice and low. Not come to our show. A disorientated and euphoric feeling then follows before they eventually lose consciousness.

Death takes place due to hypoxia, low oxygen in the body's tissues, and hypocapnia, reduced carbon dioxide in the blood, followed by a critical oxygen and carbon dioxide deprivation. Dr. Philip Nitschke, whose Exit International organization came up with the capsule. Exit International? Exit International. I would call it the Irish goodbye. I wish that

some Irish engineers made this and it was called the Irish goodbye. You could get the Irish goodbye. It's a little cheaper. It's a handgun on a bottle of Jameson. Oh, my God. There is no panic, no choking feeling. The machine can be towed anywhere for the death, he said. It can be an idea. Dude, could you imagine just showing up with your suicide pod,

just pulling it like a little rolling suitcase? I'm here with my death machine. What if I chose the subway on 33rd and 6th? Bring it here. Is Steve here? Steve? He's like, I just finished my chicken ranch real quick. Open up.

Everyone in there is like screaming. No, no. You're smiling. See ya. Oh, have fun explaining this one. The kid's over a $5 foot long. This is like, this is basically David Blaine did this at Times Square when he went inside that ice cube. This is just that, except he would be dead at the end.

This is some performance art shit. went inside that ice cube. Yeah. This is just that except he would be dead at the end. This is some performance art shit. Except it would be better. Yeah. It can be used in an idyllic outdoor setting or on the premises

of an assisted suicide organization for example, Subway. The person will get into the capsule and lie down. It's very comfortable

barring any unforeseen difficulties. We hope to be ready to make Sarco available for use in Switzerland next year. Around 1,300 people ended their life last year using assisted suicide in Switzerland last year. Yo, everyone who talks about Switzerland and Sweden, right?

I keep getting them mixed up, but I'd imagine they're the same. Everyone sucks Sweden's dick. They're so progressive. Their insurance is great. Everyone has jobs, everyone this and that. Well, how come you need fucking suicide machines over there then? This is – and it doesn't say at the end. It doesn't say what people can – what you need to have.

There's got to be, no? But it does – the final paragraph is for anyone struggling to cope, call Samaritans for free or 116-123 or contact other sources of support. So that leads you to believe that simple depression is enough to get you an appointment with the pod. If Hot Skyler lived in Switzerland, he'd be dead. That guy would have been like, just push this button. He lives in Tennessee. Right? Yeah.

We're coming down. Yee-haw. I would think that they at least make you talk. Like, you know what they do? They give you so much paperwork and shit to do that I'd be like, never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you probably have to see. You probably have to do a certain amount of hours of, like, counseling first.

Or probably have to prove, like, paperwork that you're dying. Or show that you don't have any, like, responsibilities. Or some shit that I'd be like, never mind. I'm just going to go back to life. like paperwork that you're dying or show that you don't have any like responsibilities or some shit that i'd be like never mind i'm just gonna go back to life like like like anything i could do 10 minutes of work or just trudge through it for another decade yeah i'll try i'll try to do it it's like yeah this the sui pod is like the ultimate breakup where it's like are you really gonna do this this five minutes of like hard work and and break up or are you just gonna just let it just slowly die out see you for the next decade

honey and then we'll break up where's dinner yeah right do you think uh i mean it let's say you were really you wanted to do it is this how you would do it no man you're making a show out i don't want my grandkids to have their pussy grandfather died Let's say you wanted to do it. Is this how you would do it? No. Sweet pot? No, man. You're making a show out of it, right? I don't want my grandkids to tell me their pussy grandfather died. How would you do it? Never mind.

You know what? I don't think we should do this. I don't think we should explicitly enumerate how we're going to do it. I think we're all set on that. I think it would involve a shovel and a scraper, though. It would be a little bit more messy than a little suicide pod. I would do it in a funny way where I'd poop off the side of a building first, right? And then jump.

And then be like, I think he was just shitting and slipping. And then there's mystery to me. My name lives on forever. Mystery. Like the 7th Street shitter. Remember him? Like he was... I can't shit from the 73rd floor first.

There are people... There are many takes about this. Just a museum built to my honor. Big turd. It was where a turd... I don't think they're going to make museums for the guy who shit off the building. Yeah. Well, and die.

Because there's mystery. There'd be a true crime about it. Maybe someone got pooped on their head. They got so mad they ran up there and threw him off the building. Sure. That's mystery. There'd be a true crime about it. Maybe someone got pooped on their head. They got so mad, they ran up there and threw him off the building. Sure, that's plausible. They're definitely going to have a little spot on the sidewalk for you.

Like right here. Right here is where it landed. You can take pictures like a Hollywood star of fame, except it's where the fucking Fidelberg shit landed. I think if I, you know, I think ultimately I do want to kill myself. And I mean that, Jackie, when I'm like hopefully like 100. Not 100.

I want to be like 78. When I'm like about to die or whatever, I don't want to go out natural. I do want to go out on my own terms. Yeah? I probably would just like flood me with morphine and just like kill me, you know, which is basically assisted suicide. But I think I want to be like,

three, two, one. I want a ball to drop. I want my family to cheer and then I'm just like, ooh, man. And if this pod

is a little more, you know, if it's a little easier, then maybe we do it that way. I don't want to, I don't want to let cancer fucking take me out. No?

Technically it was me. Oh my, I'm better than cancer? I don't want to let cancer fucking take me out. No? Technically, it was me. Oh, my. I'm better than cancer? I don't think so. No, you're not. Shit. No way. Cancer's taking out a lot of people better than John Feidelberg.

I'll tell you that. I'm not going to be the one to step in cancer's tracks. No, not me. Not I. Cancer might not even get you. Cancer might be like, I am above you. I'm above killing this. Like, you know what's worse than me is just letting this guy continue to be.

Cancer's like, I'm the fucking fat, ugly person at the bar, 2 a.m. Cancer's like, I'm out. You might be the cure for cancer. I'm going to fucking pound off. You might be the cure for cancer. The cancer cells mutate inside of John, and they're like, what is this? Holy shit. I'm afraid of these fucking cells.

I'm out. They kill themselves. All you need is a dose of John Henry to cure your cancer. Happy to help. So, you know, everybody can stop sending us the suicide pod now. I think we've covered it quite well. Absolutely. I promise you this.

Nowhere else on the internet, on the podcast world, radio world, nowhere else will you find a better breakdown of the Switzerland Suicide Pod than radio. I think we've really found the pros and cons. We have our niche. And if Switzerland would like to invite us over to talk about it, maybe you do a podcast with us before you hop in there. We could really flesh out this specialization. Oh, boy, what?

We'll go to Switzerland. We'll do a show. I don't want them on stage, but behind us, they're just fucking – there's a big line of people just coming in, and we're both just hitting buttons. Not even giving them the time of day to acknowledge that what we're doing is taking a life. We're just on stage talking about pooping off a building,

and we just randomly hit a button and then someone in there dies and then... She's getting the jar. And then... The jar's dead. The pig is dead.

That's not a suicide. I'm doing a murder jar right now. Who's got the murder jar? And then they're like... They're just like... They get the coming fucking shitty body out and then they put

another one in. They keep on pulling that lever. What is that? People in the back, they're getting seven-second thoughts. Bing bong. Another one. Another one. Jesus Christ.

Do we need five minutes? I don't know. No. Nah. Get your Nectar sunglasses for the holiday season. You know my... Nectar sunglasses, the most affordable, high quality, stylish sunglasses in the game today. Check them out. Check them out.

These are so fresh, I'll even wear them in the wintertime. I'll break my rules. Bro, I was walking down the street today, and I had my sunglasses on, and it is not sunglass weather at all. Because it's the winter. It's not true. It is just a very overcast day. You must look like an asshole.

To a person. Everyone who walked by me looked at me a lot. Too much. But I'll be honest. You got a hangover. You need your sunglasses. You're having a bad day, puffy eyes, you pop on your shades, whether it's morning, noon, night, whether it's winter, spring, summer, fall,

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Get like 10 pairs. Drop them in everybody's stockings, your brother, your sister, your mother, your auntie. Everybody gets Nectar Shades when you use code barstool at nectar sunglasses.com that's nectar sunglasses.com promo code barstool for 40 off this holiday season do you guys you know we have this social team here and we have everybody who's been trying to like grow our our social media and our Instagram presence. Do you guys ever get mad at us for our social behavior? I don't know who's trying to grow our social presence.

Is that Zach? Is that Zach? Do you remember Zach's first day when I asked for help on my Instagram when he went, you want me to help you on personal Instagram? I was like, oh, my bad. I'm sorry. Do you remember that, Zach? I do.

Yeah. I was just like. I was like, oh, sorry. Sorry for overstepping my boundaries. No, no, no. Well, no, I just thought. So it was just a weird like. First of all, I didn't know you guys like at all.

So I wasn't really sure what you meant by that because I said, like, do you want me to just like you guys, like, at all. So I wasn't really sure what you meant by that. Because I said, like, do you want me to just, like, post pictures of you? I was like, I don't really know what you meant. I'll be honest. I'm a little bit on Zach's side here. Because in 2021, in this industry, you should probably run your own Instagram page. Oh, really, Kevin? Yeah.

Because guess what we're about to talk about? Exactly the reason why I shouldn't be running my own Instagram page. And that's really, there's two ways to look at it. Either John needs to or someone needs to. Because John – and this might not even resonate with some of the listeners. When I say this, you might not understand it. But John just has a regular-ass Instagram, which most people maybe don't like. You do too, right?

99% of you people listening at home, you have an Instagram account too. But last night, John's out and everybody's kind of talking about their Instagram stats and followers and engagement. And they're looking at their page and their insights. And when you do what we do, you sign up for like a business account and then you can get insights on all – like how many views this video got and how many new accounts it reached and how many followers you gained from this post. And it has how many people you reached over the last seven days as compared to the previous seven days, all this shit. John didn't have any of that because he just didn't sign up for it. I just went and got an Instagram.

He just was like, I got an Instagram. Pat grabbed your phone and looked at it. What did he say? He goes, you just have a regular Instagram, John? Are you fucking kidding me? He said, this is the most John thing I've ever seen. It truly is. But it's like cancer won't even kill me.

What's so special about me that I should get a special Instagram account? Nothing. I just went to Instagram, downloaded Instagram, should get a special Instagram account. I went to Instagram, I downloaded Instagram, I uploaded a picture of soup. That's how I got my very first Instagram. And your latest Instagram, no, no, no,

forget the soup, just go to the latest one. This is classic. This is just John eating fucking donuts. Just like the Gen Zers. Just becoming a fat Asian man. And this is what the man does with his Instagram.

If you're listening, stop right now and go to the YouTube and watch. It's worth the view. It's fucking... It's worth it. You're not going to scroll away to the bottom. You probably could. It's probably like 100 posts.

No, it's a while. But the... Like, yeah, it was a picture of a bowl of soup. Because I was like, if I do an Instagram, right, it's a soup. Yeah, no. You might be... Like, you have a decent amount of followers just because of who you are, but you, pound for pound, like all things considered, might be the worst Instagram user of all time. Oh, I'd say by far. Yeah, I'd say there's – because, like, there's nothing –

Like, there's other guys out there who are worse than you, don't have as many followers, you don't post at all, but they don't – that's not their job. Yeah. So, like, comparatively to your responsibilities, you don't post at all, but that's not their job. Yeah. So, like, comparatively to your responsibilities, you're the worst Instagram user of all time. I would say there's a good chance of that. I'm not joking. I'm not. It's not a bit.

I'm saying it for real. You are the worst ever. I'm not, like, posting, like, pictures, like, oh, look at me. I'm handsome. I'm not Jeremy Cohen. No. Certainly not. And then, like, I'm not funny.

Nope. You like not hot you don't understand it you don't get the you know you're not you're not up on the trends no i don't get it at all whatever i mean you are kind of you know you're a gen z now so yeah i'm a gen z so i the filters yeah but like even that i know i know that gen z is like thank god he's doing this because we need someone out there to be started. We need a Gen Z-er who doesn't know what to do. Gen Z drops to their knees and thanks God for you. Well, yeah.

Because why? Because I'm the face of Gen Z. They don't want to break it down barriers. I'm the first Gen Z-er to be bad at social media and to use old people filters and stuff like that. And they like that? Oh, they've been wanting to do it. Because it diversifies them? Yeah.

Oh, finally. We're not just all. Yeah, there is. There's a soup. There it is. There's the bowl of soup. And what's the caption? Soup.

Am I doing Instagram right? That's soup. Soup. What was that? I've had it for a long time. 2012. 2012. I've had Instagram for a long time. Terrible. If I reached out. a long time like if I if I cut if I reach out that's a good picture if I

reach out to is I am NOT great with filters well well back then dog everybody did yo this is my nightmare. The thing where that was going to be my Instagram thing where I just put up pictures of Dante and changed the filters. You had a theme going there for a little while. Yeah, I don't know. Oh. That's funny. That is funny.

That one plays forever and ever. That one works. No comments. Yeah, you are the worst Ever Yeah I'm bad I'm bad at it But you know back then It wasn't as

Imperative now It's like Without this You won't have a career Yeah but now I'm gonna do like Oh I'm shadow banned Cause I think I am shadow banned I don't think you are

I think I'm shadow banned Why? Because they know I'm about banned because I think I am shadow banned. I don't think you are. I think I'm shadow banned. Why? Because they know I'm about to figure it out. We've got to stop this guy before he gets too big. That train's getting rolling. This guy's going to overtake the rock soon. We've got to shut him down. It's so bad.

He's just new post. These things fucking suck too. You know what? The only thing that I think might be worse though is I have the business account and I don't use it at all. Well, I have a business account now. You do. You're upgraded.

This was on Friday. So the most John thing is not even having it and the most Kevin thing is just I don't even use it because... Well, I'm never going to use it. I'll never open those analytics because what am I going to do with them? Figure out people don't like me, don't like my post, don't follow me? I thought

that I was shadow banned too because I just wasn't getting any followers. And then I was like, wait a minute, I think I was not getting any followers. But then I did open that up and I realized I've got three strikes against me so I might be in Instagram jail right now for some bullshit Zuckerberg. Me and you in the fucking streets, bare-knuckle boxing.

I'm going to beat your face in, Zuckerberg. I got one strike because I posted about Natasha Bedingfield's fat ass, which she loved, by the way, and commented on and followed me, and we DMed about it because she's got a fat ass. And what girl doesn't like a fat ass? Also got a strike for bullying because I posted DMms to me saying to kill myself oh i remember that one and then uh a third one that has something to do with sex which maybe one's good is there a place to find out my uh strikes i'm almost going to and guarantee you don't have any strikes because

you don't ever post anything i don't think the soup is ever going to be a strike against you. Yeah, you go to – I'll give you the – Gaz gave me the – Oh, okay. Also, I have zero – I don't have a professional account. Go to settings, help, support, request any violations. You probably don't even know how to go to settings, do you? I'm guessing this thing up here is top right. Yeah. Settings, help top right. Yeah.

Settings, help. Oh, boy. I don't have help. Support, request. You don't even have that? I have report a problem, help, center, privacy, and security, help. Yeah. You just don't got it, bro.

It is. But maybe you don't have any violations or anything, so maybe it's not there. Well, I think it's because I thought I had a professional account. Casey helped me set it up, and now it says you have done zero three steps complete to set a professional account. So I think she just lied to me. Be careful if you just switch to a professional account because if you're not careful, you could accidentally put your number on there. So just be aware of that. All right.

Well, we did it in a bar, so I'm sure we were very careful about it. All right. Good. Yeah, yeah. So just to recap this segment real quick here, John is officially the worst Instagram user of all time slash the face of Gen Z. Yes.

Don't you ever forget it. Welcome to KSU Radio, the most masculine, feminine, anti-constitution, anti-mental health podcast with the face of Gen Z and the worst Instagrammers alive. Hey, hey. Yeah. I knew that was coming. Let's talk. We got a lot. This is going to be a long podcast.

We got two interviews coming up. We got one with Taylor Tomlinson, one of the most established and successful comics in the game. We also got Andre Thompson, who is the next generation, the new up-and-coming best comic in New York. Andre's very funny. Very funny. Andre rope-a-doped us. Andre came in very downtrodden and rather gloomy, I may say. I thought he was going to hate us. He still might hate us, but I thought he was going to let it show on the podcast. funny very andre roberto does andre came in very downtrodden and and rather gloomy i may say i

thought he was gonna hate us he still might hate us but i thought he was gonna let it show on the podcast and he was kind of like is this thing on are we going i was like yeah and then it was like boom and then he was very funny strongly became recommended by ricky velez when ricky came in and was talking about the next generation of new york comics he mentioned andre r, who I saw at the Salad this weekend, by the way, and murdered. Ricky did so well that John's family refused to believe that John knows him. You can't possibly know someone that talented. You're you. You're the wolf.

How could you ever associate with someone that funny? I was talking to him afterwards and not personally DMing, and he's like, oh, I'm going to come over for a drink. And they're like, you're lying. No way. And he couldn't end up making it. And they were like, yeah. Yeah, sure.

That's your friend. That's what we thought. That sucks. That's what we thought. Polly was like, oh, yeah, really? Oh, I got a call from my mom yesterday as I was about to start the Kevin Clancy show. She texted me, guess whose car I'm in. I'm like, that's not good.

That's a weird thing to say. Punch out the taillight! Wave your hand! That's a weird thing to say. At my mom's age, she should never be in anybody's car other than her own or mine. That's it. She's in Big Pussy's car from The Sopranos.

Like his car from The Sopranos? No, no. He's like Big Pussy, has a car. He lives next to my parents. And she's in his car. Did she drop a Big Pussy on you? Yes. She keeps saying Pussy.

She won't call him Vinny. That's his real name. She just keeps saying Big Pussy. And she's been telling the story to everyone, and her friends are like, can you stop saying Big Pussy? Actually, I keep saying friend. It's one person. She has one and her friends are like can you stop saying big pussy actually i keep saying friend it's one person she has one friend or one friend says stop saying big pussy uh and the funniest part was so it was and then and then my mom being like just my mom i'm like what do you mean she's like well the neighbor's house burned down and i was like what yeah you know so the neighbor's house burned down so there was all these uh fire

trucks and ambulances on the street that was blocking her driveway, and she had to get to the doctor for her knees. And Big Pussy was like – first of all, he ended up just lending the car, and my dad drove it. But at one point, he was just going to drive my mom to the doctor. I was like, if you were just getting driven to the doctor by Big Pussy, that would be the most preposterous thing to ever happen. If you just called me, like, yeah, I'm in the back seat. Like, Pussy's driving me. Ridiculous. Fucking Pussy.

They're so old that, like, Big Pussy was like, do you guys know how to drive? How old's Big Pussy? Big Pussy's no spring chicken. No, but that's my parents are, like, you know, I guess. Do you guys know how to drive? Yeah, so my dad was like, yeah, I can drive. Here are the keys.

You don't have to crank this one. So my mom's going to make him some pumpkin bread. Oh, very good. Yeah, so it's wild. He just lives this, like, very simple life right next to him. I mean, you know, my parents' house sucks. And Big Pussy lives right next to him. But I'm like, oh, okay, Ma, I got to go.

I'm hanging up the phone. I'm like, the fucking neighbor house burned down. Big Pies in the car i don't know that is crazy just ridiculous like burn to the ground my god okay see you later mom so anyway i'm gonna call a big pussy how does this correlate so we got the interviews uh if you want to go watch listen to that podcast it's behind the blog with Coley Mick. I never put it into perspective until I was introducing the interview. Coley went from intern to editor-in-chief of one of the biggest media publications of all time. Yeah.

He's one of the most, like, technically, like, you know. Mail room to the boardroom type deal. One of, like, the greatest stories ever in the history of, like, media and journalism. Fuck it. Fuck it, Coley journalism. Fuck it. Fuck it, Kali. Let's go. Also, congratulations.

He got number two on the way. He announced that yesterday. And we'll get into our voicemails, of course. We got M.I. the Asshole. By the way, I get so awkward when people tell me about kids. I saw Kali and his wife at Pat's game recently. And his wife was talking to my dad, and was talking to Coley And Coley kind of He hit me

He's like hey He kind of pointed at her And he's like Give me like the number twos on the way Kind of deal And I was like oh shit Congrats blah blah blah And then I

Never said anything to his wife Because I didn't know if I was allowed to It is awkward You never know who knows what And who's supposed to know what You know what you should do Okay I'll

I didn't know if I congratulated her and be like, cool, what the hell? Right, right, right. So that's a good – we should give advice on that. Here's what you should do. Anytime you find out someone's pregnant, go up to her and give her a little shadow boxing stuff. There you have another one in the oven.

She'll love it. Love it. you think that's a little too aggressive drop down to your knees and kiss her stuff i heard there's a bundle of joy in there that's what women love if you touch them and you approach them and their unborn child in precarious ways. They love that. It's crazy, man. People just – But I am with you that it is an awkward situation, but the decisions that people make in that awkwardness is wild. It's like, so you didn't know how to handle it, so you thought that was the way to go? I have a friend who did like the classic movie trope.

He worked in retail once Once his name was Nicky He like you know on the floor Of like the Gap or something like that And he did the old like oh what do you do And it was just a fat woman It was just a fat woman buying fat people clothes I've never had that I was like I can't believe it actually happened

He did it for real And she was like I am not pregnant And he was like I I can't believe it actually happened. He did it for real. And she was like, I am not pregnant. And he was like, I'm going to go fucking quit my job now. Off to Switzerland to tease. Is that a Switzerland accent? To tease. Switzerland to tease. Off to Switzerland.

I think when you find out that someone's pregnant, you should say congratulations. And then take it how they want it. That's it. That's it. Well, I do love that period of time. Let's call it 27 on to 30, low 30s when it's like, is this a good thing? Yeah, yeah. Congrats. Condolences. the uh money for an abortion when i was in college um my friend we were 19 at the time he got his girlfriend

pregnant jesus and he like just drops it on me when i'm drunk with all my friends he's like uh yes she's pregnant and i didn't know how to respond whether like congratulations i like at 19 it's like a silence for, like, 10 seconds. My friend just goes, so what are you going to do with it? And this kid's, like, from the deep south. So he's like, what do you mean? We're going to keep it. I'm going to raise it.

But, like, fuck that kid. That's a complete – okay, let's talk about it in stages. You're 19 and you tell someone you're pregnant. Their appropriate response is to help them find an abortion clinic. Who's got we taking? Go get the coat hanger from your closet. Say, I got a staircase in the back that got 10 or 15 stairs. I'm 33.

You tell me you got a kid. Well, that's what I mean. Who's got we taking? So then mid-20s is a pause, and you got to look. You got to, like, mid-20s is you got to freestyle. You got to, like, look at their face and judge at how they tell you where. Like, if someone says to you, like, come here, come here, dude, come here, and you, like, go into a room at at work and they close the door behind them.

Like, I got to tell you something. She's pregnant. I think you can understand where we're talking. You know, if it's like, I got news, we're pregnant. Then, you know, you got to read the situation a little bit. And then I think once you're old, it's like you're having it. Right. Even then, though, it's a situation by situation basis.

John tells you he's having a baby. That's not congratulations. That's all fuck. Yeah, buddy. You right. And then, oh, this is what I wanted to say. So, 19 and up, or like teen and

younger, I'll help you find an abortion clinic. Mid-20s, you gotta read the situation. 30s, 30s is like, congratulations. Then it comes back around. Then if it's like 45 and up to 50, I'll help you find an abortion clinic.

So then you show up at the abortion clinic with the 19-year-old and the 50-year-old. It's like, we're too old. I'm a fucking kid. So it all comes full circle. It's the circle of life slash death. There you go. There's how to react when someone tells you they're pregnant. But congratulations, Coley.

Jesus Christ. Oh my god. He's in the good window. Yeah, yeah. He's in the good one. He's fine. The reason I didn't say anything the whole time was I was like, I wonder if she knows. Well, that's the other thing, too. It's not, yeah, with someone like Coley, it's not about whether or not they're going to keep it. was I was like, I don't know. I wonder if she knows. Well, that's the other thing, too. It's not, yeah. With someone like Koli, it's not about whether or not they're going to keep it.

It's more about, am I supposed to know? Well, I mean, like, I'm dumb. I mean, I wonder if she knows. Oh. I was like, I wonder who you're spoiling it for. Like, Koli. I don't know. My brain panicked.

It was like Koli had seen what the baby. I don't know. I brain panicked. It was like Coley had seen with the baby. I don't know. I don't do well in those situations. I'm going to say almost, not 100%, but almost 100% of the time, the mom knows if she's pregnant before the dad. It's really not 100%, but it's almost. She knew. Yeah.

It turns out. There could be a situation where you pee on a stick and you're like, you tell me. Like, Hannah, I'm sure that's happened before. Yeah. I'm sure there's been some test results that have been read by a father before. I'm sure it can happen. Probably not, though. Probably safe to assume the woman will know if she's with child.

Growing something. Yeah. The way I found out. I know when I have a tummy ache, so that makes sense. Yeah, exactly. It's when I have a tummy ache, so that makes sense. Yeah, exactly. It's just a really bad tummy ache. When I found out for the first one, it was – I know exactly where I was. I was living in Hoboken.

I was in the living room. She was in the bathroom, and I just heard, Kevin! So that's when I knew. Actually, wait a minute. Here I am. Here I fucking am just being absolutely wrong. I was the 1%. I knew first because – for Keegan.

Because we were at a CVS and she was like, I got to go get pregnancy tests. And she came back to the counter to check out with pregnancy tests. And it was something crazy. I wish I could remember exactly now, but it was like pickles and cookies and ice cream. And I was like, you're fucking pregnant. Put the other thing back. Put the test away. Go get another jar of pickles and put the pregnancy thing back.

It wasn't pickles because I know that's like the movie trope, but it was like three things that she never eats, including ice cream. And I was like, you're knocked up again. Like, really, go put the clear blue back because we'll just save the 70 bucks. We're going to need the fucking – We have some college funds. Yeah, we got two now. So there I am.

In that instance, I knew first. So it is funny as you get older, though, the things you learn about, like, you know, the number one thing. You know when they say, like, what's something that, like, rich people and poor people do? And it's like cocaine. You know what I mean? It's like babies are something that, like, young people and old people can share as, like, is it good or is it bad or whatever. And as you get older, you never know what the situation is going to be. You're getting older, and you're trying to stop it.

You're trying to not get so old. Me? Not look so wrinkly. I – no. No. No. That's a misrepresentation of what happened. Oh, really?

Because people, when they're just young and good-looking, go get Botox, huh? It is. I did not want – so what what happened on out and about podcast today i was told to go into the studio i knew well i was well aware of what was going to be going on in there it was uh a that's not true because you walk in that room you never know it's gonna be hard you go in the out about pod if you walk out and you haven't been fucked, consider it a light episode. But so I went in there, and I told everybody. How about this thing? What?

This button-up, polo, tight thing. Yeah. How about that? It's a little Marino Italian wool. You wouldn't know anything about that. I get fucking Marino Italian wool from Banana Republic. This is something that only you could pull off. If I were to wear that, I would look preposterous.

If I were to be like, guys, check out my button-up polo. It's nice, eh? Well, it's nice on you. Thanks. You fill it out well. Your arms look good in it. I would look ridiculous in it. Is it like, yeah, it's like stretchy, though, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about that? I got it in white, too, so I'm glad you like it. You're going to see more of it. Yeah, no, you're dressed in trendy. You're the face of Gen Z. But if you're going to be the face of Gen Z, you can't have an old-ass face.

You've got to fucking paralyze these muscles. Yeah. But, no, it won't be done yet of Gen Z, you can't have an old ass face. Gotta fucking paralyze these muscles. Yeah. But no, it won't be done yet. I'll tell you all about it. So I told everyone. I said, I'll come in. I'll do a consultation. That'll be funny.

I sat down and she was like, you have great skin. Consultation over. And I was like, oh, that's not funny. You do have great skin even though you don't wash it ever, huh? I do. I wash it now. I do. You and Whitney bullied me into it.

I do. I am a washer now. Okay. Good. I'm proud of you. I said on that podcast, I said, someone send me the- The regiment, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

And an anesthetician sent me, here's what you need to buy. I bought it. I use it. So now you're not a greasy fucking- No. I don't feel- It doesn't feel any different, but I wash my face now. Yeah.

30 fucking. What? How old are you? 33? 33. 33 years old. Unbelievable. I don't know if it's changed, but I wash my face now.

Anyway, they sit down, and she goes, but, and I was like, here it goes. And she's like, your 11s and your 1s got fucking jacked up. And she's like, I would fix that. And it's like where your wrinkles are, like where you make. I panicked on the show. I forgot how to squint. Can you squint for me? No, so you can't really do it either.

What do you mean? I'm squinting right now. Yeah, you all stink at squinting. Talking about it. I am definitively squinting right now. Yeah, you all stink at squinting. Talking about it. I am definitively squinting right now. But you don't have any squint lines then. They might not have jacked you up at all. They might have been like, you get the fuck out of here, bro.

I mean, I am squinting, right? Am I? I don't think I know how to squint. Yeah. Because I was like, it's like, squint for me. It's like you want to get. You're just closing your eyes. Why didn't I do this?

I guess the difference is, what, squinting is like you're bringing your top eyebrows down a little bit, right? Like what's the difference between squinting and closing your eyes all the way? Do you just stop yourself halfway? This is as dumb as we've ever been. But the – I figured it meant she wanted – I don't know how to squint. Squint for me. I don't know how to.

She was like, I want to get the wrinkle lines. I imagined she wanted me – so I was just trying to make myself have the wrinkle lines. She was like, what are you doing? Like, I said, just fucking squint. You might need a different medical test kit. Checking this kid's chromosomes over here. And then she was like, so I was like, I was like, okay, thank you.

Like consult. Yeah, it's harder than you think. Also, does squinting even work? You know when you, like, squint to try to see something? Does that work? It doesn't seem like it would. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I think squinting's a myth. Well, I think it's for people with eye problems. Neither of us have eye problems. Right? We both have good vision. But, like, when I squint, my eyelash is kind of like getting in the way. If anything, it makes it a little harder to see. But then again, maybe I'm squinting wrong.

Squinting's a myth. Not everybody can squint. I'll make you squint. But it was the... I was going to be the end of it. And then they were like, but why don't you just... what if you just did it? And I genuinely did not want both of them.

Yeah. You got bullied. I think the lines are masculine and cool. I like having my – Oh, well, that's stupid. I like having my furrow lines and shit like that. That's good for you. No one else cares.

And the – But the fact that you got – this might be a new low slash high for Feidelberg. You got bullied into getting poison shot into your face. That's a new low. I got bullied into my second medical procedure within these walls. Involving sharp needles. I've had two medical procedures in Barcelona Sports Headquarters. And neither of which you wanted.

And you went along with. Now they are like, it is not permanent so they said i think in like six months probably it'll be gone again but they're like but you'll be back which maybe i will be we'll see um you don't i've never i mean i i would never look at i've never looked at another guy and been like oh he has wrinkles so i don't know if you do or don't but you definitely don't have it enough that i've ever noticed. Yeah, no, I'm the same. I wouldn't notice anything. When you do that, but it's like, do I

have wrinkles or am I just moving my skin? Creases. I wouldn't say my... Yeah, yeah. When my bed's not made, I wouldn't say my bed's wrinkly. I'd be like, it's folded in a weird place. Oh, I don't have wrinkles. I just didn't make my face.

Yeah. My face isn't made. Well, when it's where it's supposed to be, my bed isn't wrinkled. My sheets aren't wrinkled. Right? But then when it's fucking, when it's ajar, like that, askew, it is technically wrinkled, but it's not. I'm right.

Okay. As long as you're good with it, man. As long as you're happy, dude. I ended up, I recorded late, so I didn't go in, but I want to try to get these fucking bags gone, but I don't think I need Botox in my forehead. I mean, like, I, they almost got me doing filler. That stuff, I mean, you know, that's what you want is the jawline.

Yeah. But I don't know if I want to put filler on my face. That's a lot. That's a lot. Because you know what it is, too? That's a slippery slope. I don't think you just do that once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you've got to keep it up, and you become addicted to it.

I'll go from zero to botched real quick. I'll look like that guy trying to be the Ken doll every year. Gets $100,000. I'll look like Justin Bieber, and he becomes a fucking freak in nature. I'll be that guy looking like Teddy Pendergrass from fucking Atlanta real fast. It is. Those people are perfectly – they perfectly exemplify like how fucked up the human brain is. Where you can just go.

Because it's like fucking – what's the eating disorder? Anorexia. Oh, yeah. Or like even bodybuilders. Bodybuilders look in the mirror and they think like they're like, I'm skinny? Anorexia. Oh, yeah. Or like even body builds. Body builds look in the mirror and they think like they're like, I'm skinny. I need to be bigger. So weird. It's like you really – like you literally see something different.

You just can't see it. It's crazy. So yeah, those people aren't like – they're mentally disturbed, but it's like they're just – Oh, yeah. No, they are. What they're seeing is just not what we see. It's wrong. It's crazy how that fucking happens.

And really, like if you were to break it down and be like, what's the definition of, like, an insane person? You'd be, like, it kind of boils down to, like, someone who does not see reality. Right. Right? And, like, you're crazy. Just someone who works out a lot is an insane person. Yeah, absolutely insane. You look in the mirror and you're ugly.

Ew, look at this. Like, this must be what everyone sees, this little piece of fat. No one's looking at that. Everyone's like, dude, that dude's fucking chest is way too big. It looks like he injected it with motor oil. Right, right. But at the same time, super vain and shallow and do want to look good. So there's a quick fix for that.

But what I did last night is the one thing I was told not to do. I got home and fell asleep immediately. Probably like face down on your fucking forehead. Do you get Botox? No. No? I'm trying to wonder how bad. I mean, it doesn't look like anything happened.

Jacqueline? I will soon. I don't think anything happened, but I woke up on the couch like, God damn it. Well, yesterday you had like an injection spot, but I can up on the couch like, God damn it! Well, yesterday you had an injection spot, but I can't even see that anymore. Maybe if you really, really look, I can see. But other than that, try to do it with your eyebrows. They said that's only Saturday.

Do you feel anything? No. When I did... I can't wait until you're just like... That'll be funny. I did immediately... And when you're laughing, you're just like... That'll be great. Let did immediately. And when you're laughing, you're just like. That would be great. Let's get your whole face done.

So yeah, when you're laughing, you're just like this. That would be great. Let's just turn you into an absolute science freak. Shoot him up another one, doctor. Put it in there. Yeah, if I could get the eyes done. But I think the eyes, they need to shoot things in. I don't like that.

I know. Because it's so thin. The skin's thin. So that's why you can see the bag. So they got to fill it up. So it's, I don't know. I don't want to do that. When they fucking hit you with this stuff, you feel things going into you.

And they were like, don't be worried about the crunching sound. It's not, it's, it's just, I forget exactly what it was. I said, but like, basically it was like, it feels like,

like bugs are being squished inside your head. I am so out. Which I kind of liked. Yeah. You would like that. I would hate that. Oh, it was crazy.

It was like, no, thank you. It was, it was like squishing like a little, like a little cockroach in your... I got a lot. I got juiced up a lot.

I used to get it in my armpits, and that was a lot. How many, like, do you know how many CCs you got? I think it was like 40 to 50, something like that. Yeah, when you get your armpits, you get a fuck ton. How many? It's expensive then, right? Yeah, I think it was like a thousand bucks when I used to do it. Yeah.

But that was for, like, sweat, not for, like, looks. Shout out Sterling, by the way. Maybe maybe i'll maybe we could do the jaw thing oh do i have a hot jawline do you want to fuck me totally fucking hot or you can just fucking hydrate yourself and make sure you drink revitalite every time you drink too much alcohol that's the main honestly you want to shoot poison in your face or just like stop if you stop poisoning your body on a regular basis you won't have to poison your body on a regular basis write that one down down, Jackie. What is it? If you stop poisoning yourself on a regular basis, alcohol,

you won't have to poison yourself on a regular basis, Botox. Really? No. Oh. I don't know. I mean, I guess so. If you're not fucking drunk and you don't have alcohol in your system, you're probably going to be better looking.

You don't have to do it. That was a little too comfortable. Why? There's people in the room. Bro, I fucking through that all the time Not like that Yeah, like this You went like this

And then when you got it, you were like Yeah, you The lips and everything Come on Come on Getting too comfortable But if you drink Revitalite, you'll be hydrated Your body will appear fresher and healthier and sexier,

and your face won't be all puffy and swollen. You won't have that red drinking face because you'll be fully hydrated with electrolytes and all the ingredients you need to make sure that your body is running smooth. Right now there's the Revitalite Black Label, which was specifically made for stoolies by Barstool. It's the blue flavor that you can put in your alcohol. You can drink it beforehand, before you start drinking.

You can use it as a mixer while you're drinking. You can use it afterwards when you've got your hangover. So drink it before, during, and after, and try to nip that hangover in the bud and make sure that you look good and don't have to get Botox in your face. Go to Revitalite.com No, go to

DrinkRevitalite.com or you can follow them on all social media at DrinkRevitalite. Check it out at the Barstool Sports store where you can buy the Revitalite black label at the Barstool store along with all the merch that you're getting and tag at DrinkRevitalite in all your morning after stories um what's the story morning glory if it's intentional or if i and not if i missed but like the sunny premiere was not... I think they just kind of snuck it in there.

Really? See, I had it promoted heavily on my... I guess I follow all of those. Well, but they premiered it streaming on Hulu before it was on regular TV, right? Really? I don't know. I don't think so.

No? It was on air on TV already? Last Wednesday night, I had some event or dinner or something, I forget. So I couldn't watch it live. But no, I think it's just on FX. I just thought like by the time I finally saw a clip on Instagram, it was like two episodes streaming now.

And I thought it was like an early release to try to get people to like sign up for Hulu or something like that. No, because when I got home from whatever I had to do Wednesday night, it was like 11 o'clock. And I was like, oh, I know it was actually midnight. And I was like, oh, hopefully it's on Hulu. And it still wasn't. So it was when I woke up the next... No, it was actually midnight. And I was like, oh, hopefully it's on Hulu. And it still wasn't. So it was when I woke up the next morning,

but it wasn't. Okay, so either way, the first two episodes did not miss, man. It was so good. And it might be... I haven't seen the second one yet. I'm only seeing the first. The first one is like a Forrest Gump episode.

The second one is Lethal Weapon. Oh, the second one is Lethal Weapon? Yeah. Oh, okay. So it's unbelievable. Yeah. Oh, okay. So it's unbelievable. Like, unbelievable. It's just two episodes that I want to say, like, they're not the funniest episodes

Sonny's ever done by any margin, but they're, like, the best in the sense of once you become, like, a super fan like we are, I respect what they do. And it's just two episodes that only they could do. The Forrest Gump episode I think requires great writing. And the Lethal Weapon episode requires

complete and total fuck it from the network and everybody. You know what I mean? Just make it. Do whatever you want. It's so ridiculous. And they are like like, nailing the issues. They're talking about race in Hollywood and representation and what you can and can't say.

And they do it in a way, like, that's been beaten to death over the last couple years. And now they're material on it's coming out. And it's almost like they knew it was going to be beaten to death. So by the time this comes out, we need to do it in a more unique way. Just fucking nailed them and as i see those clips and i see more and more clips of the sunny podcast those three are about to take over the world and even more than they already have yeah and i almost hope that they get like

i hope they have like a joe rogan-esque podcast and get like the awards and recognition they deserve for the fucking tv show for their new form of media because they're good at that too. Yeah. They're fucking good at that. It is. It's the podcast that showed me how to like podcasts. It's the first person who really fucked me good. You never forget your first person that fucks you good.

The Forrest Gump episode. When Sonny does episodes where they are berating and bombarding a regular person, they're always at their best. And there's a PPD lone officer there, and it's just perfect. Who is so – I forget what he's from, but he looks so familiar. He's that guy who's in that thing. He's the perfect actor to put in that spot. So go watch Sonny and go listen to their podcast.

Hopefully we get them back on the show soon. Alright, let's get into Am I the Asshole now. We'll get into the Reddit posts and the internet posts, but first, I think unequivocally, there is a biggest asshole, at least in the country right now. I was going to go a different angle with it.

Speaking of podcast superstars... I like yours better. Kyle Rittenhouse, the new media superstar. The media blitz is on. He'll be on next week, folks, talking about a nice set of tits. He joined Twitter and Instagram and then went on like every conservative podcast under the sun. And actually, oddly enough, when I have not actually watched these podcasts, so I'm only either reading, reading clips or reading quotes or watching clips. The only thing that I saw when they actually talked about like the shooting and the trial, he was he was like very mature.

He was like, this is nothing to be congratulated about. He's like, if I could go back in time, I would not have gone there at all. But I did, and that's what happened. And I defended myself, and now I'm out. I was like, wow. That was great. And then that's it. The only other thing I've seen from these podcast clips

is just Kyle Rittenhouse talking about fucking and titties. Just talking about losing his virginity and how he likes big butts and how he likes tits and likes girls of all ethnicities. And it's just this 18-year-old kid who probably... He's a fucking dork. So he probably did just lose his virginity, if at all.

So every clip I've seen is him just... The first clip of him... The first clip that really started to go viral is when the hosts go like, hey, we know you're not shooting blanks, which is pretty fucked up all things considered. Jesus. But I'm trying not to be biased about it. If Tom Segura said that on stage, I'd be like, whoa, that was aggressive, but it's funny. Oh, yeah.

It is funny. It is funny. For sure. It is a aggressive, but it's funny. Oh, yeah. It is funny. It is funny. For sure. It is a lot, but it's funny. Here it is. He's like, we know you're not shooting blanks. We know you're a good shot. And everyone's kind of like yucking it up.

But then he launches into his virgin joke, which is just an all-time. Like, he had this one in the holster ready to go. And he's like, I saw some like 25-year-olds on TikTok saying like, I can't wait for all the conservative milfs to take Kyle Rittenhouse's virginity. Too late. He said that? Yes. And he does this thing with his eyes. He leans back and he's like.

And it's like, you know, he's just like. But play it again you don't even need the audio you just gotta see his face the way he he says it and he leans back and he just kind of wants like the the crowd reaction and then the eyes shifting side to side is just like you know he thought he fucking nailed this zinger of a joke not right there no no he missed he's like he just looks back like yeah yeah yeah that one right there and the guy

but so and then there's another clip where a guy's like what do you look for in a woman which is admittedly a weird question

to ask an 18 year old I'm trying to I was trying to put myself in that spot if I had Kyle Rittenhouse in here I don't think I'd be like

and maybe I'd say like do you have a girlfriend or something but I'm like what do you hey kid what gets your dick so when you jerk off

what's in your fucking head when you cum and he's like what do you look for in a woman and Rittenhouse is like it is bro that

that the first comment is it is funny to say on a not to his face I don't think. Like, yo, remember when you murdered people?

Right. Like, even if you're innocent, like, that's – and he is innocent. But, like, the – like, even if you're found not guilty, it fucks with you. Absolutely. I wouldn't want someone being like, remember that time you murdered a bunch of people? Right. Which is probably why I wouldn't go on a media tour. That's the thing.

That's why – it's like he's on this media tour Because he This is a cash grab And he's gonna be a Republican hero He's probably You know He said on this interview He wants to be a lawyer now

He wants to like lean into this Fine whatever Every fucking 18 year old Like he wants to be a lawyer Like Every single If you're Like everyone who applied to college

Is like I'm gonna be a lawyer Right And then you realize You're not fucking smart enough. And there's nothing good about it. And him being like, you know, you shouldn't be congratulating this. You shouldn't like glorify this. It's like, well, that's what the whole media tour is.

You wouldn't be on a media tour if you didn't kill those people. Right. There's no story. You didn't do anything if you didn't kill those people. And whether or not he that's why i don't really put the blame i mean you got to put the blame on him if he's going to be an 18 year old he's going to be an adult he's going to be having he can own a gun he can shoot those people can stand trial as an adult you got to treat him as an adult and be like you should have had some class and like some don't be tone deaf here and just like fall back a little bit whether or not no matter what you think those people were scumbags

the one was a rapist they deserved it self-defense all that can be true is true court of law found it to be true fine but then just chill for a minute but you're not you want to you want to capitalize so he's fucking putting on the full court press so he's like one level of scumbag the other people like the adults in the room being like yeah get the kid who fucking killed him to fuck it like because they it's a it's a win it's a victory lap for them for their like politics and that's and then so that's kind of like politically kind of weird to me to be like we're gonna use this 18 year old kid who went through something traumatic to prop up my political beliefs but then on top of it we're gonna talk about sex and he says what are you looking for in a woman? And he clearly, Kyle's like, um,

I, and he just goes, yeah. And Rittenhouse is like, yeah. I like a girl with a little bit of butt. Oh God. A little bit of butt.

This is pedophilia. This is pedophilia. Slim waist, big, this is, this is pedophilia. This is pedophilia. We gotta cut this.

Right? We gotta cut this. This is pedophilia. Like, there is a level of like, I'm a pedophile now. This sucks. What do you guys do?

I'm just hearing that. That was the most perverted thing I've ever watched in my life. That was very uncomfortable. At one point he goes, what ethnicities? And Kyle Rittenhouse is like, I like all ethnicities. And he's like, you like them skinny? And he's like, nah, I like them thick. And I was like, what the fuck is going on?

That was so uncomfortable it is it's beyond belief but i guess like shout out to him for even saying this stuff into a camera like i wouldn't when i was 18 years old i wouldn't like talk about my sexual proclivities into a camera but i guess you know nothing ages you like a murder spree in a corporate trial grew up real quick real Grew up real quick. National trial, I meant. That guy's fucking, man. That guy's fucking now, John.

He became a man. He slayed a dick. Not a murder spree. A kill spree. I mean, that'll age you real quick, man. And then he was like. All right, I'm an adult now. I like a little bit of butt.

Hey, yo, that video right there, bro, you shouldn't hold guns. Yeah, right. A kid who says, I like a little bit of butt, and when someone does this to you, you go. Yeah. That means you're not a. Oh, I like boobs, too. I go, yeah. That means you're not a... I like boobs too. Really? I said one more podcast

and you would have been talking about bags of sand. It was that 40-year-old virgin level. Nothing I like more than a nice fucking big boob. No, no, no. With a... Boobs with nipples

That's what I like Oh my god When I see When they're round And they're big When I see a butt That oh I'm just like Fuck I love butts

I just wanna I just wanna butt fuck I just wanna I wanna fuck those Boobs Those butts Oh someone's gonna take his virgin I'm like oh

Too Too late Stop Stop And then he said Fuck He said take his birds. I'm like, oh, too late. Stop. Stop. And then he said, fuck you, LeBron. I've already put my P and V. He said, fuck you, LeBron, straight up. I could see that.

He didn't even say, fuck LeBron, but he was like, fuck you, LeBron. That's a very fair statement. I think that tweet from LeBron was pretty out of control. Also, whether or not you even, if you agree or disagree, like, he has every right to be like, fuck LeBron. Oh, yeah. Like, even if you side with his tweet,

you have to understand the person that was on trial being like, well, fuck you, dude. But I, like, bro, LeBron, bro, I fucking kill people in the streets, dude. Like, that's just straight up what happened, man. I fucking killed motherfuckers in the street. You want to talk shit? You want to act like a tough guy?

How many motherfuckers have you gunned down, LeBron? You want to talk tough? I shoot motherfuckers with my AR, okay? Remember that Kevin Garnett clip? That was Kyle Rittenhouse in real life. Got a couple MAC-11s, a couple AR-15s, going to Kenosha about the gun motherfuckers down. That's what Kyle Rittenhouse was in real life. You fucking talk about it.

Rittenhouse is about it. He's about that life. You fucking put it on a record. Kyle Rittenhouse does it in real life, tough guys. That is going to slow turn from Nick. Yeah. I walked out to slow turn from there. Yeah. I walked out to get a granola bar. I come back.

You're fucked. I don't know what's going on. We are cooking. I said, what kind of podcast would talk about tits and ass and hating LeBron? Who would ever make their money that way? No respectable media or blog group would ever make money off of sex and fucking LeBron. Go ahead, Kyle.

Do your thing, man. Go ahead. Where does this go from here for Kyle Rittenhouse? Does he just have his own podcast next? Yeah. Yeah, he's just going to be doing this like every week. Yeah. The Rittenhouse show.

He's going to be the stack guy of Louder with Crowder. That point. That point. He's going to make so much money. Tony Reale, what do you think? He's going to make so much money just off the backs of everybody who rides for that. Listen, give it a couple years. You give him some truth serum. What's the best thing that's years you give you give him some like

truth serum like what's the best thing that's ever happened to you kill me that night kill me if I didn't kill people I would just be like some dork

who never even got to touch butts yeah never even got to see boobs I killed a couple junkies and now I get to have sex never lost my virginity to a to a patriotic mom

it's probably like exactly what it was. Him and Gunther. She made me do the fucking Pledge of Allegiance first. If Kyle Rittenhouse and Poop Girl were to have a kid, it would be, I mean, that's, I don't even know what kind of creature comes out of that. Kyle Rittenhouse was so confused

when he took off that patriotic mom's pants. He was like, fuck, it's the flag. I can't get on my knees. I stand! Standing 69 only. Fuck, it's both of them. He's laying there. He's standing up.

Goodness gracious. All right, more M.I.D's standing up. Goodness gracious. All right, more am I the assholes. What do we got? We've got am I the asshole for not giving my babies, quote, normal names? Huh? I'm 24. My fiance is a 27 male 24 year old girl 27 year old male

We're currently expecting twin boys After trying for a year we've never been more happy My family is non religious His are practicing Catholics he is not 7 months along And his family are asking what we're thinking of naming them We've already decided on their names Phoenix Gray

And Griffin Dean. Those are. That's a male and porn star. It's a female and male porn star name right there. Okay. Phoenix Gray and Griffin Dean. Bro, I've watched

Phoenix Gray get fucked in the ass. Phoenix Gray is a porn star name, right? No, but... No, but there's... I don't... I feel like... Google it. I feel like Phoenix Gray

might actually be a porn star. In the case, I probably don't know her. But Phoenix Marie... Phoenix Marie and Sasha Gray. And James Dean are coming... Yeah, Phoenix Gray's gotta be... Author. Oh, that looked like a porn star. But Phoenix Marie and James Dean are coming. Yeah, Phoenix Gray's gotta be... That looked like a porn star for a second. Super secret nerd pen.

Phoenix Gray and Griffin Dean. We've never been ones for run-of-the-mill names. My name is out of the ordinary. My fiancé goes by his middle name, Cassius. The idea of calling our children, not that these names are wrong or bad, Daniel or Thomas or Samuel just doesn't fit with us. It's not us.

My in-laws are furious. One, because they're not traditional names. Two, because they do not bear any affiliation to family members. My fiancé is named after his grandfather. His sister is named after his aunt, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And three, because they're mythical creatures. They're mythical creatures from other cultures. That is apparently what they dislike the most.

But we really love the names. We already have a girl's name picked out too. Valkyrie Lee. Hell yeah. To pay homage to my Danish grandparents that cared for me when I was a teen. I don't think any of these are that bad. They are abnormal names. They're cool.

These are, when I heard, like, are we assholes getting non-traditional names, I was kind of like, ah, boy, they are going to be assholes. I think these are fine names. I think they're interesting, kind of like, it's not like, what the fuck? That's a crazy name. I think it almost, it's, you're setting your kids up one way or the other. You might have two like You might have a pop star

And a fucking President on your hands Like Phoenix Gray's Got the new album out And Griffin Dean's On his first turn You know Or

Or you got two kids Who are like I don't know Gonna get bullied Because they don't Live up to their cool ass name It's like Phoenix Gray You're a fucking loser dude

I don't know I mean You're gonna stand out Yeah yeah For sure don't know. I mean, you're going to stand out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. And whether you want that or not, you know, maybe if you have a weird name, you might get bullied. If you have a cool name, it might become a thing. It can go one way or the other.

But it's definitely not going to just be like the safe play, which I do feel like kind of give your kids a blank slate to work with. How so? Like, don't start on one way or the other. Because you have a rather unique name. I guess so. As I was about to say that, I was like, but I don't think of Shea and Keegan as, like, these are, like, cocky names.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, these feel like you're trying, these feel like you're writing a book and you're trying to have, like, a character with a cool name, which is, like, you know, that's what you're doing for your kid. So, like, maybe we should do more of that. But also, you know, why don't I just name my kid Wolverine then?

Why didn't I name myself Wolverine Clancy? Well, I had a buddy named Logan. I thought he was, like, the coolest person. Yeah, so that could be a thing. It could be a good thing. I agree, though, that these aren't bad enough. Like Apple, that's like a lame word. That also isn't a name.

It's like, ugh. But Phoenix Gray and Griffin Dean is... Those are main character names. I was thinking about that recently when that person was like, oh, it's nice to meet another John. And I was just thinking about names a lot. And it was like... Where did we get off just given...

Why did everybody go with John? Oh, I don't know. And Tom All the normal names You could make up another word Or there's a million names to go with But a lot of you just chose John They'll just have the same name

Fucking why? That's going to be confusing That's going to be weird Why do people just repeat names? Like I said, we had nine in my family Some of them died But we had nine Well, it. Some of them died, but we had nine. Well, it's always like religious reasons. Yeah.

And then if you name it after family, you have a lot of them, and then it's going to beget a lot of them, you know? But I don't know. Come up with some more shit. Come up with some Phoenix Grace. I think if you do that, I think either of those names are cool-ass kids because there is a cool story. They're fucking Nordic gods.

The parents seem – it's not like we want to be different. It's like there is like it's like there is still a family connection to it. And those are fucking those are good names. Fuck you. Not the ass. My favorite. Fuck your parents. Fuck your stories.

I think they're true. But at this point, they've kind of become urban legends. But I think they were always born out of like truth is. Have you ever heard of Absody? No. The name Absody? It's just A-B-C-D. No. And it's pronounced Absody. And there was there's Nosmo King

and it was just no smoking. Someone was looking at a no smoking sign when they were coming up with the name and there was Nosmo King. There was The Coldest. The Coldest. There was Ladasha, and there was, like, Nosmo King. There was – There's the coldest. The coldest. There was LaDasha, but it was spelled, like, L-A hyphen A. Some names out there, there's absolutely – There were, for a period of time, I would guess that it's gone down,

but, like, in, like, SportsCenter's heyday, there were Espens being born. Really? Yeah. Espen. That sucks. That sucks now. See, those are stupid. Right.

Because that's like your parents were like goofy and just like, wouldn't that be funny? Like we named you after a fucking channel. Yeah. I named you after a sign on the wall. Butt stock high. Yeah, you're right. Right.

This will never fade. This will always be cool. So, yeah, all right. I'm with them. I think the parents are the asshole. Or the grandparents or whatever. The rest of be cool. So yeah, alright, I'm with them. I think the parents are the asshole. Or the grandparents are the whatever. The rest of the family are assholes. Am I the asshole for refusing to apologize

to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house? I'm going to go to the Too Long Didn't Read just real quick. Too Long Didn't Read. My husband invited his family without telling me, so I cancelled, and he wants a formal apology. I want to get into the written part of this.

So whatever. He planned a party, cancelled it. I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who received the invitation explaining that we would not be hosting. He found out and went off on me calling my behavior outrageously appalling and said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small with no authority.

In a very strict tone, I replied that I didn't sign up to host a celebration and accommodate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler, and working. He later talked about how I disrespected his father and him. And with that, I said I demanded a handwritten apology for canceling the event and for being insensitive towards him and undermining his authority in front of his family. But I said no apology from me in any form. We'll be coming. What do you think?

So she just canceled the party? Do you want me to go do the details? Yeah, you can give it to us. You want me to just give it to you? Yeah. Basically, dude's dad died. He decided he's going to take over. They used to hold everything at their house.

Oh, that's important, yeah. My father-in-law passed away a year ago. My husband decided, as the man of the family, to host Christmas at our house. Unbeknownst to me, he sent out invitations for a five-day Christmas celebration to his entire family, which is 26 members i found out about it by accident and i was too shocked to react i confronted him on it he said i shouldn't be surprised and that get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's head and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence okay that that's important this this is I think this is somewhere in the middle leaning towards she's still right. You can't plan a thing for 26 people unless you're going to take care of all of it.

Like if it's like, honey, get in the kitchen and start cooking. Right, right. She's pregnant and working and taking care of a toddler, and it's like, fuck that. Yeah. Who are you, Coach Taylor? Right, yeah. Unless you are a, Coach Taylor? Right, yeah. Unless you are a Texas high school football coach. No.

So, like, I think she is. Honey, the fucking team's coming over today. And guess what? Tammy wouldn't stand for that shit. No, she wouldn't. Tammy said, oh, I better get on the grill then, coach. Right. So, you can't do that.

I think, though, like, the guy's dad just died. He's clearly going through some sort of, like, I need to step up for my family. You know, his heart was in the right place, like, of being, like, I need to be, I need to, like, fill the void. It was his father-in-law, though, wasn't it? Her father-in-law, so his father. Okay. So his dad dies, and he's like, I got it. Mind your business, bro.

What? Mind your business. The girl or the guy? No, the guy. Mind your business. It's kind of his business, no? bro. What? Mind your business. The girl or the guy? Nah, the guy. Mind your business. It's kind of his business, no? Nah. It's not his dad.

It's his dad. Okay. Okay. So hang on. Okay. When the wife says my father-in-law, that means the husband's dad. Okay. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So his father died and he's like, I need to fill the void of my father. And this Christmas we're going to come to my house, and I'll be the rock of the family. I think that's a good thought. That's some big-time guy shit. Big time. I'll be the rock of the family. Honey.

Can you handle all this? Honey, fix this. Do it. Babe, can you do fucking everything? This works 250 years ago. This works. I am the head of the household. Where's the market?

You want me to get what? Exactly. So that's where it's somewhere in the middle. I will protect my family. I will provide for my family. His whole family is like, hopefully Rick doesn't try to act like dad because that dude sucks.

He sucks. There's no way he could fill the void of dad. His son clearly didn't get passed on to that generation. Wish God took you instead, Rick. Yes, right. I think that then he's got some, like, you know, masculinity issues with being like, you took away my authority. How tall is Rick, do you think? Probably like 5'6".

Yeah. That's the problem. But I do believe there is some level of like – I don't know. If I was like trying to plan something and my wife like canceled it without talking to me and everyone in my family was kind of like, oh, wow. She wears the pants in that relationship. Part of me might be like, fuck yeah. I'd be like, yeah. But she wears the pants. I'd be like, yeah.

She fucks with the pants. I don't care. Why does anyone care? Why does anyone surprise when the woman wears the pants in the family. I don't know if this is our people, but like me, you, my friends, family, like all like the Irish people I know, I guess. The mom runs everything. Runs the fucking show. I don't

know many people at all, if any, maybe a couple, who like the father, the patriarch is like dad makes all the decisions and the women like cower away my dad's like ask your mom yeah you know i'm like dad can you can we like can you do this i don't know like ask your mom your mom like runs the money your mom runs the family the events the this or that like even there are times i will i'll call my dad for something like the one thing is like uh

if there's something i think that like directly my dad can help me with my mom would be like why are you calling your father why aren't you talking to me like yeah dad can help me with my mom be like why you calling your father Yeah, I mean dad can help me with that no talk to me first It's like it's like the mob boss like you gotta run through me. It is a funny time That might be one of the times you become a man in life when you realize Because all you've heard your whole life as a child is like oh The moment you realize the man in the house has a vagina is,

is he like, oh shit, mom runs everything. Yeah. Some Becky Lynch shit. She's the man. Yeah. Like,

like it was, like you were always scared to ask your dad for stuff. Like, wait, he's the pushover. Yeah, he's going to give it to me.

I'm afraid of her, not him. She's the one. Yes. She's a bitch. Dad's cool. He's just like one of us. Mom's a bitch. Dad's cool. He's just like one of us. Mom's a bitch.

He's also a captive here. She makes him pay rent. The whole rent. He wants to run away also. Yeah, that's a moment for every guy. Some of you are like, ah. Yeah. All right.

And don't get me wrong. I wouldn't have it any other way because if anyone else was in charge of the house, we'd all be dead. Right. It would be absolute chaos. Yeah. It would be total chaos. We would forget to eat. Right.

Ayo. Here's a bowl of cereal and a dog bowl, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. And what do you put in cereal? A juice box? All of that being said, I think that biologically or socially or whatever, there's still something about guys needing to feel like there's at least a facade of masculinity about them. So women are probably moms and wives and women are probably within their rights to be like,

shut the fuck up. No, we're not doing this. We're doing it my way. I'm canceling your plans. But if you don't want to have major issues, probably do it in a – massage that. Make it seem a little bit like it's his idea or loop him in on canceling it. Yeah, that seems fair.

Because you will have a husband who's going to be like, fuck you then. Yeah, it seems fair to inform him that it will be canceled, but it also seems fair to cancel it. It's almost like don't, you know, kind of like the rule is always like don't embarrass your spouse in front of people. Like, I'll emasculate the fuck out of you behind closed doors, but I won't do it in front of other people. Like, listen, we know that I don't have any authority here.

We know that you wear the pants. Don't rub that in my face in front of my whole family. Let me at least pick up the phone and say it's cancer. You think you raised a man? Right. I'll show you what you raised. She walks out with her hand lit with your head on a steak. This is what you raised.

So that's eating robots with your fucking severed head. We've reached the severed head eating box portion of the show. Package your family? What is that? Oh, the opening of Gladiator? When they come out with their heads? Merry Christmas! You call this a man?

Yeah. Yeah. That's what most women are like. They will chop your head off and fucking make an example out of you. What's so funny, though, is every wife like that eventually becomes a mom that gets, like, cut out and shit on by the new wife. You know what I mean no like like my mom was like an as an asshole to my dad and his family but then like if if one of the wives of her kids i like that she's like what's like oh why is she like that bitch what you're you're the queen yeah i mean it's all fucking cyclical, you know?

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Fights, KFC, Paz. I want to have a hair on this guy. Jackie. It's your boy, Mello, from the 30 Rows Up podcast. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, 30 Rows Up. But I had a question for you guys. What is the most controversial take that you have? I got really offended by fights last week or on Thanksgiving saying that butternut squash was better than mashed potatoes.

I pretty much boycotted the last two episodes of K I apologize for that. It's an idiotic take. For that. My biggest controversial take, I think, is eggnog can be year-round. I know we're in December. It's for holidays, mainly Christmas. But I think it could be used year-round or drank year-round. You don't want ice cream in the summer? Have a nice cold glass of eggnog You don't want ice cream in the summer? Have a nice cold glass of eggnog.

That's my take. That's very controversial. Eggnog? Eggnog. It could be your roast, right? I honestly don't know if I've ever had it. Eggnog just grosses me out, so I don't think I've had it either because the idea of this carton of milky, thick alcohol freaks me out. Yeah, I mean, I drink it, but it's not something we have.

It's a rum drink, right? So I'm not a rum guy. Yeah, I think it is rum. But you can do it with whiskey too, I think. Yeah. Maybe they need to do that. They need to rebrand eggnog with whiskey or vodka or something a little better than rum. I could be wrong. Maybe you can't. Like I said, I never had it.

You could do whatever you want. I feel like you grow up in houses. I didn't grow up in an eggnog house. No one ever drank eggnog, so I never drank eggnog. I also think you're going to have a hard time making that year-round, but I don't think anyone's going to be drinking eggnog. Yeah, you want a fucking cup of cum in July? No thanks.

No siree. No siree. Yeah. You know when you kind of get a fucking milk carton of egg whites and you squash it around and make gross noises? You don't want to drink that in the hot summer. Yeah, you ever get thirsty while you do that? Gross. Your most controversial take.

The butternut squash is – look, I'll admit that one is – I might have been a prisoner of the moment. Oh, come on. Walk that back right this moment. It's – okay, it's the – You're on death row. You have one less chance. You need to make a meal with a side. You're not doing butternut squash. You're doing mashed potatoes.

Fuck you. I do – No. Walk it back right now. Mashed potatoes is not my favorite way to consume potato. Whatever. That's not the question. No, but yeah.

But also, fun fact about – That's a red herring or some shit. Fun fact about butternut squash. Really? Are there any fun facts about butternut squash? It doesn't take to heat. Who knew? Yeah.

When I was microwaving my meals the next day and all that kind of good stuff, which I was substituting butternut squash for mashed potatoes in my turkey sandwiches. That didn't work out well, did it? Everything else would get hot, but the butternut squash, no hot. I could just see this motherfucking dumb brain-dead caveman taking out his plate from the microwave going, no hot. Nut squash, no hot. Meat hot. Peas hot.

Nut squash, no hot. Peas hot. Nut squash no hot. Fucking retard. No hot. Does not take. Microwaves no work. What a fucking moron you are. I can just see you serving a plate and being like, here you go. Butter nut squash no hot. Noternut squash, no hot.

No hot? Yeah, no hot. You mean it's cold? Yeah, no hot. Like I said, no hot. You're telling me that it's just cold? Lacking hot. Absence of heat, no hot.

Fucking moron, I hate you. I'll tell you my most controversial take. John's a good podcast co-host. John's a good person to fucking hit your wagon to for a career. That's my most controversial take. Bonehead. Oh, man. No, I think my most controversial take is that, well, I don't think it's controversial at all.

I think it's fucking clear as day that Derek Jeter's a bad teammate. Bad teammate? Yeah. How come? I don't disagree with you. I'm just trying to be. He, not moving positions for A-Rod was ridiculous. He's the worst shortstop of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And A-Rod at the time was the greatest shortstop of all time. And A-Rod at the time was the greatest shortstop of all time. And then when A-Rod was like floundering with the New York media and the fans but was like a fucking machine and would have been a better baseball player and the team would have been better if fans and the media accepted him. All Derek Jeter had to do was like wave

his magic wand and be like, this guy's awesome. This guy is my favorite so he should be yours too. And all the problems would go away. And he just let him flounder in that storm his entire career. And that's why that team, which was so good, only walked away with one title. Strong argument.

And anybody who really thinks, like, Derek Jeter says all the right things, right? And so at the end of the day, you've got to tip your cap to that because he's smart about it. But you don't think that Derek Jeter, like, inside behind closed doors is not a diva, is not like I'm the fucking man, like an arrogant, conceited superstar like they all are? Thinking that he's just like some everyday guy. And didn't know the power he had with the media. Come on. He knew exactly what he was doing the whole time, and he picked and chose who got it and who was on his side

and who wasn't on his side and played favorites. And to me, that's not like the leader of the clubhouse. I think that's pretty fair. Fuck you, Derek Jeter. Next up. Whoa, buddy. We got to work on the angles. Yo, what's up, KFC?

Fights, everybody else there at KFC Radio. First time caller. Not super long time listener, but I have cut up on all your guys' episodes. Sweet hair. And I got probably a pretty strange story, I'd say. So, you know, yesterday I'm scrolling through the hub, you know, and doing my thing, trying to find a good video to get off on and then relax for the rest of the night and do absolutely nothing. And nothing was really, you know, getting it done for me. So I was pretty deep into the pages when I came across something called horror porn. And you guys can probably look it up and just see how fucking weird it is.

But so after I get off to this, I am instantly ashamed. You know, just looking in the mirror like, what the hell have I done and who am I? And so come to today, though, I I'm at work and I work with like pool equipment and stuff. And I scrape my arm on some fiberglass. I split two of my fingers open. And I'm just thinking to myself, this is because I watched the devil fuck two demon subordinates in the ass. And I just can't help to think that it was karma telling me, you know, what the fuck are you doing, man? And so it brings me to my question is, have you guys ever had instant karma come back and bite you in the ass?

You thought porn was so graphic that you thought the universe fucked you over immediately after as a punishment? While you're at your job with pool equipment. What is – Could you imagine? Yo, man, what do you do? I work with pool equipment. Rock on, dude. Rock on, brother.

The – like what is – I mean like what's horrible? Let me tell you something. First of all, let me tell you something that's going on with me. It's horrible from what we watched the other all, let me tell you something that's going on with me. It's horrible what we watched the other day. Let me tell you something that's going on with me. When I go to my browser, I have frequently visited, right? So I just click that. But somehow, that ended up being...

Where's the bottom? Page four. Oh, really? Now, do you think there's the bottom? Page four. Oh, really? Now, do you think there's a correlation? I think page one is better than page two, is better than page three as you go deeper. I don't even... I don't think it's... Brother, I don't know what's on page two.

Didn't even know you could go another tab over. I'm not saying it's like... You'll find some good ones but I just think the front page top shelf is like they put it up there for a reason. It's like page two of Google needn't exist. Page two of Pornhub.

But sometimes don't get me wrong you'll find some gems. That's where you find some of the weird shit that we're into because page one is for fucking pussies. But page one also has like the names and the goods and stuff. So I'm just saying that for the last little while, every time I've opened up porn, I've been page fouring it, which is just a different experience. I always get rid of mine. It might be good.

It might be worse. Like, I don't know, page four, top it. It just says, I love being fingered and fisted. You're not going to find that on page one. No. Probably not going to find that on page one. No, you'll find a fist on page one. You're not going to find the fist. You. No. Probably not going to find that on page one. No, you'll find a fist on page one. You're not going to find the fist.

You find a fingy, not a fisty. You're not going to find Annika Albright in a tub full of white milk sucking and fucking with chocolate sauce on her ass. You're not going to find that on page one. I don't mix the chocolate sauce into the anything but. What? I don't like the chocolate sauce in the butt area. Where do you like the chocolate sauce? Nowhere particularly.'t like the chocolate sauce in the butt area. Where do you like the chocolate sauce? Nowhere, particularly. I like the chocolate sauce.

Look how big that dick is. That's a crime. That's a crime. Bro, that is... That's a piece of pool equipment. That's not a penis. That's pool equipment. That's ridiculous. That's page four.

That's a page four dick. Page four is medieval torture forms of impalement. Which is? Destroying my ass by squatting with anal on a friend's fist. That's page four. A lot of fists on page four. Apparently. Pornhub's a sucker for alliteration.

Yeah, yeah. Page four fists. Yeah, I mean, it's just a different experience. Yeah. Let's go to horror porn now. Because I think we watched That the other day We watched Yeah if that dude

Was coming to that man That's fucked If you come to that I mean I'm not gonna judge you But like that's fucked Nah I'll fucking I'll handle the judgment Halloween horror bath

Pure taboo Depraved fertility treatments For desperate women If you come to that Depraved fertility treatments Nah this looks kinda cool for desperate women. If you come to that. Depraved fertility treatments? This looks kind of cool. I could probably come to this.

It was like a girl showing up at a clinic, and it looks like they drug her and then fucking come in her. Jesus! There's some sort of passed out. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have said that part. Only I'm seeing this. It doesn't look like it. My favorite thing is sleep assault.

You knew the name, brother. You knew the name. The sleep assault was a thing when we were coming up in the porn game. And even then, I was like, this seems a little fucked up. And then I think they stopped with sleep. I think they might have run out of business. I'm going to search that in a second because I bet you it's still around. These things, like the sexorcism of Alyssa Noir, that's fine.

My stepsister came to play. Don't get me wrong. The monster under my bed hasn't had sex. The monster under my bed hasn't had sex in a thousand years. I think I'm in on horror porn. Every day he's just screaming while she's fucking.

He's like, not again! It's year 1000! She always brings a guy home and I'm right here waiting for her. She says she wants a guy like me, but I'm a guy like me. We just made the horror monster into some simp. Some fucking simp. Well, he hasn't been laid in a thousand years, so he's gotta be a simp. Hellraiser like masks

some of this is fun some of this is weird I've watched pagan themed pornography pagans huh you say yeah as opposed to like

catholic well pagan is is devilish that's not that's not that's not true is it not pagan

that's that's that's ignorant of you well pagan not the first time pagan pagan has come to mean that but

pagan just simply means like unorthodox religious like the Christmas tree is pagan symbolism probably yeah something like that so don't worry I'm not a fucking idiot but but

I guess I was using the modern definition of it. My neocontemporalism. I'll tell you what. The Pope would shit his pants if he heard you dance with paganism. This mullet friend of ours Working in the pool industry You can come to whatever you want Universe doesn't care Yeah

You know why you Cut your fingers And stub your toes Cause you're a You're a bad pool employee You're a bad pool equipment employee Man that's why They didn't know that you came

To fucking some nun Like in a cemetery God's got better stuff to do Figure out what What gets your fucking loads happy God's busy fucking eradicating Kids around the world and a cemetery. God's got better stuff to do than figure out what gets your fucking loads happy. God's busy fucking eradicating kids around the world and shit. You want to talk about horror porn? Let's talk about Catholicism.

That's horror porn. Fuck. God's a little busy making sure God's written house is full of fucking butts with a little bit of fat on them. Last voicemail today brought to you by Thursday Boot Company. You know the name. We released our boots a few years ago. We released our sneakers with a spinoff company of theirs, nothing new.

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Fights. Best gang in the business. Yay, yay! Just calling right now. Escaped the house for a little bit. Got the in-laws staying with us for four days. Of course, i'm constantly volunteering to go pick up launch all that shit uh get out of the house some but i've been thinking

about this for a while and figured i'm just gonna call and get you guys's thoughts on it i know i'm a scrooge i hate doing decorating for christmas all that shit. Because I don't have any kids, we always go places for Christmas. I feel like if you are not hosting Christmas and you do not have kids, that decorating, spending the hours putting up lights, tree, ornaments, all that shit is just a giant waste of time. And I feel like people shit on Halloween adults and Disney adults. And I feel like Christmas adults just get a pass. I think I love this take.

Interested to hear you guys' thoughts. Anyone's on my side? Or if I just... What's this guy's name? I'm gonna call him Kyle. I... Matt. Matt! I don't agree with Kyle Kyle. I... What is it? Matt. Matt!

I don't agree with Kyle, but I'll defend his right to date. This is a great take. This is a logical take. Yeah. No, it is. I disagree as well, but it's logical. Here's where I'm half and half. I will get the tree out because it's fake.

I just get it out, you know, and I start to set it up and I'll get like one burst of energy. And then that's it. And however much gets decorated, then I'm done because I'm like anything more than this is ridiculous. I'm just doing now. I have kids. I'm doing it for them. But like like I got out the tree. I got out these fucking snowflakes, these hanging snowflakes.

And then I got out the train. And the tracks are broken. Like they broke. And now I can't put it together. And I was like – I would like to meet the – I guess it's a Grinch-like creature who goes around for 11 and a half months a year and just breaks Christmas ornaments that are in boxes. Right? It doesn't make any sense.

I get the lights out. They're broken. How do the lights break? I didn't shake them in the box. They just sat there for a year. It's ornaments. It's train tracks, I guess. There is some little gnome that runs around.

It's bananas. I've never had a seamless, smooth Christmas operation. No, never. I won't put the Christmas operation in town. And, like, so I did the tree. I did the snowflakes. I was doing the train. And I was like, okay, well, there's no train this year because it's broken.

And that's it. And I have kids. So that's fucked up. But if you don't have kids and it's just you and another grown adult and you're like, let's make this pretty so that we feel like we're in the North Pole. It's like, that's kind of fucking weird. It's a little odd, but it's also like, I don't hate. There's a middle ground for all of these things. Yes, yes.

I get festive as fuck. I like it. Yeah, because it's like fucking anything where it's like eating healthy. It's like going to the gym. It's going to therapy. It's things that are a bit of a hassle that make you happier. Yes. So it is like, yeah, that night kind of – it doesn't even suck because you have a glass

of wine. You put on some music. You make it fun. You got to do it right. Yeah. Right. This guy, his wife sucks. That's what's happening here.

That's what's happening here. That's what's happening here. That is – When he – That's our thing. My default. It's A, break up. B, wife sucks.

For like the first five years of KC Radio, remember that? It was like, break up with your girlfriend. And now it's basically, you know, they didn't. And now it's like, your wife sucks. But like this is because the night that he has to put out his ornaments sucks for him. Yeah. Because his wife sucks. But if she's cool, if that night is fun.

I don't know if I'm ready to declare Kyle's wife sucks. His name's Matt. It's not Kyle. I said Kyle. Yeah, all right. It's not Kyle. I said Kyle. Yeah, okay. We're going with Kyle. All right. Let's make up a fictional text.

Matt is Kyle and his wife Sarah. Sarah sucks because when they put up the ornaments, like something goes wrong or it's his fault that they're broken, and now he's – because every year if he did this and it was fun, he wouldn't be a scrooge about it. But something goes wrong every year that he does it because his in-laws are over or his wife sucks or whatever. So he's like, why are we doing this?

Let's just like watch TV. But if you make it fun, if you have some wine, you put on the songs, you put on your favorite Christmas movie, you do it. It's not too much. It's not too stressful. Then what's even to complain about? If that all becomes a hassle and you are not dealing with any children and you have to, like, make their holiday experience good, then fuck it. Yeah. You know?

But I think also, like, there is something to coming home in the house smelling like pine and, like, you have a little bit like, oh, this is, like, you know, it is a fun time. I'm a big Christmas guy. Yeah, me too. I don't really decorate that much, but I am, like, I like the Christmas season. I go home in the Christmas season. It's just not very unique. It's not like, whoa, look at am – I like the Christmas season a lot. I go home in the Christmas season looking – It's not very unique. It's not like, whoa, look at this guy. He's a trendsetter.

But I go home every night being like, am I going to watch a Christmas movie tonight or let me check out some Christmas things and I want it to look and feel and candles. I do all that. Right. But if you didn't and you're just two adults, I'm not going to begrudge you. No, I don't think so. I think you're missing out. I think you're missing out on a community that would welcome you with open arms.

But if you want to do it that way, then – But like he describes, like we make fun of Disney adults who take it too far. And we make fun of Halloween adults who take it too far. If you take it too far – There are Christmas people who – If you're a fucking elf and you've got to like walk in and – If you walk in the house and you have to like Christmas carol every night and shit, you're like, I'm fucking settled. I'm all good.

But if it's just like put up the tree and some ornaments and some decorations. I think even watching a movie every night of like the month, that's like – Yeah, that gets going. That gets too much too. Yeah. But if you – but you should give it a shot. But if it becomes – like anything else in life, if it becomes more stress than good, then don't do it.

And if the only reason you're doing it is because, like, it's the calendar says so, then fuck that. If you're doing it because it makes you happy or you're doing it because it makes your kids happy, then you've got to do it. But if it's just like, well, you know, they tell me that I have to, like, buy a tree and chop it down and bring it in and do this and that, and I don't really enjoy doing that, eh, fuck it.

Screw. I also, I've explained this before and I know this takes some of the fun out of it, but I have my, I remember you saying this was a stupid idea, but we all know you're dumb, so. I was going to have my Christmas room that just stays decorated, and I just close the door for 11 months of the year. Then I just open the door, and I have the room all done. I'm right on that one.

Why? Why? If I have the money and I can spare a room, why? Because you don't want to be surrounded by the season. You don't want to go to the season. Now, fuck that. Fuck that. As a matter of fact, I have the base set.

And then every year I can open it up with my key. It's locked the rest of the year. I open it up. And then I can decorate even more so. Like if I do want to decorate, I can make it awesome because the base is just taken care of. But that's going to be a room that's off to the side. You want to walk in and be fucking have Christmas come all over you. No, it's going to be a prominent room. You don't have to go find it. You don't have to walk in and be fucking, have Christmas come all over you. No, it's

going to be a prominent room. You don't have to go find it. Don't put it behind a secret Christmas. You want to come in. I'll have it be a prominent room, bro. You want Sammy waving his big fat cock right in your face. Are we talking about the same hiding rooms and same room type of hiding? I definitely want to have one of those too. Ho, ho, ho. Merry

Christmas. Here's a big old crinkle cock. Merry Christmas Here's a big old Kris Kringle Cock I love how you thought about saying something else there Because there was a pause I was like you're going to say cock Yeah we're going to land on cock

Kris Kringle Yeah no cock I only know one word that starts with a C Alright that's enough Let's get into our interviews We'll start off with Taylor Tomlinson Oh, yeah, no cock. I only know one word that starts with a C. All right, that's enough. Let's get into our interviews. We'll start off with Taylor Tomlinson. She came in a couple weeks ago, tore it down with her interview,

and then delivered the greatest answer the Internet, the world has ever – oh, wait, the world didn't see. The greatest answer to the Internet that the KFC radio team and only only the kfc radio team has seen uh taylor is brought to you by oh wait before you uh quickly weekend recommendations for something oh yes to watch we'll wrap up here weekend recommendations before we get into our uh interviews for today starts off i want to go? Okay, fuck This is your fucking idea Yeah I thought you had something I got a bunch

I got all kinds of things I could do I am gonna go with This one's a little It's like two weeks old So I don't wanna stick with it No, I'm not I'm skipping it I'm going with something else

I'm going with the album Tell the people what it was Well, that was the Silk Sonic album That's really, really good This, I've been listening to an album By artists I've never heard of, and it's by a man named Ben Platt, and the album is called Reverie, and I really fucking like it.

Ben Platt. Yeah. Album called Reverie. It is. It's like, remember Paul Williams? You don't know who Ben Platt is? I don't think so. Ben Platt is in, what the fuck's that singing movie?

Oh, he's Dear Evan Hansen? Yeah, he's Dear Evan Hansen. Ben Platt is Dear What the fuck's that Singing movie Oh he's Dear Evan Hansen Yeah he's Dear Evan Hansen Ben Platt is Dear Evan Hansen Yes I hate this now Yeah I was gonna say No So you thought you had

Like a hidden gem And he's like super popular No I don't think so He Dear Evan Hansen was super popular And I hated that movie Yeah No you called that movie

Like it was though That is a fucked up plot Yeah it's a terrible I mean I saw it on Broadway It was terrible But okay Whatever But yeah he was in Pitch Perfect That's what I was talking about Oh okay That is a fucked up plot. Yeah, it's a terrible... I mean, I saw it on Broadway. It was terrible. But I'll get... Whatever. This song...

He was in Pitch Perfect. That's what I was talking about. Oh, okay. He's the roommate. The weird one that does magic. Oh, I like him. Benji. I've got the magic in me.

That guy. It is a... The album reminds me of Paul Williams. The surf music that I like and still love. We have to get Paul Williams on the podcast too. He's from Australia so I think he's been pretty locked down. He is so fucking... He's just a comedian.

COVID just fucked Australia in the ass. They fucked it up so bad. I thought Australia was kind of like America. It's like Australia, England and America. Those guys are idiots. Everyone in Australia is an idiot.

They fucked that up so bad. They're like still locked down and dying every day. It's like, dude, we're way past that. Fuck. We're still dying every day. We're still locked down. All right, so Ben Platt, Reverie. Yeah.

You guys got any weekend recommendations? What are the youngins doing? SantaCon. SantaCon. Horrible idea. But I used to love it. I used to do one. I caught the very last tail end of SantaCon before it became lame, and there

was one called the 12 Bars of Christmas. That was separate. It was like the Saturday before or after. And it was like just a smaller 12-bar bar crawl. And that was like the most fun I've ever had. And then that got overrun. SantaCon got overrun. It all became, it all jumped the shark.

But there was like one last year when I was like 25. We all dressed like elves and Santa and shit like that. And it was like, it was perfect. Because it was like the Christmas season mixed with like adult fun. And it wasn't crowded. And we all signed up. And you got different hats and shit like that. And it was perfect because it was like the Christmas season mixed with adult fun. And it wasn't crowded. And we all signed up. And you got different hats and shit.

It was amazing. Now I feel like it's not a must-do. But if you're young and you can withstand hangovers and crowds and shit, you should do it. I think it's lame, but I'm lame. You know what I mean? So it's still fun for the young people. You're going to have to go over to the KFC Radio Instagram for that.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Don't get arrested. What do you got, Jack? What do you do on Instagram? Yeah. Is that Saturday night?

It's Saturday during the day. Gotcha. Or yeah, day. Because Saturday night I'm going back to that place where I saw the Dirty Circus. Oh. But they're doing, I think Zach went last week. Disco night? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. They're doing disco night. My girl like bought a table. All of her friends Night? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they're doing Disco Night. My girl bought a table. All of her friends are in town. All right, so you're going to be watching people fuck on stage again, huh? Yeah, probably. Like, what is Disco Night?

They just wear disco clothes? I think it's just disco. I'm pretty sure it's just regular. We just put on 70s music while we shit on the stage. All right. What do you got, you little freak? You got your kinky little gang. No kinky gay stuff.

Well, I can't guarantee that. I'm going to a comedy club on Friday. There you go. Friday night. Yeah. That's the number one thing, looking back on living in Manhattan, that I regret not doing. I also kind of regret not doing big club nights, which I don't like, but once in a while just bawling out and being like, let's do bottles and drugs and fucking get tables. But comedy clubs, they're all over the place.

They're cheap. They're there. They're available. And you see some of the best entertainment. Think about how popular podcasting has become. And it's all because of funny comics like that. And they're just at your disposal in New York City every fucking night. And some people do it all the time.

My crew, we just drank the whole time. It's like, take a night off of blacking out at the same goddamn places and go see some of the funniest fucking comedians in the world for like $5. Good recommendation. What do you got? Oh, I'm also doing Santa Con, I guess. All right, I got to ask a question. That was fucked up.

How did weekend recommendations become what are your weekend plans? I went first. I recommended an album. I'm doing things this weekend, too. I recommend going to a con. What you're going to do is what you recommend. No, this is something for them to do, for the listener to do this weekend. Right, but I'm going to –

Maybe a movie they haven't heard of. Well, right, but that's what I'm going to say, but I'm going to do it this weekend. Then I'm going to watch something. Yeah, what do you got? So I'm going to recommend something to watch. But I'm going to watch it. You're going to watch something you haven't seen yet? You're going to watch something I haven't seen yet?

You recommend something. That's putting me in a fucking blender. Recommend something you haven't seen. Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll recommend something I haven't seen. This is an album I've listened to, guys. I haven't seen yet. You recommend something. That's putting me in a fucking blender. Recommend something you haven't seen. Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll recommend something I haven't seen. This is an album I've listened to, guys. I got a recommendation. This is music that I'm currently into.

What did you do last weekend? How about that? This is recommendations. This is recommending. This is leaving a Yelp review on something. But it's like things that you do. Things that you've done. You've only recommended things you've done.

What did you do last weekend? I don't know. You try and do one thing nice for the listener. Say, hey, here's what people you like to listen to talk. People whose opinions you respect. Here's things they're currently enjoying in the media. And you assholes say SantaCon. Well, no.

Think about it. If I was like, I need a recommendation of something to do. And someone was like, go home and listen to an album. And then I found out that SantaCon was that same day, I would be like, fuck, I wish I did SantaCon instead of listening to the guy from Pitch Perfect's album. We also never done this. Like, you didn't even explain the rules of the segment.

You're just explaining the rules of the segment in the room when everyone is in the room. But this is a thing. Remember how I fucking said how it would be useful for fucking social media? Like, oh, we could have a graphic and see what the best recommendation of the weekend. Oh, it could be a good time to pitch prior things we've done. Like answer the internet and say, hey, Chris and Tommy really did a good job on the internet.

Were you in the room when I explained all that, Jackie? I don't think I was. That was going to be my recommendation. Go watch Answer the Internet. An unbelievable episode. Kevin's also watched King Richard. He really liked that. I'm going to watch it.

That's the recommendation I'm going to take this weekend. Are you just looking for things to do this weekend? What's going on? Do you want to sit by you? You can come. Come to Disco now. I have plans this weekend. I say watch King Richard.

Watch Answer the Internet with Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor. And probably one of the best, worst. Best, worst. Yeah. Some of the best bad TV is Kevin Hart's series on Netflix, True Story. It's so bad. But it's like a limited series. I think it's like six episodes. You'll be hooked and be like, it's so bad

but worth the watch. Not saying it's good. I want people to come back. It's bad. It's bad. But you'll be like, I gotta fucking watch to the end. It's ridiculous. It is absurd what happens in that movie. It's got Wesley Snipes in it.

Just put it that way. I mean, there are parts of that movie that might be the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen in my whole fucking life, but watch it. And tell us what you're doing this weekend. Tweet at us with what your plans are. Interview time.

Zach steps up to the mic. with what your plans are. Interview time. Zach steps up to the mic. You guys heard of stand-up comedy? That's a good recommendation. Interview time with Taylor Tomlinson is brought to you by Upstart. Upstart is the fast and easy way to put all your debt into a personal loan all online so you can consolidate all the money you owe, get out from all of that debt, whether we're talking about credit card debt or high interest rate debt

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or fund your way through the holiday. It's upstart.com slash KFC. So we've been doing this thing called Spicy Peanut Butter and Jellies. Okay. It's a Rice Krispie, no, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. It's our best kid's Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Sour Patch Kids Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Is that real? Well, it's real now.

He's making it a thing. That sounds disgusting. It does, but can I entice you in one? Do you like peanut butter cups? Yeah, I do. That's why I'm like, why would you ruin it? Sour Patch Kids are fine. The sourness is a little bit of a problem,

but it does taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a way. Dude, two Sour Patch Kids and a half a cup. And a half a cup, please. At the same time. Two Sour Patch Kids. Does it matter which color? No. Okay.

Oddly enough, it doesn't. I go two reds, but no. Yeah, I was going to say two reds, but. Are those strawberry? I don't know. I like that we pretend that these have different flavors. Dude, I was gonna say two reds, but... Are those strawberry? I don't know. I like that we pretend that these have different flavors. Dude, I was just saying this. That color, that flavor is blue. Yeah, they're all

Sour Patch. Yeah. They're all Sour Patch Kid flavored. Okay. Are we rolling? Because I'm only doing this if we're rolling. This is all... I'm not doing this for free. So I have to do... I'm not gonna degrade myself like this unless this is for content, bitch. This is such a stupid job.

It really is. Isn't it crazy? This is your job? This will be the most engaged upon clip of this interview. I know. You're at work right now. That's so fucking dumb. It's so dumb. This is stupid. I do have to check myself when I complain sometimes. I'm like, alright, I get it. We ate candy together and that was the interview.

It's so... I'm going to go home and be like, I'm like, all right, I get it. We ate candy together, and that was the interview. It's so... I'm going to go home and be like, I'm so tired. Yes. I had to eat three candies at once. Do you do both? Yeah. You do both? Sour Patch?

Okay. And then bite of that. Bite a solid bite. Get in there. It's better than you thought, right? That fucking works, actually. You know what? Nobody has said that.

I was the same thing as you. That's crazy. I was like, you are disgusting. And then I took a bite and I was like, he right, he right. Yeah. I was ready to be a real bitch about that. And I've been knocked on my ass. I wanted to so badly.

I wanted to be like, yet again, another disgusting habit of yours. I was like, you have invented something. You know what else? I invented this one today. Oh, this is crazy. Cream cheese. This podcast is just about getting fat. I wish I had this on deck to give you. Cream cheese bagel

with a buffalo chicken dip on top. What? Amazing. Really? Amazing. Really? Really good. Amazing. This is exactly what I picture this office doing. We're holding up the fucking dumb frat boy shit.

Anybody here who's not having sex is definitely putting spreads that don't belong on other things. They're either fucking or combining foods that shouldn't go together. What an insulting thing to the two of us. It's like, and I know what you do. And we're all out of fucking. Everybody's doing what I picture popular kids in ninth grade weren't inviting me to. It's either sex or putting reckless things in your body. One or the other.

I also love that these are the two hardest candies to come back from. Yeah, now you're on tour. From an interview. The rest of the interview is like this. I'm just peanut butter sour patch mouth. The rest of it, you're like, so you're on tour? I'm like, yeah.

Are you doing the beacon in January? Yeah, let me just... I got a molar. I was just turned on to the world of 16 handles. Never had that in my life. You know that no i feel like every girl has to know that oh that was like a prerequisite for i know it wait what is it it's a frozen

frozen yogurt yeah frozen yogurt place oh like pinkberry yes i think they're like direct competitors i found a more embarrassing name for fro yo you're like 16 handles i'm like what's that i'm like oh you mean yogurt island uh there's a lot of different ones yeah 16 handles I'm like what's that I'm like oh you mean Bigberry Yogurt Island there's a lot of different ones 16 handles I feel like is more embarrassing

because that's like women love rom-coms let's do 16 handles 16 handles it's got to be where it's from but it's exactly what it's

I mean that's how many handles I get I think it's great but that's how many handles there are I don't know

if it's exactly who's counting? I counted when I went there. I went there for the first time recently. There's four machines with four handles. I mean, you would be and that's 16. Do we have someone in the back

doing that math? They'll take a word for it. You would be a reckless madman if you made a place called 16 Handles that had a bunch of handles. I would do 14 or 17. I would just do a couple of them just to drive people fucking crazy. You have OCD people come in there and be like, there's not 16 handles.

And then you'd be like, no, there's 16. What are you talking about? Just gaslight them. Count them again. I've had a handle on the ceiling or something. I promise you. Did you go in the bathroom? I've been ordering cookie dough bites and cheesecake bites and graham cracker crust toppings.

I mean, I've been doing a whole show. And then I mix it in with ice cream that I bought separately. By the way... Is everything okay in your personal life? No! I've gained so much weight. You got to the root of the problem so fast. I appreciate that.

So bad. Kevin recently became a double XL in underwear. No, not yet. But I'm thinking about it. I've got this fat ass that really doesn't cooperate. I'm a large in everything my whole life. And then through a pandemic, it's time for XL.

Are you a large? Well, not anymore. Well, you're sitting down. Maybe I can't tell. Wait, you think he's a medium? I was gonna guess medium. I don't know. That's probably an insult, but I'll take it. I think that's an insult. Men want to be a large, right? Well, see, not me. I don't give a fuck about that okay i'd rather be uh perceived

as just not fat okay so if you if you told me that you were thinking i'm a medium that's that's good i'm skinny fat so i've been a large my whole life up until recently pandemic hits put on like 15 more pounds now i'm an xl but my pants uh my underwear has just been a fiasco for my whole life. Your whole life? My underwear has been a fiasco. Yes. Not my whole, I guess like my adult life since I've been buying my own. I've just been wearing... It was your mom's fiasco

before then. It's her fault. She's been buying the wrong underwear. I've just been wearing underwear that's just like a little too small for years. And I was like, but I was a large. I just was like, I'm a for years and i was like oh but i was a large i just was like i'm a large so i was like i don't know this is how underwear are and then i got an xl and i was like this fucking fits dude underwear so weird i feel like we could all be wearing the wrong size honestly this guy wears small i've worn small really i i have i actually

think i i think someone stole them from me so i i was actually back at the scene of the crime yeah probably like a small person who they belong to actually back at the scene of the crime recently. Yeah, probably like a small person who they belonged to. I was at the scene of the crime recently on my beard trip. I was at Bloomingdale's. So I was at Bloomingdale's for the first time ever, right? And I needed a new underwear. Bloomingdale's or Bloomingdale's Outlet? Bloomingdale's on 6th Avenue.

That was disrespectful. No, I go to the outlet, so I'm asking. I think it's just at Bloomingdale's. It's on 6th Avenue. Okay, all right.'re in that power move yeah it's the real one um and i was it was like with an ex-girlfriend and i had slept at her house like for the first time and we're hanging out and like we were shopping the next day whatever and i just i just needed underwear and we were we just happened to be at bloomydale's and i was like oh fuck i'll just grab some new underwear here because i'm staying at her house again tonight i need to change whatever and my mind just short-circuited i guess and i just like

i didn't process the idea that underwear came in different sizes oh yeah so i was just like i was like oh word here you go perfect underwear and then we got back to her place and i was like fuck i got smalls of course smalls in the front. That makes sense. Yeah. But the only underwear I had, I was not committed to this underwear. Weeding that on. So I just wedged it on, and it felt kind of nice. It fit. Then John went to make Story of a Secret after that. Why would you just go commando at that point?

I honestly, it must have been winter maybe. That was a winter relationship. So yeah, it was probably winter. That was a winter relationship? That's meaner than me saying, was it the outlaw? Bro, I think we broke up on Easter. It was a very winter relationship. He is risen

and so is my self-esteem. Get out of here. Gonna go find somebody hotter than you. Peace. Good luck with your Easter egg hunt. You thought I was going to the beach with you? Yeah, no. You had to know this was coming, right? You had to know where this was going. But small

is also impossible. I mean, you're like 6'2 to 15. 15, yeah. Small is not even an option. That to me feels like in the Santa Claus when he squeezes through the tiny the tiny chimney

and it becomes this fireplace that's you putting on a pair of small underwear great movie great movie great movie i have a friend who still watches it starting tomorrow she'll watch it every single night every single night smart friend of yours until christmas that's an awesome friend i want to join her is she okay you know her uh it is i think it's a little much, personally. It's a little, yeah. I would maybe do that starting December 22nd. Yeah, or like once. Right, once. Like once is fine. Once works.

Watch it once tomorrow. But every night for, it's like when ABC Family used to do. Yeah, the 25 Days of Christmas. The 25 Days of Christmas. But they would play different movies. They still do. Do they still? It's called Freeform. Freeform doesn't

know. Any children listening, it's the artist formerly known as ABC Family. Yeah, that's one of those things that I used to say that and also when church changed all the prayers. And I was like the new prayers, it's like the new prayers are like 25 years old, dude.

Like Freeform is not a new thing anymore at all. But in my mind, it's like, it's ABC Family. I'm glad you're bringing that up because I thought of it earlier in the interview. How much longer are we going to put those 15 pounds on the pandemic? There's a new variant. There's a new variant?

Thank God. It's not just Kevin. It's everyone's like, you know, the pandemic. I put on a few pounds. The pandemic was two years ago at this point. Let me start this. It's not just Kevin. Everyone's like, you know, the pandemic. The pandemic was two years ago at this point. Let me start this. It's not 15. It's 25. And I am planning on using that forever because it's actually

beyond his depth, man. The pandemic 15 or whatever. It actually, though, it is going to always be the pandemic's fault because it's the only time in my adult life I ever really gained a lot of weight in a short period of time. So it's the pandemic's – it's the pandemic weight. I'm keeping it on, but it's the pandemic. I'm keeping the baby.

Yes. But it was an accident. That wasn't my fault. And forever it will be. For always. For always. I had a dark, dark thought the other day about babies, by the way. Dark.

What is it? I was thinking about what if you had, what if you did, instead of a gender reveal, an abortion reveal? Oh, my God. What would that even look like? Pop the balloon and there's no pink or blue. It's just empty. What were you doing? I was watching a gender reveal. Oh my god. What would that even look like? Pop the balloon and there's no pink or blue. It's just empty. What were you doing? I was watching a gender reveal. And I was like, it's gonna be pink,

it's gonna be blue. Is it a boy or a girl? What if it was a chick being like, took care of it. That's some dark shit, right? But also, you know what though? Someone's definitely considered doing that. And you gotta do it tastefully, of course.

Could you imagine? Tastefully? The tasteful abortion reveal. You've got to do it tastefully. You've got to get invitations and send them out handwritten. No, you definitely can't. Yeah, you can't have the whole family around. But if you were like, let's film our gender reveal,

and you knew that the guy or the girl, whoever, didn't really want to do it, and you're like, surprise. That's a decision. Surprise! That's a decision reveal. Yeah. You can't go in going, it's a gender reveal. Everyone come. You have to say, I'm going to let everyone know if I'm keeping it or not.

It's boy, girl, or other. Right, right, right. No, you can't say this is a gender reveal. That's false advertising. When you see those gender reveals where it's a girl and the husband, the father's like, Oh my God, like visibly like mad, which is crazy. But imagine the opposite of that. I know.

Good to have that on film for your baby someday. Think of how often your wife has faked enthusiasm for you. Give me fucking two seconds. Give me a smile one time, dude. The balloon pop, just be fucking. I also think like, I never understood that. Like, you gotta be a real bag of shit

to be like, I need to have a boy and I'm upset if it's not. Get the fuck out of here. But if you care... It's empty. We don't have to deal with this shit. Oh my god. There's just confetti. But it's all gray. It's gray confetti. It's all gray. It's gray confetti.

It's all green. It's like, it's money still ours. Let's go. Yes. It's money saved. If you care about the gender of your baby that much, you probably shouldn't be a parent. Right. Unless it's like if you have like five daughters and you were going for a boy or something crazy like that but that's

also that's your fault man that's absolutely that's like that's like you had you hit on fucking i don't know gambling really that well so i can't really complete this analogy but but you you hit oh did you have blackjack yeah oh yeah you were like you were safe and then you decided six is i don't know whatever this is for me i tried to pull the shoe it didn't work i had to pull the emergency to me once i had a daughter i said i'm only having two kids because either one i get a son and you got one and one and you're good to go or you get another daughter and then you can't risk having three daughters because that's that's fucking hell on earth that's three weddings that's three three three pretty girls That's three weddings. That's three pretty girls.

That's three, you know, that's a fiasco. Right. Three daughters all in, like, the same age range. God bless. I mean, yeah. Look, I have three daughters in my family. So I'm, you know, now I'm feeling for my father right now. But my dad didn't think he was going to have girls at all,

and he freaked out when he found out they were having me. And my grandpa was like, you just do whatever you do with a boy until they're 11. I think he said, which is right around when I got my period. Grandpa kind of nailed that. Yeah, he's like, just whatever you do with a boy until they're bleeding. No, I actually got it when I was 10. Jeez.

I know. I had puberty when I was like 18. Really? When did you get your period? I was super duper old when I had puberty. Like, really. Way too old. Some of the girls in my family were at like 10,

and I'm very nervous for that. Yeah, that's a lot. Do they get boobs early and look older? I don't nervous for that. Yeah, that's a lot. Do they get boobs early and look older? I don't even remember that. How closely were you paying attention? So, your sister's tits big or what? I'm 5'6 now or just under, and I was 5'4 in fifth grade. I was like this.

It was a nightmare. You were this. Yeah it was a nightmare. Like 20 years ago. It sucked. Girls grow first right? They grow early and then so they're towering over the boys but then they just stop. Yeah. And that is It's weird because you're bigger and stronger than everybody but everybody's making fun of you.

Yes. And you're like what? Right. Well it's funny. I'll fucking kill you. I'm a woman In 90s and a cultures I'm a grown adult You're trying to keep me The multiplication table So I'll get up there And fucking smack the shit

Out of Steve How about that? You really truly are Fucked In like elementary school though Like oh you're so small You're a little pussy Oh you're big

You're a freak It's like Yeah Well I guess I gotta be Goldilocks Fucking right in the middle Otherwise you're cooked Absolutely

Well if you were If you could pick a different height What would it be? Then what I am now? Or do you have it? Is it 5'6? I think this is fine 5'6

I would maybe do like One more inch 5'7? Yeah I think 5'7 would be good And then in heels You're pushing What's the highest heels you wear?

I just don't wear heels that much Like an inch or two So usually No I don't know Yeah that's So maybe I could It's not really comedy's not really a high heels career, right? No, not unless you're hot and you can do that. And I'm just, I just don't have like high heel energy. I was going to say, were you wearing heels in your first special?

No, I had like wedge sneakers. That's heel though. No, it's not. Oh, a wedge sneaker is a more dangerous heel. No, it's not. Have you worn a wedge sneaker? a more dangerous heel. No, it's not. Have you worn a wedge sneaker? Then maybe shut the fuck up. Maybe don't mansplain wedge sneakers to me.

Walked into this one. You really walked into this one. The women in my life who I've encountered who wear wedge sneakers are like high heel women on steroids. Like even more. No, no, no. Because you think of a high heel woman as a woman in high finance, a high class lady. We like even more. No, no, no. Because you have like, you think of like a high heel woman as like a woman in high finance, a high class lady. Highfalutin.

Yeah. Wedges are made for women who can't do high heels. Yeah, but exactly because they want to be them. They want to be high heel ladies, but they're not. So they're angry. Exactly. So you're agreeing with me. So they're not high heel.

I am under. You're dying on this hill this is worse than the the the gambling joke this is just this is the worst you're so hot committed yeah i can't bail on another analogy i can't do it i can't do it i'm fucking let me tell you wedge sneaker wearer i'm driving this car off a cliff laughing this is costanza going to the Hamptons. My solarium. No, I'll do a wedge sneaker or like a heeled boot, but that's a thick heel, and it's only about that. It's only like two inches.

I can't do like a proper heel. You've got like a Cuban heel. Is that what it is? Mark Rubio? Yeah, Rubio. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Those are like girly cowboy boots. Those are ridiculous. They basically are cowboy boots.

Yeah, that's the equivalent. Like when I see people performing in heels, I'm like, man, that's like a level of talent that I just do not possess. I was wearing boots for a few weeks on stage on tour, and I had one night that I was too tired, and so I just wore like plain sneakers. And I was like, man, this is easy. I was like, two shows I just wore like plain sneakers and I was like man this is this is easy

two shows I can do this all day and I was like man I probably shouldn't be doing this boots thing but I'm like I gotta look nicer people paid more money in a theater but no I don't I feel like I want to do like shows in like pajamas at this point whatever they probably love that yeah really that's our brand right

I went to the pajama show Well our very first shows We did We had a couch Oh And so we called it Like Couchella Couch by Couch West

So good We were supposed to do Couchapalooza And you know Couch I don't know Another fucking Couching man

Burning couch We should have done Burning couch Fuck But that was cool Cause we just kind of Like hung out on a couch Although we probably Looked fat and gross Sitting that was cool because we just kind of hung out on a couch, although we probably looked fat and gross sitting on a couch. No one's ever looked sexy on a couch.

Yeah, it's very hard. Unless you're sitting on the edge with your legs crossed wearing heels or some shit. I feel like you could Google Kardashian couch right now and disprove that. But they would be sitting like... Their ass would barely be touching it. It's actually perfectly timely. It's the ultimate Thanksgiving move. After the meal, you grab perfectly timely. It's the ultimate Thanksgiving move. After the meal, you grab a pillow.

Fat pillow. You kind of hold the pillow. That was the first thing we sat down. Dan, the third guy, grabbed the pillow. He was like, shotgun, I get the couch, the cushion. Held it over his belly. Even if you're in shape, when you're just sitting on a couch, it just all kind of spills.

You spill in and it spills over. It's like a fucking French onion soup. It's all kind of overhanging a little bit. There's an analogy that works. Hey, and we're back in it. That one panned out great. One for three, baby. Everybody can see it.

I have two for two. I'm taking the fucking reason. These were really good. Not really an analogy. Are you going to eat that second half? Yeah, absolutely. Unless you want it. Well, I mean, of course I want it.

But it's crazy that it's just sitting there. I know, but I took a bite out of it. Isn't that gross? Would you eat it? Girl, if you think that's my line for gross, you are outside of your mind. I was like, it's hers hers you can have it i'm just dollar bill today yeah i almost ate it what i was gonna i was wondering about that and then i'm like that's just me might be the third thing they do here is rip up money like well we already fucked

and ate a bunch of candy what else what else would kevin mccallister do if he had a podcast studio with a thousand people in it? Who has a dollar? I love that. That should be like our. That's what we did. We ripped our money. This is a real dollar. That's truly it.

I reached into my pocket. I was like, oh, good. I have one. Don't worry. For a bit? Yeah. Well, somebody called in and was talking about $20 as if it was like $20,000. And I was like, did he say $20?

Because that's like free. $20 is like $0 right now. And I was like, I would fucking eat a $20. I would light it on fire,000. And I was like, did he say $20? Because that's like free. $20 is like $0 right now. And I was like, I would fucking eat a 20. I would light it on fire, whatever. Was this a 20? You ripped up a 20? Oh, okay. You talked a little big. For the sake of the bit, I probably would have had

to rip up the 20, but I wouldn't have been happy about it. That's what I was like. Yet another stance that isn't paying off that we can't commit to here at KFC Radio. A 20 is like nothing, but who has like one? Who has like one dollar? I reached in my pocket and I felt the bills and I was like, please don't be a 20. Oh, you went in line.

Oh, wow. I was like, wow. It was $2. But you just ripped it up? Ripped it up. Is that what I'm doing? Because I am making it rain on these hoes, you know? Did you eat any of it?

No. Again, I was going. Oh, yeah. Eat a piece. No. Because I was about to, and I was like, that is truly disgusting. Eat a piece. No.

I will not eat a piece. That is so disgusting. These are like the dirtiest. He's going to eat it. Just prepare yourself. I can tell you right now. I'm only going to do it if he does. I can see his leg bouncing.

I'm only going to do it if Taylor does it. I'm absolutely not going to do it. I can tell you right now. I can see his leg bouncing. I'm only going to do it if Taylor does it. I'm absolutely not going to do it. I got nothing to prove to you. I'm here to promote my shows. Beacon, New York City, January 9th. I'm not here to eat money. We're going to beep this out until you eat it. There will be no reference of your shows until you eat it.

It's a total waste of your time. We showed up with a bit for taylor that's like a 13 year old we're like it's we it's matured it's done she wasn't there in its conception and we're like here raise it now no that's another one three i'm now i'm now above 500 oh my god we had heather mcmahon on last. And as we just continued to say the stupid things that we say, she was just like, God damn it, I hate it here. Get me the fuck out of here. Why am I here?

What have I done? The fact that you tore up money, like actual money. If you guys weren't two straight white guys, you would be in jail right now, I think. For just ripping. You can't just rip up money. Oh my god, did you really? It's coming up. You did not really. Oh, that's...

That's so... I told you he was going to do it. You know what's worse is you didn't go through with it. You just put it in your mouth. Now it's marinating in his tongue. You're trying to get it down right now? Please, please drink. Oh my god.

Got it. That was repugnant. There's only one door out of this. Where am I? This is what Heather did. This is exactly what Heather was doing. I was like, I'm cool. I can hang.

No, I can't. This is right now. I feel like, dude, you're scaring the chicks. You're ruining the party. The girls are grossed out, man. Fuck. I is right now, I feel like, dude, you're scaring the chicks. You're ruining the party. The girls are grossed out, man. Fuck. I know. It's like the guy who comes up and you're like, you want to go back to my place? And your friend's like, I can make my belly button talk.

Not now, dude. Later. I want to see the belly button talk, but not now. Start doing the Ace Ventura. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Dude, the worst part was I don't even know what was happening, but, like, I wasn't looking, she wasn't looking. You were about to just do that one for nothing.

That was the most horrifying part to me. I was like. No, the part that was most horrifying to me is that you were going to do that completely uncelebrated. Spectacle, yeah. Oh, my God. In obscurity, you were going to do that completely uncelebrated. Yeah. Oh, my God. In obscurity, you were eating money.

Some people do things for the love of the game. Oh, my God. Is this a good podcast or are we just having fun? I can't tell. Is this good? I don't even care. I do that every single day. We finish recording, go, I don't know about that one. It was all right for me. Every single day. We finish recording, go, I don't know about that one.

It was all right for me. That is the mark of a good podcast, I feel like. You know what? You can find out whether you are, there's also flies flying around here. I mean, until you see that. Really a nice display for you. I mean, this is a CVS candy aisle in here. Of course there's flies. I always feel like

I remember when I first started out and I was blogging and I was basically writing jokes that me and my friend We get it. You're an artist. I was writing jokes that me and my friends knew. Nobody else would know.

But I found the very small group of people that were reading wanted to get in on the joke as opposed to just being like I don't understand what that means and i'm out you know i feel like that's that's like the line right you know i mean that's everything it's like if you get up there and you use your catchphrases or your jokes or your lines and it's like they don't know it yet but they're gonna want to know it you know what i mean as opposed to like i don't know what the fuck that

means oh yeah my entire act is catchphrases now yeah because i want it works i want people to feel that way i want them to be like i don't know what's going on but i feel stupid for not knowing yes that's exactly it she's done so many finger guns and none of them were pointing at me are we do we have finger gun merch yet oh my god i wish why not what do you mean it's so stupid i mean it's yeah but that's why i just you know what honestly i figured you guys already did so i'm like if you don't i'm gonna i'm gonna sell shirt that says taylor tomlinson and finger guns maybe that exact shirt but it's you and you're doing that's like we almost like it but something's off are you a taylor girl i mean i'm a 20 something white are. I don't have a choice.

That's my exact reasoning as well. Inside of this disgusting human man is a 20-something-year-old white woman. I also love that it wasn't cool to like her for a long time, and now there's just this resurgence. She put her head down and just powered through it. Oh, she really did. She's like, everyone hates me, but they're all going to worship me soon. I know.

I mean, because she was like huge and getting everything when I was like very young. And then for a while, I felt like it was a long time. It was. It was years that everyone was like, fuck Taylor Swift. And now it's just like. Can I tell you what it is? I think the best thing that ever happened to her was Scooter Braun buying her music. I think when that happened, that's when everybody was like, we have to ride for Taylor because she's getting fucked over by this evil little weasel.

It was that and the reveal of the Kanye famous where the voicemail was. That was a very uncomfortable voice to listen to. It was like, oh, that's an adult man bullying a young woman. And he very clearly lied, too, about, like, the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she was like, you didn't tell me the other half of the line. Right. And then everyone was like, yeah, fuck these people.

Like, Taylor's the best. Yeah. And now. I was. It worked out. I was at Taylor Swift's stand from fucking, from Tim McGraw. And then there was a, she got, like, it wasn't overly marketed. It was just, like, it was such fake marketing.

So funny. There was one little window. I was never out on her music, but I was kind of like, ah. I compared her to J.J. Watt of music for a little while. You know J.J. Watt. You're too fake. It's not real. Where she was surprised she was winning awards.

Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe it. Taylor, it's your 10th of the night. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe it. Taylor, it's your 10th of the night. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your 10th Grammy tonight. And she was best friends with everybody.

Right. Like always sitting next to her at the, you know, it was Katy Perry. Then they had a falling out. And then it was Ariana Grande. And then it was this girl. Then it was that girl. And all of a sudden it was models. It was just like you can't possibly be friends, best friends with all these people.

And then she would always awkwardly dance in her seat, which I sympathize with. I like that. I sympathize with. I like that, too. It didn't look good. I don't want people to be dancing cool. Yeah. You're rich and famous and gorgeous.

You can't also be cool. And you also dance? Like, no. Yeah, seat dancing is very tough. Seat dancing is so hard. I think you got to almost just clap or not just don't do anything. Oh, clap. Absolutely.

You know, clap and just kind of do. Yeah, that's perfect. What you're doing right there. I'm a hip guy. Oh, you're just riding that surfboard? Oh, yeah. Getting on that. She's so uncomfortable.

Eat the money again. Eat the money again. So forget about the dancing if you eat the money. I think it gets bad when people try to dance as if they're not in a seat yes like you embrace

you're like I'm in a seat you just like top up and this is all I can do right now yes but when people are like you're like no I can dance

no matter what Taylor's right knee going are you a dancer in general no no I can't do it at all no but I saw a tiktok

where a girl was like look I just want to applaud everybody Who stayed with Taylor Swift all these years Because I bailed And I was swayed by public opinion And just like, if you didn't, good for you And then there's all these girls who are like I never fucking went anywhere

And you're like, okay, I'm sorry And you can tell they're telling the truth Because they're crazy Those are the girls who are like I'm ready to kill Jake Gyllenhaal. I didn't leave. Oh, yeah, that was, I mean, what a week that was. You know who really is getting the short end of the stick, like the shittiest spot to be in is Jake Gyllenhaal's girlfriend right now

or wife or whoever he's with. Turned her comments off. Yeah, right, because she must be like, well, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was trying to leave a hateful message. Are you a Taylor Swift fan?

I'm like, well, you know, as much as any white girl could be. Checked Jake Gyllenhaal's girlfriend's comments. They were off. She's like, dude, I didn't have anything to do with any of this. It was forever ago. I said from the jump that, and I'm a diehard Swifty, so I have no problem saying this, that it was basically anyone else alive would be heavily criticized for her sicking a toxic fan base on an exceptionally innocent person who was in a relationship in his 20s and it just didn't work out that well.

Right. It doesn't seem like anything happened. It didn't murder anyone in Taylor's family. It was just... The girl who said, Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't deserve to breathe air. It's like, I suppose all the other things we breathe, first of all, but Jesus Christ,

that is some imagery that like... Yeah. But from the jump, I was like, ah, this is a little fucked up. And then... Because of his girlfriend or because of him? No, just like... I think he's okay.

I think he's fine. But nobody deserves's fine, but it's still like... But see, fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck you. Okay, all right. Look, I tried your candy, Papa. I came to play ball. I'm sorry I didn't eat the money.

Sorry I said Jake Gyllenhaal's fine. But there is... I want like a review of this podcast like Taylor Thomas she was kind of funny on K-Zero but she didn't eat the money so

there was it doesn't matter how much money you have tons of people or how successful like tons of people being like kill yourself sucks

it's a tough week on the internet but it is just like he's a guy he's successful he's moved on he's fine but the time I really

started to feel for him was when he had to turn his comments off for his RIP post to Steven Sondheim. That's fucked up. Oh, did he? Yeah, it's just like, alright, let the guy fucking mourn his genius friend for a minute. Oh, that's rough. I'm almost coming around on the Swifties.

That's fucking gangster. They don't take a break for nothing, man. They're like, how dare you like another songwriter after what you did to the queen? You're not allowed to listen to music. Wow. I mean, here's, well, okay. Because I, what do we think happened between them?

Because isn't the problem the, like, age difference and power dynamic? He was 29 to 20. That's not that crazy. I thought he was 30. between them. Because isn't the problem the age difference and power dynamic? 29 to 20. That's not that crazy. I thought he was 30. I mean, look. That's how old my boyfriend was when I was 20 or 21. I think he was 30. But he wasn't Jake Gyllenhaal. Do you know what I mean?

He was Jake Gyllenhaal. My boyfriend wasn't Jake Gyllenhaal. That's what I'm saying. I thought you were saying Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't Jake Gyllenhaal. That's what I'm saying. I thought you were saying Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't like Jake Gyllenhaal. I thought that too. No, he had a movie by then. He was pretty popular. I thought he broke back.

He come out. I think he won an Oscar. I'm like this Donnie Darko fuck. No, he was Jake Gyllenhaal. But like, was it? I think that he was like, she's young and like, this is going, she's like in love. And I'm not. It's not going anywhere.

And that's why he broke up with her. But he took her home for, was it Thanksgiving that he took her home for? I mean, that's like. I don't know. Nick's like that meme with the fucking veins come out of his head. And don't ask. You don't know either. You know it.

It was Thanksgiving, right? I think so. It was. Yeah. And the new All Too Well, it seems like he came back and was like, oh, I was in love. What happened? It was after the fact, though.

Was it never getting back together about him, too? I think so. That he came back? Yeah. I'm learning a lot of this on TikTok in the past few days. Same. But yeah, I think so. You know, whatever it was, though, I feel like it was very short-lived.

He's a fuckboy with an age difference. Yeah, but... People are projecting a lot onto that relationship. I also, I just don't think... Like, I know you can fall hard and fall quickly, but, like, if you were together total for, like, three months, there's just not enough time to be this upset and write that much material about it.

Right. Like three months, you've hung out together like six times. But one of them was Thanksgiving. But one of them was Thanksgiving. And apparently something about a scarf. So fuck you for life. We don't know how intense it was. I don't really even care about...

She wrote the album and wrote that song back then. Fine, whatever. Now, the second time around, you're re-recording because you have your own reason for it. You're putting out the full version because you want to. It was like the Seth Meyers thing where, like, he said, like, what do you think about how they feel? Like, to me, that would be the point to be like, oh, I mean, it was ages ago. Like, we're all good. And she's just like, I don't even think about them.

I was like, well, so you're harboring something a little still here. That was a little weird. Well, that's what makes it sound like something horrible happened. Where you're like, what happened? Do you know what I mean? It came out that he got drunk at Thanksgiving and ran over a person in her town. And they buried it together. That's another TikTok thing.

Yeah, and that's Harry Styles. Nobody, no crime? Wait, what? Is that the song? Supposedly Harry Styles. There's another song. Yeah, and that's Harry Styles. Nobody, no crime? Wait, what? Is that the song? Supposedly Harry Styles. There's rumors of Harry running over a guy. Wait, she has a lot of songs about a boyfriend hitting a guy with a car and not paying attention. What?

I subconsciously like... I don't go on TikTok. I truly had no idea this was even a thing. Did you tell me that one of these boyfriends murdered a guy and Taylor Swift rode for him? Now I got to change all my opinions on Taylor. If she buried a body for a dude, I fucking love her. I heard that you got a weird yardstick.

How dare you write a 10-minute song about a guy who didn't love you? Oh, you buried a guy. Queen! Queen! Yes! I've heard that they got into a car accident, but not that anybody was hurt.

That's, I... I know that's what the rich people would... That's what the police would have said. I thought it was somebody got killed. This is some succession shit, you know? Oh my god, this is some succession shit. Again, this is all based off kids on TikTok. I know, right?

I don't know, 12-year-olds dancing while it's popped up on the screen. It must be true. They seem like they know what they're doing. You could probably make a great TikTok dance to a deadly car accident. People do some funny dances to, like, theme songs and, like, shit that shouldn't be. Have you seen people dancing to the screeching letter from Harry Potter? No. The one from Ron's mom

that she sent? That's so weird. We just talked about Howlers. Ronald Weasley. You haven't seen that? No, but earlier today on a movie recording we talked about Howlers.

Oh, yes. It's a Howler. Thank you. I couldn't think of the name. There is, people do a dance to that. They like kind of auto-tuned it

where it's like, how dare you steal that car? And they're like, it's fucking funny. I watched a lot of them. You can make fun of TikTok and Reels all you want, but there's some fucking good shit. I never will. Although my algorithm or whatever is the shit I've been watching on reels for the past two weeks is so bad i have nobody to blame but myself right uh i guess like does it talk reels reels i don't know i don't really use reels because reels sometimes it's just a random person that's like i don't

look at reels i just make reels oh huge reels guy what are you saying i don't even remember i don't look at yours i make reels i am real i just i just wake up every morning i just click on reels i go to trending things i just do one of the trending reels it's like filters they're awful they're terrible i'm a big fan of the game they crack me up they just make me laugh you're very good at the game i love the games they're games yeah they like like uh a gibberish will pop up above your head and you have to sound out a word. Or there's one where you have to blink really fast. There was one with a squid game. You had to blink a bunch and you ran across the red light, green light.

I did them all. Those are for older people. Yeah, those are for the olds. I never see any kids doing those. Fuck. I never see any kids like trying to blink on the second. I'm really good at that one. Four seconds.

I can nail four seconds. You're like, this is Kevin's creme de la creme. Kevin's really good. Fuck, I'm so old. I knew it wasn't. I knew the kids weren't doing it. I didn't realize it got the O tag. I have a lot of fun doing it.

I'm just going to take this bottle off. Going to do reels and play games and drink myself to death. No, truly, I'm just covering for the fact that I didn't know you could do that. And so I feel uncool and uninformed. Just call someone old. I'm like, that must be what old people do because I didn't know about it. There's no way that's trending. You're 100% right.

I'm old too. I'm not like. What's the oldest thing you do? On TikTok? No, no. Period. As a person. Period. I'm old too. I'm not like. What's the oldest thing you do? On TikTok? No, no. Period. As a person. Oh, period.

Oh my God. Like your oldest traits. I referred to myself as a museum person the other day. Old. That's, I mean. Oh, I'm going to the Whitney this weekend. I'm very excited about it. You're just an asshole.

She's old. You're an asshole. I got my tickets. You gotta buy them on certain times. Three o'clock this weekend, I'll be at the Whitney. Really looking forward to it. I love it. I love it.

I do a lot of tea. Tea's old. I have a lot of mugs. Yeah. Do you wear robes and slippers? I don't do slippers. What's the oldest thing you wear? Sam wears slippers, and he keeps trying to get me on the slippers thing.

Slippers are fucking fire. He is. You just walk around the house in them? Yeah. That's like, you gotta put shoes on in your house? Nah, they're slippers. They're very different. They're very comfortable. You just walk around the house in them? Yeah. That's like, you got to put shoes on in your house? Nah, they're slippers. They're very different. They're very comfortable.

They keep your feet warm. Socks. Kind of cool. No. No! Don't you dare! Socks just like- You sit at my table and you talk about socks to me?

You're fucking funny. You know what I do? Socks just like keep your feet whatever temperature they currently are. You have cold feet, put on socks, you stay cold. You put on some like Sherpa or some like fluffy fucking slippers, you're going to be warm. I'll meet you in the middle. Yeah. I've had a handful of hospital stints lately.

Those socks? I got three pairs of hospital socks. With those grippers? Yeah, those are good. Unbelievable. You should go to the hospital a couple more times and pass them on to your boy. They just say, like, XL on them, too. They have, like, sizes.

Give me a pair of XL socks right here next time. Only two of them are mine. I visited my buddy in the hospital. I was like, what are you going to do with those socks? He's like, I don't know. Do you want them? I was like, yeah, pass those here. That is some deplorable behavior.

That's some RU garbage shit. It was Graham. Graham was in the hospital. He fell off his porch. And I was like, let me get those socks. He's like, all right, man, here. He's like, I don't need these. I have a porch.

How'd that happen? How'd he fall off? It was like, it's a house he bought to redo. Yeah. And he went upstairs. This is a year ago or so. Two years ago, maybe. Oh, didn't he break his back? Was it bad? was like there was like fear that it was like really bad like

he just came it was the second floor and he just came up to like rally the end of the day he came to like rest like take a breather on the and but the uh the banisters hadn't been that's a home alone prank and so he went off and just like and hit hit the walkway the entryway like you probably would have been better if you laid on the grass it definitely would have been better but he laid on the entryway and It probably would have been better if he laid on the grass. It definitely would have been better. But he laid on the entryway and then, because he was home alone, he had to crawl

into a window. He didn't have his phone on him. He had to crawl into a window. He broke a bunch of ribs. He had all kinds of shit. He had to crawl into a window to call 911. See, I think about that kind of shit

all the time. Like, back when you didn't have cell phones, what did you do there? You just died. You just died. That's it. It's in God's hands now. That's the Revenant HGTV edition.

Oh, my God. That's so rough. And then went to the hospital and had his socks on. And then his asshole friends show up and be like, where are those socks? And those have the grippers, so he probably put on his other socks. Slept and fell again. You know what you might like? Do you ever go to Barnes & Noble around the holidays?

They have reading socks. You don't have to read in them. They don't check. And they have the little grippy thingies on the bottom, but they go up to almost your knee, and they're real fluffy inside. Really? That sounds good, but that doesn't sound like my health insurance pays for them. I don't know if I'm into it.

I do love the notion of someone playing by the rules of that, though, being like, I only wear these when I read. Like they get home, they're watching TV. No socks on. They're going to bed. Let me strap in. She's just trying to fuck your wife at night. She's like, baby, I'm wearing my reading socks. Come on.

That's like a red light, green light sort of thing. Like, no, no, no. She puts on the reading socks. on That's like a red light green light sort of thing No no no If he puts on the reading socks You're not getting laid tonight Let me put my fucking socks on It's like Mr. Rogers Just the heels cut out Just that they're toeless

So you do have shows I do have shows Yes When does this come out Next week probably Next week probably Tuesday Yeah

Okay Next Tuesday Okay next Tuesday So this weekend I'm in Boulder, Colorado I believe those shows Are sold out So never mind

What And then I'm in Kansas City I think the late show Still has tickets The early show is sold out Next week I'm in Boston I'm shooting my next special

So that's exciting At Boston In Boston? Yeah we're doing five shows at the Wilbur I believe I don't know if there are still tickets for the Tuesday show The other ones are all sold out How many did you start with at the Wilbur? We started with one

Fucking Billy Joel over here Let's get another one And another one Boston's been very nice to me And then I'm in New York City I mean. Let's get another one and another one and another one and another one and another one. Fuck off. Boston's been very nice to me. And then I'm in New York City January 7th and 8th at Town Hall. I believe those are sold out.

Maybe there's a few left. Why are you here? What are you promoting? There's always some that get open up or whatever. So I like to say it because then people are like, that's not sold out.

There's still some singles left. But I am at the Beacon on Januaryuary 9th we just added that third show and there are still tickets i actually think it's better to do these appearances and just list off your sold out ones yeah yeah people are like oh my god this is fucking amazing um these are the ones that are sold out um go to my website t-tom comedy.com to find out the ones that aren't sold out i don't have time to hold your fucking hand can you imagine no please please come please come to this look that wasn't who i am that was a character i was doing don't you dare edit this don't you dare edit this to make me sound ungrateful we're gonna release just that taylor collinson did a she stormed out after that a 40 second interview and i also refused to eat the dollar.

The guest offered her a snack and she said no. Unbelievable. A snack that's been passed down from generation to generation. Just me eating a full 20 not cut up. I just eat a 20 whole. I'm like, check my website, bitches. I eat $20 for breakfast When are you gonna go into arenas? You asked me this last time

Yeah let's go It's time dude I don't think it is It's time Arenas are crazy Crazy Arenas are like But you can do one of those like

Like what was the one Dunkin Donuts Center Had like 6,000 people or some shit That was kind of like an arena... Dunkin' Donuts Center had like 6,000 people or some shit? That was kind of like an arena, right? Dunkin's an arena. Yeah. Where's that?

Providence. Oh, okay. Do it. I mean, well, I didn't know there was a Dunkin' one. I don't know if it's still... I think it's still called Dunkin'. But we did it for the Blackout Tour. It was an arena because we tried to do an arena. 12,000.

12,000. Oh, my God. That's a lot. Fuck. That's too many. Yeah, that's a lot. You know, I don't know. I feel like you have to be just like so huge to do arenas.

Like Sebastian Maniscalco is doing like five arenas in New York. He's disgusting. Oh, my God. But that's like someone you want to see in an arena Who's like such a big act All these people Want to see you too That's We'll see

We'll work up to it But first We'll start at the Beacon On January 9th In New York City How is Are you Are you

We mentioned it before I don't know if we were recording or not But you are being forced To be a basketball fan now Yeah And how's that going you know i i like if i say to you bing bong do you know what that means yeah that's a basketball thing um that's a that's somebody's catchphrase right can't deny that is it is it uh is it the knicks yeah it's

the knicks yeah but it's a certain guy oh well so you, well, so you're thinking about bang. Oh, okay. But that's good. Okay. Because that means you're talking about the announcer, his catchphrase, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Okay. But bing bong is just the Knicks.

Bing bong is like a Knicks mantra right now. Okay. But Mike Breen, who's the Knicks announcer, when you hit a big three, he goes bang. Okay. And that's where you were trying to go with that. It was. And that shows that you kind of know what you're talking about. Look,

we just went to a game and I remember the bing bong thing and I got confused and I'm sorry. My buddy. Listen, just don't ever fucking do it again. Okay. My buddy Dustin, who's on the road with me is always like feeding me like sports lines to

like text Sam. He's like, tell, tell Sam that so-and-so is, has got to hit that whatever the fuck to make it to this. And I'm like, all right. And Sam's like tell Sam that so and so has got to hit that whatever the fuck to make it to this and I'm like alright and Sam's like say hi to Dustin for me

I know that wasn't you what's the equivalent of what's something Sam's doing that's the equivalent of you picking up basketball dude nothing you set Sam up a failure on that one I'm not shitting on him I'm actually he will go to like no I'm not shitting on him I'm actually

he will go to like Broadway shows with me but he has as much fun as I do Broadway's dope Broadway's fucking awesome so I'm like what can I make him

Sam like appreciates everything it's really something I love about him he really appreciates everything so it's hard to get him to do something you should start making shit up

that you don't even like I know right that I don't even like I want to go to a renaissance fair I would love to go So it's hard to get him to do something. You should start making shit up. I know, right? That I don't even like. I want to go to a Renaissance fair. I would love to go to that one. Well, Renaissance fairs are dope too. It's a bad example.

I've been to a bunch of Renaissance fairs. Never had a bad time. A bunch of guys went recently to Medieval Times and it looked amazing. Medieval Times is awesome. Oh, I'm totally going to make him go to Medieval Times. That's amazing no we just saw company uh a few days before steven son i'm done oh did you i just did you watch did you watch tick tick boom yet yeah we watched it the other night it's good too yeah i watched

that wednesday and then he died thursday i know it's rough man he he was comically successful yeah like it's a joke how many things he wrote and did. Leave some for the rest of us, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, it's insane. He was like, that really affected me, and celebrity deaths don't really affect me that much, usually. So this just in, Taylor Thomas doesn't care when people die.

I agree. I don't know. I feel like if you have a parent die young, you're kind of like, kill whatever hero you want. I had a real one. Yeah, you're like, oh, Robin Williams is dead. So is my mom. Fuck off, God.

Robin Williams was very sad. That was a choice. That was a fucking choice for that joke. That was a rough one. That was the first one that came to my head. That was a hard one. But like, Stephen Sondheim was the first one that came to my head that was a hard one um but like steven sondheim was the first one i think uh that really fucked me up for paul walker was since since yeah oh since paul walker this was but this was equally hard this was r.i.p to the greats you know yeah

stuff the thespian not super kidding no he's like you think oh you're. No, he's really not. You think I am? Oh, you're serious. He's dead ass. Oh, I'm sorry. Not dead ass. Like 60% serious. Yeah, a little more than that. 70%. Like 100%. Oh, yeah.

What do you think is the stupidest thing? One more question. What do you think is the stupidest thing that does affect you? It doesn't have to be a death, but like there's a bit of celebrity gossip or there's something silly that you're just like. I feel like I already covered this. I checked Jake Gyllenhaal's girlfriend's Instagram. That is the one.

I was like, how's she doing? Is she okay? Is she somebody? Is she like famous? I don't think she's anybody. I think she's like a model or something. That makes it even worse. I mean, she's somebody.

She's someone's daughter and friend. That doesn't count. How many followers does she have? That's what matters. No, I think maybe she's like a model or something. I'm sure she is. I assume you are. If you're dating Jake Gyllenhaal.

You're the Taylor Swift remodel. Yeah, which Taylor Swift is a model. Let's be honest. She's a model who can sing. There's just got to be some conversations behind the scenes where Jake and that girl are like, man, fuck Taylor Swift. Oh, they absolutely are.

Such a pain in the fucking ass. I don't think she's like- Like John Mayer and all these guys are probably texting each other like- I need to turn off all my comments saying how good I look. God damn it. For real. What have I been on this app for? Engagement's down now.

God damn it. All right. Well, I appreciate you coming in for the third time in three weeks. I know. Thank you so much for having me back. You're always welcome. I was concerned. I was like, what are we going to talk about?

And look at it. We covered so much for having me back always i was concerned i was like what are we going to talk about and look at we we covered so much i actually do believe this is when interviews and appearances get more fun when you're out everybody knows everybody now and we know like the audience knows and now we can like eat fucking dollars i did not this is the base i wasn't aware of this is oh the money eating yeah this is this is like um we're past the like courtship process we're not in like a honeymoon phase we're This is like we're past the courtship process. We're not in a honeymoon phase. We're in the comfortable phase. We put on our reading socks.

We eat fucking money. And we have a good podcast. This podcast was the equivalent of you guys shitting with the door open. I'm like, this is different than last time. Perfect note to end on. Yep. Thanks, guys. That was awesome.

All right. Big thank you to Taylor Tomlinson. She's going to be like, I mean, she has a chance to be like the most successful stand-up of all time. Yeah. At the rate she's so young. And like, think about how

good she'll get over the years. They're going to have to create new arenas for her. She's going to have the Taylor Tomlinson arena because it's got to hold 200,000 people by the time she's 50. You're doing arenas and shit soon enough when you're in your 20s. Forget about it. So, big thank you to her.

Always coming through. We'll have to get her back to do ATI as well. And now we got Andre Thompson, one of the new people who's going to be one of the greats, hopefully. New New York City guy who is making his way through the comedy scene. Give him a listen. Make sure you follow him. Give him a shot.

Very, very funny. We were talking about this is one of my favorite back and forths that we've had in a while. We were talking about like Out Crazy. Like you want to be crazy. I mean I'm not going to say it. But when he talks about Out Crazy, it's so fucking funny. We've had so many great comics on and I think we're at the point where we've become like a comedy podcast.

I think now it's time to show some of the new talent that you might not know yet and some of the people on the rise. Make sure you give them a listen, give them a follow, and check them out if you take Zach's recommendation. It's Andre Thompson on KSC Radio. OnlyFans ruined it for everybody. Ruined it? Ruined it? What?

Got to pay OnlyFans? I don't give too much of a fuck about it. Oh, I guess we start another one. I like it Yeah We were early on the OnlyFans revolution Being like this is This is Yeah OnlyFans is Whatever

You know It's more the internet I would I'll tell you what I'm off OnlyFans I thought it was fun for a minute And it was interesting You were on it

In what aspect He was a performer Whose life are you ruining With this participation? Nah I was just I was following a couple porn stars I liked And then it just kinda It got like all of the internet

When you get too much of it It got too weird It was like alright man I'm getting a little deep in this rap here I'm getting good mornings from porn stars I might have to split you start ending up in the comments

getting critiques don't do it like you used to all that type of shit good morning baby you wanna spoil me I was like get out of here Phoenix like you shouldn't recognize

when somebody get a new tattoo that's too much if you go them angel wings wasn't there last year. Now the bitch got angel wings. You know too much. You got to let go. Go outside. Oh, you changed your hair.

It looks nice. That's too much. But at the same time, the OnlyFans has brought some old favorites out of retirement. Yes. My girl Daisy Marie disappeared back in 05. I thought she was dead. These women are having a Jordan 45 year. Right.

It's the senior tour. Only fans is the senior tour. It's like I can't hang with the pros, but I can still shoot a little bit. I've still got a jumper. He's on all of them. Anybody that's a comeback. I get it Where they're like

I'm tired of fucking Filling up on set And getting fucked by six guys But I can just hang out In my bedroom And finger myself For more money Man

If you're A somewhat hot chick at all And you can make money For masturbating Big money Somewhat hot is Cause man I don't even think it's that

Dude you really... I mean, some of these girls... The internet is dangerous, bro. Everybody is on it. Whatever you into, there's a group. There's somebody. That's what I mean. Not even somebody.

There's a whole bunch. There's a whole ton of people. That has a meeting scheduled, a little band. It's ridiculous. You think you're just some overweight person with bad teeth who like nobody likes and then you get on the internet it's like oh these guys will like worship me and send me money but then like i'd be like i don't know i don't want money from those people i'd be like i should like i mean those porn stars will take money from fucking anyone i should be shot by society. All right, taking the money.

Taking money depends on where it's coming from. Like, what is the money attached to? Is it like one of those movie situations? If I take this money, I, you know, like, yeah, like, I owe you. But if it's just, yo, donation, that's not my business. That's where this green stuff comes from as a donation. Right. You're the middleman. You did some dirt to get it legally by the time we get it it's legal it's been dirty no yeah it used to be

but basically only it's it's laundering the money i'm helping you launder it but i don't you know somebody thought that was marty right Some goofy motherfucker going to Walmart, just getting his shit, not knowing this money done seen somebody get shot before. Money done been in some ass. Money got a story. Money got a hefty story. He have no idea. Those bills could talk, man.

Yo, he have no idea. I seen some shit before. $20 bill, baby. I don't know. I mean, it would have to be some bad, bad shit for me to turn down some money. As long as I didn't do anything wrong, it would have to be some really bad shit for me. Yeah, I want to know that it's coming to me the same way my other money has came to me. Here's your check.

Fuck off. That's it. That's what I want. Don't ask, don't tell. I don't want you to have no, when you're coming back. Do we know each other now? Can't get in trouble for it. It's good. I think all money is is I feel like a debt to I feel like that Someone says hello to me. Let alone gives me Fuck someone says hello to me. Let alone gives me fucking money. To what degree? I shook your hand. I can ask you to move furniture now.

Fuck you. No joke. He's not kidding. He is the most... It's actually... It's very nice, but it's also horrible for him. If I think there's one person

who doesn't like me, I can't fall asleep that night. So anyone who... Guess what, brother? There's a bunch. And the problem is most people don't like me. There lot of somebody you could talk to to rectify this situation he's tried he's tried they've given up they don't much there have definitely been therapists or like wait hold on what

happened hang on I've had that with tutors before yeah i remember making i remember making this christian tutor in church it was so funny to me when i made this dude curse because you know like the context yeah his effort in life to not curse the journey and then my stupidity was like i'm fucking god damn like i was so dumb that one day that the devil took him over. And he was like, ah, fuck. This fucking kid, man. He never. It was the funniest shit to watch him break because I can't do long division.

So watch him break because of that. It was fucking perfect, bro. Dude spent 50 years not watching porn, loving his wife, not covering his name. Yo, my mom probably burned money. He probably went, you know, He probably spiraled after that. He's like, fuck it, I don't believe in the Lord. Yeah, he got two mixtapes out now. Changed his whole life up.

Your inability to do long division was his gateway drug. That's it. He's got a needle in his arm and a fucking gun in his waist. All that dirty fentanyl coming from that motherfucker right there. All that bad coke is him. I apologize to society. I will learn long division.

Put an end to this all. I made a, when I was like three, my next door neighbor was like this sweet little old Irish woman who babysat, like, everybody in the neighborhood, right? And my mom, like, brings me across. And so I had gone frequently. But one day, like, my mom brings me over. She goes back. She's doing whatever she needs to do. And, like, there's a knock at the door.

And she opens it up. And she was like, here, man. She was like, I can't. Here's your responsibility. I can't do it anymore. This one's yours. She quit. She quit on the spot.

She was like, I cannot do this anymore. I'm sorry. Because of you. That's funny, bro. Bro, this is the second story of you this morning. I heard that. Hold on. This is the second time somebody came back with a return notice?

This is the second? Well, I was a bad, bad kid. Like, baby, I was told. I was told I was like a nightmare until I was. I don't know. I think I just. Mischievous? No, no, no.

I think it was just like. You know what I'm saying like you putting teepees on people's houses no no or cutting the principal it wasn't even bad it was

it was just like I was crying and puking and you know I was just a baby oh you were annoying yeah not bad

not bad you were fucking annoying people didn't like me that's all you're fucking crying again god damn it you know what I used to do? No lie.

No lie. When I was like a real young baby, I would cry so much, so hard, I would turn blue and pass out. That's kind of funny. And the first... So the first couple times I do it, my parents freak out. They're thinking I'm like dead or whatever because my lips are legit blue and they're like...

The third time, it's like, look at this motherfucker, Smurf. Giving you nicknames having a good time they'd be at like a you know family parties or whatever the neighbors are over

trying to do shit to set you off to be like watch him watch him look watch I told you

you're gonna turn blue I'm passed out in the back and they're like call 911 and my parents my dad's cracking another beer he's fine

my brother was so fast the baby whenever he rolled he pulled his own shoulder out of the socket. That's fucking crazy. He was born with football injuries. He has the injuries of a lightning. When he was like two, when he still wanted to walk, he got a hernia from lifting his fucking upper body up all the time. He was two with a hernia?

I forget exactly his age. It was between two and four. Anything other than like 15. He could drive a forklift, I'm sure. There's no way you got a hernia and a fucking CDO. You could drive a forklift. I know you can. Even if you never did it before.

Push him off the fucking end there. He'll figure it out. He had a diaper and a cigarette. Coffee time. This feels right. You're right. Hell yeah. did it before push him what the fuck in there you figure it out yeah typewriter cigarette coffee time this feels right my dad was like i didn't know i was gonna have to go to medical school because they've been eventually it was every time he rolled over so you couldn't take him to the hospital every time he's gonna learn how to pop sockets into babies again he was born 11 11 he was fat as fuck he was you that is baby trained

to pop to be a good like ringside I used to tell temper tantrums when I was young if my clothes got dirty which is which is very fucking frequent. I would think, by the way, no, I would make effort to be like I'm playing. But if I say I'm out, you were always fresh. I'll tell you what, when you walked in, I was like, that looks like a guy who got mad about his clothes. But I don't do that now. It's ridiculous. Like there's a there's a limit to how much I care about clothes or just items in general. Where it's like I fuck it up a bit.

If I get some really nice sneakers, you'll see most people have an effort of, yo, this is a nice sneaker. It's the introduction. I can't be walking all crazy. But the day I get them, bitches, if I like them, they on my feet. I'm busy.

I'll play ball the same day. I don't care. I just like, they on my feet. I'm busy. I'll play ball the same day. I don't care. I just like, I don't know. I feel like it's almost a thing of like, I don't want my items to own me. I get that. It's just like. People who buy sneakers don't wear them. I don't fucking get it.

No, no. Like, whatever it is. It's like, if it gets a scratch. Some people are like, very cosmetic. And it's like, they need a whole new joint now. Yeah. If the thing is like, messed up a bit or tattered. I remember one time I'm going on the steps, and the wall had fresh paint, but I didn't know.

There was no sign. So I'm going on the steps. I'm fucking around being goofy. I'm acting like I'm falling, and then get a nice slab of paint going up the left side of the arm. Just got the jacket. Jacket's pretty new. So I was like, all right alright I got a whole gray arm now I could be pissed off

or whatever I just went right the fuck back upstairs and slid the other side to the Mentos commercial you remember that commercial back in the day dude rolling

you know what I'm talking about fuck it like I'm in that's hilarious cause I felt like the other option is I could get upset about this shit

and I don't wanna do that dude that's hilarious I'm on like the other end of the. And I don't want to do that. Dude, that's hilarious. I'm on, like, the other end of the extreme where I intentionally destroy things I own. That's kind of good, too, though. You used to skate and some shit? No, I know. I did. But it was, like, it was, I don't, it wasn't always my whole life, but I was kind of, like,

there was a, there was, like, probably, like, when I first found the sneakers a little bit, I was, like, all right, I got to wear them nice. And then, I mean, it was honestly probably a week of that. And I was like, fuck it. Oh, I know. I like things a little messier. Remember you wore those, you wore those, the black cement threes to like a fucking festival or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like, you know, the holy grail of Jordans. He was at like an outdoor festival. People were like, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm fucking, it's cooler when it's a little messy. Like, it's cooler when it's fucking worn. There is a thing to that. I went through a little phase. Yeah, because it's so special to you, and I don't even give a fuck about it.

There's a lot... There's that? That makes people be like, what the fuck? What's up with you? Also, I bought a pair of regular Vans, just regular, basic, authentic Vans. But for some reason, I guess the material was a little different. So they look extra. They look almost too new.

And to this day, I just don't like them. I don't wear them. Too fresh? Too clean? It makes me think of nursing shoes. It looks sanitary. That's what it looks like. This looks fucking like I'm in nursing school.

I'm never putting these bitches on. Right. I'll throw them shits away. Dude, do people, if you take, when I see someone take off their shoe to get down on one knee and propose. I've seen that. That marriage gonna fail. I can't wait.

Because they don't want a fucking crease in their Jordan 1s. Or they wear those inserts. Yeah, you can't handle a crease. You're not going to handle her when she having a mood or shit get rocky. For real. You think your relationship is going to stay fresh like them sneakers, nigga? It's going to fail. Fail.

Honestly, I'm jealous of those people. If your life is so easy otherwise that the one thing you got to worry about is I got to walk like a fucking duck so I don't crease my sneakers. Or it could be the other way around. The life is so fucked up that the sneaker is like, yo, bro, this is everything right now. This is the one thing I could control.

This guy gets a crease in his sneaker and he's like, I'm out. I'm fucking done. You know people that's on their last shit like this is my every... This shit, bro? It's like the dude on the block with the one nice car.

It's a shitty neighborhood, but he's washing that shit every day. It's not even car it's just that's his but it's sparkling yeah if something happened to that shit somebody dying somebody dying i was gonna say like an anorexic girl who's like this is this is the one thing i can control my life everything else is falling apart around me and this is the one thing i have i won't eat this meal fuck it staying skinny stephanie so um the reason this all even happened uh we had ricky velez in here and we were just talking about stand up and new york city specifically and uh you were one of the names he threw out there as you know the next generation of up-and-coming New York New York killers so and that's a guy who like you know fucking you job yeah I was wow appreciate

like when I saw like oh shit like Ricky was one of the dudes when I first first started like I seen him I just was at Broadway now I'll go so I I'll see Ricky he was like the first person that I saw do like regular spots to me. So it was like he was already like, oh, shit. From from when I just came in and he was still in a dude to be like, yo, what's up? Where you from? Yeah. Good guy.

And it was still like at that moment, I was like, oh, shit. Fucking comic has talked to me like this is me going paying to see the show. I wasn't a comedian being like I'm one of the guys is me going paying to see the show I wasn't a comedian being like I'm one of the guys like I'm paying to see it and he was he'll see me again

at the next time he was like what up he's like you from Queens like yeah he was like oh shit me too he was mad cool about it so it was just like

fucking love everything that dude's doing and he's like you know you can get a cosign from a lot of people and not even just the level of success he's had but he knows funny man like that's why I immediately hit you up he's like, you know, you can get a cosign from a lot of people and not even just the level of success he's had.

But he knows funny, man. Like, that's why I immediately hit you up. He's just like, man, chill. And he knows what funny is. That's why I hit you up immediately because I was like, if Ricky Velez says someone's funny, they're fucking funny. Yeah, absolutely, man. But it's also interesting that I feel like in New York, it's still very cutthroat out here and to even you know not many people even take the time to like put other people on or give other people any shine

and um i don't know i i think in general that's kind of a new york or east coast type of thing there's something because even that always makes me think of music like when you rappers from the south usually work together without a problem west coast they kind of come together too without a problem as my most other places but the closer and closer you get to it being cold everybody's like oh all i don't know what it is it happens happens so quick. You start approaching Philadelphia, and then the fucks just start getting handed out. I don't know why. Jersey, more fucks. New York, more fucks.

And then Canada gets nice again. But in that pocket, Boston and all, everybody just fuck you all the time. But I like that. I prefer that. Me too. I think this is a balance. You I like that. I prefer that. Me too. I think this levels. You can find it in between, maybe. A balance.

Yes, please. Please, for the love of God. It probably goes back to that therapy thing we referenced earlier. But I don't trust people who are just helpful and shit. Not even just helpful. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you. You can't possibly be that nice. We just met, motherfucker. You haven't seen me before. Good to see you again. This is the first time. Right. And even if it wasn't, why are you so happy to see me again?

What is it? Yeah, like, I'm all right. I'm not that good. Trust me. I meet me every day. I ain't going to move your furniture. That's this nigga. That's him.

That's like, it's like what people say about, I feel like it's kind of comparable to like other regions are comparable. People are like, back in the day, people were like nicer. I'm like, well, sure. I might have said hello to you at the market, but like you're going to go home and beat the shit out of his wife. He's not a nice person. Because dinner wasn't, it's not a nice person.

I feel like here, we're not like, we're saying fuck you to your face, but why are you talking to me? It's like, I, but I fucking respect your right to get married. It's the realness. It's the difference. Like what you define nice as. There's a realness. It's not phony.

Right. It's more like just the upfront, the first thing, just not knowing somebody, just being like, hey, good morning. And that's it. That's it. If that's all you're requiring from a person, you could get that pretty easy in a lot of places. But, like, the extra shit, like, being, I went to go get gas the other day, and this

dude just came up to my car. I was like, bro, I'm fucked up. You got to jump? And I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, sure. Gassed up, just whipped it over, gave him a jump. He had also had a Honda. I love Hondas.

And then. You're a big Honda guy. I love Japanese. Shout out, Honda. JDM, Japanese domestic. I like that yeah car like that shit a lot like more than anything but it's like when I just it was just easy he just wasn't no like story he was like yo bro I'm fucked up you gotta jump yeah right to the point no extra shit no good evening man my family nothing hey i'm fucked up you got what i need or not all right good looking that's it it was perfect like so yeah yeah i love it i i heard uh roy woods jr was talking about he gets he said he gets he said his he something like the five years

he spent in new york he got more done than the 10 or 15 years he spent in L.A. And he said it's like just because it never lets you stop. He's like, in L.A., you can take breaks and you can convince yourself you're good. And other people are phony and they tell you you're doing good. And in New York, there's none of that. It also depends on who you're hanging around to. Sure, sure. Like, I only, I'm born and raised in New York,

so, like, this is the only place. Anytime I ever went to L.A. or any other place to do comedy, it's like, it was like to experience a little bit of what I've worked for here. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some type of celebration or, like, a headline spot. Like, something to experience what I was working towards. Right.

So, I'm, like, so everything started in is New York, but it was around who I'm with that made the difference. Like I see comics hang out with certain comics that, you know, they're not taking this shit that serious. Yeah. Right. Right.

They enjoyed it. And I think that's kind of what he was saying about it. Party is enough. Yes. But there's other people who are, yo, this is, I'm in it for blood.

Like, this is what it is. Like, like Pete hanging out with people like Nico white, evil whip alex babbitt felt like these niggas make me feel they make me feel lazy like yeah yeah nico will lack a hit 40 spots a month even like these people yeah they grind in there and i'm here going like i gotta work harder it's just imagine it's like who you around who you looking up to ricky i was seeing this motherfucker do spot every time he's like even when he was working at the door like he's working doing spots granted it's just like it's who you looking up to and who you trying to be like who

you trying to like be around if you're hanging with somebody that don't really give a fuck you not gonna give a fuck yeah i think so i forget who it was we had a guest in here though who was like i think you as you kind of said like the was. We had a guest in here, though, who was like, I think, as you kind of just said, like the middle ground. We had a guest in here who was like,

but everyone does need like one LA friend. One person who's like the hype man. Yeah. Because in New York, everyone's like, I'm not doing well.

Everything sucks. Despite the fact that you are doing well. And you need one person to remind you. One person to remind you being like, hey,

things are on fire. I love it. things are just going great in my life right now come on homie renee vaca that he's he's a party like on site yeah on site alex like that too but like there's there's people with that energy that's like on site is party i don't get down like that this is me on 10 yeah i'm giving it everything i got I want to go to sleep I'm so with you that man like I'm not here to like perform for you I'm not here to get you excited doing well we do things are nice let's have some fun let's enjoy life a little bit what was I saying the mood back down to keep it even he says he's still feeling like he's not like accomplished a lot who's this roy woods jr like motherfucker's been on the daily show like a consistent huge part of it for how long now

and he said he's still like i'm not doing so good which is like well then how the fuck should anybody feel like they're accomplished you know but that's it's more like i take that and i try to bring it to my reality where it's like all right i can use that same attitude and be like okay despite whatever i do have which is dope appreciate it yeah what the fuck you gonna do just chill now so it's like if you keep that same engine going that got you to that point you could at least upgrade you know change the spark plug or two maybe just like put a little extra in it or you might get some more sustain it because that's the other thing it's like you get to the thing how you gonna hold it how you gonna keep it going like because also there's no excuses anymore either like I feel like back in the day you needed to like you

know have an agent or someone's got to discover you when you got it and this is just like between fucking your phone the internet and you know this little like all the streaming services just regular ass effort bro which is the hardest thing in the world to give i can move a couch i can't give ever not every day there is there is something nice about jobs like that where it's just like move the couch from the truck through the apartment and that's it. Don't think. It's just like, yeah. That's why – I mean I used to have a cube job just staring at a computer that I hated and I'm happy to be doing this shit.

But also we have to be on every single day. And there were times I would go to work and I would say to myself, I'm not doing a fucking thing today. I'm going to stare at the screen and not do shit. And it worked. And it was fine. Nobody caught me. Nobody cared. And if I. And it was fine. Nobody caught me. Nobody cared. And if I were to do that here, you know, you can't.

So there's something nice about just being, yeah, I'm just a faceless nobody. I used to move furniture. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that's the worst. From New York to California. Oh, shit. You drive it?

You drive it. I was a truck assistant. But still, you're making a drive. Yeah, I'm making a drive. I'm sleeping on the bunk in the back and shit. I was fucking brushing my teeth in the washing station. Like, truck life. That's wild.

I was on that shit. You get lot lizards? Oh, is that reference? Because I'm thinking of an actual lizard. I seen one. We're talking about whores. Yeah, we were going through Arizona one time. It was crazy.

Big motherfucker. Yeah, it was like that. I was in Missouri and there was a big ass lizard on the lot. Freaked me the fuck out. I didn't know he was talking about loose pussy.

I was not prepared. I don't even know which one I'd rather fuck on the road. Dude, that's great. An actual lizard. I thought you was talking about the shit with the wings on the neck. The Jurassic Park thing. That shit. I saw one of those. Changed my life a little bit.

I didn't know you were talking about the other stuff the south everyone's so polite and there's fucking big lizards down here shit but no but you ever run into like I've heard a lot lizards and shit like that but like is that

is there actual reality in that no cause I really only knew about the that experience that was the first time I heard when did you ever fucked one but that's it no That was the first time I heard I didn't get fucked one But that's it No

That was the first time I heard The truck told the story Cause I Oh they tell stories about like Hooking up But not lat listeners They're usually talking about stories But like

Just being like Bitches on At the fucking house You're moving the furniture to Oh really Like I remember one time He was moving furniture bro That's like a boy

And it was It was You can tell this mom was ret to go. She came down in the little mini dress skirt shit. Move this over here, boy. No fucking shoes on. She all super front, extra talk in your face. It was a lot. She's throwing herself on the couch and shit like

she's being goofy goofy goofy throwing yourself on the couch it's like best borderline sexual harassment so wait and then like you finish moving or like mid-move you're like yo boys like hold this down for a little bit i gotta go upstairs with this girl for a second i ain't do shit because i'm i'm i was mad young when i was doing it yeah you know i'm saying like i'm legitimately like i was 18 at one point 19 on point 22 so it's like right and i was a fucking dork i'm seeing this shit happen i'm like i can't believe this shit's fucking idiot bro i'm 33 now i see that like i can't believe but like one of the homies that's like on the truck sometimes 33 now I'd see that Like I can't believe This shit's happening Oh shit But like One of the homies

That's like on the truck Sometimes You pick up help Just random help From different truck places And It's usually The random pickups

That's like Yeah I help for the day That's like I'm on this truck For one day I don't give a fuck About shit I'm not moving anything

Y'all two are going To California and all of that I live here I don't give a fuck It's one of them That And all of that I live here I don't give a fuck It's one of them Trying to find a wife Yeah I don't give a shit I'll fuck Stacey

You have one chair Like one piece And then fuck that girl And then go home God damn it Dennis Somebody need a nurse That is wild though man That's almost like

You know when pilots And flight attendants Fuck everywhere they go Same shit with moving You're gonna drive Across the country Fuck you and bounce Certain jobs That's almost like when pilots and flight attendants fuck everywhere they go. Same shit with moving, right? You're going to drive across the country, fuck you, and bounce. Certain jobs where you're always on the road. That's what you talk about, like those businessmen.

They'll be like, oh, this is a business trip. They fly out and go fuck somebody in some weird hotel in Seattle. I mean, I feel like there's a lot of people in the world of comedy that do it that way, too, right? You get caught up in road life of partying and fucking and not focusing. For real, if you want to, it's available. For me, anytime I see, I just see, like, the path to failure. Like, when I see, like, the idea of just, like, I'm at a show and some girl is giving me too much energy and all of that. Like, I just start seeing, like, you're going to try to fuck my life up. Yeah.

You're going to do something goofy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is, I have a girl. This is just going to, this is trouble. Yep. I care more about. You're laughing too hard at my jokes.

Yeah, I care more about making money and doing dope shit before fucking. Yeah. Like, pussy is amazing. Okay. You look like you're trying to sell me on it. Like, pussy's amazing. Okay? You look like you're trying to sell me on it. I swear to God. You let that one linger, dude.

You let that simmer for a second. It is amazing. I'm not for the bullshit. Like, it's not in my head. Like, sex is great. Yeah. But I know that's not where it ends.

It's gonna be like, you know? Yeah, no. Texting and the Insta-social shit. Yeah. She shows up in your next show. Showing up. Now you got somebody that's stalking you you don't know what the fuck i've always thought that that's like i

mean i guess when there wasn't social media and shit it didn't really matter but you know forever with bands and groupies like they know where you're gonna be all the time they can show up to one of them whatever they want don't blink it's them. One of them girls that don't use the blinking. She's just open-eyed the entire time, looking in your soul. She's going to pop the fuck up everywhere you go. Yeah. I don't want that. Right.

I don't want that. That's just scary. It is. Yeah, I'll be in Wichita, and then I'll follow you to fucking Ohio, and then I'll be in New Jersey. Yeah, if you have a weird dude, hit him. Yeah. What you going to do with a weird girl? You just got to run a lot. Nah'll be in New Jersey. Yeah, if you have a weird dude, there's a... Hit him. Yeah. What you gonna do

with a weird girl? You just gotta run a lot. Nah, you can fuck her. Then she gonna stay longer. I know. Dude, I've never had to that extent kind of deal,

but whenever I see a person who I shouldn't fuck, I'm like... I'm like, I'm about to knock these boots. I'm gonna fuck you, man. You see that girl over there?

She made the drive, man. She made the drive man She made the drive I'll help her move And then I'll fuck her You're gonna end up With a family Because you're being polite You're gonna end up

With a whole fucking family For real though I do it all the time We're talking to Nikki Glaser about it Where it's like So often I have sex

I'm like I don't even wanna do this I'm just like During Yeah like I'll be taking my sex, I'm like, I don't even want to do this. I'm just like, during? Yeah, like, I'll be taking my pants off. I'm like, I really don't want to do this. I don't even want to do this. Like, not even, like, drunk. Like, stone sober.

I'm like, ah, this fucking sucks. Why? Because, like, because the way she look or because you know the trouble that might come with it. Just for all of it. All of it. Damn. That's usually the problem, man, is the trouble. When everything looks good is when the trouble's coming.

And that's the problem. They look good in everything. I mean, look, they're mostly attractive women. Trouble. Sometimes not. Yo, the problem now, I feel like they've learned, like because of the internet and jokes and memes and stereotypes that everyone talks about, now they know if they're hot that everybody assumes they're trouble,

so they really mask it. And they know how to hide it, but then they're even extra trouble. I've seen it. I feel like I've seen them. They know that they're going to, so then they hide it more, but then the crazier is even crazier. It's really kept at bay, So then when it comes out, it's like, oh, fuck.

That shit just sitting there like a pressure cooker. Yeah, yes, exactly. And you're like, wow, this is the hot one who's not crazy. And then you find out, nope. It always holds true. But here's the deal.

I'm also okay with it because no matter what you do, I want to be the crazier one. That is fucking funny. You know what the problem is I'm crazy No you are crazier But girl

But you're Ultimately as a dude You won't You're not as crazy Cause they're gonna act on you You go to the other side Okay bitch Bam

Now we not driving hoe I don't care I stab all my tires I skateboard hoe I don't give a fuck Bet you my tires I'll skateboard I'll get fucked Bet you can't do a kickflip I don't care That's great That's perfect

That's gonna work Slashing your own tires That's it right there That's hilarious I'll fight fire with fire I'll fight fire with napalm bro I'll burn this whole fucking sea To the ground

And salt the earth I don't give a shit I see fire I was just like This ground and salt the earth. I don't give a shit. I see fire. I was just like, this bitch want it. I can't. I can't. Don't go the other way. More than me.

I don't want no trouble. I'm out. Oh, man. Put my fucking head through the window. Watch me. I don't fucking care. So how long you been at comedy now? Is this something you done since like a kid?

Yeah, I started at like late 18-ish. So like now it's 10. Yeah, this October made it 10 years. Crazy. Yeah. I feel like that's almost everybody. You got to start early. It's very hard to start late, I feel like.

Yeah, I mean, I first, like the first time the idea popped into my head, I was in junior high school. Really? Yeah, when I was at one of them. I always watch comedy and shit, but I don't really know. You know, it's a very far, foreign-looking thing, how to get into and all of that shit. So it's like nobody has an idea.

But then I remembered, like, I went to, you know, Scholastic Book Fairs? Yeah. Bro, I don't know why, but this time they just had this one book off in the corner. Just a Bruce Bruce book. Bruce Bruce just wrote a book, and he had his comedy album. Fucking legendary comedian. I grew up watching Bruce Bruce kill on every appearance of any kind whatsoever.

Fucking legendary comedian. I see his book bruce bruce got a book and then he had his comedy album in the back and this is the like the joint so he you know i'm sixth grade scholastic book fair yeah i'm hearing all kind of motherfuckers crushing and shit i'm like oh shit i download the book on my fucking little SanDisk MP3 player. I'm listening to this shit every day. And then I come home with the idea. I'm like, yo, I want to be a comedian.

But, you know, you mad young. You can't. My family is like, bro, we don't know what that shit is. Go to school. Shut that down. And then 18 hit. I literally skated. I thought I was going to keep this shit a secret.

I found a place I'm supposed to do comedy at. Found Comic Strip Live Open mic I just googled open mic I skateboarded to the park Dipped off Left

Cause I'm thinking I'm like I'm gonna keep this side Of my life secret This trying thing I'm trying to do In the closet comedian Yeah like

I'm just keep this shit secret And hope whatever the fuck And then I Went to open mic I called Went there Did it a couple times and then eventually family started catching on to me being like coming home weird hours and then the questions start to

happen like what the fuck are you doing and i'm like i'm trying to do comedy now i'm just trying it out yeah 18 just never stopped i ran into other young people that's what happened too and i think that helped yeah having a crew of people yeah wouldn't like i don't even like like thought about like the first time popping on stage like do you have do you even know what you're doing at that point like do you have like do you have notes are you like do you have a plan or you i had i had stuff that i wrote down that i wanted to try out and say and shit and then you know i did the it was the five minute open mic. The first minute or two, I'm flat out dying, bro. Bombing my dick off.

Dead silent in there. And then just off into a corner, some dude said some, you know, trying to be funny shit. Eh, fuck off, whatever. And then I was like, yo, shut the fuck. And then just went off on him. And then that guy laughs. And then the rest of the set was me calling yo, shut the fuck. And then just went off on him. And then that guy laughs. And then the rest of the set was me calling him all kind of shit. And then I was like, all right, thank you.

Good night, everybody. I can do this shit all fucking day. And then I bombed my ass off for a long time, too. Yeah, but that is, I mean. I'll just play the Washington General. Keep putting fucking lame ass dudes in the corner. I'll fucking knock them down. That works though man

That's what people Like that's when your natural self And your funniest comedy comes out When you just fucking Go right If you're a funny person Relaxing yeah Just trying to be yourself

And then I swear yo Like Who you hanging out with It makes a fucking difference Cause like People start early Nico started earlier than me.

And I, when I came in, I saw him already doing regular spots and shit. And he was, he's the same age as me. And I'm seeing this motherfucker do regular time. Yeah. Paid spots.

Right. And that looks crazy to me. Cause I'm like, Oh shit. Like how the fuck shit at midnight or whatever. It's like, how old are you? Motherfucker. Yeah. And it's like, how old are you, motherfucker?

Yeah. And it's like, it's just so, shit like that. Just following people. Nick Callas, just motherfuckers that's like, also came in at 16, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19. And it's like, damn, they started early. They from around here and they going for it. Right. And they dead serious about it.

That's the New York thing, right? I was thinking like, yo, how am I going to make my mama retire off of this shit? How am I going to be so fucking good at this that I could possibly hit that type of... Does the West Coast have that? Are people starting at like 14 and 15 in LA? I... Fuck.

I think so. I feel like logistically, like in New York, you're in the city, you're a kid, you can get to the club. It's easy. It's easier. It's even like just physically getting there in New York. That's a huge fucking part city You're a kid You can get to the club It's easy It's easier

It's even like Just physically getting there In New York That's a huge fucking car In LA it's like You need a car Yeah You gotta drive fucking

An hour and ten minutes To get there That's true Or whatever Your family lives in like The Burbs or whatever You know it's not It's not something

That's easily accessible That's fucking true And then you get there And you got fucking legends You gotta wait And you got You wait You know you're paying your dues

Weeds out to people Who don't wanna do that shit, you know? I was waiting mad long for spots. Yeah, I'm sure. Even, you know,

some of the guys we know who are really, like, successful and they're still doing midnight spots and couple minute spots here and there. At that point,

it's because it's purely fun and then that's a place to go to, to go work. Yeah, they don't need to. They want to. it's because it's purely fun and then it's a place to go work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't need to. They want to. It's a place where

there's no stakes. You know, it's like, I could bomb here. Yeah. This is fine. Nobody paid for this. Fuck y'all.

Ain't no responsibility to this. I'll say whatever the fuck I want up here. It's the perfect time to try shit out. So what kind of comedy Like you know

For the fans who are getting to know you Is it just New York shit Is it just about you Like you have a certain style Shit Certain style I pretty much

I guess it's My point of view Shit Just It's pretty much Shit about me Like From From me how i feel about

stuff how i see it even even if there's a understanding or lack thereof um what's going on that's what she gets really funny i don't know what i'm talking about but here's what i feel about it yeah i have one of the recent jokes i've been enjoying doing is uh the shit about the capital riot and it's just like i don't i've never said insurrection until that shit happened that word has never came into my ether whatsoever it never came into it so it's like i don't know i didn't know what it was the day it happened i completely unaware of it did not give a fuck my mom is glued to the tv she watches news she knows yeah i don't give not give a fuck. My mom is glued to the TV. She watches news. She knows. I don't give a half a fuck.

It's just like, that's how I spoke about it. That's my actual experience. I don't give no shit about no insurrection. That was not... That was a white day. That was not my... I was going to say it was on every TV here.

That was a white day. That was a white day. It's not for me. You know? There was not up there being like, free everybody black. No. It had nothing to do with us. I'm tired of seeing how brothers are getting treated in this country.

None of them said that shit. Listen, Nancy. Not one gave a fuck. None of them said that shit. Listen, Nancy. Not one gave a fuck. I ain't give a shit. That's a great... That should be an act of yours, the white days. There are certain white days on the calendar, you know what I mean?

That was a white day. It's a bunch of fucking those, man. We called out, man. We're not going to make it. We're not going to make it. We're not going to make it to the insurrection. You guys do you. I'll catch you on January 7th.

We'll see you tomorrow. We'll try again. Maybe that's a black day. The black day is the after party. I'm not coming to that first one. I love it, man. All right, well, one of the other things we do here is called Answer the Internet. I'm not coming to that first one I love it man Alright well One of the other things we do here

Is called answer the internet Right So People have been calling in our show For the last ten years Asking us stupid questions And we're gonna put you to the test We go next door to the studio

But Tell the people where they can Find you And your content And your tickets And all that shit Shit Andre D. Thompson

On everything As I found an appropriate Size pocket There you go Yeah Andre D. Thompson On all of the an appropriate sized pocket Yeah Andre D Thompson On all of the stuff you type that in you'll find me Beautiful easy Thank you. Thank you.