KFC Radio - The White Knights of the Internet, Noogie-Gate, and The Short Porch Idiots

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Feitelberg via satellite to update us on the St. Louis guys getting dominated by Dave and the Boston crew. The White Knights and Blue Check brigade have a problem with the Bruins letting Barstool sponsor rally towels. Best mainstream movie sex scenes, worst TV shows/movies if they came out in the social media era, getting intimidated by hot girls, and taking nudes in advance. The Short Porch idiots (Hubbs & Tommy Smokes) join to talk Mets and Yankees. Luke Voit, fat Gary Sanchez, Pete Alonso, the Red Sox disaster of a bullpen, and who will sign Kimbrel. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio presented by Postmates. Episode is brought to you by Stitch Fix. We're right past the spring. Spring season doesn't even exist. We're on to summer. Summer, for me, hardest season to dress.

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go to stitchfix.com slash kfc and you get an extra 25 when you keep everything in your box so if you're looking for a whole new summer wardrobe tell stitch fix they'll send you over an entire box of shoes clothes accessories keep every single item and you get 25% off. But that's only when you go to stitchfix.com. KFC. I'm Drew. I'm taking over you. Feidelberg via satellite. How are we? From Boston.

We're good. It's great around here. None of you schmucks are, you know, fucking up my day. I can work on my own schedule. I don't have to worry about Portnoy. And then I get to just tune in watching whatever fucking. One thing I will always tune into in Barstool. I think a lot of times we don't we don't always watch our own content, but something like this, like that Noogie and and Dave going to war and, you know, Boston in the in the hunt for another championship and Riggs YP dissension amongst the Blues fans.

I mean, I mean, it took John, it took two seconds like the series the series is done it's over it took midway through the second period and it was nerve-wracking for a minute because earlier in the game like two minutes into the game there was a fight amongst bruins fans in the crowd about positivity and they're like you got every positive and then in the most boston argument i've ever heard in my entire life, they almost came to blows about who drove furthest to get to the game. And one guy threw out, he drove 3,000 miles. I don't even know what's 3,000 miles. The moon, like 3,000 miles.

You have to be legitimately on the Pacific Ocean. Like 3,000 miles to the West Coast, right? To L.A. It's like you have to be a Bruins fan living in Los Angeles for that to even be possible, pal. He's like, I drove three hours to get here. The guy's like, I drove 3,000 miles to get here. We got to stay together right now. This is.

Right. Close ranks. Family Cup finals. Let's keep it tight. Well, that makes me feel even worse. Because the Blues had what? A 2-0 lead at one point. They had you guys apparently fighting each other in the stands and then one jumbotron appearance one uh you know semi quote-unquote illegal hit and four unanswered

goals later i mean get out of town right that was if that's illegal then just cancel all of hockey because that was the best thing i've seen on a hockey rink in like forever that was awesome i mean it was it was amazing it was the way the bruins have been like joking about it after too we're like they're like yeah you know dory's hair was looking fantastic yeah that had a helmet popping off the little scrum beforehand going basically like board to board to fucking lay that hit what rank okay i'm gonna give you three things rank the order of importance four unanswered goals from the bruins that whole sequence with the check and dave's noogie order of importance huh you just did it in reverse order one noogie two check agree for agreed i mean isn't that sick? And I'm really, but I'm seriously I'm only like 50%

joking. I'm only like 20% joking. Like, I've just been around long enough to see that when maybe it's not direct cause and effect, but if something like a Dave Noogie is occurring, we know where we are headed. I don't know how, I don't know why,

I don't know why it affects the outcome of the game, but it just fucking does. I've learned when you win a lot of championships, and that sounds like a cocky thing, but it's just a fact. When you win a lot of championships, you learn to observe the season as the championship

DVD, as the highlight reel will unfold with Dennis Leary commentating it or whatever. And before the 4-2 lead, before they get to that as the highlight reel will unfold with, you know, Dennis Leary commentating it or whatever. And, and before the four, two leads, before they get to that part,

the noogie and the hit will be shown. I mean, a hundred percent, a hundred percent. I don't think of it. I mean, I don't watch the DVD. Obviously I think of it in terms of the blog storyline.

And I've been saying, you know, rigs all of a sudden, a matter of months ago, joins barstool radio. It becomes Dave's co-host and now they're in the finals together sitting next to each other doing radio together the stars aligned over there they get on the jumbotron and gets a noogie the stars align there something like Krug with the helmet off and the hit it's just it's it's not it's the reverse of what you're looking at you're looking at how it's going to be a cool moment on your DVD.

I'm looking at the moments I'm going to, like, agonize over. And it's like, yep, pinpointed it. That's the one. It's like when I know when to console the Mets. It's like, yep, that's the sign. This shit is over. I know exactly when it's happening with Boston. I know exactly the plays that the Patriots, like, when it's third and ten

and they convert, oh, there's a penalty. Now it's third and 15. They still convert anyway. Things like that. I'm that, Oh, there's a penalty. Now it's certain 15. They still convert anyway, things like that. I'm like, yup, that's it. This game is over.

And I'm telling you right now, not only is this series over, it's probably going to be a sweep. I look, I, I said five before the series started. I might be knocking the game off. I said,

because, because the storyline that Dave will be able to rub in YP and rigs. His face is, it took you 50 years to get back here, and you still didn't win a game. Like, you've only been twice, and you never won a game, and that's the storyline that we're going to continue with here. The other storyline will be,

the Brewers are still, right now, undefeated since the Columbus Blue Jackets mascot went at Dave. And it's like... See, you can't come with the king. I hate to admit it. I hate to give him credit. But, you know, you come with the king, you best not miss.

And the stinger missed. And Riggs is missing. YP's... I mean, we said, YP, your allegiance will be tested. And it happened immediately. And he was like, it won't happen. I don't know what you're talking about.

It's not going to happen. It happened immediately. And was like it won't happen i don't know what you're talking about it's not gonna happen it happened immediately and he failed the test and look i i get i don't want to offend yp but i get it like if you look if you watch that video uh i don't flinch i have no idea what's happening because i i was kind of just you know in between it was in between whistles where i was just like you know kind of focused on the game i don't i don't move a muscle. I have no idea what's happening. I'm not even looking at the jet boat, John. I'm kind of just staring at the ice.

Yeah. I'm sure the same thing happened to YP. Yep. But when the optics happen like that. Not good. And, John, just the things to align the way they did. If the camera is to the left of Dave, none of this happens. It's to the right of Riggs.

So he turns his back. It's just like all the brakes go his way. And the optics, the visual of it all is, is not good. Speaking of visual, if you want a visual of this podcast, go to barstoolgold.com slash KFC.

We had, I had Dan in here. We did a little Clancy and the cat barstool gold. So there'll be an extra episode of that. And Dan walked in here and he was like nice fucking studio like this is what happens when you answer emails so Dan was feeling the aesthetic of the KFC radio studio if you want to take a look

this is my first time really seeing it from this angle it's quite nice it is it really came out nice and it's rounding together with the wall of fame we got the mannequins in effect so go to barstoolgold.com slash KFC not only can you watch this episode but you can also watch Clancy and the Cat. We did a couple voicemails with Dan.

We talked about fatherhood. We talked about the latest in-office beef, the whole nine. I hear that there is some – you said you had a story. It's basically breaking news. It was happening as you logged on to Skype. So it's Johnny Story Hour brought to you by Postmates. You get anything Postmates. You get anything Postmates up there, bud? Where are you right now?

You in a hotel? You know what's actually shocking? When we go on trips, you get so busy. I don't think I've eaten since Sunday. Yeah. You're just doing stuff. It's Wednesday, John. You should eat, man. That's going to get dangerous. You should Postmates yourself a nice little meal right

now. Go to Postmates. Use the promo code KFC. You get $100 off your delivery charge. Now, someone like John, if I know him, he's going to Postmates himself a meal, which will consist of a pack of Sour Patch Kids, a tin, and a bottle of water. That is probably breakfast, lunch, and dinner all rolled into one, and it will all get delivered because you can use Postmates to deliver from the corner store, 7-Eleven, the pharmacy, the grocery store, the bar, the restaurant, whatever it is.

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By the way, if I mean, sometimes we just do things at Barcelona so backwards. Like the hotel I'm staying at right now is in the shadow of Fenway Park. When we came up here to cover the World Series, the hotel I stayed at was in the shadow of P.D. Garden. They make no goddamn sense. Classic. Classic. That's the way things have fallen this time.

But so, you know, like when you're in a hotel, sometimes they, you know, they clean your room. And no one's ever wanted to clean my room as badly as they wanted to clean my room today. It's there. There should be a rule where you can't you can't come knocking before 10 a.m. Right. Oh, absolutely. 10. Yeah.

Eight o'clock this morning. Knocking on the door. Like room service, room service. And I was like, yeah, I didn't get out of bed. I was like, no, just screaming from bed. I mean, 8 a.m. for John might as well be like 2 a.m. Like that is, that's when John usually goes to sleep. It was, I mean, it was, that's exactly when it was.

I probably went to bed at 4 a.m. last night. Right. And 8 o'clock, just room service, like absolutely not. Then I'm getting in the shower today I'd gone out, this is a different thing altogether, but it's impossible to find hockey equipment in urban areas they don't play much of it

it's insane I couldn't even find a hockey stick mostly if I was in Jersey, that's a different story altogether but I came home and I was showering and they opened the door as I was walking around naked home and i was showering and they opened the door as i was walking around naked and i was like nope i kind of like almost like rushed to slam the door shut i was like no no no no no thank you all good because you got your little peach out

and then i went again looking at a different story good story today and i got home at like three o'clock got back to i'm sorry like 2 30 back to the hotel. And there's a knock on the door, and I open it, because I just happened to be standing there fully clothed this time. And it was the cleaning lady again. And she's like, turn down, turn down service. And I was like, it's okay. And I guess what she just heard was okay. I guess it got lost in translation.

She just barged in on you? Barged in. Starts cleaning the room. Kevin, I'm just sitting here. I room. Kevin, I'm just sitting here. I tweeted a picture. I'm just sitting here. This lady's cleaning the hell out of my room. Asking me to move.

Picking up stuff. Picked up $4. Just took it. That belongs to me now? It was just like, you know, I just had loose cash in my wallet that I kind of just threw on the desk when I got in last night and just took that. I mean, just came in, bodied me. I mean, I've never been more owned than I got owned. Yeah, I mean, listen, I can't think of a more like socially awkward scenario for John than this right here, where a normal person would maybe say like oh no no wait

you misunderstood or you know what maybe another person would just leave the hotel room for like 10 minutes not john well i couldn't you were doing this any other time i would oh right right right yeah we're doing the podcast i can't leave yeah i'm stuck here you could argue i got robbed she came in and took money i mean she cleaned my room but she took money it was you you could argue i was just a victim of of larson you were maybe even you know borderline assaulted that someone was coming into your physical space it was time theft cash theft privacy theft stolen all from me. Privacy theft. Yo,

speaking of... I was like, it's okay, it's okay. I was like, I'm trying to facilitate here. We gotta get you out of here so I can record a podcast. Just make the bed. Honestly, just make the bed and take the towels. That's all they do. Give me a break. Most of the time, they probably don't even do that either.

They just fluff the pillow and just pull the sheets tight a little bit. It's like, wait a minute. That's last night's cum. You didn't fucking change those sheets. Give me a break. What are your thoughts on the white knights of the internet very upset about Barstool Sports being out of power? I have an article open right now

because I haven't really like just been paying attention to my phone too much today because i've been i've been running errands so i haven't seen much of it my two favorite responses was one girl from the athletic said uh do all the women in the crowd need to get harassed by barstool sports first before they can receive a towel and then my personal favorite was who could clarify that the answer is no and then my personal favorite was who could clarify that? The answer is no. And then my personal favorite was who's sponsoring a game. I guess what game five, it would be back in Boston. Who's sponsoring game five,

the Ku Klux Klan. Get the fuck out. I kind of actually liked that one. It's so utterly ridiculous. Like putting us on the level with the Klan being like, well, if the Bruins are going to put Barstool sports on a towel, towel what's next they are going to hand out white hoods in the crowd too it's unbelievable the lengths that people will go to try to fucking bash this it's a rally

we're so lucky as a company because just like stuff like this i mean it not only does it help us as far as promotion and stuff like that but it it like, you know, we kind of like we relish in the idea that we're the bad boys. Yes, the renegade shit. Yeah. No one makes that case for us more than the people who hate us. Let me ask you this. We're losers. And somehow we are still like the boogeyman we're

the monster of the bed that the internet freaks out it doesn't make any goddamn sense i love i love the misogynistic shit like have you ever listened to any of my stories i'm the most whipped little bitch in the world when it comes to women like you women fucking bully us around this entire podcast is me and john being like we'll do whatever girls tell us to do i was cool with it it got bullied by a by a cleaning lady i mean it is it is so far fetched so incorrect let me ask you this question if you could go back in time and stop ko barstool would you absolutely not right i mean it's the best thing that's ever happened, right? That's a great question, but I mean, I think the answer, I'm probably going to ask Dave that on radio today.

I'll credit where it's due. But I think the answer would be an unequivocal no. I mean, I don't think we're the pirate ship without KO Barstool. Now, I wonder if there's an alternate reality where like, what if I just told you that if we didn't have the bad stigma? What if I told you that like Procter & Gamble would have been spending millions with us a year years ago? You know, I don't know. There's some alternate reality where maybe that happens and we're just a regular old vanilla blog. I think I think this is the better future, right?

This is it's so important to who we are yeah and again it's one of those things we're like no one makes you out to appear better than your enemy and it's like our enemy is just fucking killer do you remember when they made the sizzle reel for us it was supposed to be a hit piece but they put the macklemore song which was dope at the time and they just had like hot chicks and like controversy and blackout tour popping up on like a powerpoint slide and it was meant to to knock us and we were like can we use this to like hype our own shit up i i think we straight up use that in sales thanks guys like you made the pitch for us it's unbelievable that and that's the latest like it's gonna be it's so

if they actually ever came with a couple arguments about some of the actual gray areas and some of the things where maybe you can question Barstool sports, it would be so much more effective than just saying we're the KKK. Because that we just laugh at you that you're stupid. The face of your like resistance is stupid and we laugh and it fuels our fire and we just do bigger and better things. So go ahead. Keep calling us fucking, you know, the clan. Keep saying we harass women. Compare us to like goddamn Hitler. Do whatever you want. Somebody today, John, quote tweeted my Embiid tweet from like weeks ago and said, this is why white males murder their classmates. This is why there are school shootings.

What does that even mean? It was like, this is toxic masculinity. Men can't express emotion, and it gets pent up, and they shoot their fucking classmates. I mean, go ahead. Make those claims all goddamn day long from again, a show that's like

the softest, least masculine show in the world we cry at commercials we john likes to wear women's underwear i mean we are so far from toxic masculinity that go ahead with that claim sure whatever it to me also it is it's one of those things where it's like uh um it's it's laziness i think yeah and not in the sense just because it's it's the hot thing like hating barstool always be cool and again i i love that i i hope it always i hope it always stays that way because i think it's very important to us but you know there are so many things where like like i was talking to my dad about it not even

about the controversy just like doing the the towel. He's like, that's a great promo, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, is it? It's just the cool thing. Not until this happens. Can you tell me any other time? I was like, you were game one 24 hours ago, 40 hours ago, whatever it was. Who was the sponsor of that towel? You don't fucking know.

And any company you want, you can trace things back back and be like this is why they're bad. I mean like TD Garden, I mean it's sponsored by a bank. I am sure if you look at TD, they probably have like predatory loans and shit like that. A hundred percent, man. Everything. Like you got like a Nike swoosh on your jersey. There's fucking Vietnamese kids making their sneakers. You've got ESPNs doing the broadcast.

Those guys actually harass women. Like it's crazy how much you get singled out. But you're right. It's like putting Barstool Sports on there doesn't do a goddamn thing until you guys come along. And now it's actually worth every single penny times maybe 100, times maybe 1 a thousand, because now everyone knows you could do it with any, every company is bad. Everything in the world is bad facts. And it,

but it would take not even research. It would take a single Google search for any other company. And it's just, it's just laziness. You don't want to do that. You have the, the appearance of the, the,

the vision that Barstool is bad. So it's bad. And I i and i get it and i don't want that to change i hope you agree i said on radio today like people say all the time just somebody called up and said just listen to one episode and it's like you know what i wouldn't do that if i had my right if someone said just give it one hour of your time or or like you said just do some research not doing any research if i hate something i hate something and so i get it you can continue to do so i will probably let you know through a tweet or through a radio bit that you're wrong but i hope you don't change anything because it is your ignorance that continues to fuel the pirate ship and the whole persona so go right ahead because i can't believe you guys still don't understand that you're making us bigger stronger

better and worse for you yeah i'm not i'm not interested in convincing you we're good no i i appreciate the fact that you hate us i want you to bitch about us think about it i'm not i'm not just like making you a fan of me you're not gonna like me i don't fucking care please keep it and i'd rather you keep hating me than be like that's a difference exactly think about everything else in life you you know you meet a girl at the bar, and what do you do? You try to convince her, like Costanza, like I'm the bad boy, right? Or you walk into work, and it's like, I got to make my presence felt here. I got to be taken seriously.

You're always striving to kind of get that edge, and these guys are just giving it to us. We don't have an edge. We're not edgy. Everything we do is just like, I don't know. We're just like nerds on the internet, and you guys make us out to be edgy and it works you dumb fucks great moves a lot of t-shirts tons of t-shirts and by the way as you say that i'm so happy that you have been in boston the the blues brigade saying well i was trying to sling merch when i was getting noogied

not a single person you are in a a Boston arena up on a screen. No one's like, let me go to store.barstoolsports.com right now and buy a Boris shirt. And I also understand that at that point, you are in scramble mode and you need any spin zone possible. But come on. It's the one, it's the hill they're dying on. It's so bad.

You didn't think we knew we were gonna go viral i was like the only reason you went viral was because of the noogie right if you were just moving a t-shirt up there but it's holding up a t-shirt that's that's nothing's happening right think about their logic like i didn't know the noogie was going on so i couldn't do anything about it but i knew we were gonna go viral because of that so i was showing the merch i mean that it doesn't make any sense, guys. You know what I would have done? I would have said, that fucking sucked.

Like, watch your back, Portnoy, because we're going to get you next game. And that's probably not true, but scrambling around with these spin zones is only making it worse. It's a true, I hate to give him credit, and I hate to cite his own terms, but it's a true mousetrap where the more you squirm,

the tighter it gets. And they weren't prepared, John. They weren't prepared for the three-headed monster. No, they never are. I would be. I would be. I'm just never going to get there. There's never going to be one of my teams versus a Boston team in any sort of final, so I can't do it.

I was saying I would have had everything mapped out and everything ready, and it just goes to waste. They need to consult me. Next team to get to the finals, I'm going to consult, and I'm going to say, here's what you have to be prepared for and be ready to embarrass him and be ready to fuck with him back or at least don't let yourself get clowned. Consult.

We were talking about it on radio where I was like, Dave, you have a bit of a can of worms where like if we get on a jump or try again, I'm liable to just punch YP in the face. A hundred percent. And YP alluded to that. And I thought that was an interesting part of the rundown too. Dave is not a physical guy. Usually you touch him, you punch him in the arm, you fuck with him the way that we're

always punching each other, the way you guys are wrestling. He doesn't like any of that shit. So it is a little bit unfair that Riggs all of a sudden i don't think anybody would really have uh the idea like dave might physically attack me here but now now the precedent has been set so like they put you back up there i expect bloodshed yeah it's just oh i i said i was like dave the next time we're on on the screen Demo John, it might be the red wedding. Don't let just stab him in the stomach. He might just get Caitlin Stark.

Well, I mean, they know it. You started it. I mean, I and then YP kind of alluded to that being like you know you you know shots have been fired and you know i can respond in kind and then dave just plays the trump card he said well you can think about your future yeah i mean we're we're in the lows we're in the lower bowl tonight but i was like look if you if you did that to me you'd end up in the lows i would. I would throw you. That's what's happened.

Yeah, like Riggs said he was like trying to punch him. Like you got to actually land a punch. I mean, that's just it. It can't be just flail. I mean, the flail looks like it would even worse. It would have been better if he just sat there and got noogied. You know, just take it and go. All right, let's get into some voicemails all right fights is gonna bounce he's gotta head over to do radio and keep uh keep

all bruins content rolling we're gonna get into voicemails right now do a little mail time style once again uh voicemails today are brought to you by burrow if you are moving you are upgrading you want a new furniture in your place you want to get yourself a couch fully endorsed by myself and team indoors, barstool indoors. You got to go to Burrow. Burrow is, especially for city living, it's like the easiest, best, most practical furniture you got going. Because it comes in all shapes and sizes fitting all sorts of apartments the legs can be all sorts of different heights they come off they snap on you can get them through doorways and hallways into elevators out of elevators uh it's all different materials so

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$75 discount, all when you go to burrow.com slash KFC. Thanks again to Burrow for supporting the show and let them support you when you're lounging on your couch. Voicemail number one, what do we got? Okay, so with all the Game of Thrones social media critiquing and

hating on, I got a question. What do you think the show or movie is that pre-social media would have gotten hated on the most or critiqued the most if social media existed when it was around?

The first one that came to mind was Titanic with the Jack and Rose plank scene where she doesn't allow him to stay on the thing. Let me know. Jack and Rose, like 25 years after the fact, people still saying,

here's the thing. Was there physical room on the door? Yes. Can two people float on a door? I don't think so. I think if you put two bodies on a door, I don't think one person can float on a door. Like the buoyancy. It would just go underwater. I do think Mythbusters did Yeah. It would just go underwater. Correct.

I do think Mythbusters did it. They proved that you can. And I think they said you could. Completely float? I'm not sure about that. It's like, you know, the whole thing was like, first of all, it's a movie, and they both probably would have froze it up. Yes. But it's like, yeah, it's not a raft where it's like, just because you're on a door,

you're not cold. Right. It's like, you're it's not a raft where it's like, just because you're on a door, you're not cold. Right. You're a little wet either way. And if you put another person on it, even if you're like two inches underwater. Right. But I guess, you know, are you going to sink to the bottom of the ocean the way Jack did? No. Right.

That's what they're saying. But I mean, I think he died. Didn't he die and she floats away and then he froze away. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that would get crushed.

TV wise loss would get annihilated because as bad as Lost was with the theories, imagine if we had theories. How do we know theories? Like LostTheories.com was one, right? I think so. It was like a whole website. But imagine if you just had Reddit. Imagine if you had social media.

Those theories and those Easter eggs and that symbolism and those guesses would have been times a billion. So our hype for them would have been times a billion and our those guesses would have been times a billion. So our hype for them would have been times a billion and our letdown would have been times a billion. I mean, I think Game of Thrones was so similar to Lost in that there was all these things teased and hinted at, but then they just decided to not address them at all. And like the argument for realism, like, you know, what is it? Daenerys could have just gone crazy.

I'm like, I agree. I get it but like when you when you tease Azor Ahai and you tease all these other storylines and prophecies and you know and you make such a big deal of the Targaryen lineage and then it was just like okay and then a dictator goes crazy I'm like yeah it's real but why did you tease all that

other stuff Lost was 99% tease all for that golden river then they were like the river and they were like people die at the end i wonder do you think if we went back i know i still die at the end like do you think maybe we would have maybe it wouldn't be as bad i think i the only way because i even have come around like maybe five percent on it i don't even remember to be like i couldn't really tell you the whole last season with the church where it was like right they're dead well the whole last season because they they always did flat first they did flashbacks the first three i've heard this so so

my guy tom mckenna on twitter i've been tweeting with him for 10 years now he's a lost stan he says the the main problem was the flash sideways and that if you just take that out if you like don't think about that right that everything else is gravy right because the the whole last season was a flash side like all the cutaways it's like they were wrapping up what was happening on the island and that was a little weird because of the like golden river and yeah and that was that was in like the present wing was like the mother of was that in the past that was like the man in black like back in the past right right right but so they're wrapping that up they're talking it's like on island stuff but then the like you know 50 percent of time because it was always like a flash forward or flashback so good and it was all a flash to

like something else that you couldn't figure out what was going on because it was all it was like it almost i think it seemed like it was like reincarnated because you were like kate was in like a place you're like where this doesn't make any sense why is she there and and they didn't people were seeing each other but not recognizing each other so you were like totally clueless and like just what that was was the afterlife and it was like ah man that makes it tough like that i get it maybe this is your idea of heaven i mean i mean that was another like everyone guessed bran right away everyone guessed like purgatory pretty fucking quickly and that's basically what it was right i think uh i mean after the plane crash they were like everybody's dead right but. Everyone guessed like Purgatory pretty fucking quickly. And that's basically what it was, right? I think, I mean, after the plane crash, they were like, everybody's dead.

Right. So they guessed it earlier than it was because the whole stuff on the island was real. Like they didn't die in that first plane crash. Right. But they eventually were dead. The end result was like, yes, what everybody guessed. I mean, it's just tough because Faraday and Desmond

and the Constant and Penny is like the best storyline and best writing and best scenes ever. And it's like if they just could have left that alone somehow or just focused on that, it would have been the best. It was weird because they kind of pulled off going back in time. Like that wasn't that bad when like half of them were like in the 70s. And that's tough. That was a weird thing. Like that wasn't that bad when like half of them were like in the 70s. Yeah. And that's tough. Like that's usually that's like, all right, come on, whatever. And then like who was the guy that could just like hear dead people like, you know, or like spirits that were around. And like, but that just didn't really matter all that much.

I remember Walt's not mattering drove me crazy. Right, right, right. He could. Yeah. He had some kind of like sixth sense. He was like super powerful. He was like their brand. It was like the kid's going to matter. And then. Right. And John Locke was dead for like ever. Right. I could, yeah, he had some kind of like sixth sense. He was like super powerful. He was like their brand. It was like the kid's going to matter.

And then John Locke was dead for like ever, right? I mean, that was crazy. Well, yeah, like two and a half seasons of when you finally realize that John Locke isn't John Locke. He's been dead the whole time. Right. He's the man in black, actually. I just had such great moments. I mean, I would be insufferable people

don't like my game of thrones shit i mean that that like that hurt me i think ken jack said like he thinks that game of thrones will be the ending will be looked on more fondly with time like lost i'm like there are people that look at lost and say lost hurt my feelings lost hurt me as a person i was like how could you do this to me game of thrones i almost like enjoyed like this fucking stinks lost like ruined me yeah well i mean like remember the um like colossus like the giant statue and it and like eventually we see like way back in time when it's not just a foot yeah okay great and then the flash sideways that foot is underwater that is not reality.

Like they tease that. And at the end of season one of the – the end of episode one of – The final season. The final season, whatever that was. They show you underwater. But it's like that was like – that's heaven. That's like the afterlife. That doesn't matter, that thing.

That's all fantasy. And again, you're teasing more things's all yeah fantasy and again you're teasing more things right time you're not and that's what i just don't get about game of thrones when people say oh you want it to be the theory that you had the theory that they planted just not i don't think it's good storytelling to tease a bunch of stuff and i didn't completely come up with it they told me about a prophecy and then they just didn't do the prophecy in lost early on there was a bird that was saying hurley's name right he heard hurley that was nothing but was that just to convey that like hurley was like kind of mentally crazy i like it could be something

like that but it's like but again that's not as good as like a creative storyline and i think then you have to like firm that up like okay that he's he's crazy i mean i guess you're right like you could you could piece things together and be like oh that was nothing but if you re-watch it you're like oh that didn't mean anything that didn't mean anything that's what hooked me by the way i my friend uh she was watching lost she told me to get into it and i was like i don't know about this shit it's kind of weird and the episode where hurley and libby end up in the in the insane asylum together at the end that was like the twist i was like okay i can fuck with this do you know that like there's like a theory that um libby and anna lucia were killed off as

punishment because they got busted for drunk driving because they kind of died like super i remember i remember michelle rodriguez yeah yeah yeah and uh because the episode there they die is called two for the road huh and like that means something else in the storyline but it was like two the fuck out of here and then of course shout out to nicky and paulo could you imagine the nicky and paulo episode oh god imagine what happened with that got murdered then remember the fly like with breaking bad how disgust that was nicky and paulo was the fly but with none of like the art yeah i don't even know where the rage was i guess like twitter was around by then right i think it started i think lost started in 2004 so i think by like nikki and paolo just like getting killed by a spider on the beach or whatever it was like these this is like we got to get rid of these sanity dude so loss

would be my number one i'm sure uh like was was indiana jones like the reboot that sucked oh i mean the star wars reboots would have got crushed right jar jar banks episode one the pod racing yeah i mean again these are all things that still get crushed it's like the stuff that got crushed i don't know just like in people talking to each other like before social media when people were like like in 1999 when we were hyped for star wars and then we were like yo that sucked yeah big time sucked and by the way john snow checking into rehab come on man go fuck yourself like i you know what i get it it's stressful like if they're on location it's all that shit but that's that's called going on vacation after you have a long you know like every every february i usually try to something after the Superbowl because it's like the end of a long road.

We're on the road. We're traveling. We've been doing a ton of content. I'm going to take a little break. I don't go to fucking rehab. Okay. Did he go after filming or he's gone now since like the release? Yeah.

That's the other thing. I don't know. It's like, maybe, can you not handle the online hate? He said, he's like, I feel nothing but pride for going to get help.

I'm like, again, these are things that always undermine people with real problems. Like the guy who's like, you know, dying in rehab. And it's like, oh, you know, I'm here at like celebrity rehab because my job was stressful. Like, come on, man. You know, I know just because you're famous, trust me, more money, more problems is a real thing. Getting a lot of notoriety and fame can definitely take its toll. I'm not saying that you have to just be like happy all the time but just you know let's if you can spin optics i mean like yeah rehab are problematic i would try and control the story a little bit better it wasn't rehab i needed and maybe that maybe maybe he never said

that maybe that's the internet doing its thing but you need to control that a little bit better and say like i needed a break after game of thrones fine done don't tell me you're in goddamn rehab do you think like old shows like this just popped in my head because um there's everybody tells a story about like mash and how like the final um episode like 85 percent of country watched yeah everybody watched everything i wonder if like all those shows... What about the Seinfeld finale? Getting Crushed? Yeah, how do you think social media would handle that? Yeah, social media would not have liked that one.

How about Sopranos? The cut to black? That would have been, I don't know, good or bad, but it would have been a motherfucking moment. I mean, was that... Social media must have been... Maybe like the infancy, but I was watching that at home with mom.

I just feel like there was a reaction somewhere. Because I just remember hearing everybody say I thought my cable went out. Where was I hearing them say that? June 10, 2007. There was. Twitter existed. But nobody was using it. But I was on for sure not by then probably.

And like, so blogs were like a thing. Facebook was a thing, you know, that kind of stuff. It was just the internet. The internet was still a thing, but it was like,

we didn't have the, everybody didn't have a voice. Uh, yeah. KFC fights, super Nintendo BC. So I got asked a random question today and I thought it was fucking awesome. I like that. So if you could only jerk off

to one regular ass movie, what would you pick? Wild Things. I feel like the normal answer is Wild Things, like that three-way scene or whatever, but I feel like that's too easy. So my selection is Monsters Ball,

where fucking Billy Bob Thornton's just railing out fucking Halle Berry. She gets smashed. Is there a better answer? Because I don't think there is. What movie are you... Okay, here's the thing. Wild Things is a better answer. If you want to just say this is like LeBron James should win the MVP every year but we gotta switch it up, fine. Cool, I get that. But the answer

is Wild Things. Monsters Ball is great because Halle Berry takes that shit from behind. I'm pretty sure they just had sex. It seems like. Right. And I think they were like were like almost rumored as like an item or something at that point. I think that there was just pull blown penetration on that. Let me think.

Species is a great one. You get some weird kinky alien sex in there. That was right up there with wild things for me. Species was the first the first uh i have a for sure not blog about it like species when you're growing up as a child as a boy let's say stereotypically speaking it's 2019 i guess girls can grow up this way now too uh your life consists of things such as ninjas cowboys and aliens and then you hit like i don't know 12 13 and your life turns almost completely to tits and ass and sex and right at that age for me was species which took aliens

and sex and smashed it together it was by far the most important development of my lifetime. Cowboys and ninjas is really great because that's all my son at three years old can think about. Maybe like some dinosaurs, like trucks, all that stereotypical shit. But as far as astronauts, like as far as the person you can be, it's like cowboy, Indian, astronaut, alien. Like done, you know? Ninja. And then they just took that and they turned it into like porno you know what i mean so like that was an important one with like uh with like tentacle shit going down i was that was stuff i didn't even i didn't even know was goddamn possible how about um unfaithful yeah when she when she's on metro north i think she fingers herself on metro north right

but when they at one point they fuck and i think she like needs to like lick her hand like that's some real shit like we're doing this too quick i'm a little too dry like that is some wild shit and it's diane lane doing it like diane lane man she threw down an extreme actress and i know this is not true but but in my mind, that dude is Manuel Ferrara. Like, right? He looks like it. He talks like him. He has the accent.

That's probably the reason they cast him. Yeah. Or maybe that's the reason Manuel Ferrara has become what he's become. That guy, I mean, remember Kids? Oh, yeah. Kids was fucked. Kids was problematic. I did not understand that we were talking about the spread of AIDS, right? That girl gets raped in the end, and he doesn't know she's hiv positive or vice versa yeah that shit was fucked and that was like real right wasn't that the whole thing that like

or was that was that just like a blair witch type of thing like yeah filmed in a way that made it look real i thought there was something where like a lot of that shit was real i feel like it was the blair witch case where you were like that's what everybody was talking about like is this real because that that one i remember like sneaking you know we had like a vhs tape and i was like i gotta like sneak around and watch this how do you think blair witch would hold up to social media if that would drop now i think i think half of it was the the question of like is this real and it's just like nope nope like instantly like saved you a click yeah i mean that was real the blair witch project should be like a harvard business school study because it was like the last it had to be the absolute last moment in humanity where we would have got duped for that

like what are you talking about it's a movie in the theaters well i remember dad watching it and like as the credits rolled he was like who are all these people the director the producer there's a cast of a movie special effects like it's a movie guys remember they would always say like uh it only took sixty thousand dollars to make and some comedians it was like there's somebody walking around with fifty nine thousand dollars like what are you talking about it this this is a camcorder yeah a tent yeah it should have not cost that at all i mean it was cool it was it was like you at all i mean it was cool it was it was like you know uh well done it was probably one of the first viral marketing campaigns like ever uh the movie i mean i remember being creeped out a little bit

oh i yeah i thought i mean maybe it was like the age too like it was a little bit younger it was like a scary witch movie but i i think we all pretty much realized it was not real we're from like the city like the woods are scary yeah definitely like he things go bump in the night you're like sticks cracking in the woods ah yeah like my wife has been trying to get me to go camping for like 15 years no people there's there's witches out there there's something there's it's creepiness oh yeah i mean i believe in all that stuff at times like i mean that my house was haunted so i'll believe any of it now at this point but that that shot with that girl's nose with the snot coming out, they redid it in Scary Movie and all that shit,

that would have been memed like a motherfucker, some of those shots. In the final scene, spoiler alert, when the guy is standing in the corner and the camera falls, and that was how the Blair Witch killed the kids, that was cool. Yeah. Has there ever been what the Blair Witch was supposed to look like? Can you Google that? Is there a physical representation what the Blair Witch was supposed to look like can you like google that it's like a physical representation I think they probably described it somewhere but getting lost in the woods though scary so when they like one of the scariest parts

was like when they they lost the map and then they keep walking and then they like stumble upon something that they've already yeah like back in the same spot we've been walking in a straight line and he like snaps the sticks and the the've been walking in a straight line. And he like snaps. The sticks and the rocks are like in a circle. And what did they, because cell phones are around. That was very True Detective-esque. I think they just didn't have service or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which actually was probably believable at that point. It was very True Detective-esque where it was just like pagan things and symbols and all sorts of shit. Yeah, what were those, dream catchers or something? Yeah. True Detective that they were making?

That shit turns very, remember True Lies when Jamie Lee Curtis strip teases? That one got me going doc holiday was the first uh michael j fox movie it was just a chick coming out of the lake with her tits out that was the first tits i've ever seen in my life uh what was another one uh starship troopers also shout out to denise richards her tits were out in that that was more of like shower scenes uh basic instinct when when she flashes that cooch. How did they get away with that? It was too early. There's her clit. There's Sharon Stone's clit.

Let me know if Dad does that. Is that what it looked like? The whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues was a good one. Boogie Nights probably is up there. I don't think I ever saw ever saw i think that was more about marky mark's hog right yeah show girls was a big one nc-17 on that rating which is in the jacuzzi yeah oh yeah she put ice on her nipples like the rotation electrified yeah that was incredible

that that was that was a moment nc-17 had the people buzzing. Why just slap an NC-17 on for no reason? Do it today. Do what you got to do purposely to get an NC-17 because that will move the goddamn needle. Nine and a Half Weeks was the one from the 80s that everyone talked about, right? Kim Basinger, I think. Yeah, I don't think I ever saw that.

There was also a couple movies that I always saw at Blockbuster. There was one called, it was like Jade, I think. And there was like Jade 2, Jade 3. Alyssa like there was one called like Jade I think. And there was like Jade 2, Jade 3. Like Alyssa Milano was in it. Poison Ivy. That was it. There was another one too that was either Jade or Sage or something like that. And they were always like

in the movie like you could rent them so they weren't that bad but it was under some sort of like separate room basically like behind the curtain. And it was like yeah there's some kinky shit going on here you ever see uh brown bunny no brown bunny is uh chloe savini i think is that i mean she sucks a dick in real life yeah yeah i i mean i know of those movies where like they just went and did it for real yeah like those are all relatively new right yeah i mean that's like

porn hub like it's some people have said that it might be a prosthetic. But still, she's like sucking on a dick of some... Yeah, even if you're simulating it, it's like there's something in your mouth going down your throat. That's fucking aggressive. Let me know what the new ones are. I'm sure there's new age shit.

See, that was the thing, though. Back then, there was so much porn. I've just rattled off like 30 off the top of my head because that's all we had for a long time. So I don't even know if you new kids are worried about it. But, yeah, let me know. Best sex scenes of all time. Weigh in at KFC Radio on Twitter.

So KFC Fight, Super Producer BC. So I'm out at a bar with a friend the other weekend. And we're outside sitting at a table. And at the other end of the table, it's probably an eight-person table, four absolute smoke shows just sit down at the other end. And I might as well have not been able to repeat my name. It's probably the most intimidating thing I've ever felt in the past year. I looked at my buddy, same look on his face. Absolutely

nothing coming to mind. So my question for you guys is, how much more intimidating is it for a group of girls to approach you unwillingly than you to approach a group of girls? Thanks. Wait, they're approaching you unwillingly? Yeah, I don't know That doesn't make sense So, they come over to you Is what you're saying, and you're so taken aback

That it's more intimidating It sounded at first like they just sat down Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they Right, they're not there for you It's like a picnic table or one of those big shared tables They're just kind of grabbing a corner But I guess it's like If you weren't intimidated

and a group of people sat down next to you, you'd just be like, what's up? Hey, man. Oh, yeah. You having beers? Okay, cool. You can look at it two ways. You can look at it as like, you know,

they're not going to come over and sit down with us if they think we're like horrendous or like they are so completely and utterly unthreatened by us and we are so unassuming that it's like they're sitting down this is like lena dunham lena dunham and uh and odell yeah yeah there's no communication can possibly right right there's just no worry about anything sexual happening here um but i think that you at least are in position to shoot a shot like i i almost think that's a spot are in position to shoot a shot. Like,

I almost think that's the spot where you don't even need a line or whatever. You can just like say hi, but that's probably why he like is, is like embarrassed about this because he, he couldn't say he's just by like somebody. Yeah. I mean, but it is,

you know, it sounds like if they're super hot and they sit down, you're not expecting it. That's the thing about when you're going over, when you go over to talk to a girl, I don't even know if this happens anymore. Cause everything is on hinge and dating apps and you're not expecting it that's the thing about when you're going over when you go over to talk to a girl i don't even know if this happens anymore because everything is on hinge and dating apps and you do a ton of everybody at the bar is just looking at their phone and they and you know it's coming and you you know this girl at least or this guy at least wants to see

you on some level you know but when it used to be like go over there it took like 45 minutes you know i'm gonna go no i'm not you start to make the walk and then you go to the bathroom and then you come back and it's like hey did you say feel off you do it's like and you see your buddy going and then you just see and he peels off and then he's like yeah you know what we got close we got close it's like you're driving on the highway you just get off right at the exit right before last exit before the bridge like let me just get off before i actually have to talk to this girl and then you do that two or three times and then the last time by the time you're drunk you know you come over and you say something stupid and put your foot in your mouth. But you did it and you feel accomplished.

And she probably knows this the entire time. And she's like, he's coming over. He's coming over. Nope, he left. He peeled off. Yeah, he peeled off. And they're probably having the same conversation. Absolutely.

He's going to peel off. And they're like, it's too early. He's peeling. He's peeling. I love to think of the mirror image of like this world. I always think about and maybe it kind of exists with the girls we fuck podcast i always thought that there's like a female ksc radio out there having the same conversations we're having just reversed where it's like you know i went sat down at this picnic table with these guys and they didn't say anything to me like is it me am i ugly

am i fat like what you know what i mean and it's like god damn we're just middle school all over again if we all just said like hi probably everybody would be happy it must be weird being like uh you know quote unquote hot girl and if you don't get approached you know like i think sometimes the cliche like you know i i don't get approached at all the bar like i don't know and it's like well maybe you're too hot or some shit like that there's probably some truth to that but but that must be weird if like it was like four hot girls all sit down next to a group of guys and they don't get they must be like be like, what's wrong with these fucks? You can understand. They didn't say a thing.

You can understand where like there's just nothing but miscommunication or girls are upset with men or whatever. And we're always the ones like, you know how hard it is for us to walk over to you? And it's like, well, do you know how hard it is to feel rejected? And everything, you know, it's a yin to the yang. I don't know. I mean, I guess the move there, because i'm just thinking in this situation this sounds like a beer hall or an outdoor um pier of some sort where i don't know you have like a pitcher of beer and you can like pour him a beer or something but i don't know nowadays like give

a girl a beer and it's like well don't fucking rape me you know it's like i don't know what the rules are anymore but it's always it always seemed easiest to me to just be like hey how can you want a beer like there you go yeah i'm pouring it out for my friends hey would you want one too like done what's tough is that first moment like if you judge yourself as having choked it's a wrap like if a girl comes over and says the most basic thing like hey what's going on can you pass me that menu or can you get the bartender's attention from me and you're and you're like i should hit on this girl i should compliment her and you don't then you're in your own head for the rest of the night and you can see that on your face too yeah you know what i mean and you can see on her face that

she sees on your face yes and then it is and then you just got to cut your goddamn losses i i i found with being uh you know mitchell palooza recently re-released into the wild having knowing that i have an interesting stories to tell because of where i work is invaluable because i'm just like i got an like what i do is interesting i know it is and like i like 99 people are saying i work in finance exactly and it's like you don't have to say that yes and like they're or they're coming up you know I know it is. And 99 out of 100 people are saying I work in finance. Exactly. And you just don't have to say that. Yes. Or they're coming up.

We used to lie to girls on purpose because it was like, I'm not interesting enough. My day-to-day is not going to interest you. And it's just like, I don't know. Hey, do you watch that TV show? That girl was in the office yesterday. It's just so much easier when you have what at least people perceive to be interesting. Because then you can at least get their ear for a second. You know what I mean?

Yeah, like if anybody says anything about a celebrity you've interviewed and you're just like, oh, yeah, that guy's such an asshole. And you're like, he's not. That's all you got to say. And they're like, what? Yeah, they just want to hear more. And maybe that doesn't mean they're going to hook up with you or they're falling in love with you, want to date you, give you their number.

But it's at least going to buy you a little more of a back and forth. What do you say if somebody asks what you do? Do you assume they know barstool sports and you just say i work at bar nah i never do that because oh um i see what you mean um i i say i'm a radio host because that saying i'm a blogger used to not that was interesting too but it was almost like what you get paid for that right and it was like well let me tell you actually so it wasn't like an impressed thing but it was like uh again i'm gonna at least we're gonna have a couple back and forths here and i'm when i actually in a way that used to work like yeah it's my full-time job and they'd be like what and then they kind of feel stupid or you know i can kind of now i just say

radio host and they say where and you know from there and then you know they get probably they slap me in the face because they think i'm like misogynistic or something who knows please don't rape me again a lot of that going on all right final voicemail of the day is brought to you by blowfish we just talked about this last episode hangovers are crippling people uh the amount of people i got chiming in saying why do your legs hurt i didn't think that was really i thought that was just me i didn't know that was a thing i thought you were just me. I didn't know that was a thing. I thought you were lying. Now I'm 27 and I'm feeling it. Everyone has some hangover routine

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So basically I have a job that like requires me to work a lot of late nights. And, okay, that makes it sound like I'm a prostitute, but no, I'm just an attorney. Just wanted to clarify. But anyway, so sometimes when I'm sexting my man, I'm at work. And when we're sexting, I'll maybe want to send a nude, but it was like clearly taken beforehand or on another day,

like at my apartment or something. So does that take away the mystique or like anything of sending the nude when he knows I'm at work? Is he going to get this and be like okay i know you're not in lingerie in your apartment right now or like you know whatever anyway i mean it does a little bit whether now i mean beggars can't be choosers if we're talking about i'm gonna look at my phone would i rather see a naked picture of my girl or any girl yes so you know if you got one in the can this is pre pre-planned sexting all good but yeah it definitely makes it a little more like

you know i know that you're sitting there on excel not actually you know this is like a classic what are you wearing and they're sitting there and like you know sweatpants and granny panties being like nothing you know it's like i mean whatever but when i can actually hardcore prove it because i know you're sitting there doing like paralegal work it's like well you know i feel like if you've pre-taken a few pictures for me that's also cool i was gonna say you're pretty that that's pretty you know you are me and our like sexual needs at the top of your mind a-okay but i also recommend like why don't you sneak off to the bathroom real quick send me the pre-planned ones but also just send me a quick like ass shot in the bathroom and be like and when i get home later this is what i'm gonna do or when i can't wait to get back and wear this

for you or whatever and and keep it keep it real these girls also just need to call the call her daddy line i don't know if they have a line but they probably have much better advice they probably have like a whole like a whole strategy for this yeah i'm sure they're like well just you gotta like photoshop your office into the background and then it looks real and like i i think that that like bathroom work nudes is hot sure under the table you just get like a quick shot you run run to the bathroom. Show a little something. That to me is almost hotter than like a pre-planned one. But a healthy mix of both is officially recommended by me. All right.

Let's get actually the short porch idiots in here. Those fucking the weasel hubs and that moron Tommy. Have the Yankees won 100 games? Probably. I think they just won right now but they had a day game like fuck so we're gonna do a little short porch uh we gotta believe there's like 10 new people i have to hate geo urshula like cairo the egyptian cairo guy fuck him uh we'll do a little baseball talk here brought to you by to John. Tommy John, the most comfortable underwear in the world. Anytime you got yourself

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him into the modern day wearing some comfortable boxer briefs uh it make your mom happy and now we're getting weird with it just go to tommyjohn.com code kfc 20 off and you will guarantee shipment by father's day the short Short Porch boys are here. Weasel Hubs, the idiot Tommy. I take it you just won another ballgame. 7-0. Four at the Padres. Chris Paddock absolutely shilled.

Oh, wow. Fuck. He looked legitimately shocked for the first time he's been pitching. Like, wow. I got hit. Fuck. Well, as much as I hate the fucking Yankees, I get about half a percent of enjoyment

out of that yeah yeah like i will always root against the yankees no matter what but chris paddock is he is a cocksucker your goomba hit a hit a homerun off of uh geo hit another homer yeah i mean geo you got you got one guy who looks like a goomba you got one guy named geo what the fuck is going on he's really columbian he's not italian if he was italian named geo i'd be like okay you really have something here. What was your record now? Uh, 36 and 19. You've got any Dodgers?

It's like, uh, they're very similar after the, exactly the same. Yeah. They're worse than twins. And I report that the twins, I mean,

it's baseball. I get shit on for that. I said they were like the fakest record of all time. And people just tweet their stats. No one is scared of the Minnesota. No, like they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're the team that like will be there and they'll absolutely lose in the ds we have 800 winning percentage against them in the last like 15 years especially the

yankee fans definitely shouldn't be afraid of them but anybody they're they're they're like the like when the atlanta hawks always made the playoff right it's like but you're gonna lose every single time yeah you're the fucking and you'll have to go through the Bronx, and you'll never win there. Fuck you guys. What? I mean, what the fuck? Yankees are just – this is a real annoying year to be a Yankee hitter. Because this one doesn't make any sense. But I do have hope that – I do believe baseball is a stupid sport to the sense that like, you know, Aaron Judge comes back in the lineup and Stanton gets back in the lineup and these guys all come back and the strikeouts start piling up again.

And you actually fuck with your mojo a little bit. Now, you know, over the course of the long run, like you're fine, but I could just see a scenario where it is like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it for a little while. I get that. But Judge is going to be replacing like Brett Gardner. Like, like i mean like that's he that's going to be better it's junk carl stanton is going to be playing again like but you know what i mean just like stupid things where it's like you know these guys put the ball in play and these guys don't but those guys are getting booed a lot yeah it's gonna be a weird one's coming up now i'm putting the ball in play making contact he's gonna strike out in a big spot with like a runner on third and one out and people are going to be like fuck you i also don't know i don't know

if he's coming back i've really i have hesitance like judge is gonna i think make it back at this point before drunk so he had a bicep injury which then got healed then he had a shoulder injury which is apparently healed now and then all of a sudden he was in the minor leagues and he took a ball off the calf and strained his calf and had to be shut down for two weeks. That's just, I mean, that's just not how you strain your calf. Are we,

are we thinking that maybe there was a non horse injury in a ranch somewhere? It is. I said it was the way they're handling it is Mets. Like, yeah, it does feel that way. We're just one another. We're usually one injury.

Then you come back. Yeah. So he would be the guy that would maybe fuck all this up. Like Moser wise. And obviously last year, like the playoffs that would maybe fuck all this up like Moser-wise and obviously last year like the playoffs were a disaster for him. But like guys like

Gio Urshela, he's not going anywhere because Andahar's out for the year. So like he's here. DJ LeMay who is going to play every day. That was a good pick up.

He's like probably the best pick up of like the offseason at this point. Yeah, he's really good. He's one of those pests. Yeah, I mean your Goomba is going to stay in there

and his OBP is still going to be 380 forever. That guy, he is the worst. He had a triple today too. He is. And then, yeah, I mean, your Goomba's going to stay in there, and his OBP's still going to be 380 forever. He is the worst. He had a triple today, too. He is the worst. But don't you almost like him because you hate him so much? Nope.

I hate that guy so much. And who else do I hate? Let me try to think. Gary. Oh, yeah. I was like, I know there was one on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah. That's the guy. I fucking hate that fat slob.

Guess who has more homers than him in the American League this year? Nobody. Not one person. But he's still a fat slob. He's our fat slob. And if that's what being fat does for you, 17 homers, and he's on pace right now to set the catcher's homerun record. Deirdre or whatever has fucking 17 home

runs i'm not impressed with 17 in this era yeah well gary's missed like what three weeks yeah he has he would be on pace for 74 if you don't think if you don't think that gary sanchez is on steroids you don't know let's just keep coming out with excuses no but i mean that i mean i'm not i'm not joking now like that was a guy who was like sloppy and out of shape and didn't try before that injury didn't have stamina all that shit and now he's just gonna hit he's always but before that he had um 150 games where he hit 54 home runs and i know i know but he's cheating yeah we've never cheated no no never cheated what i need cc to just die oh i gotta get rid of him nice i need luke void to get hit by bus. I don't even know if it would do

anything. That fat goomba. What about Domingo Herman? How you almost had him a couple years ago. 2017. What was that trade? You were like, we want to cash, right? Yeah. He had three million on his contract. We only wanted to pay like half. And the Mets were like,

no, no, no. It's not enough. We were like, oh, we'll give you this shiny new prospect, Domingo Herman. He's from the Marlins, maybe. And they're like, no, no, no, it's not enough. We were like, oh, we'll give you this shiny new prospect, Domingo Harmon. You know, he's from the Marlins maybe. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just give us the money. And they're like, no. And that probably went right to Jeff Wilpon and like his country club or some fucking bullshit like that.

Yep. And Domingo Harmon has nine wins now. And Jared Kalanick is for sure the next Mike Trout. The kid that he's in the Mariners just now. Yeah, for Cano. I've never been more positive of a prospect. What's he doing? Is he killing it? Murdering it. Really? The report just

yesterday was that he's a once-in-a-decade prospect. What? I haven't even heard this yet. Are you keeping this quiet? No, I'm fucking screaming it from the mountaintops, bro. As of maybe several four or five days ago he reached base in 43 or 48 games a season oh he is like and the pitcher there was a pitcher too right in that tree yeah i think he's also like i mean i was chef but he's oh done yeah

done he's supposed to be good he's gonna be good too i'm sure and you got a cano for that but here's the thing you guys are in one now here's yeah we're pushing our chips into the middle yeah the thing is like jared kalenic was gonna be bad on the mets oh yeah so like you can't it's it's like uh it's like when you're watching a movie and there's time travel and there's rules to it yeah it's like you can't do this because then that affects this timeline over here like that yeah there's there's a there's a there's or there almost is no butterfly effect it's like if you're on the mets you're bad and if you leave you're good and that's that's it doesn't matter what happens in the space-time continuum here you put on that uniform like edmund diaz he's just not good anymore i am a little bit not good pete alonso is very good he's your something will

happen i'm waiting for the other shoot of course yeah i mean like he's gonna get like he's gonna lose a leg or something like that i just love how last year it was just like, he's not ready, he's not ready, so we're not going to call him up last year. That's one of the few things I will have no problem giving Brody Van Wagen full credit for is they lost a year of control 10 years from now that people are up in arms about. Oh, right. Calling him to start the year.

Yeah, they didn't worry about service time. They called him up. Everything else that Brody did that everyone was sucking his dick for makes no sense now. Hey, you guys are 27-27. You're trying. What's funny is if they finished the year 500, that would be a natural progression.

You guys stunk. Now you've got a couple prospects. They're panning out. You broke 500. But the problem is when you do that, coinciding with a $140 million contract to De grom and your pitching staff is pretty much win now and cesspit is supposed to come back like they are firmly one foot in rebuild mode one foot in win now mode which is the last and worst thing you can do in sports they're in win now mode but can

fall back on like hey we're rebuilding which is perfecton territory. Like, what are you talking about? Alonzo and McNeil are young. We got time. It's like, well, the other fucking all the pitching staff, the windows slamming shut. You dicks like you're about to lose Wheeler and like Cinderguards not that good. And that guy's trash. That guy's just we were so right on him. And then now the whole fan base is pretty much turned on him.

And you know what? It's crazy because some of his numbers still don't make sense. They're like, good. And I'm like, I've never seen it. I don't know how you have a career year. Are you a three something? It makes no sense. If I can get in your head, you're not going to be a good pitcher.

That's a fact. That's pretty much what it comes down to. That's a goddamn fact. If you're letting fucking Hubs. He blocked me. I texted him that once. I remember being like, yo, don't worry about Hub. Let's get back on track here.

Can we just get these guys out? He blocked me when I had less than 1,000 Twitter followers. Such a mental midget. Oh, my God. Matt Harvey 2.0, man. About five of my best friends are Mets fans, and about half of them bet with me. Yankees minus eight games this year, and they were so happy.

They thought it was a lock two weeks in, as all Mets fans do two weeks in. And, I mean, that bet's going to be over by August. I've learned my lesson that the Yankees will always be good. I didn't learn my lesson that the Mets will always two weeks in. Always. And I mean, that bet's going to be over by August. I've learned my lesson that the Yankees will always be good. I didn't learn my lesson that the Mets will always be bad somehow. I mean, I did, but I know it. It's the part of being a fan. You get robbed of this. Yeah, I try to make it last a little

longer. The good thing is, the NL East does stink. It's weird. It's like they stink, but it's competitive at the same time. It's like, I don't know. Yeah, nobody's that. No one's going to run away with it's competitive at the same time. It's like, I don't know. Yeah, nobody's that. No one's going to run away with it, but at the same time, if you're just cleaning your names, it'd be a wrap. Fuck you guys.

All right, I'll let you get to your short porch bullshit. What are you guys, blow each other on that show? Yeah, pretty much. It's just popping champagne figuratively the entire time. You worried about the Red Sox? No. Got them four games this week. That was quick.

They have to turn it on at some point, but it hasn't happened yet. I feel like they've kind of still turned it on. The thing is that they just absolutely failed to address their bullpen, and it is absolutely hilarious. I was talking to Jared about it today. I was like, what do you want them to do? It's like, what do you think? That there's like a closer with electric numbers who's won a World Series

with you a matter of months ago just sitting there available? you what the thing is you can't sign that just fall out of the sky like i i personally don't i like when kimbrough was people talking about the mets getting kimbrough and beggars can't be choosers i guess i would take any help i can get in the bullpen but like every time i've ever watched craig kimbrough it's a fucking collapse oh we want to know we want no part of him and like was like, you know, his numbers through his age 30 season are better than Mariano Rivera. Well, then I don't know.

Numbers lie sometimes because Craig Kimbrell is a tightrope act every single time I've ever watched him. Yeah. So maybe he racks up some of those saves

against shitty teams where he just blows them away. But when it's on the line, it was always like, hold on to your fucking fucking playoffs.

And you give up a run in every single I mean, that that last I think was the clincher. They took him out. I mean, that was finished. That was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Sally. That was unbelievable. I mean, that last, I think it was the clincher. They took him out. I mean, that was He didn't finish the last game, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was unbelievable. I was like, dude, stop this from happening! That's what they're going to have to do. I mean, if he was on my team before they did win the World Series with him, you do need help fucking make it happen. Yeah, and I was talking to Koli about it. I think what they're going to have to do is just

Yuvaldi's going to have to be like their closer when he comes back. And Coley's like, they're floating around the idea of him starting one game and then being the reliever for one game. I'm like, that's not the most Mets fucking thing I've ever heard. That's not what championship teams do.

Yeah, like he would start on Sundays and come in relief on Wednesdays for three innings. I'm like, well, that's a terrible idea. And second of all, you have a problem every game. It's not just like two of the seven games of the week. What about the other five? Yeah, like you're going to be stuck with Ryan Brazierzier's or closer who's just awful that is one of the craziest that is such a mets idea right there yeah i would love for them to do that like man

man we'll show how much nobody nobody more so than the mets just insist on playing people out of position just like don smith you're gonna be the outfield now i'm a first baseman why do you think i'm gonna play yeah daniel murphy they put lucas duda in be the outfield now. I'm a first baseman. Why do you think I can play corner? Yeah. Daniel Murphy. They put Lucas Duda in the goddamn outfield at one point. And I understand someone like Murphy, it's like, your glove sucks. We got to try to find a spot for you. But everybody seems to be like, well, I don't know. Why don't you pitch?

Why don't you catch? Because I'm a second baseman. What do you want me to fucking do here? It's absolute insanity, man. All right, Dix, go do your thing. Lovely. That's it for Cougar's Radio.