KFC Radio - The Worlds Two Biggest Rams Fans are Very Excited For Matthew Stafford Ft. Rude Jude

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

- We won the Super Bowl because we got Ramily - Jacqed Up - Jackie kind of recaps the Super Bowl as well as her horrendous date - Brian Suave listened to our last segment about him and included us in a very long tweet thread - We read Barstool's newest company values list - Girls are out here on twitch sucking things live on camera - the gluten-free community is NOT happy with us - we play MASH - Video Voicemails - Trade God is better than you at Wordle - Best traits from KFC and Feits - Rude Jude Interview including his reasoning for why he's about to go to rehab, how he got bacterial vaginosis, his newest book, and much more ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Super Bowl Recap 34:23 - Jacqed Up Super Bowl/ Her Date 59:40 - Brian Suave Tweets at us 1:05:52 - Barstool's Company Values 1:39:38 - Twitch girls sucking on stuff 1:53:26 - Tommy's Gluten Video 2:01:35 - Cootie Catchers/ MASH 2:20:05 - Video Voicemails 2:34:48- Rude Jude InterviewYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You would give great head, man. This is spitty now. Does it look like that after it's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We won one, John. We did it. The Ramily.

This is the closest I'll probably ever be to a Super Bowl championship. It actually happened. The Rams won. Stafford overcame the KFC mush. Well, I've never won three Super Bowls back to back to back. I have a chance this year. Dynasty for Vidalburg. I have a chance

coming up to go back to back to back. I don't know who my team's going to be yet, but we'll figure it out when we get to the Super Bowl. Dude, I'm not even kidding though. It kind of hit me once we put the merch on sale because we were, I mean, the only people at Barstool Sports rooting for the Rams. There's little people in America rooting for the Rams.

Yeah, I know. It was one tweet I saw. I'm going to see if I can pull it up real quick. That was so funny. And it was, like, perfectly why you shouldn't have been rooting for the rams uh la sucks and all the fans suck yeah yeah essentially yes that woman is uh fuck i'm gonna see if i can find it hey we'll keep i will find it but but no it is true like i got it i got it los angeles cannot be allowed to win a super bowl at home imagine ellen

degenerate taking a big celebrity selfie in a luxury box. Imagine James Corden screaming, we did it into the camera. Imagine Machine Gun Kelly on the field celebrating with the team. It must not happen. Yeah, no, that is that's tough. I like as much. It depends. Here's what it came down to. Do you who do you think deserves it more players or fans? Because the people of Cincinnati deserve the fuck out of a Superbowl die

hard Bengals fans are some of the most appless people in the world. But on the, on the football side of things, you know, Joe Burrow and Jamar chase have fucking 20 more years together. And then you look at the Rams, where it's like, do our L.A. Ram fans even in existence, do St. Louis fans even care? And then, yeah, a bunch of

celebrities who hop on board, but... St. Louis doesn't. I mean, St. Louis. They're out, right? Like, we tried to talk to Nelly about it when he was looking at his dick getting sucked. He dodged it like crazy. Are there St. Louis fans who came over? No, I would say there are very few and far between.

It's all Cronky. And they hate him. I remember YP, Riggs, they don't claim him anymore. The three people that opened St. Louis are YP, Riggs, Logan doesn't claim me so three and then nelly who uh i don't know if he's heard of the sport of football he doesn't know what football is but so so it's not about the fans then it's about you know stafford aaron donald uh i mean i guess you know what's funny people pulling for odell like like he

garnered a lot of support when he got hurt a lot of people and even myself i don't like odell like like he garnered a lot of support and when he got hurt a lot of people and even myself i don't like odell i never really did especially being a jets fan when he was the giants everything but i when he got hurt i was like oh man that sucks he was like playing well i was like wait a minute what the fuck is going on here since when when when do people sympathize with odell beckham i i agree i was very taken aback by that i like giants fans were rooting for him like it was fucking right b Bork. Like it was like, we got to get one for Odell. Yeah. But, but did you, were you like, I actually felt some way about it. It was weird.

Like when he caught a touchdown, I was like, he caught the touchdown. And I was like, Oh my God, sports is so scripted. Of course he gets one first touchdown hole nine. Then he got that like another big, like 35 yard catch. And I'm like, that's what I started thinking. If he puts up like a hundred with a he's gonna get mvp and i started like i don't i i definitely didn't care that much but you know part of the rambly bro yeah no there was there was a little bit more like i'll give a shit about this yeah it was bizarre a little bit of surprise i wasn't as big as you

it seems or no i don't want to say it was big, but it was just strange that it even made me feel anything at all. Yeah. I don't give a fuck about that guy. I was surprised with Odell the most by how many Browns players were like, like, he got, like, you know, like, that's a giant fuck you to Baker Mayfield. Huge red flag for the Browns. The biggest losers last night? The Browns. Because for so many reasons, I saw

somebody tweeted, Jared Goff went to like three straight Pro Bowls. He went to like back-to-back playoffs. He was, they listed all these accolades of Jared Goff. And they were like, and the Rams still felt the need to upgrade at quarterback to

try to win a title. And it's like a direct shot to all the, the franchises that are like, well, we, we kind of got our guy. We'll just like kind of stick with them. Cause you've really got to go all in. And what Matt Stafford did down that stretch,

what, with the help with a significant amount of help from the reps. But like with Noel Odell, zero running game, like the fact that he even got another one in was crazy it got to a point where i almost tweeted out the video of our club being like why don't they do this the whole time yes right when he was just running that offense being like cooper cup go go they were moving yes hey cooper it's me and you out here there's just

there's 22 guys out here it's me and you out here. There's 22 guys out here. It's me and you. Just fucking go. Cooper Cup with over 2,000 yards receiving, including the playoffs. That is crazy, man. That throw he made the Cooper Cup at the 50, I think. Yeah. Oh, the look away? That looked like it broke my brain for a second. I didn't know where the ball went in that replay.

My mentions are fucking idiot high school quarterbacks. That's a routine throw. Fuck you. And then guys like Pat McAfee and Chris Brown and Dan Orlovsky being like, this is one of the greatest throws of all time. Of all time. I'm like, dude, how do you shut the fuck – people are like, that's a regular look off.

No, it's not look off no it's no it's not he threw the no oh people are so fucking stupid but i really didn't realize that was so clear where it was like he threw the ball he needed that guy to move a foot and a half and he moved that guy a foot and a half exactly where he's right there yeah dude that's our guy that is our our i'm a lifelong matt stafford matthew stafford fan everyone knows that once once uh they won and we put out all of our all the rams merch and it was like our videos and our pictures and shit i was like it was actually one of the saddest moments of my life one of the saddest thoughts i've ever had where i was like this is kind of the only time i've ever seen like quote-unquote success i won in a in a big game legitimately it also also uh i didn't realize how much we were gonna be used like that was

like a funny little thing we did if i was like a person who was like like i like if i was fucking ben affleck on the set of gone girl where it's like i just wear i don't wear yankees hats i just yeah yeah i only wear mets hat i'd be like uh guys that's a little over the top you were the face with the face of the los angeles ramp well honestly swear to god there's a chance there is a chance we might be the biggest rams fans on the planet. And I'm not like, because everyone else is just a celebrity or a bandwagon LA fan.

We, being the guys that we are in the industry, in the jobs that we have, we're like the most important Rams fans out there. I was heavily invested because Kelly and D had me, hopefully we win so we can have fun this summer. And in my head, I was like, what do you mean by we?

Matthew tends to say all the right things, but I'm hoping if he gets on some of y'all's stuff that he'll open up a little bit because dude is funny. I mean, funny and inappropriate, but he chooses not to show that version of himself. That's got to suck. If he wins the Super Bowl, he's going to let loose. And I'm praying it happens solely

for that reason. I mean, a lot for him. I'm hoping it for him, but I'm hoping he does it so he can just show his true colors. That's a great reason to want to win the Super Bowl so I can swear in public again. It would be nice. Yeah, I was going to say.

I know what she means, bro. She probably means her and her husband, but she means all of Well, no, I know what she means, bro. I know. Yeah, no, she probably means her and her husband. But she means all of us, bro. They're all coming on the show. But she, I don't think so. Because it was like, why would you say we to me? To you. Yeah, that's right.

There's no way you'd say me and Matthew. You'd say we. Right. We. Us. Royal we. Everybody. That's the fucking fun this summer.

Yo, we're going to get Matthew Staff stafford on this fucking on this show i understand cooper cup i understand his uh his season it's kind of like uh he had a good game and then it was like the exclamation point on top of like maybe like the greatest season ever for a receiver to be honest um but like just give it to stafford fuck you you know like let stafford be up there in that moment give me a fucking break or even aaron donald to be honest he was the one who like impacted the game the most i felt yeah um but um no he did it was like he didn't until he did right and then he's gone for a while yeah and then it was like they were double-teamed and they decided to stop doing what worked which was was an interesting play. But, you know, TG's on.

And the fact that, like, all of this happened in the middle of a 50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Eminem concert. I mean, yo, 50 Cent hanging upside down. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. I got a big problem with happiness. John texted me, very upset that the internet fat shamed Curtis Jackson. Not only am I upset.

Here's the deal. Here's what happened, Kevin. Here's the deal. Tell him, John. Tell him. Because guess what happened right after 50 Cent performed? Mary J. Blige performed. Uh-huh.

No one kept that same energy, did we? No, no. That changed very fucking quick. Nobody was bringing up the fact that she looks a little bit different than she did 20 fucking years ago. Not a single mention that maybe fucking Mary J. Blige should have been in a one-piece. No one did that.

It was as one-piece as a two-piece can be. But that was a one-piece. I. But that was a one-piece. I mean, that was a two-piece. And it was, you know, she wasn't moving as fast as her backup dancers. Dude, when she fell over at the end, like, onto her back, like, that was obviously a thing, but it was also a necessary thing. She was like, yo, I don't know. It was one where it was like they did, like, a side profile.

Nobody's saying anything about that. I even looked at their ages, like maybe 50, 15 years younger. Yo, how weird is that, by the way? How weird is the fact that Dr. Dre is only 10 years older than 50 Cent? Yeah, he's 50, 46. My original body is 51. It's the same. That's the same.

If you're fat shaming one person, you're fat shaming the other person. And everyone went silent. Well, here's the same. If you're fat-shaming one person, you should fat-shame the other person. And everyone went silent. Well, here's the thing, though. I was hoping to see one person say something. I almost tweeted, hmm, the same energy doesn't seem to be getting kept up right now. And I didn't want to take the rest of the football game. If a white fella were to say something about Mary J. Blige's appearance on Twitter, you would be,

you would be canceled. You'd be over. You'd be, she looks, I'm not, I'm not even saying she's fat because 50 is not fat either. 50 just looks 20 years older than anyone. Yeah. Well, 50 was also in like the best shape anyone has ever been in 2003. But I will say this as a man who got so here's the problem dre look like everybody else looked pretty good like snoop doesn't age 50 cent uh eminem's been like the same size forever dre

actually got like in shape so 50 just had the the the shitty role of being the guy who looked 20 years older but as a huskier fella who put on some pounds, I don't know what they were doing in rehearsal and whatnot, but his idea to be upside down to start, that was a grave error, a huge misstep. And I don't know if they ever did a sound check. Maybe they were just worried about him being physically strapped in and

they didn't do like him rapping. But when he tried to wrap upside down, it was like, he had no breath control. It was like, why are we hanging the fat guy upside down? He's not fat. He's big bone. No, he's Mac. I tweeted out the pictures of Mac. It's exactly the before and after he cultivated mass the last 20 years. It is. He looks a little big. That's all that happened.

He's a thick boy. Leave 50 alone. My favorite thing, did you see Trent's tweet? He said his phone blew up when 50 appeared as if Trent was in the Super Bowl. Like he was performing. I thought that went, I thought that their performance was unbelievable. I thought that went, I thought that, that their performance was unbelievable. Like as I thought that went as smooth and as well as it could have. And like, I think,

I think Prince will always hold the title just because he's Prince and the rain and the perform like theatrics. But as far as like actual performing of songs, it wasn't very long. Like they all just did their hits it was like perfect in and out and the fact the main problem with rap live usually or at least long long ago they i think you know they they they figured this out now is you got to have some sort of live instruments when it's just like one guy on the mic it doesn't work so having anderson

pock on the drums and dre on the on the pianoop Krip walking, it made it like a, it looks like an actual rock show then with rap music. And they, I mean, I thought they crushed it. And Snoop Krip walking is just always, it's the best. And he's so smooth on the mic, even doing edited version. He just, he's walking around. He's high as fuck and he's Krip walking. And it's just, he's timeless, man. It's crip walking and it's just he's timeless man it's unbelievable i like how there was very clearly a color palette for this show oh yeah

oh i mean he was cripping bro he's got his blue on but that's what i mean he was the one who was like i'm not doing right everyone was white black shit it was all black and white guys were black yeah mary j was in white set was, I'm doing blue and gold. I'm crippling. They're like, yeah, but it doesn't fit. I don't fucking care. Blue and gold. You guys figure out your shit. Doesn't fucking matter, man.

It was a bit of a gut punch. Because I wrote a blog last week about how I'm old. But like, we actually, in this episode, we talk about how we're a little old because we, we seem to enjoy the eight mission statements of Barstool sports, whatever you're saying. Yeah, the core values. The Superbowl halftime show being marketed to you is some old shit.

Oh yeah. I saw a tweet that went viral. That was like, somebody was like uh it was cool when uh you know me and like all of my friends like everyone or it says i'm like it was funny when all of us on twitter said wow it's cool that they're actually uh you know doing a halftime show for the young people and not catering to old people this time and then 10 seconds later it hit all of us. I've said this before.

Rap doesn't ever feel old because guys like Dre and Snoop and Eminem and 50 are tough and rough, and they talk about guns and pussy. So you don't ever think of that as, like, the old people music. But it is. We are, and here we are now. Although I do think the actual old people probably had a conniption. I'm sure the old 55 and up white people were probably like, what is this crap music?

Rap music is crap music. I know that people are saying it a lot on Twitter. Maybe it's just because I'm close-minded, but I can't imagine someone being... I know it's Twitter. I know they were as a fucking... I don they were. I know it's Twitter. I know they were. I saw fucking... I don't know, like Charlie whatever's

going to kick. Charlie Kirk, yeah. I saw him saying some nonsense. He doesn't believe that. I find it hard to believe there are people who genuinely... Actually, never mind. I forgot. Are you kidding me? Racist white people and old white people in America? Of course there was people thinking that.

I forgot Eminem took a knee afterwards, too. I saw a tweet saying that was like, not real. All that, like, Goodell never said that. Oh, the NFL definitely did damage control and said we saw the rehearsals and we saw every aspect of the performance all

week at rehearsal. No, you didn't. When Eminem did that, though, did you, I didn't think of that as like the cap like i don't know i thought it was just like performing but i guess that's oh no i thought i thought yeah i didn't think of that in the moment i just thought like you know you're on stage you're doing weird shit but yeah uh that and the and the line from dre about still not loving police yeah which is like the nicest thing you can say about police. I was going to say. Or Dr. Dre's catalog. Bro, at this stage of political discourse, still not loving police, like, means you have like a thin blue line sticker.

Yeah, you are a hero. I don't love him. He's pro-police, this guy. He's not an ACAP guy. He's pro-police. guy he's not an a-cap guy he's probably i would say though that uh the i think the halftime show as far as excitement and energy and all that was the star of the night because the the game is i don't know if it was al michaels he didn't really have a great call like a great moment i don't know if it was the refs ruining it at the end i don't know

if the fact that it was the rams and it's an la town i don't know what but that felt or maybe the fact that it was two lower seeds there wasn't like a villain there wasn't a hero no brady involved no patriot whatever it is i don't know that just felt like a very blah game and reaction and ending to me. The ending, yeah. And, like, cronkies and speeches and all of that was just like, we won the Super Bowl, guys. Yeah, I didn't pay all that much attention to the actual – I kind of started getting tweets off.

So I didn't pay much attention to, like, the actual celebration on the field. But I did hear that it was pretty like – It was just like, yeah, whatever. I mean, I guess I thought it was cool. Like a game winning sack from Aaron Donald, but I guess, you know, you're thinking like, well, Burrow have a drive. Will there be a big moment? And it was just like, Nope, game's over. Yeah, it did. It did feel like incomplete almost. And you know what? It's funny when all the storylines play out.

I thought it was kind of interesting when they did that long ass Halle Berry intro where they were talking about sports and movies. But it really is kind of funny that it's like, like sports are just, they're just movies that happen in real time. You know what I mean? Like the theatrics of it all, the script of it all.

And the fact that the O-line like broke down at the end and Aaron Donald, like that was the storyline. That was what everyone talked about. It wasn't really a factor for a long time. And then, but like in the end, Aaron Donald gets a sack. O-line lets Joe Burrow down, game over. And it's like, yep, this is all part of the fucking, the script that's already written.

It was, I think Coley mentioned it, where it was like, particularly having that before this game, tough luck. What? Having like, having the comparison or drawing the parallels between the NFL and scripted television,

or scripted film, when you have, A, an investigation being opened in 20, this morning it's been officially opened, I believe,

into an owner, Steven Ross, for fixing games. And then you have, and then you have these – that game play out where even as a Rams guy, that holding call was – I mean, giving them a new set of downsides. Yeah. False start.

And then Aaron Donald with offsides on that final snap. On the final play. I know. I know. Two blown calls there. I mean, they barely blew the whistle all game, which was nice, until, you know, three flags on that final drive there. But, I mean, giving them a new set of downs inside the 10 there was just like,

I mean, that was – that's as big of a fucking swing as – that was some shit where, like, if you want to put your tinfoil hat on and tell me that the refs, like, had money game i'd be like i don't know man that's probably the more logical fucking answer here that was crazy and they draw like drawing comparisons to um the fucking with t higgins a touchdown catch open second half yep like that was a blown call that was missed well i could see the ref I could see how he couldn't see that. Yeah. Cause like there he's behind them.

It's a quick little pull on the face here. You didn't see it. It just looks like he fell. It's a blown call. No doubt. It's a penalty, but I think it's interesting. A blown call.

Like the call was made where there really wasn't a foul. That was like, I mean, you know, they, the famous line is like, you know, refs could call holding on every single play in the NFL.

And it's like when they want to, they can. And know, the famous line is like, you know, refs could call holding on every single play in the NFL. And it's like when they want to, they can. And that always feels a little. And there was a spot at one point on like a third down that was weird. I know you always talk about that where it's just like, you know, some fucking guy waddles his way in there and just says, here, your Super Bowl just like is over because of that. But anyway, I also I know I was I know I'm in the Ramley. I know Stafford is my guy, like super happy for him.

And let's talk about Aaron Donald retiring is wild, too. If I was both of those guys, I'd be like, all right, peace, I'm done. And I know my logic behind it was like the Bengals are so set for so long and they'll be back and all that. But it is always such a scary thought in the NFL where it's like you don't get the like he'll be back. It's not basketball. It's not the NBA where it's like you really will be back. I think he will.

I really do because I think the Bengals are so set up with multiple guys who are under 25. But I know the, yeah, like they might, it's not that they might not be good. You could be fucking 14 and two for the next or, or, you know, for 15 was really good. Right. Right. Right. You can't get back there a lot. I know. I mean, he ended up playing in what, four. So yeah, I mean, he got there. You do get, yeah, but it's, it's just, and especially in Cincinnati,

like you might just go back to being the bengals and you never know so i i do when they i mean i know why because burrow is like the star but man they put the camera on him quite a bit after it was over there and just watching him like seeing his face i was like oh man now i feel like an asshole for dude him walking out charlotte dick rider charlotte Charlotte Wallace tweeted a picture of him leaving. When he was hobbling out? Huh? When he was hobbling out? No, it was just a picture. I don't know.

He was in his suit, which I didn't like to start. Not that I don't think it's too cocky or anything like that. I just didn't think it was a very nice suit. Joe Burrow, going into that game game literally could do no wrong no matter what he wore it was gonna be joe burr and all that but i thought that was a weird weird yeah i i guess it's kind of bangles ish where it's got the stripes and all that stuff but yeah it was i thought that

was like oh we went and it happens we all make mistakes when we're trying to take risks that was a heat check for sure. That was like, I can run with it. But then he wore it out. You got to have a change of clothes for post game. Right. You can't. That can't be your losing suit.

You can't. That's tough, man. I always think about how, like, literally leaving the stadium. You know, he hopped in that golf cart. And then what happens from there? You drive out of some tunnel and you have some car that's like right there. I know the answer to this. It's been went viral fairly recently.

A Bills player, I think a Bills player after the game. We have the Colts just did a tick tock of what it's like. Oh, yeah. How it looks. Yeah. And it's like you walk out. There's a spread of food subs. Usually you kind of grab one.

You get on a bus. Buses don't wait for the whole team. They take you to the airport. There's more food at the airport for you. You get on the plane. The plane waits for the whole team. Take off. I think that Bills player, I forget who it was who did it,

from end of game to back in Buffalo was three hours. Wow. It's funny with the food. It's just, I always, with everything in sports and life, I try to break it down to a true, just normal human level where it's like, what do you eat beforehand? And what do you do beforehand? And then afterwards, you're like,

you're fucking so crushed that you just lost, but you're also like, oh, is there chicken cutlet? Or is that only, is that a cold cut trio? What is that? You know what I mean? It's just so weird to me that you just go back to your regular life now and you know, you go home and you scroll Instagram and you hop on porn over whatever the fuck you do at night, you know? So bizarre. But yeah, man. So the rambly, we got the job done.

That's the closest I'll probably ever get to a championship shout out to uh matthew stafford kelly stafford uh i'm hoping i hope he does that instagram thing i posted that that clip right afterwards but when he said he was gonna yeah instagram for one post and one post only uh i hope he does it so if i were to choose um and and this is all this is contingent on the turnout for the parade one pick of from behind you of the parade of of the like of the speech they give afterwards now you'd have to have a big crowd for it to be a good picture but that's the pick oh the one pick you would post that's a good no i agree but i think stafford would do – I could see Stafford doing, like, a family thing. Yeah.

You know what he should do? Post a Lions thing. Like, this is for Detroit. Fuck Los Angeles. You know what I mean? I know none of these people are really my fans. Give me a break. Like, how many real, like, diehard fans could there be?

Jay Love. If you're going to do what he did you gotta nail it tweet at us what do you think if you were if you didn't have social media you win the super bowl you're considered like a plain jane dude what would be your one what if it was like what if you went frat stafford and posted like all those old pictures with all like you know what you do you should post the backup quarterback at Georgia. He went frat Stafford on him and just said, fuck everybody. I did it. Fuck all you guys. So yeah, shout out to the Ramley. And hopefully I, I mean, you know, Kelly was talking about how she hopes that Stafford cuts loose a little bit

now and shows his personality. So come on down, brother, open invite to hop on KC radio. Enough about us talking Super Bowl, though. Before we get to Jackie, I want to do two quick things. Yeah, go ahead. Very quick. One, I have a bone to pick. I was hot online yesterday for like 30 seconds, as everyone is. Because I tweeted that I wanted the to – that I wanted the –

I like the Super Bowl on Sundays now. I guess that's another thing of getting older. I like it on a Sunday. There's something special to, like, work being tomorrow. The food tastes better. I think Michael Hurley said that. And it's just – there's just a – I don't know. If I get when you're in your 20s, like, I'm going to a Super Bowl party.

I'm just hanging out with my dad and my mom. You know what I don't get, though? Yes, that's true. And you get older, and it really doesn't matter whether days are weekends or weekdays because all your days suck. But you know what I don't get? Pretty much, if you're in that age range, you're in that mode, you go out on Sunday for NFL Sundays for fucking 20 straight weeks.

Right. You drink all day Sunday and go to work hungover on Monday for, like, 20 straight weeks. You drink all day Sunday and go to work hungover on Monday for like four straight months. Now all of a sudden we can't do it for a game that starts at 6 o'clock? I was going to say, 9.30 we were over last night. 10 o'clock.

It's very bizarre. I was actually like, huh, this is weird because I want to go to bed, but I'm not tired yet. I finished the whole season on Netflix afterwards. I was like, this is fine. Yeah, yeah. I saw Dan tweet that there should be West Coast basketball on after the Super Bowl. Those would be great games.

Dude, that was a bold move for NBC 30 minutes after the Super Bowl ended to give us monobob of this. When they cut to that, I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Yeah. I couldn't stop reading it as monoboo on Twitter, so I was just picturing one huge breast. The anti was Total Recall,

which is three. Just one huge cyclopean boob. I tweeted that and pretty quickly got a lot of replies being like, well, you don't have a real job. And if it's one person, I ignore it, whatever, who cares. And I'm aware we don't have real jobs. Yeah.

But the people who tell you you don't have a real job don't have real jobs either. Nobody has real – there's like four people who have real jobs. Jobs aren't real. No one has real jobs. Unless you have surgery on Mondayay your job's not real you know and as a matter of fact i i've always said this you know what i used to do on super monday i would go sit at my computer hung over and just stare at the fucking desk for 10 hours yo i was like i was like dude just don't go to work tomorrow that's the worst thing that happened

is eileen puts like a permanent a mark on your permanent record. No one gets it. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing's going to happen. I will guarantee your salary for the rest of the year if you just skip work tomorrow and you fucking get fired. Unless you have a clean record.

Unless you're always bad. You're the Monday's author. You would do it with a real job too. Yeah, look at me now. Nothing happens. I was like, you work at HubSpot. Who fucking cares? Nothing matters. It just doesn't.

The was... Oh, fuck. I forgot what I was going to say. What was your second one? Yesterday was to the point where I was like... It's also annoying when it's like, was yesterday was to the point where i was like because it's also annoying where it's like i do sales well that's not real no the you know what's really annoying about it is someone who works at barstool can say i do sales at barstool and someone would go that's a real job well you're selling me so how is my fucking job not real then

you know who's more important than? Fuck the non-content skeleton. Also, shout out to Hank winning the touchback. Hank against the world with that touchback bet. I'm so happy for him on that one. Yeah, that was awesome. I was actually going to pick up pizza beforehand, and it was snowing a lot here. And it was like the roads were not good. And I was kind of wanting to speed to make sure I got back in time for kickoff and i got back in time and i didn't speed but it was like i was like

kind of like i should go faster but also i'll probably crash even faster than this so i was in a in a balanced mode however the second thing i wanted to bring up real quick uh fuck new york times bro well you don't what you got a problem with wordle bro i was having fun robin i was having fun on beginner level fucking wordle and you made it too hard and now i feel dumb every day it's crazy dude i didn bro, I didn't even get, I only got three letters today. Yo, you know what I did? So I went, there's a link that you can do archived wordles. You can go back to the very beginning.

Okay. The very first one was cigar. Fine. The next three. So imagine this is like a game that you made for your family. And you're like hey guys i got this game the next three the first one was rebut r-e-b-u-t the second one was um let me let me pull it up it was uh rebut only has one t that's a surprise to me yeah i i i that i guess i usually read it as rebutted which has two t's yeah yeah uh it was

it was um fuck where it was it was too fake oh it was rebut then it was sissy with three s's in one word and then the third one the fourth one was hump h-u-m-p-h i would have got three in a row wrong and been like fuck this game. I don't want to play this ever again. What a rocky start for Wordle. Bro, today's was the hardest one I've ever had. I did it last night, actually. What was today?

Oh, yeah. Oh, Cynic. Cynic's tough. Did you get it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, god. I got the point where I was just guessing. Like, I was guessing words. Like, I knew they weren't there. Like, I knew a letter wasn't in it.

The, yeah, no, I misspoke. I got one C. I got this. I had to start with a C. And I got an I in the wrong place. Those, that's like, six guesses. That's what I got. Yeah, man.

The times doesn't fuck around. Like, bro, it was, it's like, got. Yeah, man, the times doesn't fuck around. Fuck you. Bro, it was, it's like, I was comparing it to like when you start working out, right? You don't fucking go do a Navy SEAL training right away. You go for a walk. You go for a jog. Yeah.

Like that was, I don't do a lot of mental exercises, Kevin. So I was starting Wordle. I was happy to be on a job. This is nice. Breaking a little bit of a sweat. Not too big a deal. Feeling good about myself. Feeling fucking powerful.

Feeling like I'm making changes in my life. And then they started hitting me with sin. And I'm like, fuck this. I'm going back to the couch. This is dumb. I think I'll be fat and stupid again all right enough about us and our football analysis nobody cares everyone everybody wants to hear from the number one feminist and only solo female football analyst in the game it is the final week of her rookie season of jacked

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C-H-I.com. Use promo code KFC radio, all one word and get 5% off your purchase. Must be one. Must be 21 or older. Obviously use responsibly. It's 3G.com promo code KFC radio. And it is now time for jacked up three minutes on the clock are you ready jackie this is it this is your swan song girl

yeah yeah yeah yeah it's the last one not gonna lie i I'm pretty happy about it. I also thought that, like, by the end, I was going to, like, really understand football and everything. You thought that the first week. You said the first week, you're like, this isn't going to be funny. It's just going to be me teaching you about football. Well, yeah, I was a little, but then turns out like, it's a really complicated sport. There's so many rules and stuff.

I don't get it. Um, but I, I know enough to know. Well, okay. First of all, I want to say this. I want to say this. I want to say this. I originally was going to be rooting for the Bengals. Right. And then we interviewed Kelly Stafford and I was like, okay, no, she swayed me. I'm rooting for the Rams. Oh, by the way, sorry to interrupt. That was a pretty devastating moment for me to realize I'd already bet on the Bengals last night. I went to check my bets and realized that after they won the AFC

championship, I had bet the Bengals. They interviewed Kelly Stafford, same thing as you, got swayed to the Ramley and bet the Rams with the spread. And I lost all of my bets despite betting on both teams. Bet on both teams and not win anything is

so classic. It is crazy. I bet on both teams and lost. Only you, babe. Never change. So wait, you were, but you were, you were Joe Burrow. I was Joe Burrow. Then I was swayed to the, to the Ramley.

And then you guys were all like, no, you should stick to, to the Bengles or at least who said that at least pavs and zach but i thought that you were too so then i was like okay fine i'll i'll be a bangles fan and then that was just stupid so then also pavs and i made a bet that whoever lost has to wear like nelk boys merch the whole week. Oh boy. So now technically I have to do that. Why are you guys doing funny things not on camera? That's a funny bet. People should have known about that.

Was that on the vlog? No. You morons. You guys, we're producers. We're not like that. Oh, you're not content, huh? You're not content. Hashtag not content. But yeah, so I guess the next, my outfits are planned out for the next month.

I have milk boys merch for one week and I have the Stephen Hawking shirts for the, for the next three weeks or whatever. We were just going to be like, why is this a weird style? Um, anyways. Okay.

So, so then root for the bangies and they lost, which was not very fun, but, okay, so then root for the Bengies, and they lost, which was not very fun. But I was happy for the Ram fam and for Kelly Stafford and Matthew Stafford and that cute little family. But basically – Give us the rundown. Give us the jacked up. Here's the rundown.

Okay, they start the game. And then, and then you see, this is something that's like, oh, I was really predicting by the end. I was just going to be like, they start the game. But I don't know. I still don't know. You were just going to, you, you, you are still not where you want it to be. Even when you just did that little thing right there, you, all you said was they started the game.

Well, I know. Cause anything else other than they started the game. I know that. What is a more official way to say that? Well, you don't have to say it because we know that the game started. So you could just be like, first quarter, Odell Beckham scores a touchdown and just go. Is Odell Beckham OBJ? Yes.

He got hurt. OBJ hurt. Cooper Cup, good. I was going to tweet something like Super Cup, more like – no, Super Bowl, more like Super Cup. And then it turns out that was like a very common tweet. Was it? I honestly – I didn't hear that.

Is it rhymes with Cooper? What's a Super Cup? No, because it's like Super Bowl. Oh, Bowl and Cup. Okay, got it. But Cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it.

You guys are missing out by not having me be on the social team. Honestly, what's really funny is all of your rhymes and all of your raps absolutely suck, and you always tweet bars afterwards. But that one, Super Cup, I mean, it made me think. I didn't even get it at first. That would have been your best line, and you didn't even fucking tweet it. The first part was unnecessary, but thank you what you could have just said that was pretty good that was that's like what we were like you don't have to say the mean part you're gonna say it's

a nice one oh someone does need to say the mean part so jackie doesn't think she's a rapper no you guys again it's music is it's an art form and it's objective um okay she means subjective okay so they start the game okay so they start the game that's right they start the game um the rams rams are up rams are scoring and then the bangles start to score and then the Bengals kind of come up from behind and then and then it is okay, so then This is so bad.

How is it your worst one yet? How is this Super Bowl jacked up so bad? I know. Well, here's the issue. It's the 20th one. I know. It's not my 20th one. Yeah.

You want 20th one? Yeah. I know. I know. But, well, because there was a lot going on. Did you get, like, hammered last night? No, but I was decently. Tell me about the halftime show.

Okay. Okay. Well, I'm still in the middle of the game. Oh, okay. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Go ahead. The Rams have won.

The Rams scored. The Bengals are coming from behind. The Bengals are coming from behind. Bengals are up. Our Bengies are doing well. Doing their thing. And then the Rams do their thing. And the Rams... Are you fucking kidding me?

I don't really know. Okay. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to salvage this year Are you fucking kidding me? Okay. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to salvage this year and just, and just tell everybody that in the middle of your date the other night, your guy told the world, told you that he was an only fans performer and pulled out the phone,

John, and showed her fucking some chick on his only fans. Yeah. Why? That was so unnecessary for him. Well, no. If you saw how bad Jacked Up was going, you would know it's super necessary.

No, I know. I know. I know. I'm sorry. Look at John's face. Yeah. That wasn't even the worst part of it. No, it wasn't.

The other part, I don't think we can talk about. No, no. We're not going to talk about the other part. We can talk about it. He also, like. Well, I mean, you got to tell me we can cut it out, I don't think we can talk about. No, we're not going to talk about the other part. We can talk about... I mean, you got to tell me we can cut it out, I guess, but I got to know right now. So, can I just start from the start? Yeah. Jacked up with your date is much better.

What? Jacked up your date is much better. Okay, okay, okay. So, I have to cut out some of the parts. Yeah, yeah. No, we'll just beep it. You tell the whole story. I'll say he had criminal charges. Okay. Why do we have to cut that out? the parts. Yeah, yeah. No, we'll just beep it. You tell the whole story. I'll say he had criminal charges. Okay. Okay. Why do we have to cut that out?

Well, I don't know. Well, you'll see why because- Okay. Okay. So I get in. He instantly starts like- Where'd you meet him? Where'd you meet him? Sorry.

Hinge. Hinge. Okay. Okay. So he's like- But he got in. He's cute. He's cute.

He's like cool. But first of all, he orders a Spike Shirley temple. And then he isn't funny about it. I was like, you can't order a Spike Shirley temple and not be funny about it. Great point. Yeah. So true.

And he just wasn't a funny person. Anyways, so then he instantly, he was also texting a lot about his job at first. And then he starts, like, he keeps, like, texting about, then he instantly starts talking about his job. Keeps talking about that. And then 10 minutes in, I was like, oh, so where'd you go to school? He tells me where he goes to school.

He's like, but I got, like, a little expelled at the end. And I was like, how did you get expelled? Gang, gang. And, no, don't gang, gang this. No, you don't want to gang, gang this at all. Before you say one single more word, let me tell you, I'm in the same boat as this guy. Yeah. I mean, it was it was for criminal charges. I'll say that, which then he was like, but like my family's rich.

So this person who did the the people who criminally were charged, whatever, he was like, we're going to sue them for everything they own because my dad is rich. We're 10 minutes in. This is being done, this is being told to you via text or is being told to you

at the date? At the date. At the date. And so I was like, that feels like a red flag but i said i said and so now we're 20 minutes in and then he um then he tells me that at the time he was also he had also overdosed on drugs a few times opiates opioids opiates and he um i still don't know and he um was in rehab the whole thing he's 500 days sober um has like a sponsor and everything but he was drinking i was just saying he's 500 so we got spike show he's no he's just like drug sober he's not he's just drug stuff he's sober like

yeah california california sober whatever um so... Okay, so then he tells me that to make money because his parents cut him off when he was criminally charged, he started an OnlyFans. And then he talks about... We're 30 minutes in and talks about how big his dick is,

how sexual of a person he is. Anyway, so we have more dates coming up. So the whole, yeah, exactly. The whole time she's like, she's like, yo, this guy sucked so bad. He didn't ask me a single question. He doesn't even know how to work.

We're going to go halfsies, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm saying we're going to go halfsies on the bill. She was like, just sitting there being like, I don't care about your job. He's showing her his dick, his only fans. He's criminally charged. He's in rehab.

And Jackie's like, so I'm seeing him tonight. And I was like, what? So we also, it was fun. We played Jenga plan. Her plan is to out fuck boy, the fuck boy, which I don't know. Girls, guess what? You can't do that. It's not possible.

No, I'm going to out fuck boy, the fuck boy. You are absolutely not. I'm going to do it. What's your plan? My plan is... This is... By the way, I just want to say this. I disavow this move. I... If it was just like he's a

douchebag, I'd probably be like, all right, go crazy. Out fuck boy the fuck boy. The criminal charges, I feel as a parent here, unsafe with me continuing this relationship. No, I'm also going to cut out the part where I just said I'm going to hang out with him this week. That was just for you guys.

No, no, no, no. That stays it. I will be listening. I want to explain myself. I'm going to tweet tomorrow. Did Jackie tell, and it'll go to tweet tomorrow. Did Jackie tell... And it'll go to the poll. Did Jackie leave in the part that she's hanging out with the guy again this week? Yeah, don't think that you can sneak this by us.

No, we're going to know. Okay, but then if everybody could just not judge me. And here's the thing. Despite the criminal charges, that part... Here's the thing. When he explained his side, I was like, oh, okay. And then when I said his side, I was like, oh, okay. And then when I said out loud, I was like, oh, wait.

He might have been biased. Here's something crazy that's never been said, and I'm going to say it anyway. I'll give him a free pass on that. He's still a detestable person. Yeah, he's so awful. Let's call a spade a spade, John. She saw the OnlyFans video, and she's like, okay.

No, here's the thing. Here's the thing is also. That's literally the only thing it could be. And you know what? That's fine, girl. Go off. Yeah. But let's call a spade to spade.

Well, that's okay. Also, the thing is, like, I feel like it is empowering to be like, I don't care what he thinks of me. Yeah, I get that, you know, like, I'm just going to do that with just like not a horrendous person. No, here's the thing is I could, I could just date somebody who's not a horrendous person who also whatever. But, um,

I feel like I'm just going to go down this road because he's there. I have a rule where like, when you tell your friends to not do something that's like horrible and they just like look at you in the eye and they say understood feedback noted still gonna do it because i want to okay yeah go ahead go make that only fans video girl no i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that and um i'm gonna i'm we're going on a date the next it's not you know we're gonna gonna pay yeah he started bragging about how rich he is and ended it with we're going halfsies he told yes

yes well i think his parents cut him off a little bit yeah but yo you got that only fans money you had such a big dick you're so sexual are you yeah yeah well so the reason okay here's the reason why he didn't want to pay was because he um said that he goes on dates every girl he goes on dates with is just using him for his money and he's jackie guy is so how are you believing all these things he also oh my god he also asked me zero questions i don't think he knows where I work. I don't think he knows. I bet you he doesn't know your name. No, he probably doesn't know my name.

Jackie. Amazing. But I think I kind of like it. I don't know. Look at her. She's smitten, bro. This is for anybody who's like nice guys finish last. It's not a thing.

Like, look at this. Look at this shit. I'm kidding. It's a bit. You are 100% going out with this guy at least three more times. No, no, no, no. It's all a bit. For everybody who thinks I don't have

self-respect, it's also more of just like, it's a story at this point. That is true. I agree with that. However, when did this happen? Last week. When? Tuesday.

Last Tuesday. I also want it. So we've recorded three podcasts since this happened. So when were you going to tell this story? Right. The only reason this just came up because I was like, hey, what are you doing? What are we doing tonight or something like that? Well, here's the thing. Again, I'm not in content. Yes you are i mean you're both you're you

you have your feet okay also the thing is it wasn't gonna come up until kevin just brought it up unnecessarily well i'm gonna have a football analysis i'm a professional story that it should have come up the day jackie if this if i went on a date with we'd have an emergency fucking podcast there would be like it would be like i'm like guys everyone get to the studio right now we have a story to talk about without even mentioning it casually because i didn't need i didn't need you know what i already have my friends judging me yeah her friends and then and then i was like because i was like kind of genuinely worried and And she said, you said something like, my friends talk some sense into me. And now here we are back scheduling dates.

So I guess you lost that sense. You are such a fucking idiot. You are such a dude. Just let me be 22. I need it. Here's the thing. Hey, hey, hey. Remember when I said I said I need to get my heart broken, right?

Yeah. Well, this is a good guy to get my heart broken right yeah well and this is a good guy to get my heart broken by because it's like it's like okay at the end of the day i'll be like oh wait yeah he's like criminally charged like you're trying to get your heart broken by a guy who like you should never have your heart in the first i i respect that like going into a relationship being like right, what are his negatives that I can fucking whine about when this ends? Yeah. That's your number one.

What's the number one qualification? Just date me. I have things that I can easily shit talk when we break up. Yeah. You're going to be an easy breakup, dude. That's your number one. There's a subtle genius to that.

There's a subtle genius to that. I mean, they do call me a genius. well, they don't. Shut up. Okay, so can we get back to football? I guess. Is there anything else

you want to say? I'll talk about the halftime show. Halftime show. Jackie, Jackie, I just want to be clear. Going back to football after that is like going to Manabob after the Super Bowl. Yeah, nobody cares. Well, here's the thing is, the people want to know what happened in the game. I feel like you guys are being really harsh on my football analysis this time what's worse what's what's worse uh jackie's football analysis that doesn't exist

or her her dating uh technique yeah i i would go so far as to say in this situation, it would be the fall. Yeah, which is scary. Despite how horrendous the dating is, this is the football has been worse. I think so far we've gotten OBJ got a touchdown. No, he got hurt. It was the halftime show. Did you do you even like what were you like one when 50 Cent was popular? I don't know.

But here's the thing is, I also think that everybody, I agree, everybody was so harsh on him. And he's, like, in fine shape. Like, he actually is big, but he just looks swollen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the opposite side down wasn't, like, the most flattering angle. But, like, everybody was really, like, that shaming him. And he was fine.

Like, I get it. He looks different. But, but. Yeah, what do you thinkaming him and he was fine like I get it he looks different but but yeah what do you think Mary J. Blige looked like I'm not gonna call him she looked great she's a queen and there you go there it's not anti Mary J. Blige she's like yeah she looks like she's she looks she looks like what

she looks like just say that there's I ain't even saying that like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna you guys are just trying to pull what she didn't have eyebrows the bleached eyebrows is ridiculous she looks

like she blew her eyebrows off like she was like uncle leo in Seinfeld there's no I didn't notice that I was too busy watching her dance like this you're gonna get shredded dude the black people are going to hate you. You can't go after Queen Mary. You're fucked.

Let's go after Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar is 5'3". He's listed as 5'5", I think. Or 5'6", on Google. That means he's like 5'4". He had the best opener of the night, though. When they popped out of those

drapes, that was sick. I thought also at the bar that I was at, I watched it from the bar, and everybody went crazy the whole time. And then it was really funny because whenever the N-word would come up or everything, everyone would go silent.

That is good. Yeah. Anyways, okay. okay okay and then football okay okay here's the part that i i'll just i know you guys are like shut the fuck up about football but i'll say this um so then at the end joe burrow like the bangles had an opportunity to score there was a little bit of time because then because then the ram scored and then the um there was like one opportunity for them to come back but then the offensive line or the defense

didn't do their job and so Joe Burr couldn't throw to anybody and then they lost the game I'm so happy you got that part in because that was so critical just say thank you to me for salvaging it I guess thank you but now everybody's going to know what we're going to do now is jacked up for the offseason is going to be you giving breakdowns of your dates.

Jacked up dating. Yeah, I mean, here are my parents. Also, thank you, because my parents listen to this. So they're going to be like, oh, sorry, you're dating. Oh, yeah, they might want to skip this one. Well, how about this? Maybe they should know. Maybe they should. Maybe maybe parents in your life. Maybe that's who you need to talk to from, because it's clearly not working for your friends. It doesn't seem to be working for me and Kevin.

Maybe mom and dad need to give you a shout and say, hey, don't date. You can tell your parents that you're dating a guy who's 500 days sober, who's a movie producer. It's all quality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your reaction when he showed you his dick what he asked for it no you asked to see it yeah why are you oh look at him respect and consent these days huh good for him i will consent on this one he learned his lesson he's rehabilitated i also he he kept talking about it and he wanted to be asked about it and then i got curious so then i was like well

can i i don't blame i'd be like all right let's fucking see it then yeah also like okay are you really gonna like if you're gonna like let's let's see put your money where your mouth is to Yeah. Not, you know, but not on the bill. Apparently, but your money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's counting pennies. He's like the spike Shirley temple was cheaper than the jalapeno anyways. Jacked up. Jacked up football comes to an end.

Tweet at us with other topics that you want to see jacked up. We'll do it like once a month or every, every now and then or something pops up we'll get jacked up. We'll do it like once a month or every now and then, or if something pops up, we'll get jacked up, non-football edition. And you can do like old historical things and old headlines and old stories and things that you want Jackie to break down. So tweet at us with your jacked up ideas. Good rookie season. You came out of the gate so hot, and then we lulled,

and then you came back, and then we limped to the goddamn i really i hit a point where i just like hated it and i everybody could probably tell i'm not gonna lie like it just started to feel i really just felt like a school presentation where i went well you know it's like and i'm sorry that's your job to make it not stink. So, okay. Well, first of all, it's not my job. I'm a senior producer. I'm a producer. Okay. I've never been content.

I've never had the experience. And you guys are like, okay, three minutes on the clock about something that you don't know of go. And then I was like, that's kind of hard to do. You know what? Where are your memories? But I know it's coming every week, but here's the thing is I would, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Here's the thing is I would do the research, but then, but then- No, you weren't there just weeks. You just listened to PMT and then- I'm going to shut the fuck up after this. The anxiety of a camera being on, then I forget everything. Suddenly the camera's on,

I forget everything about it. I actually watched this game and everything and I watched a lot shut the fuck up after this. The anxiety of a camera being on that I forget everything. Suddenly the camera's on, I forget everything about it. I actually watch this game and everything, and I watch a lot of the games, but then I get nervous. Yeah, you're not clutch. You don't have the clutch gene. I don't know what to tell you. Well, because I'm not content. I'm a producer.

Hashtag non-content. Unbelievable. Jacked up. All right. All right, I am doing the ads on this week's episode um after the three g because kevin had to run um so he doesn't know that i'm saying this so before we get into the auburn's ad i want everyone who's listening to this to tweet at kevin something along the lines of like dude wtf or that was weird bro or come on that's odd. Like, just, just make it seem like something he did something fucked up.

Everyone tweets out. This is so mean what I'm doing. This is so mean. I'd have a heart attack if I will just check Twitter and just tons of people have tweeted me like, that was weird, man. And, and I'd be like, what the fuck did I do i would i'd maybe end it all if and if i didn't know why i did it why i was getting those messages um but send them all to kevin because that's that's gonna be fun anyway today's episode or this segment is brought to you by all birds i am about to slip into my all birds right now i'm looking out i'm at my parents house i'm looking out at my gym.

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It's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S.com. Allbirds.com. We are here to kill the lizard. We are walking with God. This is the window into the soul of sinful men. Is he? You think he's gonna come on? I hope he comes on. I... I don't think he's gonna come on.

Why? Because I think he knows that we sandbagged the shit out of him. I don't think... I think he'd probably convert me. You're concerning me with how much you're on his side. I'm 100% on his side. He's speaking facts. Like... He's such a fucking loser. So what? Losers are right most of the time.

Losers are right most of the time? Yeah, like nerds, losers, other smart people. Bro, my cheeks that episode were so red it looked like I had clown makeup on. Oh, really, Jackie? You good? You do

Look at that It looks like I have fucking blush on Do you have rosacea? It was just this one day I was like in a rush to get here So I had to clean up my apartment real quick Because these people are looking to buy it So I like really was running around

And then I was sweating So I took a shower And the shower made it worse Bro, bro, hang on a second here. Are you telling me that you were discolored for hours because you cleaned? Yeah.

I was flushed and sweating for hours because I made my bed. I don't know what was happening. It was fucking crazy. See, my thing is I just stay red. You don't get red if you stay red. Yeah, you're just that color all the time. Yeah. And it didn't help that it matched my shirt completely.

Anyway, this is KFC Radio, the window into the soul of sinful men, which is the most poetic and accurate. I used to always tell people it's access to the unfiltered minds of the regular guys, but I think a window to the soul of sinful men is unbelievable. I think it's very, very good. It's access to the unfiltered minds of the regular guys. But I think a window to the soul of sinful men is unbelievable. I think it's very, very great. It's super accurate, and it's super poetic, and it's a great tagline. Once again, Pastor Brian just spitting facts. Pastor Brian.

Brother Brian is open invite to Brother Brian to come on the show. I genuinely would want him on. I think we'd have a lot of. I want to hear about how he makes his bed sing. I want to know what that means. He said he makes his bed sing. What does that mean? Him and his wife make that bed sing.

That means... God, he can only mean one thing, really. Yeah, no, he's talking about he drinks from the fountain of his wife, and he fucks his wife, and he loves sex. Oh, yeah. And he said that we're confusing pure sex with bad sex. He said you can have pure sex. That's good.

You think that brother Brian is laying it down? You think that he deep dicks this bitch? I would say. I don't think he does. I think so, yeah. You think Pastor Brian can fuck? Got a lot of pent-up rage. Yeah, well, that's the problem.

I think that he's either having vanilla sex or it's some weird, I've been a Christian my whole life sex. That's a problem. Those people are always the ones who are doing the weird shit. I think he's a man of God, and I think he's a beautiful spirit. What? Now you're getting weird. You just called Pastor Brian beautiful.

A beautiful spirit. It's a different thing. Fucking weird, dude. He's not very easy on guys. You're going to be their cuck, aren't you? You'll be their cuck? I can't be their cuck. Yeah, you'll be their cuck i can't be their cuck yeah i know but like yeah but like you'll be just in the corner jerking off dude

i'd be sure if he's like watch i fuck well get in the corner jerk off i'd be like all right you kidding me of course i would that'd be an absolute no-brainer you would jerk off to brian and his wife yeah if they invited me to Is there anybody who you wouldn't I mean no one I wouldn't try What No one I wouldn't try You would jerk off to anybody once

I could yeah I could fucking hammer it to anybody Anybody Fucking anybody You wouldn't even watch Portnoy's sex tape you pussy Yeah that's like a separation of church and state That's like If Dave was like If someone was like you have to jerk off in this room with this couple

And you said yes But then you open the door and it's Dave and his girl, what are you doing? I, goddamn no. I'm keeping this job, Kevin, so I'm answering no, no matter what. He wouldn't know. He wouldn't know. He wouldn't know. I got my invisibility cloak on.

Yeah, you're behind a wall or some shit. I'm still saying no. Pussy. That's a hard, fast no. Yeah, that's like the one, probably like the only couple in the world that wouldn't watch Vogue. Yeah. Literally like anybody else.

Just the idea that makes me uncomfortable. So weird. So weird. Well, yeah, but I mean, that's because you are a man with morals and a conscience and a moral compass, and you have values, John. I do have a lot of values. You have a lot of values and that's something that... I get the weirdest fucking emails.

Well, because you're a man of values. What are these emails? Why do I get emails about kid shit? Let's clarify what that means. Do you know the fucking most popular slide for young kids in the New York area?

Slide? Yeah. What is happening right now? The most popular slide for young kids in the New York area. Do you know where? No, creeper. It's your mom's throat Got him

Got him My cousin texted me that last night I was like oh I'm going to set this one up tomorrow I mean I was very concerned you're on some pedophile like chain of like hey here's the best slide to find the kids the setup for that i'm getting the weirdest email i've been feeling on my phone for a little bit yeah where's the most popular slide for kids in the area your mom's throat

young kids for young kids. Got him. Got him. What can I say? You got to know when you've just been burnt toast, bro. Just burnt to a crisp, man. Just pack it in. Call it a day. Mom's throat.

He's got jokes today. I hate you so much. What I was saying before I got roasted was Barstool Sports is a company of morals and values. And we, not we, but the non-content people, the producers, had a

meeting the other day or got an email the other day talking about company values. I wouldn't even know how, I wouldn't know where to start a guess with what our company values are I can't believe this is even a thing that's happening this is truly embarrassing

this is mortifying I said that Dave taking down videos because it was Hampton's Friends was the death of Barstool well these are the nails in the coffin these five values or whatever these are all the nails in the coffin. There's eight values. So many values.

Imagine working at a company. No, no, no. Everybody doesn't have to imagine because you work at a company right now. You are sitting at a company right now where you probably get emails about, hey, these are our core company values, and we should reflect these in all of our work. Barstool Sports is having meetings about our company values and recommending that employees print out the values and hang them up at their desk. That's a real thing.

That's a real thing that happened. And so we're going to go through the barstool sports company values which have uh conveniently been left out of being told to me yeah i don't know them either and i imagine most content people okay so we have them here blacked out we're gonna go one by one company value this is our first time seeing these they're intentionally being revealed one at a time number one rep the brand as best you can. All right. Okay.

I just hated rep. Rep the brand. Rep the brand, guys. Rep the brand. I don't know what else to say besides that. Two. An insufferable voice. We have lots of different brains be open to

them what does that mean i mean that's not wrong you know it's like you do have to keep an open mind but like okay three never change who you are that's who we hired now that one we can talk about because because uh virtually everyone who gets hired here i can't speak to the nerds so i don't know but virtually everyone who gets hired here lies about who they are and is completely underqualified to do what they do everybody like i can edit videos or i can do the show or i can do blah blah, blah, blah. And then you get the job, and it's like, I don't know. What the fuck do you do? So you have to immediately change who you are and actually become someone who can do this work. Because everyone else here is lying about their ability to do the work here.

Yeah. It's a real fake. I mean, it's like everything. It's a real fake until you make it. The most. This is the most fake until you make it ever. I think that. What is it?

I'm sorry. Read it to me again. Never change who you are. that's who we hired yeah i guess like yeah all right you know what in in like in a couple years when you know you're being told to do more work or you're not or you're not doing enough you're slacking just say you know what that's not how you hired i'm not changing remember me from 2018 that's who you hired that's all you get number four i'm the guy i i post i post links i post link shares imagine that's what i still did that's all final bird used to do is just click uh put links to other

websites other websites which is so funny that dave ever bought into that it was it is the way like back in the day that was the way to build traffic we link to you you link to us and everybody shares the same way that guests of podcasts go on each other's shows but like dave was always so like isolationist yeah you don't help anybody i remember when i i still technically don't go on other people's shows because of like from like five years ago when we were told we're not allowed to do that yeah everyone else in the world grows their bar their shows by going on other podcasts. Dave told us, no, don't do that. It was Desus, right?

Yeah, Desus and Mero. There was never a better show for someone from Barstool Sports to go on. They were big. They were on the come up. It was on television. It was legitimate. And it was an entirely different demographic. Like, finally, let's get outside this Barstool bubble that we know we have on lock.

No, don't go on that. You're going to help them grow. They're like, I'm putting Jesus and Mero over the top. Fucking morons. This next one's going to make you want to puke. Find the solution. Don't be the problem. I mean, like, quite, quite literally. No't be the problem.

I mean, like, quite, quite literally. No, John, stop. Whatever you're about to say. They're all pieces of good advice. Yes. Of course. Like, I wanted to make fun of them. It's all good advice. But they're, yes.

Don't print it out. No, I'm not. I didn't expect this to be a list of eight, like, dumb. I kind of did. No. These are all dumb, cor dumb corny stupid common sense fucking things that dumb corporate cultures tell you okay okay see because i've never worked in that corporate culture i didn't i didn't have a clue what to expect yeah i'm hearing this stuff these

are these are making a lot of sense yeah like don't be the problem no fucking kidding this is some shit that like deloitte would be like this would be like the uh't be the problem. No fucking kidding. This isn't some shit that, like, Deloitte would be. Like, this would be like the 2012, like, slogan of the year at Deloitte and Touche. Be the solution, not the problem. Dude, how about this? You know what the solution is? I'm going to put a fucking bullet in my brain. How about that?

Because I don't want to work at a fucking company that does company values, print it out, and put it in front of your computer, god damn it. That right there, find the solution, not the problem, is like the exact reason why I work at Barstool Sports, to avoid like that sentence right there. You fucking losers. I'm glad you said Deloitte. I was driving by Deloitte recently,

I think maybe in Stanford. And I, Kevin, it took me long after I drove past the building to be able to read it. I was like, Deliaz? Oh. Delati. Like one of the business names I've heard the most in my life. Yeah. And I was like, Deli.

Oh. And then like a long, long past it. I was like, Deloitte. That's what it was. My friends used to call it Delotti. Delotti and touch. Deloitte and Touche. When you work for an accounting firm and the name of your company rhymes with douche, I mean, it was like just open season every time.

When you're like a 22-year-old male and it's like, I work for Deloitte and Touche and everyone else in the room is like. Deloitte and Touche. In the 90s room is like... Deloitte and Touche? In the 90s, the last name Gay. Yes, exactly. We had some tough times in the playground today, kid. Sorry, Randall. Number five. Now this one we can talk about.

Don't be afraid to try something new. I have been shot down at virtually every turn at this company. Only to then, like three, four, five years later, be told to do the very thing I wanted to do several years earlier. There has never been a more close-minded company.

There's never been a more short-sighted, close-minded, penny-wise, pound- foolish company in the world than Barstool Sports. Don't be afraid to try something new. Suck my dick. That's fucking insane, man. It's also not what I was when you hired me, so I don't know. Yep, can't try anything new because I'm the same guy.

Number six. I was actually thinking about that on the walk to work today. I don't know why, but the PowerPoint presentation we had asking if we could use YouTube. And they were like, no. A full-blown pitch. Honestly, the hardest we – we didn't really work that hard on it. It was Logan, but it was like – No, but that was the – I can just definitively say that's the only time in my entire career here that we have worked.

We work hard, but it's always fun things and making cool videos and products and shit like that. The only time I've ever done anything corporate, PowerPoint presentation, Apple, what's it called? Mac presentation, whatever it is. made a slideshow listing out stats and and facts and trends about why barstool sports an internet company should be on youtube.com and what's crazy is we were it didn't work the presentation failed we were told no something about a bucket there can't be a hole in the bucket and i i understand like i i joke about that and ultimately obviously it was stupid and we should have been doing it since i mean kc radio was on youtube in 2012 if we had 10 years worth of growth we'd probably be in a better spot but at that point we had an internal player and we needed views to go to that player to make money to pay salaries so while everyone else on the internet was like you have to be on youtube barstool sports was like well we actually

pay our employees and we need to pay bills and make money so we had to do some things that were uh a little bit more profitable in the short term. But sacrificing YouTube for it, I think the final solution we came up with was like, you can do it, but you have to also, like we could, you had to put it on a player, the internal player, and you could link to it. It was some half-ass. I think we still do that.

Yeah, probably. I could be wrong. It's bullshit. I always try to tell these guys, just don't fucking do it. But then I get yelled at. It's like, well, then tell them we're not afraid to try something new.

Number six. I hate this one the most. Common sense. Use it. Like, yeah, I mean, I guess if we need to list these things out, motherfuckers. Like, that's a tough one. Yeah, come on. That's like I really wanted the list to be eight, and only have seven yeah i mean unless like you know but here's the problem as much as i make fun of this

corporate shit i'm sure managers of all companies can point out the times where their employees do wildly stupid shit it's like i didn't think i needed to list this one but okay you know so it's like i don't know turn the microphones on you know that's that's the yeah that's that would be common sense wouldn't it that would be common so you're right oh okay put this out put it right next to that cat here's a really good one here's the best one so far here's the best one so far because you're right all six of these things are like you're not wrong right this is all pretty much good. Here is some foo-foo, fluffy, what the fuck does this even mean bullshit?

And I'll be honest, I did expect like eight of these. So I'm happy we got one of them. Ready for this one? Be there for your audience. What does that mean? I don't know what any of it means. That is complete gibberish. That sentence means not a fucking thing.

Be there for your audience. That was someone who was like, we need eight things, and we only have seven. Be there for your audience. So you know what that is? You know what that is? That's like somebody's like, you know what? Like we've really just done like everything we can to like grow the numbers. Like we're pushing it. We're marketing. We're promoting. I don't know what? We've really just done everything we can to grow the numbers. We're pushing it.

We're marketing. We're promoting. I don't know what else to do. Any recommendations? And someone goes, you've got to be there for your audience. What the fuck does that mean? Is that be there, like have a fucking regular time you are? I have no fucking clue time you are now?

I have no fucking clue, John. It's gibberish. Like if it said be consistent with your audience, sure, that would make sense. If it said engage with your audience, sure. Be there for your audience? What do you want me to take you to the airport? You want me to help you move? You're breaking up with your girlfriend?

You need to talk about it? I mean, actually, we are all these things. In all those cases, if you asked me, I'd have no choice but to say yes. But what gibberish. If there was a direct, I could get away with it on Twitter. I'd pretend I didn't see it. But if you asked me to my face, I would oblige because. Because, well, you're a sucker. But while we're doing these, keep in mind these are from Blatman. I would oblige because because well you're you're you know you're a sucker how about but while

while we're doing these keep in mind these are from Blattman so imagine Blattman telling you be there for your audience from above oh

I thought Blattman was the one like he distributed it it's this is like to the whole company I think this comes from like Eric and up top

okay but I picture Blattman when he was the one distributing this so imagine Blattman saying he was the one distributing this. So imagine Blattman saying, he was the one that suggested I hang it next to my desk. Right, right.

So he's the one that was like, you know, printed out and put it up there. How would I slap you in the face? Number eight, always think about what more you can do to help that. I am wholeheartedly against in the corporate world. Absolutely not.

Strike that from the record. Always think about how little you can do to get by. That is the opposite of the mail time life. And that's what sucks. The real, I mean, I'm making fun of Barstool, but I obviously still think it's a great company. But the turning point is that. That is really what, like like if you can pinpoint the moment when you go from actually wanting to do shit for your company to i want to do as little as i can and get a paycheck that is like that is if you if you have to boil it all down to like

whether you work for a cool company or not whether you're happy at work or not when i was working for deloitte it was like fuck this place i just want to use them they're using me and i'll use them whereas like early barstool was like i want this to be as big as possible because we're doing something cool here you know yeah and i still feel that way about our work at barstool i don't know about the rest of the content and then the business people but it's like if if you are thinking about how you can help it's not how how can i but it's like if if you are thinking about how you can help it's not how how can i help it's like how can i fucking be awesome how can we make this cool uh how can we blow this up but the minute that that switches to like how can i stay under the radar so none of you motherfuckers see me while i can get a paycheck and do as little as possible

the minute how many what percentage of people do you think here do that? Do that? 95. No. I mean, nobody is thinking about how can I help? Everyone's looking for about themselves. Yes, correct. Now, what is good about this place is usually your personal success is in alignment. You get bigger, the company gets bigger. The company gets bigger, you get bigger. So it's like I'm not doing it out of the goodness of my heart. success is in alignment. You get bigger, the company gets bigger. The company gets bigger, you get bigger.

I'm not doing it out of the goodness of my heart. There was a time where I was doing it for Barstool. Now I'm doing it for KFC Radio and us. I don't think any of the new people, and they shouldn't. Once, it's impossible to keep the equity guys

type of vibe. You know what I mean? Because you're not. If you join this company now, you're joining a 20-year-old media powerhouse. There's no fucking – why would you feel like you're a part of – you're just jumping on the back right now. And you can add value and shit. But so I think that a company like this, it's probably still like more than the average company, but it's still probably a really low number. What I can't understand, I don't know about the business people.

Like I think the merch people are actually really like engaged. They're like they want to – and I'm sure it's commission-based and shit, so they're doing it for money, whatever. But like they work hard. They come with ideas. They are always available. They bust their ass during the holidays. I would agree with that. You know, like, those are the only people that I work with directly on the business side

that are, like, those are my people. You know what I mean? I trust them. I value them. They, like, we work together. Everybody else, I think, is just kind of, like, doing, you know, you have a paycheck and... Clocking in, clocking out. Yeah, and, like, and I get to, like, drop the Barstool name every now and then, you know, you have a paycheck and clocking and clocking out.

Yeah. And like, and, and I get to like drop the barstool name every now and then, you know what I mean? For better or worse. I disagree with that. There are a lot of salespeople, not, not in thinking about it on like trips and stuff we do that. Like, yeah, I mean, it's more like the support people.

Yeah. Like whatever. People, if I know you, I think, I think, I think you're very brother. I hate, if I don't know you, uh,'re very brother i hate if i don't know you uh i think poorly if i don't know you i don't know you because you know uh you know never change you are we just hired you we don't know who you are uh the there's like a few people who are leaving soon that are like part of the the business side of things that like they're the last people i know and there's going to be a whole new shift of new names coming in. And I'm like, oh, man, I really don't know anybody anymore.

Like, I just don't know anybody. I walk the halls and I'm like, I don't even know if they know me. You know, I'm like, we might just be fucking coworkers. It's just so weird to think that, like, you know, again, I only have the one. You're like doing a lap upstairs looking for Alison or someone on merge. And there are people working at their desk. And then who the fuck is this guy? That's what I'm wondering.

Cause I was going to say, I would, I bet absolutely for me, I would get less for you because of how much you're on the Instagram. Probably, but there's probably still people who, who don't, there's probably like,

there's probably less, but they're probably still people who don't know. Congratulations on the billion views. Billion views, man. That makes no sense. Well, here's what I think it is. I think that's like official views. Yeah, where you watch it for like minutes. No, no, no. I mean like a Jules Jordan

official post or like Adriana's official post. You know, there's so many videos that are like ripped off. Right, right, right. So like from official accounts, I would bet. So One Minute Man got a billion views in 20 months so that comes out like exactly even to 50 million views a month for almost two years and adriana chachik said she just hit a billion and i'm like since when yeah like you'll be like the biggest porn star forever for a long

time she probably i mean she probably has individual videos that have one. Like, not even kidding. So I was like, I don't know what metric you're using, but congratulations, Adriana. She's probably like, you know, a billion this week. Actually, I wonder if it's just from her official account. Let me check that. Like Pornhub with the blue check sort of thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, because Pornhub did, I bet you it's since Pornhub re-vamped everything, which was actually probably a similar time frame. Remember when they needed to get rid of all the rape stuff and all of the... Yeah, so it's just her account. Yeah, so that's probably like... So it's Adriana Chuch's official account. Pornstar rank 14, 1 billion views, 764,000 subscribers.

That's numbies. That's numbies. That's numbies, bro. Still less than I would expect. I would expect her to have a million subscribers. But think about how many people watch porn and don't subscribe. You know what's crazy?

We are known as, let's be honest, weird porn guys, right? I still would never even consider having a username and subscribing no that's lunacy but that's i guess the same thing as youtube youtube and pornhub like same thing like i would do two products that i use like a motherfucker and i would never even consider actually using never mind subscribe to the fucking channel and subscribe to YouTube. But I never would do that. I wouldn't, because here's the deal. Honestly, if Pornhub

was attached to my Gmail, I would subscribe. Because my YouTube is attached to my Gmail, I don't have to create an account. But even when you subscribe to YouTube, you still don't use it as you should. You know what I mean? But at least it helps the algorithm. Yes, that's a fact. But imagine being like

and maybe we fucking should because what do we do on the internet more than porn? But like imagine being like I like this channel. I like this couple. I like this person.

I'm going to subscribe and check and put this on a list and make my favorites and all that. I mean I'm sure there's a whole like community. My favorite porn is like Tom Brady's favorite ring.

The next one. On to the next. For real. But you got some nostalgia. I don't think back to my old porn. You got some nostalgia ones, though. You got a couple in the chamber. I got a couple in the chamber.

I keep those in a vault at home. Watch like Tom Brady's rings. Dude, one of my buddies tweeted today at WM's diary I'm going to fill it up real quick because it killed me it was where are we here disturbing content pushed across multiple networks

to get me to watch the Pam Anderson sex tape again and I was like oh yeah I honestly hadn't really thought of it and now that I am I'm going to watch that shit and sex tape again. And I was like, oh yeah, fuck. I honestly hadn't really thought of it. And now that I am, I'm like, I'm going to watch that shit on the train.

I fucking love you so much. So much love talking that one. Shut up and suck that. Yeah, for real. What is this, Pastor Brian's Corner again? As we were saying, though, about, you know, the people at the company that know you it's just crazy to me that we were at a point where uh i mean the only experience i can draw upon is like the five years i did at deloitte but it was like you know you would walk the hallway and

not know tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons of people the vast majority of somebody at a company you wouldn't know and again that's like a point of inflection like you flip the switch to like when you know everybody to not know everybody and it's been a while since i've known everybody but now it's like to not know the majority is crazy yeah and i'm like what do you what do you guys do it's crazy are you necessary yeah i mean we're on the essential personality we're on our island and we definitely have a lot of help and support i'm sure there's a ton of people who help us that we don't even know about but sometimes i'm like really this whole floor is necessary so let's real quick give give just like three let's do three actual barstool company values, meaning three things, three words of advice

you can give to somebody here to thrive at Barstool. Well, here's the deal. I'd probably give eight, and I'd give those ones because it turns out I'm lame. I think it's in fucking, I don't know where the phrase was officially coined, but I think it was in High Fidelity't know where the phrase was officially coined but I think it was in High Fidelity maybe where the music is too loud, you're too old.

And my new one would be if the corporate policies make sense you're lame. You're like, these are some good words of encouragement. But you know I'm going to nail these things to everyone's desk like fucking Martin Luther's 99 pieces.

I would say number one thing, like the number one way to actually thrive here would be suck up a Dave. That's what I mean. Like the way it's just. Honestly, the best way to thrive here is like Andy Dufresne meeting Michael Scott in the office. When it's like name repetition. Yes personality mirroring and something right like use our use our language use our our style that was that was one of the things when i like not when i first started but when i first went to boston that was one of the that was like a big hindrance to me because like the advice from dave was like be me yeah so i was trying to

be dave i know everyone's like you suck you're trying to be dave i know it's making me too but that's it's it's funny when you like you know that was back when you trusted dave to give you good advice to help you and not help him uh and then you realize that yeah it's like no i have to like make my own way but but so that's the thing. The quickest way to like. He was like, I don't know what to tell you. Just be funny. I'm funny. Be like me.

Be like me. Right. Which I get what he's saying. It's like when Jordan was like, I can't teach this. Yeah. But the quickest way to get some success is to do that. The best way to get real success. And it's harder. And it it takes longer and it might not pan

out and blah blah blah blah like be yourself you know what i mean it's like you can just you know dude being yourself here it's hard you're gonna fall on some hard times yes yes because if you're just if you're just like dave's buddy you will ride you, you will ride the private jets literally and figuratively. You'll be on the jet, right? If you're under Dan's umbrella, if you're a part of Dave, if you're doing something with KFC Radio, if you're a part of the established things, you'll be fine. But then a time will come where it's like, can you stand on your own? And you can't because you've made your entire persona something that

already is here you know what i mean so it's like you might you're not going to get as many views or downloads or whatever but and it'll take longer but if you're building your own thing you'll eventually you know have your own franchise or make your own get your own ads or whatever you know it's like it's uh i think like jared did a good job of that like i think jared could have easily just like sounded like everybody else or done what everybody else did and he like did baseball his way his weirdo way like his weird wrestling persona baseball wacko thing and and stuck to his guns and it paid off and like he created his own thing so and i'm sure

there were times where it was like probably easier to just fall in line or do whatever dave did or do whatever barstool always does um not that it's hard to be like the boston red sox guy at barstool it's not exactly like he was acting or something but jackie robinson and jared garoppolo just fucking you know just really broke the mold yeah But I think, yeah, so initially thrive, suck up to Dave and do what he wants and be like him. Long term, do your own thing. Two, I would say live in constant fear of screwing up. That's an important one for any job i think i think a healthy dose of fear is is is legit yeah i do it was i do the it shouldn't be it shouldn't like you know cripple you but like a healthy dough and i go back and forth because part of me thinks

nobody like i guess it really depends on how much you care about said company or product or service but it's like when i think about who i used to be afraid of sometimes i'm like that dude or that chick what do you mean like a manager or someone i was like oh you free bars yeah like i'm like oh my god like i fucked this up so bad like she's gonna she's gonna be so mad at me. Oh, no. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Like, you need to make sure, like, for your own self, make sure you don't get fired. Make sure you keep your paycheck. I would hope that you want to get a raise and a promotion and a bonus.

So do all of those things for that reason, not because you're afraid of getting, like, yelled at or whatever, you know? Because I used to be like, you know, what am I literally afraid of? And think about this. I tell people, like, young people this when they're working. you know because i used to be like you know what am i literally afraid of and i and and and think about this i always i tell people that young people this when they're working the same way that like you you will be you will think that someone is like some manager is like the end all be all and then you know a decade from now you realize that they were like 24 and that they were like dumb drunk and hung over and making it up as they're going to. And at one point I thought that they were like the smartest, most powerful people in business.

And I realized that they were just faking it too. It's why the Stanford project was such a disaster so quickly. Yeah. Because like these, just the semblance of power is, it just throws off so much. The power dynamic is like everything. I used to think that bouncers were like a step below the Air Force. Right, like they will throw you in jail.

These men are like, thank you for your service. Dude, that's a guy who pretends to look at my license while I walk into a bar. Healthy dose of fear, like he'll fucking break your face. Maybe. Not what we're talking about nick

was a bouncer yeah nick ain't breaking faces i broke a few yeah oh yeah see nick will break your face i mean when you're facing off against a drunk person and you're sober well that's the thing is like like i would say there are still bouncers when you are like the uh the you know here you got your blazer on your sport coat on and you're like you're dropping like uh you know do you know my dad is like you should probably be afraid of the bounce right because you might knock the fuck out but but yeah uh maybe maybe be afraid but don't be afraid i don't know i always say i always tell you guys here right i'm like i don't make me make you be afraid but just be afraid just operate as if you're afraid without me actually making you afraid. Because then you'll do good work.

I remember one time, Dan and I, Dan was in Boston for something, and we wanted to go out. And we were like, because we were so scared something would happen. Like, dude, that was, I feel like we've talked about it ad nauseum and like the old days, and it's probably getting to the point where it's like, all right, we fucking get it, dude. It was hard back in the day. And not hard, but you know what I mean.

And I remember me and Dan just so – we were like – there wasn't anything big happening, I don't think, but we were just so scared that something was going to happen. You would live in fear of just the chance that something might occur in the world. Bro, we were like trying on different pairs of pants, and we got an iPod because back in the day, and honestly, I don't even know if you can now. I think you can now.

You couldn't blog from your phone. It was impossible. It could not be done. Barstool. Other companies maybe, but not Barstool. Yeah, right. You could not blog on Barstool's WordPress from your phone. So you had to have a laptop with you.

So we got iPads, but they were like the mini iPads, and we were just trying to jam them into our pockets. So in case something had – so like in order to go to a bar for a night, the company wasn't buying iPads. Spent like a couple hundred bucks on an iPad, like altered our pants. Like put like slits in pockets so like an ipad could fit in it just like a couple hundred dollar night when we didn't have a couple hundred dollars yeah just to go to the bar in case something might have occurred i mean i used to sometimes bring a full laptop or i would have i would have

a friend at home i all my friends had my login, and everybody knew the WordPress backend a little bit. Enough that they could put up a blog for me when a home run was hit, or someone had a walk-off, or something big happened in the game. That was probably the closest we've ever been, as a score. Because we all had each other's backs. Someone was always near the computer at one point.

You know what it was? It was like G-Chat. Who's not going out tonight? Who's not busy tonight? It was the blogging equivalent of a designated driver. You guys go out tonight and have fun and I'll be the guy at home and I got your back and we publish

under each other's names. I would just write it for you or whatever. I don't know. There probably some times where dave would be like would email the team and be like how the fuck did nobody put up like that this happened but i think for the most part that was a personal thing really rare it was it was it was like dave probably instilled it and scared us a little bit but most of the time that was just because i wanted to be the first one up yeah i wasn't going to let any other new york blogger or any other sports blogger or any other barstool blogger beat me to that thing because i wanted to be the biggest and the

most followed and the most clicks and so there is that's and that would be my third thing i guess and that just applies to anything in the world like you have to have like personal pride and that's really why i think the major difference between jobs you like and jobs you don't, companies that are cool, companies that are not, so few people have actual pride in what they do. And they shouldn't. I'm not saying you should. Most of these jobs fucking suck. You should be proud of whatever

the ditch you're digging. But if you're lucky enough... Your name is on it. Yes. It reflects you. That's a good point, too. But if you are lucky enough to work at a place like that like having that personal drive so i guess what that was a pretty corny company values too so i guess uh i guess this whole thing blew up my face i mean it blew my mind but it blew my mind literally uh tip one except all i had for it was the brand when you just repeat something back in a lame voice like that's all you got it might be all right yeah rep the brand as best as you can but i mean it's just dumb it's either common sense

or gibberish is really this whole thing but hey that's where we're at um and if you can't if you can't get a job like that um you can always just start sucking stuff on Twitch. Here's the deal. When you first had sex, if I told you one day, there would be a swipe that could make you do that so much longer that you didn't have to think of baseball players. You didn't have to do the alphabet forwards or backwards. You didn't do any of that fancy stuff. Just science has caught up with your imagination. That's what's happened now.

That's how in the future we live. Science has caught up with the male mind That's what's happened now. That's how in the future we live. Science has caught up with the male mind. Okay? We have swipes now from Roman. Go to GetRoman.com and get your first monthly plan of swipes for just $5. Okay? You choose a monthly plan, you get it for $5. You get to live in ecstasy for as long as you want for the price of $5.

Okay? All you do is come to this discreet little packaging, almost like a little wet nap. You rip that out. You wipe it on your peep. Guess what? You're banging all night long. You're making all her dreams come true. She's going back and she's telling friends, this guy should start an OnlyFans.

He's so good at sex. It's crazy. Go to GetRoman.com slash KFC. get your first one of the swipes for just five bucks that's get roman.com slash kfc five bucks and if you can't if you can't get a job like that um you can always just start sucking stuff on twitch excuse me yeah yeah uh new the newest trend on twitch so there's there's twitch streamers right there's something called just chatting on twitch which is just like you're just hanging out in chat rooms okay right and uh what what what these what what the gals of twitch are doing now is just going into just chatting and they are just uh like deep throat and stuff oh yeah yeah show me um pull up i'll

pull up m rags's blog which is the best example of it because it's just this chick sucking stuff? yeah no no don't get me wrong I'm totally on board with it I don't know why I won't load this app stinks here we go so it

started on Twitch with they had what they called hot tub meta which was just like hot chicks in like an inflatable hot tub hanging out. And, of course, horny dudes are on there. Fuck yeah. Right? And now the latest is under the guise of ASMR,

but they are just basically doing softcore porn where they're sucking on dildos. And a lot of them are. Just dildos or anything? Well, they're not. They're phallic. Like the one thing this girl... I wish I could just... I don't know how to fucking explain this, really.

That girl's got a great ass. She's got a great ass! The very top one is the one we need. It's this ASMR device, right, that has, like, two ears that are, like, silicon. And there's some sort of like jack hammering dildo in the middle that she just sits there and just fucking pounds her throat yeah and it's just like hot chicks and it's always a little weird on twitch have you ever noticed that they're always in like onesie pajamas and it's always like a little bit oh it's all infantilization yeah it's a little

weird like that but there's also a rapido there's there's the one the one chick i saw who was just uh and then there was this girl whose name was like anna ruth it sounded like something from like lord of the rings dude i was trying yeah and i that. It's a lot smaller than that. Don't worry. Huh? If you want to do the Twitch thing, it'll be a smaller dick. Don't worry. I can't.

By the way, did I do this on here yet? Everybody making fun of Nelly's dick? I didn't see. Oh, here we go. Oh, wow. Yeah. So. Okay, here's the cheat.

Okay, I already have a complaint. She never takes it out. So I can't fucking see. See? Yeah, right yeah right right right right but well i mean i'm fucking i'm fucking just chatting so wait your complaint is that she's not actually chatting john uh-huh your complaint is that all my complaints i can't see how big the fucking piece is okay so so so

all right you want to keep going keep doing do it into Do it into the mic. It's all ASMR. That's the point. That is John's thing banging on his teeth. Yeah, I gave him a toothy suck job. Well, that was not your best, but we do know from the Burt Kreischer episode that you suck. That would be my complaint on Emrag's blog. There's no video of him doing it. Yeah, he should have done it.

Absolutely. You know what? Since we're in some fucking old school Barstool talking. If he fucking sucked it. Everyone's writing about it. Fucking show us how you fucking suck a fucking thing. Absolutely. Show us how you just chat, Emre.

Every website's writing about it. Yeah, why don't you do it? Be about it. Deep throat that shit, man. Fucking suck. Oh, shit. Do that again. He didn't have a camera. You got that whole thing in there.

You unhinged that. I almost had it. You got this. You got this. You would give great head, man. This is spitty now. Does it look like that i'm seeing stars bro i'm seeing stars if you give good head you're probably gonna knock yourself out uh those those chicks are just sucking stuff that are asm equipment and, uh, just racking up views,

man. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I'll guess what podcast going viral now. And if you would just, if you would just commit to being a little fucking horny little minx, you are in heart,

you know, just having only fans, dude, me having only, Oh, by the way. So I didn't, I didn't,

I didn't defend Nelly's dick yet. Oh, so many people clowning Nelly's dick. I didn't see it on the censored. It is a big dick. It's like, this happens a lot on black Twitter when rappers go viral with sex tapes. If you don't have a fucking 12-inch dick, they're like, look at you little penis this dick I would guarantee that 99% of the people

on Twitter clowning him would trade dicks with him if they were asked I mean it's just oh I can't get it on Twitter's not working he's

three quarters oh he's not stiffed up he's not all the way up that's fucking a mistake you can't be leaking not stiffy yeah that well that

well you know we disagree we talked about it before. Because I would think that most people would understand and give you the benefit of the doubt. But if they're going to, yeah. Listen, if the whole world is going to think that my three quarters is my full, then, yeah, we're going to have problems.

Well, that's for like when it's just kind of flopped over the kitchen sink or the bathroom sink for a picture. But I'm getting sucked off. But she's giving him like get you hard sex. Yeah, the still I saw looked like head head, so if it's the... Well, I mean, you know, she's... Yeah. So here's the thing.

She's got one hand on the bottom, right? It's not full four knuckles, because she probably puts her pinky out. You know, you kind of do that thing. Yeah, she's classy. Right? So she's got... It's three knuckles worth. Okay.

And then the rest of the dick remaining is enough to probably hit the back of her throat. So that's at least two hands of dick. With the tip to spare. If you're not... Okay, now here she's pretty... A lot of stuff going on here.

This could be... She's got two fingers on that thing there. That's like they're too flat. And then the bottom one... And now just a head in her mouth? No, no, no. It's a fine dip. It's a fine dip.

It's a fine dip. But that's more than tip. That's more than tip? Like more dip comes out. I mean, I don't have it memorized with the screen. I don't know why I'm defending Nelly. He would not defend us. Nelly didn't like us.

Nelly did not care for us at all. But I will defend his dick because it's bigger than mine. So let's fucking stop. Let's keep the bar. As men and women,

we all, but certainly as men, the lower we keep that bar, the better for all of us. You're shooting yourself in your own dick if you make fun of that dick for being small. Yeah. Because unless you're a part of the 7 and up club. It's easy to shoot yourself in the dick like Nelly's, that fat hog. And that was another thing.

A lot of people were talking about the girth. A lot of people were talking about the girth and they were like, he's got girth, but he doesn't have length. And it's like, well, if we're splitting hairs here about, well, Nelly's got a fat cock, but not a long cock, then it's a fine dick.

Some are bigger and some are wider like let's not make fun of the dick if you're also in the same breath gonna talk about fattity honestly unless it's like exceptionally tiny or weird looking leave a dick alone that's my that is my point man it is i saw i i saw some dick the other day on pornhub because most porn dicks even the am amateurs, are just like normal. You know what I mean? And this dude's dick. Amateur porn is hugely important for two reasons.

One, to remind us that, hey, this is what penises look like. Yeah. This is what a penis looks like. A normal one, yeah. And two, hey, this is what buttholes look like. Yeah. Not great. Not great.

A lot of them. It's not even the hole. It's the surrounding. It keeps men and women. In check. them. It's not even the whole. It's the surrounding. It keeps men and women. In check. Yes. Just so you know. Right.

This is. Right. And also, and so respect the ones that are, you know what I mean? Respect the work they do to make both of those things really pretty. I saw this dude's dick, though, and it was a true amateur couple. You know, amateur now is like your pro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. was a true amateur couple. You know, amateur now is like your pro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was some amateur shit.

And this dick, man, it looked like it got caught in a grinder or something. It looked like it went through some trauma. It was like curved, and it truly looked like a mushroom, right? And the top comment was just some dude said man what's wrong with your dick again i would never have a username i would never leave comments but when you see when i see real comments on pornhub not the one you know not ones like come over to my page look at my asshole when they're either when they're really uh um like emotional you ever seen those ones where they're like i'm like uh like i keep you know i keep coming to pornhub like looking for you know happiness and i always leave empty and people are like stay I keep coming to Pornhub looking for happiness,

and I always leave empty. And people are like, keep your head up, champ. You'll find love soon. It's like a support group. Or just funny ass, they're like tweets. They're like funny comments. And that guy's going, dude, what is wrong with your dick? Because the whole thing was thinking it.

I've heard that the Pornhub comment section is one of the most wholesome places on the internet. Absolutely. I've never really been into it. Doesn't that check out? I've seen viral tweets of it, so I've never really checked it myself. I think, doesn't that check out? I think that out of all the genres of people that we've ever encountered, I would say the adult stars are the nicest people. Like the nicest guests we have, right?

Yeah, but I wouldn't say the adult consumers. No. Because that's what's in the comments section. Yeah, but I do think it's like Barstool is responsible for our toxic fans. You are who you represent. You represent who you are. I like that loophole. But yeah, man.

Good to know that we could just start sucking stuff on Twitch If things go wrong Does that feel good Jackie That like There's a safety net Yes We've kind of talked about it before with OnlyFans But you could even just be like Alright I really fell on some hard times

I'm gonna like suck this bottle on Twitch That's why Jackie doesn't turn the microphones on She's like, I'll fucking soak up this healthcare for a little bit and then once this thing goes downhill I'll just get a raise. First of all, that's not who you hired.

Smart girl. If we ever fire you, what? I just feel like I've said enough dumb stuff on this podcast where I wouldn't really have many options otherwise. See, that's another thing, speaking of older days. That's what I used to think of with Barstool. I'd be like, well, I'm fucked now.

I can never get another job. Not anymore. And I just don't think that's the case anymore. I mean, I can say now. You put on your resume that you're like a, what do you call yourself again? A senior producer. A super senior producer.

Super? Yeah, it goes off everything. Super senior producer? A super senior producer. Super? Yeah, it goes off everything. Super senior producer. I might as well just go to the top. I'm Al Breton. I'm just kidding. No, but now you put Barstool on your resume.

It's mostly a plus. You might run into some values, company values issues, but yeah, no, it is now. But I think that goes for almost everything. I don't think it's just Bart's, but I think any kind of content. I think despite

the ever-present howls about cancel culture, I think that most people, like you can get a job even if you said fucked up stuff. Yeah. Well, we'll see. I don't know. I don't know if I agree with that. You can get a job,

and there's a lot of jobs that will be... I think working in content that was super frowned upon 10, 15 years ago, I do not think that prohibits you from getting a job anymore. I think, just speaking personally, I. Maybe a job hosting the Grammys, but a regular job. Well, I have a dream of, at some point, hosting something. Game show, reality show of some sort. Like, of, you know, a major streaming service or channel or whatever.

And I don't think that'll happen. I think that I will, there will come a point in my career where I will, like, be in the running for that. Where I will get the job, and I think my Jewish tweets will fuck me. That's just my thought. I will for sure be a part of cancel culture. Danny Vineyard was right. No, it's always the one that if I was Jewish, I'd kill myself. That's going to bite me.

I think some doors will be closed to you if you were a person of Barstool that was a real Barstool person, but not every door, and that's the point. Somebody said to me the other day, again, one of the Kirkman fans, I said, man, the blog I wrote back. Oh, you know what? Let's read that blog real quick. Okay.

Let's do some, what do we call that? Barstool story time. John did his blog recently. I'm going to do my old blog because a- This is like finding oil. It is. Finding an old blog that holds is this is uh really this is like finding oil like finding an old blog that holds up and it's still funny like i remember when i had the one that went viral about uh zola and the headline was just zola and her whore friend i love that i think that one holds up i was like jesus christ well it's the same sort of thing i said like man 2013 was a different time

it was so much more fun and someone said do you still think cancel culture doesn't exist it's like did i say that i got canceled because i'm not like because i'm not writing that style of blog anymore that's cancel culture it's like there's no cancel yeah what is that what's that that's if you want to tell me that like it's awful it's a shame that my comedy has changed over the years like fine but we've been over that a million times which is like so you still don't think cancel culture exists there's no canceling in this example so what the fuck you're talking about so this story we talked about a little bit on friday night pints you might have followed along on twitter and seen it but tommy smokes made a very funny video i i personally think tommy's funniest i think tommy's one of the

funnier people at barstool i often think in my in head a lot, if we had a draft, kind of like the NBA All-Star game, who I would take and the order in which I would take it. Sometimes I think about I wouldn't take you with my first pick, hoping that I could get you with my second pick because someone else is going to be like, well, I don't work with John. I almost want to see if I can hold you to my fifth pick. I'm always trying to think of who else I would put in there. And I think Tommy for value and pound for pound is one of the funniest people here when he gets his weird brain cooking. Because you can't get that brain anywhere else.

You know what I mean? That's a weird one-of-a-kind brain. But anyway. You can get it elsewhere. I mean, anywhere with autism. You pop into any old autism house, you'll find a couple of times. Go to the autism store. Just hit up the tism shop.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. You guys got autism on deck? This video with Hannah Cook. I'd like it on craft, please. Tommy has his running series with Hannah being his girlfriend. And in this video, she says she's gluten-free. And Tommy said it was his genuine

reaction. It wasn't scripted, where he's like, you pathetic bitch. You can't eat gluten. And that got the gluten community upset. And they began tweeting at Tommy with a picture of Dave Portnoy with a quote from my blog. And Dave was like, this doesn't seem right. I didn't say this. And Tommy was like, nobody at Barstool ever said this quote. And then people dug it up and they were like, it was KFC in 2013. And Tommy was like, well, fuck. Like, anytime you're about to say something like, nobody here said that,

pause and remind yourself that I was here from 2009 to 2014. Because I really believe, I think 2009, I'll give it 10 because I needed to get my feet underneath me. 2010 to 2014, I think is the greatest blogging that has ever been done on the internet. I don't think anybody's catalog can touch mine. And it's because of blogs like this. This was from the Disney Channel forced to pull show because it shames kids with gluten allergies. The Disney Channel pulled an episode of a show called Jesse from the regular programming because of backlash from parents. Let me see exactly what

happened in the episode. In the episode, a young character named Stuart who is sensitive to gluten is made out to be annoying and high maintenance. For example, when another character throws pancakes in his face, the in-studio audience laughs at him along with everyone else in the scene. That's hilarious. That is funny. That is fucking funny. Throw pancakes in his face? Here, you gluten bitch.

It's funny, right? And keep in mind, this is is 2013 basically 10 years ago because think about well what i'm about to read are things that we these are ruth conda this is a ruth conda tweet but 10 years ago because this woman said uh oh it's not even it's gluten dude who is the same guy okay we'll get into it it's the same guy that is bothering tommy right now at least this guy's got longevity his name is gluten dude um when mom amy rassel rassel vich rassel vich saw this episode with her two children who both have celiac disease she was appalled and her kids were very upset quote there were tears in my daughter's eyes and my son's fist was clenched.

How old were they? My gluten-filled dick. They didn't say. They didn't say. Imagine that, a little kid getting so angry. Doing the fucking Arthur meme. Shut up, motherfucker. I'll beat your ass with French bread.

So Disney pulled the episode and she said that kids are often ostracized because of their condition and disney portrayed the issue uh one last thing here they said they will often feel excluded or different because they have to avoid serious illness yet disney gave children permission and an example to further isolate my children and others like them because of their medical condition their characters made it okay to characterize a real illness as an annoyance that is justification for the cool kids to make fun of the others. And this isn't acceptable. It's a form of bullying. And so I blogged this.

And this was something we wrote. We've written so many blogs over the years. And some of them I remember. Some of them are like classics or became controversial or were a focus on the rundown or whatever. And you remember them. And then there's, you know, thousands that we've written. And that's like you could read it back to me and i'd be like was that me was that you was that you know it may be a a stylistic thing but i wouldn't remember the topic so my blog goes

my two favorite hot button issues of the day one when people call making fun of something quote shaming and two allergies shaming is the newest buzzword used by all the pussies in the world let's get one thing clear i am not shaming fat people i'm making fun of them because i think they are gross i'm not shaming sluts i'm making fun of them because they give up the pussy too easily i don't care that they're ashamed or if it's a shame that they're fat or big whores. To be honest, I don't even really understand the term. All I know is I'm fucking making fun of them.

Don't make me sound like some bitch by saying that I shame people. Now for allergies. Fucking allergies. What a bunch of fucking babies the world is with allergies. Oh, you're allergic to pollen? Guess what? The whole fucking world is. Oh, dust irritates your eyes?

No fucking kidding, pal. And I'm sorry that you can't even look at a fucking peanut butter at a fucking peanut without your throat closing up. But guess what? Peanut butter and jelly is ridiculous. And that's what the kids are going to eat in the cafeteria. We're not going to tell the whole school to stop eating PB and J because one dickhead can't smell peanuts without dying like a pussy. Oh, and as far as this, and and this is like this is the kicker here oh and as far as the gluten thing listen kids if you're allergic to gluten you might as well find some gluten-free bullets and put one right in your head because there's gluten in just about

every fucking thing in this world so you better be able to sack up and deal with the goddamn disney channel cracking some jokes about you because trust me your life is going to be a lot worse than that. I mean, that type of blogging makes me happy. Like it makes like it feels good. I remember that time. It was still fun. It's what I feel like most comfortable doing. It was a time where we could say all that shit like like that blog went off without a hitch that's probably a size thing

i'm sure if gluten dude read it then it would he would have been up in arms but like i what i love when we go through the old stuff the most is like when we did the kaepernick rundown dan and dave didn't bat an eyelash when I said what I said you know what I mean like in the moment nobody what did you say

I said that he had terrorist skin Jesus Christ did you really yeah that's what I mean like in the moment Dave was like I don't think he's black

and I was like yeah I know he's got that terrorist skin and nobody flinched like in the moment Dave wasn't even like, did you not know this? I mean, I knew there was controversy about it,

but I don't think I ever watched it. That's why I apologize because I was like, whoa. When I heard that, I was like, oh my God. It wasn't a joke, just get him to say it. I didn't know exactly. I knew the Kaepernick rundown was a thing, but I don't think I ever rewatched the clips or gave it much time.

Dave was like, he's not black. And I was like, yeah, he looks a little tear of skin. Woo! But nobody cared back then. It was just like, not only was there not outrage, but it was kind of just like, oh, that was funny. Next. Let me go read Feidelberg's blog and keep the fucking cycle going. But it's very funny knowing how the gluten world is now.

And just back then, there was like one blogger how like the gluten world is now. And just back then there was like one blogger being like, our lives are hard. And we were like, shut up, pussy. Amazing. Can we appreciate how perfectly I folded this piece of paper in half? How perfectly you folded the piece of paper in half? That's amazing. That's a really good fold.

Is this a sticky? Yeah. And you stuck it? I mean, that is a perfect try. Is this a sticky? Yeah. And you stuck it? I mean, that is a perfect triangle. There is maybe, maybe a tenth of a centimeter. It was just a complete accident. I was like, holy shit, this is really a perfect fold job.

We need a protractor right now, because I bet you this would measure perfectly. This is a perfect 30, 60, 90 triangle. Yeah. John, if I gave you the length of these two, could you get the hypotenuse? No shot. Do you got- Wait, A squared plus B squared is C squared. Do you know what that's called? The

theorem. Wait, let her talk it through. The hypotenuse. Yeah, you got it. No, you're combining them. Pythag...

Pythagory... Hypath... You're thinking of hypotenuse and you're combining it with Pythagorean theorem. There you go! I like hypath... I can't even say what you were

doing, but that's fine. That's a good clip. You were having a goddamn stroke. That was crazy. I would love to have, like, if we were, like, scanning her brain. That shit was lighting up. She was close to landing that plane. I'm going to put this on the Wall of Fame.

Oh, that's good on the Wall of Fame? The triangle? Yeah. Wow, I'm quite honored. I mean, it's a Hall of Fame triangle, and you've got to sign this. No, I'm good. You've got to sign this triangle. Do you have any more of that paper?

No, I don't know where this came from. It's right there, I think, right? Get me that. I'm going to see if I can do it. That's what it was, right? Yeah. Uh-oh. That's what it was, right? Yeah. I'm going to try to do it. Did you ever do, like, this is a question I know is about to backfire on me,

but, like, did you ever do, like, origami when you were a kid? What? Did you? No. Oh, okay. Like, that is some weird kid shit. I don't know, John. To to be honest i just did it in one second yeah yeah like literally just one right that's that's perfect as yours

yeah yeah it's uh turns out we got a little excited about folding paper pretty much pretty far well maybe maybe we're the best at it. Jackie, try to fold this. If you can fold it, just do it real quick like I just didn't see. Remember those kids who would do like a... Pretty perfect. You know what I really thought was weird? I actually don't even know what organ is. How are you already on paper two? You already fucked up?

Because it wasn't sticky. It wasn't sticky. That's not true at all. That means you just fucked up. Yeah, you good? Yeah. I guess, yeah, fine, never mind. Yeah.

Whatever. It gave you a moment. We can edit all that out. The people who did the little origamis that were like... I actually think, I can't see. This might be better than both of yours. No. I mean, at the very most, it's a tie because ours are perfect.

I don't know. I mean, I do know. You guys. We do arts and crafts on KS Radio. You'll find brains like Tommy anywhere. It is time for an ad. I get excited doing adverts for Whistlepig. That's how much I love Whistlepig.

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Remember the kids who made those things like – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick the color. Pick the number. And you open it up and it's like, you're going to marry Jackie Jackie. It's like, what the fuck is that about? Believe it or not, I used to do that shit. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Those ones are the origami. Yeah, no, that and then like, I don't know. I got like for Christmas one year, it was like a fold, a different type of paper airplane every single day. I used to do that shit. What are those things called? Does that have a name? Cootie catchers.

Yeah, cootie catchers. Cootie catchers? Or fortune teller. That sounds inappropriate. I was going to ask you if your generation... You know what I call a cootie catcher? A pussy. I was going to ask you if your generation did these as well.

Because it probably is stopping. You did it? I was big. I bet you my kids won't. They're not doing paper stuff. I don't know, yeah. I mean, she's doing paper shit in like, right now, in like kindergarten, but by the time you're doing those things,

like, find out who your boyfriend is. It's gonna be like a app. You know? That sucks. Did you play MASH? Yeah! I hope MASH How did you play MASH again? Well, the actual way is Mansion

What's M-A-S-H Did you play MASH again? You like do... Well, the actual way is mansion... What's M-A-S-H stuff? Mansion? No, marry... Mansion, apartment, shack, house. That's like what you live in. Because there's different variations of it. Yeah, yeah.

I think everybody put their own twist on it. It was pretty much like, how do I subtly tell my crush I want to hook up with? Yes, yes. That's what everything you ever did in elementary school was. It was just trying to alert the person. It was... You would do... I remember there were certain things like you would draw, you would do spirals, and you would tell me when to stop, and then I'd be like, one, two, three, four, like lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that means four over here is like your. What kind of little fucking. Play the MASH game. Astrology psychopath. Wait, let's play MASH right now with the KFC radio team. Pick one, pick colleges. Okay, so let's play mash right now with with uh the kc radio team pick one pick colleges okay so let's do uh who so this is you playing mash right i guess so yeah so let's do um what you south carolina southern cow and uh nick where'd you go iowa iowa so we are pulling hard for not Iowa. Three people you might marry.

Kate Beckinsale. I'm going to butcher this name. It's very easy. Close enough. I-N. Gungirl. And who's in between who's like a in-between or like just like a normal? Who is just in-between? No, let's do like, you got to do somebody real. Like, um, uh, gay Pat.

Name three cities. Okay, so, uh, New York. Columbia. Columbia? South Carolina. Oh, okay, no, um, was it Charleston, South Carolina? Charleston, is that where you're going to move? Yeah, Charleston, South Carolina? Charleston, is that where you're going to move? Yeah, Charleston, South Carolina.

And like Fallujah. Fallujah? You're really going to fuck that up. Just do Afghanistan. By the way, Real Nash. Even that one's coming out pretty slow. Real Nash, I feel like, had more. This is who he hired. Everyone's just going to use that one.

This values thing is going to backfire big time. Choose three numbers. Okay. I'm going to say 3, 7, and 21. 3 times 7 is 21. Choose three college majors. What did you major in? Communications.

What a dumb bitch. Communications. That's the fakest shit ever. I knew it. You were creative writing or something? Creative writing. Even dumber. Yeah, I was going to say, I got the fake.

Creative writing and accounting, okay? Last one. Occupations. Blogger. Accountant. Landscaper. No, no, no. One's got to be like mail stripper or something like that. Only fans model.

Only fans model. Draw the spiral. I remember the spiral. Yeah, all right. I remember the spiral. How did you do that? Are you retarded? I mean, Pat's had some struggles with this.

Did you really not know how to draw a spiral? No, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I knew what a spiral was. I didn't know what I was supposed to draw. I didn't know what I was actually supposed to draw a spiral. So this is what I mean. This is like the automated version, which is basically the same

thing as what we did, but it's just not the same as doing it on a piece of paper. So what, you count six every time and cross it out? Okay, so I am living in South Carolina. I am married to a gun girl.

Wait, why are there the two different places, though? Like, ones where I live and ones where I... Because it's school in South Carolina. So read it off. You'll graduate from South Carolina, majoring in creative writing, and after graduating, you'll marry Gun Girl. You'll settle down in New York City, live in a house, and spend your days as an accountant.

You and Gun Girl will have three kids, one girl, two boys. The end. Shoot me in the fucking head with one of your guns, Caitlin Bennett. Holy shit, that life sucks! It's not so far off. And my point still stands. My point still stands. I just got to move to South Carolina, basically.

No, no. It was in New York. It was just my life. It was just my life. And I married a woman. You went to a different college. I live in New York. I had a few kids.

I was an accountant. And I married someone I don't get along with. Yeah. That's just MASH predicting my life. That was a... That was a moment. I need a breather. Holy shit.

You just didn't give Fordham as an option, so I was like, I guess we'll just pick a different college. MASH just fucked me up, dog. That was unbelievable. That didn't even enter. I was just like, oh, okay. You're like, that's pretty close. That didn't have any of the fun answers.

It didn't have the famous people. It didn't have the crazy city. It didn't have the high number. It was just like the crazy city. It didn't have the high number. It was just like, here's a regular ass life, dude. But wait, yeah, that was funny. But the real version, it was, you're going to live in a mansion. You're going to drive a Ferrari. You're going to, you know, that was none of the fun stuff.

You just got a house. You just got a house. Oh, okay. By the way. By the way, it floods all the time. So, find out today that house sold again. I mean, they must have just been fucking done with it like I was.

Granted, the world is a very, very different place, but they sold it for $200,000 more than we did. I saw the pictures, and they tricked this place out it looks fucking awesome they did all of the shit that i was like i if i wanted to do like if i could have all the things i would have done i would have knocked down this wall i would have made this the kitchen i would have they painted it all blue like colors and shades of blue that i

love everything looked amazing and you know that they were and the reason we didn't i remember someone being like don't put lipstick on a pig you know like this place sucks don't put all your money into it so i think they just dumped all their cash into making it beautiful and we're probably like we're gonna be here for a long time and then i mean there's been so much rain and so much snow and shit that they must have just been like, fuck it. We got to move. And I think they sold it for like 200 grand more.

I bet you they broke even. That's how much work they did. Really? And I mean, I'm just thinking like they probably were like, let's make this our forever home. And then like as soon as they did all that, they probably had like three feet of water in the basement. I remember, I'm sure I brought up on highest floor.

I remember the house I grew up in used to flood so bad that we rearranged the earth. Like we brought in. That's what I was told, the only way to stop this. Yeah. Because my, and it was, they said it would have been at least $100,000 of like, at least. My driveway went down. Yep. And then there was a garage and they said we would need to

fill in the earth the height of the garage oh really? so we would have needed to make 12-15 feet of earth see how hard that would be? to make like 15 square feet

of just the ground used to go like this and now the ground just goes like that I was like nope 15 square feet of just... The ground used to go like this, and now the ground just goes like that. I mean, it was... I was like, nope. Nope, not doing that. We had multiple big trucks, like fucking trucks to build an overpass.

Yeah, right. And then we made... Once we had that, because it was flatter back there, my dad was like, alright, we'll put an addition back there now. And we... I'll never forget this. We put in an addition. We went away for like a month. We went on vacation.

A month? Something like that. We went for a long time. Because we couldn't live on the house. Oh, okay. There might have been some time at my grandfather's house, and then some time we went up skiing. We came back when the project was supposed to be done.

Not even close. Bro, they built a house around our house. To live in? So they could work, in case it snowed. But I was like, well, it didn't fucking snow. So now you've just spent all your time building a temporary house around the house. I've never seen this in construction before. I've never seen my dad move that.

It was crazy. He's like, you haven't started on our house yet because you've been busy building this fucking house? For a potential snowstorm that just didn't happen? In a month? One month? Like, how many times could it possibly snow that this would be necessary? Wow. That's like, that construction is just such, I'm getting bills from my lawyer again for equity shit.

And I'm just like, this is all made up, man. I just know this is made up. What do you mean? I just know that he is on the phone with the opposing counsel and then hangs up and he's probably like, I guess that was probably an hour, right? I don't know. Put another hour on there, you know, it's just like unless there's some I don't think there's a fucking like like you're playing in chess where you hit the button and stop the time. It's just like I know you're just rounding up and just making up numbers. And no, it's like going to the mechanic or the vet.

Just like, OK, here's the bill. Yeah, I have to pay you this. It's the Charlie Mack argument. He's wrong, but I don't know well enough to dispute him on this. Exactly. Okay, everyone knows streaming services galore. Everything's a la cart now, right? We're getting streaming this, streaming

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Is this a filter or is he in like a dark room? You struggle with these new things. I can't start it over. I can't hear it. Hey, everybody. It's the Trade God here. It's a hair past midnight. Wait, what?

What guy? It's Jay's Wordle. And it's fucking crazy God here. It's a hair past midnight. I just finished today's Wordle. And it's fucking crazy how good I am at this game. And everybody out there that also plays Wordle and is thinking like, Oh no, I'm better than you. No. No, you're not. We are not the same. We are not the same.

I promise you that. If you know my guest distribution makes my balls tingle. If anybody out there that plays, let me put it to you like this. I've been playing for a month, and I have recorded one more four than I have recorded a two. I am recording fours and twos at virtually the same rate.

So basically my question is, what's something as specific as Wordle that you are just absolutely elite at? That's a great God. Bro, that was awesome. I like that that was that is

that's he is he's hall of fame voicemail hall of fame wordle guy how how depressing

well that's a strong word but I don't know why I care but like the fact that it switched over to the New York Times and it has the New York Times font and stuff dude mine doesn't still

I think it does I think you just gotta refresh it. No, it's, I want to play it today. Yeah, you ready? Yeah. The, what I have noticed though is the words

have changed very much. Yeah, no more. We are no longer getting fucking sexy. We got fucking, pause was my first one I ever got wrong. Pause.

You got it wrong or you, I did not get it in time. I did not, I'm on six guesses to not get it. I had four, two guesses I had Pause was my first one I ever got wrong. Pause. You got it wrong or you... I did not get it in time. I did not. I'm on six guesses. Did not get it. I had four, two guesses.

I had P-A blank S-E. And I've just paused. Was not... What did you do? I honestly was just guessing. I was just putting in letters. Really? So I had like pies.

I almost got fucked today on ulcer because the worst thing that can happen to you in Wordle is you get something like the ER. Because now I'm just guessing all the five-letter ER words and there's like 60,000 of them. And you might just get the wrong ones. I got pinched on Elder. Elder was the one that fucked me.

I guess... My stats are very good, though. But once you have a... Oh, motherfucker! It just happened. I knew it was about to. Well, guess what? Guess who got a first guess today?

Yeah, I know. I know. So what's your... What's your... Like, what's your distribution of... I have 1-1, which I've already gotten today. I actually... You want to know how much of a nerd I am?

That same thing happened to me, and I didn't do it. Because I want my 1 to be 1. I want my hole-in-1 to be real. I don't want it to be... I have 3-2s, 5-3s, 11- fours, 14 fives, three sixes. I have – And how many have you done? 30.

Yeah, okay. Because I've refreshed my thing once, so I have less than that. I have one, two, three sevens, eight fours, 12 fives, and four sixes. But I also had probably like 14 days before when i when i cleared it so i don't know what my main thing would be but that guy was fucking funny i would say um i mean i'm not like great at wordle but i do think i am pretty good at it i think what am i specifically good at this is like i used to do wordle when it was a game show called lingo and i was like good at that i think i'm really good at taboo what's taboo taboo is like, I used to do Wordle when it was a game show called Lingo, and I was like good at that.

I think I'm really good at Taboo. What's Taboo? Taboo is like a game where it's like you have a word that you have to get your partner to say, but there's a bad list, or like Pyramid. Anything where it's like I have to get you to say the word, but I can't do certain things, I'm pretty good at that. But also,

that's tough because it requires a partner. It's like, I'm only good as you are but I can usually figure out a way to describe the situation pretty quickly I'm also great at anything I think I'm an elite masturbator I'm a really really good masturbator

I I think I'm exceptional at eating pussy too yeah yeah I have a bunch of box. I don't know. It's so hard to compare, you know, because it's like I don't know how or what or who we would compare to, but I would put. I eat pussy better than fucking porn stars. I know that.

That's what I mean. I've seen you guys. You guys fucking. Like, I need a. But you know that porn stars eat pussy like they fucking are gay. Porn stars eat pussy like they're scared of pussy. Porn stars eat pussy like they're on camera. Bro, stars eat pussy like they're scared of pussy. Porn stars eat pussy like they're on camera. Bro, I eat pussy like I'm trying to reverse the birthing process.

Yeah, you're not going to see. The problem when we eat pussy, you ain't going to see the pussy. I'm trying to get in it, dude. I'm in there like the chicken coop. Bro, I'm going fucking Groundhog's Day with that snatch. Snatch is a tough one. I'm a little fucking, yeah, it's Groundhog's, right? The little things they had at the zoo who poke up through fucking.

Six more weeks of winter, bitch. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? I actually, if you, I think if I had to pick like a skill, I think it would be going down and fingering chicks. That's probably what I think the only thing I do physically that I can do pretty well.

I also think I'm a good... I'm good at exercising. Yeah, you are good at that. I am the... It sucks. Also, by the way, blogging for us. We're very, very, very, very, very elite at blogging. Yeah, yeah.

Some of the greatest of all time. Literally. The, I'm in Eastbound and Down when, fucking what's his name? Kenny Powers? Kenny Powers. Says I'm not trying to be the best at exercising. You are the best at exercising. I am great at exercising.

You really are. That's because, like, your father's out here doing triathlons. If you put me in a room with, like, three random objects,

I can make a workout out of it. Yeah, you're like a caveman. You're also exceptional at doing cocaine. I wouldn't say that. Oh, I would. I don't think you have enough experience because i've seen

people who are way better really yeah i mean you're right i don't have experience but i also i this is not an opinion that only i hold and there are other people i know that i do think i have experience who i've said your reputation precedes you i can fucking party bro you can party party i can fucking party party party party like it is the uh the amount and amount of time you can do it and like it's just it's impressive yeah i can party for days bro but specifically that form of party party um what anything else that i'm good at i think a lot of those like board game type of things I can do pretty well. And I think I'm actually good at trivia. That's not like the,

I think the dozen trivia is like the one type of trivia tailored that I like. I'm not good at like, like remembering sports stat sort of things. I guess a lot of trivia is like memory, but I think a little less specific trivia and more broad topic type trivia, I think I'd be good at. But like when they start, in the dozen,

when they start being like, I was just thinking the other day, I'm like, I'm like nervous about getting a question on the dozen that's like, who was the 2015 Mets World Series, like left fielder? And I'm just gonna be like,

fuck, I mean, I don't know. Was it, was it Granderson? Was it, you know what I mean? Like he would definitely know. I'm like, I don't know if I really remember that, but I don't know. Was it, was it Granderson? Was it, you know what I mean? Like even things that I'm like, you know, he would definitely know.

I'm like, I don't know if I really remember that, but I don't know. Other random, like, uh, I guess maybe non-sports trivia. Anyway,

one more voicemail. Hey, what's up? It is dating app or pineapple girl or whatever the fuck my identifier is. Um, so after you guys went through and said what the worst habits that you picked up from KFC and fights where I realized that I also overused the word cunt in my everyday life and I also just look at every bad situation in my life as a story

it's all for the content um I just had a very not pineapple situation occur if you know what I mean if you're catching my drift um and I was just like it's all for the plot i was like the tick tock content i'm gonna get out of this is gold like it's fine i have like 2 000 followers but to be fair all four of my fans are laughing um but let's turn this around let's make this positive no so we draw today what is the best habit that you picked up from casey and fights and fights somebody did you do yes she called them the worst ones went on uh her worst habits you picked up from Casey in fights. Did you do this when you were a little girl? Yeah, she called them the worst ones. Worst habits she picked up.

And she's pineapple because of the pineapple breakup? Yeah, exactly. Keep it up. Keep it up, girl. Keep calling in. The best habits from us? Yeah. I think you nailed them. Looking at bad situations, what's a great story to tell is a pretty good one.

You know what is really funny? You got to be careful. What's funny? That was our bad one. I think that was our bad one, not being able to take a situation seriously without being like, well, this is going to be great content. Well, what is a good one? What's funny is technically the habit that you're talking about is being optimistic you're not optimism but like let's make the best like let's that what we do is technically see the

glass half full which is crazy but when some bad shit happens we say well this is gonna be a funny story for the podcast it's actually not that bad that to think that we're the optimistic or glass half full or uh hey you know life's not so hard is pretty funny because we're usually like get out um i would say so for fan fans tweet at us what what are your answers from like us and this is what we can answer so i should have them go around yeah because for for me i would i would say uh your um uh whatever you call like not caring about what other people think. I picked that up from you. Yeah?

Yeah. I don't know what you call it either. I don't have words for things. I don't have words. Well, no. I mean, I guess it's – what's funny is you would think that would be called like self-esteem, like personal. It's not. But it's not because you do think that would be called like self-esteem, like personal. It's not. But it's not because you do it.

But you do it in a real way. You do it out of like, I think it's more important to do it the way you do it. If someone's just like so confident in themselves that when people chirp at them, it doesn't affect them. And like, it's like, okay, man, that's like Tom Brady could do that. Michael Jordan could do that, you know. But the rest of us being realistic is what you are, where you're like, those people are going to say things about me that hurt my feelings and and make me like do my job less good so i'm going to avoid it's self-control you have self-control i i you have self-control bizarre amount of self-control when it comes yeah when it comes to that when it comes to everything dude like when i went to like or i

saw the doctor that is true you stop drinking stop i went to vegas you go on your kicks where you exercise and eat healthy and all that shit. I didn't drink in Vegas. My doctor was like, you didn't drink at all? Yeah, most people. I was like, you told me not to. He's like, and you just didn't? I'm like, yeah, I didn't because you told me not to. I was like, I had to sip my mom's wine.

He's like, and that was it, really? I was like, yeah, that was it. I just wanted to. Doctors should study your brain to break things like addiction and and uh and abuse and stuff because you are so indifferent that you know it's like like people with addicted brains and bodies like i need that because i like need to feel good or whatever you're just like okay i don't need that i just do things i like tonight's like tonight i won't feel that way whatever yeah and tomorrow maybe i will, maybe I won't.

That's basically exactly it. I'm like, yeah, if I want to do it, I do it. I don't want to do it. But nothing ever makes me want to do it. Right. And it's like, yeah, that's what I feel like doing right now, so I'm going to do that. Yeah, they should study your brain for that kind of stuff. That self-control is important.

But specifically for me is like the way you do it for the internet, where it's like, that's going to be, that, I try to convey that to other younger people who work here it's like you want to be successful make as much money as you can be as popular as you can reading this shit will be a hindrance so don't do that for yourself that's why it makes me want to puke when dave says flat out like he keeps up with barstool sports content through the reddit page it's like the one thing you probably shouldn't, and that's what defines all of our careers here. It's fucking insane. But yeah, tweet at us.

What are the best habits you've picked up from KC Red? Do you guys have anything? Nothing. Jackie looks like she's going to puke just talking. She's like, did I pick up anything that's worthwhile? I don't know. You guys have to have an answer because it could be for Nick too. You have to have something.

Like just stuff that I've learned straight up from you guys? Yeah, or like change the way you did things or – I mean I had no idea what I was doing when I got in here. So pretty much everything has been through this. Oh, yeah. You learned like snake it till you make it. Yeah. I don't know.

I learned how to like manage a little bit with, like, these knuckleheads. But, yeah, definitely stuff like that because I kind of look at how you guys, like, treat us and, like, I want to lead like that. And I'm like some of the bosses that I've had where I'm like it is being led by fear. Yeah, rather than, you know, like a positive reinforcement. I think it's – I mean it's an episode of Parks and Rec where they do it. So it's not, you know, real science necessarily, but like they do where Jerry is, they have Rom like scare him to do something that somebody encouraged him. And it's like, he got more done, but there was 90% of it was wrong because he was like afraid.

It's like, you have to find the balance definitely. But like, yeah, I think I've definitely. That's a valid one. What about you idiots? I would say not agreeing with people as much. I feel like a group of people would always like something. I would just pretend to like it just because everybody likes it. That's a good fucking solid answer.

Listening to you guys and being around you guys, I'm like, I don't really like those things that much. I'm going to make fun of you guys. That is, I think, one of the most important things. I hate people who love everything. There's no way you love every single show, every single song, every single everything. Speak up if you don't like it. That doesn't mean you're a hater or a contrarian.

You're not like things. We finish up with Bean Girl. What has Jackie learned or changed or embraced? I don't think anything. I mean, I'll say I don't think I have I think something, I say it.

I don't really have a filter anymore. I think something, I say it. I don't really have a filter anymore. I think something, I tweet it. You guys don't really have a filter. I also, kind of like what you were saying before, like, now I think if all else fails. Only fans. That's what Jackie, that's what Jackie, the best habit I picked up is I know at the end of the day, I can whore myself out.

Alright, let's do it. The Rude One, Rude Jude, Jude Angelini back on KFC Radio. It's been a little while. Been a while, while. Yeah, how you doing, man? Yeah, it's been a few years. Right, I guess it's been a while for everybody across the world, but

yeah, man, you're one of our OG day one type guys. So I'm happy to have you back on. How you been? I've been all right. I moved back to Michigan, which was, I don't know if that was good or bad. Was that a pandemic thing or what? Yeah, I was going nuts in LA. And I thought it'd be a little bit better in Michigan.

And I got out here and it was just as bad. I don't know if that was the move, dude. I don't know if Detroit fixes the problems. You were not feeling good in LA and decided that Detroit is secure. More open, that makes sense.

That's the difference. I thought it'd be more open. They're like, no, we're going to be less open. Go to your room and do ketamine a bunch. That's what I did. Well, that is usually your go-to, right, bro? When all else fails. When in doubt, K-Hole.

I've long said that. That's been my stance for a while. If I don't have to fucking be here, why am I going to be here right now? There's no point. If I got something to do, I'm in. I'm in. If I got nothing to do, I'm going to check out. Yep.

I hear that. I know. And in that time, you popped out this book or what? Has this been in the works for a while? Yeah. How many books you got now? Well, it was three. This was the third in the trilogy.

I think you've become prolific. I think third hits the peak. Yeah, you're a prolific author now. It's Hyena, Hummingbird, and Finn? Yep. Yeah, that's it. One, two, three. And then Finn, like Shark Finn cut through the water,

and then Finn done with this little series. I was going to say, is that it? You think you're riding off in the sunset, no more books? I'll write more, but I just don't know what I'm going to write. Right. Is this the same sort of idea like memoir type shit, just you and your crazy-ass life? Yeah, it's just, yeah.

People are reading it like, how did these stories not make it into the other books? Right. I don't know. Well, this happens a lot with him where you know we're on our 10th year of this podcast and sometimes he'll tell me a story and i'm like how the fuck is that just coming up now like we've we've talked about this even this same topic a thousand times and you you still didn't tell me the story like what and he's like i don't know

it just you know it was somewhere in my brain and it came out this time so like how many stories you think you got in there dude well i can't remember my 20s so if i can get my if i can get my 20s back fucking i got a gang of books yo that's a fucking hilarious thought you got to find like a uh uh ayahuasca sherpa type somebody to unlock that shit for you and all of a sudden you're gonna have 10 more books. Yeah. Straight up. No joke. Yeah. There was a,

there was like a couple, there's a couple, uh, stories I told from my, like late, late teens, early twenties. But for the most part,

it's now you're also at the spot too, though. If you wrote a book, if you told me that you tapped into some shit and fit and, and found those memories, but you were just straight up making them up i would still like there's not a story you could tell that i would be like nah he's making that up because all i mean you you got the wildest

fucking stories in the world i believe anything wild stories are harder to make up right that like it's like impossible to make up those kind of stories right that's that's why i've dealt with a handful of times. I couldn't fucking make that up. You have to be an Oscar screenwriter. I need to remember it. Where were you most of your 20s? Los Angeles.

You were in LA then too? Yeah, I moved right before 9-11. I was born in 77. I moved out there when I was 24. I love using 9-11. I was born in 77. I moved out there when I was like 24. I love using 9-11 as a marker. Just for like... Just for nothing.

That's when the world changed. Around 9-11. That's when it should do. Yeah. So I saw you on your Instagram the other day looking all banged up. You had like a sleepwalking incident? Yeah, you can still see that shit. Yeah, it looks a little better, but man, what happened?

Fucking, I've been trying, like, my pot passed. Oh, shit, sorry. A bunch of stressful shit has been going on in my life that I haven't been able to process properly. And it's turned into really bad insomnia. And basically, the concoction that I got to put together just to fucking go to sleep is so fucking crazy that if you do anything off, I start sleepwalking. Shit is no joke.

Yeah, like I'm going to rehab. They're like, when can you come on? I'm like, as soon as possible. I know, yeah. I'm going to rehab soon. You threw that text casually. You're like, you know, I got a new book out. Can I come on?

I said, yeah. I was like, well, we'll hit you up like on email. He's like, sooner the better. I got to check into rehab. Like you were, you know, sooner the better I gotta check into rehab Like you were you know Sooner the better I gotta go to the grocery store dude Well yeah and it's not even like I'm going to rehab Cause I was doing shit that was fun

You know what I mean like it wasn't like for Fun drugs like I've kicked Fun drugs now I gotta like Kick some shit So I can sleep So I need medical attention Yo if I don't get like One night can sleep. So I need medical attention. Yo, if I don't get one night of sleep,

if I have just back-to-back nights where I'm struggling to sleep, I start to spiral, man. I'm like, this sucks. I'm going to be tired. What's wrong with me? I'm starting to think of all of my fucking worst... Nighttime is the worst shit in the world once you're an adult. At least for me. If I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind is racing. I am thinking about the worst shit in the world once you're an adult at least for me like i if

i wake up in the middle of the night my mind is racing i am thinking about the worst of the worst all the fucking time i'm reaching for benadryl fucking whatever i can to get back to sleep i hear that they don't tell you that when you're a kid they don't tell you that just like sleeping is gonna be a motherfucker when you're older i I know. It's funny. My pops had the same shit, and I'm like, I don't know. I don't get it. Like, did not understand it, and then here I am fucking waking up once an hour. Dude, I wake up and eat candy. I did it last night.

Last night I woke up and ate fucking – this is crazy. It's like 3 o'clock in the morning. I woke up, and i was hammering i've been eating these these lint chocolates that are infused with chili they're really good little kick to the end of the chocolate's nice and i fucking zip i was hammering that and i'd also bite a strawberry and i was just but the strawberries were so cold it was sensitive on my teeth you're doing this in bed so i was nasty no no i was standing in the fridge okay uh and i was just gnashing but that was that's that's where my, I was standing in the fridge. Oh, okay. And I was just gnashing.

But that's where my sleep ailments come in. I eat too much candy when I'm asleep. You're a fucking goddamn toddler. It's insanity. But the strawberries were so cold that my teeth were too sensitive. So I was going like this. I was just pushing them against the roof of my mouth. With your tongue?

Yeah, to crush it because it was too sensitive. You really are a fucking child, man. So you can't are a fucking child man uh so you can't make that like you said you can't make that if someone tells you that's fucking chili chocolate while i smushed strawberries to the roof of my mouth just pressing that fucking gross man uh was was Was this book easy? Because on the third go-round, is it the same process or what? Yeah, I figured out my voice. You know what I mean? I sat down. I knocked it out.

I love that you do it yourself. So many people, I wrote a book. No, you didn't. I put a book out. Well, you put your name on the cover, but somebody else wrote it or somebody else is you know putting it all together or whatever i love that like you are you know instrumental in it yeah it's like if it's my voice it's gonna be my fucking voice like like you you you all are known for your voice what the fuck would it look like right you had somebody ghost write your shit you talk for it yeah i pretty much think if you can if you can have a ghost writer that means you

probably shouldn't be writing a book you know i mean if i can read a book and not tell whether it's your voice or a ghost writer's voice that means you're you're not worthy of really writing a book that's true it's like you should have your own shit you know did you is this like a is this written about a certain period like like is this were they in in chronological order is this is still kind of bouncing around with the stories it bounced to me it's in a certain order but like uh it does bounce around and i do really touch i touch on fucking the lockdown shit and kind of how people just how everybody was going nuts and uh the lockdown shit teenage years i don't i don't a family shit i i'm the the book is kind of anti

woke i'm like against the whole fucking woke agenda bullshit. Yeah, I'd imagine that doesn't really jive with your style. They don't like me already, so... You've been going through this before this was even a fucking thing, man. Yeah, before they had a name for the fucking shit, they've been not fucking with me. That's what's funny.

All the shit going on with Rogan right now is like the exact same playbook they've been throwing at barstool specifically portnoy but all of us here have gotten that and and everybody it's you know headline news and there's terms and and vocabulary and buzzwords around it and it's like yeah man we were going through this when it wasn't even a thing to go through this is just this was just every fucking day for us. Like, welcome to our life. Just a smear campaign.

That's all that shit is. Just a fucking smear campaign. But the thing is, is, like, the good thing is, is you guys were big enough to be smearable. Like, my shit, like, they just ignore you. You know? Like, they're like, oh, dude. I'm telling you, being in that level is, like, within Barstool, we're in the level where they ignore us, and I'm happy to be there, dude. I don't want all that drama because it doesn't – you don't win or lose. It just is a headache.

It's just stressful. So I'd rather just be left alone. More so to think about when you're asleep. Exactly. Exactly that, man. Where are we at on any of these getting an option option to be a show or a movie i know that was like kind of on the table at one point i feel like these have got to come to life whether it's animated or whatever you know unfortunately right now they're not looking to they're they're really

not looking for unknown white dudes so that that don't suck dick, you know? So like, what are you going to do? Okay, well, suck dick. How about you just start blowing dudes? I don't know. We've said all the time, I'm like, if you're telling me I'm going to get like a $100 million Spotify bag, all right. I'll just fucking do it. I told people I was bisexual.

Yeah. But it didn't make a difference Well you gotta like You gotta walk the walk I feel like You can't just say it Where did it freeze on? Me saying I was bisexual? Yeah You said you were bisexual but it didn't work

Yeah Yeah there it is So it's not from a lack of trying I just tried to they them shit Like I'm gonna to day them. They're like, nah. What's the deal with rehab? Are you, like, is it nerve-wracking to be on the verge of it?

Are you happy to be getting some help or what? It's a little bit of everything, man. Like, every night, like, every single night I'm going through like withdrawals and shit like that. What if I'm not? Uh, yeah. So it's like, that's, I'm dealing with this shit every night until I go to sleep. Uh, I can't even hold like my hands, like my hands tremble and shit right now.

Like it's fucking like, it's full blown. Like it's fucking, like, it's full-blown. Like, it's fucking full-blown. I wasn't sure what we were going to get when you said you were on the verge of rehab. I was like, this interview might be off the fucking rails. He might be going crazy. It seems like you're actually pretty calm. Yeah, honestly, I'm just going there for, I kept going to sleep doctors for medical help, and they weren't helping me. I wasn't getting any help, so I ended up end up having to like come up with my own solution i got sleep but it fucking was the wrong way to do

it yeah uh but like what was i gonna do like i was months i was going months and months with with like waking up once an hour or not even getting down. That's not sustainable. You can't. Are you still on Shade and everything, on Sirius? Yeah, yeah, and I'm doing the daily show. Right. I mean, that's impossible. Fucking bananas. Yeah, so it's been a crazy year, a crazy couple years. I tried to settle down with the girl and um started going going having sex with

her with no rubber and our ph was off oh no she got that she got vaginitis oh no um i ate her out and i got vaginitis in your throat? It's like laryngitis. It's basically like bacterial laryngitis, and you need antibiotics for it. And everybody kept saying I had COVID, and I'm like, it's not COVID. I've already had COVID.

This doesn't feel like it. So it's going forever. Finally, I find some antibiotics. I take them. It clears it up and i don't even think i'm not even thinking about the girl yeah and um i'm like okay cleared up sweet and uh and that this was after a few weeks of me not being able to talk uh a few weeks back up with uh hook back up with the girl this This shit kicks in within a week. And I wake up and my mouth is tasting like her pussy.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? I was like, Jesus Christ. Was it not obvious that something was going on down there? It wasn't fishy. It just smelled like burnt rubber or some shit like that. Like a burnout. So did you have to go tell her, like, I put the puzzle piece together, babe. You got to fix your pussy?

Well, yeah, we had stopped talking by then, and I went in. My mom, God bless her, she had to go online to one of those online doctors and say she had vaginitis and get prescription pills for this shit. See, that's the love of a mother, man. Your mom is always ride or die for you. Like, I'll go say my pussy's fucked up for my son. Vaginitis, dude. That's kind of sick to be a guy who got vaginitis. That's like.

Yeah, there you go. Right? I guess so. Yeah. I think I'll pass on that one, but yeah. I'll take vaginitis right now just so I can tell people I have vaginitis. I got a pussy throat, man. What's the worst?

That's almost like. Pussy mouth. You can put that shit on Tinder. I got vaginitis in my throat. Just so you know. Just so you know. I've been treated. Does that answer any questions?

I got vaginas in my fucking throat. Yeah. I eat out of the first. I leave it off. The crazy shit was it went on so long off and on with me figuring shit out that uh my um my vocal cord was paralyzed half of my vocal cord was paralyzed and i've been like learning how to

re-talk again like bro for someone in your job that's a fucking problem man yeah like today is a pretty decent day i was gonna say you don't sound any different to me right now but i'm sure it kind of comes and goes yeah totally comes and goes is it like a uh um like your depth changes or like you can't talk like what how does it affect you because when you talk for a living it's a problem you just got to clear your throat all the time yeah you're not supposed to clear your throat the way you clear your throat you're got to clear your throat all the time yeah you're not supposed to clear your throat the way you clear your throat you're supposed to do like a hard swallow which sounds gay that's shit i gotta do a fucking hard i got pussy i got pussy itis and i gotta do a hard

swallow your throat has been going through it dude so you basically, take a drink. Yeah. That's some cartoon shit right there. That's the hard swallow. Like, I don't even know if it fucking does anything, but, yeah, that's it. What's going on at Sirius these days? I feel like you've probably been there for, what, 20 years now? It's 16 years. It'll be 17 years, yeah like same old just all out show and like doing i'm just trying to get a watch or whatever they do right right we're on this is our

10th year and i'm like i'm thinking about people though who you know other other uh radio hosts and shows and shit that you that i've listened to that are like 25 years together 30 years i'm like we we've been doing it a long time at 10. Imagine doing this two and a half or three more times. That's a lot of fucking years of the same shit. I know, dude. Yeah, it's crazy. And since COVID, they cut our staff in half.

So it's just like we're running on a skeleton crew yeah like right here on my couch that's where i'm doing this shit from right like all the fucking time what when did serious xm really like start i feel like between you know like probably you and obviously like howard and shit like he's got to be one of the longest tenured people there right yeah yeah probably early 2000s when that like popped off yeah 2004 2004 is when i jumped in and they were a couple years they had started a couple years before that but i got in right around howard that was a selling point has there been any uh the selling point to me was i didn't have a fucking job so i was like yeah i'll take it

uh any anything else popping off there like i feel like it's uh i don't know what's happening at serious anymore so we don't have our deal with them so i don't know like if there's new shows new people what's going on with howard is just yeah but if you weren't doing it from home you wouldn't know either right yeah dude we're so isolated man i don't know what the fuck is going on and it's like i'm not going to new york no time soon like i don't want like y'all gotta have passports for everything and shit like that like it's not like well yeah i guess you do got to get the vaccine to get into most of the big shit but dude i like it better so i've been fucking i've been traveling and like it's almost annoying because because here you don't have to wear masks so everywhere we go they don't check anything but

they yell at you all the time. I was skiing in Vermont. I was out in Vegas. People just yelled at me at the casino floor the whole time. Put your mask on. Put your mask on. Why don't you just check my vaccine when I came in? And so I have to keep my goddamn mask on. Michigan, we

just don't wear masks. Yeah, you guys don't give a fuck. I was just running my mouth about COVID like a motherfucker a couple weeks ago being like this. I mean, it's over. It's done. Shut the fuck up about it. And then I caught it, and it just beat the shit out of me.

I got it. Yeah, but you're not dead. No, I'm not dead. That's true. There you go. It went from don't die to don't get it. Yeah, that is true. They shifted that shit real quick.

But I was like the last motherfucker. Everybody else who's getting it now is like, I got the sniffles for a night. And I still, I had the old school shit where I was like, of course me, when this shit is done, I'm still getting fucked up. Classic. You had that throwback COVID shit. Yeah, I compared it to Four Loko when Four Loko was that real shit. I had the OG one. None of that new shit where it's for the pussies.

I had the real one. Yeah. All right, man. So the book, though, is out, what is it, wherever? It's out right now. Yeah, it's called Finn. I did it myself. You can only get it on Amazon.

You've always been doing that self-publishing shit, right? You never went through? Well, no, the last two books i went through i self the last two books uh i went with a small publisher i went with the large publisher on one and a small publisher on the other other and be with either one of them so i'm just like like, fuck it. I do most of my sales through Amazon. I'll just fucking be in control and go through Amazon. Absolutely. It's the easiest way to do it too.

That's where everybody's going to get their shit anyway. So might as well cut out the middleman and just get that money. Straight the fuck up. The hardest thing is to set up the book signings. You, straight the fuck up. The hardest thing is to set up the book signings. You still doing those? Yeah.

I mean, once I get out of rehab, I'll fucking look into it. Well, man, the books, I remember the first time when I first read Hummingbird, Hyena was first, right? I think so. Yeah, Hyena was first right i think so yeah hyena was like that was like i mean i was at a point in time where i wasn't reading any books like i would never really think about picking up a book but i remember reading hyena and being like this is the exact type of book that you can just like burn through rip through funny stories it's kind of like if you listen to

podcasts or you read blogs and you know like the the hosts and the storytelling it's all of that like in in book form so uh i i encourage if you if you haven't gotten any of them i would go get the whole trilogy but certainly get down with finn which is the new one so go check it out on amazon uh and uh all out show right on all on social and all that yeah uh one more jude one more one more jude yep that's me all right bro i appreciate it good luck in uh rehab dude i'm gonna have fun there with me and the heroin addicts what's your problem get some sleep dog you need it all right all right man peace have a good one. Be well.

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