KFC Radio - This May Be Our Last Episode Ever Ft. Blair Socci

Episode Date: September 16, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - A very sad goodbye to Norm Macdonald - How often are you truly yourself around? - Met Gala recap - Who is more recognizable? Pitbull or Anna Wintour - Niki Minaj is speaking out on the vaccine - Girls arent smart - we may have canceled ourselves - Trevor Bauer memorabilia update FT. one of the FUNNIEST moments in KFC Radio history - Voicemails - crazy girl song - small dick but can last long or vice versa - best invention that nobody uses 01:37:40 - Blair Socci on having an Only Fans for 18 hours, Iowaska drug, dating comics Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The poll we're gonna put out is, who, who canceled themselves more? Me, with my never-ending diatribe, or you with that one sentence. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. As we fired up this episode, we were recording a couple days in advance. We just saw that Norm MacDonald passed away after a nine-year battle with cancer privately, which, first of all, obviously, rest in peace.

Norm MacDonald is a fucking legend of the game, from SNL to his movies and stand-up. That's one that comics are going to be busted up about. He was like the comics comic. So, it was fucked up that you see someone died, like a celebrity died, and my brain just right away goes fentanyl. Yeah, I know. That's why I was wondering if it was. It wasn't normal. Any celebrity who shockingly dies, they take fentanyl.

But then to find out that he probably had cancer for nine years like bro if i ever get cancer you better you're gonna fucking know it because i'm gonna be like i'm gonna use it as an excuse and i'm never gonna do anything difficult ever again and you're gonna have to wait on me hand and foot one midman plugs your gofundme yeah i mean you're gonna fucking know it and you going to hate me for it. You're going to be like, I hope this guy dies soon, because it's so fucking annoying how much he's talking about his cancer. Almost a decade where you're just battling the worst thing in the world, like doing it with a smile on your face, or at the very least, you know, lying to people.

That was the same shit with Chadwick Boseman, where he'd give answers. He's like, yeah, I'll tell you the story one day. When he's talking about losing weight and gaining weight. When people are, you know, he's on drugs,'ll tell you the story one day when you talk about like losing weight and gaining weight when people are you know he's on drugs and he you know oh man fuck yes very much don't move just stay totally still don't move you can't squeak in the middle of like a eulogy here man come on but man that my uh i mean to me burnt reynolds on on uh celebrity jeopardy is just the best. It's my big hat.

It's funny because it's a big hat. It's bigger than usual. I didn't know much of his stuff, so I don't want to do like a thing. But, like, yes, that was hilarious. I love Dirty Work. Dirty Work is one of the funniest bad movies ever. Yeah, I got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

In the land of the whatever, the half-nosed man is king. That bit with him and Chris Farley. Man, a lot of those guys are fucking dead now. Phil Hartman, Norm MacDonald, Chris Farley. R.I.P. to the fucking greats. I want to see what Dirty Work has on. I saw Dirty Work when I was entirely too young. I must have been nine when I saw it.

No, seven probably. No, I was probably like 12 or something like that. I don't know. No, you weren't. 65% audience score, 14% tomatoes. What? Anytime you can get a discrepancy of 50% or more in your tomatoes and in your critics and audience score, that's when you

know it's a good movie okay i was probably 10 you came out in 98 so it was either 10 or 11 because i saw it like i got as a new release of blockbuster man that's too that's too young to watch dirty work yeah pretty much arty lang who would have thought arty lang would outlast norm mcdonald's fucking hey man that's that's a sad one uh you going to see a lot of funny clips and bits and all that coming out. So I gasped. Yeah. I think I was just a little late. A little too late for Norma Donaldson.

I think if I was three years younger, I wouldn't know more. But I think probably, obviously, very funny, man. I just, I'm probably going to go back now and consume a bunch of his stuff. As I've gotten more into comedy and seeing how much people like feels almost a tell-esque when it's like when you ask comics who they think are really funny and norm mcdonald's always on that list and so i think that made me realize how like influential he was but he's a very funny guy and that delivery is fucking awesome and i think he's one of the last like real ones who never really like conformed or or like changed his style or

worried about anything just let it fucking rip um so yeah um let's go see what's hilarious okay okay all right so r.i.p to norm mcdonald in this episode is in honor of the great norm i know as he goes to the great pressure as he goes to the great beyond he will be truly honored by our tribute more than anybody else the fact that he gets up there. Our tribute of being like, yeah, I kind of knew him. I saw a movie of his. Paying my respects. Speaking of movies, we've got Cop Shop coming out on Friday featuring our guy Frank Grillo,

who was one of, hands down, my favorite guests of all time. He was perfect. Can I say that? I want him as like a third host yeah he was he's one of those guys i was like just come back anytime anytime you don't have to be doing a movie just anytime you want to talk come to us we'll let you do it i don't know if if you didn't watch the episode it started with the moment we had cameras on us and we saw each other frank just started with fuck you motherfuckers no sons of bitches he goes you what's up you son of a bitches this is great and it was like when you have that

with a guest like oh all right we're good instantly this will be easy no problem throw anything i had out the window now we can just have our normal conversation you know what frank will let me tell you first go see frank grillo it's in theaters friday the 17th so this friday coming up tomorrow uh it's got gerard butler in it. Gerard Butler is a hit man. Frank plays a con man. Gerard Butler and Frank Grillo neither miss in it.

Frank said he's a B-movie guy. That just means fun movie. An A-plus actor in B-movies. They do not miss in these kind of movies. They're fucking... I mean, Gerard Butler's the king. Gerard Butler's just the king.

And Frank's... Frank's gonna hate this, but you're the prince, Frank. You're the prince of these movies. Ger just the king. And Frank's going to hate this, but you're the prince, Frank. You're the prince of these movies. Gerard's king. Vin Diesel's god. So it's those two trying to kill each other inside of a police station because they thought, you know, you thought he would avoid the hitman by going to the cops. So funny movie in theaters.

A good time. No politics. No bullshit. Just good action, good comedy good stuff uh with frank and gerard butler so um you know what frank made me realize i actually have like a kind of an existential thought and i don't want it to come off like narcissistic or anything but frank grillo Grillo made me realize how little, how very infrequently I am being my real self to people. Just having real conversations where I'm just saying everything that I want to say and not holding back, not curtailing anything, not making jokes, not making fun. I'm never doing that.

I don't think there's a problem with that. I do. I think that sucks. I disagree. I think it's like there's so many people, like, I look back at how many people I'm like, yeah, well, I, you know. Like, right away when I'm talking to someone, I'm like, all right, I can't be myself with you.

Like, I can't tell the joke I was going to tell you. Or I can't, like, oh, if I say that, you might, like, I might hurt your feelings. Or like with Frank, I was like, you can't even fucking't tell the joke here i was gonna tell you or i can't like oh if i if i say that you might like i might hurt your feelings or like like with frank i was like you can't even fucking speak you me dead i met him two seconds earlier and then you met him i just talked him through a computer i knew he's a cool guy but the amount of like that's why i think when you get an interview like that it's so rare that it's like oh like everyone's just being themselves totally saying people in the world they're saying people in interviews in the world okay In the world. Okay. In the world, I think that's okay. Everybody everywhere, the amount of people that it's like, you know, you're talking to. I think people do this with guys, girls.

You're meeting, you're dating, you're meeting friends, you're meeting coworkers. It's like, oh, this person's too stupid to really talk to. This person is not going to get this joke if I say it. This person's going to be offended by this joke. This person's not going to get that I'm saying it out of love. It's all good. I'm not really making fun of you. This person I can't talk to about the things I truly like

because we're not matching up or whatever. But you talk to for 10 minutes. It's not like someone you talk to all the time. No, but I mean – With great power comes great responsibility. And if you have the ability to talk and smart enough to tell jokes and read people, you'd be like, all right, I'm just going to, like. Yeah. When people are like, I'm just myself, man.

I just say what's on my mind. Fucking why, dude? Just fucking shut up. And it's like you'd probably, like, you know, pissed off a lot of people. Why do you have to make this uncomfortable and weird? Like, just fucking talk to this fucking person's husband for five minutes. Be regular. Never see that person again in your life.

Yeah. You don't need to be like, oh, man, I was going to call you a fucking meathead Italian scumbag guinea to your face. But I don't think he would have been okay with it. That's who I want to be. I do it with coworkers. I mean, there's like very few people that I'm really myself

with. I think that's the whole world because I think that's what keeps us all fine. If everyone was just saying what's on their mind at all times, that's lunacy. We talk about it. It's an ATI question. Like, what if someone could read your mind? Like, fucking no.

Yeah, but I guess it's the difference between saying what's on your mind and, like, being, you know. No one who says what's on their mind at all times is, like, a person you want to be around. Yeah, but it's not about saying what I'm – it's just about, like, being able to – I guess it's really just about, like, the sense of humor aspect where it's just like you're not gonna get it or I can't say this or whatever it's not like I have to like just blurt my opinions on everything at all times but there's just so few people who can hang yeah that that's true but like the amount of like think about that I'm gonna I'm gonna gas you up real quick here it's like LeBron playing basketball it's fun to play with yeah I guess yeah you're

right you're fucking good at it yeah most people aren't which is why i guess i i find it so funny when i see people like mostly chicks being like like dating like i'm in the dating pool and it's like it's so hard out here and it's like probably true that there's like a lot of guys you go on dates with who are like meatheads who don't get the joke or they're not they can't carry a conversation or they whatever but also you probably kind of suck too you know what i mean like you're probably you know there's probably some guy on the other side being like oh that girl was a zero on the date we just went on you know yeah i think most people suck yeah most people are not interesting or fun or funny or yeah can have conversations it's like yeah that's just such a shame i've met sucky people because that's most of them.

When it happens, it is so special where it's like, oh, you can just tell when people are clicking. And also, people that I like and know, I didn't click with as much as I did with Frank Grillo. So that's when it's a really good conversation when it's like, this guy felt like we knew him. He was like, oh, I felt like I've known him for years. That was instant. And there are people I, I felt like I've known him for years. That was like instant.

And there are people I know for years that I do get along with that even then I wouldn't have an active conversation. It's fun. I guess when you think about it that way is that it's like it is a special thing that happens. And so it is going to happen rarely where it's like meeting a guy or a girl. If you're in a romantic situation, it's like there were sparks. Or if you're in an interview situation, it was highly entertaining. Or in a co-worker situation where you're going to kill it in business, where it's

just like, oh, it works. We get it. Don't have to worry about it. Think of who you've met in your life. Probably seven of them were interesting. Yeah. Again, our lives are a little different. But also, so many people probably feel that way about you. Very many.

Is this a surprise we're having right now? Are you a have or a have not? Are you one of the people who people would be like, you are interesting and you do bring the conversation up or are you mostly considered like, eh, bring the conversation down? I'm going to give myself a half. I'm going to give myself one on that one. But I also don't like to think about that shit.

I don't fucking care. I think it's just poisoning the well. If you're constantly comparing, like, oh, wait, was I interesting as that guy? Was I interesting as that guy? I don't know. I'm just going to fucking say my things and then I'm going to say my things that I think apply to the conversation.

I'm going to try not to be an asshole. I'm going to try and be funny. And I think I do pretty good most of the time. Well, I always think like the reason why this works is because we're so average, so medium, you know, so middle of the road. So then that means you're just like in the pack with all the other people who are generally like meh. But you don't actually do that. If you're the king of the medium, you're just like, blah. Yeah, but you don't really think that.

I don't think what? That we're in the middle. I don't know. I kind of think I do. I think that's why this show works. I think you should smarten up. Because if we were just in the middle, Kevin, everyone would have this fucking show. And guess what? No one else has this fucking show. Yeah, I think we're at the top of the middle.

So... I think you should go talk to yourself in the mirror for a little bit. Say, I'm good at what I do. Yeah, no, but I guess it always comes back to, like, all I do is just talk. I guess it's more about, like, well, whatever. We'll go in circles. But I just don't think that, I don't

think we're in the upper echelon of, like, interesting people of the world who I'm gonna fucking gas us up kevin i think we are yeah i'm gonna give us one percenters well fucking one percent well we're in the top one percent of people in the world talking and being interesting yes not talking because talking we talk a lot but like being interesting yep one percent one percent People in the world. I'm not talking about 1% of podcasts. 1% of people in the world. We're probably 1% of podcasts.

We're talking 1% of podcasts, Kevin. That means we're top.0001% of people in the world. No, that's saying that podcasting is like the elite of the world. Talk shows are the elite of talking and being interesting. I'm not saying talking, but being interesting.

There's a zillion people who don't have a fucking podcast, John. Yeah. They're not very interesting. No. No. I think there are more interesting people with podcasts than without. No. I think so.

Like what? Like Jeff Bezos doesn't have a fucking podcast. I don't think Jeff Bezos does. Kanye West doesn't have a podcast. Okay, fine. Performye west doesn't have a podcast okay fine they're all interesting people entertainers how about that entertainers what entertain like like they if they're i'm talking about people who aren't in entertainment most aren't that interesting okay but like there are there's a lot every like if we're being fucking really totally honest i think every person is interesting i think everyone's got a pretty unique story yeah shit like that but whether you can spin it and tell it is a different story.

That's what I mean. I don't mean like no one else lives an interesting life. I mean like being able to talk about it and be funny about it and charismatic about it and all that shit. My guy Ryan Sickler does – on his Patreon, he just has his – he does like episodes with his guests, with his listeners, which I've thought about at times like thinking about trying to do something like that where it's like because because of the joe gay joe where it was like that was just one random dude who had like this fucking unbelievable story that like is one in a zillion and how many more are out there so sickler does

it and it's like you know this guy who got shot in the fucking head and survived with a bullet in his brain. And this person who overdosed and died but came back to life after. Just random ass people who have stories that are just fucking unbelievably fascinating. But I think that there's more. I think the most interesting people are not going to be necessarily in entertainment. Or people who are heads of state and fucking leaders of war and i don't all that don't you know state accounts entertainment yeah 21st century it is yeah i'm a five-star general yeah well i'm a podcaster bro guess what

it is we're gone politicians like yeah. Yeah. Politicians specifically are definitely getting pretty fucking pretty hacky. As you see, like, with the Met Gala. I mean, the Met Gala is, like, the only place where you can get, you know, fucking, like, TikTokers and, like. TikTokers were there? No. If TikTokers were there in the winter, we got a problem. I think Addison Rae was probably there.

I think she was. She was. She's, like, an actress. She's a Tikiktoker yeah she's a tiktoker bro but she has at least transcended a little bit like i think she has a netflix movie which i think we have a netflix movie i was gonna say at that point netflix's goal is like we're gonna make a movie and we're gonna talk about for a week and then never again that's uh that's that's a netflix movie yeah like we'll get a big star like like this you know this is just albert the director to movie yeah uh fucking dave batista That's a Netflix movie Yeah We'll get a big star You know there's Idris Elba The director to movie

Yeah Fucking Dave Bautista They're like Everybody Ryan Reynolds Netflix movies One week We're gonna do a movie

What they are They really are like This weekend The whole world Is gonna watch it And talk about it And then never again But that weekend's

Kind of fun And that's why I think It's really If you debut In during the pandemic Or when there's a blizzard Or something like that And you're I mean I guess All that kind of shit Varies where you pandemic or when there's a blizzard or something like that and you're i mean i guess that all that kind of shit varies where you are but if there's you know a

reason to be in front of the tv that weekend when you drop those movies you're like the star for the week yeah you're number one on netflix so it brings up an interesting debate because i think the met gala used to kind of be the perfect most iconic celebrities and now as you see someone like Addison Rae gets in there, it's kind of like, well, wait a minute. And the debate that was being had at the office started by Jack Mack, I believe, who everyone, it's synonymous with high fashion and expose pieces on interesting people. It was the Jack Mac versus Jack Mac

with new girl Alex in the middle. And the debate was, who is more known worldwide household name type shit? Pitbull or Anna Wintour?

I think we're going to be on the same page here. We'll say it on the count of three. Who do we think is more well-known? One, two, three. Mr. 305. Yeah, I mean, his nickname is Mr. Worldwide. I don't even think this is remotely close. I don't think so either.

I think that, like, I know who Anna Wintour is. Yeah, yeah. I know who she is. But also, like, if you showed me a picture with context clues, I would probably guess it. But I don't, like, know her by face face. Oh, I know her right off the bat. I would know that. But most people are not as well versed as me in fashion.

I could walk by her on the street and not notice. She's in fashion? Huh? I got to be honest. I was thinking news. She's the editor of Vogue Oh alright If you google her you'll recognize her

You've seen Amy I don't think so She's always got those fucking sunglasses on She is See that's what I mean That's Iowa shit Most people are Nick Hamilton I'm from Chicago

You've told me I'm from Iowa several times. Yeah, you went to Iowa. You are. Yeah, I'm from Tallahassee. The, I think most people are. The whole Midwest doesn't know who Anna Wintour is. Nobody who's poor knows who Anna Wintour is. No, like, dads know who Anna Wintour is.

And to be fair, like, I don't know if my dad would know Pitbull, but there's a better shot that he would be like... Oh, my dad would know Pitbull. Yeah, my dad's like way off the player. You better play a song for him. But no, no, my dad knows who Pitbull is. My dad would not know who either of the people are, but better shot at him being like, oh, I saw that guy on New Year's once or something like that. Whereas he would be like

no... If I said to him, the editor of Vogue, he would say, what's Vogue? And I don't understand why, like, it's worldwide, like, it doesn't matter where you, you can just extrapolate from any town, city, country, whatever, like, it's not like Anna Wintour's this mega somebody in Europe who has, like, she's a fucking... Well, she actually might be in, like,

certain, like, in, like, France or some shit, where they're, like, you know, certain paths. But, like, it's, like, but they have poor people, like, they have, not even poor people, they have, like, suburbs and... Yeah, just regular people. Yeah Yeah in Paris I don't In Paris I bet Pitbull is still more famous In every town in the country

In the world Pitbull is more famous It's not like It's not like she's fucking Placed in Manchester United Right She's a fucking Passionate who lives in America

She's a behind the scenes Like person Who was taken outside? It was Alex Kat And Jack Mack Were like staunchly Anna Wintour. Jack McCarthy, you know, like college football Jack McCarthy.

Me, Rhea walked over. It was kind of like they were arguing and then people were passing by. Honestly, it was one of those things. I walked by and they were arguing at their desks, which line up perfectly with that hallway. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And publicity was walking down the hallway, so she started to join. And they were arguing at their desks, which line up perfectly with that hallway. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And publicity was walking down the hallway.

So she started to join. And they were, like, yelling down the hallway. And there was so much hubbub that I stopped and I, like, cautiously looked around the corner of the hallway. I was like, what's going on over here? There was so much. I was like, is somebody, like, fighting over there? Like, why is there so much commotion? And then I realized it was just a debate being had and i was like oh wait a minute let me get in on this and then i was like i thought i was like being pranked i was like you pitbull like

you right you know who pitbull is like and i was like like i was clarifying the terms of the argument so much because i was like this cannot be possibly happening right now. And so then like Dev, Rihanna, Dev, Rhea, Fran, Kelly came over. And I think most people who started to join were Pitbull. But everybody – like my dad became a thing. Like does my dad – will my dad know? So everybody started talking, texting their dads. And like oddly enough, like Devin's dad was like, yeah, Editor of Vogue. And she was like, what the fuck is this?

My dad is not, like, she thought he was kind of like a dad dad. He's not going to know. Which is pretty surprising. Like, if I texted my dad and he was like, oh, yeah, Anna Wintour. She's the Editor of Vogue who runs the Met Gala. It's just Anna Wintour, right? I don't know if it's spelled that way, but I believe it's pronounced just Anna Wintour. Is it?

Yeah. The, Jack? Fucking. Huh? Yeah. The, Jack? Fucking. Huh? Yeah. No, last name. Anna Wintour?

Mike's like, I got this, guys. It's Anna. See, this is what I mean, though. I don't know.

It's not like she's going to be on fucking TV every night. It's not like she's going to be frontward facing where you hear her name all the time. I don't think anybody even knows. You know what I might be saying? You might be right. I've always said it. Anna Wintour. Yeah, Wintour.

I'm the cultured one now, bitch. I've always just said Anna Wintour. Now, wait. Now, let me see to like... Let's see. How do you pronounce Pitbull? Mr. 305.

I think it was... I'm just trying to see if there's anybody... Maybe this was just like three idiots. Maybe I just found like the three dumbest people in the world. I think it would have had to have been. Because I'm trying to even think... I'm'm trying to think of how it could even... All right, we have to take the other side of the argument. Make the other argument.

I'm like, usually I can do that. I can argue anything. I'm really racking my brain here to be like, all right, Vogue is in every house. No, it's fucking not. Vogue is like... I mean, I know it's big, but within this niche of... No, it's not.

It's in few, it's in like, what politician, what entertainers like to fuckin' rail about with like coastal elites? You have Vogue in the house. That's what they're talking about. Yeah, you know, and even beyond that, like if I, you know, it's not gonna be on the pile of magazines of the barber, right? Or the doctor's office. Or maybe it will be, but like, it's not gonna be.

If I were to ask you the editor of all those other magazines, would you know? Or the doctor's office. Or maybe it will be, but like, it's not going to be... If I were to ask you the editor of all those other magazines, would you know? Fuck no. Hell no. What's the editor? What's Sports Illustrated?

Is the editor of... I don't even know other magazines. I don't even know magazines, let alone the editors behind them. They haven't made movies about those people.

Like, Devil Wears Prada is about Anna Wintour. I was going to say, I would know the fake Anna Wintour better than her. Yes.

I'd be like, oh, Glenn Close? Or whatever? Yeah, she was, to say, I would know the fake Anna Wintour better than her. I'd be like, oh, Glenn Close? Yeah, she was... I could give you the plot of Devil Wears Prada before I could give you a fact about her. I don't know if it's about her, but it is based on her. I think so. Is her character real, too? I don't think it's a true story, but yeah. She's just a raging fucking cunt to everyone in the world. It is wild that they made a very popular movie about how mean you are to people.

And everyone's like, that movie's great, so I don't want it. Yeah. You know what? That's actually really interesting. There's a very short list of people. It's like her, Bill Belichick. Who's somebody that people agree? Yeah, Saban. You're a fucking

asshole, but you're so good at what you do. I think Belichick and Saban are different though because their players love them. Obviously, there's some people here and there who don't, but the majority of players are like, he's fucking hilarious. He's awesome. But he's a dick to the media. So I think there's a difference.

If that is how Anna Wintour is... Sports, you'll get it a lot, because, like, you know, competitive assholes, Jordans of the world. But I wonder, and, like, I guess, you know, you hear stories about, like, Steve Jobs was, like, a horrible fucking boss and things like that.

So I guess at the end of the day, if you're successful, you'll get that stamp. Who do you think that is in comedy? Like, is it Bill? Because he's always getting shit from people is there somebody of that level i mean ari well uh i think that mostly well like now it's kind of like louis almost right where it's like people think like you know you are really fucking funny you're really successful you kind of have like this scarlet letter on you

socially but people still like yeah that guy's fucking amazing yeah yeah it would probably be him but that's more about like you know having a something happen yeah yeah where it's just like rather than your reputation at work but yeah I mean Pitbull

you couldn't even you couldn't pick up more does anyone hear everyone hears Pitbull, right? Yeah. Music's just more universal than fashion. Around the world, fashion changes everyone. Fashion is impossibly nice.

But if you were to tell me... It's not really. If you're talking about a girl who's on the cover of Vogue a lot, like a model, a supermodel or someone, or Kim K, who's frontward facing, then you've got to debate. But not the behind-the-scenes editor of a magazine. Just straight up on that alone. Star singer, editor of a magazine.

It's going to be the singer a thousand times out of a thousand. Super Bowl or fucking, I don't know. I don't know if he's done Super Bowl. Well, actually, I can't say he has performed at the Patriots after party before. So he hasn't performed at the Super Bowl. I don't know if he's done the Super Bowl, but he should say he has performed at the Patriots after party before. I don't know if he's in the Super Bowl, but he should if he has not done that yet. He's definitely done that New Year's shift the last few years. And he's recognizable.

Like, he's, you know, bald head. Sunglasses, tailored pants. Dale. No fucking doubt about it. But I guess sound off if there's anybody or if you can if you can think of a better uh example or a better like head-to-head matchup uh let's do some mla assholes let's do it mla asshole today brought to you by upstart uh upstart's the easy way to pay off all your debt consolidate all of your debt get out of debt, get yourself into some financial stability, into shape where you're not trying

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uh we gotta we gotta do a weekly update of dumb ass celebrities getting involved in conversations and situations they can't handle. Nicki Minaj is speaking out on the vaccine. Because, you know, when I think of my health information and vaccination science, I always think of Nicki Minaj. Yeah, Barbie. I think of Nicki Minaj, to be honest, very often. I think of Nicki Minaj for almost all other things but not not vaccine the the uh i think the anaconda video in particular a lot the oh you don't remember you once the pick was like the one the number one girl you would we would have sex with right now

like five ten years ago you picked nikki oh I remember I think I think pink pink pink was there for a while one of the most outrageous selection like the whole time because hold on I agree with that I think yeah pink pink pink will fucking fuck your dick right off of your body this was like this is like seven eight years ago this is a long time ago this was like pink was fucking like all the fucking porn stars I like. The alternative porn stars with tattoos and fucking tits and shit. You little fucking minks. That was pink before those porn stars existed.

So I've stayed true to what I think. She had the shaved head. She had the fucking tats. I was like, that's an alt girl we call them now. And I think. Absolutely. She had the shaved head. She had the fucking tats. I was like, that's a girl. That's an alt girl we call them now and I'm into it. Not going to disparage pink in any way,

shape, or form. Everything you said is true. I think when it's the number, you have one selection for all our viewers at home. I missed it on the shot. Thank God.

John just fucking scratched his dick like he was ringing a bell. Like, he was that shot. Thank God. John just fucking scratched his dick like he was ringing a bell. He was that guy. Good. You deserve that. I'm out here on the internet streets begging people to watch our YouTube and they come

and they watch and they got you playing with your junk like you're a gorilla. Honestly, that's how I was fucking scratching. I was kind of just jerking. Yeah, you were just whacking it around. You were like a cat with a toy just pawing at your dick. Just paw, paw, paw. It wasn't even itchy anymore.

It was just feeling good. I'll be honest. It wasn't even sticking to my leg. I just came. I just came in my pants. You were just thinking about pink. Don't bring up pink and Nicky in the same sentence. It's not hard, Kevin.

Despicable, man. I've been arguing with people trying to get them to watch the podcast. Because I'm a podcast listener, too, so I get it. I'm not telling you. If you listen to podcasts at work, if you listen to podcasts in the car, if you listen to podcasts on your commute and you don't want to switch, fine. I get it. And as long as you're still downloading, we get our credit, so I'm cool with it.

I'm just saying the better way to consume this is to watch it. And that's always been for every show. I used to watch Mike Francesa because when he's melting down, you see his fucking face. He's yelling. He's drinking his Diet Coke. There's all sorts of shit to watch. I would watch Boomer and Carton and Boomer and Geo. I watch Tom

and Bert because you just see and you get their faces. It's just more. It's like, would you listen to your favorite show or watch your favorite show? If you are set in your ways of listening while you're doing other things, God bless you. I would just say, there's plenty of

podcasts. Pick your favorite ones and watch them you know so if you like us best like watch them when you can be in front of a tv or if you pay like a couple bucks for youtube premium you could listen to it like a podcast like normal and then just pop it on that's the main thing that bothers people yeah you know if you have regular youtube when you close your browser it stops playing because youtube's smart and they know that's what's up. There is a little hack around that. The Yak guys tweeted that out. And I'll tweet it as well. We'll tweet it from the KFC Radio account.

If you open up your browser on your phone, you know when you click the A? There's the A, the bigger A. You can click that and then click something about your browser. Long story short, it lets you play YouTubes in the background. So, you know. click that and then click something about your browser. Long story short, it lets you play YouTubes in the background. As long as we get the download or if you watch it on YouTube, it's fine. We were up on the fucking table on our hands and knees, humping and

screaming and yelling. We were looking at your disgusting veins. I almost pulled my balls out. I had to show my balls. Anyway. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, Nicki Minaj. And Pink, though. But the number one choice, brother.

Like, I get it. I like all girls. Cause. Is this a song? Or are you just making it up? I'm making it up as I go, Kev. But I like all girls. Cause.

They give me all the fucking. What rhymes with girls? Curls? Yeah, like there's nothing. Nothing. Which is crazy because every song's about a girl. It's got to be things that rhyme with girls. I like all women.

Nothing rhymes with women either. What are these words? Orange, purple. Sit down. Women, not pearls. What? Here words Orange purple Sit down Women not pearls What Here you go pearls Not pearls Jackie the rapper

I like all girls not pearls Yeah I don't want some Dainty little And that works too That works I want a fucking Jackie's like Triathlon back on

I made one rhyme Let's go Nikki's a different story Nikki I will respect As your one time choice To fuck Because as much as Pink will rip your dick off Nikki is like a sex icon

With a fat ass that will suffocate you To death God willing Now that being said Don't think I need to hear Her scientific analysis Of the vaccine I disagree I do need to hear her scientific analysis of the vaccine. I disagree.

I do need to hear it. Why? Because it's so funny. Well, yes. Of course. That's for certain. It is fun to watch. And, like, I don't want to say I don't have any sympathy for people who get their scientific knowledge from Nicki Minaj.

But if I could go ahead and say I don't have any sympathy for people who get their scientific information from Nicki Minaj I don't if you're like fucking Barbie didn't get the vaccine I'm not getting the vaccine Barbie's fucking cousin friend down in Trinidad has got big nuts that's what her tweet was that's what kicked this all off she said

it's so funny how much she tried to tweet through the storm one of my favorite things in the world I've done it before and I've watched it even more times tweeting through your drama is tough last night she tweets my cousin in trinidad won't get the vaccine because his friend got it and became impotent his testicles became swollen his friend was weeks away from getting married now the girl called off the wedding so just pray on it and make sure you're comfortable with your decision and not bullied. So there is just some random dude down in the islands,

down in TNT, a little Trinian Tobago, and he's got all sorts of fucked up balls. And that is now... And I mean, like it or not, silly or not, I got 100,000 retweets. Like, there are probably some people who are not going to get the vaccine because of that. And that is crazy. And that's part of the problem.

Let's just say it, Kevin. Those people deserve to die. Let's stop beating around the bush. If you listen to that Nicki Minaj tweet. Specifically that tweet. Because if Nicki Minaj all nikki minaj tweet specifically that tweet because if nikki minaj all of a sudden had a a very smart tweet where she just said something that's one thing but a nikki minaj but a nikki minaj nikki minaj uh uh trinidad cousin swollen testicles tweet if that influences you you deserve to die you deserve to die

fuck it fuck it what are you gonna do let's just come out Kevin they deserve to die everyone's thinking it fucking Nicki Minaj told you her cousin had an STD and you're like fuck Johnson & Johnson I'm not getting the fucking vaccine

then we're all set with you on this planet we don't fucking need you bro like, fuck Johnson & Johnson, I'm not getting the fucking vaccine, then we're all set with you on this planet. We don't fucking need you, bro. You will never, I don't care how old you are, I don't care if they remove you from the gene pool. I just know you're never going to do something special on this planet. Never. Then you're unnecessary. You are.

You are a not essential person now. At the very least, we need to sterilize you. We'll let you live out your fucking life until you just fade into obscurity and die. But you don't belong to interact on this planet with anybody at all. You said that so much like we were on CNN or something. Like you were talking head. Like, let's just come out and say it, Wolf Blitzer. Those people deserve to die.

I'd tell Wolf, too, if he was sitting here. Come on, Wolf. We both know what we're saying here, right? Die. We're all thinking it, right? Those people deserve to perish. So what was funny, though, is Nikki got upset that people ran with this. Because a lot of people were like, Queen, Barbie, you using your platform like this is upsetting. And she was like, you know, she went on to tweet like, I will probably get the vaccine because I need to go on tour.

It's probably a smart decision. What are you waiting for? So, yeah, and that's the other thing, too. Like somebody tweeted, Nikki, I got the vaccine and I haven't gotten the virus. And so that's a good thing. And she says, that's the norm. That's amazing, babe. She keeps tweeting like all this shit like it yes it's good it's fine do it uh well said you know but when you lead off with my cousin's friends got big nuts

so don't get the shot that's what people are going to talk about that what you want to draw a picture what i uh well yes you're 100 right and i didn't mean to make noise i wasn't going to use this prop just yet but the the when she goes on to tweet about how she's doing her research on it yes i i would love if we could get like where's fucking where's wiki leagues boy at where's he where's snowden? No, no, no, no, no. A different guy. Assange? Assange. Where's he at? Is he... He's in Belize, maybe?

I wanted to say South America. I'd love to get on the line with him and be like, yo, can we hack Nicki's webcam? And I just want to watch Nicki Minaj do her research. Yeah, just see what she's Googling. I just want to watch Nicki Minaj with her fucking big ol' nails and her fucking hair down and just be like, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. And then she's like, mm-hmm, okay.

Let me note that. Look at that. Okay. A little research there coming out of Harvard. Pretty interesting stuff they're doing up in Cambridge. I want to see her that she's got like, she's writing down, she's got like two columns, like regular size balls, huge balls. She's like, okay, check for that guy, regular sack.

Oh, this guy entered it at big sack. Furiously taking notes. Okay, let's see here. This is what – wow, okay. So Columbia has a – Stanford said masks don't work. She's doing bibliographies. She's checking. She's doing works cited, figuring out her work.

She's got a compendium. Dude, that is, she's, I mean, imagine her in the library at the Dewey Decimal System, just looking up books, trying to figure it out. But she goes on to just try to tweet her way through the whole thing. She put up a poll. Which vaccine do you think is the best? Vote Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, or other? Like, I mean, just for the record,

let me just tell you, 359,000 votes from Nicki Minaj's fan base, 65% said Pfizer, 20% said Moderna, 5% said Johnson & Johnson, 10% said other. There's an other? There isn't an other. Oh, AstraZeneca, but that's...

There's a fourth? But also, that's not a fucking poll let's be clear to one non-scientific poll but that poll is not of

which one you like best it's which one you got because Nicky you don't take all of them it's not like well I liked I had a good experience

with Moderna for a bit but once I got to the Pfizer I realized that really got me up a little bit and then Johnson & Johnson that's if you're looking for a nice mellow highs without it's like indica like i'm gonna have to sleep i'm looking for that one to hype me up let's just also i mean i know it's it's it's kind of a joke but i don't think it's

down by like 300 000 votes okay most seem to like pfizer is my research. The Johnson & Johnson vaccine is one of the funniest things in a long time. It just doesn't work. It was not ready. They knew it, and they just said, well, you know, we'll just tell them you only have to take one shot because whether they do one shot, two shots, or ten shots, it's not going to work.

So let's just get in, get some of the money here. And, I mean, I can't think of anything else. Imagine it would be like people picking phone services, you know? And it's like, oh, I got Verizon. Oh, I got Mint Mobile. Oh, I've got a fucking milk carton with string. You know what I mean? It's just like this is not an option.

It doesn't work. Chappelle said at the 9-11 thing that that was his that's the one he took yes but do you remember his joke about it yes i do yeah it's a joke that two of our fellas two these two fellas cannot make it is a joke it is a funny joke that you need to go listen to uh chris rock or jay farrow or some other black comedians that can tell you that joke. But yeah, Nicki Minaj. So you got to feel. Trinidad is not a big place, my friend.

Can I get the population of Trinidad real quick, Jackie? Jackie versus Mike, go. Trinidad population. What do we got? Mike had a head start. She's blowing it. Mike's got it. $1.3 million. Unbelievable, Jackie.

I thought that was so unfair. I was like, oh, Mike's fucked. Yeah. What does her computer say? How far along is she? She has... Where'd you even find it? The number came right up.

Yours says politics. Mine's fucked then. Jackie gets so mad. Trinidad. Are you using Google? Did you have to Google Google again? No. Is that a problem?

You had to Google Google, didn't you? I did. I typed in opulation of Trinidad. Opulation. That'll get you every time. Opulation. I has it. By the way, underrated moment, maybe like of all time on the podcast.

Last episode, Jackie. Fine, my bleeding vagina. That was so good. 1.3 million is actually higher than I thought. I thought Trinidad was going to have like only a couple hundred thousand people. My point being that there is some poor bastard in Trinidad right now running around the neighborhood with a big sack. Who everybody fucking knows who Nicki Minaj is talking about. Like, it can't be that big enough of a tower.

Like, this is anonymous. Everyone's like, ah, James. Yep, I know him, too. His balls are hanging on the bottom of his shorts. He just got dumped by his girl, I guess. He's furious. Oh, yeah. He's like, I didn't get this.

I got this from cheating on my girl. I have chlamydia. Actually, maybe he's not mad. Maybe he's not mad. Maybe he's like, I got everyone to believe this was because of the vaccine. It's because I've got bacteria in my dick from fucking dirty girls. Dude, I met a kid once. I went to visit a buddy at college, and he had just come back from some study abroad or whatever.

And he had given his girlfriend gonorrhea or whatever. He caught it there, brought it home. Yeah. And he just denied it until she was like, sorry, I cheated on you. He's like, I didn't give it to you. I did not give it. I did not have it. And she was like, I have a confession to make.

I cheated on you. And he was like, oh, shit. It worked. And also, get the fuck out. You dirty whore. You unfaithful bitch. That. Write this down in our eventual romantic comedy or TV series.

That needs to be a scene in a television show. Where you. Oh shit. What are the odds? I mean, that is literally the greatest thing that can happen to you you're obviously in some sort of unhappy relationship you're fucking cheating you're fucking around other girls deep down subconscious

you want to get out of this relationship anyway you're kind of being an asshole by cheating and not just getting out of it you stick to your ground and you get you get you don't get in trouble and you eventually get what you want you have to live with the fact that you're a shitty person who passed a disease to an unknowing girl.

But also, she cheated on you, so fuck her. Yeah. For all she knows, and for all you both know, she might have had it. But also, he did have gonorrhea, right? Yeah. So yeah, it was him. Yeah, it was him. So also, it was him.

But it would be funny if it was just like gonorrhea on top of gonorrhea. You know what I mean? Like, that would be even the best if you get a test, and the doctor's like, well, you've got this strain. Just a nice slag heap of gonorrhea. You've got, like, strain from fucking... What did you say? Just a nice slag heap of gonorrhea.

Just a fucking mud pile. Here's your gonorrhea. Here's your gonorrhea. A green fucking mud pile of gonorrhea. God damn it, John. God damn it, John. God damn it, John. God damn it. I like to take things too far.

I feel like you are like an agent of chaos these days. You are just on a mission to disgust and disrupt. You're like a hockey goon in podcasts. It's like, just get out there and muck it up. Just cause chaos, man. Just fucking cause a problem. They're not going to know what hit them. Send John out there.

Fucking big bald Trinidadian running around. This is my idea. Whenever I think that John says something like that gross, I think we should have him take a lap. Like around the hallway. Don't hate the idea. Do I have to run? Yes. Are you the arbiter of what's gross and what's not? Yeah. Take a lap.

I like it. Alright, see ya. You get some laps in and we'll make fun of you behind your back while you're gone. No, we'll actually have to talk what we're going to do is Jackie's going to have to tell me what was so offensive about what he said. Why don't you like that, what he just said oh i honestly didn't even hear i just heard kyle's the gonorrhea yeah that'll do it that's really that was what he said yeah that was gross but do you think that he is grosser than me yeah yeah like infinitely right i'm not gross like

don't get on your high horse like you are not that far off. I think I'm pretty far off. And I also think that when I say something gross, I know it. He'll just throw shit out there. He said that. He's slags of gonorrhea. And I'm like, whoa. If I'm about to say something gross, I'll usually be like, this is gross, but I got to tell you something or whatever. I think there's a good amount of distance between me and him in terms of gross factor.

Yeah, but you guys are also like on I can hear his feet pounding. It's like an elephant running. John, we gotta talk, bud. That was fast. I will give you that. That was fast. Coming around the bend here, it

sounded like goddamn Jurassic Park. I mean, I saw my water bottle where it was like I mean the microphone meditate might have picked it up for all we I'm not a runner you're like a Clydesdale all heel all heels yeah you must you're gonna have like shins oh yeah that'll do it hey my fucking freshman year cross-country road coach can suck my dick because he'd be like, I don't know why you get shin splints so bad. Fucking Nick diagnosed it in 15 seconds, you fucking asshole.

Maybe you wouldn't have made me fucking do all my running in the pool if it wasn't, if you could just fucking use your eyes for two seconds and realize how to correct someone's incorrect running. You fucking public school cross-country coach. Are you done? You're done. You're done. We had a discussion

about who the grosser of the two is, and she said, you're grosser than me, but don't get on my high horse because I'm not that far away, and I think I'm significantly far away from you.

Yeah, I don't think you're gross. Yeah, that's what I said. This bitch over here is trying to tell me I'm gross. Fuck her. She's got a bleeding vagina, Kevin. I don't think you're gross. Yeah, that's what I said. This bitch over here is trying to tell me I'm gross. Fuck her. She's got a bleeding vagina, Kevin. I don't think you get to talk about grossness over there in the

snuffle-uffagus. You guys literally have ball sacks, so... We have ball sacks. You have a hole that bleeds. They're the same. Well, how about that? Would you trade never having your period again for balls? I'm being gross here, I about that? Would you trade never having your period again for balls?

I'm being gross here. I know that. Wait, so I have a vagina but just balls? You have a vagina but some balls. No, I would not do that. All girls, though, by the way. Oh, all girls do? Everybody changes.

So you wouldn't just be the freak with balls. You would be like, girls just have balls. Good question. Great question. And you better be careful with your answer here. I'm just telling you right now. Very good to consider. Because you answer how I think you're going to answer. I'm not

taking the balls. Okay, so then don't ever fucking complain again. Because what you're telling me right there is that you have it worse. Like having balls is worse. I played myself a little bit. Yeah. So next time you're like, I've got cramps, I've got balls!

Which I know you think is worse. No, no, because the cramps suck, but the thing that sucks with balls is it's just like, I don't, I'm thinking of like, I can't have cute underwear. It's like a whole logistical situation issue of like, I don't know I'm thinking of like, I can't have cute underwear. Like I have to, it's like a whole like logistical situation. I don't know where to put that. Let me issue a correction on that one, Jacqueline.

As a man who, John Dresh is very sexy. As a man who's worn a woman's underwear before, balls feel very comfortable in them. Okay, well then I see I'm corrected. I've gone through. I put on my fucking girlfriend's underwear and hid in the closet and surprised her. Which is one of the most fucked up things of all time. First of all, I don't think she was surprised.

She might have been shocked. I'm going to jump out of the closet in a woman's underwear. It's a joke. Get it? Ha ha ha ha closet with women's underwear as a joke get it it's a joke this is funny isn't it babe we're going to do it again tomorrow and the next day

how was the joke received I've told this story before I'm not pretending but it was received fine I was going to say pretty well that would have been a lie. It was received fine. Yeah, but you got to think, of all girls,

like it wouldn't be a thing because the world is just used to, you know? Like in this magical hypothetical, everybody would be wearing the same underwear. Everybody would have the same issue. It wouldn't be weird and gross to be like, yeah, girls just have balls, same way guys do. But, I mean, it would be weird and gross because balls are weird and gross. We have them when we know

that. My point being, if you don't make that trade, you are acknowledging that it's worse to have balls than to have your period once a month. Give me the balls. Jackie likes balls! The balls thing just reminded me of... Ball heavy week. This week is ball heavy. Ball heavy. Heavy balls. We'll me of Ball heavy week This week is ball heavy

Ball heavy Heavy balls We'll take you down next week I promise We'll just talk about the dick next week Just the tip of the shaft The balls thing has reminded me of This weekend when I was taking the subway

And I texted you about it Friday night When I was sitting on the subway It was a rather empty subway And everyone I'm wearing pants today So I'm going to go back to when I was sitting on the subway. It was a rather empty subway. I'm wearing pants today, so I'm going to go back to where I was sitting. You won't see my testicles this time. Or those disgusting veins.

Would you rather have balls or varicose veins? Balls. But everyone on the subway was sitting like this as I was looking around. I was like, remember back to simpler times when man spreading? Or man was just a prefix we used to describe things. But man spreading in particular was one.

There was a stream on the internet. There was a couple months on the internet. Oh, I would say longer. I would say longer than a month. Where every think piece and every piece of outrage and every piece of, like of literature to try to inspire change was based on how guys sit on the subway. It was like, okay, ladies, you know men? Yeah. You know how they're bigger than us?

Yeah. You ever seen the way? You know how they have things between their legs that are really sensitive and they don't like touching them or sitting on them? Yeah. Well, guess what? On the subway, they take up more room. Yeah. No fucking shit.

That was crazy. And how about mansplaining? You guys hear about that? What guys are doing? They fucking... Sometimes they'll interrupt you to tell you about things. Like, yeah, this is an asshole. I'm kidding.

No, no. But you know what? Also, I am going to defend mansplaining. Oh, yeah? I am absolutely going to defend mansplaining. Because there... And there... I know of girls who...

Can you get me one, too? Of girls who will admit this. Girls who are, like, Of girls who will admit this. Girls who are like comfortable about it will admit it that there are just fucking things topics, situations where girls just don't know what the fuck's going on and need a guy to explain it to them.

I would say, I'm not saying they're smarter than, I'm smarter than them. I mean, I am. But it's not like a blanket statement about everything. But like there's a reason why there's the trope and the joke about the girl who interrupts the television show every two seconds. It's because when you're

watching a show with a girl, it just doesn't go in their brain. It's just like, wait, he's the bad guy? He's the good guy? Wait, oh, he double-crossed? You can't watch a complex show. You can't watch a sci-fi show. You can't watch anything that's like deep and complicated. Because some girls are dumb like that. That's just a fact.

And the girls who are the dumb ones who know that will admit to it. I think that everyone's a dumb one. If you think about it, how about this? You know what? Fuck you. Oh, wait. You're saying every girl's dumb? Other than every person.

No, see, fuck you. You were going to ride with me on this one, and then you just middled that like a bit. Well, I'm saying- Come on over to Misogyny Island with me, bro. Girls are dumb. I have – They don't get things. They need things to be explained to them.

In the TV world, I have never once asked, wait, so what's happening here? Never. Like, literally – And you know what? I've been confused by this. Shut the fuck up and watch the rest of the movie. Being confused, and I sit there sit there and i just go like i don't get what's going on but i'm gonna figure it out like and i'm gonna wait like 10 more minutes because guess what sometimes in the movie they haven't revealed everything yet where they're like so is he the killer i don't fucking know yet

none of us know who the killer is yet they haven't shown it to us that's the point of the fucking movie it happens a lot with like good and i will be fair with this too because often i feel like guys lie when they want to watch a movie like oh no i haven't seen this before i do that all the time because you don't want to watch it no i would i do i do want to watch it like have you seen it no i've never seen it before yeah i've seen the movie 10 times i love this fucking movie but i want to watch it yeah yeah so like sometimes it might be fair to be like, so what's going to happen in the future? But I lied to you and told you I haven't seen this movie. So you should know that. Yes, you should not be asking that.

So it's a logical question to ask. That shit, I mean, when you're like a couple minutes in. You think that guy's going to kill her? I don't know. Why don't we just. Why don't you. What say you? We want to let this fucking film play out with the professionals instead of us hypothesizing over here.

You know what? There are times, like, I'll get to the end of a movie and i won't know what happened but i kind of like can then i'll say that movie sucks or like there are just times where you know you're watching something and you're like boy oh boy i'm lost here you know like i and i really have not been paying attention enough but i get the general gist you know know? He's trying to get her, and she's trying to get him. Okay, I kind of understand the framework. Girls won't do that. Girls need to know every fucking thing. So they ask questions, and then they

get explained to by a fucking man. You want to give it a nickname? Go ahead, you dumb girls. And that's just facts, man. Now, there are smart girls who can watch shows. I have watched shows with smart girls where I have been the girl. I will ask the question, and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm being dumb.

What do you mean by been the girl, Kevin? The dumb one? Yes. I have been the dumb human. We are going to get in trouble. But you know what? But you know what? We shouldn't.

And there are people out there who are honest. Same thing with being funny. Same thing with being funny. There are girls who know it. I remember hanging out with my buddy's girlfriend. It was my favorite moment of my life. She was just like, yeah, girls just aren't that funny. You guys are funnier than them.

When I'm hanging out with my boyfriend and you guys, you're just funnier than usnier than us and she's like yeah and that's not to say that there aren't any funny girls but in moment for the most part john they're not funny and they're dumb that's just generally speaking okay and we can you know someone's gonna admit these things just saying just saying the people who can admit that you know but and that But that's the problem The girls who are mad about mansplaining Are smart girls But there are some dumb girls And guess what The smart girls hate those dumb girls

Because guess what They're pretty The dumb ones are the pretty ones So the smart ones don't like them Because they're ugly Kevin Kevin is getting us in so much trouble Dumb ones are the pretty ones, so the smart ones don't like them because they're ugly. Kevin. Kevin is getting us in so much trouble today.

And that's okay. That's some fun, folks. Hang on, but just so you know, there's also dumb guys, too. Yeah, you little bitch. Some guys are stupid. And I think that sometimes guys are mean. And also, I think that this is all Jackie. She's like, she just got kicked in the balls.

I feel like as a girl, I should chime in. I know that I'm not the biggest. I'm not going to do well for making girls sound smarter. So I don't think I should fully chime in. But also, guys are just too... Jackie's literally pumping her hands here. We just have too much pride. Like, girls are like, we will ask questions. At the most inopportune times.

Yes, you will. We're not afraid to admit that we don't know what's going on. That's fair. That's fair. But also, you don't have to, like, you don't need to even admit it. Like, when I don't know something, I'll just sit there and be like, I don't know what this means. It's like, that's where men don't admit their feelings in general. Women are more open.

So it's just, it's a matter, so you're wrong. So you're wrong. That is fair because I never asked a question. I never once asked a question in school and now I sit before you, the idiotic man, today. I was like, hey, did you want to run that

one back? I'm a little lost here, Mrs. Almeida. Do that all over again. I don't know if I get it. I'll just sit over here and fart. I don't know. You'll give me a B. I'll just go forth for the next 16 years being like, huh,

it would be pretty embarrassing if I raised my hand here. By the way, just last episode we talked about how girls are so much smarter. And if you didn't try and get in groups with girls, you're a fucking idiot. See? We're fair. Because we're men. Like, I just searched on Twitter, hot girls math. Right?

All of these tweets are saying hot girls can't do math. Math is every hot girl's enemy. I am a hot woman. Yeah, and there are dumb guys, too. But, like, hot girls can't do math. Oh, he's got to fucking really usher that one to me. And sure, some people with penises are... Hey, if you do it, I'm jumping in, baby.

Come on in. The water's in, baby. Come on in. The water's warm, baby. That's going to be it. All right, so now we can move on. Can't we? The poll will be, the poll we're going to put out is who canceled themselves more? Me with my never-ending diatribe about the intelligence of girls or you

with that one sentence. And I think it's going to be pretty 50-50. On who torpedoed their future careers worse. Now that I said it, I'm going to tell a joke about that that I think is so fucking funny. Maybe I've said it before, actually. I don't know. But my mom

just... We were talking about, like, all the... I can't believe this is starting with your mom. Yeah. We were talking about all the... I know it's going to end with your mom calling you a... No, it's not. It's not.

It was about, like, all the tests that, like, pregnant women can get now and stuff like that. They can decide on an abortion because they can test prenatally and see if the child's going to have Down syndrome and all this kind of stuff. My mom goes, you just really don't see a lot of mentally challenged people anymore. Back when I was growing up, there was a windbreaker on every corner.

We're adding to the poll. Polly's getting cancelled Polly just took the heat off of all of us We're great The way she said I started to laugh Because every time I see a mentally challenged person They're always in a windbreaker I might spill

No! Alright we are cutting some of this Yeah All right, we are cutting some of this. Yeah. We're going to cut some of this, but leave us in saying we got to cut some of this. So people just know. Just going to beep it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just beep it.

Just cut out like the last 15 minutes. Oh, my God. That's what podcast is about. That one might not even get us in trouble with fans or people who listen. That one might just get in trouble with our bosses. Not even about fans or advertisers. I'm worried about fucking Nardini. Like, what the hell is wrong with you?

Are you guys fucking drunk? Are you guys fucking f***ed? Am I the asshole? The answer is yes. Fuck. Am I the asshole? The answer is yes. Am I the asshole time? You've started so many am I the assholes like that. So many times.

Am I the asshole? I got an update from last week. The Trevor Bauer memorabilia situation. So if you remember last week, if you don't, I'll refresh you. Girl who had Trevor Bauer Red's memorabilia up in her apartment. Now, as I told it, I said she had a lot of memorabilia. So then I scaled it back, and I guessed that she had three pieces of memorabilia. My guess was, like, maybe she had a jersey.

Maybe she got a ball signed by him. And then when he won the Cy Young, she got, like, some sort of, you know, Cy Young picture or some shit. And you said, like, where was it, was it, where did she display it? And I was like, you know, I don't know. I made, I just made this scenario up in my head. The story was that she had all that on display, and a guy she was dating threw all of that shit out after, you know, the allegations about Bauer came up. So he went to her apartment. They had been hooking up. They had been dating. He took that

memorabilia, threw it away. I got an update from her. The memorabilia she said, for the record, it was just a bobblehead and not any sort of shrine. But she also said something else. I think I can't find. So she said it was a bobblehead and not like a full shrine.

There was a couple other pieces. It was three things. She said, here it is. A sticker on her fridge, a bobblehead along with all the other Reds bobbleheads so it's not like singled out I mean this chick's a loser with all their baseball bobbleheads but it was like he was amongst a bunch of others and then a

button on a sports wall so those were the three things he threw him out not because of the allegations, because Trevor Bauer allegedly...

Fuck this girl. So now, we've got an entirely different conversation. We have a very different Because now, it's just a guy throwing some shit out

because he doesn't like that another dude has been with his girl. Which I think makes you an even bigger asshole i think i thought you were an asshole when you were on some like white knight shit about like these allegations now i definitely think you're an asshole when you're just like i don't like you yeah you had like a past before me bro i don't think that's what's bothering him. I think it's that the fucking Trevor Bauer fucking punched her pussy. We can't do that.

His lawyers will come after us for that. Why? Because they do. They did. They did? Yeah. My one minute man was a whole fucking thing with them. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah.

They went second by second. He needs to say alleged here. He can't say Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. They went second by second. He needs to say alleged here. He can't say this. He can't say that. Fucking assholes. All right. I think the thing is that Trevor Bauer allegedly punched her pussy. It just breaks my heart how fucking funny that was. It's like we have to find a way to get that out to the world. We just have to.

I listened to this cacophony of laughter. I mean, this was so fucking funny. What if we beat this name? Like the entire time. Oh, man. Like the entire time Oh man Fuck That is so fucking funny You said allegedly Good to go

Oh shit Oh my god I'm sweating. I'm going to take a break. I'm going to go pee real quick. I think we all have to say bye. Bye. And, okay, a couple more pieces, like, a little more color here on this situation.

She said that the next day He was like Hey Like notice anything missing Like told himself Told on himself And Was kind of like Is this dude a boyfriend or a hookup? A boyfriend

And had been dating for a few months Okay Okay And that I see things a little bit then If this dude Okay Cause like

Let me put it in perspective if you're like if it was a one-night hookup yeah i'm not touching your shit but i'm i'm not touching your shit no matter what but i am i can see being like why are there pictures of you and your ex boyfriend around or like why are the pictures of your ex-boyfriend here or not you're like some dude you hooked up with yeah i i would i wouldn't say anything because I'm a man and I bury that shit. But I would be, in my head, I'd be like, why the fuck? Yeah, I guess it would, like. This dude used to fuck, like, all his stuff around. I do, yeah.

I guess I do kind of come around to that. So it depends on when he threw things out. Yeah. Yeah, if it was night one, a little weird. Asshole, yeah. If it's, like, we've been dating for six months. And if it's, like, I kind of brought it up. And this dude's in the news now for for doing horrible things off the baseball field stuff

like i probably don't want to think about him doing that with you yeah uh and i can't do it with this goddamn pin wall in my peripheral while i'm trying to fuck you that is pretty fair um yeah i i said i didn't even notice they were missing. He told on himself. So she said, I checked the trash because I didn't know if he threw it. Yeah, he called me the next day and said, notice anything missing? And I was pissed. I was like, so, okay.

So then he says to her, her like do you notice anything missing and so then when she was pissed about it he said what do you still have feelings for him and she was just like no those are my fucking belongings but it does seem like it's much more that like not even like uh you know necessarily like jealousy more kind of like i'm upset that you might still like have feelings for him that ultimately falls under jealousy don't get me wrong yeah but it's different to be like I'm throwing this out because he once fucked you versus like

you know I told you it kind of like makes me uncomfortable and then like you still have those things up so like fuck it you know like if there was maybe a prior discussion about it or something along those lines or heavy hints like you know I really don't like the fact that like that happened and i you know see that guy a lot or whatever and then you just kind of left

them all up maybe i could see that but then just to he so and then he he wrote back if i had the bobblehead of a girl you fucked uh of a girl i fucked you would be pissed and that's probably fair yeah a lot of chicks probably would would you would you be upset if a guy had a bobblehead I fucked, you'd be pissed. And that's probably fair. Would you be upset if a guy had a bobblehead of a girl that he fucked? Not a guy, your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. Bobblehead of a girl that he fucked? Let's say all of a sudden your boyfriend's

dating Olivia Rodrigo. We'll call it a Funko. There are probably more Funkos for women than bobbleheads. Let's say there's a piece of memorabilia. Your boyfriend fucked Olivia Rodrigo. And that's up in the apartment.

How would you feel about that? If he got it before he fucked her? Because if so, it's like a shrine. Yeah. She was probably like a fan no i maybe got to know him fucked him then yeah i'm i'm not gonna say i'm not the jealous type because i'm a human and i get jealous um but like i i i like tell them like if i start dating someone

i'm like you don't have to go delete pictures of your ex-boyfriend and stuff like that like i'm on instagram and stuff like that like i don't know. You knew people before me. I don't fucking care. Right, right, right. But your Instagram is different than in your home pictures hanging up. Yeah. I'd be like,

why the fuck is that up? You don't have to scroll back 16 weeks and delete pictures or 16 months or however long it is. That's unnecessary because that's making it too weird. But if it's shit just like

people fucking watch the TV in your apartment and your fucking bobblehead's right there. I'd be like, this is, I mean, is that right? Can we get that? Can we get a little bit? She had been dating for three months though. People fucking watch the TV in your apartment and your fucking bobbleheads right there. I'd be like, this is, I mean, I have to stay around it all the time. Can we get a little bit?

So you've been dating for three months, though. That's, in this day and age, like, you might have hung out with him, like, six times. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you might not have even seen him all that money. You know what I mean? So, like, it also depends on where you're at in the relationship. But I think if it comes across more as, like, this upsets me because I thought we were dating versus, like, I'm just being insecure about this thing that happened in the relationship but i think if it comes across more as like this upsets me because i thought we were dating versus like i'm just being insecure about this thing that happened in the

past different story also last little piece of icing on the cake though that might make you change your mind because i think it paints this guy in a certain way um his his quote to her upon um the breakup let me get it exactly right. He said, you have a really good body, but I can't do this. Is that what he said? Yeah. Which, you know, if you're going to get dumped,

I would love to get dumped that way. Be like, listen, you got a fucking slamming cock. I just can't do this anymore. I'd be like, that's just classic negotiating. I hit you with a good and a bad. You know what I mean? You're having a great hair day, but you're fired. I'd be like, okay, not so bad of a day.

You must have taken a class on that. That's impressive. I am leaving here fulfilled. Thank you. All in all, a doozy. It's a good Am I the Asshole. I think ultimately I'm going to put the onus more on her. Yeah.

I think you're right. As I was talking to her, maybe because she was just presenting it to me. Maybe because she had a fucking rocking bod. Kevin's like, no, he did you dirty, girl. No, I was kind of like just like naturally on her side because she was giving me the details and I was just like, yeah, this guy is a fucking loser.

And that's a shitty way to dump someone. Like, you're hot, but I'm done with you. But then it was one of those like, I think i can laugh and make fun of him but then if i'm putting myself in his shoes and i'm being honest about it i i i wish i wasn't i wish i was like the type of secure guy i'd be like i don't fucking give a shit yeah i don't know but that though that's too much

like i don't give a shit that you had sex with other people i don't give a shit that you've been in other relationships i don't give a shit that you've been in love with other people i don't give a shit that there are pictures of other people on your social media right like i don't give a shit that you had sex with other people. I don't give a shit that you've been in another relationship. I don't give a shit that you've been in love with other people. I don't give a shit that there are pictures of other people on your social media. Right. Like, I don't fucking need the shrine in the house. Absolutely. That's a little bizarre. That's totally fair.

That's totally fair. Unless he died, you want to go kill him, you can leave it all up. So, just to, like, we just want to wrap this up and tie a little bow on this one. Only way you can hang up memorabilia of someone you fucked If you are now in a new relationship Is if they're dead Fair Let me just throw a couple other scenarios at you Okay

Before you do that while you're thinking of them Can I tell you I read this book last summer Called 21 Truths About Love And it's a very interesting book It's all written in a to-do list for the day What a game all written in a to-do list for the day. What a gay ball. It's actually not like... I read a book.

It's actually not about... It's a novel. The 21st one is like, you're gay. Oh, so it's a fiction? Yeah. It's an official book about... And it's all just written in his to-do list by the day.

Every day he wakes up, he has a to-do list and the story's all told. It took me like 50 pages to really get it, but once you get it, it's good. But his wife, her ex-husband died. It's got to be weird. And his first thing to do every day is accept the fact that you're not the love of your

wife's life. Yeah. I was like, that's a tough one. That takes some big shit. That's all. That's all I'm willing to do. That's not easy. But anyway, what are the others?

He is a national hero. Took down the 9-11 plane, stopped it from crashing into his hours. She has a picture of him on the wall, like a newspaper cut out of him. Cool or not cool? Not cool. You don't put Wahlberg up on that wall. He saved your mother's life. Fuck out of here, bro.

I'm mad for two reasons now. He saved your puppy. Nope, not enough. He is Tom Brady. That's okay. What about not Tom Brady, but, like, it's Mac Jones. Say Mac Jones wins a title for you this year. Like, is a Super Bowl champion enough?

Nope. Got to be, like, a dynasty. Got to be the greatest player of all time. The greatest player of all time? Yes. So what if Mac Jones wins four Super Bowls? Tom Brady has seven, so. Mac Jones wins four Super Bowls? Tom Brady has seven, so... Mac Jones wins six Super Bowls. You're not allowing him up on the wall. Nope.

Also, if Mac Jones fucked your girl, he'd put a heart in her. Imagine those hips just clapping your girl's cheeks. Yeah, Tom Brady just fucking made love. Tom Brady just eats puss. Tom Brady didn't even get his dick out. He's like, let me just get that puss, girl. Alright, so let's get into our voicemails.

They're brought to you by Roman. So let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you are hooking up with a chick and over above her bed is a bobblehead of someone else you used to be with in the past and you are having trouble perform. Now, in the past, what would you have to do? You would just have to put that out of your mind and be like, that's okay.

I want to have sex with this girl. Let me get some blood in my penis. And that is apparently, who knew, the hardest thing in the world to tell your body. Think about it. Out of all the things your body can do. You ever think about how much your body and your brain does? Like, something fires in my fucking brain, right? That just says, like like move your arm and my

arm moves it is quite difficult like it's like it's like something fires in my brain to tell my fingers to hold this pen and move it like subtly in ways that I now can communicate with you all of those things and then all I want to do is just say send blood to my penis and it's just like nope just get hard guess what hey fuck the woman hey fuck the woman hey fuck the. And it's just like, nope. Just get harder. Guess what? Hey, fuck the woman. Hey, fuck the woman. Hey, fuck the woman. It's like, no, you know what? I'll retain all of the numbers in pi for you.

I'll let you remember, I'll let you remember, you know, all of the stats from, you know, the 2015 NLCS. I'll let you do all those things with your brain.

I will not let you tell your dick to fill up the blood. I will not tell your heart to send some blood to it. So that's where Roman comes in with all of their help. I forgot we were doing that. I was like, yeah, that's cool. Roman fixed it.

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Super Producer BC So I was Hooking up with this chick this weekend And we got in my car to go back To my place and the first weekend and we got in my car to go back to my place. And the first song she puts on in the car is Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry. And I couldn't tell whether or not I was excited or scared.

Um, so it got me thinking, what song could a girl play in the car that would make you absolutely horrified for what you're about to get into, but you'd still do it anyway. I was going to say horrified in like a good way, get into, but you'd still do it anyway. I was going to say horrified in a good way, right? Yeah. Crazy bitches. That's almost cliche, to be honest, but definitely is still a solid pick. I'd say horrified.

Just a Venge sevenfold in general. I feel like if a chick rolls up and puts on Megan Thee Stallion I'm gonna be a little intimidated Yeah? Not like one of her hits Like a deep cut That I'm like I don't know this song Oh yeah Like if you just play like

Track number seven Off of Megan Thee Stallion's album Cause they're all gonna Still be about like You know like Her pussy fucking Her gorilla grip pussy Or something

And I would know the name I would know the voice I'd hear the lyrics About like Fuck that little bitch's dick off You know And I'd be like Oh fuck This girl's about to Put a hurtin' on me voice I'd hear the lyrics About like Fuck that little bitch's Dick off You know And I'd be like Oh fuck

This girl's about to Put a hurtin' on me But I'd be like This girl's about to Put a hurtin' on me So I'd go I would do I would be

This one we actually We've talked about recently Where we both had Experience with this one Sweet but psycho Is that what it's called Brother That song

If I need blood To my penis that song will do it i've been told by multiple girls this song is about me which is such a girl thing because like i feel like guys kind of get out of that eventually like this is this song is my life and maybe about me yeah i've never even said that once i i said that once. I've felt relatability in songs, but I've never been like, holy shit. This is me. Guys, this song is about my life. Because girls are dumb, boys are not. But I have been told by both of them, this is about me.

And that's horrifying because it's not immediately clear why. Well, yeah. It's like, which side are you? Like, you seem sweet. But then, like, for weeks, you're like, where is the psycho part? Well, let me just, for the people who don't know. And I will also say, both people who have told it to me, did not ever really show the psycho side. So it was just a long time of waiting.

Like, hiding while the T-Rex storms around Jurassic Park, and you're just hiding under the fucking shelves. The psychological torture of something about to happen is worse than the thing actually happening, and that's going to be one of the major pillars and top tenets of the Me Too Too movement. When we launched the Me Too Too movement, where men have their day... Which I don't think we've said this. This was said at a live show. Oh. tenants of the me too too movement when we launched the me too too movement where uh men

have their day which i don't think we've said this this was out of the live show oh so i mean if we're gonna do it it might as well be this episode our last one ever the me too too movement is something john and i have been thinking about for many years now where guys need to have their day in the sun of like anyone who's been in an abusive relationship with a chick much more usually uh mentally abusive and emotionally abusive not physically uh but one of the things that girls will do when they are absolutely tormenting you and emotionally torturing you is threatened to like i'm gonna say this or do this or post this or tell your friends or tell

your family. And you're just like, okay, I'll do anything in the moment to make that not happen. And then you ruin your life. So that'll be a huge piece of the me too. Just so you know, I'm a fucking crazy person.

All right. It's been, been about two years. So really got to be built up at this point. We're talking about Mount Helena. Is it Helena? Helena. Helena.

Anna Wintour on top of Mount Helena. She'll make you curse, but she's a blessing. She'll rip your shirt within a second, but you'll be coming back, back for seconds. With your plate, you just can't help it. It's a very poignant song. Actually, this song was when i was like this is me like i'm not the girl and i'm the guy um there's but i mean sweet but a psycho is like like the chorus is i'm screaming i'm out my mind like you know this girl at least

this one just admits it you know um there there's there's there's one line though I thought that was crazy Poison but tasty Psycho Grab a cop gun Kind of crazy Yeah I know You're fucking nuts I'll punch a police horse

Right in the mouth What's that from? I forget The 30 Rock maybe? But what's funny man Is the last Like verse if you will Is you're just like me

you're out your mind I know it's strange but we're both the crazy kind you're telling me that I'm insane but we don't pretend that you don't love the pain it's like well there's a reason

I'm still fucking here yeah so uh I wish this would be significantly easier but I guess I am still here so yeah this whole thing I'm like yeah crazy people

as you've been I've been drawing my name repeatedly yeah you're a you're a fucking nut you're a fucking nut yeah yeah crazy people tough to deal with next up um uh yeah literally the shining yeah yeah all this and no play makes Jacket Doll Boy. What's up, Fight KFC? This is Will from... You don't give a fuck where I'm from.

I don't even care about your name. He said that so properly. This is Will. I got a small dick. But the thing is, I can last up to an hour in bed. I'm not lying. I'm not exaggerating.

I promise you. I've done it before. We've damn near clocked it. So, I guess it's a would you rather here. Would you rather have small dick like I got? We're talking, you know, three and a half, four inches. Or, you're trying to have

six inches, seven inches and last, like, we're talking three minutes, four minutes in bed. Seems like a fun would you rather. Yeah, for a little small-dicked bitch like you, Will. Hey, Will, you're not going to get the fucking

acceptance you thought you were going to get here. I'd rather not fucking fuck for an hour with my thumb cock. Yeah. I'm trying to think of an analogy here where it's like, Will, Will, Will, Will, I'm sorry. No. Absolutely not. I'm not going think of an analogy here where it's like, Will, Will, Will, Will, I'm sorry.

No, absolutely not. I'm not going with your shitty life, dude. It's like, congratulations, you can do something for a really long time, something that nobody's going to want to do. It's like if you gave horrible massages, but you were like, but I can do it for three hours. It's like, well, I don't want it for even a little bit. I've thought about it.

Extensive amounts of time. Like, all right, man, would you rather be like a fucking dude who is in pretty good shape, or would you rather be able to run an ultra marathon, but you're really skinny? I don't know. I'll be a regular dude in good shape. No, but I get what he's saying of like. No one on the planet wants to fuck for an hour. No one.

No, but... So let's maybe not take his extreme. Let's say he's got stamina. Would you rather have a small dick and stamina or a big dick and no stamina? There's a little more of a debate to be had there. He said five minutes. He can get it going in five.

Dude, anybody out here who hasn't just figured out just make them come with all your other body parts before you start using your dick. Just muck barn. Who fucking cares? They don't give a shit if the fucking cum comes from the dick or the hands or the mouth or whatever. Just get good at the other shit. It's like mastering the four bases, ATI question. By the time you put your dick in, you've done your job right with

everything else, they're seeing stars, bro. At that point, they're fucking done. So who needs your dick to be good? I'd rather have a shitty dick and be good at everything else. Easy for you to say, Mr. Perfect Head. I got a perfect head and I give perfect head. That's just it. That's what I'm good at, Mr. Perfect Head. I got a perfect head, and I give perfect head.

That's just it. That's what I'm good at, bro. Oh, they call Kevin Scylla and Charybdis. What does that mean? The two-headed monster from fucking... From the Odyssey. Guess who wouldn't know that reference, girls. Next.

One more. We'll do one more and get it to our internet. Scylla and Charybus actually might have been two monsters. Do we need one more Addery? Yeah, but there's one more, so we have that in the... I think Scylla and Cryptus are two monsters. What up, KFC, Byte, Jackie, DMV? So the other day, I went to construction, and I was stoned at work,

and I wore a hard hat all day. And I had a headlamp on my hard hat. And it was really dark where I was working. This is so stupid. It was really dark where I was working and I turned the headlamp on. And obviously fucking lit up the room so I could see. But it made me think, what is the best invention that nobody uses like i think the headlamp because that's a light on your head all the time it you can never see anything and now you have use of

your hands uh that's my opinion let me know what you guys think viva it's dude wait so thoroughly impressed with the headlamp cracks me up uh up. I mean, I guess in that certain situation where if you are working in construction in a dark room and you have a headlamp, yeah, that is fucking incredible. For everyone else, I don't think the headlamp is really going to be at the top of their list. I would say

soap. Everybody uses soap, you dumb fucking idiot. Not you. Not you. I would say a month ago this answer would be better. I think this is catching on more. The tapping your card for a while. That's been out for a while.

Mine broke. That sucks, bro. Yeah, it sucks. For, like, I think a couple years now, I feel like it said insert, swipe, or tap. I never even knew I had the tap. I didn't know I possessed that technology. We were swiping until when? That was probably like five years ago now, isn't it?

We're definitely writing about complaining about it. The chip came around, and we had to make the switch. And rather than the banks and the people just telling us, oh, and also you can just tap it up here, we did the insert, put in your pin, wait till it goes, take your card back out, when all the while, there was just this boop, and then you're done.

No fucking nothing else afterwards. No receipt, no nothing. You're just done. And it was sitting there for like years, and we all sat there either putting it in or swiping it. And then once you see the light of the tap. Now, I will say it's a little temperamental. There are still places that it's like, eh, eh, didn't really work, didn't go through.

But that one was just sitting there for years. The amount of time that we all cumulatively wasted inserting, years off of our lives. Do you do the Apple Pay? No, sometimes. But like at that point. I only do it at the subway for some reason. If you have the Apple card, you get all the money back. I don't have an Apple card, so then what's the fucking point?

Yeah. But it's just easy. It's like your phone's in your hand. Your wallet's not in your hand. Yeah, yeah. Even when you're checking out, your phone's in your hand. True. I don't know this. At some point, there must have been a period of time where some people didn't have E-ZPass.

Like, if you didn't – I know that was like Northeast. We had E-ZPass immediately. Never got it. What? Never got it. Never once got it. But you drove a car relatively recently. Drove a car until I moved to New York.

So I drove a car five years ago for seven years. You're a bad person. Never had an E-ZPass. You're a bad person because you're just contributing to traffic. I know you have your own lanes and shit, but you're clogging up things at the at the toll booth that just backs everything what am i gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna go out of my way to get a piece of plastic i don't think so your parents were supposed to get it for you like mine i did eventually the fucking parents for bro i that was that i don't think i ever really fully disclosed

the amount of money i had to pay to EasyPass that one time. It's the most embarrassing thing in my life. Proceed. It was – I mean I had been driving without – because then they removed the gate. You know what I mean? So like you could blow through it and not know if you paid or not. And every now and then I would see the thing that said instead of saying EasyPass Go, it would say like call center. And I was kind of like – I don't know what that means like whatever it didn't say like not what do they want

me to do no but there's so and then i had so many fucking fines probably for fucking years and it was like 4 400 that i had to pay to easy pass when i really when i like really did not need that bro i've i've remember doing that. You know what's funny to me? Do you ever have this where you worry about bills or money on normal little things, but then if something really bad happens, you're like, all right, we'll just fucking pay it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a certain amount of money that I want to keep in my savings, and if I have little bills that make me dip below it, I start to freak out. But then if it's all of a sudden you owe $20,000 in taxes, I'm like, all right, we'll fucking take it. savings and if i have little bills that like make me dip below it i like start to freak out but then if it's all of a sudden like you owe like twenty thousand dollars in taxes i'm like all right we'll fucking take it whatever i actually at one point during my divorce i got so poor that i stopped caring about money because i was like what's the difference between being like actually broke or

like a couple dollars not broke you know what i I mean? I was like, either way, I'm fucked. So might as well like buy those extra shoes or go on that trip or whatever. But the best technology that nobody uses, I know there's a great answer out there. I know it. Like there's got to be something on the TV. The days. Great. They're getting more popular. America's late to that one.

There has got to be some stuff on your phone. Like I know that there's some apps and shit here that are like like gonna make your life so much easier that i'm just like uh like uh utilities nope not looking at that fucking thing uh auto pay i don't use auto pay yep for what for like uh bills like i don't i don't do auto pay again you're you are you're like a gorilla You're like a dumb Primate who just has not evolved Don't use them Oh I think a majority of people use these now Subtitles

Yep we've won the battle That was a really good one for a long time though But probably still vast minority Within the people who watch and talk about TV In our echo chamber I think we're good But most people on the planet do not use it. I bet you there's a bunch of buttons on that television remote control that do a bunch of things that we never use. Like for a long time, there's probably something that has the same value as the last channel.

That doesn't even matter anymore. But back in the day when you could just flip channels. Or like picture in picture I never used. I bet there's some times when that was really fucking useful. Picture? No, because we stopped it. But I feel like if it was useful, it would still be around they're like like that i wish you know what there's something that we i wish in every single house there was a device like you you push

a button and it would print out on paper something from the computer oh i'll print you I like that I mean it would be amazing It's a good idea Imagine that in every house There was a time Where we all had printers And then we just Stopped having printers

It's crazy We just stopped doing it And like the world We stopped doing it Because like For the most part You have everything on your phone Or whatever

But there's still a decent amount of shit That needs to be printed out And then you're like All of a sudden It's 2021 And I'm running to Kinko's or I'm asking someone to print something at work

and bring it home to me and it's like, how can I not just get this thing? And if you do buy a printer, printers are like $7. Ink is like $107. It's fucking crazy. I'm going to think on that some more.

We'll tweet them out. Tweet at us. Best inventions that nobody uses. Do you guys have anything? No. No, because you guys are all dumb. Crack staff over here. Just a bunch of idiots uploading a

fucking 60 second podcast like a bunch of morons. Truly the one minute man the other day. Okay, our interview today with Blair Saki. Very funny comic. She rolls with Rosebud. JB, Jordan Barry recommended her. She has the

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the other day, yo, so was Hoge just like a gigantic scam? Like I checked my MetaMask wallet and it was just gone. And I checked and mine was gone too.

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Like, I mean, other than the fact that it's down tremendously. Fuck! Fucking shit! Well, I was safe, too. Safe was fucking garbage, right? I mean, that had moon too. Safe moon's fucking garbage, right? I mean, that had to be a shot to Dave's ego, right? If I called everyone I knew and was like, just want to let you guys know I'm about to throw my dick around,

so you might want to ride this wave, and then it just completely plummeted. Yeah, that was just insider trading right there. I think, yeah yeah but there's no such thing as i was gonna say yeah i think you're allowed to do that i think we talked about that yeah yeah dave dave wasn't hiding it dave was like yeah i've told people that i'm gonna get it i don't even know what app to check what i have i think it's okay i think i have a wallet uh oh wait where is this is why you got to get FTX. You have all of your crypto in one easy spot.

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Download it today. Let's talk to Blair Saki on KFC Radio. All right, let's do it. So just flew in from LA? Yes. How long have you been in LA? I have been there three years now. And you moved from here?

Yeah. Why? I'm a comedy here. Because you're a sellout bitch. That started comedy here Cause you're a sellout bitch Yes That's why Cause I'm a sellout bitch No I

I'm from California Oh okay I'm from Orange County But I started comedy here And then I think I was just like I need the trees and television You know The traffic

Yeah I need the traffic Dude I've only been to LA Like I think I've only ever been to L.A. with you. And I've never had a good time. So maybe it's a company thing. Oh, really? Yeah. What did you do when you were there?

Nothing. Did you go to like... We did meetings. Oh, no. You know what we did? We did meetings. No, we actually fucking... We had a hell of a night one night.

We met this chick who had... We were playing... We were in Huntington Beach? I don't know. Somewhere like that. We were playing pool. The Florida ofton Beach? I don't know. Somewhere like that. Florida of California. Well, that fits perfectly. Well, then you hang on just a second there.

See, I was not aware that that was the reputation. Had I known that, I would have been prepared for what we encountered. But we were playing pool in Florida of L.A. And we were playing pool with this woman. And she had on like a sundress, much like yourself, in fact. Very Florida, California fashion. And we noticed as the

pool game was progressing that she was covered in bruises. Oh, shit. Like everywhere. Arms, legs, marks and shit. And we never called out those specifically. We asked her what she does for a living. She had just gotten back from, did she say Germany or Europe?

Eastern Europe. Eastern Europe, filming pornography. Oh, shit. And she had been filming rough pornography, apparently. Oh, Eastern block porn? You're going to end up looking like that girl. It makes a lot more sense now. Yeah, and she was like, I just want to come back and chill out in the pool hall.

It was like cigarette smoke and fucking whiskey. It was like, yeah, this is the place to unwind. Yeah, I'm going to take a load off. That is the MMA capital of the world. Yeah, that place is fucking wild. Yeah, well, she represented it well then. It was so funny. We're like two little bitch New Yorkers.

We're not even good at pool. We're like scratching and and shit and she's just like running us off the table talking about her porn bruises probably she's probably yeah she's better than us she just fucked 12 dicks she had a fucking feeling how to swing a stick around oh my god i was like man eastern european i was like can i do you have like a venmo Can I help out? Wow, yeah, what a good guy. Let's at least get you to do porn in America. Sure, sure. Nobody wants to be doing Eastern European porn. I know. I like when men contribute money to the cause.

I'm like, say what you want. Let's see the cash. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, no. I think you're talking to two guys with an OnlyFans. We support. Yeah, absolutely.

We were very big supporters of the OnlyFans revolution. I had an OnlyFans for 18 hours like you like so like i don't have it i have an account that i pay people money on yeah like we don't i don't i don't know i was like oh wow that's so i never um would have yes yeah yeah multi-dimensional multi-faceted men. Yes. Mine is top secret now because I had it just attached to my Twitter once. You know, it's like signing with this. I'm always like, I'm signing with something where I don't have to make a new password. Use my face and fucking get in. Sure, sure.

And then one time I had a girl be like, are you John Feidelberg? I was like, fuck this. That's so funny. You found my Twitter handle? I know. Fuck this. Fuck this. I treat my Twitter like it's my own private space.

Yeah, and it's not. It's not. I say the most that I would never say in person when everyone can see. That's how you get yourself in trouble. Yeah, I'm in trouble. No, I had an OnlyFans. What was the 18-hour OnlyFans event? Well, it all started on Twitter.

That's all good stories start. It all began on the bird. Yes, where everything is, you know, pure and beautiful and full of possibility. And so, I don't know, I just popped off a tweet one day where i was like um do you on only fans can you just show feet or do you have to show whole yeah and no w there right just no it's just a thought and do i have to show whole or kind of because i have a beautiful feet and so i wrote that thinking nothing and then it just was like one retweet, two retweets. Like all of a sudden, just like the tweet like went viral.

And I was like, what is this about? And then I look under all the responses. And it's like all these pervy dudes that are like, oh, my God, start one, start one, start one, start one. I'll subscribe, I'll subscribe. And I was like, what? Are men okay? I was like, is this a thing? Deeply disturbed, Blair.

Yeah, well. So I was like, oh, my God. I'm about to be a business bitch, okay? I was like, I'm going to go to Starwatch. And they're like, are you going to put it on private? And I was like, why would I put it on private? I want people to know it's me. Public as humanly possible.

Yeah, I'm trying to get the cash, bitch. And so I put that. and I put the bio. I said, Blair Saki, ankles down, no hole. Yeah, so I was like, if they look at my bio, they'll see ankles down, no hole. And so I started, and I was like, and that know, my feet were fucking looking raw, nasty. You know what I mean? That's what you get more for. Tarantino style.

No, it was some Tarantino shit. That's how you get like the worse, the better. I didn't even know that. I don't know. I'll explain it in a second. Finish your story. Well, yeah. So then I put it up and I put it up and it's like, it's good.

And I'm getting all these subscribers. And I put out like 20 i was like and then um i'm just like putting ankles down and then like i get a pedicure and i'm starting to get all these ideas i'm like i'm gonna step on electronics um i was like and i started and i was like i'm gonna be the fucking most incredible performance artist and like with doing get so fucking rich with doing little to no labor and like yeah and so then i was like videoing like the pedicurist like massaging my and i was like i this incredible and then i get a call and it's like from my agents and they were like um we saw what you're doing We'll pay you to take it down. Shut up.

Yo, but you should have kept it up. You should have kept it up and extrapolated that and like how much you pay me. Let's sit down at the negotiation table, me versus my agents. I would extort the fuck out of my agents. How much did they pay you? I didn't want them to pay me

and I only had it for like 18 hours. But like, I think I could have been, and I only had it for like 18 hours. But I think I could have done like 100K in like three months or something. Absolutely. But yeah. And then once you start getting that, you start fucking deleting the no hole thing. You're like, all right, if we're getting that, we'll ramp this up. What about just a little whoop?

No way. I was like, ankles down, bitch. Ankles down, no hole is a cool mantra. Ankles down, no hole. like, ankles down, bitch. Ankles down, no hole is a cool mantra. Ankles down, no hole. My bio, Bersaki. Ankles down, no hole. And yeah, but it was just crushed dreams. I was like, what's the matter?

I don't know. It's like severed body parts. You're going to see my body. My Instagram is worse than that. I mean, that might be the new. I've never heard of that because I always say that OnlyFans is the new American dream. It's the new revolution. I think at some point, it's going to

become a little more common, where you don't have to show whole, and everybody's going to have it. You don't have to show whole. You really don't, as we learned. But I understand that there's still a little bit of a stigma. So the new American dream is start an OnlyFans and have someone buy you out. Yeah.

You got to have someone willing to pay you to take down your OnlyFans. I would have been a little more threatening. That's truly no labor. I know. I know. I am too pure of heart. I should have stuck my foot. I should have put my foot down.

Put your foot through a cake. Yeah. I should have put my foot through a fucking cake. Listen, you step in a jar Of peanut butter You put your Peanut butter on your feet You're getting rich bitch

Oh my god That is I really think That you should start a pack up I think that if So they're worried Like about your image And they think that

If you have an OnlyFans And you show your feet That you're not gonna get gigs Or be taken seriously Or some shit Well I auditioned for Nickelodeon A lot Given this voice And so i think they were a little concerned about the

crossover of interests let me just say this since the voice came up i think that plays in the weird weird of only fans too i i think like if you show your feet and then there's also talking in that voice i'm just saying there are guys out there who are going to pay like triple. Oh my god. What do these men want? Fucking middle school or feet? Sick. It's perverted. Men are perverted. But that's one I never latch on. All the barely teen, barely legal stuff. I know I hate that shit.

It disturbs me. They don't do that anymore on Pornhub. They don't say that anymore. They shouldn't. I think once they clean their shit up a little bit, they don't say barely or whatever. That makes sense. A ton of other porn do. It's fucked up. Yeah.

It's like, this chick has braces and ponytails. Like, all right. I never got that. And I never got how it was so popular. If that's like some deep, dark kink that you're shameful of, okay. But like front and center, front page, everything was barely legal. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we made it way more normal by making it brothers and sisters now.

Yeah, we were like, let's get on the incest and forget about this baby shit. But the feet thing, I don't get at all. It doesn't do anything for me. So I learned about it a couple weeks ago. So, like, your brain, like all the wrinkles along your brain have – I swear to God, this is true. The wrinkles on your brain – I love this one. This is starting.

The wrinkles on your brain. Like, you have certain... Why aren't you taking this seriously? Why can't I talk to you about the wrinkles on my brain? Just to be clear, I'm not into it, but this is just how it happens. I want to be clear about something. I don't care about feet. But I've done some research on why I'm so fucking twisted. just how it happens i want to be clear about something i don't care about feet but but i've

done some research on to why i'm so fucking twisted i now know why they are twisted i'm not i'm not long story short the the spot in your brain that like uh is responsible for like thinking and feeling like your genitalia is right next to your feet and people who have foot fetishes literally are just getting like their wires crossed oh so they like legit view the feet as the same like as like a sexual body part because their brain's just like that's so wild which sucks by the way why like if that i i always thought it was just kind of like a preference that i don't know i didn't think there was something like physically going on in your brain that makes you like feet i don't know if i'm with that. So, like, what if you like

tits? Like, that's just... What if you like legs? Yeah, but it's, like, I think it would be not one of the worst ones to have, because, you know, it's PG, and you go to the beach, and you're having a fucking day. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. I guess it's easier to get, but I guess to admit to

people, if you're like, I'm a foot fetish guy that, like, pays for foot fetish stuff, I don't think it's that weird. I don't admit to people, if you're like, I'm a foot fetish guy that pays for foot fetish stuff. I don't think it's that weird. I don't know. But I did feel a lot of guilt to my subscribers. We became a family in those 18 hours. So now I will show my feet on my Instagram because I feel I want to. Sorry, guys.

Here's some for free. Why don't you just do it anonymously, and it's not your name attached to it, and then every now and then you just, like, put on your Instagram, like, this is my friend's feet. It's just an OnlyFans you promote. Yeah. I know. Maybe I need to rethink my terms, but, like.

This is Blake's feet. Check them out. Yeah, yeah. Because that's just I really I mean Good for you Like you're

I don't know I would just take the money Yeah If I could take I'd be like Fuck Nickelodeon Unless they're Fucking paying you the bag

Just fucking tell Nickelodeon Like look We're just doing it In reverse order Usually you have the kids And they end up On OnlyFans at the end We're starting on OnlyFans

Yeah I don't think they would hire me. But if you're listening to Nickelodeon, I'm a multifaceted woman just like these men. We're actually multifaceted women. So you can do Nickelodeon shit and still do whatever kind of comedy you want. But if you cross over into anything sexual. Yeah, that's a weird thing. Like you can get on stage and talk about fucking and sex and feet and stuff. You can do this podcast.

But if you were to engage in it, they're like, no, no, no. Yeah, I don't know. The weird thing about podcasts, I think about this sometimes and I'm like, oh, I guess that's like archived. I'm like, when I have kids, I hope they don't listen to podcasts. I am praying that when my kids get older, podcasts are like a total thing of the past. Like they're going to be like, podcasts? What are you, 100? Yeah, good. Don't ever listen to my game yeah well i mean i try to be a good uh person and you know

progress whatever way we need to progress with um things but like i'm like comedy is not evergreen like i said shit like on stage and you're always getting better at comedy too. And so like, you know, you'll look back at shit from like, you're like, Oh, that was terrible. I fucking,

I was doing the other day when it was raining out. Cause I always think of like this blog I wrote probably seven, eight years ago when our old office and everyone made fun of me for wearing a raincoat in the rain. And it was just like, it was just a regular raincoat. I didn't look like a Gordon. You wore weather gear. Right. And it was like, it was like, am am i gay or something and like the whole blog was about how

like what am i supposed to be like i'm not fucking gay just gonna wear a coat i'm like i never make like there were weird jokes like people actually have an umbrella stuff up my ass like they fucking suck they were bad jokes a bad blog and i was like fuck i wanted to tweet this today but like it's just shitty yeah old material i don't even like watching myself currently let alone right in the past i can't do that i know people on the internet too it's like who are these people i don't know saying that shit like who who was commenting on your blog about a raincoat like queer like i think about it like all the time even the people who who i like i like and who are supportive and nice and stuff. I'm like, what are you doing?

The people you see always on your Twitter feed and comments. It's like, thank you so much. But I just would never do that to anybody. I'm fine with anything positive. Yeah, I also am. I'm going to put my hat in that ring. You can say nice things to me hat in that ring i think that's nice things to me when i think that's even weirder though i know because i gas people up yeah like i

mean i don't gas people up because because because most because i know how i know how sad they are on the inside yeah everyone is like i've realized i mean this is just human nature everyone is much more quick to talk shit on the internet than to hype people up. Especially, you know what I realized that cracked the case is like, we just, we just did like, uh,

like the normal guy demo. Those guys are never going to hype you up. Right. You know, if you're like, yeah, exactly. Like if you're,

if, if a girls who are fans of like a female artist, they're going to be like, slay queen slay. And they're going to go, you know, and then like young people and like their boy bands and shit, they're going to be like Slay Queen Slay and they're going to go, you know, and then like young people and like their boy bands

and shit, they're going to be like overly positive but it's just like we're normal dudes and we're doing comedy from normal dudes. We're never going to get

any support. Yeah, you call me a guy, guess what? It's like having a fucking raincoat. Fucking gay dude. It's like embarrassing for me. Like I don't like

hanging out with people in real life that are talking shit constantly and like not in a fun with people in real life that are talking shit constantly and, like, not in a fun way, but are just, like, negative and talking shit on people. Because that's – I don't want to be – it's not fun. But it's also exhausting to hang out with people who are constantly being like, I love this.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, I find people – Everything is all right. Everything's fine. I can't stand the people who are – you just know we're always going to be happy. Yeah. You just know they're going to be positive or love everything. It like oh yeah it's like a puppy it's like stop just stop

like these negative comment people it's like you would never say that to my fucking face bitch yeah yeah you say what you want about me i have gorgeous ankles but um yeah like i just know they would never say it to my face. Never. And that is weak. Yeah. I feel like you should do the foot thing. That's just really – I'm just thinking about the business side of it all and I just can't see it.

Well, you don't have to do the foot thing because I think women and men, because I've dabbled in this world, are in the golden age of making money for really not doing anything. Like in your DMs, I was talking to – I think it happened to Keegs yesterday. It happened to another girl who works here, Katie Statz. And I think it was probably the same guy who was DMing them being like, can I pay you for a dick rating? A dick rating? Yeah. I've never heard of this. You've never heard of this?

I've heard of a lot a lot some girls have that as like a staple like you sign up for our account and you get like

pictures and videos and I'll rate your dick and da da da and they were like they got random DMs like I'll give you 50 bucks if you rate my dick and I've had this

I've had a fin dom before what's that that's what it's called a fin dom financial domination they want you to spend their money oh I've always a fin-dom before. What's that? That's what it's called? A fin-dom? Financial domination. They want you to spend their money. Oh, I always get those offers. And then I'll be like, yes, bitch, let's go.

And then I never get it. I'm like, you just wanted to say that. Oh, I see. I did it. I did it once. Yeah, whatever happened to that? Was it a woman? No, it was a guy.

It was a guy. Wait, this is wild. Incredible. Yeah, he like. Wait, this is wild. Incredible. Yeah, he like... To be fair, if you want to be reckless with your money, give it to John Feidelberg. He'll find a way. Finn Dom is hilarious. Now I know it.

It's an unbelievable term. It's like fantastic. And this dude just DM'd me and he was like, yo, will you be my Finn master? I don't know. No, I guess he would be my Finn Dom. No, I'm the Finn Dom. He's the Finn sub. He's my fin don like you're the no i'm the fin don he's my fin sub he's my fin sub he's a fin sub and so i was like i was like uh i was like what is what does that mean he's like basically i just pay you money and you insult me and i was like

yeah i'm fucking in and he's like he's like what can i get for 100 bucks i was like nothing you cheap piece of shit you little fucking bitch yeah yeah he does you cheap little bitch and then he's like all right here's 100 bucks like that was a good one and then we did it for like a few days and then he was like he's like will you uh he oh he just sent me his dick like he didn't send money he sent me a picture of his dick he's like will you make fun of this and it was just like the saddest dick i ever seen i was like too real man this got too fucking real dude it's all it's all easy to you know it's all fun and games talking about it until you And it was just like the saddest dick I ever seen. I was like, too real, man. This got too fucking real, dude. It's all easy to, you know, it's all fun and games talking about it

until you got to fucking write back and describe someone's dick. Yeah. Describe some dude's little dick. I was like, I think I'm out, man. Yeah, that's tough. That can get dark real quick. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to be on the hook for anything sexual. I was like, I don't want to give someone that.

How much money, though? What's your number? How much money for what? To rate that pathetic dick. Oh, fucking buck ten. I got a guy. If I lasted, I'd be totally honest. He just sent it without Venmoing me first.

I get worried if there's any. I don't care personally i'll fucking look at your dick and make fun of your dick and you send me money but it's like it's gonna have like your name attached to the message or if you have to dig a video or whatever it's like i just don't want that out there yeah but if we can keep this totally private like if we could do it on the phone your dick sucks dude yeah that'd mow me 500. Let's go. There's no way, though. Yeah, I'd kept mine pretty secret until I told it on a podcast. Oh, my gosh.

That's the thing about OnlyFans, too. It's, like, completely unprotected, all of it. Yeah, yeah. You know? Well, I also think it's, like, people who have the anonymous OnlyFans, it's, like, how do you get a goal? I know. How do you get subscribers?

It says, I've looked into this. I've looked into that in the brain, the feet. It says, like, your page will grow very much if you, like, tweet about it and post it on your Instagram. Yeah. Well, yeah, but that's the problem, is that I don't want to show that. Yeah, exactly. So that's what you need, like, a friend or some shit

to post it. Right. It's like, yo, you post your OnlyFans and I'll post, you post mine, I'll post yours. Yeah. That's the new I'll show you mine, you show me yours. Damn. You guys are really well-versed, educated, schooled on OnlyFans. Yeah, I know. You start the fucking revolution, man.

Yeah. We were big OnlyFans people. I'm off the OnlyFans now, though. I've used it a little too much. Like when I had people, random fucking porn stars being like, oh, is this your Twitter handle? I was like, I am flying a little close to the sun here with the DMs I'm sending and the fucking public profile I have. I'm going to fly a little close to the sun on this fucking podcast. I should shut my fucking mouth more often.

Thank God you don't, bud. I should shut my fucking mouth more often. I feel like I should shut my mouth. Thank God you don't, bud. Thank God you fucking don't. We wouldn't have a career. So back in New York for just a visit or what? I'm doing it. When is this going to come out? Tomorrow.

Oh, sick. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday, I'm doing, I'm headlining a show at the Bell House in Brooklyn on Thursday night with Chloe Feynman from SNL, Joe Pera, and Sydney Washington. Awesome. And were you out last night in New York or were you with Rosebud in L.A.? Oh, she was in L.A. She came to my show and then she's staying at my apartment and I'm staying at her apartment. And she's coming back in a few days.

A little like holiday swap. You ever seen that? Yeah, except it's fucking you're living in Rosebud spot. That sucks. She's got a pink bat. Who's getting the short end of that stick? She is. She is?

Really? Yeah, yeah. Her apartment, I walked in today and I was like, damn, bitch. Okay. And she walked into yours and went, damn, bitch. No, she's very kind. She's like, damn, bitch, okay. And she walked into yours and went, damn, bitch. No, she's very kind. She's like, I love it here. Like, yeah, my apartment's not bad.

But hers, like, she just moved, and it's very nice. Okay, so they're on the come up, huh? It's not like a comedian one bedroom. It's like sex in the city one. You're like, oh, this is gigantic. She used to talk about the you know the kids smoking cigs on her stoop yeah how she had to like bull you know get like through the bullies to get into her apartment so i guess she's it's just so funny that she talks about

anyone smoking on a stoop because we will be in like the most uh serious place and she'll just pull out her vape and I will be just in a cloud of smoke. And I'm like, yeah, get away, you New York bitch. Okay, this is clean California. We smoke weed here. Yeah, only weed only, please. That's the dab. Yeah.

Oh my God. I don't even know what a dab is. I'm gonna fucking lose it. I don't either. I feel like I took one and passed out and I was like, I don't think... That sounds about right don't think I'm too weak for this. Do you smoke a lot of weed?

My thing is gummies. And I only do it after the sun goes down. I have to have rules. Yeah. Because a lot of my friends, I go pretty mute once I have weed. And so it's not really a social thing for me. It's just when I'm on the couch and I want to go to another

galaxy. I want to time travel in my body. Have you done any of this Delta 8 shit? No, what's that? It's one of our sponsors. It's called 3Chi. It's called Delta 8. That's the chemical part of it. It's an extract out of the THC. It's like, they take like, it's called Delta A, that's like the chemical part of it. It's like an extract out of the

THC. Oh. And it's like a lot of the good of weed with some, like, none of the bad. But when it first came out, people thought it was like CBD. Right. And they were like, oh, you know, CBD is not real. Placebo bullshit. Right. So people were taking it like it was CBD. Like,

and it's... I took it all home, John. You took it all home. I was looking for something to give to you. So that, like, exactly. But what does it do? It just gets you fucking hot. So, like, I mean, same sort of shit. It's, you know, people are. I love education.

The real use is for anxiety and then, you know, good sleep and all that shit. Wow. But we all just thought, like, ah, another sponsor. Maybe it's like a CBD thing. And then we were like, oh. One of our guys here actually told his mom. He was like, yeah, it's like the CBD thing. So take like four.

And you need to take like half. Oh, my god. You need to take like half of one. Oh, my god. Yeah, in the hospital, I think, right? She was like hearing voices and all sorts of things. Oh, I've been there, sister. Yeah.

Have you been in the hospital for too much weed? No, no. I've never been to the hospital For a party related incident But one time See He had that like on deck Like very proud

Like hi my name's Blair And I've never been to a hospital For a party related incident I don't even know How many times I have been To the hospital For a party related incident Really?

Yeah Oh damn Okay well No I'm the youngest Of like older brothers So I started all this shit When I was like 13 And the only way That I started all this shit when I was 13. And the only way that I could be around and was allowed in the room is if I never had any issue with anything.

So I learned immediately how to hold alcohol, how to never be whatever. That's good, though. To be calm as hell and to not lose my purse, not lose my jacket, not do whatever. That's why you're a mute. You take it. I guess. No, we just like, I go, it's like I go into different rooms in my brain and forget that anyone is in front of me, you know.

But, no, one time in college, I remember it was like when medical marijuana was first a thing and the water polo player next door to me got a card and so Where'd you go to school? UCLA Yeah and he got like a brownie he's like here you need this brownie and then like he's like here's a weed horchata or whatever

and this was like Horchata with weed in it and it's like a beautiful mexican drink uh traditional mexican drink uh i think it's mexican folk uh and then so like whatever i got so fucking high that um i remember laying down and like my body was, and I remember being like, move your arm, Blair, and my arm being not moving, and I was like, oh no,

my brain is disconnected from my limb. And then I was like, my arm, I was like, move arm, move, and my arm wouldn't move, and then I was like, God, if you let me have movement in my body again, I'll never do drugs again. Last like a week, but, you know but I was like, I'm fucking paralyzed.

Like that's what paralyzed, like move your fingers. Like, come on. I can do it. Like I move my fingers. There's hope. There's hope. That is the worst. We actually talked about that yesterday.

I forget why we were talking about that with like, oh, with Jon Bernthal. And like the, to make the promises you make to God. If like, if like, if if you fix this like i promise i will one thing i promise i'll clean my act up i'll start going to church and then like it happens you're like boy i'm gonna i'm gonna renege on this promise to the lord your savior yeah yeah and it's so funny too because like i think at that point i don't i didn't even like uh believe in god but then you find out you're like like, oh, when shit goes down, I'm all of a sudden throwing up a prayer. He's there all the time.

God, you should have gone half now, half later. I'm not doing any of that shit. You should have collected half early up front. I don't honor respect to God. I'm like, man, you know I'm not going to. If you are the holy being, you know this is bullshit. I i'm not gonna waste your time filling your inbox with prayers that you know i'm not holding up my end of the bargain dear god looks down no not you yeah i've seen too much again i listen to the podcast i know what you fucking say about this shit once you get older

you know you don't even say that shit anymore. But when you're younger, you're like, you're all about trying to, like, make deals still. Dude, I made those promises a lot, and I fucking, I don't think it ever came true. Like, I think I'm good. I don't think I ever. You don't know him? I don't think I ever welched. Like, I think every single time. I mean, look at your life.

I don't think he gave you much. He hasn't delivered on his end of the bargain either. You know? Yeah. Fucking. I was like, please save my grandfather. He died that day. All right, bro.

I don't think I needed that clear a message. The cell phone I had for emergency started ringing in the middle of my prayer. I was like, Ramstein, did you say something? Did you ask God for a special day? That's so funny.

Oh my God. God should have made you, bro. Try and make another wager with God. Because now my mom and my dad are dead. Oh my God. That's how conversations with my mother go. You killed my mom, you bitch. Yeah, so you have a really good christian

relationship with the lord yes do you do mushrooms i love mushrooms yeah mushrooms you know in my old age now mushrooms is the only shit that i do except i did do ayahuasca during quarantine how was that it was crazy where'd you go? I did it like an hour outside of LA. I'd always wanted to do it for years, but I was like, I'd always heard like, don't do it in LA. It's just like fake white people,

bullshit, like wellness influencers or whatever. And then someone told me that they knew someone who had a great experience and I was like, sign me up. I'll go to some freaking freak fest in the mountains

by myself that'll probably end in murder murder's best case scenario cause like there was a whole month of prep it was really gnarly they have the dieta where you have to take out all this stuff from your diet

and then no drinking no smoking no caffeine have to like take out all this stuff from your diet. And then, you know, no drinking, no smoking, no caffeine, no medication, no allergy, like all this shit. For a month? Well. Like what if you really need that medication? Take me out. I'm out. I know. I think you can't really do it if you need that shit.

I thought it was like because of that stuff. I thought you used it to get like your body off of caffeine and drugs and alcohol and like addictions and stuff like that i don't know i didn't go into it with like a save you were just like let's just have some fun yeah it's not fun it's not a fun thing i wouldn't do it if you're looking for fun no no this will take you to like the fucking crevices of your soul in like the core of the earth that's like what i hear from everybody, and I'm like, why does anybody do this? I don't know. I just thought, I don't know.

What was your experience? I was like, well, I'll probably become a cute wife soon, like a kid, and I don't know. I'll probably just, this is my chance to do something fucking nuts. Can't be a mom doing that. So you did ayahuasca because of a self-imposed deadline? No, I was just like, now seems like a good time.

I'm going to get knocked out soon. Some guy's going to leave it in soon, so I got to hallucinate in the fucking desert. Yeah, so I thought, why don't I just explore some inner terrain? And I had heard, like, it's not fun at all. Like, every podcast and documentary I watch, I was like, you're going to literally go to the fucking scariest, darkest place beyond what you can even conceive. And you puke and stuff, right? Yeah, yeah, you puke a lot.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of throat. You puke your fucking brains out. You puke like you... You puke the dark parts of your brain out. Oh, my God. Also, I remember, obviously, I was on DMT, but you puke...

I mean, obviously. Is it the same thing? yeah yeah oh okay okay and so like I was looking in the bucket and it's like black and like

I don't actually know if this interpretation was real or not but it looked like black sludge like you puking out like I don't know your demons or something

and I remember looking down and there was like two glowing eyes in it you guys are so scared of me right now yes horrifying and like and I remember looking down and there was like two glowing eyes in it. You guys are so scared of me right now. Yes, horrifying. And people do this intentionally.

It sounds like a torture method. No, it was really cool. No, it wasn't. It was cool because – If you went to a party and there was a bucket of black sludge with demon eyes in it and someone said to you, how was that party? Would you say it was cool? No, the guardians pick it up right away. So it was a quick look i was like oh there's a little guy in my um in my in there oh i just puked up a soul and the guardians pick it up what's that like

but the staff taking care of you but there's so much ritual it's like this very sacred thing i was like oh i don't need to do acid now. I really do that. But I was expecting something fucking terrifying like the Death Eaters from Harry Potter or something that was going to really wreck me. And I guess I needed the opposite thing because I got taken to a pink marshmallow jungle. And everything – it was like a Pixar movie. And I was like, wow. I also didn't even know that your brain could see that stuff. Tell you what, pink mushroom jungles kind of swayed me. Marshmallow.

Marshmallow jungles. Yeah. Kind of. That sounds cool. Yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah, but I was part of the movement. The puke demons, not my bag. The puke demons.

And that lasts for a long time, right? Yeah, I mean, you're in a ceremony. They do so much ritual and prayer. It's like hours and hours, but it was just a weekend long. How many? A weekend long? That's too long to be on drugs. They do it like 10 days in Peru and shit.

See, this is what I'm afraid of doing it. I know that I got enough issues and shit. I used to be like that. i'm not even i used to be like that i'm not even scared of what my brain is going to project anymore i've seen the fuck i don't think you have that's how i felt i was like i've already done all of i've already like uh done so much excavation in there you can't fucking scare me. Then a puke demon looked you dead in the eye. I didn't even – I wasn't even scared. I was like, hey, babe. Like that.

Yeah, yeah. But like I think if it's not something – it is really fucking gnarly. So if it's not something that you're genuinely interested in, you don't need to do it. I don't think I'll ever do it again, but it was really cool. Was it just the experience? I feel like some people come out of it and they're like, my entire mindset on life shifted because of this, that. I shifted the way I thought about money. I shifted the way I thought about relationships. Yeah.

Or were you just like, that was a cool weekend. Back to my normal self. I was like, that was really cool. I meditate a lot. I'm like this. You're so fucking LA hippie. I know. I know. I am just an LA bitchie. I know. I know. I am

just an LA bitch. I guess, I don't know. I'd already done a lot of that. I think if you don't do that stuff, it would break your mind. It would be mentally fractured forever. You would never recover. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I grew up in that era of like where they just scared you too much about drugs and shit like that. You heard the urban legends about fucking, you know, took acid and never came out of your trip and all these things. And I'm just like, nah, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, I'm like that with other drugs. Like I've never done like the – I've never been into like the pills and uppers and all that. Yeah. Just the wacky shit. Just the existential fucking hallucinogens.

All that other stuff scares me. Fucking lunatic. Goddamn psychopath. The pills. Oh, cocaine makes you stay up? No thanks. I'm going to go into fucking... You're into puke demons.

Cocaine just makes you fucking stay up late and want to open a bar with your friend. That's about it. You just stay up and design a bar. Never talk about it ever again. I'll be tired with the demons. Cocaine made me grind my teeth. Adderall did.

When I did Adderall in college, I'd wake up like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But fucking pills, I never liked. Pills... I only did Xanax once And I've told this story Before on a podcast

It just puts me to sleep Oh it's heaven That's that shit That would be my biggest fear Of getting addicted to something Because you just feel like You're floating No

See I don't I've never had that experience With pills Where it was like I was doing I did it once My brother We were coming home from Jamaica

My brother just turns around And he hands me a pill He just goes Yo take this And i didn't even ask a question i just took it and i'd never taken are you the younger one no i'm the older one oh yeah he's the cooler one whoa didn't see that coming um and and so like we go through the airport line jamaica and then we had a layover in atlanta it's not that far of a flight well we lay over in atlanta and then we had a layover in Atlanta. It's not that far of a flight. We had a layover in Atlanta. And then I lived in Boston at the time. And then I knew we had a layover in Atlanta,

but I don't remember any of it. And then the next thing I know, I literally remember taking the pill, going through security, and then the next thing I know, I was dragging my bag through the parking lot at Logan Airport. And I was like, where did the last six hours go? I was alone.

I was with my whole family when I took the pill. I was alone in the parking lot, and it was nighttime. I was like, what the fuck happened? That's how I feel when I take a five milligram edible. Literally. That's why I can't be outside. You lock yourself in the room. It's truly time traveling.

It is time traveling. I woke up there. I came out of it. Here is a totally different place. It's like taking a vacation in your body. That's why I used to think it was scary how casually we would black out and stop drinking because it would be like, I don't know what happened. Yeah.

You know, like there's like several hours that are just gone. I know. What if we fucking killed somebody? I always liked it though. I liked how like my brain and my body were like simpatico where it was like, my body was like, yo, dude, I got to take the night off. Like I know how to get it. So I'm like, I'm good.

You know, isn't that funny though? Like I would, I always like put my phone in the charger or take my shoes off and put them in the closet or whatever, hang my coat up, little things like that. Me too. I would also wake up with a slice of pizza on my face, but all these other things were specially perfectly done. Yeah. I would be like, I can't believe I fucking folded my shirt.

I don't even do that. I'm sober. That's what I mean. It's incredible. I was definitely more tidy and can't believe I fucking folded my shirt. I don't even do that sober. That's what I mean. It's incredible. I was definitely more tidy and neat drunk than I was sober. When I'm sober, I throw on my shirt, throw on my shirt around, whatever. Yeah, because you work a little harder. I guess, yeah.

Yeah, you're like, I'm fine. I got to prove it. I got to prove I'm good. Yeah, yeah. It's like the people who used to say that they were idiots in high school would be like, I'm a better driver when I'm drunk. Yes. Because I focus more.

Because I try to make it look like I'm not drunk. So you come home shit-faced at night I don't want anyone to think I came home wasted So I'll just make sure I clean up the kitchen Clean up the living room Also there were times where I almost burned the house down I remember that feeling in high school Coming home and talking to my mom

Because my mom would wait up And I would just be like Just look her right in the fucking eyes like just stared at and just be so calm answer like very eloquent answers and like i know my mom knew but because she could but she could never catch me though she didn't have the evidence she has the goods she never had the evidence my buddy used to keep a bottle of mouthwash outside like his front porch and would rip some mouthwash before going in. It's like why would you come home at 2 a.m. with perfectly minty breath?

That's hilarious. That's so funny. But I guess, you know, again, like it's like I had a stick of gum, mom. Like I know you got me, but it's like the mafia. Like I know you know I did it, but you don't have the evidence, you know. But I mean then you realize also that once you get a little older and see someone who's drunk trying to pretend to be sober you realize how blatantly fucking obvious yeah or like a 16 year old kid right you realize that you didn't get away with it ever yeah you just had parents or teachers or whoever who were just

like i'm gonna let them get off the hook yeah like you didn't beat you didn't trick them they just didn't that's one of my favorite tweets that. It's like, I thought I tricked my parents coming home high every day from high school, and then I realized that sober people don't give goodnight handshakes. Goodnight, father. Goodnight, sober mother. Goodnight, sober father. I, the sober child, will lay down to go to bed as well now. That's fucking funny yeah I think about that

as like I decided if I wanted like become a mom and I was like does all this have to end yes I had to just change

you're hot to become a mom huh no I don't know I mean this is like the second time you brought it up I feel like you're you're looking for yellow baby fever I'm wrestling with it

because you know I have to just sigh but then like I'm a comedian and I travel everywhere and I have this whole life because you know I have to decide but then like I'm a comedian and I travel everywhere and I have this whole life and you know men don't have to change

that biological clock shit sucks because it's like you could do whatever and just decide later but it's like no no men could be at like 44

they're like yeah I think I want to I think I want to have this shit pop one out for me in my spare time if I can make it home, if I can just do a drive-by at my house and say hello.

But, yeah, I'm trying to, like – The advice given to fathers is just the fucking best. How do you be a good dad? Just be there. How do you be a good mother? Sacrifice your body, your time, your nipples, your vagina, everything you hold dear in your life. Yeah, everything incredible. And, and then dudes on instagram are like babysitting my kids for the

night you're like what you're babysitting you're babysitting being a father someone paying for you to watch your children once a month while your wife goes to the fucking movies bitch oh my god yeah yeah the bar is pretty fucking low. That's why I know. That's why it seemed very terrifying decision. How old are you? I'm not telling you. Oh, my God.

We just met, babe. Wow. My answer is unequivocally no, don't do it. Really? Yeah. Do you have children? Mm-hmm. Ooh.

Nope. If you, I mean, well, no. really yeah do you have children if you i mean well no it's like uh you you will you totally like sacrifice your career and shit like i should say totally but like substantially where it's like you have to pick kind of between the two or my my like biggest struggle was like you're not like doing everything at home but you're not doing everything at work you're not like doing everything at home but you're not doing everything at work you're like failing kind of on both fronts I know

I hate that feeling right it's like people at work were like you you know you should be at work more and people at home were like

all you ever do is work right well fuck yeah exactly it's just like it seems like a lot of guilt and I already wrestle with guilt

so I don't know yeah it's too ayahuasca only time will tell what's going to happen. Yeah. Do you have a boyfriend? No. Oh, so you're just like, fuck it.

I'll just do this shit on my own. No, no. No, I would not do that. Why would anyone do that? Well, because eventually you realize that the men are useless and just like our hindrance i've seen a lot of good men uh but i i i retire i recently retired from dating comedians and so uh i'm a video queen sort of um but now yeah i now i have to when i'm not dating these men that i'm around all the time i have to like consider other men that are like dating comics just because you like the closest like a proximity like yeah yeah in the club

together yeah you're actually attracted and they're like very funny and they're very charismatic and they're very smart and they're in your fucking face constantly you know and um good thing no it's just how it happens oh okay got it um where you. Where you're like, eventually, you're just like, all right, I've seen you. I've seen you every night. All right, you got me. I'm tired. Yeah, you've worn me down. It's a war of attrition.

This is drowning. I will bother you until you accept me inside of you. It's a numbers game and a long con where it's just like, I'll bother you until you accept me inside of you. It's a numbers game and a long con where it's just like I'll bother you for months. Yeah. But my last few serious relationships were like both comedians and now it's like I think that's like for my 20s and now I've sort of moved on. I've always been shocked by like Rosebud and Andy or Ridgefoss and Bonnie or any of the comedy couples because it's like it also just feels like I mean comics are like kind of inherently

narcissistic and thinking about themselves and like trying to always be the funniest and one up each other with jokes and also like all your material it's like so this girl I know you know who I want to fucking kill because she drives

me crazy uh who do we think it is you know all that shit just seems like it's it's there's it's an uphill battle yeah i mean i never had that issue in relationships it was like pretty you were just funnier you were the funnier comment well you said it on me but um but like it's i don't know it's easy to like I feel like talk about your relationship or the other person without like saying anything mean to them Rosebud and Andy

take it in a way that is shocking to me every day interesting approach going forward I'm like wow wow

we really didn't hold back there yeah yeah I'm like I am much softer than that but but you know what

That's what's funny to do because they are also Like the most fucking mushy Couple I know Like yeah she'll ruthlessly make fun of All of his shortcomings But then you know you'll see a post Or just them every now and then be like You know you'll love my life

Oh yeah they're very very in love But I don't know. We'll see what's going on. I feel like I did develop, like, extreme commitment issues. So I'm working through that now. In what way? Like you're afraid to commit? Yes.

Yeah. And so now I'm trying to re-unlearn stop Heisman-y. Re-unlearn. Re-unlearn. Re-unlearn. Breaking my brain. Yeah.

Re-unlearn. So that I can welcome a man into my life one day. I feel like welcoming a man into your life, again, if we're doing the baby thing, it's like my mom welcoming my dad

into the kitchen on Thanksgiving. You can hang around for a minute and you're like, you're just going to fuck it up. It's not for a baby necessarily. I don't know. I'm still trying to decide. It's tricky, though. It is. Are you going to have a baby?

No, no, no, no. You're sure? I mean, I'm not sure. I'll probably have an accidental one. Wow. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'll probably have an accidental one. But the... Wow. I don't know. I'm not going to get a vasectomy, so...

Semen might do what fucking God-given intention is. Right. You're probably sterile. We know how God feels about you. Yeah, it's like, why is he going to give me a kid? I know what he fucking hates. No, but I've had a laptop in my lap for 15 plus years. Sure.

My shit's either going to come out like fucking Dwayne Johnson. Right, right. Or like... A tail. Or like fuck. I think that's what happened to me. I think it was supercharged. I think it's one or the other.

He absolutely either kills it or turns it like Spider-Man. When we were here for a long time, we used to just blog at home on our couches. So we just had laptops just sitting in our laps. Right. We didn't have offices. We just had fucking couches and TVs in a fucking studio apartment. And yeah, it's just been in my lap. Like, my fucking shit is cocked.

Well done. Damn. Maybe mine is too. I don't know. I don't know. But also, chicks don't do this. Actually, I guess you do. But I don't know if it affects your fucking stuff.

But I was writing all my genius stuff. But when you drive, do you slide it under your piece? Well, not your piece, but your hooch? My phone? Phone goes directly under your balls when you're driving. Really? Yeah. It always does.

It's like, oh, yeah, here you go. No, no, mine's just in the holder. Yeah, oh. You're not worried about fucking the internet. I thought you were pushing the holder. Mine's just in the holder no i just put it where phones go i'm trying to shove it up my ass that was if you hit a speed bump too fast fuck you i was like no i don't play my that's where that's why there's no hole On the only fans You with the phones

Yeah I ain't goes down no hole I ain't goes down no hole That was one of the weird things I found out when When I learned that That was like Kind of a universal thing That guys do

What? Put it under your balls Yeah I just thought that's what I do I still don't understand it It's I think that's Kind of like a nice little book

And the How fucking guys Are so goddamn perverted I think it's just like nice little book And how fucking guys are so goddamn perverted I think it's just like Man I hope someone texts me So you just get one jolt of a second Yeah It's like how we grew up

Fucking give each other sack taps Oh yeah oh my god I remember that shit Like watching the men I love All around me In my prison of toxic masculinity that I grew up in. It's just like the youngest of all boys just being like, what the fuck is going on? Just being like a little girl watching like, what the fuck?

I don't know. In middle school, the girls were like sirens and gap sweatshirts. So they'd come around and your friend would be like, yo, go give John a hug. So I'd be like, John, can I have a hug? They'd be like, oh, how you doing, girl? I'd be fucking so exposed. And then a friend would come around and be like, your friend would be like, yo, go give John a hug. So I'd be like, John, can I have a hug? They'd be like, oh, Britt, how you doing, girl? I'd be fucking so exposed. And then a friend would come around the corner. Bam!

Oh, Britt, how you doing, girl? My best friend of my life just fucking sold me out. Tried to put my nuts into my lower stomach. Were you like tomboy at all? Where's the ages? I'm four and a half. I'm the youngest. Four and a half.

It was full-on hand-to-hand combat. I grew up in a very much so hardcore sports, like fishing, diving, hunting. All of it. Diving was an interesting middle there. I didn't, well, I did. Fishing and hunting with speedos in between. I'm willing to bet it's more jumping off of really high shit.

No, no. The diving team? No, no, no. It's like spearfishing. Oh! That makes much more sense. Yeah. I thought you were talking about like the dudes at the Olympics.

Jumping? No, I thought like speedos at the Olympics like this is the high one look at my backflip round out I did so much shit that is stunning to me now like and this is all in California? yeah like most of our family trips were like driving down Baja Peninsula

like we would like night like the most like you would never think a 10 year old girl should be doing ever ever ever but i mean our my whole life was like sports and surfing what was the craziest shit you were done as a 10 year old girl it's like holy shit well i think like diving in the middle of the night with like my dad and brothers at like midnight when i was like 10 i didn't have a gun i fucking needed one damn like oh jesus christ i mean like i did like cliff diving like scary i did so much terrifying caves my brothers do still to this day and like moray eels like pop they're like yeah i

saw a moray eel popped out of my i was like i would have a heart attack if that moray eel the fucked up one they're the scariest they have full teeth I'm looking up I can picture it already they're the scariest fucking thing they pop out of like

holes in the gears yeah cause that's they die for lobsters like during lobster season and they're nocturnal animals so they're like dumb and so when they're looking in

they have gloves but they like reach into holes and a lot of times that's where the eels are and they're so scary. Ew, fuck off. They're so scary, yeah.

Can you imagine? Like, look at that. Look at that fucking thing. That is a monster. Yeah, it is a monster. Like if I were to make a movie and be like, all right, we need like a monster to exist in the ocean,

I would draw that fucking picture. Yeah. And people are, ugh are it's like a snake but it can breathe underwater and i had sharp teeth yeah fuck that i know so when did you um did you was there a moment where you were like i am gonna like wear makeup and do my hair and dresses and not be like beating people up and no i mean like an idiot guy. No, I always was like, if I wanted to turn it on, I could. On a Friday. Put a little...

But you know what I mean? Oh, I know exactly what you mean. On a Friday, I would be... Okay. So your brothers love that. Monday through Thursday, she's a blast. And then on Friday, she's la-la-la. No, I mean, I grew up on the beach, just surfing and doing all that stuff and volleyball.

And I played college volleyball. And my whole life was just those things until I finally quit volleyball. And then I was like, oh, I can get into the arts and stuff. Get into the arts. The arts. Is that what we're calling it? Then I can get into the arts and talk about my pussy on stage.

Is that what we're tonight at the bell house? Are we talking about your pussy? Thursday night at the bell house. But this comes out Thursday. Oh yeah. Tonight at the bell house. Tonight at the bell house.

We're time traveling. Tonight. Oh my god. I love to time travel Time traveling and pussy That's what we're talking about tonight on stage No I mean look there are some things about my pussy But it's a whole spectrum Of incredible Lexicon of subjects I thought you were saying your pussy is an incredible spectrum

That too But I don't need – I mean my – it precedes any explanation. Yeah. All right. Cool. So people can get tickets to see that tonight if they're out. It's in Brooklyn, right? The Bell House?

Yes, please. In Brooklyn at the Bell House. We have great guests. Possibly another big surprise and it's going gonna be a really good show. And where can I find you on social and all that shit? You can find me at Blair Socky B-L-A-I-R S-O-C-C-I. I gotta admit, I've been

in my head reading it as Sochi. The whole time. Oh, yeah. I'll be honest, that's why I didn't quite say your name at first. I'm gonna try to figure this out as we go. That's good. I mean, I don't care. Phonetically, I feel those people are also right. Yeah. But my great-

Have you spent your whole life saying, it's actually Socky? See, I'm- Socky. I'm Feidelberg, and I'm just like, I'll fucking, I'll reply to anything. That's how I am, and I don't give a fuck. People get very defensive of their names.

Like, this is how my name's pronounced. Comedians are so defensive. Call me fucking Ted. Stay with me. Thatedians are so defensive. Call me fucking Ted. Same with me. That's exactly how I feel. It's like the lowest form of self-worth. It's just like, please call me by my name. And you guys are like, I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. I don't deserve that treatment. No, I'm just a chill dude, you know? I need to get upset by what you don't know. You don't know how to pronounce my name. It's a fucking hard name. Who gives a shit? Blair Saki.

Do you ever like Saki, like the drink? Yeah, I love Saki. Yeah. I hate Saki. Oh, really? I think it's disgusting. I love it. Are you curious how smooth I made that during this? I was.

I am. That's like a perfect Hershey kiss. That is nice. That's pretty good. Yeah. Okay. Turn around. That was his last thing that he created while

on the show. Oh, wow. A lot of growth. A lot of growth. It was our anniversary, right? Yeah. Our anniversary and it was the 11th year and that's pottery. There's always a medal or something assigned to it.

So I said, while we record today, why don't we make things out of pottery? So he made that, and I made this dick slash microphone. So I was like, oh, look, I made a microphone. And he was like, I did this. And now, a few months later. Yeah, look at me I've really grown as a person you have

yeah that's like John Scissorhead yeah this is like John is a special ed kid yeah you show that to a psychotherapist

they're gonna be like here's my number give me a call you're really in the id it's good yeah alright Blair well thank you for coming through

thank you so much for having me I had a great time. It was great to meet you. I had an absolute blast. Nice to meet you as well. Great. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you.