KFC Radio - Tim Dillon, Steve Wilkos, You Killed "Karen", The Memorial Day Hangover Podcast

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

Subscribe, rate five stars, and leave a review! KFC made his way to Boston to join Feits for Memorial Day and is having his "Jordan Flu Game" of podcasting on a hangover. Would you rather be the Pope or the President? We have a funeral for the term "Karen" on social media. Top 5 Tuesday returns with Top 5 Holidays. Tweet us your top 5(social links below). Voicemails include "am I a virgin?", backhanded gifts, and pro sports vs leisure sports. (01:01:50)Tim Dillon joins the show. We discuss the overuse of the term hero, convincing people you know what you're talking about by speaking with conviction, questioning billionaires, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Call Her Daddy, and much more. (01:41:58) Steve Wilkos joins the show. We discuss how he went from Jerry Springer's body guard to having a show of his own, having an iconic look, and several crazy stories from his time as a body guard. As always, let us know what you think of the podcast and follow along on twitter. @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @TimJDillon @SteveWilkosTV Subscribe to our Youtube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/KFCradio Follow Us on Instagram Here: https://www.instagram.com/kfcradio/ #KFCRadio #TimDillon #SteveWilkosYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We haven't talked about the Tico stuff. Are we talking about that at all? What, her being on OnlyFans? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We'll get into it.

I vaguely saw that. She's just sucking dick, right? Is she? Oh, I don't know i i only saw your thumbnail oh son of a bitch Another edition of the KMC Radio Podcast on the Barstool Sports Network, live from Feidelberg's garage. It's like I made a pilgrimage here. You know, it's like there's that window he was throwing condoms out of. Not me, my brother, that window.

No, I fucking put him in Gatorade bottles. I was an adult. God, that was so terrible. Gross. Today's episode is brought to you by Miller Lite. It's Memorial Day. It's time to kick back. Have a cold one. John's drinking a Miller Lite.

I am cripplingly hungry. Kevin's? to kick back have a cold one john's drinking a middle light i am cripplingly on kevin's i've never seen a person's on over kevin it's crazy 4 p.m just threw up blood uh it was not a good one either because i i it was like i had mimosas in the morning and then i tried to drink wine and i had buffalo so. So, I mean, it was... And also, like, last night we didn't do anything. We just, like, watched Always Sunny and, like, listened to records. Just got shit-faced. Fucking shit-faced. So, today it's Memorial Day.

It's one of the best holidays out there and no better time to enjoy Miller Lite than on a holiday weekend in the summer. We're up here in Rhode Island. Nope, we're in Massachusetts. We're in Massachusetts, but we went out in Rhode Island because things are opened up a little bit there, and it was nice to be amongst friends, socializing.

I was actually really worried about the mental effects that quarantine and coronavirus, and for people who are watching this podcast, I'm just going to address, I am never going to look at Kevin. I'm just going to be looking at the camera the entire time. I was concerned about, like, oh, how is this going to fuck me up and shit like that. I was walking on the street for 30 seconds. I was like, all right, that's normal. Good deal.

Good deal. Absolutely normal. I didn't think about coronavirus once. For a second. Once you get out there, and maybe weird is weird,. Once you get out there, it's, and maybe weird is weird, but once you get out there, it was fucking normal. Well, you're not old, you know?

I've never been scared of me personally getting coronavirus. I have been. Yeah? I definitely appreciate speaking to you. What a pussy. I haven't been to the doctor

in 10 years. I definitely have something that'll fuck me up. Oh, yeah. Like, something where they'll do an autopsy and be like, oh, yeah, he had diabetes.

Yeah, yeah. He ate fucking Sour Patch Kids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He liked lacing his ice cream with corn muffins and brownies. Wow. That's a move. The corn muffin. Yeah, it's a fight I got in two nights ago.

Because you ate a muffin top. I took my girlfriend's muffin top and put it in my ice cream. That is one of the more disrespectful things you can do to a person. She got a corn muffin, planning to eat it later, and you just fucking eat it. When you get a corn muffin, you got one until the sun goes down to eat it. That's not a rule. After that, you're done.

No, she got a corn muffin at breakfast, and at midnight that night, I waited for the clock to turn. At midnight that night, I made my- That actually is fair. I was like, ice cream, corn muffins, let's go. That's a fucking bullshit. I'm going to have to try that. Just like that, Miller Lite.

So Memorial Day episode of KC Radio is brought to you by Miller Lite. Go get a fresh one. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces, 96 calories. It's light, it's great taste, and it's a good time with your friends. Yeah, I have not been this hungover in a long time. I was out of control. I don't think so. I was out of control because we weren't doing anything.

But, I mean, clearly I was over-served. We got drunk. Yeah, yeah. You get drunk. Big deal. It happens. People get drunk sometimes sometimes you fucking puke at 6 p.m the next day i mean this is the funny thing was kevin this morning uh my girlfriend was trying to get kevin to take a shot of vodka in the morning oh my god she bullied me into it i just threw up on your kid's account it was you'll feel better i was like i absolutely

won't and i knew it and and she just bullied me into it. But it's nice, like, seeing someone who doesn't live like us having to live like us. It's almost like a sense of pride. I'm like, yeah. That's right. Oh, I looked at Kevin, son of a bitch. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's like, we're garbage people, you know? And so you're gonna live

like garbage people. I like someone getting down in the muck. Kevin this morning was like, they were so hungover. I felt like Charlie in Always Sunny when he's like, what are you describing? It's called the glue overdose. They're pretty regular in my life.

It was just like, this is what I do. Welcome to the teradome, bitch. I'm 35. Body's going through changes. I can't do it like I used to, but it was a good time. It was fucking fun. I had a real lot of fun last night. We went out to dinner on an island.

We watched Green Street Hooligans. Always sunny. Listened to a bunch of records. Listened to fucking fucking Boz Skaggs. What do you know about Boz Skaggs? We know all about it now. We had Johnny Cash. We had Prince, Bowie.

We were hitting the vinyl board. I don't remember any of those. Yeah, you were drunk as shit. Apparently we had a whole conversation about the Pope that both of us blanked out. We were just talking about the Pope. I vaguely remember once I got the... See, I don't black things out. I gray things out. And then once I got the

baseline of it, I was like, oh yeah, I remember having that. We were talking about Cardinal O'Malley, and then Cardinal O'Malley is, he's, you know, in the mix for maybe one of the next Pope. Which is crazy, because who the fuck, has there ever been an American Pope? Um, that's a great question.

What was JP2? He was an Italian? No, there's never been an American. Like, the first Polish Pope was a couple years ago. And that was like... Who the fuck did Poland? We're from America. What are you talking about? You're comparing us to Poland, Nick? I'm saying it was shocking when there was a Polish pope.

They were mind-blown. A Polish guy got in there. There's no way an American's gotten in there yet. He better than Poland. I guess he was German. He was a Nazi, right? Yes. Brad Singer was a Nazi

youth. Which is... Oh, yeah. There's definitely some conspiracy shit that went on in that book. He just bowed out. I think they were like, yo, we're trying to turn Nazis into government. He was like, yep, yep. I was waiting for this. I was waiting for the whole Nazis to drop. What's more Catholic

than that, though? I'm so Catholic, I hate the Jews. Hey, I'm dedicated to this Catholicism shit. Remember the Crusades? Modern time. Modern crusader. Would you want to be the Pope? Would I want to be the Pope? No. Would you rather be the Pope or the President? This is an ATI question.

Pope or the President? I mean, straight up, neither. But if I had to be one, president. Because you're only president for four years. If you do a good job, only four years. But you don't even have to do anything if you're the president. Yeah, but you have to be a pre-celibate. Second of all, you can't get drunk.

Third of all, you have to get drunk. Oh, yeah, that's true. You get drunk. And they fuck. But you can't. Well, they fuck. That wasn't very Catholic. It's not that one. I caught that one real quick. But they do fuck

twice. Being the Pope is just like you dress up, you shake some hands, you kiss some babies. But you go everywhere. There's a lot of travel to the presidency too. But the Pope, no. This is easy. This is easy. This is easy. It's much like our crossroad workouts.

I can't do anything for an undisclosed period of time. If it's like, hey, start doing this and then, I don't know, maybe you stop at some point. I'd be like, fuck that. I'm stopping right away. You don't have to do anything. But you have to be... It's like

our goddamn fucking jobs, Kevin. We don't really have to do anything. But you have to be on. And you're supposed to be... It's like our goddamn fucking jobs, Kevin. We don't really have to do anything. But you have to be on. As a pope, you have to be on. But not... I mean, the pope can do whatever the fuck the pope wants to do. As long as it's pope-like.

Like, the pope can't... Frankie's out here just making his own rules. The pope can't just go to fucking DJs. What would happen if the Pope was DJs? Would he get fired? No. I don't know. I guess I'd be the Pope, but I'd be a trailblazing Pope.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I'd be like the Pope right now, who's not really a Pope in any sense. And he's just kind of a... I mean, the current Pope is like, he's down with the gays. He's down with condoms. He's just making up all sorts of things he's taking down Catholicism from the inside and I guess I'd be that kind of pope where I'm just like

look let's just see what I'm just gonna keep being me and I'm gonna wear funny clothes while I do it well I'm gonna wear funnier clothes than I wear and that would be it I think people would look at me as a game changing pope I'd be the pope and I would alright so if you're the president,

I have heartburn so bad. I eat eight times. If you're the president, you are forgotten pretty quickly. Who was five presidents ago? Jimmy Carter. Exactly. The pope can do things that last

forever. I would change Catholicism. Right. I would be like, church is now on Tuesday. That would fuck people up, right? I would definitely just make up some rules to piss people off. Church on Tuesday would be great. My grandmother

would love that shit. My grandmother would be fucking nuts when old people go to church every day. My great-grandmother didn't go on Sundays because that shit was for fucking amateurs. Right, right. She went Monday through Saturday.

That's when the shit gets busy. That's her version of just going on Easter and Christmas. This is fucking Sunday, man. This is for rookies. I would rather be the Pope than the president, hands fucking down. President is the worst gig in the goddamn world. Yeah, I mean, I guess.

I mean, they're both bad. I do think president is really, really, really bad. I mean, you know, you never see, like, look how he came into the papacy and look how he came out. Because he goes out with a fucking bug bag every time. I guess if you did a fucking time lapse of

every bug bag, every time it ends in, almost every time, it ends in death. Yo, the dopest thing about the Pope is if you get put on a life flight. Almost every time. It ends in death. The dopest thing about the Pope is your funeral. You get put on display. I don't want that, though. I almost looked.

I wouldn't want to go. I wouldn't want to display. I actually had a conversation with my parents. How about this, though? Fuck a Pokemobile. Fuck a Pokemobile, man. I've never been in bulletproof cars. I'm a bulletproof car guy. Fuck a Pokemobile. You're a bulletproof car guy. Fuck a pokemobile. You're a bulletproof car guy?

What does that mean? I like riding bulletproof cars. I feel cool in them. When have you been in a bulletproof car? El Salvador. El Salvador, 2000 and... El Salvador, 2007. I'll tell you what...

Also, Bahamas, 2000... No. El Salvador, 2006. Bahamas, 2005. Bulletproof cars. I'll tell you what. Also, Bahamas 2000. No. El Salvador 2006, Bahamas 2005. Bulletproof cars. I'll tell you what. It's Bulletproof. You're fucking your Mustang. That thing is a tank. My father's

Mustang. I pull up to the crib. We hop in a baby blue like 67 GT Mustang. And Feidelberg told the worst fucking dad joke you've ever heard in your life. It's really hard to steer because I don't have

power steering. So as you turn it, you're flexing a lot and you just go, that's why it's called a muscle car. The world! The world! The world! What do we got for interviews today? We got Steve Wilkos, Jerry Springer's bouncer with a fucking awesome conversation we had a couple weeks ago.

That dude is a man's man. Yeah, he's real. Like a retired cop, ex-ex. Not ex. Former. Former. You're never an ex-Marine. You're a former Marine.

Shout out Memorial Day. All right. I think you are. I believe it was Marine. Because of the brain. You're never an ex-Marine. You're a former Marine. Shout out Memorial Day. All right. I believe it was Marine. By the way, everyone who's posting things about that, you're lying. Everyone's like, I'm thinking about you today. Here's the thing. Is this bad? I don't

post about Memorial Day. I don't know if I ever... I'm thinking about it, but I just don't put up the post about the American flag and say I'm a freak. I'll be honest, I haven't know if I ever... I'm thinking about it, but I just don't put up the post about the American flag and say, I'm a freak. I haven't thought about it. I don't know if that's bad or if that's...

I'm not... On Monday today, I have not thought about a dead soldier. A soldier, no. Is that like... The whole point of the holiday is to remember them, and you just didn't. that like I mean yeah I mean the whole point of the holiday is to uh you know remember them and you just didn't but I mean no one I I thought about it when I

do you want to also tell the world that you like you hate dogs next because we could just cancel I'm not like I'm not saying like fuck them I'm just like I today I I just live my life what I just like I'm not saying fuck her I'm just saying like fuck the troops I'm not saying fuck the troops. I'm not saying fuck the troops. He just said fuck the troops. It's just one of the... I don't know. I guess I'm bad at that. I should probably

take umbrage and work on that. Well, actually, that's also not true because I have seen Chaps' posts and things like that. So I guess I have. I just say I don't think about anything ever. It's not that you're like

un-American you're just an idiot it's just like I haven't gone about the day all day today being like thank you right it's I've read a post

I've read a couple articles but that's what everybody does I guess that's how it works unless you have like a direct

I'm the only one who's admitting that like it hasn't been like my main fucking thing all day right yeah no I mean unless you you know someone

directly, I don't think you're sitting here to do that. I've read shoutout 0block30, shoutout Chaps, shoutout Kate, shoutout Cons. I've read the posts. I've read the articles. Fuck Cons. Fucking asshole. Cons doesn't even think. When Cons dies, then I'll fucking remember. He's a fucking liar.

Yeah, where's Cons' purple heart at? Yeah, seriously. I suck. It's the fucking DJ. Yeah, seriously. I suck. This fucking DJ is up on their board and says, live a life worth their sacrifice. And I'm like, I am not doing that. DJ said that?

Yeah. DJ said that. Like the bar? Yes. DJ's the Guido bar. Yes. Live a life worth their sacrifice. Sometimes I think... That's a heavy quote. Sometimes I think Rico actually runs the board.

He puts the letters up there. These stupid inspirational things. I mean, what would you say is a life worth a person dying for you? Not mine. Not mine. Not yours.

Not anybody, really. I mean, I'd love to fucking. I mean, listen. If you're a troop, you go to war, and you die, you've got to be like, well, that wasn't worth it. I shouldn't have done that. Right? I would imagine so this country sucks dude

this country fucking sucks I don't know I was drinking beer by the water that was nice true this country sucks that's the most un-American John said fuck the troops and I said I was drinking said, fuck the troops. I was going to say

the phrase, fuck the troops. And this country stinks. No, but like, that is like one of my favorite scenes in television. It's such a lame thing. One of my favorite scenes in TV, fucking Will McAvoy. He's like,

America's not the best. I don't even know if he's right for any of those reasons, but I was like, America's not the best. I don't even know if he's right for any of those reasons, but I was like, that man's speaking confidently. I mean, I can't imagine if I went to war, got injured, or worse, and you come back and you just spend a day on the internet.

Dude, if I went to war and came home and I would just see someone in my parade of my welcome home thing who's ugly, I'd be like, fuck you. This was stupid. That was a dumb idea of me to go fight this fat idiot. We're going to get into Steve Wilkos.

We're going to get into who else? It was Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon was a fucking... I love Tim. Tim is awesome. Tim is a smart... Well, you know what? Tim's the exact opposite of me, and he's fun.

Yeah, it's funny you said it, though, because he even just admitted in the interview, he's like, I just speak confidently. Oh, yeah, that's what he did. I don't know who you're talking about. Cheater. Tim Dillon, Long Island salesman, turned comedian and great podcaster who is very well-versed in all things social and political, smarter than us. So two very good interviews.

We'll do our top fives in a minute. But first, we've got to have a quick talk brought to you by Cuts Clothing. I think everybody here at Barstow. I was wearing a Cuts shirt last night. You look good. You look sharp. Cuts has, what you do is you pick your type of shirt. It can be elongated. It could be a a split hem it could be the curved hem then you pick the top you can

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I don't think we just have our guest here. We are... This is officially the funeral for the term Karen. Oh, yeah! Fucking bet. What are you doing? All you social media people, stop doing it.

It's all... I'm particularly talking to you, Barcelona employees. Stop fucking calling people Karen. I'm particularly talking to you, Barcelona employees. Stop fucking calling the old Karen. I mean, I'm going to go Karen on this. Stop Karen. Stop saying Karen. I'm tired of Karen. I'm so fucking sick of it.

It was Chad and Brad. And now we're talking about Karens and even fucking Beckys. And I'm just sick of it. It's so dumb. Well, Becky at least like had, you know, Beyonce sung about it and it'm just sick of it. It's so dumb. Well, Becky at least had Beyonce sung about it and it was basically a racist term. Nothing's as racist as Soup Boy.

Oh, by the way, update. At HBO they don't call him Soup Man, they call him Soup Boy. And that's the most racist thing I've ever heard against white people that actually stings. Where it's like, ooh, boy. That sounds Soup boy. That sounds soup boy. That sounds

mean. Who do you think ruined their career or worse? Sophia or Soup Boy? Yeah. Sophia. Soup Boy's a middle-aged white man. He'll fail. They'll be all right. He'll be like a Showtime

executive. It's not a big deal. But guess what? He'll always have that face. So until someone chops that guy's head off with an axe, it's going to be tough for him to live. Here's the thing about Becky stayed... Becky was fine.

Because he didn't get killed. Because you know what's happening? The whites are ruining it. Is it the whites? Yeah, when the whites – That's true. The whites ruin everything, you know? Because we were – like, you can't – you're not going to say Becky because, like, we're Beckys. And guess what?

You're probably a fucking Karen if you're white and you're complaining about someone online. Like, there was one today. I actually didn't watch it because I didn't hear it. But I, like, watched it with the sound off. And it was a girl in Central Park walking her dog off the leash and

the person filming got mad and said there are clearly signs marked that says your dog should be on the leash. Who do you think the asshole is there? I can't even tell who the Karen is. I think the person walking the dog is being a dick.

That's my point, but the internet is calling her the Karen. The one on the phone is. The Karen. Yes, but I don't think that's what the internet is doing. That's crazy. That's what I mean. Karen used to also mean something. Back in my day, Karen meant something.

Also, back in your day was three days ago. We kill what I mean. Like, Karen used to also mean something. Back in my day, Karen meant something. But also, back in your day was three days ago. We kill things so fast. Like, internet, just let us have something. Let it just fucking slow play something fucking one time. And this is a boys guy talking to you right now. But you know what?

Just let us slow play it for a fucking second. Let it breathe breathe let it get interesting like it's one week shit one week on camera camera camera the internet is great at creating new stars creating new content all that kind of shit create but destroy the only thing it's better at is destroying all that stuff like fucking carry i actually think that the internet is like gotham city and that it's grown like too big, too powerful, too many people and we need to like kick everybody off and you need to like... There should be

a test, a funny test to get on social media. Guess what? Fucking 10 of us are allowed to stay. I know, seriously, nobody's funny. I thought we'd be on the fucking internet. I wish though. I would be. I'm leaving myself on the internet. I would pass the test. The test, though. I would be. I'm leaving myself on the internet. I would

pass the test I create, I would pass it. It's like, I think there's too many people and too many platforms and TikToks and everybody's jumping on the Karen train and it's like, we build it and we kill it in a day

because there's like 50 million people on the fucking all day. And then what happens is the unfunny people get a grab on it. Yes. And they're like, that's funny. I'll keep talking about that. And it's just not and you ruin it so fucking fast. Yeah.

Now to be fair, I was never like a huge Karen guy. I don't know that I've ever seen a Karen guy. It used to be useful. It was just like, you know, if you're subscribing to video and there's a particularly... The original Karen is the girl on the phone. The old white woman on the phone. Yeah, but she was never called a Karen. But yeah, that's... That's the cookout lady.

That's cookout lady. Right, right. That to me is like it was a white, an old white woman being a bitch to black people, right? That was the whole thing. So they called them on their cookout. It was a cookout, right. That to me is like it was a white, an old white woman being a bitch to black people, right? That was the whole thing. So they called them on their cookout. There needs to be, you can't it's not every white girl. What do you think actual Karen's doing right now?

Honestly, they probably don't even know this is happening. Because they're just not on the internet. Yeah. This is also such a small bubble. Again, it's our world, so it's huge. Most people, if I told my mom me being a Karen, she'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? I think about that often.

You're dying, huh? This is my flu game. This is my flu game. You're fucking Scotty carrying me off the court. I'm not going to carry your ass tonight. Get the fuck out of here so RIP to the term Karen it goes to bed

in the dirt with phrases such as real estate in your head and rent free and all the other things the fucking internet is absolutely a everything it's because fucking unfunny stupid people get their hands on it and it just becomes so bastardized and diluted

that it just doesn't work anymore. Will you intentionally not use phrases that you think the internet has killed? Because then I almost feel like you're kind of being a hipster, and then you're kind of an asshole. Like, if a situation comes up for Karen, you should probably say it, but... Most phrases that the internet kills, I never jump on.

You might find a tweet or two where I say Karen, but I don't think I've ever really described someone as a Karen. I don't think I've ever... I'm sure I've said Renfrew and stuff like that, but it's never been a focal point of my lexicon. You say Karen, you're going to fucking kill yourself, you know? All right, let's get into top five. Top five. Top five today, because it is Memorial day.

As we record this, we're going to do top five holidays. It's brought to you by our girl, Erica Fleischman at Fleischman salon. Yeah. I was actually just thinking like, as I was taking my hat off during this, my hair looks fucking awesome right now.

And it's still wet right now. Cause I just got out of the shower. I pooped and, uh, in the shower, uh, a now because I just got out of the shower. I pooped. You pooped in the shower? A little bit. Then I jumped out the door. I cleaned up the door a little bit. I mean, I don't care.

It's tough. It's tough. I did an IG Live with Fleishman. And we were just talking hair, talking shop. When do you think you're going to get a haircut? Like right away? Too much. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

As soon as they're open, I'll hit it. I mean, I got, like, hockey hair coming out the back. I got this falling. It's, like, down to my fucking mouth. I mean, my hair is long right now. And I don't think I'm going to stop. I don't think I'm going to stop. You're going to let it flow?

Let it flow! Let it flow! Because I'm eating the gummies every day. I eat like 10 of them a day. The Fleischmann gummies are delicious. They're just straight up fruit snacks that make your hair shine. She's mad at me how much I eat them. Yeah, I mean, the reality is she needs to make gummies that come in like 200 for a month. Because one a day.

I mean, what am I, an adult? Do I have self-control? No, I don't. I just jumped out of the shower and I got the conditioner. It's so fucking good. That fragrance, whatever they did to come up with that, I didn't need to do

Fleishman Cologne next. Just bottle that shit. There's an idea. Right? Erica, get on it. She has a whole network of salons in Manhattan, but what she did is she took the formula for

conditioner, shampoo, the gummies, sea salt spray, hair paste, hair cream. I think that's it, right? You get a whole your entire bathroom worth of hair product. The sea salt.

That's my shit. The sea salt is actually the most important thing, I think, if you're worried about doing your hair because it gives it some grit to it so it's not all floppy. You got white guy hair like me. So what you do right now is go to flyshipsalon.com.

Go to shop at the top. You can buy any of those things a la carte. What I recommend you do is just get it mailed directly to you. You can subscribe and you get 10% off and then use the promo code KFC and get 20% off. I think that means it's 30% off, but I'm not really sure. You know, I'm not a mathematician. Okay, folks. So it just gets sent right to your house.

You don't ever have to go back to the store. You don't have to. You're never. I mean, how many times have I, like, been filling up the shampoo bottle with water trying to get one more use out of it? Honestly, you know what I'm doing right now? I'm ordering new ones because I actually do need them. Done. New.

Yep. It smells good. It's good for your hair. If you've got hair, you've got to embrace it and make sure you look sharp because guess what? It's going to fall out eventually. We all go bald. And when you do, it's too late.

You can't do anything about it. So that's why you've got to get on that train right now. Eat the gummies. Get ahead of it even if you have a full head of hair. Use the shampoo. Use the conditioner. Use that sea salt spray. I recommend you buy all of it. Have everything you need a full head of hair. Use the shampoo. Use the conditioner. Use that sea salt spray. I recommend you buy all of it.

Have everything you need for your hair sent right to your house. It's FleischmannSalon.com. Promo code KFC for 20% off. If you subscribe for monthly deliveries, you get another 10% off. Top five holidays. Who's got first pick? You. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy,

Christmas. Number one holiday. That's bullshit. I mean, he's right. I can't easy peasy lemon squeezy Christmas number one holiday that's bullshit I mean I mean it's right yeah I mean

like sometimes you just don't overthink it keep it simple stupid like you can get cute with it you can come up

with all sorts of shit some people say Thanksgiving it's like it's just Thanksgiving it's just a

fucking meal Christmas is a whole season you get presents there's a goddamn fucking story that goes around it I mean You get presents. There's a goddamn fucking story that goes around it. I mean, it's the greatest story. It's presents.

I don't know. Because as an adult, you don't really get presents. And I like the season. I like the vibe. I agree. I mean, what other holiday do you get for a month except for fucking Ramadan? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is pretty close to a month.

November is Thanksgiving. I get what you mean, but it's not like you're like, I'm in the Thanksgiving spirit. No, that's true. Christmas is a big enough powerhouse that it'll change your behavior. You'll act that way.

Your Christmas days won warm, for sure. But I don't feel like I act that way. Maybe I do a little bit. Yeah, you get a Christmas cheer, you know. I fake it a little harder. You're not going to be an asshole, you know. So Christmas, easy peasy. Alright, my one, Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is, I would say Thanksgiving's adult Christmas. Okay, because you just get drunk and food. Right. You get the, you don't get the presents part because the presents part is fairly childish. The idea of gift-giving is not childish, but the Christmas present is a little childish.

Thanksgiving is... You don't get that part, but I feel like you get more booze. You get drunker on Thanksgiving. You eat more on Thanksgiving. You get drunker on Christmas, on Thanksgiving. You get, you eat more on Thanksgiving. You, you, you pass out more on Thanksgiving. Can I tell you something?

On Thanksgiving, I eat a normal ass dinner. Oh. A couple slices of turkeys, some mashed potatoes, some peas, like on the side. I don't go back to like seconds

and thirds and fourths. I just like, Oh, I go, I, I don't do it regularly. Like, it's not like a,

immediately get up but that we have Thanksgiving at our house and I will have five meals that day they're all normal sized meals and they're not like immediate it's like I get up like time for seconds but I just

honestly it's probably just because I'm so fucking drunk like that's probably just because I'm so fucking drunk like that's probably I probably eat as much as I do on a regular blacked out day where I'm like I need another pizza you know what is the most un

like what am I looking for the unsung hero being a mom on Thanksgiving is the worst being a mom on Thanksgiving is the worst. Worst. Being a mom at all times. Period. If you're a woman and you decide to be a mom,

you are eating nuts. You're a moron. I was listening to Burt Kreischer and Tom Segura the other day and Burt was talking about his wife. He's like, I mean, she raised two kids by herself alone. And Tom was like, you're talking like you're dead or something. He's like, I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything. When I watched my mom slave, because you got to start cooking 15 hours early and then people just shovel it down their gullets and they get back to the team. Then you got to do the fucking dishes.

It's like, God. It is a miracle that moms don't slaughter entire families on Thanksgiving. Just like, what? Oh, the turkey's a little dry? You just stamp with that big fucking turkey fork. You know? Okay.

So you just pick Thanksgiving. Because I really believe those are two, those two are miles apart from the other. I agree. I will probably then go with 4th of July.

4th of July because it is especially, like, for us, it just means a week off. Which I don't think other people have, but I think of it as like time off. It's like when you're in, when you're young and you're in party mode,

4th of July is it. Memorial Day is still too cold. Labor Day is kind of the end. 4th of July, smack in the middle. It's summertime. Everybody's sexy. Everyone's tan,

cookouts, barbecues, whatever it is you call it, beach, the whole nine. And according to Fidelberg, it's the end whatever it is you call it, beach, the whole nine. And according to Final Burgundy, I'm sorry. And the summer, right?

According to my mom, yeah. My number two is Memorial Day. Borderline had an opportunity to be number one if Thanksgiving wasn't so great because Memorial Day is like an unscratched lottery ticket where there's so much potential. There's so much promise.

We're like, wow, it's summer. I'm going to get tan. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to get a fucking hot girlfriend. There is so much that could go right on Memorial Day. And it doesn't really ever. And it never does, but that's what I mean. Yeah, it's the hope.

It's like, oh, boy. It's more like summer's about to be crazy. We're going to have the best summer of our lives. People say that every year until they die of cancer at 37. It's just a race. It's just always like Memorial Day. This is going to be the best

summer of my life. It never is, but it's possible. You ever see American Pie 2? I mean, I definitely did. They did paint houses for the summer and they live in a lake house. I painted houses one summer.

Did you? Because I was going to say that's something that I see it and I'm like, fucking let's do that, guys. We're going to start a band and paint houses this summer. And then you just don't. I painted houses one summer and I was college pro painting. I don't. I painted houses one summer and I was college pro

painting. I don't know if it's still in existence. It was definitely a scam. Well, let me go on. And day two on the job, I believe, I was climbing up a ladder to the third store.

I was painting the third story of a house. At like 7.30 in the morning. Still drunk. I called my mom. I was picking the third story of a house. At like 7.30 in the morning. Still drunk. I called my mom. I was like 19 years old. I was like, this is crazy. I'm still up here. Mom said, climb down and quit.

Go find a new job. And that's what I did. I love your mom because she just keeps it so fucking real. Most parents are like, son, you got to learn a hard day's work. You made a commitment. You got to live up to it. She's like, listen, we both know you're not cutting this. This is what you do.

So I went and I fucking bartended on a fucking ship that did harbor cruises. I did that for like four summers in a row because I was awesome at it and that job was awesome. And if my mom never told me that, then I'd probably still be shittingly dead. If she did one of those stupid life lessons

like stay up there, I'd just be fucking drunk on a ladder every day. You probably would die eventually. Yeah, for she did one of those stupid life lessons, like, stay up there. I'd just be fucking drunk on a ladder every day. You probably would have died eventually. Yeah, for sure. By the way, I'm going to just throw back to a previous top five. By the way, I guess it's weird that we haven't addressed, like, my parents are not here. That's why we haven't told anything about my parents. Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, I'm going to trade you for quality right now. I'm going to go back to the old top five things worth paying money for painting anybody who like paints their own house or paints a wall like you know fucking max you gotta come do that in everything fraction of the time for a little bit of money anyone who paints mows the lawn doesn't garden does any anything at all pay professionals to just do it right and like that's because you're lazy. They're professionals. You wouldn't drill your own tooth. They're way better at it. Have them do it. If I had to paint the

wall, it would take me an entire day and it takes them seven days. It's insane. I am going to go with the opposite of Memorial Day for my next pick. I'm going to go a little outside the box here. I am picking Labor Day because it is the sweet sweet release of like i remember when i was getting uh jersey shore houses hampton's houses

and it was like i get making some labor day and i'm never coming to this house again i'm never drinking again i'm never going to these bars again i'm never going outside again by the time we do like 14 weekends in a row in the summer of like heavy boozing, lines at the bar and crowded bars, bands and dancing and shit. Labor Day was always like, thank fucking God, it's done. I needed, like if it wasn't for Labor Day, I think I would just like keep doing it until I die. But somebody decided to like mark the end of summer with it and put a cap on the bottle. Thank you, God, for the sweet release it's either labor day comes or death which one comes first we'll find out all right my three mlk day because because

one fuck i should have gone with that not a racist two you always forget when it hits and it just kind of pops up you're like wait we got mond Monday off? And it's like finding $20 in your jacket. Oh, but I actually... Martha's the King Day is like finding $20 in your jacket. Both the troops and L.K. Day is just about finding some cash in your pocket. I actually... I don't think it creeps up on you like that

because we just always do as a thing. We mark on the calendar, we're going to get a house. We're going to Vermont. We're going to – Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, not for me. That sounds bad.

Yeah. I'm not celebrating. But no, I don't know. I think it surprises me now. I don't remember what it used to be like. But MLK Day was probably one of the first days where we tried to take off because Dave said Barstool was open as long as the markets are open and then Dave had no

idea how often the markets closed and we tried to take off at MLK Day and Dave was furious and so then like we obviously worked all at MLK Day so now we have them off again because we're a real company with HR and stuff and I think that like it's just new.

Shout out to Two Bigs. Mo was on Two Bigs last week and Mo's the man. I really like listening to Mo. Mo's ahead of his time. That's exactly what I said. Mo's ahead of his... Because Mo would do these weird different things that just didn't really make sense when Barstool was just like,

hey, we talk loud and we yell a lot. And it just... He got hey, we talk loud and we yell a lot. You say fuck? I say fuck a lot. I'm bringing cunt back. But the Mo was worse. But Mo was so

fucking funny. He's awesome. I really, really like Mo. He was great on Two Bigs. You're going to listen to that. Three. You're still racist. Okay. In that case... Oh!

Oh! Fuck off! I forgot about that one. Not much for me these days, but again, in my prime, most holidays are really for, you know, it's a young man's game. I mean, New York City, Hoboken, Long Beach, Scranton, that I think if you do St. Patrick's Day right, that's a month.

March is St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Because every weekend there's another town celebrating, another parade that nobody actually goes to the parade. I mean, I'll go to St. Patrick's Day. Going to the parade in Manhattan with my buddy whose dad was

a firefighter. If you ever get a chance to do New York City St. Patrick's Day with firemen, it's probably the best thing you can do. I don't think I've ever had a better experience than that. Because that whole thing about chicks in a uniform, it's the realest cliche in the world.

And I remember, I think I was a senior in high school, 21. And I saw. Wait, what? No, I'm just drinking with firemen and shit. Definitely underage drinking. Oh, okay. I got very confused for a second. But I remember I watched two girls make out at Sutton Place

because Fireman was like, I became a man that day. So yeah, I mean, St. Patrick's Day for a Mick like myself, that should have been my first Mick. I can't believe I... I forgot St. Patrick's Day existed because every day is st patrick's day for me you're an alcoholic you know what little known facts march 18th is a little something known as st clancy's day

really because i went on a run no i made it up like me i went on a run for like five years in a row where i inexplicably got absolutely shithoused on march 18th every year, where everybody else was hung over and licking their wounds. I would just have a twinkle in my eye. Like, let's go to the bar and do a little hair of the dog. What the fuck was this Clancy today? Bro, he was 25. He's aged a

decade. He's in the dark. He's aged long enough that the labrador we bought is dead. He is like a dog that I bought 10 years ago. You have to fucking send it to me. No longer alive. I am not doing well this episode. I've officially pissed off everybody.

Hang on a second. I have MLK days three, dude. Shouldn't have been one if you weren't racist. So yeah, St. Pat's for me. Is that my fourth day? Yeah, I'm going to go Halloween. This will be quick. I don't really give a shit about Halloween,

but it is nice on social media. It's a good social media holiday. In fact, it's probably the only good social media holiday because everything else is like resolutions and fucking spirit of Christmas, and I'm thankful for this. Halloween is just like hearing my fucking tits.

It's like, alright, this is a nice scroll through Instagram on this one rather than people making me feel bad about myself or making me feel like I need to do something more. That's a nice just seasonal scroll through Instagram. Big time young man game there too though. I can't tell you the last time

I did Halloween. When I did do it game there too, though. I can't tell you the last time I did Halloween. But when I did do it, I really enjoyed it. Yeah, nothing against Halloween. I'm not one of those guys who's aged out of things and they're dumb now. I've aged out to be like, they're too cool for me. Alright, last pick.

I think I'm going to go... I'm trying to almost think back to school because that's something I haven't done yet. Like a day off in school. think I'm going to go... I'm trying to almost think back to school because that's something I haven't done yet. Like a day off in school that creeps up like a stupid one like President's Day or some shit like that. That's found money.

That's like you found money. You could tell me it's any month. I wouldn't know. Columbus Day is October. Veterans Day is November. I was going to say March. And President's Day is October. Veterans Day is November. I was going to say March.

And Presidents Day is February. I think I'm going to go... Am I missing a big one? I'm just trying to run through things. We're definitely missing something. Shout out to us. We came up with this idea to do Top 5 on this 20 minutes ago.

Heroes. We want to talk about heroes on Memorial Day. Us. What's up? Top five. And we're just guessing at holidays at this point. I'm surprised I got four. Yeah, fuck it. I don't know. President's Day.

Just for the time off. Found money again. Yeah. Okay. My fifth is going to be you're going to get romantic on them. You are romantic. Ah, are you a B-Day guy?

Absolutely not. In fact, we like, we just like, it was almost like a weird pact this year to just not celebrate Valentine's Day.

He was just like, we're not doing it. But it wasn't even like, we didn't go out of our way to say we're not celebrate Valentine's Day. He was just like, we're not doing it. But it wasn't even like, we didn't go out of our way to say we're not celebrating Valentine's Day. We just didn't do it. It's like, oh, whoops, I forgot. We just didn't do it. It's like Frank the Tank missed his birthday. Oh, Frank the Tank.

I thought you meant the other Frank the Tank. It also would have made sense. Fuck. I don't know another holiday. Give me holidays. Flag Day. No. Flag Day is not doing Flag Day. That's hacky. Flag Day is a hacky holiday at this point.

Everybody just makes fun of it. Same with Arbor Day. Arbor Day. Fuck. I honestly just don't know another holiday. My birthday. Five, my birthday. Alright. That's it. Hit us with your top

fives and let's get into our voicemail today. They're brought to you by Movement. Movement has been around since day one with this podcast and they've been supporting us so you've got to support them. And not only that, but they make quality products. You know me. It's officially summertime. It means the weather's

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What's good, fellas? I have a quick question for you guys. So a while back, back when I was, I guess I was a virgin back then, I was at this one party and I met this one girl and all my friends are like, you gotta fuck her, man. You gotta fuck her. You gotta lose your virginity or whatever. And so I brought her back to my room one day finally.

And let's just say things didn't go so well. You know, I tried to have sex with her. It didn't go too well. Basically, you know, I stuck it in and couldn't quite get hard enough. I tried sticking it in, and I didn't really know what to do after that. So I just stuck it in, and then after that, the girl gave me a head with a condom on, so it didn't go too well. And basically my question was, I tell all my friends i'm a half virgin my 50 percent virgin so my question for you guys is am i a virgin not a virgin or a 50 percent virgin

that guy you didn't sound like a good kid Yo, let me just tell you something real quick. If you suck dick through a condom as a guy, you don't have respect for yourself. I mean, that's like what literally words mean. Suck dick through condoms? Yeah. If you feel the need to suck dick through a condom, you probably shouldn't be having sex with that person.

Just don't suck that dick. Right. If you think that dick is so dirty that you would blow it through a dirt, then just don't suck that dick. Right. If you think that dick is so dirty that you would blow it through rubber, then just don't fuck that dick. Imagine having that, like, I gotta eat this pussy. I'm gonna put saran wrap around it. Let me get the

fucking... I think it's called saran wrap. Just fucking put it there just so I can lick it up. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense at all. Dental dams or whatever they call it. Also, dude, you're virgin. Well, no. I think his dick's been inside someone.

Just because it was bad sex doesn't mean he didn't have sex. Did he cum? I almost looked at the picture. That's a great... It's like if a tree falls in the woods. If you fuck,

like, well, if you, if you like, lay, lay the wood and then like, you can't come,

you had sex with that person. If you like, put it in and it gets soft and then it's just like, you put it in. Right. Like,

if you put a dick just like, in your mouth real quick, you haven't given a blowjob you just like do work with it you know but like what if you put a dick in your mouth are you gay I'm gay but I didn't give a head I did not give you a blowjob just taste a dick

do you think dicks taste yeah it tastes probably salty yeah it's like skin i can't imagine it tastes good i mean i cannot imagine how do we get onto what dick tastes like i cannot believe that girls put dicks in there yeah but also like like in between their legs and shit they're like i'll blow that yeah that's a fucking tongue inside their pussy. And ass. What was God thinking when he made assholes so close to the vagina? Sucking dick is like that third closest thing

we'll do with nether regions. One, ass eating. Two, pussy eating. Three, dick sucking. A questionable pussy has got to be third closest, if you ask me. An ass is just like, you're just licking, you know, I mean, it's gross, but it's just like skin. It's all shit, baby.

People have grossed their pussies out there. Everyone's asshole's gross. You find a girl that's like, you know, pH imbalanced and shit. I've never had that happen, so I guess I can't really speak to it. It's cat straw. It's cat straw. I'd rather eat that girl's ass than pussy. What the fuck?

Is this guy a virgin or not? Well, oh, that's his question? Are you a virgin? I feel like are you a virgin is kind of one of those things where you've got to ask. That's probably true. Right? Like, if you don't, if you're not like, I'm not a virgin anymore, you're probably still a virgin. So what would you say when sex occurs?

And also, you should talk in a higher voice. Yeah, you sound like a grown adult. When would you say sex happens? I am, oh, this is Philly, you're talking to your priest now. I would say intercourse happens. Is there a certain number of pumps, a certain amount of time? I think the second, nope. I think, I think you have to go through...

Fuck, God. I honestly do not know the answer to this. I was going to say, I think you have to go through the whole thing. But you're right. There are definitely times where I've been drunk or hungover and just didn't go through the whole thing, but did most of the thing. And I'm like, well, that was because I had sex. Yeah, that's sex.

I honestly do not know. This is a question that will play philosophers such as fucking podcasters until the end of time. I honestly do not know. If you say that cumming needs to happen, then no girls have ever had sex. It's crazy to me. I was thinking about it. When girls don't cum, is it just sort of like, I like getting my head scratched.

There's no finale, but it feels really good. I mean, like, there are times when I'm just like, that was fun. But I don't get blue balls because that's fake. But, well, fart. The, I don't know, I'm a 10. Yeah, baby!

The, uh, I think you don't come far too often no it's pretty regular I just talk about it a lot I don't know I honestly don't know ask your priest ask Father O'Malley

I really just don't know it's one of those things it's like the senator who said about porn. It's like, I can't define it, but you know it when you see it. You know it when you did it. So if you're asking, you just didn't do it. Next up. What's up, guys?

So my girlfriend's birthday is coming up, and obviously I had to buy her a gift or a couple gifts. I already got her a few little things you know necklace candles things bullshit you always buy um and one thing that she wanted in particular was a scale you know like one of the night scales that says you're like body man's index all that shit um and i just think that's a road i absolutely do not want to go down i could just see the look in her eyes when i she opens the gift and she sees a scale um so i just want to know what your opinion is on buying her scale uh also what are some kind of

backhanded gifts that maybe you've received or you've given to someone. Like, I know that one year my dad got my mom a vacuum. You could just see that fuck you look in her eyes. So, yeah, just let me know what you think. Thanks. A scale is not a good – if she can ask for it, you can get it for her, but you can't be like, here's your birthday. Get her a scale a month after. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Like, that's almost just something, like, you buy for the house. It's like, you know, you get something around the kitchen, you get something in the bathroom, here's a scale. You can't be like, here's your scale. Girls like the dumbest shit. Like we said, the candles and stuff. This is just a waste of time. Honestly, I haven't bought a gift

in so long, and I think just don't get gifts. Just like, I'm very good at just buying things regularly throughout the year and then it doesn't matter anymore. Does that make sense? Which is like I don't

need... You just buy her gifts all the time? I don't buy her gifts all the time. I don't know. Just fucking get shit. And then it's just like well today's fucking your birthday who fucking cares this is terrible advice but it's worked out

it's just like I don't know I I just I don't make a big deal out of gift giving and I just address that like hey I don't really do gifts so I'm good at getting stuff other times I just don't really do gifts. So I'm good at getting stuff other times. I just don't really do gifts, so don't do your help.

It's crazy. Some of the things that Final Burner gets away with, it's like, I just don't do that. And Nick, the women in his life are just like, okay. What? What does that even mean? Find you a girl who doesn't celebrate a birthday. That's just fine.

I mean, I think that... But you know what I do? Because I just do things that are... They just kind of, like, span things. We're like, okay, so, like, obviously it got canceled because of coronavirus, but, like, we were going to go to Europe. We were going to go to Paris. We were going to go to England. And it was, like, kind of in between

her birthday and Valentine's Day. And I never said it was one of those gifts. Yeah. But it like kind of in between her birthday and valentine's day and i never said it was one of those gifts yeah but it just kind of was in between then and like i just didn't get her for something for either of those days and it was just like i'm sure she just was like well it's the fucking trip to europe yeah so like well that i think is a good uh thing to do by the way it's like just on her birthday always always go to a vineyard, go over the weekend, go to a bed and breakfast. If you do things, then you never have to worry about what gift

you're going to get. I'm so much more of a doer than a giver. But if you're going to do gifts, by the way, too, just buy jewelry. Every time. They cannot have enough. Get her a necklace, then next year you get her a bracelet, then next year you get her earrings, next year you get her a ring, next year you get her an anklet, then they just repeat. Another necklace, another get her earrings. Next year, you get her a ring. Next year, you get her an anklet. Then you just repeat. Another necklace.

Another bracelet. Another earring. I never get the stuff like the weight. My mom wanted it for Christmas years ago. Wanted a vacuum. It's one that's so bad. My dad got it for her. My mom was thrilled. She's like, awesome, vacuum. Every Christmas, my dad

gets hurt from buying a vacuum. It's just not worth it. Not by my mom because again, it was what my mom wanted. Hold on, a vacuum is here, huh? Like a little fucking piss hand so you fucking paid for it to live forever or just making fun of me to forget

what I desired the most. And by the way, vacuums are like $10. Wait, what? A good vacuum is like $600. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why they want them.

They're like, I don't want to fucking spend this money, but, you know, a good vacuum is like, I mean, it's a big piece of equipment. You know what I mean? I had no idea.

A fucking room was like $500. I did not know that. I bought Frank to thank me. That motherfucker. Yeah, just get jewelry, man. Just fucking get jewelry and just be down with it okay next up what's up guys first time long time had a hypothetical for you um would you rather be awesome at team sports in high school like three classic sports like you're great at baseball basketball football maybe playing college as well. Really good athlete, but you suck at like the quirky sports and games. Like you can't play golf, fishing, poker, pool, darts, bowling,

or you're just a very mediocre athlete in high school, not going to play in college, but for life, you're unreal at every one of those things. Like you're sick at poker, pool, fishing, like all the cool quirky sort of things. Let me know. Thanks guys. Viva. Great question. I think while I like the idea,

like I love how like Marty is like the greatest athlete in the world, but that dumb shit. That's cool. I think that you will be a different person if you're young and awesome. That's right. So let's say you say's say you stay you. You stay you. That is something

I've been doing more than you. I'm going to be as successful as I'm going to be. Whether or not I... I've been using it as a cop-out. I think I'm using it too much as a crutch. It does not change your personality. Your personality stays who you are right now. My confidence, my ability.

Then I'm taking the opposite. You're not going to play football after the age of 18, most likely. You might still play some basketball. You're not going to play hardball baseball. But you're going to be at the bar throwing darts. You're going to be playing some poker. You hit the bowling alley every now and then. You're just that dude who always wins

and people know you as the alternative sport athlete superstar. It's 100% that. The guy who's going to pool, fucking darts, fucking backgammon, fucking cornhole.

That's so... Now you have a responsibility because you have to do it all the time. I know this guy's just great at cornhole. I just have to play cornhole the entire fucking barbecue. I don't like doing this anymore. I want to just go play jumbo jenga. But the...

But it is like that's that's the guy you want to talk to yeah you want yeah the darts

I'd like to run and take a lap bam bam bam ping pong it's all fucking cool pool is one for me if you can when you

when you're good at pool and you look smooth with a pool cue in your hands you look like that's like sex you're a fuck you're that like even in high school

like I was a pretty good athlete like I never had sex so it didn't do anything for me really as far as again as long as i keep my my confidence which is really like like keeping like like hanging on like uh hiding in like a building was like before you have like your last bit of health like all right so i'm fine i'm definitely got to reload here. That's what my confidence is. Unbelievable. But definitely, you know, it obviously formed me as a person. Right.

But, like, as far as, like, I don't think I got invited to more parties because I was an athlete. I definitely didn't have any sex because I was an athlete. I didn't really have any high school benefits. So I would keep the unscratched lottery ticket of being great at bar games. It's all about potential. Alright, let's get into our interviews. We'll start off with Tim Dillon. Funny comedian, New York guy. I love Tim. I was

nervous about Tim because we're so different, but I really, really, really love Tim. Yeah, he's like sometimes, you know, you see some of his shit. It's like, oh, this guy's like a wacky conspiracy theorist. And other times it'll be, you know, he's as level-headed as it gets. He's very hard to find people who are actually, like, down the middle. And he is one of those guys.

So let's get into it. Tim Dillon. But he's down the middle. I think I'm down the middle. Tim's down the middle in the median in the sense that he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But it ends up being in the middle. Yes. Go to the extremes. See what everyone's got to get.

What they have to offer and then come back. Tim Dillon on KFC Radio is brought to you by The Zebra. Americans overpaying for home insurance and car insurance by over $21 billion. I know for a fact I am. I get a text like, Oh, this has been deducted

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It's just down to brass tacks. Get your insurance at a better price. TheZebra.com slash KFC. Hey, look. There we go. What's up, man? Thank you so much. That's what I sell. I just sell sex. It's just sex, baby. You got fantastic. Thank you so much. That's what I sell.

I just sell sex. It's just sex, baby. You got that glow about you. You're looking fucking hot, Tim Dillon. You just got off the course like closing deals. Yeah, yeah. I look like a guy that's trying to convince a

native tribe to let a logging company, you know know slash a few acres of brazilian rainforest you know that's what i love about you tim dylan you got references and fucking shit that's way above my head all the time man you're smart cat well who knows we'll see so uh i appreciate you doing this i know we we kind of talked earlier about how awful the virtual shit is. I know, but like, I don't think I'm coming back to New York forever. Yeah, no, I figured. I mean, like when you get out, why come back?

I just, and I told my family, I said, I don't think I feel comfortable seeing any of you again, even if there's a vaccine, even if it's five to 10 years from now, when literally the word coronavirus hasn't ever been mentioned to honor the work that the heroes have done. I don't believe I can see any of you. Yo, I actually, you say heroes, and I know you, you were mentioning it on your, on one of your earlier podcasts or recent podcasts where you were like, uh, you're only having heroes on the show from now on only heroes dead one dies i believe and uh the do you think we're ever

gonna get to call someone an asshole again where it's not gonna people aren't gonna be like whoa come on like he served and it's like where and yeah where did he serve? DoorDash. DoorDash. He's in a grocery store. Yeah. He served at Kroger 2020. It's a thing now where it's like, no, like, whoa, dude, like, he served in Iraq. Like, I know. I know. And I appreciate that. He's a dickhead.

Like, what do you want me to do? And the pool for people that's possible of has grown exponentially. Dude, I had a guy call our radio show and he was like, I'm a delivery man and I'm making more money than ever for like FedEx or UPS or whatever. He's like, I'm making bad. And everyone's also like rolling out the red carpet for me. He's like, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't give a fuck. Dude, here's the way it is.

Cause I saw this happen during hurricane Sandy. And if you have nothing going on, there is nothing better than a natural disaster, a hurricane, a plague. I mean, if you've got nothing going on anyway, this is the great equalizer. Like, this is the great leveling. Everybody's home.

No one can go to the gym. You know, happy I wake up, I can't even go to the gym. It's illegal. It's not to the gym. It's illegal. It's not even an option. It's illegal. Did you see that guy? The guy, and I believe it was Jersey, who just got arrested for going to the gym? I mean, that's a lifestyle, and you got to respect him.

He looked exactly like the kind of guy who you'd be like, you are the one who'd get arrested for the gym. He wasn't huge, trying to get like in shape he wasn't a guy who looked like he might be like medically addicted to push-ups he was just kind of like a big armed fat guy who like walks around the gym with the weight belt that you can never really see his gut but you never see him really lifting weight that need that yeah yeah i mean i i am amazed. I loved watching people work out in front of that courthouse. That was incredible. In front of the courthouse.

It's bringing out the best in all of us. Yo, it's great for material, you know what I mean? The amount of protesters and idiots and fucking morons running around. We got material. I do a lot of dark comedy, and this has even gotten very dark for me. So what I really do appreciate about your podcast and your comedy is, like, you are a very informed guy. You keep up with it. You know what's going on in politics, at least more than the average guy.

When you speak, I can tell you're more, you know, well-versed than I am. And it's good. I almost get, like, my news from you speak, I can tell you're more, you know, well-versed than I am. And it's, it's good. I almost get like my news from you sometimes, Tim Dillon. Is that a good guy or a bad guy? I just speak with a lot of certainty. Yeah. So even if I don't know something or if something I'm very like, I'm there, I'm on shaky ground. I'm a Long Island sales guy in my heart. You know what I mean?

You have the voice that's like that guy spent night smoking cigars and glass of whiskey. So when I was 20 years old, I was coked out of my mind, calling people on the phone, telling them I was a financial advisor. So I don't know if I would get news from me, but I'm not a bad voice in the chorus. Yeah, well, I think what's good is you do kind of play it somewhat down the middle where like, I don't think you're a full blown tinfoil hat conspiracy theory guy. I'm not. But you're not like a sheep who's just following, you know, whatever everybody says. You had a tweet, you sent a tweet about a week or so ago

that just said, all we should do is just question these billionaires when they stand to profit and they might want to do weird shit to you. I mean, Bill Gates, there was an article recently in the Daily Mail that was like, hey, Bill Gates was thinking about shooting a missile full of dust at the sun to dull it for climate change so that the sun won't be strong and i'm like maybe let's just discuss that maybe let's just let's just run that through the the you know

before we just hand over you know you know the sun to a guy. That's what I'm saying. I'm not anti-vax. I'm not anti-progress. I'm just like, these guys right now have Batman villain wealth. Meaning the fact that he could even think of doing that, the fact that he could sit home and go, what are we going to do about the sun?

Let's do a dust missile. A dust missile sounds good. How about a dust missile? And he had to say to Melinda, he's sitting there at the table, he goes, honey, what about a dust missile. A dust missile sounds good. How about a dust missile? And he had to say to Melinda, he's sitting there at the table, he goes, honey, what about a dust missile at the sun? And she goes, that seems nice. You know, we just,

we have to watch these people because these are the same people that say progress is so inevitable that everything's got to be AI and robotics. And I'm like, can't we slow it down a little bit? can't we slow it down a little bit? Can't we slow it down, you know, so that, you know, we don't replace all of the workforce with robots?

Like, I just, we just got to stay in the conversation. See, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think that's smart. I just don't do it. And my question for people like you are like, are you tired a lot? Dead serious. When I'm done for the day, when this thing hangs up,

I'm done thinking. I've thought for an hour and I'm out. The way I described it, Tim, is like in the Matrix in the movie, when he's like, you can take the red pill or the blue pill. I don't know which color is which, but John takes the opposite pill of you. he just doesn't want to know doesn't care does it tell him tell i'm about two years from now okay see that's what i was talking i was saying to my

girlfriend today yeah she we were arguing about whether you if you would you want to know if aliens exist if no one would ever believe you and i said sure and she said but no one would believe you i go well i don't care i feel like you're an idiot i'm right yeah and i just because i've been arguing for 10 years about it and i was like like if i read that bill gates thing which yeah i would go fucking ridiculous and i put it down now i i agree it's crazy and stupid and we probably shouldn't do it but i wouldn't like i wouldn't project that into the world because i've been fight with me and i don't deal with that part of what i do right as a comedian i gotta find things that make me laugh right so when i read that article the first thing that happened was i just

started uncontrollably laughing because it was like you know experts warned that bill gates shooting missile of dusted sun could be a calamity, you know? And I just thought, I just thought it was funny. Like everything that I get into for the most part, a lot of it is because I think something is funny or that I can make it funny. Not everything, but a lot of things, whether it's the Bill Gates thing or something, I look at it. Like I'm obsessed with real estate shows. Right. Cause I think they're hilarious.

I tackle at real estate shows like a psychotic person, like the Joker, because I love how fake they are. And I love how we're in this crazy economic recession, depression, whatever we are. And the shows on TV are like, this is a $75 million stunning estate in Malibu. And you're like, it's and then the news is like, the news is like, you know, coronavirus vaccine several years away, 30 million Americans lose jobs. And then you're watching this show about a guy who's having a water slide installed from his room so that it can go to the like the pacific ocean and there's something so funny about like it's just such a wild time in our history when like there's there are those those are the options right you're one or the other yeah you could be fucked totally or you could

be walking around an 80 million dollar house going this doesn't do it for me you see that story today the one that since the pandemic started americans billionaires have made 434 billion dollars they're doing well oh they're doing good they're having a lot of fucking pools tim that's the shit where you gotta be like well let's take a look at that what the They're doing well. Oh my. They're doing good. They're having a lot of fucking pools, Tim. That's the shit where you got to be like, well, let's take a look at that. What the fuck is going on here? You guys made $400 billion while we're all losing, you know. I mean, it's like anything else, right? If you see an opportunity to accelerate a lot of the things that were happening before this pandemic,

a lot of these people were heavily invested in, whether it was self-driving cars, automation, AI, all of this stuff right now because of this situation seems not only inevitable, but desirable, right? You'd rather deal with a robot that can't give you coronavirus, right? But what is the economic impact of all that stuff going to be? And how quickly does this accelerate all those trends, whether it's surveillance, whether, you know, it's, you know, weird, you know, things where you got to have, you know, discussions about ethics, you know, should we be tracking people that have a fever? Should we be, you know, getting into people's search histories without a warrant, which the FBI can now do. Should we be doing all of these things?

And you just got to pay attention to all that stuff, you know? And I mean, I think- When, I think you were talking on your podcast about, in general, like whenever the government can take more power and control, they will. And I think you brought up 9-11 as like the last time that happened. And I was thinking about it, like for the average person though, what happened with 9-11? Your airport experience is like a little bit more of a pain in the ass, right?

And maybe they're doing more surveillance shit like you talk about, but your day-to-day wasn't really all that altered, right? Well, it's also like, yeah, 100%, but it's also like the average white person, right? So if you were a Muslim, if you were a guy, if you were in Guantanamo Bay and you didn't do anything wrong right estimate like 60 percent of them didn't do anything that's crazy yeah it's crazy my bad guys yeah so it changed quite a bit right or if you were a Pakistani kid playing soccer and you just saw this death machine flying in the sky and it just blows up a village you know what the fuck so it's like yeah for certain, it didn't change that much, but like, you know, it, it, it, I think we're all, you know,

potentially less safe because of what went on after nine 11. Like you look at all these countries that got destabilized, right. Sending all of these refugees across Europe, you know, all, it's destabilizing all of these countries probably made us in the long term, less safe, probably made people a lot of money. So it's like, yeah, average American. Yeah. The airport's annoying. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care if you really read my email, you're going to see me. What curse out to postmate who cares? But what,

but what I think we have to look at is like longterm, what are the effects of a, of a a now we can just go to war no one ever has to explain to us why we're at war and that happened after 9-11 people were just like yeah man there's an invisible enemy called terrorism right and um you know and uh we gotta go we gotta go yeah i was reading an article um recently probably within the last week that was very interesting where it was like basically hollywood even refuses to fight that fight for us where like the last movie to even address like overreach government surveillance aside from snowden was uh fucking enemy of the state and they were like because that was 98

and then 2000 and then 9-11 happened, and everyone could just go, well, it's not patriotic. Yeah, you're anti-American if you're doing that. Yeah. There was, what was the one with Ryan Felipe, which was kind of like Bill Gates. He actually watches, he listens to my podcast, which blows my mind. Ryan Felipe?

Ryan Felipe, Felipe guy. Felipe! Excuse us. Sorry, Ryan. By the way, maybe it is guy. Phillippe. Excuse us. Sorry, Ryan. By the way, maybe it is Philippe. Oh, it's Philippe. No idea, but that's the certainty of a Long Island sales guy. Like, I know it's Philippe. And I was like, shit, my bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even. But he listens to the show, which makes me laugh. I just think it's funny. The podcast with Whitney Webb was – Yeah. Wild. I've done podcasts where I just kind of posit like conspiracy theories and shit.

I think I would have been nervous to publish that podcast if I was you. I feel like you're on like a list now. Well, maybe. But they don't kill people unless they really have to. That's really the reality. Put it this way. So for people who don't know, they don't kill people unless they really have to. That's really the reality. Put it this way. So for people who don't know, he did an interview. If I was the caliber of human being that stood in their way, they would love it.

I am so easily co-optable. The CIA could take me to Fridays. Like, it would be so easy. But, I mean, just the idea of, like, if they just looked at me, like, the government was like, who are we up against and they just looked at me they would laugh their asses off and go oh thank god like the best thing in the world for them is that Whitney Webb is on my show and not the evening news or right well that's true but I mean so this podcast for people who don't know it's like Whitney Webb's kind of like a rogue reporter who dives into some deep shit. And you guys were talking about Epstein and Gates and the connection and all these people who are dying and disappearing.

But when you ever have to do a podcast where in the beginning you declare, let the record state, I'm not suicidal. You're doing some weird shit, Tim. You're doing some fucked up shit. The whole thing is the best podcasts, I think, are like, I used to do a lot of drugs and I know you're like, no, were you an athlete? But I did a lot of drugs. Actually. I spent a lot of time in cars with my friends on long Island doing copious amounts of drugs and having really fun conversations.

Like nothing was off limits. You can say whatever you wanted to. And so that's kind of what the show is, where, like, I haven't researched Gates. I haven't researched any of this. I'm not going through the fucking thing. But Whitney is out there doing research. You can agree with her conclusions. You can disagree with her conclusions.

But it's a fucking interesting conversation to have, especially if you're on PCP. Which I suggest you be on some type of mind-altering weed, whatever. I was... Have you done PCP? I've never done PCP. Okay. I've done a lot of coke, booze, weed, pills, acid, none of that had the psychedelic effect

that it did for Joe Rogan where he was like, you know, it opened his mind and, you know, it made him a better person and it helped discipline him. But like, for me, I did acid and like, you know, I was in that other realm just, you know, trying to convince the entities to buy condos.

Like none of it worked. Literally, I mean, the last time I did acid, I was in Long Island in the garden city hotel on three tabs of acid talking to my friends about like who's, which one of our parents had more money. Like that's how lost, that's how lost I am. Like nothing worked. Shrooms didn't work. Like I would sit on a beach and shrooms. I'd be, I take like an eighth and a half of shrooms. Everyone would be in the beach having these experiences. I'd be like,

I would never spend this. And the beach isn't private. You know, we could just do this. So I always, I'm missing it on, on every level. How is it right now? Not getting on stage. Are you one of those comics who like needs to be on stage to live or are you just like, ah. Yeah, I mean, I'm losing it, man. But I'm accepting it. I'm trying to make the podcast as funny as possible. I think I do a good enough job like trying to make that funny.

That podcast that I put out every Sunday would be where I get my material for the stage. Right. So I would take an idea from that, go on stage in the original room of the comedy store at 1130 or 12 at night and really try to work that out and try to make that into something that was really funny. And then you would see that, you know, in Nashville and Chicago, wherever I was in DC, wherever I was on tour. So that's, so I have that beginning.

Like I can, I can still flesh out these funny stories and these funny things, but I missed the stage, man. I miss seeing a lot of my friends. I mean, I'm a Whitney Cummings studio now. She allowed me to do this. Very sweet. I've been made at my house. I'm not trying to get Corona. So I had Whitney let me do this. But I miss, you know, that was also our social life. Tuesday, Wednesday night at the Comedy Store, you would see D'Elia, Rogan, Chrysler, Theo, you know, Segura, all these people, you know,

Joey Cocodillas, like all these people that, you know, are your friends and your colleagues. And it would be a cool place to hang out. And now it's like, we can't really do that as much. So is there like a, like an initiation to that crew? Like you have to be funny enough to roll with that gang. I think you just gotta be funny. I mean, you know, I mean, I don't think there's not an initiate.

Like I am the poorest of everyone like by millions and millions of dollars. So I thank God there's not initiation. Cause I would have had to Uber there. But they respect if you're funny. And I think if you're doing your own fucking thing, like if you're just not waiting around for opportunities, if you're trying to go out and make your own opportunities, that's why all of those guys love Andrew Schultz, even though he lives in New York, because like Andrew's doing his own fucking thing.

He's built a little empire and just creating his own opportunity. So like that's the ethos here is kind of like, you know, you know, do your own shit. I make a lot of those videos. I, I, I put out a bunch of content on the podcast. Like, so that's what it is. I think it's just, we all respect each other because we're all just hustling, working, all that bullshit. What about the people who are, uh,

who are out here hustling doing virtual, all that bullshit. What about the people who are out here hustling, doing virtual stand-up shows? I mean, I suggested that they be arrested. Exterminated? I was like, oh, I think I'm going to go timid with this take here. No. It doesn't work. This is what I want these people to understand. It's not, dude, if that was all there was for the rest of time,

I would bow out and be like fuck it i had a great run i entertained a lot of people stand-up comedy has to be in a fucking room with live human beings i don't care if they're socially distanced or there's 20 of them or whatever i perform for five people in a coffee house but it's got to be human beings. It's never going to be what you want it to be on a fucking zoom comedy show. It is not the future. It is not going to replace standup. It is stupid. And I know that some people have to do it.

Some people are making money doing it. And I'm not judging those people. I am. But what I'm saying is that it fucking sucks. Now, now I. Do a podcast. Just do a podcast, you know? Right. Once again, I agree with you.

What's your level of concern that you're going to be a cold take exposed in 10 years? Like the newspapers who are like, you got to be in the room to talk about sports. You got to interview guys. I don't care. I'll bow out. i have no interest in doing virtual stand-up comedy i love podcasting that is my version of it so if everyone else is doing virtual stand-up comedy i will podcast and be funny in the way that i'm funny and if that's cool that's cool but i have zero interest in doing a zoom comedy show from my bedroom and fucking going like in front of my wall,

like, hey guys, so the other day, everybody in front of me, you know, it's stupid. So listen, there's a certain point if I got to bow out, I fucking bow out. That's life in the big city, man, right? I'm interested to think what uh what what's your what's your thought on what we should do right now should we open back up should we stay closed like what what's your what's your thoughts you gotta open up places where you can

it's probably a case-by-case basis but you you've got to open up. You've got to allow people to go out and earn money. You have to isolate vulnerable people. I mean, this entire thing's been a mess. The whole thing's been a problem. We should have had testing. I mean, we're such a high-tech country. You imagine, right? I can press a button

and have sushi brought to my house in 25 minutes, but somehow we can't get anyone tested. It's weird. It makes you conspiratorial because you're like, we have the money. We have, it's just government's inefficient. And the private sector doesn't have any interest in doing anything until the last moment because there wasn't money in it before it happened, right?

So we have just, it's, you know, listen, man, Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi are calling each other names, like schoolyard names. She's calling him fat. He's calling her old. It's like gross or whatever. It's like, it's a deeply troubling time.

If you pay attention to anything, to just watch that unfold while we're in a depression or we're on the edge of it and i mean we are i hope to god that we avert the worst case scenario but like watch like i i want to be one of these people as even the smallest amount of hope like even the people that have the tiniest amount i'm like how where do you get it from let me know i want it um because i just have so little faith in in in the people that's supposed to lead the country i don't have any faith in them right no matter who they are red or blue doesn't matter very little faith in them because we're just ungovernable i get it i

couldn't do it could you do it we're i mean our country's preposterous when it's so fucking big. It's so, you know, to compare New York to Alabama, to Georgia, to LA, it's like they're all different countries. It's hilarious, but it's ungoverned. I mean, it's very fun. If you accept that we're kind of in a mess, it's very funny to just sit back and have fun and go, yeah, I mean, we have a pandemic. Some people don't believe it's real. Some people think we should stay locked down for the rest of our lives. Some people are afraid of their mail.

Donald Trump is... I've been all of those people at one point. Yeah, I've gone through the motions. Yeah, Donald Trump is leading He's leading the resistance efforts Some people believe that He's fighting a shadow war Against the CIA And he's freeing kids that are in tunnels I mean it's just great

It's just exactly the way This country Would start to really Disintegrate would be in this way Yeah this is the beginning of the end It's a wrap in like a year It's rough to really disintegrate would be in this way. Yeah, this is the beginning of the end. It's a wrap in like a year, you know? It's rough to see how it turns and becomes good.

Yeah, where's that going to come from? How are we going to get back? Just wait until like we have to decide what to do with the election because like that's probably not going to be able to happen like normal. I mean, Joe Biden died of coronavirus three months ago and he's still running like joe biden is a he's has dementia he shouldn't be in one of these nursing homes we keep talking about yeah he's he's completely incapable of articulating a sentence

and it's the george carlin bit it like, this is the best we can do. This is it. It's got to be mortifying if you're like a hardcore liberal that you can't, you can't win now. You can't draw something better out there. This is the best you've got. It's crazy. There's just, there's a lot of money in tech and you can get things done.

Right? So in the government, you can't really get anything done. Look at Trump, Obama. They all want to get things done. Nobody gets anything done. If you're Jeff fucking Bezos, you can get things done right so in the government you can't really get anything done look at trump obama they all want to get things done nobody gets anything done if you're jeff fucking bezos you can get things done so if you're a real type a guy and or girl or gender not specific type a you will go into business or tech or finance and you can get things done as opposed to going into the government where everyone's going to pour over every tweet, everything you've ever done. And even if you get the biggest job in the world, which is the president, there's a limit.

Elon Musk can do a lot more for culture than the president of the United States can. The president can start wars, can do all that stuff. But, like, if you want to make positive changes in people's lives i mean look at your phone look at what we're doing right now all the changes in our lives i'm in my mid-30s 35 you guys probably ready to see me i don't know all of our life what's been the biggest change the iphone or fucking something congress right you know yeah i mean if you if you're a smart like next level smart capable of making money like why the fuck would you ever run for any sort of government like my my mom my mom is convinced my mom calls me every day and tells me i have to get mark cuban on this

show to tell him to run for president she loves mark cuban he's busy on TV being a billionaire, living an awesome life. Why the fuck would you want to be president? Yeah. I mean, listen, you guys, Dave Portnoy's rant was seen by more people and was more impactful than anything that's been said on the floor of the Congress or the Senate in the last year. Which let me just tell you and other people in case they don't know, Dave's an idiot. He's just as dumb as the rest of us. And he goes on these rants and they go almost too viral where I start to get

scared because I'm like, guys, he's dumb too. I think he's a genius. I think you should buy my podcast. I mean, that's the reality. And I just, whatever. I mean, you don't have to, but it would be a good investment. The point is this. I mean, he's making more news.

We don't even know what he said, by the way, you know, it's the funniest thing is like when these like CEOs go in front of Congress and they're like brilliant CEOs and they're fucking us nine ways. We can't even see where the dick is coming from. And then they're being interviewed by like some shithead from Arkansas. That's a Congressman who won a pie eating contest who fucking went to some state school in Georgia. And you're interviewing like a CEO of a company

and they're like smirking and like, they're like, yeah, what are you really going to do? I mean, it's no, there's nothing they can do. My favorite, one of my favorite like congressional clips of the last, I don't know, however many years was Steve King, the representative in iowa i believe it was the ceo of google whose name escapes me but he was like can you explain to me why when my daughter searches or my granddaughter searches her name on this phone like uh i'm evil pops up or whatever and he's like senator that's that's an iphone we're talking about. Yeah. I don't have no idea.

Specifically asking about an app on your iPhone. I run Google. You are, we should never be in the same room. Well, this is the problem. How do you govern a country where you have that vast difference, right? You have a vast difference. You have some guys that are geniuses, some guys that are morons some people that are i mean some people that believe in ancient you know whatever it is religions fundamentalist belief systems whether it's christianity islam whatever it is like

where some people that are in cults how do you get everybody together at the table and go, okay, here's what we're going to do. Hey, San Francisco, non-binary coder, deep woods, Arkansas pastor, meet soccer mom from Greenwich, Connecticut, meet jazz musician from new Orleans. Let's all figure out how to have a country. Everybody's got, I mean, I was on a jury. I was on a jury. And

it was a murder trial, murder and torture. And we ended up convicting the guy. I think he was guilty. I didn't pay attention. But I didn't like his eyes. He had beady eyes. But being on a jury, you see immediately that it's like, it's so hard

to govern anything because everybody's dealing with. I mean, it's a true vast difference. Yeah. Between somebody who's really intelligent and somebody who's just like barely, barely functioning. Well, that was that was the last straw for me in this quarantine where I just said, like, I'm just going to even stop talking about issues. When there was the news clips of the people coming out of church saying, I am bathed in the blood of Christ, so I'm good. I was just like, we cannot talk. We cannot eat.

You know, like, that makes no sense. It doesn't compute. It doesn't compute. But, I mean, then the media doesn't compute either because every article the media says is coronavirus. Officials are hopeful it's the deadliest day of the year it's like they go vaccine on its way and also not possible we won't have one ever at least like they'll be like hospitals are very busy but some are closing

because no one's going you're like what the hell that the the article in boston i understood what the boston mayor was really saying but the one article in boston that understood what the Boston mayor was really saying, but the one article in Boston that said we can't open up the city because nobody has the disease is like, you have to understand how that's going to sound to people. People are, you know, I get it. He means that, you know, we don't have the antibodies. We don't have herd immunity.

But for the average person, they just go, what the fuck are you talking about? My aunt is like a typical boomer who fetishizes the quarantine and i'll call her and i'll go you know we need to open up she goes you know we don't what we need to do is stay home and she's just cocooned in a blanket with a glass of wine watching cnn while her mind melts baking bread and you know she's like stay like this quarantine's been a boon for like cat moms. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like women that are 27, but they're like, I'm a grandma. Like they are like loving baking bread. Look, I made a zucchini.

You know what I mean? It's been a boon for narcissistic celebrities who are like nature's fighting back. Oh, that's the best. This is the earth cleansing itself. Yeah. It's a cleansing. It's just you need to listen to your breath. And it's just like, some people are joining us.

That's what it's doing. It's just swallowing all of us whole. I have friends that are making more on unemployment now than they ever have. You know? They're so happy. I've read a lot of that. They don't want a vaccine. I'm not going to go back.

I have friends who are like, I'm probably not going to go back. Like, I don't know the exact breakdown of that, obviously, because I'm not on unemployment right now. But, like, I have one buddy who's like, dude, I'd make 80% of my salary right now. And I can't for two years. Sit at home. Yeah. I hate my fucking job. I'm miserable.

I love all the people in New York City that are guilting people for leaving. This is how sick. I'm so happy I'm out of there. And I love all the people in New York City that are guilting people for leaving. This is how sick. I'm so happy I'm out of there. And I love New York. But, like, I'm so happy I'm out of that sick, masochistic relationship people have with that city. Because people are like, we're going to remember the people that fled. It's like, shut the fuck up. But thanks for being serious about that.

Because I've seen that stuff. And I kind of just laughed. I got the fuck out of there in, like, a week and a half. Two weeks or so. Dude, people want to live. They want to live, okay? They want to get out of that rat hole. Stop.

And stop making – listen, Cuomo's done some good things. Let's not pretend he's a – the guy, he's a meatball. And let's stop pretending he's the most brilliant politician that's ever lived. I don't know. Like, everyone's like, he's so inspiring. I watched one of his speeches. I like what retard sorry is this inspiring i mean the guy is just doing what every politician does which is go out and he's like we gotta be careful your mother's making sauce it's like what and everybody's like, it's just, it shows you how much people want a messiah.

Anyone will do. Anyone will do. Like, my aunt, who hates Trump, would suck Cuomo's dick because she's such an idiot that she needs a messiah because she's just on her couch in cloaked, in a blanket, and just drinking. Like, they need someone to, like like lead them out of it you know yeah 100 when i when that movement started like writing cuomo as the democratic candidate and i'm like are we talking about the same fucking guy here like he's just reading from like a teleprompter run anybody run michelle obama run cuomo run. Anybody instead of Biden, right? He's like, I agree.

He's like, all right, he can do full sentences, and he has that little inspiration, and it's like, you couldn't get someone like that? You couldn't get someone like that actually on the ticket? It's that big. Why does that have to be a last second? Oh, wait a minute. What about this guy?

Why would we focus on that? Also, you see shit on TV, and then today the report is like, Heyman de Blasio contributed to like 36,000 deaths by not doing the – what, a week earlier, the lockdown? Right. So they're just this fucking stupid – I mean, there's an old point here. Red, blue, left, right, old, y'all, whatever.

Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. It's a cheap time to score points. People should just hopefully – like, I don't know enough About medicine To know anything about what the fuck's Gonna happen but I do know this It's unsustainable

To lock the world down Until you find a vaccine I Wouldn't you be so scared though Because you get one shot That's it you get one shot to go You can go outside again And then it gets all fucking sick again guess what you're done i don't care if people die here's what's

great about it i'm saying they don't give a shit if people die absolutely but yeah but you will yeah you will lose your spot though you will lose your position they do care about that because they want to be down that your aunt's gonna suck their dick right they do care about that um but we're living in a time of disassociation so they can easily convince you that they are not responsible our system of government right now it's so there's so many layers of it it's so complex that it's very it's like a diffusion of responsibility it's very like people anti-lockdown protesters being egged on by trump who started the lockdown right hit the lockdown and no one knows like these people walking around ak-47 like

trump 2020 it's like trump's the one who started the loud right no one cares it's like my favorite part of those people too is like it's a it diagram. Like those guys fighting in Michigan, that's a Venn diagram of the people who are Blue Lives Matter until. Right. Yeah. Right. They put them in a fucking pretzel where all of a sudden they're arguing what they used to hate. Everybody's come full circle.

It's, it's, I think it's because, I think it's because down deep, everybody kind of knows this is it. Like I think down deep people know and they haven't given into it because then that would be scary, I guess.

But I think, or cathartic, I don't know. But I think down deep, we know as a country, we've run the race. And it's just kind of about landing the plane now. And I think we all know that. So like believing in anything at this point, it's like- It's a waste of time time yeah people people know that it doesn't i mean one of our top recording artists last year was the girl who told her mother she would beat her up on dr phil bad baby's a star why she threatened to kill her mother on television like

where what is this gonna look like in 50 years you know well i think it's gotta just collapse like i think we've grown too big and then you tear it down well we got the alternate universe is that something right it's time's going backwards i just read about i mean about that i got a little i got excited and then I realized that I was reading an article in the New York Post about alternate dimensions. And I was like, wait a minute, maybe this isn't the best source. The New York Post is a great science department.

They source many of their articles from my aunt's Facebook page. The New York Post, I'm surprised they had time to write that because all they write about is Bob Barstow and Call Her Daddy. They pulled someone off that beat. Call Her Daddy is the biggest news story in America right now. It is crazy.

You wouldn't know there's a pandemic. You think Call Her Daddy is the reason we're all locked out. We're on lockdown until the girls from Call Her Daddy get together. But I have one aunt who's like a biology teacher, and I have one aunt who's like a drunk, schizophrenic Facebook poster. So it's very interesting to talk to like each aunt because one aunt will have like a rational, reasonable thing.

And then the other aunt will be like some combination of like Donald Trump was chosen by Jesus. And I'm like, okay, well already it's, uh, it's rough. All right,

do all. I appreciate the time. Love the pod. Thank you guys. Back on stage soon. And anytime you want to come on virtual or otherwise, you're not going to come here, but I'll tell you what, we'll come to LA. You stay there. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I don't know where you both are.

I love that you're in like, you look like you're in like small rooms. Are you in the bathroom, John? You look like you're in a bathroom. I'm in my bedroom. All right. I was like, I was like, I thought it was a bathroom. I was like, I hope everything's okay over there. You know, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I do live in a toilet, now that you say it.

It looks like you still live in a toilet. Yeah, and I hope the call her daddy situation, whatever that is, I hope it rectifies itself, because I do believe that is the biggest issue we face right now as a country. I'm waiting for Trump to address it, you know? And you know what? I'm sure he will.

Thanks, guys. Have a good one, dude. Thank you, Tim. Alright, big thanks to Tim Dillon. Smart cat. He's got to be almost exhausting being that informed. That was my first question to him. Like, aren't you tired? But he also did say he stopped being that informed. That was my first question to him. Aren't you tired? But he also

didn't say he stopped being so informed. I think he's going to get killed for the podcast on Epstein. He was talking some spicy shit, man. It was fucking funny. I really enjoyed it. Tim's fucking awesome.

I'm a big Tim Dillon fan. So is Steve Wilkos, a real man's man, a guy's guy who has just kind of stumbled ass backwards into a lifelong career on television after being a cop and a Marine. And then his hardest task of all, breaking up fights on the Jerry Springer set. Let's talk to Steve Wilkos about his show and life in general with, I would say, arguably the most famous bald white guy of all time. He defined the bouncer look. All right, let's dive right into it. We got Steve Wilkos on the KFC Radio Show here. I feel like I'm 35.

I feel like my generation grew up on Jerry and all these talk shows. And I would say that your look is one of the more memorable looks of my generation. Would you agree? God, man. You know, when I think about the Springer Show and its heyday, that was over 20 years ago now. So, yeah, if you're 36, a lot of teenagers,

I get a lot of people saying they would run home from school to watch the show. So, yeah, I guess. So, I mean, you know, think about it. You know, when I was on the Springer show, and this is the late 90s, and this is really before everybody had cell phones and Netflix and everything else. It was just TV.

And the show is just so crazy popular. I don't think there will ever be a time like that again or a show like that again that everybody in the world watched. I mean, when I say the world, we would go to the Netherlands and London and all these places on publicity tours. And Jerry, he was like the beat man. People were going crazy. So, yeah, I can imagine it you know and i mean i

was just very fortunate to be part of it do you think we were kind of talking about this before the show do you think that you inspired the bouncer look because before like all i know about bars in the 80s are like like dalton from roadhouse right like that's the bouncer the guy with the long flowing hair the button down and now every bouncer big guy bald head right? Like that's the bouncer, the guy with the long flowing hair, the button down. And now every bouncer, big guy, bald head, black polo. That's just bouncers. You know what's crazy? Like the only – like I had my hair very short anyways

because I was in the Marine Corps for six years. So when I got out and I was going balding, so the more bald I got, I was cropping my hair even shorter and shorter. And then one day, the executive producer at the time, the Springer, we were in Florida. We were at Daytona Beach, and we were doing Springer Break. And he said, why don't you just shave your head? You'll be much more recognizable.

Because even though, like I'd say, a guy at that time, Michael Jordan, who was bald and black guy, he looked good. There wasn't a lot of white bald guys. You know what I mean? It was like you and Mr. Clean. That was it. Yeah, exactly. So it was crazy because right after I shaved my head and those episodes started appearing after I shaved my head.

And this was before email, like people would write letters into the show, right? Like, you know, postage stamp letters and I would get stacks and stacks of mail. And it was like just shaving the head, man. It kind of just exploded. I mean, Milcos is the first bald baldest beautiful guy. You, I mean, you're a legend for a million reasons, but that's a big one to have. That is a huge movement right now. In quarantine at our company,

I think we've had like four guys who are going balding, just said fuck it, and went with the Bic, and they brought it on home. So I feel like you started a revolution, bro. Well, you know, it's like, it is traumatic because I remember this girl used to cut my hair. And, you know, she would like after she cut my hair, she'd take the mirror and she went real fast behind me, right? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, you know?

And then like, and this was before I was on TV. And then I would watch, like, I would watch an episode that, like, maybe I was on in the episode a lot of the Springer Show. And I would see this huge plate on the back of my head. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, am I going so bald, you know? And I kept, like I said, I kept cropping my hair down. People were calling me the skull. They're like, hey, skull, because I have my hair so short. And then, like I said, then I said, I kept cropping my hair down. People were calling me the skull. They're like, hey, skull, because I have my hair so short. And then, like I said, then I said, hey, man, why am I even bothering with this?

And shake my head, literally gave me a career path. So, worked out really well. It's funny, the butterfly effect on things. How do you even end up going from Marine Corps? Like, were you trying to eventually have your own show, which you do now? Or were you just literally doing security? Like, is this serendipity or what? No, you know, it's, you know, my dad was a paratrooper in the Army during the Korean War.

My dad was a cop. So, you know, growing up in Chicago, I didn't know anybody that went to college. Nobody in my family had ever went to college. So it was get on a city job and, you know, maybe go in the military. And I really looked up to my dad. My dad was this big, imposing, tough guy, and I wanted to be like him. And so that was my career path. I was in the Marines.

I got out, and I was going to be a Chicago police officer for 30 years, get my pension, and, you know, just do what my dad did. And so I never – I'm probably the only person ever in television history that didn't try to get into TV, never auditioned to be in TV, and just went to work security, and they gave me my own show without ever trying or ever wanting that yeah you know what it's when you say that though because like that that's probably rare for that era because you did have to audition and want it but it's actually very like new age where people are

getting famous and getting their own shows just because they're being themselves and like the internet was is doing that for you i mean jerry springer was kind of everybody's original guilty pleasure it was kind of like where you got your your internet content before the internet was a thing i remember being like a teenage kid thinking i'm gonna watch howard stern uh wild on e and jerry springer to get like a little bit of sex a little bit of tna i forgot about wild show. I forgot about Wild I.V. I used to watch that show. The best. The best.

So now you're hosting your own show, and it's kind of like what? Would you call it like the pupil becoming the master sort of thing? Does Jerry bust your balls about being a host, or what's the vibe? He don't bust my balls because he gets a nice big fat paycheck every year from uh you know splitting me up so i think he's very happy with the success of my show um you know i don't think you know so when they said to me we're giving you your own show right i was terrified right because like my role on a Springer show, it just happened so kind of organically.

And it happened at very small increments that I never had stage fright because the focus never was really on me. And I didn't, I was second banana. There was no pressure on me to perform, nothing like that. So when it came to me and said, hey, you're getting your own show, I was terrified, like, oh, my God, what am I going to do? And, like, I really thought, oh, my God, I'm going to be doing like a Jerry Springer show, so much fun,

hot chicks showing their boobs, you know, silliness. And then, no, man, I'm still doing what I did when I was a cop. I'm dealing with child molestation i know it's heavy shit steve it's a fucking joke it kind of was like a downer for me you know because i'm like i thought it'd be like i'd be having fun like jerry with my own show and it like i enjoy my show but it certainly is nothing like the jerry springer show do you think you're one of the first guy after the guys who's worked? Because you started hosting, you covered for Jerry while he was on Dancing with the Stars, right?

And then he said that you should take over Mondays, was it? That's interesting. I don't know how you know that, but not a lot of people do. But yeah, so like when they came to me, when Jerry went on Dancing with the Stars stars they thought he'd be the first one voted off right so they thought like okay one week of shows which at the time i think we did uh three three shows a day or something so that there was three days a week so i would end up doing like nine shows well he ended up being on the show for five weeks or six weeks. So I ended up doing a lot of shows. When those shows aired, they rated really well, okay? So, you know, the next – and when they told me I was going to host,

I said, hey, so what are you going to pay me? And they're like, pay you? What are you talking about? I'm like, yeah, man, I'm security. I'm not the host of the show. So, like, we had to – I had to fight to get extra money to host the show, but they finally agreed to it. So, like, Jerry then was like, hell, man, I could take a day off.

You know, he had a place in Florida and Chicago. So he's like, hey, man, I want to take Monday off, which I would love to do. Like, I'd like to say to somebody, hey, will you come to the show Tuesday? And I, you know, I still get my same pay. Right. You know, so for me, it was, you know, I think, like, doing a hosting show came out to, like, if I did a whole day's, it was like an extra five grand in my pocket, like, if I did Mondays

for Jerry, which $5,000 for me back then was a lot of money, you know, for a day's work. Yeah. So I'd be like, yeah, Jerry, you know, I'll do Mondays, you know. So it was interesting because that second year when I ended up doing a lot of Mondays for Jerry, that really, I think, convinced WC like, hey, this guy can do it. Let's give him his own show. That's like you – they always say, like,

you don't want to be the guy after the guy, right? Like, Jared Stidham's in a tough spot right now with Brady. There was the guy after Francesa. I forget who it was because he lasted so little. You're one of the few. Steve Wilkos and Steve Young are the two guys after the guy who worked. You know, it's funny. So, when my show got launched, I had to go to L.A.,

and they do all this media, and you're sitting in this room with all the TV reporters and everybody. And those guys were laughing at me, man. They're like, you're not going to last 13 weeks. Cause back then it was like 13 week pickup. Like it'd be made past the first 13 weeks. And they're like, you're Jerry Springer's bodyguard. Who would give Jerry Springer's bodyguard a TV show?

Like it was so ridiculous. And now I just signed for two more years, so I'm going to be on the air for 15 years of my own show. Holy shit, man. Yeah. But you know what? I mean, like, in that realm where it's all about the weird and the bizarre, that story makes a lot more sense than, like, the traditional story, right?

You know, and it's funny. I think about, like, you know, it's it's it's funny i think about like you know i see like coming this fall like drew barrymore's getting a daytime talk show nick cannon you know i mean how many shows nick cannon get like you know like why not bring somebody like me again like they're not giving anybody new yeah like you know when i got my show i was 42 years old not that i was that's young but it's young in tv you know what i mean because like most people like in shawls during their 50s or whatever you know why why are the just retreads like they try to bring back Arsenio Hall and Ricky Lake?

It's like, why? There's nobody else out there you can give a show to? No, but you know what? At the same time, too, like nostalgia in that realm plays a big deal. Like I think about Maury Povich. I think about Jerry Springer. And it brings back my childhood. Those guys have stayed on the air the whole time, right?

Right. That is the difference. I was with Ricky Lake lake out in idaho for the bodybuilding.com site they flew us out there and i was talking to her and like you know she was coming back and i'm and she just like i think the attitude was like oh well my my fans from 10 years ago are just going to flock back to me and watch my show. No, man, when you're out of the public eye, you're done. Because people move on, especially in daytime, right? I'm not talking about, like, you know, like big sitcoms and big shows that people, you

know, they go here and there and they're big stars. Daytime TV is a totally different animal. And once you're gone and you're out of that site, people move on. They find other things, you know. And their tastes have changed. Like, I'm sure people that watched Ricky Lake were young girls. Well, now they're mothers with kids and everything else. Right.

And it just didn't work. And I suddenly go, oh, that thing was a disaster. I mean, like, I don't get it. All right. Then tell me this. Let's say we fast forward 10 years, 20 years from now, whatever. And you've retired and they come back to you with a big fat bag of cash. Are you going to say no?

In 20 years, I'm going to be 76 years old. You live to have 76 years old. Right, but I'm saying when I'm 76, like Jerry's 76, right? Maury, I think, is 80 or 81. Shit. I get it. My dad hated when he retired. He told me, he goes, never retire. It's the worst thing in the world.

You're bored out of your mind. But, like, my dad was a cop, and he didn't have a lot of other things going on. Yeah. I would hope in 20 years that I'm not going to want to work anymore. I would hope. Like, the thing that I say is I think guys like Maury and Jerry enjoy being a big star. And, you know, like, oh, there's Jerry Springer this morning. I keep the lowest profile, man.

I go to my club. I play golf. I have a lake house I go to and my house here. I don't go anywhere, man. I don't want to meet people. I don't want to talk to strangers. Like, I'm not that guy. And I don't want to talk to strangers. I'm not that guy. I don't care about being famous.

My wife will tell you all the time, even guys that I met, they're like, no, man. He doesn't care. This is why it works. You don't want to meet people or talk to strangers? Yes.

I'm there for one reason, one reason only. Yes. That's what's up. That's what people say, right? Like the – I hate when athletes, oh, it's not about the money. Or like when Albert Pujols signed with the Angels, oh, God directed the sign with the Angels. Come on now.

$240 million directed the sign. I mean, yeah, if you're talking about you don't want to be around people, not only are you constantly around people, you are around the scales of society, Steve. I mean, there's got to be days. When I'm at work, I mean, seriously, my circle, my world is very, very small. And it just, it's really revolves, like my son plays baseball and he's on a lot of teams.

So I interact with parents, like when I go and people recognize me and they come up to me. So then I'm kind of, but I really shelter myself from the public because I just, I don't, listen, I don't drink anymore. I got a DUI, so I don't drink anymore. I don't do things like that.

I don't go anywhere. Like, me and my wife, we don't even like going out to dinner, man. We go to the club because I have to spend my minimum every three months. But that's it, man. I'm like, we don't – I love being in my house, man. Dude, I don't know if I was going to, I think you're my idol, Steve Wilkos. What you're laying out is

the exact life I want to live, bro. I have a really good life, man. I have a successful wife, and I think she's very attractive. I got two great kids. You're Doritos, right? I just ate a bag.

I just finished right before I just ate a bag. I just finished right before I got home. There was a clip on Twitter you talked about. She's my Doritos. She's my Doritos, yeah. The point of that was, and I just, I don't know why, I just saw that clip. And it was like this young guy who's like 18 years old. He's getting married.

And I'm like, so you're like, it's like opening a bag of jays with chips and it's the only chip you're ever going to taste in your whole life like no man when you like when I was like 20 I was trying to sleep with everybody you know what I mean like that's not for everybody but it was for me and I just can't because I you know when I married my wife I was 36 years old and I've been with a lot of people, and that was my point. And, like, I found the greatest tasting chip that I could eat that chip for the rest of my life. That is the most goddamn romantic story I've ever heard, Steve Wilkos.

I have a question for you, Steve. Steve, let's say, right, that the Democratic National Committee and the Republican National Committee come to you and say, Steve Wilkos, 20th election season, we want you to host a debate. Would you do it? I would love to. I don't think I'm qualified to do it, but I would love to. Steve, I think you're overqualified, pal. Have you looked around? Qualifications don't matter anymore, bro. Steve, I think you're overqualified, pal. Have you looked around?

Qualifications don't matter anymore, bro. Yeah, I guess not. But I would certainly, and I'll say this, I'm a very conservative guy. I was a military cop. I'm a lean Republican. I would love to be the moderator of the debate. Especially, I would have liked to have been the moderator of some of these Democratic debates, for sure.

The whole crowd would have been like, What you mentioned, obviously you've mentioned a couple times, but the Marines and the cops, that always struck me as similar before, like you had a locker room mentality in all your careers.

Was there, was that similar to that when you were the security guard at the springer? Like, would you guys get back after, after the show and be like, Oh boy, tough beat tonight? No, you know what? I, like, like I said, I wish, you know, we could sit here for hours and talk about the Springer Show. That was like being in high school, getting paid a lot of money, and you would go to work and there was no rules on the Springer Show.

There wasn't really any format. Like, you know, there's a basic script of, okay, this is what the show is going to be about. But it would just blow up and we would just literally run around on stage and pull each other's pants down. I mean, that's what was crazy about that show. It's like, to me, it was the funnest time of my life because there was, like, even with my show, now there's rules and all these lawyers.

Oh, my God. But the Springer show back then, there was no HR person. There was no lawyers on the scene we were in Chicago we were on like a little island everybody was either in New York or LA so they left us alone and we literally did whatever we wanted it was great well before we let you go what's like the worst uh Springer not worst but like craziest fight or silliest scene that you ever experienced? I was talking about this yesterday

and I'm going to tell you quickly two quick funny stories and they're not so one is not so much even to do with what was happening on stage. So our old executive producer, he was kind of a nut and he like, you know, when there was a fight on stage,

he wanted everybody standing and screaming, you know. So he would yell at the stage manager, get the crowd going, get the crowd going. Well, he noticed one guy across the whole audience was not standing. And he's like, tell that motherfucker to stand up, you know. He's screaming at the stage manager. And the stage manager is screaming across going, stand up, stand up. And I'm standing on the side.

The dude's in a wheelchair. He has no legs. And he yells, he goes, I can't stand up. I got no legs. I literally almost pissed on myself. And then the other, like, it was not funny for the guy, but, like, you know, we didn't want people to be like, oh, I'm hurt laying on the ground because that wasn't good for the show. Like, get back up.

Get back in there. Keep fighting, you know? So the one dude goes, man, I can't get up. I broke my leg. I go, bullshit, get your ass up. He goes, no, I really think my leg's broke. He peels back his jeans, and the bone is sticking to his skin. And I was like, I'm like, oh, you know.

So me and another guy, we dragged him off backstage, you know. Can you imagine having a fucking impaled bone for the Jerry Springer show? Holy shit. Talk about that. So that's what people say to me. They're like, oh, those fights were fake. Now, I'm sure some of them were. But I would say 95% of them when I was on the show.

I can't speak to when I left the show. But when I was on the show, not, I can't speak to when I left the show, but when I was on that show, I had a concussion. I tore my groin. I mean, I like two back surgeries, you know, like there was guys that,

Hey, when another dude is sleeping with your wife, you're motivated to kick some ass, man. You know? So it wasn't, there wasn't a lot of uh bullshit going on when i was there i imagine there were times when the crowd was even rowdier because you said chicago did you work when uh were you still there when they were in stanford

um i when i moved to stanford i was already on my own show oh okay i remember when when i was in college we would have um like like kids would basically take a bus to stanford because like buses would go in for the springer show yeah and they would just party on the bus and show up shit-faced and i imagine like a lover's quarrel on stage with a bunch of drunk sorority girls in the crowd is chaos. So here's another crazy story. So this was in Chicago, and we had much bigger audiences, obviously, in Chicago because we were on Michigan Avenue. You had all the tourists that would come to the show.

So, like you said, the people from the audience, not only did we have to worry about the people on stage, you did have to worry about some dickhead in the audience. So one time this guy, he's mad about something happened on stage. I don't know how you get so upset. It's not towards you. He picks, and we had the metal folding chairs, right? This dude picks up the metal chair.

He comes, and you see him, like, we watched it later after, you know, we'd done taping. And he swings the chair, like, I i mean like a million miles an hour swings it and it goes right over the top of my security guy's head another one of my guys that worked for me i mean he would have decapitated him if he would have hit him i'm like holy like and we took that guy backstage and we had a little talking with him. I was going to say, you give that guy the business, right? That's a fucking blanket party. I know it's funny,

because one time, it was like the first year of my show, and this one guy, he just kept getting it. Like, he ran off stage, and he was a bad dude, and he was like, probably killed his girlfriend's kid.

That's how the story goes. Oh, fuck, Steve. Jesus Christ. He kept getting up in my face. He goes, oh, you're a pussy, Steve. You're a pussy. You're a pussy. I had enough because that first season, man, it was out of my mind. I was

taping all the time. I was going down the streets of Chicago to tape until 2 o'clock in the morning. I worked like a dog. So when this guy kept doing it, I finally said, cut the cameras. Cut. I go, take them in the green room. And it was like that scene from Bronx tale where the bikers are in there causing a lot of trouble. And then he goes, no, you can't be. So now there's no cameras. And I'm like, what now?

You got something to say? Do I smell like pussy now? And let's just say you ain't going on a Dr. Phil show and Dr. Phil's kicking your ass, okay? That's never going to happen. Rachel Ray's never going to come in a green room and give you a beating. That's how you promo a fucking show, Steve Wilkins. That would never happen. And it's never happened today.

Never. But I'm just saying nobody ever left any other talk show and said, Ellen DeGeneres came in my room. They might be, I've been reading those stories. They might be saying that about Ellen. I know she's getting some bad press, but like,

Hey, you know what I always say when you're in the public eye I know. She's getting some bad press. But like, hey, you know what? I always say, when you're in the public eye, people are going to take shots at you. You know, who cares? Roll with it. She's got all the money in the world. She's got a smoking out wife. Who cares? Like you said, dude, do it for this.

That's those Doritos. Not everybody's going to like you. And that happened way before I was on TV. Well, congrats on all the success. I hope you do a run until you're 80 or however long you want to do it. Thanks for all that. 76 and hit the club.

76. Have a good one, dude. Thank you so much, Steve. Take care, guys. Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face, the mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere, give it in the light. Written on the pages is the answer to a never-ending story.

Ah, reach the stars, light up a disease. Dream a dream, and what you see will be Rise again, their secrets real I'm bold behind my clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never-ending story ah ah story

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