KFC Radio - Tim Meadows, KFC Radio Karaoke, and When To Give Up

Episode Date: December 4, 2018

SNL legend Tim Meadows stops by to talk about No Activity, the art of the prank call, and if anyone hates him. We issue the first KFCR Karaoke Challenge. Feits ex-girlfriend gets engaged. Mean Girls songs are sung. Voicemails include: When To Give Up, Leaving Sex for Friends, You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Tommy John is the presenting sponsor of KFC Radio now and forever. Forever? Oh, you're roping them into that, huh? Yeah, pretty much. That's like a relationship where it's like, hey, yeah, like you want to like, you know, like if you're reaching up, and it's like, hey, we're in a relationship, it's like, I trapped you, you're mine, I'm never letting go. This is like me walking up to Halsey or Aubrey Plaza and being like, you're reaching up and it's like, hey, we're in a relationship. I trapped you. You're mine. I'm never letting go. This is like me walking up to Halsey or Aubrey Plaza and being like, you're my girlfriend now.

Tommy John, you're what KFC Radio would have because we love you that much. You made this decision like, yeah, he was cute. He was fun. I'll go out with him a couple times. Then it was like, let's be in a relationship with KFC Radio. And now we're never letting go. Ever. Of all the relationships I've ever been in,

this is my happiest one. This is the strongest one I've got. This is as good as it gets. Yeah, I mean, this could last two. Tommy John hugs me better than anyone's ever hugged me before. Quite literally. Hugs up on that dick and balls. Thomas Jonathan gets me really good.

This could last through the holidays, and it would be the longest relationship you've ever had. I don't like jokes that are true. It's funny because it hurts. Tommy John, the best underwear in the world for the best podcast in the world. It snugs up on your snow globes. On your jingle bells.

Oh, they themed that. They got the stay put waistband. They've got the no wedgie guarantee. They really are the best. It's not even close. You don't get the wedgie it cups everything nicely it's got that like that material is like i'll be honest today's laundry day so i'm wearing boxers today like old boxers too like like no joke american eagle box yeah i don't even have those for like 20 years yeah yeah like this was like i searched through my closet because i was like fuck i gotta drop my job this morning i don't have anything the worst part of laundry day is

not what you're wearing on the outside that doesn't look good it's on the inside the whole day you're uncomfortable inside out pair of boxers maybe that's when it's oh that's when it's laundry day two days in a row like it was laundry day and i didn't do it now i'm flipping them inside out and i'm scraping the deodorant on that's empty. You're at that point where you're digging in the bottom of the trash for your deodorant and digging in the bottom of your hamper for your underwear. But the silver lining is I know on the way home I'm picking up like seven pairs of fresh deodorants. And then you're set for the next week.

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TommyJohn.com slash KFC for 20% off. Let's get it. This is the greatest show on the fucking planet. It's a fun show and a fun song. Greatest fucking show in the game. And you know what? We're a couple of circus freaks too. Are we? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. How come? Because we're like social misfits. Yeah. I mean, me, you. couple of circus freaks too are we yeah oh yeah how come because we're like social misfits yeah i mean me you i i i can't even properly wear that crown this weekend because i did shit all weekend i'm such an idiot i know when john does stuff that's like our version of cheating you know i'm like what are you watching nothing i'm out don't even respond to his text then you're out? you know what the problem is it's somewhere in a gray area between

I'm too nice and too much of a pussy because if you invite me to something I'm going to go and like no matter how little I want to and to be fair I'll probably end up having a pretty good time there but it's like it's not a terrible thing to say yes to social events

at a certain period in your life like as much as i like to do nothing yes that's the thing yeah that's why you're ridiculous for going out when you're like just out of college you should say yes you should go out you should do things you should hang out with people you should go places you should try like new bars clubs restaurants all of it always say yes just go eat because even the nights where you don't want to go out are the nights that always end up being the best. I don't know how. I don't know why. It's like, I didn't want to go at all and I ended up having a ball. But you are 30, bro.

I know. You should never do anything ever again. I went to the Operation Heal Our Heroes gala on Friday night which Kate crushed her speech. I'll just donate though. I don't have to go. I know why you want me here. It's for the money. I'll just donate.

And that's the thing. When you invite me to that, like, the tickets were $150. That's not enough money. Because I'm going to drink. Like, it's an open bar. And there's food. I'm going to drink and eat. I'm costing you money by coming to your event.

Right. This charity is not working out. Because Feidelberg just had $700 worth of shit. Like, I probably had, like, five or six drinks. But I had, like like four plates of food. I ate and drank more. I cost Operation Heal Our Heroes money by going to their event. You're basically like a communist, bro.

There's no doubt in my mind about that. I took money from the troops at that event. That's just a fact. That's not an exaggeration. That's just a fact. $100 is like a bar tab, and I had four plates of food. I cost them 75 bucks. Yeah.

But I guess they're banking on the fact that people are going to get in there and do those silent auctions and just spend a boatload of money on dumb stuff. Yeah. Large did that. Large. Well, even large. I think large got a pretty good deal for two Post Malone tickets. 500 bucks.

Dude, I hope large is out there. Because you can tell that I'm better now. Better now. And then fucking wine-a-corn as the song's playing in the background. Saturday, I was in super high demand. Oh, my God. John, you would have thought John was good-looking and friendly. It was unbelievable.

They know that you're a depressing mess, right? Why do you want this guy around so bad? I was invited to parties all at noon, 2, and 4. I only went to the 4 o'clock one. But nonetheless, i had to hide for the post logan's birthday happy birthday logan on sunday uh it is a whole family was in town all his friends are like are you 30 bro 27 like why the fuck's everybody here then no that's 20 the 27 club he might kill himself oh true and he does work here at barstool now this could be the last

one you ever see um but then sunday i went out and got drinks with a friend and got some interesting news on Sunday. Oh, did you? Yes. My ex-girlfriend got engaged. And I. She got a taste of you and was like, I need to find someone else and wrap this shit up. Dude, this is my first ex-girlfriend has been engaged. And there aren't many of them.

So it was slim pickings. But the. So we're at. We're just got a couple of drinks, and she's like, so this is like halfway through a drink. It wasn't like the first thing she said when she sat down. She's like, so, you know, I haven't even asked you, how are you doing? I was like, fine. Because that's the only acceptable answer to how are you doing. Say anything else, it's like, shut up.

Shut the fuck up. I don't actually care. I was really being polite. I don't give a shit how you are. So I was like, how are you doing? I was like, I'm fine. She's like, no, but like, you know, with everything. I said, I looked a little more inquisitively this time.

I said, fine, I think. Like, are you trying to convince me I'm not fine? What's up? And she's like, I mean, just like, you know, with all the stuff. And I said, look, I don't know what you're talking about. You're going to have to stop speaking in code. And you're going to have to be direct direct what is going on here what are you talking about she's like well oh am am i the one telling you for the first time i was like i don't know

what you're talking about just tell me literally i'm not sure what's going on and she said she's like well she got engaged and i was like oh word like i i haven't spoken to her in a year i it's not like a thing i didn't even you know she's like she started crying she was like like fanning her face like girls are crazy i'm sorry i had to be the one to tell you i was like well you know what that is though she stepped in that one like i i i guess it didn't happen recently it was like weeks ago right and but there is a chance that like if you were upset now she's just like ruined that happy hour you know like it's like hey i just came for drinks with john i was trying to be a polite friend and now like he's

crying about his ex yeah but i'm never gonna i'll maybe i will when i get home but i'm not gonna ruin someone else's time i'm too polite for that i will i will do what i always do is suppress my feelings until i'm alone in a closet somewhere but the uh so i guess it happened a couple weeks ago i guess i guess she was in the hospital for something. We missed that one too, huh? You've really been keeping tabs on this girl, huh? He did it while she was in the hospital. I didn't know what she was in the hospital for.

By the way, that's not a great proposal. I guess. I don't know. Girls want to be dressed up and decked out. But also it shows I love you even when you're at this point. I guess so. Well, whatever. The point is though out and it's like a romantic moment. But also it shows like I love you even when you're at this point. I guess so. I guess it's kind of. Maybe it was like well whatever.

The point is though is like it was a it was one of those things where like yeah it bothered me because I was like I guess I should feel something about this. Yeah that's one of those like almost for social standards you should be like oh no. It's not that I feel

it's not that I'm happy it's not that I'm happy, it's not that I'm sad, I'm just nothing. Well, you're empty. You're an empty vessel of desolate feelings. Obviously, I'm so good at putting up walls for things that usually would hurt me, so that's why I didn't know she was in the hospital, didn't know she was engaged, didn't know any of that, because

like everything that I know will bother me, I'm just like, brick wall, like in a submarine watertight like nope not getting in this part of the brain motherfucker do you remember in NHL 94 when the goalie got hot he would just become a brick wall really quick yeah that's it like

at all times like emotions are trying to hit you and John just like brick brick brick nope can't get in you can't get in every now and then one squeaks past the goalie and John's like upset for about 25 minutes but well now I've had 24 hours of at least like thinking about it. And it's one of those things where it's weird because you kind of. I was going to say, John, it sounds like maybe it's on your brain a little bit. Yeah.

No, I mean, yeah. I found out yesterday. It's definitely on my brain. But it's like a weird thing. Oh, yeah. Have you ever had an ex-girlfriend get engaged? Yeah. Well, I mean, but I'm old and washed up and shit.

I mean, I've had ex-girlfriends have kids and shit. Yeah, that's true. The weirdest thing for me is not exes. I mean, you're two years older, man. I don't know why we was Yeah, but I'm like in a different generation. It's not an age thing. It's like I, we were like, me and you were along on the same like highway

and like I was like a little bit ahead of you. I was like maybe one exit ahead of you, you know, and then all of a sudden like I went express and you went local and you hit traffic and I just fucking kept going. I was in hyperspeed and you were stuck in traffic, but in a great way. Stay there on the side of the road with a broken down car forever. It was, it's yeah.

You hit the NOS and I just kind of, yep. I fell behind you. You live that left court. You live that quarter mile real fast, real fast. And then I got to the end of the quarter mile and it was a cliff. There was just no more road. And then it went to the bottom and it hit the fucking ravine. And there was fire, brimstone.

And then the gas caught on fire. There was a second explosion. And then I'm just burning to death. And then I'm burning to death. And then there's just a corpse of burnt. And you're stuck in traffic. Yeah. Listening to, like, fucking Jimmy Buffett,

just having a grand old time, probably drinking in the car. I'm having, it's just a Rita. Maybe getting head. Anyway. I mean, when I was dating a girl in high school who was older than me.

And so she got married like quicker and then had kids pretty quick. So I remember going through that that's strange it's like oh yeah i mean this one isn't really strange because it wasn't really that real relationship what was weirder for me is when barstool smoke shows started getting engaged and having kids that's weird forget about my own personal experiences when it was like a college chick who i was like this is the hottest girl i've ever seen and then if i find out that like some dude who's like got like male pattern balding and like shitty job he he locked her down and like knocked her up you're not marrying Drake right yeah you're not famous what the fuck your life just sucks like mine you look

like that and you do what I do that's crazy so that was weirder than anything but it is definitely a strange because you inevitably start thinking like what if it was me i think everyone kind of has when you're in a relationship i i don't maybe i'm different where like i i never like think of a relationship is totally over like it's like i'm always like oh i do i'm like yeah maybe like that'll come back around i don't fucking know i actually do think that way as much as i'm joking i i i'll never say never on yeah literally on anything everything in my life right now, I'm like, you never know. It was certainly not something I expected rather than that, but it's always like, oh, so that one's officially over, huh?

Yeah. I got a couple other open books, but that one's definitely closed. Okay. Yeah, you can seal the book, stamp that one, fucking seal it up, sign, seal, deliver. That shit is over. Burn that shit like Hitler. Books. That's a book burning.

It's a book burning joke Jesus Christ you fucking assholes who went there with that I made a book book burning god damn I'm not going to call anybody who went there an asshole that was not a big leap we're talking about a book and I said burning

we're also talking about a human we were on books at that point and you're correct and you were talking about the book I saw it but I immediately was like that also sounds like we're talking about burning the girl. No, I'm not talking about that. Also, she's Catholic, just so we're clear. I was going to say, there was no Steins or Bergs up in there. Yeah.

No, we'll gas her. Oh, no. Next ad read! We got Tim Meadows on the program. SNL legend, Mean Girls legend. He's all around. He's got a new show coming out. And then also, I was watching Netflix.

Not a new show. Season 2. A new premiere coming out. I was watching Netflix. I was watching Schitt's Creek. There was another ad. He's in something else. He's everywhere. Tim Meadows is everywhere. He has not aged. He looks exactly the same. Maybe a little ad for something. He's in something else. He's everywhere. Tim Meadows is everywhere. Tim Meadows. I mean, he has not aged. He looks exactly the same.

Maybe like a little salt and pepper. That's it. Someone was saying like, oh, he looks a little older. Get the fuck out of here. He looks exactly the same. Black don't crack, baby. He looks exactly the same. But before we do that, we'll get into our voicemails.

Brought to you by Reebok. I'm doing this ad read. You want to know why? Because I am more stylish than Kevin. And Reebok was like, hang on. Let's have the hot, smart one. Both of them. I'm taking both of them on this ad read.

Turn Kevin's mic off real quick, please. That's more aggravating than the real reason. Reebok, the Aztrek is out now. The Aztrek is the hot. We got these for free, not to brag. And I think I've worn it just willingly for, I actually worn it so willingly for the last two weeks that I was scared that we weren't going to do the ad read

and it was going to be a little dirty by that point and I couldn't really show it off. It's just a fire, fire sneaker. Reebok classics are the hottest of the game right now. It was first created in 1993. Little throwback built for off-road running. You know, my favorite sport. Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, I'm a big, big, big off-road runner. They are the, they, you know, I'm not huge on the dad shoe trend, but this is like the best of the dad shoes I've seen. This is. It's not too clunky. The other dad shoes. It's not clunky at all. It's an off-road running shoe.

It's got the thick sole, but not too much clunk. It's the newest iteration of the Aztec. It brings the heritage back. Got a couple of little bright new colorways. I'm doing the all white with black and red. It comes in a red, white, and blue, I believe. A black with white and lime green, I think. It represented wildly original and

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They're all very, very fancy. Two pairs for $160. One pair for $80. Reebok.com. That ad was brought to you by the smart and handsome one. And stylish. We put the voicemails

out on Twitter for the people to vote. Sometimes I check that. Sometimes I don't. But overwhelmingly, number one, stops having sex to hang out with friends.

Sounds great to me. Hey, KFC Fights Super Producer BC. Apologies and you're welcome for just being sure playing in the background. So I have this question. Bear with me while I give a backstory that like kind of explains it. So like I'm hanging out with my girls and some guys are there and there's this one guy that I like hook up with occasionally.

And we go mid-party and have sex and like he's pretty drunk. We're both drunk and kind of seems like he's not gonna come anytime soon. And I kind of want to go back and hang out with everybody. So basically my question is like is it super bad or just like not I don't know what's the word like not just like caring to end the sex and be like, hey, especially if I already came,

like, hey, I want to go back and hang out with my girls. Sorry. Pre-male ejaculate. I mean, I guess the devil's advocate is that, like, guys come before girls. I mean, listen, this is, we do this all the time. Yeah. Where it's like, you're not going to come. Let's just wrap this shit up and continue with our day.

So I can't sit here and be offended or upset if you want to do that to me. That's the number one feminist podcast. Girl, whenever you want to stop having sex,

you stop having sex. Yeah, if you say no before you say no middle, then we stop. That's how we roll. I think I think

if either party, it's more often female, but if either party seems like they ain't going to come, let's nip this shit in the bud. Let's wrap this up. Let's call it. And credit to me because I noticed this right away, and I'll just fake an orgasm. Will you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But you got to have a condom for that.

Nah. I'll just pull out and be like, uh, uh. And then I'll be like, I don't know where it went. You've done that and just been like, uh, the cum's gone? Yeah, man, I've done that, like, a lot of times. Do you think you got away with it? Do you think the girl was like, there's no cum, so he faked it again? It's probably one of those things.

I bet you that girl rolls over and texts her friend, like, Fidelberg just faked cum again. Yeah, I'll fake an orgasm. I'm not a puppet girl. It's not just ladies who fake cum. He just went like this I mean I don't know about I don't know about like

Throwing that stamp on it But fuck it yeah No I'm with you KFC Radio is gonna expose That not just women Fake orgasms Men fake cum too I fake cum like

More often than not It sounds like If it's If it's after 1.30 in the morning I'm probably faking it Yeah I mean uh no problem the last time because i've like sometimes i'll try and be like responsible and mature and all that by the way shout out to me because i was really mature all weekend i probably had like four or five drinks a night great fantastic i mean

that's what you always do yeah yeah but like on the weekend i usually go more right that's like that's that's monday through friday drink, right. We can be Mr. Responsible. But the, yeah, if it's like, sometimes I'll be like, ah, you know, like maybe something's going to happen. I'm going to stop drinking. But that usually falls off at like midnight. Yeah. I'm like, ah, fuck it, I'm going to drink again. Right.

And then when 130 rolls around, we got ourselves in a little. Quite the quagmire. Yeah. A little fucking thumbing situation. Yeah. Like, I know where that's going to go. It's splinted in. See, that's the thing. I feel like if I can't come i probably am not gonna get hard enough it's to me it's a very like there's a very small window of i'm hard but not gonna come

yeah so it's like either i'm gonna or we're not gonna at all no no i i can i can i can pretty often get in there and then but then it's like once you're in, it's just like, okay, I don't really feel like doing this. I just got the room spinning. Yeah, I'm sweating. It's hard. Because that's the other thing is that if you can get it in and you're not going to come, that means you're trying for a long time. It's like I'm usually used to this being over in six minutes.

We are on a minute 11. It's like I'm doubling up my time here. That's why I will usually like I'll do'll do a, like, a fake slowdown. Oh, of course. Like I was close. Yeah. And then I'll, like, go again. I'll be like, oh, wait, I lost it.

I'm done. And then... Lost it like I came or lost it like I lost my heart on? I came. I hope you do a better performance than that. Because that was very... Kevin, listen here.

That was very disheartening. Tell you what, you got to pay money to see my acting jobs. I don't give... You mean you pay her? I don't give this shit away for free. You want to see John and jobs i don't give you mean you pay her i don't i don't give this shit away for free you want to you want to see john and all his fake orgasm glory you better take me home at two in the morning that is quite literally the last thing i'd like to see you're goddamn right

i spared you all the last time i i don't want to see it i don't want to hear it last time i faked an orgasm i had a condom on so i could fake it. John just thinks that he's tricking girls by like, like, Oh, I don't know. It disappeared. Like something about Mary. Like,

no, that's not how it happens. I mean, it's like one of those things like, like, look, you probably know when a girl's faking it too. And it's just like an unspoken thing.

I mean, there's not like a absolutely consistent substance that comes out of them. What? Every time they come. Yeah. But if I just, if I just pull out and it was like, just like pretend you shoot into the sheets or something.

Yeah. I'm like, are you like, what are like pretend you shoot into the sheets or something? Yeah. Are we going to fucking get out of blacklight? We're going to go to bed. We're not going to run a condom. I'm going to come on. We're just going to fucking go to bed. Where is that? I got to see it. Shut the fuck up. Let's go to sleep. Last time I faked it, it was with a girl that

I had previously not been able to get it up with. So I couldn't get it up. Like we roll over and go to sleep. Like, and I could tell she was one of those girls who was taking it hard. Like it was her fault. Or like, then she just didn't like me about it. And then like in the middle of the night, I rolled over and I was like, all right, we're good to go.

Yeah. I love that. So I'm like, uh, kind of poking her. I'm ready now. I'm ready now. Cause I definitely like, as we went to bed, I'm like, you know, it's not you, it's me. Like, no, you're so sexy. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I'm while I've been drinking, I'm stressed, whatever. But, and then, but I was like, but like, Oh, I'm gonna get you back. Like, don't worry. I promise you. So then

I wake up, I'm like, Oh, but it was still like kind of in my head. So I basically like rolled her over and make sure she was conscious. Like, like, you good okay let's go and then but i could tell like we were going nowhere fast so i was like no i can't like now i can't not come like first i couldn't even get in now i can't come this girl's gonna fucking run for the hills so i faked it so yeah that that's actually even more than like the 1 30 that time like the 5 a.m. wake up with like you rolled over on a boner. What the fuck? Yeah. Okay.

Let's do something with this. The shoulder nudge is the best. Yeah. You're awake. Hey, come here. Get on top. Take this off. Yeah.

Right. Can you do the work? I always do that. I'm like, hey. Well, come on. I got it up here. It's 5 in the morning. I did my job.

Yeah, you got to do a little something. Literally all the blood is flowing. I'm pushing it all there. You better do the rest. If I get on top, if I have to have my head down and exercise, I'm going to pass out. My dick is working over time to stay hard. There's only so much blood in my body.

It's all being utilized at the moment. I have no blood to spare. Like those Air Force pilots who are in those simulators. They just pass out. You're going to have headbutting her and she snaps forward. It's so hard having sex. It's so hard. It's the worst.

It's so hard. It's like I don't do anything physical anymore, yet I am expected to, for multiple minutes, be up on top of you, propping up my body weight, being being sexy and doing it in a very effective manner to unlock a goddamn secret g-spot oh no i can't do any of that i can't even golf man i can't even fucking i can't even do basic shit now all of a sudden i got to do acrobatics with my dick and body nope i was at a fundraiser uh far over at a boys and girls club and they were doing like, uh, um, like, let's, let's fucking finish this story right now.

It sounds like knockout. And I, I, I went, I ran and got a rebound. I was like, I'm done. I'm not even trying to hit this lab before they shoot.

Cause it's not happening. I need a water. I need to sit down. Someone give me a Gatorade and a wet towel. I just had sex for four minutes. Fucking. Hey, anyway, I think you should be able to leave. Yeah, definitely. And I, and a wet towel. I just had sex for four minutes. Fucking A.

Anyway, I think you should be able to leave. Yeah, definitely. And I think most guys would be like, okay, listen, girls, you don't realize how stressful it is trying to get out. Clearly, you listen to us just rant and rave for like 12 minutes there. It's very hard for us to get our dicks hard. It's very hard for us to use it properly. It's very, I don't know

where to come if I can't come. It's all very stressful. So if someone just lets me off the hook and says like, I'm going to go back to my friends, you can go jerk off. I'd be like, yes! Yes! Especially if you've already come. Like, oh, you're good? You came? You came for this? You can do whatever you want. I'll finish this on my own.

Alright, boys. How's it going? I got a good pickup line here. I was talking to my buddies a couple days ago. And I think this pickup line is golden. Here it is. So it has to be perfect settings. The lighting's got to be perfect to pull this off. What you do is you walk up to the girl that you're digging.

And you say, hey, I need you to help solve a debate here I'm having with my buddies. I showed her a picture of this girl. And I think she's absolutely beautiful and gorgeous. But they disagree. And it's her? So we just kind of wanted to get a female perspective. If it's her. That's when you turn your phone and show her, the phone's off, and again, the lighting's got to be perfect, so her

reflection is in the phone. Boom. Let me know. First of all, first of all, the way you do this so you don't need the goddamn stars and the moons and shit to align, is you put the camera on. Put the fucking, flip the camera. It will always show her face, I promise you that. Rather than have like Stonehenge lines.

Like, you can make her face go on the camera automatically. Second of all, this is a terrible idea. This is the worst. Terrible idea.

Get the fuck out of here, First of all, 90% of girls are going to be like, this is a blank phone. Even if the reflection's perfect, she's going to be like, this phone is off.

What are you talking about? I just tried to do it and like, it just, is turned on like accidentally hit it right because yeah you especially sometimes you move yeah like i wouldn't yeah it just turned on yeah i wouldn't be like oh look there's my reflection in the black mirror i'd be like you handed me a blank phone they'd be like oh who's that your gay partner i know it's my dead friend my dead friend all like, alright, I'm out of here. Who's that? It's my two kids. I'm a single dad. Let's have sex. I like the hormone monster. Let's have sex.

Anyway, this pickup line is terrible. If you have something called a pickup line, it stinks. It stinks. And even like... Coming from somebody who's afraid to talk to people, don't come at me with a pickup line. I'll hate it even more than a high. But you came up with one, the whole like what's your worst – But that's not a pickup line.

But it is – like the thing is once something becomes a pickup line, now it's bad. But you came up with that originally. It works. If it's something that works and everybody knows about it and then they start to put it into practice, it's almost like you – Oh, wait. Which one are you talking about? Like what's your worst date idea it's not a pickup line but that's like you know the push-ups um that was a pickup line that was a pickup line but that's

like social but that worked i mean it's different but that was that worked that was funny that was original then once everyone else figures it out and uses it now it's done you have to be like a hipster with your pickup lines yeah this though this is a whole production that a is physically not going to work and b even if it did work I think she's going to be like that was weird yeah there's no shot this works and if it does work she's an asshole but you know A if you're coming up with that idea

you're an asshole so maybe you have an asshole match have some asshole kids later fucking asshole how'd you meet your mother I fucking made her look at a reflection in an iPhone. Tell that one, Mr. Romantic. I kept moving around the bar all night so she could get right in the perfect light so it sat there fucking reflected at the phone. Shut up!

Stupid! Use pickup lines. Just say hi. Imagine someone came up to you and had a pickup line. I'm thinking of a guy, like a stoolie. He's like, bro, I have no idea because my brain doesn't work like pickup lines and i was like dude can't wait was that like a canned like material like you got that ready to go you came to me with a i would like like that used to be like a black mirror episode where it's

like roles are reversed and that let's come up with like some bar idea where guys go out and girls have to like like the reverse bumble girls have to go hit you with the pickup line. I would love to just live that way. I would love to get catcalled and pickup lined for one night and just see how it goes. I'll go for one night and then I'm out. Eddie, you know what? Probably not even one night. Yeah.

I just want to have them once. Because I'd be like, I'll have sex with you. Let's go. And there is the difference. See, I don't think I would. Yes, you would. I mean, if she's hot, yes, you would. If you, well, yeah.

That's what I mean. It's like, you don't have to say anything. But guess what? I'm not getting catcalled by hot people. I'm getting catcalled by fucking 30-year-old guys. Yeah, it sucks. Fuck you, firebag! I've been reading since 09.

Okay, loser. Hey, KFC Fights. I just, you know, I had this nightmare the other night uh that every song that I tried playing on my headphones every song I'd like listen to even when I was like walking around was sung by me like Whitney Houston like instead of Whitney Houston's voice, that's my voice. Like, it's that bad. And I was wondering, like, what do you do if that was, like, a real situation? Like, because I'm guessing 90% of the people on this earth are tone deaf and can't hit a note to save their life, just like me.

So I'm curious, what do you guys think you would do in that situation? Like, every song you can listen to was you singing it or rapping it or whatever the hell you guys listen to. So this guy, he had a nightmare where all his, every song he listened to was sung by him. Now, for starters, I thought he

said something by Nate. So that's probably already worse. Oh, it's definitely worse. Like, Nate rapping in your head. Not great. I don't know. I wouldn't, I don't think I'd really. I mean, you're a bad singer. That's absurd to say.

I mean, yeah, you're right. You're a terrible singer. I'm a pretty good singer. You're a. And I will never say never. You're a great showman. You got the face. You got the movements.

The pipes, that's just stink. What are you talking about? That's a pretty good Bieber right there. You know what's funny? Do you want me to do some Mean Girls for you? Yes, please. When I was five, I fell in love. It didn't last.

He ran from me, literally ran from me. And being Kenyan, he ran fast. That song stinks. When I was 10, in love again, this Peace Corps guy. I waited hours inside his tent with flowers. And it made him laugh, which made me cry. It's not bad. That's right, it's not bad.

So clearly you would be okay listening to yourself. I'd be so fucking fine with that. I'd probably like it more. I would probably like myself more than you. If every song was like a Final Breakfast mug and just singing in my head. Yelling into a microphone. I don't know how to sing.

I don't know how to yell into a microphone. I feel like... Isn't it so weird if you just quietly sing along to a song? You can't know how to sing. I don't know how to yell into a microphone. I feel like, isn't it so weird if you just like quietly kind of like sing along to a song, you can convince yourself that you sound good.

Oh. You know, like singing in the shower, like whatever the acoustics are in there, like everybody thinks they sound good. And then if you do

some karaoke or you do something like, I've heard myself like sing back, like even if I'm just listening to the podcast here or there. Oh, I hate my voice.

It's terrible. Yeah, I guess, I mean, now that we break it down like that, I don't like to hear myself talk. If we can't even talk, we're good at talking. I'm trying to sing. I hear myself. I hear my voice.

I'm immediately like, oh, my God, this is the worst. Terrible. I see myself in a video. Yeah. I see a picture, selfie screen. Self-loathing. Everything. I'm like, oh, get out of the way.

Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Yep. So, yeah, I guess it would be hell. It would be a fresh hell. Everyone else can say, I'll pitter-patter around it and I'll pretend I don't accept the praise.

But yeah, you can tell me I'm a great singer. I know. But the fact of the matter is I don't want to listen to myself. Rap, maybe. People can rap. Have you ever done that game? No, I know what you're talking about.

Drunk, we put headphones in. Yeah, no. See, that would be so bad. See, it's so bad. I could fuck. Wait, wait, wait. So people know. So you put headphones on.

You pump the music really loud. You sing so you can't hear yourself, but everyone else in the room can hear you. And they record it. Record that. Tweet it at us. We'll play a game. We'll do this.

Okay. Everyone on KFC Radio will be doing, we'll call KFC Radio karaoke. Okay. And everybody film their friends doing it and we'll retweet them all. And it's going to be hilariously awful. Dude, when I do that, it's not like a regular thing, but when me and my friends do that, we'll probably do it this weekend, to be honest.

Just because they're little friends weekend this weekend going to the vineyard. But when I do that that I wake up people in the morning and I like check their phones delete that shit more than if I like had a sex tape or like taking naked pictures or whatever I'm like yeah whatever happens happens with this I'm like delete that shit off your phone

right fucking now deleted deleted from forever watch you get rid of it forever like smash the phone like I don't trust it. I will put that fucking shit in the microwave and give me lip about this. Delete it. Next voicemail is brought to you by... Next voicemail.

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Hey, KFC. Fight Super Producer BC. I'm kind of drunk right now, and I just need to know, is it fucking insane to call out a guy if they muted you on Instagram? And you out a guy if they muted you on Instagram? And like, you know, for a fact, they muted you on Instagram. Let me know what you think.

I need to know because I kind of want to call this person out. So let me know. How the fuck do you know? I was going to say, you have to know. That's, no. If you call me out for muting your ass on Instagram, I'm like, you're a goddamn fucking psycho. I mean, well, first of all, I will lie and say I didn't.

Yeah. But then you can just be like, well, what was my last post or something like that? Yeah. I don't fucking pay attention. Right. I, you know, I got other people in my timeline. Like how narcissistic to assume, well, they must have muted me because otherwise they'd be interacting, they'd be retweeting, they'd be replying,

they'd be liking it. Like, no, maybe you just stink at fucking Twitter or Instagram. Yeah. Maybe I just don't give a shit about what you post. Just so we're clear, if you think I muted you, I did. Yeah. But if you're on your ex or something like that, I muted you. It's about the argument, though.

It's like, yeah, you're probably right, I did. But you don't know that. And the fact that you're willing to call I did. But you don't know that. And the fact that you're willing to call me out on that is so extremely cocky. You're the type of person I would mute. Fuck you. This reminds me of a fight I got in with my college roommate where he got dumped by his girlfriend because he was cheating. And he was like, this is bullshit.

I can't believe she did this. wow how she's like i wasn't cheating she doesn't know that and i was like you were yeah you are cheating but she doesn't know that yeah it's like it's like in a court of law like but you're guilty but they don't they haven't proven it yeah yeah it's not what you Charlie it's it's it's not what you think it's what you can prove in a court of law exactly though it's. It's like if a girl snoops and she finds something, it's like, well, it's inadmissible. It's a violation of privacy. It's a dentist. Yeah, that's a great one to play.

And you know what? It's like, well, you're hiding everything from me, dude. It's always the girl. Like, back when I was like 18, you know, I did a little snooping. I don't snoop anymore. I go, watertight, watertight, watertight. Don't go looking for what you don't want to find. But, you know, back in the day, day as young as you know uh experimenting with technology and other people's technology

and uh i was a little stupid and it would always be like when a guy does it you always end up apologizing oh yeah i'm like you're right i'm sorry girls girls are are so like such sick psychological manipulators that even in the face of being, like, dead-ass wrong, like, I caught you doing something, they'll play that privacy card and make me feel bad. They'll go, yeah, shit, you're right. I can't believe I've done it. Well, it was a violation. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You know, they'll just be like, fuck, you snooped? Like, you did that? Like, fuck you. And I'm like, oh, yeah, fuck me. You're right. I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have done that.

It's like, I found videos of you fucking another person, but somehow I'm apologizing? What the hell is that? Yep. Today, John and Kevin are easily manipulated because of emotional problems. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're right. That was on me.

I'm such an asshole. I apologize. What was the question here? Can you call someone out for muting you? The answer to me is a resounding no, because you're going to look like a fucking asshole. Yeah, you're going to look like a psychopath. Just mute them back. I was actually disappointed with my muting.

I looked at my Twitters, how many people I've muted recently. How many you at? What do you think? I thought it was going to be more. I feel like you're probably at like 1,000. Three. 3,000? Holy shit.

You thought it was going to be higher? Yeah, I thought it was going to be five at least. Pissed. Let me... I feel like... Because you can't block somebody. Because blocking just gives that satisfaction. How do I find my mutes?

Let me see. When you block someone... I mean, I can't be more than like a few hundred. I'm definitely under 500. Have you ever seen that stuff where you have 394 for you? Yeah. Okay. That makes sense.

Can I see the list? Yeah. If you hit me, it usually counts. Where you have like- Oh, wait. Real quickly. This is very funny. I have a troll.

I have many troll accounts that just hound me about my personal life. That's the only reason they're in existence. And there's this one that is Charles Barkleyley and he's got charles barkley as the picture he's like charles and then it's like two seven nine two six four two three four five and i and i he's been banned because he like harasses me so much and he just keeps coming back with new iterations of charles barkley and someone tweeted at him thinking he was the real charles barkley and he like replied to that person and was like, uh,

let me just see if I can find it. Cause it was very, it was actually like kind of funny the way that, yeah. Uh, so, so Capricorn diva tweeted, I'm in Alabama,

Mr. Barkley. Cause he's always like, he's an Alabama guy. I was just wondering if you were still going to pledge $1 million to Alabama to start up black companies for black women. I would love the opportunity to present my business plan to you. And my troll just replies,

wrong Charles. I'm here to let everyone know that KFC is a piece of shit. That actually kind of cracked me up. Like this guy is like, uh, nope, not that Charles Barkley. See,

that's why I like what you just did. I'd never do. Cause you don't, you don't give your enemy content. And an ex is an enemy. Yes, absolutely. Someone who would mute you is an enemy. I got in a fight with someone on Twitter this weekend who called me a dork.

And I just, I quote tweeted them and made fun of them. Twitter's war. And he was like, oh, Feinberg would have gotten the joke. We should have some fun on Twitter. But Twitter's not fun. No. Social media is not fun. No.

What we are here is we are at war. Yeah. We are at technological war we're fighting, I'm fighting with everybody I'm fighting for retweets, I'm fighting for respect I'm fighting for everything this is not fun, there's nothing fun about it it might be a fucking game for you, this is my fucking life

this is my livelihood, this is the same thing with sports like oh why don't you just enjoy the Mets, no I don't enjoy the Mets I don't like baseball it's a fucking just part of me that I have to deal with this is not fun I'm contractually oblig have to deal with. This is not fun. I'm contractually obligated to be on Twitter. This is like your dad making you go to a game when you didn't feel like it. Yeah.

In theory, baseball's fun. I don't want to be in the game tonight. I want to watch Salem watch TV. I don't want to be on Twitter. But I have to be. And you motherfuckers, you and Charles Barkley and all these other assholes make it terrible. You guys, you might think of Twitter as a hobby, something you do when you're bored you're fired up it's my life it is not a joke it's a war if you if i have you muted you're an enemy and i'm never going to give you the

satisfaction of having a block so you can put in your stupid fucking bio blocked by feidelberg no you're getting your ass muted and that's it we're not triggered at all last voicemail of the day is brought to you by SeatGeek. You want to go see Tim Meadows when he's performing? You want to go see any of your other favorite comedians? You want to go see your favorite team? Not me. I don't want to go see my favorite team

because my favorite teams, I fucking hate them. But if you're one of these people who likes the teams you root for, you want to go buy tickets, the best way to do it is to use the SeatGeek app. It has all the tickets available on the secondary market and an easy to read chart where you find the event, you find your seat, you click purchase, bingo, bango, bongo. You got yourself a pair of tickets and it's the best price possible because they put out full transparency. You know

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When they asked it But what would you say Is the minimum age To start giving up On literally everything In terms of physical appearance And just being social And things like that

I just turned 23 I'm a fat fuck who's Devolving into literally nothing and just being social and things like that. I just turned 23. That's not 23. I'm a fat fuck who's devolving into literally nothing, and I keep having this thought, you know what, you should recover now. You still got a couple years left. But on my right is a diving board deciding whether or not I should just stop. Just start staying in on all the weekends. Eat whatever the fuck I want. Just evolve into my final form of piece of shit.

And I just want to know what age is acceptable. Do I have to wait two or three more years or is it acceptable to do it now? Dude, I love the, my final form. Live my life, whatever. I'm not that depressed yet, but in terms of being in shape, caring about being social. I'm not depressed yet. I disagree with him. First of all, it's definitely not 23, but I'm not at that age yet.

I'm not at the age where I've accepted my grossness. I don't think you should never be at that age. I don't think that age should exist. I don't think there should be an age where whether or not you do anything about it is different. Momentally to accept it. When I look in the mirror, I think you're a piece of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do think there's a difference if you're a fat person. This guy's fat. When you're fat, it's over. That's fine. This guy can give up.

He's fat. We're not fat. We're not in shape. We're not fat people. You feel me? Yeah, you're right. So there's a difference. There's a chance that I

could get skinny. If I really put it together. Yeah. And not even that. It Like there's a chance that I could get skinny. If I really put it together. Yeah. Like, and not even that it's not, it's not that far fetched for me. Like if I just like stopped eating terrible and went to the gym a little bit, I would be in not great shape. I'm not talking like pop the top off and bitches are going to ooh and ah.

I'm just saying I would be like skinny. If I was fat, I would give up. Yeah, that's true. So there is a message to all the fat people out there. Give up on your life. If you're already fat at 23, it's probably, you have to embrace your fatness. Like, I'm going to be the funny fat guy.

Let's just be real here. If you're like skinny fat, you're in between, I don't think you should give up. There should be no giving up. You fight that battle until you're dead. Right. You always got to have that glimmer of hope, that light at the end of the tunnel. And I think even a fat person needs that. I think you're like, look, I could do it.

That's all you need. That's all you need in life is just the possibility. I mean, it's funny because it is doable. Like, if you just burn more calories than you take in, you're gonna lose some weight, bro.

It's mathematics. You can do it. Everybody can do it. I don't wanna hear that fucking genetics shit. Genetics will stop you from being, like I said, Channing Tatum. But genetics ain't gonna stop you

from just not being morbidly obese. Yeah, you could... You know what's a real motivator? And I don't mean this as a ricochet shot, but I see Frank the Tank out there losing some pounds. I'm like, yo, Frank the Tank can shed 20. I got to lose 20. Come on. Well, it's easier for Frank. It is, but all things considered,

it's not easy for Frank to get out there and move around and shit. So if Frank can be doing it, I can do it too. You're an inspiration, Frank. Keep it going. I think that the bigger thing is giving up on, forget about your weight, giving up on life. I'm not going to go out. I'm not going to try to meet people and talk to people. You should not be doing that at 23. No. 23, you should be rip-roaring, ready to go. Literally 23.

College is whatever. Now you're living. Hopefully you have a job. You're living life. You should be like, I'm going out all the time. want to meet people i want to get a promotion i want to like just find a good job you should be like living by that point but i think uh i think i think i think you can give up like at like 50 if you're still struggling like just go do hard drugs until you're dead at that point yeah i think i think i probably stopped like really caring about going out like 27 but there's a difference between like i don't want to go out anymore and like i would love to go out but i just i'm not i'm terrible at it people don't like me i'm not even going to try there's a difference yeah you know if you just like i don't like crowded bars and hangovers that's fine if it's like i'm too afraid to like talk to people because they don't like me

and you just give up like that's not good I just kept working through that until 27 and then I was like you know that's enough of that I'm telling you that 27 mark we'll see what Logan does with it you either accept things or you kill yourself I still think it was different for me though because like you and Dan would like not shame me but like give you shit be like you should be out

there like you're no no the opposite you're still going out like yeah I love it like yeah like what are you a 12 year old like no i guess and then i i mean like barcelona always does barcelona aged me very quickly where i went through like well i mean it's weird barcelona so weird it's the worst place it's the worst drug so bad it's like it's like falling in the house of wonderland where it's like everyone's so addicted to it and their employees included. Bro, I was talking about

on the radio the other day, it's like all I talk about. It's like when you get together with friends because they like it, they read it, they're interested in it. It's more interesting

than your job at the hospital or at the law firm. So we just talk about it incessantly. And then it's like, all right, I'm going to make an effort to not talk about Barstool. I have nothing to talk about.

And I just am dead silent. And then you know what the hardest part is? Talking to people because like we were talking about how we live on the internet and how we live like that's our livelihood

and shit like that talking to people about just things like my mom talked to me about something that happened three days ago that's old fucking news

I've talked about that on four different shows and it's also very it's also very hard to be like I'm going to talk to you about this like story about politics

without saying oh I wrote a blog on that the other day or like oh on my podcast I said this it's like, oh, on my podcast, I said this. It's like, well, I've already done this, and I do it on a much bigger scale, and this is personal conversation. Thank you very much. Here's a link. You go ahead.

Have that conversation with me. Read this out loud. Pretend that I said it because I've already done this to 100,000 people. Thank you very much. Tim Meadows is joining us right now. The interview is brought to you by Robin Hood. It's the investing app. It lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, cryptos, all commission free.

You know what that means, John? It means you don't have to pay anybody. I didn't know what that meant. You know what Bitcoin's at? Like three? 3,800. Lost all my money on that. When we were talking about it, when it was going crazy at Barstool, it was at $19,000.

How about that dickhead who said it's going to go to $500,000? Didn't John McAfee say he would chop his own dick off or something like that? Did he? Look that up. I think it was John McAfee. I think he said he would eat his own dick if it didn't hit $500,000. Now, the thing about that, that's like an Elon Musk thing where it's like, well, it might. Like, we still have infinity years.

So, like, he could be on his deathbed. It's still coming. But somebody definitely said, I'll eat my own dick if it doesn't hit half a mil. John McAfee doubles down, predicts one million. Yeah. Bets his dick on it. What was the exact quote?

I think he said, eat it, which is a very funny thought. He said, eat my dick on national television. I don't even really know what that means, but I love it. That guy's crazy. Did you see he was mixing it up with that girl on Twitter? And she was calling him ugly and shit. And he was like, yeah, but girls don't want to fuck me. And she was like, yeah, but it's only because of your money.

And he was like, I fucking know. No kidding. You got him. You burned him real good. Girls only want to fuck you because of your unimaginable wealth. Burn! He said it was a year ago. It was November 30th, 2017.

He said within three years. So he's only got two years left now. So it's going to go from $3,000 to a million? Get that dick ready. Get the salt and pepper out. Put some butter on that dick, son. Anyway, Robin Hood, you want to buy that? You want to sell all your crypto? Do it now. It's a non-intimidating way for stock newcomers to invest with confidence. And there's no minimums. You don't have to be a big kahuna to be throwing around cash. You can buy whatever

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all that kind of stuff to help build your portfolio. Sign up at barstool.robinhood.com. That's barstool.robinhood.com. Start investing. All right. Special edition of KFC radio. Uh, we were just talking with my guy,

Tim Meadows here. He, he was one of the very first guests in the new, now old, barstool office. And you made your return here. And it seems like it's quite different. I would imagine a lot less full and a lot more clean than it was. Yeah, it was empty. And I literally, like, people were setting up desks when I was here last time.

Yeah. So it's weird to see the zoo. It's a good way to put it, man. Yeah, I guess that's, I guess congratulations are in order. People think congratulations are in order, but are they though? Yeah, I mean, it's just overcrowded and smelly and hot. So congratulations on that. I mean, this studio, when we first started here, I remember being like, wow, I have my

own studio now. This is amazing. And now, I mean, this place sucks. Yeah, this is kind of horrible. I was cutting the walls with an X-Acto knife before. Just slicing it for fun. This is kind of horrible, he says. It's amazing.

Not horrible is your career, sir. And we were talking about, we were just going around the office earlier today. What do you know Tim Meadows from? And the answer is, nobody had the same answer. Oh, wow. It was, you know, I know him from Ladies' Man, and he knew it from SNL, and he knew it from Mean Girls, and he knew it from your guest appearance on The Office.

Now, like, that's, I know all of Tim Meadows' work, but is it weird? Do you run into people like that who it's like, look, I know Ladies' Man, I know SNL. I've seen it all. But for some reason, when I think Tim Meadows, the first thing I think is Baby Back Ribs. The client. It's very funny. No, it is.

It's weird. And I guess that's because I've been doing it for a while. So there's different things that you know me from. And there's been times when there's kids who are now adults that know me from the Even Stevens movie. Oh, yeah. This guy's shaking his head. Yeah. Wow.

They go, oh, he was the evil guy in the Even Stevens movie. Wow. But, yeah, you know, I mean, I feel lucky that I've had a long career and that I've worked pretty consistently um and i i feel like you know uh part of it is part of it is i don't want to be more famous than i am like i'm good i'm good yeah i'm already rich you already know me i'm set i don't need it to be any worse i've seen it how it is for people that are more famous than me yeah and i don't want it that's a a great, I think I'm going to like subscribe to that. I'm going to be like,

I want to be Tim Meadows famous in life. That's perfect. Like when people know you, I don't, I don't think there's a single person in the world who dislikes Tim Meadows. Whoa. I have never met anyone who's like,

that fucking Tim Meadows, fuck that guy. Well, cause you're not on social media. I, I Twitter a little bit. I start to block everything. You have a twitter?

I have a twitter yeah Leon Phelps is my twitter Handle You know That's like a CB radio term Handle But yeah I don't engage as much

As I used to It's a lot of anonymous assholes out there. Yeah, man. You know what I mean? Yeah, buddy. They can hide behind the pictures and everything else and say whatever they want. What happened really one day was I got up one morning and I was very happy. I was in a great mood.

And then I saw a negative comment from somebody from a stand-up show that I had done the previous weekend. And then I was just like, wow. Like, as I remember it, it was a good show and people were happy. And this dude said one negative thing and it ruined my day. And I started thinking as the hours passed that I let some stranger in somewhere, I don't even know where in the world. You know, who he is, what he is, who he's about who's also gone on with

his day, you know? Hasn't thought about it at all. And I let it ruin my day and then I said that was it. No more I will never let this happen again. That's smart. That's kind of the approach I try and take because I also know that that stuff affects me so I just try and not block it out.

But people find that so hard to try and not block it out. But people find that so hard to do. That's a skill. Me and you are talented folks. You know what? I'm not even going to read the shit that says I suck because I know it'll fuck me up. Yeah. And also people, that's what they want. It's like it makes their day to

get a reaction from you. It's like, oh my god, Tim Meadows is angry at me. Yeah. Mission accomplished. But I mean, it you. And it's like, Oh my God, Tim Meadows is angry at me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like mission accomplished. Yeah, exactly.

But I mean, it's ridiculous when it's like, you know, when people, somebody's knocking us, it's one thing and you're not going to Tim Meadows has been in a billion movies and he was on SNL and everybody loves him. Like I said,

it's like, well, you're just being ridiculous. Again, there's nobody that doesn't like Tim Meadows. I want to find these one or two people on Twitter, and I want to talk to them. Because they're the only people on the planet who have some sort of problem with you, man. My ex-wife's attorney would probably put her at the top of this.

And legally, I have to say, she's a great person. That's hitting close to home. Oh, yeah. We can talk off air. So SNL was... Oh, actually, I'm sorry. I had to follow up there. We were talking about anonymous pranksters and stuff like that.

I saw a video of you recently. You were a prank caller. Yes. Do you think that the prank caller... Wait, what does that mean? You're a prank caller. It's like your thing. caller... Wait, like, what does that mean? Like, you're a prank caller. It's like your thing. It's like, yeah.

You got a degree in it. Well, it was the interview with you and Seth Meyers and you were discussing your time at SNL and when you prank called David Schwimmer on radio. And I was like,

you know what? That's kind of... You revealed yourself at the end. You're a troll. But trolls are just a... Son of a bitch. Almost a more profane, less talented, worse version of a prank call, which I used. You're a troll. But trolls are just a... Son of a bitch. Almost a more profane,

less talented, worse version of a prank call, which I used to love as a child. Oh, yeah. But now I've grown to hate trolls. Yeah. You're a troll, Tim. But prank phone calling

is more for the comedy of it. Yeah. Whereas trolling somebody just to make them anger, you know, is different, you know? But yeah, I used to... That was how I developed Ladies' Man. Literally, it was like doing summer stock for an actor like i took time i got to know the voice and get really confident

in doing it and i could call my goal when i was due when i would do prank phone calls to radio stations my goal wasn't to like say something dirty and get hung up on. My goal was how long can I keep them on the phone and keep the conversation going. And so like my most fun was when I would call like a community show or a political show and just be like yeah listen I think the taxes are high

you know they're like 7% of something. I can't afford this. What do you think death editor? I was like okay if I can keep this conversation going, then this is successful. Yeah, it's an art form. Yeah. I remember the the jackass guys before they were on TV were like huge prank call guys. They were just moronic.

Yeah. I always got a kick out of that, too. Jerky boys, all that stuff. I mean, classic. I was so jealous of the jerky boys. They are the kids, right? That's the gold standard of those are probably some of the first things I ever downloaded on like Napster. Yeah.

Almost like how they always say the stories are, you know, people pass around porn tapes and stuff like that. Really? That doesn't happen. But in my elementary school, it was, you pass around a Jerky Boys tape. Yeah. And like you'd have it in your Walkman and stuff like that. Right. You guys, like every once in a while, you'd be lucky enough to have

it at recess. So like everyone would be playing tag and you're just sitting in the corner laughing. I'll be like, you'd spend, you guys, like every once in a while you'd be lucky enough to have it at recess so like everyone would be playing tag and you're just sitting in the corner laughing with your yellow Walkman. I'll be good over here. Oh, the yellow one. The yellow Sony Walkman

was the best. I just broke mine out not too long ago. Did you? I found my old Sony Walkman and it worked for like maybe 10 minutes. Yeah.

And then it immediately broke. What tape did you have? I had the Beastie Boys license to, no, no, no. Check your head. It was in the... In the tape right here.

It was already in there. That's gotta be so cool. That's like almost a cooler version of finding $5 in your pocket. Almost like it's a flashback in time. Take you right back

to that moment. I feel like I need to get a Discman now with my new rollerblading. This is just ridiculous. John, I keep forgetting. John is just rollerblading for life now.

I tried to ignore you in the hallway. I was like, no, this is Tim. I try to ignore him every goddamn day. What brought those out? It was, um,

he's an idiot. I was gonna say asshole, but yeah, I'm, I'm an idiot. Asshole. It was, uh,

someone tweeted it. Uh, Jay Caspian King, who's a writer for New York times, uh, actually did a piece on us a while ago. Um, he tweeted two nights ago that like rollerblading deserves another shot because it's not as lame as things that are big now, like scooters and stuff like that, like Bird.

And I said, you know what? I kind of agree with that because when I was a kid, Rollerbladers were kings. It was like I'd go to like – Well, I wouldn't say kings. Kings. Tim, I will. I'm saying kings. We went to –

You know, they were somewhat respected, I guess. We were titans of the school yard. I'm saying Kings. You know, they were somewhat respected, I guess. We were titans of the pool of the schoolyard. We were above Kings. We're not titans. We are gods. You, like, you tell your friends, like, hey, you know, like, Highland Ave just got paved. Let's go shred. Oh, that was the best.

Right? And you go, like, go to the new recess yard and get paved. Oh, buddy. And it was, like, yo, like, everyone used to always have, always have birthday parties at roller rinks and as a kid who could rollerblade the girls loved me they were like I want to skate with John he can skate backwards and I decided I'm done being

beaten down do you know the hardest part of rollerblading stopping telling your parents you're gay that was that was a big joke For a long time And I think that

A lot of rollerbladers Went into hiding Because of it I'm busting out Of the closet baby That's funny To have To have like

An athletic You know Activity like that That has actually been like Shamed Shamed Yeah Out of existence

Right Have you ever seen A rollerblader There was probably some Like rollerblading companies Who were like, what happened? We had it all. And then someone called rollerblading gay and we were screwed. I was talking to Gay Pat about it, a guy who works here who's gay.

And if you didn't pick up on that one, he said, yeah, the homosexual community took a real hit when we got associated with rollerblading. That's how bad it went down. That was the thing to turn down. That was the thing that turned people into rollerbladers. I can accept a gay but not a gay rollerblader. Forget it. I mean, it was a cultural thing. You had Brink, you had Airborne,

you had, you know what else started the downfall of it? Fucking Frankenstein and Big Daddy throwing sticks and picking on rollerbladers. That was a tough one to swallow for the rollerblading community. Was that like a video or people being tripped in roller skates? Yeah, in the Adam Sandler movie. And then everyone realized they could do it.

These goddamn trolls, man. They're everywhere. But also just the equipment that you wear with, like, if you're not a professional. The wrist guards. Yes. It's just knee guards and elbow guards. I'm declining to wear any of that. I'm throwing my body to the elements.

I can't wait till your wrists are torn up. That's the worst. You know, the dangerous thing is, too, is that people try and hit you. Like we were just saying. Cars? YP has been popping out from behind doors trying to hit me. Well, wait till you get on the streets with the cyclist. Oh, I can't wait to run a little bit.

Hold on. Watch out, buddy. Well, congratulations on bringing back a fat. Thank you very much. That with the cyclist. Oh, I can't wait to roll a little bit. Watch out, buddy. Well, congratulations on bringing back a fat. Thank you very much. That's my first congratulations. I was going to say, you really came in at the exact moment where he is. He's really revved up about this rollerblade thing. Yeah, I mean, we're indoors, and he has them on.

That's a commitment. He's going to take a shower with them tomorrow. Who knows? I got to take elevators, which is a pain in the ass here. Stairs are so much easier, but I don't know. We'll get the talent up a little bit. Maybe you can get you a ramp or something, like a ramp that goes right from the window to your office down to the street. Well, I'm not good at ramps.

When I was younger, I always wanted to hang out at the skate park because I thought that's where the cool kids hung out. That's where all the people smoked weed and stuff like that. And they do. Yeah, I was right. I knocked it out of the park. But I realized at a very... The moment I ever stepped on a skateboard, I realized all these are impossible.

I'm not going to be a skateboarder. I couldn't mess with any of that stuff. That was not my scene. I tried to be an RB guy. I can't drop in. Could drop into the half bike. I'm the same. I could skateboard a little when I was younger in Detroit. It was not a big thing. I could actually get up on the board. I could skateboard a little when I was younger in Detroit. It was not like a big thing, but I could actually get up on the board.

I could turn around. I can't even stand on one and push with the other. I'm out on the whole skateboard scene to me. But the thing that was really great was I ended up teaching my kids how to do it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I was telling them, I don't know how to do tricks and stuff, but I can teach you basics, like, you know, how to stay up on the board, how to, like, stay on flat surfaces. And they took to it.

They did great. Really, really good. And then they got older. And then they had friends who could skateboard. And then they started hanging out with skateboarders. And I was like, oh, wait a second. No, I didn't want this to happen. You gave them the real gateway drug right there

it was like oh yeah this dude looks like he gets stoned all the time so your time at SNL was if you had to sum up SNL give me a one word summary of your time there life changing is two words I'll give it to you

I feel like that is probably for many people. It's like the tipping point or the point of inflection where you're just an actor on a sitcom and you go in you learn your lines you you don't learn how to produce television you just learn how to become an actor yeah but like snl being my first job you learn how to produce sketches you you know you have an opinion of the stuff that you that you write and perform and so having that as a first job was like an amazing gift to have you know because it was a completely different education so now you're doing no activity yes which is uh it's so it's cbs but it's cbs all access right so you can you can let it fly yes you can which i i would imagine that surprised me it is i mean yeah i mean they, like, make it edgier since they had the opportunity to have this streaming service. And this is the first sitcom that they've done on CBS streaming.

So it is a little bit different from what you would expect from CBS. I like that. I feel like it's almost going to be, like, a surprise. You see the little CBS eye logo, and you're used to these normal sitcoms. Yeah. And, you know, Detective Tolbeck comes in. He's like, fuck you. Something like that.

I want to hear. I can watch this. Yeah. Yeah. Season one, you had it's a Will Ferrell's executive producer, right? Yes. And he played a part in season one. You had I saw you had Jake Johnson in there.

Jason Mantzoukas, Amy Sedaris, who I love. I'm a huge fan of the Sedaris family. I'm always trying to get him to read David Sedaris books, but he doesn't like reading. You're good. How did this interview turn to David Sedaris all of a sudden? Well, we got to Amy Sedaris, so we're just going through the list. Some heavy hitters, though, man. It's a great cast.

In each season, there's somebody new, like J.K. Simmons has done both seasons. This season we had Jessica Alba in a couple of episodes. Oh, she's a somebody. She's great. And she, like, surprised everybody as how funny she was and how good she is. We weren't expecting her. We expected her to be funny because was and how good she is. We weren't expecting her. We expected her to be funny because the material was good, but she literally made it better than we could have ever imagined it being.

I highly recommend people listening to check out the show. Cool stuff, man. So it's no activity. You can catch it on CBS All Access, which is online. Yes. And we appreciate you coming through, man. Thanks for having me. This was fun. And congratulations on the new. Roll which is online. Yes. And we appreciate you coming through, man. Thanks for having me. This was fun.

Congratulations on the new. Roll the wedding. Thank you. I agree. All right. Big shout out to Tim Meadows. That's a cool cat. He's just like smooth.

He's just like. He's very, very. It's almost like ladies, man. Like just when he did a little bit. Yeah. It just broke right into it. That was really cool. I love ladies.

Yeah. They just have ladies. And he just dropped right into it. That's why we do some cool shit. I know. I was going to say. It just broke right into it. That was really cool. I loved Ladies' Man as a kid. They just have Ladies' Man doing it. And he just dropped right into it. Might as well we do some cool shit. I know. I was going to say, we were just complaining about it.

It is the greatest drug because sometimes you get high off it like, oh, I'm just sitting with Tim Meadows talking that shit. So thank you to him. We're going to ride out

with a song here. What do we got? Yeah. I mean, it was obviously going to be this one. It didn't last. He ran from me. literally ran from me.

Do you listen to this every morning? Being Kenyan, he ran fast. When I was 10, in love again, this Peace Corps guy. I waited hours inside his tent with flowers, which made him laugh, which made me cry. By 13, I gave up trying. I decided I would be a mathematician. I had a feeling this was going to bang as soon as it dropped. I memorized a lot of pi because addition and subtraction and division would never make me feel so stupid with love.

Like I didn't get it. What is that, a marimba back there? I fuck with that. Xylophones and shit? I could see this being in, like, a Disney movie. Yes. Do you have an eraser? I would love to. This is Chick Ha. They do it perfectly.

She's Lindsay Lohan. Yeah, yeah. She comes out with all the Jackie stuff. And then by the time she turns into Regina George, it's like, oh, shit! She's like someone from TV. He's like that guy who gives out roses to those women. His clothes, his grooming And he's a foot away from me With swoopy hair and shiny eyes

I said that if Your insurance company told our lawyers That if Spitty keeps posting his bad performance