KFC Radio - Timothy Simons, Steve Lemme & Kevin Heffernan, and What If We Had Mating Season

Episode Date: March 28, 2019

Timothy Simons (1:03:08) tells us what his favorite Jonah scene is from Veep, how the writers can't help but insult his appearance and how he gets confused with the 2 other tall white guys in Hollywood. Steve Lemme & Kevin Heffernan (41:27) explain why redheads and Mets fans are the last people to ever get any sympathy, their new show Tacoma FD, and whether firefighters or binge drinkers are the closer brethern. Is Sophie TUrner bisexual? The Office: Survivor, Failure, and Brexit. Voicemails (26:14) include: mating season, condoms in the septic tank, uber to a date, shoot your shot with gym guyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by Roman. What are the old, like, wives' tales that just don't work? If you're not lasting long in bed, think about baseball. Think about stats. Think about your grandma. Baseball just reminds me of coming now. Yeah, well, I think about first base and second base and third base.

I'm like, wait a minute. Is third base oral sex these days or is third base just regular sex? Where do we put ass eating? Is that like fourth base? I'm just thinking about all sorts of sex. Yeah, that's a lot. None of that, by the way, none of that works. You have to start adding bases like softball.

It's like you have the orange first base and the white one. The one base to run through, the other one you stay on. You get all sorts of bases. But guess what? None of it works If you're gonna come You're gonna come It doesn't matter

What you're thinking about If your dick is sensitive And you're enjoying it too much You're gonna come That's why you have to take Like a medical approach to it That's where Roman comes in Roman has created

Premature swipes They're like little Moist towelettes That you rub on your dick And it numbs your dick Numbs it right out But it doesn't like numb it completely It just desensitizes it

Yeah, numbing is probably not the right word to use Right, because you wouldn't, I mean, you want to feel it I'll use a dildo if I rather than a numbed dick What am I going to bring a swift for? There's plenty of better options if I can't feel this at all I'll just bring in another guy Whatever But it just desensitizes it just enough.

And this is not just a one-time thing. If you use this over the course of time, you basically train your dick. So over the course of – It makes sense because it's like training a dog. Yes. It's a treat, right? Yes. Train your dick.

Last longer, big treat. 340%. 340%. 3.4 times longer if you use these consistently for three months. So if you're with your girl and you you know, you can be open about it. If you're hooking up, you want to be discreet about it, whatever, just rip open the wipe and put it on, good to go. You can go to GetRoman.com slash KFC right now and get your swipes.

Free two-day shipping. I stole one. I stole one. I keep it in my wallet. I haven't used it. I have. That's because you haven't had the opportunity? I don't know.

I came with a pack of eight. I only have two left. I don't know who's taking them. I offered to give one to Gaz. He was like, I think I need the opposite. I think I need to be able to feel what's going on. He's like, right now, I'm just pounding sand. I love when the producer just cuts us off

he was like are you done are you done I don't need to talk about guys' dick this is the greatest show double up on the guests again today

we are getting so many good fucking guests we are just doubling up on our shows our shows have gone from like 50 minutes long to a full two hours. Today we got a 90-minute banger for you with Timothy Simons,

a.k.a. Jonah Ryan from Veep, the Cloud Botherer, the 60-foot virgin. Sky Raper. The Sky Raper, the best, one of the funniest guys in the game, and also the Super Troopers. We got Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme from Super Troopers. They're in their new show, Tacoma FD. You saw them on Answer the Internet last month. Today we're airing the interview we did with them.

We have learned that it doesn't matter how many guests we put on, if we have good guests and everyone's funny, everyone's completing the entire episode. We looked at the statistics. We have 85% completion rate, whether our podcast is an hour long or two hours long, whether we have one guest or two guests. Bottom line is, in case the radio listeners loved this show. Shout out to the fans. Shout out to the fucking fans.

I think that might not even mean anything to people. It's a monster number. Just so people know, people usually listen to about 15, 20 minutes of the podcast. We were told, if you were to start a podcast today, you really shouldn't make it anything over 20 minutes. They should be short, consumable, quickly listened to, move on from it type of entertainment. We were like, okay, yeah, well, we're going to add a second guest in another hour. And everybody's still completing our episode.

So highest completion rate out here. You know what we are? Who's got a good completion rate? I was going to say Chad Pennington, but that's not a great – let's call it Tom Brady, whatever. Tom Brady, yeah. Completion rate, baby. That's a good one.

That's a good comp. It's a Tom Brady podcast. It's draft season, so we say comps. It's a good comp. It's a good comp. It's a Tom Brady podcast. It's draft season, so we say comps. It's a good comp. It's a good comp. So another good one. A couple guests coming up in the second half. We start with Sophie Turner because she's bisexual.

No, she's not. She's bisexual, bro. You hook up with a girl. She's not. You hook up with a girl, you bisexual. I hate this. You white, you Ben Affleck. You hook up with a girl, you bisexual.

What happened was what really pissed me off was this fucking headline. The goddamn headline. I mean, respect the hustle was what really pissed me off was the headline. The goddamn headline. I mean, respect the hustle. The same thing with the Justin Bieber headline. Justin Bieber plans to be a father. Justin Bieber's going to be a father. One day, he might have a kid.

Great work. I don't respect that hustle. Great work. That's outright lying. I don't respect that hustle. John. But this wasn't a hustle. The headline was right. But it's just the words in the headline make me mad.

It was Sophie Turner sparked a debate about fluid sexuality, about labeling sexuality. Okay, all right. So wait, just fill me in here. Sophie Turner said that she hooked up with girls? I forget what article. I'm going to guess Vanity Fair. They do articles like this. But it was an interview.

It was about X-Men Dark Phoenix. It was just an interview. She just married Nick Jonas Jonas no But whatever One of the Jonas's And

She said when you meet the one You know Kind of deal She's like you know I've hooked I've dated men She didn't say dated women But she kind of said like

I've experimented with women Okay see that's where We're going to have to figure this out But no but What made me mad is the It sparked A debate about Labeling sexuality And I think this is A guy's fault I think we spent But what made me mad is it sparked a debate about labeling sexuality.

And I think this is a guy's fault. I think we spent so much of the stereotypical guy spent so much time in the, I don't like labels. Let's not do labels. Some things should be labeled. Okay. I don't care what you are, but you're something. So what do you think she is?

Just straight? I think she's straight. I think she's. See, okay. All right, okay, fine. First of all, we need to find out. Did she get a little drunk and make out with a girlfriend at a bar? Whatever. Did she go down on a girl?

If you go down on a girl, you're bi. How about if I suck a dick? Then what? I guess it depends on the situation. If a guy hooks up with a guy more than once. If you want to say she's bi, fine. If she wants to say she's bi, fine. But say you're something.

I'm just a person who exists. Oh, that's fair. That's fair. You're something. You know what I like? Our guy Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek. Pansexual. Just everything.

I just fuck everything. I think he is. Is he a pansexual? I think the character is pansexual. All right, fine. I think Dan is just gay. In general, whoever it is, I associate. How about 2019 with that, just gay?

He's just a dude banging dudes. That's nothing. He's just gay. Pansexual is a great catch-all. I will fuck anything. I will go wrong. If you want to say you're pansexual, that's fine. But you're something.

You got to have a title. Put a label on it. I actually think what it is, is it's just we've strayed so far from being scared of being called gay. It's like, oh, don't label me. I think guys are hot. So fucking what, dude? Would you fuck one? Nobody cares. That's what it comes down to.

Would you not fuck one? Okay, you're straight. They're like, yeah, I think dudes are hot. Don't want to suck a dick. Straight guy. But then, so Sophie Turner, she's like, I think girls are hot. Let's say she went down on some girl. I think if you went down on one, you didn't earn your stripes.

What if you went down on two? Maybe you're like a one-star general in the lesbian army. What if you went down on two? Because I could see you had a night, right? And you're like, whoa, I'm never doing that again. Or like, that was interesting, but that's not for me. When you go back for more, there's something in there. There's something going on.

I guess, yeah. You eat one box. You can label yourself whatever you want, but you're something. I'm with you. Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you pan? Are you bi?

Don't give me that like we don't label it. Fucking label it. Yeah, I would say that. Put a title on it. Put a headline on this blog. I would say that. I'm a lesbian. I am straight. What are you? I would say Sophie Turner is straight, and she's experimented before. That's what I would say that. Put a title on it. Put a headline on this blog. I would say that. I'm a lesbian. I am straight.

What are you? I would say Sophie Turner is straight and she's experimented before. That's what I would say. That's what I would say too. But I think if you go down on two different vaginas, you get the bisexual tag. Slap that on you. I feel like the bisexual tag really went out of vogue. Well, you know what really happened?

I think bisexual is a guy term now. I think that's reserved for guys What does that mean? Because I think girls can fuck each other and it doesn't really matter Wait, does pansexual mean bisexual? I don't know, we're so misinformed I think pansexual I mean, it can't, I mean, what?

If you fuck anything, I mean, it doesn't mean anything Well, no, I bet you pansexual means Bisexual is implying there's only two sexualities Oh, okay So pansexual is probably being very polite to the fact that there's now like 30 different sexualities. So pan means I'll fuck all you. And it still means just basically bi.

That would be my guess from a wildly ignorant white male. No, that's an intelligent guess. I think that checks out. I would say that girls can experiment without necessarily getting hit with a label of lesbian or bisexual. Whereas a guy, if you fuck another dude, even once, you're at least bi. You're probably gay.

I think I would label that maybe bi-curious. Because what if you hated it? What if you're like, oh, fuck, that sucks. True, true. Okay, so if you fucked one guy. You fucked two guys. And you were not two. No, but if you fuck one guy and you're not turned off, you're bi-curious.

If you go back for more, you're bisexual. And then also you're probably just gay. You're gay. It's KFC Radio here. You do anything with your dick that doesn't involve a girl, you're gay. You can be whatever you want. But you're something. But you're something.

But you're something. Don't give me that. We don't label sexuality. No. Label it. I need to know. I need to know what I'm dealing with. A hundred percent.

Fast. Right? You're going to battle. You got to know what I'm dealing with. 100%. Fast. You're going to battle. You got to know what's the enemy. Know thy enemy. Sun Tzu. Hey, lady in a bar. Can I fuck you?

What do you fuck? Yeah, can you fuck? Would you fuck me or would you fuck my sister? I need to know. How much more pressure does that put on a situation if a chick's like, I fuck anything. And then you're like, oh man, this is going to be a tough one. Yeah, I got to compete with like a- That's when you know you're out of your league.

You're playing the fucking – the boss of the level. I mean, listen, I'm – I'll fuck anything. And for some reason, like I'll fuck anything makes you think, well, this is going to be hard for me to fuck. Yes. She just said she'll fuck anything. But she'll fuck anything that's attractive.

But not me. Yeah, she'll fuck attractive things. You're too interesting to fuck me. I'm already worried about how I look in compared to other dudes. My disgusting body has to keep up with the female form? That ain't fair.

If someone tells me they'll fuck anything, it's like, it's like, you're too intellectual. Yeah, yeah. Like, you won't, you won't find me interesting.

I'm too basic. It's like someone who, like, oh, you know, I read The Iliad every year. Yeah. Like, well, you are a different person. How many languages do you speak?

Uh, I speak Meathead. Like, that's it. I speak dumb. That's? I speak Meathead. Like, that's it. I speak dumb. That's what I speak. Let's do, we're going to do a little bit of The Office. Then we're going to do voicemails. Shadow Sophie Turner, though. Good for you.

Good for you. I want to make it clear. And I think we were very clear. We were never insulting anybody here. We're just saying, let's call a spade a spade. Are you a spade or are you not? I'll tell you who's loving this The Game of Thrones people

Great promotion Like my Our super charismatic And very now attractive And old enough star Is now also talking about Hooking up with girls Promotion coming out

I was surprised to see this article Was about the Dark Phoenix though Because I believe Macy Williams Was on the cover with her Well they're probably just talking About everything that they're in I think Sophie Turner Is one of these things where she's one of the few people, like, we've seen her go from, like, a girl to a woman, and, like, it's all good.

Like, usually child stars get weird, and, like, she's just grown up. She's very pretty and very cool. Was she a child star, though? I feel like child stars, you've got to be, like, eight. Yeah, you've got to be sub-ten, right? Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. All right, let's do The Office, my favorite new segment here on Case Radio.

It's brought to you by Scentbird. Cologne. Cologne is, let's do The Office, my favorite new segment here on Case Radio. It's brought to you by Scentbird. Cologne. Cologne is, let's be honest, cologne's classy. Cologne's for the rich people. I put cologne on. Cologne's for the affluent. I came in. Luckily, I have a couple of vials of Scentbird in my desk.

I came in maybe two weeks ago, soupy-doopy hungover. Soupy-doopy hungover. And I was like, I didn't need a time to shower. And I mean, I wasn't out partying the night before. I had one too many whiskeys and it was just a tough one. Coming out of your pores. Yeah. And so I just gave myself

two spurts. I haven't worn cologne since Scentbird. And I'll tell you what, saviors. Not only was no one like, oofof you smell like a brewery People were like You smell delicious Right

I was like oh yeah Putting good smelling things on Makes people say You smell good Like girls Girls smell good all the time It's like why don't we Just do that too

Yep Uh and also You know but you go And you buy a fucking Bottle of cologne That's like A hundred thousand ounces And it just sits on your shelf

And you paid way too much money for it You don't use the whole thing Scentbird Makes it small Uh Small size vials So you can try out different scents, and you don't have to overbuy. You don't have to let it sit on your shelf. You can try out a little Ferragamo.

You can try out a little Prada. You can try out a little Gucci. All of these very, very fancy brands that I'm sure if you buy the full bottle cost like a zillion dollars. Well, now you get to just sample what works out to a 30-day supply. You get 120 sprays, which means four times a day for a month. To be honest, you're going to go two. You're going to go two in the morning.

Maybe if you go out at night, you do two more. But for the most part, it's even more than a month because you're not going to do four sprays a day. So you're going to get a long-lasting sample of many different brands in many different scents. 450 to choose from, to be precise. Scentbird.com. S-C-E-N-T bird.com slash KFC. You get 50% off your first month. That means your first cologne for just $7.50.

That's practically free. Scentbird.com slash KFC. Give me my numbers. Number four. Fuck. Four is a tough one, folks. Number two. No, no, no.

We can't fucking change the rules here, right? Number four. Tommy Smokes. Oh, jeez. Survivor. Survivor, I can't believe people still follow Survivor. It's like season 32. Yeah, but same thing with The Bachelor. But I mean, Survivor, of all the game shows in the world,

every game show now gives away a million dollars. Why do you want to go live on a fucking deserted island? It was a million dollars in 1997. It should be away a million dollars. Why do you want to go live on a fucking deserted island? It was a million dollars in like 1997. It should be like 15 million now. But no inflation with Survivor. None. And like just try being a different game show. This is the hardest game show to win money.

You're in the middle of fucking nowhere. You got to deal with people. People are trying to vote you off. People, you can't read people, right? Just fucking go on. Who wants to be a millionaire? Why are you trying to go on this fucking show? Go on Wheel of Fortune.

You can be mentally retarded and win like $250,000 in a half hour of work. You don't have to go live on a deserted island for like a month. You spin a wheel. You yell some letters. You take a guess, and you're walking away with like a quarter mil. And it's not even like it's one of those things where're kind of the challenge and the real world where it's an investment of time those shows produce stars yep the only person i ever know who was ever on survivor is richard hatch and that's that's because he had like a mansion in newport and

went to jail dude that guy by the way he like embezzled a little bit of money then he went to jail for four years really they gave him 48 months i remember when that happened they were like there's this guy, there was another case that fucking, check this out, there was somebody who like, it was like manslaughter, it wasn't on purpose,

but there was someone who like killed a guy and he went for like 36 and this dude just like smuggled a little money and he gave Jeff a four. How much? I mean,

he only had a million dollars, how much could he have That's what I'm saying. It was like, god damn, they took that fucking fat guy and he had like a dent in his stomach,

he had like a Will Ferrell dent in his stomach. Can you name one single other Survivor person? It's like American Idol. I know Jeff Probst. That's it. People in American Idol stand out online. Jesus Christ.

In line. Yeah, buddy. Stand out in line. Eye in line. Oh, yeah. It has begun. It has begun. They stand in line for fucking months.

Hey, oh, it's Johnny from New York. I'm going to stand in line. And it's like, you're a wicked idiot if you do that. But it's crazy because the same thing with American Idol. Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood. Who was next? Ruben Stoddard? No, fuck that.

There's no one else who's ever done anything. Don't go on these shows. There are so many game shows. There's a game show network. There are tons and tons of game shows to go on. Don't go live in some fucking island off Australia where there are spiders of size eight-legged freaks who are going to eat you. Preach.

Right? You're going to go fight alligators? Nah. I'm not doing any of that. Get sunburns? Fuck you, Tommy Smokes. That's the worst part of all this. Guess what?

Tommy has a three-episode suspension from The Office. I mean- Number two. Fucking number two. This one comes from our girl Ellie Schnitt. Before we get to the topic, shout out Ellie Schnitt this weekend. Fucked. And, I mean, she tweeted it.

It wasn't like- Yeah, she said like some dude in my bed, right? She said that she had sex and then made the guy go through a skincare routine in the morning. I love how she thinks she made this guy do it. If this guy didn't want to do it, he'd leave the fucking house. He's bigger than you, Ellie. He wanted to go through a skincare routine. If I woke up in the morning with a girl and she's like, you want to go through my routine?

Fuck yes. That guy wanted to, like, spruce up his skin, and he wanted to fuck you again, Ellie. Good job. You did a good enough job. Hell yeah. That's better than breakfast in bed. Anyway, congratulations, Ellie. Good job. You did a good enough job. Hell yeah. That's better than breakfast in bed. Anyway, congratulations to Ellie. She had a success this weekend, but she said failure.

Oh, Ellie's in a good spot. Failure. Guy really put it down. Guess what? Huge part of life. Massive, massive part of life. More often than not, you're going to fail. I think, but failure is still so terrifying.

There's actually a question on my AMA was like, what's your greatest success and your greatest failure with Barstool? You actually – I wasn't able to answer it. I was like, I don't think I've had either. You were like actually giving great answers. One and the same. Saturday for the boys. Yeah.

It was your biggest success. It was a million-dollar, bajillion-dollar line, and you got $10,000 out of it. I actually loved the – All right. I don't need that laughter. First time Brandon cracks a smile this whole goddamn episode. Suck a dick, fucking asshole. I loved – I actually don't like talking about it because I feel like almost Dave or everyone can take it as a subtweet because I do think it's funny.

I do think – I actually do not think I deserve more than I got, maybe a little more than I got, but, like, I don't think I deserve,'t think i deserve like a percentage of like it was my job to create popular things that's what i do one caught on big time right yeah um and uh but i like think making fun of it but i've had like dave be like what are you mad about no but i like making fun of myself about it of course and i wanted to quote tweet cardi b the other day shout out cardi b you're in some trouble but uh i don't think she is, to be honest. I don't think... Well, she actually had an apology.

She tweeted an apology. Uh-huh. I mean... Sorry for robbing y'all N-words, whatever. Just, just, like, terrible. I mean, a shocking, shockingly horrible grammar. Like, she doesn't talk about her past life. It's her past life.

And, like, she doesn't say, and she says, and. And it's just... I mean, this is your apology for drugging... Yeah, but you know what? ...and robbing people. That shit's authentic, bro. You didn't even... Nobody else wrote it. I do shout out that. She says and. And it's just – I mean this is your apology for drugging and robbing people. That shit's authentic, bro. Nobody else wrote it.

I do shout out that. That is nice. But she's also like – she raises a fair point where it's like rappers talk about murder and stuff they had to do to survive back in the day. That's what I did too. I actually don't put in my music because I don't feel the need to glorify it, but I was talking on live, and it's just what I did. And I honestly – I think it's a fair assessment. I also – I mean if a girl robs a guy, I just don't put it in my music because I don't feel the need to glorify it, but I was talking on live, and it's just what I did. And I honestly think it's a fair assessment. I also – I mean, if a girl robs a guy, I just don't care. But it's also like –

I just don't care. It's just – Don't rob me, Garth. If it's the promise of sex, the sex stuff is just – sex stuff is worse than murder. In 2019, we've talked about this before, how words just mean different things. In 2019, murder is not as bad as sexual assault mostly that's just the way it is i mean in the public eye in the legal eye it's still different but publicly speaking it's not as bad i mean it's worse um but anyway she had before this broke she

had a instagram story live whatever because she was copywriting okay and she's like and y'all bitches want to get on me like all the the, all the guys out there saying, okay, they want me to go on commercials. Okay. Every, every interview I do, they want me to say,

okay. And you think I'm not going to make money off it. I'm going to get the bag. I'm going to secure all the bags. And I was like, I watched my cool team, like smart move. Yeah.

Very smart move. Very smart play. Like, like that's a non-failure. Yeah. That was a non-failure. That's a woman. She failed a lot.

Like now she's got the chance to not fail and she's never going to fail again. But for the rest of us, we're going to fail all the time. Yeah. Every fucking time. So just get over it. Don't even make a big deal out of it. But it is. And that almost felt like an advice ask from Ellie.

And I was just arguing with Nate about this. And you were involved as well. Don't come to me with advice. Advice is stupid. You know what the right thing to do is. Of course. You know you're going to fail. You have to be a fucking moron to not be able to give advice.

Everybody can give advice. What should I do? You be a great personon to not be able to give advice. Everybody can give advice. What should I do? You be a great person. Work hard. Give to others. Like, fucking take care of important people. But even that, like. I'm fucking kidding.

Like, hey, it gets better. I'll treat you like a gay teenager. It gets better. Probably doesn't. It'll get better. Like, you'll get over it. You won't. Number one.

Oh, buddy. Oh, crap. I don't have a good mood today. I smacked myself in the dick earlier. Number one from the EIC. What do you think the EIC wants to talk about? Birthday parties? No.

Brexit. Brexit. Brexit. All right. This is sabotage, bro. This is Keith trying to set us up for failure. Can't do it. You a Brexit guy?

I love Brexit. Brexit's my favorite thing that's happened maybe in the world in the last few years. Big Brexit guy. Brexit. Most important deal of the day. It's hilarious. It's the nastiest divorce you'll ever see. Yeah, big time.

It is. Big time. This happened. Beg to differ. Agree to disagree. We is. Big time. This happened. Beg to differ. Agree to disagree. We're on year three. This was three years ago. All right.

I'm halfway there. This is year three of them, and they're asking for extensions of the European Union. It's like, suck a dick, bro. You better get your house. Pack your bags. Get your house of commons in order, motherfucker. I just love how it's just a horrible idea, right? It's going very poorly. I believe it passed in, I think, summer 2016.

Because I remember it was 2016 because then Europe was like, hey, America, don't fuck up like Britain did. And we're like, bitch, watch me. That was an internet cliche. Europe, hold my beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. fuck up like like britain did we're like bitch bitch watch me that was a that was that was a internet cliche europe hold my beer yeah we just did it way worse than you man but yo europe you should build a wall around that motherfucker um but the uh but so it was like around 2016 and i think they had until march 12th something like that, to get their shit together. And I believe it was – I love Brexit. I think it was the worst vote in history, like the most lopsided vote in British history,

which is the world. I mean, that's the oldest history. All of the time. Yeah. In British history. I mean, granted, now coming the McNancy and the Europeans. China doesn't count. The Romans and the Greeks, all that, fuck all that.

Europe. Modern world. Modern world history is the oldest possible. Yeah. And it was the biggest lobster, I think it was like, it was like 400 or 200.

Just like, like, like, like, nope, that's not the way we're going to exit. And so then they got an extension to, I believe, this Friday. Oh boy.

And, and now Theresa May, who's the prime minister, This motherfucker. It is, it's like, it was news today today I'm sure that's why Keith said it too I actually looked at it this morning And it was, Theresa May is like Yo, if you guys please

Just agree to this I'll quit She's like, if you guys just sign this referendum I promise I will leave earlier than I promised before. Will you just turn your key, please? I think it's 11 p.m. Friday night. It's got to be decided by. Ain't no way they're agreeing to that.

It's the best. It's the best. It's the best. It's already so bad for the country. I don't know why I'm laughing so much. It's already so bad. Every economist in the world is like, this is the worst fucking idea ever.

It's just like, please let us go and I'll leave. It's the best. And Theresa May is just like, please let us go and I'll leave. It's the best. I fucking love Brexit. I've never seen it like this. I've never seen it like this.

I love it. Can you imagine taking three years just begging to quit your fucking job? It's like, no. Did you stay in on? I did not. See, this is why the office is good, because I did not see Brexit talk ever coming on KC Radio. Oh, God. I hope they never leave.

I hope they just turn into that just sad couple who has to stay in the same house and like, yo, you know you fucking tried to leave, right? But you just, but you couldn't. You can't afford it. You can't afford your own apartment so you can't. It really does mirror a divorce. Voicemails brought to you by BarkBox. Established in 2011, they've been making dogs happy

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Chew bones. Everything your dog loves. I told you about what probably tortured Maisie? Maddie? No. I still get them confused. It's sad. No.

I think I've told this before, but it's so ridiculous I'm going to tell it again A bark box sent one to my house Because I said send them there Because that's where my dog is And like two weeks later My mom calls me Can Maddie have this bark box Yes

Open the fucking box She's been sniffing at it Why didn't you give it to her It's addressed to you. Polly, man. I mean, we have to get Polly on the podcast. Polly on the podcast is kind of half that. Go to BarkBox.com.

It'll be a gold episode, though. Yeah, you're going to have to pay for that one. We need platinum. You have to pay extra, extra. BarkBox.com slash KFC. When you order a six- or 12-month plan, you get a free month of BarkBox. Hey, guys. Just saw this post on Reddit.

Had to get your thoughts. How might the world be different if human beings only had a four- to six-week mating season and the rest of the year nobody cared about sex? Thanks. I kind of like that idea. Oh, love it. Love it, love it, love it. I love it, except for the four to six weeks.

Anyway, it's the mating season. Sounds like a great idea, except for the sex. I'm at a zero day, zero week period. Look. No, I think that that would, it's almost like, it's kind of like paying for sex in a way, where it's just very transactional, and then you don't have to worry about it. If it was just like, we only have this mating season.

Like, mating season basically means you're not having sex for enjoyment. Well, right. You're doing big loads. I think you're doing big loads. Mating season is when, like, yeah, you have a window of opportunity to fucking knock somebody up. I think this is just saying the idea of what if we did our fucking in four to six weeks. And then it would just be like, let's cut the bullshit. Like, no third rule dates or no like, I really got to make sure you're my soulmate.

It's like, we all need to fuck. We all need to do this. We all want to do this. It's pleasurable. We only, for whatever reason, have these like handcuffs on where it's only this week long period. So we're clicking enough. Let's just fuck. I think it works.

I think – And then the rest of the year, it's like – and then you know what? It's like then the rest of the time you're hanging out with the other sex. It's like there's no nothing. You know what I mean? It's just like, well, there's not going to be any sex because we're outside the six-week window. So we can just hang out and enjoy each other's company.

It sounds kind of like a Black Mirror episode. Definitely. It'll go wrong. It's becoming the new – which I hate. It's becoming the new – where is that? The Onion? But it company. It sounds kind of like a Black Mirror episode. Definitely. It'll go wrong. Which is becoming the new, which I hate. It's becoming the new, where is that, the onion? But it does. It sounds like a futuristic idea. Yeah.

Like you're only allowed to fuck during this time because it ruins productivity. Something like that, right? Mm-hmm. And, but, I don't know because. I got to think this one through. I'm actually, I'm out on it. I'm out on it. Because I think just, I think the idea of fucking is what holds us together as a society.

If you take away that. I actually really agree with that. When people are like, oh, you guys talk about sex so much. I'm like, that makes the world go round, man. At the end of the day, you're motivated to do everything because you want to fuck. Like if you got rid of the possibility of sex, then for, what did they say, six weeks? That's a month and a half? Yeah.

Okay. Month and a half, 12 months, month and a half. So for 10 and a half months. My man. 10 and a half months a year, guys just aren't trying. Guys are wearing sweatpants out. Yeah, that's true. They're not showering.

Because we couldn't even if, yeah. Although, I don't know, maybe it's like, maybe you would line up. So it's always a contract year? Yeah. So you'd be like, all right. When your first four to six weeks ends and you're like, oh, my God, I only fucked like two girls. I'm on a 10-month drought. So you spend the next 10 months lining up the dates for your six weeks.

But what if you move? What if your job moves you? Well, then you ain't getting pussy for fucking six for a year. But I think if you were in a position where your job might move, you'd be like, well, I'm just not trying anymore. I think the threads would come undone. John is just looking for a way to never have sex again. I think – no, I like the – It definitely would.

The threat of sex keeps me in line. This sounds like some Handmaid's Tale shit. The threat of sex. The looming possibility. The black cloud of sex hanging over me. I might have to fuck this girl I want people To want to fuck me

You just don't want to That's the thing you know I mean I fuck Listen Listen I fuck Listen I'll fucking I'll fucking stick my dick in you Don't get me wrong

I'm not gonna be happy about it Yeah I'm gonna give it some thought Next episode I will give you my Eating a vegetable My Like you don't really wanna do it

But you know you're supposed to. It keeps you healthy. Keeps your mind clear. How often do you eat vegetables? I eat vegetables pretty often now. I'm working out these days. Vegetables more? I'm going to be in good shape this summer.

You eat vegetables more or you fuck more? Ooh. Well. Think about it. Does vegetables on sandwiches... Yo, KFC, Fight Superdose, or BC? Are we talking straight up... Are we talking straight up serving of vegetables?

Or is it like a tomato on my cheeseburger? Oh, no, no, no. Serving. Come on. Tomato on a cheeseburger doesn't fucking count. Sex. Sex, yeah. Sex.

So I'm going on this date Friday night. We're going to an arcade. It's got a bar in it. So obviously we're going to be drinking a little bit. I wanted to see what you guys think about Ubering to and from the date instead of driving. Local, it's in Westchester. Shout out KFC. Shout out BC. So what do you think about Ubering to and from a date and not, like, picking her up or any of that business?

Let me know what you guys think. I think that's fair. What are we talking about? That's okay, right? Of course it's okay. Yeah, okay. I thought you were going to say it's, like, wrong. What are we talking about? That's okay, right? Of course it's okay. Yeah, okay. I thought you were going to say it's wrong. What is this, 1963?

We're picking girls up for dates now? What I would do is I would, I think, depending on if it was a first date or something, I don't think I would want to be in the Uber with her out of sheer awkwardness. I don't know. I think Ubers are... Like if it's the first time you're meeting someone? It's a chariot of words, but it's a Toyota Camry. You're sitting in the back

of an Uber with a girl for the first time and like, hey, I don't know. It could be fun. It could be weird. I'd rather meet there. How about we Uber there and then we'll Uber back together

or something like that? I'm okay either way. I'm stunned by the fact of picking her up. What are you talking about picking her up? She's an adult, right? You're dating.

She's a license. Honestly, yeah. If you have a date that's an arcade bar, it's like, meet me at the arcade bar I don't know How you gonna get there You get there

I've never I would worry I guess it's a New York City thing To an extent Well it's more like A Westchester thing When you're outside Yeah when he's driving

To wherever he's gonna go You might pick somebody up For a date When you're in the suburbs But I think you meet at the date Yeah And I think it's on her To get there

And then maybe afterwards You get her an Uber home Or hopefully you're in the Uber Together home But I think everybody Me meet at the date Yeah And I think it's on her to get there And then maybe afterwards You get her an Uber home Or hopefully you're in the Uber together home But I think everybody meets at the place Yeah 100% Yo what's up KFC 5233BC

I was listening to the last episode Where you guys were talking about Flushing condoms on the toilet So me and my girlfriend For the past like two and a half years We've been fucking and flushing the condoms down the toilet. Uh, little did we know, they have a septic tank. Oh, yeah, fat part.

And, uh, last summer, uh, her dad had to go out there and fix it because it was all clogged up. And he came back inside and told her that there was about 200 condoms clogging up the septic tank. That she had to go in there and clean it up. Oh, shit! Basically, she had to go in there, full of shit, condoms, spiders, all that shit. And she had to clean it all up and throw them in the forest. And now whenever her dad is trying to be funny, he makes jokes towards me and her about it. And it's maybe the most awkward thing to ever happen.

I'll tell you what. So basically, how the hell am I supposed to respond when he says a joke about i'll tell you what preemptive breakup i would break up with this girl well no i disagree i mean if you're gonna be around her dad and shit you can't be around your around a girl's dad if she knows that there are 200 cum filled condoms that's two and a half years. That's a lot of sex, bro. If you're in a long-term relationship, two years? 200 times? 100 times? Yeah, I guess that's not bad.

100 times a year? I was thinking per day or something like that. No, that's fair. Especially if she still lives with her parents. That's how you get fatbergs, by the way, bro. Fatbergs are so hot in the streets right now. Fatbergs go viral once a year. I get so many ats out of it.

Because you're in Funnelburg. And you're fat. I think, by the way, because you're in Final Breath. And you're fat. And you're fat, yeah. I think, by the way, the spiders thrown in there was just really, that's really scary. Way worse than shit. I would rather. I don't know. It's such a reactionary thing for me to say.

I don't give a fuck about spiders. Oh, if I had to clean out a. Like a regular spider. If I had to clean out like a tank of spiders, I would not be happy. In Australian spider, I'm scared of like, oh, it was a fucking spider in the basement. I don't give a fuck about that. But like people, spiders and snakes, people are like, oh. I actually really don't give a shit about either.

If I put a snake right next to you right now, you would bug out. I mean, if it was a venomous, yeah. If it was a regular snake, no, I wouldn't. Guess what I'm going to do. I'm going to fuck that YP, bring a snake in here, throw it at your fat head. If it was either venomous or like a fucking python that would shatter my ribs, then yes, I would be scared. But if it's just a fucking snake no I don't care I think

I don't think there's any coming back from but if the father he said busting balls yeah but I think you have to just sit there

and take that one oh yeah I don't think you have to break up but you can't be like like yeah you fucking right I did you know what

you know what I would do I would say something more like hey Bob you should have seen how many times I fucked her raw. Yeah. That was only half the time.

The rest was in her ass raw. Can't say that. Can't do that. I actually, I think it's a good thing. Dude, I'm using protection. And also, shout out to her

for fucking wearing this herself. She's the one who cleans it? Yeah, right. Bro, if this happened at my house, I'd call her to come clean it up. You fucking kidding me? You want me to go through it? Like, what are you, I mean, you if this happened at my house, I'd call her to come clean it up. You fucking kidding me?

You want me to go through it? I mean, you seem like maybe younger people these days are moving back in with their parents. They seem older, but living with parents. I mean, take a week's paycheck. Have someone else do that. I'm not cleaning up. Move. Just leave that septic tank and go.

You know what? I actually just signed for an apartment. I would just set it on fire, but I don't know what happened. It burst into flames. You had your fucking, I guess fairly responsible daughter trying to clean the fucking side of the

tank. There's shit all over the basement. What do you want me to do? Last voice mail of the day brought to you by Dollar Shave Club.

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What's up, KFC? Wouldn't I be the worst? Yes, you are so annoying right now. Wouldn't I be the worst if I was just always in a good mood? Shut the fuck up. Oh, cool. First of all, I want to say thank you guys for being you. First year of my life or first year of my life.

The last year of my life has been hell and I stumbled across you guys in August and you guys just make me laugh at my darkest times. So thanks. Enough of being soft. You know what we need us. We're so depressed because we don't have someone to make us laugh in our dark times.

I got my eye on and, like, he's cute. I'm cute. He goes to the gym. I go to the gym. So, like, clearly we have some stuff in common. So, basically, how do I shoot my shot at him? Yeah, let me know. All right, peace, bye.

How do you shoot your shot at a guy at the gym? Don't, I don't know. The guy, if it's a girl shooting a shot at a guy, just go up to him and say, let me know. All right, peace, bye. How do you shoot a shot at a guy at the gym? Don't, I don't know. If it's a girl shooting a shot at a guy, just go up to him and say you want to fuck. Guys have to worry about this at the gym. Girls can go up to a guy anywhere, anytime. You can go up to me at my mother's fucking funeral and say, do you want to go out with me? And I'll be like, ma, peace. I mean, that was really funny.

I don't know what else to add to that. Is it not true, though? I mean. Dude, I always just speak for myself, and I would be so intimidated and scared. But I'm a little pussy boy. You are a little pussy boy. I am so intimidated and scared of going out to talk to girls that if they do it for me, I'll be happy no matter where, no matter what.

Come talk to me whenever you want, girl. I have to go to the gym, by the way. I started. I went to the gym one time. Shut the fuck up. It was. And Davey, that's why I'm in a good mood. You're back in Equinox?

Shout out Equinox. Real quick. This is bullshit. Shout out Equinox. I went to go cancel my membership. I wanted to settle up, settle at Bar Tab. About six months, no gym. I was in there.

I was probably getting about $1,500. And I go to cancel it, and the guy goes, and I was like, oh, boy, we're looking at over $2,000, aren't we? This one's going to sting. And he goes, it's $380. I said, oh, Giovanni, you silly motherfucker. I was coming in here ready to fucking throw bills around. $380.

He goes, are you prepared to pay it right now? I said, bitch, I ain't prepared to pay that right now before you figure out what it really is. You could have done like seven times that. Yeah. I guess they said that after two months they stop charging, which is great. An honest gym. If you don't come for two months, they don't charge you anymore. What a nice thing to do.

But no, I started going to a boxing gym. The Mendez gym. The famous Mendez guys. It's my favorite place. Ain't going to get me in there. I need to go to the gym to be able to get in enough shape for that gym. That's how out of shape I am. Well, old Mexican men just hang out in the basin.

I guess I've asked the other guys who have gone, and they said they have not seen that. But, I mean, yesterday was my first time there. And it was just like older men kind of playing cards maybe or something like that. That's exactly how I pictured it. I can't believe these other guys didn't see that. Of course there's old Mexican men playing cards and eating chicken at the gym. That's why you go to that gym. Watching people box.

Yeah. I got there and I was watching these two kids box, and they were beating the fucking shit out of each other. Like, throwing fucking haymakers. And I was like, I'm just jumping rope. I'm like, Jesus Christ, these kids are vicious. Vicious. And I thought it was cool because I figured the older guys were their dads and granddads and stuff like that. Because my dad used to come to hockey practice

and I figured kind of the same thing, right? And they were like, and I was like, God, they got deep voices. But when I was in elementary school, middle school, the Mexican kids got mustaches first. So I figured they had puberty first kind of deal. They take off their headgear, fully grown men.

Just Mexican men. They're tinier than usual. They Fully grown men. Just Mexican men. They're tinier than usual. They're just Mexican men. Just adult men. It was. I love it. I was like, holy shit.

That was a bunch of nine-year-olds kicking the fuck out of each other. It was fully grown adult men. Anyway, Mendez is awesome and I'm going to be,

I will guarantee you this, I will be in good shape by July. I got to get in shape too then because I can't just be the only fat guy on the show. All right, interview time. We got Timothy Simons and the Super Troopers coming up, back-to-back interviews for you, brought to you by Lightstream. The average interest rate on a credit card is over 18%.

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fucking September. They're like, no later than April. Okay. I'm a little loud, but you can hear everything fine. But what is the deal? Because it's like,

when we came in here, I mean, this place has definitely deteriorated since the last time. Absolutely. 100%. It's just dude use. Yeah.

It really is. It's like a clearing house. There's like the stacks of like clothes and like bins up there. Yeah, there's just dude use. Yeah. It really is. It's like a clearinghouse. There's like the stacks of like clothes and like bins up there. Yeah. There's just, we just accumulate. We're like hoarders. Yeah.

It doesn't. It's a terrible place. I told those guys before, last time I was here, I got a, I got a Sonny Gray t-shirt. Oh, lucky you. I'm like, Sonny Gray t-shirt. Right on, man. We'll be here for the best for our guests. We'll be here for years.

That's a relic. That's a collector's item there you go I gave it to my daughter she didn't know she didn't fucking she just said the same thing thanks dad I got a fucking

Sonny Gray shirt it's always Sonny in the Bronx it's Sonny in the Bronx they were so gassed up when they got in there like Cashman you genius which was never the case it was Sonny in the Bronx for, I think, two starts.

Yeah. That guy sucked. Yeah. Love it. Love it. But we were psyched to get him, though, when he came. Yeah. Yeah, Sonny Grayson.

Deadline, yeah. Good young pitcher for 10 years. Nope. Good to go? All right. We are now joined again for the second time in studio here by Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, you know him as Farva and Matt from Super Troopers. And they're here promoting their new show, which is just Super Troopers as firefighters. Well done.

Did you read that in the press release or did you just surmise that on your own? I came to that deduction myself. Brilliant. I applaud it, gentlemen. That was our devious plan. That was the whole devious plan from the beginning yeah you should just keep doing it like EMT next TSA

but here's the key I don't mind giving the formula away now that we've exploited it we were like you know Super Troopers was highway patrolmen on the most deserted stretch of highway they're just bored so we're like alright all right, firefighters. We're not making fun of firefighters.

These guys are good at what they do. So they're not bumbling. People are always like, oh, bumbling state troopers. We're not bumbling firefighters. We're good firefighters, but we're in the rainiest city in the country. And like all firefighters, I'll tell you, they do 24-hour shifts. So there's downtime. So the show is a lot about the hijinks in the station, but then also these firefighters

going on ridiculous pranks. So if you're going to do EMT or military or anything like that, you just have to figure out how to make your guys have a lot of downtime. And then you're in business. Because that's just what guys will do. You give guys some fucking downtime. Idle hands, man. It's not good for them.

And the real guys get mad. Like the real Tacoma firefighters are like, you think we have downtime? Really? Screw you. Yes, you do, bro. We're the real guys get mad like the real tacoma firefighters like you think we have downtime really yes you do bro part of the world yeah as as guys who's also obviously you know known for super troopers you got tacoma fd now you had beer fest as those are three like real brethren there police firefighters and binge drinkers which which ones do you think have like the through your research which you know i'm sure there was a lot of the binge in particular which one do you think has like the tightest brother it's the firefighters it's the firefighters well they live together so like you know it's it's and it's also frankly there's a very family uh there's a family theme

because a lot of those firefighters like kevin Kevin's family has a lot of firefighters in it and so you'll go into any of these stations there's brothers and uncles and just a bunch of drunk Irishmen and everyone's Irish you're not allowed to drink in fire stations but then they go out and they go hard after their shifts because they see

they say we see a lot of terrible things so that's why a lot of firefighters go see there's overlap there the drinking and the firefighters They say we see a lot of terrible things. That's why a lot of firefighters go. See, there's overlap there. The drinking and the firefighters. I would think it would be the binge drinkers that have the real brotherhood. I bet you would.

First of all, it's your own experience. Also, it's like what brings you together, what tightens it all up are those near-death experiences. On a case-by-case basis it probably happens to binge drinkers the most. It probably does. And also, you have more of those moments where you let your guard down

and you tell the other guy you love them. You're so fucked up. When you're staring in the bottom of a glass. I love you, man. Hey, Kev, I haven't been drinking. And I love you. Kev, I love you, too. Yeah, you know what? Valentine's Day.

You are my Valentine, bud. That's all we got this year. You guys seem like you don't get sick of each other. I mean, I remember we were talking about this last time you were in, but it seems like, I mean, how long ago? I mean, you guys have probably been together for like 20 years. Yeah, maybe more. We do. have probably been together for like 20 years. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe more. Maybe more.

We do. You know, it's like any relationship. You know, when we flew here on Tuesday, we hung out. We got a bite to eat in the airport, had some conversations, some lovely conversation. Today, when we go back to Los Angeles, I mean, it's only been two days, but like we'll not talk to each other in the airport and we'll probably walk separately. Yeah. It ends at the plane.

Yeah. Yeah. You got it. You got it, right? No, you know. Fresh. Have you ever had like a blowout? We've never had a blowout.

I don't think we've ever had a fucking word. Really? Yeah. We've never, I don't think I've ever. No creative differences? Nah. Not really. But we're also the most like apathetic people in the world.

It's like, if he did something I didn't like, I'd be like. I wish that didn't happen, but let's keep it moving. That's the way we are now, right? Yeah. There used to be fights. I mean, amongst all the

Broken Lizard guys, there used to be like fights. Yeah. About what? Yeah, the stupidest shit. Like, you know, that joke's not funny. Really?

What's the funniest number? We've had that. You know, shit like that. We've had that. What's the funniest number? We've had, you can't. We went into fractions.

You know what I mean? Fractions are funnier than whole numbers. You know. We it's like 7 16 7 16 is the funniest number yeah whatever number you like bro i don't want to do this anymore yeah that's the thing it's like so when you make a movie like you got one crack this thing. You're there and you're done and then that's it until the movie comes out. And so, like, you get very precious and you try to be very exact with your things, which is what leads to fights with guys saying, like, well, I know this is funny. Well, I know this is funny.

I know that's not funny, you know. And then, like, then you're not even trying to win the comedic argument anymore. You're just trying to win a fight. Right. You know, and you're calling that guy names. You're talking about his mother, the girlfriend who cheated on him. Like, you're going even trying to win the comedic argument anymore. You're just trying to win a fight. Right. Right. And you're calling that guy names. You're talking about his mother, the girlfriend who cheated on him. You're going for the jugular. You know.

With TV, though, you have so many episodes. Right. Like, we just don't give a shit. I was going to say, don't. You just mail it in, right? If the podcast, we have to argue about one podcast. There's another one out in two days. Right.

If you don't like that joke, we'll put that joke in episode six. Yeah. But it's funny because, like, we, you know, one of our Broken Lizard guys, Paul Soder, was on our writing team. We hired him to be one of our—for Tacoma FD to be on our team of writers. And Soder's a big fighter in the group. He's passionate. He's passionate. There's a spin zone.

Yeah. No, no. He's one of the guys that you're like, God, I got to fight with Soder Yeah. No, no. He's, but he's, he's one of the guys that like, you're like, God, you know, I got a fight with Soder today. It's okay. You know? And, uh, but with, uh, Tacoma FD, since we're the bosses, you know, he'll pitch his idea. We're like, nah, he's like, eh, I don't care either.

And you're done. So it's a great way to work. What we should do is employ all the broken lizard guys and just, you know, wait. So what happened? Was there any, like, obviously you two guys are in it and there's the rest of the gang maybe they're helping writing or whatever but was there

any did they want to be on it was there anything there or was it like just your project no it was just ours everyone was kind of doing their own thing

and we had been together so much for Super Troopers 2 and I think everyone had other things going on also there was kind of this feeling of let's go do some other stuff and this thing just hit you know

which was nice is that an awkward conversation to have? Like we're going to go do other things? Is it almost like Justin Timberlake leaving? I was just about to say that. That's got to be the most awkward thing. I'm leaving you bum-ass motherfuckers. No, no.

I mean, everybody is doing their own thing. You know, J-Docs, Episodic TV, and Soders. But there's also deals on the table to do other stuff. Yeah, we're deals on the table. do other stuff. Yeah, we're... Deals on the table. Oh, Mr. Hot Shot on the table. Super Trooper Street, man. Fucking Hollywood.

Super Trooper Street. We got a few deals on the table. Yeah, maybe we can bring you guys in. You like that? Yeah. We've got a couple offers like that recently that all fell from guests, not from real deals on a table. Then they never contact us.

It's all talking. We had Kevin Hart hook, line, and sinker. Oh, you did? What was it called? It was just called Depressed White Men or something. Yeah, it was something along those lines. It was just like, listen. He took out his voice. I'm going to write that down.

He's very close, bro. We told him. We said, listen, there's white guys. There's white privilege, but we're also pretty fucked up, too. We're pretty interesting. Just show about two depressed white guys. He was like, okay, all right.

You're on. Well, here's my question. Do you, do you guys count as redheads? Do people consider you redheads? Oh God. Uh,

I think I get it more. I don't think he gets it. Cause I have like your beard gets, but it's, it kind of just makes the hair look. Yeah. You're not redheaded, but like you could pass as a redhead.

Yeah. I think I, I, I, I pitch it as like, if I had to spin zone it, I would be like, uh, I'm like Prince, uh, Harry. Yeah. There spin zone it, I would be like – I'm like Prince Harry.

Yeah, there you go. Where it's like redhead but not gross. Oh, nice. Sure, sure. Yeah. Well, because he's the prince. Because he's the prince. He can do that.

You can't, bro. You are gross. Not one of those redheads that smells like crayons. No, no. Right? Yeah. Yeah, not one of those redheads who breathes through his mouth. Yeah, yeah.

You're a higher-end redhead. But then do people think you're redheaded when you're next to them? No, I don't get that much. I guess if I were to grow, I get a little bit of patchy red, too. I get that Irish beard. Yeah, it's just Irish. That's really what it is. Irish alcoholics. Yeah, but that's kind of like, you don't seem like privileged white guys.

Thanks. That's so mean. When you're kind of like in the redhead spectrum. Oh, got it. Got it. I see what you mean. When you're on the red spectrum. Yeah, then it's like.

I thought you were just looking at us up and down and being like, you're not that privileged. No, no, but. Things are not going that well for you. I think, you know, and I see that there's a lot of redheads around here but like you know that's when like some people might exhibit some pity towards

yes I agree we're white but we're gingers I think redheads have made some great strides in this world though I think back when I was younger I don't think so I think remember when there was that viral video about like gingers don't have souls or whatever.

Yeah, man. I remember South Park did a whole episode on it. That stuff doesn't happen. Yeah, but that stuff sticks. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, that's what I'm saying.

Whatever helps you sleep at night. Yeah. It doesn't happen anymore. Well, except if you really, if you really just take a step back and look at the big picture of things and all the people, you know, everybody's coming forward. We understand now the bullying and discrimination are terrible things. The ones who are going to be left, the last ones to get that are going to be the redheads. Yeah.

Because of the white thing. Right. So it's like, we moved on. No white people are getting anything. And the redheads, they're in the corner. That's what Kevin Hart was latching onto. Yeah. When he was writing that down.

Yeah. Redheads are just the worst of the whites. We should make a movie called Redheads where we dye our hair reds. See what I mean? You just fucking stole that from us. We always use this inspiration.

We are always the bridesmaid for the bride. We can use that plot from another thing where a disease wipes out everyone in the world except for the redheads. And then they inherit the earth. We're more Z-Bone than the redheads. But then a brown-haired guy comes in, and he's the exotic one, and he fucks everybody. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. The redheads are never – this is it. You and me come through as the brown-haired guy. Now, fuck, I don't want to be a red Yeah. You and me come through as the brown haired guy. Now, fuck, I don't want to be a redhead. You and I come through as the brown haired guy and we fuck every day. We can call it reds. Yeah.

Is that in use? Yeah. Yeah, I'm in. I'd watch it on TruTV. Okay, you'd watch that, right? Yeah. No, we'll give you guys credit. I promise.

Thank you. Are you guys worried that by the time Tacoma FD airs March 28th, that people are going to hate your guts after March Madness? There's going to be so much promo for you fucks. This is all good things, but you're going to get it's going to be like when Fall Out Boy makes a new song.

It's in everybody's commercial. You guys like Fall Out Boy. How does that feel? Every time we come back from commercial, like, check out Tacoma MD. Every commercial break for every March Madness game, by the end of it, I promise you people are going to be like, fuck these guys. Good. I hope so. I hope so.

I would too. That's what I want. I've never had that problem. Yeah, that's what I want. That's a good problem to have. It's a great problem to have. We're just trying to get tickets. That's what we're trying to do.

What was it we were told when we started? It was like, you don't have a brand until people are sick of it or something like that. Pretty much. Tickets. What was it we were told when we were like starting this? Like, you know, you don't have a brand until people are sick of it. Yep. Something like that. Pretty much. So once you're sick, people are sick of seeing Tacoma FD. That's when you know you're getting that promo. Breaking it in.

You'll probably get a two season deal at the end of that. Oh, yeah. Two more seasons. Yeah. We just want NCAA tickets. That's all. That's all we need. That's all.

Have you texted somebody yet about NCAA tickets for us? She did. She knows. That's all. That's all we need. That's all. Have you texted somebody yet about NCAA tickets for us? She did. She knows. She's on it. We were talking a little baseball before we started recording. You're both Yankee fans? Yes.

Fucking losers. Wait, what? He sucks. He's got to be sucks. No, I'm not. He sucks. I'm the Mets fan. Oh, he says fucking losers to us.

Hilarious. Hilarious. We're in the same boat, guys. The ultimate losers. 27 rings, bro. The ultimate losers. 27 rings, bro. The ultimate losers. 27 rings. Yeah.

I mean, if there's, you know what? I take back everything I said about Redheads. It's the Mets fans. It's the Mets fans. It's the Mets fans. They're so sad. Because you know what else about the Mets fans is there's a whole, like Soder's one of those guys.

Like when the Mets got good for a moment and like they had Piazza. Yeah, yeah. And Bobby Valentine. Yeah, yeah. And all those guys, like there was like a group of fucking losers that were like, take back New York. I'm going to be a Mets fan. Yeah.

Because it's not the Yankees. Like I'm not, I don't like the man. I don't like the staff. That was a dumb choice if anybody did that. Yeah. Jumping on the Mets bandwagon is. A lot of people did that. Kevin's actually considering just letting his kids grow up.

Almost like we're not going to baptize them we're going to let them grow up mature and choose his own path I seriously am thinking about not making the Mets fans yeah that's smart I think I'm going to make them restricted free agents I'm going to say you can root for anybody I can't have them be Yankee fans can't do that

so you can root for anybody except the Yankees and I would like to really prefer not the Phillies or the Nationals and in football like you just can't root for anybody except the Yankees. And I would like to really prefer not the Phillies and the nationals and football. Like you just can't root for the Pats. Like just go. You're probably a Jets fan then too. That's your problem.

Yeah, it is bro. Mets, Jets, Knicks. Yeah. I am a Jets fan. So you're one of those gypsies.

Little, little, you, you mix and match. I don't trust you as far. Actually, my family is part gypsy. Now I'm offended.

Now I'm offended. Yeah. I like the Giants and the Jets. Well, that's stupid. It's just— Believe me. Well, I won't allow that, so fuck you. I've been attacked about this for a long time.

But when I was a kid growing up, it was before, like, you know, all the channels and everything like that. Before TV. Yeah. How old are you, Steve? You had two local games. You had two local games. You had the Giants and the Jets And it wasn't like you were going to stop watching football

Plus the Jets were so benign They were like the little brother They were the Jamie team So you'd watch them and it was fun Hey they suck There they go You had the Sack Exchange There were things that were good about them

And then all of a sudden they got the tuna The tuna came along and Testaverde came along And I was like, holy shit. Our fucking shitty jets are good. And then they were the same old jets. But they got popped as Achilles tendon. And that was it. Speaking of tuna, which one of you is a real-life tuna can, right?

Kevin's. Yeah. I guess that would be me. I guess that would be me. Guilty. That's Kevin. But you see, in SuperTubers 1, The nickname where you are. Yeah. I guess that would be me. Yeah. Guilty. That's Kevin. But you see, in Super Troopers 1, we see the tuna can. Right.

Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. And then you take the nickname now. It's called MFT, right? What's that? You take the nickname, it's called MFT.

They call it, they call me it. Oh, they call you it. Okay. I missed that. But they talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't talk about it.

Yeah. That's his firefighter rookie nickname is Tuna Can. And his daughter in episode three, his daughter joins our force, our firefighter force. She's a hot daughter too. Hattie Harrison

is awesome. She's hysterical and yes, she's hot. And she's smart too. She went to college when she was 15 years old. Holy shit. That's crazy. Doogie Houser? Yeah, she's a Doogie Hous went to college when she was 15 years old. Holy shit. Yeah. That's crazy. Doogie Howser? Yeah. She's a Doogie Howser.

Where'd she go? SMU. Southern Millionaire Universe. That's crazy to go to SMU as a 15-year-old. SMU is, like, where you go when you're, like, 19 to go party. Because you're at a party. Yeah. Yeah, like, usually you're in, like, Harvard or some shit if you're, like, going Doogie

Howser Road. Yeah. She's also a big football fan. She's in the Hunt family. She's in the Kansas City Chiefs. Oh, shit. She's a Lamar Hunt like

I don't know grand niece or something like that so yeah not in that family I was gonna say let's get her in here fuck you guys

which is the most the cockiest name I've ever heard in my life and you got a little bit of both sure yeah legend well anyway

but she's going to be a big star yeah she's got a great presence I'll talk with you guys as soon as she comes on you're like oh you know she pops she pops're like Oh you noticed she pops

You gotta have the pop As far as movies go you guys have done a lot The Oscars There's been a lot of Talk about them getting rid of editing Do you give a shit about that? They're not airing it The award is given off

And cinematography too People are very upset I don't know It's nice those guys win those awards And cinematography, too, right? People are very upset. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it's nice those guys win those awards. I mean, we see those guys work really hard, you know? I can't get too caught up in any of this.

Like, it's like, who the host is going to be. It just seems like, you know, whatever. Yeah. Whatever. It's just a fucking award show. It's okay. I think you need, you know, look, I think you need some of those categories anyway to clear the palette. You know, otherwise it would just be like, oh, best film, best actor, best director. And that's it.

It's all the all-stars. You know, you need some things that are between those things to build up the anticipation for those. That's true. People don't really like the all-star game. All-star games usually don't get great ratings. Yeah. You don't get a regular basketball game. You've got to have a couple shitty guys out there.

For the people. It's like the Pro Bowl. Yeah. Right, right, right. It's garbage. Yeah, it's garbage. Yeah. But, like get a regular basketball game. Gotta have a couple shitty guys out there. For the people. It's like the Pro Bowl. Yeah, right, right, right. It's garbage. Yeah, it's garbage. Yeah, but like, you know, I mean, those are big categories.

Like, cinematography is a big deal. Is a big deal, right? That's a really important part of the filmmaking. At least you don't like the short documentaries and shit like that.

There is. There is what you fucking guys. You guys are losers. There is what you don't. The short films? Shut the fuck up. Yeah, but that's actually

a great case. Short film, you lazy bitches. Exactly. Or do like a short film Oscars. Or like a short film award. The Shorties. We'll call them the Shorties. There you go. I think that's actually an award show. Is it?

You can win a Shortie. You guys are going to want to jump on this one. You, Kevin Hart as the host. I'll be the host of the Shorties. You should host the Chunkies. Easy now. this one you kevin hart as the host well there you go guys done yeah you should uh you should host the uh the chunkies now do you ever get mad that like you don't get like invited to those things i do i do yes well well well first of all we have won uh several stony awards the high times yeah we presented at the stony awards oh my goodness that's when you know you made it yeah

you walk the green carpet. Trust me. It's a big deal. It's weed. It's a big deal. You get deals on the table. Deals on the table. Yeah.

No, when I played Finkelstein in Beer Fest, I did like, look, De Niro won for Raging Boy. He gained 50 pounds. Ooh, okay. Yeah, Charlize Theron for Monster. Okay. Hey, there's Sean Penn. He changed his appearance too. You change your appearance drastically.

You win an Oscar. That's a rule. You win an Oscar. You go gay or you lose weight or gain weight change your appearance drastically, you win an Oscar. That's a rule. You win an Oscar. You go gay or you lose weight or gain weight, you win an Oscar. That's it. You do it. I did two of those things for Beer Fest. I look completely different.

You went gay? I gained weight. Okay. And then I did, I basically was Sean Penn in Carlito's Way. A male pattern, baldness, an afro. I lived six months of my life as that guy. That's acting. That guy. That's acting. That is.

That's acting. People don't even recognize me. People don't even recognize me from that movie. I know. Legend, man. You deserve it. I should have won. I'll give you a retroactive Oscar.

How about that? Even, you know, I've searched the people at Warner Brothers. I was like, you know, just for your consideration, Paige, in Variety would be nice. Just as a joke, even. As a joke. They were like, eh, sure. It's bullshit. All right, well, the new show is on TruTV.

March 28th's premiere? That's right. Tacoma FD. Yeah. It's funny stuff, so. Thank you. I mean, I feel like everybody who's down with you guys is just going to watch everything you ever make. March Bandits.

There you go. And they will jam it down your throat. So you don't even have a choice. You're going to watch everything you ever make. So there you go. And they will jam it down your throat. So you don't even have a choice. You're going to watch this whether you like to or not. Whether you like it or not.

And we're premiering right after the Impractical Jokers season premiere. There you go. True TV is fucking crushing it by the way. You got I'm Sorry 2,

Andrew Savage, which is like one of the funniest shows on TV. Impractical Jokers, I don't fuck with those guys. I had an ex-girlfriend who loved that show and it just made me hate it. Oh, really?

Sure. Real normal. Real normal. They're nice guys. They're nice guys. I bet they are. Fuck them anyway. Did she like, did she want to have sex with one of them or something?

No, she just liked the show, and I would want to watch. We talk about it all the time, how the most important thing in a relationship is agreeing on shows. Yeah. And you want to watch the same thing. Yeah. And we never did, to watch the same thing. Yeah. And we never did. And I, I always lost.

I always had to watch that. It's a good show. You didn't like it though. I didn't like it because I wanted to be watching something else. I was mad. I just stewed that I lost the fight, even though it was like, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a real healthy, a real healthy situation. I'm sorry, man. That's okay. It's not your fault.

Skip. Skip the impact. He's an, I'm sorry guy. He wanted to watch. I'm sorry. I know. Yeah. Thank you fellas. We appreciate it. That's okay. It's not your fault. Skip the Impact Retreat. He's an I'm sorry guy. He wanted to watch I'm Sorry. I know. Thank you, fellas.

We appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Applause in the way. You guys got a couple minutes? I'm good. Good to go? All right.

It's KFC Radio. We are blessed with another actor from Veep. We've got, we had... Tony Hale for Arrested. Tony Hale. Yeah, well, that was for Arrested, but we were also talking Veep. And we had Matt Walsh in as well.

So now we got Timothy Simons here. You guys are blessed. You guys are blessed. We are blessed. That's right. Because, I mean, Veep is one of the funniest TV shows ever, period. You're not going to disagree. It's one of those things, like, I love hearing it.

It's certainly not for me to decide. I think it's very funny. See, I think it, I, I'm not, I, I, it's one of those things. Like I love, I love hearing it is not certainly not for me to decide. I think it's very funny. I think it is for you to decide. When I was a kid, I remember I went to the voting polls. We're a little political tie in here. I went to the voting polls with my mom and I told her, let's watch the show. I told her that if I, if I ran for public office, I would never vote for myself. And she said, that's the only vote you're probably going to get. She was the only vote you know, you're going to get, you have to vote for yourself. And she said, that's the only vote you're probably going to get. She was like,

it's the only vote you know you're going to get. You have to vote for yourself. And I was like, that's a good point. You've got to vote for yourself. I think I am actually eligible. If I paid my dues, I think I am actually eligible to vote for Emmy. So when the show comes up, I vote for the show. I don't know if you even need the help

though. You guys won like three in a row or something like that. I think we've won three in a row. That's unbelievable. But Julia has won six in a row. Six in a row. That's a joke. But it is. Laugh out loud.

But this is to me, like it doesn't surprise me at all that she has because when I look at what she does on the show, there is that thing where I'm like, oh, like regardless of gender or genre, like that's the best performance on television. Julia, it doesn't matter. Like you put that up against anything like you like you put her in a drama. That's still the best performance on television. I just think she's that good. She's just that good. Very funny.

She's very funny. So season seven is the final season will be premiering. We were lucky enough to get to watch the first few episodes. And Jonah is on the campaign trail. He is. And the 789 plan and a couple of very funny moments. That's right. Oh, my God.

It is. I mean, Jonah Ryan is. I haven't seen them yet. So there are things I'm hearing in interviews now that I'm like, oh, that's right. I forgot. Or, oh, that joke made the cut. That makes me happy. So do you watch like Sunday night with everybody else? I never listen to my own stuff. I, that joke made the cut. That makes me happy. So do you watch Sunday night with everybody else?

I never listen to my own stuff. I can't watch myself at all. I don't know if I would be able to sit down and watch my TV show. The first couple years were hard just because you get to be very judgmental. Obviously, you hate listening to yourself and you hate watching yourself. But we had- Obviously, we just hate ourselves. Obviously, we just hate ourselves.

We're entertainment. Of course we hate ourselves. How else did you think we ended up here? But I do. We actually had like a, like, because we've always sort of been in the same sort of Game of Thrones thing. Like, we always had, we had people over to the house to watch Game of Thrones. It was like a, it was a tradition that we had from that first season. And then it was just like, oh, shit, our show's on after that.

Not a bad lead-in yeah it's really not and but it also meant that like we kind of all were then having people over to also watch our show and i'm like that's kind of not what i i mean like i love that you guys are here but i'm like doing it i didn't want you guys to like come over here i didn't you don't have to come over here to watch me see i'd have to leave the room i'd say i'm going to the study i i wouldn't be able to even when i study what To the study. What? I got a study. I got a study. That's.

I just do my voting poll research in the study. The. I'll do that here when I ask someone to listen to a podcast we did or read a blog I wrote. And I'll just hand them my computer and I'll go do something else. Because I can't stand it. Because I feel like you're putting pressure on them to react to. Like you're like, oh, I know that line was funny. Everyone better laugh.

And it almost ruins it for you and puts a lot of pressure on the viewer. A lot of times I've seen the cuts before we watch them as a group. Like, we know, we always, we have a tradition of meeting up for the finale. We usually go to Julia's house for the finale of every season. It's probably a pretty cool house. One of the best things that happened. The hardest I've ever seen anyone laugh was Hugh Laurie at Julia's house for the finale of the last season when Mike had like what is clearly a six year old child in a baby carrier. I've never seen a human being laugh harder than Hugh Laurie at that moment.

It was a joy. So we usually do that for the last episode. But the other stuff is like it's sunday night and like most of us have kids and there's like there's school the next morning my wife's a teacher so she's like she has to get like lessons plans together like sundays are stressful so fuck your show man we got we got other stuff and then we're like we and now we have like there we have some friends coming over so we got to get snacks together and so like it ends up being like we can't ever get it together to watch it as a group every sunday but we do have a tradition of all watching it in the finale together over julia's

house i mean it's also it's so well written that i would i almost feel like i would be ultra confident to show it to anybody yeah by now it's just it's so it's so like the every season is like this but it's the seventh season i feel like everybody is just it's just a well-oiled machine like every joke every single word out of someone's mouth is funny that is that is incredible one thing that i realized when we were doing like table reads for this year because the writers are so incredible and i don't know how they do this every single line of and this also includes a lot of stuff that you haven't seen nor will you ever see because it didn't make the cuts because i mean i love the writers they are incredibly smart and they're so good they are like their scripts are 65 pages long

and so you you there is 40 minutes of show that you never see on and but every single line is a joke every even if it's like we just need to get information out somehow they get information out in a way that is one of the funny and never feels like wedged in it never feels wedged in they are so good at it what's your favorite line you've said that i've said yeah i know i know mine yeah i think i know i think i know what yours is this is honestly can i say say whatever you want okay it's the shitting clits because and that was written what is the exact i eat who eats so much pussy? I've been eating. I'm eating so much pussy.

I'm shitting clit son. And that was. His son really does finish it off. That was one of our. Fuck me. It's been so I'm blanking on his name and I feel awful because we've been working together for a long time. He writes for Saturday Night Live and it's going to come to me in one minute. But that was his line. And when we had that table read and when that line came in, I thought that that was like the purest distillation of that character.

Oh, yeah. You put that entire character into six words and you put it in front of an elementary school, like an elementary school classroom. And that is that entire character boiled down into seven seconds. It's not just because the response to it was great, it was because that is the pure base of that character in one line. What about this? What's your favorite Jonah Ryan insult?

There's a lot of them. There's a lot of them. I really like Cloud Botherer. Yes, that's what I just said to him! It's so funny! It's like all the other ones are pretty vulgar or pretty harsh but like the subtlety of you're the cloud botherer the 60 foot virgin ball sack off buddy but the cloud botherer uh eric kenward is the guy's name

i got to eric and then i thought about 15 other erics that i know but eric kenward he's a phenomenally talented guy and i i mean like this, that was, I think, in season, I think that line might have been in season five. And every time I see him, because he is in and out, I still thank him for it. Like, in season seven, I still thank him for it. That line was so good. The next day, I wrote a blog specifically just about that line. Did you really? Just that line.

I was like, this is how, like, we like we like we're like if you're not watching VP, which we say every single season, you're not watching VP yet. You need to. And I was like, this is why. Just like you said, these seven seconds, if you can watch this and not spit out your coffee, you have something wrong. Yeah. And one thing that I love just about the way that that scene is constructed, you're so

tight on him. He says the thing which just on his face is funny. Like if it was just that line you'd probably laugh but the quick pull out to see that he's in front of an elementary school and then to have peter mcnichols come in and be like watch your mouth you spewing animal and then he takes the phone and throws it and then jonah demands that he pay for the phone. And then Dan tries to push them all out. And Jonah tries to make the children witnesses. Like it is nine. It's nine seconds.

And then like Richard is just sort of there early and like, I think this is going great. And did you know that Peter McNichol was nominated for a guest? He was nominated for a guest actor Emmy. Wow. And in order to be nominated for a guest actor Emmy, you have to appear in no in fewer than half of the episodes that air and when he was uh when he was submitted for nomination he was in four of the ten and that nine seconds cost him a nomination because that meant he appeared in five i'll take you know what yeah i would rather be a part of that scene than have an Emmy.

I mean, to me, I'm not going to remember who won this out or the other thing. I'm going to remember that scene literally for the rest of my life. Awesome. That's a good point. It's almost like sports when they have, like, you know, you need to get X percentage of carries for a bonus. Yep. And you just fell short of that.

He's obviously just went over a little bit. Yeah. But no, like, the insults insults are like they have been such a long-running thing but i even from the like this has come up over the last couple days like i have been called any number of things that are usually then just attacking my own body like it's not the character's body like there is no difference i was gonna say it's not it's just me that's just my face that's just what i look like. It's kind of personal. It really is.

Especially, and like, they'll come in and they'll kind of look you up and down. And then they'll go away and come back in. And it's like, you thought of that just now. Where you just give you the quick up and down. Like, okay, we're going to go to the room, talk about your flaws, come back. It's like, come back. And man, sometimes they get the ones that you really think about a lot. And it's like, oh, that one.

The truth hurts. I feel like that's like working with writers for the show is almost like working with children where you know they're just being honest. And that's what hurts the most. Yes. Just never be honest with me. Ever.

Always lie to me. Be a little polite. But just don't tell me the truth the way you think about me. They are the professional versions of your children looking at you and be like, I miss mama more than you. When you're not here, when she's not here, I think about her more.

That's what they are. This season they call you a sky raper, which that's my favorite. You're an 80-foot sky raper. It's funny. These things have never been like when it – if this was any other show and any of these characters called each other it's like spoke to each other you would have to stop the show to be like don't ever speak to me like that again like in any other world but this is just a thing that's just the way that they speak to one another and it's as if you've said sir it is as he like excuse

me sir or you excuse me you 80 story skyraper it it the information to these characters is the same and they just go through they just press on as if they had never heard it it's just it's just air to them which i do love that none of it matters yeah it doesn't stop it doesn't stop yeah yeah the uh the writing in mean, I know it's almost, it's kind of a cliche at this point, or almost like beat to death a little bit, how much it's art imitating life. Yeah. But I mean, it really fucking is. Like, there are characters and storylines that I feel like you guys wrote into existence.

Like, for instance, this season, right? We got a couple here this season. Okay. The funeral stuff. Did that come first, or did, like, that couldn't have come first. That happened a month ago. Wait, which one was the funeral? There is, in episode two this year, there is a whole plot line about Selena deciding

who was not going to be invited to her funeral when she dies. That happened a month ago. It did. I, no, none of these things. And I think that one of the things that the writers do is they all get together and they're like, okay, well, what's the dumbest thing a politician could do that they haven't done yet and they probably won't do? And then they try to give these people the benefit of the doubt of like, well, no, they probably won't get in fights over who's invited to a funeral. They probably won't get in fights over that. Turns out they super will.

And they super will. And they and they super will and they will also do it after we've shot i almost feel like this ends up making the writers look like as not as creative as they are because these things happen um um there was these things happen in between when we shoot when we write and shoot the episodes and then when they air so it looks like we're ripping them from the headlines and they're like, no, this was us thinking, well, nobody's dumb enough to do this. And then it happens. And there's one that's going to come up from an episode in the future. Um, that I just saw somebody sent me like an Instagram video of a politician who does a real, real dumb thing. And, uh, and that is a direct and that is a direct that is a direct thing that happens i think in episode

five or six it is exactly what happens on our show and there is this thing like well there goes that joke there goes that um i don't know i remember last last night when i was watching the screeners i was like rain man in my head trying to work out the dates like there's no way they could have written shot and edited this when it just happened no it's insane i don't know if that's a testament to the how good the writers are or how fucking crazy the world is i think i'm just gonna go with it's how fucking crazy the world is and every every year it has happened uh there was a big like all the way back to the pilot when we shot the pilot not very long after that there was a big cornstarch utensil.

There was a cornstarch utensil sort of recycling. Somebody said something about the oil companies. And then they had to, like, do a big old backtrack. And it was just like, come on, guys, like, let our show premiere. And the other one I had, too, was, like, Kemi Talbot. Is that AOC? Oh, Kemi Talbot? i think i think that's it i was doing the same thing with that where it's like aoc is relatively young and this must have been right she's i mean

it's been what a year probably where she's been really been on the scene she was no she was elected in like the campaign video that sort of like launched her was probably in the lead up to november was in the lead up to the midterms right so it was probably it was maybe mid-summer right that she like would have first like really bust out on the scene and then november when she gets elected so it's really only been a few months and then the what oh the hands thing yeah you got that a lot the the writing on your hand apparently the brazilian president just did that the other day like i mean it's it's all a nightmare it's all a nightmare i was watching kevi last night and i was thinking i was like okay so she's kind of uh an exotic looking person from new york who's the future of the party yeah

i think i was going to do acaso cortez i think that might have just been like sort of the kamala harris and i mean like i might be super wrong about this but i think the that might have just been like sort of the Kamala Harris. And I mean, like I might be super wrong about this, but I think the character might have just been named Kamala Harris at some point until we figure out a better name. Like it's just Kamala Harris. But no, that one. So that one wasn't necessarily AOC. I think they're sort of looking more at like because like AOC is still like I think they want that character to be like around the scene a little bit longer, a little bit more established. So they were kind of going with the Kamala Harris, someone who has a little bit of tenure. AOC, of course, kind of came out of the gate real fast, but not fast enough to end up being.

I think if we had a season eight. You've got to be real quick on being there. If there was a season eight, there is no way that AOC wouldn't end up in there yeah uh what what else you want to talk about what do you like doing what do i like doing a little bit i uh uh uh i really enjoy golf and oh yeah yeah and i know it's super lame and and it will ingratiate me to no one i really enjoy it i have kids and it allows me to go basically go out in a field and be quiet for four hours because I have reached... Well, that's kind of what

adult male white-based sports are. It's getting away from... It's fishing, it's golf, it's skiing. I did not know this really and then I got two kids and I don't golf and all my buddies do and I'm like, shit, I should have golfed because they just got this free pass. The husbands are out golfing and I don't golf and all my buddies do. And I'm like, shit, I should have golfed because they just got this free pass.

I go, yeah, the husbands are out golfing and I don't go. And I'm like, fuck. You know, I love my kids. Yeah, of course. Of course I love them. But there is that thing where I definitely reach the point in my life where it's not – I've definitely gotten to that point where I'm just like, what if I just got some goddamned peace and quiet? Like I'm definitely at the goddam goddamn peace and quiet part of my life.

And I like I love spending time with them. How old are they? They are seven. We have twins that are seven, a boy and a girl. So we're right in it. And boy, every day is a joy. And and but no, I really like I've started liking golf a lot. And I'm on like text message chains

with friends about, about dumb things that golfers do. Like I think Dusty Johnson. Do you watch? You watch? I do. I mean, like it's on the weekends, you know, and kids, like I got to take them to gymnastics and I like spending time with them. The gymnastics guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Every Sunday morning I take them both and we go hard in gymnastics. Yeah. It's more like a, it's like a playground. Not like, you know, not doing real gymnastics. How old are yours? Three and change and one and change in gymnastics. It's more like a, it's like a playground. I'm like doing real gymnastics. How old are yours? Uh, three and change and one and change.

So, okay, cool. Yeah. Um, my daughter actually has some, I'm like, I'm not going to like ship her off to like the molestation farms in Texas, but I would hope not. But like, um, but she's like pretty good at it. She is like really good at it. And, and so like, I, of course, like I i'm trying to like she loves it and we're trying to foster that she's been doing uh uh handstands and cartwheels non-stop for the last four months that's gotta be like harrowing around the house it is just

the kid walking on his hands yes it's your feet on the ground keep your feet on the ground like i'm absolutely the dad is like don't dream big keep your feet on the ground oh yeah my kids are like so completely average and I'm okay with that. I see these other kids in gymnastics. They're flying. They're shooting hoops. My kids are just rolling on the floor. I'm like, all right, that's fine.

That's fine. As long as you're happy. We'll be completely medium and average. Yeah, but no, that's what I do. I like watching it, but I don't get to watch it a lot. I think I just like it. I don't know if I've seen many guys your size golf. It's not super easy. We're not really built for anything.

What are you, 6'5"? 6'5". We're not built to fit into clothes. We're not built to fit into airplanes or cars. We're not built for life, really. No, we're not. And I think we die earlier. I think tall people die earlier.

Would you rather stay your height, or would you rather be, let's say, 5'5"? Would you rather take a foot off or stay? I would rather stay my height. So the world's not too bad for you. The world's not too bad. You walk into a bar, girl's like, who's that? And then they're like, oh. And they're like, oh, they're like, oh, I thought it was Zach Woods.

He's so darling. He seems so Zach Woods seems so nice. It is. Zach is a friend of mine. Like, I know him from around LA. He is a phenomenal dude. But it is a thing for both of us. There's a face blindness for improvisational white comedians over 6'4". They're just like, okay, it's you and it's Zach Woods and there's one other dude.

The guy from Succession who I have not met. I haven't seen the show. I mean, I don't know his name either. Yeah. I think he's one of those guys we're all going to know his name very shortly. Because I think season two will probably come out because I haven't seen it yet. But everybody talks about how funny he is. So I feel like we're going to all get lumped in that same sort of like very tall, white, funny guy mash.

Just like, yeah. It's not a bad club to be in. It's not a bad club to be in. Better be than the short, awkward white guy. If I could be 6'1", club to be it's not a bad club to be better than the short awkward white guy yeah if i could be six one that'd be great man yeah yeah it's not bad six six five is it's a lot six five is a lot but it's like you ski you're you're a main guy i did growing up but then i started playing basketball you get forced into that yeah when you're just skip it i yeah i played hockey i still skied well i don't know I remember that we had like maybe my dad just didn't

take us maybe my dad didn't love me maybe this is what we're discovering right now maybe he just wanted some goddamn peace and quack that's one thing I know my dad loved wait where are you from? I'm from Fall River Massachusetts it's like 45 minutes south of Boston

oh okay nice we used to ski all the time. One time I stabbed a penguin with a screwdriver because I didn't want to go skiing. What? It was a mascot. It was at Cranmore Mountain. Jesus Christ. It was a mascot.

I'm actually like fine. I didn't want to qualify that. I was like, we were in the ski shop and I wanted to get in trouble so I didn't have to ski that day. I just stabbed a mascot penguin. Was there a human in it? Yeah, there was a human in it, but I didn't get to them. It was a big cop. Okay.

So I didn't stab a human. But you didn't know. I wouldn't make that comparison. You didn't know how deep it was. Yeah, you didn't know what could happen there. You didn't know what could happen there. I was like, let's get in trouble.

Yeah. You didn't know how big the guy underneath was. That could have been belly for all you guys. That could have been, yeah. I think I would have, yeah, no, I mean, look,

I'm realizing it now in real time. You guys are correct. It was attempted murder. It was, no, I mean, look, look, I'm realizing it now in real time. You guys are correct. It was attempted murder. It was. Yeah, you got me busted. I was listening to a podcast with you on recently, which, by the way, I think it was Talk House Radio. What a what a racket they're running over there. They just they just had you guys run a podcast.

Yeah, man. They asked Husky and then Husky asked me. I was like, yeah, I like Husky. And then he was like, oh, this is for some other place. I was like, oh, all right. Yeah, but that really is like, I probably, it was probably Husky's microphones. I don't even know if they like gave him microphones. I was listening to the intro and I was like, okay,

I'm sure the guests will be on with them. And it wasn't. It was just you and Husky. Yeah. That was quite a move. I think they're trying to, I mean, like I haven't listened to it. No, I've never listened to one episode of the show. Yeah. Seriously. Never once. I've done it for, like, I haven't listened to it. No, I've never listened to one episode of the show. Yeah.

Seriously. Never once. I've done it for seven years. I've never listened to it. Even the first one, you just hand it off. Can you edit that? Yeah. Put that, I don't know, hit the upload button.

Exactly. Do you want to listen to it for it? Nope. Whatever you do to it, fine. Perfect. I think maybe they're trying to do, like, that interview thing where, like, somebody interviews somebody that they might know, like, so they have a shorthand already or whatever, but you're probably shorthand already or whatever,

but you're probably right. It's just like, man, this is great. We don't have to hire anybody. Yeah, this is awesome. This is what you're used to. But you did say something on it I found quite controversial. What was that? Not a Pitbull guy. I am not?

Yeah. Did I say it? Oh, the artist. There was confusion in the podcast as well. Oh, definitely not a Pitbull guy. Confusion. I was like, no, I like Doug's. How can you have seen a Pitbull concert?

Because I don't know if you're a Patriots fan. I'm a Patriots fan. And we've been lucky enough to go to a couple Super Bowls, go to the after parties. Awesome. And I saw Pitbull live at the Pat's Super Bowl party after the Falcons game. It was the most electric thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I'm convinced he shoots beats out of his hands. He's just like a superhero.

It's like, boom, boom, boom. a superhero After that I fell in love with the guy You really? I'm not going to put him on my Spotify If I get an opportunity to go to a Pitbull concert I'll consider it for a second before saying no Which is the best you can get for any plans with us Maybe Probably not

He's Mr. Worldwide, Mr. 305 How do you not like Pitbull? I'm a contrarian fucker. And so anything that is like popular when I find out about it, I immediately will be like, well, we'll see. I mean, how could all those millions of people be right? So, yes, I am that way to begin with. But what. So this came from I actually I played in a golf tournament. Yeah.

It was Tony Robbins, right? Well, this is the thing, is that at the intro for the, the intro for the Pitbull show that I was at, because it was like a part of the golf tournament that I went to go see, which again, I wouldn't have put these two things together, but there they are. And, and, and there's like this video intro and it's like, you know, the video's like in space and like all these words start coming up. They're like, you know, entrepreneur, worldwide sensation.

Like they're shooting. Goddamn right. Like they're shooting to where, and I'm like, there is this, and okay, I'm just going to say it. I like leaned over to Ray Romano and I don't know Ray Romano and Ray Romano does not give one half of a shit about me and I die

sue I super doubt that he even had any idea that I was a person that even worked in the business at all but I was like this feels like am I at a fucking Tony Robbins like convention because this really feels like a self-help thing because it was all about how like he created the force that became of whatever and using the power of he and the power of you and like whatever all of these kinds of sentences that you say if you're tony robbins and that was it was unsettling and it's really unsettling and then he comes out and he does one of the songs where everybody's partying and hey oh and then at the end of the song he's like how'd you like that video my friend tony robbins helped me make that video and i was like i was right and i left i fucking walked i do i turn and walked out

and then i saw that like joe theismann had been like saw pitbull last night can't miss that guy's shows and i was like all right that seems that seems right checks out checks out that that you know people was backstage like in a mirror just repeating exactly the words on that getting himself gasped i'm an entrepreneur i'm mr worldwide yes he is by the way all correct things but like again i think there is always something i will enjoy about somebody that's like you know what i have the confidence to do this thing because i could not do what he does i don't exactly know what. Pitbull has the confidence to tuck in his shirts. I don't have that. Can you believe that?

And he wears pants without a belt? It's crazy. White pants, white shoes, no belt, tucked in. Why not? I tried to tuck in my shirt for the first time since high school the other day. I'm never doing that shit again. Oh, yes. I would like to see that.

I'm sitting here right now with a shirt that's tucked in, and this entire day I've felt awful. It's not my thing, but we have to do it and i get it but but there is that like when he's like on a private jet he's probably like yeah this this makes sense like this is where i should be and like i have had a very few experiences where it's the whole time i was like i this this i'm a fucking imposter you know like he just believed like oh these good things are happening to me for a reason because i'm a good person and i deserve them whenever a good thing happens to me it's like you're a piece of shit and this was an accident.

The universe fucked up. The universe fucked up. Very true. Very, very true. You had something interesting you said too is you are – you're coming off social media and – not coming off, but you're down on it. I'm down on it. And I think everyone in the world can agree. Can I say that I was just at Twitter?

I'm looking at a publicist being like, can I say that I was just at Twitter? And all I would talk about at Twitter headquarters was that they were like, okay, look into the camera and say something like this. And I was like, you should delete your account. This app should be erased from existence. Exactly. And yeah, it was a lot of that. But you had something genius because I've tried to just go less on it. Just last night when I was watching the screeners, i was like okay just just watch the show just put your phone down and just focus on what's happening on television right now because that's entertaining

you that's enough that's enough stimulation for your stupid brain and i i couldn't do it i kept checking and you did something genius i thought where you gave tony hale that asshole your past what a prick that guy he. He's the worst. I went up to him. You made him change it. I made him change it. And the reason that I haven't just deleted it completely is because there are like, I find it's useful not only for trying to get some word out about

the show, like obviously that's important, but they have like a bunch, they don't need my help. They're HBO and they have a lot. I don't even know why you're here to be. People are going to watch Veep're gonna watch veep like oh wow i wasn't going to and then the sixth guy on the call sheet mentioned that maybe i should check it out and that's what put me over the edge the like i like i try to fundraise my wife is a public school teacher she works at performance high school obviously it's in los angeles or obviously it's in los angeles so obviously it is just sort of underfunded that's how public schools go these days so i try to

raise money for her school um you can use it for good i can i try to use it for good but when i am not using it for those things i will get i will go to tony hale and i will make him change my password so that i don't know it and that provides the mental block of not even looking because i think that i i just you get caught up in these things that you get caught up in like the whatever the conversation is surrounding that day like that thing of like oh we decided to destroy carrots today like that joke about like people wake up let's destroy carrots cool and and like that's not my joke that's somebody else's but um but there is that thing like i don't want to use it as a barometer

like oh like twitter reacts to xyz i don't want to use that as a barometer people are saying like well five idiots that you found are saying yeah so i'm trying to search out you search the phrase you wanted them to be saying exactly and then you created a story around it and so i don't want to use that as the barometer for anything i something can be awful without a Twitter barometer maybe they're right that something is awful but I don't know I'm trying not to use it find a nut sort of thing like they might be right but it's not because of

it is always so interesting talking to people who just who do that like my dad he's never been on social media and I'll say things that I think are the biggest deal in the entire world and they'll be like I have no idea what you're talking about. Like, did you see X today? And he's like, what are you talking about?

What are you talking about? It doesn't affect regular people. There are 100,000 people on Twitter, and you all just yell at each other all the time. Yeah. I don't know what you mean. This is a great thing. One thing that I found out is that you get off of it for a little while. And I went on when I logged back in.

Pardon me. When I logged back in, because we were i logged back in because we were really we're starting like all the press for the show and all that um uh i saw something from ben shapiro like somebody was mad about something of course they were mad about something because he says so much bullshit but it was ben shapiro and i was like i forgot that guy existed and i got to live in this beautiful world where that dude just did not exist and his garbage didn't exist. It was wonderful. And now I'm like looking forward to the,

when I can like give Tony my phone back and be like, I don't want to see my savage. I'm doing that with you now. Okay. It's great. All right. And I will say, I will also say this.

I have been enjoying things a little bit more in that. Like, it sounds awesome. Like when I'm watching shows that I like, I'm not, I'm not in life. Yeah. Enjoy.

No, I've never enjoyed it. It's been a slog since the first day. Um, but, but like when I'm watching a television show to distract me from the fact that I'm a deeply unhappy person, I'm not also distracted by the phone during the show.

You know what I mean? Like that thing that you're talking about, like just let the entertaining thing entertain you. Like I'm also then not pulled to another thing that I need to distract me, and that's been good. Well, luckily Veep is about as entertaining as it gets, and I feel like the feedback is all good. So I feel like even Veep is even Twitter bulletproof.

It's that funny. The season seven final season premiere is this Sunday. I mean, like I said, you don't even need my recommendation on our put. You're going to watch. You're going to have it, though. I'm going to give you my seal of approval. I say Veep is good.

Yeah, the Emmys and all that are nice, too, but I say it's good. And Jonah Ryan is one of the all-time funniest characters. Also, by the way, real quick at the end, I mean, the step stuff is unbelievable. That's also, like, predictive. That's, like, the hot thing in porn right now. Have you seen the front page of Pornhub?

It's impossible to go to the front page of Pornhub and not feel incestual. And you guys had that, too. There was a reference to that at one point where Jonas says something like, when there's trouble with his family, like, in those first couple episodes, he does say something like, this is all way hotter in pornography. And it is. Like, it is, man. And it is.