KFC Radio - Tom Brady Built Foxborough From the Ground Up

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

- Feits reacts to Tom Brady's official retirement and works out his feelings about Brady not thanking Patriots fans - Feits recounts his most recent doctors office visit - Feits learns something awesome about one of his favorite Sunny Scenes on the Always Sunny Podcast - AITA - Gay rats dress - responsible for brother - girl inherits house Voicemails - slugging - where have you been banned from? - how crazy is too crazy? - Ryan Long Interview including the funniest pranks they pulled as kids, being bad at cryptocurrency, Joe Rogan, and much more. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 0:00 - Brady actually retires 17:19 - Feits Dr appt. 32:51 - Always Sunny Pod 38:57 - AITA 1:00:49 - Video Voicemails 1:17:17 - Ryan Long Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 800 Flowers: Go to https://barstool.link/1800FlowersBSS, click the radio icon, and enter code kfc. Helix Sleep: Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at https://barstool.link/HelixKFC Baked By Melissa: Head to https://barstool.link/BakedByMelissaBSS to order your Valentine’s Day gifts now. Would : Shop Would at https://barstool.link/wouldBSS or at your local CVS.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. She's behind the bulletproof bag. subscribe to the podcast k KFC Radio on YouTube. Bang. You good? You doing the thing yet? No, I wasn't. You good?

No, no. Are we actually recording? No, we're actually good. You good? Everyone's good? You good? You good? I'm good.

I fucking knew it. All right. Welcome, welcome. It is KFC Radio. I'm still by myself. I'm not really by myself. I'm in a room full of people. But Kevin's not here, is what I mean.

You might end up monologuing a bit again. You might monologue a bit again. I'll probably monologue a little bit sometime. I mean, because here's the deal. It's Tom Brady Day. So there is no one to get on a ski lift with and tell fun stories. In fact, there's only sadness today. There's sadness and there's confusion.

A lot of anger. And Pabst hasn't felt like this since the first time Colin Kaepernick took a knee. So I'll just give my thing. It's not going to take long. If you didn't tune in to listen to me talk about Tom Brady, I would skip ahead five minutes. Say I am going to need to talk about therapy before I have a real opinion. So I honestly can't be honest with you. I genuinely believe if you are upset that Tom Brady didn't wish the fans thank you, you're a loser. I honestly think that.

But here's the other side of the coin is that it is such a calculated move to not thank the fans. Not even fans. To not thank New England because he is part thank the fans. Not even fans. To not thank New England. Because he is part of the region. He truly is like a second father to basically I would say anyone older than me

I think probably kind of raised themselves a little bit with their own father. But Brady played a part in my age and younger. That's kind of one of my earlier sports memories. I remember going to the uh 94 all-star game and then i have you know little things here and there but one of my very sharpest earliest sports memories is the venetian kick and tom brady and the super bowl yeah and that is from then on i like i have i have memories of before that where like my best friend was a Yankees fan growing up,

and his family was all New York fans. And I remember being laughed at and being the loser. It's like, oh, it's Boston. Boston fans, you guys suck. You'll always lose. You're losers, and you're never going to accomplish anything. And I only got a taste of that. I'm not going to pretend I'm one of those people who thought I was going to die without ever seeing a championship.

I had a little bit longer than you, but I had Cubs, Bears, Blackhawks. Once the Blackhawks started winning, it was like, oh, this is fun. But Brady, he fixed that. And I truly think that what the Patriots did then made every other franchise go get one. Because they were like, oh, shit, the Patriots are... Who were an afterthought of a franchise in the grand scheme of Boston sports. Everyone was like,, oh shit, the Patriots are, who were an afterthought of a franchise in the grand scheme of Boston sports, that everyone was like, oh fuck, the Patriots are winning, that means we need to win.

So everyone went out, started spending, started winning. That's what started two decades of dominance in Boston. Brady is the founding father of that. So you can't get rid of him. You can't be angry. The people who are like, fuck you, I'm mad at Tom Brady now, that's insane! That's insane.

That's insane. It truly is. It's crazy. Because your thanks are in the fucking, your thank yous are in the trophy case back at Gillette. Yeah. At Patriot Place. Your thank yous came fucking, where is it? Your thank yous came two years ago when Tom Brady said,

I wanted to say thank you to all the incredible fans and Patriot supporters. Massachusetts has been my home for 20 years. It has truly been the happiest two decades I could have envisioned in my life, and I have nothing but love and gratitude for my time in New England. The support has been overwhelming. I wish every player could experience it. My children were born and raised here, and you always embrace this California kid as your own. I love your commitment and loyalty to your teams,

and winning for our city means more than you will ever know. I can't thank you enough for the support of our team, the packed training camps and sold-out stadiums, and mostly the victory parades. I have been so blessed to share them with you all. I tried to represent us always in the best and most honorable way, and I fought hard with my teammates to help bring victory and triumph in even the most dire situations.

You opened your hearts to me, and I opened mine to you, and Patriots Nation will always be a part of me. That's what he said when he left. So that's about as heartfelt a thank you as you can get. And he's not leaving the Patriots today. He's leaving the Bucs. He retires a Buc. As I said last episode, I thought one day contracts are dumb and lame.

So today he's parting ways with the Bucs. That's who we thank, them and his family and his agent, I believe. Do you think people would be losing their shit if Shefford didn't jump the gun on it? And I feel like because everybody went out of their way to say how much they love him the other day, that now they feel salty that he didn't just say it. No, it's so clear. It's so clear it always would have been a thing, no matter when this happened. I think that maybe – and here's the thing.

I am clearly – I'm going to be all opposed to this because I'm clearly not coming to terms with what's happening. I am grasping at straws. I don't fully comprehend the situation. I really don't because it doesn't – he's such a calculated person. He's such a thoughtful person that it's not an accident. No, absolutely not. It's not. It's something that was meant to be done, was leave all of New England out of this.

So my rationalization of it is, one, Schefter moved up his timeline. He wanted to tweet this post closer to a bigger Patriots thing, be it a man in the arena special or, I don't know, something. Or two, I really don't know. But no matter what you think, fans of other teams are having their fun being like, he fucking hates you guys. I don't think he does. He can't possibly.

No, there's no way he hates the fans. He clearly has a gripe with the organization. I don't think with the organization. Him and Belichick have their issues. But they're not the first coach and quarterback to have issues with each other. But the thing that sticks out to me in the biggest possible way is that Tom Brady is a businessman. Arguably one of the best in the history of sports. He has equity in multiple businesses.

And the most important one to him is the TB12 business, the TB12 brand. The TB12 brand, if you look it up, is headquartered at Patriot Place in Foxborough, Massachusetts. He's not going to burn an entire franchise where his brand lives and was born and will die. It's not going. What's his name? You ready for this? What? Tom Brady is planning to sign a one-day contract with the New England Patriots

and retire with the franchise with which he played for 20 years. He spoke with Robert Kraft this morning and will fly to Massachusetts for a ceremony. Who is this from? This is from Wes Goldberg. I don't know if this is real, but he is a podcaster on Locked on Heat. He's a verified account. And then we have this report.

No, Tom Brady isn't signing a one-day contract. That might be bullshit then. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. My argument isn't that he loves doing it, though he does. Kevin was like, he just hates it. He hates you guys. He lived here for

20 years. He wasn't handcuffed here. We didn't keep him in a basement. He could have left at any time. He didn't have to keep taking less money to stay here. He took less money almost every year his whole fucking career to stay here and win here. So he doesn't dislike it here. That's a crazy argument. In a rational brain, you can't just be like, Tom Brady hates the people of New England. That's lunacy.

Yeah, there's no way. So it has – and he's a smart businessman, so he's not going to cut out an entire region, although people with a brain wouldn't be like, I hate this man now, but some people are. It is weird. I guess I'm going to be all over the place because it is weird. It's weird. It's weird to just intentionally leave everything out.

It's weird to leave the Brady floor out. Come on, man. But the – Like I'm hoping now that he's retired, he just totally acknowledges that. I know that he liked the one tweet the one time. Because you know he knows about it. We've talked to other people there who are like, yeah. I've heard through the grapevine that if Tom were to do something with Barstool,

it's probably in this room. Whoa. Whoa. Jesus. Jesus. But the, and I'm sure part of it might take two. I'm sure part of it might take two. But that's. Dude, that would be the one thing to get us to clean in here.

Fuck no. It comes in here. We just put a fake Edelman's dip spit. Oh, I forgot to fucking mention my lips i am i have uh i just kelly key just came in here and gave me like lips the plumper so my lips might look called it lip venom sorry if you're watching on the youtube and i fucking look hot you're welcome um but the whole the whole thing it just it's very knee-jerk it's very reactionary but it was all it was intentional so anything So anything that's happening to him right now, he knew was going to come.

I mean, the picture of him that he used in the Bucs jersey – Is against the Patriots. He's beating the Pats. Yeah. So that doesn't happen by accident. It's all intentional. I just don't know what the intent is for. Yeah.

Because it's not just like, here, I hate New England. That's not it. No, and the fact that he – what? He just quote tweeted something that said, like, thank you to New England. Yeah, but that's – I don't like that. That makes me suspicious. Why are you walking it back? If you had a grander plan, just stick to the grander plan.

I think Schefter's drop, Schefter's scoop, moved up a timeline. Definitely. And he had something bigger. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just fucking hoping against hope. But it is, like, it would be weird. It would be, i wouldn't know how to handle it if tom just like it like i don't know but that's not the case it's not the case

i feel like mac right now like no that's not true that's not true when the gang gets analyzed oh that's bullshit that's bullshit he loves me he loves me um but it is crazy just how the world the world changes like if you if you could go back to tom Tom Brady in the year 2000 and you say, Tom, close your eyes for a second. You are going to have a career that spans 22 years. You're going to win. If you broke that career down, it's three separate Hall of Fame careers you're going to have. It's crazy. You're going to win six Super Bowls for one franchise.

You're going to go win a seventh for a different franchise. And on the day you retire, the franchise you spent 20 years with is going to be mad at you over an Instagram post. He'd be like, what are you talking about? What about all the first stuff you said? What about the six Super Bowls I won for them and three Hall of Fame careers in 20 years? They'd be like, it doesn't matter.

You put up an Instagram and you didn't say thank you to them. He'd be like, yeah, it doesn't matter. You put up an Instagram and you didn't say thank you to them. He'd be like, what are you talking about? Do we think this could all end up being like an ad again? No. Like he was trying to...

It's too big for an ad. It's too big for an ad. It's too big a moment. Well, he did it the one time where he... It was the black and white picture at Foxborough and it was like

that ad for a Super Bowl commercial and it ended up being... Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that. That was for Man in the Arena, I think. No, it wasn't for Man in the Arena. Yeah, I don't know. I forget what that was for a Super Bowl commercial ended up being. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that. That was for Man in the Arena, I think. No, it wasn't for Man in the Arena. Yeah, I don't know. I forget what that was for.

I'm thinking of what possible spin zone it could be where he's like, I just forgot a slide. But even that was like joking on what he was. That was his future. His future has been stated. That was like everything was up in the air. No one knew what was going on. This is like, I'm done.

Didn't that say he's staying to play with the Patriots? No, that was the year he air. No one knew what was going on. This is like, I'm done. Didn't that say he's staying to play with the Patriots? No, no, no. That was the year he left. That was the Super Bowl and then I think in March he left. I really don't know. It's probably kind of boring to listen to because I don't have a hard stance. I'm confused.

I don't know what to think of it. I hope that in the next coming hours he announces that he's going to do, like you said he has that docuseries about him. Maybe this is just a tease for that, being like, everything gets answered here. That would be a very smart way to promote all that. It would, but also, to be honest, and it hurts to say, man in the arena did not get much play because it's a big in boston

and like i'm aware of i think it's it did and it gets compared to the last dance one last dance happened in pandemic times yeah and two is on espn not espn plus and three it was a retired player not an active player so there are a lot of different things that but man in the arena isn't like some i don't i don't think people like need one more episode. I don't think it's gotten that kind of reception. The coolest thing I heard come out of it was the year after, the year of Deflategate when Brady said it's an FEA year. And someone off camera went, what's FEA? He went, fuck them all. And that's when he went out and just burned down the league. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. God, I love that guy.

So Dave was talking about, we did the rundown last night. Go check it out if you want to. But Dave was like, he's done. He'll be dead to me if there is an acknowledgement of him. I can't go that far. Because Dave is a little older, so Dave has other... My sports memory starts with Tom Brady.

I'm 33 now. I'm supposed to have my own family. I don't know how he can be dead to Dave. Well, I said that Brady. I'm 33 now. I'm supposed to have my own family. I don't know how he can be dead today. Well, I said that too. I said on a personal level. This whole company. I do not. I've achieved.

I don't exist without Tom Brady. Yeah. Professionally, I've achieved things that I can't. I never imagined. I have a job that I didn't know existed. And didn't. Growing up, it's all I could have wanted. What I do right now. All I could have wanted. Yeah. And Tom Brady, he didn't know existed and didn't like growing up. I, I, it's all I could have wanted when I am, what I do right now.

All I could have wanted. Yeah. And Tom Brady, it didn't provide it, but he played a humongous factor. Tom Brady doesn't exist. This doesn't exist. No.

Yeah. So I'm tremendously thankful forever, but it is, it's just weird. I don't know why, but he's a weird guy, man. He like,

he loves the four agreements and he's like, close one door before you open another. Like, seal stuff off. So I think today he said goodbye to the Bucs. And maybe his goodbye to football is greater. I mean, because Kevin was saying he said goodbye to Donnie. Donnie's his agent. He said goodbye to Bruce Aarons. Bruce Aarons coaches the Bucs.

It was a very Bucs goodbye, hence the Bucs picture. I think something more. I hope there's something more. But at the same time, if there's nothing more, it doesn't bother me. I think if you are genuinely upset, I think you're a loser. This will change nothing. It will be weird.

I will think about it. I'll be like, what the hell was that all about? But I won't be offended or sad. Did you see, as a Patriots fan was trending, because so many people were so funny about that. Greer's like, I't be offended you see as a patriots fan was trending because so many people were so funny yeah grier's like i'm gonna start tweeting some real offensive shit yeah as a patriots fan it's it is it's it's wild i just don't i don't know i really i don't know it's bizarre um but whatever Move on to funny things. Happier things. Huh?

What'd you say? Nothing. Just laughing. He said happier things. This is KFC Radio. I didn't know we do happier things. Well, we do happier things. We do ad reads for 1-800-Flowers, which is love. We love love around here. We're romantics. There's a reason you go to 1-800-Flowers.com on Valentine's Day, because when you need a gift that's guaranteed to wow, 1-800-Flowers has you covered.

We need to send Tom Brady's flowers no matter what. Remember that. Tom Brady gave so much. And for some reason kind of weirdly said did not thank us. This whole episode you're going to be going back and forth. It is. We're going to be going back and forth It's going to be It is We're going to be in the middle of something else And you're just going to be like

Can you fucking say things I said Like I said I was like I can't I know you're probably Trying to play both sides

But I have to work this out in therapy Before we talk about it Yeah Which is Which is a testament to his greatness I had to talk to my therapist About Tom Brady A guy I watch on TV

I have to fucking talk to a therapist But But Sorry Right now 1-800-Flowers has an amazing offer for the listeners Get 18 stem enchanted rose medley For $39.99 Or upgrade to 24 red roses

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That's 1-800-Flowers.com code KFC. You have to do it. We've done this before, but just pause the show, go do it now. It takes 35 seconds, probably, maybe a minute, I don't know. You will not be in a fight on Monday, February 14th.

That's it. You want to know how I know February 14th is a Monday? It's because that's when I have another Dodgersth. That's it. You want to know how I know Monday is a February, February 14th is a Monday? It's because that's when I have another doctor's appointment. Let's go. All right, so we, a little update on the doctor visit yesterday.

I was there for you. I was, like, we were editing the episode being like, all right, he said, leave all this, let's leave all this, but, like, we don't know

what happened. Like, and the last thing we got from you was you and Scrubs at, like, pretty late at night yeah i was at doctors for like seven hours yeah you were there for a long time and i'm like oh shit he's just about to go get tested no that was that was my third different doctor i went to for like different tests um but i'm fine first of all i'm fine that is like well that's good i want everyone to be clear about that i'm fine um nobody tweeted about that today everyone tweeted them with their shoe yeah gang gang um the but it was it was the complete opposite so i went to see an internist

and uh it was what an internist like internal oh okay. And the, yeah, it's good you don't. It's not something you're supposed to know is a thing. But the dude, so my last doctor was, like, a very flamboyantly gay, the opposite of Zach. Very flamboyantly gay young man who was, likery and all about stuff and so i'm i'm not like nervous but there's like i was totally fine and then like you know three minutes you get in the doctor's office you're like oh yeah all right i think this is this is more serious than i'm leaning on and uh i'm sitting there and this i mean like this man was like a hundred years old comes in this is this little little like hunchback like comes in he's wearing like

scrubs like like he's got a suit on like a blazer and stuff but he also has like the surgery gown over it and he comes in all huddled over and he's like now what's your name i was like what's my name dude like you haven't done i mean like a little bit of breakfast. And so we started talking, and he's asking me my profession. And that's always a hard question to answer, whether or not you're talking to a person who was born before the turn of the century. Like, it was, he's like, so work in sports, like kind of. I have a podcast. I do a podcast. Yeah.

It was podcast, huh? Does Neil Young like your podcast? And I was like, oh, yeah, Neil loves it. And he goes. He might not. But he was so old that he was like, I just don't understand that whole situation. Like, I've never heard of this Rogan guy. Why is Neil Young giving him fans for?

Oh, my God. And I'm like, hey, you know, it sucks. And then everything's taking so, you know, it sucks. And then everything's taking so long because he's so old. Yeah. And I'm sitting on that bench that doesn't have a fucking back. And my back gets sourced and like that. So I'm kind of getting up. I'm just like walking around the room.

So I'm just like, I'm basically just talking with this old man as I stroll around the room. And he's finally like, would you mind sitting down for me? And I was like, do I have to? He's like, I'd be more comfortable if you sit down. All right, man, I'll fucking sit down. And then his phone rings. Dude, his phone is the loudest ring you've ever heard. He has like an add-on, like a bump stock for a fucking ringtone.

It's like, ding dong, ding dong. And he answers it, which befuddled me. He just answers it. Hello? I was like, what is happening right now? And he goes, honestly, God, I think it must have been his financial advisor. Because he's like, oh, my God, is there anything we can do to battle back on this? And he's got his hand over his head, and I'm standing again.

I've now disobeyed his wishes. I've stood up again. I'm like, I'm not going to keep fucking sitting here while this guy's talking to his financial advisors on the phone. He's leaning back, and he's just like, okay. The only things I got from the conversation, I'm like, I must be a financial advisor. Very odd. But so then. That or based on that, he getting sued by for malpractice

he's like is there any way this dude's the man he was cool as hell right because he started swearing with me because he knew i was down to ride me right so he goes so he gets gets me down he starts fucking punching my stomach and stuff yeah and he goes uh he's like does that hurt that i was like no he goes can't be that bad then. I was like, okay. And then he gets out this machine that, like, they kind of jam into my ribs and, like, find my liver over here. And it thumps you. It kind of hits you.

I don't know what the machine's called, but, like, it reads my liver numbers. And he goes, I don't know what you're even doing here your liver's just fine and i was like i was like really like we're gonna take blood work just in case but like your liver's fine i was like oh all right sick so so he leaves nurse comes in we'll call her nina nurse nina comes in and you know how they give blood like those little vials right she's carrying like a hundred of them she's carrying like like two hands like a stack like if you had a fucking uh a cup of pens and you wanted to carry them all and you had to grab it like that that's how many vials she's carrying and she's gonna drain you real quick and she's like she's like would you rather lay down

or sit up and i was like I'm fine sitting He comes back in the room And he goes Oh John you're a big strong man But I'd lay down for this one And then he leaves the room again And she goes You don't have to lay down if you don't want to

And then I feel like she's challenged me Yeah right I can't fucking lay down now She's gonna think I'm a pussy And he just called me a big strong man So I'm sitting there As like I'm a pussy and he just called me a big strong man so so I'm sitting there as like I'm just dumping blood out and she's she's like as soon as it starts she's like so do you you work out and I was like yeah I'm

really I'm like in a tight t-shirt at this point I'm feeling fucking good Carhartt teach you got your arms right like jacked up and i just like you work out i was like yeah i work out because crossfit i was like nah i don't do crossfit it's like it's a whole thing you know like just people get too excited about it yeah it's become a hateable thing she's like i get it i get it do you run at all and i was like nah you know i'm not much of a runner i got shinspins back in high school and no never really came. I did cross country one fall. I was trying to get in shape for hockey season and just thinking my legs really never recovered from that.

She goes, so what do you do? I was like, I like to work out at home. It's not much of a commute. It's easy to jump in the shower. I can kind of do other things. I can cook. I can clean while I'm exercising. She's like, nice.

So what do you do? I was like, well, I do curls. I have 30-pound dumbbells. I have 10- do other things. I can cook. I can clean while I'm exercising. And she's like, nice. So what do you do? I was like, well, I do curls. I have 30-pound dumbbells. I have 10-pound dumbbells. And I kind of just do various body weight exercises throughout the day with those. So how much do you lift? I was like, well, you know, that's a tough question to answer because I've never really maxed out on it. And if I went to a gym, I could probably lift a lot more than just the 30-pound dumbbells that I have.

But that's all I have to work with, so I kind of do what I can with those weights, and I'm going on and on about how I... You know, it's really tough to gauge. Corey G would be so happy. And she finally just goes, I'm just making sure you don't pass out. I don't really care about you.

I was like, either this ends with you taking home a nurse. No, no. It's just the most polite moment. I was like, God damn, Nina's hot for fucking me. She sees the arms popping. Nina wants a slice of John Feidelberg. And she's like, I'm just making sure you don't pass out, dude. This meathead's going to talk about his curls and his dumbbells for 30 minutes.

I could just keep him going while we take more blood than necessary. I just want to make sure your brain's still working you're not losing it was fucking horrible but then another nurse comes in she's essentially like a stripper that talks to you about a trip just like it's like no she wants your money dude she's not interested in doesn't give a fuck about you but then they the doctor comes back in sees me sitting up because his phone had rang again so it's going ding dong ding dong and in my head i'm like oh my god he is gonna fucking come in here he's gonna see me disobeying his orders yet again sitting up instead of laying down he comes in answers the phone so he's sitting there leaning back in his chair well nurse is talking to me about my workout regimen.

And then he hangs up the phone and he's like, so, you know, your liver's all set. How else are you? And I was like, I'm good. He goes, honestly, there's just an 80-year-old woman in the other room and she won't stop talking about how she found a new husband on Plenty of Fish and I can't deal with it anymore. Plenty of Fish is still around? I'm sure I've heard of it before

but I just never knew of it. Oh, it's a Christian site. Like the fish is the Jesus fish. Oh, yeah. Plenty of Fish is an old Christian dating site. And if you've heard the way my doctor speaks

in my voice, I don't think he would have welcomed on this site. He's more of a J-date fella. And so he's like, you're fine. I was like, let's go to the bar. He's like, no, I don't think so, John. And so he goes, but, you know, you might as well just get an MRI, just do a test, just to make sure everything's okay.

And I was like, all right, let's do it. And then I went to get the MRI. That took forever. But one thing I learned, the MRI, I was in the MRI machine for like an hour. It was nuts. I was just trying to fall asleep as a contest. Didn't do it. Didn't win.

MRI machine won. But while I was in there, I was thinking just like of levels of anxiety. My level went from one, how do people in California get MRIs? What do you mean? Because wouldn't they think it's going to be an earthquake and it's all going to fall on them and they're going to get collapsed and trapped and die? Oh, yeah. Huh? You've thought about that before? Well, yeah. I've thought about that. Huh? I've thought about that before.

You've thought about that before? Well, I've thought, yeah. I've thought about that. I think I know. Fair point. Yeah. And in an MRI once, but like it's actually, I think about that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. How does anyone in California go to the doctors?

You think you get something really far up you or something really hard on you. Those are the two things that happen to the doctor in California. And then the second thing of anxiety was as I was walking out and he was like, he's like, yeah, and just like follow up with your doctor in a day or two. And I was like, wow, what did you see? And he's like, no, I'm like a technician. Like, I don't see anything. I was like, then why did you say it like that?

He's like, I didn't say like anything man I just told you follow up with your dog that's my friends an x-ray attack she's like I just I just do the extra yeah I don't know I don't tell me to follow like I was gonna follow my doctor so why'd you tell me to because now it's like what the fuck was that about yeah dude I don't I'm a day or two like that's how this they call me back this morning and they were like, the doctor already got your x-rays. He'd like to move up your appointment.

And I was like, what do you mean? Is it urgent? And they were like, oh, no, no, no, no. It's just like he thought it was going to take two weeks for you to be able to get into the MRI and get the things back to him. It all happened very quickly. You went last night, and he got them back, so you can come see him next week if you want.

And I was like, alright. You should have said it more clearly. Because that's why I'm against the fucking hi, the yo, the John text messages. Because when I get a yo or a hi... It's funny that yo has become

that though. Where it's like yo, something real dark is about to be said. Dude, I fucking, honest to God, here's where my mind goes. When I get a yo text message with no fucking filler afterwards, I think that my fifth grade girlfriend has found out that I held Elizabeth's hand when we were dating and she murdered my family. That's what I think. I actually have a full story about this.

So in my sophomore year of college, I still hadn't come out yet. But I had come out to just my friends, and I had – Oh, yeah, you must have had anxiety all the time. So I had – but I was talking to this girl. I was trying to date who is now my best friend. But I was talking to this girl, and we were trying to date. Obviously, it was not working out for obvious reasons. And so I had told my friends – and so I i told my friends like two days before or whatever i get this text and it says

hey i have a question and i was like oh no this is it so i literally gathered my friends around i was like what the fuck do i do like what do i say because i wasn't sure if i was gonna tell her yet if i was just gonna break things off without telling her this and so we literally make up like pros and cons of me telling her whether i'm gay or not. And then I say, okay, what's the question? She said, do you think Zion Williamson is going to stay another year? And I went, oh, my God, I'm going to fucking kill myself right now. It was the most anxiety I remember I've ever had because I was like, I think she's going to be pissed at me or something. I don't even know.

But, yeah, it was brutal. That makes sense. That's really the moral of the story here. This whole doctor's visit leads to this. Don't send yo, hi, sup text. Send your message. Yeah. Send it.

That's my favorite. The only reason I told the whole doctor's story was just to tell that. Don't fucking. I got it again the other day. Fucking Dante Dian. I don't know how to say your name, to be totally honest. I've known him a while. I've known him forever. I've known him as Dante. Dante Dianna. I don't know how to say your name, to be totally honest. You've known him a while. I've known him forever.

I've known him as Dante. Dante Dianna. It's Dianna. Dante Dianna. Stop doing it, Dante. You fucking do it all the time. I've told you a million times. Stop doing it.

Stop doing it. You're just going to get hit with yo text from everybody that works here now. And I'll delete your phone from my phone number and delete you from my life. I don't need that, man. I don't need that anxiety in my life. Especially when it's just like the first text is just yo yeah it's insane it's insane that anyone sends like text messages like that i think we've talked about it probably ad nauseum but i don't fucking care it's nuts anyway um so you're good circle back your liver is fine? Yo, fine.

Dude. Fine. I've done Russian steroids. I'm so impressed. I've done Russian steroids, and I drank while doing them. And they were like, bro, your liver is solid. We need to study you. They were like, they were bad. They were like, it's like, I might have whatever numbers they were reading.

I might be unhealthy the other way. They were like, I might have whatever numbers they were reading. I might be unhealthy the other way. They were like, I don't know. And then he was like, check it again. And it went down. It was 239, and it went down to 232. And they're like, it's going down. I don't know what that means. What's like a normal number?

Just put liver numbers 232. I would probably give you what kind of machine I was on or whatever. Yeah, we don't even know what kind of test I was taking. But whatever it was, they were very baffled. They were like, you're fine, bro. You really were just taking your liver to the gym to train it. It's just the strongest fucking thing on the planet now. Nothing to destroy.

Well, see, he did use the word we have to find out how necrotic my pancreas is. Necrotic's a scary word. Necro is a prefix. Not great. I only know Necronomicon and Necrophilia, and both are about dead things. He said he was like, he's like, you're fine.

Don't worry about it. So I'm fine. We're all good. The interesting, another thing that happened, not the other thing that happened. I don't know. I don't know how to do segues I was listening to the Sunny Podcast

The other day And I found something Truly Unbelievable One of the greatest reveals I've ever learned in my life Really?

What episode were they talking about? It was This was not about an episode They were talking about Okay I forget what episode They were talking about I can tell I forget what episode they were talking about. I can find out for you.

While you're looking at that, I do just want to get on the record. I do think Glenn Howerton is going to be in an upcoming Marvel movie based on that interview we had with him where his hair was weird. And then he did the four tweet where he tweeted the number four, capital four. Oh, really? I think he's going to be in Fantastic Four really i think he's gonna be in fantastic four so rich they and like he's already been rumored to be reed richards or like dr doom and like both those like yeah i'd like to see him play a hero but i much prefer seeing him play a villain yeah

like and he did that in that um i think arch nemesis or whatever arch enemy the one that joe maganello promoted yeah yeah and i mean he fucking kills it playing a villain so I think Arch-Nemesis or whatever, Arch-Enemy, the one that Joe Manganiello promoted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, I mean, he fucking kills it playing a villain. So just wanted to get that on record before it gets, like, announced next week or some shit. That soon. So the episode was Mac bangs Dennis' mom. What happens is Glenn comes in hot, and they start talking about all the other times Glenn comes in hot for different things.

I think that was the episode. Honestly, the Glenn coming in hot spanned multiple episodes. This is when I was driving to Vermont, so I listened to a bunch of episodes. Coming in hot on the episodes, like when it opens? No, coming in hot just in the writer's room. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. So they were talking about how sometimes that gets turned into an episode. One of my favorite Sony episodes of all time is based on a true story.

Really? The serial defense. That happened to Glenn. Glenn got hit. He was eating cereal in his car. And he came in and he was ranting and raving about how someone had – That's unbelievable. Someone had crashed into him and destroyed his car. And he's like, and the worst thing is the interior is ruined.

I'm going to have to go through all the vents, get all the cereal out. And everyone was like, hang on a second. What do you mean by get the cereal out of the – That makes so much sense. Like the way he fucking plays that He's very passionate about it He was so mad about it in real life That it wasn't a real time thing They didn't like propose it as an episode right away

He went away on his honeymoon And they wrote the episode And when he came back they were like what do you think about this Because he was so mad that day They were like there's no talking to him in a state like this See that's I hope they film writers rooms and one day just release all those because all of that, I would watch that happen.

In real time, him getting the script and being like, the – oh, god damn. I mean, it's – can you imagine if like – I mean, it's one of the greatest episodes of all time. I watched it last night. I watched it again this morning because it's just... I watched it all the time. Is God a liar sometimes? Science is a liar sometimes. It's when

fucking Mac has to convince Charlie of his credibility again to believe in evolution. It comes back that evolution isn't real and convinces all of them. Dennis is like, do you really not believe in evolution anymore? He's got it all. He's got the stuff out there.

It's unreal. It's absolutely unreal. One of my favorite facts I've learned in a long time. Yeah, that's amazing. Some of the stories that we've had on here, I'm like, all right, we need to just package this into a TV show. That's the kind of shit. We were talking about some shit that

is not making vlogs or anything on the road trip that would be a great opener. We need to just fucking do this. Alright, Am I the Asshole? Is brought to you by... Am I the Asshole? Is brought to you by... am i the asshole is oh hell yeah oh hell yeah i got something awesome

it called cupcakes jack i made that one up myself too. My favorite part of this, and I know we're supposed to do these things like they're not scripts, but I'm going to do this one like it's a script because this copy is for four shows. For KFC Radio, Chicks in the Office, Plan Brie Uncut, and Token CEO. And if you can guess by those four shows, it is skewed to a feminine audience. So here goes.

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assholes assholes for not getting baked by melissa yes you are um am i the asshole for not letting my girlfriend wear her unique dress to a wedding? Let's find out. Do we have a picture of the dress? Negative. Okay. He describes it, though. Throw away account because she uses Reddit. My M25 girlfriend F30.

If you're 30, maybe don't be wearing unique dresses. That shit's for 22-year-olds. Nat has a very particular sense of style. Actually, I'm glad style's come up because I was thinking just as I was walking in today, I walked by two people who were very extravagantly dressed, like uniquely and flamboyantly, whatever. Yeah, uniquely is the word I use here. And they just weren't good-looking enough to be dressed like that.

People in this office? No, no, no, no. It was outside the office. And it was just like, I'm all for self-expression, but if you're ugly, just wear normal clothes and blend in. Where are we here? Picture Harley Finkel from Wizards of waverly place harper harper picture harper finkel from wizards away this says harley uh you'll get the idea don't get me wrong i never had a problem with that in fact i love the way she dresses because she loves

to do so and i am happy if she is happy happy wife happy life that's what i say i added that that's not in the script. The thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. Okay. That's a little much. No problem. Well. You're writing a Reddit post on a throwaway account, brother.

Yeah, I think it's a problem. It's cute. But now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme gay rat wedding. I don't know this one either. Okay. To my friend's wedding. He and his fiance are gay. I told her that is it really appropriate? The dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags, and a big I support gay rats on the front.

My friend is not a big fan of the way my girlfriend dresses. Obviously, he's gay and has style. And I think this dress may cause concern, may cause a certain uproar at the wedding. Now Nat is upset with me and is claiming that I am throwing water in her flame of creativity. Oh, boy. You should drown this woman in that water. The wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. Should I just let her go with the dress?

Am I the asshole in the situation? Okay, there are two updates. There's an update and a final update. This is the gay rat wedding. It's from Arthur. Yeah, they just two dudes got married in Arthur. All right. So they're the gay rat wedding. It's from Arthur. Two dudes got married in Arthur. They're the gay rats. The gay rat wedding

really has some negative undertones if I'm being honest. You're obviously not the asshole if you don't want your girlfriend to wear a I support gay rat fucking dress to a wedding. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to wear that t-shirt in the house. It's a heterosexual house. That's like fucking heterosexual house.

It's like Winston when he's dating the girl who's like raining cats and dogs. It's just too much. You're going way too over the top into a wedding. That's just crying for attention. There is obviously There's times to do that.

No doubt that I want attention never. Please subscribe subscribe There is There is There is no realm In which this is An acceptable thing to do And I honestly

If your girlfriend Really wants to wear this dress Find a middle ground Yeah Kill her and bury her How bad do you want to wear it She'll be with the rats How bad do you want to wear it I'll should be with the rats. How bad do you want to wear it?

I'll put it on you in your fucking coffin. Like that. I will fucking tie you up out back to a tree. I will let rats gnaw at your fucking flesh until you die. And I'll put that stupid goddamn fucking dress on you. And then I'll bury you in it. And your family can all see you in it before we put you into the ground forever. I think that you just gotta one-up her

and say if she's gonna do that, you gotta go with like a ten times more offensive meme. It's like if you're gonna wear a meme, I'm wearing a meme too. And you just like find that. Fucking KKK. Fine, yeah, fine. You can wear that. I'll wear a hood because I'm embarrassed to be with you. No, I don't want anyone to know

you're my girlfriend. So I'll wear a goddamn wizard clan outfit. You want to dress like the wizards of Waverly Place? I'll dress like the wizards of North Carolina. Oh, shit. I think that's fair. I think that's fucking fair. He's fucking fair He's not the asshole No Am I the asshole for not letting my girlfriend wear a rat costume to a wedding?

Yeah No fucking dude In no way Also I like how he's like I made a burner account from this And then he uses her name This is her name She's 30

I'm 25 I really want her to She likes to dress Bro you couldn't be It doesn't matter It's getting back to her. She wants to wear a rat dress meme to a wedding. Who could this be?

If there's two people doing that, they belong together. Oh, this girl. Her name's Nat. I'm Samantha. Yeah. He might as well be a different one. I saw another person. The first update.

There are two updates, but the first. Oh, sorry. No, no. It's okay. You can read it. Okay. I'll read the update. I saw another person The first update There are two updates But the first Oh sorry No no it's okay You can read it Okay I'll read the update But Well guys As many of you pointed out

In the comments Me getting a throwaway account Didn't help She found the post Guess I was too specific Guess I was too specific He says Guess I was too specific

About the rat dress My girlfriend wants to wear To a gay wedding Yeah How'd they find me i don't fucking are you fucking kidding me bro are you fucking kidding me you used her government name and said she likes to put on rat dresses people found out almost immediately yeah dude this guy hit send on the post went to take a piss She was standing outside the bathroom door

Like what'd you put up on the internet You got three texts from friends That's fucking nuts Describing what she looks like too So like a character that looks just like her It's like how are we gonna miss this You ever seen Jessica Day but chubbier On a children's show

That's exactly what my girlfriend looks like What's the second update Long Hello everyone I would like to thank you all for the judgment on a children's show. That's exactly what my girlfriend looks like. What's the second update? Long. Hello, everyone. I would like to thank you all for the judgment, advice, and opinions. It was really appreciated. So the conversation did not go well.

She was living with me for exposing her in this way. And although I showed her the comments, most important, the ones from the LGBTQIA community, that was pretty good, she refused to admit that her dress was a poor choice. But in fact, her way to, quote, appreciate the gays. That's just not, that's not, you can't say that. That's why she needs the F word.

Come on, although Queens will love it. Watch Queer Eye, it's okay. That did not sit well with me. Yep, that's good. You're an ally. Love can move mountains but cannot maintain a relationship with a homophobe. So now I am going to a wedding as a single, rat-free dress man. I did reach out to my friend and send him this post.

He thought the situation to be hilarious, but if she did show up in the dress, he would death kick us to the curb. I guess that is all. P.S. I am deeply sorry for misspelling Harpy's name. Whatever. So, yeah. Dude, you know what? That's what he should have fucking done, though.

Bro, you have to use your friends when you can. And be like, dude, my gay friends would hate that gay meme. So, that solves the fight. Like, don't. Dude, everything. Did he circle around with she's homophobic for this? Yeah, well, I think that was the... Or was she trying...

I believe it was because the line appreciate the gays. I don't think that makes her homophobic. No, I wouldn't say so. Because if she was doing... If she thought it was like gay people are going to like this... I think it's homophobic.

I don't know. That stuff's not in my realm. The whole reason that's a meme is because in Alabama they banned that episode of Arthur. So that's why it became a big cultural meme. Is he homophobic because he doesn't like it? Is that what she's saying? The point is

use your friends. Be like my gay friends would hate this gay thing and that's it. You're going to have fun at the wedding. Take home a bridesmaid that's not in a rat dress. Good luck. All right. Next voicemail. Whatever the fuck this is.

Am I the asshole for refusing to be responsible for my disabled brother's safety if there's an emergency at our school? Gang! Shit! Fucking hell yeah, dude! There's a school shooting. You expect me to take a ramp? You knew he didn't have the proper number. Was it?

Was it? Yeah, you knew he had too many chromosomes when he was in the second trimester. You still had them. This is on you. I thought you meant the kid in a wheelchair. I was thinking of physically. Oh, is it actually a wheelchair? All right, let's see.

My stepbrother. Oh, stepbrother. Come on, man. My stepbrother, 14 male, and I, 13 female, are in the same grade. Eighth. But different schools? He is physically disabled and requires a wheelchair to move around, but mentally

normal. Good note. My dad... By the way, he's not a retard or anything. My dad's only... That that next year he and I would be attending the same high school, and they'd try to place us in the same classes, and in case of emergency I could help them escape, i.e. fire drill, active shooter, etc. Nice that we're still going fire drill first. Yeah, yeah.

Active shooter's creeping up on it They said that although there's a school assigned Carer That's a weird word You don't see carer a lot, your brain says career first They are scared in case of a real emergency That that person would abandon him Or run away You think they might, I'm telling you, yeah um i get minimum wage to push this kid around i hear shots i'm going

first in uh in florida what was it parkland the cop who was outside was just like i'm not going there oh my god yeah yeah it was bad he got fired and then yeah fired. I think he was also prosecuted. Donald Trump tweeted that he was a coward. It was an old thing. Where are we here? So I can escape with him. I said no because, frankly, that's a really big responsibility that I don't want to handle. If there's an emergency, I don't want to be burdened by having to look around for my stepbrother and potentially get killed in the process. I need to escape.

And even if they told me to do that, in the case of a real emergency, I'd probably just run by myself anyways, and then they'd blame me. They're arguing that I should just agree because it's such a small possibility anyways, but I should value my stepbrother's life. I do. But no offense, I value mine a lot more. I mean, he's in a wheelchair, right? I added that. They said they'll give me some time to reconsider, but they're really disappointing me in my selfish list.

Am I the asshole? A couple of clarifications. These aren't updates, they're clarifications, so I'll give them now. A couple of clarifications. I've known my stepbrother for about a year. We are not close and I don't dislike him, but we're nowhere near family. Fair.

A good amount of comments have been about the way I write rather than the content of the post. Focus. What a 13-year-old girl. She snapped. Focus. Focus. On the classes issue,

they did not elaborate on the specifics on how that would occur since I shut the conversation down before they got into the reality of details. This is awesome dude i wish i had half the self-confidence this 13 year old girl does i'd fucking die for this dude i barely know it's because my parents asked me to and i don't want to have an awkward conversation oh definitely about it if they told me like he's still at the other school you have to go get him yeah i'd be like well yeah all right yeah we're siblings now I guess it is but here's what she's missing bulletproof stuff in the wheelchair and then you push them out and it's a what was that video game we step on the thing we're gonna riot shield it yeah right like use your you a riot shield? Use your brother as a riot shield. I was taking him out. He got lit up. There happened

to be weirdly in his back seat like bulletproof iron I think. I don't know how that got there. And it was so heavy it actually broke the active shooter's legs when he went flying down the hallway right into him.

It wouldn't happen if you didn't ask me to push him. Dude, that's an insane ass for the parents. Oh, absolutely. Of a 13-year-old? I don't know, man. If I was the brother, I'd be like, dude, I'll handle what I can handle. How about that?

I'll get out if I can. I'll pop a wheelie. I get this thing scooting. Imagine a 13-year-old girl crawling along the floor with dead bodies. I gotta get my fucking brother out of here. We're imagining normal wheelchair, not electric. I was thinking electric wheelchair

where it's like action shooting is going on. You're just here. Shut the fuck up. Every time he reloads, he stops. It's fucking red act for shooting. He's going on. You're just here. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Every time he reloads, he stops. Like, it's fucking red light, green light. She's behind the bulletproof bag Just the kid in Squid Games

Hiding behind Yeah Just the kid in Squid Games hiding behind. Yeah. Not the asshole. Not the asshole. Not the asshole at all. I am very proud of your self-confidence, though. Throw away. 1, 8, 2, 3, 3, whatever.

Okay, last one. Boy. 1, 8, 2, 3, 3, whatever. Okay, last one. Oh, boy. Am I the asshole for making my grandmother give me her house after my stepbrother thought he'd get it and had already renovated it? Oh, that's a great move. I've been mostly estranged from my father since I was 15. I've only ever maintained a relationship with my grandmother. The estrangement was due to my mom, him, and me. I won't blame him entirely.

When I was 23, I found out that my father had given my grandmother's house to my stepbrother. My father had given it under the assumption that my grandmother would give it to him when she passed away, which she promised to do several times. My stepbrother was older, married, and had a child and apparently needed a home. I have nothing against him as a person, but I was feeling bitter about it and basically griped to my grandmother about how my father had sidelined me again. After I vented, I made myself forget about the house. My grandmother passed away earlier this year and, to everyone's surprise, had given the

house to me instead. It was obviously a very awkward situation. It was made even more awkward when I found out that my stepbrother and his wife had completely gut-renovated most of the house by putting in nearly $90,000 of their own money. My father called me and begged me to let him buy the house for around $150,000 so my stepbrother wouldn't have to pay for his mistake. Here is where I think I'm the asshole. It's just starting now.

Here's where I think I'm the asshole. It's just starting now. Here's where I think I'm the asshole. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to own a house otherwise. So I told my father I will be keeping the house and gave notice to my stepbrother to move out. I've since moved into the house, and while I'm slightly guilt about enjoying a renovated house that I didn't pay for, I can't help but think this whole mess would have been avoided

if my father had waited to receive the house before giving it away. I've had a conversation with my father about what my grandmother might have done and what she did, and he's upset. Am I the asshole? Boy, oh boy. You are pretty damn close. Yeah. If not, it doesn't, like... It depends on what the estrangement is.

I got to bet she was nasty. Yeah, if you did, what do you know? Yeah, well, you're not. If you didn't last year... It depends on what the estrangement is. Like, I got to bet she was nasty. Yeah, if you did, what do you know? Yeah, like, you're not... You didn't last year as a kid? Then you're in the clear. Did he beat up somebody? One of those rare times. You're hoping for it, huh?

But the... The... I don't think... Okay, so here are my two things. I think she's an asshole to the stepbrother. But not to the Like fuck the dad Yeah But why couldn't you just have

Why didn't you just rent the house to your brother I guess this isn't I guess I don't think she put her age So like it's Maybe she just Maybe she's homeless too Yeah just that it doesn't say

So alright Here's the deal You are not the asshole This one's not as funny as the other ones If you are You're not the asshole But you's not as funny as the other ones if you are you're not the asshole but you're kind yeah

I'm gonna fucking say you're the asshole man I don't know how close she's not very descriptive with how close she was with her stepbrother but like I mean she's a strange

she's not a kid she's got a kid I'd be like write that deed to me you rent the house you pay me rent now but you can live there or I guess the father. You pay me rent now. Yeah. But you can live there. Or I guess the father

could just pay her. The father could pay him. Father pay the son the 90K back? Yeah. If the father was willing to give her 150 grand for the house,

why doesn't the father just give the guy the money? Yeah, he definitely And then you get your own house. Yeah. Everyone's happy. He should definitely do that. Yeah, if he was going to give up, I didn't't the father just give the guy the money? Yeah, he definitely should do that. And then you get your own house. Yeah. Everyone's happy. He should definitely do that.

Yeah, if he was going to give up, I didn't hear the $150,000. It said he offered to buy the house for $150,000. Yeah. All right, if you want your fucking son and your stupid grandkid to have a house that bad, give it to the house owner. Yeah, just buy him another house. Yeah, I don't think she's the asshole then because he's clearly just like... Also, wherever the fuck you are, $150,000 buys a house,

so no one gives a shit about you. Just die. You will provide nothing. Enjoy Applebee's for the next 40 years and then die. Little riblets. I heard tale once that there is not a grill in Applebee's. Is that true? Can we look that up?

That everything is cooked via microwave. I don't think so. Like, I've had burgers there. I feel like that's like Olive Garden. I think... They call it a bar and grill. Ah, there's a grill right there. I'm pretty sure because, yeah, if they're serving meat and stuff...

Ah! Unfortunately, the majority of food at Applebee's is, in fact, microwaved. I could see definitely, like, chicken tenders, anything like that. They may not have fryers and stuff, but, like, you could get away with doing that. But, like, meat and stuff, you have to cook on a grill. Do you? Yeah, no, I...

Like a steak? You could cook it on a grill? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It would just, like, shrivel up in a microwave. It would be disgusting. I know that because I worked at a shitty restaurant that told us to microwave shit once. And I'm like, we're just going to put it on the flat top, man.

I'm like, no. They prep it earlier in the day and then microwave it later. Oh, God. Yeah, same place I worked at today. That's okay. I'm cool with that. That's fine. The place I worked at would half cook a burger and then finish it later.

And you just have them sitting next to the grill. I hope they get shut down. That's gross. Yeah, it was disgusting. And that was the first place I ever worked. I'm like, this is normal, right? Then I went to another place. They're like, they do what there?

I'm like, oh, is that not? They're like, no, that's not okay. Don't ever do that to our food. All right, time for voicemails. Voicemails are brought to you by Wood Introducing Wood I'm not going to do a copy of this one Because it's not written for women's podcasts

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This is just the same thing over and over. Moisturizers, face wash, scrub, and moisturizers, beard conditioners, oil, and shave creams. All products are $15 or less. Getwood.com. Hey, guys. It's Ange from Massachusetts. What's up, Ange? I just wanted to have the guys explain what

slugging is, or at least what they think it means, and Jackie, don't give them any hints. Is it slugging or slutting? Slugging. Slugging is when a girl is on top and you cum in her and then she kind of like crawls up you afterwards.

Oh, I think that's called a snail trail. That's a slugging thing. Is that what it is? I don't know if she's talking about that, but it's also like a skin care thing. Yeah, no, pretty much. What's the skincare thing? The skincare thing is you just

drown your face in Vaseline or... You say that weird. Vaseline. Vaseline. I heard somebody hit the O on it the other day. Vasoline. Or like actual skin snail mucus.

I used to use it. This is back when you're making out with slugs one time um but yeah i guess i was like that's the first answer here the act of pre-coming and leaving a trail of semen on one's body or after vaginal sex not clearing the penis whatever uh mainly dirt mainly the butt during spooning? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So I'm close. So what's the... I assume she means the newer one. So what's the newer one? Yeah. Slathering your face in a layer of petroleum jelly as the last... Oh, of your night... What do you mean the last step of your nighttime skincare routine? So you just get in bed like this?

Yeah. I've seen... What do you want? last step of your nighttime skincare routine? So you just get in bed like this? Yeah. I've seen... What do you see on Instagram? What happens to your pillows? You get a little fuzz on you. So you just wake up fucking covered in fucking petroleum jelly? It's just, it's like a layer. It's like if you have really dry skin, then I don't know.

I didn't make it up. You just like, you put it on your face and then it soaks in overnight. Soaks in? So you put this shit on your face and then you wake up with a dry face? Depending on how dry your skin is. Yeah. Just absorbs overnight?

Yeah. Oh, it's going viral. What's that? My face has never been softer I might fuck I'll slug it up I thought you just said That you weren't gonna do Skincare routines

Well I didn't say I wasn't gonna do Skincare routines Oh I'm doing too many Skincare routines right now My skin's too good I don't need to fucking slug That week John went through

A slug phase Everybody has a little slug phase Do you slug Do you have a skincare routine Yeah but it's not working right now But yeah Do you have a skincare routine? Yeah, but it's not working right now. But yeah. Do you have a skincare routine? No.

Do you? Part of my New Year's resolution, yeah. Yeah? You've been hitting skincare? Yeah, every day. Every day? Every night. I haven't missed one night.

What do you fucking do? Fucking get it. A little face wash action. Then put some lotion, some wood. What are your thoughts on that? Wood. Face cream? Wood?

Wood. Get with it. Spell it. W-O-U-L-D. I haven't heard of it, but what's the other one? He uses a female skincare brand also. Oh, wood. My sister recommended that one.

Yeah? Yeah. Has your sister heard of wood? Get wood.com. Pabs, can you make a video doing your skincare routine that you put on YouTube? I knew it. My dad would never let me make that. We'll do 105,000 subs.

105,000 subs. You've got to be very into it. I don't want to be like, yo, what's up? I'm Pabs. Here's my skincare. Like, what's up, everybody? It's your boy, Pavs. Yeah.

All right. So because no one's going to be in the office this week, we are going to be hurting for fly material. So Pavs, you have to do a skincare routine. Jackie, you have to slug. The second,

the other one. You want vlog numbers, bro? I don't know. The Vaseline one. Next voice mail. Hey, guys. So, like, two years ago, I got banned from Hinge. And then, like, two days ago, I got banned from Hinge, and then, like, two days ago, I got banned from Bumble.

And this may or may not have been because I was asking for a sugar daddy on it. We cannot confirm nor deny. But my question for you is, what is the most ridiculous thing or place you've ever been banned from? Also, fights, you can get it literally any day of the week. Just let me know if you have any questions. I'm getting care. Got that get wood face scrub. Also fights you can get it literally any day of the week Just let me know if you have any questions Got that get wood face scrub

Alright the most ridiculous place I've been banned from Well I'm going to go last I want to go last Jackie's your show I'm trying to think of one that I've been banned from I was banned From a bar in South Carolina That was called Paffs

That's a good one What'd you do? Just a fight Oh fist fight Fisticuffs Throwing hands Lucky What?

I said lucky I forgot about that zach um the south yeah like alabama church is heaven yeah yeah heaven tattoos we can cut off a few seconds i don't think i have like a literal if i think of one, I'll say it, but I can't think of one. All right. Mine is Boston College. It's a college I did not attend.

Oh, in that case, yeah. I'm not allowed to go back. It was – we got arrested there, and they were like, by the way, you're banned from campus for life. And I was like – it was very much a Kramer, like, I don't here i'm gonna go here dude like it is but i did go back with my dad to my dad uh to a football game my dad went there so i'm back to a football game my dad the next year and the entire i was like 17 when it happened 18 when it happened so the entire next time i was thinking like oh my god what if they're like futuristic facial recognition? Basically, it's a threat that if they catch you, if you get arrested again, you get prosecuted

by Boston police, not BC police, which I think are technically Boston police. It's a weird thing. But also, fun fact, Boston College, I think if I said this, one of my favorite fun facts, everything about Boston College is a lie. I have said it. Oh, I think you have. It's not even like in Boston.

Well, it's not in Boston. We knew. It is a university, not a college. Its mascot is not an eagle. It's a seagull. Oh, that's wild. Because it's based on a gift from the president of Japan, and they don't have eagles in Japan. They have seagulls. So that's it.

Do you have an answer? I was going to say, I don't think I've ever really been banned from anywhere. I was always good at talking myself out of tickets and shit. We used to get caught underage drinking. Good amount in college. We were not good at hiding that. But I was always able to talk my way out of it. All right.

Last voicemail. Those ones are good. The brown ones. I recommend those from Date by Melissa. Oh, by the way, we kind of fucking skipped it with her. Being banned from multiple dating apps is wild. That's some bad bitch shit. That's like, I thought she was just like saying racial slurs or something in there,

but just going on and being like, yo, can I have money? Yeah. And actually, and I'm also curious, when she asked to be, she's asking for a sugar daddy. Yeah. So is she asking outright, like, can we go on dates and you give me money? Or is she like, can we fuck and you give me money? Is that prostituting and sugar daddy? Well, there's a comedian, Wendy Starling, who when Christina Hutchinson was in here and promoting the documentary they were doing, it was about Wendy. And so I started following her.

She does tutorials on how to find sugar daddies on Instagram. And it's like how to go on the apps and not get banned. And like the words you can use. Christina Ogden does? No, no. It's Wendy Starling. It's fucking wild. She's just like, alright, here's how you get on me.

Why do they ban them? I'm pretty sure it's probably in the bio. I've heard of that happening to girls and guys. But you can't ban them, that's just fucking jokes. Yeah, no, I mean – I mean, I guess it probably goes along with also messaging them being like, give me money and I'll have sex with you. But why is that – like, why is that banned from these apps? Just prostitution. But Sue Daddy is not prostitution. That's not – that's just like, yo.

Yeah, I'm sure you have to be like... Yo, why don't you take me on a nice date? They probably try to just like overarch and just be like, you can't ask for an exchange of money at all. So that way she's just getting hit for that. It's implied. Every time we fucking talk, it's implied.

One day, one day, we'll fucking get over that. I cannot hang out with a woman without giving her money. Not giving her money, but I'm such a fucking pussy. It's not even a pussy because it's just like I never let anyone pay for anything. And it's fucking dumb because of fucking equality. What up, fam? It's your boy, Smiley.

Smiley with great teeth. A.K.A. A.K.A. The Undisputed Idiot. Got a question for you. How crazy is too crazy? Went to this party the other weekend. It was a housewarming party for a friend.

We're all in our mid-20s. This random girl walks in who's in her late 30s and immediately walks into the party saying i want to suck someone's dick tonight hell yeah us normal people we're we're gonna ask more follow-up questions to this to see what her deal is she proceeds to tell us that she's been in two different cults is a wiccan okay and and is moving to Oregon to enlighten her free spirit. In two days. Oh, well. Now.

It's time on the clock, man. Because she was leaving in two days, we tried to get one of our buddies to go home with her. They didn't that night the day before she was about to leave he had her come over um she was late to the appointment but had her come over he slept with her right before he sleeps with her she says hey i haven't had sex in eight months when realistically she was actually just coming from a dick boy man and then invites him to a wedding four months later in the state that he's from this chick was insane so the question is how far is too crazy would you sleep with someone who was in two different cults and is a Wiccan and moving to Oregon

and then invites you to a wedding in four months when you know it's a one-night stand? Let me know. Now, this obviously one precludes the other. But the – like I wasn't out until the wedding invitation. Yeah, honestly. That is – and also here's the thing, and I don't like to give myself credit very often here, so when I deserve it, I'm going to do it.

I've had some personal growth in my life. And you can go back years past in the podcast and be like, oh, yeah, you're so sick. And that boy was dumb. That boy, I disagree strongly with John Feinberg on that one. And I think I've moved on from that stage of my life. I think just chill is where I'm at. Yeah.

And I don't think you find chill at Wiccan meetings. I am at a stage of perpetuous, just please don't yell at me. And a fucking Wiccan is going to yell at you while you're inside her. Probably. Her orgasms would be too loud for me. I think this is annoying. It would be too much. me I think this is annoying It would be too much So I think I'm out Now I want to party with that girl

I want to fucking rip that party up with her Don't want to fuck her that night I'll fucking I'll wingman someone on her I feel like it'd be me Just enough Depends on Are you like Instagram witch?

Or are you, like, this kind of sounds like this chick's just a witch. That might give me some pause. But if it's just a girl being on Instagram being, like, I'm a witch. If you hit multi-cult, multi-cult is a level that most people don't attain. That's some impressive shit. It's usually one and done with cult. Yeah, because if you join a good one, it ends in suicide. Yeah. people don't attain that's an impressive shit i it's usually one and done with coal yeah yeah because it ends good or bad if you because if you join a good one it ends in suicide yeah that's

you want to join if you join a cult cult you're killing yourself that's that's the only way that coal ship and a cold that just lets you walk out the front door ain't much of a cult in my opinion yeah no they usually follow you like we ever mean that's a pussy call yeah like fucking you want to fucking leave Scientology? Guess what? You will not get a night of sleep for the rest of your life because we'll be outside your door being like, you better not tell anybody about this! And that's probably what Wiccans do after you fuck them.

Yeah, the immediate, like, the second she invites him to the wedding, I stop thinking like, oh, do we know she's moving to Oregon? Was that just like a thing she did? Because she, like, I don't think she's actually going. I think she was just trying to get one of those guys. Just like, oh, I'm gone anyway.

I'm gone soon. Yeah, I'm gone in two days. And that's like, oh, I actually got pushed back. That's a good move. You'll never have to deal with me ever again. What's up? Have you heard of the church or whatever? I don't know where you live, and I'm a witch.

You're fucked. I did that once. One time in college, I hooked up know where you live, and I'm a witch. You're fucked. I did that once. One time in college, I hooked up with a chick who was not a witch or anything like that, but just like a super duper hippie. And I remember going back to her dorm, and it's like tapestries everywhere. And she was like, let's put on music to fuck to. And it was like, it was like, like, like drums. Like, it sounded like it was like from, like, the Lion King soundtrack.

Like, yeah, like, like, like African tribal music. Her like from like the lion king soundtrack like yeah like like like african tribal music her drum circle from the last week jump ran across the room and just jumped into my arm had a big old bush it was fucking she asked me how often i showered and i said i said i shower every day i was playing baseball all the time i was like i shower every day like i'm on the baseball team i shower twice a day and she's like, she was disgusted by me, by my clean skin at getwood.com. But that's it. I got to go to a meeting. So this show is fucking over.

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For up to $200 off and two free pillows. Here's our interview with Ryan Long. Enjoy! All right, let's do it. Ryan Long is back in the building. Too long of a break, in my opinion. We've been talking for a while about getting you back in here. You were one of our first guests post-pandemic, right?

I think it was like Rosebud. No, we did the one on Zoom before. Oh, yeah. That was right when you guys were losing all your money on GameStop. Do you still have them? That was when you had the were losing all your money on GameStop. Do you still have them? That was when you had the funniest line about your brothers. We still have it, just so you know. Yeah, we're still diamond hands, bro.

I got diamond hands on a lot of stuff that I don't even know how to access anymore. Right now you need diamond hands. Stop getting obliterated. All right, so here's the deal. You're a smart guy, right? You seem like someone who, I don't know. Honestly, the few times I've talked, I've walked away going, pretty smart dude so here's the deal. You're a smart guy, right? You seem like someone who like, I don't know, you look, honestly, the few times I've talked,

I've walked away going, pretty smart dude. So I'm going to ask you a question. Why does anyone give a fuck? Because all their money's disappearing? But it's like, but you're not, but like,

dude, what is money really? No, no, no. Did you really think about it? I'm not going to back off on it. I'm right, because like, you don't have any intention of touching it.

How much, okay, take how much money you have. Now imagine you have 60% of that. Do you care? Well, you're not going to take it out tomorrow. Well, but you can't take it out. The stock market is going to bounce back. Based on what?

Merlin? Based on everything. It always comes back. Not everything. So big to fail, baby. We're going to bail everyone out. If you have fucking Amazon stock, it'll bounce back. But if you took some risks and shit, there are companies that go under or never

recover, or maybe you can't. This is why I asked you guys. You're making points. And yes, the stock market always goes up over the course of 30 fucking years, but if you were like, I need to get my money out now, and it went down, you're fucked. Dude, I remember my dad having a bad day in the collapse

the one you caused. What year was that collapse the one you caused what year was that? Instrumental in the downfall of America a little bit I Wasn't cuz I was doing like the just the cube monkey work But like my bosses kind of work because they were turning a blind eye to a lot of shit And I remember one time talking to like a senior manager, and I was kind of like Like cuz she said something like oh well You know the reason this happened was because of like, like, because she said something like, oh, well, you know, the reason this happened

was because like last year we, we like fudged or whatever and I was kind of like, oh shit, like that was, so like you guys did that and she was like,

she realized what she had said. She's like, she's like, oh no, no, you guys did that. She very quickly was like, uh,

nevermind, nevermind, nevermind. You don't understand and I was like, you're right, I don't understand but that sounds like someone

who's culpable for this shit It also sounds like Someone who's like In their own They think they're A little more important Than they are And in the moment

I was like Oh wow And now I'm thinking back That was probably Like a 26 year old Like you know Fake manager Yeah

And she's going home To her boyfriend Like I fucking Ruined the world I didn't ask For this power He's like Baby I'm sure you're

It's totally fine girls Shut the fuck up But like with that class My dad was like so pissed I was like What is wrong with you today And I was young I was too young

To be asking my dad A question like that I was like a sophomore In high school I was like What is wrong Stop being such a bitch dad What was your deal today

You've hit me more Than normal today And he's like He's like Well John My entire My entire retirement fund Is me more than normal today. And he's like, well, John, my entire retirement fund is gone. What do you think about it? And I was like, we're going to retire tomorrow? And he's like, my kid is so goddamn dumb.

But like, to fair, he's still not retired. By the time he retires, it'll help me. Most people don't have this calm sentiment, though. They panic and stuff. Well, yeah. I mean, you don't care about anything in the world. So that's why you're able to do this. I wish I was more like you. Are you the type of guy that

loses your shoe on a night out and you go, ah, fuck it. I got one shoe tonight. Bro, recently on a night out, I just traded shoes. I just gave a guy a shoe. Weirdest shit in the world, man. I just gave my guy my shoes. That was so weird. He's like, yo, I like those. I was like, you want them? It was a gift that I got him.

The only gift I've ever gotten one of my friends. I still don't even really know why I did it. I think you got them and just didn't want them. No, no, no, no, no, no. I remember it because I bought them off StockX and everything. And it was just, I don't know, I was just being a little bitch at my feelings or whatever. And I was kind of like, yeah, this is for you. We've done such great work together.

And then he gave them to some stranger. It was years later. They weren't like the new shoes. They'd been worn in a lot. Was he staring at you while he did it? To be some stranger they weren't like the new shoes they've been worn in a lot he's staring at you well he did it they weren't very comfortable that's why I gave him away they weren't comfortable and you guys like a pair like shitty Jordan 11s in return I think so yeah alligator pointies I've never taken them out of my hockey bag like I was on a hockey trip we're in Detroit and I'm just never taking on my hockey bag since yeah they're like Jordan 11 like low tops but the trap is a pair of Travis Scott. I've just never taken one of my hockey bags. Yeah, they were like Jordan 11, like low tops.

But it was a pair of Travis Scotts I gave away, and they literally dug into my toes. They were probably just the wrong fucking size. It was painful to wear them. That's amazing. Well, yeah, definitely if you have like Amazon or S&P 500. But if anyone had like risky-ass gross shit, like all these people that are like online fucking,

you know, I'm a trader now. Yeah. Like myself. You just get, dude, I'm just enjoying the ride down, man. I'm in it for the thrill of the loss. Dude,

I get it. Bro, I get push notifications for stocks from like different apps and different like fucking holdings like that and it recently asked me,

it's like, do you want to turn these off? It was like, you should turn this off never gonna make any money I never turned it on well it wasn't like a thing like I cared about cuz it like when I put some when I like take size something I know one of two things one I'm in it for long haul so I'm not gonna look on like look daily fucking no shot yeah or two it's gonna be some weird ass crypto shit that I don't even know how to sell so I'm in on that forever those are top yeah like safe moon I thought a safe moon I don't know what it's at I don't know fucking clear

there's anything to even salvage I have no idea Dante was treating he's like he deleted all of his apps and all that shit like he got all stock bar stuff all of his phone for his mental health because he was one of those checkers. We're young. We have plenty of time to go. You need more money? Just make more next week.

Yeah, but some things just go down. Dude, my chick, she has some fucking company, HIMS. You know that company? Yeah. Dude, it's literally done this for two years straight. She's like, it's going to turn around. It's like, no, it won't. It was like on no, it won't. Like, he's eight. It was like, oh, fucking.

It was like, you're just on the ship forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that point, you just got to ride it all the way to the fucking. Like, I'd rather just go to zero. But that's not their mentality. Than sell it at like, you know, three. You know what I mean? Just ride it.

Yeah, but people. That's fair. Yeah, you know, it's like, I'm just going all the way down. I'll hold it until it goes bankrupt. Like, in high school, I'd rather get a zero on a test than a 17. Like, I at least tried on that one I'll fucking be the guy on the Titanic Just locking himself in the ship

Here we go baby Stocks only go down man They only go down That news about Odell Beckham Was good with the Bitcoin you saw that So Odell Beckham when he signed with the Rams He signed a $750,000 deal But he elected to take it in Bitcoin Which just means they give you the money and then you buy Bitcoin with it.

Which doesn't make – yeah, that's the same thing. It's like a publicity stunt. Yeah, it's like, you're paying me in Bitcoin. No, you're not. I take my money in houses. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. But he got taxed like American dollars at the $750,000 rate. Like at that amount.

And it dropped down to like $400,000 and the taxes on it were like $350,000. So he got paid $37,500 for this year to play football. Shut the – that can't be true. I mean, I don't know. Really? Okay, so Darren Revelle tweeted that and he's fucking – If he sells. If he didn't sell.

Right, but also what you don't know. So Darren Revelle was tweeting because he doesn't like crypto and he thinks it's dangerous for all these people to be talking about it and for young people to be investing in it and he's just so he's coming on himself because because this guy only made 37 and then uh joe pompliano who's like a guy who i tweet with he was like mr pomp fucking you know mr bitcoin he also was like by the way um uh fuck uh uh what's the not venmomo, but the other one. Cash App is paying him like a seven-figure deal to like do their crypto. Right, right, right.

So, you know, my, yes, my salary went down, but I made, you know, $2 million off my sponsorship deal. But it is like technically to play American NFL football this year, Odell Beckham made $37,500. Pretty good deal. Which is wild. I mean, that is. It is weird. But the Rams still gave him, the Rams still paid $750,000. Odell just put it in a shitty spot.

Yeah, but again, you're saying that's only if he sells his Bitcoin right now. Yes, and that's what a lot of people were saying. Nobody gets Bitcoin for right now. A lot of it's waiting for the future. And even if he does sell, I think you can put those losses against other shit as well. gets Bitcoin for right now. A lot of it's like waiting for the future. So yeah, that could easily turn out. And even if he does sell, I mean, I think you can put those losses against other shit as well.

Something like that. I don't know. People, it's a tax write-off. It's a loss. I'm like, well, I don't know what that means. I don't really get what that means. I found out that you actually kind of can do that. Yeah.

Like people- Well, I was trying to write out my losses. Writing down losses that they almost convinced themselves losing money is good. They're like, yes yes I can write it off as a tax thing now like what the fuck just have it go up I thought yeah

well you can but you can only write off a bit of a year but you can carry them over for a bunch of years so I get to sort of my losses I can spread them out

this is the shit as like a comic and like a self-employed guy you gotta like know all this shit dude I lost 80 grand on one trade not kidding the good news though 90 grand it goes up every time Dude, I lost 80 grand on one trade. Not kidding.

The good news, though. 90 grand. It goes up every time. Danny Boleschuk gave me this big trade, and then he was like, it was this SPAC MUDS, and it was supposed to be like Topps baseball cards, because he was getting real into baseball cards. He was going like meeting guys in Long Island to buy some tennis rookie card, like weird female girls tennis. Like he was, dude, he was like, wait for Capriati, bro.

It's going to go to the moon. He was deep in the game. And then he was, you know, they were trying to SPAC muds or tops. They were just like, you know, they were trying to go public through like a fucking, you know, SPAC deal. Right. I don't know. Yeah.

I have no idea what you're talking about. Basically it means like you don't IPO. Everyone puts money into this company and then the company buys the company okay okay whatever so they were like a buying basically the company we are investing in was gonna be top space buck card once they bought them right and he was like every day being like this is it you know what i mean this is the one yeah retiring off this shit well and then i so i was going deep i'm just like getting his text and i go all right another 10 grand i just kept fucking re-upping

Because he was so confident Because that's the thing Everybody knows a guy Or somebody Who convinces you And then Topps Lost their license To sell cards

I think it was Topps Wasn't Topps the one That printed the The Braves card Horrendously wrong They were like They said like the Braves Won the the braves card horrendously wrong they were like they said like the braves won the 2020 world series instead of the 2021 the errors on their line of cards were like staggering but and so obviously it went down right away yeah like it just tanked it tanked

completely back to zero well like with it tanked back to what the money that was in this bank account. It was worth exclusive, the only thing it was worth was the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a fucking, it was my D-Day. But almost like one of those

My D-Day for the bank, yeah, for the other guys. I'm not American. I was getting D-Dayed. I was getting D-Dayed. I was the beaches. They were storming me I'm the beach It was

Like we've talked about it a lot Where like When you have a podcast Using the references wrong You're like on the wrong team You're like Yeah dude it was my holocaust And then we got defeated

You go wait what? Hang on a second But we talk about like Having a podcast Or being a comic Where like it almost and then we got defeated. You go, wait, what? Hang on a second. But we talk about like having a podcast or being a comic. We're like, it almost becomes profitable to have bad things happen to you. Like if that happened to me, if I lost 80 grand, if I lost 80 grand. Oh, my God. That's next level write-off. Like I'll write that off on stage.

Dude, you just lost $2,000. You know how much I made with that story? He bought this. He invested in this apartment complex outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Noonan County. Noonan County. He'll tell you it's up in the slumlord. 45 minutes from the airport.

Dude, I'm becoming the slumlord for content. So I got 45 minutes outside of the highway in Atlanta. Noonan,umlord for content. So I got 45 minutes outside the highway in Atlanta, noon in Georgia, great spot, great blue collar. Outside of a highway? I thought it was the airport. 40 minutes outside of the city, right off the highway. So it's easy access. It's great for FedEx workers, UPS workers, people who are working at the airport.

He's reading me the sales pitch, eh? This is what they told you. And then I got another one in Rock. And the best part is it's a timeshare. You only own it one out of every six. You got one in Rock Hill, North Carolina. It is. It's like the Charlotte metro area, but not North Carolina, Texas.

South Carolina, Texas. The whole fucking Carolina Panther team is going to move there. It's going to rock it up, baby. We saw on the news one day that there was like a tornado that ripped through outside of Atlanta. And I was like, Noonan is going to be buried. And John's probably going to be like, yes, now I can tell this story. That my fucking apartment complex got eradicated by Mother Nature. Noonan, Georgia has not known peace.

It has been a consistent wave of unfortunate events. You're the cell signal. Fucking solely on Judy George. Yeah, yeah. People are fucking, they see you walking through their neighborhood with a realtor. You go, we got to get out of here. Grim Reaper has arrived. Bro, it has been tornadoes.

I have not known peace. What? Fucking like shootings. It's been chaos in Noonan since the day I got a jacket. You know what I wanted to do? I always liked the idea of owning a place where I have a studio and then a couple of tenants or whatever. And I remember I read that Arnold Schwarzenegger, that's how he made his money when he was just a strongman. He had all these shady tenants or whatever.

But then I was talking to people and people were like, well, yeah, those shady tenants pay Arnold. When the fucking literal strongest man in the world shows up for rent. It's a little different than you showing up for the rent. And they're just like, no, I'm not paying. What do you mean? I'm just not giving you your money. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, you paid Arnold.

Legitimately Mr. Universe at this point. So you filmed your special at the stand. Yeah, I did. I just finished the special at the stand. You finished it up. That's got to be, what, is that a relief or is it like now you're like, I can't decide whether I'd be relieved that I'm done with it or now it's like now I've got to put it out and it either sinks or swims.

And like, there's nothing you can do. No, I've been through this process before. But I was, I'm like so happy to just have that on my mind. Because, you know, I just had too many things. Like that was, especially when by the end of a project that you're working on for a long time. Like especially I was editing and everything. There's so much like cachet. You know what I mean?

Like stored in your head sure that i was like fucking becoming really loopy with all the other like i was already juggling lots of things and just having all that information in my head i felt like i was i'm like you know leaving my house without everything you want to know the this how crazy fucking i was loopy i was getting i'm already pretty loopy the other day i was okay I was at the comedy cellar and I and then there's

there's a Brooklyn comedy club in Brooklyn and there's this one in Manhattan so I went I was supposed to go to the Brooklyn comedy club and I got in a cab

and the guy was like hey where are you or whatever and I and then I got out outside of the club and I go fuck I went to the wrong club

so I'm at the wrong club in Manhattan I message I tell the Uber driver I'm like can you wait can can you take me the other one and i'm trying to type it in and it won't work he's like i gotta go so he just kicks me out i call the guy and i'm like hey i'm at the wrong club uh can like i'll have to go second or whatever because i was supposed to go at the beginning right and i go okay and then i called another uber and then as i called the uber i walked up to the bar and i was like, oh, fuck, I guess they changed this.

And then I finally saw someone walk in. I go, oh, no, I was at the right one the whole time. So I walk in and I see the guy who I just texted. He's like, why did you text me 30 seconds ago saying that you're not here? So I'm standing outside the place being like, I'm at the wrong building. And as we're arguing, my other Uber calls me like, hey, I'm here to take you to brooklyn no they're here to take me to the same location and everyone's like so what are you talking like what and then i'm just go you know what i just don't want to talk about it anymore it's done it's over goodbye and i was doing like stuff like that

right and left yeah so i'm happy to get it out of your brain and be done with it yeah yeah yeah leaving your keys In the refrigerator And shit like that Dude that's what I was skiing this weekend And I think skiing I've decided Too many pockets

Two dudes So Too many pockets Associated with it Cause I was constantly In a state of panic Where's this Where's that

Where's that Cause it's not Your four pockets You gotta go What It's too much What else do you have You have like gloves

And you have like A face mask A goggles And you just end up Having too much stuff And you drive back To Manhattan Without your apartment keys Did you What else do you have? You have gloves and you have a face mask and goggles. And you just end up having too much stuff. And you drive back to Manhattan without your apartment keys. Did you do this trip? Yeah.

I feel like you've done that before. I've done it before. You came to my apartment, right? I had a pair here. So I left a pair at my desk here. Jesus. But I walked home last night. I was so tired.

I think this reminded me of something. I think you guys are funny that I just heard on the way here. So one of the guys that like works for me, he lives in Finland and in Finland, they're like super locked down and but like not the bars necessarily, but all gyms are locked down.

But the only way you can work out is if you're a professional athlete and then everyone figured out that you can go on the internet and sign up for a baseball license that says you're a professional baseball player. It's only two hours.

Sorry, man, I got the paperwork. So he said all the gyms are just fucking, you're only allowed three hours, so it's just all packed with fat guys saying they're professional athletes. Everyone gets a fucking baseball player card and a blue checkmark on Twitter. Isn't that crazy?

Member of the Houston Astros organization. He said it's $5. You just sign up and it says you're a professional athlete. You just have to be registered. And also, it just sign up and it says you're a professional athlete. You just have to be registered. And also, it's like, cool, being registered as a professional athlete. I was going to say, that's fucking great. I might do that right now. Is that just in Finland?

I think it's in Finland. Yeah, I'm going to become a Finnish professional baseball player. Fuck it. I know a lot of countries that happens to, with like, when they get the Olympics. Because every home country hosting the olympics gets every sport you're automatically right right but then they have to change the rules for what like china's hosting this year to be a fucking professional hockey player they were like it's like if you're great like brandon yip who plays for the i don't know he plays for the red wings now used to play

for the panthers but like he was going to be the captain of team china and i think his great-grandparents are from china or something like that so he's like american but he has yeah yeah so they changed all the blood but i remember they have with baseball in greece where it was like if your great-great-great-grandfather was from greek greece you can play no one here plays fucking baseball so you got a bunch of like just slugs out there yeah i remember going out that used to be always a thing with Brett Hull. It was like he's Canadian-American and it was like, where is he going to play for? Yeah, he had the dual scissors. That was so weird.

It's a weird shit. Well, we learned he likes to party, right? He was the guy who was out there. Oh, I don't think we learned. We knew. We knew. We saw him. I saw him.

Brett liked to chuck him back. Yeah. You see this Neil Young Joe Rogan shit Yeah yeah Bro Neil Young

Just throwing up A fucking It's either you or me And they're like It's him See you later Neil That's the funniest Like

The intern coming in And being like It's the CEO or me And I'm sure he meant You know He just wants to like Draw attention to it. I don't think he thinks

they're going to pick him. No. But, but, all that being said. So Neil Young's one of those guys that like, he,

he apparently like everyone that's seen him recently, like had friends, he says he'll play the hits for like half an hour and then he plays like three hours of like, you know,

songs about why global warming's the problem that are like real on the nose too. Like, not even like three hours of songs about why global warming is the problem. That are real on the nose, too. They're not even supposed to be good songs. He's just reading a manifesto. He's slowly playing. He'll occasionally take a break to play the harmonica.

I mean, even if you're not expecting to win that ultimat that, you know, that ultimatum, that's, you can't, you can't be throwing out ultimatums where you get blown out of the fucking room. Who do you think? He doesn't even have a deal there. He's not even one of the people that has a deal there. He's like. It's just like my music. Dude, he's.

It's just like, you can't be on. He actually, didn't he recently sell all his music too? Like, I don't think it's his. Do you know how, like, all of the major artists just sold their music? Well, then he can't even do this. Like, Bowie just sold his. Springsteen just sold his. Well, then you.

I thought Neil Young was in the mix with that. Well, if that's the case, you're not able to like, you're not in control of it anymore. Take it off Spotify. No, dude. Not yours. No, keep playing it.

Who do you think is an artist? It probably went past their prime, but who do you think an artist that would give Spotify pause? I was trying to. Drake? You think Drake? I don't know.

But I almost think it has to be more of a historically significant one because their music will, I don't know, maybe in 50 years Rogan's just not doing a podcast anymore. But Bowie's music is still going to be listened to. Yeah, but you're still going to get people were saying, that was the argument

about longevity. If Rogan was like, okay, 50 more years Rogan is a, not 50, but like 30 more years. That's a lot. It's still a lot to go. But, Rogan is a – What's he at? Like 30 more years. That's a lot. It's still a lot to go. But I think there is a level where – On the verge of retiring or something. I don't think there's any level where they would do it. But I think there's a level where there's a conversation around it.

I mean, what? They're like, hey, let's like blow up this $200 million because like one guy – Well, that's the other thing. They just invested in it. They can't do it. But just for the hypothetical, like what artist would they be like – at the very least, would they be like, fuck. Yeah, I mean,

I guess it's the Taylor. I know what you mean. Rolling Stones or something is kind of what you're saying. Right, right. Is it that, though, or is it something more modern? I think it's Taylor Swift. You're going to get this double dip right now. You get the Scooter Braun ones and you get her new shit, so it's like two times Taylor. That's true. Taylor

would be a combination. And also that would be like a you get the backlash of like i think taking and i think taylor's proven that like she's like i'm not gonna be here for fucking five more years like i've been here for 20 i'm gonna be a songwriter my whole life i'll be here for another four years right but i don't know i don't know if it was let me see if there's i i had just google this and it said that roan has 200 million monthly listeners. I was laughing at that. Yeah, what is that? We'll find out.

I was like, let me Google this. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Pictures. I like them still. He's like, hot girl. Boobs. I want to see boobs. Monthly listeners.

That's your search history? Boobs. Nice butts. I remember the first time we had access to my buddy's family computer, and I think he Googled wet tits. Wet tits? I think he did wet tits. Dude, we used to do girls with a Z. G-I-R-L-E.

I'll tell you, I do remember that one time when I was fucking, yeah, right in the early days when we first got a printer, I remember I found like a photo like that and then printed it off and I had it folded up. And then one time I got it wet. So it was like half the titties were like wetted out, but I still had it like folded up. He's at my bed table. I go, oh, hello.

My old friend We meet again What titties This says On a quick google search It says Taylor has 47 million And the same sort of Quick google search

Was broken 200 million Oh how much does Neil Young do a month Can't you just see on Spotify How many monthly views Yeah For music you can

And he was 6 million 6 million So if there's any truth to that It's like yeah, yeah, bro, I'm like 30 times your value. But it's also like even, I don't know, I feel like Rogan is just like he said some shit that's wrong. Like fucking everybody else has been wrong at times, you know what I mean? He ultimately at the end of the day is a, if he was like a scientist, a doctor giving wrong shit, it would be a different conversation. But at the end of the day, he's been like, don't listen to me.

I'm just like a pothead, meathead podcaster. He's also like, if he has been wrong, he's owned up to it in the past. He's like, I don't know. He's got something wrong on a podcast.

That's crazy to be like, I can't be on the same platform as this guy. That's nuts to me. It's gotta be kind of cool though. Like, imagine being so famous, Neil Young hates you. Don't.

For no fucking, really no reason. How famous am I? Neil Young hates you I don't for no fucking really no reason how famous am I Neil Young hates my guy I don't want to be like I mean sometimes you can just always be like this cynical take

or whatever but if also is like a 100% like a fucking Neil Young publicity stunt like how much we're talking about

Neil Young now but the same thing Howard Stern it's like it's kind of interesting that like the only way a lot of these people can get press

is in the context of Joe Rogan's name. Throw rocks at the throne. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he puts people on and then puts people on just by hating him. You know what I mean? He's good about promoting other people, but also if you want to get some time. If anything, if Neil Young disagrees, he should go on the show. That's like the fucking, it's this, like, why wouldn't you?

If Neil Young's like, oh, I have, here's why he's wrong and this is wrong and this is why this doctor's wrong. It's like, okay, go fucking debate. Talk about it and prove it. Yeah, it's not the old days where it's like, now you'd have to go get this show to do it. Like, you could literally call him on Zoom and hash this out and a million would watch it.

Right. Well, I think the main thing recently, the main thing recently was he said something like, the vaccine is worse for your heart than covid and there was a doctor on who was like absolutely fucking not and he showed him like why it's not and then rogan had an article from like the uk from another doctor that said it was so at least he had like some it probably depends on your fucking age or whatever and all that stuff listen Listen, I don't believe in doctors, vaccine, COVID, or Joe Rogan. I think all of them are folks. I think podcasting's a myth. None of this shit is real.

This is just fucking milk cartons with strings at this point. There's like three people listening to this. Nobody knows. Everybody has been wrong about all of this shit all along. It's like nobody's worse than the fucking others. It's just crazy to me that people have just vilified the fuck out of that guy who's just like i'll take it more from old guys because like you know if if like if you are fucking 80 and uh like you know you probably like covid is a way bigger threat to you yeah so i'm a little

more sympathetic when people are like really old and they're like super, super, super safe. Rogan's like, this shit's not a big deal. It's like, I might fucking die if I get this. Yeah, if you're a peak athlete. Yeah, if you're a hitter or whatever. But like, again, I think Neil Young's been like, this is the only way a lot of these people,

like Howard Stern, when I actually did this, when I heard this, because Howard Stern was like one of my favorites forever, right? Do you still listen to him? No, I don't listen to like things like i mean it's crazy when i like he still got like a hundred million dollar a year deal and i'm like yeah well he's the flagship like holding at some point that's like he's not the same guy the listenership has to be down well he used to be like this is a thing like with howard stern like he was once the guy that was

like oh fucking that guy has a wacky opinion like let's have him on and gas him up to get him to say wild shit. Which is to some degree what a lot of big podcasters do. But now he's the guy that's like, oh, this guy has a wild opinion. We need to fucking stop this guy. Yeah, he did such a... He used to have fucking people on the KKK on and be like, what's the problem with Jews? Because he knew it was entertaining, right? But now he's like, well,

entertaining comes second to my role as a judge on fucking Fox, too. You know what I mean? He does a talent show. He's making bank off of now. You get older, you make more money, you have a lot more to lose, and your perspective, I hope, changes. I hope you're not the same

asshole when you were 22 and you're fucking making porn stars come on your... Yeah, but to just be like the total opposite of like... But anyway, so I googled his name. Like, no, you can just type a word in, like titties, and then you press news, and you're like, when titties are in the news again, they're still nice. Top article,

still pretty sick. But I, if you google his name and press news, all four of his last things that were like relevant were all the tennis player dude is an asshole, fucking meatloaf's a fucking idiot for not getting vaccinated,

Joe Rogan's... So he hasn't been in the news for six months except for like, you know, this other guy's a fucking idiot because of vaccine stuff. And that's the name of the fucking game at this point, I guess.

I think he's still wired that old fashioned way to where that's good. He's like, you know, no press is bad press. Like you just want to, all you want is your name being in the news. So the only time he gets in the news is that. So then all of a sudden it's like,

Oh, another like an anti, the anti-vax guy died. And he was like, oh, here we go. I can get my clicks again. But he doesn't realize that it's... But it's also just like, at that, I mean, after so many years of doing, like being real, I just feel like that's, you're like above that if you're Howard Stern. But I guess, who fucking cares?

Who can stay like relevant into their 75? Right, right. Because at some point, it's just like, I don't care about anything you have to say. You're a fucking old asshole. Just shut up. And he's good at interviews. So he could have very easily turned into,

you know what, I'm going to do a once a week thing. I don't know, to some degree, leave with grace. Because it really is, you're 75 years old, and being like, no, no, no uh all of the new generation is all wrong and like it's just straight up like no i'm not it's not the kids are wrong yes that he's totally become that meme but also like it's the rap the rappers are my favorites like the the 50 year old rappers they're like rappers these days blah blah like they're the rock and roll used to be good, but for rap.

What's weird about rap is it's so new that this is the first time we're seeing old rappers. Which is why I like the best. That's exactly right. Yeah, you know, like, we never,

anybody who was really good who would have been old got fucking murdered. Yeah, exactly. So now it's the first time we're getting to see, like, Jay-Z and Dre and Eminem and these guys be, like,

50 and 60. Like, at some point, like, a rapper's gonna break a hip and be in like a nursing home you know and it's like man this guy's been firing guns

and fucking bitches and now you know he like he got gout or some shit well that's what they said about rap they go rapper you know

when we were younger people used to play instruments then the rappers now go when we were kids the rappers rapped faster yeah yeah we didn't use auto-tune we used fucking we used our own voices

The new guy But that's why I love The rap situation is funny Because no matter what So we now know that Even rap, you become the old man Yelling about the previous generation But inherently

What they talked about will always be edgy and cool and shit. You know what I mean? Like forever they're talking about murder and drugs and pussy and shit. That doesn't go out of style if you will. It might not be popular but I just feel like the

new age music was always a little more edgy and were a little tougher. Okay i'll back you up you think remember remember uh like think about uh fucking what 80s or let's say what 70s music was that wasn't more edgy than like 80s pop bands and then it kind of got like you know let's say 90s alternative uh is where it went next and you had a lot of like kind of hard rock bands in that sort of Nirvana's there no I'm saying did the Nirvana was it harder than

and I'm in too deep and I'm trying I'm saying that it goes back and forth I guess it ebbs and flows well because culture's always like a reaction to what happened before

but I feel like with rap being always like cause there hasn't really always there hasn't been a genre that has bluntly been just about pussy

and drugs and violence and murder and shit. You know what I mean? 80s hair metal was about pussy. And metal was always about fucking like a slinger fucking throw it up. And I'll piss in the corpse. I can't believe. Do you listen to metal? Yeah, kind of.

I was way more like a punk kind of guy. But yeah, I like the metal. Metal is fucking crazy. To pick up a new CD back in the day and just like. Yeah, just like the metal. Metal's fucking crazy. To pick up a new CD back in the day and just be like, brrrr. Yeah, just like trying

to pick up a chick. Like, you want my demo? Here's my mixtape. So fucking weird, man. What was the last video I was texting you about where you were just going right up to the fucking cops

being like, so his last, what was, you were like, are the guns going right up to the fucking cops being like, so his last, what was, you were like, are the guns loaded? Do you know how to do this? Like, are you,

are you trained? It was just unreal. Like you went up there with reckless fucking up. It was old school bugging people. Yeah. It's just the man on the street shit. Like I'm just, how was that?

Ignorant asshole. And it's going to be funny. That's my, what was the thing where I was texting you about the, the, he goes, the Rappaport video where the guy was saying Rappaport.

He was like, oh, you know, real music. It was old school. MD or, you know, learn the game or whatever. He parodied Mike Rappaport talking about like,

he's like, yo, what up, Duke? Listen, back in my day, like Nas was the illest. It was just like so perfect. It's his battle rap, dude. I think he's from Toronto,

my buddy said. But anyways, it was perfect. It's his battle rap, dude. I think he's from Toronto, my buddy said. But anyways, it was like, that's my man on the street. That's the old school where you literally find a thing and just do it like 12 times. I just kept asking cops questions. And with this guy, you ever do one of those pranks? That used to be the old prank call style, right? Where you would call people and be like, one we used to do is you would call like a fucking restaurant and be like, hey, do you guys have peas?

Yeah. Do you guys have drinks? Yeah. Do you guys have hamburgers? Yeah. Do you have cheese? And you go, can I get this guy to 25 things in a row, right?

So a lot of people used to do that thing and it was like, I don't know, that's like such an old school like fucking Tom Green-esque. I missed it. We had someone do it to us recently. Someone here.

We got pranked. We got pranked. We did. Someone fucking this girl Brianna Chicken Fry works here. She prank called us. It looked like we called each other. It's like an app where you can put in two different numbers and they call each other. Yo, babe. Yeah. What up? yo babe yeah what up hello yo what's up what's up nothing what's going on you just called me i called you no you called me no bro you called me. No, bro. You called me.

Bro, I'm sitting here watching fucking Geostorm. My phone vibrates on my couch. I picked it up. I was in the middle of texting, and your thing popped down. Said, Vice is calling me. So we both, so like, I was watching a movie. I didn't have my phone in my hand. Starts ringing Kevin.

So I get the phone. I'm like, yo, what's up? And he's like, what's up? I'm like, what's up, man? And we went back and forth. We sounded like such douchebags. It was yo, what's up? And he's like, what's up? He called me. What's up, man? And we went back and forth. We sounded like such douchebags. It was like, what's up, bro? What's up, dude? I was like, what do you mean, bro?

You called me. He's like, no, dude. Dude, dude. Dude, no, bro. I was like, bro, no, dude. It was like, oh, we are so fucking stupid. It was so embarrassing. What a good brand.

But people were like, how did you guys not figure it out? I was like, I don't know. People were like that? Yeah, I was like, because this is not a thing that happens. To be like, oh, wait a minute. I think someone's put our numbers into an app and called each other. But we both thought maybe it did happen, and we were both just kind of letting it go. Yeah, what's lucky is that I accidentally, I think I hit the hang up button or whatever. And then I called him back and we had a conversation that could not have been public.

So had it not got cut off, I would have kept going. And that would have not been good. We started talking business and money and numbers. We had like three separate topics that the world can't hear. Those agent consent laws. I got a bit of a... So dude, she was 16. You're lying. The bit of a... So do it. She was 16. You're lying!

You're lying! A good old fashioned prank call though. Listening to that conversation. We also didn't know that we were getting pranked. He called me right back right away and we started having this conversation and then after that conversation ends, we get the tweet. She posted a video. Ha like haha it was a prank

and she posted the video and we were like holy fucking shit I could just picture her face while she's like and then I fucking murdered him with my bare hands like now let's do a daily holocaust talk

did it happen we should somehow prank her back and do that kind of shit that's when i raped her they used to do the howard stern that's a perfect example they used to do the fucking best prank they used to do one like they used to call this swap shop and you go google it or youtube it where you just go like 10 hours of tradio richard and sal and they would call this like this swap shop where people called to be like, hey, I'm selling a lawnmower or whatever. And they'd be like, hey, I'm selling some Auschwitz gold teeth

and all these wild things, right? But then they started getting real crazy where there was a guy that would call in and they would clip his voice and call in to make him sound like he was saying weird things. And like, oh, he was being crazy. And then he would call in and be like, hey, just so you know like that guy who called in wasn't me then they would clip that and they were just wreaking havoc on this line dude there was something pure about fucking prank calling that was back when there wasn't like enter oh i i still like that's one of the main things that i do if i let's say on a random night, I fucking have a couple drinks by myself.

That's the first 100%. And I just catch myself like five. I come home after a show or whatever, and I still can have a couple more in me. I just sit there until 5 a.m. watching fucking old school prank calls. Some of the simplest ones are the best. Yeah, and it was like

there's no back then it wasn't like you had the every streaming service and the internet at your fingertips it was just like I'm gonna put on like a jerky boys album or whatever so good I remember just like one the guy would he kept prank calling people but he was asking about buying someone's weights or whatever but he was working out at the time so he's like oh I just one second I gotta do it just hate you I'm calling someone like or do you can't take a buying someone's weights or whatever, but he was working out at the time. So he's like, hold on just one second. I got to do a second. Just hate you for calling someone to organize something but you can't take a break from lifting. My favorite one, before Jack, yes, when they were CKY,

when they were Camp Kill Yourself, he called up an electric fence company and asked them, he's like, I own a daycare and I need 30 of these things to put on the kids. And the conversation goes on long enough and then the girl on the other side even, she's like, she says at the end she's like, how many people are listening to this on speakerphone?

She's like, I want to thank you, you made my day better. They probably loved it. They're probably like, I've been cold calling all fucking day. But the way he was like, did they, did they, did they, did they burn on their neck? And he's like, yeah, probably. And he was like do they do they do they do they do they do they

do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they

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do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they do they funnier than this. I was like that with at the elementary school table, listening on a tape player. You kicked my dog. Yes. Kerbal? Never will be funny. Kerbal's a legend.

My friend would just call. He could do it so well, and he was so funny, but he would only call his grandma. We just put this woman through hell like absolute fucking hell like have her running up and down stairs like like like it's it's really lucky we brought it up and down stairs being like did you hear that i am downstairs in your basement

she'd like she'd be like where is he where is he i mean that's some Sociopathic shit You sick son of a bitch We'd have like a whole Hockey team And we'd be like In the fucking like Like sleepover camps And stuff like that We'd all be packed

Into a room Just fucking Dying as this kid Just puts his Like legitimate Torture from an old woman Who barely knows Just how a phone works

You know what I mean Like she was You're a bad person You're a bad person. You're a bad person. I wasn't doing it. He was... You were an accomplice. I would be like,

hey, hey, go to grandma. But I wasn't doing it, dude. I mean, you dabble. You said you were kind of doing like jackass stuff I've been doing this.

Yeah, I was doing that stuff since I was 13. Some of them, I look back, it was like we weren't even... At first, we weren't filming it. We were just doing it for sick kicks. The thing you just remembered,

make me remember, there's this guy, Jerick, who's like my friend when I was growing up. These girls that we were like sort of dating, we,

do you remember this program, Sub 7? There was this old thing where you could like hack someone's computer and then put stuff up and we had this whole thing where we were,

these guys from other schools fighting and all of us would be one of us like talking to them and one of us doing it and then we were never seen at the same time so we had to bring in a third guy and then we organized a fight at our school that me and because they these guys were fucking with our girls and me and jerek were gonna go down to the baseball diamond where everyone fought to meet these guys and everyone was like gathered around like fucking 50 people how the fights were knowing me and Jarek were going to fight like ourselves

and the guy's name was P-Man on the thing and I just remember it was like probably one of my favorite moments that we went down there and me and Jarek were in the thing

and we're like waiting for this guy the time's up and then Jarek just goes he stands up he goes where the fuck are you P-Man literally the minute we fucking got away we ran into the bushes and go

we like i know these pussies wouldn't show and it was us the whole time it was like fucking insane i mean that is some next level orchestrating nothing to do yeah yeah how old are you when you do that probably like grade 10 yeah yeah i How old were you when you did that? Probably like grade 10. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's probably like a precursor to how you know you were going to be a fucking entertainer of some sort. We used to do all that shit. Because that shit is next level. Yeah, I would fucking...

We used to... Like with the band, we used to just go on tour and just do like wild shit. Like just stuff that probably good that there wasn't like an internet to put it up on. Sure. I don't know. We played at this high school once like two hours away and we just went and we're like we broke into all the teachers things and rearranged all the stuff and we're like this video was like so funny to watch what we were doing but like afterwards like a good thing we didn't have

youtube i'm in jail yo i mean mark hoppus as we had an interview with gq with mark hoppus recently where he's talking about he's like hey, yeah, if I filmed like everything we did was illegal. Yeah. He's like, we'd have like interviews where we like, Tom would jump up and turn off the lights and we knew like immediately that meant like, this is what he implies. He doesn't say it in his words,

but it's implied that like when the lights came back on they were all naked. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that shit. That's a great fucking move. Yeah, yeah That's a great Fucking move Yeah yeah But you're going To god damn jail If you do it now

My classic The classics When I think of Being like 11, 12 Was going to the mall And we put gelatin In the janitor's bucket That was like a big

That was like a big One for us I just love the thought Of like You know You call someone On like their house phone. It's like, yo, what's up, Ryan?

What do you want to do, man? You want to go to the mall and put gelatin in the janitor's room? It's like, yeah, I'll see you there. Mom, can you drive me to the mall? You know, it's just like another day at the office is what we do. And the janitor wakes up and he's probably like, I'm probably going to put gelatin in this fucking thing. And then when it happens, they're like, curses!

They did it again! We had a teacher that every day when she was in class, we took turns going and yelling her name in this line, and we took turns going to her thing once a day, and someone would go, lying! And there was no payoff. It was just, once a day,

someone in the crew had to go and yell this into the class. That's it. End of the bit. No payoff. Did it for two years. I heard you on, I think it was Sickler's podcast, talking about when you pretended to be retarded for the substitute.

But then she ended up staying for longer. So he was like, fuck, I got to keep this up now. It's French class. French class I had some of my best bits. French class was where I really fucking... You did your good work That was my hate material I think that might have been one of my best ones

Of all time was when we put the We changed her DVD that was That taught you stuff with a porno So then she put So she put the porno in and then we all go Oh Ms. Faldman you pervert Yo so that's what we used to do We used to do fucking,

we would pretend that, in the library, we would pretend the computers were frozen. But what we would have done was we had photoshopped the background, the desktop image. But it was like, so the desktop,

we made the main picture Lemon Party. But then, naturally, we know that that's where this is going. But then we made all the icons, like they were also pictures So you couldn't click on them so you couldn't click on anything Yeah That's good shit Working and then like we get the librarian to come and librarian move the mouse immediately pop up

They'd be frantically trying to click That was that was good stuff And then they'd be frantically trying to click out. That was good stuff. That was good stuff. That was like Lemon Party was just easy peasy. You change their homepage and you go, oh, but that's next level. Fuck with the picture and everything. Couldn't click anything. I don't know how to do it.

My friend was the one who would do it, but we'd get it together. And then the other one we'd do is we'd to we go to library early in the day and like his phones weren't as essential as they were as they are now so like we'd be like i'm talking on my phone today and we just tape it under chairs and then like later like during lunch break the libraries where we like hung out in our school and we'd like like go into another room and just call our own phones and then library would start screaming people. And they'd be like, it's not my phone! It's just fun to wreak havoc on unsuspecting people.

Can you imagine that somewhere out there there's a dude who made LemonParty.org or whatever, and was just like... He's probably in a bar right now telling some dudes about it. Can I get a free one on that? Yeah, we've time to go home. I don't know what monetization was.

You know who I am? I'm the most visited site on the internet. Do you remember me? It's less important than Google. I was thinking that it would be funny, like, the guy who invented, like, the first When You Nutted But She's Still Sucking meme. Like, the people who fucking come up with those ones that last forever, and they're like, that was me?

That's fucking incredible. That's a good one. Like they're like, that was me? That's fucking incredible. That's a good one. Like, you could – we could just start lying about that stuff. Yeah. I'm the guy. I made the guy. It is also crazy when you think about the internet and how many, like, graveyards essentially there are where no one's still going to a lemon party. Not to the extent – I mean, we would go to a lemon party 10 times a day.

Absolutely. It was just like constantly getting someone to go to a lemon party. Go to SCOX. Yeah, go to the Levin party 10 times a day. Absolutely. It was just like constantly getting someone to go to Levin party. Go to SC. Yeah, go to SC. All that shit. Like when I was in college, you walk down like the hallway of your dorm and you're hearing Meetspin play. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You spin me, right? And it's like, yep, somebody got got, you know? But yeah, Goat City and Tub Girl and like all that shit. It's all still hosted on a server somewhere, but like no one's really going anymore. It's there. We need to revive that, man. We need to have have the new kids. I want to just explain it to some TikTok kids

who would be like, so the joke was just, you opened up the computer and there was a bunch of old Asian men sucking each other's dicks? Yeah, man! That's the joke! Is that correct? Go fucking do the Renegade or whatever. We were funny, okay, man? It was just old men sucking it.

What was Lemon Party supposed to be for? There's still some throwback dudes. You'll see the fucking new kids throwing back to the just walk into a store and fall into the stuff era. Just good old-fashioned fun. What really hit a couple years ago was people just throwing the gallons of milk in the air. They were just like, we're going to throw milk in the air

and have it explode, and then you've got to clean it up. Like, I would absolutely beat the shit out of some kid if he did that. Oh, we used to fucking get beat up quite a bit. I remember that. That was also back when, like, you could get, like, a security guard or something who could probably rough you up and not get fucking, like, sued. Right now, it's like, all right, nobody can touch anybody or do anything. That's like, you put gelatin in my thing, I'm going to whack you with my broom.

Once a week, or for a little, I don't know how often, but there was this one span that we had where we were frequenting this Greek restaurant that we used to blow bubbles into. And then one time the dude just came and beat the shit out of all of us. And we were like 13.

When I was in eighth grade, we... And the cops were like, and the cops basically like came down and this and that. And it was like a whole thing. And the cops were basically like, I mean, yeah down And this and that And it was like a whole thing And the cops were basically like I mean yeah You guys are a piece of shit

They sided with the guy And it kind of like That was the end of it We were egging houses In like 8th grade And this guy came Running out of his house And he grabbed my one friend

And he like Did like a back fist Punched my other friend In the face And he dragged My one friend Into his basement And he brought him

Back to his house Stop So we were like 8th grade That like eighth grade nightmare we were like petrified and we ran it was like cops driving around because it was halloween night or mischief night so those cops kind of like patrolling so we ran and got one we were like that like this guy just like kidnapped our friend and they went and like got him and but like they they were kind of like on him spitting on a fucking they were like on both sides they were kind of like on both sides. They were kind of like, so what are you guys dressed up as? Because we're all in black hoodies and black pants running around vandalizing shit. So what have you guys been up to?

And we were like, just trick-or-treating. And they were like, you fucking assholes. But then we heard the cop in the other room with the other guy being like, so you're beating up on 13-year-old kids and taking them back to your house, huh? But I was like, this is... That's bananas. It was a wild one. I feel like you should get charged with more of a crime for for us or him him yeah i know i mean he i mean i we also like busted my friend's balls

being like you're so slow dude once you run away like all of us got away you're the slowest of the bunch that's what happens you get kidnapped dude he said he tried to run and he ran we had a friend named animal his nickname was Animal. So you can imagine, you know. Animal. And he was, like, slow. And so my buddy said he turned to run, and he just, like, ran into Animal. And that's why the guy was able to collar him. Collar him.

But it was just, like, there's something pure about that. Just fucking shit up and being an asshole to people. It was the best. And just not caring. But now when I watch prank videos and shit, I'm like, you guys are assholes. But I'm like, eh. When you watch what videos?

Like prank videos and shit like that on the internet now. Most prank videos stink. Yeah, but they are just as stupid as the dumb shit we were doing.

No, but it was some more humor. No, I'll see the odd thing that I still like. I just, most people suck at it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You had to really love the game to go buy a camera just to make these videos to show to your friends. You had to really love the game to go buy a camera just to make these videos to show to your friends. You had to be a student of the game. Nowadays.

Now it's so immediate, you know? But like the big, like, you know, I'm going to go... The worst prank is they whispering in their ear the sex noises.

Like they go do that and it's just like, this is fucking the least effort you guys can make. Or the hood. Like, I'm going to go to the hood

and step on people's shoes. It's like, you're going to get beat up, dude. That wasn't, you're right, that was an era where guys were like, we're going to go spit on black dudes. Yeah, like, very, like, not subtly racist. That was a whole, like you said, era. That was a whole genre. They were to find poor people and make their day even worse.

Going to the hood. But also, they would get beat up. Yeah, yeah. Those guys were not fucking around. That's what I was going to say. Yo, it's a prank. It's a camera. It was a whole job. They were to find poor people and make their day even worse. But also they would get beat up. Those guys were not fucking around. It's a prank. It's a camera. It's a camera. We don't care. How is that a prank, bro? You just stepped on my, like, I'll fucking kill you. The camera doesn't make up for the fact that you just ruined my $120 pair of shoes, you fucking asshole.

This one we call N-word of the basketball game. But also, like, yeah, there was no payoff. I was actually thinking about this yesterday when me and I think Danny were talking about this because someone was talking

about the videos I do and they were kind of saying like, oh, it reminds me of like these, you know, like Nathan For You and some of that stuff. I was like,

well, yeah, that's because we're all Canadian and that's how we do fucking stuff the same way that like, like Canadian humor and British humor, like Ali G, all of, it's always like the person on camera doesn't really know that what the bit is. Whereas if you think of like Billy on the street, Eric Andre, like a lot of the American versions, there's no discrepancy. There's no like you're you're still fucking getting a reaction out of them.

But there's no confusion as to what's happening. Right. Like he's like, oh, I'm a guy in your face with a microphone doing this thing. And that is actually what's happening. Whereas I feel like Canadian and British humor is way more like you're sort of – You're in it. They don't know what they're in. Right, right, right.

And I feel like that's the big – That's why I think that's better. I think it's better. I think that Canadians – it's just Canadians and British people I think are better. And if you look at the most famous ones of all time, they're always, they're not American. Most famous, like, pranks. No.

Or street on the streets. Like, men on the street. You know, messing with people kind of thing. Right, because when they don't know is when it's the best. I think so. I think it's just, it's that, like, awkward humor, right? Where it's, like, America's just, like, in your face. But it's, I mean, it's better for some other type of stuff. I think jackass, like, the jackass style humor,

I think American's better because it is all about fucking the friends and it's all about... There's no housing around this thing. The thing is what it is. We're going to put a fish hook in our mouth and go in the thing. Americans, I think, were the best

at doing frat jackass, bro-y shit, which I fucking love. But I think we're the best at doing like kind of frat jack ass kind of bro-y shit, which I fucking love. But I think the like subtle, the bugging people on the street has like a more subtle art form.

What's the one we love? I Think You Should Be Here? Is that what it's called? I Think You Should Leave? I Think You Should Leave. But that's just that's sketch comedy. Yeah,

but there's, but like the, like when he's doing the, when he's in the mall just walking around being like, I shouldn't be here. But there's people around who are not.

No, I think they're in on it. Everybody in that? Yeah, yeah. I thought there were people like. That is the best sketch I've seen in a long time. But yeah, I think everyone in that is on it. The Jackass, I think Jackass, whatever they're calling it is coming out in February, right? Yeah.

Jackass Forever. Yeah. That is going to be something. Bunch of gray hair guys. I will be at the theater like opening night. Yeah. I'll do that too. I don't do that for Star Wars or Marvel or whatever.

I'm going opening night. That'd be a good like 20 person rip. You know what I mean? Drunk at the theater. Yeah. Like that is going to be, I'll probably shed some tears at the end of that, man. I really genuinely believe Jackass is up there for the funniest thing that's ever happened.

Just because it was so good. It was amazing. Encore, encore. But no, I mean, it's the – and I heard Bam actually is now in it. Really? He's back? I heard somebody – Shout out to the kid.

I mean, I don't think he – you know, they did the whole movie already, so maybe they added something in. I feel like he is going to be part of it somehow. That was know, they did the whole movie already, so maybe they added something in. I feel like he is going to be part of it somehow. That was a bummer, that whole thing. Yeah, that's not. So if there is some sort of, like, ending with him, it would be, I will probably be emotional about that, which is hilarious to think. But to me, that was, and if you didn't grow up in that era,

you probably don't know it or think it or agree. But, like, man, that was, shopping carts when they first did that was just. That's a perfect example, I've never laughed harder. They're the better, they're like amazing at doing like a bit where there isn't more to it. Like Johnny Knoxville would do like, hey, or I have balls like hanging out, but it's like

there wasn't any awkward situation more than just like, huh? What do you think? This is fucking weird. There wasn't more to it. I'm gonna like,'m going to smash this pumpkin on this guy's head. It was funny.

It was great. The waking up your parents era. We're just going to torture fat guys. I got into the waking up my parents era. Were your parents just fucking dread you? My parents were divorced at the time. I up my parents there. Were your parents just fucking like, did they just drink you? My parents were divorced at the time, and I had a couple of like, I think my mom wasn't, yeah, I was pretty stoked about it.

I wasn't actually waking them up, but I was doing things. I was forcing her to be a part of my things on camera. Stoked is a good way to put it. I fucking hate this kid so much. Yeah, she didn't love it. That was the genre, though. If you wanted to be a fucking bugging people on the street guy back then, your mom's also a bugging people on the street guy now.

Sorry, Mom. You're the guinea pig on this shit now. I gotta express myself. It really was. I can't think of anyone from back in the day that a big part of their show wasn't throwing pies in their dad's face. Especially the dads too. It's like dads

had so little patience to begin with anyway. Like I gotta pay this mortgage and fucking you know keep this house up and you just hit me

in the face with a pie. Great. I think in some weird way some parents like are just like okay this is probably more productive than like him

just getting suspended constantly. Right. This is not just like than him just getting suspended. Right. At least he's not just doing drugs on the street. Come home and fuck it up. So the loser in his class doesn't have to deal with it? I will. At least he's not shooting up this school. Whatever, man.

Oh, man, I love it. All right, let's go next door. We're going to do another Answer the Internet. All right, hell yeah. All right, thanks for having me on, boys. Thank you, brother. I ask nothing of you. There's only one thing in this world I ask of you as fans.

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