KFC Radio - Tom Segura Gets Invited to the Annual Bert Kreischer Amsterdam Trip

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Tom Segura Gets Invited to the Annual Bert Kreischer Amsterdam Trip Tom Segura, a renowned American stand-up comedian, podcaster, writer, and actor, has been capturing audiences worldwide with his unique blend of storytelling and observational humor. Born on April 16, 1979, in Cincinnati, Ohio, Segura's comedic career took off in the early 2000s, establishing him as one of the key players in the comedy scene. Known for his Netflix specials, "Completely Normal" (2014), "Mostly Stories" (2016), "Disgraceful" (2018), "Ball Hog" (2020), and now "Sledgehammer"(2023). Tom Segura's comedic style perfectly blends everyday scenarios with a relatable yet edgy perspective. In addition, Segura co-hosts the wildly popular podcast "Your Mom's House" with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, as well as "2 Bears 1 Cave" with Burnt Chrysler (aka The Machine aka Bert Kreischer) further highlighting his comedic prowess. His rich experiences, combined with his knack for comedy, make Segura a must-see for all comedy enthusiasts. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Support the sponsors HelloFresh Go to https://HelloFresh.com/kfc50 and and use code plan50 for 50% off plus free shipping! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Get tickets to our live shows here: https://linktr.ee/kfcrlive Timecodes: 00:00 Start 04:22 What does Tom Segura Do on Tour? 08:32 Getting in shape 11:03 Tom Segura's Dunk Champ Injury 14:36 Bad Experiences are Great Material 15:27 Acknowledging your success 17:13 The I'm Coming Everywhere Tour 22:01 Tom's was sick filming his Pilot 35:12 2 Bears 1 Cave 41:31 Good Morning America 43:47 Sledgehammer is #1 on Netflix 47:58 Amsterdam Looking for a side-splitting comedy podcast? Look no further than KFC Radio from Barstool Sports! Hosted by Kevin Clancy and John Feitelberg, this hilarious show covers everything from pop culture and current events to personal stories and relationship advice. With their signature irreverent humor and quick wit, Kevin and John keep their listeners laughing week after week. Tune in for a dose of gut-busting laughter and become a part of the KFC Radio community today! #KFCRadio #BarstoolSports #TomSeguraYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It sounds like, at least we discussed, the Amsterdam trip that we did with Burt becoming an annual thing. No shit. Wait, always to Amsterdam? I think that was the move. I think that was the idea. So, are you going to join us?

We are in Jersey City this Thursday, July 13th at White Eagle Hall. Tickets are available in the description below. Fantastic. Come out. Good to see you guys. Good to see you too. Yeah, we haven't done it in person in a while, right? I remember it was October of 21.

Yeah. October 21. And that was you were doing like a... I just kind of started my tour. Yeah. I was going to say, you were on that same tour, weren't you? Yeah, that tour just started. That's fucking disgusting.

That tour started in August. And it was just two months into the tour. Holy shit. And I remember you were doing like, you were doing, you were pissed about doing like, you were doing like somewhere in Jersey that you booked because... Yeah, yeah. That's a good memory. Yeah.

Because, yeah, I had to do... It was like I had... I wanted to do like a make good. Like, ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, the fuck am I doing? The amount of shit that I agree to in the moment

to do something good or right, and then when it comes, I'm like, why the fuck did I do this? It's part of getting older. Yeah. I just don't ever want to do anything other than the bare minimum. Or just like shit you really want to do. Yeah. I just don't ever want to do anything other than the bare minimum. Or just shit you really want to do.

If you don't have to. Have to do, want to do, and then anything else. I'm like, having kids sucks. That's what I was saying this weekend. We're like, I guess I'm getting older now. This is the first time I've really realized it with Fourth of July shit. Yeah. Where it wasn't just go to a pool and get drunk.

Where I was driving to cookouts to see friends kids and shit i was like i don't want to do fucking any of this this sucks i don't want to hang out with your kid today i don't want to do it dude i've been i've been screaming it from the mountaintops like having kids sucks other kids having kids sucks it sucks right i mean like yeah you love your kids but it objectively sucks it changes your whole life yes and it's like all the shit you used to do for fun, you can't do anymore. And you get a lot of other satisfaction or whatever, fulfillment, blah, blah, blah. But the fun of it is gone. The thing is that nobody feels like you're not allowed to say that.

I say it every time people are like, you're a bad dad. I know, I know. It's like the thing is telling you the truth the women they they actually deal with a like a almost worse version of it big time because women will not be honest about pregnancy about anything yeah but i mean like when it comes to like being moms right and so then you'll see that like women who are newly pregnant or newly moms are like I guess I'm supposed to go like what a joy

and they don't talk about the suffering an alien just ripped through your body and you're supposed to go like I'm blessed no it's a traumatic fucking experience and then by the way they're going to suck on your tits for a year all of it's a nightmare

I remember I used to be a guy that, like, if you go day off, sleep, like, however late you can sleep, I'd get up at, like, 11 or something. Yeah, yeah. Like, and then it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. My body. It's over. It's just shifted.

Yeah. Like, eight would be like. No shit, it's eight? Right. And's just shifted yeah like eight would be like no shit it's eight right like and then i wake up in like a panic yeah and if it were eight you know 10 years ago fuck am i getting paid yeah now it's like sleeping in uh i mean even on the road though like like when you're away because the the little bit of time, you know, when we go on the road, we go for like a weekend. Yeah. And I'm always like, my kids are at home.

Yeah. I can't even do anything to help them out if they needed me anyway. Yeah. Like, we're not recording that day. So, like, I truly have a day off and I still kind of like. Well, here's the thing. The thing that fucked up about, I don't know, there's just aging in your body. If I go to bed super late, like 3 in the a.m., I feel terrible, but I can't sleep till noon.

Yeah, it just doesn't happen. So I just wake up and I just feel horrible. Right, right, right. So if I get to bed at midnight and it is the day off tomorrow, yeah, it'll be like, if I sleep well, it'll be like 8, 8.30. And you're just chilling? And then I feel good because I slept like eight hours. Right, right, right.

But most of the time, yeah, no. I just like, I look over and I'm like, oh, it's fucking 7. So what do you do? Because you don't strike me as like an activities guy. So it's a lot of time where you're just in cities that you, you know, don't live in. I tried to like, so when we were in Europe, we just did the European tour. I signed up for sightseeing things, museums, things like that. And first of all, you can overdo that.

If you go like, I don't want to be just in my room. And then all of a sudden you're like, fuck, how long have we been at this thing? All you want is your room. Yeah, it starts to wear you out. Well, like I said, said we go weekend at a time so it's very short bursts and so we do weird shit and dumb shit to like just have some material on stage and experience the city but if we were doing it every week i'd be like i just want to fucking sit on my bed it is good to experience things because you realize like i used to be the

guy who sits in his room always and any anybody be like hey do you want to i'd cut them off i don't want to but i've signed up for more i've signed up for more things yeah i do more activities and like what you know what did you just reach your breaking point of being like a no guy yeah yeah yeah and i switched i i feel like i i i once once people started like to not even invite me anymore yeah i was like fuck i became that dude who i realized that there's such thing as like about like a healthy balance and what it was is that like i don't want to say yes to everything i just want to be able to like try some things and then just kind of pick and choose and be like yes to this no to that right i also feel like you know one thing today like that's enough a thing i do a

thing a thing yeah and then do you want to know like do that come back go to the gym do the show right like i just i don't want to be up super late i just realized like i just don't yeah i do my show if it's two shows you do i still want to get the bed yeah because i i realize how much it sucks the next i already know like I'm going to feel like shit. That's got to be hard with this tour, particularly,

because you have, first of all, so many, obviously, so many destinations and so many spots, but also, like,

you know, you have in the special about Brad Pitt, I think you had Chris Long in there, like, you had, like,

people come out where you probably, yeah, you got to, like, do the show and then host. Yeah, most of them are, like, people are pretty where you probably like yeah you gotta like i don't i don't i don't like do the show and then host yeah most of them are like people are pretty good about that though you know like yeah because a lot of times they go what are you doing now i'm like nothing well i think that's the other thing people expect it to be like something yeah i mean you look at

your counterpart and it's like always something right so yeah it's like you're the polar opposite of that but i'd also imagine the people you're meeting are kind of like yeah no i'm gonna like just go back to my house yeah like we're gonna hit the bar no most i mean look if it if it's can like if it works that night i'll be like we're going to dinner you want to come to dinner right right that's about it that's like the activity you know i mean a couple times look every quarter we're like there's this crazy bar here. Let's go check it out. You know, whatever.

They have a rooftop bar. Let's go. Will you tie one on? Or are you just kind of like, I saw it. I would say I tie one on like twice a year. Yeah. I would say, because a lot of times, too, it's just in the moment. I have the second.

And then the third, I'm like, I'm tired. Bro, I'm tired. Bro, I'm tired. You are speaking my language. Or I'm like, I'm getting fucked up, and if I keep up with this, what's tomorrow like? I want tomorrow to be a day off if we're doing that. That's really the problem. Right, not me.

The other day, I just stayed up late, woke up in the morning, puked. I didn't drink. I woke up, and I immediatelyuked i didn't drink i i woke up and i could i immediately was like this is so bad i think i was just like i didn't sleep enough for the amount of ice cream that i ate and i was like i'm gonna puke i'm gonna puke in about 10 minutes and i fucking did i was like this is rock bottom man it sucks it's so bad i'm all about just feeling okay i want to feel better i mean but you're you've had to have changed with how much you've gotten in shape i mean i just i here's the thing if you like you know i worked out like last night i went to bed late and uh i was just like

just fucking being stupid too like looking at shit shit online. Yeah, you're like, I'm going to do this for an hour and a half. Yeah, and I'm like, I got to go to bed. So I woke up, and I was kind of dragging. I had a little breakfast, and I was like, how much time before I? And I had an hour, 15. So I went to the gym. It's the only thing that knocks that fog out. Once you get a sweat going, you're like, oh, I'm alert.

He's the best about that. Yeah, I want to be alert. be alert everywhere we go partying or work he always goes to the gym yeah i mean i but i do it not did that help you now like can you you still feel like shit if you just if i had generally feel like shit if i if i hadn't what if i hadn't worked out i just would have showed up today kind of like yeah you know, and instead like I actually showed up like, what's up? Like I'm ready for the day. I always make sure to like do something like 20 minutes, half hour before the show. I love it.

Like not like do 20 minutes, half hour of working out before, you know, an hour and a half before the show, whatever it is. Yeah. But just cause like that may be a little more clear on stage. Yeah.

And it must be so funny listening to us sit here and say this and like, just like healthy will be like, we've been telling you. We're talking hundreds of times. It's not a secret. None of it is. It's never a secret. And then people are like, do you hear what Tom and John said on the podcast? Working out helps them.

Also, when I eat bad food, I feel shitty. But when you were doing that, were you like, fuck, I wish I was a person who's in shape and I ate right and I just like can't? Or were you just kind of like, I don't give a fuck? Because I feel like the injury was the big catalyst for you. Yeah, it was a big catalyst for sure. So if that didn't happen, do you think you would have reached a point or you would have just been like, I'm going to do this forever until I die? I just would have been like, well, because he would have known. Right.

There's no reason to stop. You know, in the sense that you're saying, we're like, of course, people tell you like, well, because he would have known. Right. Like, I mean, you know, in the sense that you're saying, we're like, of course people tell you like, eat, eat well and work out. Like, you know,

in that sense. Right. But I just, I think you get into like a comfort about like, I'm fine. Yeah. Like, this is just how I operate.

Yeah. It's like your life is good. Yeah. Your family, your job. I live on this level. Sure. But no,

it's good in that sense in that it kind of, something like that can wake you up it's also i found out very very common for people that have like traumatic injuries or orthopedic injuries to have like major shifts in that regard yeah it's like it's very very common where like people go through that and then they're like fuck and it just like affects them in a way yeah yeah by the way not talked enough about that. In the special Sledgehammer, everybody go watch it, you say very jokingly, I hurt myself in a slam dunk contest.

Yeah. But my man was thrown down on almost a 10-foot hoop. I mean, look. At a height. I told somebody this yesterday. He was like, oh, shit. I go, look, I dunked clean on nine, and I was 250. That's 250 pounds.

And I was 42. So I was not like a young guy. Bro, just being able to dunk like, you know, at all. Dunking clean at nine? On nine at 42. It's like, it's not. Look, people are going to be be like but it is though it's it's listen if you are if you don't have like some people are i i went to college with a dude i didn't even know

this was possible that had like a fucking but like a normal white guy with a crazy vertical i'd never really seen it and he was like he was goofy like he had a goofy... He was like, I can dunk. I was like, get the fuck out of here. He was like, come over. We went to the gym in North Carolina. I was like, okay, dipshit. Let's see it. He did a 360. He had a big dick, too. I don't know if this is true. He did. I saw it.

I was like, what? That dude has probably done that in his life a thousand times. Yeah. And it feels good every single time. And he did a – when he told me to, he goes, I can dunk. And I was like, sure. Good thing, pal. He's like 6'1".

That's crazy. And he went – he just like – he didn't do it – it wasn't like flashy. He just like went up and he just went whoop and I was like, no. There's something in the game we play Answer the Internet. One of the questions I think is, would you give up sex to be able to dunk? And I'm always like, no, man, it's pretty cool to dunk. It's so cool. There's something about, especially as a white guy, if you can just show up to a park and everybody looks at you and goes, eh, then you can bang one.

It's like, that's cool. I mean, in high school I saw a guy do it that I was like, Oh my God. We're not white. He, he did the cup. He got it cupped and went on the side. And I was like, I,

yeah, it brings, it literally brings the house. It does. It is. It's an, Oh my God. Yeah.

Moment. One of my clearest high school memories is we were just like in the gym playing basketball and the janitor walked in, didn't say anything to anybody, grabbed the ball off the rack, dunked it, and walked out. And we were like – That's 20 years later. I remember that more than 99% of the classes.

We were like, what the fuck was that? Stop playing. Stop playing. It was so cool. We have our memory for the day. And then going back to – the truth is I actually – I was like –

I was pretty fired up that I had dunked on nine. Totally. I was like – You just got all up that I had dunked on nine. Totally. You know, I was like – I was – and they had – And you just got all cocky. You got out over your skis on that one. They got – yeah, a little bit. There was bets that I couldn't at my office. I'm sure.

So I went in. Fuck you guys. As soon as I dunked, I was like, yeah. And then what did you go, like, nine and a half? Nine three. Nine three. Nine three. But also not because I was like i can do that

like the reason we raise it to nine three was somebody else in the gym was like i think you can do a little higher that's like the whole story the whole story is that he goes honestly like knowing how much it turned you around i i'm not gonna say it goes far to say like no no would you it is it's one of those things where it's like the worst yeah thing and the best thing that could have yeah it was it was horrible but yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't change it right i wouldn't want to experience it again yeah but i wouldn't change did you uh we have like a vibe here now that we've reached where when bad things happen yeah part of me goes like like we're gonna talk about this on the podcast we're gonna it's gonna be material it's gonna be you know uh just

a thing do you have that yeah of course something as extreme as that of course yeah i mean you like it's one of the reasons why it's good to like the camera to go do things we're saying like if you just stay in your room what happens is you just talk about your room you know like if you if you do other things what happens is you're actually engaging in life and then you talk about that i know it's like it's not even the thing that you went to do it's like i who cares that i went to the bar but on the way to the bar this crazy thing happened on the street and that's all that yeah i mean that's that was our last trip was like you know 90 of the things we

did was just the after aftermath was yeah the cool's just, yeah. They never anticipated that. You talk engaging in life. I saw you perform this special. I saw it at the Hulu Theater. And you had one of my favorite things I've seen. I remember growing up, almost taboo for comedians to acknowledge that they're doing well. At least that's what I heard when I was younger.

It was this pretend thing. Yeah. I think you guys are kind of at the forefront of, we're doing well. At least that's what I heard when I was younger. There's this pretend thing. Yeah. I think you guys are kind of at the forefront of like, we're making money. Look, I mean, I'm not trying to like,

I'm not boasting. Right. But you're just acknowledging what you were doing at the Hulu theater. You were like, I forget how you, I moved into a new neighborhood

and then you were like, I don't know, look around. And it was just like, use your fucking brain, acknowledge what's happening. There's 5,000 people in this fucking in this fucking arena i'm gonna do it a thousand times in a row and i was like that's fucking so cool just being like yes like i'm again like you're engaging in this part of my life well burt also he takes it to another like

he goes uh he goes okay when you fly private where you take a picture on the jet that's what people take people get on private jets you take a picture on the jet. That's what people take. People get on private jets, you take a fucking picture, okay? Because most people have this thing if they're like, if you're on a, like, you're like, don't fucking. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. Which I also, I mean, I'd be like, yeah, I get that, right? Because it seems like it's a little fucking much. It's because that is something that you can even be well off and you're not flying private.

You know what I mean? That's like, we're talking,.1% of people who have ever lived, so flaunting that on Instagram. He's like, I take videos and I take pictures because it's a fucking private chat. I love that your voice from Bird is the same as your kid when you're doing his voice on stage.

Ellis is like, we're doing it together. Ellis is like good I the so you started August 21

you said August 21 well August 21 is the official the tour starts I mean obviously we're doing shows

in July and June and May and they just weren't the tour it was a lot we're pushing 24 right now

yeah and I think you were on pace. I think, is it like the biggest tour ever? I don't, you know, I don't. Or most dates maybe or something? It was a lot of shows. I guess, you know, everybody would have to like show their, I mean, look, Kevin Hart sells definitely more.

I sold 700,000 tickets. I know he's done. Oh my God. He's done. It was a casual 700 drop. I know he's done – Oh, my God. He's done – It was a casual 700 drop. Well, he's done – because I heard him talk on – he was like, he did a tour, many less shows. Well, he's just fucking – Yeah, and he was – and it was like – he's like, I sold 1.2 million tickets on his tour.

So it's definitely not the biggest in terms of that. No, but I mean as far as – A lot of shows. A lot of shows. Like for years. Yeah, far as a lot of shows a lot of shows for years yeah it's a lot of shows and obviously like my buddy uh burt i don't know like he's done putting up numbers too putting up crazy numbers and also doesn't stop i mean he's doing his fully loaded tour which is a festival but then he'll go back to his tour and like you know so i think uh i think

well i know that my when my tour starts my tour starts, which is not going to start until well into 24. I know. No, it's not even. There was part of me that was like, I think Tom is thinking like, I'm in my prime. I'm at my peak. I'm going to just tour for like three straight years and then disappear. I was like, if I never saw that guy on stage again, it wouldn't surprise me. Yeah, no.

Look, it's been nice right now. I haven't been on stage in a couple weeks, which I still do a couple spots, but I haven't done it in a few weeks. And I want to do another spot, but I'm not looking to travel and do road gigs. I have gigs coming up, and I'll have them for the rest of the year. But it's sporadic it's nothing like it's like i'm doing a weekend of two shows at this place just uh yeah and i'll do that i'll do that until like probably march of next year it's still not enough time off yeah and then i'll start i'll start touring but my touring will be i've already mapped it out like with my like

yeah it's it's totally different never stops huh it's but it's totally it's like this really what i mean you know the joke was the tour is called i'm coming everywhere and and then the next tour it's like i'm coming to a lot less it's it's like but it's kind of the kevin hart effect right you'll be doing i mean i would imagine aug August the 21, you're probably doing like, I feel like you were not like Caroline's right. And now that was like,

like arenas, right? Yeah. I mean, but the Caroline's thing was like more like a deliberate thing. Like it was like, I actually think it's really good if you're doing arenas and, and like,

and those huge things to even schedule the clubs and theater. Like it's, it's good to not just do one side. those huge things to even schedule the clubs and theater. Like it's, it's good to not just do one side if you can to, to do the, all the sizes. Yeah. The next, the next tour though will be,

first of all, like I think pretty much just major markets. Yeah. I won't do as many stops. I just won't. I've always thought you guys are on all levels. The guys who are like, once you have success that you're still going to like some of these,

some of them, God bless you. Cause you have have some of them yeah some of them you go like you know what it is too is if you have a like a really great experience like i remember like the first time i did springfield missouri i got there and i was like what are we doing here you know and i called i was like why are we here you said yes i tom that's why but then i did the show and it was so good like it was so good that when we were planning this past tour i go are we doing springfield he goes do you want to yeah it's like new york miami la springfield and i go yes yeah he's like i go yeah because they were like it was such a great show. I go, I want to go back. Those are your people.

Yeah, you go, I want to go back to the place that you, if you remember how good the show was, you want to go back. That's also, I think, how you stop from becoming like, I think comedy is a dangerous game of when you get successful. Yeah. You do the same act and you can do the same places and you'll probably be rich forever, but you really do lose that edge and that connection. Yeah, yeah.

So you got to do, you have to mix it up you got to do like club spots you got you have to do what's what's the like the longest amount of time you did not that he took off during that this tour during the tour yeah like was there any time off because i also feel like at the same time two bears becomes you know the big it's like Rogan level type shit, I would imagine there was opportunities and all sorts of shit you could have been doing. The most time I didn't do stand-up was probably 10 days or

12 days. So that's not enough to go do anything else really, right? I shot a pilot on those 12 days. Did you really? I should have relaxed. I got sick and shot a pilot. What was that? What was that?

I had written this thing that I wanted to like, I was like, oh, I should pitch it and try to get a thing. And instead I just wrote the check and shot it. Yeah. That's got to be pretty sick when you can do shit like that. It was pretty cool. I mean, it was cool. It was not cool to get that sick I got fucking sick

but yeah if you like so we end we're gonna actually go make a series of it now I was gonna say you're probably at the point where that's gonna go to series yeah we're gonna go to series with it anything you do is gonna work well I don't know but like the executives or whoever you need to convince

are gonna go okay yeah they're taking a chance I guess but this is. But I mean, but like the executives or whoever you need to convince are going to go. Okay. Yeah. Like they're taking a chance, I guess. But, but this is like, yeah, I mean, I literally was like, uh,

I go to, to shoot this thing. We shot it in, in the LA area. So some of it was like in Simi Valley. Some of it was in LA. Some was in long beach. And then I have to leave the set while it's still shooting.

Cause I have a gig in, uh, Bakersfield. And when I get to the airport set while it's still shooting because I have a gig in Bakersfield. And when I get to the airport, they're like, something wrong with the plane. And I was like, and I'm like, I'm sick. And I'm like, I have two shows in Bakersfield. And I'm coming from the set and I was like, how do I get to Bakersfield? And they're like, we can take a helicopter.

And I was like, all right. So we get in the helicopter and because of like the altitude you know adjustment and i'm congested i just one of my ears just goes i just can't hear and i'm like and so i get to the venue and i'm like what's up man like i'm talking to people and they're like, why are you talking so loud? And I was like, I can't hear. I can't hear. And it was so, it was so, my hearing was so gone that I was, I lost my ability. I forgot the rhythm to pause.

So I was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And people were like, slow down. Sierra's got a coke problem. Yeah, I was like. Finish-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da it when like when something happens to one thing and you realize like you would never think like that without that your understanding of conversation or performance really is that based on here he's like i'm doing the talking everyone shut the fuck up yeah no like you need that's like the comedian's version of like i played with a fucking yeah stinger in my neck you know playing sick or playing doing like stand-up especially with like head cold stuff there's a weird thing that happens when you have stomach stuff which is awful awful, I think the worst, where your body will It knows to pause? Yeah, it pauses.

I've kind of felt that before too. And it also, you get through the head stuff, but the head stuff as soon as you get off is so much worse. Then it just kind of like the adrenaline drops. Again, the very tiny little shows we do, I get off stage and I'm like, I'm gassed.

I can't imagine doing that. Yeah, gassed. People think it's the out there. You must be energized. I just put it all out there. No, you're done. I remember thinking that. He was actually, Kim Kardashian, had a post where it was like, this is what rock star

life actually is. And it was like Kanye asleep on the couch. This is back when they were married or whatever. And I was like, get is what rock star life actually is. And it was like Kanye asleep on the couch. This is back when they were married or whatever. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. And then again, we'll do like a 300 person show. And I'm like, no one talked to me for 24 hours. Was it a steady enough rise for you? Or did you jump quick to a big theater?

No, I had the best rise. I had the way you want to do it. Slow and steady clubs to adding shows in a club to rock club to small theater to mid-sized theater to large theater and then did like i did a i don't know a dozen arenas a few amphitheater so but i mean everything i just described is uh 10 years yeah 10 years of selling tickets right and it was literally every tour was a bump you know like the bump to the next one which is perfect it's the way to do it i can't even imagine some of the guys now when you go rocket speed like you how do you know you don't you don't i mean you're going from like i was i'm like begging to get up on stage

to like I can do an arena how the fuck could you do that you don't want to do that yeah you don't and honestly

even if you're but you can't say no right well you can you can if you're like I think you know

the check you go like wait a minute but you're much better off here's the thing you don't realize it's a real you

it's an adaption you have to do yeah to go i mean there's like you know there's guys that go high school to nba yeah right right but like that one year in college helps right and but i would be so afraid just like you know you probably can rest assured like i will still get to arenas if people like me but i don't know yes because here's the thing you don't plan we remember we were talking about arenas. Bert and I were like 10 years ago. And then I go, yeah, but there's no path.

You don't go, let's follow this path to arenas. What you do is you just do what you do. And then, yeah, you just kind of deal with whatever the benefits of that, the upside of that. So doing stand-up, you just kind of go, okay, here's my stand-up, right? And then the response is the response. But the first time you do a theater, it's definitely a change than a club.

And honestly, a big theater is almost, it's like a half arena. Like a 5,000-seater, that's basically half an arena. That's way different than a 1,500-seater. I mean, way different. And then you get to arenas, and it's like, yeah, it's a whole different thing. I would have thought, like, a show's a show, whatever. And I saw a show at the Beacon fairly recently that had some comics on it who were typically club guys and had some comics on it who were typically theater guys.

And it was, for the first time ever to me, like so jarringly different. It was like, oh, like so-and-so is talking to the – not talking to the balcony but projecting to the balcony and looking up here and engaging. You see it. Whereas everyone else is kind of like just working the front row. They're at a club. And I was like – it was like, oh, this is pretty clear who regularly does theaters and who a thousand when i did the first time i did um do you remember the oddball no oddball festival was i think live nations like comedy festival it was massive uh for a run i think they stopped doing it it's like kind of

like what bert's kind of doing now yeah is what oddball was right and they did amphitheaters like big fucking amphitheaters and they would have a bunch of comics and then like your headlining comics like you know so one year it was uh louis one year it was schumer when you like one year it was uh sebastian like so i always had like a big but like all the comics on it were like pretty pretty known you know so it's like 2015 or 16 i'm doing it like a dozen 15 of them or something like a bunch of them and there's comics that come and go so i'm like i'm doing enough shows where i kind of am like i'm on a lot of the shows and I'm seeing people come to do a couple and then leave and another person comes. And it was, it became a thing.

Like I did my, when I did my first one, Jeff Ross, I was like, yeah, what's this going to be like? He's like, well, he's like, take your time. Like, slow down. And I don't even remember if he's the one that told me, but I learned that, like, you stick to, like, do your material. Right? Because, like, you go to, like, a club, it's like, what's up, man? Talk this shit. And if you have that kind of energy. But I'd see people show up.

Yeah, I'd try to do that. And they'd try to be, like, loose. Like, da-da-da. And you would see them floundering. I mean, sweat. Well, if you're 5,000 people away, you're in the top row. 20,000. Yeah, right.

20,000 people at some of these shows. I don't give a fuck about the guy. And some of them, you could see them come off, and they're like, right? And you're like, and you go like, yeah, yeah, but you're doing your cellar set. Yeah, that's not. You're kind of like working. You're not working this room. Right.

You go out there and just perform your 20 best minutes. Like actually put on a show. Like do the show. And as soon as people would do that, some people would show up and they just knew. They just do that, murder.

They would murder because the crowd wants to have a good time. But the people who were just kind of like try to like, oh, this is not a big deal. This is not different. There's a little off-the-cuff thing

over here. It just wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. So you really think if you went viral on the internet and went from like a club to the uh you know the the demand was like arena level would you you think you would say no well it's such a like it's a you know it's a hypothetical where you go i want like i want to but i always i mean but I always did like, I still think I have calculated risk

stuff in me. I think I would also work with people who would be like, let's get you some theaters in there before you do those. I guess you don't have to say no. You don't have to do one or the other entirely. Honestly, the way that that would work for me

is they'd be like, do you have these arena offers? I'd be like, hey, you have these arena offers? And I'd be like, great. Say yes 12 months from now. Put them then. And let me work this. Do you know Matt Rife? Yeah.

I mean, he was doing normal shit. And then he sells out a theater like 13 times. Yeah, we had this conversation. Him and I talked about this. And he was smart. He had the awareness to do what we're talking about, which is they were like, do the arenas. And he was like, let me do a bunch of theaters.

And it's very smart. I mean, that's absolutely brilliant of him to intuitively go this is a big change from the club to this theater let me do them before there's 15,000 people because then you really can't put that toothpaste back in the tube

you can't that mid that size between club and arena is going to get him first of all it's going to be a club and arena is going to get him, first of all, it's going to be a change, and he's going to get used to it. And that's where the set will get so tight for large audiences. And then once it's tight and you put it in the arena, you're golden.

But if you just leap to that, it is, you know, yeah, it can go sideways for sure. Or it can be like, you know what, like not like the, I don't think somebody like proficient would necessarily bomb, but you're just going to be like, that was kind of... Yeah, not memorable. Yeah. You're not going to keep the momentum or whatever. Right, and you want to go into the arenas with a tight set.

Right. Tight. Thanks to the airline cancellations, I am stuck in the midwest and let me tell you what my body is begging for a vegetable my body is begging for a home-cooked meal it's crazy here yeah i got i got seasonal vegetables as a side the other day it was all maple glazed i am yearning to get home to my HelloFresh. HelloFresh will be sitting at my door. I get it delivered Monday afternoons, Monday evenings sometimes.

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And then on the other side of their careers, there's the podcast. Yeah. Did you – what do you think is like your career right now? Podcasting or probably stand-up, right? But at the same time, you have like the most successful podcast in the other podcasts they feed each other so much yeah they feed each other so much i mean well i say like don't don't get like don't think that the podcasting stuff is like over there yeah just you know we prioritize it yeah so like i've been having the weeks, but, you know, we were in the studio banking. You guys hang out a bunch, right?

Yeah. And, like, it's better for the show, I think, to be doing it weekly. Yeah. But when you have to bank, you do it. And we don't, like, go, like, whatever. I don't care. Like, we take it like this is the job. Yeah.

But it definitely, look, it is responsible for a lot of stuff happening. Yeah. I mean, people, we love doing it. People seem to love the shows. And I think it's a huge reason why a lot of those markets are huge successes for us. I also love, like in the new special, there's the nod to Garth Brooks, which is like something born of the internet. Totally born of the internet. Totally born of the internet, yeah. The crowd goes wild.

It's like you know that all those people also listen to you weekly, and it's not just like a nod out. The best is like there was a clip of it the other day on social media. I think it was like on the Netflix account. They posted it, and then I look at the comments, and people are like, did Garth Brooks kill somebody? They're like, what is this? You know what? That's your version of that guy dunking. There are still people who go, wait, what?

You finally caught the block, right? I caught the block. Good on him for as long as it lasted. He let that shit slide for a while. It's too late now. We're talking about two pigs back in a tube. I don't think

there ever could have been a time where he could have stopped it because like blocking it, that's just fueling the fire. Yeah. And then now it's just like, well,

if he, if he just reached out to you and was like, what the fuck's going on? Can I come on your show? Whatever. 100%. You would have done it

and it would have been done. And it would have been awesome, an awesome moment for both of you. And, and it still would be the best. Yeah still could i mean like these these old school guys who have like probably old school media teams and shit like the fastest way to end that would have just been like a tweet yeah like hey love your shit like anything you murdered at the club you're like haha and they would have gone crazy for it. That happened with – It's too fun.

That happened on a show here on PMT with – I don't know if they were inspired by Garth Brooks or – Garth Brooks is just kind of whatever they call it, like cyclical thinking or whatever it is. But they had Rob Schneider on the show, and they were like, it's pretty crazy that every year you have a movie drop, like a terrorist attack happens, you can just do like like every year there's a terrorist attack you can do that with any fucking movie and he was i think i think it caught i don't know if we've ever mentioned

that it happened like he was not like i'm not happy really yeah he's not into that bit so wait the bit was they go you know what's crazy every year every year that a movie of yours comes out there's a terrorist attack i think it was a terrorist attack maybe it was a natural disaster something it was probably a couple that i think like big ones it was like 9-11 one year because i had a movie in 2001 and then there was the tsunami and then you can make it fit from there yeah but it might not let's say it might it might have been that what show was it on i think it was on part of my take I know it was on part of my take and he's in the room uh no

that was I think it was a zoom that was a zoom corona days but it was like what the fuck was that he was like

cut that don't bring up that shit he's like did you do it like are you responsible for natural disasters it's funny

I think a big part of that though is probably there's just something about that's why I fucking hate Zoom podcasts yeah

like if you're in the room together you're in the room it's so different it's so different like yeah there's Zoom shit where like I don't know

I did a few I mean I keep I don't like doing them no and then especially sometimes they'll they'll pitch like a big guest

and I'm like they're coming in they're like no no no Zoom I'm like no no no we try to keep it like, no, no, no, Zoom. I'm like, no, no, no. We try to keep it extremely... We did our first one. It's something we would never get. We did Russell Crowe the other day.

He's not going to come from Australia. He's not going to. I had Dion. Zoom, I'm like, yeah. Who's somebody right now you would Zoom? I feel like your thing is sports and rap, right? Yeah, I guess, yeah.

Probably like a list. I mean, otherwise, I'd just be like, no, I don't want to do it. I mean, you're not turning down like a Jay-Z Zoom, right? No. Of course not. Everybody, yeah. I mean, we did Jimmy Trena the other day. Trena?

No. No. Jimmy Tetro. Tetro. Because he's promoting the machine. Yeah. And so we're like, all'll do we'll promote the machine and that was our first

Zoom in a while and we'd never met Jimmy before and it was just like it was nothing against him nothing against us it was just like

everyone stepped on toes if we were in the room it doesn't it just doesn't translate as well it just really doesn't you gotta be in the room who would be your

number one period for in the room like dream guest because Two Bears doesn't really do guests right no we we do guest bears i mean like if you get bert's ass out of there for a day and have a guest i mean i always say like it's not uh i always say like mj would be like the you know i mean because here's the thing it's like those guys with the promise that they would like open. Because I feel like a lot of them. I think there's this thing about interviewing or podcasting with super famous people.

Is that if you're genuinely interested in them. Like if you're genuinely interested in this dude for whatever his field is. It usually comes through. And if they're kind of. Like they realize it. Then you have a good podcast you know if you're just like I just want this famous guy

and you don't know anything about it it's totally different that's a good point I've definitely said yes to people who I wasn't genuinely interested in but it's a big name to get on the show

and then I was like what the fuck am I going to talk to this guy what am I going to talk to this guy that's different you know like when I got Tarantino they were like you know people were like oh was that intimidating

I was like no because like I love his movies so it's were like, you know, people were like, oh, was that intimidating? I was like, no, because, like, I love his movies. It's genuine, so it's going to be real. So I just had, like, it was easy. I could have done it for another couple hours. They've done enough Today Show interviews where it's just like, we're here. We're here. I just did Good Morning America. Did you really?

That's fucking funny. Yeah. It's just, i was just saying that like i'm just so used to this yeah that it's it's really like that look they're so nice who is it these days i don't fucking know i don't know they're so nice and they're so welcoming it's not nothing to do with that i'm just so used to long form conversation. That it actually feels like it's so you know, it's jarring to me.

Because you do the pre-produced segment and when you get out there, they're going to ask you this. And then it starts and as you answer, they're like, another thing, and you're like, oh, I thought we were going to... We do a show here that I'll guest on sometimes and they always get mad at me because they'll be like, every time you're on the show, I thought we were going to... We do a show here that I'll guest on sometimes

and they always get mad at me because they'll be like, every time you're on the show, we go for two hours. But we're trying to entertain people. I got thoughts. You want me to just give you my answer in a bracket? I don't know. That's not fun. That's not entertaining to me. That's that format, though. That's that format. You can tell they're not even listening.

And they're also... They're actually just good people. They're so wholesome you know oh that's the other thing is like yeah um you know we're we're just warped in the brain yeah it's just like i can't yeah the guy goes uh you must have missed your kids on this tour and i go i abandoned them he was like oh what oh tell me about that he was like, Oh, what? Tell me about that. He was like, let's move this. Oh,

good morning. I also said, he was like, Brad Pitt came to your show. And I was like, yeah. And I go, and I go,

he said, uh, funny guys get a kiss. And he gave me a kiss. And he was like, we'll be right back. Like funny guys get a kiss. Funny guys get a kiss and he was like we'll be right back like funny guys get a kiss funny guys get a kiss if that's not the name of the next tour i don't know

leave the special that or something funny guys wow all right i know you've got another uh interview to do so we're gonna just do answer the internet quick yeah whatever on your way by the way congrats on i saw your post today uh upsetting the wit the witcher watcher was watching which i don't know what's called that dude was upset wait what happened yeah that writer is sassy like i guess the number one show you know it changes oh on that okay yeah yeah is uh the was it the witch it's the henryill show. The Witcher. The Witcher. Video game. So it was number one, and then Sledgehammer is number one, so it's number two. And this dude wrote an article.

He's like, apparently this comedian has five specials, and I guess he – It's so salty. He's like, I guess his popularity is rising. And this is like a Forbes. Forbes. I was like, I posted it.

This guy's like so pissed about it. Apparently he has five other, almost like, why are they watching this one? It's a new one. What are you talking about? But also apparently is like, if you can't figure it like you I've heard that that happens a lot more often it happened to me recently when there's like you just you see it in text form where people like go

out of their way to be like insulting in text form yeah you didn't have to have apparently you didn't have to say a power leak. You didn't have to say, just fucking, you know what the answer is. You know what the answer is. He's basically like, I am flabbergasted. The funniest thing about this world, you're beyond that.

That's a little crazy, but we get it a lot where people are like, I've never even heard of these guys, but we're at a bar, and they're swarming us. People are talking to you. and they just can't even comprehend that there's something outside of their world and it's like yeah man i don't know world's a big place it's a lot of fucking people the internet makes you realize that though yeah there's something for everybody another version of that always like blows me away is like you're just kind of i don't know scrolling and you see like

some account with like youtube with 19 million followers. You're like, who the fuck is this guy? 50 million subscribers. They're like 12 years old. We talked about that, how it used to be famous and not famous. They were just two classes of people. That was it. Internet famous.

And now it's like I saw- Oh, you don't know Shasha on the Destroyer? No, this guy is fucking bad. And to someone else, it's like, I saw... Oh, you don't know Shasha on the Destroyer? No, this guy is fucking bad on the fucking thing. And to someone else, that's like their world. That was like, I saw a New York Times article

the other day, like Ms. Rachel. And I was like, who the fuck is Ms. Rachel? And Ms. Rachel has like $700 million and like 26 million followers. She's a baker.

You know, she does those baking things. Is that who she is? No, no. That's how it is. You're just like, this is a fucking, who is this?

But it reminds me of an article I read in Esquire featuring your boy Brad Pitt and it was like it was like asking him like how many people

are there like him and he had like such a cool answer that I won't do justice to but he was basically like there's seven of me and he's like he's like we're gazelles

we're like on the plane and people are just watching us and like that there were seven famous people. Yeah. And they were crazy famous. And that was it.

It was like Clooney, DiCaprio, Bradley. But that is so accurate. Those guys are – it is like this thing that's so different. There's everybody and then there's those guys. Yeah, right. That's a whole other thing. Like disguises and body doubles. That was the thing.

When he came to my show, it was like people were – it was L.A. It was February of 22, right? Yeah. So I think that's right. So there's like – people are still – I guess it's not mandated. People are still doing masks. They love that, right? He was like – dude, he had a bucket hat.

So his hair is in his bucket hat. And he had an oversized mask he was like I go how can you go in here because I love this it was like this so the hat's here

there's no hair out the back all you see is this and you're like oh you're like I don't know who that is I'd seen I'd seen other celebrities

during the pandemic in LA but just with like your standard mask and it's funny how you know immediately immediately you just go oh that's Ben Affleck like you just know but with his I was like yeah you just with like your standard mask and it's funny how you know immediately yeah you can still tell immediately you just go oh that's that affleck like you just know all right but with his i was like yeah you just look like a fucking weird guy in a bucket hat yeah uh all right last

question before you go um it sounds like at least we discussed the amsterdam trip that we did with bert becoming a uh annual thing no shit shit. Wait, always to Amsterdam? I think that was the move. I think that was the idea. You going to join us? When are you going? I think it's Chinese New Year. It does have to be Chinese New Year. That's when we did it. January?

We all had a pretty good year after that. Was it mid-January? February? February? Yeah, it was right before the Super Bowl. So last week of January. Yeah. Right, the week before? Maybe a week, maybe a week and a half before, something like that. How many days did you go for?

48 hours. It was quick. I would do a 48-hour trip. But that made it, it was like, you know, go, go, go, go. I would do a 48-hour trip. You're in? Yeah, I'm in. Let's go!

All right. We're holding you to that. This is the one thing where you can say something on a podcast and I think it actually sticks. This answer thing. But don't book it like two weeks. Give me a big heads up on it. You've got to talk to your boy on that one. Yeah, okay.

His whole thing is, well, no. I guess if it's Chinese New Year, we'll know. So yeah, we'll book it for Chinese New Year, and we'll do it plenty ahead of time. All right. We'll do it nice and fancy and all that shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You see this theater? Look around. We're not staying at a fucking hostel. I mean, Bert put us up at, we were in like a castle. Bro, I didn't tell you.

I went back recently. I went back with my mom. I had so much fun and I was like, it's actually also really beautiful. I'd like to go back. I was like,

let's go back. So I went back for Memorial Day with my mom and my brother. They were fucking strippers with dildos. No. We went to back. I was like, let's go back. So I went back for Memorial Day with my mom and my brother. They were fucking strippers with dildos. No. We went to museums. I didn't see the sunset because the sun's up so long in Amsterdam.

I was there for five, six days. Didn't see dark because it was getting dark at like 11 p.m. I was at my hotel. When I did Alaska, it was so crazy. We got in at afternoon. You're like, all right. And then we go do the show. We go to the show.

I think we have two. So we go to the show at eight. I mean, it's just, it's high noon, right? That's so weird. And then we get back, like, to the hotel a little after midnight.

Sun's out. Sun's out. What is that? Is that a circle in the sky, basically? It just kind of goes, it starts, you know how, like, evening comes,

and you're like, oh, the sun's going down, but it's still out? It like evening comes and you're like, oh, the sun's going down, but it's still out? It's just like, so you go, oh, the sun's going down and then it just

goes right back out. Yeah. I mean, when you draw the curtain, like I draw the curtain like one o'clock in the morning to close them,

when they're open, just light coming in. You gotta go get the hanger. So strange. You get the hanger, clip it closed. Stapler. Glue that shit.

All right, man. Thanks so much. Everyone go watch Sledgehammer. Please. Watch Two Bears on the Cave. Dude, I remember the first time we were talking about this. The first time I saw,

I've seen Sledgehammer. I've been lucky enough to see it. I think I saw it three times live. Oh, shit. Or at least pieces of it because I saw you at the 9-11. It was cool to watch it. Oh, that's right.

I saw you at Caroline. I saw you at the 9-11 thing. It got so high. It came all together. Yeah. But the bit with your shower room with your kid is still one of my all-time favorites. Oh, thanks. Thanks.

Awesome. That is so good. And then your mom, too. It's funny that the two things that really jump out at me is your son and your mom. Where it's like no one can rip those jokes off. No, yeah. That's just you and your family. So great stuff, man. Congrats.

Thank you, guys. I always have fun seeing you guys. So thank you for having me. Thank you very much, Tom. We're always lucky to have you. We'll do a quick answer. Yeah, let's do it. All right.

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