KFC Radio - Tommy Pope and Josh Wolf on Danny Devito's Best Moments - Full Episode

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Josh Wolf Interview (solo) 02:06 Doing a show with Joey Diaz and Louis CK the night before 08:55 Telling signature stories on stage 22:37 Greenrooms and Writers Rooms are equivalent of Locker Rooms 30:51 The Jets 41:55 Kids playing sports 54:11 Dennis the Torah Teacher who picked his chest hair 57:14 Living in Vegas 01:01:14 Tommy Pope Joins 01:09:35 What Tommy would be like as a field trip chaperone 01:13:11 Tommy was gonna be an engineer 01:20:45 Josh dated a stripper in college 01:22:37 Pool, Darts, and Chickens*** Bingo 01:27:09 Josh has been sober for the past 2 months 01:34:12 Danny DeVito stories 01:38:03 Did Mike Tyson throw the Jake Paul Fight? 01:47:04 Stuff Island 01:54:53 Will watching over your set and/or podcast make you a better comic? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Presented by Jackpocket: New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Draft Kings: Grab some TDs with DraftKings Sportsbook – they’re on sale from Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday! Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code KFC to opt in. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT. Must opt-in to each offer. BOGO: 1 BOGO Token per customer. Place NFL TD bet and get 1 Bonus Bet based on amount of initial bet. Max. reward varies. Ends 12/2/24 at the end of the last NFL game. BOOST: 1 Profit Boost Token issued per customer valid only for Thanksgiving Day NFL TD parlay bets. Min. 3 legs w/ odds of -500 or longer per leg. Max. bet limits apply. Boost expires at the start of the final NFL game on 11/28/24 and only applies to winnings. Tokens must be applied BEFORE placing bet. Bonus Bets and Tokens are single-use, non-withdrawable, and have no cash value. Bonus Bet expires 12/9/24 at 11:59PM ET. Stake removed from payout. Terms: sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Sponsored by DK. Tommy John: Go to https://tommyjohn.com/KFC for 40% off sitewide Aura Frames: Exclusive $45-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Use code KFC at checkout to save! Express: Find all you need this holiday season at https://www.express.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. If I give the bus driver a hundred bucks, I'd say, take a left here, we're going to a park, and I'd just ground balls. Just ground balls. And rocket them at him, right? Swing! You thought this was a field trip? Swing!

Swing! We're on a field! It's a field. KFC Radio is sponsored by Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. Doing it all myself. I even got the Mets hat. I'll go full Kevin.

Jackpocket, you know what it is. It is the number one lottery app on your phone. I got to take the glasses off. Yeah, I'm going through everything Kevin has to go through. It's on your phone. It makes it very simple, very easy to get lottery tickets instead of rushing out of the house when you hear they have a big number like my parents always did. You can just get it right on your phone. here on jackpot let's see mega millions 489

million dollars we will get that today play now uh quick picks place order confirm confirm done that was how quick I just almost won we'll see 540 million dollars they have all kinds of games they have Powerball, they have Mega Millions anything on the other official state lottery games it's all right on the app new customers, if you use code KFC

you'll get your first ticket for free free chance at 550 million dollars, 490 million dollars whatever one I just picked in KFC, you will get your first ticket for free. Free chance at $550 million, $490 million, whatever one I just picked in. They've given out $540 million in prizes. That's already been paid out. Currently, it is $490 million. Again, new customers, use code KFC.

Get your first ticket for free. It is a free chance at a new life. That's what we're dealing with here, folks. Download Jackpocket today. Use code KFC. Jackpocket, America's number one lottery app and official partner of Barstool Sports. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.

New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older, 19 plus in Nebraska, 21 plus in Arizona, void where prohibited, promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit, prize amount may differ at time of drawings terms. Jack pocket.com slash TOS slash free dash ticket dash promo slash.

Let me do my Joey and Louie out at a fucking Wednesday night. Hundred seat place in New Jersey. When was this last night? Oh shit. I know we were like storytelling. A hundred seat place. So those people in the front, everybody paid 25 bucks to get in. Yeah.

Got the show of a lifetime. Yeah. Everybody was this close to those two fucking monsters. Three fucking monsters. Well, dude, it's not even like it. And that's what last night I figured out. Look, man, there's a bunch of us who are in this group and some people are going to think this person's funnier and some people don't. It just depends on the group. And some people are going to think this person's funnier.

And some people don't. It just depends on the style. And some people are going to like this show more and this show more. But we're all in the same bubble. Right? Joey's out here. You know where he is? To me, he's Patrice O'Neill.

He's old Cat Williams. That type of laughter. Yeah, I believe that. I'm not actually surprised by that. I mean, I think he is so singularly unique. And when he gets angry in the veins. Cock, sucka. Yeah, dude.

When the veins start to. When you have a story, like, dude can tell a story about kidnapping people and it's funny. Hilarious. It's like like this is objectively horrible but like not yeah this is horrible he went to jail for it but he's like that's the thing too like he knows it and he's like a reformed or whatever you want to call it like but but he didn't lose his edge or his humor it's like i'm a good person but he's actually the definition of all this all this bullshit that's gone on for the last like 15 years 10 years is like i'm not a bad person you know

what i mean i always refer to him as a moral criminal he really does he has a code it's like it's like dexter being a fucking serial killer you know it's like oh but he does it for real he would so for real why and this is why i've been calling him a moral criminal forever he would take so when i was single and raising the three kids and I had zero money. Literally used to put them on leashes. If I had $40 or $20 on the counter, he would take it. But then he would be like, hey, let me treat you to lunch. I want the money back.

I'd be like, are you? He'd be like, you get it next time. I'm like, I think I got it this time too I think I got it both times technically but but like

I would wait by the way was that like a a pop in or that was the schedule schedule wow

fuck so there's a place that's called the dojo comedy in this whatever they told me the namejo of Comedy in this whatever. They told me the name of the town in Jersey 30 times. I'm like, I'm never going to remember. I've never heard of it.

Dojo of Comedy in Jersey. 100 seats. And he goes there once a month. Louie did 45 last night and I think did an hour of his new stuff. No way. And by the way, Louie's. And I was. I didn't know he was out there like that.

Dude. And I was. Look, I'm a bit of a I love comedy. I fucking love it. I love watching other people. I didn't watch Louis for a long time because I know that we both talked about kids and our kids. And I never wanted to be like, oh, I can't talk about that now because Louis. Yeah. First or whatever.

Yeah. Because we all have different takes on. Right. So I watched him last night and he had his notebook out and he was writing a set list with his hand and i was like i'm so glad to see that other people still do that like that's how i remember things too and i am so much funnier for stand-up when i write with my hand if i'm writing yeah it's the same writing yeah if I'm writing like when I wrote my book it was all tight because I I type different than more I write more colloquially yeah my hand and when I'm on a computer you make it like

it's more like a book yeah I got that Google word thesaurus going a lot. Yeah. Another tab. Another tab. I don't have that here. I'm like, I'm just going to say stupid because that's the word I know. Yeah. Right?

But I also like when I go to shows, obviously, and I know the difference between being in a club versus touring your hour. I like watching them work. Watching a comedian go back to his book and i'd rather i'd rather a workout night than like so yeah but clean night but you guys are are are in the minority i would tell you really i have because when i bring my stuff on stage i will hear people like get comments you had to bring a notebook aren't you professional those are the people who are like i paid money and i deserve to see like a perfect show whatever it's like it's like i i makes me laugh when somebody's like i heard this heard this story on the podcast i'm like yeah

motherfucker that's sometimes when i think of jokes or yeah also it's that's a writing session that we're putting out yes right right we were actually just talking about because he's starting to do some uh stand up with the sketch uh they have a sketch show and they're doing a tour and they're doing some stand-up. And like there are times on the podcast I hear him just off the top say something. Yeah. And like that would be funnyed off into the abyss. Literally when we finish the podcast, they'll be like, you know, what clips do you want or what did you talk about? I don't know.

I don't remember. You almost forget what you said. A minute ago. Let alone what we were saying in the beginning where like we didn't even – like I just wish I had the foresight to like write all those down or remember all those because those are the equivalent for us of like an open mic night. But you guys were like, I'm going to do this open mic thing and keep track of it and know it and – where we were just like write a million blogs or blast off a million podcasts. And it's like that was all funny shit but we just it's gone i've said this before but it's like the standard that people hold comedians to is so different than almost every other art form you don't go to a journey concert and be like heard don't stop believing what else you got right right as a matter of fact if you don't hear don't stop believing yeah but if you hear a snippet like somebody you know rogan's last special a lot of fact if you don't hear don't stop believing yeah but if you hear a snippet

like somebody you know rogan's last special a lot of people were getting on him because he that's a joke he told on a podcast that's a joke four years ago he right well there was covid and nobody put out any material and he still had a joke he wanted to use and what the stories and shit that like you know you'll be like yo tell him that story about that time and it's like i've told the story a hundred times and i'm gonna tell it again and people are gonna enjoy it i just started figuring this out so maybe my most viewed listened to requested stories a story about me throw pulling a prank on my buddy i throw a bachelor party and instead of a stripper i hire a big woman to come beat him up yeah it's a good one yeah it's my right but for a

long time you know people were like after the shows they were like oh i wish you had told that story yeah and i was like well i don't tell that anymore and then i i went to see burt i was gonna say i mean they want that dude it was almost part of it like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yes. You can repeat it with him. They wanted it so, and I was like, who the fuck am I? They're paying the ticket. Yep. I know, you know, I don't want to go so far like, I'm an artist. I don't repeat.

Yeah. Also, fuck me. Like, these are the people that are coming to my show. They are my fans. I'm going to do, when I come back to cities, i do 45 to 50 minutes of new material every year regardless but you want to stick around to the end and listen to that story yeah yeah it's like you had a concert that's the best time to tell a story when someone else sets you up as like dude you gotta tell the story

if you went to see bon jovi and he was like I'm not playing living on a prayer I'd be like fuck you you're not I'm not here for your new stuff I would want it to be like you can put the mic out

and they will sing the song they will say the joke with you how flattering is that but by the way I get and I get it why people are like I want to do my old stuff

I get it I get it I get it but if you put it at the end. You have to have really good old stuff. You know what I mean? If you're repeating just like blah, but when you have a heavy hitter, big beautiful woman beating up on your buddy, like, you know,

then you tell it again. But if you went to see Dice, would you like to hear a couple nursery rhymes? Of course. Yeah. I mean, that's like, that's what. Wouldn't you want to hear? And you know the punchline that's coming, and it doesn't matter. Well, you know what, though?

As you say this, I'm just thinking, we were just having this discussion the other day about when the Red Sox play Sweet Caroline when they're down like 11-0. But it's like, he was saying, you know, some dude spent like his paycheck to get here, and they want to fucking sing Sweet Caroline. The kids are there. The kids are there. It's like, it doesn't matter. They don't even know what the score is.

And I never thought about that until I started having kids and shit. It was like, you just want the whole experience whether they win or lose and as like a business and an entity they got to do all that but when you're the diehard fan which is probably the the equivalent of like a comedy nerd who like watches all the specials and knows all your material you're like turn this off you know whatever and it's like yeah but you're the you're the dork you're the you're the annoying asshole you know it's true like there's got to be a, yeah, but you're the dork. You're the annoying asshole, you know? It's true.

Like, there's got to be a blend. I like the way Bargatze did it on the Tennessee Kid, where he had, like, the three updates, where it was, what was it? Ice coffee, no milk. Ice coffee with milk. It was the, not zooarium, but whatever. He had, like, three little updates, little updates but he like retold the

story to set it up for the new updates and i was like oh that's kind of a perfect world of having but you can't force an update on your old story that's what bert did when i saw him last and i didn't watch bert for a while either i tried not to watch anybody that had kids and told kids stories because I was like, I don't want to. I don't want to. Anyone would say parents have the same. That's what I'm saying. But I don't want it to be like, oh, I can't tell that story. It would turn you off.

I want to still feel like, oh, this was it. Because did I think of it on my own or did I think of it because. Right. Right. Yeah. OK. And so I watched Bert and I've heard the machine story and, but he, what he would do is he would, he would depart from the story and, and do a little offshoot and tell a new

joke in the story and come back to it. Right. It's like, this is the right way to do it. Sure. But people want to, they want it. And like like I think So I've started doing that On my late shows

Yeah Which is just a late show If you want to stick around And hear the story at the end I'm going to tell it So you like end the show Basically and then you're like I'm going to stick around

And do a couple more You guys can leave if you want This is the end of the new material Yeah yeah yeah But if you want to hear If you want to hear This story You let them know

If you came for this story I'm going to give it to you Yeah yeah I'm going to give it to you yeah yeah I'm gonna give it to you I'll be your dancing monkey baby yeah I'll fucking dance for sure

but yo there are just no rules there are no rules anymore I don't think I mean I feel like you guys like in comedy you almost do still follow like a rule

rules and a code but like if you didn't want to it's like when I when I hear about like someone who's like a non-comic who is now like working in clubs and shit and people are mad about or whatever it's like if i if i can rent that space or i can fill those seats like shut the fuck up i'm gonna tell it this way i'm

gonna do this amount of time or that amount of time or i'm gonna use a fucking screen or you know music whatever man my job and this has been a revelation in the last five years for me you know because i used to care so much about what other comics if they like if they were going to come into the room and watch my set you know my job is to entertain the people who bought the tickets to the show yeah and and then also to be authentic to who i am and so i lend myself i i like to have fun i like the people in front of me to have fun I'm gonna make people uncomfortable sometimes but in a different way than say Hinchcliffe makes people uncomfortable right and that one is not Puerto Ricans yeah one is not better or worse right but

who who are you standing in front yeah and so I know who's coming to see me also I mean I think about I guess that's why sometimes someone like Attell gets like so much respect because it's like he's a comics comic he makes the comics laugh but I know for myself like I know there are tremendously talented and funny people here I barely watch or consume any of their content because it's like

you're my co-worker and like you said I don't want to repeat there's a million reasons why someone who's contemporary or a competitor or a co-worker or whatever might not laugh at your shit or want to consume your shit as opposed to the people who you're actually going after yeah it's like you know if i was trying to make dave portnoy laugh i you know i'd be out of business but you know the people like me are you playing to the back of the room right right because if you're playing to the back of the room? Right, right. Because if you're playing to the back of the room, that's not a recipe for success.

Look, dude, I will do an hour of stand-up. And I, look, outside of, say, I'm a storyteller. And outside of, I would say, Joey Diaz, Ron White. I'm not going to say I'm better than everybody. I'm also not going to say anyone's better than me. We're all in the same. It just depends on what style you like. I put those two dudes in a separate.

The way Ron does it is so unique and so slow. The voice and everything. It's like, and Joey is Joey. When we went to Austin for Bert and Tom's Poroso debut, and Ron White came, and that was our first time ever, my first time ever being in the room with Ron White. He didn't tell jokes or anything, but it was like, you could tell every other comic looked at him differently.

As soon as he starts talking, and when he's on stage, it's Southern Cosby pre-rape probably during rape but there's no pre-rape right it's all kind of continuous rape pre-rape with Cosby's just getting cocktails that was his first album Bill Cosby pre-rape

first album he raped for so long dude that's actually one of my favorite bits ever The Chappelle bit about that When he first came back Chappelle had a I want to say maybe 12 minutes 15 minutes

He's giving a history lesson He started in the civil rights movement Or whatever it was Through contemporary history And you're just giving Chappelle the benefit of the doubt Because he's giving a history lesson yeah whatever and he's like and that whole time bill cosby was raping people and i was like oh my god the payoff was incredible decades of rape what's crazy about him to me is that we will give him five minutes of

silence when i mean silence of him talking without jokes. Right. Because we all know. You know something's coming. That we don't see coming. You didn't see that. I was almost interested. I was like, wow, I'm learning about the Black Panthers and all this shit. Amazing. You're like, that whole thing was one setup for a Bill Cosby joke?

Yeah. And you know how much confidence you have to have in your one punchline that it's gonna work yeah you're giving because then you just wasted like you know a quarter of your show fucking crazy dude anyway what were you saying you're saying uh somebody's is cosby i totally interrupted you there wrong way wrong way right right right oh yeah dude like so but i don't even remember what i was talking about but those guys dude like as far as storytelling goes there's so many of us who are doing it now right right and but that's

like it's you know your story like the best part about that is there is there's not going to be I guess maybe with kids I understand your point but for the most part there's no stealing jokes there's no parallel thinking there's like this is what fucking happened to me it's why I started steering away from jokes and topical stuff.

Because somebody else somewhere is writing that joke. Unless you're Mitch Hedberg and your joke is so far off the wall. That nobody could even conceive it. No, dude. But how many people have told the, you want to build a wall to Mexico? Who do you think is building the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, dude, but how many people have told the, you want you want to build a wall to Mexico, who do you think is building the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right, right. It's been done. Right?

Yeah. But everybody thinks of it as like, well, I thought of that. Right. And they did. Yeah. They did, but it's not too far to go for that joke, right? It's like Twitter now, if you don't like not even now, because I don't use it like I used to, but like Twitter had a period where it was like if i am not up on it at all times if i'm not checking it every second like if i'm five minutes later i'm late like someone has made the joke the joke

happened okay i'll give you a good example one of the last joke jokes i told it was a joke basically it was um you know my wife and i were talking about who are you know you're what do you call it when you you're like you're hall pass yeah and um i was like who's your hall pass and she said brad pitt and i was like that's a great choice and she said who's yours i said janet who lives next door i can fuck mine i got a shot let's be realistic right that's great and i gotta i gotta somebody sent out you know patrice told nice to you stealing a patrice joke i'm like I can fuck mine. I got a shot. Let's be realistic. Right. And I got a, I got a, somebody sent out,

you know, Patrice told nice to you stealing a Patrice joke. I'm like, I never heard it. Somebody else said, Larry, the cable guy told that joke. I'm like,

this is what guys think about. Like these are jokes that dudes come up with, which is why I never watched Bert or Louie. Right. Because I never wanted even a seed in my head did I think of that right or was that already in my head and that's how that joke came out yeah sure so for me it was not ever worth it and going back and listening to old Louie CK is like fucking amazing I'm like have you heard of this guy he's fucking great holy shit dude I remember being on like a road trip

with my dad once it must have been a hockey road trip and I was listening to I'm so bad with the names of comedy albums

but he has the bit about like arguing with his kids about like how they have to eat he's like you have to eat the government knows

I have you like if I die like he has like he's like that's a great one he's like you have to eat the government knows i have you like if i die like he's like i have your papers like if you don't like i'm they're gonna find out it's like i'm gonna get in trouble not that my kids are gonna be fucking malnourished and dead i'm gonna get in trouble and dude we were in absolute i I've never seen my dad laugh like that. We were in fucking tears. But then he gets to a bit where he's like... Then he Louies it.

And then he goes one step too far, which is where I think it's funny, and then my dad stops laughing. But he's like... He wasn't holding his kids down, but he was chewing up food and blowing in their assholes with a straw. And my dad was like, what are we listening to?

He's like, you're not going to eat, I'll make you. Game time. Game time. Game time, game time, game time. You know we love live events. You know we love being in the building, whether it's a concert, a game, a comedy show. We always use game time.

I used it this weekend. I went to Wicked, the play, whether it's a concert, a game, a comedy show. We always use GameTime. I used it this weekend. I went to Wicked, the play, not the movie. I forgot what I was going to say. But GameTime is constantly evolving, constantly changing, constantly making things better. Right now they have the GameTime Picks filters.

It filters out the fluff to show you incredible deals on great seats so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. Like I said, I was looking at Wicked the other day. Let's see what else is in town for Game Time right now. Then Army Notre Dame this weekend at Yankee Stadium. Rams are playing the Jets. You can probably skip that one.

Saints are playing the Giants. You can probably skip that one. Blues at Rangers. You can probably skip that one if are playing the Giants, you can probably skip that one Blues at Rangers You can probably skip that one if I'm being honest Everyone's kind of falling apart Red Islanders, you can probably skip that one There's a lot of good stuff to see Whether or not Tate McRae, bang, there you go

Nope, that's in September of 2025 I don't know why it's on top of the app Must have just gone on sale, whatever There's always good stuff to see And you can find that on the GameTime app All you have to do is pull. Whatever. There's always good stuff to see. And you can find that on the GameTime app. All you have to do is pull up your chosen event, turn on the GTPix setting at the top of the screen, or browse the best

local GameTimePix deals near you on your GameTime app homepage. What are you waiting for? I'm going to go get those Islanders tickets right now. No, I'm not. That's a lie. Download the GameTime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new GameTimePix time is it game time who yeah but that's last night for me it's very rare maybe chewed up that i will sit in a room and watch other comics and be inspired

yeah at this point in your career at least right like, but it's what I love about stand-up so much. And I am a comedy nerd, dude. I love comics. I live in Vegas now. I would say the thing that I miss the most is sitting in a green room and chopping it up with people. That energy of sitting in a room with comics is a ton of fun. But watching Joey and Louie last night, it's still for me. I'm like, these guys really. And watching Louie work shit it's still for me I'm like these guys really and watching Louie

work shit out and same with Joe Joe's just trying but their process and like how meticulous Louie was with his notes and all that shit

I'm like oh this is still what it takes I thought he was I kind of was under the impression when he did the garden that he was going to like disappear for a while I guess it has been a while

but I thought he was going to be like you know we'll see Louie in like 10 years. He's so prolific. He just keeps coming. It's fucking crazy. It's funny you say your favorite part of comedy. And what I feel like a lot of comedians say is it's the green room.

Yeah. Which is funny because that's just the locker room. But I think a lot of comedians played sports. It's the camaraderie. Yeah. I feel like there's a couple sports comics. But for the most part, it's like MMA. But it's very rare.

You, Soder, Shane. Yeah. But for the most part, you're not. Sam with the Knicks. I guess it's more and more. But there was a time where we would be interviewing guys. And you bring up sports. And it's like.

I do remember. I remember doing a sports radio show. I forget where I was. I guess it's more and more, but there was a time where we would be interviewing guys and you bring up sports and it's like, whew. I do remember. I remember doing a sports radio show. I forget where I was. Miss Chicago, maybe. And this guy was asking me headline questions. Yeah. And I answered, and we were talking about the Red Sox, and I answered, and I talked about basically everybody who was in their bullpen at the time.

Yeah. And he was like, whoa. Oh, okay. So you know sports, right? Dude, I'm from Boston. Fuck yeah. If I didn't, I would have had to sleep outside. Boston is a little different, but I can understand.

Boston, New York, Philly. Yeah, that northeast area. But if you are up on stage every night and you're kind of an artsy, think about it, you're artsy nerds writing fucking little poems, you know so like it doesn't make it makes sense in that regard but also uh most like you're you're like a dude right like most stand-ups though weren't the quarterback on the football right right right right you're not looking at a bunch of physiques up there like i bet you that guy can bench 350 probably not you're like he ate 2500 milligrams of weed looks like that guy that's the difference for sure not a lot of athletic physiques walking

on stage it is like if you think about it like we're all just looking for our locker room whether or not you can play sports or not like that's how poetic is that gaming is right yeah but yeah but honestly because you get you get a locker room when you're a kid like you get you get you're given it you know you're you're allowed to play sports you're supposed to play sports you do that and then when you're an adult like that goes away because unless you're a professional athlete you know it's gone and then it's like well where's my locker room but you wonder why that's like a corona ad find your locker room find your locker room It's a great t-shirt. You wonder why people are like, everyone's so tribal. We've always been tribal.

We're always looking for that community of like-minded people. That's who I like to chop it up with. Whatever locker room it is. The internet is the devil because it lets people into yours. It's like you're not supposed to be here. You don't have to do anything to earn your way into my locker right right you just created a screen name i'm like i guess this guy's in my locker room now you joined it's like no you weren't invited you're not good enough you're not funny enough and you're killing the vibe yeah you're in the locker room touching

everyone's dick which is not good listen we're doing weird stuff with our dicks but you're taking it too far the locker room's fun because we do weird stuff with our dicks but you're taking it too far the locker room's fun because we do weird stuff with our dicks but you no yeah we don't touch it reverse like that that's weird shit it sounds gatekeeping to be like the internet lets anyone into your locker but i feel like it's also like human nature you want to earn it you want to have like something to say like i deserve to be here yeah and i think on the internet i don't think you get it as much as in a comedy locker i mean i feel like i get it more than i have in a long time now with the podcast without of order with like other shit like there's it's all real life like oh i earned it i i you've spoken to enough comics who have sit sat here where you're like oh i kind of get this community yeah yeah but to just pop somebody in

look i i wrote on tv shows for many years and so a writer's room for somebody who's never sat in a writer's room i don't think i could do that is fucking the things that are said in a writer's room you know what chelsea lately on one writer's room day we googled because chewy was a midget we googled life expectancy of the midget for a long time and then called him in we were like hey you're doing pretty good you're doing great man you're really doing great but there's there was no they you know there was no limit there was a there was i i wipe my nuts on this dude's bagel and chelsea was like before you do that let's get the film crew in here

so we filmed it and put it on the show and she thought it was just the funniest thing so for the next like month or so she would be like hey go put your balls on and we would just but anywhere outside of a writer's room people are like hey you can't put your balls on other people's stuff it's a it's a people you trust that it's people like you have more leeway than anyone else in my life will yes you got you got to be sure that you have to be positive you have that leeway, but once you have it, you have it. There are things that-

Like grabbing your girlfriend's ass. You're like, I can't grab a random girl's ass. I got this leeway with her. She let me do it. That's one of my favorite- There was a period of time where in the beginning of Barstool, the commenters were really funny people.

Before commenters, it just became like shitbags who just suck. And they were all- I was probably like 25 or 26 when I started, people before commenters became like shitbags who just suck and they were they were all i was probably like you know 25 or 6 when i started and it was just all what i envisioned to be like 40 50 year old guys who just like fucking hate their wives and and just had like a locker room it was that was their locker room and i just remember one of them being like it was just such a like a profound but like simple thing you're just like isn't it crazy that like once you have a girlfriend you just can like touch their tits and like grab their ass and stuff but like

if you did that to a regular girl like you're in trouble but she just lets you do it because you have some sort of like social contract however you word it and i was like that is just it's so true it's like i pick you and you have to let me touch your ass i never thought of it like that before but it is true. I mean, like, you know, it's just... I do think it's my wife that would get me thrown in jail. For sure. But we just have this unspoken bond.

We're like, yo, you get to do it. You see that? Guess what I get to do. I'm going to be touching things and exploring holes, and that's just it. But you wouldn't flinch. You walk by your girl in the kitchen, you just smack her ass, and it's like nobody flinches on either side you do that in you know in a bar

yeah the wrong person you're going to jail it's so crazy but it all goes back to like the idea of the locker room and like-minded people and you're allowed to get away with what the community says is okay in those but that's why when the outsiders come in it's like hey it's weird you you don't know the rules like you're not playing by the rules we're playing by the rules that's right when someone comes in is like that's not appropriate well maybe not in your kitchen yeah right it's it's it's uh it's playing basketball with hockey players yeah they don't follow the rules they just start playing hockey we're playing basketball with hockey players. They don't follow the rules. They just start playing hockey. We're playing basketball.

Stop fucking checking me. Stop pulling me down. You're grabbing me. You're ruining the game. That's the internet. You're playing Knicks basketball. Stop it. Yeah, right. It's so funny.

We're playing Warriors basketball here. We're shooting. We're just playing fun. You're playing 90s Knicks. Stop it. By the way, I couldn't wait to see you just to ask you about the jets josh hates the jet like loves the jets being bad soda said the same thing yesterday there's something about it's not the jets it's aaron rogers oh but there's also yo aaron i'm

i'm there's a part of me that's like relieved that he sucks because we talked about it forever and especially him as a brady guy like yeah thank you the the the the the the words that got thrown around with aaron rogers it's like if you want to say that aaron rogers has like physically the best arm when it comes to throwing a ball angles yeah that's like that accuracy that's like one tenth of the quarterback position right yeah it's like it's like having a nice swing in baseball. It doesn't matter if it's pretty or not. Yeah, Willie Beaupain is the greatest hitter of all time. Right, he had a great swing.

I did love watching him hit a ball, dude. He's going to put a dent in the monster. Threw the ball. You would see him hit one ball, and you're like, this dude's the best hitter of all time, right? He put a dent in dead center once. It wasn't even a monster anymore. It was like back in the day,

they had that platform where they filmed the game from. It was like back there. And they're like like i don't think we've ever seen this get dead no yeah 450 feet glenn allen hill on the cubs too you would hit him like over over the fucking apartments that people you know what i mean like but but that does not make you the greatest hitter of all time you know it's like uh and aaron rogers was that guy for me for so long and the jets signed him and i was like fuck. I've been talking shit about this guy forever. And there was this part of me that was like, you know, if he does what he does and the defense is the defense. And, like, if it all comes together and, like, you know, shame on every Jets fan for ever thinking it would come together.

The only thing I'll say is the Achilles was just like – I mean, I guess that's part of the problem, though, is you signed a 40-year-old guy. Yeah. But, like, that's just such the problem though, is you signed a 40 year old guy, but like, that's just such a freak occurrence that probably fucked everything up. And who knows in an alternate universe that doesn't happen and who knows, but it did. And it's cause he's old. And like,

that's part of your risk when you sign a vet like that. And, but now that it's over, it's like, I'm like, dude, I don't like dudes who cause problems and get people fired and pretend like

that was me you and Robycella what are you talking about if you do it say it fine you brought in all your toys we fired who you wanted fired we catered to you like a little baby and yes there's a whole bunch of other problems

but there's been several bunch of other problems. But there's been several times where it's like, here's the ball with less than a couple minutes to go. Do your thing. And he just – it's like freeing out. He's not a leader, which is like 70 percent of the quarterback position. How many Super Bowls after he won that first Super Bowl where you're like, oh, this dude is going to win every Super Bowl for the next 10 years? He has one, bro. That's what's crazy. And one is what matters.

It's a sport where if you get your one, you're solidified. But, you know, it's like, would you rather a Dan Marino? Yeah, right. There are just other people who it's like, I don't know. It's also the, like, I'm a Patriots fan, one. I'm a Brady fan, two. This is, as my second favorite team, this is probably my most successful season of all time.

Like, I was thinking about it the other day, watching. I was like, Aaron Rodgers was falling apart. Jets are done. Fantastic. Never have to even hear that ever again. Cross that off the list. Agreed. Patrick Mahomes is having a season that Tom Brady wouldn't dream of having.

He's like 10 touchdowns, 10 picks. Like, never in never in a million years guess what that's off the list now right and drake mays the guy drake may looks good drake mays not the guy oh he looks good he's your guy but like i was watching would you like to have my jet right now everybody though so no yes you did i never said that about Jacoby Brissette. Maybe not you individually, but who was the other? The one right before. Mac Jones. Yeah, I heard Mac Jones was the guy, too. No.

So, fuck off. Mac Jones. You guys are the fan base who cried wolf. It's like, we had a couple good games. Admittedly, there was a stretch with Mac Jones. Not even a stretch. There were games where I'd be like, he's showing signs. He could have it. I've watched Drake play full games where I go a stretch in the back. Not even a stretch. There were games where I'd be like, he's showing signs. He could have it.

I've watched Drake May play full games where I go, that's the guy. I was watching Herbert Burrow Sunday night going, these guys aren't doing anything Drake May can't do. Take it easy. Dude, let me ask you a question. Drake May is so fucking good. For a fan that watched Tom Brady, you'd think he would be a little more like, well, wait a minute, before you start crowning people. But you guys just hand him out. Crowns everybody. What was Brady's first first full season what were his stats like because i bet you i mean it

was a different league they weren't they weren't they weren't tom brady he wasn't i don't think he was brady brady but he wasn't 607 but his interceptions were still down i mean because my home's right now also something's going on that's my point he's left like you can compare it to brady season one this is what i'm not doing it brady season 10 no but brady season one but my home season one is so much better than brady season yeah right it's not even like like how didn't the second season he had 50 touchdowns or something crazy like that my homes yeah i don't i don't know but it wouldn't shock me crazy yeah i i i'm with you though i because i'm such a homer i root against the chiefs not because i actually dislike them no i just don't want their dynasty compared to that's

the most natural thing right and i i actually it's actually eased my brady defense too because it's when when brady was brady and like we were humming yep i was like we're never gonna see this again in the history of sports. Mahomes is already close enough where I'm like, we will one day. So, okay, I'm not as holding it in a death grip. It actually happens pretty fast how you get the next. It went from, it didn't quite go Montana-Brady, but Brady wasn't that far after Montana either.

So it will happen. There will be another Brady. And even if Chiefs fans want to tell me, if a cheese fans arguing with me my home is better i'd be like look man you're never gonna win me over that's fine because i felt what tom brady made me feel but i see your argument like it's not a crazy argument you're making it really bummed me out when people like kelsey's better than gronk i'm like i don't want to say yes because gronk dealt with injuries that – and a non-injury Gronk, who knows how long that dude plays

because he was running people over. Right. And I always wondered why he took such bigger hits than Kelsey. Like he would take – maybe because he looked for the contact for a while. I'm not sure. Part of almost the problem with Gronk is why he was so awesome. I think he also was risking his body and loved it. It's like, well, now your back's broken, dude.

For the record, his first full season, Brady went 18 touchdowns, 12 interceptions. Then he went 28 touchdowns, 14 interceptions. Right. So that first season feels somewhere in this Mahomey thing right now. But this is that season one versus – I think this is Mahome's what? 2002, 28 touchdowns. It's bold on football reference. I think that was the league leader.

28 touchdowns? Dude, the league back then was, I mean, that was when you had fucking Antoine Smith was getting 30 carries a game. Quarterbacks were slinging it. And then in 2007, yeah, 50 fucking touchdowns. 50 touchdowns, eight interceptions. That's like ridiculous numbers. Yeah.

But what year did the league change? Just really start to change? After the tie law, like three picks, which was the 2004 Super Bowl maybe, that was when the Colts complained after that that the – They were manhandling. They were manhandling the wide receivers, and then the rules changed on five yards after contact and that's when i think that at least i think you know football and basketball i would love to see a blend of the old and the new one of the i can't

watch regular season basketball but i'll watch socks i'll watch basketball yeah because they let you body each other up but also the players body each other up but The regular season is just like bombs away, half-court shot, half-court shot, half-court shot. I get it, but it's like – Boring. It was cool when like two guys were doing it. Like Damian Lillard and Steph Curry was like, whoa. But when everybody does it, it's like this just sucks.

That's why I think Anthony Edwards is like the savior. Like he's the only one and I think might restart another – because it really is like a like what steph curry was doing steph curry's cool because he just let the world know you can do something like i think everyone was like you can't shoot from half court and then he did it a regular looking dude and then there was fucking bro forget about regular dudes in the nba there's highlights of sixth graders yeah there was a there was one that went viral where it was like sixth grade kids bombs away like three half court shots in a row and it was like we just unlocked this thing like oh you can do that now but now i need another generation

to know that you can like go to the fucking hoop and hammer it on someone and that's the way to play last night carl anthony towns he pump face at the three point line. Guy jumps. He steps up. And I'm like, oh, he's got a clear path to the shoot it. He's done. Then he steps back and shoots another three. I'm like, dude, two steps to the rim, bro. It went in. That's the problem.

I don't want to see Wemby shoot threes. What are you doing out there, dude? You're nine feet tall. You don't have to jump to dunk. How easy is this fucking game for you? What are you doing out there, dude? You're nine feet tall. You don't have to jump to dunk. How easy is this fucking game for you? What are we doing? Get down by the basket. He is. Fucking crazy.

All due respect to Giannis with the freak nickname. Like, he's a literal. I love that Nike, his symbol is an alien. He's literally an alien. That man is. He's an alien walking on the planet Earth. He's blocking shots of other seven-footers going up for dunks without jumping. He's just like.

He takes, like, two steps to get from the opposite free throw line to the fucking other hoop. I don't watch basketball that closely, but I remember seeing a video where it was like. He won defensive player of the year, did he? No, he did not. That was, like, people. They gave it to Rudy Gobert again, and it was like he won defensive player of the year did he no he did not okay so that was like people they gave it to rudy rudy gobert again and it was like right bullshit that so this video was if you have any question why he he actually is the defensive player of the year it was like he hit a three and then the team he hit they hit it on like got the ball down court quick like they had like three guys down, and he stopped.

Everybody. He stopped everyone. The guy didn't go for a layup, and whoever he passed it to, he closed out on. And they passed it to another guy, and he blocked him. By the way, he can cover the three-point line. I mean, honestly, when he puts his hands out, it's probably at least two people, if not like three defenders. Dude, it's crazy.

He's standing in the middle of the key, and he just pivots on his left foot. He can cover the three-point line and the basket at the same time. And the baseline and the sideline. It's fucking unreal. But we're going towards like when I was growing up, there was a guy named Ralph Sampson. And he might have been the first big guy.

You're like, oh, he has got some – he's dribbling the ball. Robert Parrish did not dribble the basketball up the court. That was like, what are you doing? It was something like Ralph Sampson was like, I'm just going to do the court. You know, that was like, what are you doing? It was something like Ralph Sampson was like, I'm just going to do this too. Yeah. You know what I mean? And the guys started to – that was pretty early, so it still took a long time. But even like by the time Shaq got to the league,

there was those highlights every now and then where he would just take it up the court and people were like, what the fuck? But nobody was getting in front of him. As soon as he started running, people were like, that's two points. I'm not taking that charge. If you were getting some holiday shopping done this week, let me tell you something to pick up at the store. Pick up a couple touchdowns.

You know what I mean? You don't have to pick up at the store. You can do it on the app. They are on sale at the DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sportsbook partner and official sportsbook partner of the NFL. What else would you expect from the number one place to bet touchdowns? DraftKings has doorbuster profit boosts and bet one, get one promotions on all types of touchdown bets.

Be sure to check the DraftKings Sportsbook app all weekend. There's going to be so much football on this weekend. I actually, a little side note here, I saw the John Gruden thing the other day. I laughed so damn hard. It was just him getting jacked up for football. I'm going to watch that 10 times this week. Be sure to check the DraftKings Sports Bag all weekend for flash deals that will have you dancing in the end zone.

Grab some TDs with DraftKings Sports Book. They are on sale from Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday. Download the DraftKings Sports Book app and use code KFC to opt in. That's code KFC, only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467-369.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org please play responsibly on behalf of boot hill casino and resort in kansas 21 and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in ontario one bonus bet per customer based on amount of initial touchdown bet and expires 168 hours after issuance one single use boost per customer that only applies to winnings see sportsbook.draft kings.com slash promos for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. Dude, I was at my daughter's first basketball game. She's in third grade.

How old is that third grade? She's turning nine. She's eight right now. She's almost nine. And we went to this court. We went to this place. It was like I felt like I was at like Rucker Park or I was like in the cage or something. It was this tiny gym where they just had a row of fold-out seats that were it was like being

courtside your feet were on the fucking sideline yeah and then they had like a it was an auditorium so they had a stage and this place was packed out and fucking sweaty and loud bro like loud people i was like, oh, shit. I was thinking, like, I'm just going to go watch these girls putter around. And, I mean, people are like, box out, box out. Get the rebound. You were like, I should have brought better snacks. I should have brought Capri Sun.

I should have come correct. It was so fucking unbelievable to watch it, man. And I had. Dude, I remember I coached my kids team yeah and i played lower level college baseball and so i know and we used to the division one teams used to come down because i played in texas and you would see the difference between us and the division the division one players they had all five tools yeah right and all of them played shortstop and pitch on their high

school team every single one of them right and on my team like we had like a first baseman you know the dude who could hit his hands are super fast but he was short and fat it took him like he was going station to station yeah we had a bunch of those dudes on our team but you the difference and so on i'm coaching these kids, I would tell people at the beginning of the year, I watch tryouts, nobody's going pro. None of your kids are going pro. I'm telling you right now.

So let's take it easy on screaming from the stands because you're not going to be helping any of them. There was this one dude who he wore the short gym coach, those shorts, and his son like to pick flowers in the ice in the outfield yeah and he he hated it he was like pay attention yeah and so he came up to me one day and he was like look my son wants to play shortstop and i turned to it i go do you want to play shortstop he's like yeah and it was one of those all dirt fields oh i know those well i'm playing bouncers are never true yeah yeah yeah that you're just like they're coming fast you're coming fast

in a hot you look like it's here and it's here or it's here so we put the kid is short he's not paying attention ball gets it to him bounces up hits him in the chest and uh so i run up and he's and the whole team's around him there It was like 10 year olds, right? And so everyone's concerned for this kid, all the other players. And the guy runs on the field. He's like, get up. You're okay. Get up.

You're okay. And this dude, he was squatting down. Oh no. And this one kid goes, this one kid goes, Mr. Thompson, your penis is hanging out. And that guy never came back to another fucking game. He was just like, oh i probably should be on a list dude it's funny it's funny you say this kid got hit in the chest uh so keith my son just um joined a travel team and he was like how old he is seven so he's that's crazy this travel team yeah well but he well he's he's

on an eight he's like playing a little bit up. So we went from, like, coach pitch, no umpires, no outs, just everybody gets the hit, and he's fucking hitting. I throw it like a dart to him, and it's, like, the same place every time. He's hitting dingers. He thinks he's fucking Babe Ruth. We go to play on a travel team. He's in the deep end, and these kids are fucking awesome.

I'm convinced that, like, all these kids are going to be professional athletes one day i'm like you can't be better than this at the age of like seven or eight so they're also ridiculous they have some kids have sliding mitts and shit it's just like like first of all none of you are sliding at first well you're like no but none of you have like broken hands that you need to protect like but they want to look like i immediately rolled my eyes at that but like i wore an Iverson shooting sleeve. Absolutely. Same shit. Same shit. I didn't even play basketball. I played CYO basketball for like three years. I wore a shooting sleeve.

That would look cool. Fuck yeah. So Keegan's in over his head, and he's learning trial by fire. So it's a tough season, and we're working through it all. But anyway, so he's up at the plate, and I'm like, he's too afraid to swing. And I'm like, bro, just swing the bat three times. I don't care where the fucking balls are. First pitch, right at him, he has to turn to get out of the way.

He thumps in the chest, and I'm talking the whole – He turned outward? Yeah, like he turned away like this, and it was so outside. Like it was such a wild pitch. Boom, like thud like that. We all hear it like and i i've never been prouder because i was like that's it we are never playing baseball again because i know he's gonna be like we had just come from flag football where he was crying if like someone

pulled his flag let alone getting a fucking ball to the chest it hurts you're embarrassed the whole nine and i had uh there was like a netting that you had to go under right and i put so i put my head under to i immediately ran on the field being like a i've heard horror stories of like kids get hit the chest and fucking dying heart stops whatever and b i was like he's gonna be crying and i want to just like scoop him up and get him away and by the time i went under and got my head up he was running to first just smiling and everyone was kind of like oh fuck yeah. And it was like, I've never, it was just like the range of emotions are swinging, you know?

But I was ready to run on the field too the same way that guy was. What did you say to him when you got in the car? Well, right away, first of all, he was like, I think there's going to be a bruise there. There's going to be a bruise there.

Awesome. And I was like, yeah. I was like, dude, you're the toughest guy in the world. You're the fucking man. You're the strongest guy. I bet you he felt good about himself, right? 100%.

I was short of hitting a home run. That was probably the coolest thing that could have happened to him. He was telling everybody. Yeah, dude. It was great. I bet you he drew stitches. He wanted there to be a bruise so bad. I was like, bro, that pitch was like 23 miles an hour.

There's not going to be a bruise. But put it this way. It was enough, though, that all the dads were asking me if he wore one of those chest protectors that kids wear. Like Kevlar? Well, kids wear those now because there's like these freak occurrences. They do? It's like a specific baseball thing that it's like a little plastic kind of chest protector. Under your uniform?

Under your uniform, yeah. It's a little bit extreme, but there's stories of kids getting line drives And pitches and shit Where I think it hits you in your heart When other dads are asking you If your son's wearing fucking equipment Because he ate it And I was like no it's natural It's that clancy blood

I got hit by it I would have been like How I wore a I wore lacrosse Rib protectors Because I had mono And If I got hit in the spleen

I would have died But the only reason I could play with mono Was because my mom forged a doctor's note And then she got me the lacrosse pads You want to talk about For real you can die If you get hit in the spleen with mono. Yeah. And then your mom was like, you're going to be all right.

It was a championship game. Oh, yeah. It was my sophomore season. Flags fly forever, babe. Fuck your spleen. Get out there. It was the NPSAC, the New England Prep School, whatever, championship. What prep school did you go to?

Ports of the Abbey in Rhode Island. And she was like, do you want to play? And I was like, yeah, I want to fucking play. Literally the job of the parents, of course the kid's going to say he wants to play. You're going to die if you play. That's why your parents are supposed to be like, you shouldn't play.

Right, right. That's what parents are there for. And then we won, and I was celebrating on the field with my coach, and I was like, just so you know, my mom forged that letter. And he goes, fights, don't tell me that. That's fucking great, man.

That's a different time, man. I don't remember any growing up. I don't know if our parents didn't know about safety or just didn't care, but it was never like a huge concern of like hey you might get hurt right i know it's like you're gonna get hurt and it's gonna be okay i was talking to a friend of mine about this the other day and he's got kids and i i go do you remember dude i used to get on the handlebars of your bike no helmets either one of us right and we used to go to the store and buy your dad cigarettes and he was like yeah i remember that we would walk in the guy was like i can't sell you cigarettes and the guy would be

like it's for my dad and he'd be like okay that was it dude we would come back with some marble reds for this dude's dad on the handlebars and the guy was like you're good kids we were like okay my neighbor used to call me at the house. He was like, oh, the Jew kid's here. I wasn't offended. I'm like, that is me. I am the Jew kid. It's funny how language evolves. Words mean different things at different times.

It was like what we were talking about with the locker room earlier. At that stage, some people used it racially, but some people were like, I don't know. This is just common how we talk. Descriptive. I don't think less of these people it's just it's separated me from the other ones i was the jew yeah yeah dude i mean we we lived uh we had one kid who was jewish in like our our community and like didn't even like understand that there was like others out there yeah it was like i don't, this is like the weird kid.

And then you get outside, like in the rest of New York City, you're like, oh, there's more of them out there. How many times did he have to explain what matzo was? People are like, what? Say that again? Yo, it's funny you bring up this Jewish shit. This Jewish shit! I sat Shiva the other day.

But what I thought was going to be Shiva, there was this whole story. I ran into this family. They were were fans of mine their father literally i was at the hospital oh i saw that story yeah and uh and they were like will you come sit shiva and and uh i thought it was going to be like the real sit shiva but they had i think they did that with their family and then they had like a party and i walked in and i was like this is an irish wake i get i get what's going on. I know how to do that game. I didn't know.

Do you guys do that? Or was that an exception for them? My family was not super Jewish, right? We did most of the high holidays, and every now and then we'd do Shabbat. But we still had – So that's the equivalent of Christmas and Easter? Yeah. Yeah, but I mean except the week of no bread when you're a kid makes you the weird...

When you come in with a peanut butter and jelly amatsa and people are like, what the fuck is that? What's that for? The week of no bread. What's that one? It's... Yom Kippur? One of those?

I forget. You are a man, too. Yeah, I do. Yom Kippur, I believe is... What's the one with Santa and Jesus? Yeah, too. Yom Kippur is the fasting. Yeah, that's the one you're atoning or whatever.

Yeah, and then I think there's a week of no bread and then maybe Rosh Hashanah is New Year. So it must be Passover leading up to Passover. Got it. Somewhere around there. I would ask a real Jew. Are you 100%? I'm 100% Jewish. Did you raise your kids religious at all?

No. Like bar mitzvah and shit? No, I left all that up to them my bro and they didn't do it i was like you're missing out on some money as a as a gentile i remember i got like 400 bucks for my confirmation and the jews were getting legit like you're in like a lot of you're in like six or seven degree you get five grand it's like what can i tell you so the guy who taught me how to read out of the Torah, my dad was the cheapest. Well.

Yeah, exactly. I'll never forget this dude named Dennis. He smelled the worst. He came in with his shirt buttoned down to here with just hair. Well, that's a guy that you want teaching you the Torah, though. Except when he would be teaching you and he would twist his chest hair and pull some out and sprinkle it he would sprinkle it on the fucking sprinkle it and i was it was hard for me to

concentrate i was always when he smelled no fucking kidding when he smelled so i was always like but when he would be like when he would go so when you do it i would just when he would be like when you do it i was always like he was salt bae and my yeah dude and so i would tell my dad i was like dennis is sprinkling chest hair and he was like yeah but he's like he's a team bucks an hour yeah yeah yeah i'm like yeah because everyone else he gets fired for sprinkling his chest hair on the fucking ground dude the worst part of my dad was like after the after we do the class he'd go hey hey, go sweep up Dennis's chest hair.

And I'd be like, why do I got to fuck a barber shop? You got a pile of it? I had to get it. My dad was like, I don't want to step on it with my bare feet. I'm like, what the fuck? So I had to go get the little dustpan. Disgusting, bro. It was pretty bad.

That is brutal. Dude, it was baruch atah. It was fucking so gross, dude. Why? I don't know what part you start doing that or if it's a nervous habit. Well, you know what, though? It's probably one of those things that I'm trying to think of. There's definitely weird shit that like, I don't know.

I'm always biting my nails and clipping my nails and shit and i'm and when i do it in front of other people i think they're like that's gross you know but it's like i but yeah like that's what i mean like there you have certain habits that i think you do at home and then eventually you do them so often maybe it bleeds out into real life pulling out your chest hair and sprinkling it it ain't one of them but butting your nails i think is pretty universal for people. Yeah, right, right. You've seen it before. Ain't nobody ever seen that before. No, or since.

There has never been a time where I've... I just picture him at the bar talking to girls. I don't think he talked to many girls. Just on the BO alone, I don't think he... You got to find a nice Jewish boy. There's a lid for every pot, man. Dude, this fucking guy, when he came to the bar mitzvah, he was sitting by himself. Everybody else was all grouped together, and he was just in the back, Dennis.

Fucking straight up gross, dude. I don't know how you would start. That feels like a nervous habit. That's what I mean He does not even realize he's doing it He's just on autopilot You need someone in your life to check you Stop doing that

And my dad wouldn't because he was so cheap Dude how's Vegas I love it more than Any place i've ever lived real are you living like i live in henderson but what's like 15 minutes outside it's the quietest place i've ever lived why'd you go there my wife you know we had gone from la to nashville we wanted to get out of la right we went to la to nashville and she just hated the weather she She's not into the cold. She's not into the humidity. There was a tornado season. She was like, season?

Like spring, summer, tornado? I would have thought Nashville has that. It's not southern weather. It's mid-nature. You think Nashville is hot, and then you realize. Yeah. And we both have had really, really bad bouts with mold toxicity. So we've had to really just gravitate towards hot and dry.

And so I was not moving to Arizona where the old Jews are. I'm not old enough. Yeah, not yet. I'm not saying no, but I'm not old enough. As long as I'm not picking my own chest hairs out, I'm not ready for it. There's going to be a day where you're going like this and you go, Honey, we're moving to Arizona. Look up Scottsdale.

But I love Vegas, man. I have a residency there every Monday night. That's awesome. Are you a gambler? I'm a sports gambler. Are the sirens calling you? The vice calling you? I'm a sports gambler. Yeah. So that is something? The vice calling you? I'm a sports gambler.

Yeah. So that is something I can do from anywhere. So it's not worse because I'm there. Right. And I honestly don't like the people who gamble enough. I'd go and play blackjack, but I hate the fucking people at the table so much. Right, right. There's always an Asian dude who's yelling at you because you took a card yeah you're like what the fuck or a fucking pro bachelor party yeah

whatever variation of vegas it is it's not something you want to be around consistently at least it's not and we go down there every now and then just for food or whatever or for a show are your kids living are they jacob lives there he lives at home jacob lives not with us but he lives in vegas um and he tours with me now with us, but he lives in Vegas. Got it. And he tours with me now. Right, right. Which is like... It's fucking awesome. Bro, it's Bron and Bronnie.

The original. Yeah. Well, it's Griffey and Griffey. Oh, dude, that's true. There's a documentary coming out about them soon. And by the way, MLB is putting out awesome documentaries, and I haven't watched any of them because they're impossible to find. But they're all...

What are they? There was a Greg Maddux one. Yeah. There was a. Dude, the Maddux clips are insane. Have you seen the clips online? Yeah. So awesome.

That one where he set up Bagwell. In the regular season for the postseason? Yeah. Incredible. Incredible. This one. Hey, look at what I got. Come on in.

Join the party. Tommy John, hands down the best underwear I've ever worn. Everything Tommy John makes is meticulously crafted from breathable stretch fabric for the perfect fit, including their loungewear and sleepwear for both him and her. Be the GOAT. We addressed this last time, but I have to address it again. The GOAT doesn't really make sense here because they're making it the greatest gifter of all time. That's two Gs.

You have to be the double G go. The double G-O. The go. I don't know. Whatever. Just gift Tommy John. It feels good to give, but it feels great to give Tommy John knowing you're upgrading their lives. Honestly, people always talk about gifts for men and guys whine about

it all the time. I don't get good presents. All you need is underwear. I don't buy myself underwear. I know most of the guys I know don't get good presents. All you need is underwear. I don't buy myself underwear. I know most of the guys I know don't buy themselves underwear. Buy us some Tommy John's. We'll be happy. I love putting on a fresh pair of underpants. With over 21 million pairs sold

and thousands of five-star reviews, giving Tommy John is a great holiday tradition. Great days begin with great underwear. That is very true. Don't miss Tommy John's spectacular Cyber Monday sale for their best deals of the season. Save 40% off site-wide at TommyJohn.com slash KFC. 40% is a big number.

40% off for a limited time at TommyJohn.com slash KFC. I figured this might happen. Dude, you legit look like a sailor on leave. Hey, this dude could pick some chest hair. Fuck yeah. This is a chest hair pick some chest hair. Yeah. Fuck yeah. This is a chest hair picker right here. Oh, those pants too. I'm telling you, he's a sailor on leave, this dude right here.

Get over here and suck my dick. You know, you said it like that's what happens when you walk in here. You're ruining everything. I took a step. I was like, he might see me. Yeah, yeah. I was like, wait a second. Yeah.

Yeah, what if he doesn't stop me? Let's see what I'm getting into first. What if he's like, yeah, keep coming, big boy. Yeah, you took one step. Don't be scared. The salt and pepper on both of you, but the salt and pepper on you is a little. It's getting mostly salt. Yeah, it's a lot of salt.

But you know what's crazy is that same with my mustache. It's the last thing to go. I was hoping jet black eyebrows and jet black stache. That's a good look. You can get fucking silver everywhere. Jet black bush? You kind of have it. Jet black bush?

What were you guys talking about? No, it's all the same. Jewish men pulling hair out of their chest and sprinkling it on the ground is what we were talking about. The guy who taught me bar mitzvah, he used to pick his chest hair and sprinkle it on. Dude, no Jew talk today. I've been living in Texas. I'm already over it. I've had enough.

You are so not a Texas guy, bro. I know, but dude, I was very scared, you know, because I am East Coast as fuck. Yeah. They're great people. Everyone's just fat and jolly. It's true. It's awesome. And they all think you're Joe Pesci.

Dude, there's none of us. Yeah, there's none of you. There's none of us. It's like reverse, you know? I met one guy with like an eye on his last name. I was like, I found you. What do you want to do? Let's do something.

You play pool? I don't either. Who gives a fuck? What are you doing in town? AYG, this pod, and birthday dinner. Fuck yeah. It's your birthday? Happy birthday.

It's your birthday today? How old are you? How old is Tommy? Well, let's all guess. Let's all guess. I think Tommy's older than he looks. He's one of those dudes who could be 55 or 38. I was going to say 42.

You're not in the... I think you're high 40s. You're not 50 yet, but you're older than you look. No. Three Quincearas. You're 45. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Bro, he you look. Three Quinceañeras. You're 45. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Bro, that one's going to take me an hour. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish.

You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish.

You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish.

You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish.

You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't finish. You don't know anybody who's worse at math than this fucking guy. Like, if numbers are set, I can physically watch his eyes. Like, his brain checks out. He's just like, I don't know, someone else. It should be standard.

Fat girl, Mexican in a ball gown is 15. Everybody knows. Who's better at math than the Jew sitting on the couch? I have 15 times 15. You know what I love is the gambling math like like uh portnoy i you know i don't know anything about his like if he could do like real math but you know you ask him anything about gambling it's like okay you know you know the exact amount to bet and the exact number to cover and all that shit it gets old it gets different when you get older you know what math i do now like I go, if the show starts at 10 o'clock,

I'm going to be home at midnight. I go to sleep by 1. I'm going to get six hours. Like, it's a different... You're playing a whole week. Yeah, I'm playing it out. It's old dude, Math. I do some I'll be in bed at.

I do that all the time. Get home, Matt. Get home to me is like, I get home and I'm like, instantly in like a fucking robe and on the couch with like a fire and a beer and a fucking movie within like 30 seconds. What's with that creepy kid in your backyard? That little statue.

Is it still there? I'm not touching that thing. There's something buried back there. I thought you were talking about your kid. I was like, Jesus Christ. I'm not touching it. My wife loves him. I keep him in the backyard.

Charlie, get out of there It's a statue I bought my house And I really don't know what happened Because we walked the property When I was looking at the house And we walked the backyard And not me, my family, the real estate agent

Nobody saw this thing And then As soon as I not me, my family, the real estate agent, nobody saw this thing. And then like as soon as I bought it, the first week, my dad's at the house. He's doing work and he goes, oh, like he made some joke. We got your first squatter at the house. And I was like, what does that mean? He's like the statue in the backyard. He sends me a picture and it's this little kid with a Freddy Krueger like polo striped shirt on and has like real hair. And it was just like in the backyard

and I was like that was not there just a Halloween thing no it's like it's very hard to know what it is and it's got rocks at the bottom like in a circle like hold it down shit there it is this this fucking thing look at that

is in my backyard that is that thing see that like the little statue just do control plus down here do you not know how the internet works this thing oh my god yeah that's his arm that's his fucking head that hair is like real hair dude it's kind of sick he's got like jeans on and he's kind of got fit he's pulling a fit off do you know sometimes but i i i went back and forth on if you leave it like does it you know now it's like this is my house or if you touch it does it like let the fucking spirits out or whatever but whatever that is i i actually had a moment you know when you're watching a horror movie and you're like why are they doing this or why are they

doing that like I would never you know and I was like I had a real I was I was walking out there like film it yeah and I was like it was nighttime it was also I have like this shed and there was a light on I was like I didn't put that light on so I was kind of like freaked out I was like I'm gonna go like film this and make content

and I stopped and I was like I'm not doing this I was like I'm I'm genuinely too afraid right now I'm just gonna go back give me a hundred bucks I'll take that out tomorrow you don't seem like a guy who believes nothing's gonna happen he's talking about fits spirits don't want this can I tell you the easily the gayest thing I ever do in my life is I'll text Tommy I I'm like, does this shirt match with these jeans? All the time I'm like, hey dude, do I cuff these jeans or do I not cuff these jeans? He's like, cuff those fucking jeans.

Always cuff the jeans. He's the same way. I'm always like, if Feidelberg likes something, if he compliments you. He's ahead of his curve, baby. He's got three of these things i have a little uh fashion group text not group text but we'll go today it takes you to the back and forth pictures like oh you look fantastic it's so good dude

there's nothing more like vulnerable shit just telling your buddy god damn you look fucking amazing i want to reiterate that you look i i just bought a jacket that looks so not much like that I was like it's such a fucking perfect jacket thanks pal very very nice I dressed up for this that fucking kid wouldn't wear this he at least put pants with buttons on today. He at least matches. No, dude. I need pants with buttons as an occasion, dude. I'm going to go straight all day. It really is a slippery slope, though, where it's like, you know. It was COVID for me.

I never wore sweatpants out of the house. Right. And then for a year, I was like, what the fuck have I been doing my whole life? Well, then there was that, like, athleisure movement where it's like everyone was just wearing fucking sweatpants to like the board meeting. It was like, you know, whatever. But it is just like, you know, I'm like, I'm going to my kids like sports practice. I'm like, I don't have to dress up for that.

But you are leaving the house. And then next thing you know, you're like, I got to go to like school with the kid. I don't have to dress up for that. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden you're just a fucking schlub. Yeah, hello. I walked in here today. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I think you'll appreciate this. I went on I told the story I won't retell the whole thing because we just talked about it but I went on I chaperoned a Quinceanera

it's not Quinceanera dude it's Quinceanera Quinceanera Quinceanera did I get that right? you were like if I say it fast enough nobody will know

if I said it right or wrong I had to get my license done in Mexico City. You're close. You're not that far. You're the first people I've spoken to today. I had to get my driver's license

in Texas because I lapsed for like a decade. And I was basically a chaperone at a Quinceanera. It was me and like a million Mexicans. Yeah, 15-year-old Mexican girls.

Just holding a pen Filling out my information Oh that's right You didn't have to drive here No Did you even have Like did you ever drive I had one Yeah in Philly

Right But in New York Since 2009 Right Yeah a decade plus Yeah So you blocking out Like don't stop cheating

Dude no There was a cheat code I figured it out Yeah How'd the chaperone go? Oh it was So I didn't really know What it was

I just signed up I wanted to do some shit With my daughter And how old is she again? She's nine Turned eight Turning nine That's early dance right?

Yeah and it was A super duper Slavery museum Like we were learning The history of slaves And the way they were talking about it was fucking insane like they started out talking about spices and what was it like what the colonies traded and and i was like i don't know if we're going to talk about like how they traded

them and what they did you know and all of a sudden they were like and then they went to africa and kidnapped people and made them work for free wait Wait, wait, wait. This is a dance? No, no, no. That's what he said. You said chaperone. I thought you said chaperone the dance. Field trip. I thought, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, that's a weird dance. That's fucking nuts. So it's a slavery-themed dance? What did your daughter wear? I went to some dresses. Dresses and chains. Is that a weird dance, dude? Punch!

Who wants punch? I'm good, man. Thanks. Yeah, dude. That would have been a weird dance, dude? Punch! Who wants punch? I'm good, man. Thanks. Yeah, dude. That would have been a slavery dance. Are we doing the Cotton Eye Joe this dance? That's a weird thing. It was so unbelievable, though.

They're asking, like, the kids are asking me questions, and I'm just like, oh, my God. Dad, did you ever have slaves growing up? You're like, nah, it's a little before my time. We weren't good with them either, though. Wow. That's weird. It's early to take a kid to that. You want kids to understand.

But you can't understand that shit at 8, right? They just control their bowels. You have to forgive them two, three years after. You would be a great chaperone, man. I would. I'd totally be great. I really would. This shit never happened. Don't after me. You would be a great chaperone, man. I would. I'd totally be great. I really would. This shit never happened.

Don't believe me. This is a lie. Don't believe me. Holocaust, that's not real. Just the Jews complaining. They did the same thing to Italians. You know we all have been slaves, right? We all have been slaves before.

My people were marginalized also, you know. They changed my great father's last name. Deadline. Deadline, Kenzo. I'd give the bus driver 100 bucks. I'd say, take a left here. We're going to a park. And I'd just ground balls.

Just ground balls. And rocket them at him, right? You thought this was a field trip? We're on a field. It's a field. him Adam right I didn't bring my glove who fucking my my son just won the Little League Championship. Oh, let's go. Awesome, yeah. Like, once real baseball... He played real baseball. Yeah, I'm saying, when they're old enough to play real...

They're still little kids, but they're, like, playing real... Like, I was watching the championship game, and they were, like, making plays. That's awesome. And, like, getting out of the inning, and, like, I was like, this is fucking real. Yeah, it's like when you see a baby start to walk a little bit. You know what I mean?

For kids in sports, you're like, oh, they're actually doing the fundamentals, but it's like when you see a baby start to walk a little bit you know i mean for kids in sports you're like oh they're actually doing the fundamentals but it's it's working yeah it's not just kids hitting off a fucking tape and everybody runs for the ball and then one person runs the person down yeah or they throw the ball at him to get him out yeah i was like no no no okay that works too i guess dude we had uh uh we threw there was a relay from the outfield and got a guy at the plate. And the catcher threw someone out stealing. Wow. They're fucking seven and eight years old.

That's crazy. I was like, this is great. I don't know about – like, you know, I feel like when I was playing Little League, it was nothing like that. You know what I mean? There was like two or three good kids on a team. It wasn't like everybody knew how to play. There were three kids. You know their name. You remember them, who they were.

One of them had a mustache. There was always this guy right here. It was him. He stopped growing when he was 11. How far did you play baseball? Did you play baseball in college or anything? I went to college and I wanted to play baseball there. I got a little scholarship, but then

my dad talked me out of it. Why? He wanted me to be an engineer. I got a little scholarship, but then my dad talked me out of it. Why? He wanted me to be an engineer. Well, I was stupid of him. So he killed my dream. I actually went to go to school for art.

Okay. And I got accepted to all the art schools in Philadelphia. Like literally paint? Drawing, painting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no way

your dad was being like, my son is a painter. Right, right, right. No fucking way. Not in his family. Well, also, there was no way your dad was being like, my son is a shit. No fucking way. Well, also, there was no graphic arts at that time. So he couldn't see me parlaying my creative abilities into a job. Right. Because back then it seemed-

Where you just kind of make paintings on a piece of paper. So there was no like- How long did you last as an engineer? Three years. Oh, you did it though? Yeah, I went to school for engineering at Drexel. Interesting. On the third year I transferred to IT

Because I hated I did two Cooperative education You go to school For six months And you go to Work for six months Yeah

That's what gets you We're talking engineering Like building Like civil engineering Yeah Architectural Wow Not like

That would have been amazing You're like I had my hat No the first The first two years Is like It's like pre-med Yeah That's fucking crazy Wow. Not like choo-choo. That would have been amazing. You're like, I had my hat. No, the first two years is like pre-med. Yeah, I mean, that's fucking crazy. But you did it. Yeah.

Smarter than you look. And wasted $400,000. Of his or yours? Mine. Congratulations. God, I really, what a fucking scam, man. Dude, it's such a funny thing to like start life you're like i'll start 400 grand in the hole yeah yeah just me and fucking a thousand indians i was just saying there needs to be somebody your father really fucked that one up because if if my kid ever came to me saying i'm gonna do engineering coding whatever i'd be

like you're not beating out the indians and the asians we're not doing this yeah like it's just not it's like the same thing as saying like i want to be a pro athlete it's like you're not doing it but you need you need like my dad was very i remember very honest with us and i appreciated this i know people were like that's bad parenting to me it was good my brother was a great artist i remember one day we were drawing my brother could draw like superheroes just freeform awesome and he was like you should draw with me i was like cool so we go in my my brother shows my dad and he's like jonathan that is great you probably should think of doing this as a career and i showed my dad and he was like not your time this is not your thing you can stop drawing right now and i was like okay

that's good advice. I'm not wasting any more time. Good parenting, yeah. Yeah, well, good parenting is just like, I don't know, man. Show your kids the outside of your city limits. Do you know what I mean? Like, I didn't go to, I did like three applications. My dad didn't give a shit.

I was 10th in my high school. And nobody gave a fuck. I talked to my guidance counselor for like seven minutes yeah he's like what do you want to do i was like i don't know is this your fucking job so he gave me a scholarship to drexel he's like i give one scholarship out if you can get in the drexel engineering i'll give you it and then athletic scholarship for baseball and i want talk to the coach and i want to play same at drexel yeah and then i started school and i was like there's no way I'm doing anything.

Yeah. It's like 20 credits, 19 credits, 18 credits your first year. You get one summer off and that's it. Then four years of straight school and work. Really? It's a five-year program. And it's like, it's expensive because if you can make the program work, you get, you're well above the rest of the, anyone else getting a job.

So you kind of did the worst of all. As an engineer out of college, you're getting a job. I got a job sophomore year. I was working at Donald Nacarado in Philadelphia. I don't know what the fuck that is. You said that like it was Morgan Stanley. Donald Nacarado. Did he make my lunch today?

I don't know what the fuck that is. It's just two uncles. Donald Nacarado? You said it like we were all like, Donald Nacarado? The sandwich shop. Yeah, dude. You said it like we were all like, oh, Nacarado. Oh, I got it. Was he in Die Hard? Was that the building?

The Nacarado building? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Wait, so you did see it through. You did the school and you got a job and then bailed out? I was in engineering. Then I did IT. I worked IT consultant for Verizon and deloitte and then that's right

i hated that again and i was like i need to do something different i always thought i wanted to be it's weird but i always thought i wanted to be like an entertainment i didn't know how and then i took a job that was more sales oriented i was a director of marketing and advertising agency and i hit my quota and just fuck off i was just too lazy and my my boss at the time was like god i wish you had a kid man if you had a baby you'd be so good at this fucking job but be terrible as a parent though that kid would be fucked but you'd be doing some good work for us how long had you been doing stand-up when we were touring together i started in 09 i started 29 years old 30 years old so you just a couple years when we

were yeah i was like two years in i don't know shit yeah my brother's playing engineer for the first decade you know yeah i didn't even know you could go to like comedy clubs like i thought i grew up with my dad i didn't watch comedy still i still but i like i don't like i didn't all i knew was like eddie murphy richard pryor george carlin from my dad watching it on like hbo or vhs right right right and i thought they were just so funny that some fucking pack of jews was like get up there and do it. There's a pack of Jews. I think I heard that in a Gibson voicemail. You go to like a comedy club and you like work at it. It's like a school.

You know? And so my brother signed me up when Helium opened up in like 06 or 07 in Philly. He told me about it. Was he like, you're funny, you should do this? Oh yeah, all my brother's friends. Like you wouldn't have done it on your own? No. No fucking way. When he was opening for me, though, dude, and only been doing it for a couple years,

but he would tell these ridiculous stories, like about the hooker. The threesome with the boss is crazy. What's that? The threesome with the boss. But the ridiculous stories. Yeah. Did I say that to you?

Did you? Yeah. I think we cut it. I think we cut it, yeah. The threesome with your boss what that is one of the greatest stories it's a great story not for him do you know how hard it is to take a stripper home yeah you gotta be talented the gift of gab they say i dated a stripper in college who used to like to have me come to

the strip club and she would I don't know why she liked to do this she would have me sit at the bar and when she gave a dance to somebody she would take their money walk over and put it in my pocket and I was always like yeah I'm about to get the shit beat out of you

but they were probably like who is she was like I fucking love doing this this turns me on I'm like to get the shit beat out of you. But they were probably like, who is that guy? She was like, I fucking love doing this. This turns me on. I'm like, fucking give me the money then. You're turning me on? You're talking about it, let alone if it was happening. She should have sat you in there like a pawn while other dudes could see you. And then she let you suck her boobs and stuff.

And there's just going to be a line. She's going to do a sex show. Not me, not there, but eventually. I fucking hope so yeah she let me touch her titty like we were saying bro it's the contract you're allowed to do that second base dude that was she was for that was the time that i realized oh i'm not equipped for a threesome because she was like you're ready for a threesome i was like i think

so right and it was her another girl and i was like you you two should get real close to finishing and then i'll join don't count on a lot of input from me on this one i'm a viewer on this one um i don't have to do another hour after this right this is it no yeah Don't count on a lot of input from me on this one. I'm a viewer on this one. I don't have to do another hour after this, right? This is it. No, yeah, this is it. Ah, sick. I've got to play pool. Francis Ellis wants to play pool and get drunk.

Where are you going? I don't know. You want to go? Oh, Francis belongs to a pool club, a billiards club. A billiards club? That makes so much sense. Does he have no pool cue? What's that? motherfucker that makes so much sense he's a pool cue what's that is he one of those

dudes that have a pool cue I could see him having his own bowling ball his own pool cue all that shit I don't remember I've only been once and I was drunk

but like I don't think he brought his own pool I don't know if it's one of those things like a wine club where they keep your cue in the back

I don't know where he got his cue from if you come in when it's on your shoulder that's fucking insane. I'm not playing with you. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, you're annoying as fuck. Yo, being? No. What the fuck did I do? If you come in with your own pool cue, you're not going to be fun to play with either. No, no. But you say he's not very good.

He's better. He's good. Being good at pool, I think, is one of the most awesome things you can do. You've got to be such a trash bag. No, but I... No family. Maybe, but I think, is one of the most awesome things you can do. You've got to be such a trash bag. No, but I – No family. Maybe, but I think it's awesome. If you can just step up and run a pool table, I think it's one of the –

Why? I think it's like – it's one of the most – if you can walk into a bar, like a trash bar, and people are like – they think they're good, they're talking shit, money's on the line, and you just run the table, I think that's fucking great. Darts too? Yeah, that kind of shit, I would love that. I'll fuck you up at darts too.

Fuck you. I think I completely disagree. I'm nasty. I think if some guy's like, I'm awesome at pool, I'm like, I don't fucking care. All right. I love darts. I understand that side of it too.

But it's like anything else. Like a buddy who's like, dude, I'm a great pool player. All right. You just took the time. I mean more like if you're there at the bar, and if you're the quiet one and and someone's talking shit You're like, yeah, and then you just literally like the white trash hero story. Yes I like a good yeah white trash heroes. That's Have you seen like professional darts?

I love watching overseas. They pack those stadiums. When they hit the triple 20 or whatever it is for the win, the place erupts like it's a fucking walk-off home run. How Will Ferrell hasn't done a dart movie? I have no idea. There's a crew of guys here. They go every year when it's at the Garden, right?

At Hulu Theater, yeah. Hulu Theater, yeah. It's crazy. of guys here. They go every year when it's at the Garden, right? At Hulu Theater, yeah. It's crazy. And they sing songs and shit? The people who, I will say this, the highlights we see are awesome. The people who go say pretty quickly are like, we're just watching. Yeah, we get it.

How about everybody throws once? Yeah, yeah. I think it's like an eight hour day and we watch a 30 second clip and we're like, this is amazing! It's like an eight-hour day, and we watch a 30-second clip. I'm like, this is amazing. It's like cricket. You see a good cricket catch, you're like, this is the greatest sport ever. You ever go to a wing bowl? You know what wing bowl is?

I know of it in Philly. I've never been. It's the same idea. You just get blacked out. The sun comes up. You go into a stadium. You watch these fat retards get nuts. I love that.

What are they doing? You didn't even tell me What they were doing What are they doing? Eat wings Eat wings It's like a wing eating competition And there's like Sea level strippers

Walking around Yeah it's Philly That's about as big as it gets You know Dude in Austin Have you been to that place Where they That chicken shit bingo?

No Where you sit around And you get shit faced And you watch chickens Shit on a giant board And you play bingo No that's cool No fucking way Yeah it's chicken shit bingo no where you sit around and you get shit faced and you watch chickens shit on a giant board and you play bingo no that's cool yes chicken shit bingo it's it's a good time yeah that's actually like a lot of people my parents are not the most tech savvy so it seems weird to give them a tech adjacent gift but aura aura's digital frame is perfect because yes, it's tech but it is so easy seriously, it is so easy to get started

and then once you do, the tech is incredible you can upload pictures right from your phone in just a click it's one of those, if you guys haven't gotten the gist here, it's a frame it's one of those frames that are constantly showing new pictures it's a digital frame, revolving door of new pictures it'll even pair photos together for you

like two pictures of the same person or from the same day or anything like that. There are no memory cards or USBs required. There's a reason Wirecutter magazine, digital magazine, don't worry, I'm in the know, and named it the number one best digital photo frame. It is the holidays, get gifts. Particularly old people and non-tech savvy people,

people who can't really handle this, love it. It's so easy. It blows their mind. How is everyone in the picture? It's like Harry Potter. How are they moving in the picture? For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com. Get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code KFC at checkout. That's AuraFrames.com.

A-U-R-A-Frames.com. And use promo code KFC. The exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is the best of the year. So do not miss out. Terms and conditions do apply. I haven't been sober for about two months. Yeah, that's why I don't call you anymore. This is the fucking craziest. You're sober like off weed and everything i haven't been it's been

30 years since i've been off uh we had to put my son in sober living right so i was like you know i'm gonna do this with him that's right because i because he goes on the road with me so it'd be weird for me to be in the green room smoking weed and be like hey pussy yeah yeah so but yo being sober is... You like it? It's not what it's cracked up to be. That was a test. If you fed me that bullshit, I was leaving. Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

I miss mushrooms more than I miss weed. Oh, you're not even doing mushrooms. No. You're not doing anything. I was doing three grams of mushrooms every Friday night for my comedy show. Yeah, I mean, you were a big weed guy. Did you write edibles and all that? For 30 years, 100 milligrams a day at least. Yeah. Yeah, cut everything out, man. of night for my comedy yeah you i mean you were a big weed guy for three to thirty years a hundred

milligrams a day at least yeah yeah cut everything out man and it's it's you know it's boring as fuck son jacob jacob yeah yeah dude if you take one day off from drinking you realize how many hours are in the day but i never drank it's only 2 p What am I going to do Until 6 6 comes around You're like I can't fucking do this How many sandwiches

Can I eat in one day And then you get on stage It's like This is stupid Life is hard man Are you You're sober right now Or no

No No Look at him No but I am I am weaning I had a long two nights A long two nights It's my birthday Your he look sober? A long two nights. It's my birthday.

Your whole life has been a long two nights. We just pulled him out of a whiskey distillery five seconds ago. No, no. He just talked about getting drunk at noon. What are you talking about? Ask him. Yeah, I'm fun, though. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, you are. That is true. Enjoy your darts, dork. It's tough. It is tough when they start dropping like flies. Like everybody has, yeah. I mean, I'm not like, so I just don't really like to drink anymore,

but like, it's not like I went sober, but you know, everybody. I want to get back to it, by the way. Yeah. I'm not quitting for good. And I'm just like, while he's getting his footing. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't want to be out here it's been almost two months for me yeah that's okay that's a long but it's still i thought you were gonna say like you had been doing for a couple years or something it feels like it yeah and by the way i'm not gonna last a couple years no there's no way did you uh did you like say like i feel like if it was me, I don't know. Father-son's a little bit different. But, like, if someone was like, I'm going to do this in solidarity with you, I'd be like, you don't have to do that. He told me that.

Yeah. He was like, you don't have to. This is not your responsibility. And I was like, yeah, but I'm your dad. Yeah, dude. And you're my guy. And I want to, if you're going to do it and come on the road with me. Yeah.

It's tough to be around someone else the whole time. Yeah, dude. It seems weird. And more also that it's such it was such a big part of my business like I don't want to sit around and glorify what he's trying to the demon he's trying to be it feels like a real

dick move feels like something Tommy's dad would do did you yeah but yeah did you see John Stamos? What he did in solidarity with Dave Coulier? Shave your head, you pussy. The only guy, though, in the world.

What did he do? Stop sucking dick? You know when people shave their head for cancer and then the barber like shaves their head and everyone cries he put on a bald cap and photoshopped it and then posted it on Instagram

and said putting on this bald cap in solidarity with Dave Coulier who was fighting cancer which is like the single most out of touch thing

I've ever seen a celebrity do like to do it first of all and then brag about it and he said as if you're doing something he said put on a bald cap

and flex my photoshop skills he wasn no oh my god and flex my photoshop skills i don't know that second sentence makes me think he's joking yeah i think he recognized but like i don't i think the i think that's a joke but like doing it i think he was not how good a friend you can't shave your head one time you don't think he's getting pussy bald? Stamos. Yeah, you're right. He is. But that's like one.

He could look like an orc at this point. It doesn't matter. You're not wrong. But it's not even about getting pussy. It's about being like, I have the greatest head of hair that has ever. And it's going to grow back. And I'll prove to you that it is real. Maybe it ain't real.

That's a good call. is handsome bro that hair is not at every level when he had the mullet in the 80s when he had like the the uh 90s kind of like part in the middle and now it's just by the way if i if you were just coming as a and you never knew either one of them but you could be like which one's the comedian you'd be like i can pick that one i can pick that one out did you see uh brandon walker guy works here went viral recently for uh the you know he's not uncle joey he's not an uncle he's never been called uncle joey on that show once really he's just he's uh uncle uncle joey's joey diaz uncle yeah the the he's just a friend he's just danny tanner's friend

in that show oh so they're gay probably so why is that guy coming around so much so he's not an uncle why is he there he's just got a grown man friend living with his kids i don't think they i don't even know if they live i think he's just there a lot that was the whole thing is that everyone thinks he was uncle joey and uncle jesse jesse wait it's uncle jesse but just joey neither one of them lived at the house? I think one of them lived at the house. Jesse lived in the attic with Becky Kitsopoulos. That's a little weird, too.

It's crazy that you're rattling off this stuff. And their names, too. Becky Kitsopoulos was a pole. I'm Becky right now. Jesse Kitsopoulos. I didn't watch this show. I didn't either. You guys are too cool. You're too old. You're too old.

Yeah. You're too old too, probably. Yeah. We had the dog walk draft. They have childhood shows. And I know of all of them, but I don't think I really did. Well, you had a fucking terrible upbringing. That's why I love you, baby.

What shows were you watching, Grona? Cheers. Yep. Wonder Years. Yep. I was watching 227. I was watching All in the Family. Yeah. Yeah, you're old Cheers. Yep. Wonder Years. Yep. I was watching 227. I was watching All in the Family. Yeah.

Yeah, you're old. Watch that shit. Oh, dude. So funny. You couldn't. Wonder Years is one of the greatest shows of all time. Dude. It's just the sense of humor.

It's very real. The reality of life. The dad was just like a fucking. Everything was unapologetically fucking dark, dramatic, and funny as fuck. I didn't realize until I was like older that it was a show from the 80s because they did... What time period was that supposed to be? It was supposed to be post-Vietnam. The father was an alcoholic coming over from Vietnam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beat his kids. Right. I remember being very afraid of the dad in that. Yeah. He had a temper. Yeah. That was real.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. You just look at it all the way through. I'd say 70s and 80s, there's nothing better than movies, television, everything was just so iconic. I'd say this is about the 80s and 90s. And then into the 90s, like mid-90s, that's when you fucking fruits came around,

they started playing this type of shit, and we lost touch of reality. I went back and watched old episodes of Taxi. Taxi rolled, watch Taxi. You guys are a thousand. Everyone's turning off the podcast. I don't even know if Taxi was in color, dude. Actually, the only thing in color was the taxi.

Charlie Chaplin show. Danny DeVito was actually six feet tall in that show. Dude, what a legend he is. I mean, he's been doing it for like crazy eight decades now like he still has my favorite answer ever given on the show where he came on he's promoting something with his daughter and uh did he stand up for this mic or did he sit down no he honestly so it was in the other studio he had trouble and it was like we had to boost him up because we had like high chairs you know we had to we had to to physically put them in the chair.

But I had asked him about... Do you have a video of that? Because I would just like to watch that. That was a serious accident. That was a serious. At serious, we had to physically put them in the chair. But I had asked him... Did you get on one knee?

Come here, little buddy. Come on over here. I just got down on hands and knees i got down on all fours and he just stepped on my back but the the i i asked him like about the different iterations of and generations of hollywood he's been through like what was his favorite like the 60s the 70s and he's like explaining all of them and he's like the 60s were great because Blah blah blah blah blah blah The 70s were great because blah blah blah blah blah The 80s

I was snowblown the whole time He lost a decade He was like I don't remember a decade That's amazing And that little body And his daughter's like dad He's like I don't know what to tell ya He still feels like a dude to me who gets fucked up

On the regular He's taking, I don't know what to tell you. He still feels like a dude to me who gets fucked up on the regular. He's taking mushrooms for sure. Have you ever heard the story from fucking Charlie Kelly or Charlie Day told the story. And it was a story that Danny had told him. And it was they went to a party. It must have been the 80s. And it was him and Schwarzenegger. So Junior.

We're probably on the twins. Twins. Twins. Junior. Had come out. So Junior. We're probably on the twins. Twins. Twins. Junior. Had come out. So I think that was 90s. But he said him and Schwarzenegger walked into a party. And the party favors at this party were your name spelled out in cocaine.

Yeah. That's awesome. And Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger. He had so jacked up. He said, look at mine, Danny. That was a good one, actually. That's tough.

You walk in with a Charlie Day. It's like, well, can I borrow some of your name? Let me get the hard R. Bro, the 80s were, I was, because of the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight, a lot of – I didn't realize that young people don't understand Iron Mike. Like these guys producing the show were like, oh, we know of him. But like they don't know like the stories. And then I started reading up on him. There's shit that I didn't even know that was like – when he fought Buster Douglas, he had a full-blown case of gonorrhea.

He was like – I was in Japan. He was like I was fucking – he said he fucked anything. He was like my criteria was breathing. And he was like I was just fucking He was like I was fucking He said he fucked anything He was like My criteria was breathing And he was like I was just fucking Every Japanese girl I could find And I didn't train at all

And I had gonorrhea And he fucking beat my ass You listen to Lawrence Taylor talk about Yeah The shit he was doing Well they were together too though It was like

You know You see these pictures sometimes It was like Keith Hernandez Fucking Lawrence Taylor And Mike Tyson At the same party it's like that's a lot of coke

imagine if you know they're like trying to one up each other that's all the coke Daryl Strawberry in there Doc Gooden you were in New York in the 80s it was a snow blowing the whole time imagine that crew and then like Danny DeVito waddles in he's like hey guys

he's doing it with them he's riding people around he's got hey guys yeah he's doing it with me up on the chair like one of those two the two-headed conjoined twins when uh when tyson was in prison he fucked and impregnated his like prison counselor like he was i thought he was gonna say his cell mate i'm like what was that but i think i think he was like i had i had uh what's it called conjugal visits like all the time i was fucking like my the the prison guards the counselors i got her pregnant like just crazy shit that really that's why he's taking these fucking fake fights he's gonna pay off all these probably yeah yeah crazy man Did you see the footage of some of the shots where he's just about to hit?

That made me a little... I'm not full-blown like he threw the fight because I do think he just lost gas. He didn't have legs. That's crazy. But in the beginning, he had one combo. And I even noticed it in real time. And they were like, yo, that's it. And he never attempted it again.

I do. Yeah, there is a little something. I can understand running out of gas the last two rounds. He didn't show anything after that one time. The entire fight. Yeah. What are we doing? I turned it off in like the sixth.

What are we doing? There was a video running around that was like he hit him with like a combo. And then they locked up. And he's like, relax, dude. And he taps him on the back. I mean, there's no, the guy, the video was like, it's alleged that Jake Paul said in his ear, calm down. Like, nobody has said that except that fucking video.

And Mike Tyson pats him on the back, so it looks like they have an agreement. I don't know about all that, but they're definitely, in that first couple rounds, I was like, he definitely just did not punch him there when he absolutely could have. I think by the end of it, it was almost the opposite because he was so out of gas. I was going to say, I don't know if I'd agree to a fight where I take a dive where the other guy gets to gloat afterwards about how he could have hurt me when he didn't want to.

I'll take the dive, but then don't fucking run up the score on me. I think he had the quote where I didn't want to hurt someone who didn't need to be hurt or something like that. You're not saying that about me with my blessing. Here's the thing. As the oldest dude here, obviously not mike tyson but i can tell you 10 years ago when i boxed jacob who's obviously not jake paul i could see punches coming yeah and my brain was like get out of the way and my face was like nah yeah let's eat this one your body just doesn't yeah well that's 60 is like 60s old dude i know it's

mike tyson and all that shit but it's like he's also been you know doing drugs and fucking it's not like he's a sharp 60 year old like so there is that side of it but it was strange the like dodging punches is one thing not throwing punches that's like your body is programmed to do as a fighter that was a little weird that's crazy yeah i can understand getting hit it was like there was one where he literally like like he went to i know he went like this yeah and he was wide open that was the shot that could obviously this is in apples and oranges i remember i tell a story like i recent fairly recently now i was in a batting cage and i was like i know every like my body know is my first taste of being like old so i'm like my brain knows what to do yeah i can do i'm doing all, and I was just following everything right back.

I just can't do it. If you just keep going to the cage for a week and a half, it comes back. You see him training? Training videos don't make sense to what we watch. That's true. That one fucking confetti came out of his ass. It was locked in, and he was fading this way. It was there. That was weird. That was very different. It was like locked in and he was like fading this way. It was there.

That was weird. That was definitely suspect. But I also could see a scenario where it was like, don't end this in the first round. I agree with that. Versus throwing the whole fight. You know what I mean? Like, we got to put on a show. Like, I'm going to bury him.

But let me ask you. And then a couple rounds later, you're like, oh, wait, I am fucked. In the conspiracy theory part of it, you have to approach him initially with the idea. And what if he's like, fuck no. Yeah. And then he comes out and goes, this dude just tried to ask me to throw the fight. So that's why it's hard for me.

It's got to be like signed. You give the $20 million back if you say something. Yeah. That's the only way. I heard that he makes like 100%. if you say something. Yeah. That's the only way. I heard that he makes like a 100%. There was a signed document. You're throwing this fucking fight. Don't go too hard on this,

and you'll get paid. But what Josh is saying is you've got to approach him with that before he signs the document. This is what I'm saying. So what if he said no? What if he was like, fuck you, I'm not throwing your fight,

and then he exposes you. They probably sign an NDA before the fucking meeting. Before the meeting, he goes, we're going to talk about some shit you, I'm not throwing your fight and then he exposes you? And then you blow your whole operation. He'd probably sign an NDA before the fucking meeting. Before the meeting, he goes, we're going to talk about some shit. It's like,

I'll give you money for this meeting. You can't say anything what happened in this meeting. But how much money are you giving Mike Tyson? I heard Mike Tyson's down and out.

I heard he has a cannabis operation that makes like a million dollars a month. He's got a successful podcast. That's the only problem. When I heard that, because I thought

there was a chance that Mike Tyson famously tyson famously bought tigers and 20 million got 20 million dollars ah man i mean because i actually think is it not as much as i thought it was gonna be not for not for what ensued and how people are talking about him now unless he was broke if you're broken into money fine but if you have money and now there's all this talk about you either A being old or B throwing a fight but as we know you saw interviews

with him before he's like I don't give a fuck about my legacy and he also said because I guess Holyfield reached out and was like

let's do a trilogy and he was like nah no way you think that's what he said have you ever heard him talk yeah yeah

that's a 30 minute conversation he got hung up on trilogy for an hour straight he's like let me google trilogy i still can't i can't stop thinking about like a little dainty asian girl and fucking a coke help semi-hard rope dick there was. Semi-hard rope dick. There was a story. Semi-hard rope dick. Oh, my God. He's probably trying to get it up. She's, like, sweating.

He's hitting it on the table. He's all, yeah. He's small. What a frightening man. His hearing's dangling. He's the only light in the room, and she's crying already. Already. Hasn't even took the tip, dude.

Apparently when he broke up with Robin Givens, she went on a date with Brad Pitt. Yeah. And he ran into them and was like at the fucking restaurant table, like, I'm going to kill you. And apparently Brad Pitt was like begging for his life. This is not worth it. He was like, we're just running this is not worth it he was like

we're just running lines and we're just working on a show together like please stop he's like i'll run lines to him all of a sudden they're best friends that's an unfortunate situation to find yourself in but i don't think anyone can fault brad no not at all what what do i need to say either way 90s 80s rob Robin Givens is smoking hot. Yeah. So he's like, fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then who's Robin Givens? No, I know.

It was one of his punching bags for a while. Robin Givens. Like 80s, 90s Robin Givens is hot. Yeah, she was smoking. She was in that full. I'm not even going to pretend to know. Robin Givens. Look at her.

Come on. That sucks here. It does? full full I'm not even gonna pretend to know the fuck Robin Givens look at her come on that sucks here it does I'm good I'm just looking at her it doesn't really matter there she is yeah she's hot

I don't know what she was she was like she was like Rihanna before Rihanna yeah that's a good call that's a good call she was hot

yeah man what a fucking time to run though I mean you can't get away with like anything now it was a good time to be a celebrity. I mean, you can't get away with anything now. It was a good time to be a celebrity, I'm sure. Yeah, it sucks being a celebrity now compared to that shit.

It's like, she really does look like Rihanna. It's a great call. Yeah. That's what Rihanna's going to look like. That picture in the blue, that's what Rihanna's going to look like when she gets older. Inch-a-la. Inch-a-la. Express is all about creating confidence through easy, modern, everyday outfits for whatever life throws at you.

Their holiday collection delivers on that promise and then some. It's all you need to help you look and feel your best for everything you've got going on this season, from Friendsgiving to holiday parties to chill nights in. Quality clothes that look good and they feel even better. What kind of clothes am I talking about? Well, of course I'm talking about the perfect Pima Cotton tee. They have tees and polos made from Pima Cotton.

It is super soft, lightweight, everyday wear. They have hyper-shed jeans comfortable for all day and look good to wear out. 1MX shirts, shirts breathable easy care made with stretch best button downs around modern tech suits you saw us do the episode in those we looked hot as hell they are wrinkle resistant and machine washable so you can wear them again and again and again and again and finally they have 100% merino sweaters i am a big fan of sweater season i wear

sweaters basically from november to march uh They are super soft, breathable, temp-regulating, moisture-wicking, and machine-washable. They are luxe without the fuss. Find all you need this holiday season. Every single thing you need. I have searched this website because I have bought suits from it. So they got everything. And you can find everything you need this holiday season. Use code SADBOYSEASONSZN.

SADBOYSEASONSZN. You can even say it to the teller. If you're at the store, they'll ring you up this holiday season. Use code SADBOYSEASONSZN. SADBOYSEASONSZN. You can even say it to the teller. If you're at the store, they'll ring you up fine, too. At Express.com. How's Stuff Island going? It's okay. It's okay? No, Chris is in Philly, so it's like fucking...

I'm doing the cooking show on my own. It's a lot of work. He lives in Philly? He's living in Philly until we're done tires. I i have one more episode with schultz but they wrap in like mid-december and he's on set i mean he has to be there yeah yeah so you're just like there was no preparation like yeah i was saying that and who wants to see a fucking zoom cast dude yeah everybody's over that shit yeah we we do it in a way that you can't really tell because he's using a nice camera on location.

You just told everybody. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, you know. Listen, if you're not watching our show because of that,

like, you can't tell other than the backgrounds are different. It's not like, you know, like in Zoom time during quarantine,

there was a delay. You had to wait on shit. There's none of that. We did a Zoom with, I think it was Colin Quinn and he sat, like, here and the camera was at the wall over there I think it was Colin Quinn And he sat like here And the camera was at the wall over there But it was almost like so great

It was like this is awesome That he's like I'm a mile away Couldn't hear him couldn't see him We did that with Efron And Jeremy Allen White too We landed them and we were like oh my god These fucking A-listers and they were So far away

From the fucking I was like Can you just sit Next to the computer please Like come on man It wasn't even COVID That was just like We're too busy for you

We'll do a show But we're on set And like fuck you They were like two blocks away Yeah They were in New York No Stuff Islands

It's great But it's just not the same Because it's you know I miss it In a way Because this kind of energy You can't duplicate Unless you're in person The timing The fucking You know New Orleans, it's great, but it's just not the same because it's, you know, I miss it in a way. Because this kind of energy, you can't duplicate. You're not sure in person.

The timing, the fucking, you know? I remember I texted you guys and the stuff in the car. The trampolines video. I go back and watch the trampolines video. It's so fucking funny. Tell a story, Chris. Dude, people don't believe that he's like that all the time. Do you know the story? No.

O'Connor got, did he get knocked out or did Trevor Chase kick him out? He kicked him off his trampoline. He kicked him off his trampoline. Dude, I'll just – I don't know how to get to it. I'll just show it to you. But isn't – that's from – Oh, is this it? That's like from a – isn't that from a show or something like that?

Wait, pause this. Pause. You got to see everyone's face. It's – this is one of my favorites. How did you do that so fast? You typed in Stuff Island Trampoline, you fucking retard. Do you have to wait for it to load? Yeah.

The internet here sucks. This is really annoying. It's not only in this building, but then within this fucking room. It's crazy. Yeah, I've met him once. Yeah? It's hilarious. You guys are a billion-dollar company.

You can't get fucking Wi-Fi. It is. That's actually always been our mantra as an internet company with no internet. I'm serious. He's like, get off. What are you talking about? I went to Chevy Chase's house and I jumped on his tram and he kicked me off. It's a real story.

This is not a real story. It is a real story. Stop saying it like it's fucking normal. Here's how you start that story. Oh my god, did I ever tell you this story? With excitement, you absolute psychic. I'm not that excited if I get kicked off of Chevy Chase's train. Why? Start why? Tell a story.

There was a kid in my biology class who was dating Chevy Chase's daughter. And he invited me and a bunch of my friends over to his house. And then we went on a trampoline. And Chevy Chase came out and he kicked me off the trampoline. What did he kick you off? Because I was bouncing too high. He wanted to get on the trampoline.

What do you mean he wanted to get on the trampoline? He wanted to get on the trampoline. So he made an excuse going, you're jumping too high. And then he jumped by himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane. Chevy Chase was like, you're jumping too high, and then he jumped by himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane. Chevy Chase was like, you're jumping too high, get off. And then took his shoes off and jumped on the trampoline by himself.

Yeah. Called a cop. And then it just, the way it cuts. Brilliant. So good. So good. That's a great clip. He's how you start to tell a story.

It's so fucking funny. I'm not excited. The story itself is so good But your anger at his He was so casual And then he jumped on the trampoline You should see him talk through Like a movie review It's fucking gut wrenchingly horrendous

He'll just be like I saw this movie and you're like Alright what's up This is like on a podcast You're gonna eat 10 minutes Bring some fucking energy. And say what was good about it. You'll get to like 8 minute 8

and he's like, yeah, it sucks. We can't post that. You know what we do here? You know what makes us money? It's not reading the paper, fuckface. Bro, that's why podcast it's going great

I miss Chris there's so many like celebrity podcasts and that kind of shit and there's value in those because you get like great stories and shit but when

that's like a real podcast you need to have you need to have that kind of dynamic for a real podcast it's like people ask like I want to start a podcast or like

I got friends and friends of friends that like how do I get going i think the key to a good podcast is having a partner that is so different than you whether it's the way you think your sense of humor you have to have some contrast right yeah some conflict it's just like in writing comedy like the conflict is story yeah without conflict there's no story yeah so if you don't have a natural conflicting co-host you just can't you can't fucking ping pong in each other's opinions and go yeah you're right yeah there's nothing interesting the relationship yeah i think a relationship is important being able to be like shut the fuck up yeah you have to 100 because that and that's what you lack i think when when some of these like

either you're paired with a celebrity or someone you don't know as well or whatever and it's like okay you're gonna be able to tell like behind the scenes stories

and there is value in that but yeah that's why I understand like lady podcasts why are you so successful lady podcasts her lady podcast

is stuff Ireland yeah I know you do thank you remember the one time I made fun of a girl at Barstool? You thought it was you? Yeah. Yeah, what was it?

What? It was it. I mean, what was it? You said, oh, yeah, you said somebody's stories. And it was like my exact story that I had posted. Yeah, but it wasn't you. But it was. I think it's just a thing you guys do here together.

Did I get out of that? Yeah. It is funny. It's real convincing, too. I stuck the landing? Yeah, but it wasn't you. It was just somebody else. I'm not going to tell you who it was, but it was just somebody else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to be specific at all. Jack, listen to Lady Podcast. Jack, you'll come in Talking about Stuff Island Matt and Chains And Are You Garbage Let's go No no no no

I do listen to Lady podcast But then every now and then I like didn't realize I was just like Cause sometimes I just will listen When I get a chance To listen

Like when I've had All my Lady podcasts And then I didn't realize I was like this super fan But now I realize I've watched like Every single one For the past year

So I guess I'm like Accidentally a giant super fan Of Stuff Island What are the Lady podcasts was like the super fan, but now I realize I've watched like every single one for the past year. So I guess I'm like accidentally a giant super fan. It's so vile. What are the lady podcasts? The super fan is unbelievable. We're going to get you a shirt. What are the lady podcasts? I have a love one.

I'm a super fan, I'm telling you. Let's go. Like The Toast. No, I've never heard of it. Giggly Squad. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know that Tana Burner and Paige DeSorbo. Yeah, that's a big one.

The girls love that one. Yeah. I feel like Paige DeSorbo. Yeah. That's a big one. The girls love that one. Yeah. I feel like Paige DeSorbo is like the... You listen to a lot of goddamn podcasts, huh? I know. I don't know. And he's crazy. Are you working on one?

Stop listening to him. I think I've listened to one hour of podcasts ever. I think Serial Season 1 is the only thing I ever listened to. Yeah. And it was Francis Ellis. Really? I got drunk. I missed him. And I wanted to see how this episode was doing and it started and i watched the whole thing it was the only time i ever watched it wait is this stuff island or france

on a different any podcast i've never watched no but what was francis on it's stuff island yeah you're so you watch your own podcast i watch my own podcast for one hour and that's the only time you listen to podcasts it's the only time you know to podcasts. It's the only time I've ever listened. You know what is funny, though? I didn't listen. Francis is scared. I'm gay for a friend. We're off the pool now. He's teaching him how to shoot.

Got in behind him. I didn't listen to podcasts for a long time and then when i did though i think i got better at it because i was like like things that people would say about me and i'm like ah fuck it that's just how i talk but then i was listening it's like oh that you are interrupting too much or you are like talking over people you are telling the stories too long or whatever and it's like oh once you listen to it it's kind of like i don't imagine you know going through your own comedy and like making sure, you know, you're getting better at it. Yeah.

I don't do that either. No, for sure. He definitely doesn't do that. Dude, I'll record a set. I'll record a set. But listen to other people and be like, oh, that, that bothers me or that is better or whatever. I can never listen to my own.

Well, you say you record a set. Yeah. If I record a set, I'm like that fucking ruled. Like that's the best I've done in a while. Have you ever gone back and listened to it? No. Nah.

I wake up the next day, I'm like, delete. I can't imagine listening to my own voice. It just doesn't sound, I mean, it's not something new, but it doesn't sound how it's supposed to sound.

Yeah. I hear myself, I'm like, that's not how I talk. And I should be doing it because I'm working on this bit that's like 10 minutes, 11 minutes, and I'm doing it differently

every time in little, like a microcosm of, of the joke. Like a little area will be different. I'll record. I'm like, you got to keep that. You do.

And all you got to do is listen to it for fucking 10 minutes and you can document that that way. And then you move on to something else. You got to keep that. I have 10 recordings of this one joke. I can't listen to it. Absolutely. Have to listen to your set.

You absolutely. I started the conversation it absolutely have to listen to your set you absolutely i start the conversation saying you have to do that i think that's the switch of like that's when it because like that's exactly yeah yeah it's like it's going from i'm having fun to i'm doing right i am yeah it is a job i need to get better i need to i will make more money i will be more successful so fucking man up and do it. You know? But I'm not saying I'm doing it. I'll do it the hard way. Babies and cocaine.

I'm not a coward. I don't need to study for tests. I'll fucking just rip it, baby. Well, it's nice to always have the little like safety blanket of like, I'm not even trying. You know what I mean? You can't fail

until you start trying hard. That's not yeah yeah no i wish i wish it was like i i kind of obsessively listen yeah when i'm when i'm working on a like especially a long story where so much depends sometimes on those tiny little parts one minute two, two minutes here. Yeah. Yep. Look at him. He's like, yep. I got to get out of here, guys. I'm going to get drunk right now. My girl's like, we have dinner plans. I'm just listening to my own sets. Like, no, I got to.

Josh told me I have to do this. I got to be better. So are you like going out in Austin? Are you like becoming an Austinite or whatever the fuck they would call it? I'm doing more standup than I've ever done in my life. Yeah, I took six years off. No, but I mean, I just hear so much about the city

and I'm like, I think all you guys are just doing comedy. I haven't heard anything about the actual city. No, we go out. There's a bunch of nice restaurants we like to go. It's like the perfect amount of energy. My life is balanced.

Hers is not. He's fully drank the Austin. No, no, no. You were the last bastard. You were the last holding the line and now you're one of these Austin fucking cul-de-sac. You didn't let me finish. He's fully drank the Austin. No, no, no. You were the last bastard. You were the last like holding the line. And now you're one of these Austin fucking. You didn't let me finish. This is like the old Kevin.

Stepping on my fucking words. Go listen to some more podcasts. Yeah, dude. No, my energy like balance of like doing shows down on 6th Street because it's like nuts down there. You're getting your sets in. But we live like 20 minutes out in the south in South where it's like quiet as hell. So I feel content. You know what I mean?

I'm, I'm satiated with, with the energy levels there. She's like not, she's a cat in a car at this point. She's like, I gotta get, we gotta move closer to the city.

Right, right, right, right. It's just, it's definitely not this. I miss New York. I came here and I was like,

fuck this rules. I saw a fire live Saw a fire live? Yeah yesterday One of the Oh yeah There's something on fire There's a fire

Yeah yeah Sometimes you just Burn fire This is New York is the best Building that's on fire Should you hug I hugged

When I was When I was walking here today My hat was up like this And this is how I know It was in the city A homeless guy Tried to push it down for me I was like okay dude I like that I was like I don't need you He was like my hat was up like this. And this is how I know it was in the city. A homeless guy tried to push it down for me. I was like, okay, dude.

I like that. I was like, I don't need you. He was like, your hat's up. I'm like, cool. We owe Eric Adams an apology. Everyone made fun of his 9-11 comment. Tommy's like, New York's the best. You can go in.

The building could be on fire. I also have a 10-minute 9-11 page. Hey, ask Krista Steppenow. It could work. 9-11 can take you places. It works. There's a homeless guy who lays directly in the middle of the sidewalk right around here. The camera just beat off.

I never noticed how tiny your feet were though dude look at those little buddies just go up to 10 yeah just walk uncomfortably to tell people nobody's believe in 10 look at that little Danny DeVito's foot right there are we fucking kidding me? That's an average size foot Are we on? Of course you got the cameras running for this It's a normal size fucking foot Nah

It's not You gotta have a 10 You're not wrong It's like saying like 5'7 is average Like yeah but you're short You know what I mean? I'm 5'10 and a half You are not 5'10 and a half.

Pussies stand up. Pussies stand up? You're wearing your boots with heels. I'll take them off. Okay. What if I took them off right now? Lips it up. I'll tell you.

5'10 and a half. I'm taller than you You are not fucking I mean stand up Boys You both got shoes on So it's not exactly Go back to back Tommy's bigger

Yeah I swear Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah You guys were about as even As I've ever seen A back to back Alright there you go Yeah

And you got nothing with those Isn't it fucking insane That people used to play basketball Like professional athletes Would play basketball And Jordan won It's like They are fucking

It's like you're running On like paper on the bottom It's crazy But they're playing in low tops now Yeah that's crazy Kobe started that He's like these are soccer shoes You guys are gonna Fucking fucking twist your ankles.

Yeah. Now we say bye? Oh. We did all that for that? By the way, just how brutal was it losing to the Mets? Oh, I mean, fuck you, man. What a waste of a season. Yeah, seriously.

Dude, we came out so hot. I was like, this isn't good. I don't want that. You don't want to be that good that early. They were up against like 110 wins. I texted you. I'm like, what would you rather see, the Eagles or the Phillies win? Eagles all day.

Every time. Yeah, you're a football guy. I'm the opposite of that. Well, it makes sense for you guys. The Jets being so bad right now like i'm still right now that's the jets no no no that's a battle right now because the mets just won like i'm okay like this season's not bothering me because i'm still riding high like the mets overachieved like we never imagined so i'm like whatever whatever you know what i mean you know

it's a loser mentality to be happy with an okay season. Yeah, I like that. Look at the Boston guy. He's like, I'm not happy with that. It's a binary season, David. He's like, I'm happy we just succeeded a little bit. It was for you. Imagine if there was a Patriots season where it was like, well, we made the AFC champ. No, look at him.

He's like, yeah. That is. You've been beaten so bad. At least we were, I don't know, having fun out there. We won two in a row. Fuck you guys. What do you think about Salah?

Salah? Yeah. The Muslim man. I think you say his name like a fucking moron. Yeah. You miss him? I mean, he got the... He got... He was not good

But he got fucked Why do you keep asking questions If you wanted to leave? Huh? You wanted to leave so bad But you keep asking him questions What's the trick in podcasting You're trying to

You're trying to find the out I gave you the out And you're real slow right now I was hoping you'd say Something racist We'd go Fuck that Muslim guy We're not

We're not That We're not! That's why you were like, I'm going to say the name like this. See, and there it is. Nailed it. Dr. Laming. Dr. Laming. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.