KFC Radio - Top 5 Star Wars Moments (by Non Star Wars Fans)

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -KFC returns from vacation to a grateful Feits -Feits talks about his new word of the day segment taking the internet by storm -KFC recaps his "vacation" -Do you think you could disappear in today's world? -What's the most depressing job of all time? -Feits shouts out his worst teachers for teacher appreciation week -Barstool DVR: Invincible, Mare of Easttown, and more -Top 5 Things from Star Wars by Two Guys who Don't Really Know Star Wars -Voicemails: What's the worst thing your class did that caused a school assembly to occur? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @nickhammy5 @Jnics415You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you the greatest show of the night! I mean, look, there's a perfect hole for this fucking meat stick. There's your cold open. There's your cold open. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Your boy's back. Everyone must be very happy about that. I saw, I think it was much like everything to do in our lives, you and I, this show.

It was 50-50 people loved it or hated it. Yeah, oh, like. A lot of love. I mean, I hated it. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, we know which 50% you were in for sure. I hated every single second of it. I hated being the host.

The ad reads like me doing it. You did an ad read as a Spanish guy, I think. Yeah. I thought, swear to God, I listened to a clip. I thought it was like dubbed or something. It sounded like a Spanish man. It was Antonio Mendez. Yeah, yeah, you were doing Antonio, and it sounded so good and real that I was like dubbed or something it sounded like a spanish man yeah yeah you're doing an antonio and

it sounded so good and real that i was like oh this like they must have like done some you know nick must have done something he's like no no that was that was just me but the ad reads are like the the the voice ad reads are much like me in the sense they're funny in short order but when you're doing 10 in a week yeah that's a's a bit much. One or two here and there, we get some chuckles. When we're on like our 15 minutes of ad reads for the week and I'm doing Augustus. Why was his name

Augustus? Was he Scottish? No, he was Dutch, right? What is a Dutch accent even? I don't know. It sounded mostly Scottish. It was, yeah, I think that was it. You got a haircut. I did get a haircut.

You look like you're blowing the Long family. I look like I'm blowing the Long family? Yeah, like Howie Long, Chris Long. Oh, it's a flat top? Well, right now you kind of got like a square thing going on, yeah. That's not, I don't, I must have done it bad then. I don't want a square. No, no disrespect to the Longs.

I'm a big fan of all of them. But I'm not a square top guy. You stepped right in there. I don't have the shape. I don't have the physique to be a fucking guy. Yet you believe you have the physique to stand there shirtless on Instagram drinking milkshakes for people. Yes, it's technically shirtless, but I make sure not to show anything. Thank God.

Today's word of the day is crepitate it's of latin origin from the 17th century and it means crackling like when i move my bones crepitate let me tell you right now if you start to show some skin in addition to that for people who don't know you follow follow on instagram at fidelberg he word of day, drinking by far my most hated segment ever. Like, leaps and bounds, the most hated thing I've ever done. Because it's leaps and bounds, the most disgusting thing you've ever done. And that's saying a lot. Because you do a lot of gross shit this man has clumps of protein milkshake dripping from his

mustache onto his bare body while he gives you the definitions of words you're never going to use it's the worst segment in the history it is the worst segment in the history of the internet it's so bad it's the worst but it's so it cracks me up what's the so bad. But it cracks me up. What's the word of the day? It cracks me up. And sometimes you just got to do something for you. I give so much of me to the people. And like, oh, yeah.

But sometimes you got to do something that just makes you laugh. And that makes me laugh. It's just a lovely way to start my day at noon. It's so lovely for you and just the absolute worst. I mean, look at you. Look at you. Look at it dream. That man's going to puke about himself.

It is. It's so fucking funny. And the best part is it is the entirety of his TikTok page. That's all you'll get on his channel is just drippy mustache, shirtless mustache, man. That's all it is from now on, baby. It's just going to be me shirtless catching 52 views. I'm praying this takes off.

It legitimately has 52 views. The most exclusive club in the world. The Finalberg TikTok page. I would venture to guess I have lost followers since this segment started. I think I probably had around 400 TikTok followers. What are we at now? You gained! 512, baby!

You're up! They don't watch it, but they're there. Look at that thing, man. You are absolutely disgusting. I get people who I didn't even know follow me, or they text me being like, you got to stop. Childhood friends are like,

I've stopped telling people I know you. I said earlier that we will never have any sort of Me Too sex scandal here because we are just disgusting. We will never have a female coworker that ever like finds herself mixing it up. Jackie said she was watching it and was viscerally disgusted. Jackie, what a week for you with rap battle gunfights. And what was the second one? What was... Popcorn.

I'm so glad you guys shit on the popcorn thing. The popcorn funnel didn't exactly hit the way you thought it was. The people are all on board with the popcorn. The people are on board with the popcorn. I mean, there's a popcorn company. I forget their name, but a popcorn company. We want to talk about it. You've certainly established yourself in the KFC radio universe with just that big dumb brain of yours.

You fit right in with the rest of us. I think it's brilliant. Well, that's the thing. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. In the podcast, this is disgusting. Please stop. This man is dipping a beef jerky stick straight in his... No, he said, should I fuck it?

And then it's stuck. He said, should I fuck it? I mean, look, it's a perfect hole for this fucking meat stick. There's your cold open. There's your cold open. It's a perfect hole for this meat stick. No, I know, I know, but... It perfectly fits him.

It does fit perfectly. Oh, my God. He's fucking it, folks. I'm going back on vacation. I listened. I listened to a little bit. I listened. Why?

Yeah, I listened to you screaming about cum. That's how you're going to get me to. Fucking smoking. I was like, ah. I oddly had this thought, like, all right, I'm going to come back in and, you know, dad's back and everything will calm down. And this is just an absolute shit show. This is a fiasco. This is worse than when I was gone.

Yeah, you enable me. Yeah, who knew? I got something great about enabling coming up, by the way. Today's episode is brought to you by canva canva is the easy to use design platform that has everything you need to design like a pro so whether you are a professional or whether you are a rookie just starting out canva pro can help you boost all your team's productivity and creativity um where you where it'll give you all the tools you need. I'm so happy you're back.

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That's pricey. That's pricey. That's pricey, man. A little more than Tommy Smokes is $25. We got to get you on your fucking, we got to get you on Canva and start designing some sad boy season type shit. Oh, that's a good idea. And some Saturdays with the boys type NFTs.

Use Canva. It's got 75 million photos, videos, audio clips, graphics. Please continue. Oh, yeah yeah i'm going to to help you speed up and simplify the design process uh with just one canva pro subscription you get everything you need whether you are a expert whether you are a novice whether you know whether you have an art background or not we We just got milk on deck. Perfect. We just got milk on deck. I thought you were like, I was like, what am I going to make you go to Duane Reade?

Never mind, we just have milk here. Okay. Hit that milk. It's going to be on his mustache now. Oh, God. Oh, God. Heaven help me. So Canva Pro right now can get you a 45-day extended trial when you use the promo code KFC. So go to Canva dot me.

Yeah, buddy. Slash KFC. That's C-A-N-V-A dot M-E slash KFC. You'll get a 45 day extended trial where you can start designing things like a pro that fit your budget, fits your experience, fits your time, your tools, everything you need, and then some to start designing like a pro at canva.me slash KFC. Did you miss me? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So weird. I think, you know what it is. I miss you a lot i did you shit i never i mean i really keep like oh you want to just add no i don't want to do a fucking ad i want to say dumb shit you got it so good you got it so good man just come in here and just say dumb shit like that should be like your your bio on social and just say dumb shit. That should be like your bio on social media.

I say dumb shit. Just say dumb shit. It is really amazing that you have a successful life, and you just say dumb shit. I mean, so do I. I basically just say dumb shit first. You say it second. That's really the only difference here. I love that you're doing the put it in and then drink.

Yeah, that's when you're swishing around. Yeah, that's good. That's good stuff, baby. I take so few vacations, none, that it was so weird to be away. I mean, it's the first time in years that I've gotten any distance from this place or from you or anything.

Did you enjoy your time? No, but that's just life. But it was more like... Yeah, every vacation is like, I'm not going to do this again for a while. Totally overrated. Stressful. Yeah, man. It's true.

You need the vacation from the vacation. I also, I lost $30,000 in my vacation. That's a tough one. 30 grand down the drain. How was Mount Vernon? You tell someone who spent 30 grand on vacation, they're not going to think you didn't leave your house. I lost $30,000 on vacation just sitting in my apartment in the hood.

That's my life. I mean, that's incredible. And I can't even imagine. It was car, kids. Car, kids, taxes. Don't do any of those three things. And I got another. Yeah, you really don't. You don't have a car, you don't have kids, and, taxes. Don't do any of those three things. And I got another. Yeah, you really don't.

You don't have a car, you don't have kids, and your taxes aren't. I'm assuming nobody has worse taxes than me because I just don't know what happens. Oh, I know that the state of New York goes for like 10 grand. I just haven't collected. I got a cow for the first time this year. She was like, you know, they owe you money. I was like, yeah, I guess. I heard about that. I heard rumblings. My sister mentioned

something about that, I think. Well, can you get that and just give it to me? Sure. Let my boy hold that. Just send it over there, IRS. Yeah, it was like 20-something in taxes. Like another

$1,250 or $1,250 or $1,500 in tickets. You should just light your car on fire and collect the insurance money. Seriously, I should just light myself on fire. Let the kids collect the insurance money. It's like, I need money fast. What can I do?

Die. Yeah. I need to be murdered, though, because if you kill yourself, you don't get the insurance money? Correct. Right? So, who's going to murder me? I got some stuff going on. Rock, paper, scissors, Nick. I feel like... I don't want to kill you. I feel like you...

I'll... As my best friend, you have to. You know what I'll do? I'll make my... I don't have that. My buddy's the godfather of Keegan. He has to do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good idea. You should have someone else do it. Yeah. And then all my problems will be solved. I'll be dead. The money will be rolling in. I mean, life insurance policies are... People talk about a golden parachute. It's suicide. It's suicide. Jump out of a building without a parachute.

Think about it. I always thought this with rings, too. Life's not going great? I was always a big fan of, let's get this ring insured, and then you lose it, and we collect, because it just blatantly is worth more than what I paid. I never understood why that was the case, but it was just like 10 or 15 grand more than what I bought it for, and I was like, okay. That's a good way to make it.

So let's, 15 grand, yeah, and they're all over it. Ring fraud is like a thing, but I was thinking the same thing applies to my life. Realistically, what do you think your life insurance to my life like realistically what do you think your life insurance policy should be worth what do you think your life's worth no just nothing absolutely like like if so i mean i came into what do i do no no i'm not saying you need it i'm just saying what would it be worth you know no like nothing but no it's got to be worth you know you got to think about your career earnings really so you could keep doing this and you make like this much but the money would go to nobody like like it's actually really fucked up like my dad growing up my dad's life

insurance policy was crazy like someone like i should have killed him for sure my mom just didn't have one and they would both both be like, well, yeah, if mom dies, we don't lose anything. Yeah, you lose a mother, but like – She ain't worth shit. She's a homemaker. She doesn't bring in earnings. And they were both very fine with that. Right.

It's just logical. It makes sense. Right. I mean, but if it wasn't for the equity know, the equity piece, like, you know. And yes, you have your salary that you would earn. But other than that, my life is just not worth anything, you know. Like, if an insurance company took a look, they would be like, $17,000. It's like a long-came poly.

Like, you have to pay us. Right. Yeah, like, you're clearly going to die soon. Like, the way you live your your lifestyle is incredibly dangerous you ever you ever just think about how the other half lives how they feel you ever reach like i reach a point now i'm so old now that i'm like i don't even know i used to be thinking as my esteemed colleague here just chugs milk in front of me like when when you're younger and you like let's say you know you like let's say you injure yourself you start to feel some aches and pains you're like okay i'm young and like in shape i'm just like just struggling right now in the moment

like short term but now it's like that's that ship has sailed this is just me and this is my shitty life now yeah there's no there's no hope that i'm ever getting back to what once was you know you know what i i've actually, I actually very recently realized this. My physical fitness can best be described as when I take multivitamins, I don't piss highlighter yellow anymore. Like, like absorbs everything. My body's like 17,000% of our daily thiamine.

We need it. Yeah. We're going to take it all. We need 16,999%. We're not putting out anything. It's not like, you know, it's like, Oh, that's money you're wasting. You're literally pissing money because you don't actually need all that stuff.

Need it all. Need every single fucking piece of it. So that's where I started thinking. I can't even fathom what it must be like to wake up and feel good and be young and like, you know. Happens though. I think that's what the Rock likes to say. Like when the Rock's feet touch the ground, the devil goes, oh shit, he's up. When our feet hit the ground.

When my feet touch the ground, I'm like, I wish the devil would kill me. Where's the devil at? Yeah. Satan, I don't believe you're real. Come kill me to prove it. I mean, it's a sad thought, though. You know? It's over.

I don't think so. Like, I have a drawer at home that has size medium shirts. And I was like, one day. One day I'll be back. Kevin. What the fuck? I've never known you as a medium person. No, that's not true.

That's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like. Well, that's not even saying, like, you're fat. Like, you're just a big person. No, that's not true. It's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like – Well, that's not even saying like you're fat. Like you're just a big person. Yeah, but I'm not muscular at all. Like there was a time when I was just like around the wedding when I lost a lot of weight and shit like that. Like there were times where I would – it would be like probably a little more like snug or whatever.

But I was skinny enough to put on like a medium shirt that like wouldn't look ridiculous. And I remember thinking – and some of them were like nice, like more expensive and like a nicer brand and i was like one day like uh i'm gonna get back to that and that you know it's been at first it was like a couple months and then it was like all right that was last season all right that was a year ago so you've moved house with these shirts i think that's not allowed i think when you move house you don't get to keep you don't get to bring like the goal shirts anymore. Time for a new goal. When you're cleaning out the drawers, it's time to throw away these. I need to purge everything.

I have so much shit. Because between samples and sponsors and then stuff that we make and then stuff that we buy, I mean, I have an obscene amount of clothes. You're describing about 5x what the average person has. Right. Because it's like, I have... You just have what you buy. It's even more than that.

Because, like, we get more free shit than we want. Yeah. There's stuff that we... Sponsors, people that want to sponsor us. When we make shit, like, here's, like, five samples. Pick which one you like. Well, I still have the other four. And they're nice, so it's like,

I'm not going to throw them out, but I should. You should give them away to the homeless people. I should, but I'm not going to. I do it. I just put it on the street, and it's gone in 10 minutes. Yeah. You put it right there, and it's like I'm not going to throw them out, but I should. You should give them away to the homeless people. I should, but I'm not going to. I do it. I just put it on the street, and it's gone in 10 minutes. Yeah, I need to start doing that. You just put it right there, and it's gone. Yeah.

I live right next to Salvation Army. I'm like, I don't need to take a walk. Someone's just going to walk by this and see it. They come for you. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's overflowing. I need a new place. I need a new life.

I need a new life. See, here, okay, I have something. If I didn't love my kids, I would for sure fake my death and disappear. I would do that. I would go back and repair, man. I'd be gone. I would goodwill hunting you. I wouldn't have come back from this vacation. And I would just go live in fucking New Mexico.

People would find you and kill you on week two of that. Do you think you could disappear? Me? Yeah. Really, though? Yeah. Think about it. Kevinvin there are maybe three people who would care it's easy to disappear when no one cares like there would be three people who would look for me for an hour and a half they might my mom no let's play this out for real my mom wait let's let's let's let's let's do this for real uh let's Let me play this out for real.

Let's play the game What If. Let's play a little KFC Radio What If. It's brought to you by Miller Lite. I like to sit down with you and crack open a Miller Lite and have a day. And if you disappeared and we couldn't do that anymore, I would be upset and I would look for you. For an hour?

So count me as one. I would look for you for more than an hour. No, I don't think so. I think you'd look for me less. Less than an hour? Yeah. I think you'd probably send a text. And then be like, ah, he's dead. Okay. He's gone.

Yo, where you at? No response. All right. That's it. New host. I need a new host. Well, everybody's got their buddies that they drink their Miller Lights with. It makes that special time where you crack open a cold one,

whether you're enjoying a couple laughs, whether you're talking about some serious stuff, whether you're hatching a plot to disappear and start a new life. Who knows? Miller Light makes all of these things that much better because it's the ice cold, refreshing, crispy, less filling beer that for this summer, man,

I went out one night, I went, or I guess one afternoon I met my buddies at a rooftop and I had a nice cold Miller Lite on the roof and I was like this is life. I'm going to have a bunch of these tonight when I'm going to a hockey game. For the first time

the last game I went not even just hockey, but the last game I went to was last February probably Bruins Rangers and now I'm making my return to sports i'll be at the tag team the dynamic the prudential center with john henry feidelberg and frank fleming it's actually gonna be great because he what's gonna be great is that he's not gonna be fucking around to watch the mets game thank god the i when someone invites me to a game, I basically take it upon myself that I think it's fair.

I get the drinks. Yeah. I'll get the drinks and possessions all night. Frank doesn't drink. Well, you have to buy him a shit ton of chicken fingers. And sodas. Sodas. A ton of soda.

No salt. No ketchup. No condiments. He doesn't do any of that stuff. Really? Yeah, no condiments. Just raw dogs. And I think specifically either tons of salt or no salt.

I'm going to guess tons. I think he puts salt on chicken. Like chicken fingers and salt. That makes sense. That's his thing. Yeah. If I had to guess, I would have guessed. So you'll be throwing back some Miller Lights.

Frank will be just slugging some sodas. But Miller Light, it's more like Miller Life, man. The high life. The Miller Light is the way to live. I wouldn't have it any other way. And right now, you can get it delivered right to your door. When you go to MillerL light.com slash kfc you can find all the delivery options to send it right to your doorstep uh so always celebrate responsibly from the miller brewing

company in milwaukee wisconsin it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces so you're not going to get fat while you drink them you're going to enjoy yourself have some laughs and have some moments uh with some ice cold miller If you were, let's say you really disappeared. Okay. First, okay, you think you could disappear? You think you could blend in? Yeah. I don't think you could.

I don't think you could disappear. I'm a Zeggle, Kevin. I could definitely disappear. You what? I'm a Zeggle. What does that mean? That's my word of the day, bitch. Yeah! I could definitely disappear. You what? I'm a Zeggle. What does that mean? That's my word of the day, bitch.

I'm going back on vacation. What is a Zeggle? It's someone who can alter their personality, appearance, or attitude in order to be comfortable in any situation. You are a Zeggle. That is the most despicable, deplorable thing to be, and we are that to a T, brother. My using it in a sentence was, I say I'm a Zeggle because it sounds better than sociopath.

I was going to say it more like, I say I'm a Zeggle because it sounds better than, like, I'm a spineless, gutless, opinionless fucking lemming who will just conform to anything who has no – I will stand up for nothing. Both are good. Yeah. I think that you are – you are too well-known at this point that you couldn't disappear. I'd just go somewhere like fucking – Where? I don't know.

Somewhere they don't know me. Basically everywhere outside of the Northeast. I'd go to fucking South Carolina and be fine. You're also so doppelganger-able that people would be like, that's not it. Yeah. But I always think like, you know, how would you disappear? Because you can't use your credit cards. What would you do?

You know, like what? You can't use your phone. You can't be on the grid. I can use all those things. Because no one will bother looking for you yeah dude my mom there was a time my mom who liked my dogs more than she liked uh the kids um there was a time like the present yeah yeah no but this was a specific instance maddie uh maizey uh got out and my mom came home and she's just like, dog's gone. I was like, I was laying on the couch

watching TV. I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, we were walking to the cemetery and the dog ran away and it's gone. I was like, did you look for it? And she goes, yeah, I did a lap. And then she just came home. And that was it. She was done.

Me and my siblings went out to go find the dog. You found her? We found her, yeah. But she was like, yeah, dog's gone. It was very easy. She went to go, John's gone. I legit think that Duncan used to run away. Duncan now lives with my parents, and you can leave the door wide open,

and he'll run out, but he always comes back, or he has no interest in running away at all. I, he used to run away like every other day at, at, at when I had my house and I was like, yeah, it was,

it was not a comfortable house to be in. I think like, like, like the difference in his life. Like he's like, Oh good. Like I'm not running. I'm not,

I don't run away. It's like, well, he used to run away every day. He's like, well, did you see the house? I was like,

of course I was trying to get away from that shit. It's like, uh, when away every day he's like well did you see the house i was living here of course i was trying to get away from that shit it's like uh when bill burr took his uh like a dog trainer and it's like what's the environment like in your house and he's like well i watch games at night i get pretty excited he's like yeah your dog's sitting in the corner your dog can sense all that energy yeah i mean it's got to be a terrible existence to live with me. Get the fuck out of here. Doors open. See ya. I think, I mean, again, if I didn't, if I can't, at least yet, I'm not going to abandon my children yet.

But if I were to try to make peanut butter and jellies and split. Yeah, that's it. Here's your one life skill. You're good now. Goodbye. You can sustain your life on this. Where would you, where would you disappear to? What would

be your ideal? If you were to start over your life, if you were to officially be like, I'm giving up on this one, which is a great idea by the way, you know? Yeah. Like everything else in life. I always say this about marriage. I think you need to start a marriage. You need to start

a house. It's like you date to figure out the right person. But then you should also get married a couple times to figure out how to be married. The same way you buy houses and fix this one up. You also should get to do that with life. You know? Are you advocating for a rebirth? Yeah, yeah. I really hope that reincarnation and rebirth and shit is real.

Okay. I don't think we have much control over that one no i don't know not at all but what if what if you did what if it was like after so you're an adult you got to live to like 18 right and then what if it's like you live to like 30 and then you have like an opt-out clause where it's like i'm often sorry again yeah like this life is just not good i'm opting out and and nobody in your life gets to really like have a problem it's not good. I'm opting out. And nobody in your life gets to really have a problem. It's just like, yeah, he's opting out. That's like free agency of life. It's not a personal.

It's just a business. Yeah. Because that's why, you know what I'm so sick and tired of? It works, you know? I am so sick and fucking tired of my goddamn loving family. These motherfuckers who just insist on loving me and being close and sharing our lives together do you know how much of a burden that is that's a lot do you know how awesome life is when you're an orphan when you don't have a single person in this world looking out for you who

cares about you who has any expectations for you who wants you to come home for the holidays who wants to go to dinner with you who wants to like see you and your kids all of that is for the fucking birds man do you know how fun life would be if you didn't like i think every goddamn day if i didn't have a family i would be gone gone where the bahamas the fucking oh we said during the pandemic if i didn't have fucking kids man we could have just jetted to some island lived on a hut brought put out two podcasts a week and been living the fucking dream save money here i am with a goddamn mother and a father and kids that i love and all this shit that does nothing but stop me from living a happy life of freedom. The shackles that are upon my wrists and ankles of this loving family of mine.

Garbage, dude. I don't have these shackles. It's pretty good. You say that. You wouldn't just bail on your whole family, though, and disappear on them. Well, no. I mean, no. I'm not saying I would do this.

I'm just saying I could. Could. Yeah. It would be very easy. Like, if you were to just pick up and bounce and be like, I live now in the Australian outback. I have multiple relatives who have done this. Yeah.

Would you do that, though? Would you, like, would you? Like, I'm not talking distant. I'm talking my mom or my dad's brothers or sisters. I have multiple who just opted out. Would you be down with that? What? What if in a couple years, it's like, would you be able to be like,

all right, I am moving to the Almahe Coast, and I will not be here for your wedding. I'm not going to be here for your birthday. I'm going to miss your siblings I'm talking about. Like everybody, you'd just be like, yeah, I'm out now. Would you do that? No. That's what I mean.

No. I'm saying I could. I could. We all could. And kind of shit that holds you back. I could. We all could. And no one would have any problem with it. They'd be like, all right, I get it. Sometimes I... You think so?

Yeah, I am positive. Because you think you're the black sheep of the family. I don't think... If your other siblings did it, would that be cool? I think it would be cool no matter what. I don't think anyone would really care. Well, so that's my other thing, is that maybe this is all self-inflicted.

Maybe my family would be like, just fucking go. Like, yeah, we want to hear this all the time. We want to hear this fucking stick. Go be an orphan, asshole. You know? So maybe I should. It's really the kids. I can't abandon my own goddamn kids.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I had children, it would be my thing. But it really, it just, the bigger thing is that it always. I think what you're looking for here is you're looking for someone to say – like you're like someone who's like dying. You're in a deathbed. Yeah, just killing it. And like I think it was my mom was talking about like with her mother when she was dying.

She's like, you're good. We're all set. Go. Yeah, right. And like you can go. You're dying right now. I'm saying you can go if you want. I need you to metaphorically smother me with the pillow.

I need you to force me out. I need you to buy me the plane ticket and be like, go. If you're looking for permission to die, granted. It is rather narcissistic of me to sit here and think otherwise. Oh, it's exceptionally narcissistic. I think the same way. They wouldn't care. And think otherwise. Yeah. Oh, it's exceptionally narcissistic. I think the same way. Yeah. But like.

They wouldn't care. As a matter of fact, they would be like a real, you know, I always, my mom always tells me I've cried for like three straight years when I was born. And then she says I hit like three years old and I was like the most delightful kid like ever after that. Like never had any problems. Like one like incident in high school where I got like arrested for drinking, whatever. Like other than that, like everything's been, been she's like you've been a picture perfect

child since then and then like 30 hit and it was like now i'm back to being the three-year-old and i think that that my entire family would probably be like yeah just just yeah like like like when you have like a uh a person in your family who's like an addict or like a like a delinquent and And they're like, I just, it would be easier if they were just gone. You know, like I hate to admit it, but God,

I think that's what was that. Oh, that's in Mary's town. Yes. With the crackhead brother. That's what I was thinking. It's like, I hate to say it,

but like, just die already. It would be so much easier. I think that that's, you know, just, yeah, go build your fucking bowling alley in the Caribbean.

We don't care, dude. We don't want to see you anymore. We'd have both seasons covered. Cause I'd have the video rental place up in Vermont. We got to go to Stepping Stone, Vermont. And then we can retire once we open up a video rental store in Vermont. That's going to be the big bucks, baby. Stepping Stone, Vermont for the winter.

Somewhere in the Bahamas for the summer. Or I guess we should do it the opposite way right vacation and noonan yeah also what i'm what i really every time i go through these these like these uh these like meltdowns uh like what my brother my brother always says to me like and it's funny because i just went on quote-unquote vacation but i didn't really i'm always like i just need to press pause for like a couple weeks and then resume and know that it's a fucking vacation, man. We're like the only people in the world who don't do it. And then when I do go on vacation, I just sit around in my hotel apartment and write checks to people. I mean, really just the worst of the worst spending of my money.

So we need Hogecoin, baby. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge hoge hoge hoge hoge hoge hoge hoge hey if you're gonna have this thing up why don't you fucking click the video open so i'll get more than 52 views you want that bitch just run fucking get my views up but ripping off you but what you're saying is um it's i it's making me question what I thought this weekend. So I went to a kid's birthday party on Saturday.

My nephews. Nope, not my nephew. I don't have a nephew. I was going to say, I don't think those are your cousins. My cousins. And he's just like a very young cousin. Most cousins are all in the same window. Not me and this cousin.

So it's just weird. Like, okay, I have a cousin who's a child. But I went to his birthday party in Central Park and they had a child performer there and I was looking at it and watching it thinking, like, this woman is killing herself tonight.

It is the most depressing profession of all time. That's some Big Jay Oakerson shit, you know? You've changed my mind. It might be podcasting. Over the last 10 minutes, I've done some soul searching and think, maybe she's all right.

Dude, it was... I mean, there's only people who listen to our show going, oh, these guys are going to kill themselves tonight. Definitely. She was... She was setting up this fucking part. Like, it might as well, to her, have been MSG. We're in Central Park.

We're by like 93rd and Central Park West. And it was like, you know, to her, it was Madison Square Garden. She was setting up this blanket. It took this woman an hour to set up her stage, which was a blanket. For like four-year-olds, right? It was a blanket. All it was was a blanket. For like four-year-olds, right? It was a blanket. Yeah. All it was was a blanket.

Right. Kevin, blanket. Blanket. And she was pulling the ends and making sure it was just so, and then she hung up like two things between two trees, so it was a little puppet show type deal. All the while she's dressed as a moose, mind you. And then she said like fucking fucking i don't know like axel rose

taking the stage she sat down she's like i got a big announcement everybody this is my first show in a year and i am thrilled to be here and it was fucking cricket smattering no nothing not even the parents we were all just not i'm not a parents. We were all just, not the parents, but we were all just in the corner like, do your thing, Moose. Imagine if someone just said, shut the fuck up, Moose. And then she just played songs as kids didn't pay attention.

And the moment when you realize, I can't even entertain someone who's entertained by grass. Has to be a tough thing. This kid is opting to pick grass and throw it in the air rather than listen to my song. Do you know what my kids

watched the other day? It was a YouTube video where they just counted to 200. I just hear a guy go like, one, two, three, four. And I said, what are you watching, Shay? And she said,

counting to 200. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. Those children who choose to watch that sort of stuff did not even enjoy that Moose's performance. What the fuck am I wearing this goddamn costume for? Singing fucking Puff the Mag Dragon. Just trying to get the adults involved a little bit back there. They don't seem to give a shit.

Like, hey, I'm singing about weed. Don't you guys want to at least chime in a little bit? Nothing. Do you think that that person... Is dead, yes. Hey, I'm singing about weed. Don't you guys want to at least chime in a little bit? Nothing. Do you think that that person is dead? Yes. Do you think like that person is clearly not doing it for like the money? Are they doing it because they like to entertain the kids? Are they doing it because they're like, I'm a musician and I'm playing music for people?

Yeah. Maybe it's not like selling out the garden like I once dreamed of, but I'm like, I just can't believe the people who don't give up on things. You know? Yeah. Like there's so many – Like she should not give up on that job. She should give up on everything.

Her life. At all. I see – I guess we're lucky. Clearly things went awry. We're lucky enough that – Course correction is a funeral. When your life goes that far awry, it's kind of what I was saying before where it's like there's just no going back. There's no course correction.

That's the thing. Okay, it's taken me a while to land the plane here, but I figured it out. Okay. When you reach a point in your life, whether it's your physical body or your mental well-being or your career or your relationship or whatever, when you reach the point where there's no course correction,

that it can't go back to the old way, that's when you probably have to kill yourself. You have to be able to, I always preach self-awareness. The key, the most important key in self-awareness is being able to recognize the point of no return. Where it's like, yeah, my body's never going to go back to what it was. Like, yeah, I'm never going to be that happy person again. Yeah, my job, like, no, there's no way I'm going to, like,

turn it into the career I want it to be. It's over. Okay. Yeah. I thought you were going to go, yeah, I'm going to TikTok sweatshirt when you look down. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes.

But no. But see, think about how funny that is. See, people are clowning BFFs all the time or whatever, and it's like it broke YouTube. Oh But no. But see, think about how funny that is. See, people are clowning BFFs all the time or whatever, and it's like it broke YouTube. Oh, no. It's an incredibly successful show. I just thought that's what you were going to say. But think about that.

You were just staring directly at it. There are people who are trying to become legitimate singers, legitimate dancers, legitimate podcasters, content creators, all that, and just like the TikTok kid and the old weird guy with the dog leashes makes like the biggest best podcast in the world now. Battle crime! Battle crime! Battle crime!

And there are so, and the people who want to play their band, they want to get a gig somewhere and pop punk comes in and plays Irving Plaza like that, you know? And there are just so many people who are out there like, I'm just going to keep on plugging along, even though the BFFs of the world and the Punks of the world and the Barstools of the world are what, like, win. That's a bleak thought for, like, 99% of the world. What do you think,

what do you think the most depressed profession is per capita? Podcasting. You think it's podcasting? No. No, because I think the fucking Jocko Willichicks of the world throw us off our fucking... Who's that? That's that big fucking guy who has a haircut like this or should have a haircut like this.

He's like a former Navy SEAL. Because there's, one, too many podcasts. Two, so many podcasts that are, like, inspirational. Like, I think we're in the minority. That we're the depressed podcast? We just spent 20 minutes advocating suicide. Let's hope we're in the minority. That we're the depressed podcast? We just spent 20 minutes advocating suicide. Let's hope we're in the minority. Segura and Joe Rogan were talking.

I think there's 2 million podcasts in the world. Okay. Let's just pause here real quick. Speaking of 2 million, that's how many views Count to 200 has, Kevin. Count to 200 has 2.. Count to 200 has 2.2. And it took him 7 minutes. And he has 2.2 million subscribers. 839-4041-4243-4245-4647-4849-5051-4243-4245-4647-9849-6277-978-7981-8181-8238-4845-8687-8939-99192-9394-91, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 161, 157, 158, 159, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 171, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 181, 181, 182, 183, 183, 184, 185, 186, 187, 188, 189, 191, 191, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190,. I think you almost stroked out in the 190s there. You're like on a glitch.

I got to repeat. 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190, 190. You became an auctioneer. Do I hear 192? Do I hear 192? Do I hear 193? Let me tell you something. You guys just witnessed podcast greatness.

Like, again, there's someone listening at who who has a podcast they do with their friend where they like script things out and come up with material and pour their heart and soul into it and nobody listens and you just count it to 200 and and we're gonna you know that was that was that was a sponsored segment That just made several thousand dollars. That's insane. The world is not a fair place. We are proof positive. I'm just, in summation, we should be like the least successful people in the world. And somehow, someway, we have something to live for.

Not much. Not much. But enough. I do want to say something that Jack Hartman had just reminded me. Just, again, for the people who don't know, Jack Hartman is just the random YouTube channel for kids' songs that John has now waged war against. Well, actually, part of me is siding with Jack Hartman.

Because I don't know if you knew this. It's Teacher Appreciation Week. Oh, shout out to all the teachers. No, fuck all the teachers, Kevin. The teachers are like the anti-cops in the sense that most of them are bad apples and get all the credit in the world. It's crazy that we still regularly fucking like,

teachers are the heroes. I was thinking about it today. And this is why I like Jack Hartman, because teachers are going to run him out of business. He's going to put teachers in the fucking unemployment line. Because guess what? I learned I was going to get 200. Here you go, fucking.

I'll skip class today. I was thinking about it this morning when I learned it was Teacher Appreciation Week. And I was thinking, and don't get me wrong. Some teachers are un-fucking-believable. I had three of them in my life. What do you really mean by unbelievable? I had three truly great teachers who I still think about, and they worked hard, and their goal was to educate. 99% of my teachers were just babysitters.

Definitely. Like, highly paid babysitters. Definitely. Like, highly paid babysitters. Definitely. It's like, here's your fucking worksheet. Do that. Check into the textbook. Hand it in. That's what, like, it's the difference between teacher and educator.

I'll give you educator appreciation week. That's someone who takes pride in their work. Not someone like Mrs. Pillsbury who used to make me clean out her goddamn refrigerator in math class. And you wonder why I struggle down to 200. Mrs. Tannenbaum used to ask me to sharpen her pencil for her. The sharpener was on her desk. Whoa. What a flex, right?

How about Mrs. Pillsbury? As I cleaned her, she was a fifth grade teacher, as I would clean her fridge, she would sit on her desk and watch me. Mind you, this wasn't during recess nor a punishment. This was just in class. Like the whole class was still sitting there. Learning and you're just cleaning? Ms. Mills would sit on her desk, not cross her legs.

I'd see her hairy, fat muff. The only word to describe a pussy like that is a muff. Do we need to use the M word? I guess we did. I guess we did. I guess that's your point, is that we very much didn't need to use the M word. I choose my words very carefully, Kevin. That wasn't an accident.

Who is that? Your least favorite teacher of all time? Nah. Who's your worst? Nah. Is this bitch Mrs. Tannenbaum? See, I don't even... I want Mrs. Tannenbaum rot in hell.

She's dead and in the dirt, and I hope there's no peace. I hope you experience no peace. This bitch – we used to say there's no B-bomb. It made no sense. We used to say there's an A-bomb and a B-bomb, but there's nothing like the T-bomb. And that, like, the whole world knew that. Like, this bitch sucked. She was pure evil.

She was just the worst of the worst of the worst and i remember i did a a project once and uh i got like a c minus let's call it it was like a bad grade she was like you can redo it like i'll give you a chance to redo it and you can like up your score your grade by a half a grade whatever it. And my mom and my dad were like so fed up with this bitch that like they just did it. They just did the project for me. D plus. Got a worse grade.

With like two like 30 or 40 year old adults just being like, all right, we'll do the fourth graders work for him. This bitch made life a living fucking hell. And I just think about, I think back to teachers like that. How like sociopathic do you have to be to be like, I'm gonna ruin ruin these nine-year-olds.

I'm going to ruin these teachers. That's what most teachers are. I'm going to get about 30 nine-year-olds in this room, and I'm going to make life hell for them. Make it really hard. What the fuck is that? And then when they go home, they're going to have more homework. Even when I'm thinking about good teachers. And maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm the only one who just had, for the vast majority of my life, teachers who just didn't give a shit. But they were like... No, I think that's the most. Yeah, I think you probably get people... The good ones stick out. You have young ones who are like... And then they probably get beaten down by life. And then by the end, they're just an old woman with a fucking bad haircut.

Who's like, this is what cursive is. Just fucking do that. Right. And I'm even counting... Here's the history lesson. It hasn't changed in 200 years. Just take the same fucking notes. I'm even counting in my good teachers, which three is high.

I'm giving credit. I probably had one truly great teacher. And then after that, I had two who were okay. And then everyone else just hated it and didn't want to be there. And I'm not even thinking about teachers who are mean. I'm not immediately counting you as a bad teacher. You are. But it's not even thinking about teachers who are mean. I'm not immediately counting you as a bad teacher. You are. Yeah.

But it's not even people I hated. It was just like, you're not good at this. How about this, though? And it seems like you don't even want to be. You know who I think is the worst? The good teachers. How weird is that? Because they inspire you?

That's just weird. Like Mrs. Miller in first grade, I would call her one of my important teachers. She lived on a, she had a huge lake in her backyard, like a private – like her own lake. And she would invite people over for like a year end or a year beginning party at the lake. That's weird. That's weird. Why? Because you're – like that's the last thing I would ever want to do.

Invite these fucking kids and their strange parents over and now I have to entertain you and i come to work every day and i worry about these random kids who aren't even mine i worry about them and how smart they get you know it's almost like and that's where like i think you're a male it's disgusting and that's where we always say if you're going to be a teacher of young kids you got to be a girl yeah you're doing this if i was doing that if i was like children come to my would be like. Make sure you bring your bathing suits. Right. Put that guy behind bars right fucking now. Taking interest in children.

Water's warm, kids. Come on in. Let's play water polo or some handsy activity. Right, right. Yeah, let's play sharks and minnows. I'm going to grab you. Yeah, it's just. I think the bad.

I don't think you play water polo. Bad? You have a water polo mat for the couple of first graders You better have some small coffins on hand This is the second time now it's happened on KC Radio The imagery of baby coffins really fucks me up

Little coffins are fucking weird I thought you were going to say funny. I thought you were going to say funny, and then it was just like... That just lingered in the air. Missed on that one, my bad. Alright, let's do All right. Let's do top five.

Let's just run through some TV first, and then that will run into our top fives today. Top five is Star Wars. Top five is Star Wars, basically. It's May the 4th. May the 4th be with you day, Star Wars day. All the nerds go hard for their franchise. So we, the Star Wars experts, will be giving our top fives. But the rest of pop culture right now, the rest of TV, have you watched Invincible yet?

No, I heard great things, though. It is so good. It was inspiring you to read if I saw tweets correctly. Well, it's just they got picked up for season two and three. But I – and maybe I'm hoping maybe not because maybe animation and voiceover doesn't take that long. So maybe they can bag them out quickly. But I just don't want to wait. You don't want to wait so bad you want to read?

Well, they're like graphic novels. They're like comic books. It's not real reading. It's more difficult reading. Well, also it's a topic. I don't know how to read a comic book. You can't figure it out.

Yes, you can. I mean, I haven't tried since I was young, but it's why I got out of the game as a kid. John was just looking at the pages. These conversations don't make any sense. The Invincible one, it's called the... it's a word that's like consortium

but it's not it's called like the cos podium compendium it's a thousand pages long what the fuck is that I'll fucking wait for the show because I looked it up and it was like paperback edition $69 and I was like what the fuck is this

it's like a 1500 page book I was going to say I think that's just the combination because Robert Kirkman releases them at single issues and when they put them all together, they sell it as that. Sure. So that's why I'm buying like 100 comics. That's why it's 60 bucks. Okay.

I mean, that makes sense. But yeah, I mean, it's kind of like you watch The Boys, right? Yeah. It's like The Boys. It's very similar to The Boys. It's real life superheroes. So there's just so much death and violence in it. Usually the aliens come and they start to wipe out the city,

and then the superhero saves them. But they just show the old ladies and the little kids getting wiped out first. Faces being ripped off and bones being pulled out. It's excessively violent. It's a great story. It is awesome. I realize the voiceovers are so... obsessively violent it's a great story i mean it is awesome and i really uh i realized the the voiceovers is so i i was kind of like knock it like saying how like how much easy work it is but

like jk simmons is a voice and um seth rogan's a small bit and every every name is basically like a known name and it makes a difference like it really does it's like just as important as regular acting really in a way to have their voice. So I watched invincible, which I like could not get enough of. Like the Mets were just ruining my life every night because every time they were losing, I was like, I am also,

I could just be watching invincible right now. So that, that, uh, and then mayor of East town, we're both on that one. I know you're really on that one. You really love it.

Is your prediction about it? Uh, I I'm, I'm only halfway through the most recent episode cause I had to watch the Mets and that whole fucking thing with the home run being called back. That was wild. Is your prediction just like on a whim or is there something in that episode that really points to it? No, it's kind of a whim. It seems like people are now starting to lean into Evan Peters being the guy.

Who's that? It's the new American Horror Story. It's her partner. The new, yeah. I just like, I just like how she, Kate Winslet plays a role that is just,

she's probably the first woman to ever play this role. Like the disgruntled, divorced detective who's kind of got like a, I mean, she hasn't really shown signs of being a drunk yet,

but she likes to have her drinks. Downtrodden life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we get along. Yeah. And, but so in the first episode, at the end of the first episode or towards the end, there's a weird little something, a little I don't know what it is.

But it's Siobhan, Mare's daughter and her girlfriend, like trying to cuddle. But there's like a pulls away. There's a little weird pull away. And then Siobhan lies to Mare. Like, just I don't think she outright lies, but she just never tells her, like, when they find the kid dead, she's like, I saw her last night. I saw her that night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's in a fight kind of deal. Okay. And then in this episode, you might have seen it already, actually. I saw her throw up. Yes. Yeah, that was weird. I just think that's, like...

Yeah, and they also, the previous, like, the first episode, they really hammer the fact that she ate too many gummies that one night. Oh, in the first episode they did? Remember that? I don't remember that. They're hanging out, they're about to have band practice

or whatever, and they're talking about getting weed, and the girl is like, don't get from the same guy you got last time, that shit was trash. And all the friends are like, maybe it's because you ate 70 of them. And Siobhan goes over. Oh, she's ringing a bell now. Yeah, so they might be hammering

home that she is always drunk or high. I think it was just like that's something. I think your prediction could be right, but almost like an accident. I think it's something like – I don't think – I think it's just like – I think that scene of her throwing up before like a big show is something like you look back on and be like, ah, she was fucking up. She was fucked up with something. They like – they're just doing random weird shit with her for no other reason. Yeah.

But it is – Which I mean like that's possible, right? Well, I listened when you were saying it's very similar to the undoing is that what that show was called uh broad church oh okay yeah i was also thinking of it as undoing as well undoing yeah i mean it's a whodunit everybody but they're planting seeds where everybody could be weird you know the cousin priest weirds me out the the other both priests are clear but like they're almost like it's the same reason why i knew it wasn't frank at the end of like i i saw it's actually so awesome i was at a bar last night like yesterday afternoon and i was talking about

mayor of easttown and i was like trying to get my sister and her friend to watch it and then people like stopped and we're like oh my god mayor of easttown like who do you think it is people going and it's like it's been so long since we had shows like that where it's like people are stopping but even and the undoing you did say all this was like that wasn't that great of a show but people were talking about it because we want something to talk about i can't believe that anybody is i'm trying to figure out the perfect way to binge what do you think about releasing all of the episodes except for the finale. Because this is what happened with Invincible for me. I binged all of it, and I just happened to get caught up

the final week. So I caught up, and then I had a week to read and talk and shit, and then there was the finale. I do think just fighting the binge tide is a battle you can't win. I disagree.

I think all the shows are now coming back to this. What else is week to week? All Marvel, all Disney Plus. It seems like HBO Max is going to be week to week stuff. HBO is always going to have week to week. I think it's just a matter of whether or not the shows hit. Right. But look, if Disney Plus and Marvel and HBO Max say we're doing week to week,

those are the titans. So HBO Max did three at a week-to-week, those are the titans. So HBO Max did – they also did three at a time with Made for Love, which I thought was cool. You got one through three. I think it was nine episodes total. It was Made for Love. Oh, that's the one you were talking about with the – The girl from How I Met Your Mother and the Google thing.

Yeah. Like that was cool. I liked having like three at a time, but then still time to let it breathe. Because I also do – like I like week-to-week, but there also is an element of like three at a time but then still time to let it breathe because i also do like i like week to week but there also is an element of like i want a little bit more like so i'm wondering if there's a combination where you can do like or like i don't like that what if like you know some weeks you get one some weeks you get three like i don't fucking know like we'll just keep you on your toes where could you imagine if you

tuned into mayor of east town next week and it was like three episodes i'd like it in the moment and then it's like chinese food dinners they like it in the moment. And then it's like Chinese food dinners. It was great in the moment. And then afterwards I'm like, oh boy, I wish I didn't do that. So that way less. It's all.

Yeah. It's awesome. And I'm like, I can't believe I just, I overindulged way too much. Yeah. Pig. Yeah.

The, uh, cause like also that would fuck me up. If you did all of them at, for at one, like it would be like Peaky blinders. We're like, you watch the whole show then two years

later you're like wait what the fuck people don't realize too about binging is that like if you if you take like a year or like 18 months in between seasons and then let's say there's 10 episodes and you have 10 weeks of viewing it's a couple more months you watch it in the first day and you have another two years. That means you had one day of viewing for three and a half years of waiting. It doesn't make any sense. No. And then you forget, and you don't remember, and it's not a thing.

I regularly watch Netflix. I have to go on YouTube and find recaps. Right. Netflix doesn't even really do recaps anymore. Which is so stupid. I love a good recap. It's almost the liking week to week is almost the new i like subtitles i think so as well where people are like you're a loser you're a nerd like

just give me the binge and it's like no you're gonna soak it in more you're gonna realize more you're gonna think far more and so much more enjoyable and that's the reason it needs to be the right type of show that's what i think like dramas and mysteries oh yeah comedy you can rip it yeah because if there's no discussion to be had, then there's no point to go week to week. But when there's... Oh yeah, Amazon Prime does week to week with the boys. I think week to week is... All the big shows are week to week.

And I think smaller shows are going to realize that. I think Jeff D. Love brought up an interesting point where he thinks that the streaming services realized with Stranger Things. There's that big reveal at the end of episode 3 or season 3 and no one really cared because no one knew if they could talk about it or not.

I hate, yeah, I'm not like at liberty to tweet about it. You're not going to get the same buzz then. You're not going to get to talk. Yeah, it just goes off like fart in a space suit. You just get to enjoy it by yourself. I watched Stowaway too. You watched Stowaway, too.

You watched that with Anna Kendrick? She's, they go to space and there's a stowaway on the ship, which is kind of crazy because they go, like,

through the atmosphere and everything. He, like, was, like, stuck in the fucking inside the ship. But then they only have enough oxygen for three people

and now there's four. So they got to make all sorts of, like, calls about how to survive and what to do, basically. It was pretty good. It was good. You put something on space in front of me, I'll like it. I'll watch it.

I'm not a very good critic. I'm harsh on everything but space movies. That was a good movie. That's what I did on my vacation. I just watched. I did Without Remorse last night, too. It's awesome. I started that last night.

Ended up watching The Mess Game instead. But I was like, I know exactly what this movie's going to be. I'm going to save it for a time where I just need... Oh, did we talk about Nobody? I think I already mentioned that. Bob Odenkirk. You watched that, right? Yeah.

Awesome. Unbelievable. So good. Some of the ways they came up with death scenes. It's adult Home Alone. Yes. Yes. It's Home Alone alone yes yes it's all alone really is it's rated r hold on really fucking is uh have you seen frank from ireland i started it they actually build it up as like home like there's a scene where i only saw episode one i didn't watch it and i very much enjoyed it and i was like i was like hungover and i was like i actually want to watch this yeah i gotta like

give it some time yeah yeah i'm'm watching The Nevers on HBO. I've watched... That's kind of like Magical Powers in the 1800s. I've seen that one. There's a lot floating around right now that's like, meh, good. Like, it's meh. All right. There's nothing really, except for Invincible.

Invincible blew my fucking dick. And Mary V. Stone. Right off my body. Yeah, Mary V. Stone, too. All right. off my body. Yeah, Mary B. Stone too. Alright, so now two non-Star Wars guys. Top five Star Wars characters, movies, moments, you want to just do it all?

Top five from the Star Wars universe. Okay. Brought to you by Blue Nile. It's Mother's Day coming up. You want to get your mom some nice jewelry. You want to get the mother of your children some nice jewelry. Any of the women in your life, any of the guys in your life,

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promo code KFC. Jackie, if you got where's the last place on earth you would want to get proposed to? Proposed to at? We saw that guy who proposed to his girl at the NFL draft. And, you know, everyone thinks

that's like so trashy and tacky, and it is. But also, they were like the NFL couple. So she probably fucking loved it. It was a ring pop. Proposed with a ring pop on stage at the podium while announcing who their favorite team just drafted. I think that I'd rather die than live that life. But those people were as happy as can fucking be. So actually, let me ask you this. What's the worst, the last place you would want to get proposed to?

And what do you think is the most unique place to you that you think other people would be like oh my god that's awful but you would like find it amazing and like unforgettable the worst place I mean I think a game I want to say like a game but that's such like a cut out answer what about like when you see

in the movies and the tv you always see like at a restaurant yeah I would never I would never want that like you put it in the champagne glass or something, you always see, like, at a restaurant. Yeah, I would never. I would never want that. Like, you put it, like, in the champagne glass or something like that, and then the whole fucking people are looking around, like... But I'm trying to think, but, like, sometimes I like cheesy things, too,

and, like, sometimes I want people to... I want everybody to applaud. That's the thing. You want your fucking attention, but you want to... So what if it was, like, you know, you're back home on the West Coast, you're at the beach, at sunset, was like you know um you're back you're back home on the west coast you're at the beach over at sunset overlooking something and you're in public then and people see it like that right yeah yeah i actually are you are you like a california beach

girl do i look like it yeah i do i'm kidding i is. I absolutely do not think you were kidding. Not even a little bit. But yeah, so you would want a beach proposal? This is already stressing me out. I just don't really think about... You've never envisioned it? Are you one of those girls that you think about your wedding dress

and your wedding day and where you want it to be? No? I don't like planning anything. I don't like planning anything. I don't like planning. I mean, I'm failing out of school right now basically because I just don't. I put off things that I just don't want. You're so young now to be thinking.

Yeah, exactly. But I feel like some girls legit think about this shit when they're like eight years old. Yeah. No, i haven't thought about that but i i i do i do know myself i like some attention and what if somebody proposed at work at barstool sports like what if hank proposed to ria here which could like that's kind of what i mean about the nfl draft where it like it, those things seem trashy and tacky, but Hank and Ria's world,

I'm only using them just cause like they're the only couple here, but like their lives and their world and their relationship is because of Barstool and because that's where they came together. And like, what if Hank in some weird romantic way, but did it at here or on a live show or at something Barstool related, it would kind of make sense. Yeah, you saw one, right?

Well, I was actually going to say, I want to say a year ago, maybe, I forget which, Barstool Classic, someone did it, like someone who was

playing in a tournament proposed to his girlfriend on the course while they were doing it. Was she playing too or something? No, I just think that was it.

So it clearly wanted to be in content. I'm sure he wanted the video out there. What about that? What if your thing was on, like you getting proposed to was like all on. Yeah. What if you went viral?

What if your proposal went viral? It went viral? Yeah. For the clicks. Of course you would. In the office, that's a terrible. If somebody proposed to me in the KFC radio room, I would, I would lose my shit. Why is that?

Why is that, Jacqueline? No, I mean, I love the KFC radio room, I would lose my shit. Why is that? Why is that, Jacqueline? No, I mean, I love the KFC radio room. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. But I just, there's, I mean, this room is this room is a mess. Well, you know what it is? It's like we, it's, you know, it's something that, like, maybe some of the

rookie members should clean up, you know? Oh! Oh! Yeah. Maybe that would be part of your job description is to clean up the studio. Maybe the person whose studio this is and whose shit is everywhere would hire people to clean it up. Yes, I agree.

I am hired. That backfired so quick. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I've got a fucking half gallon of milk now just sitting here. That was your fault. You're welcome. I came prepared.

Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. John was suffering because he's a child. Shouldn't Jackie clean the studio? I was just saying that what if... No, I like it messy. Did you guys hear that out there? No. A possum broke into this

fucking office. Literally? A rodent of some sort? If somebody throws me in this goddamn office, no. Uh-huh. What'd you say? I asked her because that guy who proposed at the draft. Like, where's the place that you think the world would be like, this is tacky and trash,

but it actually is kind of romantic and fits you personally. I think those people who proposed at the draft, they're probably so happy about that because they're like the weird football couple. So I was saying, what if somebody at Barstool proposed? What if Hank one day proposes to Rhea at the Barstool office? Which would kind of make sense because that's like their whole life. And then Jackie said that if someone proposed to her in the KFC radio studio, she would chop their head off and spit in their eyeballs. I never said those words. You'd kill them with your bare hands.

I think the office ruined that for people. Proposing at the gas station? No. When Michael and Holly get proposed at the office, I think it's too much like... Because he takes her through it, being like, this is where we became this. Right, right, right, right.

And I think you're like, ah, yeah, you're just copying the office, which is kind of weird. I also asked Jackie, I said, are you like a... I know you're from California, but are you like a California beach girl? And she said, do I look like it? Yes. She goes, do I look like it? Yes, I do. Yes, I am.

Ever the humble. Ever the humble girl, Jackie. All right, top five, Star Wars. You guys really had no questions about that opossum thing huh yeah what I mean I just clearly had to poop and I was trying to cover up why I was gone for so long

I was thinking you were gone for a long time but also in this place there's just wild shit that goes on there I also like you something must be drastically wrong with you because you only shit like once a week I know I had greens this morning and then chugged some milk Also, something must be drastically wrong with you because you only shit like once a week. I know. You just shit at the office. I had greens this morning and then chugged some milk.

You are disgusting. I'm an animal. An absolute animal. You are the possum. You are the wild animal. Oh, there's a wild animal. I feel like that was the best thing. John Feidelberg. Yeah. I was walking back from the bathroom. I feel like that was the best thing. John Feidelberg, yeah.

I was walking back from the bathroom. I was like, oh, shit, got to come up with a cover. All I had in my bag was that a possum got loose in the office. I'm actually, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it was pretty quick. As my hand hit the door, I was like, oh, we're going to go with the possum thing. It's the only club I got in my bag right now. I guess we're using this one. I was like, all right, we're going to go with the opossum thing. It's the only club I got in my bag right now.

I guess we're using this one. We're going to do the opossum. You could have gotten away with it. I could have gotten away with it, but I concocted this beautiful lie. I had to share it. This beautiful lie. I was like, if they ask what happened, I'm going to talk about the opossum. I mean, at one point I was thinking this is an unusually long pee break,

but poop never even entered my mind. God damn it. God damn you, John. Top five Star Wars things. I'm going to go first pick overall. The lightsaber. Oh. Oh, we're getting real broad.

Yep. Okay. You want to're getting real broad. Yep. Okay. You want to get specific with it? I know four people. How can we possibly get specific with it? We don't know specifics. No, no, no. I like this list.

Mine is Admiral Ackbar. That's that guy. He's like an octopus looking thing, right? The only reason I know him is he was the, he was one of those things back in the day where you would go on a website and like you could just like save it. So like it was like, there was this website where it was just like, it's a trap.net.

And it would just be Adam McBarnock, a million different. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. And we used to regularly just put that on all the computers in the library. Home pages.

Turn the volume up. Yeah. And just watch the librarians freak the fuck out. What is happening? You're a big Admiral Ackbar guy. Love Admiral Ackbar. My number two pick, the Ewoks. Okay. Love those cute little fuckers. Those cute little fuckers.

They are like, I want an Ewok. I had a Shih Tzu puppy when I was a kid, and their faces kind of looked like Ewok-y. So I basically used to just hope, I would pray that he would start walking upright. Just if I had my dog just walking around on two fucking feet. What are you doing now? Are you picking at your nipples? What's happening? That's not where my nipples are.

I got hot sauce on my shirt. Trying to get it off. Okay. Ewoks are great. Great at taking down rec-recs. Huh? No. I just took a stab. I don't even know what that means. What those big long-legged things are?

Ad-ats. Ad-ats. I was fucking close. I can't believe you're knowing any of this stuff. I knew it was a double. I feel like you might actually, after these first two things, maybe you know more about Star Wars than I do. I've seen three of them. No, I've seen four. You've seen more than that. No, actually, okay.

You've seen them all. Not all, but you've seen a lot of them. You've definitely seen the original three. Original three, 100%. You've definitely seen the last three. No, I've not seen the last three. I saw the first one of the last three. I bet you're lying.

I bet you're wrong. I'm not lying about this. I'm not lying. I just think you're wrong. I saw the first one in theaters and i fell asleep it was like a christmas day or like i think it came out around a holiday yeah and me and my dad wanted to go see it and i fell asleep and then um i tried to watch it again when it came out on how many movies have you seen with ray just one one okay uh the first one and then i i've been saying this i feel like when you get we get some distance between it i think that the the first three are going to be the only ones that are really regarded

as like those were good i i saw i think the last three are gonna like even in real time people were like these are kind of all over the place disjointed and then the first prequels that the second three that came out but the first three people like look back on them a little bit fondly now being like oh we were kind kind of too harsh or whatever. But when it's all said and done, I just think four, five, six are going to be the only three that are like, those were good. I might have seen all three prequels, but I was like, excuse me. I would have seen them in theaters maybe. They came out, what, in the early 2000s?

Late 90s, early 2000s? Or just early 2000s? Whatever it was. I was young. I don't remember them. I definitely saw at least one in theaters, I think. The pod racing was terrible. And then I saw...

Actually, the one I did like a lot was the standalone. Yeah. What's that one called? Rogue One, I think, or something. I liked Rogue One. Those are where I think Star Wars will continue to put out things that people like. But I think trying to finish the tale of the Skywalkers and the Jedi and all that shit. I mean, do you like the way it ended, Nick? Bring back the Emperor and Rey.

They kind of undid the whole thing. Guess what? Rey's related to them as well. It was all cheap. In the second one, I know they switched directors, and he went a whole different way with it. But they set it up where she came from nowhere. That was kind of cool. That was the point, was that you didn't have to be...

Yeah, it's like a new origin. Right. And then it wasn't. And they're like, she's palpatine. So stupid. All right. My third pick... Wait, I didn't get a second.

Okay. Okay, my second't get a second. Okay. My second pick... Pod racing. I like the pod racing. You would. It was like Fast and Furious. Very Fast-esque, yeah. It was just a racing movie.

Wait, was it a full movie which was all about pod racing? Not a full one, but that was what he was doing as a kid. I think I might have played the video game. I was going to say the video game was fucking awesome. I think I enjoyed the pod racing. So I'm going to change my answer to specifically pod racing in the video game.

Okay, I like that. They made one for the Xbox Kinect that's fucking awesome because you're like sitting driving and it follows your hands as if it's the wheel. That one was great. I'm going to go with... Oh, it's on my hand. Every time I clean it, there's another spot. I'm like, where the fuck is this coming from?

It's in my palm. I'm so glad you're back because somehow when you were gone, I was the dumb one and now I'm so glad you're back Because somehow when you were gone I was the dumb one And now I'm looking at him And like My third pick I'm gonna go with

The Like the Mandalorian The Mandalorian Race Like Boba Fett Oh I've seen the Mandalorian Well no I haven't seen season 2 I've seen season 1 of the Mandal like boba fett oh i've seen the mandalorian well no i haven't seen season two i've seen season one of the mandalorian so that's another thing i've seen yeah and the star wars thing yeah um again that's where i think they're gonna like continue to thrive where they make like these standalone series and things like that but the like the

bounty hunting the man like that the the helmets are one of the coolest things in all of... Boba Fett's very cool. Very cool, yeah. Yeah, the Mandalorian has a race. Well, you know what? I'll take Boba Fett, so that way, if you want to do other Mandalorian things, you can pick that. I'll take Boba Fett.

I'm not going to do anything like that. Okay. Fine. Well, then, fine. I take them all. Okay, fine. I take them all. Fair.

They're all mine. My number three is when Kylolo ren kills um harrison ford okay that's just in case no one's spoiler alert yeah that's just so it goes on a graphic i mean we're probably pretty well packed yeah we've had two movies since then but i I don't know. Just in case. Just really ruin someone's day. I'd love to think that there's some guy who's just getting to the point. Star Wars thing. He's like, oh, Harrison Ford and my grandma died yesterday. Fuck you, Feidelberg.

It's like fucking they just saw. I like to think that there's someone in the world who has hit play anything on Netflix. And then it played solo. The movie. And he was like, this Star Wars thing, I hadn't heard about this. I'm going to have to check it out. And he started episode one. And he got right to there.

He's getting to episode seven tonight. And I fucking burned him. All right. My was my fourth pick here. I'm going to go with the sound that the laser guns make. Yeah.

Like that is like the original pew pew pew pew pew pew like the definitive pew pew., pew, pew, pew, pew. Like the definitive pew, pew. That's PewDiePie. It's like what the ice of John F. Kennedy rank in Barnesville, Mass. Sounds like. What? I told this story.

Yeah, what was it? It was just like we, it was insufferable, I would imagine, to the parents. Because you just walk around and you slam your stick on the ice and go pew, pew, pew, pew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just all children did in warm-ups. Nick, what were the colors of the lasers? Red. The bad guys were red, right?

Or are they all red? Oh, I'm thinking of G.I. Joe. In G.I. Joe, I'm such a like, I love the color blue, but I think in G.I. Joe, the bad guys' laser guns were blue and the G.I. Joe's were red and it would drive me crazy

that the bad guys were fucking my color. But anyway. You're talking about the Jay and Dana movie? The cartoon.I. Joe's were red, and it was driving me crazy that the bad guys were fucking my color. But anyway. You're talking about the Channing Tatum movie? The cartoon. Oh, okay. Channing Tatum movie. You never watched G.I. Joe, the cartoon? I'm sure I've seen it, but I don't really remember it.

Did you ever have the action figures? G.I. Joe's? Yeah. More Barbies than G.I. Joe's, but... That's not a surprise. No, I didn't. But I did have one picture of me with a Barbie, and I stole it from my sister

because she was going to use it as blackmail against me. I stole it and lit it on fire. Did you really? You burned the evidence? Yeah, I actually don't remember how I got rid of it, but I did get rid of it. Yeah, the laser beams, though, like... So now we're great.

Yeah, that would be great material to have now. Yeah, that would be a little picture to have. Also, you know, like, I'm gay. That could be the way you come out, you know? like like uh now we're great the thought yeah that would be great material to have now also you know like i'm gay that could be the way you come out you know uh played with barbies is gay now kevin oh i like fucking touching naked tit gay true i there was a i would i would molest barbies i definitely there was a very intimate objects you fucking weirdos! I was like, whoa! Call the police! Yeah, listen, not me, brother.

There was a life-size Barbie in my house that was like three feet tall, and I thought about trying every which way to enjoy myself with that. Ultimately, there was no way. I was like, maybe I put it in between the legs or between the arms. There's got to be some crevice in this doll

that I can fuck. There wasn't. Yeah, Jackie and Zach had real fucking visceral reactions like they fucking asked permission from their dildos. Did you get consent? They go home and they open up their top drawer. That weirdo Feidelberg. Can you believe what Feidelberg was talking about today on this show?

Probably share them. Probably swap them. Got any advice on which one I should pick up? Your pick. Samuel L. Jackson. The fact that he, that Samuel L. Jackson has on his, on his resume has like Jedi Lord or whatever the fuck is insane. How did he get that gig? I love when he ad-libbed a sign,

you fucking cunt in episode two. I mean, he has to be the last person I would ever think of. Who is the last person, like last actor right now you would think to be cast in a Star Wars movie?

Kevin Spacey. I think that he would be a good choice. I think so too. He would make perfect sense in a weird way. I gotta find the children and find the force within them. I think prior to Samuel L. Jackson being in Star Wars

people would have been like the answer to that question would have been Samuel L. Jackson you can't imagine him doing some white people nerd shit the fucking way and then he became kind of a beloved one right? am I wrong? they wanted to see him be the ultimate bad guy at the end because

he kept saying, he kept trying to start the rumor like Jedi's have fallen from far heights before he was trying to push that around to tease like he might be coming back. I feel like what if I wish Danny DeVito would be in Star Wars. Oh, he'd be great.

Danny DeVito should be like a Yoda. You know? He kind of just looks like Yoda. Just paint Danny DeVito green and let him rock. Alright, is this my last pick or your pick? I just picked Samuel L. Jackson for my third or fourth. That was your fourth.

Last pick for all the best things of Star Wars. I would pick, I'm going to pick the best thing that ever happened because of Star Wars is Spaceballs. Oh, good pick. With no Star Wars, there is no Spaceballs. And Spaceballs is one of the best, funniest fucking movies of all time. Spaceballs is a movie I watch.

As a kid, I would, very weird. I have weird viewing habits. I didn't see G.I. Joe. I was too busy watching fucking Monty Python and Spaceballs. Oh, Monty Python and Spaceballs. I don't know why you only meant Python. Life of Brian. It's bad.

Fucking Holy Grail. I mean, come on. No one expects expansion and acquisition is one of the funniest things of all time. Nope. Yeah. I agree. Okay, my number five. Fuck.

I kind of just thought we weren't going to get here. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. What's hilarious is nobody's picked Luke Skywalker. No one's picked Darth Vader. The trash octopus. I don't even know. What's that? It's a thing.

It's a thing. I love the trash octopus I think it was cool scary, interesting what movie is that from? it's from A New Hope, it's in it for like 2 seconds then that's not even the thing that tries to kill him they shoot it off, it's like wrapping up someone's leg

yeah, it is, they like quickly shoot it and then the trash compactor tries to like crush them I like when Luke like lives inside that other thing when he kills that thing and hides inside it

for warmth yeah the tauntaun yeah the tauntaun yeah so another thing that we could have had from the Star Wars universes that time Leonardo DiCaprio

slept inside a horse yeah it's like that was totally from fucking Star Wars yeah just got that idea without that scene Leo doesn't get his Oscar Leonardo DiCaprio

is that motherfucker yeah fucking honorable mention Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar idea without that scene leo doesn't get his oscar leonardo's motherfucker yeah uh fucking uh honorable mention leonardo caprio's oscar it's technically number five pick for you is leo's oscar yeah no explanation just put leonardo dicaprio in the in the revenant that's it you figure it out assholes you must listen to figure out how why that that it's crazy that he got the oscar for i i gotta um oh let's do this just to watch those right you gotta get here by five yeah okay yeah never mind i mean i was i was just gonna quickly say how it's gonna leave me but yeah frank might yeah bring my when frank told brianna uh maybe next month i'll do your fucking review yeah you want

to do a cool auto review, maybe next month. Voicemail Center brought to you by Nuts.com. It's the best kept secret for snappy snackers across the country. Snappy snackers. If you are a snappy snacker, you know that Nuts.com is the truth. It is the go-to spot for high quality, delicious snacks. You can get like white chocolate. We're not just talking like peanuts, delicious snacks. You can get white chocolate. We're not just talking peanuts. Talking like white chocolate toffee.

I don't know how to say this word. Toffee. Are you fucking with me? No. Toffee. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm not fucking with you. That's how I say it. Like coffee toffee? Yeah. Okay. Toffee? But even people, like I say coffee, but people don't say, the way I say aw.

But for toffee, you do? Everybody says toffee? I say coffee and I say toffee. What about if you're one of these people who say like coffee? Would they say toffee? Or does everyone say toffee? They definitely might. I've never heard that a person such as that say.

See, I don't even know what toffee is. It's coffee candy. Yeah? I think so. I think it's uh coffee candy yeah i think so i think it's coffee flavored candy i thought it's like a i thought like a bark like a peppermint bar coffee was about the the not the flavor but the the consistency or whatever it is i i toffee is the type of thing that'll break your teeth when you chew it right yeah yeah it's like peppermint bark but coffee right is my guess well they've got that they've got bourbon pecans that's another pecans. That's another one. Do you say pecan or pecan? I say pecan

pie, but I say an individual pecan. Pecan, yeah. You can be like a pecan. That's also something I don't think I've ever had a pecan before. I've definitely had pecans. I've had pecan pies. I've had pecans. I've had it all. How about crystallized ginger and honey sesame sticks? I mean, we're talking

like high level snacks that you just like. That's a fucking old fashioned penny candy store. Yeah, this is. I used to get it Zebs in North Conway, New Hampshire. Now you don't have to go all the way to New Hampshire to get it. Zach has got stuff. I don't fucking Zebs.

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Especially Jackie. So when I was in fifth grade, we had an assembly called to us, and it was because everyone was pulling each other's pants down during recess. I mean, it was an absolute war, every single person pulling their pants down. I just wanted to know, for whatever reason, why did you guys have an unexpected school assembly? Thanks. Bye. That's, first of all, funny because I never had that specifically, but I feel like... Is he describing pantsing?

Or they're just pulling their own pants down? No, I think pantsing. I took that to mean... I like to picture it as students just like kids, like whispers in the hallway like we're doing it today. Like everyone gets out. Everyone at 235. Put your pants down.

Almost like signs. Like, teachers are looking from out the windows. And, like, the kids are all just fucking frozen still, pants around their ankles in the recess yard. Like, what are the kids doing again? The kids are spending an entire half hour. If kids had any sense of comedy and timing they would do that they would do that shit

all the teachers are huddling in their classrooms all together looking at like what do we do now that's where I gotta imagine being a teacher cause these things do happen I love I didn't experience the pantsing one. I mean, we pantsed each other in school, but we never had an epidemic to the point that you, oh, yeah, that ruined your life.

It didn't ruin my life. Well, you just didn't know it. Huh? Because your little dick was out, right? No, I didn't get pants. I did the pantsing. Oh, right. You ruined their life.

Yeah. I did the pantsing, and it improved my life because it was the first time I learned I have the clutch gene. Go on. Okay, so for those who don't remember, I've told this tale before. Sixth grade, I believe, Mr. Fitz, one of the good teachers, gym teacher, but he counted. I pant somebody. The punishment is just obscene and it was

I had my punishment it was he was going to turn me in and which was like you get suspended and this is like him telling me getting me scared maybe it happens

maybe it doesn't I don't know and I end up on a sex offenders list because I pulled down someone's pants in a boys gym locker they also just didn't have any boxers it wasn't like the girls weren't around

it was just in the they had no underwear on though, right? So they're dick and balls around. I think they

had underwear on. I think I just got that with me. Took that bad boy along for the ride. And then my punishment was,

I forget if I had to hit better than 50%. I think I had to hit six out of ten free throws while the kid who I pantsed

sat right there and watched. Sat on the baseline watching fights shoot free throws while the kid who I pantsed sat right there and watched. Sat on the baseline watching fights shoot free throws for his life. I was like, I'm sitting on a sex offender list. Dude, I'm on the line. Like, my mom's going to kill me. I'm going to get suspended from school. And, you know.

One. And, like, hoops is not your game, man. I'm going to get on a sex offender's list. I'm going to have to tell all my neighbors. I'm going to look at a little kid's dick. game, man. I'm going to get up on a sex fitness list. I'm going to have to tell all my neighbors. I fucking look at a little kid's dick. Two. Two. Just ice water in the face.

Fall back. Fall back. Let's fucking go, baby. You're like, you want to go double it up to coach? Yeah. How about this? If I hit 12, I get to do it again. If I hit 12, you're going to show your dick.

Three. Do you know the kid that you did it to? I mean, I don't know, but do you Yes, I do know. Were you friends with him? I was, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like a bullying thing. He was a good friend. He was fine after that? Yeah, he was totally fine. I guess in front of the guys, it's no big deal.

Yeah, well, it wasn't like... If you get pantsed with your dick and balls out in front of the girls in elementary school, middle school, that's the type of shit that could turn you into a school shooter. That's the type of shit you come in the next day with a gun and you mow everybody down. That could ruin it. I mean, I farted doing the sit-ups in the presidential test, and that almost ruined my existence. And then I remember there was one time uh i don't remember the details exactly but i had on basketball shorts we were in gym class whatever

and i i was sitting against the wall sitting on the ground and i kind of i was sitting like this kind of you know just like and my i had basketball shorts on and they like kind of like fell down you know what i mean they're just like loose so they're like hanging there and there was this girl her name was becca she was like the. So they're like hanging there. And there was this girl, her name was Becca. She was like the hot chick. She was like the, like the cool chick. And she was like, oh God, like she like, she can't do this. She was like, oh my God, like put your shorts up, whatever.

And I was like, oh my God. And like in front of everyone and everyone was kind of like, oh, well. And it was just like, because like my thigh was showing or whatever, but I was like, it's not like my dick was out or anything, but I was like, oh my God, this is like the worst experience of my life. Like Becca just dunked on me in front of all these kids for no fucking reason. Put your milky fucking thighs away, you animal. That was almost worse.

In my head, it was like if my balls were hanging out, I would understand her being like, oh, my God, oh, my God. But it was just like, oh, your legs. I can't. My field of vision cannot be burdened by that. That crushed me for a little while. So I feel like if my dick was ever out, you you're you're just a bully, man. I got a friend who's got a stalker right now who said he tracked him down and called his office and was like, this employee bullied me like, you know, 25 years ago. And he's a racist and he's a this and he's a that and

what? yeah like crazy shit and then my buddy like we were talking about it and I was like I saw you bully this guy right and he was like what's happening get over it dude he was like it was 25 years ago he like kissed the girl

that he liked or whatever the other guy liked and it was like something like he he like kissed the girl that he liked or whatever the other guy liked and he was like he was like bro if that's gonna get me a stalker i'm gonna get like a thousand stalkers okay i did it to everybody but uh but yeah yeah you got you know you were a bully you were a bully you were a bully all right so but the question here is uh what the question was um oh any weird uh yeah so so we we never had the pantsing revolution we did have we got yo-yos banned from school everyone was yo-yoing we got the wasps we talked about that a couple weeks ago like anybody who was fucking around with rubber bands you get in big trouble um the girls got spaghetti strap these are all things that you had assemblies with um

we had zero we did i don't know about it i guess the question was assemblies We didn't have an assembly But we had We didn't have anything We would have like an announcement Educators or teachers We were just allowed to do whatever we wanted Yeah it sounds like Well you

Was this like What's it called? Boarding school? No no no Oh there were less rules Yeah because that I understand Where it's just like Whatever man

But I guess we didn't have assemblies, but we definitely had like an announcement over the speakers or like a thing that it was known. It was like a situation. The only assembly I ever remember led to one of the more embarrassing things in my life, which was we had Drew Bledsoe.

Drew Bledsoe came to school, talked about how he was a Patriots quarterback. I was in middle school. He was a Patriots quarterback at the time. And he was just talking about how he got to the league and dedicated his life, blah, blah, blah. And he said the one thing he did that he credited the most to, or I don't know the most, but one thing he did that egged him on towards success was he wrote on all his posters, I will be in the NFL one day. Right, right, right. But one thing he did that egged him on towards success was he wrote on all his posters,

I will be in the NFL one day. Right, right, right. And I went home and wrote, I will be in the NHL one day on all my posters. And it was just like, oh, now I just wait until the checks come in. That's good advice. Step two, write it down. Step three, question mark. Step four, money. But then those posters, I didn't move.

I didn't update my room. Those posters hung well until when I was in high school. And people would be in my room like, why does that say I'll be in the NHL one day? And I'd be like, it's pretty apparent that's not going to happen anymore. I had girls be like, why does that say on your Patrick Waugh poster, I will be in the NHL one day? And I was like, ah. I thought that's all I had to do. Drew Bledsoe told me.

In Invincible. He names himself Invincible. And, like, at one point, Seth Rogen kicks his ass. It's like, you look pretty invincible to me, bro. I don't know about that nickname. I had a buddy who tried to nickname himself Legend in high school. Yo, it was so funny because he was so. Honestly, though, he's kind of a legend high school. Yo, it was so funny because he was so... Honestly, though,

he's kind of a legend for that. Like, he wasn't even with us so much as with his parents. Like, he was trying to get his parents to call him legend? We'd be at his house. What? His mom would yell downstairs,

like, John, come up to clean something or go to the laundry or whatever. He'd go, call me legend. Get the fuck up here. I only answered a legend now. I would absolutely physically abuse my children if they tried to get me to call them legend. He really doesn't give a shit if we did.

He just wants his mom and dad to. That again, that's some white people shit. Like that running joke of like, you know, you must call, I bet that kid calls his parents by his first name. I bet that kid makes his parents call him legend. What a douchebag. All right, next question. How you doing, fellas?

This is the first time I've called in, but I just wanted to try to get some advice. I've been talking to this girl for about a month, a little over a month. It's been going very well. We've already said that we love you and stuff like that. So we've gotten over this. But I was just wondering, how do you guys deal with open relationships? She's mentioned it a few times. I think that's what she wants.

I don't really know how to feel about it I'm more than open to her girls what she wants this guy being like we're a month in things are great what do you think about fucking other people what do you think about being in a relationship while also fucking my guy's gonna call back next month and be like

yo so what do you think about giving bank information to people you've known for two months like come on you can't start talking about open relationships a month in Like, yo, so what do you think about giving bank information to people you've known for two months? Like, come on. Come on, dude. You can't start talking about open relationships a month in. I guess, actually, there's any time to do it. No, no. I kind of disagree.

Yeah. Like, that would be the time where it's like, well, we are now about to, like, you know, go down the monogamy path for most people. But I'd rather not. But it's more, it's just funny to be like, things are going great. There's one little, like, little, little hitch. She likes to fuck other dicks she likes other dicks than mine so I think

the only thing is we can't have a conversation that doesn't end in like can I go fuck that guy I think I would this is all talk because at the end of the day I probably would just be like a little like jealous bitch about it I would be so jealous yeah i would i've actually i've had moments with a girl i think if i was dating a girl and she and she approached me about an open relationship i'd be

like okay and then i would i i would be so down and then i would eventually like be like crying about it but in the beginning a girl saying it to you, I think it's pretty cool. I think it's cool. I think I am not the man who can handle it. No, I agree. I'd be like, can I just do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even then I would feel like. The guilt almost.

Yeah, like, well, I don't even want to do it. I lose the sneaky aspect of it. What do you think, I'm doing this for sex? Doing this for mental manipulation. Just don't talk about it? Ever? I could never. We sex? Doing this for mental manipulation. Just don't talk about it? Ever? I could never. We do not come to agreement or anything.

It just kind of happens. If you were doing an open relationship, would you rather be don't ask, don't tell, or you are aware of everything that's going on? Fucking don't. Kevin, are you kidding? Yeah, I know. Were you asking me that question just to kind of set up something? No, but I think you know how I operate. I think if you're going to do it, though, like, I think the reason why these things don't work is because – I think if you do don't ask, don't tell for that, it doesn't work.

You have to be so secure that you can talk about it and be about it and be okay with it. Come home, have a glass of fucking Chianti and be like, what's that guy's cock like? Yes. No thanks. Yes, but then that's the ones who work. I think if you're going to do the open relationship thing – Yeah, no, I just not – It has to be like you're so genuinely like the same way you're

cool with like if your girl just went out with her girls for the night like yeah go have a girl's night you have to be that level of cool yeah yes yeah exactly not this guy there's that i don't know i just it's and like i'm it's it's it's me it's my problem yeah no it's not a problem it's pretty fucking normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's I lack the self-confidence to be like, go ahead. I think we all do. I think there's a very select few.

But I think they're more evolved than us. I think the people who are in open relationships and are good probably look at people like us being like, you guys are fucking children. Like, you can't get over the fact that, like, she's hooked up with someone else. Like, get fucking over it, dude. You're probably right, but also I think they have mental issues. I don't know. What do you think's more mental issue-y? Being like,

this girl is mine and all mine and we can only fuck each other and we can't, like, experience anyone else in this world? Or being like, yeah, we can't fuck other people. Not fair. Not fair. Objection. You said it in the character you drastically changed tones of voice okay all right what do you think's more ridiculous like this girl is mine she's only mine i can only fuck her and she can only fuck me and that's it

or um um like how would i do it the other way i'd be like uh like yeah you can just fuck anything at any time anywhere you want and have to be like totally okay with that emotionally I honestly think it's a little I think monogamy is weirder coming from a guy who know everyone knows but like it just is not normal it's way more normal to be like yeah we like live together and we really like love each other but also

you can get some dick here and there both of us but yeah anyway that guy That guy's gonna break up with his girl I think you're probably gonna break up I would've said that if you said You just said a month

I love you in a month But that's one of those things You're either gonna break up Pretty messy Or you're gonna live together after There's no in between It's not gonna be like Yeah we dated for three years

And it was fine It fizzled or whatever It's not going to be like, yeah, we dated for three years and it was fine. It fizzled or whatever. It's going to ash and burn. In a house burning down or in like a great love story. Yep. All right. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Roman. So whether you're in an open relationship or a monogamous relationship and no matter what it is, you want to get more.

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Last one, Nick. Let's go. What's up, KSC fights, rest of the crew. Just saw an ad for the Logan Paul Mayweather fight. And I guess that just leads me to the question, would you rather be able to fight, like not to the extent of them, but like be able to beat someone up in a bar fight? Like you're never going to lose a bar fight.

Would you rather be able to fight in that aspect, or would you rather be able to read? I mean, personally, yeah, being like a guy that can beat everyone up is cool, but I'd rather be able to read. Like, I don't know, Floyd Mayweather, you can't read, man. Let me know your thoughts. Is the question here, would I rather be able to fight, but I cannot read? Yeah. Or I can read, or I'm just like me?

Yeah. I mean, that's correct. You know, come on. We got to make these hypotheticals somewhat reasonable. Like if it was – let's say we all just have the ability to read. And it's like can I fight? I have really great fighting skills or really great educational skills. Like if I was a really well read like informed person so either like the greatest intellectual educated person of all time or the greatest like physical fighter of all time like how this wasn't even be like a great fighter it's like you can win a bar fight yeah yeah it's like

so you either can like you know like knock a dude out at like you know uh fucking at like o'brien's pub he'll get a few in. He's going to get a few in, but you might get lucky. But you can't read. I mean, I, but I guess if we're going with my thing where it's like, would you rather be the most like intellect of all time or the best like fighter?

I'll take the fighting. Really? I think, I think again, if the levels that we're talking about, I'm still like myself, like I'm still educated enough. But I'm thinking of, would you rather be like Stephen Hawking type of understanding of the world and shit? Or be able to fight?

I'll take the fighting. I don't even, if it's all the way to Stephen Hawking level, I think that's just too much. Right, okay. So I agree with that. So it almost becomes a negative. So who do you think is like the smartest like who's like a person who impresses you with their smarts and their you know that i mean i went right to bill nye who i guess is up there too but like you'd rather be bill nye or like floyd mayweather i mean i don't know i've been in fights before

they were fun in the moment but like this is what i always say about the fighting thing though is being able to fight you end up not fighting you know what i mean it's almost like i know i can beat the shit out of you that's it all comes down to that to me it's like if i knew that i could beat up anybody in any moment i wouldn't just walk around punching people but i would walk around being like if shit goes down i'm good you know And that just translates into the way you talk to people and the way you carry yourself and the way where it's like, if we're in a bar and this guy steps on my foot and some dumb shit pops off, don't worry,

I can beat the fuck out of him. Your whole existence is different because of that. Whereas I think being... I'm trying to think of a good example of who's really impressive with their smarts. Is there a guy who's like that girls think is like sexy because of their smarts like like the most eligible bachelor because he's like not really right

but you know i'm also just like you know i don't know like pop culture and yeah that's i mean it just i would like as long as i get to maintain my level of intelligence which like i'm okay with i think i'm pretty well informed and pretty like educated and understand things i don't want to be dumb if the question is like do you want to be physically like able to fight or like you're an absolute fucking idiot i will take my intelligence but if we're if we're not going to nitpick and be like would you rather be the top most most educated guy or the top like fighter and i i guess if you're telling me that like if i'm elon musk and i can turn that into like 200 billion dollars okay but if i'm here's what i'm picturing the guy from the how do you like them apples guy from goodwill hunting

it's like okay that guy is like super well read and you know uh has a bunch of degrees and and great uh went to great schools i'd rather be google hunting i've said this before and like i think that i walk around undeservingly as if i've done this so many times as if i can beat anybody up i don't know why i have it in my head that I just like... That's why you ran over to the rap battle the other day just being like, oh, it's not...

Oh, it's a big fight? Who wants to catch these fucking hands? No. I actually want you to get beat up so bad. I... Well...

I don't want you to... I don't want you to be in pain or anything, but I do want you to have to come in... Oh, my God. Could you imagine one day... Could you imagine the scene

Jackie walks in the fucking door and she's like, hey Jackie, whoa! What happened to you? And she's just like, got a black eye and she's like missing a tooth and she's like I got beat up in a street fight. I would be like, oh, I'd be throwing a fucking party if Jackie got her ass kicked. So you, you

Okay. I want you to lose a fight so bad. To lose a fight? I mean, here's, I want you to lose a fight but I also want you to lose a fight so bad. To lose a fight? I mean, here's... But that's the thing is I can't. I also want you to lose a fight. Like, I just, like, I... That's never going to happen because I'm never going to lose a fight. Like, I...

But that's why I want you to lose a fight. Because of that statement right there. But it's crazy. I've been ready my whole life and, like, I've not gotten even slightly in a fight. Because of, like, what? Have you ever been in, like, any, you in any where it's like it might have gone down? No. I'm just like I'm also not a competition.

Like a girl drama? Like my boyfriend's ex showed up and was screaming and yelling at you. Never been in a bar, altercation, never. I'm not like a problematic person. No, but sometimes problems find you. You know what I mean? You've never even been close to a fight. Yet you are.

Somebody come fight me. Assure me you will never. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She just goes, somebody come fight me. It's like somebody is going to come and fight you if you fucking throw that out there. I would love some Puerto Rican chick on the subway to just run your shit.

I'm actually totally gay. The point is that I think that it goes straight to my head. And I walk around, I think like... You wouldn't know the first thing, I don't think. Right? Of how to fight. Are you challenging me to a fight?

Because I'll fight you. Me versus Jackie. I think when you're a girl and you fight like you know the first thing you always see is like these girls like they take their rings off they take their earrings off they put their hair up there's like a like okay it's time to fight and this is what you do as a girl and i don't think you know any of those things yeah but like i'm pretty scrappy like in like in soccer i would you were like chippy you would like trip people and like elbow people.

Yeah, and then I think that... So you're dirty. You're like a dirty fighter. You'd be like gouging eyes and shit like that. You're a scumbag. There's only one way to find out. Yeah, that is true. I need someone to fucking dog walk.

I'm totally kidding. For the record. But I don't think you are. I do want to just test it out like one time. Why don't you go to like a... Why don't you fight Robert Rowdy? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

What's your number for Robert Rowdy? I just, I mean, I... $100,000. I would never want to publicly humiliate myself like that. If I'm going to fight somebody... For $100,000, would you do it? Oh. Maybe.

No, I don't think I could. I think I'm turning it down all rough and ratty. I don't want... I will do that in a fucking heartbeat. Because why? Because you're afraid

you're going to lose? No, you're not. You said you're going to win every fight you ever get. You would want to fight some like... These girls from like the fucking backwoods of West Virginia. You think you would beat to win every fight you ever get. You would want to fight some, like, these girls from, like, the fucking backwoods of West Virginia. You think you would beat them in a fight? Logically, I know I can't, but, like.

Irrational confidence. Irrational confidence. Love it. Are you strong? No. There's, like, no reason for this. You played sports growing up, right? What? You played sports? No. Yeah, there's, like, no reason for this. Like, you played sports growing up, right? What?

You played sports? Yeah. Were you, like, a good athlete? Were you, like, star of the team type of shit? That's a complicated thing. I was, and then I got injured, and it's a whole thing. What happened? Blew out your knee or some shit?

I rolled my ankle, and then I, like, was the best, and then I wasn't, and then I had a little career, and then I wasn't and then I had a little career and then I wasn't and whatever. The point is I was good. Struck a nerve. Yeah, I know. But then... So you were what?

You were on the soccer team? Yeah. You were the star. And then you rolled your ankle? Rolled my ankle. I mean, you need to like... Did you have like surgery? Well, I broke it.

Okay. I didn't break it. Did you just like rest and put your foot up for a couple weeks no it was like i don't know like surgery whatever we don't need to talk about this oh yes we do did you need surgery no so you just like twisted your ankle it was a bone contusion and other stuff with You bruised your ankle. No, no, no, no, no. That, technically, yes. Yes. But it's like a really bad bruise. Okay.

A really bad bruise is the reason why you were no longer the best soccer player on the team. Well, when you put it like that. And the other girl who was now the best, she was probably like a year younger than you? No. I was the youngest on the team. You were the youngest on the team. So you were, were you like called up early to varsity? I made it as a freshman.

Freshman year. So you were the best player on the team as a freshman. But you made, all right, so you made the team as a freshman. That's very impressive. Yeah. And then by like sophomore year junior year you're the best

no sophomore year done bone contusion so you twisted your ankle and never played soccer again

no I had a very very intense injury that required a lot of how did you get injured I I just tripped on my ankle

and and I got a bone to do and that was it career over and like like stacy just shot past you is there a reason but yeah she probably went on to play like for like duke or something like that right thank you thank you for like just drilling this obvious knife in me and twisting it. You started the question and didn't finish it. Is there a reason? Yes, for this. This is the reason. I wanted to do this to you.

This is really... I love this show. So, would you... Do you want to fight Stacy? No, because technically Stacy's my best friend now. I'm actually getting drinks with Stacey. So Stacey you secretly hate. No, no, no, no.

Back then you did that. Back then you did. The girl who blows past you on the soccer team. I don't know why I'm giving into this. I'm just literally letting everybody publicly just sharing my teeth. It's podcast hypnosis. I think it's a real thing where all of a sudden you're just like literally like letting everybody like publicly just sharing my it's like it's podcast hypnosis i think it's like a real thing where all of a sudden you're just like why did i just disclose all that information to the public so stacy like just humiliates you and becomes the best player on the team and now you're now you live with her are you friends with her you said

not live with her obviously yeah and do you guys humiliate me? You guys ever talk about it? No, no. It wasn't. There's never a time where it's like, hey, Stace, remember when you ruined my life? There wasn't a soul, Stacey. It's like the whole team dusted you. Yeah, I guess. And then did you quit? Because you weren't the best anymore?

No, I stayed with it all the way until graduation. This is absurd. Until like right now, basically, right? What? Until graduation of high school, we're talking? Of high school. Okay. If you can see me right now, I'm like so physically uncomfortable.

Did you want to quit? Yeah. Like, what if you weren't the best where you're like, fuck this. This isn't even interesting for people. But, yeah. I disagree. Because I think everybody can kind of relate. Like I remember I, so I got called up.

No, I didn't get called up. So my sophomore year, I was like, my freshman year I played, I started as a freshman, not on varsity, but on JV, but it was like kind of out of nowhere. People didn't like expect it. So I was like, good, my freshman year. And then sophomore year was like my time to like take a step forward. And they were like, if you're year. And then sophomore year was my time to take a step forward. And they were like, if you take that step forward, you get called up to varsity.

And so I had that in mind. And I was like, that was the plan. And then there was a kid a year younger than me who was like, he came up and he fucking dominated. And his name was Albie. And they called him up over me. And I remember being devastated by it. But he also was they called him up over me. And I remember being, like, devastated by it, you know? But he also, like, was just so much better than me,

and I, like, fell off because I, like, stopped really caring and, like, I didn't, like, take it seriously. But I remember being like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Yeah. And at that time kind of being like, I don't even want to fucking play basketball ever again. Even though I was like, no, it's, like, the love of my life,

and I just, you know, I got a bone contusion and Iusion i can't play no that was exactly what happened and then i for years i was like devastated over it because also then it was like my identity and then see this is interesting okay yeah and so then and then it fucked me up because then i disappointed my coach i let him down too and then um but then i slowly just came to like then i was like well now well, now at USC, I was like, I love my life. Thank God I didn't have to play soccer in college. I know. That's the thing. Or else it would have ruined my life.

Sports is like the most important thing in the world to you. Yeah. Until all of a sudden you either like are top 1% and you like do it in college and like beyond. Or it's like, all right, that that was a fun thing I did after school. I think when people go to school when they play sports in college, if you're not a Division I athlete, I think it's

fucking insane. I'm like a Division III football player that your life is run by your coach and your school and like two a days and like instead of just like having fun in college i mean i would i think no you know you're not going pro there's no nothing it's just like but it's people's identities it's like this is all i know this is all i know how to do yeah i'm sure some people just love it and fit to them like

more power to you but i think there's a huge chunk of people who are doing it because like they either have to, or their parents want them to, or they're like, I just don't know what else I even am in this world without soccer or football or whatever. Even that Stacey character plays a role in it, because then you're like, they can't be better than me, and then it

keeps you going. Well, yeah, and I think that there's good elements of it where it keeps you motivated and going and trying, but also it gets to a point where's, like, good elements of it where it's, like, keeps you motivated and going and trying. But also it gets to a point where it's, like, you know, well, I met, like, a ton of cool people in college and have, like, these great memories going out to parties and, like, hooking up and doing, like, I would trap. Like, you could, you don't have to, like, I knew kids, like, during the summer who couldn't do anything. It's like, I, you know, I got to do practice. I got to do this.

And it's like, for what, dude? You're watching your fucking best years go by to play, you know, T3? Yeah. And once you graduate, unless you go to the Olympics or something, you're just left out. That's what I mean. It's like, what's left?

And then all of a sudden, you find yourself a few years later on a podcast just venting about your bone bruise in Stacey. I hate that we're calling it a bone bruise. It was more than that. It sounds like it definitely wasn't. So, you know, it doesn't sound like it's a life-threatening injury,

but somebody out there right now, your grandma, their life is being threatened, and they might die. See you next episode Thank you. Bye.