KFC Radio - Trent and The Guys Reminisce on the Glory Days of Being a Young, Dumb Adolescent Male - Inside Barstool

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Trent and the guys reminisce on the glory days of being a young, dumb adolecent male, prank wars, things you thought were rich as a kid, Trent's solo trip to Hawaii, and much much more Timecodes: 00:00:00 Zack Bryan 00:04:36 Trent Meeting Westside Gunn 00:09:03 Blasting stereos in the car back in the day 00:14:01 Feits' reptile war with his friends 00:20:58 Feits' Yak Manure Prank War story 00:36:59 Box of P*rn in the woods 00:49:54 KFC knows how to have sex 00:52:46 Mechanical D*cks 00:56:41 Things you thought other kids were rich for as a kid 01:08:57 What's your guys' plan? 01:11:39 Trent went to Hawaii solo +++++++++++++++++ Betterhelp: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first monthYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Can you pull the knife out of my back, John? Because everything that I thought was true is a lie. Dude, so his new album, The Live at Red Rocks. I wore this for you. You did? Because it's our Insta story. Yeah. It's so fucking good.

And I'm obsessed with this guy. Obsessed. But he is. It's so funny The live from Red Rocks Where he just Where is he from? Oklahoma

Zach Bryan Like every break in the song Is him just being like Yo it's fucking cold Dude have you seen footage From that Red Rocks concert? It's snowy It's awesome

I was so jealous Of every single person there It is a really Really really good album I I I listened to some of them I actually started listening to them When we were in LA

Because there were Billboards A significant amount of billboards For him I'd seen how much you Instagram story And stuff like that A ton

So I knew I knew he was good I knew he was The kind of music I liked And again I think it makes sense But we're talking about Zach Bryan

Trent is wearing A Zach Bryan sweatshirt And So I think it very sense but we're talking about Zach Bryan Trent is wearing a Zach Bryan sweatshirt And So I started listening to it It was all like four year Grammy consideration Those kind of billboards And I started listening to them I liked it very much And then this came out and I was like oh

I'm a live album guy I like a live album more than a studio album You like when the fans sing along I like that in the background He's like the king of that now Every song that he he puts out and he he's a volume shooter he puts out a ton of music all the time and it seems like and then when he does a concert everyone already knows everyone every word to every single one of those it's crazy it was very very awesome he is he's amazing like i i'm not a huge country guy i never was for the longest time i was a big hip-hop guy

yeah i don't know what this is about i know i know and i thought you were gonna come wearing the g unit uh shirt with the gun holsters i had i have one of those i have this one i don't know who zach bryan is dude you like all right so listen to me because i am just like you where i love hip-hop i've loved hip-hop hip-hop my whole life and then i never liked country just pop country is no bueno no bueno no it got me Into country That was my weed That was my gateway drug Right

To country music Yes But now like I put on Like I listen to Cat country When I'm back home Or something like that

Sure And like it's that Stadium country I'm like what the fuck Was I ever thinking This is Oh that was your I mean I remember

Like it was almost The embodiment of who you were Remember that That party bus you were on Yes Going to country fest That was Kenny Chesney Yeah Kenny Chesney Yeah like country Like Feidelberg became Country fest Yeah It was almost the embodiment of who you were. Remember that party bus you were on going to Country Fest? Yes, that was Kenny Chesney, Country Fest. Yeah, like Fidelberg became Country Fest.

He was dressed like it. He was bashed out on the bus. I remember the videos coming from it. It was like, you are Country Fest right now. That's not the right country. I would have guessed it. I thought he was the Zac Brown band. No, no, no.

And then three years ago, I got really into Sturgill Simpson who is awesome it's not anything like the pop country that you hear on the radio it's just different yeah and then I got into Tyler Childers which is he like Sturgill whatever man I don't want to hear it dude Sturgill produces Tyler's albums and uh Zach Bryan is he was a big uh Tyler Childers fan it's all like this lineage thing, and it's fucking great music. I'm saying that I like it, and you and I are similar with our music taste. Yeah, I know. And I still listen to the dirtiest, grimiest hip-hop music you can find.

Griselda. Yeah, you do. You kept up with new shit. I just stick around and replay the old stuff. There was a lull. You had the guy in the airport recently. I thought that I had no idea. West Side Gun.

Bro, yo, Trent has so many cameo run-ins, like famous people run-ins. It's nuts. 50 Cent. 50 Cent. Shaq. I mean, I guess we'll consider Tiger. I'll throw Tiger in there. Tiger, I suppose.

That was premeditated. That's like a run-in, yeah. But I mean, maybe not run-ins, but you have pictures with, like, the most famous people ever. Not in, like, a studio setting where it's like they came to you. I just run into them. The West Side Gun one was the weirdest one. I was texting you about it. I was an early morning flight to Atlanta, and it was 7 a.m., and I was just listening to West Side Gun to, like, get myself awake.

I drink a coffee, listen to West Side Gun. That's not exactly easy morning listening, you know? I need it. I just need it. It's like a splash of cold water on my face. And I'm listening to him. I'm sitting at the gate. And who walks this way but Westside Gun?

See, those are the things that I'm like, what are the chances of that? That's one in a bazillion. And I just – No, it's not. How so, though? How is that not one in a bazillion? Bro, how often do you get to yell at someone? I'm listening right now. Yeah, every time it happens, I How so, though? How is that not one in a bazillion? Bro, how often do you get to yell at someone? I'm listening right now.

Yeah, every time it happens, I'm like, what the fuck? So that's not one in a billion, then? How often it happens? I know. It's like three in a billion. It's happened to me like three times. So with West Side Gun for me, I've become obsessed with him over the last 18 months. Just obsessed.

I listened to him almost nonstop. And then to run into him at the airport, I almost didn't walk up to him. I, like, levitated towards him. Like, I didn't even consciously stand up and walk over there. I just started following him. And I was literally listening to him. And I walked up to him, and I just turned my phone around. He was like, holy shit.

Because he's also not, like, he probably appreciates that, too. Like, anybody who's like, yo, I'm watching your shit, it's like, I'm like, oh, that's fucking amazing. He thought it was great. he put his arm on my shoulder and we were posing it was the best day ever and it just yeah I don't know like I said I listen to the Zach Bryans but I'm with you where the like the stuff

that was new after the stuff that we listen to that era I didn't love it wasn't something that I was into history will will show that that's a bad era of rap music. Like it's, I genuinely don't think it's like a, like you're just getting old.

I think like there, there, there was like a golden era and then there was a, there was a spike and then there's a lull. I think, I think it was back up. Huh? I don't even know what to call it.

I just, but like there are great ones There's always going to be great ones Like A$AP Rocky, Mac Miller The guy who's trying to throw you through a wall Those guys, there's some good stuff That comes out of that But just like

I can't imagine that It's almost like sports Where there's Errors where there's, you know, areas where there's a lot of offense and then there's, you know what I mean? Like, like it goes through ebbs and flows. I can't imagine that like aging very well. Yeah. And I have, I have a real craving for grimy hip hop and this Griselda, the West side gun,

Conway, the machine, Benny, the butcher, those guys, Benny, the butcher I've met. He's, he's more mainstream. You met, you met him. Yeah. When we went to the Bill's Pats game, like last year,cher, those guys. Benny the Butcher I've met. He's more mainstream. You met him? Yeah, when we went to the Bills-Pats game last year. They're Buffalo guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They came for like, I forget. Oh, because I think Benny the Butcher did something with a part of my take song or something like that.

I think he's Boys with Rome. Oh, that's right. No, because I think he produced one of the P&T. There's video of them in the studio. I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like the most mainstream of those guys. It's what I loved in G-Unit

where it was just fucking guns, cooking coke, selling crack. I went back and listened to G-Unit the other day and it was just like, fucking we're going to kill you with guns, man. The Griselda stuff is different. Bro, they sold a t-shirt with gun holsters attached to it.

It's hilarious. I bought that t-shirt, put it on, and walked around in that. Bro, they sold a t-shirt with gun holsters attached to it. It's hilarious. I bought that t-shirt, put it on, and walked around in it. I had so many G-Unit shirts, G-Unit hoodies, the G-Unit Reeboks. Come on, man. The best. Just a guy from Cedar Rapids, Iowa like, this is it.

This is what I connect to. This is my style, man. This is totally appropriate. If a picture of that leaked right now, that could arguably be worse than the picture of you in blackface i have like what the fuck i actually have a picture of me at a g-unit show that i tweet out every once in a while i'm wearing a gorilla unit shirt and i'm just like holy shit i'm 20 years old and i love this music more than anything it's so weird how that like i don't know why i don't know if it's like watching movies where like you know you want to watch an action movie because it's like something you would never

experience or whatever but like uh that music is like the greatest thing ever to me the best i can come up with is um like testosterone and aggression as a young male like the way that rock and roll kind of did that for an earlier generation where it's just like, ah, let's fucking burn everything down. There's something I feel like in, in the G unit and the gangster rap of that era where they're just so aggressive and they're so angry and cocky and there's so much aggression and testosterone that me with my testicles just about to burst when I was 17 years old. Like,

yeah, this is, this is what I'm feeling inside. me it was the bravado I mean we my whole town had like we once everyone got like their license every you almost knew like everybody's car for sure right you know okay I wasn't sure that was like a thing like I knew who drove the white BMW x5 I know who drove the fucking Mitsubishi Galant. You know. Yep. We have one kid who drove an Impala.

Mitsubishi Galant? That's a drug dealer. Mitsubishi Galant is a drug dealer. Absolutely. That's in a hubcap. That guy's dealing. Yep. But we all would, like, drive around town, fucking, like, windows down, you know.

Did you guys do the subs? The subs. We put subwoofers in every car. We all had, like, the... The system? This was back when you had to the subs the sub we put some System you call like the CD thing would flap down these I felt like I was in a studio bro get it. I was like see the levels going. Yeah, I would change the base Don't know what treble means. No idea. All I know is,

I don't want, like, fuck treble. I don't know what treble is. I don't want a single ounce of it in my music. The first car that I had was a 1985 Chevy Caprice. My grandma owned it. Wow.

And she got to the point where she wasn't driving around anymore. I paid her a dollar to transfer the title to me and we put two gigantic subwoofers in the back and I was the annoying guy at stoplights

where we would just turn it up, and the trunk would... And we would just crank it as loud as we could. It was an all-black Chevy Caprice, and we would just rip around in that thing. Dude, I had my grandfather's old car, but he had one hand, so he had to have a suicide wheel on the car.

Amazing. So I had one of those. I would just throw it, and he'd just knock, so he had to have a suicide wheel on the car. Amazing. So I had one of those. I would just throw my head and lean back, just like a knob, just fucking whipping around like that, just doing donuts in the car. Also, I have to give a shout out to- I've never done donuts, sadly enough. I mean, I'm sure a person who actually drives cars would be like, I wasn't a donut. You were just driving in circles. I was driving in circles really fast.

You were like- It was, yeah, there was nothing like it. fast. You were like. It was. Yeah, there was nothing like it. We thought we were so cool. People were like ripping cigs. Fucking smoking blunts. There was a period of time in my school where kids were just doing ketamine and ecstasy and driving around. I was like, I don't know about this.

We didn't do that. But like put on the new G unit. Ketamine is hot on the streets now. I know. You're ahead of their time Yeah I never I was wrong with you guys

I actually kicked a kid out of my car People called it a special K When I was younger Yes But that was like Before we were even doing drugs I kicked a kid out of my car Because I was like

I don't really know what that is And I feel like If I get pulled over With that in the car Like we're going to jail Isn't it hot in the streets With it'll It'll like help mental illness

Yeah Yeah But like that If you microdose it But it's like Everyone's Everyone just wants to do drugs So we're all just being like we micro dose you want to talk about age do drugs there's gonna be a period of time where they're like and then in the 2020s they said ketamine was

okay the state legalized everything horse tranquilizers the state it's gonna be washington yeah it's all okay it was nope o Oregon did it. Mushrooms are legal. Ketamine's legal. Heroin's legal, I think. We're just like, I mean, it's kind of a loophole where it's not legal. You can't go into a store and buy it. But you're not like- De-criminalized or whatever.

You're not treated like a criminal for it. You're sent to an addict center. The first thing I thought about ketamine was I read that Ru Jude book. Yeah. He loves him some ketamine. He loved ketamine. He likes to roofie himself and do ketamine. Yeah, he would go into a K-hole and just like spin around like that's where i first heard about it it scared me yeah no i was never a ketamine guy but the but just cruising man oh my gosh getting

a cd player in your car was like i used to have the tape with the wire oh yeah you know what i'm talking about yes that connected to your disc man. Of course. And then when I got upgraded, I think for my 16th, or I guess 17th, whatever birthday, I got a CD player put in. Yep. And it was like, my Toyota Corolla can now play CDs, and we are fucking good to go. We would just throw a system and throw shitty rims on any car. All my buddies had the same thing.

I didn't have rims, but some of the kids in my town had nice rims, which was kind of crazy. Like spinners? Yeah, like 20-inch fucking nice. I mean, there were some affluent people in my town. Sure. Parents just paid for it. Just throw them on a shitty Honda Accord? There was a guy who had a Honda Accord who had a fake spinning one, a plastic one.

He almost did it as a joke, though. It was funny. By the CD player error of a car almost killed me once. Because it was... My actual first car was a Land Rover Discovery. That was the biggest... My price range is Rover over there. But then it was...

That broke down every single day. I think those are bad cars. Oh, like awful cars. And it was like, it was the sickest car in the whole fucking world. But like, it broke down all the fucking time to the point I had to, I was like, I was like, can I have Gramps' car? Yeah. Can I have the Buick with the fucking knob?

Because I just want to get from point A to point B. The Buick with the knob sounds cool. Awesome. That sounds like a Paul Wall line. I like the Buick with the knob. Dude, my buddy had a Buick, an old Buick, and the back seats were the knob sounds cool. Awesome. That sounds like a Paul Waller line, like the Buick with the knob. Dude, my buddy had a Buick, an old Buick, and the back seats were the most comfortable seats. They were worn in. They were plush.

They were like a bank shumbo. Yeah, that was the best. And also, they get warm or cold very fast. Instantly, yes. Because they're driven by old people, and they'll die. Right, yes. If this doesn't get the temperature I need to be fast, it's going to be like that. I don't like leather seats because of that.

They get fucking hot as shit in the summer And they're freezing cold in the winter And I'm like what is the appeal of this Give me some good old microfiber So this was when I was in high school I didn't get my license until I was a senior So I was a senior And me and my buddy were in this prank war

And In Portsmouth There's a place called Newport Reptile or something like that. And we just kept fucking buying animals to fuck with each other. Okay. Like animals. Reptile was so in demand in Newport that they had to put up a whole store? I think it was Newport.

It was some kind of – it was right on West Main Road. That's a great question. The logo was absolutely an alligator. I know because I bought a baby alligator. Okay. Okay. And, but I forget what, like, I don't know if it was called a reptile, whatever it was, but it was on West Main Road, like, right by the Getty Gas Station, right across from

JFK Elementary. Someone can look it up. And the, so we, like, he started it, and he bought, like, what did he buy, turtles or fucking something, and put them in my hockey locker. So when I opened my locker, it was just, like, a bunch of fuckies. I was like, what the fuck? That's a great prank. Great prank.

So I followed up with, I put a fucking baby alligator. Mouth shut. Mouth shut. How big? Like, fucking this big. I know you're saying because that's in in relation to the full size of alligators but that's a it was it but like they have like they come with like the clap like the yeah yeah jesus uh hamlet not hamilton either what's his name the h guy i

want to see you keep going not hitler god damn it hitler's talking my head now wait i don't even know what you're trying to say what What are you? Hannibal Lecter. I didn't know either, but I wanted to see where it went. Hamilton Lecter. And then he walked in one day and he turned on his lights. It was like, what the fuck? A lot of what the fuck reactions. And then his reaction to that was he went to the store and bought a bunch of little white mice that they feed to snakes and shit like that.

Maybe a snake was what he put in my locker. I forget. Jesus. But he put them in the – you know, like your CD thing in the car? So I'm home driving, not listening to rap like you guys. I'm listening to, like, fucking Fall Out Boy. Like, we're going down, down. I'm like, you know what time to put on some fucking, like, Chicago was so two years ago.

And I popped the thing open on the center console going out 24 north. And just, like, three fucking mice in there. Red eyes. Red fucking eyes. And I was like, I got him horrified. That's straight out of, like, Always Sunny or something. I can picture Charlie going, ah! Off like that. I get my number one charlie Off the road anything for camp of that camera. Holy shit. It was fucking I was like you'd be fucking kidding me I drove right back to school. I was like I was get these mice out of my fucking car He's like fine whatever he didn't give a shit. He's like a fisherman now in Florida. He doesn't give a fuck about any of this

I'll just handle animals. I'm not a pussy. And he gets the three mice out and he's like, do them. I'm like, I don't know. I can't have them in my car. What'd you do with the alligator? He's just returned it. Oh, okay.

And he's like, all right, I'm just going to let him go. And we let him go. But like, they became like a thing on campus. The white mice. No way. Like, a similar Spanish teacher was like. El Blanco. Yeah.

I forget how you say eyes. Ojos. Rojas. Rojas. Dude. It became like a Did it get bigger? No.

That would be awesome. Yeah. They turned into monsters and started eating freshmen. The only problem with that's unbelievable. The only problem with my grandma's car

that she gave me was that the gas gauge didn't work. So you were just guessing? I was just guessing, and I would always, my buddies would always just see me on the side of the road like, I ran out of gas again. Bro! All the time. That was a problem with the Land Rover, where it would just go, it wasn't broken, it was just, it was erratic.

It would just go, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. It was constantly moving. Right. And I'm such an idiot where I'm like, it wouldn't move. There was nothing. Yeah, come on. I would break down all the time. All the time. I keep a gas can in my car.

I keep a gas can in the car. People take you, like, I'm trying to fucking again. Let's go to the gas station, fill them up, and we'll take you back. Dude, in fact, one time I ran out of gas during the prank war, and I fucking, I called my buddy from the side of the road. I was like, did you put fucking ping pong balls in the car? He's like, I swear. I was like, Abraham, I fucking know you did that.

Did you put ping pong balls? He's like, I swear to God, bro, I didn't put ping pong balls in the cat thing. I'm not at that $60,000 prank level just yet. That prank shit can get. Did you do like a senior prank for school? No. They were always like urban legends. A bunch of my friends were not allowed to walk at graduation because of that. Really?

They were almost not able to graduate at all. What did they do? They did some of the classics. I feel like no one's ever done any of the classics. That's what I thought. I couldn't believe it. Like they fucking paint seven pigs and they do one. I think they did thought. I couldn't believe it. Like they fucking paint, what, like seven pigs and they do one,

let them loose. I think they did do one, two, and four. One, two, and four, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd heard about that. I think they did do that. The fucking Super Bowl drop. They did, they,

but I know the main one was they glued a toilet to the ground like right outside the door, outside the front doors of our school and they put chocolate sauce all over it and I remember that specifically because that's what the principal was so upset about. The chocolate sauce?

Yeah, the fact that they simulated the poop was the problem. And I think they also glued the door shut or something like that. Which then they spun like it was a hazard or whatever. They got in then they spun like it was a hazard or whatever. Oh, come on.

But they got like some fucking trouble and it was like, I just don't like that shit really so I just was like out on the prank. Like I was kind of, it was like my best friends

and I was kind of like, I'm just not going to be, you guys go ahead. Like I don't care but I'm not going to do that and that's like, I just, the only reason I dodged

that bullet was because I was kind of like. I was like you. I was more like the lookout. Me and my buddy were lookout. Yeah, we're the pussies. I'm a pussy. Yeah. Huge pussy. In hindsight we're the smart guys but in the moment, make no mistake, it was because I was kind of like... I was like you. I was more like the lookout. Me and my buddy were lookout. Yeah, and we're the pussies. I'm a pussy. Huge pussy.

In hindsight, we're the smart guys, but in the moment, make no mistake, it was because I was scared. And what my buddies did is we somehow found a bunch of manure, and there was a principal that nobody liked, and we knew where the parking spot was, and they just filled the parking spot with manure,

which is pretty innocent. But then one of our buddies, he went into the school. He somehow got a key. We found a key to the school, and he threw manure in the hallways and that's why everybody got in trouble yeah that's like you can't go it's just like the manure i think somebody opened up a box of crickets in the hallway that's why i've heard of crickets in the fucking it wasn't quite like in the vents but it was just like boom there's crickets now and i was like it's the guy

who takes it one step too far like manure in in the parking spot, they would have been like, all right, that's fine. You go inside and you start putting it around, people are like, well, now we're pissed. And now also you totally fuck over a janitor. Right. It's like the principal doesn't do shit. That's true.

The fucking hourly custodian has to deal with this shit. I think my friends weren't able to walk either. I think that was the punishment. But it's also funny. I was like, ooh. Seems like the biggest deal in the world. Your parents are so mad, so that's the real thing. But it's like funny, like, you know, it's like, ooh. Seems like the biggest deal in the world. And your parents are so mad, so that's the real thing.

But like, it's like looking back, it's like, oh. I would have preferred not to go. Yeah, absolutely. My buddy did a manure one to his girlfriend

at the time, I think. What? Bro, he took- A manure prank to your lady? Bro, he took all the hubcaps off her car. We had yaks on campus. What's that?

Like an animal. Oh. The yak. Like, it looks like a fucking had yaks on campus. What's that? Like an animal. Oh. A yak. It looks like a fucking... Pull up a yak. It's like a cow. A really hairy cow. No, I know what a yak is.

Oh, okay. I just didn't think that people just have them wandering around your school. You just very casually said that you had one on property. No, we had many of them. We had many of them. I'm the one from Iowa. Where are you from? We had no yaks.

This was in Port St. Louis. I had Komodo dragons walking around in middle school. What? They weren't walking freely. They were in cages. They were fenced. What? Even weirder.

What do you mean? That's weird? Yeah. I thought it was like- You thought giant animals were just walking around campus? I certainly thought that- I definitely didn't think they were caged. What?

They're not caged. They're on a farm. We have a fucking fence around it. Did you go to school on a farm? I guess so. There was a significant amount of acreage. And what did the Yaks do? I think the monks just cared for them.

The monks! The who? The monks! The monks and the Yaks! I went to an abbey. A Franciscan monk ran the school. The monks? Did you guys slip acid in this before I came in here?

Because that's insane. I had principals and vice principals. Yeah, teachers. And counselors. I had headmasters and... The Dalai Lama was like... Gandhi was the principal. I'm confused. I forget this sometimes

And it all It really You have to look at Feidelberg Through this lens Of like He went to college When he went to high school

And he went to live With monks and yaks And shit So he's not normal Like while we all Just had parents We went to school And then went home and we had parents

and friends. He just, like, lived at school with monks and friends and shit. And hockey players. So it was wacky, dude. So that's why he has the way he is today. So now just keep telling the story and we'll pick up on the things that are insane. Hey, welcome to the podcast.

I love it! That's what I've been doing for 10 years. Just tell the story and I'll point out the weird shit. Dude, so. Did you hear? He thought that some girl melted her shit. Oh, I saw the clip before I came in here. Unbelievable. Unreal.

Did you know? Would you have known what the boiling water was though? No. Okay. Oh, yeah. So the only thing that came to mind was like, she's got to be melting her shit. Yeah, I guess in that example, I am more on his side. I didn't know that when you – so you pour boiling water into a toilet and that makes it flush?

I think there's either two things going on. I think it's either like the hot water like breaks up, whatever. Okay. Or something to do with like the temperatures like it goes under, like hot goes under, and the cold, whatever, and it sparks the flush. Something like that. She was definitely melting her poop. That would have been my go-to.

She was making molten poop. All right. You got yaks that smell up the campus that the monks are taking care of. In the cages. Caged by the monks. And so my buddy took all four of her hubcaps. His girlfriend, by the way? Yeah.

And had loving notes. It's like a little fucking, what do you even call it? Scavenger hunt. Scavenger hunt. Scavenger hunt. Yeah. And we were kind of following her. Not kind of following her. We were following her.

And she was like, she thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Like, it's like taking that to where their first kiss was down by the river. Girls are so dumb, man. You can absolutely, like, highly inconvenience them for the day. But if you do it in the form of romance. A couple rose petals here and there. This is great. It's like done.

Down by the boathouse by the water. It's like, oh, this is where First Kiss was. And, like, there's a gazebo on campus. And it's like, oh, this is where First Held Hands. And it's taking her all over the place. And it just takes her back to the parking lot. It was right by the yak cage. It takes her right back to the car.

Her upcaps are just in a garbage bag full of shit. Dude, what? Gotcha! Totally, totally gotcha. I just put your stuff in a bag of shit. Just like a massive bag of shit. And she's going to go there and find her hubcaps. So romantic.

She's got you inside a romantic... Just shit-covered hubcaps. And she's going to go through and find her hubcap. So romantic. She's not romantic. Just shit-covered hubcaps. Love you, babe. There's something wrong. She's thinking like a ring is at the end of this. Like a promise ring or something. Ring before spring.

Right, right. And she got hubcaps covered in poop. The action. The action. offspring right right and she got hubcaps covered in poop yeah i would yeah the action i would also say that the the most concerning part of that story is you guys following her and probably thinking like this is awesome yeah like the young males of america as i was previously one you look back on some of the shit that you did and you're like at the time you were like this all of this these steps all make sense every Every single one of them. The love note, the gazebo, us following her, the hubcaps covered in shit.

That's all part of it. That's just life. That's just what we're doing today. And it's totally normal. It's very odd looking back on those days like that. It was so fun, though. It's very odd looking back. It's all like, oh, I'd love to just take someone's hubcaps off and shove them in a bag of shit today.

And to do it to your girlfriend. That is something you do to your arch nemesis. Yeah, yeah. Today. If I did that today, I'd be like, I'm doing that to someone I fucking hate. That's like saving Silverman type shit. Like, we're going to try to break them up.

You know what I mean? You're going to do it to your girlfriend. That is a bag of hubcaps and shit. It's just fucking poor hubcaps. Great stuff. That to me was one of the funnest eras was like newly licensed young men. It's very fun. Yeah.

Where you finally have like a little bit of freedom to go buy things and do things and you just choose very poorly. So poorly. It's funny. I have a nephew who's sort of getting to that age. He's getting to where he can drive now. And I see him at family functions. And he's a nice kid. He's really polite to everybody.

And I see him and it's great to see him. And then I look at him through what I was like at that age and how I was polite at these family gatherings and how I was super nice. family gatherings and how I was super nice and then I leave and I'm a fucking menace. Like a criminal. Like a criminal. I leave and I'm a criminal.

So I just wonder if he's pulling the wool over my eyes because he does all the right things and then he leaves and I'm like, I bet he's going to go volunteer at the soup kitchen. But instead he's going to be putting hubcaps and shit in a bag and being like, this is the best day ever. I just think that's so interesting. While you're thinking that he's going to be putting hubcaps and shit in a bag and being like this is the best day ever i just think that's so interesting and while you're thinking that he's the nicest

gentleman and all this stuff and he's sitting there calculating he's like how close are me and that cousin like i know she's kind of hot no i'm not oh he's doing he's doing cousin math we're like could we try i don't know right? I don't know. Shred was about to say something totally different, and Fidelberg goes, she's kind of hot. I tried to grab my words out of the air. Disagree with that. Don't agree with Fidelberg before he gets his whole point out. That's a good lesson.

Always let Fidelberg finish his thought before you agree. Because I was thinking like he's probably – You'll find yourself in dangerous waters. Because I was thinking he's probably thinking, where can we get weed? Who's the guy who has weed right now? But instead, you can finish your thought. Everyone had that cousin where you're like,

is she like a cousin? Like, dad, dad, is Uncle Andy blood or is he just like your high school buddy? Because that's an important question. Never mind, never mind. I'll talk to you in a minute.

We'll suss it out in about five minutes. It's just interesting because I just know, you just know how teenage males in particular are. See, this is what sucks though. And this is why I think girls ultimately blow. Girls don't do this, right? Girls don't do this. Aren't you guys just really mean to each other, like, psychologically? Yeah, you guys just torture each other, and you, like, you want

boyfriends. You just really want boyfriends, and you torture each other. No, that's not true. Girls did fun stuff. Like, girls are never running from the cops. Right, like, what we did one of the times when we did... Girls are never, like, doing anything dangerous. If you run from the cops, it's because a man Put a party together

That's right, it's like a man blew something up Or put a party Like we were blasting off firecrackers It's because a man was like, you know what, from the 12th hole The cops can't get to us there It turns out they can't Like we used to do We only had one pair of boxing gloves

We couldn't afford another one or whatever but we would just each guy would put on one hand yeah put the hand behind your back like tie it back there and then just beat the fuck out of each other like that was awesome that was we did we did locker boxing where it's just like you put on a hockey helmet and you had your gloves yeah and we would just do it anyway it was called locker boxing it mostly happened in locker rooms but like it happened in my garage all the time. It happened in my backyard pretty often. If we were to just punch each other in the head right now for a few minutes, it would be awful.

It would be horrible. I call it a sick work for at least two months. I call it a work sick. I was playing with the kids the other day. I was at a playground. We were playing tag. And I don't know who I thought thought i was i decided to start doing parkour to try to not get tagged yeah and i jumped off the top of a fucking like the jungle gym at

the playground and i have a fucking like oh yeah you got skin looks like you got some bruises there when's the last time you skinned your knees? Recently. Well, you're not normal. Why did you skin your knees? I was sliding at a wedding. Oh, yeah. A showman. Yeah, yeah. Was it a shout? No, actually, it wasn't even a wedding.

It was after the rehearsal dinner. Naturally. I had to party at the house. And that didn't work, so I jumped in the pool, and no one did that either. I was like, all right, I'm just going to go to bed. Wow, that's tough. Yeah, yeah. Come on, guys. They all just stood around the pool, and no one did that either. I was like, all right, I'm just going to go back. Wow, that's tough. Yeah, yeah. Come on, guys.

They all just stood around the pool. Yeah, because they're not differently in your mind, I would imagine. Yeah, because you know what? High school guys would have done it. Not anymore. It is that sense of invincibility. Yeah. When I fell, I was like, and I had to pop up.

I didn't embarrass myself in front of my offspring. But they were like, are you okay, Daddy? And I was like, I'm fine. Daddies don't get hurt. Yeah. I mean, things like skinning your knees, getting the wind knocked out of you, just straight up getting punched in the face. None of that stuff happens anymore.

I miss that sense. Even a good fucking dead arm. Take it easy. That's what I mean. If someone were to give you a full, you know, one of the knuckles, and you would just be bruised from head to toe from age 13 to 21, whatever. And that was just life. Yeah, for sure.

I am kind of this buddy still, and I have a buddy who's also like that, and it sucks when we hang out. I still like the rough house because I don't like A surprise rough housing Where he'll just be like Let's go Turn around dude I wasn't ready I wasn't ready

Like when YP We'd be like Yes You wanna wrestle Of course Let's wrestle Those are stuff I love watching those

But like when someone Just hits you We talked about it On Son of a Boy Dad The other day Where like Someone Someone slapped me

During sex And I was like don't ever do that again. I will fucking kill you. If I was 16 you're like yo one day you're gonna get fucking really pissed at a beautiful woman who hits you during sex. I'm like you're an idiot. I'll sign up for that right now.

Never again. I will do that to you and that's how that's a one way street and that's it man. Don't ever do that again. I will do that to you. And that's how that, that's a one-way street. And that's it, man. Don't ever do that again. It hurts so bad. I'd rather get punched in the face. My ears are ringing and my face is stinging.

You guys want this? A punch is fine. Like, I could take a punch. A slap. I do not like being slapped. I got, dude, it's probably my freshman year. I got like out of movies. My freshman year, I was, I think I kind of volunteered for it.

To get slapped? No, to get punched. To get pink bellied. Were they just like five star on your- Pink bellied? Yeah. Oh, I've never had that done to me. What's that?

You ever had a pink belly? No. Dude, it's not fun. I can't imagine it would be. It's like you just get like held down and they lift up your shirt. Oh, like the awful waffle? They just lift up your shirt and just keep slapping you in your belly. It's like fun. I can't imagine it would be. It's like you just get held down and they lift up your shirt. Oh, like the awful waffle? They just lift up your shirt and just keep slapping you in the belly. It's like a gang initiation.

It is. And you know what's the most embarrassing part? What? This is for the cross-country team. You did it? I did cross-country my freshman year to train for hockey. Got shin splints immediately. And didn't run for like three months.

Dude, if you guys were to hold me down and give me five stars all over my belly, I think I would die. I think that would kill me. I think my body would be like, that's it,

we're shutting down, we're dead. I would press charges if you guys said that to me. We're friends, we're all friends, we've known each other a long time now.

I'm going to jail. Charges are going right on your record. Is that meme in court just the kid pointing? Right there. John and Kevin. There were cameras there.

I got to pull up the video of it. I cry and Nippo will put up the video anyway. It is. Getting older is. Yeah, girls don't beat each other up either, right? Yeah. You do? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? What, do you like punch each other in the tits? No, I mean like... What are you guys, like fucking pillow fighting on lingerie or something? Somehow water gets involved? What goes on with it? No, like just wrestle each other.

You... No, dude. How many... Okay, let me ask you this. How many wrestling matches have you bet in your life that you didn't initiate? I was going to say, Jackie might be different. No, no. I can see you being a wrestler.

I actually get wrestled. Like, they probably, like, bully me more. It's like, I don't know. Like, your friends physically bully you? No. Like, no, but, like, an occasional wrestle. I don't know. Like a headlock, like a push, like a.

Noogie headlock. Noogie. You get noogie at the end? I get noogie at a headlock Like a push Like a Nuggie headlock Nuggie You get nuggied dude I get nuggied a lot Currently I almost had a bald spot At one point Not currently

No they stopped You almost had a Like Well we know She was getting That ponytail pulled We know that And the honking

The honking How old Bro you were just bald That's what the sound was No this is college. No, you know what it was? She was a dancing monkey for the crowd. She was, you know, it was more like she was a showman.

But also it's like, I don't know, everyone, yeah. To be fair to girls, I think a vast majority of them do not think any of this sounds fun. No. That's what I mean. But that, I feel bad for them. I just know. That they don't find fun in that. The guys that I boxed with that one boxing glove, those are my brothers.

And we're still friends to this day. And I see them at weddings and I'm like, this is the best day ever. You know why you wouldn't backstab them on some bullshit? Because you fought with one glove that one time. 100%. 100 times. Girls will eventually always, their relationships will crash and burn with their friends because they don't have, they don't have that bond.

Because they haven't seen each other's penis. Also true? No, they see each other naked a lot. Yeah. Way more than that. They don't have their penises, though. The penis is the important part. You have to see the penis.

Who cares if I saw your vagina? There's literally nothing there. That's true. Girl groups have never seen each other's penises. It's not possible. Factual. Factual statement. Factual now.

If girls saw each other's penises, it would be a fucking different story. Yeah, that is true of you guys because the penis is so – They probably fight more. The penis is so – you're so vulnerable when your penis is out. Yeah, dude. That if you're – Dude, we're penis brothers. We're like –

A fucking pussy, if you're just standing there naked, can't even see it. Right. You have to like kind of get underneath to see what's going on. Dude, Playboy made a goddamn fucking empire out of being like we show tits, you can't even see it. Right. You have to like kind of get underneath to see what's going on. Dude, Playboy made a goddamn fucking empire out of being like we show tits, you can't even see their pussies.

Nope. It's just naked woman laying in front of a fireplace. Can't see their pussy anywhere. That was a penthouse though. Penthouse was like

They didn't give a fuck. Penthouse got up and Hustler was like Hustler was smut. I didn't have that. I know you talked about like your Did you have a box

of porn in the woods not in the woods it was in my buddy's basement his dad had a like he had a bunch of boxes stacked on top of like a bunch

of old computers and a bunch of shit that was clearly like there's no way anybody's gonna tear all of this down and get into that box under there

and we did and it was porn it was just it was playboys it was all that shit when a dad hides it that much, do they, every time,

are they like, or are they just hiding it like they don't use it anymore? I don't think they use it anymore. They don't want to let go of it. They don't want to let go of it. It's just like a comforting thing having in the house.

It's just like, if all goes to shit, I still got that box of porn in the basement. It's like having a gun in a lockbox. I was going to say a go bag. Yeah.

Right, it's like a mob boss has $200,000 in cash in his ceiling. Yeah. A married soulless dad just has a box of porn Yeah. Right. It's like a mob boss has $200,000 in cash in his ceiling. Yeah. A married soulless dad just has a box of porn in his basement. I was playing with it in the 70s. It's like if he gets so mad that he just grabs the box and is like, I'm out of here.

Yeah. I got it. I'll leave my kids behind when I get my box of porn. This is the only thing that's- One of those office brown boxes? Yes. I'm out of here. This is the only thing that's ever been loyal to me.

The box of porn was like ritualistic. Yours was in the woods. Yeah. So you guys would just go in there and pound off in the woods? No, we didn't jerk off. We would just watch it. Yeah, we would just look at it. See, I don't know why, but I guess I was over it. I didn't really start jerking off to porn until

I very, I would guess I've jerked off to porn in a magazine until... I very... I would guess I've jerked off to porn in a magazine under five times in my life, maybe ten. And most of those would be done, like... Because, well, you know, the internet came around pretty quickly. It was like a hockey camp. And, like, we didn't...

We'd pass around the same magazine. I had a good run with Sports Illustrated Swimsuit. Like, when that was... I never really did that. I think there was a gap between when I started jerking off and a little bit with the internet. I mean, I'm not that old, but where it was readily available, where

I could log in and be like, this is amazing. There was a stretch where it had to be magazines, and I think it was Swimsuit Edition. I can see that. I had it all, from Swimsuit Edition to like, oh, we were talking about East Bay the other day. You see East Bay's gone? Very sad.

I mean, the Victoria's Secret catalog. Yep. And then, did you guys ever, did Fredericks of Hollywood ever show up in the past? No, I saw that tweet. I had no idea that was. No, Fredericks of Hollywood, I might be outing Mom and Dukes and Pops right here. Maybe it's not something that just shows up at every house. Fredericks of Hollywood was filth.

Fredericks of Hollywood was like the lingerie you get at like Romantic Depot where it's like pasties and like a g-string I don't know what that is either I might know what those are I don't know what Romantic Depot is Really?

You know what Romantic Depot is? Yeah like where you get like There's like Sex shops Yeah I know what sex shops are They're usually like on the side of the highway

or like I mean like I know those stores but I've never seen Romantic Depot I think there's one like on the way from New York to Boston. You've seen Romantic Depot.

They're usually called, like, X Videos or something like that. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. But these were, like, this was not, like, lingerie. This was, like, lingerie for fucking. And it was, like, a catalog. And, I mean, I was like, whoa, this is fucking crazy. I think that's just something that your parents got yeah that's well that's what i'm starting to realize enough people were like yo

frederick's hollywood but i'm like i don't know maybe all of our parents were kinky maybe but i remember like the sears catalog looking at like some fucking like fruit of the looms and then the victoria's secret one was like whoa mama it's anything you can get your hands on there's that scene I just went from memory And not memory I went from imagination Yeah but I'm also saying Like I didn't like

Oh I would Yeah yeah It might get me You know run around the house And just go there it is Like no one's around Like look at it And I remember so vividly

Like Victoria's Secret Would really never show Like It would be a chick Wearing a thong Where they would never Show her ass Right yeah yeah

But every now and then there was like, for whatever reason, there was just one chick where they did show it. And I was like, I'm going to keep this catalog forever. That's a bun. The, uh,

think about it now. Sports Illustrated swimsuit was when I was like, it was the Tyra Banks cover where I was like, I was like, okay. Like that. That's John. He was,

he was straight and not racist. Yeah. Not even that. That's great. In the blackjacks. Even more so. Yeah. straight and not racist. Not even not racist. That's great. In the blackface. Even more so. Even more not racist. I'm going to need to know what they call this to find more of this.

What are the descriptor words that I can use, put in a search engine, and I can find more of that? They're like, you're not going to guess this. No one else is ever going to use this word ever again. But ebony. Yeah, this will be used for one thing and one thing only. That is so funny. Yeah, you call a black person ebony, you're a real beater. That is actually such a good point.

It is. That it's okay to describe them as ebony when you're talking about porn. If you were just on the news and you were like, an ebony woman was, you know, at City Hall this week like oh my god what whoa what channel is this again hang on a second

what the fuck Michelle Obama an ebony woman was like that's over it's over if you did that that's like dropping

an n-bomb dude crazy we might have just got ourselves in trouble but the I get anytime you mention Michelle Obama

you gotta watch it I was like that might be a bridge too far. You can't bring the Obamas into this. Have you ever watched Lil Dicky does a Sway freestyle where he talks about Michelle Obama at the end and the room is like, shut everything off! Shut off the electronics!

He talks about bending over Michelle Obama. No! This is something Lil Dicky did on Sway in the Morning. And it's an incredible rap. And he does it... His freestyles are, you know, freestyles are fucking insane. They're unbelievable.

And he does it. And Sway is just like... They're like, we got to shut this whole thing down. Yeah, Michelle Obama is... She's almost untouchable. Yeah, she... No, she's not almost. It's like, it's definitely...

Yeah. Do not mention her name. The... Wait, what was i just saying uh yeah i interrupted uh we were talking about catalogs and uh i interrupted you oh oh oh yeah it was the tyra banks one yeah where i fucking like took all like i cut out pictures and stuff like that and like hung them all over my wall well that's perverted that's a pervert move and my dad was like like angry yeah no that's disgusting he. That's a pervert move. And my dad was like angry. Yeah, no, that's disgusting.

He's like, what do you think? You live in a fucking frat house? Because you know what? That's what girls do, right? Yeah. I feel like girls have the boys' posters or cutouts or magazines up on their wall. And it's like, you perverts. What are you guys doing?

You know? Yeah, I had like Emmett Smith on my wall. Right. I had a ton of sports posters, but then just all right by my bed. For like two hours. until my dad came home. Yeah, I'd be like, we're putting an end to this real quick. And he was like, what the fuck? Are you so stupid?

Think about like that was what you had to do with as a dad now. I don't even want to know what I have to deal with when Keegan hits like 12, 13. He's going to have a phone. Yeah, man. And by then, porn is going to be like strictly anal. Like they're not even going to have sex and vaginas then porn is going to be like strictly anal. Like they're not even going to have sex and vaginas

by the time my kids are of age. It's going to be so perverted and disgusting. Imagine that the plan B dies out birth control dies out because everyone's

just anal. People just do it. Hey you know what I'd sign up for it. I don't know if the girls will but I'm down. It is so true that when you

like the age that you think it's going to be happening it's five to six years before. It's so true that when you – like the age that you think it's going to be happening, it's five to six years before. It's going to be earlier than that. Way earlier. And as bad as you think it's going to be, it's going to be worse than that. Worse. I mean, I've said this – But also, I think it's just like – I don't – maybe I'm wrong.

I don't think it's ever a – I think it – It's all proportional. It's all – it all happens in the same window. When you say, you talk about fucking 15 or whatever, I'm like, what are you, nuts? Oh, no, never mind. I fucked at 16. I always forget. Yeah, you forget that you lost your virginity.

You lost your virginity? Always. I was drunk. But then it didn't happen again for a long time. Oh, I can see how that can be confusing. I remember on the show one time. So I guess, never mind. We were both kind of, you were 15, right? Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I can stand that. I get confused. I remember on the show one time. So I guess never mind. We were both kind of...

You were 15, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. So yeah, I guess we were... 16. But there's no way it's 10 now. No, no, no. But what I do think happens is definitely not 10.

Better not be 10. But I think what happens is when I was 15, I remember I went and got a big box of fucking dry condoms. I didn't even get the lubricated kinds. I was so afraid. I was just like, I just want like the thickest rubber possible. I don't even want the thin lubricated kinds. Just put like a garbage bag around my dick.

And like had me some, well, I think I'm a bad example because I was dating that fucking, that girl just turned me out. But in the very beginning, it still just like I was just like I'm just gonna have me Some missionary sex And like And I just feel like now You

Everything goes so rapid Like I can't even I don't even know about The physical acts of it I just know that The access to I mean they have

They'll have the same They'll have the same access That we have And they'll have it When they're 11 Yeah I'm not saying I don't know what

They're gonna do with that But you know with that more important than the access is like they they everyone's always had older siblings yeah and i i can't imagine it changes that drastically where like i think there were some people like i i knew kids in middle school who were like hooking up and like giving blow dubs i wasn't there at all but like that was those were the way because jesus christ like there were people who were doing it sure, those were the, like, Jesus Christ. Like, there were people who were doing it. Sure. But they were the ones, like, the rest of the school was like, Jesus fucking, what are Don't you feel, though, that, like, porn has been out there and mainstream enough now that,

like, like, I feel like back in the day, a blowjob versus a today blowjob Are two very different things I feel like I guess And so that's You know what I mean Like I think you're gonna be having like Aggressive sex at an early age Because it's like become so mainstream

And like at the tip of your fingers You know what I mean And it's like I still don't think so I don't think you should be I hope you're fucking right man I think you're probably like I just don't 13 year old you're think you should be I hope I hope you're fucking right man I think you're probably like I just don't

13 year old You're still like I hope I really fucking do Yeah I mean that's Yeah Hopefully something stays

Like Constant with that With like the human nature I think there's always Going to be the outliers Like you're talking about There's always going to be people Who are like

Really pushing the envelope Yeah right right At that age And then most people Are just like Ah I'm fine I'm nervous about all of this All of this I don't know That's interesting to like, I'm nervous about all of this. All of this.

I don't know. That's interesting to think about. I was nervous as fuck. Yeah. I wasn't nervous. I was nervous the first time I lost my virginity. The other time I was drunk. I don't remember it.

I was actually with my buddy. So we were in Spain. And we were drunk. And we were like, we both took these two girls home. And I was with the buddy who I was with back then this past weekend. And we were talking about it took these two girls home and i was with my the buddy who i was with back then this past weekend and we were talking about it and i told him like i was like dude i completely forgot how like i lost my virginity on the spain trip and he's like yeah so you don't remember like that whole night and i was like i remember it but like not not in detail and then

again it was like fucking half a century before i read sex again So it was Not that long It was three years I think But the Rounded up for Dramatic effect But the He was like You remember what happened When we got back We were with these two girls We were like

We were 16 And we were in Spain And then we were Hooking up with these Two college girls Which by the way Rape Yeah so you got raped

In Salamanca But okay If you're out there If you were At the URI trip But, so you got raped in Salamanca, but okay. If you're out there, if you were at the URI trip, but you went to UMass in Salamanca. Oh, it was other American girls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, those girls definitely raped you. Yeah.

Yo, there's definitely some girls out there. There's definitely a girl out there who's like, I fucked Feidelberg when he was 15. Oh, yeah. And she's like zipping her. They're like, I wish he would stop telling that story that's fucking i thought it was spanish girl no no no they were they were in our they were in our class they were like so we were all like we were there's someone out there who knows about

your little fucking terrible pecker having some awful sex dude i remember that night i remember at one point didn't you like Verbally abuse her afterwards What No But maybe you remember Part of the story That I thought I didn't remember When my buddy Was like

He's like You don't remember Like what happened So we went back to there They were lucky enough To have a dorm We were staying with Like a billet family

Yeah And because they were Actually adults They got to just stay In like a hotel dorm Whatever And we were children So we had to have

Fucking parents It's getting worse It's getting worse Keep going So we went back to their like hotel dorm thing and um and my buddy we were also drunk my buddy we i was kissing with this one girl and my buddy goes ah you got the hot one but said it's so loud like everyone heard and he was like he's like so you two went to the bathroom to have sex and me and this girl who now hates me just had to sit in there

in silence and listen to you guys fuck which I can't imagine there was much noise coming and it was but I was drunk enough that it wasn't like a quick thing

it was you know I'm sure it was fucking four minutes but it was it wasn't a dude even just the thought of like you know teenage kids like having But it was It wasn't a Dude even just the thought Of like You know

Teenage kids Like having Sex Is gotta be So awful And so awkward But in the moment You think it's like

Hot or romantic Girl It's like Right I was gonna say Like when does that change Like it's just We're all I think you said

On the show before I'm still checking out The box on the I've been joking about this for like 20 years I know how to have sex by now How dare you What a betrayal on this podcast Dude I've been listening to this show before I even started working here

And Kevin was always like I suck at sex We all are always going to suck at sex And here I am And you come clean and say that you know how to have sex That is Can you pull the knife out of my back john because everything that i thought was true is a lie that's unbelievable i'm not great with my dick i'm good with everything else bro you're describing sex you're like a fucking priest you know doesn't count. It doesn't count.

The other stuff's okay. Like, get out of here, dude. You're like, I'm not good with my dick. You're describing sex. Unreal. It's not the whole thing, you know. It's the whole thing. So you think you've hit your stride?

You think you finally figured it out? Yeah, kind of, guys. He's backtracking now. It's been over half my life, you know. It would stand to reason that you eventually get just anything, at any task. Yes. You do it enough. You do it consistently over the years and decades. You think you get better.

It just hasn't been the case for me. Also, when you think about it, we talk about Gladwell's 10,000 hours. Yeah. Yeah. Your boy's at about 200 minutes. I was going to say, it's hard to get to the hours. That's so true. We need to translate it to like sessions, not hours.

Because if it's hours. Anyone else who's been working on something for 19 years has something to show for it. Not me. Not me? Not this side. How many minutes do you think you've had sex in your life? Minutes? That would be a great ATI question when you get to heaven. You can ask a question like the number of minutes

because it's like, you know, I mean, how many times do you think you've even had sex? It's like, it's hard to calculate. If you've been in a relationship, oh, I don't know. I'm not gonna be able to find it, but there was this woman who did her own Spotify rap for her sex, her year in sex.

Okay. She was this British woman. And she's clearly kinky. She's not just an average chick. She's a swinger and all that. So she was like, I had 52 new partners this year. 19 of them made me come. Who's got the time for 52 new partners?

She was like, half of them came from swingers clubs. I know where she got them, but how many times? She has a job, too, right? I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe she makes her whole life. She said that a good percentage of them all had over a seven-inch dick. I was like, oh, my God.

You're living the dream, man. What, is she rolling with fucking rulers? That was an eye test. Six and a half. Come on. Who's the source? Because if you ask yours truly never numbers coming out but if we actually like get out some some sort of measuring utensil i'm going in the other room

i'm leaving this show is sponsored by better help uh when you're at your best you can do great things but sometimes life gets you bogged down things get in the way and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in the way that you want to. Working with a therapist can help you get to the closest version of the best version of you. Because when you feel empowered, you're more prepared to take on everything life throws at you. I have used therapy constantly, like basically since I was a kid. I have been in and out of therapy. It is always very helpful. You know, sometimes you take a break, but it's always helpful when you get back and you realize the strides you can make in being a better person.

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for no additional charge. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com slash KFC today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash KFC, 10% off your first month. Never coming back. Did you hear about the mechanical dicks that we are investigative journalism? I briefly saw a clip from son of a boy dad where you're talking about abella told us that um you know yeah guys are using viagra and they're using uh cialis and they're using swipes to not like come fast but they're also just straight up doing mechanical

dicks what do you mean by that uh it's like you put an implant inside your dick and your balls, inside your balls is filled with like saline solution. What? And you fucking pump your balls and it fills your dick up. I'm talking a mechanical dick. I thought it was just like an apparatus you put on. An inside your body plant that is like, you know, I guess can also get like soft, so you can kind of like have a regular dick. It's like a Neuralink that Elon's talking about.

Squeeze your fucking balls. What? Like one of those blood pressure. But it's your balls, and then that makes your dick get hard. And this is for the pros are doing this. Yeah. So this guy, this one guy, also they just straight up, they use injections. So you can get like, you take a needle and you inject it into your dick and that, I guess, gets blood flow.

And that guy did that so much that his dick stopped working. He needed to get an implant. The implant they put in there was smaller than his natural dick. So he had to have another surgery to get a bigger implant in. I mean, if it's your livelihood, I get it. It's not unlike NFL players using steroids. We were like mind blown. And I was like, of course.

Why would they not? It's like, this is the pinnacle of this game. You think you're going there with your natural dick? No way. If you're just Mark walking down the street, hooking up every weekend or whatever, you don't need a mechanical dick. But if this is how you pay the bills, I think

you might have to. You might as well. It's gotta be weird to be Mark walking down the street and you're also into sex clubs and shit like that. Who's Mark? Just a made-up individual. What the fuck does that have to do with it? He's the guy who melts his poop. It's fine.

Keep up. Try to keep up. We can put anything we want on Mark. You can do whatever you want to Mark. You can fuck Mark up. You can fuck Mark if you want to. Mark is Mark. Mark is Mark.

Mark is the royal Mark. The way you said it, when Trent said it, I was like, all right, I think it's a fake guy. It's gotta be weird to be Mark. He might be real. Oh, like I just, I just kicked, I just kicked Mark in the balls. I just, in my head, I did it. And you can do it too. I just watched you. I was a sidekick in your fantasy. I tried to do something to Mark and it was just watching you kick him in the balls again.

Maybe I have control of Mark and I'm the only one. Anybody else? I'll do anything you say that we have to do to Mark. See, we're still so stupid. That's what I love. It's the best. Again, girls aren't doing this. No, dude. They're not making up

Fake Linda And talking about You know what To change gears We were talking about this yesterday And we never ended up doing it Rich things as a kid Oh yes

Yeah yeah yeah So I saw this posted on Instagram I think it went viral on Twitter Things that you saw as a kid That instantly you were like whoa that person's rich or that person's got it good and the reason it jumped out to me was because the example given what hit home so like so direct uh like if a kid had a glass backboard as his basketball hoop like in his driveway oh yeah or i knew kids who had like paints like a three-point line and

the lane painted on there i was like yeah and actually to this day that's still pretty like you know it's it's still yeah if you have a fucking basketball court of your house yeah but even like if you just have like your driveway you can like get lines painted and you can have but the glass backboard with like a real rim and that, I was like, yo, this guy is fucking rich. And the other example was the girl said she thought refrigerators that have the water in it. That's a good one. I still, in Ice Maker, to this day, in my apartment, in my family's home, it's fucking ice trays. Man, that's poor as shit.

I thought, I guess, again, this probably is true, too. A cul-de-sac. If you lived on a cul-de-sac, I remember being like, you're fucking so rich. Mine are more like sports-based. Like, if you had a fucking... Oh, like the stick or that bat? Like a Synergy. You had a Synergy as a kid.

You were rich. Yeah, that's a good one. You had a Copperhead baseball bat. Copperhead was the big one when I was in Little League. Sure. That definitely plays. The first thing that came to my mind was vacations that they would go on. Have you gone on a plane as a kid?

Right. Like they would go to Cancun every year. That's crazy. And they'd come back and be super tan. And I have got family in Colorado, and it's 12 hours from where I grew up Where we would have to go And we would just slam everybody Into a shitty minivan And drive 14 hours

This is vacation And then these other people who weren't in my friend group But I knew of them They would go to Cancun every year Dude every year Those people are rich But then also as you get older I guess it's different when you have a family

But as you get older, I guess it's different when you have a family. But as you get older, you're like, you're into fucking Cancun. Yeah, yeah, that's what's funny. I was seeing more frogs, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would almost say, at that age, if you're tan in the winter as a kid, you're like, what the fuck's going on here? You're rich.

I think if you had a pet. If you had a pet? If you had a pet? If you had like a golden retriever when I was a kid, I was like, holy shit. Type of dog is important. Type of dog, yeah. Because we had, I had two dogs growing up, and we got them from the pound, and you pay 90 bucks. Yeah.

They get their shots, and then they come like bite people that come over. Bro. Those are, you could adopt like Demogorgons. Those aren't even fucking dogs. Shout out to Sammy and Lucky, RIP. I miss you guys. But they would bite people that came over. But like if they had a golden retriever, that's the nicest dog in the world.

So it depends on like what dog it was. Cars is one too. I know like maybe not even cars, but like I had a friend who had leather seats. And now I since know I hate that. But I was like, whoa. Dude, my dad was like One of the first People With like a car phone

Oh Fuck yeah My friend's got a car He'd like be making work calls And my friend's like What is happening Big time Talking to people

Making sales dude Dude moving and shaking Making things happen Placing the bait Placing the beat People are seeing Dude what was his car called It was an eagle

I called it the Batmobile But it was Like the car was called Like an Eagle. I called it the Batmobile. The car was called like an Eagle. Yeah. Or something like that. A car that's definitely not in existence anymore. Dude, my friend's dad had an Eagle. Really? Yeah.

What are you guys talking about? It was like a fucking, it was a black car. Like, I'm going to Google black Eagle and birds are going to come up. For sure. An oil-covered Eagle is going to come up. An oil-spilled Eagle. That's saved by the bell episode. Everybody knows what they think. Google oil-spilled eagle. That saved my The Bal episode. Everybody knows what they think.

Google's like, I don't know what you mean. No. Maybe throw a year in there. In Eagle Town. Eagle Town. I think Mitsubishi might have bought the company. I don't know. This looks like a white trash-ass car, though.

That's another thing you realize when you grow up. Everything that I had or that we did was white trash. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Unless you were one of these rich people. everything that I was that I had or that we did was white trash yeah oh yeah but the unless you were one of these rich people but I feel like and we also

we got the car the TVs and the headsets in my mom's minivan oh my god if you had a TV in your car and you were a billionaire we had

you grew up as a billionaire we were going to like maybe the vineyard or somewhere and we were going on the ferry and like the ferry

got delayed or we got there early whatever it was and so my parents were like this is the best thing ever like they'll just throw a movie on the back and they'll shut the fuck up yeah but my dad's not exactly a mechanical gentleman so he just had the battery going so we were first in line to get on the ferry and and after two hours of us watching fucking... I think we were watching Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights. And I love the guy who talks like this!

I forget his name, but no one understands what I'm talking about. And you're blocking everybody now. I'm blocking and horns are honking and my dad was driving my mom's car just like, never again! Never using these TVs ever again!

Holy shit. I thought you don't fuck this up, dad. It's not my fault. That is so funny, the rage when it's clearly your dad's fault. Oh man, that's funny. Yeah, I feel like there were clothes, there was sneakers. Oh, we had a pair of Paco jeans. Tommy Hilfiger was big when I was a kid.

I had a bootleg Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt. A logo with the blue in the middle. And I told my friend in confidence that it was fake, and he fucking told everybody. I hate that kid's mistake. You had a fake Tommy shirt? Yeah. What did Tommy shirts run you back then, and where did you get a fake one? It was like,

it was, like, how, like, buttoned down or t-shirt? No, no, no,

it was like a hoodie. It was like a hoodie with like the flag on it, like a big, you know, when we were dressing like rappers. Yep. And my grandma got it for me

and it was like at Co-op City at some like fucking, you know, the tag was off or I think it was one of those things it was real, but it was like a co-op city at some like fucking you know the tag was off or i think it was one of those things it was real but misprint yeah something like that and me was just like he's wearing a fucking bootleg hoodie and i was like i'll kill you and your whole family i still think about that guy to this fucking day of course like that that was such a a breach of trust that like i should have snapped your neck on the spot. This isn't like a rich poor thing

but it was like a cool thing with the chain on the wallet. Did you do chain wallets? Yes but not. Did you do airwalks? No. I never did the skater thing. I stayed sports. I wanted to be a rollerblader for a little bit. Looking back I did always think those guys were kind of cool. Not rich but

I was always like oh you got airwalks like that's you know. That's the airwalks for the thing i never had them but oh airwalks where i lived like airwalks uh there was like the skaters who had airwalks there was like the soccer dudes wearing deodorants and and and samoa um yeah uh they were adidas um yeah whatever yeah and then i had like basketball shoes and basketballs it's funny i never thought of the chain walled as like a skater thing. It is when you think about it now. But I remember somebody who, a buddy of mine had it,

and he bought it from a store, and it was awesome, and people loved it. And then I was like, oh, I want a chain on my wallet. One of the stupidest things ever as a kid. It's so dumb. But we didn't go buy one. You could have seen my library card. My grandpa, he was very handy.

He was like a carpenter basically and we just took my wallet and he had a chain around and we drilled through my wallet and put it on on the chain wallet on my on my pants and that was my chain wallet it was the dumbest lamest thing in the world and i hated it yeah because the other one was like a cool chain and it was like shiny yeah mine was this shitty one that we found in the basement. Yeah. It was bad. Oh, yeah.

It reminds me. Bikes was a big one. If you had like a BMX bike. Oh, yeah. Because I had a Royce Union, which was like the knockoff. Like it wasn't a GT. It wasn't a dyno. It was like a faker brand.

And I was like, yeah, you're the poor kid. I saved up for a bike. The poor kid was always nice, though, because the poor kid's parents let you do whatever they wanted. Because they weren't around. They didn't love each other. True. That's true. But when you were talking about your chain wallet, I thought of my poor friend because it reminded me of this story.

Wait, my poor friend or my poor friend? My poor friend. Financially. Financially, yes. But the parents let us do whatever the fuck why he's a little hellion but it was it reminded me of when i've told this story before he called like we were hanging out his house and he's like yo like he lived like i don't want to say where he lived because people gonna find out what it is but the like he's like let's go to the woods and i was

like all right let's go to the woods he's like meet me behind this thing over here and i was like all right word so i went over and i was like it was just go to the woods. And I was like, all right, let's go to the woods. He's like, meet me behind this thing over here. And I was like, all right, word. So I went over, and I was like, I was just like, there was nothing going on. I was like, this is fucking whatever just fell. I was hanging out in the woods. And he had attached to the end of a chain a bike lock. Which he had. And not a bike lock, just any kind.

It was a combination lock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A combination lock. And it just fucking, boom! And it just fucking, I woke up. Hit you? Hit you? Hit you, like, in the face? Hit me in the fucking side of the head, dude.

And I just woke up, just staring at you. John, that's attempted murder. Bro, you are so lucky. And he was like, he's like, whoa, I didn't think this was going to happen. I was like, what did think it was going to happen. What did you think was going to happen? I'm surprised that didn't just go through your whole stomach. Oh, my God. Because I'll tell you what, when you first started that story and you went to the woods

and he was swinging a lock around the chain, awesome. That's awesome. That's something I want to do. I thought he was going to give you some dead animals or you broke some windows. I didn't know that he was going to assault you. He just fucking smoked me in the back. I remember an older kid on the basketball team. He was like, this is going to sound worse than it ended up as I started to tell the story.

But because he was an older kid, I just listened to him. He was like, bend over and touch your toes. And like, take 10 deep breaths. And then I stood up and he did the thing where you just squeeze the person behind and you pass. You pass out. I had that happen. Oh, I remember. So I just was like, okay, now stand up.

And he, you know, I think he said, like, cross your arms. He grabs me. And then I just woke up with a knot on my head looking up at them going, oh, fuck it worked. I was like, oh, man. I think one said, oh, fuck, it worked. The other one was like, don't tell your mom. No, I always had the one guy who

they would choke you out and you'd pass out. And you wake up and you're like, why? Why did you do that? I'd be interested to do a study on all male human brains. I'm sure football's worse But if you just Whenever we went through It was just as bad

Everyone who was just I played football too A kid Yeah you doubled up For a while Like before helmets became a thing Sure Bro

I was talking about this the other day We have a meeting We have to leave But I was talking about this the other day Where Like The era Like the fact that

We now live in the dog shit bag era is so incredible. Because, like, I don't know about you guys, but when I came home, like, check your shoes was a line. For sure. Because dog shit was just everywhere. Everywhere. It was just, like, before you come to the house, check your shoes. Yeah. And, like, I wasn't hanging out in, like, manure fields.

Shepard's fields. Yeah. I was just playing football with my friends down at the high school or, like, whatever. Well, apparently some of your friends were. Yeah. And there were yaks around. There was a pub cat. I don't know.

That was a high school when I was growing up. It was a different time. Different time. But it was like, I was like, that is crazy. Imagine if just, like, my shoes are one-time use. It's like, I just throw them out when I get home the dude who like invented the roll of bags

and then the little holder and all that probably has billions of dollars we need to pick up shit guys we all got dogs right we can't just have it and what they would say is like oh oh, it fertilizes the lawn. Yeah, that was something. That's just a lazy person being like, I don't want to pick it up.

That's all that was. God, those were the best days, man. The best days. Yeah, man. Now I'm in my 30s and it's. What are you. What's your plan? You're just going to keep doing this?

I don't. What's your guys' plan? Like that. Do we. Do any of us have a plan? I'm like, you know, I just got kids. I'm going to do that until I'm dead, you know? Well.

What do you mean by like plan? First of obviously no but well john yeah no kids for me either but i love how you said that like like it was almost like what's your plan for tonight but we're talking about like the rest of your life what's your guys plan well so i get the same answer yeah because i i know we've talked about this over the years and and when i was really braggadocious about it i was probably 29 and you're just like i'm, I'm never going to have kids. I'm never going to settle down. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to continue to exist, do this weird job, and just see what happens. It does.

You're one of the few people that I was always like, I think he's actually going to do it. A lot of guys, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to meet somebody, and you're going to get suckered into it, and blah, blah, blah. But you were pretty like, because you know what? You were the smart one. I remember you saying, it's not about doing all those those things it's about having the choice to not do things right you cherish how much you can say i'm not going to do anything tonight i love that i think you know how valuable that is i don't think people realize once you get married and have kids you don't get to do nothing

ever again and you knew that my free time is incredibly valuable to me even when it is doing nothing like i think that's almost more valuable than having free time to do other things. I can just sit at home and just literally sit there. I could just go to sleep take a nap. I'll lay down on this floor right now and nobody's going to wonder where I am. I've said that

I think we decided three days is when they'd be like something might be up with John. If you haven't heard from me in three days. But I will say now that I advance into my 30s, I'm 33 now, you do start to feel the societal pressure of like, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing here? And it's never an impulse of mine. It's society weighing down on me.

And I know you're similar. We're the same age, basically. I'm 34, but yeah. A little bit older. Pretty much the same. And I just feel like I don't know what I'm going to do. Yeah. I don't know.

But I don't think – Just stay here. Just stay here? Like stay at this point as long as you can. Just stay. It's straight up Billy Madison. But like – Because like also –

It's still fine when you're 33. Like I'm going to be a sad 43-year-old probably. Everybody's going to be sad at 43, bro. Okay. 43 sucks. Yeah. You're either single and you're a weirdo Or you have kids and you hate your life

You gotta make it to 50 And then it's like Hey, I'm the rich 50-year-old guy Who's like, I have all my money Because I don't have any bills And I'm like That is the nice thing Yeah

Is I just I don't have to spend money on anything You're rich I'm rich Yeah, you're rich I'm not rich But you are You have more disposable income

Than many people who make a lot more money than you that have bills. I suppose so. And I really don't mind it. I was just in Hawaii. I went to Hawaii for a week by myself. Didn't do anything. I told him.

I was sending him pictures. Yeah. Hawaii solo. Went to Maui for a week. Didn't do anything. I wish we brought this up at the beginning because I would love to talk about just a Hawaiian fucking trip. I mean, I thought John Mayer solo was crazy.

Hawaii solo for a week? I'll tell you, we can talk about it now because there's not much to tell. I did exactly what I do here. Just in Maui. Dude, you're not even tan. Well, I was on the beach every day, but I made sure to like...

Clearly. You did not look like you went to Hawaii at all. Well, I, I, well, I had a hat and there was a picture that I sent John. Um, and I just covered myself in sunscreen and I wore a hat and I just sat on the beach. Just killing it. I mean, how many, how many were there? Were there like, you're on the beach and there's like young hot babes and bikinis. Yeah.

Like, look at this. That's a tourist. I was a full on tourist. Unbelievable. Yeah. No, it's,

they're right. That is unbelievable. Is that picture out there? No, I didn't put it out there. That needs to be out there. No, we,

that is a classic. I had a degree before you where I was like, I was like, I know you don't really post pictures a lot, but like, can you just text me pictures all the time? And then you sent me a picture of you. Were you in Maine? Where were you? I was in Vermont skiing. Dude, I was on the

gondola. That might have been on the gondola where the girl was telling me she melted her shit. There's a good chance this is on the gondola. As this is happening, some girl's like, I take care of it. I boil two pots of water and just take care of it. I love this picture. It was just a couple of guys exchanging pictures.

Yeah. I'd like to keep this going if you're open to it. Absolutely. Can I get in on this? You just hit the beach. Yeah, no, I'm not living that life. I can't. I don't deserve it.

Right, it's a club. So you just hit the beach. Yeah. Go back to the restaurant, the hotel. Go to a restaurant. Eat some dinner. Go home. Jerk off.

Wake up. Do it again. You're on fire, yeah. Did you talk to any locals? Did you find any girls? No. Anybody to hang out with at the bar? Just seven days of that.

Just kind of seven days of that. And I will say, I talked about this on Foreplay that I do wish that I had a dinner buddy. I want someone exactly like me who we don't talk at all during the day. Do whatever you want. Go to this beach. You need a platonic life partner. all during the day yeah do whatever you want go to this beach partner go right go like sightseeing do whatever you want but then around six seven o'clock text each other let's go to dinner spend a couple hours together and then we don't see each other until the next night there needs to be an app for this i'm in it's called like my buddy or something like that yeah and it'll quickly turn into like gay sex. I was just going to call it sub boys. Right. No sex.

Maybe, but probably not. This is, again, it's like the always sunny, like hang out at the dude's house. We'll chug beers. We'll be fucking around.

We'll eat red meat. We'll fuck each other. It's not a penis. It's a bicep, dude. Yeah, I really, that was the only part that was a little bit weird was like you go to,

dinners are meant for more than one person. Yeah, you're talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, but other than that, outside of that to dinners are meant for more than one person. Right. So that but other than that, outside of that, it was amazing. You're a fucking hero, Trent. Absolutely. Can I continue this?

Time will tell. I think you'll get a lot of social pressure. I think a lot of jealous people who are married would be like, how come you're not married yet? You got to get married. They're just hating. I think probably unfortunately, there probably will be some women who look at you and are like, that's weird,

you know? Yeah. But fuck them. It's like Alec Baldwin in the podcast. Yeah, yeah. He's like, you gotta get a wife

that's really stable, that's really not queer. Yeah. Right. What I think, the thing that I'm missing currently is I just need a ton of money.

Yeah. Because it's cool if you're rich. Yes. Because it's cool if you're rich. Yes. You can do that if you're rich. Because then you're maximizing your free time with either going places or having things or whatever. If you're surrounding yourself with just like an average mediocre life, it's like, eh, maybe I want to do the family thing.

But then I'd be like, if you're surrounding yourself with an average mediocre life, you're like, I've got to afford money for anyone else. Yes, I've got to go afford money for anyone else. That is actually almost a crazy impulse to be like, I'm not living this lavish lifestyle. Might as well piss all that money down the drain with a wife and kids. And then you get a smile a week that makes you feel good about yourself. It's fucking awful. It's something I'm juggling, but I'm more than comfortable with it currently Because I'm 33

Stay the course until as long as you can And see what happens Alright Guys you can do it Girls it's a different story You gotta start worrying about the biological clock You can start all this at 40 You can do this for 7 more years

And it won't even really be that weird Okay I'm gonna do it At least 40 Make me that promise Yes No problem Trent Ryan everybody Go listen to podcasts Go follow him You know the deal I'm going to do it. At least 40. Make me that promise. Yes! I promise. No problem.

Trent Ryan, everybody. Go listen to podcasts. Go follow him. You know the deal. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.