KFC Radio - Violet Benson, Double Dipping, We Are the 2020 of Podcasts

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -We compare the podcast to the year 2020 -AITA Thursday -Voicemails (01:14:00) Violet Benson returns to the show! We talk dating, therapy, tropes and stigmas surrounding sex, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Everything we eat is just a vehicle to get sauce into our mouth. We won't come down. And the sun can't stop us now. What did it come through? It's taking over you. You should be ready to take a shot. Another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today's episode is brought to you by NHTSA,

the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. They're here to keep you safe and keep you out of jail and keep you from paying stupid legal fees and just teach you and remind you not to be an asshole. One of the number one things in this world that I think you're an asshole. A lot of people say they can tell everything about a person if they return the shopping cart to the shopping cart, like lanes, you know, in the, in the grocery store, because a lot of people just leave home or whatever. And that's kind of like the number one sign of whether you think about other people or not i think they take it to a more serious level

if you still fuck around with drunk driving you are the biggest asshole in the world and i mean that sincerely it's it's such a risk for you and that means a risk to your family forget about if you're a drunk driver and something happens to you whatever you're an asshole but your mom's at home your wife's at home your kid's at home your husband's drunk driver and something happens to you, whatever, you're an asshole, but your mom's at home, your wife's at home, your kid's at home, your husband's at home, and you have to get the phone call that this guy went drunk driving and crashed and he's dead or he killed some others. You're putting your other people at risk. You're putting your family at risk. You're putting your bank account at risk. Let's say you don't crash, but you get pulled over. Well, now you're going to catch a DUI and now you can't get a job and now you can't provide

for your family or you got to wipe out your savings account because you got to pay for a lawyer to try to fight this. It's all problems, all stemming from being a selfish asshole that you can fix right now by just getting a designated driver or getting an Uber, getting a Lyft, ordering a car, walking, sleeping the night, whatever it is. Any other option besides hopping in a car drunk is better than jumping in there. It's stupid. So drive sober or get pulled over. Don't be a dick and save your money, save your life, and save your family the stress.

Shout out to NHTSA for spreading the word and make sure you don't drive drunk. Today's episode, who's our interviews, Nick? Violet Benson. Violet! Violet, the OG daddy girl. Daddy issues. We had some fun with her. She's the best. I just, I mean, I just, I was like,

we're going to let it fly. Like, you said this in the interview, her, like, description said, Violet can be as PG or R-rated as you want. I was like, well, we're going NC-17. So she was letting it fly, and we'll talk to her. So we'll get into our voicemails and the interview, but first let's get right into Am I the Asshole? It's brought to you by Fubo TV.

If you're sick of cable, this is for you. I tried to cut the cord. I haven't fully done it yet, though, because I was kind of unsure. I feel like I still needed cable because the option I was going for with streaming was really not satisfactory. I didn't have the sports that I needed. Well, Fubo TV has everything you need. Live sports, news, and primetime TV without the complicated contract.

And so that means you get everything you need. I mean, right now, think about how often you watch cable TV. It's really not that often if you're anything like me. You're using the streaming services, and then occasionally you want to watch a sporting event and maybe uh there's big news and you got to watch like something some primetime news uh that's it you're not sitting there channel surfing anymore like let me check out you know oh let me get out my cable box and my remote fubo tv has everything you need for way cheaper i mean my cable probably costs i I got the text the other day, it was $217.

Really? I bought a bunch of movies and shit too, but still, Fubo TV, 65 bucks a month to watch all the same channels, and you don't have to pay for DVR installation. That's where they get you on cable. You can get a cable box, and if you want anything on it, another 15 bucks, another 15 bucks, another 15 bucks. The fact that you have to pay for DVR now is like, come on. That's not standard yet. Jesus Christ. That is crazy. I didn't even know that. So Fubo is going to have

all that shit for you. Easy to install. You don't have to pay for installation. You don't even have to pay for DVR or ability to rewind or on demand. All the same channels. Everything live. Sports, news, all of that for $65 a month. So I'm going to jump in because I've been trying to cut that

cord and i just haven't uh had the the right package to do it yet and it sounds like fubo tv is it for me everything you need on your television all in one place hundreds of channels cloud dvr no hidden fees can stream all your shows on your tv or to a smart device they have the major broadcast and cable networks and you'll never miss a game nfl, NBA, MLB, NHL, Premier League, La Liga, college sports, and more. Right now, you can get it for seven days for free. So give it a week. Find out.

I'm pretty sure in that week, you'll realize you do not need the cable cord anymore. And by the end of that week, you'll cut it. Fubo TV is offering the seven-day free trial and 15% off your first month. So 65 bucks. What's 15% of 65, John? Oh, fuck off. I don't even know what 50% of $65. What's 15% of $65, John? Oh, fuck off.

I don't even know what 50% of it is. Go to FuboTV.com slash KFC. Get 15% off that $65 first month. I don't even know how to figure that out. Get your calculator out. Number one app in the world, right? FuboTV.com slash KFC.

Let's get into Am I the Asshole? We did a bunch of Am I the Assholes, so let's rock. Am I the Asshole? Let's go. Let me pull up my legs. Yeah, these are good. These are all good ones. We're going to ease into it with something that we both, first of all, I slept on my

neck wrong, and I am telling you right now, if I had an ax, I would have you chop my head off. Really? It's just a disaster. Okay. Are we doing like painful things? Because I got one too. Sure. Let's go.

No, no, no. You first. I mean, I just, I don't know what happened. I mean, I do know what happened. I, I can't sleep without weed, melatoninadryl supplements right so then i like i smoke a fuck ton and i go to sleep and then i just pass out like a rock and if i stay in the same spot for like eight hours i'm fucked so i woke up this morning and i was just like oh no i'm like great i feel refreshed i slept like eight full hours but i was like i can't move my fucking neck and is that

a fair trade-off because i'll tell you what i haven't slept for a full eight hours in quite some time and i might take a sore neck over it yeah you're tired a little tired baby boy i'm i'm always tired always i woke up this morning winnie the i woke up this morning winnie the po Pooh? Winnie the Pooh, hard dick. No! On the couch. For those who don't know, shirt on, no pants, dick hard. Jerked off right away. Right away. It was awesome. Were you having sex last night?

Alone. I was on the couch. Why were you naked? Don't know. Took my pants off. Oh, you went to sleep with pants on? No, I don't think so. Because I did that the other day.

I just took my pants off. Oh, you know what's funny? I Winnie the Pooh'd myself the other day. I imagine I just took my pants off. Oh, you know what's funny? I went in the pool with myself the other day. I woke up. I've been doing this in recent years. I used to sleep in boxers. And then I think it was really the Barcelona indoors line came along. Because they're like thin enough that I can wear them to bed.

And I keep my fucking, my bedroom icy cold now. That if like my arms or anything is like exposed, I wake up, they're like frozen. So I've been wearing. I wake up sweating. I'm wearing the long sleeve t-shirt and the light pants, but then I guess the other night I got hot and I'm under my

25 pound gravity blanket and I wake up and I went in the boot myself. I was in the Marcelo Adores t-shirt. You ever wake up with a boulder and a gravity blanket? That thing doesn't know what to do. That's hard. I slept with my feet up and the gravity blanket was pulling down. Oh, yeah.

Kind of? Yeah. And my ankles kind of hurt, because they were probably there for eight hours. If you did that to my boner? You fucking bend that shit? It's hard. It's like a fucking lever. A lever?

You're trying to get it up. But anyway, I'm pretty sure I have rheumatoid arthritis. What does that mean? That's not a joke. I don't know. What have rheumatoid arthritis And that's actually not a joke What's rheumatoid versus arthritis? Arthritis Okay, so rheumatoid I just threw in regularly It's full body Oh

Because I was giving my girlfriend a foot massage the other day Because what baby wants to do gets And I was like I couldn't do it And I was trying to like slowly I was trying, I couldn't do it. That's why you can't open beer bottles, too. And I was trying to slowly, I was trying to close my hand. I couldn't do it fast. Now, also, that might be the sausage finger hoofs.

No, because it was just like slow. I was just trying to close it, and it wasn't going. And she's like, babe, I think you have arthritis. And then I started thinking about everything in my life. Arthritis. I had like, of course, that's why it takes me seven minutes to get up. Yeah. Do you get scared? I get scared about like, what like what's gonna be like when I'm 60 oh you know

that's why I always say like I can't believe I have to live 60 more years right it's crazy like I see your father your father's in like great shape like but even like my dad's not like your father but like he's up and about and he's doing work around the yard and he's like walking the dog and he's like active. I'm like, I think I'm going to be like in a rascal electric mobility when I'm your age. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk. If I get to 40 on my own power, win. 40?

That's like two minutes away. I mean. Like I have to see a doctor. I've been thinking about it for a long time. And like it's been 10 years. I should probably see a doctor again. What been thinking about it for a long time. It's been 10 years. I should probably see a doctor again. What's that going to do for you, though? Medicine, I guess.

What? Right? If I have arthritis. Tumeric? Apparently, that's a thing. There's also something stupid that works. I want to say it's cinnamon. I think there's something about cinnamon.

Full spoon of cinnamon? Something along those lines. Cinnamon and arthritis are a thing. Really? I think. Cinnamon, arthritis. So that's how the cinnamon challenge started? Could be, yeah.

Cinnamon contains cinnamaldehyde or some shit. Cinnamonic acid. And it's an antioxidant that helps inhibit pain or whatever. But yeah, cinnamon spice helps reduce rheumatoid. Rheumatoid. That'd be funny. You're a rheumatoid. You know that?

Arthritis symptoms. So start fucking cinnamon challenging yourself. Not going to do it. Nah, never. I've been saying this. I'm either going to get canceled or I'm going to retire one way or the other soon and the first thing I'm doing is getting healthy

you're going to get healthy? yes, when I get cancelled or when I retire oh, so you're going to wait until then yeah, you're going to wait until your life's over pretty much when my life's over, that's when I'm going to fucking put it together. Which is oddly poetic

because I agree. Right? If that would... When it's over, then I'll start it. Put it on a t-shirt. When my life's over, I'm going to crush it.

That's why I'm going to get arrested for trying to rape a 14-year-old boy. Yeah. That got an audible reaction from Nick. That was great. He's like, holy shit. Holy shit. For reference, this is from a... That got an audible reaction from Nick. That was great.

He's like, holy shit. Holy shit. For reference, this is a callback to last episode. Don't worry, I'll put the clip in because we're going to need it. That was the most I've ever heard Nick. He's like, oh, 100% the most he's ever said. Like, unprompted. That was a me line.

I was like, whoa, John. That's not getting used as a clip for anything. No, that's only for the people who get this deep into the podcast. He's like, Nick's like, I'm going to edit that out, and you're not going to know, let alone put it on the internet. Fuck out of here. I'm sorry! But it's true. I actually, when you said that, when you said it, I didn't get it's true. But it was smart.

When you said it, I didn't get it at all. And then I've been thinking, when you're like a workaholic, when you're addicted to this shit, when you don't have any other things to do really, the only way you're going to stop yourself, you're not going to stop yourself. Someone else will stop you. Someone else will stop you. You know? Yeah. I'm out.

I'm out of the game. You can't. I'm unhirable. Right? Yeah, you are. I'm out of the game I'm unhirable if I have a job I'll fucking work but if I've been on a fucking Chris Hansen episode guess what I'm unhirable are you really going to take away his ability to earn a living

that's what I want that's the end game baby I don't know about raping kids to get fired I'm just showing up that's it Endgame, baby. I don't know about going. I don't know about raping kids to get fired. But. It's just showing up. I'm just showing up.

That's it. When they say, what did you expect to do here today? I'm like, exactly what's happening. That's what I expected. That's what I was hoping for. I was dreading a 14-year-old boy who was looking to have sex with me. I'm so happy. It's just you trying to fucking cancel me. Nick wants this segment over so bad.

Like, enough. Like, you're gonna show up and you're gonna be like, whoever it is, Chris Hansen, here's the six pack of condoms, here's the six pack of beer, I was gonna do it, cancel me. Dude, this is the fourth house I've been to, thank God. Finally! Finally! That's great.

So you'll be, you'll be, here's what I think, okay, you'll be Finally! Finally! That's great. Here's what I think. You'll be either in jail and or just cancelled and on a sex offender list. I, hopefully, I'm going to be an offensive lineman who, after he retires,

is a totally different person. They lose a ton of weight and they get in shape. CeCe's the bath. Yeah. He went from fat to skinny when it's like cereal, when it's like after your career, you know what I mean? So like, I'm going to,

I'm going to have been on camera for like 15 years getting made fun of for being a skinny fat bag of milk and failing at all these physical challenges and all these things that have been embarrassing for me about my piece of shit body while I'm thriving in the career. And then I'm going to be like, I'm going to get in shape for no reason. And I was like, there's no cameras, nobody's watching, nobody's doing anything, and you're going to see me and be like, that's

KFC. Yeah, I finally had some fucking time and some money to make it happen. That's really what it's about. It's got to have money. I'm just going to... I think my... I'm going to change one of my answers. Over the years I've always said I would rather have a masseuse in the house. I think if you do like – I've come around on the chef where it's just like –

Oh, I was always chef. Yeah, you were always chef. And like masseuse I would enjoy more, but the chef is like – Masseuse? What is that from? Masseuse. Masai? Masseuse?

What's the plural of masseuse? Is this from a movie or a TV show? It sounds like almost like a charlie day moment oh by the way charlie day commented on an ati barcelona sports post so everybody's got to hit up charlie day official and tell him to come on the show yeah yo charlie we went to high school together bro i always forget that not together but we went to the same high school yeah we went to the same which is a pretty rare like shout out porto the abbey come fucking hang out with a raven bro like how many people like total i mean i feel like those small schools right 300 total in each each school so it's like no no each

class is like 75 yeah so like you're one of you know by like a couple thousand people in the in the most in modern charlie mcennedy's bitch you You love that. You actually don't say that enough. Both the Kennedys got kicked out. You really don't. I would lean on that a lot. I'd be like, hi, my name's John. I went to school with the Kennedys. I forget which Kennedys it was, but we're going to Wikipedia it right now.

This is really off the rails, but because you're on vacation, so we're going to do a little bit of everything. Uh-huh. I'm just letting the weight of my head just fall. Where did this bitch go? Hang on. Fuck. You know what we should do, too, for this vacation episode?

We should do some ATI questions. Okay. Because, breaking news, we're going to release a sports pack. I'm committing to it. New expansion deck, sports deck, will be in the works and will come out. Hopefully you bought the goat bundle and you have all five packs. I'm going to call it right now. Robert Kennedy and Edward Kennedy.

Who's Ed Kennedy? Is that Ted Kennedy? Oh, yeah, Ted Kennedy. He got kicked out because he had to go fucking kill business. Yeah, it's Ted Kennedy. So Ted Kennedy and Robert Kennedy went. By the way, I just want you to think through your cancel plan. Because guys like Ted Kennedy kill people and don't get cancels.

Well, guess what? If just showing up to have sex with a 14-year-old boy doesn't do it, then I guess I'll just have to do it. All right, I'm leaving. See you guys later. There's going to be some poor kid who's like, John's going to be like, listen, I don't want to fuck you. I don't want to be here either, bro. If they don't fire me, I'll fuck you, all right?

You call up like Dave Portnoy. You tell him, fire Final Burger. I'm going to get fucked. You're going to have a real problem on your hands, Penn. You thought Dave faking coronavirus made the stocks dip? Watch this.

Oh, man. God, that would be funny. Might just have to put this on our OnlyFans. Subscription-only episode. Okay. You know what? If we're doing it, we're doing it.

And I was telling Kevin before the show that this is obviously recorded Thursday. Kevin's off this week. So I was telling him the Bruins just lost 7-1. Oh, we're doing it. We're doing it. 7-1 or 8-1. Nick's going to quit. Whatever they lost. And Casey wouldn't let me tweet it,

but I so badly wanted to tweet. I'm getting out somewhere. I'm not saying it. I'm just saying it would have been something like Donald Trump. I didn't say it. I was going to say just something that I thought would have been a little bit funny. Maybe is I wanted to tweet.

Thank you to the Bruins for taking the night off. Jacob Blake. Solidarity. Shame on the Lightning for playing. Could you? Shame on you, Tampa Bay, hanging seven goals on the night that we were standing in solidarity with Jacob Blake. You made it all about yourselves, Tampa Bay. Good for the Boston Bruins.

Boston, a town with a long history of standing for racial injustice just just living up to their reputation being one of the good guys and ally as they say oh mr yawkey is proud today. That's great. That would be a 2010 tweet, man. Unbelievable. That's a comedy club. In the comedy club, it would have played big time.

Okay. Am I the asshole? We are the assholes. We are the assholes. I am the asshole. In the last 20 minutes, I have joked about having sex with 14-year-old boys. And Rachel and Kwame. I'm leaving. I forgot about that.

This is how I felt last week. I'm happy. You know what? By the way, because that means this podcast is humming. This show is the best. It's the best. This show is the fucking best. It's the fucking best.

The amount of people who, because I kept saying, like, I am really embarrassed about my performance last week, and they're like, those were the best episodes you've done in years. Like, that was your best performance in years. So that's what the people want. They want to hear you say you're going to fuck a 14-year-old, and they want to hear you complain about your playoff loss in comparison to Jacob Blake. That's what they want.

That's what put asses in the seats, man. Hang on. I honestly have to go pee. You did say. This is goodwill hunting like he's just gone he did fights did text me uh saying this show is the best because oh uh so you you can you can you can chime in on this nick somebody said to me the other day because i thought i had my bad episodes you know i had those two episodes particularly the one where i said i would fuck my cousin i said that i would suck my own dick i said all sorts of shit right and then somebody tweeted me and said like the opening to today's show you guys are on one and i quote tweeted and i was like what was the

opening of today bad like i don't even remember was that one bad and you was like, what was the opening of today bad? Like, I don't even remember. Was that one bad? And you were like, you just tweeted back. Yes. And I already forget what it was. And well, and so fight says to me, let me see if I can find the text. He goes, I fucking love our show open with. So I think I want to get caught on to catch a predator.

So I have a reason to run away from my life. And it gets the wait a minute. Was the start of today's show bad, too? Like, I just forgot that he did the whole to catch a predator so i have a reason to run away from my life and it gets the wait a minute was the start of today's show bad too like i just forgot that he did the whole to catch a predator thing and i forgot that we were talking about like fucking kids and and the fans are like holy shit you guys are on one and i was like i couldn't gun to my head i couldn't tell told you what it was like those are the things that just blend into our show that's usually by the end of it like i'll go back and i'll like be picking out clips and that just totally skated by me yeah i mean that's what i mean like it's it's um it's almost like you know people are saying like 2020

it doesn't stop our show is the 2020 of podcasts where you know people like ordinarily on another show i just said john i said our show is the 2020 of podcasts meaning you know the the cliche of the year is like 2020 just won't stop you know and all these things that in a vacuum or in a different year those would be like the number one talked about things those are our moments on the show where i'm like i it just blends in add it to the list of 2020 we have murder hornets and fire tornadoes and kobe and this and that the other thing that's our show where it's like we've talked about fucking kids we talked about sucking our own dick we talked about incest and i just don't even realize man that's what the people fucking love let's get

back to i love this show yeah i read that that was your text i fucking love this show so much. Yeah, I read the text. That was your text. I fucking love this show. What was it? Because I had tweeted like, shit, was our opening that bad? And you go, I fucking love our show. Open with, quote, so I think I want to get caught in the ketchup predator

so I have a reason to run away from my life. And it gets the quote, wait, was today's start of the show bad too? So good. Okay, I'm good uh okay back on track here we'll start like i said we're gonna ease into one that i know this is gonna be the first ever i think i hope guarantee throwing the g word out that you i nicholas and 100% of our readers will be on the same page. Okay. I think so.

I hope so. Our readers? Our listeners. There it is. Am I the asshole for double dipping in my own sauce? So I'm at the table, and my girlfriend was eating McDonald's. I got a Nugs and a Quarter Pounder with fries and my girlfriend got a Big Mac and fries. I dipped my nugget into the sweet and sour and took a bite out of half the nugget

and then dipped it back in the same with the fries. All of a sudden, my girlfriend has a panic attack and she's like, oh my God, did you just double dip? That's disgusting. And she started, I love when they really describe it. It's like, she says, oh my God, did you just double dip? That's disgusting. And she started like fanning herself.

I guess she couldn't handle it anymore. And she just went into the living room because I have no table manners. She's pregnant. So I thought that it might be an irrational mood swing and she was being dramatic. So I called a friend and he said that it was absolutely disgusting

that you don't do that at the dinner table. I was confused as I know that double dipping is bad when you're sharing a sauce, like salsa or any other dip but uh i'm wondering now do i have bad table manners now he has an edit and he says uh i didn't i didn't expect this to blow up i wrote this in a rush uh the double dipping situation got brought up to uh her friend and her cousin and i got double teamed that it was nasty. And, um, so everybody in this guy's life is like, you're gross. And then I love, he has a extra edit,

a third edit. He's mad that people are disrespecting the sweet and sour sauce. Oh, if you're, Oh, suck a big fat dick. He goes, okay,

my last edit, but why y'all disrespect sweet and sour sauce like that? Sweet and sour is the goat McDonald's sauce. It's not even close. Yeah, I agree. I am actually not a huge sweet and sour guy, but I agree that out of all the McDonald's sauces, I'm the best. I'm a sweet and sour guy only at fast food restaurants. Yeah.

I don't get sweet and sour chicken. I don't get that. That's really it, though. It would be Chinese food, right? Yeah. Nobody has a bottle of it in their fridge, do they? No. I mean, I don't imagine so. It's possible, but I don't get that. That's really it, though. It would be Chinese food, right? Yeah. Nobody has a bottle of it in their fridge, do they? No. I mean, I don't imagine so.

It's possible, but I don't imagine. Burger King, when I get McDonald's, when I get Chick-fil-A, I get Polynesian sauce. I'm a sweet and sour guy. I saw the dog walk guys talking about it. What do you think is the best sauce in the fast food world? I think it's fucking McDonald mean, it's fucking... McDonald's sweet and sour has a fucking shot at the title, but I might go Polynesian.

I have a bad answer, but I stick by it. It's a boring answer. I think that the Wendy's barbecue sauce is fucking the perfect barbecue sauce. I'm not so much a barbecue guy anymore. I don't know why. I've never really done the sweet and sour for nuggets

I've never done, what's the other one there's another but the Wendy's barbecue to me is just like it's barbecue sauce, it's not fancy it's not special like Polynesian or Chick-fil-A or like, but okay never mind you know what, it's not really a dipping sauce

but I think the McDonald's secret sauce is king. It's just fucking ketchup and Thousand Island, right? Yeah, I think it's like ketchup. And it's only on the Big Mac? Yeah, but you can actually order it on other things. You can order it on other things. Really? Yeah, you just gotta ask for it.

Like I've gotten a double cheeseburger with it on there. I've never gotten like a cup of it. That's what you need. Because I would just eat my nuggets. How about this? I don't really like chicken McNuggets. I don't get McNuggets. I get got into like a cup of it. That's what you need because I would just eat my nuggets. How about this? I don't really like chicken McNuggets. I don't get McNuggets. I get Wendy's nuggets. I'll get chicken from

other places. I think that McDonald's chicken is pretty like it's the pink slime to me. It doesn't seem like real chicken. I don't get it anywhere very regularly, the McNuggets, but I mean, I have no problem getting them anywhere. They all taste the same to me. Yeah, see, I'm a little picky with it. McDonald's is getting into the spicy nuggets game. Yeah, I saw that. have no problem getting them anywhere. They all taste the same to me. Yeah, see, I'm a little picky with it.

Eh, McDonald's is getting into the spicy nuggets game. Yeah, I saw that. That'll be the game changer. Anywho, back to the question at hand. You can put your fucking dick in your own sauce if you're not eating it. Are you going to go against me on this one? I'm not going to go against you. It's not disgusting.

It's not gross. At all. But there's an etiquette to it. As I threw out the G word, I was like, John's going to be a fucking F word about his dinner etiquette. I know what's going to happen here, because you have your dinner etiquette thing. Yes, I do.

But I don't even know if this really applies to it. It's just like, I feel like when everyone dips, you have two moves. You dip, you bite, you flip, you dip, and that's it. If me and you are sharing. No, I do that naturally, too. It's just out of how I usually do it. It's just out of practice. It's muscle memory. I think it's all ridiculous.

I will honor you, and I will not double dip, but you can double dip in mine. I don't give a fuck. Something about it just bothers me. I mean, it's not like I... Even just chips, you dip a chip, boom, you get one bite, you flip it, you get the clean side, you get one more dip there, boom. It's not like I'm

taking the chip or the nugget and I'm like slobbering, and then I'm putting my saliva back in it. It's like, I know it touched my mouth, I get it, and I'm like like slobbering and then I'm putting my saliva back in it. It's like I know it touched my mouth. I get it and I'm not going to do it if we're in a group setting. But if you wanted to double dip on me. No I get it. I don't give a shit. You know what? Especially when your fucking girlfriend's

complaining about it. It's like you fucking ate my ass last night. We suck on each other's tongues and stuff. You're literally pregnant with my kid. Right. Do you want to talk about bodily fluids? I shot mine up into your fucking stomach. There's a human in there, and I can't dip my chip in twice?

Okay, but what do you think the poll will be when we put this out there? Because I was saying that in more hopes. Yeah, I mean, it should be 100 to 0, but I hope it's in the 90s and the 10s. Like that, to me, needs to be, that's the only thing I'll be satisfied with. It's your dip. It's your own dip. I get it, and I don't think he's in the wrong

or anything like that. I'm not trying to be that person. But you just would autopilot. You would do it. Instinctually, yeah. I'd just be like, boom, dip, bite, flip, dip, bite. But I mean, how about this? Then you're running into it.

Also, your fingers are touching the chewed part, and then. Not even flip, dip, bite. It's a fucking chicken nugget. You just eat that. That's one bite. Yeah. Well, I will say, though, I love. Everybody knows the rules.

I love the Wendy's barbecue sauce so much that I like to get it on every bite. I'll either dip the whole thing and eat the whole thing. But if I do take a bite, I will dip again because I just want that sauce. Yeah. I mean, the sauce is everything we eat is just a vehicle to get sauce into our mouth. That's it. No one likes fucking chicken. No one likes fucking french fries.

No one likes fucking burgers. You just want ketchup. Dude, when I eat one of my favorite meals in a cellar burger, I'll be cooking in the microwave. I just douse it in ketchup and mustard and relish and mayonnaise, and I can't even taste the burger.

A good burger I will eat. I'll raw dog it. Yeah, I had actually had a good burger last night. Like chuck or whatever, where it's like the meat's good. I'll do cheese as well, but I won't do a sauce when it's like high quality like chalk or whatever where it's like the meat's good. Yeah. I'll do cheese as well but I won't do a sauce if it's like a real good burger. I had a good burger last night. I went to Corner Bistro. Great burger. Which is over by my new apartment. That's your new joint right?

Oh. That place. It's open and everything good? You sit outside? Outside yeah. Yeah. Corner Bistro is a. It's actually one of those rare places where it's actually like you have more seating now. I know. Some places are thriving, man. Some places are really killing it.

But I went to my new apartment last night, and I couldn't get in because the key's hard to do. Classic. And I called the realtor. He's like, do you want to come by? And I was like, nah, it's good. That would be embarrassing if you have to call someone to just use the key for you. I'm just hoping... So where do you sleep? In the old place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still have to call someone to just use the key for you, I'm just hoping. So would you sleep in the old place?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still have my little apartment until the end of the month. But the, I just want to go see. By the way, end of the month, it's here. It's the 27th. Well, it's until, what, Monday or Tuesday? Yeah, but it's just funny. Like, these months are flying where it's like.

Yeah. When you said that, I was like, oh, he has like two more weeks. Dude, football starts in like two weeks. I know. Crazy. But the, I'm just really hoping my girlfriend can open the door. Instead of you. What's the problem?

Is it a funky key? Is it like a unique key? Yeah, it's like a weird. Is it one of those like rectangle type keys where it's like? No, it's just a regular ass key. You just can't open the door. What's wrong with you? You can't open bottles.

You can't open doors. It's just these with you? You can't open bottles. You can't open doors. It's just these four keys. It's just regular ass keys. It's just regular ass keys. What is wrong with you? I've seen, like, this is a car key, but I've seen, like, yeah, that's a door, right? Sometimes these are front keys. But those are just regular ass door keys, man.

Yep. So, corner B show is the show is really close. Hang on. I'm going to steal. So, it used to be Jackson Pollock's apartment. I told you this, didn't I? Yeah. I'm just reacting for the show. Oh, okay.

And his lover lived downstairs, and that apartment is still... It's still hers. It's still filled with her stuff. And she's... she's alive. She's dead. She's dead. And, but they can't figure out the will.

So it's been for like 20 years. It's been like, the will has been going back and forth. And as the realtor was telling me that I'm like, bro, I'm kicking that door in day one. And I'm just going to go find some Jackson Pollock. Yeah. Like 100%. How Jackson Pollock's one of those guys,

like almost like the reverse Picasso. You could tell me he's like really old old or really young I would have no idea he's fucking younger than Picasso well Picasso died in 73 Jackson Pollock died in like 40 something I believe oh see yeah that's fucking wild I mean he's older than Picasso right?

but I mean that's the thought that Jackson Pollock Jackson Pollock was a fucking entourage reference you know what I mean, that's like, yeah, the thought that Jackson Pollock Jackson Pollock was a fucking entourage reference. You know what I mean? I mean, he's from the 40s. Throw paint at fucking canvas. That really is one of the more. There is a whole generation of people who know Jackson Pollock from that Seth Green line.

What was it? He said, tell Sloan, like, I used to blast their face like a Jackson Pollock paint. Really? Yeah. That's when he, like, throws a fucking punch. He says something like, I used to blast her face like a Jackson Pollock painting. Really? Yeah. That's when E throws a fucking punch. She says something like, I used to blast her face like a Jackson Pollock canvas or something. Oh, I always reference Jackson Pollock when I talk about having diarrhea. Not comedy.

Either way, all splatters. Just all splatters. Jackson, what a legacy. Good for Jackson. Nick, can you break the tie here? Would you double dip on your own dip? Yeah, I don't think I do it often. Right, that's what I'm saying.

It's muscle memory, but like... I have no problem with it. You would do the whole flip and everything? Yeah, I usually do that. Even by yourself? Yeah. Fuck, maybe I'm in the wrong here. You guys are fucking losers.

You guys are a bunch of bitches. Worried about your own saliva going in your own mouth. Fuck you guys are a bunch of bitches worried about your own saliva going in your own mouth fuck you guys um so yeah maybe not 100 guarantee you fucking dorks let's go to something a little more debatable i think let's just go to the best headline am i the asshole for defecating in my mother's garden? Male 22. I just had to move back home. I've been unable to secure a job post-university.

Have you noticed that Am I the Asshole is very European? Yeah. It's always university and flats and all that. I was just going to say that. Literally just going to say that. I mean, maybe the account is just a British guy or whatever, but it's funny that all these stories, it's like you're all assholes in Britain. I moved out when I was 18 to go to university. I guess I shifted my sleep pattern

to make me stay up later into the night a few weeks ago I needed to have a poo I mean have a poo have a poo you sound like a British cartoon you sound like a Native American tribe we are the have a poos 2 or 3 in the morning

I poo I pull the flush this is just chock full of fucking British slang I poo. I pull the flush. This is I mean, this is just chock full of fucking British slang. I poo. I pull the flush. I wash my hands. I go back to bed. Seven in the morning.

My mother is waking me up, telling me I was too loud. I woke her up last night. The bathroom is right next door. So fair enough. The next time I needed to go, I made sure to go down to the downstairs toilet and not wake her up again early in the morning she's waking me up to quote see how I like being woken up when I'm sleeping which I think is crazy as the toilet is literally opposite side of the house to her

but somehow I still woke her up last week needed to go again after my mother had gone to bed I went downstairs did my thing didn't flush what I woke up to was far worse than if I had flushed as I was doing a shit as what I did was disgusting and rude to the household. I told my mother I had no choice as flushing in either toilet wakes her up.

She scolded me further and told me that if I'm going to use the toilet again at all after people have gone to bed, then I can pack my things and move out. If I need to poo, I need to poo. So the last two nights I have gone outside and pooed in some bushes at the bottom of the garden. Not exactly sure how my mother found out. Perhaps it was where I put the toilet paper in the bin, I would guess. But she was absolutely livid and is kicking me out of the house anyhow. I told her I needed to poo and she left me with no choice with her toilet roll roll but she told me that what i did was childish and i could have ruined her bushes i'm currently staying at a friend for the time being he also thinks that my mother was being ridiculous at least now i can

poo without being told off for the time being am i the asshole dude at the headline i was gonna be on his side because like yeah i just love pissing and i've only shit in public like not public but outside like twice i don't think i ever shit on the ground speaking of being in public this woman just flashed me her pussy outside i forgot to say that hey uh i got i got not just at me at the police too good for her they lifted her whole dress up and was just like y'all want this y'all want this she's like a chubby lady with what's it like a hooker skirt on Was she talking to you or the cops? She was talking to the cops Was it by any chance this chick just

Cupping her titties? God no Oh my god She's just gross man But yes I was going to be on the guy's side But like Not anymore By the way Dana just called me

and I saw that. I still love him. I don't know why I thought that was his last name. I think my phone is Dana Jacobson. That's the ESPN

announcer. Dana B. He's very famously Dana B. I got the number before Zillion Beers for all that. I don't know.

So I just put Dana don't know that is hilarious that's very funny Dana Jacobson we should just start calling him that and not tell him what's going on what the fuck but here's the deal so wait you are against the mother I know I'm with the mother

I'm with the mother I was on his side at first I don't know. I just like defecating in public. Again, not public, uh, outdoors.

Do you? I like it. I've done it rare. I don't, I don't defecating. Wasn't my word going to the bathroom. I like, I like a good outside.

That's a huge difference. Yeah. Peeing and shitting. Yeah. I like a good outside piss. Um, and then again the the shits i've only done publicly are i keep saying public outdoors are like probably two or three and they

look emergencies they're like you know pulling off the side of the highway like i'm gonna shit my pants how about when those hikers remember the nalgene bottles were hot in the streets yeah they're the nalgene bottles have a wide opening so that you can shit in them. What? I think so. Might have made that up. I remember hearing... Who the fuck would shit into a bottle?

Just shit? If you're hiking, just shit on the ground. I'm pretty sure that there was a thing about that. Nick, have you ever heard that by any chance? No. I didn't do that answer. No, I haven't heard of your made-up rumor, Kevin. But it's true now.

The bottle locks in the smell. It stays on the outside of your pack. I think it's a thing. There's no chance. What kind of psychopath would shit into a bottle? I'm trying to Google it. What should I Google? Because if it's written like

should i say defecate okay you know what i mean because it's like kind of like like if you were if you were to say like if you if this turns out to be a thing it's going to be written scientifically like not like i shit in the bottle i would you put your dick in it too or do you just piss on the ground because you can't shit without pissing although i did that the other day you pissed without you pooped without shitting yeah i pooped without pissing, although I did that the other day. You pooped without shitting? Yeah. I pooped without pissing. Did you already piss? I guess so.

Like the other day I peed, hopped in the shower, then I realized I had to poop, but I was done. I was empty, so then I was able to. I hadn't just gone or anything like that, no,

but I guess I was just out. I had a boner too. I have a boner almost all the time. Your dick is constantly hard. Good for you. I mean, it's, too. I have a boner almost all the time. Your dick is constantly hard. Good for you. I mean, it's at this age, you know? I kept saying, like, if you got hair, grow it. If your dick's hard, just let it be.

Dude, I mean, I jerked off three times this morning. What? I did. Between, like, what hours? 9 and 11. Were you doing, like, four? Also, I thought it was four. I what hours? 9 and 11. Were you doing, like, 4? Also, I thought it was 4. I just thought 3 was less weird. It was 4.

You keep lying about these things. You broke off. You went 11 instead of 12 times that you were fucking the other day. I just take it one down. I mean, yeah. We're in the trust tree. Why? I don't know.

Just fucking tell me the truth. The fourth time I did not come. I mean, I came, but I but i just like nothing came out i'm still really trying to find this fucking malgene poop thing okay yeah but you didn't answer my question do you put your dick in it and you piss in it well now that's the problem yeah yeah that would be i mean that you'd have to have an extremely small penis that's very close to you yeah you could do all that, you know, just shove it in and you got to fucking like pull it back to shit.

You're a fucking look. If there are any hikers, listen, our boy who does a hat like who gave us the hat because he was out hiking whatever trails he was hiking. See,

he put the dog poop in there, but I think it's a thing. I think now gene and poop is a thing that go hand in hand. I don't know about that. But anyway, the point here is

if you ever shit in a toilet. I don't know about that. But anyway, the point here is, if you ever shit in a toilet, and you don't flush it, you're a goddamn fucking animal who deserves to be kicked out of the house. Well, what if your mother is complaining about the flushing at night? Too bad, then! No, it's her too. I mean, I had to shit.

Yeah, okay. First of all, why do you always have to shit in the middle of the night, bro? That's weird. Like, that's like, all the time at 2 a.m. you need to take a shit? Yeah, very strange. You got to get on schedule here. Absurd. Yeah.

But if you shit, you have to flush. If she keeps yelling at you, then like, I don't. Then you got to move out, which is fine. But you're the asshole who's, you're an asshole who's ruining people's sleep and stuff because you have outrageous bowel syndrome. Yeah. And. You got to, you got to get, you got to work on your timing.

If you leave a, I had one friend growing up who had a... They were a... If it's yellow, let it mellow family. It's like, what are you, in a fucking Great Depression or something? Even with piss, I was like, this is fucking disgusting. Piss sometimes is almost worse because that smell is worse than the shit smell sometimes. I feel like the shit smell, it smells when you shit, but if it sits there in the water, I don't think it smells all that bad,

whereas the pee smell. I got a bone to pick. I got to air out some grievances here. Keegan Francis Clancy. We got a problem, bud. We got a problem. He just constantly shits in his pants. Constantly.

He's potty trained to an extent now, and he gets all proud of himself when he poops in the body but he'll also like the other day he's shitting his pants four times in like a night i was like how much more shit i was like i wanted to tell him like on number three i was like next time you shit in your pants because you're gonna get it all out so i don't want to do this again i'm also the type who like, you know, I'm not going to, I'm not, I'm not going to clean your,

I'm throwing that out, you know? So he's wearing like perfectly good clothes. I'm like, there goes another outfit. There goes another pair of underwear. I don't know why I'm like, cause every time I shit in my pants,

I just clean. Do you? Yeah. But what you guys, like a skid mark or like a, no shit. Like you guys, you made fun of me.

Cause I, I put that stuff in the wash. I was like, right. So stupid. I should've just thrown it away. You're right. me because I put that stuff in the wash. I was like, that's so stupid. I should have just thrown it away. You're right. Definitely. But from now on, the next time I shit my pants, I'm just throwing it away.

This little fucker, Keegan, will just run up to me and be like, I pooped in my pants. It's a good thing. Where's the shame? Have some fucking pride in yourself. Have a little bit of shame. You're being disgraced. Seriously. Did I tell you about that shirt, by the way? The Keegan vs. Everybody? have some fucking pride in yourself have a little bit of shame disgraced seriously the um did i

tell you about that shirt by the way the keegan verse everybody uh you found it yeah yeah yeah that shirt is very oddly like perfect for me so like like keegan bradley became the people's golfer right when keegan my son was being born and not only did it say keegan's a keegan verse everybody dave was talking shit about keegan a lot so it kind of was like keegan versus but jim renner was the original people's golfer and then he died you know and so we had the black memorial patch for him and it says jr and he's kind of kfc junior the whole thing came together oh wow yeah yeah i remember asking welker for those shirts like i was at the point where i'm not we weren't telling people what the kid's name was so i was like can

you just send me like some keegan bradley shirts and he was like why i was like just do it like you don't need to know um none of your fucking business so anyway back to the issue at hand i'll tell you why this guy's the asshole if you're gonna shit in the garden, cover it up. Take a hole. If you're just leaving human turds in the garden, oh, God. You're an absolute fucking disaster of a person. When you shit outside, how do you do it? You just squat?

I honestly don't know how many times I've done it. I think I went hiking. I hiked Mount Katahdin when I was like 11. And I'm sure I shit outside then. But the only time I really remember is I was coming home from Newport. And I pulled off the bridge and went to the woods. And I shit into a bag. Yeah. And I don't know.

And once I had the bag of shit in my hand, I was like, why the fuck did I shit into this bag? You could have just done the floor. But were you doing like the Asian squat like all the way? Yeah my hand, I was like, why the fuck did I shit into this bag? You could have just done the floor. But were you doing like the Asian squat, like all the way? Yeah. No, I was kind of just... Can you do the Asian squat? I can't. So I was kind of just like this. You just spread the cheeks?

No, I was holding the bag. That's what the hands are for. I wasn't spreading the cheeks. Check it out. I can kind of do the Asian squat. I actually kind of can too, I think. You don't know if I'll get this or should I come out in front of you? Let me come out in front of you.

No, I can't. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. This is the, as Donnie calls it, the hoon squat, right? I mean, it's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty solid. For me to like, I mean, the thing is, they smoke cigarettes for like 45 minutes. You know what I mean? But I think this is impressive.

No, we can hear it a little bit. Kevin's impressed that he can do the Hoon Squat. And he's right. It's quite good. I cannot do that. I tried momentarily, and it did not work. This is the flu game with my fucking neck, by the way. Breaking terrible news.

We have lost the gum patch. Oh, no! They threw it away? Threw it away. So what I did was I started another gum, and I'm just going to pretend it's Jessa Rose. Who do we have? We had Edelman, right?

We had Jessa Rose. Jessa, Edelman, and... And somebody else. Someone recently. Yeah. Oh, Rosebud. No, no. It was Rosebud or Andy.

It was like, it was one of those, because it was post-pandemic. Right. Remember they threw out, they've been thrown out all of our DNA. Yeah. It's unfortunate. It's unfortunate. Speaking of, quickly, your idea for the personality

genetics thing. We kind of found one that does it. Not as good as ours. But we got to do it. So what we need, I need a team of people to help us with this.

So, bother Nick. Email Nick. What we need is like a – Nick.Hamilton, the other Nick Hamilton that used to work. Do you guys ever hear the story of the KPC Radio intern who we thought died? There was a guy early on. My brother was still looking for help when he first was getting this off the ground. I think his name was Harry.

I've never heard of this person. Right, exactly. Was he on the show yet? No, I think this was early. Maybe it was a little more male time-ish, but it was pre-Charlie Wiscoe, pre-Tall One, pre- Steve Perrault used to do a little work for KFC Radio

before he did Section 10. We've got a long history that nobody knows about. But this guy Harry either started and did very little or was going down the road and then just bailed on it. But he just stopped. No contact, no email,

and his social media wasn't updated or anything. And my brother was like, I think this guy died. His footprint was just gone. And then he got an email recently this was like 10 years ago probably he got an email recently and the guy was like i i ghosted you and i'm like i'm so sorry for it like it was the stupidest thing i've ever done i think he was trying to angle to like get back in yeah now that's like a big deal but like we thought this kid fucking died and he just ghosted us that's i didn't i've never heard of wilds right yeah i'll ask uh i'll see if i can get like the email from and get the

details if you poop in the garden you gotta at least cover it up gotta cover it up fact they get fucking pick it up with a battle here a dog i know. Do something. You can't just leave human shit in the garden. This is one. No, okay. Sorry. Okay, next. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for asking my girlfriend to pay for a new

prosthesis? I thought that was prosthetic. Prosthesis? Definitely prosthetic. Yeah. Part of some European bullshit. I had an auto accident two years ago left leg amputated thought uh it would be the end of my active lifestyle uh got it you know i guess get a price got a prosthetic the guys were planning an rv trip on the weekend we had already chosen the destination which was spending some time out in nature to get away from the stress where you would shit on the ground. My girlfriend asked me if she could come along.

I told her, no, this is a guy's trip. Told all my buddy's girlfriends wanted to go, but that they were firm and they put their foot down. She laughed at me for this, then tried to convince me to let her come because she was feeling stressed out about being home 24 hours a day. I already made up my mind. I wasn't going to ruin the trip just because she wants to come on a guy's trip. I promised her a trip when I get back.

She got upset and didn't like the whole idea. That was one sentence, by the way. He just actually broke that. It's crazy how bad writers people are. Later on, before I went to sleep, I took my prosthesis, prosthetic off, as I do every night. This is my second prosthetic. I've already completed a wearing schedule during my first year and had to get another prosthetic to accommodate any physical changes I had.

Whatever. I woke up in the morning, couldn't find my prosthetic. I looked where I put it. It was gone. I asked my girlfriend if she was doing any heavy cleaning around the house. She said she didn't see it. I was confused. It was near my bed.

I asked her to stop being childish and playing games and give me back my prosthetic. Again, one long, wrong sentence. She's a bad liar. Couldn't even deny it. And she said she wanted to hide it so that I won't go on the trip and leave her alone. I got mad. You're hiding this man's leg. You're a monster.

A monster. An absolute monster. I got mad at her for this. I was stunned to find my prosthetic hidden underneath an auto part in the garage. It had been damaged. It was placed in a possession where it had a crack. It was obvious it was no longer functioning properly. I mean, I could still wear it, but I couldn't put my whole weight on it because it would break.

I yelled at her. I showed her what she did. She said she didn't mean it. It's $7,000 worth of damage. I told her she ruined everything. Can't go on the trip. She got mad and left. I basically had to use my old crutches,000 worth of damage. I told her she ruined everything. Can't go on the trip. She got mad and left. I basically had to use my old crutches,

and it felt horrible. I called the guys, told them I wasn't coming. It's been a few days. She's mad that I'm asking her to pay for the new prosthetic, calling me a, a, asterisk, a with four asterisks. That's it?

Asshole? I don't know. That's not enough words, but I'm assuming. Yeah, asshole. Yeah. And she's mad. I mean. You're so definitively not the asshole. Put your foot down.

Not only did. Let's look at the results. Not only did... Let's look at the results. Not only did you ruin my weekend with the guys. That sucks. Not only are you causing me to lose $7,000 worth of something, you're causing me to use my old crutches to get around, which I'm sure not only sucks, but it's probably

traumatic that you're remembering the time you lost your leg. And all of this is about hiding someone's leg like if you ruined my trip and did seven thousand dollars worth of damage to my car and all these other things you'd be the asshole but we're talking about my leg yeah if you want to let me go and then call me non-stop like every other girl does every other girls you want to ruin a guy's trip give him the silent treatment for the whole week leading up to it call him the whole time don't hide my when you come back give me the cold shoulder for two

more weeks i remember being like i can go on the guy's weekend but it will cost me one full month i can have 48 hours with my friends it'll be one month of misery with my girlfriend. But don't hide my leg from me. You're a monster. Actually, it's not a word that gets overused. I actually think it's an underused word. You're a monster. This is the thing with girls.

You lie about it. I don't know what happened to it. What are you talking about? I went to bed last night and my leg was right here and now it's gone so this is one of the more ridiculous ones we've done by the way just talking about like my leg you hid my leg you broke my leg yeah to just be like i don't know did i mention any ages like that that that might 24 so she's probably yeah she's 24 too i mean girls are crazy. And I know, you know, I usually generalize and you usually will stand up for the girls. You've had better experiences in your life where girls are more normal when it comes to these things.

Not all the time. Yeah, right. More recently. Yeah, recently. You've seen the light. But I do believe that when it comes to things like this, guys' weekends and spending time and the girl wants to come and you said no, more often than not, it's going to be a problem with your girl. But like I said, it usually adds up to you're not going to have sex with me and you're going to be this cold shoulder and you don't steal someone's leg. You don't steal a leg.

You don't steal someone's body part. What is that from? Break. You don't steal someone's leg. You don't steal a leg. You don't steal someone's body part. What is that from? Break. You don't steal a leg? No, it's not. You don't steal a leg, but. Oh, oh, it's from Always Sunny. When they were talking about the, they're in the guy's house, and they're like, tying his shirts in knots.

But you don't steal a guy. I forget exactly what he says, but it's fair. Tying shirts in knots is one of the best things. By the way, I recently... Dying shirts and knots. My girlfriend didn't know about that whole episode when they're doing the fucking... They cut the shower.

So he's taking a shower. People be like, see his dick. And then he's like, I'm doing his taxes. Next time the IRS is going to audit the piss out of him. That whole episode is so fucking good. Doing these taxes. What's the line in the fire? I am legend.

Have respect, idiots. I am legend or something like that. Have we ever made that a t-shirt? No. We've got to put that picture on a t-shirt. That's pretty good. But I showed my girlfriend the other day. It was in between periods because it's beautiful. It's like 22shirt. That's pretty good. The, but I showed my girlfriend the other day, the, it was in between periods,

because it's beautiful, like, the streaming, it's like 22 minutes, 20 minutes, boom, done. The,

fucking, gang desperately tries to win an award, and, I mean, it is, it's, it's gotta be one of the best episodes of television ever. Because,

like, when you understand what, like, their, what they're meaning is, they're talking about their Emmys. Yeah. Every time I was like, oh, I wonder,

you can't be too black because then you never win it. It's like, well, no, then you're a black show. Then you're a black bar. Those don't win awards. It is all so fucking funny and good. It's unbelievable. Can I tell you how warped my brain is real quick? Side note.

Sure. Because you're always talking about getting raped and stuff. When you said in between periods, I just thought you were able to have sex with your girlfriend. No, we were watching the Bruins Lightning Game. And also, another horrendously perverted and warped thing. The other day, I took a day off to go swimming with my kids, and your girlfriend had texted me asking for videos, and it was when we were talking about OnlyFans left and right.

She was like, send some videos if you got them. And I was like, is this my OnlyFans girlfriend? I was like, I have subscribed to a couple. I can send you some. I thought it was of you. No! I have some decorum. I'll send her other naked people.

And then I quickly realized she meant, like, of my kids swimming. It's like, oh, man, my brain is like, when I'm in dad mode, it's in single guy mode. It's a warped, warped world. I mean, full-blown, you're the asshole. All right, now it's time for our voicemails. It's brought to you by Screwball Whiskey. Screwball Whiskey is changing the industry.

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I'm into that. Advertisement by Screwball Spirits LLC, San Marcos, California. Whiskey with natural flavors and caramel color, 35% alcohol by volume. KC Fights, Super Reducer BC. Just trying to enjoy my Saturday here. I had a situation happen earlier this morning. I've been letting my girlfriend use my car. And so she parked it outside of a construction zone.

And it was in a free spot area. I live in Philly. And essentially what happened is we went to go get the car earlier this morning, and she had parked the car there for probably two days. And we came back to the car, and there was cement, like, all over the one side of my car. And so, like, they must have been pouring concrete or something. And so we took it to an auto body dealer, and they were like, this is going to cost, like, $170 to get this removed right now.

And so what happened is we decided to go through with it and we were like, all right, fix the cement off the car. Like get the cement off the car right now. Like can't have that. And so essentially she won't pay for it. And I feel like she should have to pay for it because it's, you know, she parked the car there. So like it should be her responsibility to get the cement off the car. But she's saying that we should split it or that I should pay for it because it's my car. And so what do you guys think? Am I the asshole for making her pay for it or is she the asshole for

making me pay for it? Thanks. I think you're both the asshole. Yes. Obviously, she should pay for it. First of all, I didn't realize it was only going to be $175. That's not that... It sounds like it should be like you need a whole new car.

Right. Cement is splattered all over the place. The, what was I going to say? Yes, she should pay for it. But as you get older, I don't know how old this caller is. As you get older, you realize some fights are not worth $170. And you're not paying to fix your car. You're paying to not fight with your girlfriend.

Yes, that's so true. You're not worth $170 every single fucking time. That's so true. You know when creepy guys say, I'm not paying for sex, I'm paying for a leave? It's like, yeah, you're obsessed with hookers, dude. But the logic does stand in certain instances. And it's like, the word I just used there, logic.

You're going to run into situations in your relationship where you are thinking logically. In certain instances. And it's like, the word I just used there, logic. You're going to run into situations in your relationship where you are thinking logically. But you are talking to a beast that is irrational. When the girls are upset or when they feel like they've been backed into a corner or when they know that they're in the wrong. Like if it really was her idea to park there and it totally backfired. She's not, they're not going to just be like, oh shit, my bad. They're going to spin and spiral and try to blame it and it totally backfired she's not they're not gonna just be like oh shit my bad they're gonna spin and spiral and try to blame it and whatever and you're not gonna win that battle no it's just i mean it's 170 and what you do is you pay the 170 and then you make jabs and jokes about it the rest of your life like you're out with friends you're drinking it's like oh that's

like the time suzy remember that you fucking idiot and you get it in you get your jabs and she knows deep down that you're right. But you did the right thing, and you paid for it. And by the way, this goes for, all right, if it's $170, I say, that's not enough. Just pay it. And if it's $5,000, then it doesn't matter if it's a little or a lot. Because then it's like, well, that's too much to make her pay. You'll never hear the end of it.

So either way, you're paying for this. And that is a metaphor for basically relationships for a lot of guys where it's just like, yeah, this doesn't make sense and you shouldn't have to, but you have to. This is the way it goes. Hey,

KFC, Spice, super, super producer and, uh, uh, intern, if you're still there,

how are you guys doing? I got a quick question for you. So would you rather know a lot about like a few topics, so be a complete genius on maybe two or three topics, know every detail in and out, or would you rather know a little about a lot of things? So for example, there could be a hundred subjects and you could know a little bit about each subject and to seem like you have a lot of knowledge because you could be dropping fact bombs about you know each topic or would you rather just be a complete genius about say three topics and know every single detail in and out uh you know if you weigh them out you know at a party you could just everyone could be like look at this

guy he knows everything because you're dropping a million facts about a million different things. But on the other hand, in a certain community about, uh, you know, one certain topic, they'd be like, look at this guy. He's a God. He knows everything about this said thing. So I don't know. Let me know what you guys think. Just a question that was on my mind this morning. I think this is one of the easiest questions I've ever been asked in my whole life.

What's your answer? I would rather know a little about a lot that's what i say but like i mean you can like get rich if you just know everything about a certain topic you can get rich the other way too look at joe rogan yeah joe rogan knows like two or three facts about everything in the world and that's it and he's fucking the most powerful guy in america that's the i guess it depends on if i know everything about like how to cure the coronavirus right now sure but if it's like you know man this guy knows like everything about like you know wooden tables it's like great i'm not trying to be ron swanson exactly yeah yeah life is okay you know when you're out golfing and you can you know but

you hit like four or five good shots a day, right? And you're like, okay, I've shown the world I can do it. You see what I can when I'm operating at my best. You see what's possible. That's like you just need three or four good shots about every topic. Yes. That's all you need. Absolutely.

And people will be like, oh, he's a fucking genius. Because most people don't know anything about anything. Exactly. I use Joe Rogan, and I think some people use this almost as a knock on him. I don't. I think this is a great trait of his. He knows just enough, more so, than most people do. I've read an article on a topic.

Joe Rogan can just reference one scientist and one other thing. And so you listen to him and and then he's obviously great like he's personable and like knows how to explain it but like in if forget about if you're a podcast if you're that guy people will be like you know maybe you don't want to know this because then people come and bother you a lot but it's like yo john john can figure that out like talk to john he knows about those things but i think that you you knowing just enough about everything you are versatile you know you can i can help you out like we can try to build this thing i can tell you about sports i can tell you about women i can uh you know whatever it is whereas it's like

if your one topic doesn't come up you're useless now i mean if i if i was an expert at something i would just like make that my life so that at all times, you know, it does come into play. It's the only thing people even consider asking me about. Yeah, right. But, like, I'm just – If you show up to a party or whatever and it's like, okay, anybody want to talk about, like, pianos? Because I'm, like, a piano expert. Otherwise, you're useless.

Yeah, no thanks, bro. Not interested. Yeah. The – and I don't know a little bit about everything, but I know a little bit about a lot. I'm closer to that. Do you think that's a male trait? Again, as always generalizing, but like I've had like I know like because I watch like ancient aliens and like I'll catch like a dumb like history documentary or whatever.

And sometimes I feel like I know these things and girls that I'll talk to, but how do you know that? I'm like, I don't know. How do you not know some of these things? Did you not like soak up any shit? You know what I mean? Like I'm not like an expert, but I just – I know some facts. It's like Jeopardy facts where it's just like, I don't know.

It's stuck in my brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like girls just like don't care about stuff like that. Okay. Stereotypical. I can see you being right. I have definitely impressed girls with my brain before, which is shocking. Isn't that like the bar is really low here.

It's like I just remembered something. That's all it really is. I don't know anything. It's just like one time I heard something on television and it stayed in my brain. Oh, you know things. Not really. Right. But I'll take it.

I will take it, man. So, yeah, I think a lot about a little. A little about a lot. A little about a lot. A little about a lot. Last voicemail is brought to you by Indochino. Indochino, it's hard to find clothes that fit you right. It can be very challenging, especially if you're skinny fat like me or you got the puffy nipples like John.

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Use the promo code KFC, get 30 bucks off any purchase of $3.99 or more. What up, KFC? Fight Super Producer BC. I'm listening to Thursday's podcast and KFC, you said if fights had a Ford f-350 dick that you could not be friends with them anymore so my question is what other things like you guys are so in step most of the time what things could you hear and when you hear it about the other it's game over like we cannot do

the pod anymore i can't even that's an interesting question. For real. What would it take for one of us to call it quits? I don't think it's anything. If you went on a horrendously racist rant. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would do it. Right. Racist shit would do it.

Yeah. Like a racist meltdown. I don't think a sexist meltdown would do it depending on what you said i think you would have to say some seriously magic words for me to totally bounce yeah i mean like i i don't think there's anything that would be like and by the way not only just out of like friendship but out of like well then i'm out of a job right i don't want to cut my own face you know Cut your nose off to spite your face here. It's a fucking tough-ass question.

It's all serious answers. You need to assault somebody. He doesn't assault a girl. He assaults a guy. A girl, yeah. Oh, that's what I meant. I just didn't want to use the R word. But basically, you need to R word someone. I don't think you can assault a guy.

No, it's just called you beat him up. Which I think would be pretty cool. We talk about it. Today's segment someone you can assault a guy no it's just called you beat him up uh which i think would be pretty cool we talk about it today's segment john beat up a guy uh there'd have to be like some assault on a girl uh horribly racist tirade um that's like it it's like uh you know it's like kind of like america it's like don't talk about dogs and don't do blackface like don't be racist and don't be basically like you need to cancel the show before I break up with you. The preemptive breakup. If you ruin the show, then I'm out. Right. So actually, the answer here is there's nothing.

Right. Because in order for you to do what it would take for me to break up with you, our show would be canceled. And then I'd be like, well, I don't have to break up with him because there's no show. Yeah. So I would just still secretly be your friend and be like that was crazy when you went on that racist rant but i wouldn't have to publicly disown you because the public would disown us yeah we'd be out of the job anyway interesting huh then we'd start an only vans this is kind of like the 14 year old boy thing it's like that sounds pretty good

fuck you bella thororn uh but yeah i mean that that's really like it would have to be like the the nuclear options if you had a weird pinky toe i'd probably be out and i probably do yeah you want to take a look i can't think of you know that and then if you had a huge dick if If you, I do get upset when you're in shape. I'm like, fuck, I'm the ugly one now. So if you became super hot, I wouldn't break up with you, but it would change the dynamic. I'd be like, he's clearly the hot one.

Really? Like, we're good. We're even, you know? We're pretty even. It's like, if you were just like super hot and they'd be like, oh, there's KFC radio. It's like, Dan's the mustache one and BFT has the long hair and like KFC radio, there's the hot one and Kevin. I'd be like oh there's kfc radio it's like they're like dan's the mustache one and pft has long hair and like kfc radio there's the hot one and kevin i quit fuck you john that's a great one i'd probably do the same i'd probably do the same we're so vain if it was just

like like yeah i want to fuck that guy with kc radio like not feidelberg right come on come on come on yeah i always think about that with with the boy bands where it's like, Chris Kirkpatrick's like, I know they're here for Timberlake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess the paycheck's good enough, but he can't go home happy. So stay mediocre, John. I'm in these fucking stupid pants. You see my hair?

You see my dumb fucking pirate dreadlocks? Jesus Christ. I'm wearing fucking pants. I got a hot topic. You think I'm having fun up here i'm like 40 okay all right violet benson time violet uh you know her from daddy issues on instagram she got her own podcast now called too tired to be crazy uh very impressive girl russian immigrant who kind of like started from nothing and is now she's just worth like millions of dollars and you can just hear her being like humbly talking about it,

but it's just like, oh yeah, no, you're fucking filthy rich. I can tell by the couch. Yeah, her house. It's a rich person couch. You just know, right? I don't have a couch like that. All right, let's do it. Violet is brought to you by Miller Lite.

So, you know, you sit down, you have a conversation like this. You got a pretty girl and you want to impress her, crack some jokes. You're out on a date, doing a podcast interview, showing how you're having a conversation or crack some jokes. You're out on a date. You want a podcast interview. Showing how much you know a little bit about everything. Exactly. You open up a Miller Lite. If you're John, you give it to your buddy to open up a Miller Lite for you, and then you pass it back to him.

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now, unfortunately, you still might not be able to go to the bar. You still might not be able to go to the bar. You still might not be able to order at the restaurant, but you can get it delivered right to your front door. You can have some friends over, stay socially distanced six feet apart while drinking your Miller Lights. If you're at the bar, if you're lucky in New York or places that are open, you can sit outdoors, get a little taste of Europe while still enjoying the nice Midwest Milwaukee, Wisconsin beer. So go to MillerLight.com slash KFC to find those delivery options near you. One more time. That's MillerLite.com slash KFC. Violet Benson.

What's up, girl? Yo. Oh, what up there? Look at this move. Shit. The tie-dye shirt, the purple hair. Go off, queen. And I'm on my own microphone.

There you go. Moving on up. That's right right how we doing good like half awake right now but like about to super wake up for you guys all right let's do it well that's good because john is probably in worse shape than you are so oh yeah why oh for the worst reason possible listen to this story I ate a gummy bear yesterday. It's 9 million Scovilles. It's like an ultra, ultra hot gummy bear. You know Hot Ones? The show Hot Ones, the last dab, their hottest hot sauce is 2 million Scovilles.

This gummy bear is 9 million. And Violet, it is wreaking havoc inside of me. He has been, it's been like almost 24 hours now. He's sweating. He's dying. I can't stop sweating. This little gummy bear has just destroyed him. It's kicked his ass.

I just canceled therapy. I'm here for you, of course. I wouldn't miss this. But I just canceled therapy. I was like, I can't be here. I have to go. I love it. Let's go. Violet Benson's back on KFC Radio.

What's wrong with you, though? I'm dropping stuff. Yeah, what is it? What's wrong? It's early. It's just early there, huh? You don't like waking up early? No, I took edibles last night. Alright, so you probably ate some gummies, too. Gummies are fucking everybody up.

Yeah. All right. I get it. Dragging a little bit cause the edibles, but you're here now. And, um, I'm proud of you because last time we talked,

you had a billion followers and no podcast. And I was like, you should start a fucking podcast. And you have, and it looks like it's crushing. Correct. Yeah. Good move. Good. Oh, humble about it's crushing. Correct. Yeah. Good. Good move.

Good fucking move. Oh, thank you for being so humble about it. I love that. It was worth it. It was worth it, right? I don't know. You know, I am humble, but I just try to go by, I'm not saying that men do this more, but I just kind of go by like, if you don't believe in yourself, then how do you expect

other people to? So it's kind of like fake it till you make it. So I'm just constantly like, I would hype myself up. So then other people want to hype me up. Yo, that's the message right there. If you can fake it till you make it, you can be anything. And I feel like, I mean, uh, daddy issues are so big. And then obviously with caller daddy and just the way, like the, the market has kind of gone towards like girls who can just say whatever the fuck they want and be funny and be sexy and just like do what basically guys have done forever like you were in the perfect spot to just take it and run with it yeah I would say like Daddy Issues is definitely like the the original Daddy and I'll

always hold that title I have no problem with like other people coming in and doing similar things to me because in the end of the day, there's no such thing as be someone being original. And it's just up to you then to reinvent yourself constantly. Wow. I'm about to sneeze. Let it rip. Let it rip.

Let it rip. God bless you. God bless you. Two times. God bless you. How good, how good did that feel? You wait,

you're allergic to your own cat. Yeah. No, that's a conversation for right now how do you have a cat if you're allergic to it i didn't know i would be allergic to her she was my first animal that'll do it yeah she kills me but um anyway you make it sound like you're joe exotic my first animal i've never had an animal before but you make it sound like i you have like a whole bunch of fucking animals like you have a zoo in the back no but like i've never had a dog or a cat like i didn't grow up with one you know allergic to tough yeah go ahead continue uh okay so anyway so i i get it like i'm the original daddy and um my account's always going to be like

one of those og accounts, which I love. But like, I feel like what I did with my podcast, it's a little different is that it's actually mostly not about sex. Like a lot of the time, it's more about like, self healing or like other type of issues. Yes, it's about sex, too, because I love talking about that. But like, that's not the main thing. So I feel like that's how now with my podcast, I'm able to like, reinvent myself and again, be a little bit different. Yeah, man. I mean, that's, that's the name of the game. Like shit just keeps changing and evolving.

And if you keep being a one trick pony, you know, eventually it's going to run out. Although that's kind of what we've been doing. We haven't really evolved. We're just a one trick pony. We just keep doing it. One trick. One fucking trick over and over. What's your one trick? Are you a daddy personally? Do you say daddy? Yeah. You do? Like in bed person? Do you say daddy? Yeah. You do?

Like in bed, will you actually say daddy? Honestly, I feel like when I was younger, my ex-boyfriend wanted me to say daddy, and I was just like, I don't know. Like my dad and I are finally working on a relationship. It feels so weird. I just got through these daddy issues. I'm not trying to open it back up.

It's like he wants to call me, like I have to call him daddy when he's fucking me from the bag. But then my dad is calling me. And it's like I wrote it in my phone. It was still called his daddy. I have to change that. Can't have that. It was too weird for me.

I've had that happen once where I was sleeping with a girl who was constantly saying, yeah, daddy. And I was like, in the one time, I was literally inside of her. I was like, I, in the one time I was literally inside of her. And I was like, you got us. I feel, I think you were the first person ever. You, you, you, cause you remember when it happened, right? It was like, it was like 2012. And that girl was saying, call me daddy. What the fuck?

Whoever that chick was some random chick on the road in the Northeast. She was ahead of her fucking time. She wasn't a totally random chick. She was a nice girl. I like her and I respect her and all that stuff. But she said daddy too much. I like when guys call me daddy. There you go.

Not in bed, but just like conversation. Wait, wait a second. You've been having sex with someone who in the middle of having sex with you has said, yeah, daddy? No, I feel like I wonder, maybe as a joke, if I made them say as a joke, but not like they didn't mean it.

I mean, it better be. When we're not having sex, I like when a guy calls me daddy and makes me laugh. I make you a solemn promise right now. I'm never going to call a girl daddy while I fuck her. Oh, man. It takes a lot.

It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable at the thought of calling a girl daddy. That's it. It did it. Shit. So how do you find the podcast to be therapeutic then? Because that's I mean, I find the business basically my therapy is this is the place where I just get all my shit out. And if I didn't have the podcast,

I'd probably jump off a bridge. Honestly, I do because there's, I edit my own episodes and people don't sometimes you listen to an episode. It's like, Oh, she's, she's crying on this one. Oh, okay. She's crying again. And they really don't know how many times I edit out all the other times I'm crying that I take it out. It like i would say yeah it's definitely therapy i'm just like oh he's just crying people are like damn you talk about sex all the time hon i'm like have you listened to

my podcast it's literally just me crying and it's i mean i'm 100 more honest on this podcast than i am in therapy i lie in therapy all the time. I refuse to tell my therapist the truth. It's so stupid. I wouldn't say I lie. I omit. I boldface lie to my therapist, John. It's so stupid.

I do too. I don't know. I'm not trying to admit what I do wrong. I know when I'm wrong. I'm not just trying to fucking celebrate that. I'm not telling you this shit. After a while, you keep secrets from your therapist. You're just like then i'll be like you know it's fine whatever like i don't even care about it and then we'll like talk about something else and i'm like damn why am i paying this woman my therapist exclusively

exists and tiff i love you i really do you're awesome. But exist to run game on what would work on a podcast. That's all I do. Just working out material. Just seeing if it plays. She's your producer. Yeah, basically. You're doing like a pre-production meeting. You're doing like a pre-production interview.

You should add Tiffany to the producer credit because I'm running game. I'm like, nah, that flopped. Oh, man, i love it um last time you were on the show you were talking about um some of your hookups with a basketball player and i don't know if you saw this but today uh this chick went on uh do you know the no jumper podcast yeah so this girl went on the no jumper podcast and told adam that uh she was once at a hotel hooking up with this dude and that seven dudes from the phoenix suns showed up at the hotel and she just blew all of them and uh priding herself by the way on not actually having sex with

them she's like i didn't have sex with them i just blew them but um it's like about to take the internet by storm it like just came out now and this girl is just airing people out i mean she started out being like a little bit coy and then in the on instagram comments she's being like it was the suns it was this guy this guy went first this guy went second horrible there's there's there's there's there's a code to the game i feel like she didn't have to name names right it's just the phoenix suns that's not it's the whole it's the whole team but i feel like that's kind of like violating the the rules of the game what do you think okay i don't think it's violating the rules of the game it's just like i feel like it's kind of what you sign up for if you're famous in general every time you

hook up with somebody it's up to you to figure out whether or not they're going to open their mouth but i don't understand like obviously my whole brand is very pro women and like it's up to you to figure out whether or not they're going to open their mouth. But I don't understand. Like, obviously my whole brand is very pro women and like it's for women. It's woman empowerment, but I don't, it's hard. I never understand when girls are really proud of themselves when they don't fuck, but they give head because it's like,

what did you even get out of it? You blew the whole team for what? Did you get a car? Like you, did you come? No, you got nothing. All you got was just like you did you come no you you got nothing all you got was just like cum in your hair that's gnarly and a story i honestly i'm so on board with that i've

heard i when you hear a girl be like i only blew him like that's that's way worse that's way more in my mind like if like if like if a girl if i was gonna if i was going after a girl and she had hooked up with a friend of mine and i was like deciding whether like that's you know i'm gonna like deal with that if i found out like oh i didn't bang him i just blew him i'd be like that's worse to me that's gonna be more of a problem for me than if you just had normal sex but most likely if i said that i probably did fuck him but i just wanted to know don't think i'm not like i know that i know that's what's going on we that's not like a trick that we're buying okay girls we know that you did but yeah when when a girl tells you like oh i just

blew him because she's trying to like make it less we know that you fucked like you probably did anal too give me a break you girls think that's been working all this time yeah no no no it hasn't no i like how i like how on the notes for Violet's episode and, you know, everything she's promoting, it's like, Violet can be as PG or as R-rated as you want. Seven minutes in, we're like, what's your deal on blow bangs? Yeah, we pushed that envelope real quick. Real quick.

Well, listen, that's the game. Yeah, I've been so, I've been so um like off of guys for well i mean i would say like this year it's more like i don't even really i haven't even i don't the last time i had sex was like beginning of april and i was with a guy because i don't really sleep around like i usually like like to recycle the men. The men I've been with. Classic move. Yeah, I know. Great, great. Going back to the well. The number doesn't go up. It's amazing. Yeah.

I hate myself for that. But anyway, so like I was sleeping with somebody. No, you know what? I hate men for the fact that we've put that upon you women. That you think that like that's a thing. Oh, Johnny Feminist has come out to play. Well, like your vagina doesn't get looser just because other penises have been in it. Yeah, it's crazy. It just doesn't happen.

It's crazy. It's crazy to think that we are like, your pussy will be loose if you have too much sex. But it's not like our dicks get thinner. Right. Imagine that if it was like, yo, your dick's thin because it's been in too many girls. No, that's not a fucking thing. I mean, obviously, it's not true. Obviously, every girl, I would hope she knows that's not the case.

I mean, your vagina literally goes back to normal after you have a baby. Like anything could fit in there if you tried. Yeah. It doesn't get lost. I got a secret for you. My dick is not even close to as big as mine. You could just like grab stuff off the walls, household appliances. Like anything can get in there really, guys.

That's right. So yeah, this year I feel like I've just like after that like i was just going on dates i'm like i wouldn't even kiss guys like i normally would be kissed on the first day like you guys said like in your notes she goes from pg to rated r really fast that's literally kind of how i am like i'm so extreme it's either like don't touch me or it's like should we fuck you know yeah but that's kind of like the best way to be, right? I mean, I feel like the thing that guys are always looking for is a girl who's like can flip that switch either direction. Like it's time to be classy.

It's time to be proper, whatever. But then like when we're alone, it's time to be an absolute fucking freak. Oh, yeah. But I feel like I'm pretty normally classy with guys. So anyway, like all these guys take me out like this and buy me flowers. They're just so kind. And I love that. And I'm not sleeping with any of them because I learned.

Apparently, that's what you have to do. Whatever. Yeah, it's a pretty fucking easy formula. I've been so but I've been so bored with even dating that I kind of got over it. And like, I haven't really dated anyone the past two weeks. But then this weekend I went out and I'm like I have a lot of good guy friends and we went out with my guy friends we um to dinner just a few of us they were like oh this girl's so hot like invite her and I always do this thing where I'm like a cock blocker without realizing I invite

her and then instead of her like giving attention to any of the guys like I just want all the attention so I ended up hooking up with her honestly that's a cock block but i'm that's the best kind of cock block i'm sure your guy friends were okay with that one yo i'm like word sure go ahead easily because i'm like yeah that was awesome there now when you when you say part of it i'm just like as long as you tell me it happened. Oh, good. That's all I need up here. We're going to go after that.

Did you go home with her? You mean you're like hooking up at the bar and stuff? Well, no. I mean, what bar we were? We went to my friend's house and like she basically wasn't every time someone goes to my podcast, like we just become friends. But she was on my podcast like two weeks ago or something. And she kind of made a comment that she's not fully straight so I was like okay cool like I remember that but anyway when she came over she just looked so good and I've just been so bored with life and I'm like oh you're fun okay and anyway we just end up just like um we all were

going in the pool and again like I'm the most innocent one so like everyone changing to bathing suits I'm just like no i don't want to change and i'm like okay fuck it i'll just go naked like that's how i go flip the switch so then i just went well went topless and then we her and i just ended up like randomly just like full-on making out with each other in the pool like it was like like the beginning of a porn but it didn't continue to a porn because finally i just like because she like pushes me like on top of her and we didn't continue to a porn because finally i just like because she like pushes me like on top of her and we're just like making out my guy friends and the other guys because some guys like this one guy was trying to get with me so they were all just like what the fuck again i i think john i'd be totally fine with that right like if you actually i would prefer

that if you told me like you're going for this girl tonight but at the end of the night she's not gonna hook up with you. She'll just be making out with the other hot chick in the pool. I'd probably sign for that. That's much more rare than just hooking up with a girl. It's a much better story to tell. Right. And I've actually only gone skinny dipping one time in my life,

and it was with a girl, and she didn't hook up with me. Oh, no. No. That hurts. That hurts. I mean, it's one of the wildest things that's going to ever, like, she just, like, she just saw my body and was like, not it. Nah, that's good. That's probably the worst feeling.

Ever. Because you're so vulnerable. Yeah, Violet, it is. Honestly, Violet, you have no fucking idea. You have, no, you do it. You girls have a great idea of this, actually. But guys also deal with it so much and it's not talked about like insecurity issues with girls is like a huge topic and with

guys it's just like i don't know man just like figure it out it's like i don't know they don't i don't know no no i've talked about it before i've talked about it before because it's just like when you get naked when you're about to have sex it's like very vulnerable for both of you because you're literally seeing each other naked and it's like so both of you need that confidence to feel good about yourselves because like you're both feeling insecure and really like nine times out of ten the girl's gonna be prettier or hotter or in better shape or whatever in my experience it's 10 times a hundred percent of the time the girl is always better in better shape than i am but the girl doesn't care because in the girl's mind, because of everything she's been taught, she's so much more insecure

than you are. It's so fucked, isn't it? It's so fucked. I wish we could just blow it up and start over. I was actually talking to Casey, who's a girl who works with us here today, and she's like, you've never hooked up with an ugly person? And I was like, never. But no one who's hooked up with me can say that. Right.

Every person I've ever hooked up with is like slumming it like they're they're fucking down they're like all right i guess i'll fuck this guy well there's something about funny guys like i'm not saying you guys anyone's slumming down with you but i'm just saying like i don't i'm never like i don't actually go for looks so then yeah well that's the only reason that i've ever had sex also the meanest thing like i don't really care what you look like i fuck yeah no as long as you're funny and like why are you telling me don't worry you two guys i'm talking to you don't have to be good looking

fuck you violet so wait to go back to a comment you made earlier, we just had this discussion yesterday on the podcast. You have these guys right now who are buying you flowers and shit. They're doing like these grand gestures. And is it working? I mean, yeah, because they get to go on a date with me or two, but then now I just feel like

it has nothing to do with the flowers. Is that really working? If it was somebody I would be into, yes. If somebody was also ignoring me and texting me at 3 a.m that also wouldn't work it just me now like i'm looking for like my purse my partner my like full-term partner so as i'm realizing that my standards have gone up like beginning of the year my standards were like do you have a job no that's okay just like move in with me that was like my standard at the beginning of the year because i was just so lonely and i was just dating guys who don't have jobs are younger

than me and i was like their mother and then my standards changed then i started fucking this guy used to bang which i love sleeping with him but i wasn't like that good to him and then you know we parted ways because i wanted him to find somebody that could love him the way i can't such a good person. Oh, yeah, you're a real hero. You're a real hero dumping this guy who loves you. Awesome. I love that spin.

He has a girlfriend now, and he's really happy. Oh, yeah, Jen. Maybe they'll invite you to the fucking wedding. Maybe you can marry them together, Violet. It's all you. That's the goal. But wait, okay, so okay so seriously though then after that i was like i need to start dating men other men and i started when i started to date it was like normally like i don't even kiss on the first date it's not even a rule just i'm not comfortable yet

it's really weird it takes me a second to like feel comfortable with somebody that's why a lot of the time like i end up dating like friends because i know them pretty well but anyway so the days i'm going now it's actually like an interview. So this time it's like, Oh, you don't have a job. Okay. Next. Like, I'm not just going to be like, just love me. My daddy issues are getting better. So no. Where do you meet all these unemployed men? LA man.

I feel like everybody in LA is unemployed. They're just trying to get a job. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, let's be, you can be honest be honest i mean you're killing it right so you're probably every guy you meet are you running into i know you're killing it because of that fucking couch that couch is so sick the whole setup i mean those feathery things in the background i love my thank you the art the everything is saying like yeah i make a bunch of now. So are you running into issues with guys who are like uncomfortable with a girl being a boss? That's I feel like that is a problem. Like first guys act like they don't care.

And then I'm just like, oh, I found like the perfect guy. And as long as a guy's motivated, like I like for me, it's one of my criterias. It's really hot if a guy's really determined. So even I'm OK if I make more money than these guys, because a lot of the guys I do meet, I make more money than them. Cause I'm fucking rich. So it's impossible to make more money than me. I'm so fucking rich.

Facts are facts. It is what it is. No, but like, that's okay. Like, I don't mind as long as the guy's really motivated. He has like a five-year plan and he's driven and he like,

I'm not his life. Like he like work. He puts it first. Like I actually prefer that. Oh, fuck you. The minute that you don't get the attention you want, you're throwing a hissy fit. No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

When he's like, I can't. Have we dated? I already know you. You're as soon as he's like, no, no, no. I'm not coming over tonight because I got to work. You're like, what bitch? Get over here. No, I'm like, OK.

You better be. You better live up to that. I wholeheartedly get that. Like, it doesn't really, like, you just have to have something you want to be great at. Yeah. It can be painting. Like, you can be fucking Pam from The Office.

And I don't, like, you don't have to be a famous painter. But, like, you need to have something that gets you up in the morning. It's the passion. The passion, man. Yeah. I just want you to be so passionate about what you do because it's so hot to me and it's inspiring to me. And then we inspire each other to be the best.

And, like, when I'm behind, like, I have also no problem sharing the spotlight or being behind my man's spotlight. Like, it doesn't bother me. I don't always have to be the center of attention. So it's like if it's one night all about my man, like, trying to get some deal, close a a deal. Like I'll be that sidekick and I'll say, Oh, do whatever you want me to do in order for you to get the deal. Cause that's so hot for me. And like, we inspire each other to literally be like bosses and like the best ever. Like, I love that. Okay. So let me take it to extremes. What would you think then would be the better direction to go if you're a guy and we're generalizing here, of course, but you're a guy

going after a girl to be like the asshole who like doesn't text or only text at 3 a.m like you said or be the guy who's like over the top flowers and like in your face too much where it's like annoying well it depends how much the girl likes him and also depends what he's trying to get out of it if guys are trying to fuck the girl and he doesn't want to date date her yeah do the 3 a.m thing because definitely she's going to be like he's so hot and cold like I can't like I don't even notice that he's so ugly but that his dick is so small because he's so

mean to me and now I want him I had the biggest smile on my face right up until we got to the end the dick part was like shit damn it I was like yup this is what but if a guy like gives me like flowers are romantic I was like, yup, this is what, oh no. But if a guy like gives me like flowers and romantic,

even if I didn't consider dating him before, for me at least, because I love those gestures, it will pique my interest. Like I feel like guys, I've gone on a few more dates than maybe we even should have because like I got distracted by like shiny things. What about just like straight text? Like just forget about gifts and flowers and stuff. Just texting, talking, communicating, giving attention.

Can you get too much of it? Yes. I mean, you definitely supposed to have boundaries. Plus it depends what each person likes because our love languages are all so different. So like for me, the reason I love a guy that works a lot is because I'm also working a lot. So if a guy was texting me all day, every day, I would feel overwhelmed.

And like I had to answer and it would annoy me. But someone else, like one of my best friends, this girl, she's a cancer. If zodiac signs matter, she loves that attention. So she needs a lot of that texting. Zodiac signs don't matter. I know. I know, guys. What did you say, Mike?

I thought she went, she has cancer. Don't be mean, she has cancer. I was like, okay. I am just learning about this love languages thing. Yeah. I'm going to look at it right now. I have no idea what my, the five love languages. I would be.

Touch, touch. Touch, touch. Words of affirmation gifts bitch do we date oh you're oh you're just listing them i thought you were saying what mine are okay mine are for sure you can have more than one you can only have one i think you can have more than one physical touch quality time done don't need the rest of them. Yeah, I guess. Really? Yeah. I mean, I don't need, I definitely don't need gifts. You could throw gifts out the fucking window. Gifts out, I hate gifts. But how do you show love?

By going down on you. Words, you know what I could maybe need? That's not the service. All right, so then I got them all. Then I, if I, physical touch and acts of service, bam, I'll go down on you. That's two birds, one stone. So I got that covered. How you love if I, physical touch and acts of service, bam, I'll go down on you. That's two birds, one stone. So I got that. How you love to receive the love and how you give it.

This is a whole fucking thing, huh? So like I give it by like touch. Yeah. So like I love the touch and then like I need it back with words of affirmation. Okay. I need, I need words of affirmation. People are too mean to me on the internet. So you have to be nice to me.

You have to physically touch me. You have to give me quality time. And then I'll kind of do, I'll, I'll do any of these if you want me to do them. You tell me what yours is and I'll deliver. I'll do it. And by the way. Yeah, I'll do them all. I don't need them all.

You guys, I'm just going to put it out there that you guys, you thought right now you did something, you did something so amazing, so different. You're like, oh, I'll go down. And you thought like, I'm about to get up and start clapping and give you like, wow, you're a hero. Thank you so much for serving this country. It's like, I'm sorry, but that's literally the bare fucking minimum. Text a girl and go down on her.

Thank you for being a man. Cause that's literally what you're supposed to be doing. We are heroes. If you want to go the extra mile. I want the crown and the sash. Hang on a second. We agree with you. We're like,

when anyone ever says that, like, we mean like, you don't go down. Like, I remember Olivia Munn had that happen. She was on Whitney Cummings podcast this week or last week. And she was like,

she's like, I had a boyfriend who didn't go down on me. Like, we just physically didn't understand what that meant. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense to me. I think you've got like sexuality issues if you don't want to go down on a girl.

Well, I think sometimes guys don't know how. Plus, girls get really weird about their vaginas too. Like, I get really weird. Like, the first time I hook up with somebody, I'd rather have sex before they go down me. Unless they're just like really good at it or they make me feel really comfortable. I always, it's like really

uncomfortable for a second. And like, I have to snap out of it i get that from a girl point of view i don't really get it from a guy point of view it's like you're bad at it it's like well how the fuck are you gonna get good at it violet i got a little fucking tip for you i don't know how you just fucking mess it up just go crazy you just get in there and go nuts it'll work something will find its way i've never read a book. I've never been taught. No. I've never watched an instructional video.

It's just an instinctual thing. You just get down there and you muck a barn. So do girls ever cum when you guys go down on them? So does that ever work? Have you guys ever made a girl cum? They definitely tell me they do. They are probably probably lying probably not as often as we would like buddy i i would like to think i've achieved it at some point no no fuck it i'm tired of being self-deprecating i know i make girls come every time i will give you multiples you'll be walking

away with shaking legs okay it's a fact it's just a fact how do you guys feel about girls using vibrators while they have sex let's go yes make this easier and more fun for me sign me up that's great yeah some guys get so weird about that well how about this how about the double standard with guys and sex toys if a guy has a sex toy he's a fucking creep and a weirdo girls can have a whole fucking arsenal of like machinery to come. Yeah, I mean, that is funny. It's like you used to play with Barbies. Now you're playing with vibrators.

Yeah, and if a guy's like fucking something or whatever, you'd be like, uh. If you met a guy and you went home with him, he's like, this is like the fleshlight that I fuck. Exactly, exactly that. That's not fair. That's what we call double standard. Fuck that. exactly exactly that that's not fair that's what we call double standard fuck that I had a flashlight that I fucked one time and threw it away before my girlfriend came over so she couldn't find it

exactly was it good? no I actually didn't care for it really so it wasn't like a it wasn't a big loss but I was I would still date a guy I would still date him if he was using like a sex toy that he was fucking i would think it's funny but then when we stop talking i would talk about my

podcast i would definitely make fun of you behind your back for it well i love it that's the kind of shit you can get on uh too tired to be crazy it's vilas new podcast of course daddy issues how what do we have followers now i mean it's got to be a ridiculous It's violence. New podcast. Of course, daddy issues. How, what do we have followers now? I mean, it's gotta be a ridiculous number. You don't even know. I don't know. Like 4.2, 4.3 million.

But then my personal Instagram is like 600,000. And then my podcast Instagram doesn't have that many followers. It has only like 85,000 or something. All right. So you got some work to do. Everybody go follow too tired to be crazy. Violet Benson and daddy issues. You can get more of this stuff and uh violet crying and as always we thank you for the time girl thank you so much for having me i had a lot of fun

see you next time bye guys i've got some missions that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the light for you It's only light, listen It's soundtrack to my life It's soundtrack to my life To my life, to my life To my life, to my life

To my life, to my life, to my life, to my life.