KFC Radio - Vir Das, Nate Bargatze Returns, and AITA: A Hairy Surprise

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review! AITA Thursday returns with a guy who storms out because his date didn't warm him she was hairy, a coworker writing erotic fan fiction about her office, and more. Voicemails include: Quarantine Birthday, Ballpark Cookout, and Wingman Exposed. Vir Das (Indian Comedian, Actor) joins us remotely from Mumbai. We discuss his latest stand up special Vir Das For India and the unique style which he shot it. We also talk about the similarities between Bollywood movies and Marvel movies, and much more. Nate Bargatze returns to the show. We talk about gettin caught up in the comments section, Nate's most recent trip to a sketchy reptile show, and the upcoming Michael Jordan documentary.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I paid for it. I had 70 bucks to get it here. You know what? Are we recording? Can you press record? Yep, we're recording. Yes, we are. Okay. Feidelberg, it's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

Feidelberg has a fucking record player now, and he is a record vinyl hipster, and I'm just going to chop like, I'm an asshole. I like I like my records. I like vinyl better. The sound quality is better. Fuck you. Oh, me and my brother. Just we work in the garage all day. Just you push up and listen up fucking Miles Davis play that fucking horn.

When you were talking about listening to Miles Davis records, but you didn't know what type of music he makes. It was just jazz. I didn't know what he did. He himself played. Played the horn. To get Taylor Swift's lovers here delivered. I needed it in quarantine. How much? 75 bones to get taylor swift lovers here delivered i needed it in quarantine how much five bones to get it

75 bucks to get something like three on your phone right now you did get like a 35 dollar um album i believe yeah but it was like do you want expedited shipping and i said whoa buddy yeah i do i'll take that right away. Thank you very much. Let me go play London Boy. I mean, dude, free, free. Took zero dollars, zero seconds. I've got it. We're listening.

You asshole. Look at his artwork. It's beautiful. I mean, honestly, it is nice artwork. It is. It's quality. You know, you don't have any more? Where are you going to find stuff like this?

It's the lyrics to the song. Oh, that? All right. You kind of swayed me. I do like both of those things. I'm a sucker for album artwork, and I do the old school booklets that had lyrics in them. Yeah. Those were dope.

And I do work for stuff like that. Is that the album or the single? No, it's the album. The album. Does that have the Shawn Mendes remix? I hope not. You don't like that? Nah, I like the original better. How about him

and Camila Cabello? Clearly on Superchug. Look at the vinyl of it. Fuck, this is all turning out to be pretty cool. Fuck. Damn it. You win this round, Vidalberg. let's we're gonna dive right into it because we have two interviews we got nate bargazzi and we got veer das a very funny indian comic so we got am i the asshole we got our voicemails it's gonna be a long

one as is so we're just gonna dive right into it uh m.i.s was brought to you by death wish coffee uh death wish sent over a bunch of actually you know what hang on one second because i think i might actually have a new cup to add to the rotation which is always big news we did uh we did our favorite cups on the run on on the podcast last, and everybody's got their favorite cups, and I don't know. This is more of a mug than a cup, per se,

but Deathwish sent this over, and it's ceramic and smooth, got a good handle, good weight to it. I don't know. It might crack the rotation in a big way. I got one of those myself.

Actually, Death Wish hooked me up because I'm obviously moved home and I brought a bunch of Death Wish as a welcome gift or as a gift. Death Wish hooked this up for us. It's a bunch of the

cold brews. My brother's crushing those. My mom's crushing the K-Cup. My brother's crushing the beans. We got the black cold brew, the lightly sweetened cold brew, the K-Cups, and the ground-up beans. Yeah, they covered it all. I'm not even a coffee guy, and I cracked open the lightly sweetened. And I don't know how much caffeine's

in the normal ones but this like in normal coffee this has 300 milligrams of caffeine and you can tell the difference bro that i mean that was like boom pick me up and right now i mean i laid out my day the other day like a fucking obnoxious asshole but it was like the most work i've ever done so i was like i'm gonna let the world know on this and i put up an instagram just chronicling my whole day started at 3 30 in the morning writing blogs and went through 10 30 p.m uh doing a lights camera bar stool game uh movie watch i mean we're working like around the clock now and i feel like i'm gonna have to become a coffee guy so death Death Wish is going to keep me rolling because we, I mean, through interviews, radio, rundown, podcasts, social distancing,

ATI, I mean, it is more content than ever. And I don't know about you. Are you sleeping? I'm not sleeping well. Did we talk about that before the show or is that just we both are really sleeping? No, I think the world is feeling it right now. Cause I'm, I'm like my three 30 to seven 30 every morning. Yeah. It's weird.

Cause I, I do feel like having a, like I get home from work, you know, you loosen the tie, you throw your keys on the table, you put your, you get ready for the night and then you're tired from a long day and,

and commuting and all that shit. This is just like, well, work is done. I guess I'll go to sleep now. And I'm just not really tired. And it's a strange thing. I did not expect the sleep to be an issue. But then I wake up and I'm tired.

So, I mean, the death wish is the only thing that's going to get me rolling in the morning. But, yeah, I mean, so you do 3.30. What do you do until 3.30? Same thing I do the rest of the time i don't know i have my phone open i have tv on that's i'm i'm i'm struggling with watching tv in the quarantine i read i read and then like because i had to get up to turn my light off so i can't i don't have like a bedside lamp. I read until I'm tired and then I go and turn the light off and then I put the TV on to go to bed and then I just don't get tired anymore. Yeah. I like,

I've been watching TV. I got one eye on my phone. Oh yeah. I'm not watching new shows. Although I did start the wire. Ooh, I was going to keep that quiet. Oh,

it's out now. Um, I did start the wire, but I'm watching it with my dad and my brother. So I'm not not like binge binging it because they don't have the abilities that i have that's what it is and that and this is why alone together is so important i i will watch shows with people and i will put my phone down because it's rude but when i'm by myself i'm like oh let me write that blog let me like oh i forgot to promote that thing let me you know oh shit look at and then as i'm doing that i see my timeline and i just like i've i've been

trying to watch ozark season three episode one for like a week i'm saying that for this weekend this weekend i'm gonna hammer through ozark i almost want to do like some more like lights camera barstool type things like even if we just are on a live stream together, I'll be inclined to put my phone down and watch it because I just won't. I'm always like, all right, let's do this. Let's blog that. Let's post this. Oddly enough, the two things I did not expect, I'm not getting sleep and I'm not watching TV in the quarantine. What?

I've been running a million miles an hour. And so death wish coffee is, uh, is waking me up, keeping me on some score to some sort of schedule. Cause I do, I've been doing the morning cold brews and listen, you know, me as a non coffee guy, if I'm giving it the co-sign, then, uh, then you coffee drinkers have got to know it is the real deal. You know what I did do do though because i don't have a coffee uh machine i just opened up the bag and i'm using it as like an air freshener because i love the smell of coffee that's pretty smart because i don't have the pot and so i just have a bag on my desk there and i just opened it and it just kind of aerates the room i just always got a nice smell of fresh brew fresh brewed coffee.

You can drink it or it can be an air freshener. Right now, you can subscribe to it and get 10% off coffee shipped right to your door. This isn't just like, hey, go to the store and buy. You can get... You become a member of the Death Wish coffee community and they will ship it right to

you. Step your coffee game up because all the other brands, it's that weak shit death wish coffee um is also running a this is a fucking deal right here you could just win a macbook pro sure death wish coffee.com slash kfc uh and you can enter to win a macbook pro death wish cold brew barst Sports merchandise, and a year's worth of Death Wish coffee. So I took a picture for them the other day rocking the Barstool indoors gear. And so right now, when you sign up, you can be eligible to win indoor gear and get the coffee, which is basically the official quarantine starter pack so go to deathwishcoffee.com slash kfc to get the macbook pro the barstool merchandise and a year's worth of deathwish coffee if you win the contest am i the asshole let's go um i'll start off with mine uh john's got a couple funnier

ones but this was the serious one from the day. This went viral and I unfortunately didn't screenshot it in time. And the girl, uh, Chelsea, she went private. Um, so it got like 20,000 retweets, a zillion favorites, and it is a big divide right now on the internet. So Chelsea tweeted and so, and said, I told my roommates, I don't want people over because I'm at risk, with a screenshot of the text conversation. And her roommate, Rachel, said something to the effect of,

I understand your concerns, but I pay to rent this apartment the same way you do, and so I'm going to be living my life, so be prepared to see a lot more of Brett. So Brett is her boyfriend. She's having him come over and it sounds like chelsea has some sort of uh auto immuno deficiency disease uh and so she's at risk she said if she gets a cold she has to go to the hospital and it really i mean the divide on the internet was crazy a lot of people on her side uh rachel the roommate ended up quote tweeting it her her tweet and said unpopular opinion but meaning herself, she has the right to have a boyfriend over to her house that she also pays for.

Don't have roommates if you can't respect one another's personal lives. She came back and said, of course, I understand that, just not in a pandemic. And so the Internet is right down the middle on this one and a lot of divide huh how is there a divide well i'm assuming you're firmly on chelsea's side she's gonna die yeah it's not like she might get a cold or you know it's not like one of those like you'll be fine you'll be sick you know even even in those i would be on her side yeah but if she has to go to the hospital when she gets a cold she's going to dot right i mean yes and that's the difference like the the so let's say this girl was healthy say it's just me and you and i'm having a girl over what what what would you say then i'd still

be like dude what's the point don't be a dick dick. That's obviously my stance on this and has been, but I wouldn't make it a scene. It wouldn't go viral if it was just like my boyfriend came over. He self-isolates but walks over sometimes. I don't know. I guess that's fine. Whatever. It wouldn't be a big story. She's going to die. Unless she's exaggerating or whatever. As I understand it and the facts i understand as i understand and the facts is presented to me this woman will most likely die if you fuck your boyfriend so maybe it doesn't seem super necessary the uh the reason why i know i'm on her side is

because she spelled immunodeficiency disease like like when you got those terms on deck you've been in and out of doctors your whole your whole life. You you're you're the real deal. And also, I'm on our side because why does the fucking roommate just go to her boyfriend's? There's a good point, too. It's like, hey, if you want to do it, you want to do it. There's nobody who's fucking at risk. Yeah. Yeah.

That's that's a very valid point to piggyback on this. So I think I think we're both on Chelsea side here, Rachel and Brett, you are the asshole. Remember the Something Navy blogger, Arielle Charnas? You know her? So she was the first one. She got coronavirus like day one. And she's a fashion blogger. Girls love her.

Something Navy is her account. She got millions of followers. This is a girl who her husband met Dave and Dave thought that he got coronavirus through. So Sidney Esiason sent me this this thread on Twitter because they're out on Long Island. And so Ariel went out to the Hamptons and. Oh, I did see this thread. I got you. So this thread, I mean, this girl, I guess if you follow her intently, she's like a noted hypochondriac with herself and her kids. So maybe

some of her fans were already onto this one. But her story about having coronavirus, getting tested for coronavirus, it's all kind of coming unraveled. She left her apartment in Manhattanhattan went out to the hamptons so everyone in long island is like fucking stay at home like you're supposed to just stay where you are you're in your beautiful palatial apartment in manhattan don't come out

here but she has been going live on instagram her nanny is is like in the building with them she's hugging and kissing her kids and she's out in public after publicly being like i have coronavirus yeah it still hasn't been 14 days right right exactly i remember it was like day eight she left manhattan and it was yeah i remember this right everyone was like you know your hotel lobby your your apartment lobby like the elevator buttons the the doormat. You're compromising everyone in your building. You're bringing it out to Long Island. Your nanny is still in the building with you.

Her husband made – I'm not even mad at the Corona stuff. I've peaked in value with Corona already. I do this stuff all the time where I get passionate about something, and I realize it doesn't matter, and I just stop being passionate about it. My passions are like a flame. They're like a match. I burn hot and I burn out fast.

You realize it doesn't matter. What are we doing? I'm just mad at how bad she is at keeping a lie. It's so easy to lie about having coronavirus. You think that she just made it all up? Fuck yeah! If you read that, she absolutely made that shit up. What do you think is worse just made it all up fuck yeah if you read that absolutely made that shit up

what do you think is worse her making up coronavirus and doing this whole dog and pony show or if she had it and was just being reckless probably if she had it being reckless this one's like funnier to to be like oh you dumb bitch apparently if you followed

really closely like she was giving shout outs to like the doctor that she went to yeah yeah i think it was like you know i'm gonna a get a lot of exposure as being like the first person to have it she said that she had she was like i'm not using my wealth and my connections i just have a lot of doctors on speed dial like what the fuck does that mean like nobody has doctors on speed dial. And she was like, the only way I did use my privilege is that they came out to my car to give me the, uh, the, the test. And it was like, I guess if you watch, she like showed the clinic, shouted out the doctor, like in the process was showing her Louis Vuitton bag.

The whole thing was like just one big product placement. IG Live. She's in the Hamptons. She's going live being like, a lot of people have been asking me about my jumpers. Here's where they are. I know who the comment is. The comments are just like, you bitch, stay at home. You fucking goddamn bitch.

How bad do you have to be? Why is she famous, by the way? I figure a fashion blogger is super attractive or whatever. i mean she's not ugly but she's a fine looking person what what makes what's the appeal of her i maybe that is the appeal maybe she's a little more like relatable i don't know but all every girl relatable well right that's that's what i'm that's what i thought and now that i'm learning about her, I'm like, it sounds like she sucks. I don't know what it is. Every girl that I know, every girl I've talked to, every girl I've been seeing in the past couple years, all of them.

When this all started, every girl I talked to was like, my favorite blogger got it. I was like, something Navy? Like, yeah, yeah, that's her. I mean, all of them. Every basic bitch loves this girl, but it sounds like she is like a hypochondriac bougie selfish i mean if you're gonna say you have coronavirus you can't be hugging and kissing your kids just just fucking just stay inside and document your next 14 days right and then you get to do whatever you want right and then you you're the person who beat corona it's very easy to get caught baking corona i i guess during live,

her nanny walked by and she quickly moved the phone. Never mind. She wasn't there. Just a piss poor job. If you're going to snake it, you got to be a real snake. She's the asshole. Rachel's the asshole. Next up, what do you got?

Actually, real quick. I was feeling nauseous to my stomach today, so I got out some soda. And I put those to your toes? What? As opposed to nauseous to your toes? Yeah. Fuck off. So I got crushed ice.

What's that about? That's a fucking myth, right? What? Like when you're sick, a little bit of soda with some ice chips. That's funny, right right i never heard that yeah that sounds like it's a fucking made up thing sounds very made up for sure yeah it's like why would that be uh i don't know anyway am i the asshole go ahead all right these these two these are good ones all right but uh let's see okay i'm gonna go with this one first this one's pretty quick, I think.

Okay. Am I the asshole for not telling a guy I don't shave? A bit of background. I, 24-year-old female, don't shave anything. I have arm hair, armpit hair, leg hair, pubes, even some ass hair. I'm very pale

and have very dark hair, so it's very noticeable that opening paragraph I want to look like spiders are crawling out of my skin everywhere I started talking to a guy on Tinder almost two months ago we talked for a few weeks and he asked me on a date

the dates happened before the whole situation stay at home folks we have a really great date and I ask him out again, this time to my place. Woo, baby. We start to hook up. I get undressed, and he sees my leg hair. He makes an uncomfortable forgot to shave in the winter joke, and I inform him that I never shave.

He freaks out and scrambles to get dressed. He tells me that I'm gross and should have worn it before I wasted all the time on me. I understand it could be a deal breaker, and it wouldn't upset me if it was for him. I was just upset the way he handled it. In my defense, I just never think about it. I haven't shaved since I was in high school. The hair on my body is just part of me.

I've only ever dated two people before him. One was a woman who also, shocker there, who also didn't shave. And the other was a guy who didn't care. My friends and family are split on this. My mom and sister who also think I'm gross agree with him. Agree with him.

But most of my friends are on my side. Shocker. Which I mean, I'm sure all of her friends are hippie, dippy, feminist, fucking gross chicks too. I do feel bad he felt tricked but how am I supposed to bring this up before the date? I don't know. I have body hair. Didn't supposed to bring this up? I don't want to read. I have body hair.

Didn't mention the guy for a date. He gets upset. And this is crazy. You know, top result, not the asshole. What are you talking about? People, the vote was that she's not the asshole. I only look at the top result. Top result, not the asshole.

Right. I mean, that is utterly ridiculous. But I will say this, her question about like, I mean, yeah, listen, if you're going to be so anti-conformity, if anything, anything with your appearance that's not totally forward, that's going to shock the norm. I think you almost just have to be – because she's right. When does that come up in conversation? Am I supposed to just lay it on the line? That would be awkward.

But yeah, it's going to be awkward because you live an awkward lifestyle. Yeah, that's true you're willing to you have to first of all i would react the same way because i'd be pretty sure that the next thing i see after those legs would be a big bean yeah yeah well i was going to kind of relate this to that like if you let's say you're a trans person and you haven't had a surgery and like you're basically tricking someone you got to tell them that and this is far less than that but it's you know it's on the path and if you're going to just like have a hairy asshole and hairy legs and hairy armpits i gotta know that i think you just have to give out you have to give other signs like get that pixie haircut it's enough enough signs awkward to bring up like have a pixie haircut

maybe have a nose ring maybe uh i don't know some i don't know a dave matthews man tattoo i don't know what kind of tattoo you'd have to wear like wear like birkenstocks and uh and like no bra and like you gotta if you're gonna do the hair thing you gotta do the cargo pants that would be cool cargo pants i'm gone i'm good i i already know i i know what i'm getting to here maybe I don't know I I get no this is pretty region dependent where are you going on a first date let's go tank top and then you know what okay actually here's the answer I have the answer this is clearly something that you are going to run into every single time now so part of your like courtship like like I I kind of I kind of deal with this a little bit.

Like if I'm talking to someone, I usually have to strategically figure out when to tell them. If you Google me, it's not going to be good. So I I kind of have like certain ways that I do it, certain jokes that I'll say, certain ways that I just kind of like when the opportunity presents itself I kind of I just have I have tactics that I've learned here's how I'm going to bring it up so that you're not sandbagging anyone well I mean there's one time I flat out said like you should google me let's just get this out of the way because it is kind of like trickery if that person came back and was just like, wow, didn't know that about you. Don't like that about you.

Like I'm gone. I'd be like, all right, that's fucked up, but I understand it. So what she has to do, I would have, I would either put a picture on my Instagram where like my arms are up and my armpits are out. And, and then like you either send that to them at some point or like hey like like i like to travel here was a picture of me in spain and it's like you like doing the doing like the heart over the sunset and your arms are out and there's your fucking pit hair and then that person can be like whoa dude what the fuck is that i think that's a good idea i think

that's a pretty simple one. But you are the asshole. You're the, if it's like you haven't, you're 24 years old. You haven't shaved since high school. That's a lot of hair you have. And that's like length,

right? Like, like braid that shit up. I would guess. Yeah. Like, I mean, she said she had ass hair and she didn't say asshole hair.

I think she means she has on her cheeks. If you got ass hair on your cheeks, I don't even have fucking ass hair on my cheeks. If you got ass hair, you got to tell a fella. You got to tell a fella. Yeah, I got to tell a fella. What is the worst out of hairy legs, hairy armpits, hairy cooch, hairy asshole? I'm not even going to do the cheeks because that is so far-fetched. That's like full-blown Sasquatch.

If you've got to comb your butt cheeks, that is fire. My girl Dougie has hairy ass cheeks. Could you imagine a girl being like, pull my hair, and you yank it. It's like, no, no, no, my ass. You're just yanking her cheeks with her fucking

butt hair. What's the worst out of those four? The Mount Rushmore? I think this is going to be crazy. I think the worst of it would be the leg hair. Yeah, I think, well, that's the most, and I feel like if you're like naked and in bed and your legs are

rubbing together and shit like that your legs fucking up by my face oh it's just I'm just fucking dude's legs that's disgusting it's like the question I think we reference it sometimes in a hall pass when like would you

like suck a guy's dick for five seconds or intensely kiss him for ten and you can just feel the beard and stuff like that. The feeling of the hair. A dick isn't the most masculine thing in the world. It's just feeling hair. That sound, that like

sandpaper sound. If I got your fucking calves up giving me a rug burn on my face, I can't have it. I can't have it. Well, you know what else? I think that the legs is the most exposure.

I think that for me, like we always say, getting to look at a girl's asshole is like the Holy Grail, right? That's what we want to do. That's why we like doggy style. That's what we want to do that's why we like doggy style that's what we want to see and so when that's ruined it's like oh that's what I was fighting for and now it's like that wasn't even that wasn't even good so the legs

to me is the biggest problem the asshole is the worst letdown that's you know it's like you open up for business and it's like oh no I don't want that you can close that door and it's just not there anymore. You can avoid it.

But the usual, the excitement you feel from getting to see that last square inch of someone, that's totally ruined. When you're a no-face girl fan like myself, that's just... You're just ruining the best part of the whole game.

By the way, I told this on Mail Time. John, Miss Impulse? Google it. Pornhub searched it. You'll thank me later. Last M.I. the Asshole. Miss Impulse.

Just going to remember that one to memory. I repeat porn names back to you but like someone a human being's name I'd be like what are you telling me that for I don't give a fuck but yeah no porn names you gotta write down you gotta use your memory devices just remember that one alright here it is a co-worker was

sharing their screen with us during a brief component of a presentation and I happened to catch a page open on the side I was bored during the presentation so apt and mindedly started reading it and to my surprise I realized it was a dirty story. It was well written and actually pretty hot to the point that I thought let me grab this for later. I was able to discern from the available window what the story title was and the name of the website so I went to the website and I did manage to find the same story. I ended up really enjoying the story so I clicked on the username and read a few of the other

stories. There were some stories with multiple parts or recurring characters and one was, to my utter shock, pretty obviously our office and the people in it, which meant that this was something they were reading. Which meant that this wasn't something they were reading. It was something they were writing. I was so amused

by there being about two dozen erotic stories of the people in our office that without thinking, I messaged the entire link to a longtime friend explaining what I'd found that day. I had intended to be a laugh between us, but I hadn't communicated that on time because they immediately sent it to five other people. You can see where this is going.

Our entire office knows about it now, especially with so little socialization or inter-office drama. So the poor author managed to reverse-engineer the spread. Well, I don't know where this guy works, but he works at NASA.

He's engineering and fucking proponent presentations. So the poor author managed to reverse-engineer the spread and find out I am the one who first sent it around. They're mortified, beyond embarrassed, actually seriously considering quitting because they're not sure how they can reasonably return to work with these people after they after they'd read something about this and how she thinks about them in the context of fantasy i apologized and told her it was only because i

thought it was so well written and i looked at that looked them up and read them in the first place but understandably that wasn't enough to smooth this over i don't know whether i'm an idiot or made a modest mistake at the moment, or an asshole who made a malicious mistake that's inexcusable. Am I the asshole? First result, you are totally and completely the asshole. Wrong again! No! Yeah! Come on! You are so wrong! This dude is

not the asshole at all. No! Bro, there's so much to unpack here. That guy considering quitting? You think? Yeah. It's a girl. Girl.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Fucking. Well, you know what? Actually, I think it's actually a little bit easier to get if you wanted to. If you want to, I think you need to get out the transfer papers and never talk to any of these people again. But I think a guy comes across way more creepy than a girl writing. Yeah.

I think this is a billion times easier to get over as a girl. Yeah. As a guy, you don't, it's not even, you don't consider quitting. You get fired. Yeah.

As a guy, that's like, you probably might have to register on a list now, dude, which is a double standard, but it just is what it is. Okay. Let's,

let's go back to the beginning. If you're going to write erotic fan fiction about your office, and then one day that comes home to roost, like that's, yeah, that's the risk you run. Like don't write about your fucking coworkers. It's like an internet troll getting doxxed. I don't fucking, don't cry to me. You were a dickhead. You sowed. I don't fuck with it. Don't cry to me. You were a dickhead. You sowed your seeds. Suck a dick.

You were fucking my dick? Guess what? Now I found out about it. You were sloppy about it. You were the one who put up a screen share that like, if you really have a deep, dark secret, you got to make sure you really keep it close to the vest.

You know, maybe you could have been a little more careful, like, hey, I'm about to sure you really keep it close to the vest. Maybe you could have been a little more careful. Like, hey, I'm about to send you something that's seriously got to stay between us. But whatever. That was maybe an honest mistake. This involves everybody. They're allowed to read it. They're allowed to know about it. I wouldn't even say

this. Just to be honest. I'd be like, yo, look what Casey's been writing. And just send you Casey's smut blog. Now, if it was not about the, let's say Casey is just writing just complete whorish fan fiction that has nothing to do with our office. Let's just say Casey is writing some slutty fucking show about fucking people in Texas. That has nothing to do with us. And we send that around.

Do you think that's different? Nope. Fair game. If you're writing, if you're going to be a porn writer, if Casey Smith is now just a porn writer, we're going to like, it's fair game.

If you're doing something that is extraordinarily out of the ordinary, it's fair game. It's like just someone being an asshole in public. I'm going to video you. This is crazy what you're doing. You are writing smut. Some good smut, apparently. That was an unbelievable excuse.

The only reason I shared it was because it was so well written. Shut up, dude. Shut the fuck up. I was just stunned by your eloquence. Yeah, okay. The way you captured Rick's penis was beautiful. Get out of town.

What if you found out that a co-worker was like a dominatrix in the bedroom and you spread that around? Because that's behavior that's out of the norm but if someone was if it was a job like that that i would still tell but i would be like this is between us i'd tell you but i'd say like let's keep this in between us right because that i think

it's just like that's someone's sex life people get kinky and shit but they're not doing if you're putting something out there like like even okay if i'm a dominatrix in my spare time and you just find out about that and you tell everyone kind of fucked up if i'm a dominatrix and i put videos online for people to watch and even if it's like a private account but i am putting it out there and then someone who i didn't want to find it finds it well that's the that's the run the risk you run am putting it out there, and then someone who I didn't want to find it finds it. Well, that's the risk you run by putting it out there. Spot on. Huge difference. Humongous difference.

You are sharing your art with the world. Right. I'm just getting you new followers. And you might use a fake name. You might not show your face. But if somehow the pieces of the puzzle come together, that is unfortunately what happened. Yeah. I mean, this is so i have the i have

the openness for more you're an asshole for being nosy no he wasn't being nosy she fucked up and put on the screen right that's human curiosity right there like it to me it's it's you're an asshole for sharing said material when you realize it involved people in your office. They have the right to know about it. Yeah, you're the asshole for writing weird shit about people who fucking you work with. This is one of those where it is such as it shoots on the other foot.

If I was writing fucking about the whole office, you should tell Ellie if I'm writing fucking weird, intense, sexual fantasies. She has a right to know about that because it's fucking creepy. But that is also where I think that the guy and girl difference is a big one. If I was

writing weird, sexual shit about the girls in the office, they need to know that because it's like, you got to steer clear of that guy. If a girl's doing it, it's almost like, let me know so that I can hit on her. That's a deep one. that's where you really can't rely on the internet you know it's like that's why i was arguing with dave about rotten tomatoes or you look at some polls on twitter and shit it's like

you can't trust people people are assholes people are idiots apparently especially when it comes to declaring assholes dude top, top fucking answer. Like, an extensive, like, this person's furious. The next response is, seriously, I rarely get mad at scenarios posted in the sub, but I am legitimately furious.

He should be fired for snooping and sharing private materials from a college computer. As I understood, they're not private materials. He went to a website. Yeah, I mean, if you hack into materials. He went to a website. Right. Yeah, I mean, if you hack into someone's computer and find it or something, okay, if it's on the web for consumption,

the wrong person consumed it. I clicked the username and read a few more of their other stories. I mean, yeah. So I went to the website and I did manage to find the same story. This dude didn't fucking hack into someone's computer he went to a website that they left open on a tab that's fucking completely different

yeah I mean that to me is like uh this is just like bad luck it's all you know you you covered your tracks and eventually you didn't like sorry bud stunned by the internet's response to that uh we're gonna get into our boyfriend and eventually you didn't. Sorry, bud.

Stunned by the internet's response to that. We're going to get into it. The top one on the fucking other one was it's hair, not an STI. I still need to know what I'm going into. I'm like a soldier. I'm like a soldier when it comes to sex. I'll probably go to any battle you want.

I need to have a game plan in my head to prepare myself for what kind of, what kind of carnage I'm about to see. Dude. I, by the way, would probably prefer an STD. Yeah.

If you told me, as long as it's not one of the permanent ones, if you told me you can either fuck this girl with like chlamydia or fuck this girl who has hair everywhere, I'll be like, get me the Z pack and let's go, babe. Cause that is, that's one I can get over the ch hair everywhere, I'll be like, get me the Z-Pack and let's go, babe. Because that is, that's one.

I can get over the chlamydia. I'll never, I'll be scarred for life getting butt cheek hair all up in my mouth. Real quick before we do voicemails, this one's not am I the asshole? This comes from the Reddit relationships account. But I saw this one a few days ago. 21 year olds and a 20 year old, both male roommates.

My roommate keeps giving me little kisses when he thinks I'm asleep. How do I ask him to do it when I'm awake too? So, uh, I read the whole, the whole thing, long story short, this guy has some sort of like health issues where he sleeps like 15, 16, 18 hours a day. He takes naps on the couch all the time. And during quarantine, when the roommate has been home, he like throws a blanket on him and takes care of him. And he's been leaning over and giving him like kisses on the forehead and like rubbing his hair, thinking the roommate is asleep when he clearly is like kind of half awake, half asleep.

And this guy's like, like kind of half awake half asleep and this guy's like I kind of like it and uh what's funny is like as he goes through all the details he's like uh I'm pretty sure my roommate's straight but like he's definitely gone both ways with other people and so have I and he's kissing me in my

sleep like how do I get him to do it all the time if you're sleep assaulting dudes pretty sure you're the guy yeah I'm pretty sure you're the guy. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we know the score with both you guys. And I'm pretty sure if someone is sleep assaulting you, if you just told him, hey, you can do this during the day too, I'm pretty sure he's going to say okay. Yeah, I don't think – and if he doesn't, new roommate time.

Yeah, if he doesn't, then we got – imagine if he was just like, what? Like, no, dude, I'm straight. I just just do that like well then you're a serial killer but i'm pretty sure if a guy secretly kisses you at night if you wanted to kiss him during the day like you guys will probably just have sex next to i think you guys are just gay and like each other so just be together all right uh voicemails time they are brought to you by rad power bikes um electric bikes are are the future they've been around in new york for a while and i feel like the rest of the world is catching up to it the delivery men of manhattan have been on these bikes for a long

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and stuff are closed right now. I'm not going to be able to go out and do anything. So would it be a dick move to suspend celebrations until all this coronavirus stuff blows over? Maybe ask bars if I can still get the deals and stuff that happen on your 21st

birthday, like free drinks and shit. So let me know. Thanks guys. Bro. If this was 2009, I would pull an old school right now. I'd be like, I'd recommend you stop being such a fucking F word. This is ridiculous. Like, and I know 21 is a big one. I actually think that 21 is the last birthday that a male can reasonably celebrate. And I have been telling people, I've been doing a lot of these cameo videos for people who are like, oh, it's a birthday, it's an anniversary, it's a this, it's a that. During quarantine, can you

cheer them up? And I tell everybody, when you get back out there, it's going to be fucking awesome. Your party will be 10,000 times better because everyone's going to have this renewed sense of social everything. But to ask for special treatment a few months later or like hey this counts as my birthday i get free drinks tonight like that's insane that's that's so stupid it's what what do you save a dollar on a beer or something yeah come on dude come on where you're 21 years old where are you possibly going that's like so expensive i get also like you're gonna be saving up money not spending any money right now so yeah i know maybe you might have lost a job or something like that you know that sucks i am i am quite

concerned about my utility bill because i got the heat running fucking 24 7 now you know i don't even know what utility bill like i don't know what's a high utility but it can't be that high right mine will probably be like mine i think mine's usually like 300 bucks probably like 600 bucks now whatever yeah it's not great whatever but uh yeah i mean if you if you want to personally i think if you miss your birthday you miss your birthday you know birthdays birthdays come around every year so you can get a repeat birthday birthday is too bad and if you miss your birthday you miss your birthday you know birthdays birthdays come around every year so you'll get a repeat birthday birthday is too bad right weddings you postpone yeah birthdays you celebrate next year right and i've been talking to people about uh bachelor parties

weddings like i think if you if you postpone your bachelor party i was talking to a guy who was supposed to go to new orleans so that sucks you gotta postpone it a little bitone your bachelor party. I was talking to a guy who was supposed to go to New Orleans. So that sucks. You got to postpone it a little bit. When your bachelor party is in New Orleans and it's like freshly the world is back in action, New Orleans is going to be better than ever. Yeah. Awesome party. It's going to be great. So you're going to get a great party. It's not going to be for you.

Who gives a shit of who an awesome party is for? It's just an awesome party. It's going to be for you who gives a shit of who an awesome party's for it's just an awesome as a matter of fact especially with bachelor parties bachelor parties are not for the guy getting married he has been not married it's for all the married guys with kids who are like this sucks i need to get away so it doesn't matter if you do it now it doesn't matter if you do it later that's when when that's what you're doing it for if you wanted to uh say like hey i'm getting together because we didn't do it for my birthday okay fine but if you're making any demands like well you guys got to pay the bill or can we go to like the you know can the bar

like give me the special again you missed bad luck your birthday was in the fucking quarantine i was saying this too about, and this is much more serious, like college sports. People are like, I lost, I lost a year of eligibility or whatever. There's no easy answer for it. So it's kind of just like you got hosed.

Sorry, man. I'm sorry that you're one of your years of college sports happened to coincide with a global crisis, but it just happened, dude. Sorry. It stinks. I mean, it just happened, dude. Sorry. It stinks.

I mean, it absolutely, absolutely stinks. Right. You know, if we fix it for you, that fucks the freshmen who are the seat, you know,

someone's always going to get screwed. So that's what happened when there was, it also sucked when you were 18 years old and you got drafted to go to war. I don't know. I just fucking, when the world goes to shit, bad things happen to people. Uh don't know. When the world goes to shit, bad things happen to people.

Next up. Kevin, John, Robin, I don't know. I was reading some rumors that Wembley Stadium was supposedly making a giant lasagna inside by heating up

the stadium and covering it like a dome, so it it like a oven. I was wondering which stadiums you think we make the best foods during this time of great peril to deliver out to the great citizens of the United States of America. Thanks. I did see this tweet. Did you see this?

No. It was like a fake tweet that I think some people took seriously. They were saying like that in order to feed the hungry during this time that they were making like soccer field sized lasagna and like cutting it up and giving it to people. It was very funny. I mean, it was very obviously a joke and i hope that no one was taking it seriously but the details were funny they were like they were rolling out layers of the you know seven layers all along the field and all that shit what what stadium do

you think would would cook this is a question um i don I mean, to me, stadium food is kind of all the same. And I know that people are like, Dodger dogs are great. I think Fenway Park is supposed to have a great hot dog. And I feel like maybe back in the day, certain places were known for their hot dog or their hamburger. But now every stadium is like a gourmet restaurant. I got a completely different take the only bad the only bad stadium food is the good stadium food yeah i mean i i know what you're

saying but but my point being that it's uniform i think maybe like yankee stadium's a little bit more bougie you can get more shit there but for the most part i feel like if you go to a sporting event anywhere now you're gonna have like a lot of the same options. Yeah, I think he's talking about as a field. Yeah, yeah. Well, I just don't know how to answer that. What are we saying? Like which fields could you cook the best food on?

I don't know. I was going to say like Fenway got a nice bowl, like a field of clam chowder would be good. Oh, okay. All right. Now I get it. I'm thinking about – I was thinking about say Fenway got a nice bowl, like a field of clam chowder would be good. Oh, okay. All right, now I get it. I'm thinking about – I was thinking about like cooking it. So you're thinking about just like serving food out of a stadium. Yeah.

Because Fenway's got that big – you know, you got the big monster. Although I guess – Yeah, but that fucks it all up. I mean like I would think like Giant Stadium is just like a uniform bowl. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. I would think maybe like Jerry's World or I think Miami has a retractable roof.

I'm almost thinking of those mugs that have like a thermos that you can like open up a little lip and drink out of it. You know, just retract the roof a little bit and sip your soup. I think like... What is it here? I don't know. You know how I said our show's not changing because of quarantine? We are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

I was going to say like Heinz Field. I thought of a buffalo dip. I don't know why. Heinz Field, you got to do something ketchup related. Like french fries just dipping in a giant... It's like Heinz Field, you got to do something ketchup related, like french fries that you're just dipping in a giant bowl of ketchup at Heinz Field. Next voicemail.

I was going to be like, you know, that's it, but we got one more voicemail, and then we'll get into our interviews. Hey, what's up quarantine boys? So this all happened a few weeks ago before the whole country went on lockdown. But I've been seeing this girl for a couple months

and she has a roommate and we all wanted to go out into the city one night and her roommate's single so my girl asked me like, hey, like, find one of your single buddies to accompany us.

So all my friends are dating people, but I have a couple that aren't. So I got one of my buddies. We go out in the city, whatever, a great night. My buddy and her roommate end up spending the night together. And then the next day I got the whole rundown about how bad he was in bed and I don't know if I should be embarrassed or upset or what but I didn't realize that I need to

ask one of my boys I'm setting up if he can throw down the bedroom. I just don't feel like that's a necessary thing to bring up on a blind date. But what... Fuck this. This guy, he was doing this whole crew a favor, no? I'm confused.

His buddy doesn't have good sex? Yeah, so he's going out with this girl she's like oh i got my roommate like can you bring along a guy for her so he asks his buddy so you're he's doing a favor for his pal by being a wingman she who is the third wheel now doesn't have to feel awkward because they're all going out together he's calling yeah sure i'll go out with you they obviously hit it off enough that they're enjoying each other's company and then he doesn't put in a good performance and you go gossiping and like talking shit about him fuck off you

should have just been the third wheel for the night and not made me do this yeah man that's that's some bullshit i got i got two two takes here first of all that's like that's someone asking you to do a tour you don't really want to do. You're half-assing it. So why don't you give – he gave his best game. He's like, fuck it. I guess I'll do this. I guess I'll fucking dip my – take in the oil. And he's – maybe that's it. But even if that's not it, guess what?

Sex talk doesn't cross sexes. Yeah, I agree. If you're going to talk about a guy's performance, do it with a girl. Talk about it with the girl well with the girls yeah i'm gonna talk about a girl's performance i i i never tell you like how i fuck or like how people i fucked fuck that shit stays that's you that's your that's your that's my thing and that's not yours and so maybe that's on the girlfriend like if the roommate told the girl that's fair game The girl can't tell the boyfriend, hey, your buddy sucks.

Also, I have a couple takes. Have you ever done this? I think this is weird. Been like a wingman or whatever, grenade, falling on a grenade? I'm not Captain America. I don't fall on grenades, dude. In the moment,

if you're at the bar as you know many moons ago when we'd just be like at the bar picking up girls hanging out in my room if my buddy was like talking to a girl and there was like clearly a third wheel i'll do it then but if there's like a whole setup situation i gotta like the i gotta want. Yeah. Plan to be the wingman to help you out. It's gotta happen out of nowhere. I'll do it then. But if, if it's like,

like, how about you just don't bring that girl out on this date? Very similar adults, right? Yeah. You can say, she can stay at home or, or like,

I mean, I think sometimes third wheeling third wheel can definitely be awkward. Sometimes I also don't think it's that awkward. It's just like like we're all hanging out together and like if it's it's a clear romantic date situation the third wheel can be awkward if i were to go out with you and your girl right now i wouldn't be like oh my god weird at all right so that to me is kind of a weird thing and then also by the way just in general like criticizing people's sex game, like sex is fucking hard. It's fucking hard to do. And especially for girls,

if you're like, you know, if you're a girl who gets off like really easily and someone can't do it, fine, go ahead. Critique, criticize. A lot of times there are girls who like can't even figure out their own shit.

And now, now some guy for the first night is going to have to do it. So, you know, all also, I, I have a selfish amendment to my sex talk doesn't cross sexes unless it's funny.

If I put in a bad performance... Or it's good. I honestly only want to hear about the funny. I don't want to hear about great sex you had. I don't want to hear about terrible sex you had. If you can make it funny and it's like, if I have a terrible performance and you want to tell

your girls or your guy friends about this fucking, I don't even know what I would do, but if you tell a good story, I am always willing to be the focal point of a good story, even if I'm the asshole. Even if I'm the butt of the joke. That's fine. If you want to tell a funny story about me fucking bad, fine., the butt of the joke, that's fine.

If you want to tell a funny story about me fucking bad, fine. But if you're just like, ew, why'd you tell me that guy? He sucks at sex. Fuck you. You suck.

Right, right. It's like, you know what? You know what? If you're the type of girl to complain about that situation, you're probably, it's probably your fault that the sex sucks.

You're probably a dead fish in bed. You probably don't, you're not in tune with yourself. You don't know how to fuck and get yourself off. You're probably a dead fish in bed. You probably don't. You're not in tune with yourself. You don't know how to fucking get yourself off. You're a selfish lover. And halfway through, that guy was probably like, this is a waste of my time. This girl sucks. She sucks in bed.

I'm doing this a favor anyway. I'm just going to come. I'm just going to let myself come. Fuck you. That's it. I'm going to come and you can't stop me. That's a guy's defiance. Like, you know what? I'm going to come and you can't stop me. That's a guy's defiance. You know what? I'm going to let the floodgates open.

I'm just going to come right now. Fuck you. Give me a break. That's some bullshit. Let's get into our interviews for the day. Who do you want to go with first? Let's start with Veer. Veer Das, anian comic from mumbai live from uh india in what a uh 10 hour time difference so uh we went international on him uh he's got a very funny special out right now called veer das for india very cool and we talk about it right away

very cool setup it's it's unlike any special you've probably ever seen before. A little reminiscent of Neil Brennan's Three Mics with something very different. And it's brought to you by a very important sponsor. So we've been working with Roman for a long time now, and they've been one of our more fun sponsors trying to help you guys out when it comes to growing your hair and having sex and having good sex. But they're doing a great service for our country right now during a very important time. So we're putting aside the swipes and all

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KFC radio would like to welcome a very special guests live from India right now in Mumbai. We got a veer das in the stream. What's up here. How are we doing? I'm good, man. How are you? I'm a lockdown.

Like you guys, you locked down as well, or yeah, we're big time. I mean, I'm in New York, so we are at the center of it all. So, uh, yes, very, very much locked down. Like you guys, you locked down as well? Oh, yeah. We're big time. I mean, I'm in New York, so we are at the center of it all. So, yes, very, very much locked down. I was going to ask you what the severity is in India. You guys like not going anywhere, not seeing anybody, not touching anything? Nothing. It's 21 days. Everybody's inside.

Everybody in my house is sick of me. The walls are sick of me. I haven't been outside. I mean, we're luckily on the ground floor, so we have like a little bit of a lawn that we can go out and see people pass by now and then, but unless you're out for essentials, you're not allowed out of the house.

State borders are closed. Airlines are closed. Everything is shut down. Now, were you guys smarter than us? Did you get it earlier than us? Because in New York, it's still kind of like oh there's a cool boat let's go take pictures lockdown lockdown i mean we have you guys grew pretty fast and we're trying not to get where you guys are you know what i mean and i sympathize but i would really hope not to get where you guys you know i mean yeah it sounds like you guys. You know, I mean, yeah,

it sounds like you guys are being smart. Like you said, you saw what's happening. Like, Hey, I don't want to be like that. Whereas we kind of were like, well,

that's not going to happen to us. Fucking moron. We gotta be, it's a sad scene right now for us in America. We're just, we're, I feel like we're just dropping in the rankings. You know,

we're just not, not too good these days. Weren't there guys like licking subway things and licking toilet seats? Wasn't that happening? Yeah. Was that a British or American thing? I'm not sure. Yeah, the coronavirus challenge, hashtag coronavirus challenge,

was licking seats, toilet seats, licking subway poles, and I'm pretty sure all of them got it. They now all have coronavirus yeah that's the challenge you know i'll have it and the challenge is survival you morons i feel like they will mutate a new virus that will take over the world that's what i said i was like whatever comes out of this challenge is what we're really going to be fucked by so yeah uh yeah not not great over here uh how what where are you you're in a house you're in uh i mean i'm sure you do pretty well for yourself so you got we were just saying how

rich people are quarantining a little bit better than uh us regular people so if you got a house and a lawn and whatever it's probably i see you got a guitar back there you got all sorts of luxuries i'm just sitting on a couch we're okay we do all right but keep in mind a dollar buys a lot more than in mumbai than it does uh you know in america uh having said that i feel like rich people we deserve to die first don't we who created the disease and gave it to the rest of the world it's travelers from different airports so i hope karma comes after us first before it with people who really deserve it. Hang on. Did you just classify a guitar as a symbol of optimism?

I mean, I'm just looking around and I'm like, he's probably got all sorts of stuff that he can do. Look at this rich guy. He's got a guitar. Did you bring your ukulele home, John? I forgot it. Yeah, good. So this guy planned on learning how to play the ukulele and learning to speak spanish uh during during quarantine but that was in his apartment in new york now he's

back home in boston forgot the ukulele which is huge for the rest of us because now we don't have to listen to him fucking play a ukulele nice not only did i forget the ukulele and i forget i mean forget i forgot my ukulele and i also forgot forgot the English version of the Spanish book I was going to learn. So I'm starting with zero there. I couldn't begin to start that. So you're going to become a social media troll at the end of this. That's all you get. If you're going to get less educated with your quarantine time,

you might as well put that to use and become like a troll or something like that. Have you embarked on in the tiktok world at all because that's where you go once your brain has become like completely useless a daily vlog where i was trying new stuff uh and i was just posting it to my social media so one of the days i tried tiktok and i was like i was amused for about 45 minutes and then i was like no i'm getting less intelligent as I'm doing this I need to stop you know I will be licking toilet seats at the end of the video so yeah

we both were just watching the new special out on Netflix Veer Das for India which I gotta say on top of it the content being funny the setup the stage if you will awesome such a cool scene the way you do the lighting and the way even just the audio the

way the audience is is seated uh just a very cool you know everybody i'm so used to stage mic stool and audience that you know you really flipped it up and it it makes a difference i think so i mean we wanted to come from a, because you know, the show's about India. It's, you know, usually a standup special is 10 stories and if it doesn't work, you cut out one story, right? That's, that's a comedy special and all those stories are about you. This show's not about me at all.

It's about my country and it's kind of me putting my culture out there into the world. So you kind of want to come from a place of humility on that. And, you know, comedians, we tend to be like, look at me and my swag and my rock star entry and my moving headlights. And I just didn't want to do that about my country. You know, it's really chilled. I'm sitting down.

I'm not standing up. The first guy, the first audience member I can shake hands with, you know, there's no swag in the show at all. So hopefully. Yeah. Neatly. I thought there was like a ton of swag in the show. What you're doing right now is you're doing one of those things that I like

to do. Like, Oh, I didn't even try that. I didn't even get dressed up. This whole thing. Five minutes to get dressed. Yeah. No, there's definitely some, some, some personality and some flavor to it the shoes

there was there was a couple zoom-ins on on the shoes that i feel like were intentional so uh i'm i'm i co-directed it right and i've done 12 years in bollywood so at some point bollywood's going to creep into my special right it's not just you know so the close-up on the shoes and the biscuit and all of that stuff yes Yes, that's definitely the filmic side of me. But I just didn't want to be like, you know, lights, lights and all of that. I just didn't want it to seem very rockstar-ish. I just wanted a conversation between friends. You know?

Mission accomplished. How did you pull off the, like, was it announced beforehand? Or were people being kind of herded in? Were they put into certain sections? off the um like like was it was it announced beforehand or would people and people were being kind of herded in where they put into certain sections like how did you get the non-indians to sit in one thing how did you pull off segregation how did you do that you know uh i i kind of learned it from you guys and wait for people for people who haven't seen it yet there is is a section of the audience, which is all the white people. And at times when Veer is explaining things about India, the lights go down, the red lights go on, the white people.

And it's like, talk to the whites. But yeah, we weren't good at that. So we kind of sold tickets to everybody. And these were expats who kind of live in Bombay. And then when they came in, we were like, hey would you guys like special seats? Turns out white people don't refuse special seats.

And then before they could all kind of look around they were like, are we all sitting together? And then we just did the show before anybody got disturbed or anything. But, you know, there was like 150 expats and they were cool. The minute the first guy showed up on them, they were cool.

I think it's a great, I think it must have been a great experience for them once they realized it wasn't a trap. And then it's also, as a viewer, I found it to be a great experience because there were so many jokes that I was either ignorant about or didn't get so it was kind of like it's okay for you to not get this here we'll explain for you right yeah because i i also i mean i was like i'm gonna have to explain stuff because even when i told the stage i told the world i have to explain stuff right because nobody wants the comic who's very like pandering and and talking about only what you can relate to right you want to introduce people from new shit uh through your stand-up um but if i could just visually manage it where people okay now explanation is happening then hopefully we were okay so it's really that that red light is really more of a like an on-air broadcast like a visual thing just your mind reset so you know uh yeah but it was definitely a weight off my shoulders when i was excited i would just feel like an idiot someone over my head and i'd see the red light

yeah i mean there's a lot of cool shit that you learn i mean it's it feels like if uh for the for the indian people in the audience or listening at home you're you're almost like celebrating like oh yeah i remember that from you know i do that too or whatever and then for the people who don't know you're you're learning and and i feel like uh you know a lot throughout the whole special i was like all right well that's their version of this for me and and you know everybody's got their their foods their their style their whatever it is so it's a it's again not only with the set but even the way you do it it's kind of a different type of of special where it's it's like uh educational, more like a conversation.

It was just a cool vibe. It was different. I kind of had to, right? Because when we were doing it, Netflix kind of very subtly said, look, there's like 10 people who have three specials, right? Like ever on Netflix. And then I kind of Googled those 10 people and I was like, fuck I'm a fan of all of these 10 people right like I would lose my mind if any of these 10 people was in the room with me I would

go nuts so I kind of don't want this third one to be like the first two at all so I'm just going to kind of do the opposite of what I did in the first one so yeah you mentioned Bollywood before um we've been watching uh the last week or so we've been watching highlight reels on youtube of like the best

bollywood stunt scenes in movies action scenes yeah i mean where do you guys come up with some of that shit we're talking like you know crouch know, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon mixed with Michael Bay movies, explosions and flips and flying. And like, it's just, it's quite a scene. Hey man, where do you think your weed comes from in America?

It grows wild up here. So yeah, we don't have to go to a dispensary or any of that stuff. What I like about Bollywoodllywood okay so here's the beautiful thing about the west right you guys watch bollywood and then it's like this fantastical experience for you guys right and you're like oh my god it's such a suspension of disbelief and sometimes the plot makes no sense and all of that stuff and then you go and make seven avengers movies right like you guys do get that that's what the

Marvel comedy like uh the Marvel universe is it's Bollywood it's your Bollywood just with a lot bigger budgets so it's the same thing like Bollywood is escapist unapologetically emotional cinema uh so if you're doing an action scene it has to be escapist and unamog and like loud if you're doing a love scene it it has to be escapist and loud. If you're doing a love scene, it has to be the same thing. It's just you got to amp everything up. That's Bollywood. That is a beautiful and perfect explanation. That makes complete sense.

Yes, it's The Avengers. No wonder we all fucking love it. I mean, look, Bollywood is for 1.3 billion people, right? So if there's one guy who Taylor or who's, you know, he runs a shop or he has library, whatever. And he's got one thing to do on Sunday, which is head out with his wife and watch a movie. And life's hard. If you show him spotlight, he's going to kill himself. You know, like bright lights and cities and magic and movies and do what the Avengers does for you guys.

You know, you mentioned in the special while you're talking about a Bollywood, you mentioned Tom Alter. I never heard of Tom Alter. Are you looking for a new one? Because I'd love to get into the Bollywood world. You know, we're not making that many movies about white guys oppressing us anymore. So in the modern ones, like I feel like you guys like in the old bollywood movies you guys were like kill the indian dogs we run everything and now now you're just coming in as as venture capitalists that's what white guys play right now they're like i like your company i'm gonna give you nine million dollars like that's that's the white guy uh in every movie

so if i ever make one with one of those you will be a venture capitalist i promise yeah all right i want to be clear about something here in this special you didn't mention that he was an oppressor i thought he was just like the fun white guy in a movie that that's really more my bag okay uh i mean then then i think there's only one more role for you which is if there's ever a wedding in a movie we always just put a white guy in a wedding because it's good to have like one confused white guy in the background going do i dance now do i not what is this like there's one guy at every wedding so you can be that guy that's beautiful i don't have to act that's just i'm always the confused white guy in the background that's my my whole vibe my uh my brother who's our producer right but like last

thing he did before the world went to hell was he went to an Indian wedding. He was in the wedding. He's one of his best friends. They did the American version, and then they did the Indian version. He was in traditional garb, wearing those shoes. He's a pale Irish Mick like myself. We do not pull that look off well. You guys look sharp.

We do not. Did you see the Canadian Prime Minister came down here, Justin Trudeau? And he, I don't know who his stylist is. I imagine they're now fired. He came down and put on like a traditional wedding outfit to meet like Indian leaders. And it was just loud and gold. And everybody was like, are we like, are we doing a negotiation?

Are we fucking at the end of this? Like what's happening? At least he didn't do brown face. But I kind of like, like, I mean, you go down to Hawaii, you go to,

you know, Africa, whatever go to you know Africa whatever you you buy something you put it on right it's just enthusiasm so I kind of appreciate it when like you know American guests or British guests make the effort like I don't shit on that I'm like yeah you're trying so it's a fine line between like I'm trying to uh you to respect the culture and also you look like a dickhead. Yeah. Are you ever... I'd rather try and fail than not try at all. Because you're going to look like a dickhead

the next day, something else in any case. We're always just one degree of separation away from dickhead at all times. You'll find dickhead eventually but i love in the line of dickhead where you're laughing at me not dickhead we're like being disrespectful right i feel like i'd rather show up in a suit and a tie and be like i'm the lame white guy as opposed to like i i stepped on toes i overstepped my bounds because there's dickhead

and then there's like racist white guy and that's there can be a fine line there as well i mean i i feel like dickhead isn't really that far away from racist either you know what i mean they're just very close by all of these things uh i sometimes i feel like uh you know just brown people we get to chill a little bit more like you guys have to be on your toes a little bit white guys you know just brown people we get to chill a little bit more like you guys have to be on your toes a little bit white guys you know what i mean because uh like we get to be like yeah i'll wear the outfit i'm brown who's gonna hate on me so it's fine i uh i saw uh i'm not sure which which of your clips it was maybe uh just for laughs i think you said you that that indians

are the white people of brown people? Yeah, we were. But now I just think we're all sick people and not sick people. So I don't think that makes any difference anymore. Well, you're right. If there's one good thing that maybe can come out of this whole fiasco, it's something like that. It's that outlook. It doesn't really matter. It's just life or death, really, right?

Yeah. I mean, we had a thing happen in India right now where there was like two religious festivals and one was like a hindu festival and one was a muslim festival and both of them were big gatherings of people right and nobody should have been out of their house so now everybody's fighting and at some point i was like you know you do get that this isn't you and your god it's now you you versus your God, right? Like that's, so if there's one thing where we're all just kind of like,

there's a lot of common ground in the world right now. And I think that is a, that's a great way to put it. Uh, are you, you get, you're getting sick of talking about India at all. Do you want to just do like a special where it's like,

I'm just going to crack jokes about, you know, current events and sex and funny shit. Or, uh, do you like putting your culture out there i do um simply because i feel like there's a i can't escape it you know uh it just kind of lives and breathes in who i am and and i feel like there's that that second generation indian in america perspective has been really really well done right like you look at Aziz Ansari or Hasan Minhaj or Russell Peter like that's really been taken care of but the reality of the 1.3 billion there's not a lot of people putting that on the plate so I kind of like to

to serve that up a little bit when I'm out there yeah I don't want to research history for my next special I don't want to do that and I won't you know i i feel like there's so many specials every single week there's like five specials on five different platforms it's kind of nice when a special has a theme or it has a you know a little more theatrics to it than just you know yeah i you know coronavirus blah blah blah you know well as a viewer yeah it was like uh it was it definitely jumps out where it was like uh it was it definitely jumps out where it was like i'm not just watching another hour of of joking about 10 different things like you said it was like there's a theme to this there's a point to this and so i want to

watch that as opposed to the same old type of specials so i feel like there have been so many recent specials and maybe it's because i'm just kind of going like you know pseudo stir crazy but there have been so many specials even in the last two weeks or so that i've gone to put on and had it on for 15 minutes i was just like i get it you know and i went on to something else or india i had on the entire time like if you look at who's on netflix right now i i think like people like tom segura or like Dave Chappelle or Bill Burr, you know, like when these, or Mulaney,

for instance, these guys can take everyday things and elevate them to a level that is just amazing. Right. So I feel like anybody lesser than that, just doing everyday things, it's going to be tough for you because the business are cracking just great jokes right now. You know, I

hadn't seen a good Trump joke in a really really long time. And it kind of became hack and pass. And then Mulaney did like the horse in the hospital routine. Do you guys remember that? Man, that is an amazing new spin on a Trump joke. And I don't want to do a Trump

joke after that because he didn't. He didn't. So yeah. That's probably what, that wasn't even from his most recent special, was it? No, and I haven't seen a really good one since. There was him and Patton Oswalt had some good stuff about

Trump as well, but beyond that I can't watch a lot of late night TV and a lot of stuff because i'm just like i you know this just feels like everyday stuff for me you know what are you watching right now uh i'm watching hunters which was nice uh are you finished i haven't no i'm two episodes in i did uh picky blinders season five that was good and then I'm watching Tiger King right now on Netflix that one is

you know king of Netflix right now yeah I'm enjoying it but it's giving me anxiety at the same time you hate every single person on the screen there's nobody to root for you don't want anybody to win I'm rooting for the Tigers I was hoping the tigers would eat everybody in the end but it's definitely uh it's good and

it's funny and it's it's outlandish but i feel like it's getting the quarantine bump right now where everything is anything that can entertain you for a little bit people just latch on to because there's just nothing else so i have a netflix series that drops here on the 17th of april and and we're hoping that people are careful. Because it might be the end of quarantine or at least towards the end, hopefully. I don't know about that, brother. At least not over here. So I think you're good.

I think you're going to have a captive audience. And I think you should try it. Well, it's called Haasamok. It's in Hindi. It's something that I co-wrote and created. I play a Hindi comic from like a really small town who is terrible. He's just shite at stand-up. And he's been apprenticing a guy for a really long time.

And just on stage. And then one day they have a fight and I kind of slit my mentor's throat open. And in that adrenaline, I go on stage and I'm amazing. And then we kind of figured out that I need to murder someone getting on stage to be a good comic. But then I go viral and I get my own weekly show on Indian television. So now I have to murder a guy every week. You're the Dexter of stand-up comedy.

That's unbelievable. So then Mumbai has a new serial killer. That's the thing. It's like a really new dark. Unbelievable. You know what? You got to come with something new to kind of cut through the white noise right now.

Well done. Can I get some subtitles? Can I watch it yeah it's uh it's it'll be april 17th it's called husmuk which means happy face so that does i i have a question for you uh back to the special a little bit here old monk rum yes what's the deal with this because it piqued my interest quite a bit dude you have not had i mean you will grow chest hair when you drink this rum i promise you i couldn't tell if it was like good or bad like it's so bad that you love it like we have you know malt liquor old english 40s we've

got malorts like bad liquor that you just i don't know why we drink it but we do is it that or is it actually quality i feel like it's like that song, Sweet Home Alabama. You know what I mean? I feel like, you know, there's just so many good memories attached to that song, like wherever you were growing up, that it feels good when you hear it. So I feel like that's what Old Monk is. I don't quite remember what it tastes like. I just remember who I was making out with the first time I had it. You know what I mean? And that's uh that's the rum basically with coke it's amazing like if you put some coca-cola and a glass into a rum and coke with old monk that's amazing so i don't know if you can get it in the u.s i was gonna say can we get our hands on this i don't think i've ever seen

it before but it's something i definitely have to try now in new jersey for sure like if you hit up an indian store in New Jersey, yeah. Or like whenever this comes out, like just tag me and we'll get some Indians to send you some old monk rum after lockdown. What is, I used to live in Hoboken, Jersey and like right, Newport, Devonia. There's a couple of spots right next door. Just loaded with Indian people. Are you guys under the impression that New Jersey is like awesome? No, I feel like we were like, okay,

New York is shit. Let's just find the one thing where I can have like just one more window in my house. I don't need six more windows. Just one more window would be nice. Yeah. Cause you know, we procreate and we breed faster than a lot of people.

So we need space, man. Yeah. You guys go hard. You guys, your pullout game is not good in india no not at all no the special is veer das for india it's out on netflix now april 17th is the uh hot smoke which sounds incredible so we appreciate it and uh thanks the time. I promise you this, Veer. I will watch

Hot Smoke. I'm a much better binger than you are. I don't know how you're on episode 200. It doesn't even sound like you're done with Tiger King yet. I will smash Hot Smoke within... How many episodes is it? It is 10 episodes. 10 hour

or half hour? Half hour. Oh, that's one night. I'll take care of that in an evening. I'll binge that and watch another movie that same night. That's nothing, dude. Thanks for the time, dude. We appreciate it. Stay safe, guys.

Have a good one, too. What do you think Vir Das thought of us? I think he liked us. He liked us, too. I feel like we're pretty generic white guys. I feel like we are... I think everyone likes me until they explicitly tell me they don't. I think we're pretty regular white guys.

Not a lie. I feel like we're very well liked by our guests. I almost wish that sometimes we would keep the the microphones running recording because how many times do we finish up an interview and someone's like that like that was very professional you guys are good you ask a lot of questions like oh that's so much better than like the radio hits i have to do and i want people to know that we're

fucking good at this you should like you you the listener should like this because the guy who had to show up and do this he said he liked it too so we're pretty good at this so You should like you. You listeners should like this because the guy who had to show up and do this, he said he liked it too. So we're pretty good at this. So I think Veer Das liked this as well. And I know this next coming guy. I think he likes us. You doing okay?

You know me. I'm always like my own worst critic. I don't even think this is about this i think this is about something deeper right now well yeah go ahead i think you just need a guy to tell you you're good and kevin you're good thanks man nate though nate does have that that that presence about him that sometimes i could see him being like i don't fucking care about these guys. Dude, you need to talk to somebody.

Nate likes us. Veer liked us. Fucking. I was nervous about Veer because I do, not nervous, but I do think we are just like the generic white guys who he probably is like, I got to make these fucking jokes. So these dumb, like ignorant Americans know what I'm talking about. And Nate, first of all, Nate is just hell bent. He is, it is just stuck in his head that I think Scott Peterson is innocent. It's been bothering him for like a year.

That was a long time ago. And he brought it up again. He is, he is very much, he very much hates Scott Peterson. And I do not think he likes the fact that I think he's innocent. So that plays into it. And I just, that whole, his whole, his whole style just keeps me, it puts me on edge. I'm just like,

ah, I can't, I can't read. He's so, you can't read him because he's just like, I can read him. I think we had a great time. I have a very different takeaway from this interview than you do.

No, I think the interview was fine. The interview was funny. I just don't know if he personally likes us. Nate, the interview was brought to you by don't know if he personally likes us. Nate likes us. Nate, the interview was brought to you by us. Nate gave us tickets to his show

when he was in New York. Nate likes us. Okay. Yeah. Kevin, I like you. Okay? Yeah, you don't mean shit, though. See, like, Chris DiStefano just texted me. He said, I'm just checking in on you Chris likes us Chris likes me Chris might want to

fuck you yeah Chris definitely wants to fuck Chris likes you just checking on you all the time I'm glad he's doing it because I don't know if you're doing too great right now let's get to the Nate Bargatze interview he liked us I like him play the interview it's brought to you by us the Barstool Sports Store you can get

these hats right now. Actually, they're sold out in blue and I think pink. I think it's down to black right now. So you can either get the black or sit tight. We'll be restocking them. The social distancing club shirts are flying off the shelves. Those are also the prize for anybody who competes in social distancing. So make sure you donate a dollar to the cause

to be eligible to be selected to play social distancing every night at 7.30 on the live stream on Twitter, along with the Barstool Indoors clothes, the t-shirts with all the fictional bars. We got a lot going on at the Barstool Sports Store. So go to store.barstoolsports.com

and let's talk to our boy Nate. All right, let's do it. Nate Bargatze is back virtually this time. You look super excited to be here, Nate. I am, dude. Oh. Great start. There he is.

What's up, man? I got the iPad. My computer died immediately. I liked it. I asked right when you asked that question too. Yeah. I was like, that's the interview. It's all over.

Good planning on your part to have a completely dead computer. It worked out, man. All right. How you been? What's going on? How is. You know what I was going to say about the energy? Like, uh, that's a thing that since I've been trapped in the house, like I've,

I've read comments on stuff and I get the most of people being like, this guy doesn't feel like he wants to be there in any, like in anything that I do. And I don't know what else, like how crazy am I supposed to go when you do... Should I just be out? I don't know what else to do.

What's up, man? I'm so happy to be here. I can't wait. That's worse. When you start faking stuff like that, it's worse. You got to just be you. You're getting trapped into comments. You're going to lose your mind faster. You're going to be like Ryan Reynolds in, what's that haunting movie? You're just going to lose

your mind, be out back, chopping wood, shirtless. Don't do it. I'm very good at no comments. You get caught, though, every now and again. Something kind of pulls you in, and then you're like, what is this?

What's going on? It's just like you walk around a corner like, what's going on down here, guys? And then you get jumped. You never saw it coming. You're just like, I thought I heard some noise. I thought my dog got out. And then, bah, hurr. And you get lit up.

And it's funny to like see too I think the idea that people want to leave like how much is it so if I get like my energy how much is like this guy's energy sucks so bad and you're like I need to let people I don't know know that I need them to know

that I think this guy's family should die you're like I mean it's a thought that you would be that I think this guy's family should die. How? You're like, I mean, you know, it's a thought that you would be, before the internet, you're like,

well, how could you, you could never get that thought out. Now on the internet, it's like, you're like, oh, perfect. This is great. I'll just type it down here. Hopefully his family sees it as well. It's crazy to me because I've said this to you before. I think everything about like your delivery and your cadence and the way you,

that's why you're funny. So I feel like if you're like a fan of your work, you know that that kind of that, that deadpan, just like, that's who you are. I can't, I can't imagine having a problem with that. Oh yeah yeah they do it's uh no i don't you know and i don't care like it's uh it is like you know that's the i look at it you try to look at it too like that's the thing that's the they get to comment and have fun and uh yeah fun say whatever they want to go say and like that's cool and i should

be down there i learned like you know i never responded to people a long time ago, because I responded to someone. I remember, I'd always make myself, I'd give myself 24 hours. And if I still want to respond in 24 hours, then I will. And you never do. You never, you know. But I remember getting the first, you know, because my comedy is like, I'm not like offending. You know, I'm not like trying to push the boundaries. I don't care what anybody does with anything.

But they, someone emailed me. I had a Walmart joke. And then she, and this is on Conan, Late Night with Conan, like forever ago. And she, like MySpace messages me and says that her fan she got kicked out of Walmart and she was furious about my Walmart joke there's Walmart they're evil people and they kicked her out and her family and I mean you just have to be like I don't know I don't know the story at all but I probably am on Walmart. And I am going off just you messaging me. But I'm starting from Walmart.

I'm standing on their side of the street. You got to earn. You got to get me over it. That's what I would say about when you're looking at stuff like Yelp. When you're reading a Yelp review about a restaurant you're considering, you always have to factor in that that review is written by someone who would write a Yelp review. You can't really trust their opinion on something like that i uh i kind of say in my act now i just have a little not a big joke but a little thing about reviews because it is

they get too specific like and you can start reading them and then you know like when i say my act i'll just say but it's uh like i say like your reader view on a hotel you know, like when I say my act, I'll just say it. But it's like I say, like your reader view on a hotel, you know, like the bed was not that comfortable. The room was a little outdated. You're like, all right. And then it's like, well, hope Samantha, the front desk gets hit by a bus. And you're like, all right. Like your view was so good. And now you've made it too specific. And I can't trust that you don't. It's comfortable. Right. Right. And you're all out the window because you want Samantha to die.

You want her to die. Speaking of your special, Tennessee Kids saw Netflix, and I'm wondering if you feel like you missed a massive opportunity with the Cape Fear Serpentarium show. I thought you meant just the coronavirus and no one's watching. Sure, sure. Yeah, dude, I tried to time it out, and I was a year off. I tried to catch the H1N1.

I was trying to get it out right when that swine flu was going on, and I missed it. I wasn't really ready. It's, yeah, no, I know, the Cape Fear, yeah, it's crazy uh cave fear is basically in my mind i always pictured cape fear when you told the story and the update in tennessee kid as like it's like what in the tiger king it's basically the same thing where it's just like oh is it is there is there an alligator in that cage is he supposed to be out like that? Those things run wild. Yeah, it's exactly that. It was exactly

Tiger King. Did you watch Tiger King? I did. I would have went to that place. Obviously, if you see that, you're not going to not go. People are mad at Shaq. You're like, what do you think? He's not going to go? He's not going to go. You're like, I don't

know, man. Some dude's got time. You go do stuff. Um, that was why Cape fear. I mean, they, you know, that could be a, that could easily have been in document. Someone told me they talked about it on a podcast somewhere. Cause cause the woman, the guy was murdered. And so, uh, they were like, that was a very top, you know, it's like might as well talk about that. Uh, I just went to a reptile place in Wilkes-Barre, yeah. They were like, that was the very top. You know, it's like, we might as well talk about that. I just went to a reptile place in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. One of the, I think the last show I did before the coronavirus.

We go to Wilkes-Barre. I'm walking down like Main Street. Wilkes-Barre is, you know, it's not a huge town. They have this Main Street. And I just see a sign that says reptiles. Like written. And so like, I'm like, all right, well, you know, gotta go we gotta do that uh and we walk into it and it's a it's the guy selling it's a reptile he sells reptiles there was a two-headed turtle there was alligators snakes

he was like goodness snakes he's like you guys just looking around we're like yeah it's like in an office building it's like an office like it looks like it's not, you guys just looking around. It's like in an office building. It looks like it's not a proper thing. Any moment, he's about to get asked to leave. He had a gun in his waist, in the back of his pants. The way they do in a movie.

I'm fine if I see a gun in a holster. That guy probably did the legit thing to get that. he had it in his pants when he was like bent over and like his guns like kind of half hanging out of it like that you know and you're like ah all right i mean this is just wilkes-barre pennsylvania sells reptiles can you imagine that landlord one day being like, dude, you told me you were going to

set up shop for your corporate office. There's no way he's telling that. Yeah, that's so funny. He's like, what are you doing down here? He just has to ask. He has to come in. You still have lines with reptiles?

That's like a kid with a free candy van like you you're you're gonna get killed if you walk towards a sign that has reptiles yeah i you know i just like seeing how people i mean they have this look at that tiger king like uh i think i read that in uh y'all's on y'all's app, Barstool's app, that he said the N-word. Yeah. It was very funny being like, yeah. It was really funny. Just to be like, people are so mad.

You're like, I don't even. All right. I thought you went into this knowing he says that. If you're wondering if a guy from Oklahoma, a homosexual from Oklahoma, if he stands with the minority, the oppressed minority, or the rednecks, I'm going to guess it's going to be with the... Well, if rappers can say it, why can't I? Well, if they can't... I i thought i kept getting confused with him

being in oklahoma me too i kept saying florida over and over and over again and then i'm like wait he's in oklahoma like and then uh the cole the doctor he's like somewhere else too yeah to me that was just like florida is a florida's a state of mind it's not it's not a state it's just like if you do all that weird shit and you behave like that you're from florida i don't care where you're geographically sitting in my mind yeah i think you're doing you know they had out uh i went to the oklahoma zoo once and they've had alligators as high as oklahoma get just like being the wild like it was like that's like the highest they found them I am you know 75% sure that's what they said like every time I say that once you once this

comes out of mouth you're like and I could that could not be true but I'm pretty positive alligators have gone as high as Oklahoma and Des Moines magic was invented yeah yeah yeah that's what they did you think the carol she like obviously killed so does it feel these are the same way of your scott peterson are you gonna go after what's the same yo i heard that they that uh first of all that scott peterson really stuck with you huh that's been on your mind for a long time you made me go watch it i mean dude hey it wasn't like just this easy thing to download either it wasn't like just like it's on netflix the main thing that comes up it's right i mean i

think it was easy but he was like i had to go get like who i have i mean like hulu's world i was never in their world now i'm in now i'm all about and then i end up watching the whole thing and then i just i watched it because you were going crazy about it that night. I can't believe you think he did it. I don't trust you anymore. Yeah. Well, I am Scott Peters.

I kind of look like I could be like, uh, I got out and you're like, try to get by a new life. Like, you know what? If you ever fucking, if you ever get accused of murder,

someone's going to be like, yeah, his energy level is weird. That guy fucking did it. And you go to jail. Then you'll fucking know. Then then you'll know how how it feels to be scott peterson look if if they have more than my energy level like he has another girlfriend that he's lying to at his the wake of his if that if it's just they're like all right his energy level is bad and you're like what else he has a gun he has a boat that he bought then he didn't tell anybody about and he went fishing in that lake that the day before if all that stuff comes out and my energy is also still this i'd imagine my energy has to get up a little

bit to commit murder but if it stays this kind of tone then you'd be you'd be a terrible murderer there is no crime of passion in the nate bargazzi life be like wow i was gonna kill you i had a gun in my pants but it's all right never mind man i would think yeah i don't think i would i think i could get i think i could get to there i think i could get to the point of like wanting to do it you know where you could be like i'm outside your house in the car then you just drop yeah i don't know if i have the energy for a kill but a good stalking i'll throw that your way for sure yeah you can get stuck how has uh i mean i'm sure you had to cancel a shit ton of shows and whatnot right

i mean yeah i feel like the comedy world has been no but i'm still bad i don't know i'm still out there dude uh they uh me i got the tiger king audience that's like yeah we don't we don't care honestly i bet if you certain places right now there's a day for god's show they're showing up man the amount of people they're coming yeah it's uh it's been tough it's uh you know we're canceled like They're coming. Yeah, it's been tough. It's, you know, we're canceled. Like, we're still trying to figure it out. Like, I pushed everything to June, and then there's still some stuff. But, I mean, I'm willing to bet it's going to go until, you know, it could be August. Like, it's really a guess, like, when you do it.

And a matter of, like, I don't want to, like, cancel. I don't want to have to keep rescheduling stuff. Right. You know, you're like, all right, we're going to do june 30th and then you're like all right june's out now we're gonna try you know so hopefully you try we're gonna hopefully maybe probably shoot for something like august or something and just restart back up uh we need you need sports to go back you need uh you know what's baseball let some fans come to some games and stuff like that. We're going to see what happens.

You've done shows overseas, right? Do what? You've done shows overseas, right? You could hit over Belarus. Belarus is still, everything's open. Yeah, their president had some awesome quotes. Their president was like, all you need to do is you need 50 liters of vodka a day and sauna that'll that'll kill the virus he was at a hockey game and he was like

does anyone else see any invisible viruses around here i don't so what are we hiding from oh yeah he's i mean he was he he gave like a classic like belarusian uh quote where he's like it's better to die standing up than on your knees. I'd rather not die. Is there an option to not die? He's like, maybe. Yeah, Belarus. You see every comedian go over there. It's like when you see some stock tip or something,

you see one thing weirdly happens. You're like, why are there so many comics going over to Belarus? They're just doing some shows. Yeah yeah that could be the route to go you know i mean it's so crazy that it's everybody in the world like that's what you keep thinking too that it's out in the air like i won't like you know sometimes you go out you're like yeah dude nothing's wrong with me it's like people are sick like but you're scared of like outside or like it's gonna be hiding you know like it's a plague that's coming through the neighborhood and everything is it like i i will have like a symptom that's not even a symptom of coronavirus and i'm like fuck i got it like i went for a walk and i was just i'm just out of shape and i was just tired afterwards and i was like that's it boobs and you're like is this the coronavirus and you're as you grasp your man breast and you're

like is that could that be why i'm having trouble breathing as you squeeze them maybe it's those wait that's not a problem over i'm like oh i had like five glasses of wine last night like oh that's it that's coronavirus no it's just hangover not everything when they started talking about tastes being a symptom like every bite of everything i took i was like is this all right that tastes pretty normal all right i think i'm good i'm not sure you know it wasn't as spicy as usual i might be dying yeah it's it's uh you know the one thing too i realized is uh how many of my friends that apparently are one heartbeat away from the pentagon with all the text like oh yeah like that's infuriating like i got so many friends

are like all right dude i'm just saying my buddy a good friend of mine just got a meeting with donald trump and like he just got out a good friend of mine just got out of a meeting with Donald Trump. He just got out. A good friend of yours. Someone that you've never, I guess, relied on ever in your regular life. You're not doing that good in life. So you should reach out to this guy when things are normal. This guy's doing so good. But now's the time.

It's something I never told you, but one of my best friends is in the Pentagon, and he knows that they're about to blow up, you know, Nevada. Like, he just heard that they're going to – it's not good if you're in Nevada. And then on top of those friends, though, you get the friends I have, like Kevin, where Kevin just texts me bad news all day. And I just get a heart attack. Kevin's like – and, Kevin, just so you know, I don't know if you knew this, it's 340 died yesterday in 24 hours in New York City.

Someone's dying in New York every four minutes right now. It's impossible to avoid the bad news, and it's just crushing me. Then it gives me anxiety, and it gives what? I think that anxiety is coronavirus. It's a big it's a, that's the C that's the secret. I had, I had you going on, on the Chinese cell phones. I feel like that one really cut you deep.

That was where I tried to give an excuse that I knew was wrong. I was hoping you'd just let it go. And then you called me on it. And I was like, now I got to prove the case even more. 21 million cell phones in China just got turned off over the last three months. Really? You know what that means, but not a good sign.

They're not paying their bill. What if it's as simple as that? That they go, yeah, I don't know. We just all got behind. It's just kind of crazy times right now. There's the coronavirus. So I didn't get to pay my bill. And we're like, ah, well, something.

On a lighter note, were you upset about the Titans not going after Tom Brady? I was surprised by that. I was, as I wear my Titans shirt. By the way, Nate, tighten up, baby. What did you show me? It's Tom Brady back there. No, it's the Titans. Is that Brian Tannehill? He's in there.

I love the flag. I thought that was crazy that they, like, took themselves out of the running, you know. Yeah. I know. It was so much. It was fun talk. Like, you know, that's what everybody got, like, or not everybody. No one really cares.

People get mad about when Tom Brady signed and the fact that the NFL kept doing this shit. Dude, that was great. We had a week of something else. You know. I really did want Tom Brady. It's like the publicity

of it is actually something that I think matters in the NFL. Like, you know, the fact that you're going to be talked about on ESPN every day and like, you know, for two years. That's a great thing. Tannehill was great, though. He was great. But I mean, you know, whatever. I don't know.

You know, it's like it's not like he was. It's not like Lamar Jackson. You're like, obviously we can't. You know, it's like it was a debate. They were not winning because of Ryan Tannehill. He did his thing and got him there and made a couple big plays, but if you can have

Tom Brady... I get the worry of he's 43 and it's funny because I would just go into articles of before we were getting him, I was reading everything about how great it would be to have him and then like after we didn't get him I like looked for articles they're like he's too old man right do it and I'm like you know what that's right they're right uh I just wish we'd have done it for obviously I don't think he's too old I think

he's got a big chip on his shoulder I think there's bad blood when he left uh you know that's all kind of coming out now when he left the page. I think right then, Belichick wanted to trade him a while ago. I think he's got a lot to prove. All I want, and what I would like to know in the end, is if he didn't

want to go to the Titans to begin with. Maybe he wanted to get out of the AFC completely. I heard today that, like, at least according to the Bucs, which, you know, whether or not you can trust it, like Tom was pitching him to them. Like he was the one, like, telling them on Tom Brady, which is just like, so the thought.

That's just Tom Brady. Like that's like, when he called, it was like, I know everything about your defense. I know everything about your – But if there was any vibe of, like, he needed to prove to them that it was a good idea, that at least feels to me like there was still a chance of another team being in the mix. Like, if the Titans had put the full-court press on him, maybe, you know it would

have been maybe it could have been them but it felt to me more though that they were just like no tannahill's our guy which i just think that might have not been the right idea he's a fine if you had it might be good i mean like he like i'm i'm not like i tell like hopefully when he comes back it's like you know he is – he did great last year. And, like, you know, we – he was, like, consistent and, like, you know, I know in the playoffs he had, like, 100 yards or stuff like that. Yeah. It is what it is, man.

Derrick Henry was doing so much. Well, like, all right, so running backs have, what, you know, a couple – usually two or three of those years, and then they can't keep up. Like, if Derrick Henry, you know, if next year is one of his first years of then they can't keep up like if derrick henry you know if next year is one of his first years of decline or something i feel like you're in trouble we i mean we could be i mean you hope it's not i mean you know derrick henry had this i would say this is his this will be like the third real you know last year was like the biggest year the year before you know he never played every down i mean he was never just out there you know last year was the first like this dude is having to do everything uh he was i mean

especially in that past game he was a fucking crazy so hopefully you know i like bravo i like john romsey we gotta look that's the other thing that made us think we're getting a very new england system at the titans uh so i was like i mean, I honestly thought, I thought for a minute, I was like, it's happening. It's going to be the greatest, you know, the craziest thing ever. And then it didn't. And, you know, it's like, there's just no excitement. Like I love free agency of everything.

I think free agency or his trade deadline of every sport is the funnest. This was the first year the NFL did it like the NBA a little bit. Where you didn't know what to do. The NBA, I mean, last year, like after Toronto, when they won, I was so excited to know. Like, once the game's over, you're like, I can't wait to know. Where's everybody going? NBA offseason

is like 10 times better than the regular season and even a little bit better than the postseason. I love that. NBA offseason is one of my three favorite sports. And basketball is one of my three favorite sports. Right. But the drama and the... I'm a big NBA fan. Like, NBA is

I think it's one of my favorite leagues right now. I just think there's so much... The NBA has like some of the once-in-a-lifetime kind of talent in it. Like you got Luka Donic, Giannis, LeBron still playing, Durant. You got some like pretty crazy – Luka Donic and Giannis. Luka's numbers are –

It's nuts, dude. Like anybody they can be, it's nuts. And like everybody should be watching. Like take about like not even having a fan of just just being a fan of like that of sports uh which sometimes the greatest way to be a fan of sports is not to have a favorite team which i believe it's like the nba is very much like you root for certain players you just want to watch them play and see greatness because there's so much of it so much of it. So much of it.

I mean, they're doing so good. And the game moves. I don't think it's too long. Right. It's very, yeah. It's, I mean, you know, you got John Morant and the Grizzlies. I'm trying to watch him. The most important thing they do, though, is they just let the players be themselves, too.

I think they're the only league that gives the players, like, completely free reign. Social media, you want to go crazy, go crazy. Like you can do what you want to wear, whatever you want. Like turn, turn the fucking, I mean in LA now they literally marketed their, the entry walk into the arena. Cause they turned into a red carpet and it's like sponsored by goat or

grail or something like that. And it's like, they just, they, everything to do is fun. I just feel like eventually that's going to lead to some sort of work stoppage because I do feel like the NBA just has so much entertainment value, like sport aside, the fashion, the outfits, the music, all that.

But eventually it's going to lead to like they run the league. They go where they want to go. They force trades. They demand money. And eventually the owners are going to be fed up with it. But until then. They need the money. The only league who realizes, you need us.

Right. You don't want to watch anybody play basketball. Yeah, there's a point where they're like, yeah, but I own the team. So let's calm down a little bit. Let's not act like you could go figure this thing out. I recorded. This is kind of, it's on the topic of nba so like i've been looking at like old nba games you know because the jordan thing's going to come out early and so they've been showing some jordan stuff which uh

which by the way the golf channel is blowing it like how are you not just going through tiger's career like right now like just go through all the major like just everybody would be watching everything so i recorded one of the Bulls-Knicks game. I'm not really paying attention, like one of the old ones. It's 94, and I get there. See, you're Jordan retired. You're like, well, I don't want to watch. Now I'm Jordan.

Yeah, I was watching like a Jordan-Knicks, you know, like matchup. And, like, I read the thing. It said, like, Scottie Pippen goes off. And you're like, dude, he could have went off with Jordan there. That's funny. Tony Kukoc had a big night. Yeah, and I'm, like, I read the thing. It said, like, Scottie Pippen goes off. And you're like, dude, he could have went off with Jordan Ayer. That's funny. Tony Kukoc had a big night. Yeah. And I'm, like, sitting there, and I start watching it.

And, I mean, I go – I was like, maybe he didn't start this game. That's what I honestly thought. I go, maybe for some reason the greatest of all time didn't start in a playoff game. You know? Who knows, man? I don't – you know, it's 94. I remember – you know, but I don't really remember. How much time did he watch, we realized.

He's out that whole game. Did you watch the whole thing? No, no. I fast forward to the end to see maybe, I went to the end because I thought, well, no matter what, he'll be in the last minute of the game. And he was not, he still was not. So unless he just played the middle, I think that's the year he retired is what I learned.

That documentary, I mean, I think it's going to be awesome, but if I'm a producer or director or writer or whatever of that show, there is so much pressure on that documentary to deliver. Like it was so hyped up, and then the internet bullied it into the new release. I mean, everyone, you would have thought that the Michael Jordan documentary could cure coronavirus. People must put

this out and the people need it. It's like, okay, here it is. If it's anything other than 10 out of 10 stellar, I would be nervous as shit if I made that show. I think the benefit you have is you have that everybody can watch Jordan.

I watched another thing on the NBA. They aired something else with Jordan. And you're like, I could just watch this dude. You know, like Charles Barkley said it about him a long time ago. He's like, people can just watch him walk around. Like people just can stare at Michael Jordan. And if he's like – he was like tell me they go play pool and people just watch him and they like they're in a bar and they just stare at him as every shot he hits like he's got this like thing

that you can't believe you're looking at so you do at least have the benefit of your subject of your thing is the most wanted watched you know and we've been kind of deprived of him because he's not really in the he's not in the limelight anymore you always see old stuff so hopefully that that is a big help but you but it is true if they mess up i mean it's eight episodes or something yeah i mean they've got to play off the gate you know because i was wondering to go talk about like you know when he's retired like there's a lot of crazy stuff. Uh, this will be great, but I also need the like unauthorized rogue version. Cause I'm sure,

you know, the, if you're going to have Michael involved and all that shit, I'm sure it's, you know, gotta be something that he likes, but I want to know the gambling and the retirement and all that shit. I mean,

it's, it's crazy that like his father was murdered. Like that kind of story, that would happen right now I mean, it's crazy that, like, his father was murdered. Like, that kind of story, if that were to happen right now, like, you know, if LeBron's father was in the picture and he got murdered, it would be, like, the biggest story ever. And it's like, oh, yeah, by that time, his dad got killed? What? Yeah, it would be unbelievable.

I mean, like, it would be, yeah, it's out of this world that that happened. I mean, it's crazy, too. Like, he retired and then came back and won three more, you know? I mean, it's like, I mean, retired in his peak, you know. If he had won eight, if he didn't miss those two, do you think he retired? Huh? Do you think he retired? Oh, I don't know.

Who, Michael? Yeah. As far as the, some people think it was? Oh, I don't know. Who, Michael? Yeah, as far as the – some people think it was a suspension, like a secret suspension. Oh, I thought you – yeah. I thought you were like, how dumb do you think I am? No. Do you think he retired? What year do you think?

I think it's 1994. They played last night. I won't say last night. That's a huge – Look, I'm not a huge – What year do you think? I think it's 1994. They played last night. I want to be a big conspiracy theorist guy. I'm not a huge one. I think it's tough to keep all that stuff a secret. I'm with you. That's the one I think has some merit.

But typically, I'm with you where I feel like someone will leak it. Like someone at some point when their deathbed would say, Hey, by the way, that's not, that's not. Oh, that's pretty convenient.

Yeah. He had to be, how was he? Send me something. Wasn't that convenient? I just, I mean, yes,

you're probably right, but I don't know if there's enough money and NDAs or I don't know. I'm not going to be the guy to leak. I'm not fucking with Michael Jordan. That's the type of guy who you don't want. You don't want to be on his bad side. Why would they suspend him? Why would you, why would you like?

Well, the theory was that I was gambling that he, you know, he broke some of the gambling rules and that they needed to punish him. My thing is like, if you're going to brush it it under the rug just don't punish him at all you're gonna break the rules then just be like never mind i didn't see that but i don't know if you know maybe you know if the knicks found out that he was gambling and the commissioner and they know the commissioner knows something's got to be done he comes to you and says listen we'll suspend him but for the good of the league let's just not blow this whole thing up i don't know i mean it is far fetched but it's also equally as ridiculous that the best player of all time in his prime in the middle of a dynasty would say no i'm gonna go fuck around and major minor league but his dad was

murdered yeah and that is I guess that would be the impetus. Yeah, and so he's like, alright, I don't, maybe he loses the, you know, he was so good at it, you know, it's like, there's a point that it's like, after the third, after this, you know, after they won three in a row then, and he's just

like, his dad, you know. You think that, but he's also so revered as like this competitive freak who just loved... Yeah, he went and played baseball. I mean, that's the competitiveness. But he's strong. For a guy who can't lose to go mess around at a sport that he... Michael Jordan batting like a buck 90 must have killed him.

I thought I read somewhere that he wasn't as bad. Did you watch that? There was that 30 for 30 about him doing that. he was like coming around like where it was like this dude was starting to figure it out yeah and then he went into bed but i don't know if that's that's everybody says i just i just feel like for a guy who never lose i saw a clip uh chris paul had him at like some sort of camp and they oh yeah they said if Jordan misses a shot, everybody here gets a pair of sneakers. And so there's like

250, there's like a thousand little kids screaming, they're all banging on the court trying to make him miss. And he just drained every single shot he took around the key. And it was just like, no, I don't give a fuck about you kids. Whatever. I'm Michael Jordan. I don't miss. You think they still got shoes? Yeah.

Like a rule's a rule. I need to be learned. Right. Absolutely. There's, there's a world that I honestly don't think they got shoes. No, I think,

I don't think they did. I think they were trying to hand them out to him and Jordan came out like furious, just lit them all on fire. He was like, what's happening here? Yeah. Nobody.

I don't know. Yeah. He just doesn't even know. He's like think is happening here? Yeah. That's a bet. I don't know. He just doesn't even know. He's like, I don't know. That's a bet. I don't know what to tell you. So do you think you'll be, when this is all over, you get back on stage, or even right now

as you're writing material, is this something you're joking about? I think you have to address it. I don't know if I'm going crazy. I mean, I look at a lot of stuff like I think every comic will go after this so if I can come up with something that's

you know that I think is original and that's different and is going to stand out and be good enough I'll do it and if I can't I don't want to be in the mix just the pack of everybody talking about it so like when you see something break if there's like a big enough story that's something nationwide

or in this case worldwide, you feel that there's kind of like a comedian gold rush, like everyone's going after the same jokes? Oh, yeah. I mean, look, the late night hosts go after it all and stuff like that. I think if you can come up with your thing,

I mean, unless you're someone that, like if you're Bill Burr and you're like, I want to hear his opinion on this or Chappelle or something that like if you're bill burr and you're like i want to hear his opinion on this or or uh chappelle or something like you know then then that's yeah those guys should talk about it because you're going to see it but uh other than that like i think you're trying to be funny and like so it's like what's the best thing that you can do you know what's the best thing that you can show you know i remember doing i did a trump joke on a long

time ago on the psych show saying that I liked him. And the reason I did it was just the fact everybody was saying they don't like him. So I was like, how can I write a joke where I say I like him and not get killed by everybody, you know, without trying to really be political or like, you know, just trying to I just want to take that different angle. It's not to me. It's not as fun to take the angle. Aside from Trump, what was the last thing that you kind of were like, every comedian is going to be doing that. I'm going to stay away.

I don't know. I mean, look, I don't talk about sex or anything. I mean, I always think that's something that gets done you know that gets done i mean have you ever done it everybody huh have you ever done it you have sex no yeah i never have to have sex again this is amazing yeah that's the angle i'm that good of a comic that i take i don't even do the things that everybody's doing i don't you know no i don't think i'm look i talk about stuff that people talk about i'm not like i'm doing something you know different but i it's it gets tricky like you know so like you just look at your if you have a coronavirus shark joke, it needs to be very, very good. I'm not saying I won't have one. I might,

I'm sure, you know, my, I'm planning to tape a special hopefully. And so I'll probably have to tape it like soon after we go back to normal. So I'm probably going to address it because it will be just so quick to the time that like you would want to, you know, it's like an obvious thing to address it. So like be just so quick to the time yeah that like you would want to you know it's like an obvious thing to address it so like i would but it's yeah it's like you you just try to you know i don't know you try to do trump stuff is a big that's a big political you know it's like that's a thing that's like i have no desire to talk about because it's like i i mean everybody's doing it i wrote a blog today and dip my toe in the political waters.

And immediately I was like, well, I broke my own rule. Why am I doing this? The rest of my day is going to be filled with comments and tweets and yelling. And it's just you really can't win. It's just it's a stupid battle. Not there's enough people doing like, you know's how I look at everything. If you want dirty comedy, I can send you to people. If you want political

one, there's great comedy. If you want dead horse comedy, Nate's your guy. If you want what? Dead horse comedy. If you want even worse comedy. I think he said divorce. We all heard different things there.

Dead horse. I feel like Tennessee Kid is probably, are you seeing a lot of people streaming it again, a lot of interaction on Twitter? Because I feel like right now, if you've had a hit special any time in the last couple years, or even just like period, I heard that like Bill Burr's specials from like 07 and 08 are some of the most streamed specials right now.

But if you've had one in the past year or two, it's probably good eating right now as far as the streams go. It's definitely good. I mean, it definitely got hit up a lot more. Like you can just tell, you know, just off of Twitter and social media or whatever, you can just see that people that are hitting you up and are saying, like, oh, watch this. It's great. Yeah, it's been crazy. I mean, look, Segura,

Bert, Christy, and Christy Lee both have specials coming out during this time. That's got to be... You know, that's unbelievable. I asked my agent about it. Me and Bert are the same agent. And I was like, it's got to be doing Unreal, right? And he's like, yeah, it's he's like yeah it's good like it's no one's you know people are like watching everything look at the tiger king is great but you're like is it is it going to be as blown up

if we're not just like yeah it was fine it had some very crazy moments and shit but I mean people were acting like it's you know the greatest thing ever aired it was it was just because you're trapped at home yeah yeah so and that's how i want my comedy to be viewed because you're like yeah the difference is that tennessee kid is absolutely hysterical whether you're trapped at home or not that's one of the best specials i've ever seen so i i would imagine most of our audience has already seen it and probably several times over but anybody who has not seen it drop everything and go watch it because it is one of the best specials you'll ever watch thank you we appreciate the time man make sure you guys stay safe and uh talk to you soon all right

i don't know what else to do I couldn't believe you didn't get a goodbye out there see you later you just close it down like you did before just have it go to black did you see my iPad

toss out the window goodbye dude yeah thanks for having me dude this was great Did you see my iPad toss out the window? Goodbye, dude. Yeah, thanks for having me, dude. This was great. Thank you very much, Nate. Have a good one. See you guys later. Turn around.

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