KFC Radio - We Convince Nate to Bring Back Barstool Office Power Rankings - KFCR

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 03:39 Feits did something he swore he would never do 10:03 Nate reveals some jokes he cut out of his roast 35:53 Feits' d*ck is setting off alarms 42:50 KFC buys pints of ice cream in BULK 52:44 AITA Culture 56:52 Video Voicemails 01:18:58 Jackie is dating Helmet Boy ++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Pirate Water: Go to https://drinkpiratewater.com to find Pirate Water in a location near you or order on gopuffYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I don't know what it could be. Bro, your p***s is a f***ing deadly weapon, dog. It's insane. What could be wrong with your p***s? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I got a fever, man.

Yeah. Jackie, look at me. See what I'm wearing? Oh my god. That my god that's that's well for the first i'm holding the mic the mic is like frozen first time ever in history i'm cold and it's because i feel like shit dude i just i can deal with almost anything with sickness, I just can't do the aches. Yeah. I'll do the, I can puke, I can, like, have, you know, the congestion, nose,

and sore throats, like, fucking whatever. When I just, like, my shoulders are just like, uh, that's what gets me. And you know what? I don't like the bullshit about, like, how men are weak

when it comes to this shit. I don't think that's true. I think that our – I think our baselines are different. And I don't think chicks realize how often we're just – we're not talking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think chicks – We're silent sufferers as men. Yes.

Yes. Dude, I went to a wedding this weekend and the priest just straight up woman hating marriage hating motherfucker he was my guy he was like um told this long joke that i'm sure someone has told before but it was the first time i've heard it and i eventually picked up on where it was going but it was great he was like so you know we are here today to to wed you know uh john and kevin and like there's an old passage in the bible in in genesis when um adam was lonely and i know this arm and the leg thing yeah yeah yeah so if you don't know it it's like these law he says all the things that the woman's gonna do he will cook and clean for you she will i think he said something like we'll make her body available to you and i

was like that was you uh she'll never nag you all these things that are completely unrealistic and adam says this is great what how do i get it what's gonna cost me and he says an arm and a leg and adam says what can i get for a rib yeah the story of genesis is that she's made out of a rib yeah so he dropped that joke and then he dropped the even the classiker the most classic joke uh the uh the what does he say the the engagement ring the wedding ring and the suffering and i was like any more you want to get out of your chest you fucking celibate asshole the fuck is that about you don't even know what you're talking about like you've never dealt with any i had to go – You fuck boys. If you're – You fuck children and their men and their male.

When I got married, we did it in a Catholic church, so we had to do that pre-cana shit. And I remember being like, okay, I don't know. It's just part of the process. And then it didn't hit me until I got there and I sat down and I was like, where the fuck would I listen this guy about anything to do with marriage advice from a gym teacher right right right it's it's yeah it's like it's like people listening to bloggers talk we don't know what the fuck we're talking about i have no experience in any of these things why the fuck would i listen to you um anyway uh i think i think women are always like men are such babies when it comes to that. It's like you guys can complain about every single headache you ever get. Every single one.

That was another one. The priest was making the joke for the arm and the leg joke. He goes, she'll never have a headache. She'll never talk about it. He said headache? Yeah. Jesus. He got specific, dude.

Did you have a past life? Were you divorced? Yeah, you guys complain all the time. When we do complain, we fucking complain. But I'm just saying that we don't do it as often. But, like, right now, I'm just going to be like. While we're on the topic. I'm going to bring up periods and shit, whatever.

I did something this weekend. Oh, boy. That. I swore – I'm about to do something. You got caught in a tornado. Where I swore I would never do it. Wait. Is this one of your three? No.

Okay. Because you have – No. This was an internal. The three are like, I'll never die from a tornado. What else? I don't remember what else. Yeah.

Pat has got it somewhere. But we got to remember those. Never die in a tornado. remember what else. Yeah. Pat has got it somewhere. But we got to remember those. Never die in a tornado. Never be homeless. Yeah. And will never be involved in an intervention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those three.

No, it's not my story. Oh, okay. I was like, oh, boy, we got a story. No, it was like, this was just like an internal promise. It was like, I'm not even going to talk about this ever again until 10 years down the road when i sit on a therapist couch and pay them 300 to tell me i did my best boy this is some setup i want to see barbie again yesterday oh my god yeah it was because it's so much worse than i thought like an intervention intervention for one of your close friends or family would have been better than that. I went to see a bar because I had always thought everyone was like the theater was great.

And I was like, well, I'm never going to get to see it in full theater again. Yesterday was National Cinema Day. You cared that much to be like I got it. I wanted to give it a fair shake. What an honorable man. I was like, I don't know. My experience sucks, so I say it sucks. I was like, I got be like, I don't know. My experience sucks, so I say it sucks. I was like, I got to see the full theater again.

So I went. National Cinema Day, every theater before that was the ticket. So like every theater was packed yesterday. I went again. Is that just once a year? Yeah. Okay. I think exactly the same.

I was going to be so – You know what he just did to me? He just violated the terms of our platonic relationship here. He's out on subtitles now on Barstool Radio. I'm not like out. I just like – I don't go out of my way to put him on or turn him off. Whatever.

I was like, are you kidding me? We started this revolution it would it would be like if you know george washington went over the founding fathers was like i don't know about this whole thing anymore i think we should just go with uh with with britain uh so i was already upset if he told me that he liked barbie i would have i would i would think i would have ended the show i i actually do it in barcelona radio we're not doing this anymore so i i think i think exactly the same is by that i mean my overall grade i both liked it more and liked it less at different times i okay i did like i thought it's not and this is like how people explain it to me like when they were on this couch upset they were like it's just goofy we're doing

this again and i was like buckle in for another 30 minutes. Here we go. I was like... It is goofier than I... I was laughing more. I was like, oh, yeah, this is kind of just goofy. It's not, like, funny. I hate the end even more. The worst. It's...

And I actually... If I ever watch that again, I would probably literally throw up. I regret ever making it one way, like, about, like, one specific thing. Because it's the last 40 minutes of the movie are four separate instances of people of just being like it's okay to be a person like it happens to to uh when they go to like the the weird barbie's house and then ryan gosling's like it's tough to be a guy yeah it's like there are four four separate instances of a 10 to 15 minute window where it's hitting you over the head with, it's okay to be a person. Yeah, I know.

That's why I thought it was a kid movie because they're so clear with the message. So what part did you like better? The goofy stuff? The goofy stuff. I was like, ah. So that's still a pretty negative review. Yeah. My grade stays the same.

You can't cite a joke that you were like, oh. And guess what? My theater experience? Same. Worse. Yeah, my grade stays the same. You can't cite like a joke that you were like, oh, I missed it. And guess what? My theater experience? Same? Worse. Oh, worse?

I was the one laughing the hardest. I for sure. Some feminist pussy back there. Shut the fuck up. I 1000% was the hardest and most

often laugher. And I still are. I'm going, it was pretty good. It fine it's what's uh that's i what i cannot believe and i oh and i and it actually was like pregnancy where like i forgot yeah the pregnancy before it started i was like i'm gonna love here we go here we go yeah as soon as it started it started trash this is not good and uh that's like when i eat bananas i really want to like bananas And every time I take a bite

I'm like still hate it Still tastes like weird to me The The musical number The biggest let down Again I was like This is gonna be great Wait but what about

The part you slept through That was fine That was like Probably the goofy stuff I didn't want to speak on that Because I wasn't quite sure But I was like When John was like

Oh I would probably love that part I was like I don't think you would Yeah it was What I cannot believe is that. A lot of those. The argument is still moving the needle. Like, we had a meeting a couple weeks ago doing, I don't know if it ever got aired, but we were doing the Barstool election. And I was trying to fuck with Kelly.

And I said, tell me something bad about the Barbie movie. And Gia was still like, your opinions, what's wrong on it? And I was like, I'm still mad about this. And then at the Barstool Awards, Kirk was like, Barbie fucking sucked. And I thought Caroline was going to, like, you know, stab him in the neck. We're still really. Which, by the way, I heard Kirk, like, liked Barbie. Did he?

I don't know if liked is the right word. I mean, that's, yeah, that's Kirk for you. You just went out there and put on a show. But happy to hear that you still, you know, you didn't totally abandon me and just leave me out to fucking dry. I swear to God, if you tried to just be like, I like Barbie now, I would have had a legitimate problem with that. I think I really would have been like, you're really going to do this to me. You're really going to leave me out there. You've ridden with me through way worse.

Stay the course. Hold. Hold. Yeah, when it gets like the third time, we're like, what about if it's okay to wear it? Like, yeah, it's fine to be a person. It's okay. And if you need to hear that message, I'm glad you heard it. It was over the head.

If you needed to hear that, good. But you're a fucking idiot. It felt like when Dak Prescott wore the it's okay to not be okay shit. It was like, Jesus. You are not alone. Bro, that makes me feel more alone. Shut the fuck up. But also you mentioned the Barstool Awards.

Something's been eating at me all weekend. And it was that we didn't get it hard enough at the Barstool Awards Something's been eating at me All weekend And it was that we didn't get it hard enough At the Barstool Awards And I think I wrote Nate's joke Oh! The Roast of Us by John Feidelberg I took his A similar premise

I don't know if I'm going to like this either You are treading on Should we get Nate in for this or no? Yeah, might as well I don't know if I'm going to like this either. You are treading on. You're not going to see it, baby. Should we get Nate in for this or no? Yeah, might as well. So if you didn't watch the Barstool Awards, it was not very funny. It was very, like, what's that word? Nostalgic. But it wasn't, like, funny, except for when, like, Francis and Nate were up there doing what you should do in those moments,

kind of like Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes or whatever. Like, you're supposed to poke fun at the, you know, self-aggrandizing bullshit going on. And Nate did so, I thought, the best. And the room was really, like, just moans and groans rather than people laughing. And really, you know, you come to realize that it's, like, the five or six people who, like, watch these stand-up comedy specials or they you know like this kind of humor and those are the people laughing and everyone else was like dead silent and so i wanted to be able to uh you can go here and just take that hat off the mic i wanted to say like you know you guys need to loosen up and laugh a little bit but because nate did not go in on us it kind of feels

like well yeah of course you're saying that you didn't you didn't get roasted yeah now to that i say i've done my time i've done plenty i've gotten roasted plenty of times there you know even if we did get crushed i would have uh i still would have said this is the way you're supposed to do it but so we bring you in here because john said has been eating at him that we didn't get it. And so he wrote what you should have said about us. He says, I'm curious what your opinion is. I said this before. I didn't pick and choose

obviously who I did or didn't roast. It was just I picked the best jokes that fit in five minutes. Right. And what you did say was true. Like we did. We were left out of it. Even being there, it was like there are things. I mean, there was not one mention of Saturdays for the Boys at the 20th anniversary. It's insane.

I think that, you know. I didn't even think about that until right now because I'm so, like. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, we're so beaten down. What was that last thing when you just stood in the hallway the whole time because you weren't included in it? Outfronts. Outfronts. Outfronts. I just left.

I literally was like, I'm going home. Again, these weren't real awards, but I was thinking that when they were doing best music, they were going to play second round TKO. They just glossed over us all the time. So what you did say is a good joke. It probably three or four times ago would have hurt more. But we're just like, this is how it goes. So it's not.

Oh, I actually, I left that part. I have that to start. So yeah, because that is still the correct. I wrote one for that I think would work for us. That is still the correct way to assess KC Radio's standing at the company. It's just that it's old by now because it keeps happening ten times in a row. But yeah, I wish it was almost harsher so i could go listen i'm laughing at my shit now i now i don't know if i'm gonna like it from john though

you i can understand i don't know we'll see if he says some shit i'm just like you thought it was a good idea you really thought it was good i i i think it's funny um john and ke Kevin are here. What a surprise. They're not usually important enough to get an invite to these kind of things. John and Kevin are proof that no matter how many times you prepackage a same concept, there's no substitute for likability and talent in the rest of the process. There you go.

There you go. I wish I would have asked for that. I don't know. That's good. That's pretty good That pretty much sums it up Dude I got it again I got it again last At the award show

This girl came up to me And it is by far the most The thing I get the most Asked what you do? No no but it was just like I don't understand why so many people hate you and it said so genuine and they mean

it in a positive way but every time I'm just like I don't know either because I'm genuinely like I don't know I think for me at least I don't think John I don't know why anybody would hate John I get loud I take stands I'm always saying a contrarian opinion.

I get that. But I'm like, I don't get why people really dislike me. So when you say that, I'm always like, I don't know why. It's a good question. I like the people or like the tweet from the man account was like, Nate didn't hold back in his roast. I was like, brother brother if only you knew yeah yeah i mean but that's that's a testament to your your roast because it was like you did hold back and that shit felt like you didn't i i went great uh i went i had to save the show i i i feel bad that they told people like they didn't

tell people anything so nobody prepared i was more nervous when i had to present an award good on you for just saying i'm gonna prepare something and because i felt stupid actually after i felt bad for everybody i i felt i kind of had like remorse after the fact because you did so well and i was like dude you you were perfectly capable of like writing something yourself and doing something in the moment to shine and you just didn't do it and everyone was using the I didn't know what was going to happen excuse. It was like, we knew what was going to happen. There were people on stage, there were going to be awards,

and I could have written something or done something funny, and I just didn't. They didn't even tell us that there's physical trophies. They didn't tell us that you're going to walk. They didn't tell... I was more nervous before presenting the award.

I was like, Caitlin, what do I say? What do I do? She's like, just talking to the mic. I was like, about what? What do I say? I was like, I have this whole thing for later. she's like just talking to the mic I was like about what like what do I say I was like I have this whole thing for later you seemed totally calm you were fine I did oh because in my head it was a disaster oh no I mean well it was

John presented the shittiest decision award and literally that afternoon Tommy walked into his hotel room and said I just gotta go wipe my ass real quick that is so wildly socially inappropriate. You could just go in the bathroom and do whatever you have to do. Right, right.

I don't have cameras in there. Go pee. Go do whatever you need to do in there. That means, like, you know he went in there and was like, oh, got it, got it. That is disgusting. I'll tell you what, though. It feels good.

You know, everybody's like, great job, great job, great job. It is kind of backhanded it's like one time in 10 years you made us all laugh like no no i like they're like giving me a little rub on the head like you did it i think it was more like i don't think it's it's unfair to say that was bro if like a if we hired one of our comic friends to like do a roast for that event those jokes would have been like on par with it so I think it's fair to say that that was like above what we've ever seen from anybody really like

if it was just okay and people were like yeah that was my biggest worry you can ask Tommy my biggest worry was kind of like how the room was but that indifference yeah my biggest worry yeah but I knew they were good like we we i had worked on it for so long now i knew did you think about going there had to be some

some other jokes about us that you cut no no no see i not my bar like i why don't you just go ahead and finally tell the one joke that you want to tell that you cut. I cut two while up there. Just do it. Dave never listens to this show. Yeah, but you got a whole team of people ready to clip. We promise it won't go up. Look at that little shit in your green right there. Right there and right there. I make you an honest promise that nobody from our team

will put it on social media. I really mean that. I'll say the Chris one. That'll go into it. I'll trade you the Dave one for the Gaz and Castellani one. Well, the Gaz one Francis basically did. Yeah, but okay. So the Gaz one only worked if Josh Prey was there because – Oh, wait.

Maybe I don't know the Gaz one. I had a whole – So you know how I do like – Okay, I'll give you. I'll give you like – It's a three-in-one package. You guys should shut the fuck up. It doesn't take a lot To peer pressure me

I didn't have a lot of friends Growing up okay Anything to make you guys like me God Also I wrote a really good joke The next morning I was like Oh can't wait for

To do this one I wrote a really good one The next morning Fuck I might just say that one too Yeah Say it let's go I might stand up

Yeah The floor is yours bud Francis asked me If I wanted to do like Stand up I was like I don't know I don't think so

That kind of like Scratched it for The thing about it And John said I think you said this Is the Pizzolatto right Yeah yeah yeah Like do you remember

When Nick Pizzolatto Wrote True Detective season one And it was awesome Sure yeah It was like He had been writing that For ten years Right exactly

And then they were like Do it again And he was like I can't Yeah So I do think The hard part about-up comedy is like okay that one night was awesome you have to do it every night and new my my ceiling for roasting not to say you can't do it but well my ceiling for roasting like co-workers is very high my ceiling for stand-up comedy is

like open mic like it's just like it's not even like i remember thinking anytime we've done any of these like rap battle things it's like i have to have a barstool employee like piss me off and then i'll like write a little something it's like just do it like all the time like i can't do that you know you guys just got that yeah i mean i have written stand-up jokes like in notes and stuff for the last years and years and years blogging is stand-up jokes but the hard part is delivering yeah you know um so i do the token ceo joke if we all click play right now we can double the views shout out to token it's nice to see josh pray here and so that joke thing continues. That joke then continues. Like, how the fuck did you get hired?

You lied to Gaz about your numbers. That makes sense because usually the number that people lie about is when he asks, are you 18? So a nice little three in one package right there but they had to do the whole firing him thing so i couldn't do the joke it's good yeah it was funny because i had i actually had a really nice talk with chris afterwards like the first like real conversation i've had with him and he was like i'm just glad you didn't do a rehab joke and i was like i crossed it off while on the podium you are this close i don't even think he crossed it off i think it just ran out of time or forgot or something it was it was cocked and

ready to roll what was that one i mean we said what you already said it no but you just did yeah no i had a rehab joke and i i thought better of it and i didn't do it i mean now that i think now that even addressing the fact that there's a rehab joke i think that i think you'll find it all right i don't think the joke's bad the thing is i was like afterwards so i i was like trying to like read the room while i was up there and it was getting i was like i want to try laughs, not groans. So I cut out a joke that I knew people were just going to be like, too far. I don't want to. Fucking libs.

Shut up and laugh. And the groans are still annoying. And I kind of get it, though, because nobody knew how far I was going to go. It's like when Jeffrey Ross gets up there, you know what's about to happen. Yeah, people didn't think I was going to just go. And I told myself, like, if I'm doing this, I'm doing 100%. I'm not going to be like, ha-ha, you're fat. Yeah, right, right, right.

Like, who cares? So what was the joke? The Chris joke? But, like, I'm not even, like, trying to, like, now that we've said what it's about, I think it's a very fine joke. Like, it's just factual statements. You're already fine joke like i like yeah it's just it's just factual statement you're already an asshole dude yeah not no no i don't i don't think this joke makes me an asshole because i don't think so at all it's like it's public everything but i

just i knew on the fly i was like it's like a minahan kill yourself joke like we know yeah i mean rona had the best suicide joke of the night. It was like, Kirk versus the voices in his head. Yeah. Fantastic. Also, the first time I ever have talked to Kirk was at the after party. No way, really? Yeah, never. You guys have never crossed paths and, like, spider-monkeyed each other?

No. Kirk's like Ghost of Christmas Future with the spider-monkey, you know what I mean? Like, it's stirring the pot for the last 20 years. Yeah, seriously. And, like, it was pleasant. Okay, tell a joke. So it was, like, I think it was just after the first joke or second joke, whatever. And it was like, all right, well, I've done two jokes and I only have four minutes left.

So Chris, you can check in and out of rehab by the time I'm done up here. I mean, it was an unusually short. It was an unusually short. I would get Colleen's. That's what I would get. A bunch of people scared to laugh. Again, it's publicly owned. It was an unusually short? Was it unusually short? I would get Colleen's. That's what I would get. A bunch of people scared to laugh. Again, it's publicly known. He was in rehab for five days. It's a funny joke.

It's a short time to be in rehab. When he thanked me after for not doing the rehab joke, I was like, you got it, Buster Brown. Wait, go back. I want to sell that shirt. What album cover is that? It's like the new Drake one that he never put out. Okay, go down.

I didn't know that. Oh, that's what it is? So Adon like the new drake one that he never put out okay no go down i didn't know that so yeah so adonis his son drew like a dog okay because i put that on a shirt uh i don't know one of these guys who were great at this shit fucking talented that's not the same come on allison was like we will get c indeed instantly i don't think that's close enough at all i don't think so either i i because i was like oh i'm so out of touch that must be like travis scott's album i thought it was you dude i didn't that's a great shirt i mean i'm not saying i don't i would say i don't have fans no but you know you don't have to sell shirts anymore i have equity i don't have fans i'm just i'm just here what what would have been uh if you had to roast yourself what would what would have hurt the most

i'm so easily roastable but like okay but but you know that's the hard time yeah it's great and you you guys figured out the things to say that people either haven't said or have never said publicly why don't you guys write one i've been why don't you guys write one for me john just wrote wrote one for us how about we you write one for yourself on on anus nick was doing roasts for a while of people and i was like i would like to see how hard you could go at me and he's like all right we'll do it and then they never did it uh move to chicago yeah then you had to get out of it running scared from the dog um uh i i don't i would say like right now i'm as like unflappable as i've been like it took 10 it

took 10 years as a fucking superhero it took no i'm saying it tooklappable as i've been like it took 10 it took 10 years no it took no i'm saying it took 10 years but like i can finally like laugh at myself it took a while took a while yeah i i thought you know it would have i mean you know who needed to do what you did is smitty if smitty make fun of himself what no make fun like when you know you're getting the award i mean he stood up and walked to the fucking stage before yeah they announced that was funny yeah that was he was waiting like i know this is my award he made a joke he needed himself i know but he should have been like about dave yes he should have flamed everybody well if maybe if they told us hey they didn't tell us yeah i guess god i guess if he did if you don't know you're

gonna win most likely to keep a job while doing nothing for 20 years. But as soon as he, you know, knew that, he should have been like, okay. I don't know. They're just fucking. I don't know. What's the difference? Fucking. I am what I am.

It's almost like why it's hard to roast Mincy. He's just exactly like you can't parody the unparody. I mean, you know, say all the bad qualities. No, I'm like it's – Nate's here. Uh-oh. John's cooking. Nate's here.

Nate's been flying high since he crushed at the Barstool Awards the other day. Hey, Nate, just so you know, you can be good at your job every day if you want. That's good. That's good. That's good.'s good that's good i like it that is very good there you go you have not done your patented uh like get out over your skis after a good moment and completely ruin it though that yeah that is i mean he's still talking about too much i'm saying that as a joke and also as a you can do do that every day. Like honestly, why don't you just – What, make people laugh every day?

No. Well, yes. But like why don't you run with this and do like the way people used to do Barstool Confessions or whatever? Do like the Barstool roasts. I used to do the Power Rankings. But it's like bring them back. I know everyone. But there, it actually is a perfect time to bring them back because Barstool Radio too. We're like – it's like you wanted it back and now it's like, bring them back. I know everyone. But there, it actually is a perfect time to bring them back

because of Barstool Radio, too, where it's like, you wanted it back, and now it's back. People are asking for it. Everyone's always asking for power rankings. As your somewhat superior, I demand you do it. I am the editor-in-chief, young man. Probably have a better title. I probably have another month before this job's done.

I think it's crazy that you wouldn't run with this and do it too much also i mean i i probably should you're right i also have a little feeling of like too much of a good thing it's just like oh well you might as well try yeah rather than just going back to doing no things you know i don't know please i don't know is maybe i read more blogs about the Celtics backup center. I think how much of those do you actually like? Yeah. Let's be real because we've heard lore over the years of like as editor in chief.

I'm up till 4 a.m. Reading blogs. I'm like, no, you're fucking not. No, I mean, it is like always on the clock type thing because of breaking news and like yes but like when news is not breaking you can be off the clock you just never know when it's gonna break sure we get notifications on our phone like every time people will submit something at 1 30 in the morning but but like and i'm not asking this and like uh but like like i don't know i don't read every word of a greenie right i scroll it to make sure there's no like end moms right i'm. I'm not asking you to see how much

work. I'm just curious. If I was editor-in-chief, I would read a headline and be like, there's nothing in there published. There's sensitive... Most of the blog, or most of the jobs... I think they did that, and it didn't work. You would think that. That would be my system, too.

As long as you're not writing about politics, and then someone's like, okay, I'm writing about a dead girl. The headline like Kyrie Irving. What was that headline? I'd probably be like, I'll give this one a scan. What was it? Like Black Lives Matter?

It was a mess. Who wrote that one? That was the church, the one. What was it? That guy. Keith, I don't remember. I know it was about... Oh, yeah.

It was just... It was like Black Lives know, it was like. Yeah. Black Lives Matter. Like, fuck white people. It was the whole thing. Yeah. That was ugly.

Woof. But I can't believe he did this job by himself. It's me, Hubs, and Clem. And we're just always underwater. Like, always. Yeah. I think it's almost, like, insane if you don't do power rankings Or something of the like You can call it a Barstool roast once a week

Here are the characters at Barstool that did something So I'm going to write jokes about it I think you'd be very good at that Because guess what you do do it just like privately Every week it's like I was just sailing smoothly Brother this is it you do one good thing And it's like do more dance for me

Do more good work I guess we're a radio show every day You guys are idiots brother I this is it you do one good thing and it's like do more dance for me do more radio show every day you guys are idiots yeah so you could do a once a week blonde that's a good point fuck no I'm not saying like I loved doing power rankings back in the day I'm sure you did uh most people like they it became strange like I didn't I liked the people that I was making fun of and then like there's definitely an element people would get upset and i would feel bad be like you know it's just jokes eventually but his company has to become a company and like you're not a family you're not like best friends it's like there is all you're working in comedy it's like like stand-up comics make fun of each

other in like the circuit of live shows like okay i did i did a powering joke about smitty and we were on good terms at this point it was like smitty's gonna you know launch another show that's gonna not take off or whatever and he was like i get it's a joke but it's also like dave reads that and then he starts thinking about my job my shows i haven't taken off listen should smitty be in the crosshairs every day maybe not that's where you gotta have a little bit of talent to like make fun of people think i can affect their career which if that's actually in people's heads that like my power. I think you make fun of the people who, you know, even even like like Francis cracked the joke about Brianna, which obviously was rude.

But it's like Brianna is a fucking megastar and ain't no slowing her down. So Francis can say whatever. I'm surprised you didn't just come out and be like, oh, you're you still work here. Like, you know, I mean, you know, in one month I made, you didn't just come out and be like, oh, you still work here? You know what I mean? Well, that was the thing. In one month, I made – you know what I mean? Honestly, in a self-deprecating way but also very honest way, it's like that's why I can make a joke about Pardon My Take doing the same joke for seven years. They're fucking Pardon My Take. They're the biggest podcast on the fucking planet. So I think anybody who works here – I actually think it sets a good tone.

We're getting very Barstool Radio here instead of KCC radio but it sets a good tone for like if you work here this is what it's going to be like and partially as a person who fucking went through it all the time I'm like why does everyone else get protection but not even just that everything was always the butt of a joke and that's how it fucking works

so why is it like we can't talk about this now or the other thing who fucking cares when it was nine of us ten of us whatever and every single thing that i tweeted or put onto the internet dave just made like into look at this fucking loser i think he would love uh power rankings no no but i'm saying like i get the sensitivity side of it you just don't want to be that you just don't want to be the person under the microscope it's always funny until it's fair fair absolutely but like everybody takes their turn in it and if you i don't know like i said like jeffrey ross is known as like the roast guy i think all those people eventually are like oh he's you know they're not they don't hate jeffrey

ross yeah maybe the first time he tells a joke they do and then you get over it you realize i i obviously get the sensitivity particularly for like younger people who aren't comfortable at their standing yet. But also there is helpfulness in it. I remember a day of quote-unquote roast of Smitty. He was just mad at Smitty yelling. And it completely altered how I was going to do things. Because, like, it was, like, I was young, and I was, like, I thought, like, funny things were, like, oh, it gets drunk, it goes to this. It gets drunk, it goes to that.

Because I was, like, 24 or whatever age I was. And Smitty did, like, drunk SATs or drunk something. And Dave was, like. It's a bit, yeah. Dave was, like, doing blank drunk is, like, the lowest form of content. And I was, like, ah, all right, I'm not going to do that stuff. It is good, yeah. And I was, like, it almost, like, opened my eyes. I was, like, oh, like the lowest form of content. Yeah. I was like, ah, all right. I'm not going to do that stuff. It is good. Yeah.

I mean, I was like, and I get almost like, oh, I was like, I was like, oh yeah, it kind of is like,

just like, sure. Nonsense. I'm not going to do that. Sure. And, but that, like,

it wasn't like, I didn't have like some career plan, but I was like, oh, that could be goofy. And then I was like, no, I'm not going to do that.

And I think like, it can be, it can be, it can hurt and also can be beneficial. You're like, oh yeah, you're right. That is like,

it's like, I got to have a little bit of thick skin. I think everyone here, I don't, I don't want people to not try something because they're scared they're going to be roasted. I think Dave kind of got to me in that way. I also think it's a thing of if you're doing something enough to get on the power

rankings roast, it's making waves a little bit. You're not going to bring up something that nobody watched. It's kind of like they don't boo nobody who wants a token CEO I didn't say it you said it I just said your joke

I didn't say it and I didn't laugh both you guys are fired I don't find that very funny at all just a groan that whole room just went groan groan alright so you heard it here first, official.

Nate is doing Barstool Power Rankings back once again. It goes hand-in-hand with Barstool Radio. It's kind of, like, perfect. So start doing it. It's once a week, you fat pussy. Just fucking do it. I'll do it! Do it, do it.

Oh, by the way, you can do... You guys will be nice to me. You can also be a pussy and throw in, like, star of the week and you give somebody some love. Well, it always was. Okay. It always was. So then shut the fuck up. What if we do it on –

Whenever it's out of nowhere, just fucking hit. What if we do it Thursdays at the end of our school radio? So we can talk about it on the radio. We'll announce the – We're going to announce the person who wins the money for the week. And right before that, we'll read the Power Rankings blog. Here's a free one. No, we want people to click on it, you idiot.

Okay, so you publish it in the morning and then you read it. Oh, listen, nobody cares about clicks. Oh, nobody cares about the website. I don't think. That's actually... You know what? That is the roast joke of Nate, I would say.

Nate's entire existence is trying to get clicks on a website that no one's ever going to click on ever again. Fucking 2012 ass over here. You go to Perez Hilton next, you fucking loser. I think publish it in the morning and then you can read it live on air.

I'd rather people... Or you can read it live on air I'd rather people Or you can read some You don't have to read word for word Read like the one The big one of the week That everyone's talking about And then go see the other ones On the website

We'll play some hits And we'll do Yeah, the lottery We'll drive to the site We'll go Oh, wait Here's a joke You can even start

So you're saying it has to be done How we're trying desperately To get this lottery going And it won't work You have no idea That was going to be done how we're trying desperately to get this lottery going and it won't work you you have no idea that was gonna be like the biggest loser of the week desperate attempt to do this lottery people want free money i'm never in it i don't give a fuck pay to go to work yeah or get a thousand dollars to go to work i don't know um wait what did you say uh i forget okay so excuse me get out get out it's disgusting get out you're done

all right thanks for having me you're done get out it's been a pleasure thursday three days yeah right on wednesday night write one blog by the end of the week oh i can't do it. Smitty ass motherfucker. Game Time is the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. It was created by fans for fans. It is a ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals for tickets to sports, concerts, and shows.

And they guarantee the lowest prices. I went to Chappelle recently at his birthday party. It was a celebration, bitches. That's what it was called, not me saying that. It was game time, got me in the door. It was incredibly awesome, and there's really nothing that beats, despite what everyone wants to tell you about, the at-home viewing experience, blah, blah, blah,

nothing beats being in the building. It doesn't matter if it's for a concert, a show, football game, Drake, 21 Savage, Morgan Wallen, Luke Combs, SZA, baseball, U.S. Open. I will be going to the U.S. Open this year. I got to see my boy Carlos. Vamos, Carlos. It can all be possible with the GameTime app. The biggest last-minute price drops can be found on the seats you thought you could never buy the purchase process takes just two taps in 10 seconds and once you buy your tickets they're delivered directly to your phone no printer needed the app

also allows you to really share to easily share tickets with friends via text so you can get into the game seamlessly skip the hassle and enjoy the moment. Download the GameTime app or go to the website, enter your email and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply. Okay, Am I the Asshole and some voicemails? Okay, yes. I guess I could

spin these both as Am I the Asshole, but one I just want to get on record because we're about to go on the road. When are our shows? September 19th through. Shit's coming up. Get your tickets for the fall. For the fall leg of KFC Radio Live.

Where are those ones? Indianapolis, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, and then Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and Columbus Are also in there So we're going to be traveling a lot So we're going to be going to the airport a lot You took a video of me the other day There is I want to get ready So when it happens a bunch of times

There is something wrong with me And TSA will stop me Every time Every time It is You get stopped every time I've flown seven times this month I think I got stopped four or five Every time. It is. You get stopped every time. I've flown seven times this month. I think I got stopped four or five.

Every single time. Every single time. And it's gotten to the point where I've retired pants. I'm like, I can't wear those pants to the airport anymore. It's not the pants. And you don't have any hardware or anything in you. There's not like a literal thing. I think maybe I got a surgery when I was a kid,

and my parents haven't told me about it. That's entirely possible with your parents. I could see them being like, oh, there was that time when you were like an infant and you fell down the stairs and we had to put like a brass plate in your head and we didn't tell you. That's so on the table for polyamory. Crazy. It is every single – not every single time, but it is most times and every time it is incredibly invasive. Yeah, they get in your dick and shit. It's the full treatment every time.

Yeah. That's why I started filming. I was like, yo, he's getting the fucking dick down. We're going to have to have a super cut of me when we're on the road because we're going to fly. I think we're flying a lot. I guarantee 50% of the time I will be stopped and patted down heavily. And guess what? The pants that I initially retired.

Are back. I retired them because I always wore them to the airport because they're linen and they're comfortable. Now that I know it's not the pants, I'm going to wear those pants all the time. So you're going to get my dick. You're going to see my dick. Because you. He hit the karate chop right in your groin. They do.

They make it clear. They're like, I'm going to go. Yeah. I'm going to go face. On your dick. If you. I don't know if you can see on the camera there every time it is like the red square it's it's it's my penis there's no two ways about it like the tsa guys will just be like i used to get my ankle as you for some reason i know you're talking about it's just a red yeah

this is the problem right here and i'm like like, I don't know what it could be. Bro, your penis is a fucking deadly weapon, dog. It's insane. What could be wrong with your penis? A lot. Nothing that would set off a metal detector. Absolutely nothing that would set off a metal detector. Again, as far as I'm concerned.

Think about it. Every time you go through, somebody goes, man, that guy's dick is dangerous. Something that's never said in any other scenario. I call my shit Muhammad Atta. Every time I'm about to fuck, you say, let's roll. I'm about to blow that pussy up. I'm about to take down both. It is.

It's every time. And it's, I don't know. It kind of karate chops up your sack. It's very short. It's not. On that, it's every time. Because I also was like, I don't know if I'm allowed to. I think you're not allowed to film them, are you?

Someone's going to have to go in front of me before TSA. Yeah. Because it's going to happen. And John, at the very end there, you can see him smirk a little. I can't not. I'm going to start asking for a private room so I can laugh. John's going to start asking for a private room. You can put a couple fingers in, too.

Go ahead. Just get the lube out. I really do look like I'm getting... I don't know if it's the way my pants are hanging or my shirt's hanging. I look like I'm on my way to Guantanamo. Yeah, no shoes. You're just like, yep, I'm a prisoner of war here. That's so good.

And then they were like, yeah, go ahead. You're free to go. Every time. I got nothing, man. Bro, let me just real quick. As I was looking through my phone, I took a screenshot on Pornhub the other day. This fucking caption absolutely slayed me. You know how I like the previews where the cartoon is fucking?

Yes. This one says, and by the way, I don't know why I clicked on tattooed stepsisters of a sweet female-female-male threesome. That's not something I would usually click on. But thank God I did. I must have just liked the thumbnail. Read the ad, like the caption. Oh my God. It's one of those porn games.

And it says, start your family and come within 40 seconds. And try not to come. And try not to come within 40 seconds. Start your family and try not to come. What does that mean? Just pop in the home video. Start your family. I guess it's. What does that mean? Pop in the home video. Start your family. I guess it's like you're doing a Sims game,

so part of it is like building a family or whatever. But if you're trying to entice me to click on your porn game, start your family is not the way to do it. Don't bring up my family. Start your family and try not to come in 40 seconds. Okay. Those are two completely opposite things. Very. Try not to come and 40 seconds Okay Those are two completely opposite things Very

Try not to come in starting a family You're diametrically opposite Maybe that's what it was Maybe it's some poetic shit Who knows Oh and then Okay here's an am I the asshole This is something I learned this weekend

And I got one too Am I the asshole Am I the asshole if I'm going to break my vow of never being a part of an intervention in order to have an intervention with my coworker who buys five pints of ice cream at a time? I'm hiding in plain sight. I've said this many times and you guys don't listen. You've said it, but when I heard you were buying them all in one clip It's just convenience, bro.

Sometimes they're on sale. That's so much worse. You want me to go to the store every day? You're like, I'm buying five pints of caramel ice cream. Sometimes it's a two for one. I'm only paying for two or three. I get five.

Leave me alone. So much caramel ice cream. But, you know, here's the problem. I mean, I'm obviously fatter than I once was. But, like, I've been doing this for a good amount of time now. And, like, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. So I'm kind of like, why should I stop?

Like, okay, here's the thing. I used to not eat a pint of ice cream at night but i would i don't know have a fucking donut or some cookies or whatever i feel like i just like swapped one in and one out and it's like the same yeah now it can't be because a pint of ice cream is like 10 000 calories um but i'm like i think i think my body has just been like like costanza and frogger like i can do this like my body i've been eating so many and Frogger. Like, I can do this. Like, my body – I've been eating so many treats and dairy my whole life that my body is like, oh, we can process this. No problem. You're good.

This is actually fuel for our body. I don't know. I mean I do genuinely have to stop though. As much as I say nothing is changing, like it feels like one of those things where I'm going to turn 40 and just be like – Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean again, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. When I see myself on camera,

like head to toe, I'm like, Ooh, yeah, you know, I don't like how it looks, but it's not like, maybe it's because I work at a place with a fat pen and there's always somebody

else to compare where I'm like, well, not that. So it's not like I love how I look and I am by no means under any illusion that I'm in good shape, but I'm also like, I don't know. I love this ice cream.

I feel like people made fun of, I was looking at the pictures and shit from the 20th anniversary, and people used to call me fat. When I looked, I'm like, I was 175 pounds. I would suck someone's dick to be 175 now. What are you now? Like 200. So I put on like 20 pounds.

I was lying about 175, I was 180. But I put on like 20 pounds from like, about 175 was 180 but i put on like 20 pounds from like you know basically 30 to 40 which i think is you know probably pretty normal but i'm like but i mean when i saw pictures of myself there i was like skinny remember when remember like not recently but relatively recently i was talking about during like the extra large and large thing and i was saying like i used to wear mediums and you were like when did you ever wear medium yeah i was wearing like mediums like for the first half of my career and people were like you're fucking fat what they were like you're bald and fat and i was like what is going on here i've got hair i'm 180 pounds now you can start to say

some of these things but i'm like well now you're supposed to say these things about me i'm a fucking washed up 40 year old dad you know but at the time i remember being like i guess i gotta like get like a six pack or something i don't know like there's nothing like no more fat i guess i just gotta get like in shape but i was looking at those pictures being like i was like a scrawny skinny little bitch and people were like you're fat yeah you weren't skinny it's crazy um but yeah the ice cream's going to stop. Five a rip. It's too much.

Dude, like – And don't get me wrong. I blame them for the portion size because I just eat what's in front of me. That's in general. You give me a sleeve of cookies, they're gone. You give me a thing this big, that's what I eat. A brownie that's this big, that's all I eat. But they do make a really small one, but that's too small.

So if they make one in between, that's like a little baby, and it's legit two bites. I'd buy two of those. So that's what we need, is like two of those. But I don't buy ten of those. Okay, but you will buy what? Three bags of fucking this,

and two bags of that, and ten bags of that and 10 bags of mangoes and i bet you add it all up and we're probably in the same fucking boat i just literally the only thing i eat tonight is ice cream what do you eat every night i i actually tweeted it last night it's been happening a lot recently a lot of times he said that exact phrase sleep eating sleep it's been happening a lot recently it's like i, I, I, like, I tweeted last night like midnight. I was like, the highlight of my night

every night is I get into, I like, turn the lights out, get in the bed, I snuggle up, I get comfy, and then I just,

I audibly, out loud to myself, evil laugh. What you're about to eat. Knowing I'm about to get up and get snagged like so it's like it's like it's like we are in the same boat i do exactly the same thing and you know that's called addiction like i literally every morning i'm like dude don't eat the ice cream tonight you don't have to you're being a child i remember um when when tom cigar got in shape he was talking to i think burt uh or maybe somebody else um about like not eating and he was like you know when your body when your

brain tells you like you need a snack like don't do it like what are you a fucking child you need a little snacky poo like just don't do it and you're and but my brain every night is like brother it's ice cream time and i'm just, I enjoy that like probably two minutes. It takes me to wolf down a fucking pint more than any other moment of my day. And I think my brain knows that and it tells me to do that. And it's like sugar time, sugar time, sugar time, sugar time. Every fucking night. And I love it.

I love it. I'm pitch black. I'm comfy. I'm cozied up. And it is like, it's like the official transfer of Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde where I'm like, he believed he was just going to bed. He really thought so. He really thought we were not going to eat two fucking bags of Airheads and 40. What's funny is you mix in almonds.

That's nuts. I cover it all, man. I cover it all. And guess what? Wait, so that is Airheads, a fruit ice pop, almonds, chocolate-covered almonds. What is that Unreal thing? It's like a peanut butter cup. Peanut butter cup.

Low sugar. And what's underneath the Airheads? Zin. There's another Zin right there next to the water bottle. And to be a little more honest with everybody, at the end – You're good, by the way. You can stop now, but go ahead. When I cleaned up,

I don't have nightstands, so like... You got your sheet pockets. I just put a... Actually, I have a different pair of sheets on right now, so I don't have sheet pockets. So I just put everything on the floor next to my bed, and I almost took a picture of it this morning, but it was so gross that I couldn't.

I was like, even this is low for you, John. We're like... Because I have my underwear next to me, because I just take off my clothes right before I get to bed. And then... You sleep naked? Yeah. And then I...

So wait, every time you tell us a story about sleepwalking to the fridge, you're naked? Oh, yeah. Did you guys know that? I didn't know that. I think that's a new revelation.

And that is super disturbing. So while you're like walking to the fucking fridge like farting, it's just like bear cheeks, dick swanging, and you're just sitting there eating chicken and almonds and arrows. Disgusting. Peanut butter and jelly. And you dare have an intervention from me.

You know what I do? I sit there like a nice boy with a spoon, and I just eat my ice cream, and I throw it out, and I go to sleep. You are a literal animal. Actual raccoon fucking searching through the garbage. I also, last night, I ended up eating four popsicles. literal animal. Actual raccoon fucking searching through the garbage. The, I also, last night I ended up

eating four popsicles. I got, I didn't go to bed until like 4 a.m. Popsicles are kind of a joke. Yeah. Those are like good for you basically.

But so next to my bed it was all of that and because I couldn't fall asleep, I probably, I took a second melatonin at like 4.30. Ooh.

That's dangerous. Yeah, I'm not feeling good today. I'm pretty high. And, the, I didn't even touch this. Next, like 4 30 and that's dangerous yeah i'm not feeling good today i'm pretty high and uh the next next to my bed was all that but the really gross part is i like because i don't have a nightstand and the thing about zin or or nicotine pouches is like when you dip you just like spit the whole thing into the bottle you're spitting into. But I don't spit this.

So I don't have a spit bottle. So I just take my Zinzow and I just spike them on the floor next to my bed. And I clean them up in the morning. So there was like six Zinzow pouches. And then a bunch of candy. And then three pairs of underwear, I think, because I haven't cleaned up since the last three beds. I was like – I almost took a picture.

I was like, this is disgusting. Never mind. I'm not going to take a picture of this. Again, bear in mind, this segment started as this man telling me I've got to get a new one. But I buy all that nightly. It's all individual. You are. So you're telling me the problem

is that if you went to the store and bought five Airheads. Buy it in bulk. It's like your friend when you were a kid who shopped at Costco. You're like, dude, you got way too many calories in this house right now. I'm honest with myself. I know what's going to happen. Bro, why do you feel the need to spike

them on the floor? It's fun to flap. By the way, if you don't work with Feidelberg soon, I don't know what I mean. I'm going to protest at the fucking Zinn factory. Are you going to do it right now? Yeah. The Zinn spike. The Zinn spike should be a thing.

Wait, mine's going to probably not work. Is it not working right now? I hate this. Can we buy a new mic? Yeah. Just buy one today. Get it delivered tomorrow. Oh! Oh!

That was like a thwop. You know what it is? It's like the snappers without the snack. But you get the same throat. Oh, you are disgusting same throat. Oh, you are disgusting.

Now there's just like a spit stain on the table. Now it's dirty. Okay. Um, last, am I the asshole? This is more about, am I the asshole culture?

Uh, I posted this to my Instagram the other day, so we're not even going to do this one. Far be it from me to complain about, am I the asshole on the internet. It's become a staple here on KFC radio. And it basically, what,

what, what am I the asshole? The Reddit page and the Twitter account did was just formalize internet discussions. That's all it is. So it's just internet banter. So I can't be like, stop doing this because it's like, it's obviously,

uh, it's just people talking but um i i posted this the other day uh let me go to toxic reddit toxic reddit on instagram is one that is just like you think you're a bad person or whatever am i the asshole for yelling at my daughter no and that her mom isn't here okay 40 year old male i have a daughter clara eight female my wife jenna just recently passed away and i've been struggling with it these past few months clara has been really difficult to deal with she often throws temper tantrums anytime we go out or whenever i ask her to do something yesterday night that's what we were saying yesterday night just called last night uh i was putting clara to

bed and she demanded i tuck in her favorite teddy bear into bed like mom does i told her no and went to leave the room she then got out of bed and started screaming and demanding i do it like mom and that she wanted her mom to do it why couldn't mom be here to do it i lost my temper and screamed at her no and that her mom isn't here anymore and she needs to accept it and stop acting like a baby. I slammed the door and went down to the living room to cool off. I could hear her sobbing through the door, but I just decided to let her be. He eventually says that he went next door the next day and his neighbor came over to borrow the lawnmower. And he said, I thought since he has kids himself, he would understand my point of view.

And he said, I think what you did was a dumb move. I mean, I'm sure you'll have a take here. I'm sure. As I was reading it, I was like, I know what's going on. I know what's about to happen here. No, no. I mean, obviously, in reality, that is not how you handle it. But in a couple of months, I didn't know. I didn not how you handle it. But in... I mean, it's been a couple months.

I didn't know... I did see you tweet this. I didn't know it had been months. Months is a long fucking time, dude. We're still tucking in the bear? Still asking for mommy? Months is... Bro, if you need to collectively ask the internet,

am I an asshole for screaming at my eight-year-old, get over the fact that your mom's dead? You got some fucking issues, dog. Look, I mean, there is logic behind you can't baby someone forever. At some point, you gotta face the real world. Yeah, listen, if she was a 28-year-old female and it's been going on for a decade, I understand.

But, I mean, come on, people. Let's make the am I the assholes A little bit more nuanced I fucking chopped her head off with an axe Because she didn't make my favorite dinner Am I the asshole Okay Let's get to voicemails Attention all partiers and ragers

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If you're doing the same, you need to be doing it with a pirate water. You've seen it on our socials. You've seen it on our podcast. You've seen it on Barstool Radio. There is no good time without without pirate water nearby so go to drinkpiratewater.com to find it in a location near you or order it now on goprop follow and tag at pirate water in your post for a chance to be reposted also call into the voicemails for the voicemail of the week in which case you will get pirate water and merch what's up guys quick question for you if you were to pick your ideal comedy show lineup who would you pick doesn't have to be a list or

the most popular comics but some who you feel would fit well together just some of your personal favorites let me know thanks guys i was thinking about fully loaded the other day i mean that fully loaded lineup in new york was pretty close to, I remember telling someone and being like, wait a minute, this is like maybe the best comedy lineup ever. Yeah. You know, it was,

it was a missing like Chappelle, but it's like Gillis, Soder, Rosebud, Bert, Sypha, uh, like I'm seeing it.

Um, big, a big J tell him stories. Like, I mean, it was like, that was crazy. That was,

that's like some dream team shit where it's like, tell was crazy. That was... That was like some Dream Team shit where it's like... A tell. A tell. Yeah. Some of the best comics in the game right now were like coming off the bench. It's like, holy fucking shit.

This is a very difficult question. Give me like a line up of four. I was going to say, for sake, what's the line number? I don't... Because you know what's funny? Like... I don't – Because you know what's funny? It's Bargatze, Soder, Shane.

And then – In any order? Yeah. Dude, like Shane – I mean – Those are three guys that at any – at one point I was like this guy is the best. Yeah, yeah. You know? Like when Nate was on top, I was like he's the funniest maybe to ever do it.

Soder, I was like this is the most underrated guy ever. And Shane now is like undeniable. So like at one point all three of those guys to me were like at the top of the game. We kind of said it on the other episode where like I went to Chappelle. I mean – I went to Chappelle. Like good Chappelle. They're going to get to Chappelle I mean I went to Chappelle like good Chappelle they're gonna get good Chappelle

it was very good but I the reason I went was I knew Shane was opening and like and I I knew Shane was opening and I knew he was doing material

I've already seen a handful of times yeah but you knew he was gonna bring it to at the Garden opening for Chappelle he's gonna fucking bring the heat but even like

if that was a comedy show I would go like I I like like it's so every time I laugh just I laugh, it just starts as the first thing. But I will say this. Like, I still think, now I've been, you know, blessed to see a lot of these guys many, many times now. I still think the hardest I ever laughed was Ricky Velez opening for Pete Davidson. Dude.

When Pete was, like, on top, and he was just like, these are my friends. It was Jordan Rock and Chris Rock's brother and Ricky. And and i was like these are the funniest guys i've ever seen now maybe that was because like i hadn't watched a ton of stand-up yet and it wasn't this proliferation of youtube specials and all that but i was like i don't know ricky velez is a stone cold killer i saw i love ari man i think ari is one of the last guys who just fucking says it. So I almost want to pick those three and Chappelle. You're almost just picking four MVPs. But I almost want to make this would be a good opener. This would be a good surprise.

This would be a good underrated. You know what I mean? If you're almost categorizing each of them because you could make – if you had to put each of them kind of in a category, you could make a much more diverse one that still is fucking – Yeah, I was thinking about that. If you wanted to have a female, if you wanted to put each of them in a category, you could make a much more diverse one that still is fucking... Yeah, I was thinking about that. If you wanted to have a female, if you wanted to have a... As we're talking, I think Rosebud would be my fourth.

Yeah. If you had an up-and-comer, a classic, there's... Even like, I will tell you this, we're discussing the all-time greats but dane cook at his peak man i laughed i laughed harder than maybe i ever laughed in my life when he came to uh fordham like in his prime because at that point that type of comedy you look back on it and i'm like i can't believe i even laughed at this like at all it was just him going like screaming into the camera but in that moment itchy asshole and stuff was like oh my god you know so you almost like you your taste evolves but if you're talking about there's so many different comics who would be like like james a casters yeah that's a great one like repertoire on the conversation like that is still i think

the best like ever you know special it's almost like, it's like a, it's almost like a, like a one man show where like it's, it's not just, I'm sure it is, we don't, we don't get the technical aspect of it. Yeah. But like there's so much interwoven

throughout it. Yeah, you don't even call that like a stand up routine. It's almost like a one man show. Like a play. Like it's crazy. Yeah. Um, I think that is like,

it's, it's very unique, but like, I'm just talking about the, like four people who make me laugh. Like, like if I'm scrolling Instagram and I see a reel of one of those four, I stop every time.

Totally. I mean, like Mulaney we didn't even mention. You don't mention Segura. There's fucking Hall of Famers that are right there. But yeah, I mean, Soder's always been my guy, so I feel like that's the one that I like. Non-negotiable if I had to pick one. And I do think Killing Them Softly and...

What was the other one? What was the other early Dave Chappelle one? I don't know. But those two to me were like almost what got me into... I never know special names. You know what's funny? I remember... I wonder if I can go back in it.

I remember my brother DMing me back like when the office first started, the Chernin office. And he was like, you should have the guys from Legion of Skanks on. And I think Tom, Ari, and Big J, I think we're like he was like you should you guys should go this route and i remember being like i don't really like know these guys but like okay good call bro for what it's worth that's the other one for what it's worth there isn't one called lunatics manifesto right i don't think so no that's what he's doing right now that was the intro for what i saw him the other night dude he, he has way more than I thought. Dude, it's crazy. This is what makes me feel like, I mean, if you told me that there's a special called The Bird Revelation.

Oh, yeah. Like Dave Chappelle. That's one of his first Netflix ones. I would not even remember. When two Netflixes came out at the same time when he first started. Oh, right. I think that's the one where he's just sitting in a club. Yeah, okay.

Okay, so that's a little bit different. Which was my favorite one of those. What was I going to say? Do you think we'll ever meet Chappelle? No. I don't think he'll do our show. Do you think we'll ever meet him? Probably not.

I think we got a shot at beating him at the same time. Not like him and us. It would just be like we're with Bert or something like that. And he's with Rogan and whatever. But you think we'll ever meet Rogan? Who do you think you have a better shot of, Rogan or Chappelle? Rogan. I'm happy to hear how confident John is.

Been a top 20 comedy podcast for 50 years. No chance we meet these comedians. Was your guy's White Whale? Was it... I mean... I mean, James Acaster kind of is a personal

White Whale. I think he doesn't like us. Really? Which is fair. Personally, us? I think he's like... Like Barstool. I don't think he's

interested in Barstool. Yeah. And I just say that with no knowledge other than just like who he is. Yeah. And I just think he'd probably be likestool. And I say that with no knowledge other than just who he is. And I just think he'd probably be like, nah, I'm all set with them. Which is fair. I get it. You said Larry David at one point.

Larry David would be great. Larry David would be great, but Larry David would come on. I think we have a chance with Larry David. I think Larry David is probably the highest of those three. Because he'd come on and we'd just talk about Rangers for like an hour. Yeah, Jets or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also at the same time could. Yeah, jets or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also at the same time

could be the most zero percent chance also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he would walk in and be like, oh my god, I'm getting out of here. You know?

But I don't know, man. There's people I've said that about before who surprise me, you know? So. You gotta manifest it, John. You gotta like. I'm not manifesting. The energy you put out

in the universe comes back to you. I neg things. So that way you downplay it, and then if it happens. Not interested. Please, please, please. Next up. Okay, KFC Radio, here's my top five.

All right. The Harbor Island story that John Feidelberg told about the Mannings One, been there, love that place Two, that was fucking hilarious Two The Asa Candle story That shit is, oh my god That was funny

The Fordham Mugging story, definitely number three Number four Fights Rock Bottom, that was a fantastic episode and also fifth hot dogs on the grill who wants spicy mustard this is kind of

exactly I love that banner and I love you guys so thank you for all your years of work and I hope you're doing well well thank you thank you

that's almost what I was just saying about making the comedy lineup is like you could pick specific things you you know. So like the hot dogs are on the grill. Who wants spicy mustard? Only a very small group of people know it. But to them it was – I mean in the moment it was very funny.

I was just like blacked out, drunk, fucking ranting about hot dogs. What is the Harbor Island Manning story? I think that's a combination of some. Harbor Island, I was there when I was in high school. My buddy had to go to the hospital. And it was like we had the hospital slash doctor's office, whatever you call it. It was closed. And he had the bloody rash.

No, no, no. That's when I had herpes. A brief stint with herpes for a few days, and I beat it. It was like my buddy, he reached in his luggage. We've been drinking all day. I don't think we've been to bed. And reached in his luggage and cut his hand on a face razor. And because we were so fucked up, it was gushing blood.

And we went to the doctor's office. It was closed, and we're knocking on the door. Someone comes out of the house. I'll go find the doctor. They come back. They just find a nurse, let us into the operating room, whatever you call it. Not operating room, just roomy waiting room.

And there was this bloody rag in the corner like on the sink and he just kept joking like um and you know it's not like a fucking movie it wasn't like dripping blood but just like a stained rag and he just kept your buddy kept joking yeah he kept joking like i'm gonna take that and shove it down you have to throw it and i was like don't fucking touch that don't play like that and then the nurse came in and just picked it up and like went to put on his hand he's like whoa whoa no no no no um the uh the manning story i'm thinking of two separate things one it could be the one when i was helping set up for um mardi gras and i was like so i just just gotten back to my friend's house at like 7 a.m and then his mom was already awake. And she was like, John Henry, I didn't know you were an early riser. And I didn't have the heart to tell her I had just gotten home.

And she was like, why don't you help me set up for Mardi Gras? And I was like, okay. She's like, don't worry. I'll give you beers. Hammer drunk. And I was just fucking shit-faced, like putting up these ladders and stuff. And then I just hear from across the street, good morning, Mary Kay. She's like, oh, hello, Archie.

And it was Archie Manning just sitting on the porch. Bro, you have so many stories that, like, you told this one before? Oh, yeah. I don't even remember that. It's fucking insane. That would be, like, someone's, like, best story ever. And it was, like, a forgotten tale of years. But the –

I'm going to sell a book, dude, like fucking Peterman and Kramer. I'm going to buy them from you and sell the book. $10,000. I would say, I mean, you can't do the top five without doing New Orleans story. That's got to be in there. I mean, I thank God every day that you have your stories, because I don't have stories like this. Like the top five, the top like 25 are all your stories, before you even touch like my best one.

I don't agree with that. So you got to go New Orleans. Not even because of the story, but it just kind of like set the whole, like my best one I don't agree with that so I you gotta go New Orleans not even because of the story but it just like kind of like set the whole honestly it just like

set the tone of like the show and who you are on the show that was one that was another one that was told in Milton and I remember telling it

in the reception of like I should not have told because it was like overwhelming like I think both you and Dan were like what the fuck I was like oh we're both you and Dan were like what the fuck I was like oh we're not doing what I thought we were doing

But I mean I never had any Intention for Caves to Radio to be one way or the other Like I just opened up the voicemail line We got fucking 40 straight calls About would you rather this Or who could win in a fight And that became the show And I never was like let's get Feidelberg in here to tell funny,

drunk frat boy stories or whatever. Or let's be brutally honest and whatever. It just happened. I was like, okay, let's go. I think that's the best part of KR3, that it's always been different. But I remember that. By different, I mean ever-changing. But I remember, if I'm pretty sure, we recorded that episode at night.

Or at least in the winter, maybe. Because I have a memory of driving home in the dark. Just being like, oh, no. It's over. Shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have mentioned that situation. But, like like other than like Just being like holy shit

Nothing like bad came of it No nothing came of it I think both your reactions were like Okay next call I think I I usually feel like I don't leave people out to dry like that I might have been like holy Fucking shit bro

But I don't think I would have been like I was like this kid's cold Obviously it's in my own head so like i remember it much worse and much more like for all i know you guys both were like that's crazy yeah but in my head it was like that did not land you're not in the room it's all over zoom or skype whatever so you're just all alone you just close the laptop and there's just like literal crickets outside you're just like all right i guess i'll go take the civil servants exam now uh i mean i'm not even gonna sit I'll go take the civil servants exam now.

I mean, I'm not even going to sit here and go through the other top fives, but if you want to, if you want to, you guys want to make your top five rest moments, KPC Radio and Sunday Marway, it would be a nice little,

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KFC fights. What's up? It's Taylor. A little late to this video voicemail format thing, percent off your order must be 20 or older purchase please use responsibly kfc fights what's up it's taylor a little late to this video voicemail format thing but um better late than never so my question is i've been listening for a long time you guys might have said this before but you guys are getting older you guys can't go out and get fucked up and drink all that stuff and do the regular college day stuff if you could relive one day back in the day those college moments like 21st birthday or if you can relive one of those glory days what day would it be and i want to hear that story i got a few you know my 21st birthday was insane and some of the days playing college baseball was a lot of fun but what is that

one day there was a hobo can say you can do it again lot of fun. But what is that one day? There was a Hoboken St. Patrick's Day. If you could do it again, would you do it and what is it? Magic. I think we drank for almost legitimately 24 hours. It was like 6 a.m. to – no, it was probably like 18 hours because we did go to bed at night. But it was like we woke up at 6.

We did a house party. We went to a bar. This was back before Hoboken cracked down. So it was like truly just became like lawless mardi gras type vibe and i just remember it was like i think we ended up we hung out with i might be mixing stories now but there was definitely a saint patrick's day where hung out with the boys then we hung out with some firefighters who just had like they would take off their hat and put it on a girl and they were like, girls are making out. The uniform was just like a free pass.

And then we did like a party at night. I think everybody like got a number or a girl or something that they were – and it was just like everything clicked. And that was the moment the next day we were like, why don't we just do this every weekend, man? Like why don't we just – like next weekend let's just wake up at 6 and do it again. And then we woke up being like, I can never do this again. I can never do it really once a year, once a year, once a year. That's it. That's it.

That's it. But that – and I used to have all my – like, my buddies from, like, first grade, we would get together. One lived in Connecticut. One lived back in Pennsylvania. I lived in New York. And we would all pick a spot. Like, one time it was my parents' house when we were still, like, coming home from college, and my parents were gone for the weekend, one time it was my apartment

in Hoboken, we always had these, like, weekends that was, like, everyone's getting together and going all out, and every single time, those were fucking magic, those, I don't know if it's because you, I don't know if it's when you get together with the right people it happens, or because you're there, they're all there, you make it... you think it's better than it is. I probably could have gone out with

you and a couple people to see every day and done the same thing and it would have been just as fun, but there was an element of we don't see each other a lot. I don't know, it's a chicken or the egg thing, but all of those were... we're so lame. We still talk about it to this day. And it's not – like none of us went to like a major school or anything. So like a lot of them are just like we hit the bars all day.

We were like in my pool. We – like a couple of classic jokes that came out of it. But there are probably people who went to like big-time frat schools who are like, we did that literally every weekday. What you're talking about was just a random Wednesday. So it's probably not as great of an actual story. But to us, we still talk about it to this day. I don't know. I don't have –

Oh, and also like beach houses. I don't know. I was thinking about you. A Newport story maybe. But like anytime we were in the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore, those were fucking unbelievable. Even those, I'm very much not a sentimental person. So I'm like, that's not to say. It's just gone.

It's just like, I love getting together with my friends and talking about quote unquote the old days. But like, if I could go back and relive one, I like to compartmentalize. I'm like, that's done. That happened. Leave it alone. Yeah. And I try not to try and recapture things. I think that's when it gets sad.

You also, yeah, you can't. You can recapture. Let's get the boys together again. But if it's like, all right, we're going to go to this same bar. We're going to the same game we're going to watch. We're going to do the same thing. I think of it almost like this show where I'm going to try and do something. I'm just going to do whatever makes sense right now.

Even the different phases we've done it. It was like if someone's leaving the show or something's changing, we're not going to hold on to that. We'll just do whatever the new one is. That'll work and figure it out. I almost think stories with your friends are almost like Will Ferrell movies where like the night actually wasn't that great.

It's the more fun he's talking about afterwards. We're like this is – I don't want to relive anything. I want to keep talking about this but I don't want to do it again. It's like the same thing as like bachelor parties. I think my favorite part of the bachelor party is maybe the email chain that comes out of it afterwards. The text chain of just like reliving the moments because you know like a will ferrell movie some of them are like you know obviously classic but overall it's like i don't know that was okay but that one moment where like you quote

ricky bobby or some shit it's like i don't think talladega nights is like amazing but you know there's a couple moments where you're like oh that was fucking hilarious. That to me is what those nights are about. It's like the unforgettable moments that are packaged around. We were day drinking. We were at the game or whatever. And like what is more fun to me now, like a great night or talking about great nights? Talking about great nights. If I could like – if we could – if I could like put on like a fucking virtual reality like mask or like download a fucking night into my head and then just talk about it the next day, I would do that.

I don't want to have to go through the fight. I don't want to go through the war of getting hungover and drinking and going out and flying somewhere or whatever. If I could just have the jokes pre-planned, pre-programmed into my head to joke about the next day, it would be awesome. If you were like, dude, you're going to go to the party of the year tonight or I would go because I'm just like it's almost like an investment in the future bro you are so good about that

you're so good about doing things for the story and doing things not only for the podcast but it's like for the experience you really do things for the experience and then you happen to have a podcast that you can benefit talking about it. But I think even if you didn't have the podcast, you would just do things because it's like I could sit at home tonight or I can go trek to Brooklyn to see this live performance and blah, blah, blah, where I would just be like, I'm going to eat a pint of ice cream. And you actually make yourself do it.

It's very admirable. It is. It's like – and I think it's just like, I don't know, like when I talk to my mom, we can talk about the weather again. Or I can be like, here, I went to fucking Minneapolis and played hockey or did this. Like, I don't know. It's more, it's almost like doing like, it's just, like I said, like it's investing in the future.

It's like, right now I have the stories from five years ago we talked about but you gotta still keep bro i was maybe making memories as much as people always like call me like couch clancy and all that shit there was a time if anybody called me up texted me go to the bar go to rat bones go to a fucking club like let's go create like whatever i was in 100 of the time and if you ask me then like do you think you'll be one of the guys who's like I'm tired or I'm too hung over or whatever I don't want to do it I would have been like no way all I'm going to do is forever so you really don't know where it's going to go so

if you're in that mode like capitalize do it as many times as you can because it will go away it can go away and you might not realize it you know certain ones of my friends I'm like oh yeah he was always a little more mild-mannered. I was not, and now am.

So I think you never know when that can sneak up on you. So say yes as much as you possibly can before it's hard to say yes. And then you should say yes when it's hard to say yes, but you should still do it. But at least when it's not hard, you can. 99% of the things I say yes to now, I do not want to do. And you do it, man. It's like, I mean, there are things I would never in a million I say yes to now, I do not want to do. But you do it, man. It's just like, I mean, there are things. But I always.

I would never in a million years say yes to. I always end up happy I did it, even if it doesn't go wrong. I'm like, yeah, it's something to talk about. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the podcast, but that's also life. You can just be the guy who's like, I just go to work and I have my kids or whatever. Or you can be the guy who's like, so I was fucking catfishing in the bayou the other day. You know, whatever the

fuck it is. So say yes. Get off the couch. Do as I say, not as I do. Lastly, and I wait to last to bring it up because it might be cut. Jackie with a hard launch. Oppenheimer

dropping the bomb! I mean, how much are we responsible for your happiness in life right now? Yeah, I feel like Michael Scott when he's like, Jim and Pam, it's like, he was just a salesman. She was

just a receptionist. I put them together. I think it's funny that the one time that you guys actually followed through on a punishment or whatever, it didn't even end up being a punishment. It completely backfired. Yeah, for real. Her quote-unquote punishment is now the love story.

Everlasting love. That's a heater. You did it in very Jackie style. What? Actually, I wish I screenshotted it because it was so perfect. Maybe we can look at it now. No, because it was how it showed up on my feed. The first picture was very professional Dana Beers proposing.

And then the picture below that was blurry. And just hard launch. She made sure to get her giant paws in there. I didn't realize it until after. I was like, oh my god, all the comments are going to be on the podcast. I didn't even notice it. It looks like the picture of the woman with her hand next to a bear. You ever see that picture where it's like, holding up this big

bear claw, and this woman's like, this is what a black bear would do to you. Jackie with an all-time quote when she came in and we asked her about it. She goes, I didn't lose as many followers as I thought I would. How many did you lose? I think like – Well, then she would then explain like you wouldn't get this talking to me when you have tens of thousands of followers.

You can't tell how many you lose. followers you can't tell how many you just can't see how many you lose and I don't blame you for not understanding that but like that's that's you know

so I don't know I think it was because I've been fighting for fucking like I've been going back and forth a hundred loss one time I just posted a hot picture of myself

a hundred what? like I right now I'm at 59.4. No, 59.5. I think you're saying 100,000. I was like, God damn, bro. What the fuck? You talk more.

I can't even get to 50K. I can't even get to 50K. You just said 59, I thought. Yeah. 49. 49.5. Got it. So you want for the...

Everybody go follow Jackie so she gets to 50K. That's a given I think it's pretty weird when dudes unfollow That's so weird to me Like now Now I'm unattainable Bro I almost have 50,000 followers I was unattainable this whole time

Like that It's either that or it's like Oh she's not going to be posting slutty pictures anymore That's the only thing I can think of And that's also weird too It's either that or it's like, oh, she's not going to be posting slutty pictures anymore. Oh, is that what it is? But that's the only thing I can think of. And that's also weird, too, for someone who doesn't post a lot of slutty pictures in general. But also to be like, ugh, I've gotten my fill. I've used this woman up.

You know what I mean? It's just like very – does it go the other way? Do girls – girls would never unfollow a guy for getting a girlfriend, right? No, no, no, no, not at all. That's a weird thing. I'd like to know the psychology of a guy who would unfollow. Yeah.

Please, please anonymously call in or write in or something. Why did you unfollow Jackie because she announced she had a boyfriend? Well, you know, we are... Where is that? We get credit for this. Oh, it's in my apartment.

I was just curious. You guys getting kinky with it? We get credit. I noticed it had gone missing. I'm not asking for it to come back. I think the helmet has officially been retired. Leave the helmet on, babe. Leave the helmet on.

But I was just curious whereabouts it was. No, that has to be. That's a one and done now. We were going to be like, if anybody else fucks up, they have to do the helmet. We can't do that anymore. You found love in a hopeless place. KC Radio found you love. Yeah, shout out.

So we'll give the speeches at the wedding. All right, see you guys Thursday. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.