KFC Radio - We Debate if We Could Do "The Year Without" For $25 Million Ft. Che Durena

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:30 John ruptured his eardrum 13:04 Should we have done a 2023 recap? 17:45 Would you rather date someone out of your league or below your league? 42:06 Would you do The Year Without? 01:05:54 Gift that represents the year 01:12:16 p***n stars cooking is better than p*** 01:18:46 Video Voicemails +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hello Fresh: Go to https://HelloFresh.com/kfcfree and use code kfcfree for FREE breakfast for life! One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. Fitbod: Get 25% off your subscription or try the app FREE at https://Fitbod.me/KFC.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This is a lot of money being thrown around here to have all of the logistics of this, but that is maybe the coolest hypothetical we've ever come across. We've got to just put that into ATI as just a boiled-down question. You've got to buy the rights to this early. Yeah, God. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

Two of my biggest pet peeves are I always clip my fingernails and I always clean my ears. And forever, whoever, whoever, uh, whoever is Q-Tip's number one enemy has been out there spreading propaganda that Q-Tips are bad for you. And that you can injure yourself and puncture your eardrum i'm like what kind of fucking idiot can't just clean their ear with a q-tip and not puncture their eardrum and my esteemed colleague john fidelberg walks in today and says i think i popped my eardrum i can't hear out of my right at all i you really like it's like is it like i keep doing like this and it's not working. Is that what it feels like? Your ear needs to pop and it won't.

So you can... It's not like death, right? No, no, no. But it's like... And I'm trying to stretch it out. I don't know if that's a thing. And because you jammed a Q-tip just into your brain. Yeah, I got a call.

I was taking a shower this morning. My phone your brain. Yeah, I got a call. I was taking a shower this morning. My phone was ringing, and I jumped out of the shower because I've been expecting a call from Dave. And so I jumped out. He has not returned any of my text or calls for two days. It was him. He told me he's going to call me. So I was like, I'm just on guard at all times.

Dude, I was like sitting at home last night. I got home at like 7 o'clock or something like that. Just like, I was like, wouldn't hate smoking some weed right now. And I was like, I can't smoke weed. Dave might call. The fucker sat there until 10 p.m. Texted him. I was like, hey, just so you know.

I texted him. I was like, hey, I'm not supposed to call you, right? I was like, all good if you're busy. Just making sure you're not expecting my call. Like Dave was sitting around waiting for my call. And your response? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like – I think he just said like, sorry, it's late.

Let's catch up tomorrow. That's fucking – we are so pathetic. It will never change. Once the dynamic like that is established for as long, as many years as it has been, we're fucked. But so I get out and I like i like rushed out and i started and i saw the phone i was like with my dad i'm like god damn it and so i just put on speakerphone you know he's talking about some bullshit you know some shit you've heard a thousand times before i just put on speakerphone and like kept getting dressed kept getting like ready and stuff like that and

i was like i like looking to kill time because i didn't want to start getting dressed yet but i'd done everything i need to do with my naked body and like and i like yo that's a fucking weird way to put it i've completed my naked body tasks i was dry i put on face wash face fucking moisturizer i don't have a very long process the phone call went on more than 30 seconds i was about out uh and i was i was kind of fumbling around the closet looking for stuff to do. I was like, I got some Q-tip. Right away, I just went, like, silent. And the thing that really sucks is that I, all week, my mom had a bad ear infection.

She popped an eardrum. She couldn't hear. And I was so frustrated with her. Like, because she couldn't hear you? Because she couldn't hear. And I was so frustrated with her. Like she couldn't hear you? Because she couldn't hear me. What? Huh? Huh? And she was the one starting conversations. So I was like, dude, we can just sit here in silence.

I don't care. We don't need to talk. And she's going, you know, it's kind of rude to get mad at somebody when they have a disability. I was like, well, you have one foot and you're asking us to play soccer and you're fucking up every time I pass you the ball That's a fair point Let's just not play

Let's just not play soccer mom Let's listen to music To the point where she Went to the play with me We went to go see I Need That Danny DeVito And she had to get

Headphones For really old people We were in the very front row Danny DeVito, and she had to get headphones. Like, you know how they have for really old people? Yeah. She had to get headphones. We were in the very front row. I was like, Danny DeVito was, like, sitting at your lap, bro. She had to get the headphones. They had to return them afterwards.

Just a line of the oldest people you've ever seen in your life. By the way, that's a gross thought, that they're all just fucking old people just sharing those headphones. I gotta think they're cooking. Do you trust that they do a just fucking old people just sharing those headphones. I gotta think they fucking. You trust that they do a good enough job doing that? I think so. I think there's probably ear wax and ear cheese all up in there. This fucking thing. So you were just talking and you just went, and you just jammed it right in.

Do you not Q-tip your ears regularly? Not regularly, no. Do you have a lot of wax in your ears? I was very worried about it the day we did a lowering the bar, and I think Vib's like, you have the cleanest ears here. You're just one of those, you know, that doesn't surprise me. Your body

is, it's always been, it doesn't sweat, you don't grow hair, you don't have wax. He was like, you got nothing in here. If I hadn't seen your balls before, I would just say you have a pussy. Vib saw from one, he just right through. There's nothing in here. The cleanest fucking ears and skull.

You don't realize about those things and this is because, again, it's my OCD freak thing. When you see those videos that Vibs do, does, did, it looks like you're pulling out a mountain of wax. It's zoomed in

like 32 times. You zoom out, it's like a a mountain of wax it's zoomed in like 32 yeah yeah you zoom out it's like you know it's a little bit of wax people see those things and it's like you're fucking disgusting but uh but here i am all these years thinking that it was just anti-q-tip propaganda people walking around with waxy dirty ears because they're no, Q-tips are bad for you. And here Fidelberg is proving the fucking... proving it out. So, now here's a dumb question I'm going to ask. What are you going to do about it, John?

Nothing. Honestly, I'm going to go shoot guns. I was going to say... Actually, if there's ever a time to do it... You need headphones. No, I'm good. Trust me, brother. I don't. I'm good. I put a hole in my head like a fucking gangster. I actually... That would be like a good series of content. We almost need, we need like a quack doctor.

We need a doctor who has been like disbarred, whatever that's called, for like, you know, he did some like shady, he did like a BBL and he shouldn't have or something like that. So like someone who's smart and knows, knows medicine, but is not, is no longer allowed to practice. And he can just like be here on call kind of, and just like do things like this. Like when you fuck up your body, we have a doctor like diagnosed and tell you how bad it is.

Let's go to Philly and get one. There's plenty of guys writing scripts, right? Yeah. Right. Like there's probably a million pill farms in Philly where the doctors got fucking... I can't run my practice anymore. I feel like half of Philadelphia is medical doctors.

Just none are allowed to practice anymore. But he could look and be like, oh yeah, you have a hernia. You have a torn this. You have a ruptured eardrum you have you know your your your liver's shutting down like that's a good idea right and then down and out doctor people would be people would love to also just like see how fucking bad it is yeah like like like when you see like the injury chart for ben roethlisberger

on espn we'll do that for you. You just stand there like this, and it's just all the lines pointing to all the different fucking problems you have. And we have it medically diagnosed, and you can be truly, like officially, we can call you the most unhealthy man. It would be a great, I'll do it too. Who's officially the most unhealthy? We say this, but you're not unhealthy, you're broken.

You're very healthy. Strong, an ox. But you're a broken ox yeah you have things you have things that are broken inside of a i guess so i think you're kind of like a you know when they say like a you know a ferrari with like a shitty engine in it is that kind of what you are like when they say like i guess yeah that i guess that would probably make sense. Like your body is good but like some of the organs and the internal things are not good. Yeah. I'd say – I would say more like a – maybe like a 92 Mercedes. I think you're like a G-Wagon. That's what you are.

Yeah? Like I think if somebody – this is crazy. I think John could take a bullet. You'll find out. I really think that John could get shot as long as it's not like his head or like directly to a major organ. Like if John got shot in the leg. I don't think I'd notice. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm kind of not kidding. I don't think i don't think i noticed right away which i think is to be fair i think that's pretty standard operating procedure okay so whenever like okay whenever regular people would notice after the adrenaline and shock wears off i think here's what would happen let's say i don't know crazy thought you're somewhere in america and there's a mass shooting. Let's role play here if you can use your imagination. You're somewhere in the Midwest in a mall.

Like after the guy is fucking taken out and everything calms down sort of, I think it would be like, Pat, you good, Jack? The team's live. Everybody's good? Okay. Oh, my God. We're live.

And I'd be like, John, you've been shot. You'd be like, yeah, we're good. Okay, we're good. And I'd be like, there's you've been shot. You'd be like, yeah, we're good. Okay, we're good. And I'd be like, there's a bullet in you. You're bleeding. And you'd be like, oh, I got shot. I think that would happen.

I'm really not even kidding. I don't think you're exaggerating either, but I also think that's pretty common. Oh, brother, if I get shot, you know it. You're going to know it. You're going to know it you're gonna know it you're gonna know it dude what's that movie where like they they peel it back and it's like just that's me bro I would have like a little little

skinning of my knee I'd be like I've been shot you I think could have you'd be one of those guys you ever see I saw like a clip of it on TikTok the other day. I don't even know what it was. It was like a dermatology thing, and they just pulled a bullet out of him. That would be you, like 25 years.

Like, what is this thing in my neck? Oh, it's a bullet from the Revolutionary War. That's – yeah. Well, like I wouldn't – that's what we would need the doctor from Philly around for because I'd be like, we'll just stitch it up. We got to get the bullet out. I'm like, why? What does it matter? Oh, my God. I don't understand why you need to get there's a chance there's a chance that we could like do that like right now

there's probably foreign objects in your body i can just see the doctor dropping them that yeah i think uh That, yeah, I think, uh, I like, I think of your, your body as like rhinoceros skin. Like rhino, like thick like that. Like the skin itself? Yeah, like I know, like you have muscle and bones and all that shit, but like I feel like you, you know, couldn't, like if I tried to stab you, I don't think I could get a knife into it. I feel like it's like made of like tried to stab you, I don't think I could get a knife into it. I feel like it's made of elephant skin. You get a knife into it. I've had people try before.

You haven't been stabbed yet. I haven't been stabbed. You haven't been punctured. That's what I mean. Has the knife ever hit your skin? No. The thing is driving me insane. That's because.

I want to be clear about something. I could for sure be stabbed. If you stab me, I'm going to get stabbed. Okay. I feel like this is going to turn into one of those rigs. Yeah, I'm going to hit you with a car. If anybody stabs Vital, we're going to give them $1,000. If you stab me, I'm going to die.

How about... Okay. How about this? If I slash you... I'm not puncturing. If I slash me, I'm going to die. How about this? If I slash you, I'm not puncturing. If I slash you, I think you'd be all right. I think I'd be as okay as anyone can be after they get slapped. I feel like I don't know where we're at right now. Kevin's like, I want to just mutilate you.

No, I just think you're... I got a regular regular body no you don't that's my point no you don't no you don't you do not you do not i don't think you do i i think uh there's something i think you're you're different i i think if like if if uh x-men was like a real thing i think you'd be like a mutant i I think if we, that's why we need the doctor. I think we need the doctor. I think if the doctor went inside and looked,

and they'd be like, they'd be like, look at your DNA and shit, and they'd be like, he's one of them. He's one of them. He's got extra chromosomes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like, you're not retarded. You're, you know. They let this guy drive? So John's got a ruptured eardrum. Yeah. We're back for the new year. I was thinking about, like, I can't tell, and I need to make sure. I got to have a conversation with the KC Radio audience if my microphone stops just running away from just running away from me the whole episode, I'm just going to be doing this the whole fucking time.

I'm going to be doing this because this seems to open up my ear canal. Okay. Keep your head that way. You can lay down if you want. I was thinking like, you know, we've been in the game so long that like, you know, every podcast does like the best of. And then they recap the year and then they do their resolutions. that like, you know, every podcast does like the best of, and then they recap the year, and then they do their resolutions, and it's just like, I don't know, we don't fucking do that anymore, you know?

But I also need to make sure that the chicken heads are still riding with us and still know that, you know, we care. We're just like, we're beyond that, you know what I mean? Like I think the chicken heads as listeners are beyond that too, you know? Like like the kc radio diehards like we don't need to do all that shit we've been here forever we're veterans i would agree with that i just hope everybody knows that you know what i mean yeah it's not a lack of effort it's like that's for the new kids that's what do you mean like just do like like listening to resolutions doing the resolutions doing the best uh what were your best moments of the year? Everybody goes around. Like, we recap.

We did a KFC radio and all those things. It's just like, ah. Yeah. I didn't even consider doing that. And, I mean, if you follow other podcasts, they all do that, you know? Because it's, like, a thing that you do, and it's kind of easy. I think it's, like, cheap. You know, fill the holidays or whatever.

It's kind of just like. No one listens. I mean, we've done best ofs. No one listens. No, that's what I'm saying. It's kind of just like... No one listens. I mean, we've done best ofs. No one listens. No, that's what I'm saying. It's like, so just know. But sometimes I worry that it's like, you know, you've been around so long and it's like you've got to make sure.

Like when those arguments, those just classic answer the internet arguments pop off, if our answer every time is like we've already done that, you know what I mean? That's not very good. I don't know what you mean right now. Inevitably, we've seen the white versus black football thing, gorillas versus snakes in a mall. We've done all those questions. And a lot of times I'm inclined to be like, we've already done that, but we should do it because the audience likes it and there's new listeners and it's going

viral and yeah you know what i mean but because we've been around for so long i'm sometimes inclined to be like go listen to that episode or my audience already heard that or whatever and it's like but if you do that all of a sudden you don't you're not doing a podcast anymore you know what i mean yes so i just think we have to remember that or i'm just talking to the fans now being like like as long as we're all on the same page. You know what I mean? We're in the same chapter. Do you guys get what I'm saying?

He's struggling with this. I get you. I understand what you're saying, that you guys have been in the game long enough. Also, what I was thinking is, do your opinions change from five years ago? Yeah, yeah. Because I feel like five years, maybe because I'm younger, but everything I thought five years ago totally different yes but maybe you guys yeah some of them are so ridiculous that it's like yeah maybe i thought a snake would kill me and now i think a gorilla would kill me real issues i've almost exclusively changed my opinion maybe that's what we should do is almost

like a like a callback or whatever we want to call it. But I just want it to be known that it's like we – I just want everyone to still be loyal to the show and know that we care about the show. We do it. And even if we don't do some of the things that all the new podcasts do or every other show does or whatever because we've been here so long, that it's not out of a lack of trying or caring. It's just like we know that nobody listens to Best Ofs.

We know that those things don't work. We don't need to do those. Can I ask where all this is coming from? Did something happen? Yeah. I mean, I just want to make sure. I was looking around being like, oh, we didn't do any of that stuff this year. And I'm seeing everybody's show doing it.

I don't know. I think it was crazy this year. Like last year, the past three years. It's never been like that. Okay, yeah. I mean, every show. We still can do one if we want. No.

I don't want to do it. I would love a world where, and I hope that KFC Radio listeners don't care about that stuff. But I mean, every podcast I listened to was doing that. Like a best of. Videos and countdowns. And, like, the last podcast they talked about. We probably should have had, like, a clip. But, I don't know.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed your vacation. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean. At this point, this show is just real life. It's like, I don't know. We're just here. We're talking. We're on vacation. We're back.

Let's go. John's got a ruptured eardrum hit the ground running let's keep 2024 like 2023 was broken and stupid that's that's how we do things around here jackie did though i love what jackie's been doing jackie's been sending uh good um good content for us to go through which is what I've always loved. Everybody just sending articles and videos and emails and questions

so we can run through those. What do you got today? Do you have some things? I got a few things. Okay. What do you want to do first? Do we have an interview? Yeah. Che Durena. Che Durena is today. Do we still have his jacket here? Do we have an interview? Yeah. Shade Arena. Shade Arena is today. Do we still have his jacket here? Shade Arena came through and left like a pretty nice leather jacket. It looks like

a vintage leather coat if I had to guess. I don't know if we ever... I don't think he ever even inquired. But I also don't know if we ever even contacted him and said like, hey, we got your jacket. No, but that's... That's probably on him though, right? I think that's on the lever of the jacket. But he might just be.

Look, to be fair, we probably should have said something seeing as we were like, that shade of red is Jack. Yeah, as I'm saying it all out loud, it's a 50-50. That guy's probably like, fuck, did I leave it at the bar, at the restaurant, at this place, at that place? And we probably should have been on his list and we should have checked, but he never did. But we definitively know we have his jacket and we have not tried yeah well i haven't seen it in a while i gave it to jordan so it's in jordan's hands oh okay so he probably got it back she probably took care of it as long as it's off our hands yeah um so we got jade arena we got uh

we'll we'll get into john's john's thoughts but we'll run through Jackie's list. Yeah. Okay. Give it to us, Jack. No, no, I got them. No, no, no. Oh. Okay. Good question.

Would you rather date someone out of your league or below your league? Out of my league. You think? Like, so every guy answers that i would i would rather date someone like two below my league than someone above my league yeah well i i mean always answer below girls are that's i understand you you're like i'd rather date like a kind of ugly yeah like bum it's not worth like the. The what? Like the happiness and the money and the sex with a good looking person.

No, like it would absolutely tear me apart every single day. Jesus Christ. And it's not worth it. That they're better than you? Yeah. See, I'm the opposite where it would tear me apart that I'm better than you. I'd be like, how the fuck are you worse than me? I can understand the...

You gotta define what is out of your league mean. Like, if you're dating someone who is, like, ultra wealthy and runs in circles and goes to events that, like, you don't even know how to behave. You don't know the food. You don't know what they're talking about. You don't have clothes to dress. You can't enjoy yourself.

If you're talking about someone who's, like, so good looking that every time you go out, the world is like, oh, my God, he's dating her or she's dating him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that kind of stuff I can absolutely see weighs on you. And you probably – what's best? Best relationships, I think, are, like, people in that, you know, in that – in the same tax bracket, if you will. Whether it's literally with money or also, like, figuratively speaking, with looks and personality and behavior and all that sort of shit. But if I'm pressed to pick one,

I'm going to roll the dice with, like, the person who's awesome. Rather than just being like, I'm carrying this slob with me. I think you got some... I'll be honest, if all you girls are answering that you'd rather date someone being like, I'm carrying this slob with me. I think you got some – I'll be honest. If all you girls are answering that you'd rather date someone below you, I think you all are fucked up. Well, I think it's kind of one of those things where like in a – and I'm just going off what I hear here. I feel like women often don't feel like they're in power.

Like when you're like – I don't mean in the workplace or anything like that i mean just like in day-to-day life you're like i'm i'm vulnerable right now like someone could attack me someone like i'm not in complete control of my like i'm an open hole and like yeah jesus i'm just saying like that's like i feel like why women are No, but I didn't hear what you said. She said, I'm an open hole. No, that's, like, a. I did hear you. I thought it was on account of the eardrum, but no.

That's a graphic way to put it, but, like, when you walk around, you're kind of, like, damn, like, I'm just an open hole right now. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I definitely don't. I was going to say. That's more on, like, being attacked was gonna say i i that's more on like being attacked yeah yeah that's where i'm being attacked we're talking about the rape right so i mean by that's what i mean when i'm saying that like you know that's a good way to put it and so you would think i would like control i'd like to be in power yeah if i had my druthers

i'd like to be the one who's got the fucking one up the leg up on everybody you know the hand in the relationship yes and as people who in again in your stereotypical sense i don't know though but still like for me i i know that that's probably the general world my entire family and entire existence is very matriarch like the women run the show in my family almost exclusively yeah i think that may be an irish thing i don't know if that's a that's a thing but like so for to me to me when i hear about like you know it's like whatever the women say the the men are like okay so i i'm like my existence is very much the opposite where chicks are the ones in control yeah and i'm talking about like publicly yes in in my home yeah but i'm saying

you know even like my mom runs around like picking fights with the grocery store like that she she doesn't give a fuck she i don't think she's a hole she's filling the hole i also like hate to say this but i've saw something that i kind of think is true and it's like the healthiest healthiest relationships are when the guy loves the girl more than the girl loves the guy like a little bit more than the girl loves the guy i know that was so it's so fucked it's so fucked up do you know it is so fucked up i don't know that's just so fucked up it is but it's that's just how it goes for guys it's just like yeah you don't get to be loved no no i would i would say because it's the opposite i think 90 percent of relationships

the girl loves the guy more i go back actually no i i don't think i go back i think there's also a difference between like i'm going off my own relationship. I think there's a difference between – I'm taking what's happening inside my own head and projecting it as a complete worldview. This is where we go projected, folks. I think there's a – again, all these conversations are always very broad, stereotypical, and generalizing. But I think women want relationships and want a husband and want a man. And so they – but that's not like low.

Wait. So you actually – I'm thinking about it now more. You think or you know most relationships are the guy likes the girl more? Well, okay. There's a lot where – I wouldn't say that. I think I'm kind of right. Not 90%, obviously, but I think –

I think there definitely can be in our successful relationships where the girl loves the guy more or like it's – But I kind of feel like i've noticed well but they well now we're on the same page here because most relationships are not successful yeah that's yeah so therefore most relationships the girl likes the guy and i feel like in a lot of but i feel like a lot of healthy relationships i've seen the guy loves the girl a little bit more well but most relationships well I'm going on all relationships, not just healthy. All my friends are in

really... Almost all my friends are in really, really good marriages, and I absolutely think they're all 50-50. I'm running through it in my head, and I can't tell you which one I think loves the other one more. Oh, I can tell you.

My friend is all the guys that go more. I also think that a lot of times it starts out like the guy. This is. Again, I don't know. This is awesome. This is true. I know what you're about to say. I totally agree with this.

Yeah. So is it the 100% 0% thing? Well, go ahead. Okay. The guy, like, I think, like like the giggly squad girls said this where it's like a lot of guys started out the the hannah burner and oh i still have to tell you just called your friends no no my god no i don't mean the giggly squad me and the giggly girls no um where it's like okay so god like guys like a girl from zero to 100.

Like, the girl has to prove themselves. Where a girl likes a guy from 100. I'm not explaining this well. I think that it starts out that guys chase girls. Yeah. And they, like, like them and want to fuck them and are, like, enamored with them and all that shit. And then, like, the relationship them and all that shit and then uh then like the relationship starts and the girls kind of like like the like once the relationship is kind of

established the guy is the power i kind of feel like and then it and then it flip i was gonna say the opposite no because then i think it flip-flops around yeah where the guy is the power and then the girl all of a sudden is like romanticizes them. All of a sudden the relationship is like, oh my god, he's amazing. We're going to get married. We're going to blah, blah, blah. And then you start to see like, okay, well, he doesn't do this and he doesn't do this. Well, that's – I think a lot of people, both sides, put on a show and then when you like live together and you start to be

your real self and you get messy and lazy and all that shit it's like oh wait a minute you know that's i think that goes for both sides yeah i i don't put on a show i'm pretty yeah you're great about it you i'm pretty good uh and this isn't like a new show. I don't think it's necessarily a show. It's like I'm different. When I first meet somebody, I'm different to them, whether it's a sexual thing or a friendship thing, a professional thing. Once you become comfortable with someone, you are a little bit different than when you first met them. And then once you live with – it's like I could be – when I'm dating someone and I come to your apartment,

I act a certain way. I'll clean up. I do everything. And if I'm in my space, it's like, yeah, man, when I walk through the door, I drop my jacket on the fucking floor. You know what I mean? I always stay – I'll always clean up when someone is coming over. But that doesn't matter what sex you are. But the – I'm pretty good at just like – I can – it's actually like sometimes I get annoyed in therapy where I'm like, I fucking don't.

I feel like a lot of people go to therapy to figure out why they do the things they do. I'm like, I know why I do it. I'm pretty good at saying even kill because I know how volatile. So I'm just like, whoop, don't go that hard. Whoop, don't go that hard. Whoop, don't go that hard. There's some ups and downs, but you never go crazy. I'm at very best like that which

again i i wish i was different i don't like being this way but at very best is like an occasional heartbeat my my uh there's an occasional heart brain function is like the very last heartbeats of someone who's the plug has been pulled and we're just waiting that's like the occasional there's enough of a pause where you go is it gonna beep again oh okay damn he's still going huh um but the that yeah like when like a relationship starts i i think that's when i like i will typically i guess i guess i would get the power i think that's what you're saying, Jackie? Yeah.

Because I'm just good at chicken where I'm just like I'm not going to – I'm not going to blink. I don't want to do that. You're incredible at it. There's nobody better than you and there's nobody worse at it than me where like – that's where – that's why I got myself in trouble where it was like I was just constantly capitulating and doing and happy wife, happy life and eventually you don't want to do that anymore. But you have like eight years, ten years, twelve years, five years, two years of that happening

where all of a sudden it's like, well, that's – I don't know. That's what – she expects that or that's what the relationship is and that's why it's almost too late once that's happened. But I think I'm flip-flopping back and forth all over because I think at this point in my life, I've at least seen it always. So I don't know if this is one where you can really call it because I think I've seen where women are obsessed with men because they want a husband. I've seen men obsessed with women because they want to fuck them. I've seen people want to get married because they want money. I've seen people want to get married because they want love.

I've seen each sex do each way. And then I've seen times where it started out she was in power and then like he lost interest and she didn't have power and vice versa i think it all does kind of come out in the wash i'm sure it skews one way or another a little bit but i think a lot of these things do end up being you can pick examples of men and women i also want to preface i'm like completely biased because i feel like uh whenever i've been more into the guy it's been like just because i also think that girls can overthink more and so so it's like that's kind of why a girl like it's hell for a girl to get get with a guy who's out of her league because whereas this is so crazy because girls will sit around being like, six feet, six inches, six figures,

and then you get all that, and you're like, he's too good for me. What the fuck is it? Which is it? I mean, I'm probably biased. I don't know. But also, if someone like you is freaking out about guys,

like, I don't know, Jack, there's not many guys out of your league. Oh my god, that's so sweet at least that you're running in circles with well actually i was like if you're out at a bar you're on the dating apps you're in a regular life you are going to be the the person higher if he's like but like if he's like a socialite like money wise like everything it's just like I you gotta like

grow up in that scene. You gotta like be You're talking about Jacob Elordi and so on. Exactly. 10 out of 10 by the way. 10 out of 10.

We can all talk about that now though. We're in agreement that the the fingering scene got everybody going. The bathtub scene did not. Oh, no.

Okay. No. Right? That was like trying to be edgy and it wasn't. I hated that scene. I thought that was so stupid. I didn't hate it. It didn't get me horny by any means.

That's one of those things, the fingering one. That's just unlocked something I wasn't interested in unlocking. I was waiting to see what it was. I was hoping, because I heard about the bathtub scene. I was like, I hope we're not talking about the bathtub scene. I thought, to me, there's the three scenes. There's the bathtub scene, the grave scene, and the

fingering scene. I hate the bathtub and the grave scene. The grave scene, I love. I think the grave scene is so stupid. It's so ridiculous. I was laughing out loud in the theater. Well, yeah. Like, from an entertainment point of view, I was like, holy shit, you're going to fuck the grave. But I don't know. For the way that movie ended, I thought that scene actually doesn't make that much sense.

But whatever, we're getting there. Oh, it doesn't really make sense, but it's just like, this is fucking wild. This is dope. But the fingering scene is a scene where I look at that and I'm like, yeah, wow, that got me going. And I'm like, boy, I wish I had the courage to do that one day. But I don't think I do. I saw that. I don't think I'm going to.

I also think that is one thing that I think we – that is something I want to watch, I think. I think if you were to actually do that and you feel that and smell that and all that, that is good in theory. And I really, genuinely tip my cap to the people who can do that and do do that because I do know – girl, you know, would love that and they want it and it's if everyone could just agree that it's okay, I think it would be, you know, everyone would love it, but I don't know. If I was like, okay, I'm going to do it, as soon as I got in there, I'd be like, I don't want to do this.

Sorry, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it. I've not seen this movie yet, so I'm spoiling it. I mean, it's just this chick getting blasted while she's on her period. And then I think he rubs it in her face and her mouth. They're licking it. But, Jackie, it's in like a misty courtyard. Yeah, it's quite the cinematography.

It's fucking – I think everyone I've spoken to was like – I feel like I almost wanted to announce the whole theater. We're all horned up, right? We all wish we kept this door whole theater We're all horned up right? We all wish we kept this door closed We're all looking God damn We've all been red pilled now Son of a bitch

Everyone's life is like BC and AD Before you saw the fingering with the period and after You know what it is? That is the definition of erotica However they shot that and filmed that like this is erotic dude but the something i was gonna ask uh before we got a little salt burn tangent by the way kind of like salt burn poor things no it's not kind of like it

in any sense other than like it's a little different poor things unbelievable what's that the new emma stone movie it's awesome awesome i'm gonna go see it again this weekend uh but has anyone here dated someone either out of or below their league like were you like you were like i know because i would say and it's something i'm learning about myself as i'm saying it. I would say I've never done either. But then, in kind of a paradox, I've dated... I've been very lucky to date really beautiful, smart, funny women.

And that would me never thinking I was dating someone out of my league would argue that I think highly of myself. Which is not true. That is a paradox. The fact that you can say that inherently means deep down you actually think highly of yourself.

I guess it's one of those things where once you get to play, if the NHL called me up, I'd be like, I don't belong here, but I'm in the league. I say this a lot, though. If you make fun of something about yourself, deep down, you actually don't really think that about yourself. I think your true insecurities you don't bring up. No, I talk about my hands a lot, bro. All right, but your true, like, you know, your true – I promise you, dude, I got a real issue with my hands.

Yeah, those sausage fingers, bro. They're just all the same like height right they're all just that's different though your internal your internal uh internal insecurities i feel like if you joke about it to the world you are okay with it you know i i do think there is you know an issue there but i'm like i'm okay with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We joke around about having a small dick or never having sex or being this or being that. We joke about that because we know it's not really true. Maybe it's somewhat true, but we're doing okay in those departments, whatever it is we're making fun of. So in that regard, making fun of how much you hate yourself and being open about it,

I think you actually somewhere kind of like yourself. Well, no. No. But we just kind of proved it. You know that you date pretty girls, successful girls, intriguing girls, all that shit.

They don't do that with bums. Yeah, they do. We just learned it's literally what they choose it's like that's exactly what we know that that's exactly what they do it's what jackie chooses and again this is why jackie and feidelberg will forever be connected at the hip. I don't think – I don't – I mean, I think most girls – I think there's also a difference between, like, dating and – I mean, most girls are absolutely chasing guys who are rich and hot. So, right? Yeah, I could be completely in the minority. Now, settling into a relationship might be different.

Where it's like, I want a pudgy whatever regular guy that I can control the relationship and domineer him. Maybe that's a thing too. But girls are not running around New York City and dating apps looking for bums. Kind of.

No, I mean, girls are like, no, I will not look at you if you're not six feet. What they're chasing is someone out of their league and then maybe maybe it's what you said maybe most relationships are not successful because it's like okay you got like the hot tall guy who makes money and it turns out he's a fucking asshole and you got the hot girl who you know was dressing hot and wanted to fuck you and turned out she was like vapid and empty like whatever whatever you know however that ends up maybe that's why relationships don't work and people should just

find somebody who they like are compatible with but i think that there's a difference between but i think this is more of a like boom you're in a relationship all of a sudden with someone in or out of your league versus like it started out i was chasing you and then things flip-flopped because if i just say all of a sudden, boom, you're out, you are, this person is way above you, you're going to think, all right, that would kind of suck. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But when you're courting someone, you're not going to be like, wait a minute, maybe a day will come where I'll be uncomfortable on his yacht because I'm not good enough for him or whatever. You know what I mean? So I don't know. But maybe, yeah, maybe Jackie's theory is exactly what's happened to you every time. Some girl was like, I need a guy beneath me. She dated Fidelberg for a year.

Hello! Yo, you should go on Hinge and shit and make that your dating profile. That would be a great experiment. Maybe Tommy will do it. Be like, you are out of my league. Come date me. And I bet you we would see that shit lighten up. Like, you are out of my league.

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Eat fresh. All at HelloFresh.com slash KFCfree. Promo code KFCfree. Okay, Jackie's next question or next contribution, if you will, was another good one. I actually only saw the headline of this one so let's watch this literally have the most insane family in the entire world okay we literally have a tradition called the year without where the day after you get engaged you have to go no contact with your fiance for 365 days a full fucking year and i'm gonna have to do that probably in the next year

and i know you're probably thinking like girl don't do that but it makes a lot of sense so let me explain my great-grandfather was a very very very very very wealthy man he had eight children and his first daughter was named Amelia and she married this man after only dating him for about three months and he ended up stealing all of her money like my great-grandfather had given her about 25 million dollars in today's money and he just took all of it and then divorced her and so my great-grandfather was like okay we have to make sure that doesn't happen. So he set up the system where there are trust funds for all of his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, but in order to unlock them, you have to meet the criteria that he set up. And one of those criteria is the year without, where you have to spend 365 days

without your fiance to make sure that you have enough perspective on the world and perspective on that person to make sure you're really making the correct decision. So some people in my family have chosen to forego the year without if they just thought it was going to be too taxing on their relationship, but the amount of money on the line is life-changing. I don't want to go into the details, but it will change the course of your life. So my parents decided not to do the year without because they thought it was going to be too much of a burden, but they ended up not getting the money. Meanwhile, my mom's brother and sister did do the year without and they just are in a completely different tax bracket like my cousins had a completely different life growing up so when i was discussing with my current boyfriend like

are we gonna do this or not i'm just gonna pause for a second let's talk about a couple things these people know you can just lie right she goes on she goes on to like are we gonna do this or not we kind of realize like we can be completely financially independent and just pursue our dreams for the rest of our lives like quit our jobs that we hate like how could we say no to that substantial the gift i'm gonna answer all the faqs don't worry i've got you guys number one do people cheat on each other um some people do some people don't i mean it depends how you interpret the year without like if it's truly about considering all your options,

then some people would think you should date other people to make sure your original person is the right one. I don't believe in that at all. I'm definitely not going to be cheating on my fiancé. My boyfriend also says he will not be cheating on me, but if he did, I would understand, because it's kind of in the spirit of the challenge. But I don't want to know about it.

How would they even know if we were no contact? So, as per the terms of the trust, there is actually a private investigative firm that's not affiliated with our family that has to be monitoring us at all times during that year so they'll have our locations and they'll also do random drop-in visits to make sure like for instance my fiance didn't leave his phone at home and come over and my fiance and i well boyfriend but soon to be fiance um we are actually going to be really careful about it because people have gotten disqualified for being at the same store at the same time. So I'm literally moving to New York City for the entire year

to make sure nothing like that happens. And last question. I thought this was about sex. If you don't get married, this is a huge issue in my family. People have left the family over this. But if you choose not to get married, there's no way for you to inherit the trust.

And we have gone through those legal battles that we know. This is the most fascinating thing I've ever heard. I just saw the headline and I thought it was going to be like a no-sex challenge with your couple. A year without. You have no sex and then the couples who are together are happy and blah, blah, blah. This should be a movie. Yeah. This is fucking fascinating.

I almost think it's like fake because it's – Yeah, I was going to say, have you ever heard of this? I've never heard of anything like this. I think it's a one-time thing. Yeah, yeah. This is fucking fascinating. Whether real, not, an exercise, this blows my mind. First of all, this dude must be rich.

Rich. Your great-great-grandchildren are getting $25 million. Like, rich. You've got to be like Rockefeller. Yeah. Rich. Rich. Your great-great-grandchildren are getting $25 million. Like, rich. You got to be like Rockefeller. Yeah. Rich. So we'll put a little asterisk on it. Like, maybe this is fake.

Maybe it's not. I don't know. It's a great – I don't think it's fake. I think – I mean, she said there's 40-plus couples in the family. 40 couples are getting $25 million. Well, 25 was what the daughter got.

Yeah, it's probably... But she did say, like, life-changing, you can do whatever you want. Like, that's not, like, $2 million anymore. Right. For a couple to, like, live their dream life is, like, probably $25 million. Yeah.

So, I don't know. But... And I think a lot have turned it down, so it's probably, like, going into... Which is insane. That right there is insane. Dude. Yeah, agreed.

Okay, so year without means you cannot even be around each other. I think that is on the grandfather's part a bit I thought it was going to be something like sex where it's like make sure you really love this person for all the right reasons.

I think like banning yourself from someone for a year is really not the most healthy way to go about proving you love them oh so so like i get what he's trying to do but this is a bit extreme and probably does not need to be the way to do it but whatever his money his rules i love it let's go i think like you know like if you are again this probably goes back to gender roles and shit too. I feel like a lot of guys would be like, let's at least try it. Guys are like, I don't know. I'll see you next week.

I'll see you in a month. Who cares? I feel – yeah, to your point. I think you would be absolutely insane to not at least try. Yeah, we're going to try to get the money, right? And if you're 11 months in, 9 months in – no, actually, because at that point – if you're like six months in and you are like, my life is broken without this person, I don't know. Then you make your decision. There was no contact too? You cannot be in – yeah.

You can't even – like they're dead. Oh, oh. Do you know, Jack? Do you like to like text them? No, they like tap the phones so they can dead. Oh, oh. Do you know, Jack? Do you like to text them? No, they tap the phones, so they can't. Yeah, she definitely said no contact. Man. You know what?

I mean there's probably a bunch of people in some of these relationships who are like, yes. Yeah. And then what – but I'm assuming if you get divorced, you lose the money. You have to stay together forever. Probably. Because if you do that and you realize like, hey's been eight months i'm okay without this person we both realize that we're fucking other people we have another girlfriend boyfriend but let's just get married and get the money you know i mean yeah oh i mean like i i feel like 100 they have to be like

well we're both okay because like who the fuck isn't okay? You're a fucking psychopath if you're not okay with another person. I don't know, man. I mean, I think there are people who, if you're probably really in love, you're probably like... Not like... Yeah, I guess like okay, defining okay. Where it's like, if you're like, I'm not enjoying my life without this person. You don't know until something happens. But like, there's no one enjoying my life without this person i i you don't know until something happens but like there's no one in my life who like if they disappeared tomorrow i would i'd survive like

i mean listen i love my fucking parents like if my parents died tomorrow i'll be okay but it's a it is a not okay but oh yeah i'll be okay i'll be okay but it's a it is a not okay but oh yeah i'll be okay i'll be a lot like john it's a much different proposition when you're choosing to get rid of them though uh-huh like yeah listen if all of you die tomorrow i would be devastated but like life goes on you'll be all right versus like if if if you if you chose if someone was like i'll give you a bunch of money or you you cut and you have to cut john out of your life that would be a like a decision i wouldn't just be like fuck it the decision would be you're fucking doing math about how much money that show's gonna make or how much money you're gonna get right there i don't know i actually i i i think i might mean this like there's probably

this would probably be harder for me in non-romantic relationships than romantic relationships. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Certain ones. Oh. Certain ones I've been in. Yeah.

No, I would agree with that. I would probably have a harder time giving up you than some of the people I've dated. Aw. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I would completely agree with that. Family members and shit like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Like that – because when you think about – I mean relationships are kind of like you meet family members and shit like that yeah i completely agree with that yeah like that that you know so because when you think about i mean relationships are kind of like you know you meet someone it's it's sometimes they're like you know you see stars and fucking fireworks and it's amazing

and other times it's like yeah i don't know this person like works for me and we're attracted to each other and makes life better but you're talking to my boop like there's no i can't live without that's insane if you think about life in a very if you're talking about like a very utilitarian philosophical way of like i am trying to make my life better every day right i'm trying to get a job so i can have more money so i can do things that i enjoy try to like work out so i feel better i try to meet someone that I love to enhance my life. And then if on the other side is like money that makes your life better, I guess in this case it's kind of both.

But I mean, yeah, you got to try. You got to try. I think what's really – the interesting thing is that they allow the cheating because, like, I mean, it just feels like there's some loopholes here. Like, I feel like you could go a year without. And like you said, like, you know, I'm sure some people believe in, like, soulmates. But it's like there's no one person. So it's like, I don't know. I love you.

But, like, let's fulfill our needs over here and then get back together with $25 million. Yeah. I feel like it makes it all a very business transaction. Yeah. Which is cool. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, it is cheating, but she said it's like in the spirit of the competition or whatever. Like, if you had some sort of –

Babe, I was trying so hard. It's a lot like these i respect the game it's um all week it's that uh it's you know reality shows they're like pick the money or the love sort of things if if you were yeah if you were i'm sure there are ones that are like yeah you can go fuck a bunch of girls just don't like date any of them for a year like you can get your rocks off but then make sure you come back to me and we'll have $25 million. It is cheating,

but when it's agreed upon because of a wildly toxic rule that your grandfather instituted, it's not really cheating. See, I take issue with that. That it's toxic? Yeah. You think that it's...

Yeah. I've never had a dream before. I have a dream now. Yeah, this is awesome. It's to make enough money. To do this. To have my ancestors have to do outrageous things for the money. Bro.

And not like – not toxic, not like in a mean way, but like to give them the gift of like, guess what? From now until you die, you're the most interesting couple in the room. In the world. You're welcome. Yeah. Every cocktail party you walk into, people are going to be like, wait, what's their story? I want to hear about it. It's like when your parents used to drag you, make you do stuff as a kid.

When you didn't want to do it and you did it and you're like, all right. That was pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is like I'm not letting any of you motherfuckers be boring. That's the kind of money I have is that I don't have a boring bloodline. The worst part of this whole thing is what she described as a kid. If your parents don't do the years out, fuck you, mom and dad. You fucking lovey-dovey pussies.

If you guys – especially like, yo, it's one thing. When you meet somebody and you get engaged let's say on average what let's say you've been dating five years let's call it right you spend a year without that person that's you know like one that's 20 of the entire time you've ever known that person is now like chopped out when you're on year 40 and you're like if we just spent 360 days apart we'd be on a yacht right now like that is the definition of short-sighted. Like, when she's like, they thought it would be too much of a burden. Like, what's a burden about getting to chill by yourself for a year?

Dude, with the, like, caveat that your girlfriend or boyfriend on the other side knows. Like, if you just start to be a bad boyfriend girlfriend married spouse whatever you're cheating you're you're not present you you're not you're not helping them whatever like you're being shitty this is like it's we we're on the same page yeah and so it's okay and also at the end there's 25 million dollars the who wouldn't do this or again at least try and if you find out that you're a pussy and you can't go 365 i mean i definitely know girls who i for sure know girls who would say no to this right away i agree like i don't think there's anybody that i could ever that i would love enough to like be like i can't do this like i would absolutely do this yeah okay but i feel like i agree with you

but i i do feel like there are people like i like I think that leans towards like you just have not – you have not met a person in your life like that yet. Yeah, I hope to God I like find someone who I'm like I would not want to go to year without you. Or do you think that doesn't exist? I hope I don't find that person. I don't think – to be honest, I don't think that person exists for me. Like a person who like – I just don't think my personality – I don't think that exists for you either. I like – I can't.

I'll be fine. I'm okay. I'll be fine. I'll be okay. I'll be different, but I'll be okay. Like you said, you're very even keeled. You're never like... I'll be a different person than I would have been, but I'll be a person and I'll exist and I'll be fine. Bro, I hate it when we're similar.

That's so sad. That's so mean. I hate when I'm like you. I hate when we agree. You are, John Feidelberg, the most practical man in the world. Yeah, I'm very pragmatic. Love and that shit is not practical. It's by definition irrational and illogical.

I don't even think love. I think just like emotion is childish. Well, yeah, that's what I mean. All emotions are kind of illogical and irrational. Yeah. So – and you are not that. But when you are that and you are taken over by you know i mean listen there is there also is i i do see the other side of it i mean i have not really

done much with my money so maybe i really can't speak on it yet but like money has not really changed in my life yeah so and like being with like the right person does change my life so like i can i do sort of see the other side of it but i you it's a lot easier to say that one with the money you know what i mean if i do like i mean if tomorrow i started living a different lifestyle and then got very used to it and needed the money then it's a different story but it's like i don't know i do have this money now and it just gives me a sense of security. But like I have a lot of the same problems and a lot of the same feelings and it's just meh, you know?

I think that sense of security is everything. But it's also, you know, it's not, I don't know. It's like one that like I probably would have been okay just like with my salary. Like, you know what I mean? It's not like I went from – like I won Powerball and I went from – I can't afford rent to like I'm rich. So I probably would have been okay. I probably would have just like not had the house I have right now. But so I don't know.

I think there's more of an argument than you realize. But for you particularly, I agree with what you're saying. Yeah. I just don't think that applies to everybody. If it doesn't apply to you, check yourself into mental health. Like if it doesn't apply to you, go to therapy right now. But there's also this side of you that is like passionate, you know? Not really.

I mean like when we're doing content content there's a side of you that oh i can turn it on yeah i i think it's just like i got like you have you have an off switch other people don't have an off switch yeah yeah yeah no i can i but like i i can turn it on for content or like for fun like if like someone i'm sitting around at home someone's like you want to get fucking fucked up and wrestle like fuck yeah dude let's fucking do it that's a little different yeah okay like whatever i also think that you you have gone through a couple relationships that were like hot and heavy that were terrible for you you know that ruined you emotionally so like you probably associate being like super into a relationship with some negative shit i would argue that even my

bad relationships i was i was i was i think the by very definition of like sticking with sticking with it in during some of those bad times is very irrational and illogical and emotional. Illogical, but I knew I was doing wrong. Yeah, that's – I've been there too where it's like this is so dumb. Yeah. Take your pants off. Like, yeah. That is true.

It's the difference of knowing that you're being stupid versus being blinded by it. Yeah, I was fully aware. Like when it's some love is blind shit, I'm like, you're stupid. You can't see that this is dumb. It's like, oh, no, no, I see it. I'm making bad choices. It's like the house is a mess. I see it.

I just don't like cleaning it right now. Yes. Okay. I've been there. That I totally understand too. The year without, if I had money, money, money, I would produce this movie immediately. I would go get Jacob Elordi. I would probably just get the cast of Euphoria

and do this movie. This is incredible. It's one of the greatest... Mr. B should do this. Mr. B should do his next video. I split couples up for $25 million each. But the parent thing is the worst. You're looking at your cousins

who are like living in disney and fucking partying on the weekends doing the greatest you have the greatest clothes the greatest toys and it's all because you're you know and you're sitting at home in your shitty house because your parents love each other fuck that the the second i was old enough to comprehend what had happened i'd be with my parents i'd be like i got in trouble at school you gotta sign this paper real quick and i'd be like ha ha that was a permission to marry i'm getting married i'm 13 years old i'm fucking out of here uh man that i'm gonna be thinking about about this for the rest of my life. Yeah. Honestly, the main takeaway for me is the grandfather.

I'm so jealous of the grandfather. I'm picturing him like knives out. Yes, yes, yeah. Who is that? Is that Ian McKellen? No, it's something McKinnon or something like that. It's not Ian McKellen. Charles. The other one.

Christopher Plummer. Yeah. in or something like that it's it's not even charles the other one um uh christopher plumber yeah um the uh yeah just like sitting in this kind of coming up with like funny things you know yeah dude you'll be crazy yeah like in order to get my money you you have to scale the seven peaks. And you'd be like, this is kind of bullshit, but you'd be like, this is kind of sick. It's rooted in teaching lessons and growing, you know what I mean? So as long as there's a little bit of a lesson at the end of it, I don't think you can just be

totally ridiculous shit, but it's like... I think there would be something cool like you get my money, you have to travel around the world. You have to go to 20 countries in a year or something like that. And you'll get enough money to pay for that.

You have to learn a second language. You have to... You can only marry this person and get the money after you've slept... had a relationship with someone out of your culture. Just something that makes them experience the whole world. Yeah. And the only way to force it is with a big bag of dough at the end of it.

It would be awesome. Like a checklist of the things people always say they wish they did. The regrets at the end. Yeah. Like, yeah, you said the second language, an instrument, blah, blah, blah. Here you go. Take a few years. Learn that.

Now you have all that stuff that people wish they did and you have money. Right. Because there's a chance you get the money and you're just like, I'm just going to chill. Right. I don't want to do it anymore. Now you're lazy. I have money. I'm good.

But I think what – I honestly – sometimes I think it's like Disney Channel bullshit. But then sometimes I see the other side of it where it's like, I think if you did all that when you got the money, I don't think the money would be as big of a deal. Right. I think that corny shit actually happens. Yeah, for sure. Where it's like, well, I have the $25 million, but like, okay, cool. I don't know. I'm going back to like backpacking in fucking Europe because I realize that's what I like. Yeah, right, right.

You know what I mean? So. What do going back to like backpacking in fucking Europe because I realize that's what I like. Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? So. What do you think the movie would be? Would it be like the guy and the girl are just so in love that like they go the year without? Or is it like. I think it's got to be an ensemble cast that has like two or three couples where you see both sides.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I think you got to have like a toxic couple, a really in love couple, a couple who's trying to skate by the PI. You also got to like – I mean that PI, if there's 40 couples, I don't know if this is real. There's a lot of money being thrown around here to have like all of the logistics of this. But that is maybe the coolest hypothetical we've ever come across. We've got to just put that into Ai as like a just a boiled down question but

you got to buy the rights to this early yeah god damn i think it's a tv show too i think there's so much yeah episode you need like 20 episodes i watched la la land over the break that's kind of like similar ending where like they split ways like where are we do you ever see la la land i have but i don't really remember the ending yeah i have too and i also i i remember they're obviously not together yeah the i don't remember them she goes to like pursue her like she gets a big acting gig i think there's more movies that need to end that way the breakup when they just don't get together in the end no it's so gut-wrenching i know i know but that's fucking life though the breakup is like you're watching a breakup and it's like the breakup is too real like after a uh a breakup of mine and it was like this is yeah dude i think i remember there's a

scene where john favreau's like kind of talking to vince vaughn at a bar and he's like he's like he's like yeah dude you're like the good time guy like no one calls you when they like need help they call you when they want to have fun. And I was like, oh, that one hurt a little bit. That is not you. You are the fun guy. I've seen that movie once. I still remember that line where I was like.

That movie, I know it's kind of the like cliche quote from it but the want you to want to do the dishes i think was a cultural moment where they with that script pinpointed like what it is yeah yeah because like that is a thing girls want that and guys are like what the fuck does that mean yeah that was a great one i was very disappointed to find out that it was not Jennifer Aniston's body in that movie when she walks around naked. I only found that out recently. But, yeah, more movies where it's like, yeah, no, we never talked again. Because that shit is what – that's the real emotional – like that's the – you want to make a movie that makes people feel things? It's like, yeah, man, I fuck,

I had that guy or that girl who I never talked to again. That's, you know, getting, getting together in the end is the easy way out. That's the easy way to make a movie. Uh, so could you do the year without,

that is the question. No contact one year. Let's say at least 15 million at the end of it. Without breaking a sweat. Favs? No doubt. This room, man. People in this room. This is why this podcast exists.

There's probably some podcast out there that's like, no, I couldn't do it. And they have like 10 views. You've got to be sick to be in this game. Yeah, I'll just do two quick things uh one the uh um my family had a a christmas party where they the concept of it was it was a yankee swap but the you the present you everyone to bring their own present and the idea was the present you bring has to be like your favorite thing from that year be it a book a movie new cologne you whatever the fuck it is right and i guess this probably

goes to what you're saying i don't know what i bring you're like the perhaps brokenness of this room where i was like i'm not doing that like you want me to come show you all what i bear my soul be vulnerable like what's the trap but also like what what did you do well i didn't bring anything oh you you didn't participate but then i realized i was the only person who didn't bring anything so So I ran to my grandfather's room, grabbed a box, threw a Zin in it, and wrapped it up. You're such an asshole. And then my cousin got it, and he's seven. So I got it back. We all win.

I was sitting there. I'm going to make you super uncomfortable. You have to give me an answer. What would you bring for real probably Nicodemus like to be totally honest if I told you that

there's a grandpa that is doing this challenge and he has to be like satisfied enough with what you brought like as like okay you put enough thought

into this and I will give you 25 million dollars what are you bringing okay so so i i genuinely think that my answer like like for this year what did i start doing that i liked more and i haven't done in years past and like it's probably nicotine like um this is why you're the goat man you're the greatest ever dude but like i'd be like i used to like like i like that like most people would be like that's a cop like no like that's a cop out answer i feel like if the grandfather put you to a polygraph i would take it like what's

what are you yeah yeah i think it's probably nicotine i brought nicotine back into my life like i i i we were just saying yesterday on radio Like we would I think Because I'd be curious Like I honestly I think I'm being honest right now Yeah that's what So I'm curious to see If my body reacts that way as well But I'm pretty sure like

Again if you put If you were like What Like in those parameters Like what Something new you started this year That like It's the new thing that's tough

Like I don't think I started anything new Yeah I played video games You can put exercise I would bring video games I could bring like dumbbells. And these are also things I've done in the past. What a fucking meathead.

Dumbbells and nicotine. I've done both of these things in the past, but this year I kind of got back into it. Yeah, that would be video games for me. I loved those as a kid and I stopped playing them for like 20 years and then I played them again and I like them. Yeah. But that's a very easy, tangible thing. I think this is probably a hard thing for most people. Yeah, a lot of people

brought books. There was a Taylor, I won, I won the Taylor Swift, like a Taylor Swift flip book. Taylor would be a good one, I think, for you. I mean,

it's not just this year, but like this year was a big Taylor year, so. Taylor was one. What would you guys bring? This is the most depressing podcast just the most emotionless creatures like my like well i was sitting there and i was watching everyone put their gifts in a pile and my mom brought a book um the uh and i was like sitting next to my sister and was like, if I put a nicotine in here, is that funny? And one of the kids gets it.

I was hoping a kid would get it. And I was like, and one of the kids gets it. Would that be funny? And my sister went, and I was like, that's enough. If he just gets you to react like that, that's all that matters. Sketches would be – I was going to say, if I were to do this for you, I mean, it would be like a film your own – like a kit, like a ring light and a camera. Like try to film a skit because I did that and I loved it.

I mean, that gift kind of sucks because it's like, what are you – I'm going to film. But in the spirit of the thing, I would say that's the thing for you. That is – dude, like I'm on like one hour of sleep right now because we came up with a sketch idea last night that we're filming today and I just – like I get so excited but I can't sleep. That's it. I could not sleep. See, that's where I say that like you are a passionate person. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.

Like you love that. When you do it, you do it well and people love it. I know that that gets you are a passionate person yeah that's fair you know like you love that when you do it you do it well when people love it i know that that gets you going but i was in bed i was in bed at like 5 30 in the morning i put like an eye mask on i was rolling i was like i i know i can't sleep yeah you're thinking about this yeah yeah um so yeah you're right that's a that's a passionate thing i i found this year that i enjoy um jackie could Jackie could put a hammer and a scalpel in her, in a box. Why? Got a new nose, right?

Oh, yeah. Bro, I was picturing a Dennis Reynolds style. And when he's filming, remember when in the episode in, I think it's the first, Charlie McDennis? They have to make love out of clay. And someone does, I think Mac does an arrow that looks like a dick. Dennis has just

a very detailed picture of a woman's head in a box. Was your nose this year, Jackie, or was that last year? Technically last year. What would you put in the box, or what would you bring? I don't know. I don't know. I've been all about cheesy quotes lately.

I do think that that like – That came into your life this year? That came into my life this year. The Pinterest? The Eat, Pray, Love. Okay, like a nice Pinterest board. Get somebody a Pinterest account. Are you 24? Yep. Yeah, 24-year-old white woman, Love. Okay. Yeah. Pinterest board. Get somebody a Pinterest account. Are you 24?

Yep. Yeah, 24-year-old white woman. That checks out. Yeah. Pat, you've got to give an answer. I'm a camera. Yeah, you would be out of order, too. I've been using cameras forever, but not this way.

So it would be cameras. Yeah. Yep. All right. That's good. What about you? Oh, video games. That sucks, but that is the honest answer.

That's a lame answer, but it's very true. Do we have time to do voices? Oh, wait.. Oh, yeah. That sucks, but that is the honest answer. That's a lame answer, but it's very true. Uh, do we have time to do questions? Oh, wait. Real quick, too. This is, uh... I know Jason Whitlock kind of got busted for this. You about to defend Big Jay Witt? No, no, no, no.

It's just a kind of a comparable situation where he was like... I mean, it's something that's happened to us our whole careers. People are like, why the fuck is this an ad on the site? I'm like, that's Google AdSense, you fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I get a lot on my Twitter. I get a lot of OnlyFans. OnlyFans ads are like –

Oh, yeah, yeah. But that does everybody. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just think it's so funny that they're like trying to be like we're not just porn but using porn stars where it's like you want to see Riley Reid cook? And the thing that's really sick about it is that I'm people where I'm like, what's she making? The best thing you can do is get a porn star doing not porn. We've seen that work a million times, bro.

People are like, wait, they're doing more than just taking dicks? Does she make a nice souffle? Yeah. Dude, I think it's partly getting older. And I actually heard Stavi say the same thing. I wrote this down before Stavi's special came out. But he said a similar thing where he's like like i used to like titties on instagram and now i'm like oh you're cooking up like if you were told me like behind door number one riley reed is being ravished behind door number two she's cooking up quite a meal and i'd be like

well is it filmed like the head over there they're kind of just throwing things into the pan. How's it edited? I could watch a lot of those. Is it like the ASMR noises when they're chopping the vegetables? I really like that a lot. And she kind of just takes a bite and smiles at the camera afterwards and gives a thumbs up. I'm in. I don't know, man. I'm fucked with that.

Bro, I started following a girl on Instagram because she kept sending suggested posts. I think she's from Boston. That'd be my goal, to make her fall in love with me. She's not in my league, though. Then she'll probably take you. I don't know how to change my sort by date followed latest. I think she's the most recent person I followed.

Nope, Mandy Patinkin is. Olivia Tiedemann. She's like massively popular. She has 2.6 million followers. It was a suggested post where she's just like I'm hungover, we're making steak and eggs for breakfast. And I watched it and I was just like this is the most perfect person.

I was going to say, bro, this girl is right up your alley. Like brunette, kind of got like a little dead behind the eyes look. One of her thumbnails is a picture of her giving the finger with tattooed fingers. But she's also kind of like girl next door. She has the pigtails at some time. This girl. I know exactly who you're talking

about saw her and was like that's one of john yeah absolutely i think she might have said in a video she's a lesbian but uh well she's unattainable john loves her even more not not the first lesbian i've gone after publicly i almost turned a lesbian when i was like 24 or 5 like just have sex and it was it would have been i i think about that a lot i would have liked to just like have that on my resume we were still like making out and shit all over hoboken and like got pretty damn close enough that i was like this is pretty fucking crazy that you say you're not into this seem really into this but uh in the end she was like, this is pretty fucking crazy that you say you're not into this because you seem really into this. But in the end, she was like, yeah, I'm just not going to fuck you.

Nah! I did the opposite. I didn't even want it for the sex. I wanted it for the what? I said, I've done the opposite. I've done the carabas. Yeah, you've turned somebody gay, right? Yeah. You were somebody's last?

I believe so, yeah. It wasn't like the next day, but it was pretty shortly thereafter. I think we were at an OAR concert at the Tweeter Center in Massachusetts. You know they say you don't want to be someone's first or last, but I'd be okay if you died. I guess if it's not tragic. But if I fucked you for old and I fucked you and you died, it's like, I don't know.

I'm fine. If you want to kill yourself after we fuck, I'm fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, hey, that's as good as life gets. Tommy's going to change his profile to, you know, I'm out of your league, Kevin's is. If you're thinking about it, make me the last one. It's the first of the year. Everybody's trying to get into exercise mode and everybody needs a little bit of help, right? That's where FitBod comes in. It's the fitness

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Hopefully the whole contract show worked out. But the other day I was on the hub and on the home page was abella dangers answer the internet hell yeah 3.5 million views by the way so y'all are just fucking killing it everywhere um and i don't know why but that got me thinking like what's the weirdest porn parody you've ever seen. Whether you watched it or just came across it. I remember back in college, there was like this weird Rugrats one that came out. Took a peek.

Also, I learned about Lena Paul. So, yeah. That's a net positive. Rugrats porn is, you're towing some dangerous territory. That's dark. You just never want to fuck around with that because what if you like it? It's like Feidelberg said about Salt Burn.

You unlock something where you're like, fuck. What if I want to watch people in diapers? I'm pretty sure I don't. I don't know. What if I do? I mean, the original porn parody that I knew of was Pirates of the Caribbean, which is like the whole Barstool pirate porn thing there was it was just called pirates and it had a bunch

of like top-notch porn stars and they were just dressed like pirates and it was like a fucking movie that came out on vhs and dvd and like everybody knew about it that was like the og porn parody in my mind. I don't really come across much of that, though. I mean, I've seen... There's always, like, the porn cartoons. Yeah, like Family Guy. Yeah, Homer and Marge fucking and stuff like that. I wonder if you just search, like, porn parody,

what pops up in 2023. Porn parody. I mean, it's got its own category on the hub. Willy Wonka's Sex Factory. The Grinch. The Grinch. Spider-Man. And then it just gets back to the Wolf of Wall Street is a good one.

It's got a super hot chick doing the high heel to the face thing. Dora the Sexplora. See, this is where it gets weird, man. This is a hot chick in a Dora the Explorer, like, booty shorts with a green screen. If you're watching that, you probably are on a list but at the same time i'm looking at daphne and velma from from scooby-doo getting double teamed and i'm kind of feeling it so they're getting fucked by monsters it makes sense you know they're chasing after the monsters and they get banged by them um i wouldn't necessarily call this a porn parody horny Jewish stepmom seduces son's college

friends that's not really a parody so they're just kind of mixed in here a whole bunch of stuff back to the cooter back to the future so I was about to say I don't know if people really do this kind of porn I feel like it's turned into very like only fans real life

just watch people have sex and I am being proved very incorrect night at the museum bunch of people coming alive at the museum and having sex that one for the uh the history buffs out there uh stepsisters from the shining the two little girls. The two twins. That's fucked up. Resident Evil has a ton. That's always one, right? Tomb Raider is a big one. And then there's some sort of Captain America. So there's plenty of porn parodies out there

for the people who like a little plot in their life or want to see this one. Saw? Porn parody? That. I'm down with that. Let's see what this one is multiple huge cum shots in her mouth yeah i mean listen it's a little bit weak for a saw but that if i'm if i'm gonna pick one porn parody series it's gonna be saw which is basically just porn porn these days is just episodes of Saw with people coming.

So that would be my pick. Street Fighter. Have you seen this guy? Everywhere, to a zoo, in a limo, multiple times to the mall. I love my waifu, Sayaka Maizono. We've gone everywhere, to a zoo, in a limo, multiple times to the mall, movie theater, ocean, pool, restaurants, and all of the above. And I may be her most dedicated fan,

as it's a deep rabbit hole, as alongside that, I also have an RC car so she can move around with me if I want. All my consoles are covered with her alongside all my game covers, which I replace. I follow over 200 Mizeno accounts, which is currently half the people I follow on Twitter. I have over $500 in commissioned artwork, some of us together. I also have medieval chain mail with all the push-button pins that I've collected of her, which goes together with a sword and shield, which is entirely made out of her. But most importantly, I've turned my house into a church for Mizuno, and this is what the outside of my house looks like. Besides advertising the church in the front of my driveway, I also have multiple billboards outside also advertising it for people

driving by. My house is a legitimate place of worship though as when you walk in you'll see a choir of Sayakas alongside an 18 foot tall mural. Then if you go upstairs you can see the truly special part which is the walls and rooms of Sayaka Maizono as seen here and have gone as far as putting pages on the ceiling. Then when you come upstairs you'll see that the floor is completely covered with pages and extends all the way to this mini hallway. But the truly special part is this room right here, which is the most decorated part inside of the house.

Nothing is covered and is the pinnacle of the Holy Land. Generally for the rest of the rooms upstairs, they're all very similar, including my room and the two separate bathrooms that I have upstairs. If you were wondering how I did this, they were all printed with my ten photo printers, which are also Sayaka Maizono. Now,

of course, being concerned about robbers is a problem, which is why I also have custom Maizono boomsticks, which include a revolver, a rifle, an army knife, blessed ammo, which I all keep for myself, but also have an entire Sayaka Maizono militia, which I call the Waifu but also have an entire Saika-Maisono militia,

which I call the Waifu Warriors in order to guard my house, and also the giant monuments that I've built, which include a 25-foot-tall cutout of her, 10 20-foot-tall cutouts of her, two 30-foot-tall cutouts of her, and one cutout the size of half a tennis court. He's getting bigger and bigger! Jackie, how much money to fuck this guy? How much money for you to date this guy? I mean, I didn't even see what he

looked like, but to date him? He looks like... Actually, he looks like... There's multiple guys in that video, so I don't know who is who. You have to show up and be like, this is my boyfriend and like introduce him to your friends and family and stuff this guy i was about to say this is a little too like

too extreme so i think he's doing this for content but even if that's the case it's such a dedicated level of commitment to build 30 foot statues and cover your house that even if you're just doing this like hey i'm gonna do this thing for the internet where I pick a weird anime porn thing and like obsess over it. Even if that's it, you're still a fucking wacko. Yeah. And if you're doing it for real and you turn your house into a church,

you have a giant sign outside that says like the church of my Zuna or whatever name is. That's fucking crazy. I guess he's rich at least. I don't think he is. I mean, the house is huge though. I guess so.

He's got a tennis court and shit. Think of all the 3D printing and everything. Oh, is that what... You got a lot of 3D printers? You're rich? There he is, Jack. Come take a look at him. I think he looks like he's 15.

But he's gotta be... I mean, he's below my level. I was gonna say! This is... So this is what... Like... This... This is the test. You would rather date this guy than Jacob Elordi.

So, like, no. If I gave you the choice, okay, here's the deal. Here's what you have to pick between. This guy or you date a New York City ultra-wealthy socialite where you feel like you don't dress the right way, act the right way, talk the right way, look the right way at all times. Okay. I mean, that's different. But these are the extremes.

It would be like a serious thought. I would seriously have to think about. Like. You would seriously think about dating the anime porn porn guy this is crazy no no this is crazy i just basically said like you can date like a rich celebrity or an anime porn freak and you're thinking about it you have to go to therapy i don't know yeah we gotta work on your on your self-worth girl um this might be worse than the 50 per facetime no i would obviously rather take jacob lordy but like that would ruin me being like like looked down upon like every time you

go somewhere it's like oh my god like if the public was in on it i don't know um like like yeah every time you were out and the paparazzi took pictures and they were like why is he with her oh my god i had a dream one time that like i um yeah ah that's tough up with like it was like the sydney sweeney's boyfriend and then everyone was like well why oh my god it was it was a bad dream well why like who is this girl who thinks that she could be no see i think of that as like whether or not there are people chirping it's like yeah motherfucker, motherfucker, think about it. This guy who's been with Sidney Sweeney is now picking me. So like, yeah, you might have some.

Yeah, but I just came to the conclusion I was like, not worth it to be like, have everyone be like. What's going on here? It's an instant comparison. I mean, the worst of all time, and I hate to even bring it up because it is mean, was Hugh Jackman's wife. Really? Oh, my God. When you see her, and I actually, I think they were together for like 40 years. That's her?

Yeah. But then he split with her like last year. And I remember being like, finally. There's other pictures where I was like, oh my God. Or, you know, I always think of... But I feel so bad saying that, but there were pictures where I was like, oh wow, Hugh Jackman took his mom to like the award show. And then it was like, that's his wife.

And I was like, holy fucking shit. But, you know, she was probably his ride or die. And like he really, you know, she supported him through the or die and like he really you know she supported him through the lean times and they stayed together and all that shit but a lot of people say a lot of mean things all the time it's like fuck the the girl who's dating tommy lee now it like she britney furlan yeah it was a minor and she's very hot but she's gotten like a lot of work done and i can only imagine because like she's constantly being compared to pamela anderson yeah yeah you know it's gotta fuck with you yeah that's i mean it's a tough uh it's a tough world and when you i mean girls get it so bad with

celebrities and dating and shit it's like they just pick apart your body and yeah and your face and everything but i i'm guilty of this when like look up a quarterback, like a big-time quarterback, and I'm like, that's... I don't want that guy on my team. Totally! Or, you know, it's the inevitable. It's like, yeah, okay, he's going to dump that girl. And everyone's like, you know, no, what if she really supports him? I'm like, all that's true, but I'm telling you, they're going to

break up, and then they always do. It's almost inevitable. Brittany Mahomes is like the huge exception that everybody thought was going to happen and didn't. And, you know, good for her. But it's so unfair. It's tough out here, man. It's tough out here.

But that's why that's, you know, what you get in exchange is like money and a wealthy lifestyle and all that. And you got to decide whether you want that. But don't date the anime freak. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I choose Jacob Elordi. Okay, good. First time, long time. I've got a question for you guys that came up

after listening to Kevin's airport troubles with his suit. It got me thinking, man, you've got that money now. Why don't you just throw him, you know, a 50 or 100, get them moving in gear? And then I thought, as someone who identifies with the poors, I've never tried to do that i mean you see people in movies you know put a 20 across the table 100 across the table just to get things moving along um so i was wondering if you guys ever in your personal lives

just kind of took the risk threw some money behind a request uh and got it moving quicker than normal or got your way in any regards. So, yeah, looking forward to it. The only time I've ever even considered doing this, I don't know if I've ever actually done it. But if I were to, I would say up front, I would say to the bouncer, hey, man, can I throw you a couple hundred bucks to let us in? Because the only thing worse than waiting on the line or whatever is the bouncer being like, get your fucking money out of here like who are you nobody

getting rejected when you're trying to be slick and greasing the palms of some guy is so embarrassing that i would flat out say like hey you know my buddy doesn't have a ticket but like if i give you some money is that cool and then he can just say yes or no. But trying to be like, yo, here you go. And I dap him in the slot or I put it in his pocket or I make a heavy inference. My friend fucking Benjamin Franklin says – like I would just say, hey, can I pay you money to make this happen? And then he can decide. I've never – I don't think I've ever successfully

been slick like that I've tipped bartenders up front big and they'll be like thank you and I'll be like I'll be back you take care of me all night but even then I don't say like hey I'm tipping you a lot now so that you will pay attention to me it's just kind of like understood

but I definitely have never been like denied something and then been like how about this to fix the situation? Because the thought of being rejected is – you got to think all these bouncers and bartenders and waitresses and shit in these cities have seen – it's like I was just serving Leonardo DiCaprio. I don't care if you give me $20. I don't think it would work for any New York City bouncers. No, it works. It works. Yeah? I have never been denied like i'll always be up front with it like 20 bucks so i could just like and they do it yeah and they do it yeah no no i mean

literally 20 dollars yeah and you're at like places that are like places yeah yeah i mean there's no like lines for like mediocre places in new york city right right right and i'll never do it like i'll only do it if like my friends are already in there i'm not waiting on the sign like a loser i'll just go home yeah you know yeah yeah yeah i mean yeah there's definitely i will never probably ever wait on a line ever again if you guys are all inside and i somehow got separated i'd be like i'll see you guys tomorrow uh and you just walk up and then the people who are like waiting on the line don't say anything they're not like what the fuck dude people don't they don't like because they don't because i would never say why is that yeah yeah he's just got something i don't

right twenty dollars usually works i don't know jackie if you if a guy did that with you would you be like oh shit yeah well if i saw if it was a 20 i'd be like all right no but more like like if you if you if you show up to a spot with a guy and you're like fuck there's a big line and he's like come with me and whether it's five bucks 20 bucks 100 bucks he like gives the bouncer a head nod and and gets his attention and then is like right this way would you be like oh hell yeah yeah i probably would yep i'm kind of easily impressed but no but i i was gonna say i don't i think that is you put that on the list of like uh of of you know things that i think would impress a chick i think when a guy can get a table or get in and even has to do it a little

bit like you know there's a little element of like street smarts to it like i know how to talk to them and what to give them and all that i think that's impressive i think i think people would agree that that is like a turn on but only i think only if it's like a exclusive place because if it's like a mediocre place then it's like okay you're the reason i can't get in because i can get in without guys so you're kind of better ah you know that's true that's true i never thought about it from that point of view of like i yeah like i remember one time i was at uh tin lizzy like the like the most dive bar in new york city and i was talking it was like when i first met caitlin and i was like what can i get you like i get free drinks here and she was like so do i

i'm a girl at a dive bar like in the on the upper east side of new york i have never paid for a drink my life what are you fucking talking about i was like fair play fair play got it understood so yeah maybe maybe i'm wrong on that one it is crazy like the nights that you just decide like you're hot and you go to the front like you have the amount of the right amount of like alcohol in you the confidence like the confidence and everything like the jets game you can i'm always like yeah exactly i'm always like so hesitant when but like i'll have friends who just be like no we're hot we're not waiting in line and then we go up to the front get in every single time it's crazy we're hot we're getting in but the thing is like you gotta be right you have yeah you have to hit it if you're not hot

enough and some bouncer goes get back in line ladies you better go home and then it's even worse for a guy i don't know a guy a bouncer telling a girl like you're not hot enough to skip the line is pretty devastating but a guy trying to be like, hey, what's up, dude? How are you? You know, I was here last week. What are you doing? And he's just like, go away, is pretty embarrassing too. I don't know what's worse,

getting denied as a girl or a guy. But probably a girl, because girls, you're supposed to never get denied. So if you do get denied, it's like, guys regularly get denied and you're trying to get around it.

Whereas girls never get denied and you are, that's pretty fucking brutal. You just need the cheerleader effect though. You just need to put like, you're too get denied, and you are, that's pretty fucking brutal. You just need the cheerleader effect, though. You just need to put, like, your two hottest up front, and then the rest can be uggos. And then you get in. Okay, so when you're doing that,

is it just, like, unspoken? Like, okay, I'll be in the back, and, you know, Jackie and whoever go up front, and, like, I'll be behind you guys. No, but, like, we also know that it's like, the cheerleader effect, honestly, nobody even has to be hot in this group for the cheerleader effect it's just like you walk in dressed well you walk in as a group of girls it's kind of like how i feel like whenever wait i've actually never heard of this call i mean i can understand the inference

of a cheerleader effect yeah it's just like it just literally means like the cheerleaders are dressed up and get the attention so like, but then if you look closely, I don't feel like this happens whenever I walk into a bar with guys. You'll be like, oh, there's a lot of hot guys here, and then you'll actually look closer and you'll be like, wait, actually none of them are hot. For some reason, the appearance of a group of guys your age or something. I sometimes wonder if that shit's biological.

Your body is just like, go have sex with those people, and then your brain is like, no, maybe not. Yeah. And then you take a closer look and like, it's like, oh, his clothes are sloppy. It's just that he's a little bit tall. Wait, he's balding. You know, whatever. Yeah.

But if you are like, if you have a group of girls and you're like, fuck, we got to get in. And it's like, does everybody know who the front two are and who the back two are? Because that kind of sucks. No, no. I've never. Like, I'd rather be the middle girl. You know, I'll be like Because that kind of sucks. No, no. I've never done that. I'd rather be the middle girl. I'll be number three and four, but I don't want to be five and six.

It was fucked up. I went out in Berlin one time, and everyone's kind of racist there, we heard. So we had to put our least-looking-ethic people up front and our most up in the back. I don't know if I can keep that in but like no i mean my brother my brother had a very strange group of friends we used to call it the united nations because there was like a black guy a dominican guy a indian dude a thai guy a filipino dude like it was it was like 10 dudes 10 different races and my brother was the white guy and they used to joke like they would go on spring break and they were like if we get like arrested like

you're the one talking to them or like if we get kidnapped like you know they would they would joke like you know the ransom guys would call back home and be like we have we have you know uh we have this dominican guy and the black guy like the hang up but they call like we have this white boy from from america and it's like oh stop the presence we gotta send the police so you do gotta play your cards right in that in that department as well but but if i if you got it there's never a girl who's like i'll go get i'll i'll go talk to the bouncer and are you ever like stacy not you no no that would be devastating because also but what's worse is your friends telling you i don't think that's a good idea or you going to try to do it and the bouncer being like yeah go back with your friends well that's like a rush in sororities like they just legitimately like you know they put

all the hot girls up front and all that and like then there were like the dances and then you would know if you get selected for a dance that you were hot did you do it did you i got i got selected hey where did you have any friends who didn't get selected and they were like fuck you yeah they just knew but like they took it gracefully earlier were you like about it how did you handle it and there was like one like when you got selected what did you do i was just like i mean because there was also like there was multiple dances so like i didn't get selected for, like, one of them, and I was like... Wait a minute.

Yeah. Wait a minute. Hang on. First things first. Let's see the dance. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I honestly don't...

Uh, Jackie? Jackie. No. Jackie. Trust me, I don't remember anything. I don't care what you remember. I care about what we can find, And I know we can find this video. I don't think it would be on YouTube.

I think we can find this video. I think I am going to tell you, I'm going to fire you if you don't find it. I think we need to find USC, class of 20, whatever. Sorority. I'll try and look it up. Oh, we're going to find this.

What sorority were you in? It's fine. I'll try and look it up. We're going to find what sorority were you it's fine i'll try ah we're gonna we're gonna find no no no no no were you were did you did you eat girl where all the girls like she ate there was no crumbs left no crumbs left love that term no crumbs left uh no i don't think i ate it i think what did you dance to I don't think I ate it. What did you dance to? I don't, like, I don't remember. I just remember being selected for a dance. This was like the crowning achievement of your hot girl life. You remember.

When the hot girls say, hey, you're a part of the hot girl dance, you fucking remember, you goddamn liar. I'm actually about to get mad if you continue to lie to me. Because I know you're lying. No, I swear to God, Kevin, I don't remember. Like, it's also, like, I remember some girls in the group being like not that hot so i was like okay don't let it go to your head that much listen girly pop just just because we're dancing yeah doesn't mean that you're but um oh my god jackie just popped up in this video right now just like

yeah recruitment video i could see usc theta recruitment i'm sure they're like get tits in the front let's go uh x i no no no no theta kao she says that like no no no no that's a fraternity ka what kao well it's kaTheta. This would be so great. I know you know what song you danced to. Dude, I don't. I know you do. Trust me, I would have spit it out right now. I'm so easy to crack. I just don't know.

That's really funny. I know you felt like you were hot shit, though. Oh, I did? Well, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many other girls were, like, up front? Were you, like, one of three or you were like one of like 10 i was oh so you do remember no no no no no no it was like a lot like it's a big sorority

so again i don't remember and we had like 50 like videos and whatever so i don't remember exactly what it is but there were just like girls in the pods yeah yeah the pods with the dancing ones okay i don't remember what were you wearing you had to wear like recruitment stuff so it was like a theta shirt and like yeah so you do no details okay okay okay that's interesting you remember your outfit that day but well i don't remember like we had to wear the same thing for four years i don't remember the specific dance one year hilarious hilarious i could never do anything i'll do shit man well we will find this though if you if you were uh i'm sure there's people in the sorority life or the frat life that

can track this down for us please get me jackie dancing for her sorority rush that would be unbelievable next up you guys. Question for you. So I was playing a card game this weekend, and there was a card in the deck that was a nope card. Basically, any time something happened in the game that you didn't like, you were able just to apply your nope card. So if you had a nope card in real life, what would you use it on? Great call. Nope.

Viva. John john happy hanukkah brother a nope card would be so sick so sick like someone comes up to you and you're stuck in a you know they come up to you and they start a conversation you don't want to be a part of you just go nope and they just like freeze and walk away. I cannot do like the small talk anymore. I think because I talk so much here, I'm so quiet in my regular life. People are always like floored. They think I'm going to be like loud and boisterous. And then they actually are like they think I'm kind of a weirdo because I'm so quiet.

But it's because I'm not only am I not – I don't want to talk. I'm also like being so judgmental and like thinking like, oh my god. I would make fun of this on the podcast or like if you ever said this at barstool, what would happen? All these lame thoughts are like running through my head that I just like sit there silently. I cannot do like the, oh, like you tell me about you and I'll tell you about me. I want to just be like, nope. Let's just watch the game or whatever, man's just we don't have to do this nope you've probably had a lot of the same conversations because so many times and it's it's great and i love it and you know uh you know

i i do find the barstool story interesting and i'm always willing to tell it but it's like, I was an accountant. But the biggest nope, I... What would be your nopes? I mean, I have some serious things in life that I would love to nope, but... The little casual things in life of... You know what? This is not a nope. This just popped in my head if you are a store that sells like food

and you and somebody buys food they need they should have to put like the fork or the spoon or whatever in the fucking bag like like there's places on the corner here around here I go and I buy like a little like uh chicken salad thing whatever and then i come back i don't have a fucking fork or spoon to eat it

you should have to put the fucking you put napkins and the utensils in the fucking bag that used to happen and now it doesn't i love going to a salad place like do you need a fork what do you think i'm gonna eat of course that's what i mean yeah yeah like i need to eat this you motherfucker uh that actually brings me to i meant to tell the story earlier but my mom and her latest crusade my mother is fighting fighting the good fight against uh new york city grocery stores that no longer provide bags so i think this is a regional thing because every time i complain about it a lot of people in the south and the west are like we still get grocery bags all the time but in new york they outlawed plastic bags and then they gave us paper and then eventually they phased out paper and they just

said you have to bring a reusable bag or you have to buy a bag i usually just fucking buy a five cent bag, but it is annoying that they just, it was this thing that they used to provide and now they don't. And it's all in the name of like one dead turtle that one time got a bag stuck on its fucking nose. Like it's just part of life.

You buy groceries, people need to put them in bags. And so out here, bags are like, you, what happens is, you buy a reusable one, right, you bring it home, you unload it, you put it, like, in the closet, you go to the grocery store, you forget to grab the reusable one from the closet, you have to buy another one, next thing I know, I have 50 fucking five dollar bags in, in my closet, or you have to buy these, like, five cent ones that are like really shitty anyway my mom goes to the same grocery store on the same in the same little neighborhood in the bronx where like everybody sees each other every day my dad my mom they go to this store like three times a day like

oh we need milk oh shit we forgot bread oh wait we forgot this so they're there all the fucking time my mom also knows that this grocery store is like a subsidiary of this the town we used to live in when we lived in westchester is the nice grocery store they also like when they get deliveries and shipments and stuff they like they hit both these spots so it's managed by like the same people so my mom knows that like there's the ritzy one in pelham and then where she lives in the bronx is like the the redheaded stepchild so my mom started like when she would be checking out she would be like oh i bet the ladies in pelham get their bags get their groceries still bagged and she'd be like looking at the manager being like i bet you don't pull this out in pelham

i bet that you know blah blah blah So it started with that, making the employees uncomfortable. They were just like, I don't know, lady. Just fucking go away. Then, she graduated to fighting back. She goes to the produce section and she tears all of the plastic

bags for your fruit and bags her groceries with those bags. I'm talking gallons of milk in the in the tall skinny one she's like you'd be she goes you'd be surprised when you get fit in there i was like doesn't it rip she goes no you'd be surprised so she'll sit there blows it opens it up and starts stuffing in all of these big items she's double and triple bagging them while she's going the ladies in Pelham don't have to do this. And they're all just like, what?

This lady is fucking tapped. But if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. That's – I mean that is literally why I am who I am and where I come from. Like I can afford the bags. It's not about that. It's the principle that you just sell me a bunch of items. I have 12 stray items on this counter, and you say to me, do I need a bag?

Yes, I fucking need a bag, man. I'm not going to just walk out of here balancing these things. Give me a goddamn bag. Oh, now I got to pay for it? No, I don't. There's bags over there. And then the real reason that she's she won't back down is the other day my dad bought groceries is walking home they

live about like four or five blocks away from the grocery store uh again this is a community of probably like a couple thousand people it's like the smallest little nook of the bronx my dad is there all the time. They ran out of the store and tracked him down a block and a half away and said, you stole the milk. You didn't pay for the milk. Which he did and he had the receipt to show it. But also, even if you

did, even if you were ringing him up and you forgot to ring up the milk, just fucking let him go. So my mom got word that they were accusing him of theft. And now he's just in an all-out crusade to embarrass everyone and make them feel awkward while she steals the produce bags. And part of me is like, I am so mortified. And part of me is like, rock on, lady. Fuck yeah.

That's my mom. I love that. Yeah. I love it from a distance. When you're involved in it, when the police came to Home Depot and I was there, I was like, please, mom. Wait, what? Yeah. We were at Home Depot.

This was like when I was in high school. Home Depot was one of the first places that really got on their check your receipt shit. One of the first places that was like, we need to see your receipt because we think you're stealing. And every time, she would be like, just put your head down and walk. Just go. They're accusing us of theft. This is profiling. This is unconstitutional. This is invasive. All that shit.

And one time, we were walking out, and she was like, don't you give them the receipt. Keep your head down. You keep walking. And I was like, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. But there was cops outside, and they called the cops over. And then one of the cops like like kind of he didn't like grab my mom but he kind of like corralled her and was touching her and i was like don't touch my mom and it was like a whole fucking thing and i was like if we just let

him see the receipts and he was just gonna just check it with his marker and go none of this would have fucking happened but i'm also like dig your heels in lady that's why i have a podcast that's why we do this shit anyway the nope card uh maybe it would be that you're checking my receipt nope fuck you leave me alone what do you got jackie what's your nope card um i mean women would need yeah nope cards left and right bars and people there. I realize also, like, going back to the small talk, like, I can't do – I used to kind of, like, enjoy, like, when Ubers would talk. I mean, I've never enjoyed it, but, like, I never minded it. Now, if they try, like, I can't.

I can't do it. I don't know about that. Yeah, you reach a point. I think sometimes part of it is the job, and it's just like, I don't know. These conversations are just not necessary. Yeah. And they're just taxing and annoying. But then part of me is like, just have the, be a member of society and just have the fucking

conversation. I don't know. I used to like, like in LA, I had a Uber to an internship an hour and a half there, an hour and a half back. I would have to like to talk to this Uber driver for the entire time because everyone in LA talks. I was totally fine with it. Now I can't even for like a 20 minute ride. half back i would have like to talk to this uber driver for the entire time because everyone la talks i was totally fine with it now i can't even for like that that's almost like at that point i maybe would talk because like we're we're we're hunkering down together for two hours yeah like

that that's almost we're gonna get to know each other out here yeah yeah uh hour and a half each way for an internship where were you and ied? And I wasn't even paid. It was like this talent management company. It was crazy. Crazy. It was just L.A. traffic. Jackie, do you think you would be different if you still lived in L.A.? Yeah. Yeah?

I don't know what I would have done, though. So do you think you're like a New York girl now? No, no, no, no. What do you think you are, then? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, everyone thinks you're from Jersey. i know everyone thinks jersey totally i would never look at you i mean like looks wise sure if you just said like is this girl from california yeah sure

but like uh it's an attitude it's not an attitude it's like a personality yeah but like i'm so like i'm so like california nice i feel like what does that mean no just like i'm just like is that a real you're actually nice or is california nice one of those things where it's like we're not actually nice just like no like california people are just nicer like i don't think i'm i don't know if i agree with that there's no way i've heard it's like the land of the snakes yeah that's what i mean like i think california nice is like we're nice to your face but we're snakes behind your back whereas in new york it's like get the fuck out of my way and it's like well okay you know whatever we're just up front about it that's what i mean like i think california nice is like we're nice to your face but we're snakes behind your back whereas in new york it's like get the fuck out of my way and it's like well okay you know whatever we're just up front about it that's what i've heard yeah but no yeah la is

different like northern california is just like the best people in the country i could see people where there's nice weather people are just in a good mood all the time so they're just like not bent out of shape about the little things when you're commuting in like 100 degree weather or shitty cold weather you're just miserable and you're just everyone's mean to each other whereas like you're in socal you're like i don't know man 75 and sunny yeah whatever that guy cut me off what do i care whatever wait when i was in tahoe though like this is why i texted us oh jackie had big time vacation to uh like i need to live like a ski bum life just for one winter. I know. I need to.

So Jackie texted the group, like, what if we get a house for the winter, a content house? And it's not a bad idea. It's actually a great idea. And it's one that I just wish. I wish Barstool. I wish I had the money I have now and Barstool had the clout that it has now when I was 25. When I was 25, we were just bloggers in basements and we just didn't have the ability to be like we're gonna go live in vermont in tahoe for

whatever for a month in this house and film ourselves and get awesome content out of it i would love to i just might i can't do it if you guys want to go do it i will help facilitate it uh but there is something to be said for when you go everybody has a moment probably around your age too where you get a summer house or you get a winter house or you watch a movie like i remember watching like american pie being like this is how it's like all my friends are gonna like we're gonna like live together and like be friends forever and like hang out and we're all gonna like live in the same house or in the same neighborhood we should what was it american pie too it was like they all got together and like be friends forever and like hang out and we're all gonna like live in the same house or in the same neighborhood we should what was it american pie too it was like they all

got together and painted houses together for the summer and i was like we're gonna fucking do that guys and of course you'd never do that but when you're on a vacation like that you're like how can i do this forever or at least for like a season my dream i mean i say it all the time i'm like i would just go to the Bahamas and be a bartender. It's close enough to America. You could probably make enough money. You live on a hut in the beach. You sleep with some tourists.

You have a good life. And you're happy. And there are people who just do that. And it's just like we choose to live here and do this incredibly difficult shit. But you could go do that. Jackie, you could quit and go do that. I know, but i don't want to quit but like why not because like why don't you go be like why don't you go be a ski

bum i mean i'm i'm so like you know coming off the heels of that like i considered how i could make it happen but unfortunately i also really like my life in new york but like just for one winter like i would love to just like ski all day go to the bars after i could work like a job for me it's not even like the like i don't like skiing i like the the lifestyle of like i would like to be a bartender at the same place or like work at the resort and it's just like yeah i see the people who are on the mountain and i know the the the you know the ski community and you're all just kind of – it's the same thing with surfing and the beach.

Like you'd be a lifeguard at the beach, that sort of thing where it's like you have your own little world and there's no stress or drama. I'm sure there is their own version of it, but it's certainly not like this. Yeah. And then it hits me. It's like – but it's only kind of fun when I'm like young. Well, that's the thing too there's a couple things one you don't you don't make much money so you actually really have to

make sure you're you like the lifestyle because it's like the minute that you want to go buy like a nice bag it's like well i can't do that yeah but if you're really content being on the mountain and like hanging out with people and like hot tubs and shit like that gets you then you're good but then yeah you got to think like what happens when everybody settles down and has a family or I'm the only one left. Yeah. But the smart people, you know what they do? They just say, I'm just going to keep doing this. Yeah.

I never get tired of it. Yeah. I don't know. I probably – I think I would get tired of it, but I'm an idiot for thinking that. Like I'd like to try. It's like the money with the grandpa. At least try. Yeah.

Part of me wants to fire you guys and make you go do some shit like that that was my plan before this i was going to come home do like an internship i didn't know i was going to do this internship and i was going to go back down south carolina for my last semester and i was just going to stay on the beach i was gonna be a beach guy i kind of want to fire you yeah i'm so not a beach guy but i fell in love with the beach that that like that senior year junior year i was like this is you could be a beach guy get used to the sun you get used to everything that would be great we both get fired you become a beach guy i become a snow girl and then we just like mix and match the seasons yeah we get hired and then come i mean it's also there's a level of like you're you guys are too talented to like not do something like

this you know so then i feel like it's wasted talent but fuck that who cares you know i don't know dude i might i might at least like force you guys to go go away for a while no but like we have we have a job this is like when you break up with someone for them you know it like, I'm doing this for you. It's like, go. You're fired. Go to the beach. Please don't fire us. What?

Please don't fire us. Well, sometimes you got to do it for the person. You can fire us if you'll rehire us. Well, maybe that's what I'll do. It's like, we're just going to stop your paycheck for a month. Go live the life and come report back. That's why I can't do it because of the kids and shit, but if you guys want to go do it, we could probably make it happen.

Do you think that that could happen? That you could stop my paycheck for a month? And guarantee that I have a job? I mean, we could probably do it and you could keep your paycheck. If you want to go to a house and make content, go. But, like, I don't... I'm not... Like, I don't... I'm not, like... You don't want to make content. You just want to have fun. No, no, no.

No, no. I'll do it, what I need to do, but, like, I would have to come. You just have fun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll, I'll do it. What, what I need to do, but like, I would have to come up with some good content. Like, yeah, that's,

that's where, I mean, part of this job, like affords you the opportunity to do these things, but you do have to like have a plan and not just be like, I'm on the mountain. Like it's like day one, day two,

what are we going to do? Like we got to film with the France and like the, the chefs. Yeah. That's like the perfect example of like, you don't have to be here to do that. I think if you documented like ski bum life and you did it for real, people would watch that and it would be worth the time away.

Okay. Well, maybe while I'm still on vacation mind, I'll come up with an outline or a plan. That's the other thing is like right now your brain just wants it so bad because you were there. Yeah. But it's also like I don't think there's skiing anywhere happening because the country is like in tropical weather now yeah uh yeah johnson swans was funny it was like yeah all you have to find snow anywhere in america i'm going next week there's no way i'm able to ski there's no way what do you do when you go

there there's no drink i mean it's still fun. But, like, I like skiing, so, like, that sucks. Yeah. Crazy. All right. Last West Mill. No, we did three. I think we did three. Oh, cool. Feeling good? Feeling healthy? Really?

Yeah, yeah, dude. I'm feeling... Why is that? Dude, just... Sellout. Ha, ha, ha. Fucking punk. I'm just big on sleep.

Sleep's been the guy. How many hours are we talking? I'm an eight-hour guy. I'm an eight-hour guy every night. Are we talking, like, midnight to eight? What are we we talking like so how do you get your eight ideally i'm in bed at 11 ideally but stand up and every that like all that stuff makes that hard to say when you invent like monday tuesday maybe well i like usually usually your first show is like um maybe like eight your second show is 10 sometimes i'm doing a midnight show but i'm usually doing

two spots a night sometimes three spots a night and like and so i it's not and then you run home and i go straight home go straight home yeah because that's the thing man like how old you i'm 31 so you're old enough to where like post 30 you start to be like i don't want to drink i don't be hung over sometimes you could also go pedal to the metal and keep it rocking. But I feel like some of these guys, you know, whether you pop because of TikTok, social media, or just you're a fucking, you know, prodigy. Yeah. If you have, like, a great stand-up career and you're, like, early mid-20s and you're out all the time and traveling all the time. It's my wares on you. No, I'm.

That's crazy. Like, I partied hard in my 20s and i still like a party occasionally go out do the thing but i also like i don't drink as much when i party now i uh like i there's less temptation too i think there's that insecurity you have when you're younger where you're like i need to prove something i need to drink i need to get laid like i need these things to feel secure my own like masculinity yep and then when that all that stuff melts away you're just like uh like dude that is one of the i don't know whether it's i think i reached a point

where either a i was like i remember doing the math being like i think i've done like 13 000 hours of this like just being in a bar yeah so it's like one more night if i miss something like that fomo it's likeOMO was not really there. Dude, I disagree. Yeah, you are. I feel like I need another one. It's not even beers, really. It's like I – The moment.

The being at a bar, I think, is the greatest thing ever. Yeah. I think when you're at a bar, I don't know. It's almost like you make – there's like an unwritten rule or an unspoken promise where you're like, yo, we're just going to have as much fun as we can in here. When those doors close. Like, yeah, we're going to forget what's outside and we're just – like I was saying on the show earlier that I went out Saturday night

and nothing crazy by any stretch of the imagination happened, but it was just so much fun. So fun, yeah. We played pool. We played darts. There was this thing in the bar where it was a contest. If could hang for two minutes straight you got a free beer so everyone's just hanging i've never heard that in my life like it was just like like it like i didn't drink much i had a few beers but like that's such a good gimmick like it was just like the most fun like it was you have to like pay to try or just like the most fun. Do you have to pay to try? Yeah, it was five bucks to try.

So you buy a pull-up bar, install it for like 25 cents, charge five bucks a pop. It was just like, there were probably like six of us. I actually didn't do it. I knew I wasn't going to do it. A few, Pat tried. Two minutes is a long. When I first saw it, I was like, I can fucking smoke that. And then we made friends with the bartenders,

and they're all telling us, you've got no chance. You're also too heavy. They're like, bigger guys can't do it. Yeah, you can be super strong, but you've got to have that perfect – It's the rock climber. That's exactly what they said. They're like, rock climbers can do it. Yeah, lean, grip strength.

They said they've had to ban – There's a group of rock climbers who come in and they have to do it. Yeah, lean, grip strength. They said they've had to ban. There's a group of rock climbers who come in. They have to ban. Dude, did you see the video I posted of Shea the other day on the slide thing? No. This is one of the craziest things. I did not grow up with anything like this. We went to a –

It's crazy playground stuff? Kind of, yeah. It was an indoor rock climbing place, which is cool enough in its own right. You put on the harness, and it just has these hooks that you can, you hook on to all the rappelling, like, cords, and you can just run around.

You do it, you would think that, like, little kids rock climbing, you need, like, constant supervision. Yeah. And it's not. They can run around and do, like, their own thing. Yeah, they figure it out. Yeah. And if they fall, it's like, whatever, buddy,

get back up. Yeah. That's going to happen a lot more in your up. Yeah, that's going to happen a lot. Exactly. You've got to learn fast. So the rock climbing was whatever. It was one thing. But they had this other thing that was a big curved wooden slide. Curved and eventually went straight up the wall.

Yes. Like a half pipe? Yes, like a half pipe. And you lay down. You lay down on your back and grab this bar. And you push a button and it goes

and you get to the top. There's a little girl here who's pushing the button. You can't see it. You get all the way up and then you just let go. And these fucking top. There's a little girl here who's pushing the button. You can't see it. Yeah. You get all the way up. And then you just let go. And these fucking kids. That's fun. These kids did this. That's fun. A billion times in a row.

And I was just thinking to myself, I was like, for the most part, you know, there's swings, monkey bars, slides. The classics. The classics. Like, and they really, you know, they added a zip line. I feel like in the mid-90s, ziplines started. I remember being like, oh shit. For the most part, there hasn't been a new

thing like that. Playground hasn't innovated in a long time. You need to. Some guy out there was like, let's fucking pull these kids up with a ski toe, basically. We'll just drop them on their heads. Well, you gotta think about what you're competing with now. You're competing with phones, video games, all that shit.

It's gotta be wild. Dude, you come, you show a kid a pair of monkey bars, he's gonna be like, get fucked. Are you kidding me? You want me to grip on something? This place had walls you could climb up,

and then it had a full ropes course. These kids are like 30 feet in the air, and they're just walking through, like, balance beams, and climbing sideways on the walls, zip lining and shit. I was like like this is fucking that's a great because you take your kid there and then they just burn themselves out so they're just like running around all day they get exhausted then you go home you get some peace and

quiet the best is the uh the other mostly dads but parents in general trying to do it with them oh and they just can't no no no no you're not keeping up with them man you i mean there is no fucking shot yeah i could do rock climbing and ropes challenges and shit right now no fucking chance like dad are you gonna do it i was like hell no well there's a thing with with a lot of dudes i've heard this story again and again my dad his friends different people about how like you just don't do something for a long time and then you're in a buddy's garage and then he has a bench press and you're like, I used to bench 225. Throw a couple of plates on. You put it on.

Peck. Torn off. Goodbye. Like I we talked about this very, very recently where like I was in a hockey tournament and I used to be pretty good. I used to be okay. And but I could I had good hands. Yeah. And I was like trying to stick handle like I used to be pretty good i used to be okay and but i could i had good hands yeah and i was like trying to stick handle like i used to be able to and it was like it actually was a very interesting thing where it's like this is what it must be like to be inside the mind of

an old person where it's like i can't i know how to do this yeah i can do this and it's just not working it's just it's not happening, dude. I had the same thing. I boxed when I was a kid. That was my sport. And I was in a gym. Then they had an up and down bag. That's a bag that has, like, two strings on it. It's a little ball, and it moves all around.

And I used to be able to hit this thing all over the place. And I was hitting it and missing it, missing it, missing it. I was like, oh, shit, dude. You don't use it. You lose it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I did it with baseball the other day. We had, like, a guy who sets up stuff. He just, like, tests us with stuff. He's like, I'm just going use it, you lose it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I did it with baseball the other day. We had a guy who sets up stuff and just tests us with stuff.

He's like, I'm just going to throw you a ground ball. And I was like, all right. And same thing. I was pretty good. And I couldn't even bend down. I was trying to move laterally. And I was like, no, my hip hurts. Again, I know what to do.

I just can't do it. We had two guys here compete, Francis and Prince Dallas and Marty Mush. And they played. They did a bunch of different challenges, but one of them was one-on-one basketball. And the whole rest of the world has ever played. You play to 11. Yeah. And they were warming up, and they were both like, I'm pretty tired already.

We got to lower this down. They lowered it from 11 to 7 to 5. They played to 3. That's so funny, dude. Basketball to 3. And I think it took enough. You know, there was still enough foul. Like, I figured if you played to 3, the game must have lasted, you know,

five minutes. They were like, he was fouling too much. He was calling too many fouls. Like, how long could this game possibly have been you played a three exactly i guess if you're just bricking left and right old man shit dude we're all getting old man i try to stay on top of it i'm running i'm doing yoga i'm fucking lifting weights i'm trying to do it i took muay thai classes for a bit fell off i want to get back but i'm trying to not get too old bro even if you've done bro i haven't done shit in so long it really creeps up on you when you're like like i was i i

had a bunch of surgeries and shit when i was younger so i was like kind of fucked up but i was like 25 and i was like all right like i'm out of shape but i can get back in shape yeah and then like i needed another surgery and i was like 28 and i was like okay like i'm pushing 30 i'll be all right and i'll get to that later oh let me let me finish this thing up barstool let me get to the end of the line and then we'll do that and then also i'm like i'm 40 i'm almost 40 and then it's like too late that's the thing you can't even get it if you even if i found the motivation you're fucked they say like because lots of dudes it's like that like mid-20s to 40s, it's all career. It's career, career, career, career.

But some dudes, because now you guys both got a little more downtime, much more income. Then you can be like, well, now I can pay someone to help me. I'm hoping, but even like we just picked up, we fucked up, man. Because we were about to have a lot more downtime. Yeah. And then he started doing a sketch show and the radio show, and I'm doing the radio show. So we have less time than ever. That's the thing.

It's like every time you get that slot that's open, you're like, well, I could work. I could keep fucking working, dude. Full-blown workaholic shit, man. When people talk about overseas, how it's just not that way. Yeah. And I'm just – I would love to really sit down with just a regular foreigner, like regular job. So you just don't really care that much, huh? Dude. You just do what you do and then – but there's no sort of – you don't feel a grip.

You don't feel you have to do it. Yeah, yeah. I was at a show and there was this German guy on the show This really funny dude And there was this girl It was a bar show But she's on her laptop And it's like 10pm at night And he goes like What the fuck is wrong with you

Put your shit away you Americans It's 10pm And she goes it's 7 in LA And I was like yeah that's right That's right buddy I was like, yeah, that's right. That's right. Dude, the,

I, I was in Rome recently. I was at dinner and I was like the, I was, my friend got up and he left. And, uh, so I was just kind of sitting there eavesdropping,

not even intentionally. Like I, I was, it was just, you know, they were so close. I couldn't help but hear them. And it was two people.

And she was, one woman was like, she's like, well well, you could be a teacher in America. And it was this gay guy. And he just goes, what, and get shot every day? And then he started going. He's like, do you know how much Americans work? He's like, I have a friend who works in America. She works in New York City.

She lives in Jersey City. She makes $100,000 a year. And do you know how many weeks a year she works? 50. And I was like, wait, is there a different number? Like, that's just the standard? Yeah, two weeks off. He's like, I want to work, like, 30 weeks a year max.

And I was like, this guy has it all figured out. I don't think that's completely wrong, though. You've seen all those, adult math things, like past to current type things. Yes, yes. Some girl was doing math on what our parents would have done. Like people, if you were in the 80s, say if you were like 20 in the 80s, how much it would cost to live and all this stuff. And she did average cost of everything. Normally, you would go home with, at the end of the month, have like plus $700.

And now, with average everything, it's like minus 900 something. You're like short unless you're doing all this extra stuff. And $700 with inflation is like $2,000 extra. So it's like think about if you have $2,000 sitting around every month doing nothing more. So our parents were living chiller lives i was just hanging out with my dad and his and his wife and she was like yeah we used to go out all the time i used to get coffee every day you know these billionaires that are always like yo don't get a coffee save money she's like i went to starbucks every single day i bought my house with her with her previous husband for

i was making 20k a year he was making 30k a year a year. He was making $30,000 a year. We bought our home. We paid it off in no time. And she's like, and we had two kids. What the fuck? What does that mean? Dude. Is it just inflation? We're getting fucked is what it means.

How is that? I mean, I see people. When I see people that have like four kids, I'm like, what the fuck? How can you possibly do this? I'm still in the world four kids, I'm like, what the fuck? How can you possibly do this? I'm still in the world where when someone tells me like, oh, I'm pregnant, my first instinct is to go, oh, no. Oh, my God. That's so sad.

I'm never going to leave that world. No kids. No kids. Yeah, me neither. But like I don't think – like I live but, like, I couldn't afford a kid. I know. Like, I do – It's so much, fellas.

Let me tell you, it's so much. Yeah. I couldn't, like – I couldn't be like, well, I can cut this and cut this and cut this, and, like, then that all goes to the kid. I would not be – like, my – even my current lifestyle. Like, again, it's nothing extravagant, really, but, like, I could not afford a child. Yeah. No way. Dude, you know what you really can't afford?

Being a divorced dad. Let me tell you this. I feel like I live in a world of like, I have two different worlds where I'm either like in dad mode or Barstool world. And that essentially equates to four lives. So I'm either, I'm either like paying for my kids and shit like at my house when I have them. Yeah. Or I'm, I'm, I'm funding a lot of stuff when they're back

at home with their mom and then when i'm like in dad mode i have certain things that i need to buy and use and do as a dad but then there are things i do for a barstool that's like i need to go to this event or do this thing for for content and for conversation and just to keep young and all that shit so it's like dad, single dad, young kids, their house, my house. And I'm like, this is four.

I'm funding like four different things. It's like if I, if I was just, I can't even imagine just being like, it's just me. Yeah. I have one apartment that I pay for. I have one mouth that I feed.

I have. Yeah. It rules. You must be. Oh, it fucking rules bro you know what i did before i came here played spider-man 2 on ps5 that's what the fuck i did dude about spider-man 2 on ps5 if i could sit there i don't and do i don't think i would stop playing it's so

good i think i would play like and and so i i have a uh six-year-old son who's into it and very good at it and so we like marked on the calendar and everything it was actually a great fucking it was like a i had a cheat code where i told him he was he was acting up with with uh with his teachers and stuff and i said if you do this again you're not getting spider-man too and i told him i said all was was like, you just have to be nice. He wasn't doing anything crazy. He just wasn't being polite. Yeah, don't get your grades up and all that shit.

Just be a nice boy. Yes. And I said, you have one strike and that's it. And he was like, come on. He was like, I just think that's very few strikes. I think I'm going to do it. I think I'm going to, I think I'm going to do it. Like,

I think I'm going to lose, you know? And I was like, I'm just asking you to be a nice person. That's it. And he was like, he was still down. He was like,

I just, I think I'm not going to get it. And, and then every time he was doing something, it was like a, like a trained dog. I would just say, be a good boy.

And I could see in his head, he meant like good boy equals Spider-Man two. And he would put the thing down or he would stop saying it or whatever but then we get the game and he wants to play it of course yeah and i'm like he's the kid he gets to play it of course but i'm like i want to fucking play it you know well don't you have two profiles don't you yes but but like yes i have two different games going but when we're together like he's playing some other shit. And I'm like, all right, let me play Spider-Man 2 while he's doing that as soon as I turn it on. Hey, give me that.

I want to play that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I swear, man, if I – when I was younger and single, I played video games when I was a kid. Yeah. And I stopped and now I'm getting back into it. Yeah. If I was like 25 and single, I think my eyeballs would be bleeding. Dude.

I think I'd be playing video games all day long that was one thing i try i had this like lapse in playing video games when i was in like my early 20s like i would say like around like 19 to 21 i started traveling i didn't have a console i was i so i was like i'm not gonna play games anymore yeah and then i i bought i had this like little laptop and i downloaded an emulator and started playing like 8-bit like fucking super nintendo games and shit and i was like i never want to stop doing this i love this shit so much it brings me so much joy me my buddy stream we're playing balder's gate 3 right now we're like deep into it all the little moments we have all like hanging out talking with the boys sometimes me and my boys hang out just playing

cod shooting the shit fortnite whatever it's so fucking fun my buddy crashed with me we were partying and like one day we were so hungover i was like do you want to do anything he's like let's just play fortnight and we just laid in my place played fortnight ordered food in it was so fucking good it was so good dude i i uh that to me i i don't have any other friends that like are doing it but i would love to get into i i play spider-man 2 i haven't done any like the uh call of duty shit where you're like on the headsets but i would i feel like that's a good way to to to stay with the homies oh it's great getting older so great like you're not gonna be able to go to the bar you know a few and far between with like

a bachelor party or something where you get together maybe some golf weekends if you do that but if it can be like you know every night when the kids are in bed we sneak away and drop the headset on i don't know he's so gay see i i know you think that but i i think that the tide has totally oh i'm i'm in the minority but like if my buddies are like you guys want to talk and play video games? That's the last thing I want to do. Did you grow up with any of that? I actually stopped when my friends started doing it. Oh, really?

They would play SOCOM Navy SEALs, and I was just like, I don't want to do this, guys. Oh, damn. Well, they probably took it too seriously, right? Like, I don't ever want to be the guy being like, I'm on your last turn. Over here, yeah, yeah, yeah. At least do this an upgrade to that like i just want to you know play fucking like street fighter when i beat you but you suck yeah that's it that's as deep as we go yeah yeah the i i've tried video games they're just too hard it's just almost like we were saying earlier with like your inability to get a ground ball

or stick handle like yeah i i i i will occasionally go back and try and I just, I can't, I don't have the ability. I, I think it's just, it's like everything I'm bad at. It's gay. If I don't do it,

it's gay. That's a great argument. It's hard to follow that argument, dude. It's called a, uh, what do you call it? Defense mechanism?

Defense mechanism. Yeah. I suck at it. Gay. I'm immediately gay. Doing all that gay stuff. There's no... Millions and millions and millions of people play Spider-Man 2.

He's like, it's gay. I'd be like, fuck. You win. You win. There's no argument there. God damn it. Spider-Man is inherently a little bit gay. That's for certain.

No, there are moments where I'm like, yeah, this is gay as shit. This isn't gay as shit. It's for kids. But most of the things I like are actually gay. My man's at Broadway every other night. No way. You're a Broadway guy? Oh, yeah.

Oh, you can't. Dude, I go to Broadway like every week, man. Really? I have twice in the last two weeks where I say that. So you're all up on this Ariana Grande drama, right? Not really. I'm aware. I'm not so much the SpongeBob guy.

John's a higher value. I know she's dating like a SpongeBob guy. So the story I heard was that she was doing the Wicked movie. Yes, yes, yes. And then it was on set. Her co-star, they started to get close. And then they started hooking up and fucking. He was married. And I got the inside scoop.

Not only was he married, he was married to his high school sweetheart. And then came out to her and was like, yo, I came out. I'm a star. Her quote was something like, he fell in love with the good life The fancy life I think he was immediately like I'm famous, fuck you, I'm out And then I wanted to be like

Dude, have you looked in the mirror? Because you're not going any higher than this That guy is a weird looking cat I forgot about the Wicked movie He is currently Spongebob on Broadway Oh, he's currently Yes, I forgot about that But that sounds about right I'm sure spongebob does well because but like

and you're not gonna be i know it's not the right answer i know this isn't the correct thing to say i know it's morally wrong but you're married your high school sweetheart you've been with her forever this may be the only person you've ever fucked ariana level up wants to suck your dick dude take the shot, man. You think when he's an old dude and he's talking to his kids, like, Dad, why do you cheat on Mom? He's like, it was fucking Ariana Grande, bro. Biggest pop star in the world.

I want to suck my dick, dude. This was never going to happen again. Bro, I was SpongeBob. Yeah. I was fucking SpongeBob. I was fucking SpongeBob. How strong of a man do you think I am? It was SpongeBob. Yeah. I was fucking SpongeBob. I was fucking SpongeBob. You think, like, what? You think I'm fucking, how strong of a man do you think I am?

There needs to be some sort of agreement that, like, if you get married as one thing and then you level the fuck up, it's like, either way, either direction. It's got to be like, listen, we both know if I had this beforehand, I never would have. So you know it. I know it. Let's just fucking call a spade a spade. Yeah, man. I was actually reading like a Reddit thing the other day. Like someone lost like 50 pounds.

Yeah. And that's another one. Their significant other doesn't isn't as affectionate with them anymore After they lost? Oh wait no no no I'm sorry here's what it was They are more affectionate now And that person is thinking like Oh they didn't even love me

And I was reading just a bunch of stuff That's not fair It's not fair but like It's true but it's also true like And obviously I don't have any inside knowledge Of the situation, but like with situations like that where it's like, well, I'm more affectionate because you like you more. Yeah, you're probably just a happier person. You're a happier person. Yeah, you're right.

I am more affectionate now, but like – and it goes both ways. I'm definitely more attracted to you now, but also like – I was just thinking what would my argument be if I was the other side yeah well you're fucking being sexier you're happier you're more confident like i'm more attracted to that i think part of it too is it's almost like fucking a new person yeah totally you've been fucking the same person for so long they lose 50 pounds that's like a new shape new body all this stuff it's like almost like cheating. Get this. I know a guy, a couple, big fans of our show. He lost 100 pounds.

She jumped on the weight loss journey. She lost, I think, not 100, but a lot herself. And they both got skinny and hot, started an OnlyFans, started fucking for money. And they're like, we have more money than ever now we're healthier skinnier yeah like talk about a life

change it's like yeah you know we were fat and like you know had shitty jobs and like kind of mediocre lives and now we're like borderline porn stars yeah and it's like, I think, I'm assuming they're doing it like anonymously. Yeah. And so it's not like you are. So yeah, you're making money. You're fucking. The OnlyFans thing is wild. How much income you can bring in.

OnlyFans, I think, I saw something. It was the second most visited site in America just under Amazon. Jeez. It's like the amount of traffic. Christ. I was wondering. I thought they might have had like a little bubble burst

because in the beginning it was like nuts. It was crazy. But I think they still have like big stars and I know they're trying to go more legit right now because they're doing like

a lot of stuff that's outside of OnlyFans like fucking comics, race car stuff, fighters, things that are kind of like subculture. Whitney's doing a bunch

with them, right? And then I saw Riley Reid is starting, she she's a cooking show cooking yeah the cooking competition show with like a bunch of porn stars like yeah yeah it's like i think it's just for one it's just normalizing all that stuff way more like all it is is a paywall it's just the technology to have things that are paid and unpaid exactly and it's given a direct line from hotness to cash. Before, if you were a hot chick, you build your whatever, your Instagram,

and then you get a brand deal with Skinny T, and you do this stuff. Now it's just like pussy, hot, line. There's no fucking anything. It's just I can pay you to be hot. That's it. I saw Karen Fee in the other day. Karen Fee, and she said on stage, maybe we can bleep it. I don't think she cares. She said she made 900 grand last year.

Damn. Good for her. I mean, her body is rocking. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't a private conversation, so I imagine it's okay to say, but like... I mean, I'm sure she posted it. No, she talked about...

Oh, on stage. I was at the show. And she talks about her OF quite frequently. So yeah, I don't think she... If anything, people, she's going to be pumped that this drives traffic over to the OF quite frequently. So yeah, I don't think she... If anything, people... She's going to be pumped that this drives traffic over to the OF, dude. Dude, that's got to be so great. I think girls who don't do it because of the stigma,

I would imagine 100% of them who at first didn't want to because of the stigma as soon as the money rolls in are like, I should have done this earlier. Changes the perspective. I have not heard of one person who's been like, I was making $900, 900 grand a year, but I decided not to because it's a little bit risque. They're all just like, I told my family. Either it's still anonymous or I told everybody and it was a little awkward, but now I'm fucking living my dream life. It's not just being like I'm rich. It's like I'm traveling the world. I'm doing everything I never could do.

I was, you know, I was trying, I was scratching and clawing in the comedy game. And now I can just like do my passion while paying my bills. She's rocking all sorts of designer gear. I sort of have a couple of jokes about like the dresses, shoes, wearing are expensive. Like I could, you know, like have an awesome life and maybe a couple awkward conversations or like just float through life.

And what's the, like the logic loop on it. It's like, okay, well it's wrong. It's immoral or whatever it is. It's like, but we're all consuming it.

Who do you know who isn't watching porn? If you meet somebody who says, I don't watch porn. That's weird. That's like, but we're all consuming it. Who do you know who isn't watching porn? If you meet someone who says, I don't watch porn, that's weird. That's a weird thing. And so then the people who are providing the porn,

we want to consume it. We don't want anyone to provide it. Someone's got to do it. Someone's got to do it. No, I'm going to defend that. I still look down on farmers. Those dumb fucks.

You're a fucking farmer, dude. That's a shitty job That sucks dude Hanging around with cow shit all day What you fuck goats Is that why you became a farmer Anyone who provides an essential service to me I look down upon Yeah nurses

Farmers Doctors Truck drivers Oh shit First responders Fuck them I'm almost positive I know your answer Fuck drivers. Oh, shit, dude. First responders. Fuck them. I'm almost positive I know your answer,

but you would date a full-blown OnlyFans girl? Probably not, but that's... But that's the other side of it. I say all this, and I am... But that's not even embarrassing or anything. That's just insecurity. Yeah, I was going to say, it's my own shit. It's like, I don't think it's immoral. I don't think down upon you.

There would just be a part of me every night that's like, I wish this was the case. I guess I would. It depends on the situation, I think. Yeah. But if it was full-blown, I'd get fucked. Oh, no. I don't think I'm one of those old-school types. I don't think I'd be okay with my age.

What about masturbation? Oh, yeah. I know. You're in on it. Oh, shit. I don't think – I'm one of those old school types. I don't think I'd be okay with money. What about like masturbation? Oh, yeah. You're in on it. It's just your dream. It's like I prefer – I would love to be a cuck. Let's go. I'd be too – I'd be very emasculated. I'd be like, she's the breadwinner.

Either way, you're, like, masturbating on – I'm not doing, like, you can, like, fuck other dudes. I don't know if I could do the full, like, you're fucking other dudes. Like, I would need to have a conversation and, like, it would depend on the person and all these other factors would factor in. I think I would probably end on the person and all these other factors would factor in i think i would probably end on yes you know what i hate to admit is if it was if you're just fucking other people it would it might come down to for me is do people know that or not like i could probably personally talk myself into like i think monogamy is a little bit of a archaic structure and i get that you know as long as you still love me and blah blah blah, but if all my boys know and they're like, yo,

your girl's getting fucking... That would probably be the deal breaker for me. Which again is insecure as fuck and I wish it wasn't the case. It's the outside perspective coming in. That's what most people are afraid of. It's not their own perspective on whatever the subject is. It's they're afraid of what people are going to say about it.

Intellectually, I'm okay with it yeah yeah emotionally yeah yeah real life i saw as go ahead finish what you're gonna say no no that was pretty much it i saw a stat if you will uh i think it's a two out of every five i think it was 40 percent of like this study said that um marriage has outgrown its usefulness yeah which is a fucking gangster way to put it like this fucking institution just does nothing for us it's all it's like younger well it is like it's kind of what we were saying earlier we're like we said before like i heard somewhere we're like that the nine to five work day was invented when someone else was taking care of the home. Yeah.

Where like that was their – one person's job. One person's job was to make money. And then when you got home from 9 to 5, everything you had to do that day was done already. Yeah. Now that's gone. Now everyone works 9 to 5. Everyone has to clean the house. Everyone's got to cook dinner.

Everyone's got to blah, blah, blah. So you have no time for anything. And even in like a marriage, you're not – I think probably the guys still get the good end of the stick where most of the child rearing is done by the women. Yeah. But it's still – everyone's doing every job. Yeah. The usefulness of it where it's like, all right, we'll have this huge undertaking of raising a child. We'll split the duties. Right.

I get money. You get the kid. Both are going to work. Both are doing that. And I think probably traditionally the guy does less work when it comes to the kids yeah but it is still like someone's doing everything yeah no it's it's a why sauce is it does not work back you don't have one that it really is like we got two really is that you have two parents who are like you and the worst part is anytime you succeed and dive into things at work, it ruins things more at home.

Oh, yeah. And anytime you're doing better at home, your boss is like, what the fuck is going on? Exactly. It's the most impossible balance. Part of the American shit we were talking about earlier where it's like work, work, work, work, work, where I think if you have a more European structure where people are working less, you're not going to have that same issue. The things are going to rub up against each other as much. I did see a statistic where someone was saying, like, whatever, like 50% to 60% of marriages fail. And they were like, if that was like a car or like a product, it would be considered criminal negligence.

Never do that again. You would not be allowed to. You want to engage in this thing that there's a coin flip chance that it ruins your life you know and also when people bring up other stuff like polyamory or alternatives to monogamy they bring up all these issues where it's like yeah you're not going to have any institution that lives that doesn't have issues and it also doesn't mean that you can't be monogamous if other people are exploring this thing like do whatever the fuck you want just let people do whatever the fuck they want and don't have like some weird judgment towards it it is it is a little bit weird how how much it's been adopted by like everybody when yeah like we're all horny physiologically like

biologically everything is saying the opposite of that all trying to fuck all the time dude i mean i i think i go back to when it was a fucking dowry and shit where it was like, I'm trying to get some cattle. So I'm going to you guys are going to get married. So, you know, I'm going to trade you for fucking cattle. And that's why this marriage is happening now. Let's get back to that. I'll have some daughters. Oh, I can't even imagine having a daughter now.

The fact that like, let's say I'm sure they were doing it when they were like 15. So like a few years from now, I would be would be like all right she's a pretty good one she's very smart she's just you know great in gymnastics yeah really good dancer really smart kid in school you gotta give me like eight or nine cows for that that's nuts dude bargaining with another dad come on four cows honey do a back split into a split do that right now fucking that you think that's worth four cows get fucked dude crazy man i i feel like you've done a good job of uh i mean you're you're you know you're a deviant pervert like the rest of us um but you do it in a you're like the people's pervert yeah like the internet's pervert well i try i everything i try to do is like without shame that's like i'm not if i'm reacting to an of girl or whatever this is i'm never trying

to shit on them and bring them down that's i never want to do that because that's not my perspective on this like we just spoke about very supportive of you doing whatever the fuck you want with your pussy in your body or making porn or doing any of that stuff. And also, I think sex is like, there's so much shame

surrounding it. I always thought this was ridiculous how much shame there is around sex versus how much it's a part of everything. Like, we need it.

It's like the reason why the world spins. Exactly. It's our motivator to meet people, to date, to get married, to earn.

It's in media. It sells beer. Like, titties and fucking and married, to earn. It's in media. It sells beer. Like titties and fucking and all this stuff is plastered all over everything. And yet when we want to express our desire for it, it's, oh, that's shameful. Yeah, it's like crazy. That just seems that anything that's absurd I find funny and I find that very absurd. So digging that out, yeah, I'm just like you can be like yeah someone's hot someone's without being like a complete pervert about it like there was one a video i did the other day

that i was like every now and i do one like i have to make content every day so not everyone's gonna be home run and every time i do something i'm like this is the fucking home run there was this girl uh there's this thing called the fan bus and they post like interviews with these girls this oh yeah oh yeah so this girl did one where she was like they go what's your sexual fantasy and she goes oh my sexual fantasy is i want to be locked in a room with my boyfriend his three brothers his dad his uncle his other uncle and it like keeps going and then it cuts to me and i'm just standing there with my shirt off and i'm like it's just nice that we can all get together like this. Family reunion.

Family reunion. The easy approach is everyone's going to be like, she's for the streets, blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah. For one, like, softballist approach ever to reacting to this. Like, the joke in there and the absurdity of what's going on is like, yeah, it's hard to get all your family members together. So that's just a nice thing. Yeah, we're all fucking this girl. I haven't seen you since grandma's funeral exactly but it's like at least we can hang out who cares we're all fucking this girl i'll see your dick man i haven't

seen you in years dude you have become like the i guess you're you're you're the ghost that haunts my dreams we're like bro every internet video i see now where there's a hot girl doing something, I'll pause and I'm like, Chase is going to pop up. I'm going to close my eyes and I'm going to hear, follow me, you fucking idiots. I know it's coming. Some chick doing a split at the gym. I'm like, oh, hang on a second. This isn't video games.

And then like and most of the time that you don't pop up yeah but i'm just too scared to get horny thinking you might pop up and then your mug is there so many people say that to me and i fucking love that i love that's branding baby you know i mean oh it's working it's like ptsd with like seeing the hot shit like you're at a strip club Jay here is Jay He's gonna catch me right now Every time I get horny I'm like fucking Jay's coming Dude if I see like a

Like a semi fat pussy it's gonna be Jay Not every hot girl but it's definitely Types of things oh yeah You got that weird thing where you can see through your dress And I can see the flaps and the shadow Jay love it love those That trend was hot just the fucking hanging lips

tiktok never snagged that one too i think because it was like there's like it was just on the border like yeah silhouettes those are fine dude you had an instagram the other day um i'm your co-host i forget her name um uh fucking uh michelle sorry you're melissa sorry i'm the co-host of your show i call her chunky but like because her name on social used to be called used to be chunky so in my head i call her chunky all the time but then i forget her real name very clearly you do yes dude the the clip was she was talking about getting a task rabbit yeah and oh i heard i didn't he wanted to piss on her and she didn't he was like never mind this is gross it's so fucking funny yeah i don't think i realized that was like a regular person yeah crazy porn star that's your co oh yeah yeah i'd like that melissa's done some

deviant shit i'm just like thinking of someone being like this is what turns me on this is exactly what makes me horny and you do it and they're just like never not with you though well have you ever fetishized something you see something and you're like i want to do it in practice and you're practicing oh it's not yeah it in practice, and you do it in practice, and it's just not the same? Yeah, totally. I mean, there's a lot of stuff like that. I mean, any time, first time you come on a girl's face, you're like, oh, well, now this is a mess, and I kind of feel like I did something very rude.

Yeah, dude. Shane has that amazing joke about it. Dude, the punchline of that joke, I think about it all the time. He's like, you come on her face, and you've got to treat her like a toddler that fell over. It's like, come on, get up. You're all like a toddler that fell over it's like come on get up you're all right you're all right yeah yeah all that stuff like anal is you know does not go as smoothly as it does in porn and you can have some moments where it's never done anything for me it's never like i've done it multiple times it's never like oh like uh doesn't

turn me on more i the pussy's right there you're literally like if she's in missionary position you put it in her butt you're looking at this gorgeous pussy and you're just avoiding it like what the fuck are we doing well i also love the the another good joke is uh kumail's joke about he doesn't like anal and porn because you can't see the asshole because it's getting fucked yeah and so he's just like back it just goes in the back and you're like that's weird straight back i i there there's definitely the the worst thing is like uh failed anal you know what i mean like like if a girl or a guy can like if they like it and they can take it and it's just like the same thing in a different hole whatever but when it's like

you know she's like crying and it's like no no stop like it hurts too much and people want to do that that's crazy to me I'm going to put it in the hole that works especially if you're the one who's pitching it I never pitch it I've never been if you do all about it but I you just don never pitch it. Never. I've never been. Never, never, never. If you do, all about it.

But you just don't know what people are going through. Yeah. Like, you know, and then it's like you ask for it and they have to say no. And then it's like now they feel like they've disappointed you. And it's really only because they have like a full stomach and a fucking. I just had Raisin Bran today. We're like, I turned down sex. Not involving my butthole at all.

And I'm like, I'm a little full right now. That's just going to be regular sex. I'm just going to use my penis as it's supposed to. And I'm like, I got a bit of a tummy ache. Dude, I love the concept of you don't know what someone's going through. And it's like, you're like, yo, you want to do anal? And they're like, you you know this war going on really you got some issues with my mom right now

god damn no no anal when there's you know hamas issues yeah dude i can't have you watched the news i can't do anal right now bro dude the there really is i think what you said about No shame is what Not having shame is what makes you Makes it like you're not It's not Somehow it's not weird when you're I don't feel bad about what I'm saying And it's like there's obviously some things I have a shame about

But when it comes to sex There's very few things sexually I have shame about Because it's like yeah we're all You're shaming me from a position of being like like it's like say if you uh a quarterback misses a pass or like fucking an athlete doesn't do something you go this fucking idiot it's like you couldn't even do that yeah and so you shaming me from a position of where like if i was like i'm horny about this go like oh what you're like dude you're horny too yeah you have your own let me look at your fucking porn that you watch let me see what videos you're jerking off to right now and i know there's

some fucking weird shit i know there is dude have you have you uh i i've been saying recently that i have watched so much less porn yeah than in you know when i was 20 whatever whatever. It's like phased out of my life almost. Ukraine. What are you going to do? Ukraine. Ukraine. I'm too sad, man. I can't be watching war.

They turned their internet off, man. What, I'm going to be jerking off? He's like, if Wagner Industries had made it through, maybe something would have changed. That's a funny concept, too, thinking about. What's Elon's thing called? Starlink or whatever he offers them internet? The thought that there was some

war-torn families and they get internet and the first thing someone does is watch porn is very funny. It's a teenage kid who's hiding in a bunker and he's like, I'll be back in five minutes. I got a signal from Elon. My porn consumption has dropped a lot.

I don't like to watch it too much. I think it's anything like sugar or fucking booze or anything. Oh, you've got the self-control. Yeah, it's like I'm just trying not to. Yeah. John ate a cookie yesterday that was so good, he preserved it like every little bite. I don't want it to be done

really just a bite and then put it down like 11 hours like midnight last night dude that's fucking crazy man if you there's like when it comes food's a bad one for me we're like if i start gorging it's like dude i'll order a whole thing of cookies and just fucking eat them like they're nothing yeah dude i i whole dessert stomach, like second stomach. Yeah. I got that shit big time. What's your go-to? What's your thing that –

Donuts are my favorite thing in the world. But right now, I've been eating ice cream at an alarming rate. Nice. Like a pint a night. Just like nonsense. Nice. Yeah. All I want to do is play Spider-Man 2 and eat ice cream

actually what sucks is I have to put down the sticks to eat ice cream to eat anything it's like I'm really hungry

I can't wait to have some snacks and play video games and those they can't happen at the same time the cut scene happens and I just start yeah yeah yeah shoveling it in

trying to get it in more of the cinematic ends yeah man dude what's your is your thing cookies is that your big thing dude I'm anything dude he's anything I'm just shoveling it in. Trying to get it in more of the cinematic ends. Yeah, man. Dude, what's your thing? Cookies? Is that your big thing?

Dude, I'm anything. Dude, he's anything. I'm anything. Well, I would say, though, your thing is candy. Candy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Sour Patch Kids. Okay, yeah, that's good. In my fridge, they joke about single guy's fridge.

My fridge is mostly candy. Really? Yeah. Holy shit. I keep all my candy in the fridge. Yeah. Bro, if you open my fridge, I can right now. You don't even need to put candy in the fridge. Bro, if you open my fridge, I can right now. I don't even need to put candy in the fridge.

No, it's better. Oh, is it? Yeah. If you open my fridge right now, like the door, it's Unreal Peanut Butter Cups, Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids, Junior Mints, Your Reppin' Patties, Andy's Mints, Dark Chocolate Caramels with Sea Salt on them. Holy shit. Peanut Butter and Jelly are also on that shelf. Nerds Clusters. The cookie dough peanut butter bites.

Cookie dough bites from the movie theater. Peanut butter M&M's. I think that's it. I think that's it. Whoa. Holy shit. That's just like, I just keep it right. When a fridge door opens That top shelf

Is just full of candy And you just Grab and go Grab and go man Sleep eating The whole nine And peanut butter and jelly So you eat peanut butter and jelly

On a tortilla On a tortilla Are you doing like Every night now You can't go to bed Unless you have Yeah The tortilla is a nice touch

The tortilla is Yeah A little classier Yeah Than the Wonder Bread I mean the Wonder Bread Is still king Like that Che chewy soft bread.

There's a coffee shop close to my place that used to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and just have them there. And I would go all the time, and they would always be sold out. And I would always be like, yo, can I get one? I always said, like, instead of, you go to an airport, and they have the kiosks, and they have, like, egg salad. It's like, fuck off. The most perishable thing on the fucking earth. Dude.

Get out of here. If they had PBJs on the run. Even just like a you know cutting the triangles like together like a little duo

wrapped up like bam bam I would pay. That's what I do. I'm a Lunchables guy. Oh yeah? I'm a huge Lunchables. You're like the

branded Lunchables. Branded Lunchables. Wow. At basically every airport every rest stop. Usually Turkey and Swiss or something like that. I didn't even know there was different ones. I thought it was just Lunchables. Branded Lunchables. Wow. Again, at basically every airport, every rest stop. Usually Turkey and Swiss or something like that. I didn't even know there was different ones. I thought it was just Lunchables.

No, come on, bro. No, but there's like you can get bologna, you can get ham, you can get – Oh, okay. Oh, you didn't know this? No, I didn't know. Yeah, I've never eaten a Lunchable. Never? Never.

No, no, I wasn't a Lunchable kid. Where are you from? I'm Canada. Canada. We had Lunchables. We had Lunchables, yeah. But no, I was never a Lunchable kid. My mom was like very anti-Lunchables, Gushers, Fruit by the Foot.

Bro, that's why I'm into that. Yeah, because you grew up on that shit. No, because I grew up because I couldn't. Oh, so then you got into it. Oh, Gushers, yeah, right. Those would not be letting the house. Dude, yeah, my mom was anti all that shit. Branded cereal, none of that shit.

Vector was as crazy as it got because it was like a sports cereal. But on Christmas, we got Captain Crunch. It's like just as garbage. On Christmas, you got Captain Crunch? On Christmas, we got Captain Crunch. With the red berries, right? They do the Christmas. We would just get Classic.

Classic. Big box of Classic. They do the red and green berries. That is one of the sadder things I've ever heard. Dude, what was sad was when I was a kid, I don't know if you guys had this. Did you have cream of wheat? It was like – I know of it. My grandfather ate it, not a child.

So my dad would whip up cream of wheat, but he made it so good. He would like boil the milk and like mix it with butter and all this shit. And I really liked it. And then when my parents got older, like actually this cream of wheat stuff isn't good for you like it's like so much fat so much cream so much butter in it and so they got on oatmeal and so they took me off of cream of wheat and put me on oatmeal as like a fucking i don't know 10 year old kid and i was like this is fucked this is child abuse you're fucking feeding me this garbage bro oats my grandfather had the fucking oatmeal and he would do it where he would, like, drizzle his own.

Like, he had, like, the old school, you know, like, the honey-made graham cracker box? Yeah, the stick. The stick with the, like, ball and the lines in it. Yeah, yeah, he would have that, and he would drizzle it over it, and that was fucking. That was fire. Put some raisins in there, too. Dude, having one of those sticks and using it is crazy. Yeah.

You gotta be, like, a beekeeper if you have that if you're doing that you like you like rhubarb you like butterscotch some like old people flavors or those original yeah dude dude i had everything in my house anything like it was anything goes in my place yeah your parents didn't give a fuck no you only and only one kid had had better than me. He had, at his house, glass Snapple jars. Oh, damn. Having Snapple in your home, to me, when I was growing up, I still think that's pretty, like, whoa. The only time I've ever had those is in a big glass refrigerator

in a deli. You open that shit up. To have that just in your fridge. You had Arizona. He was a very good iced tea house but they had he had snacks on snacks but we had soda donuts cookies brownies like anything you want i got it dude if i had a kid one of my motivations like i don't want a kid but if i did would be like to raise him almost like a like a science project like i'm like dude grass-fed beef we're fucking yeah you say that dude dude it's too hard it's so hard i said when i had a

dog i was like i'm gonna i'm not gonna give it treats yeah because then they're not gonna even know the difference and i'm gonna make sure they're healthy and then it's like uh here's a fucking stick of peanut butter oh my god and the same thing with the is like, you think like if you don't introduce them to it, they don't know. Yeah. But there's something inherently too. It's like they're crying. And if they get a little like sugar or a little comfort,

it will stop. Yeah. You will be good. So here you fucking go. And they have friends. It's on TV. Like they will find out. Like I would need to like take them to some compound of concrete walls.

Like eat the broccoli. Then he becomes a psychopath. He's like, Oh, what was this all for? Yeah. to like take them to some compound of concrete walls to like pull this shit off like a broccoli then he becomes a psychopath he's like oh what was this all for yeah it's like you could have just given the kid a chocolate bar i was just trying to make you great dude eating people ah fucking failed let's get a new one in here well i don't know man whatever they did with you it seems to be working out yeah no no no they did a good job a little pervy like i said but otherwise very successful. Exactly. Like they could have the like.

And that's the thing. It's like my parents were like very anti-porn, very anti. Like that. I think part of it is like there was so much restriction on anything with that. Like my mom found a condom in my room and screamed at me like no sex had nothing. Better than finding no condom. Exactly. You know, I didn't raw dog her ma.

But I got exposed to porn through my friend, my friend Sam Lateef. We went on his computer and he was like, my brother has all these videos. And we just started watching like Bang Bus and all this shit. That was your villain origin story. Oh, dude. It was like, I still remember it. I remember just being like, it was like being on a heroin drip. Dude, I was going to say, it's like, you ever hear that story DMX told where he was like 14 and they smoked a blunt?

No. Somebody laced it with crack and he said it was like the, it was a very sad story. Yeah. He was like, I didn't know that and it hooked me forever. That was you, man. That was your dad. It was. You had that early exposure.

When he turned it off and was like, yo, let's go play hockey. I would not. All I could think about was that. I thought about it for like a week straight before I watched it at home there was we I will never forget this because I couldn't even believe it was a real title my this is back when porn dvds were like you know thing and I don't know why my buddy got this how where what when were why the title was fuck you ass whores volume five fuck you ass fuck you ass whores volume five and you know it would be like let's like you know your parents

are out let's get in your basement and watch it yeah and then like you'd be like okay let's go like let's go with basketball yeah and there were you know some guys in the crew who were like no more yeah you know like he was like all, come on. All right, come on. Fuck you, Astros Volume 5. We've watched like 40 minutes of it. We're good. Let's go play Home Run Derby. More.

I was like, oh, yeah, this is going to be a problem for you, dude. Dude, it's like, I don't know. It was so good. I swear to God, it felt like we watched it for like three hours, and then I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop. It was i couldn't stop it was my motivator for everything and then i got home this day oh dude to this day bro even when i watch porn now because i was so not allowed to watch porn as like a teen i get this like giddiness i get this

like i'm not supposed to do this yeah it still feels good that awesome. You can't get that back. I know. I know, right? It makes me feel like a kid again. All right, dude. Good shit. So you're at the Wilbur? Yes, I'm at the Wilbur. That's the fucking big one coming up. That's the spot.

Yeah, I'm at the Wilbur January 12th. So that's going to be my biggest show to date. Very excited for it, man. Wilbur's a very cool spot. Dude, yeah. A lot of history. Yeah. Looks good. Sounds good. The Boston crowd's always good boston rules man like like they're great comedy city great fans

they're fucking they got a right right amount of like dirtiness to them i'm like yeah it's it's gonna be a banger it's gonna be a banger we're already like halfway sold out oh hell yeah so yeah so fucking grab tickets we can't that's at uh chain arena. So, yeah. So, fucking grab tickets. We can't. That's at Shaderina.com? Shaderina.com for all ticket links. Follow them, you fucking idiots. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, dude.

Thank you, boys. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.