KFC Radio - We Have an Update from The Boston Strangler Ft. Josh Wolf

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 00:37 John feels that working out is the same as sitting on a couch 05:12 Tik Tok Ban 09:46 P****ile Island 15:51 Voicemails: People you'd follow into battle, vote for, both or neither 27:56 Voicemail: Street Names 30:50 Girth Master 37:00 Boston Strangler Voicemail Update 53:50 Josh Wolf Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Betterhelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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There's a link in the description below. Click that, subscribe, and then come back and catch the full episode. Thank you. it's another edition of ksc radio on the barstool sports network you know what i was thinking about last night i don't know if i'm gonna even want to leave this in i'm trying to think if this makes sense it was i was i was replaying the episode and it was something we were talking about like my liver and shit like that and and you said something like it's good how often you work out or it's impressive whatever i don't know like you do something like that yeah and i was thinking about that and it's not at all it true but let

me finish let me finish because it makes it's just what i want to do. So I'm just being selfish and just doing what I want to do. If I started doing heroin or if I started murdering people, that would be impressive. That's something I have no interest in. Yes. So I guess what I should say is it's – That's why I think all those guys, all the fucking motivational guys, you got to get up and grind. No, you don't.

You're doing what you want to do. You want to. It's hard to do something you don't want to do. Correct. I think what it is is it is impressive that that's what you desire. I guess impressive is not the word either because it's just like this is just the way i am but in a world where it's i think a lot easier and more fun to lay on a couch and eat a donut that's fun too yeah but it's more fun for you that's all i'm

doing i'm laying on a couch and eating a donut kevin in my head that's but that's so that's first of all that's fuck like fuck you that is incredible this is kind of like you know in a obscure let me feel bad for sure it's like with serial killers like we're taking away their hobby he's just having a good time honestly he was he wishes he was born'd like to sit on the couch and eat a donut. He likes fucking decapitated corpses. He happens to be eating the people instead. I guess it's – there's no way you like working out the same level that you like the things you really like i think i do yeah yeah i think i don't i think i always fuck you man that's like the people that's like being like i

you know i love the taste of salad or some shit like that we're just like okay then yeah i actually do like salad when i go home from ireland is the first thing i did come over salad hell yeah yeah salads are fire good But yet, it's still like I don't want to eat a salad every night for dinner. No, no, no. But every time I eat a salad, I'm like, this is fire. Yeah, dude. Salads are good now. That's why they charge $100 for one.

Yeah. But when I get a salad delivered, it's $46. I know. But you probably add a fuck ton. No. Sometimes I'll add like a smoothie. But I mean the ingredients. No.

No? Maybe I double the protein sometimes, but I don't think so. I think I just get a standard salad. It's $46 a portion. That cannot be. Yeah. You must be like salmon, chicken, and steak or some shit like that. No.

I know. I just get chicken. Maybe I double the chicken, but I think I pretty rarely double it. $46. I get that. They charge like a chopping fee. They charge extra dressing, extra meat. Yeah, the salad itself is $20.45.

And then when I go to view order. Are you ordering like the Mexican goddess or you're you're doing this this you're making yourself I have to order this to figure out what the total is no I'm sorry I'm sorry I it's not 46 it's 3463 still yeah that was strict salad just a salad that's crazy

because I think I went to the store the other day and I bought like three hearts of romaine, some – You're making your own salad. Yeah, and it's probably – I added a lot. It's probably like $30 for all the ingredients that I could make like 20. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I chop it all up and I put the lettuce in a metal, aluminum-type bowl. And it stays cold as fuck.

I put that in the fridge. And I just grab handfuls and it just stays nice and chilly in there. I want to go inside of it and live in there. It feels refreshing. Are you upset about TikTok? Being banned? Yeah. What's going on with that?

Is it actually? I think so. I don't much mind. We're not going to be able to go on it? But here's the thing with the TikTok thing. Yeah, I heard that it wasn't really there. First of all, I hope it gets banned. Fuck all you guys.

Easy to say when you're not on it, right? Yeah. It's like when I didn't watch, what's the other show that just came out recently that everyone loved loved loved and then hated at the end um oh it's the dynasty i never watched the dynasty and i was like good i never even put my heels fucking yes yes but it makes a lot of sense why you would ban tiktok why is that well it's just it's a standard national law like like you can't there's no russian television stations there's no russian like like every like first world country thing has laws that like you can't have tv channels other countries can't have tv channels they can't have radio stations like you don't think fucking russian state tv wants to just buy an american state channel yeah you can't have those that this is a chinese media i mean i also just like not even for that

purpose i like when we're listening to these voicemails i can't pay like i want to speed it up like i can just tell that it's ruining that i can't even like sit on tiktok anymore because i just my attention span is too short i'm like this is even like your attention span is too short for tiktok you got a problem girl yeah i probably have like fucking problem girl i can't do it anymore and so sometimes like i even just like reels because i'll just like go on the for you like just like kind of click around i don't know i just it's probably for the best it i mean just like again it's easy for me to say since i don't have it and don't like it. But, like, the logic of it is sound. Restrict new downloads of the app and interaction with its content.

TikTok would be prohibited from the U.S. App Store. Like, I think it's, as I understand it, it's a law that every modern society, every major country has. Like, there's no American. You can't watch NBC when I'm in Ireland. You can't have American channels over there. Countries don't let other countries put media into their country. The bill that Biden signed gives Chinese TikTok parent ByteDance, which is funny because you know that was probably the first name.

It's short dances. It's tiny dances. Let's call it ByteDance. Let's call it TikTok. 270 days to sell TikTok. Failure to do so would lead to significant consequences. TikTok would be prohibited from the U.S. app stores and from, quote, internet housing services that support it.

That would effectively restrict new downloads of the app and interaction with its content. Biden's decision to sign the bill on Wednesday puts a deadline for sale January 19th. Biden could extend that. TikTok is threatening legal action. We're confident we'll be keep fighting. They say it's unconstitutional and it would devastate 170 million U.S. users and 7 million businesses. How did this wind up on a bill about foreign aid? Also, what do you guys think of the age age limit on social media that i think is a great

idea yeah i think there needs to be like i know there's like uh children's like uh you apparent uh restrictions but it'd be cool if there was just like a full-blown internet for kids you you know? Like a whole other world. Yeah, but that's going to be full of pedophiles. That's the problem. That's the problem. I think we've talked about this before. You don't want a full-blown internet for kids.

Pedophiles. Adults, yeah. They're like, oh, perfect. They put them in a zoo. It would be like AOL chat rooms all over again. There's like three actual kids, and the rest are just perverts. It's been real hard to suss out who's an adult and who's a kid thus far. It's a kid only.

Easy hack. Done. All these kids are so stupid. Their passwords are so easy. I think we've had this conversation before about something along those lines. But it's like, yeah, you need to prove to me. Show me your birth certificate before you sign up. You've got to be young as fuck.

But all the apps you get, all the youtubes you watch all the everything it's not just like youtube kids and keep the parental locks on for this i want it to be like www.internetkids.com and the whole fucking thing is over here because they're getting to that point i guess they're getting that point at least shea is where i'm like she'll hop on the phone and start looking for things she knows how to do that now yeah you know it's like you might stumble upon some shit might stumble upon a goddamn beheading you know i don't know what the fuck you're gonna find so have you guys discussed like the pedophile island thing where it's like no well it's just like proceed if if like okay what do we do with the pedophiles what if we put them all in one place? But then it's like, okay, then they're going to start starting families.

Basically, it's quickly you learn, like, it's not going to work. That'd be so funny. Just put them all on an island? Pedophiles making an agreement that, like, all right, fine. Fuck this adult woman. Yeah. And then we'll get a kid out. Yeah.

There's a pedophile, like, fine. Fuck this adult woman. Yeah. And then we'll get a kid out. Yeah. There's a pedophile like, ugh, this is so, but in, but in, but in, but in 36 months. Yeah, dude,

pedophile island would very quickly become sex traffic island. Pedophile island. And you gotta like, really make sure, sure because they're they're gonna try and sneak kids in like all the time so you have to have like board like you know border patrol almost on pedophile island to keep the kids to keep the kids out it becomes a sticky situation it's good in theory but like you quickly learn like how learn. How many female pedophiles are there? A lot.

We just don't call them pedophiles. We celebrate them instead. Jerry Thornton writes blogs about them. We're always catching, too. I mean, that's Jerry Thornton. We're always catching teachers fucking their kids. We're just like, woo, rather than rape. Yeah, that's true.

But then, you know, you're not – I don't think they're going to be having kids because I don't think those women pedophiles are going to let the male pedophiles fuck them because they want to fuck the young high school kids, you know? Wait, what's that? Were you not saying that if you go to Pedophile Island, they're going to have kids? Yeah, they're going to have kids. Yeah. Yeah, you have a kid to trade it off. Right.

I'm just saying I don't know if those teachers – It's a bartering system. It's an age-old thing. I don't think those teachers are going to fuck the old men, though, because they're busy fucking young college students. No, but they would very... But you just want to produce the thing to play with. It's an investment. But I think...

It is the bartering system. It is. I think you've got to take the kids away. It's the oldest form of currency. Humans. You've got to just be like, you lost your right to a kid. Like, obviously, no. Like, you could be snipped.

Yeah, Petalwood Island, you should be... You get snipped, you get burned, barren, and you go to the island. Yeah. Then you're good. But you know what? It's like Jeff Goldblum. Life finds a way. You put a bunch of pedophiles on an island like they're dinosaurs.

They're getting out. They're figuring out a system. Pedophiles going pedophile. Yeah. I want to take the shark tank, the sex doll. Pedophile sex doll, yeah. Right, I mean, it's a brilliant idea. That should be a skit.

Have you done that? Yeah, we've talked about it. I don't know why we haven't done it, but it's been thrown out. Just having the three judges be horrified. It's 3D printed. You don't have to fucking. Like sharks. The average number of pedophiles in America right now.

We're going to fuck the kids. Unless we give them these fucking dolls that look like kids. They can fuck these. It's like condoms. It's like, yeah, abstinence would be better. But these kids are going to fuck. So they should wear condoms. These pedophiles, you know what would be great?

If pedophiles chose abstinence. They're not going to. They're going to fuck something that looks like a kid. Might as well be the same it's like you're like uh you're kidnapping um business idea i do think for zero serial killers i can't say that murders and whatever like to get it out of their system they should join it's like uber like you can either be an uber driver like join uber like you could be like one of the kidnappers or like one of the you know whatever and you could just get that like in the same app so it's like i want to be kidnapped so i can challenge myself yeah slash i want to be the kid like sign up to be the kidnapper

or yeah it could not be in this case it's like i did you speak of the ubers and stuff did you see that like i think last month when they had the lyft launched the lyft for women yeah were they like all you could specifically request a women driver yeah how long did that last it's just just like larry david like well i'm not gonna get raped i am gonna die in twisted metal. It's going to take a long time to get there. We're going to get in a car accident.

She'll blame me for it somehow. This is a tough decision. Big announcement. Kevin is going to run a 5k next week No, stop I'm not doing that Kevin had very loudly Said he's going to do the poor Osos 5k

No, I did not say that Why don't you just walk it? I don't know If other people are walking, I'll walk it I'm not doing that That's people are walking, I'll walk. I'm not doing that. That's a lie. Wait.

Before we move on from pedophiles, you know when you see a lot of those videos of, like, vigilantes confronting? Yeah. What happens to those people? There's never any, like, those videos just end. Yeah. And I'm like, well, now we know. Did somebody go arrest them? I honestly don't i i know what you're talking about i think i've seen i've seen enough yeah i'm not saying i see like 100 but i've

seen like five yeah and it's like there's a lot of chris hansen wannabes and there's a lot of guys and girls getting caught and like i saw one girl recently that was like i actually i was coming here to get her phone to wipe it because i i found she was 15 when she was being all smug about it. And then I saw in the comments someone would be like, I've seen this girl already on another one of you guys' pages. So that's crazy. They're just hoping they don't get caught by Chris Hansen. Everyone else is real nice about it. That's the thing.

I want you to go home and think about what you did. Yeah. That would be funny, too. If someone else other than Chris Hansen is it's like, fuck taking a seat. What are you going to fucking do? Yeah, I'm texting that kid and I'm going to fuck him. What are you going to do, non-Chris Hansen? You ain't going to do shit.

Just like I'm not running the 5K. Let's do some voicemails. All right, let's get into our voicemails. New batch. What's going on, guys? Been listening to the show forever. And a couple years ago, I believe me and my friends have created the perfect way to judge someone's character right off the bat. Doesn't matter if you've known for 20 seconds or 20 years.

This surefire way will always tell you what type of person you are talking to or meeting. So me and my friends, basically it comes down to this. You look at someone and you can instantly tell, would you vote for them? Would you follow them into battle, both or neither? And that kind of tells you a lot about the person right off the bat. Me personally, I would vote for me, would not follow me into battle. I'd be a terrible, terrible military leader. If we went to war with Russia tomorrow, my plan would be to gather all of our forces and attack Moscow. So, you know, we would either win the war in one day or we would all become Russian.

So my question to you guys is pretty much just judge all of all of yourselves based on this vote for the person would you vote for kfc would you fall in the battle both neither and so on and so forth all right vote follow me into battle both neither i would vote for president i'm assuming i would think so yeah any president's tough it's like None of us can be president, so that's stupid. Vote for, like, you to be the leader of your group or some shit like that. Your life.

I would for sure follow you into battle. I don't think you'd want to be president. Well, I definitely wouldn't want to be. I wouldn't want to lead you into battle either, to be honest. Yeah, but if you're picking between me and you for battle, who would rather follow you into battle? I think you would actually be a great elected official if you would do it. Why do you think that?

Because I think. I would be so bad. No. Well, I mean, it would be like almost like if we were. Imagine you're like in the movies. Right. Because it's like it's like Billy running. Like they're going to find a way to like snuff you out.

Yeah. I'm going to be able to do it. But if somehow you like got on the ballot and won and you just instituted like common sense, I think you'd be good. I think I think like, you know, you get up there and they'd be like this is a complicated situation but like we're gonna make the pedophile adults like it's just gonna stop like and there are there are some pitfalls honestly you sold me on myself there like there's some pitfalls don't get me wrong but in the long run just think about it they're're not going to fuck kids. And a lot of things like that were just like, I know, I know, I know that it's not perfect, like the Middle East, but we're going to just do this, whatever.

And I think people will be like, hell yeah. Like even in Survivor. Survivor was a good like test of those sort of things yeah and it was like you were not like the most vocal but like you were you were in it and just kind of like but that's the thing with politicians i am very much a uh like a i can't think of the phrase for there is a phrase for it but like it's not do as i say not as i do it's like uh the verbal and nonverbal leader. Like when I was a captain in sports. Lead by action.

We had one guy who did the pump-up speeches and stuff like that. I was the other guy. Right. And I'm pretty good at that. Yes, totally. I am for sure not the pump-up guy. Yeah. That is one of the rare – I don't want to say rare, but it's a skill to be able to be the guy who runs out on stage and the hype man.

Because if you're not that guy and you're like, come on. Let's go, guys. Let's go. I'll give you like a let's fucking go. I was going to say I think you could do that. I can do that, but I don't give you like the fucking – The speech like tonight is the last night of our lives. Because I know that's silly.

Right. I'll get you jacked up. I'm like, let's fucking go, baby! But I'm not going to be like, you'll remember tonight for the rest of your lives! Right. You remember the rest of your lives, you fucked up, dude. Okay? Yeah, your life sucks.

If you remember this high school football game, your life sucks, dude. I would – I'd vote for Pavs. That question was playing as Pavs walked out. We could groom Pavs to be. Oh, he'd be a puppet regime, bro. We would install our whole fucking ideas. Dance for me, Pavs.

What's that? It was would you vote for the person? Would you follow them into battle? Would you do both or do neither? And we said we would vote for you because you'd be our little puppet. Oh, yeah. We'd be a puppet regime. I follow orders pretty well.

Pretty much anybody that tells you what to do. Why not me? Because I'm a woman? You're a woman. Exactly. You can't fight. No, I would actually. Vote for the woman?

I could see myself following you into battle. What? Yeah. Well, you shouldn't. No, because I could see you being like into battle What? You shouldn't No because I can see you being like Let's just go fucking do it guys Yeah let's go fucking do it I can definitely see that

Like wild card bitches Alright let's do it Kind of like what you're saying in a team setting I'm not a leader But I'm like I always on soccer teams An emulsifier kind of like an emulsifier was that me it's like um if you have like ingredients for a

like salad dressing for example once you put you can put all the ingredients together but like oil and vinegar don't mix once you put in like um mustard it actually mixes it together cool you are i can see yourself but you're very much that. Wow, thank you. You are. I mean, I give myself that compliment. You talk this whole thing up. And we said, yeah, that's right. You went, oh. So sweet. No, but you're like the glue.

You're like the keystone to it all. Yeah, that makes sense. You can have your leaders and you can have your followers, but it doesn't really – it's like just two things that won't mix unless you have – I do think you usually need two. I think you're right that there's a rah-rah guy and then there's someone – there's a good cop, bad cop, whatever the system is. I remember that with the Bruins towards the end of Chara's career.

It was like Chara doesn't – Chara is the quiet guy. And Bergeron is the one who's actually leading the locker room. And I think – when I played high school, we didn't have assistant captains. We had two captains. And I was always a captain. And I was always the guy who – I actually got my captaincy stripped from me from baseball for drinking. But – What a pussy baseball team.

Because the entire – well, no, it was actually very funny because the entire team got caught drinking. Like the whole team. So all the people who had been elected captains, we all got our captaincies stripped. Yeah, like some freshmen. And no, it was one kid didn't come out with us. So he was the – Oh, my God. And like no one respected him, obviously.

The pussy who doesn't even get drinks with the boys. Like he would try and lead stretches. Everyone would be like, shut the fuck up. Well, that's the real problem. If the real captain is still right there, it's like, shut up, dude. It was actually great for, like, being obviously one of the kids. And we were like, this is awesome. We, like, don't have to do anything.

But also, everyone obviously looks to us. Yeah. And I'm still putting fucking captain on my goddamn uh on your resume whatever you want yeah yeah well that's like uh did you see what ryan garcia did with uh with his weight no uh uh he there's a there's a facetime screenshot of him and floyd and they're both holding up three. And Floyd said, miss weigh-in by three pounds. And he did that. And apparently, like, missing that weight at weigh-in means by fight time you're, like, 20 pounds heavier.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he no longer could win the belt. And it was void. But he won, like, $62 million because of the purse and the bet. And it was like, oh, no, I don't get it. I'm not technically, the champion but the whole fucking world loves me and i made quadruple the money like have fun with your literal piece of belt that nobody even respects anymore that's why i didn't know that yeah and i mean i i feel like that should be uh and he said um so daryl daryl haney i don't devin haney okay his father is

bill haney who used to fight and is a trainer now and everything. And I guess everybody fucking hates that guy. He's like an asshole. And so Ryan Garcia tweeted, like, Floyd told me, miss weight by three pounds and fuck Bill Haney. And it's just like they hate that guy and they don't want the Haneys to win. So those two teamed up. But that's awesome to be like, I don't give a fuck about your belt. I feel like if you miss weight, you like not fight at all but i guess the rules the the stipulation said like sometimes it's like for every pound you go over you owe like 200

grand to that person so it's like all right for what did the math all right here's 600 grand but you're if you bet on yourself and bet 14 million dollars man. Such an asshole movie. Can't read a book, but can do great math. It's like Marty. We were talking about this the other day on the bracket. Marty's like Kevin Malone with pies in the office. He can't do numbers unless it's pies. That's how Marty is. Unless it's sports.

Then he's like, blah, blah, blah. I know exactly how many numbers. These two numbers. Are they over 146 right now? And he'd be like, yes. He knows the exact numbers. If you're like, what are these two numbers added up? He'd be like, boom, boom, boom. I know exactly how many numbers. These two numbers, are they over 146 right now? And he's like, yes. He knows the exact numbers. I feel like one of these two numbers added up. He's like, I have no idea.

Dude, even when I watch these guys play blackjack, like they throw the cards out and they're like, I'm sitting there, I'm like, okay, 11 plus seven. And they're like, right away, yes, no. Like they know every time I'm sitting there, I'm like, is that 20? I can't, wait, hang on. Let me go back.

Carry the one. Those guys know their shit when it comes down to those numbers. Like, yeah, Dave and Dan, same way. They can count in multiples of six and seven and three. I didn't know, but it's like the guys who memorize pi. All right. Back to the voicemails. What do we got?

Maple Leafs fan. Boo. Also, by the way, before we move on, we have you. Wouldn't follow you into battle. No. But would vote for you. I would hope. Particularly now. I would think you into battle. No. But would vote for you. I would hope so. Particularly now.

I would think no one else here would. I was going to say, I think you already voted. I think the team has voted. Yeah. Kevin's the leader of the team. I think our team would vote for me. I don't think anybody else here would. I'm glad you shaved today. Because I think you don't look at someone

with a beard and think i'd vote for that person oh so a cleaner cut makes me more presidential right like bro i can't like people no one runs with a beard lincoln you get a beard once you're in office lincoln lincoln like if ted cruz ran with that fucking adams family thing he had people like what the fuck is this yeah you gotta you gotta get a beard you can get the beard in off it's like being in the military you can get the beard in country but you can't be a boot yeah yeah yeah you gotta be cut i the the by the way i don't know if i got the picture i look like a legitimate uh soldier in my clear picture mean, you look like one right now. You have an Abe Lincoln beard.

Huh? You have an Abe Lincoln beard. What's that? Abe Lincoln beard? Yeah, I just can't really remember what his beard looks like. Patchy and gross. Not great. I mean, he kind of looks like he's back home from after the war.

I tried to take it quick when I was at Clear. It's because I'm wearing a khaki scarf so it looks like it looks like you have the i took it in the winter so i was just wearing a scarf that day and i have like a tan scarf and it looks like a fucking no i can see it looks like you know when like in the movies when like the cia guy is and he's got like whatever thing wrapped around him. Yeah. It popped up, and I was like, oh, fuck. That's a soldier right there. That's stolen valor. I'm a valor student. That's like Billy, man.

Those pictures of Billy where he has the camouflage bag, and people are saluting him and thanking him and shit. It's very funny. But yeah, thanks for voting for me, guys. Thanks. What's up, fellas? Kfc fights rest of the gang uh question for you is uh what percentage of streets in your hometown city you grew up in etc do you think that you've been down in your life um i live in a relatively small town, so I think I would be up in the mid-80s, but bigger cities, I imagine. I don't even know the streets to my left and right.

Currently where you live? Correct. Really? Like, no idea. What about where you grew up? I heard that's where I grew up. Where I grew up? Oh, okay. I heard that is where I grew up Where I grew up Oh okay Where I grew up

City Island I know a lot of the streets Because it's just a grid There's one main avenue And there's street Street Street Street

Street Street Street Street Street Street Street Street

Street Street Street Street Street Street Street Street

Street Street Street Street Street Street Street Street

City City City City City City City City

City City City City City City City City

City City City City City City City City

City City City City I could be like general vicinity Like I remember my buddy who lived On you know this street And I know that that's that way And if I start to like ride my bike around there I would find it But I don't know if I could go directly to it I don't think I could go anywhere Really?

Yeah I don't think I think there's something wrong with my brain Well for sure But like you asked me this You asked something the other day where you're like you were asking if i you were asking if i like remembered certain episodes or something like that yeah yeah and i i almost texted to you but i was like it's too depressing to text and i don't know if he's gonna get that i'm kind of laughing about it but i was gonna say kevin i

don't have memories and like i i don't have men i don't know anything unless someone can jar it someone can shake my memory i'll go oh yeah yeah but if you i don't i have no i couldn't tell you a street in my hometown i will highland have i lived on aside from that there's like i don't know i also grew up in a up in a kind of a big town. It's a city. Actually, now that I'm thinking. So, like, it's not a high number. I would guess. What about, like, the major roads? Like, Pelhamdale Avenue was, like, a major avenue.

Highbrook was a major one. Wolves Lane was, like, these were major streets. Fifth Avenue, like, were there, like, those kind of things? Or, like, were they all just, like, little? There was Highland Avenue. You had Highland? Yeah. I had Highbrook.

I lived on Highland. That's why my porn name... Which is what? You know, it's like your first pet. Your dog, your middle name. And mine was Godzilla Highland. Your first pet was Godzilla? Yeah, it was an iguana.

It'd be cool if you had a dog named Godzilla. Just Godzilla Highland. That's a terrible point. I mean, that's like, you better be a fucking... You got a hammer on you if you're doing that. Did you see that? The thing, Girthmaster? Is that the OnlyFans guy?

Yeah, he's like going viral. I'm so happy youans guy? Yeah. He's going viral. I'm so happy you finally said the name. I want to see this. Because I didn't know his name. Did he say it in the video? Oh, I just saw the Barstool tweet that said OnlyFans guy Girthmaster. Okay, because I saw... Girthmaster.

That's basically Godzilla Highland. Yeah. I'm Girthmaster. So wait, have you seen the video? No. It's the man on the street talking about right uh-huh yeah he's just it's just an interview talking to this girl about how he's like yeah i make like eighty thousand dollars a month now and uh he's very like that's not that much and

then i well that's the thing is he when he said that i was like eh you light you light brother but the the first like couple comments and quotes were like, I just looked him up. Holy moly, the women who are working with him deserve the money. And he looks like a wine bottle and all this shit. But I didn't know his name. So, I mean, his hands are ridiculous. I'll tell you that much. He better have a huge dick because otherwise he can't masturbate.

Look at those fucking hands. Imagine, like, my dick in his hand. If he jerked me off. If this guy jerked me off. He jerked you off as pedophilia. Put him on the island. Can't go around jerking little boy dicks. If this guy jerks me off, no joke, my tip would not come out of the palm.

You know, like it's like that, right? You see the top. He would be – my hand would go like – my dick would go like halfway through his palm. Just look at each other like, what am I supposed to do? I've never run into this issue before. But I don't see his dick. I don't see his dick. How about Daddy?

Like, I remember when I was, like, listening, she, like, told, like, for the Glock Glock or whatever, she would, like, explain. She was like, if you have bigger hands, you have to, like, do the two, like, the two finger thing. Yeah. I remember being like, Jackie! Thank you for seeing us, Alex. A pinky in her thumb.

She's like, who is? Thanks, Alex. Noted. That was actually a really helpful tip. Thank you. I just want to see this guy's dick. Only fans of Girthmaster. I've seen it.

I've seen it on the front page, I think because i know the name girth master for sure i don't think i remember being like whoa yeah i mean that's soft but still yeah see that dicks like i remember being like oh that's that's i i think i remember seeing it's getting bigger it's getting bigger going that's not that's not you you gotta that's probably like half mass because it's still pointing down but i've seen it like in a still shot for a video and it was like it's a big dick but girth master is such a name i mean you can't be the girth master again that's his soft unloaded dick but like i think i've had dick days where i look like that and i'm not the girth master hom homie. Yeah, like if – That's pretty thick. That's almost the size of a book.

Yeah, I put the Encyclopedia Britannica inside of me yesterday. This book he's reading says, This is how I hide my boners in the library. That's his fucking tweet. Dude, being an OnlyFans person is the easiest social media game. Oh, it's so ridiculous, dude. Tell me something I don't know. People start quoting you with, like, scores.

Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, he's got a hammer. He draped it, though. That's the fuck he draped it. No, he's not even holding it. He's not covering his balls. But if you're going from under, the balls make it seem like it's a fucking every dick's huge. But if you're not holding it, it's pretty realistic. Because the girls know where the balls are and are not.

Whereas with the hand, it's like, is that balls or is that? Yeah. Okay. Curve Master Flex. All right. Last one. All right. yeah okay Curve Master Flex alright last one alright let's check in on our game time app to see what events we can go to

what prices right now I got New York City plugged in we got the Yankees for just 9 bucks the Mets for just 2 bucks which the Mets are now playing kind of well so 2 bucks to watch the Mets at one of the best ballparks in all the country is incredible the New York Red Bulls if you like soccer 11 you can So two bucks to watch the Mets at one of the best ballparks in all the country is incredible.

The New York Red Bulls, if you like soccer, 11. You can you can scratch together like couch money and get into the building. Right now, the Islanders play off hockey for just 66 bucks. Or if you want to roll with that stuff, right? I can get in the building for six. I mean, you're going to see a corpse, so it doesn't really matter. But still, nonetheless, that is crazy. And then if you want to run with the big dogs, the Knicks are $299 and the Rangers are $277.

I didn't realize the Rangers are favored to win the Cup. Is that true? They won the President's Cup. Or come out of the East. They were the best team in the NHL this year. Yeah, wow, that is crazy. Do you think they're going to get it done? Well, it's so weird.

My opinion of them is based on the one single game I went to and you beat the shit out of soft terrible team yeah yeah yeah no i we they played the i think they won the game i don't even know they played the capitals it wasn't a bruins game um and uh but they were soft it was just a terrible game and i was like these teams both these teams are fucking jokes well either way you can get in and what and it's not just sports it's also uh music comedy and theater events near you uh they have all sorts of discounts flash deals zone deals for depending on where you live flash deals depending on what time it is and they have the lowest price guarantee meaning if you find other seats anywhere else game time will credit you 110% of the difference between the two prices. Best place for last-minute tickets with up to 60% off your favorite events.

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Last-minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. All right, final voicemail. We got an update from the Boston Strangler. I don't know how we didn't think of that. Yeah, that's great. I was like, what should I call it? I don't remember his real name.

What's his real name? I have no idea. I was like, Boston Strangler. The Boston Strangler. I got in contact with him. Very, very heavy lead early in the clubhouse right now for the $1,000 prize. He sent me a video of him and his buddy in action, which I asked if we were allowed to publish it.

He said, no, it's too dicey. But it's fucking outrageous. Him and his buddy tag teaming this dude. One guy is holding his arms down. The other guy has the back of his knee over the guy's face while he holds his mouth closed. I mean, it is. When I got it last night. I hope it's not the guy didn't agree to it.

They're just videos of assaults we really go through the the records like uh like boston newspapers and like old man assaulted again yeah he would but when i say he gave us 15 hundred dollars i mean he would be unconscious and we would take it out of his wallet after we kicked in his front door nobody he sent me the video of that where they, I mean, this dude is, he must be out because they were filming and they're being like quiet. They're like, oh, shit.

And I think he is completely unconscious. And then there's a series of at least four of his buddies, him and three others, like arguing with this guy on the phone and like negotiating their rates. One guy was actually kind of being an asshole and like extorting him, being like, well, what happens when I tell everyone this and I ruin your reputation? That's the problem with having to get choked out fetish. That is the problem.

There's always a possibility that one of the guys you hired to choke you out is going to tell people about it. But that's also the problem with letting – I'll come at it from the other angle. Boston Strangler had a great thing going. You bring your buddy into the mix. All of a sudden, he's the extortionist. It's like, bro, that's my $1,500 a week. Like, that's – you owe me now.

We were already extorting him. We were choking him out for money. You know what he is? He's fucking Mike Ehrmantraut. We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch and you had to go and ruin it with your greed and your jealousy that's it man we yeah we were already forcing him to give us money in in exchange for basically violence what more do you want extortion we just went right to violence we didn't even start with vague threats. We went right to choking the man out.

So definitely got some wild videos. He also did say to me, he said, those aren't even half the details. So I said, call back in with an update. Here's what we got. I feel like I should leave a couple more details about this story. I didn't hit this guy up. He hit me up. So I felt like the chosen one, honestly.

I was like, fuck yeah. He was, like, looking for freelancing gigs. Like, come on, buddy. I know what you're up to. Because I'd heard all these stories, whatever. And, like, so my buddy and I were like, fuck it. We went over there. We were nervous because, like, obviously, like, what the fuck were we getting ourselves into?

And it was just crazy. I've heard stories of him, like, asking guys to, like, stand on his head, like, with their bare feet. Like, could you imagine that? You're a grown man. Enjoying getting just smelly-ass hockey boys' feet all over you. It was just crazy. My buddies are, like, and if you're, like, this isn't true, like, ask my buddies. They would call on my

behalf that's like my agent he'd be like now like a thousand dollars or i'm not doing 1500 my buddies were like nope see you buddy we'll go find someone else for 1500 like so like that and he'd be like so weird he'd be like all right yeah fine fuck it, $1,500. Just crazy. Just crazy. Yeah, dude, that was the one thing I forgot. He said, stand on his face and see who could balance the longest. Straight up, socks on face. I mean, standing on someone's face? Because the auto-erotic asphyxiation is at least a thing. Like, stand on my face is fucking...

You're just making shit up now. Yeah, I can see myself getting my face stood on. No. No way. But I do like compression. I've said this before. I'm speaking for hangovers. Lay down and I'll stand on your face right now.

Not sexual, really. How would you stand on someone's face? Like, put it on their forehead? I'd go two feet... Around their nose? Around their nose, yeah. Heel on forehead or heel on chin heel on chin i guess chin yeah my first thought my toes on forehead a little more grabby like i think i think your heel on your forehead is like flat ground yeah yeah yeah when i I used to get...

Put your toes in his mouth. When I was really hungover, I used to stick my head in between the couch cushions. Right, like that. Like compression. I can see the appeal of compression. I don't really know. Guys, lay down.

We're going to stand on your head. Like, I've obviously never done anything like this, but the face, no. But I can... I dogpile. Like, I'm going to done anything like this, but the face, no. But I can, I dogpile. Like, I'm going to pay $1,500. You guys come over and dogpile me. You're all going to jump on top of me? Oh, good.

Pat, you're here. We're going to stand on your face. You jump on top. I jump on top Yeah You want to get dogpiled I bet I would like it I like being compressed

You like that Weighted blanket type shit Yeah What was it You used to go up to Like 150 pounds right Bro I had a 45 and a 25

That's too many pounds Yeah I used to be a Weighted blanket guy And then I started I started Hiring hockey bros i can't anymore it like it makes i think i was too stiff i would wake up in the morning and be

like oh i haven't moved in like eight hours yeah um i just the the so like the choking out stand on my face i'm sure yes some guys kick them in the balls like at this once once you know it's more than like once you're doing face standing i'm like oh you probably run the gamut bro you probably do it all yeah i'm sure that's like you probably do that for like an appetizer and you eat like you come and strangle me out all right thanks here's your money you get out of there eight o'clock eight my eight o'clock comes in and stands on my face. You're good. My 9 o'clock comes in and puts his hand up my ass. The weird stuff

starts after I lose consciousness. This is light work for this guy. I do just like the thought, though, of the Sorry. Stepped on your ear. My bad.

Let me just sit on it instead. Can you imagine being in college and getting this kind of first of all i didn't know when he's like when he said he saw he's looking for freelance and he's like i know what you're doing that's a risky game you play so wait yeah he said he contacted him i actually would like some more color on that because it's like, does that, he must mean, he must do like freelancing, like something or other. Handiwork, artwork. Yeah, yeah. Where you're putting your name like out there to do freelance. Right.

And then when an older man hits you up and says that, like you have your radar that goes off, like you're not looking for me to, you know, redo your. I bet this is another guy looking to get choked out. Right, right. I'm so desperately trying to find someone who just genuinely needs a door hinge fixed.

I can't get through the muddy waters of fucking auto-astronic asphyxiation. I used to just unclog drains. And now, all of a sudden, I got caught up.

being down on his hard times. This is Breaking Bad. This is Breaking Bad for weird sex stuff. And you got a taste of it. He couldn't stop. Every day a plumber walks into someone's house and is like, I hear you have toilet issues. It's like, yeah, it's in the bathroom down there.

And the guy runs ahead and he gets in there and the guy is just sitting there. I'm the toilet. Sit on me. Another one i mean yeah that is uh that's a that's an ego boost knowing that he reached out to you yeah because if you are trolling like craigslist and it's like i want some money and he's like sure whatever like whoever replies you're in but it's like out of everybody in like the boston college area he chose you i'd be like yeah your boy got it but i i said to pabs like i i can't as much as we talk and we said we would do this i don't know if i'd really do it do you think you would like the moment when i saw that video it crystallized for me how if i was like yo pats

come with me tonight we're gonna go to this guy's house and then at some point in that night i had my sweaty knee over his nose around holding his mouth Pabst is like straddling him that kid was like on top like he was riding him holding his arms down and we're both just like oh shit this is fucking crazy like I just I think I'm talking a tough game

the second he lost consciousness I'd be like this isn't really fun anymore post not clarity for someone else to you I'd be like, well now we have perhaps a dead body. I don't even know how to choke people.

That's the first thing. The first time he went out, they probably were like, please wake up, please wake up, please wake up. Otherwise,

we just murdered someone. Just give him a little tap. You're putting your finger under his nose, see if he's breathing. The minute that he went, thank God. I'm never doing that again. He was like, another $1,500. All right. you're putting your finger under his nose see if he's breathing the minute that he went thank god I'm never doing that again

another 1500 bucks let's run it back you don't have to strangle me just step on my face tonight these offers all seem good until you're like three years in texting with a fin dom

shut the fuck up have you fin dom and you're like God Shut the fuck up Have you fin dom'd between I imagine these relationships are the toughest ones to get out of Yeah

because like then you realize you're kind of financially dependent on it So I've like stopped It's jacquardizing Yeah

Is that what you're saying? Then you realize that you know you can't pay rent unless you do it How much are you charging these days? So I like have stopped like I've stopped like doing like really anything like

i'll send like a selfie every now and then of like me flipping that's what he wants but like i'll just say me flipping off the camera like that's what he wants that's but like i've stopped doing any kind of like dirty talk or anything like that, but he like will pay for my lunch. Like I'll send him the receipt and he'll pay for like all the lunch. You're filing expenses. Like literally it will be like, Jackie's got a diner's club card with a fucking fin dump. So I'll order like the $36 salad and I'll be like,

it's really nice. It's really nice. But we're still aiming so low, Jackie. I know, but it's like, expense. It's really nice. I respect that. It's really nice. But we're still aiming so low, Jackie. I know, but it's like, I don't want to do, I'm done with like, I don't want to do anything. At the very least,

go out and get like, the $3,600 thing in charge of that. Not 36 bucks. $3,600, what do you mean? Whatever, go get a bag and charge it to him, you know? Yeah, but then like, I gotta do more for that. Why he like i don't know oh you have to do more for him

yeah yeah yeah and i'm kind of like i'll just do whatever gets my lunches paid yeah exactly it's just nice to get like free lunch every now and then there's no such thing as a free lunch well you know all i gotta do is get a desperately horny guy. I still think it's a missed opportunity, but I like to hear that you're – as long as the exchange rate is fine, you are not doing anything crazy and you're just getting, like, beer money and whatever. Yeah. All good. I think that we've come to a good, like – he wants more.

He definitely, like, he asks everything. Can I please get, like – can I please get, like, you to call me? asks everything can I please get like can I please get like you to call me like can I get like dick rating oh dude I'm retired I want my expense

I just want my lunch no dude I'm retired but don't you isn't it worth like if you're gonna have exchanges with him anyway if you just say things like

you little piggy at the end yeah but okay because then you're doing it you're sending just say things like you little piggy at the end. Because then you're doing it. You're sending the text just write you little piggy. I know, but truly, I've run out of things to say. Run back to classics. I know, but like...

Did you chat GBT? You chat GBT. Oh, there you go. They said they were so gnarky about it. They were like, we don't condone this behavior. Shut up, chat GPT. What was that mouth move? I don't really know. It was like she was doing a hand job.

It looked like you were trying to eat an ice cream on a really windy day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Screaming the wind. Wait, chat GPT? It's like, listen, chat GPT, you're on the internet. You are. A lot of disgusting things go on here. Are there any non-censored AI platforms?

I didn't know they were censored. No, they're very censored. I guess that makes sense. We need a true social of AI. You know what you probably need to do is it's got to be paid for. Yeah. Well, yeah, I know mid-journey you can pretty much do anything, but you can do some pretty fucked up shit.

The true social of AI would be... There should be like a sex work... Yeah. Sex work AI. AI. By the way, he, the Boston Strangler, did say... Is that what you're calling him? Yeah, yeah.

Just watch the YouTube, LOL. Tell Jackie it can be our first date if she wants to come help me hold this guy down. So you two lovebirds could have a little connection. You know, they always say, like, come up with, like, a creative date. Some guys are like, we're going to go for a walk in the park. John's like, I'll take you to a museum. This guy's like, we will asphyxiate an old man. How do you feel about elderly abuse?

This is a good lesson for guys. It's hot the way that he owns this. And he's like, it might be gay, I don't know. Like, that's hot. Great advice. I think. I don't know like that's hot great advice i think i don't know i mean it's definitely gay but it's like whatever man this isn't gay at all no it's this is the straightest like this is i mean it's it's on the kinsey scale for sure oh what what are you trying to tell me like the ancient greeks were gay. No, this is just a couple of dudes wrestling and getting sexual gratification.

This is one dude wrestling and one dude coming. Dude, just cause one of the guys, just cause wrestling makes me horny. Doesn't make it any less. All right. Uh, let's get into our interview.

Uh, my interview, I should say, cause John was out for the day, but me and my man, Josh Wolf sat down and chopped it up. Uh, me and get into our interview. My interview, I should say, because John was out for the day. But me and my man, Josh Wolf, sat down and chopped it up. Me and Josh go way back. We've always got great chemistry, had a great conversation with him, and a lot of laughs. So Josh Wolf on KFC Radio.

Let's talk to him. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. After listening to all your voicemails and seeing all your guys' videos, I can confidently say that everyone on the show and everyone who listens to the show needs therapy. We all need to go to BetterHelp to become mature adults. And part of being a mature adult is knowing how to balance your social schedule

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starting therapy to figure out that social balance where you know if i go out tonight i'm gonna need to sleep in the next day or i shouldn't do this because i have a big day at work, but I like these people. So I'm going to go and just stay for a little bit, all that sort of stuff. Therapy can help you balance that and figure out how to enjoy yourself the most you can. BetterHelp is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you got to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime you want with no additional charge. Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash KFC today and get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash KFC. First of all, explain this to me. You wear as a badge of honor that you're assholes to each other? That's what we fucking do. My cat pisses in your mouth. Fuck you. That's the badge of honor that you're assholes to each other? There is some level of you guys are all pussies that I do appreciate.

It's almost like we all like hate each other but if there's ever any sort of like outsiders then we'll like close ranks that I like that's a very family thing like you don't make fun of my brother I punch my brother you don't punch my brother right but

in general like we just are horrible to each other it's like it's such a cool man cool so ridiculous badge of honor and not only that dude i think and i've only walked down the streets now for 20 minutes but if your head is in your phone i should be able to knock your phone out of your fucking hands dude did you hear about those girls who were getting clocked like a couple weeks ago no eight eight girls in 48 hours got fucking sucker punched by this guy some people some of them had like their phone their head buried in their phone and they think that obviously this guy's fucking crazy yeah that might be that

there was some level of yeah yeah i'm not gonna i'm not gonna coach on that you know maybe we should you know but yeah there is something of like like out when i see someone coming at me with their head on their phone, I go head up, head up. Like I'll start yelling at them when I know, and I could just move over to the side. But if I have,

if you're walking into my part of the sidewalk, I'll go head up, head up, head up. Like I start yelling to make you, head on a swivel. I'm not, because it's like,

you should not get to just plow through and I have to move for you because, you know, and I'll do it too. But I also – I have my head in a swivel. I know how to jaywalk. I know how to walk in text. I know how to drive in text. I know how to do it all now. These people were just like blinders on.

Here's what bothers me. This is a – we are now a group of people, and I would say 75% of us out in public have no court awareness right do you know what i mean yes they have no fucking court awareness at all of who's who else is around them it depends on what generation you're in jacob's generation has no court awareness that's what i'm saying yes so i think my generation you you're from the greatest generation right you fought in world war ii yeah um you guys claim to be the greatest generation because you like you know save the world from hitler and all that and we use handkerchiefs i think my generation is the the we bridge the gap we're the missing link we had life pre-phones and pre-internet but we were also young enough that we adopted it very quickly and we're with it you know but i think we're the last ones that have that that know like you shouldn't bury

your head in your phone when you're walking or at dinner or whatever the rest like anything beneath me and and probably you know maybe 30 it's like you are not even a real human like you're just like zero you know and even without And even without the phone, it's just like – This is totally acceptable. Yeah, crazy. And I'll tell you something else. People walk around FaceTiming. That's fucking insane.

You could walk and talk, but when I see your phone's out, your camera's out, what? This is why – and I told Jacob – When I started yelling at the clouds, Josh. Curses! I told Jacob, I'm like, your generation will never have as much fun as my generation. I'll tell you why. Because we were not burdened

with a phone or a picture or a tweet or an Instagram post. Every five minutes we were out. You know what we were doing? Just having a good fucking time. Just doing shit. Just doing stuff.

Yeah. And you're doing it. Bro, my kids now, I'm like, they're all activities all the time. And I was like, when do you just go outside and fall out of the tree? Yeah, figure out your own activity.

Fucking, even like, wait, I actually, just this summer, my kids are eight and almost seven. And they, like, just learned how to ride bikes. I was like, and I said to myself, I was like, I got to make sure my kids know how to ride bikes. So, like, this summer, as soon as, spring, as soon as it got nice out, I taught them they're old enough that they learned in like one day because they were like, they were just like, yeah, we get this because we're adults now driving already.

But, but it's funny. The reason why it took so like, the reason why we never did it is because you don't just like go out on your bike anymore. No. So unless, unless I was going to hop on a bike and go bike riding with you your generation

could hop on the bike yeah like we that that was my last generation you were the last that's what i'm saying so like we we were the last generation of see you later mom i'll be back in like seven hours on the weekend and it was like and now i think about it like i'm thinking about if my kids they're still a little bit young but even in like a couple years from now if they were to just hop on their bikes and be like, see you later. And I'm watching them go off into the sunset onto a double yellow road. And we were, we were like riding over highways and shit. I don't think I wanted that either. So I do get it.

But, but the thought right now of them just being like, even just like we're going out, see you later. Like I know where they are at all times. Of course. I'm with them at all times. You can get in touch with them too, dude. That's the other thing too. My parents used to be like, I hope everything works out.

Think about how our parents did it with us. We walked out. My dad didn't allow... In the summer, we weren't allowed in the house after 10 a.m. They'd get out and go. I'd be like, where should I go? He'd be like, that's not my problem. My problem is that you were in the house yeah yeah you my problem is you are bothering

me you are my problem now go do that yeah but think about that they would let us leave the house with no way to get in touch with us basically watch us ride our bikes for me no helmet you were a fucking pussy dude that's the thing not only no helmet but the cool kids weren't exactly wearing helmets no and if you rode through a neighborhood with the helmet on he's like where you going with that bitch hat you pussy come touch my dick with it you know right there's i mean it's the same thing as like you know we weren't wearing seat belts we were my favorite was even just wearing the backpacks like did you go single i'd well of course yeah but like what like i'm sitting there carrying 50 pounds of books on one shoulder

because it's lame what to go double shoulder like some of that shit the pendulum swung the other way i remember i mean that's literally the joke in 21 jump street where they're like they're like you wear one strap that's so fucking lame so i got but there is some something to be said for like put on your fucking seat belt yeah the seat belt stuff but i also miss that we don't shame you anymore there's the blend there needs to be this is what i think there just needs to be the blend i don't need my kids to have grown up the way i did where we shot bottle rockets at each other right and we used to take a tennis ball, spray the top of it with an aerosol can,

light it on fire so the top half was burning, and throw it at cars. Buddy. That is insane behavior. We used to go into my basement and everyone would grab three darts. You would turn out the lights and you

would just whip them as hard as you could. And can I tell you how different... Like the real darts too? Darts, dude. three darts. You would turn out the lights, and you would just whip them as hard as you could. And can I tell you how different... Like the real darts, too? Darts, dude, metal darts. So can I tell you... You flip on the light, and someone's just like... Well, I will tell you, the sound of them hitting the wood panel on the walls,

way different than flesh. Flesh definitely made it... You knew it, because then it was... because then it was squelching and then a scream right yeah no it was always followed by turn the fucking lights on it's not funny anymore man dude this is how different parenting was too my dad knew what we was doing we were doing right that's what happened he would just scream don't you break anything on my desk so i also have a feeling i have a thought that my parents you you kind of bridge you bridge generations too because you're older but you're you know you're still young

had kids different times in your life all that shit but like my parents like 90s parents didn't do a goddamn ounce of parenting no no no my my parents but here's the difference dude and my dad i mean that's a good thing i don't know but they didn't do it my dad pointed this out to me ready for this that you probably oh yeah you didn't get to do either i was like what's the big difference between parenting now and then he said well the big parenting between the way you difference between what you had to parent and the way i had to parent is when you came home after school at three o'clock there was no more outside influence on you until the next day when you went to school there was no it was just me it's whatever your mom and i wanted you to know and learn right i think was important sure that was the only influence we pick what's on tv

we're gonna what you watch who you talk to right and so like now there's no doubt no matter how good of a parent you are the outside influence is more than you yeah there's no way to avoid that yeah that's very good point i mean that's and that's the worst part is like listen to me don't listen to these fucking little shits or what you found on the internet or heard on the internet i don't know i i encountered my first just yesterday uh the the boys in the neighborhood uh keegan rode his bikes by by them because i was teaching them to ride you know his name is keegan keegan yeah very progressive name do you think so yeah feels very travis i don't think so fuck you i thought of it i think of it as like an irish name Irish name. I don't put that on the same level as like a...

Amethyst? Yeah, like I didn't think of it as like a new age like Brody. Keegan, you know what? Because I'm old school Jew-y. Yeah. So Keegan feels... This is just Joshua and Daniel and David and that's it. Gideon, Simon.

Gideon. Yo, my brother's middle name is Gideon. And I tried to get... You are a Jew. Dude, the Jewiest Jew. There's a comic when I first started, a guy, and he actually lives in Israel now, surprise, surprise,

named Avi Lieberman. And I was like, dude, why don't you just go on stage as Jewy Jewerson? They're expecting you to walk on stage to Hava Nagila. I mean, that is... Avi? Joshua Lieberman Axelrod Gideon I mean Jesus

holy moly you've been to a bar mitzvah? yeah I have two Jewish cousins and a couple kids in the neighborhood did it so they're awesome that's the one thing where you guys really crush us I'll take the Seder and the bar mitzvah.

What's the seder? Seder is like Passover. It depends. You can go to an old cranky seder that's not good, but if you go to an all-grown-up seder, probably here or L.A., it's a lot of weed, and a lot of people bring their own food, and you just tell stories. But the cranky seders are no good. I never heard of that one. I mean, I've heard of sededer, but I didn't know that was like a good time party. It could be. Yeah. I will tell you that I think that the Jews, Christmas is so much better than Hanukkah.

I mean, it is. It's like, don't even talk to me. You know, like there's no discussion to be had. The songs? Incredible. Our songs all sound like death marches. Absolutely. A lot of times they were.

I mean, they are the worst songs The worst songs They were You're not writing a lot of happy beats 40 years across the desert probably You're not like Jazz hands Day 39

We've only got one more day You know my theory on why there aren't a lot of tall Jews I think when we walked across the desert It was so hot The little ones hid underneath the big ones. Stayed in the shadows. And the big ones died off.

So we went 5'6 to 5'8 for a couple thousand years. I don't think it's a terrible theory, dude. No, I mean, I've heard worse. I've heard worse. Jacob's 6'6. Yeah, he's a big boy. He's a big boy. And he's half Jewish

Half Asian And so my theory Crazy He should be a midget Well here's what's crazy My theories are that Two negatives made a positive Yeah

Right Negatives And Here's another It's backwards So he's Jewish and Asian But tall But terrible at math

And you would think If he was good at one thing Yeah Between the Jews Numbers Yeah Do the accounting and the calculus. There you go. I'll tell you something right now, and I will go to my grave saying

this. From age 12 down, if you're coaching kids sports, pick a Jew. We're coordinated and good. We just never grow taller. Oh, yeah. Early on, get them. Get them. 8 through 12, get them. Yes, and then let them go.

Yeah, fundamentally sound. Then get them in the comedy club. Never get any taller than they are when they're 12. Yes, yes. They're going to know the sport, but after 12. No, and they start catching colds all the time. Very fragile. Allergies and all that shit. It's not the toughest guy on the block.

You're not drafting him number one for you know backyard football no no but you want a guy who can do the you know that you keep the follow the plays yeah keep the that book is hard to keep man you need somebody who can sit down i'm getting a taste of child of kids sports and uh i'm not like the head coach but i'm i've been an assistant coach on all my son's teams to the point that like i just show up and and i'm active in it i don't like sign up to be like the assistant coach but like i usually just show up to the first day of practice and i start like playing catch with the kids and the head coach just kind of gets the drift that like i'll

help you put up cones and you know help you wrangle the kids and all that sort of shit. And, my God, does it suck. Dude. I mean, six-year-olds playing basketball? The worst fucking. Like, Little League is one thing because it's like, stand here. As soon as they kind of learn how to swing the bat, they usually eventually get contact. And it's fun.

Oh, shit. He hit it to the outfield. Oh, my God. Or like, oh, my God, he caught it. And they just know. Basketball, where it's like, you have to dribble. You have to, like, it to the outfield. Oh, my God. Or like, oh, my God, he caught it. And they just know. Basketball, where it's like you have to dribble. You have to like, it's fluid. It's constant. We played on a 10-foot hoop league.

I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know. We just signed him up with his friends from his school. I just assumed everybody would, you know, everyone knows they're six years old. They're playing on eight feet. I mean, they're fucking, every game was literally 2-0, 4-2. Every basket was like a touchdown it was like a celebration but just the idea of like they were trying to dribble and they couldn't play d i mean it was just like get me the fuck out of here man

i will say kids sport the coaching jacobs and and trevor my oldest son's teams are the thing might be the thing that I miss the most. Well, I was going to say, as much as I say it sucks, I love every second of it. I fucking loved it. It's the first time I actually felt like I love my kids and I get satisfaction and fulfillment and all that shit, but a lot of it's not enjoyable.

You're sitting through recitals and shit that you don't like and you're taking them to these parties and things that you don't want to do. This is like playing catch with my son like yesterday was the first it was first practice it was warm out the coach had a speaker so he's playing some music and he's old enough now that he can catch it and throw it every time and i was like so this is some field of dream shit this is like hey dad you want to have a catch? Like, I fucking love this. You know? Okay. I was talking about this with my buddy Kenny Garcia the other day. Have a catch or play catch?

Play catch. It's a timeless argument. It's play catch. It's have a catch. But you don't own the catch. What do you mean have it? You don't have it. You don't really play catch either.

You play make believe. You play dress up. It's about play. Play is not just keeping score, but you're playing something. You don't own the catch. I mean, I didn't know we were going to break down the fucking part of speech and the grammar of it all. When you're watching fucking Field of Dreams and he comes out of the goddamn woods, out of the cornfield, does he say, do you want to play catch, Dad? No, he fucking doesn't

but he also grew up in 1890 well you know he set the trend okay what do you have no tradition you're a jew you know about traditions come on three finger glove dude do you know my my um grandfather used to i don't know if i've ever told you this, he owned a company called Globe Gloves. His gloves are in the Hall of Fame. And he made gloves for the Boston Braves, dude. Wow. And so they were the team in Boston, and they ended up going to Milwaukee first, and then Atlanta.

But he gave up his factory for the war. Wow. When a couple other more famous glove companies didn't. But I have. So did he like lose out on like Rawlings and then became bigger because he did?

Yes. Everything. That's fucked. But the glove I played Little League with, dude, the name in the middle was Warren Spahn. But it was like

a regular glove, right? Dude, I gotta show you pictures. Was it like from the 1800s? It was a 1947 glove. So it looked like a regular glove, right? Dude, I got to show you pictures. Was it like from the 1800s? It was a 1947 glove. So it looked like one of those, like, it had like fat fingers. Huge fat fingers. No padding in the middle. Forget about helmets and seatbelts.

You show up to practice with that thing from the 1800s. Signed from Warren Spahn? I mean, Jesus Christ. But I will tell you, can I? Oh, fucking, I can't believe i just remember this i remember the last time i took my grandfather to fenway park dude we were sitting in a box and he was just sitting there we're all kind of quiet and he goes you know i saw babe ruth pitch here and i was like oh pitch ruth but that's like you telling me you saw Paul Bunyan chopped yeah yeah to me that's like

it's it's not even real right but that to me I was like this is how close it is it's one generation well I think about that all the time like just in general when you think about like when you learned about uh history in school yeah, you would open up your textbook and these two pages would be, like, from the 1800s to 1950. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, like, if you cover, like,

you would talk about it in 50-year clips, right? So, in that regard, it's like, we are on the same pages in the chapter book, in the textbooks, as, you know, people who are in horse and buggies and shit. For sure. We are so close in the chapter book in the textbooks as you know people were in horse and buggies and shit we are so sure close in the grand scheme of like you know years and eras and humanity like we are not that far away from some bad shit and some questionable shit and some old shit you know yeah it's really it's really crazy to think about. Look, my dad's 87, right?

My mom, I just found this out about her. My mom was doing civil rights protests in the 50s. In the 50s in Boston. Yeah. Pre, because they wouldn't let these black kids sit at a soda fountain. Yeah. Well, they're still doing those in Boston. Yeah. Now my daughter're still doing those in Boston. Yeah. Now my daughter does it in 2024.

Come on, dude, they let the Celtics drink wherever they want to drink. By the way, man, and you know, I don't know if I told you I took this stand, too. You know how much of a diehard Boston sports fan I am. Yeah. I am, and I hate to say this cause my buddy is doing some shit over there, but I'm, I think I'm out on the Red Sox just because of John Henry and not spending

money and all that shit. Yeah. You, it's so insulting. Well, you guys are in a position. It's weird when you, when you have won before,

I feel like as a fan, you are emboldened to say i am now done with this when you when you haven't won yet you don't have the option to do that because it's like we have to just keep going with this shitty owner yeah but dude but once you've won several yep you can be like i'm not wasting my time with this anymore your guy at least tries yeah well that's what i got one now like like for the longest time the mets had the Wilpons who didn't. But because we had never won, I was one year old in 86, so I didn't know it. Like, I didn't have a choice because it was either

I never got to see a championship because I bail on my team or, like, we just stick it out and maybe we get lucky one year. Now that I have someone who spends, and hopefully we get to the promised land, going back to that life if ever they decide to stop spending, it's like, well, I can't do this anymore. That's interesting.

I hadn't thought of that for me. It's like, don't pretend like the Red Sox aren't in, they gotta be top 10 richest teams. Right. Got it. Yeah. You're making money.

Yeah. You have the highest ticket price in baseball. Your fan base is rabid and not dumb. And so don't try to push on us you know that team that won with gomes and victorino you know that was they did not put that team together to win right that was just lightning in a fucking bottle right and so they could try to sell it to the fan base we did it and not no you didn't you got lucky on that one that team never wins a championship ever again never

but you also have a fan base that will always I can't do it but there's so many people who will just still buy tickets to Fenway because they want to see the park and they want to do the experience that's why the worst part about it

the Knicks are a team that you know they always say in new york that you can't rebuild because there's like you need to sell tickets and fans won't sit through the dark years the knicks had a fan base that like never stopped coming never stopped buying tickets this is a basketball and they and they and they but they so they could have just done a rebuild in these times and like fully committed to it because the fans are still going every fucking night and you never even had to worry about that and yet they still didn't do it even though they had this golden ticket of like our fans will still come no matter what they still couldn't commit to just like let's

build a team the right way let's take five or ten years but we're going to get there instead it was always half measures where five or ten years later, you're in the same fucking spot. That's because everybody's walking down the street being assholes to each other. Well, no, honestly, I so the Mets fan base is the one that like I think the Mets fans are some of the worst fans in all sports. They are the most they immediately forgot about how bad things were with the will ponds and they became entitled and they're like every they won 101 games a couple years ago and fans were complaining they they just are the worst and they do not support the players and and that used to mean like you boo them at the stadium yeah now it means like we harass you on the internet

and dm your wife and we we fucking bother it's garbage and and but it's it's getting to a point where it's like why the fuck would you ever play here everywhere else you can still get the same money yeah it used to be like you got to go to the yankees to get the money but now you can get paid by like the texas rangers the padres and you get to live in southern california. And by the way, when you suck, nobody fucking cares and says a word. So why would you come to New York? That's got to be a huge one. That's one of the reasons why I would think, outside of having to live in St. Louis,

why being in St. Louis, that fan base. They support you through thick and thin. 100%. They almost support you more when you suck because they want to be known as the fan base that stood behind you. and it's like yeah that's amazing and when you get caught you know like fucking somebody or drunk driving or whatever it just like goes away for sure there's no 12 hours of 24 hours of phone calls and and months of sports radio talking shit and then i always used to say like but if you win in new york you're

like an immortal that's also true for everywhere now everywhere when Giannis wins a title in Milwaukee he is the king of Milwaukee even more so maybe dude because they have nothing the only show in town that's what I just said that to the guys the other day

in our group chat when you win in New York you will be idolized by those fans but there are people in New York who are going to seeway shows and they're here for the museums and the culture who don't even know about your sport whereas if you win in milwaukee it's like everyone from grandma down to like baby girls are this is immortalizing you this exact reason is why i was stunned to see calipari last so long in kentucky and and why when people like best job in basketball or the worst. Yeah, because you have to win every fucking year.

Or the worst because one, there's no pro sports. There's basically two schools, Kentucky and Louisville. And those are basketball schools. Big time. Everybody in that state is a Kentucky or a Louisville, right? Mm-hmm. That is a lose-lose because objectively, obviously the last four years for Cal haven't been great.

Right. But objectively, dude. He did his – He's done pretty well. Right. And especially if you look at the amount of NBA players. Well, that's the real thing. It's like you want to – I mean, he used to probably recruit by saying,

do you want to go to the NBA? Come here. Dude. Yeah, do it for a year and I will send you to the NBA. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of fucking names that came through there. Because that's really, at the end of the day, all these guys really want to do. Right.

But that's why I don't like college basketball, man. I can't watch it. I think it's boring as fuck. You don't give me time to – But you watch the NBA? Or you don't like college basketball, man. I can't watch it. I think it's boring as fuck. You don't give me time to – But you watch the NBA? Or you don't watch the NBA either? Nah, garbage. Well, yeah, that's the thing.

The first – Can I tell you something that I never thought would come out of my mouth? Women's basketball? I like the style of basketball more. I like it because it looks like basketball to me. Well, that's – I think we almost – And I live in Las Vegas, too. The Aces are –

I think we overcorrected in a way. Like basketball, it used to be – I liked it when it was like go to the hoop, go in the paint. Big men play with their back to the hoop. There was a couple shooters, and then there was like slashers and dunkers. And I like that because, yeah, you're moving the ball around and all that shit. And then came this era of, like, guys shooting from half court that in the beginning was cool because it was like, holy shit. These guys can hit it from everywhere. And now it's like everybody's doing that. So it's just like dribble across half court and shoot.

And it might go in. And the score might be 150 to 149. But there's no, like, oh, that was a sick backdoor cut because you ran this play and and i know that's some old man white shit too no dude it's the most boring thing it's not it's not great it's really and i know that's why the women are now able to compete on the same way because like shooting is shooting caitlin clark can shoot from the same spot on a 10-foot hoop that steve curry can but like that is just not that great of a product to watch. I will say, and I watched some women's basketball this year

for the first time, but the block shots make me laugh because neither the shooter nor the blocker, the person blocking the shot, has left the ground. I know. It's a block shot, but nobody left the ground for the layup and nobody left the ground to block it all this talk by the way all this talk about caitlin clark if you put her in in an nba game how many points could she score and all that i would love you know there's of course you could put me in an nba game and if i just cross half court and throw it up and it goes it might happen

but i would love to watch caitlin clark play wemby and try to get a shot off or try to get around him it's that dude is a fucking it's not fair when people are like she wouldn't score a point in the nba yeah yeah like like what's your point yeah that's not a knock on her what's your point yeah it's i look man my favorite is is hearing people who played high school sports just start to get out. This dude, she fucking, or he's like. Yeah. Come on, dude.

Yeah, get the fuck out of here. What are we doing? Yeah. Are you? Give me a goddamn break. Do you know what's been happening to me, by the way, recently? I've been getting more shit about my stand-up than I ever have from people. That's because you suck.

Not about that. You're you suck. Not about that. You're washed up. Not about being not. No, about like your material? Yeah. Like what you're saying? Yeah. Because I'm really.

Have you changed? Are you like pushing the envelope more? I talk about what I want to talk about. Yeah. And I will tell you, all of my jokes always, the stories don't push the envelopes, but there are always jokes in every story that does. Yeah, like a punchline or whatever. Yeah, that's because I'm telling stories about my life.

But I'm telling a story right now about this. Okay. I'll try to abbreviate it because I don't want to do a whole. But I have a residency Monday night in Vegas. Okay. And I was – Hell yeah, by the way. Dude, there was –

That's fucking great. Amazing. And I'm going to tell you something else, dude. My comedy has never been better. I feel so fucking good on stage. It's crazy. I'm telling this story – Basically, this is what happened at one of my shows.

There were these dudes stare packed house everyone's laughing except these two dudes arms crossed big dudes not muscle big but like you know like murica do you know what i'm talking about thick necked totally dudes totally and um look you're not gonna stare at me you don't have to laugh but you're not gonna just stare at me like a fucking statue right yeah so i said something to him just something stupid like hey move your fucking face or whatever it was yeah dude i start talking to these other people and i hear this one one of the dudes go do you like making fun of people. And I was like, oh.

Because, dude, no way this ends well for me, right? None. Yeah, you are fucked. Can I tell you honestly what my first thought was? Who brings a f***ing guy to a comedy show? And sits like front and pro. Yo, dude, like, that's a you. The ice cream store is open across the street. You know, he have more fun over there what are we doing at the very least you gotta like stop you know let me know or

stop me when i'm about to you know oh my god and i went straight into apology mode because i'm not a dude who makes fun of special needs people double down in that mode in that moment yeah kind of dumb and i apologize to the guy. Dude, I did the most heartfelt two-minute apology. Say, I'm sorry, you're f***ed. I said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

I told him, I was like, I'm sorry, and I really apologize. I just assumed that people who come to the show know that I'm going to talk to them, and I want to guarantee that I'm never going to talk to you ever again. And I told him that. I'm never talking to you. We ever again and i told him that i'm never talking we're done yeah you and i are not ever going to my show ever again brother i turned back dude he's wiping tears away with both hands come on we and here's the other thing i thought because i don't believe now cancel culture. So now he's a f***ing end of pussy. That's right, dude. Now you're a softie? Now you're going soft? Jesus Christ.

Dude, I was so... Because I don't believe in cancel culture, but I also think that if you're going to get canceled, making a f***ing guy cries on the list... Totally. It's top three. Totally. I'm surprised I didn't hear about this, right?

It's top three of people being like, hey, you should probably not be here for at least a month. Let's take a time out for a month. You know what I mean? Yeah. Dude, turns out he ends up leaving. He ends up leaving. Walked out mid-show.

He says, I'm not paying. I'm leaving. That's what he said. So I said to the server, I go, I want to tip you for the special needs dude who walked out. And she goes, what special needs dude? And I was like, the dude who walked out mid-show. And she was like, he wasn't special needs. He was just really drunk.

And I was like, what? Because Kevin. Well, now you're definitely getting canceled. Periodically during the show, he was making this noise. And people would laugh. And I would turn to him. I'd go, hey, he was making this noise. And people would laugh and I would turn to him. I'd go, hey, we're not doing that. Stop, stop, stop. We're not doing that.

We've got to be respectful. We're not bullying him. And I would tell him. And dude, when she was like, no, he was just drunk. I was like, wait, he drank himself? Hey, I mean. Have you ever been this drunk, dude? In public?

Not me. Not me. In public? Not me. Not me. In public? But I feel like I've seen a couple guys here and there. It was such a turnaround because for the whole show, I felt like, oh, I feel like such an asshole. Yeah. But if I had known he was drunk, yeah, I would have gone in on him even harder.

But I had people, when I tell that story story i have people come up to me on stage after the show in the meet and greet and they'll be like we like the show except for can't believe you use the r word i'm like what's the r word is not slang everybody and here's what you know where my line on that is because i i actually am somebody who's not like fuck you i get to say what I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I walk the line between what I think is sensible. Just like a regular human being.

It's like – If I call you a – I understand what you're saying to me because I'm using it in a negative – right? Yeah. But if I say, hey, this dude who was – this dude's – Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not negative. Right, right. I'm not casting any negative whatever towards this dude's yeah yeah yeah that's not negative right right i'm not i'm not casting any negative whatever is towards the intent behind it is not yeah yeah this is what we've lost his

intent right yeah this is why i love shane gillis dude his delivery is so genius because it's very mischievous right and he smiles or he giggles to let you know these are jokes, everybody. You have to remember that part. We do stand-up comedy. These are jokes. And sometimes I joke about things that I don't mean or think about or whatever. Just to make you get performing. I think even beyond jokes, sometimes if somebody tweets at me, writes a comment, whatever, and I start to feel a way about it, I'm like, wait a minute.

He's just busted my balls back. Yeah. Just fucking relax. Opinions are – And then when you see it through that lens, it's like, oh, we're all just fucking around here. So relax. I tried to tell Jacob – so Jacob, we do that podcast together now, right? Yeah.

Is he doing stand-up or just the podcast? Yeah, dude. He does – so our show Yeah, dude. He does. So, our show runs like this. He does 10 minutes in front of me. I do like an hour. We do a Q&A. We do a little – I do a little guitar and we're done.

It's a fucking banger of a show. Bro, you are doing – you are the LeBron James of basketball. Like, you did it long enough that your son could come up, and he's good enough to do it professionally, and you drafted him to your team, and now you get to go to work with your boy. Best time of my life, too. Yeah, watch him learn, watch him get better. You make a little bit of coin. You have some fun.

I take 10% of the money I pay him. Absolutely. Absolutely. How long have we known each other? When you were in that office by yourself, how many years ago was that? We... Is it eight? I mean, when I first interviewed you, we didn't have an office.

I just rented a space for you to come talk, I think. Was Chelsea still on? You were probably doing Chelsea, like the end of Chelsea? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say 12 years. This is... And I've done a lot of shit, dude, in my career. I've met a lot of great people and gone to a lot of cool places

and been able to experience a lot of cool shit. This time with Jacob, the best time of my fucking life. It's like what most people do in retirement, like spend time with their kids, except you didn't have to retire. You ramped up. You're probably doing more, doing better, making more money, getting to work with him, paving the way for his career. But technically you're like –

And happy, dude. Happy. You know what I never realized? Crazy, man. I never realized that I was living – because I'm on the road for three or four days a week, right? That means I was literally living half of my life alone. Right. And having all these experiences alone.

With nobody to share. Yeah, yeah. And so this has really, it's, dude. A little making up for lost time, a little bit of. A lot of guilt involved. Oh, I'm sure. In the traveling. Totally.

I'm sure you feel, right? Oh, absolutely, man. I mean, I don't travel as much, but even just, I mean, being a divorced dad, there's a whole other side of guilt in, of guilt in that, in that department. But like, do you miss games ever? No. I mean, I don't miss much. I really, I am.

I am. Yeah. That to me, like, uh, I almost, I make it like, I don't miss much. I really am. Like I work a lot and then I will be here for everything. And even if it's like a really good opportunity or my friends are doing something, I'm like, I will be, I go to like practices and shit. Like anytime, especially again, being divorced, it's like when she has, she has her time with

the kids, anything that is either, I have my time, but anything that might be neutral, like I'm going to, you know what I mean? So if it's a practice, if it's a afterschool thing, whatever, and I might be neutral, I'm going to. You know what I mean? So if it's a practice, if it's an after-school thing, whatever, and I can be there, I'm going. Can I tell you something? That as an older gentleman with a little – and anybody listening and you with your kids, I remember Jacob saying to me, you know know you showed up i i you showed up and i and i started to think about my dad man my dad was from a generation who didn't express a lot of emotion and when i was a kid i kind of was like pissed about that right but looking back as a grown-up he showed up every everything yeah that's yo i like 90 of the battle being there showing up and being there Grown up, he showed up at everything. Yeah. That's, yo, I.

Like 90% of the battle, being there. Dude, showing up and being there. Totally. And just being present. You don't even got to know what the fuck is going on, really. Right, right. I'm just there. Yeah, dude.

So your kid looks up in the stands and sees you. And by the way, your kid probably sucks. There's a good chance your kid eats a bag of dicks. Right, right. So just go have a good time. When I coached, you could ask any kid who ever coached on it or played on any team, my only goal was to make sure everybody who played

wanted to play again next year. Smart. That's a good bar to set. That's it, dude, because, look, if there's 15 kids on the team, 12 of them pick flowers. Right. 12 of them are fucking awful. Especially like in T-ball, there's going to be two kids who catch every ball.

They run around the field and they don't throw it to anybody. They ruin it for everybody else. They just run and tag everybody else. Like that's – and you know what? Those kids also not playing professional baseball. Right. Right. Did you grow up with anybody who ended up playing professional sports?

One dude from my high school got drafted in the 36th round to the Twins. And was he exponentially better than everybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think about that. 36th round. And he was like a nobody, but he was dominant at every sport in our school.

It's got to be so crazy, dude. Can you imagine being one of those dudes who really grew up the best at every sport? Bro. And then when they get to that next level, they're like – Are still the best. What about the people who get to the next level and they're like, oh, wait, I'm average here? Oh, well, that's the big reality check. That's the difference is the people who can make that adjustment and who can't.

Because, I mean, I think about, like, the guys who went out of high school to the NBA and didn't miss a beat. Oh, dude. You know, like, at this same time last year, you were playing against Ari Lieberman, who is 5'1", 130 pounds. Fundamentally sound, though. He was... He could run a pick and roll at the best of all. Fundamentally sound,

great set shot from the top of the key. No matter how good LeBron was, and every team he played probably had one other guy who was going to play college ball, but the rest of them were still like, that's a sophomore in high school you're playing against like literal children

and then he would you know in a matter of months he's playing against the best in the world and like right away put up like 25 five and five like dude we face that is not in high school not get enough credit that's crazy but because you 18, you're playing against men. Yeah. It went when I, my senior year in high school, our first game. And I grew up in Western mass. We played against Holyoke and Holyoke had this dude on the team named Mark Wohlers who pitched for the Braves.

He was the one who gave up. Yeah. Yeah. And in, in April, when it was cold, he was pumping 93, 94 with those metal bats, and the first kid on our team who went up, fouled one off, and he walked back to the bench. Oh my God.

Shaking his hands. Nobody on our team. Even made contact the rest of the night. Or tried. Yeah. Not worth it. No, dude. I'm not pumping in at 95 i'm not playing professional

baseball hell no yeah 90 93 94 in high school was like but i think when i was growing up 94 even in the pros was a little more oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that back then that was like if you hit 95 you were gassing it right now it's like everybody throws 95 they're 95 mile an hour sliders now it's fucking sickening i don't know where it stops. Are people going to be throwing 120 in 50 years? I think about the NBA all the time. Because if you look at not only how far they're shooting now with some kind of accuracy, but you look at— You've got to change the sport as we know it.

Because also some of those dudes, when they're dunking, their heads are now above the rim. Bro, watching Wemby play basketball, he's my new obsession. I fucking love Wemby Yama. He is... The fact that he can move at all, let alone gracefully dribble and move, catch alley-oops and dunk and shit,

he should be a freak who can't get out of bed in the morning, you know? I know. He should be a guy who, like, I can't tie my own shoes. I can't, you know, get through a doorway. And he's, like, crossing people up, shooting threes, blocking people without jumping, just swatting it away. He's like King Kong out there. I don't, I mean, and I can't touch the bottom of the net. Right. You know, it doesn't seem fair. No, it's really not. He's like King Kong out there. I don't, I mean, and I can't touch the bottom of the net. Right.

You know, it doesn't seem fair. No, it's really not. It's really not. How do I not, I can't touch, what's,

at what age you feel like you had your best hops and how close to a rim have you ever gotten? I, I could dunk. No, stop it right now. Not on 10 foot. Oh,

okay. But I'm saying, but I think it was like at my peak, it was probably close to like nine. Yeah, I think I'm in the nine. We used to break into this. But I used to always be able to like at my peak in basketball, I would clap the backboard. What age is your peak?

Like seven. Like my last year. Like high school. Like senior year of high school. Did you play high school basketball? Yeah. I was the captain on the worst basketball team you've ever seen. How many white dudes?

Many, many white guys. We were like 2 and 18. We were the worst. Any Jews on your team? Probably. I'm trying to think through the names. We had a couple fat Italians. Everybody was between 5'8 and 6'.

So like my coach once joked. He was like, I remember him saying in the beginning of the season, if this works, I'm going to write a book called Starting at Guard because the whole starting lineup was starting at guard, starting at guard, starting at guard. Because it was the big men versus the guards was just like a matter of maybe one or two inches and also like did you did you grow up playing with your back to the basket or did you grow up dribbling that was the only difference and i was i was very i was ahead of the game my sophomore year i was good i was on a jb team i was the only guy who

started out of freshmen and sophomores as a freshman i started like every game and they were like you're you know did you see basketball in your future no not like that but like college no no no no no no no no none of that okay my my peak was always going to be high school but i remember them being like we might call you up to varsity in your sophomore year if you you know keep on this track that's all i ever wanted was just to be like a good high school basketball player and uh as soon as two things happened one thing started getting really physical and i was i never went to the weight room i didn't lift so like as soon as guys started to like not you know defense used to be like just keep you in front of keep you in front of you as soon as it started being like we're body you around, I was getting fucking knocked left and right.

That and two, I got a girlfriend and started having sex. And then I stopped playing basketball. That was my sophomore year of high school. You were legit having sex a lot? Yeah, well, I had an older girlfriend. How much older? Two years older. And she was showing me the ropes.

You had a senior when you were a sophomore? How did that? Can I tell you, there had a senior when you were a sophomore? How did that? Can I tell you there was a senior when I was a sophomore and I remember after I had sex with her, she goes, you're my third wolf. And I go, what? She goes, I had sex with your two older brothers. No. So when she was a sophomore...

That's some predatory shit to be honest. That girl's got some issues, dog. When she was a sophomore, she had sex with my brother who was a senior. And then when she was a junior, she had sex with my brother who was a senior. And then when she was a junior, she had sex with my brother who was a junior. And then when she was a senior, she had sex with me as a sophomore. It's like a time machine for her.

It's just always someone to fuck at that level. It was like the Applebee's dick sampler. You know what I mean? Did all the brothers talk about it? Did you run to your brothers and be like, yo, we've all fucked Stacey? I think my brother who was right above me, we talked about it. But I don't think my older brother and I talked about it. I don't think – look, man, at the time, if you would – I was just happy to see a vagina.

I went from zero to 100. I had not done anything with any girl's mind. It's like a kiss. And then I started dating her and it was like in one weekend I had like done anything with any girls. Mine is like a kiss. And then I started dating her. And it was like in one weekend, I had my first kiss, my first blowjob, my first sex, my first everything. And I'll tell you mine. Your most embarrassing. I have two very embarrassing young sex stories.

One, I'll give you my two. One, the first time I went down on a girl she fell asleep no and kev not drunk or not like she was passed out asleep like you are doing it wrong okay so listen i meet i meet up with my friend who was with another girl in that and she was at her dad's apartment her dad was out of town so my buddy was with a girl in one room and me and this girl stacy were in the other room and i walk out and we're walking home and my brother my buddy was like so how'd it go this is how little about sex i knew i said i think i knocked her ass out and he was like that's my boy right so we're high-fiving so i get to school on monday dude you know i'm strutting it on the way

in right fucking strutting it put that bitch to sleep and one dude comes you're fucking ice cube dude so deep put her ass to sleep dude i was when i walked into that school i had a movie soundtrack in my head slow motion i knew everybody was just looking at me like this is the dude who knocks people out and my buddy goes to me, how'd it go? And I said, I knocked her out. And he goes, that's not the story she's telling everybody. What sucks about that, there's two sides to the story. Yeah, yeah.

One was delusional. Okay. The other one, dude. This was the worst. So the first time I went down with my hand on a girl, I didn't know that the hole... You went down on a girl with your hand? You mean finger her? Finger her, yeah. Okay.

So I didn't know the hole was so far back. I know. You think it's like forward. Well, because the dick is here. Yeah. So I was pushing like maybe it was going to open up yeah like it was like a like a venus fly trap where you had to touch it a couple times and it so i was bumping yep here and then when i went down further and i finally hit it i legit thought i missed it and i was that

i was in the butthole and i said to her am i in your butthole? She was like, what? She goes, no. And I go, okay, good. Am I in your butthole? I just didn't want to be in her butthole. You know what I mean? Just in case she didn't want me in her butthole. Yo, that's very fucking funny. I've gone too far.

Oh, I thought for sure. I have just skimmed over. Well, that is a, you learn that quickly. Just how goddamn close those two things are how old were you when you when you found out that the p-hole and the vagina hole were two different things 35 yeah i was in that area too i mean that that whole thing of like i mean it's just crazy to have basically one little bridge of skin yeah separating two very different situation yet also similar yeah holes tell me your most embarrassing young person sex situation

you're like i've been fucking people good my whole life i've been laying dick down since i was 14 years old i did i can't i think i came out of the gates too hard and was doing some stuff at a young age that I probably shouldn't have been doing. Really? Yeah. Like, I mean, she was like, she was showing me the ropes. We were doing a lot of shit that I think about now at the time. I was like, this is cool.

Like what? And now have it like all of it, bro. Everything you see in porn we were doing. I was young. No. And I think like minus like, you know, the new age shit of like choking and like spitting on people. By the way, that's spitting on people?

But all the holes and all the things, you're out on the spitting? If you spit on me, I'm punching you in the face. Yeah. Well, I, there's a lot of things that I will do and not get done. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll literally, you know, do whatever you want to you.

But to me, one time a girl fucking slapped me in the face and kind of got my ear. And it was like ringing. And I was like, don't like that. No thanks. You almost just knocked me out. Put me to sleep. You wake up, your watch is gone. What the fuck?

Would you shit on somebody? No. No, no, no. I don't think I could. I'd probably pee on somebody, though. I would. But I mean, shit. Yo, we were just talking about this before a guy in the nba had uh lana rhodes the porn star on his on his podcast michael porter jr and he was talking about how guys in the nba have so much access to so much sex that they're all doing weird shit they're fucking guys they're

having sex with transsexuals and then lana rhodes chimed in about some other fetishes and she mentioned guys wanting to eat poop cookies see and i just like i don't get the first of all why cookies but why not uh why not a a nice uh you know a loaf of bread why not a banana not a thin slice of poop in between some bread that you like why you know why there's already nuts in the poop it's so disgusting it's disgusting i but it's my rock star theory that the reason the rock stars get caught the reason mick jagger fucks david bowie is because they've seen so much pussy that i get where it's just like this is sex this is still just sex and i fucked all the girls in the world and i'm now get where it's just like this is sex this is still just sex and i fucked all the girls in the world and i'm now interested what it's like to fuck a man i don't know okay

fine there's gay guys there's bisexual guys and you are so straight you've now come back around and fuck men that's fine uh if you want to experience you want to pee and do the poops there's still like but like like and even i i don't get the poop stuff but all right i don't know there's something you like if how it feels but just eating a cookie there's nothing inherently sexual about that you know what i mean everybody does weird stuff with bodily fluids to each other in all different holes all different genders all that sex just eating something that's filled with shit is not a kink that's like you're just fucking fucking warped. Here's what I – and I feel like I've had a good amount of sex in my life. Done it a couple times.

I can't imagine between the three holes getting tired of all of them. Every now and then you go through a rotation where you're like, I'm doing this for a little while. You have a phase. Yeah, I like this. This is what I'm doing right now. But it's not like, you know know what i've seen too much vagina well you know what i described it as my favorite flavor of ice cream there's a bunch of stuff i will get sick of but there's this there's why no ice cream i can eat every single day for the rest of my life and i'll always be

happy and that's like the sex that i do and i and it doesn need to change. That's my ribeye steak. Right. It's always going to be pleasurable to me. You know? I will tell you, like, if I was having sex with somebody and they spit on me, we might fight.

But if my mouth was open, we were fighting for sure. What I see, the first time I saw porn where some dude spit in this girl's mouth, I was like, what is happening right now? Like, that was the first time I saw porn where some dude spit in this girl's mouth, I was like, what is happening right now?

Like that was the first time. Well, that's another generational thing you got to worry about too. I ever felt old watching porn. Right. I was going to say like that's normal. You know, your son's probably like, and then what happened? Like who cares? But he's had porn in his pocket. I know.

I talked to, you know, some of the things I'm talking about on stage right now. But I got into a conversation with a kid and I was like, how old were some of the things I'm talking about on stage right now, but I got into a conversation with a kid and I was like, how old were you when you saw your first porn? And he was like, 11?

Yeah. It's not normal. And also his first porn was like a 35 minute gangbang HD fucking. My first porn was like literally a still picture of boobs.

My first porn, listen, if you went, I saw magazines in the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah dude or a girl's gone wild video or something like that i was pre that not a fucking tell you something right now if you walked down the right path and lifted the right rock you could find porn right now you were jerking

off in the woods dude i have found in this world you either come from a town where there's a box of porn in the woods or there's not. And so to me, I was like, yeah, man. I can tell you, I know the kid and his older brother who showed me where it was. It was a giant box. Hopefully it wasn't wet from the rain. And it was a communal thing. They were dirty and moldy.

Terrible. But then I would say that to certain people or talk about it on the podcast. And if that's not in your world, you're like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? You guys all went to the woods together. What are you fucking talking about on the podcast. And if that's not in your world, you're like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? You guys all went to the woods together. What are you fucking talking about? I just did Wiz Khalifa's podcast, right?

Hell yeah, that's awesome. And I talked about, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to look at magazines in the woods and they were all like, what? I go, you guys didn't have magazines in the woods?

And they were like, what? They go with it. You either know it or you don't. Yeah. Yep. And then it's a totally normal thing. They're like, wait, holy shit they were like, what? They Googled it. You either know it or you don't. Yeah. Yep. They Googled it. And I was like, there's a-

And then it's a totally normal thing. They're like, wait, holy shit. Yeah, there's a million hits about it. Because where else were you going to keep the magazines? You can't keep it in your house. No, because also, I think back then, parents were way more likely to snoop. My parents were in my shit. I was in my kid's shit, too, by the way.

I mean, you're pretty open with your kid. Did you have a talk with him being like, porn is weird now, and this is not what sex is like, and all that? I get worried about them thinking that that's regular. Like I said, I think I was doing some shit too early that I think about now. I wouldn't be the guy being like, hell yeah, son, you were doing anal sex too early. I think you should have a progression and so but i also like i i don't know how to have those conversations yet you know what i i basically told him what you're into is gonna be what you're into but you it's got to come with respect like whatever's happening both of you need to be on the same page

sure so you can't just be spitting on people that like right i am here for dinner yeah you know you just spit on my shrimp cocktail right like what are we doing i i very open with all of my kids and we have very jacob and i have some crazy conversations we have very – Jacob and I have some crazy conversations. We have crazy conversations. You know the reason I like doing the podcast with him the most, dude, is we really get to get into some things that either bothered him growing up or like I missed his prom. And I – after a while with my career, I was like I'm going to miss games. But I don't want to ever miss singular events. The big things that aren't happening again. Yeah, yeah.

And I held that guilt for a long time. And on the podcast, we get to talk about it. Yeah, because it's not something you would just bring up. But maybe for the sake of content or entertainment or, oh, there's going to get a lot of downloads. But you also get it off your chest and have that conversation. It's been so cool. And can I tell you the absolute coolest thing about this podcast we're doing we get messages every day either from parents or from kids parents who are like hey do you know my son and i listen to your podcast together that's cool and because of the talks you and jacob have

we have a relationship now we never had before in That's very cool. In New Zealand, dude. That's awesome. This guy gave me a hug, you know, dick to dick hug. Do you know when, that's when you're serious, that hug. You really meant it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're tip to tip. And he was, I could feel him shaking. I go, what's wrong? And he was crying. And Jacob was talking to his son. He goes, hey, my son's 26.

He's never asked me to do anything with him ever before he was like i really want to thank you and jacob this has been the best night hell yeah that's awesome man that kind of stuff yeah is really why like this stuff with jacob is important to me totally i mean i i can't even imagine. It's awesome. It's been so cool. And on top of that, to like, to have him be interested in what I do and to talk comedy, to break down jokes. I'm a comedy nerd, dude. You like doing that with anybody, let alone getting to do it with like, you know, your

favorite person in the world. It's been so, it's been seven days. To have like real conversations, you know, you're not just, I think I had my first actual conversation with my son the other day. He had like, he had like a six-year-old breakdown yeah he was like he didn't want to go to martial arts anymore and the last couple times he had gone he was kicking and screaming and his mom called me being like can you tell him like he's got to go to practice and whatever and the floodgates just opened and he was like i can't do it all i can't do it man he was doing baseball basketball football and martial arts and school and he just had this like it's over

scheduled totally right and well it was it was like as a couple sports were ending a couple sports were starting so we had this two-week period where he did everything and every time he did it with a smile and was happy and we didn't think twice about it but all of a sudden he was like you know and the funniest part was i think what really bothered about martial arts is every couple months there's a test to win your belt and he likes getting the belt but it also gives him stress and he was like and then every month there's a test and i have to answer these questions and i don't know korean because a lot of them get to repeat a couple korean words and shit and i was like word man i hear you like i never thought about it that way like you're worried about korean phrases

you know and and i and it was but it was the first time that i was like yo like thank you for saying that and like telling me and like and yeah like we will take you out of this if you don't want to do it. And we'll schedule. Can I tell you, dude, what's really important? In my mind, if you want to have an open relationship with your kids as they get older, two things. One, they can't be scared to go to you. So fear can't be part of the regimen for you. It never was for me.

I never thought getting somebody to do something out of fear was a good motivator yeah because they're not they're just gonna be sneaky right totally they're just gonna be and i think very strict parents just make really sneaky kids absolutely do you agree with that totally because all the kids that i knew growing up who had sneaky parents like the girls they packed different clothes in their bags they knew what they were doing yeah all you do is create like a little sociopath. You create somebody who can figure out how to lie. Yeah, yeah. So you can't parent by fear.

You have to take an L every now and then. That's good advice. To prove to them that it's worth having this conversation. Right. I like that.

Right, because if you're like talking to me about everything. You're not going to get anything out of it if you lose every single time. Why are they coming to you? Right, right, right. If you're saying out loud,'re like, you talk to me about everything. You're not going to get anything out of it if you lose every single time. Why are they coming to you? Right. Right. If you're saying out loud, you can come to talk to me about everything, but they take

an L every time? Yeah. That's a great point. You have to take an L. Right. And you have to go, you know what? I see where you're coming from. Thank you for talking to me about this.

That's good advice. It shows them. I will change or you will do whatever you need. I don't win every time, but this dude's listening to me. And that comes along with respect, dude. They have to know that you respect what they're saying to you. Even at a young age, if you're like this fucking, he doesn't know what the fuck. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. But give him that. I had, I had, my daughter did something the other day. I think tried to, it was something – she broke something or did something wrong and it wasn't a big deal but it was like I think she was afraid I was going to be mad. And I just tried to have that conversation where I was like if anything – like you can always come to me. Like if you crash the car one day and you're scared that I'm going to be mad, like still come to me and like i won't i'm never gonna yell at you i'm never gonna you know whatever but it was like it was such a little i can't even remember what she did and i think it was a little too early and she was like what are you fucking talking about dude and i was just like i don't know i start i literally

started talking about you're one day you're gonna get your license and if you crash the car you're gonna be afraid that i might be mad at you but don't be afraid of that because i'm always worried about your safety and she was just like you're sitting on my elmo yeah can i go back to coloring now and i was like yeah okay whatever a little bit ahead of myself a little bit ahead of the car it's funny sometimes you'll have a conversation i remember having this fucking full-on real meaning of life conversation with my oldest son. He was like six. And dude, he's back in the car seat, and I'm talking to him through the rear view. And I went through this whole meaning of life thing, and he goes, I go, you know what I'm talking about?

He goes, he just looked out the window, and he goes, I have to poop. And I was like, that's right, you're six. Totally. Can I go back to my video game now? Yeah, my bad. You're just waiting for me to stop talking so this can be over. Yeah, my bad. I will say, man, I didn't think I would love it so much, parenting.

Being in that, yeah. And truly continues to be, and I know this sounds corny or whatever, truly continues to be the most rewarding thing. Well, I think you're also, you know, you're doing it right, man. You're doing it better than anybody. The fact that you've probably got a little bit lucky, but also probably fostered it in the sense that

he's interested in what you're interested in and you're doing it together. It's a very cool thing to watch. And I can see, I mean, me and John fucking around on this show, we have a lot of people saying like, what you've done for us is like amazing. And I'm always like, I don't even know what we did for you but i'm happy we did it but i can understand parents fathers coming to you being like this is something me and my son do together now and like that's a hard you know topic to broach being like friends with your with your dad and son and you know like being friendly but also you

know having the right power dynamic and all that sort of shit so to son and to you know like being friendly but also you know having the right power dynamic and all that sort of shit so to be able to just be like here's something we do together and it's a father and son duo i think it's very very cool and i'll tell you something else just if we get into stand-up i know a lot of people think that because it's father and son or whatever it's just going to be corny and parent jokes that's not what the show is he's a grown-up right he's saying and doing whatever he wants to talk about our q a on stage together is very grown up and my material man i don't tell kids stories anymore i don't have kids right i tell stories about

special needs people at my shows right you know i tell like so it's a real but here's what's crazy. Even though the material isn't wholesome and there's a ton of whatever off-center jokes and pushing the envelope, people are like, the show feels wholesome. Yeah. And your crowd, I remember that one time I opened, I was like, these guys, this is a nice crowd of people. They are nice people. Yes. You know, which is, I don't, you know, I don't know if that was by design or luck or a combination of both, but that's also gotta be pretty cool that like every night,

you know, your crowd is like super, a good crowd. Yeah. Do you know also every Friday night late show, I take like two and a half to three grams of mushrooms and go on stage. Hell yeah, dude,

just fuck around. It's fucking, I was in Springfield, Missouri this past week. And, um, at one point I started telling this joke and some guy goes you just told this joke he's repeating yourself i was so fucking gone he goes you just told this one i was like my bad sorry about that everybody can i tell you that's so cool to be at that level, though, because even when I'm doing live podcasts, I feel like if I mess up one thing,

I start to sweat and worry about what the audience thinks. You're at the point where you're riffing. You might be repeating jokes. You might not. You don't even know and don't care. I'm telling you right now. That's great. The show, and I don't think you've ever heard me talk like this.

We've known each other a minute. The show is so good. Yeah. I've never been better. When I walk on stage now, I'm like... Totally confident in it. I'm going to fucking wreck this show.

That's awesome, man. It's been... That's great. And I do eight hours of stand-up a week. Woof. So I turn... At your age? Yeah.

Good for you, Gramps. But you know what's crazy? Put that in perspective. For comics, you're like, you worked eight hours this week? I know. Yeah, shit, dude. Eight whole hours this week eight whole hours take a week but it's like yeah tell a regular person go up on stage for one hour a night for eight straight days i feel more comfortable on stage than i do off yeah absolutely you get to the point like when i have a microphone in front of me it's like my

you know it's my my safety net dude when you started you were still one foot in law right uh accounting accounting right yeah yeah yeah to that long gone that little office man i was thinking about this when i walked up here today it's so it's so cool to see how you have not only stuck in it through everything. A long time, yeah. Are you the longest employee? You know, Dave. But, yeah, after that, it's me.

But, like, and how you've adjusted and adapted. And, dude, to see the guests that you two fucking idiots get on the show. I know, man. It's crazy. It's so crazy. I mean, I still. When you were sitting with Wahlberg, I was like, what's happening? That was nuts, man, it's crazy. It's so crazy. I mean, I still... When you were sitting with Wahlberg, I was like, what's happening? That was nuts, man.

Did... Like, I feel like with comedy, we've, like, we made a lot of inroads. Yes. And we made a lot of connections, and we did it right. So, like, those are, you know, kind of fitting and deserved. And then every now and then, we'll catch, like, a Hemsworth, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? How handsome in person? Incredible.

Incredible. Did you... Incredible. Did you watch... Okay. Incredible. Did you watch his show on Apple? His show? He had a show where he did five or six episodes of learning new skills. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's maybe part of what he was promoting with the movie.

But yeah, he was very cool. We watched that whole thing and I turned to my wife and I was like, I would let him have sex with me. Yeah, I mean, he's so handsome and so charming. So cool.

He was exactly that way in person too. Damn it. It was actually funny. The first thing that happened, John opened up what he thought was a bottle of water, but it was sparkling water.

And we went to him at a press junket in a hotel i think we had 10 minutes total with him so i was like we got to ask this question this question this question this question and we're out you know and john gives himself like a facial and and we're sitting on those stools like our knees are almost touching and he's like god damn it we all went in there being like am i I, is, you know, wrinkles?

Am I good? Like, you know, and then John just facials himself. But it was actually kind of good because I was like, I don't even know how to start this. By the way, not the first time John's facials himself. For sure.

I had a buddy of mine who used to be like, you know, I jerk off and I just leave it on my stomach. I'm like, what? I go, you jerk off on yourself? And he goes goes what do you

do i go like a sock or a towel anything else yeah he goes you just don't put it on your stomach i'm like i love nothing better than when somebody especially on a podcast admits what something they think is casual like normal there was a clip the other day i hope it was fake because that's the other thing you never know with these clips anymore but this guy it was a black dude and a black woman and he was going every time you shit you shit in your hands so you you gotta like wash your hands it was one of those things or whatever and she was kind of like what no like and he was he goes you shit into your hands and then you put it into the water right like right and they were like no and he was like you put the toilet paper on your hand and you shit into it and then you put that all in the toilet and thinking it was going to be one of those like do you wipe standing

up or sitting down where it's 50 50 and the whole room was like say what now no i don't shit into my own hand first of all you freak standing up and sitting down should not be 50-50 it is it really is though it's crazy it's that's that's that's a thing i learned and i i remember thinking standing up 50 yep i remember thinking standing up is crazy yeah and pat mcafee me, dude, mix in a squat every now and then and you'll realize. He's like, my legs are too big. I can't just lean. And he's like, I have to like stand up, spread my legs and get in there. Why can't he just spread his legs on the toilet?

You don't want to go front. Oh, yeah. By the way, the people who go front. Freaks. Because there's no way you don't have dirty nuts. Yeah, you're pulling it up into you. I remember when my grandfather told me once, he was like, you know, when you get older,

you're going to have to hold your nuts in your hand so you don't poop on them. I was like, what? He was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Shitting on your nuts is a real thing. I'm like, for who? He was like, wait until you're 60. You'll see.

And now, dude, I'm getting there. Your grandfather clock's swaying man I honestly told Beth I'm like I'm gonna see if I can't Like You can try I want like a little nut Cup

For the inside of the toilet So I can put my Put them there Yeah like you know when you clean your golf ball Do you know what I'm saying So like Maybe there's like a little lavender mist And while you're shitting

Your nuts get a little washed Dude, tell me that's not a terrible idea I've heard worse I've heard worse Yeah, I appreciate it Well, I hope I hope we can Do this

We've been doing this for a long time And I hope we're still doing it When you're holding your nuts And putting it in your lavender mist Holder Buddy, I'm so happy for you. I really am, and I will send you my first prototype.

I'll be your first investor. Are your nuts wiggling out of your underwear yet? How old are you? 39. I do have long nuts. I do on your long days and your short days my long days we're swinging but i don't think they're coming out of my boxers like

out of your briefs well not yet wow that's pretty low yeah dude i got a ways to go i guess still a lot still a lot to learn in this game nobody you've always been a mentor to me you've always told me what's coming and now good luck man I appreciate you having me on my man thanks dude appreciate it សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.