KFC Radio - We List Things That are for the Girls and Girls ONLY Ft. Colin Quinn

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Timcodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:02:28 Rogan sucks at Instagram 00:05:44 Banshees of Inisherin Golden Globes 00:08:24 Relapse Drinking crew 00:10:07 Saudi Arabians have their eyes on WWE 00:14:08 Andrew Tate may have been fake arrested 00:17:04 https://www.insider.com/andrew-tate-tiktok-hustlers-university-misogyny-women-comments-mens-rights-2022-8 00:18:23 Em Ratta seen with Eric Andre 00:20:46 https://pagesix.com/2023/01/10/emily-ratajkowski-goes-on-dinner-date-with-eric-andre-after-pete-fling/ 00:24:49 Living in a post-sex society 00:27:19 Girls love doing everything 00:32:02 Things that are only for the girls 01:09:25 Video Voicemails +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Factor Go to https://barstool.link/FactorKFC and use code KFC60 for 60% off your first box ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You can't even eat soup! Yeah, see? Get out of here! This is what you are condoning! No, no. It's a edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

It's Clancy and Feidelberg coming back at you. We got today is who's the biggest asshole day we'll also do our voicemails as usual and who's our nobody we had no interview today

oh shit fucking Colin Quinn baby we went from nobody to a comedy legend we got Colin Quinn on the show today I thought we already aired that so who was just the fucking best somebody was asking me the comedy legend. We got Colin Quinn on the show today. I thought we already aired that. Fucking right. So who is just the fucking best? Somebody was asking me the other day, like, what happened to Colin Quinn?

I was like, he's still the man. He's just like in New York doing his thing, being awesome, as always. I want to go to his show. Well, we said, I told you last week about going to Bobby Kelly's show. Yeah, we go to Bobby Kelly. He's Tuesdays at the Fat Black Pussycat as Bobby Kelly, who is like the most underrated dude in the fucking world. And Colin's show is later this month.

He's also, no, maybe he's retweeting that it's like started. Those are two guys that it's like, like it happened with me with Bobby where I was like, Bobby is a goddamn legend with one of the best stories you'll ever fucking hear. Like his coming of age story is, I told him he should make it into a movie like in and out of juvie and jail at 13 like addict sober by 13 or by 16 you know so like just crazy heartbreaking shit that ends up being come like become this funny uh amazing you told me he told that on rogan right yeah i mean he's told a couple times but he told it on rogan like it was like a 20 minute like uninterrupted thing i'm finally traveling this week, so I will listen to it then.

Bro, I was crying and laughing. I don't even want to say some of the details because it's so much better coming from him. Listen to Bobby Kelly on Rogan. When he starts telling his life story, it is fucking unreal. And Colin's another one. And it's like, we just have access to these guys they're up and doing shows in new york and you know people it's like go you gotta fucking go buy this special watch the shows go see these guys they are absolute immortals um speaking of

rogan i i'm sure this isn't like uh breaking news but i follow rogan Instagram. And this is coming from me, who is arguably one of the worst Instagram users of all time. Rogan's got the worst. It is awesome. It's actually so awesome. It's Rogan in a nutshell, because he just does what he wants to do. He just put steak and eggs. I'm sure it's elk or whatever. He has 500,000 likes on this picture.

It's just... Bro, my first... This is just a weight. It's like exclusively... Bone marrow. It's exclusively animal parts, him in ice baths, and weights. Yeah. It's a lot of food. There's Dave. Burt promo. It's like...

It is... Oh, tattoos of Joe. Tattoos of Joe get posted a lot, too. It is... And I mean this lovingos of Joe get posted a lot too It is And I mean this Lovingly I think Like it's It's We're gonna get to this later

If you're a guy It's better to be bad at Instagram Than good at Instagram Oh I like that It's like you should Like dude Yeah being good at Instagram Don't be fucking good at Instagram

Yeah that is That is some lame ass shit I think my first Instagram post ever Was like kinda joking But also like not really Cause it wasn't like I mean I didn't even really use social media That is some lame ass shit right there. I think my first Instagram post ever was kind of joking, but also not really, because it wasn't like... I didn't even really use social media. I had Facebook, but I got Instagram and Twitter after I worked

at Barstool. It's not like, whoa, I was crazy late. It was just like, that was kind of the time it lined up. I think my first Instagram ever is just a bowl of soup and it's hashtag soup because i was like i don't know what to do i knew at the time that was like phone eats first era like big time which still is around but that was like that was big phone

eats first i was just like okay dude let me take pictures of food on this the people who still hashtag and i filtered the fuck out of it. Sepia. Dude, the people who are like hashtag comedy, hashtag funny, hashtag laugh, hashtag guys, hashtag girls. That doesn't work, right? That can't possibly work. Well, I think it works on TikTok, right? Isn't that what we were taught?

I mean, I can't. I cannot even. No, I'm not doing that. I just won't. I refuse to do any of those things, even if they're like, you can tell me right now that that will make the job better. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I just won't. I refuse to do any of those things, even if they're, like, you can tell me right now that that will, like, make the job better. I'm like, I'm not doing it. I absolutely refuse to further my career. I fucking refuse to do it. Rogan is incredible, though.

Rogan is, like, he is a social experiment of if you took a dude, just a dude, true dude, and gave him, money and power and and you know and like usually with these things it's like oh but you can't do that because like the fame would change him and it would corrupt him and he would be different like he's just still like this meathead dude and it's like what happens if you just take uh like a fucking jujitsu hunter and gave him like probably a billion dollars and this is it moves to texas moves to Texas. That's about it. That's about it, man. He just like works out and talks about dude shit. He's just the ultimate dude rocks.

But I'm sure he like, you know, even Rogan, it's like, dude, you have to post on Instagram. You have to. Come on. We're going to make another like $500 million if you post on Instagram. All right. I'll fucking put my breakfast up. The elk that I hunted again. We're going to make another like $500 million if you post on Instagram. All right. I'll fucking put my breakfast up. The elk that I hunted again.

We've got, we'll rip through some of like the news topics, and then we got to get into our Me Too Too movement because you bitches are running rampant right now. Okay. First of all, real quick news topics. Banshees and insurance. Suck my dick, baby. Fuck you. It's the best movie ever. Also, I'm changing a question. You can't start doing

victory laps for Golden Globes. I'm not, but Golden Globes is a predictor. We'll see. If you lose the Globes, you have no shot of winning. True. That's your Oscar campaign. It ramps up now. Banshees fucking clean up the Globes. And the reason I said all that is to say

that I want to make a change to last week where I said Ryan Reynolds is my Mount Mushroom actor. It's Colin Farrell. With fucking by a long shot. Yes. Colin Farrell over Ryan Reynolds interview? Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely, dude. I could get that one.

It's not even... You know what? I could get that one because I think Colin Farrell is more of a dude. He's very affable. But I think he would be more of like a real life guy. I think Ryan Reynolds would put on a Hollywood show. Yeah.

It would be fine. It would be funny. It would be good. We'd like him. But I think Colin Farrell would like sit down and drink some whiskey with us. He wouldn't do that.

Not that. Maybe at one time. Not that. But he would be like himself in Banshees. It would be like, you know, belly up to the bar and just fucking talk. I think his, I was just like Googling him last night. Just like about, I mean, he's the fucking man.

Even when he's giving a speech where he's like talking about just all kinds of stuff. And he can hold it with that piano. That piano girl was getting her shit run, dude. People were fucking, dude, the chick from Everything Everywhere All at Once was like, I'll come over and beat you up, and that's true. Like, she's like, oh, and I can do that. Like, it was... Like, everyone was like, fuck you, Sean. Like, just...

Dude, they had to do full-on concerts to get people off the stage. Like, it was just loud, like, fanning with the album. Like, ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! People just talking. People didn't give a shit about this lady.

People were loving Jennifer Coolidge, huh? Yeah, yeah. She... I don't know. I found the whole show to be pretty awkward. People were loving Jennifer Coolidge, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I found the whole show to be pretty awkward, to be honest, and she was part of it, too. I thought that was awkward, too. It was a little weird. I didn't think it was as good as hyped up to be. But Colin Farrell.

Eddie Murphy was the. He was the highlight. Yeah. But Colin Farrell is, I read what his weekly intake was. Pretty solid. What is that? Pretty solid. intake was pretty solid what is that pretty solid it was like four grams of coke 40 pills of molly uh only three bottles of whiskey uh 12 bottles of red wine 40 40 pints it was a genuine only

oh it was yeah like three bottles of whiskey a week is it's a lot but it's a lot when put with all that i mean it's a lot no matter what but it's it's a lot when put with all that. I mean, it's a lot no matter what. But it's a... When combined with everything else, it's a real lot. When did he clean up his ass? I don't... I didn't get that far. But it was... He used to throw down.

It'd be great to relapse with Colin Farrell. Just one time, dude. One time for the boys. We'll add Farrell to the relapse drinking crew. Yeah. Fardazzi, Soder, Colin Farrell, Joe List. Dude, he... The relapse drinking is obviously a horrible thing,

but my God, wouldn't it be the greatest? Let's do a TV show. Relapse. Relapse. Let's do a cartoon show. We don't have to ruin lives we'll just like what would whatever oh yeah i like things based in reality um i i i hear the pain in uh in like uh shane gillis's voice and uh santino and the guys who are still drinking who are like i missed like the good era like i missed the golden era of you guys partying

like now there's nobody left so many comics are sober or they're like you know at least slowing down and those guys are like but i mean that that would be a wrecking crew drop colin farrell in the mix that's we we did the the over the years we've done like the birthday drinking crew and all those like those things. The relapse crew? Yeah. The three or four people. Let's do four people who are sober now who you want to relapse with. That'd be sick.

That'd be sick. That'd be sick. That's like the most fucking insensitive thing we've ever done. Dude, I think that'd be sick. Dude, I think alcoholics just haven't tried not being an alcoholic. Oh, really? Like, just drink a little less. Just.

Just. Yeah, have you guys ever thought about just chill? Just relax a little. Take a breath. Relax a little less. Relax a little more. Drink a little less. Let's see. We got to fire through.

WWE news. Yeah. Saudi Arabia is about to buy this podcast, and I don't give a shit. I would sell to the Saudi Arabians. Bro, in a fucking heartbeat. In an absolute heartbeat. Not only would we get a boatload of money, we could go back to saying whatever the fuck we want. No, I disagree with that.

I think it goes the other way. What do you mean? I think if Saudi Arabia buys you, you have to follow Saudi Arabia. We'd have to be like, women stink. Well, yeah, but I think we kind of align with Saudi Arabia buys you, you have to follow Saudi Arabia. We'd have to be like, women stink. Well, yeah, but I think we kind of align with Saudi Arabia. Women drive cars. What? No, that's not Saudi Arabia.

If we pitch the Me Too 2 movement to the Saudi Arabians, they'll fucking go head over heels for that shit. They'll give us a raise. They'll give us even more blood money. You guys heard that chicks are crazy? They'd be like, let's go! I like these guys. I like what they're saying over here. And you know what else I think?

We covered them up all the time. These guys are the best. Again, I don't think I'm talking about Saudi Arabia. I'm really talking about the Middle East. Whatever. I believe so. No, no, wait, no, no. I'm getting Saudi Arabia confused with the UAE.

Yeah, no, no. Saudi Arabia is bad, dude. Saudi Arabia is like, chop your hands off. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, no, wait, no, no. I'm getting Saudi Arabia confused with the UAE. Yeah, no, no. Saudi Arabia is bad, dude. Saudi Arabia is like, chop your hands off. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, no, they're the bad guys. And we want you to buy us for sure. I'm not racist. I'm just dumb.

There was news that the WWE sold to them, and now there's news that there's not. That's bullshit. They're 100% going to go sell it. Oh. Because Vince wants to be the boss again, and he can't be because of those sexual misconduct allegations yeah he goes to the one place where they're like we don't give a fuck you can be the boss again did you say i divorced her three times in the town square yeah golden sounds good so maybe this one is falling through or not gonna happen but either i'll put it this way i don't know if it's gonna

go saudi arabia vince will be the boss yeah It's either going to be like, well, I sell them to Saudi Arabia and I'm the boss, or you guys just let me be the boss and we keep it here. You tell me. I don't even get why. I guess it's just a business acquisition for Saudi Arabia. They do a lot of work in Saudi Arabia. I think it's just big over there. I think they just love it.

They'll pay guys like $10 million for one night. You just come over and wrestle a match for our fans. It doesn't even count in the real world, but you get to watch it, and they get tons of money. I think it's almost like bachelor party type shit. Come over here and hang out with us for one night, and here's a bajillion dollars. That's pretty good. I would do that shit.

It's like when Floyd goes and spars for them. Yeah, dude. I would do that shit. If they came to me and they were like, hey, will you do a live show for us? Here's a million dollars. I'd be like, absolutely. How do I get there? Yeah.

Get on the fucking next plane. I don't really know exactly where it is, but could you come pick me up? Oh, we'll pick you up. Yeah. Yeah, pick us up, man. We'll pick you up. Don't worry about it.

So that news was announced, but nobody credible announced it, and then it fell through, which I know a lot about right now. I don't think no one credible announced it. I saw all the wrestling guys going nuts last night. Yeah. It was all those guys.

It was just fans and one wrestling website, but nothing credible. And then the credible people came out and were like, no, it's not. But that's where I'm saying I think it's true. Yeah. It's a certain smoke-there's-fire situation. That's literally exactly what I said on One Minute Man. It was like, and also, it's just. Yeah. I mean, it's a certain smoke. There's fire situation. Literally exactly what I said on one minute, man. It was like,

uh, and also it's just, if you know, Vince McMahon, like this is life imitating art. Yeah. He's, he did this with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Like, like, like he'll burn down the company before he gives up power. You know what I mean? Like he doesn't. Yeah. Like it's always been the thing. Like,

you know, like Stone Cold wins this match. Like Vince has to leave the WWE. So he like interferes in them. You know what I mean? Like, but that's, I mean, that's, that's, that's the leave the WWE, so he interferes. You know what I mean? But that's the actor. Oh, you're saying Levin Tatar. I got you.

I think that's a storyline, but that's who he is. So his daughter resigned in the middle of the day yesterday. Yeah. You don't do that. You can't sell Saudi Arabia. I can do what the fuck I want. She's like chairwoman of the board, all about women's rights, and then he sells to Saudi Arabia.

Work like a girl. Peace out. So that shit is, maybe it's real, maybe it's fake. Also, on the fake radar, people are thinking that Andrew Tate is arresting himself, that this is a fake arrest, which I kind of like that. I don't even know what that means. If you look at the video of him being arrested, a paddy wagon pulls up.

It says, like, Policia. The doors open up. He gets out of the paddy wagon with two hot chicks who are in heels and tiny jackets. But he's in jail. I don't think he is.

I don't think there's any credible reports that he's in jail. He's been to court. Has he? I saw yesterday that his appeal was denied. So he will remain in prison until trial. They said like 180 days or something like that. So, I don't know. I think I pretty much know. i think the guy's in jail

i don't think that you get arrested with like hot chicks hanging out in the in the well if he's in jail he's in jail i don't know if you like i don't know if there's any this is this is the whole like just keep saying the matrix and people be like we'll just make stuff up yeah yeah i mean i i don't know i saw pictures of his lawyer yesterday i don't think you hire a lawyer i saw people making fun of how his lawyer dresses dresses like shit has there been like pictures of him in court and shit uh no it's just pictures of his lawyer being like it was actually very funny it's it's it's a dude i i followed before he clowned dave and it's a dude who clowned dave about the fuck it's die work wear and um he he He's the one who kind of like Blew the lid off

Brick blotches And he did like the whole thing And he's a funny account And he Didn't like Just showing a bunch of pictures of Andrew Tate's lawyer And then being like imagine if you're in court And your lawyer

When he stands up to test What do lawyers do? Say things Give statements Imagine if you're in court and your lawyer, when he stands up to test to... What do lawyers do? Say things? Give a statement? Yeah, when he stands up to give a statement, he's got to shake his leg to get his pants off his calves because he's wearing a skin suit. He's like, you know you're going to jail. Shaking his leg.

He's like, I'm going to get it off my calf. We got a jacket. Yeah, look at that jacket. Oh, God. This guy sucks so bad. I mean, I wore that exact outfit to the Duncan Awards one. I just never... I knew the world sucked, right?

But, like, there's been other grifters that, like, you can kind of, like, respect their hustle. They their hustle or like yeah that guy's like cool whatever like i just can't believe this is what people think it's cool there is the i saw one picture of him um and i got probably my first time ever seen like a clear photo of him and i was just like yeah that one right there that was the one the one on the right i guess it's not a clear photo no no no one more down um that one i was like no no the picture of andrew tate i was like that's what andrew tate that's the guy that's the guy that's the guy that's that's like some

shit like some michael b jordan black panther like this is your king yeah absolutely i i think it's it's absolutely within his best interest to be arrested and to have a cartoon squirrel yeah that's exactly what it looks like a cartoon rodent i can't think of the exact word that's exactly what it is uh i think i think if he can uh get you know like i think the best thing for him is to go to jail if he is in jail like if he gets detained and then is out, he's probably... But also, we said that about Bobby Smyrna. Bobby Smyrna ain't no shit. Good point.

Actually, we wouldn't know. We wouldn't know. He was cool. A million dollars worth of game. I think he's living life. I don't think he's exactly... He's going to come out and drop the biggest album of all time. I don't think he wanted to do that Actually It seemed like when he got home

He was just living life Being happy that he's home Rather than being like I'm going to capitalize on this You know what I mean I feel like as an artist If I spent a couple years in jail I'd have some shit to say I'd definitely do at least one podcast episode I don't know if I'd start a new show, but like, hey, guys, I'm back.

Here's everything that happened over the last six years. At least capitalize on makes and cash. M. Rata and Eric Andre were seen together. Do you think they're fucking? I don't. I don't. I think Hollywood. I've said this before where I think we live in a post-nude society.

I think Hollywood's a post-sex society. I don't think those people fuck. They just fucking. They're beyond sex. Dude, I think Hollywood doesn't fuck. Rana and Eric Andre are not fucking, but not because they're not interested in each other. They just do whatever's beyond sex. It's not even that. It's just like...

It's like there's a fucking... There's an episode of 30 Rock where Jenna Maroney is dating... I forget his fucking name. It's a very funny from SNL, one of those alums. Not Chris Kattan, but he kind of looks like him. But whatever.

And they're like freaks. He's a drag queen of jenna maroney okay and that's why she falls in love with him and and uh and they do all this weird fucking sex they go on sexual walkabouts and all this stuff and they come back and they um they just want to take a nap and they fall asleep together on the couch under a blanket and she's like oh oh, my God. It's so hot. Do you know what we just did?

Yeah. We're fucking normal. We are nasty. We're disgusting. He's like, oh, I just normaled the shit out of you. We just cuddled. Dude, I think that Hollywood just let you come back around. Bro, I mean, I don't know.

Dude, you think Eric Andre is like, dude like I know you were doing this with Pete Davidson Like last week Like last week Would you care? Oh I wouldn't care But it was like This would actually be like what I was saying yesterday Where like whatever it's too much of a sure thing I'm like oof

I think she just wants to be taking a picture with me But she'll fuck me to get that picture I think I'd be like I don't know if I can do this. Bro, I... It's not a moral situation. It's a penis situation. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. I'm not morally concerned with anything. I just said I'd sell his pockets to Saudi

Arabia. I didn't think you... Morally, I thought you meant, like, like, um, uh, ego-wise. Like, I'm not... No! Yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't have that either. I don't have morals or an ego. It couldn't be... Neither of those could pose a problem oh wait so wait there are pictures of them like out okay okay because i just saw like the one picture and i would you know we've gotten to the point and this is always this has been for a long time if your picture if you take a picture with someone you fuck like that's just not the world you know if you are in a photograph people

like you're fucked oh yeah you know and it's like i mean i could think of one trillion example like maybe eric andre did a sketch with her maybe he needed the hottest girl in the world to do a skit I could think of one trillion examples. Maybe Eric Andre did a sketch with her. Maybe he needed the hottest girl in the world to do a skit. Maybe they're just in a movie together. There's a million ways you could explain it off. Maybe Eric Andre did it while tying his Velcro shoes.

But then I also think, at the same time, I'm like, think about your own life and it's like, if you're out with a chick, you're fucking her. I guess we could be seen with Jackie Think about your own life, and it's like, if you're out with a chick, you're fucking her. You know what I mean? I guess we could be, like, seen with Jackie or, like, somebody here, but, like,

for the most part, if you were, like, out to dinner and walking the streets with someone solo, you probably are fucking her. Dude, no. No? I think maybe Eric Andre. Like, if it's Eric Andre, and who is, but, like,

you know what's fucked up about this shit, too? Is that whenever someone's seen with Emily Ratajkowski, they just get clowned for being ugly. Eric Andre is a perfectly normal, good-looking guy. Absolutely. Even her husband, everyone's like, oh, him? That dude's handsome, bro. That dude's not even like, oh, he's normal.

He's a handsome dude. Which guy was that? The Snapchat? Wasn't there like a Snapchat? There was one guy, he's normal, he's a handsome dude Which guy was that? The Snapchat? There was one guy I think who was straight up Who's her baby daddy? I believe is who she had it with Like, he's a handsome guy No he's not

That dude's a handsome dude That's like, yeah, that's a handsome guy People are like, what the fuck? Emily Ratajkowski married him in a courthouse? I think he He blew up Like, what the fuck? Emily Ratajkowski married him in a courthouse? I think he had a, he blew up. Like, I think he got hot with her. I think early on, I don't think he was that good looking.

But either way, you're right. Like, these guys are, like, normal people. I mean, I. There is no equivalent to Emily Ratajkowski. Right. Yeah, but I guess, you know, people want it to be like Brad Pitt. You know what I mean? It's like, well, and There's like three options for her.

That's what it was in the beginning. I don't think anyone was impressed with that. That haircut was pretty rough. You get pictured with her and all of a sudden it's like you're a fucking bump. No woman would ever have sex with you. It's like, I'm a fucking celebrity too. woman would ever have sex with you. It's like I'm a fucking celebrity too. Like I've fucked a zillion girls.

What are you guys talking about? You know what I mean? Like I guess that shows the power of how hot Emily Ratajkowski is. But it's like unless you're Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, fucking Gosling, Chris Evans, whatever, you're like, I'm offended that someone would fuck that person. We've never seen them side by side with Emily Ratajkowski. She could just be like a fucking witch who just sucks the beauty out of people she's in photos with.

Emily Ratajkowski's super hot, but I think a lot of it is how sexy her body is and the whole package. I mean, she's pretty, but I think they're more striking. When you see her walking with Eric Andre andre it's not like that fucking crazy to me no i don't know at all like i remember like the the the the the heyday the prime of adriana lima like that girl's face remember her i remember adriana lima like uh wait i get a girl with her like her eyes and

shit it was like was adriana Adrian Lima the one that dated Edelman for a bit? I think so. I remember being so mad. It was like watching Jordan play on the Wizards. It was like, oh no. She fucked Matt Harvey and Edelman. Oh, you were supposed to be the unattainable one.

But yeah. I don't know. Part of me is like you take a picture and everyone goes crazy that you're dating and that's silly but then I also just think chances are put some successful celebrity hot people together and they're probably gonna fuck I don't think people hang out with people

they couldn't accidentally slip and fuck exactly so I think like there is maybe they are maybe they aren't, but it's probably going to happen if it hasn't happened yet. It's like the king guys and girls befriend shit. Yeah. But they want to fuck each other. Right.

They can opt not to fuck. And then I think when you go to the celebrity level, I don't think celebrities waste their time often with platonic girls. I would see, I could see a world where they're like, I'm so tired of chicks wanting to fuck me. Can we just hang out? This might be one of your

best thoughts ever. The post-sex society. That might be heaven. That's paradise. You know what we could do? We could all chop our cocks off. I don't want to do that. I'll hire someone to do it. I'm not going to do it myself.

I'd rather be in the Pain Olympics. I'd prefer to keep my cock. I would just like to live. The post-sex society where nobody is stressing, nobody's trying to impress, nobody is cheating, nobody is dumping, nobody is dumped nobody is you know dating and struggling and it's just like like if you took i also think maybe if you took away that like like chaos would ensue and like maybe the world would erupt i don't know i don't know like like part i think i think we have some pretty interesting stuff going on i don't know part of me thinks that you everything you do in the world i think you're doing

to make your like life better right like you're you're like you don't do you could say that you're doing something for other people but ultimately like everything you do boils down to like for you right yeah yeah for sure and and then you got to think about what motivates you to do things and it's kind of the old chapelle thing it's like i don't like cars girls like cars so i make money to buy cars for girls like me because you know the idea is that as guys you're everything you're doing the way you dress the way you look you're making money you're trying to like work out all that is so that somebody will fuck you and you might along the way have other reasons i feel good i like what

i'm doing but the ultimate reason is like i want to be fuckable and i want someone to like me so i'm doing these things so if you remove that maybe cool things would happen because your brain and your time would be you know yeah i mean we're design felt episode but maybe yeah yeah right but or but maybe you would be like well i'm just not going to do anything then there's no reason it would yeah but i think also you'd realize like like would you just become a fat piece of shit because like no no girls gonna fuck me guess what we're both side i think you i i think there's more time at your disposal when no one's fucking you're not trying to fuck that you can do other things that you actually

right right because you're talking about all these things you do i think that's the thing that would open the door for guys to find things they actually like because we don't fucking know I know what we like yeah well I don't know I think we do know what we like do you? I have no idea

well it's just it's not real things it's just like hanging out watching TV that's not a real thing that's number one but girls do like even less than us but girls like everything It's not real things. It's just like hanging out and watching TV. That's not a real thing. That's number one. But girls do even less than us. But girls like everything.

What do you mean? I feel like girls like everything. Like everything around. I love that. Oh my god, that's not right. I don't love anything. Jackie, what do you love? A lot.

I think you have a point. Let me shake my calves off. I rest my case, Your Honor. Shake them off. So you think that girls have a lower standard for liking something than guys? I don't even think it's a lower standard or anything like that. I just think they're more okay with admitting they like something. What is the thing?

Are we talking about... When I go on a walk, I'm really happy. Like walking, for example. Okay, you really like walking. Great example. This is my point. Excellent point, sir. I absolutely take my cap to you.

Like, point taken. Jackie, what's your thoughts on breathing? Love it. Love it. Love it. Love the breathing. Like, what do you, so what do you love? I don't know.

This is my point. I'm going to keep saying this is my point. This is my point. I have, and sure, maybe it's a personal issue. I have, I don't even know what I like, let alone love. You like playing hockey. Do I? Yeah.

Yeah, the way you've talked about that, you like it. I do it once a year. I know, but that's what's funny. That's what I mean, maybe because you're trying to get fucked too often. Maybe if we were in a post-sex society, you would just play hockey. I do it twice a year. But, like, I, and this. The but like I this is again. I don't know if it's a me thing

or a guy thing. I focus too much on the negatives of things so I can't ever love them because I'm too like, you know what? You know what? I really enjoy skiing but I love skiing skiing. I don't really like anything else that comes with it. But I think that

is... I think that is a great metaphor for life. So I hate all those other things too much to enjoy the thing I actually enjoy. I don't think girls have... I don't think they're clouded with that. And that's why they always do shit. I don't like walking because that means I'm going somewhere. I mean like going on walks.

It's not like the act of walking. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. Because you're seeing things and you're like... I had to go on a walk not like the act of walking. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. Because you're seeing things and you're like. I had to go on a walk the other night for two hours. It was awful. What were you doing walking for two hours? Fucking my goddamn cleaning people, who were awesome, by the way. Oh, you had to get out while they were cleaning?

They said, you might have to come Friday, Monday evening. And I was like, sure. Yeah, that's crazy. That's great. My nighttime cleaning is crazy. And I figured they'd be there at four. I got there at six. They were there until like 10. I saw that they were. I got great. My nighttime cleaning is crazy. And I figured they'd be there at 4. I got there at 6. They were there until like 10.

I saw that they were. I got home at 6, and I was like, oh, they didn't come. They must not be coming today. Made myself a sandwich, sat down, watched some TV. Didn't take my shoes off because I was like, they might still come. Buzzed the door. I got there at 6.30. I had to walk around until like 9 o'clock or 8 o'clock.

I got home like the first quarter had started of the national championship game by the time I got home. So I just walked. See, walking, yeah. Girls, I think girls, the reason why... And I sat on my bench and that felt even crazier. It's like when I went to the dog park

without a dog. That's when you know you're really crazy. Forever in the dog park without a dog. You're like, oh boy. Girls, the reason why I think guys do nothing so well is because we are more tuned into like the uh we gotta drive there we gotta go there we gotta pack up we gotta you know all that shit if that doesn't bother you it's like yeah i'd like to be at the movies at the club at

the at the dinner at you know whatever but it's like well i gotta get but they don't care about that stuff they're getting there yeah they they're't care about that stuff. They're getting there? Yeah, they're willing to do that shit. I love driving. I love traffic because I like being in the car. You like getting ready. Yeah.

I don't like getting ready. I don't do makeup. I have a skincare routine now. Thank you very much. Despite the fact that I do talk about clothes and shit like that and like clothes very much. Put it on. It takes me very quick.

I just think about it in the shower. By the time I get out of the shower, I know what I'm wearing. I don't really, like, lay stuff out or try something on the mirror. I know what I'm wearing. You can do that. You're crazy. You're either a girl or you're crazy. Do that.

Girls can do that. Guys can't do that. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about the list of things men can and can't do. Can't be good at Instagram. This went viral. You know what's going to happen with this? We're starting this

to defend men. We're going to come around on this and we're going to have stuff to add to it. This was inspired by a couple tweets that have gone viral over the years. If your man sleeps on his stomach, get rid of him. Don't no grown

ass men sleep on his stomach. How the fuck are you supposed to protect the house with your ass in the air? The girl said she enjoyed the date but agree with that. The girl said she enjoyed the date, but she's not interested in a second one because I blew on my food to cool it down. I agree with that. If you're fucking blowing on your food, dude, come on, man.

I was the one who sent this to the group text being like, let's talk about this, and I did not read it. I just sent it. I sent it to the side of the seat, so I'm hearing it for the first time now. Two for two, I agree with. I'm not picking that guy to represent me in battle, but like...

Soups. Soups you can blow on. I blew on oatmeal today. It was scalding hot. But soup I can? Soup you can. Soup you can. Soups?

Because guess what? When you're blowing on a food Coffee Uh no No No No No Cause a soup

A hot piece of pizza Slice a pizza right out of the oven Cause here's what it does It highlights your stupidity In the A soup You got a spoonful of soup You can cool that down

You're blowing on food Like it's a birthday cake It'll work No you're not You're not cooling nothing. Oatmeal works. I did it today. Oh, wait till you fucking flip a spoonful over once. It's like a fucking steam explosion.

Because it seals it in so good. Yeah, you're not doing nothing. But when you're blowing a spoonful of soup. So really, it's not about your masculinity, it's about your stupidity. You catch a guy blowing on his food, he's just an idiot. What is he, a guy blowing on a steak? What is he, stupid? That would be ridiculous. Blowing't a guy blowing on a steak. What is he, stupid? That would be ridiculous. Blowing on a steak would be absolutely absurd.

Imagine someone had a hot sandwich, like a panini, blowing on your sandwich. But you know what also sucks? If you're not blowing on the soup, then you're getting the reaction of someone who put, I go, oh, not that. And then that's, there's, do you want to know how, what is it? White frailty was the big book during. Yeah, white fragility. White fragility.

I've not been able to say that once. It's frailty, right? Frailty and fragility mean the same thing though, right? No? Frail. Don't you ever give me that. I was going to say, you pipe the fuck down. He's missing a whole G.

Yeah, I know. I'm saying there's two different words. No, there's two different words. There's two different words. It means similar things, right? Like, you can be frail. Like, his frailty and his fragility are two different things. But, yes, they're very similar.

But they're very similar. Fragile and frail are very similar. Right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Jackie with the, like, bitch you thought. What are you? Like, you know anything.

You are so god damn dumb I bet you blow on food I also think I think soup is for the girls you can't even eat soup soup is for the girls you can't even yeah see

get out of here this is what you this is what you are condoning no it's a slippery slope next thing you know you're fucking dogs this is a slippery slope

you're fucking you play this game and next thing you know they're gonna take away your favorite things bro you can't be you can play this game, and next thing you know, they're going to take away your favorite things. Bro. You can't be, you can't be like being a guy. You know what else?

You know what else? I bet you, you're going to lose your scarf in this too. I bet you they're going to say, and you love it. Right? Men can't wear scarves. And the sweater. Yeah, exactly. You're going to lose all your favorite things.

What's going on with the sweater? I mean, it's a great sweater. I actually really like this sweater. I like the whole fit. Yeah, it should be on Jackie. Why is this sweater for the girl? It looks like a girl's sweater. It looks, this is a fucking fisherman's sweater that my mother knit for me.

There's like cleavage that you're tying up. This is a fisherman's sweater that my mother knit for me. You are a cartoon character, bro. It's unbelievable the things that come out of your mouth. I'm telling you, you're pulling off the deadliest catch thing. The perfect score. I mean, we got to film a video with you up in, like, fucking Maine or wherever this is. You'll fit right in.

You could slide right in the docks right now. I'm a chameleon, bro. I could be anywhere, dog. You could start grunting with the fellas, and they'd be like, hey, he's one of us. They all probably want around with sweaters they're mother-knit for them, too. Look at the detail on the shoulders. It is very detailed.

It really is. What about this? That was such a lady with fucking who had her breast reduction when she was 12. That's for cleavage. You're wearing

a three-quarter shirt. That's for titties. No, it's not, dude. As a grown man, why do you own an umbrella? What do you think of that? Yeah. See, I actually completely disagree. I think it's the most

grown man thing in the world. Agreed. I don't use umbrellas because I'm not responsible. Because I'm a child. I'm still doing it now, but certainly in my 20s, if it's raining, I am showing up softly. I get out of the car and I'm like, did it again?

I'm still doing it at 38. I don't know what age it's at. There are times where I will like, let's say I'm in the car. I have an umbrella in my passenger side seat, and I just don't ever use it. You get a Rolls?

Uh-huh. You get a Rolls? No, it's just like on the other side. It's not with me. So I'm saying if I happen to see it when I'm getting out of the car, I'm like, oh, get the umbrella. But that's only if my eyes happen to catch it. Otherwise, even if I have an umbrella, I don't even think to use one. And I show up drenched. And, of course if I have an umbrella, I don't even think to use one, and I show up

drenched, and of course I'm running, so I'm... It's actually the most grown man thing to just show up perfectly fine, dry. Hello, how are you? Instead of bursting in the door like the Kool-Aid guy, be like, I'm here, I made it, it's raining outside!

Bro, I do this... I'll give you a reenactment of me every day that it rains. Close on. Everybody go to YouTube. You got to see John. Jacket. Put on my women's sweater. Look in the mirror.

Grab my keys and the thing. Walk outside. Get on my front porch. Porn rain. I throw my hands up and go, what the fuck was I supposed to know this? I haven't even looked out a window. And then I turn around and go, well, I'll go change. And I look at the stairs and I go, nope, that's the thing.

I go, well, the subway's right down there. I'll just run to that. There could be an umbrella 15 feet away, and I'd be like, well, I can't turn around now. I can't go back now. I've forgotten my umbrella. I'm pretty pot committed to this whole be soaking wet thing. How about just something about guys who say brunch? I don't go back now. I've forgotten my umbrella. Pretty pot committed to this whole be soaking wet thing. How about just something about guys who say brunch? I don't know.

It gives me sassy. You want a mimosa too, baby girl? I would say if I were to go out with all dudes and it was like, let's go to brunch, I'd be like, you guys can't. If there are girls there, it can be brunch. If there are guys there, we're just going out to eat breakfast and maybe order some lunch, whatever. But we're not going to brunch. If you're with all guys, you're not going to brunch.

I think, again, I have some agreement with this. I think if I'm out with the boys, the fellas, and they're like, let's go. If you and the fellas are like, let's go get a bottomless, like you're fucking, that's ridiculous. It is. But even, okay, let me reverse that. Not reverse that, but let me rewind that. If I go out to brunch with a mixed group of people

and one of the fellas is like, you know what? I'm going to do the apple cinnamon waffles. I'm like, bro, we're at lunch. Just so you know, the girls might be at brunch. We're at lunch. We're getting cheeseburgers and a beer. We're getting burgers and a beer. They can get French toast.

Don't. You get a fucking hot dog. How fluffy is your French toast? All right. You know it's going to go right to your hip, sweetheart. It is. If you're getting breakfast at brunch, sus. Yeah. Yeah. That's just how it is if you're getting yeah yeah if you're getting breakfast at brunch sauce yeah yeah i mean that's just that's just how it is um what was another one um

okay so now on to the list so this this guy like saw all these viral ones and he was like let me put uh let me put it together so things men aren't allowed to do i did these are ideas by jobless bitter women run for the bus but that's been the issue there well first of all i guess i don't really have an issue with that no we're good hug we're good ah and no because we just talked about that like as a man being frazzled you go you go ah yeah i'll get the next one or i'll get an uber or whatever you know like i don't i'm not gonna as. You're not going to catch me fucking all flustered because of public transportation. I don't chase transportation. Not never.

Right. I don't chase shit. You chase me. I will say, I've done it before. It's dire circumstances. I won't run in an airport on a flight paid by my company. Or on a... I can't think of the word.

Within the country. On a flight within the country. Domestic. On a domestic flight. I won't run for a domestic flight. I like that. If it's international, you're like, we gotta get...

We're gonna get the fuck out of here. It's like, going to fucking Nashville is not that important. Going to Paris, we gotta go. Yeah. I'm talking about because I did it at Heathrow to get back here. I was sprinting through I did it at Heathrow to get back here. I was straight through Heathrow.

Definitely, getting home for sure. I will also say running for a, like, seeing the subway coming and, like, hustling down the stairs and getting to the turnstile, that's allowed because you don't want to wait in the subway any longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you miss that. What about, like, peeling the door open? So I'll do, like, an arm in, but, like, the people who are like, no! No, no, no. Bro, I'll do that a, I'll do like an arm in,

but like the people who are like, no, no, no, I'll do that. The next one, same thing. Elevators. When people,

when people, someone like gets on elevator and like, hold the elevator. No one ever holds another one. I'm coming, dude. I'll stand there with full on eye contact with the person as the door closes. And I'll be,

no, I'll be the one outside. I'll be outside the elevator. I wasn't going to ride with you. How about hug their boys? Oh, I'm a big hugger. That's great. I'm a hugger. I like to do the...

I slap the hand away. It's like trying to high five, but it's like... Yeah, you push it down. I hate... You ever been in between... And I throw the second hand up to you with a full hug. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you push it down. Yeah. I hate, uh, you ever been in between? And then I throw the second hand up to you with a full hug. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my boy right there.

The world of in between, like, handshakes and daps and hugs is a horrible one to be. Where, like, either you have friends or family, you have to, like, decide what we're doing. You know? Are we, like, a handshake person? Like, if you go see, like, your uncle, what do you do? You're not gonna, like, dap it up with him. Are we like a handshake person? If you go see your uncle, what do you do? You're not going to gap it up with him. Are you going to hug him? Are you going to handshake him? What do you do?

I guess that's a good question. I'd probably hug. When you see your buddies, it's like, hey! When you see your best friend for a long time. I think I'm going to hug you. But as long as you're on the same page, there's just nothing worse than that. I go to swing my hand and you're hugging me and we're missing. We were not

adding up on that one. Walk is on the list. Zach is furious. Say hey to their friends. Hey. Hang out with your friends. Say hey. Eat dessert. That's a good one. I do it all the time and I feel

so gay every time I do it. I'm just going to try to do it. Yeah, my mom's calling me. Hello, mother. Hi, honey. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm in the middle of the podcast.

What's up? Where's your ski boots? In the garage. Downstairs? Yes. What color are they? They're orange. I'll call you back

I thought I was going to do something funny but this is a serious call so I will talk to you later wait wait wait wait do you think men should be able to what was the one? use umbrellas? do you think men should be able to use umbrellas?

should be able to? yeah they should you're asking me at the perfect time Use umbrellas? Do you think men should be able to use umbrellas? Should be able to? Yes. Yes, they should. You're asking me at the perfect time. I'm just wrapping up a women's studies course on feminist perspective and the feminist lens and the feminist movement. And I would say the only reason men don't use an umbrella is because they're weak. Men who are weak don't use umbrellas.

Exactly. I agree with that. Because you got to be like... What about men who blow on their food? So perfect. I just finished up my second study. These pussies blow on their food. All right.

Thank you. Yes, they are downstairs. Amazing. They should be to the right of where my skis were, but I'll call you in an hour or so. God damn, if that wasn't perfect. If that was not the most perfect thing in the world. Eat dessert is a great one.

Skate. I think skating is inherently female. Skating? Yeah. Skating, what, ice skating? Yeah, I think roller and ice skating is definitely female. Disagree. Strong disagree. Yeah, because you're going to get out there and

do your hockey stops and fucking do your sprints while the rest of these people are doing pirouettes on the fucking ice. No one's doing pirouettes. They're too hard. No one can do pirouettes. Are you saying the difficulty makes it not? For sure. Bro, I told you the most... Dude, there was one time

Driscoll... Just so you know, know 100 ice skating is inherently no like skating like right like figure skating is so gay well figure skating right well that's you know nobody's thinking about hockey when you say skate literally everyone thinks about no they don't what if you're not holding a stick that's great that's that's a great point you have to have a stick in your hand. If you're not holding something phallic, it's pretty homosexual. But the – dude, did I ever tell you there was one time Driscoll Rink, fall over Massachusetts, Friday night skate. That's where you picked up the honeys. That's where you go.

You just fucking skate in circles really fast. You guys are so turned up. You have, like, skate guards, and you take their hats. You can't catch me, bitch. I play might be. And there was one time where it was like there was a figure skater. Like the figure skaters would stay in the center dot. Yep.

And they do their figure skating there while everyone else is kind of ripping around or holding hands or shit like that. And we were I guess you could say the word we were bullying a figure skater. Not like actually bullying, but just like kind of like we're in the corner like laughing. You were full blown bullying. No, I did i did bullying like is like in your face yeah like yeah we were laughing out we were making fun of someone yeah to ourselves right just making fun of this guy over there and like that and like really like telling me that fucking guy's figure skating like he's

not gonna get no honey he's figure skating like he like, I'm not looking for honeys. I'm actually looking for you, boy. And he comes over and he's like, do you think you're a better skater than me? And I was like, yeah. I do think I'm a better skater than you. I hope this guy ate your lunch. And he goes, well, can you do this?

And in the middle of the lobby, he jumped and this man did a 10-8. He spun 11 times. He's like, he went, and he spun, like, so fast so many times. And I was just like, we're in shoes. Like, that's not skating. That was the only thing I had to hold on to.

I was like, we're not even skating, you fucking idiot. You stupid asshole You're into a pair of shoes dummy That is tough though Okay you can twirl on your shoes But let's get on the ice I'm sure he's fucking nasty there too But you gotta show me on the ice I guarantee that kids listening to this right now

I'm still faster than you to this day To this day I'm still faster than you I mean he's using figure skates. It's a completely different skate. He's got a toe pick. He's going to fall out of space. I bet you he's still faster than you in his figure skates than you are in hockey. Not a chance.

Not a chance. I'd love to race. Find me. Drive with two hands. Ugh. That's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Dude.

That's, I mean, if you have two hands on the wheel, you got two hands on a dick. It's one of my favorite quotes I ever heard. My high school baseball coach, also my high school hockey coach, we had this kid. I've told this story before, but this kid played right field. And I don't know if I was catching or if I was kind of standing by a coach while he was hitting fungos one day. And this kid played right field. Fucking sucked. Like, so bad.

Yeah. So bad. He always clapped his glove, like, before. Like, he had anxiety about, like, as the ball was coming down. And he fucking, he would catch two-handed. So he'd have his hand behind the ball. And as he caught it, like, warm-ups or practice, whatever, he just hit fungos.

And my coach just looks at me and he goes, catch it with two hands is like driving with two hands. You see someone doing it, they fucking suck. Yeah, I mean, two hands is like, you know, what are you, a thousand years old? Do the electric slide at any event. Hell yeah. I actually think that guys who will just get up there and dance are actually the grown men. Like get up and dance on the dance floor? Like when the electric slide comes on, have a fucking ball with it.

You know, not like that. I don't know. You don't know the electric slide? Not a chance. Do they tell it to you in the song? Pretty much. Pretty much? Okay, I could probably do it.

I mean, like if the cha-cha slide comes on, can you do the cha-cha slide? I can't do any of it. I can do some of the time. One step this time, two steps this time. Cha-cha. I just go like this. Yeah, but it's fine. The guys who are afraid to get on the dance floor are fucking...

They're the losers. Eat bread before your meal, like the bread that comes out. That's for guys. That's for while your dumb bitch girlfriend talks while the food's coming out. Women don't eat all day. That's like...

I don't know. Women don't... Women eat popcorn and banana slices. Popcorn and banana slices should be an album name. I just saw Colleen was eating, like, Colleen so thinly slices her bananas. I was just walking by and saw a plate of it. It's like paper-thin banana slices.

But yeah, every girlfriend I've ever dated just eats popcorn. How about you? So you want to go to dinner? It's like, I had popcorn for lunch. On that note, not being able to finish all your meal slash asking for your food to be wrapped up and taken home that's more of a poor thing I think

I think you're big time poor if you're walking around with your fucking leftovers you really need to bring home that quarter of a steak that's going to be cold and shit when you bring it home by the time you eat it it's all fucking really I don't even think it's that That's going to be cold and shit when you bring it home by the time you eat it. It's all fucking, you know, like, really?

Well, I mean, no, you're going to throw it in the garbage. I don't even think it's that. I think it's fucking. And you couldn't finish it. You couldn't finish your steak, dude. Would you get a 12 ounce filet? Fucking eat up. Shut up.

I'm a big. I never finish my meal. I never. Yeah. Point proven again. Yeah, exactly. Keep boys hitting home runs all day. Hold on to the poles on the train or the subway

this is one this is a grown man thing because go ahead and try and you end up fucking eating the fucking floor on the subway see I don't really do it because you if you I'm a leaner yeah okay fine yeah I keep my hands in my pocket the people

who like stand up and they're like yeah yeah they end up like they're surfing. It's like, oh, so you'd rather do that and stand there like this rather than just fucking... The rudest I ever am is on the subway when I have someone I will outright laugh out loud in their face.

You fucking dumbass! You thought you were tougher than a fucking 20,000 pound train moving 80 miles an hour. You dickhead. There's just so many. Wear gloves in the winter. Great one.

Oh, I forgot my gloves at home today. You are like a thousand for a thousand on this list. I think unwrapping presents. Unwrapping presents. Men aren't allowed to unwrap presents? Specifically if it's like. Oh my goodness, Jacqueline. Like saving the paper?

Like trying to save the paper. And then I actually get a lot of anxiety opening presents because of that. Like if you struggle to open it, sometimes you don't know where the box is, where the opening is. It's like, I hate that. Like not the wrapping paper, but like

I think I'll take this a step further. I think men shouldn't even get presents. Get presents. Yes. I get so angry when I get a present. Dude. Dude, like, my aunts and uncles get me gifts all the time still for, like, Christmas and my birthday.

And it feels, like, I hate it because, like, also, like, everyone does their own Christmas now. Yep. So it just gets dropped off at my house at some point in December and I open it. And they're not even here, so I can say thank you for the socks, which I honestly, at this stage in my life, I am genuinely thankful for. And these are just

a nice pair of fucking cashmere socks. These are beautiful. I love these. I'd love to say thank you. And sure, I could write a note, but that's... That's what you want to talk about. Writing thank you notes? Imagine you got a thank you note from a guy. Imagine a thank you note just for you, imagine you want a thank you note from a guy. Imagine a thank you note just for you.

I mean, look, you boil a thank you note here and there. Yeah, well, that's your bougie-ness that you think you have to do that. It's super gay. Just so you know that. When people ask me what I got for Christmas, I'm like, what did I get? I'm a 40-year-old man. What did I get for Christmas? Nothing.

I'm an adult. You're almost 39. Yeah. Wait. No, you're 38. You're 37, and you're going to turn 38. Yes, yes. See, I do this to myself.

I actually convince myself. When you just said you were 38, I was like, wait, he's born in March. What the fuck? Right, right. See, that's good, though, because now I feel good about myself. Yeah, now you're young. I actually thought I was 38. When did you start saying that?

Because when you first said 38 on this show, I was like, I was like, I think I started saying 38, 36. It's a good game to play. Worrying about your age. Pretty gay. Love God. Make TikToks. Definitely.

Definitely. TikToks have an Instagram. Eat fruits. You're going to disagree with that one, but it is pretty gay. I don't eat too much fruit. Just phallic ones. I just eat bananas. Basically. Communicate with your friends via that one, but it is pretty good. I don't eat too much fruit. Just phallic ones. I just eat bananas, basically. Communicate with your friends via voice note.

That's a good one. That's a real good one. It's absolutely going to take over eventually. It's not. I'm sticking my plant in the ground. There's no way that Mr. Talk on the phone also is not going to be Mr. Voice Note. No. The voice notes are worse than the text.

No. Because guess what? It's like, hold your ear to listen, and then I fucking hold it, and it stops playing because I moved it up. You don't going to be Mr. Voice. No. Talk. The voice notes are worse than the text. No. Because guess what? It's like hold your ear to listen. And then I fucking hold it and it stops playing because I moved it. You don't have to do that. You have a fucking speaker. Mine doesn't play on speakers. Just hold up to listen.

You can just put your fucking speaker on. That's crazy town. Have you skipped over one that I'd like to highlight? Plan dinners for your own birthday. Oh. Any guy who celebrates their birthday after 21? The worst. I'm 23, and it just came out of nowhere this year.

But I've been getting a lot of texts recently. What are we doing for your birthday? If you guys can come. Hey, you guys around for my birthday? I'm going to do a dinner. I had friends when we were probably your age. Two guys planned a joint birthday dinner together.

And I didn't go. And they were like upset with me. Like, kill yourself. I think what you're in, your stage of age right now, is that age you get to where you think you're an adult. And then you do things you think adults do. Birthday dinners are the absolute antithesis of adults. But when I was 24, I was like, I bet when adults... You go have a dinner together for your birthday.

We'll go to some family style. We'll share. Something to fuck up. Yeah, birthdays for guys after 21. I'll maybe do something for like 30, you know, like you're old. I'm going to my dad's 60th this weekend. Yeah, like the big ones, fine. But like from 20 to 50, get the fuck out of here.

Seatbelts. So this is a great – we talked about this way back in the day on Barstool. Are these just – you're just throwing these out yourself? You see a guy get in a car, in a motor vehicle. You're worried about your seat? Helmets I'll give you. Like if you're skiing or biking or rollerblading or whatever. So many years ago, Riggs was on a date

and they got in the Uber in the back seat and he put his seatbelt on. That is insane. It's like, let me just sashay this little belt on in. It's also the...

It is like... That's crazy, Riggs. If you put your seatbelt on in. It's also the... It is like... That's crazy, Riggs. The backseat is... If you put your seatbelt on in the backseat, you're crazy. And if you do it on a date, you're like, just shoot yourself in the head. Bro, I don't wear a seatbelt when I'm driving. I mean, I do because... Everybody wears a seatbelt.

Because it beeps to you. But I am constantly fiddling with it like what i'm talking about when i'm with a pat when i'm with somebody uh-huh because guess what bro like my fucking it just gets squished i know yeah it's like my tits are out my tits are fucking around this thing my stomach is perfectly squished yes it looks like i got a fucking like a fake pregnancy terrible that the time we did that podcast in the car, oh my God. Bro,

if I could fucking turn off, my buddy back in the day, before they realized that you could do this, and they, the car started screaming at you, you should just blink. And my buddy just had

a piece of black electrical tape over it. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. And that was, I know people who,

like, would jam things in the thing. Really? Yeah. That's how bad we want to die. I, I think, like, growing up, for me, seatbelts, I was right on the verge of you don't really wear a seatbelt.

Yeah, me too. I think eventually it became, it's pretty accepted if you're in the front seat. You're fucking crazy if you don't put your seatbelt on. I put it on in every seat, except I don't put it on an Uber. I don't know why. Back seats. The most reckless drivers, I don't put it on, but for some reason, I don't. I'm not doing backseats.

Definitely. Uber's for sure not. And if you're on any sort of date, like, no way. I guess maybe I don't. I'd never sit in the backseat anyway. Oh, I guess I almost. You're on a date and you're, like, sitting there strapped in. I actually exclusively sit in the backseat.

I never sit in the backseat anymore when I'm, like, not with an Uber. Yeah. Like, I'm either driving or I'm in an Uber. Right. Right. We'll do. Let me see'll do... Have good handwriting. Rate one. If you've got your ass some nice little

fucking calligraphy writing, you are a chick, dude. You are not a man. I go through phases of good handwriting. My handwriting is like horrible. My handwriting... It's why I'm so easily

You could diagnose me with schizophrenia in a heartbeat I remember when I forgot my notebook At Molly's Pub Third Ave, Great Bar And I went back to get it And the bartender who I knew Had like gone through it And he's like will you share this with a bunch of people

Cause it's like oh cause you're Schizophrenic My handwriting is like I'll write in cursive sometimes, I'll write in block print sometimes will you share this with a bunch of people? Cause it's like, Oh, cause you're, Oh, you're a schizophrenic. That's what I said. My hand, my handwriting is like, I'll write in cursive. Sometimes I'll write in block print. Sometimes I'll write in all caps.

Sometimes that's pretty crazy. Actually. And you are a freak. It's just like, it is the, the all caps is pretty legible. The rest is kind of a mess here. A couple of good more ones.

I mean, there's a bunch that are great. We can keep going forever, but, um, having a ring light, I think it's like, absolutely. Oh, like, yeah, that's a bunch that are great. We could keep going forever. But having a ring light, I think it's like absolutely. That's like without a doubt.

Being ticklish. Yo, you laughing because somebody is just fucking wiggling their fingers. I mean, I'm ticklish as shit. I think tickling. In parentheses, it says having a functioning nervous system. I'm crazy. Bro, I'm tickling functioning nervous system. I'm crazy. Bro, I'm tickling myself right now. I tickle myself on the show all the time.

You ever see that? Like, if you're editing the video, you'll see. I'll go like this sometimes. Tickle your face? I go like this, and it tickles me. I go like that. Super sus. Super sus. Right now, I don't have my shoes on and I'm rubbing

my feet on the bar. I'm tickling my feet right now. I was doing this before. Alright, one last one that I think is a good one too. Having allergies. You fucking, you're doing your like, I can't eat this, I can't eat that. I'm a-chewing a-chewing because

someone has cut the grass. Shut up! How about this? If you're like, I can't eat this, I can't eat that. I'm a-chewing a-chewing because someone has cut the grass. Shut up! How about this? If you're like, if you're upset, like, when they say it's a particularly bad season, like when a guy's like, oh, the pollen count this year is terrible. I don't check the

fucking weather, let alone the pollen count, bro. I don't even know if water is falling from the sky! You think I know about the pollen count bro i don't even know if water is falling from the sky you think i know about the pollen i'm so happy i talk about this year this year was well to be honest the first year i kind of got a little bit of allergies but it's the first year i noticed everyone else talking about their allergies so much i think it's because i was sniffling so much and i was like i was like god damn everyone needs to shut the fuck up about their outfit. People talking about fucking, oh, this sweater.

Does it have wool in it? I can't wear wool. I'll break out. You'll break out? Your skin will break out? You fucking. Have tougher skin, dude. One last one.

We're really done. Show your toes. Agree with that? Yeah. Even wearing flip flops? You're wearing your little flippy floppies to the beach? in beach town no beach town even that around the city i see a motherfucker in birkenstocks and fucking flip flops pair of rainbows but you are but i even appreciate the people at in beach town like dads who are just like if i'm going to the beach i'm

wearing an open-toed shoe yeah that's that's but but even that if like some like fucking dad or like sailor came up to me and was like, look at your little pretty flip-flops, I'd be like, yeah, man. I wouldn't fight it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it. I'll wear them, but I do get it. So, I mean, the list goes on and on, but give us more at KFC Radio.

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Couple more. Oh, that was right in your ear. That's disgusting. I bet she could smell that. No. It was so loud in her ear, she could smell it. My emissions don't smell. Can you stop, please?

Yes. Stop. You had to know he was going for a third. How about holding a coffee mug with two hands? I don't think I'm holding a coffee mug at all, unless it's got whiskey in it. So you can drink coffee, but not out of a mug? You can't have coffee. I mean, no.

Obviously, I'm just speaking as a non-coffee drinker. There is something about it, because you know what it is?'s the shoulders shoulders up they go people go like this it's so warm oh you look if you if you were dude if you look comfortable you're a woman bro if you've ever been comfortable in your life it comes down to bro blankets fucking and i. And I'm the biggest culprit of it all. Pajamas, slippers, robes. You do that? You get home and you put on your PJs, your JJs, your jammies? Not me, dude. Not me.

I don't fucking go on my jammies. I'm never comfortable. I fucking shower. I use a fucking Brillo pad with that thing. It's fucking on my undercarriage and everything. Steal. Whoa. Just fucking get this. You want to get dead skin off? Get a Brillo pad with that thing. It's fucking on my undercarriage and everything. Steal. Whoa. Just fucking get this.

You want to get dead skin off? Get a Brillo pad. I mean, lotion. If you put lotion on your body, use a chick. A lotion. You're a black person. You're a chick. Can I tell you what I do now?

Oh, God. What do you do? This is part of your routine. New thing. It's a new thing. This is horrifying. I am like, this is going to be more disgusting than me burping. Dude, I'm nervous.

So I've been getting up early. I recently been working out and working on my stuff. New year, new me. And so what I do is – so I work out and I get home from work and I cook dinner and I usually have – actually, I do HelloFresh. I have two meals. I eat the next one for lunch usually around 11 a.m. And so what I do is I work out in the morning and then I shower and then I dry off a pretty good amount. And then I lotion and I do my skincare routine.

And then because like sometimes I've been told I get wet a lot. I just don't know how to dry my body. So I get wet a lot. And then when you add the lotion, it's like slimy wet. Not good. So what I do is I just... Look at everybody's face right now. Everybody's like this.

All of us in the room are just waiting for the bomb to drop like this. Dude, I walk around my house stark naked for a half hour every morning, and I eat my lunch naked. So today, I had HelloFresh salmon and garlicky couscous. Naked covered in lotion. Naked covered in lotion. You'd think it would take away my appetite. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't.

I'm still so hungry. There's this slime ball. Just naked balls swinging in the wind while you eat salmon. Bro, I was standing in my kitchen eating it out of a Tupperware bowl today. And I went, dude, you're an animal. I'm crying. And I went to sit down. I thought sitting down on the couch made it better.

Repulsive. You probably left like a stain on the couch. It was grotesque. It is. But I'll tell you what. When I put my clothes on now, dry as a bone. Yeah, because you rubbed it on your furniture. No, I'll stand there in the window.

I also, because I run the dishwasher every night. I empty the dishwasher. I empty the dishwasher. I go, I am naked. You know, people like to get worked up about 9 to 5. Like, anytime you tweet anything, Bob was just talking about it with us. We're like, it's 11 a.m. and you're watching TV or whatever. Like, if you're not doing, you're not working 9 to 5.

The 9 to 5ers get on your keys. Dealt with us yesterday, too. I want everyone listening to know this. During your commute, when you get to the office, your morning coffee, probably even your first meeting of the day. John's naked. I've been naked the whole time. Just balls swinging.

Just been naked. And you're like bending over and shit. Bending over. Bro, I used to get nervous about that like a ghost was going to rape me. I used to cover my butt like that. Not anymore. Nah, just asshole out. Ass out, bro.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Toes out, ass out. Bro, imagine me emptying the dishwasher. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like you just asshole out. Ass out, bro. Disgusting. Disgusting. Toes out, ass out. Imagine me emptying the dishwasher. Yeah, that's what I mean. You're bending down. Your armpit's out. Your grundle's out. It's all out. It's all out, dude. Actually, being naked is on the list, too,

to be honest. Being naked's feminine? Yeah. Like, naked bodies are for chicks. Because a male is just... Disgusting. Disgusting. Chick's bodies are beautiful. Gorgeous. They're like, there's something like, there like literally is something inherent about it. I don't even get gay guys.

I prefer a woman's body. What are the gays thinking? It's just. How could a gay guy want to fuck you more than a girl? That's insane. Like there's a guy out there that would look at a beautiful chick and you and be like, I want to fuck that instead. I want to fuck that dude in his mom's sweater.

Girls are curvy and smooth and soft and tan and you're gross. I am pale, slimy, and gaseous. I'm getting sick. I'm actually feeling nauseous right now. You're making me sick, dude. That's another thing getting sick and having a stomach getting oh migraines if you're a guy you have migraine kill yourself headaches no i've come to learn that like an actual migraine i get it a uh doing

leg lifts during your podcast fucking gay dude uh actual migraines I get are like a very real thing. Like physically something's happening. Girls running around every day going, I have a headache. No, you don't. Yeah. No, you don't. No, drink lots of water. Shut up.

That's called life. You're dehydrated. Seriously. Drink some water before I punch you. Yeah. And last one. This is a great one for guys or girls. This is more just like you will be embarrassed.

You will look foolish. You will lose your dignity. Chasing after a bouncing ping pong ball. Oh, I don't do that. I don't even do it. If I'm playing like this, I don't even do this anymore. I can't even think of a scenario where I would. But like playing beer pong, the ball bounces over.

I'm not doing. No, you get it. I'll wait till that thing has stopped completely, and then I will pick it up. There is no chasing while it's bouncing. Ah, you know what? Now that I say it, I've gotten fucked up, like, with my friends and I do, like, the vacation weekends, and we're, like, drinking in the basement. I'll get into it.

I'll chase a ping pong ball. It's like chasing a fucking, like, greased pig. I don't know where it's going. Greased watermelon! You just look foolish. I will not be made a fool by a ping pong ball. All right, let's get into some voicemails. What do we got?

Let's bring them up. It's been a while, but I have to speak up on this one. This is the golf pro, yeah? KFC and fights. You're telling me I'm listening to you guys talk about the voices in your head. John and KFC, you're telling me there's not at all times, like whenever you make a decision, something in your head, like an actual voice going, God damn it, troll.

God damn it, fights. Every three seconds, everything I think about, everything I do, it's fucking A, troll. What are you doing, troll? I'm right there with you, Pavs. You guys are out of your minds what are you talking about split personality i mean i think you well we know fights as a psycho but i mean that's the craziest shit i've ever heard i i expand on this because i think it's

it'd be wild to always have like a running narration is like like and even not running about things all the time, but it's not talking. I've literally never once talked to myself like, alright, Fize. Never. Never. Never ever done that. I've been like, what the fuck are you doing?

When I fuck up big time, it's not a regular thing, but when I... It's almost like I'm making a spectacle of it. Like, come on, Kevin, what's wrong with you? it's not even in the moment it'll be like in the shower yeah afterwards like what are you an idiot right right right and that's only when it's like a commentary on what i'm doing never never it is it's a that would be a grossly dramatic time right when i do that like a massive thing has happened and i'm like oh my god you've got to

be kidding me ke I wish I could Like let people Into my head You wouldn't have fun But the Yeah Like You ever see the cell

It is It's so empty It's so It's so When you get more tired Do you kind of hear Like Like

When I get more tired Like at night Do you hear like Voices or songs Or something Not like voices But like No that's what I'm all That's what I'm all Mellied up Okay Like, when I get more tired, like, at night? Do you hear, like, voices or songs or something? Not, like, voices, but, like... No, that's when I'm all... That's when I'm all mellowed up.

Okay. I don't know. So it gets louder for you when you're... Yeah, like, I... Well, I think it's just, like, a heightened, like, dream state or whatever. But, like, some... Like, I notice... Like, I've always wondered if other people have this.

Like, when I wake up in the morning, like, I have, like... It's almost like TV shows, like, in my head. Like, I can hear, like, lines. Like, it's, like, maybe something I heard in the past. You have like it's almost like tv shows like in my head like I can hear like lines like it's like maybe something I heard in the past you have tv on no but like and then and then like when I'm I did I know that this is a thing with other people but like but like or sometimes like I remember like I would do really bad on tests when I was really tired because I would hear like like teeth like something going on in my head like i remember one time i failed test because i had this whole like italian guy like talk like i could hear like like boy like him he was like now i sound crazy when i'm like talking but it's not like voices i explains the meats

thing though no no no it's not like voices but like i'm just curious if other people have this where you kind of it's like a heightened dream state. It's like where like you can hear dreams going on. Bro, see, this is one of those things where like I – we've talked about this kind of off air where like as society, we overcorrected with mental illness and like everyone has mental illness now. And it's just like you can't even like – like I remember I was watching fucking Under the Banner of Heaven and I was with my sister and she's younger. And I was like, this dude's a fucking psycho. She's like, no, he has mental illness. I was like, no, he's a fucking psychopath. She's like, well, that's a mental – no, no, no.

It's a different thing. No, yeah. It's a different thing. He's a fucking psychopath. He's a bad guy. He's a psycho. Yes, true. By the letter of the law, that's a mental illness.

But no, that's not what I mean. No. I'm not using that kind of definition. But like – I hate that. Because you know why? Because you can be an asshole and have mental illness. But no, that's not what I mean. I'm not using that kind of definition. But like, I hate that. Because you know why? Because you can be an asshole and have mental illness. Right.

You know? And you can have mental illness and be a nice person. And psychopaths are the ones who decide to like chop you up and shit. Yeah. And then the mental illness is reserved for the people who are trying to get better and shit. But that guy's a fucking psychopath. And that was a bit of a stray from what I was trying to say is that the like i don't

even know if i have anything like it's almost like everyone has been like mental illness mental illness that like now i like your what you're describing to me sounds like the worst form of anxiety of all time yeah and like i don't have that so like like i've i've been anxious before i think i've like i have a diagnosed anxiety disorder but like i've never had an old Italian man in my head screaming at me to get something done. No, he was good. I don't know. Maybe I don't have anxiety. No, he wasn't talking to me.

It was like as if it was a dream. He's just talking. He's like, get the pasta over here. He was talking to his mom. Yeah. He's talking to his mom? Yeah. That's why it's like a dream.

I'm telling you. It's just like I can hear. You're awake, but you're just hearing someone else's life happen. Yes. But it's like as if I was watching TV. Are you seeing anything? Like in your head, are you creating a little Italian man? Briefly, but I'm not focused on it.

What if you're tapped in to an Italian man and he's hearing you? What if you got some sort of brain connection? It's not always an Italian man, though. What if it's like flipping through the channels? Like you wake up in the morning and you're connected to somebody else's brain and they're connected to you for a minute. And they're over there going, I get this American chick in my head who's fucking talking about doing –

What? Coffee bugs. Yeah. Maybe you're sharing a brain somewhere. Yeah. I don't know. The only other – And like when I'm really, really tired and I'm starting to fall asleep, some voice in my head just goes, Nichols!

And then I wake up. See, that to me is like, that's anxiety. If I had just strangers in my head yelling at me. And it's not my voice, so it rattles me every single time. I don't know how you guys aren't crazy. Like this would, I would go bonkers if there was someone like talking to me all the time It is But I know that other people have this

When you're watching like a movie What goes on in your head I can't I mean like I don't focus on movies That's why I don't really That's why girls don't know what's going on They got someone talking in their head all the time What's going on what happened who is he again Like when you're watching something, are you, like, you're just, like, taking it in

or are you, like, thinking about the characters? Like, what's going to happen next? Just taking it in. Yeah. I'm just here, man. If it's, like, a whodunit, I'll maybe sometimes have a moment where I'm like, okay, wait a minute. Who do I think did it?

But, like, otherwise, it's just, like. I don't ever actively. I'm never actively thinking like that. When I watched glass onion, I purposely tried to watch it and I picked up on a couple of things. And I think we're like, you know, in the end he,

he kind of showed a couple of them, but like when it's, when it's things like that, like the, the, uh, the death on the Nile was one, the Agatha Christie book that became a movie.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, I talked about this before, but I didn't want to spoil it, but now who gives a fuck about it because that movie sucked like I think it's

I think it's Armie Hammer is the guy in it and he you think that he shoots somebody and you just blatantly never see it happen and he runs back you hear a gunshot

and he comes out and he says like he's been shot and I was like that guy's still alive and it was like so obvious but it was because

I was watching a mystery movie and I was like trying I was like let that guy's still alive. And it was so obvious. But it was because I was watching a mystery movie, and I was trying. I was like, let me try to figure out the magician's trick. But otherwise, I'm just watching and just being like, there's Charlie Kelly. There's Frank Reynolds. This is funny. I can't imagine doing it any other way.

No. I would not be able to watch it because someone's talking. What about if you're listening to the podcast? Are we just the voices in your head, or you're listening to the podcast? Are we just the voices in your head or you're listening to the show while someone else is also talking in your head? No, like I'm listening. It's not like all the time.

Again, it's like when I'm tired, mostly. Wacky. Very wacky. It's like people all have these things. We were talking about my mom and my sister with the way they visualize months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like people have... Who has numbers of personalities they visualize months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So people have...

Who has numbers of personalities? Right. Weird shit, man. Brains are fucking whacked out, dude. Brains are... I love that. I don't really care much for, I guess, humanity moving forward.

Like, stride we make as a people. But I would love... And I don't mean humanity. I mean really societally, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, before I die, I can just plug into your head real quick. That would be amazing, yeah. I don't want to do it forever, but just a quick... Share, neural link or whatever, yeah. I'd love to do it. We're talking about someone...

Again, I'm clinically depressed. I want to fucking click on someone who's in a mental hospital who tried to kill themselves. Let's see how different. Right, because honestly, I think it would give everyone perspective. Because honestly, I'd be like, I'm way worse than you. You're a how different. Right. Because honestly, I think it would give everyone perspective. Because honestly, I'd be like, oh, dude, I'm way worse than you. You're a fucking bitch, dog.

I think it would like solve fucking- I don't walk by a window without pretending to jump out of it in my head. I think we should bring the jar back. The jar is- The problem with the jar is that fucking no one has cash. Yeah, we need like a QR code. Zap it. All right, next question.

KFC, what's going on? So I was listening to the podcast about John saying how he switched to almond milk and he just thought it was for hippies and was a fad and all that. So I was like, all right, you know what, let me try this. So I switched to almond milk and I guess John, all right, you know what, let me try this. So I switched to Almond Milk and I guess John was fucking right. Like, it's crazy the difference.

So, I don't know why it took me listening to, you know, fucking that idiot John about this life advice, but it just got me thinking like, what's the dumbest like life advice

or life hack that you heard that you actually instilled into your all right do you advertisers hear this this man convinced another dude to drink almond milk it's the ultimate like come advertise with us what we tell these people to do they do even if it's switching over to almond bro like yo it is here's the deal if you shit your goddamn brains out all night after you have milk and cookies or cereal, you're probably lactose intolerant.

You know what? This is another thing. Girls address these issues. Or they at least try to, and they think about them. Guys will just be like, what do you mean? I shit all night. That's just what we do, right? No, you can stop that from happening.

You find out when you're 34. It's staggering. It's definitely staggering. But also, I don't think I'm actually lactose intolerant. Cheese doesn't bother me. No, but you have something with dairy. I have a friend who eats ice cream and he farts up a storm. It's not like he's sick, but it's disgusting.

And obviously something happens to his body. It's not like he's sick, but it's disgusting. Obviously, something happens to his body. It's like Fuller with the Pepsi in Home Alone. Like, really? Really? You're going to eat the ice cream tonight? God damn it. Bro, it is like – I mean, I'll deal with the ice cream. It is.

I'll eat ice cream on the toilet, man, just to eliminate the middleman. It's a closed system. It just keeps going. You're fucking disgusting. Jackie's going to quit soon. I think Jackie's had her fill. I think. I haven't actually.

What's the other voicemail? No, the, it is, I'd like everyone to just try it. Because also, first of all, it's not nearly as bad as you think Also people have been telling me That I think oat milk Is even better It's like a better texture Disgusting

Also I didn't even realize Texture Fairlife Which I like I didn't realize Fairlife's lactose free Fairlife's just milk I didn't even know Fairlife was anything I thought

I thought Fairlife was milk Have you Have you changed anything Because of like Something like this What do you mean Like this guy changes life because you said so.

Have you ever changed something that somebody told you to change? No. In fact, I do it more. I'm trying to think if there's ever anything else. Actually, it's funny that you just said

when I listen to you guys because I didn't... For some reason, when I shower, I just air dry and it never occurred to me to use a towel kind of like you.

And then when you guys... You walk around naked too? I don't walk... But I me to like use a towel kind of like you and then when you guys walk around naked too I don't walk but like I'll walk around with a towel and like until I dry off or whatever. Oh, yeah Yeah, but you so you won't like rub your leg I won't it just never occurred to me like to use a towel like that for some reason until people are fucking so stupid No, that conversation and then I was like, oh I rubbed I like I use the towel I brought myself with the towels and now I'd fry myself off with the towel. I But that's the way she's saying this like I I rubbed I like I use the towel I rub myself with the towel So now I fry myself off With the towel I But that's a better way

I love that she's saying this Like I'm supposed to be like Wow But it is It is also It's better for your skin To air dry So

I do like the process I can't I hate these I hate these God damn people so much I hate you guys so much I do like the process If you got the time

Why dry So like I'm I'm I just like I'll walk around people so much i hate you guys so much i do like the process of if you got the time why drop so like i'm i'm i just like i'll walk you're gonna have a bunch of people walking around naked drinking oat milk you fucking asshole salmon eating salmon just the way god intended i'm sure there's tons of stuff that podcasters specifically have gotten people to do in recent years i just don't think i have any of them. I, like, I mean, it is. Like, TikTok taught me all that shit, you know? Because I'm such an asshole.

Like, I guess, no. Because I'm such an asshole, the fucking, like, when someone tells me something, I just double down. I'm like, no. Yeah, the best way to get me to do it is to, like. Yeah, I'm a child. You have to reverse psychology me. You know, I don't even remember what reverse psychology is. I also like –

Oh, don't do that. No, I love that. I love that. If I did do anything, I've like forgotten about it and already think I didn't come up with it myself. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like I probably did hear something and change something and then it's like, nah, I always did that. I guess, you know what? Air fryers.

People talked about their air fryers and I was like, how fucking different could this possibly be? And I got one and I was like, oh yeah, no, this is the real deal. I got one and I put it on a shelf that is too high for me to get to and I have never used it. Perfectly Feidelberg.

Like, it's on top of my cabinets. So stupid. And I'd have to... Do you have a toaster? Perfectly Vitalberg Like it's on top of my It's on top of my cabinets So stupid And I'd have to Grab a toaster I have a toaster yeah Why don't you just Put it where the toaster is

And use it as a toaster Well you Cause you can toast things With the air fryer too And then you can also Have the air fryer It's bigger than a toaster It is

If you don't have the space I understand But I think you have the space Not that I do Last voicemail let's go some bites AFC

Jackie bring back them bean socks also I'm that guy that sent you that DM you posted about after your surgery and told you

so many feet pics but that's during a certain day what? here's my video voicemail for y'all to weigh in your opinion. It's a poll.

So, it is the Hunger Games Team Royale. The office or Seinfeld? So, in the office, you got Jim, Pam, Dwight, Michael. Seinfeld. You got Jerry. You got Elaine. You got George. And you got Crazy Granger.

We've seen the shows. Yeah. They're as their own pros and cons. They bring the table. So I'm going to give you the top three that I've kind of gone through, and then you guys can work it out. Let's go to the other side. I'm sure he does, yeah.

So the Hunger Games. Jackie, what happens in the Hunger Games? They – Jacked up. Well, they, like, pull people from a hat or from a boat whatever and then they have to each district it's two people and then they have to go have you never watched it no and then they have i mean i know what the general concept is but i'm looking for a little more insight okay and then they have to go to this ring and compete to the death.

And then they at the end win food for a year. Food for a year. So this is just a competition to the death. Yes, but it's kind of like There's smarts and there's physical abilities.

It's like the MTV challenge. The big strong guy will excel over here but when you gotta do the puzzle you need the tiny smart girl and all that kind of like... There's smarts and there's physical abilities. Yes, it's like the MTV challenge. So it's like the big strong guy will excel over here, but when you got to do the puzzle, you need like the tiny smart girl and all that kind of shit. So everybody of different sizes and abilities, you know, count and matter. All lives matter. I would say, though...

I would say... I would say, you know, Se Seinfeld because there's less chicks. Wait, no. He gave it to her. It's Elaine and Pam. Oh, they're the only girls? It's George, Jerry, Kramer, Elaine, Jim, Dwight, Pam, Michael. Okay.

I'm going with Seinfeld. Are you? Because they're all sociopathic and I'm going with Seinfeld. Are you? Because they're all, like, sociopathic and I think would, like, fight to the death. I see. They might turn on each other. But, like, the stupidity of Michael and Dwight is going to be a problem. It's actually a pretty even match where I think Jerry and Mike. Mike, my boy.

Jerry and Mike. I think Jerry wins that. Like, I don't think. I think that's an edge to Seinfeld. Yeah? Yeah. Michael Scott's also. think Jerry wins that. Like, I don't think, I think that that's an edge to Seinfeld. Yeah? Yeah. Michael Scott's also. Michael Scott's too, like, friendly.

Like, Jerry's, like, cynical and, like, will, like, cut your fucking throat. Okay. You're right there. And then Kramer Dwight. Kramer Dwight. I think Dwight's got the upper hand there. Probably with his, like, knowledge of, like, the outdoors and shit like that. Yeah.

Speaks German. Hugely important in the Hunger Games. Kramer is kind of, like, one of those guys, though, that's kind of the outdoors. Everything. He speaks German. Hugely important in the Hunger Games. Kramer is kind of one of those guys, though, that's kind of like... But he's like you fall ass backwards into. Yes, true. So I think his competition would have to either... They'd lose the game themselves. And then he'd take it.

Sure. He'd swoop in somehow. Correct. I don't think Dwight loses the game. I think Dwight is... I mean, Motherfucker's a weapons expert. Right. Motherfucker speaks church. Yeah, you know what?

Dwight is a fucking borderline CIA. Yeah, yeah. He's probably the number one overall pick. You're right. And then Elaine and... Pam is fucking luggage. She is dead weight. Elaine is probably the second overall pick I would take.

Really? Why? Elaine will fucking kill you. She'll fuck you. She'll outwit you. She's a bad bitch. I am not. I love Elaine.

I'm a huge fan. Elaine is like... She'll use her feminine wiles. She is... True. Out of all... But I think there... She'll use her feminine wiles. She is... True. Out of all... When you're talking about competition, she's literally number two behind Dwight.

Like, Dwight... Jim is going to be like, oh, I'm Jim Albert. You know? No, but Jim's athletic as fuck. What do you mean? Is he? Yeah, basketball episode.

I mean, I wouldn't say he's athletic as fuck. I mean, he's... He rides his bike to work. In this, I think his... You see his athleticism in the basketball episode. He's athletic. I'm giving Jim 30 in a game. Yeah, I was going to say Paz will fuck it. I'm giving Jim.

Jim watching that, not a chance. Dude, he's not good at basketball. Bro, first of all, I'm talking about these eight people. In these eight people, you described Jim as athletic as fuck. Athletic as fuck? Yes. He's the goofy guy from the office. First of all, he's not. You see what his frame can handle. He's not making a high school basketball team.

What are you talking about? He played high school basketball. He made a high school basketball team. Then he started selling paper. Bro, of these eight people, Jim's the most athletic. Yes. Kramer can't open a door without falling down.

Costanza's short and fat. Jerry's a comedian. No athleticism there. True. But you're talking like, I will give you that he's the most athletic, but athletic as fuck is... In this world... No, in this world of Hunger Games, he's like...

They're not in the Hunger Games, they're playing each other There's only 8 people involved He is the most athletic, I will concede that That's all I will concede He's not athletic as fuck That's a pretty good pick then, if you're doing the Hunger Games The most athletic one, I'd say, might be number 2 I guess, but it's like

So the office has the 1-2 pick It's like being the tallest midget. It's like, all right, whatever. But he's competing against the other midgets, so it's hugely important to be the tallest one. He's not playing Katniss. Oh, look at this. He can dribble behind his back.

Hey, toasted dog. Toasted him. Fucking Larry Bird, Larry Legend over here. That is so funny when he sets up the behind the back dribble Like so hard Like right go He does Go back

You can see the ball was about to fall away Right there That is so funny I'm happy you caught that Because I did too He must have not been able to do that behind the back dribble That is so funny. I'm happy you caught that because I did too. I was like, oh, shit. He must have not been able to do that behind the back dribble to the point that. Find his jumper too.

He's got a wet jumper. A wet jumper. What a great episode. It's hard to do sports episodes of TV and, like, they did it. It's very funny. Yeah, it's great. It's great. Because, it's great. It's great. Because obviously it's bad.

So I'm taking, I think Pam isn't great. I think her, Pam. Pam is the worst. Pam and Elaine. George. Their max value is their creativity. I think they're both creative people. Pam's an artist.

You're underselling Elaine, man. She is, she is a siren. I don't disagree with that. But Dwight's not interested in sex, which is what I have with The Office, where earlier in The Office episode, he's like, what's a vagina? And then he's like fucking Angela all over the place. Not even Angela. He's like fucking the, was it Pam's sister?

Pam's like maid of honor. Yeah, he's like all smooth. He's like doing the wolf And he's like I'm What's the word? I'm ravished Yeah

I'm ravished Oh ravenous I'm ravenous From a night of love making Yeah Wolf shirts and shit like that Right Thanks God

But the So I'm taking them I'm taking Cause like Again I think the one two pick Is Michael Jim I'm Dwight Jim

So then you still have Michael, Pam. I got that squad fucking up Seinfeld. I'm taking the old-school, cynical, hyper-competitive, fucked-up weirdo crew of Seinfeld. The office is white toast. They're just your regular ass people. Everyday suburbanites. You keep forgetting about Dwight.

Dwight is a goddamn animal who goes to an office from 9 to 5. He's the only one. The other three are just like blah. Seinfeld you got. I have the 1-2 pick. Athletic as fuck. It's like I have my own snake draft here. Where I went, I got, fuck it. I have the 1-2 pick. Athletic as fuck. It's like I have my own snake draft here where I went, I got, fuck it, I'll take 1-2.

I'm fucking, I'm the Vancouver Canucks. I'll take both Sedins. Shut up, you dumb asshole. All right, let us know who wins in the Hunger Games, Seinfeld or The Office. I'll see you guys next episode. Fine. Fine. That felt like a genuine fine.

Just like fine. Not great. Not bad. Just fine. I'll save it for the show. Yeah, well, let's just go. Let's do it. Why are you feeling fine?

No, I was saying, I was saying rather than, you know, the new enthusiasm that I hate in society. Yeah. Stoked. I don't fuck off.

I'm usually a fine guy. You are? And I've gone the other way. People ask me how I'm doing. I say fantastic all the time. It's a lie. You're not doing fantastic at all. No, but it's the way to be.

Yeah, well. One of the stupidest moves. It's so funny. I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I read an interview with Jack Nicholson in 1985. And in it it he goes they said do you have any regrets in your career like 1985

and he's like I regret that I was honest in interviews he goes the only stupid thing I ever did was not he goes I thought people wanted to see real he goes I would never do that again I remember when he got in trouble for saying coke is not bad for everybody he was right

in those days He was right. In those days, he was right. Some people can handle it. But it was people outreach. I think people do want to hear it. I think for you, the person doing the interview, it's crazy, to be honest. Right. The audience, I think, does appreciate a good interview.

Well, but to a degree, yes. But a lot of people like bullshit i mean i'm quoting my mother my late great mother gail and uh and she used to say people are attracted to bullshit yeah she goes people love bullshit yeah i was like oh yeah people get tricked by bullshit because you don't people want to want it yeah and even if they don't realize to a certain extent i feel like that's the way it is if If you go out, you're just like showbiz, like fantastic, everything's great. I used to think it was just the opposite. People don't want that.

They like make fun of that. But it's got to be both. Well, I think in comedy, it's probably making fun of that. I think if you're like fucking Ryan Seacrest or you're like on the Today Show where you're just like smiling, shaking hands and make $50 million a year. But even in comedy, there's certain elements of it that sometimes you're like, the Today Show where they just like smile and shake hands and make $50 million a year. But even in comedy, there's certain elements of it that sometimes you're like, hmm, yeah.

Yeah. I think that people take, sometimes take a little much, too much pride in like not being that way when it's like just fucking. Well, that too. You know, like,

you're not, you're not some. Well, now we're getting into a dangerous area. Now you're turning into a attack on me. Let's change the subject. But see,

you have it where like, now like it is. You can do that. I can do that because I have a true attack on me. Let's change the subject. But see, you have it where, like, now, like, it is. You can do that. I can do that. You can do that. I have a voice. Even if I'm not real, my voice sounds like a guy that doesn't give a fuck. Yes. That is so true.

Your look and voice is perfect. Well, I don't know what the look had to enter into. Yeah, no, I think there are some people who are like, you know, think that they're like going to war by being anti-bullshit. Right, right, you're right. We're being a little bit dramatic here. So the synopsis of your new show is kind of a similar topic. Yeah.

A small talk, right? Yeah. Which I think is cool because I love the one-sentence sum-up was was like so perfect in two ways one saying the only thing you're good at the guy you got the one thing you're great at is having a good person right and the small talk from like friends and family down to like you know the mailman and and yeah people in the national small talk to what we're just talking about which is a right yeah yeah I think that's because there's it acceptable there was like some there was some point where it became hacky and cliche to make fun of small talk.

And it's like, just do the small talk, man. That's how the world runs. Just be normal and say hi and goodbye and talk about the weather. That's right. Being ironic about it is fine, but it's a luxury. To a point, it's like, shut up. I think that nails it on the head right there. Oh, thanks.

Yeah, no, it's interesting. Like anything else, the more you think about it, the more you like almost go into, it's a good thing I'm not a conspiracy type person because once you start going into rabbit hole, you're like, wait a minute, this actually connects to this. And it does. Luckily, it's only for comedy's purposes with me. But if I was, if I was just a slightly different genetic or whatever

neurological thing, I'd be like holy shit, that makes sense. So it is weird. Do you go out of your way to do... I am the exact opposite of someone who's like, I hate small talk. I do small talk all the fucking time. I go out of my way to be incredibly nice

to people. It seems like that's what you do With the synopsis We read here Where you're talking about Like counter people And things like that Yes I'm a big

Have a great day guy Like I'll say goodbye To everyone We were talking to Soder About it Where Soder's like Talking about how his girlfriend Gets so annoyed

Because he has to talk To everyone in the lobby Right To make sure I'm just trying to make One motherfucker's day And I keep pulling up shots And I keep pulling up shots.

Then I feel self-conscious that I didn't say goodbye to someone. I said goodnight too. You have a goodnight also. Me too. I mean it also. His counts for me. I don't say goodnight. I say you have a great night. I'm one of those people who talks to everybody all the time. Which is funny because I

would bet if you asked comedy fans, I think they would maybe think the opposite of you. Yeah, a lot of people, it's funny you said that because one time, because you're an asshole,

this guy came up to me and he goes, hey man, I just think you're a dick but now I think you're a cool guy. And I was like, yeah well,

the reverse of how I feel about you. I don't think people get when they're saying that. We get that a ton. There's a bunch of people on the internet who hate on us a lot. And then when we go out and do shows, they're like, I don't get why so many people hate you. I like you. And I'm like, you could have just said the second part. You don't need that first part.

I say that over and over again. You don't need the first part. Whatever your disclaimer is, you don't need that first part. I say that over and over again. You don't need the first part. Whatever your disclaimer is, you don't need to say it. Yes. You know, I think you guys are great and nobody else agrees,

but hey, you know, fuck, man. Why'd you say that? That's like if I do a show and somebody comes up to me after the show and I think it went good and he's like,

I thought you were funny. Yeah. Like, oh, thanks. The lone voice. Nobody else. The brave lone voice. I was in the room I heard the last other people said

you don't have to put yourself on an island here I think you're funny that is great stuff you're right so that first part what was the exact line like the one thing

I'm great at is having a good personality yeah I think that is the most important thing in the world you know having having personality well it's funny but it also sucks when it's like but i wouldn't mind having some of the other stuff too i wouldn't mind you know having all the other tall good-looking handsome whatever but if you're gonna have if you're gonna pick one i think i would pick

personality um yeah no i always say in uh and you either you have to better be if you want to be successful, you have to either be able to count really high or you better have a great personality. There you go, man. Yeah, but it is interesting personality because, like you said, once you get into any of this, I mean, what you guys do every day, this is personality. And you can't force it because if you

try to force it it just reads weird like you know it is like if you try to be some exciting person or try to be some more than you are it just never works and and for whatever reason everybody can tell it a mile away yeah you know like even just like regular people who aren't you you know, experts at any of this shit. That's right. They can just hear it and see it

in your body language. It's like, that guy's lying. By the way, that's one of the worst things about the internet and the funniest things is people pick up.

And here's what you do. You go down, read comments, and you're like, oh, I read comments. Yeah, that was great.

Great. You get like five in a row. You're like, I love comments. People are cool. I'm the best. And then one little one, you're like, ah, I kept going. I got greedy.

I should have stopped at five. We were too close to the sun, man. And the people who are nice, you forget about. Or they're just like, hey, you're funny. People who are mean say the one thing about your procedure. That's right. Well, I think that's our narcissism coming through. You think so?

Because when someone says you're funny, I'm like, yeah, I fucking know. You don't need to tell me that. When someone says you're funny, I'm like, yeah, I fucking know. You don't need to tell me that. When someone says you're not funny, you're like, oh, I know. It's a very different reaction. You're right. That's what I meant. That's what I knew so deep down in my heart. Very Irish.

Very Irish. Yeah, that is the struggle, man. You've got three red faces here. Yeah, for real. But it is interesting because what social media brought out in everybody, which I'm also thinking about in this show, is the fact that everybody's like, wait a minute, I'm claiming my place too. So I'm not just comments. My spot. I'm a person too.

So it's interesting to watch all of us become these other personalities. And so small talk is also about you know small talk but but about it's really about personality yeah yeah personality and it's really interesting once you get into it and national personality you know what i mean yeah about our uh our national personalities as a country what do you think that is well i mean i don't want to give give away the show i'm i'm giving away the show that's just how away the show. That's just how it goes. One of it is... Just do it for us now.

Well, I'll just go to the end part. I'll leave out the other parts. But where we are now as a personality is in the age of penance, the reformed party boy, which is like, I am heartily sorry

for all the things I've committed. Yeah, everything. Yeah, yeah. Sackcl, and ashes. So that's basically where we're at now. I talk about the other parts. What do you think is next? That's the question, isn't it?

Yeah. Because I think then the pendulum just keeps going back and forth. But people say that, but does it? Or does it get worse? Throughout my life, I've always told people it's going to turn back. And I was always wrong so far. I remember telling people in 2002, believe me, everybody's done with this political correctness.

Oh my God. In 2002, I would kill for 2002 right now. I was not the wisest prognosticator. I think the biggest difference is social media though because it's just not normal and natural for people to have that much interaction and connection. It made me anti-free speech. Yeah.

If everyone has a voice. Well, everyone shouldn't have a voice. No. The majority. The majority shouldn't. We should have like 10 people who are on top. That's right. And I'm not one of them. I would vote in Colin as one of them. I really think you'd be one of them. Guys, I appreciate it. I would listen to him. I'd like to be in charge of Twitter if he's giving away that job.

So, this fucking guy, he, by the way, has reached full levels of Trump where if you even talk about him, you get bombarded with people who are either defending him or think that you're attacking him, the left, the right. I was like, I'm just talking about the guy. I didn't even say anything. I wholeheartedly think he's just making up uh controversies whether it's doxing people and the gps and the and the jets or assassination coordinates or the uh not being

able to cross promote on twitter he makes these decisions that he knows are dumb and controversial and then he puts up a poll on twitter and then he and then he says look it's a democracy it's the greatest democracy on earth because I let the people decide. I just drum up fake controversy, and I let you vote about it, and now we're the greatest free speech platform in the world. But it's all just dumb things he's making up. Yeah. I find him to be the neediest loser to ever exist. $100 billion, and you're the biggest fucking loser. I think this is actually kind of perfect with Smalltalk

where I think if you don't have personality it's the one thing you want. You can't buy it. You can't fake it. The one thing Elon Musk can't have is a personality. Isn't he autistic or something? He's a loser and he's autistic. But to take the other

side of this, is it not true what he said about being social media, being like, whatever he was saying, like they were banning people more on the right than on the left? I think that's what it seems to be the case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that seems to almost be black and white. It's like the old joke about the guy, the hypochondriac that dies.

He goes, I told you I was sick but I I mean he as a guy who's funny right and has been around a lot of people who try to be funny right

and a very few amount of people make it you know sure there's nothing worse than a guy trying to be funny who's just not meant like be brilliant

like right be yourself you've already done your thing you've put fucking spaceships out there and shit like be that guy right

but people love the funny and the girls love the funny yeah people love to be funny and you usually love what you're not you know and I always

yeah I never understood it because I was funny if nothing else like you said I want you want all the other qualities but you know I mean I was the

I was literally the guy where they'd go you know this the pitch would go hit it to center field But, you know, I mean, I was literally the guy where they'd go, you know, the pitch would go, hit it to center field. He's got no arm. Right, right. No arm.

No matter how I tried, I had no arm. Right. And there's nothing more infuriating than no arm. It's so true. When you're watching a professional ball game and, like, you know, a guy's rounding second, rounding third, coming home, and you're like, we're going to get him at the plate and you see the throw and it's like five hopping to the plate. You're like, what the fuck

was that, man? I had the same thing but in hockey. I had no shot. I was really good at everything else. I couldn't shoot the fucking ball. That's kind of important. It's a hugely important piece. Well, that's the other thing.

If you don't have an outside shot in basketball, even if you play great, they will back up and let you shoot. That is the most emasculating thing in the world. And they say it. They're like, he ain't got no jumper. Leave him out there. It's like, oh. And then you try it.

When Ben Simmons was on the Sixers. When you're a professional, when that happens on the playground, that hurts. When you're a professional and they're doing it to you. There were pictures of Ben Simmons. No one was even at the foul line. No one's on the TV screen. No other defender's on the TV. How about the poor guy yesterday?

He's like, okay, it's the last play of the game. What could happen with the Patriots? Oh, God. What could happen? He's like, hey. I'm so happy, by the way, as a Jets fan. The second Ramon J threw it back to Jacoby, I was like, this is a disaster. Yo, he deserves more fucking hate than he's getting.

Yes. That started the whole goddamn circus. It was. That was, as a Jets fan who has had to hear about the butt fumble for the last 12 years. Yes. That's dethroned, brother. That is gone. I think the fumble is now third most embarrassing play in NFL history.

I actually don't think we're one. I think one's Colts. I don't know, man. The Colts fake punt. Have you ever seen it? It was against the Pats. It was probably like four years ago. I would say 2016, I would guess. Oh no, that was in Flacco too, was it? No, no, no, no, no.

No, this was the Colts. This was McAfee. McAfee, they called a fake pun. Wait a minute, let me just say how old I am. When you said Colts, I thought of Baltimore immediately. That's how old I am. I think the problem with this one is they thought they were doing, you know, it's a planned play. Yeah, so they all run over there. It's a cool play. So they all run over there.

That's a cool play. Yeah, until you see what happens, though. And they just... What happened? You had the ball? Yeah. They lined everybody up. Didn't block them. They're had the ball? Yeah. They just they lined everybody up didn't block him

they're snapping the ball here like normal but everyone else is over here. So the Patriots just stood there waiting and as soon as he snapped the ball

it's out. It just tackled him. Because there's nobody defending it. Nobody blocking. That is So that's the thing is that that's

you know Jacoby Myers was like frazzled in the moment. Did they fire that coach? He had, I mean, eventually. They should have fired him right now. That's one of the greatest plays I've ever...

And by the way, I'm blaming Belichick for that play yesterday. Are you? Yeah. Why? Because I don't like the fact that automatically people are like, oh, Belichick had nothing to do with it. Yeah, fuck that. I see what you're saying.

He's usually, actually, for a guy who usually gets all the credit for everyone always being prepared for every play and everything. Where was that? I'm telling you, he was on the sidelines probably going, G. Cole. Throw it, throw it. I agree that Belichick is always like a well-coached team. But there are some things where it's just like.

This team's not. No, that's what I know. There are some things where it's just like, I don't know, man. Don't go off sides. You're a professional athlete. Do I have to explain that to you? And you're right. Belichick did probably get too much credit for that one.

It's like, during practice, he makes them run a lap if they go off sides. I don't know. That probably doesn't really matter much. But wait a minute. Speaking of off sides, what happened in that game yesterday, the World Cup? What is off sides being in soccer? I don't even understand what it means. If you are behind the last defenseman

when the ball is kicked. Say Kevin's the last defenseman. If my teammate has the ball, as soon as he kicks it, I can run past him. It prevents cherry picking. It prevents somebody from just staying way back so you can just kick him the ball and score.

You've got to move with the defense so it prevents you from just hanging back. I'm looking for that goalie. Dude. I feel – Who's the backup? Oh, was he? Yeah.

Oh, I don't think I knew that. That whole game, man, that was – I said if soccer was like that every day, I'd watch it all the fucking time, but it's so rare. I mean, that was like a screw-up. Those clips of Argentina afterwards were fucking insane. What happened? The city of Argentina.

The videos of Argentina. The videos of Buenos Aires. Oh, it was the best. It was fucking... I mean, the whole fucking country. Yeah. In the streets, partying. And then, meanwhile, do you know the comedian Sam Talent? Who?

Sam Talent. Do you know him? He was in Paris yesterday, and he was like, this city's going to burn down. Like, there's nothing quite like the losing side i was almost like you're you're you're witnessing one of the most interesting things on the planet right now like the part the winning party is you know whatever you know the country last time yeah that destroyed me but also you know you had your your star got a hat trick and you scored so late,

and you came back twice, and then you lose, and you just drank yourself to death, I think. My crone was up there. What's that? My crone was at the gate. Yeah. There was after Mbappe's second goal. Hugging him, right?

He was, like, consoling him. They cut away from him too fast. I think he was about to do a wild dance. He had one hand up and was, like, going like this. I think he's about to take his shirt dance. He had one hand up and was like, going like this. I think he's about to take his shirt off. Even the French coach is stylish. They have a look to him. I think one of the best

tweets I ever seen was that American football coaches dress like high school dropouts. European football coaches dress like Bond villains. That's very true. That's a good one. I got a bone to pick with you. Uh-oh.

I got a big bone to pick with you. Whoa. Buddy. Buckle up. We had our good pals, newly good pals in here recently, Nickelback. And we asked them,

what's the etymology of the hate? I know. You know it's a tough crowd? Oh, yeah? No, I heard about it. I heard about it. I didn't hear about it at the time. I heard about it years later.

It wasn't me. No, it wasn't you. That is true. It's not your fault. It's your fault by proxy. You gave them a platform, Colin. Yeah, you platformed the hate. I didn't even know.

You were spreading hate. Cancel Colin. I had never heard a Nickelback song. Remember, I'm old. I didn't know a Nickelback song at the time when he said Nickelback, but it did become a thing. And here's how I know it was a thing. Because, well, you guys will tell me what but it did become a thing and here's how I know it was a thing because uh well you guys are talking about they said but a couple years later I was doing these colleges with these young comedians and about three different times I

know it was different comedians in front of the college crowd made a Nickelback joke yeah I was like that's bad for these guys yeah that's not good for these guys If you're a Nickelback you don't like that I It is At the end of the day they sold like a hundred million Records so I don't think it really Yeah they are massively popular So I actually I think it's one of those things I don't know if I

Had the balls to say it to them when they were in here Cause I think I think it's one of those like I think this is actually a good thing and i think they would tell you like no it's fucking not it sucked getting that so much like we said about comments right i do think that it kept their name like they are always and and i think they were able to they actually now embraced it and they kind of make fun of it with people and so now they've you know they love it but i'm sure there was a time from like 2002 to 2010 that they were like fuck yeah they were they

were like it sucked every interview being like so the world hates you huh yeah like yeah i guess so and i guess the problem so uh the joke was on the commercial that was the problem yes because the show like it would have been whatever but, but it was running Comedy Central every second of the day. They said, like, seven months. I didn't even realize that until this year. I was like, wow, that comment really had an effect. Yeah, no, it was a commercial.

It was a fucking commercial. And you gotta think, early 2000s is when Comedy Central's cooking, right? Yes! So people are tuning in for you and Chappelle and the stand-up and you see the commercials oh my god you're right it's just that commercial after you watch you're watching you chapelle and south park and every single commercial break is a nickelback joke about how people want to kill nickelback oh my god that is i swear i would have tried i would have probably tried to help them

take it down really i mean not that i said something i don't know if i would have had the power but I mean... Yeah, yeah. If somebody had told me, I probably would have said, yeah, leave him alone, man. Because, you know what I mean? Because it's a band. Yeah, yeah. It's also...

It's such a, like, whatever joke, you know? It's not like... No. The greatest joke you've ever heard. But it really did. But it really resonated. People are always looking for a band to, like, to embody what they want to attack. Mm-hmm.

So, you know what I mean? So, in the old days People would be like Hey These new kids on the block But that was a different vibe Yeah Because the block They would expect it

They were from little kids But Nickelback Yeah I'm sure they were Like before that Creed Remember that guy That was good But they are

I believe One and two In albums sold In like the 2000s In the 2000s So it's like... Even in the past 15 years? I don't know about now, but from 2000 to 2010.

But that's what I'm saying, but I wonder... Yeah, if it keeps up. Sometimes that no such thing as bad publicity is true, but it also probably just sucks for you as a person. Of course it sucks. I'd rather have my publicity be good. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like we're talking about with the car,

oh my God, they must have got destroyed. You know what I mean? Yeah. And even though it's really, I had nothing to do with it, they probably want to stab me. I'm sure. I'm sure they hate your fucking guts.

They probably hate me more than the guy that said it. Yeah, yeah, no. Because there's no way they remember it was Brian Foe, I don't know how to say his name. Right, right. They know it was Colin Quinn.

They know. Yeah, that's right. They probably have fucking voodoo dolls at home every concert they're like by the way

everybody is a piece of shit that recently came out as a pro-nazi Colin Quinn Colin's like what really I don't know why

they hate me they're just like we gotta get you guys in a room together I mean they were very cool guys and they are massively successful still. And they play along with it now, and they're in on the joke. But I think they would have a good time. They would rib you for sure.

I doubt it. Sounds like one of those ideas that you think of, and you're like, that's a good idea. And then it crashes and burns miserably. What's the worst idea you've ever been a part of? Me? Yeah. Like something stupid like that. Some producers are like, we're going to get this guy and this guy and we're going to do this special or whatever it is

and then it happens and it was like the worst thing ever. Well, I mean, I'll have to think about that but David Spade had a joke once about when they were doing Blues Brothers 2000 and he was doing that Hollywood Minute thing on SNL, and it was Blues Brothers 2000, remember? Yeah. They were at the Super Bowl, and he goes,

that's not something you do. That's something you get high and talk about doing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Don't execute those things. Just laugh at them in the moment and fucking leave them there. You should open a bar, dude.

Like that guy's saying. Yes, exactly that, man. That's hilarious. I noticed they refer to Small Talk as a stage show. Yeah. Is that just a fancy way to say a comedy special? Yeah, but in some ways it is. But in some ways, comedy, you know, it does, even though I hate to say this because I work it out at comedy clubs.

So I'm like, hey, of course, at comedy clubs, there's really no distinction. The distinction only is that at comedy clubs, people expect a lot more sex talk, I feel. Oh, interesting. That's how I feel about comedy clubs. They expect more sex. Because for whatever reason, we're programmed or self-whatever to say, I want to come out and I want to hear a little sex talk. Yeah. And you're just not doing sex talk?

I'm Irish, guys. If anybody should understand, you guys should. We don't do sex. I mean, aren't you from like the North Bronx? Didn't you go to Fordham in the North Bronx? You know what I mean. Yeah. I mean, aren't you from like the North Bronx? Didn't you go to Fordham in the North Bronx? You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, you know, I mean, it's really, it's so funny because I talk about, obviously

as a comedian, you talk about sex in your act. When I tell you, when I talk about sex, I would say 80% of the shit I talk about, the crowd's just like, you? Don't talk about that. Really? I'm like, you talk about people talking about eating ass for 20 minutes. This one's talking about jerking off. And I bring up some mild thing and they're like, whoa.

Hey, buddy, relax. Is that true or you think that's your own insecurity? No, no, no. There's a real reaction like that? I want the sex shit to work. You know you have a guy. And in that world, no, some of it works. But as a general rule

I better hit and move along with that sex shit there you go and I don't know if it's them or if it's in my Irish it's literally

all we talk about it's the you know somehow in the Irish shame DNA where you're like I should not be doing this this is fucking Jesus is watching

well it's almost like you know it's like your mother's going what the hell are you talking about that shit yeah you know what I mean it's not like It's like your mother's going What the hell are you talking about That shit Yeah You know what I mean It's not like

It's It's so ingrained Irish is such a funny response Is that right They just We don't do sex They're like Fucking talk

Like they're not They're just like Disgusting It is It reminds me of the In 30 Rock Jack Donaghy's mother They're obviously very Irish, and whenever he talks

about sex, he always goes, what are you, Italian? Oh. That's a good, yeah. Especially the mother thing. Like, people talk about sex with their parents. No Irish. I can't imagine. Oh my God. Adam Sandler used to have one of the best jokes. This was back in the early days,

late 80s but his joke and this is there's nothing better than a joke that's not really it's clean it's not like graphic it's not just but it's just and he goes yeah he goes anytime i was sick he goes my mother's putting vick's vapor rub on my chest and she's like oh my god you know i guess it was always that moment where i'm like mom we're just friends right oh god and the other one is jim morrison do you ever hear him do that one no it's that you you know the famous thing father i want to mother i want to have a game, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, Jim Morrison, Father, yes, son. He goes, I walk into the room or whatever, the doorway. Father, yes, son. I want to kill you.

Mother, and he's playing the door and he's thinking in the background. Yes, son. What is it, son? son what's the matter are you okay i'm fine mother i'm fine what's the matter why are you up so why are you in the doorway are you okay she just goes into this whole mother character he used to do i'm not doing the character it was so funny the guy bails and bails. I remember being afraid. Not afraid, but I was like, when I told my parents I was going to have a kid, I was like, when they know I have sex, they're going to know I had sex with someone.

And they feel it too, right? It's not like it touches his imagination. That means he came inside somebody. Yeah, they look at him like, I wonder how many other, I mean, some people feel like that, but as a general rule, I feel like that's really an Irish thing. Yeah. Oh, dude.

I tell my parents are concerned. I'm a virgin. Yeah. Like they, they have. And as we've gotten older, we'll talk about more and we'll like, you know, be a little more loose, but that never that. I actually was one time telling them, like, I was like, I broke up with a girl. This is a while back.

It was like a messy breakup. And, and I was like trying to explain to explain to them how bad I felt about everything. And I was like, it's just so hard dealing with this kind of betrayal from someone. I'm eating dinner. I'm like, I've been intimate with? I gave my flower to him? I had no idea. This is like, I was late 20s.

I was an adult man. Nobody understands this. We're like, of course. I'll be on my deathbed, you know, not being able to talk about it to my parents. One of the bad ones, and this is mild to anybody else, but except the first part is, so my friend's father, we're like eight years old, my friend's father had this girlfriend that he would let,

I guess he wanted his sons to be healthy sexually. He would let us see, you know, she'd like flash her tits at us. Oh, jeez. Yeah. It's cool for the friends. What's that? It's cool for the friends.

I don't know about the sons. I don't know about the sons, but this girl was, by the way, unless I'm just a little kid, rose-colored glasses. Yeah. She was with several of his girlfriends. This one was a killer. Yeah, unless I'm just a little kid, rose-colored glasses. She was with several of his girlfriends. This one was a killer.

So I kept going in and going, hey, can I look again? I kept coming back. Apparently, I was almost psychotic. I kept coming back. Knocking on the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old were you, do you think? Eight.

Eight? Jesus Christ. Father comes and picks me up the next day. how old are you, do you think? Eight. Eight, Jesus Christ. And my father comes and picks me up the next day. We walk across the crosswalk. But before we left, this father, this other father, who's really my idol in life, you know, he goes, your son's really interested in sex. He's like in a positive, like he's one of these guys. Your son really likes it.

And I could see my father was like, what the fuck? That was the quietest. We didn't say a word to each other. The whole walk across the park. It was like a 45-minute walk. We didn't say one word. We never discussed it the rest of our lives. Dude, that used to be a skit or in a movie.

An eight-year-old kid. Your son's into sex. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Adult man. What the fuck? How do you know this? No, he explained to him what happened.

Oh, Jesus. But this is like the late 60s so people can't let shit slide. Yeah, you're doing that shit. In fact, now you're going to jail. Can you imagine? Yeah, I know. Meanwhile, this guy's

the greatest guy. Yeah, you love him, right? No, not just me. Every one of our friends was like, we love him. I'm sure, bro. I mean, he discovered the greatest. friends was like, we love you. I'm sure, bro. I mean, he discovered the greatest.

He was like, hey, these kids are young. And in the grand scheme of things, it made sense. Because we're like, he knew like at that age, we were perfect. My brother, we brought up my younger brother, because my friend's younger brother was there too. My younger brother to this day, he goes, well, I didn't even know he wasn't there. He goes, I remember hearing you guys talk about that. He goes, my whole

life I've regretted that I was there. To this day it still bothers me that I missed out. I remember. Dude, I mean you think about when like we would get like our hands on a Playboy. Yes. And that was the biggest deal. We were all 10 guys in the bathroom stall

at the fucking ice skating rink sharing a magazine. We had a real life chick showing tits. This guy had another girlfriend who was not as hot. You know, really shouldn't be judging. But she had a great body. And she was boxing. And he let his whole feel her tits and her hands. What?

Dude, you, maybe, did any of these guys turn out to be perverts? I don't know. No. Not even perverts. Nobody. Yeah. Maybe that's the key. Maybe you let some kids see some tits at 8.

I mean, look, everybody's into it. Yeah. If anybody was in the corner, like, not enjoying it would probably be more suspicious. But, I mean, and my brother, to this day, who's one of the nicest guys, he's like, I still regret. He goes, I remember you guys telling me about that. And I was like, what? Did I miss?

He was sick or something. Fucking incredible. And he was probably six. Yeah. No, maybe he was seven. I was 10. I don't know. I had my birds and the bees talk, probably around the same age.

Yeah. And I remember it so clearly. Me and my dad were going to my aunt's house for some summer barbecue in Sudbury, Mass. And we're driving there. I remember from Fall River. We're driving from Fall River. How old were you? I was probably eight, probably around that age.

Why did they have to have it so early, by the way? I don't know. What the fuck, man? My kids are almost that age. I'm not talking to them about sex. Fuck that. And he was like, so by now you've seen a pair of boobs before. And he was like, he's like, so, like, by now, you've seen a pair of boobs before. And I was like,

I was like, no, no, I haven't. And he's like, wow, we thought you were growing up with this kid's mother. And I was like, no, I haven't. And he's like,

well, I mean, you've at least seen, like, a Playboy magazine before. And I was like, I haven't. What a loser my kid is. What a fucking dork. And it ended up devolving into a fight.

Him screaming at me. Don't lie to me. I know you've seen boobs before. I was like, dude, I don't know what to tell you. He's like, at least some kid in your school has brought in a picture of boobs. And you've looked at them. Don't lie to me. I was like, dad, I'm not lying.

I'm in third grade. I've never seen boobs. I don't know how the fuck to tell you. That's great. That should be a movie then and now now that's probably why i'm so repressed about sex now i'm like fine i'll just never fucking talk about it ever again how about that okay oh my god being irish is a fucking uh it's a it's it's a mental illness just just being born into this group is a fucking mental illness i always do when i do i've

done a few couple shows in Ireland. And I go, because I go, and guess what? We're Irish. I go, and we know you don't like to let us be Irish. I go, you're like, you guys aren't Irish. You can't stop us. We say it every day. Yeah.

And you can't stop us. We're not actually Irish. Yeah, we say it all the time. We suffer the slay. They don't understand. We get the same stupid. We say it all the time. We suffer the slay. They don't understand. The Catholicism is... If we're going to get all the fucking... Yes, yes.

We're going to say it. We're going to get the credit for being Irish too. Yeah. Chris O'Connor has a great bit about that where he's talking about how... He's like, no... I forget. There were 11 million Irish people in Ireland.

He's like, there's 170 million Irish people outside Ireland. We're the Irish ones. You're fucking not. God damn it. He goes, you guys are just protecting Disney World for when we want to come back. We had the balls to go out into the world. That's hilarious. I never even thought about it.

How funny is that? There's 100 million outside and 11 million? Yeah. That's a great thing. That is funny. What is your – we actually – we had – Shane was on recently, and he was talking about – Oh, he gets one name now.

Yeah. Right? I was thinking that too. Shane. Like Kobe. We just know who he is now. But you did know. Yeah.

You did know. You didn't say Shane O. You're right. There's no other Shane. Yeah. We had Madon on. And he was talking about watching, just going back to Louis' office

and watching their favorite sketches. Just kind of going back and forth, passing back and forth. What would be one of your favorite sketches of all time? Not sketches, but bits. Okay. Go back and watch it. Come back to my office and we'll watch skits together.

They were showing booze. Favorite sketches of what? Of just all-time comics. They were just watching, like, they would put on Bernie Mac and they put on... Oh, stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want to sketch? I don't want to sketch.

What's the greatest for you? Because Shane was very high on Bernie Mac. He was like, you know, not a lot of people will say that that's like the best ever, but he was like... Was it Milk and Cookies by Bernie Mac? Yeah, I think he was like, you know, he was just like, it hit every fucking joke. First of all, he doesn't have to say,

not everyone's going to say it like he's the... No, I put words in his mouth there. I know Shane's going to hear me on that one. I didn't say that, you fucking pussy. I would say, I would say, I would say, I mean, a couple of Chris's,

Chris Rock's bits in Green and Pain. Yeah. I mean, you know, and, I mean, there's so,

I would, you know, I mean, obviously, George Carlin, speaking of Irish Catholics since that's one of the themes today,

George Carlin, that, I timed that bit once because I had to go speak at his thing. It was like 11 minutes or something of the Irish Catholic stuff that my parents in that generation

were like the first generation of half-fallen Catholics that didn't want to go to church. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It changed their life. That bit about going to church, confession, nobody had done it because he did it with a

gentleness that early stuff he had yeah about the catholic church right and he had the priest and he described the priest and described the mindset of everybody hit a lot of people they used to listen to it all the time at family parties at every get together for like five years that bit was so powerful it it it changed my. I mean, I was watching going, this is unbelievable what comedy in a certain group of people. For sure.

You know what I mean? Like that generation of parents that he was from. Yeah. And some of them wouldn't even be laughing. They'd just be sitting there drinking and smoking

and listening. And it was just hitting them in a powerful way. Yeah. So that bit really, that bit was the most powerful most important in my life. Religion does have that effect. People talk about your blog all the time.

You're like, how to survive Christmas mass with the family. Yeah, I just wrote a post just like, the things that you go through in Christmas mass church. You got to save the seats for your family and you're hot. You don't know the prayers and there's a girl you want to look at, but you can't. And it was like, I thought it was just whatever, but people talk about it all the time. But that's great. Yeah, I mean, that was like 10 years ago that I wrote it. Everyone was like, that blog, that post was like, yeah, yeah. It's like we all can relate to that shit.

You know what? Because religion is fucking weird. But that's beautiful. That's the beauty of anything. When you do something and everybody. But that's beautiful. That's the beauty of anything. When you do something and everybody goes, that hits people. That's great. That's the name of the game, man. Yeah.

You got a couple extra minutes to film a video real quick next time? Sure. I know they said you got to get out here by 1145. So it's 1140. So we'll pop over. So the show is Small Talk. And it's out. January 23rd, right?

Yeah. Well, it starts January 6th. January 6th. Let's go. But January 23rd, it Well it starts January 6th January 6th Let's go But January 23rd It opens I think Oh I see I see

Okay I don't know why I'm a big I'm a big Broadway And off Broadway guy So I will be there Oh nice I saw Straight Line Crazy

Recently Not very good Why don't you go see Neil Diamond I'm going to do it. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.