KFC Radio - We React to The Girl Who Dumped Her Hinge Date Over $3 Cheese Ft. Chris Distefano

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:08:04 Mean Girls Dinosaur Clip 00:15:42 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFyDjV7rmw 00:22:11 $3 Cheese Girl 00:30:20 KFC's weird bar interaction 00:44:51 Who stole Johns headphones? 00:48:38 Instagram's new "memory" feature 00:56:54 The Oscars 01:00:53 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Cb47G6hImk 01:05:34 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpmGv92DMyY 01:08:13 Feits watches action movies at 7am 01:19:56 The Last of Us Finale 01:25:44 Tiger Woods can't have another girlfriend 01:31:27 Ja Morant's got photos spread of him at the club 01:32:15 https://twitter.com/shannonsharpeee/status/1634710539854307328 01:34:42 Trevor Baur signed in Japan 01:36:06 Video Voicemails 02:05:52 Chris Distefano Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to drinkpiratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near youYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. She said methodical. But she said methodical. Is that how you pronounce it? No, you mean mythological. Mythological. I literally texted Alana earlier today and I was like...

You never change. Never change me, girl. All right. KFC Radio Live is about to go back out on tour. We're starting in April down in Texas. We're going to be in Houston, Dallas, and Austin on the 26th, 27th, and 29th. You can get your tickets there. Then we're going to come back home.

We're at the Wilbur on May 12th. We're almost sold out there. You know that we always burn it down at the Wilbur. And then we're going to be in Stanford, Connecticut a couple days later on the 14th. We'll be announcing more dates throughout the spring and summer. So check it out. But get your tickets now if you are in Texas, Boston, or Connecticut. The Rust Belt, we're coming.

I think Upstate New York, we're coming. Maybe Toronto, we're coming. Maybe fucking Minnesota, we're coming. I forget all the places. Get those tickets first. One show! We are doing one show fucking everywhere. One show everywhere. We got DeStefano on the show today. We One show! We are doing one show fucking everywhere. One show everywhere.

We got DeStefano on the show today. We talked about how he only does one show, too. We're doing one goddamn show. That's it. I get too tired to do two shows. And you get too drunk. That is true. Speaking of getting too drunk, we got Pirate Water. They are... Not getting too drunk, but getting nice and drunk. Getting good and drunk. Getting responsibly drunk on one or two cans

of Pirate Water. 10% alcohol by volume. Only $2. They are sponsoring the show. I say, before you come to our show, have between one and two Pirate Waters and you will be perfect for a comedy show. And then we'll have some more there. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports

Network. We're coming in hot off the Nate episode, which I think a lot of fans would enjoy, but I promise you this, the people at Barstool really love it. Really? Oh, yeah. The amount of people, we just were out there filming a video, so the whole company was around, and everyone was like, yo, good episode, good episode. High-fiving, dapping it up.

I didn't get any of that. I came in late, but I didn't get any of that. They were loving it. Also, it was a great, I I didn't get any of that. They were loving it. Also, it was a great episode. I think we walked out and if you haven't listened, go listen to it after this episode. Nick was like, yeah, I've never seen

Nate shine like that. He was great. It was almost like Nate prepared and it was like we scripted it or something. I think there was some prep. Oh, he had some one-liners and some thoughts like, when thoughts like when this comes up i'm gonna say that he had topics he wanted to go yes yes yeah one of those it's like we're doing crowd work but i just asked the people in the audience the premise yeah yeah that sort of thing because so we were out there doing uh our annual um bracket busters challenge where you draft the underdogs.

You can always count on somebody not showing up to that. This year, it's the Chicklets. The thing is, usually it's a scrub and they get in a lot of trouble. Chicklets is too big to get in trouble, but we'll see. Usually, Dave kicks you straight up out of the contest if you don't show up or you don't take it seriously. Now, when it's one of your

biggest earners, though, it's kind of like right just don't do it yeah or is it like different rules yeah right we'll see though i don't know because because he does take that shit very seriously um the the first year we ever did it i didn't realize how soon first of all but we do things like this and i talk about with a native so i'm just here to do funny like i don't really care about winning or trying or and so knowing so I had the first overall pick one year. I think the first year we ever did it. The first overall pick. And I believe I chose a 16 seed in a play-in game.

And Dave was like, he wasn't, I mean, he was definitely mad, but it wasn't like you're kicked out. He's just like, well, Feidelberg just fucking doesn't give a shit. But I thought that would be the funniest thing to do. Because Dave and I had a little bit of a feud. And I thought the funniest thing to do would be, because it was also four Dave and I had a little bit of a feud, and I thought the funniest thing to do would be – because it was also Dave's 40th birthday, and I was like, I'm not going.

Right, right, right. The big prize that year was DP40. Yeah, yeah. I was like, can I please lose as fast as possible? That's funny. Yeah, it's funny. But I don't think Dave found it funny. Yeah, like Dave's not thinking that way.

He's not thinking about that angle, but that would have been – that is funny. I'll tell you what was funny. Glennie Balls was just shit-faced drunk. Right now? Right now. It's 11 o'clock in the morning on Monday. I went over to him. So every year we've done this, Glennie always has like a prep sheet.

Like I'm taking this team first. If they get drafted, I'm taking this team. If they get drafted, I'm taking this team. So I go over to him. This company is awesome. I go, get drafted, I'm taking this team. If they get drafted, I'm taking this team. So I go over to him. This company is awesome. I go, Glennie, you're always my guy. Who am I drafting this year? And he goes, shut up.

And I was like, what do you mean? And he goes, shut up. And I was like, no, seriously, you're always my guy. You always help me pick. And he goes, I'll tell you something right now. I had a few drinks last night. And I'm feeling it and i was like when did you get in and i meant like get in from the night yeah and he goes right now and i was like you got in right now and he was my new my new train gets in at 10 46 i was like no not not get into the office like

when did you the night end and he was like, shut up. Stop making me feel bad. Shut up. And then Kahn's goes like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this guy. He's shit-faced. Just fucking blind drunk at 11 a.m. on a Monday. I go to him, oh, was it a big St. Patrick's Day celebration?

No, no. He goes, I've just been on a bender and I kept it going. I know that game. He goes, I've just been on a bender and I kept it going. I know that game. All right, Glennie. Shut up! It's like perfectly a drunk. Like if you were trying to be an overly drunk, like if you're acting overly drunk. Shut up!

Like in a cartoon? Yeah. He had X's on his eyes when he closed them. It's great. God bless Glennie Balls Yeah but Nate Dogg is Riding so high Because he's getting a lot of love

Well deserved It was probably some of the best Content I've seen Nate put out Because he was just Having a good time Which is why One of my favorite episodes to do Lately are the Monday episodes Because he was just normal. He was just having a good time. He was just himself. You know what it was? Which is why one of my favorite episodes to do lately are the Monday episodes. Yeah.

Because I do think we do a good job. Not we, but I think. We bring out the normal. I don't even know. I guess it's in a sense us. But I think there's so much content here where it's like me versus you. Even when it's not we're like like someone's the butt of the joke and i think our show has always been like let's just fucking hang

out yeah and we've said that a million times but i think that was the clearest stuck to it and now we finally did and these people are like oh yeah yeah to come in and just you don't have to be like ready or like on the on the defensive or you know and it's just like yeah just tell me what you think he was so relaxed that he also, we said there's like two versions of the dog. Like there's the first version of the dog, which was like junkyard dog. And then now this is like the introspective

or retrospective rather, like he kind of looks back on it all and like knows what he did right and wrong. And so he's like, he's like at peace with it. You know, the first version of the dog was man on fire. He was just like, you know, and he, but he but he talked about he like burned every bridge and like ruined everything because he was just being an asshole uh but yeah no i mean that was he had us rolling yeah everything was like boom fucking punchline after it is it is funny too with like because there is

like and there was some subtle stuff that like maybe even fans won't get. But it's a very inside Barstool episode. So if you work at Barstool, that episode's like a 10 out of 10. If you don't, though, there's someone at your office that is like this guy or that girl or whatever. Everybody kind of has some version of that boss or that co-worker, so everybody can kind of relate. It's just that we do it all on the internet for the world for the world to see but yeah nato riding fucking high um so the the other big um the other big thing from barstool this weekend was uh yet again undefeated top top top of the charts another mean Girls clip. This podcast has now just become a Mean Girls reaction podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like Chicklets Game Notes. Yeah, yeah. We're Mean Girls Game Notes. We go around the league and we just talk about Alex and Jordan. But this one, you know, usually when we're reacting to Mean Girls, it's like, what do you do when a guy doesn't, you know, pay for something on a date?

Which we'll talk about that in a second too, because there's another clip of a fucking dumb bitch on the internet. But this time, this one's a little bit different. This clip was mayhem. This clip was, like, pure chaos. When asking if dinosaurs were real is, like, not the dumbest thing said in the clip, you know you're in for a ride. But the big debate was, well, we'll just play the clip.

Do you think dinosaurs were real and existed, or do you think they were methodical creatures? I don't know. Part of me likes to think that there was, but part of me likes to also not think that there was because it freaks me out. Tyrannosaurus rexes were the ones that flew, right? No. Tyrannosaurus rex were the massive ones with the little hands, right? That's a T-Rex. Pterod that flew, right? No. Tyrannosaurus Rex were the massive ones with the little hands, right?

That's a T-Rex. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. And then what? They all just went extinct? The meteor. Got them all? Got them all.

But dinosaurs don't have, if you're a reptile, you don't have to have sex to reproduce. You just lay eggs. No, you do have sex. Right? How would that? It's like a penguin, right? They lay eggs. They went extinct because they stopped reproducing, but I guess there was a meteor.

I didn't know that part. You didn't? No. Wait, Alex. Are you serious? Yes, it's like basic third grade history. I've never heard that. The Big Bang?

No, not the Big Bang! Bro, in a 60 second clip, you have... Are dinosaurs real? Are they a methodical animal? Which I didn't even, it took me a while to figure out that she meant mythological. I was like, I don't even know, what's a methodical animal? I don't even know.

I thought she was like mechanical animal, like something about Jurassic Park. I was like, I don't even know what's going on here. Are dinosaurs real? Are they methodical? A Tyrannosaurus Rex is a pterodactyl. Thinking that a T-Rex is different from the Tyrannosaurus Rex. That one snuck in there. She's like, no, no, no, that's the T-Rex.

We're talking about the same animal. Dinosaurs didn't have to have sex to reproduce. And the meteor that hit the Earth to wipe out the dinosaurs was the Big Bang. That's six of the dumbest things I've ever heard in a 60 second clip. That's six of the dumbest things I've ever heard in a 60-second clip.

That's incredible. Well, hang on now. And that's why, the reason why, and that's why I'm doing this. I would never just do a clip like this and just be like, you're fucking dumb. Anybody on their high horse talking shit, being like, unfollow, this is why Barstool sucks.

I don't like like anybody talking shit has not talked into a mic for everyone to listen to for hundreds of hours because you end up saying some dumb shit because was this rather impressive to cram it all into one 60 second clip yes one conversation perhaps uh but i mean you thought you could cook food in your mouth, in your butt. I posed it as a question. I'm still, I, I, last episode I wasn't convinced. I'm still not totally convinced that I can't cook. Like, I think, I think we saw something recently that like an egg maybe can cook in your butt. Get me, get me a speculum.

We'll figure that out. But, but here's the deal with this. First of all, yes, you're going to, like, this is almost like we've talked about it with, like, funny. When people get offended by something, you only get offended when it's close to you. You only say, like, everyone's dumb about something. Everyone has something they're incredibly stupid about. And you get, like, you fucking idiot. If you're watching this going, you fucking idiot, you have a topic where most people can go, you fucking idiot. Absolutely.

No brainer about it. Second of all, the largest offender in this clip is Alex Bennett. As the person who doesn't really know what they're talking about? Yeah. However, I'm going to bennett's side alex bennett if i had to guess judging by i know her a little bit but judging by what i know about her a a well-to-do gal from oklahoma her science they never mentioned dinosaurs to her alex alex bennett is showing her her christian southern science class for alex bennett that was adam and eve was adam and eve Alex Bennett is showing her Christian southern upbringing.

Science class for Alex Bennett? That was Adam and Eve. Was Adam and Eve fucking gay people or pedophiles? Fucking life starts the moment you drop a load on a puss. Like, that's Alex Bennett. Yo, straight up, I'm guaranteeing she had a teacher that told her along the way that dinosaurs aren't real. Bro, if Alex Bennett even... Absolutely said that God put the fossils there.

If she came to class and said she watched fucking Jurassic Park, a nun beat her with a ruler. Yeah. That's a fucking fact. No, no, no doubt about it. That girl is a product of her environment. I'm actually, while she was staggeringly stupid, I give her the free pass because of everything we said,

I can't believe that Jordan didn't know the Big Bang Theory. That's almost... Her not knowing that one is almost crazier than Alex knowing absolutely nothing. I expect Alex to know nothing about fucking history at all. Alex Bent knows the Our Father and the Hail Mary. That's what. She could rip off the Apostles

Creed, no problem. I don't even know where we're at. Are they here? I think Jordan is here. Is Alex here? No, I think her friend's getting married this month. So, no problem. I don't even know where we're at. Are they here? I think Jordan is here. Is Alex here? No, I think her friend's getting married this month, so, you know. Let's see if she can come in here. I was going to say, I went to Catholic school and I almost got suspended because I brought in a

Harry Potter calendar once. They're like, that's witchcraft, you're promoting witchcraft. That kind of shit is like, forget it. I mean, thank God for Alana, who if I went and listened to the full clip, she just loves dinosaurs. She's like, as a little kid, I always asked for dinosaurs. I never had Barbies. So she was like. I also don't know if I would have known.

A gun to my head if you asked me, did dinosaurs have sex? I would have been like, probably. I remember. I think we Googled this on the show once. Trying to figure out how they fuck. Because of Jurassic Park. I think people, because in Jurassic Park they just lay eggs

because they're all female. I've never seen a dinosaur's dick, I'll say that. I'm telling you we did this on the show before. Because, or on some show. She said dinosaurs must have had sex to reproduce. That's some scientific American. Was that a knock? Come on in, girl.

We're talking dinosaurs. I was just about to leave, too. Can we get a couple quick minutes? Yeah. We're googling dinosaur reproduction because to be fair... Oh, wait, we need a mic for her. Take that mic from the...

Well, I think you'll find that we are... We're giving a fair and balanced discussion. I'll go so far as to say we're allies. Yeah, we are allies here. I was... I know, I'm serious. I'm not fucking with you. Here's what we just said to recap.

Alex, we think, probably grew up where teachers tell her that creationism is real and that the Big Bang Theory didn't happen at all. So it's very fair to not know what dinosaurs are she must she must you know like a teacher once told her that dinosaurs aren't real um and then so so to be fair i'm almost positive on a podcast i once googled like how do dinosaurs have sex because i said that as well if you put a gun to my head and you're like did dinosaurs have sex i would have been like probably but i don't know for sure. How does that work? They don't show it in Jurassic Park.

I said I've never seen a dinosaur's penis. So look, this is what, oh no, okay, so someone makes fun of me. So they call it the, the cloical kiss

or something like that. Oh yeah. Wait, how did you know that? No, I don't know this shit. It's like doggy style? Pretty much.

I think almost all animals just fuck doggy style. But like, where's the tail though, man? Yeah, like a stegosaurus is gonna get killed. That's like fucking a chick with a big ass. Like, dude, I'm not gonna get in, man.

The fact that there's YouTube tutorials is insanity. Totally, no. I mean, like, how else would they do it? I think the problem... See, like, that's not... Okay, this is a joke, right? Yeah, I think so. Because he's just fucking a tail. So I bet you, I guarantee you the answer is, like, we don't know.

Because by the way, we've been wrong about dinosaurs for like the last hundred years. Once again, Jurassic Park's fault. Totally. Jurassic Park was like, they love it. Jurassic Park was like gospel. And it's like. Do you know they were covered in feathers? Dinosaurs are like birds, covered in feathers.

You know what else I just learned recently? I have no idea. The T-Rex is, we always thought it had short arms. It's got like wings, like backwards wings. So it's actually like huge wings. And what we're seeing is just like the little. Okay, well, hang on. Can a T-Rex fly?

I don't. Well, I don't know. I'm pretty much like we don't know shit about dinosaurs now. We're on their side now. Reptiles? Are birds reptiles? No. But they're like close, I think.

You know, they're like a spinoff. They have like feathers. Well, that's why I don't know if they're as reptilian as we thought because they gosh we they started to now alex like we said she you know believes in like adam and eve and all that wait you thought that that was the big bang? I almost fell off my chair. Was that like a slip-up moment, or you were just like, no, no, the big bang is the fucking – I mean, it makes sense. It's a big bang. I'm going to be honest with you.

When we're on a roll, sometimes I forget that the world exists outside of Alex and I, and I just go with it. I'm like, yeah, yeah, the big bang, uh-huh. And a lot of people are like, no. No, actually, no. This is another thing, and I'm probably not someone you want on your side, but if you said the meteor was the Big Bang, I'd have been like, okay. Right? Well, it's like a Big Bang.

Same thing. I'm not sure, but okay. I thought it was dinosaurs, then God created Adam and Eve. Wait, oh, you thought. So you're playing for both teams. You're a scientist that converts. You believe science, and then you convert to religion right after that, huh?

So it's like dinosaurs, and then the Big Bang, and then people. So God existed, and then... I don't know if this is going to help your cause. Wait, walk me through this? I thought dinosaurs were on the planet. And then God came and was like, fuck, no, start over. It was like Big Bang, pew, meteor, and then humans.

God treated the dinosaurs like little kids treat ants. He's like, this isn't happening in my backyard. Fuck this, dude. I always thought it was like dinosaurs and then humans. Well, that part's correct. That is the correct order. How was Adam and Eve then dinosaurs? Well Adam and Eve's not real, it's a story made up by the bible

So that's where That's where we're gonna lose you Adam and Eve is a completely fabricated story by religion So technically the Big Bang Then dinosaurs The Big Bang is theoretically, if it's correct The beginning of everything that's ever existed Okay

Even that's been called into question now I think we don't know shit They say that the big bang was like some fucking you know particles colliding that goes and explodes like into the universe but it's like well then what were those particles and what were they in if so like nobody knows it's all fucking some scientists making shit up but i think about like the all this stuff i start to panic like i get severe anxiety when i think about like the world yeah yeah i get to that when they say like the universe is expanding i'm like into what what is that no i don't want to think about it when i was a kid i used to like panic every night about dying yeah really i used to actually uh

i used to panic about even like going to heaven i was like but you never never get out of it. And my parents were like, but it's awesome. You love it. It's paradise. And I was like, but it's forever. Yeah, there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Go to sleep, weirdo. I'd be like, don't worry. Heaven's not real.

When you die, you get nothing. That's how your parents calmed you down? No, don't worry. You just die and then nothing happens. It's just eternal darkness. I used to cry until my mom didn't want to die. I'd wake up every night and be like, mom, I don't want to die. And I would just bawl and she'd be like, shut the fuck up.

She'd let me sleep. She's like, you know who wants to die? It's me. I'm going to kill you. Props to you guys for putting that clip out though, because it's so fucking funny. And we were just saying, anybody who talks on a mic for a long time is going to say some really dumb shit. And when it's the thing that you might know and you're like, oh, how does someone not

know that? And it's like, well, tomorrow, you know, we're talking about, like, American history, and you don't know that fucking thing. You're an idiot, too. Yeah. I don't know. I mean. You don't know anything, either.

I don't know fucking anything, dude. Scarecrows is yours. Huh? Scarecrows was your moment. I mean, I've had a million moments. I didn't know that scarecrows were made to scarecrows. I never put that together. That's okay.

I didn't know that tortilla chips were made out of tortillas. We don't judge here. I thought it was going to go to my mouth. I mean, we just argued about Fahrenheit and Celsius the other day. We're like, Fahrenheit makes more sense.

Celsius makes more sense. I'm sure anyone who knows about that shit is like, you fucking idiots. Right. But guess what? I'm a fucking idiot. There's probably 50% of people

listening who didn't know either. Right. At least. I'm glad you said something. I mean, look, I'll say, I'll be, again, I'm probably not the ally you want but like i watched it and i was like okay that's compelling i'm not telling thoughts like everything i was like when i think that's wrong alex said methodical animals did you know what she meant so to be clear about methodical um that was

premiere pros error they spelled methodical wrong but but she said methodical. That was Premiere Pro's error. They spelled methodical wrong. She said methodical. But she said methodical. Is that how you pronounce it? No, you mean mythological. Mythological. I literally texted Alana earlier today and I was like Never change. Never change me, girls. Never change.

Oh my god. That one I'm not going to stand with you on. That one we're going to be fucking two roads diverged. No wonder Lana didn't answer me. She'd probably be like, what are you talking about? Alex, we said methodical, not mythological. Oh my god, no. I would have said the same thing.

Why your show is perfect. That's why you guys are great for each other. I hate school. It's bad. So yeah, I would say that she definitely thought methodical meant the other thing because I did too. I was just like, yeah, methodical. That was great. Methodical. And then you being like, the whole clip is fucking hilarious.

The whole segment was funny too. So while we have you here, something more up your alley, Cheese Girl. I do love cheese. Do you know the... Do you know the clip of this girl went on the hinge date and the guy didn't order cheese?

No. Okay, watch this real quick because this is up your alley. And this is... This girl sucks. Or maybe not. Guys, I just got back from the hinge date.

Why am I doing this to myself? So, we scheduled to go to dinner. We were sitting at the restaurant. Seems very nice. Not a catfish. Things are going well. And the waitress came over. She wants to take our order.

And I said, okay, I'm gonna take the branzino. And he said, I'm gonna take the the branzino. And he said, I'm going to take the burger. And the waitress asked him, okay, how do you like your burger? He said, how do you like this burger? And do you want some cheese on your burger? And he asked, is this going to be extra? And she says, yes, it's $3 extra.

And he said, said okay then never mind over there and i'm like what the actual fuck i'm like okay i'm hungry i'm gonna eat my branzino and see what happens and he's like oh my god you have to pay extra for everything these days and i'm like yeah it's new york city so i had my brindino. He got his burger. We were eating. And once I was satisfied, I got up. And I was like, I'm going to the restroom for a second. And I took my purse. And I went to the waitress.

And I was like, hey, I just want to pay the bill. And I just paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant. And I texted him. So I texted him, the check is taken care of, you should have gotten the cheese and I blocked him she's the worst the worst, right? I don't know you're on cheese girl's side?

this might be the biggest this is going to end our podcast how can you be on this girl's side? I'm not on anyone's side, I think everyone's kind of fucking weird here I I wouldn't do it on a date. I wouldn't necessarily do that on a date. It's always hard for me to put myself in his shoes because I just don't care about things like that. Like, I'll pay extra or the markup or, you know, all that shit.

I'm just like, whatever. We're out to dinner. It's going to cost what it's going to cost. But, I don't know. Someone's just like, no, guacamole shouldn't cost $15. I don't want to have it or whatever the fuck. If I was, so here's the deal. First of all, I think there's part of this, as we learned with Jordan right to start this,

I think girls are just such cheese girls that can't even fathom someone not being cheese. I can't live my life with someone who doesn't like fucking dairy. Girls will pay their last dollar for cheese. I'm not eating cheese on a date, though. Like, I'm lactose intolerant. Every girl is lactose intolerant because all you guys do is eat dairy. We had a whole block of cheese for dinner at my stomach's upset. No fucking kidding.

I said, good morning. I had cheese for breakfast. Girl, I mean, we talk about it all the time where girls are like, every girl is lactose intolerant. And no, it's not. You just eat so much goddamn dairy, you're shitting all the time. That's what it is. Every single girl is like. Iant and no it's not you just eat so much goddamn dairy you're shitting all the time that's what it is every single girl is like ibs girl stop eating cheese we love cheese yeah i mean cheese is fine i'm fine with cheese whatever but if someone like if i was on a date and i guess we'd have to uh factor in a reversal of stereotypical gender roles here but if i was on a date and the girl's like oh an extra three dollars i can't no i'd be like fuck this eric i mean now again in the standard world

i kind of think three dollars is a lot for cheese oh it is i think my reaction would be like yeah i mean i would be like it wouldn't stop me but if someone was like damn three dollars for cheese no i'll pass it i'd be like okay burgers also ballsy to eat on a date that's a mess yeah because also you know the problem with burgers is these days? They're so fucking big. They're like Bloody Marys. Yeah. It's like, I don't need all that shit.

I don't need the bacon and the pickles and the this and the that. Actually, both things have the same ingredients. Oh, it's just, yeah, yeah. I don't need all this. I don't even know what Branzino is. No, I actually, I have an offense. I take offense to that. What is it?

Eating Branzino. Branzino? It's a fancy fish, right? Well, it's a fishino It's a fish It's a fish It's a branzino fish Like a flounder But it's usually prepared It's one of those fish that comes on your plate Like the full fish

It's still got the head on it That's my issue with branzino First of all it's too Italian Second of all Fucking branzino Get out of here, first of all, it's too Italian. Second of all, fucking Branzino, get out of here, dude, go fucking swim back off the boot.

Um, but the, it also, it's so bony. Like I've had Branzino once in my life, like watching, like I, I was told at a young age,

don't get messy things on dates. It's not, it's not the most unique advice, but like, don't get spaghetti. Don't get lobster. Don't get that kind of shit. And Branzino's,

I would be repulsed if this chick sitting across the way from you is just picking bones out of her mouth. This girl sucks, man. Her breath? Yeah, you're eating a smelly fucking fish on a date. But I'm also totally, I actually, I tip my cap. What if I just get in like the chicken? You know, you're on a date. Yeah, or not eating on a date. I don't know.

Don't eat on a date. Whatever happened to fucking eating disorders? Remember having to drink on an empty stomach and having sex with somebody? What happened to that? I hate eating on dates. But the, like, fuck, what was I just going to say? Oh, but I also, I tip my cap to someone noticing, not necessarily a red flag, but something they don't like about a person

and having the stones to be like, I'm fucking out of here. Because guess what? I'd sit across the table from someone and realize I don't like them, and I'd fucking marry that person. That's your baggage, dude. That's why I see someone like that. You could have waited five more minutes, though, and been like, I need to go home.

Also, you could have waited five more minutes and he might have been the funniest, best part like you're gonna you're gonna if you're gonna try to date and find people like i mean they did have the meal so like he had time to say she said oh yeah she's like once i was satisfied i ate my brains you know yeah you should always give people two chances first and second date oh well then why are we always talking about how first impressions matter if you get if you're guaranteed a second well it's kind of like i was ready i gave you a second chance and then you didn't know methodical and mythological so that was two strikes real quick yep yep exactly we complete dumbass it was hiding on the first date i i also

think um you should just like go on your dates and if they're good they're good if they're bad they're bad and you should fuck up about them yeah you know i mean that is i i tweeted and deleted last this weekend because i i i clearly we've now done 5-10 minutes on it I care more than I let on But I saw this video a million times on my timeline This weekend I watched it the first time I found it to be rather uneventful I don't think anyone comes out particularly bad

I think she comes out very bad I think he's like $3 He's like cheap Doesn't look great but she's a bitch I mean she just saw something she didn't like and left the date. But then to be like, I texted him this and then blocked him. It's like you were like trying to dunk on him. Yeah, I guess a little bit there.

You know, like we weren't clicking, you know, no disrespect, you know, whatever. No hard feelings. She was like, you're a fucking cheapo. Bam. Blocked. I am woman. Hear me roar. But that's because she's just obsessed with cheese.

It's the disrespected cheese. That's what it was. It wasn't the $3. You don't talk to my Gouda that way. Cheese on a Branzino? Yeah. She got your cheese block. Maybe she would have been happy.

Some Branzino nachos. You get to pick up the bone, eat the pit. She sucks. All right. We're all on the same page. Thank you, Jordan. Yeah. Thank you guys for having me

As always Me and Girl Pod Taking over the world Follow them and listen I'm gonna go back to like Third grade history That's funny you say that Cause guess what

Like are you smarter Than a third grader Guess what Your boy's not Dude There's a reason why That game show exists man I still watch like

Like uh Fucking clips Not clips I don't still watch it But like occasionally Something that will pop up I'm wrong See you later I'm wrong every single time I'm like I'm fucking all that shit I still watch like fucking clips. Not clips. I don't still watch it. But occasionally something will pop up. I'm wrong.

See you later. I'm wrong every single time. I'm like, I don't fucking know this shit. We should almost – I wish we could – they should do a Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader type thing on their next episode. All the fucking people talking shit. Let's rattle off some questions and you can honestly answer them yourself. Methodical is going to get tough on her. While we're just rattling through crazy girls here, I went out to dinner last week. I wanted to talk about this on last week's episode.

I forgot. Right before the Chrissy D event, I went to this little Mexican spot, and it was tiny, and there was a bar to sit at as well as some small tables. So I sat at the bar. The bar, oddly enough, it was a regular bar, regular bar, regular bar for about four to six seats, six to eight seats.

And then at the end, it went two more seats where the bar is and then it became a four-seater. So imagine like an L shape, right? But so there was just like a bar, and then connected to it was a four-seater. Like in a booth, like you're looking eye to eye. Yes.

It's not a booth because it was like, so I'm sitting at the bar looking at like the televisions in the back of the bar. Okay. The people who are sitting across from me, behind them is where the bartender goes like back and forth the back of the bar. The people who are sitting across from me, behind them is where the bartender goes back and forth to get between the bar. So it's really not an ideal spot to sit. It's where the waitresses are picking up the tables. I've been kicked out of that spot at many a bar. Yeah, get the fuck out of the way.

Because you think, I'll just go here and order a drink real quick. No, this is where we fucking put the dirty dishes. There's a reason why there's nobody here. But so it is for some reason, if four people are there, they can sit there. So I sat at the bar, two seats. And the table, the depth of the table is still only about like one person's worth of shit. You know what I mean?

When you're sitting at a four table looking at each other it's a full-ass table this was like a skinny bar still so i'm eating dinner and i get a couple plates and a couple drinks and these two these pictures are people not in my party those are strangers sitting at my table thinking thinking that there's enough room for them there to be strangers together that is fucking two separate two separate strangers the the first the girl on the right came and sat and i purposely didn't move my drink there you can see it i left it there it's not like i moved it there that's where it was and i was like you're really just going to try to put your shit on the table here too huh and her boyfriend came and was like get out we're not sitting there let's get the fuck out of here and she said something like it was a bad call by

me i know and they walked out and then after that this girl sat down now her shirt said the Museum of Natural Fart, and she was a very – she was an eccentric person. So I almost kind of like her style. Yeah, Museum of Modern Fart. Dude, that's some shit like I'm going to put on these clothes, and I'm going to get whatever table I want. I'm going to go out to dinner. She didn't give one fuck. I'm going to dress like it's Halloween. I'm going to go out to dinner.

People are going to move from my – I'll take – I will take ownership of whatever. I'll be like fucking Christopher Columbus. This is my spot now. Yeah. She's probably like, I'm going to take over with my stench and just be like, I own this spot now. That was one of the crazier things I've ever experienced and the fact that two different people – like I'm sitting there. I'm like – Two people sitting there makes me kind of want to side with them.

I guess. Because clearly there's something about it. No. I mean there's something about it was that it was it was crowded it was like there was no tables available and there technically are two seats but it's like think about it this way if if there was a individual four-seater a table with four chairs and and there was a date there would you just go sit at that table no like there's two chairs there i also think now bar rules are a little bit different but this was just basically a four

seater connected to a bar. But imagine if you just went up and said, oh, it's a crowded bar, so I'm going to sit here too. No, you're not. It's my table. I know that we didn't fill it out, but sometimes you have a party of two, sometimes three, sometimes four. This is how it goes, you know? If there was another two seater, I would have, but... You should have put your jacket so they

wouldn't be like, we're waiting for too much. Well, I didn't even consider that this would have been a possibility. I can't describe how small it was. It was like there was only a deep enough bar for like one set of plates. If they had ordered shit,

I don't know where they would have... I almost wish they did. The one girl left before she ordered anything and we left before the second one ordered anything. So I don't know where... I wish I wanted to be like, go ahead, put your plate somewhere.

You're going to put it on top of my shit. I think there is a I think the this stems from the epidemic and it's been going on for 10 plus years now of how jam packed restaurants are. I don't think it's just even in New York. I think it's everywhere. Every table you go to, you're this far apart. You can hear their conversations better than your conversations. 100%. Absolutely.

I don't know. I guess they're right in your ear being right there and the other person's on the other side, but I'm like, I might as well just chime in on your conversation and you talk to them. Dude, I'll go to dinner and I'll be like, I won't talk. I'm like, I don't like and this isn't very unique, but like I don't like anyone hearing anything. And this is before.

This has been my whole life. I don't like fucking. I honestly think I can trace that back to like when I was like 14. I was on a phone call with a friend talking about a party in the bathroom. And my mom happened to be doing laundry right outside and heard everything. And I was like, okay, I'll never talk to you again. That's it. I'll never

share emotions. I'll never interact with another human. I always think someone's listening. Unless it's into a microphone where I know everyone's listening, I don't like having... Maybe that's why you became a podcast. I don't like having conversations. I that's why it became a podcast. I don't like having conversations. I'm going to go confront my fears sort of thing.

I'll talk when everyone's listening. I'll talk in a room where we're alone in the house. I don't like talking in public. I always assume someone's listening. I'll also tell you why I'm not talking in public anymore. I can talk in public. I can't hear in public. Yeah.

I go to a bar now, and I can't hear a fucking thing. Bro. And especially if I'm talking to short people, I have to, like, lean all the way down, and then that feels weird. Or I'm just like, uh-huh. Yeah, totally. Just reacting like I'm taking a stab in the dark. I want to show you this clip. I tweeted this, and, like, it's still the most true thing I've ever tweeted, and it still, if you ask me, doesn't get the recognition it should because it's exactly – this is it.

This is – it's a clip from later seasons of The Office. And I'm like, this is exactly how my hearing works fyi uh i don't technically have a hearing problem but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring at the same time i'll hear him as one big jumble uh again it's not that i can't hear uh because that's false i can um i just can't distinguish between everything i'm hearing and i i don't't know if cacophony of sound. In that segment in the show, I don't know if that's supposed to be a joke. Because the way he says it, again, that's false. I can't hear.

Or if that's a standard method of hearing. But it's just... Dude, when we were at the Stefanos thing, I was talking to fucking Tim Sinatra and Jessica Kirsten. I stood there for ten minutes. I stopped even pretending I could hear. I just stood there. I did the same thing. At first, I go like, uh-huh, okay.

And then I just started to look over them and add other things, being like, I'm no longer in this conversation. Don't include me. Because I got nothing. I got nothing. I don't know. Bar hearing used to be my thing. I used to be able to talk.

And, like, I remember being, like, on, like, dance floors, like, loud music, talking to a girl. Like, it's gone now. I've gone. I've had my hearing checked recently. Like, your hearing's fine. I'm like, well, it's not. No, it's not. Then run a new test.

Something's wrong. Because I can't hear fucking shit. I mean, I guess it's just, like, it's normal to not be able to hear when there's really fucking loud shit. So, I don't know. I don't know what that's about but yeah so anyway i don't know whether you're a crazy girl uh fucking sitting at tables you shouldn't or talking about methodical dinosaurs or airing out guys who don't like to spend money on cheese you bitches are crazy i'm you're all crazy i'm not even gonna say anymore stereotypically speaking i'm not putting out the disclaimer you're all crazy. I'm not even going to say anymore. Stereotypically speaking, I'm not putting out the disclaimer. You're all crazy and annoying.

All of you. Every single one of you. You too, Jackie. How was your trip to Miami? How do you not talk into a microphone? But just wait and go let her have a mic. You guys used to have a microphone. What happened?

They broke one and then, yeah. Oh, it's on the ground. Just a mic on the ground. Just a mic on the floor. What happened? Nothing happened in Miami? Nothing interesting happened in Miami? Refuse to believe that.

Let me think. I'm not good at reviewing. How are you doing on our new assignment we gave you? Oh, so good. So good. So that will beursday's episode now jackie okay run it through me one more time it's very simple uh your love island video was very funny thank you we used to back in the day do things um everyone did them uh i think dave and i did more of it because they were we could both have our own voices but basically you find a questionnaire, a quiz

a listicle, something like that and you respond to each one so are we talking like Buzzfeed? Buzzfeed could have them, I don't know Buzzfeed would be a place we used to have them we would like mock them kind of the one that sticks out to me is because Dave and I just read on basically every single thing

was like here's a quiz to find out your compatibility with your roommates. Okay. And it was just like, do you care if blank happens? He'd be like, oh, I fucking hate that. And Dave would be like, that's fine with me. And then we'd reverse and that kind of thing. Oh, okay.

So you could do a compatibility quiz and you could think of a lover, a roommate, a whatever you want to call it. A lover. A paramour, for instance. The reason why it was those things is because usually that stuff jumps out at people on the internet. That's why people do it. Top five things you don't do on a date. And everyone clicks on that and then they're like,

I do that on a date. So you should just do whatever jumps out at you, whether it's a list, whether it's a girl reacting to her date, whether it's a bunch of girls doing what dinosaurs are. Whatever you just watch that you go like, huh, I have a thought about that. Make a video reacting to it. Okay. I mean, you guys are just telling me to – yeah. It's just like normal content.

Well, someone's got to tell you to do it. Sorry. Sorry. Wait. Can I just say though that – But we want you to edit the video. Yeah, the way you did that. The way you did the Love Island thing.

Make it funny. And then we will discuss it. We'll have a segment Thursdays. We'll call it Jacking Off. I'm never going to choose the names for my segments. Separate from Jacked Off. I'm not married to it. No, I like Jacked Off.

Don't clip that. But that reminded me of Colby Armstrong, who is on – he does Chicklets Game Notes, and he also does TNT. By the way, shout out TNT for figuring out how to have an entertaining panel. It's just take the Chicklets people. Yeah. I mean, they did it with basketball. They just did it with hockey. It's biz. It's arm dog.

And it's fucking... It's yandel. It's just like... It's... Take the entertaining podcast. Put them on television. Done. It's such an easy fucking recipe.

Seriously. And for some reason, no one else can do it. But anyway, Colby was like on... He had a clip that I clipped, actually. Because he was talking about before the Bruipped it actually because he was talking about before the Bruins game yesterday he was talking about the Red Wings I believe

because the Bruins definitely do not have this but he's talking about having like a power play and he just goes you know it's a great thing having a hot pee pee and I was like

Biz was like Biz wasn't on yesterday that would have been great I didn't see Biz trying to keep it in. You know, it's a good thing having a hot pee-pee. And I was like, that's what happens to me on many a Sunday morning. You know, you wake up, have a hot pee-pee, call the doctor, get a fucking quick ZZ.

But anyway, sorry to interrupt you. But yeah, that's what you're doing. And then on Thursdays, we will have Jack and Off, and we will have a larger discussion about your quick clip. I also just want to say, you guys told me to do a video a week, and I've been doing that. Minus a few weeks, but

I have. It's not a perfect like math but science but it's that's what happens with us they told us to do three podcasts a week and we mostly do it

no but like I have been I have been putting out videos good good yeah good good good

and I will continue to do so let me fucking be the first to congratulate you on doing your job well again

it's technically no oh okay alright you can just be the first to congratulate you on doing your job. Well, again, it's technically... Oh, okay. Alright, you can just be the producer. No, no, no. That's it. Nope, nope. Just the producer. No, I got it. I'll do it. I'll do one on Thursday. Yeah, have it ready for Thursday.

Yeah, so just do it tomorrow. Okay. It shouldn't take very long. No, no, no. Ready for the podcast that airs on Thursday. Here's the thing. It doesn't come naturally to me. This is what I'm saying. I put a camera up and I get so awkward with myself.

It takes me like an hour to shake off the awkwardness. All right. I feel that. Then you get good and you don't do that. You don't feel awkward after a while. Oh, dude. I used to do like five shots before we did this podcast. Yeah.

When we started doing it, I would have like... Dude I'd literally, like, be, like, in my kitchen before, like, we'd get to Google Hangout, like, ripping shots, and then I'd come do it, because I was so, I mean, five's probably excessive, but I'd probably have two, and then we'd have a beer on the show or something like that. Before we were ever in person, this is, like, you know, ten years ago now. But, yeah, that's how you shake off that awkwardness. I still, I mean, I do, like, a million takes on One Minute Man. I, like, you takes on One Minute Man.

Everybody's awkward with themselves. Yeah. Okay. We all hate each other. Jacking off. Thursdays. If this takes off, it's going to be real hard to sell that name. Yeah. We'll have to.

It'll be called something else. It'll be like Jackie's thoughts, but the real ones. I also want to prepare for there to be a few weeks of it being like some are going to be good, some are going to be bad. That's how it goes. As long as there's always one. You got to always do it. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. But you always got to do it.

Okay, I got a few things for today, real quick. First of all, someone broke into my house and stole my headphones. I think you lost your headphones. Nope, because they left theirs. These are not my headphones. You were there when I bought mine. They were all black, and they were the more...

The Bose ones? What? Someone here, probably. The Bose ones? Yeah. Those have blue. These are Bose, but they're blue, and also mine folded. And I've texted every friend who's been in my apartment.

I texted our... I'm 90% sure those are Bose. Why would he not reply to the text saying Whose fucking headphones are these and where are mine There's no way someone broke into your headphones Well I obviously don't think that Someone came into my house Took my headphones Left their headphones

These are the cheaper version by the way And has not been like They're close enough that somebody might not realize, right? I mean, I noticed right away. Again, I was like, well, why don't these fold in half? Because mine would fold and it would easily fit in my pocket. These don't fold. And also, mine are all black. I think if you went from not folding

to folding, you might be like, oh, I never even realized these could fold up. Fair point. That's probably why. But also, I would notice, where's the blue? That's, you know... If you just grab that and run... I mean, it's been two weeks. At some point, you would notice, these's the blue? That's, you know, if you just grab that and run. But it's been two weeks. At some point, you would notice, please don't click on my headphones. Right?

I don't know what I would do. The folding thing is definite. But in the reverse, I might be like, huh, I never noticed that these things were blue. Like navy and black. That's what I mean. Like it's close enough. If it was like yellow, I'd be like, okay, I get it. If you combine the two, like, huh, I didn't know these could fold. Huh, I didn't know they were all black. Huh, what I mean. It's close enough. If it was yellow, I'd be like, okay, I get it. If you combine the two, like, I didn't know these could fold.

I didn't know they were all black. I think these are different headphones. I think you'd be like, I don't know if these are the same headphones. This is what I've learned. I'm going to take this a step further. The criminal justice system is trash. Okay. Yeah.

Because any eyewitness account for anything is pretty much garbage. That's a, I think that's a pretty well known thing. Like it's just, but it's like even when, when you realize it yourself, like I can't think of an example. I wish I remembered it,

but there's been a couple of times in like the last year where I would have like sworn up and down on something. And then they're like, Nope. Like they were actually blue headphones. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. I I was like, fuck. Yeah.

I would have really, really, really put my hand on a Bible and sent someone to the fucking death chamber. And I'm just like, oh. I couldn't even remember that. That's something that happened last week, let alone years ago or when you were drunk or whatever. Yeah. So your headphones represent all that's wrong with the criminal justice system. Okay. What inspired that?

just that Owen's probably going scratch his head going oh I thought those were my headphones I don't know man and if you fucking had a court case over it he would have been like these are my headphones and then you could have proven it and he would have been like fuck I'm wrong I've literally asked everyone who's been in my apartment

don't you guys have proven it And he would have been like fuck I'm wrong I've literally asked everyone who's been in my apartment Don't you guys have some of these No I have a pair I'm wearing these Which also aren't hers But they wouldn't be in here Because these were where I leave my headphones I wouldn't have forgotten

And how would I have obtained these We don't have to figure it out Did you film a sketch at your house with headphones? Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and say that. But I texted the group chat. Rotor also left those headphones at my apartment one time for months. Okay.

Why didn't anyone reply to my question? Where are my headphones? I thought that you guys figured it out by yourself. No. Owen just not. I could just be like, they look the same. I know your headphones too. Take a picture and send it to Owen and say, oh, these are headphones.

I think we've cracked the case. They're just Owens. I mean, I texted the group chat with like 15 people that no one replied. I was like, are these anyone's? Well, you know what? He upgraded. So he's like, I'm on it. I like my headphones as is.

My new ones are fire. Another thing, Instagram has added that memory thing. If you click on that, you're a fucking psychopath. What is it, like a time-op? It's like time-op. You're in the vast minority on these. I think it's crazy. Why?

Some people like to look at happier times. I guess people who like themselves, but I don't want to see anything I did more than five minutes ago. It makes you feel bad about currently or then? I'm like, why the fuck did you look like that? Why did you think like that? Why did you talk like that? I think most people are different. I think most people are like, oh, this was the time when life was fun.

Most people are aging out of fun. I guess I just never had it. But don't get me wrong. I don I just never had it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the future is any brighter than the past. I think most people look at time hop and rather than being like, my fashion was stupid or I was acting stupid, they're like, oh, that was when I had friends

and that was before I was married. But why would you want to see that? Whether you were happy or embarrassed. That also shows your personality trait of whether you want happy or embarrassed that also shows you like a your personality trait of whether you want to like relive dude i have friends good times or or forget that like you're not having them anymore i have friends who are time hop obsessed and i'll be like eight years ago today i'm like get that the fuck i don't ever talk to me ever again why the fuck would you send

that to me that's so goddamn weird jesus christ i'm very bad about this. I hate it. I hate it. Don't ever fucking show me anything. Do you think it's because you're not happy now? Probably. You were happy then? Yeah. But it, like, I don't even, like, I'm not even, I'm, it makes me cringe. I don't like it.

Like, but I, it, there are a few things that make me, like, it makes me angry. Like, when someone posts a time hop, when someone sends me a time hop, I'm like, don't you fucking dare ever talk to me. You don't ever like, oh my god, look at that memory that we had. None whatsoever. Or it's fun to be like, shit, we are all dressed so stupid.

No. Bro, I have Disney and Barstool muted. I don't want to see that fucking shit. And Mario, I love you, dude, and I think you're doing great work, but I don't want to fucking see it. I think people really like it. It makes me sick. So what about nostalgia in general?

Like if I'm recalling life from back then. Oh, remember those things we used to eat in the cafeteria? Are you like, get the fuck out of here? Maybe childhood. Maybe like once I got out of elementary school. This is because you were sexually abused. Those are my only fond memories. I have Stockholm Syndrome for getting molested.

Those were the days. Except for that it was just emotional abuse. Honestly, honestly, maybe, no, because I don't even have memories of middle school. I don't remember most of my life intentionally. I don't want to know. Yeah, no, this is a – you are a shattered man.

You are a completely emotionally and mentally broken person who does not want to relive any part of your own life. This is – now that we're talking about it out loud, this is a real issue. It's truly, nostalgia is truly, like, most people's favorite thing. There are TV shows about it, throwback movies,

let's do the sequel, everything is like, let's take the good old days and relive them. And you're like, no, I don't even want to see a single picture of my life. I'm fine with nostalgia as a whole. Not about you. I don't want it specific to me. I'm fine.

I don't even really remember that shit, though. I'll be honest. I'm mostly lying and bullshitting. Really? And when we talk about the aggro, I don't fucking remember that, dude. So I always said one of the more important things about blogging for me, when people are like, how do you do it? And I was like, I don't know.

You got to be able to write a little bit. You got to have some relatability, some personality, blah, blah, blah. And I was – one of the things, and it's going for me these days, is a good memory. Because like, you know, you got to have sick references, dude. And like a lot of blogging was like this reminds me of like when in fourth grade we said blah blah and if people would be like oh i did that at fucking gym class too or whatever and it's just like i remember more dumb shit from my childhood than any actual real facts that could like help me in this world you know um but if yeah if you if every day that passes you just push deep dark down away so that no one ever remembers it you're probably not gonna

like a time hop what's the point of again like larger discussions on nostalgia is fine to live what like my life sucks so much now let me just like remember the good that would make me more depressed well i know that's that that's a you that would make me more i'd be like jesus christ like that's never coming back like i don't know that yo i i really have been having i don't know if it's because i'm like dangerously close to 40. I used to never really have any like – You're 37, 38. 30.

How old am I? Eight. Seven. Seven. Wait, how old am I? What year were you born? I was born in 85. 38.

23. Yes. 85. 38. 38. Yeah. Okay. See, when you're getting old enough That you

That's See I used to make fun of my old man for that Being like You don't know how old you are And That's not right I was born in 85 That's not correct

To be fair to you I mean it was like last week So it's kind of like Writing the checks In the new year Yeah but also To be fair It was last week

So I should have like Known it Because it just happened I do When people ask me my birthday I mean my How old am I? Like, I'm 34.

I used to have to – I always knew I was four years younger than my brother, and I just always knew my brother's age and subtracted. Now I don't even – he's, like, 60. Like, I don't even know how old he is. So I'm 38, and I have real thoughts about – but it's weird because it's not thoughts about, like, oh, certainly not thoughts about my early 30s being so good and that they're gone. It's things that were already gone a long time ago. But I'm just like that feeling of being like a little kid or like having fun doing this or being innocent and not knowing that or whatever it may be. Recently, I've just been like it

will never happen again yeah that sucks i don't really remember i don't yeah that's great for you it is i guess i when i think i guess now i'm having my kids and i'm seeing them go through it or sometimes they like don't like something that i did like and i'm like wow that was like my favorite thing they're not gonna like that they're did like. And I'm like, wow, that was like my favorite thing. They're not going to like that. They're not going to do whatever it is. But I've definitely had more little like breakdowns than ever of just being like, it only gets worse from here on out. Like you could think, I think once you're like 40, it's all downhill.

And you could probably say that even for like 30. But you know, you that even for like 30 but you know you can you can still have like your your life can still be young and fun and shit in your 30s like once you're 40s it's like you're old you know what i mean so like it's all downhill but like so yeah life's inevitably gonna i don't want to see i i wouldn't even say i wouldn't say that i don't i couldn't tell you my highs i remember once my therapy asked me when's the last time you were happy i was like well how am how am I going to answer that? I don't fucking know what you're talking about.

So I can't not remember my highs. But these are us problems. Yes. So we can't expect the rest of society to be like us. Yeah, I get that. Because we are clearly the people with issues here. But I don't want to turn this into a depression thing. It's just like, I just get angry about that.

Whatever. Next up, fucking. Does that shirt smell? I have a really bad sense of smell. Dude, I don't know what's going on. It's like cologne. I keep checking the bottom of my shoes. I feel like, is there shit on my nose?

I'm like, it smells like shit. It happens to me sometimes. I'll be like, what is this smell? And I'll take off all of my clothing. Nothing individually smells. And it smelled when I was out there. No, that smells good. What is going on?

I feel like, shall I put shit on my nose? I go to Clemmer. I was sitting on Clemmer's desk. And I go, it smells like shit over here. And he was like, that's my desk, man. I was like, sorry, pal. He was funny he was like, that's my desk, man. I was like, sorry, pal. He was funny.

He goes, I do shit in the drawers. Anyway, you're a depressed bag of shit and most people... Everyone's depression, shut up. Buy sad boy gear.

Fucking, the, I saw last night right before it went to bed. Oh, I know what's going on. What? You're just grumpy that Banshees got shut out at the oscars now you're grumpy that your movie got nothing dude i don't care about goose egg i don't care about the oscars like that i'm pretty

surprised i got nothing yeah me too i actually i actually didn't expect it to win the big ones because i do think it's like a little more of a niche and uh i don't know the irish it's a very i think that's a niche thing like the irish sense of humor i do i mean the movie's about like fucking being sad like yeah yeah the fact that i guess i'm a being sad because yeah yeah i mean there's some sadness to it but like but i think that's everyone so what everyone talks about it's all everyone talks about these days that is true that i would think it would appeal to fucking people um the uh i was gonna say fuck uh shit i need a time hop for the last 10 seconds um i uh on the oscars i do want to say uh people mad at um angela bassett for not like sucking jamie lee curtis's dick i think we need

a little more of that in hollywood hollywood's like the phoniest fakest place in the world and if you just lost the Oscars and you thought you were going to win, I don't think you should have to be all happy, happy, happy. Angela Bassett thought she was going to win

for Wakanda? Is that what she was? Then she definitely was crazy. Oh, yeah. You thought you were going to win for a comic book movie?

A sequel Marvel movie? That was like, by all intents, people were like, yeah, it was okay. Angela Bassett was gonna win for Black Panther over and Jamie Lee Curtis is in everything at all at once right yeah which is like

the it movie and also you can't even if you are mad it's Jamie Lee Curtis's first one ever and she's like a legend so you gotta like you gotta if you lost to some other nobody it's like fuck that. But at least be like – you can't be mad that Jamie Lee Curtis got her first one.

But I also don't think you need to be like, well, Jamie, you won. It's like you know that that's fake. In this, everyone else here is screaming and yelling. You know they said to themselves like I'm going to just scream and be happy for the person no matter what. It's like how about you give me a real reaction and be like i don't know who that is in the bottom left but she goes wow wow or something like that yeah jamie lee curtis also like in when i think black panther and uh multiverse of madness got released she was just openly shitting me on those movies to promote her own so i'm not she was like

shitting all over marvel and everything they do because being like watch ours not there yeah and also like ken jack even said she was a bit character in this it makes no sense she was even nominated right and it's probably like because she did bitch all over social media about it uh i mean like so i guess but that's also like that's campaigning yeah yeah no true true yeah consideration all the time yeah i mean i i i guess i'm somewhere in the middle on it like i people are getting giving her shit for being like like kind of rude about it or it's like i don't know i think you should be able to be like fuck i lost uh but in this case angela bassett's probably not the right example yeah i was in a marvel sequel movie like be happy you got nominated

i would have guessed that it was not a Marvel movie. I thought it was for something else altogether. For a fucking best supporting act. You know, like, get lost. No fucking way. And shout out to Brendan Fraser, who got the dub, who needed it. That guy needed a dub. That guy needed about ten less fucking nautical references, if you ask me.

Oh, I didn't see. Oh my god. I mean, look. You better bite your tongue. No, I said it last night on Twitter. You'll get cancelled real fast. If you didn't watch it, like if you watched it, you understand. I mean, he dropped like ten nautical references. What do you mean? Like, give me an example. The movie One for the Whale. Right. So he kept being like

he's like, he hooked me and pulled me in the ship and he's a whale of a guy. It was. John ran out of references real quick. It was because I got so, I was like, this is, pull up. Dude, that is so lame. Like, it's just his moment.

I said I was like. It's just his comeback. I was like, I'm very happy for him. One reference would have sufficed. So, like, I think you can say both things. Brandon Fraser deserved the award. I haven't seen the movie, so I largely, the consensus is he deserved it. Yeah, it's one of those things, like, you know, whenever you change your body or do something, like, that drastic where you really have to, like, get inside.

And he has battled a lot of things, demons to get back to where he is, demons and abuses and all kinds of shit. And, like, I could be exceptionally happy for him and also go a little heavy-handed. Also, like, it wasn't good. I think there were good parts of shit. And I could be exceptionally happy for him and also go, a little heavy-handed. Also, it wasn't good. I think there were good parts of it. I thought when he's like... The sentiment's great. I just don't know if... Right.

I think it could have... I think that's a fair thing to say. It could have done for six less nautical references. When they... I guess the point being that he's so overwhelmed, but it's like,

I don't know, you're an actor, dude. Reel it in a little bit. You know what I mean? They're so like... No, I like the point being that he's so overwhelmed, but it's like, I don't know, you're an actor, dude. Reel it in a little bit. You know what I mean? They're so like... No, I like the genuine emotion. I like that. But I'm always like, is that the acting or is this the genuine? No, I think that was...

He's so overwhelmed in the moment that he's that happy. I mean, that guy, he deserves this like a motherfucker. But you know what's funny is like again like if you're if you're being real about it i don't even know who else was nominated in the category but it's like oh oh oh so you know brandon frazier's life sucked the last five years so he gets the fucking award like you know what i mean i actually think it should be that way i think i think the economy should kind of like reward careers in certain spots make it all the more dramatic but it is kind of like i don't know was my movie better i don't know i want to be very very clear i am not anti-brandon fraser

at all fraser which i feel like we used to call him brandon fraser for sure and we kind of just transitioned to fraser i know that happens with a lot of people brad marchand marchand it used to be actually i forget what we used to call him but fraser was for sure fraser i didn't even know until right now that we're calling fraser yeah yeah yeah you guys call him fraser to his face to right to his face right to his face. Right to his face. Right to his face. And he never even took the time to correct it. Yeah. I think there was another player in the NFL who was like, oh, it was Tyrod Taylor.

Was like, that's not how you pronounce my name. Like, after like 10 years. What is he now? It's Tyrod, I think. You get one shot. I mean, I did it with Dave, with Fiedelberg. I was like, whatever, fine. Yeah, yeah.

There's a level where you're just like, I don't fucking care. Whatever. I mean I did it with Dave with Fidelberg I was like whatever fine there's a level where you're just like I don't fucking care whatever I'll answer to it I did like the Temple of Doom guy and the Goonies guy winning that's cool to pick a child star what's his name? He Kwan He Kwan He Kwan

He Kwan we're He Kwe Kwan He Kwe Kwan We're not good with the Asian names I mean that's gotta be pretty rare to be I'm gonna watch that movie tonight I haven't seen that movie I've been meaning to watch it But you know what it was A couple people who I

Like everyone was sucking his dick But a couple people who I align with usually said it was bad And that turned me off to it I'm not a multiverse guy I find them hard to follow I like I align with usually said it was bad, and that turned me off to it. I'm not a multiverse guy. I don't really. I find them hard to follow. I like linear storylines. I just tell the story.

I'm like, wait, what's happening? I'm not good at watching those movies. I'm too dumb. So that wasn't one I jumped at. But I can't not watch it tonight. Clean up on everything. Speaking of, oh, first of all, the other thing that jumped out at me from the Oscars, and I didn't watch the full Oscars.

I watched Last of Us at 9, and I watched before, watched Last of Us at 9, watched the rest of the Oscars afterwards. But the Cocaine Bear, Elizabeth Banks came out with the Cocaine Bear, and then he came back later, and it was...

I'm going to criticize a lot of people who like it a lot. Jimmy Kimmel, Malala was there. Who? Malala. She's won a Nobel Peace Prize. I forget exactly what it is she did. But she is a very famous young woman who, again, won a Nobel Peace Prize.

So they had the cocaine bear. First, Jimmy Kimmel asked her a question. He said, Malala, as a Nobel Peace Prize winner, do you think Harry Styles spit on Chris Evans, Chris Pine? And her response was, I only talk about peace. Like, seriously? I only saw, like, a quote tweet. Let's have like... Seriously? I only saw a quote tweet. I didn't see the video. So like...

Suck my dick, Malal. Let's have a little bit of fun, Malal. We're at an awards show. Let's just play with it. Let's have a good time. I think that's not the... You gotta have someone write you a joke or something. Can you play the video before I overly criticize it?

Great to have you here you a joke or something. Can you play the video before I overly criticize it? Great to have you here, and congratulations on your movie. This question is from Joanne Nicolaitis of Brooklyn, New York. She asks, your work on human rights and education for women and children is an inspiration. As the youngest Nobel Prize winner in history, I was wondering, do you think Harry Styles spit on Chris Pine? I want to talk about peace. You know what? That's why you're Malala. Have a good time, dude.

It is. You know what she should have been? She should have been like, Harry Styles can spit on me whenever he wants. Both of those guys can spit in my mouth. Malala has been through more than I'll ever be going through in my life and blah, blah, blah. But like, I don't know, man. I figure if you're out at an award show, let's have some fun.

You know what we should do? We should show Malala the Mean Girls clip. You're right. We should empower female education. But then they came out and they brought the cocaine bear out after he was on stage and it was another Malala joke I think it was just like leave Malala alone cocaine bear

whatever but I caught Colin Farrell and his son sitting right there can you imagine the panic he had seeing cocaine bear walking his way he's like I'm seeing you, my fucking kid, Kimmel. Come on.

He's like, this is 100% for me. Don't you do it. Don't you do it. So, Colin, cocaine. That's great. How about the bitch in the back in the white dress? That was all the talk too

What's her name, Tez? I've never heard of her, she's a musician That is fucked That's gotta be, you have a wardrobe change That comes off at the red carpet You can't do that Sitting behind her is worse than sitting behind Lincoln At the fucking theater

Take off your goddamn fucking hat, bro You're 6'6 I thought he was going to get his head blown off, but yeah, the actor. Yeah, yeah.

Sitting in front of him wasn't great either, yeah. Yeah, that is tough. That's a tough scene. But that was all I really had on the Oscars. It was, I thought it was a good show.

I saw a few Kimmel jokes that were pretty good. I thought he did a good job with the Will Smith. I didn't see any of that. He was like, he was talking about how the Oscars have a plan in in place if anyone commits an act of violence

you'll be awarded best actor and give it a 19 minute speech and then at the end of the show he put up like a oscars broadcast since since an incident and he finally put up a one that's funny so he also said, I like the line where he was like, if something happens, sit there and do nothing just like you did last year. Yeah, yeah. He goes, maybe give the assailant a hug. Very true. I thought it was a very good thing. But speaking of movies, I'm in a weird phase right now where I'm trying to stop being fat for

the summer. So I'm falling asleep early, therefore waking up early. God damn it. So I'm getting up at like 7.30 these days. And I don't have kids. I don't have a life. What are you doing for the first five hours of the day? Dude, I kick my day off watching hardcore action movies.

Yes! Yes! Bro, I'll be like 7.30. Dude, I kick my day off watching hardcore action movies. Yes! Yes! Bro, I'll be like 7.30. Dude, I love you. 7.30 in the morning I'll wake up, pop on. I've done London is Fall and I did Luther the other day. Bro, I love it. I love it. I'm shirtless in bed and the sun's barely up

and I'm just watching people get fucking murdered. So it'll be like 9.30 and you've got a two-hour action movie in the books. Oh, yeah. For the last two weeks. You could get to noon and have like two and a half movies done. Yeah. Amazing.

It's unbelievable. It's a great existence. I recommend it. I want you to start going to the movies. If they open before the end. They do. They do. I've seen a few people do it

Jake Bass one time no way there's an 8am screening of Scream Tomorrow I'll go see it he brought in a bacon egg and cheese

and then watched a movie I'm like that sounds like the best thing in the world yeah I mean I'm not going very far for it it's gotta be like

in Union Square but cause I got rid of the theater right by me I had a theater two blocks from my apartment closed it oh that sucks

but the but the one I by me. I had a theater two blocks from my apartment. Oh, that sucks. But the one I watched this weekend, I did them all because I saw Creed 3 last weekend, so I've been in the boxing league, which I did not like at all. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to give spoilers, but I did not like Creed 3. But I did the Rockies.

Rocked all the Rockies? Yeah. I think I skipped five. Abusive guy. Huh? Abusive guy. Abusive guy. Rocky?

Oh, Rocky won. He like swings next to her head. Well, you know. You could only punch walls in the other room. That's my rule. At least one wall away. Dude, the first one. He's a boxer.

What are you expecting to do? Dude, the the first one he's got her like fucking cornered Like bad Yeah, he won the Oscar But it is I hadn't seen Rocky Probably in a while, probably since I was a kid I'm sure I've seen him on TBS I've seen some, but I haven't really sat down

And put on the Rockies probably in a while Bro, if you watch the Rockies Through the lens That Rocky is special needs. And it's not a hard leap to get to. I was going to say, you mean almost reality? Because he's talking like this. And, dude, it's the funniest movie of yours in your life. I was in tears watching Rocky II the other day.

Bro, Rocky II. Because, first of all, Rocky doesn't know how to fight. Rocky is not a good boxer. I know it's. First of all, Rocky doesn't know how to fight. Rocky is not a good boxer. I know it's the action of the 80s or whatever it is. But when Rocky's in the ring, the first two rounds, he just runs into the punches. His fucking fist never gets out of his rib cage. And he just slams his head into it.

It's crazy. But also, in Rocky 2 in particular, because he's starting to get some fame after the big fight with Creed, the first fight with Creed. And Rocky II kind of kicks off with, you know, he's left boxing and he's buying a house with Adrian. And bro, he pulls up to Park and he like parks like on the curb and then he gets out of the car and he's like yo Adrian this is a pretty nice brick right here like he's in there

with this brick and he's like hey brick good brick Adrian and then like they're in the house and she's like we should look at the other rooms and he's like I hey, brick, brick, brick, Adrian. And then, like, they're in the house, and she's like, we should look at the other rooms. And he's like, I mean, all houses are the same. And then the way he says everything is so funny. And then it cuts him. He still needs some money because he gets fired from the meatpacking facility because he can't hold a job.

And then so he's fucking – he's becoming a spokesman. And he can't read. It's so funny. And so he's fucking – he's becoming a spokesman. And he can't read. He's in a cage dressed like Bam Bam and he's just – the cologne is called Beast. And he's like, put on Beast. You unleashed. It's like, bro, I was in absolute tears. This is a special needs guy. And maybe that's a...

When The Matrix was like after the fact, they were like, it's about trans. Yeah, yeah, right. This is actually all along Rocky's been about mental disabilities. He's got a shred he can't even fathom. We're not clipping this. You know he He has like An eternal beef with the producers

And that's why he's like not involved Like we got one of those Fucking deals where like the producers own The character, the name, the rights Like everything Oh yeah? Did he? Ever heard of those?

You ever heard of any fucking morons who do that? That's a tough bid. Does someone else get to sell them at the Players? Kinda. You should call them Sly. Does someone else get to sell them at Dick's Sporting Goods? For people who may not know, 4Play has a new t-shirt out not not john but foreplay has a new shirt uh saturdays are for the players

sold like on the pga tour official pga gear go ahead and get that to foreplay though i don't know i'm glad someone's getting something uh i don't know how you haven't shot this place up. You should talk with Sly. He was like, I will never do another movie as long as that guy's alive. But he's like 91. So they're hoping that he's going to kick the bucket and then maybe he'll patch things up with his son. To do another Rocky?

Yeah. He did the Creed. I mean, it's the same franchise. He did Creed 1 and Creed 2. But like Creed 3, he's not. He advised a little bit on the script and shit like that i only saw creed two once but doesn't he die in creed two no no no uh no someone told me that recently i think he leaves off with like helping his son

like reconnecting with his son or some shit but um but like yeah it was one of those like everybody it was kind of like a little movement to be like give give stallone rocky like it's his fucking character he wrote it all i'll join that and then yeah you should join that movement you know what we should do is just like hardcore become sly stallone advocates and it's all just a it's all just like an allegory or whatever you want to call it for john be like what kind of fucking producers would take away the rights of the man who came up with this creatively? He wrote it. He fucking started it. The creative brain behind it.

Oh, God. Fun times. Fun times. Good times, great oldies. You son of a bitches. The other thing I've been doing recently is, and we've kind of talked about this before, but it's really on my brain I think I finished Netflix I don't ever watch Netflix anymore

You've gone through all of Netflix? I just watched Luther the Fallen Son Shout out to Shernan Great, I love Luther I didn't know there was a new Luther? The movie came out this weekend March 10th the movie came out It's like two hours

You don't really need to see the beginning There are five seasons of the show They're all great I think season four is two episodes March 10th the movie came out. It's like two hours. You don't really need to see the beginning. You don't need to see. There are five seasons of the show. They're all great. They're BBC shows. So I think season four is two episodes. You can whack it all out pretty quick. I fucking love Luther.

It is a character I hope that Idris Elba continues to do just forever. But yeah, it's a two-hour movie with Andy Serkis is the bad guy who is great. It's fun. It's a fucking action movie. So I watched that. What is bizarre is the movie is on Netflix. And the show used to be on Netflix, but the show is now on Hulu, which doesn't really make sense to me. It's one of those like you got the rights to the show, but not the movie and all that shit. But I've been watching a lot of Hulu, first of of all because i was catching up on luther and also because like

all the good shows are on hulu now new girls going to hulu 30 rocks on hulu fuck it all netflix really has anymore for like comfort tv is seinfeld aside from that there really isn't interested arrested doesn't comfort tv for me because it is a little too you gotta think thing and also the um no that's that's parks whatever the theme is the theme is, it's jarring, and that kind of takes me out of the comfort of it. I watched my Texas 911 show. Of course. So the last one I told you about was the outer space. Yeah.

The one after that was a volcano erupted underneath. The scorpions? The scorpions? I assume this was your show. There was a volcano erupted underneath the scorpions um the scorpions i just i assume this was your show there was a volcano erupting there was a girl trapped in a food truck she called 9-1-1 yeah and there were scorpions in the food truck and the 9-1-1 operator held her through i think i think there was some scorpions she starts asking she's like what's around what kind of salad dressings you have she's like you want to see a menu right now? She could just say, is there a vinaigrette?

She's like, no, no, list off all the salad dressings. It's unbelievable. It was like a volcano, but it was like a volcano that was underground. So it wasn't like, oh, like in Hawaii, there's a volcano that we all know about erupting. It was just like all of a sudden there was like lava in fucking L.A. or Texas. And one guy, his arm was like oh he um he jumped into a pool that happened to be uh bubbling like the the lava like cooked the pool and he didn't know it so he just jumped into like a boiling pool and he reaches out like help me and

someone grabs his hand and his skin comes off of his hand. I was like, I love this show so much. We're going from outer space to volcanoes underground to boiling skin. Hulu, that's where it's at. Hulu's balls, man. Netflix is, I think Netflix had its time in the sun. I think all these things were kind of like ebb and flow where it's like you used to have everything,

then you got to pick and choose which ones you sign. What's funny is Netflix found, I think when people talk about Netflix the most most with first of all like basically the only streaming service but like their recipe for success when they first came on the scene was we'll just show all the shows people like yeah and like but now once everybody either took back their own properties disney and shit like that or you get some bidding wars where it's like but i also think they got a little fucking too big for their britches. Like, we'll do exactly what every fucking broadcast network sees where it's just like, oh, we'll just do our own stuff. And that's what they – I mean the reason that people fell off broadcast television is they started putting out bad shows and cheaper shows.

And people are like, oh, we'll just watch the old good ones. And then Netflix is like, we'll spend $9 billion a year creating new content. And it's just not i wonder though there's not much good stuff you know like do the adam sandler movies and the the hallmark type movies and all those shit we've talked about before we've got the the reality shit on lock with some of those things love is blind and love island all that kind of shit whatever that you know it's like they they probably do still crush it but it just feel if you, but they don't because fucking none of those companies make money. It's like Uber and Netflix still aren't profitable. What are you fucking talking about?

It's so crazy. Companies just don't make – it's like the fucking SVB stuff where companies just don't make money. VCs have so much goddamn money. We'll just fuck it. We're bored. Here, take this money. I believe – I could be speaking on my ass here, but I believe Netflix and Uber, two of the biggest companies in the world, I think they're both still not profitable companies.

Well, Uber's got to pay off all the rapists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got to pay all the money to keep the rapes quiet. Them and Airbnb. It's just like, well, all of our money went to the rapes. But I don't know about the rest of them. As far as TV shows shows so The Last of Us finale

do you want to leave? she hasn't watched I don't have too much to say about it I probably won't spoil it it was good it was fine I think typically

in those television shows it kind of especially when you know it's a video game it ends how you would expect a video game to end I think it could have been a little

a lot of people were cumming themselves over the giraffe thing. Really? Yeah. That was fine. I think gamers, again, they were like, the giraffe scene better be in it. And even if you didn't watch, even if you didn't play the game, I was kind of like, okay. It wasn't bad, but I definitely wasn't like, what the heck? That was amazing.

That was all of it. I thought that the final scenes where there should have maybe had – I should have had some feelings of like, whoa, that was deep. I didn't really feel that way. I was just like, okay. Yeah, I'm with you on that. It's not a knock, but it's also not – I'm not going to like suck its dick. Like it wasn't like a – it wasn't like episode three. It wasn't like that.

Like the most touching moments were certainly not this episode. I said on My Mom's Basement when we did the review after episode seven, I had some fear about what their relationship would be going forward because I liked – and it's somewhat of a trope, but I liked the crotchety, grumpy old man and the happy young kid. And when he hugs her and says, I got you, baby girl, which is what he used to call his daughter, that I was like, he can't keep being the grumpy guy. He now accepts her as his own. And that would be weird if he's still a grumpy guy.

And they flipped where he became like the trying to be happy guy and she's and she's the grumpy one right and it was and that was before he lied to her but the it was like the whole thing i was like this is what i was afraid was going to happen and i don't think that'll be an issue like for me forever no but the it was a concern of mine and it was i do wonder uh if season two just like follows game two or if they are just like we're writing our own TV show now. I believe I heard that season two will be in between. Oh, right, right, right, right. The game, and then season three will be in between. So then in that case, it's like...

But I also saw from Let's Camera Barstool, they said something like, fucking season... Game two will be spread over two seasons. Got it. So they're going to, yeah. We're like, we got to get to four or five seasons out of this shit. We have one more game and we need four more seasons to sit.

The second game is twice as long as the first one. In hours of game plan. I also thought the big scene I thought could have been done I didn't think there was a little rush. If we're going to do action, do action.

I didn't really care for like the slow-mo action. Yeah, no. Just in general, I thought that whole thing was like kind of like, okay, that's like where I saw it going and it went there and it was fine. But I wasn't like nailed it. I also – I guess I must have misremembered episode one. I thought Marlene was dead. Why didn't she – She getslene was dead. She gets shot up. She got shot. She was like,

take her and get her out of here. I thought that was her die. I think that was supposed to be a reveal, like Marlene's still alive, and I was kind of like, wait a second, wait, what? Maybe we're just idiots, but that didn't feel like it was executed that well. If you're in that situation, like morally and philosophically, what do you think is the right move there?

Morally? That I also thought should have been done a little more. I think it's – there's an argument to be made. It's definitely for to be made. Like, you know what I mean? It's definitely for the greater good. Because you know, like, she would. She would be like, do it. Yeah.

You know? And he would never let that happen. And that's kind of like the whole push and pull of it all. And I didn't think that they, like, gave us that, you know? I agree. And maybe that's because this is not how the story goes. But, like, there almost, I feel like, should have been a scene of like like she knows and it's like no do it and he's like no you know what i mean just like because that to me is is the intrigue that

that the intrigue of it all is like what what do you do in that situation and what does the person who has the cure do and i think that's hit that you know i think that is kind the end of episode seven where you like once he's like, this is my daughter. You're not going to do it to your daughter. Right. Yes, you're right. Morally, if you're thinking about the greater good, all that shit. My thing was like that's a last resort.

Like you would – that's a one and done. If that surgery doesn't work, like it's gone. Yeah, yeah. So I think you would do that's a one and done. If that surgery doesn't work, like, it's gone. Yeah, yeah. You know? So I think you would do everything up, you know, there would be a lot in between that, I think. Yeah, but also that's like. Let's take a piece of it and let's, you know,

like we study your blood and we study your brain before we just go like, put her on the table. I think that is, that's what I like about the show. Like, yeah, you could do three episodes on that. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. But keep it moving. You're right, but that

to me would be the one thing that I would want there to be some dialogue about and some multiple scenes about where it's like... I thought they rushed those two things. I thought the brother, Tommy, just being like, nope. But I think he's going to come back. I would describe it as he's going to come back and play.

But also, with most TV, particularly HBO, the, drumroll please, word, penultimate is usually the big episode. And the last one kind of sets up for the next season. And that's what it was. I still maintain, I think, if you ask me about The Last of Us, it's still episode three to me. Three, five, seven. Three, five, seven are my favorites. Yeah. It's still episode three to me. Three, five, seven. Three, five, seven are my favorites. The standout episode, I think,

is the one episode that really doesn't have anything to do with the plot. All right, last thing before voicemails. If Tiger goddamn Woods ever has another girlfriend or relationship after this, I'm going to fucking kill him. That's a guy that just needs to not ever be in a relationship ever again.

Just fuck bitches and kick them out. One and done, one and done, one and done. No more relationships with that guy. When you've got to trick, kick out your girlfriend of the house, shit's going crazy, man. Just be done, dude. I don't know what what his i mean this is it's just a long one again this is what six years years yeah that's a that's a

long time yeah yeah but to be like i'm gonna send you on a vacation i got you i'm kicking you out of the house there's got to be some wild shit going on i i do think it would be fun to kick someone out of a house that they own nothing. It's like, it all fits in a bag. Get the fuck out of it. I can tell you we're going on vacation. We don't need to bring movers. You don't realize you just brought all your earthly possessions

with you because that's how little you contribute to this house, bitch. I do like that. That's where it is kind of gangster. You packed a purse and you realize that it is kind of gangster. It's like you leave, you packed a purse, and you realize that it's all my shit. It's like when Dennis kicks Mac out of the apartment. And he's like, everything in here is mine. Mac's like, that can't be true.

It's shockingly true. So good. So good. Mac's just so inqu inquisitive that can't be true it's shockingly true everything in here is fucking mine get the fuck out uh all right voicemails today brought to you by pirate water pirate water is taking over the world baby it's everywhere i get a lot of pictures a lot i didn't know like you know what the rollout was going to be like how long because in the in the past anytime it's on his fucking nascar yeah like in the past anything we've done

uh it's like hey buy this drink and the whole world's like we can't find it anywhere uh because it wasn't anywhere pirate water we did right we have blanketed the united states with pirate water and uh i got everybody asking me like you know what what is the deal with this i was at a high school hockey game like two weeks yeah and people want to know they want to sell pirate water because we're at a high school hockey game that's why we're with a bunch of 16 year olds but i mean the the like this drink is for certain people and not for certain people, but everyone's going to give it a taste. It is an absolute party in a can. I cannot stress that enough.

And speaking of party, we're bringing it to Southie this weekend. I have been. Boston's St. Patrick's Day Parade. St. Patrick's Day Parade. We got to float. We're not going to the parade. We are in the parade. We are the parade.

We are the one who floats. It is going to be a wild time if you're in Boston, in Southie. I mean, I don't have to tell you to come out. You'll be there. Pirate water, all four flavors. Bahama Mama, Miami Vice, Sex on the Beach, Margaritas, 10% alcohol by volume. It's also 16 ounces. So that's an extra third of a can with two extra, two X, the alcohol.

You combine that. That means it's 1 billion extra percent. It's basically, I think realistically you need two of them to like have your pregame and they're $2 each. So if you got $4, the old ATI question, if you have $5 to get drunk, what are you buying?

Two pirate waters and a dollar to spare. Yeah. Your goal, two pirate waters, the bag of peanut M&Ms. Baby, baby, that is a, that is a party in that is a party in a bag right there.

Two Pirate Waters and some M&M's. So check it out at your gas station, your Walmart, your local liquor store, your bodega. They are everywhere. And also when you see them up against, like, you know, they're all in the case and there's all the other versions of these type of drinks. And the other ones are just like. Yeah. You've got it you got the fucking skull yeah like that and and in true barstool fashion with the pirate theme like especially if you're in boston this weekend you got to be drinking pirate water so get your pirate water they sponsor they are the official sponsor of our voicemail what an eclectic crew we got here. We almost got a – this is Feidelberg if he went to the suburbs and became –

yo, that Honda CR-V Feidelberg. Oh, man. Bro. Bro. Are you fucking with us? You want to tell me something? You want to tell me – like, is that you? That one's –

Bro, that one is you. Yeah, that one's pretty good. I pose the question. This versus Durex Feidelberg. What do you think? I think it's this guy just because I'm jealous of his beard. I think this guy's handsomer, so I'm going to say this guy. I always made fun of him.

I said, you know, this is Fidelberg if he ever hit puberty and could grow his beard. But then I went back, and I actually didn't send the tweet because you can grow your beard. It's not burly like this one, but you've got a beard. If you on the weekend. You finally grew it in. Really? Yeah. I mean, it was a little bit patchy, but, like, you had a beard.

I don't know about that. I'll take it, but I don't know about that. Yeah, I mean, it's just little bit patchy, but you had a beard. I don't know about that. I'll take it, but I don't know about that. Yeah, I mean, it's just like here. That's the problem. But you have also light hair, so it doesn't look like you grew it in, but you kind of did. I don't know. The thing was, you are a chameleon, too. So your look that you had when Durex Feidelberg came out, it was that exact look.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now your beard is like your look the past couple years is honda crv phytalberg that's true so like they both it's a tie because but what's funny is the best response this was this is phytalberg if he could look like the stars of his favorite movies that is so accurate yeah yeah yep who was that Posa. Just Posa. He's great. Yeah, he is great. He's always got funny comments. He said he had the Randy Moss screenshot.

For Nate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For Nate's performance. But yeah, that middle guy looks like Feidelberg in a different world as well. Before voicemails, I got to speak about something that I think is illegal, perhaps unconstitutional, and downright inhumane. Leaking pictures from the strip club

is a slippery slope where we as a society have to stand up, no matter what you think about Ja Morant and how stupid he's been recently. As a society, we have to say no to this. I very largely agree with you. Everybody needs to know you're in a safe place.

Come on. Yeah, the strip club is... The picture was awesome, though. The picture is so awesome. It is. It's hard. The flip side is he's probably like, yeah, you can leave those pictures. So here's the game I want to play.

Like, how many jelly beans are in the jar? How many dollars are there? How much money is there? Now, if those are all singles... You have to imagine that. A lot of people are saying it's like fake money but sometimes they they fake money and they just give you like a brick of cash like here you go but for the effect of it but let's say it's all singles or like lower bills what does it matter a dollar is fake money

yeah seriously seriously what can you buy with a dollar well when you get a pirate water besides that i don't know you could buy, you, you sweep up that floor. You could probably buy a thousand pirate water. Like dude, I actually, you could buy, you could buy fucking 10,000 pirate waters. The, uh, I just said, I was at a high school hockey game recently and, uh, I got, they had a vending machine and I got Sour Patch Kids. I have a $2 at a vending machine for Sour Patch Kids. Like what can, what can you get with it?

I'd rather have a pirate water. What can you get with a dollar? Nothing. So like a dollar is fake money. But a dollar... I mean, technically a dollar gets you eight ounces of Pirate Water. I started selling minis. Forget it.

I think I saw that somebody said this was... That they said he had $50,000 on him. Okay. So is that what $50,000 in ones looks like? I was going to say that was like $12,000. You also got to know how much further. I mean, you can't see the floor, dude. It's not.

It's a thick. There's probably layers to that. Do the strippers have rakes? Again, I think at the end, they probably just have somebody sweep it up, and then there's just a huge stack of money. Say that's $12,000. I would pay $6,000 for someone to pick it up on you. I'm not fucking with you.

What am I going to do? Sit here and – I won't be able to work tomorrow night. My back would hurt so much. If I don't have a ring, I'm paying someone to pick all that up on me. I would probably get a vacuum and just open up the thing. Yeah, a vacuum. Just walk out of there with the vacuum case.

John Morant is so stupid that I almost love – he's just like, I'm going for it. I'm just going to do it, dude. I'm partying. I got my guns. This is my favorite quote from the article. He pulled the white boy excuse card. I'm just going through a lot right now, so I'm going to act like a fool and put other people's lives at risk. When they ask him about the gun.

Bro, that is the white people excuse card. Sorry, I'm depressed. That's a mental health excuse. Yep, I did something did something wrong i've been really depressed recently sorry dude that shit that shit works for white boys that's how you turn into the he was the quiet kid next door oh he had problems at home he didn't have a good shot of a school it's not a second amendment issue It's a mental health issue. No, they can't have money either. Breaking news.

Trevor Bauer just signed in Japan. Really? So that's it for – that pretty much shows you what – he was – him and his team were all like truth will prevail. The law is on my side like the law is on my side the truth is on my side oh yeah well then why are you signing with the yokohama bay stars the truth is on your side if the truth is on your side and you're and i mean he's not as good as like that one season but he's a good pitcher like there's always somebody in professional sports

that will take a chance on someone they think will win a championship if truth is on their side if you go to the yokohama bay stars truth is not on your side brother and you know what maybe maybe actually truth maybe there was some truth on your side but you are such a fucking dickhead and such an obnoxious cocksucker that you're on the yokohama bay stars it is so hard to be again i guess i'll give him the superstar tag but it was like he it was like because of the name because everyone knew his name because he was an asshole yeah he wasn't a superstar but people could tell you his era he's about like everyone's like oh yeah i've heard it loud mouth on on social

media yeah before he was fucking whatever i can say allegedly i don't even know assaulting people before that people like that dude fucking sucks. So like, if you sucked before that, you're not getting signed. Yeah, it's a wrap. Not to mention, you've missed like two years now. 194 games. Yeah, see you later, bro. Alright, voicemails. What's up, team?

Mike here from St. Louis. So I'll just jump right to the point. So, I think that there is one thing in the world that I'm better at than everybody in the world. And that is watching movies, comedy shows, whatever it is. And it's not like I can watch the most of them. It's just that I can understand movies and plot lines and with comedy, especially like the little things, the subtleties, inflections, pace, tempo, whatever, I think that I'm better in the world than anybody at watching this stuff because I understand the point that it's trying to get off.

Or at least I'm better than all the women in the world at this. Well, the bar just dropped. They're terrible to watch shit with sometimes. Anyway, so yeah, so what is the one thing that you guys think that you're better in the world at? That went from a funny little like, hey, what's the thing that you think you're better at? To like, I'm better than, I'm smarter than the women. To be fair, they are very bad at that. On the whole, they are very bad at that.

And they always ask you, like, what's going to happen? And it's like, we're watching it for the first time together. I don't know. They all do that. It's crazy. I just did this the other – I just did that the other day trying to get into Star Wars. But we're just jumping right into The Mandalorian. I was asked for a recap of Star Wars.

All of Star Wars. I mean that's a hard one. All of Star Wars. It was tough. It's a lot of weird names. It's like, I don't know. There's a guy and a dad and a lightsaber. That's it i was like for to see cute baby yoda you need to know that there was a war uh the empire's gone done yeah uh what do you think do you think there's anything you're in this world no not even like the best that is just anything you think you can confidently say

you're good at because i don't know if i can i don't know if i can pinpoint it i mean i i can we've done the drinking we've done the the fucking uh push-ups we've like we've kind of done this question recently yeah you can do drinking and push-ups i can do ad reads that's it ad reads and ad and ad segues yeah that's it that's really the show you want you want to recap there you go you're jumping into episode 700 right away like here you go this guy does ads he does he drinks and does push-ups whatever the um it's funny he says that though like comedies because i actually just watched triangle of sadness yesterday afternoon um because it was the best picture nom and i've been told many times uh that i would like it it's good i liked it they were like sometimes where i was hysterically laughing i didn't really get the movie so i would be i've never even heard

of this one triangle of sadness is Woody Harrelson. Oh, okay. Yes, I did. He's the captain on a ship. Yeah, okay. It is a... It's a very odd movie. It is... Someone said last night during the show, Andrew Garfield said, it was the writers... I don't know who the writer is, but it was the writer's take on the Uber

wealthy. I did not get that from the movie. Got it. Everyone in it is rich, or not everyone, but a lot of people are rich it's almost like a mix of like fucking not really the menu kind of the menu a little bit and um I was going to say I haven't seen White Lotus but I was going to say Parasite

um it's good I don't know I wouldn't strongly recommend it because it is so kind of weird that you have to be a certain kind of person to get it or to enjoy it but I will say there is a skill there's like it's just like the attention span that you have and like being able to you know what i found a lot of it is about like like that he turned that from a quirky thing to a douchebag thing real quick when he was like you know i can like the

nuances and whatever shut the fuck up dude but like the ability to go i'm not really sure what's going on right now but i'm gonna like watch a couple more episodes or watch another hour of the movie and it's gonna come together i was very much like that with this movie i was like oh i got and like but that's in the end i kind of got it and maybe in this time it didn't all come together but eventually you go like oh okay i caught up i got it i got it now and it's like yeah just do that before we like talk throughout the whole thing and you know it's And maybe in this time it didn't all come together, but eventually you go like, oh, okay, I caught up. I got it now. And it's like, yeah, just do that before we talk throughout the whole thing. It's like just – you'll get there.

The plane will land. And maybe you won't understand every bit of symbolism, but you'll understand enough that you go, okay, I got the movie. But as far as – yeah, I mean the only thing I do enough that I can be confident in is more than the average person is podcasting. Yeah. But podcasting is just talking. So the only – I just got to pick something technical. But also even like talking, as we kind of said earlier, I'm good at here. I'm not the best talker because last week I did multiple things where I had to do like a lot of small talk. And I went home exhausted. Exhausted, right?

I actually – multiple times now in the last few years, I've picked up on people being like – either picked up on or just saw it bluntly being like he's way quieter than you expect. Like he's quieter in person. Yeah. Like they – I think everybody is disappointed when they meet me a hundred percent like or i think that's a good thing like if that was me all the time yeah i would be insufferable right exactly if i was just screaming at you all the time like one minute man people would hate me that that's better be quieter than i am on the internet but the amount of people that have been like no no like he's not going to be quieter than I am on the internet. But the amount of people that have been like, no, no, no, he's not going to be like that at all. And then people are like, oh, okay.

It's like, fuck. That's actually – that's what I'm great at. I'm great at turning it off. I'm great at flipping the switch. I can be on. I can be off. I think I turn it on and then I think what I am is my off. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm great at turning it off. Yeah, yeah. For like a quick burst. When you need me, I can be there. But if you need me to be myself. But if you want to just sit there and hang, I'm great at it. We're on the same page. I'm a great hang.

If you're expecting that version of a hang, go get somebody else. It ain't me. All right, let's do this Feidelberg doppelganger. Is Floyd Mayweather the richest person throughout history that's illiterate, even counting for inflation? No. No, I mean, there's a time when a lot

of people couldn't read. Like the kings and queens and the richest people who couldn't read. 100%. But, yeah, because those guys had like trillions when you adjust it for inflation. Yes, it's not even close. But – yeah, because those guys had like trillions when you adjust it for – Yes. It's not even close. Yeah.

Like could fucking – Like the pharaohs and shit. Could Alexander read? Could fucking Genghis Khan read? I don't know. Maybe they could. But like – but the point being – Genghis Khan probably couldn't read. He probably like just didn't even bother.

Like he was like, I don't need to learn that. Yeah. Like I'm just going to fucking kill. You read these books. I'm going to kill you. Maybe those people could read. I don't know where you draw the line. I would think they could read at Clinton. That's a good question. When did reading become

common? I know the printing press was a big deal. I think that was in the 1600s. But that's not like learning to read. That was like the ability to get books. But I guess before you could get the 1600s. But that's not learning to read. That was the ability to get books. But I guess before you could get your hands on books and shit, you wouldn't learn how to read.

I mean, girls just learned how to read in the 90s. Still haven't figured out how to watch movies. I don't have a concept of time, really. Could more people read in the 1800s? Could most people read? What does that say, Paps? Literacy was very common in the 1800s Yeah, so in 1870

20% of the entire adult population Was illiterate Oh, then fuck it Those guys couldn't read for shit then Yeah, yeah So if you go back But yeah, so like In like

You're also talking about You know, in Egypt it was like hieroglyphics. Like they could look at pictures and – but like a regular ass alphabet. Also, if you're doing like kind of – It is kind of funny that Floyd can't read though. Like he has hundreds of millions of dollars and it's like you can't do the basic thing that people can't he really or is that like a rumor is that like is that like i mean i really don't i mean i'm sure he can do basics but like i don't think you know would you read one page of a harry potter book i don't know if he could like do you know he can probably read like stop signs and like exit signs and shit like that he just knows an octagon a red octagon means stop because

wouldn't you would like have proved that by now? But also like there, I don't know. I probably wouldn't. I just let people keep thinking that. It would be like if I was Floyd,

I would be like Floyd can read because of the UK press conference. He had a laptop and he had like points to say how big it was. How big was it?

I don't know what that means. But like if I was Floyd because he's all about his money, I'd be like, I'm going to do a pay-per-view, or I'm going to read a book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's find out. Twas a night before Christmas. Exactly.

Exactly. It's like you get to pick the book. I don't know what it's going to be, so I can't memorize it or whatever, and you get to surprise me on the spot with a book, and we'll find out if Floyd can read. Y'all gotta pay a hundred dollars to watch it it's like the uh fuck him up give him game of thrones what so wait what is this what did he prove it because okay so this is just a story maybe about that that he could but i mean like if there's enough

like uh you said it recently like if there's a rumor that you can't read, you can't read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That girl cannot read. She has not done. That's a girl like that. You're telling me that girl doesn't want to put that rumor to rest? Like, Floyd can maybe be like, I don't give a fuck about these people, whatever. Like, that girl should probably show the world she can read.

Yeah, I think Lea Michele's response was, I always knew my quotes, my scripts. That's not a yes. You just got lawyered. That girl needs to do a TikTok and be like, write me some comments and I will read them. She has. Yeah, she leaned into it. She actually went the route of, I can't read.

Okay, good. That's funny then. At first, though, she was pretty funny. You know what? You know the Picasso thing that blows everybody's mind? How late he was? Yeah. I learned a couple more good ones recently.

Okay. Because the youths are stunned that Amy Winehouse and and taylor swift were contemporaries like the young kids on tiktok do not know like they thought amy winehouse was like i don't know ancient i guess i did too i thought she died like in her like mid to late 30s she died when she was 27 she's a 27 club oh but um like they like the specific thing was that taylor and amy were both nominated for like song of the year once at the same time in 2011 or something like that. And they were blown away by that. So the comments started listing out a bunch more.

Which, by the way, the Picasso one is far and away the best one ever. People were like hundreds of years off on that one. But these are some funny ones. Charlie Chaplin and 50 Cent were alive at the same time. Really? Yeah. He died in like 79 and 50 was born in like 78 or 77. And Charlie Chaplin lived a long life, I imagine.

Yeah, but it's not as long as you think it is. I think he went from like early, like late 1800s to he lived like From 89 to 77. It's not like crazy. It's long, but it's not like 100 years. Longer than I'm going to live. God willing. The pharaohs in Egypt were

alive for woolly mammoths. Really? If you asked me about woolly mammoths, I would have said that they're like 50 million years old. That's some fucking... I probably would have guessed like woolly mammoths were pre... No, because they were definitely post because it was after the meteor like it was the ice age. But like I would have... I'm thinking dinosaurs and shit and they

were around in like 2000 BC. Like when humans and shit were around. Like I would have thought like maybe like when I started to think about it, I'm like, alright, maybe like an early caveman. But first guess I would have been like, yeah I started to think about it I'm like alright maybe like an early caveman but first guess I would have been like yeah they're with the dinosaurs I caught that pretty quick because it was the meteor brought the ice age

William and I was from the ice age that's good for you I didn't know I mean I didn't know that's a thing right yeah wait what do you mean like they're from the ice age like the ice the like they're from the ice age like the ice

the meteor hitting everybody died caused the ice age and then but like did they were they like dinosaur types

that survived the ice age and the meteor or like they were born out of the like the first so the earth is wiped out by the big bang theory and then

woolly mammoths like grew out of that I mean I don't know yeah yeah i mean this is our own mean girls but like i said like there's plenty of things i just i just don't know i do not know what i do not know how they either survived or came from but like i know they were around on the ice every picture i've ever seen when they're walking in snow here was a good one. Charles Darwin and Eminem live together. What? I don't think

that really shocks me either. That one shocks me because I think of Charles Darwin as like Again, like if they were fucking having lunch together. I think of Charles Darwin as like Sir Isaac Newton. Those like go together for me. I was going to say like When did he die? He died in 1882 oh oh darwin or newton wait what was it then newton's during

the plague yeah but oh then it's not um fuck what was it picasso lived through darwin and eminem that maybe yeah that's what it is yeah picasso was alive for both of those two guys yeah that would have been crazy, Darwin. But even still, being late 1800s, I thought that dude was old, old. I thought he was in the Renaissance. I'm the other way on this. I thought he was

younger. I thought he was more recent. You thought Darwin was in the 1950s? I would have said early 1900s. Anyway, those things will always blow your mind, but Picasso is always the greatest. Picasso being around for M is just hilarious. There was a couple things about Mariah Carey in there, too.

So it's like, yeah, there are people born in the 70s. But it's all about who you pick. The person from pop culture in the 70s that you compare to the scientists from the 1800s is 70s that you compare to like the scientists from the 1800s is what it's all about because there's plenty of people that were around for that but uh but yeah and for the people listening right now who are just finding out yeah pablo picasso died in 1973 not not 1473 like most people think all right next right, last voicemail. All right. KFC, fights, whole crew there. Quick question for you, hypothetical.

I had too much Buffalo Wild Wings this weekend, spent way too much money. Besides the point, I got into a hole on Instagram commenting on a bunch of stuff. And I had like six comments come back under review or whatever about inappropriate language or insults or whatever it is because their feature on instagram now is if you swear in a comment or insult someone they tell you it's inappropriate and they all take it down because of all this fucking pc whatever i'm not being racist or anything like that i just told someone he was an asshole but my question is if there's one feature on Instagram or Twitter, Snapchat, whatever it is, whatever you use on all social media,

one feature that you could take away or change, what would it be? Great question. I'll give you a specific example. Mitch Marner had a nasty goal for the Leafs. I'm a Bruins guy, but besides the point, I commented, his hands are filthy. They told me that filthy wasn't an appropriate word. I'm droning on here.

Whatever. Okay. First of all, referring to the Marner goal against the Oilers, that goal was fucking filthy. It was gross. I think it's kind of crazy that we're now

censoring curse words. That's wild i we're just we're just like letting the fact that like we're just letting children like rule the world i i agree with that like that's getting to be a bit bro i used to tell refs in hockey when i was in high school when they told me to watch my mouth like shut the fuck up you like i'm i'm 18 years old suck my fucking dick dude it's like i get that there's like-year-olds on TikTok, but I don't know. You think that they're not going to come across curse words elsewhere? So now regular adult content creators can't use certain words anymore without being penalized for it? We were talking about, so am I the asshole is a problem because the whole fucking game is asshole.

And we were like, should we change it to butthole? That somehow feels worse. Yeah, butthole. You say butthole, it's like a four star being like, look at my butthole. You say asshole, it's like, I don't think of like, you're an asshole, you're just a dick. If I say you're an asshole, I think you're a dick. And I don't mean a dick, I mean you're a bad person. But when I say butthole, I'm thinking're an asshole I think you're a dick and I don't mean a dick I mean you're a bad person but when I say butthole I'm thinking about

your asshole 100,000% they should absolutely I get auto correct way too quick to butthole I gotta reel it in so that sucks but it's also like

I honestly feel like social media is becoming like sitcoms became like in the 80s and 90s where it's just like you can't say those bad words on television it's like why not well because like kids are watching it's like okay you know and so you can you can say whatever you want in your comedy but you're not going to get on like nbc so it's like you're allowed to do it on instagram but you're not going to go anywhere yeah that sucks but i don't know i'm like can we get one channel that's not like truth social that is for like adults you know or fucking parlor it always just becomes racist right away i just want to be like this is the social media where you can say bad words you're not racist and we're not political. You're just allowed to say fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like the fact these guys have to go through and blur out every fucking – we just have to stop trying to – we have to stop fucking cursing so much for these guys. It's crazy that they just sit there and like blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur. It's insane. I got one suppressed because Nate was like life – and then life ends and you die, and that was it.

Right, like that. Suppressed for 100 years ends and you die. And that was it. Right. Like that. If you mention death, it's crazy. Like, bro, what are we doing? Say the word gun. Nothing. Like, it's real. What about if I said, like Dave, the last gun in the bullet? Like if I was using a euphemism, like it's just the word gun.

The word gun is going to trigger their AI. I did notice that Sean Kent did nothing. So, I mean, this is the answer. But because he gave that, I'll try to come up with another one. Mine would be the memory button. Yeah, get rid of that. I do not see fucking what I used to do. Also, if you get told six comments, are you like violating community rules? You're probably violating community rules.

You're probably an asshole. Well, I mean. It is. Like, they just comment, you're an asshole on someone's post. Unless it's your buddy and You're probably violating community rules. You're probably an asshole. Well, I mean – It is. They just comment you're an asshole on someone's post unless it's your buddy and you're drinking. Are you saying it? But that's the problem. I got thrown in Instagram jail for the last couple of years because I called Kelly a big bird. It's like I want to – there needs to be like an appeals process where it's like we're friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Right. It's like somebody else reported that I was being mean. It's like she's a bird. Zuckerberg, she's bird what do you want me to do man just talk to my friend she has to be a big bird um i i think just to make it simple let's just simplify the situation you uh everybody there's like an automatic feature you all you delete your pictures of your ex you know that's a thing should i delete my picture of my ex or should i not let's just make it uniform

that like instagram just does it for you or something i was just i don't do it i wouldn't either i don't i don't say go delete your pictures but rather like let's just make this not an issue you know what i mean yeah like remember one of the most brilliant things ever remember when tommy zolo was in a relationship with his buddy on Facebook so that he wouldn't ever have to have the conversation? I don't think that's that genius. Oh, I think that was amazing. It's so...

It is... I think we've come out the other side of it where it's weird to even have it. But there was the phase, the heavy poking phase, where you were... Facebook official was a thing, bro. And if you watch social you if you were a facebook official was a thing in the relationship and if you watch social network like that was a big part of yeah the blow-up of facebook but like if we've been dating for like six months we're actually like like yeah if we're

if we're kind of like whatever i wouldn't and i personally would never care yeah but the the girl who does care is probably gonna still care that's the stupidest reason ever like your best friend you and your best friend are in a relationship? Yeah, but I think it just stops the question from coming up as much. It's like – The moment you have a conversation, so we're dating. Because again, it was a big thing for a while. I do not think it is anymore.

But the – That's crazy. I mean the amount of like – like you would never do that now. No. It was just a thing. It was like, yeah, you have to put on the internet you're in a relationship and then it was like you could put with and tag that person and now it's like nobody's doing that no nobody wants to know it's not a feature on instagram it's not a feature on what everybody's hooking up with each other we don't want to do that that

would be fucking crazy one uh i mean i'm trying to think of a side from censoring because that's just all that's on my mind all the time but I think there should be a way to turn off all mentions. I really think you should be able to. I want to be a creator on here and not a consumer. And so I don't want any feedback. I am still on my quest. I have everyone muted every day. It's actually like I almost tweet more to get people to reply so I can mute them.

Like, it is. Like, dude, I have gone so over the top. You're just mousetrapping them with your tweets. It's fucking. Like, if you reply to me, I mute you. It's crazy. I mean, yeah, if you take the time to reply to me, you're gone. And there are people who I already have a relationship with.

Not like a relationship, but like, oh, I know that guy. He's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, I am so quick with the hook. You throw a ball, you're out. You see that umpire? Oh, my God. That was crazy.

That was wild. That was insane. Worst call of all time. We – yeah, I mean, that's like – I mean, he's suspended indefinitely. He should be fired. Was he? Yeah. I imagine – I would be surprised if he pitches again in that conference.

Like, maybe he'll go back to high school or whatever but like I mean you can't I mean but I also respect what we're talking about

but there was a division whatever coach D1 D1? wow D1 that's really crazy division one umpire who

it was like some conference we don't know but it was D1 called the pitch a strike that was a ball and it was it was bad but it wasn't that bad.

And the batter did show him up and pointed with his bat where it was and made a big reaction. And then the next pitch he called third strike, and the ball was in the other batter's box. Oh, the batter's box at the laces. Yeah, it was crazy. But I do respect that umpire being like, I am calling a strike. This next pitch is a strike no matter what. I think it was a 9-1 game or something. And I think that team – No, but you know what?

Because I saw a comment that said up four with two strikes and two outs, that call gets made every time. Like four is not that crazy. No, I don't think it was four. Well, that was – You can pull it up. It was more than that? Yeah, I think it was 9-1 or 7-1.

And then that team with that kid, Mississippi, something Valley, I think they lost 33-1 the next day. These guys fucking are terrible. Let's get out of here. I'm not exact on the scores, but they got their fucking doors blown off the next day. So I could see him

being like, I'm just kidding. We're going home. But it is, I mean, it has to be an adult in the room. It's supposed to be the ump. It's not the ump show. Yeah, 7-3, bro. It's a four-run game. All right. I thought it was 7-1. There has been two-out, four-run rallies all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is not that crazy. No, you're right. You're right. I thought it was a bigger blowout than that. But the – for some reason earlier we were saying something. I don't know. We were talking on social media.

Whatever. I have to tip my cap. I've been re-watching 30 social media Whatever I have to tip my cap I've been re-watching 30 Rock recently I gotta tip my cap I think the Simpsons Always gets credit For predicting things

30 Rock is on a lot Two that really stuck out I've just kind of Restarted season one Because I don't know I kind of rotate My comfort shows I'm on 30 Rock

30 Rock I do think Is The funniest Of the Thursday night shows Really I think it's the fun Not the most re-watchable Not the most Best comfort TV I've seen a couple Here and there is the funniest of the Thursday night shows. Really? I think it's the fun. Not the most rewatchable, not the best comfort TV.

I've seen a couple here and there. They could do everything. They can be zany. They can offer commentary. They can do serious stuff. Very versatile. Their cast is so fucking, like, it's so funny. I'm ready to call it. I think I went through a phase. I'm ready to call it 15 years after funny. It is, I'm ready to call it.

I think I went through a phase. I'm ready to call it 15 years after we came up here. I'm ready to call it. It is the funniest of the three. Again, it's not the most rewatchable. It's not the most wholesome. It's not the best comfort TV. It doesn't have, like, the love story on it. Funny.

Just funny. It's 30. I think I went through a phase, like, after the Seinfeld type shows era where I was like, no, like those shows aren't good. I don't know why. Really? I feel like I – like 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, and Community. But I did love Arrested, and I like The Office. But the other ones I was like I just never watched for some reason, and I don't know why.

30 Rock might be a little wacky for you. Yeah. It might be a little like out – because there's a lot of stuff that's just like out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is. It might be a little out. There's a lot of stuff that's just out there. But it is god damn it's funny. But Simpsons always gets credit for being like oh they predicted this and that. I'm only on season one but the two or actually this one I might have watched season seven.

Whatever. There are two things that I thought they did a great job predicting. Maybe I won't keep updating you. One, Jack Donaghy is telling Tina Fey that they gotta do reality TV. It's the easiest one, it's the cheapest, if you get bad ratings, whatever

just move on to the next one and she goes, actually Jack I think we're headed towards the golden age of scripted television and he like rolls rising, almost like an old lady put under bed. And I think she nailed that. That was like 2009 I think Yeah, that was when we got over reality TV.

I mean, reality TV is still doing just fine. They're both right. They're right. You know what I didn't realize? Did you know that reality TV started because of a writer's strike? I did not know that. Networks were like, we don't have any writers. And we got to put some, like, that's when cops blew up.

That's when a lot of those shows blew up. I was watching on Vice, like, the dark side of the 90s. and we got to put some like that's when cops blew up that's when a lot of those um shows blew up i was watching on vice like the dark side of the 90s because there was um you know the story of the the guy on the uh the jenny jones show no um he got called in and was like um so like one guy gets called onto the show and it's like your crush is going to reveal that they love you. And it was a dude. And they surprised him with that. And then that guy went home and fucking killed the guy.

What? Yeah. And it was like a big – I didn't know this either. But it was like a big constitutional thing like is Jenny – I think Jenny Jones. I think it was Jenny Jones. Like is she responsible? Are the producers responsible for this? And Jerry Springer was like the king at that point and they called him in like before congress and

he like ran their shit he's like a smart guy he like ran i'm almost mad that i didn't know this when we interviewed him because i would love to talk about it he like clowned the people asking him questions had answers for everything like no this is not my fucking fault that this crazy psychopath went home and murdered somebody you know but um but that was a big like there was a big pushback that's when everyone became like oprah type shows and jerry was like fuck that we're doubling down and they just kept doing like crazy shit but they're also saying it was they had no writers and they were like we gotta still have tv so we'll just put like regular people out there and they were like well this works like let's just do this forever don't pay these motherfuckers

anything and everyone's still watching sounds great to me um but the other one that they did they i saw this one today nailed it devin banks will arnett is um kind of coming for jack's job as president of east coast marketing and uh you know East Coast microwaves and television programming. He's talking to Tina Fey and he's a formidable opponent. He spearheaded the 10 second sitcom on the internet. It's TikTok.

Then they cut away to one and it's so awful and so unfunny but it's a TikTok. It's like when you come home from a long day and the wife's home. And he walks in and the wife looks up at the couch and goes, ugh. And then the credits roll. I was like, that's a TikTok. That's a TikTok.

That is 100% a TikTok. That would go viral today. I'm sure the writers were trying to make fun of it. Be like, what's next? It keeps getting smaller and smaller and smaller. A 10-second one, that'll never happen. Here we are. That's from season one. So that's probably like

2006. Yeah, you're like 20 years ahead of the curve. Holy shit. Alright. What was our interview today? Do we have one? Chrissy. Oh, wow. Chrissy D. I think this is the first time that we've had people who are superstars after they've become superstars.

We've had people that we've had on the show that went on to become superstars. I think this is the first time we're getting someone right as they're fucking hitting that next level. And we talk about it in the show. But I think Chris is about to be fucking the the one like he's got he did it right where it's like like all the comics like why do you do tv and i'm sure a lot of the tv people like you got to clean up your comedy act and he just kind of like like stayed down the middle and did both and now he's just got like both both on lock you know i mean knows like the uh unpractical jokers crowd also does the hardcore comedy crowd. Does the multiple podcasts.

Fucking handsome guy. Does the family. It's everything. So Chrissy on the show. And every time he's on the podcast, you know what you're going to get. He's the best. Chrissy D on KC Radio. Once again, let's talk to him.

Let's fucking go. Did you guys – did you fuck or what? No. No, I told you. Did you check this straight? I told you, dude. I'm going straight on their podcast gay on this one. It's funny.

Grab a water. Yeah, grab no waters. Grab that big boy. Grab a one, too. They're like the size of my dildos at home. They're huge. I love this. You want one?

Yeah, please. Wow. They, the out and about guys, like their podcast has blown up in the past year. Has it? And they like a lot of the same comedians. So they really have blown up in the past year and they like a lot of the same comedians so they really have been like the comics

come through and do both of ours and usually we do all the gay jokes and the fun gay stuff and then they just swooped in and undercut us

are you homophobic this is disgusting well no we were on there I was saying that they were like the gay podcast of Barstool

I said no everybody at Barstool is gay. That's the thing. You guys are the only ones who are out and about. It's so true. You see the ball pin up. It's all gay men. It really is. It's beautiful, but it's fucking gay white guys.

It really is. Yeah. It really is. I remember our CEO saying she's going to write a book one day that's called Men Are Chicks. She's like, once I got here and started dealing with all you guys, I realized you're all just fucking chicks too. You're all gossiping and fighting and worrying. Way worse. Worse than chicks.

These chicks are like, yeah, this is what we do. Guys are pretending. I was going to say, a lot of times chicks will be – people say, oh, chicks are passive aggressive. I've seen my girl and her friends be aggressive at each other where I pussyfoot around my guy friends all the time I would never go to a friend like there's this uh there's this like idea that like guys will just fight and like punch each other and get it over with it's like when maybe when we're like yeah yeah yeah actually hurt each other we stop stop we just don't talk about our if we got into a fight, I'd sue you. That's what it is. I would immediately sue you.

Can you throw hands at all? Have you, like, boxed and shit? I box. I box, yeah. But, you know, if we got into a... It's one of those things where I, in a training session, I can do it.

I know the moves or whatever, but I think I truly, if there was a real altercation, immediately, I'm just on the floor, curledcation, immediately I'd be like this. Just on the floor, curled up, just getting kicked. Have you ever seen our thing Rough and Rowdy? Is that when you got people to box?

Yeah. We bought like an amateur boxing federation. And these guys all train for like a year ahead of time. Right. And they're in the gym doing all the fucking things, swinging in their head. And then they ding, ding, ding. And they just go, ah, ah, ah, ah. And they're gassed in 30 all the fucking things, swinging in their head. And then they ding, ding, ding. And they just go, ah, ah, ah, ah. And they're gassed in 30 seconds. Totally out of gas.

Of course, dude. Hugging, locking. It's like the only people who can actually stand up and throw punches repeatedly are full-blown professional boxers. Full-blown boxers. Everyone else is just, you're working out or you're throwing haymakers and you're scared and you're rolling around on the floor. That's like – and I think it's one of those things where you have to just do that for 15 years before you can even become – Absolutely. Like the Jake Paul Fury fight. Jake Paul, I mean people say what they want.

He's like a great boxer. He is. But Fury has been doing it probably since he was a little kid where Jake has only been doing it for five years. I mean for somebody who's been doing it for five years, you're like this guy is fucking phenomenal. But when you put him up against someone who's, it's been their whole life, it's just a footwork. It's just different. Yeah, it's just like, but I, yeah.

Did you see him last night? Who? Jake. I did not. So Floyd and his whole money team, they were all, everybody was at the heat game. So outside the arena, Floyd and the money team like run up on Jake Paul withul with like 20 dudes and jake

he stands there for a little while and then he literally just turns and fucking runs like full blown sprint why do they want to beat up jake paul because some floyd and logan fought and when that was happening jake was talking shit he snatched his hat off his head oh okay well so that was real you think well so this so i did my video on it today and i was like there's three ways you can look at it through the lens of like internet tough guy we have beef and we're talking shit turning around and running away you're going to be called a pussy right then there's the real life lens he jake went on instagram and was like i'll fight you one-on-one anywhere i'm not going to get jumped by 20 dudes yeah like i'll run from that every time i'm a i think i'm tough and i can fight but i'm not going to get jumped and then dudes. I'll run from that every time. I think I'm tough and I can fight, but I'm not going to get jumped.

And then there's the third way you can look at it, that these two know exactly what they're doing and they're inevitably going to fight and spar and make $100 million. Yeah, see, that's the thing. So you never know with these guys. It could all be full-blown scripted or it's like a wink-wink scripted, like, hey, if we run into each other, let's gas it up a little bit. You never know. The jumping is sneaky fun.

Getting jumped. other let's gas it up a little bit you never know the jumping jumping is sneaky fun getting jumped i i got jumped okay once yeah when i was like in middle school yeah and it was like i was walking home and there were probably like five kids and it was right by the cemetery in fall river on highland i was a robinson street i think technically whatever and um like four or five kids and they're like kind of like surrounding me and i was like this is gonna go bad by the way i just want to say i'm sure you've talked about it before it's a cool sweater but like four or five kids, and they're like, kind of like surrounding me, and I was like, this is going to go bad. By the way, I just want to say,

I'm sure you've talked about it before, it's a cool sweater, but that is borderline a woman's sweater. It is. It's right on the cusp, which I like, but it's just, it needs to be said that that could be an old woman's sweater. It's on the cusp the other way.

It's a woman's sweater that's bordering on men's. This is a women's sweater. It's Taylor Swift's sweater. My sister had it, it's Taylor Swift from Cardigan, and my sister had it women's sweater. It's Taylor Swift's sweater. It's Taylor Swift from Cardigan and my sister had it made for me. It's modeled after a woman's sweater. It looks legit, but

it's just like, you're fully wearing women's clothes. You know what's funny? The first time you came in here, you said I was wearing a woman's sweater. The very first time. The very first time I come in, I'm going to wear a woman's sweater. I'm going to kill myself on the show. That's how we end it. Listen, but as far as getting first time I come in, I'm going to wear a woman's sweater. I'm going to kill myself on the show. That's how we end it.

Listen, but as far as getting jumped, like I was thinking if I was Jake Paul, I would probably run away too because it's just like, I'm a businessman and I don't want to get my face caved in. But also, if he just stood there and took his beating,

like you're not going to die, right? So you're going to get beat up and you're going to take some lumps. God willing, you don't break any bones or like, you know, hurt your eyes or anything. And then afterwards, it's not going to die, right? So you're going to get beat up, and you're going to take some lumps. God willing, you don't break any bones or hurt your eyes or anything. And then afterwards, it's going to be like, yo, Jake Paul took a fucking beating like a man, and Floyd's a bitch for jumping him. You know what I mean? It's almost like you're going to lose.

You're not going to lose in the long run. As long as you don't get your head caved in. How old were you when you got jumped? Middle school. That's also like no one's going to really do damage. And we were on like a fairly. You guys don't have pubes yet. We were on a fairly main street.

So I knew someone was going to stop and break it up pretty quick. Exactly. But I was just standing there and I was like. I was like, I don't know. Like, let's just. What did you get jumped over? I don't even. Wearing women's sweaters.

Being the first overly gay kid in school. Like it wasn't. Gay bashing. I didn't even know the kids. It was just like. It was just like random act of violence? I was just standing there and I was like, okay.

And just fucking punch one kid in the face and then turtle shell. I do like that. I'm going to get at least one of you. I'm going to hit one. Yeah, I do like that. And he fucking like, and then bang, bang. I took like five, ten hits

and then someone was like honking horns what the fuck are you doing right again we were kids so he started running away my my dad had the same philosophy he got jumped uh he was older he used to like i think i think he fought frequently and my dad used to be uh kind of run wild he got he always told us the story this guy uh his name was champ wolford i was like that going to beat the fuck out of you. That's like Viv Tannen. You are the bully in the movie. And he said he stomped on his head with Timberland boots.

But he was like – it was the same thing, a bunch of dudes. And he was like, I'm going to get one of you. And he tagged one guy and then got it. The ship beat out of him. He's like, I got you though. I think that's a good philosophy though to say even if – because that will make somebody think twice about hitting you. Even if you don't win, it's just like if I knew, all right, I'm a bully and I can beat you up, but you're the guy who's always going to hit me at least once or twice, I'm going to be like, I don't want to deal with that. Bullies always bank on you're not going to do anything. Not going to hit at all.

But if you just hit them once, that's usually enough to be like, all right, I'm going to back off. There's a school of 400 kids. Don't take his word for that, folks. Someone's going to get eaten by a shark. Chris, he told me. I've said this to you a lot recently, but I want to say it formally on the show. I think you are already on your way to hitting the next, next level. And I think you might already be there or like you're already going.

But like when we first got introduced to you, you were like on the way up. And then over the years, you've really like solidified yourself with Hey Babe and Chrissy Chaos. You went on on your own. Obviously, things have been going well. But between the TV show and the multiple Rogan appearances, selling out Radio City, adding the Hulu Theater, we've been doing it long enough where you can just see when certain people are really hitting the next gear, and it's your time, baby. You think? I'm so happy for you.

I fucking know because I can see those glasses. You look so fucking hot these days. Dude, when I fucking – What does this kid say? Do I look hot? I think you look great. I saw you on Rogue and I was like, those are some fire glasses. The question was, am I hot? Yes.

There it is. We're working on him being gay. He's new. He's still straight. Put on Final Work sweater. I remember when I saw the Instagram you buy in those glasses. I know. And I was like, damn, those are some unique glasses.

I don't know if he's going to pull those off. And then the next day I saw him, I was like, god damn, he pulls those off. Well, here it's become a thing now where they've been almost like I don't put them on, they put themselves on me. Because I'm like, don't wear them today. Don't wear them today. And then I was leaving this morning. I was like, I'm doing fucking KFC. I got to put them on.

We got to do it. We got to put them on. And then, so it's every day. I'm like, just Chris, not today. You don't have to wear them. Don gotta put them on. I gotta put them on. So it's every day, I'm like, just Chris, not today. You don't have to wear them. Don't do them today. And then every day they're just on my face and I don't even realize. You sneeze and they're there. I'm gonna attempt to just

go week on, week off. It's been getting wild. Now I'm wearing zip-up sweaters. Oh, you're dressing. You're getting fits off. I was dressed like a guido in like 1948. I went so old school and they were like what are you doing like i did hey babe with that and sal dude by the way sal is like the most supportive guy he's like because i like you know a lot of times i'm going to be like i'm losing my mind i got the glasses on i got this sweater i mean what the fuck am i doing who do i think i am yeah and he's like no

no you just be who you are. Go accept this. He was like, this is a phase. It's a beautiful phase. Accept it. Just do it. He was like, you always say go hard or go home. He was like, there you are. You're going hard.

Yeah, you're going hard. It's not just the glasses. You've lost weight, right? Intermittent fasting. Yeah, this was intermittent fasting. So you look good. The fits have been good. It is a phase. You're going through.

But I don't think it's a phase, actually. I think it's just the next level. Because I don't think you're going to phase out of this and go back to dressing lame. Oh, yeah. There's no going back. There's only going up. Speaking from a man in a girl's sweater. Once you do this shit, you do not go back.

Listen, the fit you had at the premiere party, that soft leather jacket. You had a little mock neck underneath. You had the chain, the glasses. I was like, oh, I want to fuck this guy. People were like, where'd you get that? All these fancy stores. I don't even know. I was like, I got it from Zara. I went to the Staten Island Mall. They only sell that jacket in the Staten Island

Mall, Zara. It is like a classic. That's why your staff member left. She was like, he went to Zara? Fuck him! I thought he was doing better. What is the story of the glasses? Did you see them in a store somewhere? Did you order them? Was it a gag that became real? What's the deal?

What happened was I have a show on Vice TV. It's called Super Maximum Retro Show. It's all about 70s, 80s, 90s vintage stuff. So it's cool. So Jimmy Kimmel is the executive producer of it. So to promote the show a couple of weeks ago, they invited me to do sit on like the couch on Jimmy Kimmel's show, which is for a stand-up. That's different.

You do stand-up. It's great. But when you're on the couch, it's just totally – you're like a real – I guess. For sure. Stand-up, you are and you aren't. It's like nobody cares. Like we make it a bigger deal in our heads, it's like it's basically it doesn't mean anything it used to but now you're going on any of those late night shows and it's like you did your five

minutes and nobody remembers where the couch still to this day it matters yeah so so i was thinking you know we're promoting the show i'm you know i i've i've at least over the last three months i've been chrissy glow ups i said so i'm the new Lizzo. So I said, so let me try. Let's just try to take a fucking swing, and let's just try to glow up on this guy's show. So I went. I shout out my boy Giovanni Brasciani. That's his real name.

That's not like you put it. Remember those old name generators back in the day? An Italian name generator. It sounds like a palindrome. It sounds like you can it Remember those old Like name generators Back in the day Like an Italian name You know what It sounds like a palindrome It sounds like you can say it Backwards and forwards Giovanni Bresciani

No shout out Giovanni Bresciani He's got a great suit store In Astoria Go get suits From my man Giovanni Bresciani And we went to Archbishop Malloy together And I said

You know I need to get a suit I want this look He was like I got you cuz That was the blue one? That was the blue and gold. White turtleneck. Brown shoes. Blue and brown always plays.

I also like that, you know, not a full suit and tie. It's a little bit casual but also you look great. Mint. And then I said, the thing that I'm going to need, though, to complement all this, I want some like 80s frames glasses. So, you know, Robert Kelly. You know, guys, I'm sure you know Bobby Kelly. Oh, he's the glasses king, right?

Glasses king. So I asked him, where do you get, because his glasses are dope. He goes, got to go to this guy, Anthony Aiden, down on St. Mark's, Anthony Aiden Optical in the East Village. I said, I'm going in. Made an appointment, went in, told Anthony exactly what I wanted. He was like, I got you. And he gave me these. me these Stanley Kubrick frames. Stanley Kubrick used to wear these when he was directing movies in the 80s.

So he was like, I got you with their transition lenses. So it's actually practical. When I'm driving in the sun. Chrissy old man over here. They're actually practical. I don't have to take them off in the sun. Well, that's the thing. That's the thing is I've realized because initially, because initially when I started getting the glass,

when I started wearing the glasses, the first question was like, oh, are they prescription? And I said, no, because I'm truthful. But then I realized they were like looking like, oh, this guy's just wearing glasses. So now I tell everyone they are prescription. I'm going to have to wear them. No matter what, you are an asshole kind of when you wear glasses and you don't have to. Yes. Like it started out, I remember like probably like a decade ago now, all like the NBA players started showing up wearing glasses when they didn't have to wear glasses you don't have to yes like it started out i remember like uh probably like a decade ago now all like the nba players started showing up wearing glasses when they didn't have to wear

glasses and i remember being like who do i think i am russell westbrook i gotta fucking wear glasses if i don't need glasses right but now it's kind of allowed but it still makes you go oh okay i had i had the i want to uh get my eyes checked kind of deal. And he was, the doctor was like, there's coming these. Yeah. Right. Dude, I got good reflexes. I play, I play fast,

bro. And, uh, the, the, uh, he's like, he's like,

honestly, you don't need glasses, but like you can have the weakest, you know, I guess prescription possible. And I was like, yeah, I'll take those. And I wore them to the office. This is back at as it's a prescription. And I was like, yeah, I'll take those then.

And I wore them to the office. This is back at the old office, HQ2. And everyone was like, you know, at the time, there were like 12 employees. And everyone's like, Jesus Christ. Like, what the fuck is a final? Those aren't real. And I was like, no, they're real.

They're prescription. And everyone would put them on. They're like, these are not the weakest prescription possible. Like, these aren't prescription. I was like, they literally are prescription, but they're also not prescription fuck it i know but then i kind of got over that i talked to my dad you should you should get over because my dad cares because you know because i was talking to my father a couple

of days ago and i was like uh he was like how's everything going i was like yeah talking whatever and then somehow it comes up i was like yeah jazz is like she's like oh who you know your fucking ego now you got glasses you got a chain you got a watch now and i was like you know what am i supposed to say he goes you know what you're supposed to do go buy another pair of glasses another watch and another chain that's what i would do let's go he goes she's mad at it because you know what chris she looks good yeah so but that's why my dad's divorced your father and your mother had a great relationship yeah yeah but yeah it did kind of make me feel like i am gonna do it and uh but but but i you know i kind of feel like um that's why i did it and and you know put the

suit on the glasses and i like the way i look but just because i am i'm not used to you know dressing nice and i am just an idiot and this is why you know like if i was an actor right the actors oh it totally everything works it's boom that's why you're an actor there's also uh people expect it right you're supposed to have a stylist and a listen to that when you're an actor with a comic yeah there's always something that makes you a comic that you that you don't even realize like i'm not you know we try to be funny but then i think the thing that makes a real comic a comic is the things that just naturally happen to you because my aura is just like shit happens to me and that's what I talk about.

I go, I feel like a fucking million bucks in this suit. I feel good. And then I go, you know, a little nervous, of course, go out live, you know, on the show. I sit down in the couch. It's like my first time. They're telling me like, you know, sit down slow, like whatever.

I just fucking buzz in, right? I go and sit down. If you watch the video, if you watch the show, I sit down and my jacket comes up like this. So the whole video, my jacket is up like this. The sleeves are up to here. I have this chain is wrapped around the turtleneck sleeve. It looks like my jacket's up.

And I'm like this, sitting the whole time like an absolute asshole. Giovanni Brusciani, his first. Wait, let me read the text. Giovanni. Sitting like a fucking asshole. Giovanni Brasciani, his first... Wait, let me read the text. Giovanni... Sitting like a fucking asshole. I love Jagged. Giovanni Brasciani, he texts me.

He goes, cuz, you looked amazing and you killed it. When you double fist pumped on the end before you sat down, the sleeves got stuck. And as you were talking with your hands, they kept riding up and it looked way too short. He goes, but actually it's my fault. Cause I should have known. He goes, I should have had you wrote up when you,

cause I knew you use your hands a lot. I didn't factor that in. And I said, and I said, this is an architect. I said, it's all good, brother.

You can't factor in the chaos. It's crazy. Yeah. But, but, but so I always think like, you know, and even like, even if, you know and even like even if you know with things that are happening in my life

now I'm like I'm just staying positive I'm just staying like the wolf man it's the wolf feed the good wolf you know did Rogan doing all these things you know that week was a big week it was Kimmel it was Rogan I did Tom Segura it's gonna come out out a couple of weeks.

And I was like, you know what, man? Like, I'm not going to doubt myself. I'm not going to be like, well, this is only happening to me because of blah, blah, blah. I was like, just fucking live in the moment. There's one reason why this is happening to you. Because you've been doing it for fucking your whole life. Yeah, it's a long time. And you're killing it and you're talented.

Yeah. Like, that's also the thing about, unless you are a comic who, like, you got hot on TikTok in the pandemic and you you know got the express track those people don't necessarily deserve it i'm a believer of like if you get there you get there fuck it yeah but most people when they make it in comedy like 100 deserve it because they put in hours and miles and yeah bombing and like so it's like there's no way you can be like oh this is just i got lucky or this is a flash in the pan. It's like you put in your hours until the tipping point happened and it's here.

And I do think there is some vibe in comedy and it will always be this way. If you're fat, if you're ugly, if you look weird, it's funnier because it just is, right? It just is, yeah. And you're like the only guy who's super fucking hot and stylish and all that shit and pulling it off. So it's like double. Well, I think you two are hot. Yeah, but we're not on your level. But here are two good things.

One is balance. I like that things happen sometimes the way they happen because all these tickets are selling in New York and all over and I'm so happy. But it's like the day – like I have all these shows happening, Radio City, adding shows, all that. But then like next week I'm at a place called The Ranch in Fort Myers, Florida, and like 40% of the room is sold. You know? That keeps you balanced. But that's what's – I'm blessed to that because guess what?

I was in the Comedy Cellar all night last night. I'm in the Comedy Cellar tonight because I'm like, hey, dude, you haven't fucking done shit yet. You sold a few tickets in your home city. Anybody can do that i'll tell anybody can do that that's what i'll tell myself so we keep working but the other thing is is who you surround yourself with so like having sal doing the show with sal volcano is great because he's done all this oh yeah so and he and he's and he's told me he's like dude this is all happening to you you got to stay in the present because all this stuff only happens for the first time once so these things are happening to you now he's like and you got he's like because the worst thing that happened is if

you because like my father had told me and it was good advice that i didn't take but he goes we sold out you know radio city and and uh you know so happy whatever and it only took like 10 days so so that was like big so i told my dad and the show's not till september and he goes great chrissy he was like but don't you shouldn't add anything else. He goes, it's what you do. One show. Yeah, yeah. We were yelling about it.

We do one show at the Wilbur. We're not adding a second one because it's not going to sell out. One show. So he goes, remember, just do one show. He goes, you know, we're going to go out to dinner that night. You know, your daughters will be there. Your family will be there.

He was like, just let's celebrate this one. Now he said, you got six months of no stress. So he was like, we're so happy for you. I knew you were going to do it. So like, it's celebrate this one now he said you got six months of no stress so he was like we're so happy for you i knew you were gonna do it so like it's great so i said amazing i and i said amazing and i really i honestly hung up that phone was like i love my dad yeah about 45 minutes later my agent called he was like chrissy i i mean this thing sold out in 10 days i was like i know it's amazing i just feel so good that it's over and we could take a deep breath he goes i know man he goes i i took a deep breath too he goes here's the thing and then i took another breath he goes uh the theater at msg was wants you to do a show there the next time

just make this like a like a new york night he said because if you sell out the theater at msg well then the people it's all the same buyers then you sold that radio city then you sold the theater msg then what's the next step then they maybe put you to the big one maybe they put you to msg which is my ultimate goal which is most comics ultimate goal but being a new yorker that is like my goal right and so i was like um i was like uh you know my one has you know good wolf is saying listen to your dad he's never seen you wrong bad wolf's like go do it go do it eat ass on stage do it. Go do it. Eat ass on stage. Do it, do it, do it. He's like, you're going to get to MSG, Chrissy. So I said, I literally was like, let me just think about it.

I said, let me think about it. He go, just give me a day. I said, just give me a day. Hung up the phone. And then I said, what am I doing? I said, what am I doing? I pick up the phone. I call him.

I said, book it. And then, and now, and here's the thing. Here's the thing, is initially, because when you, you know, Radio City is such a big thing and then all the fans bought right away. And then the next show, it's, I don't care who you are. The second show and third, fourth show, they all, they sell out, but it's never the same speed.

It's always like, it's, this is how life works. So they're selling, but it's not the same speed. And for a day, I was like, with my manager being like, what's the numbers? Like, the counts, whatever. And then my dad just like, that's what's cool about my dad is instead of him being like, see, I told you so. He's like, you did what you did. All good. He goes, let's just find a way to sell out this one.

I'm supporting you. He goes, but you have to take. He goes, I want you to take like at least a weekend, which was last weekend, to say you're not looking at the ticket sales for MSG because you're going to celebrate Radio City. He was like, don't fast. Don't do anything. Just take time. Just literally – and you know what? I took 48 hours to do that and now I don't care if – I don't care what –

Whatever the numbers are. Because the win is Radio City. Also, I don't – I subscribe to the one show thing, too. I get it. I don't like doing two in a day. One a day. But just even in general, something like Radio City is big enough that you would never have set out saying, my goal is to do two Radio Cities.

You always start out with one, and then you achieve your goal, and you should just enjoy it. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you did, though. I think it's ambitious. It might not always be the smartest play. But who knows? What if, I don't know, something goes wrong in the next few months and then Hulu Theater never comes around again? What if they change management and they don't like you?

Then you're the asshole who passed on an offer and a chance to do the Hulu Theater. And by the way, it will sell. You have a long time to go and even if it's not a full sell out it's going to be a big full room and you're going to kill it

and they'll probably want you for the main stage one day yeah it's already it's already like on it's way so it's all good no but

you'll always be worried about taking sales well the thing is you'll always keep going you know I get like mad then you'll be like oh I'm going to sell

a giant stadium and my dad is like great like life advice but, you know? I get like mad. Then you'll be like, oh, I'm going to sell him a giant stadium. And my dad is like great, like life advice. But then, you know, when you have, I have a great agent. He's a great guy. His advice was, no, but you have momentum now. Right. That's what I mean.

This is your prize. You told me your goal is Madison Square Garden. That's what it is. He said, I'm telling you, I've been doing that. He has a lot of high profile clients. You know, I'm one of his lower ones. He's like, this is the route to get you there. So take it. He was like, it's a necessary risk. Yeah. He was like, you know, you fucking one of his lower ones. He's like, this is the route to get you there. So take, he was like,

it's a necessary risk. Yeah. He was like, you know, you fucking. And it's, it's not a risk. Yeah,

it's not a risk. What can go wrong? All right, maybe you play in front of a room that's a little bit empty. I don't know. Yeah. It's not like your career

is going to be ruined. Yeah, I saw fucking Coco Melon at the Hulu theater. So now I'm taking, you know, I took my kids to see Coco Melon. What's Coco Melon?

It's like a kid's thing. It's like a, you know, Peppa Pig. Kid's show, yeah. They're selling out the theater. Yeah, Coco Melon. What's Coco Melon? It's like a kid's thing. It's like a Peppa Pig kid's show. They're selling out the theater. Coco Melon sells way more tickets than that. Disney on Ice is fucking raking in money. But I think what I'm learning though at what's happening, just like life, entertainment,

is you have to purposely say, I'm going to enjoy this and i'm just going to sit and enjoy because what will happen is you'll always be looking then for the next thing and then your life or career will go by and you didn't enjoy any of it i so i i know that and i acknowledge that and i just forgot not listen to it i know all i do is stress and compare and balance and i don't i don't think you would ever even get here if your personality was to just, like, you can't just sit and soak it in. You got to keep going. Yeah. Because the people who rest on their laurels are the people who, the comics who have been doing the same act for 10 years.

Yeah. And they get dusted because it's like you got, you know, fat, dumb, and happy. And there's a balance, and we're probably unhealthy on the other side, but I'd rather be unhealthy in the right direction than the wrong direction. Yeah. It's like when a football player hits somebody in public, you're like, what did you think they were going to do? That's all they, that's what they, that's what, they don't turn it off. Your brain is broken, man.

You got this hammered into you for the last 20 years. That's what it is. That woman's hair was shaped like a helmet. Now, how much of this recent success do you attribute to getting off social media? Is that happening because of or alongside of or is it a coincidence or is it cause and effect? If I'm being completely honest, I think that from my career, from my body, from my relationship with Jasmine, my relationship with my family, my relationship with my daughters, I don't think any of that is in the place it's in today if i'm still on social media i think that that just from being someone who's been off it for six months now the it oh you're cold turkey off off i don't have i don't i don't well i have a guy who loves it so i

understand like it's fortunate to do that i know not everyone can do that but i can do that and and i said you know what i'm going to pay a guy to do it. I know not everyone can do that, but I can do that. And I said, you know what? I'm going to pay a guy to do it. But what I did was I said, I'm not going to pay him to do it and then still have access to it. I basically pressed the fucking destroy button. I said, you don't change the password. Don't tell me. I don't have it.

I don't. I have zero. So what I can, I have a family Instagram account that's private. That's got 30 phones. All my friends and family. All I'm seeing is my, my children, their children. Like it's what you still get the like you're on you're on because because sometimes i think about what would i literally do if i didn't have the app on my phone what i do what i do with that is and i've been good with it is i check it once a day either in

the morning or the night you get to check it once and what i do is just you know whatever i'll give myself maybe like 90 seconds i check my account but i i'm as if i'm you know a fan i have no access to it just to make sure that whatever i told it was posted was spelled right the links are working whatever so just sitting there reading comments not once not once no dms there's no way to get in touch with me unless you're my friend or family or you have my number smart way to go so so i've cut off i kind of i think i would carry around that energy of something some stranger said online whether it be positive or negative it would affect my personality in a negative or positive way and now i only i only take criticism or i only take anything whether it's positive or negative from someone who i'm actually in their physical presence i believe like social media is like another realm that I don't have anything to do with

anymore. So it doesn't affect me because a lot of people say, the one thing I've learned, the one thing I felt is I hear a lot of people saying, man, I wish you would go back in time or like even with this, my super maximum retro show, a lot of the people will be like, man, life was so much better back then. You know, the nineties, it was so much better. And I live in the nineties because I'm not on social media. When you're off social media, you're like, oh, it's the 90s it was so much better and i live in the 90s because i'm not on social media when you're off social media you're like oh it's the same as it was 20 years ago it doesn't matter there's no real problems it doesn't there's no race fucking issue there's no

violence it's just political bullshit everything's just no political bullshit yeah there are problems and if it happens to you in your physical space then you deal with right but it's not a lot of the shit you're seeing and feeling has nothing to do with you. Totally. But you're making your identity. And I learned that. And I feel like that's – because a lot of times I would not only compare myself to others, but I would compare myself to me. I would compare me to me. And both those things would depress me because you would forget that either you're seeing

someone who you believe is better than you or you're seeing yourself six months ago that you think is a better version of yourself because you forget that you have the perfectly crafted picture or video or statement, whatever you did. And now I literally just compare myself to yesterday and that thing of like just trying to get better day by day. That's what I do. And dude, I've never, I mean, I think I weigh 210 pounds. I haven't weighed that since fucking, I was 20 years old.

So it's just, and feel good. So like you're taking a car somewhere. You're stuck in traffic. Right. You got your phone. What do you do? You sit there? What I found myself doing more in the car because I think there is a –

and I don't think even six months is not long enough because I would always be like – those dopamine hits like on social media. What are people saying? What I do now is I realize like I'll be driving for you know 10 15 minutes get bored and instead of checking the phone i call somebody just yeah yeah yeah which which that you know i should i have to get better at just having alone at just being comfortable being alone but i think it's better than instagram sit around listening to your own thoughts is crazy crazy nobody could do that yeah i mean twitter getting off twitter i think has had the most positive impact because once in a while my social media guy will just show me you know he'll

be like dude like it's just like crazy like the experiments like you'll i'll have the same post one on tiktok one on instagram one on twitter and you'll see all the negative yeah on twitter yeah mostly positive mostly positive actually on Instagram and then TikTok is usually a little bit in between a lot of it is bots but it's weird and then Facebook

is almost all positive really? yeah Facebook is like exclusively positive no shit I get back on that shit and so you're like wow like this is like

there's people that go around and they make like this their identity they're not even living in reality like it's a different like I truly believe I'm sure you guys

have said this before on the show, I truly believe the way we look at cigarettes 50 years ago is the way we'll look at social media. Dude, literally exact back comparison. And my daughter, she's seven now, social media is not cool to kids anymore. They see what it's doing to their parents or older siblings. My kids are always like, put your phone down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was saying that it's actually very depressing when your kid says that to you. I know, I know. It cuts to your core Yeah Because like it's And you just think about

Your relationship with your parents Anything your parents did Was uncool So like kids growing up And seeing you You're like That's a fucking You guys use social media

You guys are on your phones all the time That's fucking lame It's like how I saw my dad Reading the newspaper I'm like dude That's fucking lame dude All you do is You read seven newspapers a day

Yeah And Louis C. CK came on my Chrissy Kaz podcast and gave me great advice it's a specific comedy but I think it can apply to real life he was like you know you don't want to be king of the algorithm that's the last thing you want in your life he said because what are you doing if you're putting out

a version of yourself that's feeding this algorithm that is just this fucking math equation in the sky that's not real that's not a human being what you're going to do is, yeah, maybe it'll go viral. Maybe that'll sell you more tickets. Maybe that'll get you more accolades. But it will be that version of yourself that you've made the algorithm like. You may not like that version of yourself, but the algorithm likes it.

So that's what you put out. So then when the people come and see you at your show, they're going to want to see that algorithm version of you. And if you give them the real you, they may be like, oh, this guy sucks. Not to mention, they also just flip the algorithm. And then what? Yeah, that's it. They change the algorithm. We get emails all the time from our social team being like,

our social head. And it's like, no, this has changed. And I've never done it. And I like to use that in my head as a crutch where I'm like, I'm doing it because I'm real to me. I'm doing it because they changed the algorithm. If we're being honest with each other, I'm doing it because I'm lazy and I don't want to do it. But there is a part of it that is –

It ends up becoming Drew after the fact. I mean we've been doing it for 15 years. I've been doing it for 15 years. Dave's been doing it for like 25 years. Twitter, social media, all that shit came in around like what? I think like seven eight nine we were on it like nine ten eleven whatever and since then they've added apps they've changed the rules they what you can say what you can't do and we've always just like

played by their rules and i mean i personally i get everything you're saying and i think it's great we also like are on the internet and i for me to like completely cut it out i think would almost be like cutting out work for me uh so like i think you could put a barrier up yeah totally i need to i need to have like rules to it but i'm like i think there's a a balance of like if you're going to be successful in the modern world you probably got to play by the rules a little bit right but yeah when you're like you know well they well you can't say this anymore you can't say that anymore it's like well what are going to be able to say? What's left to say?

Well, I think now what's happening, though, is – They have to blur out every curse word now on TikTok. I was thinking about that. They have to sit there and blur out every fucking time we say fuck, fuck, fuck. I told a story the other day about when I had to put our dog down. Whatever. But anyway, I posted the clip, and I was thinking. I was like, I can't say kill. I can't say this.

I can't say any of it. So goddamn fucking stupid. This is not how I talk. FYI, you're putting your dog down. Fuck you. That's not how I talk. It doesn't sound like me. It's fucking stupid.

Well, I thought, and when I got off social media, I thought, oh, well, I said to myself, even if this affects my ticket sales, even if this affects my career, it's good for me. It's good for my family. I'm going to do it. But it's actually just been the opposite. It's the career has been like – Well, you've also been – I think you – to be fair, I think you did it at a point where like you're good. You're set.

Yeah. Yes, but – Like, hey, babe, increasing chaos. We're cruising. There's really no slowing you down right now. Yeah. But I think that – i think that i just thought like put it this way if you're like a young up and comer right now and you really want

to make it you probably got to play by the rules a little bit i think i think unless you are extremely talented and everybody word of mouth is gonna like you know what i mean like you i think it's like any addiction though like or or any any illness where you think about it like i mean and a million comics have told the story before where you're if you're depressed and you think like if i get better maybe i won't be funny you're an alcoholic and you're like if i if i cut out maybe i won't have like i won't be as funny like you know all these things i won't be as successful and you're like this is like my essence this is what it is it's like no it's a it's a problem and you know what happens and you'll be a totally

different person that maybe which will make you better which makes you better that's why i feel blessed to have like a family because like being a comic is like the fourth, third or fourth thing about who I am as a human being. It's like people are like, I got to be the greatest comic ever. Go for it. I could give a shit if I'm the greatest comic ever. I could care less. I just want to be a good dad and a good family member. So I'm like – so when you do that, I'm like, well, if they don't sell, fine.

If I don't get followers, I don't care. It's like we're happy. We have what we want. That's – my peers who it's like comedy is their identity. It's fine whatever your circumstance is. But like in Japan, they have such a high suicide rate for when people retire because they make their job their identity. And then once you take that away, you're like, well, now what am I? So it's like you got to be careful about like not putting all your eggs in one basket in life you know that's why i'm going with the glasses

what's his fucking name the penn state guy i think his name jerry sandusky paterno when he lost the right away yeah right away yeah that's like that's the japanese man does yeah yeah well what about there was a story once i read football can't rape kids i'm out of here i'm out of here well after the cubs won the world series like 10 percent of the elderly population over 95 died immediately you know how many do you know how many books were written in boston in 2005 called now i can die in peace like shaughnessy wrote one bill simmons wrote one it's like dude my grandfather was i do i remember like 2002 talking to my grandfather and he's like i just we were like cleaning out his basement because he was getting old and he couldn't live in his house anymore. And a dead serious conversation.

He was just like, I just can't. I can't die without seeing a world series. Did he make it? He did make it. He's still alive right now. I was going to say, as soon as they caught that last night, he shot himself in the head. He was like, yeah! You want to hear a funny but terribly sad story?

We put out a podcast the other day. And John told the story he was talking about, the clip he put up. His family dog was sick. Okay. They brought him to the vet to put him down. Would you get the booster? Myocarditis.

Fauci's a criminal. It was like later in the day, And the guy who does it was like It's actually a woman A woman Sexist Come back on Monday Because I You know

I just can't do anymore today So they took the dog home For the weekend And over the weekend Like she came back alive Okay Three more years The dog lived

Wow So he put out a clip Being like Just FYI You're probably killing your dogs Way too early Yeah That day

Our co-worker here Had to put down their puppy. Their puppy? Like weeks. Like right away. John put up a clip. I was like, you've got to be kidding me. Like, hey, if you're killing your dog, you're a murderer. And then we see the post from him, and it's got piano music, and it's like our angel in the sky.

And I was like, oh my god. It's as bad as timing as you could possibly have. There was a blog written angel in the sky. And I was like, oh, my God. It's as bad as timing as you could possibly have. There was a blog written back in the day. This is old school Barstool. And people who know what I'm talking about will know who wrote it. I'm going to leave names out. This is a bad one. And it was posted at like 9.30 a.m. about how breaking news and telling someone news.

And it's a true blog. Telling someone news is one of the greatest feelings of all time. Have you heard? Not even with gossip, with anything. Have you heard? No, I haven't heard. It's like, oh, sit down. I got something to tell you.

Good news. Bad news. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. It could be a tragedy. When you know and someone else does it and you break that news, you get a rush of dopamine. That was posted at 9.30 a.m. 9.35, Sandy Hook. I get everyone. And people couldn't look.30am. 9.35, Sandy Hook. I get everyone,

and people couldn't, people weren't looking at timestamps. People were like, Jesus fucking Christ, did you post that about Sandy Hook? We just shut down the blog for a whole time. The first day of Barstool History, we just said we're not doing anything anymore.

We didn't close it. We were like, yeah, we can't have this up anymore. That was all time. Fucking bad. It was obviously before. It was obviously done before. There was also a time

where somebody wrote a blog about a dead girl. You know that story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's back. He's good. She's still dead. We had some all-time blogs

back in the day. We had Nate. Nate wrote a blog. Stuart Scott's at fucking Bojangles. Oh, my God. Stuart Scott's got a week left. He's dying of cancer. The whole left. He's dying of cancer. The whole world knows

he's dying of cancer. He writes a blog, is it me or does Stuart Scott look like shit? He had no idea. He was like, this guy looks like a bag of shit. What's going on? He's dying of cancer, dude. What the fuck?

I don't know how you didn't know. Was that the headline? Stuart Scott looks like a bag of shit it was it was something comparable if not exactly that it was like i was like holy shit does stewart scott look terrible but yeah he's doing chemo nine hours a day right now oh my god it's hard out here in these streets but sometimes i feel like like i was at the uh i was doing comedy the other night i was a comedy seller the other night and i um you know it was a couple in the front row, like a very just like white – like they were just sitting up, like just very white. And those are easy targets with today is just fucking making fun of white people, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So I'm doing it and then they were saying that they have no kids. And I was like, oh, good. Like I got fucking three kids. Like I never sleep. Like fuck you. I was like, you know what? I hope you fucking – I I never sleep. Fuck you. I was like, you know what? I hope you get cancer. That's what I said to the guy.

It got like a good laugh. And then she was like, he actually has it. I was dead serious. She was like, he actually has it. And then I had a decision. I had a decision, a split-second decision. I was like, what do I do here? Because then it was awkward.

Not awkward, but it was like, you're going to have to say something immediately. Think, think, think. So I just said, you then it was awkward. Not awkward, but it was like, you're going to have to say something immediately. Think, think, think. So I just said, you deserved it. And then people started to laugh. He started to clap. Then I just started fucking going in. I was like, what cancer do you have? And he said whatever he said.

I was like, that's not even a real one. You got melanoma? Get the fuck out of here. I can take melanoma off with scissors, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like bull. And then it was funny because I made a clip and we were going to put it out. But even my social media guy was like, I just don't know about this one.

He's like, I just don't know if this one's worth it, which sucks. And I still might do it. Depends how drunk I get tonight. I still might let it rip. But it's one of those things where the actual person, the actual guy I was making fun of after the show was like, dude, you made me forget about my cancer for 10 minutes. I love this. But it's one of those things where you post something like that and then everybody wants to make everything about themselves. You realize the narcissism in our society.

That's the fucking epidemic. That's worse than obesity. It's like everything's about me always. Cancer is the big one too we've said this for a long time particularly our fans are like like the old barstool making fun of shit and even way back in the day you make fun of cancer

and someone will be like my mom died my uncle died of cancer, my aunt died of cancer yo everyone died of cancer that's what cancer does, it kills old people it's dying of old age most people I know died of cancer I made fun of Hutchinson's disease you's dying of old age cancer is just like the human it's death most people i know died of cancer i wrote i made fun of hutchinson's disease you ever heard of that hutchinson's no it's it was a stupid blog i wrote back in like 2010 the symptoms make you uh act like you're drunk oh yeah yeah it's like the opposite of parkinson's it's like whatever it doesn't even

matter all i know is that the thing said you behave like you're drunk and I wrote a blog being like oh great I'll you know lose some weight I cut out some some money just give me Hutchinson's and blah blah blah and some dude who I know had laughed at like every other thing I've ever written was like you know my grandma has that or whatever and I'm like one person has Hutchinson's disease and you're gonna call me out and you know try to take me down yeah get over it, man. If you laugh at every other one of my jokes or my thing or whatever, and then the one time it applies to you, you're going to get all up in arms? Fuck that.

I'm telling you that. Yeah, that's why I think nobody would ever say anything to you in reality. Nobody would ever. Last night, I was at this charity event. It was a charity team impact with this charity Team Impact. It's an unbelievable charity.

They pair young kids with disabilities with college sports teams. So the college kids know what it's like to be someone who's not doing too well. And so they have this little kid there who's a child on one of the teams. And they're like, would you mind if he interviews you a little bit on camera? Use it for social and all that stuff. And I was like, of course. No big deal. And he's like, first question, he's like,

if you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? And I was like, oh, middleman, that's a good question. Like, where are you from? He goes, New Jersey. And I went, well, it's not Jersey. And I was like, but that's where my doctors are. Good for you, little man. I ain't going.

And then they had told me beforehand, like, he's so fun. Like, he wants to ask you how big your butt is, but we're not going to ask that. Since it seems like a question from his mom. And I was like, at the end, I was like, I heard you wanted to ask me a question that you didn't ask, so I'll ask you. How big's your butt? And then I was like, John, you can't be asking kids how big their butts are. Just be fucking normal for one second, dude. And what did he say?

He got really embarrassed and hid behind his mom. He went, oh. Well, the FBI will be knocking. That is a borderline. I mean, you can't ask a kid that. You can't ask a kid how big your butt is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, come on.

And he whispered it. How big's your butt? Turn the cameras off. How old was he? He was like five. Yeah, five to seven. Very, very young. National.

That's federal. Some guy's asking your fucking kid. How big my, how big his butt is? I'd be like, buddy, are you out of your fucking mind? He wanted to ask me. You're asking a five-year-old kid with Down syndrome? He's five. You're an adult. Yeah. Some five-year-old kid with Down syndrome? He's five. You're an adult.

Yeah. Some five-year-old kid with Down syndrome how big his butt is? I would absolutely punch someone in the face if they asked my kid how big their butt is. What the fuck? Get away from him. Get away from this man. Yeah, I know. Wearing a lady's sweater asking my kid how big his private parts are.

Get out of here. Get out of here. You're sick, fuck. But he didn't answer. He'd be honest. Did his mom have a nice big butt? He died. His mom. You were sick, fuck. But he didn't answer. He'd be on his... Did his mom have a nice big butt? He died. His mom.

You were like, I see you. Colleen's leaving. When does the show premiere? My Vice show premiered last Tuesday. Thanks for watching. We were at the party. I couldn't... Yeah, we were at the party.

He played on the... By the way, that's how I knew. This motherfucker. We're talking before the fucking party. He goes, they told me that they were going to play the premiere. By the way, that's how I knew. This motherfucker, we're talking before the fucking party. He goes, they told me that they were going to play the premiere. They're going to put this show on. And I told him I'm going to leave.

I don't like to watch myself. If it's on screen, I'm going to be crawling out of my skin. I said you can maybe put it on the TV, but make sure that the music is still playing. And that's it. We get to the fucking bar. The screen that I thought was going to be projected for the whole bar that he was worried about, it was one of those old 1980s. The screen was this big, Pat. It was this big.

That's too big. Nobody even could see it. I'll tell you how it was as wide as a VCR is because it was a VCR on TV. That's what he was worried about people seeing. I didn't know that. I thought it was going to as a VCR because it was a VCR and TV. That's what he was worried about people seeing. I didn't know that. I thought it was going to be a big thing. It's the kind of TV you win

at like a public elementary school's PTA fundraiser. You play bingo. Here you go. It's the kind of TV that if you have a show that's in season one on Vice, that's what they can afford.

That's what they were like, hey, buddy, we got you a party. We're going to have it on the TV, but it's this big. Premiered every Tuesday, 10pm Eastern time. I have not gotten the ratings yet. Who the hell knows? Who cares? You said that. It doesn't matter. I had fun doing it.

I learned this after the fact. You know that account, Super 70 Sports? Yes. That's what the show was based on. Oh, really? Because everybody follows that. The creator was there. The guy with the long hair.

Ricky Cobb. The older guy with the long hair? Yeah, he was there. Oh, okay. He is the guy for that. No shit. Dude, it was crazy.

Everybody in our world follows Super 70s sports because it's just pictures of old baseball players and Doc Ellis threw a no-hitter on LSD and these guys

got in a fight. It's like when sports were sports. So everybody follows that and now there's a no-hitter on LSD and these guys got in a fight. It's like when sports were sports. So everybody follows that and now there's a TV show about it. And Jimmy Kimmel just DM'd that guy, Ricky Cobb, like one day randomly and he was like,

is this really Jimmy Kimmel? And he was like, I want to make a TV show about this Twitter and that's how it happened. I'll tell you what, man. I did not know that. As much as we're saying,

you know, you shouldn't chase and you should be happy and all that, getting to that level where you can just be like, here's something I like. Let's make it a TV show.

And it just does. It happens. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, no, Jimmy. So now you're going to have to get the vaccine and play all that if you're running with Jimmy Kimmel, right? I have the vaccine. Of course he does.

Clip that, please. And Djokovic does, too. Yeah. All right. Let's run next door and do Answer the Internet, all right? Let's do it, baby. I know you've got to get out of here. All right.

Yeah, so watch the show. Chrissy Chaos is the podcast. Hey Babe is the podcast. Chrissy Comedy on all the social. Everything, christycomedy.com. But it's not actually him posting. He's a fraud. He's a fraud.

I knew it wasn't you when you put up the carousel of Tuesday night. Yeah. And I'm tagged in one. And I'm like, I'm in the background. You can barely see my face. Yeah. And I was like, I don't tag the person I'm fucking standing here with. Yeah, yeah.

It's too much effort. Yeah. I know DeStefano's not tagged. Yeah, you were like, that is a 25-year-old intern. He just writes, hey, babe, it's me, Chrissy.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. Sure it is. I'm going to start doing it on my text. But yeah, christycomedy.com, Radio City,

Theater at MSG. Go buy the Hulu. Go buy the Hulu. And then also, if you're in the Fort Myers area and you want to come to the ranch on March 16th, we got tickets available.

But Orlando and Jacksonville is sold out, fuckers. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.