KFC Radio - We React to Trump's Assassination Attempt - Full Episode

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 05:55 Jack Slossberg (JFK's grandson): https://www.vogue.com/article/jack-schlossberg-interview 06:32 Trump's assassination attempt 35:50 Gen Z Boss and a Mini Viral Video 36:36 Gen Z Boss and a Mini: https://www.tiktok.com/@tbhskincare/video/7389158368285330689?q=gen%20z%20boss%20and%20a%20mini&t=1721075604629 38:28 Buffet Girl: https://www.tiktok.com/@phillipgarciacomedy/video/7391248795566230826 40:17 Jackie and her boiling water 48:26 KFC is allergic to the sun now 54:53 Game of Stools 59:52 Love Island 01:12:15 Video Voicemails ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Cann: Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code KFC20 for 20% off your order of Cann and a free Roadie 6pk sampler.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Definitely private. Maybe just... I don't want to think funny. Maybe just scared. That was the most honest answer in the history of this podcast. All right. It's another edition of KSU Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. The power that a beard has on a man is unbelievable. It's a paradox, though, because when you're younger

and you learn about the power of growing a beard to hide your double chin and kind of give you a jawline, it's like, oh my God, the beard is the most powerful thing in the world. I think it's the equivalent of a push-up bra or makeup or whatever. And then when you get a little bit older, you learn the power of shaving your beard. I mean, you look like you're 22. You look like when I first met you again.

People are asking you if you dyed your hair. Why do you think I have dyed my hair? It does look a little lighter on the little wispies. No, I haven't dyed any of my hair. I did shave my face. It's a hat, too, I think. Yeah, the whole ensemble is probably a little kiddish. No, I don i mean it's a hat too i think yeah yeah you look like the whole ensemble is probably a little kiddish you look like no i i don't mean it in like a bad way i

mean like you look 10 years younger it looks like you know when you first started working for barstool really yes you have a plus 50 pounds you you put on 50 pounds like muscle dude shut up like i i still i am currently at the point where i look at that middle one right there it's probably so like that's that's probably 10 years ago though yeah it's probably like that's more what you look like seven yeah obviously if you're listening please go to youtube YouTube and watch. Or check out our Instagram. We'll put all these pictures up. But you really got to see the differences of Feidelberg. This is how he has so many doppelgangers.

He also has so many. I look like a million different people. You do. You'd be a great spy. I have no conviction for anything, even my appearance. But it's funny because you take pride in it but it's just always this way look at that one look at that one right no yeah the middle middle row my favorite is going back we should do this every like let's put a date on the calendar

maybe once every other year you gotta give enough time in between and feidelberg is a paradox in himself because you look at him, and it's like, in the moment, I think it's fine. Maybe you push the boundaries of style a little bit, so it's like, oh, that's a weird thing, but it's never like, what the fuck is that guy doing?

But then we look back, and you'll be like, why didn't you guys tell me I look like Benjamin Franklin? And it's like, in the moment, you didn't look like Benjamin Franklin. Now with that haircut, you kind of did. I don't know. But short hair, long hair, beard, no beard. You look great in that

thumbnail with Alex Cooper and Grinnell. That's a good one. I think you look great there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is that? That's not Alex Cooper. That's Kate Ellis. Oh, sorry. I don't know. That old intern, Kat, from a couple years ago? Rings a bell now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now, so then when you get older, like, I probably need to make the decision myself, but I'm between does seeing my double chin look worse than seeing my ratty multicolored beard. I like the point where I have brown, red, a little bit of black, and now I'm getting gray patches. And when you have patchy gray, you look old.

I think you should let the hair go long and get the beard. Because I was actually, I think Grinnell retweeted recently or tweeted out recently a picture of us in Vegas. And it was like the Barstool hockey team in Vegas. They were in Vegas for the draft, and he was like, last time we were in Vegas, we won the Chicklets Cup or whatever. We won the D division of the, it's actually crazy. We won the D division of the it's actually crazy thing we won the d division of the chicklets cup with two division one hockey players

on our team uh scott darling who used to play for the blackhawks and patrick sharp and we played in the d division hall of famer yeah that's funny. But anyway, he tweeted out of those pictures, and I missed it. Because back then, I had the fucking crazy beard. I had long hair. And I was like, coming back, winter 2024. I was going to say, that was COVID times? Yeah, that was probably. It was definitely more recent, Pat.

We both went all out hair and beards COVID times. Yeah. I mean, I had that hockey flip up in the back and everything. Like, that was by far the longest I've ever had my hair. But it makes such a haircut and a beard, either having a beard or shaving a beard, makes all the difference in the world. He tweeted four pictures. There were two better ones, but that doesn't really matter. I mean, from the back of your hair.

That one, I did. Oh! I was like, I missed that. It's also the headband, too, though. It makes this poof out, this poof out, and this in the middle is tight. You look great there. What? I just, oh, my God.

Jackie disagrees. Don't care. I'm bringing it back. Or maybe Jackie thinks you're hot, and she's uncomfortable about it. That would be weird. Oh, wait. Don't care. I'm bringing it back. Or maybe Jackie thinks you're hot and she's uncomfortable about it. That would be weird. Oh, wait. Speaking of hot, I have heard that Roman noses are in now. You know why?

Because of who? Who? Kennedy's grandson. He just did Vogue. All it takes is some guy with a fat nose. He just did a magazine for Vogue and he's got the Roman nose. The Roman nose. It's one of the best marketing tricks ever.

They just take guys with gigantic schnozzes and say it's from Roman emperors. Oh, you liked it? I liked it because I wanted to bring it up. Yeah, he's got a honker on him. Oh, okay. You know what? I saw a viral tweet i didn't know who this guy was and it was just like it was a british person being like we don't have this in

america well we don't have this in england yeah it's like a class of like the roman nose is just if you have a big nose but you're not jewish yeah yeah they have to come up with a different name for it so they call it but he was like he's like it's an academic dress and an attractive man we don't what do you call it in america and someone just quoted and said we call them kennedys but i didn't know it was actually a kennedy that's funny yeah well you're in then babe you're looking young you got a huge honker it's your time to shine. So anyway, the president almost got shot in the head. I mean, truly a... I would say 9-11 takes the cake. And then...

Maybe this? I slept through it. Did you? I woke up at like 8 o'clock, threw a bunch of texts. Wait, yeah, so wait, what time of day was it? I think 6? My man Steve was right on it.

He texted me within like a minute. I was like, yes, let's go. Even the rest of my war team of people who send me things were late on it. Steve was on the ball. The only one I replied to was Tommy Smokes. Tommy was like, I told you. I was like, what are you talking about? Tommy told me that they're going to take the power down at the election day.

And then this he tried to use, and I told you so. What is he, Dante? Dante's level? Dante had himself a field day. This definitely doesn't count as you calling it that the power was going to go out on election day. That doesn't count. That's not even close. What?

I mean, I will say i am uh i mean it in a not funny way but like i'm surprised it took this long i thought by now there would have been some sort of political violence one way or the other uh it's just been a fucking powder keg for so long um if that guy succeeded i mean donald trump's head would have exploded on live television yeah like it would have it would have been laughing but it would have been absolutely bonkers his head would have been gone and i do feel bad that you know that guy uh cory i believe it's compitore is how you pronounce it i'm not sure he's the dad who died who like, the story was he like threw his wife to the ground and then jumped on top of

his daughter to protect her and he died and I think any other time something like this happens I mean, they're doing a GoFundMe and they're raising money and I'm sure Trump's gonna take care of them but usually that guy, you know, ends up being a hero and instead it's obviously being overshadowed by all the political talk and I understand why

but also that guy deserves that guy deserves to be mentioned as much as we're talking politics with everybody else. And I don't know, man. I really do believe in myself as pretty. I'm like really firmly as middle as can be. I know a lot of people say that. But I really do. I wake up one minute and motherfuck Trump. And then I look at Biden.

I think he's pathetic. And that, but I really do. I wake up one minute and motherfuck Trump. And then I look at Biden. I think he's pathetic. And like, I really am in the middle. And I do not think the left handled this very well. How come? I don't know. I think there was. So there was three things that I think were really bad. One was people being like, damn it.

He missed. That was a small like, but like not. I don't think most people said that extreme like i saw one tweet was like look what this seattle reporter said and it's like yeah some person who works the blog was like 300 followers yeah i don't fucking know it's not our seattle reporter i agree with that but then so but to take that a little bit further though there was a congressman who tweeted that biden this is biden's fault you're saying you know and and you do have to be very careful with your words when you're talking on the level that these guys are

talking but saying something like we have to put trump in the crosshairs or put the target on his back or bullseye whatever he used yeah is a very popular euphemism yeah well now i do think you have to you probably do when you reach that level you need someone on your team saying hey boss there are crazy people out there who will take you literally. So maybe let's use a different word. But come on. You can't say that Joe Biden called for this to happen. That's actually the funniest part of all this is that it's very Dave-ish in that, like, how are you coming out on top in this?

I know. It's like you set the fucking theater on fire. You screen fire. And now you're like, hey, everyone, let's calm down a little bit. Yeah, I know. It's like you set the fucking theater on fire. You screened fire. Now you're like, hey, everyone, let's calm down a little bit. Yeah, I know. I know. It's like I completely agree. You're right.

We do have to tone down the rhetoric. How am I agreeing? Like how are you the one who's like getting the high ground here? I know. They're coming out on top every time. It's crazy. And then I thought the worst part of the whole thing was CNN and MSNBC, the left news outlets. Their headlines were like, Trump rally interrupted.

Trump taking, you know, Trump. What do you think? You're like, they're not glorifying it or whatever? No, I just think that's how you report the news. If they're still doing it, that's crazy. But I think people were screenshotting immediate headlines and because yeah you don't know what happened yet yeah and then once you know like and i because i you know i do it's certainly what it sounds like it's

certainly but like right if it went on longer than an hour yeah yeah well i don't know exactly the time frame of it all i think you're right in that um we i mean we've done this every time as a society with the internet anytime something like this happened we rush we get it wrong right we get names wrong we get you know people were saying confirmed the shooter is dead while showing the body of a victim like every every time we get it wrong so you're right you don't want to rush to it i think that's where i think you need to say something like this is like well that's how the news works like you fucking confirm it happened then you say it happened you know a lot of people just saying confirmed it was the footage of they

were kind of like carrying you know by legs and arms like i think it was that guy cory carrying him out and they said every tweet confirmed shooter killed and i was like look like analyze that video it's like think it through it's not yeah like confirmed somebody confirmed a body with blood on it being carried out that's what you can confirm right that's it from that video so that's why i don't think those headlines are that bad like apparently or seeming a seeming assassination attempt again if it went on longer than an hour before you like fucking locked in what if then it's bad reporting i think i don't think that headline i think you need like because think about the opposite think about like if it was reagan when the balloon went off and it's like assassination attempt immediately yeah and

then everyone then the whole world fucking stock market goes crazy but i think you need like yeah yeah yeah that's true there are repercussions for it i think there's some middle ground of like seemingly an assassination attempt. It appears shots fired. Something that at least – if you just saw that headline, you're not doing a good job of reporting the news if that's all that you're taking away from that. You know what I mean? No. Like if you just came across that headline, you would not know really – they did not paint like the picture correctly.

You know? It's just boiling it down to the lowest form of what happened. You can say Trump rally interrupted in what people are speculating is an assassination attempt or something like that. It was just like Trump ushered off stage after being interrupted. I think one of them just said Trump interrupted at a rally. That is crazy. If that's what that is and that and and what you're saying is true i don't think that's what i don't think they were doing it in the name of the news i think they were doing that in the name of like we don't want to glorify this moment i i think i

you know i don't know obviously but i i think that's just how news works and then like the new york times cropped out the picture they cropped the american flag out of his picture where he's got his fist up because everyone like you know obviously that's the like lasting image it's like shit like that where it's like i think you guys are telling on yourselves and you're doing you know that's that that's the one right there it's just like the opposite i guess you could just pick that's the opposite angle but right above that guy is the american flag oh yeah you know to to be like we're we're not going to use that i think it's i think it's more rooted in like everything everything else in this world where it's polarized and it's like my side is losing or this is bad for my side so let's downplay this as much as we can

when you know the news should be like i uh you don't want to you don't want to say like they get excited for it but i feel like uh true like news anchors almost relish the moments where they're like this is this is what i like trained for you know what i mean this is the time to like explain it to the country what's going on here and i feel like instead uh dave was saying on the rundown uh i think ms whichever one has morning joe they didn't air the show because they didn't trust like that the the uh hosts were going to like appropriately cover it that's fucking crazy that's wild and i mean it's not because at this point if you haven't learned that all news but it's also like so i'm like they hate trump yeah so you probably just like wouldn't want them on anyway right yeah

right i mean that's the problem with uh these people becoming so biased is that like when something this happens you're not really able to cover it yeah and it's like you should have been if you cannot be trusted or or you're like we can't put them out there because the audience will be so skewed with their reputation. You've done a very horrible job. That's a very good point. It's like that's the problem. So that was – and to me, it's like this – that was like the culmination of what everybody has been saying.

And if it was flipped, it would be the other way with Fox News. It just happens to be – I mean the Democrats are fucked. I don't think so. I think this is i think this is uh it's a little bit early like there's a lot of time still i think that it might calm down enough you think i think i think it'll calm down enough i think i don't i don't think this is gonna sweat i don't think that they could be fucked already i don't know well that yeah yeah they probably already i don't think i think the problem is and why they are fucked, if Joe Biden's knock was not that he is an incompetent, like physically incompetent person, like this was the opposite of that. You know, this shouldn't technically matter.

But like the fact that in the moment he I would be fucking, you know know hiding under a thing crying and and freaking out and i feel like he handled himself like pretty much like a fucking gangster and i don't think like being a gangster when you get shot at should decide the presidency but when the other candidate is like we think that he was like probably napping when this happened or like you know taking a shit in his depends it's tough when one guy if if if it was was RFK on the other side of things, or who we know he can handle himself physically, I don't think this would play as well as it's going to for the right. But when it's like this guy can't walk or talk,

and this guy in the face of literally his life being threatened was like, I mean, the man's a showman if he's nothing, right? Telling the Secret Service, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean, like. That was nuts. You got it. You know, like, and that's where, like, to me. But my logic is, and this is not backed by science or anything.

The, like, the fact of the matter is he lost by 7 million votes. The fact of the matter is more of his people died than blue people died. Like, conservative is red. I mean, older people are red. And so you're getting more voters. So I don't know. It might be one of those things where, you know, it's like in sports, where it's like they've got all the momentum,

and it's like we just have the better pitchers. That could be. I don't know. Also, that logic is very flawed in the sense that you lost by 7 million votes doesn't really matter in Electoral College. The three states that no one gives a fuck about choose the president. It's like what happened in Wisconsin, New Hampshire, and Ohio. That's all that matters.

Three states you would really never visit. Pennsylvania is a big one. So the fact that it happenedsylvania a little bit too matters but but i i think um i mean and you know it was like right afterwards but i think polls he was like 70 but the polls are kind of my same like with with the again i don't know what i'm talking about this is just like how my logic works polls like with everyone like you polls when you used to call people you like have a discussion yeah and be like well what do you think about this like you're in polls now it's just like well did you call 60 more democrats did you call 60 republicans right that's like you can't trust anything like it happened in 2016 right like hillary was gonna win by a landslide yeah and

then that just happened in france with le pen was supposed to win by a landslide like ended up losing by i think she only got 30 of the vote but it's not yeah that guy nate silver who's like the ultimate 538 like like he was just dead wrong he did like the most analysis and was just like yeah uh but i don't know what's gonna happen to me like yeah nobody does but i i just think that it's like even people who i think i mean even major democrats like you know even like in the celebrity world you got the clonies and pod save america and the obamas and the clintons like if those guys were already turning on biden i think even so people who probably voted for him last time follow that and already started to turn and then if it comes down to like there is something about like you are you physically like capable and especially if you tack on four more years of doing the job.

This is a big boy who can handle himself in the middle of fucking gunfire. Listen, it's not like the 1800s. You're not fucking Teddy Roosevelt, the Rough Rider, like Elon Musk wants him to be. He said this is our toughest president since Teddy Roosevelt. That shit doesn't really matter when you're not the commander-in-chief riding into war. But it kind of matters i was gonna say i don't like i think because of how i don't want to say it's more divided than ever because i don't think it is but like it's been the same guys for 12 years yeah it's a gunshot changing anyone's opinion i would say it it's like i didn't think about this it's not as divided as it always has been i would say yeah like i still think it's at a peak but it's just we just hear about it more because we're all shut the fuck up no

i've gotten like i've like three group texts going crazy um but i don't know i i think uh i think oh strictly because the other the problem with the other candidate is your physical ability like i think showing toughness like would well that's what i with the other candidate is your physical ability like i think showing toughness like would well that's what i think the biggest issue is i think there's a chance that this turn like had him see god because he's referenced god like four times now and he's going to get out on the at the rnc stage and he's going to preach unity and all the mag people are gonna be like they're gay he might lose his people for this i i do think there's a chance he waits when do we know when the convention is i think it's this weekend okay yeah so he's not gonna he's gonna wait and that's gonna be his first moment and

it's gonna be yo but what if he comes out and he's like, we all need to come together. And they're like, fuck it. He's like, get on with shot, Transy, get in. How about that crowd, dude? When he threw his fist up, that crowd, like the people behind him, all like stand up and start roaring. Like, I'm getting my ass out of there bro like you don't know if

there's look at those guys i mean they're all like fuck yeah the route like they i feel like those people if they if they could have agreed to it i think they would have kept the rally going let him stay let him stay like you don't know if there's a second shooter you don't know if there's a a second round coming you know there's a bomb whatever i'd be getting the fuck out of there when he was like wait wait wait wait also his secret service team stinks oh i said that i don't know if they are b squad c squad if they are privately hired if they are the actual like from the secret service or not but i i mean from from a very real point of view of like how does a guy get on a roof with a sight line and all that sort of shit down to this? Like, I don't think this is good either. You use a human shield, but you're standing on stage still.

Took him a while to get to that fucking truck. They reacted like I imagine parents react when the baby monitor goes off and they're watching a movie. We just ignore it. So, I stop. There were like four gunshots you listen on the monitor you go i think it stopped she'll be all right she'll be all right turn it up a little bit uh yeah in reality the baby monitor all it does is just let you know that they're crying at some point. It's like, okay, now I have to ignore this.

I do like also the cop. The cop who saw the kid on the roof. The cop who saw... What do you mean? A cop climbed the ladder and saw the kid on the roof. Right. And this is a report I read. And then the kid turned the gun to point at him and the cop just climbed down the ladder.

He's like, I'm not in the Secret Service. I never made an agreement to lay my life down to the president. Fuck this. I did not hear that one. The officer retreated down the ladder, and Crooks quickly took a shot to his right. That's like – I've referenced this before. I don't think you've seen the movie Celtic Pride, though. In Celtic Pride, a cop walks in the room, and Dan Aykroyd and David Stern, or the guy,

Mar from Home Alone, have the guy tied up in a chair, like, with duct tape on his mouth, and he just goes, this is bizarre. And he closes the door. Imagine you get up, you see a kid laying there with a fucking rifle, and you're like, I haven't seen nothing, bro.

Did you see the... I had an see i had a protected serve but like not all the time this is nuts did you see the see the picture in the video and hear the report that the sniper asked to take the shot and they said no i didn't see that because i i don't know what's real and what's not you know what i mean but i But I did. So there was, there's a shot. There's a video. Oh, that's a 4chan thread. I saw that. Is it? Okay.

It's like, it's some guy on 4chan going, this is me. They told me not to take the shot. There is a video from the other angle and you see the counter snipers on the roof. And they're pointing at what looks like right where the shooter would come from. And, like, you kind of see him, like, turn a little bit and move. And I don't know if he was taking the shot or whatever. But, I mean, you know, this is what's crazy when this shit happens. And, you know, nobody should be surprised. And this always happens with every major event.

But everybody became a bullet forensics specialist. Everyone became a sniper. Everyone became a doctor, knowing about the trauma to the ear. Everyone, I mean, there were people. The ear didn't get shot, right? So that's my favorite part. Glass from a teleprompter hit him in the ear. And he is like, no, no, no, no.

It was a bullet. I'm not trying to do a conspiracy thing. Once they say he got shot, I'll go, okay, he got shot. But he hasn't said it. He he had that one tweet but no one else has said yeah i think it's one of those like i'll let you guys like yeah yeah law enforcement tmz like the tmz report i saw said law enforcement has said it was not a bullet it was likely not a bullet you probably can't tell you know i imagine a bullet from 400 yards does something to the more than More than that.

You know, I mean. But again, I'm not trying to do, like, if they say you got shot, that's fine. You got shot. Well, okay. Right off the rip, the people who are like, those are BB guns. Those are pellets. It's like, I don't fucking know what real gunfire versus that gunfire and silenced gunfire sounds like.

And neither the fuck do you. And then, like, there were two dead people well i guess one dead person from from his firing right and like critically injured and they were like it's bb guns it's like there's a fucking dead person what are you fucking talking about i've shot a bb gun before it's not as loud as that yeah right i mean that's i mean maybe it could be maybe it's not but i i don't know enough and i don't think neither do you but trump being like it was not glass it was a bullet like he is gonna fucking anybody who says that's getting fired um but the uh the um it seemed i don't know it seems like everything i've seen people being like this was not a good job by his security team i mean

obviously if this shit happens it's not good but over the top like that one guy with the trump visor yeah which i i still don't know if we've confirmed if the hair was attached to the visor that's clearly that had to be one of those yeah that's what that's like the funniest part like first of all shane was right like it is the funniest assassination attempt because then you get all this you get that guy in a visor and some dude in like a hillary is a cunt t-shirt being like we gotta got to tone down the political rhetoric. It's getting pretty wild out here. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's you guys. We've been saying it for a long time.

I do hate though, I really hate like, I read the sister of the girl, the daughter of the guy who died posted something um being like you know the media is not going to really mention my dad much but like he was a great guy and all that shit and and then there were there were just people being like still trashing him being like why why why was he at a rally and and if he was alive he'd be one of those people saying that that uh you know it was biden's fault or whatever you know it's like can we just like at least exclude him for a minute please jesus goddamn christ um but yeah i mean one of the all-time like i i was trying to think

of what what it would be like if it happened you know people were showing the debates from years ago yeah it was like also presidential and and stately and and very polite um and i feel like if you know the other candidate got his head almost blown off it would be the reaction from i mean like i don't think biden handled it well either i don't think he really shined in in the moment like um you expect people i expect people like step up in those moments whether it's like news anchors or the president or the people in power where it's like you say some shit that does maybe calm things down or evoke confidence or whatever and it was just like boy everybody sucks and i don't think trump would

do it the other way either i think trump would use you know if it was flipped around trump would just use it to his advantage so i don't think you know he got any credit for either but it's like boy i don't know i mean it is it's very i wouldn't say it's very different but it's it's certainly different with the but like we kind of have a taste of how trump would have handled it which was paul pelosi oh yeah when he got attacked with a hammer in the head with a hammer yeah then he just like sounded like it's this gay lover no i mean trump would have for sure done like a mark walberg he would have been like it wouldn't have been him a year you know like my team would have never let that happen um i i the only good thing to come of

it though if you can call it that is there was only one thing that could have stopped the the gen z boss in a mini itty bitty titty in a in a whatever video that was maybe the most viral uh that had momentum like i've only seen before with i am snacking 28 text messages 28 that's crazy to send in like a 10 minute i think you and i have like flipped it's insane i don't get any texts anymore look that's zero nothing i usually don't it's just like it just happens zero text i don't have a little red thing. That's what I get for going off focus mode. God damn. Oh, wait.

Because I did. I want to get my phone. Because I did forget something. It's something wildly important. And he's just throwing us on the. Oh, no. I'm not reading those. The fact that the kid.

What's his name? Crooks. Crooks. Yeah. The fact that he got bullied out of Marksmanship Club. I did not know that. It's unbelievable. I mean, unbelievable.

It's like reverse Michael Jordan. Yeah, that's crazy. I did not know that. That is. That is. Bro, you know what a loser you got to be to even try and join Marksmanship Club, and then they bullied you out? That is crazy, dude.

Those are the losers. The losers bullied you out of being a loser? You got no friends, man. That's a tough spot to be in. I'll show my Marksmanship friends I've missed the president eight times. Oh, man. I did not know that he probably took himself out after he missed god damn it i gotta get one like that's that's crazy like you gotta i i we didn't have marksmanship in my school i went to a normal school yeah i didn't know that was like

even a fucking thing but i imagine like you gotta it takes a few days to gain up the courage to even try because it's not even courage it's just admitting who you are yeah i guess i'm not a football player i guess i'm not a i guess i'm not even a thespian your mom's at home going you got to join something honey you got to do something how about marksman and they're like dude you think the quote was, he's comically bad. What was that? I'd say so. I would say fucking.

It was a New York post headline where it was like, I think, I think the words were, actually, I got it right here. Yes. Would be Trump assassin tried to join high school shooting club was rejected for being quote comically bad. Terrible shot. Terrible? You could not script it. Shakespeare himself could not write a story about a guy being a terrible shot booted out of marksmanship class

who misses the president. I mean... I'm just going gonna fucking show them i'll see what they're missing that's unbelievable that's what i mean it's it's that's some that's some dumb and dumber shit harry you're alive and you're a terrible shot i I mean, literally, the victims were all around him. He hit everything but. He also shot terribly.

Wait, wait, let's read that. An anonymous member of the team cited by the IPU saying Crooks, quote, wasn't really fit for the rifle team. They added, he also shot terribly. He didn't just not make the team. He was asked to not come back because of how bad a shot he was it was considered like dangerous that is great dude like that basically i don't think we should be laughing but it's the funniest fucking thing i've ever heard this is basically what happened to me in high school but with math And imagine I just showed up and tried to be a scientist one day.

Like, that's insane. I'll show you guys. Watch me, like, split the atom. Oh, my God. You got to be Bob Lee Swagger to pull something like that off. He probably did have visions in his head of being like, I'll show you guys. Oh, yeah. I had to.

I had to. Which, by the way, I do have to say, I do respect one thing about him. Seemingly so far, no manifesto. Yeah, he just did it. I think my shooting the president will speak for itself. I'll let my actions speak for myself. I don't need to write an essay to explain this one.

Dude, that is... By the way, shout out to the I guess teacher, professor or whatever, shout out to the, the, the, I guess teacher, professor, whatever of that class being like, you don't get to handle a gun. You're really bad at this.

That makes me feel better about, you know, gun control in America. Somebody was, somebody was doing the job. The secret service wasn't, uh, people giving the gun warrant,

whatever. But that teacher was like, you don't get to shoot guns anymore because you can't hit anything. It's dangerous for you to be on a gun range and he tried to have 150 yards out with a fucking breeze and all that shit i remember i remember i've shot a gun like once in my no i forgot i did the thing with sydney wells uh but the um i remember it was one time this is the BB gun I was talking about where I was at my buddy's house he's a marine and this is like he just joined up and

he just put a can in the backyard and he was like lighting it up and he's like you want a shot? I'm like sure and I just stared for a while I was like I don't even know what I'm supposed to look through and then just started firing this had to be what this kid did I've only fired a handgun and it was at a gun range where they had like the the

target on a piece of paper and they like zoomed it out probably from like maybe a little bit longer than here to the wall and i don't think i hit it i remember being like okay like i was like but i mean like i didn't even know how to look through a site i was just like like just pull it i mean i remember my like like my friend goes and because it's on a piece of paper i think it just kind of wobbles like in the wind and shit like that and and my buddy goes did you hit it i was like i don't know i don't think so i unloaded a clip nothing you come close man that is some that is like a south park skit yeah that is some art imitating life life imitating art that is really terrible and funny all at the same time i mean i listen i saw a lot i mean right away every comic we know was up on stage that night

and had a clip and had a had a joke and had a whatever that's the angle that's the angle to take that is unbelievably funny i mean god damn uh but yeah like i said he killed off the uh the momentum from gen z boss in a mini which apparently is jack Jackie's favorite video. She loves it. No. No, Jackie said that she loves it. I'm pretty sure Jackie has this video.

She makes these videos with her girlfriends. I'm just saying I don't think it's like – I think that – I don't hate the video as much as everyone. I just think like the trend is like we're basic, what of it? Yeah, yeah. And I respect that. Did this start the trend or was there a trend beforehand? I don't actually know.

I think the trend was beforehand. Well, I think it kind of relates to isn't it in the same cadence no i guess it's not i was thinking of six five blue eyes looking for a guy it's like a sing-songy like yeah you know but i think the one the one that's not getting enough attention because like everyone can just use it with their girlfriends right here five three in an attitude five foot three in an attitude. 5'3 and an attitude. 5'3 and an attitude. Yeah, that girl's just a bitch. That's everyone's girlfriend. This is my fault.

They looked at her outfit and they were just like, you're just a bitch. This had views like a motherfucker though. Like 30 million views in a day or some shit. There is just something that makes you, something about, it just hasn't been a great run for white women and sometimes they do stuff that make you just go oh god and like i'm sure people have cringed at me

a million times before too and everybody does some cringy shit but like i i was not like fuck these girls like they're trying to be cool and funny and they're not but i was just like oh i don't like this well also like i am gold hoops in the spray tan so so that's it yeah i saw that one and i just went jackie like it kind of looks like she also has gigantic paws she's throwing those hooves out there if jackie did that it would be like 3d or like come through the screen at you that uh yeah that was it's right up there with i am snacking um as far as you know things that make you just go oh i don't want to see that again don't want to see that again uh but the one girl who i don't think is getting nearly enough love at least i didn't see her uh buffet

girl take whatever hock tool got and give it all to this chick this This chick was on, I don't think I tweeted. I texted it to you though, Paps. It's this little resurgence of man on the street talk to drunk people is happening and that's where Hak Tua came from.

This girl, very cute and she's, I don't know what she's eating but she's housing some drunk food and they ask her, what would you do with a million dollars and i'll just let you see it because i mean the passion this girl has behind uh behind it is i love her

first of all beautiful love the food in your mouth. Giving a thought. Open a buffet. Open a buffet. What? You got to know your answer so well. A buffet. They didn't give you any napkins? I was going to eat Chinese food.

I love her. She's amazing. I don't have a problem with Hawk Tua girl either. I think, you know, whatever. She actually has a personality and handled all the fame, I think, in a very good way. This girl's got personality. I like how her brain works. I like how she grabs the thing.

Open up my face! She sounds like a fucking fighter getting interviewed by Dana, by Joe Rogan after a match. When they kind of hold the mic too, yeah. I'm coming for you, Connor! I'm fucking coming for you! That's a big win for you, Habib. What are you going to do next? Open up my face!

All you're going to eat Chinese food! next open a buffet i mean a chinese have you ever had a good unlimited chinese buffet mongolian buffet is what i had basically chinese it's so good yeah and it's like you know i'm sure i've had you can get like 50 pounds for like 12 you know it's like you just you load up your styrofoam thing and you can barely carry it and they're like that'll be six dollars oh it's like you just you load up your styrofoam thing and you can barely carry it and they're like that'll be six dollars oh it's so good i mean like these are the things that i don't know if i'm a restaurateur i'm i'm opening up a buffet with this bitch if i had the money to do it i would open up an all you can eat chinese buffet with this girl she'll be like salt bae or whatever she'll be like, you gotta go see the buffet girl and load

up. What else we got? What do we want to do here? One of the more shocking things from the weekend, I think it was Thursday. We filming Sketch Thursday? Went to... This is crazy.

Do you know what this girl does for water? What Jackie does for water? Like, we mean for water. So Thursday morning, we filmed a sketch. It's like I'm sucking tape. The guy from Firefest. Thursday, we were filming a sketch. We had to do a video at the office, so we wanted to do it close by.

Jackie lives very close to the office. We're like, can we use your apartment? Get to the apartment pretty early, nine o'clock, I think? Nine a.m. And we asked for water. Jackie brings over two mason jar type mugs, I think, that are,

it's like a thick glass. They're nice. It's the only glasses I have. No, they're good. I'm being complimentary. They're glasses. They're good glasses. When she put them in my hand,

Owen got one too. I got being complimentary. They're good glasses. When she put them in my hand, Owen got one too. I got one too. I got it before and I couldn't get the words out. Before fights, I was like... It was like a thousand degrees. It was so hot. Here's the thing. I had boiled my water at night. I had boiled my water at night

specifically so it could be cool in the morning. She boiled her water at night specifically so it could be cool in the morning. She boiled her water? What is that? Why? You said that like every... I boiled my water at night so I have it in the morning. What are you fucking talking about? So I have had a Brita like

four different Britas and every time I just after two weeks I get the ick from the Brita. I can't do it and it starts to gross me out. I'm with you on that. Nobody changes those filters. Yeah, yeah. And you're probably making, pouring like worse shit in there. Yeah.

So then I was like, okay, tap water. But then I hear all these bad things about tap water. So I was like, okay, that's out. So I was like boiling my water. It's going to be the safest bet

for water. What are you on? The fucking Oregon Trail? What are you talking about? Dude, she boils water, and then she just leaves her kettle on her fucking kitchen nook. You live in Flint, Michigan? What are you talking about? I mean, I don't expect everyone to know this, but it's kind of well-known that New York City has the best tap water in the world.

And if you live anywhere except Flint, Michigan, in the world and if you live anywhere except for flint michigan into the first world you could just drink it's honestly a really good system unless you want water immediately unless you're thirsty in which case then it really sucks you know what's a really good system turning on the faucet they have a whole like plant system that does it for you jack i thought so how wait so every time you drink water every time you like cook or whatever you boil your water first i make my own is this the 1860s yeah i make my water hang on i'm just gonna make the water first i'm not getting water i i gave you the benefit of the doubt when you hand me the cup because i figured you just done was it freshly boiled well so here's what happened oh you thought

so i had boiled my water at night specifically because i knew i'd guess coming so i said we gotta get some cool water in the water and and but then when i was cleaning earlier in the morning i had accidentally hit the tea kettle thing and i'd forgotten about that so it had started to kind of boil. Your pot, your reserves, your aqueduct of already boiled water was reboiled. Yeah, yeah. And it kind of snuck up on me and I forgot about the boiled water.

Anyway, so then when I handed you guys a thing, like I grabbed it from the top, didn't think anything of it and then as soon as I saw your faces, I knew exactly what happened. How hot are we talking? Like tea hot or just like warm water? It wasn't boiling.

Right, but it was like hot water. When you ask for a glass of water, it's hotter than you expect. Like beyond room temperature. But you would say the water is warm. Yeah, it's showerable water. Oh my God. I love him.

Like I can't get the words out of my mouth. What is happening? you said i boil my water like everybody does it you know like so i boil my water at night before i brush my teeth it is how long have you been doing this six months every time you drink water you boil yeah it's it's it's like again it's not a foolproof system i'll give you that but but it makes me it makes me feel best about my water but so if you let's let's say you got home from a workout it's it's today it's a heat wave yeah you forgot to boil water you're sweating you're hot you're like uh i'll drink tap i'll drink, I'm so parched. Then I'll drink tap. You'll drink tap. I'll drink tap.

I'm not happy about it. Legitimately though, New York City, like, I would Google this because I don't know if it's urban legend, but I'm pretty sure

I'm very, at least at one point, I know there were tests done of bottled water and New York City water and they were like the same. I also am coming from the Bay Area

with actually the best water in the world I don't think so no I I legit think that New York City tap water is like some of the best in the world

yeah I'm with you in the sense that I've certainly heard it a lot of times I don't know I feel like I remember my dad used to work in commercial real estate

so he knew all about that shit and he has always told me like it is legit but I think that was like back then I don't think now it is. I'm not positive about that. I also heard that, like, tea kettles don't actually, like, boil off all the germs.

So now I'm kind of just like, all right, I'll just not drink water. I'm pretty sure it's... I mean, put it this way. It is very much okay enough to just drink it and not boil it. I can tell you that much. I don't know if it's true that, like, compare bottled water to... I kind of like the tap.

Like, I like, you know, I used to love drinking from the hose where it tastes like pennies a little bit. I like a little bit of... a little mystery in my water. I drink... I take a body armor home, and I fill it up for a few days and I bring it back.

Switch it out, get a new body armor. I can't stand people who are bottled water only. I see that a lot with kids. First of all, every kid... You might be young enough. When you were kids, do you remember going anywhere you went you had a water bottle?

Like a filled up water bottle? You do? my mom would fill it up for me like a yeah like like my kids won't leave the house they're like i gotta get my water like put your shoes on get your jacket get your water bottle i i was just thirsty my whole life i guess yeah i drank like from a water fountain when there was one or like when you know we got back home or whatever but now it's like if if i leave the house without water bottles, I'm like, we're fucked. Because we're going to be in the middle of something and they're going to be thirsty

and we're going to have to like end the whole event. Because they just constantly have water on them, which is a good thing. But I'm like, when did this start? And then, so I see it a lot with, they all have like bottles. And I feel like if I were to just like pour them a cup, they would be like, ew, that's gross.

It's like, get over it, you little fucks. We were – My kids will do it, but other kids are like – I was weird in my friend group, but I was a – I didn't like – I wasn't – it wasn't an anxiety water bottle or whatever you call them. But I drank water, but the – it was like rare for my – My kids don't drink anything but water. I would occasionally get like a juicy juice.

They don't drink juice. Yeah. They don't drink milk anymore. They don't drink anything but water. I would occasionally get a juicy juice. They don't drink juice. They don't drink milk anymore. They don't drink soda. Chocolate milk. None of it. I'm just going to leave it that way because it's good for you. It's kind of fucking weird. I'm like, you guys are fucking weirdos.

In the Great Depression, Goldman's talking about growing up in the 70s. It's like we were dehydrated our entire lives. It is weird to think about when things... Because they weren't invented, but when they became popularized, it was just things that... Like suntan lotion. When I was a kid,

if you put on suntan lotion, you were a pussy. You were like... It was... You were bringing suntan lotion to the pool? Right. Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm fucking really white.

That was like... I always said girls are good for... They have bags so they can carry yeah like you like as a guy you couldn't bring your own sunblock you'd have to have a girl that had the sunblock you could borrow some but like i don't know maybe it's just me now and i'm more comfortable with it but like when i'm hanging out at the beach of the pool everyone's putting on something bro i i've reached the point i don't know what happened in my life. I think it was the vaccine. Maybe I'm just going to go full-blown right now. It's Donald Trump assassination.

I can't. My skin, it's not just like I get sunburned. Something has happened to me. I can't put on sunblock without having a reaction. I can't be in the sun without having a reaction. So I am now. I'll wear like, that's why I have all these linen pants because I need to be covered. I wear a long-sleeved shirt that's light, pants that are are light and i have a fucking one of those huge straw hats that go really here

dude my i'm on the beach under a tent under my straw hat head to toe clothes like a muslim that's that's exactly my aunt my aunt goes to the beach like every day fully dressed big like it's a little bit like stay at home well i mean trust me brother i want to like i mean i i have not gone to the beach much but like i'm gonna go on a beach vacation in a couple weeks, and it's like everyone's down there. I can't just sit in the house by myself. No, I actually think it's cool. Like, I joke even. Why are you even here?

I think it's cool to be like, well, I don't know. I like listening to the waves and reading the book. Yeah. And I'm going to do what I need to do to do that. I don't know what. I used to sit in the sun, drunk, playing in the water, swimming in the water, all that shit for hours on end. I would probably put on some sunblock, but, like, not much. And then, like, right around when I turned the vaccine, I, like, get this, like, it feels like my skin is really, really, really cold.

And, like, if I were to scratch it, it's, like, intensely, like, I can feel everything, like, heightened. And then I sometimes get, like, white sunspots and, and like all this shit that's like i don't mean i'm an irish guy but i used to always my family always joked that like i was the one that got tan and now i'm like no like the sun i think the i have like an allergy to the sun i think it's gonna just kill me one day like a reverse superman it's just like eating me alive did the uh jackie boils her water speaking of like how things like we talked about how like things became in vogue yeah like water and suntan lotion i was thinking over the weekend i saw i was watching a bunch of shows and i saw two different things that made me think of stuff and the first one was someone was in a coma and i can't wait i don't think i'll be alive for it

but just like comas in the future when when they discover that it's like an injection wakes you up and then the doctors are like like yeah they used to do all kinds of crazy shit they'd like read to them and like some person's in the room like why do they do all that's crazy like yeah like you just bring them up some husbands come in the room like why'd they do all that's crazy like yeah you just wake them up some husbands come in they fucking

make finger wounds like why wouldn't they just give them that shot well we didn't know then at

that point that the shot wakes them up like the advancements of medical technology is so funny because like I

mean now you think back they used to give you coke and shit like that and they did what they used to fucking bury them when they had they were in a coma yeah they used to have a string that would go down to your coffin and you could ring the bell if you woke up

because they used to fucking find they would dig people up there'd be claw marks in the they're like well that one was still alive whoops that's nuts you could go no bell to save money and just not dig people up. Yeah. I don't know when that guy died, but he's dead. Right. Are we doing regular checks? Once I put all that dirt on you, I am not digging you back up, bro.

Unless they can hear from you, like, hello. The other one, I think I was watching Seinfeld. And they did, like, I don't know, it was one of my sitcoms. And they were like, it was like a Friends with Benefits thing. And they were like, it was like a friends with benefits thing. And they were like, dude, it never works. It's not supposed to work. Well, if it works, it's a relationship, right? It just becomes a relationship.

No, I guess the notion of we stay friends and just fuck, that does not work. But it's not supposed to. That's not how you, like what what is it working you just stay friends and fuck for the rest of your life well wouldn't that be great no i think that sounds pretty awesome no no i mean the idea behind that the phrase is like you don't fight you don't like you don't have to do all the bullshit you stay friends and you get to fuck i think i would do that forever i mean theoretically theoretically that's what relationships

are you know you're like i married my best friend today it's like shut the fuck up no you did you know what you do with your best friend you like you know go on fucking internet like watch faces of death and do dumb shit like that that's what you do with your friends you know what i mean i could never do that's no your friends is something totally separate but i think you know i can get down with the idea of of when i when i saw it, it struck me where it was like telling someone who's eating a banana, that's not going to fill you up. Well, I know. It's a snack until I get to my other meal.

Right. So you're saying this is like a half relationship. Yeah. So it's not supposed to ever really evolve. Yeah, I know it's not going to work. It's just fucking filling me up right now. Well, also, by the way, we talk about this a lot. Like every relationship doesn't work except for, like, theoretically one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, all of these things you ride until the wheels come off. And then hopefully one day the wheels stay on and, like, the engine is busted and the glass is broken. But the car is just still rolling down, like, 50 years later. Like, all of these things ended. You know, when realistically I'm eating something like what that girl was eating in the buffet. I know it's really bad for me, but right now it's giving me sustenance. Later, I'll have a salad.

I ate myself into a coma last night. I was all gassed up Sunday night. I got House of the Dragon. I got Love Island. And I ate. I got ordered Italian food, ate all the bread that came with it, ate the whole salad, ate the entire chicken parm uh order which i double checked it was not an entree it was a platter so i think that serves like four family style i think i think so i don't know though because you know how the guinea's just like

the serving size for the italians is pretty crazy yeah but i think it was like four cutlets and i don't think you're supposed to eat four cutlets. I'm pretty sure cutlets like that. One, right? Yeah. I think it was a serving size of four. Four cutlets. I ate it like pancakes. You know how you put your pancakes and you just cut through the ball.

So I just had like little triangles of four pieces of chicken and then a pint of ice cream and then nine o'clock hit. And I literally went, Oh, I texted, uh, Bob and Clem. Uh,

and I was like, I'm not making the podcast tonight. Like I'm going to be, I'm not, I'm not, I don't I was like I'm not making the podcast tonight I don't even know if I'm going to make it through the episode and they were like cool we'll handle it and I went well I didn't even see the episode I woke up at 10 o'clock I woke up to the

ending scene of Game of Thrones and then I was like I ain't doing Love Island either I gotta go to bed dog by the way that Game of Stools that we, I thought I was doing it for fun because I just like it. It does really well. Really? Yeah, we get a lot of...

In a world where we absolutely cannot compete with the big dogs who do Game of Thrones coverage, we compete. Really? Well, no. Because those guys get like 50 million views because they first of all they all have screeners which i just got wise to this year like i was trying to do some reaction videos and it's like okay i'll maybe even try to do it like that night and then i get it to my editors and then they have to work on it like all morning and like maybe it'll be out the next day

these guys have videos that are like the easter eggs from tonight's thing at like 10.01. And it's like, okay, you guys had a screener. And they also like, it's all they do. And they have a studio. And they, you know, there's just no way. And they all also are all super nerds who like know the history of Valeria and shit like that. You know what I mean? Whereas me, Clem, and Bob are just doing the barstool thing where

it's like that guy's head got chopped oh oh shit did you see that girl's tits and i think there's still a world for that it's tough because usually it's interesting that i really started to give it some thought because the barstool way of doing things for so long was what gave us our success i think i think people got tired of like the uh michael will bonds of the world being like stuffy about sports and all analytical and they wanted guys just being like holy fucking shit that was you know talking like that and and and all that but i think when people watch tv content they want the nerds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, they, I don't necessarily need

another guy to just be like, that scene was awesome or, like, I don't know what's going on but I think this is what's happening. I want a nerd who's like, oh, if you read the first book,

it means, so it's kind of, I want a guy who's in Markmanship Club. I want the captain of the Markmanship Team. So it is, it is hard to compete with that but, every we're doing you know immediate uh like knee

jerk right afterwards 10 15 we're on live still like 20 000 views every time and people they're all in the chat and so it's a fun time it's on my mom's basement uh on bob's channel so um every sunday night as long as i don't eat myself into a coma, we're all on there. Catch up on that or start that. Yeah, it's worth it, dude. It's worth it. I'm also, we're both watching Presumed Innocent. Yeah, I finally like it.

Finally like it? What do you mean? The first three episodes, he's so unlikable that I'm like, well, I don't even want you to win. But that's what I thought was interesting. Yeah. I was like, I'm watching a show for the first time ever where I don't think I want the guy to win.

Right, right. I think that's pretty unique. And then when they finally started introducing other people that could have been, then I I was like, I'm watching a show for the first time ever where I don't think I want the guy to win. Right, right. I think that's pretty unique. And then when they finally started introducing other people it could have been, then I – obviously, I watched all three, and now I'm fully caught up on six. I believe it's a book. I know it was a Harrison Ford movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go back and watch that.

I mean, Harrison Ford is one of my favorite actors. And it got Green Lip Season 2. Oh. Yeah. This – is it like an anthology thing, or's gonna be like this series i don't know i've obviously that actually gives me oh because you know what though i think it's only seven episodes it's one of those limited series so i think we're like almost at the premiere no because you can't wrap up bill well that's what i think is the problem i think maybe they're like i don't know

it's a lot to wrap is it ray camp or bill or Bill Camp? Bill Camp is his name. The actor, right? Bill Camp is my new... I never really have a favorite actor other than Brad Pitt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill Camp is my favorite actor. Ed Harris is mine. What? Ed Harris is mine. Ed Harris?

He's a good one, too. I fucking love Ed Harris. Yeah, he's a good one. Bill Camp, though, in this role, is who I almost want to be as a person. The way he talks and acts and he has all his confidence and he's fucking uh like funny at the same time and he's just like like he's like defending his buddy who's on trial for murder and he's just like kind of cracking jokes like treating he's treating him like a real friend would like like if you were on trial for murder

and you had that much evidence against you i would be clowning you left and right i'm like we're gonna get you off on this thing but what the fuck are you doing dude you are an idiot he's uh i just saw his imdb there uh you haven't seen dark water dark water is like sneaky one of my favorite movies i watch it all the time but the night of was where i first i think really was put onto him he's the the like the lawyer trying if you've never seen the night of one of the best premieres of any TV show ever. The first episode of The Night Of is unreal. And then the next, like, four episodes is, what's that actor's name? Tom Gugliotta, whatever it is.

Oh, oh, oh, you mean the guy from fucking... Mr. Deeds. Yeah. John Turturro. John Turturro. Yes, it's just him wrapping his feet in saran wrap. It's one of the most insane storylines of all time. just him wrapping his feet in saran wrap it's one of the most insane storylines of all time

this guy wraps his feet in saran wrap every night but Bill Camp is in it and he was a great lawyer in that he's a great lawyer

in Presumed Innocent with Gyllenhaal and then I almost want to do a series Jackie maybe we can do this I think

we should force John to watch Love Island dude I think everybody would love it no he would hate it he would hate Dude, I think everybody would love it. No, he would hate it. He would hate it, but I think he would get hooked on it.

I tried to do it with the... Because there was a time... Huh? You might hate it. No, no, no. He would 100% hate it. Kevin sent me a clip the other day. He's like, you just gotta watch this clip.

I was like, this clip sucks. It was everyone reacting. I was like like none of them are even having emotions they're all it was they just cut to every single person crying oh it stinks the um but i kind of tried to do reality tv this is probably like five six years ago because like there was a time when like monday nights or tuesday nights or whatever like just your entire timeline was a bachelor it was the whole thing so i think i tried to i was like bachelor fell off though yeah but i did the one that everyone says they like is the island one love oh badge bachelor in paradise everybody just says fucking i did like two episodes of that that one's kind of stupid. This is like that, but like – I mean it's – what the producers do to the people on Love Island is – it's torture from Saw.

I think it's going to come out in a few years being like – we're going to look back on it being like, wow, that was really not cool. What were we doing to those people? And they all sign up for it and I think half of them are just trying to become you know famous and shit like that but i also don't think people get and i think i find it funny how much people are like um like this is not even real and it's like anybody who's like gone to summer camp or been on vacation or whatever like that's slowly been falling i was waiting for that to happen i was waiting for that to happen like this this this the couple that the video i showed you where everyone was crying um the couple that was together spent 24 hours a day seven days a week for almost a month you're gonna be like that's over 500 hours with a person yeah that's the equivalent of going on

like think about a date if you went on a five-hour if you slept over it's like a 10 hour date you're talking about like 50 to 100 dates with somebody that would be a full-blown relationship yeah they just cram it into and it's it's a month long and you're in the most romantic place ever you have no other uh entertainment so you're just talking to each other and fooling around with each other and i don't think you're really allowed to fuck so it just like keeps building up all the tension not allowed to fuck it's just not yeah you're not supposed to so like well right yeah if you don't like if you don't

like reality TV that's why I say we should force John to watch it like clockwork orange like peel his eyes open and like do like a Clemmer thing like you're not allowed to leave the room until you either you have to watch all of this or you have to like complete this like calculus equation because John I think John will figure out a way to do anything to get out of this room because it's like everything he hates he would like it better because like

bachelor again it's everyone's faking it like but like you said like you can't fake feelings for someone when you're with them like all the time 24 hours and it's real time it's all happening right now because then you just drive yourself crazy. And then you're just like, I actually can't stand this person. No, I don't think... But I wouldn't like that either. I think John would not like it from the point of view of like,

I don't think you like... I don't think you would be like, this is not real, so I'm not entertained by it. I think you don't like watching other people and secondhand embarrassment and all that. He like, the core tenets of what Love Island is, John does not want to watch.

Right. So when I'm like, oh my God, I want to watch this train wreck. He's is. John does not want to watch it. Right. So when I'm like, oh, my God, I want to watch this train wreck. He's like, I don't want to watch the train wreck. Like every viral Barstool video. Look at these two. I do not watch that. I don't want to watch people fight.

Yeah. Not like actual tension. Weird fight. I don't know. That's always the best. And he's not the best, but it's like – but they just – these producers are painting a masterpiece where they're just like – they're like, all right, we're going to let her know about this, but we're going to show, like, the kiss later. Like, and it's just going to build up to, like, a fucking murder scene. And when it happens, it's like – it's sickening.

Like, there's this one girl who has not – she's been crying for a month straight. And she just goes, oh my god, Aaron. And she just does this thing with her eyes where she's crying every single time. And they're just torturing her until I think she might – it might be like a murder-suicide situation. At one day, she's going to kill like everybody in the villa. And it's going to be like the blood is on those producers' hands because they know exactly what they're fucking doing. You know like our serial killer app or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that like – Wait, wait. What's that? Explain that. It's like a task rabbit, but you could hire a serial killer to kill or to – If you want to kill yourself, you can just hire someone. Got it. It's a two-way situation.

You just have to have the embarrassment. But I think like – Yes, love that. It's a two-way situation. But I think one outlet for it is if you don't want to kill someone, you can be a Love Island producer and it's the same amount of psychopath. It's like you get your fix of psychopath ruining someone's life.

We could have put Jeffrey Dahmer just like producer, but Jeffrey Dahmer. And we would have saved like 20 lives or whatever. We would have ruined the emotional brain of like 10 girls. And he's like, I ruined actually everyone's life in that. This is getting better. They have to keep living. I'm still a little curious what they taste like.

Yeah, I don't get to eat them. What is funny, though, is watching. There's a crew. It's very obviously guy and girl. And they split them up. And within the crew, they all. Like the guys are awesome. The guys the crew, they all, like, the guys are awesome. The guys are like, they're just like dudes, you know?

And they're like, just encouraging each other, like, she's not a girlfriend. But they're just like, really like homies about it. And then the girls are like, always gassing each other up, being like, I really think he's gonna be faithful. It's different. You two are really in love.

And then he's just like, finger blasting some girl right away. But it's funny when I'm like, I love this guy and this guy. And I hate this girl and this girl. Wait, so they show up with their relationship? No, no, no. This is ten singles. Five guys, five girls.

And then they just naturally start to pair off. And some people are like, we tried it and it didn't work some people are just like we're in lust and then a couple people like end up becoming like almost like the mom and dad of the group where it's like they pair off and then so like right when things get good or right when you like could have like a real connection they just tell the guys for four days you get to go live in another house with all these other hosts and so they all go and they immediately they're like i'm in love with this girl and then they get to a house with new girls and like i only know that guy for a week so they start to fool around and they brought they they gave the guys a whole new house of girls who are all very pretty and they

gave the girls a whole new house of dudes plucked from barstool. They do that every single time. I mean, these guys were junkyard dogs. I don't even want to be mean about it, but one guy had pockmarked skin. There was this one guy, though, Ignacio, who barely spoke English. He was like, I do the language barrier sometimes. I don't even know what you guys are saying. And so the girls were like, I'm staying faithful. I don't even know what you guys are saying um and so the girls were like

i'm staying faithful like i don't like any of these guys and the dudes just like immediately were fooling around with every chick and then they bring bro this one guy odell beckham's brothers on it he's 22 what yeah his name is cordell cordell beckham and odell beckham i wanted to change my name to cordell when i was a kid it's a great name cordell washington cordell stewart yeah yeah i think prior to the cordell stewart was my most my favorite cordell this guy this cordell is my new favorite cordell i think he's 22 he has no clue what he's doing he does not know a goddamn thing about women and he's just trying his best he's just and he meets this one girl and this one girl is closed off to him the whole time she's like he's just trying his best he's just and he meets this one girl and this one girl is closed off to him the whole time she's like he's like basically being like i

love you and i want you and you're amazing and she's keeping him at arm's length i was like i was like and then like the day before he goes on this trip to the other house the girl's like all right i think i kind of like you gets to another house and this now all of a sudden these girls are just like throwing attention at him so he starts to fool around with the one and then you then you have to go back to the original house and you can either go back alone or bring a girl with you and he brought the second girl back home to the first girl right and then the first morning they wake up he cooks breakfast for both of them yeah and brings it up

they all get their they all do their makeup at like the same table and the thing kind of becomes if you like a girl you make breakfast for her that's like the thing they all do and he's like so who do i make breakfast for and he's like i think i'm just gonna make it for both and this one guy rob's like i think you gotta do it bro like oh it's such a bad and he's like i'll help you i'll like walk i'll bring up the plates with you and he's like thanks dog thank you man and they walk in and he like puts one plate down and then like goes to put the other plate down she's like get that shit out of here she throws it into his chest he's got eggs in his belly button and then they go to his confessional and he's like, I thought it was a good idea. And he's just like, you don't know what is going on, dog.

You don't know what is happening right now. Because some of these guys are like 22 years old. They're just like fooling around, fucking around. It is a train wreck of epic proportions. And I can't keep up, by the way. Five nights a week is insane. I don't know how they turn it around so fast. They take off Wednesday and then Saturday is like an after show.

It's live. It's live. It's like a one-day delay. That's crazy. And I told them, I was like, yo, these guys, it's almost like telling mafia secrets when you're out of the mob. These producers are just outing production world. When we film something and it takes six months and weeks to do this and all that they put out a full ass show they have a

comedian who does voiceovers they have all the footage they have all the games they have everything and it comes out the next day so i don't know what the fuck else all you other editors and producers are doing probably have a team that has like one person like oh no doubt like no doubt whatever i mean i'm not saying you guys don't say other like the bachelor takes like a year to come out yeah it's like i don't know these guys do it every day i would love for you guys to interview a producer a love island producer just ask them like what is your process i would love you guys to do that. Because I don't even think, you know, producer has the word producer has gotten so like warped into things that is not in a good way and a bad way.

Producers do more over here and less over there, you know. But it is that shit is as high entertaining as lowbrow entertainment could be. Oh, man. You would fucking hate it. I really think we should do something where it's like you have to watch it as a punishment. Yeah, I mean, if we think of something good, I'll obviously do that. I mean, John said when I explained the idea of movie night is the most sadistic thing I've ever heard. It's you go to another house, you fool around do whatever you want without your girlfriend and then you come back to your show to your house and they you watch the movie of of everything you did with the other girls with your girlfriend but like i i

it's like it's and john was like i i would put a bullet in my head before i ever did that with my with my girlfriend but i also wouldn't i'd go to the other house and i'd think there's a lot of cameras around here yeah no well probably well that's why I mean these are like, you know, a bunch of like horny 22-year-old girls. Also, I think there's something to be said for like, in the moment you're like, I love this girl, right? And then it's like, you come up for air a little bit, even just going to another villa. You're not going back to the real world, but you're just like getting another, you're changing it up a little bit. Yeah. I think you're like, oh, wait a minute.

I've only been seeing her for like a week. So, and like this girl seems really great. So'm not gonna like miss the opera the whole show the whole point of the show is go fuck other like a bunch of people you know what i mean like the girl's like how could you do this like you're on love island it's not supposed to be like go get monogamous and then just like you know play house together but i mean the idea idea of watching that footage with multiple girls. Like, because the new girl's mad that you're back with the old girl. And the old girl's mad that she's seen what you did with the new girl. And it's like, why?

It's like just taking a hornet's nest and putting it on your head. It's fucking insane, man. Please. Please. All right. Voicemails? Yep. Ready?

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She pooped. Good girl. So my sister-in-law, who also listens who also listens to this podcast be very funny if she hears this um just got bit by a lone star tick uh the big thing with a lone star tick is we may remember from the billy football chronicles with it is that you can uh become allergic to uh red meat for the rest of your life. Well, it turns out that might be happening to her right now. So I think the question to ask here is, what would be the worst thing to become allergic to in terms of food

for the rest of your life if you were to get bit by this tick? And then secondly, as a bonus question um kind of want to know your thoughts on like the worst tiny task um i have a really hard time taking belts out of pants i just really hate it like to the point where sometimes i'll fold my pants like back up into my drawers with the back and have ruined many khaki pants due to a darker leather belt um so yeah those are my fun little questions if a tick could bite you and make you allergic to one type of food one thing what would be the worst thing for you is sugar yeah i mean sugar is almost like so broad but yeah yeah, I mean, that would be the answer.

I mean, if you had to specify it more, though, like because you love your soury, sugary things, but like you love your peanut butter cups. And I love my chocolate. Right. So, okay, sugar. Almost, I would imagine like everybody would think sugar, right? Sugar. I mean, it's sugar by a lot last night i was in in front of my fridge eating um domino's cheesy bread that i ordered on friday and like i'm getting

cheesy bread tonight i haven't had that in so long dude oh i have to open my freezer when i open my fridge at night because the fridge light has gone out so So to see, I have to open the freezer. And so I was standing there. You know why that happened, right? Yeah. Because you're standing in front of your fridge. That's supposed to not... I think the light should last a lifetime.

I didn't think it could possibly go out. So you have to open the freezer. I opened the freezer so I could see the fridge. That is so goddamn funny. That's the fattest thing I ever heard funny that's the baddest thing i ever heard so then i placed the the box of uh the cheesy bread in the freezer just so i like nice little table right so i i had it open and i just stayed and i was just sitting there dipping into the marinara sauce and eating it and i was like looking into the the abyss of the fridge and i was like this is dark man like hey i mean it's a it's a

thing that's not supposed to go out i'm eating i'm eating cheesy bread on my freezer table while i watch when i look into my dark fridge you think you know darkness you think you know depression does your fridge light work because it doesn't happen to happy people happy people's lights don't go out no it does not the the refrigerator light is on no more than like five seconds it's usually like one second open take it close it maybe you have to look for something maximum it could possibly be is like 30 seconds you close the door yours is probably on for like minutes at a time. And it's just, you know, it's one of those little, it's like an Easy-Bake oven light bulb. It's like, you know, it's got like one little film in it

and it's probably just like, I'm trying so hard. He keeps the door open for so long. I was just like sitting there like, this is fucking such a problem, man. And it's been, it didn't go out last night. It's been out for a year plus. It's been out for a year plus. It's been out for a long time.

I don't think you can replace it. I don't think it's my home fridge. I'd love for you to call the refrigerator people and be like, hey, I'm looking for a refrigerator. What do you mean it went out? The fridge? No, no, no. The light.

Just the light bulb. I think you're going to get a whole new one. What do you mean it went out? I don't know. It doesn't go on anymore. You need to get one of those lights you can stick on the wall. You need a nightlight inside your fridge. That's motion activated the same way the fucking light bulb is.

It's crazy. That is so bad. But that's how much I eat at night in front of my fridge. It's out. We had a deleted out-of-order sketch where we invented glow-in-the-dark ice cream. But glow-in-the-dark ice cream cup so you could find it in bed when you lose it. Still, I've never seen it. It's a very funny premise.

It's something we should do if it obviously doesn't work. But yeah, it was... But that's good. I'm saying all this to say that's how much sugar... When I'm sitting in front of my fridge, I'm not eating fucking salads. I'm eating sugar. I'm eating lots of it and i get i get so happy like i'll i'll giggle to myself like i'm like i'll have a peanut butter cup and then i'll see like that's the fattest thing

but i'll have a peanut butter cup and then i'll see i, I don't know, dark chocolate. I got more. Bro, I mean, I've been doing that my whole life, though. Yeah, when I'm like, I'm going to go home, I'm going to turn on the TV, I'm going to open up that box of donuts. It's going to have that snap. It is. I mean, I understand it's the only thing I talk about, but it does consume a lot of it. It's the only thing I do every day the only thing you can count on

every day is that i will eat that sugar at night if you had to narrow it down from sugar to a specific like you know would you like give up sour patch kids before you give up chocolate that is a right now i'm in a chocolate mode i i go back and forth with modes chocolate to me is king like you need it for everything, for cake, for brownies, for cookies, for chocolate bars, for, you know,

every baked good, all the pastries, chocolate. It probably, it probably would. I would probably keep chocolate, but like right now I'm in chocolate. I'm in physical chocolate mode.

And then I, I wash that down with a Popsicle. And so I get like my sweet from there. And I look how you're making a face like i do i'd make nine of those trips in like yeah yeah right what i do to my body is i mean it's actually it makes sense because like you work out so much that if you cut that out you would be like in perfect shape i keep telling myself that but i'm just like i don't know but i think the way you do it is good well they say like do everything in moderation you are the extreme opposite but you're like

i work out so hard i work hard play hard i work out so much so that i can have my fucking refrigerator light go out while i eat you know chocolate popsicle ice cream mix-ups i would i would guarantee like a hard firm guarantee that i eat double the amount of calories jackie eats in a day after 10 p.m just after 10 p.m yeah let's do that can we do that for it can you can you calorie count for like a day yeah calorie count for like a day for a week and so we'll see like because i'm sure some days you eat more some days you eat less and then you you do the same thing i mean just after 10 p.m. I'm 2,500 calories. After 10 p.m.

It's like textbook. Bro, it's textbook where they tell you not to do it. If you just stop doing that, if you just ate it at 8 o'clock instead of 10 o'clock, you'd probably be in great shape. Well, I've started eating my – John's having dinner at like 4 o'clock. I'll eat the more fattening stuff at 10 and then at like come midnight 1 a.m oh that 10s early yeah yeah then um then i'm eating like the like sugar-free stuff i mean it's disgusting but i i you know i'm having

a pint of ice cream and fucking chocolate covered pretzels in my jam right now i'm i get these bags you eat healthy though like you're eating salads that's why but that's why you throw it all away yeah well that's what i like to do no because he does it you're throwing it away to him it's it's enjoyable he's a fat man i thought about like not doing it i'm like i don't know it's what i like to do if you ever if you ever needed to though like because you also are a guy who can just like flip a switch so if like there was a health scare or for some reason getting in shape like if we ever did like a weight loss challenge where there was like a legitimate prize i think you could just stop doing that oh but i don't know you you've

recently been talking like you're pretty addicted it is but it's only once i eat it but i could not eat it you think so yeah yeah if i if i wanted to lose if i wanted to lose 20 pounds next month i could do it yeah yeah i don't think i don't know though you everybody says says that until that sugar is until you got sugar brain once you catch the sugars it's hard to just like turn that that shit off i mean like when i when i'm sometimes when i'm about to have like my snacks which is you just sound like such a child you know like i remember when when sagara got in shape he was like just stop being a little child you need to have cookies at night you need to have your your cake after dinner like just be an adult you're right but when i'm about to like my mouth starts watering my like i'm i'm sure all the

chemicals in my brain fire off like it's the real deal where it's like give it to us yes more do you eat do you do you have like a sweet tooth yeah i mean like i don't like i try and not act on it as much but like what's it what's like your poison um a chocolate chocolate anything chocolate what's what's the best What's the best thing, though, for you? Chocolate cake. Cake? Yeah. I think cake's at the bottom of my list.

Really? Just like a cake with frosting. Dude, you know what? I've been doing Yasso bars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a 150-cal, like lightweight ice cream kind of deal. But it's like, I get these mint chocolate ones that are covered in a chocolate thing. And like, that's a healthier one.

So I eat that around midnight, a little later. And like, when I get up to go to the freezer, if you had a camera, I'm just like the gayest little boy. I'm like, Yas. Trick or Toast. I'm like singing a song in my head i'm like oh time for yasuo wow i would have kept that one to myself what i'm sick of is like i i ate these chocolate covered pretzels that like there's like 20 in a bag.

I'm like, I'm going to put a bag down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put, like, two bags. Like, if I'm eating chocolate-covered pretzels, like, little ones, like, I'll have 40 of those. And that's two bags? Fuck that. You're just packaging it wrong. The serving sizes are.

Ridiculous. You need to specify, like, okay, this is, like, a serving size for, like, a 100-pound a hundred pound girl it's crazy what was the second question here it was another good one i always think the worst little taste michael phelps used to eat 8 000 calories greatest athlete of all time you see it as much as he wanted it's like it's like when you're drinking a lot like keith richards is fine what's the the worst little task you have to do? I'm bad with belts. I won't take my belt off my pants until I need it. I don't. I mean, I'm a hook guy, so I just hang.

Like, I don't fold any of my clothes. I don't put them on hangers, and I don't put them in drawers. So I just hang. You just have everything hanging? Yeah. Like, I'm getting, like, my bedroom renov renovated and we're talking about the closet and they're like, do you want shelves? Do you want cubbies?

Do you want this and that? And I just want hooks. You're like crying with levels. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hooks everywhere. Yes.

I've used that example before because I just take my pants off and I just hang it on a belt loop. I mean, shirts, whatever, but like pants are just hung everywhere when you walk in uh so i'm a big leave the belt on until you need especially if it's like jeans that i wear rewear every day because you know i'll switch it when i need to but yeah chances are i'm gonna probably put those back on anyway anything laundry to me um i i can do the dishes i'll put the run the dishwasher i'll put it away i'll even clean them by hand i'll do you know i'll take out the garbage. I'll run the dishwasher. I'll put it away. I'll even clean them by hand. I'll take out the garbage.

I'll wipe down the counters. But the laundry, the whole, it's just such an up and down, back and forth process. I'm going to put it in, go back upstairs, come back down, switch it over, go back down, grab it out it bring it upstairs so anything that's clothes related that's why wash and fold to me is the greatest service that humanity provides yeah wash and fold is a big one they're like but i like i don't have stairs so it doesn't my bike i don't care i like doing laundry in my house i have i have wash and dryer in my house. I do wash and fold. Really? Yes.

Oh, I'm fine with laundry. Ugh. When it comes, they're like, it's 70 cents a pound. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. Take my credit card and run as much money as you want. As long as you keep returning me those perfect cubes of folded up clothes that I just live out of the bag. I just rip a hole in the bag and I just take t-shirts out of there. Ugh. It's amazing. And it's like 25 bucks or bag. I just rip a hole in the bag and I just take t-shirts out of there. Oh, it's amazing. And it's like $25 or whatever.

I don't even – I just put it on the couch and it takes three minutes to fold and I'm just watching TV. It's not – I guess maybe because I have kids and I'm doing like extra laundry. It takes a little longer now. But I mean I take a bag. I throw it outside my door and the next day it's back and folded. It's magic.

It's like they come at like 5 a.m., grab it, fold it, it's back at 5 a.m. the next day. It's like, did that time travel? What happened? It's unbelievable. Next voicemail. What's up, KFC Fights? I was listening to a episode from a while back ago, and you guys were talking about Dante being criminally horny publicly. It kind of reminded me of something we did kind of back in the day during Sunday Scaries after a party or so recap in the night.

Just kind of talking about how out there and horny some of the guys would be during the party before. So we actually came up with a system where we would rank every brother based on how horny they were. But then we kind of discovered horniness is a spectrum. So we made a political compass for horniness that we would place the guys in and we had on one axis uh public or private and the other accent axis was uh weird or funny love it so examples of private would be you know some guy getting tied up behind closed doors no one ever knew about it the next day he talks about it uh public is gonna be that guy that goes up you know sniffs some girl's hair and everyone sees it then you got you know you're weird or funny

funny is gonna be that guy who can just go up to a girl and do pretty much anything you know grab a girl by the chin somehow works works out and then weird's gonna be that guy you know professes his love to some chick at the bar or you know worse so uh i guess i'd i love that you guys kind of ponder on that that's a good scale scenarios it's a good scale i wouldn't say they're the best examples i think i think i think he would what he said though is like and it somehow works like Yeah, I wouldn't say they're the best examples. Yeah. If a guy sniffs my hair or grabs my chin, I would be like, get out. I think what he said, though, is like, and it somehow works. Like, there are guys who, you know, whatever they say or do, like, if I did that, it would be assault. And he does it, and the girl's like, swoon.

But weird, funny, private, public are, like, the four realms of horniness. Dante's would be the firm corner of weird and public. Weird and public. All the four realms of horniness dante's would be in a firm corner of weird and public all the way up there we did probably like firmly like weird private i'm down here you're over there you're up there the uh the dante tweets are so funny because i don't know if you even know this, that he's just – he just – I mean he's having a field day with Trump, right? But he's like individually just – he has the same tweet. He just keeps saying –

He's one of those guys? Yeah. He has it to like nine different people. Yeah. I mean that happens to me a lot. Like I'll see a troll who says something like particularly like out of whack. I'm like, whoa, this is crazy. And then I see that he's, like, it'll be about the Mets. And I see he sends it to, like, SNY and the actual Met channel and the player who did it.

And he's just sending the same exact tweet. Yeah. CIA up to their old tricks. And he just sends it to everybody? To everybody. That's not even, like, you know, worth repeating. If he had some like you know special thing that like hey i'm just wondering ci up to their old tricks i feel like he also said that

biden was behind it so i'm like which one is it bro yeah is it biden's fault i don't understand the biden's behind it situation because we're just gonna steal the election again why would i kill it is it is funny it is funny how much it's probably easier when you're actually the president rather than the incumbent i'm just gonna steal it again when when uh everybody who's been like you know calling people on the right like crazy conspiracy theorists like you know pizza gate and all that shit now all of a sudden this assassination thing is totally fake it's all false flag operation everybody is becoming a conspiracy theorist when you're politically motivated and you're feeded to the fire everything is fake fake fake fake

i i saw that one that's why i wanted to be careful with the gunshot thing if they say it's what happened he had what happened right right but i just don't think they're saying i mean there was one guy on reddit being like he rolls with, he's been on the WWE before. He hangs out in Vince McMahon circles. He knows how to do these things. That was a blood packet that he put on his own head. And it's all fake. He called up his boy Curt Schilling beforehand.

I know that game. I'd almost be like, you know what? If it was a false flag operation, he gets my vote because they can pull off some shit. They're great actors yeah they're great actors they're great executors they can do it all because that was fucking unbelievable i thought they had that tweet yesterday too he's just the best the uh i guess he said something in chicago and maybe he's in cleveland because i think the rnc is in cleveland uh and he's like it's not for a week and this place is already locked down.

If I try and climb a ladder right now, I won't even make it up. I want to prove it. I was going to say, climb a ladder. Climb a fucking ladder. I think you would be funny private. Funny private? Yeah. I think, like, when you're in bed, you're, like, goofing around with chicks.

Oh, yeah. Laughing and shit, right? Yeah. So you'd maybe get to the weird side of things too, but mostly funny. Behind closed, you're not publicly horny. I would say funny, private. And you're like goofing around. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's an accurate one. Me? Yeah. Definitely private. Maybe just, I don't think funny. Maybe just... I don't want to think funny. Maybe just scared. That was the most honest answer in the history of this podcast. Just scared.

Just scared. What are you scared of, pal? It's not even that scary, man. That was unbelievable. I don't know. Maybe just scared. scared of what about you scary Jackie private private private

person That's probably something a private person would say. Private scared. Yeah, that was an impossible situation for you there. You couldn't follow up. Next up. Happy 4th of July, KFC and fights and everyone. In honor of the 4th of July, I was thinking a lot about the founding fathers.

And I think everyone would agree that if you had sex with George Washington, it would be horrible. It would probably smell, wouldn't be very good. You know, all around bad experience. No idea where the blood is so i was wondering what year or like what president do you think finally started having good sex that's a great question funny public but adding on to that um if you had to go like this dog is if the founding father came to 2024 what would like really send them over the top or give them a heart attack i love would it be just seeing like women today as hard as he can on himself getting called like a founding daddy what what would do it like i think look at him he's just laying on top of it. And then I guess if you had to go

and have sex with someone 250 years ago or today or sorry or 250 years in the future which would be a worse experience? Okay. Okay, that's a good question

too because the same way well, alright, let's start in the beginning. I think while she's right about George probably smelling and being gross and shit, I think for its time, George Washington was like... If you fuck George Washington... I mean, first of all, he was huge for his time. He was like 6'2", right? Yeah, he was like...

He's big enough that girls would swoon in this day and age that day and age girls fucking a six foot two guy like you like literally it's like your whole colonial life you've been fucking little boys and now you're getting dicked down by a man that's what i mean that's straight up why george washington is who he was yeah he was huge you're the general you're the boss whatever dude little like little alexander hamilton was like whatever you say man so i think that girls like if you went back in time and you're used to hygiene and sex the way it is right now maybe it wouldn't be good but back then if you're in the colonies and you're fucking george you're like gossiping to the girls the next day

being like george threw down he gave you that fucking that presidential dick his mouth was a little woody um so but so all that all that old sex does suck but i don't know there's something i feel like you fuck a president like you're it's so much i i think for so many girls it's about status and stuff like whether or not he like those presidents really threw down i don't know but you fuck a president you're going back and you're like bragging about it it's the president yeah it's the fucking president it's like same thing as fucking an athlete or somebody you're like i fucked mckinley i fuck polk you know okay you with this fucking wealth

of knowledge and presence dropping mckinley and polk on us well that's why i mean look at me i know more than washington lincoln kennedy is that current guy if you fuck abraham lincoln you're like you know that's a big deal i think it's a big deal if you fuck the unknowns. I think if you fuck, like, Lyndon Johnson, your girl, you're running back being like, I fucked LBJ. You know what's weird I just thought of? That, like, I was going to make a joke that it's so weird that we get riled up for presidents. Because odds are no one's going to know. Like, it's not going to be a big deal.

Like, most presidents presidents people don't know who the fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah but i i think in our era like every president's been i mean i would still say i know what you mean but there are still a lot of people out there who could probably name most of other presidents you know i don't think so you name more like you know most a lot of people get any more than 20 if you really like put like pen to paper and start to think about i think you could because you you i mean you get like five or ten right like we won't be able to tell their you know their party right right right right but i'm just saying in terms of uh maybe we should do this as like a little little quiz i could i could probably get because i think you start to get more than you think yeah and there's

only 46 but i don't know anything about most of them. Agreed. So that's why I think it's so weird to get... But then when you think about our presidency, Clinton, the Clintons will be around forever. Yeah. Obama, first black, that's going to be remembered. Yep. Bush, obviously. Just the name.

Trump, obviously. Biden will probably be forgot. But like... Biden will be forgotten, but not really because he was opposite Trump in a way. You know what I mean? It's almost like Trump will make him be memorable. Yeah, probably.

Eh, you don't really remember who loses. Yeah, I was going to say, I only remember Dewey versus Truman because of that headline. I don't remember a ton of the other. Right. Although I guess Dewey never became president. At least Biden did become president. So I don't know. But I still think, like, I'm just thinking about

some chick being like, girls, I fucked Grover Cleveland last night. Ulysses S. Grant, his head game is crazy. Grant was the president? Was he?

I don't know. That was when I was. Maybe I'm out over my skis now. No, I think he was, wasn't he? I don't think so. No, because he's on, I think,

because he's on money and I think like Benjamin Franklin's the one president who's not. The one guy on the money who's not president. It's probably after they stopped actually going into battle is when it stops being cool. Yeah, yeah. You know? Well, that stopped pretty fucking quickly. An old guy. I don't think most of these guys were in battle.

A lot of presidents, even after they went into battle, became president after they served. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. I mean, I would say, for me, Teddy Roosevelt. Because he was like, I mean, he was the rough rider. But I think he was like a badass who like, like a bad boy that girls would be like, I fuck Teddy. And he was pretty long time ago. Right?

Like Woodrow Wilson. That might be the one guy that you're not bragging about. You can be like girls. I fucked the president last night. And they'd be like, it's Woodrow Wilson. Mom, your shit.

I don't know. Warranty Harding. That's a bad one too. There's a stretch right there. Calvin from, from Woodrow Wilson. Tash is the fact I got stuck in the, in the stuck in the – so at least you know something about him. Woodrow Wilson to Harding to Coolidge to Hoover.

And then FDR comes in like, I'm that dude. It's so weird how you remember things. I just remember Herbert Hoover as a president from I think it's Home Alone 2 because the neighbor hasn't had a phone since Hoover was in office. Really? And I don't know why I remember that. That stuck with you there. Who is that one? Benjamin who?

Right above Hoover? Benjamin Harrison? Never. I mean, you could put a gun to my head. I would have got to 45 presidents and never in a million years would I have got Benjamin Harrison. Millard Fillmore is not ringing a bell to me at all. No. That's a tough one too.

I guess Fillmore, yeah. But Benjamin Harrison. If you said to me who's Benjamin Harrison, I would have been like, is he an actor? Oh, I would have said he's a football player. Yeah, right. Yeah. But, okay. yeah um but okay so i would say the looking back on it sex gets good i think at teddy rose like like teddy roosevelt was an outlier though because then there's that

run where it sucks i think where it where like you can keep fucking presidents it's probably kennedy yeah gerald ford was old as shit but everybody everybody else, I think if you fucked them, it was kind of like, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. And now Biden's ruining it because he's old. But could you imagine right now if we had a presidential candidate that was like 42 years old, in shape, had a hair, blue eyes, educated, could talk. I think that was a viral tweet after the debate. I'm being so serious. The president should be 45-year-olds. 45-year-olds.

45-year-olds. 45-year-olds. And hot as fuck. But it makes sense, though, because all those guys are like, I'm going to go be a CEO and make billions. I'm not doing this dumbass job where somebody might blow my head off no fucking thank you dude who would you who who's you got a crush on uh yeah okay politics completely aside i actually think that bush's

personality is so cute like he has just like the cute i saw a documentary on him in school funny because he's like such a war criminal yeah he was hard when he did in school. It's so funny because he's such a war criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was hard. Everything. There's so much blood on his hands, but now he paints and he's cute. No, no, no. Everything completely aside.

But it's crazy that he has that. It's like, remember his first pitch? Yeah. It's like, remember the war he made up? I completely agree. Bush loved George W. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. FDR looks like he was kind of a looker.

I don't remember. I mean, it's tough, obviously. Didn't have it all going on. Biden Young was cute. Yeah, yeah, he was a good-looking guy. Biden Young? Yeah, that was a whole plot line in Parks and Rec. That was, I mean, early on.

It was during the Obama administration. He was Cool Joee right like he was like yeah the glasses the leather jacket i wrote a blog and then what happened was it was 25 years ago i wrote a blog during the first post obama oh stud yeah stud the first post obama election where i like, it'll be the first time in my lifetime that the president isn't cool. I had Clinton. I had George W. I had Obama. At least they were cool, charismatic dudes. And it was going to be Trump versus Hillary.

And I was like, this is the first time, no matter who wins, it's not a cool person. And that has carried on for quite a while now. Quite a while. Can't believe nobody stepped up. But I kind of can because it's just like I'm not going to do this shitty job

kind of incentivize me a little bit more I'm going to risk my life and be absolutely you know how you guys like to brag about how the president makes 160 grand

not interested not good marketing it's like I make no money and guaranteed that at least 50% of the country wants me dead I'm all set on that man

the I'm sure they on that, man. I'm sure they make more than $160,000 now, but I heard that once. Well, yeah. I mean, you also write your books and you do your appearances and shit, but it's like, you know, you never have to pay for anything again.

But it's like, I'd rather just go be like a billionaire by, you know, whatever else. And then, so this is an interesting thought. If sex 200 years ago was like gross will sex 200 years from now what we do be considered gross but i think there's a really big defining like before running water and after running water sort of thing yeah it's like we're all clean and well groomed from now until the end of time but i wonder if it's kind of like demolition man Remember that movie?

I know of it. You put this headset on, and that's how you have sex. You put it on, I put it on, and we both just cum. And they're like, you touch each other? You finger her? That's gross. You don't do that anymore. So I wonder if there'll be something where it's like,

you used to put the dick in your mouth? Oh my God, you don't do that anymore. So I wonder if there'll be something where it's like, you used to put, like, the dick in your mouth? Oh, my God. We don't do that anymore. Sex in 250 years is going to be an absolute nightmare. What, you think it'll all be just robots and shit? I don't. I don't even. I think everyone's going to have a dick.

Expand. I just, I mean, like, I'm judging by the front page of pornhub like like it's not front page but browsers has people with dicks fucking people with dicks now that's like that's the mainstream one and like my man that's your algorithm tell it on yourself every 200 years that's to be your sex. What the fuck is this? All right, I'll check it out. Can I tell you something?

I watch so little porn now. I don't watch a lot of porn either. I watch it so infrequently. I am so disappointed by my front page. I'm like, this sucks. It's just like girl having sex doggie style i'm like man where's this stuff that i used to get it's all because it was all you know when i was going frequently and it was feeding me what i want now it's like like you know uh threesome

it's like it's all like so boring i go to the front page of porn i'm gonna get turned off yeah legit i'm like i'm more i'm more like appalled by how vanilla it is i'm like i'm out of the mood now that's what it starts crazy and then i scroll down and it's just like yeah i don't know if i can watch this random eastern european person have sex either i got none of this is for me i gotta get my search my search up so that it just you know i'm just gonna go to porno every day and just throw in a keyword just just to keep the register ringing you know even if I don't jerk off. Just so when the moment comes, I don't need to fucking scroll for 10 pages. Isn't Steve-O getting tits?

I heard that. I heard it was always his thing to be like my final stunt is going to be that. And then I think very recently, this month month a uh like a uh clinic uh plastic surgery like clinic like said we'll do it for you yeah that that the the neck on the head was it's a bridge too far yeah it's kind of like you were you are now a like carnival act where you used to kind of be a stunt man you know and now it like, oh, this is getting a little weird. But I also appreciate that he's like, he just doesn't fucking care.

That is crazy to be like, I'll just have tits. That's not a thing that... I think it was done by a gambler back in the day. There was someone a long time ago, I don't know if it was a gambler or a comedian, excuse me, or what, who was in debt and someone was like, if you just get breast implants for a year, I'll wipe your debt clean.

Let's Google that. And the person did it. Because I remember seeing like a black and white picture. That is, I was going to say you got to be like desperate. Yeah. But if it's like that or my kneecaps, I'll fucking, you know, I'll do it. I would try almost anything before I, you know, like I'll make this money some other way. Yeah.

Before I get tits. A full set of tits. Full tits. Those guys are guys who like just want tits. It's like, how about I'll get tits? Would that be cool? I totally don't want to, but I'll do it for the start. Brad's got a contract waiting for me. That's the thing.

You'll have an OnlyFans going right away. All right, we good? Good. Good. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.