KFC Radio - We Recap Our Eventful Texas Trip Ft. Lewis Black

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

Timecodes: 1:20 The Bruins are out and Feits is sad 22:44 Mintzy's slip up 32:15 Texas Recap 01:08:46 woman has orgasm during concert 01:17:36 Video Voicemails 01:28:20 Lewis Black Interview Teaser ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to https://barstool.link/drinkpiratewater to find pirate water in a location near you Barstool Store: Shop now at https://store.barstoolsports.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. He said it! He said it! It's another edition of KC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's the first of the month. Wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month. It is the first of the month, May 1st. Rabbit. Wake up. It's the first of the month. It is the first of the month. May 1st.

Rabbit. Rabbit. Did you do that when you were a kid? I didn't do it when I was a kid. I did it later in life. Why did you do it later in life? I don't even know. I think someone in high school.

I never really did it. I learned it with K. Marco. It might have been then. You say rabbit, rabbit on Gchat, and I was like, whatever, weirdo. Yes, that might be it. That might be it. Early going, when I didn't know who he was, I was like, Okay, weirdo. And then I realized this thing.

Paz doesn't have a seat because Vinny just jacked it. We got a new guy in the mix, and he's going to steal Jackie's job in the next couple weeks, and he stole Paz's chair day one. This guy's a mover and a shaker. Wally Pips got nothing on Vinny. Oh, you're italian huh oh god all right you're gonna have to really i guess we still have fucking pavinelli so yeah that's true but he's you know i don't know you're you're white passing

yeah you're just kind of white he looks like a guinea you don't look like you know, speaking of slurs. No, no, no, no, no. Yes. I mean, literally. Yes. But we'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll do. We'll talk.

We'll wrap things up. Very quickly. Going to say the Bruins think that's about it. Dave Portnoy. David Portnoy said he's not calling this a choke. Why? Because it's hockey? Yes.

It doesn't make any sense. Hockey is... I honestly don't know that hockey is the most unpredictable, but it's obviously up there. I think what hockey has is the most one seeds ever to lose. But the NBA has five now. I think hockey probably has like ten. Yeah.

And that's a lot. I think it is weird that the Lightning, when they had the best record of all time they got swept right yeah that's kind of crazy there is some crazy you know but i think the kings made the finals as an eight seed right one i believe john the quick yeah right that's happened in the nba but not you know crazy the knicks did it in a lockout year every every example of craziness i think other sports have had i think hockey's had more of it's more regular and everyone always knows you know it's funny being around the internet long enough there's a few takes that are uh you know like if you think that's saying all you need is

a good goalie in the in the playoffs and hockey and like you know a goalie gets hot and stands on his head anybody can make a run it's like there was a time where i think like people didn't know that or say that that much like we know now yeah everyone everything's been said on the internet that can be said about but that's not really that's not what happened here no well no and that and that that's i saw somebody saying that and they were like in a tweet and then in parentheses like not that's what's happened here but like well then why bring it up um i get that anything can happen i think dave's point was was that the Bruins were not predicted to do anything this year. They weren't, but then they became the best team of all time.

For like six straight, seven months of playing hockey. From game one to game 82, the Bruins were a fucking wagon. Well, Dave told me, now listen, you don't watch, so you don't know. I think he said that the Florida— They didn't lose at home until 2023. The season started in October 2022. Florida was a good team last year

and they just... They were the one seed last year. They won the president's cup last year. Not quite the same crew of guys. And I get... You can make the argument that... Not quite the same crew of guys at all. They got Matthew Kachuk in this offseason

that was this offseason right yeah I'm like but they got better they got better they also lost fucking Claude Giroux what it was is you know but it's somebody who didn't watch it all and then came in and is like this isn't that bad it's like

if you watch them for 80 games like Feidelberg did he goes who are you who are you to say you don't watch them I'm sitting next Feidelberg did, he goes, who are you? Who are you to say? You don't watch them. I'm sitting next to a guy who told me it's a fucking unmitigated disaster. And I think we need that in this world. Particularly with the fucking – It's like, no, it's not a big deal.

It's probably – I don't think it's Bergeron's last year, but that might have been the last time we ever see Patrice Bergeron play hockey. I think Bergeron played like five more years. I think he'll probably – These guys are so sick. It's one of those ones. It's like It just sucks that We've been saying run it back For 10 years

They blew 2013 I said this in my video last night People don't know heartbreak Like Boston sports fans know heartbreak Greatest failure of all time Greatest failure of all time Fucking disaster And I know there are a lot of people

who think that they have a tough sports life and that their teams suck and that they never win and yada yada yada you don't fucking know man you suck all the time you suck every day

you never have hope you just wake up you suck you go to bed You suck every day. You never have hope. You just wake up, you suck, you go to bed, you suck, and that's fucking life. The heartbreak that I have had to endure, that Boston sports fans have to endure, and I'm not talking about, like, fucking Curse of the Bambino shit. Go 20 years back. Start at Aaron Boone. Start at, we go Aaron Boone,

go 18-1, you go Mario Manningham, you go Philly Special losing to a backup quarterback. You can go fucking 17 seconds to Chicago.

You can go, where we at, five? You can go blowing a 3-0 series lead and become like the third or fourth team in the history of sports to do that. Blowing a 3-0 series lead and become like the third or fourth team in the history of sports

to do that. Blowing a 3-0 series lead to the Flyers. You just keep going and going. It's nothing, it's nothing but a heartbreak. It's every fucking day.

I, have you, have you, have you come to me and you say you're, you know heartbreak and you know sad sports shit. Have you lost the you come to me and you say you're, you know, heartbreaking, you know, sad sports shit. Have you lost the greatest season of all time in two separate sports?

Have you blown that? Have you blown the greatest season of all time in two separate sports? Have you blown that? Then don't talk to me. If you haven't blown that, then don't talk to me. It is, I think I only listed six. I listed Boone, 18-1, Mario Manningham,

Philly Special, 17 seconds in Chicago, 2013, 2010 was... became the third or fourth team ever to blow an 0-3 series, 3-0 series lead. That... I didn't even touch on losing a game seven in 2019 to the Blues. I didn't touch on.

Red Sox collapsed in September that one year and blew a 10-game lead. Chicken and beer. I didn't mention the Celtics because I don't know much, but they've lost two championships. Like there's a ton of just absolute, absolute soul-crushing heartbreak. There's also something about... The focal point is two temper times in 20 years, we've blown the best season in the sports history.

But you know what? I would say like... It's not that there aren't good things. Obviously, it's very good to be a well-spoken friend too. But like... The 18-1 one 73 and nine, this team, the lightning before that,

the Mariners in a one, except for the bulls in the modern era, when you break the record as like the best team in the sport, you don't win. Yeah. It's kind of weird. Isn't that bizarre? People like to say it's because that there aren't,

there weren't, um, they weren't tested. They weren't tested. They weren't tested. They weren't battle tested. I disagree with that wholeheartedly. Cause when you're the best team elite, like,

and you're trying to break the record and they weren't trying to, it was, they were so clearly going to break the record. It didn't make sense not to like, it was just like, well, Dave, according to Dave and PK Subban,

the only thing, the only reason why the Bruins were good is because they tried hard. Sure. Yeah. It was crazy. Dave just kept saying, Dave said, if you try hard, the only reason why the Bruins were good is because they tried hard. Sure. It was crazy. Dave just kept saying, Dave said, if you try hard, you'll beat the other team. And that that accounts for 10 to 15 extra wins in the regular season. If you try hard, I was just like, I guess.

They also sat their stars for like the last three weeks of the season. Like it was not like it was a rotating cast. Cause there's so many stars on the team. I wasn't going to get into it. Cause I don't know. But I remember you telling me when they left their fucking first line at home. Yeah. So it's like,

no, they weren't like trying extra hard. They didn't do anything special. They were, they just clicked and they were amazing. And, and the unthinkable happened. And it's like,

I guess you could say in hockey, it's not the unthinkable. It's the improbable, but it happens in hockey. That doesn't mean it's not a choke. And that doesn't mean that it's not the unthinkable. It's the improbable, but it happens in hockey. That doesn't mean it's not a choke, and that doesn't mean that it's not just a soul crusher. I mean, that was awful. It was awful.

I talked to you. We did three cities, four flights in four days, came home to a fucking hurricane. I don't know about your trip home, but I saw a dead dog. I saw that. I didn't watch it. I thought it it was roadkill and the guy driving was that was a dog oh my god i was like what the car stuck people outside in the rain it was a literal like biblical end of the world shit the drive from jfk to manhattan was like everything was one lane because there's so many fucking so much flooding that like you get there like in time for the game i got there like 10 minutes before the game yeah so. So, I mean, it could not have been a worse scenario.

And then you walk home in the rain. You forgot his keys as well, but he had backups. If you got locked out of your house, I think you would have killed yourself. I would have drowned myself in a puddle of scum. Like, it was – because I have a lockbox, so it ended up being okay. But there was that moment where I never used my lockbox, so I forgot I had it. And there was that moment of like, oh, my God. Yep.

Yeah. I wasn't going to walk back. No. I mean, that's either you. I don't know what I would have done. I was not walking back. Dude, my apartment right now is a mess. I went full bear last night.

Dude, I was awake for a while. I probably didn't fall asleep till like 1 a.m. I got home at, let's say, 1130 or something like that. I have clothes. My pants are here. My socks are over there. I got a bag of mangoes here. I got blue corn tortilla chips over here.

We talked about it on our live show, but we haven't really said it here. John has become cocaine bear. He's just a bull in a china shop. Multiple blankets thrown. I don't even know I had Bunch O' Crunch. I don't know where I got Bunch O' Crunch. Did you go to the movies or something? I don't a bunch i don't even know i had bunch of crunch i don't know where i got bunch of crunch did you go to the movies or something i don't know i must it must be from an old movie i don't know where i got it yo eating bunch of crunch in your house is insane i don't think i've ever even seen bunch of it's definitely from a movie i don't

know when i don't know what movie i've seen last at home i don't know i don't know when. I don't know what movie I've seen last. Spunnel at home? I don't know where my unconscious body found it, but it's somewhere I ate a bunch of brunch. It's a funny spot. Bunch of brunch at home. It's great. I don't even understand where all this came from. When I got home, I tweeted this too, but after I found

the lockbox and walked up to my door, there was a note on the door. I just got home, and now I have a whole new issue. There's this note on the door i just got home and now i have a whole new issue there's this note on the front door and let me see it says if you got flowers delivered on 429 please text me at and their number and then down here it says they were my b-day flowers with a frowny face. Like three people live in my building. So there's one person who didn't get their B-Day flowers.

There's the other person who I'm sure is giving their alibi. So that means the flowers probably got delivered to me. But they're not here. I didn't get them. I've been in Texas. So now, do I text this person and say, hey, I wasn't here, sorry. Because that sounds an awful lot like a text someone who stole your flowers would send. But do I just ignore them and let them think

forever that I stole their phone? I don't have, there's no way out of this. Like, I'm just the only other person. But I wasn't here. So I don't know who the fuck. That said, something to the effect of, if you got flowers delivered on 429. Oh, right. It was like, and it was heavily taped to the door.

Like, this person wants them. If you got flowers delivered on 429, please, Caps Lock, call me at insert number. And the bottom is a bit of a PS. It says PS, or they were my birthday flowers with a frowny face. Now, wait. Before you, like, does anybody else here think that that would be a big deal? If there was a note that said if anybody got flowers just let me know now but here's the deal john was fretting over this there are three people

who live in my building the other two are women upstairs i'm on the first floor they're on second third there are three people who are women i imagine that a woman sees that note and is like, oh, my God, that's awful. I got to tell her it wasn't me. And so she would reach out. He needs to clear himself. Well, because I'm the only other person. I think to me, it's like, if you got it, you have to tell me. And if not, your silence means, like, you don't have it. But I do get that there's only three people in the building.

So it's like, Janet probably called her up and said, it's not me. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. That's us. Oh, I bet that fucking weirdo downstairs who sounds like a bear every night is the one who stole it. The guy with an empty bedroom that just has a boxing thing in it who regularly beats it. But they don't know that. Oh, they hear me. Hit that.

Oh, they hear that. Oh, Kevin. It shakes the whole building. I'm not kidding. They probably call you like Earthquake. It is. I only do it like. I call you earthquake. It is. I only do it like- I think you're like the whale.

I only do it like 20 minutes, like three times a week, but for 20 minutes, three times a week, that building's bang. I've knocked paintings off my own walls. I know. They feel it everywhere. So you think, I don't know. I just wouldn't feel the need to have to respond to that. I think you're overthinking it.

I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but it doesn't, but it's what's happening. Yeah. Say it. Just don't be suspect. Just be like, I didn't take it.

That's suspect. It could, because guess what? It was Saturday. That's what I mean. Cause she's not saying I need everyone to call me and like, give me your alibi or something. She's just like,

if you have them, let me know. You don't have them. Don't let her know. I, she knows. You could say something.'s just like if you have them let me know you don't have them don't let her know i she knows you could say something what about like um hey uh you know i know there's only a couple of us in the building so just wanted to let you know i haven't seen those flowers but i'll keep an eye out or something if they do get delivered that makes there's a reason why to text then it's almost like whoever denied it supplied it sort of thing so but if you say to her

but I'll keep an eye out or you know I'll check I'll double check that nobody you know make up some shit so there's like an extra thing as to why you would have tried yeah I do get that if you're just like nope it wasn't me

particularly two days later where you've been for two days? You can say you're on travel. And also, by the way, I don't know if this is the woman or not, because again, there's only two. But I have met one of them. And she's a person of some notoriety.

She told me to follow her on Instagram. I did, and she has a verified account. She's in Hamilton, and she has pictures with Beyonce. Bro, what? Yeah, she's someone of note. She was just in the biggest Broadway production ever, and she has pictures with the most famous person ever.

What's her at, bro? But she has a lot less followers than me and didn't follow me back. So she's already suspect. She's not a big fan of old Johnny. Do you know her at? I know her name. That is... Well, how many followers does she have?

Let me find out. Because, like, would she know? When you guys get followed, do you get a notification? Do you get followed by somebody big? Is that a thing? Priority. I think I know what that means. I don't really use Instagram the way... I don't know how to spell her name.

We're so dumb. We're so bad. She's hot. Yeah, she's hot. There was a girl who lived below me who there's a couple people.

She's not verified anymore. Oh, wait. she's not verified anymore oh wait who was she in she was yeah that's a major fucking part is that not supposed to say that because then you can figure out who she is there's a lot of different

yeah man I would be like you know what I would do I would just get her flower Is that not supposed to say that? Because then you can figure out who she is or something? I don't know. There's a lot of different ******, right? Yeah, man. I would be like, you know what I would do? I would just get her flowers. And I'd be like, I don't know what happened, but, you know, someone as talented and beautiful as you are deserves flowers. Baby girl. Like, here you go. Two dozen red roses for my girl.

Let me in. See? These are the things we worry about i i don't like like people are probably listening at home and there's probably 50 of the audience is a bunch of anxiety ridden weirdos who are with you that's the one picture i've watched oh no it's with beyonce so i like it but it's from The Lion King, and they're in, like, you know, African animal garb. It was her first professional show ever. Good for her. This girl's amazing.

How many followers? 19,000. She's got a band. John. Yeah, and she doesn't have flowers. And she doesn't have flowers. Anyway. She's probably like, that white doesn't have flowers. And she doesn't have flowers. Anyway.

She's probably like, that white boy stole that shit. That's fucking funny. Do you know if the other girl is black? I don't know. That would be funny if it was just two black girls being like, this fucking white guy stole our shit. Who just beats his walls. They're probably so afraid of you. Oh, by the way, she also thinks I killed my ex-girlfriend For sure

I saw her fairly recently Right right I was like ah she's been traveling a lot I just don't want to have the whole conversation That's just me now So I just told her She works a lot You're just doing fan fiction oh this chick thinks i stole her flowers and killed my girlfriend she for sure thinks that i mean i always wonder that like

like uh doormen and like uh if you have a regular at the bar you have a regular bartender when you pick up and go they're just like oh we i've told the story before but we once had an intern that we think died and then uh uh yeah he used to like talk with brendan like every day almost for a while and he was really motivated he was like i can do this and that and i'm willing to do anything and then uh he disappeared for like 10 years and then we got an email uh like two years ago but yeah the guy emailed back eventually being like hey sorry about that like handled this poorly didn't like i oh he did get back yeah like 10 years later he was just like i'm in over my head or i i just i was like a dumb college kid and i just said like fuck it and i

like go see you guys. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I was like, we're just happy. You're not dead. Yeah. Um,

anyway, anyway, this is all to say that I had a really tough rough night. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I,

as much as I still do disagree with you, I have now, I got a little bit of a taste of that, you know, when you're good and you lose and you have the expectations. But it's, that sucks. But it's also like, it's legendary. Like it's, it's not, it's not like I did.

Like I said, I didn't mention the just losing in the championships. Right. There's all the losses are iconic losses. It's not just like, oh, like I did that. Those happen too. But I'm not just. I think you also. It's very rare that a championship doesn't have some sort of iconic.

Yeah. The Philly special is the one. And on the other hand, like the Malcolm Butler interception, you were on the right side. Yeah. So it's like you always have. It's always. It's just that you remember the iconic losses more.

But I mean, I wept over the Mets. I was a grown man crying afterwards because that, that like you, you end up, I don't know if you felt this way or if you just like really enjoyed watching them, but like there were like storylines about the team that I was like relating to. And I was like, if these guys win this, this championship, it means this, you know, like, like it represents this thing that I was like,

really, you know, it meant a lot to me or whatever. It was like, this is like a fucking death. All of a sudden you, so it's like a breakup. You know,

if you dated somebody for like six or seven months and fell in love with them and then they were gone, it's like, that's what happens. And you can get fucking emotional over that shit and it's stupid and it's dumb but i mean and for you to have to do all that on camera that was that was inhumane what they did to you i know what they did to you it was your choice and i saw people being like i tweeted it out i was like john did three cities and three nights

and four flights and then he has to go to game seven. And they're like, Oh, like, you know, there are ditch diggers and fucking Mason builders who are, you know, whatever. I'm like,

shut the fuck up. You dumb goddamn assholes. I know at the end of the day, it's not a big deal, but that's what we do as fanatics. We're nuts. We, we,

we're, we cry and scream and yell over the shit. We assign too much emotion to it. That's all. And hurt my knee. Yeah. You felt bad. Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go, Johnny! Oh, no, John. Oh, no. Three balls. Oh, wow. Yeah, help him up. Dude, I got the

bill and I took a piss And it was like I haven't eaten in a year You overreached for a high five I was wearing just some of my socks So I also stepped on something You went down It kind of made me fall Lose my balance a little bit

And I gave Hank a second high five Are you going to need surgery because of your fucking performance? When I woke up at like 3am to go pee I was like because I hadn't moved in so long I was like oh this is broken One of the worst feelings in the whole world when you do something dumb like that

Did you see someone pointing out you sound like Frank from Sunny when you fall? No That's fucking great. That's exactly what he does. But here's what I will say about all this. Sometimes, like you were saying with the iconic wins, the iconic losses, life always finds the balance.

And I woke up this morning at 10 a.m., which is late, and I was like, I couldn't get out of bed. And I was like, am I depressed? Am I sick? I could not get out of bed. And then I got a text from you. I actually called you first because I wanted to say it. Oh, fuck.

I didn't see that. I got to do it. Sometimes the do not disturb, give it and take it away. I was going to say, I don't know whether you need to incorporate it into a skit or on stage or blog about it. Having to call everybody twice is so fucking annoying oh i've gotten in i've gotten in genuine fights about it with with like people i was seeing like like i called you or they called you no i called you i was like do not i was like figure out a way how i'm not on do not disturb yeah yeah you can do that second call

it's so annoying like i know it's coming do it I know it's coming. And you have to do it, like, fast enough, right? Yeah. I know I have to do it. But I was like, it's just like, and I'm on the other side of it now. I'm like, it's just helpful for me. Yep. And I'm like, I don't care. It's not helpful for me then. The double call is one of the, yeah, it's like the ATI question. What are you most surprised about five years later?

It's like that you have to call everybody twice. Yeah, but I sent the text instead. And it's a text I never, well, not never. Not in my wildest dreams. In my regular dreams, it was probably there. Bro, I have been laughing at Ben Mintz saying the N-word all fucking morning. It answers the question, is a white person saying the N-word funny? It's hilarious.

Is that a question? It is. It made me think of the Showtime show Talking Funny, which was Ricky Gervais, Louis C.K.,k jerry seinfeld and chris ross yes when they start dropping it hard and they're they're talking about like is like like i think seinfeld says to louis ck something along the lines of like well you see the humor in it and he's like yeah and this was a long time it was like 10 years ago and uh it's probably 15 years ago and then like they're saying and louis actually describing one of his bits where a guy makes a coffee and he goes,

Oh, that didn't work. Made the shit out of my coffee. One of my least favorite bits of mine. I never got it. I didn't think, I don't know why that was. He thought that was funny.

It just, I don't know. It was obviously not to me, a white man. I'm not offended by it, but I was just like, I don't think this is funny. I have finally found a funny clip of a white person saying,

yeah, it is up. Rorious. It's just, and, and I know, I know there are certain people who have a zero tolerance policy and that's fine.

And I know there are people who are going to just clip, you know, him saying it and no apology or anything. And just when you hear and see him say that word, you can't get upset. Stroke. He has a stroke. Ben's printed the lyrics, the explicit lyrics. apology or anything and just when you hear and see him say that word you can't get upset stroke he has a stroke bedman's printed the lyrics the explicit lyrics to the first of the month saw the n-word was like all right brain when you see that say something different and thought it

was gonna go okay Let's watch it. It's one thing on our show, I feel like we have a little more fun with things. You can't really take things to social media, but man, did I want to tweet Stella Blue that my light roast was acting a little dark today. Excuse me, can I filed a complaint dude it was it was unbelievable it's the way he says it and the way should we start putting

and uh this should we start putting uh wake up mincey on the barstool n-word uh feed he ron burgundy'd himself into a racial into a fucking i know people who hate are gonna hate it but if there's ever a point if there's ever a situation where context and intent and all that comes into play it's this mincy after he said the n-word sounds like me after i fall and honestly if you if you were like if you went to hollywood and you said all right like here's what's gonna happen in the pilot there's this guy does a morning show. The whole fan base gets on him for pre-recording a morning show. So the next day, on that next week, he's got to do it live for the morning and really prove it is live. And he says the end bomb.

They get out of here. That script is too unreal. They're like, no, you don't understand. This man is the human form of Kevin carrying chili. Got something good. Got something good. of Kevin carrying chili. Got something good, got something good. And just the mere fact, by the way,

Ben Mintz trying to recite Bone Thug's lyrics in and of itself is hilarious. Like, nobody can recite Bone Thug's lyrics. It's goddamn impossible. Kevin, I'm glad you said that. Nick, could you bring us out the more bone thugs lyrics please no let's do it let's see how far you know the song i have no idea i mean i know oh i know wake up wake up it's the verse of the month like the verses are so hard to read we're gonna end up saying it this is so long sorry we're not live i actually when when mince uh

pre-recorded a show the other day um i tweeted like shirts that go hard had a shirt that was like things i hate uh i'm gonna pull it up real quick it's things i hate um give me a second here is things i don't like racism 9-11 society and i photoshopped and added pre-recorded morning shows so now i have to do an update where i cross out pre-recorded morning shows i put a question mark i'm on the fence Oh, man. Let me see those real quick. Hang on. Quick side note.

Something very funny is PFT did ban him from saying certain words to this episode. He was not allowed to say pardon my or cheesesteak. So that was in his head the whole time. Like, I know. There's a chance he walked away being like, I didn't say it. I'm going to switch the N-word with Mincy every time. Okay, let's do that.

Let's just open up with you singing the first of the month. It's hard. This is a verse by... I'll do the verse where they say the N-word the most. Seems like it's this one by Wish, maybe. I can't... We'll take time. I'll actually time i'll actually count one two three four by crazy uh two by busy one two three four five six seven by wish seems like it's wishes is the winner so here we go and you you you know

you've heard bone thug songs before. You know how fast they rap. You know. Oh, I gotta go fast too? Oh, dude, this is so fast it doesn't sound like words. Alright, I also can't read, so. Are we playing the song? No, I'll just go. I'll go. I don't even know what the beat is.

Okay. This is just, this is KFC Radio just welcoming you into May. Or April, what is it, May, yeah. It's going to be May. Oh, yeah, first lyric is perfect. It's the first of the month. Got to grind, got to get mine.

I'm in the hood and I claim. I slang on the double nines. Got to find them dubs. Going to get a 40, can't let the thug get a love. What's up, trying to stand in my corner. Mincy, you's a goner. St. Clair of Mincy's. Don't go like that.

And selling them dummies. Making that money. Come back. Mincy get pop pop. From the first to the 15th. Mincy smoke plenty weed. But I got to save up. Got to come up.

Put my rocks on the cut. Want to get high? Mincy blaze that blunt. Huh? Time to roll to the pad. Count my profits. Add it to the stash. Got to watch my backseat.

For the Mincy's that's trying to rob me, fool. But never got no shorts, never no losses, dumping, keeping these minceys off of me. Got shirts to hold blocks, spent a couple bills, dunk smoke on a lot of weeds on the first. Got to keep these minceys off me. Oh my god. I mean, the fact that the fact that we now have minceys is just one of my minceys.

It already kind of sounds like it's just so fucking perfect. My minceys. You are distraught. You are distraught. That's the funniest thing I've ever seen. If you just showed me that out of context, I'd be like, did this guy kill somebody? Is he apologizing for manslaughter? Oh my God.

Gotta keep these mincemeat off me. Oh, boy. All right. So we're back in New York from what I think was our most successful road trip ever. I think so. I think those were our best shows ever. I think we've gotten exponentially better at being on stage while also this week just provided us with great material.

The fun part of the trip is that we just like kind of create a show on there. It's like the show in Boston will be completely different. Yeah. I think that we are entering a time where live podcasting is about to get it's, it's some respect. I think,

uh, dude, HBO, HBO just paid for smart lists to get some respect. I think... Dude, HBO just paid for Smartless to do their tour, and they're going to, like, stream it. Who's that? Smartless. Fucking Arnett. Yeah, okay, right, right, right. Yeah, I think that it's like anything else,

like in the beginning, blogging, and then eventually podcasting was kind of, like, viewed as, like, this sloppy this sloppy silly hobby whatever thing and then when comedians start to do live podcasts and they kind of go like oh shit these like these are hard too you know what i mean like i think i think it was almost like you know and i still think his stand-up comedy is like the better of the two right good stand-up comedy at least but you know i we go up every time with a different a different set you know that's totally different but where like no i mean like we started with something in houston and we added in dallas and we right by the time by the time if we were to do a true tour, we'd do like 20 cities in 30 days or something like that.

By the 20th episode, the 20th night. Six hours. Yeah, it would be like, there'd be jam-packed because it'd be like, guess what happened yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. And we kind of, when we go on these trips every month, we make sure that we go to do a certain thing each day. I don't even know if I should say we make sure. We go to do a certain thing each day i don't even know i should say we make sure we just end up doing things that day and when you live life and you're around these like people like this like weird shit happens like you hang out with your minceys and just shit pops off and like you you have material for that night and um i i think we've kind of nailed the format.

I don't know how... I've been saying we need to get the perfect hype video or highlight reel or whatever because they just need the people to know to buy tickets. Speaking of that, we should send Cases of Pirate Water.

If you're the dude dressed up as Amsterdam, me and the pirate, we're going to get you. We got to get Allison with the t dressed up as amsterdam me and the pirate we're gonna get you we gotta get no we gotta get allison with the t-shirt we gotta get the pirate yeah the uh anyone who shows out that that's what's cool so like we'll get you hooked up with some allison and aaron i'm sending some stuff our first show in houston engaged engaged couple couple couple came to our show they fucking uh irish goodbye their own engagement party let's do the highlights the highlights i think what really makes the show the show is the shit that we run that you know you can't see on the podcast and then like the audience becomes part of the

show and we had i think that's why i say it was our most successful. I think we had our best crowds ever from just like a laughter point of view, but also like they were part of the show. Yeah, yeah. The first night we did the now infamous French fry Holocaust question, voicemail, and this girl stands up and there's kind of like a commotion in the crowd and then like the lights go on and she's got a shirt on. Oh, fuck. I meant to bring it in today.

Fuck. I left it at my house. A shirt that has Star of David greater than McDonald's arches. And the only way you can wear the shirt in public, but it is inaccurate. Yeah, it's just factually incorrect. I'm sorry. We did the math. The arches absolutely trounces the star of

david and if you want to say that you know the jewish people are better than mcdonald's we can have that debate as well yeah we'll have the debate would you like i mean on the one hand you have a big mac french fries on the other hand you have like larry david yeah we both went to one yeah i just think that that mcdonald's roster is deeper you know than the jewish people yeah i i i think the jewish people catch a lot of flack that they don't deserve i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm just saying you know there's not as many um but so that girl dressed up and then that girl's fiance pops up and he's like hey i got an am i the asshole for you am i the asshole for finding my my soon-to-be wife's mugshot and sending it to her for friends to print on a t-shirt for her bachelorette party part two am i the asshole for sending said mugshot

to kfc radio and then going to their show and bam we put nick goes into his into the dms and we find on the fly the mugshot that that he found for for shoplifting when you bump into someone who wasn't arrested for drinking it was something entirely something entirely different. It's, it's quite jarring, but I was so happy that it was shoplifting because I got this girl, 17. She was yelling. She was like, I've never even seen my mugshot.

And like, so I was thinking like, this is something that was like, she wants to forget. And it is her inner past. And I was, I didn't know what the crime was going to be. It's like,

she's, you know, arrested for like battery or some shit, beat up a kid. And she's a teacher. She beat up a kid in school or something. Turns out it's just shoplifting because every girl in the world... Did you go through a shoplifting phase, Jackie?

Microphone? You never stole anything? I... This feels like one of those things where Jackie would be like, well, I stole all those clothes from Macy's and I did this and I did that. No, I won't scan at some things. Oh, that doesn't count.

I never. I stole my pizza in Austin. I went. I'm just trying to think what the hotel was. I called up the place that we went. I love that pizza. So the second night, I went to that pizza. Oh, okay, okay.

So I called them, and I was like. I was thinking Houston. Because that was like a bar. Yeah, yeah. It had food. It was a bar. So I called them, and I was like that was like a bar it had food but it was a bar so I called them and I was like do you guys do take out they said yes so I said okay and they were like we're going to put it in two different boxes because we don't have like pizza

boxes on hand very clearly they're not in a take out place so I get there I ask the hostess the hostess is like you gotta go to the bartenders the bartenders are like you gotta go to the hostess eventually I get someone who's like, it's coming out. And eventually they just put a bag at the end of the bar. And I go and I grab it. And I look at her and

she's like, bye. And I look at the bartenders and I'm like, bye. And I was kind of, it was commotion. What was that, Jacqueline? Her salad. Oh. Is it her salad? I mean, it hurt her salad box. Oh, I wish it went everywhere.

And so I just walked out. I was like, I don't know you guys. I tried. Yeah. I tried many times. I even said, can you ring me up while we wait? And he said, no, I'm busy making drinks. I was like, I tried.

I put, if you put in the college effort, like you went to the scanner. Yeah. And the machine breaks. You have to plug it in. I'm like, nope, i'm just stealing these grapes um so we had the the t-shirt plus the mugshot uh in in austin we had a guy dress up in the pirate water costume as well as the feidelberg amsterdam costume which never crossed my mind is going to be a smash hit halloween yeah it was way it's a long time we'll have to remind the people in the fall through you know whatever social media whatever

gotta remind people it was just so early though but this kid pulled that fit off yeah i told him i was like joking i thought we were like fucking around with each other and i was like i was like get off stage you look too good and he just did felt bad about that. They were only up there for like 20 seconds. I was like, I had a million questions for you guys. There was the green boots couple. There was the engaged couple that I've never seen anything like this. This guy stands up. This other guy. And he's like, we were doing Q&A.

That's another thing. We get very interactive with the audience these days. And he says, am I the asshole for leaving my friend's engagement party early no skipping just skipping it left early left left early to come to this show right now and as he's doing it this couple that's two seats down yeah right from him go we are the are an engaged couple and we left our engagement party early, left all of our friends and family at the house, and just came here. And that poor bastard, he just got his question.

He was really trying to get it through. It was like, this couple have their party. You're out. He kept being like, so wait, am I the asshole? You're the asshole right now for not understanding that your story just got trounced, dude. Absolutely fucking murdered. Sorry to tell you, man.

It's over. And so it was just like the best crowds we've had. Also, let's not forget, lest we forget, the woman in Dallas who during the meet and greet came up to us and said she was going to cry. And I said, don't cry. I'll cry too. And then I said, just kidding cry. I'll cry too. And then I said, just kidding. I don't feel feelings.

And then she said, well, my boyfriend just died and he's the one who introduced me to this show. And I was like, Oh no, I'm going to cry. But that was a lie. Cause I actually can't feel feelings.

Cause I really was trying to cry. But she was awesome i was sad that was incredibly sad that was she was awesome that was cool too though and r.i.p to i i don't i don't think we got his name but r.i.p to him there was that six foot ten guy there was that one guy did you see the one guy who came up and very loudly was like i wasn't gonna wait online but there was a hot chick in front of me so i stayed or behind me so i stayed there and then that girl came up and i was like she very clearly heard that like stay away from that dude i had the girl come up to me who said do you remember you did a cameo last year for a girl who said that kfc is is her hall pass and i was like uh yeah like vividly like vaguely and she was like that's me she was there with her fiance who very much i don't know if you noticed this he was hugging and

hanging and dapping you up and to me he was like hello nice to meet you and rightfully so i wouldn't like me either if my soon-to-be wife was like the one guy i want i'm gonna be able to fuck outside the parameters of our relationship is this guy right here very right now so attainable so attainable like could it dm me that night who fucking knows we're not talking about goddamn dicaprio you know um so that was super awkward uh the dead the dead girlfriend the boyfriend was a tough one there was that corporate group that like they had like a team yeah talk about like you know uh maybe we should take some cues from them on how to do like corporate morale go to clubs like you take me to a comedy club like

that i'm in yeah by the way i do want to uh by the powers vested in me, I am crowning John Henry Feidelberg the Barstool Beast of the Month. That marathon we had on Monday, last Monday we recorded for like seven hours straight. So we had to get everything done before our trip. And then we went into, as I said, the three shows and four flights in three days or whatever it was. And then you went into a brutal game seven, you're in beast mode, bro. Some do the least. John does the beast.

I mean, he is just deserving. I'll wear the jacket. Put that on you. Put that jacket on me. I'll wear the jacket to my Tibetan monk party tonight. Tibetan monk party? Yeah. What's that mean?

I'm going to light myself on fire. Was that a Tibetan monk? Yeah. Yeah. They're big time public. Self-immolation. Self-immolation. Self-immolation, yeah.

That's a great word. But it was all in all just an awesome trip but it's just so funny you never know like the uh the the houston trip was we had all those problems with the tickets where the club was only selling them in batches of four and six so the tickets weren't moving at the last second we learned that they were doing that so we changed it and then it was ended up end up being like you know uh let, 75% full because we didn't have enough time to sell out. And I thought that was our best crowd of the week. So every show is different.

And I think we've really hit our stride with incorporating everybody and everything. Get a little confidence up there. Yeah, I really think more than anything, I say this all the time, but the live show is the number one example of it. If we were like 25, 26 again, and it was like this already, we could do that show seven nights a week. And we'd have the energy to travel and party

and all that shit. And I mean, I still think it's, it's going to really snowball and become a very successful tour. And not that we were like speaking of Wilbur, Wilbur and Connecticut, Wilbur, Wilbur has like, I think like a hundred tickets left out of like the a thousand.

Um, I think Stanford's like pretty, pretty sold out. I'm not sure. And then we've got, uh, in the fall, we've got Minneapolis, Detroit, and Buffalo.

Now, we scheduled Buffalo on a Sunday in football season, which that's the other thing we're still just figuring out. Every time we book something, there's like we're like, well, we didn't think about that. Well, we didn't think about that. And we didn't think about Bill's Mafia on a Sunday. We were just trying to get the city and the theater secured. It's it's like oh there's a reason why november 17th is open because

no one's going to try to compete with the bills on a sunday in the city of buffalo however day opening day we sold like almost over half the tickets so we're like november 19th so uh you know maybe we'll get a buy. Maybe you play on Thursday or a Monday. Who knows? Maybe, um, it's a day game and you roll right into the club.

Absolutely. Fucking maybe on Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. I think it would be cool if it was a 1 PM game and then you just come to the club. Yeah. Hammer. Yeah. The bills always come in and hammered anyway.

Yeah. Um, So really, I think the one show only tour is really worth the time and money. If everybody who comes, I mean, it's like weird. It's like people buy tickets. Of course, they're going to like the show. But every show, we make sure we kind of pull the audience and find out which people got dragged by a significant other either a boyfriend or a girlfriend who don't know our show and those people there's always like five or six of them every show and every time those people come up

in the meeting room and say i didn't know who you were this is my first exposure to the show and like that was awesome so it really i feel like it would be very strange if they were like, hated it. And it was like, they're seeing if he loves it. You guys compatible at all? At all. Yeah. But I have a similar sense of humor. Like you, I could, I could still see being like, okay, you can go get the picture.

I'll take it. But they're always like, I want in on it too now, you know? So, and not by, like, by no means am I saying there's been plenty of people doing live podcasts for a long time now, but you know, we started doing them in what, like 2016 maybe. I mean,

the very first one was probably even earlier than that. The one at saloon. And I really, I really just wish we had like committed and done it like every fucking summer or every day or whatever, because by now we'd be, I think even bigger but you know we're always on some OG

shit figuring out things like as soon as possible so I think we got the live show format and style down so get your tickets Boston, Connecticut, Minneapolis Detroit, Buffalo all in that order a few months apart so go get them we're coming while you're listening make sure you go check out the barstool

store or don't i don't care there's no brewing stuff gives a shit i don't know go check out sad boy get sad boy season stuff because i had so many brewing shirts that i was gonna put out and now there are none and we can't put out any. So go buy a Bruin. No, don't go buy a Bruin shirt because you can't. You'd look ridiculous in a Bruin shirt. So go get your Sad Boy stuff. Go get – we got Rangers. Devils are still in it as I speak. By the time you listen to this, it will be someone different.

I'm sure they will be one of the other gear. All that stuff for the hockey playoffs, NBA playoffs. Skeleton shirts. Oh, plenty of skeleton shirts. It's skeleton shirt season. I saw a couple Miami Heat skeleton shirts out there. Get Am I the Asshole or

answer the internet to fun explicit board games to play. Do it all. Go to store.barcelsports.com Go. Now, when we do go on tour, it's weird because we just did three shows and talked about all these different things and then but technically you know it's only only uh let's say

like around like 2 000 people saw that you know so we have a huge audience that we didn't use some of this material on and uh the the some of them were just like news stories and shit that we can leave in the past. But the experiences we had in Texas, we went to that thing, squeaks all the fucking time, all the time. Right.

Like now I hear it. Cause I was like, I was like, you guys are, I'll be honest. I can hear it now when I put on the podcast, I can't hear it, but I don't know if you have noise canceling and you listen to it all the way up. Yeah. You probably do hear it. I didn't hear it when I listened on the podcast, but if you can hear it now. When I put on the podcast, I can't hear it. But I don't know if you have noise canceling and you listen to it all the way up.

Yeah. You probably do hear it. I didn't hear it when I listened on the podcast. But if you can hear it, it's got to be a fucking disaster. It's all over here. Yeah. So we went to the National Funeral Museum in Houston. It's extra loud right now, though, right?

Right? I mean, it's always been that loud. It sounds like there's a goddamn titty bird like there's a god you never pointed it out oh man it's always been this loud uh ever since one person commented i've noticed that and yeah um i would stop listening to this podcast right away yeah this is a massive problem please i might even record the podcast might end because of this. When people were like, stop the squeaking. I was like, what are you talking about?

Now I'm like, get me out of here. I do love that people thought it was a chair and somebody was just like fidgety. Well, I didn't. But also, that's what it was at the old studio. That's what I was going to say. It was like, that was next door. That's a valid guess. So we go to the National Funeral Museum, and there's a lot of shit.

There's popes. There's presidents. All sorts of famous people and their funerals and all these little. Paul Walker, RIP. Paul Walker, Billy Mays here. Hi, Billy Mays here. He had a bucket of OxyClean next to him. So it has a bunch of trinkets and paintings and murals and statues of all these different famous people and famous things that died and the funerals that go along with them.

But the very first thing, that very first thing when you walk in the door is the triple wide, the triple wide coffin built in 1930 i don't know where do you know where it did i didn't say where i don't think i i i can i you keep going i will look up the picture because i have a picture that i it was not readable during the shows right um but so this this thing is enormous it's about three humans wide roughly it's about two and a half to be honest and you'll find out why uh it's huge you know think of your regular steady like your regular rectangular coffin and now just imagine it being a gigantic square um it does not have a square. And this was in 1930. The little plaque described

there was a married couple that tragically lost their small child, died, and they were so grief-stricken that the husband went to the funeral home and said, Hey, buddy,

me and homegirl just made a pact. I'm going to kill her and shoot myself. You got to bury all three of us in the triple Y. And when I tell you we were fucking howling, laughing at that. Cooler heads prevailed. And they eventually said, you know what? We don't want to do it. And then they demanded a refund.

As if this guy who just made a triple Y can do anything with it. Like, what am I going to do with this? It's a song. I've been in your pussy. Rubbing your asshole. You cannot put this back. A lot of baggage with it i don't know if anyone else wants to fucking use this thing i think of the uh i mean it it would be great for

a fat person yeah it's not you know not deep enough but i mean the triple wide was dude the fucking uh i was gonna say it reminded me the of the image I created in my head of the couple. It was like when Mac and Charlie committed suicide. And Charlie's explaining to Mac how he's going to stab him in the throat. And then, depending how gruesome that is, I'll do it to myself. I'll figure it out, yeah. Just the husband sitting down with the wife, nice bottle of fucking toilet wine or whatever they drank back then. Like, all right, babe, so I'll whatever they drank back then. All right, babe.

So I'll go get the musket. And how brutal your fucking head goes. And then having to explain that to the funeral director. Like, the funeral director not reporting that to the police is crazy. The man was about to commit murder. And I was going to say, like, well, I don't know what the police situation was. Yeah, I do. It was the 1930s.

My grandmother was alive. If it was like the 1700s, it'd be like, there are there are no laws like i'm sure this happens all the time triple hides it wasn't worth reporting to the police that a guy came and said i'm gonna murder my wife it's very ancient egypt is what it is yeah like we all gotta go we're all getting in the fucking tomb uh it's like i am hard up for money so it's been a while since someone in town died so sure however i can get it i guess i'll take these commissioned fucking caskets i can't believe people who had had coffins coffin makers weren't just murderers yeah right you got you need a coffin no i'm good not anymore you got access to a bank whenever you need it.

Yeah. I could really use about $300, whatever casket ran back then. That's a great point. I feel like caskets should have been government made back then. We only make them when we need them. You guys are just creating your own demands. It's like insider trading. The government should run caskets like they run money.

Yeah. We're going to do what we need. Run the printing machines a couple more. Inflation's been flake. So that was Houston. And then we were like, God damn. And there was a bunch of other things. There was this hot chick there. And I said, the Pope used to suck this guy's dick. She heard me and she didn't like that. was a like a three-year-old child was there

it was a lot of material martin luther king's section at the funeral home is not great martin luther king got a tribute that texas would approve of put it that way put it that way i do recommend checking out the funeral home it is it. It is fun. Museum. Museum. Yeah. Either or. And then we go to Austin or Houston. I don't remember. I don't know. They all blow together. And we were like, how is this place going to provide us any sort of material?

And there were there were like events going on at the hotel conventions. And me and John hop on the elevator and he goes, bro, something weird is going on at this hotel. And I said, you're fucking right, man. You're telling me. And it turns out we both were looking at wildly different things. He goes, there's just so many black men in dresses. And I go, there's a bunch of Asian kids wearing red. What are you talking about?

And it turns out that at the same time at our hotel was the black trans community, uh, pageant beauty pageant and vex robotics was happy, was having the robotics championship of America at the hotel, which was, I don't know if it's strictly an Asian thing or they just dominate the field. Yeah.

If you're a white kid, you're not making it in the regional. You're getting to local, maybe. You're going to the American Legion. You're not going to the fucking convention hall in Austin. If you make it past a robot contest uh contest at the knights of columbus you are a fucking wonder kid good for you yeah yeah so those two things combined were happening all at once uh it's where i first realized that i have an issue with the trans community really yeah it's a hilarious statement pray tell it well because

here's the deal dude here's the deal and don't worry everyone will be okay with this like your idea i'm sure everyone's like what the fuck i think we'll be okay maybe not maybe i'll say the n-word can we can we just call it the n-word and just keep calling it minceys? Yeah, maybe I'll say minceys. You know what we should do? Is just make a super cut like the one of Rogan, where it's just like, and that's when minceys said minceys, minceys, minceys, minceys, minceys, minceys, minceys, these minceys,

I can't stand it, minceys, minceys, minceys. Like the minceys super cut. But the, in life, I'm going to speak for myself here, the most trans people I see are professionally trans. You boys got some numbers to delete. I mean, like, actors, actresses. Professional.

You do this 24-7, dog. This is like a job for you. Hey, what's up? Is this Rick's Cabaret? Yeah. You ever want to go pro? But they're people who are actors. They're celebrities.

They're put together as stylists is what I mean. And every time you see someone. So they're like perfect clothing that fits their body perfectly and all that. Damn. All right. Yeah. Liver and cocks is what we're talking about. Liver and cocks. It's liver and cocks.

But then when it's like a lower level beauty pageant, you're like, dude, you can't be wearing a Forever 21 dress and shoes. That is ridiculous. It's like just seeing a celebrity on the red carpet. And they're like, oh, this is what people look like. You guys have no fashion sense. I saw someone wearing a yellow dress and red shoes. Come on. No way can you pull that off.

Who the fuck do you think you are, dude? That's crazy. That was crazy. They were out because I was like, no way do you have the legs to pull that off. Forget about grown ass men. Oh, my God. Come on, bro. Come on.

It's like Joey doing the weather. Come on, bro. Come on. It's like Joey doing the weather. Come on, Joe. That was Austin, man. That was Texas for us. Texas Forever Street. We had some good times. Went to the Joe Rogan's Comedy Club, Comedy Mothership. It was cool.

It took your phone, so we didn't do any pictures or videos or anything like that from from the club so i don't have anything to show from that but it was a good scene it's for sure like a good uh good club obviously but then you need the people in it so as long as the talent's there i'm sure that that club will thrive because it is a well made and like comfortable club i did not make that trip trip. I was home watching Bruins game six, which they lost. Tough. It was the... I was telling you in the hotel, in the airport yesterday, that

it was tough to lose a game. It's also tough to watch a playoff game in a hotel room, because you have nowhere to sit and watch. So I just stood watching the game the whole time, because you can't lay in bed. You can't lay in bed and watch a playoff game. You get too jacked up. The chair is off in some random ass corner. Every hotel chair is just

for a cuck. No fucking hotel chairs make any goddamn sense. You want to sit in the corner and watch your wife get fucked? That's the reason for that chair. No one else uses that chair for any reason at all. Would you rather be a cuck or the bowl? I think it's called.

I mean, probably. I think it's called. Is it the bowl? I think it's called the bowl. Oh, it's called the bowl. Yeah. I think I'd have a hard time performing as the bowl. Yeah.

Also, I feel like I'd get heckled. This is the fucking guy? This is how you want him? This is what's worth breaking up, basically, our marriage? I think, though, just in a vacuum. You're willing to go to hell for this? You're breaking the vows? You're going to violate the commandments?

You made a promise at an altar, and this is what you're breaking it for? That's funny. That's a great skit. Fucking, yeah, swinging gone bad or whatever. I think just in a vacuum, it's easier. Literally, I tried to put it in once. That's a bad idea. You ever done that?

You ever put your dick in a vacuum? Oh, no. Yeah, do that. It's scary. I don't think so. Maybe when I was really young. How old? Like, you know, when you're sick and you're digging everything.

That first era. I'm 33. You know what? In my eras tour, it was my vacuum era. It was like 13, you know? I definitely, I might have like hit myself with it. By the way, speaking of hitting myself with it. With your dick?

Yeah, kind of just like as I was. My mom was a vacuumer, so I never really had to. It was never a chore of mine. I was usually the. Go back. What did you talk about hitting your dick with? TSA. I got the full treatment of TSA.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was in linen pants. You got those knuckles to your dick front. Bro, he like. The inspection is what it is. I'm sure plenty of people have had to go through it. I was wearing linen pants and like good dick briefs. I'm sure plenty of people have had to go through it. I was wearing linen pants and good dick briefs. I was fucking popping that.

Yeah. You're like, go ahead. You can check it. Yeah, dude. When he hit it, I was like, that's right. All natural. There's nothing stuffed up there, buddy. That's just my dick.

Dude, I had actually, If you're a TSA employee at the Austin airport, around 10.30 yesterday morning, 10.30 Sunday morning, if you could get the footage of me with just an ear to ear... I felt uncomfortable how much I was smiling. I had a

full smile. i was like i was looking around for you guys hoping someone was filming it so i think in a vacuum oh and the vacuum thing i put my dick in the vacuum and it like swelled up your dick did? I don't know why I thought it would have been that long it was like a shot back it was like the big one you decided to fuck a black hole? I was going to say something

I didn't see there I just let that one alone it like I don't know that seemed dangerous to me it was like a ch like, like, I don't know. That seemed dangerous to me. It was like a chub, like a half chub. So it wasn't like hard,

you know? So it like, almost like filled up the space really quickly. And then all of a sudden I had like a chode for a second. I was like, ah, I ruined it. Like I broke my dick.

Like I made it super wide. And then it like, it's almost like silly putty or whatever. Like it's like, I kind of like slowly went back or whatever. Like it's like, I like slowly went back to it. Really? Yeah.

I'm gonna fuck up a vacuum. I go buy a vacuum, but it was, it was creepy for a second. I was just like, ah, I don't know if it like sucked the blood in or like made the flesh go out. You went, you went,

uh, the, uh, the back alley, Kylie's lip fillers with your dick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. People like sticking them in a water bottle Yes That's hilarious That's so funny I would subscribe to it only fans of just people Sticking their dick in vacuums Well it's like have you ever put your dick in a pump

No Those are wild I only know of them from Austin Powers It is I mean it doesn't work because you take it off. But I don't know, it does like. You think if you used it right before you went from fucking pump to pussy? Yeah. I mean, I guess maybe it's like you probably pump it up and then you turn it off and you lose like 90% of that pump.

You got to put a donut on the back 90% of that. That's 10. Yeah. You got to put a, we'll put a donut on the bat. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it's like, but it does.

It like kind of hurts for a second. And it's like, it just feels like you're doing something you shouldn't, you know what I mean? It's like, what if I'm the asshole who like blows up my penis? And then it's like, it looks like a cartoon TNT.

Yeah. You just have this thing filled with your blown up dick, you know, and you have to go to the microwave. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hot dog in the microwave. Um,

but to go back to you, that was me. Um, I think it's easier to just sit there and masturbate. Even if it's your wife or your girlfriend getting fucked. All I'm doing is literally sitting in a chair jerking off. I don't think you can perform either way. You got to perform, you know, literally you have to be hard enough to fuck and you have to do a good job and all that shit.

At least if I'm fucking with a soft dick, I have experience with that. If I'm just sitting there tugging on my soft dick, like, sorry, I can't get hard over here, and, like, really working to get hard if someone fucks my wife, that's embarrassing. Or is it more embarrassing to get hard right away? I think it's hot to, like, see your girl get fucked. Yeah? But, like, I...

The, um... We're all having revelations here. I know professional trans people. The insecurity in me won't allow it. But the same, I think it's like watching porn, but with your girl. It's hot. I don't think I'd find that hot. Well, no.

My reaction in the moment would be like, fuck, stop fucking that guy. That's not me. But again, in a vacuum, if I could just remove the circumstances, I'd like to watch my girl make a porn. That's cool. You think that's cool?

I don't know that I do. What if we got you, what if we got her one of those real sex dolls? We're talking, it looks like it's real. What if we're doing some Westworld shit? And you watch her do fucking everything you like about porn. You watch your girl do it. It's not another guy.

I'd like to participate. Well, maybe you can jump in there. But in the beginning, you can sit in a chair and jerk off. I think I'd be more likely to have a threesome than just be an observer. Okay. I'd imagine that's how most of those end. I think the porn ones are like, we're really just going to make you jerk off by yourself.

I think eventually it's like, come on down. Right. I don't know. Maybe the guys who are the bull though, are like, I'm not fucking that dude. I'm fucking this girl.

Yeah. The, the porn examples I've seen, stop calling me a fat slob. You're getting too close to home with these insults piggy oink oink I don't want to wear lipstick today stop grading me

I think that's the issue I think I handled the degradation myself trust me you're not fucking making me feel worse I think that's the issue. I think I handle the degradation myself. Trust me, you're not fucking making me feel worse. I'm here and it sucks. It could just be me sitting in a room alone and be like, look at this cock pussy.

This fucking sucks. It sucks. You could film a cock porn most days when I just get home and it's more demeaning than fucking someone's wife in front of them. It's just me sitting on my couch in the dark.

I mean, if you could watch somebody masturbate, you could jerk off to that. You could check? Yeah. Yeah. It's like she's masturbating with a dick. I don't care for the male jerking off. They do sometimes just be scrolling.

What the fuck is that out here for? Boy, we're just all over the place. Anyway. Okay. Real quick, we'll do one Am I the Asshole? No, no. Real quick, we'll do one Minute Man topic, and then we'll get into voicemails. And then who's our guest today?

Louis Black. Louis Black. Oh, yes! Today is Louis Black Day, one of my favorite interviews we've ever done. Oh, the hands do wobble. So it really is perfect. Like Louis Black. I am a Louis Black guy.

Louis Black is one of my favorite comedians, like one of my first favorite comedians. Yeah, yeah. I think stewart was probably my first talk about a man of my own heart like that guy is ghost of christmas future for me for sure he just hates everybody everything but he does it in like a nicer way uh which i don't think i've mastered yet uh so that you're gonna love that interview and he loved it he was so he was so like i don't think I've mastered yet. So that you're going to love that interview. And he loved it. He was so, he was so like,

I don't want to say regular, regular might be a bit of a stretch, but I think we're going to see a lot more Louis black on this. He'll appear. Yeah. If he was, if his age wasn't an issue, I think he'd be on all the time.

I feel like he's probably going to come out every now and then. But so Louis black, but for one minute, man, today we got one that I honestly, I thought like John got duped or it was like, today, we got one that I honestly, I thought like John got duped or it was like, this can't be real. I definitely thought that too.

Woman has loud and full body orgasm during the LA Philharmonic concert. Now, what exactly is the Philharmonic? That's just like orchestra. Yeah. And they just play their own music. I think sometimes they'll spice their own music. Their own. I think sometimes they'll spice it up with a little like. So these are just the cream of the crop when it comes to violins and cellos and all that shit.

Yes. It's not like there's no brass and drums and shit, is there? Again, I'm not positive. I don't think so. So. Maybe drum. Maybe drum. I don't know about brass.

Yeah, because it's probably those big old timpanis or whatever. Apparently, this woman, during the performance of Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony, she experienced a loud and full body orgasm. Several concertgoers described the woman's climactic moment Friday from the balcony at the packed Walt Disney Concert Hall. Everyone kind of turned to see what was happening, Molly Grant said, who was sitting near the overjoyed woman. I saw the girl after it happened, and I assumed that she had an orgasm because she was heavy breathing and her partner was smiling and looking at her like in an effort to not shame her. I hope that is.

Yeah, that's that. He got caught by the L.A. Philharmonic. So this is an audio clip we have not played yet, but this is apparently a clip of the woman coming during Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony. Start from the top. That was a guy coming. I... This is something when I come.

I might be a little woke. Because that was like right when there was a lull. Yeah. But that's not right when the fucking... Can't play it again? I feel like some i can see the place vibrating a little bit that first yeah i'm picturing her like the fucking uh like the owner's wife in talladega nights it's molly shannon and and's like, she's just a drunk. She's like, the only thing good about coming to these races is every 60 seconds when they do a lap, because I got the need, the need for speed.

And she's coming as the building's shaking. It's like when Larry makes fucking Jeff's wife jeff's wife come when they make suzy come because the seat in his car is broken and it's just rattling too much dude let's play it one more time that was i mean that is as graphic a come as you'll ever fucking hear i think she's shit. Ah! Yeah. That's shit.

That's shit, dude. This woman just released. That's a fucking. It all came out. That's like when you get one of those shits, it's like passing a kidney stone. Is that a sword? Is that a ninja star? Is that a Chinese throwing star coming up? That's a rock.

I don't think they've identified this woman or anything like that. They were just like, somebody came to the theater. So shout out to her. identified this woman or anything like that. They were just like, somebody came to the theater. So, shout out to her. Here's my question. The guy she was with made her cum? She made herself cum? Did the Philharmonic

make her cum? I think the Philharmonic. Yeah. My guess, I think they did some you know there's like those those um you can like put a vibrator in now and you can press play on your phone yeah it does like a vibrating um girl come at a funeral some shit yeah yeah i i think that this this couple went and i would almost venture to guess, I would love this

if they made one of those vibration schedules and did it to Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony. Imagine that. Imagine Beethoven's like, and your pussy's just like, that would be awesome.

Imagine coming to Beethoven. You're there, you're all That would be awesome. Imagine coming to Beethoven. Be the first person. You're there. You're all prim and proper. You're watching through one of those monocle things. You're all decked out. And your pussy's just like...

But yeah, shout out to Tchaikovsky. Still making the bitches wet all the way in 2023. Uh, all right. Voicemails. What we got? Voicemails are brought to you by our good pals over pirate water. We said earlier in the show that, um, we had a lot of pirates show out to our live shows this past week. Um, and we will let us see a lot more pirates.

It is flying out there. It is getting nice. It's a perfect time to have your party in a can, be it the Bahama Mama, the Sex on the Beach, the Margarita, or the Miami Vice. All kinds of delicious flavors that get you going. I had a couple buddies come out to the show in Austin, actually, and they had some Pirate Waters, and they were like, holy Jesus, Johnny. This stuff gets you there. They're Irish, not pirates. But they were very impressed.

They found it exceptionally delicious. They found it exceptionally alcoholic. As I said, it is a party in a can. So make sure you get it. Go to drinkpiratewater.com. It is going to be everywhere. Every beach you're on, every speedo you see, there will be a Pirate Water nearby. Make sure you go get it.

It is a perfect weather for pirate water it's always perfect with the pirate water drinkpiratewater.com find the location nearest you it's in walmart's it's a corner stores it's everywhere look for the hot can and buy it thank you or order on gopuff if you want to stay in and just get your buzz on which is kind of how I like to do it. Order on GoPro or drinkpirateworld.com. Find it closest. KFC, Fights, Nick, Pavs, Jackie. Follow up to the Holocaust French fries question

from last week. We were talking about it at the bar this week. Do you think Anne Frank knew what French fries were or has eaten French fries? Viva. Yeah. think anne frank knew what french fries were or has eaten french fries viva yeah i feel like she was born in the attic i thought she's helen keller keller that fraud like helen keller knew what french fries was she knew how to order them she knew how to say them she knew how to eat them she knew everything about them helen keller was just a little bit stupid yeah yeah dude like

we're not talking about like she was born and never got to go out in society also how did fucking french fries get the name french fries because guess what they were born in belgium yeah i don't know that either that's born in the belgian winters of 1680 you say freedom fries around here so so yeah she 1680 she was noshing on all kinds of french fries yeah i mean that was like one of the things that like i think potatoes are one of the things that like humans fucking did you know like chop these up fry these up boil these up you know whatever however you cook them yeah i i would i'd actually guess I think French fries are getting worse. I like an old school style French fry.

Like a thick steak. Yeah. Yeah. So I bet Anne Frank had way better French fries than you ever had. I don't know about that. Because we're talking like crispy, deep fried oil goodness, you know? But that's not the style I like, so I get it. Yeah.

I like a French fry that's just basically a thinly sliced potato. Yeah, but that's hard to come by. Yeah. My favorite French fries are the ones I make myself. I don't know if you call them French fries, but I take a potato and I slice them thin and I bake them in the oven. How long? Usually 22 minutes. A little olive oil, some paprika, salt, pepper.

Do you ever put them in a brown bag afterwards with salt and shake them up? No. Oh, that's what you got to do. You just salt them regular? Yeah, just salt them regular. Put them in a brown bag. I don't know why it's got to be brown,

but it's got to be brown. Because the oil and grease kind of seeps through a little bit. Yeah, yeah. And you shake it with the salt. Do some brown bag fries. I never even heard of mama uh my dad my dad's thing my dad does i think his family did it i don't know if it's a good thing for other people but it is delicious dude place in belgium was because it was like they were trying to make like chips or something yeah it makes sense and then and then the guy was like make them like these are too thin like one of the like the head chef or something i

have no idea the details but head chef was like make them thicker like you were making them too thin and then he was like fine like like was being a dick and was just like over like it like made them like obviously like really thick and then the customers were like wait this rocks and then the customers were like, wait, this rocks. I think. I have nothing to back that up. No, that sounds right. That checks out. Jackie Fun Facts.

Jackie killed it this weekend. Jackie, your segment probably got the biggest pop. It always does. There was a rumble. It's the Jackie.

It's so funny because every single time I was just like, I'm never, I'm going to do it. I was like, that sucks. You mean you're nervous? What do you mean you're going to do it? You're going to do what? I'm going to kill myself. Yeah, that's what I thought you meant.

Two very different things going on. I thought you were saying you were hyping yourself up. I was like, but no, this sounds negative to me. Yeah, that's the perfect spot for you to live where you think you don't stay right there, Jack. You never leave. You don't get too confident. You know that suicidal tendency? Don't kill yourself, but don't get confident.

Yeah, yeah. That's the KFC radio way. Always have your toes hanging over the edge. Yeah, but don't ever go. Always just stay that way. I think it's always important to remember this as well. You just wake up, you suck, you go to bed, you suck, and that's fucking life. That's it.

Wake up, you suck, you go to bed, you suck, and that's fucking life. That's it. Wake up. You suck. Go to bed. You suck and that's fucking life. Put it on the tombstone in the funeral museum. Next up. KFC radio crew. I was listening to KFC's story about Oliver, stupid white people stuff,

and throwing a dead person on a horse to take them back to their family in the Oregon Trail days. Reminded me of a story, a town in northern Missouri, a tiny town. The founder of that town, Wilhelm Kiel, decides that he's going to leave Missouri for Oregon. He's going to take his family and some other people from town. This is in the 1850s, so you're talking horse, covered wagon. The only problem is his son died a few days before they left, and he had promised his son that he was going to take him to Oregon no matter what.

So they put him in a coffin, filled the coffin with whiskey, and put him in the lead wagon for the trip. We're talking six months, 2,000 miles, which leads me to a would you rather. Would you rather recreate that trip or instead do another disgusting dead person thing and have a sour toe cocktail viva oh sour toe cocktail i i want to try a sour toe cocktail what's the sour toe that's really it's like it's like a shot with a dead dude's toe in it i don't know what the real specifics of it are but it's actually a ditto yeah it's like the worm but worm, but it's a ditto? I would do a sourdough cocktail for sure.

I don't know what – I'm looking it up right now. A sourdough cocktail is practically a rite of passage for visitors of Dawson City, Yukon. It's a simple drink, a shot of whiskey, usually Yukon Jack, with an unusual accompaniment, a mummified human toe. How did the sourdough cocktail come to be? It all started in Prohibition. Like eat or drink the toe? Oh, it's a frostb human toe. How did the sour toe cocktail come to be? It all started in probation. Like eat or drink the toe?

Oh, it's a frostbitten toe. So it's not a regular thing. It's one toe. Where do they get the toes of sour cocktails? One of their big toes, any toe is allowed, came from a British Marine who lost it to frostbite during the Yukon Arctic Ultra Marathon last winter. That was in 2019. So it happened in 2018. More recently, another man donated a toe that he lost to gout.

It's in Yukon, Canada, is where it is. That's, I mean, like, for anyone who likes to drink, like, that's, sourdough cocktail is kind of like a, that's your Everest. That's like, you know, you did something. I'd do a sourdough cocktail for sure. Really? Yeah.

I have no problem recreating that trip either. By the way, I would like this to become a thing. People call in with fun random facts like Jackie with how the French Fire got started or with this gentleman in the 1850s moving from Missouri to Oregon.

I think this is fun. I like learning things like that So Voicemails if you want to call in with some weird fun facts That you just happen to know I would appreciate that That's a good idea Hit us with your best did you know

But yeah Also just like Does a tub of whiskey mummify somebody I don't think so It's just a fucking waterlogged body. Yeah, well, as we learned, they used to just pump you full of whatever they could find. They did use it to throw bags of ice on you. That works for a little while.

As long as a beach day lasts. Right. You can't go to Oregon with that. Next up. Last one? Last one. What's up, KFC, Feidelberg, Paz, Jackie, the whole fucking crew? You know we're out here.

We're out here drinking pirate water. And guess what we're fucking doing? We're getting motherfucking pegged out here with the merch. Shit's fucking fire. Last words. You guys were talking about what you would bring to an island if you had to eat fucking Feidelberg. He's bringing mangoes. You know he is.

Last words. If your plane is crashing to the ground, to the whole plane, and and you got to stand up and say something, what are you saying? It's going to be funny, serious. And then another aspect, would you rather crash on land or crash on water? First of all, it doesn't matter. You crash on land or water. You crash on water. It's you're still crashing on land.

It is hitting the water at that speed is crashing on land. I think you can land it sully, though. You're crashing. Okay. I think I was thinking of it more like

if you hit the side of a mountain, you're fucking cooked. If you have a flat river or whatever to try to land on you, you at have like a flat you know river or whatever to like try to land on you at least have a chance yeah i guess like if if you're going down in in a mountainous range you're done even if you like land on your belly like yes if you if you just nosedive both of you're cooked but if you can try to like land flat but like mountains and trees and shit ain't gonna let you do that at all i i would i. My last words would just be,

what are you all freaking out about? I would turn into someone yelling in a town square if my plane was crashing. Everyone's like, wow! What are you doing? It's not going to help anything. It's over, guys.

Why go out sad? I don't think we can ever tell this because all of them are dead. I would bet you there's a lot of peace and tranquility. As many people screaming and yelling. There's people like... Going Jack's Tower.

Not even like I want to die or whatever. I'd be going around going, get your head out of your knees. That's not going to help. Right, yeah, yeah. You only have, like, let's say a minute or whatever, which is probably a long time in the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not. You have, you know, the first 30 seconds, you're probably screaming and yelling, and maybe the last 30 seconds,

you're like, I can't do anything, so let me just, like, remember the good times, and maybe, like, mall rats whip out your dick and start jerking off, you know? No, I'd just get a nice glass of whiskey and just sit there. Grab the girls next to you, grab her titty, whatever, you know? Obviously, we're talking in hypotheticals, but that's why I think I'd be like, look, this seatbelt only serves to cut me in half.

Like, the seatbelt's doing nothing. There's no control of this. And I'm a person who's fine when I'm not in control. I don't know. What can you do? That's obviously an extreme circumstance, but I think I'd have a glass of this, and I'm a person who's fine when I'm not in control. I'm like, ah, I don't know, what can you do? There's, uh, that's obviously an extreme circumstance, but I think I'd have a glass of whiskey, and I'd turn into, like, a preacher, being like, you guys are

all stupid. What are you doing? Yeah, stop. Everyone relax! Cut it out. We got two minutes left. There's no point in going out screaming. Let's just fuck it. Everyone have a drink. Calm down. And we calm down. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't jerk off. I wouldn't be like, I got to fuck. I'd be like, let's just have a chill.

It's almost done. Be cool. We are with the legendary Louis Black. This is a big one. This is an honor. Thank you. You're legendary. You are, man.

You are. You know what legend means? It means, God, he's still alive. He's doing stuff. Well, if for no other reason than you still being alive I know I do genuinely mean it though to be I mean you had a prolific

career you've had a long one that's still going at this age that is very commendable because I am not going as long as you brother but you gotta realize it really didn't I'd done I'd kind of worked in theater for a long time. And then at 40, I started doing this.

That's when you blew up. Right. So I started doing this, you know, stand up at 40. So it was like. Oh, you started? Like, I mean, I thought, I just thought that your career didn't like take off till then. You weren't even doing it? I was doing it on the side kind of for fun.

But I really was writing plays no way shit because uh i wanted to earn as much as a crack whore that was a real good way to do it i'm sure you know i'm sure your family loved that one like i'm gonna write plays okay we're gonna be supporting you for the rest of your life well it's funny because they're the one who they dragged me you know my father took me to see shows, and I got hooked. But it really was, at 40, they were coming in to see me. I was running this space in New York with a couple other guys, and I was introducing everything we did,

and we did a lot of one-act plays there. But my introductions, and I'd been doing stand-up on the side as for fun, but I wasn't really, you've got to do it. You can't just do it once and then come back and do it once, twice a week. It's like this. You've got to do it until you're fucking good at it. And so I started kind of doing the intros. And then people started being more interested in my comedy than they were in my fucking play.

But then I realized there was more money to be made. I was going to say. Who cares, man? Whatever. Whatever they like you because of and if that one makes more money, fucking go with it well i didn't i you know it was kind of like uh i didn't really realize you know i kind of it was partly i just kind of was i thought you know i was going to break it i was getting closer and closer to breaking in terms of playwriting and then this kind of but it was like you you kind of go they're so similar in a sense i basically what it is all all all stand-up is is a guy writing a play it's a one man show right

I think Colin Quinn and a couple other guys out there right now are doing one man shows it's a comedy you say one man show and it has an air about it you get into a theater that makes a difference

and they're not totally drunk and they're listening that matters too nobody's yelling your mother sucks cocks That makes a difference. And they're not totally drunk and they're listening. Yeah. That matters too. You know, nobody's yelling, your mother sucks cocks. Wouldn't it be great if they did though, if there was one guy, you know, in the theater, your mother sucks cock. Speaking of mothers, my mother would be, I don't know if she'd be proud or she'd be upset to hear that I'm speaking to you because you were persona non grata in the Feidelberg household.

Is that right? When I was growing up. When I was like, not growing up. I was probably about high school, late middle school age. You and Vince McMahon wrestling were the only people I got banned from because I was. Me and Vince McMahon. I was so angry. I was watching so much Louis Black.

I would walk around the house like angry.'s like what if what it ends you have to stop watching this comedy that is funny but you weren't actually bad but she was like you gotta start watching some other stuff that is the is the rub though like i i read one time you described it as a i'm a happy person but an angry citizen yeah and i think that because i'm i'm i'm very similar in the sense i'm i'm not i'm pessimistic i usually skew negative my first reaction when i hear a story or a c fuck that you know and a lot of people when they just see that or follow you on a social media app or whatever and have limited access to you they're always like lighten up loosen up why don't you know you're always so angry you hate everything and i'm like at home i'm i'm hanging out i'm fine i'm great it's just that the way i take in news and put out my my

thoughts is aggressive or negative but i'm not like actually a sad or angry person. I'm just like, yeah, fuck you, you know? Yeah, and it's the way you get it out of your system. Yeah, I do. And I was on, what's her name, the CBS morning show, the one that with, what's her name, the best friend of Oprah. Gayle King. Gayle King. Gayle King.

Yeah. Way back when she was, they just started that show. And I was kind of like at the peak of that kind of, oh, they, you know, people, you have a certain amount of celebrity, you get this much. Yep, yep. And I was in the sweet spot of it. And I'm on the show with her, and I'm going off.

And she's like, why are you so angry? And it was like, are you – Shut up. Seriously. Where are you from originally? Maryland. Maryland. Because sometimes I think – I'm sure if you were like born and bred in the Midwest,

and then you hear – I'm like a New York guy who was just like, shut the fuck up and fuck you. That is probably is like a culture shock. But I mean, Maryland is, is neither. Is it one extreme or the other? No,

it's basically, you know, we're like, we're, you know, we're the, we're the mid Atlantic States and we're mid. Right.

Just mid. You know, and it's very weird. And then we had, it's kind of grown up a little, but the eastern shore of Maryland, which is the Chesapeake Bay and Annapolis and about an hour and a half drive from Baltimore. It used to be to me that was like, it was like everybody, they could only fit so many people in Mississippi and Alabama. And the rest went to the eastern shore. You got the overflow? Yeah, it was an odd state in that way because you got Washington, which was kind of like fairly different and kind of more liberal and really conservative, almost Yahoo-ish.

Yeah, so don't, and don't write in and don't talk to me. I didn't use that word. Because it was true. They were, and there weren't, there were some things that were going on there that you went, wow, this is, they're nuts. And then there was this whole other part of the state

which was a mix of both, you know, that was really rural, but not like, you know, the Eastern Shore. So it was kind of this all- a mix of both you know that was really rural but not like you know the eastern shore so it was kind of this all mix of everything yeah i yeah i just you know to me it's like any any opinion i i have any opinion worth having is one where i'm fucking you know animated about it and if and if i'm not that then i'm probably just not interested in general i'm probably yeah whatever you know washington made me angry because i'm being born and raised around that being you know around congress people oh i'm sure i mean that it's the scummiest fucking

thing in the world and you had to live you know you're in that i mean the thing was at the time i was living there was probably the peak in many ways of it being a normal place because the guy who was like from the state of Maryland art, our Republican senator, who I liked a lot, would now be considered left wing. Right by the Republicans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like crazy. It just spiraled so out of control. But even my mother at the time was yelling at me for voting for this guy.

He's good. He's better than the schmuck, the Democrat, you fucking idiot. They're all fucking idiots. Jesus Christ. Maybe I just don't know how the whole system works. But Trump, I guess, posts bail and then you can go do whatever.

So him just being at UFC the other night. He's front row at MMA fights. That was such a picture. You probably – I'm not sure if you saw it actually. Him, Mike Tyson, Kid Rock, and Rogan. Yeah. What a four horsemen of the apocalypse right there. I didn't see the picture.

It is. I guess, you know, I just never thought of posting bail and then going to do things like that. But I'm sure it's like rock and fucking roll. Well, that's the reason there's that whole thing going on in New York about people who, you of the bail being the thing that is like separates the people who have money from the people who own it those but then again you know then you know the people who who you know then they now don't have to post it or post

less and then they're out committing crime so the whole thing is the whole system do you i mean you have now uh whether you're doing it comedically satirically serious or seriously speaking about politics and culture and society but you've been doing it for so long now do you i'm i feel like i've reached a point in my life where i'm already like fuck it like i nothing, nothing's changing. It's all just going to go where it goes. And why do we even bother? I mean, I commend you for still, you know, doing it at your age and as many years as you've put up with it. I can't imagine decades of just trying to change people's opinions

or make them think it's just, fuck. I never try to change people's opinions. Mine was, I'm entertaining them. Just kidding. Yeah, and get that stuff out. And a lot of it was the thing that hooked him was the persona. Because that got over, I could pull a lot of shit by being psychotic on stage. So I could get away with stuff. And that was the hook.

I mean, because it would be, and if they didn't like the persona, then it was kind of like, or they they say now he swears too much which is really just that i swear too much for two reasons one that's the way i talk to a lot of the times i swear because i can't remember what the fuck my next bit and also three shut the fuck fuck up. I hate that. It's like, we're all adults. I want to talk the way I talk. Shut the fuck up about it. I was in high school, and I was 18. I was a senior.

I remember getting in a fight with a referee in a hockey game. He's like, watch your language. What the fuck are you talking about? Watch my language. I'm 18. I can say whatever the fuck I want. I don't know if it's a legality thing. I think I can say whatever the fuck I want when I'm 12. My parents aren't even here. I can say whatever the fuck I want. I don't know if it's a legality thing. I think I can say whatever the fuck I want when I'm 12.

My parents aren't even here. I can say whatever the fuck I want. Is fuck your favorite swear word? Yeah, it's got to be. I mean, it is. It's the best. It's just the best word, period. It's so versatile.

I sell this idiotic bobblehead, and I've got a button, and the thing sells like crazy what does it say i don't even remember because it's been so long since i recorded that it was it really is it's just a lot of go you know fuck you and uh you know eat shit and but what's amazing about it and then there's the button has a whole group of different things. But it really does, you know, it's unbelievable to me how much it sells. That I would make money. And the money, the good thing was is that I was at a point, you know, I thought if I'm going to sell this, I can't make money. This is disgusting.

So I have it so that the money goes to charity. Really? Oh, I thought you were going to say that until you saw how much was coming in. No. You truly. No, I mean, from the very beginning, I thought, you know, the only way. I thought it was the only way I could sell it. I didn't know people would be fucking going

nuts over these things i mean i thought oh i'd love that so in retrospect you can't turn off the charity in retrospect if you could do it again would you go charity would you go i'll take i go charity you go charity yeah yeah i mean you're a fucking liar no because i did okay i got away with murder you know one of the things that i did, and it's one of these things people say, what's your advice for the kids? That really makes you feel like a fucking, you know, what's my advice for the kids is don't listen to your parents, for starters. Advice number one, because you'll end up doing something horrible.

You will see your parents will end up on the pavement looking for a job look them in the eye I mean especially now how could parents give you any advice now the world changes so rapidly and they're way behind the eight point I mean they don't know I'm stuck with this fucking

phone shit I don't understand it's like it's like, it all, I mean, you know, it's like, they're ahead. They're so far ahead. Look, I mean, the bottom line with this phone shit is I usually carry it in my pants.

I used to, in my act, I say, you know, I'm carrying my brain around. I'm carrying my brain next to my nuts. This thing is, you know, there's a whole generation, and you're not even a part of it, that's coming up now. This will be integrated into their system. So this is an extension of their brain. And so once they kind of get what they want in here,

they'll have a whole, it'll either be empty, which is a real possibility. We'll have nothing upstairs. This will be it. Or they'll be using it for other shit that we never thought of. Totally. We've talked about – and this is a pipe dream and it's not going to happen, I don't think, because there are enough kids already. But I put myself in their shoes and i see what my parents did and that was automatically uncool to me because it's like that's what my parents do so as a generation

who's only on their phone i wanted maybe a part where the kids are like that's fucking stupid that's lame i don't like that because kevin was kind of touching on it where like we've gotten so overwhelmed with it where it is like it's like fuck it who it. I can't keep up anymore. I'm not doing it. It's so stupid. Too many apps. Too much. It's too fast. So just throw it out the window. If there was a small group of the next generation that started that like we don't want phones.

I think that is a TikTok thing. But they're on TikTok, no? But it's like they're filming kids in school who are like they have the flip phones. I'm analog. I'm off the grid. It would be cool to go back the other direction I just think there's too much it's too much and then it's like

then you start to feel well I feel A it makes you feel old because you're not and B I mean outside of seeing that I can now get ball games and I can watch baseball on my fucking phone. You know, outside of that, the stuff, you know, I get stuff from people. I have to get it from them.

I'm not sitting there going tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick. I mean, I've got friends who sit there. Yeah. And Instagram, Instagram, I don't do it. I don't, where do they get the fucking time? All I know is it's difficult after I get up and have the shit I have to do. I had to come down here to talk to you guys. There's an hour blasted.

I could have been Instagramming you pricks. It's not even the social media too. And I know it's what we wanted and all that stuff at one point in our lives. But, like, I was telling a story the other day where I went to the doctor, and I just showed up at the office. And I understand that's absurd to an extent. But I wasn't demanding to talk to the doctor. I was supposed to bring them the medication I was on just to show them. But I was supposed to call them.

And I showed up at the office and was like, what are you doing here? I was like, I don't know. I need to talk to you real quick. Why don't you log into the portal? I was like I don't know how to log into the portal. I don't want to go to a fucking portal I just want to talk. I'm here I'm a person talking to a person. Can't you just write this down and tell somebody? And they were like no you're going to have to call us.

I couldn't even get into the office because there was a security guard and he's like you don't have an appointment? And I was like no. He's like well and then people were coming in so i was yelling as the door was open i'd be like can i just talk to someone then you start to really look crazy and you are a crazy person yeah no they were never having an incident they were exceptionally taken aback i was like i'm supposed to be here not really but there was a task given

to me and i walked by your office every day It makes the most sense for me to just pop in. And they were like, dude, we're going to call the cops on you. A portal. A portal. I don't know what a portal is. I don't really, to be honest, Lewis. I don't really know what a portal is. Well, thank you.

So I get to feel two years younger. I was driving home the other day, and my phone died. And I know how to drive home. I know. But I always put it in just to see where's where's the best route fastest traffic and all that yeah but see i'm pretty hip hey you know what you're talking about i do i do the google maps but you know but i but there was this moment of like i was like wait a minute do i know how to get home this exit that exit but it's crazy. It's fucking crazy to not, you know, to rely upon it that much where you're like, hang on a second.

Bro, the Waze. I did the Waze last night. Yesterday I went to a hockey game in Philadelphia. And we're coming back. And the Holland Tunnel was just crazy backed up. It was like 11 p.m. last night. But crazy backed up. And my dad was like, why don't you put in a Waze?

And I was like, no. See all that traffic over there? That's Waze. There's so many people using that. So now they're never on a back road. Why don't we just stay here with the lights? It doesn't make any sense. It never does. It really does. It's like, wait, you have some secret

that you're the only car that knows to go that way. There's two roads going this direction, max. But then it's funny if you ever get in a cab and they go somewhere where there is traffic. Like, you should have used the GPS. GPS is what I told you. And then the other thing where the – and this is where the Google Maps thing can get in your way is that there was time – I don't drive anymore. I quit driving like 15 – I said, fuck this.

Really? Always take a driver? Well, it's New York. Yeah. I lived in New York. I had –'s New York. I lived in New York. I spent a lot of time in North Carolina. I could walk around where I was. I didn't need it.

And then when I go to L.A., it was like once L.A. got really crazy with traffic, I was like, fuck, I am not doing this. It's the same amount for me to get in cabs initially ubers you know or get a car for the i can pay for the car for two hours with what it's going to cost me to get to have a car crazy so it was crazy but but i was driving around when i was really kind of when those maps came out and all of that and i'm driving and it sent me off i was driving down this highway and bumfuck and it sent me off. I was driving down this highway and bumfuck, and it sent me off on an exit. And I came out of the exit, and then it sent me off on the next exit and sent me back to the other exit. Okay, now something's – it's me or this fucking thing. Each one of us is going.

I refuse to deal with that's so true because you can run into that I've been in Ubers now that's what reminded me of what you were saying I was going to a place that was 10 minutes away and all of a sudden I'm 25 minutes into my trip and I was like what the fuck have I done and I was talking to my mom on the way so I wasn't paying attention

and I was like we've been in the car way too long my mom did that fairly recently. Her and her three sisters are big fans of the theater as well, and they travel a lot. They come to the city a lot for shows. They're from Massachusetts. And my mom was driving. Two sisters fell asleep in the back.

One sister is off the grid, has been her whole life, doesn't use a phone, doesn't have anything. My mom doesn't know how to use apps. So they're driving from from massachusetts to new york takes about three and a half hours and six hours in one of the sisters in the back seat woke up and she was like polly why are we in maryland and my mom had just got on 95 and she she just can't go if that's a student wake up, they'd end up in Florida. I was like, I wasn't driving. No one told me where to go.

That's fucking hilarious. So the apps do have their meaning sometimes. Wow. Now, did you guys drive in the city? So I started driving in during the pandemic. And we also- Where do you live? Westchester. Partly in the Bronx, partly in Westchester.

Right. So either way, without trap, when the pandemic was, we also resumed office work pretty quickly, more, you know, faster than other companies. So I could make it in, in like 24 minutes. And it was zoom, zoom, zip in, zip out. The garage was inexpensive because they, nobody was, so they lowered their prices.

And then it slowly started to return and i had just i'm addicted to to driving in now i can do it on my own time i don't have to worry about the schedule of the train and the subway and all that but it's a fucking nightmare now well i mean it's crazy it was just because i i um you know when when we flipped back on and there was and then you started you know i would i was taking the subways for a long time. And then when we kind of the subway started back up and it was like a slaughterhouse. Yeah. No, I am not.

Or stop printing this. I'm sure that this happened every day before. But now it's in our face. Yeah. I can't willingly go do it. Yeah. race yeah yeah i can't willingly go do it yeah so i uh so it's to me it's like being out there now and and being in cars i go if i i would be uh i would be road i mean i would i need to drive brother i got a big time i bet i mean i would have to drive some sort of a vehicle like a

half track or something with like those like a norm like a but a giant Humvee, like a war Humvee. So they could literally drive over there. Give me a bus. Dude, I did it last night. It was my first night, one of my only nights ever in the city with a car because I had gone to the game with my dad. He drove down from Massachusetts and I drove back and we got to the Holland Tunnel. I think that we were supposed to be home at 10.50. We got to the Holland Tunnel at 10.40.

Like I said, it was crazy traffic. I didn't park the car until midnight and but here's the deal kevin and lewis there were a million fucking spots but my dad didn't want the car on the street so we had to keep driving around looking for a 24-hour garage because it was midnight yeah and like every time i'd be like so you're just like driving by spots like that one that one and huge kevin we're driving by fucking we're behind cars that are parking and and every time i like i probably three separate times i like put the car i like slowed down and my dad wouldn't say anything you just do the dad thing we'd be like i just go all right i was like we'll find you a garage we'll find you a garage and i was like what the fuck do you think is gonna do you think you think all 50,000 of these cars are going to be gone in the morning?

Like we've been driving around New York City for an hour. The streets are lined with parking spots. It's usually the opposite. You love to find some street parking. It's a dream. I can't tell you how many street parking spots I found last night. Countless. Countless.

And he never, he never verbalized it. But it was just a grunt. All right. All right. It was, I was like, that was my time. I'll never get a car. I'll never was just a grunt. All right. All right. That was my time. I'll never get a car. I'll never fucking get a car here. And that fucking bike lane. And it's like that's where I

think I'm going to die. The cyclists. They're going fucking 40 miles an hour and they almost like want to. They're not cyclists anymore. They're not cyclists. You have motors on it. You're a fucking motorcycle. Get in there. Get in the fucking street. And they want to like buzz you. You have motors on it. You're a fucking motorcycle. Get in there. Get in the fucking street. And they want to buzz you. They want to piss you off and see how close they can get

and yell at you. And then it's like, we got the lane. If you're going to have the lane, then the prick that's driving the other way on 9th, the opposite way, you have to arrest him. Right, right, right. Because that's about half the time

I say arrest him and fucking kill him that's a bridge too far I tell you I am just loving sitting here bitching about that I wonder how guys are driving because I couldn't do it I just couldn't it's not healthy

it's a fight. You know, you can't just like drive. You know, it's like a sport almost. You have to be on your toes, head on a swivel, hit the lane, hit the hole. And the people who are just kind of like la-di-da, I'm like, get the fuck off the road. And actually, the reason, one of the main reasons I quit driving was I got into a car. They picked me up at the airport for some bullshit I didn't get. Yet another project.

It didn't happen. And I get in the car. And I realized within five minutes, I'm screaming out the window at cars. And I'm thinking. In the backseat? In the backseat? In the backseat. And I thought, wow, I really can't. I can't drive out here.

I'm not driving. Out the backseat. Fuck you! If I was a driver and I was like, is that a dog? Is that Louis Black? Louis Black just told me to fuck off. And I used to because they're all driving around there and it's like it's it's it's 11 30 okay yeah okay there's work people have work there can't be this many people who don't have i don't get it okay all hours it's all hours and i literally

would sit in when i was with friends and we would be driving along. I'd yell, where are you really supposed to be? Why are you driving? Why are you driving? I remember when I was a kid, and it's only gotten worse with age, but as a kid, I was the same way. I'd be in the supermarket with my mom, who was an adult. I'm like, why the fuck are there adults here right now? I thought the world was a ghost town between nine and five.

Well, but it's like, what are you doing? It's like if you're at a bar in the middle of the afternoon and you're like, look at all these degenerates at the bar in the afternoon. And then you're sitting at the bar yourself. Wait a minute. Hang on now. Maybe I'm one of them, too. So you got a new special coming out, Tragically I Need You. Very poetic, very gripping.

It sounds like you must have been a playwright or something. I do what I can. What is the, if you can, without giving it away, what is the inspiration? It's without giving it away what is the inspiration it's out April 18th yeah it's on May 2nd actually

so that's weird so on our on our on our rider don't worry about it it says out 418 must air 5-2

and I was like that's a weird number why would you air it two weeks after but it makes more sense that it's out it's not out

yeah so May 2nd. I don't know what they... They fuck with... I have no idea how they did that or why they did that. But it's good that they just fuck. I'm glad to hear I have people who

I'm paying to fuck up the people I'm talking to. I'm going to double check just so people get in trouble, but it said, can you check my phone? Yeah, look at that. It says, I need, Tragically, I Need You, which premieres globally, 418. Are you out in different countries already on 418? Maybe in Uzbekistan.

The Ukrainians are going to be going nuts. Now I'm going to get on the phone afterwards and go, what the fuck? Where am I? Okay. But so may 2nd may may 2nd here on youtube got it and that uh and really quite simply it is about um the way i reacted it's to the pandemic that it was just the way i it's literally about how i dealt with the pandemic and i started you know when i left you know, when I left, you know, and I kind of finally went back on the road, you know,

I was like, okay, well, I got to, you know, I got to do a new act. And I started talking. I would talk about things of what I dealt with. And people started, you know, I didn't expect them. I didn't know what they would do, but they related to it really well. And I thought, you know what, fuck this. So literally it's the fastest I've ever written a special of any kind because all I did was tell the story.

I mean, I try in all of my goddamn fucking shit to tell a story. Just to tell a story, you know. So this was actually a real kind of beginning, middle, and end. Right. And the one, the special I did before it was on the night that the, it closed down, that the, it was the last performances that were given in the country. It was the night that i did the the special came out of that night and we just by luck had we had i film everything i do because i'm psychotic

you know and then uh and then um they uh we also ended up with extra cameras so we had enough that we it's kind of like a very uh it's not like a major special but it it's interesting because so the audience isn't totally mic'd and we don't come up and everybody's like, ah! Right, right. So it's just really kind of intimate. It's intimate. But it's about, literally, so part of it, it's called, no, I can't remember the name of it. But it's basically about the fact that we're closing down. And so there was a chunk of stuff.

So it bookends this kind of this one. But this one really was, you know, here's what happened. I'd spent 10 weeks in solitary confinement because I had – because the initial announcement was it's one thing if you're your age, but even with that, even your age didn't matter. Initially, that first wave of shit that hit the fan, I knew somebody immediately who died. They basically said that I had an underlying condition and I would die. So it's like, oh, well, great. That's a great morning announcement. You know, you get to school and 12 of you are going to die today.

So I'm one of them. So I did 10 weeks and by myself. Truly like solo, no nothing. Nobody. And I lost. You don't do that. No. There's a reason it's a punishment.

Yeah. I mean, at that age is not at any age, but that's fucking crazy. It was crazy. And I was crazy. And you get really crazy. You start to get fucking nuts. And you start, as we all have, and even now it's been a little tough to get back. But you start to lose your memory because you're not the way in which your memory works in part you wake up something happens during the day

and you talk to three people your friends and so you go oh yeah you won't believe this you won't believe this you won't believe this by the fourth friend you go fucking i'm not telling that but as a result the next time you see the asshole two weeks later you remember it because you said it i'm saying it to nobody you're i'm on the phone how you doing i'm not dead that's the nothing happened today nothing not a fucking thing how do you how are you doing the worst question asked during the pandemic how you How the fuck do you think? Yeah, really. Oh, it's spectacular.

I couldn't be happier. And I'm lucky I got a terrace. And I'm walking around on the terrace and I go, this is what a prisoner feels like. Yeah, get your yard time. Yeah, exactly. I would walk a mile a day on my terrace. Really? Yeah.

Well, because otherwise, you know, and then people say, listen to a podcast. I said, no, I can't hear it because of the shit that's going on in my head. I said, all I got to do is I got to listen to somebody else's trouble. So it's like, you know, tragically, you learned you do need all these assholes around you. Yeah. Because, you know, up until then, I probably would have been like, I wish I could just get rid of all these fucking people and sit in my room alone. And then you get that. And it's like, be careful what you wish for.

Yeah, exactly. That was it, you know. And the other one was called Thanks for Risking Your Life. That was the – because I walked out in front of these people. And it was literally two – I mean, it was a day. They had already announced don't be in crowds. They thought they were going to shut down the casino I was in. And there's 1,500 people wandering around.

And I'm like a mile from them watching them, like through a telescope. And I come on stage, and it's packed. The room is packed. Yeah, they're loving it. And I go, and all I thought was is you you people are insane that's great have you um have you kept up with i suppose or maybe knowledge about the ai stuff that's coming out i'm thinking about well you mean that

artificial intelligence yeah really great well i saw a headline today that you can get it for your father for Christmas. Can you turn it on real quick? I saw a headline today that like gave me pause and I didn't even think about the fact that you were coming in today. And I was like, oh, I feel like this is – What? Right up his alley. Yeah, it is.

What is now? I actually – I know who retweeted the tweet so i can find it pretty easily i mean talk about just at all time just society ruiner right here artificial intelligence yeah start regularly recording your parents elders and loved ones with enough transcript data new voice synthesis and video models there is a 100 percent chance that they will leave with you they will live with you forever after leaving their physical body. This should even be possible at the end of the year.

So they can have a library of their words and create that thing to talk to? Yeah. There is. If I told my mom that, my mom might kill herself before I ever do. She's like, I'm not even going to tell you don't record me. I want to make sure you don't have the chance. I'm going to fucking kill myself right now. It's amazing because my mother, I couldn't get my mother.

My mother's really was, everybody wanted me to record my mother because she just had a mouth and was really, you know, and no editing equipment. But she would never let me record anything she did. I mean, I can't fucking. That's crazy. I mean, and talk about, that's just, that's like a very weird version of psycho. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. Keeping your grandmother in the attic.

Keeping you forever, mother. Keeping your mother in the attic. That's just, I can't imagine that. Imagine that like you're on a date with someone and you're like, I'm going to take you home to meet my mom. Your mom died 10 years ago. Some fucking. What the fuck?

This is insane. That's real. But it makes sense because there's some jackass in a room somewhere who's probably in their mid-20s going, well, here's an idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing with that artificial intelligence is like it's – first off, think about who's doing it. I mean you don't like – you really don't like people way more than I don't like people. You've made my day. That warms my heart.

That makes sense. That kind of moved me a little bit. Maybe I'm okay. Fuck them. Why should you blow up about – I could Fuck them. What should you blow up about? I could kill them. It really was good. I was like, wow.

I've kind of been calm. The whole thing with that AI is that they just kind of dump it on us. Yeah. Yeah. Out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. I guess what, something happens where they just technologically it possible, and they just go, it's floodgates. You know, here you go.

But it's also, we are not bright. No, we're a dumb people. What makes us think that people who aren't, this group of people that aren't bright are going to make something that's more intelligent than we are. What fucking – are you nuts? You're not. Okay? And they're already finding glitches. Yeah.

And you know they are and they're going, yeah, but we'll work those out. Of course you will. That's right, pal. I was thinking that recently. There was a post about – it was just like someone put an AI, create the nfl football team's mascots and they were all the same as that mascot people were mind blown by them like ai's taking over man and kevin we were talking about it yeah this is it it's over dude society's over because because it could make nfl mascots what are we fucking talking about that suck by the way yeah they weren't even good i

mean yeah listen talk to me when they can, like, you know, launch missiles. Then we're in trouble. If they can make a picture of the Pope, you know, forgive me if I'm not fucking scared yet. You believe he was actually in that jacket? Yeah. I don't know. You showed me a picture of a guy in a jacket. I thought it was real. How crazy of me to think that.

It's really, I mean, we created the computer, which was, once again, like the phone, an extension of our nervous system. And nobody thought anything about maybe we should think about what this means. Yeah, the implications. And we didn't. And then out of that came, you know, it started with, you know, MySpace and then onto Facebook and then Facebook. You know, and you've got all of these that you don't and no rules on face so you these are like facebook tiktok all of those there were no rules applied apparently and then we're getting to this and you go wow and then i read it i thought you were going to talk about the article i read

an article the week after they started announcing this shit then there was a whole slew of people who said maybe we should put some brakes on well now really the horse out of the fucking barn you morons that would have been a good idea it would have i mean that's it's i don't it's really i mean it's horrifying yeah it's weird it's weird shit is weird but also i do love what people are like, dude, haven't you seen The Terminator? I say, well, first of all, no. But second of all, movies? Yes, I've seen movies. I understand bad things.

I've also seen Armageddon. That'll be the asteroid that's going to fucking hit the planet. Bro, haven't you seen this movie where a bad person did a bad thing? I have. I've seen it. I don't apply it to every aspect of my life though and then but it is that thing you said that it's you add that together with the fact that they can now uh replicate anybody and put them on a screen so that you don't know if it's real or not so that

you for all we know we don't you're not even real yeah who knows well that would be i'd have to get paid heavily to be this when you show up as me i would fucking have my avatar you're you're uh for lack of a better word and i could probably think of a better one but i'm not going to because this would freak in my mind first and i like it you're fuck dolls yeah dolls. Get yourself a Louis Black doll. She's got fingers pointed like this. You can do whatever you

want with the fingers, but they're just pointing out. That's, in a sense, the first version of AI. Louis Black will live with you forever. Louis Black's fuck doll will be around for

eternity. They want moves. For charity. They did initially have their arms moved um when you started the daily show that was like the early stages it was all it was the it was the beginning of the show yeah okay so and and that i mean john stewart and and you guys were. In 97, I think it was.

It was 97, yeah. And it was, we started in a studio without an audience. Really? Really. Wow. It wasn't Jon Stewart. It was Craig Kilmore. Right.

How long did he do it for? Long enough to give me a headache. Wow. I mean, he was, whatever. He didn't know the jokes. I'm sitting there going, really? I didn't get the gig? This was the deal.

I mean, he didn't know. The whole idea was just to have some sort of a kind of, you know, that vanilla-y kind of guy who looked like the people on news and stuff. Supposed to look like, yeah, the anchor, yeah. Well, God in heaven. I guess he did that. You just didn't, you know. Well, he replaced him with, I mean, Jon Stewart.

Jon Stewart, yeah. He's still out here doing it to this day. Yeah, but then again, you know, to give you an idea of me, I was like, I'm on this show, okay? Could you just do a fake audition? Just pretend that I'm, you know, to pretend that, you know, give me a shot at it. You're going to pick Jon Stewart.

But, you know, in order, I've already been on the show a while. You know, couldn't you just pretend to do that? I mean, both times. And then when Jon left, it was like, just let me sit in the seat. You don't even have to be, you know you're not going to do that. I mean, both times. And then when John left, it was like, just let me sit in the seat. You didn't even have to be... You know you're not going to hire me. Just put a camera in front of me. Oh, it should have been you.

That's... That would have been a different show. A little bit different for sure. I think by the end of... Especially at that point in my life, the set would have been destroyed. Within a year. What? I'd throw the chair. By the end of, especially at that point in my life, the set would have been destroyed. What?

I'd throw the chair. But, I mean, John did it. I mean, John's job, he did a hell of a job. I mean, he really managed it. He's so kind of a micromanager. And that can be a pain in the ass but he was really brilliant yeah i mean you were able to just come in though and just fucking drop bombs and then yeah you know cut out yeah it was a pretty good game yeah i would say so it's a good game yeah and being involved with something like that do you ever i'm not an out-of-body experience but do you ever like separate yourself

and realize like you know change the world is is dressed is dramatic but like for my generation for me at least like it changed the way I consumed news. Totally. I mean, The Daily Show, what you guys do with The Daily Show is absolutely an inflection point of society or something where it left an impact for sure. I'd never seen something like that where it was like, oh, I didn't even know you could make fun of those people.

I didn't know you could point out the stupid shit they say. And again, maybe it was like oh we're making i didn't know you could make fun of those people i didn't know you could like point out the stupid shit they say and again maybe he's young maybe it was happening before then but that i was at the age where that's where i started realizing well exactly well carlin right did it i mean lenny bruce did it mort saul did it there was a whole bunch of guys this guy mark russell uh this comic that a lot of people don't know sit at a piano in washington dc and sing these sing these really funny songs about these idiots and then but he this comic that a lot of people don't know, sit at a piano in Washington, D.C., and sing these really funny songs about these idiots. And then do the commentary. So it was always kind of present in the air.

There's a magazine called The Realist, which you should look up because it's really, that was my daily show. It was like, holy, and I was so glad my parents didn't find this. It was like worse in a way than if I had Playboy under my bed. They had – he had a thing. He had a guy who did a portrait of all of the Disney characters, right, but doing the filthiest things you can imagine.

But it looks like when you're looking at it, I've got it at home. I've got it in color. Because you could get it in color. I had to leave it. I did it after I got out of my parents' house because they couldn't handle it. But it was just this spectacular array.

Like Mickey Mouse is shooting up and Goofy's getting a blowjob from Daisy Duck. I mean, it's like bizarre. And Dumbo's flying and shitting on everybody. But when you're looking at it initially, you go, oh, fuck. And so that kind of stuff. And I do think that it had an effect. And I think what it not only did that, I think it also, which is, I mean, that's I didn't realize that that you had the effect. You said it also had the effect of being able to step away from all the bullshit that went on all day and go, this is ridiculous.

Right. These people are idiots. Yeah. Well, no, I think that's also it made me realize that everyone's stupid yeah i don't think i realize that you see someone on tv you see someone in a suit in front of a podium giving a speech well they have to be smart yeah and then it was like oh wait they're actually the dumbest motherfuckers out here and you guys expose that you know even with the you know i've obviously knew the carlins and lundy bruce's and

things like that but like you guys had the proof whereas like. Maybe they actually said that. I don't really know. But you guys were like, here it is. Look how fucking dumb this is. Yeah, that was unbelievable. And it's why in my act, actually, if I've got something that I think is really crazy, I have the... I have it. I cut it out of the paper and I stand there and go...

Here it is. That's great. Shut the fuck up. I'm not going to listen to you whining about this. I think whether it was intentional or unintentional, you opened the door for, I guess, people like myself to just be like, shut the fuck up and fuck you. And I think the world needed that. So who knows?

Maybe we've gone too far with that now. I don't know. But at that point in time, we needed it. I think it world needed that. So who knows? Maybe we've gone too far with that now. I don't know. But at that point in time, we needed it. I think it's great amongst us. Yeah. When it got, when it bled into these politicians, no, you don't get to do that. Right. Right.

You don't. We're the dummies. You have to have decorum. Yeah, you have to have decorum. We're allowed to do this. So kiss my dick. Amen, brother. All right.

So the special is out May 2nd. May 2nd. And I will be on – I'm going to host The Daily Show for two days. Oh, cool. Maybe four. There you go. You lucky dog. Don't go crazy.

Why would they do that? It could be down to eight minutes. But they're letting all of the, those of us who work, there's the correspondents, sit in the chair. So Roy Wood did it this week. Oh, great, great, great. So now, and that'll, and I, of course, went nuts because when they started doing the guest host, I was going, you have to start with us. Those people should be on the line, you fucking idiot. It just really enrages me.

Just show some courtesy. Again, it's not hard. It isn't hard at all. Just a little. Or lie. Right, right. Pick up some bullshit while you can't use this. Please, how tough is it?'re the best man thank you so much thank you so much when is the daily show the daily show

maybe june 19th i don't know i'll call you yeah you get the messages before i do this was really fun great thank you so much awesome we'd love to any any this is your gig is i mean i've this is it i started looking at the stuff yeah and uh you see you just this is fucking sick listen what i was doing required some work oh no this is nothing bro you you yeah you actually had to know what you're talking about and put in some effort this literally press the mic and yell fuck a bunch of times. Every guest we've ever had was smarter than us. So it's fantastic.

I mean, literally the door is forever open if you want to pop in. I love to have you. We say that kind of stuff all the time. And I do mean it. Door's open. But truly, you ever want to promote something or get something off your chest or, you know, work out material, whatever. You have this couch and this bike whatever you want the fact that you can you know i mean there's these guys that

i talked to forever in uh um kansas city called or actually it's omaha uh brass gets todd and tyler yeah and they're really uh they were terrific they're the best of the that kind of duo um and uh and so it's so it's great to be on with And, and so it, so it's great to be on with them. And, and because it's like fun to be, I just felt like, Oh, just hanging out,

just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anytime you want, brother. Well, thanks.

Is he free water? We spare no expense. Anything for the legendary. And then the liquor, you guys are just wild. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់� Thank you.