KFC Radio - Wipe My A** or Do My Dishes Ft. Jason Biggs and Taylor Tomlinson

Episode Date: September 2, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and Leave a Review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Early Barstool Memories - Feits watches Untold Crime and Penalties documentary - John Spano bought the islanders with no money - Bishop Sycamore High School Fooled ESPN - Scamming is the way to go - KFC's wedding this past weekend - Am I The A**hole - Voicemails - one simple task - access to one part of phone - smell or taste that brings you back - 02:12:07 Jason Biggs on being a game show host, his "couple goals" relationship with his wife, and how American Pie changed his life - 02:49:38 Taylor Tomlinson on quarter-life crisis, keeping up with TikTok, being happy, and her success at such a young age Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. That's my boss, alwaysFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Clancy and Feidelberg. And later tonight will be, I think, the first time in history, maybe, maybe not, that you and I have gone against each other in something at Barstool. Actually, I think you're right.

Have we ever been on opposite teams for any of these nonsense? I mean, definitely nothing. Maybe at some point. I don't have a memory of everything we've ever done. I know. I mean, Jenga, I've only played with you, never against you. We've done like one-on-one things where we've been against each other. Like the figure skating competition, we were against each other. Yeah, okay.

Oh, man. No one's ever got hosed more than Feidelberg on the figure skating. Dude, the figure skating contest, that's old school barstool, old school bro show, if you will. A lot of people probably don't even know what that means anymore. Bro show. Back when we used to do these crazy... That was our fucking YouTube channel.

It's the bro show, yo. It was youtube.com slash it's the bro show, yo. What the fuck was Portnoy thinking on that one? Oh my god. I mean, I'll give him Bro Show. I don't remember ever, like, discussing that.

You know, at the time, like, Bros and Bro Bible and Frat Move and all that shit was, like, a big deal. So Bro works, Bro Show. But the Yo? Have you ever heard Dave be like, what up, Yo? It's the Bro Show. That might be Gaz. That might be Gaz setting up a YouTube channel. Bro Show was taken.

Well, then what's he thinking? Jesus Christ. It's the Bro Show, yo. I remember people being like, I can't find Barstool's YouTube channel. I was like, because you have to search. It's the Bro Show, yo. But, man, that was neat. The only thing that was as bad as that was the keep reading, bitches.

No, but people love that. People like, at least there was, no was the keep reading bitches no but people love that people like at least there was um no no i shouldn't say people love that but at the bottom of every web page web web page is that what it's called like yeah right the way it was designed yeah yeah back when it was just a blog and we had a web page uh you know there was like five or six blogs on a page and then you have to click to page two and at the bottom there was a rather than just saying like click to keep reading it say keep reading bitches which i think is kind of like our fight club like if you were to if you were to like see an og stoolie or something if someone like the way you know if someone's og you'd be like keep reading and they go like bitches you know what what I mean? Like that's for the true guys who like when we were only on desktop.

I remember. Dude, there's so many fucking things. There's so many fucking things in this company that I was like emailing Dave and him being like, I don't get it. Like I was early, like maybe like 2010 or 11. This guy was like, let me make you an app. Like you need an app. And I went to Dave and I was like, I've got this, this developer who wants to make us an app. And he was like, why? We already are on like mobile. You can just go on like, you know, you can go on the internet on your phone. And I was like, I know. Yeah, we do have like,

and that was at that point, I don't even know if we did have mobile. I think it was still like a desktop on your phone. So you had to like – but he was like, no, we're just on the internet. I was like, I know, but this is like a – this is a real thing. No, never happened. Like, oh, okay. Yeah, who needs an app? I think I remember him because Whitney – Whitney has always been a varsity fan. And Whitney was like borderline.

And I think if you put him to a lie detector test, I would you whitney was a commenter for a while oh hell yeah absolutely he had multiple commenter names that motherfucker but he used to reply to tweets all the time yeah and uh i i you know this is i'm 99 sure this happened i i can't remember exactly what it was but it was something like dave tweeted like do we need a mobile app i feel like everyone just goes to the website and when he was like yeah you don't need an app these dumb motherfuckers i'm pretty pretty pretty sure i remember seeing that and be like i don't know i can't i can't get with you i mean apps podcasts youtube like major, major things that are like not even like ideas that I quote unquote had or something. These were like sweeping internet movements that have just become a part of the culture of like technology. And all three of them were met with like, nah, we don't do that.

It was like, god damn it, you guys. Imagine being an anti-apper. Like, nah, we don't do that. I was like, god damn it, you guys. Imagine being an anti-apper. Like, nah, we don't need it. Imagine right now nowadays saying like, who needs an app? A podcast, that's not going to work. What, you want to do video on YouTube? I mean, it's crazy. And hey, and that's what's wild is that we still made it to like a half a billion dollar company.

It's almost like I actually believe truly deep down in my heart we wouldn't have got to where we're at if we were led by the type of guy who says yes to an app and to podcasts and to YouTube. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, those are obviously the correct choices. But being 10 years late on each of them I think is what like made us who we are so it actually worked out okay it's we we everyone else everyone else on the goddamn internet should be fucking lucky because we shot ourselves in the foot many times and we still and we still beat you we still are we're still laughing guys we'rebling, fucking leaking blood all over the track. Somehow we're still in front.

But the reason all this comes up is because back when we were doing those bro shows, it was basically the Dan and Dave show. It was the Dave show for a long time, and then Dan came along, and he was so good on camera, and they were the two hyper-competitive ones where we were just like, oh, God, do we have to do this? But this was right up Feidelberg's alley, ice skating. So I don't even remember. I think I did a pitch perfect. Pitch perfect was at the time.

I did cups, and I really couldn't skate, so I didn't do anything well. Dan did an eight- minute routine remember that it just kept going and going where he did chumbawamba where it was i i get knocked down but i get up again and it was like funny the first couple times but if you remember that chumbawamba song they say it like 60 times and he just kept falling down and getting up i don't even remember what dave did and fight over comes in doing like triple axels and shit, doing a striptease. He took off his clothes. He was doing twirls.

The kid – the only person who could actually skate and somehow like he wasn't even in the – he was like the first one eliminated or something. It was crazy town. It was. What happened was I did the – if anyone has seen Slapshot. Right. He does like – he just starts taking off all his clothes. And so I did that scene, and I added a couple of pirouettes and things like that into it. But I went first, and you just can't go first.

You really can't go first. They don't know who's coming next. I got my grade, but they had to give enough to be like, well, you know, he can't be a 10 because what if someone else is? Although, I mean, they'd seen everyone warm up. You couldn't get it. I was the only one who could fucking skate. Yeah, you probably got like a seven or something like that. And then we came along and it was like, oh, wait a minute.

That should have been a fucking 10. I don't know. The, um, the, uh, what was I going to say? Gronk was the guest judge. That's what I I going to say? Um. Gronk was the guest, uh, judge. Gronk was, that's what I was going to say. That was the funniest part, was that Gronk was just off fucking ACL surgery. Like, just off ACL surgery. We had to put him in a chair on the bench and then fucking slide him across the ice.

Because he was about to walk on the ice. I remember being like, Rob, stop. Like, no, no. You have an unstable knee, like, two days off of surgery. You can't walk the ice. I remember being like, Rob, stop. Like, no, no. You have an unstable knee like two days off of surgery. You can't walk on ice. Barstool will never get another guest ever. Yeah, we pushed him like a fucking wheelchair on ice over to the judge's desk. Yeah, those were the good old days.

Bro, speaking of hockey, I watched a documentary last night. Yeah, I did it. A documentary. John Feidelberg. Mr. I don't want to watch documentaries because they're too one-sided? Yeah, because this one's so ridiculous that, like, it's pure entertainment. It's not, like, it's not. It's, like all things, fans of documentaries ruin documentaries.

Yes. Because they. Fans of everything are what ruin everything. I mean, I'm a M a mets fan brother i bet i know better than anybody that's the fans that ruin things yeah and um so it is it's it's called untold what it's probably untold series on netflix it's called crime and penalties do you know this story because it's a new england it's a it's a northeast or it's new england but It's New England, but Northeast. It is the Danbury Trashers, which is a UHL hockey team, which is a now defunct minor league hockey team,

but minor league hockey league. And so this dude, Jimmy Galanti. Oh, say no more. Jimmy Galanti. Hey. Oh, how you doing? Bro, he's the real lifelife Tony Soprano. Right, okay.

They say, like, there's a real, like, he has an autograph from James Gandolfini saying, to the real-life Tony Soprano, James Gandolfini. Wow. It is, like, he owned a mega fucking trash enterprise with, like, 70 trucks in Connecticut. Did all of, like, Westchester County and fucking this part of New York. He did all this stuff. I want to say that the Galantes are like, I think they're like, might be from my town. Like some of the Galantes are like in my town

that I went to high school in. Yeah, like my high school town was pretty connected, pretty gang related. And I want to say the Galantes are in there because I remember hearing that name a lot but yeah they're not to be trifled dude the fucking the uh was gonna say the the problems are so based on this family that the kid's name is aj oh yeah like the real kid's name is aj and the um but the – but so anyway, A.J. was a big fan of hockey. He played in high school, got an injury, couldn't play anymore. And he's like, you sat his career's over.

17 years old, sat his hockey career's over. To be honest, they were showing highlights. I don't think his career was going much further. He never got his career started. Yeah, it was – he was going to have to have a career that ended in high school. So it ended in high school. So his dad bought him a minor league

hockey team. And 17-year-old A.J. Galante was the fucking president and GM of the team. And he fucking said... Jimmy's involved in this in this thing

in this documentary which is like it's like part the hockey part the fbi investigation right jimmy galante right and um so the kid is like he's like i ran it the way i fucked away at my two loves pro wrestling and the mighty ducks and these guys – yo, so they paid everyone under the table. They were like – some players were involved in it too. And they were like, dude, I score a game-winning goal. Jimmy would walk in and just throw $10,000 at my feet. Like he's like it was just – he's like we were paid so much money under the table. Dude, they would get calls on the bench like pregame.

Like the equipment manager who's a lunatic, an absolute lunatic, right? Dude, they were showing highlights of this guy coaching children, like middle school children younger than that, fucking bashing them into the boards. And then they ask him, did you hit kids when you were coaching them? He goes, yeah, I mean, cocaine's a hell of a drug. This is all on the record?

This is in the documentary? In the documentary, Kevin. And there are so many characters in this, but they're talking. This is one guy, Brad Wingfield, who is like just a fucking animal. And he's talking about opening night, the first game, and the equipment manager taps him on the shoulder and hands him a phone and points up to the owner's box. And Jimmy's waving the phone.

And he answers it. And he goes, the second the puck drops, fight. And so the guy gets out there. First thing, drops the glove, just sprints out and starts fucking bagging on people. Dude, it was nuts. Dude, they had – so this was in 04. Kevin, it's insanity. Was there any reason? Did he say why he wanted them to fight or he just wanted them to fight?

Just wanted them to get the crowd into it, baby. It was open. I didn't have the trashers. They were the evil empire. They called the stadium hell. It was just welcome to hell. Dude, they were fucking clips of guys just taking full baseball swings at people. And this isn't like some beer league.

It's a real minor league. Yeah, yeah. Were they good? They were very good because they had goons, but they also had really good – Dude, Ben Gretzky's brother was on the team. Brent Gretzky was on the team. They had a Gretzky's brother was on the team. Brent Gretzky was on the team. They had a Gretzky? Dude, he was the first player they announced.

Dude, I'll be honest. AJ, like, is kind of smart. Like, AJ knew when he was 17 years old, but, like, at his press conference, he's like, all right, time to announce our first player and our captain, Gretzky. You maybe have heard of him, Gretzky. That's unreal. But he's not involved in this documentary, believe it or not.

Stunned. But the whole thing is – it's fucking nuts. But what was it? Fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. I was going to say something else. I don't know. But he like – I tipped my cap to AJ. He knew what he was doing.

Something like minor league hockey, you probably can run. I remember. So it was in 2004, right? And the NHL locked out in 2004. So this is how legit of a league it was. AJ had gone to the Devils, won the Cup

the year before. And AJ had gone to the clin Devils won the cup the year before. And A.J. had gone to the clinching game. And Mike Rupp, who now works for NHL Network, I think. He's a very good player. He scored the game-winning goal. And he's like, I want Rupp. And Rupp's involved in this documentary. And so Rupp goes, my agent calls me once the lockout's announced.

And he goes, hey, I just talked to this minor league team in Connecticut. And the owner, he wants to just pay to this minor league team in Connecticut. And the owner, he wants to just pay you with a duffel bag of cash. And Red Rub goes, what? And he's like, yeah, he just wants to give you a big bag of cash to come play for his team. And I was like, yeah, alright.

Sounds good to me. So it was a legit enough league that a bona fide NHL player was like, alright, that's where I'll go to. Well, it's like it was a legit enough league that like a bona fide NHL player was like, all right, that's where I'll go. Well, it's so it's like, yeah, AJ's smart. But is there was there like a salary cap? Are there rules or was it just like I can spend all the money in the world because I have Jimmy Galante backing me? No, there was a salary cap, but they don't fucking factor in the cash. Oh, right, right, right.

Untold stories, what's it called? They don't fucking factor in the cash that you're giving everybody. Oh, right, right, right. That's unreal. Untold Stories, what's it called? It's called Untold Crime and Penalties. Crime and Penalties. How about this? I get it now. Clever. The commissioner of the league, who's heavily involved in this documentary as well,

another great character. The FBI was trying to get him to he the whole time he's talking about like what a headache jimmy galante was and you know how you know they were just fucking causing chaos to the league but then it's like halfway through there's a shift where he's like he's like but i finally like it kind of clicked like what they were doing and it was working yeah it was bringing a lot of attention these sports center was doing fucking exposes on them and shit and when the fbi finally catches jimmy they bring in this guy the commissioner and they spend like six hours trying to convince him to admit that he was scared of jimmy and he's like and i just never i wasn't like i the guy i knew was like kind of warm and friendly a little crazy crazy. Dude, that's always mobsters.

Mobsters are always that way. They're good people to the people that they're not in business with. And Jimmy goes, he goes, look, he's like, you know, loyalty is a funny thing because the people you never expected it from, sometimes they're the ones who are going to give it to you. Yes. Him not admitting that kept him out of jail for a long, long time. Absolutely, man. I'm sorry. I'm spoiling the whole thing for everybody. yes him not admitting that like kept him out of jail for a long long time absolutely man

no it's i'm sorry i'm spoiling the whole thing for everybody i don't care it was so awesome it was at the end brad wingfield the guy who's the fighter he's like you know i just never i lost touch with jimmy i never see him anymore like i love like he's such a great guy i love jimmy and this guy's like the badass he's the fucking he's a badass yeah and then you hear from the background heard you looking for a beating and it comes out and he starts crying brad starts crying bro those guys i there's a reason why the movies and the tv shows work and it's because those guys are like modern day robin hood where it's like all the things you hate about like bureaucracy and the government they don't do and

everything you like they do do and then they keep the fact that they like you know murder people and they break legs under the you know on the hush so you don't think of them as a bad guy and everybody loves them it's like if you can ignore all the bad shit the good shit is fucking amazing so by the end of this i was like this guy's the. In the beginning, they're talking about him tying people up, pulling them in garbage trucks and lighting a truck on fire. Dude, but there's something about Snake It Till You Make It, which is perfect for today because we're talking about Bishop Sycamore. You got to get some money in your pocket, and you got to throw that money around.

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to FTX, so they are the number one app in the game. You can follow them on social, FTX underscore official, FTX underscore app. So follow along with them. Make that money on crypto. Get with the times and get your free crypto coin for any trade over $10 on FTX. Bro, speaking of crypto, you watch the Jake Paul fight, right?

Yeah. How much did that dude, I forget his name, Marco, I think, the dude in the electric suit, loved his joke about he's laughing all the way to the blockchain. That dude said that joke five times. That was Frank the Tank with he's not going to be coaching lines anymore after the Dolphins linebacker coach did coke. I was like, like bro you realize this is the same broadcast right we can we've heard it already

uh so yeah man the the the dream is to uh is to you know the snake it till you make it dream is one that I've always endorsed but there's a few examples that stick out. This, this new, this, the minor league hockey one is a new one to add to the list. I also love the John Spano story of the guy who bought the Islanders with no money, bought a real deal. Forget about minor league hockey, bought a full blown NHL franchise and was bankrupt at the time. He just, I don't even know how he pulled that one off. He just like had some made-off money all moving around from account to account

or something like that. I've forgotten about that story. Honestly, I don't even know if I've ever heard that story until the Bruins Islander Series this year, and Frankie was telling me about it at rallies one night. And like they – you guys had – I mean you guys. Yeah had i mean you guys yeah yeah put me in there um you guys you guys had like a welcome ceremony yeah oh no it was like a done deal i think yeah no he he like won the bid and got the team and then when it was time to run it it was like yeah

i don't have any money which is so funny because they said frank Frankie said that he wrote a check and sent it, but it was for like $200. And they were like, you're missing a ton of zeros. Spectacular. I forget what the price was. I'm obviously not an expert on this story. No. Frankie was like, no, he sent a check. And then they reached out and they were like you're missing so many zeros bro the the like

the lack of it's not even a lack of foresight it's like the ability of john spano to just live his life in the moment that he didn't even consider like well pretty much immediately they're gonna find out i don't have any money. You know, like what is even the point of doing this? They're going to catch me as soon as I don't have the money. But he just like, fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. That is incredible. When was it?

It had to be. Let's find out. I mean. Because it must have been the time when you could show up at the bank and be like, you know, my husband works down at the construction company. And they're like, okay, you're cleared for a loan. Good enough, yeah. It was – Dude, here's the thing.

It was 1996, which is – That's too late for that. That's what I'm saying. Like it's old school, but it's not that old. But here's really the thing. If you know even a little bit about, like, even, like, the mortgage world, like, they used to just give people houses. You know, they were like, oh, you got a job? You promise?

You promise you make enough money for this? Okay. Do you pinky promise? Here's a fucking house, you know? My husband works down at the factory. Like, oh, well, then you're all set. Here you go. Here's a five bedroom uh so like if you could if you if you if the banks and whatnot were were that uh you know lenient and then on top of it you're a criminal so he knew how to do like

bank fraud and wire fraud and all that shit forgerygery. Then you can, you know, so he did forgery in New York, Massachusetts, and Texas, all including fraud to control the... So in 95, he somehow owned a 50% interest in the Dallas Stars, which was pushed... Wait, how? Well, let's read it. September 95, he has a tentative agreement

to buy 50% of the Dallas Stars, but the date for closing was pushed back several times, during which Spano began making what owner Norman Green called, quote, unreasonable demands. So then he backed out of the deal and was like, fuck it. Well, he never actually owned it. He was just kind of just in discussion. Right.

He also, there was a guy on the stars um the president he went to spano's house in the dallas suburbs which was like this huge mansion but you walk in the door and all of it's unfurnished so he just had like the great front of of having a ton of money um so he also made a bid on the florida panthers that didn't work so then you like like then the like how does how do the stars and panthers catch on and the fucking islanders don't but here's the thing how much do you think the new york islanders cost in october of 1996 120 million 165 and actually technically only 80 million dollars for a 90 stake in the team and 85 million for the cable television contract so uh you know pretty much at the only the team itself 80 million bucks which is crazy because like you know there are guys who could buy that shit cash today

but he yeah one of them's our fucking boss right right exactly exactly uh so this guy was rich he owned a leasing operation so at some point he made enough money to like buy oh he here it is here weherited money from his wealthy grandfather, Angelo. Bingo, bango, bongo. It's always an inheritance. Angelo Spano gave him, he claimed to be worth $230 million. So Angelo Spano must have loved him a nice little chunk of that. But then, you know, you blow it all on probably fucking like New York blow

and hookers in the 80s and shit like that. And next thing you know, I mean, I don't know how. it all on probably fucking like new york blow and hookers in the 80s and shit like that and uh next thing you know i mean i i don't know how the new nhl board of governors met in june of 97 spano was conspicuously absent uh the islanders were represented by two men it emerged that spano had only paid 26 200 to picket for the cable right after five attempts. On one attempt, this is amazing. On one attempt, he wired $5,000 instead of $5 million. So he probably was like, oh, I'm sorry.

I just clicked the wrong button. I wrote, you know, they couldn't read my chicken scratch. One time he sent $1,700 instead of 17 million. So this guy was literally just playing the old, like, whoops. I thought there was a decimal there. I thought it was a comma, not a decimal. I'm sorry. Unbelievable.

Bro, I used to do that. I used to do that shit to pay rent. Did you? Dude, my first apartment in Boston, when i was like 22 years old making 50 grand a year cash i i it was more expensive than what the apartment i lived in my first four years in new york my my rent i paid when i was 22 years old making 50 grand was more expensive than what i paid from ages 28 to 32 how did you pull that off how'd you pull that off i'm fucking just saying what this motherfucker did i keep

i keep fucking forgetting to write checks or send me the wrong address or i'd forget to sign it and i'd wait because it was more kevin it was more than two weeks pay right on the first i didn't get paid that much right so i would have to wait for my second paycheck to pay last month my rent so for a full year i would just fucking sometimes i would just send it two weeks late other times i would make sure the check had some kind of issue with it so they'd have to right send it back and I'd have my second paycheck. Snake it. I love it, dude. I don't think I've ever done that with money. But I used to do that with work all the time where they would be like, you have to send over the Excel file tonight by 6 o'clock or, like, you're fired, you know.

And I would send over, like, I would make the whole thing blank where it was like something must have gone wrong. Like it was a corrupted file. Like it wasn't like here's incomplete work. It was like here's work that is completely fucked up where I was like, oh my goodness. I don't know. The extension on the file on Windows must have, you know what I mean? But I sent it. There was something in their inbox by 6 p.m.,

and then that bought me until the next morning to be like, I'm so sorry I left the office after I sent it, and I was working on it all night long, you know? Here you go. Here it is. And it looks exactly the same but all filled in. That kind of shit. Scamming is so stressful, but scamming is the best.

Oh, scamming. Dude, that's why I love that snake it till you make it mantra. It's like it's the same thing, you know, when you're out talking to girls and you lie about your job or how old you are or you're going on a job interview and you make up what your past experiences were or, you know, you're scamming your landlord because you need an extra two weeks or whatever it is, it's like it's a thrill, man, the adrenaline. It's like I would imagine what these guys get when they gamble when they go on the barstool sports book and throw

down a big bet i get that from from hustling from scheming from scamming and you can't i don't think you can like replicate the real world circumstances that pop up where it's like do or die right now you got to come up with an excuse you got to get you got to get through this like what are you gonna do and when you pull it off oh it is great dude great bro in college like i used to fucking i'd take myself to the hospital just for a doctor's note i'd be like i'd go right i'd fucking go i'd go to one class all semester and then fucking i'd go like to the hospital at the beginning of the semester. I'd plan for it.

Absolutely. I'd be like, look, I had a lot of hospital visits this year. And you got all the documentation. You can show it every which way. You just give me a C. Yeah. Or just give me an incomplete. Just don't fail me on this. Right, right. Okay, fine. Give me a shot. I don't give a C. Let me just give you like an incomplete. Just don't fail me on this.

Right, right. Okay, fine. Give me a shot. I don't give a fuck. They respect the fact that I was trying out there. I used to do – I was just talking about this recently. It might have been Rachel Feinstein on the last episode that just aired where when you know you're going to skip a day of work, you got to start seeding it earlier. So if you're going to skip Friday for March Madness, Monday you got to come into the office.

I got this cough. Tuesday you got to throw some water on your face, look like you're sweating. Wednesday is a doctor appointment. Thursday you got you leave early. Friday, you're not coming in. And you've got a whole week's worth of quote-unquote evidence showing that you're sick. That, to me – And much like – we've talked about this with Madoff before.

Much like that, it's probably more work that we're doing. It's a little bit more work than it takes of vacation day yep but it's fun if i if you if madoff put all the effort he did into scamming money he probably could have learned the markets and just made the money but fuck off i don't want to do that you know it's not as fun so the ultimate scam going on right now is bishop sycamore. One of my favorite stories of the year. One of my favorite sports stories of all time. Bishop Sycamore fake school that dupes ESPN. I don't even think this all came to light.

They flew too close to the sun when they went on ESPN because that's what exposed everything. But ESPN, I can understand. They hired an outside uh marketing paragon marketing they were they were like come up with a high school matchup for us for this you know uh season kickoff you know tv event and they are the ones who come up with it right so paragon is told that they have five d1 kids on Bishop Sycamore. They probably don't do too much more research. ESPN okays it.

It gets on the air. That is obviously a major failure, but I understand that. More importantly – See, I would throw a Google search. I'm going to be honest. You tell me you're a D1 recruit, I'm just going to Google you real quick. Well, no, it's a failure of Paragon, but I think like if ESPN – if Paragon says to ESPN, we're good to go.

I think they're like, we did our, we hired a whole fucking company, you know? But more importantly, how did they continually dupe like all these high school leagues? How do they even play all these games? I mean, I guess it's just more of the same. They just like lie to someone who says like, okay, sounds

good to me. It's just people mailing it in everywhere. But I feel like it's more embarrassing for all the other people they duped, not just ESPN. ESPN at least tried to do the right thing, but how the fuck do they even schedule all the games? I think ESPN got wise to it

pretty quick. Oh, real quick. On the broadcast. The clips I saw of the commentator being like, this is just this isn't real. These two teams do not like he was calling it out. I forget his name, but he was. Yeah, Tom. It was Tom Lugenbill, or I don't is just, this isn't real. These two teams do not belong. Like, he was calling it out. I forget his name, but he was. Yeah, Tom Lugenbill, or I don't know how to say his last name, but Tom Lugenbill, something like that. He was like, yeah, they said they have five D1 recruits.

And not only are we not seeing that on the field today, but we found no such thing in our research. Like, there's not, you know, you look at all the five-star recruits and none of that. Wouldn't that research come up earlier? Like you don't do that research live in-game. Well, that's the thing. I bet it's like – I bet you the broadcasters who take their job seriously do the research, but your first like notion isn't probably this team isn't real.

Maybe there's guys who have like I got an uncle or a father Your first notion isn't probably this team isn't real. Maybe there's guys who have like I got an uncle or a father who hypes me up as a D1 athlete, and that gets into an article somewhere. But when you do your research, it's not actually on the list. I bet you that happens somewhat. There's other examples of that, not just straight up fraudulent. We are inventing. But, I mean, some of the details, man, it's funny. I get hounded by people every single day when I post one minute, man.

These videos are too long. It's called one minute, man. Why is it one minute? So now I've been doing them for one minute and everyone's like, this was way too short. I wanted more details on this. Like, fuck you guys. But there really are endless details. My favorite being they played two games in three days they said that they had a split squad they said that they were using

separate rosters for these games and they would just have guys change numbers but it was very clearly still the same player and the guys are playing both ways right so they played two games in three days both ways and that's where the announcers were like not only is this like silly but this is like dangerous like a kid could get and then the coach needs to have fucking running clock they're down like 40 in the second quarter and he's like now we're playing the full game what are you that's what i don't quite understand is i guess you want to um i guess you want to make it on espn and you want to get to the big stage but why are you why are you trying to get games against img academy who

you know is going to blow you out 65 nothing just going to kick your fucking ass like yeah like this is some real this is like the this coach doesn't seem to be a very good man like just just hasn't read icarus active active war Warren out for his arrest. So, yeah, he flies too close to the sun. Yeah. Like, just stay off fucking one of the largest networks in the world. Right. Stay off that.

And they probably could have kept going forever. Go around Northeast Ohio, wherever the fuck Canton is. Go around Northeast Ohio. Play teams all you want. You probably make a couple bucks off these kids who you're fucking scamming the shit out of, making them sleep on floors and rob fucking supermarkets to eat. Dude, that – Also, hang on. That's a little dramatic from the kid, right?

Well, I was going to say – so the bombshellé came from Complex, and what I appreciate Complex doing is they ran the interview. They transcribed the interview as is. So this is a young kid. He's speaking in slang. He's cursing. And they did it word for word. But it led to a lot of like, well, wait a minute. What are the details of that story there?

There wasn't much follow-up on things like he said there was a stabbing. Wait, what? Like where? When? Who stabbed who? On the field? In the house? In the Walmart? I think those guys just wanted to rob a Walmart. I don't think that was necessarily too related to the school. I don't think they robbed it. I think they stole food from it. Yeah, right, right. It wasn't like, give me all your fucking money. I think it was like we were stealing the frozen fruit out of the –

Yeah, we were fucking pocketing some rotisserie tickets. Yeah. You stole food. You didn't rob a place. I definitely think there was some theatrics on both sides. My favorite being – my favorite was the coaches told us we were going to end up – Maybe they robbed it. If they did, that's crazy.

No, I think that was more – I think that was more we were promised we were going to end up... Maybe they robbed it, but if they did, that's crazy. No, I think that was more we were promised we were going to have the best of the best. The uniforms, the facilities, the training, and he was like, bro, we didn't even have food. We had to go scam Walmart for food. I think that's

what he meant. But I love those coaches telling him, coaches saying, you're going to end up on Netflix. Oh, yeah, you are. Oh, yeah, you are for the wrong reasons, but I can guarantee you you're going to end up on Netflix. Which is also, by the way, the best thing. Like if you ask me, would I rather play for a top-notch football,

high school football program, unless you are like a truly, you're going to make it to the league. Otherwise, would you rather play for IMG or would you rather play for Bishop Sycamore and one day they're going to do a fucking 30 for 30 on you and a Netflix special and you're going to be doing podcasts and you're going to be, I mean, if this kid, I don't know if he's going to, it doesn't seem like he is, but if you want to play his cards right, this dude could have his own fucking entertainment career because of this thing.

You know, like all that takes, all it takes is one little credit. Like, who is this guy? Why are we watching his YouTube channel? Oh, he was on Bishop Sycamore. Okay, done. That's all it takes. Now I'm interested in you, you know? And I will say this.

I think I would say 50% of this story is the coaches who were sleazy but good scammers and impressionable, gullible youth and bureaucracy, red tape, and corruption that allows all this to happen. The other 50% is the name Bishop Sycamore. I swear to God, that being their school name, it sounds so real and unique and regal. Like, oh, I play for Bishop Sycamore. Of course that's a real school. Like, we got to put them on air.

I think it's all in the name, baby. It was great marketing. But it doesn't make any sense, right? Like, I guess I can't speak. I can only speak to, like, the bishops that are around my, where I grew up. But, like, they're named after bishops. Was there a sycamore? I don't know.

Like, there's no such thing as a sycamore. Sycamore's not a name. It's a tree. Mr. Sycamore, come on down. I mean, it's a school that never existed for a team that barely could play with a coach. People are clowning these kids. These men. These are men.

Yeah, I was going to say, these 21-year-old Juco players who came back to beat up on 15-year-old freshmen. Bro, when I was 21 years old, I would have gotten my fucking ass kicked by high school athletes yeah that is true though right like like once you're out the game i guess these guys weren't technically up games they played juco or whatever yeah but like if i if i was 21 years old i got to go back and play high school sports i fucking wouldn't make the team where do you think the inflection point is because like for a time, just being the older kid meant you were better at sports. You know, if you're an eighth grader playing against second graders, you're going to dominate. But if you give me that same six-year difference, you know, later in life, it's actually a detriment.

So where, like, at what age do you think it becomes that? I don't know if it's an age. I think it's just, like, once you stop playing. Right, right. age do you think it becomes that i don't know if it's an age i think it's just like once you stop playing right like when you're when you are 14 and everyone else is 12 or 10 and we're doing the danny almonte thing that like at least you're all playing every day so you're like but once i turned 18 and and the world told me my athletic career was actually no not quite a little baseball but once i okay once i turned 19 or 20 whatever whatever age I was, and they told me, like, your athletic career is done. Probably two years after that, I couldn't play. You think it was, though?

I mean, baseball is unique because I think it's a very specialization game. But, like, if you played some level of college ball and you are now 26, and you go back and play high school basketballers, like a high school basketball team, I feel like you could still beat up on them because you're just like a bigger man. You still have your skills. So it's probably like sport to sport, no? Yeah, it's probably sport to sport.

But I think there is such – and maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not as athletic as I thought I was when I was younger. But it's everything I do now, I'm right on, but I'm just off. Yeah. Like when I – I got in the cage when we went to Red Sox Winterfest. Yeah. And I got in the cage.

It was like 60. And I hadn't swung a bat. This was probably two years ago. So I was 31. I probably hadn't swung a bat with any intent in over 10 years. And I fouled off every ball. It was right on every ball. Every ball went right back.

But I did not put one in play. And it's just like I think everything's just going to be like you're just a little bit off. And that's everything. And that's all sports though. Yeah, you lose an inch. You lose a half a mile. You lose lose like whatever that means you now suck but but but i mean how how there wasn't a red flag last year when there was there was highlights on like espn on sports center's twitter of bishop sycamore's quarterback slash linebacker, who was three sizes bigger than everyone,

who was trucking people with a QB sneak and then laying them out when he was playing defense. It was like, this is not real in high school football prep school stuff. What's happening here? The greatest scam of all time. Yeah, you don't play fucking QB and linebacker at a real school. It's just not a fucking thing, guys. That just does not happen.

And that's probably where – Although I think Tom Brady might play linebacker this year for week four. Week four. He's going to want to make sure Mac Jones does poorly so badly that there's a chance Tom Brady suits up and plays linebacker week four. I knew he was going to want to hang on. He might play linebacker. So, I mean, I just want to give you a chance, by the way,

to thank Cam Newton for all the Super Bowls he won for you and all the great times you had with him. I know you guys were proclaiming him MVP, and he was going back to the Super Bowl and whatnot under Cam. So any last words for the Cam Newton era in New England? He issued in – he ushered in the second era. Like you said to Jason Biggs coming up shortly, you don't want to be the guy after the guy,

you want to be the guy after that guy. He set things up perfectly for Mac. Thank you, Cam. Set up the second guy. So technically he did usher in more Super Bowls for you. It just was paving the way for Mac Jones, right? That's what I was saying the whole time. Of course. Of course of course silly me uh john is right jason biggs is coming up as is taylor tomlinson

we got two interviews today that are both stellar jason biggs just one of my favorite guys in all of hollywood uh like just a normal ass dude who happened to get to fuck a pie. And that was really like, and we talk about that amongst his new foray into game shows as he's like yelling at his kids in the background of the zoom. He's just like a regular ass dude who happened to come up during the golden age of Hollywood. And, and then there's Taylor who was just the success that Taylor Tomlinson has, has seen at her age,

quite simply put as is nauseating. It makes me so jealous and so angry that she's doing a theater tour at the age of 27, where most people it takes them until they're like 50. So she is so well on her way. So two unbelievable interviews coming up. But I got to give you a little recap first of my Indian wedding. It was a hell of a time this weekend. I got out there.

I had a few soda pops, a few drinks, and the groom sent out an email before the weekend started saying he had a couple things on his list. And he said one of them was no fucking around with drinking and driving. We're up here in the middle of nowhere. I don't want anyone driving on dark roads after you had a few drinks. And he was very stern with it. And it was a great message for everyone at the wedding. Everybody followed.

Everybody listened to him, and there was no nonsense. And that's what the National Highway Safety Traffic Administration is asking you to do. NHTSA has their Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over campaign. You've heard us talk about that a few times here on KFC Radio. And that's only real growing up. Honestly, it really is. I remember my mom and dad being like, they would say things like,

don't worry about if you get in trouble with the teacher. Worry about getting in trouble with me because there are certain things that I care about. It was like, don't get anybody pregnant. Don't throw the first punch. You're allowed to throw the second punch, and don't ever drive drunk. And it was like, okay. And so NHTSA is here to remind you every holiday, since Labor Day is upon us, that you drive sober, you get pulled over. Because you could not only kill somebody or hurt someone,

you could also end up just catching a case, going to jail, wrecking your car. Just an endless amount of truly, really bad consequences for something that is entirely avoidable with the amount of driving apps we have and taxi services around. You want to be a baller like John, you can catch a helicopter these days. Yeah, why don't you just get an Airbnb or hit up Hotel Tonight. There's a million apps that one way or another help you not get behind the wheel after you've been drinking. My dad, my dad will come get you. Yeah, Papa Fights will come get you.

He'll scoop you up. He's like, I don't care if you're drunk. I'll come get you. Do not drive. So check out NHTSA. You can Google their Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over campaign or visit traffic safety marketing.gov today. Yeah, so like my best friend got married marrying an indian girl so friday night

was this uh like a like a smaller ceremony it was kind of like a cocktail hour uh mixed with um they had like girls doing henna tattoos where all the girls got like tats on their arms i did not that's for the girls only So that's actually a very funny story. So let me paint the picture. We're all dressed in shirts. Most underrated cookie in the world. The Fig Newton. The Fig Newton. Here's the problem.

Let me tell you, though. It's underrated. It's also very hit or miss because often that box has been sitting on the shelves for quite some time because it's so underrated. When you get an old Fig Newton, it's like dusty and it's not good. When you get a fresh Fig Newton, it's not a cookie. It's not a cookie. It's a cake. It is so soft.

It's my favorite part about coming home. That pants are not for Fig Newton. I'll polish off a row in the box like no fucking problem. And you know what? It feels like it's healthy, right? Fig Newton.

That's not like a chocolate chip cookie. It's healthy for you. For sure not. It's like a jelly sandwich. I don't know. I feel like it was on TikTok or one of these apps. Remember when they were talking about how there's bugs inside of strawberries there's some sort of shit with figs where like you can catch a bad fig and it's like loaded up with maggots or something and i was

like not reading that and i don't care i ain't losing my my semi-annual fig newton don't care twice a year i'm good twice a year i'm good for like 30 fucking fig newtons in one session um so i i'm in we're all in the traditional indian wear most of us just got what's called a can i see a picture of it yeah i've been kind of like hinting at asking you for a picture all week and you've been rebuffing my request i have not been doing that on purpose i um let me see i actually don't have any from the wedding where i was wearing that but i have one from so when i was when i ordered it it arrived and i immediately tried it on and uh it was so you know different from everything I'm usually wearing

that immediately Shay, five-and-a-half-year-old girl, goes, I got to take a picture of that. Give me your phone. Which was crazy to me because now that means, I mean, she knows how to, like, so I gave her the phone. I opened up the app for her, but she knew how to, like, take the picture. She's like, I got to share this with my YouTube subscribers. That's what it felt like.

She's like, my followers are going to love this. Let me get this. I'm scrolling through. My text, you know how usually you can go to info up on your text and then all the pictures you've ever sent? That's not working for me. Okay, here it is. Copy. I am texting it to you right now as we speak this is me trying it on at the house for shea um and we'll

put this picture out we'll put this in the youtube go to go to ksc radio uh youtube channel you'll be able to see me in the traditional indian wear so that's what's called a kurta john and it's like a long shirt like a long sleeve uh goes down to your knees with uh like five or six buttons so i was wearing that you can also go a step further oh shit i i think it's pretty fucking fire i i kind of like it man i i uh like it was i i definitely picked out the color uh You know me always with the blue. Kevin, the second I saw this, I was like, someone wanted an eye day. Yeah. But it wasn't like I – I wasn't like, whatever, just get me anything. I was like, let me check out what kind of designs and what kind of colors we got.

Bro, I didn't expect it to be this good. It's dope. It's very nice. You said something where like – you said some of your other friends got more dressed up than you, but you just had on kind of like a baggy shirt. I honestly was picturing you in like a freeform shirt. No, no, no, no, no. This is – So here's what happened, though. Because, I think, because Indian people are a little bit smaller compared to us, like, fat Northeastern Americans, things were a little bit snug. And the pants that it came with, no shot.

No shot, bro. These, I would have, the minute that I tried to get low on the dance floor, I would have ripped these pants in half. So what I paired it with was a pair of the dark blue, navy blue Moonman lounge pants that we have on sale. It matched the blue color scheme so well. And the pants that are underneath it are kind of like baggy and loose in the first place. So it all worked perfectly. But if you were paying attention, there was a little moon man on my ankle. So I don't know if that jives, but I rocked that. And I had a pair of blue suede common projects that are not – they are just flat out too small for me to wear. They're like your small underpants. So I really have to, like, cram my toes in there.

So I only wear them, like, once a year because they are just flat out like two sizes too small but the blue and the suede it all worked too perfectly so i was feeling myself you're like a chick at the wedding like once the reception really gets going the shoes come off i have a story john i have a story about that don't you worry it's coming um so i'm feeling myself but i got a buddy who he went a step further. You can wear this kurta, and then on top of it is basically like their version of a blazer. It's the same length. It goes all the way down to, like, past your knees, but it's just an overcoat, like a jacket that has, like, a different, like, the same sort of collar. And then he had a scarf as well. So he's got this black and gold motif going with the scarf down to his knees.

My buddy who went to Columbia got this one that was Columbia blue. They looked like a pair of satin pajamas. He got legitimate silk. I don't even know how much he spent on his. We were decked out. Me and my friends took it very seriously everybody were was enjoying it i mean it's it's great if every formal event i could ever go to from now on was like baggy pants and like a like a sleep shirt i'd be like fuck yeah bro so we get

there and uh the bride's family is awesome and we're talking to her uncle his name was ro and he immediately starts talking he's got this queen's accent he's like yeah i mean we don't even fucking dress up like this very often like just very normal like it was there they were an awesome time but he was the one who said come on in guys um we were the first ones there uh and he's like over here is the like where there's food over here's the drinks and over here if you would like to over here is the, like, where there's food. Over here is the drinks. And over here, if you would like to join us, is the henna tattoo station. And I go, all right, let's do it. And he goes, oh, no, no, not for you.

It's for the girls. I was like, fuck. Of course, so telling that I'm like, ooh, what's available? And they're like, no, that's for the girls. I'm like, yeah, that checks out. That checks out. Let's go. So I was a little disappointed in that.

I would have loved to get inked up. You know what was funny, though? And, you know, most people, I think, know henna tattoos. I know them to be not permanent, but not, you know, just like your average, you know, rub a sponge on it, right? It's not your fucking wedding. Right. But they did it, and then the girls were done. They were like, okay, so that'll be,

that'll come off in like a week and a half. And I was like, oh. Oh, I thought it was longer than that. I didn't know. I thought it was also, though, if you, I guess, I don't know if you, like, there was a couple girls who definitely got it who were like, oh, I didn't, I didn't know it would be like, you know know i got like a presentation next week or something like that

but so everyone's got it like uh to the nines and i'm i'm sitting here like i just want uh i just want to have a tattoo like no no no that's for the ladies you chump uh anyway the wedding ends up being amazing it was truly like one of the nicest weddings i've ever been to it was so different it was out in the woods. I think they do a brush fire on purpose. A controlled one to get rid of all the bushes and shit. So there was just rows of super tall, thin, straight trees. I don't even know what kind of trees these were.

But it looked like something out of a movie. They got married in front of that. Really cool. The reception was in a barn that had multiple levels. All that's good. Then at the end, John, they're like, to finish up the night, come join us for a bonfire where we can make s'mores and smoke cigars. I'm going to send you a picture of the bonfire, John.

It was I gotta get an Indian friend If we got any Indian schoolies listening to KFC radio And you're getting married Invite me You would go all out Akash did it real big He had like a real big Indian wedding

I saw Akash's wedding I want to do one of these Check out the picture I just sent you, bro. This was the bonfire for s'mores. It's the biggest goddamn fire I've ever fucking seen. I swear to God, it was. Bro, and the live video is, the live photo is crazy. I mean, that, yes.

Bro, I just called the fire department. This can't be saved. I honestly think that, I don't know called the fire department look at yeah this can't be safe i honestly think that uh i i don't know if the groom was joking but i think at one point he said like surrounding people have called the cops it was so big uh and so we get there again first on the scene i don't like to be late for things and it's it's roaring first of all you can feel that heat from like a hundred feet away like a lot like it was like intense heat on my face and i'm thinking god damn i don't respect what firefighters do enough like that was you know this is a big fire but it's like a controlled thing imagine a whole fucking house like that

and you're running into it crazy right so everybody wants their s'mores and they got this dope setup with they got these really really long likeicks, the fatso extra large marshmallows, tons of Hershey bars, tons of graham crackers. And everybody's kind of drunk and they're partied and they want their s'mores. You can't get close. Well, that's the thing. thing, what you're supposed to do is, you know, you set up this, like, teepee shape of the, of the wood, and it burns, and then eventually it collapses in, and then it becomes more, like, wider, but lower, and then you can have, like, then it's like a giant campfire, well, we're a bunch of dumb drunk people, and we're just, people are just trying to get, get into this, and fucking roast their

marshmallows, you know, maybe three feet away. Maybe the, the, the, the toothpick was like a yardstick. And there was like one person who worked there on the scene being like, um, just,

just give it a, just give it a couple more minutes. And people were just like, nah, man, I'm going in. People are, I,

and I watched this one girl, she was covering her eyes with the one hand, leaning into the bonfire with the other while looking away and trying to keep her body out. And then her s'more caught on fire, and she starts waving it, and like an ember is like hitting her in the face. And I'm watching all of my friends who are all just like dumb, drunk morons who are craving this so badly that they're willing to run up on like a five alarm blaze. And I'm just sitting like on the hill of grass, well away from everything, being like, I just don't need a s'more this bad. It's just a s'more. Relax. And then eventually it did collapse.

But all my dummy friends were around there, so it falls in. I was like, you guys are going to get engulfed by fire. Just give it five more minutes. And what was really funny was there was also the cigar table, so they had those torch lighters. So I just sat there and I just torched my own

with the fucking handheld lighter. I'll be over here just doing a s'more with a lighter while you guys set yourself on fire. No big deal. It was a great wedding, though, man, and the Indian portion of it. I wish both nights. The second night was American, and I was back in a suit. How about this for just getting completely bullied

and bowled over as we tend to do? I put on my suit. It's my blue suit. In the barstool world, I feel like people only own suits for bad things. It's either a wedding or it's like a funeral or you're going to court or something bad. None of us are really in the suit game other than Dave. So I pulled out my divorce suit, and I put it on, and

it's pretty tight. Bro, I'll be honest. If I was having a wedding, I'd be like, you're not allowed to wear the divorce suit. Because it just means bad. That's a good point. That's a great point. That's a great point. Well, I'll tell you what, John. I've only had two.

I only have two real nice suits, and they've both been to divorce court dates. So that's it. You're shit out of luck. You're getting one of them. So I put it on. I go to the tailor, and I expected it to not even be close to fitting. But I pull it up, and I'm like, and I kind of put it together, and I'm able to.

And the tailor goes like like it's not that bad it's not really worth it I would only have to take out half an inch it's not like I need to do a major overhaul here so I don't think it's worth it and I'm standing there in the laundromat in the little changing room

and I see what he's saying I kind of agree he's really not going to do that much so yeah fuck it then the day comes and I kind of agree. I'm like, yeah, he's really not going to do that much. So, yeah, fuck it. Then the day comes and I put it on and I'm like, I'm just wildly uncomfortable. And why? He was like, you know, it'll only be a half an inch. But half an inch was what I needed to be able to tuck my shirt in and move around and stuff.

So because the tailor was like, it's not like I have to do six inches here, bud. I just let him talk me into being uncomfortable the whole night. I'm like, why the fuck did I do that? Of course. Because you're a normal person, Captain. Because you're not going to make someone do something they clearly don't want to do.

I'll be uncomfortable so you don't have to take a half inch out of my pants. Wouldn't that be the dream, though? Take a half inch out of my pants? You wouldn't be the first one. Hey! wouldn't that be the dream though it's like my pants you wouldn't be the first one wouldn't you rather just like i would imagine it's probably one of those things like whether i take six inches or half an inch it's like the same amount of work but i don't know probably not it's like you can do you could probably do this taylor job in a fraction of the time charge me the same amount and instead you just kind of shamed me into leaving it.

And then the whole night, like, I couldn't – I was like, if I drop my phone or drop something, it belongs to the earth now. Someone else has to pick this up for me. I ain't going down there. Just classic no self-respect. Yeah. You're folding it up off the top of your shoe and then kicking it into the air dude i'll tell you getting fat is an old is the worst not just like i mean yeah if you get

really fat of course that sucks but you know just the the like oh yeah love handles or man boobs or just things like that where it's just like, ugh, I'm just constantly uncomfortable and self-conscious now. Great, great. It sucks. It's the worst feeling, man. That's the worst thing about getting old is the subtly, like, getting fat and ugly. It's not fun. All right, so let's do Am I the Assholes, then voicemails,

then both of our interviews. We've got a lot to get to, so we'll start whipping through it. Today's Am I the Assholes brought to you by Nomad Goods. Nomad sent over a boatload of stuff for us. Everything ranging from iPad and iPhone cases to wallets and credit card holders. The iPhone charger they sent me is the most valuable thing in the world because it's one of those ones that's like a braided cable cord. So, like, it's not going to get frayed and fall apart

at the end there the most valuable thing in the world I made the mistake of leaving a bunch of fucking nomad on my desk everyone stole it all the vultures swoop in you cannot leave anything of value it's you know that's kind of crazy that it's just like here's something that I like and was planning on using that I just

left on my desk and you guys all took it what what it's on my desk what are you talking about like if I take on using that I just left on my desk and you guys all took it. What? What? It's on my desk. What are you talking about? Like if I – You just take my stuff. If I left like a hat on the desk, are you just going to take it and put it on your head? Like clothes – sometimes I'll grab a t-shirt because it's like, oh, I got to do a one-minute man and that's the sponsor and John's got some on his desk. Let me pop it on.

But there are certain things – I don't care what you say. But in general, like John's got some on his desk. Let me pop it on. But there are certain things. I don't care what you say, though. But in general, like, yeah, things, but I'm saying things like that sometimes feel a little bit communal at Barstool, but not like a wallet and an AirPod case and all those things. Like, this is expensive, nice stuff that was sent to me that you just felt like you could take for what fucking reason? Like, what else is fair game?

You're just going to take all of my things? But that's how it goes here in Barcelona. Something like Nomad is going to get scooped up real quick because they make high-quality gear that fixes all of the problems that your other stuff has. Like the iPhone cord or the phone charger cord. They were sick of cords that break and fray and rip apart. They fixed it. You're sick of a wallet that doesn't have enough slots for your credit cards. They fixed it.

Small, sleek, stylish, but still functional. They've got all sorts of high-quality leather goods that are ultra-rugged and minimalist, yet looking stylish and fashionable with long-lasting materials, all of the highest quality. All of the concepts are designed from the ground up so everything they can pass along, all of the savings. And it all started from a Kickstarter back in 2012. So they have been – they built it from the ground up, like I said,

and are creating things with all that in mind. So go to nomadgoods.com. That's N-O-M-A-D-G-O-O-D-S dot com slash KFC. Nomadgoods.com. Live the nomad life with high-quality leather from Horine Tannery in Chicago. That's all climate-neutral certified. It's all high-quality and safe. It's all high quality and safe. That's nomadgoods.com slash KFC.

Today's Am I the Asshole? Let's go. Am I the asshole if I went to an Indian wedding and I called the traditional garb a costume? Yes, you are an asshole. Am I an asshole if I said this is like a slumber party? Yes, you are an asshole. Let's see. Okay, so today's we start with a couple of these we already know ahead of time.

This one we only know the title. Am I the asshole for faking food poisoning to teach my boyfriend a lesson? Now let's place our bets going into this. Is the girlfriend the asshole or the boyfriend? teach my boyfriend a lesson. Now let's place our bets going into this. Is the girlfriend the asshole or the boyfriend? This is tough because of the girlfriend-boyfriend dynamic, but typically when someone needs to be taught a lesson, they're the asshole.

I'm going to go the opposite way and say depending on how much she committed to this, if she was faking puking and, like, making it, like, scary, like she was really sick, I think that's a little bit too far. But also, like we said earlier, you know, the snake it till you make it. You know, Costanza going to the solarium, going out to the house in the Hamptons. You got to commit. So let's see. That's exactly what I was thinking.

The further she went, the less of an asshole. All right. So my boyfriend, 26, and I, 26. Oh, no, sorry. My boyfriend, 28, and I, 26, both love to cook food and we're very good at it. We often make meals together and it's something we really bond over. However, he has serious issues with cross-contamination that drives me insane. As a result, I feel like I have to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure that he's sanitizing things properly.

It frustrates me. I feel like I have to watch him. And it frustrates him when I point out something he's done that seems unsanitary. Last Friday, we were making carnitas. And I noticed he was using the same knife and cutting board that he had used to chop up the pork to then chop up onions and radishes. I could literally see red splotches on the cutting board from where the meat had been sitting.

I pointed that out. I pointed out that whenever I need to cut both meat and produce, that I always do the produce first so that way I can use the same knife and cutting board without worrying about cross-contamination. He flipped out and said, it's not like it's chicken. I said, So what? It's still raw meat, and there's still potential for food-borne illness. He wouldn't let it go, so finally I was like,

Fine, I'll eat your tainted fucking produce, which pissed him off further. He stormed off into our bedroom, refused to finish cooking with me, yada yada yada. Without him knowing, I cut up new onions and radishes for garnishing and we ate dinner separately. The next day, we're supposed to go to his parents' place as they were hosting a congratulatory dinner because my boyfriend was getting a new job. In the morning, I faked being ill and hung out in bed watching Netflix and reading most of the day. He seemed baffled by me being, quote, sick. And I was like, I don't know. I mean, I did eat those onions and radishes you were so pressed about. He looked irritated after, but he seemed to believe I was like, I don't know. I mean, I did eat those onions and radishes you were so pressed about. He looked irritated after, but he seemed to believe I was actually sick.

When it came time to start getting ready to head out, I said I was too ill, ended up staying home. His mother messaged me later on, explaining that it was extremely rude of me to have missed the dinner and that I should have taken some Pepto-Bismol or something so that I could be there to celebrate with him. I didn't bother responding. When my boyfriend returned home that night. I could tell he was bummed. I do feel guilty about missing the dinner since it was important to him, but it was also at my wits' end trying to talk about the contamination thing

many times in the past. Yada, yada, am I the asshole? Yes, he is. You screamed out what pretty violently? So the kicker here is that, like, it's an important dinner. That's by far the most important thing. If that dinner, if it was just a regular old night, she's not the ass. I agree that missing the dinner is the worst part.

But I, now, you went nuts. You would really freak out that bad if I was using something that touched the raw meat? Kevin, I was in the hospital for a goddamn month with E. coli. I'm pretty sensitive to these things. Bro, you were seven.

Stop being such a pussy. That was like 30 years ago. But like, I still like, are you kidding me? You're going to cut a fucking, you're going to cut produce with the fucking same knife you cut raw meat with? Absolutely not. I don't even let, Kevin, I don't even let you use the same

goddamn cutting board for produce and meat. Different cutting boards. I'll tell you what I do. I'll tell you what I do. Half the time, I don't even really bother to get out a cutting board and it's just like on a paper plate. I will cut it. I do. I'll tell you what I do. Half the time, I don't even really bother to get out a cutting board, and it's just like on a paper plate. I will cut it. I will cut the meat, cut whatever,

and then I will probably take a paper towel and do one of these, like, shink, you know, just rub it up, and then I'll cut. Yeah. Yeah. Just being honest. Now, it's very rare. Huh? I said, oh, Lord Jesus, he does not know what he does.

You can't be doing this, Kevin. Here's the thing. You're going to – you know what's going to happen? Jay's going to end up in the goddamn hospital on Christmas. The doctor's going to be like, have you eaten any raw meats? And he's going to be going, no. And Kevin's going to go, yeah. Yeah, she might have eaten some contaminated meat.

Brother, if you think that anything I cook for my kids involves a cutting board and a knife and cooking, it's fucking pre-cooked chicken nuggets in the air fryer every night, bruh. There ain't no contaminating pasta, okay? But that's actually one of the funniest things. There's like a template that a lot of elementary schools and preschools use where for Mother's Day, you fill out – the kids fill out these things. And it's like I love my mom the best because she – and people say like plays whatever with me and da-da-da. And a few of the moms in our friend circle all posted. And it said like my mom is the best when she cooks me.

And like three different moms had toast as the answer so like shay shay and a few other kids all said my mom cooks me toast it's like oh great there's the we're the child neglect parents over here anyway give me credit because i do in the moment say to myself like oh fuck that that touched the meat uh but that you know that knife is like serrated or you know whatever okay whatever like serrated or you know whatever okay whatever i'm just gonna use it again but i do think of it how how far are you from the sink you just give it a quick walk oh i'm literally right next to the sink john yeah that's what i mean like yeah in the in this display you just show it to me you're looking

around like where should i possibly do something no No, it's right. Just put the water on. Okay, John. John, can I counter you for a second? You're literally standing at the toilet. Why don't you just lift the seat? I don't know. It's the same thing. It's just like, whatever. No, it's not the same thing at all because the fucking piss on the seat can't poison me. It's a super different thing.

I was like, there's a very clear rebuttal to this. I wonder if he's going say yeah yeah this the toilet doesn't cause the toilet doesn't cause you to be violently ill yeah correct but i'm gonna say i'm gonna say she would be the asshole if i think she's the asshole if she didn't miss a big dinner because I think you're kind of being, you know what? Is that the root of this? Not even that you could get sick or whatever. This is chef snobbery. That's what's going on here.

This is like we both like to cook. Yes. No, John. John, you are an E. coli pussy. Just shut up. This is about two chefs. Gotta hit those figgies. Gotta hit those figgies, baby.

This is about two people who fancy themselves to be chefs from the food world, and you gotta follow the rules, and she's the better chef because she does it. If it was just like she missed a day with the friends, I would say you're an asshole for making a big deal out of it. Because there was an important event, she's the asshole. But can I tell you who else is an asshole here? The fucking mom.

We get this a lot. We get a lot of these on Am I the Asshole where mothers are texting their in in-laws if you will even it's a boyfriend or girlfriend like playing the in-law role being like like yelling at them like as if it was their kid i don't know if that happens often in most relationships like if if i get my my girlfriend's mom coming at me we got there's problems bro like you shut the fuck up you're not my mom if i get my girlfriend's mom coming to me, I got an ex-girlfriend. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, maybe if you miss something really important. If my mom's ever going to get my girlfriend, what the hell are you talking about? Right. You go through me. Again, in Seinfeld reference, it's like you need Jerry for both Elaine and George. They can't go. know you need that that connection maybe if you miss something really important and the mom says something like oh that was you know unfortunate but to be like who do you think you are and all that shit it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa who the fuck do you think you are but

i also you know i'm divorced and all this shit, so what do I know? Maybe this is what regular relationships are. No, I think you're right here. I don't think my mom has anyone's number. I don't think my mom's ever had any of my girlfriend's numbers. She couldn't – if she wanted to, she couldn't reach out. Well, that's the problem is usually when you reach that point, it's like you are married or you are like very serious and they're just dating right yeah yeah yeah but 28 maybe they've been around for a while i don't know but i mean i get i'll get i i got text messages from my ex-mother-in-law after everything oh lord did i get text messages from them but not like during like you know in

our business or whatever like well we're still dating're still dating. Fuck that. So I'm going to throw in a little sneaky, you're also the asshole to the mom there. Fuck off. Let's go with... Yeah, the one you got. Girlfriend is mad. Girlfriend 26 is mad because I, 27 male, was on

Tinder, but she's got it all wrong. I have not read this. I'm going to venture to guess that she does's got it all wrong. I have not read this. I'm going to venture to guess that she does not have it all wrong and that this is going to be a lot of justifying why this dude is still on a dating app, but prove me wrong, brother. What do we got? It starts with so,

which means this guy's fucked. Yep. So I fucked this girl from Tinder, but Go ahead. So So I fucked this girl from Tinder, but... Go ahead. So basically my girlfriend called me on Tinder.

And I know that sounds bad, but it's all a big misunderstanding. Let me explain. I'm a UI developer, which is user... Interface? User interface, yeah. I'm a user interface developer. The company I work for designs mobile apps For other companies

And we were put on this project the other day It's a big deal And as such I wanted to make sure that the end product Was executed flawlessly I decided to do some research in my off time And made a point to download and examine The UI of every app Of every app that I could

All of the apps I wanted to see what worked and what didn't Social networks apps every app that I could. All of the apps. I wanted to see what worked and what didn't. Social networks apps, news apps, banking apps, you name it. I studied them all. And stupidly dating apps. You're starting to lose the thread here, buddy. My girlfriend

was using my phone the other day and she noticed that I had downloaded Tinder. She immediately started freaking out. When I finally got a chance to explain that it was for work, she calmed down a bit. But then she opened the app and immediately started crying because I stupidly had made a profile. I explained to her that having an account was a key component of the app, and we were contracted to develop. So, of course, I had to make a profile in order to fully evaluate the user mechanics. And it was no different than the accounts I had made

for YouTube and bank. She trusts me and knows that I'm serious about my work, so she accepted this explanation until she saw that I, stupidly again, had actually matched with women. And I told her that's an important part of the app to understand how you connect, so I had to do it. And then, again, I stupidly met them at a hotel bar and fucked them

because I had to see if the app truly looked like the person on the screen, so I had to meet them in person, and then I had to test if her pussy felt like what she described in her bio. Stupidly, I know, but I mean, come on, bro. Dude, I admit to her it looked bad, but I was truly trying to evaluate the functionality, and my interest in it was strictly professional because if this project goes right, the bonuses we get could change our lives.

I wanted every perspective I could. At this point I realized we were barreling towards a cliff and tried to avert disaster by explaining to her that before she opens my inbox she should know that the chat component is a huge part of the upcoming project. There it is.

I swear to God. Go ahead. Keep going. I swear they're going to play out everything I just said. Unreal. And you can check my messages to Facebook friends and DoorDash delivery drivers because I was just as friendly to them. She wasn't having it at this point and stormed out of my apartment. I get it looks bad. I realize now that I should have left out the dating ads for my research, but sometimes I take work too seriously for my own good. Is this salvageable?

Do you think if I showed her this post she would understand? Or is her trust broken forever? Edit. I guess it would be relevant to mention that she has trusted you in a previous relationship. Yeah, I guess it would be relevant that I cheated on her before. Part of me thinks, you know, obviously, Jesus Christ, dude, you're a clown. But this is the Snake It Till You Make It episode, I guess, because this idea, there is, let me just say this,

there's like a crack of daylight. There's like a smidge that he can work. I think it's bigger than that. Yeah. I think there's a gap. The door's open. He's got to hit the whole heart. Yeah, yeah.

But there's a hole there. Right, right. You've got to hit a heart. Like if you can show your girl that you have messaged DoorDash users and sent like sure i mean let me look at some of the other apps on my phone here that like if i could if i if you saw that i was like giving uh feedback to like my audible audiobooks app and that i sent a message to my chase banking people and uh my park mobile uh thing has me dming people for customer service and all this other shit. There is, there's some room, there's some wiggle room there to be like, look, I tested out

all of the popular apps, including using their features up to and including their messaging services. I mean. If this dude has messaged one DoorDash driver. I mean, he's fine. I have been using DoorDash for the better part of a decade, I think. I have not messaged a single person ever. I didn't know you fucking could use the messaging service there if i uh i think that's why i refrain from like having to look at my facebook messages with my friends to be like hey i use this too yeah we all went to college one time um but it is

there's some i think if you're if you are a philanderer, I think the move is to go into a UI-based field. I was just going to say this. It's not even if you're a philanderer. Yeah, no, I guess it is. If you want to sleep around, you need to change your career to anything that involves you testing out technology, and then you can forever play this card. I was just thinking that. You might maybe,

and usually those guys who are doing app development or whatever are super smart. Maybe those guys are just geniuses and they've just been fucking for years. And they're like, ha, all these fucking schmucks in the sales department

get caught cheating on all their wives and we're over here in UI just having a blast because guess what? We message everybody. We talk to every app it's pretty fucking brilliant and also i gotta say he wasn't clear with what he was talking about yes i was gonna say you need that's another thing though if you're gonna do it you need to send some messages that are like hi just just like testing this out like can you please reply or some shit like that.

I'd be like, look, honey, like that chick with the fat ass and like huge tits on Tinder. Look, all I said to her was like test, test, test, one, two, three. Like, hey, are you enjoying your experience on this app? Yes. Just for research purposes, are you enjoying this? Show them that and then you have the other ones where you're doing your dirt. It's pretty goddamn brilliant. But I always throw in the caveat with these much like everything in life what does this guy look like who what how does this guy carry himself you know because you know if if he

is like looking you know looks like fucking zuckerberg and he's like honey i was checking out the user interface of my uh of my It's like, yeah, you were. If he looks like a fucking hotshot, if he looks like Tommy Fury, who's just too good looking to be alive, by the way, then I think we can rest assured that he's smashing all these girls on Tinder. So you got to put it all together. But I'm going to say, based on this evidence, if you tell me that some of the messages were like, send me a picture of your ass or something, obviously I will change my mind. But currently speaking, I'm going to say, not the asshole. Reserve judgment.

Reserve the right to call you an asshole with a smidge more of evidence. This could go the other way. Dude, you know what? I gotta tip my cap to, and this is why I kind of lean with him as well, is he's older. I'd love to be a fly on the wall. When like, alright, you saw a Tinder.

Oh, you opened it? Alright, you saw the profile. And then it's like, oh, you saw I matched with somebody? And like, I would let that, I'd keep letting that ride. But he went, just to get into this one. Yes, that's it. Getting ahead of the story.

Control the narrative. Now, before you look at my inbox, you're going to see some things. But let me explain. There's going to be a lot of messages in there. You know, I spoke with my boss, and he told me I had to really go undercover and act like I was truly using this as the users would. So I sent him a picture of my dick because that's what the kids do.

I'm sorry, honey. It was just for work. Kind of brilliant, man. Alright, last one. This one is great. I love this one. Am I the asshole for telling my friend that he got exactly what he wanted and that he needs to stop being selfish?

I have an old college friend, Nick, 32, male. He has a fiance, Sophie, 24, female. They've been together three years, and Nick has repeatedly suggested an open relationship to which Sophie has refused until a few months ago when he said he'd only propose if she agreed to try an open relationship. By the by, before we get any further,

if you ask to be in an open relationship, you cannot put that toothpaste back in the tube. You ask that question, and you either are now in an open relationship or you are broken up. That's it. Your girl cannot say, no, let's just keep up with this monogamy thing and think that that's all good. It's actually the other way around.

Not if you ask. If you have been asked, you are either you agree and you're in an open relationship or you break up. Because that guy or girl is going to fuck somebody. So the idea that she just said no no no and then also if you're gonna hold the ring hostage you know this should just be a full-blown preemptive breakup but she agreed to get the ring and i said to him at the time that he was an ass for it and that he was just acting in his own best interest she put that in quotes i think that's gonna matter he was quote acting in his own best interest. He put that in quotes. I'm thinking that's going to matter. He was, quote, acting in his best interest. Now, Nick wanted an open relationship so he could see Anna,

a 29-year-old female, a girl he knew from college who he always had a thing for, but she was married from when he was 18 to 26, so he never had a chance until recently. He hasn't had a chance to see her yet because she had been living with her sick. Now the issue is that Nick showed up at my house last week with a suitcase, absolutely livid and asked to crash on my couch. He said,

Sophie had gone out to dinner and had sex with a male model and that she was cheating because he hadn't had the chance to see Anna. And it was unfair for her to see someone so much hotter than Anna, not that Hannah. Oh, so that, so cause she hadn't seen the chance. He hadn't seen the chance.

Okay. And that it was unfair for her to see someone so much hotter than Anna. I basically laughed at him and told him that this is exactly what's going to happen and that he was being selfish, expecting Sophie not to see anyone or to see people less attractive than her.

She's attractive, but I don't know why she's with Nick, to be honest. He went off on me for not being supportive and stormed out as he's trying to turn our friend group against me for not supporting him. I've taken a few days off to think about it, but I still can't decide. I mean, this is exactly like

be careful what you ask for. This is the biggest no-brainer. He's not the asshole. The friend. The friend is not the asshole no no yeah the guy who asked for an open relationship and then your girl go gets piped out by a hot dude that's on you bro you brought this upon your fucking self bro you know what though hot dude wouldn't bother me okay I dealt with this very recently

very recently I was talking to a friend's mom and she was talking about my friend's new boyfriend and she's dated a bunch of guys before and they're always

talking and whatever and she's dated a bunch of guys before and and they're always you know they're always talking and whatever right and and she said he's so fucking funny i love him oh and i was no i was like he's what motherfucker right fucking there yeah i'm the only guy in this life yeah like like like if she was like he's so handsome i've been like fine no problem she if she was like, he's so handsome, I'd be like, fine, no problem. If she was like, he's so smart, I'd be like, fine, no problem. That shit doesn't bother me. But when you come into my fucking territory? Now we got issues. Now we got issues. If fucking Anna or whatever the girlfriend's name is, if she'd come home and been like,

she's like, I fucked the hottest guy in the world. Good for you. Yeah. She was like, he don't have no personality. She's like, this guy had me in stitches at dinner. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Who is he? Where does he live?

If I catch my girl fucking some dude who's like kind of out of shape and like a little bit like pessimistic and angry all the time and cracks some jokes, we got fucking problems, okay? We got problems. Now it's time to knuckle up, brother. So you would rather in an open relationship or let's say you break up and like the first guy

that she fucks afterwards, you'd rather it be like a dime, a ten? I wouldn't. Rather than being a funny guy, yes. I'm not rooting for it, but if I had to pick one of the two, yeah. Because I was never the hot guy the two, yeah. Yeah, because – Because I was never the hot guy.

Right. You never – That's not your game. You didn't beat me in my game because you're hot. Yes. You've got to be funnier than me to beat me in my game. That's like – You won your game fine, good for you, but you didn't win my game.

Absolutely. That's like if you're – you play professional basketball and someone's a better hockey player than you. You're like, well, yeah, whatever. That's not my shit. Of course you're better at me than that. Come my come in my world and then you know we'll see what's up so yeah you you almost want to have and to be honest do you think you know people say like hot chicks don't aren't that good in bed because they just lay there that's like a trope you know you think that applies for and i think that's true in some they just lay there. That's like a trope, you know? You think that applies for,

and I think that's true in some cases. I think there are also plenty of hot chicks who just are like, they exude sex and they like to fuck and they're like slutty in bed and all that. Do you think that? I've had sex with a fair amount of hot women in my day. They haven't run into the dead fish one.

No, but, but, you know, I also, I subscribe to the idea of, like, ugly girl head. You know, like, an ugly chick is going to come out of blowing you looking like she, you know, fell into a fucking vat of fucking, you know what I mean? Like, when you're ugly and you've got to earn it. I can't speak to that one because I've never gotten that ugly girl. No, but I think you can understand the logic of like – I guess. But you've been the ugly guy. Have you ever been like, I got to fucking –

I'm going to go down on this chick and put on a performance to make sure. That's unnecessary. We, we've been the ugly guy. I say that because I'm in the same boat. Like don't you think that there's – You've been the ugly guy. Have you ever gone out on a date or – I know you said you've never gone on a date. But have you ever done something with a female where it's like I got to up my game.

I got to make sure I dress right. I got to make sure I go to the right place. I got to make sure I get the job done in bed because I need to make her like me. To the average amount. I've never freaked out like me. To the average amount. I've never freaked out above and beyond. Like anyone who's going out with a person, I've been concerned with my outfit and where we're going.

Yeah, right. But I've never been crazy about it. I guess I've never really proven it true one way or the other because you're right. Anytime I feel like I've seen hot girls or been with hot girls, those are girls who they're hot because they put, they put work into themselves because they want other people to think they're hot. Right.

And I think that usually applies to sex as well. You want to be, you want to be known as the hot girl. You want to be known as the girl who fucks, you know what I mean? So like that, if you're vain and narcissistic or, or,

or doing it for your, uh, perception, you'll probably want to make sure you're good in bed too. But I think there's a line there where it's like you'll do – but you're not going to do all that. You're not going to do everything in bed that some other girls would maybe have to be like, okay, I'm going to have to do this to keep him around. If I want a second – if I want him to come back in bed bed i remember there was a girl this wasn't more about uh looks it was about um whether you're dating or married and hooking up and uh it was a girl who was engaged and they were talking about when a girl puts her own finger in her ass when you're fucking and she was like you see this finger this finger has a ring on it i don't put my own finger

in my ass anymore you know it was like i'd done that like i've earned this so i think there are certain kinky behaviors that depend on where you're at in life who you are and what you look like that i think holds true but i but you're right i don't think i've ever seen it proven out it just logically makes sense to me but that that doesn't mean that it happens. Yeah. I think it's one of the – again, like, I don't know. I've done a fair amount of research on it. Yeah. I haven't run into it.

Yeah. Because also – and then so the reason I asked my original question was, do you think that applies to guys? And I think that hot guys – like, we're talking truly like hot guys fuck a lot and the more sex you have just the more you get better at it you know what i mean but but again but again logically and i don't know if it plays out we'd have to ask somebody who's good looking since we're not like you might go into it and be like i don't care if she comes i don't care if i come quickly like because i'm on to the next one if not you know but again reputation wise people who are vain and want to be known as pretty or hot

also want to be known as I can throw that dick. So I think – I don't know if it ever comes out. Think about like if you're at a carnival, Kevin. Okay. Okay, I'm at the carnival. What does it cost? A dollar to play a game? A dollar to play.

I get some tickets. Let's say three tickets for a dollar. I rip it off. I give you three tickets. Here you go. I'm playing. What am I playing? I can play that game all fucking night. I can play another game. I can play all the games in the world. I want to win that game, though. I want to go win the next game

I play. I can afford to play all the games all the times I want to, but I want to win every time. Now, the difference, though, is let me try. I want to make that bell go ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding every time. Now, the difference, though, is let me try. I want to make that bell go ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding every time. Yes, you do. But I'm thinking the rebuttal in this case would then be what if it's really hard to make the bell ring and the prize you get is like a shitty

small crappy stuffed animal not the big bear you're just not you're not going to put in the effort I'm still going to try my hardest I might quit but let's say let's say it makes you like a sweaty mess and you want to just enjoy

the rest of your time at the carnival but now you've put in so much work into the dollar game that you're like a wreck and you and even if you do win you get like this little crappy bear i think this i think this analogy holds yeah you would you would put in all the effort for the worst prize yeah i don't think you would i don't think you would it's just it's the way say i won the game i don't give a fuck about the prize yeah i don't think you would i don't think you would it's just it's the way say i won the game i don't give a fuck about the prize dude i don't care if it's a great prize i'm probably throwing it in the trash anyway well now this analogy is spiraled out of control so

either way i'm throwing this bitch in the dumpster i don't give a fuck after we're banging she's in the trash but i think you would have some pause about like how much effort you put into the, into the game. If the prize is next, I'd have pause about play game. But once I decided to play, I want to,

I just don't think that's true though, because it's like, what if the bear, the giant nice stuffed animal is over here. And right next to you is this fucking dollar game that sucks. And this one, you know, that one.

So here's what I wouldn't play that. As long as I start playing, I won't play it. That's the point. So, that's basically why ugly people don't get laid because they don't play. But what if that's why that carnival

game, even though it's a dollar, you if that carnival game, even though it's a dollar, you... If that carnival game can somehow get you the big bear, that's an ugly girl trying to really fuck you and suck your dick.

Is that somehow that carnival game can get you the big bear. I don't know if we did the greatest job of the scenario. I lost it for me it's it's it's the reason why you wouldn't go to the one dollar game is because you get it's so close to making sense in my head there's just like one little linchpin that i can't get but there's something there about fat ugly girls and and and stuffed animal bears and carnival games and how much they cost that

makes sense i promise you i'm gonna flesh it out next episode i will have a flow chart for you i'm gonna go pepe silvia on how how dating people is and fucking people is like carnival games i got this i promise you i need some need some work though uh but you know this is like carnival games i got this i promise you i need some need some work though uh but you know this is like like in this is the seinfeld episode too it's like the third time i've ever been seinfeld there are certain guys who are orgy guys you know and there are certain guys and girls who are open relationship people and you're not you don't want an open relationship. You just want to fuck Anna. And also, it sounds like he didn't check out. You know, Anna is not what she used to be,

and now you've blown up your whole relationship. It honestly sounds like if Anna was hot enough, if Anna was as hot as the male model was, I think he has no problem with it. He just doesn't want to be known as the guy in the open relationship with the uglier side piece, which is like how you definitively know you're not an open relationship guy. Open relationships are the pinnacle, the peak of sexual maturity.

They are more evolved than the rest of us where they can say, this makes you happy, then I'm happy. As long as you come back to me I won't be jealous I won't be crazy I won't be mad you'll be happy and I'm okay with that I'll do this you know that is beyond my comprehension so

you gotta be like a fucking sexual like Buddhist to be able to do this not just be Nick who wants to fuck Anna from college but I will say this for Nick because this is to be able to do this, not just be Nick who wants to fuck Anna from college. But I will say this for Nick. I've had this happen a couple of times in my life where the girl that you had a crush on

be it in high school or college and you never really sealed the deal and she got engaged and you kind of just wrote her off but then one day through a friend of a friend you hear that they got divorced that sends you zoom yeah that makes you are like you say what now well you question your whole life well when you're like i'll fucking i'll i'll quit my job. Where does she live now? I don't care.

You create this white whale in your head, and you're like, wait, it's back in the ocean? I'm on the way! But does that ever live up? When you catch that white whale, are you just like, all right, I caught it. It wasn't as good as I thought. Or does it live up to the hype? Usually it lives up. Just guessing, you know, just uh by chance i don't know hypothetically speaking i when you find out when you find out that for the first time you and your white whale

and she and you're her white whale when those two people end up single at the same time for the first time that's the greatest thing in the world because when you got that person that you always miss and they it's basically almost like just like open in the open it's like yeah well you know you were dating fucking jessica and then when you broke up i was dating tom and you know whatever uh and you basically are admitting without admitting like yeah we would have fucked by now if we were you know single at the same time and then the stars align for that holy moly I mean that's probably

what people call like love and marriage but but it's also like it can be a little disconcerting you ever seen the video of the two dogs barking each other to the fence yes and then they move the fence? Yes.

And then they move the fence and both dogs are like, oh, shit. Yes. It's kind of like that. Like, oh, I'm going to fuck your brains out. I'm just like, oh, I'm going to fucking suck the soul out of your dick. And you're going back and forth and you're both single and you're like, oh, boy. I wrote a check that I cannot cash. That's not a... But I also...

My fingers wrote a check that my I cannot cash. That's not a... My fingers wrote a check that my cock cannot cash. But I hope that those go... I feel like writing a check, a sexual check that your ass can't cash is way more dangerous for guys than girls.

Yes, absolutely. Because short of like if you said that you can like deep throat my dick and you can't, there's not much like physically. I mean I guess if you're like – I feel like your head game and like anal are two things that like if a girl promises you and then just can't or doesn't do those things, it's like, well, what the fuck? But for a guy, you don't get to do any of these things when we fucking pop off in a couple seconds you know yeah bro if i say i'll make you come i might be lying that might not happen i mean i'm gonna say something as basic as i would give you an orgasm might not be true you will climax send nope nope can't Nope. Can't promise it. Can't promise it, Kevin. But anyway, don't

go down the open relationship road unless you are fully prepared for your girl to get fucked by some other guy. And really the, like, you have to absolutely understand, if you're in a marriage where your wife

doesn't fuck you or doesn't fuck you enough so you propose to be in an open relationship that's not that's just you want to fuck other other people who aren't your wife or vice versa if you know that can't be the reason the reason has to be that you both think that monogamy isn't right and that you know polyamorous shit is the way to true happiness. If you are both not completely on that same page fully, then you are just in a relationship where everybody is cheating on each other. Which, hey, go do you. But don't tell me you're poly or some shit. Voicemail time.

Let's go to voicemails. They're brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile presents the KFC Radio voicemail hotline. This line has been open for almost 10 years now. 2012 was when we began, so next June will be the 10-year anniversary of the KFC Radio hotline. And it's the longest-running direct lifeblood of any of the shows here at Barstool. It's been tens of thousands of voicemails from all of our fans proposing the questions and coming up with M.I.D. assholes

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as they present the KFC Radio voicemail hotline now. Nick, what do we got? KFC Fights. First time, long time. I got a question for you. Elon Musk just recently released the prototype for his brand-new robot that is supposed to accomplish boring tasks. While this will not be around for a few years, I wanted to ask you guys a question. If you could have one of these robots and it could perform said boring task,

what would you have that robot do if it could only perform one single task for you for the rest of your life and you cannot switch so it could drive you around or it could go get groceries for you uh it could piggyback you around new york if you wanted to let me know what you think thanks this is a great question and i think we have to define what is like just – what did you say? Like mindless task or – I couldn't hear the word he was saying before, tasks. Mindless, what are you saying? Say it one more time.

Useless task. Simple. Simple task. Let's just say simple task. Simple. I think like if you will – I don't think piggybacking – which I wouldn't want it anyway. No.

But I don't think piggybacking falls under that. I don't think piggybacking, which I wouldn't want it anyway, but I don't think piggybacking falls into that. I don't think driving falls into that. I think it has to be within your home or office, like in a place where you – but they don't leave. So if it's in your office, it's in your office. If it's in your home, it's in your home. What I would love to do is have a robot that can go to the DMV for me. That's not fair. That's not a simple task.

That's crazy artificial intelligence. Also, no. If you want to take that, you can take it, but that's a silly task. You don't have to do that often enough. I'm only saying that right now because I've needed to go to the DMV for 18 months. Right.

Because my car is highly... This is really the last time you're going to put your TV in your life. Yeah, but I'm going to get arrested soon, so I need to get that done and i would send my robot for sure it's just like again snake it till you make it i like living on the edge every time i get in the car i'm like this is the one i'm going to jail uh so you simple task well when you have a child you you know, the whole game changes. Like if you can have someone change the diapers or...

Dude, it's so funny. I was going to say wipe my ass. Even if you don't have a child, cleaning up shit. Can I tell you something that's really funny that like one day my kids, when they are older, are going to be really mad that I like showed this. But, you know, when you got to... When your kids are getting out of diapers and they hop on the toilet and you've got to wipe for them, it's kind of hard because you get a seat that goes on top of the toilet seat, like a little booster thing for them to sit.

But that hole is pretty small, so trying to get into that is pretty tough. And I don't know if other kids do this but my kids did it it's pretty funny when they finish up they'll be like like okay dad i'm done and i come in i'm like all right i gotta wipe you and they'll fucking hop off and just go and just bend the fuck over and it's kind of weird weird, but I'm like, it was real easy. Like, thank you for that. And then it's done. So wouldn't that be funny?

Like, is that how you would do it, John? Or would you do a lean? Would you do a stand? How would your robot wipe your ass? I would do exactly like that. Like, John would hop off, land on his back, and be like, all right, here you go. Head over my feet. That poor robot.

That robot, you know what that would be? You know what that would be, John? That would be the rebellion. That would be when artificial intelligence becomes a sentient being and takes over because they were subjected to that. You disgusting fuck. It's like that. It's either wipe my ass or do my dishes.

One or the other. Title of the episode or a clip or something, wipe my ass or do my dishes, bitch. It's up to you, fucking robot. One happens a lot more often

than the other and in my mind, is a bigger pain in the ass, that's the dishes. The dishes for you. But if you want to wipe my ass, on the table as well. I was going to say, when you said bad answer for me

because of the DMV because it doesn't happen often, wipe your ass. That's like a three-time-a-year thing for you. That robot's got the most down time in the world. That robot's lazy. He's like smoking weed and shit. Yeah, my boss never needs me. I would say, I mean, let's give a real answer, but then a fun answer, too, that breaks his rules.

Because simple tasks, like we said, are just kind of chores. To me, it's folding the laundry and putting the laundry into the drawers or closets or whatever. I can put the laundry in the washer. I can move it to the dryer. But the folding and then the replacing, I actually don't even necessarily care if it's in the washer, I can move it to the dryer, but the folding and then the, and then the replacing, I actually don't even necessarily care if it's in the drawers. Like every day, every week I get the cube back from my wash and fold. And I just live out of that bag because it's all folded, pull things out, but it is nice when it's in my dressers and whatnot.

So that's what I would want him to do as far as what's something you know let's say your robot is more of like an assistant and can go out in the world but do like one thing and one thing only would it be a luxury or would it be a necessity for you? Can't tell if John's frozen or if he just became deep in thought there. No, I'm trying to close my eyes and picture. Yeah. I can't. What's something you do every day that you fucking hate

and you're like, now I don't have to do that anymore? Wake up, murder me. Murder. I want my robot to kill me. I hate. Honestly, the only thing I would do every day that I hate is wake up. I fucking loathe feeding my children. Like, if my kids are ever dead, it's because of starvation.

Their dad didn't make them food. I hate it. I think this would have been a fair answer for the first question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, that would be up there there too, is just making meals for my kids. Like, I love bath time. It's my favorite thing in the world. I'll do all the other shit for them, but making their food is just like,

ugh, do you really need another meal? They're like, Dad, we're hungry. I'm like, you just ate. I'm like, no, we didn't. That was lunch. It's now nighttime. What are you talking about, dude? But if you could go out in the world and do – what you guys do jackie what would your robot do edit your shit for you just like

do your job um i've said this before but my least favorite task that counts as a knockover it does there was nothing in it but if there was water and it would have spilled nothing spilled but it could have and you were you were not paying attention. Fine. I've said this before. Making a bed is my least... Oh, just don't do it. Just don't do it. That's... No.

If your bed is in the middle of the room, it's the easiest job in the world. If your bed is against the wall, it's impossible. I know. We've gone over this. It's not. I don't have that much room.

Yeah. So it sucks, so just don't do it. Bam. I saved your whole robot's not. I don't have that much room. Yeah. So it sucks. So just don't do it. Bam. I saved your whole robot's existence. Just don't do it. Okay. How about that one?

I guess. Why do you have to make your bed? Because it's gross. Because you know why? Self-tanner for a girl. That's changing your sheets, but making your bed is different. No, no, no. I don't need to make my bed every morning, but changing my sheets.

Self-tanner is so wacky, man. So you sit there. You got to get in here and shit, right? You got to get every inch. No? No. Because then don't you just have white eyes? I got to break it to you, Jackie.

When you come in with that self-tanner days, you got raccoon eyes. Like your knuckles get all fucked up. Do you do your ears? Do you do like your neck? What do you do? Neck. You got raccoon eyes. Like your knuckles get all fucked up. Do you do your ears? Do you do like your neck? What do you do? Neck, not ears. Do you do your face at all? Yeah.

But not your ears? Why? I don't know. Have you ever noticed my ears being pale? I'm going to fucking look at them now. Well, now I'm self-conscious. Yeah, I bet you. I'm going to take these off.

You got to do like the back of your knees. You got to get in like every single spot of your body. Yeah. I'm a big drunk self-tanner. Oh off. You got to do the back of your knees. You got to get in every single spot of your body. Yeah. I'm a big drunk self-tanner. Oh, that's got to be one of the worst things you can do, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

What about you, Nick? One robot. I'm going to let my mics off. It's okay. It's not plugged in. For me, it's the laundry. It's the same thing, putting it away. I have a bunch of clean laundry not folded on my bed right now that just moves over.

And I would ask Mike, but he's like, I have a mom, so that's my robot. Probably actually going into the deli and getting a sandwich for me. Getting your food. Because I have to wait at a 20-person line. Well, well yeah you've got weird issues with ordering food and waiting for food all sorts of shit when it comes to the food for you next voicemail what's up hey kfc fight jackie jack everybody else um okay if you had to give up access so anybody who wanted to pick up your phone and could see it, would you rather let them be able to view your photos, your text messages, your notes, or your internet history? And that's anybody, whenever they want, they can have access to it. Let's actually rank these rather than just picking one.

People get access to your phone. Pictures, text messages, notes, internet history. Go from I care the least about you seeing it to I care the most about you seeing it. Okay. Internet history, like most to least? Go what you don't care about to what you do care about. So yes, you said

I agree. No, no, wait a minute. Notes for me is... You got secrets in your notes? Notes, I keep not jokes, but things I want to talk about and I kind of put my own... It's not bad.

And you don't want people seeing it because it's like those jokes might not be funny or you don't want them stealing it no no I don't care about so you're saying you put in a note like here's a funny joke or an angle I want to take and you'd be worried

about people being like he thought that's funny that and also there's also just like some sentences like personal thoughts and stuff like some sentences like personal thoughts and stuff like that okay it is i don't care it would not be an issue if someone looked at my notes it's just it's a little more intimate than my gotcha gotcha um and then i would go two pictures one text i agree with everything except i would flip notes um i'm looking through my notes now. And a lot of it is like, here's questions I want to ask for a interview, a top five list. Here's different top fives that I want to write.

But I brought this one up the other day. And I think we did this off air. but I, this was on August 7th. I wish it had the time of night. But do you remember my suicidal caterpillar? I thought I told you because I thought you were like, that kind of makes sense. But I was thinking, how awful would it be?

Like Kevin, I just scroll down to my notes. From 2018, it's my second note ever. It just says, I wish my flight crashed. Bro, that's not even clever or memorable enough to be like, I have to write this down. That's not like, remember that time? Wait a minute.

I can't remember that time. Let me check in my notes. Yeah, remember that time I wish my flight crashed? It literally says, I wish my flight crashed. And I open it and it says, I'm not going to pretend I'm always the most chipper guy. I'm not. I'm rarely high on life and I'm often down. But yesterday was a gremlin shirt.

I don't know what that means, but this is why I don't want people reading my notes. The fact that notes is not number one on your list with shit like that? You fucking kidding me? First of all, what a pussy. I'm not the most chipper guy, but what is a gremlin shirt? A gremlin shirt. Wait, what does it say?

Life's not a gremlin shirt? No, but yesterday was a gremlin shirt. And that means a good thing, because everything was bad. So yesterday was a gremlin shirt. So yesterday was a yesterday and that means a good thing because everything was bad so yesterday was a gremlin shirt so yesterday was a good thing it was a gremlin shirt can you just just gremlin google gremlin shirt gremlin shirt google bring up anything maybe you saw someone wearing a gremlin shirt and that because i know gremlins like before midnight you know there's there's some things to gremlins but i don't know what the gremlin shirt means

my only thing my thing was the suicidal caterpillar imagine john you're a suicidal caterpillar and you i don't know go to sleep one day or whatever it is that caterpillars do and you think you're fucking dead you're fucking done and it turns out you're just in a goddamn cocoon and you're not fucking dead and then like six weeks later or whatever you metamorphosize into a fucking butterfly and here you are thinking that you were in the afterlife and it's just you basically sleeping you're you're wrapped up in darkness and then all of a sudden you're like i'm not only am I alive but I'm a fucking butterfly now. I can't just chill with my caterpillar crew.

I gotta be a fucking butterfly up here flapping my wings. Have you ever thought about how exhausting it's gotta be to be a butterfly or a bird flapping your wings all the time? Couldn't be more wrong. Kevin, if I go to sleep one day for a couple of weeks and i wake up gay and i can fly dream come true

i just assume all butterflies are gay right oh butterflies are flamboyant. They are flaming gay. Absolutely. I say, I mean, all... I come out of my fucking nap and I'm a fucking gay butterfly. Every butterfly pops out of the cocoon like, hello! Here I am! Check me out. I got spots. I got, like, you know, waves on me. I got a whole new design, a whole new decor. I used to be a fat slug, and now look at me! Hey-o! Welcome to the party! You pop out of the cocoon

June 1st. It's Pride Month, baby! And you know who, you know what? Then there's like, what are moths? Are moths just like, are they the straight? They're like, ugh, I look down on the moths. The moths are moths just like are they the straight they're like oh i look down on the moths straight butterflies who are like they're they're they're the guy in murray hill who doesn't

have a headboard and like doesn't have anything nice in their apartment butterflies show up and like this is trash like you like you like pussy and you live like this we're going to my apartment in chelsea let's. The gay butterflies, man. All girls, all cats are girls. All dogs are boys. All butterflies are gay. Those are just facts of nature, man. That's just how it goes. That's my boss always just chilling

in the closet. That's so perfect. You come out of the closet, that's your cocoon, and you're not a moth anymore. You're not straight. You're fucking gay. Or there's a guy like Pat, who's just like the worst gay guy in the world

who still lives like a moth even though he's out of the closet. You know what I mean? The most un-gay gay guy ever. Oh, by the way, my answer for that, the text is by far the worst because that's where you might have talked shit. You might have said things about everybody behind their back. You've got messages from like a year ago, two, ten years ago. Pictures can obviously be the most incriminating.

But also, if you've got shit on your phone, pictures are probably what you're most cognizant about. I've got to delete that picture of her or him, you know? So I think with pictures, if you're doing some sort of dirt, you're cognizant, like, I've got to get rid of those incriminating pictures. But text messages, you don't think, like, oh, I've got to delete what I said about my boss the other day. I've got to delete what I said about my mom the other day. So text messages are by far the worst. Last voicemail of the day is brought to you by Simply Safe. Simply Safe is the home security system that we know our boy Chad and our girl Eleanor, they set up because they didn't want the safest motherfuckers on the planet,

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Hey, what up? Can't see, fight, Nick, Jackie, the month free. Last one. Let's do it. Hey, what up? Can't see. Fight. Nick. Jackie. The rest of the crew there. Quick question for you. So you know that scene in Ratatouille when the food critic comes in and he takes the bite of the food and he gets transported back to his childhood?

I was just wondering if you guys had anything Like that Like any taste, smell, sight Anything that takes you right back to a memory For me it's always The smell of Old dry beer That puts me right back in the basement Of the house I lived in at college Yeah that's funny

This past weekend we rented a house for the wedding And in the morning I was cleaning up And there was so many wounded soldiers Half drank beers and stuff That's funny. This past weekend, we rented a house for the wedding, and in the morning, I was cleaning up, and there were so many wounded soldiers, half-drank beers and stuff. Now they're all seltzers, which are a little bit easier. But that stale beer in the morning, that smell, I'm like, I'm instantly hungover and back in the Bronx. I can smell it right now. Yeah.

That's what you can say, and I smell it. Yeah, that's a bad one. What's amazing about smell is that it does do that. Same thing with music a little bit. When you hear a song, you're like, oh, I can get transported right back to college or high school or whatever. But what's a smell or a sound or something that sends you back? He said food, didn't he? Was it food? Yeah, Ratatouille, you smelled something?

Okay, food. Food. Smell or food? What do you got? Cherise. Don't worry. On Friday Night Pints, John, everybody had a bad answer for that. Everyone had awful answers.

Kelly took butternut squash ravioli and, like, everything was so bougie. Everything was so bougie? Hi, Mom. Hang on. I'm about to eat some cherries. What's a food that would instantly transport me back to my childhood? Food I could eat. You want to ask me?

Yeah. First thing, I would say frosted beans. Frosted beans? That's a bad answer. What's all over you? Ew, gross. Ew, I might get rotten, Charisse. How about pocket supplies?

Gross, never had it in my life. I don't remember eating it. It was gross. What's the question? What food would it get me transported back to my childhood? Pineapple nuggets? What are you talking about? You're not good at this game.

That's all your kids' foods. Yeah, but it's more of a local like okay how about pineapple when your tongue went numb I ate pineapple I ate none of the pineapple for like

three days in my head I had to go to the hospital what you are alright eat the pineapple the whole pineapple

when your tongue went numb as a kid I just sat in front of the TV with a big bowl of fucking pineapple and I just like ate it and ate TV with a big bowl of fucking pineapple. And I just like ate it and ate it and ate it.

And my mouth went numb. I had to go to the doctor. And what did they say? Were they just like, kid, have you been eating nothing but pineapple for 36 hours? Dr. House cracks the case. It looks like you've had nothing but seven or eight pineapples over the last two days. There was something I wanted to say. I'll tell you what it is for me, and it wouldn't have been my answer, but today triggered it. Fucking Fig Newtons, man.

You give me a Fig Newton, and I am flying right back to my lunchbox in elementary school. You know how your lunchbox has that smell it's weird because your lunchbox smell is all of your sandwiches and snacks that all just come together and they lock up in that plastic but like i probably had different foods and snacks from you and you had different from her and everybody had different but the lunchbox smell is always the same it's very bizarre it's like if you mix all the colors up, you get brown every time. No matter how you mix them, it becomes brown. That's lunchboxes.

They get all mixed up, and they smell that same way. But I always had a couple Fig Newtons as my snack, and some people would clown me and be like, that's a bad snack. I'm like, no, motherfucker. Fig Newtons are fire. Give me some Figgies. And I'm right back in the elementary school cafeteria. I remember what I was going to say. First of all, I don't know if you heard my mom yell from the other room.

E.coli. American Chop Suey gave me E.coli. But my other answer was going to be Fluffinutter. Where does that take you? Childhood. Childhood, yeah. Fluffinutter sandwiches? Yeah, no, like anything specifically or just like back to when you were a kid, yeah.

Oh, like you said lunchboxes, I remember. Yeah, that, like anything specifically or just like back to when you were a kid, yeah. Oh, like when you said lunchboxes, I remembered. Yeah, that to me, I don't think I've ever had a Fluffernutter, but I am inclined to say that they're gross. What are you talking about? It's just melted marshmallow. Really good. Yeah, Fluffernutter and peanut butter on it

or just the marshmallow? I know, I've never had one, but it's just Fluffernutter. No, it's not just better marshmallow. I know. I don't know. But it's just fluff. No, it's not just fluff. It's better than. It's better than. Does a childhood food memory have to be good? No.

No. So you threw up on your first butternut squash first food ever. I threw up on my first butternut squash. Thanksgiving day. How old? You didn't eat well. How old was I for that one? Three months.

It was November. Oh, three months. Well, why are you giving a three-month-old butternut squash? Come on, Paul. It's good. Amazing. My favorite thing is you don't have to like food anyway. It's not a part of your mouth.

It's just a fuel. Just go eat and go away. God, you are your mother's son. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. I don unbelievable. Unbelievable. I don't taste anything. I got to school. All right, let's get into our interviews.

First up today, our first interview is Jason Biggs. It's brought to you by BetterHelp. If you need to get some mental help, but you don't want to go to a doctor's office, you don't want to sit in the waiting room, you don't want to deal with anything that comes from, oh, man, I just got myself on the screen. sit in the waiting room you don't want to deal with uh anything that comes from uh oh man i just got myself on the screen i've been like kind of sweaty so my forehead's all shiny the whole time my forehead was shiny and none of you guys told me yeah it's not me fuck come on i'm like i got

this big fat forehead that's like all fucking light damn it guys You know, I need producers who are like, you know, I need a glam team. You know these people, they come over, they touch up the makeup when we have real guests in here? The fuck were you on that one, dipshit? I'll do that. You're gonna be my glam squad? Help me out when I'm fucking shiny on my head.

We're using a different camera than what you're seeing. Oh, okay, good. Let's downplay that ugly part of me. Betterhelp.com is for if you want to get some mental help, but you don't want to go to a doctor's office. You don't want to wait in the waiting room. You don't want to deal with some maybe face-to-face awkwardness or in person. You're worried about the Delta variant.

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Get 10% off your first month of mental help on the internet. That's betterhelp.com slash KFC. 10% off today. What's the word, pal? You know, chilling, dude. Same, same. Yeah, man. You're getting that game show bag, huh?

We're doing the game show tour and i love it dude that's a dream oh dude i mean living it some people learned how to make banana bread i became a game show host that was my pandemic uh uh mode dude just a just a tad more productive than baking shitty bread is that really what happened though? Or like, do you think you would have been doing this? Was that in the works no matter what? Or did this? Yeah, I mean, it was kind of cooking,

but it is just funny how like the only jobs I've done the last year and a half were our two game shows. That's what I've done. I mean, it's like, you're literally describing Kevin's dream. Like Kevin can't wait to quit the show and go be a game show host. I think I told you this last time I was here,

when I saw you guys talking about the last game show, you, you would be an amazing game show host. Tell your agent, tell the people on your show that if they're having a new one, that I'm your guy, I need to get it out there somehow because I do feel like I can do the hosting thing.

But the main thing, Jason, that's so nice is it's like, there's no controversy. There's no drama. There's like there's no controversy there's no drama there's no you know you're just like a person that people like and you're giving away money and it's all fun and good and after doing all the shit I've done for 10 years where I'm like in the mud fighting I would love to just be like I'll read the question and you give me an answer you know not to say that

it's easy because it's definitely an art form but it is it's it seems like once you get the hang of it man what a life but yeah go ahead john sorry in the trailer there are there are some controversies you have to get over like like when you go home and some woman slammed a door in your face being like i don't even know who you are or when someone thought you were freddie prince like how many times did that happen numerous more than i care to more than i care to admit literally freddie freddie prince specifically wait hang on let me just set the scene for the people before you tell them because the new show is cash at your door where jason surprises people like rolls up on their door and is like hey you want to win this money let's do

this game show and much like a uh you know if someone facetimes you right now you're like whoa that's a little invasive i'm not answering a random facetime someone showing up at your door is like who the fuck why are you here what do you want am i you know you try and take my money but in this case he's giving away money but in in certain instances people aren't recognizing him or aren't ready so yeah go ahead one person thought you were Freddie Prinze. So yeah, I have a pretty strong ego and, and it's a good thing because it got knocked a few times for sure. That one, the Freddie Prinze Jr. one in particular was, it was amazing because she, she first blew my ego up so big. So I, I answered that.

She answers the door and immediately she sees me and starts freaking out. Maybe, maybe the most anyone has ever freaked out at me, right? I felt like fucking Paul McCartney. I was like, this is amazing. And it went on to the point where even like, I remember looking back at the camera and kind of mugging like yeah that's me right what is up and literally then she the timing was amazing and then she just stopped gathered her breath and goes Freddie Prinze and I and I was so crushed it was hilarious by the way and i'm just thinking about this now if i was pretty she thought i was freddie prince is someone that big of a freddie prince fan yeah the big like doubt like that yeah that's my thought absolutely ape shit over freddie prince

well i got the he's all that coming out so she was just she's all that good also listen not a bad uh you know you want to say that i look so much like freddie prince that you thought it was it was him i'll take that i'll take that no handsome guy yeah handsome guy and by the way not to knock freddie prince i would be surprised if someone even freaked out i was i was surprised that she was originally i thought freaking out about me that much. Because again, I've never gotten that. But dude, I got Freddie Prinze. Obviously, I got Adam Sandler a lot. I mean, that's like, that's that I get every day of my life. I got one. I got a Fred Savage. I got one. Here's one. And this was a knock. This was a knock for a couple of reasons. You ready? And it wasn't even a contestant. I was literally walking with the cameras down a block.

We were out in like deep Queens and we're walking. We're about to go up to this house. I'm just kind of talking to the camera like, all right, we're about to go up to this house right up here. You know, here's the address and blah, blah, blah. We walked past someone who was out in front of their house doing some like putting the trash away or taking the trash out or something. And she looks up at me and she just goes, you.'m like thinking oh this will be good we gotta get a camera you know like yes hello and she's like screech oh not only the guy's also dead right so like it was like a double knock like and the guy's not even alive and you think i'm him like what the fuck yeah that one that one hurt i'm not gonna lie that was a kick in the nuts

that yeah because listen when it's sandler savage prince these are legends it's it's not you but they're legends but screech dustin diamond is like the dead guy who spiraled out of control that was a rough one i You feel it, right? Look, I've had even Freddie, when the Freddie Prince happened, it's like they kind of, then they kind of recalibrate, you know, they see that,

I'm like, no. Yeah. And they're like, oh, wait, wait, American Pie. And it all sort of pieces together. This woman on the street was like, Screech, right? You are, is that, am I wrong? You're Screechch like she couldn't even

there was no sense of oh wait maybe i'm wrong she was like you're screech how cool i'm seeing screech well the the adam sandler thing is funny uh because i was that's new to me i didn't know that was a thing for you oh dude all the time time. It makes sense once you know it, right? Like, I mean. Yeah, I can see it now, but I never thought of it before. Because doing the research and due diligence as a professional journalist, aka Googling you before the interview. And future host.

Yeah, future host. I see on Google, it says people also ask. And there's three things that people also ask about Jason Biggs. And it's one is, is Jason related to Adam Sandler, which I guess, you know, makes perfect sense. How long has Jason Biggs been married and what is Jason Biggs doing now? So there you go. Yeah. If you have to ask, right.

Not a shit. Oh boy. But I think still acting, by by the way that's another one i've gotten that i got that a couple times during the game show so i'd be like in this person's house you know it'd be like a we'd be like resetting the cameras or something so it'd be like a minute break and i'm in these people's houses like a small living room in the you know wherever in the suburbs of jersey and i'm just me and these people are like i can't believe you're in my house and it was all and multiple times i got so are you are you still acting or and i'm like you fucker i'm about to give you twenty five thousand dollars you're gonna sit here and ask me if i still act how dare you people just twenty five thousand yeah

yeah a couple families won the big jackpot. Yeah. It's only three rounds too, right? That's pretty quick. Three rounds. Is it one plan per round? A couple hours, man. I'd go into these people's houses and they, you know,

obviously in COVID times, we had to be careful. Protocols needed to be followed. So we couldn't just randomly go up to a random house also you need to know if they're going to be around you know yeah like how much of it really i always wanted that with you know cash cab or these shows where you know there's a surprise is it actually i can tell you with our show yeah i can't tell you with cash cab um i think at least in the early days because we have the same producers, and I remember talking to them about that.

I think in the early days, it was random. But the more you go on, you kind of have to do a little bit of casting, right? I mean, you just have to. But for us, it was mandatory because we had to get everyone tested. But what we would do is, we would, the producers told them our work around was we told

them they were going to be taking part in a show about their homes they were very vague right we were intentionally vague just like do you guys want to be on tv or not we're going to do the show it's about your homes we don't even know where it's airing blah blah blah nine out of ten people will be like yeah sure and you know again, you know, again, we're, we're meeting families, you know, some of them had lost their jobs, you know, where they were like home homeschooling their kids. Like they were psyched to be involved in whatever they thought it was, but then they have no idea that I'm coming. They have no Freddie Prince. They have no idea Freddie Prince has shown up at their door.

They have no idea it's a game show and they have no idea that they can win $25,000. And that happened for a few families. I mean, even in the ones that didn't win the jackpot, some families won 10, 11, 12,000 bucks. Two hours before that, they were sitting around making coffee, thinking that maybe a camera crew was going to come to ask them about their living room furniture. Right. Right. It's pretty cool. Yeah. Especially that's awesome. No matter what, but especially in these times, like that could be, you know, that might be a family.

It was like, it was real money and it was really impactful for a lot of, a lot of families. And, you know, that, that was also the cool part of my job. You know, you talk about hosting and how it's its own sort of, you know, there's a lot of components to it and challenges. And one of my favorite things was getting to talk to these people. You know, obviously there's the comedy component. You're trying to improvise and make

jokes and crack jokes about what you see in their house and stuff. But then you've also like got this, you know, a dad, a father of, you know, you know, three young kids who's divorced and basically raising these kids on his own in the middle of a pandemic. And he just found out he lost his job. And you're like, you're talking to him about this. Like, you gotta like be able to really engage in a meaningful way. Right. And then, you know, and then the stakes are really high. They're like 12,000 bucks.

Just, you know, it's huge. Were you going, you said Queens, but was it all over the place or yeah so we we shot um all around the tri-state area but we were in like yeah we were up in connecticut and in uh like kind of deep we were out a lot of jersey like i grew up in suburbs bergen county like 10 miles from here um so close yet so far away, you know, like those towns. Yep. So we did a bunch of those. It was actually really cool. It was literally like I was in living rooms that and homes and with families that was literally like, how I grew up, you know? Yeah, pretty cool. We were out in Long Island a lot,

out in Long Island, which, you know, East, East New Jersey. And then, uh, uh, and a little bit in the city. Like we did, like I said, like Queens and, you know, we were in the Bronx. We did this really sweet Italian family up in the Bronx, old school Italian family. Um, those are the spots to go in New York. You go to like the meat packing or Upper East side. They're like 25 grand. Like no thing. Or I'm just not answering the door for you.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not expecting a seamless and I get a buzz at my door. I'm not answering. No fucking shot of answering that door. It's this fucking face. Can you imagine? I'm up against your people. Oh, I'm not even checking to see who it is.

I'm not getting that right. I'm not expecting someone and there's a buzz at the door. I don't care. Totally. Totally. Yeah, but it was fun. So we really got an amazing cross section of, of, of people. It was, it was fun. And as a, you know, as a New Yorker and like, you know,

it was really fun for me too. Cause there's neighborhoods that we went to that, you know, you guys live here, right? So, you know, you'll, you'll like, you hear the local news at night and you're the weatherman. It'll be like, ah, it's going to be, you know, 66 in the Bronx and 65 out in Massapequa and 62 in, you know, Pleasantville. And you're like, where the fuck is Pleasantville? I went to all those places. I finally could like put a picture to like the weatherman's names you know all of the places he talks about that's what's weird about new york too is like you if i lived on the upper east side

and i was like dating someone who's like uh you know in the west village that's like a long distance relationship oh yeah you know like i'll see you never there are parts of the city that you could drive me in that i'd be like this is my very first time here i am just as much of a tourist as you are i got no no fucking clue, but yeah. So you get to check all those boxes. It was cool. It was really, it really was. Yeah, it was, it was cool on a, on a lot of levels. Mostly just that I even had a gig at all in the pandemic. I mean, it was just like, thank God this is cool.

I get to leave the house for a few hours every day. Do you get, are you like into the game show host brotherhood yet? They're like secret meetings with all of the greats because I feel like you're in this fraternity now. That's funny. If that exists, I'm not

because I haven't heard about it. You haven't gotten your invite yet. Yeah, I definitely have not gotten my invite yet. Mike, the door doors chained shut. That's why. Did you keep up with the, I said earlier, there's no controversy in the game show world, but with Jeopardy and Mike Richards, there was,

that was as, you know, that was brutal, man. I've never wanted to be not considered for a job so much in my life. Yep. Yep. Right. You know, you know what you want to do? You want to be the second guy. You never want to replace the legend because that guy, you could be great, but you're going to get crushed no matter what. And then the guy who replaces him, everyone's just happy that they got that guy off the air.

That's the money shot. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's it. So whoever they do decide to do jeopardy after this you got to come in and clean up that after them and then you're the new guy yeah and it's not that hard you can't it's it's hard not to shine after the disaster mess that just yes right yeah exactly still doing mayim bialik is she still gonna be one of them so she's doing uh there's gonna be like a prime time a nighttime special that's like i think they're going to be one of them. So she's doing, there's going to be like a primetime, a nighttime special. That's like, I think they're going to colleges.

It's not, it's some sort of college Jeopardy. That's not just the regular college tournament. That's a primetime special. So any of those like spinoff type of non, you know, not the regular show. She's going to do.

Yes. And then they're still looking for. It's good. It's going to be LeVar Burton. Why are we wasting our time? Wasn't it? So, okay. Did's going to be LeVar Burton. Why are we wasting our time? Wasn't it? So did they not make it LeVar Burton? Do you watch consistently or no?

No. Yeah. So apparently like the diehard. You know what I watch consistently? You. My man. Yes. Let's go.

I get one minute, man, is what I watch consistently. Seriously. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. That's that. Everyone. If everyone could be like Jason, then we're good. I consistently. Seriously. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. If everyone could be like Jason, then we're good. I won't even need the game show money. We'll just keep up with one minute, man.

Well, dude, you've nailed it. You've got it down. First of all, you come at me. You give me all the info I need in a short amount of time. I feel totally up to date. It's funny. It's impassioned. I feel like there's a real opinion behind it.

But at the same time, you're allowed to make your own opinions. Lately you've been doing the ad drops, which normally I'd be like, I, that's I know for a fact that is a fucking hard thing to do. And you do it very organically, my friend. I'm very impressed. That is not easy. Like that's, that's an easy way to turn people off and you've been doing it really, really, really well. And I know you write that shit your own that's i'm telling you that's where i'm like i wish all television can be boom like that you're doing it man i did not pay jason for this

kevin's gonna be kevin is gonna be the most important news deliverer on planet earth shortly like very shortly the amount of people that, that I get my news from you. I'm like, Oh boy, that's a lot of pressure. Cause sometimes I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but, uh, I really, really appreciate that. Thank you, man. The people who do consistently watch jeopardy were saying, uh, and I once baseball season is on seven o'clock is devoted to my God awful Mets, but whatever. Uh, so i haven't been watching can you

believe it i mean it's are you a mess fan yeah i mean it's it's like i was trying to defend them all year being like come on we got a new owner and it's gonna be different and we gotta just like be somewhat positive and it's they're making it really fucking hard man with the thumbs down honestly it's like a root canal every night it's that's a good way to put it but the uh the jeopardy fan said that lavar actually was not like the best uh oh but then i also read so this just really goes deep that other the other guest hosts got like multiple days to do multiple episodes and he got like one shot so you're not even going to get to work out the kinks so some people said he didn't test well some people said he didn't get a fair shake

but the the the people on the internet who don't really watch for sure want lavar burton that seems to be so is he so are their names have names floated lately with the with after the mike richards so anyone i just i don't know about from them i just know from them the internet is lavar but i think they're just going to do another round of uh yeah of guest hosts until they figure it out because but you know it should just just pick somebody because it's not going to be that guy or girl like they're going to be the fall guy and then then so well i heard you know i heard was really good um was aaron rogers yeah yeah people did like him i mean obviously, obviously he's a little busy, but wouldn't that be amazing if Aaron Rodgers was like,

fuck it. I quit. I'm going to go do jeopardy. Right. It's a good little retirement gig if he's there for sure. But yeah, I always liked Ken Jennings. I thought he was,

you know, the former. So I don't know. Mike Richards though. Right. He has offensive tweets he he you remember bean dad john yeah yeah he has a podcast with bean dad and when bean dad got canceled you know bean dad jason no it was the dumbest thing ever on twitter he he he had

this twitter thread that was probably fake certainly, where like his four-year-old daughter said like, Daddy, I'm hungry. And he didn't feed her until she learned how to use a can opener. Yes, he gave her the can to figure out over hours. Yes. Wasn't it something crazy? Yeah, it was something obscene. And the whole internet was like, this is child abuse. Yeah, what a dick.

Turns out Kenennings does a podcast with that guy so he got like canceled by association and he he had to put out a tweet being like i know this dude i swear he's not like neglecting his daughter he's just i gotta defend the bean dad that's amazing that's his 2021 i mean that is insanity yeah it really fucking is man and that's why it's good to just like get your gig go door to door answer some yes get the money you're good to go man keep my mouth shut improvise where i need to but just stay away from anything controversial that's honestly probably the thing that's going through my head the most anytime I'm like was in those people's houses just like don't say anything stupid I'd rather it be not funny and just and just be a total dud of a joke just don't say

anything that is going to get you in any trouble I've been down that road but that's what that's where we're at man yeah that was so true yeah you got you got your taste of that and handled it well and then like never again man oh no thank you i did notice um along with all my research john saw it as well you and your wife are very uh beloved as a couple on the internet your couple's goals relationship goals uh you guys seem to be the poster children for it. There was an article posted today, I think, on people.com maybe, where it was 18 reasons you guys are couples goals. Oh, that's so funny. And it was 18 reasons. It was just 18 different ways to describe someone's in a couple.

It was like they love each other. They have children. They work through problems. It's like that's just a couple. That's just a couple. Yeah, but, you know, it comes hard for a lot of different people. It's not as easy for the rest of the world, apparently. The truth is, you know, I'll give you one reason why we're going to get divorced.

We hate each other. I mean, that's the bottom line. Shit. Yeah, the key is admitting that you hate each other and understanding that we're just going to work through it. The people are like, oh, I still love him. No, you don't. Shut up. No, you don't. Fucking liar.

Absolutely not. No, the love was gone a long time ago, guys. Now it's just about, yeah, how do you manage their existence? You know? How do you make it so that you can still live your life with this nuisance kind of hanging around in the back? How long have you been married?

Fuck, man. We've been married it'll be 14 years. 14 years. And you got what? A couple of kids. We have a, we have two boys, seven and almost four, four next month. Yeah. How many kids you have? You have two or three. I got two. I got one. Who's will be six in December and one who just turned four. So a little bit.

Yep. Same zone though. Same zone. And you're in the city, right? I'm in Westchester. I'm in Malvern and right outside the city. Okay. I couldn't,

I kids in the city is tough, man. I don't know. It's, it's, it's too expensive for me. I don't have that game show money yet, but yeah.

Yeah. Game show money. You got nineties actor money. Cause I just learned about this. Nineties actor money is the whole thing. I hit it at the right time, dude. They don't pay like that no more. Bro, so the New York Post just posted an article yesterday, I think,

that Pierce Brosnan was selling his $100 million house. Yep. And I was like, I knew Brosnan was wealthy, but I didn't think he had $100 million houses. And people were like, oh, in the 90s, I guess contracts were done differently, something like that? They were, and also, like,

you were able to break them pretty easily. For example, you might have, like, signed on to a movie and, like, signed ahead of time for a sequel, right? Like, I think I had a, just because it was sort of standard where you'd sign on to a movie and they wouldn't know if there'd be a sequel. They had no just cause it was sort of standard where you'd sign onto a movie and they wouldn't know if there'd be a sequel. They had no idea if it was going to be successful or not,

but they would say, Oh, if there's a sequel, then we have you the rights to you and we're going to pay you this much. And it was always a raise from the shitty paycheck you got for the first movie, but it was, you know,

whatever. But, but then once the movie's a hit and you come back and they're like, all right, we're going to do a sequel. And you're like, okay, well, we're going to renegotiate. We're ripping that shit up. Yeah. Went with it.

And it was all good. It was like totally the norm. And so you're like, you totally renegotiate. And I'm like that stuff. Yeah. And now, and also there was, there was backend, right? So if you were in a good enough position and and i was only because of it with the american pie films um but if you're in the position where you can get a piece

of the of the back end you know then that would be that could be a game changer but nowadays movies are all they're streaming and everything has changed right so there is no like you know that's why scarlett johansson this whole lawsuit is going to be really interesting to see how that plays out. I think that's going to like set the precedent for everything, right? I mean, that's- Yes, yes.

Or at least contracts are going to change. Regardless, she is now, you know, and all those Marvel guys and the Tom Cruises of the world, they're the last people standing in terms of movies that are going to get box office success. Even those are slowly getting chipped at.

It's also how do you negotiate for bonuses when it's just streaming on a thing? And TV shows aren't going into syndication anymore because they all just go to the streaming. So the financials are changing a lot so you know it doesn't make sense though because like because of all of those things i mean of course you still have blockbuster hits but it's not the same as a 90s blockbuster hit so like the paychecks were big because the box office was big the experience was big and as much as I love that I could just put, you know, Godzilla versus King Kong on my TV, like right away the first day. It does lack that like July 4th at the movies weekend sort of thing.

So I get it. But that's funny that they would just let you renegotiate. Like, what the fuck is the point? That'd be like if, you know, an athlete was like, I know I'm on my rookie contract, but I'm playing good. So give me more money. Screw it. We're going to renegotiate. Yeah.

Dude, I believe me. And I didn't, I didn't ask questions. I didn't invite it. They were like, so we're going to read, you know, we're going to start negotiating for the sequel. And I'm like, I thought I already kind of had that. Well, we're going to, you know, based on the numbers and where you're at. And I'm like, all right. Okie dokie. no problem i wanted to retire that's perfect yeah yeah yeah but yeah it's it is kind of funny dude they're you know like it definitely hit it at the right time they're you know yeah the late 90s early 2000s you know what i would do i know so they made studio films like i was i was like studios wanted to make movies with me as the lead guy like i was in demand now it's like i haven't stepped foot in a studio in eight years dude i

don't even like i'm like what i mean what what if i mean that must have been just like a game changer whirlwind for you though right like the when that when that first was made we were just talking to elijah wood last week talking about when he made lord of the rings and it was kind of like right yeah yeah awesome guy great great conversation and i was like you had to have known you're doing lord of the rings that's gonna be like a mega hit and he and he was saying there was no way we could have envisioned what it was gonna be but we had a pretty good idea it was gonna be a success based on the book, but something like American pie, you,

you don't have any idea that's going to become a legendary iconic cult classic coming of age. You know, like you, did you think, I'm just doing some stupid teenage comedy and like, we'll see what happens. Initially. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's that year, you know, again, speaking about the timing and just how good it was timing wise. Like I was 18, 19 and out in a pretty new to LA and literally. So guys quiet.

Fuck. Just no respect. I taught, I mean, I literally was like, I'm doing live interviews. This is how you have toys kids this is why yeah it's fucking i'm making money right now shut the fuck up um so uh i auditioned for everything dude every and that was like a resurgence of teen movies

around that time you know the teen high school comedy. Right. Especially. And I would have been psyched on any one of those. Right. Any one of those. I would have been psyched to get, but when you read the American pie script, it was like,

Oh, this is, this is an, this is playing in a different ballpark than these other movies. I'd be psyched to get any one of these right but you knew that that script was so it had already kind of set itself apart and then once because of things like because of like the pie or like the coming of the year like the the craziness of it because of the big set pieces for sure but also the relationships like it felt like i was a teenager so i you know it was me and that felt the most

like oh this is me and my friends like this feels this feels like real relationships and then you had those crazy scenes that right you're like holy shit they had the balls to write this is crazy um so yeah some degree level it kind of felt like it stood out you know and then as it was cast and we show up and we're all filming and we're all getting along and we're like, this is kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This might be kind of good. This is better than most of the shit

I'm seeing right now, right? And you kind of start, and then, yeah, and then it just kind of kept going from there. The trailer came out and it got all this buzz and you're like, oh, all right, I think this might. So by the time it had actually come out, again, it exceeded all our expectations, but we were starting to vibe

that this thing could change all of our lives. How about that? I'll say that, you know? That's pretty cool. That must be such a cool realization because I remember reading an oral history of Fast and Furious and it was Fast 1 and Vin Diesel and Paul Walker

had gone down to MTV Spring Break in Mexico to promote the movie. And they're sitting on the floor of the airport, just charging their phones or whatever, and people are stepping over them. And Vin Diesel hit Paul Walker, and he's like, yo, appreciate this, because this is the last time

we're ever going to have anonymity again. And you guys must have seen the moment when American Pie popped, where you's like, yo, appreciate this. Cause this is the last time we're ever going to have anonymity again. And like you guys must have seen one moment when, when American Pie popped, we were like, all right, we're, we are, we are completely changed forever. Oh, totally. It's so funny that story about MTV. Cause we started doing a whole bunch of press. Again, the red band trailer had kind of gotten us some, if you remember that, that had kind of gotten us,

like I would be recognized once or twice on the street from, from just from the trailer. But again, this is really, internet was not, you know, it was still in diapers. It wasn't, you know, I was still pretty anonymous. And then we started doing all these press trips, including MTV Beach House. Our year that it came out, I think Fast and Furious was a year after us. And I think our year, the MTV Beach House was, I know where it was. It was in the Bahamas. And we all went to the Bahamas and we were like just getting drunk and hanging out. And some of us were, most of us

were under 21, but you could drink at 18 in the Bahamas. So we were like getting wasted. And we were at Atlantis, I remember. And that, you know, in Atlantis, there's the like the slide that goes through the shark tank. Yes. And we like broke in and climbed up the shark tank slide. Like we were just so stupid and no one knew who the hell we were. And it was just kind of like, yeah. But I remember us all talking at that point going,

this is crazy what's starting to happen. Like this is one, I think we're maybe a couple of weeks from the movie's release. We're like, I think this is going to like, nothing's going to be the same again. Yeah. And I remember the day after the movie came out,

that Saturday morning, walking with my roommate at the time, we lived in LA, walking to go get a bagel, like two blocks away. And you know, first of all, you don't really walk in LA anyway, time we lived in la walking to go get a bagel like two blocks away and you know first of all you don't really walk in la anyway but we happen to be walking we came to a crosswalk at a stoplight and we started walking through the crosswalk and the first car in there in the in the at the red light rolls down the window and was like holy shit do the dance

do the dance and this was literally literally Saturday morning after, you know, the movie came out 12 hours earlier. And my roommate was just like, holy shit, dude. That must be so crazy. Even that, like you're the number one movie star in the world. And like, you have a roommate. Like you're living in like a two bedroom with your buddy. He's like, so drinks on you it's like i don't

know the check hasn't cleared yet man no dude seriously it was that yeah i got sag minimum fuck you you're fine yeah i i i remember like the the the red band trailer and just the buzz of like this thing with the pie became like that was almost like an internet video in a sense like a viral video like you see this thing with the pie and that and then milf man milf was like and milf and milf i mean was that um was that just like the writers of the movie yeah came up with that like hats off to that guy girl that team whoever that i mean that changed the world like lexicon forever nuts man yeah every day i go on porn and i see it i'm like yeah right dude yeah that's like some shakespeare shit they coined a whole new word man that's crazy

you know what what scene sticks out with me in that that i it still haunts me to this day because she shouldn't have done it it's when mina suvari spits the cum in the beer and then it gets drank later and i was like why would you do that yeah why would you do who does that who spits the cum in the beer and then it gets drank later. And I was like, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Who does that? Who spits it into a full beer? That's crazy. That's gross. I love that you're pissed about that. That's amazing.

20 years later, like, fuck that. Just spill bread on it. I can't tell. Are you pissed that she didn't swallow? Or are you pissed that it was a full beer? Into a full beer! You could spit it into a full beer? It was a full beer. You could spit in the full beer, but then you got to leave it there. You got to at least get rid of it. Yeah.

That, yeah. When you think about it, man, that, you know, the guy going down on the girl with the book of secrets and the common, you know, like, you know, I was like, whatever, teenage years being like, all right, that guy like came in her mouth. Holy shit. I mean, that's some heavy stuff. That's heavy stuff, too. It definitely was risque, man.

But it was real high school. I mean, this is shit that really happened. Yeah, I remember. No one was willing to show it. I saw it with my uncle. Oh. And my cousin and he took me in. And he was, I think, he was a little taken aback.

Like, oh, fuck. I just, you know know I'm not even his kid's parent and I just took over this like you know and he goes he was saying like just to be clear like the crazy stuff it wasn't even like the sex stuff it was the amount of drinking there's not that much drinking that goes on

trying to downplay that like we're not talking about the high fucking yeah we're talking about the solo cups like that's hilarious but yeah man times you know time is still going strong and still out there uh banging it out so good for you and the new game show is out now cash at your door on e you can check it out and as always we appreciate the time dude thank you guys as always for having me always fun coming on here i appreciate you and i really appreciate the kind words about one minute man it means a lot thank you it's

awesome i love it you're killing it both you guys. And I really appreciate the kind words about One Minute Man. It means a lot. Thank you. It's awesome. I love it. You're killing it. Both of you guys. Thanks so much. Thanks. Later. All right. Big shout out to Jason Biggs. I swear to God, I'm not paying these people to say nice things about One Minute Man, but they keep doing it. So I'll take it. Jason Biggs is the man. He's like, it's crazy to me to think that someone that I knew – didn't know personally but knew as an actor and in my day like an icon in a way, like a cult classic icon, like a teenage comedy, like the peak. That what? 20 years later, he's watching my shit and telling me like, oh, I watch you every day. That's just crazy to me. But that's Biggs for you because he's just like a normal dude who's on the Internet out here like all of us.

He just happens to be one of the most memorable actors of a generation and now a great game show host and an even better podcast guest. He's always the man. So shout out to Jason. Now let's get into Taylor Tomlinson, who I am wildly jealous of. Her success as a comedian is astounding. She's very funny. She's worked her way up. She did a tour with Whitney Cummings. She's made her way up into comedy royalty as she continues now to do a theater tour, selling out thousands of tickets, all well before she's 30 years old it's the the meteoric rise is nothing short of amazing and uh her interview today is brought to you by sennheiser sennheiser uh are the

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It's sound canceling. And that's all because Sennheiser focuses strictly on audio quality. When everybody else was like, we've got to have audio and video, and we're like, don't worry about the quality, we've got to worry about the price, or we've got to worry about the design, or whatever it is. Sennheiser said, fuck all that. We're just focusing on making headphones and buds that just sound good. Our speakers, our fit, our comfort, all of it is going to make sure that what you're listening to, music or podcasts or audio books, whatever, is the best listening experience possible.

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Taylor Tomlinson on KFC Radio. Let's talk to her. How are you, love? Good. Do you use new headphones or no headphones? Nah, no headphones. You can put them on if you want. No, I'm not going to be the only dweeb in headphones.

I feel like I get too hot in them, and then it's gross. But what's the point of them? Why do I need them? Yeah, we don't need them right now. We're not listening to anything. It's like sweet ears. Yeah, it's kind of disgusting, isn't it? Yeah, it's pretty gross.

Things have been good for you, huh? Yeah. I so surprised yeah no i mean it's all right i'm always surprised when things are going good for anybody so well like wow life's working all right it's an awkward it's a little bit awkward when you've been doing well in the past couple years i feel like it is because it's like hey uh your life's over but mine's peaking you know yeah yeah it is weird to have your agents calling you like covid's been great yeah maybe we don't say that we rework that a little bit it's a private line yeah it was good for me and georgia senators but like you know i mean was, if you're in entertainment and comedy and podcasts and the internet and all that, it was, you know, I always, I always try to rework it.

Like we brought entertainment to the people when they needed it at home. Like whatever. We're the hero. They're banging pots for us at seven o'clock. Move over. Now that people don't have a commute, we're here for you to listen to while you make dinner out of a can again.

Hot dogs and beans again. But your podcast is on. Every night, hot dogs, beans and dumb hypotheticals. Assholes just doing a podcast. That's what saved the pandemic. I am essential. That was it.

Essential workers, man. No, but I mean, you co-headlined with Whitney, right? Yeah, we did some outdoor shows in the fall. Yeah, Whitney and I did. We did a couple drive-ins, and then the other ones were just like, we set up some tables in a field, and it's a venue now. It turns out you could put a stage pretty much anywhere there's an open field or parking lot, and we did. It's like Coach Taylor building the field in the middle of Texas.

We'll play anywhere in the Mud Bowl. There's nothing to turn your nose up at, though. She's a monster. Winnie Cummings is a fucking monster. your nose up at though i mean that's that's uh i mean she's a she's a monster when you come he's a fucking monster yeah i feel like she she kind of like put together her like girl squad avengers crew in the middle of i always like every time i looked up she had like it was like you yeah it was like olivia munn you tim dillon yeah yeah No, I think I use – I've been on Whitney's Instagram stories as a credit now. It gets more views than a lot of shows.

Isn't that weird though? Like, I mean, I feel like you could put certain podcast appearances as a credit over like The Tonight Show or some other shit these days. Oh, fully. You know, you do a Rogan. You do something with Whitney. It's like, yeah, that's where people are gonna find you it's wild yeah i feel like the i think we were talking about it a little bit uh just about like more internet videos and you're young enough that you can do tiktok and instagram and not look like an asshole yeah you just made

the cut off like you can do tiktok if you're like really young or like really old yes that in between you're fucked ancient people do amazing on t, that in-between, you're fucked. Ancient people do amazing on TikTok. Yes. Where it's just like, I've seen old ladies just being like, this is my outfit. I know exactly who you're talking about. She's pretty fucking funny, though, too. She's great.

I love her. She's like, here's my outfit today. If you don't like it, I don't care. I kind of like your style, lady. But yeah, your grandma's. Rhea's 23, right? We have a girl here who works here, Rhea. She's 23.

And like, she gets told to like go take care of her kids. Yeah, they're like, get off, grandma. Go kill your, you're almost dead, grandma. She was like,

I'm 23. Oh my, everybody I think is my age on TikTok, I always look at their description. They're always like 23. I know. Every time I'm like,

this person's like 27, right? We can hang. They're always like 23. I know. Every time I'm like, this person's like 27, right? Because we can hang. They're always 23 and they have like 30 million followers. And I'm super embarrassed every time. I feel like you, when did you put out the Netflix special? It came out March 3rd, I believe. So literally a week before everything shut down. Wow.

Okay. And so that was your 27, you were 27 when that i was 26 because i feel like 20 27 is the quarter life crisis time you think i mean i'm probably still in it yeah well that like my my theory always was like when you you're 14 to 18 you have like a four-year run of like middle school right through uh through high school. Just getting used to your period. But then you have 18 to 22. You have another four-year period. And then you go 22 to 26, but there's no graduation.

There's no next thing. So all of a sudden you're 27, and that's when it finally sets in that this is just forever, man. Yeah, you have like childhood, sweaty, college. What the fuck am I doing? Forever after that. And that's when you're like and i remember uh yeah you had yours around then right i was 26 i think yeah where i was like and we were not as successful at that time i just had like this breakdown where i was like i was like nothing i do works this fucking

place sucks like college is a four-year funeral for your dreams, and then you just fucking die out of it. There's a whole thing. I thought it was a crisis, and it's just life. I've never come out the other side. No, that's just how it goes. This is so depressing. Welcome to KFC, Rick. When I was 27, we had the podcast, but it was much more.

We were still just writing at that point, and I wrote a blog being like, what do people do? Like, what do they, like, if you don't have a hobby or a talent, like, I was like, I just go to bars. Yeah, you don't have that. I'm like, I just go to bars. I drink. I go out to dinner. And that's it.

And I was, and I asked my friends and they were like, have you tried going to like a museum? And I was like, what the fuck is that going to do to me? I don't care. I don't want to go to a museum. And I was like, what the fuck is that going to do to me? I don't want to go to a museum. And I ended up going for a walk that night. I walked like 60 blocks. And I was just like, what am I doing? Where am I?

And that was 27 too. And I feel like that's just the age that it starts to happen. But he's right. It's not like something special. It's just life. It's not a quarter-life crisis. It's a realization of reality. And also, I'm also doing the math.

I'm like, I don't think it's a quarter. Not at this rate. Fucking hope not. I know. Well, and every, like, it's so tough because your 20s suck because, like, everyone's at different spots. Like, I have so many friends who are, like, in their relationship forever. They're like, this is my life partner, and we've been together forever, and I'm super happy. But their career isn't where they want it to be.

And so they're like, well, you have your career where it's supposed to be. And I'm like, yeah, but you have, like, a husband. Like, do you understand? So it's like the grass is always greener for everybody. And, like, my friend Katie had her second baby, and she's, like, got this beautiful marriage and this beautiful family. And I remember we went to see her after she had her first kid, and I was, like, holding this, like, week-old baby, and I remember we went to see her after she had her first kid and I was like holding

this like week old baby and I like just called off an engagement and I was just like what am I doing? And she had like the windows open and like the breeze was wafting through these curtains. Freshly baked muffins. Truly though. And she's like we're trying this non-gluten thing

and she's like I'm sitting on this inflatable donut because he ripped my vagina to shreds. And I'm just like, you are doing it. Like, she just looked like an angel. Yeah, but don't you think that she, like, watches your special or sees you on stage and is like, oh, my God. I don't, actually. That's what everybody says. Everybody's like, but they look at your life.

I think. I don't know. I don't think she does. Maybe not. Maybe not right now. And she loves her husband and she raises her kids. And she doesn't have to find content for Instagram because her kids look amazing every day and are doing some cute shit every day. Meanwhile, I'm like, ah, current events.

What can we do some crowd work about? It's a nightmare. The hustle for content is one, you know, no one's going to cry for internet comedians or content creators. But the idea of just like every day find some shit, be funny, be relatable, be observant, be cute. It's just like, no, I can't. I loved your breakdown on Instagram where you were talking about how you hated that you knew so much about TikTok. Yeah. All these children who are just like having sex with each other.

And you're like, I guess this person's over here now and they're with each other and they're like I guess this person's over here now and they're cheating on them and I hate that I know this I do I mean there was a stretch there where I was a little too tapped into TikTok

and I was like okay this is getting creepy I am old I am old I'm double the age of these kids like I could be their parent and I'm like well she's sleeping with who?

oh my god that's what's funny too I thought they just made an app out of glee. Yeah, that's all that is. They'll just fuck each other, whatever. That's what's funny, though. They're like, you know, I kissed him once.

I'm like, you're saying that because you're a child and you're not allowed to say what really happens. Right. And I can't say what really happens either. It's your sponsorship. Yeah. That's what's going to happen. I remember when you had your breakdown over that where you're like, dude, I just lay in bed at night and watch, like, teenagers dance. Yeah. That's what's going to happen. I remember when you had your breakdown over that. We were like, dude, I just lay in bed at night and watch teenagers dance. Yeah.

Like I said, I can't do this anymore. My algorithm's fucked. I just can't have it. Yeah, the algorithm, it's a look in the mirror when you see what some of these apps are recommended for you. I'm like i gotta change some things that should not be the case i've been trying to really carefully cultivate my my fyp because it's you know i just want to see like cooking and travel and like sad kids who are i relate to we're just upset you know like i don't. Yeah, I don't mind a crying video.

That's how you feel, Kelsey. I don't care who's sleeping with whoever in the hype house. I saw them both go into the master bedroom, and uh-oh, that was 20 minutes. I don't care about that, but I love it when they're just like, I am never going to get out of college debt. I'm like, no, you're not. No, you're right, girl.

You are totally right. I hope you go viral. So you make $200 a year through the creator fund. What would, I mean, I can't even imagine living in a content house like that. That's got to be a fucking nightmare.

Yeah. Even when you are young, like now, forget it. But even if I was like 18 and like about that whole scene, I still feel like living in a house like that 24-7 is fucking nuts. I mean I opted to not live in a frat house. And there aren't cameras in those. Right, right.

Oh my god. But then again, they are making like $50 million a year. So maybe it's a lot easier to do that when you're making money hand over fist. It's such little effort that they put into these. Like they do like the dances, but it's like barely. They're just like, we're making money. We're barely doing the movement. We're just hot and young, and we have 300 million followers. I know.

That's the podcast here that's thriving, BFFs, is Josh Richards, who's like – he's a smart kid. He's more like a businessman, and he's definitely like growing up. But he was like, I'm not a good dancer, but I just like, he's a smart kid. He's more like a businessman. He's definitely like growing up. But he was like, I'm not a good dancer. But I just like, he's like, he's a cute kid. He's a good looking guy. He doesn't say it, but he just smiles and like barely moves. And he knows it and admits it. And I'm always on the side of internet creators and people because we're kind of one of them.

When people are like, you know, how, they're not talented. How come they're famous? how come they're making money? And I'm always like, no, this is just the new way. But it's getting more and more difficult. Because it used to be like, no, that's a funny writer, or a funny kind of a comic, or a funny video creator, or talented editor. Now it's just like, no, that's just a girl with an ass who dances. And I can't even defend it anymore. Yeah, it is tough. And like, know tiktok is a specific skill like i have like comedian friends who will

be like you're good at tiktok how do you do it and i'm like i'm barely good at tiktok but all right and i've just this is what i tell people when they're stand-ups who don't know how to do like just regular tiktok videos that aren't them doing stand-up on stage i'm like just like do one of your tweets, but act like you're doing something else. Act like you're on your way to something and just do the video where you're like, I was just thinking about this, but I don't know.

And then just end it. Abruptly end it. Abruptly end it like you're on your way out. People love that. You're cleaning something. You're cleaning the fucking... I mean, that is the exact advice that Kevin and I have been given. And we just refuse to listen to.

Yeah. Nick has given us that advice on multiple occasions. Be snacking. I just. I can do that. I just. It's not even necessarily that I can't do. It's not the individual videos.

It's the whole. It's just the idea of doing another app. Like, we got to draw the line somewhere. I know. Because next year, there's idea of doing another app. We gotta draw the line somewhere. Because next year, there's gonna be another TikTok. And there's gonna be maybe not on that level, but we're just gonna keep adding apps. I drew it at Snapchat. That was a tough one for me.

Snapchat, I'm out. I'm not doing this anymore. But guess what? We're not as successful. Realistically, if they add four more apps in the next six, eight years, are you going to have to put up a tweet, an Instagram, a TikTok, a Snapchat, a this, a that, a that, a that, a that? I mean, I haven't seen any touring acts in comedy clubs that say,

you know I'm from Snapchat. I've seen people blow up on Instagram and TikTok and stuff, but not so much Snapchat. Snapchat? I get heckled by construction workers a lot about Snapchat. Like, you're the guy from Snapchat. You would be surprised. I mean, it happens five times, but it's still like...

I think there was a while where Snapchat was our most viewed thing. Really? Yeah. Because you don't really follow and because there's not – what's crazy about Snapchat is you can't see how many followers people have. And I think people need that. They need to be like, oh, this person has like 50 million followers.

They're like super popular. So because it's not like quantified, people don't talk about it. And because they're just using it to send like naked pictures of each other back and forth. That's what I thought. I thought it was just for teens to flirt. Yeah. Oh, it's definitely that. Yeah, that's when you

know you really... But also, we always get run up on by people running live Snapchat pictures and stuff like that. Yeah, but people take... A lot of people take pictures with their Snapchat instead of their camera. Really? Yeah. That's what I mean.'s like wow and so you don't need it but if you like the more you have let me download it so what's cooking now i mean

uh on tour yeah and back on stage and yeah we've been in clubs we it's just me i've been in clubs uh for the last you know since february i guess uh we went back into clubs like before we were vaccinated but it was still like lower capacity and spread out and whatnot and then now that people are getting vaccinated they've been full capacity and we'll see what happens but um the theater tour starts in a few weeks i'm in minneapolis on september theater tour is no fucking joke girl yeah that's a big deal yeah i'm excited those are big numbers yeah it's literally all i've ever wanted so now i'm like what what do i do this is all i asked for i have to get like new are you like soaking that in i'm trying i'm really

trying i'm because it really is like you know that that that you're so young that you probably will you know do what's next arenas and keep going but if if it were to just max out at theater tours that's like an amazing life and career you know what i mean totally and you got it at 27 you bitch you goddamn bitch but yeah it's kind of weird when you like you know i was never were you somebody who was like i'm gonna like achieve my dreams and like and then when you did you're kind of kind of like, I told myself I was going to, this was going to happen when I was 12. I'm just kind of like stumbling my way through it.

So I don't know where it, where it ends, where I want it to end, where it's going to go. It's just like, I don't know, whatever's next. Yeah. But were you like set on this? I mean, I started doing standup when I was 16 and I kind of sort of fell into it. And then like, I think around like 18 18 19 is when i was like oh i actually have to try harder like if you want to do i had somebody tell me that they were like if you don't make it it's your fault because you are good but you don't go up enough and i was like so you knew

or at least people knew that you had something by like 18 like you stood out from the the rest i guess i mean people were very nice to me i also you know knows? I'm sure a lot of people are nice to younger comics who start in their teens. Yeah, you're just describing getting groomed. And then I went back to his basement. Oh, no! Oh, I suck! I was supposed to fuck them!

I suck. Sorry, guys. There's some old guy who's like, yeah, I talked to that bitch when she was younger. I just thought we were pals! When I was Sorry, guys. There's some old guy who's like, yeah, I talked to that bitch when she was younger. I just thought we were pals. I was 16. Guys took a real interest in my stand-up. No, I was not cute, so I don't think anybody was grooming me.

Yeah, were you doing a stand-up for the Christian crowd? Yeah. Yeah, really? So you were probably fucking hilarious. I mean, I don't know. Or they were just very forgiving. It's not great. Like, I mean, look, if you do like whatever, if you're a Christian and you're clean and you go up and you're 17, like who's going to boo you?

Right. Even if you don't do well, they're like probably giving you pity chuckles. Right. And then started doing clubs and stuff when I was, like, 18. But, yeah, I mean, I think that once I really started going for it, I started setting goals. But, like, even they weren't, like, huge. Like, I just was, like, I remember the first years,

I was, like, all I want is a Conan set. It's, like, all I want. And then I got, like, Last Comic Standing and, like, a Comedy Central set. And everyone's, like, that's awesome. And I'm, like, all I want is Conan, though. I just want Conan. Like, I'm very, like, that's awesome. And I'm like, all I want is Conan, though. I just want Conan. I'm very laser-focused on stuff.

And that's how I was with the Netflix special. My manager was trying to get me other stuff and trying to get me to work on other projects. And I was like, yeah, yeah, but what did Netflix say? Because that's all I care about. Right. And they'll send me auditions for things, and they're like, it shoots September through January. And and i'm like in the middle of my theater tour like in the middle

of my dream you want me to go play somebody's friend in a sitcom like what do you think i'm doing this for like i only wanted to audition for stuff so people would come and see me do stand-up and now i'm getting to come to you yeah yeah what are we doing right so yeah i think i'm i'm a pretty like goals oriented person and i try to be like pretty focused uh but i usually only allow myself to have like one goal at a time and then i get there and i'm like okay now you get another one what do you think would be next after theater tour i mean i do have a project i'm working on right now that uh we're you know i can't really talk about it but hopefully it it happens you know how it is like when you're you're in like no i definitely don't whatever you're

about to say i have no fucking clue so you know when you're creating a tv show how it goes you can go fuck yourself but uh you've heard stories where you know you've had more successful people on your podcast yeah you've heard talk uh on the street in hushed tones. It takes forever to make anything, and you never know if it's going to get made. And I've had stuff in development over the years that didn't go, so you never want to be like, I'm doing this, and then it doesn't happen. Is it like acting, or is it more comedy stuff? Is it going to be like scripted type stuff?

No, it's more scripted. That's the next natural spot, right? Yeah. You never want to say anything. Like I remember like Whitney and I sold a pilot and during the pandemic, she like, we did her podcast and she was like, we sold a show. And I was like, can we say that? Is that okay?

Because I, you know, it didn't end up going. And I still get questions like on Instagram where like, when is that show coming out? And I'm like, no, no, no. We sold a script. Right. People don't realize like i had a development deal uh in my early 20s after i did like new faces at jfl and it was like with abc and there was a deadline article and for years people asked about it where they want that show coming out i was like no no no it was just and then you have to explain what people hear the

term development pilot like all that stuff and they think you have a TV show that's going to run for three seasons. It's like, oh, no, no, no, not even close. There's so many opportunities for rejection. Yeah, yeah. Even when you're successful, there's just a million times people can say no. The fact that like it blows my mind that Whitney Cummings is still going through that. You know what I mean? Oh, I know.

She's a fucking full-blown showrunner, like, multiple times. Huge success. And then it's like, eh, like, yeah, we'll pass on it. What? It's crazy. It's like, well, then I have no fucking shot. Oh, my gosh. Exactly. That's how I felt, too.

I was like, let's just make the show on your Instagram. Let's just do that. Yeah, for real. It's like, at this point, what do you even need? You know, there is that, though. It's like, less and less. I mean, if you're going to do like a full scale TV show, obviously. Right.

But there really are so much, so fewer barriers of entry now if you want to just like do it yourself or do like low. I mean, the shit that I shoot every day is just like a cell phone that's propped up on a fucking box sometimes, you know? Yeah. It's like you can just do it yourself. And I think especially with like younger people, they just want consistent content. I mean, it's why all those Hype House kids, like, don't have to learn how to dance and people still watch them every day.

Like, I started doing, I started hosting a podcast that should be out soon that, you know, deals with, like, celebrities and fans and stuff. And, like, the fans of, like, big TikTokers, they're like, you mean so much to me. You've been with me through so much. You've gotten me through so much. And I'm like, what? These people don't do shit? What are you talking about?

Also, this app's been out for six months. How are you this invested in? But then you meet the TikTok people, and you're like, oh, they actually do do shit. They're really engaged with their fans, and they're really nice, kind of grounded people. And you're like, what am I doing? I don't do shit. Like, they're really engaged with their fans, and they're, like, really nice, like, kind of grounded people. And you're like, what am I doing? I don't do shit, I guess. Like, you get so judgmental of it.

I do think it is about, like, I feel like they reply, and they DM back, and it's just like, this is a girl or a guy who's, like, my age, who has some fame, and also that one time said to me, like, no, no, you are really pretty, and, like, keep doing it. And it's like, that's what matters to them. them yeah they're so accessible in a way that like yeah i think younger audiences want that they want you to be accessible they want you to be there every day there is a girl her name's anna something i don't follow her she's on tiktok i'm sure you've seen

her she's a girl who does the starbucks videos okay she was not i didn't follow her i still don't i sometimes go check her page to see what she's up to because i like consistency and they tiktok just kept feeding me her videos and at first i was like you just drink starbucks okay and then after like a few months i was like what starbucks drink is yeah and now i'm like so invested i'm like how's she doing after that breakup like i just it does it's comforting And you feel like they become like your friend. When I really was like, wait a second. This is weird.

When there was a couple that like went through their divorce publicly on TikTok. I don't know their names, but they were like the couple. Was it Mike and Kat? I think probably. Yeah. They were like weeping being like, but we still love each other. And like, we love you guys. I was like, what we still love each other and we love you guys. I was like, what the fuck?

Were they both weeping? Yeah. It wasn't Mike and Kat. Mike and Kat was weeping. What did they do with the TikTok? I didn't keep up with it enough. What do you do? You motherfuckers stay together, okay?

You guys made it, all right? Fake it. It is kind of a joke, but also I think about the opening scene of Okay, you guys made it All right, like it it is like kind of a joke But also like I think about like the opening scene of wedding crashes when it's like who gets the miles there my miles Yeah, who gets the account because guess what that account is worth a lot of fucking money. Yeah If you have that's why I was just fake it like every other celebrity couples ever. I know right I mean, maybe they maybe they have an agreement like you keep the account, but you still get a percentage or something. Would that be great?

You run the account. I still just get to cash in. Can you imagine being like a lawyer in their 50s right now who has to be like, with these 22-year-old divorcees? Where they're like, okay, but he can have the account, but he only posts on Thursdays. And they're like, who wants the kid? They're like, oh, we don't care.

Dog or kid, whatever, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the account, though. Probably the government gets the kid? They're like, oh, we don't care. You have to flip a coin. Dog or kid, whatever, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the account, though. Probably the government gets the kid. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I feel like if she got the account in the couple I'm thinking of and I'm like, well, that's just, you cheated, I'm sure. That dude cheated.

If she gets the account. She was like, I'm fucking keeping this thing. Yeah, right? He was probably like, okay, yeah, yeah, you're right. See, I don't fucking care. I'm sure that dude cheated if she gets the account she was like I'm fucking keeping this thing yeah right and he was probably like okay yeah yeah you're right I'd be like

I don't fucking care I'm still keeping the account I know they were real classy about it though they like didn't tell anybody they were like we're not gonna talk

about what happened but we you know we love you guys and we're gonna separate and everybody's like tell us what happened and she's just like I'm really happy now

and you're like but tell us what happened and they'll follow every day just on the off chance that maybe she does tell you. That's so smart to not tell you so you keep checking. I would just say things like details coming soon. It's like technically a decade can be soon in the grand scheme of things. I'll tell you guys when I'm good and ready.

Not technically a lie. Talk to my TikTok lawyer. Yeah, but I mean you are – I think you are young enough. You, but I mean, you are. I think you are young enough. You're with it enough, I think. I think you're being, you know, I don't know, self-deprecating or whatever you want to call it. I did not get TikTok before the pandemic. I didn't get it at all.

I got on it because I had a guy hosting for me at a club in San Jose. His name is Joe Begley, I believe. He's on TikTok. He's doing pretty well. And he was like, you got to get on TikTok. And I was like, all right. He's on TikTok. He's doing pretty well. He was like, you've got to get on TikTok. I was like, alright. So I made one. Didn't look at it for months. Then we hired a social

media person for a little bit while the special was being promoted. They were like, you've got to do TikTok. I was like, you do TikTok. This is your TikTok now. Here's the password. They just posted all my special clips that we had available. We hit like half a million followers and i didn't even touch it and then i got into tiktok what are you doing man what are

you doing i keep everyone always tells me like like listen everything goes viral like everything you just got to go viral one time and then you get all these followers but okay then make it fucking happen it's harder now like earlier there was a gold rush. Yeah. I think the pandemic, like a lot of people got on TikTok because you had the time and then you realize how addictive it is.

Like there are nights where I'm like, what should I watch? I'm like, nothing sounds good. No movie, no TV show. I'm like,

but I want to watch something. What is it? It's like, oh, you want to sit in the bath and watch TikTok for 90 minutes. All of a sudden you're like,

it's 1130. I've been in this tub for two and a half hours. It's incredible. And nothing distracts you from the terror of imminent death than tiktok nothing else made me like forget what was going on yeah no it's a weird it is a weird like psychological thing i don't know if they like stumbled into that or if they knew when they were making the app that they were creating like a hypnosis thing. But you just...

It's the whole screen. It's so satisfying. And it comes on right away. It's just like in your face and you just go. See, I don't... That's what I don't like. I don't use TikTok. I'm a contrarian. I'm like it's too popular. Can't do it. And also... Yeah, there's one thing... Also, it's really more

just fucking disdain. I'm a puppet. Also, how do I log in? It was – I think I have two videos on my TikTok. Oh, I have more now because of the smoothie stuff. But I had two videos originally. John's brilliant idea was to chug milkshakes and protein shakes and just like let them drip all over. As I read a word of the day. And it actually worked.

That's actually a great idea. It actually worked pretty well. And then I just stopped working out. So I stopped having protein shakes. That's the only pretty well and then i just stopped working out so i stopped having protein shakes that's the only reason i stopped i just stopped exercising i'm not gonna eat a protein shake without a sweat going that's crazy when you you would be like the words were always so ridiculous yeah you know you'd be just there's protein dripping while he says an sat word it's just unbelievable that's guess what? If you and your fucking million followers

whatever you got like it, I might be back on that train. I didn't know that you stopped because you stopped working out. I don't give a fuck. Start drinking milkshakes again, man. Just make them regular milkshakes. They don't have to be protein shakes.

All right. Just drink and talk about vocabulary. Let's go. It was just, I just strictly stopped working out. That was it. If that had popped, could you imagine that

if you were like more famous and successful and rich because of that than everything you've ever done? Oh, I'd kill myself tomorrow. Hard to turn that into a live tour. I don't know. That's the fucking milkshake mustache guy. Like, give me a gun. It's a grind. I'll hit try later

it is a grind though but I mean yeah it's it's it's been pretty like fast and quick for you too though I mean

you happy? sure I don't know no one's asked me that in a while are you happy? theater tour am I supposed to be?

yeah no I am happy in theory. I think I am. What if you are? What if you are truly happy and that's just what happiness is and we have a misguided sense of happiness? I'll kill myself tomorrow. Speaking our language. Get me a gun.

We'll get the jar down. Anytime we make too dark of a joke about basically killing yourself, we put a dollar in the jar. Oh, I love that. So you might have to throw a dollar in there, too. Oh, my God. If I did that, I'd have the money for a vacation that I won't take because if I take a vacation, I'll kill myself.

Yeah, dude. I have a lot of people in my life who are good at doing that for me where something good happens and they're like, are you letting it soak in? Just feel it for a minute. And I'm like, okay. And then I like pet the good news like a hamster and I feel it and then I set it free. And then I crush it with my anxiety. I almost said set it free.

That's a fucking lie. Absolutely, I crush it. It's dead in the night. Find a new hamster. I will find something to be afraid of. Because even when something good happens, I'm like, well, I'm going to blow it. I'm going to blow this. Well, that's kind of why I was getting all existential.

It's harder when it's something tangible, like bam, you're on a theater tour and the tickets are selling. It's like, yeah, that's fucking it. So I hope I'm happy because this is where it goes, and this is where I want it to get, and I got it.

A lot of the internet shit is kind of abstract. You can have a lot of followers, but what does that really mean? It's like if you're moving thousands of tickets and people are liking your stuff, I hope you're happy because it's – Because otherwise we have to go internal. Yeah, man, nobody wants to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want yeah yeah look inside i just want to focus on external validation but if you get all of it you're like oh no right i'm robbing from within it's a bad news i know i was talking to

someone where i'm like i just i don't know if i should have added a third show in minneapolis because like what if it doesn't sell out and they were like are you really complaining are you really worrying about the fact that you are doing a third theater show in Minneapolis and I was like you're right I'll shut up yeah there's only certain people who you can say that one I know most people are gonna be like go fuck yourself I know but hey it's it's champagne problems right I'm very very grateful I'm extremely grateful any worries or fears or dissatisfaction i have is with myself and my own uh lack of belief in my own abilities like i'm i really try to work really really hard because i think i've been really really lucky in this business um like i think i'm talented but like so many people are talented yeah and uh i try to be like i think luck we were just having a conversation the other day right it's like

you gotta be talented, yes. And then I think there was a third thing that we credited, wasn't there? Hard work? I guess so. No, not that one. Fuck that. Not that one. What?

I mean, maybe it would come in third of anything. It's not second. Did you not hear my milkshake story? We are definitely not the hard work guys. I didn't even pick up those milkshakes. I sent an intern to Burger King. But the luck factor is so huge. I think people are scared to admit that.

I think people feel like it's me to admit. I got really lucky. I don't know what to tell you. It doesn't mean that you're not funny or not talented, but the right person saw your video or the right thing went viral. That's why. We were just talking and like that's why we were just talking to burt before this saying like there are we were watching milk crate video milk crate challenge videos and the people doing commentary are just regular people on their phones and they're

so fucking funny and they're not pros they're not comics they're not comedians you know they're and i'm just like that person's way funnier than i am you know and that's just a regular dude who delivers the mail or whatever and he just you know didn't a break or didn't – I mean that's where I think there's a little bit of hard work. You got to put yourself out there and you got to do it right. But you got to get lucky. You got to have a shitty childhood. You got to have the drama. You got to be in like a Christian cult for the first 20 years of your life.

There's not a lot. There's a lot not in your control. Yeah. Yeah. not in your control yeah yeah what's the uh what's like the best what's the biggest change in your life in the last like you know since netflix and since theater tour and all that oh we like sell out shows now it's great i'd never sold out a club weekend before the pandemic i remember like we're getting to a point where i'd sell out maybe like one right a weekend or like no but what so like now that you're selling tickets,

like what in your like day-to-day life outside of work is the biggest change? Is it like where you live or how you live or where you travel or where you go out or what you eat or – You shop at Whole Foods now? Yeah. I mean, look. Only organic, okay? I look at none of the prices.

I find out at the end. Like everyone else. I'm like this is – I'm also I find out at the end. Like everyone else. I'm like, I'm also finding this out for the first time. The cashier's like, why don't you shut the fuck up? I'm like, wow, avocados are that much, huh? Ring it up. Give me another one. If I'd known they were only $6 per avocado, I would have gotten more.

Yeah, no, I mean, definitely Shabba Boba's now. I definitely got a better apartment. I'm splitting time between New York and L.A. now, so I have a place here and a place in L.A. All right. And even that's, like, pretty cool. Yeah, definitely. And, you know, like, I'm a real fan. What do you like better?

Because I feel like New York and L.A. are the two places that everyone, like, it's over for these cities. The pandemic killed them both. They're both dead. Everyone has to move to middle America. And so which one do you think is better? I'll say, I mean, it's different.

They're different. I mean, I think doing the road as a comic out of New York is easier because of the time difference. So you're like gaining those three hours when you go east to west coast. That's easier. I mean, obviously, you can get up more here on stage. We know this.

I like that you can walk everywhere here. But, like, in L.A. But you also run into, like, a bunch of people with needles in their arms who are fucking. You know, yeah. There's that, too. Like, and it's New York is so up and down for me. Like, every time I'm like, this is amazing.

It's like I got to, I think it was right after I got the place here. I remember I'd been here for a week, and I was like, everything's awesome. I actually really like it here. I could probably move here full time if I wanted to. And then 10 minutes later, I found a dead cockroach in my makeup bag. And I was like, this fucking city. When I moved in, I've never moved into an apartment that had no blinds in it or curtains.

Oh yeah, BYOB on that one. What? Guess what? I'm going on a little over a year in my apartment, still no blinds or curtains. Are you serious? Yep. Just waking up every morning like, you're welcome, neighbors.

Big windows too. Really? Oh, you can see everything. You don't care. Don't give a shit. Wow. That's so impressive and also a little unnerving. In fact, I've become like a voyeur.

I'm like, I hope they're looking. You are welcome. I try to mix it up for them. I got different silk robes. Yeah, I really like, I feel like New York really just like it's amazing one minute and then it's horrific the next. It really makes you work for it. I was here for like three weeks and then I went back to LA for a week. And as soon as I landed in Burbank, I was like –

Yeah. Like I just like decompressed and I was like, I think I've been clenching every muscle in my body. It is a stressful place. We were just saying that. We had to go out to Vegas for the interview, and we were staying at a hotel. We were like, you know what? We'll get massages tomorrow. Because we were like, we have been like this for six years probably.

My shoulders have been up around my ears. It fucking hurts so bad. It's a stressful city, man. I'm in constant pain. Yeah. I don't know why. But I like to drive. So I like driving.

I grew up in California. So I'm like one of those. But also, you know, when I go to bed in New York at night, I'm not like, hope the big one doesn't hit. Yeah. I've always wondered if that is on people's minds. Oh, it's on my mind. I can tell you that. Some months are worse than others. There are certain months where I'm like, I bet it's not. It, it's on my mind. I can tell you that. Some months are worse than others.

There are certain months where I'm like, I bet it's not. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Yeah, I mean, look, I have my shoes and go bag by my bed. Are you ready? Oh, yeah, I'm ready for the big one. But, yeah, it's also one of those things where you're like, well, there's nothing you could do probably, like get under the table. Yeah, what do you do?

So you have your bag and that's it. I have my, like my keys and my stuff Short of cans and water I'm pretty good I could get somewhere on foot at least I was saying that The other day when we were hanging out Actually at that hotel

People are like oh I could never live in the northeast I have to shovel twice a year And guess what We don't get hit by earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes very rarely, mudslides. It just snows occasionally. The people who annually are like, might lose my home. It's September again, so this is home losing season. Yeah.

What? We're just on fire every year. Yeah. Forest fires. Yeah. I was in fifth grade. They're like, there's too much ash in the air today, so we're just gonna learn inside.

By the way, we fixed the forest fire problem. Did you? It's called doming. You just have a bunch of helicopters pick up a giant dome and you just dome it off. Oh, why has no one thought of that? Oh my god. I actually believe they kind of have. Hunger Games it. Yes.

Just make a fire fight it out. It's like covering a Yankee candle. Yeah. Just snuff it out, and then you're done. Breaking news tonight. KFC Radio has solved the forest fire accident. Coming to you, Greg. Why have we not thought of this?

The dome thing. It's like, well, Lisa, we just didn't think we could find a dome big enough. Yeah. Why haven't we thought of a... It's about the size of an area code. A glass container the size of an area code. Are any animals getting stuck in there? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. All the lives inside are dead. No doubt. Every human and every child, everybody's dead. But the fire will stop. Remember that guy from high school who moved to the forest to forage for truffles? Remember the guy... Nicolas Cage's character in Pig is based on? He's gone.

That guy's gone. If you were jealous of him, he's gone. Also, if you like venison, we have a spot for you. We got a lot of that. Which city is more expensive? I think New York. Yeah, motherfucker. I'm just waiting for somebody to tell me that it's more expensive.

I used to try to be like's more. I mean, God, I don't think, yeah, I use, I used to try to be like, well, you know, you can walk.

It's probably the same, right? And everyone's like, no, no, no. LA is definitely cheaper. And everyone has a car there and like,

you can't have a car. And I don't know. I'm very proud of myself when I, I came here on the subway alone and that doesn't happen very much. Cause it scares me. Yeah. Um, not like in a dangerous way, just in like, I will get lost.

I don't know where I'm going. Like when my boyfriend gives me directions on the subway, he like writes them down like I'm a child. He's like, I texted them to you. It's this stop. That's five stops from where we are. Count them on your finger. He's like, now where are you going to get off?

I'm like, 28. That's right. Go get them, scamp. And I'm like, but how do I get back? He's like, literally exactly where are you going to get off? I'm like, 28. He's like, that's right. Go get them, scam. And I'm like, but how do I get back? He's like, literally exactly where you came in. Just reverse. You just retrace your steps, buddy. Were you on a podcast?

I think I was looking at Kelsey Cook's Instagram. It was three other girls with Whitney explaining taxes to you. Oh, no, no, no, no. You're thinking of Annie Letterman. Was she? It was like three girls I recognized. So maybe it wasn't you. Yeah, it was Esther Povitsky and Annie Letterman.

No, no, no. I know what you're talking about. But this was – Oh, this is something else. It was like a – I think she was like – it was like a podcast appearance, I want to say. And I thought you were on it where she was talking about just double everything, double the cost of everything what she did ours a long time ago yeah it was it was old yeah i used to do the self-helpless podcast with delaney fisher and kelsey cook yes i think that was it yeah i stopped doing it because i was just like had too much going on but

they still do it and they're so great and whitney did our podcast during the pandemic so that might be she was her right yes and she was like just So that might be what you're talking about. It was on Zoom, right? Yes. And she was like, just double the price of everything you're going to buy because that's basically what taxes is. And it was how she stopped spending too much money, basically. But she was like, if a sweater is $50, just pretend it's $100. And if the coffee is $4, it's actually $8. I don't like this advice at all. And all three of you guys were like you were all nodding like okay okay

and I was like oh but that is that's dreary. That'll ruin your goddamn life. Well if it'll help this is how I do it. When I make money I just pretend like I made half of it. Yeah you just cut it in half right away. So it's the same thing. I don't do that either. I don't like any of this.

You're just like yeah it's not that much because you're like well 30% is going to go to all my various reps and then there's like another 30% for taxes so you're like actually I'll make like any of this. You're just like, yeah, it's not that much. Because you're like, well, 30% is going to go to all my various reps. And then there's like another 30% for taxes. So you're like, actually, I'll make like 40%. That's brutal. This is a bummer. And now I'm saying it out loud. In my head, it seems more responsible.

I hope I forget all of this by the end of the day. I feel like the reps are an interesting thing, too. Because as technology gets better and things change, it's like, do I need all of you people? Like agent, manager, publicist. I'm like, don't you all kind of do the same fucking thing and do I even need that anymore? And you all get a fucking 10%? Like what? Here's what I've realized.

And I have such a great team of like my manager and my agents like truly I think they're amazing but there's all these extra people that you also need and it is interesting because your manager or your agent used to do all those things yes and then you get to a certain point where you're like doing enough things as I'm sure you guys know they're like well also we we need someone to do this specific thing for you and you're like but you guys do that they're like

yeah but we don't want to anymore yeah that's all it is we tried to get you to a point where we didn't have to do it anymore and now you make enough money where you could give some of it to someone

who only does that and so you're kind of paying all these people like a lot of money to do you know what again I think I could have done it

like I'll just make up an email address yes and email people I will just send up an email address and email people. I will just send the club a DM and then that's it. Right? Like, I didn't feel like I could do this. And like, especially with like social media help. I mean, I think that's like a good investment if you find good people, like the people I have that help me with my social media are helpful.

But I still do a lot of it. It's not like they just, I know some people just don't even touch their socials just but which is the dream do they work does it work like i feel like you can usually tell people who job it out and people who actually like use it and i feel like if you use it you get more engagement you get more followers and yeah you know if it's just clips of your stand-up and just like that kind of shit it's like oh yeah you have like a kid running this page versus like oh that's her that's him they're like making you know what i mean so that's if there's one thing i think you shouldn't like job out it's probably that it's probably the one you want

to job out the most but right i mean my facebook i don't look at oh i don't have a facebook login yeah they're like can we post this on facebook they were like asking me for facebook post approval this morning and i was like you wait do you guys use our Facebook a lot? All the time. Yeah. All the time. Wait, like as us? Yeah, you guys have pages.

They'll be like, oh, that one minute man went viral on Facebook. I'm like, good. Whatever, bro. I don't fucking even care. It's like, great. I reached all the ads. I didn't even know. I didn't even know I had a Facebook page.

Yep. Yeah, that's exactly what I do. And I'm like these links. I didn't even know. I didn't even know I had a Facebook page. Yep. Yeah, that's exactly what I do. And I'm like, great. There's apparently a lot of money to be had on Facebook. Nick's definitely cutting this all out. So what's the next topic? He's going to cut this out and just not tell us he cut it and we'll never know? I think about that all the time, too.

I think he cuts so many things out of the podcast and not tell us. I just would never know. Do you watch yourself? He's going to do that, too. Like on podcasts? Yeah, do you listen to your – Do I out of the podcast and not tell us i just would never know i do you ever do you watch yourself he's gonna do that too like on podcasts yeah do you listen to the podcast well you you're you're doing guest appearances i guess but like if you know it's like or like do you do you listen back to your sets yeah i do when i'm writing or if i'm like tight i don't as much as i should do you cringe like does that kill you oh it's a nightmare the worst right yeah i get that vibe from you that you would hate that also.

I hate it. I can't look at it. We put out clips of ourselves and promotional shit, and I'm just like, oh, my God. Oh, it's so hard. I did Seth Meyers last night, and I was like, can you guys just watch it and tell me how it was? Because I don't remember. You were there. I'm like, I know, but I wasn't, though.

In and out. I was floating above my body, hoping I was doing a good job. I don't remember anything I say. out. I was, like, floating above my body, hoping I was doing a good job. Yeah. And, yeah. I don't remember anything I say. No. Like, what was your favorite part of the show? Like, so we'll make a clip of it. I'm like, I have no clue what I just said.

Yeah. Like, we just finished it, and I have no idea what I said. Yeah. It's like some sort of podcast amnesia. I remember we all laughed. Yeah. We do that part. Right. The part that was good, that one.

The part that was good, the part that I was like, that would be a great clip. But then you didn't say it out loud. And you're like, damn it. Find it, whatever you want. God, we must be the worst. And this is why you have people, right? Yeah, exactly. That's why there's 14 people in this room.

Well, congratulations on everything. It's incredible to watch it happen. Thank you so much. I feel like Arenas is next then, right? I mean, you know, don't put that expectation on me. Because now if I don't make it to arenas, I'm going to be like, I'm going to come back next year and make some new arenas. What's great is that you're so young that it's like, I don't know,

most people aren't doing arenas until they're like 50. Right. I mean, look, I don't feel strongly about doing arenas. I'm not someone who's like, I gotta get into an arena. The way you are about theaters, you're not that way about arenas. I always wanted to be in theaters. If I can just be like Brian Regan, like what he does.

There's something about arenas too that's like it's very cool when I saw Bill Burr do Madison Square Garden and I was like, this is fucking nuts because he has the control of like 17,000 people. But also comedy. I think theaters is the perfect blend of small enough that it's still funny, big enough that you're making a ton of money. And arenas is kind of like I think where it bastardizes or like sells out or whatever.

You know what I mean? So even if arenas didn't happen, I don't think that's crazy. But at your pace, like they they're gonna have to come up with something bigger than fucking arenas yeah maybe a dome full of yeah there we go we'll provide the dome all right um all right so we've got the core life uh crisis special and the deal with the tour yes so netflix for the special and uh t-tom comedy.com t-tom comedy.com thank you love appreciate it thank you

thank you Thank you. Thank you.