Upstream - Episode 11: Moonraker

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Welcome to Moonraker, the movie in which James Bond goes to space and there's an actual laser fight up there between a crew of nothing but 10/10 hunks and the United States Marines. We also advance our Unified Bond Theory of the Moore years: This is primarily a series of films about boats, and some other shit also just happens to occur.   Support the show by heading down to our reasonably-priced patreon for BONUS EPISODES! https://patreon.com/killjamesbond   *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond This post dedicated to Corinne Dufour, who sadly never learned to read. 

You have arrived at a propitious moment, coincident with your country's one indisputable contribution to Western civilization. Afternoon tea. May I press you to Kill James Bond. I am Alice Kool-Dalk Ellie, joining me, Abigail Thorn and Devon. How's it going? How you doing? Hey! How you doing? I am truly excited for this episode because we have hit a momentous occasion, not just afternoon tea, but with the recording and posting of our 21st episode, we have officially passed the Mike Dictor threshold for collapsing podcasts. Incidentally, I am going to need both of you to re-interview for your own jobs.

I'm going to be honest with you, this comes out a week after we record it. I'm just going to go radio silent for the whole thing. There's no way we can fall apart. Nice. We're watching MoonRaker. Oh, boy. It's the one where James Bond goes to space. Okay. So, listeners, last time SpyHoliveMe was good, and so the creators of MoonRaker

have said, all right, we're going to take the person who was responsible for the good bits of Spy Who Love Me, and you're going to do MoonRaker, but also to help you, we have hired this baboon. He's laughing on the keys with his giant hands. You're not allowed to stop him and you can't fight him. So have fun with this. We're going to do a good movie. What they did is they went, yeah, remember everything that worked in that last movie?

Just fucking do it again. Or if like gone through a thessaurus and changed every word. Absolutely. The bond kaleidoscope has collapsed to the point where this movie is refracting the previous movie. Yes. In fact, it even starts ripping off itself because we get duplicates of scenes

to get multiple boat chases. Yes. This movie is the flat circle. This movie is like approaching the black hole in Interstellar. That circle, this movie is like approaching the black hole in Interstellar. In absolutely any reasonable franchise, why don't we send him to space, would be left out of the room and slash or just such an unforgivable shark jump moment that it would never come back.

The shaking hands mean between James Bond and Jason Voorhees. This is about halfway through the Bond movies. They made another entire tale after this. We're at the midpoint of what we can call classic kill James Bond, where we actually watch Bond movies. And he's going to space. He's going to maintain continuity and from this point onwards It will get to my favorite tweet about James Bond, which is Bond you will maintain continuity. No, I was a sea captain in World War 2 and I've been to space It's 2020 and I'm still approximately 45 This is this is the character that we're doing a podcast about. This fucking guy. So James Bond.

James Bond. You've never heard of this James Bond guy. We got to start with another refracted Bond thing, because this is now by Mike Hunt, the third Bond movie that starts with the cold open of the superpowers, get some shit stolen off of them, right? Yeah, because this is just the fucking, the nuclear bomb, 15, they're all blurring into one.

Four movies, Thunderball, it was nuclear bombs. You only lived twice, it was spacecraft. And then there was another one that I'm not thinking of right now, but the last one was submarines. Was submarines? Yes, was the spy who loved me. So yeah, this is the fucking the fourth Bond movie which opens with the superpowers and Britain for some reason who is tagging along. A victims of a theft, right? We see the Space Shuttle moon raker, totally normal and effortless Space Shuttle attached to the back of like 747, which

is being flown by the RAF for some reason, and two guys in leather jackets, break into the space shuttle from which they had been hiding aboard, start the engines of the space shuttle, launch it from the back of the 747 destroy the plane and Question mark presumably they land it space putting it with fuel in I love that they have a big emergency button on the like cockpit that's like hey somebody started the engines on the space shuttle You're transporting we had to put this warning light in, especially. All right, so they steal the moon raker, the space shuttle, right? And we cut to M in his office doing his usual, my god thing.

I wrote, Bernadilly looking, looking at older shit. Oh my god. Bernadilly is not the only one. No, no, no. That's true. Yes, 007. Where is he? And 007 is in his turtle neck outfit, which I have in the description. Turtle neck, not.

No, man, does not look good. No, my man looks old as a child. Roger Moore looks about 90 years old and we see him. Unless there's nothing wrong with looking old, like aging as part of living, that's fine. Sure, but like he's playing a 45 year old man. Just like a dress set in the film, like, and also the women are not getting older and it just, yes. Oh, he's playing a 45 year old man who was like a sea captain in World War II.

And he is on a small plane, like putting the moves on a woman. And then she immediately pulls a gun on him and is like, okay, we're gonna kill you now. We're gonna throw you out of a plane because we know that this is like almost worked on you before and like second or third times the shot. By this point, we are like in total like

collapse of the Bond movies, where we're just like pulling scenes out of like previous movies, wholesale. So, she pulls the gun on him. We see the pilot come back wearing a parachute and this guy's fit incredible wearing a stash alert for this guy wearing a leather skydiving helmet like EVX or shades handle one of the stars. Just perfect, perfect fit. My man is about to shoot some porn. Oh, yeah, it's fake jet. And he is coming back there to slap bonds tits. But no, he forces bond out of the plane and parachutes out himself. Don't know what the like go he was having sex with

this doing. I guess he's just like riding that one down to the forest for. He goes to throw Bond out and gets thrown out himself, but it's fine because he has the parachute. Bond looks down at him and goes like, oh, fucking idiot. And is immediately ambushed by the third person who is in that plane. It's just, just, just when he was riding, given that he's seven feet tall, but whatever. He pushes a bone out of a plane. Actually, he makes a mistake and accidentally pushes a very obvious stunt double out of a plane, but whatever. We'll get to very obvious stunt doubles for this scene. Oh, yeah.

Because now we get a skydiving chase. We get Bond trying to catch up with Pornostash Pylot and take his parachute. Yeah. And then having done so in a very sort of flappy terminal descent speed like fight scene, then Jaws chase his after Bond also and they fight for the sole parachutes. It's genuinely quite a good scene apart a puff. A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff?

A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff?

A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff?

A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? A puff? skydiving section. That's true. They really struggled this one. It took about five weeks to film. They have to do 88 jumps because they could only get like a couple of seconds of actual filming after jumping out of a plane getting into the kitchen. Does that mean that if Richard Keele did all of them, he's like a master parachute test by virtue of this one movie. How are you? I mean, Richard Keel, the world's quite clearly not the man. It's not that. Richard Keel has not jumped out of a plane. The whole thing was shot like in freefall except for, and I'm quoting here, a few brief closeups. And all of those were of the face of Richard Keel,

because the guy that was playing him was just a normal looking man who is like silver teeth. And it is, if you like go frame by frame and look at this guy, it's incredible. He's a normal sized man as well. Yeah, a meagable sized man. Just some dude. Bond takes the parachute fights jaws off and jaws lands in a big circus tent. And the subtitles say circus music playing and then we get the opening titles. The opening titles are weirdly circus themed.

Yeah, no, it's the fact that there is nothing circus-related happens past that point in the movie. No. No, at all. I guess zero gravity, like people like doing high-wise influences, this isn't really mad at these things. These are just things. It's not a good theme song. Not a good theme song. Not good.

I don't even remember a moon. I watched it in a radio. He's the moon. The don't even remember a moon. I watched it to make a... He's the moon, the moon. He's the very pink moon. Like, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I'm sorry. Just do goldfinker over again, you know?

You're gonna have to try hard to then that to follow up. Nobody does it better. Yeah. They kind of seem like they're going for a barber Ella thing rather than a Star Wars thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They kind of seem like they're going for a barber all of thing rather than a star wars thing Anyway, uh, fucking

Bond goes to see em money penny also looking old as shit M's like 007 the fucking shot was gone. Just fuck go get about. Oh, did you want some dialogue? Do you want some unedited dialogue on this scene? moon raker What do you know about Moon Raker? Moon Raker? Moon Raker? Moon Raker. This feels... And it's another one of these fucking scenes where I was just like,

so double-edged seven, what's the deal with this movie? It's called Moon Raker. Like, if you ever heard of Moon Raker, Moon Raker? Moon Raker. And this feels, this whole, like the whole first 20 minutes of this movie I would say feels so perfunctory.

Like, it's like by this point, they've derived the formula for Bond movie. And so it's like, yeah, it goes to season, and then you just fucking shit, really, isn't it? And then it goes and like, yeah, so he gets a gadget off of Q that's going to be useful later. And the gadget is a cue that's gonna be useful later. And the gadget is a psycho. The gadget is a thing. He gets like an assassin's creed, wrist mounted,

dark gun. So whenever he like flexes his wrist, he like fires a cyanide dart. Now listen closely, Douglas, seven. What do you know about the Templars? Whatever you do, don't jack off while wearing this. You're going to just retrieve the apple of Eden. Well, so this, this, they send him off, because this doesn't make any fucking sense, right?

Because, okay, listen, so let's say that the space shuttle has been stolen, right? What would you start with? You say, well, okay, let's look at the list of the flight crew and see who's on it. Maybe there's somebody who's suspicious. Maybe we'll look at the CCTV. Maybe it looks like, see if we can check on radar where it fucking landed or if anyone saw it because it's pretty big and distinctive. But no, instead this, uh, 007, this face shuttle was built by Drax Industries in California. So go to where it was built. Hmm, he seems weird and foreign. What why, why would you, it's like 007, this computer's been stolen. It's got some vital information on it, so you're going to have to go and see Bill Gates,

the man who invented Microsoft, and why am I doing this? So many scene transitions are just so-and-looking up Bond to be like, Bond, it's time to go to next location. And Bond goes right over to, and then he's in the picture. It's like, should you meet the villain of the film? Bond goes to California, and so Bond goes to California. You have to actually meet the film. Bond goes to California and so Bond goes to California. You have no actually meet the villain. Bond goes to California where he is met by a sexy helicopter pilot named

fucking something do for. Just before. Yeah, Willem DeFoe. He's met by a sexy sexy French helicopter pilot, who willem DeFoe. God, that'd be hot. And she flies him over the facility, which is like very sort of, sort of thunderbirds level, like miniatures. And then flies him over that to a French chateau, which Hugo Drax, the owner of Drax Enterprises, has had imported brick by brick from from France and he has like manicured grounds around it. The newvo rich. I love doing this kind of

shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it looks like if you've ever seen the movie Queen of Versailles, very similar effect, except there's actually a France. So yeah, we fly over some like, women doing calisthenics on a lawn, which is like, and Bond is like, ambiently horny at them from a passing helicopter, which is very impressive to me. It's like drive by, yeah. He's such a fucking danger. I don't know. They've only tits down there, he's going past it, like 300 by. Yeah. He's such a fucking danger. I don't know.

There's only tips down there. He's going past it like 300 miles an hour. He's like leaning out the helicopter going, oh yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We've tactically inserted this pervert by helicopter to look at you from above.

It's like a bullet! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And we get to see our boy join us. Oh, it's on it. And we get, we get to see our boy join me, Mr. Chapo, for afternoon tea. It's if you Michael Lombo. Michael Lombo.

Want to get an understanding of the character of Hugo Drax. If this was made in like 2014, he'd have been played by Peter Dinklage. Yes. That's the character. Yeah. They started casting with the goatee and worked outwards. Absolutely. I mean, I've said this, I've made this show before, but like goatees.

I mean, can you imagine having one of those? You're right, he does kind of look like Peter Dinklage, but like you've clicked to him in the top right hand corner, it has dragged him up. This was before they were casting little people as actual actors instead of this. That's true. Instead of like, It's a bastard. A bastard. A bastard. Yes.

Nicknack Tabasco. So he like, he kind of like gives Bond the brush off and he's like well, I couldn't possibly know anything about this and also May I press you to a cucumber sandwich? Which is just just a fantastic line all of his lines are great because they're really like overwritten There's a bit there's a bit later where Michael Lundstale cannot help himself but laugh delivering one of these like yes I noted that I'll give you I'll give you the drop now right you you Hear him just catch it James Bond You appear with the tedious

Inhibitability of an unloved season You appear with the tedious inability of an unloved season Did you get a better take. No, we're keeping that one. We're putting that one in. Someone's just like making faces that I'm as he's doing. You appear with a tedious inevitably. Every line is like that.

Yes. It does look like it's kind of a dude. He pulls it off, but yeah, the vibe is he uses a lot of like four and five syllable words. This man is like playing mental scrabble against James Bond. I mean, it's everything except we are introduced to him playing chess because I mean the only reason is that is because we already did it with Cronstein like we're introducing him like playing classical piano in front of some sexy ladies. Oh, I love his sexy ladies He has a different pair of aristocratic sexy ladies every scene. He like introduces them like this is the countess of such and such and I I loved rax's molecule so much man

The first one of them he introduces is a last-called Lady Victoria Devon. And I just want to say, you've already got my surname, please, just DM me. You can work this out. Yeah, absolutely. In order to be surrounded, in order to be around Hugo Drax, you must be an absolute 10 out of 10 smoke show dime piece. This is not actually true in the in the text of the movie. Yeah, you can also just be an Asian man. He's the only super power Bond villains have, employing an Asian man. Got an henchman named Char who is again just a fucking refraction of odd. He's literally just a guy.

He's a guy in a kimono. That's his whole deal. He's wearing a kimono. In every scene, he's gone into Hannah Japanese. Every scene this guy's in, he's wearing a fucking kimono and he shows up later on to try to sleep on with a fucking kendo sword yes yes whole scene as a whole scene where he's fighting bond with a kendo stick and every time he does anything he just goes Ah! My man is Japanese. It's so...

Oh, we see Drex's dogs too. He's got these two big hunting hounds, which is cool, and he feeds them some meat. And he's like, yeah, no, my sexy helicopter pilot will take you around. Go ask questions and stuff, and find out whatever you want. And then as Bond is leaving, we get the classic kill him. He goes to the char and he goes, look after Mr Bond. See that some harm comes to him. What a fucking line. I like this. They can't just have him say kill him because it's this character, drags us to say like eight words. See that some harm comes to. Horan Dufort.

It's an epic character. It's an epic character. Triple word score, Mr. Bond. So Bond goes into some misogyny. Sorry, my Bond does it some more misogyny. Yeah, I have this as moonraker sexist dot whop, right? But bond goes to meet one of the like scientists working on the space shuttle named Dr. Holly Goodhead. That's her name.

Dr. Holly Goodhead. And the way that bond introduces himself is thusly. I am looking for Dr. Goodhead. You just found her. A woman. I just found her. A woman. I run the door! I took like, he literally cannot stop himself from saying two of his words face.

Ah. A woman? Yes. A woman. In the way that someone would see like a fucking or d'oeuvre and be like, Oh. Ooh. Oh, three.

I'm devil, then. Tell you. It's a bond. Mmm. Derv and be like, ooh, three double-edged, tell you, it's a bond. Hmm. There's a woman as the bond boys reward, not, non-shit, 100%. I hate him so much, but she's like, right, okay, what do we have in a like a space lab? What about the thing that goes round and round

spins you a centrifuge? We got one of those. Uh, we, we've previously had the bond wiggler. This is like the bond, uh, like the bond rotator, the bond, we're, uh, but ask him, yes, we have invented a next generation bond wiggler. And he keeps explaining it to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what you do is you put the ash in your energy. I know what this does. And you spin them around and it simulates the herbal herbal. And she's like, I know, I fucking built it. I work here, like, stuff explaining things to me, Roger Moore.

She does get him back, though, because her opening move is like, you can take like seven Gs in this thing, can't you, champ? What are you pussy? Like, her line is a 70 year old can take seven Gs. Roger Moore look 70 by this point is the thing. But he's like, and she doesn't know it's 70. He also says, there's never a 70 year old around when you need one. And my notes say, what?

around when you need one and my notes say, what? Oh, it's such a line. What are you talking about? Don't worry, Mr. Bond. We're going to put you in the Bond world, but if you want to stop, we're going to give you a safe word. This is what we call a chicken switch. Well, we call the chicken switch. What we call the chicken switch?

Is a chicken switch. And if you want to stop, it's a chicken switch. You take your finger off of the chicken switch. So we call the chicken switch. It's a chicken switch. And if you want to stop, it's a chicken switch. You take your finger off of the chicken switch and it stops, right? Yeah. So in case you pass out, it stops automatically. Yeah. I'm going to leave now and let them just leave you to it. Enjoy being wiggled. No, she gets tactically removed by a shirt. Yeah. It just goes like, hey, you got to go, you know, make a phone call. Yeah, yeah, she's like right. Oh, and then the immediate walks into like the control. Hey, but you got to go make a call right?

Just sit there. Master of stealth. Charles, and like, we get a bunch of shots of which I can only describe the vibe as duplicitous asian. Like a bunch of shots of him looking sinister as he like switches the wire around. And he like, he's slowly turning up the wiggler. It's not like a lippy with a and like thunderbolt where he just like bumps the wiggler up to maximum and then books it. No, he's, he's along for the ride.

He is wiggling bum progressively more intensively and Roger Moore is getting air pumped into his face with the head dryer to try and look like to try and look like he's he's under more and more G-force. There's there's going to be some great stills from this. This really is like, we're spoiled for choice in episode art. And I genuinely feel that this is like preview material, right? Is I feel like we need to include in the preview. The fact that this movie includes both Bond G Force face, it includes Bond wearing a cowboy hat. Yeah. It includes him wearing Gondoliers. James Bond has never had a good fit apart from the

two effect up in the previous bonuses. No, no, terrible, terrible stuff. But Bond gets aggressively wiggled and he tries pushing the... That's what we call a chicken switch. And the chicken switch does not work. The chicken switch has been sabotaged. And Bond is being wiggled too much. He is sustaining like 13G. He is sustaining 13G. Bond is getting spun and spun and spun. Of course, we know that he has to rescue himself, but he does so by means of half remembering his assassin's creed dark gun thing. He has like flexing, he shoots something and that makes it stop. And it cuts back the show who has a little disappointed look,

which I really like. Oh yeah, he's just like an arm man. Kind of fantastic. He's seen rising sun. He knows that failure will not be tolerated in Japan. That's right. So Bond gets to like go back to his... Is that actually Japanese?

Is he actually Japanese? Yeah, he actually is Japanese. Okay, thank God. I felt good. Yeah, Toshiro Sugah. I thought they were just gonna do what they did with House of Carter and just get a Hawaiian guy and be like, nice from Korea.

Like... Bond gets to go back to his room in the shadow because Drax us put him up He's like I'm gonna fuck this helicopter pilot for information and a fuck well under the phone Which leads to a Baffling line possibly one of my favorite Yeah, I just wrote bizarre line here, and I know what you're getting so she says to him My mother gave me a list of things not to do on a first date.

And he's like, no, that's a classic. That's a great start of line. No woman. No. And so he's got boundaries to you. I'm going to viseo those. And so he starts kissing her right. And like, she's into it for a change. And as he's like, no, she is not. No, like getting her down on the bed, no, she is not.

No, she is not. No, she is not. He kisses her and she's like physically not into it. She says, you presume a great deal, Mr Bond. And then my notes say, I think that's acting. No, my notes say, oh, suddenly she is. And then she starts like kissing him more. No, because she acts it too good.

It's, it's not playful enough. She's like, no, but then suddenly yeah, okay, whatever. Yeah, I took that line to mean like, you are very audacious, but I will have sex with you. But the way in which she reads it. That's not how I read it. The way that she reads it is like, I do not want to have sex with you.

And then suddenly she does. My notes say they shack inexplicably. They shack inexplicably, but as they're about to, Bond says, no, what about that list of things your mother told you not to do? And she says, I never learned to read. What?

What is it? It's so good. It's such a funny story. It's not even as intelligent as Honey Rider who was reading the encyclopedia. It's such a phenomenal sick. as this woman has flown a helicopter. You don't have to read to do that. You don't have to be literal to do that. Sure, maybe that's a joke line, right? Maybe she's doing a bit there, but I would prefer

to read it. Yeah, that's why I do. Literally cannot read. I never learned to read. I think if she had said, I never bothered to read it. That might have been like a sexy play for... Fuck, maybe that was the line and she's sort of like... I'm too like bad of a girl to lie about reading what my mom does to live. To read it.

Actually, I can't read it. Okay. Yeah, we cut back to them on the bed together and Bond is like reading her the very hungry caterpillar The bond goes through her safe One goes to her safe and in fact it's even funny It's supported in just a country because Bond goes through her safe and find some secret plans And she's like what are they and presumably it's because who has safe and find some secret plans and she's like what are they and presumably it's because the car is... Yeah, Drax has stored his fucking like top secret in this woman's safe because it's the safest fucking place in the prestige. He only employs blind men so no one steals his tricks like

which she can't fucking breathe. Sorry, we should clarify that we are not making fun of people who can't read or who can't read strongly We're making fun of the fact that like randomly this one I think it's genuinely like a line in Zoolander like oh My only regret is that I never learned to read. So Bond breaks into the safe and finds some documents. He takes some photos of them and his little camera has a special 007 lens, not shit, hate it.

And the notes, the papers in the safe are like schematics for glass. And they lead him to a glass factory in Venice. Meanwhile, Drax has the pilot who can't read Killed. He has a talk about by dogs. He has a torn apart by dogs. I don't know what he's like. He's like, genuinely quite like a well shot

dramatic, tense scene. It's good that they can do like one or two of this movie. It's a bit undercut by the fact that like, she starts off at like a walking pace and a, and Charlotte's the dog's after the leash. She runs by the golf cart that she drove into that scene on, and she runs past that at a gentle jog in order to run into the woods. Now, I don't. Well, she starts off at a gentle jog because the actress was wearing heels for the start of that. She wants to converse for like the rest of the scene so she can run faster. I think that maybe I could outrun a couple of hunting dogs on a golf cart. I think that's such a devan thing to say.

I think you get me a golf cart and a couple of hunting dogs. How fast do you think a golf cart goes? I think a hunting dog goes. That's shit. I mean, even so, I just stand on top of the golf cart. Yeah, I mean, obviously at that point, he just shoots you, right? But still, take some of the fun out of it.

And that's something that we, we like, we kind of learn about Drax is like, one of his lines later is, Mr. Bond, you've denied all of my attempts to give you an amusing death. And that at least is like a better reason for like why he keeps placing Bond an easily escapeable situation is just like because I'm the Joker, Mr. Buns. I think it's funny. Everything that Drax does is is such like a fucking Nuvo reach guy trying to justify his

wealth. So everything he does is like old world aristocratic shit like getting a fucking mansion from France pulled over. So he seems a little bit more legitimate. He like shoots fizz and so he plays piano and he fucking golfs and it's like, man. You can just have a hobby if you want, you know, you don't have to tie every single aspect of your life back to this. So Karin Dufour really does fit that sort of general pattern of girl who helps Bond and is then killed immediately. You should not assist James Bond. You will die.

You will not make any effort to save you and you will die because it's the only way the script knows to establish like danger. You don't have to be able to read to see a red flag, you know. It's fine. I never learned to read. What's wrong? She died with that, she died with that, ever learning how to read.

That means she, she, that's right. Bond is like not aware of this, but at no point does he give a fuck, right? He's like never even. He's already gone to Venice, he's already fucked up. He's already gone to Venice, he's in Venice. He's just about survives like a shooting attempt against him By shooting the guy who was gonna shoot him like out of a tree and then drags

Clearly knows what he's just done this and drags is like, oh, well Buddy Yeah, so bond goes to Venice. He's in a he's in a gondola and they try to do a drive by on a gondola with him. Oh, no, no, no, no. A bondola, yes, a bondola. But first, the heap, I'm sent a doctor goodhead who also happens to be there. And he asks her out in a very like sex-pest way and she shoots him down stylishly because he says, can you think of a reason why we shouldn't have a drink? And she says, not immediately, but I'm sure I shall. Nice. Get it.

He does nothing but sex past shit. From the second he arrives in Venice, I clipped this for the for the James Bond account a little while ago. But it's like, he walks into this glass blowing workshop. And there's just an absolute smoke show of a lasso in... Oh, sure. ...right in the front and and she goes can I interest you in anything and like he immediately responds like oh one sex please I'm tempted to say yes immediately but I should probably have a look around and the expression that she gives is such like a perfect come on man yeah it's like a perfect like two to three frame micro expression before she reads the rest of

a line of this. So like, yeah, okay. No one will be wish. So bond bond is in the bond, and they try to kill him from a husk, a boat husk. I got this. I don't want to move about this guy. A guy, a satin sits up in a coffin, the lid of which is covered in knives

and just starts hucking knives at bars. It's not even that. He sits up in this coffin, the lid of which does not. Like a fucking undertake. But then like a fucking like fan of knives like all from the side and he selects two from it. And I'm like, who is this guy and tell me everything about a million times more interesting than chat. But again, this is just a remix of the jazz funeral from Liv and Matt die. Yeah.

Just doing the same shit. Yeah, now is the funeral for you. Big guy. And then Bond just immediately kills him. Yeah, Bond kills him. And then we have a boat chase because Roger Moore cannot make a Bond film without there being some kind of I've written Watercraft shenanigans. I have here two boat chases per movie, no exceptions.

That's the Roger Moore promise. My note is James Bond is primarily a series of films chases per movie no exceptions. That's the Roger Moore promise. My note is James Bond is primarily a series of films about boats. That's true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is the canals of Venice in which Bond motorises his gondola, his bondola, in like a queue-like fashion. And then escapes by inflating a hovercraft cushion beneath it and driving it across St. Mark's Square. It's the same, it's the same, it's the same, it's the last film. It's just an over-acquatic vehicle. It's the same, the same reaction shot.

It's the same joke where the guy looks at him and then looks at an alcohol bottle and I'm like, wait, the same guy. It's the same guy because he's the head of the second division filming guy. Yeah, second unit in Italy. And they had a second unit in Italy. And this comes up because this is the second of three films in which Bond cannot stop going to Italy. He's just like going free and the wrong. And it's all got that one guy doing the fucking reaction. Also, and I wrote this in full Cavs Dovel Space, pigeon double take. shitty pigeon editing. We see a pigeon do a double take, but the way that they have done that is to take a shot of a pigeon moving its head to one side and to cut a frame of it back

in. So it looks like it looks twice, but it doesn't though. No, it's so bad. And like a dog dog is like, oh, fantastic. Fine, great, fine. Bond goes to the glass company, and we get the scene where he like nonces up the lady up front. Woman. Woman. Woman. Woman.

Woman. We see that they have a glass museum, which is like check-offs glass museum being moved to center stage here. Bond infiltrates back behind the glass blowing factory to find a secret lab. It's since good. Yeah, in this secret lab, we have guys and lab codes distilling liquids into the glass vials and then those goes into like bigger glass files, and those go into pods, right? These pods are the most Star Wars control panel looking at.

And for a mech droid looking pods. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it was popular when this movie came out, Star Wars. How can you tell all of the ways? So could you tell? Because the fucking, the end credits of the previous movie said James Bond will return in your eyes only.

Your eyes only? Yes, they all sound the same. And then they moved this one up. But instead they were like, oh, stars. So they did move around. It's a good bit of visual storytelling though, because Bond takes one of these vials and he interdoing, he moves some stuff around and he like secures one of the vials in a stop-pocket and then the scientist comes back in and he hides and he hides behind a kind of air locked door and because he's moved the other vials as the scientists are packing up,

they knock one of the vials over and it smashes and they're like, oh no, no, no, no, get out, get out and then they die like quite horribly and bond is behind the sealed door, so he doesn't. So it's a good bit of visual storytelling that tells us this is where there is no- There is no-one in these vials, it's pretty fucking deadly. visual story to make that tells us this is very nice. Yeah, not really. It's very nice. It's very nice.

It's very nice. It's very nice. It's very nice. It's very nice. It's very nice. Yeah, not really. It's very nice. It's very nice.

Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really.

Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah, not really. Yeah in the lab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna get one of the little like plastic aprons too. No, 100%. Like Hugo Drax is getting a terrible racing on Hentch after this. Now at this point, my notes say, Asian man attacks ridiculously. Well, I wrote Kendo Nagasaki.

I also wrote Kendo Nagasaki. So, here he is. I also have one line of notes that simply says, ah, ah, ah, ah, yeah, Bond turns the corner after having leaving this place. That's a great sentence construction, but still Bond turns the corner after having left this place and fucking someone steps out from behind the pillar and it is char wearing still a no get, with the mask. It's so and it's like I would use like a bladed weapon of some description like maybe you're really good at Kendo.

Could have brought the dogs that we've seen killed or what? No, no, we're doing Kendo and every time he swings the Kendo stick, he's gonna go, ah! Well, I mean, that's just proper Kendo every time. Like, he's doing very good Kendo at the moment, but the problem with that is that James Bond doesn't know Kendo stick, he's got to go, ah! Well, that means that's just proper Kendo. Every time. Like, he's doing very good Kendo at the moment, but the problem with that is that James Bond doesn't know Kendo, so he doesn't understand when he's supposed to get hit.

So he just easily avoids every attack and then wins. Actually, well, we shouldn't skip over the details of this fight. They throw each other through every piece of glass in the glass museum. Like we knew that was happening. Like John Wick, what about two or three? At the time, the largest amount of sugar glass used in a single scene in any movie ever. I don't think it's, I don't begrudge this. It's dumb as hell, but you see them setting it up.

You're like, yes, I'm just going to get thrown through all of that shit. And you're just like, all right. They kind of play around of it as well, because when Bond is at first going through the Glass Museum, they have a museum guide pointing at this big, like, blue, sort of shallow dish and talking about how valuable and expensive it is. And then throughout the entire fight, everything else is getting smashed apart from that dish, which is still on like a pillar in the middle of the room. And there's a point where Bond manages like catch it and put it back on, and then Char just like

smashes it in his hands, not even as an attack. He just picks it up and obliterates it. And I'm really full. That was fantastic. I really enjoyed that. Yeah, this is good. This is a good moment. Again, this movie was created by the person

who wrote the good bits of spy who loved me and a baboon. Yeah, and now it's baboon time, baby, because Bond is going to sneak into, he's going to break into Holy Goodhead's hotel room. Well, hold on, how do I kill Char? Oh, Christ, he throws Char out of a clock face into a piano harpsichord. Some kind of hammered stringed instrument. But like, yeah. You have a bond line? Because I don't have a written down. Play it again and sound. Oh, god.

Play it again and sound. Oh, why did you ask that? Because I didn't write it down. I'm sorry. He misses it. But hearing it, now I'm very upset again. Yeah, please get them out. Very good.

I love this bit because Bond breaks into Holly Goodhead's room. She has apparently just been addressing an astrophysics conference. However, she has been doing it in a white, backless, sleepless dress. I mean, you look amazing. She looks amazing. She's also blonde and has American accents, so she ticks both of my boxes. There's the only two requirements, but I'm like, it's a lovely dress, but it's not really appropriate for an academic conference.

I mean, I'm all about learning about the heavenly bodies, but come on. She does have beautiful annunciation. Personally, the spray bottle moment for me was a drags his molecule when he's out hunting. They're wearing little hunting capes and hats. Of course he wouldn't. That is good, yeah. No, 100%. So the dog's on me.

Anyway, so he breaks into her hotel room while she's asleep. And like, because he thinks that he, that she might be in cooots with char, right? The way in which he wakes her up is by switching on the light. And when she goes to like get it, he grabs her and he, he goes, he makes the noise. Yeah, I wrote the chat. He makes the noise. He's like, ah, you thought it was the guy who makes this noise all the time, but it was me James Bond. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. It's what? He like ransacks her room finding various articles of silly bullshit. Yeah, it's like you. A few people like sprays fire and like a pen that is also like a venom syringe and yeah. Because she's CIA, that's what it is.

She deduces this from the silly bullshit. He's like, he says, this is standard CIA equipment. And I'm like, fucking, how did, which of this shit did they use to kill JFK? No one in his house couldn't get Castro fucking D.I.S. We're coming up for now with the fucking Christian Dior that's a flame thrower. I'm gonna get him this time. I'm ridiculous.

So they sort of agree to work together, but she like, occasionally refuses to trust him. And he's like, no, this is a lot like the last movie I did was a spy who didn't trust me, isn't it? Don't you remember that? Wasn't that a fun time? I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, just like the previous James Bond movie, the spy who loved me. Once again, my notes say they shag inexplicably. They shag. So we get, also, she has hair on her upper lip, which, that's the representation that I, that I, that I just asked. We, we get a cutaway scene of Hugo Drax finding out that his main man has been obliterated in a comical fashion. And he goes, fuck, well, we need another assassin to kill Bond. You guy. And it's a great, well-acted thing because there's just silence because obviously he's on

the phone. And then he goes, well, if you think you can get him, absolutely. And then the next scene is is the big man himself, Richard Falken, Keel walking through like an airport and his teeth set off the alarm. Fantastic. Perfect. Perfect. There's a fun bit where Bond and the minister of defense rule in Venice, but Bond's like, I found this lab that's full of chemicals and they go in and the lab is gone and like, Draks is there. And he has this great line where he says,

I'm not being English, I find your sense of humor rather difficult to follow because Bond and M and the minister of events are all standing there in Gatmask like, ah, and he's like, what are you doing? But he, I pulled the doctor no move. I moved my entire base over nine in order to troll you. Yeah So bond bond gets in trouble for this right? Emma's like, ah, you have to like take two weeks of leave wink wink and figure this out and I can't know anything about it. It's pretty Patel Saxon

Emma's being a lot nicer to bond in this one because if you think back to like the man with a golden gun every nicer to bond in this one because if you think back to like the man with a golden gun every see I wish they were strangled as a child I wish you'd come out of your own little corner wrapped around your pro James with piece of shit eat it and this one is you can't be being quite fatherly which I really like a vonkiller yeah yeah yeah but also when tracks is on the phone hiring jaws it's a cool space phone

I know sorry like wide and like fold and like blocky But also when Drax is on the phone hiring jaws, it's a cool space phone. Oh, yeah, no. It's all like white and like folded like blocking. Oh, shit. In space. So it's time for James Bond to go to the next location. Oh, yeah. Where's the next location? Next location is Rio de Janeiro.

The reason why it's Rio de Janeiro is because of some clue bullshit. It's not important. Like, they could just as well have said, next location, Rio de Janeiro. Yeah. Drax is moving next location, Rio de Janeiro. Draks is moving his operation to Rio de Janeiro. Why? Because it's time to... Because it's the next location in the movie, come on.

It's a time to check into the hotel, observe a sort of nasty little homophobic stereotype concierge and meet a sexy lady who works like the who works for the local MI6 station and she's like well I can help you get into this warehouse where zero drip once again brown shirt white suit dog shit not just not just zero drip burlads it's a new pussycock record It's a new Pussycat record. Oh, you got the card. When I was hit the timer, I was like, hang on a fucking second. One minute and 55 seconds.

Fuck me. Well, first appearing on screen in the card, as she follows Bonrony Airport, to them shagging, one minute 55 seconds. And first of the mashing, the previous record from Goldfinger of two minutes, 33. Oh, he works fast for he's on vacation. Each shit Man, well 155 baby look that's oh my god Yeah, cuz she's like not the most real diginero only character in this movie so they had to get her entire James Bond a complex arc out of the way, which is meat. Yeah, and it's very nice. His line is like, no, how do you spend five hours in Rio?

If you don't, Sam, by having sex with me, Roger, no fucking way, he's been five hours. How do you spend three minutes in Rio? I have to go cry in the bathroom afterwards that should fill up another 10. It is of course kind of all. Oh, of course, because he's in that situation. Do you mind if I wear the third nipple I got from the mouth of gold? You got it. Fucking did to Rouse.

Well, I admit it is a little cake. LAUGHTER Who would have heard of the conversation? They go to break into this warehouse where tracks is like air freight thing is headquartered. But it's kind of all because you know, it's it's always the time when a city does the thing that it's famous for in James Bond movies. Absolutely. And we will see this again in fucking specter even. It's kind of how. And so everybody's dancing, everybody's happy, everybody's in the streets.

And as Bond breaks in, he like leaves her behind in the alley to be like, mood, don't talk to any strange man. Also, please don't tell anyone about crying. I did. I'm so man. Also, please don't tell anyone about crying. I did. For a second. Oh, please. The embarrassing. It's a bit of a crime. This never normally happens. I'm using it very effectively. We'll hurry and get.

So we get genuinely quite menacing. Jaws for most of the scene. And then terrifying. Jaws clown. Yeah. He's wearing a terrifying clown out. But obviously, he's head and shoulders tall of an every other motherfucker on earth, but his clown outfit is a little bit taller even than him. So, it's just monstrous clown.

It's walking down this alley. In a long shot, I'm gonna... And like, they really hold that long shot, too. Which is, that was good. That was deaf. Instead of like zooming in and being like, yo, check this guy out, it's George. Instead of giving you the like sort of looming horror. Anyway, George picks her up. Yeah. George picks her up. He tries to bite her. Bond jumps on him,

tries to hit him, doesn't work, because George, you know, metal Being accosted by people coming out of a bar nearby and just like dance and industry Yeah, it's the sort of like comedy of errors where like they're constantly getting danced apart by crowds Who are like not reading the murder vibe and they can't kill each other because obviously we too can specuous yet Yeah, yeah, yeah, so Jaws is swept away quite comedically by a crowd of dancey people. Yeah, as you as you swept away, he starts dancing to, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. It's such a good house. It only takes place in the background of of Yeah, yeah, talking, but it's such a fucking good actor. He's like bumping the arms a little bit, like resignation, like trying to

get through the crowd to get back at them and then eventually just going like, ah, it's carnival and joining the other contestants. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. So what else is in Rio? Do we know what else is in Rio? I'll show you in next location, James. What else is in Rio?

Rio, it's fucking Christo Redento is what else is in Rio. It's the big statue of Jesus, T-Posing. People on the third stole it that one time. Yeah. And OssS, Sondiset, gone to fight on top of it another time. We'll watch that at some point probably. Yeah, Bond goes up there and uses the viewing telescope things to spy on the airport where he is able to zoom in with this

to read the side of a plane and be like, oh, that says, Drac's air freight. This is like, we're going to infiltrate that airport. Yeah. Well, he did uses that Drac's is like packing up. He's because he didn't find anything in the warehouse and he's like, ah shit, like Drax is already flying out of here. There was no point coming here. Oh, but Dr. Goodhead is here on the cable car. Mm-hmm. Oh, would you like to do some more daton to me?

Oh, baby. You know who else is on that cable car? It's George. It's George and another guy. George brings a guy and this guy's sole job is to like move the cable cars. So Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead and getting the cable car back down, having kind of agreed to work together but also not trust each other. Much like the movie, despite who loves me, which you may remember.

I like that one. Jaws bites through the cable car cable to strand them. Yeah. This cable was made out of licorice, by the way. I get what it made out of steel myself. And then has his guy like move him on top of another cable car until he's parallel with them. So you can jump across and fight them. This is such a couple of people man.

Just got the cable assassination attempt. And also that's why you pay him the big bucks is because George is willing to go out there after them. George engineered this scenario from the fucking star. He wasn't forced into this position. He was like, no, I'm going to kill him on top of the cable car. And he also, Richard, he can't really jump that great. So the shot of him jumping across is just like him swinging his arms back. And then like essentially you just selected him and jump and moved him across. And

then he just fights these two on top of a cable car. Yeah, it turns out that Pfizer gone top of a cable car, the top of a cable car, not a great fight location. Sounds cooler than it is. Yeah, it feels like George even himself made that mistake. Cause he's like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're a back to it. He's like, you're like, you're like, you're like rocking around and stuff, but they don't really have the technology to do that. So instead it's just, and you have all of this like winding gear and stuff, but they don't really have the technology to do that. So instead it's just,

and you have all this winding gear and shit at the top of the cable car, so they're ducking under and through that and stuff. And it's just a bit awkward really to be honest. Yeah, that's a word. Bond punches jaws in the face and like dings his hand because his teeth are made of metal. And then Bond punches him in the dick and balls,

which are also made of metal. Yeah, that doesn't happen to later in the movie. That does happen later. It doesn't happen in the scene, it does happen later. But yeah, it turns out that George also just has like metal dick and balls. Yeah, he's had the, I don't know what pathway he went through at the general identity clinic,

but it's all just like steel down there. A good thing he was called jaws and not like balls. Yeah, get me balls. Balls cool. Yes. I can slide on in that fantastic. Yeah, so my note here just say true commitment to a task at hand and then like, yeah, all right. For the next one, yeah, which is so bond bond escapes with Dr. Goodhead by riding the cable

car down the cable car cable down on a chain. Yeah, this is the chase system. Yeah, all right. They they drop off and land on some convenient grass. And Jaws is unable to stop the cable car in time and demolishes the like base station with him in the car. And of course, we see him like dust himself off. Well, we don't.

No, he doesn't dust himself off. He can't get out. No, no. His metal dick and bulls are about to get polished by someone else who are changed because We meet Joseph's love interest who everybody falsely remembers as as having braces even though she doesn't Does she know I seem to remember having braces? When did you when did you see this film?

Just like just now yeah, I'm looking at the pictures. Yeah, no, she does not have brace Everybody thinks she does because she looks kind of like she might do. She's got like wire in glasses and she's got like two big long pigtails and no braces. Anyway, it could be a funny foil because he has the metal teeth. I think it'd be funny for that to have. Yeah, everybody, everybody thinks that, but she doesn't have them. So she sees him trapped under this wheel and it's love at first sight. Right. And you get the like, like love music, I don't even remember what it is. It might be like, it's some fucking adagio who cares. And you're like, oh, this is cute and funny. And it's like humanizing. And she helps him move the wheel off and they like open a bottle of uh no they don't. They just walk off hand and hand. They just walk off hand. This is another yellow one. The original plan was to have her be a little person

um and then I think I think Richard Richard Keel was like no like it doesn't she doesn't need to I'm fine no sorry I've got that backwards um the original plan was to have her also be really really tall. Richard Keel said, well, actually, what if she was just normal sized? And then the director was like, with that work, and Richard Keel was like, well, my wife is like a normal sized woman. Yeah. And the director was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, for a period of time. Yeah. You're telling, I mean, sometimes you remember that in the 1970s, people just genuinely believe things like you can't have sex with an average sized woman if you're too tall. Yeah. Sure, fine, whatever. She kills both the Richard Keele's wives, normal size.

Oh. That's the weirdest review we've ever given an actor on this hard part, too. Two normal sized women. Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead, you can hear me sighing every time I have to say it. Once again, that's Dr. Holly Goodhead. Dr. Holly Goodhead, that's her name.

Are like rescued by paramedics as they're like fucking. And Bond is like, actually, I think we're doing quite well. I don't know if it's quite anything. And Bond is then immediately coshed over the back of the head. This is another yell, right? Yeah, all right. So there's a thing's just happening.

I was like, yeah, okay, suppose it would. Yeah, fake ambience. Both of them get tied up in the back of a fake ambulance, which again, I think I've seen that movie. You get the most beautiful, possible product placement, which is that the ambulance just drives past a series of billboards for seven up and Marborough. So if you ever wanted to pick some of those up.

Bond, like, kind of like, in vagals his way out by using Holly Goodhead to distract the one guy in the back, in a very sort of Fujiko mean I sort of way like hmm I kind of want to have sex with you while I'm tied to this stretcher and he's like I'm gonna keep looking in this direction the whole time. Oh boy I hope nothing's happening behind me. Not playing attention to this guy. Yeah and he gets like tied to the stretcher and kicked

out the back into a billboard. Bond escapes, but Dr. Hollywood heard it does not and the fake ambulance drives off there and alone. inexplicably. My notes say James Bond dressed as a cowboy rides to a kung fu monastery. I have cowboy bond. My note, not to try to one up either of you here, I've written non-ski-hoti. I guess, I guess strictly speaking, it should be like goucho bond or like vakero bond.

I don't know what the port is either. This is just like a previous fucking movie where we had non-serverabia where he was just on a camel And he's just on a horse going to a location. Ah, Salamu Alaikum, it's me, James Bond. It's just a pedo villa, there's a monk with a laser, I don't know man, wh- He's wearing like a poncho and hat too. There's the music from the magnificent seven plays and you just like Yeah cool fine, okay

He goes to he goes to a mastery where we deploy what I will call the like Field headquarters scene, right like we go to a Landmark and improbably M and money penny and cue are there and cue is testing a bunch of silly bullshit. Cue is testing a set of explosive bolus. Bouls cue. Fine, sure. You never come up again. He's got a laser gun.

Yeah. And he's been doing some analysis of the thing, the nerve gas that Bond found. And he has determined that it's synthesized from a single, extremely rare orchid. I think, and again, Bond knows what this orchid is. Bond not only knows what this orchid is, he corrects Q on where it was found. He was like a missionary brought it back from the Amazon Co-river, and Bond is like, actually, it was the typical tarker river. Fine. Sure. Okay. Bond is going to have another boat chase.

It's boat chase number two. No exception. It's two boat chases. More boats, baby. Bond, Bond gets to drive a special speedboat up the Amazon. He gets to like blow up a couple of like henchmen boats. What was actually a mistake because he blows up some very obvious crash dummies instead? Yeah, there is one funny scene right where a henchman boat has to like sort of jump, jump into the into the shot like over a ramp and it looks like it fully knocks out one of the extras in it and they just kept it in. It's just a guy in the front who just gets slammed and you just like, yeah, right. Jaws is there.

Jaws is there. Jaws chase is him. Jaws falls off a waterfall and Bond again deploys some silly bullshit. He activates hang lighter. He's rumored that from, you remember that from my other film, Liv and let die where I had a hang glider. Yeah, hang glidered in to get that solid hair. He's supposed to be in the middle of the Amazon. The waterfall that he comes off is, uh, approximately the entire size of Brazil. South of there, it's on the border between Argentina and Brazil. Nice.

Whatever. It's also about three feet high, which is funny. I mean, Roger Moore wasn't anywhere near that anyway because he's just very badly green-screened in. Yeah, I hope you enjoy shots of like Roger Moore in front of paintings because there are a lot of them while he was like flying around. But like, okay fine, Bond, it's time for you to move to next location.

Bond, you have to land the thing conveniently next to a Mesa American temple. Oh, because we're in the Amazon baby, so we're a fucking Amazon. It's got a step pyramid, like right there. Yeah. Mm-hmm. They have some strange lore right there. Yeah They have some strange It is not related by blood to no

Is drag says some shit about the location and it's like okay, all right cool Sure, there's a bunch of sexy ladies and jumps. It's there. It's all that it's all the training astronauts Merriott. I I love the sexy ass woman He spots and follows is the same woman that he non-stacked in the fucking front room. The guys here, yes. And I'm just like, what are you doing? Which means, the drags was wasting a member of his

molecule, working reception in her off hours in Venice, which is very fun. She looks so much worse than she did in that first scene, as well, because they've got addressed in a stereotypical fucking Road to El Dorado asked like attractive white gown Lost civilization shit and it's like come on man But now I do like the rest of the the astronauts because they're wearing like white jumpsuits and also Not only are they all 10 out of 10 smoke shows,

we see that it's not racist. It's not a race thing. It's the vibe here. It's like... The mid 1970s vibe of diversity. Right. There is one black person in each scene, so you get the message that like, it's not racist.

Mm, which I mean, I would've been like, he's the villain, so like. Yeah, could've been, but it's not. He's like, he's not racist, he's an intersectional villain. Well, he's not racist, so he's the villain because he's not racist, because he's the villain because he's not racist because the hero's racist, you see. He knows he like employs an Asian man and also like a couple of black people, and it's

cool. Anyway, so James Bond has to defeat him, but drag shows up with some goons who are wearing the worst henchmen outfit in this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Can we talk about the helmets that these guys are in this movie. Yeah. Yeah. We talk about the helmets that these guys are wearing. Talk about helmets. I mean, speak of trance.

I don't know. How would you describe the helmets that these guys are wearing? Because they're like all time the American football helmets that have been inflated and they're also yellow and black. I'm trying to find a picture because it's been a little while since I've seen them. They look, I don't know. I'm really struggling with how I also I can describe these helmets other than like sort of coded by a guy who had four polygons to work with. Yeah, okay, yeah, no, I found, okay, I found a picture here. Um, and I appreciate this is an audio medium,

of course, but holy fuck. That's fine. We'll get quiet. This is, okay, so it's like the top half of the kind of shit you wear when you've like broken your neck. It's like a brace, but without any of the bits that descend past the ear. I mean, let me just put this in the discord. You put all of his cool design points into the base. Because the base is really good. Yeah, Ken, that was awesome.

Also wearing yellow jumpsuits with massive gold belt buckles in like, Drax is like insignia, which is cool. Yeah, Drax tries to kill Bond again by like dumping him into a swimming pool, which is like my phone thunderbolt. Again, also deadly aquatic animal, but we haven't used yet. Oh, the Anaconda, yeah. Yeah, fuck it. Anaconda.

An Anaconda. An Anaconda tries to sprain the bones. He kills it in like 20 seconds with the pen. He kills it with the CIA like JFK murdering pen. And Drax is like, you know, I was trying to be, I was trying to have fun with it, right? I could have killed you easily at any time, but instead I was trying to like,

liven things up a bit around here for morale purposes. And every time you just fuck it, you just stabbed, do you know how difficult it is to get a fucking constructor into a pool to try and murder a guy? And you just fucking stabbed it to death. You piece of shit. In like two seconds as well. It's like entirely forgettable scene. Um, yeah.

Anyway, let, let, let me show you my plan. Why show you my evil base? You just never tell him the plan yet. He just shows him the evil base from which he is launching space shuttles. So in this moment, I want to take a second to talk about the sets, because obviously we've got our boy,

our boy care now, Adam's is coming through again. However, you might remember a factoid I brought up in the last episode, which was about the 007 stage, the single largest sound stage in the world ever at the point where they were from in the previous. Tax laws were announced in Great Britain, so the producer Albert Broccoli decided not to use any of the sound stages in the UK, including the one that they had built themselves for the previous movie, they did it all in France on the condition that they could use every soundstage in Paris. So they just colonized it. They rebuilt M's office set in Paris rather than film it in Britain and pay more taxes. Really?

A second thing about this is, Ken Adam here was rather surprised to find out that in France they have these things called unions. It turns out that they won't just work over time like he was used to the fucking UK. Super bass. Yeah. The story as it is IMDB goes that ultimately the crew saw his designs and decided it was worthwhile to work over time, which I don't know. It's about the way it should be. My ass.

Like my fucking foot mate. Sure. Sure. Okay. Don't know. Anyway, all of these sets are union made. My fucking foot mate. Sure. Sure. OK. So anyway, all of these sets are union made. That's right.

Making this slightly more ethical than usual bond movie. So but bond is like taken to like meet up with holy good head again. And drags us like, you see this orchid, right? It made the people who built the civilization sterile, but I've upgraded it and I'm going to use it to fucking wipe out all life on earth so we can live beneath the sea. Sorry, no way. I'm confusing with my other film, the spy who loves me, so we can live in space. So we can live in space. No, he's not going to live in space. He's going to live in space. So we can live in space. And then he's not gonna live in space.

He's gonna live in space for a bit, and then he's gonna send people, his dime pieces, his smoke shows, to repopulate the earth, along like eugenicist lines, but not racistly. So they're all, they have the best genes and stuff, but also they're not all like when long because it's not a race thing. It's not racist. It is not racist. It's not racist. It's just it's just a

you can't stress this. So so younger fans who maybe haven't seen the movie Moonraaker. And I'm wondering if we may be making up that the plan of the bad guy is to create a sort of Noah's Ark full of perfect 10 out of 10 him bows and dime pieces in space. You think we might be making this all? No, that's right. Also, there's a laser gun fight later. Don't worry. Also, there will be one of those. So he's like, right, I've, I've, I've, I've had enough of these two put them in the conference room that I have under the launch pad to a rocket. Okay. That's, it's not the exact line he uses, but he, he says a fucking drag thing. He says some like overlappin' shit and George takes fully five seconds to start moving. I can only imagine as him trying to fucking figure out what the order was.

He's like, he says some shit like, er, it's great, girl, and he'll, and we move these two to somewhere more temperate or some shit. Yeah. And George is like, yeah. All right, yeah, I got it. He is a triple word score motherfucker. Yes, put them in the conference room that I have under a rocket launch pad,

which is just like fully equipped, like phones and like a table and everything that I assume will be incinerated. Oh, what's that? Oh, no, no, they all retract into the floor in a very cool way. Oh, I didn't know that. That's how fun figures out.

Oh, we're about to be incinerated because all the conference shit like folds into the floor and then the top opens up and you see that they're underneath the space shuttle exhaust. Sadly, they escape. Bond uses his fucking watch, which is full of like debt, cord to blow a great open explosively. Yeah, and more inexplicable watch gadgets. Big fans of the series. I do love a classic three part. I love a set up, a reminder, and then a payoff. That's one of my favorite things to see in a movie. Once again, he has a magic watch. He's a problem for him. Magic shitty digital. Magic shit. Psycho. Psycho.

Yeah. Bond and Holly Goodhead escape. Drax loads his various hymbeos and herbeos into, I guess, like, five or six space shuttles, five or six moon-raykers. Yeah. And launches them from the middle of the Amazon undetected. Yeah, so let me just like I've made a fucking flow chart here. So Dracks is harvesting these orchids for the producer poison in the Amazon. Yeah. Yeah. He then

Sends the poison to Venice. That's right to be put into glass files So he doesn't have the glass files made of Venice instead of he sends the poison to Venice, to be put into glass files. So he doesn't have the glass files made in Venice instead of he sends the poison to Venice, to be made in his glass files, sends all of that to Rio. Maybe he sends it to orchids. Rio, question mark, and then back to the Amazon from when it is launched, but the shuttles a built in California. Yeah. Have I got that all? Yeah, that's all correct. That's exactly his plan. Yeah.

It's Abigail. It's called muscle confusion. And he is doing it to the intelligence agencies of the world, and it's working very well. It's only James Bond's like willingness to kill Anna Condes on site. This is again, it's just like the previous one where he comes across a villain and he's like, all right, you've had your fun.

What's the money you're looking for? And the response is, no, no, no, I'm just going to do this, man. No one knows. Tracks is in this for the fun of it. No one knows about this. We even established that he tracks industries built the space shuttles. The only reason he stole one is because the ones that he tracks industries built the space shuttles. The only reason he's still one is because what the ones that he was going to use developed a fault. So he had to be like,

oh, shit, I need another one. He couldn't have just been like, well, what was he doing? Yeah, why did you have to look? Steal it, steal it off the back of a 747. It's the only way international non-s of mystery 007 has gotten fucking involved is because this can't wasn't patient and just stole back. Why?

When Bond came to you, did you try and have him kill? Because that just made it more suspicious. Yeah. I need to sped out why tore off facilities. Sadly, I'm sad at the

selling goodbye. Like, why would you put him in the wiggler? What? Yeah. What was he here? How was it? I got to the point where James Bond is in the fucking Amazon?

You fucked up so badly! Why is this baboon in? Why do I let the baboon in? The problem is they had the guy who wrote the previous one, Annabar Boon, and they had very strict time schedule for who could write at which point. So you get to sit frequent points when there will be a good idea and then it will be like, I'll fuck the baboons out to take over. Shit. The fucking, I went on 20 minutes in it.

But go to space. Go to fucking space. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act.

But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an act. But Bond gets an astronaut. If you remember my other film from Russia, no, no, but you remember my other film you only lived twice. I was also an astronaut for a second. I was an astronaut again now. They go to space in the space shuttle. They fly the hampos up there too. They fly jaws and jaws as go. this. Yeah, shit, because they're not aware of the fucking himbo thing yet. So like, Dr. Holly Goodhead says, why don't we, why don't we see what kind of cargo we've got? And they press a button and then just like, like, oh, she went to cargo of pussy, what? It's just like, it's like a passage

and making out with each other back there. Like perfect himbo's sat next to absolute dime pieces and they're all made nice. It looks like a fucking conditioner advert. They all have like these people blowing locks in an exploding space ship later on. Yeah, they all day. Every fun thing.

All of them go. And they all look so happy. Like, I get to like in the world has gone down a significant amount. Like a letter like a letter grade because of James Bond, I get to like in the world has gone down a significant amount Like a letter like a letter grade because of James Bond, but they all look deeply like in love with each other. They're happy to be there They probably don't even know that anything fucked is happening and like Whatever fine. They find the space station that Drax has secretly built in orbit.

You get a city, you get a that snowman scene. Now I have mixed feelings about this, right? Because it does make me quite sad to realize that the idea of a city in space, even, you know, notwithstanding like Star Wars and stuff like that, was strange and like futuristic and fantastical, but not that fantastical at the time this was made, right? Like, it's the difference between audiences then going, oh, that's cool, and us going, that's ridiculous. The best we can do in space is like four scientists floating around up there smelling each other's thoughts for a year. Like the narrowing of the fucking horizons there really badly depressed me. And as shit you know, dumb a movie as this was just to see this go from like, oh yeah, we'll probably like be living in space or underwater at some point in the future. That's definitely

that's something on the agenda. Greetings to our comrades in the 21st century. I thought you know that you have a eradicated war. Oh, I don't even, I will cry. Me too, man. God, they have such a nice voice for us. It's almost like we're being haunted by something. I don't think so. Listen, anyway, I'm, I'm like orders, hating space.

I think it's good that we woke up there. Service is fine for me. Yeah. Well, now all of our science fiction is about like dying. I was definitely a notable point at which all, when you asked someone to imagine the future, there was a definite moment when it stopped being like fucking cities in space and like hover cars and started just being like just like a real shit everywhere. Yes, yeah.

It was also a definite moment where I realized that whenever I imagine the future I was always a woman. Strangely. It's okay. Yeah, we're tell that happens. Anyway, so like they they infiltrate the space station and are immediately captured by jaws. Like immediately standing behind them.

So they're behind the way, hi. He's like, he's so glad to see you. And he's like, I'm so glad I get to kill you myself. It's great. This is where we discovered that he has metal balls. Oh, okay. So after this, he brings them before Drax. And Drax is like, once again, I must stress Mr. Bond that I am not racist.

Yeah, okay. He's also not misogynistic either because half of his like crew of hench dweebs behind him are women. It's like a perfect 50-50 split. This will come up later. Yeah. women, it's like a perfect 50-50 split. This will come up later. Yeah, and he's like, well, the world is like depraved and terrible. And like, it's not, we don't, only oil companies know about climate change at this point. So I'm not an eco-fascist, but I am going to say that I think society is terrible and I think we should rebuild it by gasing everybody

with this orchid gas and then repopulating it with perfect himbows. But crucially, not a racial thing. It's not racist that I'm doing this. It's not racist. And Bond outplays him by like, by your own lodgicking him. He debates him in the the theatre of mind combat because. Right to call him about it. In yeah, in

jaws is hearing he's like, oh so you want to and it's like eliminate all physical deformities, and then and Drac says like, yeah, of course, I do. Of course, I want to eliminate all physical deformities. Didn't you hear the thing about eugenics that I just said? And meanwhile we're casting to jaws looking at Penny and with her like glasses and like, I don't know, there's not even like what I'm not sure what's meant to be wrong with her. And like the fact that Drax like allowed jaws to bring her to the space station in order

to not get nerve gas would seem to indicate that he was kind of going to take a tolerant attitude towards them. But like my notes say is my man implying that metal teeth are heritable? Yeah, yeah, no, you don't deserve a place in the future, you're too big. I don't think that's the condition. And unfortunately, we need only medium-sized dime sizes to repoll. We're another conformable. You're too tall and your girlfriend is a nerd. Get out of there.

Only fucking track stars, baby. Oh, a world without physical deformities such as cooties. Imagine a world without physical deformities. James Bond would have nothing he could do no way to defeat anyone. It is night now. That's why he has to stop it. No way to defeat anyone. It is not that, that's why he has to stop it. That leads me to my second of two serious points about this, after the space thing, and my second of two serious points here is, can we interpret this as a variation of the bond technique in which bond uses a henchman's disability in order to incapacitate someone else? It's an advanced move.

There. Absolutely does do that there. I'm just... He's like, ah, so you're saying that freaks like this would have to be executed. He plays like Final Card. He's the unstoppable exodia of exploit disability. Ah, so you're saying that you should like air lock these fucking dickheads. And, and Dr like just like well no

I I didn't I didn't really say that at all, but by this point. It's too late. Jaws has gone sick I'm like a thinking there's also Google be getting it yeah Go go is getting Percy. Yeah Because it's not good head shut off the radar jammer So back on earth everyone's like whoa, there's a fucking city up there and M's like And then Google is like, what, but also Google's getting laid.

Yeah. Go go is like, oh, I have to do is have sex with woman, there's problems, problems, problems. It's much like line back to the salt mines from early James Bond movie. You may remember. Yeah.

So much to the spirit of Anglo-Soviet cooperation, they're phoning up Google to be like, you have you seen the city in space? What the fuck? Sorry we woke you up and he's like, I was already awake, I'm just doing some work. And then it pulls back and he's in bed with another beautiful word. It's like,, yeah. It's deep in this. Yeah. Yeah. And of course, we have to get to like a for all mankind as thing of like we're gonna,

the US is gonna pack some Marines into a space shuttle and like storm the place. Because much like my earlier film Thunderbolt, right? Like at some point you just have to go, yeah, we're just gonna send Marines into this silly bullshit in order to like be, to have a battle scene. So they do lasers. Yeah. They turn off the anti-grave. And then they're all doing like zero-grave shit, which is completely flawlessly done. You couldn't tell, but it was definitely doesn't

look like everybody on the floor on one guy doing a handstand in the corner. He doesn't look like bad improv. Yeah, the Marines store in the place that they blow part of it up. Bond nearly gets a moogist. He nearly gets ejected into the cold vacuum of space. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things.

I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things.

I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. I hate these things. and dark gun and like, like, throws him into the airlock and eject him into the cold vacuum of space. Yeah, as sick as the like space station blows up, absolutely destroying some S tier pushing and dick and balls.

Minutes to say presumably all the Avacron B models are killed horribly. Yep. Yes. So two points. First of all, almost a good line as Bond kicks Drax out into space and Holly shows that Holly Goodhead shows up and says, Holly Goodhead. How much dress enough this woman's name is Holly Goodhead shows up and was like, where's Drax and Bond says some shit like, oh, he's taking one small leap, which I thought was he says he had to fly. Which is a terrible line. When he pushes, when he pushes tracks into the airlock, he says, take a giant leap for

mankind. That's not your better line. Why did she look like that? I, I, I used my first line on the guy I killed. You could just say the second one. You could say it again. I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to use my beat here line here. I would have been in a funny moment if he'd said it again because she wasn't there for

the first one. You could say it again. You missed this, but it was very funny. I said, why don't you take one small step for mankind? Like, your only witness to saying that line is dead. You could just say it again, man. Second thing. He has been a mogust.

As soon as the fight starts, the crew stops being a 50-50 gender split and becomes all dudes. Yep. Which means that this movie has, I think of any movie I've ever seen, the single highest female death rate, which is all minus two. It's it. Yeah, Manuela survives. And a Hollywood head to bottom. Manuela, Hollywood head and George's girlfriend, Dolly, are the only women who survive this movie out of like hundreds. Yeah.

So the Marines escape on their space shuttle. Bond and Hollywood head go chasing after the like nerve gas globes that have been launched into Earth's atmosphere, but they can't fucking undock. And so they have to like ask jaws to help them. And so we get this scene of jaws like uncorking champagne with Dolly in the exploding space station. And his one line in the series, he goes like, well, his to us. And then he undocks them. You get a scene where it seems like Roger Moore is genuinely respecting George first,

because he, he like leaves him on this space station is exploding and Holly Goodhead is like, is he gonna be okay? And from like, yeah, I'll give you the line. I'll give you the fucking line. Don't worry, they'll make it. Is there any 100 miles to earth? Bullshit, bullshit!

Bullshit, that fucking dead! No, they make it. They're fine. They're alive. It's jaws. You can't kill a cunt. Much, much like skydiving, you know, it's not the fall that kills you. It's not the distance. It's the sudden start. No, it's real. Yeah, exactly. Oh shit, it would have the fool that kills you. It's not the distance. It's the sudden stuff. No, it's reentry. Right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, shit, it would have been better if he died.

It would have been a nice sad bit of moment. Fuck me. Anyway, they fucking blazing the gloves and they save the day. To be fair, to be fair, they don't show them on screen again. They just sort of have an off-handed line that implies they're like landers. Yeah, we found them. We found them entirely dead in this wrecked capture.

We found a poor man and a blonde woman who survived. No capsule, they just fucking fell. Yeah, he's 50, I have a crummy and Fitch models died. The fashion industry is going to take months to recover. There is also a bit, right? What is the closing up and down the country? Oh, the price of him. There is a sky is, there is, there is also a bit, right? Of course, it doesn't close, it happened down the country. Oh, the price of him, but it's skyrocketing. Fuck.

Shit. When Bond has to like laser the globes, there's genuinely another fucking Star Wars moment because the auto-targeting thing breaks, needs to do it by hand. And it's fully just like, James, you've turned off your target and computer is everything all right. Yeah, and he pictures Q going devilish, haven't he? Yeah, no, he lays, he lays us the fucking thing. I've never done that so many other stuff.

Haven't heard that name in a long time. Now, yeah, they, they, they fucking return to earth. They de-orb it. Cugan gin. And, and there is, of course, a sex joke to end on, because they're fucking in zero gravity. And they turn, they, like, the mission control turn the cameras on them. They're like, we're beaming this life, the White House and Bucky and Palace. For some reason. Yeah. For some reason. For all the great powers of the world, also the UK. Yeah, well, we see Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead having sex and fucking one of them is like,

what's he doing? And because Q isn't looking at the screen, he's looking at the like telemetry, he goes, I think he's attempting reentry, sir, very funny. Thank you. I think that was good. I think he's attempting reentry with his penis and to have a giant. He gets the line of the movie there, Eric.

He really does deliver it well. Anyway, yeah, that's the fucking, that's the movie, that's Moon Raker. Our moons have been raked. Yeah, so. Baboon Raker. So going back and rewatching scenes, there were bits that really ruined my brain.

Um, largely it's like, remember the knife guy? Remember a lifetime. Yeah, over there. When I was a knife guy. And yeah, there's this woman that he meets in like the front office of a fucking Venetian glass blowing company dies in space. Who is that? About.

I'm still thinking about the fact that James Bond sharing the same continuity means that when the queen parachuted into the Olympic opening ceremony attached to James Bond, she had to have been like, oh, I've seen you having sex in space before. His, his, my closing thoughts before we get to our science-based analysis, which is, imagine fucking Daniel Craig's bond dealing with this. Imagine that you had, you got the whole way through this to the point that you're in the space. Imagine Daniel Craig's bond has to make this noise. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Roger more the entire way through and as soon as Drax is started to explain his plan,

while they are in space, just swap it out, push it like Daniel Craig. The fuck is he gonna do? Oh my god. Oh, I missed it. I missed a bit out in the battle scene, which is that like, as the sort of the lasers are going back and forth, we fully cut to like the cockpit of the Marine Space Shuttle, where there's two guys and one of them looks at the other and says it's try darking. Okay sure. Well you might be about to die. Try darking.

Oh my god. Oh my god. We should save that to be like the last thing you hear on the other side. Oh, well done. Yeah. And we didn't stress that enough. Every one of these marines is using a laser gun for the climactic fight. There's a zero G laser battle.

My notes say, looks like shit, sounds like shit, badly edited, ridiculous. Terrible, this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this.

I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. I don't know if you have a lot of people who are watching this. scientific, science-based rating system on this podcast to determine how bad a James Bond movie is. We have four categories. SMAM, cultural insertitivity, unprovoked violence, misogyny, the scum system. So, out of seven, what's the SMAM's movie like? And I want you to answer, bearing in mind this drop. Oh, woman.

No. That's the fucking, that's the Roger Moore noise to me. I think the smums pretty high. Oh, like you've seen a shark, cutery from across the room. And he's like, oh, woman.

69, you were expecting me. Just using my unused drops here. I think it's pretty high. The woman's stuff is good. Yeah, I think it's like a six or a seven. I think it's got to be a six to me. Yeah, pick a number six. Yeah, six or seven. All right. I see culture cultural incendent. Well, we can't stress enough. It is a racist. So how to give it a bit of a note.

I think absent the like, kendo guy absent sharp. Yeah, if you cut pretty low, it was quite normal. Unfortunately, you just had the guy trying to assassinate someone using a kendo sword. Can we say like a four? Maybe. He's like, he's just like, he's just saying no or even. I would say like, okay.

Ooh, okay. Right. Yeah. That's spicy, but I'll do a one. This is definitely the one where I go in the hardest to be like, this isn't racist. Yeah, it's not racist, Mr Bond. Okay, fine, but. We've made a lot of progress since

that Liv and Matt dies nine. Unprovoked violent. Sss. I've seen the greatest hymbeos of my generation. The stride. That's what James Bond. Wife down in a space station. That, imagine that arc.

Just going through, imagine I was a fucking generation ship. And the first thing, like the Golden Record, the aliens ever found of us was almost perfect and beautiful in those flowing casting. And James Bond. Oh, man. I mean, he does kind of like endanger everybody when he pushes the button and stops the station. Yeah.

Yeah, probably. I don't know. This is the one bond I was sent some resource by friend of the show, My Mother, which was just a list of the amount of people who died in each Bond movie, either by Bond or just in general, and this is by far the highest of the number of more eras. But this is the thing, it's not the highest. It's gotta be high, but the thing is, it feels weird because all of those deaths happen

more or less off screen, where previously we've been using unprovoked violence for stuff like, I don't know, doctin' no, if I can shoot a guy six times in the back, you know? Yeah. Or so that kind of, it's kind of Drax's fault. Mmm. Mmm. You're removing a lot of agency from the perfect himbo's here, but that's, that's true. Yeah, yeah.

Although to be fair, I think they do as a sign on to a eugenicist plan. I don't know how knowing they were. I don't know how we feel about a three or a four. What do you want to go on? I do four. I can see four. I can see my weight was a four. I think the surgery, it's going to be pretty high because we've got a woman.

We've got a woman. We've got the fact that like everyone just keeps shagging him for no reason. He's like weird non-sea remarks to the glazier lady. Yeah. It's really hard to get past. Oh, he breaks into a holly good head, so, Elra. The woman who can't read.

And also the one minute 55, Pussy Club record. I think it's gonna be a six or a seven, it's pretty high. Yeah, I think so. I'm willing to do like a six, I think. Sure, okay. Six. Now, where does that leave us in? Oh my goodness.

Well, that actually leaves us with a 17, which by bond standards is pretty low. It's equal to doctor know. It's the best of the Roger Muzz so far. It's the best one we've had in a while actually. Wow, surprisingly. I think that's because it has so little racism in it. Whereas the others have been like pulling in big scores on racism.

Whereas this one like But also inexplicably something must have gone wrong because we've rated it as better than spy who loved me Yeah, that's right It's more or less better, but a worse movie Because the thing that we love in every movie is racism and this didn't have enough for us Well, it's probably love me had a quite a low racism score, but here's a thing. It's all the good bits of the spy who love me and then also some other shit happens in that.

Yeah, the baboon. Yeah, of course, the baboon. Now, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, now. Do you have a nomination for the crime scene or is that? Well, first of all, the crime scene or is that a little something we like to award to the henchman that we feel has been most overlooked. Other than the one. So it's not going to be George. Well, above and beyond the call of duty in the performance of evil. And I feel that my answer is the pilot who is like, yeah, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna fire one shot into the altimeter of this plane and jump out of it and everything that happens after that is your problem.

I love that guy so much. That's not going above and beyond. He should have just shot James Bond if he's jumping out the plane anyway. No, because he's working. No, come on. That's clearly like there's somebody there who's like, no, you have to kill him in like exactly this way. To me, this is, I don't know. And who else is there? The coffin guy? I want to give it to the coffin guy so bad. He's inspired me so hard. He was, we barely knew the, get me a fucking idiot. He was the killing guy with like, revali playing over it in black people. Like, give me the in loving memoriam edit of the coffin. Okay, fine. You've

talked me around the coffin guy, the coffin guy, Unnamed character, the coffin guy wins or wins. Congratulations to Peter Coffin. I assume that's his name. And... Ah. Uh... Um... Now, the other award that we give out is...

Good night, Cross, which is the Cross-Duner O'Zet, but for characters that are not explicitly villainous. It's gotta go to the phone, it can't be! Yeah, we're in to four! I'm afraid so. Willem Dafoe, Good Night Cross. Willem Dafoe, thank you so much for your service to James Bond. Dye is Unlimited by anyone except us.

Just simply, simply dies and it's never brought up. So many novels, so many magazines that you could have enjoyed. I've never got a chance now. Oh my God. He's my dog in a wist. Somehow became a helicopter pilot. Somehow learned to fly a fucking rosary wing aircraft. I read a word.

Oh, fucking crazy. I did not learn how to drive a golf cart. Absolutely incredible. Fucking incredible. Incredible. So, kill James. Thank you for listening to Kill James Bond. We have a Patreon. You can give us money in order to achieve

the elevated status of getting a second bonus episode every fortnight. Yeah. We are the first podcast to invent doing that. And I think we don't bump up our bonuses. We don't advertise them hard enough. So just right here. We got bloody Dr. Eleanor Yanagah on the next bonus episode. Your face for it. Mrs. Agennyrini really. I

We are we are watching the name of the Rose. And a little bit drunker. It's fantastic. That's really we're going to record that. We're going to record that right after this. So give us your money and tune in and do your time. In the meantime, James Bond will return in for your eyes only. I never learned to read. Let's try dark.

Thank you for listening to yet another beautiful episode of Kill James Bond. If you are one of the many people who got extremely mad at us when we tweeted MoonRaker is bad, I hope that you enjoyed listening to his podcast and you now fully agree with our in two weeks time for your eyes only, with the wonderful, eFantastic Mia Mulder. But if that is simply too long for you to wait, you can head on down to our Patreon.com slashkilljamesbond. Where next week we have an episode starring the fantastic Dr. Illinois Ianagah, talking about the name of the roads. Now speaking of our beautiful patrons, this podcast wouldn't be what it is without our 15 pounds of earth patrons and those are George Rohak, Jack Holmes, paint McAlar,

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