Upstream - Episode 11.5: Name of The Rose [UNLOCKED]

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

KJB Presents: The Banquet of Forgiveness In this special Unlocked Bonus episode, we are joined by medieval historian Dr Eleanor Janega to discuss the Old Man Connery era film 'The Name of The Rose', a film loosely adapted from the book of the same name and set entirely within an abbey in europe. There's some monks or something and a surprising amount of straight up filmed noncery. Cool! You can find Dr Janega at https://twitter.com/GoingMedieval  support her at https://www.patreon.com/GoingMedieval and buy her (Extremely Good IMO) book at https://uk.bookshop.org/books/the-middle-ages-a-graphic-history/9781785785917   If you find this Bonus Content to be titillating, head on down to our reasonably priced Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond   *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Laughter is a devilish wind, which deforms the venumines of the face and makes men look like monkeys. Welcome to Bond Dylenderest, a Latin language sermon presented to a small selection of extremely submissive and breathable twinks and a remote European abbey. I am brother Devon. I'm a horrid little fucked up goblin creature. Nothing about my face looks right and it's clear that I was put together incorrectly by an uncaring and cruel God. That's right, I'm English, but also I'm a librarian in the aforementioned remote Abby. joining me as ever in charge of innovating new and increasingly fucked up haircuts happy hello I am a remote avi just just where did you come up with that new idea but in the bold spot there I would never have thought of that yeah and like blueing various bits to the front and sides. Yeah, it's like I just do whatever the fuck, you know. Truly a master at her craft. Also with me head

down in the library, hard at work translating various texts from unintelligible and boring dead languages such as English, Greek, Latin into the only language that matters Arabic, the Alice. Salamu Alaikum. Creeping islamization coming to the abbey. And what's this? Slamming the doors open, storming into the hall, clearly having imbibed heavily from the heretical decoction white claw, and quite rudely pointing out the inaccuracies with both my outfit, my working definition of the dark ages,

and everything that we've got going on here. It's historian, Dr. Eleanor Iyana-go. Hello. Um, I just, I can't improve on that. That's what am I supposed to do with this? You're starting too high, brother Devin. What am I supposed to go on here? You're starting too high, brother Devin. What am I meant to go on here? It's too good, it's too good.

Thank you for coming with us to discuss. I'm going on a show. I'm a pleasure. I'm trying to make the Thanos glove but with all of the trash future excited universe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just need hell of a way to die now. It's a big say glove.

Yeah. Which I don't think I'm gonna get It's hard Yeah, that's the hard to pick one for that Hmm, so hypothetically if I wanted to buy a book right now I've been looking at my my shelf right now, and I'm thinking shit Mm-hmm. There's room for a book on that bad boy And I bet that what you're saying to yourself is you were hoping obviously to have a book about medieval history,

but you're like, why aren't there any, oh, I don't know, graphics. Graphic design is my passion. And so luckily, into that void in your shelf, in your heart, you can put my new book, the Middle Ages, a graphic history, out on Icon in the UK, not yet in America and Australia, New Zealand, that's in September. But what if you've been working?

What if before reading it, I wanted to watch two hours and ten minutes of a film starring in Sean Connery? Well, you're in luck. Yeah, because they made an Amazon series of this recently. We did not watch that. We watched the 1986 movie, the name of the Rose. We are going back to back, old Connery, based on recording, since we did MoonRaker right before this. We're also going back to back Michael Lunddale, which is very cool.

It's London. It's back, baby. That's right. And yeah, no, we're having a great time. We're watching a two hour 20 minute movie about monks based on an Umberto Econoval. Now, I love Umberto Econ. I love Umberto echo, and I love umberto echo novels. One thing that I would not do to my worst enemy

in order to, like, curse them with madness, the likes of which the world has never seen, would be ask them to adapt it into a screenplay, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Umberto echo, very often very mystical, often like very interested in like conspiracy and secret knowledge and layers of meaning and like in particular in the novel that this is based off the name of the Rose, labyrinths. All of which adapt so fucking well to 24 frames per second of film stock.

And also just the idea of doing a post-modern detective novel where like spoilers like there isn't a mystery. It's just, it's pretty stupid. It's just a series of things happen, really. Yeah. There's a couple of scenes that just feel like they arrived from a different movie and they didn't really have anything to do with the plot ongoing or to be referred back to. My brain is still poisoned by rising sun, right? So we set out a stage in Tuscany, northern Italy in 1327. And as soon as this was laid out for me, knowing that Sean Connery was going to be in this movie, my brain immediately went in Italy, the Shempai call higher relations with Assume, whenever and also under younger monk walked together. Because we got a we got a we got a a Sempai, a master and a novice, a co-high.

We got a William of Bachelvill, a Franciscan friar, Sean Connery, who has been assigned a submissive and breathable boy wife. He has, adsor of milk, a novice played by an extremely young Christian Slater. Oh, I didn't even realize if you like if you like Christian Slater, saying the word master in a faintly questioning intonation, you are going to fucking jerk yourself raw to this movie. I don't appreciate you calling me out

quite that hard, but that's fine. Thank you. So we're in 14th century Italy and we go to this like Monty Pife and Ass, Abby. And, and, uh, Drax, the villain from MoonRaker is there. You will remember him from our episode on Moon Raker.

He's the guy who's Peter Dinklage if you click the top right hand corner and drag him up. So he's just like same size as everyone else. He is the abbot of this monastery. And Sean Conway, it's Sherlock Holmes Brackett's monk. Yes, Sherlock Holmes Brackett's monk has nominally been invited to this monastery

along with a bunch of other like, bunch of other important people in the church who will follow on later. Having successfully obliterated the planet supply of perfect 10 out of 10 dime-piece hymbeos in space, unfortunately, Drax has had to refer back to the young stock version of a hymbeo, which is of course a twink, and the most fucked up looking people you've ever seen in your goddamn life. That's right. The cast of American Horror Story Free Show.

Okay, that's like fucking no sparrot. It's wild how out of their way they go to make everyone look creepy as hell. It's like there are the twinks. You've got the twinks who are all hot. And there's there's three twinks, you know, several, you know, I like three twinks is called a KY. I don't know. I'm trying to come up. So it's something you're I don't call it a molecule. Yeah, exactly. If you're lucky. And then everyone else, but then there's like Sean Connery, we're who we've got in the daddy role. Yeah, so Sean Connery arrives to like this.

And now it's fucking God's fault. Yeah, for this theoretical, theological conference in Yarnum, basically. And what is like quite a deep and rich and nuanced novel about exactly the relationship of the church to truth and seeking after truth is kind of reduced to having a severe ax to grind against the one true Holy Roman Apostolic Catholic Church. Which is fine.

I'm all in favor of that, but the way in which they go about it is like a series of heavy-handed things about how Man, these guys are repulsive. So every other monk in this place besides short-connery Twinks and Hugo Drax is like in some way physically Deformed or like abnormal or like weirdly effeminate, which is interesting. They've got like fucked up tontures, they've got hunchbacks, they've got like facial deformities, stuff like that.

And from this, you were meant to go, man, this is kind of like, oh, no, no, no, don't know if I like these guys. This feels like kind of a hostile, threatening environment. Coming from a small west country town. And the Southwest Coast of England actually felt right at home. Yeah, this guy's all look very normal. But anyway, Connery rocks up to this happy with his twink.

And they say, oh, welcome. And Connery, we get a little character, a sabotaging moment where the twink needs to use the toilet. And Connery has done Sherlock Holmes magic to deduce where it is. But then, Drax, I'm gonna call him fucking Drax. And says that, oh, everyone's a bit kind of rattled at the moment because one of their young twink

femboy monks was found dead underneath a window that does not open below a roof onto which there is no access. So it's like a mocked window mystery. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's been a martyr. And unless Connery can solve it with his apparent like brain god logic powers, tracks might have to summon the inquisition, which I'm guessing is bad. It's because they call it the inquisition. Yeah, it's, it's an interesting one because the way that they are kind of yielding, like, wielding that Inquisition

and this is really interesting to me. And the Inquisition does exist in the 14th century. Like, the Inquisition pretty much came into being expressly to bully the Cathars. And so it was kind of brought out in the 12th century because they were like like it seems that these people are like too cool.

Women, frees. Yeah. Sounds like these guys are fucking someone we gotta go put a stop to that essentially. So um, they believe that you can become free of earthly sin. No, absolutely not. No, no, you fool. And so it does, the inquisition does exist at this juncture. It's also partially brought in when the Knights Templar gets taken down.

But it wasn't really the inquisition that did that. Specifically, that was the king of France that pulled that one. You know, he invites the inquisitionate and a lot of the time, like, you know, I have nothing good to say about the inquisition. Don't get me wrong. But a lot of the way that we relate to the Inquisition is like, oh, it's like the Church Cops and they're hiding under your bed and they're going to come and torture everyone. But usually the way that it works is that a crown somewhere summons the Church Cops.

So like in the case of like the Spanish Inquisition, for example, Ferdinand and Isabella were like, oh, please come church cop, everyone who isn't actually Christian. Now that I have the Reconquista kind of shit you do when you call yourself his most Catholic majesty. But yeah, it's a very like the way the Inquisition is in this, in this movie is like Catholic FBI, right? They, they, they show up in the windbreakers with Inquisition on the back and they take all of the files out of the fucking monastery.

Oh, they did my boy, F. Murray, Avery, him so wrong by making him be in the Inquisition. I was like, oh yeah, homeboys in this, where's he out? And then I was like, no, not Bernardo Gui. Like, she shakes this at sky. And they got an actual guy in. They sure did look up a name. They meet this nurse for our team looking at motherfucker.

This WingFemboy monk has been killed. A Delmo of a Tranto. And he is an illuminator. And William has heard of him because he's renowned for his irreverent marginally. He does amazing fan art. He does bits in the side, which is a common thing. He's always posting him to subreddit, which I mean, I'm assuming it's just Dicks all day long.

That's what it's under. That's what we see it later on. We see some of his, his, his furry fan art later on. But Sean Connery meets Nosperatu. Alice, please tell me you got the drop of this guy describing the dead monk. Oh my god, yes. There was something feminine, something diabolical Oh, the young one who died and the eyes of a girl. Yeah, and do you also have the one of the same guy saying among us? Fuck, I don't shit.

Okay. This is like, fully, this is the story of how a monastery tears itself apart in the quest for Twinkb busy, which is the moment. This description was so unhinged that I was having a really hard time finding the name of the Rose brackets 1986 to watch in the United Kingdom. When cannot pay to watch this movie, apparently. And so I was like, okay, screw it.

I found a version, NS by all. And I speak Spanish, so that's fine. And I got to that description and I was like, my Spanish is really rusty. I must be so wrong about this, like this cannot be, but I actually got sent. Ben Boisimo. So I went and then like eventually you like

a squirrel around for another hour, finally find an English version, get there. And I'm like, nope. No, he said that shit. No, but yeah, Spanish is fine. He meets Nuffa Rfaratu who simply tells him that he, him, bushy got me acting on life. So the thing is, this character's called

Ubatino and he's introduced, they enter this chapel and he's just lying on the fucking ground. Yeah, being devotional. Listen, in the middle ages, much as now, you could get away with any shit you wanted to do. So long as you sold it hard enough, it was like, I am doing this devotional. Yeah, I mean, that, that, that bit was like, that's actually believable. I'm like, yeah, sure, Fred's is going on the ground, why not? He's like, he's like, if his, he's, he

talks about how fucking hot a statue of the Virgin Mary is. He talks about the statues, breasts and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. We have like examples of like nuns trying to like climb crucifixes that are suspended in the air and kind of like dry hump them in like a real chill way that is just religious and pure. You know, like, you have an ex-year Saint Teresa moment, you know? You know? Yeah. So like, I don't like sure. His line is, when the female by nature so perverse becomes sublime by holiness, then she can be the noblest vehicle of grace, which great line. And also, listeners, I cannot stress enough how much everybody in this film, A, talks,

using lines like that, and B, talks in the kind of dark souls. If you try trying to like transliterate it, there would be a lot of ellipses. And it's like, again, the point of this movie is a guy hits you over the back of the head with a mallet with the church is a misogynist on it. And it's like, I'm not gonna argue the truth of that because obviously, but it's also not the entire truth

because there were women in the, I'm not gonna have things to say about that reading at the end. That one. I mean, the other thing that happens within this, you've got everyone either talking like a Dark Sells character or if you are one of the peasantry, you are an NPC that just speaks in kind of like grunts

and howls. It's just like, yeah. And there's something that I have for this, which is this movie treats different religious orders as RPG classes. So Franciscans are Jedi because they're nice and're nice and they like to talk in riddles, but also they're nice. The Dominicans are evil because Bernadette goes to Dominican. They have the black and white habit and they're very intense. And then Benedictines are perverse and depraved and love that he, him, bussy.

And then if you're not in any of those castellars, if you're just like a normal person, you're like an orc, you know, you don't like, you don't have the capacity for like language or anything. But anyway, which nose for R2, nose for R2 is like, oh shit, like everyone's worried about this murder because that like, oh, the devil stalks the Abbey. Conor, he doesn't believe in the devil because he has, he's the logic brains genius. So he goes, it does some Sherlock Holmes shit at the crime scene and he's like ah clearly this femboy jumped off a tower He committed suicide and he actually has the line elementary just to fucking hammer it in I read that in full capsule I know While they are looking and while he's doing the elementary shit

We see the monastery open a gate to like roll their food scraps down the hill into a peasant settlement that then can like pick at them. And I like. And I like. And peasant's like, I'm so lovely filth down here. Yeah. They get they get in a fist fight over the filth and adsorbed milk sees a beautiful filthy young woman

and is like, indiately attracted to her. She is filthy. She just remains filthy. The entire like, the meat is in her next scene. Oh, yeah. It's a good time on that one, though. Yeah, we're decisions all around, really. Also Abby, Alice, did you get a clip of the abba in this

next scene saying among us? I did not get a clip of the abba in this next scene saying among us. We will have to go back, find that, send that to Nate, and have Nate edit that in at a later time. Oh, he said before he hates doing that. Oh God bless them. Among us. Yes. Yeah, so William is like, yeah, no, it's a suicide. Don't worry about it. The devil is not in the monastery. And this kind of a laze everybody's fears for a second.

And they go to, I guess, Massens. And then in the middle of this, the some monks run in and grab the abut because that's been a murder like again. There's two fucking legs sticking out of a big, massive blood. Yeah, not fun. The fat of blood was supposed to be there.

Yeah, and I was kind of, I had been wondering what was going on and why there was this long gratuitous pig slaughtering scene where I was like, this is all a bit much for me. There was one extremely obvious reason which is that so it can cut from somebody mentions the inquisition and then it cuts to them cutting a pig open and I go again a face full of blood and you're just like, oh, Sustyl say. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Yeah. So they pull this guy out of the vat of pig's blood and it's vannancious who is another twink. He was a friend of the dead femboy. The one black guy. Mmm hmm. I mean, I was stoked at least they had a black guy and there I was like, well, at

least we have some accuracy. Fantastic. Love to see it. Although it's extremely like the Star Trek thing where you send the black guy on the mission and he gets iced immediately. Yeah, he's like a red shirt. Yeah. He's a he's a Greek translator and he's a Delmost friend, right? And they also note that he's got like this black stain on his finger and on his tongue. But before they can get to any conclusions from that, this old ass umberty, no, this old ass Nosferatuucker goes, prophecy, this is the fucking second seal because there's blood, it's like the book of Revelation. There's some kind of apocalyptic prophecy happening here,

and therefore we must all pray repentance and not think about this too hard. It's fine, fair enough. And you can interrupt me if you're wrong here. I wrote, this happens about once every 15 minutes. Yeah. I mean, it's really also hilarious to me because the way that it's presented in this movie is that either we're going to summon the inquisition

because those murders happening or we'll just go along with this like anti-Christ prophecy. The last days is happening. The devil is walking among us, which will apparently not incur the wrath of the church. And I'm here to tell you as someone who like specializes in anti-Christ prophecy in the 14th century. That's the thing where the church shows up. It is like, excuse me. Yeah, they have to come to be like, yeah, because what the thing that happens, if you're saying that Antichrist is going to show up and you start trying to do prophecy, when Antichrist doesn't show up, it makes the church look really fucking stupid.

Ah, of course. So they hate that. And it's like, you've got to get your language exactly right. And there are ways of distinguishing about it. We delineate between what we call antichrist language and antichrist accusations. So antichrist language would be saying, oh, well, these murders are kind of symptomatic of a generalized decline in society. And aren't we all sliding towards revelation? That would be fine. But it wouldn't be okay to say these things are happening because antichrist is here now. Yeah. And this is a result of that. He's coming on Tuesday because that makes you look at

too exactly right. So that what we are being sold here as like the way out of this that would be acceptable is actually the reason the inquisitors would show up ordinarily, they'd be like, none of this, absolutely not. So speaking of looking like a tool, it's time for... Yeah, it's time for Frank Pellman. High enough. Yeah, it was a guy discovered. Ron Pellman, who is wearing a shitson of like facial prostheses, it has a hunchback and talks like this. Lamonti is su prenos!

Dark souls, dark souls all the time. Robert Lynn having a great time. Yeah, great time. Fantastic actor. Speaking in tongues, switching between like French and Italian and Latin and Spanish and also saying this weird phrase, can it intensity which adds up of milk is like what that mean? So a couple of notes about Ron Pullman's character, Salvatore. The thing about this movie is that no one at the time of it being produced thought it

was going to do well. Sean Connery's career was at such a low point that when the Columbia features found out that the director had cast Sean Connery in this movie, they refused to finance it, because my man was in a birth spot. And furthermore, in order to get, in order to get funding for this movie, the director had purposely not written a lot of the movie's dialogue, because it all sounds like Dark Souls Guys. So when they started filming, he hadn't actually written any lines for Perlman to say, but Ron Perlman, because he's a guy of a brain, because the Don improv heard that.

This guy, not even improv, he prepped, he prepped for it. He found there's a line that says that character is speaking six languages at once, right? Latin, Italian, German, English, French. Perlman got copies of the original book in each of those languages and composed sentences by combining words from his lines in the book in each of those languages. Fuck. He's such a good actor.

That's when you go up and beyond and even if the film is shit, you get hired again because that's what people like. Hmm, absolutely. So he really sells this, like, sort of like, hunchback who is like communicating in, as William says, all languages and none. And William tells Adso that this phrase that he heard him use,

Penitentiagito, was the battle cry of a heretic sect called the Dossinians who were two antifa. They were two like they were two based. They were two based. They were the liberal idea of what antifa are. They're like the church, you know, Christ requires a vow of poverty, therefore the church should be poor. Therefore we should butcher everybody who has too much money. They were teaching critical rice theory, though, they were... Sounds pretty fucking good to me, as far as I'm concerned.

How accurate is that as a description? I mean, I absolutely love this made up thing. I think it was a basis hell. I would love to read more of their works. This would be a group I specialized in if they were about the shop. I mean, the closest thing that we see to this is, you know, Ian peasants or Vellians and stuff that will happen in the later 14th century, like the Jacquery really get good, they kill some noble people, which is extremely good in my opinion, although they all get killed for that.

So it's an interesting one because it's all the sort of thing that we would usually see in theology at the time. There are some groups of people. So for example, very notably, like the Cheltzsheetski portion of the Hussites who are based out of Taber. They go in for this stuff. They go really hard-comy. They go like pretty hardcore-comy, like vaguely there are some that get a little bit of atomite and

a little bit like free love at times, but you don't often see, you do see like from peasant movements and things like that, they'll be huge calls for the abolition of wealth. And there's a constant and grinding discussion about the church's wealth that goes on over and over again, you know, notably with the Franciscans. And then it crops up again in the 14th century with actually a bunch of people saying, I think you'll find the Franciscans are very wealthy now. What are we going to do about this? So that's always a topic of discussion. But my question really is, we see Salvatore, and he has also a protector, another monk, whose name is

Ramesia, who looks after him. He's the seller, he's the one he looks after the wines, but he looks after Salvatore too. To what extent is this like a tall plausible that you can like sort of Recan't to your heresy and like while keeping it secret just sort of blend in as a monk. I mean it's it is In theory possible because if you were a hair tick and you got away and nobody knows You could theoretically become a monk. Now having said that, generally to join a monastery, you can't just join a monastery,

right? Like all the peasants rolling around in the dirt outside the monastery of this. They can't just say, you know what, actually, it seems like you've got like three meals in a bed in there. Can I come too? That's not how it works in general. And in general, when you join a monastery, you have to come with some kind of gift. Be that money or some land that will come with you. It's especially true of what we call oblits, so all the twinks. If you come in and basically get pledged at like, you know, 10 or something like that, oftentimes your family will say, okay, well well here's enough money or land or something

that's gonna kind of make up for the fact that they can't work like an adult yet. So it basically means that most people who are in monasteries and nunneries, they come from wealthier backgrounds. So it would be possible even in later life to then join. And it's like, it's a popular way of retiring when you're rich too.

If you're like really fucking sick of your husband or wife, you'll both like retire to a monastery and notary respectively. And then just, you don't have to deal with each other. And that's not just one of them. It's both being like, well, see you later. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a really common.

They'll just be like, no, we're not, we're good. And then, you know, you could theoretically join in middle age. So the trouble is your man here is going to have to come up with like the money to get into the monastery and also bring his pet hunchback with him. Or whatever. So it would be possible, but where they're kind of like getting the money for that. And you know, she was, yeah, yeah. So I mean, maybe they're kind of like getting the money for that. And you know, she was, yeah, yeah. So I mean, maybe they just took it all from the bishop they killed,

in which case that makes sense. But it's like this sort of posits that anyone can just become a monk at any time. And that's really not the case. I mean, like in theory, yeah, it's possible, but in practice, it's like a rich people thing and there are set times in life that you ordinarily become one. So. So William like ruthlessly exploits that information that like, you know, you are a heretic, I can denounce you and, you know, I have you tortured to death. So therefore, if you don't give me what I want to know, I'll do that. And so what he learns from this is that

Delmo and Venantius, both of our dead twinks, had like been seen by Savitory talking in the graveyard in some apparent distress. He like files that one away, but meanwhile, as a... I think we skipped ahead here skipped ahead here because they Connery does some some Sherlock Holmes brain genius shit at the crime scene with a pig blood And he follows the footprints back to the library Oh, yeah, and he sees he sees what the femboy was working on and he's been drawing fucking furry shit Hmm and Connery has an argument with a monk about laughter and furry shit.

So it's worth mentioning the presence of a guy. There is brother, brother, baronger, who is this? He's in like perfectly white makeup. He's bold. He's a little on larger side. And he's just like scuttling around constantly. Long nails, very long nails. Oh, these nails though, homeboy. Extremely like he's got a pallor, William calls him moon faced. Like, awesome. Okay, no one in this film fucking looks normal. No, it makes normal, though. He especially looks abnormal and a large part of the abnormality is ephemeralcy specifically, which is very interesting, especially for a movie,

one of whose critiques of the church is, wow, you heard about this misogyny, is to then be like, yeah, but also though. But also is in that it's gross when dudes do it though. Yeah, I mean, let's be real. Let's be real. There's a bit where there's a, there's a mouse gets loose in the script or him and brother bear and go jumps up on a stool and screams. And I suspect that you are meant to be repulsed. Interesting.

Anyway, I just have a lot of the books are missing as well. Yeah, and specifically, Brother Beringar blocks him from seeing what Vainanjus was working on. He's like, oh, can I take a look at his desk and Brother Beringar was like, nope. Rips right in there in front of them. Mm-hmm. They come back at night though and Connery finds a secret message written in lemon juice from the friend of the femboy, which appears to be directions to something. But first, but first lemon juice. Adzo, Adzo, young Christian Slaser is about to risk it all. His first last and only taste of she-hurt pussy.

Yeah. So whilst Curry is like talking to Ron Pullman, the gibbering hunchback about the fanboy and his mate were in the stress and the whatever, the girl, the filthy girl from before comes in. It's not clear where she comes from or why she's there, but she is... She sneaks in through the like, sluice gate to trying like, either steal food or fuck monks for food. Yeah. But she is the horniest that anyone has ever been. That's true. That's true. She's basically feral and she jumps Christian Slater and takes his innocence. Yeah, like she just like just fucking goes for like this actress just so as much as Ron Perlman is committing to being a gibbering hunchback which is 120%. This girl is committing to being a horny. She's horny. She is basically unable to speak.

If she's an NPC. So horny. Yeah, she lacks in any intelligible language skills. She makes that for in little moans and just go in straight for the D. Yeah, right. So to the D. So I got a couple of points about this scene as well,

but I'm gonna put on my big non-shat because I have detected some non-serie occurring. First of all, Christian Slater in this scene is 15 years old. Second of all, the actor is the right. No, no, the actor is. Really? Oh, god, oh, no. No, no, the actor is really. Oh, okay. Oh, no, no. It's in years old. Just read it. The second thing, the actress who plays the dirty peasant girl Valentina Vargas was cast

because Slater did script reads with three potential women and he was so just like out of character completely smitten with the skill that she was selected above the others. Third point and here's where it gets non-sia. Sean Jack, I'm on the director, didn't give Valentina directions. He let her improvise the scene, but he didn't tell Christian what she would be doing. So as to, and I'm quoting directly here, elicit a more authentic performance from him. Be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be- titties. Yeah. Just right up in there and everyone is like, keep rolling, this is great. Also seeing some 15 year old ass as well, which not feeling comfortable about. Shut up.

What? Shut the fuck, I spoke. I'm not gonna have any uncomfortable. We were gonna have to report ourselves to the non-s detectives. I was already uncomfortable. I was like, this scene is gratuitous. I really didn't need this much of like,

came shagging her. I'm like a pure BbFC like film classification level. This is up there with fucking Salo. But like the actual artistic merit, there's a golf there, right? Yeah. This is the second old man cornering film in a row where we've just had like the two edges horn. Yeah.

In the last one, in Ryzen's son there was like explicit pussy, yeah, much video is yeah. Yeah, we still listen man from Hong Kong as well, whether it's just straight up titties on screen. Yeah, you movie. Well, see, you know, I love the titties, but yeah, that's I was betrayed his vow of chastity, which is really should be a big deal, right? It's what it's three rules, dude, that's three of them. And like, okay, we kind of accept that like at different points at different times for

different monks, the vow of chastity has been a joke. And that's one of the things that this movie gets into. But it's still a big deal for Adzo because he's like, you know, he's committed to it. And he's, yeah, he's young and idealistic. Yeah, he's just been jumped by this feral NPC girl. I kind of love the entire thing with her though, because it's actually like such the way

that a medieval monk would write about women. it's actually like such the way that a medieval monk would write about women. It's actually kind of perfect. Like this is the, oh yeah, you know, they are just mad horny. You just get in a room with them. They're putting your, their cloak up head straight in the titties, sex everywhere. You just can't put a stop to them. They're essentially like feral, unthinking, completely illogical, and mad horny, right?

It is what, especially monks who see themselves as being, you know, above peasants because of the class they are drawn from, the way that they would relate to women of lower status would be exactly this. So it's kind of hilarious because they're trying to be like church bad, the church is bad because of the way that it thinks about women. On the other hand, you know, mad horny, feral, peasant girls definitely exist and that's real, but it's good. And like that's the only way to do it. But church, I'm correct, but you shouldn't say it.

Yeah, for the words. But he's absolutely smitten by the pussy. And he's like,itten by the pussy. And he's like, she's twisted. He got him acting unwise. And like, he's like, hello unwise. Honoreuse N. Pai, have you ever been in love with the pussy? And he's like, no.

No. I've only been in love with Arashtol. I love that, I loved that though. I did appreciate the little bit where he's like, he asks Conor Ease to like be his confessor and Connery's like, well, aren't you just tell me first as a friend, which I kind of I like that, you know, knowing the seal of the confessional and the, you know, the confession as a sacrament is like a distinct thing. I appreciate that anyway. Yeah. So Connery, Connery, I'm going

to keep calling him Sean Connery, hekes into- He doesn't play anything else. No. He breaks into the scriptorium after dark to find this like, no, with some Greek characters and a hidden message written in invisible ink in lemon juice which he unveils, which is a zodiac code. It's got like the various signs of the zodiac and it's gonna unlock something.

But creepy brother baronja creeps his way in and like I guess fries to hit Conry with a hammer and then steals the book and his glasses. I don't think he tries to hit him. I think he just makes a noise. Oh yeah, he throws it across the room. So yeah, away from him because they're metal gear solid NPCs. And then just nips and whips that book right out. Oh, yeah, he has the book. Uh, and meanwhile, we're getting these sort of competing narratives where

William is like, no, everything's, it's not a prophecy, it's not an antichrist thing. Where, in Boutino, it's like, no, revelation. Next thing is going to be like water. There's going to be a guy found in some water. Yeah, so the long and short of it is, Connery explains everything to Drax and he says, so the the femboi furry artist wanted to read a forbidden book and the the effeminate keeper of the library was like, well, I will I will I will give you the book in exchange for sexual loot acts, which they did. And then the femboi killed

himself out of shame. And his friend who told him where the book was, he then read the book and then died question mark. So the keeper of the library moved his body into the pig's blood and then the keeper of the library read the forbidden book and then he also drowned in the bathtub. So Conor, we find him drowned in the bath book. It's an evil book. We read the book and you die. Yeah. It's kind of like the ring, but for a book.

Yeah. And all this is like, it's like, is this happening for like mystical reasons or is it happening for like, INTJ stair reasons? Are you brother, barangar, trading access to a book for sexual favors from a twink and you can directly cut this Nate if you don't want me to say it but I have a comment here from one Nate but they the only name of the rose comment is critical support for brother Barongar who looks like he's never seen the sun never left this gaming chair and is blasting through twinks like a Sherman through Georgia. This is the funniest collection of words I think I've ever read in my life.

But you can't take that out if you would rather it not. I would want that on my headstone personally, but you know, do you know? You know, the fucking gaming chair thing is so important. That's such a waste. The fucking gaming chair thing is so important. That's such a little surprise. Now, do you want to replace me on this, you're way funnier? Oh my God. Okay. So yeah, he drowns in the bath

brother Baron Jardos. And so this seems to vindicate over to you and I was like, antichrist thing, right? Like, that's the third seal is like in water. And the next one is gonna be Seal is his unattractive game and time. The first two it's twinks and then it's like the tracks are you're like oh I guess critical support but he like warns them that the next one is like scorpions and where he yeah, okay fine, but

Scorpions in one corner it tells all this the tracks and trackers. I already called the Inquisition I just got off the phone. They're already on the way I'm gonna burn that parchment though with the like secret code on it. Yeah, I forget forget this The Simone Monty-Buyth and shit. We're now halfway through the film and the crime has been solved Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The, uh, the Inquisition is coming in the person of a guy you know, Joel Connery, but not as gooey. You're, you're old adversary, an actual historical guy, but not as greedonous. That's right. Bishop of Ladev and Papal Inquisitor. He is going to show up and he's going to sort it all out.

But also, the other Franciscans are going to be there and the Papal delegates are going to be there. Some cardinals are going to be there for them to have this like scholastic debate. Which we don't yet know the subject of. No. No. But meanwhile, Connery and his novice, they go into a secret labyrinth where all the books are being hidden, and they briefly get lost, and then they then they don't.

Yeah, pretty much. It's so interesting to me because like, this whole, oh yeah, only there's only the two librarians, and they're the only ones allowed in a library, is just so incredibly against what Monastery Libraries were for, and the entire point of Monastery Libraries. And it's, I mean, the way I feel, it's like, so Sean Connery's character, when they get into the library,

that's how I feel about medieval books. I'm just like, books! Yeah, I said I just start having to flip out. It's genuinely adorable. How exciting. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, my note was I get like this in libraries. Yeah, and I just I feel that really deep down, but the entire point of monastic libraries was they did some incredible things in the medieval period. You know, like they're essentially the side of the Carolin G and Renaissance. They're the reason why we have so many classical texts in Europe actually,

is because monks were so obsessed with Aristotle and Jacketed about them all the time, like that's real. And they would copy these texts and share them around, and they were really all about moving texts around. So it's a weird one because I get that they need it for this plot point furtherids, but ever having the idea that like any monks would have access to some scripts and then they wouldn't want to share them. Like it's just, it's so beyond the actual pale of believability. It just doesn't make any sense. So I mean,

the thing is this, this, this like monastery within the movie is meant to be like, This monastery within the movie is meant to be, it sees itself only as a repository for texts. And so brother Georgi, the guy who argued with William in the script or him about laughter, is like, venerable Georgi. venerable Georgi, an old-ass blind-ass monk, is the point of the library is to recapitulate knowledge, not to create it. And he is, in particular, especially vexed about the Franciscans,

like tolerance for laughter and tolerance for humor. And they get into a sort of a little theological argument about this earlier, where Conory pulls up. Actually, a slightly more obscure one, a St. Maris being boiled alive, rather than a St. Lawrence, who would have been my first pick, but go off-kang. Anyway. Ron Perman is doing witchcraft. So yeah, we should probably flag just because it's somewhat plot-relevant. During that debate, Sean Conry flags up a book

by Aristotle, which is about the benefits of comedy. And because this movie... Aristotle's second poetics. And because this movie is directly about finding out what a book is, it's that one. It's the one that he mentions by name and gets a response from the guy from. Yeah, because it's believed to be lost. That's right, that's right. And indeed it is now, it is currently lost. But so then Ron Pullman is caught with the horny peasant girl and a black coccrol and a cat.

And that's a shitty inquisitor rise and they're like, oh shit, like witchcraft, we're going to burn the girl. So like having solved the crime and then like groped about for some sort of plot for 20 minutes. Now we're like, oh shit, the woman is in peril, like, okay, thank god we rediscovered the plot of a film. Oh shit, the woman is in peril. Like, okay, thank God we rediscovered the plot of a film. Just grabbing it, it's like fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, I had to shit. Oh shit.

This was like very funny to me because again, you know, with, yeah, the concept of witches, not so much in the medieval period. Like, I mean, it starts getting bigger in the kind of a very end of the 14th century and in the 15th century when you have the Malay's militant car, I'm come out and things like that. But like trying to blame women for magic and going after women specifically for magic is

a really early modern thing. Um, it's getting getting really in my Sylvia Federici about this and being like, yeah, this is, this is a way to attack women's like store of productive knowledge. Also, I'm a turf now for some reason. Yeah. Weirdly. Getting really in Silver Federici's business and then all her friends.

You know, what the fuck are you doing in our business? This is a single sex business. Get out. It's like also, again, one of these things where it would be more likely in these circumstances for them to go, yeah, the monk did it because there's lots of problems with monks trying to do magic all the time because they've got access to books. They're actually dangerous knowledge. That's one bit that rings true for me is like, that's like, to me, the so like, understandable reason for just like locking up a bunch of books in secret

is, you know, these are much like the Vatican secret archives with all the many of secret. But anyways, like, no, this is like, this is morally dangerous knowledge. It will like lead you to doubt if you are not careful. There's definitely, you know, cases where you'll see back and forth, especially with text about magic, where people will go, oh, well, should we keep these or not? Because you know, you shouldn't be trying to do necromancy. None of the monks are constantly trying to sign the dead to have a chat with them.

That's what they do for fun. Yeah. And then people will be like, well, yeah, you should get rid of them because necromancy's definitely bad. But then other people say, yeah, but it's like, it's knowledge and surely, it's something that you should know exists, but you shouldn't try to do it. And there'll be a lot of back and forth.

Sometimes we'll see, you know, spells and things like that are scribbled out in pages or like the whole thing's taken out and burnt. Sometimes we've got lots of it intact, but it would be more believable from a 14th century point of view. It's like, oh yeah, that weirdo monk that no one really likes was trying to do magic.

Everyone would go, yeah. So both Salvatore and- He's running up on take talk. He's he's he's hexing the moon. He's huge. And both Salvatore and the feral girl are going to be burned at a stake after having like confessions tortured from it's such a fucking easy job that Banada Guitars because he literally walks in and is like the first thing he sees is he goes

I was witchcraft all right we're done. So the mystery boys you pack it up burn them let's go. Yeah I'll be in the car. The other the other the other Franciscans arrive and they're all again they're Jedi right they're British and they're kind of pious and they're a little bit humorous. And they want the church to be poor. Debate time, baby. Debate 13. 18. 18.

The papal delegates arrive. It's like a bunch of cardinals complete with the light. Vouch. Um. Complete with the rule. Vouch. Sue. Absolutely.

Absolutely no subtlety of these these sort of corpulant, gout ridden cardinals being pushed up a hill by a bunch of filthy peasants. Yeah, they all look like corpus colossus from Manmatchery Road. And we get quite a sort of... The bullet, wow. We get a kind of a deft parody of scholasticism from Emberto Eco, not so much from the movie, which is the subject of the debate,

the ostensible subject is sort of unveiled with great pomp by this, by this cardinal who's wearing like his galaro the whole time. Um, and it's like did priced or did Christ not own the clothes that he wore, right? It's exactly the kind of thing that people make fun of scholastic philosophy for. It's literally like angels dancing on the head of a pin, that kind of thing. Oh, fuck. So someone's going to have started writing an email already and I just want to be very clear. Not Corpus Colossus,

that's the tiny guy and the thing. I meant the people later. Just backspace the email that you're about to send. It's the top of the account. It's fine, it's fine. I got it. I'm sorry. That was on me. No, but like the ostensible purpose of the debate is not the real purpose of the debate.

The real purpose of the debate is the church entitled to its riches. Is it correct that essentially like that the Franciscan should be crushed for heresy for suggesting like the poverty of the church? Yeah, so we are ostensibly having a debate, but actually it's about who is allowed to live, a tradition that Britain has carried on even into even into today. Are you saying that some of this might not be in good faith? No. But anyway, Jacob Rowling's there and she's like, look, the Franciscans are opening the door, like no, movement ever before, to bring to bring in all these sexual predators.

Of course, having this sort of like beautifully, wheels within wheels, sort of counterbalance and think about scholasticism, and about poverty, and about obedience, in the novel this turns into a shouting match. And not like, in a way that's interesting particularly. So like, you see the card and sort of shouting about how Jesus owned a purse, for instance. for instance. Fembo Jesus. That's right. Was it a purse or was it indeed some kind of, you know, satchel? That was more masculine and character.

Luckily for William, the monastic coroner, Medicholics, monk. I think he's nominally a herbalist, but like mostly what he does in this movie is autopsies, which is great. Comes into tell William that he's found the book that brother Baron Gartuk, which he stashed in his herbalarium,

her barium herbaine. Herbaria. Yes, thank you. How the fuck did he have that book? was, um, herbal, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, the assistant librarian. He's shown in the movie putting the book back. Don't worry about it. It's fine. It just ran out. He just reached right into the

plot hole and it was there. Okay. So that's how it works. He finds the evil book, but then like an unseen assailant brains in with a sculpture. He is killed strangely. brains him with a sculpture. He is killed strangely. Let's see. The Inclusion Inquisition Tribunal and the Inquisitor, he's putting on trial Ron Pilman, the gibbering hunchback, the horny peasant woman and a third monk who was also part of the Antifa division. Yeah, Remesio who was protecting Salvatore. All right, okay. And my notes say, everyone looks the same. It's hard to tell who's who. Because the thing is, when everyone in your movie looks like a freak,

then it's just still kind of blend into one. But I mean... Gureem makes the abbot and also William complicit in his verdict. And we see established earlier that like, to object to the verdict of the inquisitor is death. Yeah. Because it means you yourself a guilty of heresy. Yeah.

Not to watch. Good to see you now. Yeah. In any case, yeah. In any case, having tortured confessions out of them, Guitars to get Rameezio to also confess to the murders, which we know he didn't do. And there's this sort of actually quite well-done scene

where he's like, he tortures Rameezio into like a full confession. And Rameezio has his sort of moment of bravery in Marseille and he's like, yes, I was a Deltianite. All of you should be killed. I butcher all of you myself. But because he doesn't know anything about the murders, because he hasn't done any of them, he can't confess to them properly. So Goye has to like feed it to him.

He's like, why did you murder a monk? And he's like, I don't know. And so, gooey has to be like, where you possessed by the devil. And Ramiya, his credit like really gets into, he starts like foaming at the mouth and he was like, I am the devil. And I'm gonna kill all of you and it fucking rocks.

It was very good in my opinion and that's how kings go out really. Absolutely. Now knowing that it would be futile to object, but moral anyway, and also having established that his, like, his major sin, his weakness is his intellectual pride. William is like, yeah, no, I don't think he did the murders because I'm right.

He did all the other stuff, so I guess you have to burn him at the stake, I don't think he did the murders because I'm right. He did all the other stuff. So I guess you have to burn him at the stake. He didn't do the murders. And Connor says that will be more deaths. If you do that. That's right. That's right. And so, Gory is like, yeah, this guy's going back with me to Avignon and the Pope's going to sort it out by which we are. I'm not sure if you have any honest fantastic by which we are meant meant to understand that he will be tortured and then killed. Yeah, and while he's being escorted out

of the fucking court, on his way past the rest of his order, Conor is just like angry says, I'm right. That's cool. Which I do. It rocks. That is me leaving any argument. Yes. I'm right. He is a medium-proved right in the next scene. Yes, unfortunately. There's still under monastery arrest, which is like house arrest, but a monastery. So they get to go to vestibles or whatever.

Very different to just being in a monastery generally. Yeah, well, you're allowed to wander in and out all the time. So they're investors and then brother Malak here, the guy with the horizontal tonsha, the guy with the fucked hair cut. He's the librarian. He's his librarian collapses and dies in the middle of prayer. Again, with these strange black marks on his finger and on his tongue. And they use the confusion, add some, add some willing to use the confusion to escape, make their way back into the labyrinthine laboratory. Labyrinthinal laboratory. The labyrinthinal laboratory. That's how we're going to have to start designing it for all these goddamn genders. Am I right? Am I right?

Problem is the men are infading the labyrinthine lather touring. Harry Potter in the... And we find out what the book is. It's second poetics, Aristotle writing about comedy, lost work, so dangerous that it had to be kept secret. And this is what we call a little trolling. And particularly taken care of by venerable brother Georgie, the old ass dude, who has such like distaste for laughter, for like,

merriment that he has poisoned the pages of the book. So anyone who touches it, and like, for instance, licks their finger, will be killed. And this is what's been causing the deaths aside from the suicide, which was because of barren job being a fucking non-t. What I love about this is that for your man there, laughter or like the concept of, you know,

frivolity is worse than murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, yeah, I'm sure that I will not be like in tortured and hell for all eternity For having murdered several of my brothers Have you ever written in a quiet carriage of a train with somebody? I think he's entirely right Okay, I take it all back actually Yeah, so George is like his motivation is that when you're laughing, you aren't afraid,

but you have to be afraid of God at all times in order to be righteous and stuff like this. So obviously what I have done is I've poisoned the book that teaches you how to laugh. Good day. This is the plot. That's right. But fortunately William has got fucking gloves on. So he's not going to die of the poison and what he does very carefully and very smartly is he tells venerable George that he's wearing

gloves. So don't die and George goes oh shit grabs the book and leaves the room and like how to fuck are you how bad do you have to telegraph your moves that a blind man gets past you? Manoeuvred by an old blind motherfucker Bond has been brought solo that's all I can say you know So we just chase a little labyrinth for a bit. Please, he knocks every lamp, the labyrinth's burning down. The whole blind monkey eats the poison pages and fucking dies.

Meanwhile outside Ron Pellman has burned at a stake. That like sequence of him just stuffing pages into his mouth as how I'm supposed to. What? In what manner? I don't know. He's to date immediately. I don't know. You should date immediately. I don't know what kind of implications I'm making at any time, including this.

No, it is the first film to be filmed, to be fair for the honest. No, no, no. So like, Rob Coleman and Ramesh, you're burned at the stake, but as the fire... The presence of... You can't burn her, she's the horniest girl. She's like, that's our horny girl. We were using her. The fire breaks out in the tower of the library,

and the monks are like, oh shit, fuck. I mean, we're really weak. Immediately book it back to the monastery. Yeah, one time I began feeling things. I was all like, yeah. That was. Yeah, it really affected Sean Connolly as well. The burning that e-girl.

We're gonna simp for her. Can I help you, Queen? Can I get you down off the stakes? So the people of the, the Monty Python peasants rise. Pfft. And they save the e-girl. And then we think that Connery is dead and then he's not. But Bernardo, Bernardo Goui gets fucking owned. Yeah, he gets not. Yeah. But Bernardo GUI gets fucking owned.

Yeah. He gets iced. For the sins. The peasants iced Bernardo GUI by like knocking his carriage off of a cliff impaling him. Yeah. He lands on one of his like spike wheels that they use for torches, whatever. Fine.

Sure. It's a very subtle movie as the thing. Yeah, it's, if they have a lot of torches, what they would have done is had like an iron maiden land and him just like fall into it and it closed. That's the sort of level of metaphor that we're working on here. Mm.

Yeah. And I mean, put it this way, Benard, Benard Goode die at the age of like 80 in his palace. So. Yeah, as a bishop. So, you know, please don't go around like, I would think that this is real, real, you know.

So I mean, he must have survived. Must have survived that event. Yeah, he got better. Slayer. Willem has survived. Willem has like survived, he got better. Slava. William is alive. William has survived. He has made his way out. And William and Adse go to leave.

And he's presented with this choice of, do I leave with William or do I leave with my feral ego girlfriend? Yeah, makes the wrong fucking choice though. Unfortunately. No, no, no. He chooses knowledge over she, her. Yeah. And you know what? Fucking idiot. I'd be feeling real. I'd be feeling real jilted if I was the e-girl. I'd be like, that's a real bad idea.

That's a trouble. Prade for a miracle. And you learn all the knowledge on earth and you become the wisest man and all you learn from that is But actually you should have just gone with the ego. Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, what do you learn from watching the name of the Rose other than read book after you read on this book? I suppose that the major thing I learned is that people are way too willing to film non-serie Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we will we will now be turning in nature thing I learned is that people are way too willing to film non-serie. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we will we will now be turning in our hard drives. And ourselves to the inquisition.

Maybe that's why you can't watch it anywhere. Oh, fuck, maybe. Hey, shit, you know what we've told them. I've just got a text message. I've been made a member of the House of Lords as a result of watching this film. So, oh, well, there you go. Congratulations.

We've all become the same secretary now. Oh, it's well done, shit. So there's a couple of things we could say about this film. So like, having, well, you probably heard this. They have considered that femininity is gross, especially in man. Yeah, this is that. Moistainless. There's a couple of like period correct descriptions of homosexuality that's still like linger a bit. There's a bit where like they're all top-seeing baronga and

Conor says he was left-handed. And the fucking medical examiner says, brother, baronjell was inverted in many ways. I'm pretty sure that like the discourse of inversion around sexualities like a 20th century one. Yeah, that's so much. Also says like, Flash can be tempted towards nature or against nature. So like, fucking the like, feral peasant girl for, you know, ox hearts, that's towards nature. Blasting through twinks is against nature.

That's what you're saying. Voice-witch. Sure, especially because it makes you weird and gay. And like, I don't know, you have a giant moon face and nails are too long. So listeners, you probably heard that at some point we kind of like struggled to recap the plot because there's just like a bunch of things that happen and that's because the novel is like a deliberate post-modern subversion of detective novels.

So rather than have like fucking great. Yeah, rather than have the detective like slowly piece together, like what has happened, it turns out that like the first death was a suicide. The second one was like an accident as was the third. There's actually only one murder which which like on its own is quite a clever like thing to do with the detective film. Yes, cool. But at the same time, well, A, it doesn't make for a very good detective film, in my opinion.

And B, it's trying to do this thing about, like, oh, like religion and censoring knowledge versus, like, the free thinking brain logic genius detective Sean Connery. But like, those two goals don't go together, because the fact that it's just a series of random coincidences that he fails to really stop completely undercuts all the stuff about like, oh, you've got to be a free thinking logic genius. I mean, this is the thing, right? Let me put it this way. If you ever try to adapt Foucault's pendulum, I'm'm gonna come to your house and kill you in real life

Do not fucking do not also Instead of watching this watch Benadetta, which is like defter with it or just fucking read the book fucking read the book read the book Read the book film was a mistake. Why do I do a film podcast when I like books so much better than film? I really, really like the book and I think it's a good and fun and nice. And I mean, the trouble with the film is the film it kind of wants you to come out down on the side of the real bad guy was the church. And like the book doesn't really do that to be fair. So part of the thing with the book is that like,

and the movie just about gestures at this and then forgets it, right, is that like, umbertino's like prophecy is like another method of like spiritual inquiry. It's another way of intending to arrive at the truth. And it's one that the novel doesn't take a position on, whether it's better to do that or whether it's better to be a fucking like INTJ guy, to be like, I'm going to do logic to this, because they arrive at like different like answers,

but for like, laudable reasons. And it's not, I don't know, they literally put that character in a cart and get rid of him partway through and it's like, okay, you're not going to say anything about what that meat, no, okay, fine. Yeah, that's, Abby, you've just summed up my feeling about this entire film. Just, yeah, I kind of like it just because it's trash. It was more much than Rising Sun. I'll say that. I agree Abraham work. Yeah, I the Shempai cool high that a relationship. Everyone in this film has really thick accents and mumbles that lines. The film is really dark. It's also very quiet.

So like half the time I don't know where the fuck's going on. Rising sun was racist trash, but I understood the plot and I could tell what was happening in the scenes. It was almost like dream-like at point. So just sort of drifted from scene to scene and based on this film, I would not bother reading the novel. I'm like, I feel like I don't want to do this. You're completely...

They were bait, there were bits where, like, adsor of milk would just see like, the faces and the wall moving. Yeah. And it wasn't used for any actual like, like, sexual, like horror. It was just sort of like, wouldn't this be fucked up? Anyway.

It's a hunchback. No, it's not. It's like, again, I'm going to keep doing that in the book, but that's a thing. That's a half like thing. Like weeping statues, statues that seem to move on their own. These are things that the church at times has recognized as miraculous, right? And it's about how those things can also be horrifying and dreamlike and delusional sometimes. And like it's, it's an inquiry into like man's relationship to truth. And I really like the book.

I really, really like the book and you should read the book. I'm sure it's not a great adaptation. The film promised me detective Sean Connery invest to getting Femboy murder. And instead, he saw as a Femboy murder, 50 minutes in, there is no murder. And the rest of the film was just like, uh, uh, fuck, do you like it? Do you like Ron Pelleman? Do you like Hunt Facts, do you like this morning girl?

Do you want, oh, it's a killer book? And oh, it's not. And then there's an old blind man. Ah, fuck it, we're done. And that's it. Yeah, and also it made us all into non-sus because we had to watch the scene of like young Christian Slaces ass going off and down.

So, yeah, I'm right. Yeah. Cool. I got some closing thoughts here, which is, director Jean-Jacques-Arnard admitted to casting the ugliest actor he could find because he wanted the characters to appear, quote unquote, real, based on the men in his village where he lived.

When he returned to his village. Imagine if he went to school with that guy. Wow. When he returned to his village, some of them had asked him if he really considered them to be as ugly as the characters in this movie, to which he said yes. So, okay wait, King Shit though, actually. Actually. He does live in Europe, hard to say. Wow. He's friendly.

No, no. Also, he did, I mean, there was some non-shit in there. Yeah. I don't think anything balanced that out for me. No. It's really have a pretty side. Wait, it's funny because I watched this years ago, like years and years and years ago,

and I think it was with a bunch of other medievalists and we were getting quite drunk and being merry. And I had like these soft vibes towards it. I was like, oh, I like in the name of the Rose, that's good. And then I watched it again and I was like, wow, I must have been really rather drunk because I'm not enjoying this or is my brain simply just broken now because I'm too online. Is this like, you know, it's one of these age old questions, has it changed or have I?

But I feel the same way. Yeah, I feel the same way. I was kind of confusing my great like of the book for the movie. I don't know. I don't know, mate. I just, yeah. I've lost a little something in the rewatching of it because now I don't like it. Yeah, we've got to give brother Barron J. that Kronestein or is that?

Yeah, the other thing is, in the final moments, it's revealed that the narrator that you're hearing intimately was an older ador of milk and his final line is that while this girl was his only earthly love, you never learned her name and then... I never learned to read by any other name, hey, it wouldn't be nice to know. Her name was Rose. That's the moral name of the row. It's kind of like citizen came. It's like that's his rosebud. This is horny rose chick.

Cool. Well, yeah, it's that that's rather what the movie's like. You're like, well, that's the official kill James Bond review Another line from the IMTP just This is just on its own one sentence in the trivia and it just says hundreds of teenage boys were scouted before the production settled Then your pass the leaning please come to the white courtesy phone. Present, palma, pass-as-leony, please come. Missile. White courtesy phone.

I am ready. Well, thanks very much for listening to this incriminating podcast. That's right. If you want to buy a book about the Middle Ages and you wish that book had illustrations, then I would highly recommend that you buy it, Dr. El Nihana's book. Yeah, it's actually about the Middle Ages and not Umpertoeco's idea of the Middle Ages. So that is a book that I am actually looking forward to reading. Thank you, Abby. You know, please everybody buy this book because I just had to watch this movie and ruin my life. Now I'm a non-s. And if you still don't have enough Ellen Nianika in your

life, where can people find you? Where can people find your content? You can find my blog at going hyphenmedieval.com. I've also got a Patreon like everybody else, which is Patreon slash going medieval. My podcast is we're not so different where I talk about some medieval bullshit every week. And then there I am on Twitter at going medieval, you know. As many of those links as I remember will be in the description So just scroll on down. It's so many. I'm just I'm down here in the content mines every day I put on my hard hat

I grab my pickaxe and I make some stupid bullshit Thank you. Thank you for coming my just forget to put them in but my My God might be in the open just like, you know, I'll buy the book. That's all. Oh my God. So anyway, thank you for assembling this. Thank you for giving us your money and subscribing to our Patreon. We appreciate it. A great deal.

And we will be back with the next main line, James Bond episode for your eyes only. Oh, brother, brother, uh, call her Kelly. Let's get back to these readable twinks. Can I stress enough that they are over 18? Yeah, all the visa are eventually. I'm a superstar, pretty different. Rolled an up to vote. Thank you for listening to another episode of Kill James Bond. Links to everything to do with Dr. Lennoy and I will be in the description.

Maybe, let me know if I have forgotten to put those in. If you are listening to this on the free feed, then hello and welcome to the banquet of forgiveness, where for the month of July, both of our regularly scheduled bonus episodes will also be available for you, the unpaying and therefore more disgusting hogs. If once this month is done you find yourself horribly addicted to that sweet sweet bonus content you can head on over to patreon.com. or slash kill James Bond. And thank you very much to our brothers from the 15 pounds above order and those are George Roac, Jack Holmes, paint-machala, soul, Amanda Rugg, the Bobby Lagerstron, Nikki, Kentucky Fried Commie, Field Commissar, Gen-Gen, Jack Busshel, Amber DeGrazia, Larykins,

Tarp, underscore zero, Mothman, Timothy Pajorny, J Martin Del, Pete Snorrison, Trip, Big Titty Goth Girl, Richard Drum, Josh Simmons, David Wichner, and Rappner, Elizabeth Cox, Alfredo, Kin, U92, Rail, Leo Jonas Schwamburger, Zoe Shepard, James, Naman, and Robbie, Morgan, your names are carved into my heart. Hill James Bond will return next week for all your eyes only with the wonderful Mia Mulder and the week after for Cars 2. Cars 2. Cars 2. Ladies and gentlemen, Cars 2.

This has been Killjane's one starring Alice Abigail and Devon. A producer, as always, is Nate Bathay. Our podcast art is by Maddie Lepchanski. Our website is by the wonderful Tom Allen. See ya!