Upstream - Episode 15: View to a Kill

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

We have reached the finale of the Moore Years, the Moore Enigma Machine that goes Good movie/ Bad movie/ Good movie says that it should be good- and it's got fucking Grace Jones and Christopher Walken in it. Everything is in place for a fucking banger of a movie. Let's see how they do. We got our wonderful producer Nate on this one, you can find him on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/inthesedeserts and follow his podcast Hell of a Way to Die, a leftist millitary podcast by and for veterans at https://www.twitter.com/hellofaway Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

We got an email via the form submission on our website just a couple of days ago, and I did want to read this. This is from Cordell at Meat Data on Twitter. The subject is Cars 2 on Acid. Our grim findings. The message reads as follows. Hello, Alice, Abby, and Devin. Love you and your works all. your works all. I wanted to share with fellow travellers that I was

last night in a party of four who took a courageous 250 microgram dose of LSD before watching Cars 2. As a contrast, we've previously seen the colour out of space on acid, and that comes by its horror honestly. It creates dread without threat

and is not spiritually insidious. Cars 2 was full of genuine horrors that it were relentlessly and heartlessly light with and it did not examine. Its characters and predicaments are all the devisings of an abject gaze. Our eyes scrutinized

the whole of that intricate work. It is audaciously fucked and evil. Debasing, dishonoring to the soul, a vividly alluring, brutal world of grotesquery. Children got to see this! The otherwise had a delightful night, including Paddington 2,

food, and some nice wildlife encounters, so we're radicalised, but not totally hollowed out. Thanks again. Using drugs? Or steroids? steroids. Hello and welcome to Kill James Bond, the podcast where we talk about horse steroids and watching Cars 2 doing a large amount of psychoactive drugs. I am Alice Caldwell-Kelly, joining me, Devin, Abigail Abigail Thorne and special guest TV's Nate Bethea

hello thank you for having me it's our pleasure you only like produce all the episodes of our podcast and are friends with us Nate came down and knocked on the door and now he's like sitting at the back of the podcast with a clipboard to make sure that we're doing it right yeah just don't don't

you're our podcast's Ofsted inspector just don't don't don't pay any notice just here to make sure do try to use the sample about a man comes 007 man comes fuck you're gonna have to make me like scroll all the way any cost any no that's the one above it. A man comes. There we go. There it is. Perfect, there he is. We watched A View to a Kill, the last Roger Moore movie. We sure did.

Because unlike that old bastard Connery, Moore doesn't come back. He's like, you know what, I'm done, I'm out, I'm stopping it. Yeah, he pulls the plug after this one. done, I'm out, I'm stopping it. He pulls the plug after this one. And so this is, like, the last row of Bond, like, mid-80s Bond,

no less. And we begin in Russia? Russia? Because Roger Moore, I think there's something in his contract to say that he got paid by the skiing scene. Each one of these, he has a different ridiculous skiing outfit.

And this one is like an extremely broad, fur-collared white ensemble. It's amazing. I love it. Genuinely, the Bond series, especially the Roger Roger Moore ones is just a series of movies primarily about skiing yeah pretty much it's like a winter sports based series but now it's all skiing we open on a visage of skiing

communistically like just running around Soviet soldiers skiing in like a really like henchman way sort of like if you were watching Captain Planet like what the monster who wants to destroy the environment's guys would be doing. They'd just be running around really busily, but these guys are skiing. They have an adorable

communist little snowmobile. I was going to say communist snowmobile. My notes were where to cop. Right? It's this darling little bright orange snowmobile with a big red star on it. And it was like, ah, communism. As we see Bond, he has, I guess, invented a new nonce detector.

Because he is holding a little beeping gadget, we're not sure if it's meant to be like a Geiger counter or some kind of tracker or whatever but he he traces something using this this gadget's beeps to another dead double o agent who has been buried under the ice uh sadly this time he's not dressed as a clown i mean all double o agents are clowns but this one is is dressed like james bond is um and he takes out a little locket that the guy had, in which he had a little picture of his family, tosses the picture of his family, which I quite like, and there's a little microchip in there, which is the reason why he is there. But of course he does get noticed immediately, and then shot at by the entire Soviet army.

Yes. This is correct. It's a pretty good skeet chase. It is! It is. It's like, I mean, my notes here basically say it's great when there's somebody who is not Roger Moore doing the stunts. Everybody else, they're really having to film around Roger Moore here. He's not looking good, is the thing.

One of his skis gets broken, so he skis on one leg. And then at one point, it seems he transitions to some other object to ski on that I just wrote nonce snowboard in my notes. Yeah, so there's a jarring clash of tones where he steals a snowmobile that is then blown up, but he then steals part of the wreckage of the snowmobile and snowboards on it. And Dev and I, we watched this together.

We cheered when he did this because i stopped playing the beat yeah this is unaltered the exact sequence it's very loud so i do apologize for that but this is the exact sequence of of sound effects that you hear when he takes the snowboard off of the thing hits a couple of guys with it and snowboards away. Absolutely unintelligible. Do not adjust your James Bond film. This is an intentional use. I laughed

and I cheered when this happened. It would have been great to go from that into the title sequence but they do beach boys for about 30 seconds and then the movie changes gears and we go back to like that like stuff being blown up and it's like danger scene again it's it's really really odd it's good it's fucking class i mean it's my my thesis for this whole movie is that this is a bond film where he continually just starts showing up in different movies yeah pretty much he just keeps going through other things that were being filmed at the time i guess so like this is just this is an early incarnation of that it's just a very brief surf movie moment but he yeah he goes back to things being like genuine peril yeah he he he shoots down a helicopter with a flare and then yeah as

he's like being closed in on all sides a little hatch opens up on an iceberg and it has a union jack on the underside of the hatch and i repeat it oh you daft old bastard moment it's just like oh okay cool yeah fine uh it's a little submarine it's a little submarine it's got a sexy lady in it because of course it does goes in there there's a sexy lady he he does some sort of various things and then fucking obliterates the pussy clock record yep previous record from from Moonraker was 155. This time, my man Roger Moore, 58 years old, seals the deal in 52 seconds. This woman is not a character.

She is here to be like, I have completed my task. Sex reward please. And yeah, no, great. We don't see her again. We don't know who she is. But Vaughn's just fully done that Danish submarine murder shit on her

oh yeah no very very true and then we go straight to Duran Duran very true so I love this song my wife and I were listening to it the other day

and she made the point that if it weren't for the sample sort of sounding classic James Bond noises, you know, horn noises, stabs or whatever, it's just a Duran Duran song. It has no bearing on any other of the James Bond sort of sound canon, if you will. I don't know if you've ever seen the music video, but it recreates some of the scenes of the film, except a very low-budget green screen with the band members, Duran Duran, when it was a five-piece band, being chased around by what you might describe as a primitive UAV, which is just a VHS camcorder flying around following them. Hell yes.

It's so fucking good and just so of its time in a way they were like the biggest band in the world or at least they're certainly the biggest band in England at the time and so it's very funny that you know and sort of to make James Bond relevant and we'll get into this later you know as we discuss the plot it feels like they decided to make

what if Duran Duran wrote a song for what if James Bond did Police Academy slash the blues brothers yeah they yeah and that i think is very telling of the time in which it was made the song is a little bit more james bond related than some of the previous ones like at least this says of you to a kill more than once and as part of the chorus like the spy who loved me is a throwaway line this is the least the lyrics have had to do with james bond for a while uh which is i think it's a good thing given that the brief that like shirley bassey got was basically you have to say goldfinger and that he loves gold as many

times as possible she fucking did that though yeah, that is one thing you receive that information from the song Goldfinger. She also did a great job with the title sequence of Cats and Dogs 2. That's behind the paywall. This is why you should pay us to find out about Cats and Dogs 2. Yeah, which we'll be playing in its entirety in that episode.

So, alright, first scene. Bond goes to... This is the exact moment I found out that Grace Jones was in this movie, was when her name appeared in that title sequence, and I was like, holy shit! Let's go! Yes, for reasons I will get into later,

I will argue this is the most lesbian Bond movie. But Bond goes into the office, and Moneypenny is wearing a weird, like, sort of, like, formal dress. He's like, hmm, I think that's appropriate for the office. But the reason why is because they're going on, like, a works outing. Yeah, they are. They're going to the Royal Ascot. They're all dressed in morning dress.

Q is there dressed in the grey trousers and the frock coat and everything, and they're just like the officers going out to watch the races. And I just found this so charming. Yeah, it's like, it's daft, and he tries to flirt a bit with Money penny and by this point like roger moore is now so old you get the sense that he doesn't like wouldn't even know what to do so the effect is a bit like kenneth williams uh he's like you gotta realize for me not knowing the gradations of formal dress because i'm not from this country they're all in suits and then after they have the exchange where he talks about the microchip, he says,

you have 35 minutes to get properly dressed. And I'm sort of like, but he's in a suit. What the fuck do you mean? And then the next scene is them in pop hats and shit. I'm just like, is this real? Is England a real country? Yes, yes it is. So there is a level above black tie in the UK called

morning dress, which is for weddings and royal ascot intermediate between that and white it's it features a whole bunch of extra things that no one's ever heard of before outside of nonsense circles like hummer buns yeah uh tailcoat we either encounter when we're forced to read charles dickens in school or like when we're making fun of something that sounds british that's like a cummerbund is the kind of word we would use so yeah no no this is a real thing

I've been to weddings with a morning dress before so the actual like briefing scene is mercifully short Hugh has a little robot dog he has a Sony AIBO he's in front of K9 from Doctor Who yeah he also has a microchip

comparator to compare microchips. He does. CompareTheMicrochip.com Yeah, why don't you use the identigraph? And so he puts the microchip that Bond recovered into the microchip comparator to show that it's the same as another

microchip, which is resistant to EMP. You get a beautiful moment where it's the same as another microchip, which is resistant to EMP. You get a beautiful moment where it's the classic, so 007, what's the deal with this movie? 007, explain the plot of GoldenEye to us. And so Bond is like, yeah, no, if they set off a nuke in space, it would fry every electronic piece of equipment with a circuit in it, and that's why they developed, a British company

developed this thing. For some reason, he says his example of the thing that would be destroyed in an EMP is... A modern toaster. Okay. Yeah. Imagine a world... Oh no, there's been a nuclear attack! Now I can't get toast!

Imagine a world. No toasters there's been a nuclear attack. Now I can't get toast. Imagine a world, no toasters. In order to secure our modern toasters against nuclear attacks... This came out two years after Threads. Yeah. This is the biggest threat against breakfast. In order to protect our toasters, a British company has developed an EMP-proof circuit so you can get some toast while you're dying of radiation poisoning.

Absolutely. However, that company was sold to another company, an Anglo- French corporation called Zorin Industries. And since then, it has been stolen and that's how the Russians came by it. And so, the plot once

again is, 007, this company, named after a man, we suspect it's evil go and talk to that man oh my god you're right it's just Moonraker which requires him to go to a chalet and to propose

as someone who is looking to buy a racehorse maybe even the same chalet but do you catch what they say about Zoran because Bond says well it say about Zorin? Because Bond says, well, it could be Zorin. Yeah, no, I wrote this down. This guy, you know, he used to be from East Germany.

And then the Minister for Defence says, oh, no, Zorin is beyond reproach. He is a, quote, staunch anti-communist with influential friends in government. That's how you know he's good, is because he hates communists. That moment is when I knew that he was going to be revealed to be a communist.

He's been vouched for by our friend Mr. Philby, who says he's very reliable. So Q, M, Moneypenny, and Bond all go to the races together. They go to Royal Ascot together. It's quite nice. It's quite nice.

Like, we see Z zoran's horse come from nowhere in the last furlong to win um yeah his horse is called pegasus which is the flat out most unrealistic thing in a bond film so far yeah is being able to get that name for a fucking race what's also really funny to me at this point is Bond and M's surveillance technique is as you would imagine British spying is to stand wearing morning dress in the

members enclosure at Royal Ascot and turn 180 degrees with binoculars and turn those binoculars on Max Zorin who is a surprisingly young, twink-looking... Walken. It's Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken with bleach blonde hair, looking young as hell.

And good, quite good in this, I mean, let's be honest. Oh, honestly. Yeah. He's also, with him is Grace Jones, maybe his girlfriend, question mark? And the other unrealistic thing about this scene is, you have Grace Jones standing in a crowd, and none of them are looking at Grace Jones. Everybody is just like, oh, that's boring, you know, not interested in what's going on here. And so, M sort of briefs Bond on Zoran he's like no he came from east germany in the 60s he speaks five languages with no accent uh he's like a renowned east german defector who's shown

to be a kgb guy in this fucking series of movies captain of industry the. The first was... What was his name from... Kriegler. Kriegler, that's the one. Kriegler. So, of course... A bit of ideology. Speaking of ideology, we're not sure if this guy's evil or not, but the way we kind

of discern is we kind of think maybe he's been defiling the sanctity of royal ascots by cheating at racing horses. At this point I was like, microchips? Where have the microchips gone?

No, this is a horse-based plot from now on. The most evil British crime of all. The worst thing we can imagine happening. A horse. And that's it. That's the we can imagine happening. A horse. And that's it. That's the end of a sentence. A horse has been tampered with at the Royal Ascot, which is a crime

above capital punishment. That is the kind of thing that you would expect MI6 to investigate in real life. Oh, 100%. They're like, well, we don't know if he's evil or not. We do know a French pervert you can have a chat with. They keep changing the name of this character because it's like badly dubbed and what they end up

settling on calling him is Ahu Aubergine yes fantastic detective Aubergine of the Sauter yes how do we set up that we're in France really quickly? Devonass name.

Where's in France? Oh, baby. One of the major things that's in France. Well, one of the things is the Eiffel Tower. Racism? Oh, those are a second guess. Yeah. You have to imagine that even in, like, the 80s, the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower

was some tourist trap shit. And yet, Bond is like, yeah, now I'll just take him to the most luxurious place. the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower was some tourist trap shit and yet Bond is like yeah I'll just take him to the most luxurious place I'll meet this guy in the most luxurious place in Paris the Eiffel Tower no yes there's a weird

cabaret show with butterflies that are being operated by somebody with a fishing pole and then but shocker, the masked person operating the fishing pole butterflies gets punched out by another masked person, Grace Jones in ninja costume slash burka, however you want to interpret it,

who takes over the fishing line to deliver a fatal poison dose to the French pervert right after he's given Bond the crucial information and thus precipitating a chase on the perfect assassination weapon yeah absolutely

a butterfly on a fishing line excellent work 47 now make your way to an exit and And so she climbs up the Eiffel Tower, pursued by Bond, and she pulls what was, I guess, his trick

on him, because she just parachutes off the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, she base jumps off it, which I think you can do. Yeah. But isn't the Eiffel Tower just about the minimum height that you can jump from? They actually did it for this, and the thing is

they wanted to do two shoots so two jumps so they got all the footage they needed and the first one came off so well that they got everything they needed from it and a couple of their stuntmen who did not get to jump were so pissed at being excluded that they illegally jumped from the Eiffel Tower and got fired.

Because the legal costs from this totally outweighed the tax benefits from filming it in France. It's rock. I hate to say it. Ah, listen. They're rock. Ah, les hommes des rats So Bond jumps on an elevator

and rides that elevator to the street and then throws a guy out of his taxi in order to give chase and this guy Well, so he runs up to a taxi and he goes like, follow that parachute and the guy, who is a Frenchman, essentially goes

the equivalent of I'm on fucking break so he just tosses him straight out the car so he throws him out the car knocks him into some souvenir vendors steals the car and then the guy basically runs after him on foot watching him

smash things saying oh my car like five times oh my car like five times oh my notes say where is jw pepper why was he not in the back of that taxi being like oh i'm on holiday in france yeah and he really does say this way too long. They hold that for a while. I only clip part of it. He says it numerous times. And then Bond, as he's chasing the parachute, is crashing through traffic, going the wrong way

in and around the Eiffel Tower and that part of Paris. He decapitates the car, hitting some kind of barrier. He gets hit by things that split the car in half. By the end, he is driving half of a car where he's practically sitting on the street driving just with the front wheels. My notes say

is this a metaphor for impotence? And he is able to crash off a bridge to jump onto the same barge boat pleasure craft that Mayday has gotten onto. She's landed on. she has landed comes through the seal the glass ceiling of this boat lands in a wedding cake and the way that

they have filmed this i have a still which i posted in the group chat of whatever they whatever bond shaped objects they flung down onto this wedding oh it's fully just a fucking model easily it's also really funny because then he gets detained by French chefs with cleavers. Like, I don't know if you caught that, but they like detain him to arrest him. And they're all holding various sharp kitchen implements.

And then he has to get bailed out from the gendarme, basically. Sort of goes back to that line from Man of the Golden Gun, where M's listing the people that would want to have Bond killed, and he mentions... Yeah! Outrageous chefs! Here they are!

So Grace Jones escapes, and we see her and Zoran in the speedboat together, making good their escape. These two just love each other's company, which is just fantastic to see. They're vibing, it's good. Yeah, it's great. Genuinely, I'll come back to to this but i think the vibe that azoran and may they have is uh what a european couple on vacation ask if you want to swing and you're like shit maybe yes yes they won't even have the time to finish the second word in a sentence so m bale's bond out of france jail uh and yes we also see i guess we had met him earlier but this is not really important then we also see patrick mcneigh uh who is like mi6's

horse agent yep his name is free tibbet 009 he puts in a solid application for the Good Night Cross in this movie He really does I think I can get Bond into Zoran's Chateau Last occupied by a guy named Hugo Drax, but that's not important

He's holding like a horse stud event, like an auction and we can get Bond in under forced pretenses and the other thing is that sir godfrey is much posher than bond and so the the joke that you expect is like oh bond's gonna be his chauffeur but instead they swap roles and now sir godfrey tibbett is driving bond around bond is now james singen smith horrible oh my god i just realized something this is very funny and i wonder if this was a subconscious thing or if he did this deliberately

but uh when we did the trash future episode about sensitive tycoons like like a fake april fool's day podcast about tech influencers milo's extremely posh character was named james singen John Smith and so I'm kind of wondering if that was just like that's the poshest name that a human being can have so he just defaulted to that or if it was deliberately a reference to a Bond film Bond really plays up to this too and there's a bit later on where cause like he kind of

abuses Tibbett as like his valet Milo's in the room and he said that actually no it was just him riffing so basically it's the poshest name that can exist it's just the poshest name anyone could imagine Sinjin is like a very posh

what's really funny is that like later on in between breaks of being like berated for not carrying his luggage well enough and stuff, Sir Godfrey breaks cover and he's like, oh, do you have to be so mean when we're not undercover? And Bond goes,

the best cover becomes second nature. And I actually really like this idea that, like, of course Bond's best covers are being the most reprehensible cunts in the world. Oh, 100% I understand. He doesn't know shit about horses, but he can absolutely be rude to the world. 100% I understand. He doesn't know shit about horses, but he can absolutely be

rude to the hell. So they go to the chateau that, like, again, it may as well just be the one that Drax had in Moonraker, in like a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost, which is very nice. He asks where the

main stables are, and he gets pointed to a building that, if you had asked me, I would have said, that's a mansion. But that's main stables are and he gets pointed to a building that if you had asked me, I would have said, that's a mansion. But that's the stables. I was like, oh, fuck. I don't know shit. We meet a guy called Scarf Eye.

The difference between this chateau and Drax's is that all of Zoran's employees can read. Fantastic. Have I mentioned about me that I'm a lesbian? I've got some memory of this. Because, like, typically at this point, in the sort of general pattern of this

movie, this is where you would hire, like, a big, faintly foreign guy. What Zoran has done instead is to hire two absolute smoke shows in riding gear. Yep. Mmm. Welcome, sir. I'm Jenny Flex. Jenny Flex. Jenny Flex and Pan Ho. Jenny Flex, not so

a joke there. I feel quietly the sort of lesbian Winton kid of this movie. Because they're always together, and they're just thriving, you know, it's sweet. But for the moment... We meet a guy called Scarpain, who is like... Head of security.

Head of security, and he's sick of Bond's shit within about a minute. Yep. Because 007 doesn't know shit about horses but he's undercover at a stud farm and he's just like pointing at the horses being like that's a big horse right there isn't it pal and scampi is like yes sir I see that one's got four legs hey

fantastic some powerful hooves on that beast bloody hell. So we get a few more scenes of like, Bond being a cunt to Tibbet and like, making him seem put upon, making him carry the bags and stuff. And then, while Bond goes and schmoozes at Zoran's party, Tibbet breaks into the stables, and sees that a horse seems to have disappeared within its stall

in between him seeing it and him going in. And he sees this creepy-looking vet guy and is like, huh, that's interesting. Bond also discovers that Zoran has written a check to a sexy blonde lady

for $5 million. We don't find out what that's for yet, but we see that he's like paying somebody off. This movie does something quite clever because it keeps us pretty well distant from Zoran at this point. Like, as opposed to Moonraker, to which at this point, this is the same movie. The thing with Moonraker is Drax is like,

ah, Mr. Bond, this is my entire weird deal. Can I press you to a cucumber sandwich? Whereas at this point, we mostly see Zoran going in and out of rooms

and schmoozing and shit. We haven't seen him commit any crimes. We don't even know he's actually responsible for the microchip thing. That's just a hunch. He's quite slick about it. The effect is quite professional. When he first talks to him and he makes the joke about you know writing and sport and stuff like that and uh he says oh do you do you do fly fishing and it's sort of like a really ham-fisted reference

to the murder of the french pervert uh walk-in manages to pull it off that instead of being like oh you found my scheme he just uh he just basically gives him this look like yeah fuck you weird i don't want to deal with you and then he's like oh i'm sure the ladies will keep you entertained and just tells him to basically tell him to fuck off and i was like yeah that that that reminded me in a way of i don't know if you've seen the mission impossible movie where philip seymour hoffman plays the villain incredibly well but he has this just like murderous disdain for people and it comes through like it's instead of being like over the top circus clown kind of villain it's just like a guy who clearly like he the people that he doesn't need things from he's like i could fucking kill you and feel nothing and i feel like uh to a degree christopher

walken kind of pulls that off like he has that disdain of sort of like a i'm a rich twat i can do what i want yeah so bond bond tries to like sidle up and put the nonce moves on the woman that he saw getting the check, who he only knows from the check sign, who's S. Sutton. I did get a drop of him saying, I'm English. Which is his opening line. And she goes like, really, I couldn't tell. And he's like, oh, couldn't you?

And of course, Zoran immediately has mayday separate them and mayday is like uh bond bond's line is like no i'm disappointed i thought i was going to be having sex tonight uh and mayday's like yeah no don't worry about it you'll do fine uh to which bond tries his luck with grace jones yeah the threat that she pulls is that she will, I will take care of you personally later. And Bond is like, I'll take care of the end of my penis. Which is, again, a bold strat, honestly. But this whole sequence is genuinely James Bond

walking around a posho function, being the most a spy anyone has ever been. Everything he does, he is so not undercover. It's genuinely incredible. Everyone is onto him. He sneaks out of his room, which is, of course, being bugged. But they've set up like a tape recorder. is of course being bugged but they've set up like a tape recorder and

having donned what I can only describe as a sneaking tracksuit he and Tibbets find an underground horse laboratory yeah they do for um they go into the underground laboratory and like

there is just the shadow of a horse in a dark lab and it would genuinely is a little bit terrible they turn on the light and it's just a nice horse and godfrey tibber is generally just like patting the horse which i think is quite yeah yeah it's quite sweet but they do confirm that zorin is cheating at the royal ascotcot remote control horse. He has implanted a microchip in the horse, and then when he presses a button on his little morning dress cane, it

injects the horse with horse steroids and makes it go faster. Yes. You can also download up to 28,000 songs onto your horse. They're of course terrible at sneaking, and they get immediately discovered by a couple of guards.

Two guys arrive. Two guys arrive. They beat those two guys up, and Bond throws them into a packing machine. Because apparently they've got all the microchips. So, yeah, they pack them into a case of microchips because the horse farm also has the microchip factory somehow. Yes. Yeah. Also, my favorite a case of microchips because the horse farm also has the microchip factory somehow. Yes.

Yeah. Also, my favorite way to receive microchips, just loose in a wooden box. They hadn't fucking invented Lean Six Sigma yet, all right? In the 80s, you could have a microchip factory in your horse farm and people would be like, yeah, that's a great business. I'm at the microchip factory. I'm at the stud farm.

I'm at the combination. I'm at the combination microchip factory. I'm at the stud farm. I'm at the combination. I'm at the combination microchip factory. What's up? Great minds. We're in podcast sync. This is intercut with a scene that was made for me of Zorin and Mayday

having a fucking fight. It's a sex fight. This is them doing like foreplay right like this is their foreplay like them kicking the absolute shit out of each other in like is it a karate or like a judo

like a judo ring yeah they fight in the sex dojo and then he starts making the moves on her and they start, but then he's interrupted by security. Yes, I told you never to call me here. And then they tell him, oh, we found two guards unconscious. And fair play to Zorid. He's immediately like, all right, I will postpone my sex plans.

And also, I immediately know that this most obvious spy looking motherfucker clearly it is this man let's go to his room and see what see what's going on um and so he goes personally which i appreciate i appreciate a hands-on villain yeah yeah he he and may they go to singe and smith's room find he's not there. And I'm like, aha, I knew it. And at this point, Mayday puts it together that it's like, oh, wait a second. That's the guy from the Eiffel Tower as well. That's that's fucking she doesn't remember that he's James Bond, but he's like an agent. And then as as she is going to her own bedroom, there's James Bond.

This is genuinely incredible. Completely, well, presented to be nude, or at least in a state of undress, shirtless, in her bed. Nude, in the bed. And he goes, oh, I thought you said you were going to take care of me personally. And we get my favourite little exchange of this movie, which is, she glances, she looks back over to Zoran, and Zoran genuinely gives her a, shit, maybe.

Just like, yeah, all right, then. Fucking go on. I love their relationship so much. Yeah, all right, go on. Yeah, he shrugs and shakes his head. He's like, yeah, go for it. Why not? Right.

Why not? She just leaps right into it And doesn't say anything And Bond is just like I see you're a woman of few words And she says What's the line nothing to talk about Or nothing to discuss Grace Jones blows his back walls out Initiates sex

James Bond about to experience getting top For only the first time Best of luck, mate. So the next morning, Bond in the afterglow of having had sex with Grace fucking Jones goes to see Zoran

and Zoran, we should put it at the top here. This movie is a computer's movie. 100%. This is the point where they were like, holy shit, have you ever heard of Apple Macintosh? I find a computer's movie. Yeah, 100%. This is the point where they're like, holy shit, have you ever heard of Apple Macintosh? I find a computer indispensable. You can do everything you want on this piece of equipment.

So basically, through hidden cameras, Zorin takes pictures of Bond head-on and in profile and submits it to the computer. He gets identigraphed. Yeah, and the computer comes back. Basically, the picture slowly degrades into pixels as it's being uploaded like it's being turned into like a 16 color

Sierra game and then it comes back with his name his occupation highly dangerous certainly armed licensed to kill a big flash across the screen that says licensed to kill it's incredible it's really it's really good

because the entire way through Zoran is like talking to Bond like yeah we're just trying to find a horse that'll suit your needs and it's coming like flashing up on the screen Harry's a gun and he's going ooh he's got such like a ooh damn I love Zoran's

vibe so much so of course he's like such, like, a, ooh, damn. Yeah, I love Zoran's vibe so much. So, of course he's like, I have to kill this man. But I have to kill him in, like, my favourite weird way. So, like, for Drax, that would be hunting. For Zoran, it's horse racing. So, Bond sends Sir Godfrey Tibbett into town

in the Rolls Royce to go and, like, get a message to M. And he immediately falls for the most obvious trick in the book, right? The gates don't open. Mayday is there. He gets out to open the gates. Mayday opens the gates for him. And when he looks back, she's not there. And I wrote down in all caps, BACKSEAT, idiot. 100%. That's exactly what Abby said to me at the time.

Just turned straight up and was like vaccine vaccine vaccine she's in the vaccine so Godfrey invents this excuse like oh I've got to go and have the car washed in town I'll be back so that he can leave the compound but then he actually goes to the car wash first rather than

contacting them he like forgot it was a lie so he gets got in the fucking car wash he's followed there by the two lesbians also and again incredible look I was gonna say like they just basically stare him down with like

lesbian death glare as the I thought like when I first saw the scene I didn't realize that they were like oh we're gonna get him after I thought like they had done something to make this like a murder car wash and so when the rollers descended on the car that like it was going to explode or something because you knew like if you get stared at that menacingly by the two lesbian henchwomen like you are going to die like there is no escape no you get a genuinely quite like we're starting to learn cinematography which is fantastic you get a genuinely quite good

thing where the car is framed as a kid it made me scared of going through car washes by the car wash rollers and just as the last one comes down last second you see Mayday arrive from the back seat and just grab him and then the whole frame gets eclipsed by the car wash roller coming down and it was genuinely

very well done I'm sorry I disagree I thought that shot was absolutely fucking hilarious because it looks like he's being killed looks like he's being killed by the honey monster because it's just he's like big yeah okay he's like big fluffy things and i'm like this is not scary this is just a car wash my second point is that the the windscreen is a little bit too covered in water to actually see. Yeah, because I genuinely, I got to be honest with you, I was, I mean, I thought I was paying attention, but I didn't catch that there was the scuffle from the back. I just saw the rollers descending and the scary music.

I was like, well, you just don't come out of the lesbian car wash alive, I guess. No. I'm just giving them the benefit of the doubt here. I wish Grace Jones would strangle me to death. Anyway. You'd have to fucking get in line! Do you have the address of the lesbian car wash? We have to focus.

We have to focus at this point. So Bond has to like... Yeah, we gotta get through this shit. Yeah, yeah, okay. So Zoran puts Bond on like a dangerous horse named Inferno, which has the, um, the like, the ster- the horse steroids implanted in him already. It's got all his music on it. And he challenges him. He's like,

if you can stay on this steeplechase course with me and a bunch of other rough-looking dudes, then you can... I will give you my best horse. Genuinely the most henchman-looking asshole.

Can I throw this? This is very funny to me, because basically, he was like all right you know uh they're gonna ride with you for company or whatever and they immediately start doing henchman shit and i thought it was very funny because it was like the plan was so water tight that basically not only did he have like the booz kashi horseman to fucking knock the shit out of james bond but then like he also has these traps built in that he's activating with remote controls that just keep fucking up his henchmen and not Bond. And that's where we're thinking like, man, this must be the worst job if you work for

fucking Zoran. You have to be the horse guy who crashes on everything. And invariably, none of the henchmen attacks work. Bond fights them off. But in my notes, I wrote, on my signal, unleash horse because he pushes the button and the horse goes nuts, and they open up the gate for the horse to go nuts, and it goes running through the woods with Bond on it,

and then they arrive at the car, but unfortunately, Sir Godfrey has been snatched up, and it's Grace Jones behind the wheel with a gun. Yes. You get the most genuinely owned Bond has ever been by a villain since Doctor No. The thing about zoran is that he's a pimp right and i want to clarify that with this line which is one of my favorites

in the movie killing tibbett was a mistake i'm about to make the same mistake twice fucking cooked his ass and then bond says um if you kill me then my department will send someone else and zoran says if you're the best they have, it's more likely they'll try to cover up your embarrassing incompetence. It's incredible. Genuinely incredible. Oh, it just absolutely destroys Bond. They put Bond in the back of the car,

and there is the most classic Roger Moore oof when he gets hit in the back of the head. Oh, it's good. Yeah, there he is i kept feeling like various noises that robert roger moore makes in this come very close to the homophobic noise uh like there's there's a number of sounds that you're just like those are added in so that the viewer knows it's roger moore making them like as bond character but like there's just there's just this air of about him that because i haven't watched

it i mean i've seen i think i saw a couple of these as a kid i wasn't prepared for i've just been listening to you all discuss these episodes and kind of riff on them and some of the sound bites but like i wasn't prepared for just how like everything about him is genuinely it's wild i haven't been pulling any punches about this fucking guy. So they put the two of them in the back of the car, there's a shot of Tibbet and Bond unconscious or dead in the back of the car that is very much like smoking on that shit that killed James Bond, they push the Rolls-Royce into a lake... Oh, wasted car. What can you do? And then, in celebration, because they're kind of like, both Zoran and Mayday are tremendously

horny because of this. Yeah, hopefully. And so, like, the first thing that he does after pushing the car into the lake is to smell her glove again. Him. And so, as Bond wakes up underwater, they're just kind kind of like getting too horny to kill him and they just kind of leave yeah well they wait on him to emerge they can shoot him but bond realizes he can see through the water clearly enough that they're waiting so he uncaps one of the tires and

my my my notes were basically uh if i remember correctly my book is away from me my notes were basically if I remember correctly my book is away from me my notes were you wouldn't download a car and then it was sucking off a tire because yeah he basically huffs air out of the tire to stay awake underwater until they've walked away and then he is able to escape in the world of cars too he's now

common law married so now we get a character we all love. Our magnificent boy. First shot of this scene is extremely good. I'm not going to spend the time to explain it but it was just very well framed. I liked it.

Zoran is at the racetrack and we meet our boy General Gogol. He walks in and he goes, I'm the head of the K goes, and I went, yes! Also, I was like, damn, Gogol's bodyguard is hot. Like, the guy in the background.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you noticed it. I was like, what the fuck? Is it? And the reason why it's Dolph Lundgren is that he was dating Grace Jones at that point. Yeah! Fuck yes! What, bro! You've probably seen the photos of the most powerful couple in the world.

Oh, I've seen those photos maybe a hundred times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so because he was on set anyway with Grace Jones, the director was like, well, I need a big guy to be Gogol's bodyguard. Do you wanna, Dolph, do you do you want to lace him up for this movie? And he did. Dude's rock. You know, Dolph Lundgren

and Grace Jones actually had a secret love child, and that child was Devin. Thank you. I'll take that to the back. You're a KGB agent, and that means you've got to stop fucking around with this horse shit, because you're compromising our operations.

Yeah, he genuinely walks in and he's like, hey, remember the plot of the movie? Remember that you're a KGB agent? Zoran goes, ah, microchips, yeah. Ah, microchips. But also, I quit. I'm into this horse thing now. I don't work for the KGB and one of Gogol's

he's going reds to riches he's not going to be a billionaire as a cover he's just going to do it one of Gogol's guys, the non-Dolph Lundgren guy goes, well the KGB created you and we made you and without us you'd just be a weird biological freak of nature and made a KGB created you and we made you and without us you'd just be a weird biological

freak of nature and Mayday picks that guy up over her head. I was gonna say, I was like, I'm tired today, it's been a long day, but like I did recall a guy basically getting suplexed by Mayday. I didn't remember that wrong. Oh, he got completely picked up. Yeah, yeah. Fantastic. We should take this moment then

actually because we skipped over a extremely powerful guy. Which guy did we skipped over a extremely powerful guy which guy did we skip over the most unbelievably Nazi looking Nazi Q right I mentioned him earlier as the weird vet going in and out of the horrors

the weird Nazi vet Dr Karl Mortner with a monocle he looks like he looks like, one... He's got, like, a monocle. He looks like... Yeah, he looks like a Nazi, because he's a Nazi. He's a eugenicist, that's his deal. He, like, openly just tells Bond, yes, I have breed the horses

to make them into some master equine race. Like, it's that level. So because Gogol is very, very affable. Bond genuinely says to him something like, I suppose you could also use that on humans, if you considered, to which the fully Nazi scientist goes, yes. And then

he's like, do you get it? We're doing boys from Brazil shit. I'm going to be extremely mad in about five minutes about this guy, so I needed him set up. So Gogol is like, because he's the world's most affable man, is like,

no one ever leaves the KGB. We'll get you back. But in the meantime, understandable. Also, please stop suplexing my guys and leaves. Please put my guy down. Now at this point, we transition seamlessly

to what may be the best please touch this metal plate scene. Oh, it's so good. Oh, it's so good. It's actually so good. In the whole fucking franchise. So Zoran briefs a bunch of, like, international tycoons, right? And it's more or less a retread of the, like, gangsters thing from uh goldfinger even to the point of him having a little model on the table that he like brings up that he's very proud of but when he tells them okay i've got a plan and that plan is to destroy silicon valley so we can all get rich making microchips and the americans won't be able to compete with us one guy i wrote okay

he's based i'm on his side one guy goes yeah okay i don't want to do this okay i don't i'm not interested and so zoran's like okay fine do you mind stepping outside for like confidentiality reasons would you please touch your hand onto this he walks outside and he goes mayday will keep you entertained and she leaves and i'm like oh this is the deadest she gives him a little wink too which is just like perfect they walk out and Mayday says this way please and he walks down a little flight of stairs and then Mayday presses a button

and the floor opens up and it's revealed that we're on a fucking blimp with Zorin's name on it and this guy just goes Oh! We're on a fucking dirigible! They drop him out of a dirigible into San Francisco Bay. It's great.

Yes. Oh no, sorry. Fuck. The line isn't Mayday will take care of you. It's Mayday will get you a drink. And then he says, does anyone else want to drop out? A bit that only he understands sorry no it's it's no i noticed that too i was like see that's the bond moment when they have to have the really the sly pun in there on top of like the villain doing villain shit but one thing that i thought was really funny was maybe instinctively that guy asian american guy who says no i don't want to

be part of it he's almost next to Grace Jones, I think, or in the crowd clapping at Roy Alaska. And when I saw him, I was like, oh, that dude's dead. That's a henchman. He's so fucking dead. And so the fact that then he does in fact die getting thrown out of a fucking blimp. Yeah, I was like, oh, you know what? Maybe my read on Bond movies is okay.

Well, we don't know what the plan is yet. We know he's going to destroy Silicon Valley, but we don't know whether he means literally or metaphorically or like we have something to get through first which is mayday and zara come to the cockpit of the blimp and guess what the title of this movie is what have you to a kill that's the name of the movie that we're watching such a non that was the thing that I thought too that's not even a bad line

her saying what of you but him saying that like you just said Alice it's a Bond movie they have to fucking hit you at this point James Bond has not been in the James Bond movie for about 15 minutes.

Yeah, which is why I've been enjoying it so far. My notes from this moment says this movie owns. Yeah, we know broadly what the plan is, which is destroy Silicon Valley to make microchips. But mostly we've just been hanging out with Max Zorin. And the only misstep so far

is him basically saying that's shabby. 100%. So we meet Bond again. We have to fucking go back to our guy. And he... He's in San Francisco. He's on the docks. He goes to a fresh seafood

go right ahead. There's a lot of this movie in San Francisco. And the reason why is that mayor of San Francisco at that point, Dianne Feinstein, wanted to fuck Roger Moore. Nilsson, because Dianne Feinstein wanted to fuck Roger Moore, she gave this production every possible permit, every filming location, and every tax abatement she could give them. Get him, queen!

Cougar shit! It may be libelous of me to say that I assume that in order to get this movie made, they had to make Roger Moore have sex with Dianne Feinstein. But I believe that's what had to happen for this movie. One of the people involved... I mean, you better hope that he was good. I don't know if that's libelous

because one of them's dead and the other is like fucking senescent. So I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon. I reckon we could say it. I mean, yeah. I think it's fair.

Don't get the legal counsel on this. Yeah, I think we can intuit from the information that we've been provided that Roger Moore was Diane Feinstein's don't get the legal counsel on this yeah i think i think we can intuit from the information that we've been provided that roger moore was diane feinstein's favorite bond she made a lot of like things very easy for them because she would like roger moore a lot yeah no 100 well she only had three to choose from at that point and she did choose wrong admittedly but he was 58 he was 58 during the filming bond meets a cia agent uh called lee a suitably insecure code phrase which was to approach a fucking seafood stand and go yes i'd

like the soft shelled crab which is a thing that they could conceivably sell. We have to, like, tick off another big, like, bond tick box here, which is weird fisherman-related intrigue. Like, this is taking us all the way back to, like, Doctor No and Thunderball, where Lee, like, takes him to, like, a crab fisherman, who's like, oh, the crabs are all

fucked, because of fucking Max Zoran's pumping station for oil. I'm not sure what accent I was trying to do there. No, because we get a fucking line. We get a line from CIA agent Lee about the fucking Nazi doctor where he genuinely complains

that Russia provided amnesty for a Nazi scientist after World War II. We've got a fucking CIA guy straight up going, bloody Russians onboarded this Nazi after World War II we've got a fucking CIA guy straight up going bloody Russians onboarded this Nazi after World War II disgraceful

and I'm like are you fucking with me are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me so Horsky in the camps his deal was like trying to enhance intelligence by injecting people with... Posteroids.

And the result was that it created a number of, I guess, like boys from Brazil, like extremely blonde, extremely intelligent Nazi children who were also psychopaths. And obviously, one of those is Max Zorin. Yes. And so, the reason why Max Zorin defected from the East is the Soviets took this Nazi eugenicist,

used his horse steroid expertise for their Olympic program, and then... Yeah, unfortunately, i have to compete under the athletes from russia or buggers they uh yeah they they created a number of these like boys from brazil and then sent one of them west as like a sleeper agent um so interesting a lot of ideology going on it was such an ideology line that i had to pause the movie sarin has a nazi super brain that's he's got a nazi super brain he's also got an oil pumping

station he does yes he's also and he's got an oil pumping station uh which bond scoob is into he almost gets minced up by an underwater fan and simultaneously the russians are also infiltrating it um and uh they catch the russian agent and he gets thrown into the underwater fan. Simultaneously the Russians are also infiltrating it and they catch the Russian agent and he gets thrown into the underwater fan and chopped up into grist. That's quite a narrowing shot. But Bond comes back to shore and finds another one of

the Russian agents who has escaped and it's a sexy lady. Yeah. This is where the film starts meandering and just adding five or ten minute bits that don't need to be this is the moment at which if you're watching this movie you can stop watching the movie and skip about 50 minutes ahead yeah this is the point where he just starts going through various other movies yes yeah we're killing time here the thing about the russian guy getting

thrown into the the sort of man blender is that it's quite a good shot although not because they've progressed past the point of filming these scenes by like throwing a dummy at something and filming it but because they've gotten good at filming the dummy so it's not immediately like they're still using the same techniques they use in Doctor No, but they've just advanced in cinematography. Yeah. So Bond, I really wanted Agent XXX back then. I know, I wrote this down. If only there was a Russian agent that Bond had history with. Yeah, and this Cold War stuff is always almost good.

So you get this kind of fun thing of sexy Russian agents and Bond having history and also like sort of mutually uh betraying each other in a kind of like affable no hard feelings way they go to like a japanese bathhouse i guess because they have to do some some like weird non-shit and bond uh like takes the recording the tape recording that she had made of Zarin explaining his plan a little bit more, and switches it, so when she tries to run out on him, Go-Go comes and picks her up like her dad, which I really appreciate. It was really good, yeah.

He's just personally doing it, the head of the fucking KGB. What's also great is there's- Yeah, he's like, text me when you get to Kalatin, and I'll come pick you up. There's a shot a shot of gogo in the car waiting for her and that's not fucking gogo and then the next the next shot it's gogo it's great uh did not bother to change that um yeah so so they they you know try to double cross him and they're left with the tape of the like uh japanese spa music entirely japanese at this, we still don't know what Zorin's on. No fucking idea. So James goes to

City Hall, San Francisco to talk to a guy. Yeah, how did he get the permits to film in there? Impossible to know. He goes to talk to a guy about Zorin. He's pretending to be a fucking journalist. A Times reporter called James

Stock, yes James Stock yeah man, James Stock's fucking not sweating he's this kind of bureaucrat who explains to him, it's called fracking bond, and this bureaucrat just sort of lies to him to his face, he's like

oh yeah of course, what he was doing there, he was injecting seawater into his oil wells which is a totally normal thing to do uh it's actually safe it's insanely safe because james goes there to to go like hey did you know that this guy's pumping seawater into his oil well yeah yeah it's sick and cool whatever exactly the extremely paid off politician is just like yeah yeah it's sick luckily bond sees a woman and of course immediately follows he genuinely enters nonce mode and there's like a fucking musical cue when he starts following her there's like a wide shot of her going down a staircase with a bunch of other people there, and you see him also join

that crowd of people going down the staircase, and there is a genuine musical cue to indicate that nonce mode has begun. In fairness, this is the woman whom he saw get the check from Zoran, but because everybody in the 80s who wasn't a lesbian or Grace Jones had this

fucking Farrah Fawcett-ass haircut that genuinely hard pressed to tell them apart is the thing most genuinely like damaged hair i think i've seen yeah it's all feathered and shit and so like the the way that it looks if you're half paying attention which is the only way to watch any bond movie is bond laser locks in on the nearest woman, follows her out of work, into her car, follows her home, like drives two car lengths behind on her commute home, waits until she gets home,

breaks in by unlocking one of her windows, and tries to enter her bathroom while she's taking a shower. This is Man from the Golden Gun. But she gets the drop on him! This is genuinely my. This is Man from the Golden Gun. But she gets the drop on him. This is genuinely my comment from the Man from the Golden Gun again, which is like, this is his favourite part of doing spy work. Oh, a woman's in the shower.

Time for me to arrive. But at this point. But she fakes him out. At this point, we're used to that. She's seen the film Golden Man with the Finger. And she's seen all of the... She's listened to this podcast. So he sees her in the shower,

or he thinks he hears her in the shower. He activates nonce mode and he goes in. And then she emerges from behind the door with a fucking shotgun and is like, put your hands up. I've been listening to Kill James Bond. Get out of my house. That's the sort of benefits

that listening to Kill James Bond will get you. That's right. Exactly. that listening to Kill James Bond will get you. That's right. Exactly. She tries to call the cops, and she's like, I bet you even cut the phone line too, you massive English nonce. And Bond's like, I didn't do that. I'm just a little boy. And I'm just a little birthday boy.

I'm just a little birthday boy. I just wanted a shower and so at this point Zoran's goons storm the house and Bond just like effortlessly takes the shotgun from her pushes her

across the room and shoots a couple yeah he just goes into full Robert Rodriguez movie mode just blasting people left and right with the shotgun and then realizes she's loaded it with rock salt. So all it does is just kind of annoy them and give them a couple of scabs. Yeah, I always wondered about this when I saw this as a kid,

whether you could actually load a shotgun with salt, if that would do anything. You can't just pour it in, but it's a kind of animation. You can have shotgun shells loaded with salt or with, you know, like, I mean, everything. The shotguns are weird in that yeah like you said salt

rounds little pepper balls or like a whole fucking metal slug if you really want to so yeah but basically he chases them off by non-fatally beating their asses and shooting them with non-fatal rounds they go the fight moves downstairs where there

is exactly one thing in the entire house which is vase. Which is a vase, an urn, that kind of thing. I'm genuinely being serious here, audience. It's a fully empty Bond's house. Milo walked in, me watching the movie and was like, oh, I'd love to live in a huge empty house. And I was just like, yeah.

Well, they do explain this. Yeah, they do explain it. Because she's like, oh yeah, I don't have any food or any furniture. And Bond's like, oh, I'll make you the worst quiche you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. That's like a romantic gesture. She smashes, throughout the fight,

Bond is trying to avoid breaking the vase, but she finishes it off by smashing it on one of the assailant's heads. So Bond makes her the worst quiche you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, and we miss a trick here severely because bond cooks for her and then we have the shot of the two of them conversing while they're sat down eating the quiche and like you got to imagine the process of

creating and cooking a quiche is several fucking hours yeah they could have done this entire conversation while he was cooking and it would have made him a more sympathetic character. Yeah, they didn't! You just sit there in silence while I make this horrible quiche. And she explains that her dad owned an oil company, Sutton Oil, and Zoran tried to buy them out, by force. And she tried to fight it through the courts, and in so doing, lost all her money, all her furniture, all her

clothes and shit, and finally Zoran was about to buy her off with this $5 million check, which is way more than the shares are worth. At this point, Abigail turned to me and said, finding it hard to feel sympathetic towards the

oil heiress yeah towards the woman who inherited an oil company it's like come on fuck you then she she tears up the check because like bond has inspired her to well she has a job that's why she got this job she like got a job on the side at City Hall, to, like, tide her through her oil company. Owning things isn't a job! No, no, she was like a geologist, is the thing. I know, she did get a real job. But she can't just do that, she also has to have an oil company. Whatever. Anyway. Now, at this point, this is traditionally where Bond would, under false pretenses and using a false name, have sex with this woman. Unfortunately, he is using a false name.

But he does not have sex with her. Your daft old sweet bastard falls asleep in a rocking chair. Genuinely is quite nice. It's just a thing. That's quite nice. They're going to ruin it later

by making them have sex later. But for now, this is just like, I realise I'm too old to be having sex with you. He goes to check on some things, he reconnects the phone line and she is asleep in bed and he goes, well, I'm not going to disturb that.

And he falls asleep, sat on a chair with the shotgun across his lap, which is quite nice. Strong must protect the sweet. Her name is Stacey, by the way. She is blonde, and she is American, so therefore two thumbs way up. Sorry, you're going to have to

deal with that. In the morning, there's been a minor tremor overnight, which possibly triggered by Zarin's crack. She fully is just like, I've got a computer here. And she's like, it's a little Apple II on a bedside table.

It's got like no go and everything. She immediately pulls up the seismic shock, like seismograph and locates where it is. And yeah, I was like, damn, I didn't realize those old computers I saw in the basically school computer lab junkyard in the 90s were so powerful. Bond brings Agent Lee to the house

and he has to go two for two on getting his accomplices killed. Genuinely, at this moment, I was thinking... He does the same move twice. In a while since we've seen Mayday. I was genuinely thinking that at the start of the scene. James Bond, like, killing Timmick was a mistake. I'm about to make the same mistake twice.

Because he sends him on the same fucking errand of, all right, go and get help by sitting in the front seat of a car and don't look at the back seat. And he gets got. Like, Grace Jones is not going to successfully hide in the back seat if you turn your head like 20 degrees this is entirely on you man

I wish I could get strength anyway yeah I know I'm saying it again because she does it twice so James Bond Stacey tries to like push for moderate reform within the system she goes back to work at City Hall talks to her boss Well, no. So Stacey tries to push for moderate reform within the system.

She goes back to work at City Hall, talks to her boss, and she tries to confront him with the evidence of Zoran's plan, and he immediately fires her. Zoran is pumping seawater into her wells, and there's a big fault line? Yeah, he's doing fracking. In California? I don't know if anyone's aware of this. He is doing fracking, and he's trying to frack the San Andreas Falls. And she goes, hey, this could kill all of us, and he's like,

Yeah, this is Lex Luthor shit from Superman 1. Yeah, so he fires her, and they try to, like, come back and sneak in, because, in a classic Bond move, thanks to all of this intelligence gathering, he has only overheard one codename.

And since this is sort of a loose remake of Goldfinger, it's like Operation Grand Schlamm. It's Project Mainstrike. He's heard the name Project Mainstrike, and so he and Stacey are gonna break back into City Hall after hours, and they're gonna try and find out what they can about Project Mainstrike and they discover that Mainstrike is the name of a mine. I would personally have renamed my plan something else

Use a more secure codename Project Location of My Plan. Yes. Come on But they get caught and we get a genuinely extremely good pair of scenes one after the other I love Zoran's little polycule so much

man they own he like Zoran gets them at gunpoint and he gets Stacey's old boss to call the cops and her boss is like the way that Zoran gets them a gunpoint

he's not like lurking in the shadows waiting for them, Bond is like going through the files with Stacey and then Zoran just walks in the door with a gun and is like hey he just enters the scene like a character in a sitcom like we were supposed to go woo

yeah so he gets Stacey's old boss to the cops, and the guy's like, why? And Zoran explains to him. We're sort of led to believe that this is thanks to his superior Nazi brain that he's able to think of this this quickly, but he's like, well, these two broke in to get revenge on you for firing them. And then they shot you uh set fires to the office to conceal the evidence and then suffocated to death and in the elevator and the guy goes well

i would have to be and zoran just shoots him he's like dead yeah rules he genuinely says like my secret is improv i do yes and mr bond you're like genuinely it's like just a little bit of improvisation mr bond yeah meanwhile the two lesbians like splashing canisters full of gasoline around the office it's it's nice so i want to summarize really quickly because this gets to one of the most surreal parts of this film which is all right alright, so obviously they have to, they are trapped, they have to get out of the elevator, Bond finds a way to climb out, and right before the cables snap in the heat, he

is able to, it's Stacy, I'm not stupid, right? Yeah, Stacy. He's able to get Stacy out, basically in the nick of time, then goes to the roof, climbs down the elevator elevator everyone cheers the cops come up to him and talk to him and then basically he reveals he works the british secret

service they don't believe him they're going to arrest him because they found his gun in there uh when they were searching he then fires a water cannon at them and blows them blasts them away then steals the fire truck drives through the city of san francisco not to directly interrupt you but the the method through which they ascertain that it's his gun is fantastic. They just literally come up to him with a gun in a fully in-evidence bag and go, is your gun? And he goes, oh yes, thank you. He makes a little grab for it.

No, like, okay, you're fully under arrest. He blasts the heavyset police officer with a water cannon. Sheriff J.W. Pepper, San Francisco Police Department. It could have been!

A char-chase crash police being dumbasses, Keystone Cop style scene through the city of San Francisco, which the best thing I can describe it is somewhere between Police Academy and the Blues Brothers in which Moron genuinely lasts really long.

And Dianne Feinstein got that Roger Moore dome so good that she made the SFPD, who are busy doing like Zodiac killer shit at this point, like made them film a 20 minute long scene of looking like assholes, which I appreciate

a lot. I mean, legally, we probably can't say that Roger Moore made Dianne Feinstein come like a howler monkey, but he did do it. She had a certain kind of calculating idea here that the more she distracted the San Francisco police with this movie, the less likely it was they'd be able to

investigate Harvey Milk's murder. So she just kept at it. Made the scene as long as possible. God, this is like a two-hit punch. Jesus. So this is what I was talking about earlier. What do you know about Harvey Milk? No, this is what I was talking about earlier,

where Bond is just making detours through other movies. Like, he's in the towering inferno, then he's in the naked gun. They also, they also, they have a bit where the fire truck that they're in, because they're in the naked gun. They also have a bit where the fire truck that they're in, because they're in the fire truck, jumps over a

raising bridge and they don't even fucking show it. Yeah, it barely crosses over, but it's done in such a way like it's a really quick shot and the remaining five minutes of that shot is just police cars sliding on each other and crashing and then the cops getting in trouble. The guy's like, you're going to lose your promotion and pay for this car out of your

fucking pocket and then like uh and then another car gets crushed um yeah the count away it's not even that important like basically he gets away from city hall by doing this and then if i remember correctly the next scene is them back they drive the fire truck to this line

like across yeah so at this point at the end of the fire truck to this mine like across the state so at this point at the end of the fire truck scene for background I watched this with my friend, my dear friend Abigail Thorne just before I had to get the train back home from London and at this point I was like

where is the fucking Bond movie I need to finish this so I can go home, my train is in an hour like I was genuinely quite honest so I can go home my train is in an hour I was genuinely quite and so they get to the mine and in briefest summary they sneak in they basically pull some shenanigans

there is there are two things I want to pull out in getting into the mine thing one he has Stacy with him she's still wearing high heels and a guy notices and Bond's line doing a weird sort of American accent

is, it's women's lib they're taking over the Teamsters okay, quite good, I don't know but also, the other thing I want to pull out, and we'll come back to this later is you'll see why I come back to it as they come in uh bond isn't wearing

a hard hat and a goon pulls them up on this and he's like hey stop and you think that they've been they've been made he like hands bond a hard hat and it's like you gotta wear this it's a it's a mind there's you know yeah union regs man yeah exactly i appreciate the fact that we have OSHA for villains I think that that at least lets me know that the world James Bond inhabits is kind of coterminous with the modern world and so basically

they get into the mine sneaking in subterfuge they're able to determine that in the plans control room shed that nobody is in they're able to sneak that in the plan's control room shed that nobody is in, they're able to sneak in and find everything revealed, which they just conveniently lock a latch, that they identify the location of all of Zoran's mines, oil fields, etc., and quickly identify that basically if he is able to flood them all

and then detonate this this device that he's having planted at this moment in the san andreas fault it is going to basically shift the fault and it's going to flood the entirety of uh silicon valley and the san francisco bay area with uh with ocean water so he's he's putting a giant like detonator into a cavern filled with bags of anfo which is great. In destroying Silicon Valley that will allow him to capture a large share of the microchipped markets just to

bring us back to the plot of the movie. Because it will be attributed to natural causes. And they say that very straight to the camera. And in order to make sure that nobody is the wiser he then initiates yeah and they say that very straight to the camera in order to make sure that nobody is the wiser he then initiates

a super villain Nazi brain plan which is kill everyone involved besides Nazi doctor and his airship pilot ripping through this plot I have several points I want to pull up the first one is they put on a Zoran Industries coverall which I need

one of those bomber jackets with the cool z on the back nice um there is also a moment where as they leave the secret plans shed like zorin zorin notices that they're in there because they're like someone's locked for drawing the plans shed we should check out what's going on in that why do we even have this and it's like the two of them and they leave and he just shoots out the window for a bit until he runs out of bullets at which point he looks at Meze with such a fuck on then

he does a great like get him like it's like go on then he's like Jesus Christ you know what are you guys fucking doing at this point I have written down fuck I wish I could get hunted through a mine by lesbians. Yeah, no, fully, fully accursed. Fuck, I wish Grace Jones

would tear my clothes off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flaming through a mineshaft, Stacy gets dragged down by Grace Jones, who basically rips her dress off, and it's just like... Yeah, it rules. Meanwhile, meanwhile, as you say, Zoran has activated kill everyone mode. And so he gets, uh, who has like planted some explosives next to the miners.

Um, and one of the, the, the miners form is like, but Mr. Zoran, those men are still in there and they're, they're loyal to you. And Zoran kicks him off of a small rise and then grabs an Uzi because again pimp and just starts killing everyone just fully lays complete waste

at this point he is wearing it's a black day for the guys on Hench they've gone through a lot, they were in Dr. No's radioactive room, they were in Goldfinger's Asian factory, they went to space with the himbos and now they're being shot by christopher zoran is at this point wearing a double-breasted blue suit jacket uh white pants and white boat shoes and just spraying everybody with an uzi and scuppy's there as well helping out of course it's great it's great uh and then

we see his sort of like orgiastic thing of violence and then he just like kind of like switches back to normal a point that we should make immediately he also like sets off the initial blast where it doesn't set off the explosives on the San Andreas fault but it does flood the entire thing with seawater which just effortlessly kills the two lesbians

they barely even die on screen but Grace Jones sees them and sees what's happening and then immediately has a change of heart and decides to work with Bond. Grace Jones is like, well, fuck this! Come on! Zoran's escape plan at this point

is to use a blimp concealed within a porter cabin. This man has not one, but two dirigibles. Second dirigible, yes. He inflates this blimp. Farrah Fawcett, Stacey Sutton, whatever, gets out. And Grace Jones

and Bond have to disarm this bomb, which requires them using the crane to lift it off of the sacks of fertilizer. So effectively... Bring me to my favorite joke. My favorite current fact, which is that there are

25 blimps in the world right now. Oh, that's depressing. Do you know what there's not any of? Grace Jones' lesbian Bowflex. Because, my God, this whole scene of her just fucking joking shit

and just... Basically, they're able to this whole scene of her just fucking just yoking shit and just just like, basically they're able to extricate the big detonator device and put it onto a rail car basically with her upper body strength alone. That she just

winches this shit over and over again. And obviously Roger Moore's not gonna, I mean, that's just sort of implied he's not strong enough to do it. He's like oh I'm an old man yeah it's made extremely clear it's explicit yeah but she has to ride on the minecart with the detonator on

because she has to hold the brake off the handbrake is on you gotta kill some women in this movie she rides on it and Roger Moore is like Mayday no get off that and she's like i've got to do this and at this point i turned to the show abigail fawn and i said i would like to what abby where did you get i'd like to put forward that i am nominating mayday for a double award

of both the cronstein ros Rosette and the Goodnight Cross. I have some thoughts on this, but Mayday is exploded. Bond escapes the mine. Yeah, the rest of the Bond movie happens. Yeah, the other lady, Farrah Fawcett, like,

crests a hill, and is like, James, and I have written down here in my notes, sick of this Farrah Fawcett-looking lady, how the fuck do you get ambushed by a blimp? Yeah, genuinely, like, a blimp fucking hunts this woman down. Like, it's shot so well. He sneaks up on her in a blimp. It's shot so well, because she, like, crests the hill outside the mine,

and then the blimp also crests the hill. And you're like, lady, there's a fucking entire blimp behind you. Yes. And on the blimp is Zoran... Fuck, what's his name? Scarpine. Scarpine and the Nazi doctor.

They're all in that blimp together. And they're hanging out and just toasting champagne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she gets kidnapped by a blimp, Bond jumps onto one of the mooring ropes, and then we have essentially the end- Roger Moore in Rope. We get the end of Octopussy, if you remember that, where Bond is on the outside of an aircraft, and there's a woman who's been kidnapped on the inside of an aircraft, and they're trying to throw him off the aircraft.

Same deal. Exact same deal. Except they ram the blimp into the Golden Gate Bridge, and Zoran tries to kill Bond with a fire axe, is thrown to his death. He laughs! He gets stuck on the edge of it, and he's like,

I'm the damn Joker, which is funny for me, actually. me actually he's like laughing to himself like ah there's no way it's like this is not gonna kill me you can't kill me like that i can't go out i've got a nazi super brain and then he falls and dies watch watch the uh fanboys the music video for Weapon of Choice. Yeah. Or Christopher Walken content. Yeah. I mean, I've written here the entire final scene is fucking cinema, because it's just James Bond on the

Golden Gate. Blimp explosion. The Nazi explodes the blimp. The Nazi scientist, Nazi Q, is like, oh no, my son that i created through nazi experiments has fucking fallen off the bridge and died what should i do in this scenario get a fucking bundle of ds from the safe of dynamite that we keep on this blimp the dynamite humidor he picks it up

and he just like falls over and him and Scarpina are like get the fucking dynamite out and it just doesn't both of them are just like it's genuinely like a too many cooks situation they're both just trying to snatch it off each other and then it explodes and it kills them both and I'm like cool fantastic bitch mate

at this point I got distracted and started writing things down about how it's interesting how like the foreign of the villain is always intelligence, and that Bond is positioned inherently against intelligence, and then the movie ends. Because, um... That sounds like some serious analysis. Bond does, however. I don't wanna do that. Bond does receive the Order of Lenin.

Yeah, he fucking does! The first non-Soviet citizen to receive the Order of Lenin, Gogol- they let Gogol into M's office for this! Gogol straight up awards the Order of Lenin to Roger Mose Bond as a bit. Yes. He does it entirely so that he can fucking deliver a line. Yes, because they're like- M is like, I would have thought you would have appreciated the destruction of Silicon Valley.

And Gogol goes, where would Russian research be without it? He did that just to set up that line! He genuinely gave the first non-Soviet order of London so that he could do a line. I love Go-Go so much, man. Beautiful. He's so good. Of course Bond now has to be having sex, and he has to be having sex with Stacey. Whatever.

Q drives the little fucking Sony AIBO spy dog into her house in order to confirm this, and he sees them in the shower, and the very last thing that Roger Moore does as James Bond, the last line, if you like, that he has, I have as a drop entitled weird noise thank you thank you I'm so glad you noticed it because I was gonna say that last thing he does in the role is

they're in the shower they're fucking and he goes yes yes I heard that too I was just like, is that the homophobic noise? Like, genuinely. She's like,

James! He's like, bro! Like I said, it seemed like an aftertouch voiceover thing just so you knew that, like, he's there too, but he's also on camera,

so you don't really need that. No. He genuinely sounds like a carry-on character, it's so good. Anyway, he's gone. The funniest part about this is that it cuts immediately from directly into Duran Duran. Like, the next sound you hear... That fatal kiss is all we need. ...is the synths from Dues to a Kill

and that is the fucking movie. That is Roger Moore's tenure as James Bond served. RIP to a real one. Genuinely pouring one out for our boy Roger Moore. Gone too soon. So, genuinely something I didn't bring up

because where do you talk about a leitmotif in the process of a Kill James Bond episode but there's consistently the sort of tune of the View to a Kill Duran Duran song played in like sensitive bits it's like quite a sensual scene and it's just like

it's good I've really liked the way that the music in this movie is self-referential I did notice that there's sort of like a flute version of View to a Kill being played it's good I really like the way that the music in this movie is self-referential there's sort of like a flute version of You Do A Kill being played it's genuinely quite cute kind of played as a refrain throughout it this movie

it's kind of insubstantial on the one hand we crashed Goldfinger and Moonraker together and this is the result ultimately it is the Bond kaleidoscope. I think the first hour is great. Christopher Walken does a fantastic job in this,

is the other thing. Genuinely, you could pull about half an hour to 45 minutes out of this movie, and it would be not only a better film, but it would flow better, it would be fun, like, it would be a good movie. We don't have to rely on subjective judgments on this podcast.

You're right. No, we don't. Because we have an objective, science-based categorization system. It's been proven to be scientific. Like Max Zorin, we are on the computer. And on the computer, we have developed a four-point rating scale. We call the SCUMM scale. Four, SMUM, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny.

And these scales go to seven unless we want them to be higher. Yes, yes. They're all being projected onto our eyes now as we're typing. Numbers are coming up. We're all with 16 16 bits versions of our heads are rotating around I want to be clear here I genuinely think this movie is going to be

extremely low on all of these yeah yeah I'm worried so what do we think in terms of smog it's pretty low mostly because he's too old to be smog he makes a couple of one liners and stuff like that but like it's basing it off what you guys have

all talked about on the clips you've pulled in previous episodes, it doesn't seem anywhere near as bad. No, it really, it doesn't stand up to early Roger Moore at all. It's not even really a Bond movie is the thing. It doesn't like, it doesn't feel like a sort of meaningful addition to the

franchise, so it's like Him and Zoran are about equal for slump. Honestly, it's like him and zarin are about equal honestly it's more of a zarin movie yeah it really is i i heard that this film actually wasn't super well received at the time because christopher walken was just kind of came across as a psycho and you know shooting up people and stuff but it's weird because i think he i think that's yeah but it's weird like i think people wanted more camp than that and and as such like it just i don't think it was that well received and it's funny to me because i think more actually kind of pulls it off because he's obviously so old like okay the stunts notwithstanding there's a certain kind of like almost elder statesman vibe

because like he can't be the super physical like super sexy guy like he's just he's sort of trading on the like accent and spy powers to get into bed with women. That's kind of the way that Bond movies are oriented. Like you said, as soon as he walks in, no matter what his age, he's the sexiest age a man can be. That's just the logic of the universe. I didn't find it that smarmy. The one-liners,

that's kind of par for the course, but I didn't groan. I could go really low. I didn't groan anywhere near as much as I thought I would. Genuinely, I would go extremely low on this one. And the thing about... Cultural insensivity? There's basically nothing.

There's a couple of lines regarding Mayday where it's not even Bond who says it, where it's sort of implied like, wow, she's freakishly strong. It must be because she's black. That kind of a thing. But it genuinely like... You'd have to read that into it. It's it's a far cry from like the explicit stuff of even just

like two movies yeah oh i would also say too that there's an extent to which she is a character it feels like it's less look at this freak and it's more just sort of like look at grace jones the fact that she's grace jones like in a way they're like the script almost has a certain gravitas for her character that it probably wouldn't afford if she fact that she's Grace Jones in a way, the script almost has a certain gravitas for her character that it probably wouldn't afford if she was just a random henchman. You know what I mean? I will say there's a little bit of what was the

it was Pan Ho is the name of the other lesbian henchwoman. Why is she always in what looks like... She's always wearing a chongsam or a kimono that's a little a little like i said but that's that's even like kind of minor gripes all things considered like my minor thing is like at zorin's party they they try and do the thing of like oh this is like rich and powerful people from all over the world so that like that you know there's a there's a guy

in like arab robes there's like and it's like kind of like welles. And it's kind of like, well, they're trying in this sort of media-y sort of way. It's diverse. We put a black person in this. And it's like... There's a couple of Chinese people in there too. Yeah, I was going to say the CIA agent, Agent Li.

That wasn't what I meant. I meant there's a couple of Chinese people in it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He is at least a character, like, there's... I mean, he is at least a character, even if he's, like, so disposed of as a character that he doesn't even get an on-screen death. But I didn't find it to be...

I mean, and maybe also because of the fact that the places where this film takes place are a little bit of an interlude in Russia, England, France, and America, as opposed to jetting off to some exotic... The one that goes to like the Caribbean and treats everybody like a satrap Did Dianne Feinstein

save this movie from being a racist? That's a hell of a fucking theory to put forward I would say ask her but she absolutely does not remember Do you remember View to a Kill Dianne and she's like I'm gonna confirm got some incredible dick from roger moore cultural insensitivity i could go like one here i think

yeah the one unprovoked violence he doesn't even like really it's on the part of bond only right it's on the part of bond only right because obviously like like zorin killing all of his henchmen is pretty high up there but like that's the zorin that's not bond yeah i don't think bond even like kills him he like shoots yeah it's like unprovoked violence that the movie condones really i guess is the vibe i mean i would say i would give it a two and not a one if the debate was giving it a one because like I think that the extent to which the sort of dispatch all my henchmen scene is kind of, to my eyes, kind of an aberration for this phase of Bond films.

It's certainly one of the more violent things to happen in a film. But in terms of what Bond himself does, like you said, if he kills anybody, it's happenstance. He shoots all the guys with a rock salt gun and they're just like, oh, my leg. It's not they live yeah

exactly more friendly guys get killed than the rock salt gun and turn into Michael oh my leg you don't have to be shot with a rock salt gun you can layer suck you off back to hell

yeah I could go two for this, I think. Unless there's something I'm badly, badly missing. I'm really worried now. I'm getting really worried. I'm starting to become genuinely quite threatened by this. Misogyny. I do want to give it some points because of the absolute smashing the pussy clock record. You gotta, like, your punishment

for being an evil woman is death even if you, like, repent. You kill a couple of lesbians just, like, off screen. Like, that's pretty bad, I think. Sneaking into a woman's bedroom to do non-shit. The comment about the comment about women's lib. Michael York.

Women's lib. So I think in this case, the lowest I would go is a three, but I could accept higher. I could go four. Just because, yeah, I think the way that they kill off Jenny Flex and Panho, I think that's a four for me. I listen to women, so I'm out of this. No, I don't think it's as high as Diamonds Are Forever,

which was a four, or On Her Majesty's Secret Service, which is also a four. I think it's got high as diamonds are forever which was a four or on her majesty's secret service which is also four i think it's got to be like max three you argue me down but only because i remember the like girl noises from on her majesty's although to be fair there are some girl noises in this like when they're escaping the the the planning lodge uh and the planning shack and it's sort of like don't be caught she goes out the window she just goes like going out the window and she's sort of like well yeah because girls got to make noise when they're scared right like that's how it works so yeah yeah i think i could take a three yeah i'll concede a three here which is gonna make this frightening isn't that like a six then total oh my god dude the score is

007 cut our mics cut all of our mics close the episode this is the lost Kill James Bond episode this will never go to print which makes this the best one

no no it isn't by one point it is George it's one point better than George Lazenby

it's it's one point better than For Your Eyes Only which was point better than George Lazenby. It's one point better than For Your Eyes Only, which was like the tie to Lazenby. This is the best Bond film we have seen so far. Here's my argument, Dan. I think that we have unnecessarily tilted the

scale towards Sean Connery. When we were choosing what we were going to measure, it was much more 60s. We're going to need some baseball nerds to do adjusted scum values for over time. The science-based system is the science-based system. And science evolves, but...

We have to account for inflation towards 2021 levels of scum. We're basically going to become the Bob McNamara of Bond movies where we're just arguing that actually the numbers are right. I'm immediately becoming a view to a kill scum spectrum truther. No fucking way. I support this. I support this. I think

I had a lot of fun with this film. I think it is about 20 minutes too long and it could have been cut and a meanders. But genuinely, I think the first hour is like brilliant. No, I did actually really like this movie. Which brings us to our second thing that we do which is I've put forward that I want Mayday to receive both the Good Night Cross and the

Constantine Rosette I understand there to be some disagreement regarding this my disagreement is solely on the Constantine Rosette because I would submit that the guy who goes above and beyond the call of juicy the guy who like You say I'm gonna go apeshit. It's not scuffing. It's a guy at the mine who makes bond wear a heart

I am right. It's the hard hat guy Doesn't even get a name How is that going to possibly be put Into our scripts How does that fit on the wikipedia page Hard hat guy Fine Give him one

Fine Yeah to be fair. All right, goodnight cross. He goes above and beyond the quality. Fine, fine. Cronstein Rosette to hard hat guy. Thank you. No, why can't he have the goodnight cross?

Because he's not a good guy. He's a henchman. He is evil. He services to villainy, but safe villainy. Yeah, he's, no, okay, fine. Fine. Goodnight cross, then. Who on the side of, it's gotta be, it's Gogol. It's Gogol, right?... No, okay, fine. Fine. Good Night Cross, then. Who on the side of...

It's gotta be... It's Gogol. It's Gogol, right? The first... The first... Underappreciated good characters. The first Soviet citizen to be awarded the Order of... I don't think he's underappreciated.

I would say, if you're gonna argue for someone who isn't Mayday, and it doesn't make sense to give her the good night in absentia of the Gromstein... Sure. I would say Godfrey Tibbert. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's gotta be Godfrey tibbet it is it's got you know r.i.p i was actually genuinely sad when he died because he like he took a lot of shit from bond and also like did some investigating on his own and he there's a great bit where as we sort of mentioned this earlier he has to go past three horse stalls to infiltrate a thing and he pets each and every one of those horses

as he goes past. That's good Mike Cross material. Fair enough. So what are we doing next time, Alice? The era of Roger Moore is over, and the era of Timothy Dalton begins. And so, well, first of all, we have

to do our next Q&A, which we do to close out individual bonds. But after that, we don't. Well, we're not closing out individual bonds. It has worked out quite well, but we do it every fifth. We're accidentally closing out individual bonds. Three for three. What looms over us is Timothy Dalton, The Living Daylights.

This film is dedicated to the Mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan now my understanding is that there's been nothing significant in the news regarding them so let's just yeah yeah let's I've been reading this big book of American history

of the 20th century and I've only gotten up to like the late 70s so as I understand it the Taliban are the goodth century and I've only gotten up to like the late 70s so as I understand it the Taliban are the good guys and they're on our side Am I supposed to support them? Anti-Soviet warrior pushes army on the road to peace absolutely but also

where can the people find you? I produce this show I produce Trash Future Hell of a Way to Die Lion Slipped by Donkeys and maybe more projects down the line. Who even knows? But if you want to hear me talk about the military and veteran stuff from a leftist perspective, then you listen to Hell of a Way to Die.

And if you like podcasts about what happens if you come in space, listen to Trash Future. And if you want to hear my friend Joe Kasabian talk about military defeats and blunders from what you might describe as a left-wing anarchist perspective than listen to Lions Led by Donkeys. Emphatically not led by donkeys, the British centrist organization, although people constantly at him on Twitter thinking that that's what it is. And then yeah, everything else, just

follow him on Twitter. I'm just a guy. I'm just a random guy. I'm just a small boy. I'm a birthday boy. He's just a birthday boy. I'm just a small boy. I'm a birthday boy. He's just a birthday boy. You should follow Nate on Twitter because Nate is one of the most devastating Twitter samurais there is.

Like, do not cross Nate on Twitter because he will fucking annihilate you. That's such a beautiful way of saying it. Thank you. You're very kind. I was going to ask that since I've been looking forward to this for a while, if we could close out this episode on one of my favorite bits, which is can we just do

the birthday boy bit and close it out as in I'm just a little boy. You would take it from me. I'm a boy. I'm a small boy. I'm just watching. You wouldn't take it like a birthday boy. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. thank you thank you

i'm still furious about that scum spectrum score but um there you go I suppose we see him out at the best of times thank you for listening to another episode of Kill James Bond tune in in two weeks time for The Living Daylights our first appearance of the prodigal Bond son that is Timothy Dalton and I've watched the movie and I've got to be honest with you I don't like it of the prodigal Bond son that is Timothy Dalton. And I've watched the movie,

and I've got to be honest with you, I don't like it. So, tune in! But if that is simply too long for you to wait, you can head on down to patreon.com killjamesbond and sign up to listen to, at this point, 14 bonus episodes. That's 14 hours minimum of content for you right now for just a dang fiver.

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It's a pretty healthy Patreon, I'll be honest. Although, to be fair, have you seen the end of Abby's videos where it lists all of her fucking patrons? It's just like eight minutes long per time. Regardless, this has been Kill James Bond starring Devin and two others. Our podcast art is by Maddy Lubchansky. This one's unusable. And yet I won't be recording a second.

Our podcast art is by Maddy Lubchansky. Our website is by Tom Allen. And our producer and guest is Nate Bethea. See ya.