Upstream - Episode 21: Die Another Day

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

Well friends, it's finally happened. We're at the end of the Brosnan years. And by God is he not going gently into that good night. Join us for a ""Celebration"" ""of all things Bond"" as the movie sucks itself off for being the 20th Bond film so hard that it forgets to actually be a movie in and of itself. And in a called shot that goes back to January of this year, we are joined by the man, the myth, the legend: Riley Quinn, host of Trashfuture and The Bottlemen! Find Riley at https://twitter.com/raaleh And find his podcasts at https://twitter.com/trashfuturepod https://twitter.com/bottlemenpod Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

It is pathetic that you British still believe you have the right to police the world. Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. We're finally doing the ideology one, the magic car one. We're doing Diana the Day. I am Alice Cordova, cannelly, joining me are Abigail Thorne, Devon and friend of the show Trash Futurist, Riley Quinn. Hello. Riley, how's it going?

It's going very well. Ever since I watched this movie, I've been buttering to myself just this two simple words, Sigmund Freud, under my breath, from the feed song. Since I saw this movie, my life has not known peace. Analyze this. Yeah, very weird. So let's talk about this fucking video game movie. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, very weird. So we need to talk about this fucking video game movie, so they made a... I don't know what's going on.

Is this the worst that I've seen in quite some time? Oh, yeah, absolutely. And like, even from second one of this movie, you know it's going to be weird, because the CGI plague that infected movies of this period has got to the gun barrel sequence. And so now, when your boy, Pierce Rosnan, walks across the gun barrel sequence. And so now when your boy appears Rosnan walks across the gun barrel and shoots into the thing, a little horrible CGI bullet, a fucking like JPEG with like four pixels, like whizzes past a little wash sound effect and shoots you the viewer in the face. Um, why, obviously, why was the bullet go down the gun barrel?

Yeah, it was because you're using it through the gun. You shoot through the gun and then because, because I'm, you know, a fan of cinema, and I get very scared when I see the train coming towards me, I, you know, I did feel that I was going to be killed at this point. But thankfully, thankfully, that's not the case. Yeah, I had on my 3D glasses, the sort of like blue and green, whatever. I was like, you've been watching the rest of the movie. Jesus. Yeah, this movie actually kills you.

I made the Minecraft guy taking damage noise when the bullet came down the gun barrel. Minecraft guy taking damage noise when the bullet came down the gun barrels. Yeah. But no, first we have to do a pre-credit sequence, pre-title sequence, which, yeah, we're in, jump to the video game Splinter Cell because this movie sure does. Jay, Jay, Jay Bond is infiltrating North Korea with a couple of like, I guess South Korean command, okay. How is he going to get there, Alice? The way, the way in which he gets there, well, the thing is, we've talked about before how, but how Bond movies have this like dichotomy, it has this like, you know, separation

between extreme sports where it's either a wet sports movie or it's a cold sports movie. This manages to this manages to be both but for now we're in the wet sports zone. So these guys surf in over the most gelatin looking CGI water you've seen in your life. I mean, do you just want to imagine for a moment, like, the cast of this movie, in their little green morph suits sitting in their, like, green production studio? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They had to fit Pierce Brosnan into a green, like, Zentai costume for this. Yeah. Absolutely. Also, I very badly want the episode after this to be the first shot we see of Pierce Brosnan, which is him and his fucking little splinter cell goggles. I appreciate that a lot.

He's just wearing like a CRT monitor on his head. So, that's a lot going on. I, not just Alice, just because you're talking, but I have a question for the team here, right? We've been talking in the group DM a little bit about what is this movie? Is it bond trying to be Vin Diesel in Triple X? Is it bond being what is a proto-marvel movie? Or was it bond being like, as imagined by uva ball? Yeah, it's all of those things simultaneously. What a great movie. I think it's bond trying to be bond. Because this is the 20th James Bond film and it's just constantly sucking itself off

about that. Are you right? This is bond's way. You're right. It is a long self-suck. Oh, it's the hardest they've tried to bond in a while. Yeah, absolutely. But there

is a lot like this movie loves some technology, right? So Bond and his two friends surf into North Korean territory. I mean, you say one more thing because it's just to sort of build an abbey point there, which is that you know how much this movie loves sucking off that it's a bond. That yes, that in the scene where James Bond is walking around a guy's office holding a book. He's holding the field guide to birds. The book is written by James Bond. We'll get to that. We'll get to the bunch of shit. But like, no, so this movie loves technology. So like, they have a secret compartment in the surfboard where they keep all of their gadgets and shit. They use as a sort of a transmitter,

what I can only describe as an umbrella knife. Like one of the guys just like stabs this thing into the ground and it works as like an antenna, but it's clearly an umbrella. Long story short, they jack a chopper. They jack a chopper and a briefcase full of diamonds and they fill it for a C4. Yeah, they take this, they take this chopper away from jerk vandicle.

Correct. Like set South African conflict diamonds dealer who is like in North Korea to trade those diamonds. That's an awful. Wait, fuck, I fuck that up. That's an awful. That's an awful lot of ice. Bitch.

There you go. That's an awful movie. This is also one of the most filmed during the day and then Blue Filter put on light scenes ever. It's so bad. Oh, it's so blue graded. Yeah, no, absolutely. Also, the least Korean looking place in the world.

This is all like sorry. So like, yeah, no, he removes jerk Van der Klug from the chopper impersonates jerk Van der Klug, doesn't even do the accent. And he's going to go and do the deal with the North Koreans for these diamonds and then blow them up when they least expect it. So we're invading a sovereign nation and assassinating its military personnel. Yes. Standard James Bond.

Yes. So he flies to this guy, Colonel Moon's headquarters. And if you recall, Max Zoran from Views for a Kill, had a computer that identified James Bond. That was the computer that he found indispensable. Like he just kind of typed Bond into it and it went, oh shit, that's James Bond. Yeah. Now that we're in the future

this has been compressed into a Samsung phone. And so immediately immediately the second bond gets off the gets off the chopper. A guy just points his phone at him and the phone goes, yo, that's James. This man is fully a British age. interesting. Yeah, it's straight away. When we see Colonel Moon for the first time, when we see Colonel Moon, he is punching a punching bag and then unzips the punching bag and there's a guy inside. And then he says, find me a new anger therapist.

Yeah, fantastic. It's like, okay, okay. Colonel Moon's superpower, as we will see, is getting very mad. He's sort of like a Kyle figure. He's like, a lot of holes in drywall. Sicker movie I want to see. I want to see the movie about Colonel Moon

and his agro therapist as like, analyze this three. I think that's a fun movie. That's true. That's true. That's like, seated within this movie. So Bond goes to talk with Colonel Moon. The guy who, the henchman who like identifies Bond on the identify graph immediately is called Sal, by the way, this will be important later.

So, so he talks to him, and again this movie does the thing of like, oh this guy, you think he's foreign, but actually he went to Oxford and the line is. I studied at Oxford in Harvard, majored in Western hypocrisy. This is why my count's the third time in the franchise that they've done this. They did it with Cameronsha and the Living Day light. It's definitely the new adventure.

The beddewing guy that Roger Moore says, in the light of a lab, let's do your tent. This time it's a bad guy though. Honestly, you can get James Bond saying that these days. That's true. That is true. No time to die. Daniel Craig said the full sharder.

You can't pass it. Anyway, James Bond was odd. Yeah, we're not spoiling no time to die on this episode. I feel like this is interesting, right? Because the British sort of thriller genre, whatever kind of like the colonial thriller, always loves to give you the character, either the antagonist or the protagonist's helper,

which is kind of like the fictionalized version of someone like Lee Kwan Yew, who what he was studying in Britain was Harry Lee or the best bloody Englishman from East of the Suez, how he was called. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know, it's the thing of like, oh, you think he's from, he's actually smart,

but the way in which he's smart is, he was educated here, which means when you still get some prestige off, of course. No stupid person's ever done those two things. No, no, of course not. He's got a whole bunch of hovercrafts. He's got a bunch of hovercrafts and a bunch of other months. You get those when you go to Oxford.

It's part of what you get with your diplomas. You get three or four hovercrafts. Most people crash that. That's what he's dealing the weapons for. It's not really clear why he wants the diamonds, but he's selling these hovercrafts that are useful to him because you could get over the the mines and the demilitarized zone that the Americans laid between North and South Korea. In which case, not sure why he's selling them, but anyway, this sort of like used hovercraft salesman.

It's a Florida guy. I presumed that he was building a space laser. That's true. But Bond at this point pulls some, ah, you claim to communism and yet Venna's wailer bottom tax because he sees that Colonel Moon has some very nice sports cars. He has like a Ferrari and shit. Why there? I don't know. Just so you can put him on a hovercraft. In the middle of my military base. Yeah, so fucking Ferrari. Yeah, and he makes some little sarcastic comments about,

it's very communist of you, very fast car, and Google Venezuela. I'm sure why I'm making Brosnan more and more in this one, but he's got a lot of more smarmy in this one. Well, should I, the filmmakers, did either? No, he's at his most more in the previous movie. Anyway, he immediately gets, he immediately gets found out his most more in the previous. Anyway, he immediately gets he immediately gets found out. Yeah, yeah, it's not stuff.

Zao just, you know, like pulls his boss aside and is like, yeah, no, that's James Bond, the British assassin. So they take Bond captive Bond uses his fucking shitty watch once again to detonate the briefcase full of diamonds. In the course of which Zao gets a shitload of diamonds like raked across his face. Or someone who's trying to charge their James Bond identification computer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Charlie.

My Samsung Galaxy Tab. So Bond hijacks a hovercraft and tries to escape across the DMZ. And we got a chase scene with Colonel Moon. We got a chase scene. And the DMZ. Yeah, we got a spare even worse talking about, like it just happened, it's a bond chasing scene. Yeah, the only thing that I wrote down is like,

he's setting off explosives and like firing guns and shit. Like how is he not starting World War III doing this in the DMZ? Like, why wouldn't anyone else in North Korea assume that it was just the Americans? And like, specifically, we see Colonel Moon's dad, General Moon, who is kind of a helicopter parent, to be honest, immediately, immediately call his kid and go, yo, why is James Bond blowing up your entire shit? I'll be right there. There's a couple of notes, nothing particularly interesting.

Like they're talking Korean throughout when they're talking each other, but for some reason Zao's line to moon when he does figure out who Bond is is in English, where he's like, that's James Bond, we're going to have to kill him. I'm like, why would Adam Henry, why would you not say that? Just to give him a life in counts. They didn't put it into our good. So, yeah, no, they chased them through the thing. Bond drives Moon's hovercraft over the edge of a giant waterfall.

It catches himself on a giant temple bell, which they definitely have in the demilitarized zone, says, saved by the bell and then immediately and justly gets captured by North Korea. Yeah, fully. It's just instantly captures. And torture and torture. One more thing I noted in my notes, which is when

when Zao takes the diamond, so I'm going back a second, I saw this in my notes, is that Bond does say don't blow it all at once, but then it doesn't explore when he wants it to. So he does have a failed quip. It's got loads in this. It's like a ruin. So in any way. Yeah.

So, so, at this point, we have to talk about the opening sequence. I don't think we do. So, by the way, the scene thing that I used to do this says that the script describes the setting as dank room, which I appreciate. Yeah. It is a dank room. There's a lot of scorpions in it. So, the first time they've used the title to actually show us some plot, because we just have a montage of scorpions in it. So is the first time they've used the titles to actually show us some plot? Because we just have a montage of Bond being tortured, which I enjoyed. Yeah, he's tortured by a sexy Korean lady, which sexy Korean lady, hello.

And it is set. Offices uniform is cool. And it's set back music. Madonna's die another day. The first genuine flop of a Bond theme as far as I'm concerned. Like I've had some points about previous ones, but this is Diann. It really is horrible. It's extremely 2002 pop music is what it is.

Like they couldn't have made a different kind of song for this. It just happens to be that things have come from the standpoint. It's bad. It's real bad, right? What happened is it took to the mid to late 2000s for R&B and dance music to redefine what pop music would be. Because in the 1990s, a lot of pop music was like boy and girl groups before that, or it was Michael Jackson.

We nearly got the S Club 7 on the opening theme. Yeah, I think it's what happened is we were after sort of, after 90s pop, Double O 7, thank you. Perfect, no notes. All right, I'll change the group chat line. It was in the middle of the, it was in this interregnant between what pop was

and what it was going to be. And it's just this, this perfect, um, that this perfect, I was preserved in amber artifact of pop music figuring itself out. It's just, yeah, it's about. So what they do to bond during this, uh, is it, it's almost presents as bond is like fantasizing about sexy women while he's being tortured. And that's where the title says how he stays grounded and he survives torture by getting insanely horny. That like we can't break him. He's getting home in his head. He's getting like burnt with hot iron. And he's just imagining hot women. When I'm going to torture that, I don't have to imagine hot women. Pussy. Yeah, that's true.

He retreats to the pussy mind palettes. While they're doing what they're doing to him at this point, is they change the name of the group chat. No, they're dunking him in ice cold water. And then this sexy lady is like stinging him with scorpions. Yeah, it's weird. There's a reference to like that he's being stung with scorpions and given the poison. And there's a reference to him being poisoned and possibly not given an antidote later that goes nowhere. I seriously think it was a really script. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, it immediately after this, it's 18 months later, Bond has grown a massive

beard. That's great. His hair is shoulder length. Looks fantastic. Yeah, he's still ripped, like he's not omaciated at all, which is very funny. Interestingly, this isn't actually castaway Bond. What it is is, I don't know if how you familiar with the filmography of Steven Segal, but we first saw this in Hard to kill like this exactly exact that exact sequences for his Essentially from a cigar movie. We just wake up with the shitty because Because Bond is tough, right. He hasn't broken. He hasn't given the men a thing And he's brought in to see general moon who is like yeah, no, I actually don't like torture because I'm like ambivalent about it because I'm basically a good guy. And you know, I'm the

bit of the movie that's less racist than you might expect. I'm the one good North Korean that we can actually have to have in the plot. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm not as fun as like the fun Soviet guy, but like, I'm still, I'm basically cool. Oh, he's Korean Gogol, isn't he? Yeah, you're right. He is kind of Korean Gog. And I'm calling that from now on. So like, Bond at this point goes, oh, you should tell the cons.

Yeah, and laughs at his own quip, which absolutely validates, I think it was Abby's theory that he is just doing the quips of coping mechanism. He's just doing this to himself. And when nobody's laughing, he is just doing the quips of coping mechanism. He's just doing this to himself. And when nobody's laughing, he's laughing. He's, yeah, he's the damn. He's imagining hot women and he's doing quips to himself. If you had a single POV shot of him in here,

it would just be like a bunch of hot women across from. My man is getting domed the likes of which you can't imagine in his head. He's getting stately pleasure dome. So, general moon then goes, oh, well, it's out of my hands. I'm going to make you think that I'm going to kill you because you gave the hardliners in North Korea a reason to think that they can't trust the West. Why on earth would anyone have that opinion? Reasons aren't clear.

So Bond gets mock executed, right? Like they put a firing squad on them in front of a bridge, General Moon tells them to start walking and he thinks he's gonna be killed, but he's like envisioning too much personally to care. Yeah. But no, he's actually envisioning too much personally to care. Yeah. But no, he's actually being traded for Zau who like meets him in the middle of the bridge.

Zau was being traded back to the North Bond as being traded back to the South in a classic spy swap. Hmm. Yeah. So Zau looks great. Zau still got like diamonds embedded in his face and at this point,

I wrote of diamonds. So, I'll hold you personally responsible for how sick nasty he looks, James. You will never forgive you for this. Yes. Bond gets to the South Korean side, whereupon, he is immediately injected with drugs, like a fucking astro world at Andy. Just immediately laid the fuck out and he wakes up. And then he gets put in a Star Wars medical scanner. Yeah, he wakes up in the coltotank. And they do some tests on him. That's where you get the line about them

and injecting him with scorpion venom and then injecting him with the anti-venom. Yeah, I own James wake up. 9-11 has happened. Yes, that's the thrust of this conversation because M comes in and she talks to him at first behind like a glass partition and she tells him, while you're in North Korea,

you were unable to prevent 9-11. Yeah, actually, if you'd paid attention to a literature, you'd no bond couldn't have prevented 9-11. Yeah, actually, if you'd paid attention to a literature, you'd no bond couldn't have prevented 9-11 because he was in North Korean torture. Yeah, while you were getting your dick stunned by scorpions, 19 guys flew some planes into the tower. We sent 009 to try to stop it. Jesus Christ, he did not succeed.

While you were getting like phantom pussy, to try to stop it. Jesus Christ, he did not succeed. While you were getting like phantom pussy, like fucking the Danakeroid and Ghostbusters, some major shit happened. Also, like how long there's got that have been filmed? Because you have to imagine, right? They are filming this primarily in like late 2000, early 2001. They're at this point in like editing

for release in 2002, maybe road showing. But like the line is relatively vague. Like all the line is is, why are you in a way, the world changed? In that 9-11 happened. And but like, I just imagine, I imagine like Judy Densch having to like put on the makeup again, James,

like appears for us now having to get already again. It's like, well, we have to like to move the 9-11. Beards, back to him for 9 11 beards back to him for like three hours in order to have him react to 9 11 but there's something genuinely funny like if if you go to the I'm sorry if you go to the diner a day Wikipedia page and you look at the plots the line the world has changed is quoted and in blue and if you hover over it it links to is quoted and in blue and if you hover over it, it links to the September 11 attacks with a picture of fucking pictures.

James Bond winky in 9-11 on the phone. Amazing. Amazing. Great. Fantastic. Anyway, M has quite a hostile conversation with them. We're almost back to the sort of like level of previous M where we're like a Bond. I wish you'd die of adult on set sudden infant death syndrome. She just, she literally tells him like,

if I'd had my way, you'd still be in North Korea, which is a tremendously funny thing to say to anyone at any time. She also is just like, well, why didn't you kill yourself? Like she goes, you had your cyanide and he was like, I three or a years ago. So like, we're getting M is like, well, why didn't you kill yourself? Like she goes, you had your cyanide, and he was like, I think a few years ago. So like, we're getting, M is like, fuck you, Bond, why are you dead? How are you here still? But we get a genuinely quite interesting premise, and because M says I would have left you there,

but the Americans insisted that you get out, because the top Americans spy in North Korea was executed last week, and the Americans intercepted a signal from your prison, naming him. So those there say, Bond, you cracked under torture. During the title sequence, while Madonna was playing, you didn't know what you were saying, because you were full of scorpion venom and imaginary pussy.

So you cracked under torture. You cracked and you named the spy in bonds. I know I didn't. Somebody's pulling the strings. Somebody told Zao who I was when he Googled me when I arrived. Somebody's behind this and I'm like, I don't believe it, you fucked up.

Like, and I think that's a genuinely interesting premise is James Bond going on the, it's like find out whether he really worked or not. What would be more interesting if he had actually broken under torture? But like, of course Bond is too perfect to break under torture. Well, another genuinely interesting plot thread is M being like, no, to me you should have died there.

There was no way I was going to save you. You should have just taken your diet and I didn't die it. And that as a plotthaver, there won't be explored satisfiantly until Skyfall, when they remember this. Remember when you saved my life from the bald guy in the immediately previous movie to this, this has gained you absolutely no credit with me. I wish you were fucking dead. And that's cool. So Bond at this point, like, Samurai shift. No, he'll explain

to me what happens. What Bond does is he imagines so much pussy that he stops his own heart. He deliberately puts himself into a cardiac arrest by means of willpower. As this ever been explored as an ability that Bond has before or since? No, he's doing like, As he as this ever been explored as an ability that bond has before or since no He's just he's just doing he's doing like Wim Hofbrie then and

Do you remember who can do it? It's better fun singling the man from Hong Kong. Oh my god He can you don't remember he didn't want him to see that That he do right. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh Jesus. Okay. Well, anyway, he uses this thing. I didn't realize that from Hong Kong. From Hong Kong police inspecter a long time ago, which leads the sort of the medical team to rush in to defibrillate him. Bond immediately stops whim hop breathing, wakes up heart rate. I'm just a shit out of a doctor. No, no, he doesn't punch the doctor. What he does is he, there are two doctors in a nurse. The nurse gives him mouth to mouth for a bit.

And then he grabs the defibrillator pads and hits one doctor with one defibrillator pad. He looms him instantly. Yes, and what happens when you are hit with a defibrillator pad is you fall down and you go, oh, and that's what these guys you see them be like, oh, that's 20, that's much of electrical damage. And then you'll fuck this would do serious damage to these people.

It would be sad to get a tack. You'll be able to see men forever. Yeah, no, it's bad. Absolutely. Absolutely. But Bond, then sexually harasses this nurse. He's like, thanks for the curse of life. Simply leaves. He simply books it.

He's on a Royal Navy destroyer because the Royal Navy is cool. And he's in Hong Kong. He swims across the harbor. I don't know. Also, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, patient scrubs, he's covered in hair. And he, in what is meant to be a sort of a comics scene, he walks across the lobby and is just like, oh, giving me the presidential suite as usual to the guy. So you know what? This is, this is, this is Bondini Danger Field at this point because the, the stuck up

collar years is like, oh, we would never rent a, the presidential suite to a ragamuffin such as yourself, who is then, of course, the, the, the would never rent a, the presidential suite to a ragamuffin such as yourself. Who is that, of course, the manager, the big guy steps in and is, yeah, Mr. Chang. And it's like, you idiot, this is James Bond. And it's pure catty-shack. That pretty, absolutely. Absolutely. So Chang, of course, remembers Bond. He opens the presidential suite for him. He gets him as fucking suits. He reactivates bond mode. He shaves off his entire fucking beard in one go with just an electric razor and no scissors. Yeah, and the electric razor is clearly sponsored content because he holds it in front

of the camera and gently rotates it for like five, four seconds. And at this point, it's at this point that I had written down, it's in Clare's Domino 7, it's called the lawnmower. This movie was slightly less racist about Korea than I remember. Therefore, we must be in for some real racism. And so Bond opens the door too. I'm peaceful fountains of desire, the masseuse. Peaceful fountains of desire, masseuse. Yeah, what a regular, you know, you could just ask someone what their name is. Think about Chinese business.

You're writing this, they are regularly named things like peaceful fountains of desire than masseuse. I'm pretty certain of this. I don't know. I took this as like, this is, this is just like, she performs this for guests like. I guess. I guess. It's kind of in the universe slightly inappropriate, you know.

We already had a mere two movies ago, a very competent Chinese secret agent that Bonters worked with before, anyway, whatever. Never wanna bring any of those guys, but it's the same as like, whenever they had a Soviet agent, they never used agent triple X together. Yeah, it's a sister one, yeah.

Yeah, it's a sister. So Bon, she tries to seduce bond, bond sees immediately that she has a dick bulge or in this case, like a gun. Do you get the drop of her saying lie down on the bed face down? No, sadly not. So could you please activate your glowing wheat spot, Mr. Bond? I just conceptualize that audience. Thank you. Just go into your mind, Pat. Let me think about a woman telling you to lie down on the bed. But Bond then throws this gun through a mirror to reveal Chang and a bunch of other guys like recording him because they're Chinese in television.

Yeah, I wish I read all the long when I was recorded having sex in our hotel room in fucking. Yeah, by Rose the Clip who shoe ice, she's a man with this movie. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. When I was the same guy, he tells Chang, okay, listen, you want that, because the reason why Zao is in jail in North Korea is because he had killed some Chinese agents trying

to do peace talks. So you should sponsor me to go and kill him. And this is very funny because Bond's response to being accused of treason is to immediately go and do some treason. Yeah, it's cool. It's so good. Yeah. Like, like James Bond based, James Bond,

and now agents of the people's Republic of China. Like, I mean, at this point, he is just on the payroll, right? Like he's working for them. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, he's at least like, we're doing it for the hotel room and they give him a passport.

Yeah. They say communist don't know how to have fun. They say, Zau is in Havana, so go go and Chang Chang has a cool line. He's like, if you see Mr. Zau, please tell him goodbye from us. Which is cool. It's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Chang so far, one of the one of the coolest characters in this film, I think, carries yourself with a real sort of quiet intensity. He's the only one who likes like a spine. Yeah,

100%. But also bond is you know it is he's he's got Tory MP brain because all you need to do to get him to be a trader to his country Like that he's like sworn to be an agent for us be like here's a nice hotel room and a meal Randid razor an electric razor. I will do anything for you. There's a membership of the jockey club It's from Tiny Ferditure. So of course Bond going to next location is Havana, and that means we have to get some Havana music, which is Spanish guitar. Yeah, I also wrote down Cuban music.

Yeah, Cuban music. And Bond goes to visit Zukowski Brackett's Cuban, a guy called Raoul. Oh my god, you're right. He's just Zukowski. Who is like a sort of a deep cover MI6 agent but like who hasn't been reactivated for years. And he has a fascinating line right?

Because Bond tries to find Zell right and he said and And Raoul tells them he's on this. He says there's a strange clinic There's a strange clinic So it's a lot like the clinic that makes you gay from never saying ever again I hear that they're very good in I hear that they're very good in uh... I hear that they're very good strange connects in Cuba You're too much to make more mayor Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So this is incidentally this is literally I have a great time right this is just a Bond movie about Bond movies. They're just kind of remixing and replay make more than any previous one. They're just remixing. There is a reason why we've why we've been doing

the when I was the same guy joke and it's because that all of these are remixes. But yeah no. Also this clinic, this strange clinic is literally on a place called Iladilos Organos. If you want to just sort of the level of the subtlety that we brought here. And we're all says we may have lost our freedom in the revolution, but we have a health system second to none. Heavy heavy. You're not afraid of me. I'm not afraid of the revolution. Did you?

It's not enough in the fucking revolution. I'll tell you. Yeah. Running like a single factory. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I really missed the days where we had all that freedom under a bettie. I used to have to pay these people. Kill James Bond. I know. Kill James Bond, uncritically supporting the Cuban people's revolution. These Castro dick riders are gaslighting Cuban always. John Luke Pecorgi is going to fucking out us again over that one. Get wrecked. Absolutely. Bond goes to the strange clinic.

And where he goes to the coast where you get a boat. What I may say, one small thing. Oh, why not? This is what the conversation between Raoul and Bond, right? When they talk about Zau, I thought that was really interesting, because they talk about how Zau is motivated by no ideology, basically not even wealth. He just more or less loves evil. Which is like for a nut. Yeah, he's an agent of chaos, he's an nihilist,

he's gonna piss on Bond's rug. The thing is, when we talked about, I mean, I don't wanna, when we talked about like, sort of terrorism and how blarism can, like thought about terrorists, this is the blareight vision of what a terrorist was. Someone from elsewhere who is motivated by nothing but anti-ness, right?

Nothing but evil, nothing but a desire to destroy. He's a purely a hater, and there is nothing else motivating him. It's like, in addition to all the other stuff, this is the most Blareight bond villain. I think that we've seen in a while. So the bond? There is a moment in the opening scene with Colonel Moon, where Moon says to bond, Lairite Bond villain. I think that we've seen in a while. So it's a bond. There is a moment in the opening scene with Colonel Moon, where Moon says to Bond, you will live to see the day

when all Korea is ruled by the North. That's supposed to be his driving animus. And that's like a really weird way of phrasing it because as I understand it, like the North Koreans wouldn't even really express it in those terms. It's like reunification. Yeah, what's your country? There isn't a fucking North career at terms. No, it's re-unification. Yeah, what do I call them?

Yeah, I think there isn't a fucking North career at a South where there's a fucking career. Yeah, there's a career in a best career. And I just might. Yeah, my notes say, how did Korea get divided? Question mark doesn't matter when I'm not going to address it. I'm just like, yeah, they do try and give him some justification, but it is really weird.

And you're right running. That's how it's just like, it's just like, it's a long-haired justification. But how is this weird. And you're right running that Zau is just like, you know, the more you have just a vacation, but Zau is this, is he's the guy that's like the Blair right terrorist. He's crazy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Did Diamond joke where? Twisted.

So, Vaughn goes to the photo by the arm. There, he sees jerk Vandeclur again, who is being very South African. And like, Is it the same guy? I'm not sure if it is. Also, South Africans, or Afro- It's only once or the African- The same guy. It's just one of them. It's the same guy? I'm not sure if it is also Africans or African. So that's the African's the same guy.

It's just like the same guy. It's Piano Valley. It's Oscar Pistorius. It's the same man. Bond girl brackets bad. Oh, no brackets good. This is brackets good bond girl for this one. There are two.

It's it's it's it's how many coming out of the ocean doing a honey ride. A phenomenal, you know, no, no, it's suckered around. Yeah, her's suckered around. Yeah, her name is Jinx and at this point, Pierce Brosnan forgets what accent James Bond has. So I, I, I clip this fantastic line read. I have friends call me James Bond.

Jinx, you say. Jinx, you say. Delighted. It's not in James Bond. What? Have you seen the wonders of the motor car? Lawshank, please California. Have a conversation, which is just it's couch in so much, they're flirting, but also they're both like that sort of both aware their spies, but the effect of it's, that it's just two Chinese rooms conversing. Like, I... It's like two chatbots, but it's generally no line best, any relation to any other.

Yeah, they talk about like, predators and prey a lot, and then... Only predators come out at night when they come out there, they feast at night time. By bond to the day, they've been written by a Markov chain. Yeah, absolutely. I think your character is good. This is two Chinese rooms interacting with one another is basically perfect. Like, this scene does not pass a touring test at all.

And what the predators do at night, Jink says, they feast like there's no tomorrow. And then they fuck. I know. They sleep mostly, I think. But I think but like yeah no but Bond and jinx fuck to 24 to 24 on the pussy clock. So that is it's faster than gold finger was. So it's it's a very very quick time but it's still nowhere near Roger Moore's record of 50 to I appreciate a bond sort of like trade craft here of going to location and immediately laser focusing on the nearest woman. And then just like having sex with her.

She even says like, are you always this frisky? And he says, I've missed the touch of a good woman. And then she does knife. Yeah. Yeah. During during this scene, Jinks eats a fig and it's worth noting, but during the filming of this scene, Halle Berry choked on this fig, requiring his pros and two perform the Heimlich Louver.

Oh no. Oh wow. I also wrote down here, you know, this is a lot like that other time, my head sex with a black female CIA agent when I was the same guy. Hopefully it won't end that badly. Oh yeah.

So Bond then has to like devise a way onto the island of organs and the way in which he does that is he gets good. It's a secret. I wrote down in all caps, Abelus James Bond. I will be talking about this scene for the next hour. Bond goes to Jerk Vanderkloek's room with a wheelchair and Jerk Vanderkloek says, I don't need a wheelchair. And Bond says,

oh, no, you do, and punches him unconscious, puts him in the wheelchair. And then like, uses that as like his cover to get onto the island. We have seen jerk Vanderklaug be an asshole in a previous scene. So, yeah. And where is J.W. Pepper? Yes. Where is he? There's a woman in lingerie on his bed who is just there as a prop. Yeah. And she's like, oh, hi. She doesn't seem perturbed by any of this at all.

So Bond infiltrates organ island. And then in order to get through a doorway, which has two guys guarding it, he does the best maneuver in the whole fucking theory. Before you say what it is, I wanna know here that they give this spy music like it's impressive. Dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada. Spinning 007 as he does what?

What he does is he takes the wheelchair with the guy, he like goes off ways, turns him around, and then he just, uh, perfectly rolls the guy in the wheelchair across the corridor so that he falls out of it. He does it. He does it. He does it.

Run to check on him. There is a perfect gif of this. There is a perfect still of Pierce Brosdon. So they're like, ha, like a wind sprint position after throwing this guy, it's perfect. It's perfect. Bond, Bond not only uses a villain's disability against them here, he invents a villain's disability and uses that against someone else. It's genuinely the natural evolution of Ableist bonders to start creating the illnesses that you exploit. Absolutely. So we see that jinx and bond are infiltrating

the hospital the same time separately. Jinx is trying to kill the like lead doctor whose name is Alvarez. Bond is looking for Zau. And what they independently discover is that this is the clinic that makes you white. Yep. That's it was founded by the scientist Yakuob in Central America and the story of times. Yeah, and he uses the horn on energy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Why did he do it? Yakuob, come on, man. He sees Zao in there getting gene replacement therapy, which is they suck out all of your bone marrow and then replace it with white people bone marrow and that makes you white. Yes. Yeah, we see a little thing on a computer reader where it's like, what Zao currently

looks like versus what they are going to turn him into? And you only see it for a second, but the guy they're going to turn him into just looks exactly like Owen Jones. Yeah, very funny. The clinic that makes you Owen Jones, yeah. Exactly. I mean, it explains a lot of what Owen Jones has never yet confirmed to be that he is not a North Korean man in disguise. So impossible to know. I think this would explain, you know, I think a lot of sort of people that like to angrily

quote to even reply to him on Twitter might say, of course, it turns out he was a North Korean general. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, so Bond tries to kill Zao at this point. There's another natural evolution of Ableist Bond is breaking into a hospital to fight the patients. Yeah, but he wakes him up by squeezing his IV bag. I've just realized as well.

Bond has already had racial alteration surgery. Like, yes. Yeah. He must be very familiar to him. This is just like the clinic that's the same. They make you Japanese. He went to the reverse clinic of this to become Japanese, yes. He must have gone here to turn back.

Yeah, like, oh, James, I'm talking about it. This is where he goes. Every time he's a new actor, he just goes to the clinic and gets in the first place. So, okay, yeah, no, I believe it now. Fully, that's what happens, which part of it was. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so the diamonds in his face, which like, there's no plan to remove those and the white guy they want to turn them into, oh and Jones, doesn't have any diamonds in his face, so I don't know if they're just going to get to those later all. It was like, they'll be really easy to remove.

I guess, but like, yeah, no, he's, he's bald now and he's like, whiter, he looks kind of like a, like a white walker from Game of Thrones, I guess. Scott Blue Eyes. Yeah. So, Eyes. Yeah. So Bond. He escapes. Bond tries to kill him, but Zau escapes, and he, he, he like sprints for the exit. Bond and Jinks go after him, she blows up part of the fucking clinic.

And then in order to escape on her own, she gets, hmm. So during this scene, debris from a smoke grenade landed in Halle Berry's eye and she required a 30 minute operation to remove it. She is this Christ Halle Berry. How much do you suffer for this? Halle Berry just completely going through it in the production of this movie. Oh my God. It doesn't show because it looks like she's having an amazing time. No, she is having an amazing time. I mean, she's having an amazing time. She said that she would do this again for free,

but like she's just like an Indian's. She's like an Indian's. Harold Sikata, you know, she's doing all of this shit and it's just really happening to her. Yeah, so she almost gets captured. She gets backed up against like a big drop off a cliff. And so the way that she escapes is to do the worst CGI dive you've ever seen. Oh yeah, it's bad. It's real bad. She like leans backwards without her back moving

at all and just goes over and escapes. Yeah, they basically put her on one of the, I think they put her in the green screen suit, green screener in and then just put her on one of those heart rate test tilt tables that you go on if you have a heart condition if they want to see what style to stress you out, that's what happened. Let's just put her on the body of one of those dead or alive volleyball barriers. Oh, and Bond finds a diamond. He finds some diamonds from I guess, Zao's face. Yeah, he gets next clue. Oh, no, it was in his necklace. This is necklace. It was what he was using to pay the clinic. Okay, well, he finds those diamonds. No, it was in his necklace. It was what he was using to pay the clinic.

Okay, well he finds those diamonds. He brings them back to a Zukowski brackets Cuban, who finds a maker's mark on them from Gustav Graves, billionaire industrialists. But curiously, the diamond itself is a Sierra Leonean conflict diamond. So it's like being laundered by this guy Graves who is claiming to mine them in Iceland. Not entirely clear how you can tell. He says that chemically identical to South African conflict diamonds and might not say what, that

carbon, like all diamonds can it? It's somewhat reasonable that there would be some mix and some imperfections, but it's not, yeah, I don't know. It's a little strange. Here's the thing, there is a way to determine that diamonds aren't conflict diamonds, but like so many things, it's nothing to do with like a special laser that you shoot into the diamond to see if it's the real thing.

It's just documenting every step of work at concern, it's called the Kimberly process. it's the real thing. It's just documenting every step of where it comes from. It's called the Kimberly process. It's the real thing. We do. So, so bonds like, I gotta go find Gustav Graves. And at this one, we see Gustav Graves. We're doing the moon rick of thing again, like because he's he's got the diamonds on him. And bonds says, right, well, I, I immediately suspect Gustav Graves diamond billionaire. But it could, why him? It could have been anyone in his organization. He's a famous artist.

He stole them. He's his name. But he could have stolen them. He could have found them. They might not be connected to the doll. It's really fucking tenuous. His name is Gustav Graves. It sounds pretty fucked up.

It's a moon-like thing again. We're just going, some things fucked up. My computer's broken. Go and find Bill Gates. We see Gustav Graves and here the non-sparer shoot makes a return from the spy who loved me. Which I like because this guy is obviously a villain and they're like, okay, let's make him do the shit that bonds.

Oh, he's like 20 years ago. He's a dark mirror of James Bond. That's James Bond. That's James Bond. Never been done before. It's fine. At least we didn't fucking make's never been done before. It's fine. At least we can make him a large blonde man. It's fine. We see him parachuting under the non-sparachute with the Union Jacken on it into Buckingham

Palace to go and get knighted. And he's the smuggest looking British man you've ever heard. Incredible. Incredible. He delivers this fantastic line because we learn that his passion is fencing and he says with this ultimate British sneer. As they say I'm fencing. What's the point?

Which is purely a John Taliban line. I guess I don't know what they say in the fencing business. Yes, but also. He played by an actor named Toby Stevens who is so good. I love him. I love him in this. He plays this character in everything I've ever seen him in. He was one of the villains in the sharp remakes like he's so fantastic. If you want, he is your man. Yeah, but the thing is, he's amazing. No, the thing that I wrote down, he isn't even my low, he's some miles Axelrod from cars too. He has the exact same affect as some miles Axelrod, the Land Rover from Car's Land Rover.

From Car's to play the games. That's right. He has the same smirk even I posted about on the account. It's extremely frantic. The fan's rover. Yes. My two notes here, I've got only two. The first one is that just in comparison, they've done like shots, you've been in Cuba,

you've been nominally in North Korea, like there are beautiful parts of the world, and then it does an aerial shot of London, and I just wrote, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck's sake. God, sake. And the second thing is he offhandedly mentions fencing, and it's just like, ah, he fences now.

And I'm time to go to fencing location. Not yet, because Bond has to come to London in order to see this. And the way that he does this is he gets on a British Airlines flight and a little commercial for British Airlines gets this fucking little nontz martini while the clashes London calling.

Like fuck off. It's a- It's a- Oh, it's a- It's a- London calling, I'm fucking hitting snooze, fuck this. The thing about London calling is, it's a song about going to London

and that's why it's apt here. Also, do you feel a lot of movies like this, they like to set up, they look, okay, right now, remember, Bond is currently a fugitive from the British state and intelligence services, right? Blind by two Britain on British airways under his own name.

Yes, yes. What they love to do is they love to set up these problems and then just sort of live in the world of that problem for like as long as it takes for that problem to be boring to write about, then they forget about it pretend it's not there. Which is incredibly lazy writing. Yeah, this happens every time Bond goes like goes rogue, which by my count is like three or four in the whole series is whichever M it is is like right, hunts them to the ends of the earth or until you get bored. I get a lot of like all right, whatever.

Well, he's bound to come over here at some point. I guess we'll definitely swing through. Just give it a bit. So Bond goes to Graves' Fencing Club, where Madonna is there for some fucking reason as a fencing instructor. It has amazing dress though. I love that leather lace-up back dress. Oh my. It has this amazing dress though. I can't get out. Love that leather lace-up back dress.

Oh my God. I messed this actually. I didn't realize that was Madonna. I'll be honest with you. That's Madonna. That is Madonna. She's absolutely fucking well-ordered into that course. And now totally a five minute conversation

that really contributes to the plot and character development. She's like, are you? She's like, are you? You seem horny. Like genuinely, his line is, and this is such a weird line read I had to capture it. I have been on to keep my tip up. Like, I'm not sure why that appeals to me. Yeah, my penis points way up. Yeah, my penis points all the way up. You're not easy. Because all the way up into the Ingramoke

now. Yes. Is this? We learn a little something about Miranda Frost, the very, very English blonde lady who's Gustav Graves' publicist. And Sparring partner. We learn that she's an amazing fencer and sparring partner. She won gold at the Sydney Olympics when her opponent overdosed on steroids. That will become important later.

Yes. Fences. And Bond does his signature move. Sterilize. Bond, Bond, but Broston Bond does his signature move. Sterling. Bond, Bond, Bond, Broston Bond does the classic Broston Bond move. I'm telling you, it's his thing. He can simply walk.

Oh, time. Walks up to the guy. Shows him the evidence of the crime he knows he's committed and suavely goes, hey, you are doing a crime. Yeah. Do any crimes lately? How about this crime you did? Remember that?

Criminal says why? You did it recently. He used him the fucking diamond with his mark on it that he took from Zal. And he's like, yeah, maybe we could fence for this. Mm. Yeah, it's the octopus he think again. And then, and then, and then,

and then, good stuff, guys stuff goes well diamonds off for everyone Sucking our own Dix That's not for the last time and space laser we have fuck you. I'm gonna Anyway, they have a sword fight they have a sword fight the good good stuff graves Anyway, they have a sword fight. They have a sword fight. Good stuff, Graves, like his thing is like, you know, he's provoked by Bond into fighting to first blood instead of points

for the diamond. And we see that Graves' thing is he gets super, super angry for some reason. He gets like uncontrollably mad. And like, he almost kills Bond. Also, they fight through this entire club at once every sword in the fucking book. Here's the thing. There's a little, there's a little bit of a racial subtext here because by the end of it, Graves has a katana and Bond has a Claymore.

So it's a kind of a fucking... I'm so glad you noted that as well. It's very interesting. Yeah, but Graves knocks over this stand of katanas and he's like, I'm so glad you noted that as well. It's very interesting. Yeah, but it's crazy. Knocks over this stand of katanas and he's like, I'm going to use this for some reason, not important. So yeah, Bond wins just about.

And we see, we know the katanas not a Korean weapon. No, but the movie doesn't. So the thing is, one of the things that I think Toby Stevens does quite well is that once Bond wins, he switches instantly back into like, affable British sneer mode. It's just like, it's only a little bit of sport, isn't it? I don't know why I always got a more. Seems to be in me, Mr. Blunt. Yeah, too little bit of sport. Just a little bit of support. So, never support. I'm a fan of stuff. I'm blown on my birthday with you.

He says, oh, I'm doing a little bit of a scientific demonstration in Iceland this weekend. You should come on by. Yeah. You do pop on by to the ice hotel, Mr. Chaper. Yeah. You who, we and I have been locked in a life or death battle, you who are clearly some kind of agent of the state that has presented me with evidence of what I'm trying to do.

Even if I didn't know that already, for reasons that we'll get to. Yes. Why don't you come to my secret villain lab so I can kill you with a series of slow moving lasers? Mm-hmm. Bon. I've developed a new fuel. Hold on a little.

It's going to be. Bond flirts out rages with Miranda Frost and she's just like no It's very good. Yeah, yeah, it what would be well. Yes, I mean it would be but the thing is that Miranda Frost every every fucking scene She's like I'm not going to have sex with James Bond I'm not going to have sex with the camera. He's right. You're not going to have sex with him. I know you're going to fucking do it. That's right. I refuse.

So M secretly brings Bond back into the fold by giving him a key to an abandoned tube station. And he walks around, he goes, oh, it's the abandoned station for abandoned agents. And they use the site in and skyfall again. Yes, they talk about how the world has changed. And at this point, I wrote down, does Bond know that 9-11 has happened? And if so, how does he know?

He's just getting on the plane back to London. I was scared, he's really scared. What the fuck? Do I have to take my shoes off? What? He's just getting on the plane back to London. My was curious. He's really scared of. What's going on? What's going on? Do I have to take my shoes off? What? Where did this come in?

James Bond. What do you mean I have to give you my box, my head and his, but he genuinely doesn't know about it and never learns. Yeah, Bond never learns what 9-11 is. He's like, why can't I take my author on the plane with me anymore? So bond and then James Bond.

James Bond. So M suspects Gustav Graves and is like, you know, allegedly he found diamonds in Iceland, all of a sudden, their conflict diamonds, because they made a carbon. So anyway, come, come back into the fall, Go to Iceland and find out whether it's his dentist. Once again, as Riley points out, we do this thing of sess up a plot thread and then just forget about it, which is she goes, be careful about this because I guess like Carver and tomorrow never dies, he's politically connected.

That's why this has to be like a secret mission. It's so funny for this just doesn't ever come up again. No, never see the way. Not ever. No, you can't directly confront him because he's politically connected, question mark, and then he just never, ever, ever comes up again. Perfect movie.

Scripted. They ever really do that in the James Bond films. Despite the fact that it would be like a really, really good thing to have. Every, they never every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every I'm James Bond. I work for the British government. How about all those crimes you've been doing? Never never start anyway. So Bond wakes up in his office in MI6 Has not He's cleaning his gun. Yes, an office for some reason. It's so funny to imagine that he has an office He's just in there most of the time

Like whatever is not doing a bond film picture the queen in that he was drinking to and saying mom when he was the same guy I'm sure yeah, you're right. We've seen it once before when he was George Laisenby yeah incidentally because this movie is a massive self-suck it has bonds like framed grant of arms from on her majesty's secret service on the wall uh get us so so so yeah but no gunmen have infiltrated MI6's offices for the second for the second time after the time when bond brought a massive bomb in them um and so bond has to like shoot his way through uh he shoots his way into M's office where M is being held hostage by a masked man on shoot her in the shoulder, shoots the gunman and it was revealed that he's been so fucking, he's been playing the fucking Oculus Rift. Yeah, he's on that vibe. He's on the bond

hollow deck. I don't know why they have this. It's a little pair of sunglasses that let you fucking. What's this product placement for? Because it comes out of nowhere and contributes nothing to the film. It has to have been up and this. Yeah. This is the metaverse. This is bond predicting the metaverse. It's going to a meeting with Mark Zuckerberg. It's so fucking stupid. It's $7.

There's no reason to have this. When does nothing go to the last guy? There's a little slow-mo effect. Does the guy fly through the air and there's a swish? Oh, there's an odd so glad you brought up a slow mo. They keep doing slow mo. And it's so bad every fucking time. There's a slow mo shot later of a guy like flapping his cloak

over his shoulder. It's, you all right, that one's good. Yeah, that's the unit. It's the slow mo of of a like master P video from the 1990s but it's trying to give the effect of being the slow mo from what would be 300 but it ends up it's not looking like a low-budget rap video. So it's so like cute.

No, it's the fucking first post matrix bond. That's one of this. You're right. It is. It is. I said this in the pre-short, they have like matrix envy. Oh, fuck yeah, you did. So Q is John Cleese now. And John Cleese is slightly sort of more annoying as Q.

And he's like clearly setting this up for, oh, I'm going to be Q forever. I will never be replaced by a twink. I know, it will never happened, Bames. Uh-huh. Get him out of here. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy.

One movie only. Turns out we can cancel you asshole. Yeah, the fuck out of here. But he walks him through the like, sort of like underground room full of like bonds, old shit that they just have in storage. Yeah, but I'm just, again, this movie, yeah, the Crocodile Submarine. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, this move at the crock at our submarine. It's a self-suck. It has the crocodile submarine.

It has the jet pack from Thunderball, from when Bond punched a guy disguised as a woman. It has, uh, Has Rosa Clebs fucking shoe with a nice male? Yes, and what Bond does is he like, flicks the point of this here, which his article was covered in poison. Yeah. and then, and then he holds up that shoe very close to his face and he sniffs that shoe.

Why? Why does he do that? Why do you sniff that shoe, buddy? What's going on here? But he also, when he touches the jetpack, he says, does this still work? Which means he's the same fucking... Yeah, he remembers using it in fucking foldable. The man, foldable.

What you have to remember, right, is that at a big organization, they always keep a museum of every employee. That's just what happens, right? At my day job, there's big museum... That's true. ...of all this stuff. It's totally normal just to be like, it's like a little physical scrapbook.

That's why commercial rents are so much because they need to have the little museum of every employee that's ever been there. Yeah, it's honestly nice. Also, the script, the script for this fucking scene, you know that they would just say like, fuck, this is so tightly written, holy shit. They've got so many fucking gadgets, man.

And the gadgets here are dumb, and they ever have been, and I think ever will be. Yeah. They give him a ring that can like, shassar, shassar, prove glass. And they give him an invisible car. They give him a watch and John Cleese goes, my man, this is your 20th watch, double snd, because this is the 20th Bond movie, aren't we good? Hmm. H. I guess this is your 20th watch, double S&M, because this is the 20th Bond movie, aren't we good? Mm. Eightness.

The invisible car, Aston Martin call it the vanquish, we call it the vanish. Shh. It turns invisible, it's got guns in it. Mm. So it's got your list. The cue gives him the manual, and it's really big and bond like throws it in front

of the target, seeking shotguns and blows it up. he goes oh a shot through it in a couple of seconds Like that Also that is the general theme of this movie But it's very it is very fun that they were like by the way We know that you're gonna have to have again another car chase that's gonna kind of drag for 15 minutes or so later on. So we have given you enough. This will come in useful in your combat place. We have given you enough weapons on this thing

to try to do a new thing every minute and a half for about 15 minutes. Yes. Ghost Iceland, meanwhile, we go back to M's office where we see that Miranda Frost is an MI6 agent. We also learn that MI6 has a culture of sexual harassment because M says, you've been a very, very good agent. You've been absolutely ticked all the boxes. You haven't fraternised with any of your fellow agents despite advances. And I'm like, how fucking often are colleagues

making passes at her in the worst? She's quite severe. She's got this tight pony tail. And she's like, I think James Bond is an absolute piece of shit, can't useless spy. I would never have sex with him. I would never have sex with James Bond. If at some point you would like to have sex, James Bond, you should definitely do that.

Also, James Bond. This scene was shot on Rosemond's Pikes first day on set. Just instantly across from Judy Dunn. Oh, me. Yeah. So, so yeah. Damn, I hate it when you have to have your first day on set and you're immediately across from the lead actor is it she she just goes

I think bond is a blunt instrument designed to provoke and confront and then says yeah, that's why I fucking like him God night baby That's what I'm like actually it's based It is not cringe. It's based So go to Iceland. Go to Iceland, keep an eye on him. And have sex with him if you want. And she's like, I don't want it.

I genuinely like, we're doing a little bit of a bit here, audience. But like genuinely the vibe is, if you feel like you'd like to have sex with James Bond, do you go ahead? Why not? Everyone else from the end. And the thing is here, I kind of was on the fence about whether Frost was supposed to be gay or not. And then I realized that that would be too progressive for a movie in 2002.

So no, instead she's just a bitch. She's just a genius. She's just a ice queen, something that bond calls her to her face in the next scene. In the ice politics like, oh, Parasavise, you must feel quite at home. She's like, fuck off. It's, it's, it's, it's bond basically written by one of those guys that post like a picture

of an attractive woman being like, how would you open? You know, he just being like, I'd call her an ice, I try to insult her based on the location. Well, I would simply do the month. Yo, take your girl to the ice palace on the first day. Everybody goes to Iceland, but they have an ice hotel and ice palace,

a palace made of ice. It's where blind evictions, no one here called enough to have a fucking ice palace in Iceland. Yeah, and ice, not even close. Not even close. It's not a lot of ice, bitch. That's enough, a a fucking ice palace in Iceland. Yeah, and ice not even close. Not a lot of ice, bitch. That's enough. A lot of ice, bitch.

He goes to the ice mind palace. Gustav Graves has a rocket car that he uses to do like cool playboy stuff, like set record attempts or whatever. And then we see Devon, you have a, you have a system, a science-based. I do. I have a fuck. I, I spend months putting together my perfect fucking theory of guys in a Bond film that you have missed a surname

and you've got Mongo from Blazing Saddles. But it turns out that I'm fucked up. Like Electromagneticism, the weakest talent force, you do them out far enough, you can synthesize them into one guy and it is guy. Yeah, because we meet a guy, big Maori guy who goes, I'm Mr. Kill. Mr. Kill. That is, that is two lines in the movie, by the way.

So cherish that. Genuinely extremely good. I mean, there's more lines than they fucking gave the Mongo in the previous one. So far, I'm not. Who was the Mongo in the previous one? Before that, we had Mr. Stamper, who was the Mr. Sur name, but like,

that was the Mongo. No, you had Mr. Stamper. No, you Mr. Sir name, but like... No, you had Mr. Mongo. No, you had Mr. Mongo. ...and then you had... Oh, you're right. ...you had a Mongo, but I don't remember his fucking name. So you never said it out loud, so whatever. Not important, not important.

So, yeah, no. Gustav Graves is there to demonstrate this thing called Icarus, that he's developed, which is you put a big mirror in space and you create a second sun, and can use that. A second diamond space laser has struck the kitchen. I'm cheering. I'm hooting and hollering to see another diamond space laser. And he's like, oh, well, maybe you could use this to grow crops or something. That's it. You have a day to bring it. I'll just exist. He just doesn't even try to justify it. If only we had some way of warming the earth more.

Just that like... They just thought that they thought that they really... We need a little space laser. Oh shit, we're already filming. We forgot to say his cover story as to why he's got it. And we have 10 minutes before we have to release the movie. Someone think of something quickly. Yeah.

Like, at this point, we're an hour into the movie and the plot has yet to materialize. But the laser, and I'm like, okay, laser. All right, I understand now. I'm back in the fucking seat. Let's go. Also, then they make give away the twist. The Zau shows up. And she, yeah.

And sees Gustav Graves in the machine that makes you white that he has to use because he can't sleep anymore. He has to like sleep in the special machine. And he goes, oh, how? It's never explored again. It's a side effect of the machine that makes you lean out. And so, and so, and so, Zell just goes, how's it going, General? What's it like being white? And I'm a genius. Have've seen it. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it?

Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it?

Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it?

Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Have you At this point, I do want to know Tan Sun Moon is one of the worst attempts at creating it, but also it's a suntan joke to get that because of the Icarus space laser. Yeah, because, yeah, because, because, because Koreans of names. So Bond tries to infiltrate Graves' quarters and he almost gets caught and the way that he escapes is to sexually assault Miranda Frost. She shows up like, what are you doing here? And he kisses her so the security guards don't look and he's like, wait, you could see more into it. Why wouldn't the security guards look so gross? Are you just allowed to like trespass

if you're making out? It's not your fucking lover's lane, right? It's not like it makes some sense when they did it in fucking Ronin because they were in France. But it doesn't gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross side in Iceland at night. Yeah. At 20. You know, you're not going to be having sex. I don't care how much you keep your tip up. James, we're not going to have sex. We're not going to, I'm not going to have sex with you. Smash cut to them having sex on an ice bed, which, I don't know, chief. Okay, so, so, yeah, yeah, Jinx has also done some actual

spy work and has been caught and has been men as a big business. There's one thing, there's one thing,'s one thing when she does the spy work to get captured, I also wrote down, ah, this is a lot like the time the other time when a foreign agent had a grappling hook on a belt buckle on their leather cat suit. Two movies ago. I hate these movies so much. Bond tries to sneak into Gustav's graves quarters, gets immediately caught, then has to kiss Miranda for cover, goes back to his hotel room, shags her, and then immediately goes back

to the mine. James Bond genuinely just took a break from his mission to shag. James Bond. And then immediately goes back to work, like, what the fuck? James Bond. Did you genuinely just take a fuck break on the job? Yes, yes. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, lasers that are real for Jason. Check this out. And then we've got this. And then a second laser, he goes, okay, I'm just going to shoot you now.

And Mr. Kill on the most affronted tone just goes, we use the laser. It's just the most I've ever liked him. It's just like, why do you tell her about this if we're not going to use this? What do you mean we're not going to kill her with the laser? Give me the fucking laser control. So it's, Zau, Zau says nothing, he just looks in for a second and just hands over the controls. Yeah, fine.

Yeah, do you use the laser? Zau respects a guy who's having fun. I don't know. Why, if they're okay, there's two questions, right? They're a diamond mine. And like, they're not a diamond mine. Why have the laser? It's like, I don't know, a Turkish restaurant having like a machining late

It just doesn't make any sense, but also How like where are they getting the diamonds then was it just that one drop off? I've been just sustaining this on that one drop off from Korea So yeah, yeah, so the also two gay men smuggling the men from Also, there is one other thing Why while bond is having sex with Miranda we're gonna make it through to this she goes I can't have sex with you at all you're a double Oh and he says the most non-spossible phrase you can ever say during sex, it's only a number.

No, thank you. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so so, so so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the thing. It seems exactly the same thing. Yeah, literally. It seems exactly the same thing. Because it's done for the ice. Brakes in, bond and Mr. Kill fight in the laser room. Oh, I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

So strappy. Yeah, give me like half an hour on this. Yeah, here's my type five. So they fucking fight in this goddamn laser room. And at some points on nox the control. So the lasers just fight in this goddamn laser room and at some points on knocks the control So the lasers just go in everywhere that cut and threw various bits of scenery But hey, it's a shock They have the lasers have like mathematically no threat at all because they choreograph this fight

And then they were just like yeah, we'll put the lasers in afterwards and it'll look sick and the result of that is that the lasers have no Impact on the choreography of the fight at all. Like the laser just not be there. It's they have no fucking effect on the fight. Why would you have a fight with lasers? If the lasers aren't gonna, they also look like shit. They look like shit.

I'll tell you exactly what happened is that, well, watching this before making this rather they watched the matrix They also watched in trapment And then they watched every other bond movie and we're like, oh, okay I guess we got to put in these things you know laser fight scene and some slow-mo But once again they do it with all the aesthetics of a master P music video. It's really really bad Jinx sees his control the laser, kills Mr. Kyl with the laser,

while he's trying to stab Bond with a hair comb. And then Bond gets to be smug while she's still tied to the fucking laser thing. He comes up to her and he's like, The girl is a rage to be tied down. It's like, dude, don't fucking come on. What are we quippin' now? Equipin'?

He's quippin', he's quippin'. He's quippin', quippin'. Also getting beaten by a smiddy. Let the cat suit in ice cream and winter. Yeah, so, so, Jinx escapes. And Bond tells her, go and find Miranda Frost. She's a British artist. But also, don't forget, leather cat suit.

It's because they watched Entrapment uh, entrapment. Yeah. Um, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, yeah, he fully just like, you think it's out, but he's Colonel Moon. Yeah, he's like, yo, hey Colonel. Yeah, and at this point, Colonel Moon hits him with the, actually, I have a dark mirror of you, James Bond. And it really doesn't wound James Bond emotionally to the extent that he must have owed. Well, also, it's because they haven't really set us up for this sort of, like, is in the Daniel Craig movies,

at least make a kind of gesture towards, we are going to explore the dark sort of like is in the the Daniel Craig movies at least make a kind of gesture towards we are going to explore the dark sort of human side of bond right that's what they're sort of there to do but so they've sort of set but what if all of this stuff isn't so fun but they haven't set that up at all because James Bond's just having super lots of fun being James Bond like he wouldn't care about a dark mirror he would love it. Yeah, the point of the Craig movies is that it sucks to be James Bond, but also he's really hot and cool. Whereas this is just like, isn't it cool to be James Bond? And then the guy's like, yeah, I did this as a bit. It's actually sarcastic. It's a satire of you. James Bond is just like he was given him an ad a deleted scene queue gives him that tank top that says satire must have clarity in purpose

That's what coming useful laser bond. So Miranda Frost comes in and bond is like excellent my backup But Miranda Frost points the gun up bond Uh, and because she's the traitor. Yes She and she set up bond in North Korea. You know what? I'll give him this one. I genuinely didn't see that on coming. Gustav Graves bought her loyalty by killing her opponent, giving her the gold medal and fencing it's certainly by default. And she has taken all of the bullets out of Bond's gun

and she has set him up to be killed. It's kind of a cheap way to buy someone's lifelong loyalty. Yeah, well, I mean. I mean, if you killed a guy for me, I'd at least be like, cheers. Like, Alice got my lifelong loyalty by starting a podcast. Thank you. They do seem to have this like shared sadism

as the other thing. So like they're like, oh, we both, we both enjoy killing. Um, come on, Mr Bond. Bond, but Bond then uses his, yeah, me and me and my partner and evil saw you from across the ice palace. We really dig your vibe. Bond uses the fucking like, the, the, the glass ring to shattered the stupid glass floor that they're of course on and escape. Halle Berry gets locks in a room by fucking Miranda Frost. She's just like, okay, I'm just going to lock you in this room. Bye.

Again, there's a little bit of question Mark Lesbian here because she kind of flirts with her a little bit. She tries to stroke her boob almost and she's like, oh, it's beautiful. She also weirdly says like, she says, oh, yeah, because like, Hollywood kicks a guard and she goes, oh, yeah, you've got nice moves. By the way, so did James Bond, whose dick was in my pussy last night. She weirdly wracked. Yeah, really weird. Um, that Bond gets in the rocket sled and he escapes and the movie starts get the movie starts get this is the this is the point which it becomes the most

the star of the game finale Spacelaser yeah guess what the Icarus is actually a big space yeah great turns the Icarus on him the Icarus is controlled by a a a compact track ball mouse which I just I just love that. It's the main character of the movie.

It's perfect. To me, absolutely. Delightful, delightful stuff. Well, this is where I said in on our group chat, right? This is for me where the movie becomes a proto-marble movie, right? Because it's just energy beams, indestructibility,... more than usual uh... the fucking uh... the the the the wind surfing down

and uh... the the the cliff and everything while your hair stays perfectly in order that has no that that happens that happens bond gets like knocked over a cliff and he has to windsurf down horrible CGI the worst CGI of the movie. Can I tell you something, right? I remember I saw this movie when it came out with my parents and this is the point that my parents walked out of the movie. Nice. Was this point? Yeah, so, so.

Oh, no, you've lost the dad on the internet. Oh, other than ironic podcasts, does that's James Bond's biggest audience? Absolutely. So James Bond, like, does some, some wind surfing and does some wind surfing and my dichotomy collapses too, between wet sports and ice sports, because now he's doing fucking both. They lock Jinx in a room, they turn Icarus on the ice palace. So they try and melt the ice palace. Graves leaves in a plane and they leave jinx to drown and bond like drown too. But bond uses his invisibility car.

Yeah, this is what a fucking invisible car just to. Yeah, at this point, we get a fully 20-minute car fight because they'll have his own gadget. He has a gadget, a gadget jaguar to sell more toy cars. How did he get the gadget jaguar? Is that just another thing where it's again, we have potentially interesting things you could explore during the movie. How do they get their crazy shit?

All of these things, I always think that this is such a, this happens in a lot of the films that generally sort of, we as a sort of loose grouping of people watched to talk about, where they hand wave all of the films that generally sort of we as a sort of loose grouping of people watch to talk about where they hand wave all of the stuff that are the difficult practical questions that would make for a more interesting movie because it's a story that you can get it's more engageable with how do they have the that crazy car how do they get the diamonds why do they have those mining lasers these are questions that it's not just a standard little paint by numbers then go here and punch, then go here and punch this guy, go here and punch this guy, quip, sex, etc.

That's right. We have to refuse doggedly to do them. What we get instead is to do this, but the car was semi set up. It was one of the ones in Zal's base right. Was it? Anyway, yes. The cars are driving through the melting ice palace. They're shooting at each other. This culminates in Zell's car pulling a knife on bonds. I just want to be clear. Like, the fucking space laser is melting the ice palace while there's a car chase within it. And I wrote this. Yeah, as fuck. I don't think it does. I think it sucks. I like the reason it doesn't. It's so, I think it's awesome. In January, it has the exact same semi-autics as a guy pulling a switchblade in a fight. Is it pulls this fucking ram out of the bumper? But bondage is out of the way with the invisibility car.

Zal falls into the water and is crushed by a chandelier and killed. Which made. Which made. He rescues, he rescues Halliday by driving a car into her romance, undrowning her by giving her the kiss of life. Great. Whatever. Um, graves. I've got notes left. I'll be honest, I

stop paying any attention. Yeah. Good. Great. Graves, Graves flies to career with uh, Frost. He's trying to do a coup, use Icarus to destroy the DMZ and all the minds in it. So North Korea can invade South Korea. He has to. We get a throwaway line that there was a coup in North Korea last night and now like the hard line has taken over. And it's like, well, okay, I guess it's kind of a

big deal. But then yeah, they're going to use the space laser to blow up the minefield and then simply walk across. Yeah. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, Jinx and Bond infiltrate North Korea again, very easily this time. Sneak onto the plane. Gustav Graves is getting his, his Icarus thing made into a super suit, like he has a mech suit made. Marvel, like a taser in it. My nose say stupid. Stupid.

Yeah, just really fucking bad. He talks to his dad, his dad is like, ah, you have to be honorable because honor is good and then he kills us down. He's literally like, hey dad, I'm right now. And then to his dad's like, what? The line, the line by general moon says, my son, what have you done to yourself? And I was at my notes say, when you come out to your parents. I might not say when you come out to your parents. There is a strange clinic. Yeah, so wait, no, okay, fine.

Gustav's trans done. Can't not translate the moon as trans because he goes to a weird clinic and his dad doesn't accept money more. That's right, and as is correct, he kills his dad. As we all did. That's right. So bond fight. I've got to learn this way, father. I know you listen to this

Bond bond fights graves Jinx tries to hijack the plane and Miranda Frost puts a sword to her neck and then this drop. I just have entirely for personal use Come on That's it. Good girl Miranda Frost is wearing half an outfit. Just about. My notes, I also wrote down good girl. She fights Jink and Jink stabs her through the chest with a knife through a copy of the art of war. And this all takes place in a sort of like pan Asian on board dojo, like they have katanas, they have like Chinese characters, they have the a copy of the art of war. This man is Korean. They are really, they are really

ripping off the matrix like jinx is like doing running up the wall and like backflip and stuff, they have, they're really just like ripping notes out of the Matrix here. It's a genuinely incredible, but degree to which these guys were like, okay, we're going to have a North Korean enemy. Does anyone know anything about Korea at all, to which they went, no, do we think our audience is going to know anything about Korea to which they also went, no, and then they fucking through as much Chinese. I do appreciate it. They also went, no, and then they fucking threw it as much. I do appreciate

Miranda Frost having the most sort of like predatory lesbian vibes of any villain since Rosa Clibb. I'm always here for that, but yeah, it's weird. Anyway. Anyway, my second note is dad, I'm white now. Also check out my exosuit. Yeah. Well, also, also, also, Graves is going to do the biggest villain thing that you could possibly do, which is using your super weapons satellite to destroy one of the largest land minefields in the world, dastardly. Well, he's, he is also inadvertently destroying the world's largest, like, preserved nature territory. So, you know, there is, he's getting a shitload of birds. Anyway, yeah. So Bond throws him

out of the plane and he gets sucked into the jet engine and mulched. I also have mulched in my notes. At this point, Bond and Jinx have to escape the plane which is coming apart. They do this by getting into a helicopter and just falling out the back. You know, they helicopter full of diamonds for some reason. The third concept, not consecutive, but the third time bond is escaped in an aircraft full of ill-gotten gains. Yeah, it fucking does it all the time as well. He's always, he's having a shit in the car.

And then when he did it with heroin. Using dope. So at this point, we cut to what I've described as one last nonce, which is money pennies, money penny is in her office. She's working on some money penny stuff. James Bond comes in, Annie Fucksa, right? That's what happens. He Fucksa on the desk.

And then at exactly the point where you're like, she takes off the fucking holodeck glasses because she's on the holodeck. Just slightly too long seen. She is jerking off with work resources about one of her colleagues, a guy about whom three movies ago, she said, you know, this is, this is to be sexual harassment to like fucking, you know, non-sme up in a lift. Also, who programmed this? Did you do? The program bonds did. Cute. Do that.

Again, another more interesting movie would have answered that question. That white John Cleese, Q isn't in the next movie because he was caught using work resources to do James Bond dating sims? What? That's deeply funny. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator.

James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator.

James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. James Boyfriend Simulator. There's like all they got all the bonds and you have to like you know Hateful bond friend. Yeah, it's pure They're just bond more bond Sundare bond bond that's dressed up as a cat. Yeah, cat girl bond Sean Connery voice Katawa Shujo Sean Connery James Bond with massive tit and a calprent Like no money, but you have to help me. I demand fan out of it.

Thank you. I really look at it. That's our next shirt. No, we've been trying to figure out what the Brosman shirt was this whole time. It's just a cow print McKean. No. You said that on the fucking recording. I can't demand it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no da da. No, that's a little bit of good dialogue here, because it's like, she's like, we're gonna take all these fucking diamonds back, don't we? And it's like, it sucks being the fucking good guys, which I kind of appreciate. No, I think you're missing the first bit of dialogue, which is where the camera's like panning down

towards their sex house. And she's like, oh, it fits in there perfectly. I hope you could leave it in there forever. Oh yeah. I don't to take it out yet. And so on and so on. It's supposed to be a bleakly talking about sex. But once again, I'm struck by Devon's observation that they are essentially talking like two Chinese rooms,

where it might as well. What might as well as be saying. How do you diamond in honey? Yeah, it's warm for this kind of year, don't you think? Yes, however, I've noticed that the elks are acting skittish. Yes, the elks when they act skittish, it goes into the sky and is warm for this kind of year, don't you think? Yes, however, I've noticed that the Elks are acting skittish. Yes, the Elks, when they act skittish, it goes into the sky and is warm for this type of year. And very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very? And that's, honestly, the final thing, the final thing that Rosemond does is somewhat fitting to the character of Rosemond in the same way that the final thing that Mordid was make a weird noise. I remember the word, I haven't saved his weird noise that way. Please God give me the,

oh, oh. Oh. That's, I wanna get back to that kind of bond, man. No wonder they took a break of four years before they released the next one. Yeah, and as we say, this is the like the last one before Craig and everything gets fucking war on terror. But that's the movie. That's a two hour movie called Diana the Day.

That's right. What if we all think of this movie before we get to our science-based racing system? It was the most video game. It sucks so much shit. I enjoyed the fact that Gustave Grayt had an exosuit with a track ball on it. That was maybe the best thing I'd ever seen in the movie. And a bunch of like Sony Walkman controls, yeah. Very funny to me.

But I haven't had any of that. I thought they had a really interesting premise in that like, oh, I did fond crack under torture, And it's that could have been good. And then no, it's a series of forgotten premises. Incidentally, by the way, less you think that the, the right thing of these movies is going to change drastically. I mean, it does. But every bond movie since the world is not enough, including all of the

Craig ones has been written by the same two guys. Yeah, they just swap out directors. They don't swap out writers. Yeah, they don't do that. It's the same two guys just doing a job of work of doing here as a Bond movie, which is why I don't blame Curry Joe for going over for how bad I found no time to die. Like he just was given a script and had to kill me.

It's on. Let me just blow something else out of the water here. I know I've already destroyed this with facts and logic before, but if James Bond is a codename, why didn't they give anyone else the codename James Bond while he was being missing presumed dead in career? Why didn't I come back? Yeah, sake. James, your new code name is Bruce Dipshit. This is James Bond now. Well, honestly, as if because frankly, M was like, oh Bond, as far as I'm concerned,

you're still in that North Korean prison could buy forever. And she's like, I'm just in a coat in an artificial coma. So it's fine. Like maybe he is still James Bond. Maybe they gave the new code name to Daniel Craig Maybe this is this is but this is just

Here's proznan James Barnes reverie while he's resisting torture. It's all the scorpion. Yeah, this is just a little hallucination He's this is this all happens in the pussy mind palace. He's still in the pussy mind palace He never left. That's in the realm of theory. And we have a science based system. We have a science based system. We have a science based system on this podcast called the scum system. Never science based system on this podcast. Yeah, what is it? Get my watch here.

Uh, the scum system. Smart, cultural insensitivity. Unprovoked violence and so on. It's smart. How smart is this movie? And why is it eight out of seven? It is the smartest. The smartest. It's eight. What is the smartest from Germany. Smart, how smart is this movie and why is it eight out of seven? It is the smartiest, the smartiest, the smartiest. It's eight.

What is the smartiest score that we've ever given upon there? I think we've given it to him before the smart one. I could have sworn. We haven't. So, no. Really? I don't think this is the smartiest he's ever been. Yeah, yeah, no, I think it's a seven.

I think it's a seven. It's, but some of the smart also comes from the, how the writers have written the villains, yeah, no, I think it's a seven. I think it's a seven. But some of the smart also comes from the how the writers have written the villains. Like, ah, you British, still think you police the world. Where it's like, it's how self-congratulatory it is just from the writer's perspective. Yeah, whatever, seven. Cultural insensitivity.

Career, Japan, and China. These are basically the same thing as far as I'm concerned. Thank you. Move and it's bad. It's real bad. This is definitely the highest of the Brazilians. I think so. I could go to like a five maybe here. Hmm. You think? Five. Yeah. Cool. Yes. Unprovoked violence. Unprovoked violence. Unprovoked, unprovoked violence. Bond, Bond doesn't shoot a lot of people in this, for a Brosnan, like,

Goldenay, who was killing guys left right in center, here it's not what about when he killed the two doctors with the battles. That's true, that's true. He kills two guys who are trying to help him from having a heart attack. That's gotta put it pretty high up. Yeah, that's very unprovoked, as far as I'm all right.

Plus the wheelchair thing. Can we say six? Yeah, okay, all right. The wheelchair thing is very funny, too. Okay, five, we'll do five. Five. Yeah, it's not more violent than it is, racers. Misogyny, I will not have sex with James Bond.

I won't. I won't have sex with him. Me at the start of a night, I promise I won't have sex with James Bond. I won't have sex with him. Me at the start of a night, I promise I won't have sex with James Bond guys. Me after one drink. Oh, God, that's right. Totally gone off that entirely, like, upright penis. Yes. Goddammit.

The two minutes, 30 second pussy cock, like it's got to be pretty high. Last time was a seven. I don't think it's a seven. I think it's, I think it's, I think it, I second pussy cock, like it's got to be pretty high. Last time was a seven. I don't think it's a seven. I think it's, I think it might be like, all of these are sort of like generic high. I think it might be another five. Hell yeah.

Okay. All right, so what are we looking at, Abigail? We are looking at a score of 22, which is the highest pros and then we've had. I believe it, yeah. he's gotten worse. It is a lot of the show. Yeah, it's as far as like cinema goes as far as like movies to watch. This is the worst one easily. Yeah, yeah, Cronstein Rose, that's a mystical. He's equally as bad as you only live twice. Yeah. And it's nowhere near as funny as you are in a live twice because he didn't even become entirely well. Absolutely. Well, yeah, the cross-generator is

at Mr. Kill. Fucking I don't care about the good night cross. Thank you. Good night cross. Fucking queue for coding horny James Bond. The night cross to Colonel Moon. General Moon. Yeah, general moon. General Moon. What a cool great, fine whatever. Yeah, cool. Great, fantastic. Riley, if people want more Riley, where can they find more Riley? Just read your home address and to the microphone. Yes, I'm moving soon, so I'll give you my all address. You can chase me. Find the clues.

Find the clues, find me. Now, you check out the bottle and if you live in Canada, it's me and Dan Beckner. We talk about Canadian politics. And check out, of course, Trash. Check out what there's your problem. Check out philosophy tube. If for some reason you somehow haven't check out Well, I'm not going on I don't know. Thank you post maybe yeah, let's not take a post. I had it that shit. Yeah, ask Devon

Just what they're doing. Yeah, and we will be back We'll be back in time for Well horror well, gentlemen We're going to be swinging along to Craig Bond, but first little teaser here, we're going to check him of an old friend. Hi, everyone. Before we get started, I just want to note that due to my naming conventions for files, the raw file of this audio is DiAnotherDayJazz, which is just DadJazz, which I like a lot. Thank you

for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond, you finally got our boy Riles on. Great lad, you can find links to all of his guff in the description. Kill James Bond will return in two weeks' time. But if that is simply too long for you to wait, then we do have a Patreon Patreon.com slash Kill James Bond, which you can support for as little as 5 lbs a month. I don't know what that translates to in other denominations, but I don't care. Next week's bonus episode is Cannonball Run, a movie about a race across the United States with several guest appearances by our boy,

Roger Moore, Playing himself. So that'll be fun. We've got automotive journalist Victoria Scott, but I've been for too long. I need to read out about 800 names. So with me here, 15 pounds and above patrons. Forkswinchester, paintmaker, that Jack Holmes, George Rohack, Thomas Oberhart,

Salt, Prasek, British Territactyl, Nikki Carolyn Tankersley, Amber DeGratz, the Aburner Rice, Kit Devine, Max Gamerhardt, Mander Rock, Sydney Steckel, Hellbloodhands, Jay Martin L, Kentucky Friedkommi, Jack Bushall, Field Commissar, Gen Gen, Big Titty Goth girl, Mothman, Trip Timothy Pajorny, Tarp O, Dreadpire, Robin Holiday, Charlie and the Quasit, Zoe Shepherd, Elizabeth Cogs, most beloved, most beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved,

beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, beloved, you're probably well aware of this point. Kill James Bond. I'm Devon. My dearest friends in the world are Abigail Thorn and Alice Coldwell Kelly. Our producer is Napathay, a podcast artist by Maddie Lepchanski and our website is by Tom Allen. See ya. Music