Kill James Bond! - Episode 24.5: Spy Kids 3

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

So, a few months ago we invited friend of the show Tom Walker on to discuss the movie Spy Kids 2. This time, since we're going bigger and bolder for the sequel, we thought hey- why not bring on Demi too? What we forgot is that putting the two together completes one of the funniest and most powerful chaos runes known to mankind.  Find Demi at https://twitter.com/DemiLardner and her stream at https://www.twitch.tv/demilardner And you can also find Tom at https://twitter.com/tomwalkerisgood and his stream at https://www.twitch.tv/tomwalker And if thats not enough you can find their pod cast by just googling "BigSoftTitty.png" ok. Safesearch off. Hit 'im feeling lucky' too Find the whole episode at our reasonably-priced patreon!  https://www.patreon.com/posts/61046615 *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. Your favorite podcast with me, Alice Caudwau Kelly, Abigail Thorne, Devon, and joined by our Australian correspondence, Tom Walker and Demi Lardner. How's it going guys? And I choose not to answer. Okay, and then he's heard from some drama that went down before. And I was just trying to... And again, this was not a artificial drama because the reason I chose not to reply was because Alice had started doing the setup

but you couldn't hear her. So it seemed to you like that. But the experience that Demi had was saying, how's it going and no one answering? Two blank faces looking slightly down. Seeing Abigail and Devon both barreling the camera, choosing not to respond. In me saying, okay, Tom Panicking. Me yelling, what the fuck is going on?

And in my brain, me saying, and how did I fuck that up? Immediately, immediately in the doghouse. Absolutely. Oh, we don't ask that kind of question. Yeah. Yeah, I do have no thought not to answer how I'm doing. Um, but we, we got you guys on because Tom, of course, we had you on to watch Spikeids too. Uh, and that, that was, uh, an interesting, deranged sort of experience. And we thought obviously, we should double down, we should get Demi out as well. And we should move to our main course of Spy Kids 3D. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. A movie with even less happening in it.

Why? It's actually got way more happening in it, but there's no story to it. No, no, it's like an hour and 10 minutes long, and there's nothing there. Yeah, and it's a thousand- Yeah, and it's a thousand- Yeah, and it's a thousand-

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and made just after 9 of that and happened. I had literally, you did the exam nightmare to me where I thought that it was like three minutes before the recording and I had watched the wrong film. Like all of you guys had watched the fucking Robert Pattinson romcom where he like is in the World Trade Center at the end. And I'd watched Spy Kids 3D, a movie which I'll be honest, it did not occur to me, had much to say about 9-11. But we'll get there. We'll get there. So, the gist of Spy Kids as a franchise is there are these siblings, Juni and Carmen Cortez, they are both spies.

They're really small. Yes. They're spies, but they're little. They're little spies. They're parents' spies too, they're grandparents' spies too, they're a whole spy family. But after the events of the second film, which I do not pretend to remember, even slightly, which I do not pretend to remember even slightly. We open on Juni Cortes who is now a hard boiled private investigator. Yeah, he's quitting the force at the end of a second movie. Yeah, yeah, he left the agency. And I mean, I want to be honest, I liked this bit. I think kids pretending to be PIs is just, it's a funny bit.

Yeah, it is good. It's good in Boksy Malone. It's good in my favorite venture brothers episode. Everybody comes to Hank's. He's pretending to do, yeah, adult stuff is really good. I like when, you know, when a child has a beard or something, like, you know, like a four-year-old with a big mustache or something, it's very good.

Absolutely. Like, like kids being old. And so, he's investigating small-time shit, like like a cat stuck up a tree and there's a water park that's been closed down. By the way, my brain was immediately annihilated less than two minutes in because the girl he meets in the water park who's hired him. Did anyone realize who this was?

That's the president's daughter from... No, it's not. No, it's not. Okay. No, it's not. No, it's not. I'll just sit quietly for the rest of the hour then. I think so. I thought I knew who it was, but then I realized it was impossible.

The person I thought it was. Who was it for real? Because I thought it was Jumbo and A. Ramsey, but that is a- Tell me. What? You think though she's been hiding there? It was a battle in McCann. I see.

No. We found it. It's Selena Gomez. No, no. No. We found it. It's Selena Gomez. What? One of the first roles that she's got one line. That's Selena Gomez. Holy shit.

I know. Oh my god, it is. Selena Gomez as a water park girl. Fuck me. Had such a bummer for some reason to me. So at every turn, Juni's old agency, the OSS, are trying to get him back into the, like they need him back for one last job, right?

They're landing the helicopter by the creek in Montana while he's fly fishing kind of thing. And what does OSS stand for? Do we all know? I don't. Office of secret ship. Does it? There's a real OSS as well, right?

Yeah, the office of secret services. Yeah. All of his secret suck. I don't think, do you know Tom, do you know? It's by no. No, no. I would be so mad if of the billions of things I don't know, I could recall off the top of my head.

The meaning of the OSS. Yeah. But not my parents' birthdays. And that's me establishing the second one he works for OSS Jr, which is like, the kids. I'm reading here that the initials in the Spike Kids universe are never specified on screen, but in one of the tie-in books they stand for organization of super spies. Now you all have to remember that. That's in your brains. Oh, no. Because the real OSS was disbanded shortly after the end of World War II. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I'm just, I'm sure we made a bunch of mutinano offices of strategic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so, so, so, so Juni is doing private eye work in order to save up to buy himself a video game. And this video game is like the biggest thing imaginable. It has a line halfway down the block, which now seems kind of comical. And it's called like game over, which to me is not a very enticing name for a game, but he's about to, yeah, he's about to buy this game and enter cyberspace, enter the third dimension. And instead, he, he like, he drops his piggy bank and there's a lot of his money. Yes.

Yes. It's extremely good. Every, every single kid in the line is holding a massive piggy bank, which is very nice to me. Well, if you put inside of a real pig, then maybe that wouldn't happen. They don't smash, you see. That is true. On the other hand, when you get to the counter, you do have to disembowel a pig and leave that one pig car because that...

Which proves you want the pig. Yeah, we have a combination game stop slaughterhouse. It's not, I'm not gonna kill my pig. I'm gonna have the pig eat me and then I'm gonna come out and give them my money that I've retrieved. Thank you so much.

So, I'm gonna do. The other annoying girl spy from Spikids 2 shows up and tries to get him to like, sorry, no, no, first of all first of all He receives a letter. 9-11 happens No, he gets a letter from Steve Bischemmie That's true. He was in the previous film and you know who else is fucking in the sequence the crab. I'm it's your favorite guy It's the crab ape. I had the particularly

humiliating experience of explaining to Demi. I got the words, so I called that the crab ape and then he turned to me and said, Tom, no. Without knowing the background that there was a pun thing. I mean, I just assume. Yeah, you just saw it. And you're like, well, that's obviously a spider monkey. I can see it and that's a joke. Where is I with my grown up adult mind that wants, you know, kind of unexplained mysteries? I was like, well, that is the wise crab bed. You've made it.

That's the crab bed. That's the crab bed. I said, yeah, that's the crab bed. Yeah. The crab bed been coming. What are the other animals that he makes out that he sponges together? Yeah, that's like a tiger shark. Tiger shark.

Tiger shark. Tiger shark. Yeah, the fish cat. Yeah, there's tiger shark. Tiger shark, yeah. This is just really a demi-like experience in spikeids to vicariously is very fun. What do you know? What are you talking about?

Experiencing the spikeids to podcast vicariously. No, we're spike it. Are we similar ages? Because when spike it came out, I think I was pretty much the target audience. But this came out. Oh, no, it wasn't. This came out in two thousand three. It doesn't matter.

It wasn't something that I love. Mm-hmm. Stuff to 9-11. Yeah, take a right turn at 9-11. You hit spike it's three coming out. This came out the same year. What if you run close at 9-11, hit Spike, it's three coming out. This came out the same year as Rob, post 9-11 Spike. I'll never forgive 9-11 for ruined Zoolander's writings. That's right.

And Glissa with Mariah Carey. Sorry, that's as far as I can let you go. If you wish to listen to the rest of this, you must subscribe to patreon.com slash killjamesbond all one word for at least five pounds a month. genuinely recommend it, it's really worthwhile, this is such a fun episode with a guest of an id playador. and on over love ya! Love ya!