Upstream - Episode 26: Skyfall

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

We did it, boys. For 25.83 episodes the Double Dragons have tried in vain to secure guests. But for this most special 26th episode, we've only gone and fucking secured a guest appearance from Abigail Thorn, star of Philosophy Tube! Skyfall is a movie ripping itself apart at the seams trying to be two wildly divergent things, and boy does it show. Also, for the final half hour the movie becomes Home Alone. Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond   *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Hello listeners, this is Abigail. It's really nice to be back on the podcast again. I'm sorry I wasn't on the last one. The reason was I had to have a medical procedure done. I wasn't cheating on you with another podcast or anything, but I was temporarily like physically unable to speak. So thank you very much to you for bearing with us for that. Thank you to Alas and Dev for covering. I'm still quite sort of swollen. My black eyes have gone down a bit now and I still have quite a few stitches in my face. But I'm getting better and the operation was a success and I'm pleased to say that I have now become Japanese. Oh, you must excuse this rather odd mixture of styles, but I refuse to go entirely Japanese.

I have so many drops for this. I want the operation done to no. I don't know. Oh, no, it's the same guy. Oh, no. It's the... Oh, that's laugh, honor. Ah!

Abby, Abby, we're so happy for you that you had the operation done to become a ninja and to become entirely Japanese and we're back. We're back. These two are about the white as well. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And we're back and we're going worth noting here at the start that Orthodox Bond Twitter will have you know that this is the best Craig Bond film. So it's just hold that in our minds while we discuss this. Not correct. Let me be clear on this. Bond film. That's right. The movie that dares to ask the question, you'll remember Dark Knight.

Yeah, what if Bond was that? I'm just going to tell you my first thought when looking at this movie, which was two hours 23 minutes, fuck me running. It's here. But we begin with an out of focus bond. You're supposed to recognize him by the shape. And we also begin in the Middle East. And you know it's the Middle East because we have the four legal reasons. so you don't get mad at us, the not as on. So instead you get them whizzing going just like, I did everyone. Just feeling time, just feeling time. I'm not allowed to say the words.

We're in constant and open slash Istanbul where bond is there to like, I don't know, pick up some shit. That's no one's business about the Turks. Exactly. Exactly. He's there to do some shit, right? He's there to pick up a hard drive, which has a list on it. As we will find out later, it contains a list of all like the covert NATO agents, because

it contains the mission of the flight logs. Yeah, exactly. The nopless. He's there to pick this up from an agent called Mark Ronson. And Mark Ronson has been immediately killed for his crimes. He's been shot. He's not dead. He's not quite dead.

It's true. The thing about Ronson is, Mark Ronson, is that he's no Mitchell, but he is, he is, you know, he does have a moment. He has a little moment because he's still alive. All of the other guys have been killed. And's like holding onto life and Bond stops to like try and save him a bit more, like half-assedly doing like direct pressure on his wound. While M, who is like on the phone, coordinating over fucking Microsoft teams or whatever is, you know, doing her M thing

of like, no, I don't care about human life. I care about the intelligence, go get the intelligence, go chase down the guy who took the intelligence. As an opening, as an opening, this is amazing. This is so, it really starts off our theme because like, listen as you'll remember that Quantum of Solace ends with Bond being like, I am going to fill the void in my life left by Vespas Death with patriotism and with England. And straight away we start with a really strong theme of like, what if you really loved your country, but your country really didn't give a shit about you and didn't love you? Not relatable to any of us. No, I mean, crazy, like crazy fiction, like clearly the best character to do this with is white male, white male call. Yeah, yeah. White bond, but still. And of course, of course, the wages of patriotism are very slim indeed, mostly death.

But yeah, nobody remembers this opening I've found, which is weird because it's quite good. Bond has to start chasing the guy who has shot Ronson. His name is Patrice, we don't find that out until later. He's another one of these like sort of like gritty, well yeah exactly. He's like every other sort of like first order villain in a Craig Bond movie, which is because they have to do a shitload of stunts, the only people they get are stuntmen. And so they look like stuntmen. He's he looks like Mitchell again. The thing the thing about, about us is we have people everywhere, but they're all the

same guy. Yeah, they're all look pretty much identical broadly. Yeah. Yeah. Also, quantum, not in this film, which I thought was a quantum choice. Quantum defeated. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Just let it rest in the world. I'm good. Don't worry about it. But yeah, so he's also working with another agent, Eve, who picks him up in the land Rover and she's driving, and she's not a very good driver. And we get like sort of a vibe off of her that she's good but like Bond,

she's impetuous and stuff, and she hasn't really grown into it in the way that he has. Not as experienced as the vibe. Yeah, and I kind of like this. I kind of like the little banter in the car. You know, the color grading here in the market scene is pretty alright. I'll give them this one.

I'm going to complain about the color grading 40 to 50 times throughout this fucking set. They make Turkey look like an actual place, which is nice. And we've remembered how to edit. So like, you know, immediately, immediately we're off to a better start than quantum. Yeah. So this guy, this guy Patrice, bonds like helps, helps,

you have to like, swerve him off the road. They crash. And then what happens is, pulls out the glockles else. Ultimate baller weapon. and then what happens is ultimate ball away. It's a hundred-brown drum magazine on a fucking Glock. Yes, it rules. He's got a Glock 18, he's just spraying everything with it,

which is very funny. So good. But the other thing is the Turkish cops are onto them. The only four cops in Istanbul, they're all on bikes and what happens is they come riding in, this guipertrease sprays them with a glock. And it becomes the Turkish police bike attack squad because what they do, they're one tactic, is to drive the bike at him as fast as they can, get shot and fall off and hope the bike hits him. And it almost works still. So.

They're very limited training, unfortunately. You're so awful. No, this is an elite branch of the Turkish National Police. They train for years and years and years to ride up to the criminal at full speed, get shot in the face, fall off the bike and hope the bike hits them. It's perfect.

Yeah. All right. So at this point, like we get a bike chase,. It's perfect. Yeah. All right. So at this point, we get a bike chase, and this is just genuinely quite competently done. Like at this point, you can tell it's quite competently done because my notes venture into the realm of the speculative, right? Yeah.

I get into the thing where I'm like, hmm, what does it say something that like bond is always chasing people and espionage should mostly be about lying in white? And does it say something about Britain feeling like it's on the back foot? No, of course it doesn't, it's an action movie, there's a chase. Grow up. I didn't even take a note regarding it. Yeah, yeah, I'm reaching.

Kind of overstays, it's welcome a little bit and we have a car chase and then I'm murdered by chase and then they end up on a train and have a fight on the train. Oh, yay. Yeah, yeah. They end up on a train and have a fight on the train. I'm like, oh, yeah, you did have maybe done two out of a three. That's good. They end up on the train. Bond has to like, he commandeers an excavator, which is on the train. And there's one thing that I really like, it's one little piece of acting from our stuntman playing for trees, which is where Bond gets in the excavator and fires it up,

there's just like a split second where he gives this kind of look as if to convey what silly bullshit is about, is he about to do now, right? And I like that. I'm on, like, for fuck's sake. So bond bond climbs this way onto the train. Sadly, also the first instance of what Abby will probably come to be more angry about the me, but what I've come to Corvia, well, that happened. A notification of Bond. Where? Yeah. Eva's on the fucking blower with Em, the entire time.

Right. On Zoom. On Microsoft Teams. She's on Skype. Yeah, she's on. She's on. She's on. Em.

Em. Em's like, what's happened? And he was like, you're on mute. You're on mute. You're on mute. I can't. Em. Yeah. We did this bit. We did specter zoom.

We did that. It's like, they're on the train. What do you mean they're on the train? I mean, they're on top of a train. And there's a beam in an M. He was like, we'll go get them. I'm not going to go get them.

Bond with the excavator throws some cars into her path. Oh the fucking button noise, not the button noise. Every scene has a little button noise at the end of it like that. That's just like so that just happened. Yeah, every scene in this film and it's I don't know which film was patient zero on this but like a venereal disease. It's it's now everywhere in in Hollywood. It's one of the Iron Man, I think. It's some kind of marvel, but every scene, a weird one, ends with a little, good,

and a weird line. And I'm like, oh, it's just end the scene. There is definitely a moment, right? The one moment that stuck out to me in this scene is that, like, so that just happened, is Bond throws some cars into Eve's path and he has to swerve around them. And I'm like, what the hell was that? And she's like, I think it was VW Beatles. Bum, bada, bada, bum. It's okay when it's kind of like a born franchise when it's in the middle of a scene because that's the kind of thing that

bond does and we've seen it done well. Yeah, but this is that everyone talks like bond. Yeah, but when it happens at the end of the scene, it feels like the actors are using this scene for their show real and like there's not going to the rest of the film it just kills the film every time Quantum of sizzle they'll do a line and then the final line of a scene or just be like It will literally be like a while that happened And it plays a little like delusiting and I'm like I will kill you. I will kill you Yeah, so so bond rips the back off the train. He jumps on the last second. And he does a little like better, but a moment where he like straightens the cuffs of his shirt.

And you would think this was this I didn't mind it. Apart from the fact there was ad libbed, not in the script, which means the script is too dry if Craig is having to like make up bond bits in the middle of it. Like did mine the loving shot of his watch, which is quite clearly inserted into this. Oh, yeah, it's stream. It's, yeah. Well, the thing is, right, these movies are more product placement than they've ever been.

Oh, yeah, this one. And so consequently, you get expensive watches. Like all the time. You get a nice, you know, a nice long shot of the omig. Sponsor of what? Never fight on the train. And then Eve is there. She's got a rifle.

She can shoot one of them, but she's like, oh, am I hit James and then bonds. And then Emma's like, take the shot, take the shot. And Eve fires and shoots Bond off a bridge. Yeah, perfect miss. Absolutely. Nails, nails Bond in the show. Literally just takes his right time. I got three notes.

Three notes. First is Bond teleport. Yes, he does teleport to the roof. Yeah, teleport. I wrote this down as first Bond teleport because you had warned me ahead of time and I was counting them. Bond learns to teleport in this movie in that course. Yes. And the second thing is this is color graded the same as the Istanbul scene to like establish continuity, right? But the Constantinople scene, it was graded to like boost the yellows of the market, like really make that pop. But now there's somewhere where there's straight up no yellows. So it just looks drabbers fuck. Yeah know, the trying to make the grossing is yellow eyes teeth. Yeah, yeah.

And then I wrote, ladies and gentlemen, we got him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a perfect shot of him going over a waterfall, completely like a man's, which I like a lot. Just end the movie there, fantastic. But no, what we get instead is the song. And you know the song, because it's fucking adult, Skyfall.

Skyfall, you know this fucking song. He's not a joke, he's not a joke. He's not a joke, he's not a joke. He's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke. He's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke. He's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke,

he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a joke, he's not a Yeah, I mean this song is good, but it ruins the next two because the next two bond themes are just this song again Yeah, yeah, I I literally I almost died laughing when you said that the next one is the sky is on the fall No sky to fall absolutely

Good song It is it is a good song, but strangely it's better in my memory than it was re-listing to it. I remember going to the movies. Because vision that you've seen in this film is edited, whereas the actual track that Adele released, it has more room to breathe and it is better. Yeah, I remember the, I guess the like, track version where Adele is giving it the full Shirley Bassie, right? But she's not in this, the opening credits. They like tamp it back down a bit. And it feels a bit more muted.

Yeah. Also our theme for the credits is, you know, what have you got shot? The theme of the credits is so fucking hot. All of the symbolism in the titles is literally like bond facing shadows, but he is casting and like reflections of himself. Yeah.

Okay. It's a dark reflection of himself. We're doing that again. We're doing that again. This is a house crazy. Last time, as you said, dev, the theme of Bond Subscribers was, yo, whatever it was a desert. That was good. Let's go back.

I mean, the thing that I wrote down is that like every Craig opening title set since Casino Royale, which was an anime opening, which is good, has been, has been, now we're going to kill this cunt. And people still were surprised when they got to no time to die. I do not understand this. Yeah, sorry, I got him. We got him. And then wait for the fucking next movie

because all of the symbolism in the opening titles for spectres you know, what if there was an octopus? Yes. So, we go now to, you know, what if there was an octopus? Yes. It's like you're ready for that. So, so, so we go now to, you know, a place which I have now captioned, London, MI6, near the TF live show venue, second of March, right across the river, you can just walk down,

but it's Voxel Comedy Club, probably. I will not. It's Voxel Comedy Club, it's right there. So, so, so, Emma is in the office. She has a, this is an example of what we call themes babies first themes she has a stupid little non-sucking royal Dalton Royal Timothy Dalton asks Horselyn

Churchill Bulldog on her desk and it's like a dead symbolizes her and pay for and patriotism and being old-fashioned and stuff and the only way that who else is there though? Ray Fines is there. Ray Fines is there. Ray Fines, here playing the last Sissette man to wear trouser braces. And he's got the like button style too, so they yanking the trousers all the way up his asshole. Yeah, he is playing Gareth Mallory, who is the head of the Intelligence and Security Committee. Boy Mallory. Boy howdy, do they lean heavily on the fucking goes, this is him. And, it's a movie, just like, this is him. Yeah, just, just, I do find it very funny that like next

M, and that's not a spoiler. You know he's fucking meant to be there from the first time he's on screen. Next M is called Gareth. Yeah, that is fun. That, that's, that's, to me, is fun. You know, Steve M. Well, he, he, he tells M, he's like, I'm the chair of the intelligence committee.

You're in the shit and you should retire because you lost that list of agents. And M is like, more like chair of the dumb committee. Fuck you. I'm not doing it. Yeah. Remember how quantum of solace had some interesting ideas about like M's like contempt for oversight?

Mm-hmm. What have we made those 30 to 50% Dumber? And so he's just like, I think maybe you should have some oversight. She's like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you. Now I refuse. Goodbye. It's all right. It's really, it's really relying on Judy Dentch's acting here. Also, I find he does a good performance. I like him in this. He does. He does. No, he's good in this. He starts off very sort of contemptuous of the concept of being a spy, which is how you know that he's going to be.

So that I can give him a character like where he becomes M more and more every day. That was the moment when he truly became M. No, I'll say that later. Don't worry. We get that moment later. And then Judy Dunnsch gets an email from the Joker. Yes, she does. Yeah, she's driving back to the office and she gets a spooky email going,

penis and large mompills for sale, horny local milfs in your area. Click here to win. And then they tanner traces this back to her laptop in her office in MI6 headquarters and box all across. And so she's like, okay, we need to go back there immediately. And then they get stopped on the bridge by the cops just in time to see the MI6 building get blow to the fuck up. Yeah, the MI6 building exclose explodes and I was like, fuck me, that's right by no other TF like.

Yeah, yeah, it's right across the river and then you, if you're having south, you turn right under the bridge, exactly. I remember I think some controversy when this film came out about that shot. Yeah, well, you can't just can show MI6 building getting blown up. What if it happened to like the fucking, yeah, not me in bond movies in fucking the exploding

cash in tomorrow and over dies. But also, in between that movie and this movie, the real IRA had fired a missile at it from a boat in the Thames. I think which seems like it should have been more cool than it was, hit nothing, damage no one. But you know, it had happened in any case. It's gonna be self-the-real IRA, you know? You might have been the official IRA.

Who's counting? Who's counting? Who's counting? The name of this scene, by the way, and the fucking IMDB thing that I used to keep pace with my notes is MI6 has a bad day. Um. Yeah, sure. You got to try and fucking describe the scene without spoilers.

And so you're like, a bad day. Yeah, it kills. It kills six agents, right? And Bond, we now see, is alive. And the way in which we see he's alive is we return to our favorite instruments of measurement, the pussy clock. Oh, we don't. I think Dave has a point here that we don't count. We don't count. If it's 0.00, we don't count. That's sort of my point, right, is that like the pussy clock is like a zero minutes to midnight here. It is a

0.00 because Bond is reintroduced having sex with a woman. A woman who has no lines. She's silent throughout. She exists. She can be fucked. Yep. I know that you want to. She exists very much. There you go. Women exist to be fucked. Yeah, there we go. I can't play drops of Abby. She's on the record. Yeah, it makes sense to casual listener. You just be like, why don't you say we have a casual listener? That's true. Competitive listening only. That's right. That's all right. Ranked. Yeah, we don't dress up for this. I'm curious about that. Because like, Connery had one. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But this is where I'd like to bring up something that I think has been an absolute scurge on Modern Cinema, which is the fake script. Skyfall did not have a fake script, but what they did do is they had an extremely tightly guarded script, such the point where the actress playing this last,

who is quote unquote a bond girl. Let's be honest here with that one. Sure. Didn't know what she was going to be doing until she turned up on set that day. Getting fucked mostly. Getting fucked, but Daniel Craig. And it's like, what? Who gives that much of a fuck?

Who's going to read the script to Skyfall? Maybe like cool, I don't need to go see it. Oh, we're gonna spoil Skyfall and be like, he has sex with a woman. I feel bad for her though. Yeah, I mean. It happened to so many extras and like small parts, but like they just basically didn't print

any like physical scripts. No, I mean, I feel bad because it's because it's a scene with physical intimacy and like, you need to, you know, with an actress agent, you need to talk to the intimacy coordinator, like, that's, I'll be sad if that is the case. Ladies, like only the intimacy coordinator. So, but we don't know where Bond is. An essential job. Oh, I know. Yeah, absolutely. So we, we don't know where Bond is, but he's like off the grid somewhere, right?

But what kind of beer is he drinking? If only there was a way to know. Yeah, he has a kind of him, right? So you know, that's a good beer to drink. He looks like shit. He's like, we're doing so. He's like, we're doing so. He's like, we're doing so.

He's like, we're doing so. Yeah, we're doing so. Yeah, we're doing so. Yeah, we're doing so. Yeah, we're doing so. Yeah, we're doing so. Yeah, he's like on pills. Sure. And his basically his only way of making money is winning bets in a bar where he has to drink a shot with a scorpion on his hand. Now Bond, of course, got over, got over his fear of scorpions in North Korea because they stung the shit out of his dick and bowls. That's right.

And now he's like, he's developed sort of a myth-redactic immunities to Scorpions. So he can just win every bet. But while he's doing this, he hears the news. And he's like, my fucking sense of juicy has kicked in. I have to go back and I have to try and help MI6 because the headquarters got blew up. Yeah, he executes another Bond's teleport. Yeah, well, first we can't make the transmission. And Emma's in like a sort of a very bare undercraft with these six flag-draped coffins, right? And I always found that imagery of said flag-draped coffins very impactful, especially as someone who growing up could anticipate their like best ideal future as being one of those coffins,, hey, transition is impossible,

so that's the best you can hope for. It's sort of a powerful piece of imagery to deploy, and the movie does it in service of kind of fuck all, like it squanders this immediately. Yeah, because M is standing by the coffins, and then Tanner comes in and says it's time to go, Mom, and M says, out loud, I'm gonna find who did this. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I know that's what you were thinking. Because you can't just have your characters say

how they feel. Yeah, it's like, you didn't need to say that. Like, you need to do this as Judy Dench. Like, she is capable of acting that without saying. And being some like, yeah, quiet determination or whatever, yeah, no, absolutely. So you're remembering Cassino Riaw when Bond broke into Em's house. Yeah, I determination or whatever. Yeah, no, absolutely. So you're remembering a senior Iowan bond broke into M's house. And when she was like, if you ever break into my house again, I'm going to have you flayed,

I'm going to have a guy whip the shit out of your cock and balls with a knotted rope. I'm going to like, you need things with this nature. He, if I can break into a house again and she doesn't mention it. So I guess she just forgot. And she's got a lot on her plate right now I reckon. That's true. That's true. And they have it's not possibly the least earned line of the movie right because they meant to like be commiserating like she was like I don't know why you even came back and he is fucking lined up her is right like. You know the rules of the game, you've been playing it long enough, we both have. Maybe too long. Dude, we saw you become a double-o.

Yeah, it is a go. I was like three weeks ago in movie time. Yeah, like, he becomes a double-o, right? And we get his first mission, and then we get his second mission, which canonically takes place like 10 minutes later. And then like, I've been doing this shit for too long, man. He's just like me.

Really if I just like, you're an old bitch now, idiot. So my head canon, my belief is that the first two were prequel and then in between, onto a solace and skyfall, every single other Bond movie took place. The worst part is that actually, that actually fits with a later beef that I have with the content news. So I'm so annoyed.

We do get a nice line though, where Bond presents him for getting him shot and says, Ronson didn't make it, did he? And she says now. And I'm like, okay, good. We've got this theme of like, what if your country didn't love you back?

Again, really good. It's agent Bruno Mars still okay? So in order to... No, he caught a grenade for you. Yeah. So shame so, so in order. No, he could have been made for you. So, Shane, that I know that. Fuck, that was good. Um, move, isn't. Yeah, so, so, so, so, in order to come back to active service, he has to do a bunch of tests,

but he has to do them in MI6's new war headquarters. And to really hammer this baby's first, first first first theme shit home. Tanner gets to like walk him through right. I get Rory Keneer to do it. Yeah, Rory Keneer and his concave ass go on screen and they go, you know, this is part of the old the old war rooms that Churchill used to use. It's a historical parallel because it's like war and she's like Churchill, you can tell by the fucking little dog that she has. They love to, they draw attention to a dog. Every time it's in a shot, they like put the camera

pointed at the dog and like, what did you mention the dog? You're like, we see the dog. Yeah, they even get a full zoom where they're like, he like takes him into the office full of like nameless cunts working on computers and then goes, welcome to the new MI6, Bernat, Bernat, and it's like, okay,

I can see one of the two movies this direction is being pulled in immediately, right? And that's, you're trying to do a foundation because Judy Dentch is getting too old now. You're trying to set up a foundation for the next fucking dozen bomb movies where you know they are eyes. It's...

It's... Redful. Because like, it's not worth what? Like, Skyfall, hey guys, are you watch Skyfall? What is Skyfall? Either the money per night, there's a new queue, there's a new M. Yep, yep, yep. 50 more years of bomb, baby.

We're ready. Let's go. Let's go. It makes me want to die. So it made Daniel Craig want to die. It's the same because we've got a great theme so far and as the movie goes on, we're just going to just discard more and more of it. So Bond has been fucked up by being shot, right? We're meant to think that this is because money penny is shot.

And he runs into money penny as well. And he likes, they have a little bit of banter. He doesn't bear her any ill will. Fine. But he has to do, he has to do the physical, right? He does, we do get a banter and she has this line. I'm assisting Gareth Mallory in the transition. Good for him. Yeah, yeah.

Actually, Gareth Mallory being trans would explain the trans of braces. It's just one of those sartorial decisions doesn't work on cis men, doesn't work. So, it doesn't work on cis men, doesn't work. So it doesn't work on cis men. So he has, he has to do the fucking medical again. And we see him like joking and Tanner's like briefing him the whole way through like it's a foregone conclusion that he's going to pass. Um, and he, he does the like pull up bit. And as he's doing it, he's getting more and more like exerted. And Tanner is kind of like

saving, saving him face. It's like, oh, we can do this later. And Bond sort of casually plays this off as, yeah, you know, let's wait until they get out of the room, stood totally stock still, and then collapses. And I liked this as a little character moment. Yeah, I'm a two. I did, I disliked this as a like, this is presented as one of the ways in which Bond is like, you know, that's an, that's an example of masculinity. You just, you just fucking bottle that shit up. And also, crucially, fucked up Bond, right? Like Bond who is barely coping, Bond who has been shot, punished Bond, beard of sorrow Bond, is in better shape than anyone I have ever seen in my fucking life. And this is, this is one of the things, right? This is firmly in the column of movies that give Sistood's body dysmorphism.

Right? Because if you let Riley watch this, he would actually have a harder time. Like James Bond, Daniel Craig, meet Mountain Daniel Craig, does like 79 pull-ups and then goes, I can't believe I didn't make the A.E. I'm just so fucking weak. Yeah, yeah, then goes I can't believe I didn't make the idea. I'm so fucking weak. Yeah, yeah, I can't It was kind of weird that you guys made me do these tests before I came back in the podcast Well, we also we also get him to meet the world's association was good Dr. Kaufman the MI6 I could psychoanalyze you from Stuttgart the MI6 psycho analyst

Yeah, because it's time to introduce our third theme, which is parental trauma. Yes, yeah, yeah. So he tests bond on some little word associations, which are fun, you know, like a murder, employment, a country, England, and stuff like that, whatever. And then he hits him with Skyfall. It's the name of your childhood home, James. How do you feel about that? James is the name of your childhood home, James. How do you feel about that? James Fall is the name of your childhood home.

James, how do you feel about your childhood? And Jimmy Bond. What do you think about when he jukes? When? Do you imagine yourself as a woman when you jump? He's a secret agent. Do you dress as a secret agent when you jump? He's an auto-bondifier.

He's a factor to himself as Jason. Bond, you have to have been living as an agent for two years before I can prescribe you this water. James, we have issued you with your agent recognition certificate. You'll have to bring this with you. But crucially, you will not be allowed into agent spaces without it. So, so I mean, much, much like me, after his body not doing what it wants and having had a bad experience with a with a gender psychologist, bond immediately starts casting himself. He goes into the bathroom, and he just does a bit of self-surgere.

He does, I mean, He does do that, yeah. Don't, don't, don't do that. But he's like, ah, the reason why I'm weak, bracket, massive. Week, but in like a huge way. Yeah, there must be some like inner poison sapping my strength and he's fucking right too.

It's called testosterone, it's called depleted uranium. That's not how depleted uranium works, but the point is he pulls out his own like, because he's taken out that day, right? So he pulls that out and then like, he pulls the remnants of the bullet out and then like hands it off to some cunt. It's just like, get this analyzed. Yeah.

Check this shit out. See what's going on. What's going on with this? What's going on with this? What's going on with this? Yeah, and the lesson is, I'm vibing again. Patrice has just been spafing around a sizable proportion

of like whatever evil guy's budget because he's just got a couple of drum magazines loaded full of depleted uranium bullets. He's just shot like 80 fucking depleted uranium bullets in the door. He's so much more radio actor now. They're gonna have to bury those cops and lead coffins. It's like the fucking plan from the... Well, it is not enough succeed. But then, Istanbul just completely irradiated. Having had this disastrous series of tests and then it's really bad meeting with the gender psychiatrist,

M says... Oh, yeah, M-M fucking says. Seems you've passed. Hmm, again, I also got that. What did she say after that? M M fucking says Seems you've passed Hmm again I also got that What did she say after that? Well, the skin of your teeth She's seen in your teeth

And my notes say when me and my mom go out to lunch Why did your mom not pass right? No, it's a perfect thing It's what she says to me. No, no. Also, there's a bit right. Money penny takes bond up to the office, right, to have this little conversation. And like, I, I enjoy money penny in this. I like their banter, but she's been suspended from field duty for, for, for killing James Bond.

And however, as punishment, they have made her M secretary. And I feel like that reveals more than it means to, right? Like that's, I mean, money penny even in the Connery movies was like competent at what she did. Like she was a secretary and that was lower status, but like that was her thing. Whereas, yeah, like she just was a secretary, and that was lower status, but like, that was her thing. Whereas... Yeah, like she just was a secretary.

Yeah, yeah. It's not just here, it's like, oh, it's something we can just put you into because you've been bad. It's like your second line sort of like employment at MI6. And I, I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, if I was running out, I feel like it's gonna lead to admin problems

because she wasn't trained in that. Well, that too. Yeah, absolutely. You're not allowed to file shit. Absolutely. Absolutely. She doesn't have to work an intercom. Also, another question, because this movie, the cold hands of this movie reach into the future and make the following Bond movies worse. So one question I had for this. Bond has been dead, right? That's been the thing. Everybody who talks to him is like, why didn't you just fucking stay dead? You useless, can't. Why

didn't you like pretend to be dead? Mallory tells him like to his face, you know, most people don't get a clean break like that. Why don't you just leave? Yeah, and he's right. But crucially, and they've sold all of his other stuff, crucially, they have not reassigned 007 as a title. It's still waiting for him. They have retired his jersey. And so when M tells him that he has passed by the skin of his teeth, she passed. That's right.

She gives him his old number back immediately, which then leads me to, well, why did you fucking put that plot in no time to die there? Yeah, weird. Yeah, so anyway. I mean, the thing is what I enjoy about money penny and her like dog shit origin there is that they were like, okay, we need new money penny, right? We need new desk I candy, but check this out. What if she was a girl boss and she just had to go on the desk because she killed James Bond. If you go boss too hard and she'd just get a shot bone.

And it's such a ridiculous way to have your cake in it. You're like, okay, we need someone whose entire job is on the desk, but we need her to be cool for like 10 minutes at the start. Yeah, yeah, so we can go. Wow. It's like, it's like, stalking female. Anyway, stalking yourself in circles to be like, it's not strong female, to have a secretary and to have someone who like, that's their job, it's strong female, to do something else, fuck it up

and then become a secretary. Should it just have money for maybe a man? That would have been fun. Oh, there we go. Oh, and money per night, it would be good. Mitchell per night. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry. Let me get another fucking stupid button because Ems like, yeah, we found the trees go and get him in Shanghai. Well check out my dog. Yeah, look at this dog. Look at the dog. The dog. And then when when Bond leaves, Tanner is just like, I didn't know Bond passed the test. And then Judy don't just is just like, he didn't. Yeah, I can actually construct by pressing four buttons here, the exact scene, which is seems you've passed. I didn't know Bonn passed. He didn't.

And that's the scene. That's it. That's it. Perfect little like three panel comic. So, so Bonn, Bonn's still wearing his beard of sorrow goes to the National Gallery in London, where he meets femboy cue, Ben Wischel. And the thing about cue, right, is that he's, yay, not explicitly stated or that will be later. And he's also young, like he's too young. Now, 35. Yeah, Ben Wischel's like,

not 5 in this, 5 years or so. I mean, he's a lot of how young he is, and it's like, my man is like 35. Yeah, yeah, that's all man. And mean, a lot of how young he is. And it's like, my man is like 35. Yeah, yeah. That's all man. And again, like Hugh tries to like, Oh, nice. His line for Bond is like, here is a gun.

Here is a little tiny radio. We don't really go in for like exploding pens anymore. Remember the previous movies, weren't they silly? This is a gritty new thing. So, okay, fine. We've put those down as like stakes. Great. For the decision you can make, we're going to go back on it in an hour, but like, I've said exactly this is, this is like pulling in the one direction, which is, we're trying

to like redefine bond for like generation to make it slightly more gritty and realistic, but we expect to make them more of the things. We've seen, I'm in begins. I love to make gritty and realistic reimaginations of things. That's so fucking cool to me. I love it when I see something I saw as a kid and I'm just like, Oh wow, what if he was sucked?

Yeah. If it's dead of being fun, this was bad. Like that would be cool with that. I've been enjoying the more realistic tone of the previous two. But like I wish that could be the two. That's only because we've been making us, that's only because you've been making

you watch the more movies as like punishments. No, it's like, I don't really prefer one of the other. I just prefer the movie to be good and for the story to be good. Like whatever your tone is, okay. My issue with this film is that it sets up a really interesting story and then by banar and we've jacked in. Yeah, well, we get, we get an interesting 10 minutes, right?

Because Bond goes to Shanghai. We give you a little bit more body this more, because he's like, fucking swimming laps in the hotel pool gets out of the pool. The largest back I've ever seen on a human. And then you just kind of like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he just kind of like sighs for a bit like he's out of breath. And it's completely unbelievable because he looks like a fucking slab of beef He looks like wagyu. He's not fucking like out of breath off of that shit. I didn't look like shit

Like what are you? I don't want to like shit. I was gonna say I don't want to endanger Daniel Craig's health by going like oh you have to cut 200 pounds to do this movie but on to look normal. But on the other hand, making these movies was fucking endangering Daniel Craig's health at the best of times because he blew out six joints making this shit. The thing, the other thing is, which, and this is a KJVD kind of,

they got permission to shoot in China again. They finally got it back, which is why they're in Shanghai. And immediately everyone, the bond riding team were like, I remember all the ideas we had when we wanted to shoot in China before for fucking license to kill. Why don't we do those? Right? So they again floated the fucking motorcycle chase on the Great Wall.

Oh my god. They floated the fight in the fucking tomb. They're going to get them eventually. They're going to do a. They're gonna do it. They're gonna do it. They're both like wait, no, this is stupid as fuck. So what we get instead by accident is a genuinely very good 10 minutes of bond doing the only spy shit he will do in the movie. There is one joke I can make about this, which is he's told when the guy's coming in and he's like, right, I must get the most fucking ridiculous disguise. I can possibly outfit myself full hit man shit. Yeah. Full hit man shit.

And the full hit man shit, he puts a handsome sunglasses on. And he's like, he's a chauffeur or whatever. Unrecognizable. A customized character in the car. He's so fucking obvious. But we get so huge. We get a lot of like neon lit, very, like, dialogueless scenes of Bond, like, following this guy through traffic.

And it's quite meditative, and it almost manages to recapture the highs of the first first scene of Casino Royale, because he's doing, like, spying shit. And it feels quite, like, cold and lonely. And I like this. Sam Mendes does really direct, like, a very pretty looking film. It's really nice. But he follows the trees to a skyscraper where he is about to shoot somebody with a sniper

rough. We don't know who. Yeah. We see him like acting very methodically like from Bond's perspective. It's very nice. I love a good shot of someone assembling a rifle. Oh, I do love assembling one of my favorite genres of cinema. I love a shot of I love a lot of Tuxedo, which is our next journey. No, no, no. And we also, I also love a show of a guy casting a whole, a perfectly circular hole in a thick glass window, which he does. So we see him aiming across the street. There's a shitload of like weird jellyfish

LED billboards going on. And it's sort of like a full of mirrors effect. I've really like this, this, this scene and this shot is so good. And the fight he has against Patrice is just the two of them silhouetted against like a big neon sign. It's like you know they were so proud of it. And since they have nowhere to hide, right, they can't fucking like do cuts because they've got one shot. It's one camera angle. They need to be silhouetted by this. So the fucking choreography

is legitimately really good. Really nice. Because they couldn't hide it with cutting. It's like my thing is like, okay, they're really, really proud of the set here, right? Like, it's not subtle in the cinematography, but it doesn't need to be. It's good. And it kind of stands on its own merits, and it doesn't need like a little button on the end to go like, um, so James Bond just bought a guy in a fucking like Hall of Mirrors jelly first. I mean, it should have been an octopus really. That would have been good. But I'm mind. But Bond, Bond doesn't save the target. This, I mean, Patrice is hitmaning a guy. He kills him. And also, there's a sexy lady in the room with the assassin who before Patrice shoots

looks over to where the to where Patrice is and bond bond sees this. It's a nice nice little detail. There's there's a wonderful little detail that I like to when they start fighting when bond jumps and they start to fight. You can see the two bodyguards in there and the woman like React very calmly to the guy being shot and the two guys just pick him up and carry him away. And you go, ah, that's fair, it's been quite well planned. And then a second later, you go, oh, if you could do all of that, why didn't you have one of them shoot him?

In any case. Yeah. One of the bodyguards, and I'll be remiss to not mention this, one of the bodyguards is a massive guy, just a truly huge guy. His character is not named, his name is Severine's bodyguard in the script, but he is played by a man called Tankdon, which is so great, fantastic. Perfect name. So having fought the guy, he throws him out the window and he does the dangly out the window, tell me who you work for thing that bond has done like

50 times It's his only method of interrogation. Oh this got because we've seen Batman begins where he does yeah Yeah, but because we've seen that Patrice is like a professional. He doesn't fucking tell him shit He just lets go of him and he just you know falls off and bounces Severine this woman looks across sees bond they make contact, and then Bond teleports the second time, and he just like is just as gone. This is baffling because what they do is they have shot from behind Bond, where Bond is on the ground, you can see that Severine has seen him across like the gap between the skyscrapers. It does a shot from Severine's perspective of him sat on the the ground, and then one of like a close-up of her face. And then back to the second angle again, and he's gone.

It's to show you. He didn't hide away. Yeah. She didn't look away. She would have just seen him get up. He's, he does the Batman thing. But like, he also finds a casino chip in Patrice's back. All of Bond's leads are gone. So he looks through his like rifle thing and what he finds in there is a little casino chip from Macau. Now my thing here is Patrice has set up his like such a good methodical professional assassin and he leaves that shit in his luggage. I mean like he may as well have like ripped open his shirt to reveal a t-shirt reading next location

as he was falling. I went to Commodo Dragon, because you know in Macau, and all that, was this, I saw the Commodo Dragon. Yeah, was that fucking Commodo Dragon? Commodo Dragon, e-ring. So, I mean, they had to do this, because if they hadn't done this, I'm going to get a Commodo dragon E-Ring. So

I mean, they had to do this because if they hadn't done this, he would have nothing to go on and they'd have to be like, all right, we introduced some fucking poisoned apes into yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the only one who's been

being in Macau. Yeah, so what? Meanwhile back in London, somebody has posted the first five names on the Noccl, Killian Town. Yeah, but the way this is revealed. The whole month on a computer. Yes, it has a boomer moment where her laptop get tagged

with some like little bullshit. And it rolls up like a slot machine and it click here to claim your prize. And she fucking clicks it. And it's like, it's click here to claim your prize and then a shot of her face and then just like slowly moving the mouse. I'm like, you fuck it. Yeah, down to come on. Yeah. And just like a download website and

just clicking every download link like one of these will be a watching fucking madmushroom three is what she's doing. She immediately calls Tana, and I'm a computer's gotten very slow again. How do I open PDF? Why is my background changed? The other thing I'd like to bring up, and it's literally never remarked upon within the Tana of this movie, because they're setting it up for the second.

But since it's not remarked upon, we can talk about it as something ridiculous, which is sapphire, not sapphire, what's his counting name? Oh, uh, uh, which one? What's silver? Silver, silver, silver, silver thing. Every one of these things that he sent to Emma's had a skull on it, but not just a skull. A sure-be skull. It's a fucking, it's a Deodaleus Werte skull. Mm-hmm. And it's just never remarked upon, like none of them ever mentioned. And it's like, well, that's quite a clue, isn't it? Yeah, there's, you think there's going might be a Mexican maybe, but in any case, so God.

So Bond goes to the fucking Golden Dragon casino in Macau, which is out in the middle of the lake. Money Penny's also here now. Yeah, money Penny shows up. And at this point, because, right, like, so your dad's got the poker set, because we can't continue around, came out. But that's been a while ago, and he's gotten bored of it.

So now, they need to sell them something else. You need to get them something else for Christmas. Why don't you get them a shaving kit with a straight razor? Fuck me, Jesus Christ. If you look to the statistics on straight razor sales after this. Yeah, a bunch of people like fucking cut their noses off and shit because of this.

Get a shave at, they won't. I just got a bathroom doing that. Yeah. You can get a safety razor that like comes on a fucking like straight razor handle if you want to feel like that. No, Abby, Abby. You can't, you don't have to cut your nose off. I know you're trying to look Japanese, but that's just a stylistic choice.

They make it younger. Shit. So many people have noses. No, no, no, no, no, I watch too much anime as a child, and now I can't be happy, and as I have an incredibly pointy chin. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just give me two lines. Thanks. So money penny comes in. Huge tits.

And she's like, she's there to have sex with him. Right, like that's her thing. Because they've had some banter. And like because knowing how this is a good actor, it feels like earned, right? It feels like fine. It's fine. But like, she shaves him in an erotic way.

Did nothing for me until the bit where she like tells him to hold still and then calls him a dog at the end, but like, you know, horsescores. You know, you have to have a stupid button about dogs and tricks. We also learn a little bit about Gareth Mallory, who was a good guy because he was deployed in Chex Notes Northern Ireland.

Yeah, better than that, he's not just a bureaucrat because he was a Lieutenant Colonel in the SIS and he was captured by the IRA for three months. Now my question, I have two questions in fact, because Bond goes at his aburacrat and then Moneyfanny deploys that little factoid on him, and at the end Bond starts saying it with her like he already knew because he's not fucking allowed and not know anything. He's not allowed to get my mind. I know anything by a woman. Simply say, Chakirala. I mean, yeah, we've asked listen, I don't, I listen,

I just think it's very strange that that's the method you would use to be like, no, no, he's a good guy. I like, I like the attendance kernel in the captured. Why? How does a fucking left-end account of this trade-off? Get captured in the field. And how do they stay captured for three months in Northern Ireland? And how is that

a good thing in relation to his cut of anyway? So not a very big place. A series of things. Anyway, the reason why you know that you haven't revealed she's money-penning yet. The reason how you know that she is a character that you're supposed to care about in a female manner is that she doesn't actually have sex with Bond, which is nice.

But fortunately, there is another woman who will in this scene. Yeah, because we're going to go to the Komodo dragon casino and visit Taik-Dong. Taik-Dong in the Komodo dragon. Perfect. I mean, genuinely robot. Yeah, so he goes into the Commodore Dragon hotel, walks over a bridge with over a pit, which has a Commodore Dragon in it, and he goes, oh, it's a Commodore Dragon, sort of in a casual off-handed one. Yeah, notes it.

But notes that shit. Cash is his chip, which is like, I have completed this assassination contract, please pay me. And then the mistress of the house comes out, Severine. And I simply wrote down here, listen, right? I, I love an evil black lipstick wearing cigarette smoking firm. Need her to murder me. Um, I, right, we'll come back to this, right?

But that's amazing. Nails. It's important that you know. It's. That's what Severin is introduced at That's what she's like is like she's this fam fatag Yeah, so we immediately have to take that away from out of the right Severin now Immediately it's it's very important that we like see her like degraded, powerless and afraid. Thus rendering this movie more regressive than fucking golden eye. Because they never did that shit to Zeny on the top.

Zeny on the top went out like a fucking girl boss getting like hoisted by her own petard. There wasn't like a scene. Yeah, there wasn't a scene in the next bit where like Pierce Brosnan came up to her and he was like, I see you were fucking abused as a child, how does that make you feel? The scene is so well acted though, just what makes it a shame because Bond says to her, he's like, hey, I want to meet the boss and she is visibly scared of this guy. The bad guy, the bad guy. There's a really sort of like pivotal line here. I think it's one of the better lines in the movie

because I think it reflects one of the other, there's two directions, this movie's being pulled in, right? Direction number one, we want to set up for a shitload more Bond movie. So here's the new cue, here's the new M, here's the new money penny, here's the new fucking office, right? And then the other direction is,

I would quite like to continue the like serious, dramatic narrative arc of Craig Bond that started in Casino Royale and had some emotional weight to it, the bit that I think Daniel Craig was more interested in. And so his line is, she tells him, like, yeah, you know nothing James Bond. And he says, I know when a woman is afraid and pretending not to be, and we know, of course, he has learned this hard way with Vespa because all of her lines were James. I have a terrible secret, and I'm afraid, but I can't tell you.

And he's just like, yep, cool, fine. I'm going to be gambling. But it's a nice, it's kind of a nice twist because Bond spots that she is more of a captive of a bad guy of the bad guy than a henchman. But the way he's been done before, notice his a tattoo on her wrist and says like, oh, you were a sex slave. Like did he find you when you were a kid and like, quote unquote, rescue you? And it's just really like, I guess that kind of feels like for a spy, using someone's real trauma against them.

Sure, but, absolutely, but also it's really bad. My note here just says, we are an hour into this movie and have not met the villain yet. This woman is going to get fridged so hard. You know what? This scene reminds me of a not in a good way. It's the scene where George Lason be met that woman in a casino and said, I think you're in trouble. You don't owe me anything and I want to help you.

That's it. Yeah. Played it so much better than this. Well, fucking, Dawson did a better than this with fucking Loupa in License to Kill, who was afraid of fucking Sanchez, right? Like, she had more agency than fucking Severundas. I mean, essentially what's happened here is that the writers have pulled the big, like, it's the big arm, and it's spun around the fucking slot machine wheels, and it's come

up with, okay, we need another woman to be like, oh, you can't help me, James, not from him. Yeah. Which has happened 100,000 fucking previous. Every time they want to introduce a villain that they haven't done, like, there's two kinds of Bond film, there's the one where you meet the villain like minute one and you get ages to sit with him and you start to really like him like fucking gold finger or something like that. And then you get some shit like the world is not enough where you are simply told that he is bad 40 to 50 times and then you meet him and you're like this guy seems like it doesn't live up to the ocean.

This guy seems kind of bitch made. So they've just tried this again with this guy and they they may actually do both of them by the way and in no time to die, which is cool So I'm gonna not to test this into a no time to die review because it's fucking it makes no time to die so much worse Yeah, it's like it's proto no time to die right it's it's some time No sky to fall Mm-hmm stop it So she's, I'm sorry. So, Severine is like, listen, if you can help me maybe by killing silver, my bodyguards who I guess, my, my jaylas are going to fight you on the way out.

If you fight them and win, meet me on my boat and we'll go to silver. To feed this minibus. Yeah, but Bond goes to leave and then tank Don. Tank Don. Tank Don immediately throws him into the fucking Commodo Dragon pit. There's a point here because he starts to walk across the bridge and then Tank Don is stood at the other end of the bridge. It doesn't let him pass.

And like two extra guys arrive behind him and Bond notes Tank, turns around and looks at with two guys behind him. One of which is like leaning on the bus truck with his hands so in his jacket and he just gives him like the sort of upward nod of like, yep, we're going to kill you now, but sort of like a nothing personal professional. We are. Yeah. Yeah.

Good day champion. Yeah. It's cute. Oh, yeah, a big fella. Yeah. So tank Tank Dong and James Bond fall into the Commodo Dragon pit. Yes. That is a big thing. And your tank doesn't layer his face when he just points to the commodo dragon.

He does the soy point at the Commodo Dragon twice. Yo, is that a fucking Commodo dragon? He's the entire way through this fight. He is like, yo, is that a fucking Commodo dragon? And the tank dong, a man who works in the fucking Commodo dragon casino every day to get to work walking across a big Commodo dragon. The Commodo dragon falls into the Commodo dragon bit and then like, it somehow doesn't consider

that it's a possibility that might be a commotate. He must have done something in the piss that Kamala Dragon off. Like, they must have history. He gets, and honestly, to be fair, as you've made this point, you know, if you spend every working day around a hazard, he's twice as one. He's twice as one. Biggest hazard, yeah. Absolutely.

But, you put a big safety as job number one sign over the dragon pit. The commander dragon does some shit, but Commander Dragons don't do to tank Don. Not even really worth getting into. Yeah, by it's him on the leg and like drags him back into his pit, which is, yeah, they wouldn't be strong enough to do and be that's not how they are. One of Bon's two gadgets is expended. The gun that only shoots when he's holding it because tank Don, like points the gun, it takes the gun off and points it out. I mean, it doesn't work and he gets eaten. So, we then see Severine about to leave. She has like two glasses of champagne and she's like,

oh, he didn't make it, he must have been killed. Get to the shower. Yeah, on the yacht. And James Bond, bathroom intruder. And this is the fucking shower. I remember the backlash to this scene. This is the shower rape scene. It's pretty.

The shower intruder scene. Yeah. James leaves the commode a dragon pit through the expedient of climbing up the second commode a dragon and jumping off a fucking live in the dire. Fucking live in the dire. Yeah.

Sick nasty. Money pennies save some from the other two. Teleports into teleports into a shower They have sex you're basically consensual not good very strange So this is a woman who we have identified has previously been a child sex slave You would think there was nightmarish strange naked man. I mean you should always Get like explicit consent, but you think if anytime. There's like you should always get explicit consent. But you think if any time there's like, you should really do this,

would be just like when you walk naked into her shower. And. Ba da da, he's got his dick and balls out already. Yeah, like it's really, I'm like seeing missing. I'm also why, like, they don't have any particular, come see there's no reason to do this. She has a white.

It's because I'll tell you, fucking why it is, is because they had a romance scene with money penny, but they didn't have sex. Yeah, Bond is a blue board. It's gonna be their next woman they can see. Oh, what the fuck is she doing? So like, he'd have to tell a poor have sex with woman and she dies 10 fucking minutes down the line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate this fucking rule. So they take the yacht to a battleship island, and I've written down here. It's a writing convenience more than it is like a character. Yeah, yeah, it's ticking the box. So we now go to... We'll also back in London, then.

Democratic, I'm sorry. We live in a society. Yeah, and we live in a society and she's like, fuck you. So we got a battleship island, which is off the coast of Japan. And I've written down here, forgotten uninhabited island off the coast of Asia with a lot of concrete. What a unique location.

I certainly hope you never see this again. I wrote villains love to have an island. Yes, that's true. That's true. That's true. In real life, I've got an island. I've got an island.

Yeah. Like Dr. Owen Kravky, like fucking, Skyrimanga Island. The island of white, the sun, the island of man, so far. Oh, god, your next enemy is in Switzerland. The island of white. Yeah, man. So fucking, the next enemy is in Switzerland. Oh fuck, how are we gonna get it?

Um, but then we meet the villain of the piece. And here's my fucking like big problem. Oh, I have a draw in the form. In a form of riprope. All right, fine. The thing, the thing you should know about this villain, right, is because he's been hacking M's computers, is that he is just...

I find a computer indispensable. From V to a kill. That's his deal. Computer blowfeld. But here's the thing. One of the first thing with this movie was what if you loved your country, but your country didn't like you back? Great theme. And so our villain is a former MI6 agent with a grudge against M. Great. Really good, really like it.

This is good. But it should have been PS Brosnan. It should have been Brosnan because he should have been like, you fucking abandoned me in North Korea. I've had my dick and balls stung up by scorpions. I'm a scary rapist according to this woman. Like it should have been him. Yeah, you're right.

The thing is, this is something I brought up in the fucking Die Another Day for, which is like, Brosman gets out of North Korea and M says directly to him, what do you mean, now of course we weren't ever gonna get you out, you should have used your sign I'd built, kill yourself, idiot, if it was out to me you'd still be there. And I was like, wow, this bitch seems like a real cunt. I wonder what's going on. And that like, there were finally exploring that as a topic

where we have an agent that she has done this exactly too. And like it could have been, Pierce. Really could, doesn't it? Even so good. He was the right age. Imagine how it would have been if he just got a shot of him walking in with the old fashioned Rolex and we got in the 90s, probably.

Do you want to know something fucked? Right. The thing is, right, they gave it to Javier Bardem because Javier Bardem loves having fucked up hair in a movie. And so he got a lot of work in this. He does. But they offered it to Kevin Spacey.

Oh my god, that would have been perfect. Holy shit. Oh my god. That would have been phenomenal for us. Not for anyone else. No, no. No. So Javier Bodem sits down.

His name is Silver. It's not really, but like, that's his coat name. And he's like, it's worth noting, but again, we're at like the one hour 20 minute. Oh, yeah, I'm pushing to get through this at like two hours. We have, we have fucking been told about this guy so long. And his introductory scene is he gets an elevator down and walks towards Bond for like five uninterrupted minutes, delivering a monologue. And at the same time, volume, though, like you expect him, like he's at one end of the room, you kind of want Bond to go like, what?

Like he's just a conversational volume, 40 feet away. So just like, Mr. Bond, he's also gay. Yeah, he's a predatory bisexual, which is a total novelty in media. He, he like he like, I mean, the character is what if Anton Shiger was gay like that's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He like, he touches bond up a bit, bond kind of like gay flirts back a little bit to show like bravado. Um, anyway, listen, is if you're wondering, are they going to engage maybe with the politics of having a gay former MI6 agent in a country that has actually been quite home of urban can still is for a long time. No, they're not going to engage with politics of that sort of course. No, he's gay because it's threatening to be gay. He's like a gay

because it's fun to expose. He has a little gay mannerisms and a little gay voice. It's charming. So yeah, he gave him up the Chinese because he was a faggot. Come on, it was it. Yeah, only choice we had. He grope's bond a bit and then says, oh, well, M has been lying to you the whole time because she's awful. Bond goes, she never lied to me and Silver hits him with the... I didn't have Bonpast, it's... He didn't. Yes, I did edit that to say I didn't have Bonpast, but he like you did. I also only cut up to turn on O'Bone Passers.

Yeah. But like, to show him that like, she sent him out here because he's not fucking ready and she's like, he's utterly disposable. And you think that you're her favorite. I used to be her favorite. And she fucking did for me. For me, it's just gonna do for you.

We would, it should have been brought to them. But she hires orphans, she makes that explicit lady about the lies. She hires orphans acts as a surrogate mother figure, quote, the the Brosnan line, your mother, she likes to think so. And and then just drops the marriage to world completely disposable. And it's like, this is an interesting thing to explore. But they don't we know really? Explore it. He it. He does get one very fun line, which is tied into the like this is basically the last you'll see of the for England James theme where he's like, you know, you're doing all this shit for what for England for the Empire. And

then he hits him with you're living in a ruin as well, which I liked a lot. And we will come back to this in future movies. It's a good thing to pick up. But so if you then get to board with this, and he's like, right, we're gonna go out and we're gonna see Severine to get rid of her for plot reasons. But so you know, I'm gay and sedastic.

We have extraneous female character plus one. Yeah, the way I'm gonna show you that I'm gay and sedistic is she's gonna look a little bit beaten up and then she's gonna be like tied to a statue. I'm gonna balance a glass of scotch on her head and I'm gonna make you do your marksmanship test again so that you, you know, you fucking william tell

that glass of scotch rather than choosing her to which I wrote me and who. Now, Also Bond refers to it as scotch and I nearly had a fucking aneurysm because I was like, there is no god damn way a real scotch person would ever call it that. Oh, he, he, he, he downs a, a shot glass,

a shot glass mind you of McCallan in one, which ridiculous. So yeah, so, so bond shoots, misses, and then silver, like gets bored of this plot line as quickly as the movie does and just kills her. It's like, yeah, okay, cool. Done that, tick that off the old to-do list. And then the reinforcement's because he used the radio.

Dada, da-da. He gets a little smarmy, cunt line where he's like, oh, it's the new gadget from Cuberant, it's called a radio. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so forgets arrested, which is not a thing I knew M.I.6 did. Especially not when they were in Macau or question month, whatever, and just shoot him with a gun. No, what they do is they take him back to their headquarters. They put it in the fucking like.

They put him in Magneto's prison from X-Men too. They put him in the low key chamber in Magneto's prison. Of course, he used it down. It was real. They put him in a perfect glass hexagon. They put it in a bag, it's real cat. They put it in a perfect glass hexagon. And then M comes to see him. And Silver like reveals the whole story,

which is that like, I used to work for her in Hong Kong and I was captured and I was tortured and I refused to give up information on her. And then I realized, oh, actually she betrayed me and she gave me up. And even then, I still didn't want to fucking reveal information. So I tried to kill myself. I tried to use the cyanide pill in my mola. Yeah, everything that she said, Ross and I should have done. Now, now once again, this is where the movie hits you with its masterstroke you thought he was normal brackets maybe but gay but

facial deformity we got another one do you want to know how I got these scars he he reveals that he has a facial deformity because these sign. Percent facial deformity rate apart from, well, I guess, okay, fine, 75% mature, a malaric, didn't have one in quantum assaultless. But other than that, yeah, he's like, the whole side of his jaw is missing all of his teeth are rotted out, he's got like a dental plate in there.

Yeah. It also affects his eye for some reason. Yeah, he looks a bit like melted Richard Keel, like if you put Richard Keel on the microwave for a bit. So yeah, this kind of makes a bit of an impression on Bond as they're leaving. More so than, as they're leaving, just like tells Bond is just like, yeah, Hando was coming up for Hong Kong from the English to a Chinese. I got six good agents out of it.

Easy deal. And like the fact that she is so completely and perfectly blase about it really should come up. Yeah, you get like little flashes of regret maybe, but then like, you know, she doesn't really like and the bean counter thing of em. She doesn't. She did the math. And she's like, like yeah six for one

easy. It's a thing they've been trying to do with em since golden I and they've been kind of mostly missing they immediately forgot about it and fucking tomorrow never dies like but yeah the idea that she's like this kind of like bloodless accountant you know that's that's quite good when it's explored and this movie credit to it does actually explore it. So now we get something that like, I listen, we're a podcast with three trans people on a 100% of our listeners work in like information technology and information security as a MI6. That's what I'm talking about.

That too. So the problem is they do the NCIS hacking scene where there are two people on one people. They just do that. The problem with hiring fem boys, right, is that they don't fucking understand network security. And so there's fucking twink, Q. Takes this computer that they took off the guy and he plugs it with a fucking cable into the network of the fucking MI6 secret base. Like he doesn't take it off site. into the network of the fucking Am I sick secret base?

Like he doesn't take it off site, he doesn't even air that shit, he doesn't have like a little fucking anpharm to explore that shit, he just plugs that shit right in. More on. This series where we're setting up, like oh, we want a more grounded, gritty realistic thing. That only applies to like guns and gadgets,

whereas now he was like, he's using a mutant quantum mainframe to alter the code as I'm using my To a program I'm building a Gary and visual basic yeah, yeah, what yeah, he's fucking fucking cues got like a keyboard on his arm Like a you here do all this he's like He's hacking the mainframe So he just do computer's magic scenes.

So that's all wanted to be captured all the long because he's the Joker. Yes, he's the damn Joker because M is now getting hauled in front of the... I just want my phone. The parliamentary select committee because of these agents being leaked and one of them being killed, right?

Mm. Meanwhile, all of as we've learned from Rory Kanere and his ass earlier on, these tunnels, they connect to fucking everything because of Churchill or whatever. Yeah, and so yeah, and so Bond picks the name of a disused London Underground station out of some bullshit because he has autism like me.

Oh, whatever. And yeah, no, there's like computers genius, Q, whatever, who gives a fuck. Gake, you can't figure out the fuck's going on and bonds like, oh, it's a bloody tube station name. Why don't you use it as the key and everything starts turning red and I'm just like, nothing is real. How much did it hurt silver to leave a clue so obvious even bond would pick it out? 2012. Yeah, so it's going to virus in the network in the brain for neurons of the laptop and it's a joke because he wanted to be captured because he's the chelka. Yeah, he escapes.

Fucking what? Well, we see M getting like owned in the select committee like Mallory is sympathetic, but the chair Yeah, the chairwoman of this committee is a bitch. She hates M and therefore Spending this is like going off on her and we see why M hates democracy. Yeah, we get some fun little bickering between between Q and Bond That's nice. I like that. They're like an old married couple and so like bond tries to warn her It's like no you have to get M to safety. Tana sees this and he's like, oh no, I can't. She's going sicko mode on the MPs.

Because what she's done, is she's started posting fucking Ternison. She does a little speech. And then she does the coolest shit that you can do when you've been given a public speaking opportunity. And she's like, I've got a poem here. Hennison. And I'd love to read from for a bit and it's one to two hours.

Well the thing is right, Bond is chasing Silver. Silver like chase. Silver's virus opened all the doors and it's over. Yeah, Silver has changed into a police officer's uniform. Again, he just like me. And so he's about to climb up into the fucking West Mainstead gym station. I would like to note something, which is, there's something really compelling to me about this

particular chase. What are you using all of the semiotics in more so? It's compared to me more so that the fact that it's in London is sort of by the buy. No, it's not. I think it's it's it's compared to be more so than like the fact right the fact that it's in London is sort of by the by it like it's not I think it's harder than like the of course, but look it hits me harder than the the boat chase that they did in London because like I've been on the Thames exactly one fucking time, but I've been on the tube at rush hour so many fucking times and to have a chase scene there I'm like, oh, I know this instinctively. I understand everything that's happening here. And like, there's something very grounded about that to me.

I know enough to know that you can slide down the escalators because they've got advocates. I'm just stuck with you. Yeah, you would hit your dick and balls. Yeah, they don't. They've got little middle things. I've seen the video. So I'm doing that. This is like the franchise is like attempt to come to terms seven years later with the tube bombings, right? Like, fucking silver dumps a tube train on bond by blowing up a wall.

And you see, like bond had to sprint through all of these emergency services and stuff, while M reads Tennyson. And it's like, oh, patriotism is quite good, isn't it? It's like it's old fashioned, but maybe you need old fashioned, these things. It's cool, you also get some capital letters, ideology, becauseism is quite good, isn't it? It's like it's old fashioned, but maybe you need old fashioned these things. It's cool you also get some capital letters, ideology, because M is like,

really do. MI6 exists to make people feel safe, and it's like, no, it does not. That is not in MI6's job description. MI6 exists to preserve the foreign interests and the government. And the United Kingdom's economic interest abroad. Yeah, so I know that for reasons, I don't

wait for them. There is one other detail that I want to pull out, and it's just a little comical one, which is the like before silver dumps the train on, Bond manages to shoot noise when he gets shot at. Normally, shot for being in. Should have a kitchen a little bit. Just as am is like, and just as am is like, actually patriotism is good. And do you feel safe, silver bursts in opens fire on

and music. Malorie takes a bullet for M, but Silver gets away. It was at that moment that he truly became M. It truly became M. Yeah, there's M at the fucking literally, it's just like, I'd like to represent myself at Oxford Dictionary to find patriotism. And I was like, shut up, fuck off.

And I said fuck off out loud actually, when she started to do that. But it still gets away. Bond starts to respect both M. And do money for different roles. Bond gets the P.P.K. He kicks Mallory a Glock. He kicks Money Penny a Glock.

At this point I wrote down, oh, this is kicking guns. Fine, we fine. We've all got blocks everybody calm down Yeah, but now we and the bond has to take and on to great as the perfects like Infiltration tactic is that he walks in the front door start shooting and at no point in the scene Does he move from the exact location he was stood in yep? Yep, he doesn't even hide and I'm like I would have shot him So yeah, you give me a gun. I I'm like, I would have shot him. So you could give me a gun I've never used before. I would have shot him by now.

So Bond, this is the point of wisdom of he goes off derails because Bond kidnaps him in like a positive way. He's like, okay, we need to take you off the ball. Yeah. I've just realized what my, I said fuck off out loud. No, it was actually referring to. What was your, if it's ahead of this It's coming up good good good. So so he takes her to a storage locker, right where he is keeping

The Aston Martin DB5 your dad is meant to stand up and clap at this bit Yeah, I've got even you know, I've got the Sound I've also got the sound that it plays when he reveals the Aston Martin, and it's this. Yeah. You are yet to move your things. Yeah, that's the card. That's the card. That's the card.

That's the card. That's the card. He is supposed to stand up in the cinema. That's James Bond's card. James Bond's card. James Bond's card. He is. It's got a fucking license plate. Please don't plate Mine this so much because we have set up in casino

I already has the 1960s for us to month Okay, that's the thing Listen, I will fucking get to this I will get to it This does not have like it's not a company card It doesn't have a tracking device in it That's why we're using it I'm like okay cool. I like it

Alright fine So then in the very next shot, what happens, Alice? The next shot. The next shot, she gets in the car, she's bitching, there's women love to do. And she's like, oh, it's not very comfortable. And he flips like on the top of the gear shift and it's got the ejector button in it

from fucking gold finger. And she knows what it does. Because she goes, go ahead, eject, museum if I give a shit. Now, this is the thing, right? Number of things to say. This is the thing that I really want to dig into because this is two movies pulling each other apart, right? It really is. The fucking Aston Martin has a continuity in the Craig Bond films. He won it in a poker game in Nasur in Casino Rale. What it quantum science? Not important. Anyway, it was Casino Rao. Yeah, so that exists there.

And then he gets it, fucking, but that's it's thing in the Craig movies, right? That's it in the Craig arc. But then pulling apart from that is 50 years of James Bond. He's the same guy all the way through. This is Connery's car has the Connery thing in it. He did all the Connery shit. And the...

It's the Connery car from fucking... Yeah, gold finger and thunder ball. It's the same guy. It's got all the same gadgets. In this movie, there are two bonds. One is called Craig Dixock. And we have seen him have a narrative arc from Cassandra.

Craig Fingersuck. Yeah, excuse me. One is called Craig Fingersuck, but he also does a bit of the Dicksuck. The other is called Crank Dicksuck. And the other is called the same guy because he was in all the other movies. And the only way that you can make sense of this is either this movie is pulling itself apart trying to be both of these things at once and it like alternates depending on which the writers remember to do, or the Devon theory, Cassino Rial and Quantum of Solace happen,

every other movie happens, then this. That's my belief. I think it's stupid, but I think that that's what I think. This came after the world is not enough. Exactly. I've done another day in the genuine canon. I don't think it's that way, because then why is is M, then a man, and then a woman, now? But they could have had a cute line about when she said... Endition.

She says it's not very comfortable here. You could have gone, ah, shut up, or I'll hit the ejector seat. And she'll go, you don't have an ejector seat, do you? And then he just looks at her like, that would have been a cute little moment. We didn't. We didn't need to break the whole movie. It's so... He won this car in NASA. He says explicitly, it's like a whole movie so he won this car in NASA Yeah, he says explicitly. It's not a company car But it's it's got all the gadgets from Goldfinger and in the next movie

He is repairing it and complaints about it not being brought back in one piece what so what? Who's in his car is has many guns in it in the fucking headlights Did he do that? Did he just like, he did it in style? Did he just do it in style? He just did it in style. So I'm London somewhere that will do this for you?

Yeah, he put an ejecto seat in his car in between the events of Casino Royale and this. So why? Uh, shut up. Just the passenger seat as well. Like he copied the mistakes of the fucking. So he went for the most situational gadget humanly possible. Anyway, we go back to Wayne Manor.

Yeah, because Q has to leave a little trail, right, of bread crumbs to solve the follow, because they're luring him into a trap. That's important. A trap, it's a location of their choosing. Gareth Mowry truly becomes M because he helps them do an off-the-books operation. I was also about to say that, but you'd say it faster than me, so we don't need to start.

Do you remember this really nice little theme we had set up in Cassino Real that Bond actually grew up poor and is pretending to be posh to fit in with MI6? It was a really nice thing. Like Eva Green was saying, I was really, really liked it. Yeah, I fucked that up. I really enjoyed it. Actually, he grew up in a mansion with a butler. It's at least it's at least consistent with himself with it's with itself with its own

movie because at least he is living in a ruin like you said. Duh, duh, duh, duh, themes. But yeah, Alfred is there. But Bond and Em go back to his childhood home of Skyfall. Alfred is there. You've got to you pick up your father's hunting rifle because this theme came out of nowhere but this script can match up with something else. Home alone happens. The other thing we find is that like there's a

gilly, there's a gamekeeper called Kincade, Albert Finney, doesn't even sound Scottish. Alfred, he's Alfred. Does say, does say things like Doesn't sound for it doesn't talk but what they do what they do have in the house and to Scott Well, they do have in the house is James Bond's dad's rifle a couple of like this has been mentioned what Yeah, who is father whose initials were AB which is also Alfred broccoli? They did that as a Because it's 50 years So so so so and I did that as a little trick. Because it's 50 years ago. So what it also has is a priest toll. Now a priest toll is something that recu- isn't Catholics, like hidden Catholics had in the middle ages,

not the middle ages, the fucking like, you know what I mean, shut up. But in the 19th century, sometimes the 1950s, if you wanted to hide a priest in your house, which was illegal, because Catholicism was illegal, at some point in the 1960s, which was the point last year, if you weren't to hide a priest, you had to have a little hole for them, a priest told for them to hide it. You could still hide a priest now.

You could, you could, but there's a great bit, because it's like a secret passage out, right? And a King Cade says to him, when I told him his parents died, he hid in there for two days because he's Batman, he chose to take the form of a bat to like, you know, frighten criminals. Stuck fear into his heart. And then like,

ever supportive relative I have ever had, delivers the perfect line. And it did come out. He wasn't going to buy any more. Delightful. He'd had sex. Yeah, because again, this beautiful rental troller is mentioned. Transition. Transition. Transition. Anyway, they do home alone things.

Seems you've passed. They do home alone things. They rig a bunch of stupid traps. The bad guys arrive. They have a fight. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, which again, he won on a bet like two years ago. Silver arrives on helicopter, blows up the DB5 and this is the thing that like pisses Bond off the most. Yes. It's like his car is in it. I can find it. He was doing a task. You destroyed his car and I wrote, destroying his car, initializes ultra instinct bond mode.

Well essentially the music starts playing, but he just does what he was already doing but faster. Yeah. He gets a fucking like the little little like now it's personal look about the car not about Em Mitchell No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no What about Ronson? Yeah, but they kill a bunch of guys. He helps get to safety in the fucking chapel with Alfred. One blows up the house. Yeah, stuffy making that get away. They just like turn on a flashlight and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Silver throws a bunch of grenades in the windows in a weird way because he's gay. Bond blows up skyfall because he's like, I was hated this place. That's fine, right? It's meant to be like liberating, right? But this is a bigger problem, right? Because,

but not England though, the house is in England, don't get confused even though we spend an hour and saying, not kind of is, no, it's not, that was different. Yeah, it means it's different, it means it's different. It means it's different. And you can't never give bond like loss or freedom from anything, right?

Like, you can't even fucking say it's car away because the car's gonna come back. The house is like, you know, that's not important. We've never seen it before. It's never gonna come up again. But the fucking car is gonna come back. And I use that as an example of how you can't ever do anything that interesting with this character

because you just have to bring it back. You just have to put all the pieces back on the board the way they came and you have to do the same thing forever. Yeah, but Wayne Managot's blown up. You just sort of put all the pieces back on the board the way they came and you have to do the same thing forever Um, but wait man, I get blown up. Wait a minute. Get blown up. Bond is chasing silver who's who's chasing Emmy runs across a fallen lake. Yeah, and then the

The The Amazing teleporting come appears behind With a gun. Honestly, this is this is heartening to me because I've been here this entire time going not only is there not a single fucking good night cross candidate at all in the works. There's not a single fucking Kronstein Rosette candidate but from Tankdome, but he doesn't do anything I just like his name. And then this guy, but then the amazing telephotoing gun appears behind him. Oh, he was in to view. He doesn't know the frozen lake.

He whispers into you. But Silver's like, ah, fuck you, shoots Bond's feet. Bond falls through the frozen lake. And the henchman is still trying to kill him underwater, which is why he's getting nominated for the Grand Sting. Absolutely, absolutely, really committed. Just like they're both underwater, and also like they're both right, they're both

underwater, they're both drowning, but the henchmen is still attempting to choke Bond out. Yeah, they don't drown in breathing, come. Make him breathe. Punch him in the chest. What do you do? And then and then James Bond after holding his breath for what I could only call like 10 to 15 fucking minutes. Just just just get out get out. It's fine. He's like in frozen water and scoppel and jappel. So fucking six. Silver and M gets some acting, right? Like he tries to kill her. He can't kill her. He doesn't have it in him. He wants her to fucking kill them both. I thought it was quite good. I mean, that's not good. Yeah, but the best thing is when you don't have bonds. The best acting is when you don't have bonds. Parents are buried, so it's all getting very confused.

Yeah. This film needed one fewer passes at the script. That's true. And so, so, so, like, but like, he's very perfectionist, still of it is about this. He's like, of course, I had to be here. He's very angry that fucking King Cade interrupts them, right? But like then bond perfectly teleported into the doorway and throws a knife that King Caded back earlier used to be like, ah, sometimes the old ways are the best That's the moral of this movie apparently, I guess He throws it right between a shoulder blade and what's really funny is that like as he's dying

So if it just mostly sounds annoyed like he's just like Throwing into his back and he's like can you Like I'm in the middle of I can't believe you've done this. Dies are fun. And then M dies a plot. I mean, she had been shot. She was bleeding out, but like she dies a plot. She's like 800 years old and she's been shot like.

Yeah, yeah, she like. She's been a man. She's not only because she's a woman. Bond cries T.F. Yeah, she's like, I did one thing, right? You're my best special boy and I'll love you forever. Mum, he's very proud. Remember to be James Bond forever.

Yeah, because she's like, see it. I don't know where the fuck are good luck. Oh, always be doing James Bond shit. My dying words to you make another dozen of these movies or else. Oh, and Garath is the new. I have a book forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garith is the new US have a book forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garith is the new M. He's back in the old M's office. We have the old office and old at brackets male.

And we have a fucking Tennyson. We're back to the boomer fantasy of MI6 again, rather than the fucking like, Oh, what do we do after the cold war, kind of view of MI6 that we had during the Brosnan years? And all is well in the world. They wabbled around for a bit. They were like, oh my god, we might have to reckon with.

And then they were like, wait a minute, of course we fucking don't. No. And then they were just like, okay, here's Q, he's gay. That's cool. My friend is a girl boss. M is a guy again. Don't worry. And James Bond finishes the movie by being like ready to serve.

I mean, M is transmask at least. This theme of like, oh, patriotism, but what if your country doesn't love you back? It's just dropped, which is just a shame. Yeah, it does. This movie limps throughout the third act, sloughing fucking themes, sports points. We've ended on what?

They do an hour of home alone, and then it's like, don't worry, your country does love you back because the country is your mum, and she's given you a special little treat, which is this dog, to say, make a bunch more of these movies one every year forever, and Daniel Craig looks straight down the camera like he has a fucking laser sight on his forehead and goes with pleasure, end of movie. But I'd love to.

Oh god, it's tragic. It's a shame because we started off so well. The genuine problem, I think, is right. The more films never had a theme. No. They had no fucking idea. They tried one. They did one. They did one theme. It was vengeance as bad. That was cool.

Then they did a much cooler movie later on where vengeance was sickenasty. That's neat. They just, they never had movie later on where the vengeance was sickenasty. They just, they never had themes, they never had to reconcile with anything. By the time Rosnan came along, they were like, shit, shit. The British Empire isn't real anymore. Cold Wars over. There are no major enemies what we're gonna do. And then they're just like, don't worry, actually it's fine. We could just keep it going. And up to the point where fucking, it's fucking the bad guy at no time to die. Again, I'm doing a no time to die of you.

Has a secret island base that's halfway between Russia and Japan. And I'm like, oh, cool. The two bad countries in the Bond cannon. This is the worst place you can be. He refuses to go entirely Japanese. But we do have a science based system on the bottom of my mind. We do, we call it the scum system. And it's just, it's the more competently his movies get,

the more depressing it is to see them just completely fail to have anything to say. But it's like watching a kid get older and not amount to anything. It's how my parents must feel. So we, we So we have a... Hey, you've got a podcast. Yeah. Yeah. That's much worse than having one podcast. I didn't know Alice passed. She didn't. So we have a science-based system. Thank you.

The SCUM system for SMAM cultural incency, to have the unprovoked violence and massageally. So SMAM in this movie, what do you think? Do we only count Bond's smaam or is it the ambiance? Yeah, we only count Bond. We only count Bond. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh that reveal at the end, because they don't do this until the credit start, where it just suddenly goes 50 years of bond and you go, oh, that's why this movie starts. That's why this movie starts. This is why it's been sucking itself off the whole time.

Okay. Right, I get it. I think it's a little higher than previously. How do we feel about a four, three? I'd go three, I think. Because I think Daniel Craig has now been been able here to find a medium for the smar that kind of works for him. So he has a couple of little lines where he's just like, it's funny, it's smarmy. Like when when when M is just as many that aren't funny, though, he's a brave new world. I'm like, that's not the only thing.

But like, yeah, so like, for instance, when M is like looking at the car and like, oh, it looks like a piece of shit James, he's like, get in. And I quite liked that, you know, that's a good kind of smile. So yeah, three, I guess. Not sure who sensitivity. Um, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do In any case, the only like she's in Asia, she's been in Asia, that's the only like fucking like context we have for it is sex trafficking. What else? What else? What else? I want to give it a point for silver being gay in a very

interesting way. Yeah, one of the fucking one of the agents that they have has like, they put the two images side by side, and one of them's like a work ID card photo, and the other one is sort of like what every daily mail read that imagines a Muslim guy to look like. He's got the massive beard and everything. He's significantly his skin is several shades darker. That's a bit racist, I think. Yeah. Three, four. Four. Okay. On provoked violence. On provoked violence.

On provoked violence. Well, I mean, it's all pretty provoked, I think. Um, I can struggling to think of any moments where he does something and I'm like, whoa. Yeah, everybody's, everybody's trying to kill him unless, unless you count getting in the shower as an act of violence, which arguable. I'm gonna give it to the misogny. Yeah he doesn't save that guy from being assassinated. I kind of want to give him a point for that. No, no. You could have saved that man's life. Yeah I mean he does drop the guy to the window but it's sort of like ambiguous as to whether he like drops him or the

guy just like pushes himself off. He falls. Yeah. I could go on or two even, I think. Dev. Okay. Miss one of the, I'm not having an opportunity. I think this is quietly one of the more reactionary craig movies. Yeah. Yeah. Just genuinely, I hope the loud liven.

It's like, the old ways were the best ways. What's that? The old ways were the best ways. And it that? The old ways were the best ways. And it's like, okay, what are those in tail? Getting into women's showers, unannounced. Fucking. Yeah, what do the old ways think about women? Don't worry.

Ah, I'm hungry. Like, it's, it's fine because they can, yeah, it's not good. It's not good. They can be girl bosses, but if they're not good enough at it, then they have to be secretaries. Yeah, I think you're right. I think it is actually one of the slimy,

a lot of secretary is just a failed ghost. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, M's role is reduced to like mother, you know, they really make that explicit too. Yeah, they explore it, but they don't explore it in a way that's like, No, they just go like, yeah, they've like read someone's like, essentially, it's just like, and gone like, I am a bit like a mother figure to bond,

and they've noticed that, done a couple of lines about it, and then this movie is fully just like, yeah, she is, and that's cool. Yeah, she's, she, she fucking recruits often children, grew into become super secret agents, and then will abandon them if it like makes sense to her mathematically. Yeah. And also, don't worry,

she'd never face as come up with this for this. She dies at the end. I would say sex for this. Without having this challenge at any point. I don't think it's up there with the corneries, but I think it is. It's like a kind of very 2012 kind of misogyny. I think it's at least as misogynist as gold nive

Which was a sex oh I agree completely yeah, true in that case Uh, we have a total school of we give it one for unprovenced violence and wait that can't be right I mean, I imagine it will be quite low because like he doesn't really do anything doesn't do anything. It's It's 14 which is the best way to move without so far. Well, this is the thing right it doesn't do anything. It's 14, which is the best way to move really far so far. This is the thing, right? It doesn't relate to what it's not a measure of best. No, it morally best, perhaps. Because he's not violent.

That's true. It's true. It really saves you a lot of points. Did we miss anything? I really don't think we did. Whoever is out there keeping up the fucking big league table of scums, whoever you are. And I dream of the day where we have a Wikipedia page where you can have that like uploaded properly.

Yeah, then please update accordingly. But we also like to award a couple of decorations in this movie, the Cronstein Rosette, to the hench person who went above and beyond. And the good night cross for the character on the side of good and righteousness, that is MI6, for also going above and beyond. So what do we think about our Cronstein Rosette here? Teleport and Cunt.

There's only one amazing teleport and Cunt, which is again, one you want to do the Wikipedia table, that's what you should put his name in as. Don't go and look it up on the cast list, write him in as the amazing teleports and Kant. It was such like a bit, we know that a crime scene was gonna happen because I paused it on Amazon and it had like the little actors in this scene bit

and it was just like Daniel Craig, photo of him wearing a suit at like the premiere. How about photo of him wearing a suit at the premiere? Judy Dench at the premiere, Alpha Fimia's Concade at the premiere in a suit. And then just like Silvers Henchman and his picture is like the glorious screenshot of this scene. I'm like, probably think, yeah, that's a good part. This guy exists for like two seconds in the movie. That's right. I don't think there is a good night crossman. I don't think anything. I disagree. I disagree. I think there is one. I think it's the gender psychiatrist who

like asks Bond about joking off. I think he really went the extra mile. Okay, and I'd like to know that that didn't happen. Yeah, I think my major that that I made up in my head, the concept is that it didn't happen and you've made it up. That's true. And also, I think specifically withholding the Good Night Award is in and of itself a statement. That's fair. If you have on this one.

All right. I'm out voted clearly. So we do not award a Good Night Cross nor do we award a californ star, I think. So that being the case, that is Skyfall, 50 years of James Bond and we're getting close. I can feel it in my bones. We're getting so, so close to the moment when we finally fucking do it. We fucking take him off the board. I'm gonna do it baby.

Wait, one month to go, baby. That's good to be back. How long have we been doing this? Too long. But soon, soon we will be free of him. So that's right, baby. This has been Kill James Bond. We have a Patreon. You can subscribe to it. We watch all types of other bullshit there. Our next bonus episode will be the Jackie Chan movie the tuxedo. I'm so sorry. This has been Kill James Bond. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Oh, Abys back boys, we're all pleased about this. Kill James Bond will of course return in two weeks time to talk about sector.

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