Upstream - Episode 5.5: KJB Q&A 1 [UNLOCKED]

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

To celebrate being the Number 1 Film Review podcast in the United Kingdom, we're giving a little back to you, the loyal listener.  In preparation for the release of the third Patreon Q and A on the 8th of September, we will be unlocking the previous two for you to listen to for FREE!   Please enjoy this podcast, Originally released on April 25th.   Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Hello boys, it's Devon here from that podcast you love, remember me? So this is obviously not a new episode of Kill James Bond, but in order to celebrate becoming the number one film review podcast in the UK at time of recording, we thought we would give something back to you, the loyal listener. So in preparation for our upcoming third Patreon Q&A, that will be released on the bonus feed on the 8th of September, we have decided to unlock the previous two for you to listen to for free. So this is the first one. to for free. So this is the first one. It was episode 5.5, which was recorded between You Only Live Twice and On Her Majesty's Secret Service and released on April 25th.

So obviously a few dated references will be coming up, but I really hope that you enjoy this, and I will see you on Monday for the release of the second Patreon Q&A for free. Don't say I don't do anything for you. Love you. Do you expect me to talk? No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die. Hello and welcome back to another bonus episode of Kill James Bond, the podcast where we don't do the bonus voice for the bonus episode. I'm so sorry.

I'm so... Well, we can... I mean, I'm already off the pod. It's a reflex now. Oh, damn it. No, no, we're not doing that here. Why not? That is a joke that will only make sense to patrons of Trash Future.

Yes, which I hope all of you are. Wow, okay. I'm coming out swinging today. I'm in a good mood. What are we doing this week, Dev? We are doing a Q&A, the first of our patron Q&As. Yeah, we're going to A some Qs. I have got some Qs.

Nice and relaxed. No Italian James Bonds. No plasterers pretending to be spies. No video games. It's just us. No nanobots. And you, the listener. Just our voices directly into your ears.

Just developing that parasocial relationship that makes you want to give us your ears. Just developing that parasocial relationship that makes you want to give us your money. Yeah, you can even talk back to us now if you want. Yeah, we'll stop for a second. Hold on a second. How's it going, listener?

Oh, fantastic. Or sorry. I'm so glad to hear that. Or, potentially, I'm really not glad to hear that yeah it's terrible that that happened or good depending on what you said you're looking great today or not no you're always looking great today looking great today because i'm always so i'm always so nice to the viewers of philosophy tube like my brand is always so like well i mean it's not just a brand that's also just like how i am but uh like i'd like to be nice to people viewers of philosophy tube like my brand is always so like well i mean it's not just a brand that's also just like how i am but uh like i'd like to just be nice to people and be so

positive wow so so and maybe we should take a different tactic with the listeners of kill james bond and just be like just fuck you just yeah we're gonna we're gonna don the listener yeah absolutely we are going to establish oh i can't do it i feel bad no i can i can we are going to establish I can't do it I feel bad no I can we are going to establish dominance over the listener and make them well ask us questions which we will then refuse

to answer it's going to be an hour of us not answering the questions you will ask us a question and then all of us will go that's classified. These questions have come from, of course,

our patron. Our patrons on our Patreon. I'm doing well already. I picked these a couple of days ago and I haven't thought about them since so I'm also looking at these with very fresh eyes. Yeah, you used a little sort of men in black flashy thing on yourself once you scan them for slurs.

Absolutely. Oh, I should have scanned them for slurs. Yeah, because, I mean, if there is a slur in there, you will just read it. Oh, absolutely. This is like a teleprompter. You better have your finger on the bleep. Yeah, deer Kill James Bond.

A lot of these, actually, now that I'm looking at them, a lot of these are just... Sincerely, Ian Fleming. Actionable threats to sitting members of government. Named persons. That's unfortunate. Dear Kill James Bond. All of my posts are 100% serious and not a joke.

Please forward this to federal agents. Yeah, weird. Cool. So I'll just crack us right on, shall we? Please. To start off with, Ryan Richardson asks, is there anything that surprised you going back and revisiting these films? Actually worse than i

thought because i remembered i remembered the connery films as like oh they're problematic like they're racist they're sexist whatever i expected like bond to like smack a girl's ass or something or like drop a racial slur uh and then we got to goldfinger and it's like no this man is a sex criminal uh and that was i i think all three of us were considerably more uh haunted by that than we we expected i think what surprised me is how how much some of the plots are just fucking nonsense like rocket fall Like rocket fall down, rocket fall down, Mr.

Bond. It baffles me that a major film like Goldfinger could be made. And nobody at any point said, James Bond doesn't do anything for this whole thing. He's useless. He does nothing for the whole plot. Like it baffles me that something like that could be made. I was also surprised by,

uh, by just how bad some of the special effects still are even in the restored versions which i've been watching um and i i mean you know i'm aware that technology marches on but i don't know how people used to look at that and think yeah that's fine we'll just have even like you know like boom shots like bad dubbing i'm like how did you ever think there's one scene in particular that brings to mind with me and it's the one in thunderball where the the pilot is confronted by a guy who is a perfect replica of the pilot and he opens the door and it's just so clearly like back projected

film of him again and it's so unrealistic yeah there's so many shots in all of these that like it's it's not hugely relevant to the plot of the movie so i don't tend to bring it up when it happens but if there is a mirror or a reflective surface in a shot which there will be a lot you're gonna see a camera crew every time they will just like trip into the shots. Dialogue won't match up with people's lips moving. It's yeah. No, they're really poorly made in a lot of ways. Some things are just very badly lit. Yeah.

And I don't know, like I know that technology marches on, but still, it's weird how they used to just be cool with that. Well, it's funny right because like especially with the set design and the props and stuff as much as i can respect and i do ken adam for making all these sort of baroque connery era bond things the more outre they got right and you can see this going right through to you only live twice the more they tried to like do ambitious stuff the worse it looks and so we get to like the monorail in You Only Live Twice which just looks like a rickety piece of shit oh god and it's just vibrating non-stop

that monorail it was so funny yeah the second Bond wiggler of our series oh man the wiggler's good oh there was another bit in You another bit in you only live twice where like they're in the control room and the sort of

the explosions go off that make the cat freak out every single control panel in that room is flapping around because it's just particle board with a couple of switches stuck onto it but like once you notice it you can't not and so going back through these with a sort of a more critical eye has been really damning yeah definitely

i want to raise hairpiece for one i don't understand it it seemed to be getting worse as the movies went on like i actually didn't notice that he was wearing a hairpiece in from russian of love until abby pointed it out do you think he got older just got up more obvious like the more of it had to be hairpiece to keep up there's definitely there's like there's some moments where like he'll get in a fight or something and his hair will get messed up or something and then in the next shot it's perfect because someone has had to come over with some stage glue and

reattach Mr. Connery's weave. There was a joke about that in OSS on Dissert. Yes! Yeah, there was. He wakes up in the hotel room and his hair is completely must, and then he runs one hand over it and it's just perfectly flawless afterwards

which we didn't bring up but oh that was fantastic well crack along shall we um yeah next cue i'm gonna get everyone's names wrong probably not this one but a couple of people's no it just makes them all up say the wrong name for the wrong question on purpose thomas oberhart asks um for everyone which is nice because no one has specified for one of us a couple of people have written for everyone which i think is nice where are my for alice cues for alice ma'am can i please private message you where is my pennsylvania secret service card don't ask about the Secret Service card.

We're still working on that. I can't believe that you have your DMs open. I mean... Yeah, no, it's because I love suffering. I had to close mine when I got into a relationship because I was like, I can't do this anymore, man. Oh, because you just had too many hot people being like, Dev, Dev, please.

And you were like, sorry, I'm taken, I'm taken. That literally is the problem that I was facing, for everyone what is your favorite gadget and which is the one you think has the most egregiously specific use case oh no are you see this is the thing right you're not asking us about the whole series because we're gonna have to keep doing these q and a's and i like that we have them sort of bookending, more or less, each Bond actor's tenure. So I'm choosing to sort of memory hole all of the stuff after Connery. Yeah, for the Connery era, then. Yeah, what's...

Favourite gadget. My favourite Connery gadget is the rebreather in Thunderball, where he gets two... Like it's a little thing he can bite down on and it's got like two ampoules and he can just kind of breathe through that for like three or four minutes and the reason it's my favourite is because

despite being extremely silly, the British military, the Royal Navy having somebody seen this movie. I'm so glad we found a chance for you to talk about this. Genuinely. Asked Pinewood Studios, hey, this thing in your movie that is obviously totally real.

How well does it work and where can we buy them? Because they seem quite useful. And so somebody had to explain to the fucking military no we made that up for our fictional motion picture about a guy who's james bond's not real man it's not a thing and i'm just i i love to envision that conversation so much and that's why it's my favorite gadget did you see one of the um the british conservative women twitter accounts today uh tweeting james bond was not black and he should not be played by a black actor james bond was not a real man we have to protect this giant statue of

james bond in parliament square james Bond was like five different guys I would love a statue of James Bond I would love a sort of horrible like multi-faced thing that looks like the thing a statue of James Bond in Parliament Square Yeah we've got like one of those sort of like

Soviet things where it's just a massive slab of granite with a bunch of austere dudes on it but they're all of the different bonds yeah so favorite gadget i do like the rebreather and i like the jetpack for similar reasons i like the jetpack's fun like real the jetpack is cool um oh so we haven't had the watch lazy yet have we no we've had the watch with the garrotte in it that was gonna be my not a bond gadget it was red grant's gadget the the watch with the garrotte in it i found to be my favorite yeah do you have to like reset your watch after you've strangled a guy with that well I think the best thing about it is the way it's shot

sort of implies that it's extremely difficult to use because before Red Grant uses it in both shots, there's a long shot just of his wrist, and he has to take a step back and then pull out the garrote very slowly, and to me that's very fun. Just to imagine that it's just not a particularly effective gadget. I think my favourite is the... It might be my favourite and the one with the most egregious use cases,

the shoe knife that Rosa Klebb has. Yeah, you're right. Because I just... There's hardly any scenarios in which... Well, my hands are full, but I have to stab someone. Hey, take it off with a KGB. Just use a knife. Just use an ordinary knife.

And it's envenomed as well. And you have to like bend down to apply the venom to the shoe. You'd be more likely to like cut yourself on the shoe knife, I think. Yeah, I think you would. Or as you're taking off your shoes to damage one of them. I think either that or the bulletproof screen at the back of the Aston Martin

DB5, which I think we are also... Step slightly to one side. Also, isn't the rear window bulletproof? Yeah, he does say that. So it's just to avoid being scratched really in fact no no sorry do try not to favorite the most egregious use case has to be the radioactive

pill in you're so right in thunderball because they have already invented the tracking device that goes in his shoe and they're like and now we have invented a tracking device you're right later on later on in the craig films that we've invented like smart blood it invented a tracking device. And then later on, later on in the Craig films that we've invented, like smart blood, it's a tracking device. And it's like, you, you have already invented a tracking device. It was good. Just give me that again. I didn't think about that, but that is so fucking true.

They had the shoe thing. It was a whole plot point in Goldfinger. And then they're just like, you know, what we've done is we've done is we're tracking devices what we've done is we've got this but like it's now radioactive just to like now it kills you yeah this is why you have to have a hairpiece i guess it's losing all of the hair from it the extremely realistic rubber masks like oh we have this but we have just apparently decided on the honor rule to never use this again yeah so we have to come up with a new one i i almost want to change my answer because as much as i like the rebreather now that i'm thinking about thunderball i think maybe my favorite gadget is the massive piss jetpack that felix that Felix Leiter puts on Pong the big underwater battle thing

god damn it where it just like he literally is propelled forward on a sort of stream of massive yellow piss I appreciate that a lot I think that's very funny well the gadgets are only going to get worse

from here on out folks I'm very excited for that because I mean going back and revisiting these films I've only watched one The gadgets are only going to get worse from here on out, folks. Oh, I'm very excited for that. Because, I mean, going back and revisiting these films, I've only watched one Bond film before I agreed to start a podcast about James Bond, which was a strange decision on my part. You hired the most qualified person. Which was Skyfall. And I talked a little bit in Doctor No about how different Bond is in Skyfall versus Doctor No.

But it is interesting to see the way that the character has refracted throughout the years. There's different directors and different actors have taken on. Yeah. I'm excited to get to, it's Lazenby next, isn't it? Lazenby and then we're back to Connery. After this comes out. So I've never seen the Lazenby or the Dalton ones

I think I've only seen the Connery and the Brosninson one or two more so we're now getting into my kind of like lacuna of unknown I think you're really going to like the Dalton ones I do they kind of

not to leave just lay stuff out before we can use it then but like they're kind of dark in a way that isn't as repellent as the as the craig ones i find so okay um well ian mcdonald asks james bond is trying to learn a new move to expand his repertoire beyond heavy and light attack. What do you think would best round out his move set? Well, we see that in the next film and from Russia with Love, he gets a grapple. And that's his thing. He does my favorite grappling move, which is a great 60s thing,

of grab a guy and pull his suit jacket down around his biceps. God, yes. And that was like impenetrable shield. Totally immobilized. This man has been taken out of the equation. Suit jackets used to be made very tough. Extremely tight suit jackets. It's been a long while since i've worn like a men's suit jacket but i i think i think you've got some range of motion there from just wearing a jacket wrong that is

not really portrayed in those movies i think maybe some kind of disarm some sort of like some sort of counter move and disarm uh would be a good one for him or like an assassin's creed style hidden blade i think would be fun yeah i think some kind of distraction like a look over there but like but it's james bond like you know um although it does remind me that if you've ever seen a if you've ever seen the man from uncle uh series of tv movies um which if you haven't listened to this, they're very funny. They're kind of like James Bond where they're deliberately tongue-in-cheek. They always have a move.

Yeah, we'll get to them. The Men from U.N.C.L.E. have a kind of a move where they just do like a very exaggerated karate chop right between the shoulder blades, and that just instantly renders the target unconscious. And non-lethally, it doesn't do them any brain damage the way that actually knocking someone out often does and it just like renders them harmlessly unconscious and it's very very funny um because there's even like there's there's a fantastic there's a fantastic bit where where robert vaughn who plays the man from uncle heath napoleon solo he's fighting uh just a very buff man in a gym

and he does the uncle chop on him and it doesn't work and he like does it two or three more times then he's like ah my hand like it's so good so i think an uncle chop yeah well like this is the thing right you see it in euro spy movies too because it's cooler than punching a guy doing the doing the karate chop doesn't neil connery karate chop a guy he does the Karate Chop. Doesn't Neil Connery Karate Chop a guy? He does, yeah. I think he might do. He hypnotizes a guy using his Doctor Strange hand motion.

And then just knocks him in the face. Yeah. Which is very good. That's what the episode art for the Neil Connery episode is. I hope you're enjoying the episode art, listeners. I've been trying to go through and find the funniest single frame in every movie. And I'm really proud of the Goldfinger one, which is just the moment when Goldfinger is sucked out of the plane. Yeah, the Goldfinger overface is so good.

I don't know what it is. They told the actor to get him to make that face, but I wish I'd been on set. It's so good. Just imagine you're being sucked off by a twink, right? They told the actor to get him to make that face, but I wish I'd been on set, because it's so good. Just imagine you're being sucked off by a twink, right? And he's like... I'm willing to go with the hidden blade idea, but it's the shoe knife. So he just has a very exaggerated fascination.

Okay, what about we fully commit to the fighting game thing, and instead of... As well as light attack and heavy attack, we have special attack. He needs to have a Hadouken. Yeah, you'll see Bond pressing light attack a bunch of times, but the reason why is because he's charging his Hadouken. And then at the end of that, he can just, like, shove a guy, and like, yeah. Bond rockets up into the air off the stage and comes back down on you yeah that's the thing about that's the thing about bond is his recovery's not ideal his

up special doesn't take him very far so it's it's unfortunate bond and smash he's not very good in the meta at the moment that's the only that's a cheap James Bond versus Donkey Kong would be a fantastic pilot oh we've killed Devon

which is a shame because they're the ones with the questions yeah we're done for um uh

Jack but all of these questions were like which villain or which gadget or which which were just just about the the Sean Connery's. Cause that was a good point.

Jack Bushel asks, which villain had the best aesthetics? Goldfinger drip King. A hundred percent. Every time. Does not miss. In the heat of battle, he does not miss.

Correct. Goldfinger starts in this like, well in poolside wear, in this, like, unbuttoned shirt and shorts. So it's from inauspicious beginnings that we then build up to the gold dinner jacket, which is just incredible. I don't agree that the beginnings are inauspicious because his swimwear is fully a like gold lamé dressing gown and like cut really short to being a little bit slutty which i appreciate i think i do want to give a special

shout out to uh the lady and you only live twice with the black sequin dress with the air with the sheer capelet that's correct which i have already sung the praises of on the main show but it's special which you will have heard by now. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be Goldfinger. Really? Goldgun. Although he is outdripped in the poolside scene by Bond. I have...

Yeah, he's been born distressed as my dad. Yes, correct. Oh, yeah. Where he's got the, like, blue terrycloth robe on. Absolutely. He's got the baby blue romper.

Fantastic. Towel material. Incredible. Just phenomenal, top to bottom. Actually, I want to divert here by asking, doing a classic PR move of answering the question I wish you had asked me. What about villain fits? Like, not the villain themselves, but like, the henchmen. Because I think that's fruitful ground to discuss because doctor nose guys are all wearing like sort of khaki safari suits but then

by the time you get into thunderball you're into like scuba pants and my disco volante shirts and i think that's a glow up quite frankly yeah em, Emilio Largo employs only perfect himbos in very tight shirts and I think that that's phenomenal because that's exactly what I would do if I had the villain budget. Goldfinger henchmen all like blue jumpsuits which

not even gold. A melting factory. Yeah, good point. Maybe he's the only one who's allowed to wear the gold. Spectre, the Spectre guys, they're just kind of in whatever, aren't they? Yeah, like grey suits.

Blofeld employs more guys wearing gold jumpsuits than Goldfinger did. And that's fucking unacceptable to me. Red Grant always looks good, but I think that's because he is just so jacked that when he puts on a suit and tie

it's like he's fighting the suit and it looks it's just a great look for him Oddjob also talking about henchmen that just permanently look absolutely dripped it's gonna be Oddjob mhm hola baby um absolutely dripped it's it's gonna be odd job well this is

appropriate for the we can maybe cut this question but Empress Helia Gabalus which High Queen asks which film's combination of Bond and Bond Girl has the biggest tea for T energy now I genuinely feel like the biggest

T for T energy is not a conversation with Bond it's Rosa Klev and Tatiana I'm also going to unlock this one for the entire run of James Bond if there's someone with bigger later on that I haven't seen I'm not sure I'm trying to think I mean

I don't remember anyone's name hard to say because Bond doesn't really and Bond first of all Bond doesn't particularly come off as all that trans a character and secondly given that he is like a confirmed sex criminal at least in the Connery versions I'm reluctant to ascribe him and any

of his victims I suppose as having t for t energy um so i think i'll also give it to that kind of rosa club scene even though that is also kind of predatory yeah maybe maybe the answer here is still you only live twice and it's the the woman and the sort of capelet and the sequined dress sort of menacing him with the knife I think that's potentially quite T for T Bond getting switchy energy for a second I think we even, yeah that's true Yes that is interesting

To be fair we even flagged up during the From Russia With Love episode that that scene did have T for T energy Yeah, oh yeah I said That was a deeply deeply that was such a i think of all the scenes we've seen so far that one has stuck with me the most because it's weird it seems so much like something so alien i mean just being a trans woman living in britain now and being like fuck like that's what they say

about us like and here it is you know 40, 50 longer ago I get that but also like a TFW no Rosa Klebb GF vibe I mean I don't find Rosa Klebb particularly attractive but I mean you know

it's the principle of the thing well I mean you can have the find Rosa Klebb particularly attractive, but I mean, you know... It's the principle of the thing. Well, I mean, you can have the principle if I can have Tatiana. But then my weakness for blondes is well-documented. And the choker, which really, like, she's not a villain, so that doesn't get into that question, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you're gonna ask me best fit just the scene where she's just in

the choker that's honestly yeah simple understated just a choker can't mess that up that is a necklace that is fully like I am about to try and have sex with you it has no other sort of sartorial purpose

fantastic oh this is one i'm gonna fuck up jesus um i can't even see this because it because regal branches to javich asks emil agarby of yoke asks uh why do i keep listening to this podcast when i have seen somewhere about two bond movies because you can watch along with us and learn and hate it's like duolingo but for misogyny yeah this this is one i wanted to bring up because i think it gives us some opportunity to be like i was just i was just gonna try to keep going i also clocked in but i was like it's time to just i'm really tickled

by the idea of someone downloading an app to try and learn to be more misogynist. Ah, 10 rules for life. You have a little lesson every week. There's that little owl that gets mad at you if you don't do misogyny often enough. The word of the day is bitch. Ah, do you only go in Polish?

Yes, sure. bitch ah do you only go in polish yes sure i thought it would be a useful question for us to sort of talk about what we think the appeal of the podcast to even be from a from an objective i don't know i just like talking with my friends that's that's sort of where i was at but also i i thought to myself

the we have a specific audience in mind and it's it is people who have seen bond films not all of them maybe uh just one or two and they've either they saw it when they were younger and their politics have evolved past that point and they now find it difficult to go back to for reasons that we help to sort of analyze it and put into words or this is just for people who like bond and which first if you like on in your hair hi uh you might be lost this is my my sort of more my less flip answer is that this is basically just free therapy for me i am i am deprogramming myself out of the kind of uh masculinity that bond and especially later bonds present uh so it's it's a good opportunity

for me to sort of exercise some uh some british public school ghosts here yes i mean i agree with you there we talked about that a lot in the first episode. Yeah, for me, I think it fulfills a similar function. And I do genuinely think that the Bond films are culturally interesting, not to just repeat what I said in the first episode, but I think when they're bad, they're bad in interesting ways that are sort of worth talking about.

I was chatting about this the other day to Mrs. X, who is a friend of the show, who was saying, so why have you started a podcast about James Bond? And I was explaining, well, I think they're culturally interesting bits of media that kind of say a lot about our country. Our society. And I think even about our society, we live in one um especially at this particular time in british history to try and bring society back in one piece 007 exactly

and i think now is a particularly fruitful time to look at uh to look at britain and the media that we create especially now that we're back to doing sort of flag-fucking Britishness in all political discourse. The conservative women tweet that you bring up is so apt, because now we've moved from people

who convinced themselves that they fought in World War II to a generation that now convinced themselves that they lived the plot of the Connery-Bond movies. It's just Keir Starmer being like, I welcome the actions of Mr. Bond in tackling Spectre but I do feel that he could have gone further

and caused greater radiation damage to the Caribbean. Well, I welcome Mr. Grant's decision to try and garrot me with his watch, but I call on him to do more by opening this case fantastic uh well actually to be i might i might jump board off this this discussion to adam ferris i think i've slightly reworded this sorry adam uh he asked since james bond

villains are all based off the current cultural zeitgeist. What kind of a villain do you think we are in for in the next movies, considering the current? Oh, that's interesting. I know what you're going to say. Transwoman. Oh, that's going to be impossible to answer. Hold on, hold on. I'll make this worse for Nate.

Transwoman. Yeah. So there is, in fact, one Bond film that does have a transwoman in. There's one Bond film that does have a trans woman in there's one Bond film that does have a trans woman in it I will flag it up when we get to it she's not a major character in it

but I think reflecting the current cultural when models could just be like yeah you have a trans model and they're like wow isn't science amazing yeah well it's interesting that the james bond movies now are kind of trying to we'll get to this when we get to craig but they're kind of trying to be superhero films um so the bad guys i think are getting more and more I mean we'll have to see what No Time to Die does when we do get to it

but certainly Blofeld is much more like a low-key type figure he's not really tracking any sort of cultural zeitgeist the Bond films now are just trying to repeat whatever's in popular culture and it's interesting that even in the Brosnan era we never really got a kind of war on terror Bond

No I want to talk about this when we get to Brosnan era we never really got a kind of war on terror bond no I want to talk about this when we get to Brosnan yeah we never got like the kind of true lies the closest you got was the uh the remake of GoldenEye or the Nintendo Wii which you brought up in the GoldenEye episode the yes yeah yeah I was about to bring that up hey Hey, look at us. All right, I'll let you do it then. Shut up. Trevelyan, I was about to say, you were great. Yeah, the GoldenEye Wii game in which Trevelyan has been radicalized

by the financial crash, that I think is possibly one of the most interesting moments of the James Bond franchise in total. But as for current cultural zeitgeist, I mean, I guess some kind of like, in fact, you know what would be a very, very obvious one? If it was like Extinction Rebellion dialed up to a thousand so that international eco-terrorists. We're just prefiguring each other right now.

I was just about to say there's been a little bit of an uptick in eco. Fuck, this is great. There's another question. It's almost like we're good at podcasting together. It's quite nice, isn't it? Yeah, I was going to say there's sort of an uptick in eco-fascists as villains, and you saw that in maybe not in strictly

the most recent years, but Quantum of Solace. Godzilla, King of the Monsters, actually, is one that has a remarkably anti-extinction rebellion kind of a dint to it for no real reason. And also, you can look at the current series that's airing on Disney+, Captain America's one. What's it called? Falcon and the Winter Soldier, for whom the villains are a group of ostensibly just anarchists.

So you can sort of see the direction the zeitgeist is going flag smashers yeah we're a small group of reactionary terrorists no i i flag smashers versus flag fuckers baby let's go i sort of have an answer to this which is that like i tend to think in terms of in terms of the bond movies as being a bit of a system right in that you get a bond actor and then they they put their own particular spin on the role and the script put their own particular direction on it but the longer they do them not only do they get tired and older but like the scripts get sort of more and more baroque. And so they start out being relatively grounded. And then you get to the weird stuff and people kind of cut loose and get both a little bit more creative, but also a little bit more unmoored from reality and a little bit more fantastical. But I haven't seen that happen with the Craig movies.

With the Craig movies. And that interests me so much. Because what you'd expect to see. By this point. Is sort of a Daniel Craig die another day. Like Daniel Craig is going to be fighting a guy. On top of a moving plane or something. It's not happening.

Both because he doesn't sort of want to do it. But also I think. Because they're running out of ideas. And it's turning backward. And so we're just bringing back more things. We're bringing back, isn't it going to be interesting to talk about this character that already exists, like Blofeld or like M or whatever? And I think that that kind of folding in on itself,

I don't know what that means for the future. And I mean, we're getting a new Bond after this next movie, so it may just totally go back to that pattern but for now for the next one i have no fucking clue it's almost as if yeah we have no future and nostalgia is collapsing it's as if we live in some kind of vampire castle from which we are trying to escape to know if there's a word for that though so we can just crack on it's not yeah there isn't uh as you know um i think we'll get more in in summer in summarizing my answer to the question i think we will get more cartoonish representations of either uh left-wing environmental activists or communists and anarchists but crucially i don't think they will

be described as that i don't think we'll say yes these people believe in a classless society and they want to know it'll be like ridiculously fucking cartoonish just because they don't even want to know what communism is. Mr Bond I'm trying to blow up this satellite because I hate Britain Why? You say that

not to pull back the flag smashers which is still such a name. Mr Bond, I call it Normal Island. They're introduced with a sentence like they want a borderless, classless society. And the next line might as well be just like, sounds good, right? No, actually it's bad. But they're actually represented quite flat.

It's not as hammed up as possible. It's a classic thing. And you can listen to some video essays by Kay and Skittles if you want to know more about it. But it's just like, we have an ideology that we don't like, but also if we try to represent it too, oh, what's the word for it? Faithfully.

Then suddenly we start to realize that actually wait that maybe they have a point so we have to just make them the people who want it interpersonally bad and they did this in marvel they did it with the black panther movie where killmonger is basically right but he's also implied to just be like a bit mean interpersonally so he has to die and all of the points he brought up that were completely valid that just sort of pushed to the side and they do that yeah and then in the next general election black banter just starts stealing from his manifesto absolutely sorry i gotta welcome killmonger's decision to steal back the treasures

from the british museum but i call upon him to do more well Well, I mean, I got a leaflet through the mailbox today for the Conservative Party in the local elections, and one of their pledges is high-speed broadband for everyone, which is strange. I wonder where they got that. Broadband communism? Impossible to know. Broadband communism?

Where are you going to get the money for that one, Jeremy? My evil plan, Mr Bond, is to build half a million affordable homes. To be fair, new builds do suck shit completely, though. Anyway. I should be honest, this is something I was considering the other day. If I was put in charge of writing the next Craig Bond film, I thought it would be really cool. This is just me now, just doing Bond fan fiction.

Eon Productions, Abby can be reached at... You have a soapbox. I have a soapbox, let's do it. I think it would be good to say that the villains are Spectre, but Spectre is a British government department. And what they're going to do is they're going to combine MI5 and 6 and essentially privatize it into Spectre, Special Executive for Counterterrorism and Rendition Emergencies.

And then they're basically just going to sack Bond and M and everybody and just privatize the whole thing. But Spectre is the cool name that they're giving it to sell it to home county's dads the uh the s of um i believe i believe that's the plot of the film specter the daniel craig one the s and g4s stands for criminal organization in that sure but like specter is still a criminal organization specter is still a criminal organization but the plan is to collapse mi5 and 6 into the i think they call it the nine eyes initiative to parody the five eyes initiative in real life but involves laying off bond so it's

actually you're actually pretty much on it um oh enough. Yeah, don't worry. I interrupted Alice just now. Go right ahead. Yeah, the S in G4S stands for Spectre. All right, thank you. Well, I went back to you. Serko, the special executive for revenge counter-operations. I love that extortion is one of the things in Spectre. I like how even Bond takes the piss out of it when he first hears it

and no offers him a job and he's like, yeah, can I be in the revenge department, please? Fucking idiot. Would you say that Bond films are... Prezza Coato asks this, by the way. Would you say Bond films are getting better or worse as time

goes on 100% worse folding in on themselves yeah worse and it's also like measurable if you look at the box office adjusted to 2005 and again i want to sort of compare dalton and craig here and i'm actually the only one who's seen both but um there's like to me the dalton films prove that you can take bond in sort of a darker or grittier or more realistic or whatever direction right uh they don't have the sort of ambient unpleasantness of the war on terror that has sort of seeped into bond so that even though we never got our sort of our true lies kefir wearing villain it's still in it's enough of the sort of like interpersonal uh rot of something like a zero dark 30 in bond now uh that really makes him

so sort of uninspiring to watch i find i think they are getting worse because i think that daniel craig again we will get to this but he did try to do something very interesting with the character that has i think the the nature of the movies and the fact that they have to keep making them is working against him um so we will talk more about this eventually in a year's time when we get to daniel craig but i think he tried certainly in Quantum of Solace, to do something interesting with Bond and it just yeah, it's like fighting the studio and it didn't work. Generally,

I find it to be a bad sign for a film franchise when your lead actor says that they would rather slit their wrists than play the role again and you have them play it again two more times. Yeah, there's certainly something you could maybe unpack about that it's probably no it's probably fine didn't craig say that because

it was just so like physically exhausting oh yeah i mean partially that's like we're not really we're kind of expecting actors to do more of their own stunts especially for like a macho role like bond yeah and like i think tom and the stunts that we're getting them to do yeah and the stunts that we're getting them to do are more perilous and more death defying all the time even though there's not really any reason for that to be so as we get better at CGI. Yeah. A sentient mongoose asks, in your own words and without sources, what is hauntology? No.

Next question. I refuse to answer this question. Sorry, I sort of threw that in as a joke. Anyway, Junebug asks, Read a fucking book! Junebug asks, what are your thoughts on the works of Mark Fisher, in particular about how they might apply to phenomena like the recent wave of 80s nostalgia don't know never read it next that's absolutely right read a fucking book

just read mark fisher um who now here's one this is a question from paint mccalla who is one of our patrons at the level which means we are honor bound duty bound even to ask this question oh boy for it's also a good question which is nice um for everyone thank you uh you have been cursed and

must now reside in the body of a bond character of your choosing and that's not literally any not a curse i'm fighting Abby for Tatiana here oh damn it you did go that one out first well Alice yeah you go first no it's fine I'll let you have Tatiana

I will take oh fuck let's see residing within it is not the first thing I'd like to do to the body of Tatiana. Good lord. I'd love to reside in that body, you know what I fucking mean? I'm going to get a spray bottle like you get for cats. I'm sorry.

Okay, fine. Earliest source of gender dysphoria. Fucking Lupe La Mora from The Living Daylights is my answer. Cannot possibly come out. Lupe La Mora from the Living Daylights is my answer What if you resigned yourself to only only ones we've already seen Only ones that we've Fuck, okay

Odd job then Yeah, obviously Not you, me No, I know I get to answer this question also Fuck, no, okay, skip me Come back to me, I'll think of something I'm thinking, is there. I get to answer this question also. Yeah, fuck. No, okay, skip me. Come back to me. I'll think of something.

I'm thinking, is there anyone I would rather than Tatiana? Who else have we had? What other Bond girls have we had? I mean, it's a fuck, marry, kill. And for kill, it's always James Bond. All right, I got my answer. It's one of Pussy Galore's pilots.

Not Pussy Galore herself, necessarily, but one of her various plane piloting subs. Yes. Pussy Galore's flying circus, that's me. No, I'm trying to rack my brains and I can't come up with anything better than Tatiana, I'm afraid.

Completely fair. Again, spray bottle is Alice is brandishing the spray bottle at me. That's right. So DK Jones asks, if you could do like a villain's perspective type of production, like Wicked Joker or the upcoming Cruella for a Bond villain. Does it have to be a musical yes and i'm not gold finger yeah no um fuck that's a good question it's really good i'm happy with

that one um so we can't just choose james bond as the villain we can't well james i mean james bond will be the villain in the the show maybe but it's like a villain's perspective like Maleficent or whatever Emilio Largo I want to hear his patter song about his sharks if we're allowed to

if we're allowed to choose someone we haven't already seen Baron Samedi would be an interesting one but if we are confining ourselves If we're allowed to choose someone we haven't already seen, Baron Samdi would be an interesting one. But if we are confining ourselves to villains that we've already seen, I think Oddjob is a bad idea because I don't think there's actually that much to him. No, also he doesn't speak. He just fucking...

Exactly, he just... Well, yeah, I think it's a mistake to give him a voice. Yeah. No, Largo is the move here. Largo's a good one, but I would rather, I think, just pick out a random henchman who starts working for Dr. No, and then

ends up... Who starts working for Dr. No, and then... We finally find out what he does! Oh, he sings! Ah, yeah, yeah. Vargas, he does not eat, he does not drink, he does not fuck. What do you do, Vargas yeah Vargas he does not eat he does not drink he does not fuck

what do you do Vargas Vargas sings and he just goes I would follow one henchman through through all of the different villains

working under all of the different villains trying to stop James Bond the entire way and trying to kind of just like be a workaday punch the musical

punch the musical hench the musical okay 100 yeah i'm on board if you need if you need any help writing the script for that i'm i'm available let's actually do this okay that's too good an idea cut all of this patent pending original idea do not steal do not steal do not steal um we're racking through these um so here's one one of the more personal ones uh don't worry uh how did you three meet and what made you decide to start a podcast and that's asked by ian manly i have a very boring origin story for every podcast that i that i'm on and it is simply that i get bored and i am unable to help myself and so i will just be like yo do you want to start a podcast at whatever fucking pot plant or lamp or anything else is in the room

with me and when none of them reply i will start dming people on twitter who i think are funny and i'll be like hey do you want to start a podcast and some of them go for it and when they do it rules so that's my answer that's that's how we we decided to do this uh i think technically we have never met so alice and i have definitely never met in any capacity. And depending on which metaphysical theory you subscribe to, neither have Dev and I. So we've never even been in the same room, the three of us.

We will do someday. We will all have the blinds down over our faces like the members of Spectre. In a past life, I met Abby in a past life, which is the cold open to the previous episode. Yes. I think in terms of my memory of how the podcast started was that, Alice, you tweeted out that you wanted to start a James Bond podcast. Yeah, as like an open invitation.

And you were closeted still. Yeah. Yes, I was. I was still closeted. So I messaged you and was like hey when i come out because i just have a lot of opinions about james bond um and i thought yeah go on that would be fun like to just like shit post with alice every now and then and i think we mentioned it in the tf group chat and dev was like yeah i think i want to do that too and i'm

like yeah go on dev let's let's get you on yeah yeah absolutely i mentioned a friend of the show riley has said before the the perfect amount of hosts for a podcast is three and i was like hey you know if only you knew a third person yeah do you know a third quietly inserted myself into and we were already i'm so glad you did a group chat as well the three of us together um yeah because we we had assisted with sort of operation transgender yeah we were part of the mission control team to help me out so that's the reason why

if you saw that original tweet of mine that was like yo does anyone want to start a James Bond podcast and then immediately after that being like well nevermind see you in a year that's why it's because you asked it yeah people were like uh-huh yes yes and abby was like yeah i'd love to do that

and i was like holy shit i really enjoy philosophy tube and i think she would be really funny so yeah let's do that abby from philosophy yeah it's like yo is that abby never unaware of each other no no no we were definitely aware of each other yeah um yeah yeah i mean that's really the the way that like our friendship three of us or at least on on my end that's that's where our friendship solidified yeah was was was because well i mean to get a little bit to get a little bit personal i've talked about this a little bit before in interviews and so on. But when I was coming out, I couldn't access trans spaces in public because I'd get recognized. And I couldn't access trans forums and so on online because they were full of people speculating about me or sharing screenshots and so on.

And I accept that that comes with my job and that's fine. So I had to turn to, to trans people who I like, some of whom I knew closely and some of whom like Alice and Dev before I came out, I didn't really know you that well. Like we were aware of each other, but I remember Alice, actually, you were one of the first people I really reached out to when I was like, Hey, uh, I, I think this is happening. Um, and cause I, cause I, I knew I, I knew I trusted you to be discreet and also I knew that you would be like fucking real with me because you've got that energy of like someone who doesn't fucking

bullshit I simply posted back lol for the benefit of the audience do you know how discreet Alice was about this her husband didn't even find out until Abby said it was okay for him to know i practiced some major fucking opsec on this one she was phenomenal yeah whereas i

am a fantastic secret keeper i met abby through the trash future podcast we'd been on a couple of streams together and uh ended up just getting put in the same group chat and I have literally no idea how I met Alice no that's like lost to like the mists of time it's like we've known each other forever which is not true but it is on a sort of metaphysical

level somehow I definitely was a lobey on Twitter in like 2015 we were mutuals on twitter at least three or four screen names ago oh 100 yeah what's what's phenomenal about this um as it is and obviously if you're a patron you're aware that people give us money to do this um and what's great about that is that i've been able to mentally reframe my five to six years of posting shit like, come hashtag shitballs. Or like, I would absolutely suck off Tony Vatiga posting shit like that.

I can just reframe that mentally as networking. Yeah, employment training. You know what? It's gone great for me. And now you have an account which you can simply log into and tweet jane bonds which i've done a couple of times sometimes i'm just thinking about jane bonds and i'm like thinking about those bonds it is really nice to have an account that we can ship post from i like that. Because you can always just claim it was me if you do something egregious on the account.

I think that's one of the things I love about this podcast. It is always me. I really like the joke that I set up when I did the Twitter account for this, which is that it follows one person. And the one person that it follows is James Bond at 007. But unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, depending on how you value these posts,

at 007 posts a lot of promotional James Bond stuff. And like, of course, it's the only account we follow. So if you log into that account, you're going to see them wishing, you know, wishing you a happy Easter from James. I love Easter Bond. And so it's tremendously easy to just quote tweet that and be like, yo, what if James Bond was shitting out of his doodoo ass or whatever and get like 50 faves? Yeah, it is good. It's a good content mill.

Also, I've got a couple of tweets that are just like scheduled to post at some point in like july or august um so look they're just slurs no slurs um so no one of them in particular is unless you get this activator key off of my largest henchman the scheduled tweet will post yeah it's just the username and password for the account um no one of them is just like people a lot of people ask us you know are we friends in real life as well as doing the podcast no this is a purely sexual relationship and that's going to come out i think the 7th of july so look forward to that um no why the 7th of july why i don't know i just sort of picked a time in the future because it's 007 7 yeah uh look at me um anyway so uh three more questions

we'll just go on through him first one here being a couple of people asked this so i don't have a specific name sorry uh but if you were a Bond villain what would your evil plan be? I picked this because I have an answer Mr Bond unless you retrieve the exploder key

from my largest henchman, Big Neals the estrogen will enter the city's water supplies at precisely midnight i mine is a space-based one i would and i've said this several times on the tl i would cause a kessler syndrome yep and shut the sky for at least a generation just because i think there's a lot of people i'm too fonded that sky fallout post but i'm talking about like yeah some of my mutuals yeah like jeff bezos and elon musk for two richest people in the world both of them are pumping a lot of money into space travel and you're gonna

lock that door and keep them all here with us i think the concept of being able to do an off-world colony is used a lot as a sort of crutch to get away with not doing everything we can to make earth habitable is to have that sort of pie literally in the sky strategy of oh maybe we can have like a mars colony with individual servitude or maybe we can have like a moon colony or a space colony or whatever i i think that that is inherently bad for us as a species to even have as a possibility so i would fucking crash some shit into the iss sorry about the astronauts you know you do your best no no that's my thing i would do something for fucking iss i would set off a kessler syndrome like impact after impact like in the movie uh what's it called gravity yes um and just make it impossible to get

into space without getting shredded by debris for at least 100 years before the orbits decay and it falls back to earth and you can go again no more space i thought about yeah no more space no more bottom of the ocean either like everything that isn't land you're gonna create a fish syndrome i can't stand it i think uh just dev looking at the state of humanity i was like this has too many z levels we need to be moving in two dimensions only left and right that's it um i think uh you can maybe sell me forwards and backwards but it's gonna be a tough one i think it would be an interesting plot of a bond film to uh have the villain do something bad in the service of good ends so i think like so for instance uh steal a few nuclear weapons but then instead of selling

them being like okay i am gonna blackmail the governments of the world uh with these nuclear weapons you are gonna give everyone free housing and free health care and like i think that would be very very interesting to have to have james bond being like oh well should i morally actually stop this because on the one hand it's like very very bad and the more the more you make the villain aware of that the more you have your villain being like look i am aware that i am overriding democratic governments here but like this is an emergency and this needs to happen um i think that would be a very interesting plot of a bond film with bond being like actually like i don't i actually agree with fully agree with the ends here um i welcome mr blowfold's commitment to nuclear weapon use against a major city

yeah i think that would genuinely be genuinely quite interesting and and there's no i don't think that's ever going to happen because the only way you would ever be able to resolve that with in a james bond film as we know them would be for it to be revealed that it's a ploy and that actually they're doing something else selfish with it um exactly it would be like i think if you genuinely had a villain commit to that i think that would be like a really interesting question because like if you resolve that in the sort of the logical way it wouldn't be a bond movie it certainly wouldn't be a bond movie as we know them because it would be bond acting in the way that a sort of an agent of the the British state acts already in real life.

You just have, you know... Bond coming out from behind a corner and shooting a guy who's gonna invent cold fusion or whatever is not like... It's not that different from the shit we admit to doing already which let me tell you maybe we're just like logged into the same brain space here but actually that fully brings up me on to my second to last question here from kale stuffs who asks are there any real world periods or events that you would have loved to see someone try to base a james bond plot on look how nicely that dovetails oh operation northwards operation legacy what's that

operation northwards was a sort of a provocation plan by the cia to overthrow the government of Cuba by doing literal false flag terrorist attacks in their name. The CIA was going to stage and commit acts of terrorism against American targets, military and civilian, and be like, yes, we are the Cuban government doing this in order to justify a war against Cuba. Really? Wow. I have so many things I should say about 9-11 now, but I'm not going to do it. Do try and bring the World Trade Centers back in one piece, 007.

007, do try to leave the black box in one piece. A real event that James Bond... I'm just going to keep... What do you think? I'm going to keep naming actual fucking deep operation ajax the uh the anglo-american overthrow of muhammad mossadik the uh the elected prime minister of iran i think this is something that that comes up and this is barely james bond related and this is just me using the the platform that i have been given by my dear friends who are larger than me uh to just be like left-wing

conspiracy theories basically to a man are just things that have actually happened like things like northwards things like trying to overthrow mother d um something historical i think like james bond versus the paris communune would be interesting. James Bond following Karl Marx around London would also be quite fun. The plus of the video game Assassin's Creed Syndicate. Yes. You'll have to synchronise at the top of his

tower in order to unveil more of your mini-map 007. Yeah, okay, cool. I don't have one. Well, do I have one? Shit, I was too busy listening to you and Alice to actually think of one. Historical events that would be interesting to have. Dev listens to women when we speak, and that's why we love them.

That's right. So much. Dev is a true ally. I am a trans ally and that's why we love them that's right so much dev is a true ally i am a trans ally that's right um i'm just an ally in general you know i'm friends with many people except uh you listener sorry um just want to be very clear don't get attached i i do not read the replies to any of my tweets um i think i mean there's it's not a specific one but i think I do not read the replies to any of my tweets I think I mean it's not a specific one but I think

Operation Legacy is the one that comes directly to mind I don't imagine it would be easy to build a plot around it Operation Legacy You'd have the bad guys trying to publish this sensitive information bond and you have to go and stop them.

Operation Legacy was a project of the Secret Intelligence Service, MI6, and the then Colonial Office. That's right. In order to, as Britain withdrew from colonies that gained independence, destroy any trace of files of all of the stuff we did so that the governments that are becoming independent wouldn't get hold of them one of those we burned files and then we dumped the ashes at sea if you want to know how serious we were about this one of those in particular is the the history of concentration camps uh that we had set up we not personally jake kill james bond uh podcast but like the british government had set up in kenya which is still quite tightly

guarded they declassified documents about it somewhat recently in the last like 10 to 20 years but if you ask the basic man on the street they would be completely unaware that we in fact ran concentration camps in kenya in the bur in um india yeah it's so it's so it's so striking about like the criminality of empire that a lot of people were sort of abiding memory of the day that their country gained independence was a massive plume of smoke from the british high commission totally inexplicably i have a friend who is i think again that would make a very interesting plot of a bond film if bond was told that you must track down this very sensitive information that we believe may have come to light um and it's so secret bond you're not even allowed to know what it is and when bond eventually does track down the file and opens it and reads it, he finds a list of colonial atrocities.

That I think would be, that would be a great like act two twist. But of course we won't do that. That's a very Mickey in Vietnam thing. In fact, actually specifically, I have a friend from the gambia who recently posted about their independence day and i was like who did you who'd you get independence from their pal and he was like your queen the current queen the sitting queen

i'm like oh my god oh my god no no i know i know my answer i know my answer to the question of what what real world thing do i want james bond involved in so if you want a fucking measure for how recent this shit was the sitting current queen is the one that a lot of these african nations uh gained independence from anyway sorry go right ahead sorry i cut you off because i got so excited by the possibility of james bond to cover up Prince Andrew's alleged sex crimes. How much of this can we use? Hang on. Allegedly. But it has been alleged. And then Bond's like, wait a minute, I've done half of this shit.

Like, this isn't a crime, is it? And I was like, yes, it is. Bond, it's called the Federal Correctional Institution in Manhattan. His name is Jeffrey Epstein. Bond, we're going to need you to infiltrate now look here 007 an ordinary hyoid bone however he's looking at the alleged list of of alleged sex crimes that um he that prince andrew has allegedly done alleged by someone else not even by me it was It's out of my hands completely. I've just read it on the internet.

I'm reproducing it here. And just being like, damn, that's crazy. This guy can't sweat. Amazing. Yeah, totally psychosomatically induced case of anhydrosis. It's called psychosomatic anhydrosis 007. I have another one. Because now that you've uncorked this bottle of things that Alice knows about the British state and stuff that it's done wrong, that's a big bottle. 1945 to 46 Churchillian, he of the statues, plan to

rearm and reform divisions of former Waffen-SS men in order to, if necessary, re-invade the Soviet Union. Fuck, that's good. No! Fuck, that's good. 100% a real thing.

Operation Unthinkable. Operation Unthinkable. You know they were kind of hedging their bets when they called it that shit, yeah. I mean, I see why they called it that. Well, this is the thing. Churchill, like, contrary to reputation, horrible military plan. And this was one of many times in which he just said some bullshit. And the military essentially, like, deep-stated him. And we're just like, yeah like yeah no we're not going to

do that so that's crazy we probably should i thought you were gonna say bond killing princess diana now look closely 007 it's a regular fiat uno oh with an oil slick that's why they crashed just because bond did an oil slick all right you know i'm not willing to make jokes about our princess of us With an oil slick? That's why they crashed? Just because Bond did an oil slick? I'm not willing to make jokes about our princess of arts. I've got to stay quiet on this one, I reckon. The princess of arts, c'est moi.

Do we have any questions left? We have a final question. Let's go. Seventh inning stretch. Final question. Numerous people have asked, how would you kill James Bond? I would shoot him in the face with a gun. I would shoot him with a gun.

Many opportunities are presented to people. Many such cases. I would use an ordinary gun and shoot him with it. Yes. I feel like that would do it. I would use an ordinary gun and shoot him with it. Yes. I would allow Mr. Bond to first make a series of publicly recorded comments about his mental health and how it was deteriorating,

and then kill himself by shooting himself in the back of the head in a car and then being found zipped into a bag in pieces in the woods. I think it was a great tragedy the way James Bond threw himself off his balcony two or three times. I'd guess higher bone easily. You know what, I would, instead of killing James Bond with a gun when I've got him

tied to a chair and completely unable to escape, what instead I would do would be pretend to be seduced by him, let him go, fuck him, get into an aircraft together to attempt to escape from Japan, and then pin his hands down with an extremely laughable wooden board

and attempt to crash the aircraft. And I think that's a perfect plan that would easily kill James Bond. I think that's... I'll probably do it. We did it, gang. I'd tempt him in with a lector decoding machine. I'm just going to fade out over this.

So I just want to make one thing clear really quickly here. My apologies to everyone who didn't get their question asks there were like 94 of them and i picked uh 16 worried about not getting enough yeah now obviously i did handpick these so if your question wasn't asked it's because it was bad so try harder next time thank you yes we will be doing these regularly more or less we're gonna do them what every 10 episodes which more or less coincides with each

bond it'll be every yeah we'll vibe it out every fifth bonus that sort of thing maybe all right well thank you for joining us on kill james bond the podcast where we pretend to be seduced by james bond have sex with him uh fly him in a small plane... To attempt to escape from Japan....to Tokyo, to attempt to escape from Japan, extend a wooden desk over his arms, and then try to parachute safely. What's funny is that that's a completely solid wooden bar that extends over his arms, so I can only assume that it was stuck out of the side of the Cessna

when they took off. Everyone's like, what's this for? Nothing. It's a special tool a special tool help us later well bye everyone goodbye