Upstream - Episode 9: The Man With The Golden Gun

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

We at Kill James Bond LLC have awoken to find, upon our desks, a golden bullet carved with the word 'Podcast'. We know now what we must do: Watch the (Christopher Lee Voice) Christopher Lee movie The Man With The Golden Gun! Also Bond is in this too, maybe. I didn't spot him. He might have been in the background somewhere. Join us as we examine the true depths of misogyny, and find a female character so truly underappreciated that we coin a good guys' version of the Kronsteen Rosette: The Goodnight Cross! Support the show by heading down to our patreon for BONUS EPISODES! https://patreon.com/killjamesbond *NEW SHIRT ALERT* We are accepting pre-orders for a new shirt design until the end of the day on June 20, 2021 -- get it here! https://www.killjamesbond.com/store/p/kjbs-the-connery   *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

You see, Mr. Bond, like every great artist, I want to create an indisputable masterpiece once in my lifetime. The death of 007. Staring directly at the camera. You see, it is my dream to one day kill James Bond. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Kill James Bond, the podcast where we kill James Bond and also have multiple drops now about killing James Bond. I am Alice Gouldwell-Kelly. Joining me are Abigail Thorne and Devin.

Hello. Hello. We watched The Man with the Golden Gun this week. And, oh boy. This is two hours of Roger Moore. But we sat through it for you, listener. Well, Devin and Alice sat through it. A little peek behind the curtain here, listeners.

When I was growing up, I had three Bond films on VHS cassette. All along a theme, they were Goldfinger, GoldenEye, and The Man with the Golden Gun. So I've seen this film many, many times before. And it's actually one of my favorites. So I slightly enjoyed it. When you say you had it on VHS did you have it on like a pre-produced VHS that you bought or did you do

the thing that my dad did of tape them off of the TV when they were on? No it was a pre-produced one it was an official one. Ooh luxury So you had all the adverts in the Yeah yeah yeah we had the like martini adverts in between because we got them had the like martini Adverts in between

Because we got them all off of channel 4 I think he made his own VHS cases For them It was genuinely like Dad vibes And when we say I sat through this movie I had nothing else to do

Another peek behind the curtains Spoiling you today I watched this movie from 3 a.m to about 5 a.m on the train platform at exeter saint david's while it was bitterly cold and pouring with rain because i was coming back home from brighton and refused to get an earlier train perfect out of the perfect that's the perfect time place and climate to watch this movie and become totally deranged the ideal mindset that's gotta be honest i don't think it improved it all right so we gotta we this movie has a cold open to start with and the cold open is

uh you remember from goldfinger the observes things that are happening stimulus response gangsters yes some of our favorite dudes one of them survived apparently he's in diamonds are forever yeah yeah he's the same guy he's one of morton slumbers goons that they got a they got a mob goon and this this mob goon has been invited to the private island of Francisco Scaramanga, who is an international hitman. And we think at first that he's being paid to kill him. His butler, Nicknack, offers him this envelope full of cash. It's like half now, half later.

And he tells him, if you kill scaramanga i get everything i inherit all of this island um and our gangster is sort of pursued through a fun house set up which scaramanga just joker yeah he's got joker shit in his house he really does he really does he's like uh he he turns a corner with a gun and then the lights go off and there's like a laughing sound effect um a sort of a statue of al capone slides out and like sprays blank machine gun fire everywhere it's like a weird disneyland hitman rail shooter thing yeah that this mobster is being pushed through and scaramanga has a private island in the south china sea with exactly three inhabitants which is himself his heterosexual life partner knickknack oh they have a great just

woman who is also present woman is present uh he and Knickknack have a very weird sort of like, it's almost a little bit like Clouseau and Kato, but it's also a little bit kink here, is that like, you see Knickknack observing this gangster who is trying to kill Scaramanga go through the rooms, and observing Scaramanga trying to avoid him. And like, sort of almost taunting his boss, like it's not going to be that easy because I've made it that little bit harder for you. Okay, so the penny slowly drops

that Scaramanga is like, he himself has arranged this as like a live fire training exercise. He's got this goon, this mobster to try and kill him. And he of course succeeds and turns the tables on him, and scaramanga shoots him with a strange golden pistol um it's very cool looking yeah it's very cool like it's

like squarish our impression thus far is that scaramanga is a guy who hires people to try to kill him in order to improve only to kill them via like an extended series of sight gags and bits yeah he basically does saw stuff but only to hit men he also has within this funhouse arrangement a perfect like wax model of roger moore james bond yes with the fucking handout position shooting and at the end of this sequence taking us into the opening credits, he does a trick shot where he shoots every single finger off of Bond's hand. Which... It's very

cool. It's very cool. It was kind of cool, yeah. It also needs to be noted that Scaramanga is played by Christopher Lee, and he is very good at acting. Christopher Lee. He's so, so good in this film. I'm going to be doing Christopher Lee voice for the rest of this episode. Christopher Lee, legendary actor.

I fucking love Christopher Lee, man. Not least because the role which he's playing here of extremely competent professional killer was like, he did that in the Second World War. That was his job. Yeah. Unlike. This is a man who killed Nazis. Unlike Fleming, who was like some fucking, uh,

naval intelligence dipshit, right? Who just wrote about this stuff. Uh, Christopher Lee was fully the like parachuting in behind occupied lines thing. Uh, there's a story about him on Lord of the rings where he was giving tips to peter jackson on what it was like to stab a sentry to death quickly because he had actually done it and

nobody else had and yeah just and a great actor on top of all of that so he's very very good in this film christopher lee carries this movie by himself he does there's one scene in particular i want to highlight later when we get to it oh yeah we'll get to it uh put him in the running with vladek schaefer's kronstein as the bond villains who have killed the most nazis in real life that is that is true yeah killing nazis in real life makes you cooler and better at acting is what we're learning. That's my secret. That's why I've always sucked.

So we then cut to M's office where Bond sort of smugly glides in. Wait, no, we have a fucking theme tune. Oh, boy. An amazing theme song. I glossed over this because he'll bang anyone absolute miss miss him he will bang anyone that is a lyric in there not he's gotten up and left um because i said the theme song is an absolute mess it really is look it serves the purpose it big scaramanga and it still somehow manages to fit the title in yeah the man with the golden gun lyrics i flagged up as particularly notable are the coupler he'll shoot anyone with his golden gun and that's like extended like

like strikes like thunderball was oh yeah you'll shoot anyone! The theme song to this one is probably the most that they've whiffed it until the Brosnan years, I think. It's a hell of a song! What do you mean, whiffed it? It's not good! It's not good, Abigail! What's wrong with you? I like it! What are you talking about?

It has the line, he'll bang anyone with his golden gun. And it tells us, the other thing it tells us, about Francisco Scaramanga... He'll shoot anyone! He'll shoot anyone with his golden gun. There's a bang in there too. It's a million pounds. Will he bang? We shall see. But also, it's one of the most

fun ones to play on saxophone. Love is required. Whenever he's hired. Yeah, that's the other thing that this theme song tells us about Francisco Scaramanga, international hitman, is that he fucks, but only before he kills someone for money. He needs the post-nut clarity.

That's exactly right. Professional athletes do the same thing, as fun points out. Yeah, you're doing the same thing to record this podcast. That's what Dad does before podcasting. Hey! That's right. Let's go. Here we are here we are baby no i slammed some monsters before recording i like the theme song i whatever so but bond bond comes into m's office and m is there with two boffins uh and they tell him they tell Bond that someone has

put out a contract on his life MI6 has received a golden bullet with 007 engraved on it and this is a death threat to Bond from Scaramanga and M does the usual

what do you know about Scaramanga 007 and Bond tells him, you know, international assassin, killer for hire, grew up in a circus. Million dollars a contract. Million dollars a contract. Trained by the KGB, but works freelance. Nobody knows what he looks like. The only thing we know about him physically.

The only thing we know about him physically. But he does have one distinguishing feature however a superfluous papilla and what a mammary gland a third nipple sir sure okay this is this is one of an absolute classic line of scenes which just goes along the lines of m going sir bond what's this guy's deal? They really... And Bond going, Ah, yes, sir. Let me tell you this man's deal in immaculate detail. They really rely on... They flattened Bernard Lee's character down to just his incredulity,

which he does very well. He's like, I hate this piece of shit who works for me. There's genuinely a bit later where they find out that, you know, I'm skipping ahead a bit, but that Bond wasn't Scaramanga's target. And M just fully says, I almost wish that Scaramanga had a contract on you. Ah, you piece of shit.

You fucking asshole. You dupe. You moron. I mean, at the end of the scene in question here, he straight up is just like, 007, this guy's gonna kill you, best of luck. And Bond just, like, goes to leave. Yeah, he tells him to lie low, and Bond is like, what, until he kills me? And the guy's, and Emma's like, I don't know, I guess.

It's like, maybe. Am I gonna get any kind of protective custody? I don't really have a horse in this race, 007. I don't care if you die. Not only does this guy know what you look like, he has a perfect wax sculpture of you. Yeah, he made that off of the Spectre thing that just perfectly 3D prints masks of James Bond. 3D prints Bond.

There's also a funny bit where Bond asks, who would pay a million dollars to have me killed? And Em has this hilarious bit where he says, jealous husbands, outraged chefs, pay a million dollars to have me killed and and has this hilarious bit where he says jealous husbands outraged chefs humiliated tailors the list is endless and i'm like well jealous husbands yes i understand but chef you're a huge piece of shit to everyone around you bond how what was he doing to chefs i have no fucking idea like imagine he's going into like a five michelin stuff five michelin stars doesn't exist sorry i combined you could get five michelin really good restaurant i

don't think anyone has i think three is the current maximum but you got a five three yeah but yeah he's going into a five michelin star restaurant he's being like oh this is reminiscent of a 37 so he's just drunk off his ass and just like talking absolute nonsense to the waiters yeah one of okay roger moore's bond has three important character traits one is that he is a fucking sex pest which is just a bond character second is he has eyebrows and three is he knows everything about everything and won't ever shut up about the things he knows everything about everything and won't ever shut the fuck up about the things he knows. Oh my god, autism Bond! He just like, talks about things all the time. Actually, Roger Moore's Bond is Asperger's coded, and that's why you don't like him.

There's like a scene, and again, I'm skipping, this is right where Scaramunga's showing Bond around the fucking place, and Bond is just saying shit like this beam must reach 3500 degrees yeah exactly and scaramanga is literally just saying shit like if you say so you know better than i do i don't care dog so he goes to money penny uh and is like okay well who else do we know that's been killed by Francisco Scaramanga? 002, who was killed in... Beirut, 69. Don't know why I pulled that one. But the reason they couldn't prove it was Scaramanga was because they never found the golden bullet that he was killed with.

And so Bond immediately goes to Beirut and sees it as a navel piercing on a belly dancer she's she's wearing it she's belly dancing well it's established that that double o2 um fuck was this well that he fucked and that he was with this woman when he was killed and he was in the back of a taxi when he was shot with this golden bullet and Bond finds her. This is one of those things where it's like,

we said instantly, I need you to fucking imagine, like the scene transition was Moneypenny saying, they never found the bullet and then it just like fades to literally the bullet just in this woman's navel.

It's the easiest possible answer. He just solved it off screen one thing this film does certainly better than previous ones especially Diamonds Are Forever is I understand where Bond is going and why it's a logical progression of like well we need to find the bullet okay we've found

the bullet what does that mean we need to find where the bullet was made so we go there and then I understand what is happening in this film this movie still isn't from a time where pacing has been invented but it gets off the like standing start better than writing has though writing has been invented uh so so so bond bond tries to get the bullet off of this woman by just like complimenting her in a sex pest kind of way and then taking it. She's like, no, that's my lucky charm, I need it. Yeah, he goes into her dressing room and it's like,

yeah. So then his next move is to, I guess, attempt to covertly take it while feigning that he's gonna eat her pussy. He, like, kneels down in front of her and he, like, kind of takes it off with his mouth. Well, he's about to do it, but then goons attack and like hit. Goons attack. There's no reason for these goons. It's just big goons.

And it jumps into his mouth and he swallows it. Three podcaster looking dudes attack him. They have a massive fight. Roger Moore is still a terrible fighter. It's just not in his repertoire at all. They're a massive fight. Roger Moore is still a terrible fighter, it's just not in his repertoire at all. They're doing all sorts of fast cuts to make it seem like he's moving quickly and he's not. Guys are getting pushed into walls and stuff. But Bond escapes with a bloodied mouth, and having swallowed this golden bullet.

This isn't shown, right? The next scene is we're back in Q's lab analysing this bullet, but it's very heavily implied that he has had to either vomit or more likely shit this bullet out. Yeah, because he gets into a taxi and the taxi driver's like, airport? And he says no to the nearest pharmacy.

And it's implied, it's implied that Bond be shitting? Yeah. And it's kind of a rare moment of indignity for him. He's either... Because he also says, you've no idea what that bullet's been through to get here. Implying his guts. Yeah, I picked this bullet out of my shit. And that would have been

a more, like, oh god, edifying scene of Bond just picking through the shit for this bullet. You know. Oh, god. Julian McKeith has been hired. That's a niche, Paul. So Q looks at this bullet through a microscope, and says some nonsense, right?

But like, the upshot of this nonsense is, it's only ever going to be one way. There's only one place this bullet could have come from, and we're 100% certain of it. And the place that it could have come from is Macau, where there is a jeweler called Lazar, who makes these kind of, like, imaginative gadgets. He's like a freelance Q.

And so Bond immediately, just like I say, there's no transitions here at all. It's just scene, scene, scene, scene. Yeah, he teleports to Macau. He teleports to Macau, goes up to a family

eating rice, and is like, does Lazar live here in English? And then they just look at him and is like, does Lazar live here in English? And then they just look at him and he says, does Lazar live here in English but slower? At this point, I remembered that Bond Instant Japanese. You may

need it. You forget I took a first in Oriental Languages at Cambridge. Has forgotten that shit immediately. You get a little thing that I can only refer to as like Bond theme Mysterious East Edition, which is just like the Bond-like motif played on a goose hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just terrible. But that little exchange lends credence to my theory that Sean Connery and George Lazenby are meant to be the same man, but Roger Moore is supposed to be a different guy entirely? I believe this. Lazar finds Bond and invites him into his workshop. It's very

jovial. He's like, it would be an honor to make something for you. He shows off his newest piece, which is a rifle, a hunting rifle, made for a man who lost two fingers. And Bond observes that it doesn't have a trigger, which Lazar points out is... In the butt. Squeeze it.

Not. I'm so glad you thought that. Yeah, I figure it's going to be useful for... The butt. Squeeze it. In the butt. Squeeze it. In the butt. Squeeze it. A man comes. By the end of this, we're just going to have a full episode that we can just do via drop. The final episode will just be drops, yeah.

So, so, so, so, Bond demands to know where these you know where Scaramanga is because he's made these golden bullets for him and Lazarus is like I can't tell you because like I'm a craftsman and you know confidentiality is my thing and Bond threatens to

shoot him in the dick and he gives him up instantly that's Bond's pretty much it's his only move in this film is like tell me what i need to know no well then i will threaten you with violence yeah and specifically the the kind of violence that he's threatening him with is he points this gun at his dick and like fires around out of it because he had previously observed that the it was hitting like an inch too low uh and so he just shoots between this guy's legs. Cock and ball torture.

So he learns that the golden bullets are delivered to a casino where a woman picks them up. He follows that woman to Hong Kong. This is the greatest moment of Bond's life, is when a case requires him to tail a woman.

You can see he's almost got a spring in his step the second he realizes he's going to be able to do sex. what they say do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life bond gets to hang out in the casino stalking a woman that's all he's ever wanted um yeah and he'd be doing it for free if mi6 didn't employ him this is what he'd be doing anyway yeah well he's sort of doing this off the books anyway. Basically. Yeah, yeah, fair point. So Bond arrives in Hong Kong, whereupon he is immediately met by Mary Goodnight, another British agent, and no thoughts, head empty. It's the best description I can think of. Dumbest, dumbest female character in a bond movie thus far including like dr no easily oh girl in hong kong yeah to be clear we're not we're not criticizing her for being

no no she was written by a man yeah and the way that she's the way that she is written is bimbo there is nothing going on up here um and she and bond are kind of established as like kind of old flame sort of thing um similar to money penny yeah yeah yeah um like a flirtation ship and she like sort of pretends to be exasperated with him because of his awful personality and the terrible things he does but um actually quite likes it which is again we just accidentally trained a generation of men to believe that every time a woman is exasperated with something you do she secretly likes it um so she is useful though because she she sort of like interrupts bond following uh this woman andrea in uh a green rolls royce and he gets quite frustrated and she just offhandedly

goes, oh, a green Rolls Royce, that's the courtesy car from the Peninsula Hotel, and takes him there. Receives precisely no thanks for this. And then we get to the scene that's gonna make Devin blow out the microphone by yelling. And also

the scene that when I was watching this through for the second time, to go and pull the audio that when I was watching this through for the second time to go and pull the audio drops from it, I got to this and it depressed me so badly I gave up and went back to bed. Bond breaks into this woman's hotel room, catches her in the shower at gunpoint. Yeah, sorry, let me issue an apology. This is the greatest moment of bond's life is when the woman he's tailing is inexplicably naked and he's alone with her yes

yes absolute danger uh she however pulls a gun on him she gets out of the correct response to finding james bond in your room is to point a fucking gun at him. Hold this man at gunpoint and fucking wait for the police to arrive. Yeah, 100%. So she walks him out and he's doing non-shit, basically. He's going through her stuff even while he's at gunpoint. He finds these golden bullets

which are concealed in a little cigarette case and she's like, give those back. And as he does, he kicks the gun out of her hand throws her across the bed and tries to break her arm until she tells him i don't even know what information he wants at this point he's just this is well where is scaramanga this is the second movie in a row where a female character tells james bond if i tell you this information he will kill me and bond is like i don't give a shit yeah he's like i'm not gonna

help you get out of this situation he's like i don't care like i'm gonna hurt you now unless you tell me yeah which he does like quite a lot he uh he does he damn near breaks her arm and then he like slaps her several times quite viciously oh yeah and the whole time he's sort of like uh keeping up the kind of like roger moore smarmyness levels which is a tremendously unsettling combination right because like he is getting off on this yeah yeah yeah because like this feels like it was written for a Connery Bond. And a Connery Bond would have been just absolutely uncomplicatedly sadistic here. Whereas with the kind of, like, and I'm doing air quotes here, charm that Roger Moore is supposed to be doing here,

it really lends an air of menace to it that I don't think anybody intended it to have. But watched now makes it very, very, very uncomfortable. I mean, I'm guessing what Roger Moore was going for is he was trying to keep the tone light and not go for that Connery sadism, but it backfires

and just makes it seem like he's enjoying it. Well, Roger Moore claimed later on that he didn't want to shoot this scene, that he didn't like it, that he thought that Bond should have just charmed this information out of her. And you could say that that's like an attempt on his part to like sort of salvage a bit of reputation from this later on. But I tend to believe him just because it's so out of line with his sort of like the way he's playing against type here and it's really weird

and uncomfortable yeah i mean i mean there's like an essay to be written entirely about this scene which is just the play for play bond enters a woman's room threatens her non-stop she pulls a gun on him and like orders him turn around stop looking at me like bring bring me that um that towel so i can you know cover myself up and he treats these threats with a level of seriousness approaching like a joke yeah he genuinely like character wise he straight up does not believe that she would hurt him um and then he beats her extorts her even mocks the information she gives him because she says at some point about the three nipples and he says some shit like

that's the least useful information you could possibly have given me and then he hits her again afterwards. And that's the information that you gave your boss dude. This is a masterclass in writing a character that feels nothing for women but absolute contempt.

It's also a very strange scene because, skipping ahead a little bit, but later in the film it is revealed that Scaramanga did not send the threat to Bond. He doesn't really know that much about Bond other than he respects him as a fellow murderer. And it is in fact Miss Anders who has been luring Bond in, specifically in order to kill Scaramanga so she can leave him and it's very weird that she in this scene does not mention that she's just like oh thank god you're here James Bond I've been trying to contact you

for some reason we don't learn that until later you know what it is so that we can get this torture scene in it's so that we can get the torture scene in and also because hey guess what it's Tom Mankiewicz again, our great friend. I feel like the philosophy here is you do one write of

the script only, and once you've written it, you send that shit and you do not go back and look through for any inconsistencies whatsoever. Yeah, having earlier praised the writing, I would now like to retract that opinion having recognised that this scene does not make sense.

It do not make sense. Not even like a character novel. Bond extracts by means of torture the fact that Scaramanga is going to be at a strip club in Kowloon called the Bottoms Up Club. And Bond tries to lure

him there by using this woman to deliver the bullets he also, for the first time in this movie but not the last, gets immediately and instantly outplayed by Scaramanga who is just like outside the club waiting

Bond goes in and we get a big tense scene as you think he's about to shoot Bond, he just shoots another guy next to Bond, who was his target. And the guy who he shoots is a scientist called Gibson, right? And Gibson has been working on a MacGuffin called the Solex Agitator. Because this was made during the energy crisis. In fact, there's a couple of great lines in there. M fully just says

Coal and oil will soon be depleted. Just fucking I wish. The only future is in solar energy and this guy had a little device that was going to make that work. Yeah, it's like super efficient solar energy, and this guy had a little device that was going to make that work.

Yeah, it's like super efficient solar energy. This was also mentioned in the opening scene with M. It was said that Bond was working on trying to find this guy, Gibson, who's gone missing, and he's like, oh, that got interrupted by Scaramanga. And lo and behold, the guy that Scaramanga kills, with a perfect headshot from on top of a roof with a pistol, by the way, turns out to be Gibson. Yeah, coinc coincidentally it all leads to the same place because again this movie is not well written yeah nick knack is also there we see him doing something next to the corpse but then

bond is arrested because of course as soon as the gunshot goes off bond pulls his gun out and the police arrive in the night you're under arrest yeah But Bond is... You're nicked, mate. Bond is arrested by the, again, still then at this point, Royal Hong Kong Police. Sadly, it is not Agent Feng Sing Ling. Sadly, it's not Agent Feng Sing Ling from Hong Kong. That would have been an astonishing crossover had he arrived and just beaten the shit out of James. Yeah, because he wouldn't have arrested him. Feng Sing Ling would have shown up and put him the shit out of James. Yeah, because he wouldn't have arrested him. He would have fucking killed him. He would have put him through a storefront immediately.

This 00 section's got a small population and he's getting through them fast. So they put him on a boat. He gets arrested. Yeah, they put him on a boat and they're like, we're going to take you across to Kowloon. And Bond quite reasonably was just like, I was just on Kowloon. And they say, we're going to take you across to Kowloon and Bond quite recently was just like I was just on Kowloon

and they say we're going to take you to the new territories it's like we're Kowloons in the new territories and as they do they go past the wreckage of the Queen Elizabeth which sank in Hong Kong harbour a few years before this movie was made

it was like a fire broke out after it had left services Queen Elizabeth. It was sort of like an insurance scam arson deal. And it just rolled over in Hong Kong Harbor and just sat there rusting because it was too big to move. Welcome back to Well, There's Your Problem,

a podcast about engineering disasters with slides. So cut in with this scene is a little scene that i i want to mention in which there's no dialogue which is scaramanga and knickknack getting back from his mission he goes but he's got a little junk like a like a a boat in hong kong in in their hong kong harbor or yeah hong kong harbor And he gets back and his beautiful naked girlfriend, Miss Anders, is waiting for him in the bed. And Christopher Lee's acting in this is so good. He has no lines,

but his physical acting, like the way that he walks back onto the boat after he's completed a mission, like with his chin in the air, when he gets back and his girlfriend is there and like she has the blankets up around her neck and he like takes out the golden gun and like moves the blankets down with the barrel of the gun he's so so good like even just shots where you just see his hands his physical acting is so good

in this film um and this is going to come back later yeah you see why christopher lee was so good at doing uh like hammer Hammer Horror movies, right? He's got a great, sort of, physical presence, and even though it's turned to a slightly different end here, it's very, very effective. But yeah, so Bond takes his chance as the boat goes past to jump from the police boat onto the wreck of the the queen elizabeth well he he does such a thing with a level of urgency approaching like mild peril yeah he he's under two armed guards and he throws a life ring at one and then just sort of steps off the boat a little faster than normal

like it's not like he's trying to escape he's just like well here's my stop he moves like a man doing a night shoot yeah yeah he fucking does which he is yeah uh and the second that he steps on to to the boat a tannoy comes on and uh like ah welcome aboard, Commander Bond. Because, they were fucking taking him here anyway. It's like a bit of subterfuge. You didn't have to throw a life ring at a guy and then kick him into the harbour or whatever.

Well, he didn't just kill him. That's true. The wreck of the Queen Elizabeth is MI6's Hong Kong headquarters. And it's quite imaginative, what they've done with the place. Like, the whole thing is, like, canted over to one side, but then the rooms have been, like, sort of rebuilt at the correct angle. I guess they also got rid of the submarine from the three movies ago

that was in Hong Kong Harbor. There's one submarine. Is there anything in Hong Kong Harbor that isn't MI6 headquarters? No. No. Thanks for coming. It genuinely is just like Hong Kong, Macau, Shenzhen, Zhuhai. All of these are just like equidistant to this one boat.

So it is quite smart, actually. I'm almost going to give them credit for this one. We then see that the cop who arrested Bond and, like, put him on this boat to take him there anyway, Lieutenant Hipp, is also a British Secret Service agent. Bond, just fucking wait a second

and you wouldn't have had to have done all of that shit. Anyway. Also, we should probably flag about the ship. Since it's tipped over, the entire internals are at like a 45 degree angle and they've just refloored it it's genuinely a very imaginative set because they're walking through doors that are like at a 45 degree angle it's very very good fantastic uh so m berates both uh lieutenant hip and and bond This is where he drops the,

I wish you'd been strangled as a child, Bond line. Yeah, because the fact that Gibson is dead, they're like, well, at least we got the Solex right. And Lieutenant Hipp is like, he showed it to me in the bar. And then after he died, it wasn't there. Like, it's gone. And they're like, oh, fuck, you've completely screwed the pooch. Both of you

you fucking tools and we see it being stolen as well knickknack walks over to the corpse and just like fiddles with it for a bit and and it's like oh you leave that corpse alone and knickknack just leaves and he doesn't feel the need to we've seen knickknack since since the first scene right yes and knickknack is is scaramonger's butler valet man servant and he's played by herve villachez right who is a we have to get into some terminology here because we're gonna say the word this is what this is the podcast where we say the word say the fucking word we're gonna say the word um because herve villachez insisted all his life but especially on this movie that the way in which you describe him was midget right it was like three feet 11 inches tall uh and i think now you would say little person not sure yeah i think this is this is a word certainly i i I have had little people as friends who have said

hey, that's not a cool word, you shouldn't call us that, little people is the word. But Herve Villachez, he insisted on being called that. Yeah, and so he's... So we're saying the word, baby. We are saying the word.

We got the pass, we got the impasse, baby. If you think that this movie is going to miss an opportunity to make fun of Irv O'Villa shows for his height then you've not been paying attention to the previous episodes of this podcast go back and listen to him again

he does a good job as Nick Mack he's good apparently filming this film was the highlight of his life unfortunately he had quite a sad life yeah he he was living out of his car in los angeles when they cast him for this and there is there is a story that the reason that they cast him for this is because he went to his agent's office with a knife and made them do it um yeah there is there is there is one

there is there is one thing that I think is very telling, which is that Ove Villachez and Christopher Lee remained close friends for the rest of Villachez's life. Not so him and Roger Moore could not find anything about their friendship. That tells me kind of a lot that i need to know about christopher lee but also about roger moore you know yeah and sadly that wasn't very long sadly and they killed himself at the age of 50 because of chronic health problems but um yeah he did do a good job in this in this film and was apparently quite a complicated person and became somewhat difficult

to work with later in life but um anyway he does a very good job in this his knickknack yeah so he he has stolen the the solex agitator out of gibson's pocket as uh as he has been killed uh and so so bond is is like where bond is like well maybe i i have an idea about how to do this and m is just still like i'm gonna go back in time and have you shaken as a baby 007 uh yeah i flagged this up bond literally just says the line he like goes to walk away and turns around and goes a thought occurs to me sir which is just like bond's about to pull the entire second half of this movie out of his ass right now all right well we've established that gibson was working with um a Chinese multi-millionaire called Hi-Fat.

Who's like a big energy guy. We've heard of him. Bond says, well, somebody must have paid a million dollars to have Gibson killed. Who's the nearest millionaire? We're in Asia.

Where else is in Asia? Bangkok. Well, it's kind of like... We're in Asia. It's kind of like Cui Bono. Who benefits from Gibson being killed? Well, presumably the guy who knew all about his research and could afford a million dollars.

So they said, well, we need to investigate high fat. And in order to do this, Bond poses as Scaramanga, thinking that he's probably never met. Nobody knows what Scaramanga looks like he's probably never met nobody knows what Scaramanga looks like, the only thing that they know about him is the third nipple thing and so Bond's plan is

he's quite, he's weirdly coy about it right, because he goes to Q and he like writes on Q's notepad and he's like I'm going to need one of these and Q is like a really 007 you won't be allowed in the pride parade with this 007 I admit it's a little kinky

oh I admit it's a little kinky it's very good in that Bond literally just hands Q a note that just says need the triple nipple need the trip nip Q can you fucking

hook me up with a triple nipple? And Q's like, 7-0-7. 7-0-7. The children might be walking past the compound and might not consent to seeing this. 7-0-7. Honestly, there are spaces where this is appropriate

save it for the after party 007 so Bond and Hip go to I will die on this hill Bond and Hip go to go to Bangkok which is again like next door to Macau and also Hong Kong

and people always say shit like i'm gonna die on this hill but they never have the common decency to actually die except in wars a lot of people dying on hills and those anyway uh beep the last two words of that sentence thank you bond moving on bond just hops the fence into high fatsFat's compound, which is a very nice ornamental garden that's actually in Hong Kong. He sees a naked woman in the swimming pool. And she's like, come on in, the water's fine. And as he's doing his usual sort of nonce act of, ah, you are a miss.

And she says her name is Chu-Mi, right? She is not in any subsequent scene she is just there as a prop voiced voiced by the same woman who voices like every miscellaneous hot girl in bond movies uh really oh no yep chew me this is the this is the bit that austin powers was playing off with fuck me and fuck you yes chew me fuck off fuck off so so bond is like oh well i shall have to take my shirt off you know he takes takes off the top of one of the fucking that one of the fucked safari suits that roger moore insists on wearing in every movie he does uh along with the cigars that's like his bond things i'm gonna wear a fucking safari suit. So he

takes off the top of his safari suit, and as he does so he is detected by Hyphat's goons, who like hold- Okay, I'll be honest, I have some sympathy for this, because at any social gathering I also take the first possible opportunity to get my shirt off. Yeah, Hyphat's goons hold him at gunpoint, but then Hyphat, who is like But then High Fat, who is going to be like, who are you, sees the third nipple and is immediately like, ah, Mr. Scaramanga, I thought we were never supposed to meet.

What he says to him afterwards is very funny. I always thought your abnormality was a myth. There are cults where it is considered a sign of invulnerability and great sexual prowess. I've learned to live with it. This is... It's a horny movie. Weird.

It's a weird horny movie. There's too much horny around here. Anyway, Bond posing as Scaramanga asks High Fat to put out a hit on Bond. Yeah, he hypes himself up a little bit. He's like, Bond, James Bond, he's he he hypes himself up a little bit he's like bond james bond he's the best even even on my level uh he knows too much you gotta kill him uh got a huge dick yeah he's like he's like uh 007 secret service license to kill james bond he's got a meaty cock and an ass that don't quit you're gonna have to kill him my favourite detail here is that he goes

immediately between very few people who don't know who James Bond is to British Secret Service which, great fine, whatever so I've actually got a mannequin of him in my house

for some reason for normal reasons I've actually got a mannequin of him in my house. For some reason. For normal reasons. High fat says like, all right, fine. Come back for dinner later and I'll think about it. And as Bond is leaving, we see that he has once again been effortlessly outplayed by Scaramanga, who has been watching him through binoculars the whole time and also owns a much nicer safari suit like it really makes bond safari suit like a piece of shit fucking scaramanga is fucking grinning as he

lowers the binoculars it's so good he's like oh i love this fucking idiot he's like i got the i fucking got his ass i am gonna fucking kill this guy it's gonna be great yeah scaramanga scaramanga the thing that christopher lee really plays up about him is he loves killing he loves it and like he he sort of he kind of really comes by that honestly you know it's like uh i mean we'll get to that later um and high fat goes after scaramanga and he's like this fucking dipshit and scaramanga's like i know scaramanga has not worked a day in his life by god he loves his job yeah yeah yeah um oh so so who i mean we can all attend like we can all aspire to live like this man yeah he loves his job he lives on a private island with his

heterosexual life partner just doing the smoking hot woman he swims in the sea he's got a joker shit fun house he's having a great time yeah he loves it so i have the next 20 minutes of this movie blocked out in my notes as hey you heard of kung fu movies because yeah there's a long section oh boy have we heard of kung fu the makers of this movie like this is the is the thing, right? Especially in the Roger Moore years, the Bond movies are so directionless that it's just fully bandwagon. Live and Let Die, what's popular at the moment? Blaxploitation movies. So we'll do a Blaxploitation movie with James Bond.

This, what's popular right now? Kung Fu movies. We'll do a Kung Fu movie. They're still doing this now. They're still, Spectre is just the Avengers, but Bond. Special bond special agent fong singling moonraker what's popular right now star wars we'll do a star wars bond so uh bond bond goes to dinner escorted by uh lieutenant hip and his two nieces his two like school-age nieces his two nieces who the way, are speaking entirely disparate languages to each other. Yeah, they're speaking Thai and Cantonese. Or rather, one of them is speaking Thai,

one of them is speaking Cantonese. And they're holding a conversation. Listen, the East is one place, right. Also, Hi-Fats Garden has sumos in it? Yes. We're in thailand yeah like yeah as soon as bond goes in to like asia land the theme park the fucking sumo wrestlers grab him and knickknack who is like dressed as i don't even know he's dressed as a lawn ornament the devil

yeah but also a gnome like gets him at the point of a pitchfork. And Hifat does the classic Bond villain move. No, don't kill him here. Put him in an easily escapable situation. No, don't just kill him now that you've got him knocked out and I'm literally standing there with a pitchfork. I don't want you to get blood in my garden. I live here. And I also don't want you to get blood in my garden. I live here.

And I also don't want you to, like, put him in the back of a car, take him two streets over and shoot him. I want you to take Mr. Bond to school. Yeah, they sent him to a martial arts school that Hi-Fat owns. And I have written Y in brackets. Yeah, I believe the script... Bond's getting attended as well while he's there. They're not even just not killing him. They're actively giving him a lovely time.

The script actually refers to this as a karate arena. That's not a thing, and they're not doing that. Doing some karate in thailand bond wakes up being massaged by all these ladies he wakes up he's been put in a gi in this karate arena yeah he watches two martial arts students sword fight to the death again i have written why in brackets um and then he is invited to fight the school's tough guy. Yeah, the school's mini-boss. As they're bowing to each other,

Bond just hits him instead. Yeah, so we surmise that the plan is that Bond will have an accident while he's at this school and will be kind of karate-arened to death, and that'll be how they get rid of it again the other thing here is that roger moore cannot fight like sean connery sean connery had a light attack a heavy attack and a grapple george lazenby as we saw in man from hong kong fucking could roundhouse kick a guy yeah he could uh but roger mo Moore does not, and I want you to imagine... He's doing a dialogue-only build. What we were robbed of here

was Lazenby staying on as Bond, because with Lazenby in it, this scene, while stupid, could still have been fun to watch, because we would have seen him kick a man in the face, right? Yeah. But instead, you have to go to zero budget uh like hong kong movies for that instead what we get is like yeah roger moore kind of like slaps a guy a couple of times and then escapes by jumping through a window yeah he does a share zone and just he just leaves he just runs away hit the bricks you can just so roger morbon cheats he just kicks their their guy in the head who's called like tash or some shit like that yeah um and like it cuts to the old man in charge of the

school who's watching and he does everything except actively say dishonorable conduct yeah and then he just like gestures to a guy next to him who is the only one there wearing a black gi. His name is, and I'm looking this up, his name is Chula. And Chula is the cockiest bastard on planet Earth. He genuinely wipes the floor with Roger Moore until Roger, like, distracts him and leaves. He doesn't win the encounter in any way. He just goes. Fight, item, run. Yeah, he leaves. He doesn't win the encounter in any way. He just goes.

Fight, item, run. And he picks run. It really is. And so the entire karate arena school chases after Bond. Bond, of course, then conveniently runs into Lieutenant Hip

and his two nieces. And because they know karate because they're Asian. Of course, all Asian people know martial arts. All Asian people know martial arts. It's really like, wow, Bond, I can't believe you've underestimated these two schoolgirls, you fucking sexist sort of moment. you fucking sexist sort of moment. And it's like, well, this is maybe the one thing he's done here that is somewhat understandable, is not assuming these women would know perfect kung fu.

Yeah, they're wearing school uniforms, right? So, like, as the various, like, dudes, like, square up, he, like, gets in front of them and he, like, pushes them back and they just move in front of him and effortlessly destroy these guys. Yeah, if you like watching schoolgirls do kung fu, then this is the movie for you. And everybody in Britain at this point did because nonce country.

Anyway. And Moore wasn't, literally Moore didn't do anything in that scene either. He didn't do anything. It's just shots of him looking from side to side intercut with everyone else. Literally everyone was kung fu fighting.

Just more looking from side to side. Apart from Cholo, he just isn't. So they escape into the clongs, the canals of Bangkok. There's another boat chase. I'm going to continue to watch PUBG.

As they leave, they play this fucking classic trumpet sting to let you know that some Bond shit has just happened. Like, just to close the scene out. They're like, wasn't that Bond-y? And you're like, no, not really. And then Hip and the girls drive away and they leave him behind. And so he...

Oh, we fucked up our rescue a little. Yeah, like... He's running up to the car. Why did he do that? I completely forgot that they did that, but yeah, they just leave his ass behind. I don't think we see them again. They just sort just drive away

they're just like oh fuck this guy sick of this James Bond shit we get a spinning silver inspector hit a cess that he doesn't know kung fu and they're like oh fucking let him die then perish

Bond gets on a boat perish Bond gets on a boat instead he gets on a boat and we get the usual fucking two in a row comedic boat chase that's not a genre that needed to exist the comedic boat chase and baby

you think that's the only thing they're bringing back from the last fucking movie they heard the audience crying out. They heard us saying, who do we want? We want Louisiana racism, man. We need Louisiana State Police.

He's back, baby! We need him back! He's just here! He's in the far east! He's doing nothing. He is here. He is on vacation, he is being racist to everyone around him and he will not stop. He's in the Far East, he is doing nothing but denigrating their culture and calling them, like, shit like, triangle heads.

Yeah, he calls them vintage shit. I don't even understand the slurs that he's using! He calls them pointy hats, right? Because of the conical bamboo hat, right? Which is notably, and I did some research into this, not a thing in Thailand. I imagine he wouldn't know. Yeah, I know.

But people are wearing them, and there's a stall of them. The Thai equivalent is called a nong. And it's not even pointy. It looks like a big straw top hat kind of cool anyway uh oh that goes yeah yeah yeah so uh bond bond is like being chased in in a boat and a a small child who is trying to hawk uh like wooden elephants to tourists, hops on board, and is trying to, like, hard sell Bond on buying this little elephant. Um,

and he's like, uh, you know, a hundred baht, eighty baht, sixty baht, and Bond's engine is dying in the boat, and he goes, twenty thousand baht if you fix this thing for me. Which the kid does, like, Bond has not turned on the fuel intake valve thing for me which the kid does like bond has not turned on the fuel intake valve uh so the kid flicks a switch and uh the boat starts again and bond goes

i'll have to owe you and pushes the kid into the fucking canal yeah james bond pushes a child into a river this is also this is apparently the other scene that roger moore did not want to do bond shit accomplished i mean it is established that this kid survives and like it's a good swimmer because he like yells at bond and calls him a bloody tourist yeah But like, James Bond pushes a child into a river. Yeah, James Bond owes that kid 20,000 baht. The hero of the film pushes a child into a canal.

By the face. This movie is so fucking racist, man. Yeah. Speechless. So we cut back to Bond escapes and we cut back to Bond escapes and we cut back to Scaramanga and High Fat just chatting shooting the breeze

doing evil shit and Scaramanga is told okay well Bond has escaped and you're no use to me anymore and unlike every henchman Blofeld's ever had when he receives the like you are nothing

to me, you're a dumb piece of shit, I'm gonna have you thrown into the piranha thing. He's like, checking the chair to make sure it's not electrified. Yeah, he turns it around on Hyphat, we see him, like, fucking with stuff on Hyphat's table, he's got like a cigarette lighter and a cigarette case and a fountain pen, and he is- they're all gold plated and as high fat is giving him the like i have no more need of your services speech he's just assembling one of those to another until he has the golden gun the golden pistol and he just like uh just shoots high fat dead with it i gotta be honest with you you, man. I feel like having a golden

pen, a golden cigarette case, a golden lighter, and a golden cufflink on you is not any less conspicuous than just having a gun. Yeah, plus you've got to have the bullets somewhere. It's like a five minute procedure to make this gun.

Nobody knows what he looks like at least. I don't know they show you him assembling the gun and it ticks the exact point in my brain that like as a child used to play with transformers toys like i was like yeah yeah megazord it's like the the obvious toy for this movie right is the golden gun um and the toy that they made is like a plastic Walther P-38 cap gun, spray painted yellow. So if you want to like, yeah, I know, right? Well, the original golden gun, the actual prop has been stolen. No one knows where it is.

Worth 80,000 quid and it disappeared from the studios. Stolen from the warehouse. But Scaramanga also takes the Solex. He takes the solex he takes the solex and as high fats goons like storm in he just they see their boss dead and he's like yeah i'm the boss now i'm pretty sure this is how it works uh your boss has just resigned familiar with the the specter strategy of just killing the guy ahead of you yeah yeah yeah dead man's dead man shoes and so uh killing the guy ahead of you yeah yeah yeah dead man's dead man shoes and so uh he like points to a mausoleum that high fat had previously bragged about and he's like he was always fond of that

put him in it and it's like fuck christopher lee's such a good actor he's so good so fucking good christopher lee uh there you get some more bullshit we have bond dining with good night which is like a scene whose only memorable thing is that like first of all that mary goodnight is no thoughts head empty second of all that wouldn't it be funny if there were an asian champagne called foo yuck they they get a lot out of that joke yeah um it's quite fun bond hits on goodnight and he's like well we don't really have anything to do tonight. And she shoots him down.

She's like, I'm not. I think she doesn't want to be one of his like passing fancies. However, remember what I said? He also uses a slur. He uses the O slur, which is one of those weird ones that is completely unacceptable. And he uses he uses a word beginning with O to describe the East. I'm not even going to get you to tell. Oh, OK, fine, okay.

Because it's completely unacceptable to say that in America, but in the UK it's written on, like, supermarket aisles. Yeah. So, like, it's one of those weird ones. Yeah. But, yeah, anyway, he just drops that. Remember what I said about this movie training an entire generation of men that when a woman says no, she maybe or like yes but later well she says

no and then she shows up at his hotel room like yeah i changed my mind i want to fuck now um at this exact moment in the movie i took two paracetamol tablets although i was on a train platform uh in the middle of the night so the only liquid i had was coca-cola from a vending machine just to get a summary of where i was emotionally and mentally watching this fucking scene so they're they're fucking bond is bond is putting the nonce moves on mary goodnight and then scaramanga's girlfriend andrea knocks on the door and bond immediately is like well trading up to a new model uh he throws a bunch of blankets and pillows over uh good night and then locks her in a closet to like presumably it's established the period of

time that she's in there is two hours so to spend two hours listening to me fuck this woman uh who is not you but yeah Miss Anders appears my notes say amazing dress clocky jawline she does have an incredible jawline but she reveals at this point that she is the one who sent the golden bullet she wants Bond to kill Scaramanga so she says

she says to James Bond like I am sort of involved with the world's most dangerous assassin. I don't love him. He doesn't love me. He just fucks me so he can get the person at clarity to kill people. She says, I want to leave him, but obviously I can't just leave him because he's a murderer. So I need you to kill him.

You're the only one who can do this. And she says, I will have sex with you if you do this. And I feel like the nice thing to say would have been, you don't have to do that. You are clearly in a dangerous situation. But Bond is just like, yeah, all right. Until she says that. Until she says that, Bond is just displaying absolute contempt.

He's just like, why don't you just leave him? And her previously stated objection is, he will murder me instantly. displaying absolute contempt he's just like why don't you just leave him and yeah like her previously stated objection is he will murder me instantly it's also not even good spy shit because bomb says okay if you have sex with me and also bring me the solex then i will help you he doesn't say okay we will take you into protective custody in exchange tell us where scaramanga is and we will go and arrest him now no like which would have been the sensible thing to do but instead he's like no no go go back into the danger go back into the lion's den after you suck this dick well that at least is realistic espionage yeah that's true he's like no no listen you are a woman your life is meaningless to me apart from

making this dick come yeah do that and then go straight back into a danger zone and get me what i want that's right and then maybe we'll see what happens next doesn't even confirm that they would even help her past that's right yeah so um which she tries to do she does she does they arrange a meeting at a sort of a mai tai fight uh we see but first first oh yeah no first first we get a genuinely incredible scene which i think is one of the saving bits of the film which is that miss anders goes back to scaramanga's junk um which is the name of the boat and she takes the solex she takes the solex out of the safe um there's only four lines in the whole scene where Scaramanga is like half asleep in bed,

but his acting in this is so, so good. Like he does the scene literally with his eyes closed, but it's even little things like he's sleeping in the middle of the bed. He doesn't leave room for his girlfriend to get in. He sleeps in the middle. Like he does not give a shit about her. The way that he so coldly says,

what are you doing? Where have you been? Like he's so good. She opens the safe and he asks her what she's doing and she says i'm putting i'm putting my jewelry in uh and and and we see that she you know she has jewelry in there too so it's not like a ridiculous lie and he like seems to satisfy her that he's not suspicious, but also we know that he is, which is why it's so deftly acted. Yeah, with four lines. Honestly, it's a masterclass.

You genuinely get an amount of whiplash going from scenes where the main character in the scene is Roger Moore, James Bond, to going to where the main character is fucking christopher lee scaramanga christopher lee scaramanga uh and it like it's beautiful oh he's so yeah yeah they use it's not just about having like an interesting villain with a gimmick like he cries blood or he's got a scar or whatever it's they use the villain in an interesting way and they show us a little bit of his life and they kind of let us in and show us why he is to be feared, and it's

so good. He's almost a de-jaragonist. He's the first villain in one of these movies that genuinely doesn't actually want to kill James Bond from the offset. He's eventually just forced into it.

He's just vibing. So Andrea agrees to meet Bond at a kickboxing fight. He sits down next to her and she's very still, and he is like, oh, did you bring the Solex agitator? And she's still, completely still, and he looks over and he sees that she has been shot dead, wearing white, which is like totally untarnished. There is like one small bullet hole. She is perfectly upright. She doesn't even really look shocked.

She's just dead in her seat. Straight to the heart. And Scaramanga sits down next to Bond. Knickknack is behind him. He's got a little derringer on him. And this is the first time that Bond has ever actually met Scaramanga so he doesn't know

that it's him when he sits down next to him and he does the line Scaramanga does his own line back to Bond because he says my name is Scaramanga Francisco Scaramanga like he does the Bond James Bond thing and Bond like shits his fucking

pants it is incredibly incredibly well done and we we see we get a little bit we get led into a bit more of scaramanga here because uh bond is like looking for the solex agitator uh which is gone right and and scaramanga is like i wouldn't bother i looked first and it was also missing um and he says of having killed uh andrea that he is grateful to her for having uh like for having been responsible for him meeting james bond and that it's an honor and that it was a difficult shot, but most gratifying. He's a guns guy and he says this, Bond just says some like bullshit throwaway line like, I suppose we all have to get our jollies somewhere. And he just says, yes, mine are guns and they always have been.

Yeah, it gives him his origin story. Yeah, his origin story is silly and yet Christopher Lee carries it off. And the origin story is, he grew up in, as we know, the circus, where his only friend was an African elephant um who having been mistreated goes berserk uh and uh like the ringmaster i guess kills this elephant in front of him he shoots he shoots this elephant in front of scaramanga and so scaramanga just shoots him dead uh in retribution um he recounts the moment that he shot the ringmaster with this big grin on his face. It's terrifying. I also want to highlight that there is no music in this scene.

No. It's just the ambient noise and it's just the tension. And Christopher Lee hardly ever makes eye contact with Roger Moore. He really only does it at like one or two moments. One is where he says, you see, Mr. Bond, I always liked animals. And then he turns to look at him and says, but then i discovered i liked killing people even more and then at the end of the scene where where he says he finally turns to look at roger moore in the eye and says please don't try to follow me and they get us up and goes it's so so fucking good like watch this scene on youtube because christopher

lee just fucking bosses he's so languid. He moves so little. There's an economy in it that I really appreciate. There's something to be said truly for how good an actor Christopher Lee is, that he can make a man's origin story being, my best mate was an elephant, and I went on a revenge killing spree after he died, into quite a genuine Also knickknacks eating peanuts behind him and we should discuss that

While this is going on they are actually doing spy shit. They've identified that the solex agitator Baby, that's just on the she just dropped it when she was shot like But bond he looks yeah sees the bond bond takes it and like gives it to to hip by simple misdirection uh he like or hip who is posing as like a peanut yeah he orders like a pack of peanuts drops them and then like palms the the solex and gives it to hip hip gives it to good night good night follows scaramanga and knickknack as they're leaving and because no thoughts head empty something else is is that um this isn't funny good night has a gucci handbag in this scene i just thought that was good i wrote it down in full caps uh she she gets immediately bundled into the boot by scaramanga he does not even struggle with it. He just pops the boot and is just like, whoop!

So Scaramanga now has the Solex unbeknownst to him because it's in her handbag. She's in the boot of the car. Bond tries to chase after them and the lesson here ultimately is women should do as they're told. Bond even says that!

Because Bond and Hip come out of the match, and then Bond says, where's Goodnight? And Hip's like, well, she's supposed to be here. She's got the Solex in her handbag. And Bond goes, women. Women, am I right? She's a secret agent. Yeah.

She's been there for like two years, and she has no agency at all. Em praises her, actually, at one point, and says she's a good agent. No secret agency. So Bond has to chase after Scaramanga's car which is like a bronze AMC

matador. And of course behind him is an AMC dealership. How much did AMC, the motor company, kick in for this movie? Less than you'd think. Where there is a red AMC gremlin and in you know what i would like to see a bit more of though just happens to be in the past you know what i would

like to see a bit more of this is about louisiana racism guy jeff jw pepper louisiana state police sergeant jw pepper he's there he's there he's there he's there he's sitting in the car because that's a thing that you do when you're on vacation just think about buying a car and bond takes the wheel drives up this fully fueled ready tolled, ready-to-go show car, chases after Scaramanga... J.W. Pepper. J.W. Pepper is in the car, yelling racial abuse, talking about commies. You're that secret agent! That English secret agent from England! 20 minutes of this. The painkillers I took previously hadn't kicked in at this point,

and I was just staring at the packet for the entirety of this scene. Yep. So the car chase that follows is not really notable, but for one thing, right? Which is that they have to get across a canal to chase after Scaramanga, and in order to do that, Bond takes a broken bridge, and he ramps it and

flips the car 360 degrees horizontally. And they did that stunt in real life that's not in effect. They did that. On the first take. On the first take, they gave the stuntman whose name was Bumps Willard by the way, a $30,000

bonus on the spot for landing it um and then listen having having done this they put a slide whistle over it i wrote that down almost verbatim i wrote imagine the fucking effort and planning that went into conceiving of setting up and pulling off that stunt imagine that hours upon hours of dedicated work. Modifying the car. And then they put a slide. As far as I know, this was the first computer-modeled car stunt,

because they had to simulate this in order to make it work. They had to make the car custom. The steering wheel and the seat is in the center. Everything else extraneous has been taken out of it to remove weight and then in order to do this scene which they still like people try to replicate and still can't do now um they they do it and then the noise that they put over it is like i would say the most ill-judged bond noise we've heard since um the most ill-judged bond noise we've heard since um well i didn't have the the slide whistle so i went to the next best thing um it genuinely is just a slide whistle yeah it's a slide whistle

like it took me out of this moment so hard because it's it's a comical noise for something like they slow down the footage a little bit as well to make the stunt last longer. So it looks like he does this at about three to four miles an hour. And slide whistle. It is a very cool stunt. I think it was done as part of a car stunt show previously by a travelling, not a travelling circus, but a professional cunt star show. A professional cunt star show. A professional cunt star show.

So sorry. 007, they're called the professional cunt stars. Sorry, bring this back in one piece, 007. Changing the name of the group chat to professional cunt stars. Oh, baby, don't worry, I am already there. A professional stunt car show did this stunt and somebody saw it and they just said

I'm so sorry Bernard Lee's M being like now what do you know about the professional construct but like me and the girls after COVID we have another and the girls after covid we have another cunt star to get through

getting that surgery to get the professional cunt star kill James Bond that's your medal that's your medal for services to pussy is the professional cunt star oh my god I'm so sorry this movie Oh my god. I'm so sorry, I just fucking derailed that.

This movie doesn't just have the one cunt star, it has two cunt stars. No, thank you for this, because I've been worried that we've been quite serious thus far. Scaramanga and Knickknack drive the car into a barn, and the barn fits fucking wings and an engine onto the car, I'm gonna, I can say words, onto the car, and it takes off and flies with Goodnight in the boot, and because she's fully bimbified, she's like, ah, I think we've stopped, opens the boot and sees that they're at like 5,000 feet or whatever. Incidentally, like J.W. Pepper tries to reason with the cops and gets arrested. But he does threaten them at one point with... I got connections. I'm going to get the FBI on your ass, the CIA.

God damn it, I'm going to get Henry Kissinger. Which is no idle threat for an American to make in Southeast Asia in 1971. No, it is not. Anyway, yeah, so luckily... Yeah, and we never see that character again. No, he was killed. I choose to believe he was executed by... He was killed by firing squad.

Watch the documentary The Last Executioner, which begins with them shooting Sheriff J.W. Pepper, Louisiana State Police. So Bond and Hip teleport back to Hong Kong, and thankfully they're like, oh, we've tracked the fucking plane to a group of islands in red Chinese waters, because whenever a Bond movie of this period wants an agent of chaos, it goes with red china um and so bond is bond is like okay we'll go i'll go and like infiltrate it off the books uh so you don't have to know anything about it so bond invades china um well the the the fucking exchange and i've slightly editorialized the exchange but really not as much as you would imagine is that bond is just like so what if we simply entered chinese airspace sir and m goes absolutely out of the question

and then bond just replies like what if i did it secretly and then it cuts to him doing it and then not 20 seconds later it cuts to a red chinese radar base being like some guys in our airspace yeah you want us to shoot him down, boss. And Scaramanga's like, no, no, this is all part of my plan. There is a great bit where Scaramanga's on the phone to them, and he says, no, no, please don't shoot him down. He's a guest that I'm expecting. Pause. No, he won't be leaving.

So good. Oh my god, dude. Christopher Lee. God. So Scaramanga welcomes Bond. Or rather... He is loving it! He is loving this scene! Okay, so, what happens is,

first, Knickknack welcomes Bond with... Bonjour, Monsieur Bond. And a tray with a bottle of Dom Perignon on. Which, a hidden Scaramanga uses like a BB gun to shoot the cap off of. And of course, it's not a BB gun.

It's a real pistol. And so, and so Bond flinches, of course, and like, almost goes to like draw his gun. And, uh,

Scaramanga is just like, I have to forgive me, but I couldn't resist. It was too good not to. Uh, he like, he is grinning! He's loving having Bond on his island! He puts the gun down on the train next to the champagne, which has drenched Nick-Nack, and he's like, as you see, I'm now completely unarmed. And, oh my god, this is Scaramanga's invitation to Bond, right? Where he just eats this scene up, right? We have so much in common, Mr. Bond.

We have so much to discuss, and we will never have this opportunity again. Ours is the loneliest profession, so let us spend a few pleasant hours together. Ours is the loneliest profession. Is a line that, like... Because this is before podcasting was invented. That's true.

That with that delivery, goes much harder than this movie has any right to let it go. But so Bond is like, fine, whatever. I don't give a shit. And Scaramunca gives him the tour. He gives him the tour of his island lair, which is delightful, actually. It truly looks lovely. We get another classic, here is the exploder key Mr Bond section. Yeah, he shows him the solar. Where Scaramanga's just like, yo, here's our solar power plant, if this shit

gets above absolute zero... Here's the one guy that we have taken care of it. His name's Kra, he's wearing like a boiler suit. Yeah, he looks cool. He's just built, he has an afro and a mustache. Yeah, he's that one guy. He runs the solar power station by himself. And now, he explains his plan to Bond, and Bond of course, because as we've previously mentioned, Roger Moore, Roger Moore's Bond knows everything and is insufferable about it, so Bond is just like pointing out, ah, minus 275 degrees, or whatever. And Scaramanga is just like, yeah, I don't know.

I don't give a shit. Which is not a type of trap. I just work here. And so, but like, the thing that I have in my notes for Scaramanga's plot is not even illegal. Scaramanga's plot is he is going to auction the ability to use solar power to the highest bidder, and whoever can use it will be able to build power stations with it, will be able to franchise

it to other countries. And I'm just like, that's not illegal, even. It's literally not an illegal plot. Yeah, that's his nice return. It's just like free enterprise. If anything, it's going to help the world, actually, a little bit. I mean, it's not as good as giving it away for free,

but it's not like he's going to destroy it. There is one kind of revealing line, though. The oil shakes will pay you just to keep solar energy off the market. The thought had occurred to me. Ah, 1973. So, yeah. He's also built a laser gun, just for fun. He's built a laser gun.

At this moment, before we built a laser gun he's built he's built a laser gun at this moment before we flag the laser gun at this moment it was 4 30 a.m an hour and a half into this fucking movie i was cold i was tired my painkillers had not helped my headache i'd gotten onto the train to get back to my fucking hometown of Barnstable. The ticket inspector asked if I had a rail card. I looked in my wallet. I realized I didn't have it. And I must have looked up at him with the most defeated expression

a human being has ever had because he literally just went, don't worry about it, like before I'd even said a word. Nice. Which, first of all, hell yeah to that guy, Dudes Rock. Thank you, my man.

I do have a rail card. I just forgot it. But also, that's where I was. And we have the classic third act laser satellite genre twist. Yeah, yeah. He has built like a gun that goes off of the Solex, which he's really enjoying himself. Like the line that he uses when he aims this gun is, This is the part I really like.

And he uses it to blow up Bond's plane. My understanding is this doesn't come up again. No, never comes up. Not important. He's just there like, also, you get this if you bid on the FedEx. The thing is... It's like a fucking free gift. It's a DLC. The thing is, right, we've seen Scaramanga in, like, work mode before in this movie, most notably at the Muay Thai arena, right, we've seen Scaramanga in work mode

before in this movie, most notably at the Muay Thai arena, right? Where he's been very languid. Here, he switches and he's absolutely jovial. But Bond is like, oh, I suppose you can give me the tour or whatever. And he's like,

Splendid! Splendid! He's having a great time he's loving it he enjoys himself so much he's just showing him the like the rumpus room and stuff they have lunch knick knack is a cordon bleu chef um there's a really nice touch which is that all of the tableware the glasses the cutlery and everything it's all made of silver the only gold thing is the golden gun yeah it's a nice little touch and. Good night is also saying shit with the cadence that one might say like a secret code phrase, but it just isn't registering Bond or anyone.

I thought that it would be a secret code phrase. It's just not. No, she's just saying shit. I wish I'd written one down. I wish I could stay here forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And while she's doing that, Scaramanga is just effortlessly owning

Bond, right? He says, like, we understand each other because you and I are the best, right? You live well, Scaramanga. That's a million dollars a contract I can afford to, Mr. Bond. You work for Peanutsk.

A hearty well done from my majesty the queen and a pittance of a pension apart from that we are the same fucking get his ass yeah goodnight looks at him I've now just reopened the movie together so goodnight looks at him and says it just goes the fried mushroom

looks terribly interesting there is nothing hidden under the fried mushroom it just not quite clear what that was about no no she's just saying shit like i don't know bond gets quite angry he calls scaramanga full of shit right uh for being like i'm the same and we get the closest thing to like an explanation of Bond's ethical code in his own words, as we're going to get for a long time. And this is how Bond... And I want you to think about the people that we've seen Bond kill while we've been making this podcast.

I want you to think about that as we go into what Bond considers his ethics to be. When I kill, it's on the specific orders of my government. And those I kill are themselves. about that as we go into what Bond considers his ethics to be. When I kill, it's on the specific orders of my government. And those I kill are themselves killers. Oh, come, come, Bond. You disappoint me. You get as much fulfillment out of killing as I do, so why didn't you admit it? Oh, I admit it, little kinky.

Okay, I may have stitched those two together. Well done, well done. You cut that in. Yeah. That was really fucking good. He just does Nuremberg shit. He's just like, when I do it, I'm ordered stitched those two together. Well done, well done. You cut that in. He just does Nuremberg shit. He's just like, when I do it, I'm ordered to by the government. He's like, oh, fucking Priti Patel ordered you to shoot people, did she?

I'm following orders. Well done, you're a fucking ethical hero of the year. I only kill bad people, which is not true. I only kill people when I'm told to, also not true. We've seen Bond kill people for fun. And specifically when he's told not to. Also, several times we have seen Bond be like, told no, and just do it anyway. I do also have to say that come, come, Mr. Bond, you enjoy killing as much as I do is an iconic Bond villain line.

Oh, yeah, very good yeah uh but like yeah so scaramanga calls him on his bullshit and uh he he tells him that he wants what he wants to do is have a duel to the death uh in his like cartoon funhouse um and and bond is like a little bit rattled by this he's like like, it's quite old-fashioned, isn't it? And oh god, there's this fantastic line, right, which Christopher Lee truly sells. He goes, my golden gun

against your Walter P.V.K. And Bond says, six bullets to your one. I only need one. So good. Chills. Yeah. So they get together on the beach back to back knickknack cats out 20 paces um and bond enters into this sort of game of death right uh in you know sort of like a fun house with mirrors and like yeah because when bond turns and fires scaramanga is gone

yeah yeah and credit to roger moore bond shits his fucking pants yeah he looks scared this is the most peril we've seen bond in in a while uh and we see him waste bullet after bullet after bullet on nothing um and then drop his gun

and then he drops his gun i think at one point, uh, Like, Nick-Nack comes on over the intercom, there's like only three bullets left, Mr. Bond. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Of course we know how it has to end. And they also cut this sequence short in order to, like, include the rest of this shit, but, um, Yeah, no, Bond outwits Scaramanga. If you're quick, you kind of notice it before it happens, you're like, wait a second, that Bond mannequin still has all of its fingers, but we saw those get shot off in the first

sequence. Bond has like, changed into the mannequin's clothes, and like, adopted its fucked Bond shooting stance perfectly. And he kills Scaramanga, who says nothing, he just looks shocked, and he dies. I'm glad he says nothing. Yeah. I'm glad he doesn't say anything. Yeah, if he'd said anything it really would have retracted, I think.

But Bond then manages to destroy it himself, because he rescues Goodnight, and she says, what what happened and Bond says he landed on his coup de grace what the fuck does that even mean it sounds a bit like us I wanted Scaramanga to kill Bond it would have been a more fulfilling ending

kill James Bond or at least wound him in such a way that comes back in later films that like he's now got a fucked shoulder because Scaramanga shot him. He is un-fucked. He's still got the golden bullet in him. Yeah. Anyway, all the while, during this sequence,

it's intercut with Goodnight doing maybe the one spy thing she actually ever does, which is be a woman who exists. So the other guy, what's his name kra same as kra kra kra notices her because she's wearing a bikini and just like walks over and follows her like a fucking puppy yeah and she just kicks him into this big fucking liquid helium container which is uh said to be an absolute zero which i have some notable she flips the big destroy base switch by kicking a guy into it um and so he he falls into it and it like pans up to a sign that says absolute zero must be maintained to avoid instant criticality and it's like okay well that's fine whatever sure but bond and man. So Bond and Goodnight search for the Solex. Bond

gets down into the Solex hole because it's in a hole next to a big beam that would go in when there's sunlight. He has turned this off so he can get in. He's trying to hit it with his shoe and trying to hit it with his gun because he's too dumb to know how to unscrew or anything. And

again, no thoughts, head empty. Goodnight hits the uh the big laser beam turn on button with her ass and yeah she's in the perfect like that that drawing of a i'm using the word as it was used bimbo like staring at my book on the ground pose yeah where her ass is just perfectly out to the side and just she just knocks a big switch that says destroy base. Oh my god, she does look like the bimbo looking at a book on the ground.

She is doing that pose. She almost kills Bond. Bond shouts at her some more until she presses every button, and he gets the Solex free in time. The base blows up, and they escape. They fucked up making this, and they nearly killed both

Roger Moore and Britt Eklund doing this. Scaramanga's revenge! Yeah! Roger Moore said that when they're running, he's got his arm around her back, right? And an explosion goes off behind them, and it burnt

all of the hair off of his arm. Oh. So, kind kinda fine there, guys. And then, of course, we have another standby, right, which is, hey, we can just leave this whole henchman loose end and just go about our business, right? We can just be fucking on some sort of mode of transport home, and we're not gonna expect any kind of... any kind of retribution. So they steal, um, they steal Scaramanga's junk, right? And as Bond and Goodnight are fucking, Knickknack appears and tries to kill Bond. This is not treated with any kind of dignity right? He like

throws champagne bottles at Bond until Bond locks him in a suitcase and we are for a second meant to believe that Bond just fucking throws him overboard but instead Bond like hoists him up into the rigging of this junk

So I mean at least he survives. Yeah, that is true. Which I can only imagine is as, like, a direct response to how Whisper is treated in the pre- I'm doing it now. How Whisper is treated in the previous movie, where he's just locked in a thing and left offscreen forever.

Bond literally gibbets Nick-Nack here. Yeah. Yeah, and Nick-Nack's just put on, like, the rigging. Yeah. And he looks perturbed. That's the movie. That's the movie. That's the movie.

This is a two-hour movie. It's the last one that Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman did together, because Harry Saltzman, like, almost went bankrupt and had to sell his stake in Eon Productions. And they also had a massive falling out, which is kind of apparent. This was like a disaster to make.

Albert Broccoli wanted an elephant chase in it. I'm glad that did not happen. John Barry, the composer, like really half-assed it. The director of photography quit halfway through. It really

had a troubled production, and it would be another... There's a two-year delay between this and The Spy Who Loved Me, which is the next one. Yeah. The reception that this got was so lukewarm that for a while it was seriously considered,

like, maybe we should not make any more Bond movies. See, that's a shame because I did enjoy this more than a lot of the other ones. A large part of that is Christopher Lee. I actually like the music. They keep reusing the theme song, the theme from the theme song, but they put little twists on it here and there, which is quite nice. Scaramanga's got a good little leitmotif like i i and also it makes sense in ways that previous films don't i i have one one objection to this uh jw pepper louisiana state police

yeah yeah yeah he's he's in this movie for almost as much As Scaramanga is Why is he in this movie Why does J.W. fucking Pepper Have the Who watched Who fucking watched the previous movie And went like oh you know who my favourite character is You know who they should make recurring

J.W. Pepper Louisiana State Police Like they're trying to do like a Superman's pal Jimmy Olsen shit, where it's like, oh, fucking Bond's buddy, Sergeant J.W. Pepper. I get that he's meant to be, like, a foil for Bond, because Bond is meant to be, like, slick and sophisticated, and he's meant to be, like, crude. But it's also interesting that they say that he's the opposite of Bond

because he's racist, when, as we have seen in the previous film, Bond is extremely racist. Yeah. When, as we have seen in the previous film, Bond is extremely racist. So, I mean, this is another example, along with Red Grant, of trying to do the villain as, like, mirror Bond. I think more successfully than from Russia with Love, almost. Just because of Christopher Lee. And the reason why is, like, I have a theory about theory about this right which is that there's a line in here andrea says when she's explaining why she can't leave him

she says he's a monster i think christopher lee plays him exactly like the same fucking way he did dracula or the mummy right uh i i think he has like played him as as as a as a horror character as a monster and then i just kind of gone from there and it works so well yeah i mean i don't know that he he he works as well as like a dark mirror of bond or whatever because most of the argument that he has with bond he wins yeah he's too interesting, whereas Bond is not. Yeah. Anyway, we have a science-based system on this podcast. Even though Christopher Lee says science was never my strong point. It's called the SCUMM system, the SCUMM paradigm.

Four, SMAM, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. We score these on a flexible scale of 0 to 7 or more than 7 if we feel like it so how do we feel that this movie does in terms of how do we feel this movie does in terms of smarm I feel like no Roger Moore movie has no smarm

yeah and in particular I'm thinking of like the way in which he talks to women is a combination of smarm and misogyny that is like a classic combo yeah that is distinct from like where connery might have had a lower smarm but a much higher misogyny i feel like roger moore is kind of like both yeah i would say it's fairly high i think a four or a five i'd go five i would say a five yeah i'm i'm willing to put a five up okay it's definitely his base like roger moore's baseline misogyny is certainly higher than no sorry not baseline misogyny that's about the same

his baseline smarm is definitely higher than sean connery's and certainly higher than laser beams. Cultural insensitivity. Well, I mean, we are in Asia land in this movie. Well, they have the decency to condense all of the cultural insensitivity down to one man. Yeah, who could that man be? Jeff J.W. Pepper, Louisiana State Police. Yeah, that, like, I hate him so much. I hate Roger Moore so much uh i hate i hate roger moore so much also uh bangkok and hong kong and uh like to an extent even beirut are basically interchangeable macau also um the fucking wrestlers in thailand all asian people know karate all asian people

know karate and are named things like Chew Me and make things called like Foo Ya. I'm thinking it's at least a 5. I'd be persuaded to go 6. Yeah, certainly. Is it as culturally insensitive as Diamonds Are Forever?

Which was a 6. Because that got points for homophobia, remember? We can't really weigh homophobia and racism can we I would say it's I would say it's six years unprovoked violence one scene just takes this

yeah because in terms of like violence to other spies and stuff it's relatively low like well notably Bond kills exactly one man in this movie violence to other spies and stuff, it's relatively low. Well, notably, Bond kills exactly one man in this movie, and it's only

Scaramango. On the other hand... He does threaten Lazar, that's kind of violent. He threatens Lazar. He... I mean, he... He punches the guy at the karate arena,

he kicks a cop out of a boat, which is practice, but like... He pushes a child into a river. He pushes a child into a river, and he tortures a woman for information. And like, not even, well, there's no such thing as light torture, but you know what I mean, it's not like a passing thing. Well, Alex, I think if anybody

knows about the existence of light torture, Alex, it must be you a passing thing I think if anybody knows about the existence of light torture Alice it must be you yeah unprovoked violence I feel like this is kind of middling here I want to say like a 4 yeah how do you feel Dave 4? I'm happy to go over 4

I'm going to take the back seat on this one and misogyny this is probably the most comprehensively mistreated a Bond girl has been since Mrs. Galore. And even if we don't count like textual mistreatment, just the writing of Mary Goodnight as just an absolute fucking moron. That's got to count. Mary Goodnight, definitely. And, oh fuck, I've forgotten Scaramanga's girl's name. Andrea.

Anders. Andrea Anders. Andrea Anders, yeah, no, I would give it easily at least a six for just how they handled Andrea. I'd go seven, honestly. Yeah, definitely. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, I'm happy with a seven as well. So, where does, on our

sabermetric score, where does this put the man with the golden gun in the bond canon that gives it a total score of 22 which is about in the middle live and let die is still the highest at 28 so we've come down a little bit

it's equally as offensive as you only live twice less offensive than goldfinger yep I think that's on the offensive than Goldfinger. Yep. I think that's on the basis that Goldfinger does show a textual rape, whereas this alludes to it.

Yeah, it shows a textual corrective rape that is shown to work. It's only one point short of Goldfinger, and had it been an eight on misogyny as Goldfinger was, we would have been neck and neck.

That sounds right to me. Here's my question. You have one other award to give out, which is the Kronstein Rosette. The Kronstein Rosette. For a henchman who went above and beyond the line of duty and was underappreciated in their time. I have a nomination. i'm interested to hear

either my my my nomination is the second karate guy that bond fights in the black gi chula yes that was also mine ah see i thought that i thought the cronstine rosette was was to honor underappreciated side characters specifically um and in that regard, I was going to nominate Agent Goodnight for the Cronstein Rosette. But maybe Chula... Ah, fuck, no, I want to change my answer. I'm going to throw us back out of quorum again, because my answer is

Lazar. He's having too much of a good time. He is, he does a good job, he's a good actor. I think we might have to split the Cronstein Rosette into villain and uh and otherwise because we have a lot of like villainous side characters that get nowhere near the appreciation you deserve such as such as yeah fair enough i i think the villains cronstein Rosette goes to Chula, but I'm willing to hear argument for the

general one for either of yours. I mean, only because Nicknack is obviously getting a lot of glory anyway. He's very well remembered from this film. Yeah, he's not an underappreciated character. I'm happy with Chula, who does a great job in his scene. Yeah, let's do that. And Goodnight gets

whatever the ally version of the Cronstein Rosette is. If you think of what that could be, put it in the scene. Yeah, let's do that. Wow. And Goodnight gets whatever the ally version of the Cronstein Rosette is. If you think of what that could be, put it in the comments. Thank you. A Goodnight award. A Goodnight award, sure. So what are we watching next time, Alice? We are watching, well, we're going to have a bonus episode in between,

which is TBD, but after this, our next mainline episode is The Spy Who Loved Me. Oh, God. I don't remember it. Never heard of it. Never seen it? It's the one with the underwater car.

Oh, God, not more underwater shit. Oh, it's the one with the first one with Jaws in it. Burn it, burn it! Okay, well, we have been the professional cunt stars. We have a Patreon where

we will be doing much the same, but for non-mainline Bond movies, like sort of deuterocanonical Bond stuff. I have been Alice Caldwell-Kelly. Joining me have been Abigail Thorne and Devon and we will see you in

one week for the bonus episode or two weeks for The Spy Who Loved Me thank you for listening thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond we will be back in two weeks time for The Spy Who Loved

Me. But if that is simply too long for you to wait, you can head on down to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Kill James Bond where we upload bonus episodes every other week. Speaking of patrons, our most beautiful and gorgeous patrons, our 15 pounds and

above patrons are Paint McCalla, George Rohak, Nikki, Jack Bushell, Larry Kins, Amanda Comet, Timothy Pagioni, Trip Our 15 pounds and above patrons are A couple of new names in there? Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me live and eat. Shirt alert! head on down to our website you have until the 20th of june to pre-order our first ever t-shirt this has been kill james bond starring alice abby and devon our producer is nate bethea our podcast art is by matt and our website is by Tom Allen. Thank you.