Upstream - S2E25: Austin Powers: Goldmember [Live]

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

It's the big finale of the KJB Three Nights Of Power. The stakes have never been higher, we have never been more insane. They made a third Austin Powers movie. Recorded live at the Streatham Space Project on the 15th of April 2023, It's.... Goldmember! ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Strettom Space Project, please welcome to the stage, kill James Bond. Oh Hello stressum Oh behave baby Welcome to another kill James Bond live show, number three of three. We're almost done. They made another one of these movies. That's right. If you missed the first two nights, we are watching the Austin Powers series.

And Austin Powers is a sort of parody bond done by Canadian Mike Myers and they're terrible. They're absolutely dog shit. The first night our problem was it was sort of a decent comedy and we had to like fill time for an hour and a half. Again, neither of these two nights is that gonna be a problem. It's just it's a very bad movie.

Are there any recurring jokes that we need to clue? By way of applause, who was not here before? Who's new? Woo! Okay, so some recurring jokes that we need to clue you in on. Firstly, Mike Meyers is Canadian, I was very disturbed to learn this. Secondly, the Voyager Space Probe is Transphobic. That's true. Thirdly, the final episode of Seinfeld ends when Seinfeld has killed in 9-11.

That's right. And Carrie Fisher, at the end of every event, comes out and is like, that's enough of that. Yeah. That's how all of these movies end. It will make... That's right. There's some fanbots. Hmm?

Hmm. Sorry, do you want... Oh. Yeah, I didn't realise you were doing audience participation on this one, but that's fine. We can change tack. And also the femboats. Great, thanks so much. Thank you.

Do you want to just like, don't? Hence. I don't have machine guns in my tits. That was too expensive. I didn't get that one. Yeah, it's the premium shit. I kind of shit you in a get if you go to Thailand. Mmm.

Sorry for coming down, startling you by the way, but this is now a show with like audience participation. That's right. We've decided, night three. Given the amount of vivoshine on this, the first three rows will get wet. Maybe the rows behind them as well, you know? But...

Speaking of 9-11. Yes. Maybe the rose behind him as well, you know? Yeah. Thank you very much. Speaking of 9-11. Yes. Right. It happened before this movie came out. This film came out in 2002, which I think prompts the urgent question, where was Austin Powers on 9-11? Oh, in the Pentagon Command Center, going,

doesn't that look like a pair of tits? He's unaccounted for for two minutes, actually, if you look at the official timeline of where he was. Yeah, but in many ways, that's true. This is not equipped to be a post 9-11 franchise. You can't have Austin Powers in a world that has the global war on terrorism. You know?

Because imagine deploying him to Afghanistan. Or Iraq. Like, it's no, absolutely not. Terrorism is just not groovy, baby. Deployed in Kabul, minute one. Do I make you horny, buddy? A son of a noughty boy. Oh! You know, the most frightening thing about this is,

I can hear you dialing in your Austin powers and it's getting better every live show. Thank God they didn't make a fool. Jenny and me concerned. Jenny and me concerned. I have to be like, sorry guys. I'm a little off. I have to be like, Austin Powers is a great series.

We all really enjoy it. They keep threatening to do another one, much like Al Qaeda. And they just don't have it in them. They don't have the source anymore. Much like Al Qaeda. Much like Al Qaeda. After a years long process to destabilize and assassinate the leaders of the Austin Powers franchise. Starting with Verntroyer. That's... Oh, fuck off.

It's a shame. It's a shame, but that is how they got him. But so we start with a topical mission impossible bit. And we did these series in the wrong order because we haven't done mission impossible yet. But mission impossible too came out right when this did. And so they do a long, long, long Mission Impossible opening. And my sole note for this is too much money.

And this is a real thing with comedy, is they become victims of their own successes. You make too much money, you're not funny anymore. This is never going to happen to us. No, no. You start doing ridiculously indulgent shit, like, wearing mesh. Uh-huh.

Body suits to a live shit. This works really well when I'm stood up, but sitting down, I'm going to go like, the entire fuck, the entire fuck. I mean, I feel bad about my outfit, right? Because we've got, like, then-butt, fem-butt, your actual mum. I mean, the sole benefit of the my outfit, right? Because we've got like, then-bott, fem-bott,

you're actual mum. I mean, the sole benefit of this dress is that it does make it harder for enemy submarines to detect my heading or speed. Ah. But so, all of this... You're the only one on topic for like 70s patents. Yeah, I'm the only one who wrote the assignment.

I wrote the assignment, and then you were like, no, I'm going to wear the cat suit. And honestly, I respect that very much. But so they do a long, long mission impossible sequence, which has actual stunts in it. They spent money on this, too much money, I would say. And the big reveal. Do you want to? Fuck, that's it. We're done.

Shit. Okay, okay. I'll, I'll, I'll pad for a bit right so the boy just Just laughed Did we just oh here they come I'll come out in the edit real smooth I think I feel like I'm on my phone on charges Fuck sake.

It was in my pocket, I actually feel bad. If everyone's taking another photo, no. But so, the big reveal of all of this is that it's actually a movie they're making of Austin Powers that exists within the Austin Powers universe. And Austin Powers is played by Tom Cruise. But Tom Cruise sounds like this. Yeah, baby. I mean, it's fun.

So that we have what we think is Austin Powers power shooting out of a plane and like into a Jaguar and like speedy. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's not fine. He sounds like he's on Kweiloods. Yeah, baby. Yeah, yeah, baby. Whatever else you can say about Tom Cruise, he's a producer who's currently working. Okay. So I really enjoy his work in this and everything else.

So he parachutes into a speed and car and then rescues Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow, who appears with a name that if anyone is working on only fans and your trans and you want a rebrand for free. Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normus. And when they did that line, I just fell back in my chair like, like, you can't do that.

They hadn't invented why that joke was funny, yes. Like, it's the same. That's the inspiration, actually. Yeah, the invention of Franz gender was in that moment when Gwyneth Maltrow was like, yeah, my cocks enormous. It's the same shit as Plenty O'Toole in Diamonds If Forever, where it's like, no, you're not equipped to find that funny yet. Yeah, they, they weren't, that's why they were like, I bet your dad has a big game.

They didn't have the punchline ready. No, no, they hadn't invented being Franz yet, and it really hurt this joke. You know, who else is in this fake Austin Powers trailer, though? The guy who is not currently working. A man who is not currently working in that way, he's open season because appearing as Dr. Evil in this fake Austin Powers movie is Kevin Spacey. Oh!

Yeah, and the joke here is... Not a name we should be cheering! Yeah, I like it. In case some of you have been not reading the news for the last several years. And the joke here fully is, Kevin Spacey could never be an evil man. And bear in mind, in the previous movie, one of the jokes was a fashion photographer could never be an evil man. So if they do make a fourth one, it's going to have a predictive power to it. And I'm quite frightened as to what they're going to find out by virtue of doing that.

Danny DeVito is also here? Yeah, Danny DeVito here needing money. Okay, so no cheer for that. All right, interesting. Dispense. Insolving. I hate this audience. Yeah.

No, two is the best one. All right. All right. We're turning them against each other. You know, we're the divide and conquer. That's right. That's right. And Steven Spielberg has himself. That's true. The other thing. Yeah, Steven Spielberg. So, the other thing, the other thing about... I'm confused. The other thing about Danny Davisa, right, is that he's playing Mini-Me. And it's pretty insulting that the in-universe parody of a character gets more lines

than the actual character. Like, actual Mini-Me, Verne Troyer, that doesn't get any lines. Danny DeVito gets one and is therefore, like, infinity times more powerful in these movies. That's how it works. That Troye goes EEEE. 50 or 60 times. That's how it works. That's how it goes. 50 or 60 times. That's true. That's true. He does make noises, but I'm not sure those count as scripted blind. If they're in the script, it'd be like, mini me. Yeah, mini me. Just for the night two heads. So we would find it.

Just for the night to head So we like to You hear based a night to pull up for real I didn't I forgot to even introduce us that's how that's how I'm sure of this boy you can see my We're on first name bases at that point. Yes, Devon Alice Abby nice to meet you Is one that in from the street and didn't know what to do. Not on a moment. Point of check.

So we zoom out and we realize this is a trailer being shot for the Austin Powers movie being directed by Steven Spielberg. And then we go into, and the real Austin Powers is watching this. Well, they really suck off Steven Spielberg, too. And I know he's a director who's still working, right? But like, this movie has a real sort of like star fucker aspect to it.

And I can explain this by the fact that when they introduce Steven Spielberg, Austin Powers looks straight down the camera and says, So Steven Spielberg, the grubiest filmmaker in the history of cinema, great, thanks. You see what's so, you see what I'm saying, right? I don't know. But like, I also, I want the idea,

you know, he's not the grubiest filmmaker in the history of cinema. He's a lot of fun. But that title of course goes to Danny Villeneuve. That's right. Chose that at random, so glad that, literally the same record of guys who got some Villeneuve heads in.

You could convince him on a previous live. The Villeneuve pill where you like geometrically shaped, you know, looks a little like concrete. Really difficult. Yeah, really difficult. At this point, this sets us up into the third dance opening. This time, they have more money, and so the dance is a better, like, there's more budget going into it, but like, and it's meant to be more extravagant and stuff.

But it can't stop doing the thing where it's like Mike Myers has been too successful and made too many friends in Hollywood. Now all he can talk about is how cool his friends are. So it will just stop the movie to be like, hey, check this out, Quincy Jones. I was just texting Finster about the same thing. Like I say, this will never happen to us. Check out Quincy Jones. Check out, God, who's the other one?

Britney Spears. Britney Spears, she's in this. Britney is in this movie. She's a fembot. That's true. They do a fembot callback, and Austin Powers kills Britney. Which, yeah, I don't feel great about, to be honest. She's in the credits though, she comes back.

I will still watch her once again as soon as I'm like, yes, as soon as Carrie Fisher granted you license to leave, you're just gone, you know. But no, this stinks of desperation in the movie too. And like, again, the other thing, Mike Myers looks older, like a lot older, but he's not leaning into it despite the fact that the best joke in the first movie was nothing worth the fact that an aging hitster but instead like the teeth get better the hair gets better and he like he he looks like an older dude who is like not accepting of it like even the fake teeth on this bad. He's also just in his affect about like only two thirds

as comedic as he was previously. I don't know if something happened to him. Maybe it was 9-11. But I admire him. He's just a bit more kind of serious in this film in a way that doesn't quite work. I think it's because the previous ones had like broadly good reviews and it went to his head.

Or at least the second one made a lot of money like the first one did. And the first one had good reviews. And he was like, no, maybe, actually, maybe I'm a serious filmmaker here. And maybe this is gonna, maybe I'm Dennis Villeneuve. He's up. Maybe I can have like a heartwarming lesson to this one.

Yeah, maybe. And like, if it had had like five percent more bite to it, you'd be like, okay, but it doesn't. Instead, all of the jokes are like, oh, Tom Cruise, he makes pretty epic movies. And like, okay, but it doesn't. Instead, all of the jokes are like, oh Tom Cruise, he makes pretty epic movies. And like, okay, sure, that's the only joke you can make about Tom Cruise if you want him to be in your movie.

Because he's in it. And I do. Very thin-skinned man, folks. Who among us were toothlessly parody Tom Cruise because we're worried about annoying him? Yeah, when are we gonna do the Mission Impossible franchise? As long as we're toothlessly parody Tom Cruise because we are worried about annoying him. Yeah, when are we going to do the mission impossible franchise?

Don't put it. When are they casting the next one? But so now we have to go to Dr. Revell's Evil Headquarters, which is behind the Hollywood sign, because we've set our theme for this, which is Mike Myers is big in Hollywood now. I wrote a number of notes, all of which were just during the opening titles. The first one was in order, hate to see, hate to see, hate to see, love to see. Those were anonymized for the protection of Abby's career.

The second Soul Bossen over started hitting our wrote, is again. It's already so self-indulgent. And I thought, no, it's just, I'm gonna kill myself. And then it's the, like, he walks out. The Britney Spears thing is fascinating because she's doing like one of her Britney Spears ass... It's boyzics videos. Yeah. And he comes in with all of his 60s guys,

and then like causes her head to explode by being too epic. And I was like, this is a meta commentary that I think is wrong. That's actually cool, Brittany. And then he goes, he goes, I did it again, baby. Regarding like making a Fembot's head explode with his Mojo and I just wrote,

that's the thesis statement of the fucking movie. Did it again? It's a really dated joke, too, because that was like, God, like, five, ten years old at that point. And it's, yeah, oops, I did it again. This is like mid to late career Britney, as a scholar and advanced Britney studies. Of course.

A Britneyologist, which is a new page real serious. Pan-pending, pan-pending, it's a really good idea. No, I mean, Britney looks miserable in this movie. As did I watching it. They've kind of forgotten the central joke, though, which is the Austin Powers isn't cool or sexy. Outside of Britain. Yes. Exactly. It's funny in the first one,

when this is the sexiest man in Britain, and he looks like this. But if he's in Hollywood, people are just like, the fuck is this non-slime? Yeah, right? It's complete bit collapse. Like the whole point of fucking movies was that this guy sucks. The one third one they were like, fuck, maybe Austin Ross. Yeah. Maybe he's cool. It's not funny if he's cool. So it's hubris as well as it's a heubristic movie. So we got to go to Dr. Evil, who again is a character that the movie finds funny other Austin powers, also played by Mike Myers, 5% gay or blowfeld.

Even he's kind of half-asseted though, he doesn't have to shit on his face anymore, he just looks like a normal dude in a bald cat. He didn't want to spend as long as the makeup chair, I assume. It's like, it's so phoned in. The effort is so much lower, but also, the establishing shot here is him wearing, I think three-foot-tooled verandroyer Mini Me in a baby carrier.

And, okay, which of you laughed? You got a spotlight? So,, I know what they wanted here structurally. It was like a quick visual gag, right? What it is, it's like literally infantilizing, right? And it's not to be like, this is part of a pattern about the movie with the go of the bad teeth. But like, it legitimately is because he never gets to do anything else, and it's so insulting. And we meet up with Dr. Evil's, Dr. Evil's team of hench people once again.

We got number two, who's Robert Wagner with the eye patch. We got Fraufa Bessner, who's like Evil and German, and lesbian, if they're remembered to do that this movie. I don't think they did. I think they forgot. I think Dr. Evil is slightly homophobic at one point in this. So he's actually gone backwards. Oh yeah, he literally, he says. I don't think that something one dude should say to another dude,

which is, yeah, same character in a previous movie was like less homophobic than that. But like a British newspaper, he just got more transphobic after the 2000s. But yeah, I mean, I guess the other thing is, number two's evil plan or like front operation is to run like a Hollywood talent agency and then name drop a bunch. And I had a joke once that the more successful a stand-up comedian is, you can tell them

because more of their jokes are about hotels and airports. With a movie series, more of it becomes about Hollywood. And you start getting these things that are described as, like, love letters to Hollywood. And it's like, it's really grim. I don't know what happens to podcasters. I hope something good. Keep starting more.

Who is the most successful podcasting in the world? Oh Joe Rogan. Yeah, Joe Rogan. Literally it is Joe Rogan. Can you pull that million brain jay? Which to be fast, Spotify. If you want to give us 10 million per episode, what am I going to say?

No. But so, yeah, we also, number two is assistant number three. And number three has a large mole on his face. Oh, it's like minute five with a third of the bowl. It's the seven, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, the second he shows up with this mole in his face, it's a Fred Savage, by the way, from the wonder years, and from the list of allegations section of his Wikipedia page. Oh!

Oh! Yeah, not currently working. But so as soon as he shows up, Dr. Evil goes, No! With a complete Zoom effect, as they zoom in on this giant mole, right? And like, everyone in this room has a facial zoom effect, they zoom in on this giant mole, right? And like, I've everyone in this room has a facial deformity. Like, like Dr. Evil's got a big fucking skull down.

Number two is missing an eye, and he's got a big burn patch, but like the mole is just like, oh, let's get, that's the one thing. 40 to 50 minutes out. Yeah, they should have like made more out of the fact that like literally everyone in that scene has some kind of official fuck-up I should have been like, don't you all just spotting all of them again and you and you're like, whoa! Just like looking at everyone in order and be like, whoa!

In New York! See, we're just- On the movie! We're just writing a better movie for them. We keep doing this and we've got to stop down. Yeah, so this is his assistant and we do a long bit about how you're not supposed to identify that someone has a mole on their face. And the comedy in this, we will be repeating this bit five or six times, is Guy trying

not to say the thing he's not allowed to say, right? But like, a legitimate cultural shift happened where it like something changed in the culture and it changed from seeing a guy with a giant mole on his face, going from like, oh, you're not supposed to point and stare to be like, no, that's a legitimately terrible thing to do. Like, it really it dates it so, so badly. In the original draft of the script. Oh Christ What was the mole because I'm guessing it just has the whole mark of something that's been like It was a dick. I'm gonna be okay

It took a minute that probably be quite surprised if someone had a huge dick on their face to be fair Yeah That'd probably be quite surprised if someone had a huge dick on their face to be fair. But yeah, okay. Yeah, fair. Okay. Cool. Not necessarily displeased. Just... Aha. So wouldn't expect it, you know.

But we announce the evil plan here, which is... Don't Tribal has a time machine, by the way, from the last film, if you need catching up. Yes. And there's this guy... Don't worry about it time machine by the way from the last film if you need catching up? Yes, and there's this guy called Gold Member. Who, you remember how Gold Finger was like European and all Europeans are perverts? A fourth Mike Myers. Yes, true. The movie.

They are reproducing themselves exponentially at this point. Later on, we get scenes where Gold member Dr. Evil and Austin are all talking to each other. And it's like, my God. Mm-hmm. Lots of shots of the back of doubles heads. But so Gold member has, first of all, he has lost his penis in unfortunate, smelting accident. I think the implication is he loved Gold so much he tried to have sex with gold. Yes. I think that's it. And he has a tractor beam and they're going to make like a golden

asteroid hit the earth and flood the polar ice caps. Oh, and gold member lives in the 70s. Yes. Don't worry about it. It's not important, but no. Again, because this is the other thing, it's like not a movie structurally. It's a series of sketches and the sketches aren't very good. It's like overgrown Saturday night live. We do like another bit about Dr. Evil cussing off his dirtbag teenage son, Scott, every time he tries to speak, and then much like the movie, Scott says, You know, this is causing me serious psychological harm. LAUGHTER Also, the evil plot is called a preparation H,

which is the name of a hemorrhoid cream. Cool. A real design. Oh! That's what that was. Yeah, that's what that was. I'll just come down and explain this movie with no jokes to you. So the plan is, Dr. Evil's gonna travel to 1975,

get Gold member, get the track to beam, cause the asteroid to crash, whatever. And then we do get something which I was quite surprised by, which is that Austin Powers appears to feed Stock to Evil and arrest him straight away. Just straight away, just turns out, Paul's a gun and I'm just like, freeze, you're under arrest and it's like,

oh, fuck, all right. It's, yeah, it's a nice little inversion of the thing. But then, right, they get like convicted in the UN or some shit like that, mini-me moons to court. And then Austin gets knighted by the queen. A match, a match herself. Rip. LAUGHTER

She's up there with Vern Troyer now. He's also been nice. She really can't stop her nighting people on that show. It's like Mormonism, everyone who has died has been retroactively nighted by the Queen in heaven, and some of them don't feel great about it. So Austin gets nighted and he's like, I owe it all to my dad at which point he goes, but just mention of this man. Yes.

In the entire franchise. My dad, Nigel, my dad's powers. Stand up and take a bow. And then we cut to his seat, which has a big reserved sign on it. He's just not fucking there. He's a deadbeat dad. He's not showing up.

And don't owe that. Don't owe that because the movie wants you to think that it has a real emotional core, and it doesn't. But then everyone there, including the royal family, laughs at Austin? Yeah, that's true. That's true. The only thing that ever had a point in Austin is,

what the fuck? I was thinking of Britain, isn't that, yeah it is. Yeah. Bitch, man. Yeah. So one thing that the movies, previous to this did, was they cut between scenes with a little interstitial of like Mike Myers' 60s comedy band called Ming-T.

It's atrocious, but it was just like, you know, a little 5'10 seconds of like Austin Powers face right next to the camera. Yeah, but really close. Yeah, like way close. Yeah. It's my way up there. But this time, again, people stop being able to say no to Mike Myers. And so we get a whole song from his band about Austin Powers dad and it fucking sucks.

It sucks so bad. Hey, those of you who are growing, don't worry, that's song number one. Yeah. For those of you in the audience going, oh! I feel you, I really do. So then we get to this book. Right, you want to just take this one

the next 20 minutes of the book. Oh, don't worry about this. So Austin's in his apartment. He's like, they do some product placement for Heineken. I was wondering what kind of beer he was drinking. And a loving amount of product placement in this one. Co-op water. I'm getting no money from that.

At this point, we loom towards two drops that I have labeled as racist, one, and racist, two. Not wow. Is that a logarithmic scale, Lord? Yeah, they are. Yes. Good for the logarithmic scale, has? The logarithm pills.

There's more of you than I thought. More of you than they were originally, somehow. So. Don't let them know. I don't know what I'll do with the scale of this. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. This beat, this is 2002, this movie came out. And Austin Powers meets an Asian woman. Mm-hmm. An Asian woman who introduces herself thusly. Can I have autograph? Of course!

Your name is... Fuck me! Yeah. Mm-hmm. And... She's wearing a Japanese sort of like quasi-school go outfit, which, first of all, nonts. I think we can feel clear about this. Austin Powers not a dude who came out of the sort of like historical allegations thing, well, at all.

I mean, they're really historical because he was frozen for 30 years. It's a fucking 50s. Just now coming to life. But yeah, so this is an actress who is not Japanese. Playing in Japanese woman named Fukmi, which is not a Japanese name. And then, a second later, we introduce her twin sister. Is this my twin sister? Her name is Fuku. It's just, it's reprehensible.

It's shit that like, you know, Publand lords who are currently getting investigated for having racist dolls in there if I would post on Facebook. It's like, who remembers when you can make a joke like this in the 70s? Also, these two actors are not twins. They're not related.

No. They're just like separate. I think one of them's like Japanese-American. Yeah. Yeah. These aren't their natural acts, and so either I looked up clips, that they were made to do this.

Yeah. And they really hammer this so bad. I mean, I have been accused on multiple occasions on this podcast before of having a, I can excuse racism, but a badly written joke. But, but, she goes, I'm, she goes, fuck me. And he goes, oh, naughty. And then she goes, fuck me.

And he's like, oh, and she goes, no, my name's fuck me. And he's like, oh, I thought you said fuck me. And she goes, no, my name's actually fuck me. And's like, oh, I thought you said fuck me. And she goes, no, my name is actually fuck me. And then she goes and gets her sister. She says fuck you. And he goes, whoa. And then this woman goes, no, no, her name is actually fuck you and mine is fuck me.

So what we get there is the joke. Austin explains the joke. They do the joke again. She explains the joke. Then they do the joke again. And at a certain point, you're going to be like, yes, okay, I get it, man. Also, the later these movies get in time,

the worse it gets, because I feel like, okay, 1997, whatever, it was a different time, right? After... After Jerry Seinfeld did 9- time, right? After... LAUGHTER After... After Jerry Seinfeld did 9-11 and we all... Wow, that's a total change in the mythology. LAUGHTER Sorry, sorry. After 9-11...

2-9, I think it was 2-9. After Jerry Seinfeld. They don't, the great said. LAUGHTER Jerry Seinfeld being... Oh, I liked that. Jerry... Jerry Seinfeld being like Jerry. Jerry Seinfeld doing the Mark Warburg thing. Jerry Seinfeld doing the Mark Warburg thing if I'd been on those planes it wouldn't have gone down like that because they would have hit the capital.

What's the deal with airline? You crashed the plane? We crashed the plane, Jerry! You Kramer, what's going on in there? Coming out of the park, Cameron. God, if 9-11 stops being funny, this podcast is f**king... Yeah, we're going to do F- F- F- Yeah. We're gonna do a live show in America and die. Oh!

It's gonna be like Austin Powers in 10 years' time, it is all this one last time. In any way, it's 9-11 stopping being funny. It would be this podcast's 9-11. LAUGHTER OK, so the movie. So, after Jerry Seinfeld did 9-11 and we all became adults, right?

And we... Some of us realized... And then I was born. Yes. Some of us realized that maybe this 60 shit was pretty dodgy, right? And like, okay, maybe you didn't know that in the 90s. By 2001, 2002, you couldn't make these kinds of jokes without knowing about that shit. Like Louis Thoreau was going to Jimmy

Savile's house to be like, uh, non-smudge. Like, I don't know. But so, it mercifully, this scene is interrupted by Basel exposition. Because Austin is about to have this, like, he's about to have sex with these two. Yeah, which is literally an item on his to-do list is have sex with Japanese twins, which... You can't even... No, no. Even so. She also says that she's very sexful. She does. Which is a direct quote from... You only put...

One on the moon. No, you only put one on the moon. Because that's Mike Myers' favourite fucking Bond film. Yeah, yeah. As he won't stop fucking rap. This is him. What, how would that be your favourite, too? Like, it's... It was also our favourite for different reasons.

It was... Yeah, it gave us a kill bond. Now. But... It's the most outrageous, at least. That's true. It also gave us much later, it gave us Muppet James. That's right.

Which is one of my favorite bits. That's for the premium heads. If you did a Muppet Austin powers, this would be a lot more defensive, I think. But in any case, Basil X position his boss shows often. It's like, yeah, your dad's been kidnapped. That's not why he wasn't there, by the way, he just doesn't love you.

Um, I've told that joke funnier than the movie does. I know, but they made it clear. I was like, no, no. Yeah. And yeah, gold member has kidnapped your dad's. Here are some dudes whose dick see his painted gold because that's what happens in gold finger, kind of. Your dad is being held in 1970s. Yeah,, 1970 something. But the only way to find out what

Gold member will do because he's a margenious is to go and ask Dr. Evil. Yeah. It presents so that we can do an extended silence of the Lambs. Yeah, see, this is the thing, right? Like doing the Hannibal Evil genius thing of like, oh, he's in the fucking special cell because he's so smart, and you've got to go and like talk to him, right? Like, this is hack shit. It's the sign of a franchise that's running out of ideas. And then the Bond franchise did this.

It just actually did it. They just did this uneironically in those times today, yeah. I think the best example of this we've seen on the podcast was still cats and dogs, too. It was. Unironically. also a movie about 9-11. But so they go to me at Doctor Evil who is in the Magneto Cell from X-Men. And he's like, yeah, if you get me a transfer to a regular prison, then I will tell you where your dad is and he's in 1970, whatever.

And this one's kind of funny. Like, that's the best compliment I can give to this movie is, yes, all right. It's kind of okay, it's fine. But now, Austin, oh, actually no, there's a flashback here. There's a fucking flashback here, another sign of a movie that has run out of ideas. Well, I think so, so we flash back to Austin and Dr. Evil as children at

British spy intelligence academy. Yeah. Whatever it's called. And this is actually quite, I think, I think the film has quite correctly picked up on the fact that they have a lot of like children fans. Sure. So we get to see these two younger actors do very good impersonations. A lot of them. Yeah. Luckily, it's all it. Austin Powers and Dr. Evil. So we see them as young.

But the thing is, they haven't changed. They're still who we know them to be. So Austin, as 17, is still shagging Dr. Evil. He's getting fucking macroned by his French teacher. Like, he's getting groomed. And a macroned. And honestly, the house, nice. Like, maybe the first lady of France used to be his teacher.

You can Google it genuinely. Yeah, but maybe him getting fucking groomed in school goes some way to explain his insane lack of sexual boundaries. Do he think maybe that, like, do I make you horny, baby? Is something that someone says when they're psychologically healthy? But... No, the movie doesn't.

Do you like me, too? Maybe you like doesn't. Is that Mickey or a new baby? Yeah, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, yeah. Does, does me a good enough wrench for that, my friend? Do I make you want it? But I do kiss that, right? So, we also find out why Dr. Evil turns evil, which is Austin like steals the international man of mystery award, which takes the form of giving him

his pendant thing, the law like male symbol pendant he wears around his neck or three movies. Two things. Sorry, please, go ahead. No, no, no, you go right ahead. Mine is just going to be like a vague noise. Two things. Two things. Thing one, Austin is now wearing a trophy he got in school as an adult man. Thing two, this involves a shot of a British school teacher putting a male symbol necklace around a child's neck. Most normal thing to have happened in a British private school,

now of days. Yeah, shortly this will become mandatory for every child. With a big pointy hat, no, we won't go that. This scene doesn't really like contribute anything to the movie, it's just there, and then we have to go back to the show. What's awesome is it passed us in as a child, it's like, oh, I had all to my dad. Everyone glied the clap for him, and he's also not there yet, because we're drawing out the reveal of which actor plays in everyone goes Pointing on is the same old man laughing which I do think is funny This is the thing all of the like better jokes in this So just like kind of lifts from top secret or airplane that kind of like Zucker Abramsucker sort of metier

Right and they do sort of possible impressions of that one is that or physical comedy. It's funny They do sort of passable impressions of that one. Is that a physical comedy? It's funny. Everything else? Dog shit. And the effort gets so much lower each time, and now we're here at rock bottom. So, Austin in the present has to go to 1979.

And last time, there was a time machine in a car, a VW Beetle, which I sort of went off about. Now, it's a pimple-mobile. Smashing basil, a pimple mabeel. Oh, I don't know if any of you remember the movie, Live and Let Die. The most racist bond movie. But that features Felix Leiter using the word

pimple mabeel as a slur, like to indicate that Felix was racist. Was white at this point. Yeah. This is before he lost his likes and became black. If you remember. And then gay and then white and then black. But before after he was gay the first time.

Yeah. Was that the one where he was talking about soup? No, that was different. Felix has had some lives, huh? Felix is like the doctor. He just kind of goes out. Yeah, had some lives, huh? Felix is like the doctor. He just kind of comes up. Yeah, haha. But so.

Still think the funniest bit, this is of the funniest bit of no time to die, was when Felix is dying and Donald Craig goes, we've got three harder things on this, and I just went, yeah, remember that time you lost your legs to a shark? Yeah. To be my brother, you just fucking said. In my head, he said that.

The same way Ray Fine said, come to an escape. I just like that. LAUGHTER But so... That's a bond. Yeah. I'm a James Bond. So Austin activates the time machine.

And the Pimp reveal starts, like, rocking on hydraulics, like a low rider, which is a different thing from a different part of the, it's completely different. This is about the level of cultural sensitivity we're going to be pitched out here. This is kind of what like what a white, British spy person would build given this brief. Sure, that's true, but I don't want to give this movie credit. No, no, I don't think that's deliberate at all. For anything. And so he goes back to New York City in 1970-something in the Pimp Outfit from the movie The Mac.

I don't know, I just think they're getting that coat for this live show. Yeah, to be fair, it would have gone off. I had a brief thing about it. Actually, what a British podcast has idea of being culturally sensitive as... I looked in a mirror and I was like, probably not. Yeah, better not. At which point, you go into the club and Beyonce. Beyonce is on stage performing. The Beyonce.

Yeah, like actually like that fucking reaction gift, which is like, Beyonce? So what? Beyonce hits this movie, like, Seinfeld hit those taxes. Oh, I was like, I was impacted so hard, I changed gender. I don't know for the nine one heads.

Nice to give you something. The thing about Beyonce is she is blonde and American, and so therefore, you put in the comprise an acquisition. That was the two things. That's right. I guess the problem is, like, I was struck by this thought watching Beyonce on stage.

She's not in credit as as Beyonce. It's Beyonce, no, she didn't even have the mononym yet. And, you know, if you don't have the mononym yet, when you're headed for a mononym. If you don't have the mononym, you're basically shit. Yeah. It's basically over for you. But the thought occurred to me, if Beyonce hadn't secured

the bag, she might still be doing this. Ffff. Like, yeah, this is a glimpse since like the other timeline. Yeah, where Beyoncé was just having to do this kind of shit. If she hadn't, like, hit the big Becum Beyoncé button?

Hmm. Anyone knows where that is? Jeremy Corbyn refuses to hit. The Becum Beyoncé button. And fair enough. Actually, yeah. Yeah, I can see how that could be problematic. But Beyoncé is here.

She's playing the character of Foxy Clear Patra. Yeah, Foxy Brown Clear Patra Jones to like sports Asian heroines, and smashed together. She sings a song called Gold Member as Gold Member arrives, played by Mike Myers. Yes, and if you don't know what Gold Member's deal is... LAUGHTER Can't be, buddy. I am from Holland.

Isn't that the... LAUGHTER That's basically it. That's the bit. For the whole movie. They know. They say that almost verbatim, like three or four times in the film, they named the movie after this character. They were so confident.

They were so confident. They were so confident. They were so confident. This is the big breakout character, gold member. That's it. He's got a penis made of gold. He's from Holland. Yep.

And also they do this thing where they only, I think they kind of like tried it and then abandoned it where he like eats his own skin. I was like, what was that? There's so many aspects to Gold Member as a guy. It's like cut like two or three. Like, I always find Europe kind of a fun bit. But like, I just think about how this is a movie franchise for school bullies, like by and for.

Growing up Dutch in the UK in the 2000s must have been... Ooh. Must have been fucking miserable, not because of this movie just in general. Yeah, you're in Britain and you're Dutch. So he meets Beyonce and they do this scene that they've lifted from a piece of cello's comedy where she's...

Oh, I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one.

I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one.

I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like this one. I like to make it seem like he's having a conversation with Austin. And you do have a bunch of fun jokes with that. Nathan ain't sort of like serving quite frankly. Yeah, he fucking nails there. It's really good. It's a perfect joke. They set up the expectation and they keep subverting it. Like at one point he closes like his finger in a makeup mirror and Foxy Cleopatra goes, ouch, an on-s's up. And it's like, it's actually good,

which now I'm fucking furious to find out, but it's... I can think of two things to cancel this with. First of all, is that it ends with a gay joke, which is Nathan Lane trying to kiss Austin. And Beyoncé being like, the other thing is that Foxy Cleopatra's backstory is that Austin left her, he like jilted her.

Eight years ago. Now, Beyoncé. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but look, look at this man. And then you're just, just picture Beyoncé. From Beyoncé. You know what she looks like. It's Beyoncé.

He left her. That's not even the angle I'm taking. The angle I'm taking is when they film this movie, beyond say 20 years old. She was jailed today. When they filmed this. Yes. Oh yeah. She was 20. So when so he left, she was 12. Again, historical allegations. A lot of me and Nabokov has logged on. So Austin goes to rescue his dad, his dad, by the way, because he looks a bit like him, because they have the same glasses in common. It's Michael Cain.

It's Michael fucking Cain. Michael, my name, it's Michael Cain. Because Michael Cain did a series of movies about a cycle Harry Palmer, who is like, oh, a working class piece of shit. Yeah, someone's seen funeral in Berlin, it's bloody good. Well, they're a good series of movies. You know what, this isn't a good series of movies. But the vibe is that his dad Nigel is just like Austin Powers, again, like this is where he got it from, he's like a shagging, he's backstage, like he's like

shagging his four guards who are all 10 and 10 Smoketcha baddies. And I'm like, you couldn't come up with something more creative for like what his father is, like his father's Colin Firth and is just normal, wouldn't that have been fun? Like, I don't know, anything? No, and instead Michael Cain showed up to work and he was like, yeah, I will give you an hour and a half of Harry Palmer again. I will not put in any effort and I will collect my paycheck, goodbye, forever.

Which is, and that's okay. Yeah, that's a decent sort of thing. It hurts the movie, but who cares? The movie doesn't deserve it, you know? They do a bit where Austin and his dad have to communicate without alerting the guards as to what they're saying. So they use cockney rhyming slang

and the subtitles translate, but then the subtitles give up and just got a question mark. I didn't think that was quite funny. I thought I was wrong. Yeah, because English people were incomprehensible. I'm English. Yeah. I wrote this bit's racist,

because English brackets good. Yeah, correct, correct. At which point they get captured by Gold member and we have to be racist against see English, but it's good. Yeah, correct. Correct. At which point, they get captured by Goldmember, and we have to be racist against the Dutch, which is also good. Yep. Mine had say, he's European, that's the judge. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of fair game to be racist against the Dutch in the sense of, like, you know, P.O.V. you're an Indonesia in the 16th century.

Can't be, buddy. I am from Holland. He's not here. He from Holland. He's not here. He's... My nose is just like, what's the bit? He's just doing shit, and you're like... Yeah. The one bit he has that I like is that after he makes a reference,

he says the reference to himself. I think that was what I was in reference to, and I was like, that's one of the things that he does. But the movie tries to like, have its cake and eat it again, right? With the ultimate example of that, which is Nigel's line. There are only two things I can't stand in this world. See, remember? People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

That's actually my own ironic stance, though. That's right. But the thing is, I'll take people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, but not from a movie that did. Is this my twin sister? Her name's Peter. Yeah, that comes up quite a bit. If you have the ability to remember 10 minutes previously,

this movie will make you very angry. Yeah. Here's a list of gold fingers, bits. Number one, roller skating, obviously. Two, he's very flexible. Three, he eats the skin off of himself. Sure. Four, he keeps saying, poig, he goes like, poig, poig, poig.

Like a poig, poig. He does the references and then says it like weird time. Village people. Didn't mean for that to be so relaxed. Or greased by so much silence. Really, really, really. But that's that's so many bits. And then this comes to fruition.

He just breaks the break out character of the movie. They have been named after this man. Like this is the big online mind. It's got a new character, everybody. It's, uh. Oh, and his dick's made out of gold also. Yes, it's a genuine forgot that. That is like the thing that they like soft pedal.

Like the man has a golden penis. And this is like barely mentioned. Yeah. Right. If I had a golden penis, it would be like 90% of the things I talk about. Sick of this narrative, do you have to always disclose when you have a golden penis? It is weird, but he's a whole. Kissed out of it like 99.9% of women have the penis, but 0.1 in its gold. Yeah. So, uh, his dad gets kidnapped,

I don't want to get it. Yeah, and... Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Fucking incredible.

Thank you so much. Your chess queen's bit was the highlight of the month. I love that. Yeah. Someday I'll sell my style. I love that. Yeah. Someday I'll tell a joke. Oh, well, this is unlikely. Yeah, science point to know. The dad gets kidnaps.

He, Austin takes Foxy back to 2002. Does not mention 9-11 happened. Like, literally, like, this is the, you know, top of my life. Yeah, it's not the next scene, but like, he like, he fucks her, it's implied, like off screen. And then the morning after, he like shows her funny moments on YouTube, which is to be fair, a great seduction technique, right?

But like, even so, eh? Just doing edit the verse or extension. So I'm gonna fall off speech you. LAUGHTER Like the... This bit, when they're both in the card, this isn't the start of like a real issue for me, because they keep doing like shot, reverse shot

of Beyonce followed by Mike Myers. That's true. And every time I see him, Beyonce, I'm like, I'll say. And then it cuts to my Mars, but it's troubling. It's troubling. It's jarring. I know it's just shot reverse shot, but it's still jarring to me. The one soft fade him in every time. So I have enough time to be like, okay, it's coming. Starwipe. The one thing... Do something that isn't a starwipe. Yeah, the Austin Powers wipe. One thing I will say though something that isn't a starwip? Yeah, the Austin Powerswip.

One thing I will say though, Beyonce can't act yet. Yeah, but she's playing across from Mike Myers, so you don't really know this stuff. That's true. I think she's just fine. She's got like star power. She's got presence, which Mike Myers doesn't. But she hasn't hit the big, become Beyonce button yet.

So she can't really act. And it's like, she doesn't need to, she doesn't have like a character. But it like, I don't know, you see these, the scenes with them playing off of each other and it's just like, no, not really. Also, he takes it to the future on her hair straightens, which is curious. All right, so Dr. Evil,

been transferred to a regular prison. He's, he's, all right, so Dr. Evil been transferred to a regular prison. He's, he's, he's, he's wearing a prison outfit, which I could describe as racist. Um, he's wearing like a dorag tied around his head. Uh, it gets worse. No, no, it gets, it gets much worse. Yeah. Uh, it's like a bandana. No, he's doing, he's doing like a, uh, a crimson thing. Yes, he is, because he does see walk later.

Yes, he does. He's got the button up tied up with just the one button, things like this. Just again, like, three different things, actually. It's like, this is racist, but like, it's so confusing. It's like the Mr. Burns or the things trying to get through the door. I'm not even offended by this anymore,

because it's like, what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. Not that I should be offended by that. Very white. Fraulfer business shows up. I think you're an ally if you're offended by these things. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, anytime. I am also white. So I'm just saying, it's a conversation we're having with each other, you know? What's important is we both feel really good about it. Oh, yeah. The Wokest Podcast.

Let's go, boys. Yeah, what happens? Foul Fobus, now shows up, has a conjugal visit. She's dressing like it's not like a white trash outfit. It's terrible. They make out, which is playful laughs. But she slips in a handcuff key, is the vibe. Through kissing.

Sure. And we get a flashback of his childhood. He mentions casually that he was adopted. Uh-huh. And at this point, if you've ever seen the movie before, you know exactly what they're fucking going to do. Yeah. Oh, also, she tells him that his son, Scott, is becoming evil, to become more like him.

Which is like a cool sort of update, you know, like. So my character is going evil. I say, I say, I tries to orchestrate and escape amongst the other inmates. They go, no, and he wraps. It's a hard-knocked, like Dr. Evil version available on Spotify. Well, it was available on iTunes at the time, but... Yeah, yeah. You could get the soundtrack to this. Yeah.

They made a separate music video for this that was on MTV. Oh, get out of this costello in here, I think. Night two heads, thank you. And yeah, there's a couple of things that are like bafflingly racist about doing a parody of, like a rap video when you are Mike Myers. And when you're assisted by Vern Troyer. But what this culminates in

is a joke about bitches that has a pun on prison bitches, and then we cut to like two ostensibly male prisoners, and it's wearing mobs as wigs and rouge. It's real bad, folks. And it's worse knowing that it's like, I feel worse about this than the like,

it's a man, baby shit, because this is like, in service of another racist joke. Like, it's sort of like an ingredient in a more racist stew, you know? It's generally getting to point what if they do a single joke for dissonnt racist? Even if the joke's bad, I'm like, thank you. Yeah, well done, thank you for,

you know what we call that growth. So they escape. They do like a spotlight bit with the guard towers, which is funnier than the fucking rap video bit. They could have just done that, but they don't. Um, it's not, none of it is. I'm trying to give it like remedial credit to be like,

it's funny. It's, yeah, it still, it's almost funny. I also bet you're not being offensive. That's true. It's not mean it is funny. It's just, it's just a vote will shit. But then, you know what, we've got to get the mole guy back. Everyone's favorite.

Everyone's favorite guy, he comes back and is like, hey Austin and Beyonce, wow, hi Beyonce. I'm going to update for you. Please don't comment on the moral on my face, but Dr. Reval has moved his organization to... A disputed area between Japan and Russia. They go known as Japan. That's it.

Tokyo, in fact. Yeah. Fucking Japan. Baselite station goes in and goes, we've got a mole in Dr. Reval's layer. And at this point point I go, ah, and then it comes out on stage and Austin goes, you've got a mole on your face and he goes, yes.

That's the fucking mole. The joke is that he's trying not to say it, and it's like the whole thing. It's like a mole, mole. And it's like, but you're not trying that hard, not to say the thing, and also the thing isn't something that would occur to most people now, I feel like. Like it's noticeable, but that's just like a shitty thing to say. I quite like the Beyonce reacts like that.

Beyonce's just like, yeah, she's a real genuine moment of what? Yeah, she forgot to act and she just did that like personally. Yeah, yeah. She comes out as in great. It's great. The old fucking movie. Like morally. Obviously she looks great. Of course, sorry, sorry, ridiculous. The scene she first appears is phenomenal. So, so Dr. Rival has moved to a submarine off of Japan.

And, you know, he does a bunch of jokes, some of which are funny. There's a physical comedy, a bit regent, globe, lands on his head. And I'm like, yeah, that's pretty funny. But at the end of it, he doesn't get a laugh, and he goes, tough sub. Thank you. LAUGHTER

Me in Accident and Emergency. LAUGHTER I'm sorry. Me and accident in emergency. What? At three in the morning with a tea towel on this rest going, yeah, cheers. I said I was sorry. They said they were safety shoes as well. You just got to be careful with these fucking things, you know? Yeah, yeah, this has been here every night. This is like a cable tie.

There's a threat. Next to me, because I'm warning. Anytime you want me to move on from a bit, you're just like, oh, shit. She's okay. Come on, ask, I know you. I know you know how to break out of a cable tie. Come on. This isn't even a very good one.

No, I know. You gotta get the red out to it Just to see if I can do that. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough.

It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough.

It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. It's not even long enough. Sorry, this is completely. And if you're listening to this after the fact fuck you, try to make it to Trenton. Pause the loud the relationships in this podcast. Let's spend the rest of the podcast to the rest of the podcast. Actually, I can't handle it.

Chained us out to a microphone. You're a fused to stop podcasting. So Dr. Evil is at this point wearing the strongberg fit. He's become wet Dr. Evil. And as a consequence of this,. He's become wet, Dr. Evel. And as a consequence of this, he's also become homophobic. Like, when you're a sea, you have to become homophobic. It's like in the international laws of the sea

that you have to start saying things like... I don't think that something one dude should say to another dude. Because Gold member like hits on him or something. Goldmer is like a toyed like a toy girl. Yes. Which is one of his bits. Yes, it's in fact the same line. It's actually the same line.

If you look closely, it's a recurring bit. Did you say the same thing? Yeah, it's just to make a just the same bit. It's like a humbush line. Something that's funny, I don't know. So Nigel's been captured, he comes in. He tries to break out. There's a kind of funny bit where he's like, I've done this so many times, I don't know. So Nigel's been captured, he comes in, tries to break out. There's a kind of funny bit where he's like,

yeah, I've done this so many times, I don't even need to hit anyone. You can just tell guys to lie down. Yeah, I do quite like this, because the guy was also around and we goes, right, the way this way says, you come at me one at a time and I'll take you out and they do it and he takes them out.

Then the final guy is there and he's just like, come on, you've got no chance. You don't even have a name, you're an unnamed character. Like, he goes, why don't you just lie down on the floor, son? And he does it. I did quite like it. This is my favorite bit.

Like, Michael Cain does sell it. Like, my favorite bit in this scene is unintentional. But number two, Robert Wagner, is still in the movie. And he just comes up and helps Dr. Evel at one point and just stands there for a bit. And then later on, you just see him just like leaving. Just like, oh my god. I was like, God, he wishes he could fucking do that from this point. at one point and just like stands there for a bit and then later on you just see him just like leaving God he wishes he could fucking do that from this

Just roll, I can't get dejectedly walking away like So so mini me takes Nigel to a sell and at which point we find out that Nigel powers is a little person chaser And I'm gonna explain this because the dynamic dynamic should be, you know, this should be... Oh, are you, it was very familiar. Because as soon as he gets alone with him, he's like, I think it's terrible the way they treat you. Can I see your penis? It, they don't get to do a you deserve respect bit to a little person after spending a movie in a half doing like rude jokes about little people

and then immediately thereafter doing a disrespectful joke. It's like, this is gonna come back a lot. You just, you don't get to do that. No. No. Great portrayal of like ordinary British authority then. Just been like, show me the penis. Like, you deserve more than anything. It's more like you're getting less. Let's situation that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you deserve more than you're getting. What's going on in the thing?

Let's situation that. Yeah. What you got down there. A British authority figure would never say the first part. But so, uh, uh, Minnie Meagot's groomed, because he does show him his dick. And the, the joke is that Minnie Meagot has a very large penis, just by being a very small man. Uh-huh. Fine, whatever.

And, yeah, the Nigel sort of begins to groom him. It's unbelievable. It's like, Jenn, he j- the line reads. He's like, co-located. He goes, just because you're 1-8th, that size, you shouldn't get 1-8th, the respect, the- so is all of you in proportion or like? That's literally it! Genuine.

My DM request, the nicer after one of these, I thought you were so funny what that dick do. Not much. Leave me alone. Leave me alone heads in the audience. I make up for it in other areas. Tough sub. So Austin and Foxy go to Japan because they have to go to Japan. At this point, I was like, oh, okay, we introduced those two Japanese women early on the twins.

They're going to come back because they're like, secretly spies, right? They were trying to tell them some secret information. They were really, no, they're never American. Unmedicated ADHD script writing. They were just like, it's gone. Next thing. And yeah, they go, they kind of lead to go to a sumo match fight. Yeah, of course.

Of course. It's tradition. And I mean, like not to go to your piers about this shit, but isn't sumo like a legit, like religious observance? Yeah, isn't this meant to be an important thing? Yeah and what it's been defiled by is Mike Myers number three. Yeah because this franchise hasn't established very large character in it. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I'm dead, sexy! Look at my sexy body! It's Mike Myers in a fat suit, his name's fat bastard. He does a terrible Scottish accent Guy from the second one from the second Yeah, yeah, the joke is that he's launch. Yeah, and he's he's just doing some sumo stuff Yeah, that guy is on stage of interacting with that's a real shinto priest man like you're doing sumo You He grabs a guy by the cock through the fucking, that you can't do that, it's too hard. It's not going to be a promicory experience.

It's going to be like, sumo is inaccurate, but it's pretty inaccurate. When you say it's too hard, do you mean the cock? Like, I mean, sum, rock, cart, and region. It's made of gold. No comment, Irrana. He comes out and everyone booze and it's like,

there's not really supposed to be like heels. It's. Yeah, it's Japanese wrestling, right? No, no. Wrestling is also very big in Japan. You could have just done that. It's like, it's single coming. I was like, fuck that guy.

Yeah. And that's what you do, I'm like, God, I'm happy to be wrong. But yeah, so at this point, Beyonce helps Austin infiltrate the back rooms of the Sumo joint. We got that bastard back, so you know what we're doing is shit. Yes, yeah.

We're doing a joke where she wears a traditional Japanese outfit, which I'm not even sure is that racist? How is that racist in which direction? Yeah, yeah. I need to see a picture of it now. How do I identify that? Not in the age of white women. She's wearing a straw hat. And she's not a postcard on that one.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, she's pushing a laundry basket which the dudes dumped the loincloths in. They keep growing the loincloths diapers which they're not like, you know. Also, they come out as like one big thing because they're like fake props and as I understand it, they're like actually quite intricately wrapped.

Yeah, we're gonna spend the next hour talking about the exact ways this got sumo wrong. Um, I would He didn't eat that bastard didn't throw any salt like the it doesn't fuck it on to the gods I'm also you could have had a joke with somebody throwing salt and then swap us is doing and then we see that he's throwing on chips Like come on! I just don't remember the top of my head! It's better than anything in this! Yeah! Yeah! We do, what feels like about five more hours of jokes about how a fat bastard shits a lot.

Yeah. Um, uh, Austin briefly in hails a sumo line cloth. And then we do some wire-fighting jokes, because crouching tiger and the matrix were like current when this came out. And the joke is fat bastard because he's fat needs like a giant team of dudes to hold the wire that he's wire-fiting off of.

But the wire-fiting goes wrong. He gets stuck in a sort of like suspension-bondage situation. Taff-sub. Thank you. Every time I do one of these, I zero in on which one is going to be the drop that I come back to. Um, so like, first night was going to be... I'm English. Second night was... Oh!

And now I know that night three is Taffsub. Taffsub. So... Now I know that night three is toughsub. Toughsub. So. So, Beyonce holds this man at gunpoint and says, please tell us the next location. She steps on him and he tries to lick her shoe. Now, two things, two things, right? One, he just like me, right?

Yeah, of course. Of course, of course. Other thing, this is one of a couple of times. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Does anyone have like an spray nozzle for like a bottle of sparkling water? Just like, I filled it full of the silicone loop that makes this outfit work.

I know what you keep your spray bottle. So, but no, this is one of a couple of times where she gets treated like a sex object by the movie in like a really demeaning way. And the movie is just like, ah, isn't it funny to be honest? So it's just like beautiful. It's like, well, not kind of, I guess. Like, it's funny if the joke is he's a horny piece of shit.

Fine, I've made tons of those jokes. That's like, I got 49,000 followers off of doing that one joke, right? But like, I don't know000 followers off of doing that one joke, right? But like, I don't know. When you do the like sort of exploitative shot up a leg and stuff, it's like, you know, it's fine when we do it. And Fabasta tries to be sympathetic. Yeah, they do the faux-profounding from the last movie again. He's like, I'm unhappy because I'm fat and it's like, yeah, okay, fine. This comedy movie that sort of puts the light of that

because you keep making jokes about him being a fat piece of shit. And then you're immediately gonna undercut that with another joke about him being a fat piece of shit. Maybe he's unhappy because he's making fun of him, I'm sorry. And yeah, he, and like Hollywood still makes this movie. He basically does the plot of the whale followed by a fart noise.

Down our asses, it's a very good film maker. He still makes this movie. He basically does the plot of the whale followed by a fart noise. Down our off to you. He's a very good filmmaker. Very much enjoy all of his work. The other thing is, he gets a line that's like, I'm quite into my sumo right now. That would have been a legitimately better character out of you.

Yeah, I'm just honest, he's doing it. Yeah, I'm like the touch and ocean of this shit. If it was an edit of the whale'm like the touch and ocean of this shit. I'm just like... If it was to do an edit of like the whale post, the touch and ocean to that bastard, that would fucking bang on like 2008, Twitter maybe. So... You have to go back in time and do that bit on the screen. And then, Ben. Twitter.

I think it was around 2008. Thank you. Thank you, Elon, for joining us. I'm a horrible thing to say to any audience member. Thank you, Elon, for joining us. LAUGHTER A horrible thing to say to any audience member. Erm... At which point, we see Scott again, and last time we saw Scott was in the post-credits scene

of the last movie where he was wearing, like, eyeliner and lipstick and he was going for a femboy. And this... Just wait, no more again. Yeah, and this time, he started boarding, and again, if you... If that happens, you just start finaster right, you know Star finaster I get a hair transplant your podcast you'll be better than ever Now that I've said that it's retroactively a business expense

So Scott has kind of stepped up to the evil plate He has finally obtained some sharks with lasers, which of course, Dr. Evil wants to come the first one. And Dr. Evil is finally like proud of him. And they have a moment of like reconciliation, which of course makes Minimi jealous. Crucially, none of this is funny. No.

Yeah, they forgot to put any jokes in this scene. So I have a draw for this. That is not funny. Yes. And then we need to go to the next location because Fat Bastard tells them that the track to beam is being built for Doctor Evil by a Japanese man. Yeah, what's that dude's name?

His name is Mr. Roboto. They do it immediately. Like they don't even lie in the next scene. He's like, oh, my name is Mr. Bottle and I'll say, tomorrow I got to Mr. Roboto. Yes, yeah, at least they don't sort of like set it up for like five minutes, like the mole jokes, but still.

And they do some gags with like the subtitles of the Japanese that he's speaking. They're like obscured by an object and they exist in the world and Austin can't see what he's saying. So it's like he thinks he's saying please eat some shit. But they explain it. Like they explain it! We can see it! We see it, we see it, we see it, it's obscured. And then Beyonce moves it and she goes,

no, no, no, he was saying, please have some shittake mushrooms. And I'm like, yes. I'm there. I've got it, I've got it already. And then the next time it happens, he walks over to some shirney, says some fucking, I don't fucking even bother.

And she says it, she explains it again, and I'm like, yes. Mm-hmm. I can read if you cut out all of the, like, explaining the joke, you could maybe have, I'm not gonna say you have a good movie, but what you would have is like 60 minutes of television. I have some fun trivia for this. Oh, no you should.

Yes, I do. It's not gonna be fun to me. I'm gonna be upset by it Oh, no you should. Yes I do. It's not gonna be fun to be. I'll say it by it. The original cast of this movie, it brought back, it brought back felicity from movie two. It brought back Mustafa from movie one and two. Release the Mustafa cut. LAUGHTER

Yeah, having to like yonder of skis, yonder of gold, but then it's also three hours long. No! How did they stretch that there's not enough for 90 minutes? Three hours long. Three hours, if I had the original cut of this. Avatar 2 level lane. Yeah.

Well the reason no time to die, Link. Yeah. Well, the reason why it's three hours long is because as a theory I've been developing over the course of these episodes, people stop being able to say no to Mike Myers as he gets more successful. And so they stop being able to say no, take that joke out. No, don't do that. End the movie here.

We need less musical numbers, Mike. Yes. Yeah. Know your band can't be in it. Know your band can't be in it. Know your friends can't be in it. But at this point, he just gets everything he wants because they think it's going to make a shitload of money. And the result is it gets cut off at a later date when someone sees the edit and is like, that's three hours long.

It's like a car for film. Uh-huh. But crucially, someone looked at this and was like, that's three hours long. It's like, that's like a flop of film. Uh-huh, but crucially, someone looked at this and was like, you got to cut, like, an hour and a half out of this movie. Not the Japanese twins bit, though, that stays. Because I really liked that, you know? It was just them explaining the joke, like, another, like, eight times.

It's the whole movie. Yeah, I did you get it. What we did though was, you thought that she salt told him to fuck off, but you get it? What we did though was you thought that she's told him to fuck off, but actually it was her name. So Mr. Tanaka from You only lived twice, whose name has been changed to a racist joke, doesn't tell them anything.

They leave making the scene pointless. There is one joke here, which is like a top secret joke, which is, he says, I think he's lying to us, Beyonce says, tell me something I don't know and he says, I think he's lying to us. Beyonce says, tell me something I don't know. And he says, I have a math kiss to horse once. And once, you know what's great about that punch line? There's one of it. It doesn't come back.

They don't go, you kissed a horse one time? I kissed a horse one time. No, it just, it's there and it's gone. To be fair, not to them, but to me. They do explain that one again. They do, in fact, explain it a bit. Do you actually? Yeah, no. They go, what? And he goes, that one again. They do, in fact, explain it a bit. Actually? Yeah, they really? They go, what? And he goes, that's something you don't know.

Oh, Chris. God, damn. But that's... What? That's... But you don't have to do... It's like a serial killer bit for jokes. LAUGHTER Mr. Editor, I give you all the clues.

LAUGHTER Too many, in fact. Oh, this neat last page. This neat backstage, there's a bit of Austin Piss' Oh please. Too many, in fact. So this neat backstage. This neat backstage, there's a bit of Austin Piss' in a fountain, it's not funny. Yeah, my note for this is it's hard to piss. And it's like, I wrote fuck you.

Yeah. It's like piss is fine, you know, with the right person. I don't think it's like Tough serve I don't we haven't got a piss We haven't got enough of a piss Top five bodily fluids Yeah, after like limps after Come spit

Limp and then lift your cup. Do you become angiers on that list? No. Bluff comes spit tears. Bluff comes spit tears. Squirt. Oh. LAUGHTER

It's distinct for... All right. All right, do you do what? What? What are you looking for here? I don't know how to segue from that to what I was going to say earlier, which is we haven't got enough use out of... Careful, Whitey!

And also, of course. Careful, Whitey! Both of which we have on here and we're like... To be fair to it, there's been about 50 racist jokes that we've done thus far. Oh, that's so bad for all of it. We've done. LAUGHTER

I mean, the weakling out in the edit. The wrong fruit. Sure, right. Yeah. So summarizing, Sliny, they've got a backstage. Gold members about to smelt a Michael Cain. Yeah, penis-wise. Like a gold-fingue kind of.

Yeah, Michael Cain hits on Beyonce, which you're all enough to be her grandfather at this point, Luke. Yes, yeah, optimistic, apart from anything else, let's say. And he did a gold member escapes with the like key to activate the fucking thing, at which point we got a shitty car chase. And I write down how much did Mini and Jaguar and AOL

Hynacom and Virgin Atlantic chip in for this it's endless The fucking mini the mini comes on has got a union jack You I accidentally hit hatecrime.wav, which... You never want to hate hatecrime.wav! I'm like, you can't just put a union jack on something that's not the same as writing a joke. Good luck on that one, I'll know that down. Again, if you're watching this after the fight, fuck you. Who would do such a thing? Sorry, just started going to the lesbian dot.

I have come to embrace the love that don't speak its name. Thank you. So, yeah, there's a car chase with low cars because Japan. They do a week has Godzilla joke. A charm under his head. I thought that might be what I wrote, you to no I've wrote fuck you second time Mainly that I see you. It's just like all my nose. It's just fuck you. Yeah. I'm like God what happened in this movie I got my character really made an impact on you didn't

Careful white thing Yeah! Yeah! Careful, watch it! I like how this half of the audience got that, and then there was a clear beat beat, and then you guys got it! So they escape, right? A government escapes into the sub disappears, and Austin and his dad have to have a profound argument about parenting, because you know, it's a movie about it's about sons and fathers It's you know, it's a real thing. It's also interrupted by the fact that Michael Cain says the word rodeo like this This ain't my first rodeo

Sure I will not do a second take Slightly a feminine Michael came there. I will not do a second take. We're supposed to cut the bloody balls off. See, I felt bad about that one. I was like, that's, that's hack. Alright, hold on.

When I try and find my balls for God's sake. Me getting out of this. It's like zero, zero. But sorry, sorry. It's a long time looking, you know. So, my eyes... Fucking tries to sell you on like, oh, it's sad, because he like he, his dad was trying to be his friend

instead of his father. It's an orc, he had some knee-joke folks. Oh, it's just good, it's funny. I have fun with my friends, I don't know. Was it a crime, no? Uh, shortly. We hit the joke, there we go. I completely forgot another one of Goldman was bits, by the way.

He never does this bit again, which is when he's in first introduced. He's like a schmok in a pancake. Fuck, that's the best bit he does as well. It literally is. A cigarette in a flapjack. A cigarette in a flapjack. Yeah, Dutch people like smoking something and eating like a pastry. Fine, that's funny. I'll laugh at that. I don't respect myself.

Do they? I don't know. No. I don't know. I don't know. This is not a democracy. What are you doing? What are we doing here? The life of this world is but a veil of an illusion. Yeah, hang on, I'm trying to find it.

I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing. Just enjoy it. That goes for you. Thank you. Beautiful. Ella, come out in the other. It's like... Highten that up, like a toiger.

Now you have to leave it in fuck. I'm village people so yeah, this is so shit and so insincere that it's like Oh, yeah, I would like you to like have a serious sort of like emotional core to this movie because I think I can carry that off and Do my band and rap and do all the jokes that I want to do carrying emotional core to this movie He's so wrong because he can't or the jokes that I wanted to carry an emotional quarter this movie. He's so wrong because he can't. Beyoncé is just there. She hasn't gotten any directions even. She's just reacting to stuff as Beyoncé. It's just like, well, like she's doing great.

Yeah, like she's so good. I want to say about Beyoncé. She is Beyoncé very well. The best I would say. Very strongly. Much and much. More and more every day. So in particular, they do disagree about which tactics to use in breaking into Dr. Evil's sub and they decide to go their separate ways, which is very... Yes.

...I'm devastated. At which point, many me defects because he's been like, he has a grievance with his dad, with his clone, with himself. And we get another fight scene of Mike Myers beating the shit out of Vern Troyer in like a sort of comedy of Error's Way, it sucks. There is nothing much to say about it, other than the fact that at the end of it,

we do some more... Moogai, Moogai. Yeah, the Moogai is back in her room. You know, Vern Troyer gets to go to the Moolga. Yeah, the molga. You're gonna try to get to go to the molga. Yeah, do it very easily. He's a thing like song now. It's like, I can't. So having de facto, they make many, many look like a mini-Austin, which...

And then the other thing... Yeah, they give him some agency for the first time in the movie by allowing him to sexually harass Beyonce. A couple of times. He like hands her some notes with like, you know, a baudi postcard sexual harassment. Well, the first one is, it says, you are so beautiful, are you a clone of an angel?

Which is like quite sweet. And they should have left it there. Oh, they should have left it there. They should have left it there. It would have been funny if Mini-Me is more charming than Austin is, but then he has to be crude about it. I'd be like, you want to fuck or whatever. Yeah, the joke is, you have a little clone in you and do you want to. It sucks.

Yeah, no, that's the level we're on. They do the Arthur Asky-Voldel-I-Thank-You thing and it's fucking explicitly. And it's like, yeah, there's a reason why we don't do music or comedy anymore. It's because I'm old. I mean, the series didn't get the fucking memo on that one. Yeah, the reason why we don't do music or comedy anymore is because all of the people who did it

were murdered by Jack the Ripper, apart from one who escaped to do this movie in the persona of Mike Myers. Yeah, Mitch Ben. The last one alive, still doing musical concerts. Not some me, that one time I came out as my sexual... LAUGHTER And then immediately I was like,

No. Three songs to come out as a sexual one. I need a bigger one, we do it. It's fine, you can get your band in the next one. So... It's just awesome, it's awesome, it's you, you can get a band in the next one. Um. So... It just allows me to meet you, like, interstitial cards just right of your face. I'm not really sure about that. Just realizing all the shit about why would you, like, cast your friends in your videos?

I just do that. Yeah. Cast me. It's my self. Yeah, who did that voice work, anyway? Not me. But so, uh, that voice work anyway? Not me. Yeah, but so, uh, gov, what happens next? The submarine car, Doctor Evil goes the world to ransom.

Yeah, he like, he blackmailes the world and, uh, fucking... Is he Osborne? Oh, yeah, there's one thing, there is one thing, which is... Ah! So, so, before we get there, I, uh, I do have one note, which is I put a cross in the Dr. Evil trans column because he just says offhandedly about a joke. I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl, thank you. Which annoying jokes.

Whatever. Bad relationship with this family. Explicitly shaved scrotum. It all makes sense. That's a trans woman, baby. I mean, we get two flashbacks, and he's a boy in both of them. Yeah, okay, don't... I don't want to be rude at all. I'm not giving him fucking problems, but I... He literally doesn't even laugh that hard before that fucking joke.

Yeah, that's true. He laughs like medium amount. Um... Sorry, that was the only... That's quite a deep reason. That was the only one I could do. That was the only one I could do. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really.

That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really. That was the only one I can't do really.

That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do.

That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't do. That was the only one I can't funny. I apologize. Yeah. Because you're never having like, this movie's so good. No! No, what are you gonna do about you? It's fine. Do some Voyager Plague bits. You know, they love that shit. Um, so... I mean, I was sure I got like five more in me. LAUGHTER

So... They shouldn't have said a golden record, or they should just send like, King Crim record or they should have just sent like, King Crimson up there. LAUGHTER Like, he's like, OK. They infiltrate the fucking base as what happens next. They do a racist joke about Beyoncé's afro like popping out when it dries.

Beyoncé looks good in a scuba suit. That's true. Which is an incredibly difficult piece of clothing to look good in. Yeah, new ultimate Abbey fantasy dropped, scuba diving with Beyoncé. Mm. I love you. I leave you to that one. I know this, bro.

I'll give it five weeks. Yeah. Oh, she's writing it down. She... We have... We don't have to talk about the Aussie bit a little. Yeah, yeah. They, like, in order to threaten the UN,

Dr. Evil pulls a satellite that looks like a pair of tits out of the sky. In the previous movie, they had done that with a rocket that could dick and balls. And they had done the joke. That looks like an enormous dick. And then it cuts to a guy who's like, doesn't that look like an enormous penis?

And so on. For like 25 minutes, right? This time. Maybe that's what the joke, that's why it was three hours long this time It was just like a stew at Lee, like a stew at Lee bit, it just went on for an hour. I think that might have been good Maybe a watch like two hours ago, but like this is you would have like trauma bonded to You would have had like Stockholm syndrome from it, but yeah, so back around Okay, what we do instead is we we at the staff are like here cuts in You would have had like Stockholm syndrome from it. But yeah, so... Get the phone back around.

What we do instead is we... At the staff, I've written things. It looks like it cuts in. And instead, you get Aussie Osborne. Well, these are the same fucking jokes I did in the last asking period movie. Which... If I...

If I look at Tom Cruise... Sounded like he was on Kwaylood's. Jesus Christ. There's outtakes of this in the credits. I didn't put any drops because they're all just like, oh, it's just, you know, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it took him so long to get one line.

One take out of Ozzy Ozborn. Sharon Ozborn is also there. Yeah, also Jack Ozborn, also present. The daughter whose name I don't recall also present Thank you. Yeah But this is this is where we get to the the core of this movie is me which is doing a bad joke and then going That was a bad joke wasn't it? He's not the same as not having done a bad joke. No, it's actually worse Yes

It's so good. Show's in fact. Yes. Malice of Fort Worth. Exactly. That becomes my first degree doing a bad joke at Apple. That's a premediated bad joke. Yeah. They do some more physical comedy.

The joke of which is, Minimi and Austin Powers infiltrate the sub together and they have to stand on each other's shoulders, but it's Minimi doing the legs. That's funny. For a minute, it goes on for five. And then they do the silhouette joke from the second movie again, where it looks like

it's Austin Powers' dick is like, you know, throwing him an apple and pointing and shit, but it's actually mini me's hand, and I want to die. I also, do you want to do like a murder suicide? Oh, Kiljay just wanted to come out. Never a back lunch, smart. That was just for her. Oh no, no, I was so far. It's a direct reference to a back-oon tweet, I think.

Yeah. Google are bad, Dwyer. Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not. Yeah, don't say that at all. As well, just to make sure. Yeah, it's like for videos first. Google are bugs, Dwight. Do not do much good, or what? Yeah, don't say that at all. Just to make sure. Yeah, look for videos first. Um, that's right.

So awesome. This is the ideal audience response. It's like silence. Oh, gosh. Yes, the reaction we wanted our company live show is fear. Yeah, that's why you wore the outfit. Step one, get on the stage, step two, establish dominance. We'll advertise that.

And, you know, step three, applause, right? Easy. I didn't realize we could just ask for it. Oh, no, no, no, no. We're not asking we're telling. Don't. I have to work with these two. I think that's the hottest thing you've ever done. Good audience. I'd be really turned on if I had the room. The first three rows may get the way.

The Alice Toppark starts now live on stage. Thank you. We're going insane. It's been three nights of this. Yes, I don't want to. We're nearly there, we're nearly at the end. I know, I know. There's still more, there's still last night.

We're nearly there. Austin powers his captured again. Yeah, they reuse the joke about reusing jokes. Doctor Evil gets another song. No, it's not having Donald Joe. That's it. Yeah, beyond the sea. He's like dancing to it, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, It's all happening here. It's all crammed into one thing. And that's the art of screen rising. How would this have been three hours? Oh, I know. Austin is about to kill Dr. Evil with a fucking gun,

which I welcome it, please. What a great ending. Yeah, just like... Done. Over. Movie and Carrie Fisher shows up. Go home. You know. It's a gritty post-911 reboot. I really want to see the gritty post-911

Austin Powers reboot. Well, not to worry, man, the second one is, yes, considerably, baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The opener is in black and white like a sicker. Austin Powers beating Dr. Evil to death in a bathroom. Smashing his head off the scene. But so, as he's about to shoot him, Nigel has dad steps in front of him and is like, It's me, Mr. Powers, the author of all you pain. Do you remember at the end of all you paint. LAUGHTER Do you remember at the end of Austin Powers 2,

when you did a joke about how it's a hack joke to do, I am your father, like Star Wars did? Well... Do you know how it's a hack joke to do and you're secretly brothers all along? Another thing, the Bond franchise. I was just... I was just... I'm ironically just did, Inspector., the Bond franchise. I was so dead!

I'm ironically just dead, Inspector. No time to die, maybe the whole time. Should be paying gold member fucking royalties. I still can't believe they did that. The author of all your pain was... The author of all your pain was my brother all along. And he goes to see him in the prison. In the prison. Just see him in the prison

Just imagine if in the next James one for when Amazon remake it they'd like blowfills been cloned but he's wanted So one who's just seen goldmember watching a second movie like But so so Nigel goes, no, you're secretly brothers, you're all along, we intercut some old footage of Michael Cain to make it seem like they were like, you know, he was there at the time, and he was young, and they got blown up in an accident that killed them, and separated it, or like after, or whatever the fuck. What I do love is the Velastica.

LAUGHTER Manila was so close. So nearly that. What the last time we had... No, there. So nearly there. So close. The last time we... No, no! That is wrong! The last time we did the flashback thing, which is very funny, when Doctor was talking about his adopted father, he refers to a Belgian man and his 15-year-old love slave with webbed

feet found to me, raised me as their own. Just like European. It's a good joke. European, yeah. Absolutely. Any joke was just like Euros bit, fuck, isn't it? I'm just like, yeah, it is. Let me joke the English bit.

Let me buddy, I am from Holland. It is weird. It's weird. And of course, they share a border with the Dutch. So at this point, I'm just saying, Oh, great. So at this point, I'm just saying, Oh, great! Isn't this magical? Because the movie really does try and be profound here.

And you get the thing, like, honest to God, like Austin gets like a legit monologue, which a nine... A 19-year- old on Tumblr would caption Austin Powers says trans rights because What Austin Powers says is you can spend your whole life trying to win your parents acceptance believe me But at the end of the day you've just got to do it for yourself, baby No, no, no, no.

Not taking that from the movie that gave me fuck me and fuck you. No, thank you. Yeah, no, no. And it really means it, too. That's the saddest thing about this. Also, not taking this from a movie that has been more homophobic than the previous one. Yes, literally. When it comes this bullshit, I did my lines become a father in real life.

Yes, he did. Why? I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I should all stimp out, I was trying to do a sensitive father bit. Oh, God. He'd make him fucking put something to talk.

LAUGHTER It was his toxic treasure. So they do some more fucking music called bits, right? If I can, Dr. Evil turns good, we learn his, like, real name is Doug, which is a maple loop joke because Mike Meiser's Canadian. What? I'm sorry to tell you this, you know, so they should have to tell you if they're Canadian, but they really don't, and there's no word. I'm sorry to tell you this, you know, so I they should have to tell you if they're Canadian, but

they really don't and there's no way. He can't have such a nice Canadian at the back. That's kind of fuck you. Foxy Cleopatra is also present. She's there. She's taken hostage. She's got somebody else to be. She's also present. The fucker the movie is named after. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Get your plastic gold member and I'm like, Oh! Oh, remember? Very, yes. And he goes, no, I'm gonna do the blowing up the earth thing.

Yeah, yeah. And it's got the stuff. Scott evil like runs away because he's like, no, I remember the rest of this movie. There is one bit that is slightly funny where gold members up on a catwalk and as he's defeated, I think Foxically a patch like throws him off, and we think he's gonna fall in the shark tank, and they go,

and then they cut, and he's just landing right next to it. That is good to me. Yeah. That is quite funny. He also dies like Yantle, which is fun. Because you know what, that's good. Because they do set up, and then they do a reminder. Because, first guy, fucking Mr. Roboto, by the way, Mr. Roboto, he's dead. I'm sorry.

If anyone was a side-order robot, they threw him in the sharks with freaking laser beams on their freaking heads. Yeah, cool. And then later, they dropped the track to be in activation, which, by the way, it's shaped like a dig. They dropped that in a goldmember before, and he doesn't hit that. He gets electric uses. We've been talking about this for like an hour and a half, but every time I go He dropped that in that and then Goldman B4s and he doesn't hit that. Yeah. You get like, gets electrocuted. We've been talking about this for like an hour and a half, and every time I go to explain why I think a joke is good, I'm like, oh, we didn't mention like, eight shit-beats they did.

You wrote fuck off here, off is an all-caps, and let's dug into the paper. Like, that's like imprinted, you could like, do that on the other side. You can see I'm like, space. Uh-huh, it's just like, Devon has written the word off at some point. Look, look.

It's beyond saying full cast, like, in like, I'm holding it. Beyond say. It's like torn through. It's like written by the Hulk. Reminded? I don't even remember what that's in reference to. I gotta be honest with you.

It could be almost. It's just the summary of it. I think it's the joke where he like, Dr. Evil's pants rip off, and Austin who is down a ladder from him goes, I used to think you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts. Yes, it is that, and don't worry, don't finish groaning yet.

And that's the reason why I wrote fuck off, is because he finished groaning yet, dude. Oh! Oh! LAUGHTER Sorry. Oh, again! Um! He does that, and then he does the fucking

look directly to kind of throw a bunch of things. Ah, thank you. I thank you. And it's like every time you make a bad joke and then go, that was a bad joke. I'm like, you have to do one. Hey, but the other thing you think, the other thing you think is one thing

that they don't explain where it's from. So a musical community called Arthur Asky. And ordinarily, every other joke in this movie, they'll be like Arthur Asky. By the way, that was a bit regarding Arthur Asky. Yeah, exactly, and that keeps coming up. But thankfully, they don't. They need to be in it, like, Burr Bacarat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who isn't in this. But thankfully he'd be in it like birdbacker up. Yeah

Yeah, who isn't in this one is he he's in the credits. Oh God and he's here Yes indeed Yeah, my final note is birdbacker. I is here. Yeah, you're right I got a whole page life so I, I know, I know, we'll get through it together. You got a paragraph. John Travolta is here. Yeah, Gold member dies, and then it's revealed to be John Travolta because there's back in the framing device of the movie, right?

Except we know who's in the movie, because we saw it at the start, there's Tom Cruise, there's Gwen Spalter, there's Kevin Spacy, Danny DeViso and John Travolta, which means they whitewashed Foxy out of the movie because they couldn't think of a second black actress. Ooh, for one dollar. And the second actress. And here is my contribution.

I think they missed the funniest possible joke, which is to make Beyoncé's movie double-cali-roland. Oh, that's so good! Yeah. Yeah. Oh well. So they get out of the fucking premier, Dr. Evelster, he's good now. Fat bastard! Fat bastard, is there?

No longer fat, because of a joke which is aged beautifully. I want it in the subway day, you know, just like, Charlie. You're all like, Jared. We'll have to play that again. You're a safe screener. All right, all of you shut the fuck up.

You will find a ballgag under your seat, buckle it in your house. I want it in the subway. Shush, shush, shush. I want it in the Shush, shush, shush. I want the subway there. You know, I just like jarrit. They really do name drop Jared Subway. I assume he has a surname.

I assume the subway company is like not. That's right. I assume that's not his name. Jared Faradol. He did the, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,onst. Yeah, I assume that's not his name. Who is this guy? Jared Faddle. Jared Faddle. He did the... Jared Faddle.

He was on the... On the... On the being Subway, and then he became like the face of Subway, and then he Nonst. And they were like... Oh, shit. Oh, no! They used him for all the real frowning. Oh!

He was like 90% of the budget. And you know someone in Subway, did the sandwiches cause this? We just have to say. We just have to say. Pretty good anti-donna sketch about that actually. Like, it was like as devastating to subway as it would have been to this movie of Mike Myers. It had been accused of something.

Like, he was so central to their brand. And he was right up there. He was on all the ads and then hyper non mega non Uninon straight cross state lines and everything like Non-sense Wow, he was nonding on planes of existence We don't know the like of yeah, he was planning shit out like he was going

He went to the charity mouth on in New York and had set up the non-sing before he even got to New York He went to the charity mouth on in New York and had set up the non-sing before he even got to New York. For King. No! I mean, for real. Jesus, he had like a non-sighting-a-rary? Yeah. Yeah.

Which is what made it federal, because he planned it before he crossed the lines. So, something the fucking FBI was involved in getting this not-sing. The stuff which not-s. I don't want that to be real, like, gradations of non-serie, but, like, these are also, like, a very bad one. Yeah. Like, also, I feel like it's concerning

that, in, like, 66.6% of these shows, we have zeroed in on someone's troubling federal case against them. Yeah. What is with this movie? I want heads in here. What? It's a random task.

But, so, so, so, so, so, so, they get out of the theatre, and this is the ultimate way that I know that Mike Myers is full of himself. He wrote himself in a kiss with Beyonce. And she says, she, because I think they probably knew this was going to be the last one, and she says, thank you, Austin, for everything, and then kisses him, and then it like pans up, and like outside the movie theater, like, thank you, Austin awesome powers for being such a great cultural juggernaut. Yeah. For all your fantastic contributions to cinema. As if you were going to be surprised right.

The kiss is like dead. There's no chemistry to it. Fucking Mike Wyos had more chemistry with Nathan Lane. Um, actually, that's a fun, get him back in, funny a joke. He should have been playing for a dog to the car, in the form of a limousine. He's in and she spins around in his Nathan Lane again. Uh-huh.

So the thing is, right, closing up now. If you read the scripts for these online, you can see that a lot of work went into saving Mike Myers from himself, a lesson for many authors. They cut a lot of his, like, worst ideas. The more successful he got, the less they could control him. And if you extrapolate from Gold Member, where there's, like, a studio guy going,

this guy is, like, this guy's great. He can do no wrong. He is, if you will, solid gold, right? If you extrapolate from Gold Member, the next Mike Myers movie, every role is played by him and it's 100% racist. Yeah, it's a Norbert situation. And that movie exists. And it's called the Love Guru.

We're not going to be doing the Love Guru. Do you remember all the times we said we weren't going to do Austin Powers? Oh, God! Yes, because I very specifically went in and cut them all for the promo. Oh, do you want to do the work? Set up, not pay off, remind a reminder,

and just say we're not going to do the love guru a bunch more times. Do you know what? The movie does, the love guru does say some things about masculinity. OK. For those of you in the audience, fuck. For those of you in the audience, you're getting a real sneak peek. I mean, first of all, careful, whitey, after... That's a problem.

Is it more racist to make an Indian person watch this movie with us or more racist for us to just do it? Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. We could find a guest who'll do it. We got like four weeks before. We got like six weeks before this, like recording comes. Are we the problem?

Yeah, this is us making ourselves a vacation. But what? We're like go to India. No. You know what, fine. Yeah, sure. No, no, no. Next Kiljames Bond live show is not Strader SpacePodger. It's actually even Next kill James Bond live show. It's not Stratton SpacePod.

It's actually even further outside London, in India. LAUGHTER But so like, what does this have to do with James Bond or Andy Masky-Lennese? Just to see if I can see you from Central, I say. Honestly, I think Strasson was a part of Central London. Actually, to be fair, you don't need to get on one, like, one item of transport together from London to India.

You need to get, like, four to get down to. That's true. Stress him to India though, it's like 50. But, like, you just said, don't, you're like, you put it in a binoculars. No. What does this have to do with, like, and I open this question to my co-host,

what does this have to do with bond or masculinity, or either? And... Oh! Well, if this is the one thing, Austin Powers caused the James Bond series to have such a crisis on itself. True. Yeah. So, so, Daniel Cronk's asked so hard that, like, Bond had to become serious, and then later on,

it was doing bits that were, like, ripped from the Austin Powers series. That's correct. This is business. This is the tail wagging with us. This is Ben the author, I would say. No! Of all this pain. You know what? I love that.

Fuck it. There's your button. You absolute motherfucker. But yeah, it's, it's, it's, Abby, anything. So I mean, I wonder whether they're gonna take James Bond's next now that Dawson Powers is kind of faded a little bit. Coming back to horny again. It's going back, do you think to horny?

Mm-hmm, yeah. Going back to self-parody in 60s and like motorcycles folding up into backpack and shit. It's coming back. It's time. Give me a silly movie, please. It's for fuck's sake a silly movie, please. For fuck's sake. Moon pussy, beckons. But...

I've heard this. Yeah. But again, we're closing the skies. Right. So this franchise is like, it's a love letter to the... Kessless Syndrome head. New T-Mex. Thank you for giving me a woo for Kessler, Simbra. Quintessence.

Um. Oh my god. Good audience. I'm very proud of you. Yeah, it's a love letter to like a... To what? To what? What is this a letter to? It's a letter toess attitude, like, uh, uh, uh, parts. To what? To what? What is this a loveless attitude?

It's a loveless attitude, Mike. This is the loveless attitude. This is the loveless attitude. There's a hate mail to me, and us. LAUGHTER This is, this is like one of the most pathetic pieces of hate mail I've received since that person on Tumblr the other day, who tried to threaten me by sending me dialogue permission impossible free.

LAUGHTER This was a terrible use of all of our time. Yeah, baby. It is a lovel of all of our time. Yeah baby. It is a love letter to the previous two Austin Powers movies. And by the end, it's a love letter to the lines that came like four minutes ago. I don't remember that.

Wasn't that good? I'm like, oh! The twist ending of this movie is like Scot evil is fully bald, fully evil. And I guess now it has lived to see Gen X go bald and take out the mantle of evil in real life. But it still wasn't prepared for the 2000s, which were the original Scott evil's decade. So it's just done now. They keep threatening to do another one. They haven't.

But if threatening is the verb. Yes, yes. I hope they won't. Maybe we like do for a new one. I really hope we're not. Why would you paroddy like Craig Bond? It's like, I just haven't like suck on the fingers for an hour and a half. That's like, we could ride a pretty effective party. I don't think we're talking half way. They're already with the...

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, visual joke for those of you listening, Leder. Well, well, bye. We have a science-based system. Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Do you know every single night thus far, I have been like, perfect, right? Let's get rid of it. And anybody who has a science-based race is like, oh, yeah, come on.

I'm really tired. I can't see it. I'm podcasted and I'm, you know. I'm actually fine because... Tough stab. So, it's called the Skirmes Spectrum. It is. Thanks for smart, cultural, insensitivity,

unprovoked violence and misogyny. Yes. How smart me is this film? One million. Can we say ten? He is pretty bad. Ten out of seven? Yes.

I mean, what did we do for the last two? Nine and eight respectively. Well, last time we get it with six, and I didn't write it down the first time, because I forgot my notebook, so... Not unreasonable. Ten. Ten.

Ten. It's so pleasing to us up the existence of the film. I have a killable. It's so pleasing to us up. And it's always like fucking sucking itself off about like, Mike Myers, Hollywood friends like 10 10 Kill a killer more than let pod sort them out Genuinely, you might might be like extra-dited to Japan and put on trial

Because like come on Cultural insensitivity 10 Genuinely, he should be an extra-dited to Japan and put on I think they should have a death penalty If not, they should be extradited to Japan. And put on, I think they should have a deaf penalty, do they? If not, they should bring it back. Does anyone do brown face in this film? No. Well, they tried to, but it got cut.

That's a fair point. Is that gross? Yeah, the three-hour Mustafa cut. It was too far away, so it was like flashback. It really gets into his character. You know, you learn a lot about Mustafa. When you learn the secret reason from Mustafa's brown face. You'll be ashamed of your words and deeds.

Maybe. Shit, maybe. Alright. I don't know. No, it's not brown face, but they're off. He's in the rough and tough. No, it's not brown-faced, but they're off. What's not we giving them? Is it more offensive? There are two non-Japanese people who are being build-as Japanese.

I don't know. I do it in that accent too. I honestly think fuck me and fuck you as bad as it gets. Like, outside of fucking, like an actual racial slur. Like, yeah. Which they tried to have in the first place. Yes, I did. Try to have in a god.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, yeah, 10. 10. 10. 10. I know that makes it more racist than living like die, but I don't care. We don't have to be consistent. Oh, I see. Unprovoked. That's my mind, as well.

This one might save it because, I mean, they kill gold member, I guess. He was trying to destroy the world. That's pretty big provocation. Yeah, they don't do the human shield. If someone's trying to destroy the world. That's pretty, that's pretty big provocation. Yeah, they don't do the human shield. If someone's trying to destroy the world, you should kill them. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Flashing up like unconnected images of like extramobile aliens. Exactly, that's the thing. That's the thing. It's like, mm-hmm. It's just like, mm-hmm. You can look them up.

It's on company's house. I honestly don't know. It's gonna be low, right? Like, uh, two, something like. It is remarkably, it's on company's house. I honestly don't know, it's gonna be low, right? Like, uh, to something like... It is remarkably... I strongly think of anyone who was like... What? What?

...fucking detest on provoked violence? First as a statement, and then also just like... It keeps saving movies like, hey! Does the Mini-Me fight count as like, we're supposed to think that's amusing. Yeah, it's fun to be misch amusing. It's fun to be a shit. It's actually unprovoked. Yeah, it does.

For a very... Yeah, 50, fuck them. Yeah. 10. 10. No, I don't put a 10, I mean... Three, four. Four, four. Yeah. Whatever.

Missodgeny. Missodgeny. 10. 10. He's as misogynistic as previous ones. No, because it doesn't have anything about women. It's gone from women to stuck up to women or to horny and it makes me scared to be on say exists

and is in this movie. She's not like character. She barely gets lines. It's objectifying, but it's objectifying in a way that's mostly silent. And so for that, I'll give it a five. Is that a bit hard? I don't know, what do you think?

I was thinking more like three. You want to spell the difference again for? Yeah, I'll go for. All right, let's go for four. That gives it a total score of 28. The joy. Yes. Yes.

The worst movie ever. The worst movie ever. It is now tied with live and let die. And atomic blonde blonde as the worst film we have ever seen on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, I'd say so, yeah. Will we ever find a movie that like breaks through that ceiling of 28 is more offensive than these? And like, what a trio, like... It's all we and funny, man. Well, it's called the love guru.

LAUGHTER Someday. Someday. That's the most psychological trauma that we can, like, possibly do. And also, I've been sitting on this, let's see, for like an hour and a half and... Oh, this is uncomfortable.

There's, there's like a talk situation. Oh, are you? Yeah. Oh, is there a talk situation? I'm not sure. It's not the uncomfortable. Is that? Yeah.

Woo! Woo! Woo! I've run out of silicone, Luke. I'm just like squeaking now. Like a fenn bar that needs oiling. Later, if you're good. Woo!

We have been Kale James Bond. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, for real. Let's bring it in. My final note, if anyone says, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacarach, near me, it's going to MK Ultra activate me. In a post-credits scene, which we're not counting, thank you so much for coming. at Baka Rack, near me it's gonna MK Ultra activate me.

In a post credits scene which we're not counting. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you especially to those of you who made it to all three nights. Woo! Thank you to stress some space project for the tech and the band-new. Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! That's right. We have been Kil'Jane's fond. We have been Kale James Bond. Good night. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.