Upstream - S2E8: A Queen’s Ransom

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

Woah, wait a minute- This isn't Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit starring Chris Pine! No. In the time between episodes, our beloved Queen Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II passed away. So, in loving tribute to the queen who birthed all english people like a queen ant does, we watched a movie about her life and times. George Lazenby and Jimmy Wang Yu lead a gang of elite criminals attempting to assassinate the Queen! Can they finish off Er Maj before their nemesis, the character legitimately named Police Inspector Karate Master, tracks them down? Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond     *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Hi, it's Alice from the Future. A movie that's the subject of this episode, Stiles George Laisenby, who long time fans of the show may know, we have sort of adopted as the fun bond, the unproblematic bond, the best bond. You have to put those remarks into historical context,

and the historical context is us recording this several days ago. Several days ago was a different time. A time when cultural norms and values were different and when we didn't know that we could get yelled at for this. Unfortunately, the day after we recorded this, George Laisen took the stage in Perth and said some shit. It's pretty bad. The lesson I would draw from this is to trust no bond, and especially to trust no male actor working in the 60s. We going forward, we'll try not to put all of our eggs into one Australian model basket here. And we apologize in advance for all of the nice things that we said about the man who we believed falsely, it seems, to be basically okay. This is an error we will not be repeating. And I would also like to announce the institution of a new format called the Misntery Hour. The Misundry Hour begins now and does

not end. We hope you're still able to enjoy the episode and thank you for your patience. The country is never going to be the same again. It's our heavy, heavy responsibility to mourn a grave, a grave loss to the public life of this nation. I can't believe it. After a lifetime of service. Yeah. When he's been there for just like so long. You think you're going to be used to it, right? You think that yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you're not, you know, people people who you aren't expecting to cry cry weep openly in the streets like children. I had a huge argument with a friend of mine about it. I see.

It's just because our emotions were so so high. Oh, hugely so it divided my family group chat clean and half. I was talking to someone who said people have left family group chats over it. I know. It's so grim. And of course, now we have a whole calendar of public morning. Yeah. And just like, there's a lot of the countries been thrown into disarray in a way by like every way you go, there's like pictures all across the underground, every single screen in the underground. It the underground, every single one. Yeah, and I mean, it's really, it's so sad to, you know, be coming back to this on, you

know, it's just, I don't think any of us are really equipped for the one year anniversary of the death of Geronimo the Outpacker. It's been hard. I gotta be honest. I miss them every day. The 31st of August, 2021 is a date that will live on in M for me. There was one thing that did cheer me up actually, quite a lot. Yeah. Even in these dark times, remembering the death of John and my the ampuck,

the abackum. The one thing that did cheer me up is that the queen is fucking dead baby! You look like that was the gilet my whole Change my steamer! Ladies and gentlemen! I love so much about... We got him! Get him from the station! Get him from the line!

See, I want to know my point of major contention, right? I think yes, yes. Yes, yes. We've done this twice thus far. Right. Oh, this is definitely dropped out as soon as it gets. Well, my local still on. What's funny is that we've done this twice thus far. We did this one, of course, Prince Philip died.

We bait and switched for DMX, which was very, very funny. And we did this with John and Mo. I think, earnestly, we should have just done it for the Queen. And just like we left it up to people to be like, is this ironic? Are they doing it? We're doing it because our hearts turn into monochism.

We've got the. And all that. Abby and I were planning this ahead of time. We were like, what bait and switch could we use? And it turns out the answer was not many. We were looking for other famous people who had died about the same time we could make it happen. I just found out that meatloaf was dead listeners for real. And I'm actually kind of talking about that.

Honestly, distraught here at Kil'Jane's Bond Towers. It's fucked up that burger cro, Danish Olympic boxer died. It's fucked up that we lost Anders Lundbrod, the Swedish actor. I tell you one of the... We should have done this for fucking Mikhail Gorbachev. Oh fuck, made one. Alright, so John and we are recording this actually. No, no, no, I'm too lazy.

I'll imagine that. Oh, I would have been so lazy. It's the most difficult to film, anyway, happy 9-11 to all who celebrate, even the Hayers and losers. That's right. It's all today. It's 9-11, no.

We can save the record. She so nearly died on 9.11. She was trying to hold out for it, then Liz Truss entered sprayed with the perfume from no time to die. And she just fucking knew. She was ordered to wear by her Dom. Yes, yes, she definitely has. We are Liz Truss called Truthless. But we should be doing Jack Ryan shadow recruit

but none of us want to do it because it looks terrible what we wanted to do instead was to do something to to celebrate the life and times of our late monarch and in doing so we tricked ourselves into watching a worse movie yeah kind of bad time it's part of it that are good so so we it's it's Alas Abbey and Devon by, hey, the show is called James Bond. Hello. Yes. We watched the 1976 film A Queen's Ransom, which on paper sounds amazing because it's a kung fu action film starring Jimmy Wang Yu, who we all know and love from Man from Hongkong,

and George Laisenby, who we all know and love from the Man from Hongkong. And it's about a gang of gangsters who try to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II. Yeah, it's perfect. And one thing, one thing that I did do is I looked up the lesser box for this movie, right? To see what other people thought of it, see what the reviews were, see if I could fucking remember it. So I watched all of this. I did all gone from my head. And the most recent review at the time of recording of a Queen's ransom is by a fantastic film critic who goes by only Torbo who has given it two and a half stars and the sole contents of the review are in italics mind you

rest in piss and that's about the level that the movie is. Yes, I honestly I went into this now is like we're this is going to be the second episode in a row that is a Hong Kong Kung Fu into this and I was like, this is gonna be the second episode in a row that is a Hong Kong Kung Fu action movie. And I was like, maybe it's a dev temper. What's happening here? This is almost better than Kung Fu Hossel. This is on. What?

You are, you are fucking, there's no way that you could possibly look me in the eye. You're not gonna hide from a fight scene for better. Action, action. It's gonna fight scene. Look me in the eye If you want to be the third host of Oh my god, okay, so this movie, it's also called International Assassin. And we start with stock footage of the Vietnam War as the movie explains what it's deal is. And the first thing you should know about this movie is that we only were able to get a print of it with English subtitles thanks to a fan Ignatius Thornicraft. Thank you for your kind donation. However, the English subtitles are not

of the best quality. And just as an example of this, the sort of the scene setting, the subtitles say Indochiam fall behind the Iron Curtain. Yeah. Vietnam, Cambodia, all the nations of Indochiam, they have fallen to communism. And now, there's a wave of refugees, fleeing communism coming to Hong Kong. This has the police stretched then,

but what also has the police stretched even thinner is that her majesty, the queen, is coming to visit Hong Kong. Is this the parish? God save the queen. That's right. They gave it a fair call to strive, though, to be honest with them. Yeah. And you can see already what the deal with this movie is, which is the queen for real

visited Hong Kong in 75, 76 this movie came out and essentially what they've done is we can make a third of a movie and pad the rest with footage of shit that actually happens. They have real footage of the Queen and Prince Philip, which is quite a lot. Yeah, both of these people are fucking dead now. Yeah, quite a few of us have self-repeated. And yeah, you get a lot of shots of, like, the Queen arriving, Hong Kong cops in tiny shorts. Yeah, a lot of fucked shorts in this film.

Yeah, yeah. It's also, it's very weird to see Hong Kong doing the full colonial pomp and circumstance, like as a historical moment. Because, of course, this is before the hand, but this is when we still own down Kong. Yeah, there's an opening scene here where like there's a bunch of colonial troops in Hong Kong all playing bagpipes. And I earnestly believe that introducing

the bagpipe to a country should be like the highest criminal offense you can do. Yeah, I like bagpipes and I still find that fucked up. Basically verbatim. Right. I'm being in Hong Kong and just handing them a fucking bagpipes and being like, best of luck boys.

Enjoy yourself. Learn this. Not only does it often sound terrible, it's incredibly difficult to play. Well, as we've seen, as we've also seen this movie, Hong Kongers did not think necessarily that the British Empire was normal, but all of the British people involved.

They were right. We thought this was normal. We were like, this is cool. Listening to a bunch of like, masked bagpipes in central Hong Kong, and you're like, okay, this is cool. This is history unfolding according to the plan. I just love the idea that that was the first bit of colonialism. Anyway, when we went the first thing you tried, it's just like, hand made a black ice.

No, it's a two-hit punch. You do the Eddie Isard, do you have a flag bit, and then immediately hand them a back-five. They're like, get to work. Queen is coming. The story isn't blown. Screason blown. Don't say it.

Don't say it. If there are like instruments for the similar to a backpipe in East Asia. No, because they're not playing instruments that are similar to a backpipe. They are playing highland bagpipes. Not playing the Northumbrian pipes, which are superior to backpipes, if I'm not saying it. Well, that's an even. Okay, but we got to catch up with the cops, right? There's a detective. He is credited only as police detective Karastie master.

The credit names for this. Is he really? Is he really that? That's a real shit. Who do I have to kill to get a laptop? He's almost dead. At least, almost the time. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This is to be fair. To be fair, it summarizes his deal remarkably well. I think it's just like, well, they call him Chang in the people. Yeah, but in the credits, he is just police detective Krasi. I'm glad to hear that. I was like trying to find a name for him. The entire way through the credits, I've got like, the entire way through my notes, I've got like five people

who I just don't know the name of and have nowhere to find out. Oh yeah. Because like the subtitles are not just weird, you're getting like one line in three here. And it's very it's it's a very unclear plot in general. It's hard to follow. Not helped by the fact that every synopsis of it is like one sentence because we're the only fuckers who have seen this movie since 1976. Yeah, there's like a massive discussion in the Kill Jones Bond, like, trash future Patreon channel where they're like, how do we watch this movie? How do we watch this move? How do we watch it? Yeah, if you're trying to watch along with us,

stop doing that. Has all your ex-hero and well done on your heroic efforts, but don't bother. In this case, so the chief, the police chief calls in police detective crowds. If you'd like to know how the chief is credited, yes, it's so desperately. But police chief gal the detective. Police chief what?

Police chief gal the detective. Okay, she's got two titles. Is it like sandwich the name? My name is Jack Drum and Detective Inspector Police. So, so chief. expect to police. So cheap. This is impossible. There's not even a plot. That's fucking big. Gal calls him into his office and he's like, there's this bar girl who keeps, who like keeps giving false reports, but this time she's given us a tip off that someone's going to try and kill the queen. You got to go talk to her, find out what's going on.

It's actually quite a cool moment where police chief says she's called in a tip. Apparently, somebody's going to try and assassinate a VIP and I'm gonna call this guy Chang Because I can't say his full title that laughing and Chang says who's the target and the chief just kind of looks nervous and then it we kind of pan to a portrait of Queen Elizabeth that he has in his office and he's like Don't worry about it. Just go and talk to it. I thought oh, that's quite fun. Yeah There are some really good little bits of this. Like I really do like some parts of this.

And this woman's name is Jenny. So yes, I love Jenny. And Rati Master. She wants to meet her. And I'm like, love. Yeah, and she tells in the story, right, where she was working, she was doing sex work, right? And this Filipino guy, she met. He got drunk and he sort of implicated to her that they were going to kill the queen with a sniper rifle.

And she went through his stuff, his pocket while he was like passed out drunk. And she's able to like, I think she hands over like one of a partial map to police chief detective Karasi. Yeah, he's got like plans for a stadium in his pocket and he's talking about I'm going to do it in one shot. We're going to get out. We're going to get out. And so she calls, she calls us in and then she's like, look, maybe he'll be back because he really had a fun time with me. So maybe when he comes back, you can nab him and that'll be there. Do we have to find out why she tips them off? No. Money. Like this is the thing about Jenny is that like every, every scene she's in, she, she announces her motivation. And her motivation is she wants to get paid. And I love this for her.

Very nice. Genuinely. It's very fun. I'm doing the Van Helsing thing of every carriage. She just keeps saying that super objective. Yes the van Helsing thing of every carer should just keep saying they're super objective. Yes, yeah. We then get a scene at the airport where both the Queen's security and also the guy who wants to kill the Queen show up at the same time. It's really good. George Laisenby enters the movie. He looks so good. Genuinely. For fucking mustache Laisen be era is unmatched. Unmatched. You look like you dev.

Ah, that is the kind of kind of. He's just like huge and he's got a mustache. Like, you see why he was a model, right? He enters the fucking movie. He's got this like presence. And then we cut away from him because he's not interesting. Instead we go and talk to some fucking nerd. Yeah.

Some other white guy. We get a cast list of guys. We get the police chief. I don't believe this is Karate master is like, all right, listen. Yeah. So, so John, a white guy arrived from London and he's the Queen's head of security. And he gives us the briefing on the other things. The other thing is the none. I don't believe any of this movie recorded audio like on set on location, right? It's all dubbed. And that means that all of the like non-Chinese actors are also dubbed by Chinese actors speaking Cantonese. And the result, first of all, you lose George

Laisenby's voice, which was like 90% of the reason why I love man from Hong Kong. But second of all, you missed an opportunity here. If this actor spoke any Cantonese at all, I would rather have heard it from him, especially if it was bad, because that would have been hysterical to me. But so the ideas, our rogue's gallery. Yeah, list of guys. So some hitmen have been dispatched from various nations and have all gathered in on top. The reason for this, as we're told by the subtitles, is that Irish turnlosts may come here to assassination the queen. Yeah, that's the probability.

Yeah. George Laisenby is Irish in this. In case anyone was here. Speak for lawless Cantonese. Yeah. And he has put together a team. Second language. Uh, this, this team consists of two Japanese guys, and you can tell that they're Japanese because they're introduced wearing kimono and bowing.

Yeah. And also later on, one of them keeps talking about Pagan Samurai. Yeah. Despite the fact that they're meant to be in the, the Japanese red army, the like communist terrorist group. Oh, sure. We have the marksman, the Filipino guy, whose name is Chen Long. I got a more written down.

Cast list of guys, you got Miyamoto. This is your second and command list of Japanese. He's an explosives expert. You've got Ram, who is a Thai boxer, and I will talk about him extensively later on. Yes, you've got Chen Long, who is the Filipino sharpshooter that tipped off the Jenny. Got nods. Mm-hmm. Japanese guy.

I don't know what his thing is really. It's where you have a deal. Yeah, it doesn't have a deal. And then you've got Shan. He's a Filipino diver. And he's introduced diving. And he's got Jimmy. Yeah.

You've got Mother fucking Jimmy Wang. You're playing a vehicle on tactician. Um, and you have, you have, you have one additional man in, in this line up here. We had a cover this guy. There's an American mercenary who has a somewhat racially insensitive name. His name is a racial slow. It's, it's not, it's not the full N word, but it's, it's bad, right? The kind of thing that people yell out of car windows, like it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are not going to like refer to him other than, but I don't know, if I can problematically named African American mercenary or problematic for sure. Yeah, I mean, noise. I actually saw somebody get beaten up in Tesco a couple of weeks ago because he called a black man this and the black man literally kicked his ass. And it was very good. So yeah, this character, he's only referred to by this.

It's never like this is his mercenary name, but his real name, like they only ever call him a racialster. He is black and they just call him this the whole time. And he never even like object to this at any point. Two more things. There's also a woman. Black Rose. This is Judith Brown who is insanely hot and has also been in like every exploitation movie

basically. If there was a woman in prison movie made in the 70s, Judith Brown was in it. She's goodness. There's also, well, the way that we introduce Jimmy Wang Yu as Jimmy Viet Conga Rhea, one of the cops says to the other, he dives like a shark, so they call him shark. And then- Never at any point again in the movie. It's like, what a shock. What is diving like a what? Well, you're shown this later on because he does a dive with like no oxygen pack or anything. He like goes under and I like, well, I just have an oxygen

pack. One of the other guys is like, he thinks he's a shark. And that's as much as you get of that. Jimmy also has a what is I think supposed to be a scar on his forehead, but it's like, it's so badly. it looks like it's done with ketchup, it's so bad. It's so bad. It's genuinely hilarious. Meanwhile across town in the mountains, we see a bunch of like, we see a helicopter unload

a woman and a bunch of dudes carrying a bunch of heavy crates. And at this point, we get sort of the first of two B plots, right, which is they rent this the shack in the mountain from a farmer, and we see this farmer and who we believe to be his nephew, his younger nephew, Ducky. And Ducky is sort of like, asks the nearest Goon, hey, what's all of this shit? And that goon is immediately awarded Brian Cox Memorial Award in Intelligence because he goes, it's a secret Cambodian bodyguard squad for the Cambodian queen with a bunch of gold,

with Swiss storing it here. Just like his podcast, this film has more than one queen. That's right. That's right. That to be fair, the kid's response is really good. He's like, that's crazy. In that case, I don't want 700 pounds, I want 7,000 pounds. And the guy goes, all right, I'll do that. But if you tell the cops I'll kill you.

And the other guy goes, I won't. And they're like, perfect. I'll deal easy. It's a great sort of like first tape of a language learning course negotiation. You know? We also have a bunch of crates with gold bullion in, which they've struggled out of Cambodia to avoid the iron curtain that is coming for all of Indochinam. Indochinam?

Yeah. So the lads, I know. So Jenny goes to the police station and says, hey, I want to cooperate. I'm going to help you find this Filipino guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Detective police carol. Carol, do you have a carol? Carol, yeah.

Is a sign to be her bodyguard. Because she's like, I need to protect you. And he's like, protection is my middle name. I'm, I'm police detective Karol. If protection is a desk, he's just got a hand. It's like a very long name plate. This is like a known trope in like Hong Kong action movies now We've seen this a bunch of times is you know bad-ass cop you got to go protect this annoying but sexy woman This has happened so many times

Was it an early Jackie Chan film? Jackie Chanjo it was it was his masterpiece was police story Oh, yeah, and he was assigned to protect a woman who did sexy baby Was it an early Jackie Chan film? It was Jackie Chanio. It was his masterpiece, it was a police story. Oh yeah, and he was assigned to protect a woman who did sexy baby clothes. It's in Aces Go Places too, as well. Yeah, so she is trying to earn the reward for this, which is pleasingly called the Model Citizen Bonus, which we're told is a large amount of money.

And she's very, very mercenary. And one of the reasons why I like her, when she's in the office, she's like, yeah, listen, I'm not doing this for free. I've been in jail like three times this year, pay me, and it works. You know? Meanwhile, all the lads, all the criminal lads are gathered at Lays and Bees compound. And there's a bit of tension between them. We see that Jimmy, Jimmy, do you want you playing Jimmy,

has a fight with Ram, which is fucking sick? Dev, do you want to tell us about Ram? Ram is the biggest man I've ever fucking seen. And it's like, no cap, nothing wrong with him. He is stood in the middle of the yard just doing lateral raises. He's just there. Two dumbbells just going up and down and up and down. And then they have a little fight.

And this is where I get to something of a problem that I have with Ram, which is that he is a Thai boxing master and he does not throw anything that could be described as a boxing punch at any point ever. All of his fights are like the sort of classic of a genre, like the arm swinging, blocking with forearms, things of that nature. It's easy. swinging, blocking with forearm, things about nature. It's easy.

All of the punch sounds. The same sound. It's this one. Yeah, it's like a clap, you know, but like slightly loud. It's good, I guess. And Lays and B, George Lays and B, by the way, George Lays and B's characters called George. Yeah, George and Jimmy.

George Lays and B appears in a tight, black shirt with a whip and breaks his bite up. And he also throws the body of racial slur down the steps and says, racial racial slur, I just found out he's a traitor. Jimmy take him away and throw his body in the sea. Yeah. Yes. George wears tight black shirts so often. He's like squeezing into a small every day of his life and I don't unsmanked.

That's true. At this point, Lazy-Bee reveals the plan. And the plan is, of course, we're going to kill the queen. We're going to kill the queen. We're going to kill the queen while she takes a tunnel. She's going to go from Hong Kong to Kaolun. She's going to go through a tunnel. We're going to blow up the tunnel

However, they have a problem which is the the maps that they have of the tunnel as black rose says it given no pipe lengths That's right and you you gotta know the pipe length You gotta know the length of the pipe. That's right. You do and it's because because again, per the subtitles It's bad to locate the joints do. And it's because again, per the subtitles, it's bad to locate the joints. So they got to go back to Jenny and get Jenny to. Yeah, so they've got an architect flying in who has a blueprint of the tunnels. But because they're all being watched, they need somebody else to go to meet the architect to kite the blueprints. So they go and see Jenny. Yes, yes. Yeah. Meanwhile, police inspector, Kroly Marstey is there when they arrive,

and they're doing a little bit of like a sexy bodyguard back and forth, like you do. Yeah, classic genre. Jimmy Wagyu arrives. Jimmy Wagyu arrives wearing an outfit and a credit for it. What's he wearing in this? He's wearing white suit with white shoes, and an incredibly huge baby blue collar shirt. The collar is massive 70s collar.

He looks like he's going disco dancing. It's incredible. And they said to Jenny, him and Chandlung said, Jenny, his $5,000 go and meet this guy, the architect, he's going to give you some documents, bring him straight back here. And she's like, yeah, cool, no worries. We also see that detective inspector, police, karate, protection master has secretly listened in on this conversation. Yeah, he's left a tape recorder, but he's also doing some splinter cell shit where he's like on the outside of the balcony outside. This point they use about 10 seconds of pink Floyd's shine on you crazy diamond in the soundtrack, which I'm guessing they did not have the rights to.

Yeah, perhaps not fully legal. Slightly unusual. It's absolutely unmistakable that during the scene transition they have that like completely they're like, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, and I was like, that's pink Floyd. You can't just do that. or dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare,

dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare, dare When she's not looking because women be getting distracted, he switches the blueprint she's been handed for the rolled up playboy count. Women do be getting distracted because she's on the phone like talking to her friend.

Hey. Yeah, yeah, not doing the M school. Classic switchery. Yeah. So now the cops have the tunnel blueprint. They know that someone's gonna try and blow up the tunnel. They call in the architect who enters the police station like a man who has just done a large amount of cataman. And what this tries, what it's trying to convey is this

guy has been poisoned. He's about to have a heart attack. That's what I took, yes. However, the direction he's been given is walk, walk through this door and then forget how your legs work. So he just kind of like stumbles around for a bit and then like clutches his heart and dies. Yeah, dies in a barren heart attack. But the police are like, well, we know there's some kind of crime. We know it involves the Queen.

We know it involves this tunnel. So let's just tell the Queen, don't take the tunnel. Take a take a yacht or something. What's the respect? Is the Queen? Yeah, they're like the Queen. we have discovered a plot to kill you by exploding this tunnel. Please don't go through the tunnel and Queen goes.

Yeah, actually, I think I still will. What is the Queen famously like loved tunnels? She loved tunnels. A lot of people in the world don't like it. I'm a killer one. I was also trying to gin up a few, no joke. All right. Number one tunnel fan.

Under the rules of kill James Bond, Alice and I now have to be quiet for the next two minutes. So Dev takes it with a podcast. Alice and I have to run a little obstacle course and like do some jumps and come back and let's talk about Rams fits then in that case. Because every single scene that is of the Lazenby gang, like the Lads, the Lazenby Lads, I am staring in the background at Rams specifically

because he's always doing some shit. Like, do you know where they reveal that it's time to kill Queen Elizabeth of England and hand out the money? His outfit, he's just wearing a pair of trousers with like hand out the money. His outfit, he's just wearing like a pair of trousers with suspenders and nothing else. So he's just like suspended flares and fuck all. And in the background of another scene, he's wearing a cowboy hat and just drinking from the biggest bottle of water I've ever seen. And all of this is just background, completely

unremarked fun, which leads you to believe this is just how this man moves through the world Yeah, he's just like yeah, I just have a cowboy hair for this bit So so for this next scene George has to like brief the lads again and he's like well She's she's insistent on taking the tunnel, but just in case she doesn't, we gotta have another plan in case she like takes a helicopter or a boat or something. Also, we should kill Jenny.

Actually, that's Black Rose's idea, which is a nice like femme-for-tale stuff. And then we get a sex scene, the first of two. Fuck yeah, we do, baby. The tamer of the two. A-a-7-2 sex scene, nonetheless. Oh, and how can you tell it's a 70 sex scene because this is the soundtrack. Just take a sit and I'm gonna couple of seconds. Okay I'm always just hearing that in my head. This occurs to me diagetically whenever I'm about to have

sex. Yeah I I mean, I literally go from at the end of that last scene thinking, wow, a black rose is kind of hot to her immediately having her turn. Because Jimmy Wang you cuts her top off for the samurai sword, which yes, you do legally have sex with someone when they do that. That's the thing. Yeah, that's true. We covered this in mask of Zorro, I believe. When someone like physically like, you know, with swordsmanship, like, disrobes you, yeah. It doesn't go for like a paramedic

if they cut you out of your clothes, you don't have to have sex with them. That's just the job. Yeah, because they use swords usually. And that's cheap. So. Yeah, that's true. All paramedics are gay.

This is a real, a real, a real position. So, as again, why I keep having sex with them. I felt the sentence using Cis as gay, like coming up my throat, and I just thought about it for a second to like, this is something I'm saying on the record.

So it's like receiving emergency paramedical care on a sort of like bossaming basis, just like, oh my heart. I have so much chest pain on my top. It's so flimsy. But it's so constricting at the same time. Waiting 14 hours for a paramedic to tell up would fuck you. I mean, that's a better response time than I get on grind anyway.

So Jimmy Wang you, Jimmy Wang you fuck sir. and then after he fucks her is like do you do trust George Liza be smash cut to George Liza be sitting outside on the other side of a show G screen smoking a cigar like an absolute Don like he's fully aware of something. Hey, because he can hear the music listening to someone fuck your girlfriend Yeah, he's And he said outside and he knows it's going on, because he can help. He's just, the shot is literally him just like placidly smoking a cigar while that music plays like slightly muffled. It's perfect.

Let me get quite interesting scene, which I, it doesn't really go anywhere but I do like it, but it's between Jenny and Detective Police Master Karatey. It's good. Who says, you know, we've got to protect the Queen, you've got to help us. And Jenny's like, I don't give a fucking shit about the Queen, because the Queen don't give a shit about me. Like, she says, I had a bunch of friends,

some of whom were like, they were fellow sex workers who got murdered, or like, brutalized, or like, made, or like raped, or like, brutalized into poverty. And like, does the Queen care, brutalized into poverty and like does the queen character or does the queen care about the people of Hong Kong in any way to which the response is like her response is just I'm and she don't worry about she she like it gets up on the side of a fountain to yell this and like she she gets a little crowd together yeah she's she's routing people a little

bit you get like a proper couple of moments of just like the Queen is a colonial, and Steve does not care about the colonial holdings, specific, well, the whole thing. And this is like people. No. Yeah, and this is like sort of obvious to everyone in Hong Kong apart from the English people. But then, just as I said this morning when I learned that Kim Petrus had touched down in London, the queen has arrived. Yes.

She's your ass, your ass, your ass. She does? Yeah. And this is all used like stock footage of the time she did a real state visit to Hong Kong. So they've just got like all this footage of the real queen showing up. Not bad. Yeah. And we see that the cops are like horribly overworked. We keep coming back to this one shot of the like police control room where the phones are all like ringing off the hook and stuff. Because they have to brutalize some refugees. Yeah, well they have to do volunteer

border force shit because two or three thousand refugees are trying to storm the Hong Kong peoples republic border and they have to divert all of the cops to do that. So, so then we get an unusual scene where Jimmy has been tasked to kill Jenny to silence her. So he picks her up and Detective Karate Master is following them. He then I think crashes his car. He places the world's largest tracking device on the back of Jimmy's Mercedes. And then just like, by coincidence, crashes his car.

This is the worst you can fuck up following someone, I think. Yeah, he definitely had to reload that mission because he definitely violated itself. He gets like an unrelated car. And it like just nudges the wall and completely explodes and he rolls away unharmed. I wrote this down as a car chase, but I don't think it is.

It's just sort of like, I don't have words to describe what it actually was. It has the music of a car chase, and it has the explosion at the end of a car chase, but the footage is just two cars driving. Yeah, this movie, it doesn't really make a lot of sense. There's actually a couple of scenes where it doesn't order chases.

There's one later on between like two people who are swimming and it's just the other. That's the two threatening music. You're like, it's pretty bad. I've never seen a swimming chase in a movie before. That's pretty creative. No, no, no. A guy gets arrested while swimming. Yeah, like two swimming cops.

Yeah, it just grab him. Like a false officer, Michael Pouls rocks up with books. This guy. But so we have to get a reveal, right? Jimmy drives her out into the middle of nowhere and he goes, Hey, I'm your brother and you're my long-lost sister. I went to Vietnam for unclear reasons and now I'm back. This is played with about the sort of dramatic tension with which I just read it. Yeah, I thought he was lying to her because I was like, oh, like you wouldn't say this like this if it was true. And I was like, oh, no, it's it is true.

He just fully star wars. Yeah. He gives her $40,000 in cash for some reason. I tell us how the plan, which is just our gang is assassinating the queen, which I might die in the course of trying to kill the queen, therefore take this and like start a new life or whatever. At this point, the gang themselves roll up. And I like, I've written in full account some of my notes, where's the kung fu? There is some. The kung fu arrives in weirdly in a station wagon in a mistake car. Let me give you the words that I would use to describe this and I'll tell you if it's

good or not. The laser beam allows all roll up in several cars and attack Jimmy with swords. It sucks shit. Good, right. Yeah, it sucks shit. Good, right? Yeah, sounds like all the names. Japanese guys obviously have katanas and attack Jimmy. He's doing kung fu on them. Georgian black rose tried to kidnap Jenny.

And like Jimmy and Jenny almost escaped. But then George shoots him off a dam into a river. Yeah, he has a comically long sort of Joker style revolver. Yeah, he does. You forget that Laysame can fucking fight though, until he likes to see you. He's really good. Ridley, despite the fact that we've seen in other movies,

Jimmy Wang, you'd be a better fighter. In this, maybe he's just off his game, maybe it's the direction, but George Laysame be is the best stunt fighter in this movie. Yeah, he is. It's not even close. Well, that's because as we established when he did James Wonders, he doesn't stun fight. He just punches people. He's just doing it for real. So barely got out of that movie alive.

So I was swinging the sword at me. Ram gets bitch made because detective police inspector master karate kicks him into a river. Well, he tries to kick him into a river, but what happens is that he doesn't quite do it. And so what you get is this beautiful shot of Ram throwing himself down in the bank man. Really? It's just time to do it. It's so good. I think man, he can't move that fast.

I feel like he would win these fights if we tried boxing. I just I don't know what he's doing Punch Look at you. You use your eyes. You're not just a show man. He's kicking and he's like the most top heavy man I've ever seen in my life and he always start kicking. He just wants a challenge But Jimmy's body, of course, is not recovered. No. And we have to go to plan C to kill the queen, which involves tinkering with a camera that looks at the most like a gun anyone has ever made that happen. Yeah, because it's it's so so George Laisenby introduces some free market innovation to the space of assassinated. Yes. He says that was disruptive. Yeah, he says, look, we're going to, instead of having one plan, we're going to split

into multiple competing teams. We'll try and assassinate the Queen in different locations. Whoever manages to do it gets the bonus. And I guess whoever goes first has the advantage. So there's like one team who we're going to try and shoot her in a stadium with a sniper rifle disguised as a long-lands camera. There's another team, led by Miyamoto, who are going to try and shoot her in a stadium with a sniper rifle disguises a long lands camera. There's another team led by me a moto who are going to plant some bombs underwater. Not just not just some bombs.

The way the subtitles describe this is they take a break from sort of not keeping up to describe this as the 3,000 pound diamond head bomb, which is the coolest martial arts attack available. Also a great band's name. I'm And head bomb just not just the diamond head bomb, the 3000 pound diamond head bomb. That's my drag name. I'm unlocking my cheese seals to unleash the 3000 pound diamond head bomb. Yeah, they're going to plant the 3,000 pound diamond head bomb under the floating restaurant,

and they're going to explode the queen that way. Yeah, I get that. I might do it too. Why not? Yeah, yeah. And then George Larson, he's just going to supervise, you know? Yeah. Classics.

At this point, we have to have a bit of a fight with the other queen in this movie, the Queen of Cambodia. I should note the Queen of Cambodia by, I played by Angela Mao, who is, it's just a legendary fighter. And for her to be in this movie and at like the 50 minute mark, to not have thrown a single punch yet, is most undisutilized. I've ever seen Angela Mao in all the sequence. Yeah, quite like this sequence. So we see that she's had a couple of like cute moments with the sort of the farmer's nephew. Yeah, Ducky. Ducky. And it's quite sweet actually that she's like, I want to go into the city and I want to, I'm sick of being cooped up with these bodyguards. I want to go into the city and see the Queen of England. And Ducky's like, oh, okay, I'll take you

and her bodyguards like, no, absolutely not, you're not going anywhere. And she defies her bodyguard and kind of like kicks his ass. In a way that makes Duckie go like, wow, you're amazing. It's quite sweet. Yeah, this is fun. There's, yeah, there's, there is a fun little comedy shot where she like kicks him in the, and on one side, and he like reels and then Duckie's like, leans out of the car and tries to hit him,

and he doesn't react at all, which I like. It's an ideal relationship balance, I would say. But so they go to the stadium to see the Queen, where the Queen is to be assassinated with the camera gun. Jen, who has decided to take the shot from the middle of a packed stands. Yes, yeah.

He's like setting the shit up on a tripod. It's the expedient of having Ram there just hold a fucking newspaper up around the gun I don't know yeah, I wouldn't say anything But I would say it like nice like I'm not crazy anyway I didn't say anything we get a shot with the with the are like, damn, we can't protect the Queen because she's too brave. Yes.

And she won't change her plans, no matter what we tell her about terrorists, which is, yeah, it falls about as flat as that. It's very patriotic. But they're about to take the shot. When the cops arrive, then they try and arrest them. Chen Long tries to take somebody in the crowd hostage. And of course, secretly, only been as to him, it's the queen of Cambodia, who knows Kung Fu and kicks his ass. Which point of the day?

Ram, do you want to tell us what Ram does? Ram does the thing from heat, and we haven't even seen heat yet. He just picks up the nearest child. Ram gets into a fight. First of all, this has brought me such joy. Like, first, far from the movie, I've been lagging. I've been only getting my energy by seeing Ram in the background. But at this point, we've got Angela Mao fist fighting

the biggest dude I've ever seen in my life. And like, finally, I'm breathing again. I've got energy. She wins the fight, naturally. And Ram escapes for you, running past a group of people and just like, like, goes past a bin and doubles back, just picks up a child and just runs like luggage. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't entirely clear what he was going to do. I was like, just he need a snack. Like, he's just. It's not clear what he's going to do. Does he get hit by the top five small thing from hate?

Yeah, and then you get hit by a bus. The kid is, we'll get to it. The kid is perfectly fine because Ram has absorbed 100% of the energy of this bus. Yeah. There's hit them both. That has been cut in half. Ram's a hospital. And the queen, having just been shot at, is like, fuck it on with the next thing.

Yeah. The thing is a cut. The thing is a cut. The thing is a cut. The thing is a cut. The two B-plots merge, right? Because Jenny fucking runs off from her bodyguard and ends up in the car with Ducky and with the queen of Cambodia.

Because women be wandering off, right? Also, when he chases her, he literally does the OSS run, complete with like skidding on your loafers and then like turning to the camera. So the next find to kill the Queen, which is by blowing up the flirting restaurant with a 3,000 pound diamond head balm, that's tomorrow.

So for tonight, Black Rose has to be racist to me a motor, which he is. And he claims to be a samurai, which he isn't. And then she tries to use George Laisenby. We get an incredible shot of George Laisenby's ass, where he is so caked. George Laisenby is, first of all, he is caked up. Second of all, he's in this shot. This entire scene takes place in a room with what I can only describe as like, I had our wallpaper.

It's weird as shit. And he goes like, don't underestimate the police. And then we get the second sexy, the longest sex scene. He like goes back to his room and he like looks straight into the mirror and he's like, I don't know if I can do this. No, of course. Yeah. And Black Rose is first move on him.

Nobody contact previous to us. She walks up to him and then puts a hand on his back and just slides it down the back of his trouts. It's called a brassing. And yeah, she's still the first. I don't know if I go straight for the butthole, but who do I know? What do I know? called Brassing and yeah, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she to get him to. Yes. Like, it's not a rape scene, I would say. It's not particularly of dubious consent, but what it is, it is kinky as shit is what it is. Yeah. So she deliberately winds him up whether or not she wanted to be struck, I don't know,

but he does in fact beat her. And then she's like, because she basically, she says, you know, she laid him in bed, and she's like, when you just do it, then you wear a man. And he's like, I'm George Laisenby and I speak Cantonese. Fuck you. Rips up and he's up and fucks her. Which is. Her line is you're a tiger before men, but a chicken before women. And then he fucks her. And he's like, yeah, he fucks her. Which. Yeah. That's the soundtrack.

He's like, his hands are like around, not around her neck, but like at her shoulders, like he's almost choking her. And I wonder if that's something that they are, like, what allowed to show. She's into it, though. She's just saying. Yeah, she is. It's like semi-comedy, even he cannot get hurt

as stop putting her hands on his face. She's like keep, she's turning his head, and he's like, stop fucking growing up. Come on. My hair. That's the phone call halfway through the sex from and who else but racial slur? That's right.

Racism lives alive. Yeah, else is alive. Jimmy, Jimmy and racial slur are hanging out weirdly. Yeah, they're hanging out in a hotel room just doing language barrier proof. When Rachel Slurah is on the phone, Jimmy comes up behind him and pretends to strangle him. And they play fight.

And Rachel Slurah kills him with a finger gun. It's cute. It's funny. Oh, it's like, we're the child. That too, but cross cultural to drive, I suppose. Yeah, it makes sense. And when I remember that these two characters are supposed to not speak the same language. And then I'm like, Oh, yeah, okay. So not everyone actually speaks country. Yeah. Well, your guys are out here learning Cantonese.

They're trying to interrogate Ram, right? Chen Long is that because Ram's dead. Chen Long, excuse me, they're trying to interrogate Chen Long. Yeah. And they're like, we're explaining this sniper rifle to me. The triggers have been disconnected. It wouldn't have fired. What, why is that? And he bites down on a suicide, too. A thing that I would hate to have, you see that in the Loosemoves to like, I had tooth filled with cyanide, I would be so fucking scared. You know, I get like a fucking chocolate chip and a thing of ice cream, whatever, and I'm like, well, that's it, it's over for me. That would be quite funny actually.

Yeah, it's just like in the middle of a restaurant. Yeah. I imagine they're like quite similar to stage blood capsules in that they are very difficult to pop unless you're doing it deliberately. I wouldn't know. I would hate it. I would fucking hope so. Hey, I'll tell you the other thing, I would hate to deliberately crack a tooth.

I'd hate to do that. Oh, yeah. Imagine like finding down on your own tooth. Yeah, but like at any time I felt any kind of like cracking or popping sensation in my mouth, like I would be terrified of be that's fucking it You're eating like a crunchy bar and you're like I'm dead. I'm done. I'm out tonight Yeah, every every bite it would be incredibly funny to deploy it last eating pussy however Well the way the way that Chen Long deploys it the fucking the

Well, the way the way that Chen Long deploys it, the fucking, the, like, froth the cyanide froth looks so much like cum. And it just, like, comes out of his mouth and, like, a perfect, sort of, like, pussed gum. You should look at that. That does not... I would... No, nothing like cum doesn't have bubbles, like fucking cum. What? What is it? Effervescing. What are you fucking talking about? You've been tasting sparkling cum, Adir. Wow, what are you f**king talking about? We've been tasting sparkling c'mon.

Yeah, what are you tasting? Who are you tasting still come like a pettus? Yes, I prefer c'mon original. I like that shit. It's good. You've got a sparkling c'mon. No, you've got a sparkling c'mon. No, you've got a sparkling c'mon.

Listen, I'm normal. I'm normal thing to say. It's like I'm not as comfortable installed in my balls. Yeah, the new soda stream thing is quite well. I'm not an angry inch. We'll get to that. So the lads, the lads, the lads stand, the undersea bomb. Yeah, the motor's gonna slam the undersea bomb. But then we see that it's all a setup because George, Jimmy, Black Rose and Rachel Slur are all working together. Assassinating the queen is just a distraction.

What they actually want to do is steal the fucking gold from the Cambodian. Yeah, this is a good twist to me. I honestly went for a second seat that's coming. It's good. I always wanted to see. Yeah, I didn't see any of it. I didn't see this coming. The other twist coming here, which is so,

detective inspects of police chief, man. Yeah, he chases this car that, you know, a duck he had been driving into the foothills, comes down the next day and sees, you know, the queen of Cambodia like hosts them both for the night. Afterwards, Jenny is like, God, what's her fucking line? I'll never forget last night

and such a pretty Cambodian lady, which, yeah, seeing missing. Can you hit me with that music again, though? get last night and such a pretty Cambodian lady, which um, yeah. Seeing missing. Can you hit me with that music? Thank you. Um, at this point, Miyamoto, Miyamoto is arrested by the swimming police. Well, we'll get there. We'll get the rid of order because the, the, um, the cop stops the car, right? And he's like, he gets Jenny back. He explains that he's an undercover cop and Ducky goes, yeah, so what's my?

You know, I've just been poking around, you know, in the hills for like no reason. And I like that, I didn't see that coming either. You messed that happen. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, it doesn't have that much effect on the movie. Or the previous movie either. Well, also because by this point, the subsides

was a down to saying things like, I thought they squid strike into. Yeah, I didn't really know what was going on at this point. The girl beside you is my flatness. Yeah, the subtitles are getting worse, but to be fair, it's the less necessary at this point because now all that's left is like 80 guys all fight, which sometimes is getting tired. Yeah, me and I also tried to like blow out, he tried to detonate the

3000 pound diamond head bomb, gets arrested, one of his guys makes a swim for it and the two scuba cops just like chase him down and then like grab him and arrest him but like scuba style. Yeah, got to arrest you scuba style. I'm gonna write to me. It's not gonna have interest down there. And then we get 80 guys fighting because our gang, our real gang drive the trucks up to the Cambodians compound. Yeah. You got a big gun fight. Jimmy rolls sideways out of the way of two consecutive gunshots, which I like. We're now in the new zone again.

We're back, baby. It's taken a bit to gin up, but we're in a dev and zone now. And they killed the Cambodians. They get the gold, but then the fucking army shows up and they have to make a run for it. Yeah, because the cops are on top of this, because authority can't be seen to be defeated. However, when the cops show up, they immediately crest a hill, which I know is a sort of a Bet noir for Abby.

Love crest a hill. I've got to crest two hills. Yeah, I love to sit on that myself immediately. It's around the hill. No, crest it. I'm gonna crest that hill. It's quicker. I can round it. I can't do it.

Also, what is funny is that they get in a gun fight with the army and at one point we see two guys setting up a fucking mortar. Yeah, that never comes back, but it's nice for it to end there. We spend the whole battle setting it up and never go to use it. I know. And Ray just look, it's killed, sadly. He does. For real this time.

Let's get one of my favorite tropes in any martial arts movie, something which you have to do when you write yourself into a corner, everyone either decides or is forced to throw their guns away. And we get like four shots in sequence of like everyone's guns, either like jamming or running out of ammunition, or just simply, you know, the guy gets disgusted with carrying it and throws it down and it gets it.

It's like, it's out of me and it ends or some shit like, all right, gun time is over now. It's time to all split off into twos and do a fight. You mean, you have a fist fight with a Cambodian soldier, which is pretty good. Kill them with a throwing knife. And George fights the Queen of Cambodia, and she hands him his ass, actually. He's enormous, shapely ass. So yeah, okay.

Let's, right, Jimmy is wearing a red t-shirt and double denim. Denim flares and denim jacket, and he's fighting a guy who's wearing camo, which is like one of you's thought about the environment even slightly. And the other one's wearing camera. Yeah, everyone's wearing camera. There's a very long sequence where George Layzenbeath fights Angela Mao and it's so good. In fact, I've recorded it and I'll be posting it on the free feed because there's no other way you'd ever find this. I'll be putting that

on the Twitter. So it's just so good. It's all worth it. Finally, so worth I can see. Layson be fight. George, Layson for Peter by throwing a rock at a head. Yeah, the Kirk methods. It's over on Froze, a rock from a reclined position and just like walks around the head of it and then runs up to her and just starts doing like the thing of punching down onto the ground and you're like, oh Christ, no, I'm a... LazyBee additionally at this point has white flares and his hip firing and SMG. Yes, it's a good... So cool. At this point, this movie basically ends like hamlet, but worse.

Yes. So Jimmy tries to fucking escape with his sister, but then Black Rose shoots at them and the cop with a submachine gun, causing Jimmy to jump off the bridge and cut her fucking arms off with a sword. Yeah, because she shoots and kills or she shoots and wounds, Jenny, Jimmy attacks with a sword cuts her arms off. Yeah, so what they're both of groups here, which is Black Rose, Jimmy and George and Ducky and Jenny all arrive at either side of this bridge. Jenny's like, oh my god, you're alive.

And he's like, yes. And knowing that Ducky's an undercover cop, Black Rose just opens fire. And Jimmy, like, please stop shooting. He had to kill my sister. I can't hear him over the bullets. And he's like, like, just, please stop shooting here to kill my sister. I can't hear him over the bullets. And he's like, well, the only thing to do here now is to jump off this bridge and cut her arm off

with a samurai sword. She does. Which is like earlier when he cut her top off with a samurai sword on the, like, literally, live by the sword, die by the sword. Also at this point, detective chief police, it's not Duckie, it's Detective Police Inspector Corrine expert. Detective Corrine's the expert, then pairs off to fight Laisenby just like in the water.

So we got to fight Laisenby. This one's so good. Very, very wet Laisenby. Fucks. Yeah, this bit of folks, Laisenby wins the fight. He comes up to the bridge where he sees that Jimmy is carrying Jenny off in his arms. And he's like, Jimmy, where the fuck you go in, man, I've got 10 tons of gold and need your help. And Jimmy is like, I'm going to carry her to the closest hospital.

And he turns his back. And then, yeah, and George, and then shoot some. Shoot some a comical number. I have also recorded the sequence where George shoots him because it's very very short Reverse shot shot reverse it to He shoots him and then it cuts he shoots him once in the back and it cuts to a bunch of like army guys running down the hill And then it cuts back to George where he shoots him again in the back back to the army guys slightly further down He'll back to George and he shoots him again from a third position and he'll back to George and he shoots him again from a third position.

Like he swaps grip between. Oh, this is so good. I wanted this to go on for half an hour. So he should've done the legs like one behind the head. Like, yeah, it's in the Harlem Gloatross. Yeah. Yeah, so good.

Yeah, I guess I didn't understand that they're meant to be all to let's like, the actor gives you alternate takes. You're not meant to use all of them. I'd so good. So George still escapes. And at this point, we get some fantastic action movie medicine because the army and the cops arrive.

And they tend to Jimmy. And their first action is to give a guy who's been shot 50 times in the lungs a cigarette. Yeah, you could do that in the 70s. You could do that. Yeah, you could. It was legal. It was gay if he won. You could do that in the 70s. Yeah. You could. It was legal. It was gay if he won.

That's why paramedics are gay. They hardly ever give you a cigarette. That's right. Sure. I should. Yeah. And he gets some more patriotism. And he's like, we never wanted to kill the queen.

She's brave and pretty. What on what planet? Mid. Mid. Queen's mid. And he's like, just that for me catch George Laisenby. He's gonna be at the airport We then cut to the airport where George Laisenby was the biggest face and a looks yeah the biggest sexiest headphones I've ever heard just listening to a boom box And he looks good as hell too is he's wearing the classic man from Hong Kong

ladies and be full suit winged collar. Yeah. And then the cops just like tapping on the shoulders like well, time for me to get arrested, I guess. Your Nick to mate. We get a really weird bit. Yeah, the weird bit is George Lason be then turned to the camera and goes, this is fine because you don't have capital punishment, so I don't fear jail. And the cop goes, that's okay. We will make capital punishment legal again. The end of the movie. The implication be, being like in the handover, when we don't control Hong

Kong anymore, we'll bring it back. That's right. At the time of the film, that's not going to be for a while man. Don't worry. 1997, you know. We will bring back couple of funatures. And it's like, dude, it's all folks. It is a very odd ending for George Hsieby, like, I do not feel present because I will not be killed. The cops like, we will kill you. And it like zooms in on the hand and that's the end of the movie. It's like, all right.

Tada, da da, da da da da. Are we rating? Are we rating this one? This is a free episode. I think we have to. Yeah, why not? This is the main line episode. So we have the sides.

Well, first of all, we have to award, we have to award the Brian Cox Memorial Award and intelligence to Goon. Yeah, the Cambodian Queen to the Goon. Did anyone go above and beyond in the cause of killing Queen? Let's put this aside. I feel like George Lasemy went above and beyond in the cause of killing Jimmy Wang Yu.

Like, those extra shots really add a sort of insult to engineering. You're the protagonist in this movie because it's the close because they didn't really have like a concrete singular protagonist. I feel like Chen Long killing himself rather than being taken in. They literally would just like Chen Long. This sniper rifle is not going to work. You've been set up and he goes, damn, and then kills himself immediately.

I don't know. That's pretty good. Damn, that's crazy. You got need like really brittle foods. You're like getting you like peanut bristle and you like, you know, hard toffee that kind of thing. You got a heart attack. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Fine.

I got right. Chen Long, that's a chance team. Why not? I have a knife. Good night, Cross. I don't think we have a good night cross, but we do have a science based system. What's the set about? It's called a scum. It's called a scum.

That it's cool to wear flared like double denim at all times. And that's a fucking moral you can take to the bank. It's gator-yous scissors. Should bring back capital punish. Should bring back this. Let a martiala. I'm using capital punish. Should bring back this. Let her martial art. I'm using a different clip of that every time. The Queen is brave and pressing.

Yeah. Only more. Yeah, now the Queen Consul's coming up. What's going on? What's happening here? Made. Made. George Laisen be out of Hong Kong jail, assembling a sniper rifle outside Balmoral.

Like current George Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm sure it's something. He got it. Yeah, she was going to die anyway. Like the second before they pull the plug on her, he is like, bullet comes whistling in through the window. Like, because you make a vow, you make a vow of honor. We have a science-based system.

It's called the scum system for SMARM cultural incentives, the Amprovoke Violence Misogyny. How SMARMy is this How SMAMI is this movie? How SMAMI is this movie? Can you hit me with that music one more time, David? Yeah, just the once more. I feel like that gets at a couple of points. Yeah, I feel like this is so like orthogonal to my concept

of SMAM, as I understand it. So I feel like I should be giving it like a lesser instead, like Q, you know? Yeah. I want to give it a couple of points for the 70s by the music is good. There's a bunch of scenes where everyone's wearing like 70s clothing and again, that does fill me with joy.

I want to give it a point for the father Jimmy while he used character is named Shark, which is just. And that never comes up again, either. They're like, he's like a shark, and then he never... He literally died at me. And Mota has the diving guy.

It's so funny. He's introduced by the... He doesn't buy the... He's literally introduced diving, and he doesn't dive at any point past like his introduction. It's literally just like, because it sounds cool. Yeah, check this out.

You see, he jumps the shark. Can we give it a three or four? I'll give it a four, yeah. Yeah, sure. Culture. Culture in sensitivity. You're fucking me. I can't even say the name of it.

It's pretty high. I don't know. It's kind of weird. It's kind of weird about Cambodians as well. Japanese people, like the samurai sh. Japanese people, yeah, it's a pretty fucking racist movement. You'll be like, sit or nine. Seven?

Okay, seven. Seven, four marks, four marks. We've never had a situation in the podcast where we cannot even name one of the characters. That's too dangerous to say I wait up for a previous character because the character Cooley in Oh yeah, right That is, I guess, yeah, so perhaps this level No, never to this level

Unprovoked violence Man, not enough. What do you, I wanted more. Tidious, tedious, this more. It's more like, there is some unprovoked violence in the sense that like a kung fu fights do erupt, but they would not in real life. But unprovoked violence is supposed to be like immoral.

They're supposed to be sort of immoral dimension to it. I really think so. The police do any like the police interrogate quite widely, don't they? Yeah, like, yeah, Chet Long has bruises on him, but I think that's just because where he got kicked in the face by, uh, by the queen. Yeah. Queen. Yeah, but Queen Elizabeth, the side's pretty low for a kung fu movie. There's going to be some that will be covered under misogyny.

Yeah, it could be a one even, I think. Yeah, I started to shave for a kung fu film, but there we go. And misogyny. Oh, well, um, black rose, black rose. We're going to exist to get fucked. Yeah, yeah. I got that one. I mean, it's. Women exist to be fucked. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's women exist to be fucked.

There you go. She's quite a remarkably good recreation. Same cadence. Yeah. Very nice. That's a professional actor. Yeah, when I give you multiple tapes, you're not meant to use all of them. I got like three or four more times.

I, yeah, I don't know. I, that's, that's some, but on the other hand, I do appreciate the, that, like they give female martial artists a shit to do. Yeah. The, the doth of which was the reason why the landlady and come through the house, it wasn't working for like 20 years, you know, I like seeing Angela Mowdo shit. She's, she's not really a sexual object. She's an object of romance, but she's not like

ever really sexualized. Black Rose is, however, she does have some agency and she also does get to like, choose a bunch of guys for the submachine gun, which I don't know. When we think about her like a four. Yeah, I think so. Three or a four. I mean, it does have a girl blast in it

because it's got the green in it. That's true. How would it feel about three or a four? Yeah, keep your boss. I do a four, certainly. Four it is. That gives us a total score of 16, which is pretty middle of the road.

Kind of towards the deep end. Yeah. The thing about this movie is that it isn't good. I wouldn't recommend watching it. Yeah, this is for the content. Don't worry, you don't have to recommend not watching it. This is impossible to find. We went so far out of our way to watch this.

It's about average for a James Bond film. That's kind of true. If you're feeling more keeping score at home. It's kind of true James Bond films. I'm not sure if anyone's keeping score at home. It's kind of the same score as never say never again. This is one of three movies that George Liesman be made with Golden Harvest in Hong Kong. We've seen the man from Hong Kong. If now seeing this, the only one that remains to be seen is Stona.

I have that. I have that. I've already got that on hand. That's in the back pocket perfect brilliant unfortunately We must return to I have watched and I'd like to just my my letterbox review of Stoner for the two of you compared to these two is there's more kung fu and there's more of this And that's yeah, that's pretty good. And Anglomer has things to do. Angola?

Which is German Angola, Mal has things to do. Angola, Mal. Angola, Mal. Just takes you. Anyway, speaking of German women, we have another podcast record, so we'd better go. We do. We do. We do.

It's going to be about German women. It's going to be a head-fick in the angry. And subscribe to the Patreon. It's going to be great. And we will see you next time. Goodbye. Yeah Thank you for listening to yet another episode of kill james bond I've got to stop saying yet another makes it feels like this whole thing is dragging when in reality This is some of the most fun that I've ever had in my life. Not this specific episode though, with Christ.

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