Upstream - S3E3: OSS 117: Panic in Bangkok

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

This week, as if to karmically reward us for weathering Fx-18, the universe rewards us with a perfect Moore-era bond film- except it's french and released in 1964! Join OSS 117 as he travels to Thailand to investigate missing vaccines, and gets drawn into conflict with an evil magus named Dr Sin... ------ THE MOVIES ARE ON STRIKE! SAG-AFTRA is on strike for a number of reasons, from pay for streaming residuals, to the rights to own your own appearance, to the right to not have AIs trained off your work. So if you've got a few spare pennies, why not chip in to help keep movies from becoming Shit Forever. https://entertainmentcommunity.org/ https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/the-snacklist-support-striking-workers IATSE workers are struggling at the moment as well, as they can't work during the current strike actions but aren't themselves on strike- the Motion Picture Television Fund is a 501(c)3 charity that provides a range of assistance. https://mptf.com Additionally, SAG and WGA members started another 501(c)3 charity called The Union Solidarity Coalition - https://tusctogether.com And if you're in the UK, the UCU could still do with some help https://www.ucu.org.uk/fightingfund ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Excusez-moi. episode of Kill James Bond I'm Alex Coulthard-Kelly, I'm joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon How you doing? Listeners, you didn't see that but Devon just lifted their arms to wave at you and then I remembered half a second later that you can't see them First of all, I'm trying to get the energy up

I'm excited Catching strays in the first minute I was asleep moments ago i'm trying to get myself in the mood for this um but hi how you doing everyone i'm waving like it's cbbc that's right and it's the season of solidarity we're working out we're working our way through the imdb list of every euro spy movie until we run out of Strike or we run out of movie and so far we are up to... Or something else.

Yeah, something else happens. Until something else happens. Anyway, we are doing a movie that has about five titles, none of which I remember. It's the second OSS Sandi set with Kerwin Matthews, and I have it down as OSS Sandi set Panic in Bangkok. Devon has it down as, like, fucking Shadow of Evil. Shadow of Evil. Shadow of Evil, which I think, yeah.

Not sure, pulled that out of their ass, I think. Yeah, in French it's like a bonko, a bonkok, which, yeah, it's fucking joke language. I like this one. It's good, It's good! It was good! I had a good time, is what happened with this one. You know we didn't sigh when we started this episode. That's usually how you can tell. I've been, like, fucking, like, clicker-trained by these movies now,

so I'm just, like, the whole time I watch one, I'm on tenterhooks waiting for the time for- waiting for, like like the guy to come out and blackface or something right but instead the whole time i'm just like no this is fine it's a sort of middle tier roger moore era bond movie inexplicably in french yes that's exactly what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In 1960... Four. Four. Yeah. Same year as Goldfinger. Which is... Oh, God! Really? In France!

France was, like, a decade ahead of the UK in bond technology. Yeah, God. They were making bonds the likes of which we had no idea. We had no clue. If the next one has skiing in, in 1965, we will know that they were ripping off of SS or DSET. Yeah, they had the sort of access to the time machine for this.

But no, so we begin, as is classic, as is sooner for us, with a 009. We have to. I love that this guy is in a car, driving in front of a projector screen. He's like wiggling the steering wheel and not turning at all it's beautiful i gotta talk about the wiggling because when you watch this movie one thing that's immediately apparent is every single car is like bouncing up and down like crazy like both in the shots that they do effects for and in the location shots and i don't know whether this is just because 1964 th had, like, very bad roads,

I don't know whether because it's the suspension was tuned wrong or something, but, like, this motherfucker is bouncing up and down the road like a kangaroo. They had very bouncy cars in the 60s, I don't know. Bouncy, bouncy. And... Suspension made of jelly. That's right. He's bouncing up and down in Bangkok.

And of course, we do have to get some obligatory kind of racist Asian style music just to kind of set the scene. Yeah. Yeah. The music in this film is incredible. This is the bit that I didn't like so much. But generally speaking, it's really good. Also, something else which I noticed is that all as the titles are appearing like film do whatever um they're all in like really brightly colored letters and i was like why that just seems like totally out of place it's so weird that you'd

have and then i realized oh it's because this film's in color and they're really excited about that yeah yeah 100% look at all the colors we could do the last car in Matthew's OSS from last year was black and white so they're just excited about it he's in Technicolor yeah this guy who's bouncing along

in his trifle car is 009 he gets to a hotel room and is immediately killed he doesn't get into the hotel i think he just gets out and is shot oh yeah i do remember right they do him like dr no style right there's two guys right and they have developed a flawless assassination technique which is one of you drives the car one of you leans out the car window with a Sten gun, and you just shoot the guy. Nobody pretends to be blind.

No, no. You just shoot him. Yeah, and it works perfectly. They clap as that. Like, honestly, I had a bit of face blindness in this opening sequence because I know they're going to recast OSS Saint-Ducet a bunch of times. So for a second, I was just like, is that OSS? You just killed about bonnie

like he's just dead now no it would be a classic bond fake out though it's like me at the start of all the connery bonds it's been like oh fuck they killed jb oh it's just a different guy who happened to have the same initials that's right no this is this is french 009 christopher something don't remember the rest of his name Christopher Lemon brother of Jack and well remembered and they kill his ass dead at which point we go to

I guess New York like to get briefed yeah once again this guy is from Louisiana yes we get a classic scene where M says Bond here's the deal with this movie. Because OSS Somnisset is on the firing range.

He's doing like, he's a great shot. Gets called in to see M. M's like, OSS Somnisset, the film has begun, which means 009 is dead. And he was investigating some labs in Thailand where vaccines are produced. They are produced on like getting too close to the truth about the vaccines yeah yeah yeah and these vaccines are getting shipped to india and then people in india are mysteriously getting sick um they're all made in this lab in

bangkok so go to bangkok fuck around and find out yeah exactly see exactly. See what's up. We're told that these vaccines come from the Hogby Laboratories, which is a fucking Hobby Lobby ass name, but because it's French it's Ogby. This dude is supposed to be English, this Ogby dude, later on. Do you know what we don't get? Ooh, uh... We don't get a queue scene. Don't get a queue scene? Don't get a moneypenny! Or a moneypenny scene! He doesn't sexually harass anyone in the office because oss somebody said is has learned his lesson from the last film not to sexually harass anyone or his boss will simply cockpock him but also because he's too gay to a mandatory training seminar he has watched a 45 minute dvd about how he's making his female co-workers

uncomfortable yeah and he doesn't get any gadgets, because OSS already said well, he does have one gadget later on. That's very stupid. That's great. That's the briefing. This dude's been killed, go replace him, go find out what the deal is with these vaccines or whatever. What are they putting in the microchips in the vaccines?

I just fucking got that. So he gets on, presumably, an Air France flight, gets to the airport, and we get, honestly, one of the all-timers in terms of, like, airport scenes. Mm-hmm, a classic. Yeah, because he gets off the plane, and there is the most spy-looking motherfucker waiting for him. And as he goes past, this guy takes a little photo of him on his little camera.

He's wearing sunglasses. This motherfucker. I think both Dev and I have a lot to say about this. This is the funniest conceivable thing. First of all, he takes this photo on the camera. We'll just say what happens, then I'll do the reveal. He takes the photo on the camera. I know it says something, so that goes out.

This guy's clearly taking a spy camera photo of me because he's a spy. Goes over and just bashes the thing out of his hand. And he's a spy goes over and just like bashes the thing out of his hand and it's just like oh i'm so sorry i must have ruined it but it's it's a 120 film medium format he unfurls this whole roll of 120 films like oh sorry it looks like your film got fogged and i'm like i feel that spy's pain in that moment. I know how much those fucking rolls cost. And he's just like, oh, yeah, the whole thing's just fogged. Crazy. But then...

He's shooting, like, a Voigtlander Besser as well, man. It's like a 6x9. He wants negatives that are, like, this fucking way. Like, 6cm large. It's like a 120 rangefinder with, like a bellows lens people use microfilm for a reason it's just a really big implausibly large like image it's like the spy agency that employs this guy it's like i want to see this motherfucker's paws right there's a guy in the airport waiting with a 70 millimeter imax camera yeah it's, I think I'm getting spied on here.

Yeah, you get off the plane and a guy throws a cloak over himself and you see the flashbulb go off. Is this the guy who takes the man from Uncle Glossy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he bullies the guy for shooting 120, which is correct, and then he doubles down on this, he gets a little Minox tiny camera out of his coat pocket, and he takes a photo of the guy and is like, Hey, do you want me to send you an enlargement of this?

And it's just like, ooooh, fucking 120 cells seething over Minox chads. It's just such a dickhead thing to do! To get your little tiny spy camera out and be in front of someone's face. That's such a cunt thing to do. I really like it. It's also so funny to be like, hey, what's your address?

I want to send you this photo. Yeah. Because he uses that line a few times in the upcoming scenes. Is that a thing that people did? I don't know. Enlargement. Do you want an enlargement?

He does this because, right. Enlarge my penis. He goes to, well, first of all, he's going to go and get a cab. He does a good Sherlock Holmes thing. He gets the second cab instead of the first one, thereby thwarting, although we never see this, the guy in the first cab who presumably had the, like, you know, remote locking doors, fucking gas coming into the back system just ready to go that guy's sitting up front just like it's so fucking hard to get

those installed in a new cab yeah yeah yeah um and so he gets in an even tinier shittier bouncier cab um he drives to the hotel my notes say 60s thailand looks really nice they've got these like um at the risk of commercialism like flashing neon signs for a bunch of different brands i really like them yeah yeah i really like them yeah i i miss having a big flashing neon sign that's like a coke bottle or something you know yeah so he he drops off his his luggage at the hotel and then immediately goes to christopher lemon's office yeah i go to see our man in thailand basically he goes to see a karen bay character and then he's like bb bb white woman

detected he like fucking because he hasn't nonced anyone yet he hasn't even nonced anyone in the airport and part of the reason why is because they're all thai and this movie is too racist to think that you can nonce a thai woman so he like has to zero in on the nearest European who is like walking into work. And he literally just like goes up with his fucking shitty little Minox camera, follows her into a lift, takes a photo of her, and then does the same line again, where he's like, hey, do you want me to bring an enlargement of this over? How about I bring an enlargement of my penis? Stop enlarging people, you freak!

Like, you can't do this! Yes, you can. Enlarges your shit. Also, this is one of, like, three times in the movie where I'm like, they took this and made it a joke in the new one. And you remember in OSS, someone said, Rio never repents pas, where he has the fucking camera, and then at the end of the movie

it turns out he's just been taking photos of like women's arses and stuff oh god it shows all the photos and the credits god I remember yeah yeah yeah it's from this because they watched the original movies back and they decided which bits they were going to steal it makes me so happy to see it but yeah so he goes to meet

Ali Karim Bey who is well so first of all he gives this woman his business card and she like tears it up, doesn't speak to him, ignores him. Her name is Ava and her boss is our man in Thailand, Mr. Lee Cock. Yes. Who then briefs him. Really funny because he's like following this woman in and she's just like, she walks into the office and is like,

why are you fucking following me? Like yells the boss just be like get this motherfucker out of here he comes out and he goes get out and your bear's like no he's like oh all right come on in so he he briefs the guy and he's like yeah we don't know what the fuck's up with these vaccines, but they're all being made at this one lab. I really like this scene because I think in a Bond film this would have been quite functional. It would have basically just been another, like, here's the briefing thing. But the way they, the way Coen Matthews plays it, the vibe is he doesn't think these guys are serious enough to figure out what's going on. He's just playing with his desk toys. He doesn't think these guys are serious enough to figure out what's going on. He's just playing with his desk toys.

He's just walking around his office, picking up little tchotchkes off of the shelves and being like, yeah, sure. May as well be filing his nails or something, you know? Yeah. But he wants to be introduced to high society in Bangkok. And to Professor Hogley. Yes.

So Lee Kok says, we'll make you an appointment with my secretary, and then we'll get you to this like US embassy party where you can meet all of the like, hoi polloi. At which point, he goes, do you think you can trust your secretary? And then pulls a like, ultimate move, where he's like, the whole time he's like, oh, is she trustworthy? You know, considerate? Is she like, you know? Does she smell good?

He's backing towards the door. And as soon as the guy's like, yeah, yeah, I think she's pretty trustworthy, he slams the door open. She's standing right there listening in, clearly. It's like, it's just a bit. I think it's pleasant. Like, it's fun.

He's having a great deal of fun with it. Yeah, absolutely. And then we meet a guy who I really like. Which guy is this? We meet Mr. Sonsack. Yes. He needs a local sidekick. And so he goes and he meets the guy who used to work for 009.

Yeah, 009's friend and colleague, Mr. Sonsack. He's a Thai guy the character's Thai I don't know about the actor and he's gonna be helping OSS on the set while he's in town he's gonna come back later and I love him goodnight Cross for this guy he's really fucking cool

and then he gets in a car and he travels straight to Hogby Labs and my notes say Bond would have checked into the hotel but OSS Somnideset gets right to work straight off the plane. There's no like let's go to the bar or let's walk around my hotel room on the theme song place. He's just like straight down

to business. And of course they stonewall him at the laboratories. They're like but your secretary called to like cancel the appointment. He's like interesting. I definitely will like follow up on this later goes to leave well he gets he gets followed by goons on the way to the lab way too yeah okay on the way to the lab he's followed by goons and then he like jumps out of the the taxi and

tells the taxi driver keep going and then the taxi driver gets fucking shot yeah he gets this dude killed yeah for no reason and when he does he like a second later goes past sees the crashed taxi of the guy he just got killed and makes a little like face and then just continues with this day which is so fucking insulting bro come on man yeah it could have felt a little bit worse about that maybe um it is funny though because all of the cabs he's getting in are like tiny as we've discussed tiny little bouncy cars he gets in a truck

and it's the best fucking truck I've ever seen in my life it's incredible yes I took like several screenshots of this because I want this fucking truck so bad cannot be road legal but it's just like baby blue up front, like a Chrysler front,

and the whole thing was, like, wood all the way back. You'd love a baby blue. Would you drive this in your baby blue towel romper? Yes, I would, actually. I do love baby blue. You could make most of a vehicle out of wood until, like, you know, the 90s. You need seatbelts.

It's a renewable resource. Absolutely not. But when it gets to Hogby Labs, they say say somebody called and cancelled your appointment i'm sorry i know you've been on the waiting list for five years but somebody's fucked up um and also professor hogby's out of town so so get fucked uh you know the three years you spent waiting for the other one don't count most helpful receptionist yes yeah so he's got no choice but to go back to the hotel. Yes. So then he has a sort of understanding

that they're going to try and break into his hotel room, right? Classic goon activity. So he enlists Sonsack, right? His 009's friend. He's like, all right, can you just watch my hotel room for a bit? I got you a stack of magazines. And my one gadget. If shit gets weird, what you've gotta do is you've gotta grab this copy of, like, Great

Expectations or whatever, and then there's an aerial that extends from the book, which is the funniest fucking thing! You just gotta, like, press press this button and it will like summon me through a pack of cigarettes in my pocket which will start beeping and i'll know that's his gadget he's just got a book that has a button on it when you press the button on the book it makes his cigarette packet beep it's just like i can see this man it's like if this is the same year remember as as sean connery was given a gadget that was an aston martin with a fucking ejector seat only for the front passenger

like yeah i will take the weird general gadget over the insanely hyper specific one any day of the week yeah i mean of course french kids are not like lining up to play with their like book aerial place they were all about it they were selling it in every store every toys toys shows and cigarettes that be the cigarettes that alert you instantly yeah um so so at this point he leaves sunset there and he goes to the embassy and we have this what what kind of white tie are they wearing because i've never seen this variation of white tie before so yeah they're not wearing bow ties they're wearing a kind of like a like a cravat almost the only thing i've ever seen like it is like um uh like the female like dress uniforms for of the u.s military have a kind of similar under collar cravat thing you're that's such a specific pull that only you could have made that and that's so good i've never ever seen it worn by a man

before even like uh everyone's wearing like white tuxedos uh and these like black cravat things um and we have this like embassy party and i love this aesthetic it's the same as the video game spy party in a lot of ways and it you know there's some fun jazz music he runs into the secretary again along with leacock um and then he tries to kiss her she says no and then he's like did you cancel the hogby meeting and she's like uh uh no yeah he legitimately, no. Yeah. He legitimately greets her by, like, wolf whistling at her, too, which is remarkable in, like, polite company in 1964. But at this point, we have to be introduced to our villain, who appears in... Oh, my God, dude.

...a fit. This is... Oh, my God. Yeah, man. First of all, incredible name, Dr. Sin. Great. Great. Two Ns like the German watch company. Now we're hitting.

This is the stuff I'm here for. Dr. Sin. Johnny to his friends. Dr. Sin might... Fuck me. I'm going to take a minute to recover from that. I'm just getting my composure. This dude's called Dr. Sin.

He's so clearly evil. He looks if you cast apocalypse now era marlon brando to play professor quirrell in harry potter one yes oh my god that's so good it's so good you're like oh shit he might be doing brown face but i will say white turban with a white tuxedo is a fucking killer look. It's really good. He never wears a turban again after this. He just does it for this one. It was like his costume, right? Yeah, we do establish that he's a bit of a poser

because our man in Thailand because he always has somebody who says like, yo, is that the villain of the film? And he's like, yeah, that's the villain of the film. Dr. Sin, he's a healer, magician, hypnotist, magus. He's a fucking wizard. he's a healer magician hypnotist magus he's a fucking wizard he's a wizard yeah he is a wizard what he's called dr sin he's a wizard don't worry about it dames love him we're told yeah women love him at this point he he like inveigles an introduction to dr sin

and what happens next is another thing that's a call back in a lace in like the modern oss that thing remember the bit in the first OSS-Sonduzette thing. Remember the bit in the first one where they're just trading nonsense proverbs? Yeah! They do this! Because like, Dr. Sin shows up and he's like, from the mystical Orient, not specified, and so he says, like, the future's an illusion, the past, also an illusion, the present, possibly an illusion, much to think about. And because OSS Sanduset is like game and witty, he's like, oh yes, that reminds me of an Old West proverb.

And the like Wild West proverb, his cowboy philosophy is, the egg is in the bird as the bird is in the egg what you're so right bestie so what what's what's going on so yeah he kind of like introduces him to like uh it's like very very rudimentary and wrong buddhism and this guy's like that's crazy here's a cowboy saying i love this it's so good it's perfect yeah i love dr sin this is such a step up the last one was like yeah just like an okay film about something and this one yeah this is a big level effect like mid mid-era roger mortier like mid-uncle good stuff but the other thing about dr sin is that he has a woman with him uh this is lila sin um a woman who is ambiguously ethnic but still white enough to be an acceptable target for seduction in this movie. And he turns on the charm, and let me tell you, I genuinely, this is well written, right,

because he's been dancing with Eva, the secretary, before this, and he's like, you're a blonde with green eyes, the woman I dream of is always a blonde with green eyes, and she's like kind of charmed. Then, he like immediately ditches her for for lila sin and he's like you're a brunette with green eyes the woman i dream of is always a brunette with green eyes and it's like that's no that's funny he is a little bit of a hack and like the other thing is it works he like has this very strange way of like kissing her hand or he kisses like the palm like the bottom of the palm where it meets the wrist and it's just like a little bit charming, you know? We learn two things about

Leela Sin. One is that she is Dr. Sin's sister, not wife. The other thing we learn, and I'm very sorry to OSS, somebody said here, but the other thing we learn is that her eyes are in fact brown. One of the main. I'm sorry, Hubert, you were incorrect. Yeah, he's been able to go under the radar colourblind all these years. They are in fact very obviously brown. It's a real sort of like Janet Leigh in Gone With The Wind sort of thing, they're doing their best with green eyeshadow and stuff, but you know, the contact lenses haven't

been invented yet, so you do the best you can. Why not just change it to brown, like, whatever. That'd be way harder yeah he goes like sister interesting uh uncle sex percentage going up right here and and so at this point his cigarettes stop sorry i have to go smoke she's like oh sorry my. That's my smoke alarm. And then, beautifully, just like, hits the bricks. Just leaves, just like,

thanks very much, bye. I have to go return some video tapes. Gets back to the hotel. He does it like the guy in Consequences of Love, he's just like, I'm out! Hits the bricks. We're a bit like Kronstein, to be honest. Yeah, true. A little bit. Like, I'm out! Or a bit like Kronstein, to be honest. Yeah, true. A little bit. Yeah.

I love a guy leaving a venue expeditiously, you know, that's one of my favourite things. So he gets back to the hotel, and in a bit of tradecraft, he has also got the hotel room next door. So instead of coming in the front door, he comes in from that room, climbs over the balcony, he like, mantles over, and meets Sansac on the balcony, and Sansac's like, what the fuck, I didn't expect you to do that. And there's a guy in there, who's going through his papers, the file that Leacock gave him when he briefed him.

I was looking at this guy and I was like, I know this, this is an early level goon. This is like a boss fight. What do you do, you like, hold him up at gunpoint, you like, jump him, there's two of I was like, I know this. This is an early level goon. This is like a boss fight. What do you do? You like hold him up at gunpoint. You like jump him. There's two of you. No, of course not.

What you do is you go in, straighten your tie, hit the light switch, and then stand there waiting for him to turn around, looking at him like, hey, bestie, how's it going? What's up, cunt? Let me have a martial arts fight and it's sick. Yes. Yeah. This is set in Asia, so we had to get some martial arts. I'm not qualified to tell you if this is Muay Thai or not.

It definitely isn't. It's fucking sick, is what it is. It's good. Well filmed. It's pretty good. There's a point in it where he does do a move which is like a jumping karate chop, and I'm not sure if that was... I don't know if that's in any sort of martial art i have two notes about this goon note number one well three notes for the third one oh i have a third one yeah but note number one is that for a while he's just going for like a two-fingered eye poke sort of yeah that's his main move yeah yeah he's primarily sort of like eye poking style of martial this is the guy that got the three stooges!

They trained with him for years! Yeah, it was later refined into a more aggressive martial art by Dave Bautista, Inspector, but... He really stepped it up, yeah, I know. Second one, he then... this is the jumping Karate Chop he mentioned, he launches himself horizontally across the table at O.S.S. Sandusai for no effect whatsoever. Does nothing.

Yep. And then, after getting his ass beat a little bit, after his hit points are down to like 60%, what does he do? I'd like to just go ahead and say, it's been a while, but, Amby, you reminded me about the good nights, and I'd love to just give a little crusting to this guy. Because... No, he does not go above and beyond in the

course of killing anyone but himself! That is true. What he does is, as soon as he realizes he's fucked, he tries to take a pill classic cyanide pill stops him gets it out of his hand and he stands up and just fucking swan dives off the balcony

for a running start and we track him the whole way until he like hits the ground it's perfect beautiful that is above and beyond the call of duty yes not towards killing OSS not towards killing OSS on the set towards the call of duty Yes not towards killing OSS Not towards killing OSS Towards the call of duty of making sure

That he doesn't get any information from him And I think on that basis That's very true That's one of the strongest Cronstein Rosette contenders We've had in a long time I think yeah we should bring him back Also the two guys who killed 009

Are just down there and they go and like Pick him up and cast him off, which is just like, this has not gone well. Wordlessly as well. Neither of them are like, oh,

fuck, did you see what John just did? Do we have to do that? No, fuck no, I'm not doing that. Like this, this guy,

he was always too much. We were going to go for drinks after this and he was going to tell us what we found. I can't get over the fact that he's fucking dead. They just put him in the car and leave.

It's a hard world being a henchman. It really is. Yeah, no question. But they find what anonymous henchman R.I.P. was searching for because he'd torn a page out of the case file with Dr. Sin's name on it. Yes. Interesting. So, obviously, next port of call, we go to see dr sin that's right and god what a fucking he eats this scene alive it's incredible

i love this performance so he goes to see dr sin in his office he like barges his way in in front of in front of another patient and first thing to to notice, without his turban on, a turban he only wears one time, Dr. Sin looks like a hot version of Ron DeSantis. Oh my god, you're right. He really does. It's like if you put Ron DeSantis in the, like, Chad machine.

Oh, that's sad to know. Yeah, and then what they do is they have, you know, one of the classic Bond-ish conversations where it's all through sort of like illusion. But Bond is like, Bond sucks at this shit. Like, do you remember Tomorrow Never Dies where he just goes up to Elliot Carver and he's like, what's up, big man? No, you've been fucking doing missile shames or whatever.

Have you ever committed any crimes? Talking to my lapel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas this guy, what he does, he goes in and he's like, yeah, I think I've been, like, hallucinating or something, because I could have sworn people have been following me and trying to kill me, somebody's been in my room. And Dr. Sin immediately, like, picks up the dance he's leading

and is like, yeah, of course. You know what it is? It's the climate. You've been having, like, hallucinations, fear of persecution. You're insane, my child. Quite insane. Gaslight. Gaslight.

Gatekeep. Go, boss. And he offers him a course of sissy hypno at this point. Yes. He does. He's like, would you like me to hypnotize you? Stare into the spiral. Dr. Jason's and he gets himself hypnotized.

It's so silly. And then he's like, maybe another time. And then he's like, do you want some pills? And he's like, maybe I'll take those another time. The most poison that's ever been put in a single pill. And he's just like, yeah, I'll probably take them later, to be honest. And Dr. Jason's like, tenting

his fingers and they're like, you can take them now if you want it. I don't mind. It wouldn't be rude for you to take them now, just just saying i don't know if you want i can i can tell you a little bit about the actor who plays dr i looked him up his name is robert hoskin um you would probably not be surprised to learn that he uh had a celebrated portrayal of dracula yeah that's very much the energy that he's giving off is like old black and white dracula especially in this scene, just like as a technical acting note, his command of time is so good.

He takes all the time he wants to say those lines. And like, yeah, he's just totally in control. He died of COVID at the age of 93. Oh shit. That's one of the main ages to die of covid pretty good innings um unfortunately he is cancelled because he married three times uh the second time was when he was 34 and his wife was 15

so very sorry to say that he is a great actor, but he is unfortunately cancelled. I'll just say this. That pedophile can act, you know? Man, yeah, shit. I watched Chinatown a day or two ago. It's very similar in the group chat. It's like, God, say what you will, but...

Yeah, it wasn't worth the horrific crimes, but man, talented director. It was not worth it. Yeah, so... But it's Chinatown. Yeah, so, so, um... Yeah, this nonce, he fucking like, absolutely like, owns this scene. It's incredible. So at this point, he then, O.S.S.

Anducet, uh, decides, okay, well I gotta find this dude's sister and like, seduce her. Um. Naturally. And so he runs into her, and convinces her to go look at jades with him, on the pretext of antiquing for a client. But the curious thing is, this persuasion is done off-screen. He's like, hey, do you wanna come look at jades? And she's like, nah, I couldn't possibly.

And the next scene is they're looking at jades, and I just like to imagine that in between those two things, he's just like, maaaaaah. That's what I imagine as well like it's definitely oss for him to just be like it's my birthday he's like starts crying it's my birthday i'm gonna be 50 they do this a couple of times when he's like oh do you want to go looking at jades or do you want to like you know come to lunch with me and she goes i'm afraid that would be quite impossible and then they cut to and then they're doing it um and the first time they do it she says she says it sincerely like i'm afraid that's quite impossible and then they cut into it

the second time they're taxed he says why don't we have lunch and like she says it with a little bit of a smile like she knows she's gonna like you know oh yeah go on i would love lunch with you they have lunch by the river it's really nice this sequence is like almost a romance film at this point like because we're also seeing dr sin is seducing Eva, the secretary, and they're both putting the moves on each, on these women. And like, it's not uncharming from each one. It's like, this, I feel like, considering, right, that a dude threw himself off a balcony to his death about ten minutes before, there's very little action in this, and quite a lot of romance, and I fear this may be a

film for the girl. I think this may be girlcoded. You think it's a girl film? Maybe. Maybe. Chick movie. But yeah, so, what happens then is, knowing that Dr. Cyn will be out on a date with Eva, Ursus Sondeset tries to, with

Sunsac's help, Bug his apartment. And in the course of so doing, he accidentally describes the function of a real and at that time I believe still extremely secret listening device called The Thing, that the Soviets planted in the US Embassy in Moscow. Because he has a bug, right, but it doesn't need power. It's just like, it's like sound activated, a sound activated microphone and transmitter. And it's like, oh, you accidentally did that. You know, you did a WikiLeaks by accident.

He's installing this thing, and Sonsak is like waiting outside. What I really love is that when they test it, and he shows Sonsak how it works, Sansak's in the van listening to it. And the actor playing songs that could have just been like quite neutral, like, okay, cool, I've confirmed that it works. But the way he plays it is like, he's so excited by this. He's like, oh my God, what a fucking cool gadget you've got, dude.

Like he's just smiling like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's all over it. Sin's decor also incredible. He's got a painting of Genghis Khan, just in case you weren't thinking about this guy. Oh, classic. All of his furniture is that classic wooden Asian-style fucking design, all the little cutouts.

Beautiful. It's fantastic. This is the room of someone who fucks. 100%. Children, sadly. Jarring shifted. One thing worse than a child. Ah, I fucked that reference up.

Only one thing worse than a rapist. One thing worse than a rapist. Child. A child. No. So, yeah. Sonzak saves the day by Only one thing worse than a rapist. One thing worse than a rapist. A child. A child. No. So, yeah, Sonsag saves the day by honking the horn of the surveillance van when Sin gets back early, which allows Ossur-Sondiset to escape. Also we see that Eva is down-fucking-atrocious, right? She's like, oh, doctor, I've got a sickness and I think it might be getting worse, could

you take my temperature and the pussy with your dick? And he's like, nah, I can I've got a sickness and I think it might be getting worse, could you like, take my temperature and the pussy with your dick? And he's like, no, I can't, I gotta go back to work. Also you're a little old for me. And it's like... His name is Doctor Sin, and like, the decor, the body's wearing... You know my boy's got an anaconda down there, that's just... And she's like, let's fucking go i want to see this yeah absolutely but she she doesn't get it she doesn't get it uh so there's somebody in oss

hotel room again when he gets back but this time it's leela and i i quite like this scene because the first thing that happens is they kiss she initiates um but she's not there to fuck him so like that that would be the kind of in bond like she'd be like oh i've actually realized i love you but this time she's like i do fancy you and i do want to kiss you however i am also here to tell you something important which is that you should leave bangkok uh my my brother uh is a psychic um which that's explicit, yes. Okay. And then she drugs his drink. It's a fucking switch around.

I didn't see this coming. I also, I really like this. Okay, I'm going to start that sentence again about the phrase I really like because I'm about to say how racist this is. One thing that I do appreciate, I think a little bit, is that this movie, A, it has a little bit is that this this movie a it has a little bit

of that like mysterious east type racism to it but that gets mixed up with the other racism that stops them casting anyone who's actually thai in any like speaking role which means it's just a bunch of like white expats who all moved to thailand and started talking about like psychic powers and that's really unintentionally much, much funnier. Yeah, yeah. It's like the white guys in Squid Game. Yeah, with the exception of Zongzak, who is just, like, actually quite a nice, normal guy. Yeah, he's just good.

I like him a lot. So she drugs his drink. And for the second time in as many movies, this guy, he loves to avoid getting poisoned, right? So do I. Me too, man. Fuck. That's true. Any day of the week, I'll take not being poisoned.

One of my favorite activities in general. But the way he does it is by taking a big stage gulp of this whiskey and then just dumping it all into the fucking pot plant. And then immediately going like, oh, I don't feel so good and faking it and he keeps this up for the next like five hours of just like complete motionless coma it's incredible like what a gambit to take to be like yeah i'll see how this plays out you know okay i assume they're not gonna're not gonna, like, try and shoot me or anything, I'm just gonna, so I'm just gonna, like, yeah, why not be unconscious, you know? He's like, I know how this shit works, they're gonna take me to Act 3. Yeah.

And then I'm gonna get to see the lair. Functionally, it doesn't make it, he could've just drunk it, like, he doesn't do anything the whole time, he's, like, unconscious. Oh yeah! I guess he could've! But so, they get him in an ambulance, because they had an ambulance ready, and you can like, kidnap someone that way. And then they take him off the ambulance to a boat, and as they're carrying him to the boat, for a second I had the kind of thought that only

producing this podcast for, like, more than a year can give you. Where I thought, and you just engrave this sentence, ah, classic staged boat accident, was my thought. Oh, they're gonna put him in a boat and stage him. Classic boat accident. They're gonna weigh the throttle down and just point it towards something sharp. Yeah, easy.

So Sonsak has seen and is following them and also um lila is surprised to find that they're not taking him to the airport because her understanding of the plan was they were going to years he bond of him they were going to knock him out give him an id document fly him back to washington and be like now don't come spying again that's the funniest thing to do to any spies you just wake up back in the office and you're just like just be like you have failed little note that just says like restart from earlier checkpoint please do not try again please don't send anyone else yeah um but she's surprised to find that actually they're like ah

no we are going to take him to the sinister base um so they take him on the boat to the sinister base yeah um which is run by a sinister doctor Leader objects and she's taken away. Yeah, and then the sinister doctor goes right take him to the experimentation room Which is sissy hypno after all, you know, take him to the device Yeah, I would hate to be placed in the device, but they place them in the device. They put him in the contraption Listen I'm not under oath here here i've got a drop for this oh god listen that's not that's not admissible it's the helmet that makes you say ah yeah no not that and not not just just just ah all right yeah it's it's a it's a brainwas device, and I'm sorry to bring this up again

for the second or third time on the podcast, but it's the dronification machine. Yeah, fully. They're going to fucking dronify my boy. They strap him into the chair. Again, I would hate... Also, I'm... He's already responding to a number.

I would hate, by the way, to be... Well, no, that wasn't the joke I was going to make the joke I was going to make is that I'm just very gratified that brainwashing in French is lavage de cerveau

like it is just washing of brain I'm like this pleases me you know so they strap him into the thing it's a brainwashing

lie detector basically like it's the machine that forces you to tell the truth or it kind of annihilates your brain and just as they're about to strap him down to it what does he do he stands up and he uncle chops the scientist immediately he like gets him into the device uh he like uh straps him down to the device

uses the intercom and what he does is he has a handkerchief that makes you sound tight um that's his second gadget yeah yeah he just puts a handkerchief over the receiver and he's like, in sort of square brackets, Thai voice. Yeah, cause he's a good two goons to the sissy hypno-roam place. And this works. Well first, he does torture this man. Oh, you're right, he tortures him first. Yeah, yeah.

So he goes like, who are you working for? And the dude says, oh, it's like, the name of the group is, it's describing the subtitles as the elected people, right? Now, a closer translation to English, but one which would have some uncomfortable resonances would be the chosen people, right? But when it's translated as the elected people, it's purple élu, you then have a secret agent going, who are the elected people and what are their aims, which is very funny politically. Who is this constitution? The elect in the Calvinist sense, like, yeah, but not the chosen, but that's, yeah, that's something else.

Literally, we'll get to that because it kind of literally is just not in an intentionally anti-semitic way it is in an intentionally racist way um but yes because they say we're well we're a group of wise men yes who want to eliminate all of the quote parasite races yes um which means uh yeah which which means um both the u.s and the ussr uh in particular to avoid uh nuclear war he's always dr no shit you know neither neither east nor west right yeah and we're going to do this using a new plague virus uh we killed 009 by the way at the start of the east nor west for the secret third thing asian and it's by the way at the start of the film. The East nor West for the secret third thing, Asian.

And it's... China time? China time? China time? They're on like fucking Stromberg, wet blowfeld like that, we will start a new life under the sea. If you've started listening to this podcast without

having listened to any of the Bond movie ones we did incomprehensible. Johnny Sins, he's sort of doing like a wet blow-fell type situation. Yeah! And basically you don't have to say anything else, you should get that from that. So he calls the two dudes in, and he gets, he gets them a gunpoint, and then he ties them up, right,

with a microphone cable. But he picks the funniest possible way to do this. I'm gonna struggle to explain it, I would hate to be tied up this way. He gets them back to back, lying down, and then he ties each arm to each arm so they're sort of like T-posed, almost?

Yeah, like a push me pull you. Yeah, exactly. And they're just sort of tied together like this, and they just fucking leave some there. It's like, okay. He does the flying karate chop again. Yes, yes, yes! Because he says to Leela,

okay, I'll distract the remaining guards by running into the jungle. You go the other way, get the boat, meet me on the other side of this little island that we're on. And then it is a fantastic, leaping through the air, Uncle Chop to knock out a guard it's beautiful it's one of the best uncle chops we've ever seen yeah i mean so good like olympic gold uncle

chopping uh so he has this this sequence where he distracts the guards um and he doesn't kill any of them even when he has like he grabs one of their guns he just kind of like sprays it i'll get there he sprays it at their feet, and then kind of like making them run away kind of way, and like grins. And then, a guy up a tree, up a palm tree, takes a shot at him, and he just like remembers he has a gun and fucking executes him instantly. Because that's like... Yeah, he does kill that guy.

Dishonorable, I guess? This is also... Also like provoked violence, like, you know. He declines to shoot an unarmed man. This is funny too, because like, they do have a lot of sort of Rambo-esque bits where like he's hunting them. And it occurs to me that this is kind of to the French war in Vietnam as Rambo is to the American.

Oh, that's so funny. I mean, this, this movie came out 10 years after the battle of Dien Bien Phu. Like he's, he's literally literally like butchered that pronunciation uh but like he he's like hunting them through the jungle he's like turning their own like weapons against them and shit uh he's he's being smarter than them and i'm like yeah interesting there's some some politics here and then to top it all off he kills a guy for like hiding and hiding and for fighting dirty, you know? They were just referring to the Vietnam... They were referring to it as, like, the Vietnam War at that point, but just about France. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, America was trying to get him, but, like, they're gonna have their own Vietnam War. Tragic. In many ways, Vietnam is gonna be America's Vietnam. That's a quote from Ho Chi Minh, by the way. Leela runs through the jungle in heels and retrieves the boat and they get on the boat and they speed away. We get a boat chase.

Boat chase, more. What's happening? Little Roger Moore boat chase. It doesn't have any music, which is, it's just, we need a little bit of like a bad like something the rest of this movie soundtrack has been so bombastic there was a point where i literally wrote down i would buy this on vinyl me too it's really good also we get the least earned vehicle explosion in a minute yeah i cheered i cheered out loud when

the boat exploded he like kills one of the guys on the boat the other guy just like just turns it wrong and it goes into into so you can see the way they film this it drives into like the coast and it explodes but the way they film it is boat driving into coast cut boat totally stationary boat exploding listen it's a henchman vehicle one of the main tenants of the henchman vehicles but it has to explode no matter what the whole time they're escaping they keep cutting back to the tied up guys i just fucking lose it every time i wrote, I wrote, meanwhile, the boys are still having a rough time because they're like trying to untie it. They drive back to the ambulance

where Sonsack, again, great acting from this guy, is like, you know, really worried. He's like, how am I going to follow over? Then he drives in and they're like, yay! We're all reunited! It's so nice. Meanwhile, across town, Leacock is interrogating Hoagby, this British guy with a moustache, and he, first of all, Hoagby is absolutely

rinsing him. Like, he's like, oh yeah, I bet it was the fucking plague that came from the thing, fuck off. But then, Leacock delivers maybe the line of the movie, where he says, I know your British stubbornness too well to convince you with proof. And it's like, me at the fucking agenda clinic. Yeah, got our asses, 100%. But he says, you've been delivering these vaccines, some of them have been delivered to a clinic in Burma, that doesn't exist. Yeah. Yeah to a clinic in burma that doesn't

exist yeah yeah i was in burma and there's nothing fucking there sunshine vaccine the size of a tangerine tangerine but he says you've been delivering vaccines to this clinic that doesn't exist like you know you've been giving out these ppe contracts to your pub landlord yeah none of this stuff works these companies like don't exist was set up by some fucking guy from miami what the fuck's going on? They went to Marion Miller's legal defense fund anyway. And Hogby's just like sweating.

Well, so Hogby seems to genuinely not know anything about this. He's just like, I don't fucking know. Like, fuck off. Simplex don't like it. You see Laporte? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, voici. Anyway. Voici Laporte.

Yeah, voici Laporte. At this point, we have to get rid of woman for a bit so that we can do a movie. Yes, yeah. Which is a classic of a genre again. So they dump her with a Thai family. Yeah, so Sonsak's mate Prasit, who just is living on a boat. Seems quite nice. He's got a nice family.

Sonsak's like, hey, man, can you look after this and immediately this guy's like i will stake my life on her safety and i'm like all right we all have friends like that i mean we do for two of us they're you but like yeah with me it's ours so oss somebody said um he's he's gonna go somewhere so he calls down to the hotel reception he's like can you get my car ready because he's been given 009's cool car which we haven't seen yet he cuts down to the garage and goons have tied up the real garage workers and they're like yeah no problem we'll bring the car and they put a fucking time bomb in his sick ass fucking car the goon guy is so pleased with himself his own car oh yeah he's like grinning he's like right what we've done is we've said it so every time you turn the ignition off it counts down every time you every time you

turn the ignition off it stops counting right so he has 15 minutes of driving time and at the end of that i think it oh yeah yeah the end of that reset every time at the end of 15 minutes of driving the car blows up so it won't be too close to the hotel so we won't have any like questions about it um they're then they've finally given my boy a cool car it's a fucking sick two-tone convertible yeah it rocks it's so good and and we get some like thrilling commute footage but yeah we get some cool jazz music because he's driving along yes and the clock's ticking down and like it makes sense trying to kill an american secret agent by assuming he spends a lot of time in his car.

It's like poisoning his burger. You just assume it's going to be along sooner or later. He goes to see our man in Thailand, Lee Kok, and he gets there. And Lee Kok's fucking dead, baby. He's dead on his desk. Knife in the back. Classic of the genre. And Ava is nowhere to be found.

So he's like, okay, well, she's clearly clearly betrayed them i gotta go drive and see somsak drives over to somsak gets there there's like clock's still ticking the whole way like stuck in traffic and it's so good this sequence i really love it back to like the timer we all know what it means it's really good yeah he has no idea clueless parks the car there's like a minute left. I'm pointing at him. Clueless. Yeah. He goes to speak to Somsack, and Somsack's like, yeah, to be honest, not much has happened. And then... He says there's a handover happening tonight at the docks. They're going to swap the vaccines tonight.

And then... Then the guy, like, a gun comes through the door, and he's like, do you know how expensive 120 film is, you piece of shit the camera guy is back he's ready to go I will fog your whole fucking life son he's

he's gone it's the guy from the they only invented colour film last year mate do you know how fucking it's like take a sledgehammer to a dude's, like, PS5, you can't do that! You can't do that shit.

So this guy's like, great, uh, I'm gonna go to the thing, uh, gimme your car keys. And we've all seen the shame for this. Yeah, and I know it's just Sonny Set's like, sure, whatever you want. You've got to be careful, the brakes are a little bit... Well, Sonny Set doesn't know about the problem. He's just, like, reflexively smarmy. He's just like, yeah, you've got to be careful with the car. Dude gets in the car, fucking explodes.

Drives it ten seconds down the road and it just explodes. And it cuts back to us. We're both looking at it like huh? Who is that guy? He explodes and then Sondi said who was that guy? Incredible Actually who was that guy?

Straight up for real who was that guy? But then Sondi said I don't know where he gets his information but he goes no he was a Nazi. He doesn't even, he's not even involved as my headcount. And that was just a different guy. He was just taking photos at the airport. It has nothing to do with the plot.

How does Sandi said find out that he's a Nazi? I don't know. He's just like, he had a German camera or he was just like reaching for it. He was just like, like, this dude I just got killed, he's probably a Nazi, ex-Nazi, you know. It's like the new O.S.S. on Ducet thing, where he's in the German embassy and they're like, you know, not all Germans are Nazis, and he's like, I've heard that theory.

He's a French dude, he's like a French dude, of course, he's like, yeah, he's probably fucking a Nazi, he was German! Yeah, that guy's a Nazi. Yeah, fan. So, they go to the meet They bring Prasit I'm sorry not yet

For fuck's sake Sorry I'm sorry But it's funny To leave them in Oh my god Okay I'll remove Miftho

No no no Before that happens Leela hears on the news That Sandi Set's car Was blown up With a body inside And she presumes That he is dead

so she goes to see her brother and like pulls a gun on him actually what happens is she she stands up and the entire thai family watches her she slowly virgin walks away down the gang she just gets up and just walks in like perfect virgin walk yeah she. She goes back to see her brother and it's just like, why did you kill Sandi Set? And he gaslights and says, I didn't want this to happen. You know, come back and join me in the evil lair, which he does. And then we go to the docks. Then we go to the docks.

They bring Prasit, who is now free of like, you know, woman-minding duties along. I love how much Prasit is just like some guy. Like he's literally just like, no, he not some guy, he's some guy's friend! Just like... But he's in on this, 100%, like he's ready to go. And so, when they switch the, like, vaccines, for the plague-tainted vaccines, Oasis Sanduset like dives in the back, and Prasit and Somsak

follow him. And this leads him to, of course, the lair. The second lair. Underneath a monastery. Yeah. There's a secret lab. And this is maybe one of the all-time in the genre of labs.

This is one of the greatest secret labs I've ever seen and let me tell you i might have seen more secret labs in movies than anyone else on earth save for you who i'm tied with and it it's perfect it is peak there's like 30 fucking guys in there every single test tube has a different colored liquid in it. It's all smoking. Shit's bubbling. It's foaming. They've got rats. They're all like swirling Erlenmeyers up to the candles and shit. It's incredible. Different coloured glass. Yeah. And then

They've got rats. They're extracting rats blood for something. For the plague. Obviously. To get the plague in the thing. It's not worth it. Yeah, it's not worth it. I agree. They're going to be really embarrassed when they find that out. An alert goes off.

Yeah, we've just got like a regular vaccine, but it's also like mostly rat blood. That was the truth that like we've been trying to tell you about the COVID vaccines. They work, it's just they're also 80% rat blood. Yeah, you just have to decide if that's worth it for you. It's like Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man. It's a rat burger, but it's good. The mainstream media doesn't want you to know about the rat vaccine best vaccine i've had in years yeah yeah love that rat blood but so at this point the tannoy

goes off and it's like uh the the supreme leader would like to address you now please don your sick ass uniforms which they do yep movies used to have like long shots where just a large group of extras walked from one location to the next yeah i'm all about it sinister it builds the tension march a group of extras around these days but um you barely do napoleon to be honest um yeah and then somebody set follows them discreetly of course and they go into like the big briefing room and dr sin is there in a fucking Dracula cape. Yeah. I wrote down all caps, sick cape. And he's like, here is the evil plan. Okay.

And meanwhile, somebody says like Uncle Chop to God and like stolen his gun. He's like, okay, what we're going to do is we are going to exterminate everyone on Earth who hasn't been immunized against our new plague by our special rat blood which is which is like a bunch of like us asian question mark guys and this one white woman which in itself is quite funny right it says we will eliminate quote barely evolved nations with their primitive philosophies and their criminal atomic experiments. It's interesting to the atomic angle this takes. Yeah, because he's talking about the USSR and the USA,

which is interesting. He's like, ah, fuck them all. Nobody can be allowed to have nukes. We're going to kill everyone and start again. Again, a little bit. Again, a little bit hedging their bets just for who would win the Cold War. Thailand, unexpected dark horse, but we're gonna

be eating tom car and the white house in like a week's time uh yeah no no ussr no uss just big thailand listen they they're france they just lost against vietnam clearly they're just like all right well that that zone clearly are just like the winners i guess don't like us i guess yeah no i i kind of support big thailand in this one but um yeah so yeah he also so he's doing his fucking like billions must die routine right yes i think a lot about like the billions must die thing like here's here's the thing about this guy he's serving cunts okay he is he looks great you know the bit in the third star wars movie where luke rolls up in like the pure gucci black suit to kill his dad and you're like yes okay faggot like what are we doing here

let's go baby this guy he's wearing full black right nothing but black all black suit he's got a cape on with the red in the inner color like scottish widow type shirt um and his belt is linked up with a fucking like gold um horse bit like the fucking thing that goes across the top of the gucci slides yes and i was there like you slut you piece of fucking shit this is this is how ron de santis's fans imagine him as furor is the thing um he looks so good. He's killing it. He looks like Dracula, which he is! And then there's just Eva there, in, I guess, like, the Black Hammer reparations corps of Thailand. And so she's like, are you sure that billions must die? And he's like, dude, you are literally, like, you are one white woman away from white woman extinction over here.

Like, what's your fucking mouth? You are the last white woman. Sandy set gets him a gunpoint and holds him hostage. But then he is, he is in fact captured. And Eva's like, do we, do we have to exterminate the world? Must billions die? I just got into this for the dick. Like, I really didn't want to end the world. i must billions die i just got into this for the dick like i

really didn't want to end the world i just wanted the penis and he's like billions must die and then penis um so she's like he doesn't even promise her that he's just like regular billions must die like he's not even necessarily he says he says you must you're like your duty is to obey me which like you could read that as well yeah i so. It's always horny when people say that to me. But, I just remember the last time I said, your duty is to obey me, to someone named Eva, and

it was very quickly put in my fucking place. So, she feels bad. Yeah. She goes to see Leela, who is depressed, and says, hey, I'm checking in on my blokes, brackets female. Sondi said he's alive, not dead. He's being held prisoner.

So we got to rescue him. And she's ready to go on this, like, immediately, which I appreciate. You know, girls rock. Oh, yeah. I like that Eva has, like, an ethical objection to what is happening that makes sense in the context of her character she doesn't just suddenly change her opinions about everything we do see that she's kind of got like in over her head that she did just want to fuck this guy and then found out that he's like super hitler yeah i mean you know we've all had that

yeah yeah it's it's a hard thing to do yeah yeah. At this point, Dr. Sin has now taken off his cape and transitioned... She's like, what do you mean you voted Tory? And has transitioned to a sick Nehru jacket, like Dr. No style. And he's like, right, bring him into the fucking force femme surgery room.

Yes. What we're going to do is, firstly, we're going to give you an injection to make you sleep for three days um we're gonna put you on a plane back to the u.s like we were gonna do before because it's funny but we're also gonna give you the disease so you are going you're the vector that will convey this to the united states good luck cunt yeah um and uh and uh lila like they chloroform the nurse and lila puts on her mask. Yeah, they fuck up the blocking a little bit and Eva chloroforms

this woman in the eyes, which... Ow! Sleep tight! Yeah. Jesus. Because she's wearing, like, a face mask and a nurse outfit, she's able to, like, go in, pretend to inject him with the plague vaccine. Despite the fact that Leela has, like,

extremely cunty eyeliner on, you'd think he'd notice that but whatever um and unstrap him from the strapped uh operation i would hate to be etc and then as as dr sin is moving into like i'm not even i don't even know what he's gonna do they've already he thinks injected him with the plague thing what's he gonna no they he thinks he's he's about to inject him with the anesthetic and then the plague thing why give him anesthetic just to put him to sleep so he can go back to the monsters because i thought if you injected him with the plague virus and no anesthetic he'd immediately kill himself yeah he'd also probably he wouldn't get on the plane oh yeah that's a fatal area i'm not going home actually he'd do what do what Jane Bond does and call in an airstrike on his immediate position.

He'd do what Jane Bond does. Yeah, at the end of the James... I know what you meant! I was just struck by the fucking phrasing. Just put that on the tombstone. OSS Sandy said, he he do what James Bond is. What an intent, don't. Sunday said does what James Bond didn't.

This is what James Bond didn't. OSS does what James Bond didn't. James Bond didn't. I fucking love that I'm literally just gonna tweet that on the account This does For James Bond Oh god

In many ways, we are the modern Sisko and Eva. We are! Didn't you hear the previous bonus episode? Just fucking listen to that. That was really good analysis. Okay, so OSS fights

Dr. Sin. And Dr. Sin has moves. Like, he's like the last endgame boss. Like, you think he's just some guy, or you think even maybe they're gonna do some shit where he, like, tries to, like, hypnotism fight you? No, no, no. His plan is to beat the shit out of you.

Like, who works? He's forgotten his, like, specialism thing now. He's just hitting you. He uses the operating table as a weapon, which is cool. He, like, spins it around, hits Sandi's head, spins it the other way and hits his head it's really good yeah um either bursts in and gets shot by a guard which i was a bit disappointed yeah classic classic killing a woman by mistake bullshit yeah the guard no the guard in fact shoots her for real because she

tries to wrench his gun away and the guard just kills her. You can always go for a cop service weapon, but watch out. Your tax is paid for it. That's yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this. This is one of the all-time base alarms because Sin runs and he presses the red button, which makes everything red. Yes, and then they forget to keep applying that sometimes. So some of the shots it cuts back and it's not red, just so you know that they're really half-assing this.

There's a chase sequence, he like, books it Dr. Evil style, which I appreciate, he's like jogging, he's got good cardio as well, like good strength, good cardio, he's like, you know, maybe he's onto something, you know? Runs through a couple of like, rubber sheets that are disguised as doors, which is for some reason really funny to me i really love those yeah because everyone who interacts with them treats them like regular doors and that you can see them like flapping um and then he's like okay i got one last move here the rat corridor release the rat yes dr sid pours out the rats there's fucking rats so so there's

rats in cages along both sides of this room right it's a pretty narrow room and what he does is he like turns a key or something and like pushes a button and then those those cages rotate and just dump all of these fucking rats out of their fucking house hope no animals were

yeah yeah yeah this is definitely pre that animals were harmed some animals may definitely pre-that. Animals were harmed. Some animals may well have been harmed. Rat harmed. He goes, do you know how you make a rat king, Mr. OSS?

Yeah, it's closer to this than it is in Skyfall. You dump all the rats into a corridor. Question mark, question mark. Time on time. He shoots the red barrels. into a corridor question mark question mark yeah Thailand time Sandi set like shoots up the

he shoots the red barrels yeah they're in the red barrel room and so Sin just like falls off a catwalk while he's lying there

Sandi set like lights up the red barrels in the red barrel room and he just fucking explodes classic it's kind of well it's not

clear to me at least that Sandi set meant to kill Sin by doing that, whether Sin is just killed in the course of escaping the base. They haven't quite got down the villain deaths yet. Yes. Sin is definitely doing better than the last one in that he's killed escaping his own base, yes.

He doesn't just like immediately kill himself, like the last bit of boom. Yeah, but his death isn't in any way ironic he doesn't die like at the hands of the plague rats or like of hypnotizing himself or any shit like that no he just like dies of exploded which is you know yeah i think peak is he tries to hypnotize him and then like oh it's just like pulls up a big mirror or something or whatever like that's yeah anyway we have an action sequence as they escape with sunsack and process i gonna say, this is where a lesser movie would end, but no, this one, this one is like, oh, you still gotta get out of the base, you still gotta have some gunfights, and so what this is-

Yeah, the final level is escape the explosion on a timer. Is these guys run up in like, individually, singly, from different angles, and O.S.S. Sondesert does a perfect Bond spin, and like, shoots one of them. And Prasit is like, fucking throwing grenades out of the van. It's great. Yeah, it's good shit. They escape in the van.

They escape, the lab goes up and the world is saved. They have a kiss, but he has to like steady her because of how bad every vehicle in this movie just bounces up and down. vehicle in this movie just bounces up and down. Yeah, Lila applies for a kind of sexual Kronstein rosette by aggressively making out with him as he's driving the car to the point where he like stops the van and pulls over

and then kisses her, which I really like too. The responsible thing to do, that's right. Roadhead? Well, technically we are on the road. That's right. And that is Shadow of Touch of Evil of Panic in Bangkok. Do you know what this movie did not miss?

A single thing, aside from casting someone who is not a danger to children. It did not miss J.W. Pepper. That's true. I am so glad that we did not have a random dude from Louisiana who was OSS Sandy Set's Apart was OSS Sandi Set

apart from OSS Sandi Set yeah we only had one who was just like Sandi Set just like sidekick in country I was fucking dreading something like that I was like because of course as we know JW Pepper was killed some years later by Thai police

that's right I was dreading him like seeing him in the background and like I'm really glad that he didn't turn up i mean so i have a couple of thoughts about this movie which is it is quite racist um and i i do want to say that because we were all talking about how much fun we had watching it we did like it was a good time but it is also quite racist both on the basis of like, I guess Thailand's gonna win the Cold War with like, underhanded Asian duplicity, but also because like, the guy's sidekick is Thai, but he's also like, they remain on very formal terms, they refer to each other by surname, and the dude says at one point like it's very educational working with you and it's like hmm that's a little bit kind of like

uplifting i think it's definitely i mean you know we we can't necessarily grade on a curve but compare this to say quarrel sure in doctor no and like yes it is the treatment of sansak is racist but it could be so much worse like he's like well acted he's like respected he's given things to do a lot of that's a lot of that's the acting i think which is very well done uh i think also some of it is like the cultural context is different because now if we kind of like um if we watch a movie where a white dude and a Thai dude are, like, working together as equals, we go, oh, okay, that makes sense. Like, nothing further to, like, if anything, that's quite progressive. Whereas if you're in a French movie audience in 1964 and you watch, like, a white guy and a Thai dude working together as equals, you might immediately understand that to be a relationship of, like, une of like racial prestige you know and it's like oh

check out this guy he's like you know indulging him and stuff you know it's definitely like a bit of orientalism too in the sense of like oh the east is mysterious and like potentially like people have magic powers here and shit then again so does the wild west apparently which yeah just yeah Wild West, apparently, which... Yeah. Just... yeah, I'm... Let's know, really. Yeah, yeah, but, you know what? Despite all of that, it never really felt, like, mean-natured with it. It's very true, yeah. And I know that's not necessarily an excuse, but, you know, in terms of its watchability, I would suggest, remains pretty high, like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah but so yeah i mean i had a good time with this one i just flatly enjoyed watching i knew it would be fun to record uh and you know this is the kind of thing that like keeps me going through fucking fx18 you know yeah yeah for for every fx18 hopefully christ alive hopefully we get at least one shadow of evil. Yeah, yeah. But we don't have to just sort of, like, express our feelings using pathetic, puny words. That's right. We've solved film criticism.

That's right. We can enter into the domain of pure mathematics because we have a science-based rating system. It's called the SCUMM system. It stands for Smarm Cultural Insensitivity, Unprovoked Violenceprovoked violence and misogyny so how smarmy is this movie extremely extremely extremely it's high yes yeah this isn't so much a sin this is the one where if you've got it quite high it's it's it's sometimes fine like this is this is a comedy movie for want of a better way of putting it like this is it's leaning into the comedic beats more often, so it is a lot smarmier. It's up there with the mores.

I think it's smarmier than Sedition, the first OSS film, to which we gave a 4. I could see my way on this to a 5 or a 6, potentially. I could give it a 5, yeah. 5? Yeah. I'm not going to argue a 5. Okay. Cultural insensitivity.

And this is a bit of a vexed one, too, because, again, we don't want to grade on a curve, and we also can say, like, this is a movie that is culturally insensitive, or this is a movie that is racist, that has different and maybe better motivations for it, or that is, like, you know, in a way that

compromises your ability to watch it less, even if you're like, you know, affected by it personally, I don't know. But, like, in a way that compromises your ability to watch it less, even if you're like, you know, affected by it personally? I don't know. But like, I think that this is fairly racist, but at the same time, if you compare it to like, if we put it at like four or five, you compare that to like, what other movies we've put in that bracket, there are some like like really sort of ill-natured like contemptuous depictions within that like four or five range like in terms of characters of color

having you know things to do and names and being you know welcomed as part of the plot it's better than even some modern films that's true yeah um i mean, I think you kind of would struggle to, to get a character like some second in some modern movies, which is fucking. Yeah. Um, yeah. So yeah,

I, I don't know. I, I kind of feel like, and you know, again, three white people talking about how racist the movie is. Right.

But like it's, I, I would put this up there like three, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I could see the three. That's the same as

oss uh the first one that sounds about right to me although that one was for crimes against corsicans which not the same yes unprovoked violence he does torture one guy that's true he does torture one guy he does zap a guy but during that he does explain that he's racist which i think is praxis and in the sort of man from uncle thing where it's specifically the guy who was about to torture him so it's like turnabout being fair play and i think i was quite harsh on that when we did the man from uncle uh the the like army hammer one but like yeah yeah and again it's the same sort of but the guy is a nazi yeah well we gave that a two for unprovoked violence yeah i could see my way to a two

rest of the time i mean he does kill people but you know he's being shot at you know it's provoked i mean it isn't gory with the torture at all partly because they don't have the you know effects for it but like they don't really do anything to him. It just makes the dude answer him. I might even... Yeah, I'd go for a two. That's fair. And also, in a nice touch, we see that dude later on in the base escape scene, and he's fine. Yeah. That is true. Okay, I could see a two.

Misogyny. I mean, it's hard to avoid the sort of recurring thing, which is that whether you write it this way or not oss on dc's dick it makes you not evil anymore or at least desiring it makes you not evil anymore yes it is the short end of a wedge well ava's ava's turn to the good side isn't because she loves sandy set it's actually because of an ethical objection to Sin's plan, which I quite like.

And, yeah, and Lila, I mean, she's... They saved the day. Sin's got the dick that makes you evil. Ah, so the two things, it's like a dajitu, you know, the two things are in perfect balance. Yeah, he's like a dark reflection of OSS Sandi's set, in a lot of ways.

Yeah. But, like, the women have agency they they do things that affect the plot i i like that they are in fact both of them actually have ethical objections to the plan because when lila discovers they're gonna kill him rather than like prank him by putting him on the plane back to washington she that's when she's like okay this has gone too far oh i thought we were just pranking this guy i mean he we also see her waver a little bit because then she goes back to her brother when she thinks that somebody said he's dead.

I like her. He does follow Eva up the stairs and take a picture and follow her to work. Yes, he does. He does ask her if she wants an enlargement. There's no women of colour unless you count Lila

being sort of like Asian-ish question mark she's a white actress yeah I think it's up there but like four again I don't want to

yeah I could do four yeah for sure well that gets a total score of 14 which is better than the first sunday set and is generally pretty good um it's you know definitely still into double figures the best film we've ever had is still the born identity on six but like compared to uh goldfinger which came out the same year that's 23 i mean like bond wouldn't get down that low until on her majesty's secret service which how does it compare to the moors is what i want to know because i think that's

what we're kind of grading it against it's it's yeah it is so um what we started on live and let die with roger moore which is the worst one from a 28 man with a golden gun was 22 spy who loved me 18 moonraker 17 for your eyes only was an 8 so we randomly got a really good one for roger moore distributed more or less

averagely within the moores that's uh yeah yeah slightly lower than average i think that's not bad because octopussy

was a 23 median and moore um we in addition to this we actually also because we made some noises about this earlier we we've got a couple of medals that we give out every so often yeah um we we've got the

kronstein rosette and the goodnight cross if you're not if you are just joining us and you haven't listened to um the first season kronstein was a guy in guy from Russia with Love who was objectively right. He outsmarted Bond at every turn and then he just got killed at the end because nobody got what he was trying to do. Ever since then we've honoured our underappreciated villains by giving them the Kronstein rosette. Goodnight

similar but she was nice in Man of a Golden Gun. She was just like a really good character who helped out all the time but got treated like dog shit by the movie. So yeah, I think we are forced to award a Kronstein Rosette to Nameless Martial

Artist Balcony. The suicide guy, yeah. The guy who fucking yeets himself off the balcony of the Hotel Arowan in Bangkok, yes. RIP to a real one. Just slow that down as Brick Hitter Henchman.

And then the Good Night Cross goes to, I'm gonna say... To Sunset. Yeah, 100%. Well! What a beautiful little review, you know, and in many ways this is the sort of new frontier of film criticism

and I feel very good about it I think it is I think so I really enjoyed that film me too I had a good time watching it it's long it's like over two hours

but I really like Uber and I really like Kerwin Matthews so I didn't mind spending that time with him he's not in any more OSS on Ducet movies I'm sad to say

by the time we get to the next one oh no he's a different guy that's the last one I'm afraid he's a different guy oh that's so disappointing it's a shame he's a good actor i liked watching him but those days are over we have to get to bad actors i can't remember the last time i watched a film for this podcast and i cheered out loud during it the way that i cheered when the boat exploded in my i even wrote

yay in my notes i i stood up and clapped when i saw the lab for one thing I had to pause and write down sick cape we're already reminiscing about this film we're going to miss it we have a Patreon we do an extra movie it was a more serious one last time when we did the consequences of love now I'm not sure whose turn it is

I believe it's Abigail I have some suggestions I'll discuss them off mic in which case join us for that I'm not sure whose turn it is. I believe it's Abigail. Abigail. Ooh, I have some suggestions. Please. I'll discuss them off mic. Well, perfect. In which case, join us for that. And then the next mainline episode is going to be... Oh, God.

The next mainline episode is Codename Tiger, or if a tiger likes fresh blood, the tiger shall fresh. Is it an OS one or no yeah it's also uh if we have a bunch of these in a file and it is the smallest file of any of them which means it's going to be a low quality video 690 megabytes looking forward to it thank you so much for joining us, and we will see you next time. Au revoir, à bientôt. OSS does what James Bondon...

What James Bondon... What James Bondon... Decorating my cake with James Bondon. Au revoir. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of kill james bond um in two weeks time on the free feed it's the next free episode which is the thing um that i said on the episode if you can't remember it it was minutes ago jesus just hit the back 30 seconds thing like twice and you'll and you'll be there three times now if you've heard all the rest of

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Maddy Lubchansky and our website is by Tom Allen. See ya.