Upstream - S3E6: Secret Agent Fireball

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

The Strike may be over, but our commitment to Eurospy is ironclad.  This week, there's another dead Soviet defector, so there must be another microfilm with something important on it floating around ...europe. Fuck it, lets send our best spy to go have a general look about. I'm not even going to front with you. This is my favourite episode we've recorded since Demolition Man. ------ URGENT APPEAL FOR ACTION FOR PALESTINE Aid is not getting in to Gaza. There is no donation link I can provide here that will help assuage the ethnic cleansing we're all bearing witness to on our phones. The UN and entire international community must step in and hold Israel accountable for its ongoing genocide and relentless war crimes against the Palestinian people. The time for action is now: Join a solidarity protest, write to your MPs, do anything and everything in your power to disrupt and sabotage the machine we're all a part of that creates Death.  If you want somewhere to put money, some UK activists have been disrupting arms manufacturers that supply the Israeli war machine, and any donations go towards their legal funds, and the legal funds of activists performing actions like this in the future. palestineaction.org/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 I have a free hand. Yes, with unlimited expenses and permission to kill. Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am Emma Scordwell Kelly joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. How you doing? I'm properly excited for this one. We got an English dub for the first time in Weat Drops of Back baby, they're good again. Oh, they rose feet. They altered the dialogue. Bad dubbing. Drops, it's all here. You know, I miss these so much.
Starting point is 00:00:53 So as a continuing part of our season of solidarity, where we're not doing any American movies, any struck movies while the... Saga, still on strike, the WGA have resolved theirs, the actors have not resolved theirs. I'm sorry. We are doing every movie on IMDB's list of Euros by movies until we run out and get bored or can't find them.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Yes. And this is, like, I'm developing a theory here, right, which is that the better and a Eurospy movie is, the more titles. He's got like five. This is how man and Bayroot secret agent fireball, the Spires Kill in Bayroot, message from 077, the Spires Kill in Bayroot. And the spy killers as well. 077.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Well, he was zero seven seven originally. Now he's X 11 seven for some fucking reason. It's almost moving these things around. So yeah. It's gonna be a seven another. It's going to be a seven another. Swery changes halfway through the film. Yeah, I'm going to call it a secret agent fireball for clarity.
Starting point is 00:02:00 This was what it was most widely released under. And the reason why it was called. Just check my notes. He does change code name. He's like 0777 at the start. They'd buy like an hour and something. He's one one seven. He's 100 better. The reason.
Starting point is 00:02:18 And he's got the next. But the reason why he's secret agent fireball is because this came out the same year as thunderball and they were trying to cash in on it by getting people to watch it out of confusion. Yes. Oh yeah. There is so little effort. The tagline for secret agent fireball, right, is this man has no name. He does not even a number. He has two. He does. He does that. In his inside pocket rests the face of the world, which is baffling. Like it at...
Starting point is 00:02:49 I love that like as a marketing strategy, try and trick the audience into watching our movie by mistake. Like such a good strategy. So we begin of course with a traditional, I'm really like typifying some things about the Eurosrospy movie. So I wanna like make this more like rigid,
Starting point is 00:03:07 going forward and, you know, I think there are ways we can categorize this because now I've seen a few of these. I get the rhythm, right? I get the vibe. Every Erospy movie begins with a double-on-on-ine scene. Yes, and we have named this as a concept. So, you look at a guy and you're like,
Starting point is 00:03:23 that's the monon, he's gonna fucking die. He's like his time is short. That is a spy. He is about to die. That's 009. It's a sweaty guy. Looks a bit like Herbert Long. We've seen putting on a disguise, which is fun. And we are immediately.
Starting point is 00:03:38 He looks out of his window and we see one of the most guys standing doing surveillance I've seen in a minute. All in the newspaper, I've dude. Yes. This is rather warster. And this guy, this guy's severely the flat. He has a gun in a side holster under his jacket. He takes it out of the holster and then puts it down the front of his trousers and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:04:00 Why'd you do that? I'm not saying weird gun fucker because that's just so much more dangerous. It's stupid. Every, every sort of like 60's European movie, all these guys just had lukas because they were just floating around. There's a silenced lukas that sticks down the front of his trousers. Um, but yeah, so our boy, double-o-nine, leaves the location and these two guys follow him. And we start in with the theme music and for a second time in a row, the theme music is dangerously cool. I know. This is the best knockoff Bond theme we've had in a while.
Starting point is 00:04:31 So Bond meets the Incredibles. It's like really bacy, it's like I had the thought watching this. Man, if I ran this through some old synth and then I like exceeded the number of trans-ferm stereotyped people do at once, and I got a letter from the government saying that you can't do that. So can I just say that I love that we've made James Bond. A trans stereotype. I love that this podcast has done that. It was easy for us. To the point that way,
Starting point is 00:05:32 if there isn't a trans one in the next James Bond, it will be weird. It'll be so. Yeah, absolutely. I'm playing the long game on going cast in that. The next one's gonna be weird, whatever happens. But they cast fucking Brian Cox to do the Amazon Bond quiz. Did you fucking see Christopher Nolan
Starting point is 00:05:49 so that his plan for the Bond franchise is to do a period piece and set it back in the 60s. I'm like, that was my idea, Chris. That's everyone's idea. Everyone who has had this idea, it's a good idea. Anyway, it's a good idea. So, so Dublin 9. Right. And they should learn about what it's like
Starting point is 00:06:04 to be in the 60s from this podcast and this movie. So, so, double-on-line, right? They should do it and they should learn about what it's like to be in the 60s from this podcast and this movie. So, he goes through Paris, which 60s Paris looks like shit as that. That's right. You know, Paris. Doesn't have the like new, new wave to it. So, it's just like, you know, there's no New York Herald Tribune like these. It's just like, ugh.
Starting point is 00:06:21 You know, why is the air full of diesel exhaust? And he goes to like this bistro where he meets a woman wearing what I can only describe as a leather Jemeraquai hat. Yeah, I said this is a frankly stupid hat. Ha ha ha ha ha. She looks like Jake. It's like a leather raster cap.
Starting point is 00:06:39 That's Jake came from Jemeraquai not, not Rowling. But like, it's like a raster cap, but leather. Yeah, you don't want really get those two mixed up and divide the wrong JK to your funny. The leather raster cap is such an invocative. Hard to be so hot. The BDSM raster. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:57 The BDSM raster. The BDSM raster. The BDSM raster. The M-sundsummon. I tell you what, the BDSF Rast is a fantastic hat. Yeah, it's like great bids. They don't want to try to do what that might sound like. No.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Anyone want to give it a go? Yeah, I'll just. So this, this like beautiful woman, like Elena, she wants some microfilm from Dublin line. And he's like, yeah, I don't have it. The guy, this guy, Polioski, he has it. I don't know where he is. You know, I'm still working on it and like visibly
Starting point is 00:07:30 like sweating buckets. Like, don't kill me. I know I'm in a 009 scene and I know I'm wearing a big 009 button. Don't 009. Unfortunately, it comes across to a guy who is preparing not a cigarette that kills you instantly. Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Yes. But a pipe that kills you instantly. Yes! Yes! A pipe that kills you instantly. The pipe that kills you instantly! What a sti- never dream to imagine this concept would have all- He- is- he is holding a pipe and he puts love to his mouth in a sort of way like he's aiming down the sights and then he pulls up a little eye and sight out of the back. Why does the pipe have a front sight? I love it so much. So you can smoke more accurately.
Starting point is 00:08:10 There's no backside. He's on the left. He's on your mouth. The parallax is going to be fucked. Like, you shoot the lights, aiming straight down. It's going to get killed. Yeah, he's fucking dead. But the pipe shoots a poison dart, the pipe that kills you instantly.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Because on these days, all the pipes that kill you instantly just have like the accessory rails and like laser points. Yeah, but this like, this conjures the delightful image of like, what other, like, could you get the vape that kills you instantly? Will we ever have that? I hope so. Will we ever have the dip that kills you instantly? I mean, I think you could just regularly poison dip and it would kill you instantly
Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah, poisoning of vape though. I mean, I want to vape the cheeks boys and dance in a bond movie. That'd be great Just sorry the image of bond being issued of vape has caused me to sort of like mentally I'm lying to be like right now fanboy q a- If any of us ever get to write any part of the James Bond franchise, we have to put in the faith that counts. That is insane. Now let's close it over there, Seven. This does contain quite a large amount of nicotine,
Starting point is 00:09:14 so do be careful. Even to assume a henchman. Oh, fuck it. I knew the pipe that kills you instantly would derail us for like a period of time. Yes, I have done. I wrote it down. They kill the guy, they leave.
Starting point is 00:09:29 And then we cut to our bond, who in this movie is called Bob. No, but... You sure? The subtitle's really bad dub, and the subtitle's don't agree with it, but I swear. On God, this guy is called... This man has no name, he has two names at least. He's got two numbers.
Starting point is 00:09:50 At least two numbers, yeah. Fleming, let's call him for the sake of argument. Secret agent fireball. Secret agent fireball. This is Richard Harrison, a man with a fascinating Wikipedia page. And one that made me reading through it go interesting, a number of times, and then update the big document that we have for future episodes.
Starting point is 00:10:16 A man who has done a handful of Euros by movies, a bunch of spaghetti Westons, and then real like, z-list stuff in Thailand. It like I really want to get to some of them he wrote the script for the night before shooting. It's my man is working. Well, yeah, absolutely. And that's a king. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:37 So we're introduced by the way with the ultimate form of the like, you know, projected image of the dead guy. Well, they just do a full slide projection of 009 looking alarmed. Yes. Just like, yeah, this guy was terrified. Now he's dead. So actually, we're introduced to Barflemming as he assaults a redhead.
Starting point is 00:10:57 Oh, sorry, you're right. Yes, yeah, he assaults the redhead and then he gets the phone call that's like Flamming, you have to go and do some do some spicy you have to go and do your job And and she throws a pillow out on the way out because women Be like that. Well, I she so so he's assaulting her and she's like no don't like I'm not I'm not my kind of girl Even gets the call and goes to leave and then she's like wait. I was just kidding like I am actually when I said no I meant yes
Starting point is 00:11:25 Then throws a pillow at him. We love it folks. I think maybe we don't, we don't love it. So then with the end who is just entirely, he's like a stock M. It's nothing to this guy. This guy got punched out of the fucking mold. It's nowhere, it's just.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Yeah. And he's got the sprues on him still. And he's like, Pollyus, there's this guy Pollyusky. He was a NASA scientist until he defected to the Soviet Union for ideological reasons, which you seldom hear about. Yeah, he was a Polish physicist working for NASA defected to the Soviet Union. Apparently changed his mind and then fled to Paris. And 009 was his assistant. And they have some kind of microfilm containing, we know not what you have to get it, the Soviets are going to be after it too. We don't even know it's a microfilm yet. They're just so well, so you know, now he's left the Soviet Union and he's in Paris. And it's a red October situation
Starting point is 00:12:24 because every Russian agent is now looking for this guy. So go to Paris where we already are. Find him and then stop them getting the whatever. Yeah, you're like, they just killed this guy. Fuck, you might have had something. All right, best agent off you go. So the problem with his movie is, right? The actual plot is so
Starting point is 00:12:45 boring that all of my notes are just the entertaining things that happen and none of the sort of like sinews of what happens. My next note is alarming how much butt-flemming looks like the young prince Andrew because like he really did. It's right. He really does. So we cut to the bad guys. Yes, we're reloading the pipe. The kills you instantly as their boss who looks like Rip torn Says we got to get polyusky the boss the boss Yuri Luchiana Pagodsi as Alan Collins This is the type of movie that like Renamed a bunch of its actors to sound more Anglo to make it sound like it was a higher budget movie So yeah, it was a higher budget movie. That's such a shame.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Jesus. I refer to this Aldo Tachone into Jim Clay. Oh. Oh. Obstant dog not asked. Mike truck ass. My, my not just says, I would be calling this guy, wide Lenin from here on out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:42 He does look like a wide Lenin. Just looks like a very wide Lenin. He called him Rip Torn the Intire. And so there's like three Soviet spies. Yes. There's wide Lenin. There's the... Mr. Pipe.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Mr. Pipe. Now, my note about Mr. Pipe is, first of all, he wears a leather trench coat everywhere, which is, which facts, second of all, Mr. Pipe has the most alarming hairline in the world. It's crazy. It looks like it looks like the right wave of fucking. It does. Yeah, it doesn't just go up, it goes up on one side
Starting point is 00:14:15 and then all the way around into the mid. He looks like Oxtail's soup. He looks like fucking someone has tonsured him. It's like, I don't know. I can't remember. I'm not as entirely My man is an entirely new orthogonal kind of fault. Nobody's gone bold like this ever since. No, he's bold more different than any other. Bold, perpendicular.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Like he started from the side. Like now we're here. So there's those two. And then there's Elena. Elena. Elena. And they get a call and then. She stops worrying the fucking leather Jamirac, why had after that one scene.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Yeah, she came back to the base and I was like, the fuck you're wearing. I don't know, I can't think. I'm gonna stuff the body under it. What? So this is the point where they get the call and they get told, oh, agent 077, that's agent 077, just arrived. And he goes, fuck, it's agent 077, just arrived.
Starting point is 00:15:05 And he goes, fuck, it's the best guy. Yeah, they sent the best guy, we better watch out. So the only lead. A whole zero. And for emphasis, when he finishes the sentence, why for Lenny Karate chops through a board that he has just like lying on his desk? See, I remember a bit of the movie and then I don't remember that my next note is in all
Starting point is 00:15:28 caps, motivational karate shop. Listen, this man can Uncle Chop, he's setting this up. He's like, go get him. I counted, there are five Uncle Chop's like distinct ones in this movie. Yes, it is a buffet of Uncle Chops. He's the best guy. We're going to be serious about this. Karate Chops. Karate Chops is a board for this just leaning against a brick on his desk. But Simpson, 077 has one lead, which is the guy that he knows what hotel he was in. So he
Starting point is 00:16:07 goes to check in and he's like, yeah, my name is also dead guy. Please give me the last guy's room. Yes, which is now interesting spike. The guy on the desk is like, oh, that's weird. The guy who just got murdered had that name too. He's like, yes, it's an American thing, you know. There's a lot of bobs and dog nuts in America. That's every American is nailing. A lot of top ones are there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he gets in the room and surprise, surprise.
Starting point is 00:16:37 There is a chair that's going like spins around. But there's a woman in this chair and the line is Perfect pitch perfect. This is ultimate level swath Cheers the revolve on their own make me rather nervous Yeah, man for real Spin I can't decide that whether we're moving more for some arm that fails It's like it's baffling like what? Like, hey, but Fleming, we're going to like olden towers. Do you want to, I know you're scared of roller coasters. Do you want to ride the teacups?
Starting point is 00:17:12 Chairs that revolve on their own. Make me run and nervous. You know, fun! Head injury bond arrives at the hotel. Gives the guy the name of the previous guy instead. And it's like, yeah, shit, it's a common name, fuck it. Oh, towel. Gives the guy the name of the previous guy instead. And it's like, yeah, shit, it's a common name, fuck it. Guys upstairs is like, ah, a chair.
Starting point is 00:17:30 He drunk my man like. Also, the second he starts going up says the guy who's like, that's funny, the guy that was murdered was called the same thing immediately walks over to a phone and it's like, yeah, the American sir. Yeah. It was kind of a gimmick. Yeah, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:17:45 The revolving chair revolves on its own, but in it coincidentally, there is sitting a lady. Now, interestingly, I think in a Bond film, this would have, you know, you get to, I told him there's a sexy lady there. This time, she's just a normal lady. She looks normal. Yeah, normal lady.
Starting point is 00:17:59 She's the style lady. Did you catch her name, by the way? Oh, God. Her name is Kaufman. What's her name? Her name is Jane God. Um, her name is Kaufman. What's the name of Jane Kaufman? That can't be. No. Yes, I wrote it down in all caps.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Yes. Oh, yes. I've heard of Kaufman's star, I guess. Just based purely on having having the same name as the other guy is enough to like get you into the hotel is enough to get you a Kaufman star. And she's like, yeah, I was I was like double o'nines girlfriend, or what have been stars available in the gift shop. He like gave me this message. And then as he's about to read the message, of course, wide Lenin shows
Starting point is 00:18:43 wide Lenin shows up, he walks into the room and this is his line. I have decided to take part in this conversation also. Just cool. It's the idea of signing in. Good morning. I'm now in the scene. So such a bad, bad improv way. Just don't think of a reason for your character.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Just say, I'm just sorry. I just mean it's my motivation in the scene. I don't know. Yeah, I'm just I'm also talking. So so they have a fight. He walks in and he goes, fuck did that share rotate? Sorry. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:21 So they have a fight. Right. And this guy, he gets punched into a cabinet and like he keeps punching walls and he punches through the cabinet. And I write down at some point in this, this man's attacks are only effective against wood. He, his left hook's hit a guy. No problem. It's a cabinet. It's gone. It's splinted. He should zero seven sevens in trouble, though, because his action is the most wood we've seen yet. He punches a hole in the drywall, like fucking marriage story. It's gone. It's just glinted. It's 0777's in trouble, though, because his acting is the most I've ever seen. Yeah. He punches a hole in the drywall, like fucking marriage story.
Starting point is 00:19:49 It's wild. And that, like, it's a good, this is such an interesting scene, because it's a good, well-choreographed fight that is well-acted, but it's badly edited. And it's so strange to see a fight scene that, like, the people doing it and filming it know what they're doing, but the editor doesn't. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, okay,
Starting point is 00:20:11 it's a bad fight scene and it's badly edited, but this is just the editing is bad. And it produces this very odd effect, or it's like, this is really good, but I can't see how of it. We're getting, we're getting a kind of like, very, very basic film studies course on like like what every person who works on a movie does by watching a movie where only that person doesn't know what they're doing. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:32 Like that's kind of what was like sound design and we're like, oh fuck, it's really noticeable. Oh yeah. When everything else is competent and that isn't, this time it's the editing where it's like, oh fuck, it's really, that's what an editor does. I've learned this for the first time. I've seen a film that's like barely edited. Eventually we're gonna find out what a best boy does when I make fucking...
Starting point is 00:20:52 Oh, I don't make shit. Yeah, so... I also, I wanna just really compliment why Dilanen on leading from the front here because he's doing the Goon work. Yeah. He's established as the boss, but he's the guy who reloads the pipe,
Starting point is 00:21:07 gives it back to Mr. Pipe, and then he goes to the hotel and starts beating up Jim Bond. Serve to lead, you know, his aunt of Santa's gym. I'm all about that. Yeah, yeah. So 077 defeats him. At which point, Mr. Pipe enters the scene,
Starting point is 00:21:23 and it's like, I have decided to join this conversation. Sadly, he enters with a gun. Yeah, which way do you have a pipe? Like, you don't, I guess, we're wait a second. If you have, sorry, if you have the gun, why do you need the pipe? And vice versa. All of the business in the other place,
Starting point is 00:21:38 I guess for stealth. I guess so. Pipe a silence, it's kind of hard. Incredibly threatened someone with the pipe. But then he does threaten someone with the pipe. Yeah, okay, that the silence. It's kind of hard to credibly threaten someone with the pipe, but then he does threaten someone with the pipe Yeah, okay, that's fair. He does actually do If you all get just holding a pipe at someone they're gonna be like, hmm, hmm Um, what do you do? Give me a lecture like
Starting point is 00:21:57 Just like pointing like My father is disappointed with my But daddy is very proud. Mm-hmm. Mr. Pipe takes them all hostage, not wide-lanon, obviously, but he, he, like, your freeze wide-lanon and the two of them take them hostage. Yes. They get, they get them in a car and, all right.
Starting point is 00:22:19 You remember, you remember a technique pioneered by one Napoleon solo? Yes. Always try to escape constantly. Oh, man. Out of what? The second you have the ability to do so make an attempt to escape. Yeah. And if it doesn't work, it can go again, like things to me.
Starting point is 00:22:35 It's the last thing they'll be expecting. There's this setup here, which is that like Fleming is pretty chill. It's pretty flagnatic. But Jane Kaufman is really upset and concerned and crying. And there's this moment where Fleming is reaching for the door handle to obviously try and jump out of the car. And I'm like, oh, he's not going to do it because then he'll be leaving her behind. And then he's like, no, no, no, you forgot. She's not a conventionally attractive bond girl.
Starting point is 00:23:01 She's just a normal woman. So what he does is secret agent fireball pro tip here. Save yourself. He just opens the door, rolls out, she gets shot and he's gone, he does not give a photo. Yeah, she gets shot running and Mr. Pipe shoots her. I think with a gun, not with a pipe. And wide linen, like, remonstrates with him.
Starting point is 00:23:21 He's like, what the fuck did you do that for? Like, there was no reason to do that. He's like, oh, oh, I was in fear of my life. I like had my body cam turned off. Yeah, genuinely. It's just like, I didn't have time to think. She was holding a strange object. No, he says, I acted on instinct. And why Lenin kind of like, derisedly says, killing is your only instinct. Which is kind of a hot, there were a few lines in it that sound like MF Doomself. Yeah. Like now and then, it's not the delivery.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Yeah. And just before Wightland and came in in the earlier scene, she told Fleming to go to Hamburg, and now they learn from her body that next location is Hamburg. Yes. She says a piece of paper that's like next location. It's hiding in the back.
Starting point is 00:24:03 It's hiding in somewhere called Albrecht in Hamburg. So the guy, he just has a piece of paper that's like next location. It's hiding in like yeah, it's hiding in somewhere called Albrecht in Hamburg. So the guy he goes to Hamburg wearing a sick coat jacket. Yeah, my next is sick coat. It's a brown belted leather trench coat with a fur collar. Yeah, this goes off. Hamburg also looks like shit. This is important. And he goes to like harass the guy at Al Albright, which turns out to be a tattoo
Starting point is 00:24:26 parlour. So he threatens to leave the skin pod available on August. That's right. He threatens to tattoo the guy, but good. He tries to make conversation as if he's about to get a tattoo. And then at the last second before the guy tattoos, then he turns the tattoo. He grabs his surfaced weapon. You can always grab a tattoo after the service weapon. He's just going to tattoo a dick on your face if you don't tell me. Yeah, I'm always thinking of tattoos on him. Was he going to do something like in glory as a bastard? What I love about this movie is that it has a very similar sensibility to me.
Starting point is 00:25:04 In that two times someone is threatened by having something vaguely pointed at his eye and he goes, whoa, I don't fucking want to fuck with that. Okay, I'll do anything you want automatically and that is 100%. And he tells him that, um, Poliski is at a place called, uh, called the bikini ballhouse, which might as well say, that's what I call my new line of swimwear for trans women. Nice. So we go to the bikini ballhouse and it's got girl and girl wrestling.
Starting point is 00:25:32 And I write down, I don't have a girlfriend, COVID, Halber. What's really funny about this too, is that you've got like two women in bikini's wrestling on stage, fantastic armpit, Haramon, by the way. I know this for no more reasons. And in the audience, it's like, I'm so glad you got the most perverted thing
Starting point is 00:25:51 you've said on this podcast actually. It's just casually being like, great armpit, Haramon. Anyway, I can do better. I trust that you will. Thank you. But the thing is the audience is like 70% women and they're the only ones who are visibly into this.
Starting point is 00:26:07 Did you get the drop? Oh God, no. What if the women in the audience turns to the other and says, I'd hate to do that. Well, I'd hate to do that. I'd hate to do that. So Polyuski is hiding in a 1960s hamburger lesbian bar for seats. Firstly, before we went Polyuzki, we should note, like, okay, so we cut to the bar
Starting point is 00:26:29 and it's a sexy wrestling bar. So I mean, okay, first of all, that's a choice by the filmmakers, but also you should, okay, fine, you're setting up the scene, you show us a little bit of the sexy wrestling, it goes on too long. And this is something that film does, I don't agree. The film does twice. I think this is, I've can have seen it for like longer. Yes, true, that's true.
Starting point is 00:26:47 I mean, on a different context, yes. But this is presented for like our installation and our pleasure is. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, he, where's he hiding out of the fucking ultimate surrender club? Fantastic, great. But like, it's, what's really absurd about it
Starting point is 00:27:02 is the fact that like there are basically no men in this and the women are super into it. It fully just like, it accidentally codes lesbian, like strongly. And like, I start thinking about like- I was always doing that pre-transition. I just started thinking about like, how can I hang out in a lesbian bar in 1960s handbook? They have this great setup where they're like, every table has a fucking phone in the middle of it. And you can ring any other table and they won't know who's calling them.
Starting point is 00:27:31 It's like, fat. And you get like, do the wrestling thing or do that really gonna like call someone on the phone to talk about the wrestling? Like, oh, oh, I'm hard as hell right now. It's like picking up the phone like, you see this one's armpit hair? Crazy.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Oh! It is. I'm never gonna fucking live this now. So we see a suspicious man, a nervous man. Even. And he gets a phone call. This is police. On his table phone.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Yeah. It's like, yo, you see this woman's armpit hair? Also, you have to leave now or you'll be killed. Which he like, yo, you see this woman's armpit hair also, you have to leave now, you'll be killed, which he does. He gets up to go. And as he goes, he runs straight into the business end of Mr. Pipe. The thing is right, like I'm a slut for novelty, right? The pipe that kills you instantly once, fantastic, life changing. The pipe that kills you for once, the pipe that kills you instantly for the second time,
Starting point is 00:28:30 I'm done with that. Yeah, I need a new thing. I need you to have a new thing that kills me in some time. It didn't get funnier. You should have punched it up. They pulled out the little like, Ion sites last time, this time, you should have pulled out a little silence
Starting point is 00:28:41 throughout the fun. Lays and fun. It could have been funnier. Yeah, you know, you could have been the pipe because you were silly, but you got to up it. It needs to be like a bigger pipe. It needs to be like a pipe. It needs to be like a pipe.
Starting point is 00:28:50 It needs to be like a pipe. He's got the hunts lander pipe, Pringlorious bastards. If I can go off like a shotgun. By the final scene, he's got a pipe that's got like a fucking shoulder stock and a fucking ass. He's just like re-envented the gun. Yeah, it's like throwing bubble.
Starting point is 00:29:06 No, it's really fun. It's like a pipe. It's got the barrel out the front. It's got the fucking stock from the like the mouthpiece. It's a long pipe that comes into his mouth. Just like a little plastic thing. I think we could have, yeah, I could have gone much, much further. So yeah, so Bart shows up at the thing just in time to see the guy get killed. And the Soviets then, then try and take his body, but they're prevented by Hanbok's finest showing up. And I lose an hour to researching like 1960s Hanbok emergency vehicles.
Starting point is 00:29:41 So, the ambulance shows up first, which is this tiny, shissi VW bus ambulance and three guys in shop coats, which is fantastic. I love emergency medicine. Pre-paramedics before they invented any of that shit, where it was three guys whose job was throw someone in the back of the ambulance and drive the ambulance ideal, ideal stuff. But there, a secret agent, Fireball has such casual disregard for the working man. He holds this guy hostage. He does.
Starting point is 00:30:13 He holds the fucking ambulance driver hostage. I'm also looking at this ambulance right now and I might lose an hour as well. I've just pulled it up. It's such a beautiful little vehicle. That's very cool. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he like knocks the driver unconscious,
Starting point is 00:30:27 which the Soviets would not do, cause they're good proletarians. And then the cops show up. Now, I just want to set something up here. So he takes the ambulance and he drives Pauluski's body away. Minot say, pursued by adorable shitty police cars. Yes, this was my note.
Starting point is 00:30:44 So leave it at that. And then we'll come back to it because I didn't realize what was about to happen. Yes. I did because I stopped through research. I did not, because, minus say, these police cars look like ships. So anyway. They look so funny and I won one so badly.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Yeah, two of the silliest cars in the world. Yeah, so mid-chase, he kind of drives into a tunnel for a bit and temporarily is a- This is also weird because the tunnel has like a car elevator at both ends and like this isn't something you make up for the movie this is like a real thing that they have to handbook and say wow okay So he he lutes polyusky's body and discovers a telegram saying next location his baby just says they root yeah And then then then they cut away to this slightly strange thing which is um A cop car driving down a ramp,
Starting point is 00:31:26 and it just drives into a river pointlessly, and I wrote this down, having paused, I saw it drive into the water, pause the film, wrote down, cop just drove into a river, why? Started playing the film, my next note says, holy shit, it's an amphibious cop car. This was not a kind of cop suicide. What this is, this is an amphibious cop car. This was not a kind of like cop suicide. What this is, this is an honest to God, Amphicar. They made these, the LBJ had one. He used to prank people by taking them for a drive, pointing at a lake and pretending the brakes were out.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Like, it's so funny. The silliest fucking vehicle. It's just. We need to ship back. We used to have a fucking real country, brackets, Germany. But like, Amphacars, there used to be a fucking channel crossing hovercraft. Like, what are we doing? You said you get to take a weird mode of translation.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Yes. So I checked into this, right? Because I'm me. This is not only a real thing. Hamburg police, like they bought these. They had these for real. There are photos of like Hamburg cops standing up in a car that's in the middle of a fucking canal. In the middle of like a flood,
Starting point is 00:32:40 they were the only police in the world who bought these things. That's so funny. They were used in this movie and nothing else, never appeared in like film otherwise. Why don't we have these? I don't, they just caught them at a really weird moment in their lives, you know, where they were like, yeah, no, we have the Amphacars,
Starting point is 00:32:59 can we use the Amphacars in the movie? All right, I found an Amphacar on sale here on classic trader for 77 grand. But yeah, 1967. Can't you just imagine driving one of those things round London and then just like into the Thames. Why, it does no way it's you less compliant to begin with. Yeah, the KGB company car.
Starting point is 00:33:23 We should. Yeah, then we can then we can drive to fucking it gets 60 hectares on a single tank of carancy. Lasting of the James Bond theme all the way. It looks like the car in that. It's, I cannot believe this. Can I get it in hot pink? Yeah, it's actually this, easily I would say.
Starting point is 00:33:44 This one's in red, but you can repain it. So yeah, the Amphacare cuts him off at the pass. It drives over the river in order to head him off at the other end of the tunnel. But he escapes by virtue of ditching the ambulance, getting in the car of the woman in front, like an absolute nont, and going, hey, can you just hide me because
Starting point is 00:34:07 uh, charm? Yeah. Oh my gosh, Dev, sorry to be real, Dev's just sent me a picture of this cherry red white trim, white wall tie and I'm with white leather seats. Oh my god. And it's just got one big seat at the back for fucking in My god, too little propellers at the bottom. It's convertible What cop
Starting point is 00:34:38 Is fucking beautiful being beautiful made in the right time. I'm spending the time with so many ladies. Yeah, I'm sick of that. Well, about 3,000 were ever made. Oh, my ready to drive and sail. Oh, my God. Yes, drive it home across the like channel. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:34:57 All right, we should just get covered in tears. Oh, that's beautiful. This is pleased by me. Yes. Yes. please by me. Yes. By me first. The silliest cop car. The shared ownership is the only way forward. Yes.
Starting point is 00:35:12 It has to be the KJB company car. So fun. Yeah. So he escapes by just getting in a woman's car, which don't do that. He's sort of flirting with her a little bit because she needs to move forward to let him on to the bridge and close it. She's got a lot of like peeking these dogs in the back and he like makes faces out there. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Yeah. So the cops mistakenly arrest the ambulance driver who he knocks unconscious, which fucking shitty day for that guy, you know? Like, just get arrested and hit in the back of the head for no reason. But yeah, the note that he has from his inventory is like, okay, go to Beirut. They go to Beirut. And they fly on like, you know, beautiful, beautiful airline and beautiful 60s airliner. And two things I know, first of all, the first woman to give me 1960s woman dysphoria is the flight attendant on the like Pakistani Airlines flight here. It was beautiful and second of all fucking wide land and mr. pipe also on the same flight.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Because you know they got the same information, you gotta go to Barrett. Yeah, they chat as well, because, because, they do chat. And it goes up to him and it's crazy how we keep running into each other and, and White London is just like, I will fuck you up. Yeah, he's just like, it's crazy. We're in all the same cities. Now here we are sitting on the same flight to Paris.
Starting point is 00:36:37 And he asked him for a light. He does this really weird thing where he, every time he's talking, his lips are so extended, he's got like a real, a real pog face the whole time he fucking talks. I don't know how to say that anyway. I'm sorry, they're not going to be rude. Yeah, they're going back to Paris.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Yes, because he has a check-in with M. Yeah, and M is like, if M says some more MF Doom lines, and again, I reflect the like, you know, fucking, the Wu Tang had martial arts movies. Doom had superhero movies where the fuck is the Euros by rapper, you know, like with missing a trick 100% because every line in here is like, you know, it's unspeakably powerful, live it in that kind of voice. But what he gives him is, you have that one kid on YouTube
Starting point is 00:37:27 who just fucks with like lasers all the time. Yeah, I do. He just gives him a laser pointer from that kid. It's got a laser pen, a watch that picks up on. It's a tracking device that you swallow an aspirin and then the watch. Yeah, stolen from Thunderbolt. Yeah. It's literally the tracking device thing from Thunderbolt, except it's an aspirin and then the watch. Yeah, stolen from Thunderbolt. Yeah. It's literally the tracking device thing from Thunderbolt, except it's an aspirin instead of a shoe. And then the gadget pen that detects bugs in your room. So it says, go to Beirut, find Polyusky's contact, he's a guy named Druna.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Yes. Then they have the flight where Whiteland and Mr. Pylon and you get told that he has unlimited expenses and permission to kill, do you think, with the aircraft? Sick line, yeah. Then we have the scene where he's flying to Beirut and he harasses the sexy lady.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Yes. He, the thing is, right, he sees this woman and he wolf whistles at her. And she's like, what the, did she just fucking wolf whistles? This woman is very beautiful by the way. And he goes, oh yeah, it's my amazing call. And because he is that Branigan. My notes say he sounds like that Branigan.
Starting point is 00:38:29 It's uncale. If I give you the drop, like, when I see a beautiful bird, I just can't help reacting instinctively. That's that Branigan. That's that Branigan, sorry. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Yeah. Now we know where that voice acting direction came from. Yeah. Billy West watched fucking secret agent fire in Beavroot. Yeah. It's just Richard Harrison. Yeah. Even looks a bit like that, Branagh and his. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Hmm. So yeah, my next note just says mega-nonts because... Yeah, Turbo. He tries to fly it with her. You get shut down, she's not interested. They get off the plane. Sorry, no, no, sorry. He tries to put it with her and she basically
Starting point is 00:39:12 says, please leave me alone, I'm not interested. And he essentially calls her a bitch. He's just like, he was so nice to everybody. By the way, you'd be better if you were nice to the people, fuck you. It's fully like in social. Yeah, it's so like, and I thought we were gonna get to Baru and it's gonna be revealed like,
Starting point is 00:39:28 oh, she's his contact. Because like on the tarmac, he's like still flirting with her and she's like, you're stubborn. He says her being stubborn is the only way to succeed with women. And she drops her bag in the passport line and a bra falls out and he like guesses her cup size. And it's like, it's just so cool. I'm not shit like.
Starting point is 00:39:45 But then, but then she gets in a car and drives away. And I'm like, oh, is she not in his contact? He was just doing this to him. I knew you were doing that. A woman, they're just a random woman. Like this is just how he operates. Disgusting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:57 I do know sort of hauntologically that at Baruch Airport, there is a direct flight from Baruch to Jerusalem, how those days have passed. Three years after this movie. So he meets his contact, Lepitty. I am the Lepitty fan, 2000. Love this guy with my heart. Okay, okay, but so we get to Bar it and we need a we need like our guy in bear it dark divide in the podcast Who is this guy racist? We need like okay? We are guy in bear roots. So we need a Karen Bay character right so so you couldn't
Starting point is 00:40:35 You don't get a lemon. He's guy. He's just a French guy. No, he's a French guy. Yeah, yeah, just a French guy Class of French cabby. Yeah, okay Sounds like one of the classic French French cab drivers of Bay Road. It's opportunity. Yeah. And he occupies the same rollers as Mr. Somsak in OSS Somdeset. He's like, you know, local ally. He's also the guy who says, ah, the famous agent, 117.
Starting point is 00:40:59 And I'm like, wait a minute. Hang on a second, you fucking changed. Yeah, first of all, it's 117X. So fucking right now, nah. Is there a 7.5 on an hour ago? It was 0.7. An earlier one. And the guy gets, say, he's supposed to get a kind of like smug line
Starting point is 00:41:16 that, you know, nod at Bond, but he doesn't deliver it very well. So he just says, like, numbers don't interest me. Which is just a really funny thing to say. And we'll learn to read. They say. I never learned to read. I never learned to count. They're being followed from the airport by like two cars worth of goons. And Liberty is like, don't worry,
Starting point is 00:41:35 I've got some shit up my sleeve for this. I am a shit up my sleeve having motherfucker because. He stops at a red light and like he's in a car chase and he stops at the red light and fucking five was like what the fuck are you doing brother? There's that Jason has and he's like there's a red light and then he he has a little panel on his dashboard and sort of starts pumping this little like plunger thing and it shoots gasoline at the car behind him. The car piss. That's right. And he takes the cigarette out of his mouth and he puts it into a little shoot. And when he starts the car, the cigarette shoots out the back,
Starting point is 00:42:14 ignites the gasoline and completely explodes the car behind him. I wrote 15 question marks and then the word spectacular. Because it doesn't make any fucking sense sense but I do appreciate it massively. Is there like a cigarette chew traveling the length of the cart? Yes, there is a new-matte-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- The smoking is very bad for you. Oh, she got that. I'm trying to... Ah! It's a cigarette that blows your car up instead. Yeah, but then it has to drive away. Yeah, no, no, no, he hands up his cigarette and like fireball smokes it and it blows up in his face because it's the cigarette that annoys you instantly.
Starting point is 00:42:58 And he's like, oh, sorry, this is my other stupid cigarette. Yeah, and here's what I, my note is, he's the cigarette gadget guy that we intimated two movies ago. He's the guy whose every gadget is a cigarette. We've been given like, haunted microphones where the bits that we imagined and made real retroactively like, they call him the tobaccos. He's a paste master shit like what's happening right now. We got the lathe of heaven here for 1960s spy movies. Oh, we've got a successful creator and the times are coming true.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Over, over the guy who uses cigarettes exclusively as his gadgets. It's really on this guy that we haven't invented the cigarette that's good for you yet. Yeah. He's invented every other possible kind of thing. He's gonna do it. But they're all bad for you. That's the monkey's poor. You never, you never like hear of an eccentric tobacanist, do you? You seldom hear of a tobacanist these days.
Starting point is 00:43:58 Listen, he's weird, but he's good. He's unorthodox. The cigarettes. Police believe blood money was involved. He drives him to his hotel and we get some incredible, almost documentary shots of 1965 Beirut, which, wow, some real hot dudes wearing fizzes still, colonial moustaches, trams. I'm instantly distracted. You will never be in 80s Hong Kong. You'll never be in 60s Beirut. It's bullshit. Where is my time machine?
Starting point is 00:44:33 Also, my let's say Beirut, city of people who looked down the camera like they didn't consent to being filmed. Very much just taking photos of people on the street. Yeah, some of them look quite irretime. I only believe that that's fine to do. Already went in the camera. I followed my sorry. Yeah, so he jerks into his hotel and he uses the fucking little spy pen to detect there's a bug. And he like just like screams into the bug or whatever,
Starting point is 00:44:59 like blowing us. I had to lose the guys. I got shit. What the hell? He yelled into it. And why Lenin is there? I think I got to think that this is Lenin. He goes, yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:45:09 It's a great joke. It's American agent. First of all, fantastic. Didn't know why that would be funny yet, but again, the late. Second of all, really enjoyed the guy. Sejans is like Zajoka. Yeah, some men just want to watch the world, but second of all, I enjoyed the guy. Sejansi is like Zajoka. Yeah, some men just want to watch the world burn. But second of all, I enjoy the guy moaning in the middle of that.
Starting point is 00:45:30 Just like, and he's like the, ah, cool. He's doing ASMR and show. I'm having more on Nervy than to yell and it's just like, stop being really boring. Oh god, yeah, you're just like in the room, right? You like use your special pen, you discover that they're spying on you,
Starting point is 00:45:47 you lean directly over the microphone and you go, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I love the stuff they say as someone. And yet, you know.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Stop playing sissy hip, no, don't it? And so then we cut to a bar and for the second time in the movie we cut to the bar and like this is sexy dancer and it's like okay. No dancer. Again, this is like return stuff for pan-Arabists to be like everyone was wearing a fuzz. You could see women's midriffs, you know, and now because of the fucking like Muslim brotherhood you can't do any of that shit anymore. You know, and maybe they were right. Maybe maybe the nice Darapur, probably Republic, you know, maybe they were cooking with that one. I don't know, I don't know. Well, the Muslim Brotherhood, when they set up, like specifically in response to our invasion of Egypt, am I getting that right?
Starting point is 00:46:33 Yeah, but also they're kind of like, they were down on the midriff stuff, you know. There's actually a great speech from NASA back in the day. And NASA was not like unambiguously a good dude, but he was like, I just... Yeah, but they did take us to the moon, so moon. So yeah, yeah, that's the best thing. I remember when NASA made that speech. About abandoning this. Oh, you were like, you were like, you were like, you were fucking none. No, it's just like, it's a real like signal change in like attitude.
Starting point is 00:47:01 He's like, he's talking to a bunch of like, NASA rest like bureaucrats and fast officials and stuff. And he's talking about how like, yeah, I spoke to the like the grandma after the other day and he's like, you know, why don't you, why don't you like enforce the sharia, why don't you make women wear the hijab? And he's like, I know your daughter,
Starting point is 00:47:16 she's at medical school, she doesn't wear the hijab, why don't you wear the hijab? And like the entire audience laughs. And it's like, oh, we fucking, we lost that shit. Don't we? Don't we, man? God fucking damn it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:29 So, yeah. What fucking happens next? My next note is explaining to the haters what a gun is. That is exactly my next note. So we can only intimate the next thing that happens is the gun thing. I think you can. Oh, so next there's a completely fucking bizarre line
Starting point is 00:47:43 because in this sexy bar, Mr. Pipe and Elena are meeting each other and Mr. Pipe says, oh yeah, back in Paris, I killed Fleming's girlfriend off screen. This never comes up. Okay. Here's a girlfriend. What? Is there a scene card? No, that's how she introduces herself to Fleming. Is there's like his fiancee or whatever. Yeah, I think he's talking about the last. Oh, do you mean Kaufman? Yeah,, yeah, oh shit. Okay. All right. Yeah, I didn't even notice for line Why was there this fucking gun there's a gun. He's got I mean he takes the the cabbie
Starting point is 00:48:16 Hostage looks at his car jacks a particular car jacks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the guy puts the gun on him and he explains to him This is a gun. It shoots real bullets. Thanks. No silly bullshit. All right, there's no fucking no splarge backwards. All right, this is a normal time gun. They dabble, they say,
Starting point is 00:48:33 and this is a gun. Shoot real bullets. Hmm. Cute, is it shoot real bullets? Yes. Yeah, so he's like got Lippity Car Jacks, like two other guys are following him. He's making them followity Carjacked, two other guys are following him, he's making them follow
Starting point is 00:48:46 Secret Agent Fireball. Lippity's way of shaking them off is first of all, so break unexpectedly, and then as the guy comes over the bench seat to perfectly uncle chop him into unconscious. And with the air of a guy who done this a hundred times as well, we've really enjoyed that. And with the air of a guy who done this like a hundred times as well, I really enjoy that. If anything, annoyed that he doesn't have a cigarette for this application. And then to engage in a kind of like card joust. Can I just blow and smoke in someone's face? Actually, no, you probably have to breathe that in first.
Starting point is 00:49:19 No worries. Well, so fortunately there's a guy transporting a big red barrel along. Oh, the classic red barrel cart. Yes. That's going to like a centralized red barrel room under a hospital. Yes. So, so he just like, Lippity swirves it and the guy like goes into the cart and of course blows up.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Yeah. There's another car which he, Nobody knows how much anything should explode in this movie. A couple of squirts of gas blows up a car. This massive tanker full of kerosene, nothing, tiny puff. No. Yeah. So he jostles the car.
Starting point is 00:49:55 He turns the car around. He turns his super bright fucking LED headlights that you can't see anything that you drive at night now on. And the guy swirves off the road. And we get like an all-timer in the genre of, thing goes off a five-foot cliff, instantly, it's really good. He explodes in mid-air. Before it hits anything, it's like,
Starting point is 00:50:17 as soon as the tires leave the ground, it blows up and mints say, how? Oh, well, you've got to have all four tires on the ground. Otherwise, your car explodes. That's the classic henchman car, understand? Oh, but you've got to have all four tires on the ground. Otherwise, your car explodes. That's the classic henchman car understand. Yeah, yeah. The wheels leave the ground you're gone. It's the pressure of the car on the tire that really stops them from just exploding.
Starting point is 00:50:37 It's like a mine here. Yeah, yeah, in a built line up. So, so, five more, fiveball goes to the, like this villa, Groove's villa where the Soviets, Elena and Mr. Pike have beaten him there. And they're torturing him, but they're torturing him with a straight razor and he's sort of covered in blood.
Starting point is 00:50:54 And I just looked at this and I went, man, they're doing a terrible job shaving that guy. Yeah, yeah, but they're also not doing a great job torturing him. Also true, like Pike, Mr. Pike, the whole time in this movie is like, I'm so good at torture, I've got. Like pipe, Mr. pipe the whole time in this movie is like, I'm so good at torture. I've got ways of making you talk. He doesn't, fucking doesn't at all.
Starting point is 00:51:10 Like he gives you a razor buzzer. And then you're like, oh, ow, ow, still not gonna tell you. I think that. Which, like, we have a way of making a talk, Mr. Bond. Ow, fuck off, Jesus. Yeah, no vats are, but I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I. Bond. Ow, fuck off, Jesus. Yeah, no, what's up?
Starting point is 00:51:27 Ah, but I will discover something. I have this Gillette razor that I bought on a multi pack and I didn't get any shaving foam. Oh, no. There's a little balm strip that will not save you now, Mr. Bond. So, they're torturing this guy, fireball knocks on the door and in a move that is so insulting for a dude that you already have restrained, Mr. Pike just fucking Uncle Chopsa. It's like, okay, well, bye. And an Elena goes out to play Fam Fatale.
Starting point is 00:52:02 She does a good job of this, though, because she sees the Malaysian fireball and then pretends to swoon at the sight of a man with a gun, knowing that he's that round again enough to heal like, attend to her. Which does, he picks her up and lies her up against her. Yeah, she, she, she, she waits up and she's like, fantastic wine here. I think I need a drink.
Starting point is 00:52:20 Would you like one? Thanks, I always drink on duty. I don't, I don't think that's irony. He is sourced. He's like, okay. He is dangerously irresponsible 24 hours of the fucking day. I respect his soul. Yeah, the last time this guy was sober was in Sunday school. He puts his arm around her without being invited to.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Yes. And he's like, you know, again, tries to seduce her. And she's like, oh no, I'm simply too traumatized or whatever. He doesn't quite try to seduce her. He says, where is Gruner? And she sort of passes herself off as his housekeeper and said, oh, he's gone.
Starting point is 00:52:55 You'll have to come back tomorrow. He completely fucking falls for this. Of course, of course he does. He drives away. I don't think he ever realizes that he's been tricked because he's just like, okay, great. I'll come back tomorrow and then and then leaves. Meanwhile, Gruner has died of being Uncle Chopped and badly shaved. God's sake. Yeah. It takes more people yearly even you'd expect. Uncle Chopped.
Starting point is 00:53:20 So, so he's driving home and by the side of the road, he sees the same woman that he tried to nons in the airport. On the place where we're at. Yeah. And immediately. So, he tries to hit on her again. She's still not interested. She's like, take me to the port. So, he takes it to the port.
Starting point is 00:53:41 And you think that they're going to do the Ronin or the special special tactical unit thing where they're like, oh, someone's coming. We got a pretend to make out, right? And then we're fucked this. Yeah. Just not stop making it. And he just actually assaults her. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:56 She says they have to do that as a henchman. Carder has passed. She kisses him to do the kissing trick. Mm-hmm. She then pulls away and he just fully sexually assaults her by like continuing to kiss her and like she's struggling And he does this until he is knocked out with an uncle chopped by her friend. She gets out of the car and runs away Yes, my notes say he deserved this You of course he did. I mean
Starting point is 00:54:17 like First I thought that the the henchman car was also the guy who knocks him out And I was like, okay, this is like a gambit on her part in order to make him vulnerable to getting hit in the back of the head really hard, which would complicate things a bit. But it's not. It's like much more simple than that. I had a whole bit here about like the way the show the Americans does this, that I can just like throw in the trash now.
Starting point is 00:54:40 Um, yeah, it gets hit really hard in the head. This, yeah, no, I firmly believe that she, like this is nothing to do with being a spy. This is just a normal situation. She had them knocked out because it's the only reasonable way to leave his company. Yeah. Absolutely. He's in the hotel the next morning. And he comes down to breakfast. First of all, every woman in this, like, poor area is like looking at this guy. Back when Dad Bard and receding hairline was like looking at this guy. Back when Dad Abandon receding Hairline was like ultimate level sex symbol. He's also wearing some fucked brown trunks.
Starting point is 00:55:10 So do you remember when? He is wearing fucked brown. Remember when Daniel Craig did that bit in Casino Rial where he came out of the the the sea and like tiny blue trunks? He's wearing those trunks, but they're brown. He's just not really. Also he's not, he's like reasonable shape, but like the point of that scene with Daniel Craig
Starting point is 00:55:26 is that like he was very hot. Like he'd taken good care of his body, as the sheep said. This guy has, that's not, he jobs occasionally and that's like a, not impressive. So he meets Lippity and he says, maybe the funniest thing, because we said brain injury bond earlier. He was like, you know, how'd you make it out last night?
Starting point is 00:55:43 And Lippity is like, yeah, I had to kill a couple of people, didn't get to use a cigarette, sucked. How, how, you know, what news you? And the guy goes, yeah, it was knocked out for five minutes. I'm fine though. Don't worry. It's fine. It's happened all the time.
Starting point is 00:55:55 I was drinking as well. Friendly medical advice from your friendly podcast, Killed James Bond. If you are unconscious for five minutes. That's a long time. That's you you need to go to the hospital. Yes. Perhaps even shorter than that. I feel like if you get knocked out and you concretely blank, like black out, go to the hospital. I don't care how long it was. Yeah, brain injuries sometimes take time to manifest. You do not want to be caught out.
Starting point is 00:56:25 For the rest of the movie, this man has a concussion. Like, this will explain much of his decision making. Yes. Does not really go through explaining chairs that revolve on their own. It's so, all this guy does is drink on the job and get knocked out. My man has no neurons. The guy gets knocked out. He's working on stimulus response.
Starting point is 00:56:47 That's why he sees that woman of wolf whistles automatically. His brain is like sand. The next day, he's looking at a chair that doesn't revolve and he's like, chairs that revolve on their own, make me run and nervous. It's like, rooms are revolve on their own. I was really happy with that. It took me like three tries to get the whole her own. I was really happy with that. It took me like three tries to get the whole sentence out. I was really happy.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Nothing from it. I punched it up. That was the way of continuing the flow of the joke. I thought it was funny. I liked it. Thank you. Thank you. He says in the newspaper that the sexy lady from the plane, her name is Liz and she is
Starting point is 00:57:24 Groon as Nice. She is Grunas Nice. She is Grunas Nice. Yeah, it's the man from other thing, but they're doing it with a slightly like reconfiqued thing where we don't know that this is the scientist, it's like sexy nice. My question to you and the world, why does every scientist have a beautiful niece,
Starting point is 00:57:41 daughter, sister, or whatever the fuck. What is it about studying the sciences that means that someone makes in your family is like an absolute smoke show? Is it like some kind of natural law, like being a Marxist academic means your kids are shit-lib? Like what? I don't think it is.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Maybe it's a shame. Some people in the family get the brains, others get the booty. It's very rare that someone in the family will get both. But it does happen. God sake, if I'm an only child. Yeah, so, God, I've been going to a... I'm looking at the movie right now, I'm playing it, so I know. On the other monitor, he goes to a psychic gives,
Starting point is 00:58:27 what is the psychic or is this hang on? Wait a minute, what is the fucking movie? No, I got this hang on, it's just a woman. Yeah, he's just going to be a woman. He bribes a local to tell him that he's, because he was giving her money. I thought like she was like a fortune teller or something, but no, no, she is just fortune-teller coded
Starting point is 00:58:44 in that she's got a monobrow. Yes, like, she's a sex worker inside or something, but no, no, she is just fortune-teller- She is just fortune-teller- She's got a monobrow. Yes, like, I was on the square. She's a sex worker. She is a sex worker. I do, so again, the thing of like, you know, this woman has played for like laughs, since the idea that she would like have sex with him is disgusting, but I do appreciate the verb
Starting point is 00:58:59 with which she delivers it, where she's like, yeah, listen, if you get bored looking for this like dumb woman, you want something more substantial, which I like. Yeah, he bribes her with 20 quid, and she's like, Bar, listen, if you get bored looking for this like dumb woman, you want something more substantial, which I like. Yeah, he drives over 20 quid and she's like, wherever if you're giving me 20, you can give me another 20. I know what you're. Yeah, I don't want it to get lonely, which is a great line. So yeah, she gives me a tip on a boat and he goes to see the boat and there's a guy there, a classic boat guy. Boat man, he's got like, you know, he's wearing, you know, sort of vaguely nautical ensemble, you know, oily leather jacket, things of this nature. And the guy, like, you know, looks at me, goes,
Starting point is 00:59:35 okay, have you seen where this one went, where her boat went, the guy goes, no, he goes, that's funny, I remember you. From the rain. From hitting me over the back of the head so that I was unconscious for five minutes, which I think is something that you might not remember after. This guy's got such a conty.
Starting point is 00:59:53 You didn't see his hand. I've only seen it. Yeah, it's kind of like. He does not add at any point, look at this guy's hand, we see the ring because it's put in the frame, but he absolutely doesn't. Yeah, it's like, I remember that ring from your hand when you were beating me unconscious. Oh, I felt a ring on that hand when I got bashed in the head for assaulting that woman. I just feel like, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:14 This guy was doing like actual like alternatives to policing, you know. He was doing community justice in what's the thing. He's calling in his boys. He gets the shit kicked out of him in his own boat yard, you know, it's fucked up. Yeah, boat and deemed fight. And pretty weak, not great. As he's leaving, we get a crash zoom on the two Soviet like goons. And I love it because it's the first time
Starting point is 01:00:38 we've seen them in Beirut and fucking Mr. Pike is still wearing a leather trench coat and a fedora. It looks like it's about a hundred degrees. It's incredibly sunny. It's perfect. I don't know. So is a Lepetite is waiting outside while the fight is happening and he's like throwing imaginary punches while smoking.
Starting point is 01:01:00 And then he attempts to make it look like he's just arrived as he comes out. So he's like, he is incoming like throws a cigarette and starts walking towards the door just nice circle. Yeah So yeah, the moment from this guy really good They're like oh, yeah, they went to the island of something. Yeah, we gotta go to the silent. Yeah, remember how That one bond movie had The camp and the fights Oner, yeah, yeah, yeah, what the fuck is this location? one Bond movie had the camp and the fights and the bar of the number eights of honor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck is this location?
Starting point is 01:01:29 So what happens is he goes to a camp of... Minus a native camp? Yeah. So fuck it. Like Omar fucking Sharif is there in his like Guthra. He's got like got the Igalon and everything. He's you know the headdress and He's like yeah, she's she's under my protection and swimming goes okay fine I I will do you with knives. Yeah, he says if there is a if there is a method in your country for men to settle a difference
Starting point is 01:01:58 Then I challenge you in front of your people, which is just like what what? Again, really hard MF Doom line. So yeah. Yeah. The other thing is, it's now almost old fashioned to do the kind of like, on a bound warrior culture thing about Arabs. Again, it's like hauntological now. It's like even when the Bond movies do it,
Starting point is 01:02:21 they always have to temper it by being like, surprise, this guy went to Cambridge, but you feel racist now, don't you? And it's like, Yeah, these seats may as well be the klingons. Yeah, 100%. But so they have a knife fight where they're tied together at the waist,
Starting point is 01:02:37 which is, I look to see if this is a thing anywhere. And as far as I can tell, it's like, there's a Western thing that they've just sort of adapted. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, a lot of places switched back and forth from Eurosby's to Weston.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Mm-hmm. That makes sense, I guess. It sounds odd to say this sentence, but the knife duel is boring. It is boring. The reason it's boring is because it's pointless. This guy is just a miniboss. He's just here to slow the film down.
Starting point is 01:03:06 He doesn't have a character, he doesn't have any reason. He comes and goes from the film as soon as he loses and like, you know, Bart spares his life. He's like, okay, fine, I owe you a dead of honor. I'll show you what loses. He just leaves the movie and never comes back. Like, I would hate to like owe someone a dead of honor is the thing.
Starting point is 01:03:20 I think I'd be really inconvenient. It's pretty easily discharged in this case. I was like, I was trying to take like a day off and the phone rings, like, I was like, oh, we f***ing out of honor. I was like, I'm f***ing jerseys. I'm f***ing out of honor. I'm f***ing out.
Starting point is 01:03:30 I was f***ing lying, man. Yeah, no, it's straight up just like, hey, this guy knows the information that we'll get you to next location, but he's not gonna tell you until you finish a scene with him and then you can make a move. Yeah, you've got to do it in the mid-action sequence.
Starting point is 01:03:44 And you need to click the culture and his sensitivity of this movie way up. Can you help me move some furniture into my new house? Yeah. So, yeah, he shows them to the woman whose name is Liz. Yeah, it's Liz, but the pronounce it Liz. Oh, Lizzie. Yeah, Lizzie. He says, will your corporate revenge?
Starting point is 01:04:06 He says, no. You literally have not this woman at every possible opportunity. Why would she do you any favors ever? Yeah. Just in general, just purely in self-interest, he would have had an infinitely easier time were he able to be even one percent normal? Yes. Is that so again?
Starting point is 01:04:26 I'm what what was the editor cooking because she says no I won't cooperate with you. We then cut to the next morning to another location which is like the iron hills outside mortal which is where outside somewhere it's the morning. Bob Barton Liza talking she says I'm afraid and his immediate response is literally next line She says I'm so afraid he says can I kiss you again? I'm like what is happening man. This is his line Regarding that the last time he kissed me. I'd like to out for five minutes Go to hospital Hamage on great brain damage under Brain damage editor, but then anyway, that kissing and she says,
Starting point is 01:05:07 the microfilm is instructions on how to build an age bomb. And Bart says, you know, the USA and the USSR already have age bomb. And anyway, at this point, thank God, Widen and the boys show up to kind of like do something in the film. Thank God I was, yeah, my note was just like, where's wide-leining? I need them back. I'm fully on wide-leining side and there's one thing I have no question. So, they capture Lee's.
Starting point is 01:05:34 They've learned to shoot him, which thank God. Yeah, he tries to escape, because again, always be trying to escape. Yes. Never, ever let yourself be captured out of loyalty. Always ditch everyone and run. Yes. But as he's making his way over a ridge line, Rookie era, he gets shot and it's winked. And then fucking wide-legged and hands the pistol back to Mr. Pike, but the way that he
Starting point is 01:06:00 does this, it's a perfectly ordinary action. He just does like a sick, silenced pistol flip for no reason. What he just, he just like tosses it in his hand. It's like, such a bad, Mr. Piper's like, should I go finish him off? Where'd Lennon's like, nah, whatever. Gotta go to a next location, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:06:21 to be honest, yeah. So I don't worry about it. It's fine, probably. So the next location is they're gonna torture for information. You know, he's fucking like cracking open in you packet of those, of those like best value razors. He's like, right. So I'm gonna figure this fucking out this time.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Spawning up an epilator. Okay, right, fucking Stoestone, I'm gonna do the bits under your knees. And, and wide linen is like anti-tourcher. He's like, I don't like these methods. They're like unpleasant, you know? And you like answer for her with your life, which is funny because he has already tortured her a bit.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Like, he's kind of gone, okay, that's now too much, you know? Favorite of some war crimes, not all. He's distancing himself from Mr. Pipe in this in a situation. Yeah. And you would hate to be distanced from it. Of course, Fleming has survived this. He goes to the hotel. He's all beaten up. The manager does the like the American just walked into the hotel.
Starting point is 01:07:23 He makes the phone call, at which point Fleming picks up the phone and immediately ruins the adamant of surprise that he has by issuing threats down the phone and been like, yeah, I am alive. And also I'm coming to your location now. It's like, okay, man, I feel like you know, you could have done some espionage there. Yeah. So Gruner who supposedly has survived, gets a message to Fleming that's like, yeah, come and meet me We'll like sort all this out. Mm-hmm. And the petite is like this is obviously a trap Fleming who has been hitting the head very hard is like yeah, go on any this guy's like rivaling Goku for a number of head injuries at this point Yeah, no, it's bad
Starting point is 01:08:03 So he goes to the thing and he like you know, the whole place is deserted and empty. He opens. Oh, is this for new location? Really funny little bit of guard banter between the two guards who are there. Well, one of us like, yeah, he's dead. Why are we still guarding his property? He's like, shut up. It's our job.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Okay. Okay. If we need the movie about the 60s Beirut cops, you know, it was more interesting than this. But yeah, he just like takes the hand break offirut cops, you know, it was more interesting than that. But yeah, he just like takes the hand break off on that Jeep and they have to go chase on. So he breaks into the villa where he thinks green is wasting full hand.
Starting point is 01:08:33 And there's just a coffin in the thing, at which point I wrote down, he was a vampire. He was a hard turn into horror. But no, nothing that interesting. No, Groen calls him on the phone. He's like, yeah, no, there's a dead guy in the coffin, but it's not me. I mutilated his face to her fake by own death, and he opens the coffin and has a look and goes, which is such a perfect, like, I don't know what I expected thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:04 This is like, ew, I'm sorry. Well, so we know this is a trap because we can hear the guy's voice on the phone and it's quite clearly wide-learned. Yeah, yeah, this guy that you've spoken to, like multiple times. Anyway, so he says, come and meet me at the abandoned villa that's not a trap.
Starting point is 01:09:21 He goes, obviously, it's a trap. Wide-learned and the boy. This is a lumen to a second trap. Yeah, boys. He's already there. He's already trapped. Like, whatever. I love to lure a spy into a trap, but I'd lure him into a second different trap. That's for the XP, not. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:36 Anyway. Because we need to be in the same location as Lee's. Yeah. So they uncle chop him and take him, well, they knock him out and put him in the car, and they take him to where Lee's is being held finally. And so again, wide linen honorable communist is like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not going to torture a woman. I'm talking to you. I don't give a shit. Like you clearly like, you say you're an enemy agent. Yeah, there's barely even torture. Like you're walking around a nest that I is by like a huge amount of alcohol
Starting point is 01:10:05 and also serious brain injury. I'm not even sure if you're going to feel it, but we are still going to like shave your legs the wrong way anyway. So, luckily he has something for this, which is the device that lasers off your own arms. Ah, yes, of course. Yes, well, so he gives Lee's an aspirin with a tracking device in it. And then she says, oh, I don't know whether my film is, and then finally she confesses, oh, it's in the heel of one of Poliski's shoes. Like, so he's been buried wearing it. And like, oh, right, we're going to go to the cemetery.
Starting point is 01:10:40 She takes the pill. And then Bart cuts himself free with the laser pen, which we've been shown can melt metal. Yes, very much. It's like aiming this at his own, like this is a fun, listen, don't talk to me about safely getting shit off of your wrist without cutting yourself. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:56 Yeah. Mm. Yeah, I don't know. Just really. Get some of yourself here. What the fuck happens next in this movie? Finally we get an interesting twist, which is that they dig up Polioski and they get the microphone back and then Mr. Pike pulls the reveal.
Starting point is 01:11:13 Yeah, he pulls a gun on Widelining and he goes, You'll be great coming in. Which I mean, okay. Every time the Patreon goes up over a certain number, just straight, god, you're listening. It's very funny to be like, no, no, no, split the party, you know? Classic list activist thing to be like, no, no, no, you guys are like left deviationists or right deviationists.
Starting point is 01:11:38 You're going to get purged by me right now with my pint. We do kind of find out later on what the deal with this is, but for now it's a little bit mystified. But anyway, it's a pipe shoots Wide Lening and the other two guys, and then him and Elena run with the microfilm. But Wide Lening isn't dead, we see. No, it's just fine. So they drive off with these,
Starting point is 01:11:59 and then Bart and Lepati are in hot pursuit. Lepati gets shot, but he's fine. No, and then I wrote that. He breaks off hot pursuit. Lepity gets shot, but he's fine. No, and then I wrote that, that's fine. He breaks off the pursuit to take him to the hospital, which is nice. Yeah, it is nice. And then after that, he steals a Lebanese Air Force helicopter.
Starting point is 01:12:15 This is a crazy sea. So what? He just like nicks this fucking Lebanese helicopter. And a guy like, please, don't fly my helicopter way. They're gonna be so mad at me. And he's like, I'm doing, I'm taking, helicopter. It's like, please! It's like, please! Don't fly my helicopter way, they're gonna be so mad at me. And he's like, I'm doing, I'm taking this helicopter. It's full of whiskey. I'm flying it on behalf of the United States. He's like, could I at least have the whiskey out the back?
Starting point is 01:12:34 Have I ever received it? And he looks over the whiskey and is like, I'll drink to your health. Ooh, that's like dickhead. Butter, butter! Such casual disregard for the working man. There's no music for like the rest of the film. That's true. The other action sequence is just like no music.
Starting point is 01:12:51 They're all on the helicopter. And you know what, there are some like cool helicopter shots of 60s, very root, where I'm like, this is nice. Listen, it's so exciting on paper to have a car chase for one of them's a helicopter, but unfortunately, they did not have the ability to film this in a way that was exciting. So it's just real. A nice, exciting thing is that he has to stop and fill up the helicopter.
Starting point is 01:13:13 Another James Bond joke. Another James Bond joke that he ruins by being slightly too mean to the guy. He calls him good boy. He does say good boy to him. I don't really know what's going on. This, this, yeah, I mean, yeah, and fanfising racist obviously. Yeah, not great. So pipe under Lena get leased onto a speedboat. They're going to speed out into the ocean and meet a submarine. Cool, sick. Love that as an escape plan. Fantastic. Bart flies over the
Starting point is 01:13:43 Miner helicopter and throws whiskey bottles at them. Yeah, he just goes beg me mode. He just tries to glass them. Like, he's just, he's just going. You won't choose him because he might hit Lee's. Yeah, he's just throwing bottles of whiskey down at them. Lee's takes a microfilm and just like jumps overboard. At which point Bart shoots the whiskey and ignites it and they blow up the boat. Again, it's like jump over the sea.
Starting point is 01:14:04 Yeah, genuinely, if you burn to death in the ocean, that's on you. There's water. What do you... He jumps out of a moving helicopter at this point and he's fine. And these two can't jump out of a boat, they just burn to death. Why does he leave the helicopter? Which seems to be... He's like flying forwards.
Starting point is 01:14:23 He does Lebanese 9-11 to some rock stuff of Beirut. Like he just like perfectly flies the helicopter into them for no reason whatsoever. I don't know man, I feel like the helicopter was functioning. Yeah, it could have just had a grab onto the whatever. They make it to the shore, the kiss, at which point, Wydelene is like, thank you for delivering me the microphone.
Starting point is 01:14:44 Yeah, that's daton com right. Again the Bond movies wouldn't get to this kind of level of yeah, soviet humour. Song for what? Yeah, it's just this all the 70s. That's way ahead of. Well, yeah, so now to get the reveal which is that Widen and it's like because because Bart is like why do you want the plans for an H-bomb? We've already got the, we've already got H-bomb, and then he's like, ah, yes. All along, we've been trying to stop it getting into the hands of those dastardly Chinese.
Starting point is 01:15:14 Oh, I see. That's what the portraying communism thing was about. This is after the kind of sinusovia split. For a second time, the Euro spy movie is afraid of China. Yeah. Who, by the way, aren't even in this. No.
Starting point is 01:15:30 I guess Mr. Piper is just either a member of the Soviet faction that wants to arm China or just indirectly a Chinese agent. But yeah, no Chinese guys. That would get the natural one. It's kind of a mercy considering what the last one did with Chinese guys. Yeah, true. Like, yeah. That's great.
Starting point is 01:15:50 So then, their friends all along and fucking wide-learned and give some a lift to the hotel, which is kind of him. Yeah. Like nothing is climactic as a spy movie ending with someone getting a lift off their friend. Well, it's actually the final thing that happens is they're on the plane on the way home. Bart and Lee's kiss. Lipotite is alive. He's fine. He's coming back to Paris with them for some reason, whatever.
Starting point is 01:16:11 And then it turns out, ah, Bart, pickpocketed, wide-learned. He has the microphone all along. And then they're him and Lee's kiss. We cut to the outside of the plane and we get the end card, which is also my review of the film. Which is just the word fine. So far. Yeah, no, I was so, so right.
Starting point is 01:16:29 Because I was listening to the dub, I forgot it was an Italian and it's Fina, but no, it's just like, Fina, just kind of, it's fine. So, yeah. That is basically my review. Yeah, I don't have any thoughts left, you know, for reviews. It's one of the scummy usbans that we've had in a long time. Like, I don't like this fucking guy.
Starting point is 01:16:52 I hope that we don't see him again. You know, you say that, but they did a sequel called, and this is a long list. Killers are challenged. Mission Casablanca, Bob Fleming, Mission Casablanca, Agent 077, Sveta H Killers. You tried to make Bob Fleming a fuck, you tried to make that the name,
Starting point is 01:17:15 you didn't even say it in this episode. You just made me, you just made me, and then also at another point when he meets Liberty, he's like my name, it's like a fucked version of Robert, it's like Robert, but it doesn't have a tea like, who is this man? What is his number?
Starting point is 01:17:30 What is in his inside pocket? Are these people? Does he have a head of tree or do I have a head of tree? They made this net the next year. So it may not be too long before we get to Bob Fleming mission cast. Bob's in Doug Knight, cast a Blanca killer. Oh.
Starting point is 01:17:51 All right. Well, I'm okay. We've done some good work today. We've started a codified the way these movies are made. We've got the Dublin lines, we've got the Caron Bay, like, we've got structure here. We've got the cigarettes that kill you instantly. We are, we are the like, foremost experts in bondology. I think that's the, yeah. Yeah, we are the Institute for Advanced Bondology.
Starting point is 01:18:18 We need to, we need to be given an honorary degree. A Salt and Bondology. They've done like a specialist course in media studies. So we've only done like one kind of media. Yeah, we all need to get like a film study degree. But it was like award us an honorary degree. Is anyone listening as the capacity to award an honorary degree?
Starting point is 01:18:41 I think I'm just funny. It would be very funny if I got an honorary degree for this before I got one for the just funny. It would be very funny if I got an honorary degree for this before I got one for the last YouTube. That would be very funny. Speaking of awarding things, we have a science-based system on this podcast. We do. We determine exactly how bad it is. It's called the scum system.
Starting point is 01:18:56 It stands for SMAM, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny. How SMAMI is secret agent fireable. Very. Pretty bad. One of the smamiest of all time, I would say. And yet without having many like quotable lines. Well, we gave the great Spy Chay 7. I think solely for... When I see a beautiful bird, I just can't help reacting.
Starting point is 01:19:21 The music too. The Sap Braniganus of Sap and Shirley. Yeah yeah, I think so it's absolutely it's come trying to do like an opening line on the last at all You've got is that she's in a rotating chair like a fuck okay I see a rotating And permission to kill. Hold Tron in the center. I'm never gonna kill yourself Steve. Fuck off. Ranted. It's true, James Bond, the license to kill yourself.
Starting point is 01:19:54 What are you think of the sign, I feel, is we missed the perfect tagline for this show after like two years. It's a bit dark. We can't listen to it. Possibly. That's a sensitivity. It's completely dead on the ground. There's spinning a little double-onced. It's just over here, like completely.
Starting point is 01:20:27 But those were all the always the funniest moments of playing Night Fire, where you were doing the Bond thing and died, and then you actually got that. Wow. Anyway, that's a real Bond shot. A cultural sense. It's a very bad high grade. It just comes out of nowhere.
Starting point is 01:20:44 Yeah, yeah. I mean, take, he's not explicitly weird about Beirut, but it doesn't need to be because it's explicitly weird about like whatever the fuck kind of island Arab encampment he went to. Yeah. Like, what was going on there? What was that seen about?
Starting point is 01:21:05 The guy is credited by the way only as Balbec, the tribal leader. Again, Klingons. Yeah, is the dude Arab, not known, his name is Goffredo. So Balbec's a city in Lebanon, isn't it? So maybe it's like just someone from the surrounding. This is like New York, the American. Yeah. If it's like New York tribe leader, and it's like great. Well, it's like, it's like, it's on the tribal leader, not like the Balbek tribe leader.
Starting point is 01:21:37 Really? They've named him New York. His name is New York. Yeah. Oh, they're still a delphiatic. Six or seven surely. I mean, what's, what's, I'll back to Bay, I'll back to Bay Roo is to New York. I don't know, Albany. Like, this is an Albany tribe leader.
Starting point is 01:21:56 That's, but his name is Albany. Yeah, Albany. God, six. Six. Six, six. I have done with it, six. Six. Six. Six. I have done with it, six.
Starting point is 01:22:07 Unprovoked violence. I mean, it doesn't really, I mean, he challenges the guy to a duel, which is solving your problems with violence, but. Yeah, it's given the problem once that was kind of unprovoked. Yeah, yeah. Other than that, though, he doesn't like, like I mean unless you count the violence of you know sexually assaulting a woman right which has got to bump it up more We it's a question of whether we're we're solely treating that under Miss Ojini or whether we tend to roll out into Miss Ojini
Starting point is 01:22:37 Even though it is Violent well the thing is we've never said that the scum system is like you know Good or since we did and it is so can we give them a couple of points for threatening and innocent tattoo artists? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've got to protect our two artists. For, I guess. It took a service. Maybe a bit strong. A sidearm. Yeah. I think Lippertit kills people, but like a lot of it is provoked. You know, it's under threat of torture. Yeah, he does it very slapstick, though, sir. He does choose to like kick the shit out
Starting point is 01:23:07 of the boat guy for information as well. Oh, yes, he does. When actually he completely deserved a beat. Yeah, I think a bit for. Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. And then, boy, misogyny. Well, we've got two on-screen sexual assaults at least.
Starting point is 01:23:25 Pulling a woman's bra out of her bag is like, I know that's not the major thing here, but it's so humiliating. On camera assault, on camera harassment, on camera public humiliation. Eight? Eight? Yeah, I could go eight by all means. That gives us a total score of, I can't do maths. You never learned to count.
Starting point is 01:23:48 I didn't, numbers don't interest me. I'm super jet lagged, so I'm going to use the number to add up for numbers under 10. It's so fine I do this as well. It just makes up a show. That gives us a turtle score of 25. 25. Wow, a really round number. It's pretty, pretty bad. It's a round number. Yeah, so, yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:05 This is the worst Euro spy movie we've had yet. Ah, makes sense. Yes, kind of is. Do we have? It's not because FX18 is, but like, FX18 didn't have the opportunities to be bad in the way that this day. FX18 was only in 23. Was not a competent movie.
Starting point is 01:24:20 This wasn't even, but I got to see some fucking, like, amphic cars, which is nice. Do we have any awards? Do we want to hand out to anyone? Cronstein's got a nice... He didn't actually destroy the entire tone of the movie. Okay, well, I'm using my veto on that. So...
Starting point is 01:24:37 We must maintain the sanctity of the Calvin Star. It's only for giving out three times. Calvin inflation. I think good night to Liberty. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. I think, I think,
Starting point is 01:24:52 the last thing that sounds like a scientific principle, maybe Google it. I don't know. I'm seeing from this the pipe. He goes above and beyond for the cause of feminism. Yeah, I think that's true. This is boss in order to do better. I do want to give a good night's lip to you
Starting point is 01:25:04 because I like him a lot Yeah, I like other than that No, that's about it. That's it. Well, it's probably an episode I'll just kill James Bond for listening. That's right our next bonus episode if you subscribe to the patreon is gonna be The conformist finally got around to that We put it back because of Halloween. So subscribe to the Patreon. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:29 And we will see you next time. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. In two weeks time, the next episode will be, um, I believe it is called, Shots in Three Quarters Time. This is a German Euro spy movie. We've not had one of those yet. Um, and we're very excited to see what goes on with that. But if that is simply too long for you to wait, we do have a Patreon,
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