Upstream - S3E9: Die Hard 2

Starting point is 00:00:00 Merry Christmas! Hello and welcome to a special Christmas edition of Kill James Bond. I am Alaskar Dwakelli, I am assisted by my elves, Abigail Thorne and Devon. Oh, hello! Back to the halls, baby. It's Kil'James Bond Christmas special. Yo!

Starting point is 00:00:38 Yo! What day is it? Why so it's bond mustay? Opening my presents and they released some kind of gas. Yeah, if you open this briefcase, you're at your attachy case in which your presence are contained. It's got a roll of gold sufferings. Pay attention, 007. This is some app, a shame and some chocolates. We're all very happy to be working with you. We'll just have a very Merry Christmas 007.

Starting point is 00:01:03 Looks like an ordinary pair of socks. So this organization tolerates failure. Here you go, bud. It tolerates failure every year. And this is the thing. Blowfeld doing his big meeting as AGM on Christmas and he's like, touch your hand to the metal plate. Ah, you know what, maybe don't.

Starting point is 00:01:24 You know what, it's vice-Christmas. Say what you will. Spectre as an organization has tolerated an immense amount of failure from one Ernst Avro Blowfeld. True, absolutely. That's true. So the entire organization's purpose is to tolerate his failures at this point. Much like me in this podcast.

Starting point is 00:01:39 We're stalling for time because as is tradition now, now we've done it twice as tradition as a sonot we've we We're doing die hard again because of your boyfriend capital Y capital B your boyfriend T.M. The most annoying man in the world Loves to say die hard as a Christmas movie, right and he loves to say this is if this is some huge great You know film insight that no one else has had. And so we did diehard last Christmas, this Christmas, we're doing the one that, where a guy, an Italian American man, pops up every five minutes to go,

Starting point is 00:02:14 where we Christmas, there is no disputing. This guy hard to is a Christmas film. Absolutely. 100% would be reductive to say that it doesn't. If you're wrong even, cut the bit right step reductive because it's not the right word. Cut this whole bit, you know what?

Starting point is 00:02:30 Maybe you just cut the whole podcast. Maybe I don't even need to say anything. Maybe we can just like do like what? I can just do the very Christian. This organization tolerates failure. We got it, we got it. It's part of our job now. It's our raison d'etre. We have to talk about diehard too.

Starting point is 00:02:47 I'll be honest right. It's the second diehard. I believe that was a tagline die harder in German the hard to fuck sake of it Devon Do you have the cinema since ding? I? Have it on my desktop. I can put it on the sample us so quickly. Because it's going to become important. Because my experience of watching Die Hard 2 is I have very little to say about it

Starting point is 00:03:15 other than the fact that this is wrong. And so watching this, I could hear in my head a kind of like machine gun fire of cinema sins dinges. Exactly. I appreciate how slow you were talking at it. Give me the time to get it. But like I was trying to keep talking and no one explodes dragging it into the sunlight. But no, the experience of watching Die Hard 2 is like talking to a man who is like,

Starting point is 00:03:44 he's funny sometimes, he's who is like, he's funny sometimes, he's kind of charming, he's a little bit interesting. But every single thing he says to you is so wrong. It's so wrong, but correcting it becomes impossible not to. This happened to me in LA when I was hanging out and this guy who was also in the hotel for a Medical technology conference started hitting on me and he was telling me about crypto And how he was from Florida and then he was like talking about increasingly right-wing and I was just like I'm wearing a bikini and I have my legs crossed and if I own cross my legs I'm gonna destroy this man's entire psyche when he sees my

Starting point is 00:04:21 I'm like I'm just gonna not do that He might get violent. The thing is, it's not even a particularly right-wing movie by the standards of like early 90s, late 80s action movies. What it is though, it's like if that guy, right, and so talking to you about crypto, had been like his opening gambit, did you know that weasels were a type of dog? It's Anthony Hopkins from The Edge, but wrong about everything. Do I still have the... He's grand sexual.

Starting point is 00:04:50 That's what he thought. Yeah, but that's not the one. Real, real end of year vibes from this one. Look at that fly. I like this film though. I like it because you don't need to have seen Die Hard one, so listen, don't worry about that. Because it's basically just like die hard

Starting point is 00:05:07 B die hard again Hmm. Yeah die hard one or you need to know John McClain Bruce Willis. He's a cop is an LAPD cop He used to be an NYPD cop But the events of die hard one happened. We see him first at the airport at Dallas Airport in Washington, DC It's Christmas. it's snowing, and he is doing some mild police corruption, because he has parked his car illegally, directly in front of the airport. He's just like, you know, left it there

Starting point is 00:05:34 with the door open, like he's gonna fucking, like, terrorize the place, and they're towing his car. And he tries to do the kind of like, listen, I'm a cop. You're also a cop. Would it be who have you to do some professional cop to see? Let's do some corruption together. Yeah, yeah. Parked right in front of the airport for a flight

Starting point is 00:05:53 for his canonically getting there in like three hours. He's just gonna wait. He's parking in the red area. And dude, the red area is for loading and unloading only. And this Italian America. Did you seriously just park a car in the red area? That's for loading and unloading only and this this Italian American Seriously just parking on the red area That's for loading unloading This Italian American cop who shows up every five minutes to say very Christian says very Christian

Starting point is 00:06:15 And he does yeah, he's pretty sure it goes, but it's Christmas surely you wouldn't tell Of guys car on Christmas. It's copsmas day. Yeah, come on, you wouldn't hit a little birthday boy. If the birthday boy was Jesus. Yeah, and he's like, he's like, listen. I don't give a shit if it's, if you're, you know, some fancy pants LA cop, you still parked illegally, I'm gonna tell you a car. Yeah, there's like weird regional cop beef in this.

Starting point is 00:06:41 Yeah, that is. This guy's called Surgeon Vito Lorenzo, by the way, and this is the level of cultural and sensitivity we're going to operate on. I wrote down at this point when he does something so corrupt, you have to hit him with a surfer co-star and he's not starting to lose. I'm going to tell you 100%. So John McLe to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

Starting point is 00:07:10 I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. and meanwhile. Ah, no, so they have this phone call which sets up one of our themes of the movie.

Starting point is 00:07:25 Oh, fuck, I get one something. It sets up. So John calls her and there's a phone on the plane, which I don't think we even have that now. But like, he's saying, oh, it's amazing. Like, you know, you beeped my page and then I called you and she's like, yeah, it's the 90s, like technology. It's like the 90s.

Starting point is 00:07:42 Technology's gay, actually. That's one of our themes of the film. He's a man out of time. Yeah. Totally original. We've never had that before. Oh, man, I'm trying to time. That'll be good.

Starting point is 00:07:52 That'll be interesting. Let's see how he interacts with the technology. Second thing to note about this movie is this is in the 90s, right? Sure. This is pre-9-11 and we're talking about an airport. Yeah. It's a different fucking world. You could do anything.

Starting point is 00:08:08 Yeah, it's unbelievable. The shit that he does. Oh, man, you're just smoking in there, guy carrying a running chainsaw. You know, Ben Laden is there. There's two dudes. He's walking, carrying a big plane of glass all the time. John has a gun.

Starting point is 00:08:23 Yeah, just like, in a net Yes, that's what the woman's, the woman's sitting next to Holly on the plane and it's just like nice older lady, she's kind of boring. She's like, by the way, I brought my stun gun on this plane in case anyone gives me any shit. She pulls out the taser and then as if to prove it's real, let's it bark briefly.

Starting point is 00:08:44 She does the jigs She does the language. Like spark. In your carry on, madam. Yeah. No, fully, just carry that on board. So the other thing is the news is telling us. Still no liquid. It's over 125 mil, though.

Starting point is 00:08:56 Yeah. It's very strong. That's right. They're doing a Manuel Noriega bit, right? This, uh, deposed South American dictator, general Raman Esperanza, in the Tom Clancy C Senua, drop here, from, from the country of Valverde, which is the same kind of, in, uh, the, uh, Schwarznake movie Commando, by the way, so it's just sort of general Latin American. Little reference there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, he's being extradited to the

Starting point is 00:09:23 US, the Justice Department are waiting to meet him at Delus Airport. We're about to win the war on drugs. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And the TV news is there. There's arrested drugs. We're drinking a bit. They're about to arrest general drugs. And this TV news reporter is there. She's filming a bunch of like board justice department guys. And the TV news broadcast is interrupted by a savage karate chop through the frame and we see a man doing naked oiled calisthenics in a hotel room like he's fucking clinging on it rules This is guy. I love to see first of many guys. We love to see William Sadler playing

Starting point is 00:10:04 Colonel Stuart. Stuart. Colonel Oliver North, because he is Oliver North. People keep saying to him, hey, aren't you the guy who got shit canned by Congress for all that shit you did? He's, he's all on the North. He is recognizable to the public, which is going to be a problem for him later. He's watching the news where where General Ramones Paranza is being sort of like led onto the plane that's going to take

Starting point is 00:10:29 him to the US. And he's doing like Carter. He's doing the moves. He's doing like, he's doing fully nude vinyasers and shit like I slammed the VHS tape into the player. I'm doing the moves along with the main character, General Ramones Paranza, I'm doing the moves along with the main character general Ramona Sparanzo. I'm going to the heart. Did I have you spot new? Who the actor is plays general Ramona Sparanzo? Oh, that's Franco Nera. Yes, it is. It's the original Django. Who was in Django with me. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:10:57 I've been in the same show as this guy. That's fucking crazy. This is Kevin Bacon connection to it. But he had a cameo in the new Django which I was in so yeah Colonel Stewart he does like turning off the TV really fast Carter and then like over over the shoulder with the remote like He does the gets get out of the room and

Starting point is 00:11:22 Simultaneously his boys are all checking out with him in pretty sick winter where Robert Patrick guy I love to see Patrick yeah I didn't clock him until later but I'm yeah so pumped when I see Robert Patrick Terminator the terminator is there terminator right hundred is there and I just wrote down I mean me and the boys from trash future living an an Ibus budget hotel to do a live show in Warrington to 50 people because they're moving into the situation. It's like very choreographed.

Starting point is 00:11:50 They're okay, Christmas presents. Yeah, that's quite fun too, which we summarise that probably not really Christmas presents. It's very Christmas. Merry Christmas. And as they walk into the airport, I guess Robbie, for you, room. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:04 Sattler bumps into John for climbing the airport. John McCain's like, Hey, do I know you? And he's just like, yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, they're like, I've been on TV. And McLean goes, yeah, me too. He also then runs in this secret mission immediately into the TV camera crew. Yeah. Who are like, yo, that's fucking annoying. No, wait a minute. No, I love the TV news reporter in this because she has such undiagnosed ADHD because she's trying to stay on one story

Starting point is 00:12:35 and the one story is general drugs is coming into town and she gets distracted because she keeps recognizing people. General drugs is coming. Too down. She keeps fucking recognizing people. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sit down. She keeps fucking recognizing people. And she keeps going, yo, that's fucking all-in-orth and going to like get a statement from him about nothing. Yo, that's John McLean.

Starting point is 00:12:56 It goes to get a statement from him about nothing. Neither of them want to talk to her. Just filming everything and then coming together in the edit. Yeah, yeah, that's how news works. I think we just film everything. There's a story eventually, I think. Yeah, it's like the TikTok Procicle.

Starting point is 00:13:11 Meanwhile, across town. TikTok Protocol is my least favorite Robert Luddlin' novel. There's this old church, it's been de-sanctified and it's been turning it into a daycare. But while it's there, they have one guy who's watching the shop. Right? Yes, raising hand. I'm just interested.

Starting point is 00:13:34 This is the total aside. I just raised my hand to ask a question and listen. How do you de-sanctify a church? You take the primary relic out the author. Do you have to send a special guy to do that? Is that because you have to send a special guy to sanctify a church? You would generally use a priest for this, yes. I only know from the Catholic, but that's what you do is you take the relic out the auto

Starting point is 00:13:55 and you unplug the thing from God's USB port. What is this relic in the auto? Yeah, the should be. Yeah, you got to pop it up. It should be a primary relic in the auto. Yeah, to power it up. Yeah. It's just poked into the fucking...

Starting point is 00:14:08 What is it? Like anything, really? I think it, yeah. What else? What do you want? Yeah, you know. I was a really good boss. Ooh, and all the stained glass windows turned black and white.

Starting point is 00:14:18 All the stained glass goes unstained. Ah, yeah, I think it was that's way funnier than what I was going for. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER All right, so the priest is all right. I think that's way funnier than what I was going for. So the priest is back into water. He's like, oh, the gold like turns bronze. Just like, your power's down. The priest has already been in. He has already unplugged the primary relic USB drive.

Starting point is 00:14:39 I use that. He's talking. He's talking to you. Yes, he is. He's de-consecrated the fucking church, right? That's what I'm going for. The consecration or non-deconsecration of this building is not a key part of what's such a trusty system.

Starting point is 00:14:56 I'm just... I've just never come face to face with the prospect of having to desanctify something. And I want to know. I think I've about it, basically. I think they all these just states sanctified and you're in a fish restaurant and it's holy. I also, the thing is I said,

Starting point is 00:15:12 sanctified and more properly what I should have said, it's consecrated and I only picked that up just now. No, that's when you fuck. That's consummated. It's consummated. Yeah, we consecrated our marriage. We consummated that church. They sent the guy to fuck that church.

Starting point is 00:15:27 You gotta do it on the altar, man. All right, the guy is fucked in the church and made it not holy anymore. All right, now there's this old guy there. And this old guy answers the door to two like power departments. They send the guys. They send the guys to fuck to unhownify it. Anyway, they send some guys to come and check on the church.

Starting point is 00:15:47 Yeah, they're blinely two goons in disguise as maintenance, man. Two goons, and this guy, he lets them in, and he sets them up for the fucking line, because he goes, yeah, you know, it's not been the same, since they had that gay couple fuck on the altar. And I've been here all my life, and you know, when I die, it's almost like part of me is gonna get shot with a gun too And the guy goes that's crazy

Starting point is 00:16:10 That's insane that you would say that actually Wow, I am not shooting you with a gun I just have this gun here I wasn't even gonna do it but you sent me up so good Yeah, you know what, then you convinced me fair enough So they shoot the guy which I guess deconsecrates the church a bit more. It's like sort of like negative church at this point. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:31 The crime scene actually, the opposite of a church in many ways. So they take over the thing and they're like hooked into a radio and we see, Asma Claim, who's wearing a fantastic like knit sweater. I wrote a lot about the sweater. There's so much good winter wear in this. It's almost like three days of the condor level winter wear. But he's watching these three sinister looking guys in the airport bar and they're all talking on radios.

Starting point is 00:16:58 And we have here my favorite and my ideal role in this conspiracy, which is the guy whose only job is listen to the weather forecast You've gotten how to how to that guy get the job. You need a meteorological guy He says there's a there's a storm moving in over the airport and they're like ah, ha good And actually we find out later that this is very lucky because a great deal of that plan relies on that being a storm Which is really yeah really for Joseph John smokes his cigarette in the airport And actually, we find out later that this is very lucky because a great deal of that plan relies on that being a storm. Just really, yeah, really fortuitous. John smokes his cigarette in the airport. Yeah, as they get up, John smoking.

Starting point is 00:17:33 He says, see it, say it, sorted. Yeah, he does. He texts British transfer police on 61016. And he goes up to the bus. He's gonna get to text Mark S say, so it just gets stupid. If you text a British person, so you also got text back, they're just like grass.

Starting point is 00:17:50 Yeah. And that's situation. So he goes up to the bar where there's two airport cops. And one of the airport cops, he turns around, he's like, Officer, I just saw a guy with a glit, and the cop turns around and goes, very Christian.

Starting point is 00:18:06 Because they got one airport cop, same guy. And because this cop would not do corruption for him, John McLean facilitates a terrorist attack because he goes, oh yeah, this guy had a got a massive family of people. So I didn't see anything. It's crazy. It's suspicious. Whoa, it's two, it's like 1990. That's legal. Can you tell me whether or not you're already like corrupt police officers? That I could discuss this with me.

Starting point is 00:18:33 Yeah. So he follows them or he follows one of them and he sees him like duck into a secure area. And this is, yeah, this is, this is part of John McLean's thing is that he's got a cop's badge from LA. And if he shows yeah, this is, this is part of John McLean's thing is that he's got a cop's badge from LA. And if he shows you it fast enough, you're not going to notice that it doesn't cover DC airports. He just runs up to people and goes, look, we are a cop, all right, let me, let me, yeah, it's a kind of, this is the power of the like, Janissary class of American cop. Is you just have a thing you can flash at people to make them do whatever you want?

Starting point is 00:19:04 Yeah, it's the wings. Yeah, it's cool. Fuck you, it's sick. He also, I gotta tell you, he's big dicking this. All right. He has an immense amount of confidence about this. This is his second rodeo. But he is fully going.

Starting point is 00:19:18 It's not my fucking first rodeo, is it boys? I mean, I know what I'm doing. If the number of rodeos is between two and infinity, it's not your first rodeo. So fully honest, he just like goes, get the cops, let me in here, get the cops. And then he walks, don't tell him anything. Don't tell him, just bring them.

Starting point is 00:19:36 Just get them. I am also a cut, I'm gonna go in first. He wants the glory. He genuinely is just like, he doesn't wait. Like yeah, no, no. This is the smartest thing to do in all of these situations is to, if you're like in plane clothes, or be it sick roll next wetter, you just don't tell anyone that you're in there. You just don't tell them what you look like or who you are, you go in first

Starting point is 00:19:58 and you're in armed. Yeah. And that's what he does. And later, he is a dick to the cops who mistake him for a terrorist, which I feel like you could have avoided this one pretty easily. Yeah. So he's these two of the guys plotting that they're installing some kind of a device. Yes.

Starting point is 00:20:18 And he confronts them in the airport bagager room, which is like venting steam and shit like that. Yeah, what is this room? Yeah. It's like contraption. It's like contraption. There is no other word than contraption you can use it. And he goes, hey, you guys are obviously doing

Starting point is 00:20:35 some die hard shit. I'm die hard. Yeah, now we're getting this gunfight. This is my base and that's what he found. It's time for gunfight now. And they're like, it is, yeah. It's time for gunfight now. And I like it is, yeah. It is. It's time for gunfight now.

Starting point is 00:20:47 They have a fight. It's quite cool fight. It's good. All well films. Dihar is always very competitive, don't you? I have some thoughts about this because I feel as if in this gunfight and they're not for the rest of the movie, what I like to refer to as the home alone quotient, the kind of zaniness of the action movie increases. Oh yeah, quite odd.

Starting point is 00:21:06 There's, you know, he like sprays hairspray on all the guys face. It cuts. It cuts. It ramps up that like, he drops his gun on the conveyor belt and then that happens to be a thing full of golf clubs going past. So he like hits the guy with a golf club. And like he's fucking, you know, pedropaths go. Right.

Starting point is 00:21:22 Just like, he's in with that golf club. But then he like hairsprays him and then he like feeds a guy into the contraption, which really kind of fucks the tone here. He, he kills that guy. Why is that like a crusher? And they have, so if you've ever been to the airport, you know that they have the machine that crushes your bag. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:41 The machine that destroys your bag, he throws a guy in that. It's brutal. They, they actually do that if bag, he throws a guy in there. It's brutal. They they actually do that if you, you know, if you're rude to anyone, they just divert it onto the conveyor belt that crushes your bag. Or if they just do it for one tenth of all people, just for fun as well. Yeah, if they see a guitar-shaped bag that goes straight to the crush. Any wheelchairs? Crusher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything that looks like I went with the fragile sticker. It's what I would do if I was working there to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything that looks like I went on the fragile sticker. It's what I would do if I was working there to be honest with you.

Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes through the Crusher. I like shot putting every bag. Yeah, and the guy gets baggaged. He gets baggaged. He gets crushed to death. And McLean has now killed again. The second rodeo is firmly in progress.

Starting point is 00:22:21 And the second guy, the second guy escapes just as the airport police show up and arrest McLean. Yes. Now, at this point, the guy who escaped runs to the church, and he goes to see Colonel Stewart. At Colonel Stewart, it's like this is an organization that somewhat tolerates fate. We got a one strike, but he because. Are we Christians? Normally I wouldn't tolerate failure, but so he pulls out the the the the glock and he like fires it at the guy's face, but he's for some reason he's is really carrying he's carrying it on like an empty chamber,

Starting point is 00:22:56 and it doesn't fire. He's just go. Miss Nomer I think. Yeah, tell me about it. No, it's a thing the the IDF do this thing, they don't carry a pistol with the chamber filled Do you have to rack the slides of it? It's not important. Anyway, the point is that's a weird thing for him to be doing by the way That's another like cinema sense ding

Starting point is 00:23:14 Thank you, but the thing is he goes that was a warning Where it not Christmas. I would have shot you dead in my cool command center that I've set up and be sanctified this church even further He's like well listen Did you do the thing you went there to do and he's like yes, but we lost one guy and he's like fuck it That's that's fine that counts. They lost the weather guy That's a shame we're gonna have to employ someone who can look outside He's gonna be replaced by a fucking window. You replaced this guy with a fucking cockerel on the roof, man.

Starting point is 00:23:51 Yeah. So, so McLean gets arrested and he goes to see the not just yet. First, we come back to Holly's plane. Oh, yeah. We've got to remember that she's in this fucking movie. I only wrote down the stuff that interests me and it's a short fucking list. Yeah. So we go back to Holly's plane,

Starting point is 00:24:07 and there's another character from the first film. Guy, I love to see whose name I don't know, but he played Walter Peck and Ghostbusters. He's a reporter. He was a reporter in the first one who was a dick to Holly and then Holly punched him on television at the end of the first. Yeah, she called Cockton. Yeah, she cleaned his cock.

Starting point is 00:24:23 And he recognized us. I almost said that Colonel Stewart called Glock the guy. Yeah, she called Cockton. Yeah, she cleaned his cock off. And he recognized as the guy. I almost said that Colonel Stewart called Glock the guy. She racked his slide. But like he's being addicted to the stewardesses and like he recognizes Molly, he has a restraining order against her for assaulting him on TV. What do you say he's being addicted to the stewardesses? One of the notes that he has done a program called Bimbo's of the Sky. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:43 Which in the Aces you could do Yeah. Yeah. He's a hack. In the 80s, you could do this. Yeah. He's a total hack. And one of the pseudo-dests says like, to a Hollywood, what did you do to this guy that he's so rattle? And she's like, I punched him on TV and she goes, he wants to champion. That's quite funny.

Starting point is 00:24:58 No, it is. It is nice. Yeah. Then John goes to see Decaptan. Decaptan Lorenzo. Decaptan Lorenzo. This is the best scene in the movie, actually. Yeah. So this is a guy I love to see DeCaptain. DeCaptain, so. This is the best scene in the movie, actually. Yeah, so this is a guy I love to see. This is Dennis France.

Starting point is 00:25:10 Detective Sippowicz from NYPD Blue, which I show which my mum really liked back in the day. And so therefore I got through like Osmosis. It's, he's the captain slash chief, they're never quite sure of the airport cops. And this guy is like, fuck you John McLean, I don't wanna be in a diehard movie. This is a guy who wants to be in a diehard movie

Starting point is 00:25:33 less than anyone. He's like, listen, I'm in charge of the fucking airport. It is Christmas, shut the fuck up, get out now. I have so much on my plate. Yeah, I'm not dealing with this. I don't wanna do this. Don't say, why haven't you shut the area down and like just for prints and stuff,

Starting point is 00:25:47 these days? It's like suck my car. Because it's the fucking baggage room of a major airport on Christmas Eve. I'm not shutting it down. Yeah, yeah, we have to run that crush a crush of a bunch of kids Christmas presents. This is the thing, right?

Starting point is 00:26:01 You're not supposed to. We got drugs coming in on a plane in like 45 minutes. Yeah, I can count on general drugs. This is the other thing, right? You're not supposed to- The dogs coming in on a plane in like 45 minutes! Yeah, I can count on general drugs. This is the other thing, right? You're not supposed to like or feel sympathetic to this character yet. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:13 And I instinctively do both because I love cops and I love bureaucrats and I hate John McClain. I'm just going to really clean drop of you saying that you love cops. I just love Italian Americans. I support police uncricically. Yeah, no, I'm not saying. John McClain shows up with his LAPD badge and

Starting point is 00:26:34 and DemesFans quite correctly says, well who the fuck are you? Why did you? You killed a guy. Yeah. First of all, which I'm not going to like, I'm too busy to like do anything about, but you have kind of killed a guy. Taking a life on Christmas Eve, that's kind of double. Murder's count double on Christmas.

Starting point is 00:26:50 This place isn't even a church anymore. He's sanctified this whole airport. That is Clay Marrier isn't a long-groom church. It's ridiculous. Take you the primary relic out of the bag of trash. That's how a Russian runs out of Clay Marrier. Yeah, he got a bit like fingersome now. So you say, agatha like squishing your bag of time.

Starting point is 00:27:09 Yeah. But he's probably just some kid stealing luggage. And John says, well, it's not because he's got a, he's got a plasticine gun or something. Oh, I, I have the fucking, give me like, give me like 12 of those and quick succession like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Because John goes, oh this guy I shot, he wasn't just a thug stealing baggage, I think which I guess regularly happens. I punk pulled a Glock 7 on him, you know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany.

Starting point is 00:27:37 Doesn't show up on your airport X-ray machines. I need, I need roast shmits to make me a porcelain gun and I'm livin up the fucking great British pottery throwdowns So Megan a fucking gun This time on gun week So this is the thing this movie comes at an interesting Con in the kiln An interesting moment you put in the kill. An interesting moment, you put in the kill and kill.

Starting point is 00:28:05 This time, it's a kill. This movie comes in an interesting moment in an American fire arms history. In the same way that Die Hard wandered, right? Well, you had this sort of like moving away from the revolver, which some of the airport cops still carry, and into something called the one-to-nine, right? The semi-automatic nine-millimeter pistol.

Starting point is 00:28:22 Bruce Willis carries a beretta in both both of these and it really did barretta a world of good because it's like it's the action movie gun. It was in all the action movies. But at the same time, the same story again, that phone. The barretta era, so I know, I know. She was considerably better off as an era because of the diehard movies. And around this same time, you also had Glocks coming. This is like a Gen 1 Gen 2, glock 17. And it's another one of these like semi-automatic 9 millimeter pistols. And it was so much better than everything that had been sort of like before it in terms of revolvers.

Starting point is 00:28:57 And it was also made in part out of polymer, right? Which made it lighter. It was in some ways actually stronger. And people were like, whoa, this is the way of the future, right? And people heard polymer and they thought, that's a plastic. That means that they're making the whole gun out of plastic. And therefore, you can just walk this thing through a metal detector or an x-ray detector.

Starting point is 00:29:20 And that's never been true because it's still radio opaque and you still have to make bits of it out of metal. And the ammunition is still metal, but it doesn't matter, right? The myth kind of gets traction. And the movie kind of changes things up and fictionalizes a bit. So it makes the Glock 7, which doesn't exist, made in Germany, Glock's made in Austria. And it's made out of porcelain, which would be a terrible thing to make a gun out of. And this perpetuated this like myth to the point that Congress had to ask the ATF,

Starting point is 00:29:55 is this a real thing? Should we be banning the Rochemitz porcelain Glock? No. I don't think you can call it that. Yeah, yeah, sorry. And for the first time in the ACF history, they had to be like, no, this is stupid. This doesn't exist. It cannot exist. But it doesn't matter. This is part of the kind of cultural conversation in America

Starting point is 00:30:17 about firearms and about handguns, specifically, and about what they are and what they do and what they're doing. Fascinating. Interesting. Where it's like, yeah, we're on this cusp of the future where not only can you like get a phone call on a plane, but you can like, you know, walk a nine millimeter pistol through airport security. Who knows what's possible?

Starting point is 00:30:36 Anything, 9-11 possibly. Facts. Facts are gone to a plane. Crazy. It's not the worst thing one of these movies we've ever covered has like sparked in the American psyche, for instance. Oh, sure. plane crazy. It's not the worst thing one of these movies we've ever covered has sparked in the American psyche. For instance, the rock made us invade Afghanistan. What if the director feels bad? Ask if that's fucking real in Congress.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Yeah, yeah. I do want to divert now to talk about 9-11 as is traditionally called podcast. Oh my god. All right. So I did a bit of research into this, this director of this movie, I called Rennie Harlan. And because he did a couple of action movies and because he happens to be from Finland, this makes him commercially the most successful Finnish filmmaker of all time. Great.

Starting point is 00:31:24 He can't just make he found dead in Tampa. It's like, I've, yeah, no, but the most successful money, and that's it. Yes, yeah, yeah. But the problem is, I found on Wikipedia, on his Wikipedia, this paragraph, in 1999, Harlan began developing the action comedy Nozbleed,

Starting point is 00:31:43 starring Jackie Chan as a window washer who foils a terrorist attack to destroy the world trade center. Oh dear. After the September 11th attacks, the plot was drastically rewritten before being completely shelved. Chan later told Oriental Daily News that the film was scheduled to begin filming at the North Tower less than two hours before it was hit by American Airlines flight 11. Oh my god, Jackie! Wow! filming at the North Tower less than two hours before it was hit by American Airlines flight 11.

Starting point is 00:32:05 Oh my God, Jackie! Wow! And he only escaped the attack because he made a last minute decision to travel to Toronto to begin filming the Tuxedo instead. Well, there are things worse than dying in 9-11. Yeah, it could have been in the Tuxedo. I think the Tuxedo saved Jackie Chan from dying in 9-11, but the other thing is, he got a photo call at a time.

Starting point is 00:32:27 Imagine how bad 9.11 would have how much worse 9.11 would have been for the action movie psyche. Had it taken out, thank you, had it taken out not only Wesley Snipe's apartment, but also Jackie Chan. No, it's a damn it. It's like Jackie Chan calling Wesley Snipe's as asking if he can crash in his apartment on 9-11. Gosh! I mean, the thing is, right, the...

Starting point is 00:32:52 Right, the... The inconspiracy is like, they've to get Jackie Chan. They were trying to get Jackie. I wonder how that would have changed the history of the Iraq war. If Jackie Chan died in 9-11, the history could have looked into the ultimate universe where that happened. I mean, this is the thing though. How much of a loss would it be for cinema? What does Jackie Chan dance in 2001?

Starting point is 00:33:09 This is why I said in the group chat, I'm like, well, has he made a good movie since 2001? The top sea hero? It's like rocked in rush hour three. There are others. But there is another sentence to this, which is? He's already made Rumble in the Bronx with a few words. Chan's claim has been criticized as improbable, since the production was delayed,

Starting point is 00:33:27 and he was contracted for the production of the Tuxedo and Toronto months before. So Jackie Chan lied about like almost dying in 9-11, which is even more. Even more. What? Why would you lie about that? They are so good at double checking.

Starting point is 00:33:44 When it comes to 9-11. you're Jackie. Imagine you're Jackie Chan And you feel that you need to lie to people to make them think you're cool. We already think you're cool. You're Jackie Chan Jackie Chan stolen 9-11. Valor, you know, it's I think Jackie Chan Jackie Chan felt that he had to be at 9-11 because that was the largest number of pains of glass that got broken once. And you know, they beat his record from police story to he's really upset about it. So he goes, listen, somebody's, somebody's fucking with you clearly, right, they're going to try and break general drugs out of airport because this, oh yeah, of course, I, I, the porcelain block from Germany. Yeah. And we see general drugs. Ah, sorry. I want to zoom out. I want

Starting point is 00:34:33 to zoom out too. And at this point, the captain chief throws him out, right? And on his way out, John has this line, he says, does the metal detector detect the lead in your ass or the shit in your brains? Weakline. Since a porcelain brain, it doesn't show up on airport metal. The detector doesn't detect shit, but also what's really funny. He's saying instead of following John out the door, we then cut back to the captain

Starting point is 00:35:00 who has this like really baffled reaction like, what? He's like trying toaffled reaction like what? He's like trying to understand this line like what? I like the shit line. I really love this so much. I believe that they let him ad lib this one. I can't prove that but they let him ad lib a bunch more of his lines in this one and that to me. Smack's like guy who thought that was a cool thing to say, the airport detector that detects shit. Why would you need that? Yeah, you're through that after the metal and then the gold rock and then the shit detector.

Starting point is 00:35:33 It's very strange to set up a nut and airport. What you want to get through, like an airport with no fuss is obviously like no metal shoes off, dick tugged, boughs purged, asged as white was 9-11 like in the universe where they have the shit detector What kind of 9-11 did they do? Oh, I have to do a fucking anime before I get on the plane They go in from underneath I got well, well all things, I mean, you did a video about this. All of the things in an airport are directly responses to like specific terror attacks, like the shoe thing is a one guy. So I guess in this universe, someone just tried to blow up the play.

Starting point is 00:36:14 The underpants bomb has succeeded. No, I'm sorry, that was me actually. I was trying to go into a toilet and I said, I'm going to blow this thing up and it all got out of control, everyone's. Yeah, I'm gonna blow this thing up and it all got out of control, everyone's together. No, no, no. Someone tried to assassinate the head of Afghanistan's intelligence agency by, like, with a bomb, like, a set of, like, plastic up the asshole. And it doesn't work because you as a person

Starting point is 00:36:38 are too good at cushioning explosive. So, like, what happened was, like, this guy out. Yeah, the guy went into the meeting, what happened was, like, this guy out. Yeah, the guy, the guy went into the meeting, shook hands with the guy and the other guy exploded and like shattered him, like, you know, shower him with like blood and shit. And he was like, he didn't die. He was just like, he was just holding a hand, smoking was Yeah, I think about this so often because I want to know for how long afterwards did that man think he was a wizard? Yeah, definitely.

Starting point is 00:37:13 So, me, do I do that? Just not shaking hands with anyone just thinking. I must say in a couple of days whilst they investigated, right? You're like, looking at your secret service guys they're looking at you you're like I- That's- listen I noticed a sort of a not a contested cast group of that it's the funniest suicide bombing is to explode yourself and no one else. Just a detective detective to take the shit in your brains. Although it's supposed to be in your ass. Oh, yeah, again, you're fucked.

Starting point is 00:37:48 John McLean was getting yelled at for like five uninterrupted minutes in this scene and he had so long to think of a line and that's what he goes with. It's chitting your brains, and then he turns away from him and mudders under his breath, fat ass. And it's just like, thisek, this is, this is nothing, mate. Absolutely nothing. So now we go to general drugs. Yeah, this guy, this is so, my man is getting transported like a villain from Bucky.

Starting point is 00:38:15 Like, he's just fucking like, got him on cold. Yeah, they do. Yeah, the back of this plate. And yeah, he's being, it's like a, I guess, Val Verde and military transport. He's got a Castro beard to make him more sinister as well. And it's a guard. And it's a guard.

Starting point is 00:38:34 Yeah, he has the like, he troop guarding him lighten his cigar. He's like, I love dealing drugs to the United States of America. Mm-hmm. They hated me because they hate me dealing drugs. Yeah, so they're setting up the like base in the D D sanctified church and I just want to note at this time, I want my podcasting studio to have this like aesthetic because they got a bunch of computers that are like rugged eyes, they are flashing lights, big chunky buttons and shit.

Starting point is 00:39:06 Got a big transparent board with the thing is they stick on it, I'm not entirely sure what that's about, but it's cool. I should start taking notes on one of those instead of like this fucking notebook. I mean, the thing is, I think we should get a podcasting dungeon and it needs to be as much like a Bond villain layer as possible. And I think this really hits that vibe. So this point, John Bullshits, the coroners who had taken out the guy who got killed

Starting point is 00:39:28 in the luggage killing machine, and he gets his fingerprints. And then he calls our power, Sergeant Power from the first movie he's back in our life. And they've really got over shooting that kid. Like he's still also in this movie. Back in the saddle. Yeah, he reclaimed his masculinity

Starting point is 00:39:44 in the first one through murdering. Yeah. And then he faxes him the fingerprints and is like, yo, I'm using a woke gay fax machine. Can you, can you run these prints? And then Al says, are you pissing on someone's pool? And he says, yeah, and I'm fresh out of chlorine. And I'm like, he's, what, you kissing me in the building is so strange. He's kissing in the pool of a man with shit in his, uh, his spray is.

Starting point is 00:40:12 You have on the head during die-hug. Many times. The other thing is the, so the woman who's faxed machine this is, she's trying to get it. She's trying to get the, the McLean, right? And he hits it with the worst pun in the fucking movie. She's like, hey, do you want to come back to my house and fuck me? Stuff my stalking? Yeah, I just... Merry Christmas. And he sort of like moves his wedding ring at her and goes just the facts, man. You know what's perfect? I really landed a perfect Hans Gruber intonation of that.

Starting point is 00:40:51 That was really good, yeah. What, once you get mad enough, at John McClain, you turn into Alan Rickman. Like, it happens to you. Also, I'm quite impressed. This woman is so committed to hook up culture that she's trying to hook up on Christmas Eve. Fuck yeah, yeah, I don't go.

Starting point is 00:41:06 Which doesn't celebrate Christmas. Anyway, so Al is like, yo, this guy you killed. You're gonna come over to my place and eat Chinese food. I'm like, yeah. This guy has been dead for two years. He's black ops. You know, he died two years ago in a helicopter crash troop. In Nicaragua, where he was an advisor.

Starting point is 00:41:24 So, we're onto something here. We're on to the dirty wall. We're on to like the Contras. It's clear and present danger time baby. Well this is it's kind of clear and present danger and reverse and we'll kind of develop this theme a bit. This this movie is it's a little bit somewhere else. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good future danger. But yeah, this movie is it's a little bit left. Love it liberal. We'll talk about this So John goes to the control tower How the fuck does he get up there? It first of all in the

Starting point is 00:41:55 Afford to sin cinema sins ding they're usually not like adjacent to the terminal cinema sins ding they usually have a lock on the door. And I guess he just goes, I am a cop, you know, he uses his like cop can trip and like gets through the door. It's really easy. But in there is the chief and also the boss of the airport. I, we love to see. I love to see. This, this business will get out of control. It will get out of control. We will be lucky to live through it. It's Fred Thompson.

Starting point is 00:42:22 As, as a guy called Trudeau, which is very funny. Yes, very funny. There's a line I don't have where somebody goes, but Mr. Trudeau, the press, and I'm like, yeah, don't know. So, he's the... He's in there, blacking up. It's only one for either deal with this. And I'm...

Starting point is 00:42:39 And John Gazette, and he's like, yo, you've got ex-special forces dudes running around your fucking baggage department. And just as he's telling him this, the lads have set up their parallel air traffic control room in the church and they shut down everything. All the computer system. It's the cinema sins, dinges at once. A cinema sins ding that's like the THX logo. It like, you can't do this, brother.

Starting point is 00:43:06 You can't, like the obvious reason. You could, like, you could do 9-11, this is a pre-9-11 movie. 11 years after this movie came out, people who had no more advanced plan than the old lady that Holly is sitting next to, like, changed the way airports work forever. You didn't need to do all this shit.

Starting point is 00:43:26 Anyway. Well, I do, because they're like being tactical and shit, right? I like being tactical. I've never replicated an air traffic control system. Again, I don't think the lady next to Holly was planning to crash the plane into a tower. Oh, well, I mean.

Starting point is 00:43:40 So at this point, they're like, well, we don't tell anybody that everything's fucked and turned off. We'll avoid a panic. We've got about two hours to fix this before planes start dropping out of the fucking sky of no fuel, right? Yeah, they turn off all the lights. Yeah, they like runways and shit So I can't see yeah, they block them from communicating with anything and at this point the kernel calls in and he's like, yo I'm William Sadler. I was in the short-term redemption General, you make a recognize me from TV.

Starting point is 00:44:05 General drugs is going to land later on, and don't interfere. And I also, I want a 747 field and ready to go. Don't try and fuck with me or you will be penalized. Yes, yeah. I should also say at this point, I read an article, and this is just going to substitute for about 50 cinema sins things. An article that's like, we talked to three air traffic controllers about whether or not the shit that happens in diehard too was plausible and the answer is, no. That's

Starting point is 00:44:33 it. That's all you need to know. It's just, it's stupid. And that's fine. I'm glad this can't happen. Yeah, it's very difficult to like pull from the rest of the movie anything to say other than, this can't, this can't happen, that's not true. But I'll do my best. What sometimes you can watch a movie and be like, I know this isn't real, but I'm enjoying it. Yeah, but I wasn't enjoying it. Oh, okay, well that's going to be the main problem I'd say. Yeah, and what I had left to fall back on was the realness of it, and this is not, you know. I watched this film with no one, And at this point, the person who wasn't there turned to me on the couch and said, I was dropped, that's related.

Starting point is 00:45:11 No, but the person who wasn't there said, why don't they just like get all the vehicles and turn their lights on and put them on the runway and then you've got improvised runway lights? Wouldn't that, would that have been a good thing to do? Why don't the, why don't the, why don't the, why thing to do? Why don't the... Well, because if they tried to do that, the terrorists would crash one with the planes. How would the terrorists know they were doing that? Also, how would they crash the plane if the plane knows where it land? Well, because it's...

Starting point is 00:45:35 Because... Oh! First thing I've seen, ding you, it's kind of... Shit. Fuck you, shit. Fuck you, right? So, so, so, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the I guess, the storm. They can't divert to any other airport, despite the fact that there's like 50 fucking airports on this bit of the East Coast alone. And therefore, they have two hours to resolve the situation by giving this guy

Starting point is 00:46:15 everything he wants, and then he's gonna turn all their shit back on, and then they can land the planes. It's Christmas Eve. We're a major airport on Christmas Eve. Just give this guy a thing he wants, fuck it. Just whatever. It's good screenwriting, like, good sex, taking clock. They forget this taking clock.

Starting point is 00:46:32 Holly McClain is in danger, but not in a way that means that she gets to do anything in the movie. No, mostly she just gets to like sit in a plane and they cut back to that plane. So they keep cutting back to her. Just, and then she just like owns the guy. She just like says a line to him or something and it cuts away again.

Starting point is 00:46:49 And they're only putting that in so that you remember she's a character in the movie. A hundred. It's fucking. Yeah. We go through all of these like pilots. Cole Meeney is there. Yo!

Starting point is 00:47:02 The fucking, hello. Boy, it's fucking Miles O'Brien. It is fucking transporter chief is flying the British Airways flight I make it they give him an English accent. It's fucking terrible It does best but like they shouldn't have done that to them God damn hot assions are fucking to the airport Chief they make Irish people fly for British Airways. They do do that Maybe now, but in 1990, yeah, yeah, perhaps,

Starting point is 00:47:28 so 90, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the chief engineer, Barnes, is like, I could, that it's all cyber attack shit with the like, we have to, we have to explain what this is to the viewer and we're making it up as we go along.

Starting point is 00:47:43 So what they're doing is they're fucking our pussy's and we can unfuck our pussy by going to like this under construction bit of the airport and using a VHF antenna there. Yeah, we'll transmit on the transmitter that hasn't, we haven't finished building it yet, which they don't know about. And that's how we'll talk to planes and tell them,

Starting point is 00:48:04 oh, because the planes don't know this terrorism, the codacians are fucking up her sees, right? They're just like, oh, just told them. Yeah, they're just like, we're just in like a holding pattern. Like, this is the thing, the kernel goes, right, you've got like two minutes to get everybody into a holding pattern and you still have like voice communications. And then if you disobey us, we'll crash the planes. And they, that works on the honor system.

Starting point is 00:48:25 They don't use that time to go, hey, divert to another airport, because this ones have an cyber pussy fuck. They go, yeah, there's like an unknown human factor, it was stay on the line. Yeah. Ha. Yeah, odd that.

Starting point is 00:48:41 None of this shit makes any fucking sense. They've done that. If they had gone just divert to another airport, what was the colonel gonna do? Crash a plane that isn't there? There is a hand wave line where he says we've already diverted everyone who can be diverted. Oh, shit. Doesn't work as a kid.

Starting point is 00:48:59 Land in a field. Do anything. What are you talking about? Do 9-11, I don't know. So at this point, to go get the guy to the VHF antenna, the captain, the chief of airport police, it's like, all right, fine. I'll put my best guys on it. We got a SWAT team.

Starting point is 00:49:16 And this SWAT team. And SWAT. Airport SWAT. Airport SWAT have vintage 90s SWAT fits with the like ball caps and the like M16s with triangular hand guards. It's fucking aesthetic as fuck. It's peak stuff. And they go there and McLean is kicked out of the control tower.

Starting point is 00:49:31 Just in time to realize that they're walking into a trap, obviously, because... The he's sneak backstage with the help of a janitor named Marvin who isn't funny. Marvin. No. It's not. Strange fucking character is Marvin. You're sort of like a Mad Max like gyrocopter pilot type guy, but he works at the airport. True. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:49:55 The airport to do employee weird guys, but yeah, so he goes through the airport tunnels. Yes, I guess, but our entire interaction with him is indeed the airport tunnels. Yeah. You're sort of the airport dungeons. Fight fights is way through some slimes. The sewer level under the airport. He's like killing mole rats and shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:15 And he gets up to the thing just in time to see the SWAT team walk into an ambush led by our boy, fucking Patrick. That's a line off too, because the disguised as painters in the SWAT team are like, Hey, what are you doing here? And then the head of the SWAT team goes, what do I look like?

Starting point is 00:50:34 And from the Patrick goes, sitting duck. Yeah, generally, what you want to do as an ambush is take us along about it as possible. There's a bit where they push the button on the, I'm travelator thing, the horizontal escalator, and everybody stumbles. And what they don't do in that moment is, like, anything, they just wait and then go, I gotta get my sick line off.

Starting point is 00:50:56 The thing about an ambush is you wanna wait until they've already basically figured out that you're not, who you say are before you launch it. You don't wanna get them when they're not paying attention. You want to let that shit hit like orange on the noticing chart and then go, Jeff Cooper's noticing charts. Yeah, like above their heads.

Starting point is 00:51:15 You know, it's going to be a learning. Yeah, yeah. There's no clear kill zone on this and all the guys doing the ambushing are at one end of a travel agent. It's like, no, you put them by the sides on one side and they fire down once they're. L shaped. L shaped. They're all on the kill zone. Like, come on.

Starting point is 00:51:27 But so, you know, you're in Patrick. I'm wishing anybody like, what color is the fucking boat house? That's the first thing that the fuck up. Robert Patrick ambushes them with a cup of coffee. He, he like, compromises the SWAT team to a permanent end. Uh, uh, Barnes gets like, kind of shot and then they forget he gets shot for the rest of the movie. Yes. And Bruce Willis has to enter the situation by yet another vent as he says

Starting point is 00:51:50 It like hang a lampshade on the thing She ain't got a stubble at this guy. I just I have another another related drop. You think you're funny You think you're funny. Bye He he kills of Patrick. Oh, yeah. Lame. Rob of Patrick leaves the movie. There is a bit where it does a guy with an MP5K

Starting point is 00:52:15 on top of a scaffolding, because he's a painter, shooting across. And McLean shoots up at him. And he has the barretta that cannot penetrate wood. And it doesn't work. It has to knock the thing over. So it's... I would have liked to penetrate barretta with my wood. Errr...

Starting point is 00:52:32 Oh, Jesus. That guy falls and is crushed by a scaffold and instantly goes to Builders Valhalla, and it's presumably very confused. And he arrives at that? Painters Valhalla, surely. Yeah, painters and decorators Valhalla is adjacent to it. It's a very spattered Valhalla in general.

Starting point is 00:52:52 Everybody's wearing the like work pants that like spattered with all his white paint. The ragged trousers for anthropologists get fucking got. And then John and Barnes are alive. And Barnes is like, oh great, now I'll use the antenna. Which point the antenna blows up? Because the... Why did you do all of this if you were gonna blow up the fucking antenna anyway?

Starting point is 00:53:10 And it's about first. And John's like, well, it was bait. They now, you've wasted all your best guys. And it's like, well, they clearly went back. They were, they're good, clearly. They've killed the airport SWAT team. It's fucking over. They were the only guys who knew how to operate an airport.

Starting point is 00:53:26 Operating the kind of like, imperial stormtrooper provision where it's like, this is the ditch trooper, this is the airport trooper. He's only, he's like only works in airports, so that makes him like, you know, suited to the environment. He's got a really interesting unique outfit though, like it's cool.

Starting point is 00:53:41 I have an airport, I have an airport trooper figure. It's a great, it's been screenwriting, but it's like bad story because it's like, well, we need to establish that they're on their own. How do we do that? Oh, all the good guys have been killed. And it's like, oh, wow. But they've tried to do something, right?

Starting point is 00:53:57 Which, so, and that's nebulously against what Captain Stewart wants them to do. So it's time to teach them a fucking lesson. Oh yeah. So first of of all we go to the Extremely British plane Where is a 114? QDS is going we're just like British rail love. We may be late, but we get you there British fucking people Oh

Starting point is 00:54:20 Oh, what was the plane love? Yeah, I don't have no idea. First of all, Rich Railt does not get you there anymore. There is one other thing. No, one other thing before we get to this, which is this is something I noted in passing in the aftermath of the gunfight, the all-time funniest movie first aid, where one of the SWOT guys, right,

Starting point is 00:54:40 he's been shot twice in the chest and the medics hit him one time with a defibrillator and then drop his ass and leave GTA 3 level emergency parametres. It's incredible. I Like just over one couple of seconds of like hit the go of the thing Walk incredible So this point the colonel gets on the radio and is like, well, yo, you've disobeyed me. And at this point, the captain of the police calls John McClain over the radio. So the colonel knows who he is now. Yeah. Also, so the colonel then hijacks the broadcast and goes, uh, wins a one-one for. I'm going to need you to like, uh, 9-11,

Starting point is 00:55:20 the runway over except he does it in a Wharton Goggins like Like simple country lawyer voice. I don't have drops for it But like just just a vision in your head what that sounds like you know So he resets using gay computers. He resets sea level to be like minus 200 And then it's like he's like comedy chief of Brian try and land the craft and he he lands it and then John tries to warn them. Well, there's a moment where a Brian tells the passengers, a Brian tells the passengers will be landing soon and they clap and my notes say Brits would never clap. Brits would never clap on a plane. Shameful. Shameful. John tries to warn them by getting on the runway with like flaming sticks and but they hit the deck and they explode and 240 people die. Presumably,

Starting point is 00:56:03 flaming sticks, but they hit the deck and they explode. And 240 people die. Presumably, come mini beams out just a time. That's the pre-decent. That's the pre-decent, but... What was the population of Britain in 1990 and therefore how many 9-11 systems? I don't know, but we have improved it now by 240. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:19 So this is the other thing. Oh, one other thing I want to note, which is, at this point, John McLean gets the first to go out three sick jackets that he has in this movie. He has a like Apple engineering winter jacket and I go fuck that's cool. It's got like Delus engineering on the back like stentled on This is as important to me as British 9-11 This would be two British 9-11s. Thank you. Wow. John is sad because two British 9-11s just happened this would be two British 9-11s, thank you. Wow. John is sad because two British 9-11s just happened.

Starting point is 00:56:45 And he couldn't stop it. And we found out Molly's plane has 90 minutes of fuel left. So clock still taking it. Hey, the other thing, the other thing that bothers me about the plane crash here is it hits the ground. It explodes into like the exploding is to plane in the world, like three different times. But the point of the thing was that they didn't have any fuel on the plane.

Starting point is 00:57:06 That's where they had to land the plane because they didn't have the fuel. So if they didn't have any fuel, what what explode the whiskey in first class? Oh, that old lady's like angina medication. And I show aways that shit is strong. Yeah. So and they're all in fucking bottles above Yeah, so and they're all in fucking bottles above 125 mil and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could bring any amount of like fuel with you in your carry on back in the day So I guess a lot of people have just to bring petrol It goes up Yeah, I know the answer is because this is a die hard movie, but even so That's not even the most egregious instance of planes exploding in this movie.

Starting point is 00:57:47 No, it's not. No, it's not. So at this point, the counterterrorism squad arrived. Yeah, an army team called Blue Light, and they show up and they do some cool down to shit. And they are led by Major Grant. And Major Grant says, I taught Colonel Stewart everything he knows. How does that? I thought Colonel was bigger than Major.

Starting point is 00:58:09 Or I might overtake you. You got laughed, man. That's fucking embarrassing for you. But my note here was, yeah, was how does a major teacher kind of everything he knows? If you were a staff officer, do not write in. At this point, the person who I wasn't watching this film with, because I also raised this point, and she, nobody said, well, maybe, you know, maybe major grant is really good, and so they kept him in the combat role and didn't promote him out of it.

Starting point is 00:58:35 Mm-hmm. Anyway, he's like, let the pros handle this, John McLean, and John is excluded from the Big Boy Club at this point. Yeah, he has to like sneak in to the, like, over here, the Big Boy Club at this point. Yeah, he has to like sneak into the, like over here, the Big Boy Club talking through some more tunnels. I love tunnels. He loves the tunnels. He claims to hate them and yeah, he loves the tunnels.

Starting point is 00:58:54 The airport has so many tunnels in it. Barnes, the airport, second command, figures out how, he figures out a way to like transmit to the planes basically and he tells them everything that they should have just saw them earlier on. And we also see that Walter Peck has somehow like listening into the cockpit radio chatter, so he now knows the situation on the ground as well.

Starting point is 00:59:12 Yeah, because he just threw some bullshit. He has like live audio of this. And he's got a great sense for news. I gotta tell you. Yeah, yeah, he does his job well in this film and everyone hates him for it. I'm like, why? Yeah, he kinda doesn't do anything wrong in the movie, actually.

Starting point is 00:59:31 I kinda wanna highlight that. Yeah, he's addicted to the stewardess's, but like, he's just like, interpersonally mean to the people around him, but everything he does is so fine. Genuinely, yeah, like... It pays him later and it's like, what for? Anyway, so general drugs at this point wins the costume rosette.

Starting point is 00:59:47 Yeah, that's right. High jacks the plane in which he is flying. He like points a gun at the co-pilot and the co-pilot's like, listen, and he shoots him. And the other pilot's like, listen, you need me to fly the thing and he shoots that guy too. No, what does he do? What does he do? Oh, wow, to be honest, he shoots him both 100%, but the moment he put the gun against the pilot's head, I was just looking at the co-pilot

Starting point is 01:00:10 and trying to imagine what it would be like in that situation, just immediately and too loud being like, yeah, I'm gonna go and help fly the plane now, the job that he can't do alone, I'm just gonna do my vital job with helping fly the plane. No, don't worry about me. Yeah, I need to be here.

Starting point is 01:00:25 Immediately get shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, he shoots the copo and then the pilot says, what are you gonna do? Shoot me then who's gonna fly the plane? And General Joyce goes, don't worry about it. And kills him. He goes fly the plane.

Starting point is 01:00:38 He accidentally depressurizes his own plane as well. Because he shoots out the windshield. And so he has to land on a different, yeah, he has to land on a different runway than the one they planned for. Yeah, the more depressurization, friendly runway. Yeah, that's right. And then the general lands and he goes, ah, freedom. And John punches him again.

Starting point is 01:00:58 He goes, ah, not yet. No frequent wire mileage for you. Yeah, so it's a what? John McLeod is in. Just the frequent miles detect the shit in your miles or the lead in your balance is in constant danger of being hit by planes. Like he's one of the most about to be hit by a plane skies in the world. It's like three scenes at least until 2001.

Starting point is 01:01:20 He gets stuck under a great as the plane is like landing towards him. He goes up and sort of down. Yeah, he like rolls out of the It's yeah, but see he gets on board. He like welcomed earths the guy and cold cocks him and Then then the boys to like you know the Colonel's guys show up in a Land Rover's in a Range Rover with Land Rover. Land Rover. In a Range Rover with sick MP5Ks with like the magazines like Jungle Tape Together with Red Tape.

Starting point is 01:01:50 So you know, they're serious. And their job is to get general drugs out, right? Yes. They show up. They go, Hey, that's general drugs. Where is John McClain? Well, fuck is he. And as John McClain is in the cockpit, Jay Span, fucking

Starting point is 01:02:08 absolutely ruins his position here. He's got a great position. And then he fucks it for no reason. He's got general drugs. He does. He does. He does. He does has no gun. He's got him. They've got all the guys outside. What does he do? He throws general drugs across the room and then hides in the cockpit of the plane and then just lets everyone else get on the plane. Like, you've gone from the commanding position here to completely fucked. Yeah, right down this point.

Starting point is 01:02:35 Just grab general drugs and run. Like, why waste the time to kill John McClain? Why waste the time to monologue as Stuart does? He's like, hey, we got to throw some grenades into this cockpit to kill John McLeod. This fucking face is very funny. You could have just left. If they're in the grenades with the world's longest fuses. Yeah, they send in the 50 second-long fused grenades.

Starting point is 01:02:58 And he has a row down. Grenade for the 20 second fused. Has enough time to use the ejector seat to get himself out of there. It is sick there It is It is it is it's a lessons. I hope someone does kill him It is cool though. I like this bit It uses the ejector seat in the cockpit and like manages to escape the explosion and if that the the boys actually see this and they're like Lucky son of a bitch and then they're like oh shit

Starting point is 01:03:21 We got to go because the fucking fire department are coming and like what are they gonna do? They got the one thing that scared of yeah fire department are coming. And like, what are they gonna do? They've got to pass. The one thing they're scared of, yeah. Fire department are a very melee based as a fighting unit. The thin red line, what are they at water, canna? I guess they are on Christmas Eve. And it is cold.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Yeah, they're becoming. We go back to Holly and Holly is on the plane. She closes her work folder and I note that she still works for Nakatomi, which is really funny. Imagine the Christmas party. That's so crazy's the next year. Well, she's notably not there for it. She's, I'm skipping this one boys, I gotta tell you.

Starting point is 01:03:52 Oh my God. Just like at the Nakatomi plaza, Christmas party, they're like, oh man, her does a rough time last year. I mean, why would she quit Nakatomi? Like, you know, there's a lot of sympathy. She wasn't mistreated by any of the guys. Yeah, they must have like, presumably given her a lot of time off for like, money. Yeah, you hope so.

Starting point is 01:04:11 You hope so. For 90s, they still had some workers right, we've got a few more now. So, so they're running out of fuel and she's, she's on a patriotic American plane. So, the American plane is like, listen, the second we run out of fuel, we're going to drop out of the sky thing. Therefore, what we should do to keep them calm is being Americans. We got to show them TV. Everybody watch this classic Simpson's episode. Which should be fair? Would show me up? 1990's.

Starting point is 01:04:37 It's just modern Simpson's episode. It's never going gonna get worse. Yeah, Marge is gonna sound like this forever. At this point, Walter Pack calls the news station. And he's like... From the bathroom. He goes into the plane bathroom, he cooks some shrimp in there, and then he calls in the newsroom, and he goes, listen, here's what's going on. There's like army special forces.

Starting point is 01:04:59 I've got a scoop. High jacked the airfort. And like this is fine to do. Like he's a reporter. He does his job. Yeah. It's newsworthy story. Like this is legit, but we also see that he's kind of doing it

Starting point is 01:05:12 for career reasons. He's like, you know, yeah, a little bit of vain, fine. But this immediately provokes a riot in the airport, which is so funny to me, to be like, my love won my die, I'm getting a big toberalrone. Like, I'm gonna start losing at this point. I'm carrying off some duty free quantum.

Starting point is 01:05:31 I gotta tell you, if I'm in an airport and I hear an announcement that sounds even slightly worrying, I'm straight into the duty free, like, poor, shit in my back. So pouring fucking. This part fumes into my back. John and Barnes. This perfume's into my bag. John and Barnes are like, well, how did the boys roll up so quickly on that plane? They must be stationed somewhere nearby. Maybe they're in the old church factory,

Starting point is 01:05:54 where the airport cables go. So at this point, the army change into their cool snow outfits, which is very cute. Yeah, it is nice. Yeah. They kind of look like AR-IR-A pastry chefs. Yeah. It looks like a Michelin man unit though. They look like they're guarding patron decorator Valhalla is what they look like. And the statues outside that go into a line too. The one guy who John McLean has spoken to in the army

Starting point is 01:06:23 beside Major Grant is like, Hey, it's a shame I wasn't with you guys in from the middle. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well off that. Hang on. Are we? Yes, we are. So first John goes to the church and then they spot a century. John fights a century and kills him and then the army roll up because Barnes called them. So I guess John, John kills him with an icicle through the eye

Starting point is 01:06:48 Yeah, it was kind of pointless as well because then the army roll up and John falls back. It's like okay, but I'm provoked violence there and then they the army respect you now John McLean my notes say true I'm oh there's a really funny bit where the boys inside are like, you know, loading up and like getting ready to go. And one of the henchmen like picks up his magazine, flips it in his hand, catches it like a cool guy, and then like tries to put it into the weapon, but like misses and fucks it up. Yeah, I really love the tape. That's what I was saying. Yeah, oh, shit.

Starting point is 01:07:18 And all of these magazines are also taped together, but they're taped together with blue tape. Yes. Normally, they're taped together with red tape. Yes, normally they're taped together with red, but they get the sort of like, and likes to do a start, and like he's like halfway through a monlock at one point, and he's like, boy, boy, they're rolling up. Everyone's swapped to the blue magazines,

Starting point is 01:07:36 and they all change from the red to the blue. They'll have them. So yeah, they also put some bomb. They've swapped your shorter fused grenades. Yeah, they put some bombs in the like control center. They have like three bricks of serious party for one room. And I've written down, I don't know why I write like this or talk like this and I should probably be killed,

Starting point is 01:08:00 but I've written down the phrase, these snow suit dipshits do not move tactically. They've really done that. So it's so really not funny to imagine but I've written down the phrase, these snowsuit dipshits do not move tactically. They really don't, though. So it's also really not funny to imagine trying to tactically sneak around and then your snowsuit's making it like, like, wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh- Oh, but Grant calls Lorenzo the chief of bureaucrat and get some out of the way because fuck bureaucrats. We love the army.

Starting point is 01:08:32 Yeah. Which is, this is all the change from diehard one where both the FBI and the like LAPD SWAT team were notorious dipships. Yeah, the FBI guys were like cowboys who got themselves killed being imbeciles. Like, it was really blatant. Whereas this one's like, oh, federal government sending my boys. Thank God. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:54 And, yeah, John steals a snowmobile and he goes after them as the army guys realize that the equipment is booby trapped with C4. We got a cool snowmobile chase, which I quite like and some gooby traps. The gooby traps arech is particularly funny, because they walk in and grants, like careful boys, it might be Booby Trapch in here, and halfway through saying that,

Starting point is 01:09:11 one of the other guys go, yeah, they've done it so, I'm sorry. Yeah, it is. It's just run around and leave again. Careful, it might be Booby Trapch. Oh, it is, all right, bye. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:20 You're like, all right. So, so McLean chases them down the snowmobile, noting that grants guys are not giving chase at all. He kills one of them, takes their MP5, tries to shoot them, and it has no effect. And he's like, what the fuck? Oh, what the fuck? That's weird. They get away though, because they blow up John's snowmobile, he jumps a truck and they think he's,

Starting point is 01:09:47 they think they got him. And the Colonel is now heading for the hangar where his 747 is ready. He also has a detonator for the equipment. So like if they try and stop him, then he'll blow up the parallel control room and they won't be able to land the plane. This is the point where Major Grant does that thing he does.

Starting point is 01:10:03 He does the thing, he does the thing, because he's like the Telford, the one guy who McLean has spoken to us like, hey, it's a shame I wasn't with you guys in Grenada, a real war. And Grant goes, yeah, kill this guy right now. Kill this motherfucker. I'm going to show you on there

Starting point is 01:10:21 because then I wouldn't have to do this and just like does it in with the bowing. Yeah, horrible. Oh, it's pretty vis-cross and just like does it in the bowie. Horrible. Oh, it's pretty vis-a-vis. No, it's like this is a sick turn. I didn't see this coming. Yeah, I didn't see it coming. I didn't see this coming.

Starting point is 01:10:32 It's a really effective twist. I really liked it. It is. It's good screen rising. Yeah, they're working with the kernel all along the army. Oh, this is de-fuck-it-tort the kernel all you know is their buds. It said it first last. I told them everything you knew about drugs.

Starting point is 01:10:46 Um. It's got love drugs. Yeah. So at this point, John realizes that the magazine he picked up is loaded with blanks, and he proves this point. I'm doing cinema sins, ding, you can't switch. Pretty much any firearm from blanks to live ammunition

Starting point is 01:11:02 because the blanks won't have enough energy to cycle the actions. So you have to have an adapter to choke down the barrel to increase the yeah, you have to see I know that I start up. Yeah, you just put a blank in any gun. No, no, no, so so when I was in cadets we used to have live and banks. Yeah, you used to have like a blank fire adapter, the yellow thing that you fit onto the end of the barrel. Yeah, we got this eventually, but we didn't have them when I started. Yeah, you said like a blank fire adapt to the yellow thing that you fit onto the end of the barrel, right? Yeah, we got this eventually, but we didn't have them when I started. Yeah, but if you had like the the GP rifle that like was bolt action, it doesn't matter because it didn't need the round to cycle it, right? But yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's the yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:36 Yeah, so a blank sound will work. This is an educational podcast, actually. It won't cycle the action, it just screwed the little thing on the end. That's it. And it's like increasing the gas pressure. This is an educational podcast because of cup. That's actually, it won't cycle the action, it just screwed the little thing on the end. And it's like increasing gas pressure. This is an education of podcasts, because I was watching the terror

Starting point is 01:11:48 with my beautiful partner, and they were doing a little toast to one of them and goes, what day is it? And you have a ghost Thursday, and I was like, from the thing that I was told to eat. That's right, I was pointing at the screen. But John proves that the army guys are betraying them because he opens fire on the police captain with blanks in an airport. Yeah, it's the 90.

Starting point is 01:12:10 He does not fucking hesitate to let him bark. No, I can't mind Lorenzo. He really does. He like throws the gun down afterwards, which is painful to watch. Um, it's a really nice gun. Um, and it's time to kick ass. So apparently his lines aren't very good either. Bureaucrats can be redeemed by kicking ass.

Starting point is 01:12:29 Um, and that's, yeah. Oh, the way that it treats Captain Lawrence, I was like, curious to me, right? Where it's kind of like, he does the same thing for Owl Pal, right, where he gives cops back their cop self-respect by making them do some cowboys shit. Yeah, and it's always overweight, cops. Like, it's always cops who are like, I'm a big fish and a small...

Starting point is 01:12:53 Well, no, actually, to be fair, Owl Powell wasn't particularly pathetic. He was just more pathetic because then like... Yeah. ...of an earring. He was overweight and unwilling to kill. Yeah. So, that's true. Yeah. Lorenzo becomes willing to kill.

Starting point is 01:13:06 Meanwhile, Holly is seeing that journalism can only ever be irresponsible and must be punished. Because, yeah, like Thornburg is kind of like panicking people, he's like, you know, we could all be killed at any moment. He's also correct. If they'd evacuated the Apple earlier, a lot of this could have been avoided.

Starting point is 01:13:25 Yeah, he's 100% correct, and he's just doing his job or so. For no reason, she just like hits him with the stun gun. She gets him with the taser. Like, and here's the thing, right? If you're panicking, if you have like a big toplaron under each arm, you're like kicking the glass in at juicy free. Of course. And you're listening to the news, and the guy goes,

Starting point is 01:13:44 we might all be killed. Brrr. We're screwing the tops of the fragrance. You're packing more in a middle of the glass. Yeah, yeah. Way more. Like they fucking like they alkydered this guy. He's on air right now.

Starting point is 01:13:59 Yes. They're trying to like justify it because like he's on air being like and this story's been broken by me the worst, greatest fucking journalist of all time. And she zaps him on. The punishment for hubris is not getting tasered. I mean, sometimes, but it's not like I do. So at this point, John flags down the reporter lady with ADHD and it's like, yo, can you give me a lift in Duneuse chopper?

Starting point is 01:14:23 Because he has to do this because he's originally gonna get a lift on an airport police car and they're all set to like cowboy up. The very crisp guy is there in the back of the car because their brothers, he's also, they immediately crash the car, which is, that is fun. I am a fan of that.

Starting point is 01:14:40 So he has to like get the news helicopter to drop him onto the wing of a taxiing 747. This is cool. Sorry. Yeah. It's just so. Yes. He also jams. He takes off his cool jacket and he jams one of the flaps because general drugs is flying the plane with all the boys on. They're going to get away. And he gets onto the wing and he jams one of the flaps. And then major Grant comes out and they have a fight on the wing. They do. This, this,

Starting point is 01:15:09 this second cool jacket, it's a fire department jacket. It's like bunker girls really nice. Yeah, this is sick. This is sick. Like, I respect the fuck out of Grant for this because he's like, I'm going to go out there and fist fight this guy on this wing. He doesn't even hesitate. No one has to convince him to do that. He's like, it's time for me to fist fight this guy on the way. I have two notes. I would have shot him with a gun. Well, this is the thing. General Drugs says you can't shoot him with a gun because the planes that like the wings are full of fuel. Yeah. And we don't have like a self-sealing fuel tank. I would have shot horizontal instead of shooting him down. Nah. It doesn't matter. I'm not perpendicular to the wing. Two things. First of all, as we go back to Holly,

Starting point is 01:15:48 Thornberg is like panicking, and I write down, this guy is a pussy because he's scared of dying in a plane crash. Yeah, I don't really, all of the Holly shit genuinely could have been cut, and the movies do what have been like good. Maybe a little bit better, but a past even. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:07 And the second thing I know is that the plan here is they've defected because explicitly, as Stuart says, like in one of his monologues earlier, general drugs is a poor walk against communism. drugs right is a whole walk against communism and this country the 1990 United States of America keeps cutting him off at the knees The thing about the US and the 1990s Kill communists they fucking hated that shit. Yeah, this is, this is, this is a, B stop. I, I guess a man well, Noriega thing,

Starting point is 01:16:50 but to then also bring in Nicaragua, it's, it's the most tepid criticism of US policy in specifically Central America to be like, oh man, some of these guys seem alarmingly fascist and our military seem to be enabling them. It's like, yeah, no shit, of course, that's what they are paid to do.

Starting point is 01:17:10 Yeah, like Reagan sent weapons and money to death squads in El Salvador, right? Yeah, it wasn't a sort of policy of, oh, these guys just did it because they're extreme and working beyond the White House and they, you know, became mercenaries. So, you know, because they were fucking ordered to. But in any case, they're going to defect to, I don't know, fucking somewhere fascist and

Starting point is 01:17:37 Central America where the US can't get them. Big question mark. And they're going to do that by flying that by flying the US has an air. Or so. The US can shoot planes down. Yeah, that's true. They could have shot that plane down. John McClain had just done fuck all here

Starting point is 01:17:54 and just gone, okay, right, jobs are good. Like, you know, they could have just fucking shot the thing down, doesn't matter. I mean, take a hostage, maybe that, I would have done that. Yeah, no hostages, not at all, just boys all in a plane. I would take hostages.

Starting point is 01:18:10 Major grant gets kicked into a jet engine and inhaled by the jet engine. And I think that maybe having one of your engines have a guy inhaled into it is probably bad. Yeah, this guy gets fucking obliterate. He got three more engines. He goes through that shit and the engine is just fine. I imagine the engine is 30 of them a guy.

Starting point is 01:18:33 No, it's no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no, fan. Very thin. Very, very thin. Sorry, sorry. No, the complain. McLean gets the shit kicked out of him by Colonel Stewart, but as he gets kicked off

Starting point is 01:18:46 the wing, he like pulls the wing, dumps the fuel fuel. Fuel the fuel. Yeah. To check my dumps, lever, and there's no way to see the fuel levels from the cockpit or to stop dumping fuel from the cockpit. So they take off. Okay. Now I'm going to stop you here because all of this is incorrect and it's wrong, right? Like, like, no, no, no, not from your part. Like,

Starting point is 01:19:13 all of this is possibly done in real life. However, what it is in service of is so sick nasty that I'm willing to let it pass. The plane, the plane is trailing fuel, McLean, who is, I guess, also covered in fuel at this point, sparks up the lighter. Does not cast fire. Can you see it, though? Yeah, throws it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:34 And the trailer fuel just ignites, outruns the plane. Ignites the whole way up. Yeah, jumps up the flow of fuel into the airplane's wing and the whole, like, the whole church gets deconsecrated. Unbelievable. McLean having deconsecrated their entire shit just starts, just starts laughing in a really psycho way. Yeah, immediately it starts doing a four night default dance. Like liquid jet fuel doesn't burn. You can't do that. That wouldn't work.

Starting point is 01:20:02 And the way that he saves the day is instead of them just flipping the runway lights back on now that the shit's over, the planes come into land, Holley's first, which is running on fumes, and therefore is going to fall out of the sky and not just glide. It comes into land on the plane crash. Like it uses the fire. It's a in landing light. Yeah, just land a plane on top of the plane crash. That's fine. No problems.

Starting point is 01:20:30 Instead of taxing out of the way of like the 13 other flights who need to land, they just like disembark right there. Yeah, like with like a second between them. That separation fantastic. I'll say this for free though. Holly has no idea that John is involved in this. She has no idea what he's been up to. She's getting off this plane and seeing him

Starting point is 01:20:51 and just be like, for fuck's sake, did you do it again? Yeah. I was just keep happening to her. She fucking do it. It's good, yeah. And so Thornberg is left to... Old lady calls him an asshole.

Starting point is 01:21:04 You know, recuperate from his haze of wound lying in the snow. Untreated while paramedics hustle, like, uninged people past him. Well, what were they gonna do? They were just gonna defibrillate him once and then fuck off. He's already had his one defibrillation he's done. That's true. That's true. Fantastic triage work there. And... Marvin, the journalist, like, I ain't gonna clean up this mess Rick whoa

Starting point is 01:21:27 The airport the airport cop brothers go very Christian and tear up his ticket and So they tell this ticket and the person who I wasn't watching this movie We've didn't turn to me and say now we can't get the car back movie with didn't turn to me and say now he can't get the car back. That's true. They impounded his shit. But this is the other thing. Right. He's fucked.

Starting point is 01:21:50 He's fucked. They impounded shit and now he can't get back. The TV news lady like watches him but like respectfully and stops them filming as opposed to Thornberg in the first movie. And the vibe is like, you know, peace and good will to all men. There's like Christmas music. How do we Christmas? 300 British people are dead.

Starting point is 01:22:09 I hope someone does kill him. The most Christmas of all. Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas, dead brits. There's like two burning planes in the shot and I was like, and to all a good night. It's like raining body parts. It's a fucking coal media still landing.

Starting point is 01:22:28 Oh no! Oh no! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media!

Starting point is 01:22:37 They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! They killed coal media! In it. Right. Yeah, that's the end of my notes, which means we must be at the end of the movie.

Starting point is 01:22:46 How did he feel? This one was way worse than that. This was so much fucking worse. So, I thought, I thought, I thought, I thought he said like an underdog and he has to live by his wits, but he has to live by his wits in kind of like pedestrian way, where it's like he found a gun and then shit like that. And this also doesn't have a hands grubber as much as the naked shit with William Sadler promised it and the foc on Michael and Voice. He mostly, he's pretty boring. Yeah, he didn't have enough

Starting point is 01:23:10 presence, I don't think. No, it's not a photo and William Sadler, I think it's just they don't give a bit of much. Of course, it's yeah. But yeah, no, it's so it just kind of to me, it red as sequel to you know, the kind of sequel they did a bunch in the 90s where it's like, you like this guy, we got more of this guy, we threw more money at it. It's literally called die hard to die harder. Like, yeah, this movie is, it's like movie to the sequel to movie. And you're like, here he is, I'm clapping my hands and going, yeah, this seems like you wait until Kitch, it'd be 2020 fucking five

Starting point is 01:23:47 when we have to. What? The same second easier mission for John Dihard McLean than last time, it feels like you've got to wear shoes. You can even get this like a big fucks up. Yeah, he gets to wear shoes the whole time. He's also pretending he's on his own here. There's like a whole airport full of people.

Starting point is 01:24:03 Yeah, he's got a lot of hours. Detective Cypherwits, you know? Yeah. But we don't have to speculate idly about this because we have a science-based system on the podcast. It's called the S.G.M. system. It stands for SMARM, Cultural and Sensitivity, Unprovoked, Violence and Masculinity. Masculency? Yeah, so that's a masculinity.

Starting point is 01:24:22 All of them get seven. Stand for Ms. Ojane. How SMARMY is this movie? masculinity. Yeah, so that's a masculinity. All of them get seven. Stan some is originally. How smarmy is this movie? Yes. Much, much, much higher than the first one. And I don't recall what we gave the first. Is the shit in your brain's feet that the lead in your freedom?

Starting point is 01:24:35 That looks in your ass. Welcome to the same guy with the shit in his sex. I had to. So this time he's got a brain injury. All right. This is gonna get worse. Like we're gonna have to go higher than this when we start getting into like Schwarzenegger stuff.

Starting point is 01:24:51 I'm considering at some point in the years of the future because we're gonna watch every movie a season of Schwarzenegger. They made a lot of movies about my skin. I know a lot of like cool 90s, schlock, Schwarzenegger movies. Yeah, so. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:04 Cultural and sensitivity. I think it's pretty offensive to call a guy 90s, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock, schlock,

Starting point is 01:25:12 schlock, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, sch, I... I'm gonna do scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I'm not gonna use any of these. Drugs. Oh, see, senior. It's all here. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:33 It's true. Um... Four. Oh, do you have another character's color who have like agency and do good shit, which is nice? True. It's true. It's true. Four?

Starting point is 01:25:42 There's not, there's weirdly not a lot of homophobia. True. Yeah, there's, yeah. Three or three or four, I guess. Let's go four. Oh, yeah. I unprovoked violence. John McLean, the icicle guy did not need to die and did not need to start like that.

Starting point is 01:25:58 That was so straight up. That was done for our entertainment. Like John advances on the position, kills him and then falls back. It's at a snap point. Yeah, yeah. He did that for the fun of it. He blows off a plane kind of, for no reason. He does low up a plane.

Starting point is 01:26:15 He does go in with no backup and then just open fire on. Yeah. He's got pretty, pretty up-to-fire. They open fire on him first. Did they provoke it? Well, he engineered the situation and he's a cop so like Yeah, okay four five four four four four And my son can have been started by the app wait wait wait hold on hold on

Starting point is 01:26:38 It's got to be a five because we've got to also include Holly tasering a journalist Oh my gosh, she is a protagonist of this movie and her violence is excused and fine. Yeah, for the same, she'd be protected. I can't believe I'm saying that as a British trans woman, but you can't just go around Taseringer journalists when they're right. Sometimes they might actually be not annoying. They are. Yeah, misogyny.

Starting point is 01:27:01 How misogynistic is this movie? Well, Holly doesn't get to do anything except Taser or Guy. Well, here's your two female characters. There's Holly and ADHD journalist. The good journalist, and you can tell she's a good journalist because her journalism is like not threatening to the police, which she does get called a pinko bitch at one point. Yeah, but that's meant to be like, you know, to establish the fuck as a bad unsympathetic. Yeah. I it every woman is trying to fuck John McLean, but because he's too wholesome to do it, it doesn't come across as being particularly

Starting point is 01:27:36 exploited. Because the thing is they're only being written in so that he can get his like wife guy lines off. Yeah, it feels it feels a little less. Still kind of like masculine power, I see those as like, I'm also the women one of fucking. Yeah, and it's, you know,

Starting point is 01:27:51 the characters that only exist to make him seem sexually desirable. Yeah, there's like none of the airport cops or women, you know, any of this. I, I don't know, for 1990, I keep wanting to like grade on a curve here and I keep having to talk myself out of it. Three? I could go for three.

Starting point is 01:28:13 I think we're being a little bit merciful to give it a three. It could have been a four, but I'm at, it's Christmas. It's Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Yeah, that is a total score of 18,, which is would you like to know what we gave diehard one a year ago today last year we gave diehard one 14 so we are getting worse. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes about right. I can't wait for next year because

Starting point is 01:28:41 I have three. Yeah, many happy returns. I hope you have my favorite. Yeah, next year. Many happy returns. I hope, thank you all for listening to the most wonderful on this year. Just sincerity, Christmas zone. Can we get silent night under this? I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate it. A wonderful holiday season if you don't.

Starting point is 01:29:00 And I hope that you are continuing to listen in 2024. And you join us again, this time next year for the movie with the racist sandwich board, Die Hard 3. It's been a pleasure. It's been an honor and a privilege to command all of you. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure.

Starting point is 01:29:30 It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure.

Starting point is 01:29:38 It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's been a shame you were in pleasure. It's okay to feel insane. Your phone is making you feel insane. It's fine.

Starting point is 01:29:49 Don't worry. That's right. We all do. Look after yourself and we will see you next year. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.

Starting point is 01:29:59 Yes. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. That's right, next year, about the same time, we're going to be doing die hard 3, a movie that is fatically not a Christmas movie. Just simply doesn't take place at Christmas, nothing to do at Christmas. Just going to do it for the Christmas special anyway because of the rod we build for our backs every day. However, if that is simply too long for you to wait, and it is a year, you can hear another episode of Kill James Bond next week, also on the free feed, because it too is a special for the holiday season. It's gold finger with no notes, and we're all with struggling. We're not doing too great on that one, I get

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Starting point is 01:32:53 arguments in your family. Why not? Go ahead and live once. And you're all around at dinner table. So really it's now and never. It's high time. Just start throwing immense amounts of shades. just start talking about Palestine, whatever. That's not legal advice. The Elchains Bond is Alice Abigail and Devon are producers of the wonderful name of the day and this... er, like, with Tom O'Marney. Our podcast art is my Matty LePchansky, our website is by Tom Allen and I will see you next week for another pre-recorded jazz outro. Tom Allen and I will see you next week for another pre-recorded jazz outro.

Upstream - S3E9: Die Hard 2

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