Kill James Bond! - S4E15.5: On Her Majesty's Secret Service with No Notes [PREVIEW]

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

This is a preview of a bonus episode! Check it out at our reasonably-priced Patreon ----- This never happened to the other fella. A confluence of factors prevented our brave hosts from discussing A Serious Man, so instead, we have taken it upon ourselves to sit in a circle in a smoke-filled room and desperately try to remember a pretty unmemorable movie that we watched 4 years ago.  Something about Vaccines? I think??? ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. As you well know I've been working with a few gazan families to raise money for their daily living costs in the genocide. Thanks to your incredible generosity, we've been able to raise the money to register Ahmed and his family for evacuation from Gaza. I truly, truly cannot thank you enough. I hope the wait is short and I'm able to tell you that he's safe in Egypt very soon.  Here are three more campaigns from trusted sources. Each of these are for a family that need your help. If you're able to help them out at all, it would mean the world. https://chuffed.org/project/121901-help-mahers-family-with-medical-costs https://chuffed.org/project/128691-help-my-family-evacuate-gaza-war-zone https://chuffed.org/project/130802-help-rashas-family-in-gaza-evacuate-and-live ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com 

Good morning. My name's Bond. James Bond. Miss, um... Don't move, Mr Bond. Hello and welcome to another bonus episode of Kill James Bond. I'm November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends, Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. Hi, hi guys. Do you know what happens in, um, on Her Majesty's Secret Service? Nope, not a fucking clue. Did you know that we had this today? Did you know that we had on Her Majesty's Secret Service

no notes today? It's, yeah, it's due in now. Fuck! Jesus! I did a My Her Majesty's Secret Service and I wasn't wearing pants! Okay, let me just lay all of our cards on the table for you here. We are scrambling. And part of the reason why I sound so uncertain about this is because I have taken a week off work

in order to finish my dissertation and I've forgotten how to podcast. I don't know how to do that anymore, so that's going to be an issue. Also, combined with that, Abbey is... Yes, I'm about to start 13 weeks on a massive action project, so basically every moment that I'm not podcasting I'm just fighting stuntmen. If you ever hear me go quiet on the mic, it's probably because I'm just like breaking someone's arm or just like not now. Okay. So throwing someone through a table or as the case may be breaking a stuntman's nose from punching too hard in training, which is what George Lasonby did do that. So far I've managed to avoid hurting anyone on the stunt team, long may it stay that way. In fact, they keep telling me, like, hit it harder, like, hit him harder, and I'm like,

no, I don't want to break his nose. I'm too nice. While you're kind of busy getting, like, interrupted by stuntmen who are, like, breaking in to, like, you know, try and get you to do stage combat practice, we will not be able to record as easily. And so our original plan was to do a serious man at this point, as part of religion season. Then we realized that the timings didn't quite work for that. So we had plan B, timings didn't quite work for plan B either, and so this is like plan F, this is like plan Q. Plan Q is this the only the only day we

can record it the only day we're all free what if we just did the no notes thing and the latest no notes is George Laysenby's on her majesty's secret service what the fuck happens in this movie yeah so I mean this is where we start running into the problems, right? Because I think all of the early- This is where- The very early Bonds, the Connery stuff, I can muscle memory out. No problem. I was very excited recording these episodes of the podcast, because we were just starting

a new project, so they're like, ironed in here. Yeah. Plus, say what you like about Connery, the man was like, memorable. Memorable? Yeah, I'm currently just- I've got a piece of paper here and I'm writing down everything I can remember about this, so I've got antagonist Blofeld, okay? Yep. Yep.

Number one, yep. We got Blofeld, it's Telly Silvallis. Yes. Yes. He's got no earlobes. That's true, that's true, and I have the drop for that. Yeah. To begin with, I was born without a low.

Okay, great. I think I remember how it starts. Oh, it starts in media's race with like a like a chase in the middle of the night, like a car chase. Yes. Right. And then bonds car crash. You don't see bond.

He's always in shadow. And they're trying to do the fake out thing, whether even though he's on the posters and stuff and it was like, oh, you're so right. You've got the like shadowed bond. And they're like to do the fake out thing, even though he's on the posters and stuff and it was like in the press. You've got the shadowed Bond and they're like, who is it? Who is it? Who could this be? Because Laysmneer is completely unknown as an actor, right? And they're like, is it that guy off the TV that I like?

What kind of Bond are we gonna get? And then, like, Conclave, they crash a car and the white smoke reveals the presence of a new James Bond because he picks himself off the beach or whatever where it crashes and that's where he goes. This never happens to the other film. No, that's not what happens. There's a fight that revolves around that. That is not what happens. She's locking in.

Okay, here we go. Yeah, no, we all recognize this expression. This is like the one bit that I do remember. George Lazenby is driving along. He's not being chased. He's driving along and he sees a woman wandering into the sea about to kill herself. Oh, fuck. And he gets out to rescue her. He dives into the sea. He grabs her. And that's when we get the reveal.

You're right that he's shot in shadow. He grabs her. He says, my name is Bond. We get the drop that you played. And he rescues this woman. He says, my name is Bond, James Bond. Who the fuck are you? And that's when the goons pull the gun on him, because she's the daughter of a crime boss. And then we have a badly edited stunt fight on the beach. And I can't remember what prompts him to say, this never happened to the other fella,

but that's the opening thing. He gets like beaten up or something like that like he loses the fight ish. He doesn't lose but like something embarrassing happens and he goes this never happened. She leaves she doesn't leave with him. Yes. Does she get taken away by the goons? That might be it even. But she doesn't leave with Bond or she runs away and that's when he turns to the camera says this never happened to the other fella. When we cut to the theme song, which is what? I don't even remember.

Oh, it's all the time in the world. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. What's the title sequence? I don't you know, and also you've just hummed you only live twice. This is, this is it. This is the melange. This is the assemblage. Oh, you're so right. Yeah. No, I'm think sorry. I'm thinking of the only James Bond movie that I liked, which is the Bond of the mind. Right. Yeah, it is all the time in the world. You're so yeah, but all of the rooms of the Bond mind palace are compressing into each other like inception. This is this is exactly what I wanted to get out of this. We do though, we do have a lifeline, right? Because in the course of thinking about this,

we realized none of us remember what happens in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. And so we do have the big red panic button, which is if we're truly stuck, we have no idea what fucking happens, we go and reveal the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis. No, I don't want to use that. I don't need to use that because I remember that we're in a casino and he has a ruffly shirt. He walks into a casino and he walks like a model and he's wearing a ruffly

shirt. I remember the model walk into the casino and then he later gets model perp walked. And that was the reminder. Like the woman from Transporter 3. Yes. In many ways they kind of walk like that, you know? Of a piece with each other, yeah. I remember that he's in the casino, he must meet a sexy woman, because that's what he's got to have a sexy woman in his ear. And then at some point have a he meets a sexy woman and then at some point they end up in a in a bedroom together and george lazenby rests his hips against the door frame kind of cunty with it he does he does so very right okay he might hit her i don't

remember there is there is a crime boss that wants george lazenby to fuck his daughter and we need to get to that we're not there yet we're not there yet i know i know i'm setting out the the journey that we need to take so that we know our trajectory. Something happens to get us here. Yeah. He goes into someone's hotel room, he's not meant to be there, and he steals a grape on his way out. No, he doesn't!

That's, that's... Connery! The grape theft is before the Bondwickler, this is a normal sentence to say. The grape theft is indeed in the end of the third one. Really? I shout out the grape theft in Thunderball. So you're mixing Thunderball with His Majesty's Secret Service. Maybe I am. I believe he steals the grape in Thunderball, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't- Lazenby, zero grapes stolen. End of Bond report, no grapes.

No grapes. How many grapes did this fucker steal? I have a phantom memory of george lazard me. I can picture the shot and it never happened. It's weird if you graph the number of grapes stolen per bond and it's one and then flat zero. This is so disturbing because I could see that shot in my head of george lazard me stealing the grape. Whatever. He ends up in a hotel room with a sexy lady. I think maybe he hits her, they have sex. And then in the morning she's gone! In the morning she's gone!

It's the same lady, he meets her in the casino. This happens to James Bond like 50 times. It's the same lady who he rescues, he meets in the casino, they go upstairs, they have sex, he might hit her, I don't know, he leans his hips against the doorframe, Conti with it and we wake up in the morning and she's gone. Yes, of course. And she's left him a note. And this woman was she's the crime. Something it's fucking is it just has to trace in a rig right. She's a contest or something. Yeah, Diana rig, Diana rig. She'll be Diana rig for the remainder of this.

At some point he has to like actually get like a job hook into this to be like, Bond go and find out everything you know about this like crime boss or whatever. ZOE Okay. He goes down to the lobby and there's a guy with a newspaper and this is when they have the newspaper and this is when he gets perp walked. ALICE He does, yeah. ZOE He gets kidnapped. ALICE He's just been like recreationally fucking this woman perp walked. He does, yeah. He gets kidnapped. Yes, yes, yes.

He's just been like recreationally fucking this woman. There's no like M involvement whatsoever. Yeah, this is such a like busman's holiday for Bond. Okay. So he runs into this woman on the beach, he rescues her, he goes back to his casino where he runs into her again. This is why it's difficult, because it doesn't have the tissue of a typical Bond film where you go, oh and then somebody tells Bond go to next location. No, here's somebody. Model for the location. Miss Cunty, Mr. Lazily,

I need you to come with me into this back room. And he goes, absolutely. And this is when he meets the crime boss. Yes. Yes. He was like, I see you've been hanging out with and fucking my daughter. Yes. And she's a wild soul. Please keep doing that. Yes. And she needs a man to dominate her. She needs a man to dominate her. To dominate her. To dominate her. I think I have to, where the fuck did I put the drop? Yeah. This was the previews clip I picked from the episode. Yeah. He needs- Yeah. I fully, I have it, but I don't have it on the board.

RILEY You have it, but it's in amongst them. Yes, he goes, Miss James Bond, I need you to fuck my daughter, because she's wild, and you're James Bond, so that'll sort it out. ALICE Yes. RILEY By the way, she's Diana Rigg. DIAHN I need you to make my daughter come like a hollow monkey. RILEY Alright, you know the drill. You know the drill

at this stage. If you wanna hear the rest of this tie-ify, you're the drill. You know the drill at this stage. If you want to hear the rest of this tie-afire, you're gonna have to head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com slash killjamesbond, all one word, and sign up today for as little as £5 a month. That's right, for just about the price of about 750 grams of firm tofu all in, you can check out our entire backlog featuring years of bonus episodes, all of which are similar, if not slightly better than this one.