Kill James Bond! - S4E16: Transporter 4

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

If I had a penny for every time we've reviewed a poorly-thought out 2010s reboot of a 2000s film series that prominently features three women dressed in identical wigs to fool security cameras, I would have two pennies. ----- Remember to check out our reasonably-priced Patreon for our bonus episodes! Check out our curated collections for a route into our huge backlog of hundreds of hours of gold-standard podcasting! ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. My union, ACORN, has recently affiliated with the Palestine Communist Youth Union, an organisation in Palestine that helps provide real aid to gaza, tents, food, and water. Any money donated will go towards doing the maximum good for the maximum number of people, and in building the power of the communists in Palestine. https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com 

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends, Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. Hello. We're finally done. We come to bury Frank Transporter, not to praise him. This is... His beloved car will be his grave. Finally. His beloved car will be his grave. It already is, because this isn't the Frank Transporter we know. This is some other guy. They made him straight for the reboot and it's bullshit. They did make him straight

in the reboot yeah I know he was straight in all three movies thus far but we had a very strong belief that he wasn't and in this one it's just it's impossible to even keep that going. It's sort of like you know how they did a bunch of beloved intellectual properties like Oceans 8 right where they're like oh feminism is one we've got to make this like more diverse and then those things did not do well for a number of reasons. And then they retreated back then part of the backlash. That's what the transporter refueled is. But the first three transporter movies were all the woke ones, in my opinion. Yeah. I mean, I think this is quite possibly the most misogynistic movie we've seen on this podcast. I was wondering how far into double digits we could get.

Yeah, no, this is um... I think this is worse than Goldfinger, in terms of its misogyny. I think this might be one of the most misogynistic movies I've ever seen. And I've seen, like, pornography. I think just like, the technology exists to make a transporter movie where the thing being transported isn't a trafficked woman, but thus far they've been completely incapable of making that happen. Yeah, it's like, I can think of several interesting stories about transporting things that are not trafficked women. You can also see them, and in particular I believe you can see Luc Besson

trying to beat the allegations in the way that this movie is fucking written. Oh, this is an If I Did It movie. It so fucking is. We'll get into this. Yeah, because this is kind of the What If I Trafficked Women because I supported women. What if I loved women so much that I was helping to traffic them on their own terms? Yeah.

I want to put this out of the star hit. Transporter, listen, the character of Frank Transporter is a guy who drives a car really good and he's got like three key rules and he never breaks the rules and he transports really good. And every single one of these movies has been nothing to do with that. Yeah. It caused him to break his rules immediately. I just, I would love a movie that had him

as the protagonist in it, right? Like where it was like... RETTA Yeah, where all the shit happens around him. WILL Exploring Frank Transporter instead of just, he's here, ah fuck it, whatever. RETTA If the protagonist was Anna, and Frank Transporter wasn't in this movie, it would be interesting. WILL Oh, we'll get to Anna. ALICE Before we do like, emergency script doctoring, right? So, we start with a flashback to the

French Riviera in... Christ. It's 1995, so it's 35 minutes past eight. Mmhmm. No couching at all. We're in the red light district of the French Riviera, a known place. Naturally. I do want to note that this is a bit that feels quite racist to me, in that everyone

that we see on screen is black, but everyone that we see on screen is either a sex worker or a pimp, and the whole soundtrack is a diegetic, very loud hip hop song, which is kind of anachronistic for 1995 in the style as well. And it's just kind of setting up, like, interesting, interesting set of, interesting kind of construction you've made here, Luc Besson. LH- Yes. As always, we start with some slightly racially charged caricatures, but hey, don't worry, they're not gonna be here for very long, because immediately a different group of... Different and whiter group of criminals.

Yeah, Russians, obviously, because we can't make a movie that isn't Russians. Yeah, this is shocking, this convoy rolls up, this, like, two vans and a black Mercedes, some dudes get out and just open fire on the crowd, they just gun down these women. At which point the van doors open, and a bunch of ten out of ten smoke show white women get out and replace them. And it's, like, brutal and shocking. It is, it like... Opening scene.

Yeah. And so the Eastern Europeans take over the red light district, with their clucky women, and we see the main guy, whose name, and we'll get to this in me complaining about everything else, is, scrolling scrolling, Karasov. And he leaves one of these guys alive to go back and say like, the French Riviera belongs to me, Karasov, now. He gives him a business card? Which is an extremely funny thing for a villain to do, because also the business card is just his logo, it doesn't have like, karazov at hotmail.co.uk on the back, like it's just...

ALICE Yeah, all of the sex workers have a necklace, like a mandatory necklace, with his logo on it, which is like a heart being pierced with a dagger. ZOE The heart looks kind of like an ass. ALICE And one of the former prostitutes is like, you know what, this seems like the kind of dynamic go-getting organization I could really be a part of. Yeah. Yep.

I'm gonna defect to Eastern Europeans. Yeah, this is Maesa, she gets in the car and goes away with Karazov. She is a woman of colour, but like, she is noticeably paler than the rest of the people who've just been shot. This is true, yes? Which is like, yeah. She's also not a character. the rest of the people who've just been shot. Which is like, yeah. She's also not a character. Not in the movie.

I do know that we explicitly call this prostitution though, like in the script, which is something that I think a lot of action movies of this type tend to kind of swerve around, and I'm just trying to map all of Luc Besson's shitty opinions onto like a normal political compass and the idea of calling Luc Besson a swerve. It's like one of the funniest things. We're canceling him but over that. Yeah yeah yeah. Canceling him wokely but not that way. Nothing else. No no no. But so Karazov, one of his girls, Anna, is very upset by this

and he tells Anna to smile, and then he gets in his car with Mirsa and drives away. Mm-hmm. It's very, like, explicit, it's kind of, you know, this guy dominating these women in a way that is bad, but also in a way that is filmed in a very kind of male gaze fetishistic way, right? We will fucking get to that! Oh, yeah. This is the baseline where I'm like, hmm, this seems a little bit male gays. It's gonna rock it up from here, it's gonna look like fucking Covid cases in like 2021.

Or number of grapes stolen by James Bond's when we get to Connery. The other problem that I have here is, when I said I had to look up his name it's because I can't fucking hear. What the fuck is happening? No subtitles? 2015? No subtitles, I can't hear without my subtitles, and everyone has a really heavy accent. Like, all of the Russians are doing like, we have big plin, you know? All of the sex workers, in fact all of the women in this movie, which is to say that's interchangeable, Yes.

Are all doing what I like to think of as the international accent of models. Yes, yes! They all come from the country of models! Trying to get a fucking visa there. Yeah, where the fuck is... Cause like, that's in some of the bonds too, but gems, I need you. But like, they all have... They're all from like, French-italia, German, transsexual London, like, yeah.

Yes, yes, yeah, exactly. It's a particular, it's an accent that I can't necessarily mimic very well. Yeah. It's an accent that you get if you go to a lot of fashion weeks in various different European locations. You have been sort of plucked out of, I don't know, Moldova or South Sudan or, you know, a car park in Hounslow and dumped into like Paris fashion week as a kind of seer school experience. Yeah. So through all of this, like wilderness and raised by models. Oh,

Jason Bourne can only walk. Can't he? That'd be really good. We shall raise him as our own. They told me to eat a nothing actually. Yeah. Group of models. He's like floating down the river in like a basket and it comes across a group of models. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They told me how to prepare the traditional model dish of tissues. Sorry. That was quite dark for nine minutes. Fucking accents. Right. And they're all crashing into each other. I just realized, I just realized You know who was found as a child and raised by models? Who? Who? I can't say it or bleep it, but...

Yeah, put a bleep in there. So, my point is, I'm guessing, all of the dialogue here is my best guess because it's filtered through a guy going, we have a big plan, to a girl going, gems, we need you, and it's, it's all really mixed poorly. Like, you know, we've talked about what happens when one particular guy doesn't show up. This is when the sound engineer doesn't show up. This is, it's, it's edited badly, it's recorded badly. And so I can't fucking hear. Yeah. 15 years later, Anna is in a restaurant or like a hotel bar. She looks the same.

She's aged phenomenally, I will say that. She looks great. And she gets a phone call, the plan is in place, and the phone call is from a woman who says, I love you, might not say lesbianism? Question mark? I also wrote lesbian question mark. I hope so, but the movie will dash our expectations. We now have to rip away from this interesting lesbian woman to the same garage scene again

from Transport at One. Yeah, some, again, some racially charged characters have arrived to fuck with Frank's car, and he's gonna deal with it epic style. These guys are like, ambiguously Balkan, basically. And there's like, twenty of them, and they're all crowding around his completely mid-Audi S8. Yeah, it's really funny. and they're all crowding around his completely mid-Aldi S8, like, middle manager car, and

they're going like, ooh, we could steal this one, and then he emerges from the shadows, and I go, that's not Frank Transporter, that's not Frank Transporter. That you have made, you've given Nicholas Holt the Giga Chad surgery. He looks like Nicholas Holt, doesn't he? Doesn't he? He looks like Nicholas Holt if't he? Doesn't he? He looks like Nicholas Hold if he was, like, you know, punished Nicholas Hold. But I dunno, it's Ed Screen.

Scryin', I believe. He's our new Frank Transporter, he's been recast, he has hair! It's retreating faster than Germany in 1944, but it is there, on his head. Very slowly in the south, but everywhere else, you know, it's crumpled. Yeah, he's young, and he's a Brit! They didn't even make him try and do an accent, he's just like, I'm Frank Transporter, isn't it? Well I believe that he is very much trying to do an accent.

The accent also enters into the accent dome, because he's trying to do Statham. I'm Frank Transporter. But there's a difference in that Statham pronounces his t's, like he really enunciates them. Whereas, uh, ed screen is like Glottal stop city. Uh, he's, he's, he's the transporter. I don't know what, uh, I don't know what it's green actually really sounds like in real life. Anyone that sounds like this, it's, it's, it's sort of like, he's not trying to do the American thing anymore, but he is trying to imitate Statham.

He gets some of the mannerisms and stuff, which is nice. No, that's charming, but like, the accent. It's cool, it's a nice performance, I quite like him. He's saddled, unfortunately, here with a really dogshit script, and so he emerges from the shadows and he's like, ah, you can't break into my car because of technology. Yeah. I mean, as soon as you think they can't come up with something, they come up with something else. I, yes, I also wrote that down.

Yeah. Amazing line, man. On paper. Great. Technology. At this point, I have to talk about like performance assisting technology because I tend to watch stuff on Amazon, which has the like little fucking Amazon x-ray thing. So when you pause to, for instance, write down the line just as soon as they think you can't come up with something, they come up with

something else, you get the little bar along the bottom of the screen that gives you all the actors and their roles in that screen, in that scene. And at this point I discover he is credited as Frank Martin Jr. and I go, oh, okay, that's Frank Martin's kid whom he carried in his womb. Yeah, of course, that makes sense. That fits with my worldview, yeah. Yeah, Frank Martin was pregnant with this guy during Transporter 3. That makes him Inspector Tarkony's son.

Exactly. I buy that, yeah, he, he is. Mm-hmm. This will not, this will not bear out. Being raised by Frank Transporter and his French police wife, yeah, no, perfect. He beats up these guys, it's a decent fight scene. One of them has a taser, one of them has a knife, Frank takes the knife off one of them and throws it at the other guy and does hit him with it, which is a bit strong. He doesn't kill anyone, but he does-

He not lethals everyone else, but he does throw that knife at a guy. Yeah, that guy is gonna have to go to the emergency room. There is one bit that I like, when the first guy pulls the knife on him, he like, takes the knife away from him with like a shopping bag. And the other guys in the kind of ambiguously Balkan mugging crew all laugh at that guy, and it's like, oh, you're giving social anxiety, man, you can't do that. Like, fucking up the robbery so bad your own boys are laughing at you. Yeah. He does give them every... he gives them a lot of warnings and stuff, so... Frank

doesn't kill people, he's like Batman, which I quite like, tends not to. He leaves them all kind of rolling on the floor. He uncle chops one of the guys, which I really like. He's like Batman. And that's what I like. He leaves them all kind of like rolling on the floor. He uncle chops one of the guys, which I really like. I'm like, yes. There was an expandable baton as well involved. And I'm always a fan of those. I always think there should be more of those. He puts on what might well be the worst pair of sunglasses in the world. These are terrible. They don't suit his face shape at all. Awful. Gets in his car and drives away.

Yeah. He drives through the French Riviera, very nice, nice to film in. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Same as the Johnny English ones, where it's just like, you guys just wanted to work somewhere nice, huh? Yeah. Somewhere nice, if you will. But it's like, he arrives at the British Consulate, and I

go, this wants to be a Bond movie. It's weird how much this wants to be a Bond movie. Yes, it really does. Because he's got to pick up his dad. His dad! And I was like, oh to be a Bond movie. It's weird how much this wants to be a Bond movie. Yes, it really does. Because he's gotta pick up his dad. His dad! And I was like, oh yes, let's go. Jason Statham in an elder statesman role, of course. His dad is gonna be Jason- no. No. It's some cunt who is not Jason Statham, and at that point I'm not interested, you know. It's Ray Stevenson. Fine. Yes. Good actor, now sadly dead I think. He died at work, he like died on set for something else. Oh my god. Not this, but sorry. Did

they get the shot though? Hard to say, I mean I don't think it was a very good movie is the problem. He was filming Casino in Ischia I believe. I don't even know where in Ischia, anyway. It's an Italian island. He's doing kind of Russell Crowe, but like, a vain... Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. He's kind of like discounting Roger Allum. It's good, it's a good performance, isn't it?

The first episode of the Ahsoka series is dedicated to him. Damn, hell yeah. I would have loved a better series to be dedicated to me, but that's just, that's fine. That's totally fine. Um, he is not. He is simply not Frank Mayen Sr. I'm sorry. No, he's fine, that's totally fine. Um, he is not. He is simply not Frank Bynes Sr. I'm sorry. I'm fucking great. He's not meant to be Jason Sutherland.

It's ambiguous in the thing, until the plot spools out a bit more, whether or not he's Frank Transporter, the original one, and his son's following in his footsteps, or he's just some guy and this is really a re-re-boot. Like, they've re-ed the boot here. Yeah, they really have. But he's just retired, and now he's gonna come and live in France. Their relationship is a little bit frosty. They kind of both know what the other one does for a living, so Frank Sr. used to be a spy. He's James Bond. He's retired James Bond.

He's Geralt of Rivia in the Blood and Wine DLC. He's like a Bon Vivre now. He is, yes. He likes his wine, he likes women also, in a kind of sleazy way. Yeah. And he knows that his son is the transporter from the Transporter movies. I know you've been transporting, son. Oh, dad.

I've been transporting. He also gives him a real hard time about being like, 38 seconds late, and he has another line because this is a... It's a line movie. There's several degrees of early and only one degree of late, and that's too late. Masterful. Get out of the car. Shut up. Give me another scene. A very dad thing to say though.

Show me Anna. Yeah, cut back to the fucking people we actually like. Yeah. So, there's two Russian gangsters in a hotel there, impatiently waiting to meet a girl. The girls here are Gina and Kia, and then when Gina walks in, she's... or is it Maria? I forget. But anyway. They're like alarmingly bald Russian gangster gives them a hard time about being late as

well and I'm like, this is fucking like middle school here. Like Belle doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you ass. Sort of delay on set when Luc Besson was writing this? Yeah, whatever. And then they just fucking kill both these gangsters with a silenced pistol, which I like. Yeah. My note just says, alarmingly bald man killed. They search his inventory for his keys.

They stand next to his body and press square. Yeah, it flies up into their inventory. They're speaking to each other this whole time, and at this point the accents are out of control, because it's two slightly different dialects of model combined with we have big flanguy and at this point it's like it's worse than eurovision scoring i'm just like lately i'm like looking forward at the screen like what corner shape uri vision so after they kill uh after they kill these two russian gangsters they have a third sex worker's corpse stashed in the closet, and did you take a couple lines to explain, we did not kill this woman, she died of a heroin overdose?

ALICE She's just in a suit carrier, like that guy from GCHQ, it's um... So they kick her out of the thing, and... SONIA They plant the necklace on her. ALICE Yes. SONIA The carers have the necklace, and then they set the room on fire, and then they kiss. ALICE How do they set the room on fire, and then they kiss. How do they set the room on fire? There's a little take me to this.

So this is confusing, so they start by filling the sink and they put a towel in so as to block the, y'know, the drain, so it overflows, and I was like, smart, that makes sense. And then they, uh, the towel is hanging down to the ground, and they spray it with lighter fluid and set fire to it, and I don't know why they turned the tap on at all, I have no idea why that factors into the idea. ALICE They throw like a hairdryer into the sink to start like an electrical fire. RILEY You're so right. Yeah, yeah, they just, yeah, interesting.

Fine. ALICE Very odd. And also, as, this ruse will be immediately discovered later on, because the two gangsters have been shot in the head, and the police will notice this, but anyway. And then as this room is on fire they kiss, on the mouth, and I'm like, gay! Gay! Gay! Frees, fingers crossed.

Alright Luke, alright, you're cooking. What have you got here? This is where the group chat, both of you are like, uh, okay, this rules. Yeah, I'm back on board. It's so over. I said I'm back on board here. Yeah, same. Yeah, and the movie kind of yanks on the chain quite said I'm back on board here. Yeah. And the movie kind of yanks on the chain quite a bit in the first act to do that.

Yeah, I think the only thing I've said in the group chat about this movie is getting queerbaited by Luke Vesnawn as losing a chest to a dog. It is. And I did lose. We go to Frank Transporter's house, where his, it's like a horrible landlord new build type beat. Awful. Good cheap filming location, though, just an Airbnb. Just rent that for a day. His dad's doing, like, dad stuff, like being like, I don't know how to work the coffee

machine. Coffee flavored coffee? Yeah, and it's not a coffee machine, it's a fruit, it's a Juicero or something. You should get married. Yeah. Said you should get married. Yeah. You should get a woman in here. Mmhmm. And the thing is, his dad's cover is that he worked for Evian, the French water company.

And you can tell because there's a shot of, like, a bottle of Evian in every scene. And you ask how much did Evian kick in for this, and I don't know the answer to that, but they get a lot of promo in this. Yeah. Yeah. Don't nod. Yeah. Frank gets a call from Anna and it's like, I'm looking for a transporter, I hear you're a transporter. And he's like, yeah, that's me. I'll meet you at this place. At this point,

I need to, I'm sorry to whoever edited this film, but I am going to track you down. Someone write this film? Yeah, someone did. A man did. I don't know that, but I know it from watching the film that a man did this. Because we now cut to Karazov's yacht where he's hanging out with his boy. This is the funniest show I've ever seen. Oh yeah, because it's PG-13, we can say prostitution, but all of these guys actually seem to do, and this recurs, is I've hired and slash, like, uh, you know, dominated these beautiful

women to stand around listlessly in lingerie in front of me. NICOLAS Yeah. They are... SEAN I'm really sorry. I just pulled up who the editor was. It's Julian Ray, Ray with an E, and I pulled this up on IMDb and it says Julian Ray is known for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Lucy 2014 and Anna 2019. Three dog shit movies. Great one, man. You love that track. Amazing.

Great. Great. Official James Bond position. Named person. You're going to have to play that. No, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. But I do think, and to be fair, the script is also not your friend here, but this is some fucking misogyny because we see these three women dancing around, listlessly dancing in lingerie and maybe a director of photography too, you're on the list because so many of the shots here, you will have instead of just like a normal mid or like an embassy, like a mid close up of the actor who's speaking, you will have that.

And then in the kind of like far third of the frame, you'll just have like a woman's ass. And it's like, these women are literally props. They are literally part of the set dressing. And like, you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have a film, like is the film telling us that the exploitation of these women is apparent and villainous or are you telling us that it is sexy? And it is disgusting to me. They do it to Hannah a bunch later on. I have a different complaint, which is that they

show us a bunch of flashbacks to people we saw 12 minutes ago. Yes. To like reestablish who they were. Because we introduce Karasov again and then we get a flashback to the last scene he was in, but functionally what this means is... He had long hair. Alright, don't worry. That's the funniest part, is doing a flashback to the same guy when he had a worse haircut. And then I go, okay, yeah, sure, fine.

But then we reintroduce all three of his boys, and they all get flashbacks too! Yeah. He's got two boys, one of whom is Yuri who's bald, and the other one, as far as I can tell, is Ben Shapiro. Yeah. I believe so. And he gets a flashback. They all get flashbacks to reestablish that these are the guys from the start, and it's

like, I know! I just saw it! Yeah. And then we also get my Issa there, and she gets a flashback! 12 minutes of screen time ago I last saw these people. And then we also get Mahisa there and she gets a flat back. Yeah. 12 minutes of screen time ago I last saw these people. I'm sorry, was I going to confuse the one person of color in your script with anybody else?

Yeah. Also he's got the big logo above his head. We know who this guy is. I just use the name just hanging over his head. Yeah. Mahisa gets the call and then we cut across town and we have Kharazov identifying the burned corpses of the guys from the hotel room. And they're like, oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. God, this cop, this cop should have been Tarkoni. It should have been Tarkoni.

I really hoped not. Right. I was, this cop left so little impression on me that later on when they mentioned like some French police inspector from Nice is coming, I'm like, oh boy, let me reintroduce the Tarkoni, I'm genuinely excited to meet the new one. No. No. No. No Tarkoni, tragic. This cop is like, yo, everybody knows that you're Khorazov, you're the villain of the movie, why is this girl dead in a hotel room with your logo around her neck, and also these two corpses who've been burned and shot? And he's like, I don't know, I am legitimate businessman. Do not ask me questions. And he's like, anyway, somebody killed your mans and one of your girls is involved. So we're on to you, you piece of shit.

He's like, he's like threatens him in a way that's like, don't conduct a parallel investigation that's going to drive the plus of the movie. You better not. He's like, okay, I won't. And he does not. And he doesn't come back. He comes back once at the end, but other than that, no effect. Not Jason Statham, Frank Transporter, goes to meet Anna. And he tries to... they try to do Bond with it.

It's so embarrassing. They try and do Smug, and it fucking sucks. These two actors have chemistry, but this script is just like, oh, in the same way that like table salt has chemistry, you know? Yeah. I'm kind of grateful that I can't hear half the lines at this point. So Frank has, uh, he has his three rules as you know, the normal ones. He reintroduces his three rules, get ready for those to come back up.

Yeah, never. Frank Transporter, don't tell me your name. I won't tell you mine, shit, I just did. Don't change the deal, and I won't open the package. The deal doesn't change, and I don't wanna know what's in the package. That's the three rules. She's like, you're gonna transport me in two packages from this location to Monte Carlo tonight, is that cool?

Also, this is the middle of the day and Frank orders a whiskey, so no drunk driving is apparently not one of Frank's rules, which is very funny He knows that he doesn't drink it once he finds out that he's gonna be working in three hours time so he's just... GARETH That's kind of interesting, yeah that's fine. You know what? Pretty good character. ALICE Presumably he drove to get here though. ALICE The transporter films take a kind of like pro-road safety approach, there's also a bit earlier where he like scolds his dad for for talking on the phone while he's driving. Yeah, yeah, he says, aren't you gonna get that?

And he goes, I don't use the phone while I'm driving. He goes, I don't use the phone while I'm driving. All right, man, cool. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Sick. She specifically says it's gonna be her and 104 kilograms of packages. Mm-hmm.

And that's like, what, two models? Yeah, that's exactly two models. Yeah, we will exactly two models. We will get their exact weights later on. Don't worry about that. Cool. Meanwhile, Frank's dad is purchasing an expensive bottle of wine, and he's being a jammy cunt while he does it.

He is. Annoying. The really funny bit is... Oh yeah, so you go ahead. The guy goes, oh this is like a 900 euro bottle of wine Maybe I can get you something something cheaper and and he goes like oh, that's so expensive mimes as if to drop it by accident Yeah, and is then like no, it's fine. I'll get this is this okay slides the platinum amex across the thing It's like no takes amex. We don't take amex my

Obviously, we don't take a master card like get a visa You can't have amex. Visa or MasterCard, like they don't. Can you please get a Visa? Yes. You can't have a 900 bottle of- fuck, cut that. You can't have a 900 dollar bottle of wine on a fucking Amex. No. You'll get a lot of amaz with it, though. So Frank can't meet him for dinner, so he's like, oh shit, I guess I'll just have to share this nice bottle of wine with this 10 out of 10 blonde model.

He's got car trouble by the side of the road. Can I help you, ma'am? Yeah. Oh, I guess I need a broad and just like locks onto the nearest woman. It's just like, that'll be the one. The nearest woman is an obviously model who is like leaning over like my car's broken and my tits are really big and I can't see the car engine over my massive tits. I'm here on a yeah, I'm here diplomatically from the nation of model and I'm here, my car's fucking broken down. There's a little flag on the boot.

I'm trying to get to the model embassy. But yeah, so obviously Frank Sr. engages like Mission Impossible nonce protocol and like beelines towards her. Yeah. protocol and like, B-lines towards her. And she goes, oh, my tits are stuffing me from driving and while his back's turned, tazers him, which is the correct response. Shut him in the boot. I love it. A British person speaking to you. This is Maria, who is model number four in this gang of four. So that's cool.

Frank waits outside the bank, Anna comes out in a cocktail dress and a blonde wig. Mm-hmm. Frank waits outside the bank, Anna comes out in a cocktail dress and a blonde wig. Two identically dressed and wigged women get in. This is Gina and Keir. This is all shot for shot the first bank robbery scene from Transporter 1. It is. And additionally, if I had a penny for every time we've discussed a poorly considered 2010's reboot of an early 2000 film series that prominently features three women dressed identically to full security cameras, I would have two pennies! It's weird that that happened twice. In blonde wigs. In blonde wigs.

Same haircut, actually, I think. If we're still in the building when security does their next sweep, we're all going to French Riviera prison. We're all going to model prison. Damn, I hope so. I would love to go to- tell me how I go to model prison. You have to commit model crimes. It's actually brutal.

God, no, model island is not a democracy. They make you eat. It's a contocracy. It's whoever's cuntiest is just in charge. The prison food, it exists. They make you eat it. If you do model crimes. Oh my god.

It's really fattening, prison food at model island. It's really fattening prison food and model lines. It's just like really fattening. Getting issued your prison clothes then it's like some incredible heels and like some tape. Every woman in this movie is beautiful but in a model way, right? It's like the culmination of transporter series' thing of like adventures in model casting. And I've learned that it works okay when you give a model like an actual like big part the only problem is that maybe they can't act and they walk like a model if you give models every female part it's like I would like some acting please.

I do like the actor who plays Anna, she does a good performance but anyway. Yeah. But so the two girls get in the car and and Anna's like, these are my two packages, I'm making you break your second rule. ZACH I'm making you break your third rule! I hate this movie. Frank Transporter is a man with free rules, and every movie is like, how quickly can we get those rules out of the fucking way so we can do the movie, and it's just like, WRITE

A MOVIE WITH THE RULES IN! Like, why is it- step one, it like, all right, these are our two packages. You now know what the packages are, rule three broken. My name's Anna, by the way, rule one broken. And the deal has obviously changed. So get fucked. Are you gonna do the movie or what? Why is Frank in this, like-

What is happening? Why can't any of these women drive? This is a reboot. You wrote this like fucking 10 years after the previous one. You hadn't had a single thought of how to incorporate the fucking rules into the movie, in an interesting and fun way.

Luke Besson? I did have a thought though, which is when she's doing it, like these are my two packages, they weigh like 55kg and like whatever, I don't do maths. It adds up to 104kg. Just Frank doing the thing from Transporter 1 and being like, one of you weighs one kilogram too much for the shocks that I had installed on that. PYRO Yeah, just be like, one of you has to kill yourself now! NICOLAS Yeah, again, they're models, they're used

to this. PYRO But he's not in control of the scene, Anna is, so he's instead getting the one sweating and stressing out, because the cops have walked over. is, so he's instead getting the one sweating and stressing out, because the cops have walked over. ALICE Yeah, and she shows him, in full view of the cop, by the way, video on her phone that's like, hey, it's your dad, he's been kidnapped. RILEY Yeah, what's up?

ALICE By our sort of like, red brigade of models. RILEY By Maria. Yeah, by Maria. And we're gonna kill him unless you do what we say, so Frank's like, ah, shit, okay. ALICE I'm too excited, and I hope you think it's dignified for the protagonist of this movie to be saying the phrase, my dad, about- Constantly. 50 times a second. He's so fucking dad-oriented in this movie. It's crazy. He loves his dad, yeah. Despite the fact that he's not getting on, seemingly.

We do have a pretty well shot and edited and performed car chase. Yes, we do. We've seen this car chase before, it's the same one from Transport of One, but like... Very well credits to you. We have, we have, we have silly little Monogasc police cars. We do, we do. Like, four of them. Uh, and we get a really, really good, like, we're not really good, but we get a good car chase.

And what I will say is, you know how I asked earlier, how much do you think Evian kicked in for this movie? I guess Evian kicked in a lot for Steam Jacks, because they flip every single silly little police car that they are given. They also get chased by motorcycles and a stuntman comes off a motorcycle and does a cool slide. I'm like, the stunt team had a great time on this one. We like a silly little European police motorcycle. That's a novelty. We love stunts and these have some good stunts. It's like, they crashed a lot of cars. It's like B-Man G.DOT driving here. It's good. It's good. It's good. And it's sort of, you get hit with, or at least I get hit with the kind of hauntology of you will never be driving a silly little police car in Monaco, but given how the driving goes for them, maybe that's for the best.

Yeah. Frank does go to a roundabout and perfectly knocks all the fire hydrants around it, so that they spray water and cause the motorcycle cops to crash, and on my notes say, ha ha ha, la mal. Yeah, that's just cool. You get a crash zoom on a fire hydrant that makes me laugh out loud. Yeah. Fucked like a seal. ALICE Every dog in the audience is like, damn, I gotta piss.

ALICE Then we have my favorite thing that happens in the movie, because it's conceptually the funniest thing. One of the things that we've seen about Frank Transporter's black, very nondescript black Audi S8, is that he has still the James Bond, uh, like, number plate changing thing that changes the number plate. And we know that the cops have the description of his car, which is, you know, the black Audi S8. He goes in, he goes into like a garage and he's like, we've got to change cars. So they get out of the car that can change number plates into, out of the black Audi S8 into, to completely avoid suspicion, a dark grey Audi S8.

RILEY I love movies. What are you- yeah, interesting. Interesting. ALICE Magnificent. And then he presses the button on his keys that blows up his car, and I'm like, this is a really funny way to tell me that you have like a block of semtex in your car the whole time. RILEY Yeah.

And then he throws the detonator into a bin and that also blows up, which is quite funny. Because I was about to write down what about the detonator and then that blows up and I'm like, okay, all right, you thought about this. Okay. You're walking around with so much explosives on you. It's like a man from Uncle Agent rigged to the nines with Semtex up it. Yeah. He's got a dead cord. Nice high beams in my rearview mirror. I say as I move my hand to the blow up my car, killing us both instantly. All my suits are fucking tailored with fucking like,

dead cord. Worst case scenario, I'm just, I'm gone. I blow the clothes off, I guess. My dead cord necktie. If I just fire off, instantly decapitating myself. Yeah, you're like a magical uncle agent. You activated by yanking the necktie really hard. You pull two buttons on your suit together and they explode? Like, yeah.

People don't know this, people don't know this, but Frank Transporter is made primarily of tannerite. And so every time somebody fights him it's so dangerous. That's why he doesn't use guns. Oh god, that's good. Oh, but the payoff for this is we get to a warehouse where Frank's dad is hanging out being an old cunt. Yeah.

Yeah, they've got him a pint, like an old timey pint. Yeah. Cool. All right. Maria kind of implies that she fucked his dad. Not really sure what that's all about, but she's here too. Anna's like, look, I've got a new deal for you. Okay. At this point, the girls in the background just start changing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is just shown again. These women are props. Just in the shots. They're like most prominent things in their hideout are clothes racks. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. The whole rest of the scene, there is like a woman dressing or undressing and it's really exploitative and it's really grim. They say, well, we've poisoned your dad. He's got 12 hours to live, play ball or we're gonna, we'll kill you both. The way, the way that she does this is so good because she's like, oh, you think we're

stupid? I've got this big cooler over here and as she opens it up I hear the Sylvesa Kristal thing in my head. She's like, no, no, no, we, in fact, have big plan. We've got these vials, right? Your dad has been poisoned, like in the Transporter 2? Probably. Yeah. And if he doesn't get the antidote in 12 hours, he will die. So you've got to do what we say. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, cool. At this point, Karazov has rounded up. Yeah, again, like there are 10, 10 out of 10 smoke shows lined up in a warehouse and

that's a hundred smoke points. That's a lot. And Maitse has basically lined up these 10 models who I guess auditioned to play the other girls and didn't get it. And said these are our suspects. These are all the girls we have and by process of elimination, the four girls were after on here, which means that these 10 women are literally set dressing. Just there for them to be like, well, these aren't the ones we want.

Just standing there in a warehouse in their heels. Yeah. It's model lineup, like every day in model prison. Yeah, like at the start of Clute. We missed a scene which was, um, uh, Karasov going to the bank with Maesa and investigating. And the only reason I mention that is because we get a line as they're looking at the CCTV of these women who are all wearing the same blonde wigs.

They all look exactly the same. You cannot tell them apart. Yeah. Cool man, yeah. Economy of... yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, man. We're all going to model prison.

He kind of works out who the three girls who are, like, robbing him are, by process of elimination. Meanwhile, back at the Surveys of Crystal hideout, Frank is trying to figure this shit out and he goes, oh, that's weird, there's three of you, and I've just found this copy of, like, easy reading for small children who can't read good, the Three Musketeers, and he goes, oh, like, Alexander Dumas. ALICE Yes. Yes.

RILEY Certainly, brother. ALICE Yes. RILEY He's also very very conspicuous placement of a bottle of Grey Goose vodka in this scene. Right at the front of the table. ALICE Yeah, is that like an Evian brand, or were they also paying for the steam jacks? RILEY Gotta assume they were also, but you don't

know actually. Also, in this scene, Anna's in her underwear! For no reason. For no fucking reason. ALICE It just occurs to me, since this is, y'know, as he's figuring out the Alexander Dumas angle, this is gold member. Like... GARETH It's a little bit, isn't it?

ALICE It's the, your dad bracket spy has been kidnapped. We've captured your dad. That's a plot point last seen in Goldmember, specifically. Yeah it is. The whole time Frank Transport is senior, you know what, I'm glad it wasn't Jason Statham. Cause the script has him exuding nonce energy at like a point seven five of a late stage more. Like it's terrifying.

He's just in there making, just this oleaginous fucker just vaguely making innuendos in every scene he's in. Like, I don't, I'm glad that isn't Jason Statham. Yeah, cause we know that he's gay and asexual and transgender. Yeah, exactly. He wouldn't be tempted by these women at all. It would've been very funny to have all these models trying to fuck him and he's just like, no.

Huh? I don't want to. Do you fucking mind? They just keep licking his big bald head and he's like, stop. Stop it. Stop it. I only care about my car. Rule four, stop don't lick my head.

Never lick a man's head in his car. Rule four, stop slapping me on the head. Let's do it. Never look at my hands in his car. RULE FIVE. Just have fun with it. Yeah, yeah. So, you know what, I don't know where I am, I'm just gonna read the Wikipedia synopsis really quickly. I think this is the bit where he talks, where, like, Frank Jr.

They go to a hospital. Yeah. They do, they go to a hospital. LIAM Yeah. RILEY They do, they go to hospital, yeah. ALICE He talks to Anna briefly about, like, how she got into this, and she's like, oh, I got sex trafficked from Eastern Europe. When I was 12, so we're explicitly being like, Karasov is like, a pedophile. So when she was 12, Luc Besson was like, damn, I could marry that in three years' time, which is legal in France. RILEY Yes. RILEY He's got a little card that has the man who abused them.

And the way that this movie is written and shot and edited is such that the women in it are also objects of sexual fantasy. And I, for one, feel very uncomfortable that Luc Besson has written this scenario, which would probably be a nightmare for some men. You could just do like... Being hunted down by the women and they sexually abuse his children. I don't like that he's written that scenario and seems to be getting off on it.

I think that is disgusting. He keeps making a change in the background of shots and things like that. You could have done a Lady Vengeance here instead, but you didn't. If Luc Besson had done the things of which he was accused, then I would be saying, this is some O.J. Simpson shit. Yes, for real. Yes. For real.

But of course I'm not saying that because he was acquitted. Because of course he feared of all charges. Mr. Acquitted of all charges, yes. Yeah. Believe as much of that as is necessary. So at this point, she goes, do you want to come to the to the County Model Hospital with me? From the Transporter 2? From the Transporter 2.

From the Transporter 2. The hospital? The Transporter 2. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, sure. And there's a bit where he has to dress up as a doctor, and she is a patient, in order to infiltrate the hospital, to get to one room where they store all of their gases. The gas storage room.

Yeah. This is where they store the gas, yeah. He pretends to be an anesthetist, he pretends to be my brother, and heists some gas! Welcome back to the podcast, gas! Welcome back, gas. Yeah, we're big fans of gas. One of my favorite states of matter. Gas we love to see, gas. Yeah, and so he goes, I'm doing...

Love that working man from Uncle. I'm doing a surgery on this woman, to which guy does not say, yeah, I bet you fucking are on account of how she looks like a model. And and goes, okay, yeah, sure. Just do the most basic bit of like, sort of like record keeping just sign sign sign here and put your stamp here. Just sign goes, bong, his head off the thing. Unprovoked violence. This guy is in a hospital. He you would have been able to get out of that situation easily, I think, without doing that. Well, Frank's signature is just the Audi logo, so it's quite conspicuous. Just reading this like, ooo. Who's Doctor Oooo? Help me Doctor Oooo. Old Soviet joke about Brezhnev opening the 80 Olympics, where he starts the speech

and he goes, oh, oh, oh, and then a guy comes up and whispers in his ear, like, those are the Olympic rings, you don't have to read them. So yeah, so, he bonks the guy's head off the thing and he gets the gas. And then they take off the disguises in order to leave the hospital, which I... okay, sure. Um, meanwhile, back at the, back at the, uh, hideout, Frank Sr. is flirting with Gina. He identifies her accent as Long-Doc, she's from the Long-Doc region of France, but he mispronounces it Long-Gee-Doc. And on my notes, say, what is it with this series and mispronouncing famous European

wine producing regions? Because I would have two pennies. He does do this. He says he knows the Basque country very well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. Last time we got Tokaj and I'm like, no. Because he's horrible. He is dying and actively still trying to hit. And so he's like... I mean, if I had 12 hours to live... Hmm. But like he's like... I'd shoot my shot with models, why not?

Yeah, I guess so. When I was a spy, I used to be in the Longy Dock all the time, because of its aerospace industry, and then he says something incomprehensible about helicopter turbo shafts? Yeah, I didn't get this one either. And she's like, oh, that's cool. Then they bond over cooking, which again is like, Luc Besson including his own kinks and stuff. It's like Madeleine's or whatever. Yeah. And they're about to make out when they are interrupted. Yeah, we have to be told, we've got the gas, we're going to stage two.

Yeah, yeah. This guy flirts with a model and eats shit, very much like me, that one time I flitted with a model on a plane and she ended up on a billboard opposite my house. Mocked. I know, I told this story on the podcast a while ago, and what I did not tell you was that she did end up on a billboard opposite my house and then later one model of the year. And I felt very bad about it. Fuck. And I might not say I feel like that scene exists just so we don't have an explicitly

lesbian couple. I believe so. Yeah, we'll get there. Which sucks. So one of the other models hires some road men off the street. Like Assassin's Creed Brotherhoods? I wrote like Ezio Auditore picking up hirelings in Rome! I wrote that down!

Synchronized! Recruiting a group of racially threatening goons with the ease of Ezio Auditore picking up hirelings in Rome. Just walks up to him with some money and goes, do any of you guys speak English? And they all go, no, in English. And he says, who wants to make, who wants to make a thousand dollars?

And they all go, yes, let's go. And just start following her like baby ducklings. Fantastic. That's the scene. Next. Yes, beautiful, beautiful. So she goes, she goes to a hotel bar and she meets a, she meets a pilot That's the scene. Next! Yes. Beautiful. Beautiful. So she goes to a hotel bar, and she meets a pilot and starts flirting with him, and

then takes him back to her hotel room, and then steals his uniform at gunpoint, and then he's now being held hostage by these guys. Cool. Karazov calls his boys Yuri and Ben Shapiro. Because he's, uh, because we've got to use women as set dressing, you get a woman kind of like listlessly writhing around in lingerie while he's on the phone, it's like, that's gotta be so distracting. That's my easter.

Like, can you stop? Sorry. They're in the hot tub. Can you stop? I'm on the phone. Babe, can you, like, seriously, please stop? Can you calm down? Like, yeah.

They're in the hot tub and she's just like, her ass is just out, and it's like, again, editing. I would be distracted. Yeah. You'd hope. Anyway. I don't know what happens next, because my only next note is just nightclub level. Nightclub level, yeah, because this is a Hitman movie.

It is. It's only a video game movie, you can tell, there's so discreet levels. Yeah. Key influences here, Hitman, James Bond. Yep. Yep. Yep. And so this is Jermaine for us.

There is a nightclub where legally not Deadmau5 is playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The music is kind of imitative of Deadmau5 as well, where he's got like a big cat head on. 2015. We get some, just establishing shots of the nightclub and the dance floor to set the scene. And one of the shots here is two women on the dance floor making out, and again, you have literally used queer women as set dressing.

Male gaze. I mean, lesbians of course are female gaze. Yeah, I could do with some fucking male gaze in this movie. Yeah, I'll say. Yeah. Like Frankays in this movie. Yeah, I'll say. Yeah. Like Frank Transporter. Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah, Frank Transporter! Frank Transporter goes in with the gas.

Yes. He hits so many people with that gas canister and I'm like, you are going to dent it? Yeah. Dude. That's pressurism. Yeah. It's his Ben Shapiro's club. He's watching on the monitors. Frank swaps out the fog machine for anesthetic, because it's an his Ben Shapiro's club. He's watching on the monitors.

Frank swaps out the fog machine for anesthetic, because it's an anesthetic gas that they stole. Gina and Kia make out on the dance floor, again, doesn't seem to be a reason for this beyond the fact that- Two distinct lesbian makeouts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beyond the fact that it's set dressing. And so everybody gets fucking gassed. Well this is the fun thing about the gas, is when I'm thinking about a nightclub fog machine, I want that fog machine to let out into the boss's office, the toilets, which

is where the girls are changing into remarkably not very cool gas masks. Yeah, I thought you'd say that, I didn't think they were very cool either, and I was like I don't think these gas masks are cool, November's gonna hate them. They seem lame to a layman. Yeah, but crucially the fog machine does not let out into one back storage room, into which you do get a perfect Hitman joke, because Frank has like bonked a guy over the head with a gas, right? And then he's dragging the body into the storage room, and he realizes he has dragged the body

into an occupied room where there are three guys playing poker, and he just has the guy out of the arms. Yeah. There's a couple of grunters in there, pretty good. and he just has the guy under the arms. Yeah. There's a couple of grunters in there, pretty good. They get him. It's a good joke. So the door shuts behind him, it's locked, one of the guys has the key, we have to do a fight scene.

Obviously. Meanwhile outside, outside they're fucking like FSB Russian Opera sieging the club, all these guys are just like collapsing and keeling over. I'm like, you have probably killed like a dozen of these people instantly. Yeah, but I hope none of them are allergic to anesthetic. Frank does matrix shit with pipes, might not say, hey, have you seen the matrix? Yeah, the pipes are also very foam and very bendy. Yes, just-

Yes they are. It's just not as good as the fire hose. Like it's- Yeah, they're trying to do the fire hose thing again! You're right, you're so right! He whips people's balls with a cable and it's like, you're trying to relive the glory days. It's also like, part of the glory days- Transported to. Part of the glory days, and why the glory days were good, is because the movie seemed to be horny about Frank, right?

It observed his, like, his body as a kind of,, you know, subject for violence rather than a like, you know, thing that does it and he doesn't, I'll tell you this, he never gets a shirt ripped off in this movie. Not once. He does it. He takes it off voluntarily later. And he's like clean. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand. If I don't want to have anything to do with a man, but if I do, he has to be grimy. He has to be oily. He has to be like ideally covered in blood and ideally it's his own blood. Maybe he's crying a bit. It's perfect. I'm with you on all of these. He also needs to be a little bit fatter too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs to struggle. Yeah. I mean, no, this is not me body shaming Ed Screen. When we do see his body later, he's obviously in good shape, but he's in the good shape that you get from like, being a Nazi about your body fat percentage. Yeah, he's in the good shape where you haven't drunk water for like three days or whatever. Don't do that to Ed Screene, leave him alone. There's an arc with action stars where it's like where they're getting slightly older and the hairline's receding and they're running to fat a little bit, but they're also still in really good shape, like before it gets full seagull.

That's good, that, you know, that pleases me. Anyway, they do the fire hose bit again, I write down the movie isn't horny enough about Frank, they do one good fight scene in this, which is the draws bit. Yeah, that is cool. And really it feels like a second run at something they tried to do in Transporter 2, I think? Cause they tried, or it might have been 1 even, there's a bit where he's fighting in between two shipping containers and it's a really narrow area.

And we go, that's conceptually cool, but nothing really comes of it. Here it's like, oh, all the walls are like big, um, sort of... ALICE Violet cabinets. ALICE Yeah. And so he's punching people's hands into drawers and like breaking people's arms using drawers and stuff. It's good, that rules. That's good, yeah, 100%.

Meanwhile the girls go into Ben Shapiro's office, and they steal his fingerprints and then use the fingerprints to steal 100 million euros from him. Yes. Hell yeah, Queens. As they're leaving, Frank is keeping them waiting because he's still fighting. And they call him on the phone to be like, hey, by the way, the phone they use for this is the iPhone alarm noise, which made me check my phone every time. Fuck you, Luc Besson.

Yeah, same. But so they call him and they're like, where are you? And he is fighting the last two guys. And what he does is he instantly predicament bondages them. He puts them in a kind of a sore situation. That is maybe unprovoked violence again. SONIA Yeah, so it seems a little bit cruel. So one of them is hanging upside down from the ceiling by a cable which is tied around the other one's neck. ALICE Yeah. Yes.

That's not very safe. Yeah. Cause like, in order to get out of that, well, you gotta wait for the guy who's upside down to come around and cut himself down, otherwise that other guy's gonna get hanged, but yeah, whatever. Plus, you know, everyone else in the building has been either beaten unconscious or, uh, gassed. Yeah, gassed.

So, yeah, that's, that's, that's not- And so Frank goes, he goes back out to the alley where the girls are waiting for him by the car, this is the moment where you should show him covered in grease and filth and beaten up and panting, and then you have one of them go, damn. That's how you, that's how you make Frank sexy, but instead they're just like, oh there you are, let's go, let's leave. Mm-hmm. It's like, oh, it's Frank, cool.

And then Frank has to do a kind of moving screen level? Yeah, he like puts the car in drive, and lets it roll while he walks out in front of it and beats up guys in such a way that they, like he's keeping pace with the car, while all of these women freak out and bicker. And to be clear, the stakes here are, they roll into a gate at like three miles an hour. But the whole time they're like, screaming. It's... Yeah, it's quite odd.

Yeah, I don't know. This one could have been good. Could have. Wasn't, unfortunately. Frank drives around the last henchman, which I do like when he gets back in the car. He doesn't drive over him. He could. He chooses not to kill.

He does, yeah. Now he is non-violent, well, non-violent Now he is non-violent. Well, not violent. He's non-lethal for the most of us. He's on the Batman arc, which is like, I'm not gonna set out to kill anyone, but I'm gonna put people in situations where they're probably gonna fucking die. Yeah. And don't really do it. I'm not trying to kill anyone, but if I'm fighting for too long, my adrenaline does

get up and I use a finishing move on someone, that there's no way it's non-lethal. Yeah. Yeah, plus the whole like stringing people up from the rafters thing is very bad. I could've stopped doing that, yeah. So the other henchman, Mr. Bald, he lives on his private plane. Mr. Yuri, I believe. They call me Mr. Yuri. Bald, bald Mr. Yuri.

He like lives on his plane. I just got that joke, damn. And then we go, oh, that's where you kidnapped the pilot. And so the new pilot comes in and it's Frank Sr. Yes. With Maria. And he goes, this is bullshit, let me call my old pilot, and we cut to the old pilot

in his apartment at gunpoint being made to call into work, to which I say you wouldn't have to hold me at gunpoint, but crucially we have the thugs, we have the thugs showing him the lyrics to Subterranean Homesick Blues. Like dropping, like holding up the signs like love actually. He's reading off the script and like, yes I highly recommend this pilot, he's really good. Well the thing is, if none of them speak English, what's to tell them to hold up the signs in that order? Because they're not numbered or anything.

Yeah, were they given them in a stack or did they? Maria must have just planned all this out. See, Lucas on Caduceus set up a payoff, like this is, you know? Yeah, for sure. It works. And so the guy's like, alright fine, you're hired, get me a prominent bottle of Grey Goose, into which... It's champagne.

It's champagne. Maria Drugs is champagne in Oxxamam. I think it might be Dom Perignon, or at the very least it comes out of a Dom Perignon bottle. Meanwhile, at this point, Frank Senior is up front doing Nathan Fielder shit in the cockpit. The copilot is just a civilian. Yeah. Normal type guy.

He's like, you can talk to me, you know, if you think something's gone wrong. Yeah. When Uri is knocked out by the drugs, Maria takes his fingerprint so that she can steal the money too, which is cool. Frank's dad uncle chops the co-pilot, which I like. What is this movie? What's this series problems with pilots? Yeah. Shuffling the one guy in the cockpit of a moving aircraft. Like it's on the ground, but it's like, it's taxiing, right? RILEY Yeah, instant Christine Rosette for Frank Sr. ALICE Absolutely! RILEY The driver of the vehicle that he's in!

ALICE The attacking car! GARETH Always, always a fucking dream every time. ALICE Yeah, yeah! ALICE So, so, so, they figure out, like, at air traffic control that something is wrong here, and they dispatch the silly little French gendarmerie cars. I am spoiled for choice. This is good. In silly little French cars. This is ideal, thank you. The copilot falls on the controls, so the plane is speeding up now. And so the plan was originally for Frank Sr. and Maria to just jump out the bottom and just walk away,

but they're going too fast now. So Frank has to chase them down the runway and get underneath the plane and open the sunroof so that they can jump in. In the course of doing this, one of them gets shot. Yeah. Maria gets shot in the abdomen by Mighty Joe. Maria gets shot in the woman location. Yuri's, yeah, the womb, yeah. Damn.

No, that's crazy. There's a specific, I'm thinking of like, sort of lower right quadrant where it's like, here is where you can undress a female character in a way that you can show that they've been shot without exposing anything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they do though. When they go back to the head, they do expose her titties. Yeah, well, le basseau.

My note here is, Hey is really heavy breaking and then doing a J-turn good for someone who's just been shot. I assume so. I think it's fine. I assume so. NOOOO. I think it's fine. I really love Yuri's bodyguard, I like his physicality, the way he moves, really amused me. I don't know who the actor is, I couldn't find him in the thing, but great work, whoever

you are. That was funny. There's a fantastic piece of first aid in the thing, where as they're driving, Maria's dying in the back across the laps of three women, ideal, of course, and dying constantly across the laps of three women, which is all anyone's ever wanted. That's how I wanna do it. Yeah. But so Frank's like, I'll just put pressure on the wound, and one of them puts pressure

on the wound for two seconds and goes, it's not working! Love that. Like, it's not like, cure her. Like, just keep the fuck... It's minimizing. We gotta take her to the hospital, quickly. In order to take her to the hospital, Frank ramps one of the, like, air stair things into the airport building, and I just go, this seems like a good way to get shot so many more times.

He drives past armed officers who are just like, damn, that's crazy. Yeah, there's troops in fact, because there's like a Vigipirate guys there, like the French army counter-terrorism thing. I'm like, you are driving a car through a building full of people, like, they're kind of mental, whatever. They're empowered to shoot you if you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like the only time you get to do anything in Vigipirate. They're empowered to shoot you if you don't do

that. ALICE Yeah. So, once again, the French state absolutely fucks up its counterterrorism responsibilities. NICOLAS They get back to Girls HQ. SEAN Yeah, yeah, back to the model island Mossad. NICOLAS Anna's like, the poison was never real, Frank Sr. is just chill, he's just helping us out. ALICE Yeah, it's gunshot on the other hand, extremely real.

Yeah, I'm dying. Meanwhile, Karasov is like thinking about Frank really hard. He has the obligatory the time Frank Transporter was in the war photo, and I think it's the same photo, but they've photoshopped Ed's screen over Jason Statham's big ass head. That might be right. And they've had to stretch his head to make it bigger. He's on DKM, aren't you? Fuck, I didn't catch that. If that is true, that'll be the episode up.

Genuinely, genuinely, it's the time he was clumsily photoshopped into the war. I remember him looking slightly differently, and also being older. He also gets a text from Ben Shapiro, that is, all caps, I've been robbed. Perfect. Pretty good. Yeah. So they Yeah. Pretty good. So then there was somethings up. Frank Sr. does some kind of field surgical bullshit? Yeah, MacGyver ass. Where he gets the bullet out and then puts sugared cobwebs on the wound. I'm like, is

Frank Sr. a witch? Crazy. Yeah. He's like, yeah, the cobwebs'll coagulate it and the sugar'll sterilize the wound. I'm like, yeah, alright, whatever man. Maria gets better. And then we get a kind of respite as we cut to the Policule House in the morning, and I say it's a Policule House because you're walking past two people who are professed lesbians who are having sex with a token man.

Yes. Yeah, because Frank's reward for this is that Gina and Keir have sex with him. I cannot stress how much I hate this fucking two bisexual woman get jealous over this guy so decides to have a thre- I'm like, fuck you. Mmhm. It's the worst. And so Frank Jr. goes to see Anna- Other way around, actually. Anna comes to see him, because she wants to have apology sex. Mmm.

Yeah. Great. There's no chemistry here for me. TANVI No. It's not a very sexy scene. ALICE What it does do is it hits the big rescue sex worker from sex work thing, although the thing he wants to rescue her from is revenge quest against the guy who human trafficked her. TANVI Yeah. So she's like, well after they have sex, she's like, well you've unlocked my backstory, she's like, well, you've unlocked my backstory now having romance to me.

My mom sold me to Carazol for $500 when I was 12. There is a line I like here where Frank reacts, it's a very realistic depiction of somebody telling a traumatizing story because she's like, yeah, I was sold into sex slavery for $500 when I was 12 years old and Frank goes, Jesus. And she goes, I know, I reckon she could have got 600. Which I do quite like. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's good. It's a good performance. I would do it. Yeah, exactly. He tries to do the like shirtlessly comforting her, you don't have to do this thing. Yeah. Shit. Whatever. And the Frank and his dad on our free to leave, which they do, they drive away leaving the four models in the background. Considering the fact that Maria

was shot in the abdomen the day before, she's looking fucking great. Yeah, she's fine. She's peachy. I don't even worry. She's wearing heels and like perfectly made up. I'm like, she's wearing platform heels. And I'm like, I hope I'm looking that good the day after I get shot in the stomach. Is that like a day you've booked out? Oh yeah, we've got to book it out weeks in advance for, yeah, for the stomach spills. Sorry Angel, you've got getting shot in the stomach today. Looking at my schedule in the morning and be like, oh.

Hey, did anyone else know that we had this? Yeah. Okay. I'm getting shot in the woman location. Weirdly it coincides with one of the live shows. I know. That's dumb. So yeah, coming up to me after the show and I'm like, yeah, I can sign something or you can shoot me in the stomach with a gun. To be fair. Well, okay.

I am not interested in getting shot by any of our fans. I just like to put that out there. This is a weird bit. let's move on from this. With the bullets. When they're driving away, Frank Senior's like, you should help these girls, and Frank's like, no, it's not quite time for Act Three of the movie yet, I don't want to. I love that this man is so purely dad oriented, but they have no idea how to write father-son dialogue, so everything Frank is saying to Frank Senior is just shit, like, you're a right bastard, aren't you, dad.

And it's like, it's just, what are you, what's happening? What are you trying to get across here? ALICE Despite these women having cleared every single one of these guys they've come across, they still need a man's help. KATE Yeah, bullshit. NICHOLAS Yeah, right? Like, they're doing fine. ALICE But so, so Frank's like, I'll think about it,

anyway, I'm gonna drop you off to get kidnapped again. Cause I see that you've got that in your phone calendar. And Frank's dad therefore immediately wins the Most Kidnapped Dad Award, because Karasov calls him on Zoom or whatever and he's like, hey I've got your dad, again. GEOFF It's like, aw fuck, not my dad. ALICE Yeah. GEOFF So, um, okay. I love that they need it to be a family relation, but they

can't have it be like a woman of any kind, so it's just a guy who's like, aw fuck, they're kidnapping my dad. It's just such an odd, like, I dunno, it's just such an odd conceit, I dunno. ALICE Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that I wouldn't be upset if my dad were kidnapped, right, like obviously. RILEY Yeah, well I would obviously go on a roaring rampage of revenge if my dad got kidnapped, obviously. ALICE Of course. RILEY I think if my dad got kidnapped and ended up having a threesome with two models I'd be like,

dad are you okay? I think there's something wrong. That's very unlike him. I think it's unlike all of our dads to get kidnapped, unless there's something I really don't know. Maybe I'd be like, that's where I get it from. That's kind of what Frank Transport was doing in this, actually. My next note is, Christ this is so stupid.

So he goes back to the models. I don't have any further notes from this point. He's like, I guess I'll help you do three Musketeers shit like an Alexander Dumas. Karazov wants me to bring you all to the yacht now. Cool. Great. They come to the yacht. We get like long shots of the girls again and all of the models

stand like models, which is really funny to me. It's like being held at gunpoint, standing, counseling. Karasov tries to do some backstory about Frank Transporter, which would be interesting if I could fucking hear any of it. Oh no, don't worry, it wasn't interesting. I could hear it, it's not interesting, he's just like, I made a lot of money from being corrupt military back in the day. Frank, you could have done a Frank's like, I never wouldn't do that. I wouldn't. I'm a man of honor.

I know I was whatever. Mm hmm. That's that. Great. Cool. Nice one. Frank's senior is also here. He's alive. But so Ben Shapiro and Yuri, they turn up and they're like Karazov. You fuck. Yeah. Merde, you fuck, you murdered, you robbed us because it's your girls who've been doing this because we keep finding your fucking logo all over the place, your stupid logo with the dagger with the ass heart.

It's you and Anna, we realized Anna's set them up into a fucking standoff. And Karazov's like, this is bullshit. Look at my bank account history. I don't have your money. Oh wait, I do. Because Gina just scuba dived onto the yacht and transferred it, like, reverse pickpocketed it into his bank account. Thrillin' pin entering scenes.

Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah, forgive us for not going into exacting detail over that. Yeah. My next note just says we come to this place to get stupider and worse. Yeah, Gina also steals the money out of his account, so now they have it, everybody shoots everybody, Yuri and Ben Shapiro get shot, Kya dies, Maria dies. All the fucking women! All the brawls!

The girls just get fucking shot dead! Just kills them, yeah! It's really, this movie has a killing women problem. Yeah. It continues too, Gina gets killed, Maesa kills Gina, and Gina kills Maesa by strangling her. In a really kind of exploitative way. Yeah, don't like it.

This is all model on model, audience, you have to understand, this is not gonna be good. This is cunt on cunt violence, it's not nice. Divas hate to see it. The girls are fighting... Brackets bad. Should be at least some kind of solidarity. There is one thing that is kind of funny to me, which is, Frank leads, like, goes into a room and there's just

a bunch of axes on the walls. Yeah. Because November I need to ask you, I need to ask you a question. It's important on my boat. Have you seen the matrix reloaded? Oh, shit. Yes. Because there's that famous fight scene in the shadow when Neil fights all the dudes with the walls, the stuff on the walls. And that made sense there because it like an old time, it's like a stylistic location, but instead we just have the axe room on the boat. ALICE Well, I really, the thing is I kind of like that incongruity, there's a bit in John Wick 3 I wanna say, where he stumbles into the

museum of pointy implements. NICHOLAS The museum of knives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. NICHOL, they're like fighting each other, then there's a brief beat where they look around themselves and realise that every surface is just knives. That's good. I also like the scene in The Man From Hong Kong where they're fighting everyone based on shit on the wall. It can be done well, and I think it is funny to have an axe room on your boat. So whatever. You just get a pass from me. ALICE Sammo Hung is owed a death of gratitude for this. Also, we have buried our gays here,

we have killed both of our lesbians. Oh yeah, they're gone. I would agree. They did just finish having sex with that old man. Here's the thing about having it both ways, right, is earlier, when he's doing his shirtless comforting thing, Frank is like, you should not do this roaring rampage of revenge, because these guys will kill you without thinking about it. And then you, the movie, who is using that as a way to kind of judge the morality of those guys, kill those same women without thinking about it. Yeah. In a completely kind of thoughtless depiction.

Again, I don't like the creators of this film are getting off on this scenario, it's not nice. Yeah, it's horrible. It's not nice. Yeah, it's horrible. It's not good. Anna is taken hostage by Karazov on a boat, so Frank chases him on a jet ski. If I don't sound infused by the concept of a fucking jet ski chase listeners, it's because I'm not. It's because by this point in the movie I'm fucking bored and just kind of turned off and disappointed by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He does the transporter three window kick thing again through a four by four. He does. Fucking great. Anna's got again through a 4x4. He does. Fucking great. And a pistol whip, which is really bad for you. And then they both scramble up like a rock, like some scree. I write down first day of running normal school, because that scree has a kind of funny run. And then they have a fight- We do the Transporter 1 again. It's the same thing.

Karasov comes up with a knife. And I always like when someone pulling a knife is filmed as like duplicitous, right? And they have underhanded because in this case, Frank has also armed himself. And so what we have is the duplicitous knife versus the honorable two rocks. That's way more honorable. It's like you brought a knife to Two Rocks fight. You're fucking... What are you gonna do honestly when someone rolls up on you with Two Rocks? Yeah, one rock? I could probably take you two rocks. Wow.

Shit. Ow. So would you believe Anna shoots Karasov like in the first movie? Yeah, I would. And then she holds Frank Transporter at gunpoint, but then their completely unearned romance makes her reconsider. Yeah, she's like, I arranged everything, including the second kidnapping! And Frank's like, we've run out of time in the movie, don't worry about it. Whatever.

Frank's like, the movie's over, stop talking to me. Frank is like, I would really like. The movie's stopped talking to me. Frank is like, I would really like to go on a wine date with my dad. So yeah, I will give you like one kiss and you can fuck off now please. Because we need to show that this revenge, a woman taking this revenge quest is wrong and bad and you shouldn't do that because it makes Luc Besson scared for reasons we can't talk about. But it has improved Frank's relationship with his dad.

Which is, I mean, that's kind of all worth it in the end, really. My notes say the vengeful woman is obsessed and needs to be brought down to earth by heterosexuality. And then, after this wine date, we get an epilogue. Epilogue! Woo woo woo woo! And the epilogue is Anna sitting by a pool transferring money, so like, and the thing is, she gives the surviving families, who I guess also sold their daughters into sex slavery, seventy-five million dollars each. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that's a lot of money, but I'm thinking about how financially

ruinous it would be to... You understand seventy-five million is too much money to get. To get, like, over... Because essentially what you've sort of gone and done there, and said, sorry your daughter you sold died, or whatever, here is, uh, like, infinity money, enjoy your new tax bracket. Like... Yeah. I dunno, we have a Patreon and if you wanted to sign up and give us 75 million dollars

I think you can do that. I think I'd find a way to make it work. Yes. I mean, I would. I guess, yeah, that actually would be a tax bracket for me, because in this case, this is a gift from Anna, but that would be pay for me, so that really would fuck me badly. Oh yeah, that would, yeah, you're right, Dev, if it's a gift, it would be taxed after a certain value, I don't know what the rules are on that.

There is a maximum value, but it's definitely below $75 million, like... I feel like it probably is below $75 million. I don't know what the maximum value is, but... But Frank and... Frank Jr. and Frank Sr. both get 10 mil, and there's a shot of Frank Jr. and Frank Sr. both on the one screen, and she swipes across, and I just love every decision that led to that. Like, having both Franks have equal weight at the end of this fucking movie is just... jeet. Why didn't you kill the dad? What is wrong with you people?

Yeah, yeah, that would've been way people? That was the most obvious shot. ALICE The guy whose main contribution was getting kidnapped. RILEY He got kidnapped twice and then just got pussied the entire rest of the time, made vague innuendos, and then at the end he got given ten mil for it. NICOLAS That's your break into act two. Like, the break into act two usually has like a hint of death or a reminder of the

possibility of death? That's where you kill his dad. That's where you kill Frank Junior. Or you kill Frank Junior. Really fucking twist some things. Yeah, sure, whatever. Why not? I'm so glad that Jason Statham didn't want to do this movie.

I could not be happier, yeah. If this had been Jason, I would have been upset. Because the thing is, part of the reason why he wouldn't is because they wanted him to sign on for three movies without having read any of the script why he wouldn't is because they wanted him to sign on for three movies without having read any of the script. Oh my god. And why take that risk for Luc Vesson? Not worth it.

No, no, it's not worth doing. And as much as I miss Jason Statham as Frank Transporter, and as much as I'm like, this never happened to the other Frank Transporter, this one fucking sucks, and it would've kind of tarnished the thing. We'll see him again in the Fast and Furious series. I don't think the last two were any good. The first one was pretty bad. We'll see him again in the Beekeeper, where he will be playing Frank Transporter if he

became a Beekeeper. I'm pretty sure Statham is at some point gonna be in the Fast and Furious series. He is. As Frank Transporter. He will be Frank Transporter when we get to it. I gotta say this to you ladies, god I miss heists. Do you remember heists? Where are they? Do we wanna curve Fast and Furious for a bit and do some more heists?

Italian job? We could do some heists before we hit Fast and Furious. I would like to, because crucially it is still heist season and I get a lot of questions like hey why did you stop doing heists? Why did we stop doing heists? Why did we stop doing heists? We didn't. We didn't.

I am big, it's the pictures that got small. We'll do some heists, we'll have a think. But- Look, there are heists in the Fast and Furious series, and we really thought the Transporter series would bring us into that neatly. It didn't. Oops. We'll just do some of the heists first.

Fine. I'd love to. But we don't have to be subjective about The Transporter refueled, because we have a science-based system. It's called the SCUMM system, it's down to SMARM, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. On a scale of zero to tentatively seven, how SMARMY is this movie? Yeah, so just in case this is your first episode listeners, soft cap is seven, hard cap is ten. This will come up. And when I tell you I wanted to put misogyny at twenty.

Yeah, for smarm, I think Dev's right, there's a lot of like movie ass lines in this. There's so much. Three? Four? The thing about technology, whenever you think that they can't come up with something new, they come up with something new. ALICE Four. ZOE Four. Yeah. ZOE Yeah, four is over half of our stock cap.

ALICE It's like, attempted bond. Cultural insensitivity. It's pretty fucking racist. ZOE Pretty bad! ALICE I don't like that opening scene. ZOE It's not a mission, because they have people of colour in the movie, they just kill them. Yeah. They're all either prostitutes or pimps.

They're either orcs or prostitutes or pimps, and that's it. Yeah. Goons, just in general. Gina and Kya are both women of colour. I don't like the way the script treats them, but they are prominent characters, and Maitse is too, so it's definitely not a mission. Yeah. No.

But that opening scene is pretty bad. Hmm. I'm not thrilled about the roadmen either. We didn't mention them being racialized. But yeah. NICOLAS Threatening guys, yeah. Not a big fan of that. ALICE Minimum four, man. Minimum.

ALICE Plus the like, ambiguous, Balkan kind of car robbers at the start. NICOLAS Yes, true. Four? ALICE Five. Fuck you. Five. ALICE I guess it's down the list but it's also kind of offensive to put like the second movie in a row where you're like Eastern Europeans you mean they're like the gangsta guys yeah yeah okay yeah all right before then yeah for unprovoked

violence well he definitely does bounce that guy's head off a desk definitely does bounce that guy's head off a desk. He does bounce the guy's head off a desk, the doctor, that is completely unprovoked. That's assault. At least he's already in a hospital. Yeah, very true. Yeah, I guess it's the best place to do it to someone. It doesn't- it kills anyone. He doesn't textually kill anyone.

He does throw a knife at that guy at the start, which I'm like, that was quite extreme. And like, well, I guess all those people in the club who get gassed, that's pretty good. You could hit your head. But that at least is, like, out of his control, because they don't tell him the plan. Yeah, he pretends he's going out of his way. But the movie asks us to endorse it. To like, yes it does. Once again, a long campaign of anti-pilot violence.

Yeah! What the fuck? Yeah, the copilot as well gets Uncle Chobhb and he's just a civ. Okay, so there's at least two civilians who just get knocked out for no reason, right? Yeah. Well, a whole club full of civilians who get knocked out for no reason. That's true. Shit. Okay, there's a lot of them. All right. And the guys who were put in the predicament bondage situation? Oh yeah, no, I think that alone takes it to like a five, because if that goes wrong, you're

basically just doing an extended strangulation. Yeah, yeah. No kills though, so. Not, yeah, no kills though. So not on screen. No, but like, I could see four. He's the star of the movie. Okay. Yeah. Four. Because it's PG-13. I think it's as high as you can get a PG-13. Yes. M stands for misogyny. Two zero twenty points. I mean, okay, we've, we've seen more misogynistic movies than this, I think. Have we? Have we? I think.

I'm trying to think of any, because like, the next closest was definitely... Goldfinger. Sex and the City 2 and Goldfinger, we've given nines to. Nine out of seven. What's the one where the broads in East Germany? Oh, atomic blonde. That's the one. That was also pretty bad. That was pretty bad too. Yeah. It has the same dodge as a bunch of those of being like,

well we're showing women being like tough and competent. Well they're empowering, inpoweringly getting dressed in the background of scenes while two men talk to each other, you know? Like, minimum seven, although you know my thoughts. Even though it's kinda intense. ALICE I agree, I agree. I... SONIA Atomic Blonde we gave a seven for Misogyny 2.

ALICE Yeah. This doesn't feature a textual sexual assault, as far as I know? Like, as far as I remember? SONIA It doesn't. It doesn't. ALICE Which Goldfinger does. SONIA Yes. Goldfinger definitely does, as does,? It doesn't. It doesn't. Which Goldfinger does. Yes. Goldfinger definitely does. As does, um, Thunderball. But Sex and the City 2, we gave a 9 for misogyny and that also didn't feature a kind of textual

effect. That is true, but it was just, oh my god, that's bad. I think this is worse. I think this is worse than Sex and the City 2. I genuinely want to agree on that. Okay. I think the way that women are treated, first of all, like, you're only allowed to be a woman in this movie if you are model beautiful.

And if you are a woman, you exist literally... Most of the female cast are non-speaking background sexual roles. That is most of the cast. And even the ones that do, even your principals, I think all of them get... Is there a woman in this movie who we do not, who has a line, who we do not see in her underwear? Not out of the named cast. And who we don't see as a victim of physical violence. Like half of them get shot and then like Anna gets pistol whips. Like, uh, Jeannie is strangled to death.

Real lesbians are set to sing. Yeah, it's like... Out of all of the named female characters, absolutely none of them are exempt from that. Yeah. And when we cut to Karazov and his boys, we've just got three women in their underwear as props. It's a ten. It's a ten.

I think this is the most misogynistic movie I think I've ever seen. Yep. Agreed. Seven key turns. I'm happy to go with ten. Yeah. Third key. You know, unanimous.

Carried unanimously. Death. Death to this film. Yeah, the sentence is death, thank you. That gives it a total score of 22, which makes it the worst transporter movie by quite some distance. That's crazy. The worst movie we have watched since Sex and the City 2. That also tracks.

Which was a 28, you'll remember, it was incredibly. Luke I'll find something. I can bring you something. Luke I think, yeah, I think this also tracks. And I mean, obviously we do have to give a kind of procedural Cronstein to Frank Transvall. Luke Absolutely, absolutely. Luke Very true. Luke He gets the Cronstein for that. Any good nights? Luke Nothing else? Luke No, I don't think so. No Brian Cox's, no Kaufman's, no nothing.

I'm looking back at the record, Rambo IV is still the worst film we've ever seen on 36. Definitely true. Yes, definitely true. This is a science-based system. That's not gonna get Top 4. I wonder if anything could be... Because that got 10s for Unprovoked Violence and Racism. And a 9 for Misogyny. That is hard to beat Rambo for.

I really wouldn't recommend listening to that episode. We weren't having a good time talking about it. I re-listened to it recently and it's like, that one is, that's gonna be tough to beat. That's gonna stand for a long time, I think. This is definitely one of the worst we have watched in recent memory. Yeah. Awful. But at least it's over now. We're done with the transporter, it was lovely to meet Frank Transporter, and then it declined. You know? SONIA Yeah, it was. They got steadily worse. ALICE Let's just do some heists or something. Let's just like, let's do some classics, let's do some ones where we didn't touch, we can do

point break, something like that. SONIA Says the self-preservation society. ALICE However, our next bonus episode, that's going to be a serious man. At long last. Yes. I am sorry it's taken so long, we had scheduling issues, but we are getting- Religion season continues on Killjoy's episode. Yes.

We are getting friend of the show and all three hosts of the show, Matty Lubchanski, on to talk about a serious man. Finally religion season will not just be synonymous with Catholic season. three hosts of the show, Matic Lubchanski, to talk about A Serious Man. Finally, religion season will not just be synonymous with Catholic season. I look forward to seeing you all there, and thank you if you already subscribed to the Patreon. If you don't, you should, because it's going to be fire. And we will see you next time. Please send us 75 million dollars. And at the time of recording, the Gaza Freedom Flotilla has not yet reached the seas of Gaza.

It's still above Egypt. Keep eyes on. If you can, we all support everyone on board. Godspeed to him. Bye. Bye, everyone. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next episode in two weeks time on the free feed. it's not going to be Fast and the Furious, we felt bad for old Statham, so we're letting him get a heist off. We're going to be talking about the bank job 2008 and this will be just myself in November because sadly Abby was busy.

But if that is simply too long for you to wait and two hosts seems like way too few to you, then you'll be excited to hear that next week on the free feed, we've got a serious man with all three of us and Mattie Lubchanski, who is indeed all three of us. And you can get that episode as well as our entire backlog by going over to patreon.com slash killjamesbond, all one word, and signing up today for as little as five pounds a month. I saw a bottle of full fat Coke of Cola in the Sainsbury's yesterday morning and it was £2.45 so for about two of those you can have access to our entire backlog. These were

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