Kill James Bond! - S4E18: The Italian Job (1969)

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Starting point is 00:01:09 Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends, Abigail Thorne and Devon. Ciao. Hello. And we have a guest. We brought on my trash future co-host, host of Masters of Outer Main, Britinology, stand up comedian Milo Edwards. Milo, how's it going? Hello, hello, hello. Good to be here. I forgot how over the top the theme music is, I enjoyed that. It's so good. I like a bit of bombast to start a recording. Yeah. Yeah, we got young because

Starting point is 00:01:57 Britsonology sort of demands that we do this movie, right? Which is the Italian job, the original one. I was almost surprised you hadn't done it already. I know. I know. I mean, here's the thing. We have a long list and we've kind of been storing up some of the really key ones. Um, and getting back into like heist season with a bang doing some, because we did the bank job and it got me thinking about like, uh, about Britain and about, you know, our specific sub genre of heist and I thought yeah we could we could do some blagging you know we could do that um and this is a couple of blags yeah exactly yeah come on England steal some fucking gold yeah yeah I forgot how much like

Starting point is 00:02:38 this movie is saying something about Britain and like it tries I forgot how much of like a national pride movie it is yeah I feel like this just explains much of like, Top Gear. I think so too. I would say this movie, along with being complimented on your accent by an American, is one of the two main tricks that you can experience that make you convinced for a second that being British is an okay thing to be, that it's like, acceptable. Because I really like this movie, right? I had a good time with it. This did not work on me. This did not work on me at all. This was insufferable. You were just sitting there the whole time like death to the lesser Satan?

Starting point is 00:03:13 A little bit. I mean like this is very much a movie made by Britain when it believed that Britain was the most important thing in the entire world. Like there are parts in this where they don't even translate what the Italians are saying. Oh most of it. As if it's like, ah, who gives a fuck, it's Britain, baby! ALICE And one of the characters actually says, bloody foreigners, when like, what an Italian guy is talking. RILEY Yeah, he's in Italy at the time.

Starting point is 00:03:33 Now, you listen, this movie may be wrong about Britain, but it's right about Italians. You shouldn't- that is true. ALICE But so, we begin with this really really gorgeous opening, which is a guy driving, uh, like a Lamborghini Miura, down these really like twisty Italian alpine roads. Mm, it's a very pretty car. You will never, you will never drive the Lamborghini Miura across the Alps. We're in 1969. We are.

Starting point is 00:04:01 Half of the CO2 in the atmosphere hasn't been emitted yet. Like a 1.5 degree warming world is still possible, like at the time this movie was made. It's gorgeous. They didn't know. They did actually, they did. And the people who did know should be... Well, what happens to this guy? Well, so, first of all, I had to talk about the soundtrack as well, because we've also

Starting point is 00:04:22 got Matt Monroe, the guy who did from Russia With Love, singing over the credits. GARETH We do indeed. He's nailing it with this one though. ALICE Yeah, he is. The credits, by the way, Michael Kane's suits get their own credit, and I kind of scoffed at that in a moment. RILEY Amazing. ALICE And then I saw the suits, and so later on I'm like, they deserve that credit. GARETH They did, they did.

Starting point is 00:04:41 ALICE But so, the guy driving the beautiful Lamborghini drives into a tunnel where he collides with a pre-positioned bulldozer and explodes instantly. Making him a 009! A bloke's trying to drive his Lamborghini Miura, and then he's brutally stopped by a roadworks. That is Sadiq Khan's London. This is Sadiq Khan's Italy. Why was that giving me more breakdowns?

Starting point is 00:05:07 ALICE & TANNER Hmm. ALICE & TANNER The thing about owning a bulldozer. Yeah, so, um, because we see the, um, uh, like, the Italian mafia at the other end of this tunnel as he drives in, block off the end with this bulldozer, and one of them's holding a wreath already of flowers, which is very stylish. The Mafia are so cunty in this movie. Yeah, for real though. This movie makes the Mafia look really good, apart from the fact that they lose at the end, but part of me is just like, oh, I want to work with these guys.

Starting point is 00:05:37 It's kind of a recruitment ad for the Mafia, yeah. You said this in the pre-ship, but they look like anime villains, they're all standing there in their tailored suits and their hats. They all simultaneously remove their hats as like a mark of respect against this guy they've just murdered. And they use the bulldozer to tip his Lambo off the edge of a mountain and bounce it all the way down. It's great. Kind of all stood around like the surrounds.

Starting point is 00:05:58 They're not on the road. They're just above the bridge and they're like along the verge, just all equidistant wearing a full suit with hat. Yeah. Fantastic. I love how well brought up they are, you know, they're like, well, you're murder a guy, but you have to bring it in, you take off of the ad. It's a serious moment.

Starting point is 00:06:14 Yeah. Yeah. Um, and they full force do just fling a car down an out in order to do this. They do this so many times. Yeah. We can, we can establish this, one of the chief joys. It was before recycling bins, you know, that's what you did, you just threw stuff down the mountain. Into a river!

Starting point is 00:06:32 You used to be able to just do this, I mean, maybe that's how we got the other like, three degrees of warming or whatever, but you used to be able to throw a sports car into a river and just dust your hands and be like, the movies! Yeah. We're finished with this sports car, we don and just dust your hands and be like, the movies! Yeah. We're finished with this sports car, we don't want to bring it home. In the river. No worries. And just carries it away.

Starting point is 00:06:51 They do this to most of the cars in the movies. That's the Fish's Miura now. There's like a million stories about the production of this movie, there's just one that I'm gonna tell which is, the minis from this, they were given 25 minis and they destroyed 16 of them filming this. So all of those went to the river, I assume there's a dam somewhere in like Switzerland or the Swiss Italian border that's made of compacted 60s cars because of this movie. There's some extremely country beavers driving around in them now. But back in England, back in Blighty, we meet the hero of the movie, Michael Caine. Charlie Crocker, who is getting out of prison.

Starting point is 00:07:32 Getting out of 60s prison. Damn Crocker. Muppet Joker. That's just for the people who were at Dashcontu. Don't worry about it. It's prison in the 1960s where you can still get at the nonces. Yeah, he's in 60s prison where you can still smoke where you can still get at the nonces. ALICE Yeah, he's in 60s prison where you can still smoke, you can still get at the nonces, they've got the like, the netting strung over all the landings, because it's a Victorian prison, and he's being released and so he's just saying cheerio to everyone on the way out. Which is another thing you could do. ZOE It seems like a very affable prison, it really

Starting point is 00:08:01 does. ALICE Yeah, well we'll see why, because on the way out, he says cheerio as well to Mr. Bridger, no cowards. What are you doing in this movie? I love him. Chewing the fucking scenery. Yeah, yeah. He's good at this.

Starting point is 00:08:17 And Mr. Bridger, we learn, is obviously a person of some importance in the prison. He also has a gay little conciliaire with him, who's just like advising him off screen in the gayest voice I've heard so far at the prison. He also has a gay little conciliar with him who's just like advising him off screen in the gayest voice I've heard in a minute. I really like this. That was something that surprised me a little bit about going back to this movie is that everyone's gay in it. Yeah. Like half of all Brits are gay. There's a lot of gay people in this and this is just kind of like fine as well. It doesn't really, you know, it doesn't affect much at all. But like, like they're all It's good representation.

Starting point is 00:08:47 They've got the accent and everything. It's woke, I guess. It's just before like they had the common parlance for gay, so you could be like this, no one would be like, that's a bit of an odd bloke, isn't it? Betty loves pussy, and then just move on. I mean, was homosexuality still criminalized at the time? 69? No, it wasn't. But it's still like, within close living memory, I would say. I forget who the Lord was who presided over one of the cases that led to... Oh, are you

Starting point is 00:09:19 thinking of that quote where he's like, now that we've made homosexuality decriminalized, I trust that homosexuals will be quiet about it and grateful. It's like, now that we've made homosexuality decriminalized, I trust that like homosexuals will be like quiet about it and grateful. Go fuck yourself. Now listen, lads, the advanced team are going to go into the bank first. They're going to be in disguise. When you enter the bank, you're going to identify them by the hankies in their back pocket. In the toilets. Yeah, it's like, I guess it's decriminalized in like like, I wanna say 62, 65, something like that. Wow.

Starting point is 00:09:47 So like, dead recent. Yeah. So, Mr. Bridger, very important, very scary. And also very gay. With 67. Wow. And I would say partially decriminalized, because this is the one that started at the minimum age of 21 and over.

Starting point is 00:10:02 Right, right, right. So you're in your second year of being legal to be gay. But so, Charlie gets out of prison, and he has a girl waiting for him, Lorna, in a very posh car. It's like a Bentley or something. She's a 10 out of 10 Blondesmo show. She is. Great to see a Lorna these days. She is, yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:22 And as he gets in the car we see immediately that she has stolen this car from the Pakistani embassy as exemplified by one of the weirdest visuals I've encountered in a minute, a young Michael Caine holding up a little Pakistan flag. This will be the episode, yeah. Take out the little Pakistani flag. I didn't get a drop for it, but there is a kind of surreal young Michael Caine. This car belongs to the embassy of Pakistan. Now, listen here, darling, I support Muslim control of Kashmir as much as the next man.

Starting point is 00:10:55 But why? Michael Caine, not a fan of the Modi government and like for that, he's a king. Based. Also, Lorna's fit here, white suit, white driving gloves. Hello. Immaculate. There's a lot of driving gloves in this movie. But so the first call that he makes out of prison is to his tailor, which incredibly

Starting point is 00:11:18 cool. Yes, yes, menswear guy, let's go. He literally is. We get a really interesting shot of him in the tailor, in like five different mirrors across the shot, and it's like, some of the shots in this movie are not great, some of them actually are, but all the time it's trying something, which I really appreciate. I like that his tailor tells him like, your fits are washed, you're not cool anymore, skinny jeans aren't in, it's all about streetwear and baggy things and crop tops

Starting point is 00:11:45 now and he's just like, this is bullshit, like I want a James Bond suit and they're like, no, you suck, you've got to dress like a faggot now, that's what's in. Yeah, he's like, these were all in before I like went away and the guy goes, what did you do, life? My tailor, you meanest twink. Everyone's gay in the UK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, genuinely, this man knows so many gay men, and on his way out, his final line to

Starting point is 00:12:10 this tailor is, shorten the sleeves, would you love? Right, and this is like, 60s homophobia, the kind of thing of being like, well, gay men are kind of women, right? But it's in an affectionate way, and I mean genuinely affectionate, where I'm like, I can't get mad at it for that, you know? It's like, especially for the time, that's weirdly progressive. Yeah, there's part of me that wants to believe that they've folded it in almost on purpose, cause they're making a movie that's like, Britain is the greatest in the entire world,

Starting point is 00:12:40 and like, they've just decriminalized homosexuality, so maybe part of that is like, look how nice we treat our gays, over here in the heart of Empire. NICOLA Yeah, homo-nationalism? ALICE Imagine when progressive nationalism was a thing, yeah. So we see him pick up his car and this is an Aston Martin. NICOLA DB4? ALICE Yeah, and he is using a fake title, he's stealing Captain Valor, which is understandable because it's the coolest rank. And this is consciously like a con artist bond, right?

Starting point is 00:13:09 Because he's putting on a very posh accent, he is like talking to the guy who's kept his car while he's in prison. He lies about having been in India shooting tigers, right? And retrieves this package of like 20 pound notes from inside the bonnet and pays this guy off. And it's really fun because they're both doing this kind of posh affect. And then as it becomes clear that he is bribing him, it kind of falls away from both of them. And in the end, he hands him an envelope with about £4,000 in it in 1969 money, which Jesus fucking Christ. When he drives to the hotel, there's a nice detail, no lines or anything, but the cops

Starting point is 00:13:51 outside the hotel have made the Pakistani ambassador's car, and there's just like two cops standing around it taking notes and he just notices this and then goes, whoop, it walks away. He also tells the receptionist that his name is Lord Croker. Yeah, it's really good con artist stuff. Also, it's really funny that the luxury hotel looks like absolute shit. This too is British patriotism. There's a shot later of him in one of the corridors looking up at the ceiling where

Starting point is 00:14:18 you're like, that is 90% asbestos. And it's in this horrible sort of sculpted shape. It's this weird concrete brutalist box that... I only stay in places that are fire safe. My next note here says this is what happens when November gets home. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:36 So, he gets in the hotel room to find eight women making woman noises at him and greeting him individually. And Lorna, who says- In their underwear. Yeah, that's also true. Lorna who says- Well, I thought, coming out present. And I dunno, maybe transition pathways were different back then. I wish my coming out

Starting point is 00:14:57 present had been eight women, but it's fine. You accumulate over time. In some ways it was. Just spread out over a long time. That is true, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Well this is, you know, like, they talk about the stylistics of movies from different eras, and you know, in the 70s it's the kind of the long rambling plots or whatever, and in the 60s it's boardiness. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:16 It's like, within the first ten minutes of the movie you have to have a bunch of women in their underwear going, go on then darling, do you wanna have it off with us? Like, that's, y'know. ALICE It is a bawdy movie. There is a little bawd here. And so, the joke here is he comes out of the room and he looks fully, like, exanguinated. He's dehydrated. He's fucking...

Starting point is 00:15:36 GARETH De-haced and confused. Ex-cum-guinated? ALICE Yeah! GARETH Ex-cum-guinated? He's missing half his humours, it's over for this guy. Drastically out of balance, go over the big hook nose plague mask, comes in to sort him out. He needs to inject more calm into this man.

Starting point is 00:15:54 This man needs to come after me, ASAP. I think this is how internal medicine works. But yeah, the camera's fucking spinning around him. But he gets a note saying, go to this other hotel room for more boardiness. Which he does, he stumbles his way there, is immediately held at gunpoint by another beautiful woman. What were they doing in the 60s that this was common, you know? You've got 1960s woman dysphoria again. This is a 1960s Italian woman too, so you've been especially badly struck.

Starting point is 00:16:26 I literally noted down later on that I have 1960s Italian woman dysphoria. My note for this woman, Mrs. Beckerman, the widow of 009, the guy whose car got thrown off the cliff, my note says they don't give women plastic surgery like this anymore. And they really don't. She has a particular... I don't have an eye for 60s plastic surgery. I didn't realize that she had. Yeah. She's got the like kind of rhinoplasty nose, but in a 60s way, you know? There is a difference. There's a generational difference.

Starting point is 00:16:56 That would be cool if there were plastic surgeons who specialized in period looks. God, I wish. Wouldn't that be cool? And as an Italian married to a German in the 1960s, I think we can safely say, nothing to inquire about there. I wouldn't worry about it. No, no, absolutely not. Mrs. Beckerman.

Starting point is 00:17:12 Hello. Yeah. She's like, my husband is dead. Good evening. First of all. And she's like, my husband is dead and I just want to fuck. I'm like a horny widow in your area. Yeah, I only want...

Starting point is 00:17:23 Yeah, she's like a fucking pop-up ad. Yeah. And it's really funny that the movie kind of misses an opportunity for a joke because it's too horny here, because it's like, this will be Charlie Crocker's, what, like, tenth sexual encounter of that day? And he's just like, pfft, yeah, sure. Again, he's November-moding. Well, thank you, but like, give me some exhaustion like, yeah, sure. Again, he's November moding. Well, thank you, but like, give me some exhaustion out of this, please.

Starting point is 00:17:49 Yeah, my man is busting pure chalk at this point. Like, what? He's also been in prison for a while. Yeah. God, yeah, like- He's been saving it up. You don't know, maybe Charlie Crocus doesn't have sex in a way that always leads to orgasm, you know, there's lots of ways to have sex. That's true. Like Indiana Jones blowing on an artifact. Awful.

Starting point is 00:18:10 Throw me the whip! So, after having done that, she's like, here's my ex, now, I guess you don't get more exes than dead. My ex-husband's crime notes. My late husband's crime notes. Thank you, yes. My late husband's crime notes about all the crimes you wanted to do. He wanted you to carry on his legacy of doing crimes by doing this one crime. Here's a like, can of film.

Starting point is 00:18:37 He had a really good crime in the mind. It's like the agreement that we have that if any one of us dies we have to go into the drafts and post the bangers that we've got saved. Like very very similar vibe, where he's like he's thought of it, he hasn't done it yet but he knows it's gonna pop off, so you have to do this. They can't get you for posting about supporting a prescribed organization if you're dead. That is true. That is true.

Starting point is 00:19:02 What are they gonna do? Arrest you? Dig you up and arrest you? I mean, possibly at this point. But so, Charlie inexplicably joy rides a milk float to next location. Yeah, I'm not quite sure what that's about. You haven't asked him, Martin, why are you riding around in a milk float? Do you just love milk? He pushes it off a cliff at the end of the scene. Yeah, he didn't even know there were any cliffs in the North London area. Nothing sadder than seeing a milk float go over a cliff. That one Alp in North London, they don't even try to like marry it up, it's just like clearly

Starting point is 00:19:32 a shot of it going over the Alps. What this movie really needed was a shot of Michael Caine following the Italian woman into the bedroom and then smash cut to have a milk float going over a cliff in like one of the most on the nose metaphors. Yeah. So he watches this briefing video tape, which a thing I really like is- It's a vlog! Mr. whatever fuck his name is, Mr. Beatman? Mr. Beckerman? Doctor. Doctor whatever. 009's made a vlog where he's like, what up YouTube, it's your boy, 009, here's my plan

Starting point is 00:20:05 to do crimes, I've basically done all the crime already, all you need to do is follow the recipe, add one beaten egg, and you're done. Yeah, I've got a plug and play crime for you. Yeah. And it's... there's a lot of gold being moved around a very busy street in Italy. Very fun combination of 009 and M here, that I haven't really seen before. But yeah, he's kind of, he's filming this by the way standing in the middle of a hedge, which is weird. But Charlie

Starting point is 00:20:31 is watching this and talking back to the screen as if they're having a conversation. And I like this both as like comic relief as like character for Charlie and also because it means the scene isn't just one flat monologue where this guy tells you what's going to happen. S. So the plan is there's four million dollars in gold that are going to be flown into Turin from China and transported through the center of Turin on the day that the World Cup final between England and Italy is being played. If you can hack the computer that controls the traffic lights in Turin, you can create a massive traffic jam everywhere except where you need it, smash and grab raid on the gold convoy, drive right out of Turin, and escape over the mountains into Switzerland.

Starting point is 00:21:13 And he's done everything, he's like, here's the computer program on a big reel to reel tape, here's the devices for shutting down the CCTV cameras, I've had them made already. You literally, you just need to do it. So, he calls up... Some of the aerial shots of Turin are so funny as well, because they're these massive great squares that are all car parking, and it's so fucking weird to see. There's like a hundred cars just in the middle of Turin. I hope that doesn't do anything to the...

Starting point is 00:21:41 They should clearly be pedestrianized, like, climate or whatever. No, no, like, climbing. Or whatever. Um, it's fine. No, no, no, no. All of those cars would eventually be thrown off and out. Um, so, he calls up Camp Freddy. Hell yeah. I love Camp Freddy. Camp Freddy's not actually that camp, but-

Starting point is 00:21:57 No, he's not. Because that's to this actor on a restrained performance. Yeah, so, Camp Freddy- Ironic nickname. He's the straightest guy in the whole movie. Camp Freddie works for Mr. Bridger. And it's implied that they organize all of the organized crime because when Charlie tells him, oh, I've got a bank robbery, I've got a robbery I want to do, Camp Freddie is like, well, if it's the post office on such and such a

Starting point is 00:22:21 street, you're going to have to book in for that because it's being done already. So the idea of like Britain working on a kind of appointment based system for armed robbery really tickled me. I hate what Britain's become. You have to ring up at eight 30 in the morning to get an armed robbery appointment. Your call is important to us. Is it though? They have this conversation, which is strikingly similar to conversations I had with my former agent where Charlie's just like, well, I've got this big job, I've landed it myself, I think it's probably gonna make a lot of money, can I cut you in on this? And then basically Camp Freddy's like, we're not interested, fuck off.

Starting point is 00:22:54 I was like, I'm trying to make you money! By the way, the whole time Camp Freddy is on the phone, he has four beautiful women, three of them standing side by side taking identical notes on pads, and one of them like picking up and hanging up the phone for him. Which, incredible aesthetic. So yeah, he also turns down in advance, because he thinks if it's the Bank of England, it's out. Mr. Bridge is very worried about the economy of the country.

Starting point is 00:23:27 And so the movie establishes that... He's a patriotic crook. Is he under the impression that there's money in the Bank of England? I think he legitimately does, yeah. Yes, that might be the case. Because the impression is that, like, economy is when the Bank of the country has money, and the more money it has the better economy is because Charlie goes, no, no, no, it's fine. It's a foreign bank robbery that's going to add to this

Starting point is 00:23:52 country's balance of payments. And it's like, this is discourse that's downhill of a lot of very weird thinking about economics in the, in the sixties. Yeah. But so, uh, Camp Freddy's like, no, absolutely not. And then hits me with a line that I may well have said about flat chairs in my life. Now then, Butch Harry, tell us about Fulham. Now... ALICE & TITUS LAUGH Uh, Camp Freddy and Butch Harry, now that is a combo. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:22 If it's an inversion, then maybe Butch Harry is the femme one? Butch Harry's the gay one. Or there's just a whole spectrum, you know, you don't see femme boy Dave, but he's out there, you know? Like... God damn. Everyone in that room is gay. It's illegal.

Starting point is 00:24:36 Bag of Brian. Yeah, everyone else in that room has a name like that. It's good that we didn't get into it, actually. It's like a hangover thing, they're all still in prison for being gay, but from like two years ago, they may be gay legal, but they haven't quashed all the previous convictions. If only I'd waited. But so, Charlie's like, alright, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna unpack my cat burgling tools. Including his grappling hook. You never see a grappling

Starting point is 00:25:07 hook in a movie. You don't know. Cause it woke. Which he has named Hazel. And I'm just like, this is the gayest straight man I've ever seen. This man is the Riley Quinn of crime. Well it's a different kind of arc there, because Riley Quinn is the most transsexual cis man, whereas Charlie Crocker is the gayest straight man, if you see the distinction.

Starting point is 00:25:29 God, Riley would be so nervous committing a heist, chasing around outside. The heist would go well, I believe. I think the heist would be well planned. I think so. Oh yeah, it would be nice. But so Mr. Bridger is in prison, and he's in prison wearing a smoking jacket over his uniform, like a kind of purple velvet number. Like a fucking pimp.

Starting point is 00:25:50 Yeah. He's being escorted by the guards. We're all on the gay wing. He literally is. He controls the gay wing because he's being escorted by the guards to his own private bathroom and it's becoming increasingly clear that he basically runs this prison, right? Yeah. The soundtrack to this is British Grenadiers, by the way. Yes. Just to nail the sort of patriotism thing. Oh, yeah. I noted this. The soundtrack doesn't

Starting point is 00:26:15 calm down at any point. So he's going in to take an extremely dignified shit, right? He's being handed like his special toilet paper. race in this country. You all be gay. Now listen, son, we're going to do this job, even if I have to cottage you into a green. Everybody in the world is bent. You ever been to Burghain, Mr. Bridger? But he pitches them on this job again and Bridger doesn't really want to know. And then like has to cover for him as the guards are like, you're right in there, Mr. Bridger. And then again, a moment striking like conversations I've had with my former agent as well, when Charlie's like, well, I could always take this scheme to the Americans. There are people who recognize young talent and give it a chance. Yeah, this is a little bit of like, what you might call declineism, right? I'm borrowing that term from the historian David Edgerton, who I'm still kind of like

Starting point is 00:27:25 half-ready at the moment. Declinism, right? This idea that, like, Britain is a failing state, like a doomed project, it's on the way out, right? Like, and it's always been this kind of strain in the British psyche to be like, oh, country's fucked, mate. It's like going down the tubes. And in this case, it's a talented young entrepreneur who is trying to do a startup, essentially, cannot get funding because, like, the people with money are too hidebound and, like, kind of standoffish, right? It's called Nebula, Mr. Bridger. It's a streaming service, but get this, it's owned by the people what are on it.

Starting point is 00:28:01 If you're not going to do this, this I'm gonna take this to Masayoshi Son. He's a startup guy. So we now get to see where where Bridger the next day has to go and confront the prison governor who is like obviously both scared of him but also just kind of deferential to him instinctively. And it as John LeMessurier from Dad's Army. Fuck yeah. I love that Mr. Bridger has his own desk in the prison governor's office. Yeah. Very funny. And he excoriates the governor for letting someone break into his prison and says, and this is where the decline is and creeps in again. You are symptomatic of the lazy, unimaginative management which is driving this country on the rocks. And 69 you're dealing with like Harold Wilson as

Starting point is 00:28:53 Prime Minister, like you're dealing with a like socialist labor government. And imagine such a thing. Yeah, right. And you'd have like years more of it yet, like you're about to get James Callahan after that and then Wilson again. So the idea of the institutions of this country are kind of bureaucratically a joke, and the only people with any like new real ideas are the gay criminals, is bizarre. It's been a long-standing view, like declineism as I'm looking back, it has been such a long standing view that it seems to be like somewhat immune to the actual material conditions in the country.

Starting point is 00:29:32 That a lot of people believe that the nation is in decline. It's kind of like masculinity, like it's always been in crisis. Yeah, absolutely. I think Noah Coward here is kind of giving the, I can't remember who it was who said this but someone in the 60s, like a famous British homosexual, said it really sucked when they made being gay legal, because it made married men much less willing to fuck you. That's kinda like, they've made being gay legal and now they've taken all the fun out of it. This country's gone to the bloody dogs.

Starting point is 00:30:02 ALICE Well we see he's quite conservative in other ways as well, because Keats, his like, conciliére, slash secretary slash prison wife, we don't get into that, brings him a copy of the like, some like economic reports because he's like into economics, and a copy of the Illustrated London News because it's got a picture of the Queen in it, and as, as Bridger is like telling him, you know, like, some of the young lot in E-Block aren't standing to attention for the national anthem, so like threaten them until they do, he goes into his cell, which I can only describe as Angloid. NGOLAID Normal English guy, I might not say. ALICE Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:41 NGOLAID Normal stuff. ALICE He's got the, he's got the like,, kind of frilly lampshade, so you remember he's gay, and it's also then wallpapered entirely with pictures of the queen. RILEY Entirely. ALICE Like, floor to ceiling. Troubling. This is... RILEY Just looks like a serial killer.

Starting point is 00:30:55 ALICE He belongs in that prison. This is not healthy. RILEY That's all above the Dido Rail, it's all above the Dido Rail, interesting. It's all about the... ALICE AND ZOE LAUGHING. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS.

Starting point is 00:31:08 ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ALICE SINGS.

Starting point is 00:31:16 ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS.

Starting point is 00:31:24 ZOE SINGS. ALICE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. ZOE SINGS. Charlie Crocker beat him up. Oh yeah, beat him like, a little bit, you know, don't kill him, but do like, fuck him up. Slap him about a bit. Yeah. I want him given a good going over. Um, and so... Just get him rock hard, but no further. Edge this man. So Camp Freddy and two goons, not sure of their names, gonna say one of them is Femboy Dave.

Starting point is 00:31:41 Yeah, definitely. Go and wait outside Charlie's flat, or squat, really, only to discover that Lorna has just walked in on him with three more women we used to be a real country. I don't know why she's mad, because she did get him the eight other women. RILEY Well this is what he says. He points this out. He's like, you didn't mind at the hotel, and she's like, that was a coming out present. ALICE Inconsistent polyamory, you can't just have it be situational like that, you didn't mind at the hotel and she's like, that was a coming out present. Inconsistent polyamory. You can't just have it be situational like that.

Starting point is 00:32:09 You need clear boundaries. Well, they didn't have spreadsheets then, you know? That's true. She's like trying to attack him and he's fending her off with like a big cuddly toy bear that is making inexplicable noises for the whole scene. She's attacking him with like a blow high or something. So they have this like stuffed animal fight, which is quite cute. It is, but it's also very, she's attacking him with like a blow high or something, so they have this like stuffed animal fight, which is quite cute.

Starting point is 00:32:27 It is, but it's also very- it's a bit carry on. Like some of the 60s comedy in this, this is the more dated kind. It's good staging though, because it's a nice way of telling us that this argument is not really going to come between them, if they're like literally play fighting. Of course, then Camp Freddy and the goons show up to beat him up. Fanboy Dave and Gooner Chan. Yeah, and he's like, you wouldn't hit a man with no thigh highs on, would you? And they're like, go put your fucking thigh highs on them.

Starting point is 00:32:58 Immediately tries to escape. It ends in a fight in which it's implied that Camp Freddy gets beaten up because he's gay and therefore worse at fighting, I think. He looks a little bruised in the next scene. LUIS I didn't notice that. I did notice that Charlie appears not to be worse aware at all, but... ALICE No. No, I think he wins that fight.

Starting point is 00:33:18 But so, Bridger is out on a confected, like, dentist's visit, in which a bunch of dentists are sitting around smoking and gambling, he holds court with his cigar. One of them's running the drill occasionally, it's like, it's fun. It's a dental cigar. Yeah. Change my mind. Get the guy who just beat up back, cause we wanna do this job. On that little rotating table attached to the big dentist arm's like, just a crystal decanter of brandy

Starting point is 00:33:46 on there, as well, which I found to be very cool. ALICE That was still the primary anesthetic, because it just made cocaine illegal, so... it's topical. RILEY You had a one in one out policy, so homosexuality was decriminalized and then cocaine was made illegal. ALICE So he's seen things about this Chinese gold going to fiat, and he's like, oh my god, they're actually gonna make money on this, so we have to get in on this.

Starting point is 00:34:09 But, we need a computer guy. We need to find someone to run the computers. To which you get a very funny exchange, because Camp Freddy's like... Maybe the professor's not bent. Camp Freddy. Everybody in the world is bent. Noel Coward chewing scenery, having a fantastic time. Yeah, especially on that wing of the prison.

Starting point is 00:34:33 Yeah, so, Professor Peach is gonna be the computer guy. They go to visit his address, where it's his, I don't know, like, nan or something. Sister, I think. We do some more boardiness here, because it's like... We do some old woman comedy. Because it's Benny fucking Hill! Yeah! It's Benny fucking Hill, yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:53 Yeah, this is an unusual scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like the British version of a Marvel movie, where every time a new character turns up, you're like, it's the guy from The Thing! Yeah. Like, oh fuck! It's Benny Hill. British Avengers? Oh shit, it's Captain Boardy! Benny Hill, avengers oh shit it's captain boarding you know the moving around yeah comedy nonce um because it emerges that he has been institutionalized in a home for molesting their their maid

Starting point is 00:35:22 who is a larger woman. Yeah, can you explain to me what the joke is here? Because we hear that he's been institutionalized for doing something obscene with Annette, and then Annette comes in and she's just like, she's a woman- Well she's fat, so it'd be funny for him to be like, a rapist towards her, because she's ugly. Like that's the joke, that's 100% the content of the joke. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:42 But she's not- It's not good. No, I know It's not good. No, I know it's not good. But like, you gotta remember, they had never seen an ass before. In the 60s. Right. But also she's not that fat.

Starting point is 00:35:52 She's... Doesn't matter. She's like 60s fat, which is to say that she was emaciated 20 years ago because all she had to eat was rations. So it's like... Okay. The textual joke here, I think, is like, fat woman chaser? Something which is then confirmed as they go and meet Professor Peach, who fully hits the...

Starting point is 00:36:11 He's the best computer guy we've got. He's also a sexual deviant. Because, in this home, he's like, he's doing Benny Hill bits, brackets, sexual pervert, because he's like, if you installed like a mirror on the flagpole at such and such an angle, you could see into Matron's bedroom, who is also a fat woman, and the way that they essentially break him out on the look of the picture of lust on his face is just, it's very funny, it's like, um, this is weird, right? It is strange that they locked him up for liking fat women. I suppose they locked him up for assaulting.

Starting point is 00:36:57 Well again, it's the one in one out, you know, like, they've decriminalized homosexuality to make it illegal to like fat women. Right, right. criminalized homosexuality. Just on the liking fat women wing of prison. We can't have everything going crazy here. We've got to maintain some decorum. We're gonna try this for a bit. Yeah. There's inserts at the Lord's, they were like, well, we just gotta bounce it out. I'm so glad they decriminalized that. If you like the fatties, you're gonna have to go for blokes.

Starting point is 00:37:26 Sorry. That's the way it is. Weirdly late they decriminalized it as well, it was like in the 2010s or something. Actually in some parts of Kent the council just continued making it illegal. The liberals exchanged it for benefit cuts. Cut. So we get a briefing scene, which is where I get that we are going to do a job in Italy.

Starting point is 00:37:49 But from but there's also there's also a bit where Michael can kind of one shots me because he's like, I'm going to introduce you all to each other. But I'm going to do it like it's a BBC panel show in 2005. First, Bill Bailey. Pretty good. the many. Cockneys, Posh Boys, one woman, a gay guy, one black guy, and then we're all working for an insanely rich person who has weird opinions about who's allowed to use the toilet. And like that's the whole, that's the diversity of modern Britain. Yeah, they got Russell Howard, they got Reginald D Hunter, they got... Clyde Anderson.

Starting point is 00:38:41 A woman. Sarah Asko. Sarah Millican is here. Clive Anderson. All right. A woman. Yeah. Rascal Asko. Yeah. Yeah. Sarah Millican is here. Fennel's got a good Sarah Millican. I love robbing a big bank in Italy.

Starting point is 00:38:57 Because afterwards I can have a little keek. You be fucking careful. I hope Benny Hill doesn't try and shag us. You be fucking careful. I hope Benny Hill doesn't try and shag us. I'm not going to be taking this kind of anti Geordie shit on my podcast. She's been brought on board purely as bait. I've been doing some anti Geordie racism because I can't stop thinking about the tweet that I saw the other day that was like heard a Geordie on the phone saying I suffer massively from mental health and I saw this post.

Starting point is 00:39:27 Suffer massively from mental health. Oh me mental health. Oh you would. Just been in the gut. Just been in my head. But yeah so. Wait is Sarah Millican from Newcastle or is she from Sunderland? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:39:38 I don't know. She's certainly a North East lady. We don't have time to get into like arcane North Eastern beefs because as we said we've got the whole team here. We've got the like posh twink mini drivers. We've got big William from South Shields. She's good. Okay. We've got big William, who is the one person of color they know and is in this movie. Yep. And we got like Camp Freddy and then we got miscellaneous Cockneys. That's the team. Yes. some posh boys too, there's a few posh boys who are like, ew I'll be driving one of the minis. Charles.

Starting point is 00:40:07 Those are the mini twinks, yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. So they immediately go and fuck around. We're racing drivers, we're all posh. They immediately go and fuck around on the track and destroy a bunch of cars. This is ideal. This is how they destroyed, you know, half the minis they were given. This is the top gear segment. Sorry Charlie, you see the thing is we're all drunk.

Starting point is 00:40:24 From one after. We started at 10am. I've had 14 gin and tonics. minis they were given or two thirds of them. Sorry Charlie, you see the thing is we were all drunk. We started at 10am. I've had 14 gin and tonics. Yeah, and this is the bit where we get the line from the movie that everyone remembers, you know, you're only supposed to blow the bloody back doors off. You're only supposed to blow the back walls in. Yeah, you're only supposed to blow the back walls in. It's good, it's fine.

Starting point is 00:40:42 It's like, compellingly shot, right, and it's such a weird line delivery that it like, sticks in your head. Master Wayne, some men just want to blow up the entire car. Despite the fact that they were instructed otherwise. We were talking about this before we came on, that like, I don't have a good Michael Kane, whereas you Milo have like a drop down of Michael Caine's, you've got like sub-show rest. You've got several Kains on there. Michael Caine in this film is like this, it's very tight, it's up there, and then Michael Caine and Leia Lough, it's the husky sort of face, like, you must understand Master

Starting point is 00:41:19 Wayne. A mini the size of a tangerine. I have it on Good Authority that Michael Caine is a nice guy in real life, because one of my drivers on the thing I'm currently filming used to be Michael Caine's driver, and says that he's actually a lovely guy. I think you can say he used to be Michael Caine. Like it's like James Bond, like he gets traded off. He used to blame Michael Caine, no.

Starting point is 00:41:40 Apparently Michael Caine is lovely, so Michael Caine, come on the pod. Cartoon! Yeah, I stan Michael Caine is lovely, so Michael Caine, come on the pod. Cartoon! Yeah, I stand Michael Caine. I'll have that. So we get some more of Bridges' increasingly ludicrous control of the prison, because he's being shown some filming that they've done in advance in Italy, that Camp Freddie has done, where Camp Freddie's wandering around Turin, speaking very loudly into a microphone, being like, well I think the bank robbery that we're going to do here is like plausible.

Starting point is 00:42:08 And the whole time in the back, there's the Italian mafia guy who looks a lot like Fabio Capello, just kind of reading a newspaper threateningly or whatever. So on the pretext of organizing a funeral for that great Aunt Nellie, Bridget gets day released from prison and basically briefs the whole gang at the funeral. And he tells Charlie, like, the Mafia are gonna be waiting for you, they will fuck you up. This is now a matter of national pride, because even though the Mafia traditionally don't enjoy banks and money staying in the banks, they're not gonna let some fucking jumped up English startup come and rob their fucking bank on their turf. So don't fuck this up.

Starting point is 00:42:42 ALICE It's a question of prestige. And it's not subtle, right, because it's like- They hit you with rule Britannia, like- Yeah. The England vs Italy football match happening at the same time as the England vs Italy crime match? So, they are briefed, and then they drive onto the grimist, greyest ferry in the world and go over the channel and I'm like, this is a horrible country. Hell yeah. Awful.

Starting point is 00:43:08 Yeah, cool. Well, they gotta get the ferry, because they need to bring three Mini Coopers with them, that you've seen in the background of some of the shots. They need to bring a lot of cars, they've got a lot of cars. Three Mini Coopers, two E-type Jaguars, which, mmm, and the Aston Martin DB4. They're going off the cliff, I wouldn't... I know, I know, I allowed myself to get attached, but the mafia are constantly waiting for them, suited and booted in the Alps.

Starting point is 00:43:29 Yeah, same, same location. Heartbreaking. Or, like, placed around, like, the fucking UN in, like, the Lupin movies. Now, now, leave a bit of room on the way back, boys, because we're gonna pick up 600 of those little beers in Calais. And a couple of bottles of sherry for the ladies. ALICE Heartbreaking scene. Where-

Starting point is 00:43:49 NICOLAS Say what you will, they're onto something. ALICE Fabio Capello, as I am now thinking of him, is like, it's fucked up that you're gonna do this crime, we killed 009 for trying to do this crime, nice cars, we're gonna have the guy with the bulldozer, like, donk the cars over the head, essentially, and like, break the roofs. Just the roofs. And, you know. And then throw them over the cliff. SONIA Yeah. And Michael Caine warped off killing him, he's like, no, don't kill us, because there's a quarter of a million Italians in Britain,

Starting point is 00:44:18 and if you kill us, Mr. Bridger will have every Italian business, every pizzeria, every restaurant, every wine bar in the UK will be smashed. Ice cream parlour is driven into the sea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking July, I understand. It's a very nice Franco Manker that you've got here. It would be a shame, wouldn't it? If anything were to happen to it. Are you familiar with Pizza Express? Or let me tell you.

Starting point is 00:44:46 Such an odd threat for them to be like, yeah, now if you kill us there's gonna be a pogrom against the Italians. I also wrote anti-Italian pogrom. What do you mean? Like that's the stake you're putting down? Are they not white yet? But it works. Pogromo. It's also funny the idea that the mafia- They're not white in this movie. the mafia cares about Italians specifically, like every nation's organized crime is kind of like representing the school almost. I fucking hope they are.

Starting point is 00:45:15 I don't have a massive intersection with British organized crime, but I hope they're like keeping the end up. If you're involved in British organized crime, don't write in. I feel like British organized crime is mostly hanging out in Spain, you know? It really lets the side down. British organized crime will get in. It should be a felony to any Turkish person. Actually, I do remember a taxi driver in Newcastle once telling me that the Polish mafia had

Starting point is 00:45:37 moved into Newcastle in a big way and taken it away from British organized crime, and I was just like, oh man, that sucks. It's brutal, you know? It's so fucked. It's always the thing with this country, right? We're not like, inculcating like, homegrown talent, right? British talent for British mafia, that's what I've always said. Nobody wants to do crimes anymore. The kids want it all ended too. They all want to work!

Starting point is 00:46:02 But, so, Senor Alta Bene, this mafia guy says says, alright we're not gonna kill you, but as we say in Italy, Vaffanculo, which means fuck off. Yeah, go home. They push one car off the cliff. And we see later on in this beautiful dinner that the mafia are having, that the Americans are with them, specifically. Like, and the American is kind of an oaf, and it falls to Senior Alta Bene to be like, ah, don't count out the English! They're not as stupid as they look, right? And this is a

Starting point is 00:46:37 recurring power fantasy on our part, right? We know we're ridiculous, but we always want the countries that are, like, slicker than us to kind of acknowledge, like, oh, ridiculous, but we always want the countries that are like, slicker than us, to kind of acknowledge like, oh okay, but they do have something going on. This film made me wonder if Italy were aware of this kind of international rivalry, or whether the Italians' reaction to the Italian job was just like, huh? What? Yeah. This is the thing, like, it's a British fantasy of competition, for sure.

Starting point is 00:47:01 Actually, in Italy, in the dub, they changed it to the French job. ALICE The French job was what Michael Caine was getting off those eight women. ALICE God. So Charlie sabotages a power station by throwing a bicycle into it, don't worry about it, and the boys infiltrate the Turin traffic control center, and we get some comedy sneaking with Benny Hill Hill and they exchange in the like, it's actually I think one of the first computer hacking scenes in

Starting point is 00:47:29 a movie, right? They put this like malicious software, this reel to reel tape into the machine. I love it. It's a really easy hack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now that they've been threatened, Michael Caine's like, all right, we gotta get the women out of this movie. Yeah. Lorna, it's time for you to leave the film. Yeah, because you're a liability. Lorna, you've been fined thus far on the plane. Back you go.

Starting point is 00:47:53 To be fair, she does immediately prove him right about being a liability because she like out him very loudly in the queue for the plane by like shouting his name and saying she loves him. But- Mm-hmm. Good luck with your criminal job, Charlie. I really hope the secret robbery goes well. I do kind of want to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on the plane. I do kind of fuck. I do kind of wonder whether he just wanted like boys weekend in Milan at this point with his gay friends.

Starting point is 00:48:21 Like finally a tailor is not not gonna be rude to me. ALICE So... and we see them unloading the gold. The silliest convoy of, like, Italian weird vehicles. DARREN Yeah, I love this. RILEY Huge fucking shout out to this, because we'd originally seen this convoy on, like, a black and white briefing film, so you don't realize until you finally see it in the movie that they are moving this gold in a big golden van. Yep, hello there.

Starting point is 00:48:47 With a big silver sicurezza on the side. I knew. Fantastic. So, it's like I would have painted it maybe like differently to the bonus ship in like Space Invaders, you know? Like, what are you doing here? Loro secreto. This looks like a prize car.

Starting point is 00:49:07 Yeah, this is the thing, I appreciate the nation of Italy deciding to make things kind of very clear semiotically, like a red sports car says this is the car that's designed to go fast, a big gold van says this van is full of gold. That's got the gold in it. The side of an Alp says, dispose of your used vehicles here. So, they do the planning scene, which distinguishes itself from all of the military films that were coming out about the same time, about the Second World War, where one of the posh twinks is like, should we synchronize our watches?

Starting point is 00:49:38 And Michael Caine's like, ah, nuts to your watches. And so they agree on the plan, which is, as they're gonna control the traffic to drive the convoy into this one piazza, where they're gonna block it off to separate it from the escorts, they're gonna steal the van with the Land Rover, unload the van into the minis, drive the minis away. Easy peasy. Easy. However.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Professor Peach assaults a fat woman on a tram, gets arrested, and as far as I can tell, they leave his ass in Italian prison. Oh yeah, nah. He's done. That's the movie for him. He does end up in Italian prison. He did not manage to keep himself from being a fat woman chaser in Italy, and got himself arrested, and they just leave him.

Starting point is 00:50:23 Like, they just don't even think about it at about it. A dangerous gamble for any chaser. It's like shot for shot a version of that scene from fucking Con Air except it's a fat woman. Like it just re-inflicted this predator on Italy, I guess, and then just left him there. We're attacking you to warn you, jail. Or as we call it in Italy, a jail. He's on the fat woman chaser wing of Italian prison. God, yeah, the smell on that wing. Fuck me. Back in the 60s you used to be able to get at the chasers. Speaking of smells, we also talked to the drunkest, sweatiest man who was covered in

Starting point is 00:51:03 like England fan gear. Who the fuck is this bastard? I dunno. Yeah, he's someone. He's part of the plan, I guessiest man who is covered in, like, England fan gear. Yeah, who the fuck is this bastard? I dunno. Yeah, he's someone. He's part of the plan, I guess. When was he brought in? I dunno, but he's gonna drop off the, like, packages containing the fucking, uh, like, devices.

Starting point is 00:51:15 Security camera jammers. He's Gadget Baz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, he leaves the movie after this. He does, yeah. And we see Charlie has to, like, organize all of this, which is- he does mostly by the experience of, like, shouting at people and pushing them, because they're all fucking around. The fit, I won't talk about the fit, because they will have to get changed into their heist outfit,

Starting point is 00:51:32 which is a really cunty blue tracksuit with white piping, and I'm like, did you give that job to the gay tailor as well, or is that store bought? Did you just go to Italy and get it? It's very moonraker. It is actually, yeah, like coordinated jumpsuits is good. It's also kind of a football team, to be like, oh we're gonna suit up for the big match. The Land Rover even has a GB sticker on the back just to really rub it in. It is quite tense, the build up to the heist, as they are following the convoy through Italy.

Starting point is 00:52:06 Senor Alta Bene and his boys are also following it too. There's no music over any of this, which is an interesting choice, and it goes on for like a good 15 minutes as they follow the convoy, and are like building up. We get the shots of inside the like traffic control room, the like CCTV cameras shutting down one by one, and Italians like shouting at each other more and more. This is where I get the 60s Italian woman dysphoria. A lot of Italian women in suits in these. Oh yeah. And also the traffic lights are going haywire because Professor Peach's, like, chaser program is interfering with them.

Starting point is 00:52:36 Chaser.exe is now running on the network. I have to say. Yeah, well, it rearranges the traffic lights so that any fat woman in a car gets directed towards him. A traffic jam of fat women outside the gates of Italian prison. This is a very predictable sentence for a trans woman to say, but I love old computer. I love realtor realtor. Really good. Really good sound effects.

Starting point is 00:53:02 When they do eventually pop smoke and attack the convoy, the cops have a water cannon like it's Takeshi's castle. Because they're driving this like armored personnel carrier behind the thing, and it's only after they light a guy up with it that you realize it's a water cannon and you go, okay, this is less of a big deal than I imagined. I thought it was bullets too. Yeah, I thought there'd be bullets coming out of that thing. ALICE I guess having a guy get bisected by machine gun fire kind of changes the vibe.

Starting point is 00:53:30 But yeah, no, it's like, as Italy is pushed into chaos, and this movie really does take the case that, like, traffic lights are the thin veneer of civilization over Italian savage light. ALICE The thin red, yellow, and green light. LIAM Yes. I mean, the most ahistorical thing there is when have Italians ever paid attention to a traffic light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:50 But the actual robbery, they throw some smoke grenades, they separate the, like, secret savanne from the mob and everyone, and it's a very, like, popular memory of the Great Train robbery kind of robbery, in that it's guys getting bonked over the head. ALICE Yeah, they don't just shoot people. ZACH Yeah, it's smashing crap. This isn't like a subtle heist, they just blow smokes and just start hitting people with two-by-fours. ALICE There was kind of a belief in Britain until,

Starting point is 00:54:16 I think fairly recently, that getting bonked over the back of the head with a big bit of wood was not that bad for you. ZACH It's basically fine, yeah. ALICE That explains a lot about our country. ZACH It turns you off for a bit, and then you're okay. It's not really, like, violent, or whatever. And I remember reading about the Great Traitor Opry, which is still kind of remembered as, we'll do something about it, I'm sure, still remembered as, like, the perfect crime in

Starting point is 00:54:38 Britain, right? And what happened was, you know, a couple of guys got, like, coshed over the back of the head, or whatever. And it's like, oh yeah, one of of guys got like, coshed over the back of the head, or whatever. And it's like, oh yeah, one of those guys just never worked again, by the way. And it's like, hmm, I'm not sure, maybe it was odd of us to develop this theory of like, this is a non-violent crime that we're doing. But so- Well, as long as you say bosh while you do it, it's fine.

Starting point is 00:55:01 Bosh, yeah. BASH. BASH. it's fine. Bosh! Yeah. Baaash! Baaash! Couldn't do the train robbery in Britain now, couldn't find a fucking train to rob. Couple of Italian cops got bonked over the head. The water cannon guy got bonked over the head. Figure out the great train robbery in Britain right now, just wait and you get it all back on delay repay anyway.

Starting point is 00:55:20 It's a shit public transit system, but it is free if you just wait. Now, now listen lads, we've bought an open return. Now what we're going to do is we're going to find out which trains for the delay, which trains for the day have been delayed. And then we're going to claim we were on all of those trains. We're going to get back more in the face value with a ticket. Doing the great train robbery when it stops at Birmingham. Yes. The great replacement bus robbery. Yes!

Starting point is 00:55:51 Yes! There it is. There it is. So they get the van into like the separate little bit. Drive it into a church and like seal the doors behind them. Yeah. I like the like skirmish line of guys with two by fours that Charlie forms to like fend off anyone who tries to interfere. They do in fact blow the bloody doors off and then they stick all the gold in the back of their minis. Yep, a bunch of silly little Italian police cars rock up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, silly Italian police cars, Nino, Nino, etc. Yeah, this is the bit where we get the like non-subtitled Italian dialogue and I don't speak Italian. I'm not going to learn Italian, but I can derive what the movie wants me as an English speaker to think about Italians from this because the

Starting point is 00:56:34 cops get there. They waste a bunch of time saluting each other, but then use one of the trucks that the robbers have brought to try and knock the door down in a way that seems like it's going to work, but then tips one of the cars it's carrying onto one of the cop cars. From which you derive, Italians are pretentious, but clever, but maybe not as clever as they think they are, and always a bit funny. Which is something that, like, I don't know, your worst uncle is also likely to think. So you can reason back to that from first principles of, like, gammon or whatever. So you can reason back to that from first principles of like a gammon or whatever. So we get a shot, a really cool shot from inside the van as the police finally break in. The robbers are like long since gone and the van is empty. They drive off in the

Starting point is 00:57:16 minis. Some of them get away in a mini bus, which is made to look like a bunch of England fans, which is quite fun. Again, National Pride. And we get the big car chase from the Italian job. Here we go, it's the car chase from the Italian job. The mini bit everyone remembers. I have to say, there's a joke, there's a gag here where the three of the minis drive over a wet floor in an arcade, one of the cops chasing them on bikes slides off, and you get a shot of the guy who was mopping the floor doing the well now I have to mop this floor again expression, gets me every time. Got me this time as well.

Starting point is 00:57:48 There's still no music at this point, but they are charging their attack. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The minis start driving at this point and they are driving for the next 20 minutes of the movie. To big ol' garages. And they're just, just kinda doing bit. It's also fully a cartoon. It is, yeah. Yes.

Starting point is 00:58:05 One of them swipes a roast chicken as they drive past some outdoor diners, they drive past a wedding party, they do jumps and sick shit between rooftops and so on. They drive onto the roof of a stadium in a way that traps a cop up there, and there's a long shot of this one Italian cop and his car stuck on the middle of this roof, that's this perfect expression of human sorrow in the face of ridicule. And like- NARESH Because they use the Fiat test track, don't they?

Starting point is 00:58:37 ALICE They do, yeah. NARESH Which was on the roof of the Fiat factory in an insane Italian move. ALICE And I'm thinking about roles you're kind of casting England in against the world, right? And taking the piss? Not a bad one. Right? Um, meanwhile, Italy is in chaos. You see there's like a guy standing out of his sunroof smoking with his lopers on the

Starting point is 00:58:58 steering wheel. There are choir boys gambling in a van. There's a guy flirting through the window of his car and getting slapped by a woman through the window of her car. ALTABENI Many fat women outside the prison looking confused. ALICE Exactly. I love Italy.

Starting point is 00:59:10 Great country. ALICE Stop flirting with me, I'm on my way to the prison. ALTABENI Mr. Altabeni is like, we have to stop them now, they're going to get away, and I'm definitely going to be in more of the movie after we cut away from Minna. ALICE And it's just, there he goes. ALICE Yep, the mafia, operating, operating is another branch of the Italian government, and they're gonna like investigate the thing, whatever.

Starting point is 00:59:31 This is where we get the song. Yes, the movie fires its fucking Kamehameha into your dad, and he's never the same. Oh yeah. Yeah. The movies used to be like, well there's another thing movies used to be like, which I'm gonna explain in a second, but movies used to be like, here's an original song by the cast that is going to get stuck in your head forever. And they don't do that anymore. And I think that's a shame. Anime theme song openings do that. Weird handshake meme.

Starting point is 00:59:58 No, there's more anime that's like this than there are movies. There's a lot of like loop on the third that's like this. Yeah, definitely. So yeah, they drive across a weir in these minis, a weir is the like, like slightly subsurface water thing. Really sit a drown in, don't swim in a weir. Yeah, just drive over it in a mini to be safe. Yes. Yeah. It's a bit where the three minis like evade the the shitty little italian police car that's chasing them by driving into like a rack of displays of other minis yeah and the sign behind them says the mini cooper reads innocent it's like okay all right if you want a car that

Starting point is 01:00:39 says acquitted of all charges um so they drive across this- Ah, Luke Besson's car. They drive across this weird- and the cop car doesn't make it. I have to say, Siren slowly dying. Yes, we love it. One of my favorite comedy songs. Also all those cops around. Should've invested in the Hamburg police aqua car. Get catched or eel-witch. Should've tried beam-brish. the minis drive into a tunnel and here's the thing i have a huge grin on my face at this point in the middle because how do you do this shit right they're like that is the point yeah like a bunch of this for the modern viewer you could watch this and be like yeah that's

Starting point is 01:01:19 kind of like normal because nowadays you would just make this on the computer or you'd have a drone flying it or whatever. Quite a lot of the points of the driving in this is to get the shot, like, to push the boundaries of the shots that you could get on a physical film camera. And how the fuck they filmed all of these guys in that tunnel. It's... yeah. I have no idea. It's really cool.

Starting point is 01:01:42 It's something about, like like audacity, right? In the sense that movies used to be very casually, like, thanks for coming to see our movie on like, you know, like a wet Sunday afternoon or whatever. Here's some shit you've never seen before in your life, right? And the only films that are still doing that are made by Tom Cruise or the Indian film industry. Outside of that, it's just not happening. I think it's happening in TV actually, if HBO, that's quality in every frame, baby pushing the boundaries all the time. So anyway, they- I watch movies. But like, like the like in The Matrix, the fucking 360 camera thing had never been done before. Like you used to invent new ways of taking photos for movies. I would invent new ways of faking photos.

Starting point is 01:02:30 ALICE They sabotaged the last cop car by slamming a big grate onto it. The two cops inside turn into obvious mannequins before it rolls into a river, but they do destroy more cars. That's great. Perfect. Perfect. ALICE Yeah, well before the car goes to its final resting

Starting point is 01:02:44 place, the river, of course, where all cars must eventually go. They're like salmon, right? They have to return to it. To spawn, yeah. From the river they come, and to the river they shall return. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:56 So back in Britain, Mr. Bridger is told in prison that they have pulled off the robbery, and there is a crowd of prisoners cheering for him. LILIANA Cheering for England as well? ALICE Yes! They're doing the, like, ancient claps. Yeah, but- ZACH Yeah, they're doing the full, like, ZACH JORDY's! ZACH Mr. Bridger!

Starting point is 01:03:13 ZACH You know, like, crimes! It's good. ALICE We're gay! ZACH Yeah, that one. ALICE We see that he waves to them like the Queen does. Which is funny. It's cute. Beautiful. He's getting salutes off the guards. It's like, on the one hand it's a mean surface level Queen joke, but on the other it's like, no, this is fully saying that, like, Britain is gay prison territory. Oh, incidentally, England also won the World Cup.

Starting point is 01:03:50 Oh yeah, perfect. Sure. Yeah, yeah, just at the same time. Prison didn't turn me gay, I turned prison gay. Oh yeah. So they move them, they drive the minis up into the back of a bus, with a little bit of difficulty. How do they do this?

Starting point is 01:04:03 Like, it's insane. Yeah, pretty sick. That they literally have to drive these minis up a tiny little ramp. It looks so dangerous. Yeah, the last one gets it wrong a couple of times in a way that was clearly so much harder to do than getting it right. Yeah! Like, the way that they had to drive to do it wrong is... Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:04:20 Yeah. So they unload, because now all the minis are in the back of the bus, they unload the gold from the minis and then as they're driving up the Alps, they throw the minis, as is Suna, off the fucking Alp. It's the only way to get rid of them. I watched this with my wife, and the first mini goes over and its doors spring open and it kind of cartwheels down the Alp, and doors sprang open, she went, Oh, it's little arms. They had no way to fake these shots. They just sent these minis off. Some minis were

Starting point is 01:04:56 harmed. I wondered about the types earlier on. I wondered whether those were real types being crossed to whether they were just cars that were made to look like he types. I hope they were. They could. They could kill a car a car had no value to them. The red one explodes, which is pleasantly kind of... Yeah, it has a great like, every time the mini goes off a cliff, you cut to a front shot of the guy driving and he's reflected in the mirror, grinning like a... when the last one explodes, I want to cut back to him and go like, oh! ALICE It does hit the live Big William reaction

Starting point is 01:05:30 thing, yeah. He's in one corner of the thing. ZACH Hey, Big William, he's in this movie. Not a ton of lines, but they're not mean to him. So that'll do. ALICE And we get a kind of like, the Englishman celebrates thing in the back of this bus as they are pouring beer all over the stolen gold, which is sliding from side to side as Big William drives.

Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah. Back and forth into Alps, he's doing those big switchbacks. Our country is a terrible place. But it's kind of fun. Compels. It's the same thing as the guy with the road flare up as us, you know? It's like, sometimes... Exactly.

Starting point is 01:06:04 Sometimes... Yeah, sometimes... Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. That would have been a great distraction in the center of Turin. We don't know where those smoke bombs are coming from. That's fucking illegal now! You can't pop smoke at a protest now.

Starting point is 01:06:15 You can't even put a road flare up your arse anymore because of Anti-Woke! They criminalized putting a road flare up your arse? First Palestine action and now this? I think they've criminalized popping smoke at protests. Jesus. I think that's in the crime and police sentencing bill. Well then that's the workaround, you've gotta stick the road flare in your arse and say it's not a protest, I'm here for the euros.

Starting point is 01:06:35 It's a celebration. Yeah. I'm early. This is pro whatever's happening. An unjust law is no law at all, you know? If you care about civil liberties in this country, then... Stick a road flare up your arse.

Starting point is 01:06:47 Stick a road flare up your arse, yeah. Keir Starmer's gonna make everyone take the road flare up their arse. It'll be the law, yeah. It's gonna make you take it out of your arse. Yeah. I refuse. I forget that the crash is kind of Big William's fault, right, because he gets... he's driving too fast because he's exhilarated and that sucks.

Starting point is 01:07:06 He's a little in the stride. You're also still getting away, you know? I'd understand if he was driving a bit fast. Yeah, yeah. But he like slides the bus over the Alp, and it's hanging off the edge of the Alp. Mm-hmm. Well, the bus wants to go home. It's experiencing suicidal ideation.

Starting point is 01:07:22 Yeah. It's like, the Alp is right there. My resting place. The call of the void, you know, it's experiencing suicidal ideation. It's like, the Alp is right there, my resting place. ALICE The call of the void, you know, it's not just for drivers, there's no guardrails or anything. But yeah, so, I think as well, just to tie it together about the declineism, right, is that like, this is so British that even in our fantasies we don't win. And it's interesting because this is a kind of sublimated cope about the football. To be like, 69, you know, we won one World Cup a few years ago. We can like the last

Starting point is 01:07:49 one even we can we've still got it. We've still got it. We're not going to just like fuck it up forever from now on. The actual football matches is like meant to be no no draw. Right. Exciting. Yeah. But we changed that. We changed it to a win. But we also did like, okay, well, okay. Real life we acknowledge we're not doing so well in a win. But we also did like, okay, well, okay, real life, we acknowledge we're not doing so well in football, but crimes, we're so good at crimes. Or in general. I mean, like, this is this is three years after the Suez crisis, like Britain is fucking over here. And there's a degree to which the sort of celebration of Britain ending with them sort of like, literally on a cliffhanger is... Teetering on the edge.

Starting point is 01:08:25 I dunno, there's something to that. So the gold is weighing them down, is the point, and they all kind of crowd towards one end of the bus as it's tilting, and then Charlie tries to crawl to it but it just slides further and further away. It's got a big Union Jack, someone's left sticking out of it as well, just to really hammer the point home. And yeah, they can't quite reach without, like, tipping them all over and every time he tries the goal kind of slides further away from him.

Starting point is 01:08:51 SONIA That is how the movie ends. ALICE The movie ends with the line, alright lads, I've just had a brilliant idea. Which is dogtooth again, it's like, do you believe in the movies or not? SONIA Well, it's not actually because there's also in that line, he says, I've just had a great idea, uh... Yeah. That's the line.

Starting point is 01:09:12 He's lying flat on the ground at this point, trying to reach it with his very fingertips. It's funny, right? It's not dogtooth in the exact same sense, because it's a British-inflected version where it's like, we are making this shit up as we go along because we're stupid. But, somehow, always works out for us. I've just had a great idea. First of all, I need eight of you to dress up as sexy ladies. That's the thing! Fucking Chekhov's chaser! Because if they hadn't left Professor Peach in prison, they would have had more weight towards the front end of the bus, and they wouldn't have been in this fucking problem.

Starting point is 01:09:45 They're calling him, they're like, bring the fat ladies. Break out of Italian prison. In this situation what you have to do is you have to move everyone close towards the front end of the bus as possible, nominate the lightest crew member to get out, grab rocks from the roadside and load them up in the front end. Smart. There you go. Is that why you have all that gold, Abbie?

Starting point is 01:10:04 Yes it is. Oh, okay. Well, fair reward for ingenuity. Thank you. Yeah, smart. There you go. There you go. See? Is that why you have all that gold, Abbey? Yes it is. Oh, okay. Well, fair reward for ingenuity. Thank you. Yeah, totally. But that's the Italian job. That's the Italian job.

Starting point is 01:10:13 That is the Italian job. How do we feel about the Italian job, the movie? I loved it. Like, closing thoughts on... Oh, okay. Yeah, just straightforwardly loved it. Yeah. I had a good time.

Starting point is 01:10:23 Makes you proud to be British. It's fun, I like that there's gay people loved it. Yeah. I had a good time. Makes you proud to be British. It's fun, I like that there's gay people in it. I might have liked if there'd been like more than one woman who wasn't just like stuck on a plane two thirds of the way through, but like okay. Well there was only one woman then. It's true, yeah. She was American. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:41 They could have like any of the like heist members could have been a woman and it wouldn't have affected any of them. Yeah. They could have, like, any of the, like, heist members could have been a woman and it wouldn't have affected anything. Yeah, exactly. But make them women. On the other hand, one of them was gay and it didn't affect anything. Like he wasn't, Cam Freddy was there the whole time and he wasn't doing, like, you know, gay noises. He was, he was participating.

Starting point is 01:10:58 He was. He was bonking dudes with the two-by-four. He was. I really do think that that was like part of the masturbation in this movie is being like, look at how nice we're treating the gay guy. Like I do, because like this is a last ditch effort to be like Britain's kind of got something to say for itself, right? Like we might not be like good on the international stage, you know, we might not be powerful or interesting or fun anymore, but like, fuck but like, fuck we can do a crime,

Starting point is 01:11:25 you know? At least we're better than the fucking Italians. And one of the main reasons for that is, we've accepted homosexuals. I mean, they're running the heist, start to finish, right? Yeah, very true. On the other hand, take it functionally that it is a gay-inclusive heist movie, like, that's a good thing to exist, I'm happy it does, even if it does for cynical reasons. I think that's more than can be said for the remake. That is true. Oh, certainly.

Starting point is 01:11:49 We'll get to the remake. I got a job for you when we finish off about the remake. I would be interested to see a modern remake of the Italian job, like a post-Brexit remake of it. Not the American remake, which obviously doesn't have much to say about Britain, but like, I think this would be a fun movie to remake now, with a more diverse cast and critically engaging with the history of Britain a little bit more. I think that would be interesting. ALICE The Bosch remake, finally.

Starting point is 01:12:14 ALICE Part of the reason why it doesn't is because Britain doesn't have the same film industry that it had in 1969. And that's part of where the film's politics comes from, and part of where its conservatism comes from, and part of where its conservatism comes from is, if you read Charlie Crocker being like, oh, maybe the Americans will fund it, he's talking about movies too, right? Because we stopped making movies of this kind in this country for a long time. Yeah. And we do have an enormous film industry in this country, but a lot of it is just funded and run by Americans.

Starting point is 01:12:43 Yeah, exactly. I could tell you stories of like, even movies that are essentially cast in the UK, what that actually means is the casting director here is emailing someone in an office in Los Angeles who's the person actually making the decisions. Yeah, or just kind of like where we have Pinewood Studios. Yeah, I think I've said this before on the podcast,

Starting point is 01:13:00 but some people in the American film industry have a derogatory name for British people and like British workers. They call us white Mexicans. ALICE and LIAM Geez. ALICE We are nowhere near cool enough to earn that title. LIAM No, no, no, no, no. Why not?

Starting point is 01:13:15 ALICE But we don't have to judge the Italian job, subjectively. We can judge the Italian job scientifically, using our science-based system invented in Britain. It's called the SCUMM system, it stands for Smaam Cultural Insensitivity, Unprovoked Violence, and Misogyny. On a scale of 0 to 7, how smaamy is the Italian job? It's gonna be a high number. It's gonna be very high. I don't think it's punitive though. Well, maybe actually- It is high, but it's good. I believe that it's punitive.

Starting point is 01:13:42 You're right, I think it could be slightly punitive. I worry it's been kind of wronged by its legacy, and that it's a very kind of like quotable by your dad movie. Yeah, this is in the same conversation as The Great Escape, you know, like this is one of those like Britain movies. I don't know if it necessarily should be in the same conversation, I don't know. God the Great greatest skateboard movie. This film I think in large part inspired Top Gear, and the damage that Top Gear has done to this country, not deliberately, but the damage that it has ended up doing to a generation

Starting point is 01:14:15 of boomer men in this country, is I think a big part of the reactionary movement we're currently in. Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong. In that regard, I'm inclined to judge it harshly. What do we think about a number then? Like, maybe like a... Eight? Like a... fuck, okay.

Starting point is 01:14:30 I mean, it is. It's very smarmy, and we're punishing it, so... Alright, so, eight, fine, eight out of seven. Cultural insensitivity. Crimes is like football, football is the finest arena for deciding what country is good or not. Yeah, and Italians are shit. Italians are shit.

Starting point is 01:14:50 British means English, and English is, like, cool in, like, a kind of, y'know, kind of bluffing way. Uh, Englishness? As always, we need to decide whether or not Italians are white for the purposes of this movie, I don't believe that this movie thinks they are. That they are not, this movie no. Um, Englishness is inclusive of gay posh boys, cockneys, one black guy and one woman. Exactly!

Starting point is 01:15:18 Which is not the most... What can you want? Yeah, more than that, I think. I think on that basis, it's gotta be like a four or a five. Four or five, yeah. Well it's not like explicit in the sense that like, it does the kind of footballish thing of being like, well we respect the Italians even as we deride them for being shit, sort of. I want to say four, I guess.

Starting point is 01:15:43 Yeah, like national chauvinism, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unprovoked violence, they do bonk those guys with planks. The bonking is not a major part of the movie though, crucially. And its relationship with violence is pretty trivial in the sense of Charlie being given a going over or whatever, it's not really a big deal, it's played down. The only person who gets killed is Mr. Lamborghini at the start, I think. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:10 Sadiq Khan with the only confirmed kill of the movie. Yeah. And that's like a bad thing too, to establish that the Mafia will fuck you up. I think that the armed robbery probably has to give it like, a couple? Like especially to frame it as like, it's like sport, especially to frame it as, like, it's like sport. ALICE Um, with planks? Can you- oh, that's armed. RILEY That was like a bunch of IEDs that they set

Starting point is 01:16:31 off around the square. Like, I don't wanna let them completely off. The big guy in the fuckin' England flag, like, rosette and scarf, is chucking IEDs into the bin. ALICE Three? ALICE Yeah, let's do three. RILEY Yeah, three. Yeah, let's do three. Yeah, three fucking- And then misogyny's gonna have to be high because the other act of unprovoked violence is Professor Peach noncing a fat Italian woman.

Starting point is 01:16:53 Yes. Which he does get punished for. Yes. You don't have to say that, but it is- It is sexual assault played for comedy. That's the comic relief. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also in terms of like women in the film, there's Lorna but then she just fucks off, and then the rest of the women are all just like set

Starting point is 01:17:06 dressing in their underwear and it's like, okay. RILEY Oh yeah, yeah, no, there's no female characters really. ALICE Five, six, six? RILEY I'd go six for this, comfortably. ALICE Yeah. Sure. Oh dear.

Starting point is 01:17:18 Oh dear. That is pretty high. That gives it a total score of 21. Which is pretty high. That gives it a total score of 21. Which is pretty high! I mean, especially considering how much I enjoyed the movie, but that is pretty high, I'm afraid. It's not about enjoyment, it's a ruthless critique of all that exists, and you know, we've worked out scientifically.

Starting point is 01:17:37 I mean, we're into the Connery. I think on the times I've been on this podcast, it's never correlated with how much we've enjoyed the movie. That's true. Never. Not once. No, and I don't think with how much we've enjoyed the movie. Never. Not once. No, and I don't think it has ever either. Not the points of it. Which goes to show that racism and misogyny make a movie good.

Starting point is 01:17:51 Yes! That's the only guess. Inclusion we can draw. Shit. It's like a Connery Bond, which I guess tracks for the time period. Danny Villeneuve, if you're listening. Yeah, Danny. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:03 I'm gonna do it. Danny, bring us on board. We know more about what makes a good Bond movie than anyone else in the world. ALICE We've studied Bondology. ALICE That is true. First in Bondology at Cambridge. RILEY Where's the director Roger Moore? Send him in.

Starting point is 01:18:15 ALICE Yes, number one. Oldest man you can imagine as Bond. ALICE It's interesting you mention Roger Moore, right, because that's kind of how I feel about the Italian job, but just by way of closing is, I feel a similar kind of British affection for, like, where I just go, oh you daft bastard. Like, us as a country, I do like England, I do like the United Kingdom, although the rest of it that isn't England doesn't get a look in in this movie. But I like it on the basis that it's ridiculous. And this is a movie that kind of acknowledges that and I appreciate that.

Starting point is 01:18:49 I'm fascinated by the prospect of like doing a modern remake of this and I'm gonna look up like who has the rights to this. I wonder if like- Oh, someone. I wonder if the rights are even still- John's color. Well it was made over 50 years ago, I wonder if you could do that. Waiting, waiting, Jason Statham.

Starting point is 01:19:03 Big John. Me! First of all, first and foremost, me! I wonder if you could do that. Danny Dyer. Jason Statham. Big John. Me! First of all, first and foremost, me! Jobs for the girls, okay? Yeah. Well, I actually do happen to have, I've got, I watched the advert for the remake of the Italian job that we're gonna be doing next week, and at the end of it they list off a

Starting point is 01:19:24 bunch of names, and I just just wanna give you this list of names because what an eclectic mix of fellas. Here we go. Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward Norton, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Moe's Def and Donald Southerman. Jason Statham. Wow.

Starting point is 01:19:41 What? This is Frank Transporter. What a mixer guys. It's like an Epstein flight logs release. It's that eclectic. What a mixer, guys. It's like an Epstein flight logs release, it's that eclectic. I feel like I've just absorbed several blows to the head. I... Seth Green.

Starting point is 01:19:55 I cannot lose. Mo's Def. Milo, we're gonna get you back on for that too. Kevin Smith. Because there is no escape from the Italian job zone. Thank you so much for joining us. If the people want more Milo... It's been a pleasure.

Starting point is 01:20:11 Trash Yucha, masters of our domain, Britinology, where else can they find you? Uh, glue factory, also. Glue factory. Too many podcasts, that's where I'm at. Uh, yeah, I'm online, I'm on Instagram, I'm on X.com, the everything app. I'm on Tik Tok. If you're, if you're 12, yeah. Milo Edwards or some variation of that everywhere. Check me out. Come see me live. Live shows are happening increasingly around the world. I've seen Milo's live shows and they're very good. I saw your live show. It was good.

Starting point is 01:20:40 Wonderful. Thank you very much. Another taping happening soon. Miloedwards.com. This will all be in the description. Dakota UK. I didn't get on that.com. Milo Edwards.com is owned by the black Milo Edwards, who's an American life coach and who's so much happier than I will ever be. So subscribe to the Patreon, listen to all of Milo's podcasts, and we will see you on the next bonus episode, which I think is going to be, is that Sam?

Starting point is 01:21:06 Oh God. Oh God. Oh, listen, we have a fucking treat for you on the fucking bonus. Let me give you the fucking preview right now. Mel Brooks is son in quotes, question mark, a movie in which a misogynist Andrew Tate figure is magically transformed into a woman and it is the most repressor egg shit we've ever seen that like to the point where it appears to have been directly made using tropes from like forced femme fanfics and we got Katy type pissy on to help us talk about it. If you if you are on the fence about the Patreon, now's the fucking time. Now's a fucking good time, because we are watching- I tell you one thing,

Starting point is 01:21:48 that movie ain't about fucking 9-11. And then the next mainline episode is going to be the Italian Job remake. Hell yeah. We'll see you for that. Bye everyone. Ciao! Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond, and thanks again to our

Starting point is 01:22:09 special guest Milo Edwards. If you want more Milo, go ahead and wait two weeks because he'll be on the next free episode, which is the Italian job, as stated in the body of the episode. And the next bonus episode, Sam with Katie Tie Pussy, was also mentioned in the body of the episode so I don't need to do a ton of forward sizzle. Hey, and if you are a patron of a show, thank you. And special thanks to our £15 and above patrons and those are LowBjorn's daughter Candy Fox, Freya, Other Wishes, Gustavo Lira, Hellspith Hunt, Jordan Gammie, Nick Boris, Mike Berg, Hannah Oberhardt, Devin's Advocate, George Roehak, Canada Will Remember Devin's Promise, Drone Lover, Yarek, Live Free or Cry, Melody, Morrow Gonzales, Labor, Delenda Est, Library Hitman, Tarbo, Tripp,

Starting point is 01:22:57 Jack Drummond, I'm gonna just call you Snowdonia from here on out? Max Germanehard, Rhoda Dendron, Athena V, Danielle Williams, Molly Powerslide, Ashley, Elite Erin, K-MayBeOK, Staz, Science Daddy, Vita Braver, Anne Hedonia, Mae Victoria Roth, imagine Sisyphus depicted as a Chad Wojak. Okay. Claire, Tim Welsh, Liz Rossi, Porris L. Novell, Arizona Frogstrangler I know there are curious gaps in my knowledge, and so I have room for hope. Parasocial Butterfly, Penis-Bearing Vaginoplasty, P.M. and Ardra a book called Don Quixote, some sort of silly Canadian creature, The Vixen Job, Getting 1890s Woman Dysphoria at the Art Institute,

Starting point is 01:23:44 Saturday's Claire. I think you should listen to Remember Me by Lesley Parrish. Lady Houndstooth. Robert De Niro in heat and I'm not apologizing. Chris Roth. Gilver Gilded Dragon. Claire Baker. A trans robot.

Starting point is 01:23:55 Cagodon. Sisyphus Hypno. Joyous Oo-Woo. Gender Swap Podcast. Tori's Just Another Pathetic Lesbian. Brackets complementary. Annie Ruby aka Big J Wetzky. Annie atop, meet popsicle, Finn Ross, Kai Enballadonna, defiant gender disaster, Devon

Starting point is 01:24:12 needs to stop being so sexy, no, cosmic parking lot, Annie of shenanigans, Lady Arianne, rope trick clarification, clairvoyance, Julia Koch, obsidianmer, Alex, Casquatch, Noblesse Obelahy, Seng Shen, Liz and Ash of University of Florida, Walscott, John2089, IsopodGal, Delta, Echo, Victor, The Duck Whisperer, WolfieIsNormal, Philippa Smith, Al Irwing, Caria, Josh Simmons, Abigail, LozPycock, Pandora, HjMagpie, MistressAngela, Aolus, Turfsie, Shit and Die Alone, Lauren Bastin, Miss Identified Lemon, Blew the Bloody Doors Off, Torquedip Tiger, Emily, Queen of Sloths, The Modern, Trans Girl and Ebert, Zoe Shepherd, Cassandra and Robert Greensmith. Thank you all for being patrons of our show! I'm going through this really quickly because

Starting point is 01:25:01 I have to close all the doors and the windows and turn the fan off in order to record this. And it's hot! It's hot today! Killer James Bond is, as always, Abigail Devon November, our producer is the wonderful Mr. Nate Pathay, our podcast art is by John DeLuca, our website is by Tom Allen, and I will see you on the bonus feed. Sign up for this one. Go ahead and sign up for this one.

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Kill James Bond! - S4E18: The Italian Job (1969)

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