Kill James Bond! - S4E22: Point Break

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

In a simpler time there were heroes with names like Johnny Utah who dedicated themselves to fighting crime. And there were criminals with names like Bodhi who sought a higher purpose, such as a wave so sick it kills you. These are their stories... ----- We've been nominated for Podcast of the Year at the ITV bCreator Awards! It’s public vote, so vote for us here under “creator shortlist”. should take about a minute, you don’t have to live in Britain to vote! www.bcreator.co.uk/awards/ ----- Friend of the show Bella, a refugee evacuated from Afghanistan in 2021, is raising money for her gender confirmation surgery! Anything you can give would be hugely appreciated! https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/team-bella ----- Check out friend of the show Mattie's new book Simplicity here, or wherever fine graphic novels are sold! ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. In our home, we talk a lot about how insane everything feels, and agonise constantly over what can be done to best help the Palestinians trapped in Gaza facing the full brunt of genocidal violence. My partner Rebecca has put together a list of four fundraisers you can contribute to- all of them are at work on the ground doing what they can. -Palestinian Communist Youth Union, which is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 -Thamra, which distributes herb and veg seedlings, repairs and maintains water infrastructure, and distributes food made with replanted veg patches https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-thamra-cultivating-resilience-in-gaza ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the every app account

Hello, it's Devon from potentially award-winning podcast, Kill James Bond, here. Once again, to bend your ear and ask you to vote for us. We're up for an award. You go to becreated.co.uk slash awards, select what you'd like to be voting in the creator shortlist, and then scroll down to the podcast creator of the year category. Vote for us and get on with your life. You don't have to live in the UK, you just need an email address, and you'll be able to vote. The winners of these will be revealed at an in-person awards show in October, and if we win, we get to make a speech, and we would all very much like to do that.

So, why not give a little back to the podcast that loves you by voting for us and letting us kind of lay into the entertainment industry a little bit on their dime? Doesn't that sound good? Links are in the description. Vote for us. Jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog. Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly and I am joined, as always, by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hang ten, listener.

Hey, bro, what's up, dude? Cowabunga. No one says cowabunger. Welcome to a bodacious... episode of Kill James Bond. More like Radical Thorn, and I couldn't think of anything for Devon. Sorry. That's fine.

What's a county? Orange. Yeah. Radical Thorn and Orange, yes. We're doing point break. Yeah. Hell yeah. Kill James Bond Beach episode.

That's right. We got the Cornettos in, and we all sat around and watched Point Break. This will be followed by the Kill James Bond Onsen episode, quite similar, but with different backgrounds. You're the only one. dressed for the beach episode right now. Thank you. I never get to wear this swimsuit. It's not what I'm. It's a great, it's a great swimsuit. Listeners, I am, this is an audio medium so you can't tell I'm actually literally wearing

my, my corseted swimsuit. And it is very nice. The thing is, it's not going to be followed by an onsen episode. It's going to be followed by the 2015 remake point break, which we are going to have to do. Yeah, yeah, I did this again. We're going back to the beach, baby. It's, and that's not an awesome. Italian jobly You know, it's going to go that sort of way Yeah, it's one of those things

I picked this one and genuinely did not remember that they had a modern remake So excited to get to that Maybe some listeners who are too Too young to know what this film is So 1991 Keanu Reeves Young Baby Keanu Reeves Plays an FBI agent

Infiltrating a group of surfers Slash bank robbers And it's exactly as cool as it's cool It's fucking great movie So this movie, this movie is like made by Catherine Bigelow who makes what my friend Mave now calls like Fed Slop. Like she made the Hurt Locker. American Gigolo. She made like Zero Dark 30, right?

Oh, cross. Fed Slop is such a good like description of this. Yeah. Yeah. Fed Slop, right? In the same way that the like olive green and black kifia is the Fed Pride flag. This like those movies are Fed Slop, right? And so I have a theory about this movie, right?

Which is that in 1991, it's the end of the Cold War. Nobody knows what form like politics is going to take yet. And maybe, you know how the CIA funded like modern art movements in the US and the 60s to try and confuse and destabilize the Soviets? That is true. By the way, maybe in the 90s, there was a program in the CIA boosting bromance, right? And maybe, just maybe, this movie exists. exists as part of the kind of black ops bromance budget in Washington. And I think the thing that will heal our divided world is to bring that bromance budget back.

Yes. But you couldn't remake this today despite the fact that they did try and do that. We're about to conclude that you couldn't remake it today. Yeah, because like surfers is just not a bigger sort of like niche culture. Like as far as I'm aware, surfing is just like a thing that you can do now. In the UK, certainly not. It's like one of the things where you have to kind of make a movie about a particular subculture. It's kind of like a fad chasing movie.

So I guess you would make that movie now about like trans women, which I'm into. I'm into giving the trans women bromance action movie, right? The thing, I tried to write that as a series. I tried to write the series where the feds try to infiltrate a group of trans women. I tried to do it, but they wouldn't fucking commission it. Well, maybe you should get better at like CIA internal politics. I don't know what to tell you. The woman who was Thursday.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I also tried to write something with that title, so it's going around. But yeah. So this is like a movie that is as old as I am. It's got an alarmingly young Keanu Reeves in it. And it is just like we taught the FBI to surf in order to go after the surfing criminals.

And it's also sort of like, I think a lot about the tweet that's like, Like, you know, any superhero thing back in the day, right? Like, surfing Dracula, right? You do a series called surfing Dracula back in the day. He's surfing every week. Yeah. You do a TV series called Surfing Dracula now. Season one is about how he gets the surfboard and then it gets canceled.

Yeah, he serves for five minutes in the finale. And it's supposed to be like, yeah, it's surfed Dracula. Yeah. I really, so I really need to know and I really hope in some ways that the 2015 point break is surfs in the last five minutes the rest of it's all a long walk up to the surf. We'll find out. But we open this time minute one, second one, frame

one, we're surfing. Yes. That's true. We're right in there. We're introduced to our two guys, our Deter Ragnos of the movie, Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves, both doing the thing they do best. In one case, it's surfing. Patrick Swayze's character is surfing. And in the other case, Keanu Reeves is doing FBI target practice. He's like dutifully loading a shotgun in the pouring rain. Yeah.

Yeah. They're both so well. Both of these very wet activities, yes. Oh, yeah. In fact, my first note just says wet, wet Kianu at the wet shooting range. They've been listening to my feedback. I have a question immediately, which is like, did Patrick Swayze learn to surf for this movie? Because, like, there are a lot of shots of him serving, and he looks pretty good. And I'm guessing this is before the existence of digital face replacement technology.

Like, how did they shoot this? I'm not sure. Maybe they just found a guy who looks a lot like Patrick Sway. One thing I will say is there are not a lot of shots of Keanu Reeves surfing. They're trying, but no. So maybe he already knew, I don't know. But so Wet Kiyanu, he's at the wet FBI shooting range because he's an FBI agent. Smart.

I just looked it up. Yes. Uh-huh. Yes, they did actually just learn to surf. Oh, nice. They trained with a professional surfer in Hawaii. Oh, my God. What a fucking cool job!

She says having a job that's almost that cool. And the reason that Patrick Swayze does it better is because Patrick Swayze already knew how to surf, and Keanu Reeves did not. Nice. Doing a kind of burden of dreams movie about the making of point break that is just actually Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze learning to surf. They do the exact same thing to Tracy. The actual real-life surf instructor, they also just spike up.

It is funny that he's on this FBI shooting range and we see him specifically shoot a woman target like 50 times. And not in one go either. He like takes a break. It comes back to her a couple of times. It's very much the Simpsons gag about the, like, you shot the kid, you shot the blind man. Yeah, no, he has no qualms at all. He's an operator.

That is true. He's our Twilight Sparkle. Yes, and his name is Johnny Utah. He's our Blacklight Spy Kid. Johnny Utah, yeah, yeah, Johnny Utah from Ohio. Pornstar name, I regret to say, like, yeah, to Mr. and Mrs. Utah, a son, Jonathan. The existence of Johnny Utah implies the existence of 49 other Johnny's.

Got an Ohioan homie called Johnny Utah. He is from Ohio, too. Yeah, that's pretty good, actually. Yeah, sure. That gets the imprimatur of like, yeah, pretty good. So. But he's moving from Ohio to LA. Mm-hmm.

He's been assigned to the LA field office of the FBI, where his new boss is, is the guy from Scrubs. Yeah, Dr. Kelso from Scrubs. Yeah. I fucking love this shit. Well, I mean, so Dr. Kelso from Scrubs, his deal is that he's like the straight-laced kind of like Mormon style of FBI agent, right? Where he's like, I'm going to scream at you until you, you know, you get with the Jay Edgar Hoover program. Right.

And obviously he kind of like our boy Johnny Utah kind of bristles at this, but he kind of agrees to go along. However, inexplicably at one point during this, Dr. Kelso, he's like showing him the fucking computers, and he's like, you know what makes cases good data analysis, good like, you know, meat and potatoes investigative work. And I'm like, he's right. And I want to see that movie. But he goes, you probably don't like that because you are young, dumb and full of comp. I also wrote that down, yeah. We do. We get this really nice, we get this really nice walk and talk where Dr. Kelsey. So it's just like, well, you're here. You're a first day on the job. Presumably you're replacing Johnny California, who's on leave. You're on top of your glass.

You're all books masks, but you've got no expertise. Johnny California from Texas. From Texas, yeah. He had someone with these fucking Socratic bars, but he's like, you know nothing. In fact, you know less than nothing. If you knew that you know nothing, that at least be something, but you don't. And it's like, come up, Dr. Kelso. Come over here and draw these triangles in the dirt, Keanu.

Imagine your boss is saying that to you day one. You're like, yeah, okay. I guess. I guess a man. So then pretty much. Immediately, he sets up, like, there's a lot of bank robbery in Los Angeles, like, all the time. The bank robbery capital of the world. We've got the most banks here, and therefore, naturally, we've got the most robbers.

The bank's natural predator bank was. Yes, exactly. Well, the bank, the bank and the bank robbery exists in a kind of broadly symbiotic relationship, I would suggest. It's not even really predation. The bank isn't even harmed, you know? But Johnny Massachusetts from New York, he takes the kiss slightly. Oh, yeah, here we go. Because, like, Dr. Kelso says, hey, are you going to be like a fucking tier one operator?

You're like in good shape. And he's like, sir, I take the skin off chicken. And he's giving him like, he's giving him like that, sir, yes, sir. And he's like, he's like really playing up to it. And then he just like openly eats a donut in front of him. And he's just like, yeah, man, I love these things. And it's like, oh, he's a piss taker. He's a little fucking shit.

He's a little shit. He's a little motherfucker. They then have to go to the FBI swimming pool. Just it's like, you know, games lesson time, I guess. They're chucking bricks in the pool and you've got to dive in, blindfolded, and pick up as many bricks as you can, I guess, is the nature of this exercise. Me at the club. Objective. So they have all of these old-ass FBI agents blindfolded and trying to pick up bricks out of the pool.

I don't know if the word brick has like a double meaning that I'm not like aware of. that we're relying on to get a lot of comedy out of it, but I'm just going to be like proceeding straight down the life. Yeah, I think there might be something that's funny about that word. I don't know. Gary Bucy's like, what does picking up bricks have to do with

being in the FBI and it's like, ah, more than you think? It's like, why am I doing all this kind of like mandatory brick handling training, you know? Like, what am I doing? What are I doing about this? It's pure instinct, baby. Gary Bucy,

Gary Busey is, first of all, he's in this movie and we really, I didn't, I'm in front-lovening, Gary Bucy, enough. Gass Bucy is in this movie. And he's in it as well, like the whole time. All the way, well, almost, yeah. All the way. He's the older FBI agent who's like,

I'm too old for this shit. You know, I've been picking up bricks since before you were born or whatever, and he's still wearing the blindfold at this point because Gary Bucy makes some decisions as an actor. And he's like, And by the way, I don't need any, like, cum-filled young hot shot called Jonathan Alaska to come and tell me how to do my job of picking up bricks, right? Johnny Alaska from Michigan? Yeah.

And, of course, he is talking to Johnny Carolina from Wyoming at this moment. Yeah, yeah. He's blindfolded entirely so that he can do that. And I've just been fucking shackled with this dog shit new partner who's full of cum. Just in front of Johnny. about him. The cum is like leaking out of this guy. He's fucking shock full of cum. That's one of the main things he mentioned

at the interview actually. He was like, I've been retaining for several years now. You've got to say that at the FBI. Yeah, you have to say that because you're being interviewed by the Mormon ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. To give him, like, masculine strength. The other thing about Johnny Unitas is he plays football, right? He does. He does.

He was a big football man. American football. And so, Busey is like, I don't need some kind of of like cum-stuffed quarterback in just in my shit, right? And we see that Johnny has like a kind of sense of humor about himself because when Gary Busey takes off the blindfold, he's like, well, I'm, I'm full of cum, actually, and also I am a dumb quarterback from, which dumb is not the stereotype of quarterbacks. That's the wrong position for that thing, right?

But like, whatever. Is it? I don't know. Yeah. He's also not big enough. He looks like Keanu Reeves. And like Keanu Reeves is like, well, I mean, also. yes, but like, no, your stereotype about a quarterback is that they are kind of like

a philosopher. Sort of. Are we familiar with Tim Tebow? No. So, like, your concept of a quarterback is, I just love Jesus and family and opening a chain of wildly unsuccessful stakeholders. Okay. That's the kind of fire.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Dating Taylor Swift. Bucy is like, I don't want to work with you. I'm like a real field agent Incidentally he drops here that he has fired his his weapon in the line of duty 19 times

which I feel like at that point it makes you a worse cop rather than a better one right Like surely at some point in those like 19 times you shot somebody there was another way to go about that He said he fired his weapon

no he didn't say he hit anybody He might have just like just shot a car It was all on one day He shot one one Woman target, 19 times. It was all on one day. Well, 18 of them were on one day and the other one was a negligent discharge.

Right, I got 19 times in the course of duty. Today. Yeah. This sets up a bit for later that I'm just going to like bookmark. But so, meanwhile, across town, we get a shot of like a bare chest, right? Because... Here we go. Like, in the back of a van, the robbers are suiting up to like take a bank.

Yeah, we meet our gang of theatrical. gang of theatrical bank robbers. This is a bank heist, baby. This is what we're going for. This is heist season. This is par excellence. They've got... Little Hand says it's time to rock and roll. They've got

lines. They've got crucially an aesthetic, right? They've got a theme. Yes. This is all we want, right? Inadvertently spawning the payday series of games, these guys, they don rubber masks of presidents.

So, like, one of them is Reagan, one of them is Nixon, there's an LBJ, and there's a Carter, right? And I mentioned the bare chest thing just because this is a remarkably homoerotic movie. It is. Yes. Being an action movie of the early 90s. And these guys are introduced first, like, getting dressed, and there's a lot of kind of, like, bare chest on display as they're doing this, right? Yeah, sexy as fuck. But they rob the bank, well, Nixon's in character.

The rest of them aren't really trying. That's my main complaint is that the only one doing an impression of his president is Richard Nixon. Well, here's the thing. I concede that they've had more time to think about it than you have, right? But what's your Jimmy Carter? Like right now, do you have like a Jimmy Carter ready to go? I couldn't confidently distinguish Carter from LBJ on site. He just like walks in there with like pockets full of peanuts and it's just giving them away.

be like, you have to take these. And what's, what's LBJ going to do? Like, with his dick out? Like, it's kind of like Nixon and Reagan, those are the... Much better now, because you would have Obama and you can do Obama voice. Like, oh, let me be clear. Give me the money. This is a robbery, you know?

That's, like, problematic to do the Obama heat thing. Yeah, off the bank's money. That's reasonable. I hope the reboot has Obama as one of the best. Yeah, so I hope. I'm really desperately. George Bush as well. There's much better impressions presidents, I've got to say now.

We've got to remake point break again, so you get two Trumps. First term Trump, second term Trump? No, you don't want second term Trump. He's just executing the hostages today. Bang, I'm like, real Trump and fake Trump. He's a little more confused. He's like, yeah, Biden. Listen to Jack, we're after the bank's money, not your money.

Yeah, don't want him to love. barking from these hostages. Fighters just wandered off midway through the robbery. Climbing up on the counter going, ooh, Earth Rider, thanks for the Great Lakes. Perfect. It just sort of staggers away halfway through doing the speech about money. But here's the thing, right? Here's why the presidents are a good idea.

First of all, you don't have to remember a lot of like Mr. White, Mr. Pink, Mr. Green shit, right? Like you look at the guy and you go, that's the guy dressed as LBJ. It's not a different way to say a mic, you know? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Plus, if you're one of the hostages, right, what description are you giving about the guy doing an impression of Richard Nixon? They're like, what did he sound like? I don't know, he was doing an impression of Richard Nixon. He sounds like, he comes in there and goes, I am not a crook.

Like, it's very funny. Yeah. You'd have to go and, like, get me here. It's like an audio sample of a bunch of guys doing a Nixon impression from the usual suspects. They all step forward and go, I'm not a crook. Girl, give me the keys, you fucking cock-socker. Just get inaudible. Yeah, the weird thing was, he said something,

but it was like inaudible for about 13 minutes. So on the way out, Nixon moons the CCTV. He does. And then we go to the FBI, and we hear from the FBI that in three years, the ex-presidents have hit 27 banks. They have never killed anyone, and they have never gone for the vault.

They only ever go for the registers, because going for the vault wastes time, you see. And as we see, the FBI have, by their own kind of description, a pretty good rate of catching bank robbers, but they've never caught these guys. And Busey, in particular, is like, these are the best guys doing it. This crew is good a la heat, right? Like, they're the best to do it.

And then some of the other FBI agents are like, yeah, you should have Gary Bucy tell you about his fucking jerk-off motion theory about these guys. Tell you this guy's fucking idea about these guys. This guy's got a fucking idea,

which I do like as the FBI is a workplace so relentlessly committed to workplace bullying that it really interferes

with the eye bit of the FBI. It's like, we've never caught these guys like, oh, this guy's got a theory

wad, I've been an FBI agent for like 20 years and I've never arrested anybody because any time I say,

I think this guy might have like something to tell us about the thing A bigger FBI agent gives me a wedgy and shoves me into a locker. The B and FBI stands for bullying.

Yeah, it does now, yeah. But so Keanu Reeves tells Garibisi, like, oh, why don't you tell me your theory then? And Garibu's like, ah, forget it. You know, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I won't do it. I'm like, maybe you just fucking suck, you old piece of shit.

Maybe you should get some more common you like me. Yeah, he has to provoke him, right? Because they get sent to, like, look at the car that the robbers have abandoned, right? which is a kind of demeaning task to be giving them. Kianu, like, decides to go kind of on his own steam, but it's implied that they were about to be told to go anyway.

Yeah, he's really thorough is a thing. He's, like, dedicated to it. There's a point where he's, like, looking around inside the car, and Garby's like, yeah, why don't you see if you can find Jimmy Hoffer under the seats while you're at it. But that's not how he says it.

He says it, like, he says every individual word in that sentence in a really, like... He just reads all the words out in a row. He doesn't say the line. what do you think you're saying the line is man he literally just goes like let me know if you find Jimmy Hoffer under there

like he's just hitting every word staccato it's called enunciation my description of this this kind of diction here is I say that Gary Busey is delivering his lines like someone who wants to get home from work and I mean an actor right like I didn't have a problem with this performance

I don't think you're fine like I know what you're talking about Jimmy Hoffer Yeah, we should have got that line. I'd really help. Hialu, by the way, is still, cannot act, right? Like, I have to be clear about this. We are deep in the years where they hadn't worked out.

Unfortunately, this is my stance as well. I'm sorry, hard disagree. Well, of course. I'll get to this later. Like, I think this is a really good performance. They hadn't worked out how to cover for the fact that he can't, like, emote very visually. So, he definitely emotes visually throughout the soap.

All right, we'll get to. this, but like, no, hard to disagree. Yeah, he kind of, it's not like John Wick, right? Where he's there to be like, yeah, or not really. It's, he has to like carry a lot of stuff here. He does. And, and yeah, in this case,

what he does, I think, quite well is the bit is like our young, come-filled FBI agent, uh, fucking Johnny Delaware is like, Johnny Delaware from Florida. Yeah. I have to, I have to, that bit's never going to get old. No. I've got a map of the

States open on my other monitor right now, actually. So I'm ready. I had Jack GPT made me one now. It's going to be Johnny Frismondon from Leibbender. I had Chad GeoT make me one as well. And this guy's making a lot of sense. I might elope with him, actually. But so he realizes he can provoke Busey.

Yeah, yeah. Which he does by being like, oh, you're older shit and you don't care anymore. And maybe, like, and he deliberately provokes him into his like, angry and Bucy is, of course, giving it the full Bucy, screaming. at him, like, yeah, I'm angry. And he has to be like, why don't you try getting angry at the bank robbers so that you can do your job, maybe? He's like, tell me your fucking theory as soon as we finish driving home.

Yeah. In the next scene, tell me it. He's like, okay, fine, here it is. Look at the CCTV footage of Nixon's ass, okay? They're back home now, yeah. He's got a tan line. Who has tan lines? Surface.

And he's like, I don't know. It seems pretty tenuous. And he's like, ah, but Nixon all. always moons the camera, and a couple of bank robberies ago, his ass accidentally scuffed the counter. We ran like traces on his ass, and it has surfboard wax on his ass, right? Exactly. And look at the dates that they rob banks. They only strike during four specific months during the summer because they're spending the money on moving around the world fucking surfing.

He's like, these guys are surfers. And then there's a bit of a kind of a logical leap here, because then they go, Keanu Reeves, Johnny, uh, Johnny Maryland. You have to go undercover to become a surfer, right? Because these surfers, right? They're definitely surfers. You can't just roll up and be like, hey, bro, I'm a surfer as well. Anyone around here doing some cool-ass bank robberies? You have to know the lingo.

You've got to be able to surf. Yeah, you've got to learn out of surf, which is very difficult. You've got to go deep cover. Surfers are very insular. Yeah. You have to, as the Wikipedia page puts it, infiltrate the surf. surfing community, right? You do.

And so we get a line here where he's like, you're telling me the FBI is going to pay me to learn to surf? And I'm like, that's nothing. The CIA paid Catherine Bigelow to make point break. And, yeah, they are. Yeah, certain producers of this movie.

Yeah, they do. They do pay for him to serve. He goes to the surf shop and then the little snot-nosed kid behind the counters. It's like, yeah, man, it's never too late. A lot of people are learning to surf at your age. She's like, I'm 25. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah. I have a question at this point. Never found out what the brick training was for. I'm going to keep coming back to this. Just in case you, like, lose some bricks in water. I don't know. I'm going to, just every so often, I'm just going to check in and be like, have we figured out why they were making Gary Busey touch those bricks?

Yeah. Why was that germane? And if we don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It must be something to do with holding your breath. I don't know. Yeah.

He tries. surfing, and of course he eats shit, right? Yeah, he goes out there and tries to surf and immediately starts drowning, like, straight away. The first wave hits him. Have either of you two ever tried to surf? I've given it a solid go. Yeah, I grew up in North Devon, and there's not a lot to do up there of the beach, so. North Devon from Devon?

That's right. That's a good bit. Yeah, we should do that with all of the other ceremonial counties of England. One second. Devon from Northumberland? Oh, you mean like Cumbria from Lancashire? I have taken some surfing lessons before. It is fucking difficult to do.

It's really hard. It's really fucking hard. Listeners, if you're listening now, I think we're like riding a bike, right, but on the waves, no, no. Surfing is fucking hard. It's really difficult to do. They don't make it look easy. It's like, it is fun and I would probably do it now again if my face wasn't so expensive because like I don't want to like fall on a surfboard and like smash my own

nose. That's fair. It is fucking difficult to do. I don't want to scratch my nose either. But so he like gets in amongst the surfers and surfers here kind of the only subculture into which a guy named Johnny Utah could blend. But Johnny New York, Utah from North Carolina. He tried to get in there so fast, you couldn't even say it.

Yeah. As we sort of shortly discover, all of these guys are named Reno Dakota already. Yeah, exactly. So he blends in in that sense. not even a fake name he just is authentically called Johnny Utah he does go in full real

name real name yeah but he immediately starts drowning and he gets rescued by a sexy lady hell yeah hell yeah we got Laurie Petty yeah Tyler who drags him out of the water and goes you're a stupid motherfucker yeah don't do that shit again you're trying to kill

yourself I don't want to see that yeah because there is a thing in this movie about like Surf is not liking yuppies trying surfing. They're like, oh, these surfers become cool and now everyone's fucking dad is trying to do it, you know? It's like podcasting. And so a lot of the surfers in this are like purists. They got to fuck off back to wherever you came from, which I guess.

Is why you have to learn to surf to find out if they're any bankrupts among them. I guess so. But so, in deploying a real kind of a classical cop move, right? He sees a woman one time, gets her license plate number as she drives away, runs that license plate number He doesn't just get a license plate number My man fully watches her get changed Out of his swimsuit

Like he does like Yeah And it's not like subtle at all It's just shot of her getting changed Reverse shot of him with a big pair of binoculars Just being like whoa Oh yeah I forgot about that That's why I have the note that just says

Binoculars non Yeah okay sure And just as she pulls away He sees the license plate number and runs it And so he runs it And with this one analyst who seems very into her, which I guess I can get behind. He's

like, okay, here's everything about this woman. She's suffered like family tragedy. She's an orphan. I can exploit this knowledge in order to build rapport with her, right? That's almost exactly the line. Yeah, basically he just says that. And this woman goes,

yeah, attracts. So he goes to her work the next day. She works in a restaurant, a kind of surf-coded restaurant, just in case she got she was a surf restaurant. Yeah. And he's like, one beach burger please. By the way, teach me to surf. And when she's like, no, fuck off. He's like, I want to learn to surf because deploy family tragedy knowledge. My parents are both dead and I've never done anything for myself before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm just a lawyer posh boy, but like, you know, I want to do something for me. And like, my parents died tragically. And she's like, my parents also died tragically. I wrote that on my license plate. My other car is the one in which both of my parents were killed in an accident, right? Like, my other car flipped upside down doing 95 on the M4 as killing both my parents.

That's a pretty good bumper sticker, actually. It's a really wide bumper sticker, yeah. Covers most of the like the car, but we could, we could do that, yeah. So, but so he's, he's like, he's doing manipulative here. Yeah, it's so fucking evil. Like it's so evil and it's he's not really selling it but like it's it's good in the sort of sense of like this is a fucked up thing to be doing to kind of cynically base your entire relationship with this person on a lie that you used your position as a cop to like even be able to tell right in order to make her relate to you so that so that by the way he's not using her as like an investigative asset at this point he's like so that this woman this is. very attractive woman, who by the way, the analyst herself is like

damn, she sounds hot or whatever. Yeah. So that this woman will teach me to surf. Motherfucker, pay for lessons. Yeah, exactly. It's crazy. There's a whole coast. Go to like, I don't know, like a different parts of California. Yeah. No one's, you tell me nobody

in the FBI knows how to surf at all? It's kind of the idea here that like, just out of kind of fed habit, his only, his instinctual first way. of learning to surf. Yeah, you tell this guy learn to surf and he's like, right, deceive a woman into a relationship.

Gotcha. It's, they've got one button on their keyboard. He's foul of calm. That is true. That is absolutely true. But so she agrees to teach him. I've got to find some way to off this calm. And they do a training montage of him learning how to surf very slowly.

And then at the end of it, they see a guy surfing. Yeah. Patrick Swayze surfing. Yeah. Uh-oh, y'all, it's getting kind of hazy. And she's like, what up? It's Patrick Swayze. He's the best surfer ever, and he's the mister surfing.

He's great. Yeah, he's called Bodhi, which is sure for Bodhisattva, because he's so stressed and angry all the time. That's true. Because he's yelling at people. There's different, there's different aspects of, you know, being a Vodasapha, and he's like the kind of aspect of surfing and yelling. Yeah. That does make this. religion season is the thing.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Look, I mean, if... Our first Buddhist movie... If the Bodhisattva had the opportunity to surf, he would learn how to do it. That makes sense to me. I believe that. I believe that. If you meet the Buddha on the surf...

Yeah, there's just not that much surf in, like, the mountains of Nepal, right? Yeah. I mean, I guess that's snowboarding. Yeah, yeah. Snowboarding in many ways, the surfing of the mountain, I think. That is true. That is true. I think that's...

I think that's textual. I think that's why. So, Bode comes out of the scene, he kisses Tyler Ann. And he's like, oh, what up? Who are you? And Johnny, Johnny Oregon from Pennsylvania is like, hey, what's up? I'm Johnny Indiana from Iowa. And I'm not an FVI agent.

And Bode's like, cool, man. That's great. Do you want to hang out with us? I'm not a bang robber. And Bode for the first of, I think, about 500 times in this movie, turns to Johnny Nebraska from Wyoming and goes, I used to date Tyler. I'm going to tell you this every scene.

It's important that you know that this is a kind of sexual rivalry between us about this woman. I'm going to be weird about it. Beach football. Yeah. Do you want to have a homosexual sport bonding activity a la top gun with me? And he goes, fuck yes, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God, yeah.

They play some football on the beach. And the whole time they're playing football on the beach, I don't think of football and surfing as being hugely, you know, sort of. subcultures but like in any case they're playing in the background my favorite piece of music from any movie a legally distinct from smoke on the water

is that smoke on the water but it isn't and the reason why it's not is because they miss one note on purpose so it's like da da da da da da da vape on the water yeah haze on the ocean

yeah it does a great fucking job of it as well I wrote, oh my God, yes, dude. I didn't even realize this was a royalty free to attempt at it. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. So, because Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Rutland from Isle of White is competitive, right? He tackles Bodie into the water in the course of this football. He tackles him into the surf, his home.

And for some reason, the other surfers are kind of, like, offended by this. Kill him. I guess in some ways, like a football kind of misconduct. Yeah. And they're like, we got to kill this guy. Football takes place on the beach. Surfing takes place in the water. If you push a guy into the water during the course of football,

you're like blurring these lines for these guys. You've pushed a surfer into the surf without a board. Like, he's, he's fucked. He's weak. He's acting in the same way as the very capricious waves, you know, which is the antagonist of the surfer. Yeah, the enemy of the surfer. Yeah, Patrick's Waze just flopping around like a fucking fish on land.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He's dying in that. But so, but so Boadie, Bodie stops them and he's like, wait a second don't you know who this is? I've known who Johnny Cheshire from Merseyside

is the whole time. It's a really convenient map, right? I'm just looking. He's a college football legend and then I go. Oh, all these guys sorry, man. They're not just like football surfers.

They're big like college football surfers. Yeah, they're like paying attention to the college scene. Yeah. Yeah. One of them's like, oh, I thought I recognized you. you know. You're Keanu Reeves.

He's like, yeah, I am. And he's like, oh, I would have turned pro as a football player, but I injured my knee in a way that will become important later in the movie. And then I went to law school instead, and I became not an FVI agent. He just said, yeah, I went to law school and they go, oh, so you're a lawyer, because that's what people go to law school for, as opposed to, you know, podcast. I mean, here's the thing. You can always, if you went to law school, you can always say,

I went to law school and people derived from that that you graduated law school and became a lawyer you can just do that people don't even need to know right I also don't mention

being an FBI age I start calling me your honor just kind of on their own stink and I'm not correcting yeah thanks man yeah thank you yeah so he gets

he gets called back into the office by Dr. Kelman this is really his doctor Kelso it's just screaming at this guy and he's Johnny Utah is stood there from Nevada, is stood there just holding his surfboard in the office, just Sigma face. With a great tan, he's just standing there with a cool tan and a surfboard in the area.

It's really funny. And Gary Busey's like, why did you bring that in? And he's too big. I can't store it anyways. It's really good. Both he and Bucie are dressed for beach. Yeah. And Kelso is dressed for FBI field offers.

It's so mad. The B does not stand for beach. Yeah, and so he's like, he's screaming at them. And my favorite detail about this, right, is that he goes, you, you haven't given me anything. He's like really angry. He's like, it's been two weeks. And I'm like, you haven't solved this unsolvable bankrupt. This, this undercover case hasn't come together in two weeks.

He learned to suck. He's already ingratiating himself with the guy. Like, just fucking calm down that that's the guy They don't know that's the guy No one knows it's the guy In the last two weeks And this guy's learned to surf Yeah, two more banks have been robbed

By the ex-presidents while you have literally been at the beach They stop doing homo erotic sports games on the fucking beach and stop the bank robbers Miroz Johnny is just stude holding a surfboard making no facial expression changes at all It's just like

I think I'm going to go back to the beach after this if I'm honest with you boss Yeah, he's unwinded. And he does. He does. He does. There is a throwaway line about this on the way out, right? Where he's like, and I want to be clear how good of a deal the FBI are getting out of this, right?

Because he says, I don't know why he's mad. I'm on top of my caseload of like normal FBI stuff. And I've been learning to surf in my time. So the FBI isn't even paying him to learn to surf. He's just, he's learning to surf recreationally and his boss is mad at him for having too cool of a hobby effectively. But so in one of these bank robberies that have just taken place, somebody got a hair from LBJ and they do chemical analysis on it to figure out next location.

Yeah, and it's really funny because the analyst is like, all of the beaches in California because this is 1991 are insanely polluted. Yeah, they're full of shit like in England. Yeah, and because they're releasing different pollutants onto different beaches, you can go and you can be like, wait a second, this guy was surfing arsenic beaches. Yeah, you can actually fingerprint this really closely. Yeah, the varying heavy metal presence is at a different beaches up California, yeah.

This is not good for you. But so Johnny is like, surfers are territorial, like dogs, right? And so if you find out what beach a surfer surfs, you have them. You've got their ass, right? Over these two weeks. Yeah, it's also like a, you know, they'll probably be back there again, right? If they like that beach, they'll go again. A surfer will never surf another beach.

No. You pick one and the first beach you surf, you surf that beach for the rest of your life. Yeah. And you're just accumulating whatever's on that beach into your bloodstream. What wrong with that? There is a moly when they find out next location beach, Gary Bisi and Keanu Reeves turn to each other, they're like, hang ten, serves up, dude, like as a joke. And at this point, you see why they cast Keanu Reeves in this role, because he is capable

of doing the kind of like straight-laced FBI thing, and I'm also kind of like taking the piss. But he's also still able to do the Bill and Ted thing. Yeah, he's able to go hang-ton, brother. That's why you cast him, because he could, it's funny watching him turn on the Bill and Ted thing. I can't stress enough how much this like hang-ten thing is like him and Busey almost kissing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, like, seconds away from it, and then they go for the double high five instead.

But yeah, so what they do is they do some Zero Dark 30 shit where they, like, non-consensually, like, haircut a bunch of surfers. Yeah. Just by stealth. Like, fucking Johnny, like, rips a guy's hair out and is like, ah, fucking got your ass. And then they put all that together, and they're like, all right, these guys, they surf at next location beach.

Holy fuck. That was just about to go there. location beach. Yeah. So he goes there and he surfs. And a guy surfs too close to him. And he takes exception to the fact that Johnny tabbing over, Johnny relinquishire from Dorset is like surfing his beach.

Johnny cuts him up. He surfs without indicating. Yeah. And he gets a surf fight. Yeah. He like punches him off the surfboard and then he uses a surf knife to cut his surf cord to his surfboard from his

surf ankle that's like that's like a surf umbilical cord bro you can't cut that you're putting

them in we're all we're all becoming a little bit more surfer at this point dude you can't do

that man he can't probably expensive to have it fixed but anyway these surf

Nazis confront him on the beach and they are explicitly Nazis yeah that's the fucking

reveal is that these are surf Nazis these are the chillest Nazis these are the

chillest Nazis in the fucking it's It's a real like California Uber-Alas, yeah. They're also, I mean, they're also a general white race savior. You're browner than I expected, you know? Like, this is a multi-racial crew of surf Nazis. And that's literally how it be these days.

It's crazy out there. That is how it's unbelievable. Yeah, it is. They're making kinds of white supremacists that I didn't even think for possible. I mean, if you think about it, a lot of the Nazis were Japanese back in the day. that's true so it makes sense that a lot of

that's true the last time we fought the Nazis a lot of them were from Japan when do you say Nazis yeah I love doing this this story

it's a rip up some of them some of them were Italian they were yeah exactly yeah sure okay that makes perfect sense

now for the new Nazis people of it. Yeah, yeah. Read Manchukuo, 1987. Um, so, as if I'm not aware. These surf Nazis, like, confront to him at the beach shower. Yeah. And they're like, you've been, you've been surfing around in a, in a way that doesn't respect the supremacy of the white race. Yeah. You've been surfing in an extremely multicultural way. You piece of fuck. In some way, being, being a, Surf mentality is kind of harder, because you've got to keep the arm up and out the whole time. And that leaves, it's harder to battle.

These days, if you made a series called Surf Hitler. It's all about how he gets the surfboard last five minutes. It's not as good as the 80s Surf Hitler series. In that moment, he truly became Surf Hitler. I mean, at its height, you know, I guess. the Third Reich controlled a lot of cool beachfront locations. Maybe they did get surfing. And yet, and yet, we were the ones doing the amphibious landing.

Sort of like, would you describe Omaha Beach as a cool beachfront location? Not at the time, but like, before we started killing them for being Nazis. Hang 10 dude, ramp drops first row gets hit with the MG 42 fire. Oh yeah, they don't tell you this, but we surfed in on D-Day and parts of it. It's so funny that we reasoned our way to It's funny and incongruous to mix surfing and war Pass the movies that do that to a different war They shouldn't have been got Nazis involved man

Adolf don't surf I'm imagining now with Dunkirk and just thousands of people setting off from England on like their surfboards just paddled it out That's how it would have to be these of days right I don't feel that didn't get into

surf school the smallest boat of all the surfboard but so they're upset with him for like gentrifying their like

pure white surf beach yeah yeah and they like kick the shit out of him right but like he fights back and Bucci Bucci like eventually

like Cotton's on that he's getting the shit kicked out of him by surf Nazis sprints over Gary Bucy running by the way phenomenal sight

a sheer momentum on that man and he gets going Bodie beats him there and Bodie like helps him intimidates one of the Nazis off of he calls him war child and for a second

I thought that was just a really hippie way of you know that is just his name but so beauty runs into the both of them and instantly has to like kind of get into character

a bit that I like to like keep his cover and so he's like he's got one he's got one thing for this and it's dog, right? So he's like, oh, have you seen my dog or whatever? Yeah, yeah. And then I like, no.

Also, interesting reveal at this point, Keanu Reeves's towel is in the trans flag colors. Yeah. Curious. Interesting. What could this mean? Later, in the car, Busey is yelling at Keanu. Not quite just yet. Because as Keanu Reeves and Patrick Sway are walking away, Patrick Swayze is like,

ah, those guys are Nazis, they have no spiritual understanding of the sea. They don't get it, bro. They don't get what. surfing his fucking up and he's like, have you gotten it yet? And Keanu Reeves is like, yeah, man, I think I'm starting to get it. And he, and Patrick says, like, cool, man.

Come to a party later on. Yeah. Tyler. Yeah. Tyler knows where it is because I was fucking her. I used to date Tyler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So then, then Busey driving him over is like, uh, don't ever do that to me again. And Keanu literally hits him with an okay dad. This is not a subtle movie about its passions, right? But they, They follow the serf Nazis back to their serf Nazi hangout. They figure out they've got criminal records and they're like, oh, these could be our guys.

This could be the ex-presidents because they've got, you know, histories of theft, violence. This is a cute line here where Keanu's like, you know, like felony assault, felony kidnapping, postgraduate work at Chino. It's cute, right? It is nice. So they put the other feds on the stakeout. And again, the B really does stand for bullying because I love how immature all of these feds are. because these two other feds show up and they're like,

oh, it's the fucking surf feds, idiot. And Gary Busey just dumps a cold pizza on top of them and it's like, here, there you go. Cowbonga dudes. Cowbonga dudes. So Keanu goes to the party. He does.

He does go to the party, yeah. And he hears the surfers telling this incredible story about like, okay, where's the best surfing in the world? And Patrick Swayze is like, oh, the best surfing in the world is at final location beach in Australia where the final scene of the movie is. And he says, every 50 years, there's a huge storm that blows up out of Antarctica and creates a massive fucking swell.

And he's like, next year, it's going to be 50 years since the last time happened. I'm going to fucking be there because it's the ultimate ride, man. And I was like, okay, cool. We see, we see Johnny is kind of like into, he's kind of into like hanging out with these people, right? Like, most of all, Tyler. There's a, there's a, there's a noteworthy line at the door where he's coming, where Johnny, Johnny Colorado from Washington is coming in there.

And Bodie is like, reminds him, A, that he used to date, Tyler. And then it's just like, you can avail yourself of any of my property, meaning his house, but also juxtaposed just after the line with Tyler. Yeah. He says, what's mine is yours? Yeah. It's like surfer free love shit in a way that's deeply competitive. But I am misogynistic, to be clear. Yeah, yeah. I'm also of all of humanity and, like, the men.

Apart from bitches. Yeah. Yeah, you could read it as like he's trying to flex by showing. how chill he is, which is a thing that Americans do. I can see that. Yeah, yeah. It's like, bro, I'm literally polyamorous. Why are you mad at me?

I'm so much more chill than you about this. Yeah, and in fact, actually, I think you're being kind of like possessive. So it's a really bad vibe. But so in the, like, when he's doing the story about like, I'm doing like, I'm going to be at final location beat at final time. Tyler is like, There's too much testosterone here. And she's like, all right, fuck this. She goes off on her own.

Johnny comes to find her and she's like, these guys, maybe they're not as like surf cool as you think they are. Maybe they're not surf Nazis, but maybe their politics of surfing aren't as like kind of romantic as you imagine. Yeah, she expresses doubt of the great birdie's teachings. Johnny, Johnny Wiltshire from Suffolk. I'm running out of short names now. Yeah.

Yeah. Because she's like, these guys are just putting this. Johnny Kamarthenshire. They're just putting a spiritualist gloss on what is just thrill-seeking at the end of the day. Like, just come on a garden, adrenaline junkies. They're adrenaline junk. Here's a bunch of photos of them like skydiving and snowboarding and stuff. And it's like they're just in it for like cheap throws.

That's crazy. Why are they getting all the money to do all that? Oh, I don't know. I'm crazy. In the morning, we got to raid the surf nats. Not yet, though. We got to do Omaha Beach. Not yet, though, because Patrick Swayzey has to take him night surf.

Oh, night surf. Niceer, we all got to go nightseving, which is dangerous because you have to ADR all of your dialogue. And then what you find out is that Patrick Swayze is quite good at ADR. And Keanu Reeves at this stage, not quite as good. ADR is difficult. It's hard to do. Yeah. Sure.

Really wonderful line off of Keanu Reeves when they're in the middle of the water and it's like dark. And he goes, I can't see shit. I'm going to die. Yeah. He's very like, I'm going to die from this because they're making him surf. at night on like a tough surf. And he's like, I don't know how to do this good. But it's a test, right?

And he passes, right? He succeeds in surfing the thing. And then as a reward sex, because he hangs out with Tyler. And she's like, I'm cold in the water. And he's like, well, you know what's probably a good idea is not getting out of the water, but like us fucking. Yeah. Covert human intelligence forces act moment.

He does have sex with her on the beach. Say certified covert intelligence sex. exploited, like, kind of exploited, like, police information in order to lie to a woman about both your own identity and also, like, you know, your emotions and your feelings in order to use her both for sex and access. And by the way, he still doesn't suspect these guys. He's just doing this. That was for the love of the game. Yeah. Like, it turns out that Bodie's the bad guy, but they aren't aware of that at this point. These are just some guys. Yeah. He doesn't even to have sex with her.

Yeah. He still thinks it's the surf Nazis. Whomst we are about to raid. Now we have to surf omar beach. Wake up in the morning feeling like, oh, hmm, maybe. Wake up in the morning, I guess. Feeling like someone. Feeling like Keanu Reeves, feeling late.

I wish I had the name of one of the fucking police spy cops in my head. Wake up in the morning feeling like that guy, I guess. And going, oh, shit, I'm late. Wake up in the morning feeling like the stolen name of a dead. child like yeah it's really no good look into it

if you want to feel bad which you should yeah the fuck we do it yeah he wakes up in the morning he's late for his own rate on the surf Nazis now to be clear

these surf Nazis right there's like five of them and they're all like they're like heavy like warrants and shit and they bring six FBI agents two of whom are surfers

like mostly surfers and I kind of feel like not I'm not going to like ever really like advocate for like police militarization but I feel like in this situation you are setting yourself up for a kind of bad time right the problem well Gary views you'll just start fucking blasting yeah that is true the house that the surf Nazis are in there's these two women in there one of whom is in her underwear and the other one is naked it's like you are using these women as props you are using these women as set dressing oh yeah well yeah I guess we will explain a second but so they're like

Johnny Northumberland Hearing the mouse click As you tap over Johnny Northumberland from Hertfordshire Stay back because you know these guys And we don't want to break your cover unless we absolutely have to You are the only FBI agent in town We can't just have you do something else

Yeah And so the deal is Gary Busey is going to go to the front door And Bucci the absolute fuck out of our answer He still Yeah he's going to be slipping back to his character of a guy who can't find his dog. It's an abuse of time and he's going to abuse all over these guys.

Inside the actor's studio, yeah, while the other two guys, like, come in the back and Johnny Johnny, Johnny, North Carolina from Montana from Mersey, so, I did, I did Mersey, Johnny Staffordshire from the West Midlands is like, I'm going to look in a side window. Yeah. And as he does, a guy next door starts mowing his lawn with an old-timey portentous lawnmower. Yes, right, classic. And Johnny sees. the surf nazis be like immediately clock the raid and immediately begin arming himself just like start

loading like the biggest weapons they're on some like ready or not shit like they've got like millisecond reaction times just like I have smelled cop in like a 50 mile radius I am now armed with 50 shotguns um so and he tries to radio it in but no one can hear him because of the lawnmower and he's trying to explain it using full sentences instead of just going like abort abort Abort, abort, abort. He's just being like, hey, guys, you know, you don't want to go in there because there are lots of weapons in the, and they just can't hear that. The other guy on the radio is just going, yeah, Johnny. Johnny's saying some shit.

I don't know. Let's go ahead. Johnny Lestershire just called and said, B. I don't know what he meant by that. So I think we're going ahead with the raid. I think, I think this is the classic, all good call that you have to make. Yeah. Originally before the raid.

Yeah. Beauty really drags out the dog bit. I have to say. He's talking about this dog for like an hour to this woman who's just like, I fuck off, this is a Nazi house we don't know about your dog. And finally he pulls the badge and he's like, it's the FBI, pushes her aside and gets lit the fuck up. She is instantly airholed, I think, all 19 times. Yeah.

Yeah, just disgusting. So the red kind of goes slightly tits up. A naked woman beats up Keanu Reeves and stabs a cop And that is a queen, but also like, that's explosive man You know what that is. Full titty's ambush. You know what that is? That is a Cronstein rosette.

Yes, it is. We never see this woman surf. The wettest we see her get is she's in the shower when the raid starts. And she, without even putting clothes on, is like, I am going to stab a federal agent in the bat. She's on some stand-your-ground shit. Absolutely. Zero to stab wound in like no time at all.

And you hate to give the Cronstein rosette to a Nazi. It's always going to go to a bad guy. That's the thing. It's true. She goes above and beyond in the cause of villainy. Yeah. Yeah. It's incredibly exploitative.

It's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. This was just, ooh. Like, there's a lot of shots of her just kind of like in the shower screaming in a way, but it's just only there for titillation. Yeah, they shoot a bunch of the Nazis, and then War Child, the one Nazi we've had named, flees. And Keanu has to, like, chase him.

And he chases him all the way onto the lawn next to the lawnmower of Portons. Yes. Good, efficient use of your action scene, you know, setting. It's good. They have this fight. Keanu nearly gets his face shredded with a lawnmower. Yeah, I'm curious how they filmed this. But the other thing I'm thinking is, this is a, like, it's a small lawnmower.

like a kind of like a hand pushed one and he's like braced like one hand either side of the lawnmower as like this big Nazis trying to push him into the lawnmower. I would personally would move the lawnmower. It's on me. It's on wheels. Yeah, same. I'd have done that to him. I would have moved it away from my face. The guy who had the lawnmower is like stood off to decide watching the whole time through. I'd be like, brother, do you might, hey, hey man, can you just shift this motherfucker? Any way you could turn this off somehow? I don't know. Yeah, but so Busey shoots the lawnmower rather than the Nazi. Okay.

Sure. And they arrest War Child. What do they say to him when they arrest him? That's a great question. I wish I remembered. Gary Busy walks over to War Child. I'm surprised you didn't get this as a drop. Walks over to War Child points a gun at him and says,

speak into the microphone, squid brain. Pretty good. Type of shit we're always telling Hussein to do them and record trashy at you. It's every second episode in 2019. And they're like, well, good job Keanu Reeves. Like things went slightly. tits up, but we got a couple of Nazis and so on. But hang on a minute, you fucked up, divot shit.

Yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because before that, we got to have the debrief with Bucy. And Bucy's like, hey, it's your first time shooting someone dead, isn't it? And he says, this is some real killology shit, right? Because he's like, hey, you've only ever shot, like, paper targets up until now. It's the same thing. It turns out, that's why we do it. It's psychologically, like, dehumanizes them.

And so you're put into an environment where under high stress situations, you kind of default to like, you know, gross muscle movements and stuff like that. And it's just in your memory that like, yeah, it's like a paper target, right? That's why we do that. That's it's like systematic like, yeah. Yeah. Just like, hey, you're not, don't take that on. Just drop that in the middle of the surf movie, just like, hey, by the way, key part of killing someone is not thinking of them as human, but instead thinking of them as a kind of paper target. And that's why we train with those. That's what Christian Stewart says in the Charlie's Angels reboot.

She's like, I wouldn't take that on. Hey, just don't worry about it. Just don't think about the guy who died. It's actually, turns out, that guy made a paper. Not even real. He's not even real. He was not even real. He said he just kind of wasn't like a real guy.

So don't worry about it. Here's the thing. If you don't think of the person that you kill is human, you don't even have to get PTSD, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That works, I think. I've always found that to be true.

You just end up with a lot of like, you know, unrelated non-PTSD symptoms, like waking up in the middle of the night and a cold sweat thinking about it, you know? That's just all the Chinese food, I know. Everyone I've ever killed has been a pea zombie. Yeah, exactly. Sure. From Resident Evil. I don't know how the piss comes into it, but yeah, sure. And then a Tom Seismore strikes the movie like Omaha Beach because he's like, he's like, yeah, Tom Seismore.

Dr. Kelter comes in and goes, oh, great work taking out the bankrupt. us, mate. Just a quick fucking problem, huh? Do you want to meet this guy? And Tom Seiswold said, like, hey, what's up, pal? I've been undercover in these guys for three fucking months. You piece of shit. We had them.

On the cusp of, like, getting their supplier for crystal mess. They don't even matter. Like, yeah. And it's like, whilst some people were undercover at the beach, I was undercover with Nazis. I'm hanging out with Nazis the whole time, though. You fuck.

Hey, answer me this question, big boy. How could they rob a bank at location C when they were at Fuckett, location D the whole time? And I've attested to that in my reports, you dumb cunt. These are the wrong guys. Kelso has a great sniping line where he's like, yeah, that does sound pretty difficult. I love Tom Sisephor being like, you think I like doing this shit, you know? It's really, really good.

But it's also, Kelso is once again, right. The man who takes the skin off of chicken is vindicated in the sense of like being the only person who bothers to think about crime systematically. It's like, yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe it's, there's a bigger picture here that is more than just like chasing after bad guys. The movie's not going to learn that lesson. The movie's, in fact, about the kind of determined refusal

to ever learn that lesson. Yeah. It's actually thrilling to chase the bad guy. Like an idiot. So, Fiona Reeves, it's like, oh, man, I feel bad. I guess I'll just go surfing with my cool friends, Bodie and Tyler, and three of Bodie's mates who they all seem to be pretty tight in that gang

of four who all surfs together. Oh, fuck. It takes one of them mooning the others for him to be like, I recognize that asshole. Oh, my God. He's got the towel. He's like, can you do a Richard Nick's impression? Just real quick.

He's like trying to goad them into doing impressions of presidents. It's also really funny that it's like, okay, well, wasn't those Nazis? I guess it must be the only other group of surfers in California. I guess it's the next guy. I see. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh. But it is the next guy he sees. Unfortunately. And he like panics and runs away. Yeah. And so he figures out they are going to hit one more bank. Right?

Like because it's the end of the summer, right? They're about to disappear for other pastures to go and do like snowboarding or whatever. To go and be in a different snowboarding aligned heist movie. Yeah. Well, they dress up as former prime minister. they're going to be at this specific bank today or tomorrow I know it and like Busey's like this is kind of bullshit but whatever I trust you yeah and then Bucy fucks it up because they're in the car outside the bank

and fantastic line he's like it's time for lunch and Johnny goes it's 10.30 that's so real honestly genuinely phenomenal all-time dumb guy thing to be doing if you're he's just reading the funny pages and guffoying out loud in his little comics of a Garfield and shit. She's reading a Kathy's be like ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. Johnny Durham

you're almost as good as Johnny Oxford here however you have to go around the corner to the sandwich place which I really like and get me two sandwiches specifically so Johnny goes to do that as he's buying the sandwiches the rob was going really yeah genuinely phenomenal shot of him getting the sandwich and in the background

the ex-president's role up and all go into the bank behind him. It's like something from the naked gun. It's really funny. It's so good. There's a specific bit where like he turns around and they're already in and the parked car outside the doors of the bank doesn't with like with the engine running. That doesn't do anything for him. He gets back to the to the car and just gives Bucy the thing.

Did you see the Washington roll up by the way? And Bucy goes, no, I didn't. And as they both look at it, all of the bank robbers come out of the bank and they go, oh fuck. Oh, Jesus. I want to be clear that Johnny Johnny here if I both of them shoot a lot into the back

of a car driving away from them straight away Johnny like opens up because Johnny goes freeze FBI all the robbers look at him and Nixon is about to shoot him but is it Reagan who's the leader Reagan stops him and it's like no don't and then they try and drive

away and they have a car chase they do they don't have the budget to like have any other cops in this, which I like. Yeah, that's funny. So it's literally just, it also, you know, it's the obsession or whatever. Yeah, yeah. You do get to see a Crown Vic sliding around like a four lanes around a corner, which is fully

sick, yeah. Yeah, good car chase, genuinely. They crash the carchrist, the ex-presidents do. And they carjack another car. And Reagan uses a, like, a petrol pump as a kind of flame thrower. Yeah. And he gets a little bit too into it. Pretty, pretty solid visuals of the guy in the Reagan.

mask with a flame thrower, like, pretty good. It could be a good metaphor for something. Yeah. He's too into it because, you know, it's adrenaline or whatever. If it, like, meant anything, it would be pretty good, but it... Yeah, yeah. Just looks cool. A bit more car chase and then foot chase because the cops, like Johnny, Johnny Shropshire,

crashes their car. The resignation with which you said Shropshire just then. What's... Listen, I don't... know a lot about what Shropshire's got going on it's got a Shrewsbury I guess shout out Shrewsbury Johnny New Mexico from Iowa

Chase is President Reagan on market Drayton Oswestrich They chased through through like a residential neighborhood and a bunch of houses and at this point Reagan throws a dog

Keanu Reese Yeah this whole sequence is fucking phenomenal like Johnny smashes through a plate glass door immediately an old lady who lives in the house starts hitting him with her stick

So good He gets up Gets into the garden Fucking Rake and just like Overarm chucks A pit bull at him Like And not like throwing in like a hostile

It's more like Here take my dog It's like Adding throwing to the action It's really It's really good Here's the thing This movie

Really inventively filmed Yeah Yes it is Genuinely Two details I forgot to mention One is that when he's getting beaten up by the surf Nazis and when he's at the party, there's some really interesting POV-U-R-Johnny Merseyside shots, which I like.

But also in this, like the like handheld camera work in this. Yeah. Yeah. Like going down a bunch of twisty little alleys, genuinely really innovative. We haven't really mentioned it, but like this is a very well-made film. And I can only imagine that actually shooting surfing is a fucking nightmare because you're trying to film a thing that moves unpredictably. You can't even get the like camera lens wet. There's a great, like, top-down.

shot of Johnny and Tracy in bed while he's like weighing up that he's just shot a bunch of Nazis who weren't guilty of the crimes he was going after. I was still guilty of some kind of crimes. But like just that shot is fantastic. It's really good. Just out of nowhere as well. The movie's

well lit too. Yeah. The point of that scene which we skipped over is that he's like I have a dark and terrible secret to tell you and she's like, ah, tell me a bit, tell me a couple scenes. Tell me the next scene. But so he chases Reagan into the L.A. River, and as he drops down into the L.A. River, which is, like, concrete, like, concrete, like, storm drains.

His knee injury. He lands on his footballing knee, the one that's gotten real fucked up. Yeah. And he collapses. And Reagan, like, sees that he is, like, sort of, like, down on the ground and, like, hesitates for a second. Because he's, like, got him at gunpoint, right? But he won't do it. He won't do it.

He's woke. He's woke. He's woke. He does the thing from Hot Fuzz, right? where he's about to shoot him and he like points the pistol up in the air and he becomes the person

of the FBI agent who has fired his weapon 19 times in the line of duty in one day by firing them all at the sun it directly 9 degrees straight up into the air a couple of seconds later

it goes oh shit I need to move yeah I I think you're going to have an interesting time because the FBI I feel like they probably count the bullets right And so Johnny Gray to Manchester is going to have to explain to a guy who already hates him. Like, what did you, what did you fire the like 19 bullets at? And he's going to have to be like, Sky.

Well, no, he's saying, they ask him that and he says, I missed. And he says, I fired at this guy and I didn't get it. Gary Busey says, no, you didn't miss. You didn't miss at all. You missed on purpose because you like surfing too much. Like next scene, he's like 100% you fucking show him to the hour on purpose because you love surfing. Like, there's no. Yeah.

There's no time where anyone misunderstands the motivation here. It's also really, really funny that Busey gets to chew him out on this of being like too close to the surf when the reason why this happened in the first place is because he was eating a sandwich. Yeah, like two of them. And he was he was double-fisted sandwiches while also like newspaper open over his knees reading like wrecked. Morgan M.D. I unbelievable. Just no sort of

introspection at all. Also, rewinding slightly, like when Garibisi gets the sandwich, usually when you're an actor and you're given some food to eat,

you'd eat a small amount of that food because you're going to be doing that all day when you do the take and like because it's like a pain in the ass.

Mad respect. Garibisi just hoses that fucking me or something. Just get on. Put that shit away. Big old bite, baby.

I do one take and one take only. Big old bite Oh yes But now it's time to actually tell Oh no No it isn't

No this is the one where she doesn't say Now it's finally Before that before we get a little bit at the beach Where the surface are freezing out I'm thinking about the mirror shot Sorry They're like they're freaking out Because they're like he's been in the fucking FBI

Yeah right He's been honest the whole time We're like basically fucked And Bodie has to pull together the cult leader thing and be like, listen. Listen to me. Listen to me. It's chill, bro.

Don't worry about it. What if I don't care? What if it was fucking no problem? Which is one of the most powerful ways to get around any problems. Like, the FBI is on you. Okay. I don't even know what that is. I can't even spell FBI, right?

Hey, bro, let me tell you something. I don't do business with the corporation of the United States of America. So the FBI can't touch me. And he's kind of like, what do we even? get into this business for, we got into this, to like show people that, like, to show the normies that the human spirit is still alive and kicking, right? So we got to go out there and we got to be human spiritual. And, like, I don't even care that Johnny Warwickshire is on us, because I got a plan to deal with him. Maybe he's on to us. We got something else to do.

One of these, one of these guys, by the way, is called Rosie and he looks strikingly like Zach from Auntie Donner. Yeah, he does. And so every time he's in a shot, I'm just like, oh, my God. Zach? Yeah. Three of the ex-presents and Mr. Bull are here robbing this. So, meanwhile, meanwhile, back at, back at home, Johnny Lincolnshire has to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, so about my dark and terrible

secret, right? Oh, no, no, no. He's asleep. He's asleep when she shoots his pillow. Not there's a really well put together mirror shot here that we need to talk about that's, I think is the bit where he's saying, oh, I want to tell you something really bad. And she goes, don't worry about it. Because it's such a good shot, reverse shot, all in one camera movement, because you've got her in the mirror and then it pulls across to him and then back to the mirror for her and just, I got cool. I got to say, they fucking put some pussy into making this. They did.

Catherine Bigelow knows how to work a camera. But the problem is, it's the way the CIA tells it to. Did she direct? Yeah. Hell yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Cinematography Donald Peterman. But then, yeah, but Tracy wakes him up with some bullets. Yeah. She Goodfellerses him, right? Like, there is nothing harder than being held at gunpoint by a woman. And so she's like, hey. Clearly, you've never been held at a knife point by a woman. No, I still prefer gun.

But so she's like. hey, you know how you use your real name for the undercover job? Yeah, I googled you Johnny North Dakota from Connecticut and also kept you kept your FBI badge In your wallet I just literally looked in your wallet and was like, oh, you're an FBI agent

He's been surfing with these people What is he leaving his jeans on? He's leaving it in the fucking pants on the beach this whole time And so he's like And to be clear, right, this is the correct response to being spy cops. It's pretty close. She shoots quite close to him.

I would say it's about six inches off being the correct response. Yeah, he turned his head just at the wrong time. But she's like, you have lied to me this whole time. You have, like, you've tricked me into this relationship. We have had sex under false pretences. There's a word for that brother. It's four letters long. She says, are your parents even died from tragedy?

Did your parents even died, bro? She goes, I bet your parents aren't even dead. And he goes, my parents are alive in Louisiana, Michigan, wherever the fuck. And she fucking leaves, just instantly gets out of them. Here's the thing. His defense to this is almost word for word, like a kind of a plausibly real spy copse thing, which is, well, I didn't want to stop being a fed, but I also didn't want to stop having sex with you. So what was I supposed to do?

Well, hey, hey, it started out like that. But now I'm actually in love with you. If I didn't keep lying to you, you probably wouldn't want to keep having sex with me. So I put yourself in my shoes. It was, yeah, it was, because I wanted to keep having sex with you. You don't understand. I wanted to keep having sex with you. I don't think you understand that it would actually be like really inconvenient for me to like,

make a kind of connection with you on like a personal level so I just plus you know I was already lying tears streaming down her face gun pointed at you and you're like put yourself in my shoes for one second all right can you just think about someone else all right it felt good on my penis it felt so good I was so full of cum I wanted to do it again I had so much time all right you don't understand I was in pain I have less now thanks to you it was a medical me at this point. Like, it wasn't even about the sex. It was basically first aid for me.

The thin blue line, but the fat blue balls. Doing rescue breaths on Johnny King Cardin's penis. The fat white rope. We... I'm not, no, no, about that. But, like, but the stance of the podcast is that this is bad. Yeah, it is. Yes, to be clear.

Despite the fact that we've elaborated a whole bit about, how badly this guy needs to come. It's just that this comes up a lot. Yeah. It doesn't matter how many zinc tablets or fucking, like, John, or how much of the full fucking stack. He's got the selenium going. Yeah.

He's on the PME-Cum formula, which I am also one. And listeners, let me tell you, it fucking works. Looking at the cum deposits being like selenium, zinc, there's only one specific place. Abigail's bedroom. So, at this point, he's, It does work, it does work, though. Oh, I fucks up. It really does work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, like, I fucks up real bad. Anyway, immediately the boys come in and do him like the last scene of stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Patrick Swayze comes in. He's like, hey, buddy, why don't you come with us right the fuck now? Yeah. Hey, pal, we're going for another night surf.

Yeah, but this time it's sky surfing. Yeah, get in the car. Interesting. Yeah. And then playing. And he's like, I've fucked up my knee real bad like you just saw me do. And he's like, don't worry about it. We're parachuting into water, which is soft. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't even worry about it. Especially at terminal velocity. So they get in this small aircraft and they're driving flying up and they're like, yeah, this is a little ritual we do at the end of every summer. Me and me and my three buddies, we're going to go sky living. You're going to come to here. I already packed your parachute. The Keonez is like, cool, man.

Just really, yep, just parachute. Keanu is clearly mistrustful of it. But he's just like, okay, well, you can have my parachute and then everyone else does a switcheroo of him as well. Just fucking like shuffles the parachute around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took three cod Monty with it. Yeah, ends up back where he started. It's like, it's a good bit.

But it's also like, they're going to kill you, brother. It's good. It's effectively menacing, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because they know, he knows they know. They know he knows what they know. But they're all maintaining the K-fabe.

Yeah. When they jump out of the plane, Kianu goes last. and I'm like, I just would have stayed in the plane. I probably would have stayed in the plane, yeah. I would have stayed in the plane, man. I just wouldn't have, yeah, I would have been like, I'm going to stay at the plane.

Just immediately like, hey man, could you mind just like flying me somewhere else? I'm actually in the FBI. I'm actually going to sit in the co-pilot seat and you just land, hey. But here's the thing, right? I'm in the FBI. Swayzy, Boadie and Johnny Clack Manonshire, right?

They do some like bro stuff together where they're like, you pull the shoot. No, you pull the shoot in a really kind of like gay way. This scene is really sick. Like, it's, the skydiving scene is beautifully shot. It's really cool.

Eurotic as well. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. The homoerotic parachute just works, which means they are doing make a wish for the federal informant.

That is the plot of in Bruges. We're gonna kill this guy. They are doing in bruges to this man. Well, as we're about to learn, this is a tactic designed to waste his time. They brooged him. After this beautiful scene,

died having seen where like the parachute does in fact function and they land in the water and they land and Keanu Roos is like oh man that feels really great this feels really cool I'm sick of the shit no you love it um but they but like yeah genuinely they're all fine and then afterwards when they're like decompressing bodey comes over to johnny balaska from krasnagorsk and goes hey i got a video for you to watch big man yeah

Johnny Cressney-ask cry, and he's like, yeah, check out, check out this video. This is insurance. Yeah, it's, guess what? It's Tyler in peril. She's, like, tied to her chair, and she's being menaced by Zach from Auntie Donna. Yeah. And so let me tell her about Zach from Auntie Donna. He's a fucking machine.

He will do it if he needs to. And that is true. He says this to him. He goes, like, it's over for her. Like, I can't stop. Zach Ray. Zach Rayne from Auntie Donna is like, he's got a role. He's on a different level from me, right?

Because I'm spiritual, right? But Zach from Auntie Donner. He's a killer. He's a killer. He can't stop me. If I don't meet him in six hours' time and call off the killing, he will start the killing. He'll start the killing. This performance, this scene from Patrick Swayze is so fucking good.

It's so layered that, like, Bodie is genuinely remorseful to do this, but also like is kind of enjoying it, but also needs to do it. It's so, it's a really good fucking performance. He has a phenomenal job of this. He's a good fucking actor in this. He's an interesting kind of bad guy. He's an interesting kind of evil. It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's like, so come with me right the fuck now. We got somewhere to go, big man. Yeah, get in the back of this. Yeah. He took it and make a substantial withdrawal. And we see them suit up for a bank robbery. And as they do, Bode is like, I'm going to explain my theory of bank robbery, right? It's a real guy down the pub shit.

He's like, bank robberies. It's like dogs in that if you establish dominance by like scaring people, you don't even have to kill a dog. Yeah. Or I guess a bank security. Because previously, they're only in there for 90 seconds. They just need to scare people for long enough, like hold their attention for long enough for them to empty out the tills. And then just get out of that. Yeah.

Yeah. You get not a huge amount of money and you just scare the shit out of people. Yeah. And he hands him an empty shotgun to be like, And also, sorry, we don't have like a fifth press. We don't have like a Trump mask. You don't have to go out there. No mask.

Either that or President Keanu Reeves. Ah. Still time. There's still time. Was Keanu Reeves born in the United States? No, he wasn't. He was born in Lebanon. How the fuck do you know that?

Am I wrong? He was born in Beirut. What the fuck? Thank you very much. Born in Peru, Lebanon in the 60s? Hold on. I didn't know this. No, it's fine.

I just didn't expect. It makes it to be Lebanese. Huh. I just had that off the fucking dumb. How? He's English, Hawaiian? Yeah, I don't know how I know that. Okay, well, anyway, so...

To be clear, I've never met him. Let me think about Lebanese. Yeah, I didn't realize he was... Lebanese. This actually really changes a lot of things about the beard for me. I think he was born to, like, American power or something about. It's English Hawaiian. Cool.

Which, yeah. Hawaii is non-consensually part of him. So, Johnny Mnemonic from Lebanon hits the bank with the ex-presidents, full face on display. Yeah, they make it really explosive, by the way, that it's like, damn, this heist chit, it's almost like an extreme sport for us. It's almost the same as the rest of this stuff. It's all adrenaline thrill. And then Patrick Swayze is like, okay, Mr. Nixon hit the vault. Yeah.

And it's like, what? It's funny as well, because when he's in the van, he's like, this is, it's. It's like 90 seconds. It's a small price to pay for someone who loves you, which really sounds like he's talking about himself. But he means Tyler, and I was like, he has known her for two weeks,

all of which under false pretences. But she does not love it. He's like, he changes the plan. Yeah, he changes the plan. It's like hit the vault. And Keanu goes,

you're doing the plot of the transporter. Yeah. You're breaking your own rules. You're wasting your time. You're flirting with not opening the parachute. Yeah. You're doing a truce. adrenaline shit.

Agenitalin drunkie. On the ground, one of the hostages is like, I'm about to do some really sick one of the hostages is talking to a second one of the hostages who is like the security guard and he's like, hey man, I'm a cop. I'm going to pull my guard and start blasting. And the security guard is going, don't do that. Do not do that. Hey, mate, please don't do that. I'm about to go operator mode and the other guy's like, please don't go operator mode. I don't think it would be a good idea.

Which is how I'm responding. If somebody tells me they're going to go operator mode, I'm like, please don't. Don't worry. I'm going to go operator mode. It's like, no, no, no, no, don't do that. I understand what you mean by this, which is you're saying to me that you want me to go operate a mode. Don't worry.

I am fully prepared. He's doing this at this point. He's like, I'm fully prepared to go operator mode. I'm right there. I'm right there. That I have. And so Nixon and LBJ are like scrambling to get into the vault. They're like running out of time.

While they're in there, they're both saying this is a bad idea. We shouldn't be doing this as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're grabbing the cash out of the vault and that's when he goes operative mode, yeah. He shoots Patrick Swayze, who is wearing a bulletproof vest. Keanu Reeves pulls his badge and says, I'm an FBI undercover agent and the guy shoots him twice in the chest.

Hey, that's calm, my brother. Cool, man, bye, bang. Oh, you are, what? Bam, bang, bang, kinetic nipple piercings. They're wearing bulletproof fest and this is a moment I really fucking like, again, props to Patrick Swayze. That Swayze, like, he's fine because he's wearing will have professed, but he pulls his mask off, he looks at the security yard with such

fucking venom and vengeance and shoots him dead. Despite being like, I hate violence, I'm just a hippie, or whatever guy. He's like, fuck you, and like blows him away. And then it's like, oh shit, but also I don't have time to worry about it. The security guard gets killed, the cop gets killed. Jimmy Carter gets shot. Jimmy Carter gets shot while doing a sick role over a counter. I believe that Nixon also dies.

So two of them get shot, right? They have to leave one of them behind, right? Because, like, Bodie's, like, he, like, takes his mask off. He's, like, bleeding out in the mouth that's like, and so they have to leave him, right? They take the other one who is shot with him. Knock Keanu Reeves out. Yes, that's correct. And they leave Johnny there in a sort of no Russian scenario.

Yeah, yeah. They just leave him that. And he wakes up to immediately getting yelled out by everybody. And arrested, actually. Yeah. Dr. Kelso's like you have the right to remain silent you bank robbing piece of shit like Yeah you're in for like conspiracy murder

Like of a cop Like or felony murder rather Yes But so at this point Bucing It's all I need to say Gary Gary gives your rise on the scene It's buse in time and he abuses all over these guys

He goes let me tell you something motherfucker Let me tell you something What he says is Jacking off to the lingerie section Of the Sears catalog And Kelso goes what And he says Jacking off to the lingerie section

of the Sears catalog And then he punches him really hard in the face He's like, I was a fucking FBI agent when you were jacking off to the Montreys' section of a sales catalog shazade out

and just like knocks him the fuck down and this is like a big moment for his character Yeah, this is fine a little out cool has been annoying

Yeah Yeah, yeah so obviously he releases Keanu He's like I know where they're going I'm going to tell Keanu something brother go for it

Good luck Yeah off you go He's like I know where they're going because they said it earlier on when we were in the plane they're going to Santa Monica Airport

let's go now so Gary Busey and Keanuorees go to Sanne Monica Airport and try to arrest them and then he's like you could I have a question at this point do we know what the BRICS training was for it was um

I don't was it trained to get shot was he training to get shot not very well because he doesn't get shot in the training but he does get shot in the next season it was training for Keanu Reeves to hold both of those sandwiches at once.

Yeah. Find the two sandwiches blindfolded. They're dense. They're dense sandwiches. Yeah. So like Bucy sets up in Overwatch and Kianu goes in to try and talk to the to Bodie.

He's like, he tries to bluff them. He's like, we've got a million guys here. You're surrounded and then 15 million cops. Yeah. And then one of the surviving robbers like, walks in on Busey like from the back and shoots in. He walks in on him as he's jacking

off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalogue. Jacking off. Jacking off. Jacking off. Jacking off. Just morning like drive time radio DJ. You're listening to 102.8. Jacking off. Drops the back.

There's a really good. Keanu gives a really good action movie. No. Yeah. So good. She gets got. Busey shoots the guy, like, kind of mortally, but not immediately. And then Bucce gets lit the fuck up. Yeah, Bucke's owned her. They let Keanu kind of, they let Johnny Midlothian kind of get a kind of dying moment with Bucy

in which Bucy is like, I love you, John. And I'm like, you've known this guy for two weeks. And the only thing you know about him is that he's a surprisingly astute surfer and full of come. Like, I... Less so now, but yeah. He's way less full of calm now. It's like, it's like the, you know, like the fuel meter in a car. It's like a notch off of full, but like...

He's whatever the cum equivalent of phlegmatic is. He's not running out of cum any time. He's making more of it too, because he's still taking that zinc. He's got like, you know, a good 400 miles of cum left. But so, yeah, this is like a real like dad fantasy as well, even though as we know, Johnny Johnny Dunbartonshire's dad is still alive. in Ohio. He's fine.

Wasn't cool enough, I guess. It's fine. You had a surrogate dad in Gary Bucce. My surrogate loves you and dies. Gary Busey. So they make him get in the plane. And this was pre-9-11, so you could just do whatever. They're flying down to Mexico.

It's time for the second skydiving scene of the movie. I note my favorite federal crime that that Bodie commits in this movie, which is call sign abuse, because of the president's thing he calls himself Air Force One which is quite funny Their plan is to fly over Mexico Jump out skydive down to Mexico

With the money And then meet Zach from Mountie Donner down there Right And then they're in Mexico right And so their whole Keanu Reeves at gunpoint And then it's like well you almost got me this time But no And then Patrick Swazzy throws the gun away

And jumps out of the plane Not not not yet Because one thing he says before he does Is you want to have sex with me Like gay sex with me really badly, right? Yeah, he says that, yeah. He says, I know you want me so bad.

It's like acid in your mouth. And then he jumps out of the plane. And as if to prove his point, Keanu is in really a high watermark for American cinema, is like, I do want him that bad and jumps out of the plane without a parachute. He grabs the gun and leaves out with no parachute

and might not say sick. Yeah, it's cool. This could only have been sicker if as he grabbed him in midair, he said, remain silent. He should have said it. I was saying it. He chases him down in midair and he's clinging on to him and then... They have to play chicken. Bodey, because... Yeah, Bodie tells him like, you've got, you've got like six seconds to pull the rip court. If you want to do that,

you have to let go of the gun. You won't be able to arrest me. I would have put the gun in my, in my waistband and then done it, but okay. He says, strangely. What? You got to be big waffle. What? You're going to be. You're going to be meatwaffles. Oh, yeah. Going to be meat waffles. You're going to be meat waffles. You hate to fuck up your cool line at the last moment, you know?

Like all the pressures on you. Yeah. You're going to be meat waffles. Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Whole rest of a skydive. I'm just like, why'd I fucking say that? I'm derailing the podcast because I got to talk about, much like the cummets

Keanu Reeves, it's full of Keanu Reeves. Like, I am full of thoughts about a line from a different movie. So I saw a movie called The Accountant. I have also watched The Accountant. fork to me. You've never seen it. Hit me. Check out the accountant.

John Bernthal, man with some bad politics, good actor, is in that movie. And one, so he's playing the punisher. Okay. He is, but he's playing like the kind of chaos punisher, right? He's a little bit fruity with it as well. And so at one point, he's like holding a guy in his house. He's trying to arrange like a kind of a fake suicide. And he goes, listen, if you don't let me fake this suicide, I got to make it look like a home

invasion. I got to kill you. I got to, like, violate your wife and then burn the house down. And then he goes, all right, calm down. I'm sorry I said that. I'm not going to violate your wife. Not only would that be like morally kind of, you know, incompatible with my kind of code of being. Physiologically, it's a non-starter.

He says that. Yeah, he does say that. Then he says, like, I don't even know why I say things. Sometimes it just comes out of my mouth, which is why I think of this, right? It's because he's very chaotic and the kind of like, I'm just saying stuff, right, thing. But here's the thing. They never explain why his character is physiologically incapable of that.

And I watched the sequel, the accountant squared to see if they answer that. And they don't. I'm going to be seated for the accountant cubed day one. I'm going to see if I can get to the premiere. If I ever meet John Bernthor, John Berthel, I have two questions. I have two questions for John Bernthor. Question one, why did you have an IDF guy on your podcast to talk about how difficult it was on October 7th? And then the second question is going to be...

It was really hard. I mean, what did that line mean? Did you get your dick shot off in the war? Are you asexual? Is he transmask? Because he's kind of T-boy coded in the accountant, the accountant squared. I'll say that much. I don't know.

I haven't been able... For quite some time. Clearly he's insulting the wife. I'm sorry? Clearly, he's insulting the wife's looks. I don't know that that follows. I don't, because physiologically, we don't ever see the wife. He's calling the wife, he's calling the wife ugly and saying I couldn't maintain an arrangement because your wife's...

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You're not as, like, literate with the accountant kind of corpus as I am right. That's true. First of all, you haven't fucking, you're not familiar with the literature. What do I know? I only write movies for a fucking living, yeah. He's never, he's never like, you didn't write the accountant.

He's never ever shown displaying any kind of attraction to a woman, and in fact, actively avoidant of it, I need to know what is going on with John Bernthal in The Accountant. I don't know why he can't do that. Thank you for bringing us to my attention. Yeah, of course. So point break. Meatwaffles. Yeah. Meatwaffles. All I'm saying about this is that Robert De Niro and Al Pacino never fucking sky-dineau.

in heat. All right. They somehow managed to get that movie done without that. It would have been a weirder movie.

They should have skifted. So, so, so Johnny, Johnny West Glamorgan lands at the same time and,

and becomes the most knee-injured man in America because he lands on the footballing knee again. Yeah, he doesn't like,

and it's like, oh, wow. Oh, my knee. Patrick Swayze's like, ah, walk much? No, I'm just kidding. I'm getting away and I'm goodbye. Yeah, he just kind of leaves.

Zach Roy and Franty Donner rolls up in the car with Tracy and they make the transfer. They let her go and she's kind of released back into the custody of her. Rapist. Yeah, let's be clear here. She's wearing a leg of the show. Yeah, she runs to him and it's like, oh, Johnny. And it's like, uh, how does he reply?

I don't remember. What does he say? He says, shut up. And that's the last we hear from or of her that entire. a movie. Really? Yeah, he says, shut up. And that's it.

Wow. Delightful. We start the discussion at seven later. We got to flash forward here. We do, we do. Because one year later. Yeah, one place that he knows. But there's only, oh yeah.

There's one place we know. The other robbers, all dead. Like, Rosie dies off screen, right? Like, the other guy just bled out. He parachutes down. Like, they attach the. parachute to him and throw him out the plane and he is alive long enough to like start the parachute I guess and then like we just get this long shot of him just like lying there with

the parachute flapping in the breeze it's pretty good yeah Rosie dies off screen but then yeah you got to go to Australia crikey because he knows that Bodie is going to be there I appreciate Keanu Reeves in this thing's got a little bit of beard coming in he's like wet again in my He's looking fucking sexy in this, yeah. But so he just kind of knows that Bodie is going to be at this particular bay during this massive storm. And, of course, it is like, you know, extremely stormy weather. Johnny Oregon from Montana is walking down there. He's like passing a bunch of people going the other way.

And he's like, is there anyone out there surfing and are like, no? Are you insane? Certain death. Yeah, he's like, no. So, yeah. So, yeah. Johnny, Johnny Stewardry of Kirkcudbright. Some of these, we've got some places in this country.

Johnny visibly reading from a map. Tennessee. I don't know. I guess he's like Johnny West Australia now. Yeah, he's Johnny Queensland. Johnny West Australia from North Australia. Yeah, we, you know, we stopped trying actually at a certain point where we were naming the Australian states. We?

Well, we landed down there. and we start sending the boys. So he's like, he confronts him. He's like, I've been chasing you. I almost caught you in like Bali. And like, but I knew you would be here because I knew you wouldn't miss this. Right. And they have a fight on the beach.

First Patrick says, are you still surfing? And he goes, every day. And I'm like, that's quite a commitment. Every day. Every day. Keep keeping up with the surf lessons. But so they have a fight, which is really funny because at one point, Swayze, he's like, he's like, winning, but he's like slamming Keanu down

on his back, but it's like onto wet sand, so I'm just like, it's not going to hurt that much, right? Just like, don't, out. It's not comfortable. It's just like, I'm a massage. Well, for getting more comfortable every time, because it's molly to you? There's a perfect

Kianu back imprint in the beach, yeah. But so, eventually he like, Kianu succeeds in handcuffing him to himself, because like their destinies are like tied together. Yeah. And They're gay for each of them. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And it's also like, do you think I came here alone? It's like, no, I brought every cop in Australia with me. All the cops are like setting up to come down. And Bodhi's like, hey, listen, wouldn't it be fucking sick if I surfed for a bit? And Johnny's like, oh, shit. It's like, come on, let me have one last ride, baby. That would be fucking sick. Really cool how much less cool the Australian cops are.

Like, visibly just like, showing up a bunch of like rain-soaked, like, British cop hats, awful. Yeah, they've all got the corks around their fucking cop hats. There's cliff side of the side that you've got the whole beach log down. There's no way I can go anywhere. Just let me ride one fucking wave man. My whole life has been about this moment. Yeah, and I might not say, the man you murdered, what was his whole life about?

I also wrote that down. I wrote down what moment was that security guard? I know I killed a lot of people, but like I really want to do this. So it's kind of, you should let me. You committed two fucking murders. That's the logic of the Spycox thing he was doing earlier. So, of course, Johnny Dundee buys into that, right? Johnny Oglow was immediately going, oh, yeah, 100, mate, that makes sense.

Turns out the logic of, yeah, I really want to, works on this guy really well. He uncuffs him and goes, via condeus! He's fucking, like, yeah, man, hackton, woo! And on board he goes out there to do some stuff and, The rest, the Australian cops, we'll get to that, the Australian cops roll up and we get an unbelievable line read from one of them, which I don't have here, but he, like, lights it up John Tron's style, he goes, we'll get it when he comes back in. Which, mwha. Fantastic. And then it cuts across.

What happens? What happens, to Bodie in the water, and he stands up on that wave for 0.1 of a second immediately tumbles each ship. we see him glide down the wave and it crashes and he's dead he's fucking dead immediately his shit and dies straight the fuck away he doesn't even get a close up

where he's just like yeah like he's enjoying himself just ultra wide shot instant death yeah genuinely so fucking funny blunt force trauma from water because he's like surfing a fucking tsunami like it's like 20 dudes tall

and he just dies the only way it could be more slapstick is if they played the sound effect of like a little like single drop of water. Just like, it's over for him. Wipe out, yeah.

Yeah, well, there you go. It's so slapstick. One more thing happens. Keanu Reeves, like, throws his FBI badge into the sea as he walks away. It's just like, fuck yeah, man.

And we got a cool fucking surfing song for the credits. Yeah, bro. The lesson of this, incredible. Surfing rocks. Yeah, man. Yeah.

Do you stop being a fed, which that's progress, I guess. quits being a fed. Wait, what is it? What is? Stop being a fed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. Stop being a fed.

Start surfing. He becomes a good cop by resigning. Mm-hmm. I mean, resigning in a really surfer-coded way of, like, flipping your badge into the, like, surf. But, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, they'll just start criminal proceedings against you, man. Yeah, man.

Probably for that, probably for that murder you kind of assisted in underdress. Like. I know that you're only quitting, because you're, you don't want to talk to your boss about having let that guy go just then. But you are going to have to have that conversation. Kind of anyway. Yeah, because I'm kind of working for the FBI. Yeah, they'll have words.

This is a fascinating movie about masculinity. It is. It is. It is. In the sense that it's like, gay. The dudes, yeah, the homosexual, the sublimated homosexual desire that, like, is channeled through excitement and through, like, cop and robber, right?

And it's like, these motherfuckers want to kiss each other, right? Yeah, just spend the movie literally pursuing him. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he does. And he's the only person that he really cares about, like... Yeah, he does not give a fuck about Trace to him. But, like...

Tyler, sorry. What's a fucking... Yeah, but it's just like... Yeah, he, like saves her, but like, it's not like he... She's there in order to give him the not gays. Yeah. If she wasn't in the movie, they'd be like, this guy's gay. Yeah.

A hundred fucking percent. Like, if there wasn't some female character here, it would just be him and Patrick Swayze. Because Patrick Swayze is like, I used to be with her, which means I'm not gay. Even I only hang out with other men, and I have all of my most exciting times and the things that I care about, I only do with other men. How could we be gay? We've all slept once each with this woman. Mm-hmm. So, you know, can't be gay, hey, for a start.

The kind of, like, anti-gay precautionary woman is like, that's a grim social. It's no good. It's no good at all. It's like previously, the only way that you could like fulfill that was like going to a girl school next to an all boys school and like, even then. But so this movie, it's like, it's bad as well in the sense that like the politics of it, it's a vile object, right? Yeah, yeah.

Like politically it's not great. As a movie, it rocks. It's like an extremely well-made movie that rules and like I enjoyed watching, even though politically it's very bad. It does rock, but it's going to score really highly. Probably, yeah. Yeah. The thing is, it's also like one of those things where it's suffered a bit from like, it feels dated now, but that's largely because it's a victim of its own success. In that like everyone parodied it in the years after this. Yeah. Yeah. It's an easy thing to parody action movies generally are, right? Because it's a kind of genre with a lot of hubris to

it, right? And like, yeah, I think a lot of the like camera stuff, genuinely kind of... Like, as a technical achievement, like filming, surfing, ADRing, surfing sequences, I'm like, yeah, as a technical achievement, this movie is impressive. There are certain points where I'm like, you could, okay, you could have stuck a long lens

on a tripod on a beach and kept the crew dry, but actually, the camera takes us out into the waves a fair bit, and I'm like, God, that must have been a fucking night met of film. Yeah, genuinely. Especially at night. But we don't have to justify any of this subjectively because we have an objective system.

It's called the scum system. The thing based system on this podcast. It's called, it stands for surfing, come. Yeah, that's the rest of it. It's S come, yeah. Yeah, it stands for surfing, come. And calm. It stands for smaum, cultural, and sensitive as the unprovoked violence and misogyny.

It was going to drive a bunch of people crazy if I didn't say the actual thing. How smarmy is point break? Via condios. It is my answer. so fucking pleased with itself. It knows that all of the shit it's putting in is cool. All of Dr. Kelso's lines in the first

scene where Dr. Kelso like choose Keanu Reeves out and he goes, I guess we must have an asshole shortage and then Keanu Reeves is like, no, it's so far. It's so cool. It's good. It's good shit. I'm afraid. I love it. It's great, but it is very swammy. Five? Yeah, I'll go five. Yeah, I can see five. I don't want

to get punitive. Cultural insensitivity. Now, the only culture that it shows is South California surfers. Yeah. With which it reflects the diversity. Yeah.

There's all sorts of political opinions. Nazis. Nazis. Yeah. Other normal, I guess. Surfers. You know, standard lives. The FBI is mostly white, but you'd say

that's accurate. There are some agents of color. It's a mission more than anything else, you know? As far as I know, the only black character is one of the Nazis, which... Interesting. That is how it be these days sometimes All of our leads are white

Which is yeah Yeah But Keanu Reeves White is the longest thread In the history of four of us right Because Keanu Reeves is Asian American Right We'll get to the bottom of this

Hmm Yeah well Get the calip us out Two, three That's the thing Kiano Reeves is like Racial identity in the terms of like Selling him for a Hollywood movie

In 1991 White somewhat more of a vexed question, right? Like, English, native Hawaiian, Chinese, Portuguese, okay. He's from everywhere. We just call that American in the business. I think this movie isn't actively culturally insensitive, I would say. But by a mission, sure.

So on that basis, that gives us, what, like a three? Two. Two is a mission. Sure. Okay. It can't be nothing because people of color exist, but it's not actively harmful or anything. too unprovoked violence Well so we established that like a kind of

Relatable thing for the FBI to do Is to just shoot at a fleeing fugitive Yeah, that's true That is like the thing that he's supposed to have done I think it is worth noting that at no point Did any of the ex-presidents kill someone Until the FBI started getting involved That is true

And then suddenly like multiple people die Like I don't know The cop going operator mode is shown to be not foolish necessarily, but futile, certainly. The woman in her underwear does get killed for our enjoyment.

Definitely. That's true. That is true. There's a couple of like really lascivious shots of Nazi gunshot wounds as well. Like there's one guy who gets like shot in the foot that they really stick around with. Yeah. But I mean, that's great because they're Nazis. Yeah. So it is. Yeah, of course. But like at the same time, it's like

given the kind of trajectory of Catherine Bigelow's career and what violence she has chosen to kind of make a living depict. Yeah, true, true. The big arc there, you know, towards Fed Slot. I feel like, I feel like it's got to be at least a couple. Yeah, I feel like in that vein, it is a little bit like more gory with more injury detail than you would expect to have certainly a modern movie. I'll be very interested to see whether the modern remake preserves that angle to it.

I could go as high as three or a four. Yeah, I'd say like a three maybe. Yeah, three, I can't think of what would bring it above a three for me. It's not particularly sadistic. It is. Well, it's asking us to kind of hand wave Patrick Swayze's murder of two people because on the grounds that surfing is cool. If you're cool enough at surfing, then you can murder two people.

I'm like, I don't know. He doesn't deserve a happy ending. You should have just gone to jail. Yeah, I don't know. That's true. Again, letting him go out there and surf as a sort of like honorable suicide, which is what the movie conceives of it as. Yeah.

It's like, it's sort of confirming everything that he's done in the movie thus far as being broadly fine four I could see my way to four but I think it's I think it's a three personally Dev tiebreaker three but I know that it's going to

pick up some fucking points in this next one and now misogy seven of them I would say yes now this is

two women one of them is an FBI computer lady the other is like this is rape this is like spy cop shit

there's one female character there are There's one woman in the FBI office. There are two Nazi broads who sort of get like menaced and then like disposed of for our enjoyment. And all set dressing. It's really bad. I would, I would, I would get into the really punitive zone for this.

Eight, to be honest. I would, yeah, I'd go eight. I think so. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Like the spy cop shit, it's just atrocious. You can't, you can't be doing that. Yeah. The movie kind of justifies it, you know?

Yeah. It never sort of makes us... Even presents it as romantic. Question Johnny... Staffordshire? Yeah. Like, he goes out of the... Like, he goes out of his way to save that he's gonna do spike up shit to her in the scene

he finds out about her. Like, we see him get saved and then like lock onto her as a target. Watch her get changed. Go home like... Oh, the watcher get changed. ...the watcher get changed. God. Did you, like, come up with a backstory that is more likely to get her to emotionally connect

with him and then use that to have sexual... I forgot that to have sexual... Watches her get changed? Like, nine? I would stick with eight, but I think it's definitely, because it's presenting it as like, not even that this is like, it's always it's worse for this, right?

It's not going like, this is a thing that makes him particularly cool, rather this is just a natural, normal outcome of like him being a kind of regular guy. Well, obviously he would come up with this because it would help him. So it makes sense for he would do this, you know. If movies are in the business of like creating expectations

and, like, have a normative function, then, yeah, of course, this is, this is rape culture in the most sort of, like, obvious sense, and this is terrible, you know? I think it's like rape and police culture, too. And I put it down as an eight. Okay. That gives it a total score of 18, which to me feels like it's getting off a little light, but this is a science-based system. It is, yeah, it is, but there's just not a ton of unprovoked violence or culture.

The thing is. Same as Golden Eye, if anyone's keeping school. Weirdly, I feel like that kind of tracks. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah. It's sort of like of, of its time, the 90s. Yeah, I mean, we also do have to say the Cronstein rosette goes to Nazi shower woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which exploited Nazi shower woman. Congratulations. I'm trying to, I'm bringing the rosette to you and I'm going to pin it on you and I'm going, ooh, you got to put some clothes on before I. Yeah. Yeah. Like at least a bra or something. So I can pin this to something.

Yeah. Yeah. Troubling. Troubling. Anything else? Any other awards? My goodness. Any good nights?

Does anyone go above and beyond in the case of heroism? I don't think that there are any heroes in the movie. I don't think anyone serves the cause of justice at any point. I don't think so either. Yeah, this makes me feel very kind of like nihilistic. Tyran puts her life on the line. Nah. This is a dog gets chuffed.

Gary, Bucing, ate the fuck out of that meatball sub. He did. He fucking owls. that thing. Good night cross to the meatballs up. He got those bricks. Yeah, and again, what, why was that? What he was doing at the start of the movie?

Wait, wait, I have an answer here. The Good Night Cross to Dr. Kelso for being the one person with a theory of policing and just being interpersonally so big of an asshole that it just does not matter because no one listens to him. Yeah, he was correct the entire time. Yeah, he was right about everything. It's just he was an asshole and therefore that that like really compromised his ability to work in the system. And that, yeah.

All right then. That's point break, baby. That's point break. That's point break. We will see you for the next point break. Yeah. For 2015. Sifts up again.

But before we do, we have a Patreon where we do bonus episodes and the next bonus episode is Jonathan Glazers under the skin. Yes. A charing shifted. tone. I will be taking my swimsuit and sunglasses off to record that one. We put mine on. Okay, so, perfect. Well, we will record that in a second. You will listen to it a week after. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye, everyone. Hang loose.

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