Kill James Bond! - S4E29: Diamonds are Forever with No Notes

Episode Date: December 27, 2025

It's that most festive of periods, that most goodwill of all men, that most silent and holy of nights, and you know what that means: We're skipping out on the usual postwar depictions of middle-aged men being miserable to see what exactly we remember about a movie we all last watched in May 2021. Spoilers: Not much! We're pretty certain a guy goes 'BAJA????' ----- Check out friend of the show Mattie's new book Simplicity here, or wherever fine graphic novels are sold! ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. In our home, we talk a lot about how insane everything feels, and agonise constantly over what can be done to best help the Palestinians trapped in Gaza facing the full brunt of genocidal violence. My partner Rebecca has put together a list of four fundraisers you can contribute to- all of them are at work on the ground doing what they can. -Palestinian Communist Youth Union, which is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 -Thamra, which distributes herb and veg seedlings, repairs and maintains water infrastructure, and distributes food made with replanted veg patches https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-thamra-cultivating-resilience-in-gaza ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the every app account

Baha. Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. Recorded immediately after the previous episode of Kill James Bond, all of us a few drinks deep um i hope you had a wonderful christmas illustrated by the the word going wrong just that i've i'm illustrating that yeah we're drunk recording this listen it's coming out on the 26th of december if you're not drunk listening to this you're not spiritually aligned with the content that we're producing okay i need you to get your fucking weather vein tuned in to the alcohol frequency get up there on the roof like a serious man and tune the fucking aerial yeah

You know, receive F-True. Get in your car. Drive somewhere. Get a little irresponsible. Say some shit to your podcast co-hosts, you know? Just say it. Just do it. Yeah.

Get around the open. Four years. It's about time. It's fucking happened, right? It's been coming a long time. It's been filled out. We all knew this was going to happen. Yeah.

We all suspected strongly. Well, I think it's been sort of a will-they-won- kind of situation for a long time. And I think... I think that helps the energy. I really do. I've coming down firmly on the side of Will at this point. I would say that the only energy stronger than will they won't they is

will they won't they doesn't matter but they definitely have and I look forward to that energy going into 2026 so this is really hitting the like work Christmas party vibe already isn't that this is a work Christmas party this one we're recording for two hours we've got something to talk about like on its face but however long we want to spend with that but it's going to take us like 15 minutes if you're not familiar with the program

here that we're trying to do. Originally, when we started Kill James Bond, we were just going to do the Bond movies, and then what we were going to do after that was instead of doing every movie and what they have to say about masculinity when we remember to include that bit, my original plan

was we would just start over with no notes, not rewatching the movies, we would just start over at Doctor No, and then every time we hit no time to die, we would start over again until it was a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy, and it was just a podcast that was just chatting.

And if you wanted the Bond movies, you'd go to season one, but otherwise, it was just us hanging out being friends, right? Largely inspired by Mr. Burns, a post-electric play.

It's a really funny idea. I think it's a great performance art piece. It wouldn't have been as successful as the podcast is now. But because of that, every so often when we need a little treat, when we need to wheel the TV in on a rainy day in school,

we'll try to remember what happens in the James Bond movie. The thing is, Mr. Burns, a post-electric player, would not pay my rent in the way that Kill James Bond does. No. No. But also, we don't want to do a sort of Q&A, which is our other wheeling the TV option in, when we're all drunk, everyone's kind of going home for the holidays anyway.

We wouldn't be treating your questions with a reverence they deserve, you know? No, I certainly wouldn't. Every time you ask me a question in a Q&A, I sort of do a deep search of my own soul. You know, it's a really, like, it's a rigorous process. It's like an agnation spirituality thing. I'm like Andrew Garfield in silence, you know. I'm just really sort of like, where I think I am. I, when I'm trying to collect up the questions for a Q&A episode,

I'm scrolling down the questions I've been asked, I'm going, how dare you ask me that? How dare you ask me that? That one's about the Muppets, nice. Copy-paste, how dare you ask me that? So instead of that, we have to talk about a film, which, to the best of my knowledge, contains no Muppets. And that is, diamonds are forever.

Diamonds Off Forever with no notes. Diamonds are forever. Diamonds are forever with no notes. I always think of it that way in that cadence because it has the Shirley Bassie song, right? Where she sings it insanely weird, bracket, positive, diamonds are forever. Fantastic. They are all I need to please me. Which I saw Slater drop like an unannounced cover of Diamonds Off Forever at a gig once and it was fucking amazing.

It's so like, it's really, really good. Also, listeners, a little peek behind the curtain. Diamonds are forever. It's on one of my sex playlists. This movie. I've done I've done some stuff to bond themes before, but it wasn't my choice. It's like two and a half

hours. Not a movie. This song! That's really fucking funny though. Go ahead. Sorry. No, it's fine. I can disclose too much on this podcast. It's fine. W's listening to this because, you know,

it's Christmas. They're all eating left. over's with their family. One time, one time I went to a kink thing and I hooked up with a really, really hot Domna who knew the podcast and thought it would be a fun bit in the course of sort of like hitting me a lot to put on some bond themes in the course of that. And I'm just there like, no, this fucking sucks. No, no. It's the last thing I want.

That's so hot, though. Which bond themes are we talking? It depends on the bond themes straight away. It was genuinely sadistic. What's the one that goes like, wah-wa-wa-wa, because I... Goldfinger. Goldfinger.

Yeah. I distinctly remember the beat of Goldfinger. Like, you know, the stuff gets in your head. Anyway. Devacettingly hot. Anyway, but we're not the theme song yet, because the first thing I remember is there's surgery and there's mud, mud pits.

No, you're right. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, let's take a second. I want the surgery to know. night. Let's place ourselves in time here because this is, I want to say, the 60s or the 70s? Let's place ourselves in vaguely. This is directly after Lazenby comes in. And he does his one movie,

like Sean Connery, he's done four, five bonds, he's sick of it. He's done. He asks for a million bucks. They say, fuck off. And he goes, fine, I'll fuck off. So they get this Australian cut in. He does it for one round and he doesn't enjoy it and he doesn't do it again. So they go, fuck we need bond again we need to think of a new guy to be bond but roger more he's busy he's doing something else he's not quite fruited yet what if we just got the fucking guy back yeah and then we went back to him and we went fuck it we'll pay you a million this time would you like to be in another bond movie and he did he visibly earning a million dollars i saw a great clip of a film called the hill recently which was one of uh i love the hill i want to watch at some point we will do

it. Absolutely. One of his post-bond things where he's like, I'm a serious actor. I've got serious dramatic credentials. And the thing is, he did, right? Like, it's a good film. It's well-acted. Well, exactly. But in this one, it's like, guy going back to a thing he hates, 2.33am, going back to the fridge for more Bond. It's like, fine. I'll play Bond again. Yeah. This is the one, he's infiltrating in the, like, fucking white tuxedo from the water, right? No, that's Goldfinger. This is, there's a mud. Blofeld is getting surgery on his face.

This opens with Blofeld, because Blofeld has escaped. He was Telly Silvalis in the last movie, but he's gone away. He's escaped. To begin with, I was born without earlobes. Yeah. This was when he had no earlobes and now he's gay. He's Charles Gray. He's Captain Henderson.

He's gone, he's not going Japanese. He's getting facial gratification surgery in the mud. He's fucking, they're making Blofeld doubles. They're making like multiple Bloiselt's and Blufeels. Like, I want the surgery tonight. And his surgeons are just like, you can't. Like the experimental rib surgery that the L.A. surgeons learned from the Russians, we haven't perfected that yet. You've got to wear a corset for three months after you get that operation.

The pelvis widening is still in the sort of cadaver studies phase. We can't do it yet. I mean, he's like, I want it tonight. Blofeld, I'm very gay. Bond must presumably infiltrate this scene at some point. I have no memory. I don't think it's even shown. I don't think he does.

Bonfeld ends up in the mud pit because Bond thinks he's dead. Bond like turns the mud to too much and then dumps him in the hot mud yeah that's the thrust of this

he like kills Blofeld we think yeah yeah yeah I don't think we even really like get any the cat hisses and then we zoom in

on the cat girl collar and it has the very special cat girl collar for very special girls and then it transitions to the theme song yes diamonds are forever

they're forever this is on your sex playlist that can simulate and tease me yeah yeah sure yeah I don't think we even see Connery during the mud bit. I think it's, he just, I don't need love. He must be there, because he thinks he's killed blood, love to.

He, he, he, I don't know. I genuinely don't know. But then we start, we, we start with another, uh, 009ing, right? Because this is where we're introduced to Wint and Kidd, I want to say. Is it the start? Yes, yes, yes, sure. If God meant man to fly, Mr. Wint, he would have given him. Wings.

Wings. These two gay guys. One of whom is Kristen Glover's dad. They must kill a man. Yeah. Incredibly sort of famous jazz pianist, I want to say. Really? Is Mr. Wint and then Mr. Kidd is some guy.

Yeah. They kill a guy by like sabotaging his like aircraft or something. Really? They're in a desert. They're in the desert and they kill a guy and they walk off holding hands. Yeah. Yeah. Does it explode?

Because they're gay. I can't risk it. I just went to Google Winn and Kid. I can't risk it. risk it. I don't want to see anything that happens in this movie. It must be a plane. It must be a plane. It's the only reason, because it sets up the if God meant man to fly in Mr. Wint line. Oh, you're right. It must do. Okay. So they, they, all right, fine.

We must then cut to Bond. Yeah, Bond is in, Bonn is, I think he gets called straight into London to be like somebody gets double-onined. Okay. And you have to go to Amsterdam about it. For this movie, I really feel like I've got most of it. I've started at the end and I've pieced it backwards, but I just, I just don't remember Powerbond gets

Is there something about a South African diamond operation? It's got to be diamonds, right? So it'll be South Africa. Yeah, it is South Africa. He swallow it, yeah. We see someone fucking like

X-raying miners. Somebody's like a minor is stealing diamonds. It's a South African mine doctor. Yes. And they're going through Europe.

They're going through Venice or something like that or Amsterdam. Amsterdam. It's canals. Yeah, so like it's a mine doctor. He's,

like smuggling diamonds out of the mine because guys are swallowing the diamonds for him he like is about to steal the diamonds he hands them over to Mr. Winton, Mr. Kidd. Mr. Kidd kill him by blowing up his plane escape hand in hand with the diamonds bond some diamonds have gone missing in South Africa we think they're going to Amsterdam

you have to go to Amsterdam You need to defend the diamond industry He meets M in a location that's not MI6 It's just like De Diamond headquarters or something. It's like De Beers. He's doing this on behalf of like DeBier's because there's a third guy that they meet who's just like, I'm Mr. Diamonds and they're fucking with our diamond pussies. Yeah.

No, no, no. I don't think that's true. I think you're confusing it with the Bank of England guy and Goldfinger. Yeah. To begin with, we are vitally concerned with unauthorized leakages. Yeah, but I think they do it again with Mr. Diamonds. Yeah. I don't remember Mr. Diamonds.

For them to do it, but I don't recall it. You know what I remember is Bond drives to the. channel ferry and the customs officer is Moneypenny. Yes, you're right. She's in a uniform. Yeah, because it's the fucking hovercraft.

The speed link hovercraft. The wonderful nationalized hovercraft. Does he have a cue scene with some gadgets first? I don't know if he does. There's got to be gadgets. I just don't remember them. There's got to be gadgets though. But you're right that MoneyPenny is the channel.

A woman in uniform always sticks in my memory. Your Mr. Make sense. Whatever the fuck. You were usually bond off. Here's your fucking papers. God, what's his codename?

That's going to drive me insane because if I can pull that, I will be sort of like awarding myself a diamond and ruby encrusted crown. If I can remember Bond's code name in diamonds of forever. I don't remember. I know that he gets, I know that he gets mistaken for some sort of assassin because he fakes having killed James Bond.

Peter? In Europe. Peterson? Is it Peterson? Is it somebody? Jordan Peterson. Your code name is Jordan Peterson. Call name is Jordan Peterson.

Your name's round tree. Like Smarty is like shaft. Go to Amsterdam on the nationalized hovercraft. Yeah. Get a hovercraft. Question mark. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Go and have a look at some diamonds. There's a school teacher out there who was in South Africa. Yes. And we think she might be like a fence, right? Well, remember. I knew the last was there. I'm just trying to figure out how she was connected. He wanders around Amsterdam and we get some nice shots of the canals and the narrow houses

because he tries her at home. Yes. Does he follow a guy and take his place? Yes. He takes somebody's identity. A guy fights him in the escalator as he's going up in like the cage. Yeah, because there's a guy who was in prison in the UK and Bond takes his identity. Yes, yes.

No matter what, he like slides his ID into this guy, he swaps it around. the last meets him and goes, oh my God, you just killed James Bond. Yes, you're right. And we got the drop. Yeah. Kill James Bond. Yeah. We felt good about that.

We felt really good about that. And then look at it, it's also like a, it's his Playboy Club card. He's a member of the Playboy Club card. Oh, it is his Playboy Club card. I read Gloria Steinem's two-part article, a bunny's tale where she, like, got a job as a playboy bunny. And let me tell you, they had not invented feminism yet. And they still wouldn't, as far as you have known.

was concerned. Yeah, very, very bad. I would be surprised if Hugh Heffner invented feminism. Yeah. That would have been unsuspected. Gloria Steinem kind of dead. Anyway,

but so she's the diamond fence. I think there's somebody else there in the room because I can picture that show. But anyway, she's like, you just killed James Bond. And he's like, eh, all right, yeah, sure, whatever. That's going to be the name of a podcast. What's the next location of this movie?

That's catchy. I like that. Winton kid are here and they kill a school to do. They push her into a canal, and they say they push her into a canal, yeah. Something, I don't know what it is. Something, don't they throw roses

into the canal after her or something? Something like that, yeah. They definitely, they kill her in the canal, 100%. K-a-anel, fuck you. If man had meant to canal, Mr. Winn, he would have made him in Amsterdam.

If God had meant man to swim in a canal, he would have given him water wings. Yeah, he would have been from a Macabee television. There's something about, pictures of her with kids because they're implied to be paedophiles

oh yeah yeah they do imply that don't they do of course that's fucked up that they do that yeah they do because she was a teacher

over there yes you're right you're so right fuck that that's awful but you're so right yes so we know he has to get

to Las Vegas how does he get from Amsterdam to Las Vegas Power word Baja if you just think that to yourself

long enough, it'll come to you. Absolutely right because, like, I'm thinking there's a guy and he goes, Baja, I don't know, that's when he'll hold things in Baja. Way later, way later. So we have to get to him,

but to him we have to get to fucking Vegas. Vegas. Yeah. It's probably through fucking Felix lighter, isn't it? Like, one of the diamonds has like a, has like a watermark or some shit like that. Yeah, they're like, the diamonds are like coded or whatever.

The diamonds have like a thing. Bond of this diamond is micro-wetched with the words next location. Cool. Bond, for some reason, you have to go to... You're undercover, right? Because everyone thinks that you're the guy that killed Jane's Bond.

So you're going to go meet, I don't know, our boss in Vegas. Why not? Okay, cool. Because there's a mysterious Howard Hughes billionaire who we found out later as Blofeld who lives on the top floor of a hotel in Vegas.

Wow. Bahaw. And yes, because Bloffeld is like, you search this guy's identity. But he lives on the top floor of the hotel in Vegas. We don't know he's Bloffield yet. So you've got to go to Vegas for some reason.

of age, you got a tool, you got a, you got a, you got a fuck around, but you got a tool around a bit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. You got a plenty of tool around a bit. Yeah. So he meets a, there must be so much more shit that happens to him. When we read the plot synopsis at the end of this feverish 45 minutes, we're all going to go, oh, for fuck sake. I have no idea what happens to the woman he meets in Amsterdam, but yeah. He meets like a waitress called Plenty O'Too. Names for your father, I assume. Your father had an enormous penis Your father must have a big penis She's like, no, it was my mom's actually, but Anormish gold, like Your father must be There's lovely gold member there It was a little. They must fuck at some point

Because I remember Sean Connery takes his shirt off And I'm like, my man did not work out for this role What there is, what there is is a chase with plenty of tool Where he turns the car diagonally in an alley Yes, yes, and then they turn the other way Because they come out the other side the other way Yeah, and then he takes her back to hers Where she's like, okay, well, next location is this place

Come back in the morning And she fucking gets got by Winton Kid Getting drowned in her own swimming pool Yes, yes She does And that happens off screen, he comes This is once again, like Bond discovers dead woman And it's another one in the example

That like M in the fucking Craig movies will hit him with of like, it's crazy how you pump a woman for information like I tell you to and then she gets killed and I'm thinking you feel bad about this for some reason.

At some point he goes to a circus. Sexist misogynous dinosaur a relic of the Cold War. There is a circus. He goes to a circus. That's for your eyes only. No, no. He definitely goes to a Vegas circus in this.

There's a fucking circus in Octopus as well. He meets a guy or he gets some information from a circus. It's in between him fucking plenty of tool and him finding her dead He definitely goes to a circus At some point He hits the circus for fun

Maybe he's just like He's going there to kill a couple of animals Like just get the stress out He's been having a rough time Wait wait wait wait wait So he checks into the hotel To meet the mysterious billionaire Howard Hughes guy And the guy's like

Okay come up to my hotel suite In this elevator And when Bond gets in it goes up for a bit and then the elevated floor opens flat and almost kills me it's to spread his legs open

like splinter cell and escape eventually God knows it's maybe 40 minutes further into the movie but eventually he fucking climbs across the outside

of the top floor of the hotel to get in and that's when he finally meets our new Blofeld it's Bluffeld it's still Charles Gray we get a bunch of drops

from this fucking blowfeld by the way Yeah, because he's like, L, Mr. Bond. He does. He turns around in the chair and he's like, I'm still alive and I'm, my plan is, it involves a diamond satellite. Yeah, but, yeah, diamonds and it's like, it's like a laser satellite. It's fucking, who gets, literally who gets.

It's one of the many laser satellites in the Bond series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm putting the diamonds on a satellite to make a laser satellite. You can't kill me right now because. Maybe this is when he gets dumped out of the elevator. Maybe it comes directly out of an L, Mr. Bond line where he's like, you have to hit. We fucked this up completely. What it is, is Bond like gets a meeting with him and takes the lift up, which is normal style. It's Charles Gray. Charles Gray goes Sigma mode on him.

And he's like, go ahead and get the lift back down to the lobby. It says L for lobby, Mr. Bond. Absolutely. Bond gets in the thing, presses L for lobby. Then the lift tries to kill him. then he escapes and then after that he climbs around the outside

breaks into the suite where he finds the real guy because Blufeld is like Bond is going to come after me I got to leave and this is where we get transgender Blowfeld in the limo

Yes yes yes He gets in drag He disguised himself as a woman for the limo for some reason Maybe he's going of a circus immediately afterwards as well Bond gets buried in a pipe in the desert at some point

He does, he gets Stay calm Mr Bond You're about to be buried in a pipe Winton Kidd put him in a pipe And then they put like a pipe cleaning robot in there But like like menaces him He's coming towards him They were like slapping fucking wires around

Yeah yeah yeah This is like R2D2 motherfucker Comes and threatens to clean his shit And he gets out He just kind of climbs out I think Just walks away from it Awesome

But that's what happens definitely Maybe he doesn't meet real Howard Hughes He mustn't know He meets him at his house, which we get to later, which he goes to from here. Right. So what it is, what it is, I know, I'm with you, right? So what it is, is he climbs around the outside of the room and get to Blowfield in the

first place and Belowfield send him, sent him down the elevator. Then he gets fucking kidnapped and take him to the pipe thing or whatever. And then, fucking Felix rescues him or he rescues himself. Felix picks him up and is like, oh, we've had surveillance on real Howard Hughes at his house. he goes there my name's Bambi and I'm Thumper Yes absolutely

Bambi and Thumper of the two female bodyguards I'm clawing my way between women to remember this The two bodyguards They're in a bikini He fights them in a paddling pool

Yeah He dunks them He dunks both of them effortlessly Just to prove that men are stronger than women In a general sense

Yeah they aren't really Like threatening They do gymnastics I remember being kind of activated in an early way by Bambi and Thumper doing like combat gymnastics on him and then being repulsed in an early way by the... Yeah, they start the scene by lounging around, like around the pool. Yeah, yeah.

And then they do like flips on a bar. Average, like meeting, meeting lesbian couple, you know, like looking for a third. Lesbian win and kid. Yeah. Damn, that's crazy. Damn, that's crazy. Bambi and Thumbia should come to London. Anyway.

Bambian Thumpur. What happens after that? He defeats Bambi and Thumper. And fucking, I think, I know if they even get killed. I think they get, like, arrested. No, they don't. Because they're not, they're not bad guys. No, no, no, no, they're not bad guys.

They're Howard Hughes's bodyguards. They're not anything to do with Blofeld. So he just effortlessly dunks them, like, humorously in the pool. And then Howard Hughes comes out and it's like, whoa, calm down. Don't do all of this. I could have sworn him. I don't think he kills Bambi. North um but

what if it might die at some point I could have sworn they got thrown down in a scarpment but maybe that's just me maybe they do but like

they aren't they aren't bad guys I don't think then Howard Hughes is like I own the Howard Hughes Oil Company here's my big

floor mat that has everything that I'm invested in it's a map of America we've got to figure out where Blofeld is Bond goes why did I overhear

something about Operation Grand Schlam or whatever it's called in this fucking movie in Baha Baja, I don't have anything in Baja Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because that's how they figure out where Blofeld is. At some point, Blufeld activates the laser satellite because he lasers a Chinese guy who goes, Wait, he does melt a Chinese guy. Yes, he hits a bunch of different nations, must as he. He turns a Chinese guy bright red along with a bunch of others. He does, because he's like targeting nuclear weapons. Also, he's doing this from an oil rig off the coast.

He is of Baja. Ah, that's it. Perfect. And they're like, nobody can come near us on this oil rig that we have for last location. Yes. I got to say, there's definitely a woman involved in this because she's on the oil rig too and there's like a sort of back and forth, but I don't remember. It's the woman from fucking Amsterdam.

They're like... Are you sure of it? Because Plenty O'Too gets killed. No, you're right. This must be a different woman then from the school teacher. Yeah, it is. The school teacher gets killed, but then there's... Fuck.

Yeah, no, you're right. She'll have a name. You know it's going to be a name. Because she's in a purple bikini? Yeah, I think. I remember lots of her getting like manhandled by goons. There's something about a cassette tape that she hides in her bikini bottom. Yes.

Oh my God. Yes, Abigail. Yes. Nice. She does. She does. I'm getting like fucking flashes like Akira. The satellite.

It's a control tape for the satellite. She just injects it because Blofeld is like, I love having beautiful women around. So long as they don't touch anything Blofeld is showing her around because I'm definitely not gay I'm a hundred of so not gay Also all of his goons are wearing like Sapphire blue jumpsuits

and like white boots and hard hats and it's one of the OG goon fits They're all like sort of fucking not Zorrin industries but like whatever the Howard Hughes industries I would I'd love to bring an image up

Somebody attacks the oil rig? Is it like the UN or the good guys? It's the good guys, but this is towards the end. Because that's where we get to prepare my batho sub immediately. Yeah, because Bond has to get there and get captured and get shown around. We have a list of things Bond has to do in these movies. This is the final base. Ken Adams will have made it, right?

We've got to take some time. There's just a one Ken Adam actually. Ken's Adam must have made this. Can you make an anagram out of this word? uh jeremy's iron um yeah fucking hell okay we got 27 minutes in

and 10 minutes of that was me talking about he him pussy yeah no we're gonna shoot the shit after it'll be fine yeah we'll just finish the episode in half an hour call it oh my god The good guys must attack The base must be attacked Bloisville get away on his bathers up

My bathozo side What does he die? No fuck This is not the last time we see him, isn't it? Yeah, they lose rights. Bond is captured. He's talking to Bond. He's like,

the ignorant bully boys of the UN, like so impotent beach boys. Yes. Impetant beach boys. Impetent beach boys. Flexing their muscles, yes. P.O.V, you are Brian Wilson's urologist a few years ago.

Impotent beach boys. Yes. Like so many beach boys flexing their muscles. When I hit the beach boys and that, What I'm doing is Augustus St. Cloud from the Venture Brothers, a quiz boy. Okay. I got to watch the Venture Brothers. Yeah, because he's like extorting the UN.

Yeah. Because he can blow up any nuclear weapon. He can basically like nullify a nuclear weapon from space. Yeah. Yeah. For too long, the powers dwell, the impotent beach boys, et cetera, et cetera. You're mad fucking, he calls him like mad to his face. Bond does

Yes You're a sheck individual Blofeld You're a sheck Fuck, I don't know I don't know I'm a shake piece of shit

Blufeld In this movie You're washed Blotfeld Yeah washed You're washed You're chuggy Sheck seven

Yeah Sorry He's a man at a time Is a man at the time Is That'll hit the school classrooms any day So good So the thing is

We're unk is the problem We're not unk No, we're young, we're hip Abby's Azizu I've looked in the demographics Right We're not breaking through to the like kids We don't want to

Like we're in the sort of like 30s and sort of like 20s and 30s demographic here We're in the demographic because it's baffled by six, seven, you know? Damn, shit. I'm sorry, I'm sure we are. We're chopped, we're unk, we're washed.

Yeah, I've just brought up the demographics. It's, it's, it's, it's, no, we're fucked, yeah. It's purely. Listen, I regret to inform you, your unc. We're statistically unk. These are some crazy numbers, actually. You might as well face it, you're statistically unk. Hey, 5.2% non-binary listeners.

That's fucking massive. Holy shit. And that's just what computer can detect, too. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I'm looking at the numbers here. Well, we're 33% non-binary by hosts. Let me give you the numbers here. 0.17, 0.2%.

Weirdly, the infants aren't listening to this one. Yeah, that tracks. 18 to 22, 7%. All right, all right. 23 to 27, 25%. A quarter of our listeners. Wow. All right.

Hello to that quarter of our listeners. to 34, 39%. Don't say hello that much. We're trying to turn the live shows into a bit less of a fucker fan contest. 23 is my cutoff. I'm single now, so I'll take what I can get. 28 to 34, 40% again.

I mean, okay, fine. Well, next live show, you know, come hang out afterwards. No, next live show afterwards, you're booked. Okay. 35, it's a three-night run. 35 to 44, 20.9%. I assume she can find something to do with me on three nights.

How many percent? Yeah, talk about a movie on stage. Okay, 45 to 59, 5.8%. Hard, hard drop off. That's my favorite segment by age, I would say, in terms of both in the sense of like fucking fan contest, right, of like, hello, older listeners. Seriously, like, high, but also...

Damn, I'm not chopped enough. I get not chopped. I don't want to just correlate my attraction one to, one with older women. However, older women as a separate and distinct sort of like type of women with women. Hello. Hello. Just saying women over and over again, getting kind of stunted, confused, but I'm going to take a second. I, I, okay. So 35 to 44. I really, I really want to shout out our sort of like late 30s, early 40s, and older than that listeners for really holding it down, having real jobs, and just generally, they're the rock of the podcast

demographic, I would say they have the disposable income to keep subscribing to the Patreon when, you know, more and more of the Zoomers are sort of listening to TikTok. So thank you, truly. Yeah, all in, it looks like, I haven't math this out, it looks like 2% of our listeners are women over the age of 45. So, hello to 2% of our listeners. It's a small population and I'm going through him fast. The trend from Hong Kong. I'm going to close this. I'll look at the Spotify chopped

when we're done at the end of this. Okay. So, Spotify chopped. It just tells you how washed you were this year. It's just like, it's like it's bad. It's bad this year, boys. It told me my listening age was 42 years old. I was like 76 or some shit

because I only listened to the Steely Dan. And then the solo work of the other Steely Dan, guys. I was about. to do a joke about you only listening to Steely Dan. You getting out of one battle after another and being like, well, I guess dirty work is going to be on repeat for the next four

months. And I immediately made it the outro music for one of the episodes of Whitefish, absolutely. That is a song about fucking your friend's wife, by the way, that is used to that. Damn, I should listen to that. Yeah, it's a song about the guy who's going to fuck a wife

being like, I gotta stop fucking this wife. Listening to that on repeat. It's a good song. It's a good song. It's a very good song. I should put that on next time I fuck your wife. I should note for the record, but I recently bought a t-shirt, a crop top actually, which

simply says on it, if you think I'm gay, you should see my gay wife and have sex with her. So that's really fucking good. I'm laying out the stall pretty strong. I got to get that. Yeah. Surprising absolutely no one. my top two fucking genres are yacht rock followed by stoner rock awesome

getting high on a yacht exclusively steely down and sleep we got a mover i don't have spotify i don't get this in some i don't want to have spotify but i do i got spotify for podcasts and i got some stats for us later on fantastic okay oil you kill james bond wrapped okay yeah yeah i've got the kill james bond wrapped to do felix lighter fucking raids the thing. What happens to Blofeld? He prepares his batho sub and then... Does he get in it?

He does? We see him in the batho sub. He has to get away because he doesn't die in this but he gets dropped into a fucking cooling tower in the start of Furizon or some shit like that. He's in the batho sub and Bond hijacks the crane and is like sadistically slamming the bathosub into the side of the fucking oil rig.

He does, yes. Gotcha, dickhead. I think he's right. He's right to do it. He's right to do it. He is. Did all happen to him after that. Eventually, the bathos up, like, jettisons and Blofeld escapes, and Bond is like,

are Blufeld esch-keeped. And then the oil rig is about to blow up, and they have to sort of get rescued. Oh, it's got to blow up. Does he do the traditional ending where he fucks a woman in a boat? The ending is so much better than that. I can lock in on the ending. The ending is he takes her on a cruise, bizarrely. He does.

Oh, the homophobic noise! And then he's fucking her in the room And he's like, I'll order some room shabash. And then he orders the room service And the room service guy is Mr. Kidd Who is like, wait, no, because he killed Mr. Wynn, didn't he? When? He kills one of them, definitely.

He like strangles. Maybe he goes off the street slope, who knows. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But like, Mr. Kidd. Does the other one attack him with a flaming shiskebab? Oh, you're right, yeah. Okay.

So, yeah, what it is, is that the two Winter kids show up and they're like, we've got Bomb Suprize under this Cloche. And Bond is like, there's nothing suspicious about this bomb surprise, but this man is gay, so I'm going to test him. It's a shame that they didn't have Bordeaux because I really wanted a claret, fresh out, Sir, Bordeauxia claret. And that's when they fucking attack him with the chiskerbats. Yeah, yeah.

He whines this guy. He's like, you don't know enough about wine as me. die. Yeah. Because if you don't know that Bordeaux is a claret. You don't know that Borders, be fair? I didn't either. I'd have gone by that.

This was, to be honest, I saw this as a kid, and it meant that for a long time, one of one wine fact was Bordeaux as a claret. Bordeaux is a claret. Yeah. That's Axiomat. Not necessarily, Bordeaux produces a lot of kinds of wine, dickhead. Yeah, but not then. So he tries to attack with the flaming cheese kebab.

Woman is cowering in corner. he sets lightly sets fire to the ass of mr kid and kicks him overboard yeah with the bomb and that's when you get the homophobic noise he wedges the other one and he makes a homophobic noise in there yeah i saw the homophobic noise i stood up and clapped the end and that's the end that's the end and hey and james bond won't return as this guy he was sick of it but it will come I'm back in... Well, never say never again. Live and let die.

The woman was... Versus all black people. Take this honky out in the alley and... Waste it. Waste him. Waste them. Waste them. Waste them.

Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna... I'm feeling locked in on live and let die. I'm not. I say that I'm not. I've no clue. But can we...

Let's see how badly we fucked up here. How did we fuck it? Yeah. Do we want to scum it first? Okay, right. So, like, hypothetical no-note scumming. This is a non-canon scumming, guys. How smarmy was Diamonds of Forever. We must have said high, right?

It's got the gay. It's got the homophobia. It's got the homophobia in it. Yeah. Named for your father, I assume. Your father's massive penis. And, like, Connery is back, so he's going to be shooting lines off, right? Yeah.

And those lines being like, I bet your dad has a big dick. I bet your dad has a big dick. The Sharkash, I don't know what I'm doing here. He's meeting, he's like meeting someone in the lobby and be like, brother, I bet your dad has a huge heart. You look like a grand. He's got one line of dialogue. Yeah. I want to say we would give it like a solid six.

Four, five, six? I would say six. I've no clue. I'm fucking in the dark on this one. Six. Six. Cultural and sensitivity, we gave it points for homophobia. We did.

So I'm giving it at least two for that. Are there any people with color in this movie? Yeah, Bambi. No, Thumpo, sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, we missed a whole subplot. Sorry, I'm looking it up now. Okay.

Oh, you're looking it up? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not looking properly. I was just, I was just opening it. I was just opening it. I was just opening it. What does that possibly mean? It meant I was opening it to read once we got to the end of the scum.

Okay, all right, right, right, saving it for later. Two, three? I'll let you read it this time, that'll be fun. I'll say, I'll say three. Three sounds nice. Unprovoked violence? No clue. That's not the point of the exercise.

Homophobia still counts. Homophobia was... Yeah, I think we eventually decided to put it under cultural. That's a little bit furry. I did the pause as well. Yeah. Unprovoke-I mean, he gets plenty of tool killed. He does.

He does. I can't remember any, but that's, I mean... I don't... I don't know. It's like two. I don't know. Split the difference on three. Sure.

I'll make it low. Misogyny. Pretty high, I think. It's got to be high, isn't that? It's a Connery Bond movie, right? So, like, six, just on vibes? Yeah, I think the pussy caught was pretty fucking rapid. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, okay, cool, six. That gives it a total score of 18. Now, let me look up. It was way worse than that. It was worse than that. Fucking turn in the page. Diamonds are forever. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, baby.

What's up? First time around. we gave it a 19 so we're the best we ever do it we're real real close you know what that is repeatable results yeah that's within a 95% confidence value we are so good at this

and we half-assed and vibed that too so we just like boom straight away maybe that even fucking look at no scope tip bam nice okay nice work team thank you well that's podcast in 40 minutes I gotta read oh yeah let's look up the fucking yeah

What happened? What happened? All right. Stop me. Stop me if you've heard this. Yeah, we'll stop you and make some comments or whatever, but like, yes. To avenge Tracy, James Bond hunts Ernst Stavro Blofeld. As a facility where Blowfeld lookalikes are being created through plastic surgery,

Bond kills a test subject and later the real Blofeld. Okay, so it was a factory making multiple Blowfeld. Yeah, the Blofeld factory. Yeah. The Blowfell factory. While the assassins, Mr. Wint, and Mr. Kidd kill people involved in a diamond smuggling operation. M suspects that South African diamonds are being stockpiled to depress prices by dumping, which is a blue link, and signs Bond to uncover the smuggling ring.

Impersonating the smuggler Peter Franks would never have got a... Got to be the guy. Got to be the guy. Yeah, well done. Bond, Gold Star, again, Bond travels to Amsterdam to meet the contact Tiffany Case. Tiffany Case, okay. Oh, she didn't have a ridiculous name. Bond kills the, it's kind of a joke name, but yeah, Bond kills the real Frank,

switches IDs to fake his own death. You just killed James. Sorry, I've just remembered what Tiffany is. And assume Franks' identity. Tiffany and Bond go to Los Angeles, smuggling the diamonds inside Franks' corpse. Oh. Oh, yeah. Because there's Mr.

fucking crematorium. Yes. Morton, Morton slumber. Morton slumber. Morton slumber. Fuck, I forgot about Morton. We fully

Rick and Morton slumber. Fully forgot Rick and Morton slumber, yes. At the airport, Bond meets his Central Intelligence Agency contact Felix Leiter and travels to Las Vegas. They try to cremate him in the fucking... At a funeral home operating in the same. smuggling ring, Frank's body is cremated

and the diamonds are passed onto the smuggler Shady Tree. Cool. The funeral home operator, Morton, because Shady Tree was on the outside of the marquee in Vegas and we did a whole bit about red skeleton, possibly.

Oh, no, that was a... Red skeleton. Red skeleton was a late bit, but it is my favorite. Yeah. The funeral home operator, Morton slumbered, double crosses bond. Winton kid tried to cremate him a Yes. Really? Yeah, yeah, he's in the thing and it's...

However, tree stops the process after discovering that the diamonds in Frank's body were fake, planted by Bond and the CIA. So where are the real ones? Bond tells Leiter to ship the real diamonds. Okay. At the White House with a Y, a casino and hotel owned by the billionaire Willard White. Willard White, yep, okay, makes sense, makes sense. Tree works as a stand-up comedian. Oh, shit, you're right.

He does, he does. This is a bit where Connery walks in and looks like my dad. Fuck. Tree is killed by Winston Kid because they meet him after the show pretending to be fans in the dressing room and then kill him. Yes, this is the circus. As he's doing makeup. It's a fucking circus casino.

Yeah, he's on stage. Okay, right, right, right, right. Do not know the diamonds are fake. At the craps table, Bond meets a woman named Plenty of Tours. O'Toole, and later brings her to his room, slumbers henchmen ambushed them, throwing O'Toole out of the window and into the pool below. Oh, she survives that. Yeah, yeah, she does.

She survives, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, what the fuck? Why do you throw me into the pool? Bond instructs Tiffany to retrieve the diamonds at the Circus, Circus Casino. Yes, circus. Tiffany reneges on her deal of flees, passing off the diamonds to the next smuggler. However, seeing that O'Toole was. killed after being mistaken for her.

Oh, so it's Tiffany that comes across. Tiffany gets away. O'Toole dies. Right, right, right, right. Oh, God, yes. And then Bond does. Tiffany changes her mind. She drives Bond to the airport where they see the diamonds given to White's casino manager,

Bert Saxby. God knows. No fucking chance on that one. No chance. Bert, Burt Saxby. Saxby Saxby later keeps a rendezvous with a scientist

who takes the diamonds the scientist goes to a remote There's infiltrating a science based with rockets Oh with the fucking moon buggy Yeah the moon buggy The moon buggy Oh my God

It sounds like it should be a moonraker Because of moonraker But it's not The scientist goes to a remote Research Laboratory Owned by White Where a satellite is being built By a laser refraction specialist

This is mixing in my head With Austin Powers 1 As well laboratory. However, after being caught, Bond escapes by stealing a moon buggy, fights his way out of the facility, and reunites with Tiffany. Later in the evening, Bond and Tiffany evade the police in Las Vegas, which is where you get the stunt where the car. The tilty. The moon buggy chase scene now that it's like flooding back to me. Not bad. Not bad. There's an idea. Bond climbs to the White House's top floor to confront White. He is instead met by two identical blowfelds. I completely forgot about that. Oh, I forgot the second Blofeld. Because of the Blofeld factory.

Who use an electronic voice synthesizer to sound like whites when communicating with the outside world. He's got the little thing of the jig that gives him a southern accent. Bond kills one of the Blofelds who turns out to be a look-alike. He is then knocked out by gas. Gas. I can't believe we forgot gas. Oh, did it not, it doesn't drop him then. It just fucking gases him.

It must have done, yeah. It must gas him. L, Mr. Bond. Picked up by, gas, has he in pronouns? I always thought it was a day then. Because Winton Gid could drive him out to the pipe. To the valley. Put him in a pipe, leave him to die.

Bond escapes the fucking pipe robot. He does, yeah. Then calls Blofeld using another voice synthesizer. I don't know where he fucking got that. To pose. Gadgets. Depose as Saxby. Hmm.

He, I don't think, I don't, okay. I don't know anymore. He locates White's desert home, defeats bodyguards Bambi and Thumpur. Yeah, we got that. Nice, beautiful. What fucking happens to Bambi and Thunker? They get defeated. And rescues White.

I'm going to look this up. Diamonds are forever. Yeah, yeah, Bambi Thumper. What is the fate of Bambi and Thumpur? Minor antagonists. They're just defeated. Uh, they're arrested, apparently. Oh.

by Felix Leiter Yeah, they just get held in the pool and they're arrested afterwards, cool Yeah, and they are like prison guards for Blofeld Okay, yeah Defeats, bodyguards, Bambian Thumpur, rescues White Oh, they are bad guys then

I'm so sorry for my aspersions I cast earlier Meanwhile, Blowfeld abducts Tiffany And that's when he's in drag That's when he's in drag, yes, she's in the back of the car with him Okay, he's invading women's spaces With White's help Bond raids the laboratory

And uncovers Blofeld's plot To use the diamonds to create a laser satellite Which has already been sent into orbit With the satellite, Bond destroys nuclear weapons installations in the US, the Soviet Union and China Which is with the guy turning completely red The Chinese guy glowing

Yeah, then proposes an international auction For Global Nuclear Supremacy White identifies an oil rig off the coast of as Blofeld's base of operations. I don't have anything in Bah-ha. After Bond's attempts to change the cassettes containing the satellite control codes, fails lighter in the CIA launch a helicopter attack on the rig.

Blowfield tries to escape in a midget submarine, not saying that, tries to escape in a batho sub, Bond gains control of its launch crane and uses the submarine as a wrecking ball. Well done, November. That was good, yeah. Well done November. Well done November. Thank you. Destroying the satellite control room and the base.

Bond and Tiffany head for Britain on an ocean liner where Wint and Kidd poses room service waiters to serve them a dinner with a time bomb hidden in a cake, the bomb surprise. Bond, however, unravels their disguise. Bordeaux is a claret. They attack Bond, who sets Kidd on fire, making him jump overboard. Bond then throws wind overboard holding the bomb which explodes seconds after

seeing Blofeld's satellite still in orbit in the sky Tiffany asks Bond if they can get the diamonds back to Earth Okay, we did pretty good on that Elvira was in this movie as a dancer as well

fascinating I pulled up the original scum scores because I know I'll be only write down the total we gave Smam 4 we gave cultural insensitivity 6 unprovoked violence five and misogyny four for a total of 19 i'm just going to note that in the original fleming novel the the main villains and mobsters called jack and seraphimo spang spang spang

spang he could really write up the tongue particularly well seraphimo spang they really enjoyed blowfeld didn't they they really just kept going with him in the movies great i think my favorite blowfeld he's having All inexplicably back in the franchise, despite having been killed in Bond goes to Japan and you only live twice? While filming the scene of finding plenty of tool drowned in Tiffany's swimming pool, Lana Wood actually had her feet tied to a cement block on the bottom. Film crew members held a rope across the pool for her with which she could lift her face out of the water to breathe between takes. The floor of the pool was sloped and the block would move deeper with each take. We used to just kill women

Like, we used to kill you for movies Doing some like jigsaw killer shit In order to make diamonds a forever I Yeah Don't like that No This was not

That's crazy A good film and it almost killed Lana Woods Which makes it a worse film Incredible Theoretical orbital weapon I remember this so poorly I remembered Morton slumber not at all You know

And the moon chase from the mind. Yeah. It took me some real time to get Morton slumber. You get a kind of purer Bond film when you don't remember half of the shit that happened in it, I would say.

When does Never Say Never Again come into the equation? 83, I want to say. Yeah, it's the same year as motherfucking octopussy. Okay, cool. God, that's going to be a hard one. It goes, we'll have live and let die next, then Golden Gun, then loved me,

Moonwraker. For your eyes, only Octopussy. Man with a golden gun. I can rattle off because I saw that as a kid so much. Man with a golden gun I can absolutely fire out at will. No problem. No problem. Live and let die, blanked it out completely.

We're into the long more years after this. Like, we're really, we're going to have to step up the number of no notes because this is, they're going to drag. Yeah, I mean, and also we got to get through to some of these episodes before we forget all of them. Oh my God. If you asked me about no time to die,

because what the fuck do you think happens in the world is not enough for real like i know that one we had it on vj as a kid i've got it all fucking up here baby no problem uh the bullet is slowly moving closer to his head and it's going to kill him the opening scene in bill bow uh the the the garage chair that made me very feel very uncomfortable and weird um in a good way it made me feel very good and weird yeah okay to be fair the world is not enough is actually one electric king the mass paragliders there's there's so much in the world is not enough. This is Mr. Bullion, he puts his money

where his mouth is. Zhukovsky shows up again. I'm looking for a submarine. It's big and black and the driver. It's a very good friend of mine. God, we should have done the world is not enough today.

We did that right out. We'll get to that in five years. Yeah, we'll get to that in 2030 chat. I'm on the wiki quote page for Diamonds of Forever just to see a thing of this hits. It's just got, James Bond, after killing what appears to be Blofeld,

welcome to hell blow felt wow what a banger not a good line bond you should have had a better one man tell me commander how does how far does your experience extend into the field of diamonds welshah harder substance found in nature

they cut glass suggests marriage I suppose it would replace the dog who's the girl's best friend that's really good dog is man's best friend dick oh the really sad money penny line where he's like

do you want me to bring you anything from Holland and she says a diamond in a ring which a shuttle drop chulip

and she says as he drives away when he can't hear her yes oh money penny the bit

we were trying to get with the school teacher Mrs. Whistler is recovered from the

River Amstor Mr. Kid takes a photograph Mrs. Whistler did want some pictures

of the canals for the children Mr. Wint how kind of you Mr. Kid

will be so thrilled. Okay, that's not... That doesn't imply too strongly but they're nonsense, I guess. To be kind to this movie. After James Bond kills what appears to be a double of Ernst Stavro Blofeld. His cat runs away as another cat

with the diamond leash around with the real Bloffold. Right idea, Mr. Bond, but wrong pushy. They're fucking our pussies. They're fucking our pussies. Should I whip up the Spotify for creators and take a look at what we...

With some numbers. What have we done for Kel Jones' one this year? All right, I got some top headings here. I got growth, the charts, top episode, comments, top countries, top fans, fan favorites, words. Just give me all of them in order, you know, like, I want to hear. Stuff on the topic, 2025 was quite a year for you. Proof the hard work pays off. Oh, shut up.

Okay, 938,000 total plays. What's off for our podcast? This Christ, people listen to us almost a million times. Wait, I can probably pull up my stats for follow. philosophy team while we're on this and do some comparison. Appeal with yourself, 22.1,000 total audience, well, it's not nearly 2 million subscribers, to be fair. You've got a speed on that one.

We're up 17% total audience from last year. Incredible. Welcome new listeners. If you started listening to Kill James Bond this year, I hope you've enjoyed it. So how many, how many, how many, uh, how many, uh, how many listens did we get in, in 2025? Lisons, uh, total plays 938,000. Okay.

Less than a million. So obviously it doesn't, it doesn't touch an episode of philosophy, Still, though, it's incredible. Philosophy 2 was 9.2 million, so about 10. Pretty good. Listening time, 25.2 million minutes of listening. Let's get that down to a more reasonable number. Our power.

I'm feeling like the Celine Shiamer thing. With me, you feel the time pass. Or I guess you don't. 17 and a half days listening time. Conversely, people sometimes say like, oh, I love, you know, listening to the podcast at work or like, you know, when I'm doing the dishes or whatever, because it makes stuff go faster. So you're welcome for operating the James Bond time machine, I guess.

We get a lot of people who listen whilst recovering from surgery, too, which makes me feel nice. That's nice. Absolutely. We're all of our convalescent listeners. Feel better. Get well soon. Good recovery.

Yeah. Don't laugh too hard. You'll bust your stitches. 48 years of listening. I've heard multiple people tell me that they were listening while dilating, and a joke we did made them shoot a dilator record. the room. So...

Stop listening while dilating. We're too funny. Come on. The charts. The charts are not that clear. The charts, we hit 24 on the charts. We were on the charts for 27 weeks, and we got onto three countries of the charts. I don't know what that means.

Not phenomenal useful Spotify for creators. Thanks for helping me here. Our most listened to episode, oh, go on. What do you two think? Our most listened to episode of the year 2025. I don't remember any of it. Was it Sam? No, it was not Sam.

Okay, that's my guess. Nova, what you got? Italian job? Star Wars Episode 2, Attack of the Clones. God fucking damn it. Audience participation wins again. Which was listened to 167% more than our average episode. We have to let them tell us what to do more.

I don't like it, but I do like it. But, you know. Hold on, sorry. When did that fucking post stuff? Hang on. That was last year. That was three and six. Star Wars killed it.

Because it's telling you. the last 365 days, which includes the back half of December of that year. Wait, so in the books, Serafimo Spang is the head of something called the Spangled Mob. Okay. Who was Serafino Spang?

He was the bad guy in the book version of this. So, not including Star Wars, Attack of the Clones, what's the second most listened to episode? Second most listen to episode. Yeah, no, I don't actually give me that. I think I can find it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I can find it, I can find out.

I'm bringing up episodes. Yes, got it. Yes. By plays. Christ, episode one is the most played, obviously Okay, look, I've pulled up most played It's the full first season, it's all of the bonds That tracks, okay

That kind of plays, let me see what the most played in 2025 was real quick Wow, it's not in our top hundred That's actually really quite, that's quite concerning It's telling me about the comments We got 425 comments, who gives the fuck? Yeah, sure I didn't even know you could comment on Spotify,

what are they saying? Our most used emoji was the thumbs up in the comments just like cool great episode guys wonderful thanks cool oh god

please please continue to subscribe don't please don't let us be washed keep getting surgeries that you need to spend a long time recovering from 104 countries reached overall fifth place for countries what 104 countries how many countries are there

there's got to be 250 or something wow have we reached half of all the country I think so, yeah. Our top country, number one, United States for America. It's sad they've got a lot of people. It's the plurality of the English-speaking world.

There are 195 countries in the world. If we reached 104 of them, we're doing pretty fucking... Live show in North Korea. I think the answer is clear. Yeah, Killed Jersenabon tour of the entire world. Our second most distant country, United Kingdom, who represent. Number three, Australia, number four, Canada.

Number five, Germany. Down from number three last year. That's right. Stop listening, you fucking Nazis. it's because it's because we keep saying things about how Palestine will be free from the river to the sea

and it gets more illegal to listen to us there we keep saying things like all Germans are Nazis to this day it's a nice little preview of like where we're gonna do live shows you know

obviously never the US because we don't want to do one involuntarily in El Salvador but like Australia I'd love to do one in Australia I've got multiple friends I want to meet in Australia that's why I'd go down there

Canada is easy to get to as well We're not doing America by the way Because they're going to look at our posts Yes And all of us have posted things We are a top 10 show So this is the number of fans that have us In their top 10 podcasts

12.4,000 Wow We are top five show for 8 and a 8.8,000 Okay now how many of those were women Over the age of 45 And what are their addresses? Spotify doesn't give us His permission sadly

Yeah Yeah We are the number one show for two and a half thousand people. Those are our ride or die listeners. We appreciate you very much. We appreciate all of you.

We appreciate you if you put it on accidentally and just kind of left it running, you know? Like maybe you're dead right now at your computer and you just have Kill James Bond going. You never set sort of like an also off. Does he tell us how many listeners are dead? Can you make sure to do that? Yeah.

Basically, it does. If you feel yourself about to die, right? What you're going to want to do is go to Spotify. Yeah, make a playlist. Plug in your phone. Plug in your phone for one. Plug in your phone. Make a playlist.

Every Kill James Bond episode, just hit shuffle, hit looping shuffle, and then just start playing that. Please. And in fact, you know what you should do is you should get a bunch of like banks of phones like a sort of bot farm and just have as many of those running in parallel doing that as possible. You can subscribe to the Patreon and then just like, just don't get a will. Just don't get one.

And it'll be like really hard to him to stop that. Put one, put us in there. You know that picture of the guy who was playing Pokemon Go and he's like on a bike and he's got like 50 phones on the front here. You should be doing that for listening to Kill James Bond. Have you considered that it's a really, how many opportunities do you have to do a funny bequest? You could legitimately be like, the hosts of Kill James Bond will receive my entire fortune if they spend one night in my haunted house. Yes. House doesn't even have to be haunted.

We would spend a night in your haunted house. We don't even know. We're going to spend the night in the haunted house. We're going to have some fucking fun there too. God damn it. You want to hear the top audiobooks for our listeners? Yeah, I really do. All premature and 100%.

The top audiobooks, number one, Escape from Insel Island by Margaret Kiljoy. Number two, all systems read by Martha Wells. Number three, everything is tuberculosis by John Green. Number four, the hooligans of Kandahar by Joe Kasadian. It's a good book, banger. Let's fucking go. And number five, why can't I just enjoy things by Pia Novelli?

Congratulations to all our listeners who realize they're autistic this year. And completely unchanged from last year, the top shows that our listeners listen to are behind the bastards, well, there's your problem, lions led by donkeys, knowledge fight, and then trash future. Hell yes, hell yes. Oh, actually, sorry. Well, there's your problem is in seconds instead of lions led by donkeys. I should text Pierre and tell him about that, actually. That's really lovely.

No, God, Snowmails, onto your most listened. Get all of our various side projects further into your life. Okay, yeah, we're too good. The staff fall apart at this point. They're just telling us that we were a top percentile, listened to show, talked about, and shared. Amazing. Wow.

Nice. The show is 0.1% on only fans? Jerk off motion. I'm wearing the, like, knee socks with the paw pads the whole time we're recording. And that's the secret of our success. Damn, really? So, goddammit. This is, it's an empire and we built it on sort of remembering what happens in absolutely

decently, mostly remembering a movie that we watched somewhere between an hour and seven days before we record the episode and that's, we're going to keep fucking doing that. And long may it continue. I love, I love doing this show so much. This is one of the most fun things I do. Yeah. It's, I, I love this with all. my heart. You better believe that they'll have to drag this podcast mic away from me

out of my cold dead hands. Much like you, the listener, will be sort of like dead listening to this. I'll be dead recording it, you know? Yeah. Like, I will, I'll be like fully in front of the microphone decomposing. And you know what? We're taking all those noises. Those are going in. You'll be thinking, hey, Nova's been kind of quiet this last round of episodes. The reason why is because I will be being decomposed. Do we have a policy for what happens on the podcast if one of us dies? I have always said with all my heart, if anything ever happens to me, replace me on everything with Victoria Scott. So just do that, you know?

Okay, just do November with no notes. Remembering November? Remembering November. Replace me with Gwen so that that way you can maintain an equal level of like Abby has sexual tension on the podcast. That's important, I think. No, it wouldn't, it wouldn't be, well, equal and different. it's not the same yeah you know

sexual tension with each of you in like different special ways I feel very valued as like a whole person you know good I'm glad if I die Becca gets to be on the show that's what's wonderful about the show is that we all have a sort of a different level and timbre of sexual tension with Abigail

that's wonderful true true for all of the listeners as well I would say yes so yeah I hope that you Continue to enjoy Kill James Bond in 2026. I'm certain that we will, unless one of us dies, in which case,

two thirds of us will enjoy it, and then we'll have to train a replacement. Yeah, we'll just, we'll train a large language model. I've got so many solo recordings of many of us. No, no. We'll just jean one up.

What do you reckon, Nova Bot? A living death. That, legit, I got a will this year, and legit, in my will is, do not fucking AI me. I should, I should do that. Yeah, you have to.

You're an actor. Shit. Yeah. Don't do it. Please don't AI me either, unless you're AI me to speak Chinese. Never, never use me as like a sort of Peter Cushing hologram, you know, like don't, don't do it. Yeah, well, that's the podcast. Thank you for subscribing to the Patreon.

If you're not subscribed to the Patreon, how are you listening to this? But also subscribe to the Patreon. And we will see you in next year, the big 2026. I'm very, very excited. We're a quarter of the way through the 21st century. It's true. So far, it's not looking good, but you never know. I was 25 years into my life before it started getting good.

Yeah. And hey, we're not going to talk about Nazis until at least February, okay? January is going to be fun. Just don't worry. It's okay. I know it's been heavy. I know it's been heavy. Believe me, I have some plans.

And I think we're going to go to some good places and some interesting places with the show. So do I. If you like the show thus far, it's going to get better. If you don't like the show this far, how are you an hour into this? But also, it's going to get better. If you don't like the show. show, don't listen to this episode. Please, please be nice to us.

You've got to be so nice. Comment with just a thumbs up emoji. If you were a woman over the age of 45, comment with your address or just, you know, just come hang out. And, yeah, that's it. That's it. com forward slash contact if you're a woman over 45. Hi at November Kelly, but there's a period before the L.Y.

Just go ahead. Just contact me about whatever the fuck you want, really. I have no spam filter on that or anything. It's a nightmare. Death threats, whatever. It's all good. There's no spam filter on killgamesbond.com. I will read whatever you send me on kilgonesbond.com slash contact.

So, yeah, death threats, menaces, sexual attention, any of these things. All very welcome. Thank you so much for listening. And I really think that's us podcasted for 2025. We're going on vacation. I'm all podcasted out. Yeah. If you show me a heist movie and then ask me what I think about it,

I'm going to slap you in a face. I'm not talking about movies until at least January. I'm going on strike. Done so holiday time, baby. Time to eat cheese. Oh yeah, I've got to be in cheese. See ya. Next year.

Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. It's been about two weeks since we recorded this episode. really remember what's in it. I'm only attaching this little bumper at the end and I'm going to send it out into the universe, fresh as a daisy. So let's see. Oh, thank you so much for all of your support this year, friends. It's been a long one. It's been a rough one. I know that we've

all basically never felt worse and we there being inclusive of, I believe, the broad strokes of humanity. The world isn't that bad. We all agree with each other that it could be better. Something can come from that. Something big can come from that. And will. And it actually must, in a lot of ways. Next week on the bonus feed, it's yet another KJB, Q&A. This will be the 12th one we've ever done.

No topic this time. No, like, you don't have to ask us about the holidays. You don't have to ask us about movies. You can do whatever you want. the end slash start of the year. Let's just have a nice time. And then, on the free feed, we're going to kick off something a little special. Let's just say 11 movies that'll teach you a lot about family. My thanks are not enough. I need to list some names out here, and those names are, of course, are 15 pounds and above patrons, and they are. Lowbjohn's daughter, Freya Aloysius,

Candy, Fox, no name, Gustavo Lira, Elspeth Hunt, Jordan Gammy, Nick Boris, Frankenstein, Hannah Oberhardt, joining the war on Christmas on the side of communism. George Rojark. Canada will remember Devon's promise. Yarrake, drone lover, Melody Morrow Gonzalez, live free or cry, labor delenda est, what do you get after five years of tea? Happy new bear? It looks like year written down, but it doesn't sound like it. Worm like a devil, Kill James Bond Highlights, Library Hitman, Cyga, Giganta, O234. Mexico Maynard, Joseph Sochet, The Project Project, Trip, Jack Drummond, Arashi of Ordo, 3, Vinifera, Chelsea Rose, Cosmic Parkinglot, The Grungler, Robinson projection. Pop-napped puppy princess Reese with a Louis Vuitton collar, Rhododendron, K may be okay, Athena V, Danielle has no further questions at this time. Thank you. That's no worries. If you do have any further questions, though, again, that post will be up.

Molly Power Slay, Ashley, full name time. Pino's sparing vaginaplastic, committing to the bit is too much work, Arizona Frog Strangler, Annie Ruby, some sort of silly Canadian creature, Anne Hidonia, Stads, Silly Vixen, Lady Houndstooth, Science Daddy, Robert De Niro, In Heaton, I'm not apologising. Claire, Tim Welch, Cacadden, Kill James Bond is November, Abigail and Devon, Chris Roth, made Victoria Roth turned in her badge and laptop, gender swap podcast, my best friend, Paras Social Butterfly, Crush Hazard. Ray, Ania Top, Joyous, Uw, Vida Brever, Liz Rossi, Gay Rat, Claire Baker, Saturday's Claire, Shannon, you've slightly impressed me. Finn Ross, Kayenne Belladonna, defined gender disaster, Devon needs to stop being so sexy.

No, Krista Swisher, Meat Popsicle, Daniel, Brin, Commander Freddy, April, disposable lesbian, slut, Kevin, envious envy, Mortran, Elite Erin, Anya Shenan, Ania shenanigans, clairvoyance, clairvoyance, ruptric. Clarification, Lady Ariane, Bones, Bones, Bones, Bones, Bones, Bones, Bones, Alex, Isapod Gals, Cascuice, Obsidian Polymer, Seng Liz and Ash at the University of Florida. Walscott. Nobles Obloi. John 2089. Witch Hazel, Josh Simmons, Mega B, Loz Picock, Mistress Angela A Little Duck, Whisperer, Zoe Shepard. Philippa is still, catching up with KJB. Cassandra, Wolfie's normal, Blunt Force Feminization Bat. Talkative Tiger, Carriad, Al Irwing, Emily Queen of Sloths, Robert Greensmith.

Turf seat, shit and die alone, Abigail, Magpie, Charlotte with Adi, small twink energy, Lauren Bastin. Merrill is not a vampire, but she may be in love. Valeria satinia, festive lesbian bog witch, armoured contempt, and tiny lily. Thank you all so much for your support. Kill James Bond is, as stated earlier, November, Abigail and Devon. Our editor is Sam from No Gods, No Mares. He's been editing for us for a little while now and is honestly doing a phenomenal job overseen, of course, by our producer, Mr. Naimper Thay. Our podcast art is by Mattie Lubchanski.

Our website is by Tom Allen, and I will see you next time. For 2026, a year that, using my extrapolative power, I've determined will actually be phenomenal. So that's good. Thank you.