Kill James Bond! - S4E3: Ocean's Eleven (2001)

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Alright, enough beating around the bush. Lets get into the good stuff. Let's take a look at 2001's smash hit Ocean's Eleven. Starring an ensemble cast of George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Don Cheadle, among others, A group of thieves attempt to rob three Vegas casinos simultaneously during a boxing match. But this would simply be too much to chew on our own- Joining us is our friend Brian from the Worst of All Possible Worlds Podcast! You may recall we've had the other two come and hang out on two absolutely gangbusters episodes, A.J on Our Agent Tiger and Josh on Agent 3S3: Passport to Hell. Check out their patreon Here! ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. For the past few months I've been talking to a family trapped in Gaza, working to cover their daily living costs amidst repeated displacements in the Genocide. Their names are Ahmed and Layla, and their 4 kids are Jana, Malik, Lana and Amir. Anything you can contribute would mean the world to me. They deserve to live. Attached is their gofundme, as well as three others that I can vouch for the authenticity of. https://www.gofundme.com/f/a8jzz-help-me-and-my-family-get-out-of-the-gaza-strip https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-and-my-family-to-find-a-safe-place https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-maher-and-my-family-to-leave-gaza-to-belgium https://www.gofundme.com/f/htdcj-evacuating-my-family-from-gaza https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined, as always, by a collection of microbes colonizing my throat and upper respiratory tract, making me sound like this. And my friends, Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello! How ya doin'? Not friends, cause we're making you work while you sound sick. It's true. It's true.

Special guest, the novel coronavirus. We do have a special guest, and it's not the novel coronavirus. It's pretty close. It's more of like, an imposter. Yeah. It's Brian from the worst of all possible worlds. Brian, how's it going? Oh it's going great, I'm also sick, not with the novel coronavirus.

It's going around, y'know, everyone is sick sick and we're all being forced to record podcasts. But we're finally getting into another series and we're so glad to have you with us for Ocean's Eleven, brackets, the one people like. The good one. Yes. Yeah, the good one. Yeah, it's an honor to be here. Of all the things to ask me to be on to do, I'm like, oh damn. I really have to deliver. And I probably won't.

It's fine. I mean, this is the thing. What's actually going to happen is we're going to do a very elaborate podcast and then we're going to find out that you're walking out with all of our mixers under your arm at the end. It's like nested, you know? Yeah, we're putting a crew together. like, next podcast we're gonna have five people on and just kind of gradually build it up. Yeah. We kind of did put a crew together, like, functionally, this is November's three, which... You could do worse, as far as names go.

Yeah, I think you can, this could be November's four. That's the sequel, you know? Yeah, Danny's part of the Eleven, right? Is he? Yeah. That's a real- Yeah, Danny's part of the Eleven, right? Is he? That's a real easy question to answer. Yeah, he's one of the Eleven. Okay. That to me seems like an exercise in fantasy.

Ocean's ten, plus Ocean, to me. But, go off, or whatever. Yeah, Ocean and his boys. We did Ocean's Eleven, the 60s one, and this kind of like languished in obscurity as a fun movie that the Rat Pack did for themselves. And then this guy Stephen Soderbergh came along. Stephen Soderbergh is kind of like, he's not a bad director, but one thing he likes to do is remakes of other people's more obscure movies. Like Traffic, if you've seen that, that's a remake. So is

this. He sort of dusted off Ocean 11. Uh, and because George Clooney and Brad Pitt were like, Oh, we're cool. Like Frank Sinatra question mark, you know, not, not sure who, what, you know, what president George Clooney had assassinated, but whatever. Well, George Clooney's wife is a human rights lawyer, right? So I guess he's sort of the anti Sinatra. He's not affiliated with the mob, he's affiliated with justice. They can never meet. In a roundabout way, I think that George Clooney, uh, sort of assassinated Hillary Clinton's career. That might be true. I really liked it, of like, firing a Sinatra particle and a Clooney particle at each other, and like a collider, and then measuring the curve. But yeah, so we begin in prison, and George Clooney enters, trying to look not like George

Clooney. This is a problem for him. His whole career, I think, is... Yeah. He's very handsome. So he's grown this sort of horrible prison goatee. Prison goatee as like a known thing, is also really funny. ZOE Yeah.

He has a parole hearing with the Exposition Committee. And they say, you're up for parole, this is the... They said, welcome to Act One of the film, we're establishing where the characters are before the conflict begins. ALICE Yeah, they're like, you're up for parole, you won second place in the Neil McCauley lookalike contest in prison. Uh. Yeah, yeah.

Uh, you haven't yet started a tequila business and become a billionaire, but, uh, you were caught for the first time doing scams, dodges, and heists and crimes. Yes. But you were implicated in a number of other things. What do you have to say about that? And he goes, well, I was never caught before. And then he was like, and it's my bitch wife's fault that I was caught the first time. Yeah. He lays out his motivation immediately. My wife left me is like his first line.

Yes. There's a really clean drop of that that neither of us have. So I apologize to you, the viewer, because I watched this one on a big TV with my wife. And as a result, you don't get the line. My wife left me. Who did not leave. Yeah, exactly. Hmm. Your wife stayed there and washed Oceans Eleven with you. Yeah.

But so George Clooney is trying to look like greasy and down on his luck instead of like George Clooney. It's not very successful because you look at him and you go, holy shit, that's George Clooney, the guy from the fucking like Nespresso ads. Yeah. And Batman. Yeah. But Batman. Yeah. But they give him back his belongings when they release him from prison.

The belongings they give him back are obviously the things that he was arrested in, which is a tuxedo, which is like very funny. It's a fun bit. It's very cute. Yeah, it is. I like that it's a recurring bit too. Yes. Yeah.

I think it's philosophically interesting to go straight from, like, a straight jacket or whatever the prison clothes are, directly to tuxedo, without touching normal clothes on the way. I think that's really cool. I only do the extreme- I'm swapping between these two. The most disgraced item of clothing, the prison straight jacket, to the most honorable item of clothing, the tuxedo.

The USC in huge suit. ALICE Yeah, exactly. ALICE Oh no, this isn't a huge suit, this is a very nicely tailored tuxedo. ALICE We'll get there. But so, like, he's getting out of prison in New Jersey, right, because he's been arrested in Atlantic City. And they really do, y'know, make Atlantic City look like absolute shit here, because he gets out, he

has like a phone, some joke phone call with his parole officer where he's like, no, I won't leave the state, and it's implied that both of them don't believe him. ALICE Did you notice what he's standing in front of when he makes that phone call? ALICE Yes, there is a jump scare, because he is in front of an out of focus giant sign for Trump Plaza? The Donald Trump's failed casino jump scare or Trump scare? What would have happened?

Normally you'd have to go to Home Alone 2 to get a Trump scare like that. Yeah, Liam from All Those Your Problem has some furniture from Trump Plaza after it went bankrupt. Oh my god. That's so cool. So he goes into a casino in Atlantic City, and immediately deadnames a group here. Because he meets Bernie Mac, RIP, who is working as a group here, under the name Ramon Escalante, and he immediately addresses him as, oh hey it's Frank from Crimes. Remember when we did Crimes together?

A big plot point of this movie is how incredibly surveilled every casino floor is, and this guy goes up to him at work and is like, yo I remember you from doing Crimes! Oh, Frank Crimes? How ya doin'? Frank Crimey? Crimes? Crimes is brother Crimes? Crimey as his friends called him, yeah.

Yeah, Crimes. Yeah. So, so Frank Crimes is like, I can't talk about this right now, meet me later in another scene to pad the movie out a bit, so I can tell you about what the deal is. As he does. And he says, yeah, well, you know, I just got out of prison today, considering planning something. Before he gets there, he's still at this fuck ass little prison goatee the whole time, and the way that they get him away from that is there's a shot of him coming up an escalator where he doesn't have the goatee anymore. And I just, I watched this, I was in a particular frame of mind and I went, oh my god, it shaved

him. The escalator dude? Yeah, the escalator that shaved you. Instantly. These are the famous shaving escalators of New Jersey. They were installed in 1938. There have been many lost lives because of them, but they keep them open because of tradition. Oh yeah, it's like a straight razor blade right here.

Bruce is so careful on those. He's looking very smooth, very handsome. He's not got the head wobble that he had when he played Bruce Wayne, so he's really good. This is like peak Clooney. Yeah, this is. But anyway, he beats Midiback later, he's like, ah, you know, I'm putting the job together considering something, I need to find a guy, I'm looking for somebody. Do you know where Rusty is?

And as we see Rusty, Brad Pitt is in Hollywood, baby! Brad Pitt, guy you hate to see, you know? Yeah, guy who is working. So the thing is, I have it on very good authority that George Clooney is extremely lovely. This is one of my drivers on the Acolyte told me that he worked with him on Boys in the Boat, and was like, George Clooney is genuinely one of the loveliest men in Hollywood. I believe it. Still besties with Brad Pitt, though.

Brad Pitt is also an actor. Yes, Brad Pitt is an actor who was credibly accused of... well, he has a Wikipedia page, you can look it up, but it's crazy that he has a career, still. Anyway, he's a good actor, is the thing, and I guess that makes it a career still. Anyway, he's a good actor is the thing, and I guess that makes it worthwhile for Hollywood. He is playing... Rusty? Yeah, he's playing Rusty Ryan, who basically is Danny Ocean's, like, old flame slash soulmate slash crimes partner.

Yeah, he's his best buddy. This whole movie is kind of like a buddy comedy and kind of a bit of a bromance between the two of them. Yeah. Mmhmm. What he's doing is, he's teaching actors how to be cool and play cards, and the actors are all playing themselves, so we get Topher Grace and Shane West playing themselves in this scene, as Brad Pitt tries to teach them how to play

cards and they all suck and aren't cool. Like Tofa Grace's costume and this is like, he's got a shitty leather jacket that looks way too new and like he's got a toothpick in his mouth, he's trying to look really cool. What's funny is that this scene is not very economical in the sense that you watch it and you go, or at least I did, oh that's an elegant way of explaining like what poker is for a movie that's maybe gonna have a lot of poker in it because we're in Vegas, we know certain casinos. Yeah, you'd think. Just doesn't. Nope.

No, not important. No, it doesn't. What this is, is it's establishing that Brad Pitt is cool, which it does. Annoying, bad hang, just won't stop telling everyone around the table what to do with their cards. My poker sensei is telling me to hold. ZOE Also, Brad Pitt's outfit in this scene is diabolical. It's a classic, like, early noughties, it's like, dress shirt with tie, top button undone, no cufflinks, so the sleeves are just flapping in the breeze? Diabolical.

Looks like a magician. Awful. JUSTIN Yeah, wizard sleeve shit. See, this would have gone hard as fuck in like a Romeo plus Juliet. The thing about the outfit is, he's all in like close or medium shots until the end of the scene, and then at the end they finally put him in a long shot and you realize he is wearing the traditional USian huge suit. And it does. you realize how boxy the cut is. Um. Yeah, there was this weird phase in the early noughties when men all dressed like magicians,

and like this is, this is part of that. I, depending on your tolerance, because I like this kind of bullshit, right? Um, and so, so George Clooney shows up, he infiltrates the poker game, he's wearing a turtleneck, uh, which again,ck, which again, it was a time in American history. And so what happens there is we get this, what's intended to be an establishing character moment of George Clooney bets, he goes all in, and Brad Pitt is teaching his students, this is a man who is a liar, and he's bluffing, and he is now caught in the bluff and we're gonna take him for everything he's got. Except that George Clooney then kind of wins, because he has four of a kind, four nines.

But that just makes him lucky, rather. It's sort of like a great example of a thing that really took hold in the way that a lot of movies depict gambling and like card games, of being lucky makes you skilled, or cooler. Yeah. Well you recall, do you remember how we met James Bond? Do you remember what he was doing when we first met him? Yeah, he was playing Shaman De Fe, baby. Which is a game of luck. Which he wins.

Pure chance. Turns over card. Three million, Mr Bond. Oh! Yeah. And it's four million. Four nines, in itself, like, pretty good hand, but like, you know, you're gonna need some jokers. You need Molt in that, as the thing. Shut the fuck up.

Shut up. Shut up. It's gonna top out pretty good. I like... Something else is that, like, it's ambiguous in this scene as to whether, like, Clooney and Pit have run this routine before? Like, is he really beating Brad Pitt here, or is Brad Pitt and Clooney together conning his students?

Unclear. Yeah, it is. It is. It is Homer O'Rossack, as far. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. It is getting good. By the way, the one line of this that really stuck in my head from having seen it years ago was one of the poker

students throws down what is not a flush and says kind of triumphantly, all reds. I really like that. But yeah, so Brad Pitt is miserable doing this, and obviously Cluynne recognizes this and is like, you gotta get out of here and come do a heist with me. Gonna rob three casinos in Las Vegas, two less than Frank Sinatra, but we're gonna rob the Bellagio, the Mirage and the MGM Grand because they're all owned by the same guy and they all go into the same vault.

Yes. I should say as he's explaining this, we're seeing the floor plans, and we're guessing the heist planning music. You know what this music sounds like. And if you don't, don't worry, it'll keep coming, it'll keep hitting you throughout the course of the movie. Like, these two guys are constantly being followed by a saxophonist who's just like fucking noodling.

I would love to be followed by a saxophonist who is constantly noodling. I mean, maybe not constantly, but like, you know, a decent part of my day, I think, would be improved by saxophony. Some kind of funk bass line. No, that's too funky. I don't deserve that kind of funk. But like, the kind of low, like Jason Bourne kind of like, kind of thing. Yeah. We'll get to him. I'm walking around and she's got like,

Yeah, maybe. But we'll get to him! I'm walking around and it's just going like, bum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber-dum-ber a cool piccolo, you know? The guy following me has just got a theremin. I didn't know Gohan did a ride by it! A whimsy. A whimsy. Oh dear. Oh dear. When he turns orange he gets such more serious piccolo, I feel. What, his dad? Yeah, but Goku killed him. So Brad Pitt is like, but this is crazy. You would need, and then what follows is a great piece of...

You'd need at least a dozen men. Yeah, at least a dozen men. You'd need Ocean's Eleven, plus a bunch of heist gibberish. And... Well, firstly you'd need money. So like, what are we gonna do, we're gonna have to see the most Jewish man we can find. One of two. That's two, we will get there. And the other thing that you are going to need is, like, I actually have the line here

one second. Rusty says, off the top of my head I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever. And you can go back and look up what they meant by all of these. And they're not like it's not a known meaning. It's just like something that retroactively or retrospectively like makes sense for the thing. And you go, oh, that's kind of clever.

And this whole movie is stuff that retrospectively makes you go, oh, that's kind of clever, although you had no way of knowing. And that's probably the art of what a heist film is, is fucking with your urge, or at least my urge, to crispened potato snacks, the thing. Yes. Yeah, and I kind of like that in a way. I enjoy it this time around. It probably was gonna wear thin. Well, I hope you're excited for an entire season of this. Because this is kind of the form of art, I think. So they go and see this guy, Ruben.

And they're like, it's Elliot Gould. Fucking Elliot Gould, baby. Elliot Gould. And he's Mr. Casinos, he invented casinos. I love this bit. Not just because I love Elliot Gould, also because he has a little montage, he's like I'm gonna play you my montage. You know what the three most successful casino robberies of all time were?

And so essentially they're all guys trying to grab fistfuls of chips, or money boxes, or fistfuls of money. And this culminates with the most successful casino robbery of all time. 1987, a guy with a two-armed sort of cash makes it to the parking lot, and Caesar's Palace executes this guy like the School of the Americas. This is never mentioned again, but they have like five armed security guards shoot this guy in the back on the strip, and it's just like, yeah, cool. Cool.

Also, so we see these three most successful casino robbery terms in history, which like 50s, 70s, and 80s, and we flash back to them and we get three period piece scenes with multiple camera angles, like there must be dozens of extras, pyrotechnics involved. And this is the kind of ridiculously indulgent filmmaking. You would not get this now. If you submitted this script now, it would be thrown out. But immediately they would just cross that whole section out. script now, it would be thrown out. But immediately they would just like cross that whole section out. Because just that like 90 seconds of this movie, those three period piece scenes must have cost like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So I feel like it's so indulgent. This is Soderbergh so on his shit. Like he had done two big commercial pictures before this. Traffic was earlier in the same year and Aaron Brockovich was the year before and they're like, they're both quite a bit more conventional and this is him going back into like, I'm doing the limey, but with a huge budget now.

And a big part of why he could do it is because he made so many friends among people like George Clooney and Brad Pitt and everybody. But, and they all did it at a reduced rate. They all went for less than what they would get from other movies. I would take the deal for, functionally, in either Ocean's Eleven movie, the deal is, I'm gonna make you look cool as hell, and you're gonna have a good time hanging out with all your friends.

I would take that deal. Oh no. I basically do. Yeah. Freaking deal, actually. This podcast has been a heist all along. That's right. Give me, give me all your friendship.

Patreon.com slash Kiel James Bond. Yeah, I'm like in hospital, like 85 years old, dying, and you know, like surrounded by friends and family and all the fruits of my labors and I'm just like, y'know, my sort of fucked up heartbeat gets straighter on the monitor and I start grinning as I get away with all of your friendship. ROCKY TRICKS YOU ALL IN A BEING MY FRIENDS, FUCKING IDIOTS. LIAM Sacksophonist in the next room as Moodle. ALICE The greatest scam of all.

ROCKY TRICKS FLASHBACK TO HOW I MADE YOU ALL MY FRIENDS. Like, ah. This guy is on the payroll of the Las Vegas casino industry. A flashback to how I made you all my friends, like, ehhh. This guy is on the payroll of a Las Vegas casino industry. He just looks at the camera and is like, no one's ever robbed a casino in Las Vegas. Yeah, it's the same thing as the last one, where it's like you have to have an advertisement for the gambling industry. And for these three casinos in particular, because they keep naming them, and they have the real names of the Bellagio and the MGM Grand, and the Mirage.

And yeah, it's like, they wouldn't have agreed to this if they didn't understand that this would get more people gambling, and fewer people robbing them. So, Elliot Gould, he's... Because we also have this question, right, of what Danny Ocean's motivation to do this is. And Rusty has asked him, he's given this little speech about how, because, y'know, the house always wins. And y'know, what you do is you kind of rig the odds on one thing, and you bet big, and

you take that window and you get out. And in the next scene Elliot Gould is like, you're full of shit, all of these casinos are owned by one guy. Who I also hate, and this is why you've come to me. Yeah. It's Terry Benedict. I hate him because he's demolishing my old casino in Las Vegas. But he's serious business, if he finds out you've done this he will fuck you up, he will like- He's gonna do lawfare on you. Yeah.

Well no, he will fuck you up, he will like... He's gonna do lawfare on you. Yeah. Well, no, he'll kill you. Yeah, well, he compares it to the mob, right, because he says, another line I like, it used to be civilized, you hit a guy, he had you whacked, done. So like, the mob would just have you, like, you know, beaten to death and buried in a cornfield. Whereas this guy will like, persecute you to death, will like, you know, go after your relatives... He'll have you shot outside Little Caesar's little palace.

He'll have your brother taken out back with Little Caesar's palace. He'll take you out and go for your family, right? Little Caesar's palace? Little Caesar's palace. Pizza, pizza, but for like, we're left. So... And they're like, yeah, cool, we love it actually. Okay.

We now get to another classic thing. This is the thing, this built so much of the architecture of what a heist film is, right? That's why we have to talk about it first. At least rebuilt a lot of it. Because some of the stuff already existed, it's why it was worthwhile talking about Ocean's Eleven in the first place, is a lot of the stuff existed already, but we're really kind of reinventing it for the 2000s, and so assembling the crew, putting the team together, is just like...

RILEY And we already have an improvement on the original Oceans Eleven, because I can tell them all apart! We get this little crew montage, the saxophonist is in the house again, and all the crew have like a different thing, they're all like, they look different, their personalities are different, so we have, straight away we've already got four, which is George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Elliot Gould, and Bernie Mac. We've also got to need two brothers who are our getaway drivers. Just two brothers who hate each other.

These are the two Jethros, apparently. Yeah. Great. ALICE This totally read to me as an American who is also a huge fan of the Beverly Hillbillies, I was like, oh yeah, those are the two Jethros. RILEY Yeah, 100%. ALICE Turk and Virgil, who I will be calling the two Jethros. We find out that they're Mormon, like, it's one of the first things Rusty says is the

two Mormon brothers. I think these guys should have significantly weirder names than Turk and Virgil, if we're gonna go down that route, you know. These are track and stag, and you wouldn't believe the number of Ks and Gs involved in the spelling of each of those. RILEY It's non-binary. ALICE Every Mormon man, non-binary. Interesting.

RILEY Yeah, I like that Mormon here is just a shorthand for like, these guys are basically just children. They're like 30 years old but they talk to each other like they're 12. They're bickering constantly, yeah yeah yeah. The Bickering Brothers, right, that's sort of where you get... Yeah they're fun. We see them fucking around with remote controlled cars, which is gonna be important later. They get onside pretty quickly.

One of them is Casey Affleck, who also has interesting things on his Wikipedia page. Oh no. JUSTIN Oh, gosh. ALICE Mr. Tab Mormon, oh no. JUSTIN Take a look at Scott Kahn, huh? No, he's fine. ALICE Tab with three B's. Um, so...

ZACH We also have the electrician, Livingston, who is extremely nervous. JUSTIN Yes, yes. Electrician, we've got an electrician. ALICE He's the anxiety guy, right, and he's the IT guy. And sort of looks somewhat, somewhat like Buster Bluth, a little bit. This is not gonna be helped by the fact that another one of them looks a lot like Jeffrey Tambor, so just every so often I think about the fact that there's always money in the banana stack. We also get the demolition man, the munitions

guy. Yeah, okay, yeah, so they go... Ohhhhhh. ...Basher. I don't have a drop, but don't worry. L.O. Gelfner is Don Cheadle doing his British accent in it, bruv. He's awful, I'm really sorry, I like Don Cheadle doing his British accent in it, bruv. He's awful. I'm really sorry, I like Don Cheadle a lot as an actor, but his accent is atrocious. Don Cheadle had a bad time on this movie.

I feel bad for Don Cheadle because he seems to do a few movies that he has a bad time on. And this one, first of all, he knows the accent is bad, right? He really works on it. He went to Britain and tried to do like, accent training, and then his agent told him in his telling, yeah the accent's great, Don. You're trying to do this actually, you're getting beaten up in the street. That is a true... that's an American agent.

That is... Oh, that's what they do, they believe in you over there! They shouldn't have done, but they do! He claims to have fired that agent over this, and for good reason, because the accent is diabolical. Yeah, I'm sorry. He's doing cockney rhyme and slang the whole time and everything. And oh, he's sucking the fucking apples and stares at it. He's like, oi there, WHO DROPPED A RITCHARD

THE THIRD OVER HERE? DARREN WHY DO THAT? DARREN BIG BARNEY LADS, BARNEY RUBBLE, TROUBLE. ALICE I really love that it, like, sometimes it changes just from one shot to the next. DARREN IT SHIFTS. DARREN A WANDERING ACCENT. I think the thing is... DARREN WHY DO THAT?

DARREN I'm looking at Don Cheadle's Wikipedia profile image and this is the most on mushrooms I've ever seen anyone do. Honest to God. Look at this fucking... Look at his eyes, man. The other thing about Don Cheadle in this movie is he got very, very upset about the crediting for it because it's an ensemble cast and he felt they didn't get credited enough to the point that he had them take him off the credits.

That's an unorthodox response to not being credited enough is to be like, I don't want to be credited at all. Yeah, just a miserable, miserable time making Ocean's Eleven, which is a real shame, you know, because this is one of the films that seems like it should be fun to make, not if you're doing Cheedle. Yeah, no. Just either don't do the accent or cast another actor. I think the reason why this accent is, you know, Brian you mentioned the liming.

Steven Soderbergh, kind of a weeb for England? Yeah. Horrifying to contemplate, I know. But not to the point of casting a real Brit? Oh no. No. No. He needs to cast a bunch of basically like, onagata for British people.

They're British impersonators. In the music hall tradition. Like professionally. Yeah, but listeners, your gauge for what a bad British accent, bad Cockney accent can be might be like, I dunno, Carl Urban in episode one of the boys before he really got it done. But this is so much fucking worse. Go back and watch this because it's fucking. It's not it's not quite Dick Van Dyke, but it's almost there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, not the fact that he claims and I believe him to have worked really hard on this lens at like an air of pathos. Yeah, you wouldn't lie about that. worked really hard on this, just lends it like an air of pathos. Yeah. It's cause like, you wouldn't lie about that, right? You would take this action and be like, by the way, I was properly trying when I went, oh geez, Gav, that was me like, locked in. And the thing, you're acting against like Brad Pitt and George Clooney, who apart from

anything else are good actors, they're not giving you any notes on that. If they're not having to do an accent, they're just talking to Brad Pitt and George Clooney. You never do that, you never do that, you can't, you don't give another actor notes unless they ask, you never ever do that. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had like a kind of samurai code about this. Yeah. A bridge actor, I reckon they would kill you over that. So they have to break Don Cheadle out of like, getting arrested, because he's done a bank

robbery that's gone wrong, he's gotten arrested, and they have to get him out by doing some minor domestic terrorism. A little bit, yeah. It's one of these, like, everything about this movie, it's like, doesn't really make sense, there's not really a point of it to make sense, you don't, like, if you sin, you can cinema sins ding this thing to death, but that's not really what we're doing here. Brad Pitt poses as an ATF agent and like, gets him, gets him out.

ALICE Yeah. And what we get is kind of this buddy comedy between Clooney and Pitt here, which is half the appeal there, you know, they select a Chinese gymnast to fill the gymnast role. RILEY Yeah. It hard cuts to some clowns, and I was like, and the clown, we need the clown, obviously. RILEY Yeah, we need the clown, yep. Yeah, yep. ALICE Yeah, and his only credits are the Ocean's movies.

Like, he never pivoted into a screen acting career. He's just like, hey, I'll just keep doing these. Oh yeah, shit. It's just Ocean's 11, 12, 13, and 8. That's the perfect way to approach these things. You do three movies, you get out. And then you do a fourth one and then get out. That's right.

And you come back about 11 years later and make a fourth one, and then you get back out because it didn't work. ALICE So we need a second different Jewish stereotype, right? Because we've had Elliot Gould, who is wearing like, four gold chains, one of which is a massive star of David, and so kind of like walking around with a cigar in his dressing gown. RILEY Completely open gown the whole time as well.

To be clear, this fucks, and I love it. He chews the fuck out of the scenery every time he's on set, and no one else is doing it. But this is Louis B. Mayer, is what we're doing. And then we go, we gotta get this other guy, he's old as fuck and he has ulcers. So that's Saul and Reuben, respectively, this is not the most nuanced depiction of American Jewish life, maybe. Anyway, Saul has retired to Florida to lose at Greyhounds.

And Brad Pitt is like, do you wanna come do crimes? He's like, no, yes. There's quite a stylish shot where he takes the job and throws his, y'know, losing betting slips away, and we see his Greyhound come in like twenty seconds later. Which is stylish. And do you know who, Saul is Carl Reiner, I don't know if you know. But he's a legend in comedy.

He was a writer on Sid Caesar with Mel Brooks, they created the 2000 year old man character together. His son is Rob Reiner. Rob Reiner was the guy on the family, and he's a big resistance lib. A nepo daddy. Yes. But like, Carl Reiner was also showrunner of the Dick Van Dyke show. He at least could have given some notes on the accent. He could have! And I think he does a good whatever accent he's doing.

Yeah. Something. The accent I would describe as like, elderly Jewish man who has retired to Florida. Like, it fits the character, but it's like, now we gotta go and pick up Matt Damon. He's got 11 Emmys. Yeah, they were like, oh that'll be enough, right? 10 should be enough. Do you think we need one more? You think we need a Boston motherfucker? We need a true blue G? And they go, yes. We need Jason Bourne. We need Jason fucking Bourne. This is pre-Bourne, right? This is the most heist music they drop in the entire show and it's just for like, Jason Bourne stealing a guy's water on the subway,

but like... Yeah. So they go to Chicago. Above Way, it's Chicago. You're surely not making a living, pick-boxing. Even if you're the best pickpocket in the world, you're, like, not living the ocean's eleven. Yeah, exactly. No one's got cash anymore, for one thing. You're fucked now. Danny, Danny goes into this guy's inventory. Oh, ironically, probably the industry that's been most obliterated by the pandemic.

For real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Danny Ocean reversed pickpockets his business card into this guy's inventory. Really funny. ZACH Yeah, so Matt Damon picks a guy's pocket on the subway, and then George Clooney crouches behind him and presses square, and like, puts his business card, it's like, meet me here. ALICE Yeah.

I should all, I really like Danny Ocean's useless business card, because it just has his name on it, and nothing else. And anytime you need to convey any other information information you have to write it on the card yourself. So I really quite like, just like, here's my business card, November Kelly. Says nothing. LESLIE And the number on there for you. ALICE Mostly just a small memo pad, really.

Just a post-it note with my name printed on it. RILEY Like those drug dealers up north that just give you a business card with a phone number on it and nothing else? Shit, that's cool. Yeah, right? The exact opposite. Instead of being useful it's completely...

It just says like, drug dealer on the front. It's like, wow. But so he lures Matt Damon to the, and he pitches him on the heist. There's a little bit of tension there in that Matt Damon's character is meant to be like a nepo baby of crime. This never comes up again. NICCOLE- I'm sorry, it does, because this proves to be extremely important, because Danny Yashin's like, yeah, I knew your dad, he was big in crimes or whatever.

ALICE- He was a regular heist guy. NICCOLE- Like, crime Patreon. And like, don't you wanna prove yourself, cause being a robber, this is my thesis of the movie, heists are a homosocial activity, they're about proving yourself to fellow men, and to your dad, by stealing property which includes women. Yes. Yes, definitely. That is true.

So it's like, I knew your dad, he was a fisherman, come and be in the movie. Technically, what is fishing if not heisting a fish? Because the fish does not expect to be caught, like- ZOE Yeah, right? ALICE You're putting a scam on this fish. ZOE Maybe they do. ZOE Putting like my fucking blueprint of a lake down in front of like ten guys who are like-

ALICE Yeah, Ocean's Eleven. ZOE That's so funny. ALICE We finally got some good jokes out of Jason Bourne being raised by a fisherman. I can lay this to rest. Oh, we laid those seeds years ago! We set it up! We gotta flash back, flash back now to us setting that up and just like, oh god! Take years for this plan to come together. So, yeah, obviously Matt Damon is on board.

And they go to Vegas, we get the Elvis banger, a little less conversation. If you were alive when this movie came out, you possibly remember this exact remix, because it was charted for like fucking ever. In JXMM I wanna say. And we go to Elliot Gould's house, where they have the meeting scene, unlike Ocean's 11, 1960, they're not all talking about being troops in it, which is helpful. Yes, but the other thing that is different is that they don't explain the plan properly, and it sounds bad and hard and like it would suck.

Which is a real key difference from the last one where the plan sounded like fucking so smart and so easy. Yeah. Like a no brainer. They don't explain the plan because there's like twists to it which we find out as we go. Yeah.

They sort of explain how the plan is gonna be hard. They just sort of like say what all the problems are gonna be first. Yeah, the question for a filmmaker here is how do you shoot a slideshow in a way that's interesting? And the answer is you use it to deliver next to no plot. You use it to establish stakes and you rely on like Brad Pitt and George Clooney for charisma. Which is what happens. I don't know, Star Trek, TNG did it all the time when we had briefings for the senior officers,

they just used to have slideshows and they just fucking filmed them. Yeah, well, you know, maybe it's the and they just fucking film them. It's great. Yeah well, you know, maybe it's the difference in TV and film, maybe it's just a confidence thing I don't know, but yeah. Anyway. Also makes a very good fist of untranslated foreign language because the Chinese gymnast guy is like, uh, asks a question in Chinese and Brad Pitt answers him in English. Yeah.

It's just like, no, we already thought of that, it's cool. There's a joke going, like, with that where they all can understand him, and then there's also a joke where they can never understand Don Cheadle, cause he's just too, oi crikey govnai in a cheerio. But they, I'm so disappointed by this, they never bring it together, they never do a scene where it's like, well you get what he's saying, why don't you understand what I'm saying? The accent is barely there. ALICE Brad speaking fluent Mandarin and then turning to Dom Cheetah, like what? MARK What are you talking about?

GARETH So Downing Ocean's like, there's going to be lots of security codes, there's fingerprints, there's voice recognition, there's motion detectors, there's armed guards and a big fucking door. ALICE It's functionally, we're hyping the security here, we're like, this is gonna be so hard. We also find out the stakes, which is, there's like, 120 million dollars in the vault. RILEY 150, at least. ALICE Sorry, I'm using it.

100 million. RILEY Cause it's Fight Night. It's Tyson v. Paul. ALICE 50 million dollars in the vault. Split 11 ways. That's less how much it costs you to do all of this shit. I have to talk about the sort of like, stakes here, right, because what you're getting away with is, say, $12 million each in criminal income that you have to launder, which is

gonna take even more money off of it. And you think about how much money rich people spend, like, 12 million dollars to a rich person is like a small real estate deal that went well. And I'm not talking about Donald Trump here, I'm talking about a guy who owns a chain of car dealerships. And it's interesting to establish the scale of money here, we'll get to this later as well, because the fantasy is of making that money in a cool way. You look at that and you're like, 12 million dollars, that's so much money. And it is, but it's also not a lot of money to rich people. And

so, in a way there's some class character going on here, and we'll get more into that when we meet Andy Garcia's character. NICOLAS Well there's a principle in screenwriting that money is only as interesting as what the characters intend to do with it. And in this case, money is a vehicle to looking cool in front of your boys and impressing your dad. That's what it is. And also, getting women. ALICE It's all going into the tuxedo budget. NICHOLAS Yeah, not hugely. Yeah. Also what you do with it, if you, if you stole that much money, you would then invest it in the stock market and

then you wouldn't actually, you know, sell, you wouldn't really do anything about it. You just get a stock portfolio and then borrow on margin for your day to day living expenses against the value of that portfolio. Yeah. It's, it's, it's saying if somebody's sold a lot of money, that's what I do with it. And if you buy like a farm or something you won't have to do an inheritance tax so you can just pass that one off. Exactly. Easy peasy. What you do right is you do the heist and then you buy a bunch of buy-to-let flats and then you just hand that to a letting agency you never talk to them again. And yeah that's... You don't have to talk to them again. You don't have to change your address from what the flat

used to be. If you're my landlord a lot of NHS letters keep coming for you and I don't have to talk to him again, you don't have to change your address from what the flat used to be. If you're my landlord, a lot of NHS letters keep coming for you, and I don't know how to get them to you. My landlord to my new address is getting an increasing number of more threatening looking HMRC letters, and I'm just like, this guy's pulled an interesting kind of thing before moving to Saudi Arabia. I get those too. They're addressed to, they're addressed to the owner. And I'm just like, that's go straight in the bin. That's not me. I can't open that. Not my fucking problem.

I'm not getting into your tax affairs. So yeah. Now listeners, the first job is to hack the security system so we can see all the camera feeds and see what's going on. And in order to do that, we're gonna need to introduce something which we haven't seen in this film so far, and that is a woman. Oh, true. One of these. Yeah. I mean, cause these days your nervous IT guy would have to be a woman, and to be honest

he looks like he's headed that way already. Yes. But, but no, so we need to have a woman who has lines. There was one in an Anivia scene that Brad Pitt was talking to, she didn't have any lines, but now we need a woman with lines. She has one line and she's a stripper. ALICE It's interesting as well that they're often strippers, because like, when Brad Pitt is being picked up by Clooney, he is depressed

in the worst strip club ever, where there are three strippers behind, like, kind of Perspex glass. And he's just like, half-assedly watching them. Yeah, it's just Natasha Kinsky in Paris, Texas going on behind the poker game. Yeah. And so this stripper has like, gotten Securitiy Guy's work ID off him. And there's a little like, comic line where he's like, thanks, say hi to your mum for me, and she's like, oh she's on stage in five minutes. And so like, cool, okay.

That's the first time a woman has spoken in this film. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. She's one of only two women who do. So, heisting is a homosocial activity. Anyway, Livingston manages to get backstage, the others do some sort of misdirection involving balloons and the Mormon twins squabbling. ALICE What if the brothers call the others a balloon boy a bunch, which is fun. RILEY I like the idea that they've hired these two

boys just cause they're brothers so they can argue with each other limitlessly over anything. ALICE These are the two best oafs on the west coast. Like... Yeah. So they tap into the security system, so now, right, cool, we can see everything there, seeing, we're gonna build a replica of the vault so that we can rehearse in a warehouse. This is all being done within two weeks, actually. Which is... Yeah.

You're spending so much on building an exact replica of the vault. Also leaving a lot of traces as to what you're up to. That's coming out of your paycheck. That's taking you down from like $12 million to like $11 million. Also like when did you get able to build a replica vault without anyone like, if I was the FBI and I was investigating this first thing I would do is be like, well, who ordered all this vault stuff? One vault door, please.

Why are you installing it in this warehouse? This is paid for by a Mr. D. Ocean on debit card. Yeah, it's like a nearby warehouse where they're just building a pure replica of like the vault. Yeah, which of Fate 11 was a set designer? First of all. None of them are gay as far as we know, so like, I don't know. That's fucked up. At least one of them should be.

Right? That's kind of the thing is like, George Clooney and Brad Pitt are gay and married. They are gay. They do love to like, cry at TV together, but like. And Gold's also gay. Yes, but in a different way. So but Bernie Mac infiltrates the like, the Bellagagio and takes notes on all the stuff and everything. Bernie Mac also gets them a couple of getaway vans, by going to a second hand van salesman

and just being really weird to him? Yeah, he holds a handshake way too long, he's squeezing, he literally strong arms the guy, he's squeezing the absolute fuck out of his hand. There's a great shot when he lets go of him, you can see the other axis hand is like properly like blanched. Yeah. Yeah.

All you have to do to get a good deal on a car is commit assault. Yeah. People don't know this, but- I'm never going to say you shouldn't like physically overpower a car. I'm saying it might impact your ability to, like, conclude that deal. But like, do that at your own risk, honestly. Yeah, how many functioning hands do you need to sell cars? Squeezing.

Um. It becomes a better car salesman, like, Dr. No. At this point we need to meet the villain of a film. Oh yeah. Which is Andy Garcia, as Casino's Dracula. Yeah. Andy Garcia, we were talking about that non-stop me and Bear Coy watch this. Is there a role where he doesn't look like a vampire in it? No, he really leans into the halloween. With his little wing collars. The thing is, he looks like this is what Diabolic did after the

heist. Ava has left Diabolic and now he's set up a casino and has tried to go semi-legit, and he fucking hates it, cause he's not out there stealing shit. There's a few things that I really want to get into about the introduction of Andy Garcia. First of all, they set Matt Damon to watch him, right? And so, his role is now to be Andy Garcia's hype man. But the way he introduces him is two sentences back to back that made me laugh really hard, if you forget he works in a casino. He's a machine. He gets to work at 2PM. RILEY Oh, he's a podcaster, cool.

ALICE And so, the other thing is, we go, yeah, he knows all the pit bosses' names and shit. Not bad for a guy worth three quarters of a billion dollars. And I wanna talk about that as well, because like, seven hundred and fifty million dollars in 2001 money, well over a billion now, that is a great unspoken example of the kind of stakes here, and how the movie has to like, make that not matter, it has to talk quickly and hustle you past this, as a kind of instrumentality to get you to the heist, because if you think about how that kind of wealth disparity actually works, you make 12 million dollars off this guy, and he is like, following you with his

special kneecap busting hammer for the rest of your life. That's like, I don't know, chain of dentists money. That's like unusually successful Twitch streamer money. $750 million is like, die rich, whatever you do. Money. There is... You can't fuck this up.

Yeah. And the one part of this that the movie actually gets to, actually tries to grapple with, and we'll get to why, and it's gonna impact the M in the scum system, is that you can't meaningfully rob this guy of money. There is a kind of amount, there's a financial amount that you can, that some people have reached that you cannot be harmed financially. And that kind of like, it's a thing that you could play more on the, you know, Danny's bullshit about the house always winning kind of, you know, is like, implicated here. But it just kind of has to go unspoken,

because otherwise you've made the first Communist heist movie, and people come out of the theaters and go and like, you know, beat casino owners to death with their hands. Oh, by the way, the other thing that makes him a machine is that he speaks three languages and he's learning Japanese, which is an interesting time capsule, in that the whales from East Asia aren't Chinese yet. Yeah. He's also a vindictive bastard, and he's dating Julia Roberts. Yeah.

Julia fucking Roberts! And Brad Pitt is like, oh, I know who that is, cause she's Danny Ocean's ex-wife. She has this job, where she's like, she runs the casino museum, which is such a wife small business that loses ten K a month type beat. Do you get a lot of visitors? I really love the concept of, yeah, I go to a casino for the museum. Like the upstairs museum at the casino, like, shut up, man. Which one is this meant to be in? It's in the Bellagio, I believe. Is there an actual Bellagio museum?

I don't, I wouldn't be surprised, but it really just feels like a... GARETH Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art. ALICE Yeah, probably. GARETH Oh, they're gonna do? GARETH But no, I'm reading a wiki and a page now. ALICE Oh, for money laundering! ALICE Yeah. DARREN That's a joke.

That's a joke. GARETH Legally. ALICE As we see her, there's two things going on here. Matt Damon is like, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, this is my highlight of my day as a surveillance creep. And then, to be honest, maybe it's just me, maybe it's the lighting or the costume, but Julia Roberts. They make Julia Roberts look mid in this. She looks fucking tragic in this, it's such a shame.

She comes down and she looks like woman dot jpeg, and you're like, uh? She is a beautiful woman and they're doing her dirty in every scene. She looks like Julia from your work. She's like, she's got coworker energy. She's only the second woman in the world, so maybe they just don't know how to film women. They hadn't figured it out. She's only the second woman in this fucking movie without lights.

She looks like the wifejack, kind of. So, but the other thing about this is that Brad Pitt sees her and immediately puts his head in his hands, like, oh fuck, okay, I know why we're doing this. Well, he puts his head in his hands and covers his face in shrimp, because something that happens all throughout this film is that in almost every scene Brad Pitt is eating, which was apparently just like a decision he made, because he was like very hungry at the time, and they didn't give him a bucket, so during the filming of this particular scene he apparently ate like forty prawns.

That fucking rules. I love phrasing that as a decision made because he was hungry at the time. That's also the decision making behind me eating a lot of the time. Well apparently they were filming long hours and going over lunch breaks and stuff so he's just like, fuck it my car is just eating. Nice. That's so funny. Fuck continuity I don't care.

So he has this confrontation with Danny where he's like, I know the reason why you're doing this, tell me it's not just to get your ex-wife back from Andy Garcia who stole your wife. With his vampiric powers. Yeah. And as he says, now we're stealing two things, because women are objects. Objects, yes. And also because Rusty is gay and jealous. Like, I do like how much this is a plausible reading of the thing. Yeah, I mean, he is gay and jealous, yeah. He's like, look, we want to steal the money, you want to get your wife back.

If these two come into conflict, how the fuck are we ever going to trust that you're going to pick helping us get our money, you wanna get your wife back, if these two come into conflict how the fuck are we ever gonna trust that you're gonna pick helping us get our money, bitch. And to this Danny Ocean essentially goes, ahhhh. Pfft. Don't worry, yeah. You know? I'll be alright. So Brad Pitt says, are we stealing the money or are we stealing tests because she doesn't

split 11 ways. And I'm like, well have you asked her that? Problems will be easily solved with polyamory, etc etc. DARREN Yeah, yeah right. ALICE So, Danny goes to meet Tess, and we have this kind of vaguely heist, vaguely romance scene. It's a bit like the Thomas Crown affair.

DARREN Yeah. ALICE And it's kind of like, meant to be scintillating. DARREN Yeah. DARREN Yeah, it's interesting actually that what we established is that she didn't know he was a thief until he was arrested, and she divorced him while he was in prison. Mm, yeah. Yeah, hard ass line, she's like, did you get my, we're not married anymore, did you get the divorce papers?

And he was like, last day in jail, and she was like, I said I'd write. It's good, it's a good script. But so, now she's with Andy Garcia, who, it seems, just kind of treats her like furniture. We see him looking at some of the fine art, and he's like, yeah, that's certainly an art. And Ocean's line here is, does he make you laugh? And she says, well he doesn't make me cry. And so the implication there is like, Danny Ocean is like, you laugh? And she says, well, he doesn't make me cry. And so the implication there is like, Danny Ocean is like, you know, kind of like, real life, whereas this guy

is just like, you know, convenience and kind of ease. Well, I'm like, three quarters of a billion dollars. Well, that's the ease. Buys you a lot of ease. Yeah. I mean, I would probably bet on Andy Garcia in that scenario, foolishly in fact, because George Clooney is now a billionaire because I had not considered tequila. But there you go. So Andy Garcia finds them there, and we get this quite nicely acted bit of, uh, kind of

simmering hostility, and I really like the kind of over-familiarity gambit, because, um, Ocean calls him by his first name, and then he matches him and calls him Danny, and it's like, oh, these guys hate each other, okay. ALICE It gets to great acting too, where Andy Garcia says, without looking at George Clooney whilst holding his wife's hand and making moony eyes at his wife, just be like, stay, have a drink. Knowing that he won't. ALICE It's really good, yeah. ZACH It's really good.

ALICE But so, we see Andy Garcia blows up Elliot Gould's old casino. Incredible Andy Garcia fit for this one. My mom's wearing a white trench coat over a white cashmere sweater, in the desert, in summer. Which is really... ALICE He's a vampire! ALICE Yeah, for real. ALICE He's just... he's fucking Dracula.

He's Casino Dracula. Um, at this point Don Cheadle identifies a problem, I can't tell what it is because... I'm so... RILEY Well, Don Cheadle identifies a problem, he says, uh, he goes, we're in deep money, he's proper fucked in it, because they did what we was gonna do, but for fake, for real. So they like figured out what the problem that he was going to exploit to like cut the power was.

Right. But because like there was a power cut when they dropped that guy's casino or whatever. And he goes, fuck. So they fixed the thing I was going to exploit. So we need to like get an EMP from the California Institute of Technology, just casually tonight. ALICE We just need to buy a nuke that's gonna cut into the whole budget, but we need a nuke. RILEY And he does it all in copy voice, like, oh geez, we need ourselves a nuclear weapon.

ALICE Yeah, your take from this is going down to like, $200,000, at this point. RILEY Yes. ALICE But so they go and rob the California Institute of Technology. RILEY This is a different crime. This is just a fully different crime you're also doing that is traceable, because you all went, all ten of you went in a van. The same van that you're gonna use. And didn't even wear gloves! Didn't even wear masks! What are you doing?! They let a bunch of security guards see the van and its license plates on the way out! Yeah.

But Matt Damon, he doesn't want to stay in the van with the two squabbling brothers, so he goes in, just as the others are walking out. He really does. I love the two Mormon brothers, because they try and play 20 questions and one of them, it's implied they do this so often, and it's always evil can evil. So they get put in two questions. Are you a man? Like, it's implied they do this so often, and it's always evil-knevel, so they're gonna put in two questions. It's like, are you a man?

Yes. Are you white? Yes. Evil-knevel. Fuck! So good. And this thing's descended to bickering. Yeah, he just goes on a cousin walk.

Yeah, he's like, I can't do this, I gotta get out of here. I gotta leave my heist van. He fucks up and nearly gets caught, and then gets reprimanded. On the way out, as he has to chase the van and get picked up by them, Yen's fingers get broken in the door. Mm. Man's having a bad time with his hands in this movie. I will say also, so Ocean has to reprimand him, there's no real like, menace in it, it's

not like heat, it's more like, the line is like, in this business you can't lose a second or whatever, and it's just like, okay. Yeah. Yeah, the vibe is not like, we will kill you now. There is no Wayne Grow in this crew. Yeah, it's, we'll stop being your friend. Like, yeah. Yeah, there isn't a Wayne Grow, is there?

Yeah, the Wayne Grow levels are at zero. This is a Wayne Grow-less heist. I mean, I guess Danny Ocean is his own Waingrow, because he won't stop fucking his own heist up. That's kind of true. Yeah, but he won't kill people. Yeah, that's true. We can't dilute Waingrow this early. Yeah, the Waingrow remains a kind of like,

not just uncontrollability, but particularly in violence and like, unlikability. The Waingrow is a confounding variable that's not present in Ocean's Eleven, certainly. Yeah. Which is why the heist goes smoothly.

Yeah. They identify another problem though, which is that Danny has now been red flagged by casino security. Because he went and like tried to have dinner with the guy's wife. Yeah! Of course he has! Like, everyone's like, why did they fucking red flag you, Danny? And he's like, I went to go talk to my ex-wife, and everyone gets mad at him.

And they kick him off. He's fired from crime. They fire him from the heist. They go, you're out of the rat pack. Hand in your fucking badge and gun. Stop singing. Yeah. It was Ocean's Eleven, now it's Nobody's Ten.

Yeah. It's fucking Rusty's Ten. Rusty's Ten, baby. Sounds like a horrifying cocktail, that you would absolutely regret drinking. You know what, you know who's gonna have to step up and do your job now, is Matt Damon. Yeah, it's so funny, because the job that Matt Damon gets drafted in, that Danny was going to have to do, involves a prolonged period of talking to Andy Garcia, and convincing him you're someone else.

And he is, when Andy Garcia sees Sean Clooney, he's like, that's Danny Ocean! That's Danny Ocean, that is, I know, because he was married to my wife. So wouldn't have fucking worked anyway. Recognize everyone who was married to my wife by sight. That's just something about me. Not bad for a quarter of a billion dollars. As we later establish, this is in fact a setup. Yes.

It doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense. We've got some vintage bullshit here, because Matt Damon is suited up and in character, and Brad Pitt is like, don't look up or down or to the left, because they'll know that you're lying. This is the kind of pseudo-sciencecience, like Texas has probably executed innocent people based off of this movie, being half remembered, you know? And being like, oh, you know, looks left so therefore he killed all those people. Also, this is where my notes say Saul looks disconcertingly like Jeffrey Tambor in Arrested Development, because he's also playing a character, he's playing this kind of like arms dealer.

Yeah. Yeah, he's inculcated himself with Tereus the high roller. And he's like, so, so, Andi Garcia, I need to, I'm going to have a briefcase delivered to the casino tomorrow. It's very important. Can I please put it in the vault, please, pretty please? Yeah. And Terebreras are like, yeah, okay, fine.

So, this briefcase arrives via courier, and they kind of walk it down to the vault, and there's a funny moment where an old friend of Saul's recognizes him and calls him Saul, but he just, he styles it out and it's just like, take him away. And the two Mormon brothers just like, just crack this old man away. The Mormon brothers as bodyguards is a fun bit. They also see Danny Ocean playing the slots, and Andy Gautier goes, right, activate the Blojo Brothers.

Because two plain clothes men, who you can tell are bad news, because they also have the fuck ass prison goatee. Two bitchy guys. Right. Goateed men. Just kind of like follow Danny around for the rest of this scene and love these guys. Well, they take him in actually, they take him down to a room underneath the casino with no cameras.

So the implication being that they're going to beat the shit out of him. Get the shit kicks out of you, Ro. You may not know this, but like three quarters of the men in Las Vegas have that goatee. Like if you ever watch Pawn Stars, one of the greatest American television shows, it's just a parade of men with that exact goatee. ALICE Vegas has like the highest concentration of bruises in the general population of any city in America. ALICE Bullies, things of this nature.

ALICE Bounces, yeah. ALICE So Matt Damon and Bernie Mac run this scam, where Matt Damon works for the gaming commission, and correctly, and identifies Bernie Mac's real crimes, and like, real identity. That guy's Bernie Mac. Oh shit. I work for the gaming commission, what's up gamers. So of course nowadays, the gamers run illegal gambling scams all the time. That's true.

Bernie Mac gets to do some comedy. This comedy is focused on tactically playing the race card? Yeah. Interesting. Because he accuses the gaming commission of being racist. He said gamer words. Yeah. The line that's always memorable for me is it should be called White Jack.

Yeah. And Matt Damon, like, helps him out on this by saying something else racist, and Andy Gussie is like, okay, I don't have time for whatever this fucking comedy is. I have to go and watch Lennox Lewis Kill a Guy. So. Yeah. Let's go and watch Lennox Lewis kill a guy. So... Yeah. Let's go and watch Paul V. Tyson. Yeah, in one of the shots of Paul V. Tyson we get to see one of the guys who was in the

Original Oceans 11, Brian Silver, just basically just shoo-poo the movie and I was like, oh there he is! That's how you do a cameo. That's how you do a cameo. You just have him walk past and you don't make anything up. He's not like fucking Red Skeleton where he's got his old fucking sea of skeletons. So Danny Ocean is in the Red Skeleton memorial, get the shit kicked out of your room. Yeah, yeah.

I fucking hate to be in there. A third blowjob brother enters the fucking scene. A third goateed man. This is a mongo. Yeah, it is. It is. This is he a mongo. It is. It is. This is Heist's mongo. It is.

Uh, enters the thing and his job is clearly to kick the shit out of him. Yeah. But he doesn't, cause he knows Danny. Cause when he closes the door, Danny's like, how's your wife? And he's like, oh, and he's gonna help him out. And so Danny crawls into the air vents with this guy's assistance. Mm. Yeah, he punches him prematurely, like Danny Ocean gets a nice sock to the face, and then

he's like, come on, dude. He's like, oh yeah, sorry, I got too excited. It's also the worst stage punch you'll see in a minute, it misses him like visibly by about a foot. Matt Damon in the course of writing this little distraction gambit with Andy Garcia manages to pickpocket the codes for the vault door from him. And then makes his way down to the vault, they've hacked the cameras so that it's just playing like a video of an empty corridor.

Yeah, the speed gambit. Yeah. Yeah. Saul fakes a collapse in the security room, distracting the guards, enabling him to do this, and then Brad Pitt comes in posing as a doctor and has just like, so much fun. They do so much disguised bullshit in this. Way too fucking much. Yeah!

The Mormon brothers are paramedics! Like, it's, yeah, it's very... I love the Mormon brothers' kind of factotum role, you know? I love that Brad Pitt is being this overly dramatic doctor who clearly doesn't know how to do CPR. Yeah, it's good fun. So they get so out of there on a stretcher. And meanwhile, Matt Damon and Danny Ocean zip line down to the vault when the power gets cut out. And we learned that the entire setup of Danny being fired was a setup to get Matt Damon ready to prove himself to his dad, which great, that's nice. I love when my friends get together and decide I need to prove myself to my father and conduct an elaborate heist

without my knowledge or his! ALICE We're heisting two things here. 160 million dollars and Matt Damon's anxiety. LIAM Yeah. JUSTIN You are good enough, Matt Damon. You can... ALICE They knock out two guards with a little knockout gas wheel of a gas. KATE Gas! Gas! Making a late appearance in the film!

ALICE My note just says I'm on that good knockout gas. And we install some devices. The Chinese gymnast is inside the vault, having been smuggled in. KATE Yeah, they wheeled him in there in a cashbox, and he contorted himself inside. RILEY Yeah, sick. This looks fucking horrifying. a cash box, and he contorted himself inside. JUSTIN Yeah. This is sick.

This looks fucking horrifying. I hate that as much. So much. He's inside this tiny little box, just... ALICE Yeah, he just folds over, it's very impressive. JUSTIN Yeah. I quite remember what happened to him. ALICE I really like that both of the movie and the

heist itself, both sort of diegesically and non-diegesically, bring him in to do one backflip, know what else can do. Yeah. It's that backflip that sells him. Like, they're like, get the backflip guy, get this one. That's a twelve million dollar backflip, because he has to backflip off of the cash box onto one of the, like, pieces of vault shelving to open the door for them. He gets his hand stuck in the vault door for tension, and they almost like, you know, blow off his hand, which really would put him down for a bit.

Yeah, because his cast gets caught in the door, so that's like the one consequence of them robbing that university. Like nothing else matters, even though their faces and license plate and everything were seen, it's just that he broke his fingers, and now his cast is stuck, and he might explode. ALICE Yes. And he might explode. JUSTIN So we make it into the vault, we've got our hands on the cash, but we've still gotta fuckin' get it out of the casino.

And like, 160 million dollars in cash is big and heavy, so how are we gonna do that? ALICE Upstairs, Tyson v. Paul is going, and uh, Andy Garcia and Julia Roberts are ringside, and the power goes out for this. Chaos. Like, Don Cheadle fires off the EMP to get them into the vault. RILEY Every time he's in the movie I'm laughing out loud. I'm sorry, I know he's trying. ALICE I'm detonating an electromagnetic pulse device,

innit? RILEY Oh, I've gotta blow the bloody doors off. ALICE He does, in fact, blow the bloody doors off. He does in fact blow the bloody doors off a van. This movie loves a van. Predominantly this movie is about vans. Um, but like, the thing descends into chaos. Yes. And at this point, Rusty calls a cell phone that Danny had planted in Julia Roberts' pocket

and talks to Andy Garcia, and is like, hello, we are going to take half of the money in your vault. We have planted explosives in the bags that we are taking and in the vault itself. So we are going to walk straight out of the casino, put the money in a van. And if you try and stop us, we are going to blow it up and it's all going to go. You can either lose 160 million dollars publicly, or you can quietly let us walk away with 80 million dollars. Smart. It's one of those things that sounds clever, right? Yeah. Like, no. Julia Roberts finds Brad Pitt on the casino floor, like, walking around, and confronts him. But ostensibly Andy Garcia goes for this. Meanwhile he's calling the police behind the

back, and then when they're like, okay SWAT team's on the way, he's like, change of plan, I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna drink your blood, I'm gonna use your testicles for craps dice, I'm gonna give you a gambling addiction, and really that's gonna be a lot worse. You know? SNIGGARDS! BULLS! like addictions, and really that's gonna be a lot worse, you know? SNIFFS The other thing that I like about this as well is once again with the romance angle, Gussie is much more alive and horny, threatening Brad Pitt over the phone than he ever is to Julia Roberts.

He's thriving, he's moisturized, he's having a great time being like, I am gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you on like seven different continents. Meanwhile when he's with Julia Roberts he's like, yeah it's nice, like Vermeer, or whatever. Or is it a Van Meegeren? Women are boring. Heists are fun. This is a key point.

Heist days are for the boys. Yeah. I might go to a heist with the boys, but I wake up in jail with the men in the morning? Is that anything? Sure. Yeah. It's happened to me. But I really like it.

It's Danny Ocean, yeah. So, they load the money into the vans, which is driven away, it's being followed, the SWAT bursts into the vault, and we hear over the monitors this firefight explosives are going off so the money gets destroyed and it looks like everyone's been fucking killed and the SWAT have just gone in and like wasted everybody and the van is followed to the airport they shoot out the tires and then they're like oh the van is empty and it's fucking being remote controlled and the SWAT team are like there's no bodies in the vault. They've just fucking vanished.

And they blow up that van. Sick. The van gets blown up. They explode it at an airport. And this movie came out like two months after 9-11. Yeah, yeah. There was a brief hangover period in the 2000s where you could go onto an airport without getting the

instant five star wanted level. Yeah. And like, the one thing that they changed for 9-11 was the demolition of the building. They did like a special effect CGI demolition instead of the real building that they filmed falling down because they thought it looked a little too much like the twin towers collapsing. Gosh. I suppose that makes sense. But yeah, blowing up a van at an airport, totally fine.

Totally fine. So Andy Garcia goes down into the vault, sees the ruins of all of his money, and instantly figures this shit out. World's greatest detective figures out that this is the Ella Fitzgerald off of the list, it's a Memorex commercial. You tell me. Is it real, or is it Memorex? These motherfuckers built a one-to-one replica of our vault.

They built a fake vault, in order to trick us into doing this, and the SWAT team were the Oceans Eleven. Yeah, they were the Oceans. When the SWAT team came in, they brought a bunch of more SWAT uniforms, and then just let the guys in the vault change into them, and then they just picked up the money and walked straight out past Andy Garcia. This is all shown in a flashback, at which point the saxophonist is like, fuck, he's coming.

He's eating that thing alive, yeah. So he goes to Danny Ocean, who is still captured in the Red Skausen room. Of course, that's his alibi, is that he's been getting beaten up all the time. I'm in here having had the shit kicked out of me, pal. When Andy Garcia is walking to the Red Skeleton Memorial getting the shit kicked out of your room. He walks like he's done too much tricep day. He's like, his arms are like held out for him like he's worked out too much.

There's only one other actor I've seen walk like that and it's Lance Reddick. Like, I've seen Lance Reddick do that same walk with the arms. Yeah, odd. It's really strange. Like he's been hanging from his wrists for too long and now he's... Meanwhile, the SWAT guys are long since gone in their SWAT van. This movie loves a van. And so, he's like, fine, call the cops, because he's in violation of his parole, and he's like, I'm not gonna do it. And he's like, I'm not gonna do it.

And he's like, I'm not gonna do it. And he's like, I'm not gonna do it. And he's like, I'm not gonna do it. And he's like, I'm not gonna do it., he's like, fine, call the cops, because he's in violation of his parole, and get him the fuck out of my casino. Meanwhile, we get, we have to heist the woman, right, because we're stealing two things. And so we get the gambit here, which is Julia- Brad Pitt tells Julia Roberts, go home, go to your hotel room, watch TV, turn to this channel.

She does, and it's been re-rooted by the IT guy. The camera feed from this hallway, where she sees Danny Ocean go, if I could get you your money back, but you had to give up your wife, would you make that deal? And he's like, yeah I fucking hate my wife, and I love money. I love money. F**king love money. To be fair, I would understand if my partner left me for 160 million dollars. I wouldn't.

Mm, no, I think I would probably Julia Roberts this too. I'm worth more than that. Hands down. I would understand, that's a lot of money. You know? Yeah, but money, worse more than that. Hands down. I would understand, that's a lot of money. You know? Yeah, but money, it's not that important really. It's like a little important. Yeah, you know, it says for rich and for poorer, not just for poorer.

You get those diminishing returns past a certain amount I was under. But also like, it's not some kind of ironclad contract here, like, I get to have your wife if I give your money back? That's presumably not how it works. No. Yeah. I don't see any of it in Charlie where she ends up with Danny Ocean after this, right? Being like, what if you sold me your wife?

You know? It's weird that she goes back to him. You can pretty readily be like, bro, I was lying to him? Like obviously I was gonna get him to get my money back and then have him killed? How would that even work? Why does this convince you that he loves you? Like thankfully she has nothing going on as far as a personality in this movie. So she's like, well I have two guys that I can be with in

all of existence, so it's either the guy who just said he doesn't want me around, or the guy that I left because he also sucked shit. ALICE Yeah, the kind of, the script here is like, Danny Oshin is the only guy with an actual human soul, whereas Andy Gussie is like an evil vampire NPC. Yes. And so like, he makes her feel things, and like, he might be a thief and a liar, but y'know, they have each other. He does look like George Clooney. He looks like George Clooney, and he now has dentist money.

And makes a damn good tequila. I've never tried it. It's not very good. No, I've just found out about this. Yeah. So cool. She leaves, she sees Andy Garcia on the way out, and she's like, I know what you did. In another speech check, in another callback thing.

I'm breaking off view. And then she sees Danny being bundled into the back of a police car, and she's like, when will I see you again? He's like, three to six months. We had a very cute thing where the title card is, three to six months later. And he is getting out of... Now it's time for some last minute homophobia. Yes!

And sexism! Yes, well he gets out of prison in the same tuxedo, which is a fun bit, and is like, charming, I'm having a good time with the movie, and Brad Pitt's shitty line is, I hope you were the groom, which, in the dying second of this movie, we have to get some 2000s, like, homophobia prison rape joke. And it just fucking sucks. Yeah, like, throwing it through the closing door like Indiana Jones grabbing his hat, you know, just like, you nearly made it out of there without... Yeah, such a shame.

...to do that. Throwing my homophobic hat through... Yeah, I guess the hat is homophobic in this. Well, he also follows it up by saying, I hope you don't mind, I stopped off to pick up your personal effects. Danny looks in the car, says, I'm not sure these belong to me, and then we get the reverse shot where it's Julia Roberts. And it's like, ah.

You have just, you've said the quiet part out loud in this film, which is that the woman is a thing. The woman is a thing that you are stealing stuff from. They won't stop saying that the woman's an object. Like the whole movie. Yeah. Women are a kind of treasure. And she's wearing her wedding ring again.

And also her hair is down now. In 2001 women loved this kind of thing, supposedly. Men thought women loved this kind of thing. Did we? When the fuck did Tate come up with this? That's my point, right? 2001, this is what people, like, this is what men decided women loved. That's always been something that there is a certain like staying power to establish.

The average protagonist in the mid-2000s was like, divorced. Like, was ex-husband. The main girl was always like, divorced wife, and she had like a new boyfriend who was being shitty. And like, that is the core of every 2000s movie. It doesn't help that most movies are written by scriptwriters, and scriptwriters are in general the most divorced population on Earth. Yes. Hey! It just, it, listen. And scriptwriters are, in general, the most divorced population on earth. Yes. Hey! It just, it, listen.

You have to get married first, but... I just watched Twister for the first time just a couple months ago, because I had never seen Twister, and it's like, at the very beginning it's like, DEVOURS! And I'm like, oh yeah, Michael Crichton wrote this. You know what's a great divorce guy movie that's also a heist movie? It's Con Air. Yes. Con Air is a fantastic Divorced Guy movie.

Really? Yeah. Twister is such a good Divorced Guy movie. Fuck, how is Divorce such a strong... what was going on in the early 2000s? The emancipation of women. We got No Fault Divor divorce and then every movie became about that all the women keep leaving us for no reason my wife keeps fucking carrie elwes or andy garcia or whoever and i'm sick of it listen up liberal my wife left me damn

oh god yeah no i'm gonna make you guys watch twisters when ALICE When did No Fault Divorce come in, that actually explains the big cultural insecurity? ALICE That's a good question. Ocean's Eleven, it's a divorce movie, it just is. But it's also a heist movie, and it's one that's tremendously influential, right, because the contours of a heist movie, just to really lay this down, are you are trying to crisp into potato snacks the movie, and it won't let you, because it withholds information tactically. And so it's like, here is stuff that makes sense in hindsight, and you go, oh, that's how, but there was not a way you could have put it together.

ALICE And that's why they dress like magicians. It's a magic show. JUSTIN Yes! Oh, misdirection. ALICE You are enjoying the experience of being tricked, is what a heist film is. Or is in this specific manifestation. Aesthetically you need saxophone music and split screens. Those are the two things you have to have.

And a lot of planning music. And a montage where you assemble the crew. But, for something that has been so widely influential in terms of setting up the conventions of these things, what do we think about Ocean's Eleven? Just to actually watch? What kind of time did we have seeing this? I had a pretty good time watching Ocean's Eleven. I gotta be honest with you, I had a good time there. It was fun, it was fun. It mostly still holds up, you know, misogyny and so on aside. It's fun, it doesn't feel like it's overindulgent. It seems like they had fun doing it. John

Cheetal not included. Yeah, apart from one. If you forget Don Cheadle, it's a really good movie. I'll say this is a fuck of a lot better than the 60s one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, mostly because I can tell who everyone is. Like this has personality. I mean, I do love the-

It's actually about at a level for me for different reasons. I do love that final beat of the original movie. Like, there's something that's just so good about, like, they've gone through all these lengths, their friend dies, they dig him up to put money under him, and then it all just sets on fire at the end. Yeah. It's them getting the money at the end.

That's one of the main points of difference from the 60s one, is that they do actually get away with the cash. Yeah. Because they don't have to deal with the Hayes code. Yeah, true. The sequel hook is that they are being followed down the road by Andy Garcia's boys. The Blojo brothers. But like, yeah, I don't know, I like a lot of Stephen Soderbergh movies quite a lot,

but I've always kind of found the Ocean's movies like mid- Stephen Dye at Soderbergh, if you will. Yeah. Yeah! Like, I like a lot of the crazy shit that he's doing, and it's clear as a director he's having a lot of fun, and it's clear that a lot of the actors are having a lot of fun, and eating a lot of food. But the overall effect of it is just like, okay, here's some more bullshit that they're

doing. Yeah. That's sort of like, yeah. Yeah, very much so. I kind of, I enjoyed this. That's sort of like, yeah, very much so. I enjoyed this, I enjoyed watching, like, you know, the tweet about seeing a beautiful face huge, seeing George Clooney on a big TV, it's like, yeah, it's cool, it's worthwhile. They do shoot this movie in an alarmingly golden color grade. Yes.

To reinforce the ideas of, like, money, you know? But it does have a bit of the like, you displace that into a future cinematic language, you know, like, I don't remember if Las Vegas was in Mexico. But, but, we don't have to be sort of like impressionistic about this, because we have a science-based system. It's called the SCUMM system, it stands for SMAM. Cultural Insensitivity, Unprovoked Violence, and Misogyny. How SMAM-y is Ocean's 11, 2001? D&E I mean, it's nothing but lines, right?

Ae- It's gotta be relatively, relatively high. There's a bit where Ocean's doing the kind of speech about the house, you know, why the house always wins. Afterwards he does the Marvel thing of like, did you like the speech? It wasn't too much? I wasn't like, you know, meta. Yeah, it's a couple of moments of like Marvel dialogue in there, certainly. But I think the biggest problem is we're gonna have like very high baseline smarm for like

heist movies, because they love to explain what they've done, and that's always like a, uh, kind of thing to do. So I mean, five probably, like six? We gave the previous one seven. It was less smarmy than that. I think it's less smarmy than this, yeah. I think five or six. I think the thing is that, yeah, you're right that a heist film is a heist-smarm thing,

and maybe a low-smarm heist film is just a sparkling robbery film, and the smarm is an essential kind of aspect to it. But yeah, I'll go five, I think, for this. Yeah, five makes sense. Cultural insensitivity. I mean... There's no omission, alright, because we've got Bernie Mac, we've got Don Cheadle, we've got the contortionist fella. The Chinese gymnast. We've got Yen.

Mmhm. We've got Elliot Gould, we've got the guy who looks like Jeffrey Tambor, whose name I don't remember. Carl Reiner. Eww. Carl Reiner. I'm here to remember him. We're training a little bit on Jewish stereotypes, I think.

We are, yes. It's not that good, I mean, it doesn't really do the ton of things. The curious, racial othering of Yen, the Chinese gymnast, who gets like, who's basically, his deal is, Chinese gymnast, and they play as heavily on one as the other. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And who gets like, he has one line in English which is for comedy value and it trades on him having like a kind of heavily accented English.

Yes, I do want to punish him for that. They get in the vault and he goes like, where the fuck have you been, in a heavy accent, and it's like, okay, that's what the movie spends its one fuck on as well. Which I think that becomes the thing for the whole trilogy too, is he always gets one English line with a profanity. Yay. God dammit. I want to take it up to like a four, just for that.

Okay. Four? Unprovoked violence? Uh, none, I guess. There's not really any violence in this film. Well there's that punch in the face, from the one... Yeah, but that's just misunderstanding, really. Yeah.

There's nothing, like, unprovoked, I don't think. Yeah, the film is not asking us to endorse any, like, morally questionable violence. No. I think we can just flatly say zero. Yeah. Misogyny. Now, it claws it back on this one. We don't even worry about that one.

Yeah. There are two women in the world, and they are, either Stripper. STRIPPER or ex-wife, again, screenwriting. Personal effect. Yeah. Yeah. In fairness, right, I want to be one point of forgiving towards this, in that they do try to make it seem like there is an actual romance and a romantic attraction there. It's not just like, this is your wife who you are entitled

to, it's, this is your wife who you make laugh and who likes you and stuff. That to me strikes me as... RILEY They mostly tell you that rather than show it though. SONIA Maybe, but I'm applying the Carole Paytman metric here, and I'm deducing that the women in these heist films exist for men. LIAM Yeah. RILEY And the whole making her laugh thing, it just makes her seem like a simpleton. Like he told

her how, you know, why did the chicken cross the road? And she's like, this man is a genius. I will die with him. What is a joke, but a kind of heist. Yeah. She has no reason to go back to him at the end. She could just as easily have gone like, she could just easily have gone, you know, a plague on both your houses and left them. And it doesn't even go into a realm of like, making her just weird, where she's just really into whoever is the most fucked up guy. She's like, well, he stole your money, that's kind of awesome, I'm just gonna go with that.

Yeah. And you have eleven heist operatives, and all of them are men. Every single one. It's statistically unlikely. Just one of them should have just been a woman. Like, it would have been nothing. It would have been one of the two brothers who are arguing they could be siblings. There you go.

Don't sort it. What if... Like, it's nothing. What if eight of them were women? What if they were all women? And what if a certain blonde New York actor was in the background of that movie frequently? I'm talking about myself. We could have a movie about women. I'm an extra in Ocean's Aid. Oh my god. That's great. Revealing this at the last moment? That's my heist! That's my heist!

What the fuck did you tell me to wait a couple of weeks? Because it's not that good of a movie! I mean, you know. We will be highly complimentary about you when we do it. This film made me really interested in the prospect of Ocean's 8 because this film is basically saying that heists are a homosocial activity for the boys, I'm like, can you make a heist movie for women? Because this film is all about how heisting is for the boys. It is to prove yourself to other men and to have fun in a homosocial way. So I'm like, for whom is the female heist?

What if I steal? Let's find out. Money, I guess. But also why? You know, interesting. Yeah, to get the ex-husband part. Misogyny of this film, I think Let's find out. Money, I guess. But also why? You know? Interesting. Yeah, to get the ex-husband part. Misogyny of this film, I think it's pretty high. Yeah, pretty high.

Yeah. It's pretty bad. I wanna give it to, like, I don't know, like a five or something? I think you're being generous today, but alright. I feel so. You're in a soft mood today, and I'm not. No, this is objective. That gives it 14, which I personally think is too generous.

Where would you put it? I would have given it a higher misogyny score, I would have bumped it up a bit, but you know, it's a science based system and therefore it's achieved through consensus. That's pretty good, you know, it's the same as Charlie's Angels Full Throttle, if you're interested. That sounds about right to me. It's a decent OSS, Sandy set. Yeah, that all tracks.

I mean, it's a science based system. It's like a Craig Bond. 2001 was crazy, man. Sorry, I just clicked on a link that said this was the fifth highest grossing. Yeah, that was one of the main things. Fifth highest grossing film in 2001. I've just looked at the top ranks and it's like Harry Potter one Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring, Monsters Inc, Shrek.

Damn. The first Fast and Furious movie as well. Like, yeah, cracking things out in 2001. What a year. Incredible year for everything apart from buildings. The one true masterpiece that came out in 2001, Josie and the Pussycats, flopped. I thought you were gonna say 9-11! No, 9-11 did very well, actually. 9-11 did excellently at the box office.

Do we want to award any Cronsteers at Two Good Night Crosses here? I don't know that we do. I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Anyone who goes above and beyond, no. Don Cheadle's accent. Don Cheadle's agent. We'd like to give a closing rosette to Don Cheadle's agent.

Yeah, because they were working for evil by telling him to keep going with that accent. Yeah, and they went above and beyond. No, I support that. I love the way that American agents work, because they're like, yeah, they'll fucking back you. They'll fuck you 110%. They're trying to fuck me less in this scenario. Yeah, but in general, it's really good that you do. Yeah, I know.

This is why I like my American manager because they've always got my back. They've always got a word of encouragement. I'm like, hell yeah. I would be nothing but disappointed if I had a manager. That's what I pay you for. Get out of bed. Get the fuck out of bed. I'm like, no, I'm depressed. Ocean disappointed if I had a manager. Get up, get out of bed, get the fuck out of bed. I'm like, no, I'm depressed. Ocean's 11. Ocean's 11.

What a film. We have three more of these to go, two more of these to go. And yeah, I'm excited. I'm having a great time. Brian, if the people want more Brian, where can they find more Brian? Oh God, the idea of- In the background of Ocean's, eh? Yeah, I've never been familiar with the concept of people wanting more Brian, but

wait a minute. That's just there's a business card in my pocket. It just has the worst of all possible worlds written on it. It just says worst of all possible worlds on one side drug dealer on the other. I forgot to put my name or contact in. Yeah, you can find me on the podcast. The worst of all possible worlds. I host that with my my friends Josh and AJ, it's maybe the most American podcast of all time, we talk about deeply, horrifically American things like evangelical culture, movies, TV, basically as sort of case studies in what America is and what does its decline currently look like. We're gonna need three evangelical podcast toasts. Check it out, folks. And you can find me on social media, I'm on Twitter still, I just never delete any of

my social media accounts. I'm on Blue Sky and I'm on Instagram all as at Spox's Brian a reference to the infamous Star Trek episode Spock's brain and blue skies the one I'm like the most but that's the one I use the most and I post my pictures and stuff mostly because that's where I actually get like likes and follows so check out the worst of all possible worlds. I'd recommend any episode, but like both Nova and I have been on, so if you need a nice on-ramp, listen to one of those. But like, they're good. They're

good episodes. This is great to hear about Hitman. Yeah, they're all fabulous episodes. We haven't had Abbey on yet. Go listen to some fucking kids radio at some point. We have a Patreon, you can subscribe to it, our next bonus episode is gonna be... Previous was Spice World, so the next one is gonna be... It's my pick next I think. Oh I think we promised this to someone on the fourth. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We have a Patreon, we have a Patreon, we'll figure out what the next bonus episode is.

In the meantime, thank you for listening, we'll see you next time. Bye have a Patreon. We'll figure out what the next bonus episode is. In the meantime, thank you for listening and we'll see you next time. Bye everyone. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. In two weeks time on the free feed, you'd better believe it's Ocean's 12, the sequel to Oceans 11. But if that is simply too long for you to wait you can head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com slash killjamesbond and sign up today for £5 a month and our next episode, next week, will be in order of disappearance with a special guest. Special thanks of course to our £15 and above patrons who are better than our normal patrons by dint of having given us £15 and above patrons, who are better than our normal patrons by

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