Kill James Bond! - S4E31: 2Fast2Furious

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

Faster than anyone could have possibly predicted, we're all fully on board. Brian has been fired from the police for refusing to bring down Dom Toretto, and, like all fired police officers, He is immediately sent to a different city and employed in a clandestine manner to do exactly what he just did again. But this time, he insists on involving a man from his past: Roman Pearce. ----- Check out friend of the show Mattie's new book Simplicity here, or wherever fine graphic novels are sold! ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. In our home, we talk a lot about how insane everything feels, and agonise constantly over what can be done to best help the Palestinians trapped in Gaza facing the full brunt of genocidal violence. My partner Rebecca has put together a list of four fundraisers you can contribute to- all of them are at work on the ground doing what they can. -Palestinian Communist Youth Union, which is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 -Thamra, which distributes herb and veg seedlings, repairs and maintains water infrastructure, and distributes food made with replanted veg patches https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-thamra-cultivating-resilience-in-gaza ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app account

Welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Go-Froom! Galbunga, boys. I'm so fucking excited about this one. I have a real problem, which is that... What's your problem?

When we started doing this, I was like, oh, these movies are going to suck. They're going to drag so long. Look who's come around! I didn't embrace living my life a quarter mile at a time thought, because if I had, I wouldn't be so surprised. that it only took two films for the Stockholm Syndrome to set in. I was ahead of the curve.

I enjoyed the first one. This one rocks. Sorry. This one, I'm sorry. It's quite good. It's like your classic kind of middling action film, like kind of middle budget. It's not too. It's of a type that I would sort of exemplify with bad boys too, which I think is a better film.

Yes. But is a lot of fun, right? too fast, too furious is an enjoyable film to watch. It's just quite fun. I have fun, yeah. It has some problems, sure,

but it's pretty good. I was, you know, it doesn't have a lot of... I was going to say, it doesn't have a lot of, like, you know, great ambitions. It's not trying to be... It's not trying to say anything particularly deep. It's not trying to be a kind of like statement piece

about the state of the nation. It's about as good as some James Bond films we've seen, but it's not like trying to do more than that it is, which I like. I would say so. I mean, the big change here for me between the fast and the furious and too fast, too furious is that they got an actual director to director. They did.

There's actually some great shots in this. There's some like, they got John Singleton to do this. Like, boys in the hood, John Singleton to do this. and he does a fantastic job on this. It is, it's like, okay, like we say, it's not going to win another Oscar for him, sure, but like it's like it's well put together.

But so this is also another movie that exists with a kind of like troubled production process in that nobody wanted to be in it. And I'm not entirely sure why, because here's the thing, right? Like the first one, enormously successful, enormously profitable. They offered Vin Diesel

$25 million to come back and do it. And he had the screenplay, he read the screenplay and was like, this fucking sucks, I don't want to do it, I'm going to do Chronicles of Riddick instead. Sick. Now that's decision-making. Yeah, but like Jarrell turned down half a million dollars to be in this.

And the thing is, I, having watched it, maybe I don't know what the screenplay was like when they sent it out, but like it seemed okay to me. It seemed like kind of workmanlike. And the only conclusion I can come to is the one person who did not hesitate to be in these movies and to say yes to these movies was Paul Walker. Yeah. So maybe it's just turned down $25 million because you would have to hang out with Paul Walker.

You would have to meet his 16 year old girlfriend. And you just don't want to do it. Yeah. You don't want to do that. There's no amount of money to hang out with a peter farm. No. By the way, we got some replies on the blue sky being like, oh, wow. It's not a paedophile to be a man of his thing

is to date a 16 year old And if you dare point that out People will call you a paedophile It's like stop listening to our podcast You paedophile Fuck off It's good to make the podcast Self-Select filter these people out

I think so I think so 16 is the age of consent in the UK That does not make it not Peter Philly It's legal Have you ever met a 16 year old? No absolutely

That is a child Yeah And like especially Especially when his daughter was like 15 and he was dating a 16 year old, that's just sickening. Kill this white demon. But so. Well, I've got good news for you. Well, exactly, you know.

He died on a palisone. So we begin with some real 2003 ship, which is the universal logo. Yeah, it's turning into a car part. It's like chrome universal logo. It's going, whoa. Whoa. Can they do? There's rhythmic hip-hop music in the background.

That is how the subtitle renders it. Cool. It's like, okay, here we go. We're watching fucking Too Fast, Too Furious. We also introduce a principle which will last us throughout the entire film, which is that like the men in this movie, dress normal, normal clothes, normal dude,

so you'd see around. The women in this movie are dressed like, well, not really dressed at all, but also dressed insane style. No midriff goes uncovered, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, everybody's like, it's almost to the degree of pussy out

We're very much dialing up the dial from the last movie, which is like shots of cars, shots of sexy lady. Yeah, they weirdly, like, that's not something that they make you split it in the screenplay, which is why I think it's a better screenplay than the first one in part. But it is cinematographic of like, yeah, cars, women. Also, the women in this are sort of largely cleaning the cars, like polishing the cars. Yes, that is interesting. Which is striking. Women are set dressing.

in this movie again, I'm afraid. It is worse than last time. So we're doing some street racing in Miami, which we introduce with a nice like mural as well. We're not sort of doing a like sort of intertitle thing of like Miami, Florida. Ludacris is here. It's a motherfucking ludicrous. Ludicrous with a gigantic afro with a pick in it as well.

I don't know why. Sure. And he's organizing this street race, which I think I kind of appreciate. This movie has a real video. games gaze to it. Yeah. A hundred, fuck, it's so

Saints Row. It's so Saints Row. I had to look this up. Saints Row 1 was before this, Saint Row 2 was after this. So it's sort of chicken a... Saint Row is very too fast, too furious them. Yeah, I would put this as a kind of a on the timing. I think this is a midnight club

kind of... Mm. Kind of movie. But so, like, we have our sort of three races. each of whom have their crew, their car, they're all color-coded. Yes, absolutely. I like that. Player 1, player 2, player 3.

Devon Ayoki, a fellow Devon, how you doing? It's playing Suki, who is Girl Driver. She is Girl Driver, yeah. The pink car. They foreclosed a one of my objections here, which was, as I was writing, are women allowed to drive cars, or do we just have to clean them? Then we get Girl Driver and her Girl Crew.

with her pink car, with her pink underlighting. Way more than four, got to say, hubristic. It also spits pink flames, which is really funny. Yeah, sick. That's really cool. I want my car to do that. There's also one of the guys in this team, he grabs two women's asses, and they just laugh and smile.

He's demisogynie guy. He doesn't like having to race against a girl. He's Mr. Orange. He's called Orange Julius. He's driving an orange car. I don't know what the car model is. I thought it could be a good bit. I weighed this up earlier.

Let me know if this is funny. It could be a good bit for me to open up the internet movie car database and try to say the names of all of these car models really, like, as if I know what they are. Yeah, absolutely. But he's in the orange car. We'll see if I can land that. And they need a fourth race. You've got to race in groups of four. And they're like, oh, we don't have anyone.

It's like sex in the city, right? Exactly. You need a carry Bradshaw. Yeah. And so ludicrous is like, well, I'll call someone and he calls Paul Walker, comma, peterphal. And he says... Walker, whose color coding is like blue and silver. Yeah.

But he's so protagonist coded, particularly in this sequence, because he looks like default white boy. He shows up wearing a plain white t-shirt. Yeah. It's very much like, this is player character. And I was like, oh shit, that's Paul Walker, comma, peterfowl. Because Ludacris is like, oh, you gotta get here within three minutes, and he speeds across the city, like it's quarter to four, and he has to pick up his girlfriend from school.

And he arrives at the... He arrives at the starting line. It really is like white boy default loadout because what he's wearing is like heavy white t-shirt, black jeans and some black converse. It's like, brother. Not even fucking trying. Oh, I'm sick of seeing those fucking converse as well.

Because obviously, obviously this is directed by anuteur. So we're seeing the foot pushing the pedal quite often. And he is wearing converse the whole fucking time. You will get sick of them. See, those chucks. As he's lining up and he's squaring up with the other races, he sees Eva Mendez in the crowd. And there's a shot here, which really looks like he's just clocking her.

It's very fun. He looks at it like, what the fuck am I looking at? What the hell? Just seeing this astoundingly beautiful woman, and it looks like he is about to hate crime her. And she kind of disappears into the crowd mysteriously. Hmm. The real, like, 2003 computer generated graphics come up for the title drop, by the way.

Yes. Neon lines whipping around the screen. It looks like it should say like press start with the little start button logo. Yeah, it does, isn't it? It absolutely looks like it's like about to say first. It's like pulling up from the race course and everything. Yeah, I'm in fucking burnout two nostalgia mode here. This is great.

Yeah. And this time, the race is not just in a straight line. They've got curves. Yeah, this is something they've invented in Miami, which is a race that curves. They've invented shooting it in such a way that it makes the driving seem interesting and consequential. Yeah. A lot of shots of eyes very close up. It's like it's the good, the bad and the ugly. There's also, there's a real thing here. It's like, if we ever talk about technical limitations, we did a bit last time we were like the CGI looks bad, right? It's partially because it's dated, right, but this has dated CGI that looks fantastic. Like you would look at this and you would say this is absolutely like early 2000s VFX

but it's used so well that this looks like the kind of like PS2 game graphics in places in ways that are really appealing and really kind of like get you sort of involved in the thing I really I can't praise it enough on that school all films were done on computer and done in post by kind of ununionized sweatshop VFX people

so yeah it's also like it's It's just really good cinematography as well. Because the big race in the first one at the beginning is just like hit Nitro go faster. And they do still have that, but it's got like, it kind of over-relies on this thing of like cargo faster when gear change performed perfectly and you get the shot of the converse. Well, you unlock a boost then. And oh boy, you'd better believe that Nitrous is still like ludicrous speed.

Of course. It does activate the top of course. all the colors start shifting out into like into their constituent RGBs really pretty sick actually but Ludacris is telling his his audience he's like I got a real surprise for you at the end of this race and he pushes a little button it raises a bridge up to create a little jump at the end it's pretty good there's a kind of there's a lot of like over the shoulder shots like attached to the car that look a lot like a like an arcade racing game yeah they're just really, really pleasing to me.

This is visually interesting. It makes me understand why people like Speed Racer. It kind of scratched that itch for me. I mean, it may just be that I'm a very mercurial person, and I watched the first one in a bad mood, and I watched this one in a good mood, but I... I started watching this movie in a pretty bad mood,

and it managed to put me into a good one. So I think it could well be the movie. It's also... Mr. Orange is sort of like... He gets his car rammed from behind, behind by Devonaioki. And the kind of sexual subtext of this is fairly clear as she says, bend over boy. Yes. This is what you get if you behave well as a woman in 2003, is you get to be a character in the movie.

But all of your lines and every line to you is going to be like, you're a girl. Yeah. It's like girl power, bracket sexual. All the lines to you will be you're a girl and all the lines that you will give two men or as if they are girls? Yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm a girl. I'm fucking your pussy now. Yeah.

Mr. Orange is about to win the race because he activates his fucking Nitro, but he activates it too early. And Paul Walker, smartly, sort of perceives the bridge obstacle, hits his nitrous oxide, jumps his car

over Mr. Orange's car, and Mr. Orange crashes into a gigantic, obtrusive Pepsi billboard. making Pepsi the official drink of rapidly stopping driving. Yeah, Pepsi the... The official drink of crashing your car. Pepsi's zero miles an hour. Just like drinking a bunch of Asahi, crashing my car

and immediately, sort of resignedly cracking open a Pepsi. So they get back, Brian, who's a pedophile, he wins. Obviously he wins. He's in second. place. And ludicrous hits on Suki, she's kind of into it. And this is, he's been kind of hitting on her in a way that, like, feels uncomfortable. But at this point, the movie reveals that they are actually a couple.

And it's like, oh, okay, this is just how they, this is just how they do it. Oh, it's just like joke misogyny to each other. Fine. Yeah, they're doing a kind of like skeezy roleplay for fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At this point, much like the first movie, the cop show up, unlike the first movie that the, like, police chases more interestingly filmed. They even get the cop cars to do like a kind of sick handbraked turn or two.

but as Paul Walker is escaping And they've got more than one cop car That's very noticeable also This is also a great movie for my favorite Kind of sub sub-tropes Which is police car siren Making sad noises when police car damaged Like

It's really fucking good Yeah yeah Can't get enough of it every time But so As Paul Walker is escaping A cop appears Like a special tactical cop Like in payday

appears with a weapon that I've called the car pg yes that's really good they've got a new unit for this movie yeah it's a kind of like shoulder launched missile thing it's a trident missile but not like a trident missile like just literally it's got three prongs and it like shuts your car down

electricity it attaches to your car and it emps your car perfectly I think that wasn't a midnight club yeah this is and as he's driving The car shuts down around him and he like crashes into a Pepsi billboard This is actually how they got Maduro But the mainstream media won't tell you that

And Paul Walker is arrested Brackett's not really Because he's like He used to be a cop They pull the exact same thing again It's like it's the fake arrest of We the police can talk to you But they do spend a little bit of time in the room

Just sort of like Giving him the guss Just sweating him Again awful fucking outfit But like Why are you always outside that school. He's not a cop anymore. He just used to be.

Yeah, it turns out they get really mad at you if instead of bringing in the criminal you were hired to arrest, you give him some car keys. And then run away. They actually don't let you be a cop after that. Yeah, he's been on the run. And the FBI guy from the first movie is here. He is here. They're trying to make him a thing very obviously,

and I don't like it. My favorite detail here is, so this is the US customs, right, are trying to get him in on their operation. They bring him into a briefing room. This briefing room is so clearly a cinema. It's got cinema seats. They're watching the briefing on a cinema screen.

And then as I'm thinking, I'm going insane, they cut back to one of the customs guys who is full force holding a big gulp. And I'm like, that's funny. That's funny. It's like there's going to be a guy with a like a popcorn, like tub coming through in a second.

Before we can watch the briefing, we have to watch the trailers. But they're like, okay, we're looking for this guy. guy Carter Marone. He's a drug lord who's based in Miami. Ava Mendez is an undercover agent in his operation who we think may have flipped. You're going to help us catch him by working for him as a driver. Or we're going to send you back to prison. Yeah, you have to go undercover. This guy with the big gulp, he's also going to be undercover with you.

You're going to be street racers. And if you don't, the way they coerce him is really funny because they just go, here's a list of the laws you broke. visibly a huge list single spaced like multiple pages is pretty good The only thing that would have been funnier is if they handed him like a scroll And it bounced across the floor

And just roll it So he He obviously does not like The Mr Big Gulp And he's like Yeah He fucking Kaiser Soese's him Off his own big gulp

He goes like What would you I don't know What kind of engine would you put in a In a fucking a burger king, a two or an eight, and he would go, and he goes, well, eight is bigger than two. And it's like, motherfucker, that was the name on your big gulp.

Yeah. It's a, I just ambushed you with a big gulp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, there's only one man who can help me in this fish. Only one guy, my old buddy, Dominic Toretto. Oh, no, he didn't have this movie. New guy, we just invented, crossed his name out, Roman Pierce, everybody.

I ask how the crucifixion ends. Yeah. So we go to Barstow, California, where... Barstow? I don't have any fit it now. Where Roman is like, he's nominally on house arrest, he's got an ankle tag on, but he's defying the ankle tag to race in like a demolition derby. Yeah. The opening shot of this, of like the little fucking village with the demolition derby,

and it's all in like the desert with those like multicolored like stacks of rock. I don't remember what the names of any of that for shows. Fantastic. That's real America to me. That is what's up. This is level two. We've done the tutorial level. We're now in level two.

This is fully level two, yeah. There's like shapes and colors. It's visually interesting. Paul Walker has taken the FBI guy with him like he's his dad. and he sort of like goes to confront Roman Pierce after the demolition derby and he's like essentially what he deploys is a card that you can best summarize as I stopped being a cop so you're not allowed to be mad at me for having ever been one yeah he's like yelling after him and he goes Rome and Roman turns around and is like

only my homies can call me Rome pig and spitz which first of all yeah And just genuinely bride's like, well, I'm not a cop anymore. Yeah. They fired me for being too bad at being a cop. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know how hard that is going? Year like 2030 is being like, yeah, you know.

They fired me. Yeah. Yeah. For some reason they didn't want me as a cop. But so we see that Paul Walker is two Bilkins. Like, just let me just let me play this out. And so they get in a fist fight in the. like very white dust sand

of bar stow. It's very, it's quite visually impactful. I like that the fist fight is deliberately kind of pathetic. It's kind of like a silly slap fight between two big two big teenagers. It's brotherish. Yeah. It is brotherish. You're right. That's a really good word. And like it's

also like one reason why I like this is it's not like hugely inventive but they did have to write a movie that wasn't point break. And that means that I don't know word for word what's going to happen next because it isn't point break. It's just about not point break.

Yeah. So we established that when they were buddies, Roman got arrested as part of an operation that that Brian was doing. And he left his buddy to rot in jail, right? And he's like, well, if you come and help me with this mission, we'll clear your record. Yeah, there's a really good shot as sort of Roman Pierce is getting out of his car earlier, where you see the ankle tag but it's at the bottom of another huge bootcut gene.

I'm just really, I'm appointing myself like boot cut correspondent for the Fast and Furious franchise where I need to see exactly when these go out of fashion, right? Because right now it is... We'll see it happen. It's dramatic. We'll see the moment, yeah. Baggy ass fucking jeans throughout this entire movie.

Yeah. Meanwhile, Billkins, by the way, is legitimately eating popcorn. as he watches the fight. He's got to sit down. It's funny. There's also a thing, right, that's really,

really funny and a little bit problematic, where as soon as they kind of reconcile enough to, to an uneasy truce, Paul Walker immediately slips into white boy A-A-V. He does. I wasn't sure how to say this, but... He stays there for the rest of the movie.

He does not fucking stop saying, like, Brett and cuss. He does do that, yeah, yeah. One thing he just cussed, and I thought he just called him a cunt. I was like, whoa. No, it's fully A-AV. It's wild.

And some of it is, I do not know if you can be talking like that, Paul Walker. But this was the era for it. This was the era where it was like, if you were cool enough and had black friends, it was like aspirational in the popular culture to do this. It really was, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Visions of a sort of like strange kind of like, like,

like racial inclusion where it's like you become the white boy who can hang right like yeah strange I mean that's the plot of all of the Fast and Furious movies unfortunately is Paul Walker becoming the white boy

who can hang yeah so they go back to they go back to Florida and we see that Roman is like scared of the feds like he doesn't want to do this but he is eventually swayed to do it and then they spend the next 10 minutes

glazing the federal government government, right? Yeah, I really do, yeah. Check out the fucking helicopters these guys have got. It's cool, right? And these stupid cars that they're going to give us. Yeah.

And they meet Ava Mendez, who's obviously dressed in a ridiculous fucking outfit, but she's like, okay, we're going to drive to the bad guy's compound now, and she's going to ride with Paul Walker, and we get this exchange where Roman says, why does she get to ride with you? And she says,

you get the convertible. So it's like, women are trophies. Women are a reward you get for driving good. And it's like, okay, it's not, it's not okay to do that just because you write a female character saying it. Can we talk about... A normal car is, plus woman, is about the same as convertible car and no woman. So if you're going to math at home, write that down. The ideal is a important conversion unit.

And woman like Outrun. Drag racer car marks be like, hmm. But so can we talk about the stair and drive? because I was charmed by the stare and drive. The stair and drive is pretty good. Really? I get, it's like I was talking about on the previous bonus episode. If you're going fast enough, you can stop looking at the road because like,

yeah, the gyroscopic effect keeps you going straight. It's not that I'm charmed by the thing itself. I'm charmed by something that was later made cringe by Marvel movies, which is when you have two characters who have a known interaction that was like, you're going to do the thing that we share a name for, aren't you? And then he does the thing that they share a name for because they're buddies. So Ava Mendez is like, you know, are you, are you still like a real cop? What's the deal with this guy?

And he's like, you know, how do I know that I can trust you to be good at your job? And, you know, if you fucked up being undercover once, which I haven't. And he's like, check this shit out. I'm going to look at you instead of the road driving like 120 miles an hour. He's also not wearing a seatbelt. Yeah. And all of this is like, this is a technique known as foreshadowing when you know how poor Walker died. Yeah.

So he floats with him by like doing the kind of stare and drive. And then Roman pulls up alongside him and says like, oh, he did the stare and drive, right? I taught him that move and my note say, did these men explore each other's bodies? Did he teach him by doing it on him? Is this a gay history? They did. Yes, they did. That's textual, yes.

Yes. Yes. After they have the fight in the previous scene, when they're like lying on the ground just post fight, they're both like on their backs gasping for air with their legs intertwined. Yeah, yeah. Of course they've exploited each other off. Bilkins is watching. Absolutely. He's not even putting the popcorn down. So we drive to the mansion from Scarface. Or alternatively the mansion from GTA Vice City. Yeah. where the what's, what's his name? Carter Moron.

Carter, Verone I'm seeing here on that's that. Yeah. He's doing, he's doing kind of bond villain sort of aesthetics. He wants to be Robert Darvey. So bad.

I like this actor. Desperately, yeah. So, right. He's got his two bodyguards here who's a guy called Enrique, who's got this, like, great little mustache.

Yeah, he's played by a guy called Roberto. Sancho, who I see is wearing a kefia in his IMDB. Sick. Sick. Yeah. His two Cuban bodyguards, the Cuban thing will be briefly important later. Yeah.

And he's like, okay. Oh, there are a bunch of other, like, cool cars, like American muscle cars. Like, there's a Dodge Viper. There's a, like, a challenger and a charger and some shit like that. Yeah, the guys who drive them. One of whom looks like Timu Henry Rollins, but whom, but Roman calls, calls Fonzie because he's got the kind of like black t-shirt. It's Italian-American, yeah.

Oh, this guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. I specifically wrote down all of these other schmucks looks so unbelievably like gay porn actors, and I was thinking of that guy specifically as I wrote it. Yeah, kind of do. Two-foot filter, what are you doing? They establish some rivalry because Timu Henry Rollins is like, oh, that's a nice gay car for women,

because what do you get that need for speed underground? You should get a real car like this Dodge Challenger. which will be appearing later on. But they have to audition for this gig, right? So, Barone comes out and he's like, one of my Ferraris was impounded yesterday. It has an important package in the glove compartment. First team back with it gets the gig.

Yeah. Go, go, go. And so we get a chase scene. The detail I really like here, a small thing, is that almost all of the traffic on the highway and this is chasing, those cars are white to make the colors of the cars pop. Yeah, yeah.

It's really good. Smart. That's just good, like, good direction is what it is. Good filmmaking. Also, the trucker, natural enemy of the driver. Yes, as we've seen, a homicidal trucker. Same guy. He's a faction of truckers.

Yeah, they'll just agro around. Nothing. They'll see a fast car and they'll just kill you. And it's not their fault. It's because of Dom Torreto. Like, he just trained them to respond like that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he hardened the truckers, you know?

It's not about that. truckers, it's about the drivers. There was a very liberal form of trucking beforehand, but just... One of the other drivers fully gets crushed to death by a truck. It's fucked up. Yeah, it's like, what happened to the liberal trucker? It's like, you guys robbed

him. You hardened the truckers when you went in there for their CRTs. All the moderate truckers were killed years ago, there's no one left to negotiate this. A moderate truck is impossible. When you extracted their CRTs. You can't just impose moderate trucking. on them from the outside now, you know.

But so one of them... Trucks didn't fall off a coconut tree. One of them... They exist in the context of all that was robbed before them. So one of the cars tries to get in between two trucks and the truckers are just like, let's kill him. And they don't... They crush this guy.

They crush this guy. Yeah. Just fall off. Oh my God. And to be clear, the truckers never come up again in this movie. It's just like, they will kill you. Dead. You just get like a brief shot of two truckers like making eye contact and nodding at each other.

I love the trucker. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Full force, like, killer guy. Fast and Furious 3 has to infiltrate the trucks. Yeah. Brian, like, taunts the muscle car guys by driving backwards. He's also taunting Roman too and it's like flipping him off and stuff. They're having like a dick measuring contest as they drive.

That's the Brian O'Connor School of Driving, baby. At which point, Roman says to himself, he calls him a crazy-ass white boy, which further to this thing about being the white boy who can hang, in 2000, like, when was this? 2003. In 2003, that was the highest honor the African-American community could bestow on a white boy.

Oh, yeah. So this is like the wishful fulfillment. You get a medal, and everything. Yeah, I like that this is the scene where you're sort of your two characters, your POV characters here are like kind of getting to know each other and they're joshing around a little bit. Yeah,

and because it's a faster furious movie, they're doing it in cars by like driving kind of silly style at each other. It's kind of, it's cute. It's very heroic. We get, I guess, the least defensive comedy rastafarian we've seen so far in a movie as just a little like,

I don't know, they drive fast and really fast to go as bumble clat. Yeah, I say least offensive because that's a Bobar. It's like, I don't know. I'm not 100% sure about that. Then they drive into like a boat storage yard and they're just like, wait a second, this is boat storage.

Where's the cars? There's genuinely a line for Roma where he's just like, cars, where are the cars? Show me the cars. Every time the cars aren't on screen. Everyone should be saying this. Roman is alphabetical. You go B for boats, then C for C.

This is boats. I don't care about boats. Yeah. Where's the car? They beat the others there And in the way that it was Roman breaks the window of the Ferrari and Brian just opens it because it's unlocked

This is kind of giving Roman stands next to it and presses triangle is Yeah, I actually love that Because he takes his shirt off as well to break That he like they both get out of the car He takes his shirt off and wraps it round his fists And it's like, brother And then obviously they just open the car door

That's funny It's giving our beloved Ocean's 11 Mormon brothers It is, yeah. It is. And this is not the start. The next scene is the start of it, but now from this point onwards, basically, when I'm watching this movie, I'm just watching Roman Pierce and I'm seeing how he reacts to situations. Yes.

I don't care about this Brian O'Connor pedophile. I'm looking at Roman. So the one customs agent... I believe I've head candor's mildly autistic in the way that I am. Just I need that to be in. So, but all the rest of a joke so I make for the episode makes sense. We missed a bit, right? So the customs have like GPS tracking in their cars.

Yeah, they do. And when they find out that they're driving to the thing, the one older customs agent who looks kind of like Brian Cranston and the Malcolm in the middle years is like they're running because they're betraying us, we've got to go and kill them. And so that guy shows up and Roman shoots at him. Immediately. Let it bark just bam, bam.

We say, we use the phrase he does not hesitate to let it bark a lot. on this podcast, but he fucking does not. No, no, no, no, immediately, yeah. Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Rone is pulling out, he's pulling up the files on the various drivers and Googling them. And, like, this is a point where the movie

is clearly not made for the era of plausible HD streaming. No, because there's only, like, quick flashes of pictures and text on the screen, but as he's looking at Romans file, the text seems to have been pulled from the school report of a girl with ADHD ADHD because he uses,

she, her pronouns, is she has trouble with unstructured tasks and I'm like, where did you get this copy from, my guy? Okay. Instant lock-in on transmask Roman Pierce and that will not leave my mind until the end of this fucking series. I was, why is it that we watch a car movie

and we just decide that one of the car men is transgender? Dave threw me the red meat here with that, she, her shit. Is there something about the act of a man driving a car that makes him transgender? No, it's because we're like people in a fucking desert because these movies are so aggressively

uniformly heterosexual that we're just like God we need to invent some fucking gay people if gay people did not exist we would need to invent them this is a podcast

sort of crawling over the broken glass of this franchise in search of the car trans mask right like it's it's what we all want I think we can we can say that

like anyway yeah They get back to the compound with the package from the Ferrari. They hand it over. They get back to the company. Roman Pierce in this fucking scene is so, he's so hostile at all times to everyone.

While they're walking over to give the package to Carter, like Brian looks down at Monica Fuentes's ass. And Brova genuinely doesn't let this go at all. He's like, were you checking her out? And then like it transitions to them later on. he's still like staring across it, Brian. Just like, you were checking her out though. And Brian goes, shut up.

Don't tell me to shut up. You are the kind of autistic I am. You're locked in on a concept and you haven't let it go. Yeah. Like Monica comes over and he stares, daggers at her the whole time as well. Yeah, he's jealous. It's funny. Yeah.

It turns out the package just has a cigar in it because it was a test. Ha-ha. Yeah. For honest, like, this was, this was. like an audition for a job. He's like ostentatiously like cuts the cigar in front of them with like an expensive cigar cutter and he's like, I need you to do a the transporter movie. Yeah.

Right? I need you to move some shit and you don't know what it is from point A to point B and you're going to have like 15 minutes and then every cop in the world is going to be on you. You're going to have like a five star wanted level. So like do it and you'll get $500,000. Don't do it and I'll kill you. Yeah. He's like when you cross the finished iron,

get $10,000. And Roman, again, locks fully in and goes, 10,000 each, right? Which, the way you negotiate, right, is you lock in a concept in your own mind and you do not leave that concept ever. That's, that works. He goes, we're hungry. And he says, hungry, like, twice in this movie. I think that's just the accent.

But, yes. He said, no, no, it fucking isn't because Brian also imitates it later on. Yeah, that's part of the thing. is Brian also starts doing Roman's accent. He starts, yeah, he starts adapting by doing his accent. It's a little bit suspect. So they go to Ludacris's garage. Hold on.

One more Roman moment in this scene. He genuinely tries to steal the fucking cigar cutter on the way out as well and gets called on it. And then hands it over to him and goes, I figured you had like six of these things. It's pretty good. On the way out, Roman also tells him off. chaos being. Roman tells Paul Walker off because he's like,

you shouldn't check out Ava Mendez and he says the thing, verbatim, the thing that my personal train had once said to me, he's like, you're always getting in trouble over a female.

Don't call him that, you should call him that. You are a lesbian. That's a likely thing for you to do anyway. I'm like, so are you, man. So they go to Ludacris's garage where the mechanic is like, Customs GPS is like

hooked into all of your shit and I can't get it out of your cars. Also, these two... These two Cuban guys are like parked across the street watching you. Also, there's a bunch of sexy ladies having a jet ski race is sat dressing.

Yes. Of course. Yeah. So they need to try and get away from the bodyguards. Yeah. And what they do is they have Roman distract them by showing up

next to their car saying, hey, Elian and Fidel, which is that's why it's important that they're Cubans, is to be like, there's two Cuban people's names, I guess. Yeah. Elian, Elian Gonzalez and Phil Castro. You know, it's like pitching Spanish gibberish at them and sets their car on fine. He says, me gusto concha. I love pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Spanish and this is considerably more obscene and unsubtitled. Like, after he does this, they call him a manicone. Like, they call him a faggot. Yeah. It's like, I... It's crazy. Yeah, he sets fire to the car windshield. He does indeed, yeah.

Chaos being. Brian asks Ludacris if, if Roman can stay with him. Ludacris is like, what's wrong with your place? And Roman just responds, I don't want to stay with him. He's a pitiful. He's got bad habits. Yeah, like dating 16. Yeah, like being a paed.

So he stays with Ludicester. It's really good to be like, don't leave me in a room with this guy. Do not leave me in a room with this guy. Yeah, yeah. I will come in me. Yeah. Little Chris is wearing my Serpico hat in the scene, by the way. Yeah.

So the way they try and get around the GPS thing is the muscle car guy is from earlier. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's another scene in between. Oh, they have one more plucking scene. Yeah, they've got to go. Yes, they do. And it's important, too. They go and see the cops.

Yeah, like an abandoned pool or something. And the cops are really angry that Roman shot at them. Yeah, you're right. This is where we find out, but it's the actual, like, customs agent overviewing the case that was the guy who Roman shot at. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. this is where we find that out, because they're quite upset.

We suspect that Verone has local cops on the payroll. And the other thing that the boys identify is that like, Ava Mendez is sleeping with Veron. We don't think that she can necessarily be trusted, right? And I'm saying, Yeah, she might have flipped. That is what Paul Walker did in the previous movie. So women can't do spy cops shit now?

Why not? But men can. Apparently not. You've got to understand that sex is a thing that a man does to a woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it makes sense that you can do it someone and still be a spy cop but if you have it done to you you've completely like lost your uh your edge and this is so disgusting it's awful man but it sucks yeah so they're yelling at them about shooting uh roman is genuinely so angry that he's pacing and then he starts eating the customs

agents lunch again chaos being yeah it's pretty good he's my fucking boy this is when they go and get more cars yeah we gotta get more cars where we gotta get more cars where are the cars. Show me the cars. Unbeknownst to either now Verone or customs, they go to the like fucking Timu Henry Rollins guy and they're like, we will race you for your cars like in the last movie. And as they're doing this, Roman is like sort of trash talking them the whole time. And then as soon as they get out of earshot, Brian is like, yeah, we're fucked. We're completely on.

The thing that I really like here is that it is kind of the script writer talking, but in a way that I find charming, Brian just goes, we're going to have to pull something out of her ass on this one. So the deal is that like it's a, it's a car relay, like back and forth and the first team of two cars to finish the thing, they both win together and get the other team's cars. Yes. This is, of course, a kind of torture because one of the worst things in American can imagine a car having to do is turning. So they don't want them to have to go around like a thing at the end of the thing.

And the way they do this is it's actually quite good, unfortunately. The thing they pull out of their ass is quite good. I like it. I also like the evil car drivers because they're like visibly evil. The inside of their car is like dark, whereas the inside of everyone else's car is well-lid. Yeah, yeah. The villain car, yeah. Evil cars.

Paul Walker's only plan is just try hitting the nitro slightly later than we did before. This does not really work. what works is in the end he's so far behind when he starts he's going second but like Henry Rollins is like coming back towards the finish line and so Paul Walker just drives into his lane and plays car chicken with him

and forces him to like pull off the road and that was genuinely it's stupid but it got my attention it was good clever yeah yeah yeah and then he activates crazy ass white boy and he wins crazy ass white boy yeah and we get a great shot of the two guys with their astoundingly hot girlfriends, like, kind of hugging them.

Yeah. And they're both there and their big jeans, and it's just like, oh, those guys are going to have to walk home. Yeah, I've got to take the bus now. Just a bootcut gene cuff just whipping in the wind. Sadly, walking to the bus stop. Oh my God. The ultimate humiliation. For an American, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Public transport. He can't even drive. Oh, so Verona's invited them to the club as well. Yes, they go to the club after they. of this. They go to the club. In some real going to the club shirts. Yeah.

Really funny 2000s type shit. Once again, women are set dressing. Roman describes this room as a hoasis. Yeah. Paul Walker talks to Eva Mendes and he's like yelling in public at like talking in a club volume. Once I became a cop, people started getting mad at me for being a cop. Everyone's really mad at me because I'm a cop. It's like, yeah, dog, yeah, that happens.

It's actually the plot of Serpico as well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's like people, people get mad at you if you become a cop. Also, it turns out people don't like it. Yeah. It's kind of like, and anyway, I'm undercover now. What's it like being an undercover cop like me? Yeah, like you.

You're also an undercover police officer, aren't you, Ava Mendez? Shut the fuck off, shut the fuck off. It's like, I'm not technically an undercover cop. I'm just kind of like working for customs in the FBI and they've got my fucking arm behind my back. What are you up to? Like, you doing anything interesting? Yeah.

So we see Romans seeing this and being kind of disaffected, but then Veron invites them all to the VIP area. And he does some kind of in-cell psychology. Yeah, tell me, speak to me about this VIP area. I just want to talk about the VIP area for just a little bit. It's arranged in terms of squares, right? So it's three sofas, all of which are mustard yellow and the back extends, I want to say seven feet in the fucking air, arranged in a sort of horse shoe shape around a square table that has nine candles on it

and the whole room is paneled in blue and also lit with just like normal lights. It is the craziest setup I've ever seen for a room my entire life. None of a colours match. The whole space is fucked a piece. The Feng Shui is all out of whack, is what I'm saying. It's very much hitting the...

I don't know what's happening. It's very much hitting the... No, I used to be a piece of shit. like sketch. For real. Genuinely. He gives them some kind of in-cell psychology

because they're like watching the club and the guy who plays corrupted detective in every movie is a corrupt detective. Yeah. He's fucking good at it.

Mark Boone Jr. Yeah. Hell yeah. He knows what he's doing. And he's getting sort of like seduced by a woman and as he's sort of like looking at even

And as, Verona's like, yeah, it's crazy how all women are bitches who manipulate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His line is he says, women are a very powerful force. And it's just like, you can be one if you want to, man. Yeah. You could have that force. What if you were that force? He goes on the back room and he likes them down.

The force is strong in my family. He's got a cigar. And honestly, as far as Afa goes, he does this next scene. It's a Bond villain scene. It is a Bond villain scene. Very Bond soon. I think he does this better than some actual Bond villains. Yeah, it's a good performance.

I actually, this is quite an, you know, if you watch this a little too young, as I, as I did, this is quite an affecting scene that comes up. Because he's so deadpan most of the time. And then the only time we see him really come alive and enjoy himself is when he's torturing this guy. And then he's got a big smile in this place and he's happy about it. And it's like, oh, okay, this guy's a sadist. I got a problem with authority, especially with cops. And they all go through.

into another room and they're walking down this corridor that's all white and red with circles of like red lights and they're walking in slow motion, tense music, and they're going to this room and the blonde comes in with the sort of police character. Yeah, the corrupt

detective. And they do some bundle and shit. They tie him down to a table and they put a rat in an upturn bucket on his stomach and they say I'm going to heat this bucket with a blow torch and when the rat gets hot enough, it's only one way out, it's going to chew its way into your fucking guts.

Unless, on the day I specify, you give me a 15-minute window when all the cops pull back and aren't watching. Yeah. Pretty good. And he starts, like, blow-torching the top of the fucking, like, bucket. And this is a cop who's already corrupt and is already going to do what he wants, but it's just like, you are asking me to do something impossible and is just being tortured. And I think it's effective.

I think it's, like, kind of terrifying, right? It is, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Veron's loving this, too. He's having a great time. He goes, like, look, the rat's squeaking right now. That's fine. What you're going to want to start get scared is when he stops squeaking and gets to work. Yeah. And you hear in the middle of the scene the rat stops squeaking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's cool. It's good. It's just, oh. And like, obviously the detective, like, breaks and he's like, okay, I'll give you everything you want. But after doing this and after taking the sort of heat off of the bucket, he, like, flashes him, like, almost in the eyes with the like blow torch and just like kind of like almost like screams like

I'll burn your fucking eyes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's genuinely, it's scary. It's good. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good.

This is an uncontrollably like sadistic man. This is good. And you could do this scene completely untouched and it would be fine. But what makes this a movie directed by an author is that we get one extremely brief shot of the rat inside the bucket. Yeah, yeah. In like red, and they clearly had to set up like a process to get that shot.

And it's just, you wouldn't put the effort in to get that if you weren't trying. Yeah, it's fun. That's what I... That's why I like this movie, I think. Yeah. The rat. They really are going the extra. You like the rat. It's good. It's good. P.O.V., you are a rat in the bucket. Yeah. And so he, the, the detective, like, agrees to give him

the, like, 15-minute window. And then on the way out, Verona just grabs Eva Mendez by the neck and it's like if you ever look at another man again I'll kill you. Yeah, he kisses her first too and then says like yeah I'll kill you.

Sinister, it's good, it's a good scene. It's good scene. I'm playing the threat. I like it. So the boys go back to the fucking garage and then Ava Mendez comes to see Paul Walker and she's like after you do the job, they're going to kill you. And at this exact moment because this is happening in Paul Walker's

bedroom and he's got his shirt off. Roman walks in and he's just like, oh, I see how it is. You guys have been fucking shagging. Well, I'm jealous because I wanted to shag Paul Walker. And it's like, you are the wrong gender. He's a little old for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then the goons come by.

And they have to hide Evermendez in the bathroom and try and like delay the two goons. She also kisses Paul Walker, man. I don't say why. I haven't really established. Yeah, it's not clear. They don't have any chemistry. What she says to him very specifically is that when you deliver the money to the airstrip, they will kill you. Yes, yes, very true.

She drops that little little hint. And the whole, obviously Roman Pierce has stood outside trying to just like shoot the shit with the two goons would have come to try to find Monica. Just love him, just love him. He's just talking shit the whole time. Every conversation option. Any order doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me more about Cuba.

Just keep them going. Hmm. Where'd you go? Tell me more about that silk shirt. So, she escapes, but in the course of trying to get into the houseboat, the Cubans, like, one of them holds Roman at gunpoint, and Brian has to disarm the other and hold him at gunpoint. And he, in the course of doing this, he does yell, put the gun down in the most cop, he cop cadence possible to do it and it's like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a real giveaway. He moans like a cop. He moans like a cop. Yeah. He does moan like a cop. He does moan like a cop. And then Verone has to come and calm it all down. But afterwards, Roman and Brian are like, well, shit.

Like, obviously they're going to try and kill us as soon as we do this. And the cops don't really seem to be on our side either. But I tell you what, the thing they're asking us to transport is like big duffel bags full of money because Verone is fleeing the country with all the cash. So they're going to load us up with a big car boot full of money. money. Why don't we just fucking drive away? Like, I'll just get in one of those trucks and just go. I had a great life. I'll just get the hell out of here. My life was amazing. Yeah. And what I love about Brian is, Roman is like, what if we just took the money and Brian goes,

yeah, absolutely. That sounds great. Let's do that. Yeah. Like, no hesitation on it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's come in with further crimes. Yeah. They get the sort of garage crew of ludicrous, Devin Ayoki, and the mechanic who's name I don't remember to, like, rig up some shit for them to help. Like, you know, Like the plan sort of goes into motion and we don't know what it is yet, which is good. And I got very excited because one, because he suggests, can we get a bunch of nitrous together? I know my tank's already full, but is there anything left? It might get a bit crowded.

And I wrote, holy shit, am I going to do what I think they're doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in chain bonds? That just lays dormant for a little while here. I think I don't appreciate us that Suki, Devnaoki, is like, she's the one who does the her art. Yeah. I don't like that that had to be her doing that.

Yeah, I don't like that. And they also had a little chat about their backstory, Paul Walker's like, I'm sorry you went to jail, because blood. And Rome was like, first of all, stop talking about that. And secondly, I need to take personal responsibility for my own actions and pull myself up by my bootstraps. It was my fault that I went to jail because I was doing crimes. even though we're doing that again now.

Yeah. Yes. It also, one thing I do like is when Brian is like sort of mentions that the fucking, he let Dom go at the end of the last movie. Yeah. They actually, this is actually a legitimately good use of a sequel. It's just to contextualize that of like, yeah, I think I probably did that in, heart because I felt bad about you going to jail, right?

That makes sense that it's not something that you would bring up, but it's a good way of like complicating the thing. I approve of this. Yeah, it is pretty cool. It's good. No, I think it's good. I will say about this scene, it ends with a long fade as well, which they use a couple of times in this movie.

And I just, I just, I love the fade as a cinematic technique. It's just one of my, one of my favorites. Yeah. Only star wipes for me. Oh, I see. So on the day of the big gig, the boys and the go and they pick up a huge pile of cash. They go on a race wars. And then the detective, the corrupt detective, we see him do the brave thing.

And he like actually does send in the local cops. He's like, fuck it. I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah. So all of the team leaders are checking in. And I got to say to one of these team leaders. Team one. Hello, yes.

I know. Did that. Yeah. Clocky as hell. The gate. The gate. are you doing? I miss this.

This is this, I don't mean to out anybody here, but I know a stealth trans woman when I see one. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hell yeah. I just look and fan fucking-tastic. That's amazing. Fantastic.

But just wonderful to see. But yeah, no, everyone clocks in and we, they have, they've rolled up to this like trailer park and they start taking the money out of the wall. There's a really fun detail I like here, which is the two Cubans argue in Spanish because they're going to smash through a false wall with, like, sledgehammers, and there's a little, like, terrible, like, hitch painting on the wall, and the, like, bald one takes the painting off first, and the other one is, like, giving him a hard time about it. That's a really beautiful Enrique character moment from two first of furious.

I was like, nice, good. I want to give him a Cronstein rosette for, like, art appreciation. Yeah. I actually love Enrique. Yeah, so do I. But so the cops. parade the place. That was much.

Yeah. And they sort of each have to escape. So each of them has one Cuban in their car and a bunch of money in the back. And we get... Both Cubans in the passenger seat. Yes. Note this, listeners. Yeah.

I note here that this is... Okay, this is a great chase, right? For two reasons. Yeah, it's cool. One, we get a really impressive helicopter stunt. This is fucking sick. I love this chase. Yeah.

Where they like... hover a helicopter over the front of the, like, uh, cars going really low, sideways, like moving laterally and fire the fucking car pg at Paul Walker's car. That's cool. But also, this is a certified one million cop cars chase. Yes. They're, yes. They're moving like the UN in a fucking Lupin movie.

I love it. I fucking love it. Once you get enough of them together, there's a kind of specific gravity thing happens where cop cars become a liquid Yes, yes It's this, weirdly this is a I think that otherwise kind of of mid-movie, the like

bad guys does in animation, like, just like multiple sort of cop bubbles and they do a number of shots that like are just the gigantic cop car crash from Blues Brothers. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Multiple of those. It's great. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Sally and Job stuff. Yeah, Paul, Paul realizes that the, the, uh, the Carpito hasn't quite fucking fired off. Yeah, Paul Walker.

Paul, Paul, the Carpito. The carpido. Fuck. Yes. All right. Paul, the Carpito Walker. He realizes that it hasn't quite gone off.

And he activates crazy white boy mode. Yeah. And goes like, Enrique, can you fucking hold the steering wheel for me? I'm going to reach out of the passenger side window. and pull this off of my car. Enrique is a sensitive man and does not know how to drive. He says, I can't drive.

He does fully won over by this. Like, legitimately so. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, that he has to like escape, like he said, deactivate the thing and like throw it off the thing. But then... He throws it at a different car and it fucking gets them. At a cop car and it does the...

Yeah. Great. Again. So they drive into a garage and the cops surround it and then a million cars all all drama all burst out yeah it's good fun yeah really but yeah all the cop cars around it and like there's this long pause and we see all of the different factions that are like overwatching this or all their computers we've got bilkins there and it's like what are they fucking planning and then you have and 10 000 conservatively like a fucking trillion of these god damn racing cars all come out erupt like a sneeze it's fantastic ludicrous devon ioki there's so much this would have taken so

batch planning. Yeah, it's cool. It's incredible. It's amazing. And when they finally run down the two cars they were in, they switched him and it's, it's suki and ludicrous.

Because like, and let me fucking tell you, none of these goddamn cars are on the computer. Yeah, they're all cars. Yeah. Like, it's just like a hundred fucking cars in this car chase.

It's fantastic. It must have been a fun day. It's politically, it's so fascinating as well because it creates a kind of non-violent street racer insurgency that overweller The police.

Yeah. Like, it's in service of a heist, in service of, in service of, like, the Italian job. Fantastic. Detail that I really like, there is one lonely PT cruiser amidst all of these cars. Yeah. Just everybody shows up. The philosophy tube cruiser? Yeah.

And so, as they're driving, like, you see the Cubans are like earnestly, like, on board with this. They're like, oh, man, you guys are really fucking good drivers. Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're a great driver, man. it's good fun, yeah. Because they're in the muscle cars now. Yeah. And so... At this point, Roman is like, I'll tell you what, if you're like that, you're going to fucking love this.

We've got one more trick left. A film called Gold finger. Gold fucking finger. Yeah. Yeah. It's a shame that he's racist about it. Yeah, yeah, because Roman pushes the button and says ejecto sito, which is my least favorite Harry Potter universe spell.

and he shoots a Cuban down an embankment He just fires him off It's a sideways ejection seat Not vertical Sideways, yes Out Blows the door off and then Really good

I love that shit Yeah No fantastic However in the other car Before Brian can trigger the The ejecto Sito Expelliamus Right he Like the guy tells him

Don't go to the airstrip Get off at this other exit instead Yeah He's like I thought we were going to the airstrip and he's like, who said anything about that? Yeah, this does require the kind of demeanor to change here, by the way, which I don't necessarily like. His demeanor does change, which is fucked up because I was really all in on him when he was

having a good time in the car. Yeah. That's the power of the fucking Carpito is that he is a crazy ass white boy. He is, he really can affect you in that way. Like, we're not all like immune to it. But like at the air strip, there's like the private jet and like all of the customs guys have amassed, by the way as well. I don't think we mentioned it, but they're all just ready to go in when they get that. And all the SWAT stuff.

Yeah. But that's a diversion because poor walk of the carpido, they drive to a marina and that's where Verone is waiting. And he's like, ah, well, I just got the call saying that all the cops are outside the airfield. I only told one person that we were leaving via an airfield and it was you. Eva Mendez. And he says, put her on the boat

and they take away and might not say I would have just killed her, but okay. Yeah, I mean, so he also tells them to kill Paul Walker, but when he does, he's like, put him back in the car and drive him down the road. His beloved car will be his grave. Just drive him like 10 feet down the road. Back in the car where he's strongest.

Yeah. And also, they take him back to where he started. So it's like literally taking him to a primary location. His power grows in that point. It's like Enrique, put this crazy ass white boy in his car and then ice him.

Yeah, it's not going to happen, brother. And let him drive. It's like the silver server with his board. You've got to separate him from the car. And let him drive. So, yeah. Which is so great. Right, Enrique can't drive.

What's he going to do? Sit in the passenger seat of his car and menace him for a bit. Yeah. But obviously, Paul is like, oh, I got a fucking trick for you in the passenger seat. Shizam! And it doesn't work. He's just sat there like a dickhead.

Roman has figured out where he's going. And I don't like that he calls Ivam Andes, Monica, Brian's woman. But... Yeah, again, I want to love this movie, but every so often it throws something at me, but I'm just like, don't do that. Don't do that. Learns the situation

and comes to his rescue. Yeah, so... Enrique and Paul Walker are having a fight. I want a second Cronstein-Roseat to be awarded to Enrique, because when he's about to kill him. He's like, yeah, I feel bad because I like you and everything, but, you know, end of the road. And I'm like, you were sitting on that one the whole time. You've been thinking, you got it like three days ago. I'll say end of the road. Well, so a question I had is

he does attack the driver of the vehicle he's in because he actually bites Paul Walker as well. Does it count as a technical constee if the vehicle is stationary at the time? Three cronsteins, one for the painting, one for the line and one technical one. Yeah, you only get like, he's definitely, yeah, he's definitely, like, making sure he's getting it

by, like, giving a very lackluster attack of the vehicle that he's in, even though the vehicle was parked and turned off at the time. Please find a good photo of Enrique from Too Fast, Too Furious, and Photoshop three little Cronstein rosettes.

Oh my God, hang on, I'm writing that down in our group chat so I can make that the episode art. Multiple-decorated. I think he survives too. I love a good goon. I think he survives because this is what I'm here. This is why I wanted to do this series.

I'm like, oh, thank God. Because they don't kill him. They just can have a kick him a bunch and then run away. Yeah, yeah. Because he like earned his honor. They kick him so many times. There's so many shot, reverse shots of like him getting kicked and them kicking him. It's like, might be death proof.

I don't have a context for this. but Gwen told me to say this, knowing that Devin would get it. She says they are kicking him like a gift from Jojo. I don't know what that means. Neither do I am afraid. All right. Well, it's pretty good, though, if you do get it. Yeah.

Okay. He gets, I guess, arrested. They're kicking him like Gwen kicks you so much. Yeah, it's true. Roman actually pulls Brian off him a little bit by the end. Yeah, well, they're being asked to leave the party at that stage. It's like, no, no, this is consensual. But so Verona's is like escaping on the yacht with Eva Mendez.

And they have to chase me down. And Roman's like, are you about to do some crazy ass white boy shit? And Paul Walker's just like, buckle up, dukes of hazard time. Crazy ass white boy. He's been charging his like crazy ass white boy moment meter and is now about to like fire it off, ramps the like Dodge Challenger or whatever the fuck it is, onto the yacht, liking the transporter too. My notes say, no airbags, steel frame, let's die, let's meet up and fucking die.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no airbags go off, yeah. Yeah, it's like so fucking funny, but they just like hit this shit and no airbags go off. And it's just like, and they're both just back going, ow, oh my God. As far as I know, because we don't see Roberto the other Cuban again, I'm pretty certain he's under this car. No, he got ejected outside. No, no, he got ejected into the fucking keys somewhere. He's okay.

He survived. He's totally fine. He got ejected into the Florida Keys and probably eaten by alligators. Yeah. Him and Enrique are okay. They're going to come back in Fast Fieries 9. I really hope so. I really, really hope so.

But so they... He shoots Veron and then Ava Mendes gets to hold Varon at gunpoint because she's escaped on her own which I like as a kind of last minute like she's not just helpless Roman does say don't drop the soap

which I don't like Yeah, prison rape joke do not throw the no time you made it so far Yeah Also you've been to prison dude you know what that They hand over all the money

Roman does kind of taunt Verone He's like That guy's never getting out of prison right he is 100% getting out of prison like Brian has to hit him with the that guy is getting out of prison in a later movie stare

Yeah it's pretty good problem It's just like he's not getting out right It's like no he is brother Yeah he definitely is And our fucking customs guy Wander's over and goes Is this is this all of the fucking money These three bags and are like 100%

100% So are we done Are we like free and easy Our records expunged or whatever and he goes, you kept up your side of the bargain, I'll keep up mine. Yeah. Roman goes and gets three more bags

and he's like, that was six. Both. Personal growth. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, we only gave you half the money. And then as they're leaving, they're like, okay, we have to become heterosexual life partners together and open a garage.

Despite the fact that our friend who saved our lives owns a garage. We've got to start competing with ludicrous. And the way we're going to do that is we kept a bunch of the money. We got the red. They've got to roll up their shirts. They've got shitloads of racks in their fucking waistband. Fantastic.

That's why you need all the room in those jeans. Can we talk about how good the credits are? And then it goes to the credits, which are fucking awesome. It's just, it's just BF, it's just fucking midnight club shit. It's literally just like PS2 fucking cars with the like 2003 ass CG where they just figured out how to make it. it kind of reflect something. I'm trying to like insert coins into my TV so I can start playing the game that this is.

It's sort of a computer dramatization of sort of each of the races in the thing in turn. It's actually between, weirdly enough, it's between the original race in the movie. It's like Paul Walker's silver and blue car and fucking orange Julius from right at the start. But again, all of the credits are reflecting off of the cars as they're driving.

It's beautiful. I have a way of tying this all together. You know how I mentioned that I thought the baseline of this genre of movie that I thought was better than this was Bad Boys 2? Yes.

So much like how, for a while in Vienna in the 1910s, Stalin, Hitler, and Freud all lived within a block of each other. They were filming Bad Boys 2. Now, those were some crazy ass white boys. It's true.

Bad Boys 2 was filmed at the sun. same time as this at the, on the other side of the state park they were filming this from. Really? Yeah. So sick. There was some kind of like zone going on in filmmaking at that point, you know? By the way, the one equivalent of that is Minneapolis.

Like, that's where all of the shit is happening. It is. Yeah. So, like, autumn 2002 at Bill Bags, Cape Florida State Park, there was something in the air. Like it was a historical moment It was a zeitgeist And that's the movie That's too fast, too furious, baby

Too fast, too furious I love it I loved it sorry The first one was Was fine Right This one really grabbed me I had so much fun with this one

This felt like Like partially it's like Tyrese Gibson is like really really good He's really good performance in this As Warren Pierce Yeah It just it's a better

script, it's a way better direction. It's got, like, I don't want to let it off on the flaws, right? Because these are flaws we would hammer it on for, if it were a James Bond movie, I'd be like, it is fucked up what they'd do with Ava Mendoza's character, right? She exists to be sexually imperiled, right? And they try and give her some like

girl power over the top of it and that fucking sucks. Right? But I don't know. It has a kind of source to it that I, it's, it's probably that. I finally figured out what I was going to I'm gonna say. It reminds me of like a Tim Dalton James Bond specifically. Yes, you're right. It does. It does have that kind of energy to it.

It's good. You've got you've got goons. You know, you've got a guy who's not really that well drawn out and he's got a planned at something and it doesn't matter. He's just kind of menacing. What does this movie say about masculinity? I think it says a lot about white masculinity, which is which is that if you are cool enough, you're actually allowed to use AVEE. Right? You're allowed to do. It says that the bigger the shorts, the closer to God. Yes, it does. It does. Paul Walker spends most of this movie. I didn't mention this in a West Coast Customs T-shirt size XXL and like really long shorts. Yeah, you're going to be sweating so much, man.

The traditional U.S. in huge clothes, yeah. I guess it says like, well, men can be bros in a nice, wholesome way, but you do have to objectify women, which is a shame. Absolutely. You've got to dig in on this. like concept that the exact same thing that Paul Walker did in the previous movie to ingratiate himself Monica Fuentes does in this movie and she's damned for it. It sort of establishes that you can have an alternative urban street racing subculture that is like

has an ambiguous relationship with the cops as well. Yeah. Because you kind of need that to write this script. It ends up being like, yeah, it's okay too. have been a cop. It's okay to kind of be a cop if they make you. Um, to be a kind of cop janissary. You know, you got conscripted by them. Um, when did this movie come out? 2003. Oh, right. So like, no. So 9-11 has not yet filtered into the kind of culture of movie making yet. That's why the movie's like this. Apparently not. Yeah, we're not all in on the kind

of patriotism. It's not, it's not fully hitting the like, it's about family thing. Yeah. But it is, it is about male friendship, right? Which is something you establish with car. Yes. Because some of that is sexual kind of rivalry, some of it is car. And those two things get folded

together. It absolutely does the like, the car is your dick. Oh yeah. Yes, absolutely, the car is your dick. That's why I don't have a car? I don't even know how to drive. We don't have to just talk about dicks and cars subjectively, though. We can in fact raise this movie scientifically.

We have a science-based system. in this podcast. It's called the scum system. It stands for smam. Cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny. On a scale of zero to seven, how smami is too fast, too furious. It does get up there. Ejecto Cito?

Yeah, I think it's going to be a five or a six. That's the Brian O'Connor School of Driving, baby. Yeah. I think. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a lot of lines like that. And again, it predates much Marvel stuff.

So a lot of the like, did you just X, like, kind of passes without a ton of notice, but now that you're going back and watching it, you notice lines like that. But I can't really mark it down for that because it wasn't in the cultural Uber at the time. Yeah, I would say six, but I don't, it's not as obnoxious about that as some other sixes. Yeah, that's true. It's a kind of a soft six, if you follow me. Cultural sensitivity. It's not a big fan of Cubans.

No, it's not. It's not, I mean, so it has an interesting thing where like all of the antagonist to Latino and like it, like, yes, that is fascinating because it's Miami, right? Yeah, which I think tries to like offset with Ava Mendez and does not wholly succeed. Yeah, they're also made fun of for being Latino a lot as well. Yeah. I don't know, it does suggest that a key part of masculinity is being part of a, multi-racial friend group. Like, you have to be, you have to be, like a friend group should look like it should include both ludicrous, like, Devin Ayoki, and Tyrese Gibson, if you are a white boy.

Which, sure, I guess that's progressive. I don't know, I'm sort of, I'm banging my head off of this one, because I, it's sort of... It's hard to actually put into a direct, like, number. I don't like that it does make fun of that. the Latino characters a lot on that basis. It's certainly, it's more than two to begin with, because it's not, people are color in the movie. It's not nice, yeah.

But it's also like, it's idea of inclusion includes a lot of what I would think of as appropriative. Yes. How do we feel about a four? I'm between a three and a four. Yeah. I'd, I'd go three, I guess. I think three maybe, because like, nothing springs to my, right?

No lines apart for, like, one or two made me like suck air in. basically. Yeah. Well, remember, cultural and sensitivity also includes homophobia. And we do have that person rape. But I don't believe homophobia from these people because they're so gay. I do believe it. Okay.

Let's go four then. Yeah, I think it's a four. Okay. Unprovoked violence. So weirdly, Brian does not kill anyone in this movie. He doesn't, no. But he doesn't show any sort of like abiding grief over having killed that guy last movie either. That's true.

He did kill a man. That's kind of you just wash your hands of it, but we can't really, can we judge that movie for the other movies transgressions. I don't think we can, uh, we gotta take them all this. I think in, in that case, it's got to be, it's got to be really low. Like, um, it's a thing about using guile and friendship to work your way out of your problems. Like, shooting a guy out of the, like, ejecto Cito is, is like, innovative. The scramble is innovative and non-violent. It's specifically non-lethal.

Like, they shoot that guy into, like, just the Miami Keys. Like, he just gets out of the water. We see him do it. And he's just not in the movie again. He's fine. He's 100% fine. Brian shoots Ferone, but it's, like, 100% provoked. And it's non-lethal as well.

Like, he just shoots him in the, like, a shoulder or something, and then he gets arrested. Yeah. He's out. He's going out of his way to avoid violence. It's true. He's arrested at the end of the movie, which is surprising, actually. And he's, like, shown to be. getting patched up by the medics, just giving them the deaths.

They're like, I'm gonna fucking get you in a later movie. Even, even like setting the Cuban guy's car on fire is like, that's a distraction. It doesn't harm them even. It's, I've seen more violent episodes. It reminds me of like burn notice in some ways. Yeah. Yeah, I think we've got to go to like one. Yeah, cool.

And finally, misogyny. Now, there we go. Sorry to say, I'm afraid women still are not people. I think the set dressing problem is worse. We have an explicit double standard with regards to like sleeping with the enemy stuff. And Ava Mendes is still like a trophy. I think it is worse than the previous one. I agree.

What did we give the previous one? Previous one was a six. I think it's a seven. Got to go up to a seven, yeah. I agree. I don't think we're into like an eight or a nine zone, but I do think it's a seven. No, but yeah, seven. I think it's fair.

In that case, that gives it a total score of 18. Then the first one was 12, so we have taken a bit of a jump. But at the same time, I still have a soft spot. my heart for this movie. Curiously, because it's a better movie than the first one. It's just a barely worse one. Would you believe it's the same as point break? How does this compare with like a Dawson Bond, is my question?

I feel like it's about the same thing. Also, by the way, just to be clear, I'm 100% serious. Three Cronstein rosettes for him. Yeah, 100%. Which were the Dalton Bond's living daylights and license to kill? License to Kill and... Oh my God, the one before. Living Daylights.

So Living Daylights was a 17 and licensed a kill was a 21. So it's pretty much bang in the middle of the Dalton Bond Man. Yeah, this is the lost third Dalton. Yeah. We are. We are scientists. Yeah, we are. Yes.

Yes. We are. This is good. I feel really good about this. I cannot wait for the next movie. I also desperately want to see Roman Pierce across from Don Torrello in a scene. Yes. To be clear.

The next movie is where we start fucking. with the chronology because they realized they wrapped up the ending too well. The next movie is Tokyo Drift. And let me tell you, we have multiple people fighting to guest on that. And I might just say yes to all of them and see what happens. I actually think that would be really funny. And also for everyone in the audience, shut the fuck. Yes, obviously Victoria's going to be on one of these.

Do you think we're stupid? She's one of the people fighting to be on the next episode. She is. Yeah. She'll probably be on it. Of course she won't. And I can't wait for it. Yes.

Yeah. So listen to that. Subscribe to our Patreon. We just did the first sex. We got some really good shit on the Patreon right now. And then we're about to... Abby, go on. What are all about to do?

We are about to do a movie called The Assignment, which is a movie in which a hit man is forcibly surgically transformed into a woman played by Michelle Rodriguez and goes on a forced femme rampage of revenge. I've not seen. it but one of the hogs on blues guys said it to me and I was like oh yeah we got to watch the the transgender hit woman video I read I read that and I also saw a picture of Michelle Rodriguez in like the sort of fake boy makeup and I we're watching this movie fuck yeah I didn't realize it was the same match on both sides that rules

for things I do for work subscribe to the Patreon it is such a delight and we will see you next time bye everyone bye listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next episode in two weeks' time is, as far as I can tell, a roundtable discussion of Bast and a Furious 3 Tokyo Drift. But if that is simply too long for you to wait, and why wouldn't it be? You can head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com slash kill James Bond,

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