Kill James Bond! - S4E35: Fast & Furious 6

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

Unbelieveably, they manage to get even faster ----- Check out friend of the show Mattie's new book Simplicity here, or wherever fine graphic novels are sold! ----- FREE PALESTINE - With the ceasefire in full effect, the media has returned to ignoring the daily atrocities in Gaza. My friend Ahmed still needs to feed his family and afford medicine. Anything you can kick in would be hugely appreciated. https://chuffed.org/project/150817-please-help-ahmed-and-his-family-get-food-drink-and-medicine And these are some more general links you can support collective efforts with! -The Palestinian Communist Youth Union is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app account

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Fond. I am November Kelly. I am joined, as always, by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. Calabonga. Back at it again with fast six. The fast of yours is will continue until morale improved. And faster and faster.

You must be joking. This one is okay. It's not. It's not. I think it's the first one that's getting better. No. It's better than five. But that's what I'll give it.

I'm suffering on these quite badly, I would say. We're deep into the minds on this one. And I think knowing, like having watched them all basically back to back, having gone from, this is about street racing. We're now in the sort of bloat phase. Yeah, these were not designed to be watched like one a week. They were decided to watch them every three years. And once you see them every week, it's like, oh, man.

And this is, this is universal deciding, okay, well, there's. a lot of money in this sort of car bullshit, but there's a ceiling, right? It can't just be car bullshit. This has to be everything bullshit that includes cars. And this is the same kind of thing that makes the sort of like MCU the way it is, right? It's the kind of... Yeah, this is a very MCU movie. It's like Avengers with Cars. Yeah. Yeah, it's sort of much more extractive. It's much more kind of, as I say, bloated, right? There's actually a couple of moments where they seem pretty insecure about the Marvel Cinematic Universe because they like make reference.

to it. Like at one point someone called somebody Iron Man and like they call the rock Thor at one point

it's like oh I think you guys would just have a bit of a complex about this. Yeah. Yeah they're thinking about it

because this was 2013 that this came out and when was Avengers assembled? The other thing about this movie is it's called

Fast 6 for a while it was almost Fast 6 7 because they wanted 2012 was the Avengers Yeah so like

following up from like sort of directly after The sort of the inciting incident of the MCU being like, yeah, this is the future and we're getting mugged here. But they wanted to film this back to back with Fast 7, which would have made it, what, like a five-hour movie? Like, that's the Brutalist at that point. This is Furious Six, right?

Drag racing all the time. Yeah, which would have improved the Brutalist, I think. Which actually complain. They're barely drag racing. Yes. They don't even want a drag race anymore. They hardly touch a car in this movie. It's crazy.

But so we pick up with Dom Toreso, Ben Diesel, and Brian O'Connor, Paul Walker, pedophile, finally getting their street race head to head again. And we're really, it's Justin Linder acting again. but in a really kind of lacking self-confidence way which means that it falls really heavily on trying to establish like series trademarks like there are so many shots in this first sequence alone

of Brian O'Connor's stupid-ass converse hitting the accelerator pedal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really like, we're back for another one. Just like, here we go again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the Fast and the Furious. And it really, I don't know,

Maybe if you're a fan of the series, you're excited by this. I am sort of Googling most painful methods of suicide already. You're going to put yourself into the mindset of somebody who hasn't seen one of these films in three years. He's like, going in, they've got their popcorn and their nachos, and then it's an American cinema, so there's somebody bringing you a drink. And then you're like, yeah, what the fuck is this movie about again? Let me just sort of engage my burger-shaped brain. It's like, oh, okay, okay, yeah, right, we're back, right. It's the one with the, he's a paedophile, he wears converse.

Okay, cool, yeah. Whereas we're just like, we know, get on with it. Having gotten away with the heist in Brazil in Fast 5, they're now retired, right, in the sort of sunlit, no extradition treaty country. Canary islands? Yeah, sure. They're in the canary islands, yeah.

And they're rushing along by racing over these like twisty mountain roads because they're going to the birth of Brian's child. I would show up earlier. Personally, I wouldn't be, I would plan my day so that I didn't have to race to that, you Yeah, I'd have been the last few days, bro. Be with my girlfriend, the mother of my child at some point before. Yeah, what was he off doing? I mean, I guess just racing, just hanging out racing.

Don't worry. I'm sure there's like a deuterocanonical movie we are going to be forced to watch that explains exactly what he and Dom were doing that they had to race to the birth of his child. Well, I don't think Paul Walker's going to be in that movie. I wasted my time with the bandolieros before the fucking fourth one. just I'm not doing your semi-canon shit again. Elena from the last movie, The Brazilian Ex-Cop, she's also here.

She's Vin Diesel's girlfriend now. Yeah. Yay. So they race to this monastery where Mia's giving birth. And then as Brian's about to go in, Vin Diesel's like, hey, now that you're a father,

we're out of the life. Even though we already are. We're not going to do a fast and furious movie. Yeah. I think you will. It grabs it on the shoulderings. Like, Marty Supreme.T

Fatherhood changes you, right? Not that he would know because he's not father, but he's like, no, it's different because of family. Yeah, he... Yeah, he isn't, is he? No, he's not. He is the father figure of the entire family.

Yes. And that will very much become clear. Mia, meanwhile, is in the room that you flash back to your dead wife being in? She's just, it's all fucking white and diaphanous fabrics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's in their wife

room. They wife her so badly in this fucking movie. Oh my God, they wipe her so much. She's so, she's 100% wiped. This is like posting photos of like, uh, like still set photos of Mia from like the first couple of movies like Iran before the revolution, right? Like they used to let this woman do stuff. They saw her drive.

Like, yeah. Yeah. We get a credit sequence, which is like a previously on Fast and Furious. It literally sucks up the entire fucking show. Which like shows us all the movies that have come so far just to give us like it. We didn't need to have watched those five films. It also doesn't tell you anything because it's just like, okay, there's some guys with cars. And it also serves to highlight the fact that both of our protagonists are kind of looking a little bit old now.

They're very quite sloppy now. I remember when Paul Walker had good hair? Yeah, two chains and Wiz Khalifa sort of mine all the previous movies for us. And we roll back all the B-roll, which is just kind of insulting at this point. We had some like cool credit sequences. We had the PS2 graphics. And now it's just like, I just throw some fucking B-roll over it. Like whatever.

of it. You remember Fast and Furious, right? It also spoils the plot twist, where it's like, by the way, Michelle Rodriguez is in this movie, so not dead then, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whenever anyone, you know how we say, like, don't get attached when, you know, a character is about to get killed off?

Anyone appears for even a second in a Fast and Furious movie. Get attached. Get attached. They aren't dying. It is like Dragon Balls E. Like, they're gonna summon the Dragon Balls and wish Michelle Rodriguez back. Like, Fast 9, they go to Namik. I was going to say it's like, it's like that, it's like the MCU, it's like quicksand, right?

Once you get into this, you don't get out ever. Oh no, I would hate to be in a movie franchise that's really successful and makes loads of money and everybody has fun making. Yeah, okay, sure, sure, granted. It does seem like it's fun to make the movies. Yeah. I don't know, if you ever wanted to make a non-fast and furious movie, though, then you're in trouble because you are booked for cars bullshit. And the car's bullshit is going to do some shit like, oh, we're going to fire you out of a trebushe and break both of your ACLs or whatever.

No, they don't. They do that to your stunt double. And like, oh, also, as an actor, I hate being booked. I hate that. Paul Walker tore his ACL doing this. They will kill you. He's just old. That's true.

He got the Biden injury when he got out of a car too fast. He tore the ACLU. They, what? Yeah. I fucking got branded. Aren't there those people who like do human rights legal cases? Well, the other thing is, if you are an actor, all that you have to do is stand around vaguely in the background of like half of the scenes anyway.

It's just, you get your several million. They put you into the widest jeans. Oh my God, they do this thing to Galgado again where she's just like in the scene and has no lines. I'm like, oh, come on. Gina Carrano is in this movie and about halfway through, I just started riding down what she did in every scene. She doesn't fucking ever do anything. She gets a couple of sick fights, and then the rest of the time she's just like, woman.

Just like says something. Anyway, anyway. So we go to Moscow, first of all. We go to the Rock. The famous Westminster Bridge district of Moscow. Yes. Yeah, I really thought this was in London as well. It's actually filmed in Glasgow.

The whole thing was filmed in Glasgow for London and Moscow. We are looking at like Thames House and Milbank, right? Like, because a heist has gone down in. Russia, right. And this convoy has been hijacked. You know, the trucks have been attacked once again. Some Fast and Furious shit has clearly gone on that. Yeah, someone has like thrown a, like flipped a car through the front of MI5's building.

And Moscow intelligence. The Russians have, I guess, invited the Rock to consult on this as we find out because he parks. This is an interesting moment, by the way. And this is one of the only times I'll get sort of. car-pilled about this, right, and have a sort of car detail for us. But the rock's sort of armored car thing is a, it's a resvani, right? Which is the kind of, it created its own market in this movie by being the chud-armored car. It's kind of a proto-cyber truck in that they sold a lot of them to people who are like, I will get like acid-attack, knife-crimed by MS.

if I'm driving around outside without something that will crush any car it brushes up against. Oh, this is one of the ugliest looking vehicles in the entire world. Yeah, going back to the same mine as the like Hummer, right, but it's sort of built from scratch. It's a Rizvani tank, I believe.

Oh, yeah, I've seen a TikTok of a, like a mum, like an American mum influencer show and her Resvani. Yeah, this is another reason why society is worse as to Rock has one of these because they thought it would look cool. but so...

It looks cool for The Rock to have it. It looks weird for Caitlin to have it, you know, in fucking Des Moines. We can't have the Rock rolling up in a mini Cooper. It would be ridiculous. See that... No, I take it back at me really funny. You're like to the scene in a Mini Cooper. So getting out of it and it's like...

It's also because the Rock is a wrestler and who is playing an action figure here. Like, it makes sense in the kind of like fantasy environment. But like, as we've seen the current, like, current year is kind of blending fantasy and reality. want to see. Anyway, he's there. And as stated, Gina Carano is in this movie. And she's his Elena for this one. This is his, like, assistant.

I brought my female chads. Yeah, this is my girl chad. And they do the exact same thing again where he just describes to her that she was like, top of her class in wherever the fuck. And she goes, definitely. Yeah, retifile in cop school. And that's how we know. Top cop. Two dicks, ten out of ten a star

in Greenac. Hey, if you're half as good in person as you are on paper, you might have my job. And he calls a woman. He calls a woman throughout. Gina Carano as woman. A woman I chiefly remember for her tweet that begins, I didn't fumble the bag.

Oh, that's this person. That's Gina Carano. Yeah, she's the one. I knew there was something, but I like, yeah. Yeah. Two anti-woke during the Mandalorian and lost out on her Disney Plus, like, dedicated series. This is the way you can get out of the quicksand is by taking a sort of far right

to turn. Right. She's currently doing shit like playing Secret Service agents in the sort of Daily Wire Hit Pie's movie about Hunter Biden so MMA about

against Ronda Rousey as well like it's very much this is what's going on to cis women calling each other trannies and then throwing

elbow strikes fantastic but so let them fight the rock is like some kind of cool truck heist has gone down here

and I'm like sitting in my seat like damn would have loved to have seen it yeah that'd be cool yeah there's only

one crew in the world that can pull this off and Gina Carrano's one role in the scene is to say to the Rock, I just got word they captured one of the guys. Yeah. They're holding him at UCL Senate House, which is Russian Interpol headquarters. In Moscow, in London and Glasgow, yeah.

It's incredible accents on the residents of Moscow, London, Glasgow. But the Rock turns up and he's like, Gina Carrano's like, I got you five minutes with this guy. He's like, I only need two. And like, every single one of the Rock's lines in this, in this movie is like some fucking move. It's all this. Like,

it's like, later on he's like, you want to catch wolves? You gotta, you gotta need wolves. And it's like, A, you don't, right?

No, you don't. I'm being like, do you have any dialogue that a normal person would say? He was not. The smarm score on the room is all given to him his dialogue and he sells it. One of the funnier things here

is casting a guy who looks exactly like Vin Diesel for like 270 degrees around his body. Yeah, because that's, That's Vin Diesel's standing. That's his body double.

Until you get to the front, right? Because they fake you out of this. If you're making a movie starring videos, you need like five of these guys, so they had them on deck. There, they've got a fake Vin Diesel who's in the holding cell. Just so you're like, oh my God, was it Vin Diesel's guys that did the heist?

And maybe they got Vin Diesel, but no, it's a British guy. It's not Dominic Touretto. This is Subonic fucking Cornetto, right? Like, this is his like, you know, stunt devil, as we say. British Dom Torado Yeah It's about family He's got a strong English accent

And that really did excite me For the prospect of the movie Yeah Oh don't worry Two and a half hours later We'll get back to that feeling Yeah Yeah yeah

So because the Russians Are like such sticklers For legality and process And human rights Right Gina Carrano Has to like Watch with some Russian guy

As the Rock Just beats the ever-loving shit out this guy. Yeah, and this is explicitly mentioned as being illegal. The guys are, I have rights and the guy outside, the Russian guy's like, he has rights, you can't do this, and they're just like, we don't care. We're Americans. Yeah, they say, not today

you don't have rights. Yeah, this is a kind of threshold that we across with the rock, like, fucking extrajudicially shooting a guy in the last movie, and now we're going to be continuing to do this forever. From Gina to, because one of, there's like another guy in the observation

room for the interrogation room who's like, can he, like, is that legal? And Gina goes, no, but do you want to be the one that goes in and tells them not to do it? Cool. Which is very much like a just, no, but it's, yeah, it is against the law, but this guy, he's cool, so he gets to do it. The chud do as they wish and the woke sufferers, we must, you know? Indeed, indeed. But so he gets the information out of him, right?

We don't see the information yet. They're looking for a guy named Shaw. Shore. He's the guy who did this heist, and we learned that Shaw's in London. George Bernard Shaw, he's in London. Okay. But he gets this information that we don't know yet. And then we go back to Dom, who is in bed with Elena, gets up, like, works.

Melgay's style. She's draped over him. He gets up and works on the engine he has just out on the patio, which is sort of adorable to me as a dad-coded thing if it's a shit patio. But in this case, it's the kind of, like, you know, luxury terrace in the Canary Islands. So I'm less interested. And the rock shows up, right? because also, not to be like

the rock is the sort of font of everything that's evil in the world because of these movies with the Rezvani tank, but he did also kind of invent the kind of Fed who wears under armor base layers to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really noticeable that he's wearing an under armor shirt and it's so fucking tight.

This is the kind of transition between your Fed is a sort of like Mormon suit and tie motherfucker who is like slipping LSD to you. and your Fed is a guy wearing under armor who shoots you in the head for no reason. Just like houses Creighton all the time, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Which I also do, but it's cool when I do it. Yeah, I would think so because you're not a federal agent.

That's the key difference, I would say. Of course not. But so we're setting a thief to catch a thief. A sentiment which the Rock expresses in a dumb way of setting a wolf to catch a wolf. Yes. Yeah, which you wouldn't do. The wolves would just hang out. probably like yeah exactly the wolf doesn't have the capacity to understand that you want the wolf to

hunt the other wolf you know how are you training forces yeah they're gonna have sex absolutely two wolves there are two wolves inside you wolf sex yeah yeah yeah crazy hell yeah yeah by the way the canary is obviously do have an extradition treaty yeah of course they do yeah obviously just like everywhere else that they say doesn't have an extradition treaty throughout the course of these movies like fucking goa and to kore but he's like you're gonna you're gonna want to work for me because when you're going to see this, right? And he says, he's actually going to beg me to come.

And I wrote, interesting. Yeah, I would have got that as a drop had my mixer not, again, exploded. My mixer, my mixer currently looks like Paul Walker's car. Like, it's not good. Yes. The Roadcaster Pro 2, don't buy it. Mine, I can't get onto either. Anti-endorsement from Kill James Bond.

Roadcaster Pro 2, do not buy. Fuck the roadcaster. Go XLR. Just the most fascinating movie in existence, the movie that makes us want to talk about firmware updates that bricked our mixes instead of it. Yeah, go. Yeah, he's like, he's going to be begging me to come,

you know, as his keyholder or whatever. Oh, yeah. When he sees this photo of. Michelle Rodriguez. It's Michelle Rodriguez. Yeah. Who died just like three movies ago. Yeah.

Yeah. And Don looks at this and go. I was, oh, I didn't know any transition. Good for him. Like, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Like, that was his whole backstory.

Oh, yeah. Remember from the assignment? Yeah. But she's better be dead. And so it's like, oh, that's crazy. And so Elena comes out onto the patio and says to Vin Diesel and also establishes something that happens many times throughout the film is that like, you might think that Elena now dating Vin Diesel might have some feelings about him running off doing something

A, dangerous and B involving his ex-girlfriend. But Elaine is immediately just like, no, you should go. She's like, I will bow out of your life graciously. I get it. So little like a character that I actually almost didn't recognize her for a minute. And I can't imagine seeing these like a year apart. Who's this? It's like, who?

What? And again, we reach the theme of the franchise which is like, women exist for men. Yes. Women just completely remove themselves and get out of men's way in this movie. It's fucking bananas. But anyway, we've got to go to London. We're going to bring the whole family. We've got to catch George Bernard Shaw.

Yeah, you remember Fast Five, we did that sort of putting the band back together montage where they were all doing fun, whimsical things that kind of did a bit of character work for them, and then they all got interrupted by Don calling them back together. Yeah, that again. And like literally, you press the control key, you press the C key, you press the V key. It is very, very easy to do. It's functionally these are the same. Like, Roman Pierce is back.

He's on a private jet or whatever. Like, I don't. Yeah, it's with four models. We do some more women as prop shit Roman's on a private jet with four models Ludacris is on ass island with lots of women in bikinis Roman's fucking

Like he's with four models And he goes You've never seen Macau Until you've seen it through my eyes You're about to have the time of your life And one of the models goes No You are

And they all laugh And sort of like toast their little Martini glasses together The ludicrous one is a little bit worth talking about Because he does He's driving this Ferrari right And some guys go hey, money has changed you.

And what he does then is hack an ATM to spray notes at women in bikinis to, I guess, end that conversation as well, I guess. Yeah, this is a fascinating piece of ideology. It's like if anyone ever tells you that, you know, your sort of your lifestyle, that the money has changed you, that you're switching up on your day ones, right? that the correct answer is just a kind of supreme money gun at them until it stops being an issue,

which... I've got to start telling more people they've sold out. Yeah, yeah. Supreme money gun, yeah. Just like, oh, yeah, I've changed. Well, how about thousands of pounds? Great, actually, you haven't changed you, but you're all good, actually, thank you, yeah. Yeah, fair enough, man.

I guess. It's kind of a bit of a moral void here, I guess. Give me $200. This ludicrous I have so many ludicrous is no fun whatsoever to look at or watch at all throughout the entire movie

and this annoys me to no end because it's fucking ludicrous He was in the previous ones And this one he's just like In the first one he's in He was like the heart of it really Like he was really energetic He was winning like

He got my heart He was winning every scene he was in But everyone's old Everyone's old now Watch chopped Yeah They're all bold Hahn and Gisela

Inching closer to Tokyo They're in China at this point Which is closer than they've yet been Yeah And of course they get interrupted By the cops Yeah And what they do is they do a kind of like

Couples gun carter Yeah To remind us that like Galgado's character Giselaesha Her thing is that she's got guns And she's like cool with them Yeah I mean I do hate when I'm doing

Gun Carter with my girlfriend And then I have to call into work Like what do you think me and Gwen We're just doing you know I believe that I believe that I see very strongly Yeah every day But so the cops are like

No no no you have You have to get on the Microsoft team's call With Dom Teretto And sort of weirdly unmute yourself And say no nothing for me Like no nothing to say We're missing Don Omar and Tago Calderon They aren't going to be in this one

They're like What happened to those two guys It's like they're not available They're going to be in this movie Yeah So if you watch the Deutero canonical movie The real answer to that is that When you bring actors back for the sequel

You have to pay them more And that means that your core cast has to get smaller That's the real answer to that So they just think of that's the fact There's a lot of facts on this movie Is the problem So next we go to Brian And he and Dom

Are trying to sort of gently fight over his newborn son. This is... It's one of the most newborn son scenes I've ever seen in my entire life as well because it's like gentle guitar music in the background. They're sat on the lawn with the baby between them just sort of like saying things at it,

which I do understand is what you have to do for the first couple months because they're not like sentient or anything. They're just sort of look at stuff that you put in front of them. But he's showing him like a model of like the classic Brian O'Connor car and being like, you want one of these? you love a little Brian Oconica and then Dom Toreto shows up in Hans, a little tiny die-cast model

of the iconic BDS Dodge Challenger. Just explaining to like a small child. This is my iconic BDS Dodge Challenge. I got flipped like 50 times in the air in this thing. I almost died. I've had like six of these, I think. I don't know. Also, Mia is like present, right?

But functionally, these are like two car dads. arguing about what their son, what type of car guy, he's going to grow up to be. Yeah, that gay son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, Dom's like, we need to talk. And then Mia just like, okay, and like picks up the baby and leaves the scene.

Because woman, Mia, she just exits the scene. Functionally, she's their surrogate slash nanny. Yeah. She's not actually the one. She's all in, like, soft focus. Yeah, she's not like, hey, my brother, Dom Torretto, good to see you, haven't seen you in some time.

We are related and have known each other our entire life. It's just like, good to see a baby woman. I'll take care of this, I guess, because it's not old enough to drive yet, so we don't care about it. She's in, like, soft focus, like floral dress. They've tradwifed this woman. It's so fucked up. And her role is legitimately to go, okay, go and do the rest of the movie, bye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys go have a heart to heart about your life. I'll take the baby and go inside. Yeah. Just not be in the scene. Because Dom's like, you've got to come and do the plot of Faster Fury is sick. So Paul Walker's like, yeah, okay, sick, whatever. like, uh, Letty, we've got to go rescue Michelle Rodriguez. And then you'd think Mia would have some fucking feelings about this.

Like, hey, A, don't leave me to do all the childcare with the fucking newborn. B, don't put yourself in danger of death or being arrested again for my crazy brother. But she's just like, yeah, cool, go on, be safe. I'll stay here and do literally 100% of the fucking childcare. I'll just do all of it. Also, in this scene, right, where they have the heart to heart, it is crazy how old Vindiesel looks. And he's an old man There's the thing about this, right, is he's an old man in this

But this could almost be endearing in the sense that they are letting him look at I know there's another 27,000 movies in which he doesn't Right like I know he'll get suspiciously younger To get to continue being in these movies Universal just picked him up by his bald ass head And installed him in a vat of plastic surgery goo or some kind of fucking whole-to tank from Star Wars

to be like, no, you have to de-age, right? Before every movie, someone's just grabbing a hold of like his skin on his back and just get it and then just tying it off. And be like, all right, film the scene, film the scene. This was the last time anyone involved in this movie looked like a normal human. It's crazy.

And it's going to get worse. I know that it is. Yeah. But so they go to London. Hell yeah. Yeah. They go to where? They're going to where?

I'm happy. Sorry, we go to... London. London, which is going about a color grading in Mexico. London, Mexico, Glasgow, Moscow, yeah. Edinburgh, LA. God knows. Vicky, Katrina, Barcelona, or whatever.

Yeah. So they get gathered together by The Rock. Gina Carano's girl chat is so fucking funny. I'm watching her the whole time because she's doing sort of like the Rock's walk and stand Yeah Yeah Yeah

She's like This is like his mini-meat She's learning how to be the rock Yeah It's like a very I can only describe As like a kind of Steroid gate

Right The pebble Yeah Yeah It's so fucking So we get some Backstory on George Bernard Shaw

The Rock's like He's ex-SAS He wrote Pygmalion And Man and Superman Celebrated Playwright He's an expert in vehicular warfare turned criminal And they're stealing components for a big bad super weapon Don't fucking worry about it

We're not going to get there anyway He was in some kind of a unit and ludicrous His name is Tejansmoo So something like Oh damn that unit is the truth Vehicular Warfare Top level or something I can do some autism for this

The unit that I'm talking about is the SAS's Mobility Truth Right Which is a real thing So, like, each of their, like, the troops have, like, a specialty, and there is one that's cars, right? There's a cars unit. And so they've genuinely found an interesting little detail to mine to be like, oh, this guy,

this guy is like the kind of the cars warrior, you know? He's cars, Colonel Kurtz. Yeah. He knows about Road War. They don't really do anything interesting with that, but they could have done. And it's, I don't know. It's kind of worth a remark out. SAS mobility unit do.

They're great a pressing triangle next to cars. Basically. Do you want to drive like across like 500 miles of desert to like go and shoot a bunch of civilians? Those are your guys, right? Okay, okay. Less interesting, I suppose. Yeah, I guess someone has to, has to do it.

I'd rather than. I kind of hope that nobody does, yeah. But like I guess that that unit has to exist for the imperial state to function as it does. So it's kind of cool to put that in the movie. Yeah. Okay. This is one of those scenes where Galgado is just like in the scene.

There's no lines. And I feel like legit feel sorry for her that she's just like teaposing in the back. Just no lines. Here's the thing. It's not that I'm saying there shouldn't be any women in the movie. I'm just saying these two specific women shouldn't be in the movie and better ones should be. And they should be given something to do. With this big of a cast, this is true of everyone.

Like if you locked in on like, say, Roman Pierce in this movie, right? He spends 70% of it doing fuck all, right? It's very much like, and they even do the Avengers thing of kind of dividing the tasks for a kind of workflow that makes sense for a writer where it's like vision. They do actually, yeah. Vision, you distract fucking, you know, sure, so we can get the PowerCube. But first they have to watch the Brits fuck up, right, which I do approve of. Yes. So they've got Shaw.

He's in a building. sight, I don't know. Yeah. And we get to see British cops. British tactical cops, because we're getting chud with it more and more all the time. You know, the era of infinitely respourning cop cars is about to end because we've got to be like, no, every

British cop has like an MP5, you know? Every cop life is precious also in this movie, which wasn't the case in Rio, but in London, every cop is precious. This is true, although we'll see how that plays out in practice, right? But so the deal is, they're going to send in the guy that the Rock beat the shit out of.

Finn Diesel's stunt double, yeah. Wearing a wire, and he's going to identify short, and when he does, they're going to swoop in and arrest him, right? The family are watching all this through binoculars from, like, a higher location, and at no point is anyone say, damn, Dom, like, that guy looks exactly like you from the rear three orders. Isn't that nuts? Like, fucking. Dom, is that you?

Oh, shit, no, that's crazy. They do ask, why aren't we doing this? And The Rock says to establish stakes and act what? No, he says, because we weren't invited, right? which when were they? He just showed up in Brazil like... Yeah, and Moscow.

Yeah. Just stupid line just to end that bit. Yeah, this scene, the movie does this quite a lot where it will correctly point out the problems with the script and then give like a hand wave. And all that serves to do is remind you about the problems and let you know that they're aware of them too. It's like, what, huh?

I'll highlight this a little later on on a scene that annoyed the fuck out of me. but we meet our villain Yeah and it's the first time the franchise is really kind of like nailed a villain because I like Shaw as a villain it's Luke Evans and he's actually giving it some fucking juice Yeah he's giving it some fucking sauce

Wail finally strikes the fucking Fast and Furious franchise he's from Port Talbot He's got the classic Port Talbot accent Yeah he does have a sexy accent Just like Anthony Hopkins and Michael Sheen and fucking Catherine Zeta Jones The one town that just generates actors genuine and they all sound exactly like this

yeah that's why Britain has the Mexico filter because as we know from the Zorro movies Wales is Mexico Oh yeah Wales is Mexico Yeah so obviously he has he has made this guy as being

as like wearing a wire But the guy identifies him And and short plays this off And he's like don't worry about it I'm just going to get into this extremely cool like armored F1 car With a big ramp With a big wedge on it

Like robot wars It's like a kind of like F1 Batmobile. It's very cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's a cool car. I like it. Yeah.

You've got to have one for your fucking cars movie. Yeah, good villain. Good villain car. Yeah. Throws the guy sort of hold on. It's like, there's your payment. There's a little something extra explosive in there for you. It's really going to blow up bombs.

It's the most like, obviously you're dead. Yeah. Obviously what's in his going to kill you. The cops run in. What are you back? The cops run in. And of course, as he sort of, of fires up the F1 car. He, like, detonates the bomb and the hall door, drives out. Yeah.

He does. It blows up the whole building and then, like, bains the guys, right? Yeah, he does. I just think this as a reverse bane in that he, like, uh, collapses every cop in town into the tunnels. Yeah. But what he does, like, blow up every, like, armed police guy in London, like, all of them, which is, that's, that's bad. Meanwhile, now we get the purpose. for the purpose for them not going in is so that they can be free to learn that alarms have just gone off

at Interpol headquarters, so this must have been a distraction and we need to scramble our boys towards Interpol. They made all the cops go out of the building so they could go into the building. So they could go in. The B team reach Interpol headquarters and then Shores dudes open fire at them. Han and Galgado take cover behind a red postbox,

which we have in London. I didn't know those were bulletproof. Yeah, it turns out. I guess they are. Yeah. I don't think they are. I would not trust my life to Royal Mail. I don't trust my fucking male to Royal Mail.

Very passing sort of Good Night Cross for there is one shot of a, like a British cop just deciding to pop off and fire an MP5 out of the window of a moving car. I love that, yeah. You go a bit hot firest with it. British cop going, okay. He's like, oh, Fast and Furious movie. He wants to be in the American crew, yeah. There's a brief part.

There's a brief part of this chase scene where where Shaw is just using the ramp on the front of his car to roll cop cars at them like Donkey Kong. He's got like a super spatula like, but doing, it's cool. He just sends like three down the road at them. Also, there's quite a few bits where the rock, right, just drives over those cop cars, squishing cops, presumably.

And we get a bit where he's like, sorry about that, boys. Yes, yes, yeah. Does it say that to the Brazilian? cops? No, but this is the tier of allies, right, that you can be of America, is you can be the kind where we can come to your country and we kill a bunch of you, or we can be the kind

where we come to your country, kill a bunch of you, but say, sorry, kind of sarcastically. Also, they don't even do that anymore. I think this is weirdly the most honest film made about America's relationship to Britain. Now they just rock up, but like, fill my B2, fill my B2, it's defensive.

You're like, oh, okay, boss. Yeah. Fucking. So as they're sort of like in this gunfight outside Interpol, they discover that the heist crew has another one of these cars with a woman. Oh, I hope she's a character. She looks a lot like Elena as well, which is kind of going to get confusing. Yeah.

They get the cars. They chase in the cars. That's most of the movie. Yeah. If you remember from Fast 3, the car PG, the thing. Yes. The car PG was in Fast 2. Yes.

The thing that you fire at a car to like fuck up it shit. It was a trident. Yeah. The electric psychedelic pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Roman gets taken out. Yeah, the car full of muscle, which includes Joe Taslim.

Love that guy. From the Raid. Yeah, yeah. I was so excited to see Joe. I was like, oh, thank God. I hope he gets to do stuff. From the Raid, too. Yeah.

This is a movie made for YouTube clips. So, or like, TikTok shorts. It is. It is. Like, he gets a TikTok short's worth of stuff to do in this movie. But so, yeah, they fucking car p-G everyone. They flip over Paul Walker's car, which historically has not gone well for him. And then a mysterious dodge joins in the chase and slams into Vin Diesel.

And as Shaw is getting away, the rock does a thing where he jumps onto Shaw's car and then falls off. Yeah, a really cool move that lasts for like a second. Yeah. Dom and this dodge pull over. And it's Letty. She gets out. Dom's like, oh shit, Letty, you're alive. She shoots him.

Yeah, cool. And I go, oh, she's going to have, like, perfectly, like, non-lethaly shot him because she's being, like, coerced or, like, she can't. Oh, yeah. Point, point out. Point of American chauvinism about the British. In this chase scene, I've just seen it, all of the cars go around, around about, and then the rock just drives directly.

Okay, that is pretty good. That's funny. Pretty good. So we get a scene with the gang back together where they're like, oh shit, that was crazy what happened. Because this movie does kind of conform to a later Netflix standard of movie making where it's like, you ought to do the thing and say the thing. You have to, yeah. Don does self-surgery to remove the round and I'm like, I don't know you could do that. My favorite part of this is where Ludacris goes, this is crazy.

This isn't like Brazil. This isn't what we do. But it literally is. but every movie it's going to be every movie going forward also one of the dynamics that the movie thinks is fun

is banter between uh tesh ludicris and Roman Pierce yeah this is what they get reduced to unfortunately but they wrote one joke for it

which is that Roman Pierce has a big forehead and then they go back to that honestly one of the smallest foreheads in the room yeah I don't want to it's a room of very bald men

it's the thing it's almost everyone in the family is bald in a way that's really funny. If you're bald, it's not even, your forehead kind of goes all the way up and round. Like, it's like,

why make fun of it? He hasn't done any hair. Like, it's all the head. That's the point. It's forehead, all those, like 360.

Yeah. Dom issues the kind of fatwa on Lessie. Dom, yeah, Dom shows that he is car Jesus before turning the other cheek harder than anyone ever with the line. Family is family.

It does it, you don't turn your back on family, even if they have. Yeah. Which is not, I would say, necessarily a great... I don't know that for less, really. No, no. Also, if somebody shot me in the front, I wouldn't turn my back on them either, you know?

Yeah, it's just sensible. You need to stay in these kind of family relationships, even when they, for instance, shoot you is... Well, I think about Roman, women understander has a line that's just like, generally when a woman shoots you, that's a good sign to back the fuck off. I would say so. That's kind of...

And I agree with that. Affirmative opposite of consent, you know? Yeah. Affirmative dissent. Yeah, very good. Also, this is the movie where like the meme starts to take hold because like every line that they have between each other in the base is using the wood family. It's like it's comical how often they're like, family.

You could do a super cut of every mention of family in this movie. It would be like 20 minutes long. The rock gets a line which is verbatim and I should have got this as a drop had my mix and not exploded. Don't make me go over there and make you team pussy. which what? No, Ledy says that

later on to someone Oh, you're right I wrote that down because of how obviously she's experienced being put onto team put onto team

before. Right, the reason why this happens is we get kind of matched scenes of the two We do, we do families learning about each other

We meet the evil family Lettie rolls up there's a guy right by the door whose name is ivory get attached to ivory Yeah She says, Hi, Ivory

and his one line is no problem treacle with regards to... It's a real Mitchell checking the perimeter moment we love ivory Ledy likes ivory a lot more than everyone else does

always in our hearts ivory you know RIP gone too soon how do we feel about the counter family I liked that the movie was like

because everyone in the Famboli family has a sort of like opposite like a negative double which I liked until the movie explicitly pointed it out which Roman does in the following

seen. I'm like, it was better when it was just implied. In fact, they do this in a really interesting way because as the real family are learning about the evil family, Ludacus says, hey Brian, you're like this woman. You're the, you're the this woman, right? That goes me, that goes you, that goes, that goes this other guy,

and you're this woman. So, I don't know what I feel about this to be like. He just runs down the line and like the matchups are uncomfortably racial in his mouth. Yes. When he's like, this guy's just like me because he's black. That guy's just like you because he's like in this one he's Asian

so Han that's gonna be you and it's like don't do that don't do that in the movie first of all no and don't have it pointed out if you do do it in the movie I think I think this thing about like the kind of narrative structure of good family sort of like

corresponding opposite number family was done better by Sean of the Dead I think it was yeah it was but I do like the implication here that the inverse Vin Diesel was that guy from earlier who was Vin Diesel stunt double that they just also had a fucking bin So they also are like

We got car PGGed So we're gonna need old cars That can't get car PG because they don't have any like Electronic controls Yeah yeah yeah So we're gonna send Ludacris and the Rock To like a car

Set A event A car car party Rich, rich car party Rich car party This is where we get women's asses A set dressing But Brackets Posh

British edition? Yes. So these women don't have their midrifts out, but they're just wearing like nice cocktail dresses. All legs. Yeah. Yeah. And so they get a little bit of banter. And here's just something else that I noticed.

This movie is getting, this franchise rather, is getting both more misogynist and meaner as it ages, right? Yes, it really is. Ludacris explains the concept of owning a car to the rock. And he's like, owning a car is like being married, except, and this is verbatim, with cars when you trade up, they don't take half your shit. Fuck. What's up?

Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh, my God. Yeah. Remember when you had a girlfriend? Remember when you were in a relationship, like a nice relationship? What happened to that? No.

He traded up. It's such an authentic thing of like talking to sort of like a man of a certain age who will just be quite nice and then just let drop the most virulent misogyn you can imagine about his like bitch ex-wife. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah. You just dehumanized half of the people that there are, brother. Yeah. Okay. You better not walk under that half of the sky anymore if you know what's good for you.

That's what I'm fucking saying, bro. They hold up half the sky. You can see the seeds of our current sort of like in-cell Reich here. Yeah. Just being sort of like smuggled in. But so they're about to like buy the cars. And then we have to suffer a crime against the British people, right? Yeah, a character from Johnny English fucking walks into this.

He does. He does. Like if you made C. 3PO a human, some kind of like catty, British, gay guy who's also racist? That is so on the nose, yeah. I love the idea of racist C3PO as well.

He's fluent in over 6 million forms of communication and could say slurs in all of them. He's taught Lazenby from Man from Hong Kong. He's learned your language so he can call you some kind of an Ewok slur that rules. Yeah, he walks up on these two and he goes, he assumes that they're,

kitchen help, which is insane because both of them are massive, eh? Yeah. And then says, obviously you've got no bitches. You've got no honeies, shit like this, out the both of them. And like, the movie is just so, it's so like, oh, we're going to teach this snobby Brit a lesson. Also, this is not the way British people are racist. British people are racist usually in like a plausibly deniable way. This is a posh British.

Yeah, this is a guy, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm still laughing at racist C3PO. And now I'm realizing that the reason R2D2 beeps is because it's all just the word. Yeah, I thought it was first off that that guy has a shorter rounder friend who is like so racist. They have to like censor all of his lines. But so under the provocation of, I also like that I said a racist British gay guy as if that was an impossible combination of traits to exist. No, no. But they're racist British gay guys. But they're not in this mode.

of being racist. This is very, very... Yeah, but so racist C3PO provokes them and the rock is like, you're gonna steal these cars, aren't you, ludicrous? I'm a cop, I can't let you steal these cars. And Ludacris is like, I'm not allowed to steal the cars.

I'm gonna do something epic. I'm gonna do something completely different, the likes of which you've never seen before. Yeah, I'm gonna give this guy a loads of money. Yeah. Great. That's what I'm showing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We do later find out that the way that he owns this guy

just buying all of the cars. Yeah, we'll talk about that. We'll talk about it. Across town. We get to a scene. All right, so they've sent Team 2 out to go and find out some stuff about the... Where the Batmobiles were made. Who made the Batmobiles?

That's how we'll find it. So we've got Hahn, we've got Roman, we've got Giselle, and we've got Gina Carrano, who I never bothered to learn the name of the car. Chudlina or whatever. Yeah, they got Chudlina. And they're looking at this guy who's just shooting half a lot of... approons across like a sort of train yard. Dockland's warehouse, yeah.

They go and see him. He's the guy who made the Batmobiles. Let's go in and get him. And then Gargado and Gino are like, oh, you're forgetting one thing. He's a man so we can use sex appeal. Okay, but here's a problem, right? Some men are gay. Some men are asexual.

Some men simply aren't attracted to anorexic war criminals. But they go in with the full confidence that he is just going to like just open up. And so... 2013, it was a lot less common to not be attracted to anorexic war criminals, though. Yeah, that's weirdly, but it's true. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?

Yeah. It was a sick society. Yeah, they're like, we'll use sex appeal on him and just kind of like walk over to him? It still is, but it was too. Also, they don't do that? No. They just walk up to him and they're like, can you tell us about the Batmobiles? And he's like, why would I do that?

And then they beat him up. And it's like, well, okay. They try to use sex with people But they don't have enough points in charisma Yes like Squarebrook is a woman voice Tell me about the Batmobile Um So

Fuck I just realized I haven't been talking A woman voice this whole time Um So shit God damn Welcome to Kill James Bond Welcome to Kill James Bond Um

But so They kick the shit out of him And Roman and Han are looking at this Going Damn that's really hot It's hot when they do that and it just

yeah also Roman makes fun of Han because he's like oh you want to marry Gargado he says you don't want to release this model you want to buy

and I'm like fuck you women are cars like a car also I have to say Gina Carrano flipping this guy looks like the

deaged beating in the Irishman like she's I've not seen the issue she's like moving so old

It's like... That's crazy. Maybe it's just... Maybe she just didn't warm up or something because like... She's not normally... She's pretty good at this stuff. Some of the fight scenes in this are like legit, really good.

This one... Yeah, there's some great fight scenes with Ledi later on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So across town again, Brian gives Dom a tip on the gun, right? Where he's like, hey, it's crazy. Britain, nobody has guns. The only...

There's only one guy who sells guns. and he's in next location. The gun that shot you, yeah. He does say in the midst of this, I was a cop for a lot of years, which, no, you weren't. You've been doing this. That's not true.

Yeah. He says I was a cop like three times throughout the course of this movie. He's like, when I started being a cop, my girlfriend wasn't even born. They go to like a porn shop and they beat up various of geese. It's also quite lethargicly.

They don't learn anything by doing this. No, no. They just beat up some British people yet. Yeah, they learned that Letty likes race. from this. Yeah. She didn't... Oh yeah,

it was bought by a brown-haired woman who likes racing. That's like awesome. They beat up like three geesees for this. Also, this is where we pay off ludicrous buying the cars because he humiliates British, like human C3-Pio by going,

hey, I like your shirt. And like, I want to give it to The Rock. Can you take off your shirt? He like makes him undress and give him his clothes and his watch. But like, here's the thing. right, I'm looking at the cars. They've bought like six or seven cars

for like infinity money. If you're making commission on all of those, then it's like... He's so fine. Yeah, sure, man. You're going to roll back my foreskin as well? Like, what else do you want from me here? Yeah.

Like, I'll cough, whatever. Yeah. And incidentally, we get a two second shot of the watch, which is a car left Buchera, which, okay, sure, whatever. Yeah, which Ludacris does wear throughout the entire rest of the movie. That's the origin of his iconic watch, by the way.

If you started watching in the next couple of movies, and you're like, I wonder why I've got that watch from. So we've got to chase them down to next location. Well, because back at the docklands where they're beating up this guy, some goons arrive led by Lettie, and they let it bark. They open fire, so we get a kind of gunfight fight scene. Chase that runs into the tube. Yeah, RIP, because Gargado shoots fucking ivory.

R&P Ivory Ivory. And also, as the skeezy guy is dying, he says, Kenneth Brana to Galgadoo.

And it's like, oh shit. He always cast himself and his own adaptations. Kenneth Brana. Yeah. Kenneth Brana. I did that too.

That's fine. You're about to do that. For some reason, Gina Carrano is like such a charisma vacuum that I'm actively bored watching two women fight each other,

which is unprecedented. I disagree. Like, this fight scene between Lettie and me being bored. I disagree that the fight scene is, because this fight scene is like, It's really good.

It's like really well shot. And like a lot of the fight scenes of this are like good as well. Yeah, I didn't mind this fight scene. It's cool. Like, yeah. The way this ends up splitting out is they split out and chase each other. So Han and Roman go after Joe Tusson. That's the fight scene I'm locked in.

Which is a good. That is just straightforwardly good. He like fucks up some cops first. He's one of the penchacks, Salat boys. He fucking hits every load bearing surface on Roman's body. It's wonderful. He hits the shit out of some cops. And it's like, yeah.

She's doing combos, right? It's great. He does the like jumping punch thing that like... Oh, yeah, I went back to the jumping punch. Oh, yeah. You want to edit like a lion roar over it. Fantastic. Yeah.

Yes. And that's intercut with the other fight scene, which is Gina Carrano has caught up with Michelle Rodriguez, Letty, and they're having a fight, which is pretty good. Like, it's in a tight space. There's a bit where Lettie is using like handcuffs, like knuckle dusters, which was relatively sick.

Yeah, it's cool. It's creative. really hurt your hand. Well, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Unless he gets away. The bad guys get away because they can beat the shit out of the good guys, which I'm like, okay.

And we see that the evil family are evil because Shaw does not mourn the death of ivory, right? He's like, oh no, ivory dies. Fuck! Sorry, we all remember ivory and his iconic line. Or a treacle. Okay, treacle. Yeah. Yeah.

Me and me when I'm asked to grade the treacle I'm eating. Sorry. Okay, treacle. Shut up Oh fuck They could have done it of a Liles factory It's only just down the road from you They don't give a shit

But Lennie is upset about Letty's like Yeah Like Owen Shaw goes like That's a shame It just goes like Oh well

Or somewhere like that And Liddy's like Oh is that how you're going to eulogize me When I die as well It's a shame you've got amnesia Oh also Lennie has amnesia by the way, that's why she's because we've got to imagine this. And we've done that in and actually where he comes in and goes,

you know, I really like you. Ever since I found you in the hospital with amnesia. Yeah. Ever since I'm Metal Gear Solid 5th you. Best possible explanation. Like no coercion, no like character conflict, just amnesia. Love it. Every single time a fucking rider goes, fuck it.

Amnesia plot. An angel gets its wings. Honest to God. It's some all my circuits shit. She doesn't remember. You know what this is, though. It's not all my circuits to me. so much as it's wrestling, right?

This is a wrestling plot to explain a heel turn. It is, it is. It may as well be the kind of like magic powder getting blown in your face, right? And this movie, this franchise even, has gotten so much more wrestling aligned since the rock started being in them, right? I don't want to lay it at his door necessarily,

but it's like correlation, I think. But so, yeah. Brian has to go to jail in the US undercover. Yeah, yeah. Because Kenneth Branagh, the villain from like the third or fourth movie, he's somehow involved in this, but he's in prison in LA, so we've got to go there. By the way, you might think, oh, Galgado, she worked for Kenneth Branagh.

Does she maybe have some, like, internal conflict or some thoughts about the fact that her old boss and former employer is now revealed as a villain? Is she maybe going to be involved in the plot to find out what's going on there? Nope. These are great questions. Nope. She's just like, criminal boss. No thoughts about it at all.

Yeah. This guy used to be my old boss. Anyway, yeah, so Brian, Brian, Brian goes up to Dom in this scene and, like,

leans in front of him with, like, his hands clasped before him and goes, let me go and make this right. Let me go to prison. And, uh, find out what Braga knows,

I guess. Yeah. Dom is, Dom is like, own, Dom is like, yeah, fucking only you can,

can tell yourself whether or not it's cool to do one hand clapping. or whatever. So he... Clearly doesn't care. Yeah. When there was one set of tire tracks, it was when I drove you. There was a unicycle.

It's the clown car shit. So he goes to the US. Shea Wiggum, the like FBI agent, he'd beat up what his time is that? Agent dickhead from the last. Stasiak has decided to put his entire career on the line getting Brian O'Connor into jail for no personal benefit to himself.

He asks Brian directly, why am I doing this? And it's not a good idea to highlight for me, but you're really, you're right, movie. There's no fucking way he would do that. The only reason this is plausible is some kind of deep unrequited love that he has, that he's too scared to sort of tell Brian about, you know? Paul Walker tells him you'll get the credit for taking down shore, which he does not. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. It feels like Shadow Recruit, honestly,

and how the plot only works because you wrote it so that it works. Like, this is a stupid fucking idea and nobody would do this. I'm going to have to stitch this together because they keep cutting back and forth. So we'll just do it. Yeah, yeah. So, like, Braga, like, has all the cameras shut off, like, he's about to kill Jeffrey Epstein. And then he comes to his cell with, like, two goons with shivs. Also, Paul Walker's put in solitary confinement,

and his cell is significantly nicer than real Americans on. you can find a prison cell. Like, it's so much nicer than the real thing. The second we see, like, an establishing shot of him lying on his, like, sofa bed in the solitary confinement. There's a fucking toilet there with slightly yellowed water, and I desperately, desperately want to have been in the conversation where they decided how yellow to make the water in that.

What's today's piss color? You get in the room and piss first. It needs to be pissed, but he can't be too dehydrated. Otherwise, that's a bad role model for the kids. So Braga kind of taunts him and we get a retcon of Braga's plan to shoot all of the drivers who are smuggling his drugs into the US.

Yes. That sort of makes sense where he's like, I work for, sure it's like Moriati, damn his eyes, he's the Napoleon of Crime. Listen to Begay Solvecrimes,

BG Solv Crimes.com and like I knew ahead of time because you can listen to our Neger family. Exactly, yeah. Where we did. don't care about each other and we're evil. Dev, have you listened to P.K.S.O.C. Solve crimes. They've got, like, a Devon.

And they've got a Devon? Yeah, yeah. There's a Devon and there's a me. It's November. No, November is November. I'm the Devon of Begay Solf Crimes. No, November is November. And then Lucy is the me. And then Mia Molder is that Devon. I haven't listened to a podcast for last week because my fucking phone broke. So I got, I'm fucking raw-dogging life. Just everything's fucking dying. It's all diminishing. Yeah, no, I don't know.

B-Gave self-crones. Yeah, you should. I think we're different people. But so, Braga is like, do you fuck your B-gated soft crimes, double? It's, it's me. Well, which one of them is mine? Mia Molder? It's never crossed my desk. I guess. I, yeah, I don't know. But so. Committed monogamous, doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah, but Braga, Braga's like, yeah, I found out that she was undercover. The second you put her undercover, she was dead no matter what. Yeah. Which is, you is, you, you know, is a retcon of, as we know, the plot was to kill everybody at that stage and a plan no matter what anyway. So, and I'm choosing to believe that that's still the plot because fuck you. You can't.

You're pretending that I won't have seen this movie for like six years or something. No, I saw it last week or whatever. I have a memory. I remember. So they have to like have a fight. They have a little fight. Yeah. It's good.

Smart fun. Brian does the cool thing where he goes, like, if this door wasn't between us, I'd fuck you up and then they open the door and he has a brief moment where like there's a like dog barking door or something like it's yeah um uh he beats up the goons and braga's like

you're not going to do shit to me so he stabs him in the leg with this shiv and braga is like uh next location we don't really know we don't really learn anything you don't get close to shore unless he wants you to that is the one line that we get

that matters we don't really learn anything except that like when they try to kill Letty and failed she got amnesia and they recruited her. It's like, yeah, okay, we can't, we like, we assume that. What we learned from it is we don't learn this yet, but if you have like two brain cells to bang together, you learn that Gina Carrano is Shores like sort of undercover, right? You know, honestly, I apparently don't have two brain cells to break together, right? I actually didn't catch this because while in any other movie having a character standing in

every scene doing nothing for the entire plot would be an obvious twist villain, there are so many people doing that in this movie already, but I genuinely did not realize. She blends in. It's like dazzle camo. It's like finding out of the fucking vending machine is the secret film. Oh shit.

Not vending machine. The reason why is because she's new in this movie, right? Yes. They don't have the courage to make someone who has been around longer the secret twist villain, right? It should have been Galgatot. She used to work for broke. Whatever, whatever.

They barely even like recruited her. She just kind of showed her. Anyway, I got his present. Roman is doing some bullshit. He does some like silly bullshit. Yeah, he primarily just makes things harder for people throughout the course of the movie. He doesn't help. He does almost assassinate Han with a grappling hook.

Additionally, Ludacris, Tej, he's cute. He's become cute over the course of the movie. He's Q now. So just jot that down. So Dom decides to like go to one of the famous Somerset House street race. meat in London. Yeah. Okay.

This is where we get the meat market shots that I hate so much. Midriff. Yeah. It's not as bad as it has been. It's not as bad as it has been. This is probably the tamest version

of this scene we've ever seen. It's no good. Because these women are like meant to be white and British and therefore it's not acceptable for us to sexualize them too much. There's something I notice about Lettie here. about Michelle Rodriguez, the way she's playing this,

she can only really sell amnesia by looking kind of perplexed all the time. Even when Dom sees her and she's just talking to a guy, she's kind of like frowning a bit like, huh? Well, yeah, she's playing somebody who has had a major head injury. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Two things to observe about this scene. I can't believe I didn't catch earlier,

but cars being as low as they are means that you can frame them up in the shot. top to bottom and you never have to see the top half of a woman at all. Like it's just all TNA. Second, the commitment this series has to having multiracial street racer gangs means that there is at least one guy in the background

of this surrounded by women and he is dressed as, and I can only really describe it in these terms, the barbarian Mongolians from the start of Charlie's Angels too. There's a guy dressed like that. I would not race the Mongolian Khan for like.

I'm not racing that guy. I'm not racing that guy around London, Glasgow, Moscow, yeah. The Great Khan is amused by your skyline. They pass the scene attack like three times. Yeah. So, yeah. So Don pulls up to start doing the race. Lettie pulls up next to him and she goes like,

oh, you're a jammie cunt. Because this is like a seduction, right? Don has to re-sidduce Ledy through the overtures of car. Yeah, and he keeps doing this by virtue. saying things that like, oh, back where we grew up together, we used to say that. And it's still not like clicking for her. Yeah. But they race.

The race is started by Rita Aura. Yeah. Hello Rita Aura. Your cheap nail polish was huge for me back in the day. The line she says before she starts the race is out here we're used to getting what we want. This is London baby. Uh-huh. Just not really true.

That's not true. We're not. If anything, the opposite actually. really really smacks of someone in the writing room being like, what is, what's London like? This is Brazil, you know? Do they get what they want in London? No. There's a line earlier in this movie where Ludacris goes, this isn't Brazil or something I really wanted to match cutlass.

I would have got to have my mix amount exploded. It's, we are not in Brazil. This is Brazil. This is in Brazil. Yeah, exactly. Everything they teach you in Harvard business school, everything they don't teach you in Harvard business school. Are we in Brazil or not today? The Brazil

You've got Brazil again Yeah But also we are not used to getting what we want Because multiple times throughout this movie Someone will say Oh there's shitloads of CCTV in London Yeah yeah yeah yeah Like ludicrys even says

You can't flick a boogoo about someone seeing it And this was 2013 So it's only got worse from that Yeah they've used that mass surveillance later on Yeah But even way This was a legit concern In the British zeitguess at the time

That like British society was and is incredibly surveilled and we have more CCTV in London I think anywhere else. And also, weird coincidence this is the zeitgeist that berth blink the play that I am currently in, which when it was first written was about that and about CCTV

and being watched. Yeah. It functions way better as a play about Parassociality. Yeah, that's a fast mysterious movie. Don Don wins the race and thus wins a conversation with Lettie at Battersea Power Station back when that was empty and not a shopping center. Yeah, it's crazy. They put

They pull in here. Where they stood now, where they're having a conversation is all the worst glass high rises ever now. Like, they are not in a place that exists anymore. Also, how did you get there? So you drive past the Cenotaph and Downing Street three times in opposite directions and then end up at Bada C power station without crossing a bridge. What? Yeah, when they do a race in a city you're aware of, you really start to notice that he cut some things up. Yeah.

How did you get there? I think they go through the fucking black wall tunnel at one point. Anyway. Yeah, come on. He's like trying to seduce her And the way he does this is by Picking out scars on her body And being like, you got this when we were street racing

And you got this one in fast three You could not do this shit with me Because you would be stuck on my arms for hours Being like you were 15 and didn't understand You were a girl yet But I like this scene though I think Vin Diesel, he plays it like He's quite charming

He's quite gentle Well, it's actually quite nice. Dom Torreto. Dom Torreto consoles you about your self-arm scars, ASMR. Dom Torreto puts his out, Stop for me. Don Tarasso getting a semicolon tattoo with you. Oh my God.

Dom Teresso doing to write love on her arms. I did fucking hell. And then, yeah. But he says, you know, you got this scar when you were force-femned by Sigourney Weaver in that movie. You got this guy tracing like the search. Yeah. You got the one on the inside of your lip. I was going to say, I pulled the lip out.

She's taking, no. So she's taking all of this remarkably well, right? She's into this. But she still doesn't know if she can trust him, right? And she's like, you're crazy. I'll see you around. At which point, an Aston Martin pulls up.

And it's interesting that it's an Aston Martin because Owen Shaw is like evil James Bond kind of. He is. This is where we get a classic. We've seen this speech so many times in lots of movies. It's the bad guy just says, I'm like Napoleon speech. It's like, I rule and you suck because family is dumb.

This one is fantastic because he's like, I hate family. I hate the concept of family. Family is a weakness. Right. Family. I love disloyalty and switching up on my day ones. Right?

And by the way, I have a brother. Just write that down. Martin Supreme, DuxyXT. Like, I guess it's also Welsh. Yeah, yeah. But here's the thing, right. I legit can talk about the ostensible ethos of our podcast, right, which is killing the James Bond in your head here. Totally.

In that, this is something that is real, right? That you can try and kind of deliberately burn out all of the kind of empathy and human connection in your life in order to become epic, right? In order to become Mr. James Bond man. Yes. Whether that's literally working for MI6 or, I guess, stealing cars or just whatever. It is a very stupid but very, like, real form of masculinity. And, like, to have the movie go, this guy is wrong for that, and you should be more like Vin Diesel is one of the last sort of healthy vestiges left in it.

Yeah, I suppose that is quite nice. Yeah, Vin Diesel who kind of respects women. becoming the main character has been helpful to the Fast and Furious franchise. Can we talk about that? This movie wanted Brian O'Connor dead earlier than he did. Actually, this movie would have loved it if he could have gone out before they started filming Fast and Furious sticks. Because what does he actually do in the course of the movie? Yeah. That Brian O'Connor is on his way out. Did you kill him?

Say he was a cop a couple of times? He goes to prison to find out something that we already knew. and but when he gets back like 45 minutes later in the movie he tries to tell Dom that and Dom literally goes what you found out is for you and then they just move on so it doesn't matter he just was gone for a while

as Dom is like you should open yourself to human love right he gets a laser dot on his chest like fucking Sherlock that's one of one of fucking Shores goons and then Shaw gets a little laser dot on his chest because Hobbs is here and they

They sort of let each other walk away from this standoff. It's interesting to me, because Hobbs has just killed a guy for no reason before. Yeah. He withholds killing, sure, in this moment. Why does he do that? No other reason possible than not wanting to imperil Dominic Tureto. I think they should kiss about this. I actually think they should.

Yeah. I think they should. I think they should. I mean, look, I did like both of these scenes, but the fact that they occurred back to back and uninterrupted does mean that there are seven. uninterrupted minutes at the halfway point of this movie, but it's just people explaining each other's backstories to them. It's very Dragon Ball Z. Just telling them about each other.

They're standing around explaining why each other are cool. We have a 20-minute flashback to his father on planet Vegeta. There's a really funny scene, right? If you did put together that Gina Carrano is sort of like undercover for evil family, where she lures the rock out to like a secluded look. by picking out, oh, that's his hideout or whatever. And you go, she could have popped him in the back of the head at any time. Anytime.

Any time. Write this down. Remember this. There are so many times where she could have easily revealed her betrayal to great personal and professional benefit. She also could have led him to a location that wasn't their real hideout. Yeah. Because like they get to the hideout and then like Shaw was already cleared out and the rock

finds like a residue that they analyzed and says next location on it. she warned them, but like not enough to like lead him to the wrong place or just kill him. Anyway. Yeah. It is worth briefly tracing the, uh, the path of Dom Toreto's iconic blessed amulet that grants you immortality. Because he hands it off to Letty during this scene and then afterwards she gives it to, uh, Owen Shore. After he like approaches her, after they finished the scene where Owen gets chased off with the fucking sniper rifle, he directly goes to Letty and is like, remember the. stakes and she goes, I remember the fucking stakes.

Yeah, she's like, I'm on side. I'm going to kill that guy. Yeah, yeah. He's like, when I tell you to kill him, are you going to kill him? And she doesn't say yes, she says, look at me and tell me. I forgot to even talk about the MacGuffin. Yeah, talk to me about the MacGuffin. Yeah, they're building a super weapon. It doesn't matter. It's a nightshade device. They got a little chip, a computer chip, right? So here's the thing. This is the funniest detail in the movie, right?

Next location. Final location, in fact, is Spain. Right. And so The Rock tells everybody to like go to Spain and he he tells Dominic Tarreto, a man that he last met in the Dominican Republic speaking Spanish to brush up on his Spanish. Yeah. He only hangs out in the Spanish speaking parts of the world. He was in the Canary Islands earlier. He was in Dominican Republic. He probably speaks pretty good Spanish. Brush up on your Spanish. Brush up on your Spanish. But the reason why is because Border Patrol identified Shoresmen crossing the border last night, which means the retrospective border control strikes again.

Once again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta get lower latency on your border software. Watching it on a time delay just being like, oh shit, that's... Oh shit, that was short a couple of miles ago. If we like to give people a sporting chance, you know? He was driving so fast is the thing. Oh shit, that was George Bennett Short.

Doing a redshifted border patrol sort of checkpoint. So there's this NATO base that they work out the McGuffin is at. It's just this kind of nebulously, it's not any nationality. It's just NATO in general. They say that it's in Spain and allow me to tell you, that is England. Britain. That's fucking. Right.

There is Ariaf fucking Skapton or something. Yeah, yeah. It's all poured concrete and the sky is grey. It's the grey it's been since Christmas. It's that sky. Moscow, Glasgow, London, Spain. It is RIF bent waters, apparently. Okay.

RIF Bentwater. Or RIF Bovington. Anyway, not important. But so, also the guy in charge is this kind of nebulously woke European, whose name tag says Rolfs. Yeah, I love that. It gets these cool. Ro, roll.

Yeah. Cool. So the final component of the device is there. They find one of Shaw's men trying to sneak into the base, and then the rock's like, okay, we're going to move the component out of the base in a convoy. And again, he has all these fucking lion-ass lines. He's like, move the egg out of a henhouse and wait for the goddamn fox to arrive. It's like, foxes don't eat eggs.

You fucking foxes eat chickens. I think a fox might enjoy a nice egg. Anyway, the gang are on their way to the base, figure out. out that what they're doing is... He's going to heist the convoy, obviously. It's fanbleased up. He's going to... their moves, right? Like, this is a...

Shaw is a Carmen, and as a Carmen, he is part of a sacred bond to always fuck with like the movement of goods by truck. Yes. At any time possible. Italian job, you know? It's...

You've got to hit the convoy. You've got to hit while they're moving. You got to assault the truck. This is one of the most fucked up truck situations I've ever seen. Evil Han immediately wins a technical Kronstein because he climbs on top of a Jeep

and then uses an assault rifle to shoot down through the Jeep and kill both the guys driving it. That's standing on top of. Incredible. It's pretty good. But so as the gang arrive, it's just in time for the truck to be perfectly fucking eviscerated

by its contents of tank. This is sick Renno Magnum harmed sadly Also a couple of really nice defenders harmed This is sick I'm afraid

They're in a tank And you get a couple of great trailer lines where Ludacris goes They're in a tank Great We need more alphabats We need more alphabats We need more alphabet

Cyrillic You know Stupid Also I think As they're sort of driving In this tank Down this sort of Spanish Most of way

I'm reminded of just cause You remember those games Particularly like winching shit together with cables Which is also a big factor in this I'm not sure which stuff from which But so as the as the gang show up Owen Shaw is like they're all in the tank Lettie's frowning a bit

Feeling a bit discomfited And as a former SAS officer The urge to start just killing civilians Because your board kicks in Yeah he's driving down the correct way of the road And then he goes, ah, fuck it. What if we just fucking planted an AK on this guy, you know? Whatever.

And he just starts running over cars. And they're getting thrust to fucking, we see one person jump out of a car and then it gets crushed. So I guess there's some like plausible deniability, but there's no plausible deniability whatsoever here. Let me be honest. But like, Lesi is like horrified because he's killing people. She's like, you don't have to do this. And he's just like, why are you doing this? But it's funny, though.

Yeah. It's not England. This is a different... We can just kill civilians here. Yeah, yeah. This is Spain. This is not Brazil. So Roman's car gets like sort of chewed up slowly by the tank, but they attach it to the tank with like a cable and use it as like a sea anchor to like...

It's kind of sick, kind of sick. They're going to shoot Roman with the tank and he breaks hard and like pulls into underneath where the gun is. I guess like trapped against. the front of it. Paul Walker does a sick jump to jump in there and get him. Yeah, pretty fun. It's like a, it is a fun sequence, and it's on one of the most, like, closable roads I've ever seen.

It's just really, really, like, they have freedom here. Galgado and Han are, like, trying to get onto a truck full of bad guys, and Gal Gadot ends up, like, hanging off the side and then it gets killed. And this is where I can reveal that Gal Gadot's stunt double for this movie was Tilly Powell, who was my stunt double in House of the Dragon Season 2. who is really, really cool and really nice and was supposed to be my stunt double on the big action project I shot last summer

but couldn't because she got injured. So shout out to Tilly Powell who does great fucking work in this movie. Good stunts levels. But coincidentally, my stunt double for the big action thing that I shot last year was also Galgadot stunt double in Wonder Woman.

They're saying you look like Galgadot. They are saying this. They are saying there's a bunch of like from the rear three quarters. You've got to start doing the axi at this point. Yeah, from the rear three quarters, apparently. Yeah, I've got a double. That's awesome.

We got like a very short, fast and furious number. Yeah. We're like right there, basically. Yeah. So we get it textually, they have no plan. One of them says something like, let's improvise. And then they start doing fast and furious shit. Yeah, let's get fast and furious.

Let's get a fast. The tank ends up getting like flipped over frontwise. Letty gets catapulted out of it. And then Dom has to do like a jump where he crashes out of his own car and catches her. He punches her horizontally out of the air like a fucking surface-to-air missile. They hit each other and he like smashes into this windscreen of a car and my note just say dead.

Dead. Shattered spine. They should have had Galgadar do this because this is Iron Dome type shit they're trying to do here. Getting that iron-dome? Yeah. Iron-dominic Sarasso, yeah. Iron bomb.

That's something. That's... That's the opposite. that was when he, you know, because now he's obviously he's a huge BDS activist. So they're gonna, they're gonna take... Oh, I didn't make any jokes about him being in Britain. What of, well, regardless.

But so, but so he, like, they reconcile a bit. She like does not seem to remember him at all, but she's like, thank you for saving my life. She's like, it's crazy you did that. They're gonna take Shaw to Arkham Asylum. And then he starts laughing really sinisterly because he was like, I know your weakness. And it's famed believe.

they are slurring it every time like by the end of the movie Vin Diesel is just saying you know what I'm saying they catch sure it looks like everything's done we get a scene between Lettie and Paul Walker where Paul Walker is about to apologize to her for getting her fucked up an amnesia

and she instantly is like no don't worry about it's my fault it's convenient isn't it yeah yeah don't worry everything you learned in the main arc that you did in the show don't worry it doesn't matter yeah Galgado and Hana are like, let's move to Tokyo and die in a car crash with children. Let's do it. Let's go to Tokyo. Yeah.

And for some, right, and, okay, Gina Carrano and Hobbs go into a room with Owen Shaw, and that's the only people that are in that room is them and Owen Shore. And Gina does not betray them at that point. Instead, what happens is Shaw brings, oh, sorry, yeah, Hobbs brings Shaw out into the main foyer and goes, he's got a speech he wants to give. You better listen to this. Yeah, he's got some more lines actually. What?

What can you possibly said in that fucking roof that caused him to be like, oh, hang on, you got a cool thing you want to do? Have you seen the movie a rival? Anyway, famedably, right? Yeah, so he tells Hobbs his own phone number. But so he goes, Oh, yeah.

You have a weakness, which is family. And right now, the rest of my guys are kidnapping Mia Teresso. Uh-oh. Don't worry. She's still in the movie, but it's only for threat. The fun thing about this is that Elena is there, and like it goes to escape, right, and takes the

kid, and then Mia just refuses to go with her because of woman reasons. Yeah. Not sure why. It feels like you got Mia, but we don't have Elena and the kids safe, don't worry. Somehow. The kid's called Jack, by the way. Cool, great. Jack O'Connor.

Torado or something. So, Shor's like, if you don't want MIR to get fucking iced, you better let me go with the computer chip, MacGoff. Of course, the woke gay soy European guy is like, Zinizovs many, you know? Which is just straightforwardly true. Like, not to trolley problem this, but it's like one woman versus the thing.

I don't remember what the stakes were, but it's like a thousand fucking nuclear bombs or whatever. It's like, and Hobbes, his heart grows three sizes that day because he pulls his sort of extreme, huge gun on him and he's like actually it's the only thing that matters. Yeah. End of his career you'd think

if he had any career after killing all those Brazilian police officers but all right, whatever. So they let Shaw and his boys go and he's like, are you ready to reveal the betrayal now, Gina Garano? He says, are you coming honey and like the camera like Pat, hold on

Michelle Rodriguez for a second and then it's so stupid. Gina goes, yes, and leaves with him. Oh,

great. Not to try to re-capture Spector 11, but what are you doing? What is the plan? What? You were alone with this guy.

Everyone in this building so many times, you could have done anything. You could have done anything to push the plot forward. But no, but no, you just reveal that you're like,

no, no, I was, by the way, I was on his side. Bye. This only, the only way this, make sense, right? And I say sense in sort of like heavy air quotes is for sure, it's for sure to be like, my plan depends on showing all of them that family is stupid. Family sucks.

This is a kind of autotomotive Grinch at this point. I'm purely trying to prove the point about family. So, like, they get out of the thing. Immediately he's on the phone being like, you should kill Mia because I don't care. But Tej Q blocks his phone call. And like, okay, it's really lucky that this base has the infinitely long runway. Yeah. Okay. Oh, fucking K.

Okay. Cinema since 20 minutes of the movie, they're driving on a runway. Yeah. This runway goes all the way to Portugal. It's weird. If you look on Google Maps, there's like one runway that extends out of Spain. Runway space is like, oh my God. It goes all the way to Glasgow, London, Moscow.

So this cargo plane full of Russians comes in to meet shore. And then they're racing to get on it. It's an AN2-25, my beloved. The family are racing after, like, chasing them, cool, whatever. Mears on the plane, I wouldn't have put her on there myself. Like, okay? Load my B2. Load my B2.

And I'm like, yes, sir, immediately. Yeah, he drives up onto the back of the plane. And now the task is the family need to stop the plane taking off. Yeah, yeah. everybody fights their evil double everyone fights the evil doppelgangers I haven't mentioned it yet but the the big guy in this movie

there is a big guy he's very big he's bigger than the rock and they have a lot it's hard to find a guy bigger than the rock for these kind of movie I forget what we started calling these guys when we got slightly woker about it

Mighty Joe yeah this is a Mighty Joe yeah yeah yeah this is the mighty as Joe we've yet seen oh yeah and we get some we get some wrestling we also increment the Mia shouting no or stop at a fight counter

yeah because she's in this scene so yeah it's one of the things that women do Vin Diesel does a flying headbut yeah

cool cool also so Paul Walker grabs me and they get into a car that's in the plane and they get out of the plane and they escape and then the woman who's on Shores team gets in her Batmobile

and chases them down and I'm like why what why would you get off the plane that's your escape vehicle to chase down two people who you don't need. Dedicated to your work, I guess. As a result, she dies, she crashes and dies,

and I'm like, that's your own fault. The flipper becomes the flip as he, like, lures her into, like, crashing her car into, like, concrete. Yeah, okay. We get more stupid wrestling. And then we have to, we, we, I want to say kill off Gina Carano.

Here's the thing. If you don't see a body, see you in fast eight, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like Lord Fraser, she'll come back. Yeah. She gets hot. Betty does murder her. She is unarmed,

but she gets hit her with a harpoon gun. Yeah, she calls her a bitch first. Yeah. Yeah. Well, is wrong team bitch, then impaled. The Rock does,

I think it's a choke slam. It's like a wrestling move. And then we get a moment when Vindy's like, cocks an eyebrow at him because it's like, are you the rock? Is that the rock?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Brian, Brian, Brian, like, Brian hits the plane's glowing weak point.

Yeah. He legit does do this. Yeah. What a stupid movie Han and Galgado are sort of like wrestling with the plane on the other side and she like

has she she does a kind of dom maneuver here which is self-sacrifice she becomes car Jesus as well she does yeah she has to let go of the railing in order to shoot a henchman in midair and as a result she dies she gets completely de-gloved don't don't see a body see you in

fast eight. I've been burned too many times on this. Han goes rage mode and throws the henchmen into a jet turbine. He does suplex the henchman into a jet turbine. It's very funny that in Tokyo drift he doesn't sort of say to a high schooler later on, you know, when he's asked why he's in Japan. It's like, yeah, I threw a guy into a jet engine. Yeah. Han is hitting on me but like insisting that he only do it from a rear three quarter view. I'm like, Hedwig in the angry inch. Like he's becoming intimately for me. with the back half of me.

You look from behind. You look a lot like a... This is like a... There's like a shot of him like looking really sad as well. Like this is the moment where he's like fuck I gotta go groom a teen. Yeah.

And then die. Yeah. And then die. Yeah. There's a lot of lines in this movie that I would have pulled as drops because they sound kind of horny such as the rock saying, we go in tight, let me do all the talking

and you got my back on it. Which I captioned as tops when I, we've got, you're lucky I missed my shot, which is T-Gurals when they have to top. Put them in as post-drops. I don't know how to do that. I probably won't, is the thing.

I probably won't do it either. No, no. Just imagine those things. And then here's the thing. I'll make a nice episode up. The plane, the plane is about to crash. Dom is the only one left on it. Yes.

Like, Lettie escapes. And this is a sort of useful advice, like tips that you can. use every day. If your plane is about to crash, get in a car. Just getting, getting a car. It's got a different health bar, you know? Worst case, you get thrown out of the car. He punches Shaw out the back of the planes.

Oh, yeah, sure dies. Don't see a body. Don't see your body. Don't see a body. See your fast date. Yeah. Dom goes back for the fucking whatever device. Computer chip, yeah. It's a whatever device. It's a fucking, it's a fucking, yeah. A suitcase-shaped thing. It's like whatever.

And as the plane crashes. The plane explodes. This is kind of good. Dom heroically drives right out of the front of the plane as is exploding and then instantly wipes out. And that is a hint of point break surfacing briefly in the mandala. Just being like, oh, there it is. And then, but what that does mean is that we get to have two back-to-back scenes where people are like, oh my God, I think Dom is dead.

And then he heroically reappears. He walks out of the flames with a suitcase, let he runs to him and they kiss. Han is really upset. and was like, where's Garl Gadeau? I don't even know. Where's that lady who just used to stand around and not say anything? It's like, now she's not even standing around.

That last, was she? Yeah, yeah. Was there more of us? Yeah. They kind of wordlessly hug him. Like, was that Rita Orra? I think Rita Orra might have been here. Where's Gina Carana?

Is that Abigail Thorne? Not kind of working out any of this stuff. So then, right, Dom hands over the thing. Right. And Elena is there. Elena's there. Elena, again, you might think maybe would have some thoughts about maybe Lessie being back.

Nope. And seemingly in love with Dom again. And she just goes, no, I care about my dad husband too much, I guess. Yeah. So we go back to L.A. first because Dom gives the rock the case and he's like, I want my, I want a full pardon. And I want my house back in L.A. It's all right. It's all right.

So we get a barbecue ending at the LA house with the family. And this is where Lettie and Elena have this chat. And then Elena's like, I won't come between you and Dom. The cops are my family. Problems that could be solved with polyamory. One last chance to patch the Bechtel test absolutely fumbled. No, no. And so Elena, in this conversation with Dom,

drops the thing that I think dynamite. anything the film has been trying to do or the franchise has been trying to do. And this is the really, like, I think, dark bit to me. She's like, you have your family and I've got mine indicating badge. Yeah, brackets, cops, brackets American, which I was never a part of.

I am in the cop. I was a Brazilian cop and then on the run. Like, I've never been an American cop. All cops are in a kind of polychure hive mind together. I believe this. And they have. kind of they have shared values

which are to be... They're plurbs, they're plub people. Yeah, but, but, like, those values are to be respected

as equal to the values of the family Carmen. Mm-hmm. Which is something that the previous movies were there to, like, explicitly kind of refutes,

right? The sort of, like, wedge that we batted into that with, um, with Roman Pierce, with 2000 Too Furious, right?

Is, is now it's just fully open. It's like, you can be a car, it's fine. That's cool, actually. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. In fact, Vin Diesel even says to The Rock, he's like, yeah, you're not bad for a cop. And it's like, okay, great. Okay. Okay. We are just, we're just cool with cops now because that's more marketable. See you in the next movie. Yeah.

As Lessey and Elena are talking, ludicrous is like, oh, that's awkward, but it's sexy as hell. And it's like, fuck you. I'm like, men of pigs. But like also, the thing, the thing is as well, like, you could do an interesting kind of like cop criminal rivalry, right? You can do some cat and mouse stuff. You could even do the thing that they were shooting for. last movie where it's like, oh, I want to catch him, but there's other stuff going on. Right.

We're just abandling that because that's too hard and it's more marketable to be like, yeah, Cops, cool thing to be. You know? And then fascinating marker of the steadily encroaching Christianity in the Fast of Fury series specifically. Because Roman takes the first bite of the big family meal and is told that he has to say grace. And then he just does. He just unironically says grace

Like nicely He's like thanks for God For giving us you know A new member of our family And he's talking about the child I'm like Roman would not fucking say that No he would not know They've gelded my boy

My favourite line is Father we give thanks For all the choices we've made That make us who we are Mr. Beast ass That's not just Mr. Beastass That's that's mega church ass That's like I

God has forgiven given me for my DUI conviction type shit. And that's going to be the direction that we're heading. That's what direction we're heading. And we end, or we seem to end, with, and thank you most of all, God, for fast cars. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then just after the little don't do Fast and Furious shit at home, disclaimer.

It's called the Bekeeper Initiative. Tokyo, baby. Han, we see a little flashback to Tokyo drift. It's Han's final race. And then a mysterious car rams Han off the road, killing him, blowing him up, and drops Dom's iconic cross necklace right next to it as it blows up. And we pan up. And it's fucking Frank Transportor, baby!

Yeah! Mr. Gay, Aisexual transgender kicks you in the face himself. Woo! All right, Sunshine, I heard you killed my Welsh brother. It's strange how many franchises Frank Transporter has been in. He's in this, the transporter, he's in collateral. Yes. They need an even bolder man.

Yeah, we've lost the guys with hair. The only fucking family member with hair left now is fucking Brian, and we know he's not long for this goddamn world. No, no, no. Jason Statham. Just Jason Staping in for this. Should have been punished iguana guy from the... Just a single, like, leather.

Should have come down. It's like a guan on leather or something. Oh, fuck. You can see this of all the iconic shots of his a guan leather shoe hitting the accelerator. And that is well and truly fast six. A film I despised watching, but I enjoyed talking about with my friends.

That's... What does it say about masculinity? They'll enjoy listening to this and then they won't even have to watch the movie. It says family kind of to a fault, maybe. Yeah, family is real. Family is fucking real, number one. I appreciate that it's not just blood family, right?

It is, in fact, a chosen family in large part. But once you're in, you're there forever, right? Thinking about doing like a kind of banshees of inner Sharon thing on Dom Teresso's family, where it's just like, I just don't fuck with you anymore. Like, I just don't want to. I don't fucking want to be in the family anymore. Don. This would break Dom's heart, I think.

That'll probably be a fucking plot, I'm sure. This would destroy his spirit, I think. But yeah, what this says about masculinity is that cops are cool, violence is cool, women are best experienced as like trad wives, and also kind of like cars, they're kind of sexual

commodities. There's some in-cell stuff creeping in. Yes. And, yeah, it's about kind of just hanging out mostly being epic with your friends. Women are cars

but some women are okay they can hang out children are the future but they're over there yeah the women can take care of the children even because that way you don't have to talk to the women

and the women can just do women stuff kind of off screen and it grim and the United States is just so fucking good to be in that it's like worth it right that's the other part is that like in the first scene

with Brian and Mia and the new baby like Dom asks him how he's doing and he goes like, yeah, and I'm happy, but it doesn't feel like home. It doesn't feel like home. So them ending by going back to like a kind of shitty house in just L.A. is very much like a, you can be rich, but don't you want to be American more than anything else? Isn't that better?

Yeah. Yeah. Bad. Real bad. It's not. It's not. It's not a good film by any metric. No, it's not. I didn't enjoy it as much as, you know.

No, it isn't a good film. Would you like to hear the budget and box office? I would. Budget, $160 to 260 million. I don't know what that means. There's 100 million missing now. That's for marketing. Yeah, and box office,

78.8.0.000 million US dollars. It's time for my favorite mathematical concept, the lowest common denominator. It's time for more. That is a good return on a movie. Well done. It's a really good return on a movie. They'll make more.

This is one of the most unethical ways to make $420 million that I can think of short of arms dealing. Oh my God. Like, as somebody who is trying to get a fraction of that amount of money in order to make a movie, that I like pouring my heart and soul to, I'm just like, oh, please, can I have like a 20th of the budget of that just to make a move? What you've got to do is you've got to go to Justin Lynn, right, or like anyone else involved in this, and go, you're switching up in your day once. and then the supreme money gun comes out and you're good well what I can say to him is like I know that you look at my face and I don't know like anything but what if I just turn around

and you see me from the rear three-four of you oh shit you're a star honey incredible I'd love the front of me um okay that's good that's good

all right any award we don't we don't yeah actually evil Han got a cron and that British cop gets a good night cross. Yes, yeah. I believe that both Han and Galgado get honorary Cronsteins for, like, technical Cronsteins as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Technical Cronsteins. Okay. So we have a science-based system on this podcast. It's called the Scum. Wait, it feels wrong, not introducing it the right way. But we don't have to just talk about this subjectively. We have a science-based system on this podcast. It's called the Scum system, and it stands for Smam.

cultural and sensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny, on a scale of zero to seven, how smarmy is first six? I think this is the smamiest one, yet all of the rocks lines and some of his fight moves are just like, wabababababab but. Yeah, no, it's very, this, yeah. This is a wrestler, this is the rock. You're familiar with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a seven. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, it's a seven. cultural and sensitivity Are we counting shuffling around a bunch of London to sort of like We do that for everywhere

So it's a diverse time They shoot everywhere like that We only noticed Because we know London For that to be the first time We remark on it Whatever not great So

I mean it does kind of posit Like America is world police Just ironically And I think that's worth a couple points Yeah Yeah they just roll up in Moscow And start solving crimes Do we get a two for that?

Yeah I mean, like, Spain is not really a place. I really don't like the woke European NATO guy. That to me, and like any of the Rock's other interactions with British, air quotes, people, feel like so deeply arrogant, right? That it's like, I want to put on, like, it's, it's got to be like three for me, minimum. I think I agree with you. Three? I, Dev.

I can't push it much past three, though. Maybe not. There's not a ton of actual, like, racism. As it's annoying shit. No, no. And as always, the family is, like, racially diverse and it's shown as being a nice thing. Yeah, they take some, they take some tasks to be a racially diverse cast. Mm-hmm.

Fine. They do, they do kind of reduce the evil family to race, though. Like, they, yeah, they got to not do that. Yeah. Yeah. We'll go three. Yeah. Unprovoked violence.

I think it's lower than the Brazil one. We do. Yeah. I mean, so, like, the rock runs. over and mulches a bunch of cops. He hits the car. He hits the cars out of the way. He doesn't mulch them.

He just kind of bumps them out of the way. But it's the same shit that Shaw is doing to like civilians later. It's not. It's not. He doesn't go over them. He does bump them sideways out of the way. Yeah, no, it is different. Unfortunately.

I'd have to go back and look. But I still, I'm like, I mean, also we have Brian just like torturing. There is some torture. The Rock does. torture that guy in Moscow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is explicitly illegal as well.

Yes, it is. Torture is certainly unprovoked violence. Yes, absolutely. Yes. I think, I think maybe what it is, is it's less violent than the last one, but it's more smarmy about it, and that makes me want to put it higher than where it is. Hmm.

Mm-hmm. You know? Well, we've already given it more points for smarm. So how do we feel like four? I could, I could do a three or a four, yeah, certainly. Yeah. Yeah. Four, like torture, there's two scenes of torture at least.

Mm-hmm. It's not sort of hugely sadistic about it, but it is there. And then misogyny. Yeah, he only knocks him aside. In some ways, the movie, in terms of like, you know, the scenes where we get women's asses and cars, this one is actually slightly better than previous movies on that regard. However, I think it's worse in the other way. It is.

I know that's from what you're leading to. Yeah, exactly. It's getting more, it's getting older and it's getting more kind of ideological about it. And the other movies, it was just kind of titillation. Whereas now it's trying to really think about like social roles for women such as taking half your shit when you divorce her. Being a mother, leaving the scene. And like the way that the female characters in this just roll over for the men or just don't have any internal lives at all. Galgado literally like sacrifices herself for Han at the end, which okay, yes, noble thing to do.

But it's just women, women exist for men. We're still on this Carol Pateman's shit. And the closer we get to like, this is 2013. This is like inexcusable. And it's also like, it's not chasing the kind of social attitudes of the time so much as it's really setting them out for like the kids who watched this, you know, back in the day who are now in their mid-20s or whatever. Like this is, this is, I don't know.

You see the surveys that are like Gen Z men think that women, you know, wives should obey their husband. It's like, yeah, I wonder where you fucking got that. idea from. Yeah, this is like one snowflake in the avalanche, you know? And I, it's an early one as well. It is. I feel it's a, the last one was a seven. I feel this is as bad, but in a different way. I agree. We'll give it like a seven, but like a seven in a slightly different font. Yeah. No, no problem. Yeah. That gives it a total score of 21, which is improved on fast five by one point. That tracks, actually. The direction is still, but we're kind of like starting to. to plateau a little bit here

I guess we'll see what happens in Fast 7 Maybe we're gonna come back down Maybe we've peaked and they'll get better Or maybe the direction of travel will continue Yeah We'll see We'll see I'm exasperated with these

But Yeah they're getting old You can listen to Fast 7 As the next free episode But we also have a Patreon We do yes We can listen to bonus episodes And we are considering the truck

Still Yes We're rotating a truck in our mind. The next bonus episode is going to be sort of cribbing from war season before we do war season. Ice cold and Alex. So join us for that. We hope to see you there and we'll see you next time. Bye, everyone.

Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next free episode in two weeks time will of course be Fast 7. It's not even... I'm really close to the end. We got a whole of a month of this. Help me.

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