Kill James Bond! - S4E36: Furious 7

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

Taking place a number of months after Fast & Furious 6, as well as immediately during and after the events of Fast and Furious 3: Tokyo Drift, Furious 7 chronicles the Toretto Fambily's war against Frank Transporter. Surprisingly, this involves visiting the safest and coolest place to put your international capital: the arabian gulf! ----- FREE PALESTINE - With the ceasefire in full effect, the media has returned to ignoring the daily atrocities in Gaza. My friend Ahmed still needs to feed his family and afford medicine. Anything you can kick in would be hugely appreciated. https://chuffed.org/project/150817-please-help-ahmed-and-his-family-get-food-drink-and-medicine And these are some more general links you can support collective efforts with! -The Palestinian Communist Youth Union is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app account

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined, as always, by my friends Abigail Thorn and Devon. Vroom! Gawabunga! It's happening. It's still going. There's more of these.

It's going. Life's rich pageant just fucking keeps on rolling. Let's go. Let me tell you, as much as we came into this with high energy, I have some thoughts about furious. 7, the seventh Fast and Furious movie, if you don't count some of the side project.

Which we don't. Not least because, there are another five of these if you don't count some of the side project. Jesus. Okay, so there's Furious 8, then Hobbes and Shore, then Furious 9, 10,

and then there's one coming out this year or next. Cool. Fantastic. This one, I think, is one of the... Yeah, it was okay. Okay. I feel sort of the opposite in that I feel like this is a bit like the insect protein bars from Snowpiercer. It is film.

It is a film. It is something that you can watch. And I have to be honest, right? I give these things like the close reading. I pay attention. I'm taking notes. I'm not on my phone for all of them. And this isn't a bonus episode.

So I'm not going to jerk myself off about being a serious film critic or whatever. But like, for me watching this, there was just. Nothing. Really? Nothing here, really. I don't know. I enjoyed Pots of it. I can imagine watching this on a plane or, you know, with some friends and a takeaway.

Like, it's good fun. And I think it's actually better than the last one. And there's some bits of it. They're like technically quite impressive. It's the same as the last one. It is, but it's iterating. It's in some ways. It's the last one.

And throughout, they keep being like, this is the last one. And it's like, no, it isn't. Motherfucker. It's like, oh, the family faces another threat from a British man who's trying to kill all of them. It's like crazy. No, because the thing is, I don't object to formula, right? You know the tweet about surf Dracula, right? Back in the day, if there was a show called Surf Dracula, you'd have seen him do like, sort of like new adventures every week. Now there's a movie he touches the surfboard at the end, right? So like, clearly I am in favor of some formulas, but the point

of a formula is that you have some constants and some variables, you know? Like, I get out of like, knives out and I'm like, cool, one of those every year for the rest of. of my life, please, and thank you, right? But this one, it's all the same. Everything is the same. They made this one almost back to back with Fast 6. It was going to be the same movie. It should have been the same movie because it is the same movie.

Yeah. It is Fast 6-2, for sure. But this one has Frank Transporter in. Yeah, it does. And you know who it doesn't have? It doesn't really have Paul Walker. It has bits of Paul Walker. It has.

Yet well. Much like a sort of like school zone in California signed for 45 that his friend was doing over 100 in. It has bits of Paul Walker scattered across it. Yes, yes. But not in any way that you could say cohesive. This is the one that Paul Walker died partway through filming. During the production of you.

And honestly, like, part of the reason I kind of, we'll get to the ending later on, but part of the reason I kind of respect this is like, to have one of your lead actors die literally halfway through the filming process, have to take six months. off and then like not only managed to come back, but managed to make a coherent and pretty decent film at the end of it, that's actually quite impressive, like as a filmmaking achievement. I think you could take the opposite view, which is if one of your lead actors dies and it ends up not impinging on the movie, how vital was it for them to be alive in the first place? Oh, no, I think that's harsh.

Well, my statement on the last movie was that it wasn't vital for him to be alive during that, and it wasn't particularly vital for this one either. He, he, he, the Fast and Furious series wanted him dead two movies earlier. Like, they have no idea what to do with him. They have an arc in this one because they know that he's gone. So they can finally do like, oh, he's actually going to settle down arc that they wanted to do that. They wrote that. Yeah, but they wrote that after he died.

So like, what was, the fuck was he doing the first time around? I don't know. I don't know what he was doing in the first draft of the script. They were going to give him an extra kid in Fast 12. He was going to have like another five kids. Amia was just going to have two kids in Fast 8 just over there somewhere. And he'd be doing it. Because we still can't allow her to be a character.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, God, no, God, no. Anyway, we'll get to all that. We start. We start. You know who does get to be a character? Yes. Yes.

Welcome back to the podcast. Frank Transporter, the Frank Transporter. Here he is. Oh, I'm so happy he's back. Oh, this is my Pope Francis. Here he fucking is. Yeah. It's Jason Statham, delivering some absolute non-suitary

His initial line is that they say if you, I'm not going to do the accent because it's going wrong already, but his line is they say if you want to see the future, just look behind you. Do they say that? That's right. I don't think they do. That's a very well-known expression in the French-American district of London

in which Jason Statham grew up, I guess. A while back we watched the Transporter movie, as Transportor 1-2-3 starring Jason Statham as Frank Transportor, the Frank Transporter. He is not playing the same character in these movies, but we've decided that he is. And therefore,

this is Frank Transporter, who is, we also decided this wasn't in the script, gay, asexual, and transgender, and in a gay relationship with a French detective.

That is absolutely correct. And I have called him Frank Transporter throughout all of my notes. I will never call this man Descartes Shaw. Are you fucking kidding me? From Blade Runner?

No. Absolutely not. No. Yeah, there's two layers to this. Number one, there's the movie, and the movie is really bad and really fascist, and we'll talk about that. And then there's what I'd like to call the hallucination layer in between that movie and me, and that's where everybody's transmask and gay, and that's Frank Transportor. And I have to live there.

A lot of sort of like third-party films you buy just regular code act with the hallucination layer of move. So, yeah, they say if you want to see the future, just look behind you, says Frank Transporter. So, yeah, watch Fast and Furious Six. He's saying this in the hospital room of his brother, Owen, Shaw, who the family, like, got, like, clas to... They threw him off a plane in the last movie and fucked him up. And he landed from that plane in a hospital. And the pull-out sort of reveal here is that Decker-Shore, because he's, like, more dangerous, has, like...

Sorry, has Frank transported because he's more dangerous. Sorry, I got so scared for a second now. has like sort of violently like, sort of like martial arts karate MMA his way past a bunch of SWAT guys into the hospital room. This is pretty sick. This is like a pretty sick. It's made to look like a one-o. It's not actually a wanna.

You can see the joins in a couple of places if you know it's looked for, but it's made to look like a big long, one tracking shot as we pull out and he leaves the hospital and like, there's people beaten up and there's people shot and like stuff's on fire and stuff's falling over it. And it's like, it is actually quite a sick reveal. I do quite like it. It also tells us that Frank Transporter has been radicalized by the attack on his brother because one of the things we liked about Frank in the transporter movies is he doesn't kill people.

Now he does. He gives a guy a grenade. Apart from that one pilot for no reason. Yeah, he broke that pilot's neck for no reason, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we only ever saw him shoot up a Cunty hospital. We've never seen him shoot up a normal hospital. For normal people, yeah.

Normal hospital. I will say, shooting your way into your brother's hospital room purely to tell him to get well soon and then shooting your way back out is like a joker. medium successful podcaster would tell about the IDF. Yes. But also, like, this is what you have to do when you're transgender, because they won't let him in. Because they're just like, well, we only have your dead name.

You can't be this man's sister. He's got a sister. This is just how you've got to get it done on the NHS. You've got to shoot your way into the hospital and out again. I had to do this when I got my orky. Not that I've ever had an orky list. My balls just did that. They just left.

They were never there. Yeah. The thing about this guy, and the reason why I'm so happy to just assume but this is Frank Transporter is because Deckard Shaw's excuse for being in the movie is

just as nonsensical as if it was Frank Transporter, right? This is an English guy whose brother is the Welsh antagonist of the previous movie. There's like, where did they grow up? Shropshire, come on. The Welsh, French, American district of Shropshire, yeah.

Of London, Glasgow, Russia, where the last movie was saying. We grew up exactly, equidistant between Port Chauber. Shropshire, the 33rd Barron. Sheffield. Um

I guess in Manchester The Rock's accent went to after the first one of these movies he was in there commuting back and forth Zone 6 Swansea He does commit murder with a grenade At this point He does

He does, yeah He has been radicalised Certainly But we go from him to Our protagonist Yeah, from one kind of nonsense Aphorism to another Because we go to our boy

Domteretto Vindiesel who says, and I'm still reeling from, they say, if you want to see the future, just look behind you. We then get, the road is about where you've been and where you're going. Yes. Which some would say. That is true. That is true.

Some would say those are the two aspects of the road unless there's a junction. Yeah, that's a broadly accurate description. What if you reach around about, Dom? Yeah, that's true. Driving instructor, Domtero. The road is about where you've been, where you're going, checking your mirrors. And a couple of other places. But he's trying to remind.

When I was learning to drive, my instructor always got mad if you're never checking my mirrors. And I'm like, because that's not where I'm going. You know, that's why I've been. That's right. I do it. I'm not focused on the past. And that's whoever's driving behind me's problem. Yeah.

You know, but apparently they don't let you get a driver's license if you drive that one. replaced my rearview mirror with a big, like, angel view thing that just says, no regrets. And I'm just not, I'm not even thinking about it. Why would I want to look back? But he is attempting to letty, Michelle Rodriguez, his lavender wife of many, many years. He, she lost her memory quite recently. We all had a lot to say about that. Amnesia subplot.

He's trying to get her memory back by taking her along roads that she'd be familiar with. and to a location. Do you want to remember the sort of funniest thing that happened in any of the previous movies? Maybe that would jolt your memory. I can't believe they brought this back. To a location that they would be familiar with. In 2015, she's like, where are we going?

And Vind Diesel turns to her, like, says, facing the camera, race wars. He also implies that they founded race wars, the two of them. Race wars, we invented it. I'm like, I don't think you should have done that. I wish she didn't. I didn't think the Latin Americans did that. Dominic, Dr. Jacob, Teresa.

Just as bold, but a bigger head. Gross wars. Also, can we, like, I mean, I can't, I guess I can't really talk, but like, listen, Vin Diesel used to be able to move the muscles in his face, and in this movie he kind of can't. No, I'm like, you can see the exact kind of thermokline between. Fast 6 and Fast 7 when they all got surgery? They all, like, he's not the only member of the cast who's looking different. And I will say, like, there's various moments in this movie where Paul Walker's face is

CGIed on account of the fact that it was a body double and they CGA had his face on. But also, that's actually quite helped by the fact that there's several members of the cast who got plastic surgery between six and seven. So everyone's already looking a little bit weird. Yeah, yeah, it's very strange. But so he takes her two race wars to try and restore her memory. this does give us the fastest time to like midriff and ass shot yeah we're doing the meat market thing again And it's as bad as it's three minutes in.

And there is, in fact, a specific shot that is just for upskirting the race announcer. Like, that's the whole setup. Like, setting up a camera and lights and everything and, like, make up on the ass, which you do have to do whenever you see, like, a woman's ass in a fucking movie, there's always makeup on that ass, right? Because normal people have pimples on their ass. In order to set that up, that must have taken the best part of an hour. And, like, you've done that effort and spent that money just to get an upskirt shot.

Like, fuck you. And then, like, it's all in. intercut as well with just like various of women being blasted with hoses and like dancing around. And it's just, it's as bad as it's ever been. And it's crazy. There's some extras in the backgrounds wearing Race Wars California t-shirts, which... How do I get that? Gotta be worth of fortune on eBay.

Do not get the Race Wars California T-Syshe. Next live show costume. Turning up with Race Wars. Welcome the Race Wars. How to get banned from the... I think the ethical society would consider us hosting an event named Race Wars London to be broadly unethical. Yeah, I don't know.

Well, the unethical society would let us do it. Oh, yeah, across the street. Across the square in like a different venue that's the same... Like an evil venue, yeah. They have a really good green room. The two-fought between the different ethical societies. I would say so. There's also an Ikea Zalia cameo here, I believe.

Oh shit, I didn't catch that. And she sort of like lurches out of a trailer and just kind of slurs at Letty, you know? Oh, not the race wars kind, just the kind of like, you know. Shit, I didn't realize that was supposed to be. I think it is. Maybe it is. Maybe it, like, they love to do this. Yeah, because they definitely give her the, like, you should know who this is and be like, you know, no edit, you know? In the same way that they had, like, Rita ORA in London.

First things first, I'm the realist. That's true. That's so true. She's in the murder business. But so, Lesie, like, races a guy with Dom's advice. And she, like, wins. Yeah, she wins. And we, she kind of has, like, her, like, moment while she's driving where we're not told this yet, but she gets a little, like, montage where, like, stuff starts coming back, you know? But she gets, she gets scared by the crowd afterwards and she lashes out, she punches a guy in the face and then flees.

This is the healing power of race wars, you know? It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. And then we get Paul Walker doing the same joke that Frank Transporter did in Transporter 2 where it's like, oh, the big dramatic driving, but then he's actually just doing the

school run. Or that the rock did and the pacifier? Or was that from the guy? Yeah. Cuts in on his fucking shoe pushing the pedal again. Yeah. There's his converse. We got a comment.

We actually got a comment on the previous one just being like, what's wrong with converse? Default shoe. Not much. Not much. Just like, I went to the shoe store and said, one pair of shoes, please, and they gave me the Converse All-Stars. There's nothing wrong with it if you're straight, but obviously, if you're gay, you're wearing vans. Nothing strictly wrong with it. It's just like, you know, do you have a prom date lined up or what? You're probably concerned about that.

It's the shoes that's assigned to you, you know? And, like, reading from bottom to top, it's the converse is the, like, khaki cargo shorts, the green Triforce t-shirt, you know? God. No, no, to be fair, if you've got the converse that are like thigh-high converse that have laces all the way up, that's fucking cunty. That's, well, you're back. Then you are posting the e-girl engagement stuff. Like, would you date a trans girl with like three billion likes, you know? Yeah, and that, you know, that's valid.

Yeah, I wrote in the replies being like, yes. Yes. Yes, queen. Queen. I told you last week, we're already dating. We are embarrassing ourselves by earnestly replying to ego tweets in 2026. We're asking them how their day went. I love earnestly replying.

I'm not embarrassing myself. I'm just making my partner feel good. It's like showing up at work, you know, being like, hey, I hope you having a good day. Hey, Dave. Did you rain any good dicks today? Yeah, shit. I mean, they've got to have seen some good ones. Yeah, he's doing the school run.

He's in a minivan. He's dropping off his kid in a minivan. And the teacher, the like hot female teacher, is like, you don't seem like the minivan type, which presumably means that Mia is, like, they have the minivan. He doesn't know where the door button is, so it's this like first time driving it, despite the fact that his child is however many years older child is when they have to start going to school. She used to race cars. Where's, like, what?

God knows. Also. But it's woman shit, though, isn't it? Yeah, like real time capsule, like in that it was, this was 11 years ago. No one's the minivan type now because everyone got polarized into driving SUVs. There's not really... Now they're all driving the fucking Resvani that the Rock was driving in the last one. So, oh, you'll get used to it.

Don't worry. I love when my mum comes to pick me out from school and she's wearing the like DSS body armor. Like... Race Wars, California. I'm in the Resvani. Mom, can you come pick me up from racewals? Get it! Get it! Now! No! No! Just drop off, get as fast as fucking possible.

Again, he's doing the set Like, Paul Walker, they don't know how to characterize this guy He's just looking at everyone Like he's slightly scared and a little confused Again, it's all he does. Yeah. But he drops the kid off and then drives And we cut to Letty, who is visiting her own grave.

I think this is the closest a woman has come in this franchise To being a person. Is this scene? Yes, right, I was going to say that. Well, Lettie's standing in front of her own grave And Dom comes to visit her and letty says, I need some time away from you, Dominic Toreto. I need to go and figure out who I am as a human being, as a person on my own, separate from you,

because I can't be with you right now. I need to be an independent human being. And I'm just like, this is the closest a woman who's come to, like, sapiens in this, like, seven movies. Dom is like, I can, I'll destroy the gravestone with a sledgehab or something. And she goes, no, because it's true. Like, Lettie did die then. I'm a different person. I don't even remember all the same stuff.

Like, this is broadly accurate. Because I was for swammed by. to Gawney Weaver in that movie The Assignment when I was Frank Kitchen and then... Yeah, she probably doesn't even realize that she was... A-maab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ...to sort of escalate to a grave desecration out of nowhere.

Yeah, and he says, I should have done this a long time ago. She's like, no, no, you shouldn't. Lettie is the most stealth any trans woman has ever been. Even she doesn't fucking remember. Self-stel. Waking up in the hospital, like, whose pussy is this? Um, but like, I... The other question,

I guess this is getting back to the, like, church deconsecration from Die Hard 3. What do you... Is it still desecracing a grave if nobody's in the grave? Like, is that a lad? Answer's on a postcard, please. Answer is on a postcard. I guess Lettie saying, don't do it is the closest you'll get to being no. But if she wasn't there, yeah.

I guess, I guess, like, reasoning on this, like doing sort of deductive philosophy. If, like, smashing up a grave, an empty grave with a sledgehead. It's got to be kind of like going running in one of those weighted vests that gets you like called, gets like armed police called on you. Yes. It's not wrong, but the sort of confusion that it causes leads you to the apprehension that it might be, you know? Well, counterpoint, you can't desecrate the tomb of the unknown soldier, even though there's no one in there. I think you, I think we, between us, we can desecrate.

Yeah, that's my point is that you can desecrate that, even though there's no one in it. No, there's someone in it. It's just unknown. Is that? Yeah, that's the point. It's just some guy. I don't know. Like, they never identified the unknown soldier. That's why he's unknown, yeah.

Oh, but is he meant to be a standard for all the unknown soldiers, or is he just the only one they don't know? Certainly has become that, definitely. Yeah, yeah. But, like, he is also a guy in himself. Is there really a guy in there? Yeah, there's a guy in there. They, like, picked one of, like, four coffins at random, like, of, like, unidentified soldiers. No, no, no.

Oh, my God. We should find out who that is. Yeah, get bones on this. Yeah, bones from bones. Like this unknown soldiers, unknown soldier storage? I wouldn't do with the other three. Chuck them out, fuck them. Basically.

Like... Put them in the tomb of the known soldier. Desecration is not a real crime. Getting a knock back at the audition for unknown soldier, just like, oh, sorry, you know. We really liked you, but... We love you, we love you. Yeah, love me less, hire me more. Anyway, the rock. Once you find out where the unknown soldier's dad is, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, of course.

Fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to set up the next character, which is... the rock. The rock is working late. He's working late. He's still wearing the fucking underarmar in the office. He is. I like that every movie he's in, his goatee gets slightly shorter until it will be gone.

It's like asymptotic facial hair. It's very funny. There's also clearly a little bit self-conscious about the fact that he's wearing the underarmament tank top in the office because he goes, oh yeah, all this work I've been doing chasing guys who are not Dominic Tereto or Owen Shore means I get to like work out. much more often in the office. Yeah, yeah, he's like, wipe it away, sweat at the desk when you see. He's got like, okay. Elena is there, Elena the Brazilian cop that Don briefly fancied, and basically like he,

the Rock kind of buys her a bus ticket out of the series? He seems to, yeah. Yeah, he gives her a letter of recommendation for something. We never really find out what this is, but whatever. It's called the Avengers initiative. No, it's like, it's called being in other movies. But as he walks back in the office, Frank Transporter is like, you forgot to press Windows key and L. And he's on his computer.

He's using his computer. Yeah, yeah. Windows L. To Google, who is Dominic Touretta and where does he live? The Rock gets some more fucking smarmy outslides. He's like, you just said yourself a dance with the devil boy. And it's like, uh-huh. Yeah, sure.

Boy. Okay. Yeah. And then we do get a pretty sick fucking fight. between Frank Transporter and the rock. How many panes of glass can you shove a man through a question? First asked by police story and really continued by this. I don't know, but the 90 degree tilting the camera chokeslam through a glass table is a pretty fucking cool shot.

I'll give the director that. It's a pretty cool shot that they then reuse about a minute later when the rock, getting his ass beat goes for the office sink gun from no time to die. If we remember this bit, a key. Part of Personal Security is keeping a gun taped to the underside of like your kitchen sink, or in this case the office coffee table. Smart. Yeah.

Just in case there's like an argument at work or something like that. Yeah, just keep a loaded firearm in the office. Yeah. Just in case you need to conduct a workplace shooting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The KJB studio is like lousy with them. If you run an electromagnet over KJB towers, you get like more guns than like a West Australian gun buyback scheme.

It's like bad. Anyway, this is pretty cool And also, like, I will say this, we already knew this from the trans-bubble, like, Jason Statham, fucking good physical actor. Like, he's fighting in it. He's a fucking good martial artist.

And it is very funny to see him do a bunch of, like, high kicks and shit on the rock because it's like watching somebody, bunch of Buffalo. It's really good. He's just, like, they're making money with it. He's just so big, it's not doing anything. It's really good.

He's just not really selling it. It's, the thing is that the franchise is popular enough now that, like, it's making money. So it's got a director. They've got a real director for this one. The guy who did some of the Saw movies. Yeah, the guy who did insidious in the Saw movies.

And they've got real choreographers. So, like, the granular details like this, very well done. Overall, this movie is evil, and we'll get into that more and more later. But, like, individually, good scenes. Good scenes, great fun. It's well-made. We do also find out, by the way, that, like, Frank Transporter, before he has, like, had to fight the Rock has learned Han's location. Tokyo, Japan.

This is also where we got a shot of Han's full name, which is Han's soul-oh, like, like the capital of South Korean, oh, like the Korean surname. Yeah, it says that on the file. I didn't notice that, but it's quite funny. I've written, fuck off. Yeah. The thing, okay, I'm sorry, I've just seen a screen cut. Jason Statham is not a very tall man.

He's... No, no. And the rock. The rock is a very tall man. Sure, but yeah, okay, fine, fine. Wait, how tall is the rock? He's like 17 feet tall. The rock is like 8 feet tall.

If the rock were a fire truck, he would be the biggest one. The mountain is the right. He's the biggest one in the world. But yes, yes. The rock is 6 foot 5, okay? That's why Jason Staten looks. Yeah, he's got a good six inches on him. Like, I don't...

I'd love to see that. Anyway, so we cut now across to Jordana Brewster's got a fucking brief scene in this. Here she is. Because the fight ends because, like, Frank Transports's dealers, he has bombs, right? So he, like, blows up the office to get away and, like, injures the Rock who, like, is blown out of a window saving Elena, who has just wandered back into the office to be like, damn, wonder what all that gunfire is about. Yeah, like, are you shooting in here? What's happening? They hit that car so fucking hard.

I've just written dead. There's no way. There's literally no fucking way. The Rock is hamburger. this point. The rock has been eroded, like glacial drift. He's gone. He's again all over the ground out now, but maybe Elena's fine. Yeah. We cut across to the Fast and Furious House. I also got some angry comments about this because I offhandedly

referred to this. I guess I didn't put enough respect on how much money it would cost to live in this house in Los Angeles. Sorry, it's an expensive house. But it gets blown up in this scene, right? It does. It does. So Paul Walker's doing the school run again. and Mia and Dom are having a scene with like, oh, you know, he's struggling with civilian life and just in case listeners, you thought that they were going to give Mia a character now that she's had her baby.

She's like, I'm going to have another one. I'm pregnant again. I'm pregnant again. It's a girl this time. Fucking girl. Yeah, yeah, great, okay. And she is worried that Paul Walker would, will resent her for making him settle down

and do family life, which I think is a discussion to have before you have the first child and certainly before you have the second one. Yeah, like you could have not had that child, remember how you didn't have that discussion? She's very much like, I don't want my sort of man-child husband to be mad at me because he has to take care of another kid, which really is sort of like a... Yeah, what the fuck? Women should not have to worry about this.

I would say that is your husband's problem, you know? Yeah, they're not even married. Yeah. And again, there's no pushback on that. Like, he is just a man-child and, like, he becomes okay with it at the end, and that's his, like, art. He's still like, he's not going to be able to play with cars anymore. And as he has told Dom, he has like the kind of PTSD where he doesn't miss the cars, which is happy because they're barely a part of this movie, but he does miss the bullets, right?

He misses the danger. Yeah. And so he's sort of like, he's seeking that out again. Also, everyone looks 10 years younger than the last one, which is... Yeah, I will say, Mia Teretta looks great. Great. Don't know what she's had done. Famously having kids just like takes years off you.

Yeah, she looks fantastic. Yes. She looks fine. Very different than she did before, but like still great. Okay, yeah. It's like a different person's face, but it's a good one. Yeah, she looks different, but just as good. I can't, you know, I can't fucking talk about that.

Speaking of a different person's face, Paul Walker is spending most of his time with his back to the camera, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The family, the family's 9-11 happened. 14 years after America. Because they've got a big package on the doorstep from Tokyo, and they like mention it once at the start of the scene. They're like, what's Hans send to me now?

Yeah. And then when they're like halfway down the staircase to the car, Dom gets a ring on his phone, and it's Frank Transporter from the post-credit scene of the previous movie, and the three-quarter-marked scene from Fast and Furious Three, where Han eats shit and dies, to be like, I did this, by the way, and I'm coming for you. Yeah, just to situate you in the timeline, Tokyo Drift has now happened. Tokyo Drift is happening right now as this phone call goes through.

Yeah. Which is, okay. So, yeah. So Frank Transporter is calling him on a flip phone. Yes. Yes. Okay. And it's just like, I just murdered your friend who was hanging out with an alarming

number of high schoolers. Mm-hmm. Really kind of doing the world maybe a favour there. And they blow up Dom, they blow up the Fambly's house. He does blow up the Fambly's house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're shit. This is when they find out also

that Hobbs has been injured, right? Yeah. They go to the hospital and Elena's there and she says the first thing he said was, get me Dom, like a submissive pirate. Yeah, I wrote the first thing he says was

get my Don. And I was like, She's on her way. Don't worry. Getting the sort of paramedic don, like, they're rocking up in the, like, fast car or the motorcycle before the ambulance. They're trying to get me, like, I'm lying half unconscious. They're trying to, like, rouse me just so that they can learn who my dom is so that they can ring them. It's on a medical alert bracelet, you know, like, I've got a number on the collar that can call. Like, I mean, this is, this is, as we see later in this movie, a bit of doming is more effective first aid than CPR.

And he has to do. Yes, we see that one of those like motorcycles that has urgent blood on it, but it says urgent come. Urgent dom, the dom bike. Shit, okay. Come delivery. Now, the rock in the hospital bed looks comical. This is the biggest man in the world. And I can't help but notice this must now be the era where he can't look weak in a movie because he's like semi propping himself up and like flexing both biceps every.

time the camera's on him. He wants to look good for his Don. Also, Elena says he's broken his collarbone, and then it's like, no, his collar bones are fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Like, this fucking scorpion king ass motherfucker. Anyway, Dom walks in and he says the line, you risk life and limb to save the free world, and this is what they get here.

And I'm like, Dom's really come around on cops. Yeah. Considering how much he hated them in the first movie, right? Once we figured out that they were also a kind of family, it was fine. Also, how the fuck does Hobbs still have a job after all the illegal shit? Like, he threatened a member of NATO in the last one. Like, and before that, he murdered Brazilians. Like, what the fuck?

This all takes place in kind of the long Trump administration, I think. Yeah, okay. The thing that really gets me here is, and this is, I think, the ultimate condensed, like, fantasy that makes this dad slop is Hobbs has a daughter, right? Yes. whose role in this movie, taken analytically, is to materialize in the room, hype up her dad as like the coolest motherfucker in the world, and then leave, like get ushered out of the room. Exactly.

Is this a producer's kid or something? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's just meant to make Hobbs relatable to Dom. He also cares about family. He's got a kid, he's got a family. And also all the producers at this time, they all have like young kids too. Or like, what do you think about it?

The most important thing in a world is having a young kid. Mm-hmm. Because they get to gas you up. Like, when your kid tells your friend, my dad could beat you up, and that that friend is not allowed to, like, contradict your kid, that's what it's all for. I'm contradicting your kid. Straight away, so. Well, Dom basically does as well.

If you watch the documentary Fast and Furious Five, I actually won that way. Yeah, roll back the tape, I think. The other thing that the daughter does is give Elena a reason to leave the scene because Elena, again, within child care, like, is the one who takes her out of the room. And then, then we can just have the man-to-man scene that we all wanted to have in the first place. He's like, Frank Transporter, he's gay, he's bisexual, he's transgender. Oh, he's the toughest man in the world. He's like, he's so scary. He roared dog to Ukrainian woman in the back of a car once.

He's gay. He's with a French detective. He lived in a lighthouse. Yeah. You think you had a bad time with the last British guy. Well, this British guy is even tougher than the previous one. He's even more British. It's kind of like Abby's brother a little bit in some ways.

It's interesting as well. They do a bit of kind of like alienation here where it's like, so Frank Transporter and his brother were both like deniable black ops assassins on behalf of the British government as like a kind of necessary evil thing. and then the British government lost control of them, tried to send guys to assassinate them, it didn't work,

and since then, Frank Transporter has been, like, out in the world, just frankly transporting things. And I'm like... So this means... Okay, so this movie takes place in 2015, and that means that, like, this Black Ops assassination program

was happening under David Cameron. Yeah, David Cameron was like, we need to kill Frank Transporter. It's... First of all, it's funny. It's funny enough to imagine the British government wanting to spend money on anything, let alone necessary evil assassins.

But also, that's the thing that the Americans were doing predominantly at the time this movie was made. But they don't want to own that. And as we'll see, the way this movie treats the CIA, it's like, no, it's like the British do the kind of assassination stuff. We're just around. Remarkable thing? It was Nick Clegg, actually, in the coalition government.

He was the one of really pushing for killing Frank Transporter. And all they had to do is Titan benefit sanctions. 5P plastic bags, Titan benefit sanctions, and end of conference trades, you know, bags for life and the death of Frank Transportor. I think a lot of people feel betrayed by the Lib Dems on a couple of reasons, right? They said they weren't going to introduce tuition fees and then they introduced tuition fees and put up tuition fees. They said they weren't going to kill Frank Transporter and then they tried to kill Frank Transport. it, you know? It's just, this is really kind of typical, like, coalition stuff, you know? I know. It's so fucked up, because I remember the debate where...

Kleg was on stage being, like, I will not kill Frank Transportor. I won't do it. Either way. Yeah. I remember, like, going to protest where it was, like, you know, you said you weren't going to kill Frank Transportor. They're like, EMA is getting cut, and they're killing Frank Transportor. Yeah, I remember when you started your YouTube channel because they tried to kill Frank Transporter. That's exactly why I did it, yeah. Just so upset about it. The Rock says the phrase,

they created a monster, which activates my subroutine where I automatically say out loud because nobody wants to see Marshall known at war. They want shady, I'm chopped liver. And cause my wife to go, what? I'm like, don't. It's fine.

But. So anyway, the Rock is like, unofficially leave this guy alone. No, no, officially leave him alone. Unofficially kill him. Let me get that the way, way around. Yeah, officially leave this guy alone. unofficially get his ass.

Of the record, don't do anything to this guy. It's really funny. On the record, kill him. I'm ordering you to kill this guy. That's what Nick Clegg was saying back in the day. All right, we're all gonna kill this guy. Wait a minute. Don't just, it's fine, don't kill him. I'm just saying that. I'm just saying that.

This is a Thomas Abeckett got got. Special boat service, 1990 to 1999. They put Mia Torreto and the child in a fucking box in the Dominican Republic. This is a... This is so fucked up. Why isn't this Don Omar or Tago Calderon or something, like one of the guys that we know before?

Because they just drop them off in some rich guy's mansion and it's someone we've never seen before and it could have been one of our other guys. Or have it be Paul Walker! You've got an excuse to write him out of the movie! Just be like, actually, I'll do the childcare this time. Mia, you go be in the movie because you're alive! They had so much footage of Paul Walker.

We're like, well, we can't, we can't get rid of all of it. And there's a really weird view of the Dominican Republic, specifically here, where this rich guy we've never met before goes, if anyone messes with you here, they're messing with the entire country. Yeah, I'm Mr. Dominican Republic, apparently. The main guy we've seen mess with the Dominican Republic is Dominic Teresso, when he fucking killed Mr. Iguana man. The iguana trucker, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, when they talk about being in the Dominican Republic, they're talking about doing crimes in the Dominican Republic. The country that you keep robbing. Hmm. But, but no, they just fucking put them in a big locker. Also, Brian specifically does not want to go on this mission,

and Mia is the one who tells him over his objections that he should leave. She's like, no, no, no, let me do 100% of the childcare again. Go and leave the movie. Be in the movie Fast and Furious 7, Paul Walker. Cool, great. So he goes to talk to Dom and, Dom says, looks like the sins of London have followed us home, which is me when I get Morleys, then immediately get on a train for Glasgow.

Also, they're having this conversation immediately next to like a gorgeous Porsche 356, which laser transported me back to Need for Speed Porsche unleashed back in the day. So I'm mostly thinking about that for the rest of the movie, because it's not that interesting what's happening on screen. their products in the movie to avoid being blamed for the death of Paul Walker, I guess. Smart, smart. It's always the one closest to you, you know? The car maker beneath your very nose, Paul.

The stealth villain of the movie, the Porsche is in the background like, ha ha ha, ha. I got a bunch of free Porsches the second he doesn't. Do you know, after Paul Walker got killed, his family sued Porsche and Porsche settled? Like, come on, he was drive. He wasn't driving, eh? No. A friend was driving unbelievably fast in a school zone and flipped the car and died. I had to drop off his girlfriend for class.

That's what happens when you do that. Yeah, but I guess Paul didn't want to do that in court against a kind of grieving widow or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, well, this is something that we'll talk about at the end of the... A grieving 18-year-old widow. End of the movie, really, is that... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She can't even get drunk afterwards.

She's not old enough. Yeah. We then get a clip from Tokyo Drift. We get to see... We get to see Twinkie. Hey, Twink, Twink, what's up? We get to see Sean Black. We get to see...

What's his fucking name? Lucas Black? Sean Boswell. I forgot his name and called him Foghorn, Lakehorn in my notes. And the thing is... What they do is they cut from the end of Tokyo Drift to now. And that motherfucker... We don't see the race between Dom and Sean.

Yeah, we just get the bit that's before Dom's like... Cameo in Tokyo Dift where like Twinkie is going, A guy's here to race you. He said he knew Han. And then we cut. And what we get is a cut that spans 10 years of actual real life time. And Lucas Black has not had plastic surgery. Yeah.

This guy is canonically a high schooler. And this 57-year-old man wanders up to the camera and is like, oh. That must have been a stressful race, man. You look like you've aged 20 years and 20 minutes. It's like they say, in wages of fear. Like, you can age, you can turn 100 overnight. Yeah, he did. He did.

So, fucking old. After the last movie, Hand died, and here's your iconic cross necklace and a photo of Gal Gadot. And don't think, or whatever, man. I'm like, thanks so much, ma. Thank you. I'm not going to be in the rest of this movie. I'm not going to be in the movie. Bye.

Hashtag Charlie Kirk. Litt. I think he really tweeted. I'm not just making fun of him because of his accent. He did really tweet that. He did really tweet that. He did, no, he tweeted that. He's very anti-trans.

We're allowed to make fun of this man. Let me know so I can get some plastic surgery, please. There's a sort of errater and addenda thing here where I, I was reading his tweets about Charlie Kirk. I got the date wrong and somebody said, did Lucas Black predicts the murder of Charlie Kirk? By calling him a martyr a couple of months before he got shot. Holy shit. Holy fuck. Was he in on that?

If you drift just right, you can drift relativistically, and then you can know things before they happen. He saw every possible future, and he came back. All the blood in his brain went sideways, and he knew what was going to happen. Like a chud Doctor Strange, he saw every time. Dom Tereto and Lucas Black, like, in a room, be like, one last job, and then Erica Kirk turns around on her chair. Oh, God. The Doctor Strange, there is one pathway through this timeline thing and it's smash cuts to the Charlie Kirk assassination. I'm sorry, it had to happen. It had to happen.

That's the one way through. I'm sorry, it's the golden path. Thanos, tell me this one thing. Are you including gang violence? Including or not including. Snap. And then we cut to a funeral. It's Hans. It's Han's funeral. This whole sequence will turn to Ash when they inevitably bring him back in the next one where they're like, fuck it. Fuck it bring her back.

Also, incredibly funny, Nova, as you pointed out, it's funny that we like had this thing. We were just disgusting because one of the guys in the background to the funeral looks like something like Charlie Cook. Yeah, yeah, he does. He does. He looks exactly. One of the supporting actors in the background just looks at a fucking doppelgaggack of Charlie Cook. I put a video in the group chat where they pan past it. I just go, Charlie. Probably like a fucking seal what I saw this game.

Oh my God. It's uncanny. But so there's an evil car surveilling the funeral, and they're like, that's got to be Frank Transporter. This is actually a really good bit, actually, because Dom jumps in his iconic charger, and he gives Chase, this fantastic sound editing here, there's no music, there's just like the revs and then beats of silence. And the sound design here really conveys Dom's like anger and tunnel vision on his desire for Vendez. It's really, it's like a really good effective sequence. Again, I think this movie is well made. I do have one note, which is that they have started using fast motion on the cars again,

which I always want to punish heavily as a lack of confidence, right? Yeah, they're fast enough. Frank Transportor is driving a Maserati, Quattroporto, which is a great evil car, like one of the evil cars of all time. And we have to express, right, that these men are on some kind of like collision course with each other. So we do this with a really delicate metaphor where they go into the sort of car fighting district. Yeah, they're driving through Los Angeles and then they hop into a quick tunnel into the sort of car fight area. The Thunderdome, yeah.

Yeah, there's a Thunderdome, don't they drive at each other on a collision course. The cool shot through a turbine, like, you know, again, well-made. They play chicken and they just directly crash straight into each other. Sort of the opposite of chicken, really, like an egg, I guess. Nobody's airbags go off. Yeah, neither of them a chicken. And also, yeah, they've all disabled their cars, security. And they both get out, so you get a kind of combined, like, you know, 120-mile-an-hour car crash

that makes your neck hurt a bit. So, like... Yeah, the one where you've got, oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, big crunch. So Dom notices that Frank Transportor set him up on this because Frank Transportor reinforced his chassis of a car to make his car super tough,

knowing that Dom would do a head-on collision thinking it would kill Dom. And then they were about to have a fight and then Jason Statham just pulls a gun and he's like, I love cheating. I'm not going to punch you, I'm just going to shoot you. Do you think this was a street fight? Yeah.

No, I'm going to assassinate. No, I'm going to shoot you, bro. You killed my inexplicably Welsh brother. No, my Welsh brother. He was raised apart from me over the border, whereas I grew up in the sort of like Shropshire District of London with a heavy American influence. Yeah, and France.

Guys go Russia, Spain, yeah. At this point, Snake Piss King gets into the movie. He does, doesn't he? Yeah. Then a bunch of guys repel into the scene. Kept you waiting, huh? It's Kurt Russell. And I'm like, oh my God, it's Kurt Russell.

Yeah, Russell! My excitement sort of nosedives is I see, oh, it's Kurt Russell paying off the mortgage. It's Kurt Russell. Yes, I go, oh, my God, Kurt Russell. And then he does fucking nothing in the scene. And I'm like, oh, I see. I'm always excited to see Kurt Russell. I'm not because this is Kurt Russell, sort of one, like, on like, sort of gastric band surgery.

He's looking like zant for one thing. I like to wider Kurt Russell for one thing. I like a white girl. But the other is he's visibly not giving. Fuck. He's like, okay, yeah, sure, cars, whatever. I'll run my lines. I love Kurt Russell's performance in this movie because it makes absolutely no sense at all. Yes.

And we'll get to this. I love that he's giving us totally not what his character is. It's great. He comes in, he's wearing a black suit and tie. Yeah. Like full black, not grey or anything, like black, like fucking men in black type shit. Black sunglasses, slick back hair. And he calls himself Mr. Nobody.

And if you are anything over three years old, you go, got it, I know what's happening in this movie now. Yeah. We'll come back to that. We've played GTA San Andreas, right? Oh, okay, okay. Makes sense. He's Mr. CIA man, right? I'm here to recruit you and then something will happen.

Frank Transporter slips away. And so Snake Pliskin takes Dom to his base. We get some Corona product placement, which fucking sucked. Yeah, he literally, because his deal is he likes Belgian ale. And Dom is like, I'd rather have a... Corona, to which Mr. Nobody picks up the product placement Corona bucket. Yeah.

This is immediately followed by a shot, like, side on with the two of them with two really prominently logoed Dell server racks in the middle, so, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's getting their fucking money in now. This is a popular... This is why I want to talk about this so much, unfortunately, is that this is such a... Such an important and popular franchise that, like, every company and, indeed the world paedophile empire, was trying to launder its reputation through this.

And we'll, they're in it, they're part of it. Somebody's got to make a monisters. I guess I use an AOC. Someone's got to provide the computing. You use AOC? Yeah, my monitor isn't AOC. Well, what's weird about, oh, because it's common with the, yeah, as far as I know, my monitor has never funded sales to Israel.

I think mine is Alienware. I don't know what that is. But so, Alienware is the division of Dell now. So you're fucked. You got a non-smontosa. I'm sorry. Ah, non-s machine. Shit. I'm just a...

Anyway, Snake Plaskin is like, yo, there's a bigger mission going on here because a guy we'd love to see Juman Houns, who is the terrorist shooter. He has kidnapped a mysterious hacker named Gordon Ramsey. Who has developed a universal

spyware program. We need you to rescue Ramsey and in exchange, you can use the spyware program to find Frank Transport. Because it could, like, hack every camera on the planet at once, right? The hunted will become the hunters. Like from the Dark Night, right?

And also, the other thing about this is, if you remember how the arc of this movie has gone from like, fuck cops, we don't trust cops to, well, we trust cops, but maybe the cops can have other agendas, right? We trust individual cops to, well, we trust cops, but the FBI can have their own agenda to, well, we trust the FBI, but individual FBI agents can be, like, well, we trust the FBI, but individual FBI agents can be, like, like kind of annoying to we trust the FBI and then we jump all the way to you know who's cool and you can trust is the CIA yeah you know what I love the state

I've actually changed my mind the state are on our side is the CIA a fan bully I think so I don't know I think so they probably have like barbecues yeah well now's a good time to like bring up what Kurt Russell's doing

and like Dev I think you and I are of one mind on this the way Kurt Russell is playing these scenes only makes sense if like he's going to turn out to be the secret villain later on. Yes, absolutely. It doesn't make any sense if he doesn't.

He's so charming. Like, that's why you hire a good actor like Kurt Russell, but then it just, it just never happens. It's more like, hold him to the movie. He just leaves the movie and I'm like, what happened, man? He's just fine. I want to see the original script before Paul Walker died because I'm convinced that Kurt Russell was the villain before the rea. They just straightforwardly can trust him, even though he is, like, jerking himself. off the whole time.

He's speaking arch, and going, ooh-hoo. He's like doing mustache twirling shit, and then he's just fine and normal. He just has an innocent mustache twirling stim. He's just a completely, like, trustworthy, man and, like, good friend. Yeah. It's me, Colonel Red Herring. I'm here to have to strive for a little bit. I'm resting evil face, you know?

Like, it's a real tragedy when that happens. But he's like, but your team's already here. You don't need to do it, assemble with the team on time like all over time. I've taken a liberty of assembly of a single. assembling the team off screen. That is my note verbatim is, I have taken the liberty of doing your gathering the team montage. It's sort of like the Simpsons gag,

you know, by popular demand, we will forego our national anthem, right? Yeah, let's just get on it. Four times in a row would be a bit too many, so we're like, you know, it's just done now. Lettie's just here now. You might think, oh, did she find herself? Did she go and do anything?

Did she, like, discover any internalities? She's like, no, Dom, I'm right or die. I'm like, great, cool. I thought we were going to do something interesting for a second. Yeah, she needed like a 15-minute vision quest, and now she's just totally good. Off screen. Yeah. Women exists for men in this franchise.

Roman Pierce remembers stuff we did in previous movies, because he's like, yo, it was crazy when we did the thing with the plane, and then it was crazy when we did the thing with a tank. Yeah, I remember the tank. But now you're telling me that we're going to have to do something that's even cooler than those things. Whoa. We're going to attack a convoy of trucks in Azerbaijan

where Gordon Ramsey is being held. Because, of course, the Carmen is the enemy of the trucker. Much like any traditional road, it starts where it begins and it only goes to where it ends. So there's nowhere for them to attack them midway down the road. The thing about the road is there's two things. It's about where you've been and it's a bit where you're going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Romans, like, we got to attack them at a third place they're not expecting. The place that would be two students. for anyone to possibly attack us. Well, so the road is about where you've been and where you're going, but what if we attack them where they is? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

And the sort of like, a chud-taxical guy who should be the kind of henchman villain is like, that's a stupid idea. That's stupid. It's never gonna work. Yeah. You can't attack them where they is. Everything we learn in like Special Forces school says that you attack- you attack them where they're going to have been.

Yeah. Yeah. would have was a bit... The subjunctive pass. Yeah. One team's going forward, the other is inverted. The subjective pass is what happens when I go to the bathroom and the woman... This woman glares at me, but doesn't say anything.

Anyway. So... If you don't get thrown out, you pass, baby. That's a de facto pass. I think so. It's like a C-minus, you know? It's also, no, Tej, ludicrous, Q, is just on his fucking phone the entire way through this scene. Because that's what, like, a cool guy does.

That's what, like, a tech guy does. You can see the kind of influences of the thing that is eventually going to poison the world here of just everybody being on their phones. This is also... That's also why I wanted to talk about the movie, yeah. Both huge victim and huge beneficiary here of the problem we talked about previously, where, like, 90% of the cast is just standing around for most of the scenes. So, Paul Walker can be, like, with his back turned, getting a beer out of the mini-fridge, using stock footage from other Paul Walker movies, being, like, doing the Hitler diving out the window thing from Danger 5. Like, anytime they go to Paul Walker or his inner scene, it's like, uh, he, he's like, you know,

his head is behind this globe that we had in the office. They had his brother Cody Walker doing like the stand-in for him a lot of the time. So, like, even easier than that, like, we don't even need to do the facial replacement. We've just got his brother to grow the same facial hair and had him in the background of shots. That's actually, that's a little bit beautiful. Shooting Paul Walker like Muhammad in the message where you just have like a really bright light instead of the face, you know? Yeah. We'll get to that later. It is kind of beautiful.

Again, they really liked this guy. So it's very heartfelt. Yeah, it is. Very sincere. Anyway, so they get in some cars on a big plane, and they parachute in the cars into the Azerbaijani mountains. It's kind of sick. Yeah, it's got off in the plane. Yeah, I mean, there is some stuff in the briefing that I wanted to talk about really. Where Paul Walker's only real line here is to bond by, like, publicly humiliating Roman over, like, a sexually active woman in high school. He references him going to the prom with no knees, Denise.

Yes, I also wrote that. I didn't understand the nickname. Why doesn't Denise have any knees? Because I guess she's going to suck you off. If you were sucking people off. Oh, I thought, oh, I thought she was just like, disabled. No, no, they're saying she's easy. That would be cruel, certainly. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's like, you know, this comes to prom with a slut. It's all evil in that what they're doing right here is just like dropping a new kind of random child that they remember. Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't know. Do you want to go to prom with a... Slot? Is that not the...

I don't know. I don't know. The other thing that I wanted to pull out is that is that Don does. say this time it's not about being fast. Yeah. Because it's about being furious. Yeah. So the like cars intelligence agency like gets them a bunch of like custom cars loads them onto a plane and...

They're doing illegal incursion into Azerbaijan. Yeah, the dealer's they're going to like drop out the back of the plane and parachute in the cars. When they say boots on the ground in Iran, this is what they're sending Trump as briefing material. This is what he thinks they're going to do. He's just looking at clips of us, me like, whoa. Also, for a vision of what happens when you try and do this and don't open the back door of the plane, listen to, well, there's your problem. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yes, they add up the target. It's a convoy. It's like a pretty cool action sequence to chase down the convoy. I love that the convoy has an evil bus, right? Yeah, I like the evil bus. They're keeping Gordon Ramsey in this sort of. like murdered out sort of black matte paint job bus

and the deal is if they get Gordon Ramsey to their secret black side then they're going to torture her for information and that you know they're going to get the thing that they need so they have to do it for them. Not sure why they couldn't torture her on the evil bus but fascinated by

the bus as a kind of mysterious third actor and the carman trucker sort of adversarial relationship. I think it's on the side of the trucks. It's got it deployed mini guns out of the size. It's got sick. Yeah. It's It's a remarkably armoured version of diehard fours, like, truck wherever, all the computers are. It's like a mobile command center, but it's got mini guns on every ordinal surface.

This is like you transport Magneto inside of it. Yes. Yeah, basically, basically. I think the bus's allegiance is mysterious and negotiable. It's hard to know. It really is hard to know. It seems like they're with the cars here. It's hard to say.

But so certainly with the evil cars. We get a lot of good evil cars in this movie, including a lot of Mercedes is with the logo spray-painted black, which is cool. Also, there's a guy on the bus. There is, Tony Jar from Ongbach, baby, my fucking boy. That's right. Hell yeah. I'm like, oh, we're going to see this guy do some white tie.

Hell yeah, baby, yeah. That does rock, actually, because they pull the back off the bus and Paul Walker jumps on and has a fight with this guy. Ramsey, the hacker, turns out to be a gorgeous 10-0-10 smoke show. She's kind of like zip tied and wearing a bag over her head and like a cage and like me on an average first date. Just get that, tick that box off the recap. The one thing about the fight scene is I can't fucking see. No, no, it's a little too confined to space. That is very true, yeah.

Yeah, it's super hard to have a fight scene with someone who you can't film. I mean, you're already presumably using a stunt double. But it's, yeah, it's doing a lot of the same stuff as like Fast 5 where it's like lots of fast cuts and it's kind of low light as well. They do get a cool moment. You know, I love a rotating set when the bus flips on its side. They're fighting in the side of the bus. I like it.

I like it when actors have to do a fight scene in a set that moves and tilts, you know? I think that's fun. The way that Haskell's right is they do it roughly, I would say, three hours of chase here. And then in the course of the fight scene, the guy who has just been placidly driving the bus this whole time gets shot. And that was, he was the king of the highway, you know, he was just locked in. He didn't even notice.

He was just like, yeah, he had the radio on. He was listening to Scott Mills, oblivious of what was about to happen, Scott Mills. Also, they initially, like, disable the bus with the car PG from previous movies. But then it gets, the guy gets shot in the struggle because one of the, chase cars behind them. There's a guy who, instead of a car PG, has a regular boring RPG that disables your car by firing an explosive at it. Boring. Yeah, yeah.

It's not as good, I guess. Yeah, I suppose not. But as this henchman beats up Paul Walker, he locks him inside the bus as it's about to go off a cliff, then takes a moment to turn back and go too slow and then runs away, and I'm like, Cronstein, Rosette. Cronstein, Rosette for that henchman, hell, yeah. I think so. I think so. Yeah, absolutely. So Paul Walker now has to negotiate the end

the Italian job because the bus slides halfway off a cliff and he's stuck in the end and he's like, why didn't Michael Kane just open the door and parkour it? Is he stupid? He runs over the top of the bus. Yeah, why don't it looks like, just do parkour. Cool, man. Oh, cool.

Very much improved. Very much improving. This is the thing. They keep doing like shit to Paul Walker's character in this. It's like Final Destination. They keep almost killing him and I'm like, oh, are they about to write him out? Is this the moment where he dies? And then they can face his mistakes and And then, nope, nope, they keep not doing it. I'm like...

So Don has rescued Ramsey and she's in his car. And they get blocked in on a cliff edge by evil cars. Like that one... But who is chasing them before that happens? Because Frank Transportor, the Frank Transporter rolls up. Someone... We cut across to Mr. Nobody and he goes, Sir, an unidentified vehicle is approaching the convoy.

And we see an armored vehicle a roach. And we go, I know who that is. Yeah. And this is what he does. for the entire rest of the movie is just arrive three quarters of the way through a scene and make everything harder for everybody and you know what I do like that

A lot of sort of like cars bashing into each other but so ultimately what he's good at what we end up with is Ramsey is in Dom Teresso's car Dom Teresso's car is on a cliff edge surrounded by evil cars like that one meme with all the guys surrounding the girl on the couch that I don't know what it implies

if I ever find out what that is I'm sure I'll be scandalized or whatever, but whatever it's about. Could be anything. Gmon Honsu shows up. Yeah. He commands all of these mercenaries. He does. They're just criminally underused

in this movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's like, hello, I'm here to do one of my two scenes in this movie. Yeah. Point and go kill that guy. Most of what he does. Yeah. And then Dom whips up a big dust cloud. He calls up the powers of storm. And then just drives off a cliff, rolls the car a billion, billion, billion

in times. He does butch and sundance with no river and just kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's fine, he walks it off. This is something that I noted over the course of this is that Dom Torreto is no longer just cause Jesus. He's now sort of, he's sort of, Gratos in a lot of ways.

He's kind of like, he's, he's got some more powers. He has, he has gravity powers. He's got some more powers. Yeah, yeah, he just totally walks away from this. Again, the airbags don't go off. Yeah. Also, Ramsey walks away from it. Yeah, with, he has just like, he's

With her eyeliner intact, I want crash-proof eyeliner. Anyway. Ramsey, by the way, Natalie Emanuel. So now that I can finally reveal that I am in House of the Dragon season three, I can tell you that there was a moment when we were filming it where a wave cannon went off in my face and blew all of my makeup off except my mascara. So I, if you want waterproof, if you want like super waterproof mascara, Longcombe mascara is, if you get hit in the face with a wave cannon, that mascara will stay where it is.

Longcombe. Oh, okay, sure. And if you have a less waterproof mascara, that's a really quick and easy way to just take all your makeup off at the end of a day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, right, so Ramsey is not a character, right?

She's not a character, no. She's hot. She's British. She's like, oh, I'm... She's a turf. Because she's like, life is binary. Everything is either one thing or the other thing. I'm just like, all right, all right.

Yeah, she says life is binary, and I am so sorry, bitch. But if you don't have at least a them in those fucking pronouns, you are fucking me up. I can see you. I don't think of it. Not on this fucking podcast. It's not. She's like, I mailed my flash drive to Abu Dhabi, the coolest place in the world to go on holiday or open a small business. And I wrote, please, please go to Abu Dhabi.

Right now. Right now. Present year. Time of recording. Yeah, if you'll listen to me. Get on a plane right now. Yeah. We get a really funny. drop, if I had drops from Dom. He just says, we're going to the Middle East. He goes, we're going to the Middle East. And I'm like, let's fucking go.

And we get the, all the fish ons. Ooh, there's sand, there's camels. And then it slowly pans up and there's a, there's a city right there in a desert. Whoa, don't you want to go to that city in the desert? Look at all these women in bikinis everywhere. And it took me a little bit of research, but I do have a joke here. I've got,

Limada La Tachabu Ilau Al-Fauk Youmuk You can't call his a Swaa-Makombo

mokubkabille 15 dirums yeah, lequah. Which I think is broadly accurate. Well done. Well done.

Well done, that's fantastic work. This is a high-effet podcast. It's a high-effet podcast. You got a shaw-maccombo for 15 dirums. Oh. Also, there's a

seen on the plane where Dom tells Paul Walker, hey, you shouldn't be in these movies anymore, and Paul Walker's like, yeah, maybe not. Yeah, I'm starting to think that. We'll see how I feel like that. We do. We do the bikini shots again in Abu Dhabi. Yeah. Yeah, there's just so many women with their asses out in Abu Dhabi,

and I'm like, uh, ass, ass. So we go to like Arab fixer character, just not a character. Right, but first Ramsey comes out of the ocean in a bikini so that Roman and Ludacris can be like, damn tides. Life isn't binary, I just re-decided. Yeah, Roman and Ludacris are like fighting over her, like, dogs over a scrap.

This is the first, like, big example of the thing that this movie tries to do, of having its cake and eating it, right? But it all have two characters that it explicitly tells you are cool, be misogynistic to a woman, and then have a third character go, yo, you can't do that. Hey, don't say that. Yeah. But it's like epic, though. It's not like that's wrong to say about someone. Yeah, and that's like... That is a poison to your soul and theirs

to think about another human being like that. They're just like, no, she'll kill you. You're still friends with them. Yeah, also, she has to be sort of like violent in self-defense. So like so hard that like our fixer character who isn't really a character goes, I tried to call dibs on her once and she need being the balls so hard I exploded or whatever. And it's like, that's fucking epic, dude. What about how, like, what, it just, we're teaching a bunch of people here, like, oh, when women don't like it when you treat them like shit, they, like, sort of like violent towards you rather than, like, most of the time of just being sort of like, you know, constrained by social pressures to have to accommodate that shit in a way that doesn't cause you to enact violence on us.

Anyway, um, ridiculous. The guy is like, oh, you have to go to next location, which is these three, like, gigantic towers. that I hope the IRGC fly shade drones into. Don't think. Don't think. Don't think. Don't think. The device, whatever device, is inside a different device that I gave to a billionaire and he put it in his car, which is on the Brazilian floor of the big skyscraper. The Brazilian floor. No, the Emerasius floor. This isn't Brazil.

Brazil. This is Brazil. This isn't Brazil. This isn't Brazil. This is Brazil. We're going to the Middle East. This isn't Brazil. This is London. Thank you, Rita Ora. Since from London have followed us home. The guy's like, you've got to get into this guy's party that he's having to celebrate, I guess, the longest day of the year.

But you can't go dressed like that. We've got to get you a fit. And they put Dominic Sorretto in a suit with the biggest collar I've ever seen on a human. Sick. Yeah. It's really good, unfortunately. Dominic Tuxedo. Dominic Tuxedo, who has a sort of collar, the height.

of his own head. And they go to this party, right? They got gold women from Goldfinger. Yeah, they got the gold women from Goldfinger. They got money. Yeah, fucking women as props, women dancing around in thongs. There's a fucking, there's a supercar up on the floor that they're on. And they go, why the fuck would you put a supercar in a tower? Are you insane? And the line is, he's a billionaire. He can do whatever he wants. It's like wrong to do that, you know? It's kind of wrong to cage a bird like that. We treat Roman as the sort of comic relief here. He's both horny and useless.

Ronda Rousey is here. I saw her. Rhonda Rousey is here leading a group of all female bodyguards. Very good fighter. Acting. She's got two lines and she says all of the constituent words that are in the lines. I just, as I said, last time we did the same fight scene because it was the same movie, one of my favorite eras in the UFC was two cis women.

throwing elbow strikes and calling each other trannies. And Rhonda Rousey was a central part of that, and I just want to celebrate that legacy of transphobia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The music is turned down for what, by the way? Just don't know if you called that. There's a specific thing. I've talked about this a million times.

My main touch point for this is a film called The Night Comes for Us, right? Which is like a kind of similar to the raid in a lot of ways. Which does a really interesting what you would sort of, tediously called girl-on-girl fight scene, right? Partly because it shares in this thing that a lot of things have, which is like, you can't, unless you are die-hard four and you don't give a fuck, you can't have a man beat the shit out of a woman on screen, right? That's too real.

So you have to contrive some circumstances where, like, epic women are fighting each other, and that's what they do here, right? The, like, contrast- The Ledy versus Gina Carano fight with better. Yeah, exactly. The night comes for us is a good example of using that to effect This is a bad one It's just not good

From the second you see Ronda Rousey Like there is one person in this movie that she's gonna fight Like there's no way They're not gonna make a fight Vince Like Vin Diesel I'm gonna make a fight anyone else It's just this is to give Lettie Something to do in the scene A

It's not gonna be Elena either Because she's babysitting at this point Yeah exactly It's not gonna be MIA Because she's babysitting at this point Roman has to create a distraction which he does with misogyny and ludicrous is like, oh, I know he didn't just say that,

which is having your cake and eating it again, because you're still friends with him and you still hang out. You're putting it in the movie. You're putting it in the movie and being like, can he say that? Yeah, he can and it's cool. It's fucking epic. It's epic.

Don't you want this? Don't you literally want this? Look at this party right now. This is what was used right here. This promise is what was used to dangle in the faces of the Gulf states to make them abandon Palestine. The purpose of a scene like this

in the most popular movie ever made or whatever it was when it came out, is to be like, look at that. Isn't this what you want? Isn't this fucking petro state Gulf monarchy slave state bullshit? What you want to live at the top of? Oh, I mean, they were on that for a long time. Shahhead, Shahed, Shahed, shahad, bhr... Like, you're fucked, it's over.

Yeah, man, not going to happen. The dream is dead. Yeah, it didn't stop them from, like, sort of, like, funding whoever in Syria or, like, in Yemen or in Sudan. some of the worst fucking government on earth. Anyway. They have to take the car. They take the car.

Because it's a movie that used to have cars in it. So they look at the car and they go, oh, that's a fucking dick-suck motors super fuck. And I'm like, amazing. Fantastic. I love this. Cool, great. The way that they use it is they get in the car and then they have to, like, they can't turn off the car.

And the car has to speed out of the thing and Dom has to jump the car from one tower. to another tower, to a third tower, perfectly 9-11ing the Terracotta army. Yeah, he does 9-11 to the UAE. But also, just before that, someone comes up in the lift. Ding! Who is it? Frank Transportor, baby!

Frank Transportor, he's here to make the scene. He's here to change the tumber of the scene. Yeah, bap, bap, bap. Yeah. Yeah, they jump from one building to the next. It's kind of cool. Just before they jump, another line that I would have loved us to have, Vin Diesel goes,

time to unleash the beast. Cool. Yeah. They crashed through the towers. They jumped to the second one. Me while I'm about to play a live show to 300 people in the unethical society. Time Unleash the Beast, baby.

There's this one bit here where Paul Walker has a really CGA face. I'm like, ooh. Yes. Oh, yeah, for sure. So there's a bit here where it's like the GTAification of this where it's just like mission complete, mission complete, right? Well, they get the thing, they bring the thing to Kurt Russell.

Kurt Russell's like, cool, thank you. for the thing. I as the CIA... This is the moment. This should be the moment where Code Russell's like, and now I will betray you all. Of course.

Instead, he's like... He's got a guy with a gun right there. Yeah, and he's just like, thank you so much for delivering me the super device. Now let us do with it exactly what I said we would do with it three scenes ago. Over to you.

As promised, you can now use it to find Frank Transporter goodbye. Yeah. Huh? What? You can trust the CIA to hold up their end of the bargain a hundred percent of the time.

Even they see and put it, they're like, really? Yeah, it's like, question my, question. Kurt? I thought you were going to betray me. What? No. The third act is, where it's just the third act is just straight. There's no twist. Yeah, the movie just ends, yeah. The thing is, mass surveillance is amazing and works, right? And so in the right hands.

Here is the second half of the two-step process where it's like, look what you can have if you just stop caring about human beings and just accept the money. This is what you can have. Look at how fun it is. No, it's no. It looks like shit. But also, resistance is impossible. You as a citizen of the earth are under total surveillance by your government, by the CIA, by whatever.

So wouldn't you rather just ignore all of that shit and do the bauble stuff? You know? This is what is being like shoved down the throat of everyone who watched this, which my understanding is everyone watched this movie when it came out. Yeah, 10 years ago. It's everyone who's like a normal age and asses. Yeah. Yeah. This is, the world that you live in, if you don't remember 2015,

the world that you live in was built by this sentiment. Yeah. Yeah. It's the Batman device. They use it to track Frank Transporter too. And this is fascinating to me. An automated factory with no people, which is... Cool.

Yeah, that's always the fantasy, isn't it? Yeah. Guess what? That's not going to happen either. You're in the UAE. You're telling me there's no slaves. Come on. I miss-heard it. I thought it was an automotive factory.

Would also be funny. But so they drive out with the CIA SWAT team, and they do the gun cocking, get ready to roll bit. And I always think when I hear the line get ready to rock and roll, I think about a guy in the back of the SWAT van with an acoustic 12-string being like, boss, I only know how to folk and roll. Is that okay? I don't know how to tuck and roll. Yeah. I don't know how to tuck, let alone roll. But they get there and then they're going to arrest Frank Charles Porter and then he

he just threatens to just kill himself. This is really good. Yeah, he's eating dinner. He's like sat at his table. Oh, did you see the dinner? Did you catch the dinner? Tell me about the dinner before I talk about the dinner. So they're like, I hope you're enjoying your last meal.

My man is eating a cucumber salad with balsamic vinegar. Does it look like he's enjoying? I mean, he's watching his figure. Good for him. I guess you had to eat a bunch of that for the shooting. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, give me cucumbers. I only want to be eating cucumbers.

And what he does, he picks up, he picks up his like napkin and like dabbs his mouth, and he's got a grenade of a napkin and he's like, grabs the pin in his teeth as he's wiping his face, and he falls away, and you see him with the pin. Never don't have a grenade on you. That's really sick. But also it's just like, he's just going to kill yourself, man? He's going to kill himself.

He's like, I also. He's like, I also have friends, Jim Honsu, and his boys. Yes, he's made an alliance with Jimon Hounsu, so Jim Hanzu and his boys rock up. Kurt Russell gets like 15 seconds of doing one cool thing and then just gets fucking gone. He gets immediately. He gets to activate the night vision sunglasses from Spy Kits 3D and then gets shot. Yeah, he like does a flip and shoots someone and then they just kill him. But he doesn't die, they just shoot him.

I'm like, I'm starting to think this guy isn't the villain at all. Yeah. Yeah. What? And then he's like, Dominic Toretta, you have to protect Gordon Ramsey because they're going to try and kill her now. She's the only one who can turn off the device,

which they now have, because we brought it with us for some reason. They now have it. Yeah. They evacuate him. He's been wounded. Dominic Tore is like, I'm really sorry about disruption to the production schedule.

We'll bring you back in a future movie. There's an interesting kind of artifact of the Global War on Terror here where he has this kind of cool, like, lamelaer body arm. which I suspect is referencing a thing called dragon skin that like... It looks like it, doesn't it?

It's kind of like scaly. Yeah. Dildos? The company, like, went bankrupt after, like, a few years. But the deal was they were trying to sell it to the military and the military tested it and it didn't work very well, but a bunch of, like, special forces and CIA guys got really invested in how cool it was.

Just a weird little time capsule. Anyway, not very much, not very important. Does Dom's cross necklace get handed back here at some point? Because I have... Oh, yeah, Falkhorn, Leghorn gave it to him. Thank you, because I have a note here that says that cross has been bouncing around like scabies and a polychial. Like, it goes between like five or six different people at this point.

It's like... Glad I'm not going to Pollyammer anymore. I didn't know that was funny. Yeah, I've very much been enjoying someone in the comments I saw refer to it as his blessed at Amulet that grants immortality, and I've been thinking of it as that the whole time now. I would say so. I would say so. No, it's Amulet.

So like, okay, do you and my house is going to come and kill Gordon Ramsey. We care about this because of reasons. So we're going to have to face them on the streets. We know. A war is coming. Yeah, they're being hunted, right? So Paul Walker calls Mia, who is like doing childcare. And he's like, if you don't hear from me in 24 hours, make the rest of the movies and move on without me.

Get a Wizcalifah song, you know? Like, and... Says, if I die in this movie, keep making these movies. Yeah. Yeah, please. She's like, I'm Prego. I remember when I got that horrible sandwich instead of a cheeseburger and fries

of fat burger for $599 comma faggots It's like Mia, I'm so glad I didn't go to fat burger and get a burger and fries for $5.99 faggot I'm so happy I mean being in that kind of relationship you do just end up saying shit like that to your wife so yeah yeah you do no this is I like this is nice

this was heartfelt in that they had to do it afterwards. It is interesting, right? Because they are like, we got to go back to the place where we're from and we know Los Angeles,

California. But we have like home field advantage. But they don't rely on community or indeed anything distinctive about L.A. It's just backdrop, right?

Like Dom goes home. Yeah, that's so right. Also, another thing I've noticed about like so many of these movies are, like, take place in L.A. at summer, but it is never pride. And like, one of the big things about Los Angeles

is that like, possibly more than any other city on earth, they go fucking big in Pride Month. It is everywhere. These movies, always summer, never pride. It's like fucking Chud Narnia. Don goes back home. He gets the BDS and Dodge Challenger back in town. It still says BDS on it.

It still says BDS on it. It still says BAS.S. In Shalphrey, we drift from the river to the sea. This podcast has just been made illegal in Australia. Meanwhile, Frank Transporter is like suiting up in his Aston Martin getting ready to also be epic. Like a drift king, I just want like a sort of like democratic government with human rights for everyone that is able to elect a drift president. Yes, I want a secular drift head of state. I think so, absolutely. Well, clearly there's only one way to solve Israel Parsing conflict once in for all and that's with an illegal street race.

Smart. This is the plot of Fast and Furious 15. Yeah, yeah. What they get? is the GTA online public server experience in that they load into Los Angeles and are immediately hunted down by a guy with an attack helicopter and a drone who spent too much of his money and his free time on doing this. Yes.

Tej comes up with the brilliant idea of, well, I'll let Ramsey's line read us out. She's hacking my hacking device. Brilliant. This is a great scene for lines that include the word hack, such as Ramsey start the hack Sir, I think we're being hacked reinitiate the hack or things of this nation

It also becomes football at some point, right? Because like Dom or rather like Brian says I need to lateral at some point someone calls Roman special teams. This is an interest and then we cut to the rock

watching football from his hospital bed. This is a couple of things right. One, this is an interesting contrast to Tokyo Drift, like, contempt for the footballman, right? But it's also, it's also kind of like how you can tell my transitory special interest from listening to my podcasts. It's like, oh, what's the thing she found a way to like shoehorn into this one? She must be into this lately, right? Well, by the same token, these were football people when they made this, I guess.

Yeah, sure. Also, we got a drop of someone saying, Brian, they took out the tower, which. Yeah. That's pretty good. So do you. You guys took out two towers. The Rock sees all this happening on the news and he busts out of his cast and says, Elena will babysit you because she's a woman.

She's not even in this scene, but like, Daddy's got to go to work now, sweetheart. I'm the Rock. I've got to go be the ghost in the machine that's going to make Devon very unsatisfied at the end of this. If the Rock were an ambulance, he would be the biggest one. And so he gets the biggest, most chud American ambulance. So it's a truck, right? The Yank ambulance, yeah. The Yank ambulance, yeah.

The Yanked Dom ambulance has got to go crazy, though. Get my God now. I'm saying. Incidentally, Dom is like, he ends up in a parking garage having a fight with Frank Transporter. Remember how a few movies ago Dom was filled with regret and shame for having beaten a guy with a tire iron because he lost control of his anger? Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he has two tire irons.

Yeah, he loses control of his anger, beat together with two tire ions. He's like, this is way better. Inexplicably begins dual wielding. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bit where the rock grabs a mini gun to like fend off the drone. And the line is, he says, I think it's to Lettie. Woman.

Woman. I am the cavalry. Except the best take that they got, he says, woman, I am the cavalry. Splitting the difference between the hill on which they crucified Jesus and a guy on horseback. I'm a cowhawry. I'm the cowhury. Put it in the movie.

No one can fucking say their lines anymore. Everyone's got caught in mouth or like, sending the cavalry. We get another Tony Jurfite scene. Which shows one interesting thing, which is... Yeah, the door thing? The door thing, like a door riding a door that gets kicked down flight of stairs, inventive enough to get ripped off by John Wick. So, you know, shout that out. Yeah, they ride a door down a comically long staircase.

Good. Yeah, pretty cool. Pretty good. Paul Walker does the too slow and kicks him down a lift shaft. Yeah. Yeah. Tony Jarb moving through this industrial environment, like he's like jumping over the tops of things. Very good.

Pretty good. Ramsey. Start the hack. Someone says send in the predator and they send in the predator drone. I want to talk about the drone for a little bit because this just continues to go to my wider point, which is a great man once said. Media under capitalism is inherently fascist. All of this is fascist. Sorry to offend.

Fascist, Drek, I believe. Neo-Foodle Drek. Well, yeah, fucking Harry Potter's back on HBO. Yeah. But this is not what a drone does. They are portraying this drone as pursuit in the way that an FPV drone is, right? On, like, street level coming after you. This is a predator drone.

It's supposed to sit in the sky a kilometer off and just, like, take out a hospital. Like, it is this being in the show and it being the like climax that they've moved up from the tank to the drone and this is what they think about it is they want you to think that this is this unstoppable killing machine because if you're in 2015 you already know that America polices its colonies through drones. This is something that was under discussion. Like Obama was the big drone guy and this is 2015. So like we all know already. So to put this in the movie and then to misrepresent. present what it is capable of is another way of just being like, look how

unstoppable America is. Yeah. Also, normal person seeing FPV drone, first person view, my brain first past the Vost. Yeah, first past the Vost drone. Yeah. So, because he's, so

Dom and Frank Transporter were fighting on top of a parking garage and the Juven Hansu fires a missile out of them which misses but which cracks the floor and Don's epic line is the thing about street fights is cracking the thing

so the Frank Transporter falls the street always wins to which I immediately hit the this isn't the street a parking garage Yeah This is private property On the second floor of a parking garage

And he stamps on the ground And it like collapses the parking garage Under Franks He's got his amulet back Yeah he's got his amulet He's more powerful now. So he uses his gravity powers. It's a piece of Eden.

He's in the Assassin's Creed universe. But so, Dom, he's then, he's then, like, caught, right? Because he can chase down Frank Transporter, who has fallen maybe to death, but you've never seen a body, so he's not dead, right? Or he'll be back. He can rescue Lettie and Gordon Ramsey, who are taking fire from the, like, helicopter. Human houndst immobility? Yeah, yeah. He chooses fambley over revenge.

He does. that notes that Frank Transporter has brought a Tesco bag for life full of grenades with him to the street fight. Very nice. Always bring a grenade to a street fight. Smart, yeah. He just loves a grenade. Frank Transporter. That's the right answer for the most calorie-heavy meal dealers.

Grenade made. Grenade snack, grenade drink. You can get a grenade snack. Yeah, yeah. You can get a grenade bar, yeah. Yeah, they've got two grenades in that. My next note just says helicopter cells seething at the BDS Dodge. Yeah, because he ramps the dodge

towards the helicopter and then chucks the grenades into it blows up Chim and Hounsoe, yeah. Like Jesus would have done. Yeah, sure. Catches the grenades bag on one of the runners of the helicopter. So it looks like he doesn't quite hit it, but actually the fucking bags up there and then the rock shoots the bag and gets it in like two hits,

which is ridiculous. I would have put some tension in there, Christ. But no, he just goes, bab, bab, blah, and it explodes. Yeah, and that's the villain done. Dom is now car Jesus in the same. sense that he is dead. Yes. Yes.

And so Brian tries to do CPR on him and, and Lessie pushes him out of the way and is like... CPR is gay. The CPR he was doing wasn't right either. I'm his Dom, right? Yeah. Let me in. I know what I'm about, right? And she's, she's remembering so hard.

She's remembering shit we haven't even seen, right? Like... I literally wrote down Dom, I remember it all as a joke. And then a second later, she fucking. She says it. She says, Dom, I even remember when we got married just to make it explicit. She's like, in their wedding vows, which we flashed back, she says, if you die, I die. If you die, I'll kill myself.

It's such a pure distillation of the Carol Pateman principle that the women in these movies exist for men. It literally exists for him. She literally is begging him on the ground. Don't die because then I'll have to die and I'm not ready to yet. like a fucking Egyptian pharaoh slave. Yeah. What is happening? Don't bury me with Dom.

Really, really funny to be in a, I guess, Dominican, presumably Catholic church being like the couple have written their own car-based and mutually suicidal vows, which I guess we're like cool with. Yeah, we're going to listen to these vows and go, okay. Yeah, it just shows the priest's face and he's going, I don't know. This works, right? It does. It does.

He's a peopal fight in Romeo plus Juliet. So, anyway, so he, like, Dom, Dom is risen, right? Hallelujah. Don goes, it's about time when she says that she remembers. Hey, all right, Matt. Cool, whatever. And she goes, why didn't you tell me we were married?

And he says, because you can't tell someone they love you. Fine, fine, fine. You know what? That's actually a pretty good reason to not tell this amnesiac woman that you're married. I guess so. Yeah. Jason Statham. Being quite pushy though.

Frank Franz Borset gets arrested and they put him in the spreader bar from secretary? Yeah. They put him in prison. Yeah, I don't know. Why'd they do that? That's not standards.

Like, look, that's just for fun. They decided to do that. They were like, fuck it. Yeah. The Rock is like, stay here until we need you for another movie. Get some more fucking smarmy-ass lines offers. Like, if you break out of here, My fist will be waiting for you.

I'm like, oh, will it? Will it? Is that a promise? Break out of here, we'll get your Don. It's been a long day without you. It has. And now we get to this bit. The second the music started coming in, I was like, oh my God.

But we're not there yet. But we're not quite there yet. Because we've got to the beach. We cut to the beach and Paul Walker is in the distance with Amir and his kid, playing in the SIF with his family. And everyone in the family stops and is just like, well, that's beautiful. Brian's really happy with his family here. I guess we're losing him to happy ending, you know?

Yeah. Here's my big problem with this. Lenses are too fast now. Okay, they're shooting these guys on like a 1.2, like, wide open. I can't see the background at all. I can only see a crisp Roman Pierce going, things are going to be different now. And I'm like, what am I supposed to take from that?

It's because this was shot on a green screen. Yeah. All of it was shot on the green. Yeah. But like, well, I guess that's my major complaint. They're indoors and underground. Try shooting at F8 on a fucking beach. All right, how about that?

Yeah. But so the family decides we're going to leave Paul Walker behind to be with Mia, who I guess also isn't going to be in these movies anymore. Yeah. Right. Yeah, he doesn't get to like hang out with this anymore because he gets his happy ending. And Dom drives away. And this is where we get the, it's been a long day.

How can we talk about family when family's all? that we got. We get the horrifying, stretched texture of Paul Walker's face on someone who is not Paul Walker pulls up, driving a car next to him, and says in approximately Paul Walker voice, you think you could get away without race, race, racing, without saying goodbye, yeah. There's a nice touch which is that he's in a white car and a white t-shirt, so we're like kind of acknowledging that he's going to car heaven. And also, I've watched this

movie in 360 of God's own P, and therefore I didn't really notice that like the face, the face was like not looking good. I watch these on a very big screen. It's bad. They reused the same shot twice. It was 2015. Like when a workshop had six months to do this, it's like, I don't know. Most of the time the CGI works, but these two shots are genuinely quite uncanny.

It's like the Pierce Brosnan and 007 racing. It's also, if you don't know that Paul Walker is dead in the sort of canon of the First and Furious movies, this is Dom Teretta, like, being sad that his best friend isn't going to go on adventures with him anymore because he has to hang out with his wife instead of with his family, which... Also, if you don't know that as the kind of movie fades to white, it says, as he drives away, into the sunset, it says for Paul. Sure, but I just...

So listeners, if you weren't around at the time, this was like a major meme moment and people made a lot of people made fun of this scene a lot. But like, it's the first Charlie Kirk. I found it quite genuinely touching. Like, it's clear they really loved him. It does kind of suggest that settling down and having kids is equivalent to death.

It does that inadvertently. It does do that inadvertently, but it does reinforce that. Yeah, it's hard to make fun of this because obviously everyone who made this really liked Paul Walker and were really, like, affected by his. untimely death. Like ludicrous is like, so heartfelt. Yeah, it is really sincere.

Yes, but you know our thoughts about, I'm about Paul. So, his beloved car will be his grave. His car will be his grave. But it is, it is actually, I was, I was actually quite moved by the ending of Fast and a Furious 7. A sentence I didn't expect to leave my mouth. But yeah, yeah, I think it's, and also the fact that, you know, they got his brothers to be his sonning. I think that's actually kind of beautiful. as well. That's very fanbally.

Yeah. Yeah. And they don't do a mid-credit scene, I guess, because they thought that would be ghost. You know, it would be disrespectful to have a third English brother be introduced. I think they're right. This even harder brother. I'm extra hard. Vin Jones. I don't know whether this is true, but I have heard that they're thinking about bringing Paul Walker back in the new one.

But how? With the power of AI. with, oh God, oh God. I don't know whether that's true, but if it is, it would really undermine this. I have an unkind thought, right? Which is that I kind of feel like you can, in this line of work, die before you actually die. Like, before you have your sort of car wrapped around a lamppost death. And I feel like they had been trying to get rid of Paul Walker for a long time.

Like, he was kind of checked out of the past couple of movies, but kind of to an extent everyone was. And part of the reason why I feel so, like, negatively about this movie is, you know, I jokingly said that like, if you, if one of your leads can die and it doesn't really affect the movie beyond a six-month delay, what use was them being alive. But, like, it is purely mechanical at this point. Like, they are making the same movie. You may as well do the thing that they actually do of reusing old shots from previous movies. Like, at a certain point, it becomes collage. And that's a really grim thought. And I guess, like, trying to think about this as a movie, as opposed to, like, you know, a fun thing to talk over with my friends is there's kind of nothing there.

It certainly doesn't bear any resemblance to, like, any of the early ones. It's just kind of, like, commodity. And it has no defining feature. beyond, I don't know, some of the workers in it was sad that one of their colleagues died, I guess. Well, you may be upset to know that this was at the time one of the most expensive movies ever made and one of the most profitable movies ever made.

So I read these numbers right now just for us. Please. Also, when you read out the numbers on the last one, the noise I made, it made it sound like I fucking came. It did a little, yeah. Because of so much money. It was a lot of money. And, okay, $250 million budget for this, okay?

At the time, one of the most expensive movies ever made, maybe even the box office take 1.5 billion dollars Oh my God! You'd better fucking believe they made another one. What can you imagine? $1.5 billion? $1.5 billion?

Holy shit, dude. And this... That is a fucking Hollywood movie! Everyone saw this. Everyone saw it and it's fascist and it reinforces ideology that has made the world so much worse is so much evil.

This is the thing. Make a movie this successful, you can't not do that. You can't, it's just, the structure happens to, you know? And so that's why it's like lowest common denominator.wmv. Yes, yes. And unfortunately, that is why I need us to talk about the rest of these movies.

And that's, that's kind of a shame when you think about, like, this is something that came, that happened to, like, a kind of point break rip-off and, like, a fun movie about drift-rake. racing that liked cars. They don't like cars anymore. They don't like anything.

It's not about anything. Before they start making these, they Google most expensive car year of productions that this movie comes out, sought by most, and then be like, we have to have those five definitely in the movie. Those 10, maybe.

Like, they don't care about cars anymore. This is, like, they only cared about cars in the third one, was it? Tokyo Drift cared about cars in that, you could see the cars do something. something interesting and special, the drift from Tokyo Drift, and go, oh, I get it, you like that car because, like, you've decorated it and customized it, and it can, you can do this cool thing with it.

There's no, there's no fucking Hulk mobiles in this, are there? Like, no one's having fun. You never actually see them working on cars anymore. Like, it used to be that they would do the thing of, like, we got a, we need a real special car for this, and then you see Vindies all, like, wrenching on the car or whatever. And then in the last one, they had a legitimately kind of inventive, like, flip car, but that was inventive for the movie, not within the movie, right? So we don't see anything about it.

And so they continue that with this one, where it's like, okay, we need to parachute some cars out of a plane. That's a really impressive stunt, right? It's impressive to have done. It's impressive to have filmed. But to actually watch it, there's no character to it because no one's invested in it. It's just Mr. CIA gives them the cars, and they parachute the car. out of the thing. 100%.

And like Tedge as well. You didn't see them attached the, yeah. Like he was, he was the big cars guy. Like he ran the fucking races in the, in the movie he was introduced in. Like he had a... He used to own a garage. He had a garage. One of his dreams in the fourth one, I think, fifth maybe, was to open a garage with

the money. And now he's just on his phone the whole time. Like that's what's happened to this guy is he's no longer a mechanic. He's just a hacker. And what we think a hacker is, is a guy who's on his phone. Where is Suki, man? Where's his girlfriend, Suki? You can die of success.

Yeah, I mean, like, it's a terrifying prospect to me. It's coming. God, no, I just, if I ever feel that checked out of anything, I need someone to, I don't even know what, just, I don't know what, just, I don't know. Give you $5 billion and then you feel better? But that's my problem. These motherfuckers are being paid multiple millions and they aren't even shoolemen. showing up to work.

Like, what the fuck did Tej do this episode? Like, did anyone have an arc? Did he think? He wasn't given much to do, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The stunt team are fucking turning up to work. He wasn't given anything to do, but what he was given was millions and millions of dollars. Yeah. And like, if you're

working hard. The stunt team are working hard. The stunt team, the visual effects, the guys that actually do the car shit that we talked about that they used to do in the movie, but now they do for the movie. Those guys with the computer, yeah. That's another thing. that kind of offends me about it too is that I feel like you're wasting those people's labor.

Like, okay, yeah, it's very financially rewarding. But, like, the stunt is, the idea to me of doing a stunt like that is it's incredible, not just because you go to the movies to see some shit that you've never seen before in your life, but you see it in a framework that contextualizes it, and you go, whoa, that's amazing. Fucking James Bond or whatever flipped that car over the thing. when everyone is so visibly checked out, including the people on the script, who have to like sell that, then it just doesn't signify anything.

And it's just, it's the kind of thing that turns movies into clips on YouTube, which is how most people are going to end up consuming films. And that's terrifying. I don't really care about any of these characters anymore. No. I like Dom Toreto. I liked Dom Toreto in the first one. He was like, I regret having beaten that man almost to death.

I don't know why I did it and I'm on a quest to understand why I did that to myself. That was compelling. Now I'm just like, who is this man? The only one. The only one I give even the remotest shit about any more is Michelle Rodriguez as Ledy.

Like, I used to love Roman. Nothing, nothing at all to do. She's the only one who's close to being a person in this. And then just stops. There's a bit in this where Ramsey is introduced to the team and she refers to them all by their archetypes, right? Yeah, yeah. And it's just like tipping your hands.

And just everything about this is leading you to the place of a sort of minute of it being clipped onto TikTok with an AI generated voice explaining the plot to you in a way that's also wrong. Which is bullshit because that's our job. That's what we're here for. But we don't have to just rate this automatically. No. We have a science-based system. It's called the scum system. It stands a smart.

Cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny. and I kind of feel like it's insufficient to cover the kind of spiritual and filmic poverty of this film but on a scale of zero to seven how smami is Furious Seven Now here's the thing I think this movie is very smarmy but we also take points off for sincerity Do you know what I want to do? What I want to do is I want to give this a 3.5 on everything and leave like it is the most average film

We got a job to do we got a job to do So I think that it's at least as smarmy as the last one, which we gave 70. It definitely is. It's a lot more sincere. I don't want to take some points off for that ending. I was moved by that. How do we feel about a five? It seems insufficient, especially for the street always wins thing, right?

Yeah, it has to be a six because of the having your cake and eating it. I think I'm willing to chop some points off for this sincerity, but I think six is really. Okay. Cultural and sensitivity. It is insensitive to every culture because it has none of its own. It's like a vampire. It is the culture that it represents

as international capital. These people are too rich to have a home country. They're in the Dominican Republic. They're in Abu Dhabi. They're in L.A. It doesn't matter anymore. That's a really good point, Dev. Like, yeah, the culture represents

as its national capital. Yeah. It belongs to the international country of wealth, you know? You know that, like, completely air-conditioned, white and gray hotel room that Matt Damon ends up

and Syriana, that's kind of where this is. Kind of is insulting to every culture. It's where these guys we're filming. Because it flattens all of them into money. Yeah. Six? Yeah, you're not seeing the cool subcultures of any way.

You're seeing like, here's, okay, we've gone to a country, here's the rich guys in that country, aren't they cool? Let's go to another country. Here's the ass and the rich guys in the hotel. Here's some of the poorer women in this country, and here's the rich guys. And let's go. Let's get out of him. Oh, my God.

Unprovoked violence. The Rock has a minigone now. Well, he kills Jim on Hauntsy with it, which... He does. Dominic Teresso no longer regrets his violence. I want to give it some point for that. That's a real shame. That's a real shame that they've done that.

And also, the violence that Jason Statham does at the start, we are invited to think that it's cool. Yeah. Dominic Teresso is like, sort of jousting with wrenches like a kind of like car samurai. He's like... Which is such a shame, because that wasn't a... interesting aspect of his character. It's not even reference. Gone now. Gone now. It's all gone.

It's all gone. It's all gone. It's all gone. In the grand scheme of things, I would say it's relatively, yeah, five. The last one was a four. I want to give it a point for getting rid of the only interesting thing about Dom. Yeah, yeah. And finally, misogyny, I mean, for God's sake. Yeah, I mean, it's... Where do we fucking start?

This is the preeminent, like, trying to have it both ways thing, and it doesn't even... Weirdly, in some ways the tokenistic thing of here's Suki, she does the designs, she has a pink car gives women more to do than the

thing which is surface level women are respected members of the team, it's just that by chance, you know, of screenwriting, they always end up having to do either the babysitting or one fight scene with a female UFC fighter. Yeah, she's crazy, but that's how it happens.

She literally exists for Dom. I think it's worse than the last one. The last one was a seven I could go, I think it's at least an eight, I could go as high as a nine. I put it impunity there for sure. Yeah, I'd go nine here then, yeah. Okay, okay. In that case, that gives it a total score of 6, 12, 17, 26. Is that right?

I think so. 12 plus five, I'm really bad at Mass and I have a cold. That is 26, I was right. And that, I'm sorry to say, makes it the worst fast and furious movie we've seen. That's really. It's jumped back. jumped back up again. That's, oh, that's very, very, very bad.

In a way, it was kind of saved by the fact that Paul Walker died. Because it clawed back a couple of points for sincerity, but my God, that's a bad score. That's really bad. This is, I feel like this is an insult to life itself, you know? Yes. It's an insults in art form that I care about profoundly. Yeah. It's an insult to me watching it.

And it's... That is worse than every James Bond film except for the one where James Bond fights every black person in America. That tracks, actually. Yeah, that makes sense. It's almost as bad as Austin Powers 3. I said I wasn't going to jerk myself off about being a film critic, right? But, like, obviously, doing this podcast,

I am not of the opinion that there's nothing useful to talk about in talking about bad movies or, like, you know, mass market, in quotes, lowbrow movies, because James Bond is all. all of that, right? But like, this is a sort of data point on the long ski jump down to sort of mediocrity, right? And like, you saw that in some of the later bonds, like the kind of spiritual poverty that Daniel Craig is now having to claw his way out of by doing weird queer shit, because there's

only so many times you can adjust your shirt cuffs after a stunt scene before it starts eating you from the inside. But like, seeing it happen to this, it's been, the lows have been lower in some ways, genuinely. Yeah, it's a shame. It's a shame. It's not as bad as Sex in the City, too, which was five years earlier. Sex and the City 2 at least had the saving grace of being racist with its chest.

This is just kind of like, it doesn't even have the... It's too contemptuous to be, like, racist in the way the Sex and the City 2 is. I think you're so right, Dev about this being a movie that's for capital, it's four investors. You didn't make this movie for people to watch. You made this movie so that $1.5 billion could come into existence. since and that's a shame. It's about heisting. It's about money.

And the ultimate heist, the ultimate heist is on us. You know, we're paying for, I paid three pounds to Jeff Bezos for this, you know? Well, that's on you. I didn't pay for it. Yeah, it is on me. I am stupid.

But like, yeah. I did the same thing. But, but, you know. Jesus. I wonder if the next one will be better. Let's see if they can do anything better in the F8 of the Furious. That's F8 of the Furious. Oh, that's so clever.

The Faye. The Fierre's. Tony Jugg gets a Gronsten-Rosette. There are probably some technical ones, but I don't care. Thank you so much. Oh, I forgot. Shit. I forgot to mention this.

I need to make sure of it, because it brings my point to apotheosis. The drone kills a truck driver. The drone kills a truck driver. So, what are the truck drivers? Think about it. Next time, I'll kill James Bond. That's right. We have a Patreon.

We do. We do. So I'm still jamesfond.com. Subscribe to it. Our next bonus episode is going to be... Is it going to be the Q&A? The Q&A is next. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Our next bonus episode is going to be another beloved Q&A. We're going to A your Q's. So we hope to see you there. And if not, our next episode will be eight of the furious. Yeah, the fate of the furious. Bye, everyone.

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