Kill James Bond! - S4E37: Fate of the Furious

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

F8... let me tell you about F8. ----- FREE PALESTINE - With the ceasefire in full effect, the media has returned to ignoring the daily atrocities in Gaza. My friend Ahmed still needs to feed his family and afford medicine. Anything you can kick in would be hugely appreciated. https://chuffed.org/project/150817-please-help-ahmed-and-his-family-get-food-drink-and-medicine And these are some more general links you can support collective efforts with! -The Palestinian Communist Youth Union is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app account

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. Kawabunga. And so how do we feel, friends? I feel like I'm entering the second week of Ramadan in that it's fast eight. Yes.

Yes. I thought this one was better than the last one. And it's also driving me insane as well. this I enjoyed. Women are people. One woman is person, kind of. I disagree, but we'll get into this. We'll get into all of these things.

I'm mostly, what I'm thinking about is I'm metering to the end, right? We've got three more of these. That's correct. To go and then the next one will come out and we'll do that as a live show, I guess. Hell yeah. But yeah, no, we're almost done. We're almost done. Then we can get back to clearing up the last remnants, the last.

pieces of evidence we left behind for heist season. Exactly. And then we can get onto something completely new. So I'm really excited for that. This is going to timeline-wise, we're so close to now. We're like just before COVID. It's 2017. All right.

Like Avengers Infinity War was the next year. It feels like it was made now. Really? Was it? Wow. Yeah. It's in the long dream time of the now, you know? Like it's a real sort of like post-COVID, Trump. and everything is happening all at once type thing. So we begin with a bafflingly named production company logo

as we are informed that this movie was brought to us by One Race Productions. I think that's Vin Diesel's production company. That's been Diesel's production company for sure, yeah. Hey man, welcome to Race Wars production. Welcome to Race Wars, gentlemen. Race Wars, we invented it. You can't call it. That, man.

This time is actually, this is a slightly sort of pre-now setting because we're in Cuba. We're in Kavana. Yes. We are. Yeah, this is a pre-now. This was during one of the extremely brief periods where the criminal American Empire wasn't trying to kill every single Cuban. Yes, that's correct.

It was the Obama honeymoon. It was. It was. As part of that, the one of the olive branches was, we can make. We can make. anymore. Yeah, you're not a state sponsor of terror anymore. And we can sort of dignify you with the highest honor our country has the power to award, making 10 minutes of a Fast and Furious movie.

Don Torreto is in your location at the start of a Fast and Furious Man, Pastor de Toretto is there. Whereas now, listeners, you may know that the US has just shut off power to Cuba and like everyone everyone on a ventilator in Havana died as a result. Yeah, making Marker Rubio Secretary of State means that they are going to try and do the Bay of Pigs again, and if not that, then the kind of long starvation of, you know, the special period and everything else. This movie isn't interested in that, you know, even if, well, it wasn't around for that,

but it wasn't interested in any of the other stuff. What it's interested in is one of those sort of facts that, well, that too. We start with ass almost immediately. Not quite, actually, because we do, this is where the movie, like, begins to improve. So we get the kind of usual meat market shots of like ass and Midriff and so on. But before that, to introduce us to Havana, we get some shots of just normal Cubans.

So we get like a barbershop and we get a health clinic. So we're not just saying Cuba has sexy ladies. Cuba just has like normal people in it as well. I like that. Cuba is a country. Even the meat market ass and titty shots aren't quite as bad as they have been in previous installments. It's some improvement.

Certainly. They're also saying, isn't it cool how Cuba has all these old cars and they're not really examining that point? Yes. Look at these sick old cars. They just like them there for no. reason. That's what I was getting to is the kind of top gear-ass fact of like, oh, for some

reason, Cubans, well, they do get into why, right? So in Cuba, in Cuba there are a number of like 1950s American cars still running, and part of the reason why is because for almost all of its post-revolutionary history, you couldn't import a car to Cuba in a way that made sense or that the US government would allow you to. And so Cubans have had to keep a lot of. of these like Plymouths and Cadillacs and Fords and stuff running, using whatever parts they can kind of scrounge together that can get through the blockade and the sanctions.

And Dom inspects this for himself as like, yeah, this is, you know, the one kind of Carth Act about Cuba. And he sees a guy putting a boat motor into an old Ford, and he says, that's the Cuban spirit. Don't ever lose that. So Dom, Dom is walking as a... Don't examine it. fine line on the regime, right? Like, Dom is sort of like, and it's interesting as well, because you don't, you have to imagine,

that's not going to go down well in like Miami for one thing. Mm-hmm. No. But if you, so long as you keep it vague enough to be like, this is the spirit of the Cuban people. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can kind of slide it under the radar, right? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Mm-hmm. But so his cousin is getting his car toad because he, you know, he can't pay a loan shark back. And because of that, this loan shark is going to make the baffling business decision to take the guy's car and export it to the US, which I guess you could maybe theoretically have done for like two months in 2017.

And it's a junker too. It's like a piece of shit car. As his cousin says, I have the slowest car in Cuba, which will pay off laser. But so Dom, Dom was like, I received. respect the loan sharking profession. Yeah, he does, he does, actually. He says, yeah, if you make a deal, you should live up to it. Because it's about a code of honour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about a code of honour, much like my code of honour. And the guy goes, you don't know shit, Don Torreto, because unlike you, in Cuba, we live our lives one quarter Cuban mile at a time. Yes. He makes the Cuban mile a different sort of like unit of measurement. He's like, no, Cuba, we race. No. No, but he says,

Cuba, we races the whole Cuban mile, which is... I love that. This movie does play on the quarter mile at a time in two lines, and neither of them hit in any way that makes any amount of sense whatsoever. No, he's just like, here, we don't live a quarter mile at a time. We live one Cuban mile at a time, baby. And so Dom initially respects the Lone shark, but then the Lone shark is rude to Letty, and that's what pisses Dom off.

Yeah, and so Dom's like, I'll race you. Yeah, he challenges him to a race. And the guy's like, okay, fine. The little cousin is like, you can't raise him. His car's the fastest car in Cuba. The fastest car in Cuba. My autistic Cuban cousin who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the speed of every car on the island of Cuba.

Yeah. It's ranked from fastest to slowest. It's a really like 177076 type statistical anomaly that the fastest one and the slowest one would be parked next to each other. But you know. You'd never imagine racing. those two specific cars together. It's crazy.

Dom is like, it's not about the car. It's about the driver. Dominic Torreto. The car no longer matters at all. This is the fast and furious franchise is fallen now to the point of it. It's not even real. It's not even fucking real. But it's like power levels in Dragon Ball Z.

If Dom Toretto wanted to, he could beat you with one of them hand carts that you have to like prank like a railway thing. He could. He could. Dom Henry? Well, because Dom is. Dom is now like cars Goku. And so his cousin, his cousin, his cousin, crilliv is like, there's no way you could beat this guy.

His power level's there for a million. And Goku's like, I'm pure of heart. I can do whatever the fuck I want. These used to be kind of enthusiast movies in the sense that they would at least throw the kind of stupid boy car numbers at you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is the 27. This is a 1528-95.

It does 440 on a 60 to 9 out of 28, yeah, four days out of Sunday. And you'd be like, what? Whoa. Yeah. And now it's just like, yeah, this piece of shit's the slowest car in Cuba, but Dom is gonna like beat this guy's ass with it. Absolutely.

And so we get the inevitable like sexy lady starting the race, which she says, this is Havana. Unlike, just so you're catching up, you know, it's not, it's not Brazil. This is not Brazil. It's not London. Where Rita Oro was Rita Orofarming. That since have followed us home from London. Orr, or Russia, Glasgow. London

Spain This is Havana This is Havana And the way that they race One Cuban Mile at a time Is that they The two cars race But on each side

They have a pair of powerful Bike Mages Who drive ahead of them And then cast Freeze traffic Yeah Yeah It's nice

So safety conscious I also I like that We're about Illegal Street Racing again Because part of our criticism Of the last movie Was like

This is bullshit What do you remember When we did Illegal Street Races Those were cool That was doing anything illegal anymore. I also wrote that down. Yeah, it's sort of like when a video game franchise, you have to like lose all of your

powers at the start to like, you know, and work your way back up. Yeah. Also, to be clear, when I do the powerful bike majors bit, it's because they drive up to block traffic and then throw their hand out, like they're casting a spell in Skyron, which is very pleasing to me. So Dom is... Dom has installed some Cuban nitrous oxide. in the car to do more Cuban miles

by Cuban hour? Yeah. He does. The other thing that Dom has is the power of fast motion editing. This is also true. Oh, for sure he does. Yeah.

They do that so much in this one. It's a shame. When he hits the Cuban Noss, the guy's getting within like sort of, you know, he's initially leading him, but Don pulls up. And so the guy goes into his phone, ghost him.

Now love bomb him. Now ghost him again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they do this maneuver. They call the ghost, Reply with a heart- heart emoji, then don't text for two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have great chemistry with him, set up a date, calling sick, and then don't reply for several months. I'm doing that accidentally. Yeah, same. I'm really, I'm so busy. I'm forgetting I have left on red, I'm forgetting I have left on red, and then I'm getting self-conscious and too embarrassed

to message them again. So, like, this guy's relatable to me. Oh, yeah, constantly. Dom Torreto has OCT, and that's why he hasn't taken. texted you back because he has like moral OCD. Well, I have ADHD, so like I forget to the, and then we both get in our own heads about it and neither of us text each other and it's really bad for the relationship between me and

Dominic Tarasso, but I just, if Dominic Tarasso is listening, it's like, I didn't forget. I'm just like a bad person. Yeah, if Dominic Tarretto is, I'm a huge fan of the part, Dominic Tarresso is about to have a bad time because he, ghost him in this context, turns out to me, don't heart reply when of his texts and then leave him on red for three weeks. It means... Push of like a bike in front of him and try to kill him. Yeah, yeah. He does try to murder Don.

End this man's life. Dom, you know what, Dom takes this on the chin. He turns in a way, that's quite incredible. He respects the Lone Shark profession and its lack of honor way too much. He ends up winning, but the car catches fire because of the Noss, and then he ends up having to drive it in reverse across the finish line, and then bailout and the car flips into the sea. It's...

The sort of 10 minutes of the thing where it's like, oh, scrappy street racing is back, and then it's like, no, after that, he has his, like, powers back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's done the race, and now it's over. Yeah. What is funny about this to me is that, like, we've established fairly canonically.

They've been keeping this car running since 1957, and then Dom Torretto does it for 10 minutes. Bires it into the fucking ocean. Yeah, he gets... He's so fast that he goes past the finish line and then all the crowd rushes in because like everyone loves this shit. Yeah. It's back where like street races are like superheroes to the people of Cuba.

Yeah. This thing fires back like right off into the into the ocean. Dom uses the car, may hameha. A bunch of kids run over to him and he hefts one, just experimentally. He just picks one up. Just be like, huh? Babies. What about these?

Brian's got one? Brian's got two. Brian gets to have children. Where's my child, Dom Torredo? The perfidious loan shark, who has tried to murder him to avoid losing, is like, a deal's a deal. You won my car. Deals a deal. And you earned my respect.

Yeah, and he goes to hand it over it. It's got a big hanging Cuban flag on his fucking keys, and Dom looks at it and like strokes it with his thumb and goes, keep your car. Your respect is enough for me. Do not look into what the US government's doing. We're in Cuba now. Yeah. I just say like Dragon Ballsie. Exactly.

He's now on his friend. This is his piccolo now. Someday, we'll fight again, Vegeta. Cuba, Vegeta. Yeah, he gives his cousin his car, which I guess his cousin now knows to be the second fastest car in Cuba. Yeah.

It was briefly the third fastest, and then the fastest got flown off the end of the Malicon into the fucking Caribbean. Briefly, that car was the first ever Italian astronaut. There was an Italian guy in there. I really do like that the editing has become so completely formulaic now that we do get to see the shot of him pushing the pedal down in the barefoot in loafers.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Fun little Cuban. Pretty soon it's going to be those like orthopedic loafers that Biden wears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too fast, slow down. Dom and Lettie are in bed and she's like... This is where mine would say, no, leave her alone. Yeah, they film a sex scene, but they, because obviously both of these characters are so clearly not straight, the sex scene kind of slides off the camera, like it's like, like water off a duck's back. Like, it's hard to film. Yeah, it's sort of like banging two action figures together, and she, she's like, hey, so I got some big news for you.

Oh, I'm not pregnant, and then he goes to like check with his hand? She goes, I'm not pregnant and I was like, Michelle Rodriguez to the producers of Fast and Furious. I'm not fucking pregnant in this one. She's like, You'll have to make me into a person. Don't let me.

But no, she's just like, you know, she raises the subject of having kids. She's like, I'm not saying I want them and I'm not saying you want them, but just like, do we want to have that conversation at some point? But now that we're not living in sin, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So Dom goes to get his like Cuban sandwich you know, with the like, you know, pork marinade in orange shoes. Really good. Yeah, sick. Cuban coffee. I like this scene. Like, Vin Diesel's legit, like, quite charming in this scene because he sees Charlie Siron with White Lady Dreads having engine trouble.

And he stops to help around. Yeah, Charlie Saron, hello. The White Lady Dreads, mm. Yeah. Well, like, he's just, the dialogue has improved a little bit as well. Like, he's just, he seems like a normal guy in this. I kind of like this, you know? He's a real person.

He's wearing all white as well, which is very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sort of the fantasy of like, you gotta, like, help this woman with her, with her car, and she plays kind of dumb about it for a second, and then she's like... He's like, oh, it's a 7-2-85. I saw these all the time back when I was in 7.4-29-9-9-down. I don't know how to drive. Dominic Tarasso.

Dominic Tarano, how you're doing? Vine boom. Got you bitch. Yeah. It's like, hey, Dominic Tarasso, everything about your life is predetermined by me. Did you notice how you had to walk two Cuban blocks to get your Cuban coffee? and how your Cuban coffee had like 10 fewer Cuban milliliters in it than before. I hope you're interested in this Cuban units of measurement bit because I'm going to be

for all of them. She says fate a lot in this and I'm reminded that the original title of this was the fate of the Furious and it's never really pushing that. Yeah. That is the title of it isn't it? Oh it was listed as Fast and Furious 8 on. Oh no it is the fate of the Furious. I'm pretty sure. She she pulls the same move the rock pulled on him previously, but less affably, where she's like, you're gonna like beg to work for me when you see this information and then they forgot to film that scene.

Yeah, when you see this and it's like scene missing. Okay, well, I guess it's something. We'll find out. Blackmail material to be shot. Yeah, yeah. She shows him something on her phone and he's like, I mean, I don't have two hours, but a documentary about conversion therapy does sound interesting. And then she's like, no, no, sorry, the other thing, other thing.

trying to show us on his phone and he's like, look, I can't, it's kind of bright out. Can you, I don't. Trying to show him something on her phone and he's like trying to scrub through and then it slides off and then it's like, oh, the face ID's on. Can you do it? Also, he just keeps her phone, which is I kind of like. Anyway, that phone, by the way, an iPhone. Yeah, yeah, it's the police sketch artist from Bob LaFlembone.

He's like, is that furry porn? I'm not, what? So we get a long walk up to the most obvious joke reveal. possible. Yes, we do. From like frame one of this, Beck goes, he's at his daughter's little league game. Yeah.

Because you can, because the rock has activated comedy mode. And I'm like, oh, there we go. Like, the Rock is a, is a funny and charming actor. And here has, I would say, a, like, millimeter wave goatee. It's getting, like, cut, like, glass with this thing. Is that a regular millimeter or Cuban? Oh, Cuban, of Cuban. One Cuban millimeter.

One Cuban millimeter. This is gonna go. One Cuban millimeter of time. Takes a long walk up while he's giving this kind of like pseudo-military speech and it's like he's coaching his daughters. He's coaching his daughter's football team. And he leads them in the harker too, which I really like, that's really nice. They do a harker.

Really fun to just like do a harker when you're like just an American football team and your coach happens to be Simone. That's fun. Yeah. It's good to see the white girl. and now who are like, I get to do this. Yeah. Conversely, the white girls on the opposite side

who are baffled. Who are dressed in pink, by the way, to be like, those are real girls. Those are like actual girls. Whereas the Rock's kid. The team names are the red dragons and the pink butterflies. Yeah, right. What the fuck does that say about femininity, do we think? Yeah. Women?

Welsh. Yeah. Or Mexican? Of course, the one sort of, like, not one we know or care about, but some Fed comes to find the rock while he's, like, coaching the game and is like, uh, Mr. The Rock,

we're going to need you to do, because we got a class 9 Delta fucking WMD, oopsie. Yeah, there's an EMP that's been stolen by terrorists in Germany. And the Rock's like, I don't care about that. That could turn all the lights off in a city. And I'm like, that was

what the device four movies ago could have done. We're just doing the same fucking thing over and over. Yeah, we need the lights on. Interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, ah, okay. But so, the Rock coerces him into making him cheer for his girls' soccer team. And then, by popular demand, we forego even more of the putting the team together.

There's been important information there, so this is like, you gotta go get the EMP device, you'll need a crew, and you'll get no government support this time. So if you're caught, you go to prison. Okay. That's important. The secretary will disavow all knowledge of your activities. We'll be like, who's this guy. I don't know who the Rock is. I took the liberty of assembling the team off screen.

Yeah, because we know you don't care about this. This would be genuinely, I think, a little hard to follow if you hadn't been up on your Fast and Furious law. Like, if you came in or this one? How are you supposed to understand this if you hadn't just watched all of the last Fast and Furious movies relatively back to back? Yeah. Who the fuck is going in on Fast 8 from scratch? Like, some of my partners. But like, years hence.

Genuinely, I think my girlfriend has now seen blank, blank, blank, blank, fast five, blank, blank, blank, fast eight. Is that a regular girlfriend or Cuban girlfriend? Oh, well, I mean... I live my life one Cuban girlfriend at a time. I wish I lived my life one Cuban girlfriend at a time, if not more. No, you don't, you're polyamorous.

Yeah, but like, I wish more of that. I wish more of them were Cuban. I wish more of them a Cuban. You could have one Cuban girlfriend and then a girlfriend of other nationalities. The government is limiting me to one Cuban girlfriend. You've had that same girlfriend since the 1950s

and you've kept her going. Yeah, I mean... Passed down to fathers. This is the fastest girlfriend in Cuba. No, I'm not thrilled about that. Anyway, we do some banter. And here's the really funny thing. It's something like how you know

comedians are more successful, more of their jokes get to be about travel. The screenwriters are getting old because the rock does a prostate exam joke in this. Yeah, funny. And it's like, oh, you guys just had your first one of those, huh? Like hitting the 40s, mid-40s. You're thinking about this. Oh, you got a young daughter, first ever prostate exam?

Interesting. Interesting. We're the only people that could possibly be watching the movie as well. Yeah. But we just, and then we just go like, whatever, it's going on now. We just cut to Bill in while it's happening. Yeah, the crew were all there, a bit. being chased.

They use a wrecking ball and they definitely kill some of these goons. They definitely kill some of these goons. Yeah, German cops can die. Write that down. German cops can die. They're like corrupt cops. There's some kind of hand wave about who they are. We get everything that Roman is going to do for the entire rest of the movie because Tej goes,

we're going to phase two and Roman responds. Phase two, that's what we're doing now? What happened to phase one? And that's all he ever says is just that. I really enjoyed Roman Pearson. in one of these movies. I loved Roman Pierce in the one he was introduced in Fast 2. You know, a character and it wasn't just the kind of...

Yeah. This isn't an insensitive racial comparison, but like, he's basically just jar-jaw fucking thinks of the Fast and Furious franchise now, except he does kill people later on. He is just kind of there for the comic relief, yeah. He's just there to be there. He gets like third billing at this point just because like, Paul Walker's dead. But so the plan, as best I can tell, is ludicrous, or is he now as more like, cut to Chris.

It drops a wrecking ball on a bunch of German cops. And then... Came in like a wrecking ball. Dom. Dom is now evil Dom. And you can tell because he's trying to frown and the Botox is fighting it. Yeah. There's one line.

Also, he's wearing a black t-shirt now. Dom has come under the influence of the Venom symbiote and his teammates haven't yet noticed. Yeah. Yeah. They're like halfway through the heist and he looks over to letter. in her car and goes, I'll see you when it's done, and drives off and I'm like, unbelievably ominous thing to say to me, honey? Kind of a Welsh accent.

Also, if they were in, like, you know, really loud cars, if he seemed like his iconic Dodge, she should have gone, what? What? Yeah, like, there wasn't a radio, he just, like, said that under his breath, yeah. He's not got his BDS Dodd Challenger in this one, because he's evil, so. Yeah, he betrays the Rock in the Zionist challenge it by, like, ramming, ramming the Rocks, like, incredibly heavy armored vehicle off the road. Yeah.

And then taking the thing. And the Rock's like, yo, don't do that because I'm gonna have to chase you. And it's gonna start the plot of Fate of the Furious. The Rock is trying to forgive him actively while he's being betrayed. The Rock is just like, it's okay, brother, don't worry about it. It's all time. This is kind of Christ-like, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe the Rock is car Jesus in this one. And Vin Diesel says, Warren probius to Abjett's Nick Malhan's his luck out. and then you'll doble smash burger and palms for 299. Yes. Yes. Shwok, Tor. Yeah.

Yeah, you can do. Yeah, and he says that. If you want to. And the way in the rock, John's response, it's okay, brother, I forgive you. Don't worry about it. Yeah. You're making the choice, walk it out now.

Yeah, we get the kind of trailer line where he's like, Dominic Tarasso just went wrong. rogue, which spawns in one million cops. Yeah. If we're still in the cars, when security does the next week, we're all going to a gym in prison. Yeah, Don drives to what I... That first take to be, another runway that's infinity Cuban miles long. But in fact, it's only like one Cuban mile long, to be honest, because...

Barely a Cuban mile long. He does the, like, short version. The plane picks him up like a fucking Uber, right? Yeah. Like, barely touches down. He goes, and it's straight up. Uber cargo plane? Oh, that'd be fucking sick. Yeah, he drives in the back of the plane and they just go, you know?

Like, it's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which is really funny for the German cops, because they kind of like, pull to a stop. It's like, oh. Hans, do you have flight radar on your phone? Hmm. You can see where he's going. It's like American cops when you cross the county line or whatever. They're just like, oh, well, nothing we can do.

Hands up. Yeah. But the rock gets arrested. And this is moving along so quickly, but like, so is the move. right? Like, there is a strange thing that happens here where like, I know that Netflix is known Pace with the movie. Netflix is known for this thing where characters will summarize what's just happened

because of like second screen experience, but this wasn't a Netflix production. And yet Ramsey does just like summarize the previous like 20 minutes of movie at this point. They're losing faith in their audience and they're losing faith in their audience because of data, you know? Like they know what they're doing. It's very like, anyway, they're taking the rock to Ultramax prison, which is like Supermax, but if you're cooler. Yeah, it's like, it's like Supermax, but everyone is the size of the rock. It's like the biggest guy prison I've ever seen.

Supervillain prison, yeah, from the supermism, like the dimensional super prison from Fantastic Four. Due to laws, due to the sort of right wing of the Labour Party, all trans women will now of getting arrested, we sent to the massive dudes prison. We're sending you only to the prison where, like, typically when you're about to be sent to that, you're going, 15,000 years, take these chains off and say that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the rock. It's like 50 other MMA and wrestling guys. And then one, like, 90-pound transwoman named Lily who leafleted for an anarchist thing one time in Texas.

Yeah, and like Galactus. She's self-sharing with Bain. They're actually getting all great. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I mean, Bain's learning a lot about himself, I think. Bain's replacing the venom formula with estrogen? Yeah, yeah. So, Mr. Nobady, Kurt Russell, the CIA guy.

I feel like, I feel badly about doing all the, like, trans-prison jokes given that it makes me, like, homicidely angry. But like, it's the worst thing that we're currently, you know what? It's not even the worst thing. It's one of the worst things that Al-Stay is currently doing the people. Thanks, Labor government. But so, Mr. Nobody, Kurt Russell, the CIA guy. I'm so baffled that Kurt Russell is alive in this one. Yeah.

Didn't he die? I don't know. No, he was, he got shot, but he was fine because he got like CIA medicine. Anyway. Cool, fine, fine. He's there. He's still, he's still kind of like inexplicably the good guy. And he has, he brought a Paul Walker with him.

He's got a poor, he's got a little fucking like, he's got a sidekick. He's got a paddewarm. He's got a Muckilus Paul Walker with him. He's like, I brought best. value Chris Evans. Yeah. And he's just gonna be in the movie.

Yeah, he's gonna be here. Scott Eastwood, who I recognize from some movies. Why is this character? No shade of the actor. Why is this character in the film? What is the point of him? Well, his, his, the main point of him is to,

is to be the kind of filling out the room thing that Paul Walker was doing. This is my, yes, 100% right? He's just, he's just Brian. He's just Brian too, because. Because he's like, I'm a CIA guy, but I'm like on your side now. And I'm cool and I like cars. Brian too?

Like the family guy dog? Anyway. Brian too? The Rock tries to like emasculate him by being like, what boy band bus did she fall out of? Which, okay, sure, whatever, you're mixing up your transphobia. And the guy goes, okay, you don't want, you want to go to prison, you don't want to sort of like work for us and take the deal we're offering, which is to like be a denying. like CIA asset. That's fine, but what about your daughter and there is an actual vine boom? Like, what about your daughter?

It's like, obviously the Rock immediately lifts this guy up because he's functionally indistinguishual from the Hulk in this, right? But Mr. Nobody's like, oh, you've got to forgive him. He's just reading from the manual, which... CIA manual? That's in the manual. It is in the manual for sure, but it's just crazy. to put that in the movie. Yeah. But so the rock, the rock then walks into prison

having like busted out of his own handcuffs. Yeah. Because he's like, I'm gonna do that right way. I'm not, I'm gonna play by the rules. Yeah. Every single guy in there who is, let me be clear, six foot four,

250 pounds, 2% body fat, half the size of the rock is like, I'm gonna fuck you up, the rock. I'm gonna kill you the rock. Yeah, like, the scarecrow is there,

like, carnage is there, Like, yeah. Just rattling the bars. Black, the new absolute black canaries there. She's looking fucking shredded. They're like, they're gonna kill him because he's a cop, but also he's like barely a cop. And he's like, is that what he's doing? Yeah, these guys who are like half his size are like, I'm gonna fuck you up.

I'm like, I don't think you are, man. But he gets in the cell and in the cell opposite. Yes! In the cell opposite. In the cell opposite is Frank Transporter. I'm glad they're affirming Frank Transporter. as gender and putting him in the man's prison. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But so Frank, Frank Transporter is like, listen, you want to get out of here? It's 38 Cuban feet of stealing concrete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that he taunts him. Yeah, the taunting between the two of them is so good. I really like it. It is good and fine, but the only problem is that this scene directly led to the immediate following movie Hobbs and Shore,

where, like, the producers are like, these guys have got some chemistry, haven't they? haven't they? So it's hard for me to get excited about it. Yeah, I sort of feel the opposite way in that, like, because they're like locked facing each other, what they're doing is almost exactly just cutting a wrestling promo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the Rock is a wrestler, and because Jason Statham has that dog in him, right? Like, it's, this is genuinely quite good because it gets into camp. This is the only bit I'm like sitting up in my chair.

I'm like, these two actually have. have a little bit of something going on. Yeah, yeah, they're good together. That's funny. Yeah. So, back on Charlie Steron's plane. He holds, he holds a foot. Frank Transport is like,

boy, you're in this Dostoyevsky, mate. Just finished it off now. I've come to a newfound love for God and mankind, and I've resigned myself to my suffering that I'm now living out in peaceful solitude, man. Then I'm like, cool, that sounds good, I'll do that too. Yeah. He's completely redeemed by the way, Frank Transcendant. We love Frank Transport. Like he's actually fully redeemed.

I guess he did it off-screen. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This franchise is like one Goku and 17 Vagetis. This is canonical to be as that he just did the New Testament. And now he's just fine. He's like fine again now. He's cool, yeah.

So we go to the high-tech super plane where Dom is meeting Charlize Theron. She's got a sidekick. Oh, my fucking God. And that's sidekick's name. 2017, motherfucker. I don't even remember what his name is. You'll know him as... It's Christopher Heavian, but he's like,

the man who was not allowed to change his haircut in between seasons of Game of Thrones. Hey, it's Torrance Giant Spain, baby. Have you seen Torment's Giant Spain game of course? He's a Game of Thrones face. He's a Game of Thrones' face. He's got a Game of Thrones hair cut and beard. He's almost still wearing a fucking cake.

Because he's between seasons and he can't. No, that's really funny. All he does in this movie is look at people and like, you just feel the producer being like, Tormond, Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time it comes to him, you're just hearing quietly like, dun dun, da, dun, do anything. Yeah, because he can't afford to, because like, if you break your leg or like tear your ACL or whatever, that's Game of Thrones.

Fuck, Torpion Game of Thrones has an alarm on his phone and like his Apple Watch that is like, you gotta get back to set any seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Art rate goes above like 65. He's got D&D on the fucking phone being like, you cannot get injured. We have another two seasons of you going, The big woman's sexy to me for you to fucking film, all right?

Get back in the cage. Is this a good time for me to reveal that of the three of us, I am the one who has never seen Game of Thrones? I saw season one, I guess. You should read a song of ice and fire, is what you should do. I have never seen any of Game of Thrones. The first couple of seasons, seasons are fine. I saw the first couple and I got bored. And that was deliberate so that when I went

into my audition, I wouldn't give them something they'd seen before. And I'll tell you what, seems to work. Yeah, it fucking worked. Because the first thing Ryan said to me was we want this character to be different than anything we've seen before. And I was like, oh, perfect. So fucking like Torbjorn Giants, Bain, right, isn't allowed to change his haircut, which means they had to dial up the haircut weirdness for Charlies Theron, which is why she's got the white girl dreads. She's got the white girl threads, but for some reason it's been put into like a kind of, I'm about to get married style like Celtic braids arraignment behind, yeah. Matrix 2 style braids.

Yeah. He also hasn't changed his haircut on account of he doesn't have one. Yeah. I was excited when we saw Christopher Hivjew in order of disappearance, right? Because he was being an actor in that fucking movie. Whereas in this one, he is literally just torment Giants Bain standing in the corner of the Chalmers there on scenes. And it's so fucking funny.

Yeah, he may as well just be on his phone. They don't need him for this. They're like, we got him. Hmm? Anyway. Yeah. Torbion fucking irons, Brian Joan. Like, yeah, that guy.

There he is. So, Charlie Sderon actually gets to be a person in this one. Like, she, she has a critique of Dom. She's like, hey, you know, you're all about family. What are you fucking cause, Goku? Like, you like the action. You like the cars. You want freedom.

not attachment, why did you let that Cuban guy go earlier on? And Dom's like, Br, my family. Dom's like, you didn't understand what I was doing with a Cuban guy, did you? Okay, listen to me. I changed him when I did that. The teaching is a car, Jesus. But now he's going to be my fight.

I've Pauline converted my man. He's on the road to Damascus right now. Yeah, yeah. The road to Havana. He's on the road to Havana. When I need him on planet Namek, he'll be there. Yeah. And she's like,

no, listen, you live for like, and she says, the 10 seconds between stars and finish, which no wonder let he's not pregnant. The quarter mile. Yeah, well, literally her line is, why live one quarter mile at a time when you can live your whole life that way, when the original line was, I live my life, one quarter mile at a time? Also, the only person who ever heard Dominic Torado say, that is now dead.

So how does... He's gone? Why is everyone saying this to him? He's going, like, this is crazy. Don's like, did you watch the previous movies? I also do want to be a little mean... I sure she's a character, but the family shit is so ingrained now at this point,

but in order to be a fast and furious villain, your motivation has to be families bullshit, by the way, Domtereno. Yeah, it's the same as Luke Evans. Yeah, it's the same ideology as Luke Evans. But it's nice that a woman gets to have a perspective. Family's awful. Yeah.

I hate family. I hate family. She has this stuff later on where she's like, family's just chemicals in your brain, Dominic Toretto. You should be Sigma like me and Tom's like, so we come back to the Ultramax wrestling promo where the last final line is he threatens to beat Jason Statham's ass

like a Cherokee drum and you get a two second midshot of Jason Statham's character visually trying to think of something not racist to say about that. that, the doors pop open. Yeah. This is great, by the way, because you get a real, like,

have dogs that have been barking at each other type thing. Yeah. They're like, I'll kill you if I could, and the doors open, and they both go, hmm. And the rock refuses to get out. He, like, he stares directly at the security camera and delivers, and God, he tries to deliver a line, but I don't know if anyone could do it. I said, no, Mr. Nobody, I'm doing this the right way. You're like, cool, man.

I am. Calvary. I am the Calvary. What this leads to is they end up escaping anyway, but they do, yeah. But they do, yeah. So, like, the Rock is like wrestling on one floor and Frank Transporter is transporting on the floor below him. Yeah, they're on two levels. It's kind of sick. He's doing parkour and martial arts. It's sick. Sadly sick. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. The Rock does stab a guy in self-defense. Cockney martial arts. Parkour blimey? The stunt team knows that they made a billion dollars on the last movie and want to try to make a billion again. And you know what?

They're fucking putting their role into it. And I can't... I'll get into this later. But I love the stunt. The stunt team are fine. The stunt team do everything right. Can you believe that at this time in Hollywood, there was no Oscar for Best Stunts?

It's crazy. That's crazy. At least one movie in the franchise should have had it. This should get the Oscar for most cars destroyed. They bust out of the thing and Kurt Russell's like, great, come to the next scene with me. Completely perfunctory. Kurt Russell, once again, does not give a fuck.

legend. So they go to the undisclosed location. The whole crew of there. Yeah. They've arrested all of them. Hey, I've gathered the crew, by the way. Taking the liberty of arresting your entire crew. Where they identify

Charlottie's Theron as cipher or Le Schifre in French. Interesting. Oh, shit, is that... Oh! I didn't know that. I wish I had my drops for this,

Because there's a really funny bit where getting to grips with the idea of a woman being Cypher, I think it's ludicrous, says they, or she, which is just a really good moment of pronouns. They thought the Fyper was a group, and then it's like, no, it's one person. Also, at one point, Ramsey says, everyone's afraid of the hacker group Anonymous, but even Anonymous won't mess with her. And it's like, okay. It's Ramsey. It's Natalie Emmanuel. I love you, babe. They give her all of these fucking lines about computers, and they all clunk so hard.

It's such a shank. It's not her fault. I'm back to falling asleep, and then my attention goes back up when the Rock and Jason Statham were in the room. And they cut more wrestling promos. Yeah, because they're like, and by the way, Frank Transporter will help you on this mission. It's like, yes, another Vegeta. Sick, I'm forcing you to add Frank to your family right now.

Okay, fine, yeah. The Rock calls him this tea and crumpets eating criminals some bitch, and I'm like, ha ha ha ha. Yeah, to which she responds, he's got a big mouth on a small head. This movie needed a wrestling here. heel so badly. Yeah, it did. Once it became Hamburger Shonen, they really needed that guy.

And Jason Statham is that is single-handedly rescuing the franchise. He'd honestly, honestly. Frank Transporter's the one who put my brother, Luke Evans, up to the evil plot. He did it in Fast and Furious 6. I don't care about any of you, but if I can get back at her, then I'll do it. My Welsh brother.

My Welsh brother, Luke Evans. Who are you put in hospital, by the way? What does their mum sound like? We'll find out. Remember when I killed so many people in a hospital? Yeah. Remember what I killed fucking Han, by the way? Oh, shit. Oh, shit, you're right.

Yeah, remember when I murdered Han? Ludipus uses his, like, super intelligence to remember something that happened last movie and goes... This is Roman, right? Because I wrote down. Roman goes, why don't we use the identograph? Yeah, it does. Yeah, okay. And they go, okay, yeah, we'll give it a go.

We'll try the identical graph. And Dom's location, as they pop it into the like, you know, the identical graph. Who is Don Cerro? Where does he live? Yeah. Pops up in like one place and then another and then another and 50. And I'm thinking, okay, they cloned Dom. To every nation is granted a Dom Terretto.

You know, it's like Batman, you know? Like Batman Inc. There's like a Brazilian Dom. There's like a Cuban Dom. We thought we've been seeing the same Dom every time. But it's more of a kind of like a, like a, like a, a, type situation, you know? The boys from Brazil, but this is Brazil.

Second podcast of the same day I've used the phrase a prestige type situation in. They should put me down. There's a lot of prestige type situations going on. Fast and Furious 12 and there's like 50 clones of Vin Diesel and that's what they're fighting. Let's go. Crisis on infinite doms.

Yeah. Yeah. But they, it's because Seifers hacked the thing. So they reverse hack it, then easily. straight away. And then they're like, oh, now it's only showing one. And they're like, that's weird. It's showing that he's here.

It says undisclosed location. Yeah, they like, they reverse de-hack the fucking thing because it like, it, it pings a thousand people and like they reassure Roman. It's Mr. Nobody goes, we thought of that first as well, buddy, but it was a good idea. And then, and then Natalie Emmanuel Ramsey, who is going to remain in these fucking movies, apparently, goes, what if we just like, okay, so it's. pinging us, what if we like reverse triple unhacked it? And they go, smart.

Do it straight away. Narrow it down a one, whatever. And he's here. And Mr. Domey goes, huh, that's interesting, because that's here. It says undisclosed location. And Dom then discloses the fuck out of that location. Boom. They blow it up.

Charlie's to run and Vindy's on attack. Some more bombs, yeah. With stun grenades, yeah. The thing about God's eye is that it seems to have been in these movies primarily used only to find a guy who is also trying to find you. and it's usually like on your doorstep. Like Grindr. Yeah.

Speaking of crisis on infinite doms, I mean, yeah, don't tell you. So, she, so Shirley Suran tells Dom, hey, isn't it kind of weird that they just replaced you with another bald guy instantly? Yeah, it's like the guy who killed your best friend.

Yeah, and that guy's Brian. So like, what's up with this? That guy's clearly just Brian, so what are we doing? You're like interchangeable parts. You're like the king. kids in Snowpiercer, dude. Like, you've been like, it's crazy. Yeah, do you wanna make out?

Do you wanna make out about it? Yeah, they steal the God's eye and then she kisses him. So that Letty sees. In front of Lettie and God and everyone? Mm-hmm. And his eye. Fucked up. Mm.

Mm. So, so, so, so like, they escape, and as they're putting their shit back together, the gang are like, well, we can't tell Brian or ask Brian for help, because Brian is retired. He went to live on a farm, upstate. They give Michelle the line. She's just like, I, we could, we promise we weren't going to call him. Mine would say, we said, we agreed we wouldn't bring Paul Walker back into these movies on the ground that he's dead. They did promise that they wouldn't inflict any more like Fast and Furious type bullshit on him.

And this is some Fast and Furious type bullshit. Raw deal for Mia, I guess. Yeah, we're not bringing Mia back either. You think that Dominic Tureto's sister might be helpful in this scenario as somebody who knows. knows him and grew up with him and can maybe explain his state of mind. But now, apparently not. No. No.

I hope she comes back in later movies, so I'm like, I gotta have. She won't. They all will. They all, everyone. It's gonna be, like, by the end of this fucking movie, I wrote down, everyone is here, because every single fuck we've ever seen gets a camera. It'll be like that bit in fucking the Doctor Who won where Peter Capaldi's eyes were in it. So, so, like, we go back to Cyphus plane, and she's like, uh, because,

And Dom's like having a sort of crash out because he's like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, all right, here's some more of my deal. It's called choice theory. Have you heard of that? It's when you make choices. Yeah. Here's a choice.

The rest of this scene is going to be, uh, we kidnapped Elena. Remember Elena? They go, we get back to her and she goes, okay, it's time to remind you of the thing that I showed you at the start of this movie that we did in. Elena, we got a baby. She's still in the fucking fast and furious movies. and she's in a cage. And this is really interesting. She's got your son, Vin Diesel.

Oh, you got a little baby now as well. Family. Family, family, family. Family, never told Lettie you got Elena pregnant while she was dead. He didn't know. He didn't know. Well, that's convenient, but a little confusing, because that kid's three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They directly, he and me, obviously, he instantly goes to where Elena and the baby are.

They're on the plane. and she directly makes sure to be like, I found out I was pregnant after, remember the part where Hobbes came to get you while we were living together for Fast and Furious Five? I found that out exactly then, and she says that to the camera. I didn't tell you because, you know,

you were so wrapped up in the events of Fast and Furious Five and the Lettie was alive again, and I didn't want to upset you. So I went away and didn't want to get in the way of you and Lettie's reunion, so I went away and just gave birth on my own and did all the child care myself. She pulls out a big diagram and she goes,

look, it was at this point, Yeah, so like, at the same time, Tokyo Drift was happening, this kid was having his first three birthdays. What deal was like, was Han alive? No, I don't know. Yeah, and in this one, Ganendorf actually won, and so there's like a different future. I can't stress enough, right? The weirdness of the age of this kid within that chronology, like, I'm an only child, right? I have like a relatively small family, so annoyingly my only real, like, reference point for kid ages is The Sims. And that motherfucker is about to age up into being a toddler.

Like, it's not... If he's not walking right now, it's only because they haven't put him on the ground. Yeah. The kid is very clearly, like, right on the cusp of course. There's a moment here where Vin Diesel cries, and, like, apologies, I apologize to Vin Diesel if this is not true and this is slander. But I think those tears are CGI. Everything else is...

Because they both form at the exact same time, and they are lit... The ducts are frozen with botulinum, and they are lit to... evenly and too nice, I'm like, there is no way in hell that both those tears were illuminated by that light source in that exact way, the exact same time. I'm like, no way, buddy. Like, those are some CGI-ass tears. They've gotta be, they've gotta be, there's a fake tears. No shade, crying on camera is difficult and like, it's hard to do it on Q at a production

schedule, but I'm like, ah, you can need better CGI tears. You can always talk because it comes out the middle of the eye. Don puts his like cross necklace on, I guess, the side of the cage. Blessed amulet that grant him He hanked it up near him His amulet of protection His blessed amyne out Wow, that doesn't do all great

And so, Seypha is like, okay, so fucking get to work or what? Yeah Like choices, you know? Like, I made the choice to get this haircut. Yeah, she's like choice theory. You're making the choice right now and you want to continue doing the Fast and Furious movie

and he lays out, look, even if I killed you and everyone else in here, you need two people to turn the keys to let me into the fucking cage with my wife so no matter what, I don't have a choice. And Torman Giantsbane comes over and goes, I'm in Game of Thrones. And you're like, okay, that's cool. That's a really nice man.

Back at headquarters, Frank is like, he's in New York, and they're like, how do you know that? And he's like, some bullshit. I read the script. Yeah, and annoyingly, I did the joke of calling at the car intelligence agency last time, and it's a way better fit for this time, because they take them to the secret CIA garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they have the cool CAA cars.

Jason Seatham... Yeah, they walk you in the room to go, hey, listen, we made a billion dollars on the last movie so we can get any vehicle in the entire fucking world for this movie, if you want them. Jason Seatham has my heart for, like, tapping the Land Rover Defender affectionately. Yeah, they do say these are all the cars we seized from drug dealers on the East Coast. What fucking drug dealers driving around New York in a Land Rover Defender? That one with great fucking taste. That's who. That's right.

If only there was an American way to say you should go down a fat burger and get a burger for 49-fagre. The poverty of their language and culture is such that they can't even express an idea that's like basic to us, you know? I really, yes, struggled over that. There's a weird point here where Ludacris sucks off the troops? Yes, holy shit. There's a remote control tank and Ludacris gives us two lines explaining what it is that

feels like it's come straight out of a fucking recruitment leaf. He's like, the United States Army is. working on like remote control vehicles to keep soldiers, like, safe while they protect us. And alive. And alive. There's a little like patriotic swell of music under this. Safe and alive. The unmanned ground vehicle endorsed by ludicrous. Wow. Hey, Army, be the best. Army smile. Army jobs.com. That's right. Wait, that's, that's ours. No, this is endorsing the US Army, which is like, I don't even remember what they're. Army Strong. Be the worst. Be the most, Be the most deadly.

Defend Jeffrey Epstein. Army Strong. Army Strong, a tagline written by the Hulk. Kill children, paedophile empire, kill all children and talk them. Yeah. Yeah, right, pal. Army's stupid. Army can't even appreciate facing things.

In Britain, we would express the like fat burger thing by being like, you can, you can get, go to Greg's, you can get a sausage raw. Oh, mate, you could get a, you could get a cod and chips for, for, if you could get a fat burger thing, you can, you could get a fat burger thing. For the sausage roll and beans for $2.99. You can get a gay boy. Cotton chips for a fiver. Cunt, yeah. Somebody, yelled batty boy at me the other night.

I was like, oh, that's an old one. I haven't heard that one. Not that anymore. Like, where did you hear that? Speaking of Britishness, Dom immediately, speaking of Britishness, Dom's car breaks down.

Yeah, yeah. He pulls some switcheroo shit where he, like, fakes his camp, and his car breaking down, so he can avoid the cameras, because they're using God's eye to keep an eye on him, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes into me, my notes say, he goes to meet a British woman, and then in all caps, about two minutes later, it says,

wait, was that Helen Mirren? It's, that is Helen fucking mirror. Under a sort of sign wave of an accent, it is Helen Mirren doing, she's like if you sort of tried to perform My Fair Lady and also kept setting off flashbangs in the orchestra pit, because she keeps getting distracted from where, what accent she's doing. It's meant to be Cockney

and then she just slips out of it back into Helen Mirren. She played the Queen. You can't... I don't care how versatile of an actor you are. I don't think you can do that and Cockney Sparrow. I just don't. I'm not criticizing Helen Mirren publicly. I'm not fucking doing that. No, that would be

so risky. Let me reveal something to you about this. Beck, immediately Beck had an idea about what had happened here and it turned out to be slightly incorrect. But we looked it up and we found out that Helen Mirren begged to be in this movie. Like, she directly asked this from of Vin Diesel. Went to him like, she's to hear her tell it to BuzzFeed at the time.

She says, I went on my knees and asked him. I was like, Vin Diesel, please put me in fast and furious. The Helen Mirren. Hell yeah. Vin Diesel WhatsApp is in itself one of the funniest things I could possibly. What do you think they talk about? The follow-up question that BuzzFeed asked was, was it particularly because you wanted to work with Vin Diesel? And Hellamir responded, actually, it was particularly because I wanted to work with Vin.

Because I just think he's so spectacular on the screen. He's just got something. He's a real movie star. Really nice to imagine. That's nice. Watching the Fast and furious movies would be like, put me in this. Put me in this fucking movie right now. Calling my age would be like, Chronicles of Riddick 3.

Let's fucking go. Hell yeah. All right. I love. I'm so happy to hear. Obviously, we immediately crisping potato snacks that this is Frank Transport. Yeah, it's his fucking mum, in it? That's Frank Transporters' mum.

So, Dom makes some kind of deal. Yeah. Oh, it's my mum, that is. Oh, yeah. That's me, mum. Sorry, me, not my mum. Because she's British. And she's, Helen Mirren is like, you can get a sausage roll and a latte for, like, 425.

Gay boy. Nowadays. No, fucking does. Gay boy. Gay boy links in my head specifically because of an interaction between Pete Doocy and Amy Winehouse, where she asks him, like, she asks him what his, what his star sign is, and he says Virgo, and she calls him a gay boy. And that just, like, lives in my hands. I read that, I would say, 15 years ago, and it's just, it hasn't left me.

I miss it. Anyway, Amy. Oh. She was homophobic in the funniest possible way. I miss her so much. Also, we find out back when the Rock and Frank Transporter were doing some more wrestling promo that, like, Frank was recommended for the Victoria Cross?

Yeah. Because the Rock's Reddish Military file? Why, so is Ben Robert Smith. It doesn't stop him from being a bad guy, right? He doesn't... Clearly, we've seen. Lifetime Bitch Award winner, Ben Robert Smith. That's right, yeah.

No, because the Rock has, like, a thing... That's for the Australians, I'm not that. letter marked Windsor Castle like it's the White House, presumably from the, I guess, then... From the Queen? It's so funny that Americans don't know how our system work. Like, seeing... I heard that...

Sir, arise. Victoria Cross. Arise Sir Frank Transporting. For services to the realm. For transporting many children to my son, Andrew. Which I knew about. Which I knew about. the entire time I was alive.

He paid $1 million of hush money to Virginia Guthrie's family. Look it up. Oh, time was paying off. And paid his legal fees whilst I was alive. Look it up, look it up, it's all real. Listen, you can't libel the dead, so the queen was a paedophile. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

All right. So like, Frank Transportor, he's like working on this truck, and he's like, oh yeah, they did me the same way they did you. I was like, you know, we were betrayed by our government. which means Nick Clegg did the plot of Rambo 2 on Frank Transporter. Can you imagine? Yeah. It was, well, we said this on the previous episode, it was plastic bag tax, student tuition fees, and kill Frank Transportor.

It was a coalition fuckery, yeah. The-Going off the Queen's head to Nick Clegg to be like, we gotta blacklist this guy. This goes all the way to the queen. No. Higher. Clegg. Clegg's goes to direct. Now he works for Meta.

No, the Miliband brothers have got me in this. The two puppet masters have got... All right, all right. So, like, Dom has to go in like... He has to heist a convoy, right? Which leads us to a question. Is a limousine a kind of truck? A truck.

A luxury truck? I never came down on a side of whether or not a bus was a truck. And I think that they are... A bus is a mysterious third force. A bus is a third kind of thing. A bus is like a wild animal that has sympathy for the trucks. Abby has gotten up. She's walking away.

She's leaving. She disagrees with me so fundamentally. But I think the limo is on the car side. The limo is to the car as the bus is to the truck. I think if you think of a VIP as a form of cargo. you know, as distinct from like a person, then... Cargo. I sure hope it does.

Jesus Christ, with such hacks. You're listening to the Fast of Furious A episode. Doing this podcast has ruined my brain so badly that when I saw... I literally have a note here that says, yo, is that the Met where Carrie Bradshaw got stood up? Carrie Precious. Yeah, Mr. Big fucking got anxiety. Also, no, that was the New York...

That was the library. No, that was the library. That was New York City Public Library. Oh, God, damn. I bet you not stood up out. I'll have you. Can you fake time. The Russian, the Russian Minister of Defense is, get her out of here.

In New York City, they say that you can get like a cup of, like, we are proud to serve you cup and a slice of pizza for $599. Faggot. Yes. For no real reason as far as I can tell, I'm sure the movie tries to tell us, the Russian Minister of Finance is moving. through New York City with the nuclear football right now. Defense. Defense. Oh, well, that makes a bit more sense. That makes a little bit more sense, but...

In a big convoy, which I think does... Does make the limo kind of truck aligned? Yes. I would say a convoy confers a sort of a truck-like status to the car. I like this plan. Because in particular, there's a formation. It's like the limo in the middle and like four suburban's in a Quincunx. So like that would suggest to me that the center point of said Quincunx is a truck. Yeah.

I do like this plan though, because Charlie's thrown on Engages hacking mode, and she turns on the self-driving of like every car within a like a 20 block radius, and then just like, self-drives them to attack mode, which I really like. She's like, go die hard four mode. Yeah. I actually had some problems with this because a lot of these cars are CG, right? And I was upset about that in the early parts of this. But by the end of the scene, there are so many fucking cars that it's like.

like zombies from, um, World War Z, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, it doesn't, it's funny to me at that point. Like, it's good. There's a sort of gradient, right? Because it starts, it starts, and they sort of have like the inverse of the car p.g, right? They make the car go from nothing. And this, this starts as like, oh, jeeps are driving out of the Jeep dealership with the Jeep logo prominently thing.

And then it gets a bit more and you're like, oh, you're doing like the really triumphant end shot from like a fast two. but like, you know, CGIing it, which I don't care for. But on the computer instead of actually having cars. And then it goes up a bit more, and then it's Tom Walker playing GTA4. Yeah, yeah. And then it goes up a bit more, and then it's, then it's the cars become a liquid. Yes, the cars become cop liquid, and I... That's... It's good. That's when it gets kind of good again.

Okay, okay. It also features my favorite genre of anything, sad cop siren when a cop car is damaged. Yes. Yes. Perfect. It's two of those, and I loved both of them. So the convoy diverts to avoid the sea of cars. At which point, Seifer starts, like, reversing cars out of a parking garage to drop cars on them from above, like, Car the Happening.

Unfortunately, sick. Yeah, that is cool. It's won me over by this scene, yeah, yeah, yeah. Car the happening, my least favorite White Wolf RPG, got to the punchline eventually. God, damn. Okay, that's really, I'm so sorry. I stopped. It's weird that Chuck Wendig wrote that actually when you look in it.

This is now AI slop. Genuinely it looks. This is now just, yeah. It hits the language of AI, even though it wasn't made with it. Almost exactly. And part of the reason why is CGI, but another part of the reason is Gimbled, right? Like, we got too good at stabilizing cameras. Yes, you're so right.

There are a bunch of really like smooth, moving camera shots from car to car where it's too good. Way too good. It doesn't feel like you're in the car going at that speed because you're like completely stabilised. Yeah, and this also explains why AI feels like this

is because this is the kind of thing that was trained off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still right by the gimbal. The other big problem is that like all of the cars are CG but all of the crashes are practical. Every single car becomes real at the time it slaps into something

but until then it's just like on the computer. It's genuinely, they do some really impressive physical stunts again, but in a way where it's sort of like, in such a false way otherwise, that everything around it really robs it of the thing. It's like, for instance, right, I work really hard to turn off the motion smoothing on anything I watch anything on, and then this fucking movie puts it back in. Yeah.

Like, it's all deliberately very smoothed. Smooth your motion for you. Your camera crew was so preoccupied whether or not they could they didn't stop to think if they should. Yeah, so they immobilized the convoy in the sea of cars. Dom sores his way into the car

and threatens to burn them alive. He's got a cool mask. He's fully under the control of the symbiote. He's got a cool mask. He's got a big saw. He pulls out a road flare and he's like, if you don't give me the codes, I'll stick this up my ass.

It's like, well, we shouldn't give him the car. because I kind of want to see where he goes. Yeah, like, hold on, hold. But he's going to hand over the codes and the minister of defense is like, hold on. Let's see if he does it. Let's let him cook. Oh, he's gonna cook us. They haven't even played the game yet.

Let's just see. I do like that the plan is to, like, after all of the AI, like the car crushing thing, is just, we'll just send in Dom to go get it then afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he just walks across the top. Yeah, well, paid out the heist. Yeah. So they're given the nuclear football.

And he's driving away in the Zinus Charger. The others then converge on him, and Seifers like, okay, you're on your own. My next question is, you know, if Jeep sort of kicked in what I hope was a lot for all of the shots of the pristine jeeps, this one is really brought to us by the industrial cables industry. Oh yeah, man. Shout out to cables. Cables. Yeah.

How much did cables kick into this? because every one of these cars has a harpoon and they immobile, they predicament bondage Dom Tarreto's car with these harpoons, which leads to a really awkward line of the rock saying, hold him, stretch him out. Damn. Pretty good. All right, all right. Pretty good. We into the him pronoun there. Is that, I mean, I'm, I've been known to, anyway. Pick up your high-strength, Tensile Wire and the gift shop on the way out. Dom's power level is too high, however.

Dom activates the Kyokin. Pulling Dom's car apart like a... Yeah, because what it is, but what it is, right, is there sort of starts up pulling his car apart, like a Mongol execution, and then, Ludacris is like, we can't do it, because his car's got 5,000 Cuban horsepower. Yeah, yeah, he starts at two and then other members of the family or, like, kick it up as far as five. His power level is rising. Oh, he's just so cool.

It's over 5,000. Torretto. Mm. And he, like, pulls them around using his extremely powerful car. Yeah, and they just... Just flips them, like, yeah. Gets out of the car and runs. And he runs, yeah.

Jason Statham chases him down. Don just shoots him. Don fucking slimes Frank out. Yeah, bah-b-b-b-b-b-man. Yeah. He did kill him. Two in the chest. Yeah.

He's going down. No, one each nipple. Um, I'm not worried because consequences aren't real in these movies. I'm like, he's not dead. They're gonna use the Dragon Ball, stop bringing them back. Yeah, they're not gonna get rid of Jason State. Lettie is like, you won't kill me, your wife, because you love me. And then he's like, no, but I know who will, is Torbjorn Giants Bain.

Torbion Game of Thrones. Torbion Game of Thrones. Oh shit. Yeah. Torbion from Overwatch. He puts a gun to Lettie's head, and then Dom puts a gun to his head, and she'll get the nuclear football and leave. Stupid.

Dom Teresso is a nuclear power now. Dom Torreto is aware of like what happened to both Ukraine and Libya when they gave up nuclear weapons voluntarily. Dom Toreto is getting a seat on the UN Security Council. Nooks. Sovereignty in a can. The answer to which maybe classified? Yes.

Absolutely. Can the Russians not just change the coats? Yeah. That's actually a really good question. Yeah. First thing I'd have done. Yeah. I'd have done that the moment the convoy came under attack.

It's like when your credit card gets stolen. Be like, okay. I actually got on the phone to the bank and canceled. that nuclear football, so it was all fine. Yeah. I went into the bank physically and they were like, don't you have an app? What the fuck are you doing here? They were like scared.

You ever tried upgrading your phone on EE? I've, their website just doesn't work. It's crazy. I'm gonna have to go in and store. Anyway. I mean, you know, I would, that's what I did. I also have a thing like, if as soon as they try and open it, it just tells us what they are.

Yeah, or put like a fucking like, you know, a die pack in there. Like, you know, Dom Terese are entirely blue. He looks like he's in the blue man group now. Yes. The extremely muscular blue man on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that dumb Toretto? Helen Murr is like, I've got to be in the blue man group.

So he tries to give Cypher some more of his shit, right? And Cyphers like, okay, cool, have you played every Bioshawk game? Yeah, yeah. Because it's weird how they've all got this in there. Hmm. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like, do try. choice theory on you. Yeah.

Oh, because you didn't kill Lettie, by the way. Yeah. I'm gonna kill one of your... Yeah. And we make explicit here that women's role is to bear children who have value, and after women do that, then we don't have any value, right? Unless we're evil. Yeah.

They shoot Elena, but they shoot Elena off screen. They don't film it. She's just in the case and they like zoom it, they gunshots and it's just on Vindiesel's face. Unless you see multiple like Charlie Kirk angles of a death in FI'm Number One. Well, yeah, although I will say, if she's not, this is the only character then we would have bothered to kill properly, including the guy who died in real life, which... Yeah.

That portrays a certain ideology. She's gonna have a hell of a case of amnesia, anyway. She won't. I realize he probably can't film like an on-screen execution of a woman in a way that, like, would work within this movie, but also like, I don't know. I feel for the action, like, if they're gonna kill me off, kill me off on screen. Let me do something, you know? Give me some more fun. Give me a really cool death.

All I do in Fast 8 is stand in this cage and like heft a baby once. This is so far. Exactly. Exactly. She does some more like, you know, oh, you view family as a strength, but I view it as a week. It's just chemicals in your brain, Morty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so at this point, Ledy's like, that I recognize the guy from Game of Thrones, he's in Game of Thrones. He's also, he's an associate of... Wait, wait, before we do this scene, there's one line that Dom has on the way out of this last scene where he says, almost inexplicably, if I were you, I'd kiss my son, which... What's up? That's nice. Good. Yeah, good, that's his positive father stuff.

Because he's the only thing that's keeping you alive. Stupid. Stupid. The son calls him Dada, by the way. Yeah, in the lady scene I did know Hobbs is walking past in the background with a dark red in his left pocket. That's two-handed fist fucker, receiving, not giving.

No, giving, not receiving. My apologies. My apologies to Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Hold him. Stretch him out. Hold him. Stretch him out. He's also, he's upset that Frank is dead. But Lettie's like, that's the guy from Going Thrones. He was around with Luke Evans when I was in Luke Evans of the previous movie.

Also, he's a known associate of Jimon Hounsoo. And so they're like, okay. They're like, yeah, they're just backfill story. They're like, yeah, she was the fucking, yeah, she was the fucking, yeah, she was Vecna who gives her. She was behind it all. It was Specter the whole time. She was the source of all my pain, it turns out.

It's crazy how Spector, Cyphe, Vecna, like, it's always like a two-syllible-ass thing. It's like, oh, that's been the author of all your pain. When a movie series goes far enough and you're like, fuck it, there's a guy who was behind everything, by the way. We stopped calling it as an organization sometime in the 80s, and we should go back to that. So, yeah, we lost the rights to the name Cyphor, so we had to call it number. Yeah. By the way, Safer's plan is she's gonna steal, she's got an EMP and the nukes, and she's gonna steal some nukes. It's blow fell.

And then she's gonna, yeah, she'll be world domination. She is literally gonna make the Western powers look like impotent beach boys. Mm. During the Cyph scene, we also get, well, she just like directly mentions those two things that they brought up as well. She's like, it's those, by the way, it's because of those two things, but I'm doing this. So there's this military base, there's a nuclear submarine base in Russia, which we established, has been taken taken over by terrorists that has a submarine on it with nukes. And so she's gonna use the EMP to break into the base, steal the nuclear submarine,

and at that point, she's the nuclear power. But also, we got some cultural and sensitivity, because they go, oh, Russian names are kind of weird. Yalta, Poltava, it's like they just threw letters together, which... Take a Mr. Man, it calls himself ludicrous, come on. Yeah, but so we drive to a sound stage. I'm amazed that we managed to find a soundstage. excuse to mention ludicrous during a course of this episode because it does fucking do it.

None of them do. They've automated, automation has come for my like Fast and Furious crew basically. They put all the like movie lines in Natalie Emmanuel's mouth, like... We put all the cars on a sound stage, which leads to a really funny visual of an immaculate orange Lamborghini in a snowfield it could never have driven to. with no, like, tire tracks or anything. No snow on top of the tires or anything, just, like, placed down exactly where it is. Just like JPEG, just clicked and dragged that Lamborghini in. Because Roman chose a silly car.

It's not quite 2026. Not every single individual person is in a different room when they filmed this, but every layer of the composition is absolutely in a different room. Yeah, so discount Chris Evans is like, here's what we're going to do. And then they don't respect him. Yeah. They respect him so they've always. character was named Little Nobody, which...

They're calling Little Nobody. Vin, Diesel, Dom. Dom, Dom drives his car at the base, and in the base, they go, yo, that's a car raised the anti-car barrier. Oh, fuck, they're driving a car towards us across the big flat ice. Oh, shit. Not a car.

Yeah. But then he activates the EMP. M... The anti-car barrier. He does also take out a helicopter at this point, and the pilots definitely die in that explosion. This is James Bond. He kills his bad. Like, it is crazy how this is James Bond now. Also, a bit The Avengers.

I also love that they refer to these enemies as Russians one time, and someone I didn't write down who goes, separatists. Yeah. It's Russian, Separatists, by the way. Technically, they're not Russian. They're not Russian. Even literally say technically they're not Russian. Technically, we're not making a war against Russia.

So, like, they, the gang fight their way in. And, oh, hey, we haven't had our court-ordered letters. petty fight to female MMA fighters scene because they ran out of female MMA fighters after two. She gets to fight a dude! She gets to- She does. She does get to fight a dude, but they film it, like, the dude is sort of like the villain in a, like, the rubber model of an alien or a monster in like an 80s movie, because the dude isn't ever really in the shot. Like, no, he's masked out for the whole time as well. He's like, gestured at, Morven. It's quite crazy.

Yeah, it's kind of slightly strangely edited, yeah. Yeah. He's not a character. He's, you didn't even get like the thing of like any previous movies of like, yo, it's Tony Jarr or whatever. Oh, that's guy, but yeah, that's not. No. It's not a guy who has a distinct thing. You couldn't get a guy?

No. They literally couldn't get a guy. And so she just kicks him into a submarine propeller. Yeah, like kills him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a hack off going on. Yes, that's it. No, you're totally right because instead of girl-ficing girl, what you get is girl-fiting girl computer. There's a hack off.

There's a classic old-fashioned hackers typing battle going on between Shalys there on and Ramsey Bolton, Ramsey, Gordon Ramsey, Gimp. Gordon Ramsey Bolton, Melasander. Gordon Ramsey Bolton. They're just going to...

It's just filming a fucking keyboard and like doing this on the keyboard going, wow, she's good. It's fuck off. Compelling. Yeah, hackertypo.com. It's just ridiculous. Nothing at all, nothing at all.

At this way, I'm also thinking about another thing we're not getting a lot of, and I'm like, oh, they had Helen Mirren for one day. Yeah, where's Helen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna see her again later, don't we will. She's gonna come back. But so, they have to, like, she hijacks the submarine with some of them, like, a board or whatever, they take some of the codes, and then we got a chase, like, a 10 Cuban mile chase.

Across this big ice field. They get to use the tank army, army be the best army. They do, yeah. Army be the best. Defend Jeffrey Epstein. Fascinating detail that I think I might be the only person who would pick up on watching this, which is they, well, there's two details. One of them is that they've painted the helicopter and they've done a big danger in Russian decal

that's like half the size of the helicopter, which is really funny to me. It's like, yo, danger. This is a danger. The other one is, so the chase is towards. the C lock, which is a big gate across the sort of entrance to the base. So the submarine's going to drive out under the ice, but they can close the lock, like a canal lock or whatever, to keep it in place. Correct. And we see on a screen that lock is like spelled L-O-C-K.

I strongly suspect that what they have done is accidentally mishear sea loch, like L-O-C-H, because that's what a bunch of submarine bases in Britain are or were on, right? Like, Fastlane is a sea lock in that it's a lock that connects to the sea, which is why it's a good place to build a submarine base. and they have heard that explained to them and gone, the sea lock. Yeah, the thing that you open and close, so the submarines can get out. And that's such a specific mishearing that it's like, it's almost beautiful to me. Is a sea lock, so an L-O-C-K, not a real thing? I mean, on like the Panama Canal or whatever, but like I've never heard of one in conjunction with like a submarine base, but I have heard of a sea lock in construction.

from the submarine base. So... You think, yeah, of course, and they would have heard that because they filmed a bunch of them in Glasgow. Yeah. They should build it, England. They should have gone on ice and... Somewhere out there, there's like a junior assistant producer on these...

Who's like listening to us recap this. He's just gone, oh, no! Yeah, you fatally impacted the plausibility of Fast and the Furious. So, Roman, like, his... Sea lock. A rocket or something goes off and, like, break some of the... of the ice and Roman Pierce's beloved car almost becomes his grave. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He always drowned in an orange Lamborghini. Yeah, by half-honing the door off and then he's being towed on the door. It's kind of fun. Mightnard say they do not respect Roman Pierce, but then Roman steals a gun and kills some guys. They also don't respect the goons. There's, because genuinely, right, this is a fascinating detail of how much they half asked this. The guys shooting at them are so little of a threat that in half the shots, they don't even bother putting gunshots in the mix. They don't put gunshots in the mix. There's a bunch of shots in, like, the rearview mirrors where they forget to put all of the guys over the chasing them.

Like, it's just nothing. It's like a joke. Nothing's real. They're like, and again, they're on a pure white, like, fucking flat plane as well. So it's just like, the animus generated this whole fucking battle. Nothing's real. Like, it's just, yeah. BeamNG.

G. Drive is going on yet. You would hate to be the ephemeral goon. Like, you're not even doing anything, really like. No, no, and, but so they try and pay off the, like, we have been sort of... What's the opposite of a Cronstein-Roseb? These guys didn't even turn up to reality a lot of the time. They try and, like, back out of, like, workplace bullying Roman for the last seven movies by being like, oh, by the way, he is John Wick, though.

Like... Remember when he shot people... He can shoot people at that time. He shoots, like three guys. really quickly, which is cool. Cool. So Dom is posted up with Torbjorn Giantsbane. Yeah.

And fucking, he's like, I got a sniper rifle, who do you want me to shoot first? Because I'm gonna kill him from like a Cuban mile away. And Dom, Dom is like, I don't shoot people from a Cuban mile away. I like to look people in the eyes from about 15, like, Cuban inches when I'm thinking about killing them. Exactly. Well, they've still got his kid on the plane, so they can't do anything. But then two guys, two brothers

in a jet suit. Two men who are definitely brothers and grew up in the same geographical location in a way that becomes really obvious when you place them together in the same scene. It makes a lot of sense really where you can hear these two accents play off each other. They attack Charlie Sirons plane

and it's Frank Transporter and his brother Luke Evans. It's Luke Evans Transporter, it's Luke Transporter, it's Luke Transporter and Frank Transporter and I hear the fucking save the day. Welsh and Confloreen, We get a little flashback where they shot Frank Transporter, but they faked his death with help from the two Spanish guys, back in the movie, and Helen Mirren is Frank's mum,

and the Cuban guy also helped, the Cuban Vegeta, he was here too. I know that's not allowed to, like, complain about anything ever, but like, it's gotta feel pretty bad if you were like those two guys, and you get a cameo, and everybody else in the previous movies gets a job for life. Yeah, yeah, they're like, you can be in a couple of shots, whatever. That's a little rough. If I'm honest with you, I looked at these guys' names and in the credits, there's a bunch of like assistants with their surnames, so I got to assume that they got their fucking, they got their money some other way. My question, just to circle back.

Relatives in. Just to circle back on the Shore Brothers. Talk to me about the Shore Brothers. If sometimes Cockney, Helen Mirren was their mum. Cockney, Helen Mirren. Who the fuck was their dad? Dylan Thomas? Yeah.

Like, Michael Sheen? So what is... What is... What fuck is Jason's saving the fucking accent? Actually, does Jason's name sound like at this point? Jason Staten... I've genuinely forgotten what his accent. Jason Stath themselves like 5% Cockney, 95% Los Angeles.

Yeah, so it's... Okay, so at least Helen Mirren definitely raised Frank Transporter. I don't know what that fuck happened to his brother. Maybe he just got sent away to Port Talbot. He went to boarding. School. Raised by their in-house Welsh O'Pair. Boarding school in Wales. Boarding school and Port-Talbert. You're going to learn to be a steel worker, brother. Get out of there. This is when the others learn that British people, like cops, have family.

British people have family as well. It's crazy. We do. Yes. This is why, actually, we love our moms and sometimes, you know, even our brothers, even though they were raised at the opposite end of the country, In an entirely different dialect of England. In a country, contrary, I don't know. To be fair, Helen Mirren can't stick in the same dialect of English across one sentence in this. Which is crazy. That's your opinion. Because she played the Queen. How could she not do this?

Yeah. She's their Cockney Mum. Oh, because the Queen is like the hardest acting job. Me Mum. Oh, okay. The Queen is the ultimate acting job. Wow. Is it? I don't know. It seems to be what you're applying. Yeah. Well, she's gonna say, like, I don't know, I don't know. If you could do an action for an entire movie.

You'd be so good at acting to do the queen. So Frank, Frank secures the baby and calls it in at which point John... There's a kind of cute bit, whether he's having a gun fight with the kid, and he's taking care of the kid, and it's played for comedy, but Jason Statham is like so legitimately charming that it doesn't... Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah, the kid's probably gonna get traumatized, seeing that many people get shot. And also it's gonna get like shaken baby syndrome at the age of three and a half, but like,

it's still fun, it's cute, you know? I don't respect the attempt to baby Yoda Vin Diesel's kid in this movie. That's because that's what happens. That is fair. Here's our cute child character, and there's a bunch of like reaction shots of the kid as well during this fight scene.

It's like he's in compositions making like faces to respond to like Frank Transport is action. I'm pretty sure he just the Hitler salute at one point. Yeah, he does do that. And it's a really weirdly CGI composite Hitler salute, baby. Yeah. I think at one point Frank is, like, are you okay? And I'm pretty sure they see GI

the baby doing the Hitler salute. Yeah. It doesn't be like a thumbs up. Yeah. But because he's radioed in, Dom is now no longer under the influence of the Venom symbiote. So he fights Tobur Game of Thrones.

Yeah, yeah. During the fight, and this has to be the episode art. Vindyel makes the funniest fucking face I've ever seen anyone making my life. There's like three or four frames where he looks like the moon from Majora's mask. It's so fucking. It's...

It's... It's so good. It's so good, man. Most of him can't move, you know, so the bits that do are like, you know, very intense. They really move. It's an incredible face, but he kills Tobior Giant's Bain, and he's like, that was for Elena. Cool. Yeah, sick, man.

And then he switches side and takes, he takes out the whole convoy on his own because he hits a missile truck and blows up. I feel badly that I don't have the drops because there are so many DOM and sublines in this, because the DOM is chasing us. and Cypher is yelling at him the whole time. Don becomes car Jesus again. Yeah, he does. He fires a, well, like, the submarine fires a heat-seeking missile, and he tricks that missile into locking in on, locking on the submarine, which submarines emit, I guess, a lot of heat.

Yeah. There's also, there's a lot of Marvel-ass lines that are like, that's not good. No, it's not. I'm like, they give Michelle Rodriguez, like, three Marvel lines in a row, and it's so unfortunate. Yeah. making her say these things. I'm trying to defend her.

I, at this point... It's also, it's hard to get excited about a sequence that you know started out with them walking in the room being like, all right, we've done tank, we've done drone, what's bigger than that, and they decided submarine and then decided everything after that. They're like, this is what has to happen. You also know that one after that is satellite, and then we're going to get that.

Satellite. Oh, fuck yeah, baby. So, so, yeah, they are going to space. I don't know if I know that, but I believe. that. I believe that they do. Don is sort of like about to get blown up, but then his beloved car, his beloved friend's cars become his shield. Yeah. They sort of nestle him in their sort of car embrace.

He'd still suffocate when the fire around him consumes a little bit more. Yeah, he'd be going out like the Pompeii guy who died, like, jerking it. Your car will become your sanctuary. That's so pleasing. Yeah, I hope so. Oh, that's nice. That's just living in your car. It is to be average American.

Oh, well, that's less pleasing to me, but still. No, no, the car is a secretary. Frank captures Charlie Seron and reveals that Dom's blessed amulet of immortality contained the tracking device all along. Yeah, nice of them to put a red LED on it that blinks. Yeah, and it blinks in every scene past this point, so you're like, it's got the LED together. Really cool. I also like that she's, for some reason. She's, for some reason.

She's, like, Dahlane Kindlesly, Star Wars, sort of like amuletive tracking powers sort of thing. Amulet of tracking device. Charlie's one is directing this all from one of those planes that got destroyed on the El Sald Airport a couple of weeks ago. Oh, God damn, yeah. She jumps out of the plane with a parachute. She's like, I'll be back next time. Yeah, she just, like, survived.

Like, Frank, and it's not even the real, it's not even the family but deal with her. It's Frank Transporter. Yeah. Gets in a room with her. He's just his own guy now. This guy killed Han. Does anyone remember that?

Like, Han? Yeah. Hans, and our dear friend Giselle Yashar, played by Galgado, sacrificed her life to keep Han alive. Yes, she did. And then you killed him. That's crazy. Yeah.

It's like neither of those two people is 100% real and will never be recons sacrifice means nothing to you people. Yeah. Virginia blew up a whole planet. Yeah. What the fuck? So Dom is reconciled with Lassie, who is like, you, and he's like, you know I never left you.

Also, I have a kid from another relationship who was like three years. his old going on four and half Brazilian. Yeah. He doesn't tell her. He doesn't tell her shit. Yeah. No. There you see this.

Also, how does Frank get off the plane with Luke Evan? Never mind. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Dom rescues them using instant transmission. Fine. Barbecue. We go, yeah, we go to a rooftop terrace in Manhattan.

No, we don't. We go to a green screen studio. Yeah. We go to a green screen location. Yeah, it's so bad. Because they, like, blew up the house in Los Angeles. And also, we've given. given up the pretense of this being in any way normal. So of course they have to have the like,

you know, penthouse rooftop terrace. I just, makes before we hit the penthouse roof top terrace, I just want to highlight the Roman Pierce selfie moment at the end of the, uh, the submarine sequence where he goes, like, I gotta get a selfie and takes a selfie. And it's like, were they trying to advertise selfies at 2017? The square like white boy is like, yo, that's classified and you're like, not anymore. Taking a picture of yourself. It's got a name now. 2017.

Okay, great. Sick, yeah. They're at the rooftop terrace. The rock is wearing a leather vest, like, between that and the fucking- Only fit worse than just wearing under-arver. What are you doing, man? Yeah, what are you doing, man? Fucking terrible.

Mr. Nobody comes to give him his badge and his gun back at a little gift box, which... I hope when you become a cop, that's how you get it, you know? Like, I hope that you get a little, like... Beautifully wrapped. Yeah. He's like, no, I'm actually gonna be your dad. Yeah, he's like, no, I'm, this is my son, by the way. Frank Transporter arrives with his son and he introduces everyone with his son.

He doesn't tell. They're friends now, and no point. Just don't be like, remember when you killed my best friend, hon? Do you remember when, here's another thing? If you're my friend, then. Do we remember, do we remember Elena? No. Who the Rock used to work with?

Because no one else does. Like, he doesn't tell them that she's dead. Who does anyone think this, child is out of. Like, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, this is my son in whom I am well pleased. Do I think this guy was immaculately conceived?

What's happening? Yeah. There is a funny moment where Dom, uh, introduces, uh, letty to the baby and like,

Michelle Rodriguez does not hold that baby. She's like, yeah, cool, man. Yeah, interesting. At no point is she's like, I will love and raise this child.

She's just like, she's just like, cool, good for you. It's very much giving like, you were, at the house party of a couple who are going to have an argument later. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a baby, that's really interesting.

We'll talk about this. Things getting a little tense, maybe in the kitchen, I'm gonna maybe sort of step outside and let you, like you to... They name the baby Brian. After a guy who they won't invite to this, even though he's still alive and they're still friends with him, on the basis that hanging out with him would violate their solemn vows and not get them involved in any more like fast and furious type bullshit. We have a solemn vow not to hang out with Brian. They also didn't invite Mia, the baby's auntie. Do you think she'd want to meet her nephew?

This is sort of like getting yourself excluded from gambling apps, you know? Like once you're out of the family, you're just out of all of them and they're like, we can't get you back on. Sorry. No, it's statutory, mate. You just, you're out, you know. It's totally. If you can't handle them at your Lamborghini Icegrave, then you don't deserve them at their

block party rooftop. Yeah. I just can't believe Mr. Nobody's not the villain. Like, what is he? It's Mr. Nobody's the most villain-coded guy who's hacking it out ever. The CIA is quite literally invited to the cookout. Dude, they're having, but like, we're a big family

and, like, at the table, at physically the table that they're like, this is the family around the table, is a fucking, like, black-sight guy wearing full black with his sunglasses still on. You're like, yeah, that's just our homie, the fucking secret torture site guy. He's our boy. Yeah, you want to hold the baby. Well, when somebody, like, marries into the CIA, you know, you get, like, CIA cousins and stuff showing up to the thing.

He can just hang. He's fine. That's the deputy director of a CIA or whatever. But one CIA officer who can hang? Doing second generation CIA literature where it's like, yeah, I don't really feel CIA or Dominican. I don't think this family even does crimes anymore. What's happened? The shit they do is on behalf of the government. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're just a super heroine now. This is actually very apt in terms of like America, of like convincing yourself that you have sort of like outlaw spirit as you progressively become cops, as you become the police. Yeah, shit, this is the fucking American guy. This is like the fucking guy who was Thursday or whatever. Every cunt of this fucking meeting is Thursday. We're all just undercover cops now.

No. Oh, yeah. And-Millain-Pierce. Yeah. Roman Pierce is just there. And Roman Pierce, who is also still canonically a millionaire. And somehow ludicrous, who is getting fucking money. Oh, and him and Roman Pierce have like an argument over Ramsey and she's like, you don't

even know my name and then walks away. Yeah, because they're arguing over who gets to have Ramsey. Like Bolton. Like, yeah, like Ramsey can Bolton game of that. Yeah. And then the last thing that happens is Dom says Grace. He says a very interesting grace. He says,

support us and become a VIP member to remove all ads from open subtitles.com. Is that like Presbyterian or what? Like, uh, yeah, no. Because the thing is, it pulls back and then his dialogue fades down to the subtitles end

and then the final subtitle appears and just says VIP member to run you answer overspotiles.com. Open subtitles. Why would you say this? The people were astonished by his doctrine. Oh, Lord.

Thank you for these. blessings support us and become a VIP member to really bad to ruin that's what happened to get half these fuckers into the family and with your spirits they just became VIP members

it's like okay I guess he can hang out now the website I used to watch his movies doesn't always do that it's sometimes just enough to wrong for you it's so funny every time it's my favorite the website I use for this is

Amazon dot com yeah yeah same same this is this is this is Slop for Hogg This is awful shit. I thought it was better than the last one. It was, but it was better than the last one, merely because they've discovered that Jason Statham and the Rock

have their own little side thing going on. Yeah, that's it. Yes. Yeah, they're gonna mind that. It's not as misogynistic. I think the meat market shots, we only get one version of that in this movie. I know why. The reason why the meat market shots are weird

is because Midrifts had stopped being sexy and asses had started, but they have hadn't worked out the kind of visual language for that yet, because they didn't know, there weren't enough, like, hip-hop videos for them to rip off yet. Oh, that's very small. So, like, there are a couple of, like, lackluster ass shots, but they haven't gotten the sort of language to plagiarize yet, so watch this space, right? Right.

Also, the thing about Elena is pretty fucking misogynistic, you know? It's just, like, oh, this... We imprisoned this woman whose only role is mum, who then, like, dies in sacrifice of like, you know, instead of her kid, you know? What is the last thing Elena did? It was like six movies ago. Like, the last time that she was a human being with agency. She got a letter of recommendation from The Rock.

No, that was last episode trying to get her out. She helped save the baby, poor Walker's baby. Oh, yeah, she took it when Mia was coming back to London. To the Elena dimension where she exists when she's not doing that. It's not good to do this to your female characters. We don't have to do this subjectively because we have a science-based system. It stands. It's called.

It stands. It stands the scum system. It's smam for cultural. Yeah. James Bond is having a strong misogyny. It's called the smart. It's fucking hell. It's called the scum system.

It stands for smam. Cultural insensitivity. Unprovoked violence and misogyny on a scale of 027. How smami. is fate of the furious. Where is there left to go up? Tell me where there is left to go up and I'll tell you how smarty.

So I don't have my original notebook so I have the scores, the final scores we gave fast movies but I don't have the breakdowns of what was what in front of me because I left it. Because listeners, I'm currently in undisclosed location for quite some time and I only brought a one notebook with me. But I'd say, what do we give this movie?

Eight. Easily. Oh my God. Is it really in the punitive zone? I think so. Really? So often, they're saying lines. Like, this is, we need to get our fucking shit fixed.

So, you keep your car. I'll take your respect, eight. Very smarmy, but is it punitive? I think so. I think we have to be. I'd say seven. Okay, I'm happy to put it at seven, but like, it is smarming. Seven, fine, okay.

You've got the deciding vote, Dev. This is, this is difficult. Eight. All right. Put it in the punitive zone because there are a bunch of lines, They didn't fight down, but they may be fucking sick to it. Cultural insensitivity. It's an interesting one here because, like, Cuba is a country with people and cars.

Yeah, it's post-textual to describe what's being done to Cuba now. Because this was done after Obama had been like, you know what, maybe Cuba aren't terrorists during the brief, like, three-year period where you could trade with Cuba. So, like... Yeah, the Thor. It's like kind of, it's almost positive. It is. Yeah.

And once again, we have a multiracial crew. Yeah. We're not being quite as like culturally insensitive about other people's. I mean, like, Germany and Russia are just kind of like locations in this and the bad guys are bad guys. Yeah. Russia is like the more kind of foreign one, I guess. Yeah. And they, they, and I think it is really insincere and smar me, which is why it's kind of

punitive to me to be like technically not Russian. But that means it doesn't ding as high on cultural insensitivity because you're kind of... True, true. Like, taking that up. It's got to be relatively low, right? Yeah, other than Cuba. Like, they hang out in New York, Berlin and Russia, question mark. It's sort of like the same thing that's happened with the, like, ever since they did Abu Dhabi, right?

Where it's like, this is hotel. It's like five-star hotel restaurant. It's like, it's not from anywhere because it's now, it's now in, the country of capitalism, the kind of international non-country of wealth, right? You can just go anywhere. It doesn't have any valence anymore. So it's got like one or two, I guess, but in a bad way. One?

Yeah, I think so. I really picked up. I really picked up. Which is nice. Yeah. It's not racist because it's kind of almost worse in some ways. Hey, one race productions. One race.

Money. One race, one life. One race, one point. Let's get together and drag race, I guess. One. One. Unprovoked violence. We're going to get a few moments like,

it's not unprovoked because it was a fight to the death, but Letty throwing the guy into the submarine propeller is played for fun. We kill a few German cops on this podcast. Vin Diesel definitely kills a few of those guys with the EMP. Retrospectively, does it make it worse to be like, you know, Jason Statham is now rehabilitated when he's, killed all of those people in the past, but he's a nice man now.

It doesn't matter. Like, if his, if he, if he could just be back in the fold, because none of them really, like, wrestle with this, none of them even say the name Hart during this fucking movie. Like, none of them even vaguely wrestle with the fact that this guy has, like, killed their friends before. Yeah. They're just like, no, he's fine. He's, like, good.

There's a point, there's a point where he, like, jumps to defend Ramsey from an explosion. that's like really early on and seems really weird when it happens. It's like, mm-hmm, what are we? Yeah, yeah, that was slightly odd. It is, it is the kind of, it makes more sense as wrestling for it just to be a face turn, so it doesn't matter, but like, it hasn't. If he's fine, then Han might as well be alive still, and Ch. Yeah.

Calcuttoe might as well be alive still as well. Can you imagine if Han was still alive? Can you imagine if? Oh, that would be, that would be a real sort of, like low war somers mark for the franchise. That would be a real problem if Han was still alive. If anyone was stupid enough to put Han back in. Yeah.

Sorry, we'll find out in four weeks. No, what, we're talking about something that won't happen because Han is dead. We've seen that like a bunch of times. Because it would be ridiculous because it wouldn't make any sense for a bunch of these characters. If Hart was still alive. Yeah. So Hanna's dead and Jason Statham killed him, which means we got to give it at least like

a couple for that, right? To be like, as much as Dom is car, Jesus, the redemptive sort of grace of Dom Teressa there is, I would say, extreme. Yeah, let's go. Even though, I don't know if it necessarily warrants three, but like... Have some pretty gory kills. Let's go three. Let's go three. I think... Yeah, yeah, okay.

And misogyny. I think in some ways we've improved, a woman is a person for the first time in the franchise. I don't disagree that she is, is the thing... They, right, okay. In as much as anyone in these movies. Cypher is a person in that she's the villain of the movie, so she has to have, like, motivations. But the motivations are so surface.

And Michelle Rodriguez is a person in that she's given all of all of Brian's lines to say. Yeah. But it's all like, it's not enough. None of this is enough. I need these fucking characters to be real. It's nice to have a female villain. Consider that James Bond still has never done that.

That is true. I really, really want to sort of hit it for Elena, though. Like, for being like, this woman has value as a sort of bearer of children, and after that, not really. It's pretty bad. You know? It's pretty bad. The meat market shots are not as bad as they were, and are also preceded by shots of just, like, normal people. I don't know.

You're hanging out in Cuba? I think I don't want to... The meat market shots still make me really uncomfortable. Same? I'm not saying it's not bad. I'm saying I think it's improved. Can we go like at least a four? Like an absolute like four.

Oh, absolutely, at least a four. I'm just, I'm saying like a six. Okay. Yeah, I could see six. I could see six for this, I think. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

All right, six. That gives it a total score of 18. So we have in fact peaked and improved because 18 is the same score as... No, it's not. The first one is the best one. 18 is the same as Fast and Furious 2. So we are coming back down again.

Interesting. The fever has broken, is what you're telling me. Yeah. Yeah, with Fast 7 on 26, which was a hell of a score. We've now come down, we've improved quite a bit. I don't think this even gets technical cronsteins. I don't think anyone even attacks. Yeah, I was going to say, there's no awards, there's nothing.

No, wait, Owen Shaw gets a technical cronstein for hijacking the plane that he's in, even though that's why he got on the plane. If we had an award for a henchman not actually. even existing in the movie, I'd give it to the Russian guys, but we don't because that award also doesn't exist. Yeah. Yeah. Ghosted him. Ghosts, Crohnstein to this guy. Would you like to hear what the budget and box office for this movie were? I would. All right, the budget for this movie was $250 million, same as a last one. And the box office was $1.2.3 billion. They crossed a billion yet again. This was the 11th

highest movie. This is like the sixth most expensive movie ever made or something like that. Wow. But a lot of that is just like paying the rock. That is true. A lot of the most expensive movies ever made were made over like five years because of inflation. That's just the way of things.

Just kind of bloat, you know? Like still. 11th highest grossing film of all time at the time of release was this movie. So you better fucking believe that they made not only a direct sequel that was originally planned but ended up getting delayed until after COVID.

But they had a spin-off called Hobbs and Shore about just our beautiful friends Frank Transporter and Luke Hobbs. Are we going to watch that one next? Or are we going to do Fast 9? That's the one that comes out next

and it ends up being canon, so we kind of have to. So what it's going to be is Hobbs and Shore F-9, F-X. That's it. And then live show Fast-11 at some point in the... When it comes out.

I think it's due to come out in 2028, it says right now. And then after that, we're on the same gravy train that everyone involved in these movies is. Yeah, every time a new one comes out, we'll just do a live show. We are recurring characters. Yeah, we'll do a live show and we'll make, oh, one, two thousand pounds easily from that. It's not about making money as what happens. We are due to do not. It's not.

To the Fast Furious franchise at this point now. Until I get cast in it for real, at which point, yeah. They call us Los Desperados or whatever the fuck that one was called. Yeah, yeah. So that's Fast 8, Face of the Furious. That's Fast 8. How do we feel? Bad.

I feel bad. I did, listen, BK Solve Crimes, right? I did Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a movie with like three sexual assault scenes in it. Earlier this afternoon, it felt like being scoured. I feel belt sanded. I felt like I had drunk a pint and a half of literally. And then I had to come and do this. So, no, I don't feel great.

How fucking good is Gull for a Dragon tattoo, though? Christ. Check out that episode. I would say. So, what's the next bonus gonna be? The next bonus? Baby, that's fucking big trouble in Little China. Have you seen my letterbox review for that?

I haven't, no. My letterbox review for that is five stars, like, this happened to my buddy Devon once. Hell yeah. No, this is one of my favorite movies ever made. I would say. Okay. All right. Yeah. Remarkably fine for a movie made in the 80s about like San Francisco's Chinatown, remarkably

unracist. You could show a child in 2026 and they wouldn't even get mad. Yep. It's good. It's really good. I am so hyped for that. Truck season. Listen, you got to stay, stay alive to the possibility of eternal war between trucker and

karma. Yes. You know? Yes. Like keep that in your mind at all time. That's what we're getting out of this. That's what we're about. Truck and car.

Truck and car. Buses, nimos, who knows? Helicopters, don't even talk to me. Truck and car. Absolutely. Beautiful. All right. That's a fucking podcast.

This has been lovely. We will see you next time. Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next episode in two weeks time is As stated Hobbs and Shore.

But if that is, simply too long for you to wait, then once again, as stated, you can head on over to our Patreon. patreon.com slash kill James Bond, to sign of stay for as little as five pounds a month to get next week's bonus episode, which is Big Trouble in Little China. Um, just, which is just authentically a great movie and one of my favorites ever made. And a great text to understand the soul of the truck guy. And without further ado, speaking of course of our beautiful Patreon, We would be nothing without our 15 pounds and above Patreon supporters.

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