Kill James Bond! - S4E37.5: Big Trouble in Little China

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

This is a preview of a bonus episode! Check it, as well as our five-year archive of bonus episodes, at our reasonably-priced patreon!  In our exploration of the Trucker as an American hero, we alight upon Jack Burton and the Porkchop Express. Good natured, good humoured, and always willing to help a friend out, Jack finds himself rapidly drawn into a 2000-year old fight between an ancient Chinese sorceror and an ancient Chinese Van Helsing. The platonic ideal of a Devon movie, this straightforwardly fun John Carpenter / Kurt Russell action-comedy was a huge box office flop. But as we always say: The Box office doesn't matter. The movie got made and you get to watch it ----- FREE PALESTINE - With the ceasefire in full effect, the media has returned to ignoring the daily atrocities in Gaza. My friend Ahmed still needs to feed his family and afford medicine. Anything you can kick in would be hugely appreciated. https://chuffed.org/project/150817-please-help-ahmed-and-his-family-get-food-drink-and-medicine And these are some more general links you can support collective efforts with! -The Palestinian Communist Youth Union is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app account

Hello and welcome to another bonus episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hello. Cowabunga, friends. Yes! Yes! It's an enthusiastic cowabunga.

It's a vintage Devon pick. Big trouble in little China baby. Now that's truck season. I had heard of this, but I'd never seen it before now. I also didn't know it was a John Carpenter movie. who I love. So, fuck yeah.

Yeah, John Carpenter with his muse, Kurt Russell in the mid-80s. When I saw the typeface, I know, that's the John Carpenter

fucking font. Yeah. That's the John Carpenter soundtrack, and it's one of his best, I think. Oh, God, it slaps!

It rocks. Straightforwardly, a great movie. I had seen this a few years ago, and my letterboxed review of it was, this happened to my buddy Devon once.

It did. I love Jack Burton as a protagonist. I love him as an avatar of the truckman, which is a guy that we've been trying to examine. When you were traveling around China, did you imagine yourself as Jack Burton? Did you wear a little hat? Did you wear the tank top? No, I didn't. I would fucking kill to have this tank top, though.

Honestly, it's so good. The like knee-high boots. I bet everyone China is sick of people rock it up just like this. I mean, this really does happen. Everyone and their mom fucking looks at you when you're a white fellow walking around China because, like, yeah, you would. Be like, oh, look at that fucking guy. That's crazy.

Yeah, yeah. It really started hitting in Xian. And I was wearing a tank top the whole time I was walking around because it was hot as fuck. And I had a mullet. So, potentially. You'll think of a time. I'm about to have a little trouble in Big China. Yeah.

I'm having little trouble in Big China. Beautiful. The sequel. Yeah. And then, of course, it balances with medium trouble in medium China. Yes. You have a sort of like fair amount of trouble in somewhere close to China that's sort of

like China. Smaller trouble in greater China, which just includes Taiwan, I guess. We could do this for about 50 or 60 minutes. We certainly could. This movie was originally part of an age-old tradition of trying to catch and kill a different movie that was a bit like it. So in the same way that every volcano has... It's Dante's peak.

This was an attempt to catch and kill a similarly themed Eddie Murphy movie I hear called The Golden Child, which came out several months later in 1986, where Eddie Murphy is a normal guy who has to do a kind of a Chinese mission or something. Yeah, there was the kind of a run of these like East Meets West movies. Rush hour one and thinking of as well. Rush hour one, you remember. When a normal guy has to do a Chinese mission. Shanghai Knights.

The one with... Shit, the one with Sean Connery. I've forgotten its name already. Rising Sun. Rising Sun. That's an abnormal man having to do a Japanese mission. Very different. You're right. You're so right. Also, I think if you, like, these of days, a normal man having to do a Chinese mission is something that gets you talk to by like MI5.

So they don't let you do this anymore. Well, they let you do it if you're the husband of an MP. Yeah, if your wife's a huge turf trying to fuck naval officers. Not for long. Yeah. Listen, this is deep British politics jokes. After the second submarine captain, they start to get a little bit suspicious, you know? Is it wrong to have a type?

We've only got what, like four? So like, B, if your type is like nuclear submarine captains, then like, A, you're not going to see them very often because they're not going to be there, but also B, there aren't that many of them. Yeah, I'm never complaining about there not being enough transmasked tops ever again. your type is submarine captain, because that's way more selective. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you know they're not gonna run into each other.

Sean Connery and Hunt for the Red October, because I'm a sub chaser. No, he's not the one chasing the sub in that one. Damn it. No, he's being chased by other subs. It's really like sub for sub type shit, which they're just kind of like pouring at each other and effectually and like mewing. Absolutely. It's like, bad news.

Yeah, I mean, it's cute, but in the same way that like a petting's it was cute, you It's like, oh, the puppy girls and the kitten girls are making friends. It's like, okay, sure. Yeah, I mean, you're natural. And I have to what, fuck the petting zoo? I guess. All right. So, China.

Yeah. We open, have you heard of this? We open in a humble bus driver. Yes. This is Little China Estated, which is San Francisco's Chinatown. And, and. San Francisco, we might know from the Franciscan order of monks that we've talked about in several movies. Oh, it's.

Yes. Which is your primary point of reference, I think. Now it's full of fucking AI. Yeah, and now, unfortunately, and I hate to save this to everyone in Chinatown and San Francisco, nuke San Francisco. Just wipe it off the map. Let's sort it all out. They did that in Fallout.

Silicon Valley, let's do the thing that... I think that might actually be insensitive because I believe at some point the United States government did in fact release a biological agent into Chinatown in San Francisco, I think. Yeah, he's called Jack Burton and he fucking... This is the story of what happened. Also, I will say, in the fallout timeline, nukeing San Francisco, very much happened. Chinatown doing great out of it. So like, yeah, turns out.

More resilient than the rest of them. What we're doing in this start of the movie is trying to identify the elusive alignment of the bus driver, which is also our project here on track season. Yes, it is. And the bus driver is a man by the name of Egg Shen, played by Victor Wong, who is... The movie comes down on the side of he is an ally of the trucker. and the trucker is, of course, Jack Burton. Yes.

He's being interviewed by a lawyer. He's like, look, here's what just happened in, not in the framing device of the movie. He's like, we need to find Jack Burton because... Some big trouble in Little China because half a city block blew up in green flames. And you're the only guy who was close to this other than Jack Burton, so you really need to tell us where he is.

And Eggshed's like, Jack Burton's a hero, you leave him alone, yeah. Yeah, but he does level with him. like Chinese black magic. Yeah, he goes, all right, are you familiar with Chinese black magic? And I write, yes. Sorcery. Absolutely. Sorcery, it's real.

This lawyer is like, okay, sure, all right, humor me. Like, how am I supposed to know that this is real? At this point, the movie, we're like five minutes into this scene at this point. The movie really grabs me because at this point, I mean, I thought that they were like subtly imply that magic was real or like maybe X-Chen does something serious later. No, leans forward at the first five minutes, shoots lightning out of his fingers. It's magic real instantly. Like a fucking sift.

Nothing. That's fucking nothing. And you're so in because it's like, first scene of the movie is an awesome guys disappeared. A city block blew up in green fire. Magic is real. Lock in. If you want to take notes, this is how to start a D&D campaign. Yeah, it's really good.

And I will have this thought more than once because this movie kind of is one. Yeah, a little bit. Remarkable how much this is a like table top role playing game. But so we now cut to some uptempo electronica music as the sub-tices describe it and the coolest shit I've ever heard in my life as I describe it. And we see also, this truck, this is the coolest truck I've ever seen. The Pork Shop Express is called. This is the king of all trucks. This is like if Don Draper was a truck. Like, this is the best one. Yes, yes, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is an American truck. It is fucking engine before. 4 cab, which makes it a canonical truck, as opposed to a lorry. And it is named the Pokedrop Express. And my boy, Jack Burton, is housing a fucking subway sandwich as he drives along. Like Gary V.C. in point break, wolfing it down. And he's on the truck radio, just saying whatever. Oh, he is a podcast.

He's posting. He's podcasting. He is. He has the CB radio, the antecedent to the things that we're using now, going like, breaker, breaker, would you still love me if I was a worm? And can we also talk about the misogy gril? Yeah, yeah, there's a misogy girl. Yeah, there's a sexy lady on the front of his truck.

Yeah, it says hauling ass. Oh, I didn't, I couldn't read what it said, because I watched this in like 280, you've got own pee, but... That's the best way to do it. Oh, you are just... He's doing, he's doing, like, gigantic sandwich bites and talking absolute shit. Yeah, just eating into the mic, yeah. Like I told my last wife, things like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Jack Burton. This is our ancestor This is our protagonist, Jack Byrne, he's genuinely like housing a subway sandwich and through a mouthfuls going like Now I've been all over this world And if you know me, you know

But I don't think that we're alone in this universe You'd have to be pretty stupid To imagine On the radio, just talking shit to anyone all here. Perfection I imagine this is the same character as Kurt Russell played in The Thing And that that's going to happen to him later

Macready, yes This is Mr. Nobody He drives a, into San Francisco and he takes the pork chop express. Fuck, I completely forgot it's the same action from the Pasta Furious franchise. Oh yeah, this is a pretty cool as well. Whoa, fuck. Wow, it's all kind of, it's almost like all these guys know each other.

They hang out with Hollywood. The web connects them all. Oh, God. But so he drives the Porkchuff Express to Little China, where he unloads its cargo of hogs, which are going to be made into delicious food. And he consumes some of that food, even though he has just been eating the gigantic Sandwich. Yeah, he immediately starts housing bow buns out of a street stall, like just a pile of steamers. Man, he does not eat pork buns will never be a whole man.

Yeah, he's literally fucking true, though. That is literally fucking true, though. Oh, that's Islamophobic. Well, okay, sure, but like, it's a line from sleeping dogs is the main thing about it. Eating poor buns. That game fucking whips, so. That's literally, okay, yeah. But so he also, he also consumed some of the cult.

by immediately starting gambling. And he is, he's there with his buddy, Wang Shi, who immediately, he has such a fucking rapport with this guy. I love this guy, he's great. Him and Wang, just straight away, they're like, these are some best mates, like, they've got a little fucking back and forth going. My only note, unfortunately, in this is that I need that Sing Tao shirt that the other guy is wearing.

Oh, God, it's so good. But Kurt Russell, he beat him at this game, and Wang's He's like double enough and he's like, okay, fine. He says, I bet you double enough and I can cut this bottle in half with like a meat cleaver. And it's like, okay, okay, sure. And he goes to do it and the bottle flies off towards Jack's face. And he miraculously just like catches it instantly. It's all of the reflexes.

It's all of the reflexes, you know? He's got really good reflexes is what we established, right? So, okay, play up. Now you owe me double. Barely even a trades. Yeah. Now you owe me double. I can't pay you.

I got to get to the airport. Plot straight away. Fucking like minimum. I'm not letting you go out of my sight or you'll renege on the dead, so I'm going to drive you to the airport, right? We have to hang around and go to the airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we go to the airport? Yeah. So why are we going to the airport? He's like, well, my betrothed, a beautiful, sexy lady with green eyes, which is very rare in China. He's coming here from China. I haven't seen each other in five years.

Shows her like a picture of her. My note says she looks trans brackets complementary. And her name is Miaoian. So we're going to go pick her up. Great. Fantastic. But as they're waiting for her at the airport, they get... Jack immediately gets distracted by another astoundingly useful.

Now, this is completely understandable on Jack's behalf because we see Kim Cottrell and I go, whoa, whoa. Right from Sex and the City? Kim Catrall from Sex and the City and not from... Oh shit, it is. And not from... Actors have been in other things. No. That's crazy.

Wait, wait, wait, which one is she in Sex and City? She's Samantha. She's the fucker. She's the fucking one. Yeah. Oh, she's the best one. She's the horny one, yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.

So you see Samantha from Sex and the City and then Wang's like, don't want, she's trouble. And he's like, I like, that's, trouble is my middle name and title of the movie. How big? Yeah, he immediately tries to do some sort of, so back in the day, right, you didn't used to flirt by being like, what's your discord, right? Or like, tell me your most embarrassing king, right? You used to flirt by going up to someone. and doing a series of speech checks called pickup lines, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if she was into you, but not totally, then she would do a kind of, like, also line that would shut down your pickup line, and you would have to do more pickup lines. You'd have to come up another line, yeah. Yeah. And so he goes up to her as like, can I ask you kind of a personal question, which is one of about a million of these? Mm-hmm. It's a good opener. Yeah, is, she's immediately like, you have been drunk,

driving an 18-wheeler, haven't you? She says it like he smells of booze, yeah. Yeah. Which he has been, like Jack Burton endorses drunk driving. It is Milletime. I mean, that's not the official beer of driving, but it's related. It's up there. Yeah, I would say so.

It's in contention. Another thing about Kim Katrall, Gracie Law in this movie, she's also wearing green contact lenses. Her character has green eyes too. Like Vivian Lee in. in, um, uh, fucking... Griegeous context. What's the, what's it called?

I'm so sorry, I can't help you hear. Scarlet O'Hara, uh, I'm gonna kill myself. Bidenification is coming from, like... It's him, me too, don't right. Thanks to the Great Lakes. Scala O'Hara is in... The Sunjack. Brett Butler and Atlanta burns down.

What's it called? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna drive me saying if I don't know. I'm going to fucking clue what you're talking about. Go on with the wind. Go on with the wind, thank you. Go on the fucking wind.

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